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sparetimeimagines · 4 years ago

Note

That was really interesting. Could you please make light yagami x reader smut with exhibitionist. I want light to embarassed hell out of me.

Attention | Light Yagami

Tags; Smut, Camera, Recording, Dom!Light, Sub!Yn, Exhibitionist ( I tried)

Masterlist

You just wouldn’t stay out of trouble. Prancing around his coworkers like you owned the place in your skimpy outfits, blantly making it known that you are in fact not wearing panties.

He knew you wanted attention -needed the attention- however right now he just couldn’t give it to you.

“Light...” Your whine made his cock hard. The deadpan on his face while he attempted to focus on the work in front of him was cracking at the least. This was getting ridiculous. How can one person just not get the hint? There’s a time and place for everything and right now your boyfriend is about to lose his shit.

“You promised me two hours ago that you’ll spend some time with me.”

The dark headed boy glares up at you over the few men standing around, casting fear onto you.

“And I’ll get to you when we’re through!” He shouts, his frustration getting the best of him.

“Don’t yell at me.” Glaring at your boyfriend, you watch him shove his hands in his pocket, though you wish they’d shove them down your throat instead.

“Then do what you’re told. Go over there and wait.”

“Light, I’m so tired of you never paying attention to me.” You growl your arms folding across your chest.

There’s no way he’s getting away with this again for the second week in a row.

Light throws the headset from his head on the table and turns to you.

“You want my attention?” He stomps, pinning you to the bed. “Get over there.” He points his finger in your face and steps back to set up his phone. “You want attention? Here. Have everyone’s attention.”

He starts the live recording on a website returning to your body lying on the bed.

“You’re so needy.” He growls pushing your legs up. “I can’t get two seconds of alone time without you constantly bitching in my ear.”

His nails claw into your thighs leaving you with a hiss.

“Shut up.” Light smacks your leg grabbing his phone. “Let’s do a live stream so everyone can see how fucking stupid you are.”

The red light on his camera turns on along with the smirk on his face.

“Look at that pussy. Dripping for me like that pathetic baby she is.” He zooms in on your face. “Do you want my cock baby?”

You bite your lower lip, looking almost in pain nodding to him. “Then get up here and show me.”

He pulls your arm making you tumble over him.

“Wait... I have a better idea.” He makes you sit up, tying your hands behind your back. “That’s better.”

The smirk spread across his lips confirms you’re in for a show.

“What? What do you want?” He taunts you from behind the camera.

“Your cock. I want your cock.” You cling to his leg and he laughs.

“What am I supposed to do about that? You want it, take it out.” The smirk on his lips match that devilish look in his eyes.

A manic laugh leaves his mouth watching you struggle to unbutton his pants. “You want my attention. All eyes are on you Babe.”

Light watches you struggle; hands tied behind your back, your mouth nipping at the button.

“Aww poor needy Baby, do you need help?” He caresses your head, fingers combing your hair as your cheeks flush.

“Why are you being so mean?”

Light’s fingers still against your head.

“Because you��re an annoying little brat.” Those lean fingers curve around your cheek, reigning your hair sharply forcing your face into the camera.

“Go ahead, Baby, tell them how stupid you are.” The camera focuses on your face. “Tell them how much on an annoying brat you are, how thirsty for my cock you are.”

He taunts you, your cheeks growing red and tears coming out of your eyes.

“L-light.” You choke, shaking trying to keep your balance.

“Just do it. I don’t understand what’s so hard to just follow directions. Fuck.”

He unbuttons his pants and lets his cock hit you against the face.

“There. Take it with your needy ass.” You slip down to take him from the bottom of his cock when continues to degrade you. “Always whining about how you don’t get attention. You know that shit pisses me off.” He pulls your head upward again, forcing his cock down your throat.

“How’s that for attention? How about I show this to your mother and your father? Nonetheless the whole world. You dirty slut. I hope you’re happy now.”

Your tear stained cheeks pulls a satisfied smirk to his face. The burn in your throat is threatening to choke you as his cock pushes its limit.

“Mmhmm. Take it. What did I tell you about relaxing your jaw?” He hits the back of your head forcing you to gag on him. “That’s better. Take me baby.” The sucking of your wet hole makes him twitch when he pulls out. Light clutches your jaw forcing you to look him in the face.

The dripping mascara smeared under your eyes has been mentally preparing himself. Doe eyes begging for mercy and all he wants is to make you cry. All he wants to do is show you how much of an embarrassment you are.

“Fucked out lips. Runny eyes. You’re disgusting.”

His hand curves up your face, smearing the makeup under his thumb. “Clean it.”

“What? No.” Your face cringes under his demand and he shoves his thumb on your tongue. “It wasn’t a question.

You gag under pressure, eyes leaking more as he chuckles behind the screen.

“Don’t you dare spit up on me.”

With your soggy eyes, you look up at him, your lips firmly puckered around his thumb.

“Was it that hard?”

He pulls his thumb from your mouth and directs your face to his cock.

“Wet me up. Be glad I’m letting you prep me yourself.” You take him slowly looking him in the eye once more and he pulls out.

“Turn around. Show them your pathetic cunt.”

Slowly turning on your knees, you position yourself with your chest pressed against the bed.

“Thatta girl.” He smacks your cheek gripping your hip, hands crawling to your hands tied behind your back.

A simple tug for him, he pulls your body into his.

“Are you gonna behave?” He whispers, his voice sharp like razor blades into your ear.

“Mmhmm.” You whimper and He chuckles.

“Good.” Light releases your body into the bed once more, this time brushing his cock into your tight lips. “Because I don’t have time for your stupid cunt if you won’t listen.”

He slides into to you with a slow moan moving through your lips.

“Oh? You’re enjoying yourself aren’t you?” He zooms in on your pussy watching your tense body relax with each thrust. The way his cock sounds each time he slides in and out of your gushing cunt makes him want to fill your swollen hole on the spot.

“Mmmhmm.” The smirk grows on your lips as he bottoms into you. “Ugh. Damn Light.”

“So spoiled.” He pulls himself out only to fill you again. “I give you what you want and you cuss me.”

Without mercy, he begins to fuck you full speed. The camera may not have the best visual presentation, but your moans are enough to please their imagination.

“Mm what’s that? Nothing to say?” The sound of your hips smacking is only audible. “Fucked you stupid haven’t I?”

His fingers hook your lips pulling himself into you.

“Talk to me baby.” He laughs as inaudible sounds come from your mouth. “You sound a bit preoccupied.”

Pushing you to your limits, he’s filling your cunt with every inch of his cock.

“I want everyone to witness you acting like a needy whore. Your ass will never interrupt me again while I work. Do you understand?” You nod however he doesn’t recognize it. “Do I make myself clear?”

“Mmhmm.” The smacks of his hips hitting yours directly has your eyes swelling shut, your ass stinging and your pussy filling with his cum.

“Fuck. Your needy cunt. You feel so good.” He fucks his high into you. “Your cunt... fuck. So good...” his moans are lazy and you feel yourself subsiding to his pleasure. “Mmm you’re such a good girl. Feeling me get off makes you feel good. Doesn’t it, Pet.”

It wasn’t a question, but a distraction to pull your arousal. He slips from you, his stringy cum tripping off his head out of your abused pussy.

“You’re pathetic. Disgusting. I won’t let you get off, you’re so pathetic you want to cum from desperation” He rolls his eyes watching your cunt drip through the lens.

“Who owns this pussy?” He fingers your cunt playing with his cum. “Hmm? Who makes you cum?”

“You do, Light.” Your cheeks burn as red as the flesh on your cunt. You bury your face in between your arms and he drags your hips flipping you over to face him and the camera.

“Who’s gonna listen next time so she can cum too?” He taunts you pulling on your arms to expose you. “Hmm? Who’s gonna listen next time.

Your makeup smeared face, fucked out lips and naked body watch him smirk.

“I will, Light.” You whimper feeling defeated.

“You will what?” He smacks your tit watching you wince.

“I will listen next time, Light.”

“Why will you listen, Slut?”

“So I can cum too.”

“That’s right. So you can cum too.” He films your body exposing the cum dripping from your core. “Now go clean yourself up, you disgust me.” He spits on you disconnecting you from the public.

#death note #yagami light #yandere light yagami #light yagami smut #death note smut

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lennydaisy · 4 years ago

Text

SWAN SONG || The Walking Dead AU

‘You have to trust that every friendship has no end, that a communion of saints exists among all those, living and dead, who have truly loved God and one another.

You know from experience how real this is. Those you have loved deeply and who have died live on in you, not just as memories but as real presences.’

HENRI NOUWEN

The Walking Dead.

Season 1-?

FEM OC! and ?

This is the prologue for a Walking dead AU that I wrote ages ago, and I feel like its too good to waste. So here it is :))

‘Now to John, who's live at the scene. John, what's happening there?'

'I'm here at Central Atlanta Hospital where there has been a reported disturbance within the wards. Patients allegedly have gone rogue, biting and scratching the doctors and each other.'

'If we pan to our left here, you can see the hallways are overflowing with newly found patients from the attacks.'

Glancing up at the ancient box TV perched in the top corner of the room, eyebrows frowned as I take another bite of my bland chicken sandwich.

The screen displays a lit yellow Hospital hallway with beds and chairs cluttering the space. With no room to breathe, the patients packed together like a tin of sardines.

The camera zooms into one patient in particular, who judging by their attire is a nurse themselves. A sickly colour of unnatural grey washed over their face, a layer of sweat glistening under the cheap lights and her veins protruding from her neck as though she's struggling to keep herself calm.

'Miss, would you be able to explain how your feeling?'

I can't help but scoff at the reporter's request. She is clearly in no condition to answer any of his questions and it's downright ignorant to shove a microphone in the face of a woman who has clearly seen better days.

The women slowly turned to face the reporter, her eyes appearing to lack any colour with bags drooping down to her jaw, and glares with all she can muster. Despite clearly being exhausted from whatever is happening to her body, she has no problem expressing her aggravation towards the man.

'Not responsive I see. Well no mind, as the viewers at home can see, Central Hospital is in desperate need of doctors and nurses. So I'm here to announce that if there is anyone-'

I don't know how to describe what I just saw. Just know that it was revolting enough to put me off chicken sandwiches forever.

In the midst of the reporter's announcement, a pair of hands slowly made their way around his body. Their nails were bitten down to stumps, their fingers a troubled colour of blue as though clogged with blood. The sickly hands, lazily but purposefully, claw at the reports button-up shirt from behind. Tugging on the attachments like grips, the women who the reporter was previously questioning is now sinking her teeth into the man's neck. Trails of blood dripping from her lips as she pulls her jaw roughly away from his neck taking a clump of him with her.

The look of pure horror wash over the man's faces, and mines in probably mimicking his. I've never seen anyone's eyes pop so far from their head. The face of sheer panic and terror covering his visuals as he opens his mouth to let out what I can only assume to be a deafening scream but before a sound is made the camera quickly cuts back to the studio, where the two anchors are now shaking at the sight they just witnessed live.

'We'll be back after this quick intermission,' squeaked out the anchor, eyes still wide, never leaving the screen off camera.

'Were you recently involved in an accident?', the convenient ad was interrupted by the television being turned off. Snapping my head to my right, only to be met by the sheepish face of Darcy, the department receptionist. Smiling weakly at me from her desk, "I'm sure it's nothing to worry about."

Nothing to worry about. "Were we just watching the same clip," I breathe baffled at the idea of not worrying about what we just witnessed, "That man just had his neck bitten into but some Wednesday Adams looking women," I laughed, struggling myself to understand what just happened.

"I'm sure he's fine," she waves her hand in my direction before quickly standing up as I did seconds before, " What are you doing?" She questions as I grab my hat off my peg.

Rolling my eyes as I make the reach for my keys, "My job," my fingers scraping the keys before they are snatched out of my reach. Looking up at the elderly women with bored eyes, I hold my hands out waiting for her to cave.

"No, half the department is already helping the city, we need you here in Kings County," she argues quickly running back to her desk, sliding into her roller chair. Out of my vision but not hearing, I hear the clashing of keys, the slamming of metal and the sound of a lock.

She locked my keys in her desk.

"Darcy- " I begin only to be interrupted.

"No" she heaves, hands crossed over her chest tightly, "It's bad enough those two are God knows where doing God knows what, I can't allow the only deputy left in the building to leave."

I would be annoyed and honestly, I am, the woman isn't not letting me do my job, but with just a simple look in her eyes I can see why she doesn't want me to leave, "You're scared," I point out pulling my chair over to the front of her desk, sitting my hat on the table.

Refusing to meet my eyes answered my assumption. She was scared and she had every right to be. What we just watched on the news isn't normal but it's not the first we've heard of this 'infection'. It's been going on for weeks, especially in the city. Residents reporting sights of people staggering through the streets, grabbing and biting anything they can get their hands on. Honestly sounds like a typical weekend in the city in my opinion, after a couple of drinks, you'd be surprised what some people turn into. I haven't seen any of these things personally but that news clip just made everything people have been bustling about all too real.

"These things are apparently migrating. It's not just a city virus, they're making their away out into places like this," her hands brushing the nonexistent lint off the top of my hat, her voice so soft, if you didn't listen closely enough you'd miss it.

"I'm not going to fill you with false hope because honestly, I have no idea what is happening but I will say this if I know you at all, something like a little virus isn't going to be the end to the bombshell that is Darcy Peters."

A small smile begins to creep onto her face, "You should have seen me in my youth," flipping her white shoulder-length hair. Shaking my head with a giggle, I lean over her desk and turn her desktop towards me looking at the set back of work left for her to complete. Moving the mouse to the bottom of the screen I log her off, " Take the rest of the day off."

Knowing fine well she would say no, I left her no room for arguments as I hastily grabbed her coat passing it to her, "Don't tell me no Peters, Deputies orders," I said with authority behind my voice but eventually broke out into a smile at the delightful women before me.

"But what about-" she points at the computer addressing the work she still had to do. Grabbing the women's hands as I begin to drag her out the door, "Don't worry I'll handle it but you need to go home and chill out," snatching her car keys as I begin walking with her hand in hand to her beloved mustard Ford Fiesta.

Opening the driver's door, "M'lady," I bow holding the door. Shaking her head at my act, she wraps her arms around my shoulders, brings me in for a hug, slightly shocked but I hug her back none less, "Thank you, Macy," she laughs in my ear before pulling away, cupping my face like an affectionate grandmother.

Slapping my cheeks lightly she points her finger timidly at my face, "Now no running off play superhero, you're needed here," her eyes never leaving mine as though to challenge me to say otherwise. Well, I like a challenge, "No promises."

A dead look in her eyes causes me to laugh once more, "Okay, I promise I won't run off, I'll stay put. Now beat it, tell Richard I say hi," closing the door behind the women before stepping away from her car.

Just before she was about to drive off, she rolls down her window, "Oh before I forget, here's the key to the desk. Also there's something for Officer Friendly in there you won't miss it," see spoke throwing the flimsy key my way. Nodding my head towards the women, I mockingly salute her off, catching a glimpse of her rolling her eyes smiling.

Tossing the small, rusted key between my hands, I make my way back to Darcy's desk. After a couple of shakes and jiggles, the lock to the drawer eventually clicks. Pulling open the drawer, I grab my car keys stuffing them in my back pocket. That's when my eyes catch a shine reflecting out of the space. Reaching my hand in my finger brush across metal embroidery.

A Sheriff badge.

Unable to help the smile that made its way to my face as I stare down at the achievement of my friend. 'Officer Friendly's going to flip. So will someone else but for a different reason.' Shaking the thought from my head, I quickly run round to the desk of the newly found Sheriff. Going to place the shining badge on the desk, a note stops me;

Gone for a quick lapse of the county. If I'm not back by finish, I'll see you tomorrow, Officer Friendly.

Still sitting the badge on his desk, hoping that he at least makes it back in an hour, his face will be priceless. Snatching the remote from the floor, I flick the television back on, wanting to see if there are any updates on the situation.

'Government officials have requested that everyone stays inside their homes, only leaving unless extremely necessary. Until this is contained, please be cautious. This has been channel 5's news.'

Drowning out the rambling of the adverts, I absorb myself I'm my phone. 7 texts, damn I'm popular.

From Corey. Hey, can you drop me off :) Sent 07:39

From Corey. Oft okay never mind then I know I broke 3 of your car window, but that doesn't forbid access does it?? Fine two can play at that game, I'll walk. Ummmm that's when you're supposed to be the super big sister and say 'no sweet little sister, don't walk and ruin your BRAND NEW BOOTS, I'll happily drop you off' Boo you, you suck :(( Sent at 07:57

From Corey. Hey, can you pick me up ;) Sent at 17:12

This girl, I swear.

To Corey. I'll think about it :)) Sent Now.

Collecting my things, preparing myself for my leave. All too quickly trying to rush out the door, I skid to a halt and turn round to a certain desk in particular. Contemplating my options, I decided to take the newly found badge with me. For one; it is past shift time and I really want to witness his face when he gets promoted.' I'll just give it to him tomorrow when everyone's here', I thought.

Now I'm well aware that my car isn't exactly the best site for sore eyes, I'll be the first to admit that, but it was my dream car and it was the first real big purchase I ever made as an adult. My glorious, yellow Volkswagen Beetle. She's seen better days that for sure, but she means a lot to me and a couple of bumps and scratches isn't going to make me trade her in. Ever.

I grew up in Mormont, Georgia. A small county that no one has heard of and when people ask where I'm from I'm always met with the same look. In Mormont everybody knows everybody. It's a tight-knit community with no secrets. When word got out the resident widow had adopted 3 girls from the now shut down orphanage, the community was sent into a frenzy.

The same woman who was framed for burning down her old farmhouse that her husband happened to be still asleep in, was now going to be a mother of 3 very different daughters.

Without my mom I wouldn't even be here today, I would be how I am today. Mom adopted me when I was 4 years old, and even at a young age, I know that something about me was different from the other kids at kindergarten. Kids would come and leave joyfully holding the hands of their parents whitest they rambled on about what we did that day. I would leave on a bus with a woman who didn't really care enough to remember my name, looking after me in the centre was just a 9 to 5 for her and she got to go home to her family without a care in the world. I will never forget the day I was called down to the main office.

Believing that I had done something wrong, I reluctantly climbed down the creaking bunk beds steps. Looking around the room, I'm met with many stares, some glaring, some shaking their heads. I was in a room surround by judgemental toddlers.

I've never been called down to the office before. I've seen others been called down and they never come back. Tommy told me that Glenda, the houses mistress, feeds them to the two-headed man in the attic. I never believed him, knowing that he only wanted to scare me but now I'm not so sure. 'I don't want to be eaten', I thought.

One step at a time, I slowly make my way down the wooden steps that despite my lightweight still shriek under my shoes. Before I reach the bottom of the stairs, I'm met by the glorious Glenda. Her lopsided, spectacles clawed eyes boring down at me, 'Come,' she said before spinning around and heading to the room she just walked out from, 'There's someone here to see you."

'Someones here to see me? But I don't know anybody' I thought to myself as I follow behind the women with a newfound spring in my step.

"Mason this is Charlotte, she'd like to adopt you."

I guess you could say that's when I knew. When I first land my eyes on hers, I felt something that then in my short 4 years of life had never felt before, safe. Fast forward 22 years and that feeling had never left. Like the light of an eternal flame, that shine behind my mom's eyes never left, never even flickered. It's a constant reminder, I knew it when I was 4 years old and I still know it now at 26, that home isn't found in a physical building but instead found in those you surround yourself with.

No matter how hard I try, I will never be able to fully express my gratitude towards my mother. She gave me a chance and took me into her home with open arms. She says 'Thats what mothers do' and that might be true but she didn't have too. That's just the type of person she is. A heart of gold, a heart that is far too big for this world. She might not be my birth mother but in my opinion no one could do better, I don't know what I did in a past life to deserve the right to call her my mother, all I know is that I'm forever thankful for that.

Cora, or Corey, my sweet baby sister. The best way to describe her would be prissy. A real drama queen but strong-minded. When it comes to Corey no mountain is too high. Basically it's Corey's world and we're all just live in it. I take deep pride in telling her that she was an ugly baby and I'm not telling any lies. One look at her baby pictures sends a shiver down your spine.

She's your basic stressed college student who believes that the world will end if she fails to hand in one essay on time, but has no problem with partying the night before a big exam. Beginning to understand what type of person Corey is?

Then there's Ally. The big sister, my big sister. I remember growing up and always wanting to be like her when I grew up, I thought she was the coolest person in the world. She shaved off her hair when she was 18 and me and my 8-year-old self desired to do the same. Mom was mortified and kids at school did laugh at me for a while but I didn't care, I wanted to be like my sister, buzz cut and all.

As I grew up however I realised something, Ally had a darkness inside her. When I was younger I never noticed, I always saw her acts for rebellion as inspiration for my own mischief but as I got older and matured, she never. She always stayed the same. It some cases that's a good thing if you're a good person that is. I never believed my sister to be a bad person, more troubled than anything. I think why you get to the age of 36 and still rebel against your mother like an edgy teenager somethings not right.

Ally thinks the world is constantly against her, that the whole world is testing her, but that couldn't be further from the truth. I was the first to know she was pregnant, she didn't tell me herself but the positive stick sitting in the bathroom bunker was a big give away. I've seen her anger a handful of times and more often than not it consumes her, her anger is her own worse enemy and that day I meet the worst of it. There was a lot of screaming and hitting, and things being thrown in my direction. Luckily enough no one else was home when all this happened, but it was quite hard to explain why I had a black eye and Ally had burst knuckles. I lied, that's what I did.

'I got jumped,' it was the best I could come up with at the time. I made up a story of me being mugged and Ally saving the day. Mom barked up a storm, ask question after question, and I was slowly running out of ideas for my action sequence. That was until Ally spoke up,

'I'm going away for a while,' she said placing her fork down on her barely touched the plate, 'Work,' she replied to the looks that were sent her way. I refused to meet her eyes but I knew fine well that she was staring at me in particular, that didn't stop me from listening though.

'Oh, well for how long?,' Mom asked swirling around her glass of wine, 'A couple of months.'

'And what work relate thing causes you to be away for a couple of months?' Corey spoke up, her eyes never leaving Ally's as though to challenge her, 'The companies looking for a new manager, I thought I would try and run for it. It is more money,' she spoke trying to convince not only Cora but our reluctant mother too. Reluctant and our mom isn't two words that I would put together, she's a keen believer of 'if you want it, go and get it', but not when it comes to Ally.

'It seems like a good opportunity,' mother said honestly, nodding her head at her oldest daughter, 'seems like bullshit,' I muttered under my breath causing my mom to kick my shin from under the table, only to be faced with the stern stare of my mom.

'Language Mason' sternly spoke our mom making Cora laugh slightly at the use of my full real name.

'I'm just saying, she seems to go on a lot of these trips and comes back empty-handed every time, sorry for having some doubt.'

'That's enough Cora,' Mom said not breaking eye contact with her youngest who is sitting across the dinner table from her, 'yeah whatever, can I be excused?' Before she could get an answer she was already on her feet marching out the room.

Nodding sadly, mom looked around the table at the remaining 2, 'Macy, darling, you've barely touched your dinner.'

Meeting her eyes, 'I had a big lunch,' the lies pouring out my mouth at this point.

The rest of the dinner that night was filled with awkward silence. The sound of the chair next to me scraping against the old hardwood floor breaks my concentrated gaze on my plate. Ally's hard duty boots marching out of the room and storming up the stairs.

My mom let out a sigh and placed her fork on her now empty plate, looking up at the only remaining daughter at the table. Flashing my mom a small smile, taking a sip of my now lukewarm water, "You make good spaghetti mom"

"Go check on her for me please," she practical begged, her voice suggesting nothing but defeat, "She never talks to me anymore."

'I'm probably the last person she wants to see," is what I wanted to say to my mom, but looking at my mother with her head in her hands at the thought of my troubled older sister broke my heart.

Before taking the dreaded walk up the stairs and to the door at the end of the hall, I placed a hand on my mom's shoulder, squeezing in reassurance.

'Everything will be okay.' I thought to myself.

Knocking on the door, only to receive no reply, 'I know you're in there,' I said continuously knocking on the oak door. Getting bored with being ignored, I did the brave and open the forbidden door, Ally's bedroom door.

Ally's bedroom is something, I don't know what that something is but it screams Ally. It's dishevelled yet bland, perfect for Ally I guess. Nothing but a set of drawers with half the handles missing, piles of dirty washing sitting in the corner of her room that will probably stay there for weeks, and a chipped dark wood bed. And then there's Ally, who is currently packing a bag.

'There is no business trip is there?' I asked even though I fine well knew the answer already. Throwing the last of her clothes in the bag, she stares me dead in the eye from her position at the bottom of her bed, 'I have to get out of here.'

Walking further into her room as she walks back to her drawers closing them loudly, 'Promise me one thing,' I asked looking out the window at the deserted street. Hearing no noise for behind me I continued, 'That we'll get to meet them one day,'

'I can't promise you that,' turning round to stare at her in confusion, 'what you're never coming back?' I asked softly shaking my head at the idea of her leave and never returning. Ally goes away a lot but she always comes back. We might not be as close as we use to be when I was younger but it's a comfort to know that she's here with us.

She just looked at me not speaking yet her glances spoke a thousand words. I didn't know silence could get any quieter but I was proven wrong in that moment. It was as though the whole world stopped spinning, it was like the world ended right and then. Shaking my head at my sister mentality, my heartbreaking even at the thought of what she wanted to do, 'Oh,' was the only response I muster up as I move to sit at the edge of the bed, my legs suddenly feeling like jello.

Rubbing my hands over my eyes and tugging at my hair, trying to get all my thoughts to settle down. The feel of a hand softly holding my shoulder caught my attention. Looking down at me was my sister, my big sister, that I wanted with every fibre of my being to be like when I grew up. But people change, and Ally surely did. That moment made me realise something, Ally never changed. No, she was always the same. It was me who changed, I was just too young to realise.

The day that Ally left, a part of myself left with her, and that necessarily wasn't a bad thing. No, she took the naive part with her. The sense that everything was okay now, that everything was perfect now because I had a family. Sometimes families go through rough patches and for some reason ours was never-ending.

Shaking my head, snapping myself out of my thoughts, focussing once more on my journey home. I love county lanes, there the best to drive on. You can go as fast as you want and when you go over a little hill you get those silly butterflies in the pit of your stomach. My family hates driving with me on these roads. Apparently I'm too careless when it comes to driving, I argue that I'm not careless I'm just used to acting like I'm in the Fast and Furious movies.

Speaking of radical driving, I hit the breaks slowly once I spot what's up ahead. A car parked sporadically in the middle of the lane, but that's not what's got me confused. There are people, a headcount of about ten, all banging their hands lazily on the windows of the car, smearing their faces over the glass.

Cutting the engine, leaning over to the car pocket reaching for my emergency gun, I slowly stalk my way out of the car. Holding the gun with both hands at the ground, the safety still on as I make my way closer but not too close.

"Hey, what are you guys doing, what's the problem-" my voice slowly losing its confidence as the figures around the car turn to face me and begin to walk drunkenly towards me. The noise they make doesn't sound too good, the air now filled with grunts and groans, the sounds of pain. I noticed a couple not paying me any mind, to busy eating something. Oh.

Realising exactly what I'm witnessing. Those are the sick people that has the world on edge. A group of them a coming right towards me. Raising my gun and flipping the safety off, I take aim, "Don't come any closer, I'll shoot," I announce not really wanting to have to shoot them. I might as well not have spoken, they just keep pushing, stumbling over one another as they inch closer.

Lining up, setting my sights on one, in particular, a middle-aged man, a civilian, I shoot one shot into his left leg. Nothing. A slight knockback at most but he's still alive. Trying again, I aim for his chest and the same happened again. Lastly shooting the head, that's what does it. He's down.

That one alone took up to much time, I have another 8 headed my way and I only have a limited amount of bullets. The odds were not in my favour, that much was clear. Making a dash for my car, hastily ripping my keys from my pocket. Silence.

"Come on don't fail me now!" I said through gritted teeth. Shoving the keys into the engine once more and twisting. Sounds of my struggle echo throughout the car as I feel the nonexistent sweat beginning to build as my breath becomes hot with frustration. Now as good a point as any to point out that I have 3 broken windows, no thanks to Cora. Not broken as in they don't go down, oh no, they don't go up. I mean how one single girl breaks 3 windows is beyond me. Honestly, it didn't bother me that much to begin with, it gives my car character. Right now though it's a different story.

If my internal panic with my car not starts wasn't enough, then maybe those things reaching their grimy hands in my car are. Before I knew it my car was surrounded by the creatures, some toppling over the bonnet of my car, others pushing their hands through my half-cracked down windows. I feel the lazy touch of the fingers brushing against my shoulders and hair causing my entire body to shiver.

"Please" I beg over the sounds of the deathly groans and screams. Turning the key again with my sweaty hands, my body shaking in fear of what's to come. As though Jumpstarted, my car roars to life. The sound of my own engine has never sounded so delightful and I should honestly appreciate it more.

Not caring for speed limits, I push the pedal to the metal. The shrieking of my tires scraping on the hard concrete leaving evidence of my wheels spinning. Pushing through the moss pit of things before my car wasn't as hard as it sounds, even though they look like dead weight, they are quite easy to redirect.

Speeding my car a distance away for the scene, next to the car they were previously attacking, before I slow to a stop again, looking in my rearview mirror. They're following me. Looking to my left, I see the beaten car. Curdling blood dripping from the passenger seat window with loose pieces of straggling hair stuck to the wing mirror. Leaning over slightly I see a few fingers laying on the ground. Holding back my gag, I look back up into the car, only to be met with a figure. A hard to distinguish figure. Completely devoured and unrecognisable. Those rabid animals shredded these poor souls face to shreds with any features now ruined.

Shaking my head at the sounds of the things coming closer to my car again, I slowing start moving, only to hit the breaks instantly as a thought came to my head. Looking in my rearview mirror again at the car, tears begin to build in my eyes. A mustard Ford Fiesta. That's the car. That's her car. My cheeks slightly soaked, my hands shaking once again as I roughly grab the roots of my hair. Having enough, I swat away the tears that are trailing down my cheeks, nose scrunched up as I try my hardest not to look back again. I didn't.

Driving down that road, the road that usually fills me with overwhelming joy, felt different this time around. It felt darker. The road that I knew ultimately leads me to home is beginning to feel like a drag. It's a road that I never want to drive down again because the only thought that I can think of now is: it's my fault.

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reel-em-in · 4 years ago

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Pre-Production:

I feel that the pre-production for Coming Out Country went really well. We researched a few different things in relation to country music, but there was a big focus on the stereotypes held about the genre and those who listen to it, wether country always had ties to conservatism and right-leaning ideals, and examples of country artists that are/were more progressive or queer themselves. I also created a survey during pre-production which I posted in some groups online, as well as sending to people that I know. This was to find out a surface level view of the demographics of people who consider themselves fans of country music and wether these fans feel they had been treated unfairly within the country music fan base due to their identity. It also had a section for people who did not consider themselves fans of the genre, and instead they were asked what their feelings were towards country, if they disliked the genre they could tell me why, and what there stereotypes were about country music fans. This was interesting as something I noticed was that many of the stereotypes had their origins in classism (many felt that country fans were less educated and less progressive and suggested that this was due to their rural/less well-off upbringing).

We also conducted some zoom interviews during pre-production. With the group formulating questions to ask me. This allowed us to get an idea about the sorts of things I would be able to talk about in the film, and what was of interest to the group. This was very useful as country music is a special interest of mine so I would find anything about the topic to be interesting, whereas I understand that to the general populace it probably wouldn’t be that interesting. These interviews fed into the questions that would later be asked during the interviews during production.

I also spent a lot of time collecting the archive photographs. I managed to get a large selection of possible photos, whilst also learning that we have more photographs of agricultural machinery in the house than of me as a child. An amusing fact.

Production:

I feel that for the most part the production of our documentary was successful, though there are definitely a couple of things that I would improve upon.

Production began with me getting the b-roll footage of me working on the farm. This footage worked well within our documentary, though it is also something that I would have done differently had we not been in a pandemic. In a perfect world I would have liked to have had the group (or at least Luke as our DoP) come to the farm and film the b-roll footage properly with a camera. Though due to travel restrictions this was not possible. I had also left my camera in Edinburgh as I was not anticipating being home for so long. This meant that I had to film the b-roll footage on my phone, and ask my mum to be my camerawoman. Telling her what footage I needed, and then getting her to point and shoot. She now knows all about the rule of thirds!

Once I was back in Edinburgh, Luke and I shot the rest of the footage. We spent a few days in my flat filming the interviews as well as some of the songwriting process, and eventually the song. I think this worked really well as due to Luke being a friend of mine I felt much more able to open up in the interviews than I would have if someone I didn’t know that well had been the one asking questions. This meant that our doc took a much more personal direction than it was originally going to.

A lot of the song writing process was also filmed, though much of it wasn’t as it was a long process. I am pleased with the final song, though it was definitely difficult to write. Now that I have proved to myself that I can do it, I plan on writing more of my own music though.

We also recorded the song during this time, something that I think was really well done! I would have liked to record the song in a studio, but unfortunately to to time constraints and Covid restrictions this was not possible. With that being said I think the recording is of a really good quality for being recorded in my room, with sound equipment that Luke had access to.

Post Production:

The post production was also mostly successful, though once again there are a couple of improvements that could be made.

Beth began the editing process, putting together the first cut before I joined her for the rest of the editing process. I spent several days with Beth working on the edit, creating the narrative of the film from things that had been discussed in the interview. This was a difficult process as we had so much footage from the interviews with so many interesting points that deciding was to keep in the film and what to discard was a bit of a nightmare. I feel like what made it into the final cut worked really well though. We were working under more time constraints than initially planned due to other projects we were working on simultaneously, but each day we would send our cut to Sana and Leo for feedback, and act upon that feedback the next day.

One thing I would have done differently though is to have included the sound from the interviews underneath the archive photographs, as the lack of dialogue did impact the flow of the film. I don’t think this was too much of a problem, but having dialogue there would have definitely improved the final film.

Once we had picture lock, we sent everything off to Jess for the sound design. This was also done with more time constraints than we would have liked, but I feel that it was mostly successful. I think that the levels of the mix were great for the most part, and the different audio clips blended into one another nicely. Without any noticeable or jarring cuts. Though Leo mentioned that the water sounds over the archive photograph of me sitting by a pond was somewhat jarring. If we were to revisit the sound design I think that this could be fixed by either bringing it lower in the mix, or by adding similar linking sound effects to the other archive photographs. Or perhaps a mixture of both.

The final step of the post production process was to send it to Luke for colour grading, and for Luke and I to add the titles. The colour grading was really well done, and made the film link together much more than in our non-graded cut. The titles and credits were inspired by westerns, something that I think worked well within our film both through its thematic links to country as well as through the fun and quirky atmosphere it created. We also chose to have the credits appear in time with the final part of the song, and be in the colours of the trans pride flag.

A couple of other things I would have changed during post-production I should have done during this final step. The first is that I would have liked to have added subtitles to the song, as the lyrics draw on a lot of the topics discussed during the film. The use of subtitles would have been a great way to draw attention to this. The second thing I would change is the way that I am credited. I realised after submitting the film that at no point do we introduce the character that is the focus, for all the viewer knows this is just some dude with green hair and no name. Even if I didn’t include a name or anything earlier in the film, it would have been a good idea to have clarity given in the credits by perhaps saying ‘starring and directed by’ or something similar.

Overall:

Overall I feel that Coming Out Country was a success, both in terms of the final film, and the fun that we had making it. It is also a project that I plan to improve by acting on feedback from the crit, as I want to make sure it is as good as it can be and can be added to my portfolio.

Feedback From the Crit:

I know that some of this was covered in the rest of this post, but I have included it anyway :)

Sana:

What Worked Well:

The hand held footage on the farm

The structure

That it took a more personal route than originally intended

What Could Be Improved:

The cutting back and forth between interview, archive, and b-roll didn’t work as well. It would have been nice to remain with the b-roll for longer

It would have been good if my grandfather had been reintroduced into the narrative again, later in the film

The archive photographs could have been used more effectively. Some of them feel as though they were added a bit randomly

Leo:

“This is a really enjoyable film for people who know Tom, and don’t know much about country music. If you touch up the edit a bit it can also be a really enjoyable film for people who don’t know Tom, but enjoy country music.”

What Worked Well:

Fun to watch and listen to

Luke was included as a character (both visually and through audio), but he did not feel overbearing. The choice to not include his face even when he was on screen playing guitar was well made.

The titles

The song was well written and recorded

What Could Be Improved:

Dialogue should have ran under the archive photographs

The water sounds were a bit jarring

The narrative ‘sections’ could have been made to intertwine more, rather than being in distinct blocks

The Class:

What Worked Well:

It was fun to watch

It represented who I was well (it’s just a shame if people didn’t already know me they wouldn’t have known who the person represented was).

What Could Be Improved:

Could have played more on the juxtaposition between the country stereotype of right wing ideologies and my identity

It could have been interesting to have my trans identity act as more of a reveal

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fatesdeepdive · 4 years ago

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Entry 1: Anticipation

Introduction

What is your most anticipated game? Not the upcoming game that you’re excited about, the game that, more than any other, made you count down the days until its release. No game has ever made me as excited for its release like Fire Emblem Fates did.

Fire Emblem Fates was first announced in January 2015. Back when that trailer was first released, I was still obsessively playing through Fire Emblem Awakening, the game Fire Emblem Fates was meant to be a successor for. The trailer hooked me and I eagerly waited for more information on this bold new entry into the Fire Emblem series. The trailer showed a battle between two armies, a monster destroying a castle, a woman dancing, and a duel between two swordsmen. Between these clips, the trailer showed a return of Awakening’s gameplay, the addictive gameplay that’d taken away hundreds of hours of my free time. This trailer told us nothing, leaving me eager to learn more about this new story.

As the months went on, it was announced that Fates would tell the story of two kingdoms at war. More interestingly, the player would be given the opportunity to choose which kingdom to support, adding a layer of moral ambiguity and complexity to the story. I loved this concept and had no doubts it would be executed perfectly. The game released in June 2015 in Japan, but American fans had to wait until January of the next year to play it.

I bought the game as soon as it came out.

And I loved it. I played through all three routes half a dozen times each. For about six months, Fire Emblem Fates was the main game I played.

I haven’t played Fates in four and a half years. I don’t know why I went from spending multiple hours each day playing it to dropping it and never going back. I’ve played Awakening about once a year since then, but I haven’t gone back to Fates for some reason.

Since its release, Fates has gained a certain...reputation among the Fire Emblem fanbase. Put bluntly, it’s widely considered to be the worst Fire Emblem game. And, to be honest...I can kinda see why. Looking back, the game’s writing was filled to the brim with problems. But still, I can’t bring myself to hate the game like other Fire Emblem fans. I still remember asking my mom to preorder it for my Christmas present when I was fifteen. I still remember devoting hours of my life to this game.

So, I’m left with this quandary. Who should I trust? Other fans, or the memories of my youth? Is Fates really as bad as people say? Well, I kinda want to figure that out for myself. And I think the only way to figure this out is to obsessively play the game.

Over the next few months, I’m going to do a deep dive through Fire Emblem Fates and post my thoughts on this blog. I’m going to go through every chapter, every support conversation, every part of this game to answer the question: is Fire Emblem Fates a good game?

Opening Cutscene

Booting up my copy of Birthright for the first time in years, I’m greeted with an opening cutscene containing much of the footage from the trailer. It’s worth noting that the two armies from the trailer have very different aesthetics, one being heavily influenced by feudal Japan and one being heavily influenced by medieval Europe. The transition from the battle to the woman dancing is done by zooming out, revealing that this battle is actually taking place inside a painting. I actually really like this, it shows that the hostilities that this game is centered on have been going on for a long time.

Another thing to note: the song the dancing woman is singing has been translated into English. I’ll be going through the Lost in Thoughts All Alone’s lyrics and analyzing them when they appear in the actual story. The dance scene leads into circling shots of two families; judging from their different styles and fancy clothing, they are presumably related to the two kingdoms at war. The eastern family has a red and white color scheme, while the western one has a black and purple color scheme.

After that, the camera pans into a deep chasm until it arrives in a land of floating castles and islands, which looks interesting. Next, the opening cutscene shows the dancer in a lake, being choked by a large dragon-like creature. As the creature pushes her further underwater, its scales turn into light and fade away, turning into a humanoid form. Finally, the trailer shows the two swordsmen clashing as the dancer freaks out, setting her up as being an in-between that doesn’t want this conflict to grow. Her necklace flies off as she panics and lands in a pool of dark blue water, bringing us to the main menu.

The opening cutscene, like the trailer, hooked me in and made me excited to play this game. Even though I know that the game is going to bungle the story beats it sets up, I’m still excited to dive right it.

While staring at the dark title screen, which features only the quiet sound of waves for background noise, I get a strange hint of nostalgia. It’s a weird type of nostalgia, though. When I replied Awakening last fall, it felt familiar and comforting. Coming back to Fates, it doesn’t feel familiar. I recognize it, and it’s nostalgic, but it isn’t comforting. It’s like nostalgia for something I’ve forgotten, if that makes sense.

Character Creation

Jumping in, I am presented with three settings each for two types of difficulty. Normal/Hard/Lunatic control the strength of enemies, while Phoenix/Casual/Classic determine whether or not units come back to life. I’ll be checking out the other difficulties in a later entry, but for now, I create a Normal/Casual save file. Yes, it’s taking the easy path. But I barely remember this game and am playing it on a deadline, I don’t have the time to restart every level multiple times.

Next comes the character creator. We’re shown the player Avatar standing at the bottom of a lake and given the ability to customize gender, build, hairstyle, hair decoration (if a girl), hair color, face, scars, and voice. None of the options look bad, but the fact that it’s just choosing from a set list of faces is a bit disappointing. Understandable, considering the fact that these assets are drawn in, but that just raises the question of why there needed to be customization in the first place.

A few oddities about the character creator: hairstyles are sorted on two axis chart of Stylish/Simple vs Wild/Slick for boys and Long/Short vs Cute/Wild for girls. I don’t have time to go into each hairstyle, some are better than the canon versions, some are absolutely ridiculous, some are just boring. The short build is the canon design for Male Corrin while the tall build is canon for Female Corrin. This is probably for the best, because Short Girl Corrin looks like she’s eight. Finally, while both choices have three voice choices, two of Male Corrin’s choices are played by Cam Clarke (Corrin’s other male voice is Yuri Lowenthal, while Female Corrin’s voices are performed by Danielle Judovits, Marcella Lentz-Pope, and Stephanie Lemelin). Later games featuring Corrin stick with Clarke and Lentz-Pope.

I flip a coin and end up deciding on Female Corrin. I go with the generic design, because I really don’t care enough to customize her. Speaking of design, Corrin’s design is a mixed bag. Regardless of player choice, Corrin always wears the same outfit: a grey, black, and white suit of armor with a blue cape. Corrin’s generic hair color is also grey, but like a pinkish grey. I do appreciate Corrin being associated with grey, gold, and blue, making them visually appear to be between worlds, but I personally think the armor looks too complicated, looking more like a striped suit than actual armor. I also don’t get why it has a neck cuff.

Also, Corrin is barefoot. Always. This does give Corrin a sort of animalistic appearance, but that design element isn’t present anywhere else in Corrin’s design. Fire Emblem Awakening was kinda infamous for the fact that none of its characters had feet on their models and I get the vague feeling this game is overcompensating.

Next, we get to the details that actually matter. Name (I went with Corrin, because it’s the canon name and I don’t relate to this character at all), Birthday, Boon, Bane, and Talent. Boon and Bane determine stat growths, but they are labeled by personality traits instead of the actual stars, which is both more immersive and slightly annoying. I made Corrin Quick and Unlucky. Talent determines what Classes are available to you. I didn’t care, so I spun it randomly. It landed on Mercenary.

Prologue: The Ties that Bind

Now that we have our character created, let’s start the game. The game starts with the dancer singing Lost in Thoughts All Alone at the shore of a lake before walking into the lake and sinking below the waves. The song continues as she goes underwater, which means she must be amazing at ventriloquism. As she goes deeper underwater, ruins start to appear, floating in the water. The dancer swims into a bright light and disappears.

Smash cut to the Western prince riding on a horse, commanding an army as they charge into battle. The Eastern prince charges through his army, wielding a sword surrounded by lightning. The anime cutscenes in this game are beautifully animated and incredibly cool to watch. The Eastern prince introduces himself as Ryoma of Hoshido and challenges the Western prince, Xander of Nohr, to a duel. Xander accepts and charges into battle, wielding a sword surrounded by shadowy purple fog. The two clash as the cutscene ends.

We then see Corrin and a Hoshidan Pegasus Rider named Hinoka fighting an enemy, This fight is rendered as an actual game cutscene. Side note, the fact that this scripted battle features Hinoka guarding an attack for Corrin is a great way to foreshadow that mechanic. Hinoka mentions that Corrin looks distracted and reassures her, pointing out that all of Corrin’s siblings are here.

The game then moves onto introducing basic mechanics. If you move your cursor away and look at the other units on the battlefield, you’ll notice that all of them have unique names and designs. Fire Emblem Fates shows both armies off to you during the prologue, which is really interesting. Still, it must be noted that the Nohrian Units are marked as enemies and the Hoshidan Units are marked as allies. This isn’t super important now, but keep it in mind.

Between turns, Ryoma asks Xander why he’s invading and mentions a cowardly attack. Xander tells him to surrender and the two fight some more, both doing decent damage. The camera pans over to Xander’s siblings. The youngest of them, Elise, mentions that, due to a bridge collapse, they can’t get over to Corrin. Her older sister, Camilla, tells her not to worry, because their royal blood allows them to manipulate dragon veins. Camilla moves over to the river and a fireball flies out of her, striking the river and evaporating it. The third of Xander’s siblings, Leo, tells Elise to stay back as they attack the Hoshidans. The Hoshidan royals remark that Camilla’s use of a dragon vein means she’s royalty and the Hoshidan prince Tamuki smirks, saying that he’s always wanted to use a Nohrian royal as target practice.

The two armies of named characters start fighting and a Nohrian general named Hans shows up with an army of reinforcements. He then refers to his own army as cannon fodder and says king Garon sent him to kill them all, because he’s very obviously an evil person. A Hoshidan general shows up and we get some more tutorials as Corrin and Takumi beat up a single redshirt. And then the level just ends.

Corrin and the Hoshidan royals run up to the bridge to help out Ryoma. Xander calls out to Corrin, happy to have found her alive and well. He beckons her to come back to her family, which angers Ryoma, who shouts that Corrin is his sister. Xander counters, saying that Corrin is HIS sister. The other royals argue over which family owns Corrin and Hinoka states that the Nohrians kidnapped her. Xander points out that the Nohrians raised Corrin since she was a child and are her real family. As the two families fight over Corrin, the screen fades to white and we hear voices yelling for Corrin to wake up.

The prologue features some good teaching of mechanics, some bad teaching of mechanics, and an introduction to the game’s plot. It introduces two countries at war and Corrin, a bridge between the two that is caught up in this war. I just have one question.

What even is this chapter? It isn’t in media res, the actual point in the game this chapter is playing off of happens differently. The fact that it cuts to Corrin waking up implies that it’s a premonition of the future, but Corrin can’t see the future in other parts of the game. At least, I don’t remember that ever happening. Sure, this chapter introduces the plot, but it does it in such a confusing way.

Awakening did something similar to this, admittedly, but Awakening is a game about time travel. That scene happened, just in a different timeline. Awakening’s use of media res both set up the plot and helped foreshadow the game’s main twist.

Also, the Hoshidans are allies and the Nohrians are enemies. In a game about a morally grey conflict between two sides made up of real, suffering people, it’s not great to start out by calling one of them evil.

These two traits, aping Awakening without knowing why it worked and failing to be a morally grey story, are going to become much more apparent as the game goes on...

#fire emblem fates #fire emblem #corrin #fe14

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the-phoenix-heralds · 5 years ago

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Coping with Online Classes while Neurodivergent

(Mostly aimed at those with ADHD and Autism, as I have ADHD and NVLD)

Organization

If you aren’t already keeping a planner this is a great time to start, It will allow you to not only remember the overload of information you are getting but also to organize it. (Also don’t be afraid of modifying how you use your planners, I for example am now using a completely different planner than the one I have been using for the past 2 years)

Also It will help you keep track of time (especially now that everyday seems to blend together)

Google calendar is great as not only is it online (and you are able to keep it both on your computer and phone) but Zoom is also allowing teachers to schedule classes on through it so they show up automatically on you calendar

If you haven’t already joined/made a class group chat, DO IT! being able to ask classmates/friends for advice/help is going to be more important than ever now, I have been relying on mine to keep me accountable and attending my classes on time

It is completely reasonable to ask your teachers to set a “firm” schedule, ie “we only meet for classes on Tuesdays and assignments will always be due on Thursdays”. Even if this is only true in *most* cases it is still a huge step forward in establishing a schedule and a sense of normalcy.

Use Google Drive and Bookmarks to organize your digital resources, sorting them first by class then by type (textbook, questions, data sheet, etc.) or how ever else you deem appropriate. This will save you time and keep you from losing documents

Gmail allows you to add searchable and colour-coded labels to your emails, these are great to wrangle your now completely overwhelmed inbox. My teachers tend to send their Zoom invite emails out directly after class meaning I might not need them for entire week, so I now tag them “zoom” so when I’m scrambling a few minutes before class I can find them in one search

Coursework

do not be afraid to directly ask teachers how their marking criteria and curriculum have changed. Even if they are only able to give you an approximate answer, this should still help you prioritize your work and know how much time to give each assignment

also do not be afraid to tell teacher how/if you are struggling, many of us have spent years learning how to cope with a “normal” learning environment. Asking us to adapt all of our coping strategies and modifications in a few days is unrealistic and many teachers thankfully understand this

Also don’t be afraid to get creative with adapting your new coursework, If you usually answer questions orally you can use the speech to text function in Google Docs or submit audio of your answers via email

Productivity

DON’T DO YOUR HOMEWORK IN YOUR BED OR ATTEND CLASS FROM THERE. I know how tempting it is, but It’s amazing how much easier attending class is for me from my desk. Differentiating spaces helps you mind organize what you do where, you don’t have to have a desk just somewhere that preferably Isn’t your bed.

Set a schedule to follow during the week, but also be realistic with what you know you can and will accomplish. For example, I have to be in Zoom classes every morning at 8:35am, so I have to be up by 8 and be “presentable” (this is very low bar for me, it literally only means that I don’t look like I got mauled by raccoons) and have made myself breakfast and coffee by 8:30.

Take structured breaks at certain times of the day and go outside/open a window, eat, refill your water or just to simply take a break from the internet/screens.

Try using noise cancelling headphones or earbuds to limit the amount of outside stimuli, and arrange your desk so it is not visually overwhelming (ie. no huge piles of work or text books)

Zoom

Zoom is currently sensory hell for me and I haven’t seen a lot of information on what to do so here’s whats working for me right now

Asking for notes before class is a classic accommodation so don’t be afraid to ask your teacher, chances are they are already providing notes to someone else (If a teacher shoots you down ask a trusted friend for a copy of their notes, or to take turns note taking)

Ask your teacher to mute microphones during lectures and to only turn them on for discussions/questions, It’s amazing the amount of background noise this eliminates

Find the best place for internet in your living situation, or If possible switch to wired Ethernet (I went from 1.5-3 MBS to 150 MBS just by switching to a wired connection even though I was already less than 2M from a WiFi modem)

If it’s visual stimuli that’s the issue, Zoom let’s you choose if you only see your teacher/ how many of your classmates you can see at any given time and also lets you reduce the size of the window. It will also outline whoever is talking in lime green, to help direct your focus

download an audio mixer, this should give you the ability to cut the audio frequencies above and below the range of speech, while this won’t cut all the distracting noise it should reduce it and cut what sounds the most “artificial” (which I have the most issue with)

you can also download KRISP a program that does this for you (If you email them you can get it for free for the next six months)

Find ways to fidget that can help you focus, I for example have been knitting during class discussions because it not only helps me focus but the added input also helps me interrupt people less and listen better (other recommendations are Rubik’s cubes, stress balls or even doodling)

Don’t be afraid to turn off your camera for a few minutes to work or take a break, taking a break before you shut down is always better than after you do

also don’t be afraid to mute the class, If you already have the notes and understand them you are mostly there for the attendance/participation marks anyway

Now even though I advise talking to your teacher before you turn off/mute any part of the zoom I also understand that many teachers won’t be willing to make those accommodations and that most of this can be done easily without the teachers knowledge. As long as you are trying don’t feel guilty for adapting online classes to fit your specific needs.

Other Tips and Tricks

make friends with the SEA’s (Special Education Assistant’s or your equivalent) even if you don’t get support, they are having to adapt classes for their students and are able to offer an incredible amount of insight and help (they are also some of the most compassionate and determined people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing)

along the same vein make friends with other Neurodivetgent students, not only so you know what is working for others but also because the more people asking for help/accommodation the more likely you are to get it (never underestimate collective bargaining)

If you are new to self advocating or communicating adaptations through email take a look at Understood.org , they have amazing and simple to understand information on different learning issues in all ages from infancy to adulthood as well as common accommodations and why they are used. It’s an amazing tool to not only explain neurodiversity but also to find solutions and how to communicate them to others. They also now have an entire page on how to adapt to covid-19 as a student and as an educator

Finally do not be afraid to ask for help, everyone is going to need help and grace during this time, you do not need to be ashamed of it. (I personally am battling some shame over asking for more comprehensive accommodations during these times)

@dashing-hyphen @galazybunny @mouwwie

#Neurodivergent #neurodivergent studyblr #adhd #actually adhd #autism #actually autistic #NVLD #studyblr #study motivation #zoom

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metaphorewhore25 · 3 years ago

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Beach Rats (2017) & Why We Need More Movies Like It

There is a general underlying paradigm in society that “men do the looking and women are to be looked at” and Beach Rats (2017) is a movie that challenges that from its very first shot. The movie opens with an 18-something teenager taking mirror selfies in a dirty basement mirror. The camera pans over his very masculine features – his biceps, armpit hair, nipples, and the rest of his torso.

I was sold to the movie right there. Hardly do I see movies with such a focus on the male form. I have watched Eliza Hittman’s ‘It Felt Like Love’ (2013) which does the same thing from a teenage girl’s point of view but Beach Rats simply does it more and does it better.

I know that Beach Rats is a gay movie and hence the camera captures the perspective of a boy, not a girl, and hence may not exactly be called ‘The Female Gaze’ but it is written and directed by a cishet woman and frankly, I believe even that is a start when it comes to subverting the male gaze, flipping the camera and putting men at the centre, making them subjects of visual pleasure.

What Beach Rats does extremely well is this: It makes the audience uncomfortable.

And that is precisely why I loved it. In mainstream movies when the lead actresses are introduced by butt-to-lips-to-head shots, it doesn’t really make us uncomfortable anymore because it has become the norm. We’ve just accepted girls being captured in this way. We may even accept young, underage girls portrayed in a sexualized manner but focusing on men’s butts and forearms is sure to make us rethink what we are seeing on screen. Long idle shots of Frankie, the protagonist and his friends shirtless by the beach playing handball or just swimming, their chiselled dude-bro bodies taking up the majority of the screen is something we are quite unused to.

Even the scenes where Frankie is in his room and browsing a gay cam site on the internet makes us feel uncomfortable because we are simply more exposed to women doing these things like posing and pouting. It was quite fresh to see the white man become the one being looked at. It almost felt like revenge to me, like “You see this is how it feels to be constantly scrutinized or unnecessarily sexualized!”

I feel that we need to get more comfortable with the idea of male bodies presented on screen just as we are with female bodies.

However, I am aware that “Revenge” is not what women in the industry are going for, or should go for. Unlike the Male Gaze, the Female Gaze is much trickier to define. Simply objectifying men back will not do. We don’t want to revert the power structure, but rather deconstruct it.

Alina Gufran from The Swaddle says “While the act of objectifying a man through the eyes of a woman remains revolutionary, it ultimately lends itself to a very “male” idea of what the female gaze should be.” When women are handed over the cameras and the pens and the main roles, the product is often not just an objectification of men but rather a humane and emotional portrayal of both men and women as people.

Although, I would personally say that after years of having seen myself and the media around me through men’s perspectives, it is fun sometimes to objectify men and get back at the system.

I believe Beach Rats takes that extra step, by not only sexualizing men like some feminist revenge fantasy but also showing the audience vulnerability, emotions and honest intimacy. The camera zooms in on Frankie’s face a lot. He is often dreamy, confused or just melancholic. In the course of the movie his father, suffering from cancer passes away, he witnesses his younger sister getting intimate with a boy her age and his friends, although given hardly any dialogues are a key influence in his life as he often forced to fit in with them and arrange drugs for them which he steals from his father’s medicine cabinet. His friends are toxic and not at all empathetic as he often proclaims “These are not my friends” as a joke with an element of truth. All this while he is navigating personal conflict regarding his sexuality and suppressing his true self with his friends and family because he cannot fathom how they would understand.

During daylight hours, Frankie has to keep up appearances by maintaining a girlfriend but during the nighttime, he often goes on a website for gay men in Brooklyn and meets up with older men for one-night stands that are often fulfilling, but often also leave him confused.

The film is definitely voyeuristic but it also has its non-sexual intimate moments. There’s a scene where Frankie has to go masturbate before joining his girlfriend in bed because he can’t maintain erections in her presence. In moments like this, we can see his vulnerability as he tries to laugh it off or gets frustrated at his body quite often telling him something else.

My favourite scene I would say is when he decides for the first time to meet up with an older, more experienced man from the website and the camera shoots him preparing for the rendezvous in a very vulnerable and intimate way. Frankie is shown lifting weights to perhaps tone his muscles, trimming his pubic hair with a scissor and taking a shower and giving himself a thorough wash. I believe shots like this, give the character a very human feel and helps the audience relate to his insecurities and struggles that lie behind the muscular façade.

Admittedly, Frankie’s friends are only two-dimensional characters and used as props for plot development and often fall into the cliché dude-bro stereotypes. They are perhaps used only to flex their shapely bodies and contribute to Frankie’s inner conflict. They are not people, they are just cishet men in the movie. They are the ones we may call purely “objectified”.

The sexual politics are at one point even explicitly stated in the film’s dialogue when Frankie asks Simone (his girlfriend) if two men making out is hot. Simone says that two girls making out is no big deal and is obviously hot but two men making out is just gay. Reading into the subtext, the word “gay” here is used in the derogatory sense.

Of course, neither should be seen as “hot”. Homosexuality is supposed to exist in its own place, having an identity of its own and shouldn’t be co-opted by and for heterosexuals for their pleasure or entertainment.

But, due to the infiltration of the male gaze in popular media and a society that entitles men and suppresses female voices; women bear the burden of being unfairly sexualized. This same patriarchy socializes young boys and girls to view themselves a certain way, boys are taught not to be emotional and affectionate and are thus also disadvantaged by the patriarchy. I’m talking about things like “boys don’t cry” or “two guys don’t hold hands”. The movie shows the reflections of these through Frankie’s toxic masculine friends and sometimes even Simone.

Frankie feels like he’d never be accepted into the mainstream of society because of the same sexual politics that exist in the world and that Hittman is trying to deconstruct. It is perhaps due to the fact that Frankie cannot come out that the film is shot mostly in the dark and in dingy places.

Beach Rats is a fine example of a movie that shows us a strong, conspicuous alternative to the male gaze. It does one thing very well and it is depicting male bodies in a casual, real, vulnerable, sexy and overt way and we need more of that. We need more male body presence on the screen because we as a culture of people are so oblivious to it. It’s always “Ass or Tits?”, “Pear-shaped or Hourglass-shaped” and “Skinny or Thick” and all these labels that apply only to women’s bodies to an extent where we perhaps don’t even feel like male bodies are something to be gazed at in the first place.

“Men look for looks and women look for personality”. How often have you heard this? I am not trying to defy the evolutionary explanations which may explain things to some extent. But we as this highly intelligent species cannot be completely bound by merely evolutionary instincts. While The Female Gaze does incorporate emotions and intimacy, I liked how Beach Rats balanced out the emotional and the purely carnal. I am not saying we need more male bodies on screen in simply a sexual way. I want to see male bodies even in very mundane non-sexual ways just because I feel it needs to be normalized. Normalize focusing on the man’s body too in heterosexual romance films perhaps. Beach Rats was quite a refreshing watch despite its dark colour pallet because I was quite frankly amused to see what happens when the camera is reversed and allowed to linger on manly features. Perhaps through this, we may reach the ultimate goal of both men and women moving fluidly between the subject and object of mutual desire.

Posted originally on: https://rishikapandit.com/2021/06/08/beach-rats-why-we-need-more-movies-like-it/

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13lov · 5 years ago

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lucy (m)

pairing: pornstar!taehyung, tattooed!taehyung x pornstar!reader

genre: pornstar au, humor, smut, light f2l, angst if you squint.

word count: 8,305

summary: after reading a few more titles of the videos you’ve uploaded, taehyung has come to the conclusion that you’re the hottest fucking dumbass he’s ever seen and so desperately wants to fuck.

warning(s): smut (masturbation, sex toys, unprotected sex, fingering, creampies ; mention of: face fucking, squirting, gxg), !ENDGAME SPOILERS!.

a/n: inspired by that video of taehyung with the fake tattoos…good lord… sorry i posted this later than i said i would, some stuff came up :( not proofread so i apologize for mistakes.

With one final thrust into the petite girl beneath him, Taehyung was fast to pull his dick completely out of her with the sigh of relief. Sure, he sighed because it was in the script, but he would’ve done it even if it weren’t apart of the porno.

He flopped on the bed, right next to the girl who was playing the role of his horny step-sister. He visualized the script in his head, and waited a few seconds before turning to his co-star and saying, “I gave you what you wanted, now, can I have my skateboard back?”

“AND CUT!” the director yells, standing up from his chair across the room. Taehyung’s manager, Seokjin, enters the set with a bathrobe in one hand and water bottle in the other and hands Tae both. “Everyone did a great job today! Remember to report back here tomorrow at two for the promo shoot, got it?!” the director asks, and everyone confirms they’ll be there.

Taehyung stands up from the messy bed to put on his bathrobe while his former co-star, Rosie, covers herself in the sheets. ‘If you’re so fucking shy, why are you doing porn?’Taehyung thinks to himself, annoyed.

“You did really good, I enjoyed it. And, you’re an amazing actor. Not many stars are good at acting, but you are.” Rosie compliments sweetly and Taehyung feels bad for what he originally thought of her.

“Thanks,” is all he can say to her because (1) he can’t compliment her back because it would be a lie and there’s no need for that, (2) he’s not interested in talking to her, and (3) he’s ready to head back to his trailer and take a shower. “See you tomorrow,” he adds, because he doesn’t want to seem like one of those stuck-up pornstars he hates so badly.

He then leaves the rented airbnb home and takes the quick walk to his trailer with Jin right by his side. “What’d you think?” Taehyung asks.

Seokjin makes a face as he thinks of an answer. “It was…decent. Not your best.”

Tae scoffed, offended, “It wasn’t my porn, I’m only here to get her some clout. You think I enjoy wasting my time with newbies when I could be with a professional? Hell no!” his rant goes on as he approaches his white trailer, opening the door and holding it so Jin can walk in first (because he’s polite like that).

“Then why film with newbies when you hate it so much? Oh wait, because their team is willing to pay big money for the number one pornstar on ‘nexxxtdoor.com’. That’s why.” Seokjin stated once he entered the trailer and sat on the white couch, Taehyung following shortly behind.

Jin was right, Tae was the number one star on the number one porn site in the country. Maybe people were drawn to his blonde mullet that was usually accompanied by one of his many headbands, or maybe it was the floral tattoos decorated nicely across his neck that drove people crazy. But it was probably just the plain old fact that Taehyung was hot, had a pretty dick, and knew how to use it.

“You’re damn right about that,” Tae says, stripping himself of his bathrobe and little clothing. He doesn’t bother to lock to door of the trailer or even cover himself up in front of Seokjin; everyone had already seen him naked, all boundaries have burned down.

“God, I’m so hot,” Jin says suddenly, and Taehyung looks over to see his manager has moved to stand directly in front of the mirror above the couch, looking directly at his reflection. “Maybe I should start doing porn just to give you a run for your money.”

“Ha!” Taehyung laughs, walking to the standing shower and turning on the hot water. “As gorgeous as you are, I’m a pretty tough guy to beat. Aren’t those two guys still fighting for second place? What are their names?” Taehyung snaps his fingers as tried to remember the names of the two porn stars fighting for second place like a bunch of losers.

“Suga, and uh, that Jimin guy. But they actually dropped a few places…” Seokjin’s tone changed, he seemed nervous.

“Oh, yeah?” Tae asked, stepping into the hot shower, “Have people finally gotten bored of them?” He grabs the white bar of soap from its appropriate holder and begins to cleanse himself, starting off with his neck and shoulders.

“Not exactly, people still like them, there’s just this…uh…”

“Spit it out, Jin.” Taehyung demands, moving the bar of soap down to his chest and belly. Small, white bubbles form at the surface but are quickly washed away with the water pouring down from the shower head.

“There’s this new girl who’s going viral really quick; she’s number two.” Jin admits with a nervous cough.

“A girl,” Taehyung repeats, “I like girls. She must be pretty good if she’s growing so quickly.” It’s true; (Taehyung does indeed like girls) it took Tae two years to become number one on nexxxtdoor, so whoever was able to pass stars as good as Jimin and Suga in such a short amount of time had to be fucking amazing.

“She sure is…something. Her name is ‘Lucy Fer’; look her up when you get home. But, yeah, I’m off to go pick up your next script; see you later.” Jin leaved without another word, and Taehyung is still in the shower.

“Lucy Fer…” he repeats in a whisper, “Lucy Fer…”

Taehyung does as he’s told later that night and types in the name of his possible nemesis on nexxtdoor.com. He clicks the little arrow and the search results pop up in a matter of seconds; your channel popping up in full display.

LUCY FER ✓ @lucy_fer im basically a youtuber that taker her clothes off hehe </3 4.7M Subscribers | 192 Videos | Joined 1 Year Ago

Taehyung is confused by your biography, but decides he’ll find out what you mean after looking at some of your videos. And, just by the titles alone, he can see why so many people enjoy watching you:

FUCKING MYSELF WITH A DILDO WHILE I THINK ABOUT MY FUCKBOY EX :( 1,343,400 views

FAILED MATH CLASS BUT I STILL KNOW HOW TO SQRT **NOT CLICKBAIT** 3,473,621 views

ex bf fucks my face while frank ocean plays in my airpod$!!# (ft. namjoooooon) 2,372,084 views

After reading a few more titles of the videos you’ve uploaded, Taehyung has come to the conclusion that you’re the hottest fucking dumbass he’s ever seen and so desperately wants to fuck.

It’s weird for him to feel desperate for the girl literally coming for his career, especially when he hadn’t even seen you in action yet. And for that reason, he doesn’t like you. Does he think you’re hot? Yes. Does he want to fuck you? Of course. Does he dislike you? Actually, yes, but only becaus you’re

He sighed, straightening up in his desk chair as he kept his eyes on the illuminated screen in front of him. Curiosity got the best of him and soon enough, he was scrolling past all of your videos until he gets to your very first one:

GIRL GETS SUPER WET AFTER FEELING APPRECIATED 15,192,604 views

He notices that in every thumbnail, you’re wearing a pair of red devil horns and when you’re very rarely accompanied by someone else, they’re also wearing their own set of horns, identical to yours. Even in your display picture, it’s an up-close photo of you, your hair is down and it’s dripping wet, the devil horns are on full display, and your tongue is stuck out with a lit lighter dangerously close to it.

You’re the devil. Satan. Lucifer. Lucy Fer and oh, he finally understands your stage name.

He smiles lightly and shakes his head in realization. Taehyung’s about to close the laptop and call it a night - he has a long day tomorrow - but, he decides just watching oneof videos wouldn’t hurt. I mean, you are his competition, right? He has to see why you’re so popular.

Taehyung scrolls for a few seconds before clicking on a video titled “masturbating and crying about how broke i am (ft. namjoon aka my ex bf lol)“.

The video buffers quickly, taking Taehyung by surprise. For some reason he pauses it, grabs his laptop whole, and makes his way over to his king-sized bed. He tells himself it’s because he’s going to fall asleep afterwards, but he knows that he’s retreated to the bed for other reasons.

Once he’s in a comfortable position with the Macbook in front of him, Tae finally hits the triangle-shaped button and the video plays.

Your bed and pillows are the only thing in the frame at first, then you step in and sit on the edge of the bed. You’re wearing a red skater skirt that’s a tad bit short, a lacy, black bralette, and your signature devil horns.

You stare at the camera in silence for awhile and Taehyung wonders when you’re finally gonna get down to business. That’s when the camera suddenly zooms in on your face, on the single tear that comes from your left eye and makes its way down your cheek.

"Oh,” Tae says, shocked. He wasn’t actually expecting you to cry, though the title said you would.

The camera zooms from out of your face and goes back to the full body shot of you on the bed. “Why the fuck am I so broke?” you ask, there’s a smile on your face, but another tear slips from your eyes. Taehyung then decides for himself that you are a fucking maniac.

With the way the video is edited, Tae feels like he’s watching one of those popular YouTubers; like Emma Chamberlin or Antonia Garza. Your bio had described you perfectly: you truly were just a YouTuber who took her clothes off, and everyone (including Taehyung) loved it. It was a great idea on your part, since literally no one else made homemade porn the way you did.

With you, it felt so natural and relatable and not at all like the washed-up pornstars that came before you. Your viewers loved you, and they were so attached to you. Though you considered yourself to be just another lost, twenty-three year old, your viewers thought you were perfect because of how honest you are. Being so close to them, you didn’t even mind when they called you Y/N, your real name.

Even at times when you weren’t uploading videos or going live on nexxxtdoor, you held a PG-13 rated Instagram live that allowed you to speak to your supporters on a less intense platform.

You were thankful for them, and they were thankful for you.

In the screen in front of him, Taehyung watches and listens as you talk about your card getting declined at Starbucks as you unclasp your bra. You pull the black straps down slowly until they completely fall off your arms, your boobs spilling out nicely. Your nipples are hard because of how cold it is in your apartment, but you let the people watching think it’s because you’re horny.

Though only the top half of your body is bare, Taehyung still admires you. Many of the girls had had worked with had fake boobs or a fake ass for the most part, not that it was a bad thing, it was just nice to see something he wasn’t used to.

You’re complaining again, this time about how you received a parking ticket that morning and you have no clue how you’re gonna pay for it with the amount of student debt you’re in. With a sigh, you wipe away another pathetic tear before turning on all fours with your ass in view of the camera; the black thong underneath your skirt hardly hiding anything.

Your hand reaches under your pillow and pulls out a white vibrator. It looks dull and worn out, but no one really expecting you to have a top of the line one that costs $100.

“The police officer that gave me the ticket was pretty hot, though,” you say whilst getting into your original position on the bed. Taehyung then pauses the video, not because you’ve done anything wrong, but because he’s now realizing his hand had slipped past his pajama pants and he had began to palm himself through his boxers.

He can’t jerk off to the enemy, it’d only give you more power. But, he can follow the enemy on Instagram.

So he does exactly that.

lucy_fer is live…come watch!

The little banner pops up on Taehyung’s screen, staying for a few seconds before disappearing in his notifications tab. He considers the tempting invitation as he stares at the YouTube video that had been playing before being interrupted.

Sure, it was just an Instagram live and it wouldn’t be that big of a deal if he watched. But, what if you thought otherwise? What if you thought he was only watching just so he could scope out his competition?

“Screw it,” Tae mumbled before pulling down his notifications bar and clicking on the Instagram banner. It loaded within a few seconds and soon enough, Taehyung’s presence had been announced in the stream.

k.taehyung has joined.

But your face was turned elsewhere, talking to someone who was out of view of the camera. Secretly, Tae was hoping you’d turn back in time to acknowledge that fact that he was watching. And, much to his luck, you turned back towards the camera just as his was going away.

“Three hundred already?” you asked, watching the view count go up. “You guys must be bored.”

nam_joonie yep. why dont u take that shirt off and put on a show.

You read your ex-boyfriend’s comment with a sigh, leaning back on your couch as more comments from new viewers filled the screen. “You all know Namjoon,” you said to the viewers, grabbing the cup filled with water that stood on the coffee table next to your propped up phone. “I apologize that my ex is such a perv.” You took a sip of your drink as you roommate, Jennie, leaned into the frame to read a comment that caught her interest.

pinkszn.lisa girl fuck your ex, kim taehyung is here

Once Jennie read the comment out loud the water in your mouth was done for with the way you had begun to cough it up in shock.

You had heard of Taehyung, of course, and it was a surprise enough when he followed you on Instagram a few hours ago. He was intimating, to say the least, with his tattoos and blonde mullet and headbands and…wow. In fact, he was so intimidating, you hadn’t even watched any of his pornos. You knew he was good at his craft and didn’t need to watch any of his stuff to prove it.

When you were able to finally catch your breath, you turned to Jennie, shaking your head in shock. “Stop lying,” you choked out.

Seeing this as a second opportunity from hod himself to make his presence known, Taehyung typed out a comment.

k.taehyung hi hahaha

Rainbow hearts continued to fill up the screen as you read Tae’s comment whith wide eyes. He was actually here, watching you awkwardly get choked up over him.

“Taehyung!” you said suddenly, probably a little too excited. You cleared your throat as a way to calm down, “I…we…” nervously, you looked towards Jennie with a desperate facial expression that yelled ‘help me’.

“Why don’t you…guest him?” Jennie suggested.

“Oh, yes! Can I guest you, Taehyung?” You asked hopefully, though you already had requested for him to join before he could process what was going on. Sitting up on his couch, he looked down at the floor where his housemates Jungkook and Hoseok were sat in front of the television watching whatever sports game was on.

Of course Taehyung could afford to live alone, but these truly were his best friends.

“I’m about to go live. Try not to talk too much.” he said.

“That was a terrible pass,” Jeongguk said to Hoseok, clearly ignoring Taehyung’s request as he kept his eye on the basketball game. “I could pass better than that.”

Hoseok shakes his head, grabbing a few pieces of buttery popcorn that sat in the bowl on his lap. “You can’t even play basketball that good.”

“My point exactly! I could pass better than Williamson and I’m not even good at basketball; that’s tragic.”

With an eyeroll, Taehyung accepts the request to appear in your stream and gets himself in position with his phone camera, taking off his thick, clear glasses only momentarily to properly capture his face in the frame. Seconds later, the stream connect and he appears on the bottom half of the screen with you on top.

You open your mouth in shock once Taehyung is on screen then bring an arm to cover your eyes. “Woah, Taehyung! No shirt?!”

“Woah, Y/N, no bra?” he fired back, pointing out the obvious fact that your nipples were clearly hard under the thin, white shirt you wore. To anyone watching, they could easily mistake the two of you for lifelong friends with the way you were comfortable enough to joke around like this.

Or maybe it was just cheesy pornstar humor.

Slowly, you brought your forearm down from your eyes and got a good luck at Taehyung. He was indeed topless, flower tattoos on full display along with the gold chain that hung loosely around neck. He was a gorgeous sight, to say the least, and it’s no wonder why so many people enjoyed seeing him preform such filthy acts on his partners; never the same person twice, but always getting them to cum more than once.

You then realize this is your first time getting at good look at Tae’s face, other than the few Instagram photos you skimmed through when he followed you the day before. You also then realize you’d been staring at him in awkward silence since you brought your arm away.

You clear your throat, “touché. It’s nice to, like, see you for the first time.”

Taehyung raises a brow, had you never watched any of his stuff? He wants to ask, but also doesn’t want to seem cocky; it’s not like you were obligated to watch his pornos.

He decides to ask, the curiosity is killing him.

“I’m guessing that means you haven’t seen my stuff…” he says.

Now you’re embarrassed and wish you could go back in time and never make that comment about seeing him for thee first time. But you can’t, all you can do is shake your head and say, “I’m sorry, I don’t watch porn.”

“You’re the second most watched pornstar in the country and you don’t even watch porn?” he asks, confused.

You realize how stupid you sound and become embarrassed again. “Wait, no! Not like that, I mean. I watch my own stuff and I have some friends who do porn and I watch them…but that’s for support. I don’t get off to them or anything. Not because I can’t! I just…don’t want to…masturbate to my friends.”

It’s silent as Taehyung tries to take in what you said.

nam_joonie suddenly im not bored anymore

Although you and Namjoon have been broken up for quite some time now, he still knew when you were nervous about something, and that’s exactly what you were now.

You pretend you hadn’t seen Namjoon’s comment the same way to choose to ignore Jennie’s silent laughter fit. “I know who you are, though, Kim Taehyung,“ you nod as if you’re trying to reassure him while Jennie tries her best not to pass out from second-hand embarrassment.

Tae tilts his head up when he chuckles and you’re given an even better view of his neck and the tattoos that accompany it. If given the opportunity, any person would love to leave little purple bruises up and down his throat. But not you (you weren’t like other girls (and boys for that matter)), too afraid to mess with the beautiful artwork that Taehyung truly was.

And on top of that, everything about him was cute and sexy at the same and it nearly made your head explode. For example: the fact that he had neck tattoos was sexy, and the fact that they were flowers and butterflies made it cute. His blonde mullet was sexy, and the baby pink headband he usually wore underneath it was cute.

Then there was his smile. The smirk was sexy, but his boxy smile is what made your heart flutter. You were beyond nervous.

“I love your tattoos,” you compliment, “do you have anymore?”

“Mmhm!” he hums excitedly and it seems like the butterflies on his neck have made their way down to your belly. He holds his left hand up, showing off yet another butterfly tattoo – a blue one. “And I have one one each thigh of a bird.”

nam_joonie omg taehyung ur tattoos are so hot ugh the sexual tension between u two is killing me just fuck one of her holes already!!!

Namjoon isn’t the only one commenting, but it’s the only comment your eyes let you see. Taehyung sees it to and wonders if your ex boyfriend’s bitter jealousy would be a problem in whatever relationship he’s trying to form with you.

“Maybe I will,” Taehyung says with a smirk and no context at all, but everyone had seen Namjoon’s comment – made it hard to miss with it being so long. If you had water in your mouth, you’d be choking on it. And Jennie, who was off to your side, had her jaw slacked open at Tae’s straightforward and risky reply.

user1 we-

user2 TEA !

user3 and i oop-

…And more twitter slang flood the chat. You and Taehyung stay on live for another half hour, Namjoon doesn’t comment again so you assume he left after what Taehyung said. The rest of the broadcast goes well, consisting of you and Tae joking and talking and flirting with Jennie occasionally making fun of you or one of his roommates yelling about the basketball game.

It’s nice talking to Taehyung, it’s like he’s managed to become your friend in the short amount of time you’ve talked to him. When he listens to you speak, he pays attention and doesn’t interrupt you. And when you interrupt him when he’s speaking, he doesn’t mind because he likes seeing you get so excited. He’s literally the perfect boy.

So perfect that you want to keep talking to him forever, even when your eyelids get heavy and demand sleep. Jennie has already taken a shower and would be heading to bed soon, and any other day you’d be following her footsteps by getting ready to sleep.

“You’re tired,” Taehyung says when you yawn for the third time in a row.

You bring you index finger and thumb together, creating little space between them. “Just a tad bit.”

“Then sleep, don’t you have class in the morning?”

You nod, “I’m probably gonna drop out anyway, but yeah I do.”

"Then sleep,” he repeats so kindly it makes you want to close your eyes right there just to please him. He’s taken his glasses off now (making a show of it when he did so) and you’re able to look into his eyes better.

“I’ll go to bed if you do,” you challenge.

Taehyung isn’t sleepy, but he should be going to bed anyway so he’s not tired for tomorrow’s early shooting. “Yeah, I’m filming tomorrow, I need to go to bed.”

There’s something about Tae saying he has to film tomorrow that makes your heart drop. It’s like, in the short amount of time you’ve known him, you forgot he was the most watched pornstar and mistook him for an everyday boy who had a normal job and a normal life that could sustain a normal relationship. But you should know by now, nothing in your life is normal, and you and Taehyung had the same career in completely different aspects.

“Okay,” you sigh, “goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.” he says before leaving the broadcast. He would’ve stayed on longer if his job wasn’t so demanding.

He waits a minute, and you’re finally done with your livestream. Then he waits, and waits, and waits until…

lucy_fer sent you a direct message.

It’s your phone number, along with a message.

lucy_fer / 1 min ago send nudes pls

Taehyung knows you’re joking, but considers sending a dick pic just to make you squirm. But he doesn’t, instead, he saves your number and sends a text of his own.

imessage today at 11:37 pm

no u

Withing the next few weeks, a friendship blossoms between you and Taehyung. You text everday now, and neither of you could be

You’ve uploaded more videos (to which Tae has jerked himself off to), and Taehyung has kept his title as number one and has starred in more films of his own (in which you was only to support because, again, you don’t watch porn).

It’s when he’s in his trailer with Seokjin getting ready to film another boring horny stepbrother when he get’s a text from you.

imessage today at 12:22 pm

i want to see u

in real life tho

like…i wanna meet u in real life

The last thing he texted you was a Jeongguk being stupid a few hours ago, so your lack of being able to respond quickly in this situation gave away the fact that this was something you had been thinking about a lot. He’s not too sure what to say in this sense. Yes, he’s your friend and wants to meet up with you, but what if something happens and changing the dynamic of your friendship? He cares for you the way a friend should (and probably a little more), and feels like you’re one of the few people who actually understand him. He definitely doesn’t want to lose you like Namjoon has.

He responds:

hmm, what prompted ur sudden interest in wanting to see me?

You’re quick to reply:

rmr a little while ago we talked about filming something together? u can come up here for a weekend, we could hang out and film something

taehyung:

so u only want me for my body?? i see how it is…

you:

oh quit it

so, what do u say? u can stay at my place

He tells you he’s going to think about it, but already knows he’s going to say yes. It’s all he can think about twenty minutes later when he’s fucking some redhead deep into the mattress. The sound of your girlish moans and gasps play so vividly in his mind, if he tries hard enough, he can pretend your sounds are coming from the girl’s mouth and you’rethe one he’s balls deep in.

And if he tries hard enough, he can pretend the little tuffs of the girl’s red hair that form against the pillow are your red devil horns.

And when he does try hard enough, he has to stop himself from cumming right then and there by distracting himself with other thoughts. He can’t think of you, of course – you’re the one who got him into this predicament in the first place.

Taehyung opens his eyes, trying his best to momentarily erase you from his mind. He looks down at the girl beneath him and is met with closed eyes and parted lips; her tongue was only slightly visible and was bit down on to stifle load moans.

The expression on her face is awkward, amateur almost, and Taehyung can’t stand it. He thrusts deeper, earning a high pitched moan from the girl and follows suit with a low groan.

He’s bored. Extremely bored. Then his mind drifts back to you, and he smiles because he’ll be seeing you in a few days. And for once, in a very long time, he’s excited for something. So excited that his boxy smile pays a visit and he has to bury his face in his co-star’s shoulder to cover it up.

Friday comes around rather quickly, and Taehyung finds himself halfway out of the front door with a duffel bag in his hand, saying goodbye to his roommates.

“No people, no parties, no dancing, no loud music, and Yeontan is the only animal allowed in this house. If I get a complaint from the neighbors, I swear–” Taehyung’s infamous exit speech is cut off by Jeongguk clasping a hand on his shoulder.

“Relax, hyung,” he says a little too calmly for Taehyung’s comfort, “nothing bad is gonna happen, don’t worry.”

The sound of tiny nails scraping against the wooden floor has made Tae forget what he was saying, only being able to focus on the beautiful dog running up to him.

He drops the bag, bending down to pet the fur and say goodbye to his faithful companion. “Please remember to take care of Yeontan; he’s very needy.”

“We will, I promise.” Hoseok says and Taehyung stands upright once again.

“It’s not you I’m worried about,” he adjusts the bag on his shoulder, “Gguk is the one that concerns me.”

Jeongguk scoffs, fake offended, “Me?! Why me?!”

“That time you went two days without food and didn’t even realize it.”

“That–I–it was for a gaming tournament! Plus, I drank Red Bull and that gave me all the energy i needed.” he tries to redeem himself, but it doesn’t work.

“Please just take care of my fucking dog,” is the last thing Taehyung says along with ‘goodbye’ before leaving his house.

The drive to your apartment is nearly two hours away, and Taehyung can hardly believe he’s going out of his way to hang out with a friend then have sex with her. It’s ridiculous yet so exciting. So…new.

You’re outside your apartment building when Taehyung arrives, heart beating out of both of your chest. He doesn’t leave the car, since the two of you agreed you’d go out in the city before coming back to your place, but you can already see he’s a lot taller in person. And a lot hotter, if that was possible.

You jog up to his Range Rover, the best looking car in the parking lot, and slide into his passenger seat. Before Taehyung is able to get a word in, you’ve already engulfed him into a tight hug. He’s thrown off his game by your sudden forwardness, but he doesn’t let it phase him. Instead, his arms find comfort around your waist, embarrassing you so tight and completely as if you’d melt away if he let go.

Then, you’re pushing him off of you, as if nothing happened.

“I can’t believe I’m here, with you, in your car. I bet so many of your fans would die to be in this position,” you run your fingers through your hair as a method to calm your nerves.

“And many other positions…” he jokes with a small smirk, handing you his phone so you can put in the address to the place you’re having lunch at.

“Touché,” you reply, and minutes later you’re on your way to a whole-in-the-wall cute, little restaurant. It’s mostly empty, so neither of you are recognized.

Taehyung picks a little table in the far corner by the window; just enough room for the both of you. He pulls out your chair, because he’s polite like that, before setting down your tray of food on the table and sitting down on his own seat.

“It’s raining,” you whisper, chin in the palm of your hand as you stare out the window.

Taehyung had started to place your food in front of you, but stops when he hears you speak. He looks up at you, and the only word he can use to describe you in this exact moment is ‘pretty’. Pretty, pretty, pretty.

He gulps, glancing out the window to see it had indeed began to rain. “Yeah,” is all he can say, because there’s not much you can say when you’re being taunted.

The sky is teasing him, as though it was saying, “ha ha, I can cry and you can’t”, because Tae is so at peace being here with you, he could actually cry. He’s happy for once, and wishes he didn’t have to hide it.

“It’ll be dark by the time the movie’s over,” Taehyung says while handing you your sandwich, “are we going straight to your place afterwards?”

“We can, I mean, it’s Friday and you don’t leave until Monday morning; we have the whole weekend to explore.”

Tae nods out of excitement but doesn’t show it. He’s been looking forward to filming with you and is happy you’re ready to do so as soon as possible. Now, he’ll just have to find a way to stop thinking or talking about it.

“So about the video we’re making today,” he takes a sip out of his lemonade.

“Oh yeah, I was gonna have my manager email yours to sort out some details, then I remembered I don’t have a manager–”

“Wait,” Tae raises a hand to silence you, “you don’t have a manager? Why not?”

Embarrassed, you slump back in your seat and shrug. “I dunno, I felt like I didn’t need one until now, honestly. All of my videos are filmed and edited by me and on the rare occasion I have someone to film with, they’re people I know personally; not big time…pornstars.” you whisper the last part because although the restaurant is mostly empty, you’re still in public.

“I’m literally just a YouTuber that takes her clothes off,” you continue.

“Even YouTuber’s have managers, don’t they?” he points out.

Before you can respond, your phone starts to vibrate on the table. “It’s Jennie,” you say, “do you mind if I…?” you hold your phone up with pleading eyes, claiming the call could be important. Taehyung says it’s fine and takes a bite out of his own sandwich while you accept the call.

“Yeah?…Oh, okay!…Can you tidy up before you go?…I know, but still…Great, have fun…Oh, shut up…Thank you, I love you…Alright bye,” Is all Taehyung hears from your forty-second conversation before setting your phone back down.

“That was my roommate, she just left for the weekend, so me and you have the apartment to ourselves.”

“You have a roommate?” Taehyung asks.

“Yeah, Jennie.”

“Does she know you do porn?”

“Mmhm, she was in my video before. I think I titled it: Pussy Is God.”

“Knowing you, you probably replaced the S’s with dollar signs.”

You smile, “You know me pretty well, don’t you?”

And he does know you pretty well. Just like he knows when the two of you are exiting the restaurant, you make sweater paws with your hands because you’re cold. So he holds your hand and let’s your fingers intertwine the entire walk to his car and tells himself it’s just platonic hand holding.

And when you’re in the theater watching Endgame, he feels your body tremble as you watch Iron Man take his final breath. You don’t cry, but Taehyung let’s the tear he was holding in fall from his eye. He doesn’t think you saw it, but you do, and later on he let’s you assume it’s the movie that made him cry. But really, it was you.

You had brought Kim Taehyung to tears.

Because when he’s with you, he isn’t thinking about his job or stress, or anything. Your presence had captured him and tricked him into thinking he, being the person he is, could handle being in a relationship; a serious one at that.

And that’s exactly what he was afraid of.

“Just admit it, you big baby. We basically went on a date.” You say hours later as you lead Taehyung into your apartment.

“Oh, you think so?” Taehyung asks as you flick on the light switch.

“Well, we had lunch, held hands, saw a movie, and we’re about to have sex so…yeah, I think it’s safe to say we went on a date.”

Upon entering your apartment, Taehyung notes it’s as small as you said it would be, but didn’t expect for there to be so many new, expensive appliances. Seriously, your fridge, flat screen television, and microwave all look so out of place in your crappy apartment. He assumes your porn money as started rolling in, but doesn’t ask.

“You wanna film now?” Taehyung asks, slipping off his shoes when you notices you doing the same.

“Why wait?” You ask with a devilish smirk, “I’m gonna change, but please, make yourself at home.”

You’re in your room getting dressed in your usual skirt, bra, and devil horns (and even a little bit of makeup because…fuck it) while Taehyung takes time to prepare himself with a mini prep talk while he waits.

“I’m ready if you are,” you call from your doorframe. Taehyung’s dick already feels like it’s stirring in his pants, so he tries his best not to look at you when he enters your room and sits on the edge of your bed, directly in front of your only camera.

“Are you ready?” you ask, a finger on the ‘record’ button.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” he replies.

You press record and sit down next to him.

“It’d be so funny if I just put in, like, clips of our first livestream together when you said you would fuck one of my holes,” you laugh, and Taehyung is amazed at how comfortable you became in a matter of seconds. You truly were a natural at this, and it put him at ease.

“Please don’t do that,” he replies, shaking his head.

“Im gonna do it, but, anyway…! I’m here with Kim Taehyung! And I have a gift for him!” You lean over to your bedside drawer to retrieve your gift for him, Tae lets out a desperate sigh when he gets a clear view of your ass.

“Usually, I have my co-star for the evening wear complimentary devil horns, right? But, for you, I went out and got you your own pair. They don’t look much different than mine or any other pair, but these are special…because they’re yours.” you pull the headband from behind your back and gently place it in his hands and watch as he stares at them for a moment.

Although they’re the same style of the ones of the ones usually featured in your videos, they’re different in some way. Newer. Cleaner. His to keep.

He stares at them in silence, making you nervous by the second, and you make a mental note to edit awkward Wii music in at this part. “..so do you like it, or…?”

Instead of responding, he moves his tattooed-hand up to his hair and removes his baby blue headband in a swift motion; replacing it with his new gifts. Out of his duffel bag, he pulls out a light pink supreme headband (similar to his infamous one) and gives it to you, claiming he also brought you a gift.

And for the sake of the porno (and because you like him so much without realization), you take off your devil horns and replace them with the headband he’s given you.

When Taehyung stares at you, he feels like his looking at his heart in human form. He can’t look away and sure as hell doesn’t want to. But, he’s not in love. He’s in lust and in like and all the things that come with having a crush because Jesus Christ he has the biggest, fattest crush on you, Y/N.

“Do I look like you?” you ask.

“Nope, you look way better,” he compliments.

You wave your hand in a motion that says, ‘as if’. He isn’t used to working without a script, but is too shy to ask how you plan on getting things started. And, like you read his mind, you instruct him to lay back on the bed, and he does so.

"What, are you gonna top me?” Taehyung asks with a cocky smile and a raised brow, elbows holding himself up as he watches you crawl over him until your faces are centimeters apart.

“You’d make such a cute, little bottom,” your lips brush against his with every word you speak, and yet, you’re still not kissing. “But no, just relax.” You might as well had been speaking a foreign language Taehyung had no knowledge of because he had no clue what you were saying; too distract by the fact that your lips were literally on his and you weren’t even kissing, though you both so badly want to.

“Kiss me, pussy,” is what you want to say to him, but you don’t. Your lips place delicate kisses down his neck, so soft and subtly and almost nonexistent, not wanting to cover up his tattoos with hickeys.

Your hands make their way down to his jeans until you’re undoing his belt and sliding it off with ease. With his elbows hosting himself up again, Taehyung watches you pull his jeans down all the way to his ankles until they’ve met the same fate as his Gucci belt. When you hook a finger on the waistband of his boxers, he stops you with a question.

“What’re you doing?” he slurs, and regrets asking such a dumb question because he already knows damn well what you’re gonna do.

“Gonna suck you off; is that okay?”

It’s more than okay, honestly. It’s just, Taehyung is a giver. His fans pay to watch him give and give and give until they’re watching his cum drip out of someone’s swollen cunt; he definitely wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of sex and couldn’t even remember the last time he’d gotten a proper blowjob.

He doesn’t respond verbally, only giving a light nod and running his tongue across his top lip.

Getting the answer you were hoping for, you tug off Taehyung’s boxers with a single finger, his cock springing free and laying flat against his abdomen. Precum leaks from his reddening tip and you can’t help but gasp at the euphoric sight. Taehyung smiles in delight when the soft noise leaves your mouth, and suddenly, he’d confident again.

Your hand makes it’s way to grab a hold of Tae’s cock, using the pad of your thumb to smear the seeping precum along his tip. He let’s out a moan of pleasure, already obsessed with the feeling of your small hand wrapped around his ever-hardening member.

Starting off with slow strokes, you lower your head until you’re inches away from his dick. You’re not even doing much, yet Taehyung feels like he could cum right now just by the way you’re looking at him; so dark and lustful and sinful, like the she-devil you truly were.

Without warning, your tongue presses itself alongside Tae’s tip, peppering the sides with small kitten licks. “Shit,” he mutters, eyes tightly shut. If he thought your hands were good, your tongue nearly sent him into overdrive.

The little kitten lick only last for a few seconds longer, and then your mouth is completely around him. He’s big around you, and it’ll take a bit of work if you plan on getting him to the back of your throat.

You pull your mouth away from with a pop, your free hand stroking off parts of him your mouth couldn’t reach quite yet. He’s still propped up on his elbows, watching as you get him off.

Your mouth is wrapped around him once again, and soon enough, his eyes are back to being shut as he takes in the warm feeling of your mouth. Taehyung fights the urge to buck his hips once you’re finally able to allow him deeper in your mouth, his tip hitting the back of your throat as you fight off your gag reflex.

He even fights thee urge once you’ve gotten used to the feeling and began to slowly bob your head. He grabs a fistful of your hair tightly, earning a pleasing groan from you that vibrates around his dick. Pulling only a slight bit harder on your hair gets another reaction out of you, this time causing your left hand to work your way down into your panties.

The sight alone makes Taehyung want to replace your fingers with his own; watching his tattooed-hand disappearing into your underwear until his fingers are circling around your clit, slipping his fingers between your slick folds until they’re completely covered. He’d bring his fingers up to your mouth and whisper “taste yourself, baby, taste how wet you are for me,” then his fingers would be in your mouth, licking your juices clean. And he’d bring his hand back down to your cunt, calling you his good girl while we thrusts his fingers in and out of you.

But that can’t happen, at least not tonight while you were recording and, oh fuck…he was so caught up, Taehyung forgot this whole thing was being filmed.

“Shit, fuck, stop it,” he instructs, knowing he’d release right then and there if you kept this up.

“Something wrong?” you ask, your big doe eyes peering up at him with your mouth glistening with his precum. You looked so innocent yet so sinful and it drove Taehyung so crazy.

He’s taking his shit off, leaving him completely naked and you follow suit. “I shouldn’t be selfish,” he says when you’re leaning over him, hardening nipples brushing against his own chest. “You need to get off too, right?”

You grin with a nod before finally kissing him. It’s not a cute, first kiss you’d imagined it being, but it was something. Sloppy, messy, and horny.

When he tries to lift you up to lay you on your back, you stop him by pulling away from his lips and harshly grabbing his shoulder blade. “I’m going to top.”

Taehyung chuckles because he thinks your joking, and when he realizes you’re being serious, he shakes his head. “Absolutely not,” his dominant side had slowly began to show.

“That’s what you think,” you say, and reach down to grab his cock. He decides there’s no point in fighting you on this since your mind is made up and admits defeat by replacing your hand with his and rubbing his tip against your folds.

Your grip onto his shoulders to steady yourself, eyes closed while you let him tease your entrance. His tip lazily brushes circles on your cunt, and you can’t help but a let out a high-pitched whine when he’s finally inside of you.

His thrusts are slow at first, giving you time to stretch out around him. “Okay,” you sigh, once you’re finally ready for harder, deeper thrusts.

“You wanted to top so badly,” he says, “you do all the work.”

You let out a laugh but deiced it’s fair, so you rock your hips against his, grabbing his thighs to hold onto in the process. You’ve just started, but the feeling of Taehyung finally inside of you after all these weeks already has the both of you moaning, thankful your roommate was out of town.

Your head is thrown back now as you keep the steady pace, hair sticking to the sweat on your back while Tae keeps a firm grip on your waist. His eyes are still closed in fear of releasing right then and there if he opened his eyes to see the sight of you on top of him.

“Taehyung…I–I–” you’re barely able to talk, so close to your climax you can hardly get a word out.

“You wanna come?” he asks, fingers moving down to massage your clit, adding all the more reason for you to orgasm.

“Please,” you whine, although it’s not like Taehyung has told you to ask for permission to come, this is just you in your natural state. And he loves it.

“Then come,” he says, and your orgasm rips through you, the type that has your eyes rolling back and body shaking. Tae can’t help but do the same moments later, the feeling of your cum dripping around him a little too much to handle. The inside of your walls are splattered white, but you don’t mind much; at least you’re on the pill.

The two of you pant as you come down from your highs, both exhausted at this point. And you, being yourself, reach down to give Taehyung a high-five, to which he accepts with a laugh.

“That was fun,” you say, just now rising off of him and trying your best not to groan at the feeling of emptiness.

“Yeah,” he agrees, “you’re good at your job.”

You accept and return the compliment before turning off the camera and excusing yourself in the bathroom.

Alone with his thoughts, Taehyung flops backwards on your bed and recall what has just happened. He’s scared, he feels like you’ve trapped him in your heart, like a caged animal. He knows he shouldn’t have feelings for him, but he can’t help himself; you were absolutely perfect in his eyes.

When you enter the room again and lay down next to him, he thinks about how little he cares about anything other than you. He doesn’t care if his career doesn’t allow it, what his friends will say, or what his fans will say. He only wants you.

“Y/N?” he calls softly, turning his head to look at you.

“Yes?”

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

#bts #bts smut #taehyung #taehyung smut #bts imagine #bts scenario #kpop imagines #kpop scenario #kpop smut #jeongguk #jungkook #jimin #hoseok #namjoon #kim seokjin #yoongi

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trackmag · 5 years ago

Text

Turtle Doves And Pigeon Shit

Romanticism And James Blake`s Can`t Believe The Way We Flow

Romanticism could be argued to be outdated, but once we look beyond the clichés and grasp the ideas behind it, we become aware of its relevance today; In how we live, in what we believe in and argue about.

James Blake released the album Assume Form in 2019. He so far has released 5 Music Videos alongside it, one of which is the video for “Can`t Believe The Way We Flow” directed by none other than Frank Lebon. Frank`s approach to his videos and work so far has been a lush and somewhat wild mixture of techniques and media, leaving him with a massive pot of footage and tools for the hours he spends editing. To some degree even this approach of mixed media is in a sense very true to the fashion, believe and tradition of romanticism. This and many other aspects of the video, is what I hope to discuss and further investigate in the following TRCKMG entry.

Still 01, Can`t Believe The Way We Flow, 2019.

A Short Introduction To Romanticism

Romanticism. I am not referring to roses, boxes of chocolates and the numerous red silk bows we see on valentine`s day. I hereby am referring to an epoch also known as the romantic period. Speaking roughly of romanticism we think of a time between the end of the 18th towards the end of the 19th century. This slice of our history is marked by many very major political and cultural events across Europe and the globe. Some worth mentioning here would be the French revolution (which is often believed to be a starting point of the French romanticist movement) and the industrialization, marked by heavy machinery, steam engines, factories and therefore factory labour. We do, however, believe that the origin of romanticism as a term and way of thinking lies in Germany. Friedrich Schlegel, a German philosopher, author and poet first used the term “romantisch” believed to be in reference to the word “Roman” which is German for novel. Romantic therefore being “novel-like”.

From there on romanticism spread fast across Europe supported by the events described earlier. More than just a fashion moment, romanticism describes a different way of thinking in direct contrast (and perhaps in protest) to the inhumane labour happening in factories caused by the industrial revolution. People needed to believe in something, in more relevant things, in nature, in purity, in emotion and in beauty. So not surprisingly romanticism manoeuvred like a wave, spreading across fine art, literature, poetry and even medicine. What we can see in many paintings of that time, are vast and lush landscapes. Nature at its most triumphant, often alongside a tiny human figurine, humbled by mother nature, reminding the human of his place and scale in this world. This emphasized by the Lyrics in the song: “I`m finding I`m a smaller piece than I thought. Oh no I really am”. Even back then, the immediate threat facing the natural world was carefully depicted in William Wordsworth`s poetry with the arrival of factory buildings and nearby compounds of living quarters for the workers.

Painting by Hans Gude, “Fra Hardanger”, 1847.

With this surface level introduction to romanticism, we now can take a closer look at the actual Music Video for “Can`t Believe The Way We Flow”:

Act One: Red Lit Couples

Still 02, Can`t Believe The Way We Flow, 2019.

The Video starts off with a zoom into a mirror. The reflective image reveals James sitting on a bench. The continuation of the zoom is made with invisible cuts while dark silhouettes pass by, covering James for a mere flash of a blacked out frame. He appears closer and closer after each such black-out. Meanwhile you can hear the pigeons take flight, signalling a start to the song and video - take off. And with the first pigeon shit landing on James` cheek, it`s clear the video with its main plot now begins and the subjects appear.

The 2nd time we hear Can`t Believe The Way We Flow in the Lyrics, the lips of the red lit couples meet. The images flashing by are fragments of their lives in relationships. We aren`t meant to immediately understand who they are, where they`re coming from and maybe more importantly what exactly they`re up to. We only see aspects that should be familiar to anyone who`s ever been in a relationship. For instance, being the most intimate during breakfast where spontaneous conversations can leave you happy as ever or absolutely gutted and devastated, maybe also depending on what occured the night before.

Another place where we find a kind of intimacy where the shared space really gets noticeable to us as lovers, is the bathroom. Apart from the hints of breakfast scattered throughout the video there`s also the toilet. Waste. The toilet which stereotypically always seems to spark arguments. Flush the damn thing, put the seat down, put it up and then down. But it`s also the same space in which we share our toothpaste, standing in front of the mirror before bed. Leading conversations whilst getting ready to go out together. The point being, these images are highly familiar and highly emotional to us. The small window in which Frank lets these images flash across our screens is enough for us to recognize and connect. These are couples in their banalities. We aren`t meant to understand how they got there and where they`re going. We`re supposed to draw from our own experiences, our own relationships when seeing these fragments and glimpses into their lives. It`s a reflection. We still are looking into that same mirror from the first shot of the video, remember?

Still 03, Can`t Believe The Way We Flow, 2019.

Cut between the kisses is a 2D animated kiss, in the same style as the quick drawing we saw flash by on a table earlier. It might be a glimpse into the Storyboard for the video, adding another layer and texture to the visuals. This approach alone can also be read as a nod to romanticism as there was a high exchange between different media and artists. Poets and painters, novelists and sculptor. All echoing and responding to eachother`s work.

Throughout all of this we see James remain seated on that same bench, from the very first frame of the video. An observer. In romanticism, as a response to the capitalist mentality, the flâneur describes a person seen wandering around with nowhere to be or go. Observant, most likely unemployed, playful and sensitive to his surroundings. James is very likely maintaining this role in the video. The careful bystander, observing the beauty around him. Beauty that lies hidden for most others in their hectic lives.

Act Two: Pigeons, Cupid and a Gun

Still 04, Can`t Believe The Way We Flow, 2019.

A culmination of shots of pigeons (and some seagulls) in flight. Close-up of a pigeon`s face, slowly revealed to be sitting on someone`s head. This someone is Frank Lebon`s dad, photographer Mark Lebon. Here he`s also cupid. A cupid who has aged and traded his bow and arrow off for a knotted sniper gun.

Cupid is often described as a winged, nude, young boy armed with bow and arrow. He`s usually depicted as somewhat cruel and mischievous, very aware of what emotional turmoil he can cause in people. Cupid as a figure derives from roman mythology and is considered to be the god of love, or rather the god of being in love. The roman cupid is also understood to be somewhat based on the Greek god Eros, who some believe was a son to the goddess Venus. Eros and Cupid can`t be defeated, any- and everyone falls victim to them and their power. In the following painting, artist Julius Kronberg captured Cupid in his full demeanour in 1885, so towards the end of classic romanticism:

Painting by Julius Kronberg, Cupid, 1885.

Now in comparison to Frank`s take on Cupid we immediately notice the age difference. The world in many ways has become what romanticists had feared; Industrial, concrete, consumerist. Perhaps Cupid had to adjust to survive? Lose his wings and grow up. Wrapped in what seems to be a pvc jacket, not unlike the medical protective suits we currently see a lot. His outfit also contains sketches and scribbles of genitalia. Colours white and red, famously used in the medical field, also symbolizing purity, lust, sin and romance. He`s also wearing red earrings and cufflinks decorated with a more traditional depiction of cupid.

The gun on the other hand, knotted, could also be a nod to the Non-Violance sculpture by Carl Fredrik Reuterswärd, which is in New York. Perhaps a rather twisted musical reference, as that sculpture was made in remembrance of John Lennon. The seemingly unusable gun however, does hold a heart shaped scope through which the absent minded and complacent looking Cupid is aiming to find his next victims.

Enrolling the pigeons to take over the flying and firing arrows part, they soon after take flight once again and a montage of numerous pigeon shit landings are shown, including another drawn Animation of the pigeons` droppings turning into a falling human figurine. Perhaps falling, as in falling in Love, falling for you. Cupid bringing or rather dropping this person into your life. This sequence is concluded by acts of violence followed by tenderness. A slap, a hit, like when love “hits” you. Shortly followed by a gentle caress of the cheek, as though nothing ever happened. So in love that you`re not aware of the violence and force it potentially holds. Another short Animation, single flower turns into a tree, which transforms into a couple in love, a heart in the middle.

Act Three:

Cut to seagulls instead of doves above James. Perhaps accentuating him to be different from all others around him, once again emphasizing his role as flâneur? Or maybe it`s just a subtle teaser for his following music video for I`ll Come Too, which was the next release, featuring a penguin and an albatross.

The couples, still lit in red are holding hands, and then facing the camera. Every individual on their own, staring into the lens, or at their partner. Keeping the mirror in mind from the beginning, this is another very common way for cinema, film and video to become reflexive (film with self-awareness) challenging the viewer in their passiveness and voyeurism.

Still 05, Can`t Believe The Way We Flow, 2019.

The doves once again present by appearing as illustrations on the cushions of one couple. All the people involved appear in lettering over the faces of the couples, including a cameo by the director. Another beautifully added layer to this multimedia approach that lends it`s charm and texture to the entire complex romantic experience.

There`s so much more to see and discover in the video than what I have tried to contain in this analysis. I do hope you`ll go on a search yourselves. The video for James Blake`s song Cant Believe The Way We Flow is linked below:

youtube

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ellie-hallorann · 4 years ago

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The Best Horror Movies Ever #1: The Shining

When it was first released, Stanley Kubrick’s film adaptation of the iconic Stephen King novel was met with mixed reviews. Now, despite the perfectly valid criticisms surrounding actors performances, pacing and cinematic techniques, this film will forever be a staple of horror, and indeed, all of movie history. Here’s why Stanley Kubrick’s, The Shining is one of the best horror movies of all time.

1) Set Design. Not only are they large scale, but they reflect the mystery of The Overlook Hotel. Take the opening scene: as Jack walks through the lobby, in the background of shot we can clearly view a hallway opening with people coming and going. Yet Mr Ullman’s office has a large, glass window with sunlight coming in through what should be solid wall. Also, each section of the hotel has its own distinctive look.

- Room 237: pale greens and purples providing a more dream-like quality to the dwelling of the ghastly lady in the tub.

- The common area: washed-out and aged colours with a more ‘western’/cowboys and Indians theme, enabling the audience to interpret Kubrick’s possible real world metaphors, while also better focus on the actors more bold clothing fabrics.

- The kitchen: silver and sheer surfaces, giving scenes that take place there a cold and clinical feeling, with increased fear of armed violence.

By creating different looks for different areas of The Overlook, Kubrick intentionally alienates the audience. We can better empathise with Wendy’s disorientation, if we are also lost in a universe which is rarely, visually consistent.

2) Practical Effects. Within The Shining, there’s a scarce amount of visual effects that weren’t created by makeup or manually. Even the overhead shot of the maze was done using a partially practical set, and zooming out over the surrounding landscape which was later edited. Elevators releasing a tidal-wave of fake blood, smashing a door in with an axe- these things are made far more terrifying when they don’t depend on CGI to manifest on screen. Heck, there’s several big budget film companies who’d probably have 8 year old Danny Torrance zooming around on a minimal green-screen set instead of just building what they needed, and could definitely afford.

3) Acting Performances. Before anyone says it, YES, there’s a few people in this movie guilty of over-acting. And yes, I am biased. Jack Nicholson can do no wrong in my eyes. However, as a performer, I can understand why Kubrick hired these actors, and encouraged...exaggerated responses.

- Shelley Duvall. It’s no secret that Shelley had a horrific time on set, and it’s clearly present in the behind the scenes footage on the DVD. But I’m here to talk about her performance itself. I personally think she did a great job, despite the fact it’s so different to how Wendy Torrance appears in Kings’ text. This film is made great by it’s absurd, artificial portrayal of family, and cabin fever. When Wendy goes hysterical, I can believe it. Partially because from the start, she wasn’t exactly composed. Duvall, while exaggerated, fills the role of scream queen pretty effectively. Her hysteria contrasts everyone else’s acceptance of, or relatively calm approach to what we’re seeing. She’s like adding wasabi to sushi. Surprising, but it stands out.

- Jack Nicholson. Aside from the fact he’s one of the greatest actors of all time, don’t @ me, Nicholson taps into the meat of Jack Torrance’s psychological breakdown. Especially in a film, especially a Kubrick film, we can’t always have the same gradual, subtle decline we can in a book. Stephen King wasn’t a fan of this on-screen portrayal either, but again, it WORKS within this adaptation. Take the car scene where the trio is driving to The Overlook. Jack’s demeanour is intentionally uptight, silently agitated without real reason. “It’s okay, he saw it on the television.” is one example of how Jack is already prone to illogical annoyance. In a 146 minute film, it’s more believable that The Overlook would infiltrate the mind of a person who is already vulnerable to being a vessel of violence.

4) Cinematography. Kubrick’s style is very distinctive within the film industry, and if I asked you to think of an example of his works, you’d probably say The Shining first. Namely, the constant tone he creates. The suspenseful build is somehow very laid back; not depending on jump-scares or sudden audio strikes to make you tense. Kubrick keeps his audience on the edge of their seats by forcing you to pay attention. His work is like watching a security camera, or a found footage film. You have to watch the foreground, and are rewarded for observing the background. Every frame is crafted, rather than just done for the sake of it. Modern cinema, particularly within horror, just wants to throw everything in the audiences face. Like showing a baby a shiny set of keys. Kubrick doesn’t do that. He trusts the audience will want to pay attention to his work, and the story, and rewards us for our diligence.

To conclude, The Shining is a very unique film within the horror genre, and can be picked apart for its subtext, it’s creative license etc. It’s also a source of ethical controversy, with actors and crew having a whole spectrum of experiences working on the project (though that’s a topic for another day). Whether you personally like the film or not, you can’t deny, as a standalone piece, it’s incredibly beautiful for its manipulation of reality and framing of events. It’s responsible for inspiring many modern film makers and creative minds. For all these reasons, Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining, is one of the best horror films ever made.

#the shining #stephen king #stanley kubrick #jack nicholson #shelley duvall #horror #movies #horror cinema #thriller #film #filmmaking #critical #cinema #acting

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valiantchopshopharmony · 4 years ago

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Starting a Photography Business Will Be Easier With These 30 Free Tips

When you are a keen photographer and you've got the urge to devote your working life doing something you like such as photography, then it will be a pity if you did not pursue it further would not it? You truly don't need to combine an institution or cover thousands of bucks to begin either. You merely want the fire to understand and persist.

It is correct that there's riches to be made from photography and I am not planning to down play that make a pitch to the contrary since in each instance, it's been around the person. Meaning - it depends on what style of photography they select, how long they put in the company, Photography Course in south Delhi do they have a business bent, are somewhat more arty than normal etc.. These points come to play when achievement in a photography company or studio is contested.

I really don't need to make some false hopes by that last paragraph since victory will need some hard work, patience and tolerance. These subsequent thirty tips should help you on the way.

Where do I obtain information about constructing a photography company?

1. Apart from that, the world wide web is the largest source of advice and can supply you with various career opportunities or more info on starting a photography company.

At which level would you like to begin your photography company?

2. This is actually the trickiest question a individual considering starting a company experiences. It's essential to determine what sort of photography company you would like to ensure the applicable requirements and (occasionally ) finance could be muscled up. short term photography courses in south east delhi

When is the ideal time to initiate a fully-fledged photography company?

3. After deciding what you want and some additional necessary equipment that's required to prepare the basic infrastructure, then you'll have to think about carefully your primary instrument - the camera, be it film or digital. You also have to consider carefully a trusted, high quality PC and great relevant software to control your photos using special effects. If the company has been undertaken on a huge scale then perhaps a growing lab has to be established and planned.

O what type of places will yield actual income to your enterprise?

4. A newly established company in photography demands a confident place or a beat (working anyplace ), as in journalism. Once recognized, company may also be diversified into a lot more fields.

O Assembling a photography portfolio

5. It's always very important to compile a fantastic portfolio so far as photography is concerned. A portfolio must have an assortment of applicable photographic work which you think to be remarkable. Ensure photographs are unusual in nature and are from varied fields. Your portfolio has to have the ability to impress the customer from the very first assembly.

6. Just keep your very best work from the folder so you don't embarrass yourself or wind up needing to describe photographs that are not applicable.

7. Publish spontaneous photographs that you think are of fantastic quality. You would be amazed how many men and women respond favorably to individuals expressions when they're great shots.

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8. A canvas backdrop of minimum 7-9 foot along with the background colours should be navy or white as minimal requirements to begin using; a well-branded studio lighting system like that of Norman & Speedtron; accredited picture manipulation applications like Photoshop, Corel Paint Shop, etc..

Is there a demand for establishing a cosmetics studio as a portion of your photograph studio?

9. Makeup and photography frequently go together. Wherever cosmetics is involved it can be known as trick photography since cosmetics is capable of entirely changing somebody's character, and at times significance to some product in the event of advertising photography.

What type of photo-editing applications available on the industry?

10. Photo-editing applications by which particular effects and total adjustments to a photograph are possible and may also frequently save the demand for a shoot.

11.

Is storage and therapy of photos crucial in building photographs company?

12. Never embrace laxity whilst archiving or handling photos. You may regret it afterwards. Storage and accessibility efficiency will improve or enhance your working atmosphere. Often elderly photographs become more precious with time.

How can be photos be stored readily aside from the traditional method?

13. Today's cameras are exceptionally versatile and enables transfers and downloads from exceptionally surprising devices such as your cellphone but images may also be saved onto a CD's, USB's and DVD's too.

O picking a Camera

14. Stick to w ell recognized manufacturer. The degree of mega pixel provided and high quality of this zooming facility has to be looked into carefully.

15. The majority of the cameras are compatible with all printers and computers and because we use memory sticks, so we're free to work invisibly.

O what type of a site does one person must get?

16. Your assortment of photos have to be correctly categorized under different categories. Visual look of your site will work amazing things for your company so consider establishing one with semi automatic automation in which the upkeep and challenging work is done for you enjoy photostockplus.

17. Don't forget to continuously update and maintain your site so that every time people encounter your site, they will discover nice something fresh and intriguing.

18. Copyright is the right protects the individual who owns who shot the photos. A smart exercise if you're seeking to utilize some inventory homes for business purposes.

O What's a company card useful?

19. In each company, visiting cards are all useful. It's very helpful in for folks to get in touch with you after your initial meeting. It has to include all of your contact details. If you are a photographer, a smart impressive graphic or an image of yourself along with your gear is greatest. Your telephone number or email has to be simple to read. I've seen cards which have big names and graphics and the telephone numbers are so small they're hard to read. Ridiculous! Make your telephone number the most significant thing about the card that's what most folks will use it to get.

O Which things have to be considered as you intend to construct a wedding photography company?

20. Wedding Photography is another artwork unto itself. There are various things to consider for a really prosperous wedding shoot. I've prepared another guide to manage this in more detail and it is about --Wedding Photography. --

O Benefit of mission photography

21. Assignment photography is that division of photography in which a individual has been engaged or consigned to catch pictures of something striking and extraordinary, including in the case of advertisements or portrait photography; this can supply you a steady income once you have learned the principles.

O Benefit of stock photography

22. This is sometimes a slow haul but when your photos are nicely thought out, it may be the origin of a continuing income. --My favourite is istockphotos--.

O Other areas where you are able to sell your photographic series?

23. Art displays are the ideal platform from wherever your imagination and work will probably be really appreciated because in these areas you will get some niche clients which have a sharp eye for actual talent. Such areas are proven to attract immediate fame.

24.

O Costs to be billed from the customers

25. At the first phases of your organization, do not attempt to charge exorbitant sums otherwise it'll give the incorrect impression and you'll possibly lose a precious long-term customer. Tread slowly. Ring other research and photographers. Five telephone calls must perform it.

Advertising Your photography company

26. You have to attempt to advertise your work at important areas. Pictures may also be printed on the net. Book over the net will boost customer enquiry. Do not forget to hunt for appropriate regional markets and find the snaps published in a local journal or paper and constantly exhibit your contact number carefully - consistently!

27. Placing and popularizing a company is a difficult call but should you embrace a correct marketing plan. Nowadays, Advertising is just one of the most well-known mediums of marketing. Advertising can be placed on sites, online phone directories, magazines and papers, etc.. Find out more about the ideal mediums until you rush into. Occasionally fantastic prices get in the method of recognizing the ideal advertising car.

28. You are able to create a site of your own to efficiently market your photography company but something that has to be considered is never neglect to add a testimonial segment and assess the reaction of the folks going to the site. Enable them to make remarks.

29. People interested in putting together a photography company can start their career by turning into a photo journalist. Appealing and unconventional photos can be provided to papers, magazines, sites and also the photography business is flourishing to this extent that international media organizations will provide you with great money in exchange for infrequent and high quality photos.

30. There are several more jobs also linked to photography than that there was formerly and as a result of the diversity and versatility of digital photography, even more respect was connected to the profession.

Proceed and make yourself a hot drink and a have a long think about where you are likely to begin, in other words, in case you have not already begun.

This guide has been provided courtesy of Roy Barker. Roy has provided further detail about the aforementioned subject matter at starting a photography company and is devoted to training you on how to begin your own photography business. You might even acquire photography tips, help (mainly free) or just a Digital Photography.

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