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lorsdelapluie · 5 months ago

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The doctor's diary.

Pairing: sylus x female reader

Genre: Dark shit going on. Including smut. Please read the content warning.

Word count: 4000+ words.

Content warning: mdni, explicit sexual content (but its chill for now), spoiler warning, mention of human experimentation, cult activities, my own twisted thoughts and theories are literally making this way darker than LADS already is. An oc of mine will appear more often in the next chapters, hate him guys, he is not a good guy. English is not my first language sorry for any mistakes.

Note: This chapter ended up longer than I expected somehow. And it is the first one of a three chapter fanfiction. I tend to write nasty stuff, sex wise but also everything else wise so please be prepared for anything literally. The character Castiel that you will meet in this chapter is my own oc that I made up specially for the LADS universe. I hope you will enjoy to hate him.

Chapter 1:

“You want me to go in the N109 zone ? I thought we weren’t allowed to go th-”

“We are aware you have been going back and forth between Linkon city and the N109 Zone.”

You pinched your lips at the words coming from Jenna’s mouth, your hand resting on your hunter’s watch. The times you forgot to turn off your watch comes back to light one by one in your mind. Brushing it off everytime you thought that the HQ wouldn't have the time to check on your status. Her arms were still crossed over her chest as she looked at you straight in the face with her dark gray eyes. You felt like a kid underneath this disappointed glare. You opened your lips to say something, to defend yourself but she raised her hand to stop you from doing so.

“However, you have mainly been doing this outside your working hours. So it is your private life, and you may keep it a secret if you wish. But since you have been going there multiple times, we figured you might be aware of what is going on there better than we do.” She sighed. You guessed that she wasn't the one behind this idea. Maybe some higher ups that you never had the opportunity to meet.

“So this is why we thought you might be the best suited agent for this mission.”

“Oh uhm… Thank you for entrusting me.”

“Despite this little disagreement, I am aware that you are one of our best agents. However if you think you might need help, you can still ask Xavier to accompany you. Although he has been quite busy lately.”

“No no no ! Do not bother Xavier for this. I am more than capable of handling missions on my own. As for the mission… Can I ask you what is it that I am meant to do ?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t let you go into the Lions’ den without information.” She said as she slid her hand on her desk, taking a handful of documents stored inside a pocket and handing them to you. “We need you to participate in an auction for charity.”

“For charity…” you mumbled. You never thought you would see the day of a charity auction being held in the a zone so… uncharitable. You start looking through the papers in your hand, brows furrowed in confusion.

“We are as surprised as you look. As nice as the thoughts around this event are, we are particularly interested in one of the prizes that we wish you would purchase for us.”

Your eyes land on the auction picture of a diary, its cover is made of leather and the pages look old, teared up for some of them. “A diary ?”

“This diary seemingly belonged to one of the most wanted people of our organization. A doctor who previously worked here, in Linkon city, and got too deep in his interest for protocores and their links with people’s evol.”

“He experimented on humans…” you mumbled as you read the notes next to the picture that the intel team had written for you. "On children..."

“He indeed did. And we would like to prevent this diary from falling into the wrong hands. This is where your part comes in. Buying this diary away from that zone.”

You nodded as you guessed the objective of your mission long before she started explaining the reason why they would go fetch that book in the first place. Plus, that diary might bring you answers you are seeking about yourself. And as you remember your partner's jewel like gaze, about Sylus too. You then raised yours towards Jenna, closing the file between your hands and straightening your back.

“If you will allow me. I’m going to do the best I can to fulfill this mission.”

“I know you will. The auction is in three days. I hope it gives you enough time to gather any belongings and travel to a safe place in the N109 zone… If such a place exists.”

“Do not worry about me. I will be safe.”

You smile as Jenna raises her hand slowly with a peaceful expression as she dismisses you from her office. You exit the room, slowly closing the door behind you before walking to your desk, gathering your laptop and phone on the furniture. You then put the file inside your bag as you were already leaving the building. You would take the time to analyze everything once you were safely in the N109 Zone.

Phone in hand you immediately texted Xavier to let him know that you were leaving for a mission in the outskirts of your beloved city. As your thumbs were patting the screen of your phone, it suddenly started to vibrate. Soon enough the icon of Sylus appeared on your phone, a silly picture of him you took when he dozed off while watching a musical a few weeks prior. You frowned at the VERY convenient timing that he always had and picked up, raising your phone to your ear.

“Yes ?”

“The twins are going to pick you up at 5 this afternoon. Will you have enough time to be prepared before then?”

“Don’t tell me you hacked Jenna’s computer again. How many times do I have to tell you to not do that?” You frowned, faking or maybe wanting to be angry about that breach of your private life once again.

“There is no need to get angry at me. Be angry at the twins all you want though. They are the ones who insisted on checking up on you while I was away.”

“How do they even know how to hack-” you stopped in your tracks as you heard your voice the sound of a bike motor in the background of the call. “Are you calling me while driving ?”

“Now this is a reason you can get mad at me for.” he chuckles as you let out a frustrated sound. “Do not worry, sweetie, I have my helmet on. Just checking on you through earbuds.”

“Unsafe still. Your attention should be fully on the road.” you finally started walking towards the road that leads to your apartment, going through the usual route that takes you near along a river. “I thought you said you would be the one picking me up after Luke nearly got us in a car crash last time.”

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, sweetie. But I do have some work meetings that need to be attended to." After a moment of quiet, he continued. “I trust Kieran will be the one driving you three back at home. I will be back before dinner.”

“Fine. Be careful on your way to your meet up… I will see you later.” you could hear a chuckle, and the picture of Sylus’ grin appeared in your mind. Before he could answer, you hung up.

You sighed as you crossed the street, pushing the door of your building entrance after entering the password on the door’s pad. Slowly you slid the phone inside your bag, totally forgetting about warning your colleague, and your friends, of the mission that will probably won’t let you have time for chit chat. Once you are inside your place, you quickly pull out a bag from the closet in the entrance, walking towards your bedroom to pack your essentials for the next few days.

An hour flew by without you realizing it before your phone rang. Luke. As you picked up you hear his cheerful voice coming from outside your building, you walked towards your opened window staring down.

“Miss ! Your carriage is waiting for you !” the masked man yells waving at you from below, catching glances from other people passing by.

“Get inside the car ! Can’t you see people are staring at you Luke ?” you frowned shooing him away with your hand.

“Heeeh. I’m hurt ! Are you embarrassed by me perhaps ?” You wondered if Sylus teasing was coming from spending too much time with them or the other way round.

You frowned not wanting to let your mind wander at that thought, hanging up and closing the window before picking your bag on your bed and leaving your apartment. Once downstairs you were greeted with no one but the black car with tinted windows that was just in front of the house, without giving it much thoughts you walked to the back of the car and climbed inside.

After exchanging proper greetings with the twins, and a short trip from Linkon city to the twins’ boss base.

It was night time now and you were settled down in one of Sylus couch in his apartments. You were going through the file once more, eyeing the clock in front of you from time to time. The meal was soon to be put down in the living room and you were definitely imagining eating alone at this rate. You sighed as you let your head roll on one of the sides of the couch, closing your eyes as you let yourself drift to the sound of the gramophone playing the music you put on earlier.

“Are you asleep ?” a whisper came above the sound of the music as a finger brushed against your cheek.

Your eyes opened and you looked up to the figure towering over you. Sylus gazed at you as he was leaning with one hand on the couch watching you slowly wake up from your nap. You slowly straight up, your files sliding from your chest and before you could react, Sylus caught it and put it down on the table next to you.

“Mmm no.”

“Sure you weren’t.” he smiled as he sat on the carpet next to the couch. “Don’t move.”

“But the dinner…” you mumbled still drowsy.

“Dinner is cold by now. I was late and you fell asleep. We are in no hurry anymore.” he says as he takes off his jacket, putting it down on the chair behind him, soon followed by his gloves. You sighed knowing that the man next you wouldn't budge.

“How did your meeting go ?” you asked as you traced every of his movements with your gaze.

“Productive. But a waste of time at the same time. We wasted 2 hours waiting for someone who never came. I honestly thought I was going to come back really early.”

“Would have been better…” you muttered.

Sylus' head turned to look at you with that same grin of his when he catches you being off guard. “Missing me I see.”

“Whatever.”

“I missed you too, sweetie.” he muttered as his face was now a few inches away from your face. And as always Sylus was the one to close that distance, his teeth started nibbling gently on your lower lip as he kissed you. His right hand comes to brush a strand of hair away from your face. "I missed you a lot."

There was always this conflict inside of you when you felt the lips of Sylus on yours. A shyness that you wished you didn’t have, pushing you to turn your face away. However the drumming of your heart everytime his lips were on yours made you feel safe. Safe and cared for. The man suddenly started pushing his tongue against your lips, deepening the kiss drawing a sound from you in a sigh.

“Knowing that you were waiting for me here. Probably lying down on that bed or on that couch…” he muttered as he kissed your lips once again then your cheek and the back of your ear. “I wished I could have just left to join you here quicker.”

“You are… so dirty Sylus.” you whispered as you felt his hand slide on your shirt to start unbuttoning it. When Sylus admitted his excitement for you it always made you shiver. Not that it was rare for him to be so blunt. But being wanted and knowing that he was thinking of you that way, in places where he shouldn’t. God, he was the devil in person and he loved playing with his favorite person.

“If you want to blame me for the tension rising in this room. Feel free to do so…” he said, lips leaving a trailing of kisses from your neck towards your chest. “I would enjoy that.”

Soon his lips were not the only thing on your skin, his tongue traveled against you with wet kisses. Teeth sometimes nibble on you, trying to mark you as his. However he knew better than to do that or he would have been met with a warning look. Instead his hand slides away the remaining of your top clothes, revealing your skin to his red eyes ravishing each corner of your body, everytime.

“Your skin is covered in goosebumps. Are you getting worked up sweetie ?” he says smiling, his lips resting against your chest. A thumb sliding against one of your nipples. “I bet that if I slide my hand in your pants, I might find it dripping with excitement.”

“You are too sure of yourself.” you said trying to keep your voice steady as his lips brushed against your other nipple.

A low chuckle vibrates through his body at your answer. “Always so feisty, kitten.” he murmured, pinching with two of his fingers the nipple he had in his hand.

“Then… Shall we take a look ?”

As soon as the words left his mouth, you closed your legs, preventing his hand from sliding under your pants and between your thighs. His hand stopped mid-way, resting against your lower body. He slowly quirked up his face, arching a brow with a smile.

“Getting shy ?” he asks, fingers fondling with the zipper of your pants. He soon pulled it down. “You know I don’t particularly enjoy you playing shy. I’d rather have my feisty kitten biting and fighting me than hiding away.”

Asshole you thought.

“Should I take out the ropes like last time ? Pull your legs apart ? I thought you learnt how to behave.” he said with a smile. “Or did you enjoy this so much that you want to try again ?”

Losing control from time to time was nice. But not tonight, you needed the contrary. You need to feel in control of your body. The next few days were gonna be stressful. One of your hands dared to come rest on his cheek as your legs opened against his hand.

“Good girl..” he said, his lips coming to nuzzle against your hand. And as usual when a kiss comes first teeth soon follow. His fingers able to slide under your pants and underwear come to slide in between your folds feeling the wetness of yourself under his burning gaze.

“Just as I thought.” he smiles as one of his fingers pushes inside you and you answer with a moan. His lips nibbling on the flesh of your palm, eyelashes brushing against your fingers as he starts going back and forth with his fingers inside of you.

Your head resting against the pillow of the couch, eyes closing as another moan came from between your lips as he pushed another finger inside of you. The fingers of your hand slowly extended to grasp onto strands of the man’s hair, while the other came gripping on the back of the couch.

“That’s it. Let yourself go, kitten.” A growl soon followed when you tug at his hair when his thumb rested against your clit making small circles as he never stopped pumping his fingers in and out of you.

You arched your back, the stimulation of his fingers rubbing against that one G spot inside of you and his thumb massaging your clit made you see stars. You tug on his hair once again in another sound, coming under his watchful gaze.

“Sylus…”

“It’s okay. I’m here. I’m always here.” he answered, coming to put a kiss on your forehead.

Once he pulls his fingers out of you, he slides a hand under you to carry you against him. You look up at him, arms sliding around his neck to secure yourself.

“And you ?”

“Oh ? Are you asking for more, sweetie ?”” he chuckles as you frown at him. His lips slowly come against your own to kiss you once more. “This is what I wanted. Nothing more for tonight. But I can not promise you anything just like this for tomorrow.” A devilish smile spreads on his lips.

“Did you have a shower already ?”

“I did… Earlier.” you answered as you rested your head against his shoulder. “What about food ?”

“You are hungry aren’t you.” He said as he settled you down on the bed. “Tell you what. I will come bring you some food and you can enjoy some while I take a shower. Sounds good ?”

“Sounds good. I will try to not eat everything.” You smile.

And just like that three days passed. Now you were standing in front of the door, arms crossed on your chest and Sylus blocking your way with his hands on his hips.

“I will not change my mind Sylus. I need to attend this auction alone.”

“What if I’d like to be charitable tonight?”

You scoff. “Please. You just want to keep your eyes on me.”

“I want to make sure you are safe and sound.”

“And I told you I can defend myself. If the HQ knows that I am attending an official mission with the boss of Onychinus, I could get in trouble. Because they will keep an eye on me ! Just like you do.”

Sylus sighs. You could be so stubborn. He slowly raised his hand to pinch his nose’s bridge. “Take Mephisto with you at least. He could help you in any case of an emergency.”

“That noisy little…” you were met by a glare that was telling you to not push your luck so you resigned. “Okay.”

“Good.” As soon as you agreed to his terms, he snapped his fingers and Mephisto almost appeared on your shoulder. Resting his claws against the fabric of your dress. “I will drive you there. And I will be there again to pick you up soon after Mephisto lets me know the auction has ended. Understood ?”

“Yes mom.”

He chuckles before pushing the door open, letting you leave the safe base first to get to the car parked in front of the entrance. He soon followed and got inside the car to start driving across the dark streets of the N109 Zone. Mephisto was awfully quiet, head turning around at each corner, as if the bird was already on a mission analyzing what was around him. You stared mindlessly at the street lamps barely shining some cold light on the pavement beneath them as you fondle with your bag between your fingers.

You were stressed. Stressed to not be able to bring back that diary. What if you came back in Linkon city with nothing to offer but the news that another potential monster had this fucking diary between their hands. How many children would have to suffer from experiments and be kept in the dark before they all stopped ? Without realizing it, you started clenching on your accessory. And the hand of Sylus left the gearbox to come rest on your thigh in an attempt to soothe you.

“Do not be anxious. People coming to those kinds of fake charity auctions hunt down people like you. Nice face, seemingly weak and rich.” he said. “Mephisto is a sign that you are under my watch but he can’t dissuade them from doing anything if they are crazy enough to try.”

“So I need to appear confident…”

“Exactly. I know you can do it. After all, you showed me your acting skills more than once.” he pressed his thumb against your thigh as he kept looking at the road in front of you. “I’m not here physically but Mephisto is my eyes. And I’ll keep an eye on you.”

“I know.” you sighed before taking another deep breath. It will be okay, you thought, Sylus is right. You had to have faith in yourself and in him. It will go by so quickly, you won’t even realize it.

The car slows down and you are now parked in front of an immense building, maybe even taller than some of Sylus’s ones. You look up from your seat as Mephisto mimics you. “Where are we ?”

“The place of the auction. The HQ of the Eurydike cult. Weird bunch of fuckers.”

You hummed before pushing the door open, before closing it you looked at your partner flashing him a smile. “I will be back.” He softly smiles back waving, asking you to be careful once more. And you closed the door, walking towards the entrance of the building, taking out the invitation out of your bag to show the bodyguards that you were allowed to enter the place.

As soon as you stepped foot inside, you were faced with a display of wealthiness and laughter coming from every corner of the giant hall. You were taken aback, thinking for a second that the only man you thought was this wealthy in the N109 Zone was Sylus. The hall was made of black marble with golden cracks, contrasted by high white walls that reflected the light of the candlesticks. Hanging banners here and there with an unknown insignia, and false plants hanging in green. You looked around, looking for a sign indicating the location of the meeting. But unfortunately the place was badly indicated, this auction was probably a place of regulars. However you spotted some people whispering about getting their place already to get closer to the stage, and you figured it would be the best idea to follow them around. Which you did. Everyone here was accompanied, and you were alone. Well accompanied but by a bird that started to get agitated. The sound of your heels against the marble under your steps was ringing in your mind. You stopped near a waiter, grabbing a glass of champagne. You needed to relax, you needed to look like you belonged here. Alcohol might help you settle down.

So you went to sit at the first row, crossing your legs as Mephisto left your shoulder to take place on the chandelier hanging above your head. You could see some of the objects being displayed on the stage in front of you. Vases, stuffed animals, jewelry and… Wait. Was that one of Raphayel’s painting ? You frowned while taking your phone out of your purse to take a picture. Before you could press the button, you felt a tap on your shoulder.

You flinched, turning around. “Miss. Sorry to bother you but you are not allowed to take pictures in this room.” A man with green eyes gazed upon you. He was tall, his hair and lashes almost hiding the gaze that you could feel burning on your face. His face did not seem upset, nor angry. Good… The last thing you needed was to attract angry people.

You smiled. “Sorry, I just wanted to make sure that painting would interest my husband before I start bidding on it.”

“Oh ?” He looked up at the stage staring at the painting of the seashore painted with different shades of blue and orange, with the silhouette of a faceless woman dipping her feet in the water. “Hm. It is indeed a wonderful painting. From a very famous painter from Linkon City. Although it is one of his earliest works.”

“Are you familiar with this painter ?” you asked, interested in the knowledge of the person in front of you. To faint uninterest you slowly raise your glass to your lips looking away from the man.

“Familiar would not be right. We are acquaintances.” He then looks down at you smiling as he circles around the chair to finally sit next to you. “Although we haven’t seen each other for many years.”

“I see.” you nodded looking at that man dressed in white, your eyes landing on the cross shaped brooch on his tie. You swore you have seen this insignia somewhere. “And you are ?”

“Shh little miss. It’s starting soon. We will have all the leisure to chit chat after that auction is done.”

The auction began, and you drank the rest of your drink before waving to a waiter to come and get rid of you. Under your seat as under that of all the other participants was a small booklet with the passage numbers of each work or object. The one you were looking for was in last place. A sigh escaped from your lips as the first sums of money were thrown out of control.

Beside you, still stood this same man, his left leg crossed above the right and his hands clasped on his knees, looking at the scene with a satisfied smile. With the light down, you took the time to linger on her face. He had it very hard, like a man who had to face situations that those of Linkon city did not have to face. But this sweet smile on his lips came in contrast with the portrait that could be made of him. You wondered if Sylus knew the man. You slowly raised your head to look towards Mephisto who was looking straight at you under his watchful red eyes. Just like his master.

An hour and half passed, and you were starting to get numb to all the money that was being spent. The man next to you also did spend some money. He bought the painting you were eyeing earlier. And then came the mention of the diary.

As soon as you could, you raised your hand to bid. With a glimpse of mischievousness, the man next to you raised his hand. Followed by some other people in the room. After nearly a minute of bidding, you raised your hand again.

“Please stop playing sir. My husband is rather interested in this diary.” you muttered to the man next to you. “Stick to your paintings.”

A suppressed laugh came as an answer as your bid was registered as a final answer. The hand of the man next to you extended towards you as the lights turned on. “It’s a pleasure to be doing business with you, little miss.”

You frowned looking at the man’s gaze. “Business ?”

“I am the owner of this building and the organizer of this auction. My name is Castiel, pleasure meeting you.”

You gasped as you came to shake his hand. Dear god, why did you have to talk like that to the man who setted up a charity auction. This is why his brooch reminded you of something, it was literally plastered in the hall.

“I am very sorry for my-”

“No offense is taken. Should we talk privately ? I will give you this diary your husband so wishes to have.” he lets go of your hand, getting up before offering his arm.

“Yes.” you nod as you get up too, sliding your hand on the man’s arm. You were so giddy with the idea of success that you nearly didn’t realize Mephisto was cawing.

However if you didn’t notice, it was not the case of Castiel that turned his head up towards the bird with a frown. He then asked the security to take care of it, and before you could step in and prevent this from happening, you were dragged into the man’s office.

Once in his office, he let go of your hand. He headed towards the back of his desk, unlocking what sounded like a chest. In the meantime, you take the time to look around. The place was dark, but golden and green touches enhanced the place. You were basking in a warm light which contrasted with the cold atmosphere that was outside the sacred building. You did not move from the entrance, waiting patiently for you to be given what you had bought.

“This book was retrieved from a bad man’s hands.” His voice broke the silence that was installed between you two. “If your husband really is interested in this script, you should be careful of him.” He said as he got closer to you handing the overused diary.

“I will keep that in mind.” you nodded before taking the diary out of this man’s large hands.

He smiled, flashing his perfect teeth to you. This close, you could see the eyebags between his vibrant eyes. A shiver ran up your back. “I hope our paths will cross again, little miss. If charity is what you are looking for, we could always use new members.”

Charity… “Sure. I would love to stop by once again. The fate of the N109 zone is very dear to me afterall.” You smiled.

He hummed. “Smart girl.” his fingers brushed your chin before you stepped back. “We should get going, your husband will surely show up in about a few seconds .”

Before you could answer, Castiel’s hand was on your free wrist and was dragging you out of his office, back into the auction room and in the middle of it stood Sylus. A visibly displeased Sylus. Almost angry. He shouted your name as soon as you came into his vision. The man with dark brown hair let go of your hand softly, placing his hand on your naked back.

“You should go, little miss. I’d hate for your husband to scare away my guests.”

You mindlessly nodded as you felt a sensation creeping up your back, and you almost trotted back to Sylus, pushing through the bodyguards preventing him from getting closer to their leader. Once in arms reach, the white haired man pulled you under his arm, hiding you beneath his coat.

And yet as you were leaving the scene, you could feel Castiel’s gaze burning holes in your back.

#love and deepspace #love and deepspace x reader #lads sylus #l&ds sylus #sylus #lads #fanfic #lads fanfic #sylus x reader #lads sylus x reader #sylus x you #not proofread

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blueishspace · 24 days ago

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Hero, Villain God 23

(Prev) (Next) (First)

*Scar's pov*

The day is so close, too close, you checked everything multiple times, you asked Cub to check everything multiple times, you have never been this focused before. The association called you to tell you to relax, they have never done that ever... But you can't, It's not only your reputation on the line but it's Grian's too.

You want to make sure the invites are sent to the right people but Cub tells you he has already done that... You asked him if he was sure, he told you to sleep... you should probably do it but everytime you try the anxiety kicks in and you can't drit off.

In the end you do go outside to fight crime since It's your job and is also strangely relaxing but you still think about it, you can't help it, It's the first time something like this has happened and you don't know how things will go... It's scary. What if they don't like Cuteguy? He can be sarcastic but he's a good guy, he doesn't deserve to be hated if things go wrong. What if they stop liking you? You haven't worked this hard for this to be how you get fired.

You also make sure to check that It's not going to last too long, you don't want to talk for that long, short and funny you can do easily but long? That's just making it easy for the dyslexia to make you say something bad and Grian doesn't seem like the one to talk a lot about himself ... In general the less the two of you have to talk to the crowd the better....Cub must understand, surely, Cuteguy's inaguration needs to be perfect and nothing and you mean nothing can go wrong.

You will make sure of it.

*Grian's pov*

You can't wait for everything to go wrong, if Grumbot is as smart as you think he is, which is likely considering you are the perfect judge of character you know, then this is going to be fun.

You...well, you really don't think you could have lasted all that time doing nothing...much less give a speech, what would you even say?

"Thank you"? That's boring and weird.

"I would like to thank my parents and friends"? Too cliché and also weird in this context.

You will make sure nobody dies of course, that would be a pretty bad thing and also potential for a lawsuit but you'll definitely make a scene out of it otherwise...

In other news, Hotguy is scarce, you rarely see him in the building...which is weird considering how eye-catching is the color combination of neon blue and highlighter orange. The stress of organizing must be getting to him because his eyebags are pretty dark.

He runs back and forth a bunch and you do feel kinda guilty about planning to mess it up but at the same time... Well...uhh...You don't really have a justification actually, you just think this will be better. You'll make sure It's not going to go too wrong.

Eventually you decide to force him to calm down, you know that all this preparation will be useless anyway and his stress is somehow having the novel and unexpected effect of making you stressed with what can only be described as the emotional version of osmosis... Also known as empathy, a word which you totally did not forget.

And so plan, you lure him in with his favourite maple syrup and once he is distracted you force him to sit down.

"Hotguy"

"G-Grian? Why-"

"You have been doing too much... everything, you need to do less"

"But-"

"No buts"

"..."

"It's my inauguration and you have already done enough...do you think the association is going to rely on you alone to plan?"

"But-"

"What did I say about buts?"

The urge to make a joke there was so so strong but you stayed silent.

"..."

"Listen, I appreciate it Scar but all this moving around is making me very antsy... You also look like you need sleep desperately."

He fidgets in response, It's kinda pathetic really.

"Oh I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologize"

He shuts his mouth immediately.. at least he's good at listening. Hopefully this intervention will work at...well, intervening.

"Ok!"

"So, you better stay here and relax Scar... before I force you to do so."

He looks worried about that, he goes red from worry which you didn't know was possible.

"But- right, no buts...sorr- I mean not sorry!"

"... Understood?"

"Understood."

He's still red, you are a bit confused by that but you decide to not question and leave him to do the resting.

#trafficblr #traffic smp #hermitblr #hermitcraft #grian #goodtimeswithscar #cuteguy #hotguy #cubfan135 #hero villain god au

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sunnyangy · 7 months ago

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hi, it's great to find blogs on wbk, I really loved your writing. If it's ok, could you do relationship hcs for Sakura? Thank you!

hello ! thank you so muchhh i’m glad you like my writing :) here you go for Sakura !

Relationship Headcanons 🍃

- Sakura 🌼

• You met when you were walking on a street after buying your groceries, but he noticed a group of men following you. He came up to them as they pushed you against a wall. He beat them all up, before helping you get up without a word. He simply then left.

• After some days, as you were working with Kotoha in the cafe, a group of boys from Fuurin came in. You quickly recognized the split colored hair boy, and his golden eye.

• By the advice of Kotoha, you went up to him, gifting him an omurice. He looked up at you weirdly, seeming embarassed.

« Thank you !.. you saved me a few days ago !.. » you said, bowing to him to show respect and thankfulness.

« W-What ?! I didn’t do this for you ! Guys like this make me sick to my stomach ! »

• Days after days, he came often to the cafe with his friends, and everytime you would gift him something to eat. Everytime he is annoyed with you, telling you he doesn’t want it. But everytime, he ends up finishing the meal.

• After some months, you started to be the one to fall for him. You always found his blush adorable, as he always tried to push you off but his face said otherwise.

• One day, you got bothered by some dudes again after you had a mentally tiring day. Sakura was once again around and made them leave, but you fell on your knees, crying because this was too much for you to handle on this day. He got concerned and came to check over you, but in a second, you put your arms around his neck, crying against his vest. At first he didn’t know how to react, and just put his arms around you, hesitating. But when he understood you found comfort against him, he felt this nice sensation in his heart, that he was helping you. And he was happy that someone relied on him, and considered him as an emotional support.

• He gently kissed your forehead in an attempt to soothe you. Since then, he was always kinder to you whenever he came to the cafe, always calmer and more affectionate with you, even if his behavior was still grumpy and seemingly indifferent.

• You were the one to ask him out, as you saw there was something between you two, but he was way too troubled to tell you himself. When you asked him alone in a corner of the cafe, he started stumbling on his words, like he was mad, but his cheeks were absolutely red. You put your hands on his cheeks to stop his movements, which made him shut up and look in your eyes. As you saw his eyes quickly glance to your lips, you decided to make your move and kiss him. He didn’t deny it, and in fact even deepened it almost immediately.

• Sakura will always treat you like his friends, sometimes shouting at you for teasing him.

• He is pretty distant but will be there if you need him, and he knows it goes both ways. He never talks about his feelings, even if he trusts you with it.

• He doesn’t really have a love language, as he struggles to show affection or even accept that you’re in a relationship with him. But, sometimes he takes over his ego and tries to find some gifts for you, to help you, to do whatever he thinks could make you happy. He will also always take care of you, make sure you’re okay.

• He is VERY protective, and even if he doesn’t show it, he is jealous. He doesn’t like when the guys of his group make small talk with you, or if a customer tries to talk to you too.

• Once, a customer (who wore Fuurin’s uniform) tried to get your number. Safe to say he was dragged by his collar outside, Sakura holding his vest with his eyes staring at him.

« Don’t EVER. Try to talk to her like that again. Got it ?!. She. is. mine. »

• Since then he shows more affection towards you, holding your hand or your waist if you’re in public, just finding a way to show you are his.

• Surprisingly is often over at your place, even if he claims it’s because « the water doesn’t want to get warm » and « the plumber still didn’t come ».

• You’re the only one who manages to make him smile and laugh often, and it’s one of the most beautiful sight and feeling.

• Always shouts when you pull some pranks on him, chasing you around.

• Has the habit of always showing you tiktoks on his phone or videos that he finds funny.

• Secretely watches videos on date ideas, gift ideas, or tips on how to be a good boyfriend.

• Since being his girlfriend, you discovered he actually is very talkative, but always in an annoyed way. He grumbles to himself a lot.

• When you sleep together, he always takes much space, his arm and leg over you. Aaaand he snores. And twitches in his sleep. But when he wakes up, he HAS to get a good morning kiss.

• Sakura is overall a good boyfriend but who has no experience. He is willing to learn because he wants to keep you, the girl who makes him feel appreciated, and makes him feel like he has a purpose, like he has someone to help and care about. Because of you, he knows he’s not alone.

#anime fluff #wind breaker #windbreaker #windbreaker fluff #windbreaker sakura #sakura #haruka sakura #sakura haruka #sakura haruka fluff #wind breaker (satoru nii)#fluff #sakura fluff

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wheredidhiseyebrowsgo · 1 year ago

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Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I'm wondering if you could help me? Do you know of any (Sterek) fics where Scott joins Derek's pack? I just really want to see Stiles and Scott interacting w Hale Pack 2.0! Thank you.

Hi anon! @kevaaronday made this list for us.

Turn back time by A _pretty_good_pair (23/23 | 49,715 | Teen | Sterek) There's no one left. No one. Stiles decides in his grief to try and fix everything he did wrong the first time around. Will he be able to save everyone or will he relive the pain of losing them all once again?

True by inatshej (1/1 | 38,760 | Explicit | Sterek) The point is, anything can be believed to be true now. If magic can convince Stiles that he loves Derek – weird, angry, too-many-issues Derek – then how is he supposed to know what is actually true, and what is him being mind-screwed?

And Derek can go fuck this mates concept.

Spaz and the Sourwolf by TheRealDanniX (9/9 | 24,674 | Teen | Sterek) When Stiles comes across something he shouldn't in the Preserve he ends up on four legs. Not that anyone in the Pack knows it's him. He's just hoping they can figure it out before anything else bad happens.

clenching my jagged jaws (over the capture) by Marishna (1/1 | 21,495 | Teen | Sterek) Derek Hale was never supposed to be alpha, but he's a good one. He doesn't need any help and he definitely doesn't need an emissary.

Stiles Stilinski is Derek Hale's emissary and come hell or high water he's going to see the Hale pack through the impending arrival of the alpha pack, even if it means he can never return to Beacon Hills after.

The Vasov Heir by neil4god (12/12 | 20,665 | Not Rated | Sterek) It was summer vacation. He was supposed to go to bed late and sleep even later, he should not be in a car at the ass crack of dawn (12:30) on his way to who know's where. That was not part of the plan, but then he hadn't planned on introducing the pack to his sort of fiance either or introducing them to his family, but his darkest secrets are being dragged into the light and Stiles may not survive it.

When the Wind Blows (the Grass Must Bend) by V1p3r_Qu33n (9/9 | 17,845 | Teen | Scallison) “Why is it a problem that he doesn’t know I’m here?” Scott was just getting more confused with every sentence she spoke and everytime he asked a question the answer just resulted in even more confusion.

She looked past him to a sleek black car that had just pulled up outside the house across from hers. “I think you’re about to find out.” - - - aka: the packs a dysfunctional family. Scott doesn't have a clue what's going on (though he's starting to figure it out), Derek's just trying to keep his betas in line (though they don't always like his methods), and Isaac's just trying to survive.

Learning Curve by Inell (1/1 | 6,050 | Explicit | Poly Pack) When Scott stops by to check on Stiles after he misses school, he isn't expecting to be introduced to the world of polyamory or to agree to become part of the Hale pack in such an unique way.

Heart Smart by Simplistically_content (1/1 | 3,578 | Teen | Sterek) Scott wasn't book smart like Stiles, he wasn't werewolf smart like Derek (was meant to be), he wasn't genius smart like Lydia, his decision making hadn't really given him the best track record where those kind of smarts mattered. No. Where Scott believed he was smartest, was in his heart, in his good nature. Sometimes he screwed up, but no one's perfect, are they?

A place you call home by TalesoftheEnchantedForest (1/1 | 771 | Gen | Sterek) Derek takes a walk through the newly built Hale house and is suddenly overcome by memories, both older and more recent ones. Then he realizes what was missing all along - his pack. Now with Stiles and his friends by his side, he has a home again.

(This is all flashbacks and feels, my dudes.)

Ice(d) Cream by LizzieLance (1/1 | 500 | Gen) “This is indoor snow, baby. Dodgeballllllll.”

“ Throw it, throw it!”

“Stiles, no!”

“Stiles, yes!”

“Over here!”

Whap!

“Ohhh shit.”

Wait, what?? By hugs4saturn (1/1 | 424 | Gen | Sterek) Scott isn't the Alpha.

#teen wolf #sterek #scallison #scott mccall #derek hale #stiles stilinski #stiles and scott

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littlemissraccoon · 4 months ago

Text

It's always been you

Barbatos x gn!mc,, 0.7k words

You developed an innocent crush in Barbatos after the first time you saw him, standing besides Lord Diavolo when you first came to the Devildom. Or at least that's what you thought, because that little crush never went away. In any case, it got bigger. Your feelings for him grew stronger each passing day.

Barbatos has a very calm demeanor, and is always ready to serve the public. He is rather nice to you, and smiles at you when you pass by each other in the halls of RAD. You feel butterflies in your stomach everytime he does, and try to remind yourself that he's only doing it because you're Lord Diavolo's precious exchange student.

There's no way he would ever be interested in you, right? He's a who-knows-how-old powerful demon, and you're just human. That fact doesn't help you at all, and can't stop you from acting flushed and getting nervous everytime you two are alone. Which is almost never, since he needs to be close to Lord Diavolo seemingly all the time, because Barbatos takes his position as a butler very seriously, that's one of the things you admire and love about him. He's so misterious yet so intriguing. He rarely talks about himself.

You stand anxiously in front of the mirror, checking everything is in place before leaving your room. "Going somewhere?" Mammon corners you outside your room. "To Lord Diavolo's...he invited me over, for tea" you answer, giggling, and he steps away. "Oh, really? That's like- the second time this week. What's up with that?" You shrug your shoulders and he does a tsk sound. "Uhh...anyway, be careful, ya hear? don't let yourself get eaten, Lucifer would never let me hear the end of it."

"Uh-huh" you say and rush out of The House of Lamentation, on your way to Madam Scream's. You buy a box of macarons, his favorites, and leave. You stand outside the bakery, looking at the macarons. When you turn around to walk, a demon bumps into you, making you fall to the ground. You get up to say something, but the demon is already gone. The box of macarons is on the floor, and you hurry to check the inside. "Oh no..." All the macarons are cracked, and there's crumbles everywhere. You stuff everything in your mouth and chew as fast as you can before you go back inside Madam Scream's once again to buy another box.

By the time you arrive to the Demon Lord's Castle, it's late, not too late, but still. And embarrassingly, you were just about to ring the doorbell when Barbatos opened the door. "Sorry I'm late..." you manage to say. "Worry not. Come inside, Lord Diavolo is waiting for you" He closes the door and turns around, placing his hand on your lower back. Your eyes open and your heart starts beating faster and faster. "Barbatos...here, take, I brought you something" You hand him the box of macarons, blushing. "Madam Scream's? I shall enjoy these later." He smiles, and you blush even more.

You remember that last time you were here, you also got him Madam Scream's macarons. You think maybe you should bring him something else next time. But what could he like? You know he likes tea and baking, and surprisingly heavy metal music, but what could be a good gift for him? "I'd like to get to know him better..." You say what you were thinking out loud, without realizing it. "Lord Diavolo?" He asks.

Your eyes open wide, and you're left speechless. "Lord Diavolo?...No, no...I meant you, Barbatos" You say, looking away, not really wanting to face him right now. "Pardon?" Now he's the one left speechless. "Barbatos...I really like you. From the moment I first laid my eyes on you." He closes his eyes to think for a minute. <This is it> You think. <This is the part where he rejects me>.

What you didn't know was that Barbatos had supposed you had fallen for Lord Diavolo, not him. "You don't know how happy I am to hear that. Truth be told...I had assumed you were rather smitten with Lord Diavolo. Now I'm aware that, perhaps, you've had your eyes on me all this time?" He pulls you into a hug, nuzzling into your neck, almost whispering in your ear "It had not occured to me..." He draws back and caresses your cheek, before pulling you into a short but loving kiss. "For me, it's always been you."

read on ao3 | happy b-day Barbatos!

#obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me barbatos #obey me mc #barbatos x reader #barbatos x mc

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vettelinyourarea · 2 years ago

Note

angst, memories by conan gray for ollie pls!

memories - oliver bearman

genre: angst

word count: 1,247

inspired by memories by conan gray

warning: english is not my first language

thank you so much anon for sending in the request! and this is my first ever request + angst, so, feel free to give me any feedback and hope you enjoy!

It’s been a couple months

That’s just about enough time

For me to stop crying when i look at all the pictures

It’s been two months since Ollie ended his relationship with you. The two years you spent with each other, it just end like that one night. “I want to focus on my formula 2 career,” he had said when he explained why he wanted to end things.

It should have been easy for Ollie to move on from you right? Afterall, he’s the one who end things between the two of you. But, why is it taking everything in him to hold himself from calling you after every race? Just how it once was.

It’s late, I hear the door

Bell ringing and it’s pouring

I open that door, see your brown eyes at the entrance

You just wanna talk and

I can’t turn away a wet dog

You remember the first time you saw Ollie again after things ended between the two of you. It was a rainy night, you were sitting in your apartment, reading a book with music softly playing on the background. It was 1 am when suddenly your doorbell rings. Once, you ignore it, twice, you got confused, and thrice when you finally decide to check on it.

It was Ollie who came to you. He was all wet from the rain and his brown eyes are red from crying it seems. It hurts you when you saw him like this, his curly hair all messed up adn wet, his smile you used to love all gone from his face. But you knew that he also hurt you. You remember how you cried for so many nights when it happened. You remember your friends trying to get you out of bed and entertain you because of him. But still, you can’t help but feel your heart ache when you saw him like that, standing at your doorway.

“I need to talk to you,” he said after you asked him what he’s doing late at night coming to your apartment.

And who are you to turn him away?

But please don’t ruin this for me

Please don’t make it harder than it already is

I’m trying to get over this

That night, you talked like how you used to. He told you everything about formula 2, and you told him everything about your college life. He also told you how things are, how none of it was going as how he wanted. How he can’t concentrate without you, waiting for him in the garage, like how it used to be.

You wanted to hug him then and there, you want to kiss him and said that everything is going to be okay. But you knew that you should never do that. You knew that you can’t go back to him after everything that happened. “Please don’t say that,” you said instead. “You knew it won’t work out. You knew we, won’t work Ollie.” You said trying to hold back your tears.

That night, Ollie left your apartment, leaving with two broken hearts.

I wish you would stay in my memories

But you show up today, just to ruin things

I wanna put you in the past ‘cause I’m traumatized

Ollie knew deep down, that things won’t return as how it was before. He knew that he had ruin everything he used to have with you. But still, he can’t help it when he still remember your smile, when he still remember your laugh, how safe he feels whenever you hugged him. And tonight, he couldn’t hold himself from calling you. He missed you too much, he just want to hear your voice.

Ollie needs you in his life, you’re the one who keep him sane from all the crazy things happening in his world. You are the one who keep him safe from the outside world. But he ruined it, and he relized it when it was already far too late.

“I’m sorry, please give me another chance,” he said everytime he called you. He still called you after every race, and how thankful he is because you still pick up his call and comfort him after all he did to you. But tonight is different, and he could sense it the second you pick up his call.

“Please stop Ollie,” you said. And Ollie knew what you meant. He knew that this moment will come and he dreads it, he wants to stop the time and prevent this moment from coming. “Please stop calling me. Please stop ruining things for me.” You said before ending the call.

And it was the last time you picked up his call.

I promise that the ending always stay the same

So there’s no good reasoning in make believing that we could ever exist again

Maybe you’re way too harsh and cruel to Ollie. And it’s taking everything in not to call him and take back what you said. It took everything in you not to pick up his call. After what you said that night, he still tries to call you after every race, leaving voicemails for you because you wouldn’t pick up.

You couldn’t count how many times you fell asleep while his voicemail was playing on your phone. Even after all the heartbreaks he gave you, he still managed to give you a little bit of comfort you knew all too well.

But you knew you will never getting back to him. You knew that nothing can ever happen again between you and Ollie, no matter how much you want to. You knew that there is not good in believing you two could ever exist again.

I can’t be your friend, can’t be your lover

Can’t be the reason we hold back each other from falling in love

With somebody other than me

Six months. It has been six months since things ended between Ollie and you. Another six months was the time it took you to finally open up your heart again. Another six months was the time it took Ollie to finally see you again in person. It was right before a race when he saw you in the paddock, talking with another guy.

It was right after the race when he found out that you have found someone else. “What are you doing here?” he asked you when you came to him. He had DNF in the race, and all he wanted right now was to hug you and ask you to comfort him, to tell him that everything is fine and you will always be there right next to him.

But instead, what he got was a broken heart. “I came with my boyfriend, he’s a huge formula 1 fan,” you said while looking back at the guy you had talked before with a huge smile on your face.

How his world crumbled when he heard you, when he saw you smiled so brightly at a guy that was not him. He never seen you looked so happy before.

How he wants to scream at anyone, at you, at your boyfriend, when he realized that there’s no chance left for him in getting you back into his life.

“Congrats.” He said with a bitter smile, before he turned away from you and walked away from you. That moment, he walked away from you and your life. Because it would be the last time he talked to you.

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dvskf4llz · 1 year ago

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Hello wonderful person! Could I request some bdubs x f!reader where the reader is really worried because bdubs hasn't slept in a few days because hes trying to finish a build he's making for the reader and so the reader helps him get some rest (that was so confusing to write im sorry)

I'm so sorry if this is too much I hope it's not -is 🕳 anon available? -

I was actually planning to make some bdubs fluff soon! :D

I love this idea sooo!

I can re-write this in 3rd POV if everyone prefers it that way!!! ^^

(Also yes 🕳 anon in available <3)

Go to sleep

𝓕!𝓡𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻 𝔁 𝓑𝓭𝓾𝓫𝓼 (𝓑𝓭𝓸𝓾𝓫𝓵𝓮𝓞100)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TW: Literally just pure fluff, a bit of persuasion by the reader

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"Go to sleep." "But the build—" "Sleep."

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Ever since you and Bdubs became a couple, he's always been finding ways to spoil you

You would always end up getting a little box/package infront of your base, obviously from Bdubs.

Bdubs would even write little love letters from time to time, sneaking it from under your door or in your bedroom. (I imagine Bdubs's love language would be giving the reader gifts)

One day, you would be talking about something you've taken a liking to and then *boom*. The next day you'll suddenly have it, either set on your desk or outside of your base.

This time, Bdubs had decided that he wanted to make you a nice little (not actually little) [a build of your choice].

Now, the problem with this is the fact that Bdubs hadn't gotten a single ounce of sleep since he was too carried away with building [build of your choice].

This worries you a lot, you had found out that he hadn't gotten any sleep by the other Hermits. You may or may not have asked them to check up on Bdubs everytime you're not able to since you're also busy with other stuff.

You loved Bdubs dearly but, you hated the fact that he'd practically destroy his health just for a build that's meant to be for you.

After watching Bdubs never taking a break from the build, you decided it was time to confront him.

You walked over to where Bdubs was currently very focused on building, you tapped his shoulder

"Bdubs, could you stop building for a second?" You asked sweetly, waiting for Bdubs to stop whatever he was doing. Bdubs stopped himself as he was about to place a block, he looked back at you curiously

"Yes what is it?" Looking up at Bdubs close, you could see the dark eyebags underneath his eyes, his disheveled hair and the same pair of his outfit that he wore yesterday.

"Listen, you need sleep Bdubs. You can't just be building without any sleep!" You said, almost scolding him

"I've been without sleep before anyways! It doesn't matter!"

"And I thought you were the one who would always be insistent to go to sleep."

"Well-" Bdubs trailed off not knowing how to argue with what you sId

"Exactly, you can't argue back." You said putting a hand on your hip

"Go to sleep." You added

"But the build—"

"Sleep." You cut Bdubs off before he could argue back

Bdubs sighed, knowing he had no choice but to sleep

"Could we atleast cuddle?" Bdubs asked, giving his best puppy-dog eyes to convince you to cuddle with him. You could not resist his puppy eyes at all unfortunately, so you gave in.

"Alright...."

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You and Bdubs in bed together, getting comfortable so that you guys could start cuddling. You both were in your comfortable sleeping clothes. Once you two both found comfortable positions, Bdubs wrapped his arms around your waist, snuggling against you. You did the same, making sure Bdubs was still comfortable as you two cuddled.

After a good minute or so, you could hear snores coming from none other than Bdubs. You looked down to see Bdubs' sleeping form, you smiled to yourself watching him finally sleep after weeks of him not sleeping at all.

You soon felt yourself getting sleepy aswell, finding Bdubs' soft snores and the silence peaceful, your eyes soon closed, falling asleep in Bdubs' arms with a smile on your face.

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(BONUS!)

As soon as you woke up in the morning, Bdubs was not there by your side. Your immediate thought was that he was already working on the build for you once more. You stood up and went out of the room, thinking Bdubs would be outside.

Except, you were wrong. Bdubs was in the kitchen, making breakfast for the both of you. He had a little apron ontop of his pajamas, he hasn't heard you yet since he was focused on cooking the perfect meal for you. You looked at the scene infront of you, chuckling to yourself quietly.

You slowly approached Bdubs from behind, being quiet with your steps before wrapping your arms around Bdubs' waist which ended up startling him a bit

"GAH!- Jeez! You scared me [Name]!" Bdubs laughed, seemingly calmed down from the previous events. He took the [Insert favorite bfast food] out of the pan/pot and onto two plates/bowls, it was surprisingly not burnt.

"I made breakfast for both of us!" Bdubs exclaimed proudly and happily, you pulled away so that he could move properly. He then went over to the counter-table and set the food down before sitting down on one of the chairs, he motioned for you to sit down with him, a happy grin on his face.

You happily sat beside Bdubs, eating the breakfast he made with him. It was really just a sweet moment as you and him would talk before chewing on a spoonful of food, Bdubs would sometimes try and attempt to feed you but you would always catch him and he would always just laugh it off.

Overall, it was just really wholesome and nice to sit with your lover and eat in peace <3

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aaaaaaandddd you've reached the end!! Congrats! I really hoped you enjoyed this!! I've had this request for a while- I will be actually posting PT 2 of revenge on Christmas so stay tuned!!!

Goodbye lovely! We'll meet again soon! Always take care of yourself okay? There are people that love and care for you <333

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kahin · 12 days ago

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hello! to all my muslim friends with contamination and/or religious OCD i want to share a few tips with you:

your ablution/wudu' does not need to be elaborate to be accepted. Intend for yourself to do your wudu' and say it out loud/whispered if you need to confirm to yourself, say bismillah al rahman al raheem, wash your face and hands and arms up to the elbow, wipe your head with water, and wipe your feet with water. if you end up needing to wash your hands or anything else in between, that is fine because you are still technically still doing your wudu so you do not need to be redoing steps.

regarding any discharge: if you bleed outside your period then that is considered istihadah and you don't need to do any full-body purificiation, but you just need to repeat your wudu' before every prayer; the normal, healthy, chronic discharge that a lot of people get does not invalidate your wudu so no need to repeat it.

yes, doing your prayer correctly can go a long way, but remember the important thing is to get it done. your prayers will inshallah be accepted as long as you haven't done anything to warrant it not being accepted (i.e. you're not facing the qiblah for example)

there is no demand for preciseness. if you're stuck in a spiral of, for example, 'i am not facing the qiblah exactly oh no', i know it's hard, but do not fret. Allah has made most things easy, and He is the most understanding out of everyone. if you are a few degrees off, you are okay. Facing the qiblah means being in at least the general vicinity of it even if you aren't 1000% precise. Diagram below should help explain what I mean.

[ID: A black arrow pointing northwest on a white canvas. Two red arrows originating from the same point as the black arrow are pointing in the same direction a little bit apart from the black arrow. end ID.]

Say the black arrow is where the Qiblah is as mathematically precisely as possible. The red arrows are the direction you may end up praying at. This is completely fine, given that you did your effort to get as close as possible to the Qiblah as you could, despite it being a few degrees off. Your prayer is fine. You don't need to repeat it or spend ages adjusting that prayer mat.

a lot of guilt can really be racked up from not praying. i get that. Allah also understands, because even if not necessarily difficult for everyone, prayer is by design inconvenient because it forces you to break from your routine. start off small, even if it isn't all your prayers. that can be sorted later. you not praying does not make you a disbeliever so you do not need to put yourself through the process of re-entering islam everytime you miss a few prayers.

unrelated to prayer but if you have thoughts of disbelief or blasphemy, remember that you are not judged for anything that's in your head. it's in your head, so you don't need to retake your oath or start repenting like crazy.

if you have any other disability in addition to OCD that you're worried about repeating prayer or wudu (e.g. you have a neurological condition that makes you lose control of your bladder or you have a colostomy bag), there is no need to. you can do wudu' before every prayer and whatever happens after that is not your issue

if you're stuck in the spiral of doubting your prayer and needing to check and remember that you did all your steps, you can try recording yourself praying and checking the footage after. also remember that if you do forget to do a whole rakah or a step, you can simply do the prostration of forgetfulness at the end of your prayer

I may have missed a few things, so just let me know. But Islam is meant to be as easy as you need it to be and Allah is the most forgiving and understanding. OCD is genuinely debilitating and is in fact a disability. You have a condition, of course God understands. I know it's not easy as just 'oh yeah I can just stop constantly repeating my wudu' but sometimes just having that knowledge can go a long way.

#fisher's lake!#islam #fishing index!

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ykiwrite · 2 years ago

Text

bonnie & clyde

description: falsely accused, you found yourself behind jericho's bars but wednesday is already on her way to reunite

warnings: jail ig, crimes, fluff

words: ~1.7k

The wintry concrete had no mercy on you.

Neither did the rocklike walls you were leaning against. Walls that granted the cold outside air to pass along. Making your breaths morph into a fog.

They could've at least try to make it a bit more presentable, meeting basic human living conditions. Now that you think it over it could potentially be a strategy. A mind game to scare off anyone daring to defy the law.

The comfort of your own home be it a cabin in the woods with beaten up couch or Jericho's prison cell?

But we're talking about Jericho at the end of the day. Town close to Nevermore. Where most likely plenty of jail escapes happened that left the institution demolished resulting in repair bills stacking up. It made the town give up on making it look and feel acceptable enough, so they opted for the unwelcoming ambiance and fewer expenses.

There are stories you are sure of but can't recall the details. Most of them were students shapeshifting, sneaking, and outsmarting the system never to be seen again. Nothing could really hold them back and officers were not paid high enough to keep a hawk eye 24/7.

Unless you are a person who's honest to a fault or pretending to be, you would take your chance to get out.

As to why are you trapped here regardless of your protests, you couldn't give the right answer. You knew the timeline though and had a decent alibi.

You kept repeating the events leading to this internally so this gray and grim surroundings wouldn't make you forget it. Maybe you were too dramatic but it's a decent safety measure.

Wednesday and her knowledge of crime and forensic psychology taught you so.

Before sitting on this concrete, you found yourself sitting in the Weathervanes booth. Wednesday savored her usual order in comfortable silence while eyeing abandoned Jericho's morning papers. A coffee stain mark stuck on the papers was like a thorn in her side.

"We should stop by the shop to get stuff for tonight," you declared while looking at the red sky and sun going down. Resting your head on your hand, you checked off the list of things you need.

"Mhm," she muttered. Slamming the cup down loud enough to make a statement of 'let's get moving then'.

The subtle gesture of being few steps ahead to open the door for you made you beam. "How generous."

"How many times are we going to have this conversation? Everytime i do something considered 'nice' you emphasize it. Even when i don't you do too. Where's the balance?" she asked from behind.

"Yet you still do all of the nice things so i'm not really stopping you from anything. You're just delusional but that's fine. I already accepted you. Being delusional is level one difficulty at this point."

Wrapping your arm around her pridefully, knowing you hushed her and she has to deal with the loss and your touch.

Lost in the depths of conversation, as expected once again she opened the doors for you. Question of whether was it intentional or not left hanging. This time you didn't bother.

You were circling around the aisles with speed and a clear mission. Not wanting to spend too much time here so your girlfriend doesn't get moody. With each additional step, you felt dizzier yet more aware. Your vision was hazy and the labels were hard to read.

Initial thought was to warn Wednesday who should be somewhere behind you, except she wasn't. Noticing a lack of her presence you tried to compose yourself. Grabbing the shelf and thinking it will gain you stability but it was to no avail. You could feel your body going slump as you stumbled down. Mere minutes after that were blurry. Only a faint memory present of being in the tight grip of the officers walking you out.

So here you are staring at the floor and loss for words. It was awfully quiet with only fan buzzing from the outside space. Yes, despite the cold temperature. But there was no guilt present, far from it. You were certain this is a framed situation. With no known enemies, the name of the wrongdoer was left to debate.

Door creaking. Footsteps. Maybe a pair of them.

You watched the hallway corner through the bars. Primed to see the expected officer carrying good news. Or anyone really.

What was at the lowest part of your expectations was locking gazes with your most prized horror collection who was drenched in rain like a mouse. Droplets of rain were sliding down her figure leaving a dark trail in contrast with the floor.

"I'm here to get you out," she claimed but not before her eyes scanned the cell you have been locked in. She could feel the anger reaching new highs never seen before. Someone like you, more importantly, a Wednesday's one and only that's sparred off of the hate list to breathe in such surroundings? Let alone a heart like yours be falsely charged. A wave of burden and guilt washed over her despite her acclaimed rational mindset. Crime may be part of Addams fixed tradition but she wanted you nowhere near it.

You might be left feeling more sentimental than she is, as seen in the way her fingers quickly divided the jiggling keys with full focus.

"How did you get in?" you asked while she was working on setting you free.

"Thing helped with the keys and distracting the guards. He also gathered considerable amount of solid evidence in your favor in the past day or so," followed by a sigh.

With that said it was a load off your mind. Secondly having the Addams as your backup and their daughter who's an unstoppable force and a menace once she loves someone sounded lovely.

"So what happened? I know it's impossible i did anything wrong?"

Click. "You were a victim of a shapeshifting accident. Someone copied your form which is the most probable reason why you lost conscious. They robbed the shop in your name and left you there. Thank the Thing for linking the pieces together and seeing them." She stated along with sliding the metal doors.

Your freezing body stood still while she waited for you to come out.

"You really went out of your way to get me out of jail?"

She sighed and leaned on the bar, "Only because i'm experienced in this field more than any other person you know." Which was true. Who else would save you so professionally?

"Besides," she added surveying the room with her arms crossed, "you're not the type of person deserving to decompose in here."

Well aware you could not afford to lose more time but adrenaline mixed emotions were making laps around your heads. Wednesday felt as if she had failed you. Yes, she may just got you out of it but she could've also prevented it from happening in the first place. It's the first time she deeply regretted watching the knife set on display instead of shopping alongside you.

It made her mind drift back to her own parents. Is this how her mother felt when her dearest husband got arrested also unfairly? She slowly started to sorrow the curse Addams bear and project onto everyone around them. It only brings dark and no light, seen from the first hand by Wednesday alone.

Her demeanor came off as troubled. Knowing Wednesday she was either waiting for you to move or deeply contemplating something. It's never solid ground with her.

"Let's leave at the back door. Thing is waiting for us there." Wednesday ordered, her gaze on you unmoved.

You took a few steps forward, getting closer to her. Mindful you are carelessly dragging out precious time needed for escape but it didn't sound that bad in your head.

Only now it struck you at a short distance how different she looked. The modest makeup was smeared due to rainfall and she had a tough time hiding the fact she was shivering too.

"You're freezing Wednesday." You exclaimed with outright worry. Pushing your own, the same condition away as less important one.

"So are you."

Your body worked faster than your mind, daring to crash against hers. With zero care about her soaked clothes which would make you colder even more if it weren't repressed by your disclosure.

Suddenly, it wasn't so cold anymore.

Wednesday didn't push you away. As it happens, she pressed you closer. Deeper into her arms, And she kept doing so. Both of you unspokenly agreed. It's going to be okay. If the warmth never leaves, it's okay.

"Thank you." A voice made Wednesday close her eyes and relish it. You couldn't see her face but she was drinking in your presence. Days we're long without you after all and she was at one's mercy.

The manner in which you brushed the back of her head made her almost overlook the plan that's not yet executed fully.

Spotting the Thing in the corner, she reconnected the pieces of herself you separated in a such loving way and muttered behind your back, "The ride is here. I think."

Pulled away first, Wednesday signaled you to follow her.

You were not long exposed to the rain before entering the black coated car on standby. Certainly Addams.

Upon entering in sync, you took a note it was empty except for the driver that's already increasing speed.

You let her know, "What now? It's one of your cars."

Wednesday was certain you had your own theories as to where what and when. Most of them were surely wrong.

"It felt like i had no chance and right to take risks so i called my parents. They gladly assisted me." Lies. She was afraid. Aware she alone could not do all the job done and you might wind up on the wrong end. One with no happy ending she couldn't fathom.

"You got it all sorted out, huh?"

She didn't. Not completely. Maybe not at all. But it was okay for now. You're here, Thing is here hanging somewhere underneath the car thats crossing a route known only by the driver and Wednesday.

If it's for love, Addams will find a way to make it happen.

notes: to share the pain; i listened to pink in the night by mitski and nghyb by cas specifically while writing the part she got reader out of the jail and i dont think ill recover, those songs are her for some reason and i can explain in an essay

#wednesday x reader #wednesday imagine #wednesday addams x reader #wednesday addams

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carelessflower · 11 months ago

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PART 4 :

SIDE NOTE: Magnus has hazel eyes (with an amber appearance)

(Safe and happy travels.)

Happiness and laughter filled the air, as Magnus held Alec's hand tightly. They both lookes at each other, Magnus didnt know what was happening as everything was moving too fast.

"Are you going to check on Max? Or should I?" Alec questioned.

"Ill go." Magnus stood up and headed upstairs the large brown staircase leading to the darkness above. With each step the noises from the lounge got quiter and quiter, until it was completely silent. He stood there, looking around, something felt off, weird, like he was being watched. He walked towards Max's door and opened it, to see a figure standing over Max's cot. Max fast asleep.

Magnus switched the light on and shouted, the figure turned around, he smiled, and before Magnus could awknowledge the gun his dad was holding, Asmodeus pulled the trigger, and everything went blank.

"MAX" Magnus shot up, sweating, his eyes darted around the room, he gulped.

"Magnus are you alright?" Alec said tiredly.

Magnus got up, and walked over to where Max's cot was, his baby was asleep.

A sob escaped him, he covered his face with shakey hands, Alec went over to his fiance, and wrapped his arms around him.

"Its going to be fine Magnus. We will be fine." In Alec's grasp, Magnus's knees buckled, but Alec didnt let him fall.

"Im scared Alec. Im frightened. I feel like something is coming, something big and everytime I try to stop it, something goes wrong. And im scared of him, ive never felt more scared and ive fucked up Alexander. Im stuck."

"Hey, you are not doing this alone, im with you, we are doing this together as a family. He cant hurt you." Alec kissed his fiance's cheek.

"Lets get some rest. Im going to grab a glass of water, you stay here." He said, as he helped Magnus to the bed.

Alec left the room, as his phone buzzed, Magnus looked at his phone, his dad. Again!

"Fucking asshole." He muttered, as he grabbed his phone.

**im going 2 pick u up today. Bring a bag, and a shovel.**

Fuck this.

Magnus saw that his dad was online. He looked at his alarm clock. 03:32 AM.

He heard Isabelle talking to Alec, and he almost forgot he has moved.

He types a quick message.

**fine. What time? Meet me by the National history Museam in Manhattan. The one you took me to when I was a kid.** He tapped his foot, as a message popped up.

**8 pm. Thats fine. Remember a bag and a shovel.**

Shovel??

He heared the floorboards creek outside, as he switched his phone off.

"Daddy." Max called out, Alec came in with a a glass of water.

"Daddy." Max called out again, wanting to be picked up, Alec picked him up, and they both sat on the bed. Max in his dad's lap, and Magnus resting his head against Alec's shoulder.

"I think he is wondering when are we going home?" Alec smiled, as he felt Magnus chuckle.

Max's eyes closed, as Alec gently placed him in the cot.

Magnus got into the bed, as Alec laid down next to him, his hand on his fiance's chest.

"Oh by the way, my mother is having a small get to gether, Jocelyn and Luke, and her kids. Mark and them are also coming."

"Small? What time?"

"Well she said 7 in the evening serving food at 9. We will be helping her. The kids will eat early."

"Thats fine. Catarina texted me saying for me to bring her stuff at 8 pm. Ill be back before you know it." He said, as he tapped Alec nose with his finger.

"Thats a bit late, is everything okay."

"Yeah its fine. She finishes her shift late, but needs help sorting somethings out."

"Thats fine. You better be back early, i dont want to help my mom alone." Alec kissed Magnus, he closed his eyes falling asleep.

Magnus kissed the other man's forehead.

"I love you."

(END OF PART 4. PART 5 WILL BE SET IN THE EVENING.)

stay safe!!

so fluffy 🥺🥺🥺

#ask #talent anon

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electricpurrs · 1 year ago

Text

okay but for real i dont know what to DO about it but i think i have like real attention span problems.

like i literally just cant pay attention to anything, even things i want to do and want to pay attention to. i cant play videogames, watch shows or movies, read books, draw. nothing. i procrastinate extremely with starting anything, even these things i actively want to do i just cant bring myself to do them. and it stresses me out every second on how i SHOULD be doing them but i never do.

everytime i start doing something i just get distracted and stop. i stop paying attention to whats happening in the movie, i pause the game, i look at the words on the page without reading anything. even without outside distractions ill just lose myself in thought. i then just get bored extremely easily as my difficulty to pay attention just makes me get frustrated and uninterested and then i give up completely on doing what i was doing 30 minutes later.

but i am also decisively addicted to my phone. i will stop what im doing to check my phone for no reason and then get distracted scrolling. i may try to turn off my phone but i just get stressed or find other ways to get distracted and just give up and grab it again in the end. its effectively hard to draw because i need my phone to make digital art but ill just stop drawing to check other apps

i just dont know what to do!!! this literally sucks so bad and stops me from doing anything, both things i need to do and things i want to do. i feel horrible and stressed and bored and guilty all the time and i dont know how to fix this. im going insane

#this is decisively too long it was longer i had to cut it down. i just dont know how to express how i feel #and im embarrassed of expressing these things cause i feel they mean im dumb or lazy or just another chronically online teenager #but i dont WANT to be like this and it keeps bringing me active distress #of course me being mad i cant play attention to videogames doesnt sound like a serious problem but this has always fucked me up #i went so bad in school because i just couldnt do my assignments or my homework #i couldnt bring myself to start them and couldnt focus to get them done #and that almost got me kicked out of school! that almost ruined my life!#i just dont know. this sucks

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aucoba · 1 year ago

Text

Rewtaching Good omens S2 here we go :

Ep 1 :

Aziraphale saying he forgives Maggie for not paying rent 'cause he is "very good at forgiving things, and it' s his favorite thing" - yes that's me dying in the background of foreshadowing

I already saw it the first time but crowley's paper has an article on taddfield being a wonderful place to live in

Crowley wondering what the point is into creating the universe only to stop it Vs after armagedon't, Crowley wondering what's the point of heaven and hell's existence

John ham's ass

Extreme sanction aka book of life... [suspicious]

Aziraphale becoming defensive the second gab's talks about how it feels to be in love

"the something terrible" that might not happen to you in A. Z. FELL bookshop

Why do Crowley not like it when you call and appear mysteriously at the same time? What's wrong with that?

Soon to be 'named Jim saying "you' re funny I love you", sends me to heaven

And the little fly (I did see and hear it the first time, just love the detail)

WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH THE QUOTE ON THE MATCH BOX oh and it's "Job"!

Aziraphale turning on his left when Crowley enters the coffeshop and then saying how nice it is to tell someone about his good deeds now that he isn't reporting to upstairs... Missing heaven??

bohemian rhapsody in the background in the coffeshp ❤️ (I didn't notice the first time)

Crowley calming down, not by eating the eaglecakes but by going outside, tryong to do a human technique before casting lightning - I wish I could do that

Muriel my love

Archangel in front of a material object will never not be funny to me

Beelzebub going out of their way to get their boyfriend back

The book of life again and how things might have never existed... Sending Crowley on a "lover boy" driving to his angel

The teeny-tiny miracle bit is still brilliant

Ep 2

Aziraphale and Crowley being workers from ennemies company, just chatting, trying to both do their job. So mundane.

THERE ARE BIRDS FLYING AWAY AFTER CROWLEY DESTROYED THE GOATS

Aziraphale not asking questions, simply saying "killing kids! That can't be right", acting like... Almost has if he is acting as the devil's advocate when interacting with his boss ("job liked his old children... What we could is..." so powerful)

Miracles to make places accessible is such an awesome idea

Gabriel being unnoticeable although he shoves a Terry prachett book into the archangel's faces

Jim using "the wicked bible" to try and kill the fly, what the heck is up with that! Gab the fly must be so chocked by how dumb he is ("the beauty part is that it never works)

Poor aziraphale, that's too much stress for him

"we're never going to the pub" flirt

Mister Brown holds a metro paper saying "Nebraska woman taught duck to play accordeon" and I hope Crowley is the Nebraska woman

"Maggie has a... Pash. And doesn't know how to conduct a courtship" YOU DON'T SAY, AZIRAPHALE

Wait, aziraphale can lie to the archangel's about miracling people falling in love, and knows it wouldn't actually work, but the archangels don't know it wouldn't work??

Invoke fiction properly - Jane austen being cooler than I thought she could ever be - SHE HAD BALLS - "people would gather and then realise they had misunderstood each other and that they were actually deeply in love" I need s3 to have a ball with this happening for our happy ending

Aziraphale being si excited about the clue and doing the same little dance Everytime he sings it

Hearing god's voice when Jim remembers Gabriel and Crowley knowing Jim can do better

The schuhite visiting to check up on the kids

Aziraphale "thinking" about what god's want while Crowley questions it

"may god forgive you" after Crowley does the bad guy act... And then putting his faith in crowley's words that he will not kill the kids

Aziraphale eating for the first time in the middle of a storm, as if he had been starving for ever

God answering job's questions by asking him if he ever paid any attention to everything god ever created, if he realises how insignificant and powerless he is

Crowley stopping job's wife to curse god 'cause "that never ends well"

Aziraphale and Crowley doing an improv scene magic trick to bring back the children and it working 'cause the archangels are too ignorant

Aziraphale feeling like he is failing as an angel when he lies to save humans... Him trying to cope with grey morales for the first time VS now owning the fact that the heavenly hierarchy was awful

Nina saying her partner was "not impressed" for not meeting her insane expectations... Makes me think of heaven's style of monitoring

"what car" "our car" "we don't share a car"

Gabriel rearranging the books, reading the first line of the book Muriel read at the end... And the bible is on the same shelf - and then pride and prejudice incipit-- and then good omens book incipit

Cut to depressed aziraphale in the past with depressed music

This scene... I will have to watch it again and again... It's the first and only time I think we've ever seen aziraphale feel so guilty : he feels guilty for lying, but not for the lie in itself. And Crowley offers him acceptation (rather than forgiveness) : if there's nothing to forgive then there's never been anything wrong. So we can just be, next to one another. And still the scene ends with Crowley referring to his demonic nature, as if they can't escape what the world made them to be

#good omens #good omens season 2 spoilers #good omens s2 #Rewtaching session #Thoughts

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thedevilshere · 2 years ago

Text

I WANNA WRITE A POEM ABOUT THINGS I'VE EXPERIENCED IN THE SOCIETY I GREW UP IN

I wanna write a poem about things I've experienced in the society I grew up in,

Where every little girl turns into a woman at 11, because mama said, "don't wear that short skirt."

Like that time when my mama told me to not wear a pair of ripped jeans.

Here little girls cannot go about their days without being cat called,

Like she wakes up everyday prepared when she puts her headphones on.

Here little girls if not accompanied by their mama shouldn't go out after 5 PM,

Like being with my mama has ever stopped that dark shadow of a man in the crowd from groping me at noon.

Here little girls are suppose to have other little girls as their best friends,

Like it's even a choice when you're that little.

Here little girls aren't supposed to talk to strangers, more specifically strange men,

Like she is safe if the stranger is a woman.

Here little girls need to brush their teeth before going to sleep for one purpose alone,

So that she doesn't have a crooked smile,

Like she has to be afraid and double-check in a mirror before smiling,

But smile she should.

Here little girls when grow up to be 13, are asked not to smile at guys,

Like my resting bitch face has ever stopped guys from approaching me.

Here girls are asked to be back home before curfew,

Like boys are the kings of the night sky.

Here girls are taught to be polite and timid at the same time,

Cause what if it was her fault when she rode that bus that night and fought back.

Here girls are informed about these duties as a young woman,

Like her existence is for the service of every man.

Here girls are told about things they shouldn't do,

Like being alone at night outside,

Like being alone in a room with a boy inside,

Like being outspoken or just being vocal of their needs,

Like having a voice at all in the first place.

Here boys are told about things they should do

Like being home before the next day starts,

Like not being too grateful if just one girl has been to their room,

Like being a strong boy and not a fucking pussy in front of a girl,

Like not being so emotional and fucking grow some balls,

"Don't cry like a little girl."

Here girls are always taught to be respectful,

Here boys get to be whoever the fuck they wanna be,

Here girls are not supposed to have muscles,

Here boys are the only muscles in the vicinity.

Here women are asked to keep quiet when harassed,

Here women are told there's no crime if you won't name it,

Here women are forced to change who they are to be able to breath free,

Here women forget to teach their own sons.

Here a woman loves her son and daughter the same,

But when the daughter comes running up to mama,

She is labelled insane.

Here a group of woman who aren't related have more in common than they don't,

Here it is not about if, but when she groaned.

Here women's bodies are mere instruments,

For men who are honed.

Here a woman can't complain or report,

Like she already knows there isn't one person for her support.

Here a woman's last resort,

Is to live like a bottle filled up to it's brim,

Forced,

Like a battlefield looking body,

No signs of distort.

Here a woman has her body snatched away from her,

Like that man had a right to extort her,

Like that man was never taught to respect her.

I wanna write a poem about things I've experienced in the society I grew up in.

Here every woman is the same and not,

Here every woman has guilt tied around her neck in a knot.

Here every woman had fought,

Had a blood clot,

A justice she sought,

That she never got.

Here I grew up and died multiple times,

I've been in my prime about 200 times,

And I've tried everytime,

To speak up and fight the crimes,

Meanwhile.

Meanwhile, another me grows up and falls pray to that guy's pretend and lies,

As I feel like I end up breaking down all quiet,

Like the last straw that ends this mime.

#spilled poetry #spilled thoughts #poetry #special collections #slam poetry #struggle #pain #hurt #explore #foryou #spoken word poetry #spoken word #poets corner #poetscommunity #poets on tumblr #poetsandwriters #poetic #poetblr

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cirqosmos · 1 year ago

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Man not to spread hate or disrespect you but the best constructive criticism that you need to hear is that you should complete what you started and if you aren't able to atleast say it

Because it's been months and I'm a writer myself and for sure it does not take that long to write one last chapter of a fic

Like it's okay we do understand you have your problems but then atleast don't keep giving people hopes everytime when they ask for it yk?

I just hope you don't take it as hate , I'm just letting you know as a reader's point of view that it makes us readers very frustrated because we have been patient and still would be but you need to own up as a writer yourself

"but then atleast don't keep giving people hopes everytime they ask for it yk?"

: if you're talking about R1, then i'm sure i've answered an anon ask previously about that right?

it's not hate, i understand. you've been far more polite than those anons i've received that day but please do remember that writing a fic or an episode is never easy. although, i have to give my piece of my mind for these specific sentences you've said.

"you should complete what you started and if you aren't able to then atleast say it."

: since you're a writer yourself, you should've known that it differs from every each writer but in my case; some can update fast and some can and in my case it's a no. if you read the posts that i've edited on my pinned, if you've stayed quite long enough to have read R1 then you've certainly should have known what type of a writer i am, the rules i've written, and what is the purpose of this blog. i would've said it from the start if i was not able to, but i didn't bc i was working on it every single day and there are times that i am not in the mood for a specific wip, so i'm editing another one. i appreciate your interests and patience and all of you for the love you gave me for my stories, but in the end it was never meant to satisfy readers or catch up w/ deadlines. it was meant to be a practice blog. i've made it clear from the start that i am a slow updater.

and I'm sure i said before that i only asked constructive criticism about my writing and grammar, not how or when i update a story.

"it's been months — and for sure it does not take that long to write one last chapter of a fic."

: even if it take me years, you still don't have the right to tell me i should update that story. if it doesn't take that long for you, then great! but it doesn't for me, i told you I'm a perfectionist in my craft and it takes me a hundred edits to polish it, and for me writing isn't simply something to rush; it is my passion, it's something i picked up when i was having this hollow void in myself, r1 is the series that i first wrote to keep myself alive every day.

yet writing is mentally exhausting yk? i love it with all my heart, but that doesn't make it any less tiring. editing an entire fic with these grammars, character development, pacing, checking which mf scene is important or not, etc. — is extremely exhausting.

"but you need to own up as a writer yourself."

: this is a practice blog, i repeat. and i am not even getting paid or asking for any donation since i am not fitted enough yet to ask for one. please do not tell other writers in tumblr like this, this kind of message only do nothing but demotivate them.

"like it's okay we do understand you have your problems."

: problems. i wonder what kind of 'problems' you are referring to. if we're going to only talk about problems as a writer then sure, you have no idea how i am struggling so hard with impostor syndrome, and losing the love for writing for the past few months. but despite that, i didn't stop! i keep writing everyday even when i hate it! it may not mean anything to you, but for me i was dying inside but i never give up! okay, if we're going to talk about problems outside of a writers life, then sure.

i am not only a writer for your information; i am a student, i am someone's daughter, i have schedules and deadlines to catch up to, i am a person outside of this online world, i have dreams i am trying so hard to reach and achieve. you telling me "to own up as a writer" have no fckng idea how i take writing lessons, reading and studying a thousand writing tips out there, improving a second language, reading books when i've barely read before! and yet, writing is not the only thing i do, how surprising. i'm a self taught artist which is nothing new, art school is fckng expensive so i gotta own up and teach myself how to draw and learn every single things there's to know. and hey, i'm a computer science major and even tho i hate maths to my core, but bc i have a dream to become a game developer; i still do it.

balancing all of these should be easy right? when there's only 24 hours in a day.

"i'm just letting you know as a reader's point of view that it makes us readers very frustrated because we have been patient and still would be."

: there was never a day that i didn't think about my readers, or how they have waited for so long. that's why i put in that daily increments, the daily effort. but have you ever stop to think about writers' point of view too, since you're a writer yourself? or how you might have failed to think that a writer can feel frustrated just like you do. or have you ever stop to think that i need rest too or have you ever think that there was a day i wanted to die so bad bc i feel so lost and empty but i still keep up w my daily routine, trying to stay alive. but i couldn't tell anyone bc my feelings don't matter and i might be just exaggerating, and that i will always think that everyone had it worser than me, so i just opened my pc and write all my feelings out in a fictional world i've created while having those little doses of joy.

and it's all going to repeat again and again.

i'm a human too, you know.

thank you though, i was actually going to post r1 this november since i alrd posted a new fic today but you really ruin it for me. bc some of y'all, even with this spectrum from being rude to being polite. you still don't understand a writer, after all.

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