#I need to draft another email before I sleep

[taruruchi]

I am NOT getting on the grind to make new art for today bc I've been getting 4-5 hours of sleep for the past few days and I'm exhausted so I will sleep earlier today lest I collapse 👍

[phagodyke]

I have to be up for work in 3 hours and I'm gonna be real I think ive hit the point where I might not be getting any sleep at all. for fucks sake.

[skyrigel]

Guardian angel - the salesman

Kidnapping, manipulation, forced feeding, mild dumbification [ Read Guardian devil here ]

He watched your face, ridden of any turmoil. Sleep laden and lips parted, blissfully lost in a foreign dream.

It pleased him to see you sleeping so peacefully, in your dingy apartment with broken windows and leaking ceiling, loud hostile music coming from upstairs and poor regulator that did nothing to warm your room. The bed left your body sore and cold, there was no comfort there for a pretty one like you, so soft, so tender. But it's alright, he'd got you safe here baby.

As much as he loved watching you sleep, but it's been hours after he had taken you out from that shitty apartment, paid the six months due rent and slapped the landowner three times — for all the windows he never fixed and only asked for payments. Next he logged into your email, sent the resignation you had drafted months ago but never sent because there was no work except it. You don't need it now, you needed none of their bullshit. 

You belong to him, he'll take care of you.

“Easy…wake up now, sweetheart.” He cupped your face, skin warm and soft. Your lids slowly opened, expecting harsh day light that came through the broken panels, cheap curtains did nothing to block out the rays. 

There was none of it, your body felt rested and warm. 

“I..Y-you— this..” You scrambled back like a kitten spotted stealing bread. Banging your head hard against the headboard and pain ozzed up in short waves.  His big palm coming to rest on the back of your head and smoothing down the pain, “You must be hungry.” 

It wasn't a question, a statement.

“Who are you ?” You snapped back, trying not to waver your gaze at the tray he was hoisting up with careful, with a steaming bowl in between. 

“Chicken soup,” He said, then smiled like a devil masquerading an angel, “oh, me ?” 

“Who are you ?” you asked again, desperation pouring its way inside you. He was handsome, very handsome. 

“I am your everything baby. Your lover, your family, your angel….” His eyebrows tugged manically, “And your devil.” 

You bite your lips hard enough to draw blood, then open your mouth to say something, counter him. He wasn't. He wasn't. He — 

Meanwhile he blew the steam away from the scooped up herby soup, countering him wasn't something that would please him. You can be a brat all you want later, talk back all you like. He's here, he'll listen, maybe you should give him a list of all the people who've pissed you. That will be good, but for now you must eat and rest. He didn't want to drug you, but there was no other way. 

“Eat, love.”  He pushed as your lips parted, it wasn't hot enough to burn your tongue. He knew it as well.

“Is it good ? I made it for you.” 

Your eyes teared up, it tasted similar, it was the sort of thing that tasted like home, although you haven't known it for so long after your parents' home smelled too much like alcohol and bruises. 

“Hey, hey, hey —” He cooed, as much as he liked how puffy your lips became and goddamn those star like eyes. But it pulsed his heart to see you cry. “What happened ? Tell me.” His sleeve came up to wipe away the soup from the corner of your lips . 

You breathlessly shaked your head.

“Was it you who sent food every day ?” You looked up, eyes into eyes. He leaned forward, his hands holding up the tray.

“Don’t worry too much baby. I've got you.” He whispered, pressing his lips on your forehead and taken aback with your raised chin, a moment, then his lips met yours in a peck. He pulled away, you were all flushed, another moment. He kept the tray aside on the bed table, and smiled like the tempted devil. Slender fingers came and held your jaw hard, before he drank you up all the way in. His lips glided and pried open your mouth to let him get a taste of home, rawly he fucked his tongue in your mouth and felt his cock erect in the simple thought of using your mouth. His beautiful kitten, his cock slut.

It's alright, he's got you. His baby, all his.

[greynatomy]

reputation

ella toone x reader

first ella toone fic! was in the drafts for a while and got around to finally finishing it. honestly don’t know where i was going with this

———

You had a reputation.

Once you turned eighteen, you started to rebel, wanting to make your point across. At eighteen, you started getting tattoos and buzzed all your hair, looking completely different from the colorful person you used to be. You wanted to steer away from the child everyone sees you to be and be seen more of an adult. The thing is, your management thought that the only way to do that is to make you out to be a womanizer, getting girls left and right.

The smoking, though, that was on you. Becoming well known starting at the age of fifteen, you’ve been under the spotlight from a young age, being told how to dress, how to act, everything in your life was controlled. The smoking, getting tattoos, cutting your hair was a way for you to get some of the control back.

You are now twenty-five. Fired your old management, signed into a new label who let you be you. Its been two years and you’ve been writing and producing songs on low profile. Your fans still figure out which songs have been written/produced by you - even under pseudonyms. You were loving being out of the spotlight for once.

—

The sun shining through the curtains wakes you up from your sleep, eyes fluttering shut from the light. Your arm tightens its hold from the body it’s slung over, pulling them close.

“Mmm, five more minutes.”

You didn’t reply, just pulled her closer than she already is, drifting back to sleep. About an hour later, you wake up to footsteps running around. Sitting up, back resting against the headboard, you see your girlfriend running around, stuffing things into her training bag. You sat there quietly, admiring your her chaotic form rushing in and out the room.

“You’re staring.”

“Just admiring.” You mouth twitching up in amusement.

“Well, I need to leave now or I’ll be late.”

“Did you pack any going out clothes? Wanna take you out after training.”

“Yeah, but what about my car?”

“I’ll take a cab to the facility. Wait for you.”

“Alright, text me when you’re there.” She leans down, giving you a kiss. “I love you.”

You grab the back of her neck and pull her back when she moves away, pulling her back in for another kiss.

“I love you. Now, go before you’re late.”

“See you soon.”

To make time go by faster, you decided to busy yourself with some cleaning around the house. You quite liked being a little housewife for Ella, cooking, cleaning, waiting for her to get back home from training.

Few hours later, dressed casual, you’re in a cab on the way to St. George’s Park. paying the cab driver, you walk to the parking lot looking for Ella’s car.

Rockstar 🎸🖤

at the car. forgot the spare key. take your time

Looney Toones ❤️⚽️

give me a few minutes

You leaned against the car, answering some messages and emails from your phone. You were too focused to notice a couple of footsteps coming towards you.

“Uh, excuse you. Don’t lean on the car.”

You look up, taking the hood off your head, to see Ella’s best friend, Alessia, and one other.

“Oh, sorry.”

“Hold on.” Mary, the goalkeeper that Ella’s told you about, spoke up. “Why do you look so familiar?”

Before you could answer, you’re cut off by a very loud voice.

“We’re matching!”

Your face instantly lights up at the voice of your girlfriend.

“What a coincidence!”

“Ha. Ha.” Ella realizes you, once again, matched with her on purpose. “What is it with you wanting to match with me?” She smiles at you with adoration.

You shrug. “You ready to go?”

The clearing of a throat breaks the two of you out of your bubble, forgetting about the other two Lionesses.

“Uh, Tooney?”

“Yeah?”

“Who’s this?”

Ella’s face lights up. “Oh! This is me girlfriend, Y/N!”

“Nice to meet your two!” You hold your hand out, but it was just stared at. You let out a chuckle, awkwardly putting your hand back down. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah. Bye guys.”

Mary and Alessia watch as the car drives off with their friend inside.

“I remember now! She’s Y/N Y/LN. The one I’ve seen on the news always bringing a new one home.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I wouldn’t be surprised if Ella was just another one of her conquests.”

The next day at training, Mary and Alessia approach Ella during break.

“Hey, guys!” Ella greeted them cheerfully.

“Hey, Ella. Uh, just some questions.”

“What is it?”

“Your girlfriend. You know who she is right?”

Ella was now confused. “Uh, yeah. Of course I do.”

“Well, we’re just worried.”

“About?” Now Ella was getting a bit impatient.

“She’s a bit off a womanizer isn’t she?” Alessia blurts out, speaking up for the first time.

“Excuse me?”

“She’s always seen with a new girl hanging by her arm like every week.”

“I’m not having this conversation.”

“Look, Tooney. We’re just looking out for you.”

“Looking out for me? Nah, I’m done with this conversation.”

You were in the backyard when you heard the front door slam shut. Looking towards the door, you see your girlfriend stomping towards you and plopping down on your lap.

“What’s happened?”

“Ugh! Can you believe Mary and Less? They had the nerve! The nerve to accuse you of being with me only temporarily.”

“What else did they say?”

“They were talking ‘bout how you always have anew girl hanging off your arm and stuff, but those were from years ago before you fired everyone.”

You wrap your arms tighter around her, pulling her closer. “Well, I mean, look at it from their perspective. They’ve never met me, they don’t know me like you do. All they have is what they’ve seen online. And they’re your best mates, they’re looking out for you.”

After a few moments of silence, Ella now has a look of determination on her face. She grabs her phone and sends out a text.

“They’ll be here in a couple minutes.”

Your eyes almost pop out of their sockets.

“What do you mean in a couple minutes. I haven’t even cleaned the house yet.”

You run around the house picking up anything you could see to put away, wanting to make a good first- technically second- impression with Ella’s best friends.

“Babe.”

You go to grab the vacuum.

“Baby.”

You also grab a broom because what if the vacuum isn’t enough.

“Baby!” She grabs you by the shoulders to keep you in place. “Breathe.” You do as she says. “Okay. The house isn’t even messy and even if it was, they’d know it was from me.”

You nod your head. “True.”

Exactly as Ella stated, there was a knock on your front door a couple of minutes later. She greets them, letting them in and goes to stand next to you.

“This is Y/N. My girlfriend, as I stated yesterday.”

“Hi, nice to meet you both.” You give them a small wave.

Mary’s lips form a straight line while Alessia gives you a small smile in greeting.

“Let me get us something to drink.” Ella announces, leaving the three of you alone.

“What’s your game here?” Mary gets straight to the point.

“Sorry?” Your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“C’mon! You’ve gotten with singers and supermodels, basically everyone. Is Ella another one of your conquests?”

“What? No!”

“I’m not stupid! I know your reputation, you go from one girl to another.”

“Well, then you don’t know me at all!” You were now getting frustrated. You hated when people judge you just because of what they see from the media. You can’t blame them though, that’s all people know you from.

“What’s going on here?” Ella walks back in, drinks in hand, confusion on her face.

“Nothing. Just getting to know—”

“—Actually.” Mary cuts Alessia off. “I just wanted to make sure she is good for you. Based on all the girls she’s been with, I don’t think she is.”

“Okay, that’s enough Mary!”

“I’m just being realistic!”

“No, you’re being an asshole judging my girlfriend from things you see on the internet. You should know not to believe everything you see online. The both of you.” Mary and Alessia looks down in shame. “Also, if you haven’t noticed, she’s been out of the media for two years so everything you’ve seen was from a long time ago.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that she’s been with half the population before you!”

“It does when you find out that that isn’t true at all.”

“What?” Alessia’s voice was soft but heard.

“My name is-was a brand by the label. I was legally blinded to do what they told me to do and the acting out, smoking, tattoos, those are the only ways I could take some control back, but I never took advantage of anyone. All those girls I’ve been pictured with, I’ve only slept with one until she left me because management wanted to keep the ‘bad girl’ image.”

You move to the kitchen, grabbing a beer from a refrigerator. Popping it open, you take a swig, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Two years ago, I decided to ‘run away’ to Manchester. Fired my whole team and just disappeared.”

“That’s when I met ‘er.” Ella cuts in, wrapping an arm around your waist, leaning into you. “Started dating two months after the countless dates she took me on and it’s been almost two years. She makes me really happy.” The last sentence was directed right at her friends.

“Okay. I’m sorry for judging you so quick.”

“Same with me. I’m sorry.”

“No hard feelings at all.” You give them both a smile. “Now since you’re both here, why don’t you stay for dinner.

The three perk up at the mention of food.

[jaegeraether]

Sunsets and footballers (Part 24)

Lucy Bronze x Reader (23)

Masterlist (other parts here)

(**It's my birthday so I figured I'd give y'all another chapter tonight :) **)

YFN woke and the first thing she felt was the soreness between her legs. Lucy had given her exactly what she needed into the early hours of the morning. She felt her sleeping Lucy behind her, arms and legs tangled, her head almost fully laying on the side of her own. She could feel her sleepy breathing in her ear and her heart melted. Sleepy Lucy. Vulnerable Lucy. Oh, the duality of their relationship. The ability to be so in love, so gentle, so kind and caring and thoughtful; and then the fucking. The aggression, the obsession, the instinctual need. It was something she never thought was possible in a relationship, yet here she was, the happiest she’d ever been.

And then she remembered that Lucy was leaving that night and saddened a little. She took a deep breath, telling herself she was just being dramatic and emotional. She stretched out as far as she could without waking her warm girlfriend and grabbed her phone. She hated being on her phone first thing in the morning, but it was going to be a good distraction for her until Lucy woke up.

She’d been in contact with the nine employees already, though none of them had met face to face yet. She sent the email she’d drafted the day before, inviting them all to their first meeting. Joe had suggested she could buy an office space, but YFN had declined as she didn’t think they were ready for that yet. Most of them would be in different places around the country, and so Zoom was their best option for the meantime. However, as the company was new, she and Joe agreed to rent out conference rooms instead whenever and wherever they needed.

The meeting she arranged was for tomorrow, in Birmingham. Joe had already sent her the details for the conference room she’d booked, and she added that to her invitation. Excited, she sent it out and then replied to a message from Jordan that said she was headed out for brunch with a few of the Arsenal girls before they left.

She skimmed through a few notifications out of the hundreds from the night before, and then felt a change in Lucy’s breathing as she slowly woke. She put her phone away as her girlfriend yawned and stretched against her, nuzzling her ear.

“Good morning, little one.” She could hear the happy smile in her husky voice.

YFN turned in her arms and pressed her lips to the base of Lucy’s throat. “It is when it’s with you.”

God, she was so warm and soft and cuddly. She placed tender little kisses up Lucy’s throat until she reached the soft flesh under her jaw. Her skin was so soft there. So vulnerable. She placed a few lingering kisses there and Lucy shuddered, her head tilted back so she could have all the access she wanted.

Then realisation of what the day would bring must have hit her because she groaned, her throat vibrating under YFN’s lips.

“Shhhh.” YFN whispered against her skin, moving her lips down and back up again, her bottom lip dragging behind a little. Lucy relaxed again and squirmed a little, letting a soft moan follow. She did it again, down and back up either side of her throat, over her pulsing arteries. Her lips found their way to the little dip between her clavicles and she kissed that spot, this time dragging her tongue gently up to the top of her throat. Lucy swallowed, obviously aroused, and trying to contain herself. But YFN didn’t want her to contain herself, because it was their last morning together, and she wanted to thank her after the night before. YFN’s hand found Lucy’s abs, tracing there as she tilted her head back so they were almost face to face. She took her bottom lip in between her teeth and tugged gently as she traced over Lucy’s lats, down the dip in her waist, and to her hip. She brushed her lips over Lucy’s teasingly, almost kissing her but not quite, while she let her hand glide over her ass, enjoying the size of it. She reminded herself to never let Lucy skip squat day. She loved her ass, especially in track pants. She grabbed it and kneaded it a little as her tongue traced over Lucy’s bottom lip. Her hand moved down to her thigh and around, softly tracing ever so slowly up towards where Lucy was a little warmer.

She loved that Lucy wasn’t even trying to stop her, she was letting herself be comfortable and vulnerable, something that she’d been working on with YFN. ‘You deserve to be loved too’, she’d said to her one night. It must have stuck with her because the Lucy she saw now was so much braver, so much more willing to be vulnerable. She kissed her as her fingers felt through her folds growing wetter by the second, and her tongue entered her mouth when her finger did. She just wanted to feel that warmth of her inside, that soft flesh, excited and swollen for her. She groaned against Lucy’s mouth because she could feel herself wettening at the feel of Lucy.

Her finger came out and moved upwards devastatingly slowly, her mouth tilting on Lucy’s to get better access.  She worked her finger up and down that little sensitive line running up towards her clit until she felt the frustrated whimper of her girlfriend into her mouth. Today, she’d give Lucy everything she wanted. Her fingers moved to her needy clit and Lucy gasped at the touch, YFN happily swallowing it as she began to rub circles in and around it. Lucy’s hips began grinding into her hand, desperate for more pressure.

“Patience, Luce.” She whispered into her mouth and rolled her onto her back, her lips and fingers not stopping their eager work. She put half of her body on Lucy in an attempt to stop her hips grinding but it only partially worked because fuck, Lucy was strong. Especially those glutes and thighs.

“I need..” Lucy moaned into her mouth. Her heart skipped a beat. Lucy was actually letting herself say what she wanted. What she needed. Letting herself put her trust in YFN.

“What do you need, Luce?”

“I think… I feel empty.”

YFN nodded against her mouth as they gasped into each other and YFN’s fingers moved back down without hesitantion, two sliding themselves home inside of Lucy.

“God, you feel so good.” She encouraged.

She knew she just needed the feel of something inside her and so her fingers stayed still inside, her palm meeting her clit and continuing her work. Lucy’s back arched under her, her hands gripped onto her so tight as she got close. Lucy’s whimpers moved to a higher and higher pitch, getting less optional and more desperate, the closer she got.

YFN moved her lips to her ear and murmured there. “Jordan’s not home.” Lucy shivered at that, eyes closed and letting her tension build up with an increase in her vocality. YFN’s mouth moved selfishly across her sharp jaw, down her neck and back onto the throat she loved so much, letting herself feel the vibrations that came with Lucy’s desperate noises. It only took another minute of intensified pace and pressure for Lucy to come, hard. She groaned and her body locked up, her insides clenching tight around YFN’s fingers, her nails digging into her back. YFN shivered in pleasure at the pain of her nails, her palm continuing its circling, though slowing and calming down. God, she loved the feel of Lucy’s body and the ability she had to control it. She felt her body relaxing slowly, riding that wave down enough for her to eventually stop her rubbing, and remove her fingers gently.

Lucy’s breathing slowed and her fingers relaxed, automatically caressing the spots she’s just had her nails in. YFN worked her lips back up over her jaw and she brought one arm under her, leaning her head on her hand above Lucy as she looked down at her. She wasn’t fully focussed, because she didn’t have her glasses on, but YFN could tell she was still excited, her eyes dark.

“How was tha-”

“Sit on my face.” She demanded.

YFN was taken by surprise, her eyes widening. “What?”

“You heard me. Now.” She took hold of her waist and encouraged her up as YFN scrambled to move upwards. She swung a knee over Lucy’s head, suddenly aware of just how excited their little play had just made her, and before she could even fully settle, Lucy had pulled her down onto her face. She gave a grateful groan into her clit as she ate her, no slow build, just straight into it like it was more for her own benefit. YFN cried out softly and her hips began their movement on Lucy’s face, getting more friction from her girlfriend. Lucy gave a grunt of approval as she held onto her. YFN leant onto the headboard, using it as an anchor to be able to better move her body against Lucy. God, that tongue. That mouth. It was desperate. One minute it was sucking on her clit, flicking it with her tongue, the next her tongue was circling around her hole, her tongue pushing in and out as far as she could get it. YFN couldn’t help the cries and whimpers coming from her mouth.

“God your tongue, Luce. Oh.. fuck.. you’re amazing. F..fucking amazing. Don’t stop. Y…yes right there…argh!”

YFN noticed then that only one of Lucy’s hands was on her hip and she swivelled her head to see the other she was using to rub herself. She moaned at the sight. Not on her watch.

YFN lifted herself off of Lucy’s face and swung her leg back over. Just as Lucy started to protest, she remounted her the other way, leaning forwards and dropping herself back onto her face. Lucy understood now. She pinched and flicked both nipples as YFN enjoyed this new angle, and then her hands slid to her waist as YFN leant down and took Lucy’s clit into her mouth. Lucy’s legs parted, her feet pushing onto the bed to try and buck her hips up into her mouth more. YFN’s hands gripped the back of Lucy’s thighs and she focussed on her girlfriend. She felt herself riding that wave but needed to get Lucy there just as quick. Her mouth and tongue continued their assault on her clit as her fingers entered her, slowly moving in and out. Lucy grunted her frustration and her hands moved up to the back of YFN, her thumbs pulling open her folds for better access with her mouth. Her mouth moved up to her hole, her thumb rubbing her clit until she decided she wasn’t happy with that and changed back. Her head tilted as it worked her clit, allowing her to slip a thumb into her for a few strokes. She groaned her frustration at her orgasm building again under the mouth and fingers of her little Australian and she moved her right arm up and around her thigh to thrust two fingers into her. YFN gasped, her body jerking forwards before she continued fucking Lucy. It was almost a competition as to who could get the other there faster, and Lucy loved winning. Plus she’d had the advantage of the face riding. Her fingers fucked in and out of her with obsession, the sound of the room was filled with wet fucking, gasping, whimpering, moaning into each other’s pussies. What a perfect morning.

YFN came first, letting out a cry but refusing to stop fucking Lucy towards her orgasm which came not too long afterwards. They worked each other down, ever the caring girlfriends, and then YFN rolled off of Lucy and onto her back. They laid there like that a little while, their faces glistening with excitement, their bodies spread out as if they were making snow angels, only connected by their little pinkies hooked around each other.

What a perfect morning, indeed.

They tried to make the most of the rest of the day. Everything was done slower, and more together than usual. Lucy was admittedly not the touchy type with people, only hugging people she was close to. However, it was the complete opposite with YFN. She was the exception. In fact, Lucy was trying to make an effort to stop being so clingy, despite her little Australian loving it so much. She wasn’t used to that yet.

They showered, dressed, and went for a morning walk to get Lucy her coffee. She didn’t realise, but Lucy had a specific task planned for the day and so after their walk, she pulled YFN around the apartment, asking her questions about things that would make her feel more at home. Listening and assessing, she drove them into town, the little Australian not knowing where she was going, but just coming along for the ride. They bought furniture she needed, and little things that she had said might make it homier. They bought the stuff home, and Lucy built the modern bedside tables while YFN put the other little bits around the place, like the shower caddy and the little skincare shelf for the bathroom, always letting herself admire Lucy’s building concentration as she moved past her. One of her favourite things was the diffuser and she’d picked out a vanilla, a musk, a black tea lychee, and a blood orange scent that reminded her of Lucy. She set it up on the first bedside table Lucy had made and walked back out to the living room, brushing her hand over Lucy’s shoulders as she passed.

“I think that’s it!” She smiled. “Now just the food shopping..”

Lucy shook her head from where she sat on the floor, legs apart and a half-made second bedside table between her legs. She pointed the screwdriver at a box she hadn’t noticed, because she hadn’t been there when Lucy had bought that. She’d been wandering the aisles, food shopping, wondering what Jordan would like to eat for dinner. And lunch. And in general, really. She didn’t know that side of Jordan yet, but she was excited to.

YFN opened the box that was clearly just there to hide what was inside. She smiled, her eyes lighting up as she lifted it out of the box. Lucy watched her little dimple getting excited at it as she stared, admiring it.

“It’s a peace lily.” She explained. “A bit of life for the apartment. I thought you’d like it..”

“I love it.” She whispered, turning it around and looking at all of it. She got excited even at the little things, Lucy had noticed. She was always grateful, and rarely expectant.

“It symbolises peace and tranquillity. She only needs water about once a week, and I bought a spray bottle so you can spray her leaves as well. She only needs a little sunlight so I thought she could sit on that shelf up there.” She pointed to the top of the bookshelf against the wall in the living room. “Needs to be kept high so Blu doesn’t get to it.”

Blu was Jordan’s dog, a little dachshund that was currently still at her parents’ house because Jordan had been so busy. She was yet to meet him, another little housemate.

Lucy continued. “And I know you will be all over the countryside with your work, but Jordan will look after it, if we leave a note on the fridge.”

YFN laughed at that. “Yes, Dory will need a reminder, that’s for sure. I’ll steal her phone and put a weekly reminder in, I think.”

Things started to move a little too quick then, their time slipping away from them. Lucy getting a flight reminder on her phone really dampened the mood. Lucy was finishing packing and YFN was trying to help but couldn’t seem to move beyond the pace of a sloth.

“Luce.. your toothbrush..” She said, holding out the little blue brush with a cap on it. It was just a toothbrush, but as she held it out to Lucy, she felt herself getting a little teary eyed. Lucy noticed and left her suitcase, walking over to comfort her girlfriend.

“I left it there on purpose..” She said, taking it out of her hand.

That certainly did it. Her little Australian couldn’t stop the tears as they started to fall, her lower lip trembling and her little dimple sad again. Lucy inhaled sharply, barely able to control her own emotions. She pulled her close and YFN settled in her favourite spot with her head on Lucy’s collarbone. “T…this is going to be healthy for us.” She admitted into her. “I… This… This is so intense. These feelings.. this wh..whole thing. Space will be good for us.”

Lucy nodded against her. They both didn’t want it, but they both knew she wasn’t wrong. “I don’t think either of us really knew what we were in for.” Lucy agreed huskily. They weren’t unsure about their relationship, they just knew that a little space may help them deal with it better emotionally. Perhaps they’d see each other again and be better at dealing with their feelings for each other. Perhaps it would be the complete opposite and they’d be desperate, obsessive wrecks, fucking and needing each other. Either way, a little space would help to draw out whichever one it was.

Their drive to the airport was mostly silent, their fingers tangled. YFN was unaware her hand was anxiously playing with Lucy’s, and Lucy was unaware she was stroking hers softly, calming down that anxiety. They checked Lucy’s bag in but she was unable to go further than that. It was an international flight after all. They found a little corner where they could have their privacy and that’s when Lucy finally succumbed to her emotions. YFN held Lucy’s head on her shoulder as she cried, needing some escape for her emotions. After a while, they knew Lucy needed to go through security or she’d be late for her flight. Lucy looked at her, eyes red and wiping the tears off her face. She kissed her then; passionately, desperately. YFN leant into it, accepting all of that love. Eventually they pulled away, foreheads pressed together for a while.

Lucy pulled something out of her carry on and gave it to her. YFN recognised it as the hoody she’d worn that first night she’d met Lucy. “Keep this.”

She took hold of it, hugging it against her for dear life. “Luce…”

“Take it. Wear it. I know you don’t like owing anyone, or things not feeling ‘even’, so I know you’ll bring it back to me.”

“That’s manipulative.” She laughed, wiping her tears.

“Come to Spain, little one.” Lucy begged.

“I will, Luce” She promised. “13 days.”

She nodded, “13 days. And then come to me.”

“I’ll be there.” She whispered, her fingertips stroking Lucy’s cheek.

“Promise me you’ll be careful. Promise me you’ll call me if you’re in trouble, or upset or… just.. I need you to be safe. Promise me.”

“I promise, Luce.”

Lucy’s lips trembled, but her next words were sure. “I love you.”

[missjoolee]

This is a mixture of shower thoughts fic and lying in bed after taking a sleep aid fic, so is it good? who knows. but apparently ao3 is down so enjoy! lol

Warning: not proofread at all.

the band has been working diligently to make a name for themselves and while they have a decent following, they’ve all had to take day jobs

on one of the days they are all working, julie almost misses a call form a record label that recently saw them perform and would like to sign them on

she says she is excited by their offer but would need to speak to the rest of the band first, to which they are understanding and even offer to email a pdf of the first draft of the contract to them to review and they can set up a time to meet if things look satisfactory

she rattles off the band email before ending the call and texts the band group chat before heading back to work after her break

“a label wants to sign us! contract in band email. can’t wait to go over it with you guys! <3 <3″

she feels her phone buzz with an incoming response as she’s walking back to the front of the store she works at and quickly checks it.

L- yes! rock n roll hall of fame, here we come!

as she is reading that, another texts arrives and she laughs at Luke’s impatience

L- emails not there yet :(

back at the front, the afternoon rush hits and julie doesn’t have time to check her phone, but she’s felt it go off several times in her work apron and, while she’s never hated the customer service industry, she absolutely cannot keep a giant smile off her face the whole rest of her shift

so she’s a bit blindsided when she finally gets to check her phone again as she grabs her things from her work locker and the first message she sees is

L- I’m not signing this.

it must be a real bad deal then. her heart sinks as she continues reading

A- ?

R- oooo bad money deal?

L- money is fine.

L- not a good fit for the band

A- how do you mean?

luke didn’t respond and the next message comes 20 minutes later

A- F that. i’m not signing either

R- guys. what is going on?

R- oh

R- okay, yeah no

by now Julie’s anxiety is starting to climb because how could it not be a good fit? this label is known for signing bands in the pop-punk genre. What on earth would make the guys turn this opportunity down? an opportunity they have worked blood, sweat, tears and years to get. How could they dismiss it so easily?

she needs some time to think (but does she really? it’s the anxiety talking) so instead of responding, she pulls her bag strap over her shoulder and begins walking towards the exit, tying her hair up in a real messy bun to keep herself from picking at her fingernails

The clouds in the sky are pinkish purple against the darkening sky as the sun is low enough to be blocked by the surrounding buildings. heat still emits off the parking lot pavement, alluding to the Hot summer days thar have fallen upon the city.

Julie takes a deep breath before heading to the employee parking

Luke is leaning against the back of her car

"Luke? What are you doing here? Is everyone okay?!"

"Yea, Boss. Everyone's fine," he reassures her before pulling her into a hug. "I just wanted to see that million dollar smile."

Julie can't help but smile

She holds him tighter as her thoughts quickly jump back to the contract. She questions him about the group chat. How could they possibly all be saying no?

His arms tense around her, before letting her pull back to look at his face. He reveals that the contract actually starts off pretty decent. The label just had one stipulation that was a deal-breaker.

What? What could possibly be a deal-breaker when the rest is that good?

"If we sign it, they'd be able to force the band to undergo cosmetic dentistry."

"Oh." Her stomach drops. She wants to look away from the boy she's described as having the perfect smile. Alex and Reggie are basically right there with him. She forces her hands to stay put, but they scream to cover her mouth, her face. Her eyes drift down and stop on his Adam's apple. This is about her.

One of his hands gently cups the side of her face, tilting it so she is looking up at him again. His eyes are sad.

She can't stand it. She can feel tears welling in her eyes "I- I could do it."

He's shaking his head vehemently before she can finish. "No, Jules! You are perfect and beautiful just as you are. If they can't see it, then they aren't the label for us."

"But-"

His other hand moves up to cup her face in his hands.

"Be who you are, don't compromise, julie. Fuck them."

Julie is overwhelmed in that moment. Tears break free of her lashes, but a laugh rings out as she pulls his face to hers.

His lips ground her and she cant believe how lucky she is to have such a supportive boyfriend. She pulls back and remembers the others immediate refusal to sign as well. She couldn't ask for a better band and family. She thanks her mom for the millionth time for bring them to her.

She sniffles from the tears but a smile is back on her face as she teases him. "Did you quote our own song at me just now? What a dork."

He's grinning back. "Well, the gal who wrote that line is pretty smart."

He pulls her to the passenger door "let's go home"

[my-castles-crumbling]

TO CAMP ANON

Hi love! Someone sent some advice to you, so I'm putting it under the cut because it's a bit heavy. I hope you're doing well <3

I’ve been keeping up with your tumblr and your asks and stuff, and I hope it’s okay but I had something to say to Camp Anon.

I sort of inferred the situation through your answers Cas. When I was a kid I was often in group at church with other “rebellious” kids. I know now that we were all the queer kids who hadn’t realised yet (credit to them, maybe some of them had) and then when I turned 16 and partly figured myself out I started getting invested in peoples stories.

By that point a lot of the kids I’d gone to church with were also closeted, and we started talking to each other about ourselves and our experiences.

And turns out a few of those kids went to conversion camps. The summers before and after I found out. 

One of the kids was a year older than me and is still a very close friend of mine. She’s actually taking a course to be a therapist now.

And there were a few things they said (and my friend still says when she decides to talk about it) that I thought maybe you should know. 

It seems like from Cas’ answers to the ask, that Camp Anon has been somewhere before and I presume is going somewhere else again this summer? (Parents don’t usually send kids the same place twice in a row)

Look, I have some advice that’s gonna suck but I think you should hear it. You need to know before you go to the camp what sort of level/type the camp it is. 

There are ways to find out and i’m gonna list some here and just do as much research as you can (safely) because if you’re unprepared it will be difficult to leave if you need to.

So the camp has to find away of telling parents what it’s like without directly saying it. It’s often found in quotes.

Theres a big difference between “helping your child” and “healing your child” and “fixing your child”. 

Helping usually means giving quotes and bibles and doing straight kid activities (whatever that means).

Healing usually means a lot of churchy sessions, “explaining” what’s wrong with you, being more delicate

And then fixing means being absolute dickheads. 

There should also be a website somewhere, or a form or something that your parents had to sign. Sometimes that can be over an email or sometimes it’s a letter. It’s just another way for the camp to cover their asses. Whatever is written inside it should give a vague message about the danger level, how many things they want to cover themselves for.

Also- about recording the camp. If you do decide to (no pressure, always prioritise your safety), focus on filming the other kids around you. If your phone is caught or found, if the videos start of silly with other kids in (as long as they know the risk of being caught with a phone too), it’s unlikely someone will scroll through all the videos, which will mean even if they’re deleted, you won’t rise too much suspicion. 

You can also hide videos in other places, like take a video you have and put it in a draft on your tumblr account, and then delete it from your phone. That can be done on Insta too. It does require internet but I assume you have mobile data.

Also camps without phones will still have wifi for adults, sometimes this is free wifi. If it is, don’t use it (if possible).

Also, sometimes the location of the camp on fliers won’t be the real location. For example, it might be the location of the church you go to, but the place you sleep might be one road over, so stay awake. Keep an eye on road names if you move from the location your parents dropped you off at (in case someone needs to come get you, and then can’t find you). 

It is illegal to say that being queer kids can be “fixed”. It’s against the law for camps to do this. Conversion therapy is illegal and wrong. Morally wrong and literally wrong. Not a thing. Doesn’t work. Total fucking bullshit.

And be careful. I know there’s a temptation to bring a weapon (like a knife) with you to these places, and it makes sense. But these kids have been through a lot, like you, and can be really depressed and have mental health issues. And you don’t want a kid to do something bad to themselves with a knife you brought with you to the camp. 

(Cas here: just remember if that ever happens, it's NOT your fault)

Just think it through. 

And be careful who you talk to, some of these kids believe the stuff they’re told. It’s not their fault but don’t assume everyone will agree with you about the situation. 

I don’t want to get too involved, I understand this is an overwhelming thing and reaching out just to talk about it was so brave. If you’d like I can ask my friend, who’s been to places like that, if there’s any personal advise she can give.  Or not, either way is fine. 

And finally, the area I grew up in had a terrible social services place nearby, and when you called the number for social services that school gave you, they’d just send someone from there. There was a kid I used to know who called social services on his family and the guy who showed up was friends with his dad. 

Idk if you have good social services or not but do some research first if you can ❤️

(Cas again: let me know if you want me to reach out to this anon to ask any questions or to get info from their friend! We support you <3)

[trickster-shi]

WIP Updates

Been a while since I did one of these, and I should honestly be trying to sleep so this damn sore throat/respiratory crap goes away, but I just can't breathe when I lay down >_< however, I'm feeling a bit better than a couple days ago so I'll do this update and see if I can concentrate long enough to get some words in on at least one of these projects.

Project Zander:

I finished chapter five last night and sent it off to the beta readers. That one took a while to really come together to my satisfaction, especially the past scene. I had over 10k words on this chapter at one point before figuring out what it needed and cutting it down to 6500.

I am now working on outlining the next five chapters before I dive into chapter six.

Untitled Original Project:

I decided to scavenge some parts from Teenage Vigilante Witch and build an original story out of it. So far I like what I've got, which is about 4k words and needs a lot of outlining. Still keeping the found family aspect, but I'm doing a lot of world building and outlining to ensure it's a very different story from Teenage Viginate Witch. Looking back on it now, there was a lot of stuff I wish I'd explored in that first story, but it was written very fast and thrown up on archive to prove to myself that I could still write. I never intend to go back and edit or rewrite any of it, so I'm going to take the potential it had and put it into another story and take it a couple jogs to the left. Mostly, I'm going to be exploring that guilty/vigilante mindset with a spell amnesia twist that slowly pulls back to reveal a truth better left forgotten with a different take on found family. Still working out a lot of the details but I'm excited for it.

Home Across the Universe #10:

It's a little over 3k at the moment but I have notes and scenes in my email that I need to get and stitch together in the draft, so it's likely closer to 5k. Also, I already have the ending outlined and I'm excited to get to that since it's a cliffhanger I'm gonna get yelled at over. Looking forward to that. I may poke at this one today and see if I can get some more written on it.

Rabbit Come Home part 4:

Also a little over 3k written, I'm still outlining the scenes to make sure I include everything I need to so it's a satisfying ending. I'm shooting for this to be the end of the series and there are a lot of threads to tie off.

Into the Black, Episode 3:

Also sitting at 3k, this has a couple of chunk sitting in my email I need to stitch in as well. I haven't worked on it in a couple weeks and need to sit down and outline my scenes to figure out where it needs to go. I have a vague idea but not enough to work on, especially today with my mind being fried from sickness.

Untitled Sequel to the supposed Jurassic World/Teen Wolf Oneshot:

I told myself it was a one shot and I believed it for a while, but a plot bunny bit me after a recent rewatch of Fallen Kingdom and I now have...5,515 words of a sequel. It goes a bit AU from Fallen Kingdom because I had high hopes for the promises that movie set up for Dominion that Dominion just did not deliver for me. I'm still let down about that, apparently. I'm aiming to keep the story small in scale, but it was fun pitting Stiles against dinosaurs the first time and this sequel has him showcasing some more of his smarts while injured and a little delirious from pain meds, so it should be entertaining.

Aaand, that's all I've been working on lately. Hoping to get the next Home Across the Universe oneshot finished and posted first, though I'm not making any promises or predictions on when that will be. Hopefully I can scrape together enough brain cells to work on it today and get it closer to the end scene.

[kilosch]

Journal Entry 03/04/2025

Slow Day – Wrapping Up at IHOP Woke up in the morning, got up, and finally drank the stuff my little sister gave me last night since I was too tired to take it then. No coffee last night—just didn’t want the caffeine messing with my sleep. I started my day by catching up on work, going through referrals for IHOP, emails, and team chats.

The workload felt slower than usual, which I guess makes sense. My responsibilities as an EMT are fading out, shifting to the CHWs, and things feel less hectic. No emergency requests, no last-minute rushes—just monotony. It’s a weird feeling.

While working, I was also communicating back and forth with my future Police Department regarding academy details. Everything is moving forward, but it’s hitting me how much things are about to change.

Thinking About a Trip to the Philippines

With nothing major happening at work, I started looking into flights to the Philippines. I was surprised at how cheap round-trip tickets were—around $1,000. The idea of visiting before the academy starts has been on my mind, but I wasn’t sure if it was worth it or not.

I texted Nate, who’s currently in Vietnam, to see if he’d be down to go with me. He’s thinking about it, which could make the trip even better.

Later, I mentioned the idea to my mom, and she was skeptical about it. She questioned why I’d take a vacation before the academy, saying I should be focusing on training instead. She’s not entirely against it, but she didn’t seem thrilled either. She did say she’d respect my decision, so it’s still on the table.

Resignation Letter – Finalizing My Last Day

I finalized my resignation letter today. It felt personal and emotional, considering I’ve spent over a year at IHOP and built strong connections with my coworkers. I’ve had solid leadership here, and it’s honestly a bit surreal that I’m leaving.

While drafting it, I realized that my original last day was set for March 31st, but that’s Cesar Chavez Day (a holiday). So, I rewrote it—now, my official last day is March 28th.

It hit me that I will miss this job, the camaraderie, and the connections I’ve made. If this job paid more, I could have stayed another five years, but let’s be real—a Police Officer salary is way better, and I need something that allows me to live comfortably, especially in California.

Conversations with Coworkers – Opening Up to Kaci

While working, I ended up having a random deep conversation with Kaci (the RN). Not sure how it happened, but I found myself opening up about my past—which is unusual for me at work. She seemed genuinely interested, which was nice, but the convo felt a little too personal for my comfort.

To switch gears, I tried shifting the conversation to food, joking that I’d rather stay in the U.S. because we have Chick-fil-A. Apparently, she doesn’t like Chick-fil-A—which already made me side-eye her choices—but what really threw me off was when she said she’d rather have a McChicken from McDonald’s. At that point, I nearly crashed out of disbelief.

She knows I’m leaving soon, but it still felt weird realizing how short my time at IHOP is now.

No Gym, No Motivation – Fighting Off Procrastination

I was supposed to work out today, but my brain told me not to. Probably depression creeping in, because I kept procrastinating, even though I knew I should be training for the academy.

My mind and body are in a weird disconnect—I know I need to stay in shape, but the mental exhaustion is making me put it off. I need to snap out of it soon, or I’m gonna regret it once the academy starts.

Gaming – Failing at Battlecruiser Rush in Starcraft 2

Instead of working out, I ended up playing Starcraft 2 and trying out the Battlecruiser Rush tactic. A lot of people online claim they can pull it off in under five minutes, so I wanted to test it myself.

Turns out, I suck at it. No matter how hard I tried, I could only get it done by the 10-minute mark. I kept analyzing my mistakes—maybe I was over-saving minerals, or maybe I wasn’t managing gas properly—but after multiple failed attempts, I just gave up and called it a day.

The 5-minute Battlecruiser Rush feels impossible, and honestly, I don’t know how people do it.

Mental Health Check – Depression Lurking, but Managing It

The depression is still lingering, but I’ve been masking it well. There wasn’t anything major today to set me off, but I could feel it in the background.

I’m just moving forward at this point—resignation letter finalized, planning for the academy, and trying to keep my mind occupied.

Tomorrow’s a new day, and I’ll just keep pushing through.

[aperfectangelgirl]

draft of a letter i may or may not send one day

[addressed to: (first name) (maiden name) (parents’ house)]

hey.

i am going to start by apologizing.

the last time we spoke, i sent you a screenshot of your husband viewing my profile on linkedin. i was not nice about it. i am sorry for the anger you received, especially because the anger i’ve felt since november 2023 was never for you. we all know from therapy that anger only masks other emotions. i’m sure i don’t have to spell out that i was hurt when you decided to stay with him. i was not surprised when you weren’t nice back. being reminded of a traumatic event does suck, and so does receiving an angry text when you’ve done nothing wrong in that instance.

it was almost satisfying, though, to receive your anger. your anger masks another emotion, too. it was nice to think it might be hurt over what happened. not that i want you to hurt. but i do want to believe i still mean something to you.

anyway, i want you to understand why i sent you that screenshot. and why i called you delusional. i stand by that, by the way. feel free to stop reading there. i won’t blame you. this whole communication is self-serving of me to begin with. you don’t need to read more than you feel able to.

the events of november 2023 - to refresh your memory, because i’m not sure what you’ve had to tell yourself or what he told you to minimize things - were that your husband had been closely monitoring my tumblr page for at least six months and downloading my (mostly clothed) lewd work pictures. he had to have been checking almost daily to catch those before i deleted them. he then anonymously messaged me on tumblr saying “it’s a shame there’s nothing of you getting fucked on your blog.” anonymously. i responded with my link, and he created an account (which requires entering a lot of info, email, card info, etc. it’s an intentional action with many opportunities to stop), paid for it, and then clicked through my content and had to download each and every photo and/or video you found saved on his desktop. (there’s no mass download, btw. it’s not meant for download. it’s illegal. most likely he had to screen cap and/or screen record, crop, title, save. once again, many opportunities to stop.).

after you told me about this, you said that paying for porn was a hard line in the sand for you (which clearly it is not). you said you were going to divorce him. i was relieved; i’d been telling you for so long that he was verbally and emotionally abusive. you agreed. you told me how he punched walls and desks and tables and we both know that is one step removed from punching you. i thought, at least the psychic damage i am about to take is worth it. she’ll be free.

after you took it back, and i told you i didn’t see a way to be friends anymore, things got real weird for me. i was sick - physically sick - for ~9 days. i couldn’t eat, sleep, or work. i was not only grappling with the complete and total loss of my longest relationship and one of my dearest friends - even if i hadn’t cut you off, we were ruined. how could you ever look at me and not want to blame me? how could you look at me and not remember what happened? i was also grappling with what he did. you didn’t like the word stalk, but what else would you have me call it? an obsession? a fascination?

anyway, have you ever been stalked before? closely followed? an object of fascination? this wasn’t necessarily my first rodeo, but certainly my most harrowing. the most personal. obviously i blocked him everywhere i could think to (except linkedin…) and i removed his family members from everything, too. i only soft blocked you at first; but i hard blocked you when i realized many abusive spouses force access to their partners’ socials. i didn’t know what accounts of yours he had access to. i couldn’t let him see me on his accounts, or yours, or any burner accounts. i shut all of my shit down. if it couldn’t be private, it was deleted. i didn’t want to block you. i can’t emphasize enough, this burning feeling of *i cannot let him see me.*

*i cannot let him see me.* this person who broke down someone i loved so much, this person who single-handedly ruined an 18 year relationship by being a fucking pervert, this person who verbally and emotionally abused my *sister* and would likely continue to do so with me out of the picture, no longer whispering in your ear about what he is…. no, *i cannot let him see me.* i can’t. i CAN’T.

so that, my dear e, is why i sent you that screenshot and my anger. you didn’t deserve my anger. i know you feel like you can’t live without him. sunk cost. stockholm syndrome. whatever. but the fear, the frustration, the exhaustion i felt at thinking i had all of my bases covered, that i was invisible, i was out of his reach, this person who destroyed something so important to me, only to realize he was finding one more way to peek over the proverbial fence? oh no, i couldn’t just let that go.

i was also, selfishly, hoping that showing you he was still looking at me would be your last straw, maybe. because why the fuck would he need to be checking on my linkedin? i’m serious, e. give me one good reason. he is not my friend. he is not in my industry. he has no business AT ALL seeing what i’m up to, after all of the bullshit. none. what did he tell you? did you believe him, or did you sweep it under the rug with the rest of the skeletons from his closet?

this is getting long winded. one more apology, then what i really wanted you to know, and then i’m done. i promise.

i am sorry i had to cut you off and leave you to process what happened without me. i don’t see how else things could’ve gone. i would have been a constant reminder of what happened if i’d hung around. what exactly was i supposed to say? “sorry your husband was a little obsessed with me”? and of course, you let his violation of my privacy (public link or not, he downloaded my shit. illegal.) and our relationship go completely unpunished. not to mention the itching, burning feeling of keeping him away from me. there was no way for us to proceed. but i really, truly am sorry that you had to go through that without me. i know it sucked to go through my part without you.

what i really wanted to say, now that i have overexplained myself and you’ve probably stopped reading.

i hope you find happiness. i hope you want better for yourself, someday. i hope you are healthy. i hope that you have someone to support you through the current state of our country. i hope you don’t think that i ever stopped loving you. i grieved you harder than i’ve ever grieved before in my life. the grief still comes and goes; i still think about you. i still wonder if we can ever reconnect. that’s not possible while you’re with him, of course. so we probably can’t.

i hope we can, and i hope you leave him someday. but i know better than that.

take care of yourself.

love,

b

[aireterra]

So I cleared some data on my laptop and it seems I needed to log into the email I've been using before so that the settings I've used ever since will still be the same and the bookmarks to be imported.

However, I seem to have forgotten the password. It doesn't seem to be linked to my current phone number and other accounts so I can't just get another password.

I often leave a note on accounts and passwords somewhere. Be it my diary (physical and digital), journal, keep notes, emails, messages, etc. So I went to browse those.

I started with email drafts. But I only found my gaming account password there. I checked Google Keep Notes but it wasn't there as well. There were only birthday dates, lists, and poems there o⁠(⁠(⁠*⁠^⁠▽⁠^⁠*⁠)⁠)⁠o. After that, I checked the Twitter DMs I sent to myself. Still, it's not there. I checked SMS and Messenger too but to no avail.

My journals didn't have it as well so I checked my digital diary (the Luna app). I found a few interesting entries there from 2020. Young me is sort of naive it seems. She liked listing her likes on that said diary. She talked about the books she have read and even had a list of them. I don't remember some of the titles ngl. But I wanna comb through that list again. Might help me get to know my past self again?

Anyways, my search there was also futile so I opted to browse through my last resort which are my screenshots. There I did find my app passwords but I didn't find the one I particularly need. I also got distracted by some of my screenshots because I found the messages I've written but never sent there. I used to do that. Type messages, screenshot it, and clear the said message. I kinda wished I'd sent them but I'm also glad I didn't. I also found convo screenshots there and that's when I realized that the password I'm looking for must be on a message I sent to myself on my previous Facebook account which I've deleted instead of deactivating, thinking that I can just restore it before 30 days. But I've failed to do that so the account got lost forever. The convo screenshots I have made me wanna reread the whole convo but I cannot access that anymore. I kinda regret deleting my account now😭. But there were also message convos that I didn't wanna remember. So I'm a bit conflicted. I kinda wanna delete my whole screenshots folder now but I know how bad of an idea that is.

The password searching journey lead me to realize how unrecognizable the past version of myself is. Ngl, it was sort of triggering. I don't know what to feel about it all. It makes me both wanna destroy my phone and reacquaint with my past self at the same time. My past self is still me, yes. But God knows how different we are. Suisjddjdisijejdn. The urge to delete the folder is really strong. I stopped browsing it halfway for reasons unknown to me. I just can't seem to find it in myself to read more of what's there. There were some wholesome SS there like quotes, highlighted sentences from an ebook, a manga screenshot, playlists, recommendations, drama and anime quotes, and some interesting and important infos. But still, I don't really know what I don't wanna see in there. Maybe just the convos? Or yjyktkrkdkf... Nvm. I'm rambling due to lack of sleep. Hope I forget everything tomorrow.

[mirrorballwhoistrying]

Hot Summer Nights, End of July (27.07.24)

Hold up! I should have started writing this in the morning to dump my thoughts. It's the middle of the day now and my thoughts got fuzzy. I'd try to get it done!

July is done in a few days and I think I should have written down something because it's been what a month.

So let me recall what happened in this one month. At the end of June, I went to shoot a video for Ud for Marugame. I also invited Samphors too. It was a cute little reunion.

The surprise that got me the most was receiving the email that I've been shortlisted for an AAS interview! I knew that was going to change the trajectory of my July.

The first week of July, I dedicated the time to preparing for an interview with WeduShare about my experience during YSEALI. I did okay I guess, there were some parts I should have listed down to talk about during that time but it was my first time! They were very caring as well.

That weekend I also prepared for additional video shooting for 606 as well. I did the props and set up and shot the video. I also met up with Knk and Ps to start the preparation for AAS. It was an exhausting week.

the 2nd week, I got to meet with Roger for the 2nd time for his visit this time! I also met with STHDA and LOR. It was a cute and fun reunion.

I spent the 2nd week editing the videos for the program. It was really time-consuming I supposed. I also got the go on a 3rd date with someone. He was really great but I just wonder does he looks only for fun or something serious.

The panic kicked back in on the 3rd week. I only started drafting answers for the interview this week! I did a mock interview with my coach. It was fine, but I knew I didn't do my best. Then there was also another training with 606, and I got to meet up again with PS and KNK. That was the start of real preparation, we met 3-4 times and I could feel my answers for the interview got better every time. It was also a different experience of course. It was polishing every answer.

There came the interview yesterday morning. I never had an interview this early at 8:30 AM. I also glammed up at 5:30 for the interview. It was okay, but I feel like I didn't answer with the energy and charisma I knew I could! Was it because of the lack of sleep?

I slept at 1 the night before and I could feel that I really lacked some energy. There's nothing I can do about it now but it's still going through my head.

I was quite anxious about my preparation for the interview day, but then one mindset set me up so much better. It was about being authentic. I've lived my life battling with the concept. If I was being genuine about my intention and still wasn't chosen, then maybe it wasn't meant to be? The panelists were also elder people who just wanted to know about my stories and my motivation and really wanted me to win.

The most important of all, life goes on, if I've been chosen or not, I still need to work on my goals and projects. They're not going do itself.

So what's my plan now? I'm going to start building my portfolio to lead up to my establishing my agency, at the same time building up PPUB as well.

This time, I don't care about other people's opinions, I'm going to try my best, even if I don't succeed, I still won't regret.

[mtravelsize]

Oh boy..

I deleted 100 posts for when I started this almost 15 years years ago. I think I want to go in a new direction. This will hold my hopes, dreams, random thoughts, angry ramblings, and anything else I gosh darn please (and maybe some cuss words here and there out of anger). I miss this. Like talking to someone that listens without judgement. Most of the time I just need to talk things out. Think things through...

This past week was scary. I hadn't felt like this in a while. It could most likely be the lingering hormones from a recent miscarriage, but I genuinely had this flood of emotions that I didn't know how to describe. I had started to open myself to friendships this past year and made a friend at a co op I'm a part of. It started out so wonderful. This woman is probably a decade older than me but that didn't matter. I've always gravitated towards older people ( maybe they're more mature...maybe they give off the "older sister" vibe) Who knows. Anyway, I think I gave up too much of myself. I think when people say things like "you're like a sister to me" I should run the other way. It's never that way. Sisters don't go no contact. When someone says that, I genuinely believe this. But maybe that's the naive part of me. This friendship broke me. I was reminded of I. How I gave up so much of my heart to this person and she just... I don't know. I hate FEELING this much. Looking back, I think we were too alike. She took offence to a question that didn't mean to be offensive. But then I think I ruined it by communicating how I was feeling. I did that with I as well. With her I had sent her an email. With A, I decided to just speak to her directly. I assumed that since she was older she would appreciate it. It definitely backfired. I cried on the way home. 3 kids sleeping in the back and I'm over here, sobbing while sitting in traffic. If someone was able to peek in, they'd think I was upset about a traffic jam. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's horrible! But not enough to cry about it..... So that happened, and F was offshore. The only people I could confide in was a fairly new friend.. I told her and she helped me deal with the feelings. She didn't have to, but that was very nice... Fast forward to last week. We we fasting for Dhul Hijjah that same friend and another friend had decided we would go to the park to open our fast as a family. It would also be a mini grad party/Juz finish party (because yo girl F finished memorizing a Juz). Because of weather we had decided to do it at one of our houses and I offered up mine because why not. Everyone came over and it was one of the best evenings I've had in a while. I'm sure no one else thought that but to me, it felt so...normal. This was also one of the few times where the husbands also hung out with each other and it looked like they enjoyed themselves. Alhumdullilah for that btw.... So when everyone left, I was left with my depressive thoughts. Anyone that knows me, they know that 1) it takes me a while to get me to open up to you 2) When I do, I'm all in. It takes a little while but then I'm loyal for life. Now I'm having all these feelings. Most of them are teen Maryam feelings. Pessimist Maryam feelings. I'm sitting there with a text message draft, ready to send out.. Thanking them for coming etc. I just could NOT send it. Almost like something was preventing me from sending it. I change the window to Instagram and see how the co op woman and her daughter (whom I was friends with as well) have deleted me off instagram (how mature, right?) I immediately turned off my phone and put it away. I went MIA for a few days and I feel horrible now. I feel horrible because I think they...my friends.. were genuinely worried about me. But again, it was only 2 days. That's messed up, though. I probably shouldn't have done that.

F doesn't understand this. To him, family comes before everyone else. I never had that luxury. There's too many family members that go no contact over the most useless things. MT was never really at an age where I could just be like "lets go for dinner" or something. We also argued a lot.

For me, friends end up being more precious. But he also says I wear my heart on my sleeve for my friends. I don't think that's always a bad thing. Doing so makes you vulnerable, but it also means that it lets the other person get close to you.... Lets see how this goes. I hope I don't eff these new friendships up.

[sholtiscapstone]

No. 5 Progress Update!

Hey, everyone! 

I hope you’re all doing well with your projects so far. Time is flying by and we’re almost at the end. For me, things haven’t been exactly what I wanted them to be in terms of timing but I’m still feeling confident I can get this wrapped before our last week deadline. It’s been taking some hours away from my sleep but that’s all worth it lol, and not that big of a deal. 

As for any hurdles I’ve faced, I’ve had some personal things take me away from my time on the project. I’m putting the time back into it though, and I’ll get everything back on track in no time. Realistically, I believe we still have so much time left to accomplish things, so if you’re stressing over our time frame, don’t worry about it. It’s better to be patient and finish the race a little bit later than you expected you would, then to give up and not finish at all. 

I’m also feeling more confident I can get things done quicker now after my check-in meeting with Sharla today. Lately, I’ve been gathering footage from the films my interviewees mentioned as I was considering adding in the characters they speak about in our conversation, but Sharla recommended that I should avoid doing that, as it takes away from the discussion. Super good advice, and it also helps me just focus on editing my interviewees. I’ve already chopped up the episodes, but the hardest part overall is adding in the different angles to the correct time. It’s a very meticulous task. Also, color-grading them to appear similar has been tricky, as I feel like my eyes have been bugging out on me. Thankfully, I have friends I can use as guinea pigs. 

Moving on, another topic that came up during my meeting with Sharla was my YouTube page that I’m going to be doing my posting on. I made one tonight and plan to upload everything there, so I’ll link it on my account for future reference! 

Then, for my visual component of this update, it’s a little different than a straightforward attached image. Instead, I’m going to link a project I did last semester in a short film class. I was lucky enough to have the chance to try and do a rough draft of what I wanted my capstone to look like back then. It’s awesome to see how much it’s changed since then. Instead of doing one-on-one interviews it’s now a group project, there’s no outside footage, and the questions aren’t the same either, as my new talk story series allows the interviewees to guide themselves more than anything. I can’t wait to do a full reflection on this experience because the change is pretty significant, but I love my current concept way more, which I didn’t think would happen lol. 

Females in Frame - CM 353 cut

Other than that, I’m getting back to work and planning to spend a few more hours tonight editing since I’m off of work tomorrow, so much sleep isn’t required. I hope you all are on track with your projects and seeing the results you want. And again, if anyone needs help feel free to reach out to me for whatever. You can email me through Laulima if need! :)

[stressedlawsecretary]

Today's Focus

12.13.23 - Thank god I am remote today; I was so cold and tired when I got up I booted up my comp and went back to bed. Considering the only email I've gotten in the first hr and a half is one from the Benefits division I think I'm okay.

Work - Stephanie has me working on these trial notification letters for defendants at another CF, but like. I have less than half a dozen letters to do, they're all one page, she gave me the draft wording since they're all the same letter, and she doesn't want them until after the 19th - so like a week or so. I'm not rushing is all I'm saying.

Background Noise - Starting the day with 99 on the Watch Later, and I'm pretty proud of the fact that I'm under 100 videos at this point (though just barely; but that's not entirely accurate I have videos on there I've watched that I haven't removed yet as well) but I have to temper that with the fact that I'm remote working and therefore will have the DVR on all day.

Having completed about 15 videos yesterday, I feel like I'm doing pretty well catching up on some things here.

Study - It is visual study day so I'm going to target my DVR watching to my saved news programs, mostly. I have one documentary movie and one episode of a documentary-type show on the list as well. The non-visual study is going to consist of trying to read the like 8 press releases I haven't gotten to yet, and at least three (3) environmental conservation articles.

I did poorly yesterday as well, only reading one page of the background of Emmett Till's FBI investigation before the website crashed on me. Then I went to read some articles and realized I needed to reorder a whole lot of stuff to make that more manageable.

Extras - I have a handful of chores (catbox, finish the bathroom, kitchen stuff) but other than that I am focused on writing and organizing so that I can game later and watch fun things.

The ideal afternoon/evening looks like: getting the chores done, writing while I finish up work & organize some work folders, starting dinner, finishing off the tree while I watch cartoons with dad & hunny as dinner cooks (it's a casserole), watching tokusatu while I eat dinner with hunny, then gaming and maybe more writing before watching silly show and going upstairs to my girlroom to do my girlthings (skincare & stretching while watching wrestling). Then meditation before snuggling in to sleep.

[sometimesanalice]

I have thought about this fic ENDLESSLY since you first told me about! I have longed for it the way they longed for each other those 3 months they were apart, AND IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT!!

I loved getting to read it as you worked on it, but I LOVE where you took it! So many lovely moments that you wove in the between drafts and I was FLOORED I TELL YOU!

This was everything I needed! It was sweet and soft and spicy and humorous and heartwarming (and heart wrenching!) and perfect!

I left you something in your duffle bag (yes, it’s safe to open around other people…head out of the gutter, Bradshaw)- AND WE’RE BACK BABBBBYYYYYY!!!

She was completely in her element (they gave her a clipboard and a bullhorn!)— watch out world!

She also appreciated your wrapping skills, very impressed with the bows and tight corners.— consider the panties dropped! A man who can gift wrap is HOT!!

I forgot how noisy it is being on an aircraft carrier, which makes Payback’s snoring surprisingly pleasant. I’m glad he and Bob are with me. — I’m vvv delicate over deployed Bradley and what it’s like for him on the carrier! I’m glad he has a girl at home who loves him and has his friends with him! 😭💖

Glad Mav is there to keep an eye on you. - Bradley: 😑

Your Bradley— 💖💖💖

Do you want earplugs? A sleep mask? Are earplugs allowed for sleeping? What if you need to get up right away and you can’t hear? I could send you a white noise machine? Or is there a fear of hacking with that? I should’ve done more research on this before you left. Tell me if you need anything, I’ll send it out express! — THE SWEETEST GIRL!! I love how she just wants him to have all the comforts of home that she can give him! It’s so lovely the way they take care of each other!

You and me, hot date tomorrow night at 11:45pst - don’t be late. (And look cute.)— THIS MAN 🤭🤭🤭

AHH!! The late December emails!! They’re new to me, and the way my blood pressure spiked!! (Even though I knew they were coming, I was still unprepared!!) THE LONGING THE YEARNING THE PINING!

And I know you being away during the holidays is hard, but look at it this way - we’ll just have our firsts next year. Next year will be our first Christmas, first New Year’s, first Valentine’s Day together, not an ocean apart. We have all the time in the world, rocketman. Love you today and every day x— THE ONES FROM THE 27TH MAKE ME WANT TO DRIVE OFF A BRIDGE IN A GOOD WAY IN THE BEST WAY BUT ALSO WHHHEEEEEEEE THERE I GO 🌉

I give away too many details so I’m just going to leave it at this: are we sure Max doesn’t have a twin on another continent? Take that as you will. — BRADLEY?! COME BACK I WANT THE TEA HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE IT?!

A minor issue with my brother and my dad that I won’t bore you with had the whole house in a tizzy. — THAT PUNK ASS BITCH DO I NEED TO THROW HANDS?

AH *THE* REFORMATION DRESS 😍🌹😍 she’ll be so cute at that NYE party!

Who? Me? I would NEVER! (Just trying to keep you on your toes.) — AH SHE IS SO CHEEKY! I’m dying that she purposely labeled them wrong 😂

You still gotta let me take you up, kid. I’ve heard Mav is trying to convince you, but you gotta let me be the one. Can’t trust just anyone with my girl. — 🤭🥰 Bradley yet again: 😑

I’m pretty sure you can trust him to take me up in a plane, you silly boy. Not that I’m saying you won’t be my first…but come on! — bless her, I love how she’s so oblivious

They’re coming down in a couple weeks to help me start packing, anything in the house you wouldn’t want them to see while dropping off boxes? — lol bless

I’m an open book, kid. Ain’t got nothing to hide. — except the printed copies of the soapy titty pics that I JUST KNOW he has

We started off the class with knife skills, which we’re going to do every week and then made this “simple” egg dish, which was NOT simple and I overcooked the egg. Ina would be so disappointed. — INA WOULD BE PROUD OF THE EFFORT! But as someone who has taken her fair share of cooking classes for fun, they looooove going over knife skills 🫠

Though there’s tragically this really annoying couple who were at the station next to me. I hope we get to change next week, I don’t think I can watch them feed each other food another week. - nooooo there’s always *that* couple! Get outta hereeeee! There’s not enough wine to make them uncringey!

Wait, wait, how did I miss there? There was a WHAT in my garage? A raccoon? Multiple raccoons? We need to get a dog or a cat or something. x Bradley — NOT BRADLEY REREADING ALL HER EMAILS ALL LOVESTRUCK AND MOONING ONLY TO REALIZE HE MISSED A PRETTY IMPORTANT ONE?! 😂

When you say ‘like a million’ do you actually mean a million or?— still wheezinggggg

You gotta send me a ppt on all this points stuff, you know math stresses me out.- plllsssssssss he is so funny! He’s pretty!

And you’ll do whatever I want, huh? Might have to send you a dossier of my own now…— a menaceeeeee (also I would like to see this dossier 🤭)

I’d say ‘sleep tight,’ but that’s a given considering you haven’t been fucked in a couple weeks. — 🫠🫠🫠

Bradley Bradshaw!! You did not just say that over a government email server! Imissyourcocksobadlyit’sdrivingmeinsane- miss ma’am is scandalized (but not) 😂 I imagine she’s been trying to behave but now? All bets are off with these two 😏

Oh, shut up. Shut me up— NO YOU SHUT UP WITH THIS RIGHT NOW GET OUTTTTTT AHHHHHHH

Funny though, isn’t it? How it’s totally opposite in the other side of our relationship? You tell me one thing, one idea and I take care of all of it? Bet it’s hard for you not having someone around to do that for you? Maybe next time we Facetime we can talk more about that? x —😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

Mary sends me some of the articles she gives her students and talks about the show she’s watching with your dad. Your dad mainly talks about you. It makes me wish my parents were still around to do this stuff with me.— oh I’m too fucking delicate for thisssss. My heart!! His ever growing family!

Bradley…you have someone who does that, too? He’s about 5’8” (on a good day), looks great in a leather jacket, and just spent about two hours last weekend cleaning your gutters and telling me about how you won your high school’s debate scholarship?? Like how could you not tell me that? It’s literally one of the hottest things I’ve heard about you!— THATS HIS DAD THATS HIS DAD THATS HIS DADDDDDDDDD

They taught us a trick to cut onions without crying and one of the other girls complimented my apron!- #girlssupportinggirls

Oh gee, I bet it’s just awful for you to have Mav around all the time. Knight in shining armor…//He’s not a bother!//Sounds like a cute little date! You’ll have to tell me how he is.//I’ll keep ya posted, bubs!— PLSSSSS THIS WILL NEVER NOT BE THE FUCKING FUNNIEST THING TO MEEEEEEEEEEE 😂😂😂 I love her oblivious little crush on Mav and Bradley absolutely being grumpy about it! He’s so precious!

YOU’RE FUCKING SHITTING ME?????— all caps thats my girl!

Don’t talk to me about the 1/24 deep dive into the Rocketman! I’m obsessed with everything about it!! Bradley loves his “clever girl”’s big brain and I do too!

*her calling him “client” INSPIRED! And on company time? ICONIC

[b.bradshaw_the rocket man_final paper.pdf]— I adore him

We could go to all my favorite restaurants and afternoon tea and for walks in all the parks. One day it’ll work out! — I need it

But then I remember the way you smiled at me when I got back to my seat that night and how proud of me you were and I think maybe I do deserve it? Plus, I also think of how goddamn gorgeous you looked all fucked out later that night. — from 🥹 to 🥵 in 3.5

Thank you for earlier. I don’t know, sometimes I just feel like I’m just too soft for all of this? Like I’m always trying to prove something to everyone and I get a little lost. Tell me something good? x— 😭😭😭

Sometimes I can’t believe we love each other this much, it feels like a dream  x//I can. Your Bradley — Jordan. JORDAN?! HAVE YOU NO CONSIDERATION FOR MY POOR HEART?!?!!!!!!

but it feels like you: soft and safe and warm x-💖

ps - can you send me another bottle?— Reuben is about to ask for a new rooming assignment 😂

How does that work though? Like genuinely? Do you jack off with Rueben in the top bunk? Or wait till he’s in the gym? I’ve been curious about this for a while now.//Now why would I ruin the mystery?//Bradley!!!!//Atta girl, that’s the spirit! Love you — D Y I N G O H M Y G O D D D D this is so properly funny!! WE ARE ALL DYING TO KNOW! Also he’s so fucking cheeky I can’ttttttttt!! These were the questions we needed answered on that 20/20 special dammit!

Though, I have been using my Theragun. Payback does my back if I do his in return.— AH THIS IS PRECIOUS

Awww sweetheart are you gonna sugar mama me again? — shut upppppppp screaming 😂😂 WHERE IS THE LIE

You’d come home to me whether it took twenty seconds or twenty years. You’d come home to me and I’d know you anywhere. I love you so much. — 😭💖😭💖😭💖

You know, one time, I pretended you were flying my plane. I know it’s kind of dumb and silly and a completely different type of plane, but it made me feel better because you’d never let anything happen to me. — sweetest girl 😭😭😭

Fuck it, on the way home just put the upgrade on your work card or put it on mine.— sweetest boy 😭😭😭

I love them I love them I love them

Bradley Bradshaw! You absolute SAP! HOW!?! Did you conspire with my dad again? Thank you for the flowers! I’m going to have the biggest smile on my face all day. I love you and hope this is the first of a lifetime of Valentine’s Days together. Always x - MY HEART MY ANGELS MY BABES

(I was going to ask Max, but he’d probably swap it for something ugly and cheap and keep the change…kidding (not))- ROAST HIM

Maybe you could cook for me on our next Facetime? — oh this is so so sweet!! How dare you keep some of this from meeeeee! I AM TOO SOFT FOR ALL OF THIS. Next Halloween they are SO going as Ina and Jeffery 💖

Ehhh I’m not too worried about the closet thing. But if you keep buying me clothes we might have a problem.— he’s her lifesized Ken doll

Sometimes I do it wrong on purpose so you’ll put your arms around me and I can feel the rumble of your voice. Would we call that weaponized incompetence?— I LOVE HER

It’s only weaponized incompetence if the other person minds. I, however, do not mind. — 🤭

And I made sure to put your new coat in my carry on - I don’t trust British Airways not to lose it! - Sauvagé

God, I want to ravish you, you sounded so fucking smart. You know like half the country is going to be in love with you now, right? — REDDIT AND TWITTER ARE ALREADY POPPING OFF! I can hear the key smashes!!

Sorry it took me a bit to respond, things have been getting a bit crazy, you know, now that I’m a celebrity and all? — that man does not need a big head, he’s already full of himself enough with that big co—

Sometimes I wonder if you were here what would you do? Hold me? Love me? I never feel small except when I’m in your arms. x— THIS ONE THIS ONE THIS ONE, this one has stuck with me ever since you sent me the snippet of it ages ago! She’s so tender! That’s soft heart!

Some nights in bed, if I try really hard, I can imagine I’m laying down next to you. And it makes everything just a little easier.— just me wailing it’s cool it’s fine I’m just weeping and don’t expect to ever stop

I literally cannot comment on the 3/01 emails, HAVE FUCKING MERCY

*In our bed, in our house, after you make me dinner in our kitchen.— NO COMMENT🫡‼️

pretty girl//my gorgeous girl- 🥰🥰🥰

Especially since I’m sure she’s going to have wonderful time in New York with my brother 🙄 and I’ll have to hear all about it next time I talk to him. — THOSE PUNK ASS BITCHES

3/10 3/10 3/10 I’ll never get over her dream and how she expresses that to him. Oh my god. The emotional intimacy and the yearning and the tenderness of it all. GIL 💖

But if I checked it earlier, my day would’ve been a lot easier on my heart. — and he’s so delicate too, their openness with each other?! Oh how they’ve grown!!

3/12-3/13 🫡🫡🫡🫡😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨🫠🫠🫠🫠🥵🥵🥵🥵💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

I’ve read your email seven times since you sent it. I’ve thought about it constantly. I want you to take me softly and slowly that first time. But after that? I can’t wait to let go and float. Love you so much x)— BLESSSSSSS

As is, I had to type that last one with one hand. - ONE HANDED FODDER

03/18 @ 11:11pm— THE FINAL EMAIL THE TIME STAMP SHES MAKING THAT WISH TO SEE HER MAN THE NEXT DAY AND HOW CONVENIENT ITS COMING TRUE 🥰

I have no words. This fic is so special and so lovely!! I’ll never get over it! Bravo Jordan! I can’t wait to see what’s in store for them! 💖

rocketman: part i - it's just my job five days a week

Summary: in which lieutenant commander bradshaw is on a three month special detachment in the pacific and the holidays have never felt lonelier for either of you. it's just three months, it'll be fine, right?

OR you and bradley write each other 159 emails

Pairing: Rooster x Fem!Reader 11.8k

Warnings: 18+, explicit language, suggestive dialogue, bradley needs to remember this is a government email server...(okay yes, i am perfectly aware that our esteemed lieutenant commander would probably get kicked out of the navy for some of these emails…that being said, i also don’t particularly care! we’re playing fast and loose with the time stamps too because i may be smart, but math has never been a strong suit of mine!) enjoy the companion playlist! rest of the series can be found here!

12/17 @ 6:19am

I miss you already and I haven’t even left the parking lot. I’m still in my car typing this after having stayed for probably far too long watching your C-40 take off (like people were staring at me I was there so long)(and, yes, I looked up the name of the plane). Pete asked me if I wanted to get breakfast with him, but I said no. Felt too lost. Plus, I need to get ready for work. We’re going to get dinner on Wednesday before I head up to Berkeley Thursday morning, though!

Hope you have a safe transport and settle onboard quickly. I left you something in your duffle bag (yes, it’s safe to open around other people…head out of the gutter, Bradshaw).

Love you and stay safe, x

12/18 @ 5:46pm 

Just dropped off the gifts at the Junior League for Caroline’s adopt a child thing. She was completely in her element (they gave her a clipboard and a bullhorn!), though she did say we went wayyy too over the top. But little Carter asked for all that stuff! We couldn’t just not get it all for him? She also appreciated your wrapping skills, very impressed with the bows and tight corners. I met a couple of her friends there, which was nice and they invited me to stay for drinks (the prosecco was flowing…), but I wanted to head home. 

I miss you so much already, it feels weird not going over to your place after work and making dinner and prepping lunch together - and it’s only been two days. I know you’re on a comms blackout for the next couple days, so I’m just gonna keep sending these so you’ll have a bunch to read all at once.

All my love, x

12/19 @ 11:48am

My brother and Lauren decided to come out here for Christmas after all! My dad was so excited when he called me, but I think Mary’s a little less enthused. Feels like shit knowing we were the backup option for them. Apparently, Lauren’s mom is sick and the whole house is in disarray (not hard in that family…) so my dad is paying for them to fly in from New York tomorrow. I think it’ll be nice, we’ll almost have a full set (baring you, of course, my darling rocketman), so the house won’t be as lonely. Do you think we’ll get to talk on Christmas or Christmas Eve? You should be getting a package soon (‘twas preemptively sent!) and are under strict orders not to open it until Christmas Eve, buddy!

Going to dinner with Pete tonight, I’ll let you know how it goes. Amelia’s coming with us, but I don’t know about Penny? I hope they like the gifts we got them. I’m going to stop by your place, do a once over, and make sure the tree is ready for Pete to take, etc. before I leave on Thursday.

Love you and talk soon! x

12/20 @ 7:03am

House looked good! In my seat on the plane. If my morals were shakier, I would 1000% have taken Max up on his offer to fly me up to Berkeley. But alas! Climate change is real and private jets account for 20x as many carbon emissions as commercial planes, so I am up at the ass-crack of dawn for this 7:15am flight. I’ll message you when I land, love you!

12/20 @ 9:04am

Just landed - easy flight. Now to find my dad in arrivals…

Love you, talk when you get the chance! x

12/23 @ 4:45am

Hey sweetheart! Back online and all settled in. I’m bunking with Payback and we actually have a pretty decent layout. He graciously offered to give me the bottom bunk, due to my ‘geriatric status.’ Honestly, I’m just glad I don’t have to sleep in the bunk room with the ensigns and rest of the crew. I forgot how noisy it is being on an aircraft carrier, which makes Payback’s snoring surprisingly pleasant. I’m glad he and Bob are with me. The rest of this squadron’s from Lemoore and Bob knows some of them. It’s interesting seeing him and Payback fly together, but they mesh really well.

Glad Mav is there to keep an eye on you. 

Okay, I had way too much fun picking out all those presents, so I really hope Carter loves them too. And please tell me you have a picture of Caroline yelling into the bullhorn? I can truly think of nothing scarier than Caroline Calloway ordering the young women of San Diego county around like Santa’s chief elf. And speaking of gifts, I loved my pictures. The one from the Christmas party is my favorite, did Fanboy take it? I saw him running around with his Pentax. When the hell did you have time to print it? I’ve got it hanging up in my bunk so I can see it every night. 

I still don’t understand why you don’t fly into Oakland instead of SFO? Like I get it, you’re not a Spirit or SW girl, but kid….it’s an hour and forty minute flight? Live a little. And I think it’ll be nice having your brother and Lauren around for Christmas. How many people do you think it’ll be? I always loved seeing Christmas Eves with large families in movies and stuff, all the chaos and whatnot? But it’s just gonna be you five Christmas Day? I’ve heard rumblings that I might be first in line for a Facetime on Christmas Eve, so save some time for me too, kid. I’ll let you know for sure in a couple days. 

Okay, think we’re all caught up now. Talk soon and love you so much,

Your Bradley

12/23 @ 9:08am

Bubs! I read your email four times since I woke up, I can’t stop smiling. I’m glad you’re all settled in - Payback’s snoring and ageism aside haha. How’s the food? Do you want earplugs? A sleep mask? Are earplugs allowed for sleeping? What if you need to get up right away and you can’t hear? I could send you a white noise machine? Or is there a fear of hacking with that? I should’ve done more research on this before you left. Tell me if you need anything, I’ll send it out express! Oh, I’m just so happy to hear from you. Keep me posted!

Lots of love, x

12/23 @ 8:53pm

You and me, hot date tomorrow night at 11:45pst - don’t be late. (And look cute.)

Your Bradley

12/23 @ 8:55pm

I’ll be there 😉 Love you, x

12/25 @ 9:56am

Bradley Bradshaw you absolute sneak! How on Earth did you pull a Christmas miracle off!?! Mary said she had no clue, so I’m extremely impressed you got my dad to keep that secret!? I was totally not expecting another present from you? The cooking lessons and apron were more than enough - to say nothing about moving in together!?! I love the bracelet so much, you have no idea. I started crying when I opened it! Mary took a video, which I’m sure she’ll send you. God, Bradley? You didn’t have to do that! It’s perfect, it’s like we’re locked together. I’m gonna wear it everyday. Please email me later if you get the chance! 

(Also, Lauren looked really jealous 😉 my brother was sweating)

Love you and Merry Christmas Rocketman! x

12/25 @ 11:38am

Ummm, not sure what you’re talking about, kid? That sounds like something Santa would do? Probably heard about how good you’ve been this year? x

12/25 @ 11:40am

Thank you, I love it so much and wish I could give you the biggest hug and kiss right now. I’ll have an extra slice of babka for you tonight, talk soon and Merry Christmas, Bradley! Love you x

12/27 @ 4:49am

I miss sleeping next to you. Whenever I can’t sleep, I think about the way you looked at me in the living room after our Christmas party. You looked so happy and I hate that I have to leave you for all our firsts. First Christmas, first New Year’s, first Valentine’s Day. And god, sweetheart, you’re so fucking gorgeous it makes me want to lose my mind sometimes. Always thinking about you, Bradley 

12/27 @ 8:38am

I miss sleeping next to you, too (especially since your body is like a furnace and you hold me close when I get cold). And I know you being away during the holidays is hard, but look at it this way - we’ll just have our firsts next year. Next year will be our first Christmas, first New Year’s, first Valentine’s Day together, not an ocean apart. We have all the time in the world, rocketman. Love you today and every day x

12/29 @ 6:02pm

There’s already so many things I’m dying to tell you and stories about the squadron we’re teaming up with, but the Navy will have my ass if I give away too many details so I’m just going to leave it at this: are we sure Max doesn’t have a twin on another continent? Take that as you will. What’re your plans for New Year’s? Your Bradley

12/30 @ 9:20am

Sorry for the delayed response! A minor issue with my brother and my dad that I won’t bore you with had the whole house in a tizzy. Thankfully, he and Lauren are gone even though my dad still won’t tell me what the issue was? Anyway! God, I wish I could hear more about Max’s twin? I am honestly kind of scared about knowing there’s a Max doppelgänger in the Navy (jokes!). For New Year’s, I’m going to this party with Mary and dad in the city, it’s at this fancy venue and I have a cute black dress! It’s very different for me and I wish you were here to see it! I’ll have to wear it again. Message me when it’s the New Year your time! Love you! x

01/01 @ 12:09am

Happy New Year, sweetheart! They had a little party for the officers - we even got cake and Bob snuck me and Payback seconds somehow. It’s always the quiet ones you gotta look out for. You absolutely need to send me pictures of you in that dress, I can’t wait to see it on you in person someday. Hope you have a great time with your dad and Mary, give them my best. Love you and again Happy New Year! 

Your Bradley

01/01 @ 12:01am

Happy New Year, Bradley!!! You got cake!! You broke some rules! I approve! Milk them for all the cake they’re worth! I’ll send some pics of the three of us and one just for you big boy 😉 Talk soon and love you so so much! x

01/01 @ 10:59am

Had a late start! Here are the pics from last night! Try and sneak some more cake xx

[mary_and_dad_being_annoying.jpg]

[me.jpg]

01/02 @ 6:12am

You know you labeled the pictures wrong…luckily no one was behind me…

01/02 @ 9:04am

Who? Me? I would NEVER! (Just trying to keep you on your toes.) Hope the flying is going well and you’re staying safe, B! Love you!

01/03 @ 8:00pm

Yeah, it’s going well. It’s so different flying on the open ocean after so long? Last time was in September when I went to Hong Kong. The desert is cool, don’t get me wrong, but seeing the clouds and the water together is unreal. The pink and purple clouds remind me of you (sorry, that was lame). You still gotta let me take you up, kid. I’ve heard Mav is trying to convince you, but you gotta let me be the one. Can’t trust just anyone with my girl. Love B

01/04 @ 10:13am

Bradley…he’s practically your father, I’m pretty sure you can trust him to take me up in a plane, you silly boy. Not that I’m saying you won’t be my first…but come on! And it’s not lame. I like that the pink and purple clouds remind you of me. Every time I see a plane I send a little call out for your safety. Gotta keep you safe, rocketman! Talk soon and love you! x

01/06 @ 4:45pm

My parents just dropped me off at the airport and no matter how many times I leave them, I always cry. I think the only time I didn’t cry when I left their house was when you were with me over Thanksgiving. You always make it better, bubs.

They’re coming down in a couple weeks to help me start packing, anything in the house you wouldn’t want them to see while dropping off boxes? I can still bring my old bed, etc for the guest room, right?

All my love, x

01/06 @ 9:58pm

I think I get that, having you around this time makes it different. I’ve never had anyone to really write to while I’ve been away before. Sure, I talked to my grandparents when they were still around and my aunts and uncles, Nat, Ice, and a couple others, but not like this. And I don’t ever want to not feel like this again. 

I’m an open book, kid. Ain’t got nothing to hide. And yeah, anything like that feel free to bring with you for the guest room or office. It was the bed, nightstands, and dresser and then your couch for the office, yeah? We can get new bedding and pillows for it if you want? I’m on comms blackout for a couple days, so message me whenever you want so I can read them all when we’re back online.

Your Bradley

01/06 @ 10:07pm

Perfect! Love you and stay safe, rocketman.

01/06 @ 10:09pm

Love you too, kid.

01/09 @ 6:11pm

Bradley, I don’t mean to alarm you, but there was a raccoon in your garage! Scratch that, a FAMILY of raccoons!??! I’m sure Mr Harrington was ready to call the cops when he heard my scream. They’re so cute, but also terrifying at the same time? So, I called Pete and he came right over, a true knight in shining armor! Amelia and I did a THOROUGH sweep of the house to make sure they were relegated to the garage. Pete got them out safe and sound with a random tennis racket and your 4 iron, but somebody’s coming tomorrow to check on how they got in there. And I know they aren’t hurting anyone, but I just don’t want there to be any issues later on? (The babies were actually so cute and reminded me of my cat growing up, Porter.) Anyway! Enough drama for tonight, I hope that gets a laugh out of you - talk soon!

Love you! x

01/10 @ 8:05am

Well, the exterminator got here around 7:30 and sprayed all this stuff and blocked the hole in the crawl space of the garage. He showed me pictures and let me tell you, there was quite the nest up there. These raccoons were living large over the holidays. 

01/12 @ 5:21pm

Okay! I’m in the parking lot, waiting for my first cooking class to start. Is it weird I’m a little nervous? I hope everyone else’s skill level is similar, I don’t like feeling behind. I brought my new apron, ironed it and everything. I feel a little like Ina Garten, isn’t she just divine? Okay, okay, I’m going in now! I’ll let you know how it goes! Thanks again for getting me these xx

01/12 @ 7:03pm

I feel so tired? Like my hand cramped a little bit? We started off the class with knife skills, which we’re going to do every week and then made this “simple” egg dish, which was NOT simple and I overcooked the egg. Ina would be so disappointed. Alas! Onto next week. Love you!

01/15 @ 9:12pm

Bradley you’re not going to BELIEVE what just happened on Succession. My heart is POUNDING? Do you think if I called and asked really nicely the Navy would get an HBO subscription for everyone? That is what I would like my tax dollars to go towards. Can you get me a direct line to someone in charge please? Love you!

01/16 @ 7:47am

Not to worry my little Barefoot Contessa, I have returned back to civilization (ie the internet), though am dismayed to have missed this mind blowing Succession episode? Has Perry Mason started back up again or will we be able to watch that together? 

Bob and I were in the gym earlier and he almost dropped a dumbbell on my foot, I swear my life flashed before my eyes. But I had a new PR on the bench press today, up to 285 pounds. Glad the cooking lesson went well though! What’s the class makeup like? x Bradley 

01/16 @ 9:04am

I’m glad you’re back online and safe! Perry Mason has not started yet, though I’m still certain you’re the only person under the age of 55 that watches it (I guess I should say we’re the only people under the age of 55 that watch it, but whatever). You’ve also missed a couple Top Chef episodes, but we can always binge this season later. 

There’s about 12 of us in the class and it’s pretty evenly split? Though there’s tragically this really annoying couple who were at the station next to me. I hope we get to change next week, I don’t think I can watch them feed each other food another week. 

And I’m still waiting for that direct line to the Navy, Bradshaw! Love you! x

01/1 6 @ 6:59pm

Wait, wait, how did I miss there? There was a WHAT in my garage? A raccoon? Multiple raccoons? We need to get a dog or a cat or something. x Bradley 

01/18 @ 7:02am

Bradley!! I know we talked about a trip once you got home (provided you still feel up for it with the transition and all), what if we went here? I was talking about our tentative plans with my dad and Mary before I went back to San Diego and they went to Punta Mita this past fall and LOVED it! What do you think? Love you!

01/18 @ 6:03pm

Holy shit! That looks absolutely amazing, yes I’d love to go! Can we afford that though? It looks expensive? xBradley

01/18 @ 6:05pm

YAY!! Ahh, I’m so excited you have no idea! I want to hug and kiss you so bad right now! We can fly for free since I have a bunch of AA points (thank you pwc) and then I have like a million Amex points, so it’s not full price!! 

01/18 @ 6:12pm

When you say ‘like a million’ do you actually mean a million or?

01/18 @ 6:14pm

Yes! I’ve had this card for like 15 years! My whole family does the pooling on it! It’s a drop in the bucket, promise! Plus, I always use my other card for work and that has a whole bunch of Bonvoy points on it, too. We could stay at one of those? I think there’s a St Regis next door?

01/18 @ 6:22pm

Sweetheart, I want to go, I just don’t want you to waste all those points on this. 

01/18 @ 6:26pm

What if we go for 6 nights instead of 9? Maybe no plunge pool? Or we could pay cash instead? And then I could get 6x the points from paying that way? So, really….the points just keep accumulating, we’ve got to use them sometime! The points can pay for the flights and the hotel and then we can split the room charges and incidentals 50:50?

Will you think about it? You don’t have to give me an answer right away and we can always pick another hotel? But if we want to go someplace in late March/early April, I think we should book soon with spring break and all? Not that I imagine many coeds will be staying at the Four Seasons, but you never know…

01/18 @ 6:33pm

You gotta send me a ppt on all this points stuff, you know math stresses me out. And no, I don’t think many coeds will be staying at the Four Seasons, kid. 

01/18 @ 6:37pm

Can I send you a dossier with everything!?! Even if you say no to that I’m doing it anyway ;) just promise me you’ll think about it, please? I’ll do whatever you want, Bradley <3

01/18 @ 6:40pm

Yes, please send the dossier my way henceforth, Moneypenny. 

And you’ll do whatever I want, huh? Might have to send you a dossier of my own now…

(But yes, I promise I’ll seriously consider everything. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to spend all this money to make me happy. I’d say we’d both be happy camping out on the beach, but I think that might be a security issue down there, plus neither of us like camping - anyway, you know what I mean.)

01/18 @ 6:43pm

Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw!! Is this a dossier for my eyes only? What will M say!? I’ll send you mine if you send me yours?

(But seriously, thank you! I’ll send you more specifics tomorrow - like pricing and whatnot - and you can take a couple days to think it over. And thank you for clarifying the camping thing, I was worried for a second there.)

I love you so much rocketman and we’ll talk (email) tomorrow 

x Moneypenny 

01/18 @ 6:46pm

I’d say ‘sleep tight,’ but that’s a given considering you haven’t been fucked in a couple weeks. 

(Perfect, I genuinely am really excited about it, just want to make sure it works out for us both.)

Love you so much, kid 

Your Bradley

01/18 @ 6:58pm

Bradley Bradshaw!! You did not just say that over a government email server! 

Imissyourcocksobadlyit’sdrivingmeinsane

01/18 @ 7:01pm

Couldn’t help it. Plus, we both know it’s true. 

01/18 @ 7:04pm

Oh, shut up. Shut me up

01/18 @ 11:43pm

I’m sorry if I came off too strong about planning earlier, I might’ve gotten a little carried away and been a little too eager about planning something five days after you’re home from a three month detachment. If at any time before you come home or even right after you come home you don’t feel up to the trip, please please please tell me. I want to do something nice for you and give you a chance to truly relax, but I’d hate for it to come at a price. So, just let me know, okay? Say the word and we’ll push it, alright? I don’t exactly know what you’re going through, but tell me if it’s ever too much. I’ll always be here, promise. Love you x

[dossier_for_your_eyes_only.ppt]

01/19 @ 8:29am

Kid, no. I promise I’ll tell you. You know I love how excited you get planning things. I think I like it so much because you take care of it all. Sure, you ask for my opinion and what I want, but I just have to tell you one thing, one idea and you take care of it. 

Funny though, isn’t it? How it’s totally opposite in the other side of our relationship? You tell me one thing, one idea and I take care of all of it? Bet it’s hard for you not having someone around to do that for you? Maybe next time we Facetime we can talk more about that? x B

01/19 @ 10:11am

Luckily, I have a very creative imagination, Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw. 

See right now, I’m in my office, sitting at my desk, feeling so overwhelmed. It almost hurts how overwhelmed and frustrated I am. And you bust down the door, hair windswept like you’d flown to Del Mar, and you have that slutty flight suit on and I don’t even mind that you’re sweaty and gross. You smell absolutely divine and I rake my hands through your hair as you eat me out underneath my glass desk. I get a conference call, but you don’t stop the entire time. You like how squirmy and fussy I get, I can’t focus on the deliverable I’m working on for the client. You like that I can’t control myself, that I squeeze my thighs around your head. Eventually, you can’t take it anymore, your cock is aching so badly, and you need to fuck me on top of my desk. You’re so strong it almost breaks. You fuck me so good everyone in the office can hear me crying out for you. 

(actually, I’m on the couch, watching college football, but it’s more fun to imagine you fucking me in my office - see, creative imagination! Make sure you get a quiet room for that Facetime...)

Love x

01/19 @ 7:29pm

You think you’re funny, huh? You have any more of those thoughts, feel free to send them my way. ‘m taking out that picture you gave me for Christmas right now. How you taking care of yourself? My imagination isn’t as creative as yours. B

01/19 @ 7:40pm

Guess you’ll have to wait for our next Facetime…

x

01/20 @ 4:24pm

Your dad and Mary write me emails, you know. They aren’t as good correspondents as you are (for how could they possibly be, my dear?), but they check in about once a week or so. Mary sends me some of the articles she gives her students and talks about the show she’s watching with your dad. Your dad mainly talks about you. It makes me wish my parents were still around to do this stuff with me. Just checking in and writing emails and bragging about me to my girlfriend? How was yesterday’s class?

Your Bradley

01/20 @ 5:39m

I didn’t know they wrote you that often and I’m beyond embarrassed that my dad talks about me that much? But come on, Bradley…you have someone who does that, too? He’s about 5’8” (on a good day), looks great in a leather jacket, and just spent about two hours last weekend cleaning your gutters and telling me about how you won your high school’s debate scholarship?? Like how could you not tell me that? It’s literally one of the hottest things I’ve heard about you!

Class was good! They taught us a trick to cut onions without crying and one of the other girls complimented my apron! We’re doing meats next week, cutting, marinating, cooking, etc. and I’m excited!

01/20 @ 5:42pm

Oh gee, I bet it’s just awful for you to have Mav around all the time. Knight in shining armor…

01/20 @ 5:48pm

He’s not a bother! And it’s not all the time! We’re actually going to get lunch together on Saturday! It’s this new place on the water.

01/20 @ 5:50pm

Sounds like a cute little date! You’ll have to tell me how he is. Love you so much B

01/20 @ 5:55pm

I’ll keep ya posted, bubs! Love you!

01/22 @ 10:01am

Breaking news, kid. Your esteemed, naval aviator boyfriend is going to be on 60 Minutes at the end of February. Totally came out of left field, but I couldn’t say anything until they finished filming. It’s about the Navy in the Pacific and “the lost art of shipbuilding.” They even rigged up a camera on my plane and everything, it was so cool. I’ve been dying to tell you, but again couldn’t say anything until it was official. I probably won’t be on it long since they interviewed the Admiral and Pac Fleet Commander for most of it, but yeah, Payback and Bob and I will be on with my girl Norah. I made sure I had enough sunscreen on so I was camera ready at all times. Love you B

01/22 @ 10:09am

YOU’RE FUCKING SHITTING ME????? Oh my god, Bradley! That’s amazing! Margie even ran into my office to see what made me shriek! I am TOTALLY having a viewing party! Oh my god, how do you think it went? Did they get your good side? What about hair and makeup? I know you get helmet hair, bubs. 

Seriously, so so excited and proud of you, Bradley! I’m going to make my dad and Mary come down for it! She doesn’t teach on Mondays, so this is perfect for them to stay over Sunday night! But now don’t go letting all that fame get to your head, Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw 😉 Love you so much x

01/24 @ 12:17pm

Rocketman - 

I was sitting at my desk earlier and listening to some music before my 12:30 meeting and Elton John’s Rocket Man popped up on my shuffle. Obviously, as you are my rocketman, I always think of you whenever I hear it, but today the lyrics really scratched that special part of my brain, so I did a deep dive into the song’s origins. 

Please note, I’m including this time in my billable hours to the client (re. you). My findings are as follows:

Bernie Taupin was inspired by a Ray Bradbury story written in 1951 titled ‘The Rocket Man’ - not drugs as the urban legend states! Drugs! Imagine!

Bradbury’s ‘The Rocket Man’ was first published in Maclean’s, a weekly Canadian magazine, before it was published in the short story collection ‘The Illustrated Man’ that same year

‘The Illustrated Man’ later was made into a film, though ‘The Rocket Man’ story was notably absent

Some of more popular and renowned stories from the collection include ‘The Veldt’ and ‘The Long Rain,’ the latter of which is commonly read in high school honors English

Was client in honors English? Please confirm in follow up correspondence

Client has mentioned extensive library resources at disposal - perhaps he can check this collection out on his next visit? But for now, an executive summary has been provided:

With space travel more commonplace in society, Doug’s father, an astronaut, is sent on frequent, three- month journeys into space

Despite missing his dad, Doug also longs to be a Rocket Man, though his mother frequently prevails on Doug to beg his father to stay on Earth and be with the family

“What’s it like, out in space?” Mother shot me a frightened glance. It was too late. Dad stood there for a full half minute trying to find an answer, then he shrugged.“It’s the best thing in a lifetime of best things.” Then he caught himself. “Oh, it’s really nothing at all. Routine. You wouldn’t like it.” He looked at me, apprehensively. “But you always go back.” “Habit.”

The father finds that his work is ruining his life, but the draw of the stars is too great: "You don’t know what it is. Every time I’m out there I think, if I ever get back to Earth I’ll stay there; I’ll never go out again. But I got out, and I guess I’ll always go out.”

Even while on vacation with the family, having Thanksgiving dinner, or sitting on the back porch, the father’s eyes are always on the sky…

Doug’s father begs him to not be like him, to not be a rocket man, but what happens when his father goes on one last journey to the stars?

Through much reflection, I have decided that ‘The Rocket Man’ was written about you - and your mom and your dad and me and on and on until there is no longer a need for Rocket Men - or the rocket man simply stops and breaks the cycle

You are both the Rocket Man and the little boy, forever waiting for his father to come home from space

The allure of flying, of being a ‘rocket man,’ is both too great and too sad for you to ignore

None of this is to say the rocket man is selfish, no. He simply cannot resist the temptation. He knows nothing other than the thrill and peace of being amongst the stars

And his mother shielding Doug from the sun at the end is like your mom asking Mav to pull your papers, she does it to save him, but it cannot keep him from becoming his father

Needless to say - I had to postpone my 12:30 meeting until tomorrow as my eyes were far too puffy and any word I tried to say felt like cotton in my mouth.

I miss you and I love you - your ‘Lilly’  

01/24 @ 8:22pm

Fuck - I love you so much. My clever girl.

01/24 @ 8:28pm

I pour my heart out to you and that’s all you have to say, rocketman? ‘Fuck - I love you so much’

(of course, I also love you so much, my clever boy.)

01/24 @ 8:30pm

Darling - it’s going to take me a little longer to come up with any commentary you deem appropriate, so for the sake of time, yes. I gotta read this story in full. I’ll be at the library at my earliest convenience. ‘The client’ will send an annotated copy with his notes henceforth.

01/24 @ 8:32pm

Of course, sweet boy. Goodnight, I love you so much. x

01/25 @ 11:44am

As promised, my darling girl. Love you.

[b.bradshaw_the rocket man_final paper.pdf]

01/25 @ 7:14pm

Oh Bradley! I love you so much, rocketman. Yes, I couldn’t have said it better. Yours x

01/26 @ 10:39am

Bradley! They’re sending me to London in February for two weeks! I even get a swanky corporate apartment for the stay. I wish you could come with me - even if it was just for a long weekend? We could go to all my favorite restaurants and afternoon tea and for walks in all the parks. One day it’ll work out! 

But tragedy of all tragedies! I just realized I’m going to miss a couple cooking lessons when I’m in London! I already emailed the instructor before today’s class and she said there’s other classes throughout the week that are behind us, so I can make it up with them! Ahhh I’m so excited! Talk soon, love you!

01/26 @ 11:13pm

I didn’t realize how nervous I was about the trip until I went to bed tonight. It’ll be my first trip abroad since I got my promotion in November. Plus, it’s a completely different client than my last trip abroad and I’ve only met one person on this new London team before. Sometimes I go into these meetings and still feel like a little kid? I’m always the youngest person in the room and normally the only woman and on one hand, that’s cool? But sometimes I feel like someone’s daughter instead of their colleague? Like these guys are my dad’s age? And they’re actually supposed to listen to what I have to say about their company? Do you ever feel like that? Like you don’t really belong, despite knowing you’ve earned your place? I wish you were beside me right now. My bed feels way too big tonight. Love you.

01/27 @ 7:48am

Sweetheart! I am so unbelievably proud of you! That’s amazing! You gotta celebrate, go out to dinner with Caro and Darcy, maybe even Nat! I know you’ve been working so hard these last couple of weeks, you absolutely deserve this. I can’t say I know exactly what you’re going through, but yes. I have absolutely felt like I haven’t belonged or deserved something despite having ‘checked off all the boxes.’ I felt that way when I got promoted to LC and when I got that award in October. Everytime I see it on my uniform, I feel a bit like a faker? Like do I really deserve this? But then I remember the way you smiled at me when I got back to my seat that night and how proud of me you were and I think maybe I do deserve it? Plus, I also think of how goddamn gorgeous you looked all fucked out later that night. 

And please note, I would happily slip into bed alongside you, especially since my bed feels way too small tonight. Love you, Bradley

01/27 @ 10:56am

Thank you for earlier. I don’t know, sometimes I just feel like I’m just too soft for all of this? Like I’m always trying to prove something to everyone and I get a little lost. Tell me something good? x

01/27 @ 7:01pm

How about this? Every time I go up in the sky and see the way the sun hits the clouds, I think of you. I’ve never wanted to be with someone as much as I want to be with you. I love you so much, kid

Your Bradley 

01/27 @ 7:06pm

Sometimes I can’t believe we love each other this much, it feels like a dream  x

01/27 @ 7:11pm

I can. Your Bradley 

01/30 @ 7:08am

i slept in one of your shirts last night. it doesn’t smell like you anymore, but it feels like you: soft and safe and warm x

01/30 @ 7:23am

Well I spray my pillowcase with your perfume whenever I miss you so I guess we’re even

Your Bradley

ps - can you send me another bottle?

01/30 @ 7:34am

You’re already out? What sort of illicit behavior are you engaging in with that perfume bottle? 

01/30 @ 10:33pm

I burrow my face in my pillow so I can smell it while I fist my cock, why? What’d you have in mind?

01/30 @ 10:37pm

How does that work though? Like genuinely? Do you jack off with Rueben in the top bunk? Or wait till he’s in the gym? I’ve been curious about this for a while now. What about the showers? Is it like an open floor plan thing? Or are there stalls? Is there a Zillow listing for this aircraft carrier?

01/30 @ 10:41pm

Now why would I ruin the mystery? 

01/30 @ 10:43pm

Bradley!!!!

01/30 @ 10:44pm

Atta girl, that’s the spirit! Love you 

02/02 @ 6:30pm

I am so sick of going to the gym. It seems like it’s all Payback and I do lately. We got this new workout regime that’s been killing me - don’t say it’s because I’m old. Though, I have been using my Theragun. Payback does my back if I do his in return. It was only awkward the first time he turned it on too hard and yelped (please tell everyone that). 

02/02 @ 6:46pm

Oh, so you and Rueben Theragun each other, huh? Say more Lieutenant Commander!

02/04 @ 2:45pm

Going to Pete and Penny’s in a bit to watch the Super Bowl! Max is at the game, apparently his golf buddy Jimmy G hooked him up, though he neglected to bring me or Caroline. I feel like you would’ve been his first choice, so take that as a compliment I suppose. Do you guys do anything onboard for it? I have $350 on the 49ers winning by 3. Have a lovely day my darling boy x

02/04 @ 9:30pm

Guess who’s as snug as a bug on a rug in her bed AND $1400 dollars richer? That would be me! When you get home we’re going to Juniper and Ivy, my treat, bubs! x

02/06 @ 4:57am

Awww sweetheart are you gonna sugar mama me again? 

02/06 @ 7:03am

You do know the only reason you’re getting away with that is because there’s an ocean between us, right? 

02/06 @ 6:00pm

Sorry, couldn’t resist! Love you! B

02/06 @ 6:10pm

You’re lucky I love you so much. x

02/08 @ 9:58pm

Can you imagine if I was gone for 20 years?

02/08 @ 10:11pm

Bradley that’s not funny 

02/08 @ 10:13pm

It’s not supposed to be. I’m reading the Odyssey and it got me thinking. 

02/08 @ 10:16pm

Bradley I love you something awful, but you are such an old man sometimes. 

Are you going through some sort of midlife crisis reading the Odyssey while you’re at sea?? Is the Old Man and the Sea next?

(ps i love the thought of you reading in your bunk in your spare time and being so struck by something composed thousands of years ago that you have to email me)

02/08 @ 10:20pm

They wait 20 years to get back to each other - practically half their lives. They miss so many things and barely knew each other before he left, but they’re still so - I don’t even know? They’re just so intent on getting back to the other in Odysseus’s case? While Penelope makes sure there’s something for him to come back to? And I must’ve read this stanza ten times before I had to email you: 

"...the gods cast me upon Ogygia, Calypso's island, home of the dangerous sea nymph with glossy braids, and the goddess took me in in all her kindness, welcomed me warmly, cherished me, even vowed to make me immortal, ageless, all my days - but she never won the heart inside me, never" 

And I know it’s not a perfect comparison or parallel, but I read that last bit and I couldn’t help but think of you? And how you’re the one who won my heart and it’s always going to be that way. Whether I see you in twenty seconds or twenty years.

02/08 @ 10:23pm

You’d come home to me whether it took twenty seconds or twenty years. You’d come home to me and I’d know you anywhere. I love you so much. 

02/08 @ 10:58pm

“Now help me, please, to get back home, and quickly! I miss my family. I have been gone so long it hurts.” 

Your Bradley

02/09 @ 7:03pm

At the airport for London! Taking off! And I may or may not have used points to upgrade to a Club World seat…but like? It’s a nonstop flight, so it’s okay, right? Work’s already paying for business class? It’s points from my work card? It’ll be fine, right?

I had to take an ativan in the lounge. I just hate that I still get so nervous whenever I fly long distance? I fly all the time, I shouldn’t be like this? You know, one time, I pretended you were flying my plane. I know it’s kind of dumb and silly and a completely different type of plane, but it made me feel better because you’d never let anything happen to me. 

Anyway, we’re book buddies!! I went to the bookstore a couple days ago and got a copy! I read the Odyssey back in high school, but forgot so much. I was reading in the lounge and this part made me think of you:

“...this lovely house, my marriage home, so full of wealth and life, which I suppose I will remember even in my dreams.”

I’ll text you when I land my darling boy, love you x

02/10 @ 6:02am

You gotta squeeze every last bit of your per diem out of pwc. You’ve been working way too hard lately. Fuck it, on the way home just put the upgrade on your work card or put it on mine. Have a safe (rest of your) flight - maybe one day you’ll let me take you up. Love Bradley 

02/10 @ 10:08am

Just landed and on my way to the office (already…)

I thought of you as I read and stared out the window on the plane. I could pretend I’m flying towards you, rather than further away. I can’t imagine how you feel doing this everyday, but I imagine it’s like feeling limitless, like everything is in front of you, there for the taking. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll let you take me up one day. 

I’ll keep you posted on how everything’s going if you do the same. All my love x

02/12 @ 5:49am

How’s it going, kid? They working you too hard? You’re in London! Try to enjoy it, you deserve it. One of the guys I’m with gave me a restaurant recommendation for you, said the drinks were amazing, his wife loved it. Do something fun while you’re there! And send me some pictures dammit!

Love you, 

Bradley 

02/12 @ 8:22am

Bradley! It’s been so so crazy here! I feel like I haven’t stopped since I landed. My ‘flat’ is so cute and right by the client’s offices, so it’s an easy commute. I feel so professional taking the Tube places too! It’s one thing I’d like us to have in San Diego as opposed to all the traffic. Also, it’s CHILLY here and I’m so glad I dug my big coat out of storage. I’ll try and check the restaurant out this weekend, I’m gonna sneak in a trip to the Tate, too. I’ve always wanted to see the Turners. Talk soon and love you bunches! x 

02/14 @ 9:54am

Bradley Bradshaw! You absolute SAP! HOW!?! Did you conspire with my dad again? Thank you for the flowers! I’m going to have the biggest smile on my face all day. I love you and hope this is the first of a lifetime of Valentine’s Days together. Always x 

02/14 @ 7:33pm

Happy Valentine’s Day to you too, kid. I’m not gonna lie, I gave your dad very specific instructions for the bouquet (I was going to ask Max, but he’d probably swap it for something ugly and cheap and keep the change…kidding (not)), so I’m glad they turned out well. It was a very big day on board today: we got special red heart cookies for the holiday. The mood was infectious, I can still taste the sprinkles. Maybe you could cook for me on our next Facetime? Have you learned anything good in class lately? It doesn’t have to be fancy, just wanna see you (and maybe also live vicariously through whatever you’re making).  

02/14 @ 7:33pm

Bradley! I think I can swing that for you, when do you think our next call will be? 

02/16 @ 3:18pm

Kid, you spoil me. This package is amazing, I don’t know where to start (just kidding it’s with the Cadbury chocolate and the Sudocrem as my burnt shoulders thank you), but everything is wonderful, thank you. I love hearing about London and seeing the pictures you sent last time. But I do have one complaint…you’re not in any of the pictures, kid, and that’s truly egregious. (Think we won’t be able to Facetime for a while, I gave Payback my slot the other day.)

02/16 @ 3:23pm

That’s not true! I’m in the one in front of the Tate!

02/16 @ 3:25pm

Yeah, but I can’t see you under all those layers! Just want to see your face. It’s been way too long since our last Facetime.

02/16 @ 9:52pm

As requested, Lieutenant Commander. I had one of the girls in the London office take this at dinner tonight. She really did wonders with the lighting and even managed to get my sidecar in the pic! x Love you

02/17 @ 6:55am

You look pretty. New dress? B

02/17 @ 7:17am

Maybe…it was on sale, couldn’t resist. But you’re gonna hate me because all of my clothes are very much not going to fit in your closet. Also, I bought you a new jacket and some socks. x

02/17 @ 7:20am

Ehhh I’m not too worried about the closet thing. But if you keep buying me clothes we might have a problem.

02/17 @ 7:24am

It’s so cute though!! You’re going to look so handsome in it! I got the green one for you!

02/17 @ 7:29am

Okay, admittedly a very nice jacket, thank you. But you are aware that we live in San Diego…

02/17 @ 7:31am

I am aware of that fact, LC Bradshaw. You can wear it when we visit my parents. Hell, I had to get my coat out of my storage closet for this trip. 

02/17 @ 6:53pm

Sighhhhh you raise a good point. Alright, alright, thank you for the jacket and socks my darling girl. What’d you have for dinner last night? We had chicken with these absolutely awful biscuits, tasted like saw dust, my stomach was growling for some more of that Cadbury chocolate (yes, Payback and I ate all of it already, though it was mainly Payback) for hours afterward. 

02/17 @ 6:59pm

Oh my sweet boy! Who do I need to call about your meal plan? Give me the number and I’ll call the Navy up right now. And I had scallops with truffle risotto. It was delicious. Wanted to lick the bowl clean. Love you bubs x

02/19 @ 10:22pm

Bubs, I cannot eat another meal out. I feel like I’m going to burst. I’ve gone to so many work dinners and lunches even before coming here, it almost makes me feel like a glutton. 

I miss you and your cooking (though I’ll have you know that my skills were vastly improving before my trip abroad!) and you standing behind me at the counter while I try to perfectly cut peppers. Sometimes I do it wrong on purpose so you’ll put your arms around me and I can feel the rumble of your voice. Would we call that weaponized incompetence? You better be ready for some Michelin Star meals when you get home, buddy. I just can’t wait to be home with you and roll over next to you in the morning and to tell you to stop snoring and that the battery in the smoke detector needs to be changed. I can’t wait to be home with you and make a life with you. I’m going to be really sappy now, but let me have this because I was reading this poem the other day and thought of you. 

“I am supposed to be touched. I can’t wait to find the person who will come into the kitchen just to smell my neck and get behind me and hug me and breathe me in and make me turn around and make me kiss his face and put my hands in his hair even with my soapy dishwater drips. I am a lovely woman. Who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me?” (x)

Only a month until you’re home with me, I hope you’re hungry. 

All my love x

02/20 @ 4:50am

It’s only weaponized incompetence if the other person minds. I, however, do not mind. I loved that quote you sent me, going to be thinking about that one for a long time. I hate to tell you this, but I’m gonna be offline for a couple days. I hate that it’s at the end of your trip, but please please message me when you’re leaving/taking off and again when you land, you know I worry. Love you and am so unbelievably proud of you, kid! You killed it in London. Your Bradley

02/20 @ 7:03am

That’s okay, I totally understand. I’ll give you all the details on our next Facetime. In the meantime, I message you when I leave. Stay safe and love you, Bradley! x

02/23 @ 3:45pm

Taking off soon! I got an upgrade again, thankfully! And I made sure to put your new coat in my carry on - I don’t trust British Airways not to lose it! Taking an ativan again so hopefully I’ll sleep the entire flight - love you and talk soon!

02/24 @ 10:33pm

Just landed, slept through….90% of the flight! Apparently, there was bad turbulence, so probably for the best. Now, I know you would never have me deal with that my darling rocketman! Talk later - love you! x

02/25 @ 7:09pm

Feels kind of weird being back? I can’t quite get back into my routine. I’m not sure if it’s jet lag or something else? Feeling a little lost? x

02/26 @ 7:55pm

Bradley!!! You were so good, I’m so so proud of you! Max had everyone over at his place for us to watch you! We have quite the party here including my parents, Pete, Penny and Amelia, Natasha, Mickey and Cielo, Caroline, and Darcy. I’ll have to tell you about the parents meeting later. I wish you had been here for it, they took to each other like bees to honey. 

You looked tragically handsome, I practically had to hold back a moan when you were standing on the flight deck talking to Norah O’Donnell (is she as nice in person as she is on TV?). God, I want to ravish you, you sounded so fucking smart. You know like half the country is going to be in love with you now, right? I’ve got to get back to everyone, Max ordered dinner for us afterwards, but I had to email you as soon as you finished!

Just wanted to let you know how proud of you I am and how much I love you x

02/27 @ 5:09am

Thanks, kid. Sorry it took me a bit to respond, things have been getting a bit crazy, you know, now that I’m a celebrity and all? We’re winding down this training, so the next couple weeks are gonna be full of debriefs and paperwork, which means I should have a more stable schedule. Love you B

02/28 @ 11:48pm

Sometimes I wonder if you were here what would you do? Hold me? Love me? I never feel small except when I’m in your arms. x

02/29 @ 11:48pm

Some nights in bed, if I try really hard, I can imagine I’m laying down next to you. And it makes everything just a little easier. Bradley

03/01 @ 12:56am

I haven’t taken anything besides my fingers in months. You’re going to stretch me out so well when you get home. 

03/01 @ 7:19pm

And I’m gonna mark your ass pink for that comment. I can’t believe you sent that in the middle of the day. You getting yourself off at work? Dirty girl. 

03/01 @ 9:41pm

Never feels as good as when you do it. 

03/01 @ 10:01pm

And my hands pale in comparison to your pretty little cunt. You know that first time we slept together you were so fucking tight, I knew you hadn’t had a good fuck in ages. It gonna be like that again when I come home?

03/01 @ 10:05pm

Where are you going to have me first?

03/01 @ 10:06pm

In our bed, in our house, after you make me dinner in our kitchen. 

03/01 @ 10:09pm

Just over two weeks now, I can’t wait to see you. x

03/03 @ 5:55am

How you holding up, kid? You doing a little better this week work wise? Try and log off around 5 if you can. Don’t want you getting all worn down on me. 

They had us doing these war games yesterday that made me think of you. You would’ve walked circles around some of these other guys I swear. Think I can get a Facetime for us in a couple days? Probably will be our last one before I come home. Love you, B

03/03 @ 7:12am

Bradley! That's the best news I’ve had in ages! I can’t wait to see you! Definitely felt a little lost after coming back from London, but I hope my rut will be over soon? Tying things up with a client is always so lengthy and tedious. 

War games! ‘Would you like to play a game?’ I’d ask if you won, but no one ever wins in the art of war 😉Love you!

03/05 @ 8:54pm

So, here’s a new one. My mom called? She’s going to be stateside and wants to get lunch tomorrow. Could’ve done with a bit more warning, but apparently, she has a layover in San Diego on her way to New York to see my brother? I didn’t even know she was going to see him? I don’t even know if I want to see her? It’s funny, I can already tell you exactly how it’ll play out:

We’ll go to lunch at some sort of vegan restaurant, probably Donna Jean

She’ll make me pay

She’ll try to get me to use some sort of herb to promote weight loss since I’m looking a bit “pudgy” around the face

Though she’ll forget to ask about you, she’ll tell me about her latest string of failed relationships with bartenders and surf instructors in Canggu. Or is it Ubud? I genuinely don’t remember, she started in Ubud, but honestly my knowledge of Balinese geography is rudimentary at best 

She’ll ask how ‘that woman’ is doing as if Mary is just the woman my dad is seeing, not the woman who raised me and my brother

And finally, she’ll ask for money though betting is still open as to what for!

So, what do you say? Wanna put a wager on it? Your terms.

Love you! x

03/06 @ 6:30am

$100 she orders the caesar and makes you pay. I’m not even going to entertain the third parlay, pretty girl. Oddly feeling like she’s got a winner on her hands so yes she’ll talk about her new paramour. Does she really call Mary ‘that woman?’ And yes, without a question, she will ask you for money.

Your move my gorgeous girl,

Bradley

03/06 @ 7:49pm

I really wish you were here right now. She doesn’t even know me, but she somehow always manages to make me feel small. 

Caesar - no croutons 

I paid

Pudgy and frumpy, but she was hawking shakes not herbs

Failed relationship? No, she’s actually GETTING MARRIED

She did not ask about you much other than to say I need to watch my figure for you (see bullet point no. 3)

Mary was called ‘that woman’ six times before I stopped counting

She asked for money as a wedding present 

So, you didn’t get them all, but not a bad showing. Love you. Talk tomorrow on Facetime. x

03/07 @ 6:09am

God kid, I’m so sorry. She doesn’t know what she’s missing. Actually, I don’t even think she deserves to know what she’s missing. Did you talk to your dad or Mary about it? I know we’re talking later, but I just wanted you to have a message from me before you start your day. What’re you wearing to the office tomorrow? Have you worn that polka dot dress with the bow lately? You know it’s one of my favorites and that I always love unwrapping it when you get home from the office. 

Can’t wait to see you tonight. All my love, Bradley

03/07 @ 9:55am

The dress doesn’t fit. My mom was right, I shouldn’t have gotten the french toast.

I’m planning on talking to dad and Mary later today before you and I have our Facetime. I know they’ll make me feel better, much like you have my darling boy, but it still feels pretty crummy. Especially since I’m sure she’s going to have wonderful time in New York with my brother 🙄 and I’ll have to hear all about it next time I talk to him. 

And I’m not sure if I’ve unpacked that dress yet! I’ll have to do some digging. Talk soon! x

03/10 @ 3:26am

We had a little baby. He was always giggling and laughing and we were making silly faces and he looked so small in your arms, Bradley. So small and little and he was ours. And then I turned around and he was toddling around the house and we were chasing him and his little legs were moving so quickly and we all wound up on the couch in a tangle of limbs, giggling under the blankets as we tickled him and he called you daddy. 

It wasn’t our house - or what will be our house, I guess? Instead of the leather couch you have, it was white and big and wide and the three of us could easily fit on it, snuggled together. 

And I could feel your arms around me, rocking me back and forth. I could feel you humming in my ear and kissing my neck and telling me you loved me. I could feel it. I could feel you. I could feel him and you. And it was nice and I felt warm and safe and cherished and loved. Because I felt so much love for this little boy in my arms - the perfect mix of me and you. Everything felt right and perfect. 

Except when I rolled over in bed to tell you about it, I realized I was alone in my bed, in my apartment, and not in the house that we shared or with the little boy that looked so much like you and I haven’t felt so empty and sad since I can’t remember when. 

And I just miss you so much, Bradley. I know I can come across as glib and unfeeling sometimes and like this doesn’t affect me as much. But it does and sometimes I feel like my heart is going to burst because I’ve never felt like this for anyone else before? It’s never been so easy for me to love someone and let them love me to the point that I always want to be beside them. And I know with your job - and mine - that can’t always happen, but god Bradley I wish you were here right now so you could hold me and tell me you loved me because I just want to feel your arms around me and know you’re real. I want to tell you about the little boy - the perfect mix of me and you. 

I love you rocketman x

03/11 @ 12:49pm

I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. I realize that’s a lot to drop on you, especially since we can’t talk in person. I guess I’ve just never missed a person more in my life and seeing that future showed me what we could have when you come home. God, Bradley I want you to come home so badly. I want you to stay here with me forever and never leave and to have that cute little boy who was the perfect mix of me and you and to have you here in my arms every night. And I know it’s selfish of me to ask or even make you think about it, but I want you right here - in twenty seconds, not twenty years. 

How did your hop go today? x

03/11 @ 7:03pm

I have dreams like that, too. I’ll be little, but still older than I was when my dad died and we’ll be at the beach, running around, and he’ll pick me up and spin me around like I’m flying on an airplane. 

But then it’ll be me and my kid, running around and I’ll pick them up and spin them around like they’re flying on an airplane. Sometimes it’s a girl, sometimes a little boy. But I always just can feel and tell that I love them and I’d do anything for them. 

And I used to hate waking up alone after I had them and I’d feel empty and sad and like I had the feeling that they should still be there? Except now I have you and I know it doesn’t just have to be a dream?

Sorry it took me so long to reply. Today was hectic and I didn’t get to check my email until later. But if I checked it earlier, my day would’ve been a lot easier on my heart. 

All my love,

Your Bradley

03/12 @ 7:11pm

How do you always know exactly what to say? I’m sorry for springing that all on you, know it wasn’t exactly a quick/easy message, but I love that you knew exactly what I meant. My day’s always a lot easier on my heart when I hear from you, too. Love you x

03/12 @ 10:17pm

i miss having you around to take care of me. and telling me what to do and what to wear for you and how you want me and where you want me and when you want me and and and. and how good i feel around you as you come, how you take what’s yours. how i need you to take control and tell me what i need because i’m too much of a dumb slut to figure it out on my own. i need you so much bradley. and it’s so hard because i’m trying to take care of myself like you do and imagine what you’d do if you were with me right now. but i’m so frustrated since no one takes care of me like you do. i feel so empty. nothing stretches me out like you do, nothing makes me feel as small as you do, nothing makes me flush like the sound of your voice against my neck as i come, nothing soothes the ache inside me like you do. need you to call me good girl, pretty girl, sweet girl, anything as long as it’s yours. 

i need you i need you i need you i need you bradley bradley bradley bradley

3/13 @ 10:39pm

Awwww sweetheart, did you get yourself all worked up over me? It’s okay, I know it’s hard for you all by yourself. Must’ve been real bad for you to risk this getting flagged, huh? Poor thing, don’t worry, I’ll take care of you. 

Want you to pretend I’m next to you, leaning over you as you lay down and touch yourself. Say yes Bradley, more Bradley. Bradley, Bradley, Bradley. Good girl. 

Want you naked under the covers, no frilly little pajama set or anything. No, I want your cum to stain the sheets and then for you to have to clean up in the morning, all embarrassed because you did this. You made yourself like this because you can’t control yourself without me around. All that cum being wasted. Nobody around to lick it off your pussy. So what doesn’t get on the sheets, you have to taste. Good girl. 

Want you to use your fingers - only your fingers, I’ll know if you use anything else. Start with your breasts. Think of how perfectly they fit in my hands and how yours aren’t quite the same. They aren’t as big. Aren’t as strong. Play with your nipples, drag your nails across the soft skin on the underside of your breasts.

Want you to sigh my name as you slide your hands down your stomach towards your pretty little pussy. Have you shaved? Gotten a wax? You know how I like it, want it just like that when I get home. Pretend it’s my fingers sliding into your cunt. A few touches and you’re already clenching on air and I’m not even around. 

In and out, in and out. Circle your clit with your thumb. Add another finger, then another. You rocking your hips yet? I know you’re soaked. I know you want more. Three fingers can’t stretch you out nearly as much as you need. But I don’t know if you can handle anything else without me around. And I know you would never disagree with me, right? Because you’re my good girl and good girls do what they’re told. 

Don’t hesitate to get loud. You’re in our house, in our bed, you can be as loud as you want. Bet you’re getting close, huh? Try and last a little longer, can you hear yourself and how wet you are? Are you shaking yet? I know you’re close. Go ahead, speed up your fingers, just the way I do. It’s okay, you can come. Know you’re gonna get sleepy soon, wish I could sleep inside you, nice and tight.

Say thank you Bradley. Good girl. 

03/14 @ 5:49pm

Thank you, Bradley. Thank you for taking care of me last night 

You like chicken piccata, right?

03/14 @ 7:33pm

Yeah, kid, I like chicken piccata. 

03/14 @ 7:39pm

Okay, that’s good. I’m going to make it when you come home. I ran it by my cooking instructor. Ina’s recipe of course. 

(I’ve read your email seven times since you sent it. I’ve thought about it constantly. I want you to take me softly and slowly that first time. But after that? I can’t wait to let go and float. Love you so much x)

03/15 @ 6:09am

You’re the boss. Good thing I’ll be home soon, you’re gonna run out of material. As is, I had to type that last one with one hand. 

Love you,

B

03/15 @ 7:21am

I’ll be good till you get home, promise. 

Have a good day, do you think we’ll get to talk much from now till Friday? Love you x

03/15 @ 7:24am

I’ll hold you to it. 

I don’t think so, might be able to send one out before leaving the boat. Better make it a good one. 

All my love

Your Bradley 

03/15 @ 7:25am

You got it! Love you bubs 

03/18 @ 11:08pm

Kid - there’s this lyric that keeps running through my head: ‘and I want you right here.’ I want you beside me - today, tomorrow, all my days. I want you right here, beside me forever. In twenty seconds, not twenty years. See you tomorrow.

All my love,

Your Bradley

03/18 @ 11:11pm

See you tomorrow, rocketman. I’ll be the one in blue.

Love you x

a/n: thanks for reading! i'll be back with part ii and part iii (hopefully not in...4 months). i had so much fun writing these and getting to explore a different format and side to their relationship! thanks to alexa @sometimesanalice, kylie @ofstoriesandstardust, cass @notroosterbradshaw, elle @dissonannce, nik @cherrycola27, and loren @heartsofminds for all the support!