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ahgasegotarmy116 · 6 months ago

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Want Some Help? | Jeon Jungkook One Shot

Summary: When your boyfriend can't seem to satisfy you anymore your roommate decides to lend a helping hand. Pairing: f!reader x Jungkook (crackhead roommate energy) Word Count: 4.7k (got a little carried away but when don't I 😂) Warnings: Explicit language, smut and cheating. He spits in her mouth at the end lol and hella pet names. Aight that's all you're getting lol gotta read the rest to find out. a/n: This is the last thing I'll be posting before I go on a little hiatus. I'll make a post in a couple of days to explain but I'll let this circulate a bit before I do. I hope you enjoy it! (barely edited lol) Requested by a lovely anon 💜

The sounds in my room are obscene to say the least, more from Brian's side than mine today though. I don't know what it is but something about him isn't doing it for me anymore. Is it the fact that I have a new Adonis for a roommate? Perhaps, but Brian's need to overcompensate for it makes situations like these even more awkward than they need to be.

"You like that?" he asks, him being so close to cumming with me barely working my way up to it. "Yeah" I respond breathily, trying my best to play the part so this can hopefully be over sooner rather than later. "Fuck" he groans at the sight and sound of my little gasp when he just barely hits that spot but I know he won't be able to figure out how to do it again.

Brian isn't a selfish lover but the dynamic between us has changed ever since Jungkook moved in...

He hasn't been as focused on me which now that I think about it is pretty damn selfish. I'm just making excuses for him at this point. He's more focused on his ego and playing it up for my roommate than he is into loving his girlfriend. I don't know how much longer I can be in this relationship if he keeps acting like this.

"Shit I'm close, are you?" he asks and I nod my head furiously, thanking whoever might've been listening to my plea and seconds later he's cumming inside the condom and I do my best to copy the moan that I let out when he's actually done a good job at satisfying me and it seems to be convincing enough since he's giving me that cocky grin before he kisses me again.

"You wanna shower?" he asks and I shake my head, "You go ahead, I'll shower later. Plus, didn't you say you had work early tomorrow morning? I'll let you get cleaned up in peace so you can head out" I say and he nods his head before going to the bathroom and throwing me a towel before closing the door and turning on the shower.

Luckily he didn't try to clean me up because there's definetly not much to clean since I didn't cum.

Once I'm finished and I've made myself somewhat presentable I put on my robe and head out into the kitchen to grab myself a glass of water. "Have fun?" my roommate says from the living room couch as I pass by on my way to the kitchen. "Shit Jungkook you scared me" I say, holding my hand to my chest.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to. Have a good time tonight?" he asks again, his eyes dragging up and down my form, lingering on my chest and when I look down I see that my nipples are very visible unbeknownst to me since I hadn't cared to think about the fact that Jungkook might've come home.

I wrap my robe tighter around me and cross my arms as I head into the kitchen. "Yes I did thank you very much. Did you?" I spit out quickly, hoping to avoid talking about my sex life with him. "It was alright. I had a long week so I decided to turn in early but um..." he trails off as he watches Brian walk down the hallway and into the kitchen, giving Jungkook a stern look before coming over to talk to me.

"You alright?" he asks before placing a way too intimate kiss on my lips in front of Jungkook who I see has turned his head back to the TV and isn't bothering to pay attention to the game Brian is trying to play with him. "Yeah I'm fine. Are you heading out?" I ask, very hopeful that this visit will come to an end and thankfully luck is on my side this time.

"Yeah I gotta get going but I'll come over again soon" he says, looking over at Jungkook before giving me one last kiss and heading towards the door to put on his shoes. "Text me when you get home!" I say and he winks at me before walking out leaving me rolling my eyes once the door is shut.

I slump against the counter, glad it's finally over and when I look back over at Jungkook he's not too interested in whatever he has playing on the TV anymore, his focus solely on me.

"What?" I ask him, brows scrunched together and trying to figure out what his deal is. "Why'd you fake it?" he asks and I choke on my spit, caught off guard by the unfiltered question. "Excuse me?" I ask, scandalized that he had been listening enough to even catch onto something like that.

"You probably wanted it to be over huh?" he asks, assuming what the answer was and unfortunately that was the case but I'm not letting him have the satisfaction of being right. "I don't know what you're talking about" I say, turning on the sink to fill up my cup again but before I can even pull it out from under the tap he's taking it out of my hand.

"Hey!" I call out, trying to grab it but he holds it just out of reach. "Can't keep you satisfied anymore?" he asks raising a brow at me, a smug look on his face since it seems he can read me like a book based off of my body language alone. "He keeps me very satisfied thank you very much, not that it's any of your business" I say and reach for my cup which he thankfully relinquishes.

"I know you're lying" he say and I cock a brow at him, not knowing how he could possibly know the truth. "Oh yeah? What makes you say that?" I press, placing the cup on the counter and crossing my arms over my chest, forgetting the fact that I'm completely naked under this and giving him a better view of my cleavage.

"You're not very quiet when you do it by yourself you know. What do you use? A dildo? One of those little roses? Maybe both?" he questions leaning in closer to me and making my eyes bug out of my head. "How did yo-" "These walls are paper thin doll, so believe me when I say that I can hear every little thing you do to yourself in there. But please, don't stop. I would hate to be deprived of that pretty little voice of yours even though it is quite distracting sometimes" he says, grabbing my cup and holding it between us as a clear invitation to leave if I so desire.

I take it and rush back to my room, slamming the door behind me and I can hear him chuckle from the kitchen. Fuck he really wasn't kidding when he said these walls are thin.

I flop down onto my bed facedown and scream into my pillow, utterly mortified that he's heard me ever since he got here. I need to wear a muzzle at this rate since there's no way I'm stopping just for his sake. A girl's got needs and if Brian isn't going to fulfill them then I've gotta do it myself.

I get up off my bed after I finish my little temper tantrum and change the sheets before taking my robe off and jumping in the shower to hopefully wash off all of Brian's scent. I can't stand to think about him anymore especially after what Jungkook said about him...

After finishing up my shower and drying off my hair I reach into my drawer to get my tried and true rose bud to help me out tonight. Yes he guessed right but I'll be damned if I ever let him see it.

I lay down and try to turn it on and after I've used it for a minute or two it just shuts off. "Fuck" I groan out, forgetting the fact that I had forgotten to grab new batteries for it. The TV remote has the same size batteries right? It's worth a shot to go check since I'm pretty sure he's gone to bed already.

Walking out to the living room in my robe again I'm met with Jungkook still sitting on the couch watching the same thing he had been when I first came out here.

I try to turn back around once I've seen him but he stops me by asking me if I needed something. "I just wanted to borrow the batteries from the remote but you're still using it so no worries" I say and try to leave but he stops me again. "I'm pretty sure I bought a new pack of batteries not too long ago" he says and I sheepishly admit I used the last of them.

"Oh okay well here, I can just finish this up on my laptop" he says while taking the batteries out and putting them in my hand, giving me the source of my pleasure for tonight. "T-thanks" I stutter and close my finger around them as if they would disappear if I let them go. "Is everything okay?" he asks and I nod my head while walking down the hallway, not knowing that he's hot on my heels.

"What do you need the batteries for?" he asks as we're a few feet away from my door making me jump. "Didn't know I was behind you?" he chuckles and I glare at him, hoping that'll make him back off but it does the exact opposite, causing him to smirk and glance around my room and soon notices the rosebud that I stupidly left in the middle of my bed.

"I was right" he smirks leaving me groaning and rolling my eyes as I storm into my room, not bothering to close the door since I know he's not going to leave me alone anytime soon.

"What? You know I'm just teasing you. You're free to do as you please doll, I'm not gonna stop you. I was even nice and paused my movie so you can have your fun too" he says, leaning against my doorframe and since he's being shameless I will too, deciding to switch the batteries out and turn it on to check but unfortunately it does the same thing and dies less than thirty seconds after I turn it on.

"Shit" I curse under my breath and he stifles his laughter by covering his mouth. "Yeah yeah laugh it up. You're just lucky all you need is your right hand to get off. Can you just leave me alone?" I ask, laying back down on my bed, exacerbated and ready to call it a night since the odds have flipped again. My good luck for the night being Brian's quick departure.

I don't pay attention to how high my robe has ridden and it seems as though one of my legs has slipped through the gap giving him a full view of my upper thigh and hip, one wrong move leaving me exposed to him.

He gulps but I don't bother to notice and only do when he clears his throat. "What do you want?" I say, throwing my arm over my face trying to hide the shame that all of this has caused me but fail miserably. "Want some help?" he asks and I sit up right away at his words, "What?" I ask, my reaction as dramatic as if he had grown two heads.

"Do you want some help? I can get you off real quick if you'd like? It'll be like one roomie helping the other" he offers as causally as if he had asked to borrow five bucks. "You're joking, right?" I scoff but it seems as he very well is not as he take a step into my room and he watches for signs for protest but I give him none.

"Not really no. I'm simply offering to help a friend in need. That's what we are right? Friends?" he questions as he takes a step closer.

He calls out my name when I've stayed silent for a while, not being able to take my eyes off him even if I tried. As long as he stays in this room he's got my attention. "R-right, friends" I respond and he takes a seat on my bed, a respectful distance away but it feels as if he was already on top of me.

"But Brian-" "Doesn't need to know" he says, cutting me off and making it harder and harder for me to say no. He scoots closer to me and takes the rosebud out of my hands, unbothered by what it's used for and simply places it on the nightstand next to me. "It's your move" he says, leaning closer to me, his breath fanning my face and I look at his eyes, mine going back and forth before his look down at my lips.

"Tell me to stop" he says, making things easier for me but when he's mere millimeters away I lean in.

It's soft and sweet at first, our lips connecting and breaking a few times, still giving me an opening to pull away and say stop but after a few more kisses like that he deepens the kiss. While keeping our lips locked for longer he angles his head a bit more, his tongue now in my mouth and soon he beckons me to do the same and I do which gives him even more of a green light.

He places his hand on my cheek and angles me just right before he switches up and presses down on my shoulder a little and leans in closer as a silent plea for me to lay down.

I crawl back on the bed instead and he follow as I lay down on the pillows with him hovering over me. "Fuck been thinking about this view for a long time" he admits and before I can say anything in response his lips are already on mine again.

"Can I take this off?" he asks, toying with the tie that is seconds from coming undone of it's own accord. "Yeah" I say, adrenaline pumping through my veins at the thought of doing this, of cheating with my roommate who is someone I won't be able to run away from after this.

He pulls the belt and in one smooth motion it's undone.

The way he looks at me as he takes both sides of the robe off of my body is a sight that could make me cum untouched if given the chance. Watching his eyes darken up as they roam all over my body until he's tracing them back up to mine where it's as if a whole new man is hovering over me, one that looks so insatiable and ready to break me at any moment.

"Fuck you're so pretty" he say, leaning back down to kiss me but soon trails his lips down my neck and to the valley between my breast. He settles on kissing one of them and slowly brings his lips closer to my nipple where he looks up at me for permission which I give right away. He smirks and puts his thumb and pointer fingers into his mouth making them wet. He places them on the opposite one twisting and toying with it before he places his mouth on the one in front of him.

Once his lips make contact my fingers immediately lace through his hair, needing to ground myself with something and he hums around in in approval when I tug on it a bit.

"You sensitive here doll?" he asks when he lets go of it, the cool air causing a chill when it hits my damp skin, him having made a mess of it from his clear desire to do this. I let out a whimper in response and he nips at it before switching to my other breast to give it the same time and attention he gave the first.

My hips start to buck up after a couple more seconds of him switching between my breasts and lips when he hears those pretty voices he had talked about before, wanting to taste them on his tongue this time.

"Someone's eager" he says against my lips but I turn my face to the side leaving him kissing the column of my neck until I'm squirming about leaving him smiling against my skin.

"Does my doll want more?" he asks and I whimper in response, not being able to bring myself to utter words of confirmation when I have a man like him already causing me so much pleasure, but it's not enough.

I need more.

"Jungkook please" I breathe out, done with this teasing and so worked up already from not gaining release earlier. "Please what?" he asks trailing his lips back up to mine and kissing them one last time before pulling back and waiting for my answer. "Please help me cum" I plead, wanting what he had promised me earlier.

He chuckles dryly and places a kiss on the corner or my mouth before responding. "Here I am taking my time with you but you still only want one thing. Don't you like it when I play with you like this?" he asks, trailing middle finger down my torso until he's come in contact with my clit, sliding further down past it and checking to see what my true physical reactions have been to his ministrations.

"Seems like you do" he says, circling around my entrance with that same finger when he feels how wet I am. "This all for me?" he asks and close my eyes once he's dipped one of his fingers in while using his thumb to draw circles around my clit but once my breathing picks up a bit everything stops.

"What?" I pant, confused as to why he would stop. "I asked you a question. Is this all for me y/n?" he rasps, looking down at where his fingers had once been and cursing when he notices how wet they are. "Y-yes, all for you" I choke out and he leans in as if he was going to kiss me but stops before I can even brush my lips against his.

"Can you say my name princess?" he whispers, posed as a question but we both know the only way this continues is if I comply. "Jungkook" I whisper out, his name now tasting different on my tongue. It's almost if I have to put more effort into pronouncing each letter, my throat suddenly running dry.

"Louder doll. It's the least you can do to help me forget how you've moaned his name in here time and time again. Probably another sad excuse of an act to fake your high" he says, going back to playing with my center, his finger going in and out at a faster rate now before easing his way into putting in a second one.

"Fuck Jungkook" I groan, this time a little louder than before that grants me a kiss on my neck, his motives to stay away from my lips being to hear all of my reactions to what he's doing to me. Wanting to discover new sounds and reactions that sound more genuine and are ones that I can't even hope to hold back with the pleasure he's giving me.

"That's it, keep going. Want your voice to be the thing I remember most about this, hear it over and over again, ingrained in my memory. That way when I forget how you taste it'll be something that I'll still be able to come back to. Hearing how I make you feel, not yourself and definetly not your sorry excuse of a boyfriend, me. Let me hear how I make you feel" he rasps in my ear making me shiver and arch my back off the mattress.

"Jungkook please, please" I beg, my ego gone, the only thoughts in my head being him and how incredible it'll feel once he's made me cum. "Just like that doll, scream my name if you need to, I don't mind" his calm cool and collected tone of voice driving me mad. How can he be whispering these things in my ear and taunting me like this while I'm a complete mess under him, barely being able to breathe let alone think straight.

I pulse around his fingers and he can tell that I'm close when I let out a moan after he hits a certain spot, hitting it over and over again, knowing that that's going to be the thing that'll make me come undone.

He leans back and looks down at me, his flushed cheeks and swollen lips make me insane, his calm and cool façade in my mind broken when I see the way he's watching me. Taking in every gasp, every moan, every whimper of his name and it makes him want to try even harder to get me to that high, needing to see what I look like when I cum.

"Just like that doll, you're doing so well, sound so pretty" he murmurs and with a few more words of encouragement I'm coming undone. When I try to look away he grabs my chin and makes me keep eye contact, making everything seem even more intense.

Once the rising and falling of my chest has slowed down and his playful fingers inside me gain him whines of overstimulation he finally takes them out.

I expect him to get up and wash his hands but instead places them in his mouth, moaning once my taste hits his tongue leaving me swallowing dryly, needing that glass of water now.

"Open your mouth" he says after he takes his fingers out and I comply curiously, doing as he asks and the next moment I feel him spitting in my mouth before smashing his lips on mine one last time.

After kissing me senseless and exhaustion flooding my system my kisses become sloppy and he laughs against my lips before finally pulling back. "Where are you going?" I ask and he laughs again at my groggy state. “I'm going to go get a towel to clean you up" he says and I sit up quickly, my mind slowly clearing up.

"Wait, what about you?" I ask, taking note of the tent in his pants but he simply chuckles and brings back a warm towel just like he said.

I had expected the same treatment Brian gave me today but when I try to reach for it he pulls back. "No you lay down, you're still out of it" he says, trying to be serious but also satisfied that he only had to use his fingers put me in this state.

After he finishes cleaning me up he gets up and throws the towel in the laundry basket and comes back to sit on the bed next to me, cupping my face and studying my features. "You okay?" he asks, clearly sensing regret already.

"Yeah I'm fine. I just never thought I would do something like this" I admit and he mouths a quiet 'Oh' and takes his hand off me but I grab it before he can get too far. "I'm sorry I'm just confused and clearly not thinking straight" I say, trying to backtrack knowing that I've hurt him by saying that.

"Thank you for doing this for me" I say timidly and he laughs. "What?" I ask, clearly not understanding what about this situation is funny.

"I'm sorry" he says, his laughing soon dying down and I wait in silence until he's finally composed himself. "I'm sorry it's just that it’s not everyday that your hot roommate thanks you for finger fucking them" he chuckles and my cheeks heat up, thoroughly embarrassed now that he's put it like that.

I reach behind me and grab a pillow and throw it at his face which makes him laugh even more. "Jungkook stop this isn't funny" I whine and he stops a couple minutes later. "Alright alright I'm sorry, you were just getting way too serious about it" he explains and wipes away a fake tear.

"This is serious! I just cheated on my boyfriend with you" I exclaim and he shakes his head, placing the pillow I threw at him out of my reach and sighs before responding. "You and I both know that you've been ready to end that relationship for a while now" he says and I open my mouth but the words die in my throat.

"That's what I thought" he says and we sit there in silence for a moment while I pull the sheet over me. "Just break up with him already, I can clearly see that you're miserable" he points out and I hate that he's right.

"Why do you care? Should I break up with him so I can mess around with you?" I ask and he shrugs his shoulders. "We can do that if you want to, but from a friend's point of view I think your life is so much better without him" he says and I sigh, knowing again that he's right, telling me the things that I've thought about over and over again but just never did anything about.

"I'll talk to him" I say and he nods his head. "Good because with the number I did on your neck he's definetly gonna know that something went down" he laughs and my eyes go wide, forgetting to tell him to not leave any marks but I know I'm fucked.

"Here" he says, grabbing the hand mirror I have on my dresser and I know from one glance that hoodies and turtlenecks will be my new signature look until this all clears up.

"Jungkook" I growl and he giggles, never taking my scolding tone seriously. "What? Don't act like you didn't like it" he chuckles and I sit up, grabbing that pillow and throwing it at him again. "I hate you" I huff but he laughs again before placing a knee on my bed and making it dip under his weight.

My breath hitches as he inches closer and I can't do anything but lay down, slowly trying to run away from his lips in my mind but falling back into that same position we had been in for who knows how long.

Once I'm flat on my back and he's hovering over me again I swallow as best as I can, making him let out a dry chuckle. "Wanna run that one by me again doll?" he asks, cocking a brow at me and I press my thighs together, hating myself for doing it but needing some sort of something to keep me sane but it's of no use.

He leans in closer and I hold my breath, not knowing what he's doing or where this is going but when I close my eyes I’m granted with that same chuckle again.

"Goodnight princess" he says against my lips, his weight gone off my bed seconds later leaving me sitting up in process. "Wha-" "My pretty doll needs to figure out who she wants to play with if she wants more" he taunts and I cross my arms and pout a little, hoping that'll get him to come back.

"Aw don't be like that. After all the work I put in to help you feel good. I thought you would've been more grateful, not greedy" he taunts and I roll my eye before uttering a quiet 'Goodnight'. "Thanks for giving me material to help me fix this" he says, looking down at the very clear outline of his hard on and I swallow again, intimidated from finally being able to see his full size.

"I promise, if you make up your mind...I'll make it fit" he teases and winks at me granting him a scowl in response. He grabs the door handle at the same time I grab the pillow and throw it which he blocks by closing the door. "Goodnight doll" he says one last time and shuts it behind him.

I spend the rest of my night willing myself to sleep and when I finally start to doze off I start hearing Jungkook's soft moans and grunts leaving me wide awake again. Now I really know he wasn't lying...

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imperator-titus · 5 months ago

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Favorite Party Banter [Gale Edition]

[Astarion (Ascended)] [Halsin/Jaheira] [Gale] [Karlach] [Lae'zel] [Minsc] [Minthara] [Shadowheart] [Wyll]

I often miss party banter because of party comp (and sometimes just straight up can't hear??) so here's a collection of my favorite bants while going through dialogue files. I know the wiki has the banter (most? all?) but I added the file names and dev notes.

Either Gale is the main speaker/subject or I think his reaction is good shit.

Not in any particular order.

[PB_Laezel_Gale_ROM_Act2]

Gale: So, Lae’zel - have you ever been tempted to use psionics in your, erm, romantic endeavors? {Devnote: Curiosity winning out over awkwardness}

Lae’zel: Only once. Did you know, in low-gravity settings, githyanki can maintain aerial suspension for hours at a time? {Devnote: cheekily}

Gale: Fascinating - I think the archmage Tasha described a spell with similar effect. I really must look that up… {Devnote: latter part almost to self}

[PB_Gale_Astarion_ROM_Act3_Spawn]

Gale: If you’re feeling faint after your bout with Cazador, Astarion, I don’t mind donating some blood. {Devnote: Sincere/Genuinely trying to help}

Astarion: When you’re still full of that Netherese bile? I’ll pass, thank you.

Astarion: Besides, I have someone else to nibble on. And they are delicious.

[PB_Gale_Shadowheart_Morgue]

Gale: Look at this place. Such horrors defy descriptions…{Devnote: In very bleak/grim surroundings}

Shadowheart: Silence can be best. Give it a try sometime. {Devnote: A little cheeky, though they’re in a grim place}

[PB_Gale_Shadowheart_ROM_Act3_Selune]

Gale: I must tell you, Shadowheart, the bathing waters here leave much to be desired. {Devnote: a bit know it all}

Gale: The ablutions offered at the Temple of Beauty in Waterdeep are far superior. And they have the most excellent soaps.

Shadowheart: Hmm. I was wondering why you always smelled like a wealthy dowager. {Devnote: teasing}

[PB_Wyll_Gale_ROM_Act2]

Gale: I’ve heard that in Baldur’s Gate, ‘wizard’ is also a term used for one who eschews their more, ahem, carnal desires. Is that true, Wyll? {Devnote: Fishing for info, a bit annoyed about what he’s heard.}

Wyll: Where are we going with this, Gale?

Gale: Oh, nowhere. I just think it a rather cruel misnomer. Not at all reflective of the glamour wizarding life affords. {Devnote: A bit sulky/sensitive about it}

[PB_Gale_Astarion_ROM_Act2]

Gale: I fear I've been rather hasty to judge you, Astarion. {Devnote: sincere/sympathetic}

Gale: One heartbreak was quite enough for me, but to experience it as many times as you have must change a person.

Astarion: Thank you, Gale. Let us both hope that broken hearts are a thing of the past.

[PB_Karlach_Gale_BlushingMermaid]

Karlach: Man, it's good to be home. First round on who?

Gale: She who thirsts buys drink the first. {Devnote: Like it's a well-known saying}

Karlach: You won't pin me down with a rhyme, wizard! {Devnote: jockeying with Gale}

Gale: She who declines gets the worst of the wines.

[PB_Laezel_Gale_ROM_Act3_001]

Lae'zel: Gale, I've heard you talking in your sleep. Your mate needs better rest for our journey.

Gale: And deprive them of the pleasure of hearing my nocturnal postulations? I'd never be so cruel.

Gale: The mind absorbs much while we believe ourselves dormant. To lie beside Gale of Waterdeep is positively educational.

[PB_Karlach_Gale_ROM_Act1]

Gale: Karlach... a hypothetical question for you.

Gale: If someone - not me, of course - detected a hint of romantic interest in them from another, unnamed individual, what might that someone do about it?

Karlach: Whoever it is, just talk to them, Gale. And leave out the hypotheticals.

Gale: Talking. Right. I'm good at that.

#bg3 #bg3 dialogue #bg3 gale #gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #Karlach #laezel #Astarion #wyll #shadowheart #text post #titus post #bg3 meta

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usmsgutterson · 2 years ago

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Cal, my love, how are you???

If heard your call for Kaz x Reader requests. If LOVE to see what you come up with for Kaz x Grisha!Reader (I'm feeling inferno, squaller, or Durant, but obviously it's up to you!) where the reader gets sicker and sicker from not using their small science! It's such a fascinating concept to me and hardly ever explored!

Back To Normal- K.B x gn! Squaller! Reader

Okay, hi! It's been nearly two weeks since you sent this in and I did write it! Editing it just took me longer than I expected and I woke up after a nap last night to discover that I have a bit of a cold developing so I couldn't edit the remainder of it and post it like I'd hoped, but I got it done today so yay, I hope you like this one!

This concept is one I've never seen a fic for but one I've debated writing a fic around in the past because the concept in and of itself is a really intriguing idea to me, and this gives me an excuse to write it and also an excuse to write a squaller! reader, which I've thought about doing but have never actually done, so I was really excited when I saw this in my inbox! Thank you so much for sending this in, and if it's not exactly what you had in mind, feel free to reach out and let me know, I'll totally rewrite if you'd like lol.

Fic type- hurt/comfort with moments of angst

Warnings- mentions of sickness, frailness, feelings of weakness, heart palpitations, loss of appetite, and there's reference to the second chapter of Six of Crows so slight spoiler warning too for people haven't read the books

As a Grisha, once your abilities to summon the small science were discovered, there were consequences for not summoning. You grew sick, your body grew weak, your bones fragile and you felt frail, even the smallest actions leaving you winded.

It was the universes way of punishing you for not using the gift you'd been given, another show of like calls to like. Refraining from summoning calls to sickness, and summoning calls to health.

You'd read Grisha theory, both in your time at the Little Palace before you left in the last few months before the war and in the time since, in the times wherein you needed something to read and happened upon a book containing Grisha theory and figured it would be good to pass the time.

You knew that you wouldn't last if you didn't summon, but you eventually stopped finding reason to. Nobody in the Dregs knew you were a squaller, and what good did wind do, anyway, unless it was summer and grossly humid as Ketterdam always got when the weather warmed up? You saw no point in using your small science, so eventually, you just stopped.

For a while, the differences weren't really noticeable. You didn't notice them, nobody in the Dregs noticed them, none of the crows did. You hadn't relied on your abilities as a Squaller since you'd lived in Ravka, and before you'd decided to stop, you mostly used them in summer or when Kaz needed a distraction in the middle of a negotiation in the rarer times they'd taken place outdoors, something to put the opposition a little on edge.

But then, they became noticeable. You stopped sleeping quite as comfortably as you used to, spending hours trying to get comfortable, trying to will your mind to quiet. You woke up and took to coffee to keep you awake, often running on between two and four hours to boot.

Because of your tiredness, dark circles developed under your eyes. Your appetite lessened and you grew to be tired all the time, even on a rarer night where your body rested for seven or eight hours. You still relied on the coffee even then, and Nina was beginning to take notice of the fact that you hardly ate.

Kaz had long taken notice of the exhaustion you exhibited even after jobs that you'd always considered pretty easy, ones that didn't require as much effort, as much physical strain, as the bigger heists always tended to.

Jesper had long taken notice of how much coffee you drank, the fact that you always seemed to have jurda on you even in the middle of the day, and Inej noticed it when your pace began to slow, afraid to walk at the pace you normally did because you didn't want to risk heart palpitations.

Wylan was beginning to notice when those heart palpitations kicked in, was the one to grab your hand and look at you, brown eyes silently trying to ask if something was wrong only to receive nothing in response.

One by one, each of the crows noticed something, and still, none of them said a word. They could've been wrong, they knew. All of them acknowledged that they could've been dramatizing things, making things out to be worse than they actually were.

The only one who was sure of the things they'd noticed was Kaz. You were someone who mattered to him. Of course he was going to notice if you were out of sorts. Observance was his pedigree.

So, one day, Kaz showed up at your door. "What's wrong?" He'd asked. "What is wrong with you, Y/N?"

You'd laughed, a lame, tired laugh. You'd barely slept three hours, and the long-term exhaustion was starting to finally have an impact. Kaz's tone was humorless, blunt like the edge of a knife gone too long without being run across a sharpening block.

It was normally gravel, normally coffee grounds being poured into a coffee press, but it was not that, not that day. It was the unsharpened edge of a knife, the voice that did not belong to the man you loved but rather to one they called Dirtyhands.

"What's wrong with me?" You asked. "Nothing, Kaz. Nothing is wrong with me."

"Exhaustion," Kaz said. "You drink coffee and chew jurda near constantly. You sleep hours after jobs that aren't even tiring. You are constantly tired because you can't sleep unless you are at the point wherein your body will die without resting. You get two hours most nights, four, six, on luckier ones. Nina has also noticed that you eat less lately. Wylan says you've been having heart palpitations and Matthias has noticed you zoning out. Why?"

"Why do I feel like that's a rhetorical question?"

"It's not. Stop trying to flirt."

"I'm not trying to flirt," you laughed again, a shallow, hollowed out version of the laugh Kaz recognized. "If I were trying to flirt, you'd know. I would know it was working because your cheeks would be tinged pink, which, of course, is something you'd deny."

Kaz laughed humorlessly once more. "What, are you sick?"

You paused. Some part of you had known he'd guess at that. With that realization came the one that he already knew why you were sick. Inej must've known, must've snooped for Kaz when the trust you shared was still developing. He was Kaz Brekker, and he had to know somehow, didn't he?

"You're a Squaller," he said, the words falling from his lips like they were something he'd forgotten, like the fact that you could summon the wind was something he'd merely heard and disregarded after having deemed it unimportant. "You're a Squaller, and you're one who hasn't summoned for at least six months. Why not?"

"I saw no point," you said. "Let me guess, though, you've known since I came in, since I joined up?"

"I've known since the night we confronted Bolliger about double dealing," Kaz said. "Geels, the negotiations. It was the day before--"

"The day before you came to me with the Ice Court proposition," you said with a nod. "I remember. What tipped you off?"

"The breeze," Kaz said. "It was late winter, and breezes like that are commonplace, sure, but after a bout of rain? Wind like that doesn't just happen. Especially not considering the fact that it nearly tipped Geels over, and Geels was nearly seven feet tall. It gave me something to use in the moment, and I just kind of noticed whenever you'd do it while I was falling short from then on. Nobody else knows."

"Well you'll need to grant me some leniency, Brekker. I stopped summoning because I didn't see a point."

"if the point of summoning is to keep you alive and healthy, I have to say, I see no sensible reason that one would stop," Kaz said. "You're deteriorating. I know you think it can't get any worse, but it can, and it will."

"I know," you said. "Relax. Let me find the proper time, when it doesn't feel like it'll be an inconvenience, and I'll give it a go."

Kaz looked at you solemnly for a minute before he nodded.

"Right, then," he said. "Work needs doing." He turned to go, and you watched him leave, not saying a word as he left, only closing your eyes and hoping for even another few moments of rest.

The next time you summoned, it was June and you hadn't summoned in a year. You were sitting in Kaz's office, the window open as you discussed heist plans with him, Jesper, Inej, and the rest of the crows.

The heat was growing unbearable, so you willed a strong breeze to flow gently through the room, making the area feel a bit colder, much to everyones delight. Kaz shot you a look because Ketterdam in the summer was not prone to breezes on humid days like that one, and you felt some of the energy that was long gone move back into your system, a spark of joy and pride at your small science lighting up in your chest.

You allowed yourself a small smile as you leaned back in the chair you'd occupied.

You were still sick, still frail and tired and coffee-reliant, but you were getting back to normal. You decided, in the moment, that that was what mattered.

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #six of crows #shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix

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juletheghoul · 1 year ago

Text

Let Me Follow (Part 6)

AN: Phew! So this was fucking torture. I don't even know how to explain how hard it's been for me lately. Interaction on this site has been abysmal-and while I know we do this for fun, it sort of feels like I'm talking to myself sometimes. It's so hard to not take other people's success personally but I am trying! I have such a clear vision of where this story will go, and I have so much planned that I don't want to give up. I figured the best way to build up my self-esteem, build up my confidence was to go back to how I did it in the beginning, just write, and post. I've done my best to edit this myself, but it hasn't been beta'd. Hopefully, it pays off, enjoy! xo (enjoy the softness before the storm😅)

Joel Miller x F!Reader

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader

Word Count: 4K

Warnings: (18+ NO MINORS) angst, language, age-gap (about 10-11 years, legal, reader is of age), Yearning, post-apocalyptic world, piv sex (wrap it up!), the softest version of this Joel that I've written to date, Grief, panic attack / ptsd / nightmare

Let me know if I missed anything!

reblogs are appreciated

Masterlist Series Masterlist

It felt wrong to smile, almost silly. How could anyone smile with how things were in the world? With Johnny gone, with the pounding pain in the back of your head, with the effort and the hunger shredding a hole through your insides—you’d wipe it off your face. Had managed to keep it off for a long time, but then an animal had jumped onto the road and Joel’s arm had shot out in a protective gesture and it had creeped back in.

“Looks like the rest of the way is on foot.” What had started out as a grinding noise, had quickly turned into dark plumes of smoke from the engine, filling the car with an acrid smell. “Shouldn’t be too far now, few hours.” His scowl was in place, but you saw it differently now–saw it for what it was. A mask, a representation of what this world did to you.

“We can manage that.” Ellie was grabbing her pack, helping Luke with the door before making her way towards the direction Joel pointed you all in.

“Yes, we can definitely manage that.” You smiled at her, wincing slightly at the way your head pounded.

“You okay, Sunny?” His hand lands gently on the side of your neck, turning your face towards his. “You can walk, right?” His hand sweeps up, prodding gently at the throbbing goose egg on the back of your head.

“Yeah, I’m okay, my head hurts like a bitch though. Need water soon.” His scowl seems so different now, it’s worry you see there now, instead of anger. He nods once, lingering for a moment before turning and leading the way. Luke doesn’t comment on the exchange, just gives you a small smile and follows Joel, but Ellie; she gives you a toothy grin and a thumbs up.

Hours pass, thick trees give way to open space. A vast, beautiful landscape stretching out before all of you, seemingly untouched. Everyone is quiet, but alert as you all move closer to your destination.

“How much longer do you think we have left, Joel?” Ellie is lagging a little bit, the hunger and thirst evident in her voice.

“Shouldn’t be too much longer.” He turns to look at her, slowing down to let her catch up but he tenses at the sounds of horses just over the ridge in front of you. His gun flies up, but there are too many. Instantly you’re all surrounded by armed people on horseback, twenty people at least. “Get behind me.” He raises his hands in supplication, letting the gun fall onto his shoulder. “We ain’t lookin’ for any trouble, we’re just passin’ through.”

“Drop the gun.” The person in front of Joel has a rifle pointed at him, a lot of them have guns pointed at the four of you. They have coverings on the lower halves of their faces, the one closest to Joel is yelling, and Joel drops his gun. “You-” He gestures to you, Luke and Ellie. “Take five steps back, separately.”

“How about we just talk this through-” Joel starts to speak before anyone moves.

“How ‘bout you shut the fuck up.” The man cuts him off, and gestures to the rest of you.

“It’s okay, do what he says, we’ll be okay.” You nod at Ellie, moving away from Joel, your own hands up.

“You been near infected?” The man asks no one in particular.

“There’s no infected out here.” Joel responds.

“The hell there ain’t!” The man answers before whistling, from somewhere behind them another man emerges with a dog. “Last chance for a bullet, if you’ve been infected, he will smell it, and he will rip you up.” The dog barks, and your heart sinks. Ellie looks to you, big eyes pleading and you take a tentative step towards her, stopping when another of the riders points his gun at you. The dog makes his way over to Joel, sniffing at his feet for a moment before rising up, friendly.

“Like I said,” Joel calls out. “We’ll just move on.”

“Now the rest of you.” The man calls out, and the dog sniffs Luke, and then you, moving on lastly to Ellie. Your stomach drops and your hand inches towards the knife in your pocket but after a tense breath, the dog licks Ellie’s hands. You can’t help but take a deep breath in relief.

“You just bought yourself more seconds.” The man doesn’t lower his gun. “What are you doin’ out here?”

“We’re just lookin’ for my brother, that’s all, nothin’ more.” A woman rides forward at his words, her dark eyes focused intently on Joel’s face.

“What’s your name?” She asks him.

“Joel.” He answers, and it’s the magic word. She gestures for them to lower their guns. “Joel Miller, right?” She lowers the covering.

“Yeah, do I know you?” His voice is thick with confusion.

“I know Tommy, come on, we’ll lead you to him. Give them a few horses.” She calls out the command to no one in particular, but they rush to obey her nonetheless.

You ride with them, nervously clutching Joel where you sit behind him on the horse they gave him.

“You’re okay Sunny, just hold on. Don’t squeeze your thighs.” He speaks low and you take a deep breath.

“Sorry, I’m afraid of falling off.” You tighten your grip on him, squeezing tightly around his middle.

“I won’t let you.” He presses his hand to yours, reassuring you.

It isn’t long before you arrive at a high wall, with people walking along the top of it. A giant gate is closed to all, until Maria–the woman on the horse gives a signal, and the giant gate opens up for your party. The scene that greets you just inside the gates shocks you into silence. It’s a town, a lively, inhabited, working town. People mill about a central high street, kids play and watch your party move through the street with curiosity instead of fear.

It’s a lot to take in, working lights and shops seemingly open and in good condition, scaffolding and people repairing things–working together.

“Tommy!” Joel yells out, startling you and you see one of the men on the scaffolding turn and look, rapidly making his way down while Joel dismounts the horse you’re sharing and runs towards him. It makes you smile to see and hear Joel so happy, to see him find his own brother and it makes you think of Johnny.

I wish you could have seen this place, Johnny.

–

The food tastes too good to keep any semblance of decorum, instead you shove it into your mouth faster than you can chew it, breathing deeply through your nose in order to fill your belly. Maria and Tommy sit across from the three of you in what was essentially a town cafeteria–Luke had been taken straight to the town doctor and you’d all been assured he’d be fed.

Joel speaks, Ellie argues, and you keep quiet. Tommy and Maria are an item, and if you had to hazard a guess, Tommy has been less than kind in his description of his older brother. There’s something in the air between them, Maria and Tommy, the two of them versus Joel. A look of judgement in her gaze and it raises your hackles.

“The house across the street from us is empty, the one next to it too if you wanted your own place–” She looks at you but Joel cuts her off.

“We stay together. The three of us.” He reaches over, taking your hand in his. Tommy isn’t the only one who’s found someone and it makes your heart soar to have him claim you openly like this.

“That works.” She smiles politely, Tommy too. “How ‘bout a tour?” Joel nods, and you make your way out, with a full belly and a full heart.

The town is well and truly a marvel, the culmination of hard work, strategic location and the well oiled machine that is their patrol. They’ve managed to rebuild a functioning, safe town; full of most of the comforts the world had had before, only on a much smaller scale. You keep quiet as she guides the three of you through their little corner of normalcy, unable to stop yourself from noting where all of the supplies are kept, where the food stores are, how many horses are in the stable.

There’s a tense energy flowing between Joel and Tommy, something unspoken in the air, an anger, a resentment and you can’t exactly blame Joel for his share of it. His brother has been here, safe and happy, with a purpose–content to leave his brother in the dark in order to protect what they have here. You can almost understand why, there’s something else though, something in the way Maria watches Joel that plants a seed of suspicion in your brain. Your suspicion deepens and if you had to hazard a guess, he’s told her some unsavoury things about the man you’d come to–what, love? The thought is sobering, you push it away.

Maria suggests showing you where you’ll be staying, mentions getting cleaned up while she moves away from them, gesturing for the two of you to follow, and with a nod from Joel, you do.

The house was furnished from before, everything old and a bit dusty, but otherwise in good condition. Relatively clean, working lights, a hot shower. Heaven. You stay in there a little longer than necessary, too content in the warmth of the water to make it as quick as you’d planned. Your little trailer–although having served as an oasis by today’s standards–didn’t hold a fucking candle to this.

You smile to yourself, picturing Joel melting in the warmth, his handsome face tipped back in unadulterated joy. It almost made you regret not waiting for him, almost. That first time Johnny had rigged up the trailer to catch rainwater and figured out a way to somehow connect the whole thing to a powersource and heat it, that same feeling coursed through you now as the steam filled the ensuite, only now it was painted with a bittersweet brush. You’d gotten good at pushing away thoughts of Johnny and what could have possibly–probably–happened to him, and you did it again now. You forced his breezy smile, his dumb jokes, the comforting piece of home that he’d been out of your mind and focused on getting clean.

Maria had left some clothing for the three of you in the house, doing a remarkably accurate job at guessing what would fit and once dressed, Ellie had run out of the house, itching to explore. It served you well enough. It gave you time to rest and to regroup. It gave you a chance to think about exactly what it was you wanted to do now that something like this was an option.

—

The house looks normal, really normal. Not just the normal he’s had to adjust the definition of the word to over the last twenty years, either. It’s just a house. It’s just a suburb, just a neighbourhood relatively untouched, by the ravages of the last two decades. A two-story home with good bones, a home he imagined could be stable for him, for Sarah.

The thought of her forces the air out of his chest, punches it out of him with the force of a gunshot. He hadn’t let himself think about her in so long that it shakes him, freezes him where he stands on the porch like some sort of statue. It had been twenty years since he’d lost her, and yet he can still smell her hair in his nose, can still feel the weight of her in his arms, can still hear the sound of her voice and it breaks his heart all over again. He squeezes his eyes shut tight and lets the anger, and the hurt, the rage of his monumental loss pass engulf him.

His heart pounds in his chest, the blood it beats booming like a drum in his ears. His vision blurs as he stands there, terrified and bewildered, swaying as though caught in a massive wave and struggling to breathe. His hand shoots out and he braces himself against the wall of the house. He focuses on the brick under his hand, the grit of it digging into his palm.

Breathe Joel, breathe.

His lungs fill with air.

In. Out. Repeat.

His vision eventually clears as he catches his breath, the pounding in his ears lessens and he finally feels like he can move his legs and after a few more steadying breaths, he leaves whatever the episode was, and the memory of his daughter on the porch.

—

He groans as he makes his way up the stairs and you can’t help but smile, anticipation and excitement and a whole bunch of feelings you can’t, or maybe won’t name swirling in your gut as you wait for him to find you. The scowl is there when he finally opens the right door, his eyes burning into yours but there’s something else there too.

“Everything okay?” You sit up at the sight of him, pale and no doubt clammy by the looks of him, “Did something happen?” The fear doesn’t creep, it slams into you.

“No no, everythin’s okay. Just tired.” His eyes soften, but only a little. “You look…cozy.” He raises an eyebrow at finding you in bed, quite obviously cleaned up and relaxing. “Shower working?”

“Yes, I am very comfortable. It’s a real bed, Joel—real blankets and a real house… lights and hot water.” You can’t help but gush, and smile and kneel up to speak to him, “go, go shower and get clean. Maria brought us some clothes, here—“ you all but crawl out of the bed and rush over to the dresser, grab him a towel and soft sleep things, hurrying to shove them into his hands.

“Hold your horses, girl—where’s Ellie?” He quirks his head, listening for her.

“She’s fine, in the bedroom down the hall, she was passed out when I checked in on her about an hour ago. Now go! Get clean, mister.”

“Okay okay, Sunny, I’m goin’.” Both his tone and his smile are soft, “be right back.” He grumbles halfheartedly, but does what you ask all the same.

He takes just as long as you thought he might, the hot water and steam casting its spell on him, just as it had on you.

“Jesus Christ,” He looks so much softer than you’ve ever seen him, standing at the door in a loose shirt and some boxer shorts, holding his dirty pile of rags, “that was the best shower I’ve taken in years.” He sets down the pile before making his way over to the bed.

“Life Changing, truly.” You smile up at him, giddy at the thought of having him here, safe and protected, in a real bed. “I had almost forgotten what it was like.” You move in a little closer as you speak, itching to snuggle up to him, but keeping your distance all the same. Despite his kiss, his open declaration in the dining hall, it wasn’t easy to forget being pushed away.

“The little setup you had was pretty good.” He must see the doubt, must see the way your fingers twitch with want and he makes the first move, pulling the blanket up and opening his arms. You crawl into his embrace with a toothy grin.

“Nowhere near as good as this.” You bury your face into the skin of his neck and inhale, eyes rolling into the back of your head when his clean scent hits you, “God, I love soap.” You all but moan it into his neck and he laughs, a genuine, deep rumble that fills your heart with something.

“Yeah I bet you do, I’m sorry about the state of me before. You smell pretty great yourself.” He wraps himself closer too, skimming his nose along any inch of skin he can reach and it’s almost as if the world outside doesn’t exist. This is the only thing that matters. Him, you, this bed—Ellie, safe in her room.

“I scrubbed a lot, l probably took off a few layers of skin.” You run your fingers through his hair, basking in the feeling of his touch, basking in his voice and the soft caress of his breath against your skin. Ignoring the tiny little voice that warns he might change his mind later.

Stop that, just enjoy a good fucking thing here.

You scold yourself, bringing your focus back to him.

“Me too, reckon I needed it, bad.” His hands move from your back, up to your skull and you wince when he touches the goose egg. “Still hurts? I should go find Tommy, see if he’s got any painkillers for you.” He almost goes to move away and while your heart sings at his readiness to leave the comfort of this to take away your pain, your fingers dig into his back and hold.

“Don’t you dare.” He laughs, and gets back into place.

“Yes ma’am, I’ll do it in the morning.” He takes another look at where you’d been hurt before tucking you close, and pulling the blanket up over you both. “It feels so strange to lay here, almost normal.”

“I know, it’s almost too weird.” Your leg lifts of its own accord and hooks over his middle, “I have my knife on the nightstand beside me, but I almost feel like I should have it under my pillow.”

“I know what you mean, been livin’ in fear a long time. That doesn’t just go away after a hot shower and a good meal.” His hand comes down and holds onto your thigh, as though you’d both done this a million times, you smile into his neck.

“Can we stay here?” The question has been there all day, burning a hole in the back of your brain and into the tip of your tongue, “Do you want to stay here?”

“I don’t know, I don’t even know what I’d do with myself here.” You bite your lip at his admission, “If you wanted to, I would. I’d go wherever you go.” His tone is soft again, his eyes averted and you can see it’s hard for him to admit that out loud. “I know I’m hard to be around sometimes, but I’m tryin’.” His hand sweeps up your thigh as he speaks, giving himself something to focus on, ground himself with.

“I know, Joely. I can see it.” You lean in and kiss his cheek, pressing yourself closer to him, pushing past the lump in your throat to speak. “Once Ellie does what she needs to do, we can all live here.”

“We’ll have to see how that goes, her and the fireflies.” He says nothing more, and you leave it there.

A yawn slips out and before you’ve even finished, he’s reaching over and turning off the light on his side. His arms, the soft sweep of his hands on your skin, his voice in your ear and his lips at your temple all work their magic and lull you into a deep, dreamless sleep.

His whole body twitches, and that’s what wakes you up, bleary eyed and half terrified. You barely have time to rub at your eye with the heel of your hand before he’s moving again, his head jerking side to side and you call to him, but he doesn’t hear you.

“Joel, wake up,” you put your hand on his shoulder, softly, “Joel!”

He lurches forward violently, his arms flailing in the darkness and you know he’s still in the nightmare, the terror bleeding through into reality for a moment before he realizes where he is.

“It was just a bad dream,” you reassure him, keeping your voice soft and calm, “you’re okay, come.” You open your arms to him and even though he’s awake, he still takes a few deep breaths before moving. Whatever he’d dreamt, it had been bad. He breathes hard as he settles beside you, the sheen of terror shining on the parts of his face illuminated by the moon filtering into the room. “Do you want to talk about it?” You run your fingers through his hair, doing your best to soothe him.

“I–” He frowns, opening his mouth, then closing it, and repeating the action a couple of times before answering again, “It’s just, everythin’.” He lets go of a big breath, and melts into the bed, melts into you. “I just, I dreamt somethin’ bad happened–I think. I don’t even know anymore.” his breath fans across your skin as he speaks, raising goosebumps in its wake.

“I get it,” You press your lips to his neck, “Happens to me too, sometimes.”

The novelty of this moment isn’t lost on you, the stark contrast between when you first met and now would have been unbelievable to you back then.

“First night in a real bed, and this is what happens.” He scoffs in the dark. The words are meant to be light, but he can’t hide the annoyance threaded in the tone.

“Well, we could take advantage,” your thumb brushes against the plump of his lower lip, but you don’t push it further, “what do you think?” He almost doesn’t let you finish your sentence, instead his mouth presses against yours, forestalling any further conversation, and filling your stomach with butterflies.

It’s almost embarrassing how fast your body responds to him, the trail his hands leave across your skin like an electric current. His palm skates up under the loose shirt and finds the weight of your breast, his thumb brushing over the stiff peak in sync with the groan he feeds directly into your mouth. You scramble to get closer, feeling the frantic energy in his hands and matching it.

It feels so fast, feels like just a moment before you’d been sleeping and not clamouring to eat each other alive. But it also feels so slow, like no matter how hard you both breathe one another in, no matter how quickly you rip off each other's layers, you cannot get close enough, fast enough.

It’s then that the realization hits you. There, on the edge of this bed that isn’t yours, but could be. It’s there when the layers are finally fucking gone, when your mouths are fused together but barely moving, when you’re finally fully seated and your aching pussy is stretched around the thickness of him.

I love you.

His forehead rests against yours while you sit on him, snug, and tight, and wet. The two of you sharing each other's breath, the nightmare forgotten, or most likely repressed. You try to shoo the thought away and focus on the way he feels, on the way he fills you so perfectly. You focus on the hands that hold onto your ass, on the broken moans he breathes onto your skin.

God, I love you.

It pops up again, unbidden and you frown to yourself, trying again to focus on him.

“What’s wrong baby?” His eyes are on you now, his frown a mixture of pleasure and worry. “Am I hurtin’ you?” He holds your chin so tenderly, it makes your heart ache.

“No, Joely, it feels so good.” You kiss him, relishing in the fact that you can, but it isn’t enough because he pulls away for a moment.

“You sure?” He cradles your face in his big hands and it’s a double edged sword. It’s everything you never thought you’d have, it’s comfort and belonging, but it’s also a void. A black hole you could fall into, and never crawl out of. It’s a weakness, a stupid, wreckless risk that this world no longer seems to have any space for. You can see it, the black pit of despair in his eyes, the trust and gamble it is to love another person and it shifts like the colours of an oil slick stain on concrete when it rains. From terrifying, to beautiful.

“I’m okay, I promise.” You press a soft kiss to his mouth again, and lie to both him, and yourself.

---

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#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller fic #tlou fic #joel tlou #tlou #pedro pascal characters #pedropascal #pedro pascal character fanfic #joel the last of us

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dinsverdika · 2 years ago

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Back Together (one shot)

Pairing: Din Djarin/Reader

Tags (as posted on AO3): established relationship, smut, fluff, gloved fingering, vaginal fingering, naked female clothed male (at least at the beginning), vaginal sex, cum tasting, dirty talk, reader is AFAB

Word count: 1,812

Notes: this is my first smut piece with Din, it'd been posted on AO3 months ago. It's also the last piece I needed to crosspost on Tumblr (until I post more Din stuff, at least.)

EDIT: I've changed the title as I've mixed it up with something else and only noticed it now.

You walked out of the fresher with nothing but a towel wrapped around your still slightly damped body. Din was sitting on the edge of the cot, waiting for you. He had told you that he would put The Child to bed while you were cleaning yourself so you two could have some time alone together. Din looked up at you when you stepped forward to him. He grabbed you by the hips when you were within arm’s reach and pulled you closer to him. He deeply sighed as he looked over your almost naked body, “I’ve missed you, mesh’la.”

You sighed as well as he started running his gloved hands along your sides, “I’ve missed you, too, Din,” you murmured back.

Din took another few minutes to admire your body, his hand roaming all over it eagerly. Warmth started pooling between your thighs when he slightly tugged at the bottom rim of the towel which was resting on your mid-thighs.

He looked at you through the visor of his helmet, “Can I…?” he asked and you nodded positively.

The makeshift knot you made with the top rim of the towel came loose as Din tugged harder on it. You shivered when the coldness of the Razor Crest hit your now completely naked body. Din straightened his spine to take a good look at your body, he gazed at it through his t-shaped visor as if you were the most beautiful person in the galaxy.

“You look so beautiful,” he said, sounding mesmerised by you. “You should be worshipped.”

The air rushed out of your lungs at the praise, the arousal in your lower tummy growing even stronger.

“Come closer,” he asked and you stepped in between his legs. His hands were kneading the soft skin of your hips and you rolled your head back at the sensation.

The last few days had been hectic, you had stayed low in the ship with The Child while he was gone to get a bounty. You’d be lying if you said that you hadn’t grown a little touch-starved.

“I’ve missed your touch,” you admitted without meaning to.

“So have I…” he replied, resting his head between your breasts. The cold of the beskar made you shiver again, “I couldn’t get you out of my head, all I wanted to do is give up on this bounty and get back to you and Grogu.”

You cupped his helmeted face and made him look up at you, “but you’re here now and I’m all yours.”

Din nodded and ran his hands down your body. “I wanna make you feel good,” he said when his hands slid down to your thighs. You let out a deep sigh and parted your legs so one of his hands could slide between them. A gasp escaped your lips when two gloved finger pads ran across your folds.

“Din…” you moaned as he started drawing tight tiny circles on your sensitive bundle of nerves when he had coated his fingers with your slick. This is exactly what you needed, “I don’t think I’m gonna last long,” you warned, already feeling your orgasm creeping up on you.

“That’s fine,” he reassured you, moving his hand so only his thumb was rubbing on your clit while he used his other hand to slide two fingers in your warm centre, “I don’t intend on giving you only one orgasm anyway.”

You loudly moaned and threw your head back as his fingers reached that sensitive spot within you. “But- but I wanna make you feel good too,” you whined.

Din shushed you, “don’t worry about that, focus on how I’m making you feel for now.” You bit your bottom lip, trying to hold back the moan coming up your throat. The pressure in your lower stomach was getting tighter and tighter with each passing second.

“Din, I’m getting close,” you warned once more. You put your hands on his shoulders to secure yourself.

“Come for me, cyar’ika. Come on my fingers,” he said and that’s all it took for your orgasm to overtake you. You cried out in ecstasy, you tightened the grip on his shoulders and Din wished he didn’t have his armour on so he could feel your nails digging into his skin. He growled as you shouted his name, his fingers speeding up their ministrations. He could feel you spasming around them and it made his cock twitch within its confines, wishing you were milking it instead of his fingers. He dragged your orgasm out until you pushed his hands away, the overstimulation becoming too much to handle.

The lewd sound his fingers made when he pulled them away from your warm centre resonated in the quietness of the ship and you could feel your cheeks turning red. Your embarrassment was cut short when you heard Din humming as he licked his fingers clean, tasting your release. Your breath hitched at the vision, arousal taking over you again.

“Do you like how I taste?” you asked, feeling confident.

“You know I always do, lover,” Din replied as he pushed his helmet back over the bottom half of his face. The pet name made your heart melt.

Din stood up and grabbed you by the hips, turning the both of you around so you were now standing where he was standing a few seconds prior. He gently ran his hands up your body until they grabbed your shoulders. He gently pushed on them, indicating you to lay down on the bed. He looked down at your body when your back hit the mattress.

“Are you gonna keep staring at me or join me? I’m starting to get cold,” you teased, raising yourself on your elbows. Din shook his head, pushing his sinful thoughts away.

“Of course,” he said, quickly removing his armour.

You sighed when you finally felt his warm body against yours, you wasted no time in wrapping your legs around his waist. His hardened cock was pressed against your wet folds and you rutted against it, grunting when the ridge of his cock nudged against your clit.

The familiar hiss of his helmet being taken off resonated in the cot and you instinctively cupped his face with your hands, Din leaned into the touch, “your hands feel so soft, so warm,” he murmured.

“Kiss me,” you asked.

Din leaned down and granted your wish. His lips felt gentle against your eager ones. His hips started moving against yours as the kiss deepened and you both moaned into each other’s mouths. You tightened your legs around his waist, wanting more. Din pulled away from the kiss first, “are you ready for more?” he asked after he had slid one of his hands between your bodies, lining the head of his cock with your entrance.

“I am,” you exhaled.

Din pushed into you and your back arched at the sensation. Your face was now caged by his forearms as he carefully studied it for any signs of discomfort. You both deeply sighed when he was finally sheathed inside you, looking into each other’s eyes and enjoying the feeling of being so close together.

“I could stay like this forever,” Din admitted.

“So could I,” you replied. “I always feel so empty when you’re gone, I keep looking forward to feeling filled by you again.”

Din grunted at your confession and snapped his hips against yours, drawing a moan out of you.

“I’m going to make you come so many times, cyare. I want to hear you moan my name like a prayer, I want the entire galaxy to know who you belong to. Who do you belong to, treasure?”

“To you, I belong to you, Din,” you said, “and you belong to me.”

“That’s right,” Din replied, speeding up his thrusts.

The sound of flesh clapping together was getting louder within the cot. You slid your hands in his hair and pulled his mouth down against yours. You kept on kissing him as you started moving your hips in tandem with his. His length was pressing into you so deliciously, making you drunk on pleasure. Din moved onto his knees, his chest still pressed against yours. The angle he was now thrusting with hit that special spot inside you repeatedly, making you see stars.

You shouted his name as several shockwaves of pleasure washed over your body. You clenched around his cock.

“I want you to come on my cock, can you do that for me?” growled Din in your ear. You nodded enthusiastically, at loss for words.

Din, feeling his own orgasm coming up, slid his hand between the both of you to where you were joined and resumed rubbing on your clit, wanting you to come before him. The sensation of his fingers on you added to his strong thrusts brought you to your second climax of the night. Pleasure coursed through your veins, your toes curled and your nails scratched down his back. He hissed at the pain but hearing you moaning his name and feeling you tightening around his length tipped him over the edge. He moaned into your neck and penetrated you deeply one last time, ropes of his cum coating your inner walls.

You both lied there for a while, enjoying the afterglow with your chests heaving against each other. Din peppered kisses in your neck while one of your hands was stroking his back. You felt him smirking against you and you gasped when his teeth sank into the sensitive skin of your neck, he quickly soothed the pain with his tongue.

“What was that for?!” you asked.

“We’re both marked now,” he said teasingly, referring to the scratching marks on his back.

Din pulled out of you when your laughter had died down. His mouth was quickly back between your legs before you could protest at the loss of having his shaft inside you.

He growled at the taste of your releases together, “‘tastes so good, cyar’ika.”

You came a third time, a more subdued orgasm but pleasurable nonetheless. Din finished licking you clean and kissed up your body languorously, he could never get enough of you. He didn’t ever want to get enough of you, he wanted to crave you and your body forever, show you how much you meant to him every minute of the day for eternity. When his lips met yours, you could taste yourself and him on his lips. You sighed into the kiss.

Din finally rolled the both of you around so you could rest on his chest, you settled your head on it, your ear right above his heart. The comforting noise of his heartbeat was quickly lulling you to sleep. Din pulled the blanket over you both, not wanting you to get cold.

“You should go to sleep, lover, sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams to you, too, Din.”

#din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #mando x you #mando x reader #the mandalorian #smut #afab!reader #my writing

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owlsandwich · 4 months ago

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Writing Share Tag

Thank you @eccaiia for tagging me! I've been editing Darkness a bunch this evening so excited to share something :D

I'll tag @late-to-the-fandom @mundanemoongirl and @teacupsandstarlight

Here's a fun bit of Julian getting a much-needed lecture from Celica:

“I need to leave the network,” Julian said as soon as they were out of earshot.

“Of course you do. I should have guessed. Your word is dirt, Julian.”

“I’ve been called back to court. My responsibilities outweigh any personal affections, as you should know.”

Celica bristled. “Oh, so Daddy found out and now you’re running home without any consequences.”

“...I’m sorry you weren’t given that option.”

“I’d never have taken it regardless!”

Julian tilted his head, shaking off the snow that had settled in his hair. “I’d thought better of you. Your family’s reputation was all but destroyed.”

"Because of you!" Celica growled. "Advancing our society with kindness and fairness, allowing our people to live the lives they wish — these things were no threat to the court until your father declared them to be. I shouldn't have had to choose!" She rested a hand on the gate, gazing at her home as though seeing something beyond the house before her. "You live in the past," she continued. "Holed up in your mansion, seeing danger around every corner. When will you realise that the world moves on? Time passes whether you embrace it or not, and sooner or later, it will leave you behind."

“Do you really think they don't see you for what you are? You're a fool to mingle with humans. They would gladly kill you if they had the power. I hope you remember who to thank that they don’t. Rowan’s war stories weren’t that long ago.”

“For us, Julian. It’s not long ago for us. For them, it’s generations. Rowan was human once. You’ve turned one yourself. Are you honestly going to stand there and tell me that Oren wanted you dead?”

Julian choked on his reply. “The ones we turn are different. They always have been.”

“Things are always different when they happen to you, aren’t they.” Celica rolled her eyes. “I assume you’re taking him with you, whether he wants to leave or not.”

“No. I need you to keep him on.”

Celica laughed; a snap that resonated down the empty street. “You actually... You genuinely expect me to change my conditions, just for you? Because it suits your purposes?” She shook her head, eyes shining with bitter amusement. "I forget you’re so special, Julian. Everyone’s just waiting to swoop in and clean up your mess."

Julian grit his teeth. “He didn’t choose this, Celica.”

Her expression soured. “I know. He told Ada tonight.”

“Then you must see why I’m asking. He won’t hunt. This will turn him feral!”

“You knew the terms when you agreed to them.”

“You’d sacrifice an innocent just to hurt me.” Julian said. It wasn’t a question.

“If forcing an innocent through an eternity of torment was the price to pay to cause you a mere moment of pain, I would pay it gladly.” Her carefully constructed curls were unwinding in the damp. Sharp fangs glinted at the corners of her snarl, stripping away any illusion of humanity and leaving something terrifying and beautiful.

Julian took a deep breath. “If you truly meant that, you’d never have offered your help in the first place.”

“I offered you assistance because if I didn’t, you’d have to kill him. Were you arrogant enough to think the bond wouldn’t affect you? If I let you break it, whatever illusion of compassion has infiltrated your shrivelled heart would be gone. You’d go straight back to being what you always were. But like this... You’ll do anything for him. You’ll destroy yourself to keep him safe, without me having to lift a finger, and I’m going to drag it out as long as you’ll let me.”

She watched his reaction with the satisfaction of a cat dissecting a bird, and Julian finally understood.

“Please, Celica. I love him.”

“You don’t know what love is, Julian. Because of you, I have to watch the woman I love age and die. You dare compare your feelings to mine just because you decided to get yourself a pet?”

#writeblr #darknessatheheart #dark romance #vampire fiction #gay vampires

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prof-peach · 2 years ago

Note

Hi,

I'm making a dnd campaign with a pokemon module of 5e and wanted to use a bit edited version of Dotaku Island, Prof. Peach and the crew cause I like your headcannons and work nice with my idea of the inner workings of the Pokemon world.

Is it okay to use them?

It's a campaign with friends and we're not making any profit from it, but still wanted to ask cause now more than ever artist consent is important (even when nothing about this is goong online so normally people woukdn't ask, but I also wanted to say I've been a huge fan of your work for a long time so two birds with one stone ig).

Either way, thanks for showing your work to us here on tumblr and hope this ask isn't too weird :)

Haha sure go for it, I’m chill with non-profit use, and if you ever do post junk let me know so I can snoop.

Fun notes for anyone who may be inclined to do this: THESE DO NOT NEED TO BE USED NOR FOLLOWED, PICK AND CHOOSE IF YOU PREFER.

North is off limits, no exceptions. Being caught there will get you removed from the island on the first ship back to your original region. You will struggle to return here if found in the north. Patrols line the fences to make sure no one goes in, night and day.

Players will take damage if they try to touch peach in any way. Treat her as a high level monk/Druid, who 1000% will throw hands with u and your Pokemon given a good reason. Cold and distant to approach, pawns players off to other staff at any given opportunity. A hermit who will humour you if you can appeal to her better nature, or great desire to fight things. You may lose but it’s the trying that counts.

Wisdom saves (DC28) with Val if you try to touch her. Not only will you gain force damage if you succeed (half damage) or fail (full damage) to lay hands on her, but you’ll see horrifying illusions for a minute relating to loved ones. Frightened condition until a long rest, compelling you not to approach further. I cannot stress this enough. Penalise players for trying to touch her, peach will bluntly warn you once, after that you’re on your own.

Grey regularly hands out handy snacks that may help heal or buff teams. He is warm and open, a good person to approach for hints and tips. Notably found in his labs or out running errands, he’s always kind and gentle, unless that is you threaten his home or his loved ones in a severe way. He is scarier than peach when he’s pushed too hard.

Plenty of staff roam around to offer aid or information, ranging from gardeners, cleaners, shop staff, and specialist keepers who maintain the visitors sections.

A groomers, cafe, food stands, daycare, small fairground with rides and games, a hotel, lighthouse, port, greenhouses and of course multiple lab and practical spaces exist, amongst other interesting buildings.

The resident ranger can offer assistance but she is known to stay quite busy, and so getting her attention may prove difficult if it’s a trivial issue.

Adoption zones are the only approved areas to catch Pokemon, and even then it’s a process that requires a test and paperwork, so everyone involved is able to provide adequate care to the mons in question, and so they know any pre existing conditions.

The islands purpose is recovery, so human needs come in second. The Pokemon will always come first, a fact some visitors may have issue with. The staff will not care and continue to do their job without concern for this.

Year round events make the island busy and people are welcomed to join in with whatever’s going on, be it chilli cooking contests, fairs, pageants, board rental for the sweet ocean waves, or watching a migration pass by. There’s always something to do!

This is all optional, just have fun with it, and I hope your players enjoy! If they ask about it, redirect them to the blog so they can dive on into the content.

#prof.peach #ooc

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decks-writing-blog · 24 days ago

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Gordon Swap Chapter Fourteen: Ugliest Thing I've Ever Laid Eyes On

Chapter One

Previous Chapter

[A/N] I apologize for how long this chapter took to come out. It's long and needed heavy editing which had to be done in addition to my daily Halloween art so it took a while to get done. Here it finally is though! I held onto it for a bit longer with the idea of it being a Halloween treat. Happy Halloween!

Before getting back on the elevator, Gordon through Barney, explained to other-Gordon how exactly the reset power worked because presumably it worked the same for both of them. That they could chose the point they reset to and that it could be in the middle of battle, though with how disorienting resets could be those were hard to do without immediately dying to something else. A lull in the battle or right before one started was the ideal time to reset to. He hadn’t wanted to talk about the specifics but he’d already failed to save his alternate from the pain of death once, it could easily happen again. If it did, he needed to know how it worked so they wouldn’t end up back at the bottom and have to redo everything again.

“I assume it’s not possible otherwise you probably would’ve done it but uh…” other-Gordon began once Barney finished finished relaying Gordon’s explanation, “have you tried going back to before the Resonance Cascade? So you can like… avoid this whole entire situation.”

“Yes. Twice. It only brought me back to right after it.”

Other-Gordon nodded as Barney translated. “If the Cascade is what caused it then I suppose that makes sense. Do we know how it works across our realities or whatever? Like if I died and tried to reset to before the ambush when I lost my hand, would it work?”

Gordon shrugged. His assumption that it wouldn’t had been based off the belief that his alternate already knew of the reset power and thus would’ve tried to use it to get his hand back if he could.

Bubby butted in with, “Don’t test it. I don’t wanna forget that much shit.”

“I wasn’t planning on it. It’s not exactly something I wanna mess around with more than I have to.”

There was a lot they didn’t know about how or why it worked. Even if it was still in theory fascinating, Gordon didn’t care to know any more than he already did.

Regardless they should get a move on. The rest had been well deserved but they needed to end this as soon as possible. Gordon banged the metal on the back of his gauntlet to his forearm, getting everyone’s eyes on him. He then pointed to the elevator before leading the way up the stairs back onto it. Everyone – except for Benrey who’d taken off on his head start once other-Gordon had stood back up – followed suit.

While Gordon and his alternate had sat, Coomer and Bubby and apparently figured out the elevator’s controls. Which mostly meant they’d figured out how to make it ascend faster. Not as much as Gordon would’ve hoped for or even enough to make the balloon guys teleporting in on them struggle to keep up but it was still noticeably faster and thus was an improvement.

Same as before, once the fighting started, Gordon kept an eye on his alternate and on Barney on the other side of him. He wasn’t going to let himself get too lax about it this time though. If Barney died, Gordon would have to reset manually to bring him back as he was the only one of them who could properly die. And if he could help it, he’d make sure his alternate at least wouldn’t die enough to become almost used to it. Doing that made defending himself a bit harder but he could manage.

Thankfully, ever practical, Barney remained mostly on the defensive, unchanged from before. Other-Gordon seemed to have learned his lesson from his first death and stuck close to him instead of extending outward.

When they’d passed the point other-Gordon had died was hard to say but at some point it become obvious that they had to have done so without incident. Used to killing aliens by now, it wasn’t easy but it certainly wasn’t particularly difficult either. Their attackers being limited to the balloon guys made for a slightly easier time as well. Dangerous as their attacks could be, they went down fast.

Eventually they reached a landing. Gordon wouldn’t have stopped for it and just kept them going up but Coomer had placed himself in charge of the elevator’s controls.

“Why are we stopping?” other-Gordon asked a moment before a bolt of lightning from his hand sent a balloon guy who’d just teleported in spiraling down the elevator shaft.

“To explore, Gordon.” Coomer made it sound like the most normal thing in the world to do.

“There might have something useful here,” Tommy added. A more compelling argument but Gordon was a bit too busy reloading his shotgun to help in that search.

Naturally there wasn’t much to search and thus he was barely done with that and tensing for the next wave of enemies before… “Gordon, look! I found buttons! I think we should press one of them.” Coomer was obviously talking to other-Gordon but Gordon glanced over too.

He’d found more than just a button but a whole panel of them. Attached to the landing, they faced inwards towards the elevator as if meant to be pressed while on board. Gordon was too far away to see if there was any text or symbols labeling them but even if there was, it likely would’ve been in an alien language.

“Press one then,” Bubby snapped, also tense and waiting for more attackers. The lulls between waves had been getting longer again but still weren’t long enough to be worth relaxing during. Whatever they were heading towards was pressed enough for its desperation to be almost palpable. It knew it didn’t stand a chance.

“The biggest one,” Tommy said. “Press the biggest one.”

“They’re all the same size.”

“Are we sure we should be messing with it at all?” Barney asked. A fair point but…

“If it’s connected to the elevator it might get us there faster or something,” other-Gordon answered. “Or it might blow us but this tower is big enough that the chance probably worth taking. Press the one at the top of the panel.”

Coomer obeyed. There was a click and something flashed at the top of the panel. The next button down produced a similar click but instead of the panel flashing, the air around them did. Similar to the way it did when stepping through the Vonneguts portals. The biggest difference was that the elevator remained solidly beneath Gordon’s feet.

As the light faded, as always the world around them seemed dark in comparison before everything evened out. They seemed to be the same place so perhaps that had been a bad idea. Nothing bad was happening yet but…

“We’re higher up,” Tommy said. “I think. The tube is thinner.”

Now that he mentioned it, the walls, though the same in colour and texture, were closer together, the landing they were stopped at, smaller. The tower had been wider at the bottom, getting thinner as it got taller. Not a huge difference but enough to notice. From inside it was even less noticeable but they’d potentially just been saved some elevator ride time.

“Thank fuck we don’t have to ride this damn thing up the whole way. Holy shit, that would’ve sucked ass.” Bubby put it in far different terms than Gordon would’ve but it indeed was a relief to be spared from that. Assuming an entirely different kind of problem didn’t arise as a result of this. “Start us going up again so we can finish this bullshit already. I wanna go home.”

“You got it Dr. Bubby!” Coomer turned to head back to the elevator’s main control panel on the other side of it and pressed the button to send it up again.

“Why didn’t they destroy this elevator?” other-Gordon asked, breaking the relief of the teleport shortcut because he had a point. Why hadn’t their adversary broken it? “Whatever we’re trying to kill doesn’t want us to get to it, right? It’s what sending the things after us. And there wasn’t any teleport panel at the bottom where it would make sense to have one. We can presume they broke it or something but why wouldn’t they break everything else too?”

“Maybe um… maybe we have help,” Tommy suggested. “I mean the Vonneguts are helping ‘cause they uh… they want us to kill it too, right? They probably want it dead more than we do since it’s controlling them and stuff. So maybe they found a way to keep the elevator mostly intact somehow.”

“Or maybe something else is helping,” Coomer said.

“Like what?” Barney asked but he wasn’t likely to get an answer because almost as soon as he finished speaking the crackling energy of aliens teleporting filled the air around them. The lull had been nice while it had lasted.

Despite the obvious growing desperation of the thing trying to kill them, they made it to the next landing without anyone dying. This landing was exactly like the one from before except it had a roof above it; proof that they had indeed been teleported up. It also had a broken button panel lying near a doorway, perhaps the reason the top button hadn’t worked earlier.

Through the door was a small flight of steps. Two turns upon it had them climbing up into the open air. The top of the tower.

From afar, the claw like structures at its edges hadn’t seemed like much, even less so the ones holding the red light. Up close was an entirely different story. The red light was much bigger as well, almost painful to look at.

The tower’s purpose had to be to collect whatever Xen’s equivalent to solar energy was to convert to power. There was no other reason for such a tall structure, right? The elevator had to be for maintenance. Maybe that’s why it hadn’t been broken; destroying it would’ve been too big a sacrifice. Gordon would’ve loved to study the place more. Even more tempting was going to the edge and looking out over all of Xen.

“And we made it up here first,” other-Gordon said, lifting his hands in the air and drawing Gordon’s gaze off the edge. “I’m free. Fuck yes.”

“Congratulations Gordon!” Coomer said.

“I hate to be a spoil sport of whatever,” Bubby said, “but we don’t know if we really won yet. That over there,” he gestured to the red light, “looks like another teleporter that’s probably gonna take us to the fucker we wanna kill. Benrey might’ve already got here and gone through. It’s been like a minute since anything attacked us and that could be because the thing is busy with him.”

With a sigh, other-Gordon let his hands flop back to his sides. “Damn it. You’re right. Maybe we should uh… wait around to see though. Because if we are here first then um, it’d probably be easier to kill it with his help.”

“Or if he got here first, it gives him more time to kill it.” Bubby said. “’Cause you’re a little bitch and don’t wanna fight it, huh?”

“That too, yeah.”

“I don’t think waiting’s a good idea,” Barney said. “More of those balloon guys might come and try to fuck us up. We’re kinda low on ammo. Not like we’re immediately ‘bout to run out or anything but we really shouldn’t dawdle or spend any more of it on stuff that isn’t our main target if we can help it.”

“Plus killing them first is part of the race too. Remember Mr. Freeman?” Tommy added. “I wanna win because uh… I want him to do something nice for me.”

Waiting might not be a bad idea though. They could use a rest before stepping into a big unknown battle and whatever Benrey had going on in Xen would make him a huge help in battle if he just applied himself to it. So, if they had arrived first, it might be worth it to wait for him. A few minutes couldn’t hurt.

Gordon lifted his hands, intending to gesture Barney over to help convey those thoughts to the group. Before he could do anything more than that though, the air crackled with energy. A lot of things were teleporting in this time. And they were on stable ground now with space to move. Even so the appearance of one of the giant one eyed aliens uncomfortably close to their left sealed the deal on this not being a good place to rest.

“I do believe it’s time to leave, my good bitches,” Coomer said, somehow not sounding frightened even as he took off running with the rest of them.

As more stuff, small and large alike, teleported in around them, Gordon slowed to put himself at the back. He needed to make sure everyone got through safely. Alien bees shot from the large aliens’ arms, swarmed around them, looking for anything to bite. Fire from the giant alien’s blast licked at Gordon’s heel’s, knocking the suit’s power down by an uncomfortable chunk, even as it threatened to cook him alive inside it. Thankfully before it got bad enough to do too much damage, Tommy vanished into the red light in front him and he quickly followed.

The flash of light was red this time. It faded out to a duller red. The room was dimly lit and the walls, extending up and up to a barely seen ceiling above them, were made of redish stone. Floating in the center was a massive… something. Presumably what they were here to kill because it was clearly alive as it rotated to face them.

“Why does it look like an ancient fetus?” Bubby’s description summed it up rather well, missing only its size and disproportionately large cranium, it did look somewhat like a human fetus but with the kind of wrinkles found only on the very old.

“That has got to be the ugliest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on,” Barney said.

There wasn’t time for further conversation as it attacked. Like most of the aliens under its control, it primary means of attacking was energy based. A whole big wave of it pulsed out from under it towards them, requiring their group to scatter to dodge it.

Fighting something so large was made simpler in that hitting it was easy, one barely had to aim. At the same time though, its attacks were scaled to match its size, making them hard to dodge. The effort to do so combined with the size of the room made it hard to keep track of everyone. Which made the shift back to where they’d teleported in on all the more jarring.

Other-Gordon made a wordless sound of mixed despair and frustration. Damn it. Gordon had failed him again.

“Watch out Gordon!” Coomer said. “There’s little cover here so you should be fast on your feet to avoid taking damage.”

“You died again, huh?” Bubby said. “And I still don’t fucking remember, god damn it. Sucks to be you though. Also, I probably said this last time but I don’t remember it so I’m going to say it again, that thing is fucking hideous. Why does it look like an ancient fetus?”

There wasn’t space for Barney’s agreement this time or for anyone else to chime in with anything else as they had to scatter once more to avoid their adversary’s wave of energy. The exact same attack as before, seemingly no difference whatsoever. It didn’t remember the resets then? Still probably too early to tell for sure but if so, that would make it more predictable and thus easier to kill.

Barney was dead. It had only been a matter of time before it had happened and this was the most dangerous foe they’d faced yet. With only a bullet proof vest to protect him he’d been bored through by the boss alien’s energy orb. An almost perfect basketball sized hole was cut through his abdomen, seared closed, resulting in very little blood as he fell with a thump to the floor.

“He’s dead! What do we… We can’t just…” Other-Gordon’s panic jangled oddly against the empty calm Gordon felt. There wasn’t time to panic. It wouldn’t help. He’d blessedly never witnessed the death of someone he knew well before but it was only a worse version of what he’d seen a lot of immediately following the Resonance Cascade. He knew what to do about it.

Doing it himself wasn’t necessary. It’d be quicker and less painful but doing that where people who would remember could see didn’t sit well with him. So instead he let the next wave of energy hit him.

The HEV suit absorbed it, healing what damage it did do. Its display flashed at 0% percent power and 12% medi-gel capacity. He tensed, waiting for the next one.

“Oh fuck you’re gonna…” The rest of what other-Gordon was going to say was drowned out by the pain shooting through Gordon’s body as an energy orb pushed through him. It felt like it was melting his insides. His scream as always was silent and cut off as time reset to shortly before Barney died.

As soon as he got his bearings, he long jumped over and grabbed Barney by his upper arm, pulling him out of the way just in time. “Whoa, that was a close one. Thanks.”

“Holy shit.” Other-Gordon had come back over too. “That was fucked up.”

“What happened?” Barney asked, accurately catching on that he’d missed something.

Gordon wouldn’t have answered even if he’d been easily able to. Instead he just patted Barney on the shoulder before moving away. If other-Gordon wanted to tell, he could, but probably, hopefully, he wouldn’t.

Coomer died too. He’d decided he wanted to punch the thing, resulting in him being too close when it summoned a wave of energy. Gordon was too far away to see the extent of the damage but the way he fell limp like a rag doll was hard to read as anything other than death.

Not wanting to get hit by the ancient alien fetus’ attack again, Gordon holstered his Tau Canon to grab his pistol instead. He lowered his helmet and…

“Hello, not-Gordon!”

Flinching, he snapped around to face Coomer. How had he gotten behind him? He looked perfectly fine too, not just alive but unharmed. There was more going on with him than just his implants bringing him back. What though? And was it related to his premonitions about the resets?

“Lowering your helmet right now isn’t a wise move. And I’m not sure how effective a dinky little pistol is going to be against such a beast but you do you, friend. I’m going to punch it!” With that he bounded off to indeed punch it again.

Okay then. Gordon would wonder more about him later. For now he put his helmet back up and switched back to a more powerful weapon.

After that, upon witnessing Bubby fall, Gordon didn’t immediately reach for his pistol or prepare to die. He just kept an eye over in that direction for the next few minutes until… Bubby got up again. It wasn’t smooth but he brushed himself off and adjusted his glasses before getting back to focusing on the task at hand.

Intentionally getting closer to Tommy was easy. He was dodging along with the rest of them but wasn’t particularly great at it. He got clipped by more than a few things. None of it seemed to bother him much. He was the most mysterious of all of them. Good for him regardless. It must be nice to be immortal.

Where was Benrey though? There was no way he’d gotten bored and decided to abandon the race, right? It just didn’t seem like him. Something was wrong. Unfortunately Gordon didn’t have time to worry about him right now. Keeping himself, his alternate and Barney alive were much more immediately addressable problems. Hopefully Benrey was okay though.

Even with it being six versus one, their foe wasn’t easy to take down. Its attention shifted randomly, occasionally focusing hard on one of them or just sending out waves of stuff seemingly in hopes of getting all of them. The question of whether or not their attacks were doing much damage were answered by the fact that it bled. Not a lot at first but more and more over time. Anything that bled could die. Which didn’t mean it would stay dead. Coming back from such had somehow become a common trait amongst the people Gordon knew. But they had to try to kill it in hopes of it staying dead.

Unsurprisingly, other-Gordon died again despite Gordon’s best efforts. This time he had the wherewithal to set his reset point only a short time back. Just long for Gordon to lose track of where he was and what was happening around him, resulting in his own painful death. There were downsides to two people having this power, huh? Nothing they could do about that though except do their best to not die in the first place.

Shortly after that Barney went down again too, necessitating another reset to save him. After it happened a third time, Gordon would’ve insisted he leave the battle entirely if such were possible. There wasn’t anywhere to hide though and the room was large but not large enough for anywhere within it to be substantially safer than anywhere else. So he just had to stick near Barney and reset to save him whenever he died.

Their dwindling ammo reserves added to the tension of the fight. Before entering Xen, the Lambda scientists had promised supply drops would be sent in after them, as close to their location as was possible. None had ever come. What they’d brought on their persons coupled with the boon Barney and other-Gordon had found in the research outpost had gotten them this far, helped along by Coomer’s enjoyment of punching things and other-Gordon’s newfound lightning powers. It wouldn’t last much longer though.

Resetting to the start of the battle and encouraging everyone to be as conservative as possible with their ammo was an option. An unappealing one however. The thing was hurt, dripping with yellow puss-like blood. It pooled beneath it in a puddle deep enough to splash when stomped in even despite its thickness. That only made it more frantic though, desperate to fend off its attackers. Like a cornered boar, it was more dangerous than ever. They needed to end it fast.

Having already used all the ammo for his powerful weaponry, the most damaging thing Gordon had left was several packs of C4 and three grenades. Not exactly easy stuff to use against a being floating several feet in the air even if it was quite a bit lower than it had been at the start of the fight. Tossing them and trying to time their explosions for maximum damage would’ve taken practice to get the timing right on and more importantly would be quite hard with also having to not get hit by anything. Leaving only one option if Gordon wanted to use them. A stupid risky one but everything he’d done following putting that wretched sample into the anti-mass spectrometer had led to this moment. He was going to kill it no matter what it took. And then finally he could rest and be free. This horrid nightmare would be over.

First, communicating through Barney, he told Tommy to get and keep its attention. Which he chose to do via moving himself onto one of the springy pads of Xen flora they’d hitherto been avoiding as being airborne wasn’t desirable. Once he got a good bounce going he began shouting insults at it. Not particularly biting insults judging based off his first on being, “You’re ugly and you smell bad,” but it most likely couldn’t understand him anyway so it didn’t matter. Probably the bouncing more than the shouting did get its attention though.

Basically free to move around behind it, Gordon found another springy pad. A couple jumps had him going high enough to land on one of the bits of rock jutting out from one of the walls, creating a little platform about on level with their adversary’s head. There wasn’t enough room for a proper running head start but he did as best he could with the space he had. Thanks to the long jump jetpack he just barely made it atop the thing’s head.

The flesh beneath him softer than he’d expected, he stumbled as he landed, almost immediately tumbling off and ruining the whole plan. But letting himself fall forward, he caught himself on this hands and knees even as it shrieked in anger, thrashing beneath him. Not daring to stand, he crawled forward until he was sliding down onto its face.

Earlier, Bubby had gotten a few well aimed rockets right into one of its eyes, leaving its socket a gaping bloody mess. Beady for its size and moving, it had been quite impressive especially since it had also taken the last of their rocket ammo, the most limited of their resources from the get go. Gordon aimed for that one, catching himself on the edge of it. Up close and personal with it, it was much bigger but still not as much as he would’ve liked. It was slick with yellowy blood, making for poor grip especially with its thrashing. But its wrinkly loose skin provided a grip for his boots to dig into, steadying him slightly. And thus he was able to brace himself just enough to quickly jam his bundle of C4 into the socket, two of his grenades already tied to it, as deep as he could force it. His third grenade, he pulled the pin off with his teeth before shoving that in too. Just in time before his hold broke and he was falling.

This was going to suck. The fall wouldn’t kill him but no doubt it was already preparing to take advantage of how it would stun him. But hopefully it wouldn’t get a chance to. A stupid crazy idea but if it’d failed, he could just…

Its eye socket blew up. The sound was muffled by its flesh but not enough to not be deafening. An entire quarter of its massive head was blown wide open, splattering, blood, brain matter, and bits of its skull everywhere, leaving a massive hole. All movement ceased, the light of its manifesting energy wave fading, it fell, its hindquarters hitting the ground with a meaty thump.

Victory! He’d done it! It was dead! The nightmare was over!

A moment before Gordon hit the ground too, he froze midair. The sudden silence was just as deafening as the explosion had been. His ears ringing was the only assurance that his hearing implants hadn’t failed after all this time. The light vanished, plunging him into utter darkness.

Oh no. Could the ancient alien fetus reset too? That couldn’t be what this was, could it? If it came back, Gordon was going to… He didn’t know what, lose whatever remained of his sanity probably.

Light returned. He was standing now on a small island, floating through Xen, far from the main land. Before him stood the man in a suit with a brief case. A relief in that the thing clearly didn’t seem to be coming back but… what was going on?

“Good work Dr. Freeman. You’ve proven yourself quite competent. I have taken the liberty of relieving you of your weapons, they are government property after all. The suit, however, I feel you’ve earned it, don’t you?”

Gordon looked down at himself. His weapons were indeed gone, even the crowbar despite it being from Black Mesa as had been the pistol. Damn it. He’d killed the thing he’d set out to kill so that should be fine but… it didn’t feel fine in the slightest. A trauma thing no doubt, making him feel like he needed a weapon. But also, whatever this guy was, he had the power to transport him and vanish his weaponry in what had felt like little more than a eye blink. He was dangerous.

“I’d planned for this whole… thing,” he gestured vaguely around himself, “to go differently. I’d intended to get straight to business but now I have another obligation to attend first. I had to… pull a few strings to ensure you got the chance to prove yourself the way I’d hope you would. Well, one string, really.”

The world faded into blackness again. It was like the inverse of the human and Vonnegut teleport; darkness instead a flash of blinding light as the world shifted. Light returned. They were no longer in Xen but instead floating through a black void in what looked like one of Black Mesa’s tram cars, standing near the front of it.

“… doesn’t count,” a familiar voice was saying from behind Gordon. He turned to see… Benrey. Shrunk down to a normal human size, he sat in the aisle seat on what was the right side of the tram for Gordon. Standing in the aisle was other-Gordon, clearly the person he was talking to. Sitting next to him was a child, her legs curled up to her chin as she slept curled up, obscuring her face somewhat but not enough that Gordon didn’t recognize her. Alyx. Good, she was alive. Not so good, why was she tangled up in whatever was going on here?

Benrey perked up from his slouched position. “Him.” He pointed at the suited man. “That’s the guy. I reached the top of the tower, first… I think and then uh… he intercepted me and brought me here. Now I’m all… ugh, like this and stuff. Then he brought the kid and told her to keep me occupied or whatever. And then she started crying which is bad, isn’t it? When kids cry, you’re supposed to make them stop, right? So I couldn’t figure out how to get back ‘cause I had to make her stop crying and stuff so um… we gotta redo the race.”

Other-Gordon, also bereft of what little weaponry he’d been carrying, including his crowbar, was silent for a beat or two before turning to address Gordon. “First, you’re the coolest guy I’ve ever known. That was badass.”

Even despite everything wrong here, that had Gordon straightening his shoulders. He wasn’t prideful or cocky by any means but hearing that from his alternate was still something special. He’d suffered a lot to get that skill and confidence in battle but that only meant he was allowed to enjoy when others were impressed by them, right? Also, they’d won. They couldn’t celebrate yet because they had to sort this out first but they’d still won. Finally, it was over.

“Second, no, we are not redoing the race. Fuck everything about that idea. We’ll call it a draw or if you’re gonna be a bitch about it, we’ll just say you won and the leave it at that. Because I’m not fucking doing any that again. Third, what the fuck is going on here?” This was addressed to the suited man, still standing at the front of the tram car, facing all of them. Gordon stepped to the side so his back wouldn’t be to him.

“You,” suited man said, addressing other-Gordon, “were supposed to kill him.” He pointed to Benrey.

“Huh? Why?” Benrey asked.

“Yeah, why?” other-Gordon repeated.

“It’s… a long story. You wouldn’t happen to be open to such a thing now, would you?”

“What? No. Fuck him and all that but I’m not gonna kill him just because you told me to.”

“Alas, that’s what I thought. I suppose you may keep him for now then. Also, please do mind your language, Dr. Freeman. There’s a child present.”

“Da- darn it. Fine. Sorry.”

Said child was waking up, probably due to how loud other-Gordon had been speaking. She looked up and around. “Mom?” Eli had been in the lab, meaning Azian had to have been home with Alyx when the Resonance Cascade happened. The fact that they were separated now didn’t bode well.

Gordon turned towards her and waved a hand to get her attention. Eli and Azian were teaching her sign language but she was still young and so he made sure to make his signs slow and clear. “Do you know where your mom is?”

She shook her head a beat before lifting a hand to reply with a proper signed, “No.”

“We’ll find her.” That might be a lie but what else could Gordon say? He certainly intended to find her. If she was dead though… well he could reset to bring her back. How far back would he have to go to do so though? And could he actually do anything to save her even if he went as far back as was possible? He was certainly going to look for her though.

He turned to suited guy. “Why is she here?”

“Don’t worry about that right now, Dr. Freeman. Instead, because you’ve met and befriended my son, I am obligated to invite you to his birthday party. It’s a surprise party. I called ahead and reserved the whole Chuck E. Cheese for it.”

Other-Gordon groaned before sinking into the chair in the aisle across from where Benrey still sat, putting his head in his hands. “Are you kidding? We just got done going through all that bull- … all that nonsense and now you expect us to go to a surprise birthday party for your son? We don’t even know him.”

“Oh I assure you, you do. Enough that he’d be quite sad if you don’t show. Tommy I believe is the name you know him by.”

Now that he mentioned it, he and Tommy did share a resemblance. That made sense given Tommy’s immortality. Both he and this guy were some new kind of alien, one that could take on the guise of being human.

“Okay. Great. It’s Tommy’s birthday and he’s having a party. Can’t it wait though? That was… all that… well it was a lot. I wanna rest.” Other-Gordon sounded about as tired as Gordon felt. That final fight had indeed been a lot. And other-Gordon had died more often than Gordon had during it and thus it had to have been even more of an ‘a lot’ for him.

“It’s today though. Now, hurry up, you don’t wish to be late, do you?” Suit guy gestured to the door. It slid open, revealing an glowing green doorway.

“Chuck E. Cheese?” Benrey asked, craning his head to look through the doorway without getting up from his seat.

“Yes. I suppose, you’re invited too, by default. As are you Ms. Alyx Vance. I’m afraid I won’t be able to let you remember any of this but it can’t hurt to let you come along anyway since everyone else is going. Or at least they better be.”

Gordon didn’t like the sound of that promise or the implied threat at the end. Sadly there wasn’t anything he could do about it other than not like it though. They were more in this guy’s power than was at all comfortable.

“Well Mom and Dad be there?” Alyx asked.

“No. Now please do hurry up, everyone else is already there and waiting for us.”

Benrey stood. “Uh… we’ll talk more ‘bout the race later, ‘kay Feetman? C’mon kiddo, let’s go get pizza, huh?” He gestured for Alyx to join him and surprisingly she did, sliding off the chair and following him through the portal.

Belatedly, other-Gordon lifted his head to look after him. “Did he just call me ‘Feetman’? What the… you know what? Whatever, I don’t care.” He put his head back in his hands.

Gordon could relate. With the adrenaline of fight and how unsure this new situation was having faded, even the fact that they’d won wasn’t enough to override the bone deep weariness. It had been a long however many days. This wasn’t a good place to curl up and cry themselves to sleep about it though.

He went over and patted other-Gordon on the shoulder, getting him to look up at him. First he gestured to the two of them before pointing to the portal. A party wasn’t ideal but there would be food and it presumably wouldn’t be in the void or whatever this new place was. There didn’t seem to be anyone other way out of here other than that portal.

Other-Gordon blinked up at him a couple times before he seemed to get it. “Yeah, yeah, where else would we fucking go right now, huh? Also, we probably shouldn’t trust Benrey with whoever’s kid that was.” He accepted Gordon’s offered hand to help pull him to his feet. His alien hand was awkward to hold but it was still cool. Gordon was almost jealous of it.

He shot one last look at suit guy, impassively waiting for them to go through. There were few people Gordon trusted less. He was Tommy’s dad though so maybe he at least didn’t have malicious intentions for them as Tommy’s friends. Nothing Gordon could do about it right now if he did though so he gestured his alternate to go through the portal first before following.

Next Chapter

#hlvrai #half life #hlvrai gordon #gordon freeman #benrey #bubby #dr. coomer #barney calhoun #tommy coolatta #gordon swap

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nautiscarader · 4 months ago

Text

What the hecking heck has happened to me? Hattrick edition.

PREVIOUSLY ON "NAUTISCARADER'S HEALTH ISSUES":

>probably a week

so that was two months ago. Yeah, the Tardis has definitely taken the wrong turn at Albuquerque.

So let's dive right in.

Usual warning about descriptions of medical procedures applies.

Chapter 18: Preamble ramble

So, I had to go and have a surgery! For the first time in my life! They put me on the crappiest bed possible that couldn't even have the headrest adjusted. So I was lying in one position all the time. In fact... Let's do a quick fire round...

🟰 Food? passable 🟰 Tea? okayish, with weird salvia aftertaste ❌ Nurses? Not cute at all :/ plus some were nuns o_o

Actually, speaking of tea.... every mug they've handed me had these weird red markings. Blood red, in fact. And they weren't even symbols or letters, to signify which ward they belong to (common on every other piece of furniture). They were just... smudges. It was pretty much...

...that.

And, well, okay, I need to find a way to describe the procedure without going into too many gory details. Well, it started with....

...oh heck...

...I ... I need... to....

Chapter ???: Slicing and dicing

Okay, so let's talk about Gallade.

It is a blade Pokémon. Easily in my top 10 faves ever since his debut in gen IV. But Scarlet&Violet gave him a new toy: Sharpness. An ability that boosts slicing moves by 50%, kinda what Technician does to under-powered moves. Except slicing moves are anything but weak. Night Slash? 70, now 105. Psycho Cut? Same, now better than Psychic. X-scissors? 80, now 120. Solar Blade STARTS at 125, becomes more than 180.

But then... they gave him Sacred Sword. Once nearly-legendary exclusive fighting move, and he can learn it NATURALLY at level 1. 90 power, now 120. And it bypasses defence modifications. Bye, bye Close Combat.

And the best thing is, even with blades for hands, Gallade still gives the best hug-

wait wha-

oh...OH!

Chapter 19: Is it over already?

Oh. Well, uh, okay then. Surgery's over. The only problem was I couldn't eat anything for a few hours because of the Antikythera antithesis anaesthetics, otherwise I'd be puking my way to the Moon and back, apparently.

So, that went pretty smoothly! And for the rest of the week I was recuperating. Plus, I was listening about victories of our number 1 tennis racket in the world, Iga Świątek!

And Polish football team at Euro 2024!

...okay, we wren't that bad, but still, once again, three matches and we're done.

And then, one day...

I have been lying peacefully... when suddenly the room shook with a mighty, deafening roar and a black shadow covered the window!

No, no, it wasn't Alduin, Bane of Kings and diddly-diddly-dee. No, it turned out the hospital had a helicopter landing deck! So a few times we could watch them taking off or landing.

And yeah, so that is how the next week passed too. Wait...

Chapter 20: Shouldn't I be out already?

So one of the nurses that help me at home has told me that I would only stay there for a week. Those were her words I passed to you.

But that's not all - turned out that after two weeks I'd be moved to a DIFFERENT hospital to... rest and lie some more!

so... let's do this again!

✔️ Tea? Pretty good! 🟰 Nurses? Mostly okay. ✔️ Food? ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS.

In fact, to let my body recover I have been getting double portions! Imagine that! Double food for two weeks! Wait...

Chapter 21: JUST LET ME OUT

Yeah, even good food by hospital standards couldn't keep me in. So, after some talk with the head doctor, I've waited until all my tests would be a-okay, and then I was out!

And I was so happy, because I've missed you so much, guys! I was SO excited to finally talk with you again, and not lie in bed all the time, and...

...and...

...uh, sorry, I'm a bit out of breath, I'm so happy!

...a-actually I'm-I'm really out-out of b-brea-reath...

...oh, cocking hell, I think my asthma is back.

Chapter 22: Oh no, not this again!

So, I've had a really bizarre asthma attack and... had to go hospital. AGAIN. I was at home for 10-ish hours and now I was BACK TO LYING LIKE A LOG AFSGDFSFDSH. The good news was that the out-of-breathness was gone after an hour or so, and in fact this might not have been asthma at all, according to one doctor.

Buuuuut.... they had to keep me for about 3-4 days, standard. And now the title makes sense, because it was a third different hospital I've visited! So....

🟰 Tea? okay. ❌ Food? Poor. ✔️ Nurses? HECKING CUTE! And one was singing my new favorite song, "Belong Together"!

On the other other hand, some other, usually older nurses were truly annoying and harsh. The tonal whiplash felt like...

But okay, three days I can manage

And then shit happened again, when I've caught my old nemesis, Clostridium. 10 more days of treatment.

And then it turned out I had some urinary infection. SEVEN MORE DAYS.

At this point, I was truly going mad, cos I wanted nothing more than to JUST GO HOME

One amusing thing: one of the patients I shared a room with had this... drip-controlling machine, I guess, and when it ran out of stuff to dose, it played this three-note melody on loop to notify the nurses.

And a patient in adjacent room had it as well. And since they were the same, the intervals matched. So on occasion, they sung in canon, like...

youtube

Another thing was, I had computed tomography, which was basically STARGATE!

So, what was on the other side of it?

...well, it was still the same room. Disappointing, I know.

And one day after that... I was out!

Thank you guys for all the love and care you have expressed, and many messages of concern. The sad thing is, I cannot guarantee stuff like that won't happen in the future. I can only hope you will cope with me. My health sometimes is doing cartwheels that infuriate me.

But I've gotta be strong, and you guys make it so much easier <3

#personal

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egg-node · 2 years ago

Note

7, 17, 18?

HELLO THERE

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

i like the editing phase a lot genuinely. once there's a Very Very Rough Draft down, ideally i spend ten million years spitballing new things to add that improve the og draft. whenever i come up with something that i think is a nice detail it makes me go :D!! most of the things in my writing that i would point out to people if they'd let me were added post first draft

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

answered here

last one's under the cut

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

it has been ten million years since i last looked at this piece! but! i think i'm still happiest with this out of any i've written so far (because i did get that ten million year editing period)

It should be chaotic. And it is–there are weapons flashing and bodies pressing and falling around them. The smell of blood and grass trampled underfoot. A distinct hum–a feeling more than a sound–before a spell is launched. It should be chaotic, distracting; too much.

But instead, it’s easy. It’s so easy. There’s a rhythm here too.

Their sword against another. Metal singing in the air. The moment before an opening, the way time compresses down to an instant. Striking. Again. Again. A quick flick gets the viscera off their sword. Magic washes over them; cuts they didn’t realize they had stitch back numb.

As natural as a heartbeat, if they had one. As easy as breathing.

this was a memory my dnd character, relic (warforged fighter), has, and is reliving a little as they try to make it through their long rest without giving into their need to move. they have (relatively) recently woken up after a several-centuries long nap (read: was supposed to die, but instead woke up much later) and is readjusting to the new time period (read: was made for war, and fought in the war, and is now in an era of peace, trying to learn in strixhaven).

they have some issue staying still now due to the fact that they woke up, and was covered in plant life, and rust, and could not move until they were found. this is an issue given that warforged's long rest is a period of six hours under which they are immobile, but conscious the entire way (and was the premise of this fic).

aside from this excerpt, i tried to make their narration feels very stilted, and kind of dead. i was very particular about not using literary devices like similes or metaphors etc etc. but here when they relive this battle, and the feeling of combat, i let it become a little more natural. used 'metal singing' and 'magic washes' - a bit more artistic than they would otherwise use.

the idea behind this was to make it clear that this was where relic was most comfortable, and arguably the last time they felt content. they knew what they were doing, back before they "died". and they were good at it, too. even now, at strixhaven, combat remains the easiest thing for them, and the only time where they feel even a little at ease.

that was one of the details i was proud of in this piece. the "omitting literary devices or artistic language purposefully, and then deciding where to put an exception." that was neat

thanks for the ask! twas nice to revisit this one, and it's nice that i still feel like it stands well enough even after time has passed

#egg.txt

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kozozaki · 9 months ago

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okay so 💀 this is literally me taking one of my daydreams and writing it down. not edited or looked over at all, written in like 10 minutes. i haven't written in so long, so it's not actually good, but i just had to get this out there. deuces ✌️ (let's forget about every single other thing i've done on this account okay? okay)

She felt a twinge of anxiety in her chest as she got on the bus. All of her friends were already sitting next to each other-- she just had to be the last one on. She tried not to show it on her face as she realised that the only open seat was next to him. Before she even had the chance to ask if she could sit there (not that there was another option), he got up and moved so she could sit down. Guess he wanted her to have the window seat.

She didn't speak-- too afraid to make a fool of herself. She simply sat against the window as much as she possibly could, god forbid she inconvenience him. After attendance was taken, she took a deep breath and put her headphones in, scrolling through Instagram because what else was she supposed to do on a seven hour bus ride, sitting next to someone she was scared of? Definitely not attempt to make conversation.

After about an hour, she caught her eyes closing. Shit, she thought, this is not the time. She opened the energy drink she brought, having known she would need it beforehand. She practically chugged it, and he chuckled.

"Shit, you're gonna go into cardiac arrest chugging it like that." He gave her a smug half smile.

She kept her eyes averted. "At least cardiac arrest will keep me from falling asleep."

He scoffed. She already knew she didn't like his attitude, but she'd always dismissed it before now. "It would be better for you to sleep. Only gonna be in this damned bus for another six hours."

She just sighed in response. She could make it six hours without falling asleep. She put her headphones back in, going to her preferred activity of absently staring at the passing scenery.

Maybe listening to quiet music wasn't the best idea, because she was asleep within half an hour. He was scrolling through his phone, not realising that she had fallen asleep until they came to a halt at a rest stop. He glanced over at her, all quiet and peaceful with her head resting against the glass. He could very faintly hear her music leaking through her headphones if he focused. He sighed and got up and off the bus.

He returned sooner than everyone else, a few energy drinks in hand along with some snacks. He sighed when he returned to see that she had moved, now curled up, taking up the entire seat. He put his purchases in his bag, then gently attempted to have her sit up. She jolted pretty violently when he first touched her shoulders, scaring him away from the action entirely. He just stood in the aisle, looking at the girl and wondering what he should do.

After a while, he saw other people leaving the stop and he sighed with disdain. He didn't want to wake her up, but it might be his only option. He gently grabbed her shoulders again, and this time her jolt was much less aggressive. He gingerly sat her up so that she was in her original position of leaning against the window, although when he sat down he couldn't help but notice that their thighs were now touching in a way they hadn't before. When she was conscious, she made sure she didn't touch him at all. She couldn't really control it now. Still, it didn't bother him, and soon the bus continued on the road.

Once the bus took a veer right a bit too aggressively, it was done. While he tried to stay in his place, she was still asleep and couldn't stop her head from falling to her left, straight onto his shoulder. He sighed, perhaps a bit dramatically, but this wasn't an ideal situation.

Still it didn't take so long for his eyes to begin to close as well, his head falling to his right. Just on top of hers.

#writing #cringe honestly #daydream

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tomiokasensei · 2 years ago

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oh oh ohhh~~ 🎅🎅 hello hello dear marilyn! another week went by and we are so close to xmas day by day 😊😊 are you getting excited? is it your holidays coming up or did they started already? may you get lots of rest and fun on your holidays marilyn! hope your week has been treating you well! ah thank you very much, it's beginning to get more organized and hopefully next week i can take some time off to chill and pass some quality time with my family 🥰🥰 btw! i finished your christmas gift yesterday, i am definitely very satisfied and happy how it turned out! hopefully you too will love it marilyn! 😊 i'm so glad that i got you excited from my expercience on italy! i too hope you will have an amazing experience when you get the chance to go there and to your soon travel to japan too! their traditions, food, places are full of goodies and beauty i'm so excited for you and i can't wait to know and see of your time you've spent there marilyn! ^^ oh god i surely need to start watching blue lock, since my break is coming i hope i will get some time to watch it ^^ i see so many people talking about such awesome stuff of the anime so it gets me more and more excited to see 😆😆 it's always so awesome when we have THE anime that we associate and have that feeling of belong!! everyday i thank myself and my sister to get into anime, cause it's such a cool quality time to watch it and it seems not like it but you do learn some stuff from it!! i thank community of japan for making anime and mangas! thank you! 🙏🙏🙏 when you start watching let me know your thoughts!! i'm super curious how you will give your feedback about it 😊😊😊 oh wow marilyn! we have the same major then! that's amazing! when i was reading your reply i was seeing myself in uni xDDD so cool! i'm happy you are having fun with your major and i felt like you're having so much fun to learn more new softwares!! ^^ your dream job is wonderful it's similar to mine too! i recently started working on what i've always worked for, to be an illustrator! but like you said, i wanted to be illustrator by doing art of my free will and ideas! i'm working for someone so i basically draw what they give to me every week, so i'm kinda feeling a bit meh cause of the ideas my boss has.. but i hope with the help of her i can one day open a new door experience to start working on my own and my own bussiness ^^ hopefully we two can do that in the future marilyn, i'm rooting for you! 🥳🥳🥳 you deserve all happiness and all your dreams come true! we have similar dreams so i know how you're going through and i bet you will do a wonderful job! i would be so happy to see your art! 🤩🤩🤩 you're welcome marilyn i'm always so happy to know that my messages bring you a smile to your face, it just shows how you have fun talking with me!! i too am having such an awesome time to know you bit by bit and thank you everyday for animanga having another secret santa this year! it's such an amazing way to know more people, bring more positivity and do more friendships! we need more love and happy times on this website! thank you again for being so lovely and amazing marilyn! i too smile so much whenever i see your replies! thank you sharing everything with me! 💕💕💕💕 wish you a continuation of a great week! see you soon marilyn!! 😘😘😘😘

hello once again, secret santa~! ! ! 🤩🥰 christmas is just around the corner and so close to exchange our gifts all around tumblr!! very excited for that and to see all the creative edits and art ppl have made 💜 i hope you are enjoying yourself with your family and friends as the holidays are almost here~💕and i know i will love the gift you have made for me, i can tell through your messages that you have poured so much love and enthusiasm into it and i cannot wait to see it!!! 💜💜💜

definitely! i am also very grateful for the wonderful japanese community to have brought us anime and manga! a true blessing for sharing with the rest of the world their creative art! it has been a big part of my life since childhood and seeing how it evolved in both animation and storytelling is so amazing and inspiring... it was because of that my love for art and the pursuit of a creative career has been realized! was your passion for art and illustration similar for you? as you have went into uni and gained the experience into the work of illustration, has there been an anime influence or perhaps your ideas in your work have ventured into new routes?😊 and thankyou for your encouraging words on my journey to achieve my dreams in art! i, too, am also interested in seeing your artwork, secret santa! maybe i could commission you sometime soon?🥰

i agree that it is events like this tumblr has been more engaging, if i am being honest there has been a lack of that lately and i've noticed ppl have been getting so discouraged in creating due to the lack of interactions and interests... but nonetheless i am positive that things could get better and more friendships can be built from this site!💗definitely more happy times here! 💜💜💜

i am so thankful for all your wonderful messages, secret santa, and it is so nice that you have enjoyed spending your time to get to know me as i have also learned about you in the process!🥰just how so much we have in common is so cool!! stay positive, happy, and healthy as the weekend continues! until next time 🎅~ ! ! ✌️😃

#animangasecretsanta #asks

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teklarn · 3 years ago

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hi, this is my first ever ask so I'm not sure I'm doing this correctly, if that's the case I'm sorry; I don't know how tumblr works just yet >:')

would it be possible for you to write something about bakugo, pining incredibly hard for fem!reader and initially hating how strongly he feels about her? because they're not even friends, they only exchange few words occasionally and she doesn't even glance at his way whereas he slowly finds himself unable to divert his eyes from her during classes? shes always with damn deku and his friends and doesn't even seem interested in him at all but his heart can't ignore the way she looks at him proudly whenever they spar together, the way she sends him small confident smiles as they fight each other with all they have; so he thinks that maybe, maybe he might have a chance. basically bakugo liking reader so much he's completely lost in self-hatred because he always thought feelings were for weak romantics and not great people like him, but everytime he sees reader doing some badass things (again, like sparring with him and basically matching his skills etc...) he's reminded of how badly he likes reader? but when he finally accepts he's fallen for reader, after ignoring and trying to forget about how she makes him feel, he masters up the courage to confess? and it's a very clumsy confession because he's awkward and has no idea how to deal with those feelings? and he tries so hard to make reader realise he's never been more serious than now? and reader is startled and speechless before rejecting him? and at that point he's just completely humiliated, so he nods and walks away.

it might be a little dramatic but I've always been into unrequited love and one-sided pining. thank you, its okay if you don't want to write about this, i'll understand <33

𝓫𝓻𝓾𝓽𝓪𝓵 - 𝓴. 𝓫𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓰𝓸𝓾

character(s): katsuki bakugou x fem!reader (my hero academia)

reblogs are greatly appreciated!

a/n: AHHHHH this is so cute <33 honestly this is super exciting for me and this ask made me so happy, lovey. i’m fairly new to tumblr, i’m usually just a reader but i wanted to migrate here from wattpad so this made me so happy. here u are my love <33 i hope this lives up to what u wanted !! :)) a bit lengthy, but i had a lot of fun writing it !!!

summary: bakugou finds he’s rejecting his feelings for you in fear of becoming weak, however he just can’t seem to ignore you.

genre: fluffy, fluffier than the clouds istg, however the clouds are sprinking a little teeny weeny droplet of angst.

warnings: cursing (bakugou, duhh), one-sided pining (on bakugou’s part) second hand embarrassment (on bakugou’s part bc we can all agree he’s a complete idiot when it comes to trying to get someone’s attention), just bakugou being a jackass, i gave the reader a quirk

word count: 3,859

(pls excuse any typos or mistakes, i edited to the best of my ability but i miss some things sometimes !)

- - -

part 2 is here my loves <3

brutal. it was utterly ruthless. he couldn’t focus, couldn’t think right. his hands were already exceptionally sweaty, but gosh when he saw your damn face, he was ready to explode. literally.

what the hell was it about you? was it your stupid smile? or the way you just seemed to carry every battle on your back? was it all the undeniably sweet things you do for others ‘just because’?

it made him angry that he thought about you, but gosh he couldn’t wait to see you every day.

just like any other day, bakugou found himself staring at the large door to the classroom, awaiting the moment you would bounce into his day, skirt shifting around your legs, bag slung loosely around your shoulders.

his leg was bouncing eagerly.

bakugou didn’t know when the feelings came. his cheeks just started flaring up all of a sudden and one day you just looked...different. you hadn’t done anything different to yourself. it was just him. not that he would ever admit that, to you or anybody else.

you were insufferable. you were stupid and obnoxious and so...so damn...

“y/n! come look at this!”

you’d come walking into class just as expected, and as soon as you did, that stupid nerd had called you over.

it didn’t help that deku sat right behind him, either. the two of you had recently gotten closer. bakugou noticed it last month when he yelled at the two of you to shut up about all might and get to work. he’d turned around to find you leaning over deku, hands resting on his shoulders while you peered at his phone.

“sorry, bakugou,” you’d said, barely acknowledging him. you had waved him off like an annoying fly. is that all you were to him? some nuisance that got in the way of your oh-so-entertaining conversations with deku?

all he heard nearly every day was your chipper voice talking to deku. always, “oh my gosh, midoriya, did you see the fight edgeshot was in last night?” or “midoriya! i have something to add to our quirk analysis book!”

that was the one that took the cake. you two dorks shared a notebook, occasionally passed between one another, and filled it with junk about quirks and pro heroes. but no matter how much he tried to tune you out, no matter how he tried to zone off and think about something else, you were always there. it made him want to vomit how much he thought about you.

you were doing an adorable shuffle over to midoriya’s desk and leaned over the table as you usually did while he angled his phone your way. “did you see this hero report?”

deku let you slip the phone out of his grasp to get a better look.

“no,” you breathed. “was this just recent?”

“yeah,” deku said, taking the phone back. “last night.”

“holy—”

“can you guys shut up over there?” bakugou said, his voice quaking.

“sorry, kacchan.” deku scrolled through the article.

dammit, bakugou thought. “i wasn’t talking to you, nerd. i was talking to shitface over here.” he jerked his head towards you. his eyes flared in anger when he saw you were looking down at your phone, now focused in on the article yourself. “i was talking to you, asshat!”

your eyes flicked up to his. you looked around for a moment before slowly pointing to yourself as if to say, “me?”

his face scrunched. “yeah, you. you’re so damn loud.” gosh, he hated how his voice was cracking, how he could feel his ears and cheeks lighting up in a swollen, cherry red. his stomach flipped.

she’s looking at you, gosh i’m sweating. i’m going to throw up. she’s so gorgeous. what the hell? they’re ugly as shit, i don’t think anything of them.

his eyes bore into yours.

“did you...need something?”

your voice broke his trance.

“kacchan, are you okay? you dozed off there for a second. you look like you’re burning up.”

bakugou looked to deku who was currently stretching out of his seat, arm extended. he pressed the back of his hand to bakugou’s forehead. “you’re really warm, kacchan. should we call recovery girl?”

it took him a moment to realize what was happening. his vision got blurry every time he was with you. bakugou smacked deku’s hand away. “i’m fine!” his voice lifted at the end, cracking. “i’m not sick. don’t you think i’d take better care of myself?”

“i don’t doubt you take good care of yourself, kacchan, but everyone gets sick once in a while. there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“i never get sick!” besides, if i got sick, i wouldn’t want you to be the one taking care of me.

he was still pissed. he was always in a bad mood, however, more so right now because you’d gone straight back to your phone and that stupid hero article that was supposedly so damn interesting.

soon enough, the bell rang, and you were seated at your desk. it was jirou’s old spot, however, after much convincing, you two had switched spots so you could be closer to deku. just a few months of getting close to the idiot and you two are suddenly best friends. jirou hadn’t minded one tiny bit, claiming she needed a break from how loud that section of the room was.

late as always, aizawa came trudging into your room. thankfully, his entire body wasn’t obscured by a yellow sleeping bag that smelled of something unwashed and coffee and gasoline. (for some reason, aizawa’s clothes always smelled of it.)

“lucky for you,” he began while shuffling papers on his desk, “all of you are doing training for these first periods.”

the class cheered in perfect unison, followed by their individual chatter. you had erupted with glee along with them, and bakugou was sure he felt his heart clench and then explode. just a tiny bit. but he shoved the feeling down just as quickly as it had come up.

“go out to the field and wait for further instructions. don’t make a sound in the halls otherwise, i’ll expel all of you.”

this shut everyone up in almost a second, the sound draining out just as water does. the first years trailed out into the hall, single-file mimicking the positions baby ducklings would take when following their mother.

bakugou found himself walking faster when he saw you take up your spot in the line, hoping to land his spot right behind you.

unfortunately, this idiot who considered himself bakugou’s friend tugged him back. “bakugou!” a familiar voice rasped.

“shitty hair, let go of me.”

“hey man, chill out. wanna partner up if we’re doing training in pairs?”

bakugou glanced at the line, the spot that should have been reserved for him now taken up by sato.

bakugou tugged his sleeve from kirishima’s hand. “whatever,” he snapped.

“sounds good!” kirishima flashed him a toothy grin and a thumbs-up. the bubbly feeling in bakugou’s chest died down as he stood behind sato, the overwhelming scent of sugar filling his nose, various candies that would go straight to your arteries.

“you smell like ass, damn,” bakugou remarked, squeezing his nostrils together.

luckily, sato was tall enough to not hear the insult, as he towered over bakugou by just another head. the line began moving like a sloppy train down to the change rooms.

bakugou scoffed as he listened to your giggle. he should be making you laugh.

“you’ll be given partners randomly from this box.” aizawa held up a familiar red box. “inside are all your names. i’ll select one, then that person will come up and pick another name from the box. that will be your assigned partner for today. as soon as you have your assigned partner, i want you guys to get straight to work.”

denki raised a hand, speaking before being called on. “sensei, why are we getting random partners? we’re always allowed to choose.”

“in the real world, you’re going to come across different villains every day. you’ll never improve your skills or your quirks if you keep fighting the same person.”

denki sighed, slumping back.

dammit, bakugou thought, gritting his teeth together. there wasn’t any way he wanted to be partners with you. it’s obvious he’d win the fight in the first few seconds.

yes! exactly right! bakugou internally grinned. his fluctuating feelings had finally soothed themselves. you were just another extra, and he had no room for you in his head.

aizawa took a moment to fiddle with the slips of paper inside the box. soon enough, he pulled out a name. “todoroki.”

todoroki walked up, digging his hand into the box when aizawa held it out for him. he pulled out a name, delicately unraveling the slip. “uraraka, you’re my partner.” he deadpanned.

the brunette grinned. “great!”

the two found their own spot on the field, and the class’s attention was once again diverted to their grouchy teacher as he pulled out another name.

“bakugou.”

bakugou strutted up without a worry in his mind. he pulled a name to find...

“y/n,” he said, voice a low growl. instead of the annoying fluttering in his chest, his eyes met yours, and they were filled with a different, new ferocity. he crumpled the paper in one hand, letting it twirl to the ground.

you looked at him, unsmiling. your eyes gave away nothing, and to bakugou’s knowledge, all you saw in him was another opponent.

it took him a moment to realize you had both locked eyes for about a minute. perhaps the two of you would have stayed as you were if aizawa hadn’t snapped at the two of you to get moving as yaomomo’s name was called.

bakugou was on his way to the back of the field, you followed close behind. while there was plenty of room still, he chose a secluded area. while it was still open enough to view everything going on so nobody got hurt, it was often nobody chose to train here. for whatever reason, you weren’t sure.

“wait up, bakugou,” you said. after a bit, you caught up to him.

“if you can’t keep up, then...” then what? he looked at you from the side of his eye. “then don’t keep up...” gosh, here came the embarrassing, disgusting feeling of redness in his cheeks.

you laughed. “what?”

“shut up.”

“you’re an idiot, bakugou.”

“i said shut the hell up!”

“what, so you can call me shitface in front of the entire class but you get all pissed when i call you an idiot?”

so you had heard him!

he tongued his cheek, curling his hands around an invisible ball, explosions sparking in the centers of his palms. “don’t expect me to hold back, dumbass.”

“i wouldn’t dream of it.”

gosh he loved that about you.

bakugou caught his thought in the air.

ahem...gosh he hated that about you.

you both charged in at the same time. his cry was louder than yours, but you struck first.

he admired your quirk. while he’d overhead you explaining all the drawbacks it had, it was strong, and you were strong because you knew how to control it.

purple arrows flew from your arms, going in your desired directions. if you lost focus for one moment, they’d vanish and weaken. if you focused too hard or long, you’d be plagued by a splitting headache.

he’d spent too much time obsessing over your strengths and weaknesses.

your arrows were weightless, however they were solid objects capable of carrying any mass, any thing, and worked as extensions of your body.

the violet arrow had shot out at him, twisting around his right gauntlet and crushing inwards. it’d snaked around him without him noticing, slithering along his back.

bakugou struggled to get the air-light arrow off his wrist, but it was no use. he glared back, only to see your focused, furrowed brows. he’d expected to see your cocky ass smiling. it was nice to see you weren’t.

that was one thing that had also caught his eye. you never underestimate your opponent, but you never underestimate yourself, either.

you conjured a larger arrow. it snaked around your right arm as you hurled bakugou into the air, releasing your grasp on him. you shot your other arrow into the air, and it raced into the sky.

it swerved. bakugou’s eyes went wide as the tip of the arrow came down on his chest. if they weren’t intangible things, he would have been bleeding out.

another drawback: the arrows, while they could solidify, they couldn’t do any actual damage. you had to use your surroundings to inflict harm on your opponent.

he coughed out as the arrow shot him into the ground. he hadn’t even touched you, and here he was, vulnerable and so...so...

you stood over him, hands on your hips.

vulnerable and so lost in that adorable, winning smile.

“get away from me, idiot,” he grunted and turned onto his side, his back crying out in pain.

“i think i won this fight, bakugou,” you chirped, rocking on your heels.

“don’t get arrogant, shithead. you won’t be winning against me anymore.”

you grinned, arrows shooting out behind your back.

the dorms were exceptionally quiet. you were typing away in the common room, bakugou on the couch reading. everyone was off doing something else. it was the weekend, luckily. he’d expected you to go bounding out with everyone else, however you’d stayed back, claiming you had some homework to catch up on.

bakugou being classic bakugou had stayed back. he was excited to have the dorm to himself, but your dumbass was stuck here with him. couldn’t you have done your typing in your room?

you were so aggressive on that poor keyboard.

“oi, quiet down with your shit typing.”

you barely grunted in response.

“don’t ignore me.”

“i heard you, mom.”

“the hell did you call me?”

no response. only your aggressive typing is a bit less aggressive.

“i can still hear it,” bakugou remarked, eyes fixed on your back.

“‘kay,” you said. your typing slowed a tad, and your pressure on the keys lessened.

it was quiet now. bakugou should go back to his book. he shouldn’t still be looking for a reason to talk to you.

the pages crinkled in his fingers. he bit his tongue, keeping his snarky comments in.

“you’re a fucking idiot, you know that? doing your damn homework. it’s due tomorrow.”

you turned, pursing your lips. “and how would you know what i’m working on? are you stalking me?”

“i- what? no. you’re such an idiot, of course i’m not—”

“i’m messing with you,” you breathed, face un-moving.

“o-oh,” bakugou stuttered out. he blinked awkwardly.

“gosh, what’s gotten your panties in a twist?”

“you’re annoying.”

“you’re a jackass.” you returned to your work. bakugou settled with reading in his room. reading consisted of jumping onto his bed just as the stereotypical high school girl would in an eighties movie. he buried his face in his pillow, face burning bright red. he cursed you for making him feel this way, and hated himself even more for how much he enjoyed it.

the next day came swiftly. you’d left early to go train with midoriya. there were many improvements needed to be made, but you weren’t doing too bad.

you propelled yourself forwards with an arrow, and your green-haired friend shot back, lightning flickering around his body.

landing back on the ground, you panted and swiped the sweat from your brow. from the corner of your eye, you could make out both kirishima and bakugou coming to the training grounds.

bakugou stopped in his tracks, frowning at the sight of you.

it was evident he hated you a bit more than everyone else. he was always making his annoying comments, he was always snubbing you. you saw no reason to talk to him, so you didn’t. either way, even if you tried, he would still get angry for no reason.

it’d taken you quite some time to get used to his obnoxious attitude. tuning him out had been the best course of action, in your opinion.

the way you and midoriya had bonded was through bakugou, in a way. the first day of school, bakugou had snapped at you for tripping over your laces and nearly crashing into him. later that day, midoriya had stepped up and apologized for his old friend’s actions.

you two had never been too close until now. the recent incidents going on with the league of villains had snagged your attention, and it seemed you were the only person who didn’t mind listening to him ramble on about heroes.

you were just as passionate and just as dorky, but midoriya could talk your ear off. you never minded, and he always took the hint when you didn’t want to listen.

you brought your leg up, twirling in the air with ease and watched your heel collide with midoriya’s face. he grunted, stumbling back.

you were about to charge in again when a hand landed on your shoulder, big and rough. you turned to see bakugou standing behind you, a scowl on his face.

“fight me again,” he demanded.

“excuse me?”

“don’t act like you didn’t hear me.”

“i’m in the middle of fighting midoriya right now.”

“so?”

“so if you think that i’m just going to ditch my friend because you want to fight, i won’t.”

“you’re being stubborn.”

“i’m being reasonable. back off.”

“y/n?” midoriya rubbed his jaw—right where you had struck him. “what’s going on?” he jogged up to you and bakugou.

“he wants to fight me in the middle of our fight. it’s nothing serious. don’t worry about it, midoriya. let’s just ignore him.”

bakugou made a sound someone would only make if they were choking. “the hell did you just say?”

“we’re ignoring you!” you waved him off and placed your hand on midoriya’s shoulder, wandering away.

it was new to him, not getting what he wanted. and what he wanted right now was to be around you. again, it wasn’t like he would ever admit that to himself.

“dude? you good? i thought you went off to fight y/n. i was so ready to cheer you on, dude,” kirishima’s chipper voice piped in. “she’s not fighting with you? why not?”

“the dumbass was just probably scared of getting her ass beat by me.”

“dude...that sounds really weird.”

“whatever, shitty hair. let’s go.”

the clock ticked. his ears were on fire. again.

gosh, it was happening again. it was all you. his face scrunched up, his voice would surely crack if someone were to ask him what was wrong.

bakugou was once again stuffing his face in his pillow, hiding his expression from no one. why did you have to go train with that shitty nerd? why were you always around deku? deku, of all people. what did he have? why was he so great?

bakugou was a man of many insecurities, but losing to deku? that was possibly his biggest fear.

perhaps he wasn’t the nicest, or the most soft person out there. bakugou could admit that, at least. but he was smarter than deku. he was stronger and he was better and people liked him more. right?

what was so...amazing about deku?

it was often bakugou would find himself obsessing over little, insignificant things such as these.

you were what he was thinking of most of the time. just yesterday, he’d gotten a test returned. he was expecting an eighty at the lowest, but more so expecting a high ninety. it’d come back exactly sixty percent.

sixty. percent.

bakugou vividly remembered staring at your face. he also remembered not being able to focus because of it. his grades were dropping because of you.

you were the only person to be able to do this to him.

his heart grew quiet, but the pounding of his didn’t cease. he lifted his head.

“alright, fine,” he said aloud. “you win, y/n. you win.”

he settled with getting over his feelings the way he’d read them in his collection of romance manga.

bakugou left his room and knocked on your door. (he was banging on it, but it was his nice way of knocking.)

you answered, looking around awkwardly. “yes?”

his hands shook. how was this supposed to go? sure, he’d seen it in romance movies and read it in books but it was always easy to tell whether the guy would get the girl or not.

in this instance, bakugou was clueless. for once in his life, he was clueless. you stood, tapping your foot with a hand on your hip, waiting expectantly for him to tell you why he was here.

“um.” he scratched behind his neck. “you uh- i uh...i’m sorry i called you a, um...a shitface.”

“okay? is that it?”

what? come on! it was already unlike him to apologize. what else did you want from him?

“did you...i’ve been thinking, maybe? maybe we could..train together as...friends?”

“...what?”

gosh dammit, as friends?

“whatever, um...the uh...” oh gosh, what did the boys do in all the books he’d read? right! bakugou stretched out his arm, resting his forearm on the door, leaning to the side.

although he didn’t, really, because like the clumsy jackass he was, bakugou missed completely and nearly toppled to the floor.

this earned a snicker from you.

his stomach flipped and churned, and bakugou found himself unable to reach your eyes. “uh, would you maybe..? okay, um. do you want to go on a date with me? you absolute fucking dumbass.”

your eyes flew wide. “...what?”

“no, that’s not what i— i mean i didn’t mean the last part. um, i meant the first part. the first two parts. the part where i was asking you if you wanted to go on a date with me and then before that when i said maybe because it’s still a maybe until you say yes. or...or no because that’s an option too.”

he swallowed.

you resisted the urge to mock him, just a little bit. “um, bakugou, listen.”

he leaned closer. “yes?”

“it’s going to be a no. i’m sorry, but i’m just not interested in you like that.”

it took him a moment to register everything. his shoulders sagged. gosh that was brutal.

“oh, alright.”

“yeah, uh, sorry about that.” you offered him a weak smile, still a bit shocked yourself. he did his best to return it, and when you closed the door, his face was ready to explode.

it was so damn difficult to deal with these feelings, but maybe it was better this way. knowing where you stood on your end, he knew he wouldn’t miss out on anything.

perhaps it was alright to admire from afar. things could happen in the future, right?

right now, he’d just wait. for a long, long time. bakugou pressed a hand to his chest, feeling his erratic heartbeat. maybe it was alright to not have you right now. perhaps he could better himself for you. just for you.

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zegumi · 4 years ago

Text

Ushijima Wakatoshi SFW alphabet

alphabet template here

fluff I sfw I gn reader I hcs

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

at first he's quite hesitant on showing affection, wondering if you're comfortable with him being that close to you. he starts off easy: holding hands, letting you rest on him... etc.

once he feels more comfortable with you, he starts placing his head in your lap and giving you little kisses here and there

his favourite forms of affection are: forehead/cheek kisses, back hugs, holding pinkies, and resting his head on your shoulder

when you’re not around he shows affection by talking to you to his closer teammates but subtly, he brings up your name once in a while and a teammate will tease "ooo somebody's in looove" and he starts blushing profusely, asking if they can go back to practice, but the thought of you never leaves

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

being best friends with ushijima seems very rare, he's pretty selective with letting people close enough to earn that title

with you it was unexpected, you weren't afraid or cautious of his stoic upfront. you sat next to him in class and tried to make conversation with him, making sure to include him in conversations and asking how he's doing once in a while. he lets his guard down a little and you guys get even closer, he even invites you over to help with some schoolwork and suddenly you guys are spending more time together outside of school

he's kind of hesitant to call you a best friend, but when he sees that you’re okay calling him yours, he adopts the same title

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

yes yes yes and yes

he is always behind you, resting your head on top of his. if not he'll be facing upwards, lying on his back, your head will be resting on his shoulder and he'll have his arm wrapped around your waist.

he's definitely 99% always the big spoon

but on the rare occasion he wants to be the little spoon, he has both his arms wrapped around your waist, with his head on your chest, your hand running through his hair while your legs are intertwined absolute bliss

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

hell yeah

he's a sucker for the domestic life, waking up with you in your sub-urban house, a train ride away from the city. making cakes with you in your green painted kitchen which took you way longer than it needed to bc you kept messing around

he can cook, oh my, he buys some cookbooks and you guys spend some time with each other

I feel like he wants kids, some mini him and you running around, if not he'll adopt some

him teaching his kids to play volleyball in the backyard, him brushing their teeth and reading them bedtime stories and them giving them a little kiss goodnight cuteness overload

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

definitely depends on the reason why you're breaking up, but in this scenario, let's say he hasn't been home enough and you guys feel like you're not with each other enough pain

he really dreads having to break up with you, but he knows you deserve more than someone who is barely home. he's not harsh about it, he sits you down at a time when you guys are both free and explains why, "maybe the time isn't right, right now"

even though he broke it off, he still thinks about it quite a lot, he really hopes that you guys will find your way back to each other one day even if he knows that it won't be possible bc right now you're happier with someone else :( i love angst

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

his volleyball career kinda gets in the way of him wanting to commit to you, but he wants to show you that you mean the world to him, so i think he proposes in his mid-late twenties

his proposal isn't really that over the top, but he takes you out first for a fancy dinner with the excuse 'can't i treat you once in a while'. it's quite dark outside and you guys are looking over the city, you turn around to ask him something and you see him down one knee lovely

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

he is very gentle... probably bc of his strict upbringing, but he makes sure not to hurt you in any way

he becomes so much more gentle with his words, careful of saying the wrong words because he can't stand the thought of losing you

physically, he tries to make sure not to accidentally knock into you bc this man is so big and if you get ill ushijima is doing anything in his power to get you better, he tries not to get sick in the process, but having you care for him doesn't seem like the worst idea

emotionally, he tries to support you, but he's not the greatest at dealing with emotions, but when supporting you he tries comforting you rather than trying to solve your problems

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

at the beginning of the relationship, i think his hugs are kind of stiff-ish, but once you guys get more comfortable he goes all in

he's such a good hugger. he doesn't do half-hugs, it's all of it or nothing, he engulfs you with his strong arms a little bit too tight but who needs air

if he feels extra clingy back hugs. he loves the feeling of having your figure pressing against his, sometimes his hands grip onto your waist and he'll sway you back and forth while humming to his favourite song

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

as I've mentioned before, you're the first one to say ily in the relationship, but he says it back straight after

i like to think this happens about 5/6 months into the relationship, just when you guys start getting really comfortable around each other

as for using the L-word, he doesn't really say it that often, he believes when something is overused it isn't as special. he only uses it when it needs to be said

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

he doesn't really get jealous easily bc he's kind of oblivious or chooses not to pay attention to it

but when he catches on to whatever's going on, his eyebrows furrow and he'll just give the stare, he'll come near you and put an arm around your waist and slyly try to join the conversation

he knows what he's doing and so does everyone else

the person you're talking to gets a bit intimidated and tries to end the conversation as quickly as possible

you'll try to tease him for his jealously and he'd just change the subject and starts blushing a little, if you try to bring it up later he'd be like 'huh what was that sorry i don't remember'

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

I'm not good with this type of stuff ahh

he's actually pretty good at kissing. he likes soft kisses and little pecks on the shoulder and forehead.

when he's rough or needy, he gets really handsy like hands cupping your cheeks, in your hair, hands pulling your waist in - just very intimate

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

lazy mornings bc who likes being productive all the time

he likes sleeping in on days he has nothing to do, so he’ll be behind you hugging your waist and his head resting on your back, you try to stand up so you can get breakfast done but he pulls you back and says 'come on, just a little more', you know that means another hour but you still get sucked back into his warm embrace

you end up falling asleep and wake up with noises coming from the kitchen. you walk in on him wearing just an apron and his pajama pants, dancing to the radio while making pancakes for breakfast

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

again lazy evening edition bc why not

he comes home early that day, brings home your favourite snacks and asks if you want to watch a movie with him

he grabs a few blankets from your room and you guys decide to watch 13 going on 30 one of my comfort movies

halfway through the movie, he places his head on your laps asking for you to play with his hair, he lies down and you throw some popcorn and skittles in his mouth every few minutes, you tried pouring water but he started choking and spat water all over your shirt

it gets pretty late and cold so he changes you into his hoodie and carries you over to the bedroom. you guys fall asleep to the hums of the city below

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

he's a very reserved person, and i think it's just the way he was raised, talking about feelings wasn't normal in his home growing up

i think with you it takes him some time to open up, he reveals a few things about him and his childhood here and there but nothing major

he doesn't talk about how he feels enough, so it kinda relies on you being able to notice a change in his behaviour which might I say seems extremely hard

i think if you start being more open to him, then he follows on

he gets more comfortable with his emotions around you first and then starts being more open to his team - just give him some time he gets there

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

oh he's so patient, so patient

it takes a LOT to anger him, i don't think you ever have or ever will see this man angry, tbh i don't think you would want to

if you ever lash out at him, he'd sit down and understand where you're coming from, he'd try to calm you down and give you a second to let it all out

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing or do they kind of forget everything?)

he remembers everything, literally everything

you mentioned that you liked mangos yesterday, and boom you've got a lifetime supply in your kitchen /s

he keeps a little note in his notes app just making sure he doesn't forget anything, he has your favourite orders, skin/hair care products you use, and little stuff like your favourite show in there

he does this bc he loves how your eyes beam after realising he remembers the little details

R = Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

this one hc is why this took so long, so I decided not to do bc my brain isn’t responding

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

ushijima isn't the overprotective type although he is protective

he doesn't care what you wear or how you present yourself, as long as you’re comfortable, you will have his full support

if he sees someone making you uncomfortable, he is always quick to jump in and say "you're making them uncomfortable can you please excuse yourself". if he sees a situation is making you feel uneasy he will take you and leave, to calm you down or to clear your mind, which ever one is the best choice in that moment

he doesn't feel the need to be protected, he believes that hes strong enough for the both of you sometimes he needs a little help so pls do step in

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

such a big try hard, he puts so much effort into dates, anniversaries, and even mundane everyday activities.

even far into your relationship he still pulls up at your door with a suit and a flower bouquet which he seems to never forget

he always wants everything to be perfect so you'll never forget

he enjoys surprising you with little gifts to remind you that he still cares. he seems like the type to buy you a promise ring, and oh my is it beautiful

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

this is hard bc in my eyes this man can't do any wrong, but its probably how he can't express his emotions very well

everyone gets in a bad mood once in a while, but for ushijima its different, the stress of volleyball gets to him and he just ends up shutting everyone out, including you. he was never taught how to properly talk abt how he feels so he just holds it in with never intending to let it out

if you try to ask him whats wrong then he just grunts and shrugs it off

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

he isn’t insecure for how he looks physically, he works out and maintains a healthy lifestyle, and he was blessed with that beautiful face of his *chefs' kiss

he's always hygienic (bare minimum), he cuts his hair regularly, keeps his hands nice and clean, with his nails well-trimmed

he likes to keep his appearance up and always looks like he should be on the front cover of a magazine but so effortlessly

bonus: he smells so good, he wears expensive cologne and zooweemama its so tasty, you'll hug him and never want to let go just because

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

he wouldn't necessarily feel incomplete with out you, he'd feel a bit empty

he forgets how much he misses you when he goes abroad for matches and he can't see you for a week straight. he makes sure to send videos and voice notes rather than texts so you can send some back. he video calls everyday, no matter the time difference just so he can see you in real time

if you guys take a break in the relationship, he finds his self drifting back into his stoic shell. he tries his best not to bc he knows how much he loves the person you've helped him become

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

doesn't know how to flirt hehe

he tries to use a smooth pick up line once in a while but they all end up with him in a flustered mess before he can even finish a sentence, i think we should leave the flirting to you

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

liars/dishonest people

he can't stand it when somebody lies to him, its agitating when someone he cares for feels the need to lie to him, it makes him feel like they don't trust him enough

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

he's a quite a light sleeper and wakes up pretty easily. he also looks dead when he sleeps, for example most days he sleeps pretty early bc he's worn out and you come into the bedroom and see him lying down on his back, his chest isn't even moving like it should be, but you'll get into bed with him and his first instinct is to wrap his arms around you and give you a kiss

i think he sleep talks, omg just imagine ushijima whispering about the weirdest things in his dreams. you recorded him once and showed him when he woke up and he got a bit embarrassed and started laughing

here's the hcs for mornings with ushi

this took me so long omg >o< I really hope I portrayed his character well bc he’s such a lovely person

make sure to take care of yourselves :)

reblogs are very much appreciated <3

requests are open

#ushijima #ushijima wakatoshi #wakatoshi x reader #ushijima x reader #sfw alphabet #ushijima fluff #hq headcannons #haikyuu!!#haikyu x reader #ushijima scenarios #ushijima headcanons #my love so lovely #.z00 headcanons

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