#I need to decide how much time being lonely and hurt I'm going to allow myself

[mousegirl-cheerleader]

It's gettin pretty tough to keep squeakin I'll tell you that much

[mustangbby]

HIIII I JUST READ YOUR BOOTHILL IDEA ABOUT PREGNANCY AND I AM WELL FED 😭 i love how angsty it is. oh boy i'm sure struggles a lot during his s/o's pregnancy. like...it has lots of cry and self-conflict because he may thinking that he isn't helping his s/o. there gonna be small arguments and misunderstandings. it's hard for the both of them and the baby. 🥹

ohhhh yes. yup. decided to take a real angsty route with this one. I added some mentions of his actual backstory here, bc my og one was written before his backstory was released lols

Boothill definitely cries during your whole entire pregnancy. He also has a lot of bad thoughts about himself during it, too. 

At first, he tries to hide it, and either subtly cry, or just simply wait until you’re no longer in the room or the house. He doesn’t want you to know that he’s not happy because of the state he’s in. 

He used to be human, he used to be flesh, and most importantly, he once had a daughter of his own, and that's what crushes him the most. He fears so much that he’s almost going to replace her, even though he knows deep down in his heart that it most definitely wouldn’t be able to happen. 

He also feels so bad about not being able to do normal human things for your during your pregnancy :(((( he knows how much you want to be able to be soft and intimate, to take baths and be able to have a cozy massage and just a cozy person around in general, and he’s the exact opposite of that. He doesn’t even think he deserves the husband title anymore.

He literally once asked you why you’re still with him and not someone else. You explained that you loved him and you wanted to be with him, and even then he never really expressed the way he felt about himself to you but you could sort of see it in his eyes. He didn’t like the way he was and the fact that he can’t be what he refers to as a “proper dad” to his kid. 

He knows it’s hard on you, too, and he also knows that you’re catching onto his harsh thoughts, and you’re catching on fast. It caused an argument a few times, on how you’re hurt that he’s not expressing his emotions, he doesn’t want to, it turns into a “do you not trust me or something?” conflict on your end, and a “I just don’t know what to say without hurting you” conflict on his end. Misunderstanding that likely won’t just dissipate. 

There was one argument that you both had when you were nearing pretty close to your due date, and he decided he was going to walk out midway through and not come back for about a week. For some reason, he chose a petty route, leaving you anxious and super betrayed, considering he refused to answer his phone, too.

The argument was over something that seemed incredibly stupid, if you both must say so yourselves. He was, once again, insecure, and he wouldn’t tell you why. That was what bothered you- did he not trust you enough? Did he seriously not want to be a part of this baby's life? Why else would he just walk out?

To say it made you super anxious, scared, and lonely was an understatement. You were left with the thought that you’d have to give birth alone, and go back to your original game plan that you already mentally set up. You thought he genuinely left you.

That was, until he walked back into the house on a random afternoon that next week. He ran up to you and apologized, allowing you to cry it out in his steel arms. He felt so horrible, and he vowed to you to never, ever do that again.

He tries to start letting you in on his troubles from that point on, but there still seems to him like there's a barrier blocking his words from coming out. Sometimes, he just blames it on his synesthesia beacon, which seems to work for now. 

He also lets you see him cry more often, but that stops when you give birth. He doesn’t need you to be more overwhelmed than you already will end up being.

[allllium]

Hi, Love! ❤️ It’s me again and I came here for Remus and his crazy people 🤪

As I have a birthday (age-should-not-be-named) maybe you could write something about celebrating the reader’s birthday?)

Speaking about the reader, she feels sad about the upcoming age (just because of the number, if you know what I mean) and she is a little bit harsh about it. So her boyfriend (Remus) decided to make a little cozy party with all close friends 😌 so they have fun 🥳

It may be a 18 celebration or they can be older, it’s up to you and your incredable imagination ❤️ I love your writing, so you’re free to everything you want 😉 especially your brilliant jokes 👌🏻

Sorry for bothering you 🥹 I just feel a little bit lonely at my day… my own marauder’s company lost in the time…

Birthday

~ I'm so sorry this took so long to get to, the writers block is real bad rn 😭 and also I apologize in advance but it ended up a little different than the request, if you want me to rewrite it closer to the ask I would be happy to, but either way I really hope you like and happy late birthday, I hope you had a wonderful time <3

~ WC:1,888 [Hurt/Comfort, Fluff]

~ Reader celebrates a birthday

“Good morning Angel!” You recognize your boyfriend's voice even as you dig your face further in the pillow to tune it out. “Happy birthday!”

“Let me sleep.” Of course Remus doesn't listen to your plea, opting for dragging you out of bed himself. “No no no.”

“Yes yes yes. C'mon love we've got to celebrate!” When you turn to face him, he looks genuinely excited to celebrate with you.

“Okay let's go.” You give him the best smile you can muster, not wanting to disrupt his excitement.

“Okay great!” He immediately grabs your wrist to drag you out of his dorm.

“Rem, wait, I need to get dressed first.” You laugh.

“I think you look fine like that.”

“I’m wearing pajamas and my hair is a mess.”

“Exactly my type.” You shake your head at him and turn to pull some clothes you've left in his dorm.

“Celebrating can wait a minute.” Or forever you think silently. It's not that you hate your birthday, you would rather just not have it. Why celebrate another year passing by that you'll never get back? Why celebrate another year closing to dying?

“Fine but only one minute, I'm counting.”

“Why are you in such a hurry?” You ask him once you're dressed.

“Because I love you, I want to show you how happy I am that you were born.” His words make you grin, he always knows how to make you feel better especially when he doesn't know he needs to. But why celebrate getting closer to the end of the time you have with him?

“You're a sweet talker Mr. Lupin.” You pull him down for a soft kiss before allowing him to pull you off to whatever he has planned.

“Okay, first hour picnic breakfast.” He tells you happily. Wait what?

“I'm sorry, did you just say the first hour? Did you plan this hour by hour?”

“Of course I did, my angel deserves nothing but the best.” You stop walking for a split second. Why does he care about this so much? It's not a miracle, or an unusual thing. It's just a birthday. All it means is that you're getting older, losing more time.

Remus notices your stillness, “C'mon, love, we have a full day ahead of us.”

“Alright on to hour Three.” Remus announces as you both clean up your picnic blanket.

“Well what's next?” You ask, a little reluctantly. Spending alone time with Remus is always amazing but you're a little worried about adding more people into the mix. Your anxiety about it has been low for now but you know it's gonna get worse.

“Next is my present for you.”

“Rem this is enough, you've already planned a whole day for me.”

“No it's not, I got you the perfect gift.”

“You are the perfect gift.”

“As flattering as that is, wrong.” He pulls up off the ground, and gives you a quick kiss. “Move it.”

“Woah being mean to me on my birthday.” You joke.

“You'll be fine, angel.” His smile makes the butterflies in your stomach erupt. Maybe a birthday isn't so bad if you have him with you.

“Hmm I want my present.”

“Then hurry up and we can go get it.”

“It's not my fault. You're so tall you walk a million miles an hour.”

“And it's not my fault you're so small you walk at a snail's pace.” You throw a hand over your heart dramatically

“How dare you, this is bullying.”

“No it's not, it's a fact. We're almost there anyway.”

“Where is there?”

“It's in my dorm.”

“No it's not, I looked.”

“And I hid it because I knew you'd do that.”

You sigh dramatically, “I would never.” You defend.

“You just admitted it!” He accuses.

“I did not! Let's go! Faster!”

“Oh so now I don't walk fast enough, make up your mind.”

“I will not. I shall continue to be indecisive.” He lets out a throaty chuckle at your statement.

“Oh you shall?” He questions, still laughing.

“Don't make fun of me, I'm being fancy.”

“You are a lot of things but fancy isn't one of them.”

“Hey, what does that mean!” You smack him lightly on his chest.

After a walk way longer than it should be, you finally reach his dorm and sit on the bed expectantly.

“Where's my present?” You immediately demand.

“Woah not even a please.” He jokes and stands in front of you.

“Well someone got my hopes up, this better be good Lupin.” He grins at you and orders you to close your eyes.

“This is too good of a hiding spot to give up.” He tells you.

After quite a few moments of shuffling happening behind you and quite a few “oh fucks” as your clumsy boyfriend unsurprisingly bumps into a couple things, a small box is placed gentle in your awaiting hands.

Your eyes fly open the second you feel the strange-feeling material in the palm of your hand. The first you notice is that the box is heart shaped with an engraving on the top, saying “My angel”

“Remus, this is amazing.” Without even opening it you already know this is the best gift you've ever received.

“You haven't even opened it yet, dove.” He sits on the bed beside you, putting his arm around your waist.

“Doesn't matter, I love it.”

“Open it, angel.”

Following his advice you open the heart-shaped box and immediately fall in love with him even more. In the box sits a simple charm bracelet, already adorned with three charms. All right next to each other is an angel charm, a heart charm, and a moon charm, all in that order.

“Do you like it?”

“Rem, I love it. This is the best thing ever.”

“I highly doubt that but I'm glad you love it.”

“Why did you do a moon and not a wolf for you?” You ask him, trying to distract yourself from the rush of emotions running through you.

“Well I was gonna but it looked very dog-like and Sirius said he was honored to be included.” He lets out a deep sigh of disapproval.

You can't help the laugh that bursts out, “Oh of course he did. Thank you Remus, really.”

“Well I would love anything you give me but this is incredible.”

“I couldn't give you anything but the best for this special day.” Special indeed.

“Welcome to hour five.” Remus declares while you enter the kitchens. After spending hour 3 and 4 in Remus’s dorm gushing over your new bracelet, and demanding his help in putting it on, he rushed you on to the event of hours 5 to 7. You are very curious as to why he pulled three hours out for this event.

He pulls you into the kitchens and you see the counters covered in enough ingredients to make a hundred cakes.

“What's this?”

“Well I wanted to make you a cake but realized I don't know how to make a cake without magic.” He looks down a little ashamed to be asking you to help make your own birthday cake.

“I believe this was a very smart choice, I wouldn't want you to burn down Hogwarts.” You grin at him.

“I'm sorry, I know I should've asked someone else first.”

“I'm glad you didn't, I like baking.” Despite the growing feeling in your stomach, his smile makes you smile.

After 3 hours of baking, 2 failed cakes, and 1 kitchen covered in cake ingredients that didn't seem to make it into the bowl, you and Remus have successfully acquired a birthday cake. It's not the prettiest and probably not the best tasting, but it's something you have created together and that's more than enough for you.

Hour 8, aka the final hour Remus has planned, is making you freak out. Despite preparing all day for this, the pit in your stomach has continued brewing and now feels too much to handle. As long as it's just you and Remus, alone, it doesn't feel like much of a birthday. Even with the cake and present, and Remus telling you happy birthday every two seconds, as if you'll forget, it feels natural. Not celebratory. Now, however, more people are getting involved.

You shouldn't be feeling this way. All of your closest friends getting together in the common room to celebrate your birthday should be exciting, not scary. Well it's not exactly scary, more of a feeling you can't seem to place.

You and Remus part ways for the first time of the day so you can get ready in your dorm. Once you're ready, you begin to head for the common room, hand freezing on the doorknob. Without thinking, you back up, taking a sitting place on the bed. You can feel the tears forming in your eyes for reasons you still can't understand.

As you sit there trying to cover your strange emotions, Remus comes into your dorm. Without saying a word he sits on the bed and gives you a hug.

“I'm sorry.” You tell him, knowing the effort he put into this perfect day.

“Whatever for love? This is your day, feel however you must.” He gives you a kiss on the forehead and slowly pulls away from the hug.

“I don't understand why I feel like this, it's just an age.” You try to explain. Luckily your amazing boyfriend knows you way too well.

“Because it's scary,” he begins to explain, far better than you did, “and it's new. I mean no one wants to get older but you gotta think of the upside.”

“And what would that be?”

“Well we get a little older, we leave school, we get married and get a ton of plants we'll never be able to keep alive.” He seems to have put a lot of thought into your future together. “Even though it feels like we're saying goodbye to a part of your life, we're also beginning a new part. One that we can form yo be whatever we want.”

“How do you always know just what to say?”

“I speak from my heart, most of it is nonsense.”

“Maybe but it always works. I love you.”

He smiles at you for the thousandth time today but it still gives you that funny feeling in your chest. “I love you too, angel. Ready to go celebrate?”

“Yeah I think so, thank you.”

“Anytime, love.”

And so you celebrate. A small party with all your friends and everyone you love. But for some reason you no longer have that pit in your stomach. You no longer feel the tears building as you blow out the candles on your perfectly imperfect cake. You no longer feel as if growing older is a curse you can't get out of.

You head back into Remus's dorm for bed. You can't help but keep your eyes stuck on the bracelet dangling off your wrist as you do your nightly routine. As you cuddle in bed next to Remus, you no longer want the day to be done with. Instead, wanting it to last forever as you talk and laugh with him. You no longer worry about the past and instead focus on the future. Now understanding there's still so much more you have to look forward to.

~ This is actually so relatable to me due to my anxiety, I was actually late to my last birthday party for this exact reason 😭 I hope everyone reading this knows that birthdays are a reason to celebrate, you have so much to look forward to as you age and I'm very glad you were born <3

[libertybri]

Request for best friend!Fo3 npcs finding out/watching as a normally calm, cold, logical Lone, after seeing their dad for the first time since he left them, punches him in the face and berates him for leaving them with no information, no way to know if he's okay, no idea what he's doing or if he's ever coming back. Them saying "You were my only family, now I'm not even sure if you loved me at all" and generally being angry and hurt by him. Could you also include how their dad would react?

Lone’s hard fist connects with the jaw of their own father. James looks up to his kid bewildered, “Lone,–“

“I get to talk, not you.” Lone sharply cuts him off, “You have made my life hell for the past few weeks and you don’t seem to have any remorse for it. I have been shot at, beaten, stabbed, targeted, and made a war weapon for a faction that shows little-to-no care for me at all, and all to find you here for some mission bigger than yourself. You left me behind to suffer through all of that while still needing my help in the end. You were my only family, and now I’m not sure if you even loved me at all.”

James remains quiet as Lone removes their intense focus away from him and diverts their gaze to the ground.

Amata:

“I used to look up to you, James. You’ve made a real mess in your path and you have a lot of work to do to make up for it.” She tells him after Lone finishes their rant. Amata shakes her head shamefully at James, who takes in her words like knives.

“I didn’t mean to hurt either of you, believe me.” He pleads.

Amata heard enough of the older man merely pushing out excuses for his flight personality causing a whirlwind of trouble for Lone. Her friend who is usually cold as ice showing that much emotion sent her into protective mode. She turns to Lone and softly says, “You don’t have to follow in his footsteps, you know?”

“It’s for the betterment of–“

“Yeah, I know, but you’ve been a hero to everyone since the first day you walked out of the vault. He’s been trying for over 20 years. I think you’re warranted a little time for yourself.” She tells her friend with a gentle smile. Lone nods and follows their friend to the exit, not saying another word to their dad.

Butch:

“I think we outta hit the road, Nosebleed.” Though Butch rarely uses that nickname with his best friend anymore, he figured it would divert their attention away from their dad and onto him. He didn’t like the way James threw this onto them and expected Lone to carry out his chosen mission without a choice for them. It also deeply upset him to see his usual calm and collected friend become so emotional over the matter. Most of all it angered him that James wasn’t speaking up. With a huff, he tells his friend, “We got better things to do that don’t involve us riskin’ our lives for a bunch of people who could care less about us.”

Lone thinks for a long moment and nods, “You’re right. Let’s go.” Butch excitedly guides them to the exit, as he was pleased he didn’t have to convince them any further. As they leave, Butch looks back at James with a deep glare.

Charon:

Charon remains silent, allowing Lone to make their own choice in the matter. Though they were experiencing a lot of emotions right now, he knew that Lone would still think clearly with logic and make the right decision. “I need time.” Lone finally decides, telling their father and looking to Charon for guidance.

He nods, “Let’s go then.” Without another word, Charon leads them to the exit.

Clover:

“C’mon, sweetie. We don’t have to stay here for this.” Clover pleads with Lone and diverts her gaze at James with a look of disgust. “And you need to man up! Get your job done without dragging your teen kid into it.”

“Clover–“

“She’s right. You shouldn’t be here. This job is dangerous and it’s been my destiny since before you were born, not yours. I should have told you, at the very least so you knew what you were getting yourself into.” James agrees with Clover and tells Lone honestly.

“Then you better hope you’re able to get it done yourself, because I’m already dragged into it.” Lone tells him sharply and nods to Clover as signal for them to leave. Clover rests a comforting hand on their back as they leave.

Gob:

Gob allows Lone to process their emotions and make their own decision on the matter. He would support them with whatever decision they made as their judgement was rarely ever wrong. One day he imagined they could both fill the void of family to each other, but he understands Lone’s frustration, as that was their only source of paternal love for years and it all diminished within weeks.

“We can take a break from saving everybody else. Let’s go hangout at the Underworld.” Lone says nonchalantly, spinning on their heel and walking towards the exit.

Gob follows wordlessly, having no say in the matter. He doesn’t give a single glance back at James. If he wasn’t important to Lone at the moment, he didn’t matter to Gob.

Jericho:

“I told you all this bullshit was a waste of time. We could be out knockin’ skulls and making caps right now. Helluva bounty waiting for us back in Megaton.” Jericho could care less about helping them save the Wasteland. He saw it for what it was: Trash.

“I had to see for myself.” Lone sneers at him, “Whatever though, I’ll give you this one. For once you were right.”

“Lone, please my child don’t tell me you have fallen into the life of raiding?” James pleads, all but questioning where he went wrong in abandoning Lone and causing them to go this route.

“Don’t act like you care now. I’ll decide when I’m ready to help you. So far all you’ve done is waste my time.” Lone finalized the conversation and lead the way for themself and Jericho on their next adventure.

Sarah Lyons:

“Lone, if I may,” Sarah speaks up, “With great interest of the Brotherhood, this is the right decision to make. You must support your father despite the personal business.” It hurts her to go against her friend’s better judgment, but she had a duty to adhere to and Lone also made that commitment alongside her.

Lone nods wordlessly.

“I do still love you with all my heart, dear Lone. That will never change. This mission is beyond us, but working together I know we can change everyone’s world for the better.” James tells them, “Afterwards, I will do everything in my power to make up for the hurt I’ve caused you.” He’s sincere in his words, tearing up as he speaks to his child.

“You’re very lucky to be their parent.” Sarah reminds him, doing her best to support her friend while keeping them in line of the mission. She nods to them and they give her a half-smile in return.

[sillybayo]

What Do You Think? Can We Do It?

(Originally posted on AO3 on 2/23/23. You can also find this on fanfiction.net)

A pre-calamity botw/totk zelink fic with slight canon complaint and hurt/comfort. Zelda has just returned from The Spring of Power only for her father to become stressed and disappointed again. She goes off into the forest, and Link tries to come up with a solution to calm her nerves.

~~~

Leaves crunched harshly beneath the princesses boots as she stomped into the forest. Birds flew out of the apple trees out of the fear of her groans. In contrast, a soft breeze accompanied her on the trail, along with the short knight that walked a few feet behind her. She was used to him at this point, he won't leave no matter how much she begged. It's his job after all. But she later found his presence comforting, as she felt much less lonely than before, despite him being as quiet as a rock. Maybe his silence is just what she needed after a long day. Maybe she needed him more than she knew. But even still, a hot overwhelming feeling built up inside her no matter how many times she shouted.

"Why won't he just understand already?!" Zelda shrieked. "What part of 'There's nothing more I can do' does he not get?! If I could awaken my powers right now—I would!" She kicked the hard ground, bruising her foot. She winced, but went right back to ranting. "It's not like I'm trying to put everyone in suspense as Ganon comes closer, he knows that! He knows that I've been praying and training within every second I can, so why is he just so? So!?"

She fumbled with her words, and continued yelling and kicking to release her frustration deep within. Link only watched, standing there a bit awkwardly.

"You agree, right?!" She suddenly turned to him. "That he's being foolish? More ignorant than anyone on Earth? Like, seriously, what does he not understand?! I'm not just some war machine that you can turn on and off! Praying at this point is useless!"

He was intimidated by such a question. Not because Zelda scared him—far from it—more like what would happen if he were to voice his opinion. He agrees, her father is far too harsh on her. Link has seen her put all of her effort into awakening her powers..and yet, nothing. He wanted to stand up for her, and help find more ways to put an end to Calamity Ganon, but this is the king of Hyrule we're talking about. Link is nothing more than a teeny knight hired to look after Zelda. One word of contradiction, and only Hylia knows what'd happen next.

So he ended up staying silent as always, standing firmly in place. But he decided to at least try to give her a sympathetic look. He couldn't just leave her hanging, not like this.

"Right!" She knew he wasn't going to speak anyhow. At least it was something. "We have the Guardians, the Champions, and a stellar army and weaponry! If we all work together, we could take Ganon down! So why am I the only one constantly pressured?!" The last sentence was said with a cry, which caught Link off guard. Zelda's vexation had a whole new meaning now, and he cursed himself for not realizing it sooner.

The knight allowed himself to relax, with his shoulders drooping and his eyes widening. He watched as the princess walked up to a tree and slumped down, pressing her knees against her chest. A heavy feeling in his heart rose, and he couldn't help but to sit beside her.

Her voice cracked and broke, and Zelda spoke more quietly than Link has ever heard from her before. "I'm so tired, Link. So..so tired..I don't know what to do or where to go next. I've prayed to spirits, shrines, statues, The Spring of Courage, The Spring of Power and…nothing, neither worked. Have my ancestors suffered this much? I-is there something wrong with me? What else do I need to do?! Everyone could die at any moment and I can't do anything!"

An eruption of hot tears flooded her face, and she flushed with a deep red. Impulsively, Link cupped her face in his hands, catching and wiping away the droplets. Though caught off guard by such a sudden gesture, Zelda couldn't help but to keep sobbing. Her face was held close, and Link could see much more details than before. Her eyes had dark and deep circles underneath, and her hair was much more messy and unkempt than usual. She must have been staying up much later than she should be; most likely to study and pray, Link concluded. The knight rubbed her warm face with his thumbs, gently tracing circles on her cheeks, and she managed to subdue her cries into the form of quiet whines and sniffles. He had a feeling this technique would calm her down, he always did this whenever his little sister—Aryll—was wailing over something like her kite flying away in the wind, or stubbing her toe against a table. He always did this to the one he cared about, and now he gets to do it again but with a whole new meaning.

The next step was to try and think of a way to help the situation. He didn't know much about magic or spirits or gods or whatever, and it seemed like they were out of options, but he needed to think of something. He couldn't bare to see Zelda in so much despair anymore. So he skimmed through his mind and thought, and thought, and thought, and thought…..

The springs!

They've gone to two out of three of the springs, The Spring of Courage, and The Spring of Power. There's one left, The Spring of Wisdom.

Link released Zelda's face and pulled out his Sheikah Slate, showing her the location of where he suggests to go next. She leaned in and took a look, examining the area.

"I can't go there yet..you have to be at least seventeen years old to enter."

Link raised his eyebrow, and she immediately knew what he was asking. "My birthday is in about two weeks, but we can't afford to waste so much time! Wh-what if.."

Her hands turned into fists, and they trembled, indicating the worst thoughts imaginable. The knight took them into his, rough and covered with scars. The princess unraveled her balled up hands, allowing herself to relax, just for a moment. Her hands were surprisingly a bit bigger than his, Link figured maybe it's because she physically matured faster compared to him, if that even correlates to the former topic. But he held her hands anyways, tracing the veins that covered her knuckles. He thought about kissing them as gently as he could, if it would mean relieving her stress further, and showing that he adored her more than she knew. But it remained just that, a thought. They have more pressing matters, after all.

Finally, Zelda took a deep breath, and stared down at her hands enclosed in her knights one last time, and then looked into his honest eyes. "Then, it's settled. I'll tell my father our plan, and then we'll prepare to leave." A twinge of concern revealed on her face once more. "Do..do you think I can do it in time?"

All he did was smile kindly, giving her the most genuine look he ever has. Suddenly, she wasn't so scared anymore.

[tangybug]

In the hypothetical case that Ladybug and Tangerine have a relationship, what would their dynamic be like? who is top and who is bottom? or are they switch?

rubbing my hands together so evilly because of this question thank you

some disclaimers first though, this is just how i approach the ship and people are of course allowed to disagree with me! write and think what you want. also personality doesn't equal sexual preference, sex positions are just sex positions, top does not equal dom and bottom does not equal sub. but for the sake of this ask i'm just going to be talking about the dom/sub aspect of their relationship, cause i think it would influence their dynamic. okay lets go.

so i think it's kind of easy to see the emotionally open/softer character as the sub and the angry/more closed off character as the dom (and i have thoughts about this too but that's a different conversation) but these characters are so much more nuanced than that. ladybug is open and emotional, but he's also very protective, very naturally skilled at what he does and he's very levelheaded. he's flexible, he goes with the flow, and in any relationship tangerine needs someone to be able to weather his storm while also knowing when to push back against him, and ladybug can very much do that. their push and pull is what makes the ship work for me, and i think ladybug's emotional openness would only make him a better dom.

ladybug feels out of control often and he should have a space where he's able to take the reins and feel secure in himself, and i think being able to take care of someone would be very emotionally fulfilling to him. in a committed relationship, the trust it would take for someone (especially someone like tangerine, who is intimacy issues galore) to let him in this way would be very touching to him.

on the flip side, tangerine wants to be in control all the time and this is a painful struggle for him. he deserves a place to let that go. his soft interior and his trauma and his hurt and his love and how he struggles to cope with all of it is what draws me to him as a character. he's more than just two fists and he deserves to feel it. i think it would take some time and it wouldn't be easy, but for him to get to a place where he feels comfortable giving up control would also mean a lot to him. (not to mention i just dont think tangerine would be any good at domming at all. like i can imagine in past relationships he has probably tried it, especially with women, but in these situations i think he'd be going at it from the wrong place emotionally and it would not be fun or healthy for anyone. imho.)

basically i think they're both very lonely people but their wants and needs are different, but in alignment. in the book, ladybug has trauma with not being able to protect people and i see it as a major part of why he has that paternal type of struggle with prince when he decides to get back on the train. he has the desire to be caring and gentle with people, that's pretty clear in everything he does, despite his ability to be destructive both accidentally and on purpose. and i think tangerine has the impulse to reject gentleness because it scares him. and i think they both deserve to find a place where they can help each other through these issues.

tl/dr: sub tangerine and dom ladybug all the way for me. thanks for the ask!

[deborah-the-downer]

"Have you thought about why you've lost so many friends?"

Idk dude, why did you lose those same exact friends? Also maybe because I'm willing to remove awful people from my life.

What I don't get is ending a bunch of friendships and then deciding to still live with them and making both yourself and everyone else uncomfortable. You had months to switch to a different dorm but you just had to stay.

I hate feeling like I'm being talk downed to and belittled constantly because we're all apparently emotional and irrational and need things explained to us like toddlers and you're some magically enlightened being.

I hate that you don't take care of your cat and then act like we're insane for suggesting such a thing. Who noticed when his mouth was so pus filled that it was damn near glued shut? Not you and it took a shit ton of pressuring for you to take in remotely seriously. His chest is matted and I know that had happened over several months. He is always seeking our attention now because he's clearly lonely and was never like this before and now he has fucking fleas too. Cats don't get covered in flea dirt in an afternoon.

We have bugs because the state the dorm was in when it was just you in the summer. I came back to find me pans caked in old food and grease. You never take out the trash or do this dishes and you make a mess with your coffee grounds everywhere. I moved our paper towel holder to find a sticky coffee spot from where your coffee maker used to sit.

I hate that only your emotions seem to matter. That we aren't allowed to feel hurt or be offended by anything you do and that every little thing from us is a jab but unless we have something in fucking writing it doesn't count.

What hurts the most is I once thought you were my actual friend and you made so many promises to me and broke all of them. It's the fact that my friendship was apparently worthless. I'm so mad I wasted time giving you so much benefit of the fucking doubt.

It's crazy because I still don't understand what happened. I said I felt a little hurt that you were on a discord call when you were supposed to be hanging out with me and it's been insanity ever since. I feel like I'm going crazy because it's all absurd. It feels like Jekyll and Hyde from how wildly you switched up.

[fake-married-my-dead-fiance]

And I wrote some fan fiction. Read it below or on AO3

*****

Random snippets of Mu-deok/Naksu's diary:

Master Kill List: -trader who sold Mu-deok -Joo-wol nah she's cool -Jang Uk I promised I wouldn't, but I might... - Park Dang-Gu (I mean, I like him but he's related to Park Jin so I have to keep him here) -Jin Cho-yeon (no regrets there) -Lady Jin -Sang-ho (how dare he not let me in to Songrim!) -Jin Mu -That guy who knocked the meat stick out of my hands -Crown Prince he can live

-This jerk is the most spoiled, most picky, most annoying, most whiney human being I have met in my life. I did not know people like this even existed.

-The Danju abandoned me, guess I'll go watch my own funeral. Not sure what else to even do. This body is the worst body. I used to have actual muscles. Like how long would it even take for me to be able to climb up the side of a bridge? Ridiculous.

-My only option is this idiot...

-The poisoning plan worked perfectly. No regrets

-If Park Dang-Gu or ANYONE touches my hair or attempts to pat my head ONE MORE TIME I am killing them right then and there. I don't care if they're mages and I'm powerless. Poison. I'll use poison.

-Why does Jang Uk take so many baths? I don't get him at all. Before I guess he got cold because his gate of energy was closed but he's supposed to be normal now. Why the baths? WHY?

-This is the best luck ever! As long as Jang Uk doesn't die figuring out how to use it, he's going to have a whole ton of energy! This dude is so lucky.

-Jang Uk thinks I have to try not to fall in love with him?! Full of himself much? Now Seo Yul...

-Jang Uk randomly hugged me today just because he was happy despite the fact that I was covered with filth. He's so weird. I wish he had spent some of his lazy childhood actually learning how to fight because watching him was embarrassing.

He did manage to draw his father's sword though. Progress!

Crown Prince seems fairly easy to manipulate, Seo Yul not so much. I gave my sword to the C.P., not happy about that but I didn't have much choice. Jang Uk cannot fight with the C.P. again until he's stronger.

-Jang Uk was crying. It was awkward so I left.

-Jang Uk is still sad. He does not understand the basics of burying the hurt until it becomes hatred which is used to fuel your relentless training. It's how I became so powerful. (I need my power back!) I'm not actually sure what to do other than kicking him. I have no use for a student who won't learn.

-Master Heo has horrible self-control for someone his age. Finally got my useless student to move. Also, weird seeing Park Jin and he has no idea who I am. Even weirder with Seo Yul...

-Came here to focus on training and Jang Uk just wants to take baths again...

-WHY WON'T HE JUST DRINK THE CHASTE TEA??? I would in a heartbeat if I could get my powers back. I would cut it off permanently! I would give up a hand! This is Master Lee! He is legendary. He is the strongest mage I've ever seen. Drink the freaking tea!

It's some weird guy thing. I do not understand men.

-Threw a knife at that bastard, he deserved it. I'm going to burn the whole cottage down if he doesn't start training.

Went into town and almost got dragged away. Learned that this body can't tolerate alcohol which is just... perfect.

-It's so strange to be here with other people. Far less lonely I guess. I wish I could climb my tree. I can hardly climb a shrub in this useless body. Jang Uk still can't control his hand.

-Jang Uk thought he was so fast but I poked HIM in the eyes. That's what he deserves. He said some weird stuff about my soul marks and standing close to people. Ridiculous.

-Decided to hand him over to stay alive. It's only right... Traded my life for a damn bird egg. But Jang Uk actually did Tansu! We might survive this duel after all

-WHAT DO THEY MEAN I'M NOT ALLOWED IN SONGRIM?

-Now that Jang Uk got what he wanted he might just leave me behind. I'm not staying here and working as a servant for the rest of my life. I should have blackmailed him before he went; I didn't know the stupid rules. How could he do this? Trained him to win and now I'm left behind. He better not forget about our promise. But unless I'm there how will I make sure he keep training? I'm not staying in this pathetic body for years...

-Is the Crown Price in love with Mu-deok? Also, I cannot even express how much I hate cinnamon.

-Shit. Why did he have to say that? What is wrong with him? It was *not* a love letter.

-HE IS SAD AGAIN! I do not know how to deal with sad people. Why does this jerk have so many emotions? Why is he so lazy? You just keep going no matter how much pain you feel.

Also, Songrim wont even beat a student who won't train? They also suck at torture. How has this organization even survived? Pathetic.

-Ha ha! Bet my bird egg to make Jang Uk train. Was forced to admit I value the jade egg. Overall worked great. I do hope he manages to get it back. Because I want my power back and that would prove he's improving, no other reason.

-Jang Uk keeps hugging me. It's weird. Why is he so clingy? At least he's happy now. I'll bring him some snacks.

Another woman attempted to bring Jang Uk snacks. I wonder if I should kill her?

-So do I love him? Maybe? Doesn't matter if I do; once I get my powers back I'm gone. He's the crazy one who thinks we could possibly have a future after all of this. It would never work. It doesn't matter, love is useless and fickle. It's not worth risking your life over.

-Stupid love. Stupid ice stone. Stupid giving up my chance at powers. Stupid people that I love didn't want to see die being inside the ice stone. Stupid stupid stupid. Now I'm stuck in this useless body forever.

[donttouchmyempire]

Yeah, apparently I can't control myself so here are some headcanons I've made from H2O just add water (it is a fanfiction I'm still planning to write)

So, after Lewis got his scholarship to the USA, he's afraid that his relationship with Cleo won't be the same

Cleo is also afraid but also optimistic and happy for him

They try to keep in touched everyday, even though Lewis is very busy.

They don't need to spend hours in the cellphone; he smiles for a whole day when Cleo texts him in the morning "you'll do great today in your exams, love you". And Cleo would read his brief and sweet messages before going to sleep so she could forget a bit about her problems

She was worried after her graduation because she still didn't really know what to study in college.

And Lewis would try to help her as always

They would never tell each other but sometimes wondered if the other would find someone better during this period

Cleo was not so insecure anymore but she couldn't help having this thoughts where a Charlotte 2.0 appears and gets too close

Lewis, on the other hand, would be very secure about his relationship with Cleo because he trusts her. But sometimes he remembers how incredibly beautiful she is and he couldn't blame anyone who would fancy her

But in general, a long distance relationship was better than they thought

So one day, around one year later, Lewis' friends in the US think that he needs to try to be with someone else because his australian gf was cheating on him by that time for sure.

And they try to take him to a party because "you need to live a bit outside of this lab" (and some of them would try to mock him for being a "virgin" but Lewis honestly couldn't care less)

Thing is, he really is not interested, even if he was single, because that research was the most important thing that moment

Their friends at some point give up, but not after making him go at least to one party with them.

They thought that he would finally bang someone, but he is there only to make them stop inviting him to these parties bc he def had some more important things to do

And yeah, there were lots of pretty girls there

But none of them had the same kind, green eyes, and that wide smile, and calm thoughtful voice.

Lewis didn't usually think too much about how he missed Cleo, but that night he wished he was in the moon pool cave just looking at her

And he faced the sky and saw the moon. He couldn't help but think about all the full moon nights he spent awake to help the girls

And for the first time in months he allowed himself to cry - not only because he missed Cleo, but also missed those days that would never return.

So he picked his phone, knowing that Cleo would be probably working at that time and left her a message

"Hey, Cleo. I was just... Looking at the moon. And yeah, I'm on this party here, people thought I needed to have some fun and leve the lab a bit but... I just want to say that I miss you. A lot. Nothing has changed. And nothing is funny without you. But I look at the moon and at the ocean and I.. I like to think that we're not so far away".

When Cleo hears it, some tears roll down her face because she never heard Lewis sound so heartbroken. And yeah, sometimes she also missed him that it would almost literally hurt

She could tell that he wasn't okay and her only thought was "He is lonely"

And she decides that it was time to visit him and she would go. Swimming.

Of course she had to tell her dad she would go by plane using some savings she had.

Rikki didn't really like the idea of Cleo swimming a whole ocean alone

Bella thought it would be amazing

But Cleo convinces them that it won't be so difficult because she can control the water

And in fact, it wasn't. Most of the time she didn't need to swim so hard bc the water was carrying her. And she somehow knew where to go

It took her one day and she was amazed with the possibilities

Of course she hadn't told Lewis she would be there, so she just headed to his address

And when he opened the door, after a day of studying hard with a bottle of energy drink he thought his mind was playing him tricks

But it was her. In front of him, smiling.

They looked at each other in silence for a moment, all the words they wanted to say shared through their stares

And when she hugged him, suddenly he felt home. And when they kissed, she felt everything was alright again

Part of his brain wanted to ask how the hell she arrived there swimming

But all he could think was about her lips that tasted like salt water

And they were just there, in his tiny living room, the last rays of sun going through the window, heating even more the moment, the scene and their bodies

He didn't even asked if that was her first time - he knew it was their first time, they knew each other since they were five and it was surprisingly how their bodies communicate so perfectly with each other when they struggled with words

And she could tell he was nervous and kinda wished it was full moon so she would be more confident

It was gentle, caring and loving, with lots of kissing and giggling

And when it was over, they felt the same way: relieved and delighted

After a moment, Cleo says "so, apparently it was worth it to swim across the ocean"

And he just smiled and said "you didn't have to do this, you know."

"I know. But you needed me. It was your full moon and I couldn't leave you alone in a full moon. I thought it was our main rule in the mermaid club."

[suicidalbrokenwife]

I'm writing this because I don't know where else or how else i'm gonna express this dark, broken part of me. I'm a 34 year old wife who is married to a asshole narcissist who gaslights, manipulate and hurt me in parts i never knew i can be hurt.

when all of my friends and peers got married, i thought wow maybe that'd be me one day. there was a point in my life where i was always the bridesmaid, never a bride and i didnt want that to happen to me.

but i was happy where i was, partying, earning money, living alone, not a care or commitment in the world. although it gets lonely so i filled my time with random men and weed. i know i know, not a good way to live but such is life but it was good. i'd feel bad when those random men didnt want to stay and be with me but i quickly move on, going to concerts and rave parties and immerse myself with worldly fun.

work was good too. not much stress, no mess, no bringing-to-home kinda work and my colleagues were great, same minded and liberal.

but then i met this guy, not good looking but he has something that made me feel loved for the first time. he was quick to hold on to me, texting me 24/7, listening to my problems and for the first time in my life, i dont feel so alone anymore. or so i thought.

fast forward 2 years later and we got married. u know how he proposed to me?

in the car, without a ring. just because his family is asking when are we getting married.

he didnt bend his knee and asked me if i would marry him. he said,

"LETS GET MARRIED. PEOPLE ARE ASKING, WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?".

during the first few months, it was great. i was doing wifey stuff and he'd be working, i'd be working. i thought this is forever. i was in love and our wedding song is 'Feels Like Home'. thats how i feel about him.

he bought a house before he met me and when it was ready, we moved in. this is about 4-5 month after marriage. before that he lived with me in my 2 BR apartment which i love so much. 15 mins away from my mums and 15 mins away from work (without traffic) but i had to give it all up because the house he bought was in the middle of fucking nowhere. 40 mins away from everything and everyone ive ever known.

but i was with him so although i was reluctant to move, i did it anyway.

a few months after, i found out i was pregnant. I WAS NOT READY. i always wanted to be a mother but not then, not yet so when i found out, the first word that came out of my mouth was "FUCK!!!!!". i know, i know, not very motherly.

but things with my husband started to go downhill from there. a pregnant woman is hormonal, everyone knows this so the littlest things made me sensitive. i got so sensitive and angry at him about something and slammed my work room's door on him. instead of apologizing and understanding my hormonal anger, he raised his hands at me. to be fair he didnt touch me but the idea was there. and there it was, the first RED FLAG.

how can a man be so cruel to raise his hands to his hormonal pregnant wife? i have no idea. since then i thought to myself, i made a BIG mistake.

over time, it gets worse.

being new parents took a big ass toll on our marriage. we're both exhausted, i'm reeling and emotional and overwhelmed. instead of being my rock and support me and care for me, he left me all alone with the newborn at my mums. i didnt know what i was doing and the resentment started right there.

usually, 44 days after delivery is the most critical period where a wife needs her husband more than ever. i chose to stay at my mums so there can be more than 1 pair of hands to help me, my mum, my siblings. since they were there, he decided to leave me and stayed at our place, only staying over for the weekend. he didnt go through the pain of waking up ever 2-4 hours to feed the baby, he didnt support me to allow me to sleep. i mean i wouldnt want my mum to stay up for the baby while i get some rest and recuperate? my sister is working, most of the time she's not home and my brother is definitely too young to be holding a newborn.

so i was mostly alone and u know mums, they nag and nag and i just sunk deeper into depression and resentment. i talked to my bestfriend about this and she said that my husband should have stayed with me throughout the 44 days.

the days went on and i struggled to keep my sanity. i love my baby but i am just so tired and going crazy and hormonal. we struggled to put the baby to sleep, he cried loudly and it was just an extremely tense experience. so tense it brought the worst in both of us. while trying to calm the baby, he got so mad at me and kicked me while holding the baby. how fucked up is that huh?

i remember his face, a satanic face so contorted with anger i just dont recognize him. it was horrible.

i remember my SIL said good luck to me for marrying him because he's known to be stingy and frugal. i didnt believe it before but boy do i know it now. i'll get back to this later.

and the cycle of violence went on and on and on. he kicked me, choked me, bruised me, hurt me and then he said sorry and beg for forgiveness on his knees. yes, yes i know it was foolish of me to stay. but my son needs a father just as much as he needs me. so i did. i endured and put aside all the red flags and just be.

in front of my family and even his, he is seen as this doting father and great husband, my cousins said he's awesome. even my grandma loves him, thinking he's a good man. but behind closed doors? only i know how he is like. the silent treatments, the annoyed face, the way he talks to me so diminutive and traitorous, so gangster-like. he kept repeating that he is not afraid of me and insulted me and my family despite the love we gave him.

my baby brother got into a bit of a rut with the police because they caught him riding his bike without license and registration and insurance so his bike was taken into impound. (this is another elaborate story i will tell some other time, my brother has his own chapter) he has to go to work and my mum comes here everyday to help me with my son while i work. so he needs a bike. my mum humbly asked my husband if my brother can borrow his bike because he usually drives to work, at least until the issue is resolved.

knowing him, i asked him if he wants to give and he said since my mum asked nicely, he had to but he has conditions. his bike can never be parked simply, like by the road or unlocked. he bought his bike with cash so he's fussy. one day, i caught my brother left my husband's bike outside the gate of my mums place with unlocked tyres so i reported to my husband.

immediately he texted my mum asking for his bike back since his condition is not fulfilled. my mum was so gutted and annoyed and she had to ask someone else for help. this situation is when my mum saw my husband for what he is, underneath the facade, the pretense.

this is a breaking point for me because finally my mum understand my frustrations towards him and FINALLY, she believes me. before this if i told her, she wouldnt believe me and sided with him because my mum know what a hot head i am. what she didnt know at the time was how hot headed he is and with this incident, she knows and it might made me look like a bad person for technically sabotaging my brother and my mum, but finally, she knows. i mean i have the choice not to tell my husband anything but i did anyway because i know how he would react and boy oh boy was i right.

whatever i went through, i never actually told my mum fully because i knew she wouldnt believe me and it makes me angry but after what happened with my brother, it gives me great relief she understands. not that i told her everything now but she knows and she despise him because of it.

the only person i can tell everything to is my sister. i have friends and bestfriends but they are all busy with their lives and kids and work. i didnt want to burden anyone. my sister also despise him now.

throughout our almost 3 years of marriage and almost 2 years after having a child, we've been on a date just the 2 of us only twice. not every week, not every month, just twice in almost 2 years. and both times i had to come up with a plan and timing so it was exhausting.

every time we went out even if my son with us, he never held my hand unless i initiated it. even at home, after my son is asleep, he will only initiate something when he wants to be..intimate. otherwise, he will just ignore me. he never hugged me if i cried, he never kissed my forehead, just basically almost zero effort of PDA from his side. i feel so neglected and used.

i dont even want to talk about our sex life. just one word, UNFULFILLED. u get it.

the last straw was this. one day i was bathing my son and i wanted to clean his ears with cotton buds. he was struggling and crying so much that i accidentally poked too hard and he started bleeding. i was horrified and panicked and feeling all sorts of guilt, i immediately told him and we rushed to the clinic. my son didnt cry after that and the bleeding was like a few drops only.

on the way to the clinic, worried and full of guilt, he said to me, "if there's any permanent damage, i'll blame u."

those words ripped my heart in two. it was so devastating and i got so upset i cant even begin to describe how i felt.

throughout his entire life, i was the only one who took care of my sons hygiene. cleaning his nose, his ears, cutting his nails and make sure he washes his hands before and after meal with soap, scrub his body and brush his teeth. ME! if it were up to my husband, he wouldnt do anything since my son will twist and turn and refused to submit to cleaning. it doesnt matter to him my sons teeth isnt brushed, his nails has dirt below them. nope. he didnt care.

it wasnt like i purposely wanted to hurt my child. FUCK! it was an accident! i gave birth to him, i carried him in my belly for almost 9 months, i'm with him all day and all night and my husband had the guts to talk like that to me?

the most appropriate thing he could have said to me instead was calming words, he'll be fine. its's just a bit of blood etc. but nope, he chose to blame me after everything ive done, everything ive sacrificed for this fucking family, everything ive tolerated! in return, not only i dont feel loved, i feel lost, alone, angry, resentment and now..it's pure dark hatred.

let me tell u a bit about my routine everyday. i work shifts and these few months, my shift is at 2pm until 11pm which is a shitty shift.

so i'd wake up around 8-9am, he's already gone to work. i manage my son first, bath, milk, clothes etc. while he's drinking his milk, i quickly think of what to cook that day, what can i feed my son and i immediately started to rearrange the washed dishes and prep to cook. while cooking my son watches TV and when he's done with his milk, he will play alone.

after the food is ready, i will feed him and when thats done, i start to clean the house. wipe the counters and tables, wash the dishes, unload the bottle sterilizer, manage the clothes we washed and hanged, vacuum the entire house and make our bed. by the time i'm done with all this, i may have like 30 mins to relax and sit down with my kid while i feed him some snacks like fruits or stuff.

around 1pm, it's time to get him ready for his afternoon nap. when he finally dozed off, i might have like 15 - 30 mins to get ready to work and this is when i get to sit down properly but i had to start working and man, it aint easy. it's work non-stop and handling stupid people all day until 11pm. it's draining, mentally and emotionally.

sometimes my son will wake up later like around 10am and he wouldnt have a nap until 1.30pm so i wont have time to shower, after he dozed off, i'd have to start work immediately. sometimes i logged in and continue to lull him to sleep. sometimes it takes an hour.

i'd get to shower at 4-5pm and i would smell like shit, didnt get the chance to eat, just water. sometimes i'd only ate at 6-7pm. it's fucking exhausting.

when my mum comes around 3-4pm and help me take care of my son i can focus on work but sometimes, he'd come looking for me and wanted to be by me so i'd lose focus and delaying my work.

work is shitty these days. all they care about are numbers and productivity, never taking into consideration our personal lives or difficulty or obstacles.

by the time i finish work at 11pm, my son would be asleep. there was a time where he wouldnt want to sleep unless its with me and he had to wait for me to finish at 11pm. poor baby. thank god these days he's not breastfeeding anymore, less night wakings and he can sleep before i finish work because i hate it when he has to wait for me. sighs.

i got 1 hour meal break which is about 6-7pm. if i already taken a shower before, i'd have dinner and start clearing up the kitchen, wiping the counters and stove, throw away my cats poop, do the dishes. sometimes my mum would help a bit but i didnt force her to. she's not my maid, she's just helping me. i already asked too much of her for driving 40 mins one way everyday just to help me out with my son.

only after work i get to breathe and do my thing. may it be phone games or movies or series. but i couldnt sleep past 2am or i'll die the next day. so the window to my freedom is very narrow.

it's non stop hustling since i wake up until i get to bed at night.

i raised this to my husband, that i'm tired and i leave my son alone too much because i was busy with work and chores. i told him i need a helper to do all these things so i would have time for myself and for my son. i literally cry my eyeballs out, pouring my heart, telling him that i need a break or at least someone to reduce my burden.

because i'm the kind of person who, not OCD or a neat freak, just tidy. i have a baby and a long domestic haired cat where sometimes, i can see her hair all over the place and i dont like that. i dont want my son to be sick because i'd worry myself to death. so i take extreme precaution to ensure my house is tidy and i wont be able to sleep until it is.

he knows this. he knows how important this is to me. but he also notes that we need a new car, for long drives as both of our cars are old. so i sold mine. my 20 year old beat up car, passed down from my mum. unfortunately, we can only afford either one. or so i thought.

with all the news and devastating deaths of infant by nurseries or caretakers or sitters whether its incidental or abuse, i cant send my son to neither of them. not at least until he's ready to go to playschool.

so i told my husband we should hold off on the car until my son is ready and hire a maid for now first at least for another 1-2 years.

however, he made his satanic stare again at me, like he's already made up his mind. after the ear bleeding accident, he bought a car without seeking my approval or even asking me.

a new car is much more important that me. my sanity. my wellness. my mental and emotional health. HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT? i practically begged him to hire a maid for us but he just dismissed me and get what he wants without consulting me.

so how am i a wife to him? how is he a husband to me?

it broke my heart and all my hope and trust and love and respect for him immediately dissipated. disappear. poof. GONE. just like that i know how insignificant i am to him. how unimportant. how worthless.

i went to my deep dark end. i wanted to end my life just to see if he'd miss me. just to see if he can live without me. just to see if he can raise our son without me.

but i'm not as selfish as he is. my son needs me. he's my only reason to still be breathing. to face this violent, unkind world. him. my son.

i told my sister i regret saying yes to this marriage but she reminded me that without this marriage, my son wouldnt be born.

and here we are now, on the brink of divorce. there's too much drama to tell, too many things i put away that i forgot where i put it.

when he said he's letting me go, BOY WAS I RELIEVED. relieved i never have to see his ugly face ever again, never have to suck his short small cock again (that only get hard for 5 mins, 1 round per night), never have to pretend i'm something else or somebody else in front of him or his family. to be able to be myself like i was released from prison.

PRAISE ALLAH!

i know it is not ideal for my son but if i stay and beg for him to take me back, i'd be miserable and that will effect my son too. he will understand this soon.

[enigmaincrimson-personal]

To be fair, it is pretty obvious when someone doesn't want to talk to me when they stop answering everything I've sent.

I know I'm not worth the time and effort, but it just feels kind of rough to just be abandoned like that.

Who cares that I wanted to do something... I'm just a meme resource.

Maybe I ask too much.

Maybe they're right and I'm just a guilt tripping asshole who has nothing better to offer?

These days, it feels more like I'm waiting to die than anything else.

I don't feel comfortable carrying threads... It feels like they don't want to do something and well... I don't do well with carrying, especially since people have accused me of godmodding over it.

Also, how can someone take breaks when they are always waiting? There's nothing to take a break from...

I'm sorry for trying various means to test out concepts for my muses, but it's not easy to figure out what you want at times... And it's better those tools take the brunt of my insanity than torturing people with my stressed out and confused rambling.

I know that everyone pretty much decided that I was the bad guy in everything I do... And it's not like I'm going to go to your partners and whine about it.

As much as I'd love to be allowed to actually move on, it's not like they'll let me. My sins are too great, or so they tell me.

I'm sorry for rambling on. It didn't help how I feel as I still feel like refuse.

Being dubbed a villain gets tiring.

Like, as much as I love it when people gift me things, I've learned that in many cases... It's not out of the good of their heart.

How would you feel if someone gave you a present and then turned around and wanted money for it?

Even if I could afford to commission art, it's just common sense to already know what you want to order.

And If I was going to do it myself, I'd want to pin down what I want too.

But I don't think like everyone else does, and well... Even if I didn't have carpal tunnel, no amount of practice would give me the ability to draw in the same way someone else might.

People on here are rather obsessed with everything needing to be as pretty and presentation accurate as possible.

But I feel reluctant to just... Change things to fit whatever design fad there is...

Like teeny tiny blogs the size of a post card and only lets you see a paragraph at a time and you can't find the links.

I can't keep track of all the tags and triggers people want me to track... I'm having enough trouble sorting myself out... And the 1500+ followers that I wish would send stuff instead of reblogging that one Persona 3 dorm post for the millionth time.

I miss you guys... Even if a bunch of you loathe my existence now.

Maybe I'm not done mourning your loss. It's just upsetting to lose people like that. I don't know why they block me, they never tell... And it's not like they make the effort to actually communicate... I'm not worth the effort.

The rest is people telling me that I have no right to do anything, let alone be alive.

I hate myself.

I'm tired of having to constantly worry that some idiot is going to treat things like a competition and drag what little is left through the mud.

Especially since other people get hurt because of me... It's lonely as well as upsetting.

[dootdootwriting]

Yooo, if you're open for requests and you feel like doing this one, could you write reader (possibly gn) comforting Zhongli and/or Thoma? Something both fluffy and hurt/comfort, hurts good kinda vibe.

Thanks in advance!

hurt/comfort my beloved.... anyway i made up some scenarios for this!! enjoy <3

pairing: zhongli, thoma x reader (separate) tw: theyre sad lol, mentions of past trauma in zhongli's type: hurt/comfort pronouns used: none! a/n: this took me three days and i had to rewrite it because i read the request wrong someone send help </3

ZHONGLI

being alive for so long will take its toll, especially on someone who's seen so much and been in the middle of so much war

normally zhongli is calm and collected, though there are times when he has to take a break and be by himself for a while

these are the days where he pretends to be sick and tags out of work

since he's met you, however, the memories eat away at him less and less

you're able to remind him to live in the present and enjoy the moments he's living through as he lives through them - especially now that he is for all thoughts and purposes a mortal

he still has his days, though, and since you're usually busy, he doesn't like to disturb you. by the time you get home, he's usually composed himself and is ready to receive you.

except for today.

commissions went quickly and you were feeling just a little bit lonely, so you decided to go home early

instead of tea brewing and zhongli intently reading the newspaper, or an empty foyer with a note reading "went out to watch the ships, be back soon," you found nothing.

and then you find zhongli sitting on the bed, head in hands, sobbing almost silently

your hand finds its way to his back, gently rubbing slow circles into the fabric of his shirt

when he finally turns his head to look at you, you expected to find him sad. instead, however, he mostly just seems very, very tired

and thankfully, you're exactly what he needs. after a few seconds, zhongli wordlessly places his head in the crook of your neck, allowing you to hold him

it's not often that you see him like this, and while it's a bit difficult to understand what to do, you figure he just needs some comfort

you stay holding him for a while before his breaths slow down, and he removes himself gently from your arms and kisses your forehead

"thank you, my dear... i apologize for the inconvenience. would you like to go make some tea?"

you tell him he doesn't have to apologize for anything, and he lets out a light huff and brings you in for a quick hug

tea turns out to be exactly the right thing.

THOMA

ah yes, inazuma's beloved fixer, always helping someone somewhere with some sort of issue

it seems that wherever he goes, someone has a problem in need of solving, and of course he is the one to ask

and he doesn't ask anything in return! thoma is Just That Kind, and unfortunately, this means people tend to take advantage of him.

it seems these days that he doesn't even have time to have his own problems

when you meet him for a nice dinner at the komore teahouse, taroumaru greets you eagerly, tail wagging as always. you expect to see your boyfriend in the same state, as he is usually.

however, when you enter the room where you're supposed to meet him, instead, you find him exhausted and slumped over his meal.

"hey, what's wrong? are you okay?"

and BOY DOES HE TELL YOU.

thoma erupts from his seat. his arms flail out from his torso and he rants for as long as he has the breath for

it's almost funny, the way he's frustrated with everything, his limbs flapping about wildly, but you can tell how much he'd had pent up inside, so instead of laughing, you pull him in for a hug

he sighs loudly and lets his head fall on your shoulder

"i just don't even have my own life anymore. i'm sorry for yelling. i'm not mad at you."

you reassure him you knew he wasn't angry with you, and pat his back, chuckling lightly

"how about we take a week off, okay? you can tell lord kamisato i have other plans with you."

"please," he says, and you can hear the relief in his voice.

you spend the night resting with him flopped on top of you, mumbling about the people he'd helped today

and you swear to yourself: if anyone even tries to ask him for something over his break, you were going to strangle them.

[prof-peach]

Hello there.. My name is Ranny and I saw Pokemon matchups are open.

I read somewhere among your posts that Ghost types could be good for little exposure to the outside? I could be mistaken, but I'll leave it to the expert.

I feel I'm quite.. difficult.. to matchup with and I can't think of something myself, I don't want to hinder any Pokemon's growth with my circumstances.. which I should probably explain? I guess I don't need to go into too much detail but I have a lot of anxiety and depression, social anxieties and ptsd (very reactive to things moving too fast above me). I have fluctuating agoraphobia also, when at a severe level being too close to windows and doors will trigger panic attacks.. I have mobility issues down to Fibromyalgia, communication and management difficulties due to Autism, and I have a hard time concentrating or get lost in hyperfocussing down to ADHD..

I'm very introverted, an INFJ personality, but I do get lonely, very lonely. My depression pretty much has me feeling low more often than not but also pretty hopeless in finding a Pokemon friend, partner, companion, or anything that won't ultimately become hindered by my existence..

Any shred of hope I have of finding someone, even if just the right direction toward one, has been poured into this.. But ultimately, please don't feel too bad if you can't think of any or don't have any available.

I have seen many specialists for my mental and physical health too, it's a painfully slow process, I just thought some company might help the journey perhaps..

Fingers crossed, huh?

Many kind regards, Ranny

The right thing you did here was explain. I’m able to give you a far more accurate suggestion because of that, so thank you for being honest about what you need a Pokemon for, aside from good company.

You’re not wrong, finding a Pokemon must have been hard for you, no one individual Pokemon could cover all the bases. That being said, a group of three low impact species could indeed help you here.

Because your situation is so specific, there’s a little less wiggle room on what you could get away with keeping, but for sure you have some choices.

So first off, emotional help, shuppet. A Pokemon happy to be indoors, often willing to help those who show them love. They’ll help regulate the moods, keep you calmer, happier, and overall more freed up to handle other things. The feelings of anxiety and depression are exhausting, You know that, but without that constant background noise of it all, you’ll have a lot more energy and opportunity to enjoy more things. In serious cases, even two shuppet would help, so talk to your doctor and also the pokecentres near you about this. This of course can be done over the phone or online, if it suits you better. Shuppet are underrated, and have high populations in the wild, I don’t know why folks overlook them, perhaps the dex entries around the species spook them. Either way, can’t suggest better than them.

Second up, indoor happy psychic types. The psychic lines are adept at aiding day to day, if you hurt and can’t reach something, or you feel tired and can’t get up to deal with going to the bathroom or something, they’re more than capable of using telekinetic powers to assist your movements, even in the bad days. Some are fully able to learn how to help regulate moods too, predicting panic attacks for their trainers, using various methods to help you before things get too stressful, or even dangerous. They also regulate brain waves, so your autism may feel a little easier to manage the longer you spend with a psychic partner. It’s proven most psychic types will do this automatically, to aid their human family day to day.

My top psychic pokemon picks for you:

solosis - a Pokemon that can and does exist in the vacuum of space, they don’t require food like average Pokemon, and have a very upbeat outlook on things more often than not, thrive indoors, so long as they get enrichment and company.

Espurr - correctly trained these Pokemon can also double up as a really good buddy for those who feel calmer when petting or brushing fur. They can be great loving companions, but also are notoriously happy entertaining themselves should you be busy, and find the life of an indoor Pokemon quite agreeable sometimes.

If I was in your position, and I felt like I could afford and handle three, I would get all three Pokemon I suggested. This gives them days off, time to relax, and breaks from the duties of a support Pokemon. Everything needs time out, so having a care rotor will allow them to plan for time out, to do things they enjoy too.

You’ll have to take this list to your local adoption centre, or even lab/professor, and they will help to put you on a waiting list for the correct species you decide upon in the end. You can’t just go and catch one from the wild in this case, these Pokemon all need very intense and specific lessons to help them be the best aids to you. The facility that eventually helps you find a set of partners will then try to match your personality to those of the support Pokemon then have ready to be rehomed. Get ready for a few visits to the facilities, to meet potential matches, but it’s well worth it. The company and love Pokemon give us is proven to aid in mood, and wellbeing. I think it’d really do you well to take at least a shuppet on.

Be aware, when possible it’s still nice for these Pokemon to go outside, even if you don’t. If you have access to a yard, or a shared garden, try to let them have time in the sun when possible if they are interested. Socialising them is also advised, even if only with friends and family’s Pokemon, send them with trusted individuals to the shops, just to take a break from the house, you know, normal junk like that.

The facility that will eventually assign you a partner will make sure to pick individuals who suit your lifestyle as best as possible, so you shouldn’t end up with a partner who isn’t ok with the conditions you’ve set out.

Do not lose hope, there’s a combo out there for everyone, and I think this set is a good one for you from what you’ve told me. Hopefully you can move forward and make some neat friends!

[saturnsstufff]

The Empress- Darker the Weather // Better the Man

Warnings: topics from the empress, Violence

Sarah laid on the makeshift cot. Lately with how everything had been pulled out, the war seemed like it had no end. Her eyes danced dully well her fingers fiddled with the locket from her lovers. Tears easily welled her eyes at the thought of them waiting for her.

Distant, everything is scattered

She missed them, she missed them more than she thought she truly would. The way their fingers danced warmly around her locks. Or how mornings were spent wrapped up tightly within her wives arms, the cold artic air contrasting to the warm blankets. She just missed the softness of the lingering moments.

When your mind is shattered and torn apart

She knew the war wouldn't last forever, yet with every passing day, it seemed the ending was fading. Sarah knew she shouldn't be mad at Technoblade or (y/n), but she couldn't help it.

Maybe it started with (y/n), the way she clinged and lulled the grand emperor into a false sense of pride. She easily Loathed that. Everyone within the empire assumed the Emperor was in control, but Sarah- being the general, knew exactly who had the power.

In an instant, I can be indifferent

But could she really bring herself to hate her? After all she was pregnant with the Emperor's baby as of currently.

She knew she shouldn't, yet it was so easy...

When she walked into the tent to see the Grand Emperor packing his things- it left her seething. He was going to leave them- leave his troops- his people- people who gave so much in hopes to end the conflict quickly. Technoblade should have known others were missing important family events, yet here they stood, proudly serving under his name.

The blame is always shifted from the start

And it was all because She, called- begged, him to come home.

She couldn't linger about any longer, she needed to distract herself. So grabbing a cloak she left the base camp, although some of the men asked about where she was leaving too. Sarah simply wiped her eyes with pride and assured them of her return.

Leafless treetops in the snow

Views of death and bitter cold

The walk towards the nearby village was a bore. Due to the cold, barely any animals found home within the snow, anymore Sarah was starting to see the appeal of moving somewhere warmer.

Instead of visiting a bakery or a warm café, Sarah found herself wondering into a bar. Perusal, only the odd were within the warm walls. Brute men and sly women hogging up around the bar.

Without a step of hesitance she took her seat at the bar, the two brooding men beside her looked as if they should have scared her off. Yet when they tried to comment on Sarah's seat she simply sent a cold glare. Towards them, a wordless death threat of silence.

When the men backed off, they ultimately decided to move seats completely. In turn a younger gentleman took their seats.

Sarah didn't acknowledge him, something seemed off about it, yet she couldn't place her finger quite on it. The man took a glance to her, his fluffier Blonde hair radiating a familiar tone.

"You seemed troubled..." the man purred, sending Sarah into a eyeroll. Typical men. She thought, knowing exactly where this was leading.

"Don't think like that." The man said, his green eyes flashing slightly as a warning. "I'm only here to hear out a strangers problem... I'm hear to help." He mused.

Although Sarah was offset and held the high urge to not tell a thing to this man. Something told her it was worth it. She needed to get it off her chest.

So she did.

And through that, she felt her nerves lessen. With layer, and layer dropped about Technoblade, his wife, his family, everything. She felt a silver lining.

Something that should have stuck out to her however, was when she went on about Technoblade, the Man seemed to just know everything about him. Even things she didn't know- things that seemed future related. It was odd.

Yet here she found herself, drink in hand, explaining her problems to a lost man at a bar. Through the end of her rant, the only thing he had to say was "Men are hard, but im sure you've herd it before..." at the line she shrugged and looked to her glass.

The swirling bourbon within held her reflection, but something eerier about it, was when she glanced to the man inside the glass. The reflection, although looking exactly like the man beside her, when looking closer she saw halo's crossing over his face, Golden beams of bended light.

When she looked back to the man, he was looking at her unamused. "You know, there is a saying out there, that you may find, useful..." the man said.

You can take all you want, but not who I am

"What is the saying..." Sarah asked cautiously, now alarmed from the mans reflection. She watched the man take a drink before smiling- almost sinisterly.

"The Darker the Weather, the Better the Man" he said. Sarah gave a odd look to him, not understanding, but it didn't take long for the man to elaborate. "Say something hardens the man your talking about. Something that will truly drive him cold. He may turn out better than you expected. After all, weaklings rarely survive war." The man said casually.

The line rang around inside Sarah's mind, what could make techno so cold, that he refused to go home. The man watched her, trying his best to hide the wicked smile he held.

But the darker the weather, the better the man

And then it hit her. Almost like sheer brilliance, it hit her dead on.

You can take all you want, but not who I am

The letters to you.

You can't have my-

When Wilbur was tasked with waking you up, it was easy to say he was always overjoyed. With techno being absent from your side, Wil always tried his best to make you smile. Sometimes even Tommy would tag along.

Of course, Tommy didn't understand the severity of the moment how heartbroken and lost you felt, but he could easily tell you were sad at the least. So he also tried to cheer you up.

Sun shines through an open window

So on days he woke you, he would often run into Technoblade room, your silhouette laying within the oversized bed. He often viewed it as misplaced for how lonely your body looked.

But that didn't ever stop him from pulling the curtains open, the light rarely shined brightly through the glass, but in the end it did allow more light within. Well Wilbur pulled the curtains, tommy would often bounce on your bed, doing his best to make you smile.

Close the curtains real slow to hide the light

Although you would hide your face and try to hide, tommy wouldn't stop his smiling and joyful laugh. Yet Wilbur would always watch how your eyes would linger to techno's side of the bed. Wilbur hadn't seen the letters between you and techno, but he always saw how they tore you up. Whatever he was saying was hurting you, and Wilbur despised it.

But in time, maybe I can change it

At the least Wilbur was thankful you had Orion beside you, he was able to calm most of your haywire nerves. Of course, Wilbur never liked how close he was to you. But, he understood it was a time where you just needed someone.

We'll find someone who feels the same as me

Wilbur saw how you tried to hide your pain, your long nights spent crying, the days you refused to eat, the way you refused to acknowledge techno's lost presence. It was obvious who you were not on good terms.

Wilbur couldn't help his curiosity, he knew it was wrong, yet he did it anyway. When you had left your office for bed Wilbur snuck in, it was the first time he was in Technoblade office alone. The sword you made held high on the wall, truthfully it was poetic.

On a plaque underneath it, was lettering inscribed "the Empress" like the embodied empress, the sword similarly hung alone. With care he slid into your chair, slowly pulling the letters out to read.

You broke me down and stole my soul

And oh was his pissed. For good reason, he saw why everyone was so upset with him.

Left me vacant and all alone

Out of everyone, Orion was the one to see you at your worst. Never had he assumed he would have been so close to someone that he would have gave everything to take your pain away. It left his blood boiling to see you hurt the way you were.

Months of being alone, feeling lost, unloved, unwelcomed. It truly left him with a burning hate. Orion knew he could treat you so much better, that he could take care and provide for you and your infant child.

Over the time techno was gone, he felt he was the only commander to truly hate his leader. Hate what he puts others through, he hated the sorrow he brought along.

But the darker the weather, the better the man

But nothing compared to the pure rage Orion felt when he herd what techno did to you. When you all rested at Foolish's summer home, you didn't lay with techno right off the bat, instead you explained what happened between techno and you.

And Orion was livid.

Techno had put his hands on you- had put his hands on your throat. Orion felt every bone in his body scream to get even. No one raises a hand to those they love, it was just a unspoken law. Orion would have taken to Technoblade as well, only thing holding him back was your tender soft words.

"Please don't- please Orion... let it stay between us..." you begged to him. Soft doe eyes pleading to the Enderian.

You can take all you want, but not who I am

Although it gnawed at Orion’s heart, he respected your call and left it lie. But that didn't stop what fallowed.

With the Enderian's blood flowing strong with rage, emotion, and the urge to defend, he couldn't help the way his eyes slit with the dragons hue, the blood curdling purple that drove fear into those around him.

You were far down the hall, everyone was asleep, it was a perfect time to let everything go.

You can't have my

And go he did..

He had never felt it, even though his blood ran with the Enderian's, he had never felt his anger hit the point of breaking.

The point that others forewarned him about. The point where his jaw would dislocate and his skin would tear open to allow the canines of a monster to show.

It wasn't a side he thought he had.

You can't have my

Yet when the thought laced through his mind again. The thought of techno putting his hands on you, he felt the pop, and the blinding rage that fallowed. Throwing the nearest object as he let the curdling scream out.

You can't have my soul

When techno undressed for the night, he couldn't explain the shame and hurt that he felt. He couldn't meet his own gaze within the mirror. He knew you were willing to bathe with him again. Lay for the night and try and wish it to be what it once was.

But he knew he Hurt you. He knew it wasn't his direct doing, but he was involved- he took it too far.

He could still see the nail marks from where you grabbed his face, he hoped it wasn't the same for your neck.

He didn't deserve you.

He knew it. The way he lashed and you too willing asked him to bathe with you like it was over. You taking his hands, his face his body into your hands, you were truly too wonderful. To amazing for him.

But the darker the weather, the better the man

When you stepped into the bathroom he saw your tired eyes, your arms firmly around Thena. He saw how attached you were to her. She was your world, she was the world techno wanted to live with.

Techno knew he had no right to ask to hold her, not after what he had done to his tiny family. Yet he couldn't help but want to feel you and her in his arms. He wanted to redeem himself and show you he was worthy enough to protect you both.

You can take all you want, but not who I am

After all he was still your husband and her father in the end, it was his job, his one thing he cannot mess up. He knew others were on the line. Others more important than a endless battalion, you were his wife, his life, the mother of his daughter.

You were his world.

But the darker the weather, the better the man

So from that day, he swore. Dare anyone lay a hand on his wife, and daughter. He would raise hell upon them.

He would never loose you too like he almost did.

You can take all you want, but not who I am

[dancingazaleas]

𖨆. 04 / all for us

summary: a few weeks later, you’re finally allowed to leave your room. however, you notice something that you later wish you hadn’t.

note: i had the worst headache whilst editing, i apologize for mistakes.

taglist: @the-sun-baby @voltairelesecond @baelo80 @uniquepickle

warnings/notes: cursing, last chapter was the calm before the storm, brutal assault, abuse, manipulation, blood, slight mind break, drugging, use of alcohol

YOU were surprised whenever erwin and levi told you that you'd been good enough to venture the house a little more a few weeks later. you had been doing the same thing as before, sitting in your room and crying, hanging with the two men for two hours, and back to being lonely.

right now, you were stuck in your room. staring out of the window into the garden with dull eyes, silent tears running down your face.

you want to go home and sleep in zeke's arms. you want to tell pieck you love her and you didn't mean what you'd said to her. you wanted to play goofy songs on the piano with bertholdt. you wanted to lay in the sun with porco and reiner while they both commit to a workout routine.

you'd do anything to have that again. anything.

you wiped away your tears whenever you heard footsteps. the door opened to reveal levi followed by his bear of a boyfriend. erwin had on a gentle smile while levi looked the same; irritated.

"c'mon, you're playing for me today," levi grunts and your eyes light up at the opportunity.

you haven't played any instrument since you were taken. your hands missed their place on the objects, fingers delicately strumming the strings or pressing on the keys. they missed their home, just like yourself.

you're glad that they hadn't caught any signs of you crying. if they had, you would've had to stay in the room and talk it out with them.

you obediently follow behind them, nightgown swishing as you walk excitedly. you watch them unlock a door that leads to your quarters, and for the first time you're in the living room without crying.

the living room is big and clean, so much to where you wonder if it's even been touched. you turn your gaze to the left, eyes acknowledge the large, black front door. your eyes widened while the voice in your head screams at you.

'RUN!!!' it says, 'THIS IS YOUR ONLY CHANCE!!’

your eyes dart down to look at the doorknobs and it's locks. the door was left unlocked.

you gulp down the ball starting to form in your throat and try to ignore how you've started to sweat. you look back at levi and erwin, who are not paying any mind to what you do. they made the mistake of not holding your chain and not having one of them walk behind you.

before you can even really think, you're gliding across the room to the door. swinging the door open just as levi and erwin turn to scream at you, and you almost feel your stomach drop at the view before you.

it's a long stone walkway with a gate sitting at the end, almost teasingly. you run quickly, ignoring how the rough stone scrapes roughly against the soles of your feet. the window is rushing through your hair and slapping against your face, something you relish in temporarily.

your legs are starting to ache from how fast you're pumping them, trying to get to the gate as quick as you can. the wind has you tearing up once more, but you reach up and wipe away the small tears.

you ignore the sound of levi's footsteps as well as his and erwin's angry screams, you're so close, you're almost there.

your mind flashes to porco and reiner for a brief moment. you thank them in your head, now happy with how the two would make you race with them during their workout routines sometimes.

you're almost there, your fingers even graze against the black metal of the fence. but your breath is being knocked out of your body as you're tugged backwards.

your chain. your chain was the cause of your demise, it had been loosely swinging behind you and over your shoulder as you ran.

your head along with your back slam against the stone, loud screams of pain bursting through your mouth. you're sliding towards the person your chain is being tugged by, nightgown now tearing apart because of the friction.

levi is above you, eyes looking almost animalistic along with an angry face that stares at you as he huffs to get his breath back. you lay in the fetal position, crying out at the tip of levi's shoe kicks into your stomach. it has you barfing, but as soon as you finish levi's hands are grabbing you by the hair and dragging you back to the house.

but halfway down the pathway, he lets go and it makes you nervous. his foot comes into contact with your nose, blooding immediately gushing out of it. you sob out after he kicks you in the same spot once more, you think you hear a crack.

his foot kicks at your ribs now, taking all the breath out of your body while your eyes go blank. you can't think, even as levi's knuckles connect with your jaw. you spit out blood and cry at the scratch you get from levi's wedding band.

his hand is tangled with your hair, and instead of trying to pull away, he uses it as leverage. he squats onto a knee, eyes widened as he slams your face into the stone. you screech, nails clawing at the rough terrain and look to erwin.

"HELP!!! HELP, PLEASE," you gargle out blood mixed with your spit, reaching a shaking hand to him.

"HE'S GONNA KILL ME, PLEASE," you wail just as levi hits you again.

"that's enough levi," erwin says, now standing behind levi and staring over his shoulder.

you look absolutely damaged. blood, spit, and tears smeared across your face and scrapes all over your fragile body. levi slams your head down one last time, detangling his hand from your hair and storming off.

erwin only sighs and takes you in his arms, ignoring how your whole body trembles the moment he touches it.

"you're ignorant," he shakes his head, "i told you that levi would hurt you if you tried to run, and you didn't listen."

he's placing you onto your bed after he's walked back inside, eyebrows furrowed and nostrils flared from irritation. his palm smacks you across your face, and you sob from the pain.

"let me tell you something," he murmurs into your ear, "even if you'd gotten passed the gates, we would've found you."

you're panting and sobbing, wanting erwin to step away from you.

"that little collar of your's has a tracker," he whispers, "you'll never be able to get away."

those are the last words you hear before you black out.

————

you sit in the bathtub a few days later, listening to the gentle singing of erwin as he drenches you in warm water.

it burns against your skin, something you'd pointed out, but they ignore. you supposed it's an extension of your punishment.

when you get out of the bath, erwin tends to your wounds. he puts on a new bandage over the cut on your face from levi's wedding band, and new bandages onto your arms and torso.

later that night, erwin finds you curled in a ball into the corner of your dark closet. hands protectively shielding your head and covering your ears, shoulders quivering as tears run down your face.

"darling," he frowns, "you've got to stop coming in here."

you don't answer, which doesn't surprise him, and only pull your hands closer to yourself. he knows you won't willingly get up, so he brings the tray into the closet.

"i have to feed you, i need you to comply," you relax, hesitantly taking your arms away from your head and lowering your knees onto the floor.

he feeds you in silence, the only noise being the air conditioner coming off and on as he spends his time in there. he notices how you struggle to swallow down your food, probably from how levi's kicks damaged your ribs along with your stomach. before he can leave, he hears your hoarse voice asking for an answer.

"erwin...," you say, "how... how did you guys kidnap me?"

erwin sighs a bit, deciding to get himself comfortable as he begins the story.

————

it was a rainy night, raindrops froze against your skin as they pelted towards the ground. erwin and levi, your newfound friends, had invited you to go drinking with them a couple of weeks prior. you accepted with hesitance, but the hesitance was thrown out of the window whenever you and pieck had gotten in a fight earlier that evening.

you needed to get your mind off of the heated argument, pieck told you that you're a fuck up while you said that you hate her. you knew that you would regret this in the morning, but right now you're way too sad to even give a fuck.

when you enter the club, you find levi and erwin sitting and talking to one another at the bar. they both already have drinks and look as handsome as ever.

you sing out a greeting as you take the stool between them, ordering yourself a fruity drink.

"glad you could make it," erwin smiled to you, bringing his transparent drink to his lips.

"i promised i'd be here! besides, after the night i've had, i deserve to get drunk. what are you two even drinking," you smirked while looking to levi, bumping your shoulder against his.

he rolled his eyes your antics, while erwin spoke, "levi isn't really able to get drunk, but he's drinking whiskey. i'm drinking bourbon. what happened?"

you sighed, but it's cut off whenever the bartender puts your drink onto the counter in front of you.

"my best friend and i got into a fight, something about the house we share and something her cat did. she said i was a fuck up, i said i hated her. we'll be crying and apologizing by tomorrow," you fanned your hand and take a swig of your drink.

erwin opened his mouth to say something, but you interrupt him with a hoot as you slam the glass back to the counter.

"that's strong!" you laughed, barely noticing how quickly you downed it, "can i have another one?!"

"you shouldn't drink too much," erwin said while he pats your back.

you can't yell at him since levi asks a question before you could, "wanna have shots?"

"yes, please! what should be get," you grinned, the both of you ignoring the disapproving look from erwin.

"kamikaze shots," he smirks, "unless you can't handle it."

"are you fuckin' kidding?! let's go, right now," you're overly excited, slightly buzzed as you move around.

said shots were placed before you and levi. you picked it up and clinked glasses with him as you laugh, slamming it back down to the counter and downing it with a grimace. you shouted out in excitement once again, throwing your hands into the air.

"let's fuckin' go!!"

"let's not," erwin pulled your hands back into your lap, which you giggle at.

levi orders you another drink, you don't exactly hear what it is even whenever the bartender puts it down in front of you. your words are slurring as you laugh and chat with the two of them, eyelids heavy as you feel yourself getting more and more tired.

"hey, (name)," levi pushed his knee against your's, spinning the liquid in his cup around.

"wh... what's up," you grinned stupidly whilst laying your head against the counter.

"we like you, romantically," the statement had you sobering up, eyes shooting open and head shooting up.

"huh? what'd you say? i think i'm really drunk now."

"i said what i said," erwin's slightly panicking over your shoulder, "would you want to be with us?"

you squinted your eyes, temples suddenly throbbing with pain. you came out to have fun, not this.

"no," you sighed sadly, "i don't like you guys like that. plus, i'd feel intrusive."

levi gave a drawn out hum as he takes your drink from the bartender and putting it onto the coaster before you.

"it's okay, don't worry," levi shrugged, hand retreating back to his glass of whiskey.

you sighed in relief and break into a smile, once again drowning yourself in the fruity drink levi's given you. when you slam it back down, you cringe and your face is pulled into a grimace once more.

the drink tasted weird, nothing like the name implied. you try to wrack what alcohol exactly tastes the way this one does, salty. it tastes salty. and it's not like it's only alcohol in the drink, at least you think.

your eyes shoot wide as you come to the realization. this is a rape-date drink. and you've just downed the drink within seconds.

your mouth opened, but nothing but gibberish comes out. the last thing you see before your eyes droop is levi's small smirk with arms opened wide.

————

the story has you recoiling into a ball again, tears streaming out of your face while erwin tries to put a hand on your shoulder.

levi inflicted so much pain. physical and mental. he's the one who got you drunk, he's the one who drugged you, he's the one who slapped you day one, and he's the one who beat you. and erwin helped. erwin ordered.

"don't touch me, please," you whisper, backing yourself further and further into the corner of the closet.

"please, i want to comfort you," he frowns, once again reaching his hand out.

"NO!!" you cry and slap his hand, immediately retracting from fear.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i didn't mean to," you fumble with your words and curl inwards more, "please don't hurt me again, please. i don't want to hurt anymore."

erwin's heart aches as you start to tremble, noticing how hard you were digging your nails into your scalp.

"it's okay," he says calmly, "i won't hurt you."

you choke out your words, "but levi will. he'll hurt me again."

erwin stays silent, knowing full well that you were correct. erwin was barely able to smack you without feeling bad, he couldn't imagine kicking you in the ribs. erwin can feel a ball in the back of his throat, picking up the tray in silence and leaving you alone.

you cry as you lay on the floor now, fetal position. you're going to fall asleep soon, and you're okay with you. you feel slightly more protected in the closet on the floor than in your bed.

your eyes are fluttering close.

you hope that you won't get hurt again.

[wlw-lovestruck-fiction]

A FMC x Lavinia hurt/comfort fic, where Lavinia comforts FMC or the other way around. I feel really lonely currently.. I'm going through a tough time and I kind of crave some comfort :/ Thank you and sorry for bothering you. Take care :3

Written by @blue-is-the-coolest-color

It felt good to be in the camper again. Between fluffy blankets and surrounded by random books Lavinia has picked up from libraries or bookstores that have interested her. It’s a strange collection, fairy tales and fiction, a few vegetarian cookbooks scattered about the small kitchen area, a few books about animals or fauna. A collection to capture Lavinia’s curiosities of this world.

Speak of the devil. Annisa had to move her arm quickly as the taller woman shifted next to her until she managed to snuggle up close against her, wrapping her arms around Annisa and placing her head on her chest. Annisa rolled her eyes affectionately as she put down the book she had been flipping through in favor of running her hands through Lavinia’s hair.

“You’re very affectionate tonight,” Annisa pointed out, though she really couldn’t blame Lavinia for a bit of clinginess. It had been weeks since they had been able to have a moment alone, but she could tell the ordeal with Rapunzel had caused something short of frustration to play on Lavinia. The girl was distant since she arrived at the camper, deep in thought at moments with her brows furrowed together and lips tight. Annisa had played it off as exhaustion after everything, but now she was a bit more worried as she felt Lavinia cuddle as close as possible.

“Thinking.”

“Ever articulate.”

Annisa teased as she started rubbing circles into Lavinia’s shoulder blades. Soothing the tension that stuck there and causing a soft sound very reminiscent of a purr to leave Lavinia’s lips. The two stayed like that for a moment before Lavinia gently pushed away until she was on her elbows hovering closely. Annisa could see the confusion and frustration in the other woman’s eyes as she waited patiently to see if Lavinia would deflect or if she would say what had been haunting her for the last hour and a half.

“Ranpuzel has killed innocent witches. Simply for being witches, and she wanted to kill me regardless of what it would do to the people of my kingdom. She even threatened the witchling, and yet-” Lavinia’s eyes narrowed slightly in a brief glare as if the reasoning of it pissed her off, “and your friends are really going to let all that go? Even though she’s proud of those she’s slain.”

Annisa listened patiently, not commenting as she felt Lavinia’s arms tense and relaxed with the statements, as if Lavinia was trying to keep from letting the anger consume her more than it has.

“We are not unalike.”

Lavinia admitted reluctantly, as if the statement was acid in her throat.

“We both grew up in less than ideal situations, used or thrown away, isolated, forced to struggle for years. We crawled out of it in different ways, killed people, did horrible things in the name of our own selfish justice or reasoned it in whatever way. We both-”

Lavinia trailed off hard and Annisa had to fight the urge to brush the long silver hair out of her face as it slipped from her shoulders. There’s a pain in Lavinia’s voice, on that Annisa hadn’t heard too often from the other girl before.

“Gothel,” Lavinia tried to articulate what she wanted to say, but it’s choked and Annisa feels her heart break at the sound.

“Lavinia,” Annisa pushed herself up a bit as Lavinia hastily rubbed at her eyes and tried to go back to how she was laying.

“Forget it, it’s nothing.”

“It’s not,” Annisa argued as she let her hands move to Lavinia’s face, trying to get the woman to look at her, “it’s hurting you, so it’s not nothing.”

Lavinia looked away, a bit of shame crossing her face.

“I was once a student of Gothel. There was a time, back when I was young, that I wanted to be strong and feared like her. Because then maybe I could hold on to the things that mattered to me, then maybe-” Lavinia’s eyes darkened and she tried to turn her head as to no look into Annisa’s eyes, but Annisa still saw the tears the threatened to spill over, “I was orphaned when I was very young, I couldn’t use magic, I was alone. Gothel had this power and I wanted her to teach me. She didn’t at first, but decided I was amusing and worth playing with. She’d send me on these ridiculous errands and I’d do an insane amount of magical research to try and convince her I was worth her time.

Then my magic appeared, my ice alignment made itself known and suddenly I was the only student Mother Gothel wanted to teach. She taught me spells she wouldn’t utter to the other witches in her coven. It felt like she had taken me under her wing. I would have done anything for her.”

Annisa listened quietly, horrified by the raw pain that had claimed Lavinia’s throat. She had known Rapunzel was a victim of Gothel, but hearing that Lavinia had also been a target caused her heart to ache for the woman in her arms.

“She told me about how she planned to kill the ice king and needed my help. I was important to this mission and she needed me to follow her orders to the T. I was so excited to help her, to make a real difference and to take down the Tyrant who abused his power and caused the mass slaughter of so many magical beings in the ice kingdom. The king liked to set up his own witch hunts where he’d release a witch he had captured into his private woods to hunt down and kill. Our plan was for me to get captured and to wait for Gothel who would come and stage a breakout. During the panic she would kill the king while I distracted all his guards with a permafrost spell I had read about in a book.

So I did my part, I let the king catch me and I lived in the dungeon underneath the castle. I waited for Gothel to appear. I waited weeks, starving in a dark wet cell. I was so hungry, I hadn’t felt hunger that strong since arriving at the orphanage. Eventually it was my turn to be hunted, and when they let me into those woods I decided I would kill the king myself. So I used an old spell Gothel had me test a while ago and I slaughtered almost all of the king’s men in the forest. And then I killed him and sat on the throne covered in blood and announced that the king had fallen.”

“Gothel had left, abandoned me there, then had the nerve to show up two weeks after my coronation and demand I give her magic in exchange for teaching me. We fought and I threw up the magical barrier around my kingdom using one of her spells for spite.”

“I guess that explains how you don’t age.” Annisa interrupted and then almost hit herself for such a sudden outburst, but Lavinia nodded.

“I don’t age because it’s the same spell Gothel uses to steal magic, only my people can refuse to give me their magic, they offer up their magic to keep the barriers around the kingdom, so I guess in a way I’m not giving them much of a choice.”

Lavinia sighed, balancing herself on one arm for a moment to run a hand through her hair.

“I let all my pain get the better of me, and I hurt more people because I was too afraid of losing my newfound power. I wanted to keep everything out, because that’s how everything could stay safe,” Lavinia shook her head, “I sound like a maniac.”

“Lavinia, it doesn’t matter what you did before, all that matters to me is that you’re trying to do better now,” Annisa flashed the other girl a soft smile, “what Gothel did to you was horrible, and you shouldn’t have had to suffer to feel like you weren’t alone.”

“But I always am, somehow.”

It’s so quiet and heartbreaking to hear Lavinia’s voice like this. Annisa’s smile dropped as she tried to process the hurt, pain, and anger flashing through Lavinia’s icy eyes.

“To have a chance like Rapunzel has been given. To actually be allowed to keep writing my story without having to hurt you more to do so. I’d have to bend over backwards to be given a quarter the chance at redemption that she’s been allowed after everything. Why? Because her story deemed her a hero despite her murders and crimes?”

Maybe weeks ago Annisa would have said something to defend Rapunzel, defend why she should be given chance after chance where Lavinia shouldn’t. Lavinia dropped her head back to her shoulder in frustration.

“...You’re mad because they won’t give you that chance,” Annisa commented as she wrapped her arms around Lavinia’s shoulders, keeping her in place when she felt her start to shift, “I didn’t think you cared so much about what they thought about you.”

“I don’t,” Lavinia grumbled into her shoulder, “but I know it would be easier for you if they trusted me to keep you safe at least. Then maybe you wouldn’t have to sneak around to see me.”

Annisa held the woman tighter, placing a firm kiss to her head as she felt her relax into her arms.

“They’re not all against you. Arin wants to give you a chance, and I could convince Oliver to as well. And you have me.”

“As long as I have you.”

Of course the melting queen would sneak in some sweet nothings while they layed there, Annisa couldn’t say she was surprised by the familiar affection in Lavinia’s voice.

“So you're using me as a pillow here all night? I’m supposed to be home.”

Lavinia smirked, wrapping her arms tighter.

“Stay, please?”

“Oh my,” Annisa pretended to swoon, batting her eyelashes, “did her majesty just say please? To little old me. What a blessing that has bestowed upon my unworthy ears!”

“Brat,” Lavinia laughed, a beautiful light sound that Annisa would kill to hear, “you’re not allowed to leave now, punishment for mouthing off to a queen.”

“You love when I mouth off to you.”

“Maybe.”

The smirk caused Annisa to blush, suggesting a far dirtier joke that Lavinia had opted out of saying.

“I wish I could stay here,” Annisa sighed as she looked up at the ceiling of the cabin, the little snowflake fairy lights making her smile, sinking her fingers into unbelievable soft silver hair as she felt Lavinia tilt to head, eyelashes brushing against Annisa’s neck in soft butterfly kisses, “I love being this close to you.”

Lavinia hummed her agreement as Annisa’s fingers scratched at her scalp and wandered through her hair.

“It’s certainly a treat, watching the Ice Queen melt just for me.”

“You’re the only person worth melting for.”

Annisa hated how her mind immediately flashed to a certain snowman character from a Disney movie. She couldn’t control the way the giggles shook her form. Lavinia propped herself up on her arm, trying to look bored but the soft look in her eyes betrayed her horribly as she watched Annisa laugh at a joke she didn’t understand.

“Remind me that I need you to watch a movie with me.”

Lavinia hummed and let her fingertips trace patterns into Annisa’s arm before bringing her hand up to her lips, pressing a soft kiss that caused Annisa to blush.

“Do you really have to leave now?”

“I guess I can spare five minutes.”

Five turned to an hour, but it wasn’t like Annisa was complaining.