#I need my bfs fist inside me so bad I’m going insane

[mango-nectars]

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[iwillgiveyoumyhappiness]

임영민, Lim Youngmin

anonymous asked:

hi can I request an ex bf!youngmin au where the reader and youngmin both still like each other ,, a bit of angst but ends with fluff? 🥺 thanK you

Group: AB6IX

Member: Youngmin

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“Wow,” she breathed. “This is unexpected.” 

The last thing she imagined happening to her that evening was ramming her shopping cart into someone else’s while she went on a late-night grocery stop. Even less predictable was that fact that it was Lim Youngmin’s cart she’d bumped into.

Why him, of all people? 

Youngmin stared at her, mouth hanging open, not really knowing what to say. Finally, he got a hold of himself, realizing he probably looked pretty insane to any passerby. “Yeah,” he stuttered. “Unexpected.” He let out an awkward laugh. “That’s definitely a word for it.” 

She nodded slowly, tearing her gaze away from him. She stared down the aisles, at the floor, up at the ceiling, at some bags of chips—it didn’t really matter what it was. As long as it wasn’t him. 

“Well...” she said, clearing her throat, pulling her cart over from the small collision. “I’ll get going, then.”

He stopped her cart with his own. “Wait!” he said. “Wait up, please.” 

She looked at him hesitantly. “Why?” she asked. 

“Maybe we could...” He shuffled around uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his neck. “Maybe we could shop together?” he suggested. 

She scoffed a little, mostly out of disbelief. “Once again, why?”

“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug, “it just seemed like a good idea at the time. I mean, when are we gonna have this opportunity again?” 

She sighed, gripping the handle of her cart a little tighter. “Youngmin,” she started, “I don’t know if that’d a good—”

“It’s not for me,” he interrupted, as if reading her mind. “I mean, not like I’m not curious how you’re doing—I totally am—but it’s the guys that are pining for you.” He chuckled. “They ask about you all the time.”

She gave a small smile, some of her nervousness dissipating. “Do they?” she asked. 

He nodded. “Absolutely.” He tilted his head. “Why don’t you keep in touch with them?” 

She shrugged, nibbling her bottom lip. “It hurts,” she said quietly. 

“What was that?” he asked.

She shook her head. “Nothing,” she said, half glad that he didn’t hear, half disappointed. “I said that I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. I really should, though. I miss them.” 

He tapped his fingers against his handle, looking deep in thought. “And me?” he finally asked. “Why haven’t you gotten into touch with me?” 

She frowned. A silence fell over them. “Do you really need to ask that?” she said. She decided to leave it be. She started walking away, rolling her cart in front of her.

Youngmin eyed her as she went.

“Are you coming or not?” she asked. 

His eyes widened. “Wait—shopping’s a go?” he said. 

She held back a laugh. He was just as dorky as ever. “Yes, shopping’s a go,” she replied. Like a puppy, he fell into step right beside her, fighting back a bright smile. Part of it made her feel happy and comfortable, but another part of her felt suffocated, anxious and fake. 

This wasn’t they way they were with each other anymore. 

She had to admit, though... It wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be. She thought that the venture would be fraught with awkwardness and a loss of words, but it was the opposite, really. 

After getting over the initial hump of ‘Oh, I’m standing next to my ex and grocery shopping at 11:34 at night’, it was actually pretty fun. The conversation made was simple and pleasant. It almost made her angry how easily they fell back into old habits. 

Finishing each other’s sentences, quoting inside jokes, laughing about absolutely dumb things—in was all so natural in his presence. He even reached up and got something from a high shelf for her after her he noticed her struggle to grab it. 

Youngmin chuckled. “Why didn’t you just ask for help?” he wondered aloud.

“Because,” she said, assuming the answer was obvious. She shrugged. “I thought it’d be weird. I mean, it’s not your job.” 

He frowned a little. “I don’t mind, though,” he said. 

She smiled  a little. “And I thank you for that,” she started, “but still. It’d be a little weird for me. That’s all.” 

He nodded slowly, but she could see some disappointment behind his eyes. “Yeah, okay,” he said. “I get it.” 

She felt a pang in her chest, but she chose to ignore it.

There were more little instances like that throughout the night. Moments when he would be just a little too helpful, a little too touchy or a little too smiley to make it seem like they weren’t dating. 

It’s not that she hated his company—in fact, it was quite the opposite. She had been craving his company, and that’s what annoyed her so much. She’d been trying so hard to move on. She was trying so hard to get to a point of emotionally stability where they could be friends again.

She wanted to be able to talk to everyone again. She wanted to be able to hang out with them, have fun together, chill on the sofa for movie nights and sleepovers, and hug them without a heavy heart. 

She wanted to forgive herself and she wanted to forgive him. 

What annoyed her was that fact that it felt like he was putting no effort towards moving on. It was like he was stuck on repeat, remembering the same things they did together as a couple.

Unknowingly, he was making it so, so hard to stay strong. All she wanted was to be normal around him. Not to hold anger, longing or resentment. She just wanted to be friends again.  

“Babe, check this out!” Youngmin said, picking up a particularly comedic birthday card. They both froze. He whipped around, almond eyes opened wide. “Listen, that was a mistake. I didn’t mean—”

It was the last straw for her. 

She abandoned her cart, stomping off toward the back of the store. She resolved to hide out in the bathroom until she calmed down. She felt too much right now. Too much desire to be with him again. 

They had decided that the breakup was for the best, so why? 

Why was he being so difficult and contrary? 

She felt a pressure on her wrist. He had grabbed her. “Where are you going?” he asked, the worry in his voice evident. 

She tried tugging away from him, but he kept a firm grip. “Away,” she said, trying to keep her voice level so as to not draw attention from the other shoppers. “I just need to breathe.” 

He stepped a little closer to her, dragging his hand down to hold hers gently. “Breathe here,” he whispered. His hand slipped out of hers. He put them in his pockets, but he didn’t move away. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I crossed a line. I shouldn’t have called you the nickname, I admit that.” 

She clenched her fists, not facing him. “It’s not just the nickname, Youngmin,” she said. “You’ve been pulling all sorts of lovey-dovey crap all night.”

“And does that bother you?” he asked. 

She spun around, shocking him a little. “Yes!” she said. “Yes, it bothers me!” She quieted her voice again. “It bothers me a lot.” 

He was staying surprisingly calm. “And why is that?” he asked. “And be honest.” 

She felt tears well up in her eyes, but she shoved them back down, refusing to cry in the middle of the grocery store. “Because I didn’t hate it,” she whispered. “I feel guilty about that...” She looked down at her feet.

There was a beat or two of silence. 

“Why don’t we get back together, then?” Youngmin suggested. 

Her head snapped up. “What?” she asked. “What’re you talking about?” 

He sighed. “Listen...” he started. “I didn’t hate it either. That’s what I kept doing it. Plus, the guys miss you so much. They talk about you all the time! And...” He gave that signature awkward smile. “I miss you, too.” 

She imagined it for a moment... What would it be like, being back with him? Would it fall apart, just like the first time, or would it be something magical? The saying has always been, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder”.

She tried to shake her mind free of any fanciful thoughts. “Still, that doesn’t mean we should just pick up where we left off,” she said. “That’d be—”

“Foolish?” he said, playfully finishing her sentence. He nodded. “Yeah, I agree. That’s why I think we should just start over.” She raised a questioning eyebrow. He stuck out his hand. “Hi,” he said, smiling brightly. “I’m Lim Youngmin. What’s your name?” 

Ah. That’s what he meant. He always was a dork.

But he was a dork that you didn’t mind shaking the hand of.

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Soooooo, yeah. I’m in love. What’s up with that??

Also, WHY’RE Y’ALL SO INTO EX-BOYFRIEND!YOUNGMIN? Like- I love it, but it’s not something I would’ve predicted. I’m glad people enjoy reading it, though. ^-^ Thanks for the request, Anon! I had a lot of fun with this one.

Feel free to stop by again!

[fluffyomorashi]

I dooo I rarely pee in public places... I get to embarrassed of the sound of me going or just letting anyone know that I gotta pee >\\<... ahh I’m so sorry it wasn’t suppose to be so damn long lol!

One day I went to a short concert my friends bf was doing at the time, it was around 40-50 min drive to the place so before I peed about 100 times lol. The plan was we would watch and hangout some then go back to my friends house.. well right before we were leaving an new friend shows up inviting us to a bar/Drag show.

So new plan is we gonna go to that for a while maybe drink some and then leave.... well you know how life goes lol, a few drinks turned into about 12 and we were all wasteddddd (except for the Designated driver of course!!! Party safe always my friends!).

It’s fuzzy but at one point I do remember my friend asking me to come with her to the bathroom, and feeling more confident and outgoing-(thank you alcohol lol)- my bladder shyness was gone and I decided to also go! Of course the line was long so taking a min but when we got close to the few stalls I was intercepted by a drunk girl gushing compliments at me.. and me also being a wasted girl yelled back compliments and we talked about her personal life and more (drunk girls are the best they just happy lol)

Suddenly my friend comes out of the bathroom (I didn’t even see her enter) and is trying to drag me back to the others. Drunk me forgot about the bathroom went back to the party lol. Distracted by everything, dancing and talking, I had no insane urge to pee!

Finally we are in the car all laughing and talking but we are finally winding down and relaxing.. with no more distractions just sitting there I started realizing I might not be as ok as I thought >\\< lol.

We keep driving and I’m just kinda shifting around worriedly glancing. my confidence, lowered back again, so felt tooembarrassing to ask for a bathroom stop. Sooo I waited, all I could think of was me needing to pee stuck in a car full of people.. usual I’m collected in a situation like this on the outside, thinking just to breath and don’t think about it to much and stay calm..but mind full of liquor I kept changing positions, shifting and pulling the seat belt off my bladder, thinking “fuck fuck man should I ask? Can I actually wet in this person car?? Would that actually happen?? I can’t wet here omg.. I’m gonna fucking wet here ahhh” over thinking about it made it feel worse.

Fast forward 40 mins of pouty uncomfortable desperation, a few sneaky crotch squeezes, and one friend dropped off later I asked my friend if we were headed to her house next, she said yes and I silently sat back and waited until we arrived.

We all climb out the car and I remember being pissed on how slow and nonchalant they were ((how dare they not know I’m about to create a new ocean if they didn’t speed up!!!!)).

If it was just my friend and her bf I would of been more comfortable to at least hint how bad I had to pee.. but there other friend I didn’t know so just slowly got up..

at the time she lived her parents still andher parents didn’t like alcohol so we had to be silent and sneak in...everyone was goofing off in the drive way while I kinda stiffly stood half laughing half glaring at the door.

They keep talking and my friends bf pulled out cigs to smoke, I watched them for a sec debating what to do... my body was so still and tense I was afraid if someone just tapped me I would slip up and pee myself in front of them Q//n//Q

Suddenly I got a big urge, I tried to silently control it and squeeze my legs together buttt it seemed to just get more and more intense!! I shifted my weight on each foot, Clenched fist, and probably in a weird voice quickly asked my friend if I could have they keys so I could go inside to charge my phone and text my mom we made it back ok. (Lol I still couldn’t admit it)

Understanding strict mom life she says “oh gosh sorry I forgot! Here!” And drunkly asks her bf where the keys and he drunkly said he didn’t know and they both messily looked for them... I’m dying lol

I try to speed it up and ran to the other side of the car searching around, my body could sense I was slightly shielded away from everyone else so bumped up the desperationnnnnn >\\\<. I openly grabbed myself and did a few frustrating nervous stomps and half crouch wiggles as it kept building.. I was gonna either wet or leak very very soon.. I apparently let out some upset noise cause my friend stopped looking and asked what’s wrong.

I quickly moved my hand before she saw the desperate clutch I had and smiled saying “nothing I just slammed my hand into something!” For once I was thankful my bladder was so shy cause my friend talking and looking at me helped me ground myself just enough! the intense urge was lowered for the moment just as her bf found the keys in her purse!

I whip around the car taking them, telling them I’d meet them inside. (Ironically as im leaving her bf bursts out how badly he needed to piss and just went like 8 feet to the side and peed.. men are lucky..)

Now I wanna say I love my friend so so much.. but she’s a lil spacey/forgetful at times, drunk her is EXTRA spacey/forgetful... I run to unlock front door, my legs glued together tightly, andddd it won’t work.. I struggle then angrily turn to shout, then remember it’s like 1am, so held my breath and walked as normal as I could back to my friend saying I couldn’t open it.. she goes “oh well yeah that’s the wrong door! That keys for the garage door!!” I nod and turn..halfway there when she run up to me telling me she remembered that her parents told her to come in the back door that they would leave it unlocked.... lmao...

I think I was starting to tremble from the effort of keeping my cool and my pants dry! I visibly half crossed my legs together blurting out a fast slightly annoyed “ahh-okkkk-god I really really have to pee” and took off around the house as my friend obliviously apologizes and goes back to the group..

I make it pass the fence to the back yard and on the way I’m awkwardly holding myself with one hand the other trying to push pass her dogs that were trying to greet me. I make it to the door and swing it open and jump inside! I doing my stompy potty dance again as I turn and painfully, slowly, try to shut the door as quietly as I could.

It felt my bladder urge coming back but this time way faster and felt like my bladder was getting warmer and fuller with every millasecond!!! “Oh my god I can’t- I gotta pee-“ I whisper as I quickly threw off my shoes, getting way more antsy, huffing as the urge reached the last step...

Both hands holding back a flood, I sprinted on my tippy toes to the back of the house where the bathroom was.

I bust in and again had to slow down a little to shut the door carefully, I noticed my hand seemed kinda wet as I shut the door (even though I hadn’t felt a leak yet??) but I must have, I glanced down seeing tiny drips between my shoes on her floor, with only one hand between my legs I felt the leak continue dripping off my hand.

Door shut, leaking hard and fast, I leaped to the toilet, ripped off my slightly dripping leggings and mostly soaked undies, and peed.

Lolol ahh I was forcefully peeing before I was even sitting down >\\<.. I just collapsed and over dramatically sighed closing my eyes and sagged as I let out the loudest fastest desperate pee of my life >\\\\\\<“

I kept going and going and goingggg, when my stream started to slow down I finally opened my eyes to asses the situation... where I had been holding myself was a perfect obvious dark stop on my black leggings and a few wet streaks.. still peeing I glanced at the floor next and saw small drips/splashes here and there. I gathered up some toilet paper and cleaned up the few wet spots I could reach and dabbed at wet undies...while still peeing (lol I swear it was almost never ending I was filled to the brim >\\>).

My normal stream lowered to a small trickle and finally was done... I felt hazy and weak from the hold and release but snapped out of it remembering my friend would be coming in very soon Q//Q I got up, cringing as I had to slip back on my wet now cold clothes, and opened the bathroom door.

Cost cleared I ran to my friends room and grabbed my sleep over bag taking out pjs. (No extra undies tho so had to go commando) I changed stuffing my wet stuff deep in my bag and ran back to the bathroom whipping up the small leaky mess. I was just walking through the hall to the back door checking if I had accidentally peed through there house >\\\< when they finally walked in.

We whispered and my friend stopped to get some water to take to the room, the whole time I’m just secretly glanced at the floor but I didn’t see any wet spots!

[hellotvv]

More Life

More Life. It’s been a while since I recap, and idk how much detail I will go in when writing this. Since, I’m kinda lazy, but I do wanna recap everything as well.

Friday, my first day back home for Spring Break! On Thursday, it was my last day of finals. But I wasn’t too stressed on Thursday tho, since it was an easy Greek Myth final. I could have went home on Thursday, but idk I was kinda sleep deprived after studying so hard for Wednesday final. I also wanted one last day to hang out with my friends, and I recall having a nice dinner with Brent, Brooke, and Elizabeth! Oh also playing some Sm4sh with Brent, since he finished with his finals on Thursday too. I actually saw Kai for the first time in like 2 months that day too LOL, since she had a Greek Myth final with me. I actually haven’t seen her in a long time, since she pretty much just stays at her bf’s place. But anyways, on Friday morning, I woke up early and packed for spring break! I was on my way home and texted Fyona that I was on my way home. She told me that she had a shoot around 3ish at Huntington Beach Pier, and asked me to come along. I asked who it was, and she linked me her instagram. I was like ehh sure why not, nothing better to do. So I picked up Fyona once I arrived in the OC area, she treated me to Raising Canes (which was really sweet), and then we went to Ikea for a quick ice cream run lol. Then we met up with Ali (model) at Huntington Beach Pier, and we shot. She was Laos, which is pretty rare uh ethnicity. I have a cousin that is half Laos and half Vietnamese haha, and him + his Laos mom + sister are really tan. So I was surprised Ali was so light skinned. Anyways, she goes to UCI and was fairly talkative/nice to work with! She was friendly and I’d work with her again in the future given the chance. I think I ended up dropping Fyona home after the shoot, and I’m not quite sure what I did Friday night tbh... Friday was a while back and became kinda a blur ;-;.. This is what I get for not posting about my recaps earlier.

Saturday was a pretty fun day. Since it was BEYOND!! I woke up and hung out with Catherine, if I recalled correctly. Haven’t seen her in a while, so we grabbed lunch together. I don’t remember what we got for lunch :I ugh, I legit can’t remember ;-; I feel bad when my memory lets me down. But yeah, I recall having a good time catching up with her, and I believed I said hi to her grandma when picking her up. Catherine told me her family misses me lolol, and I think it’s cute! Idk ;-; I think I’m not too bad with parents, but apparently Stefanie’s parents didn’t like me that much, and my first gf (well technically Kristy is first real gf, but 6th grade ‘gf’ Jennifer)’s parents didn’t like me and thought I was very spoiled boy since picky eater. So idk, I really I guess appreciate it being liked by parents :D I remember Kristy’s parents (her mom especially) liked me ;-;!! OH wait, checked google maps history and remember now LOL. We went to yard house, since she wanted to go there, and went to the Irvine Spectrum one. It was nice, we walked around, and yeah! Then after dropping her off, I grabbed the stuff that I packed for beyond, and headed to Redlands! I remember The Heirs kdrama shot at University of Redlands for Lee Min Ho’s campus haha. I arrived to the Airbnb at like 4:30 PMish, and it was pretty cute! It had enough beds + softbed for everyone (all 8 of us). Chloe was already there and Arthur. Kris (Rebecca’s bf and Arthur’s hs friend) arrived a bit after, then Bryan came, then Amanda(Rebecca’s HS friend), then Rebecca and Amy arrived. Originally group was just Rebecca, Amy, Chloe, Bryan, and me, but grew to include Kris, Arthur, and Amanda. Amanda, Kris, and Arthur seemed pretty nice and talked to them a bit. Then the boys pregamed while the girls were getting ready... They ended up taking over 2 HOURS to get ready holy jesus. Bryan and I were getting pretty tilted, since Beyond starts at 5, and some of the good acts were at like 6:45, but it’s like 7ish and they were still doing makeup... ._. Bryan and I were even considering just calling an uber by ourselves and get there asap first. But yeah, the girls finished, and we all pregamed a bit. I only took 3 shots, since Bryan and I were gonna roll O_O... I was gonna roll for my first time, and it feels like idk I’m a bad boy now :( but I’m a good sweet boy deep down maybe, I don’t smoke, rarely drink, and yeah... Idk how I got convinced, but Bryan was very convincing. He didn’t drink too much either, since we were gonna roll. We were gonna split half a pill each :O Anyways, ended up calling the uber and finally arrived around like 8ish lol... But got inside fairly quickly, Bryan and I bought water and split the pill to take it. Then we all as a big 8 person group went inside Queen’s Domain and listened to Ookay. Chloe was dancing with Arthur, Rebecca was dancing with Kris. While Amanda, Amy, Bryan, and I were just dancing to the music. Bryan and I slowly tried to shift away to uhh dance with scandalously dressed broads, but Chloe sees us kinda far away and drags us back to the group LOL and goes, ‘omg u guys are so far!’ T_T she did this 3x more LOL... Eventually they took a break to go to the rest room, and Bryan and I ditched. We had a good time dancing on our own, talked/interacted with strangers that were rolling too, and eventually the pill hit me like 45-1 hour later. Which is PRETTY late O_O apparently, since it generally hits ppl 30 mins in. I guess the way I could describe it is, you’re essentially sober tbh. It’s even hard to tell maybe. Like you’re not drunk or feel drunk, you have perfect hand-eye coordination, your not hallucinating or anything, you’re just happy? Like idk it’s like similar to being hyper or happy while being drunk, but yeah you’re just happy and can appreciate the shitty music (if shitty music is playing) and willing to dance to it. My feet NEVER got sore tho :O like normally I get tired and have to sit down occasionally. But idk I guess either the pill or adrenaline or idk, but my feet never got tired and I pretty much could go without ever taking a break! Crazy~ Ended up meeting some dude from SLO actually. Some Asian guy lost his group of friends, and we helped him find his group of friends. Then we dance with his group of friends, and they were nice and from SLO, and the dude lived in Rowland Heights and surprisingly knew my friend Harrison Tan! Kinda cool befriending random strangers even if it’s just for the night. I was supposed to meet up with my model friend Cindy or my HS friend Dana, but the phone reception was so bad lol... Dana’s text on where to meet up legit arrived THE NEXT DAY... Omg... I just thought she was too busy to reply lol~ Then Bryan and I met up with his group of HS friends that were there, and danced/hung out with them. Nice guys/girls! :) Stuck with them until the end of the night where Snails closed around 2 AM. Then Bryan and I met up with our group haha finally at the end of the rave. Turns out Rebecca and Chloe ended up rolling for the first time too, I think they got convinced by the guys. Uhm, then took forever to get an uber, since everyone was calling one -.- and the rates were insane legit $50 surge, when the price is originally $12. Got back to the airbnb around 4, and I knocked out in the bed. 

Sunday, I slept alright and ended up waking up almost first amongst everyone at like 9:30 AM. Got changed and got ready to go, once everyone was up and ready, since check out was at 12. Bryan and I decided to get lunch together before we split off. Since he needed to head to thousand oaks, and I need to head back to the oc area. We got a nice lunch together, talked about how we both had a good time at Beyond, and wished each other a nice spring break! So I drove home and got back around 2ish I believe. I showered and changed, then chilled for a bit. I had plans to hang out with Catherine again after she finishes work at 3:30 PM. So I stopped to harass her at Icey Cream Roll (dumb name lol) which is a new ice cream place in the plaza next to my house. Came by to visit her and snapchat harass her, and she made me free ice cream ;-; and gave it to me so sweet. She didn’t eat lunch and wanted olive garden lol, so I took her there. I ate again T_T sigh two lunches omg... Since idk this is how I gain back weight I GUESS, but I didn’t want to make it awkward if she just eats lol. But yeah, ate again at Olive Garden, and when we were paying she tried to take out her card. But she couldn’t find it, so she wondered if she forgot it while paying at Yard House the other day with me, since she didn’t use her card since then. She calls yard house, but they said they haven’t seen it but will call back if they do. We drive to her house, I saw her grandma and mom, and said hi and they asked me idk smalltalk questions like oh am I home for spring break/etc, and yeah! She ended up finding her credit card in her bag at home, and she was very relieved. Then we headed out to Huntington Beach Pier to shoot, since she wanted to shoot with me. I obliged, since idk and we shot for fun, then she stopped by forever 21 to buy some clothes. She found clothes she liked and went to buy it, but she was like O_O where’s my wallet, and checked her pockets. So she assumed she left it in my car, and I was like oh my this catherine. I was a nice guy and just used my debit card and took the $70 transaction on my card ;-;. Then the wallet was not in my car at all lol... So we drove back to her house, and it turns out she left wallet at her house lol... Then I just chilled at her place, we watched Iron Fist first episode together, and her mom offered me dinner but I was way too full after the two lunches... After the first Iron Fist episode, it was getting late like 8-9ish idr, so went home chilled and passed out! I had plans to hang out with Hope the next day and Catherine told me to have fun~ 

Then Monday, was a day where I hung out with Hope!! I haven’t seen Hope in a long time and it was cool to finally hang with her. She wanted to shoot together in the morning, since she had a b-day party or something later in the day :( so I had to wake up early... T_T So we got chick-fil-a together since she suggested it and she actually treated me :D I was like waow friend so nice!! What did I do to deserve this LOL. Fyona asked me what I was doing today, and I told her I was shooting with Hope, and she wanted to come along. Fyona and Hope shot together before, and they’re kinda friends probably haha. I asked Hope if it was okay, and Hope was down since she likes Fyona and the more the merrier. So we picked up Fyona, since she lives near chick-fil-a too, and then headed to Newport Beach’ beach. I haven’t been to this beach in a pretty long time tbh, I mostly go to Huntington Beach pier or something. But I remember it was a fairly nice beach and I was right. I drove all of us, parked, and we tried to shoot around. It was really sunny, since we’re freaking shooting at like noonish or 1 PM if I recall correctly! So had to shoot in the shade, but I think photos came out okie :) despite the sun. Idk, I swear I always end up shooting at like non-golden hour times lolol.. When I ideally only want to shoot at golden hour ;-; I guess shooting at like 6 PM (since sunset 7:11 PM or something nowadays) isn’t convenient for most ppl :P Fyona didn’t model or anything as well, she kinda just tagged along and talked to Hope/me and it was fun. Since Fyona is really talkative and yeah~ We stopped by a boba place nearby for a break and I got a drink there, and the Thai Tea was actually super good surprisingly o.o... I pretty much only get Thai Tea or regular milk tea or iced/snow milk tea from places (sometimes Taro too I guess rarely tho), and the Thai Tea was pretty good! Was much surprised :O I generally expect idk not much from places that I don’t hear too much about haha. Anyways, after shooting together and talking, I drove back to my house, and Hope headed out afterwards to her friend’s b-day party. Fyona was still chilling and didn’t really have plans, but I actually had plans! I had plans with Jennifer (goes by Peach nowadays lol), who is an old HS friend and actually my good friend Kristy’s ex. I know I shouldn’t be friends with her, since Peach kinda wronged Kristy one of my close friends :( but idk... Peach has been really nice to me kinda like always, and idk... I guess it’s like yeah, I wasn’t dating Peach so technically she never did anything that should make me stop being friends with her. But I’m way closer with Kristy and she did wronged my friend by cheating on her. Idk, weird situation uhh idk Kristy happy nowadays with Jessica for over a year now, and they broke up maybe 2 almost 3 years ago. So maybe it’s okay? Idk. Haven’t really thought too much about whether it’s right to be friends with Peach or not, since maybe I should be taking a side or maybe I shouldn’t or maybe morally I shouldn’t be friends with someone who INCREDIBLY wronged my close friend even if I was never told to pick a side? SOOOO enough of that. Peach goes to UCSC nowadays and was actually in the oc area with two of her UCSC friends (one is her future bf - currently seeing him & other is her best friend at UCSC) and the 3rd person she’s with is her UCSC best friend sister. I think the names are Eric for future bf, Jen for her best friend, & Kathy for Jen’s sister. Fyona came along, since she had no other plans, and Peach said okie! We met up with them all at south coast plaza, Jen and her sister Kathy went to go shopping around south coast. Eric, Jen, and Kathy are all from NorCal and it’s basically a cool vaca for them in the oc area haha, so shopping understandable. Eric, Peach, Fyona, and I all split off from them for a bit to idk talk and hang out. We sat at some paris restaurant not to eat, but for fyona to eat. Then I talked to Eric and we REALLY hit it off. He saw me spinning the fork like idk casually, and was like wtf do u know pen spinning. I was like yeah, I learned it a long time ago haha, then we talked about modded pens, tricks we knew, and yeah. He’s into photography, so I started idk teaching him a lot about photography, we talked about hobbies, and games. He thinks I’m super cool, since idk I have a lot of ‘cool’ hobbies apparently, and Peach hypes me up to the whole group apparently :O I was like woah, I didn’t know Peach found me so cool, and she told them I’m pretty talkative lol, which is fairly true if I don’t see ppl in a while or still at the small talk level. Since I have a bunch of interests to potentially share with ppl. So Eric and I talked about raves, school, how he met peach, music, games, lots about photography, a bit on pen spinning, how I got into fashion/fragrances (cologne)/photography, and yeah. Then Fyona split off, since she got picked up by one of her friends to hang out. Eric, Peach, and I joined up with Jen and Kathy again. We headed to the lab, which is nearby south coast plaza where the honey & butter truck used to be! At the lab, Jen and Kathy split up again to go shopping even tho not much to shop. While Eric, Peach, and I started shooting. Peach was nice enough to model for us and I basically taught Eric a lot of what I know about photography. I taught him about compositions, a lot about how to pose, how to shoot backlit, framing, how I like to shoot, and etc. I have to teach him about editing another time. But I pretty much taught him a lot of technical stuff like focusing on eyes, etc etc etc! So he’s getting pretty good by the end of it and REALLY appreciated the idk free teaching. Since I really really went indepth and he liked how I posed Peach, and etc. It was almost 7 and they were gonna go eat at Kitakata where Peach and Kristy used to work. I was thinking about joining them, but uhh I had other plans... But before I left, it turns out Kathy goes to UCSB, while everyone else goes to UCSC. It turns out she’s a 1st year bio major waow, so I gave her advice on teachers and kinda how classes are like and etc, she really appreciated it. She noticed that I was wear common project shoes, so I was like wow ;O how she know! Her sister was like, uhh is that a brand new or something?? Then Kathy was like uhh yeahhh! Then Peach was like yeah Theo is kinda balling. I was like ;-; friends I’m not balling (in my head ofc). But Kathy gets brownie points for going to ucsb and being a bio major! She will uh come into play in Saturday’s story lol... So at night my plans were to dick down this random broad... Uhm do not want to expand on this, since not necessarily trying to remember this event. But dang o.o girl got attached really quick what theeeee. Uhm, it didn’t feel very good tbh :l idk even kissing was like ehh... It wasn’t like she was a bad kisser or anything, just idk everything felt kinda meh even putting it in. Like I didn’t really feel anything? Idk if it’s just her or what, but I guess it just didn’t feel very good. I guess I’ve just been a relationship person generally and this kinda just helps remind me that, I really don’t like doing these things with people I don’t at least really like, and even if I’m horny I should remember that lol... But yeah, one night stand basically, and I guess it was the first time I did anything with another girl, since freaking August O_O... Well I had a long period of being a good boy and trying to be happy single and move on. But yeah, I don’t think I’ll be dicking down any girls again anytime soon, unless I’m dating them. Since it really isn’t that enjoyable :( from kissing to everything... There’s just something a lot more idk great about looking at the girl, knowing you really really love her, kiss her, exchange ilys, the intimacy and everything is what makes sex feels good at least for me. Also knowing you can cuddle with her after given the chance and idk, I think casual sex is just not for me. :( It may seem idk kinda cool in the moment, but yeah... Anyways, uhh after that, went home played games, and never talking to that girl again :D even tho she wanted to plan another day, like uhh no!!

The next day was a very interesting day, since it’s the day that I met up with Kristy. Kristy was my ‘real’ girlfriend essentially. She was my first kiss, my first lots of things, and yeah. We broke up my senior year kinda mutually, but I initiated it. At the time, she was idk maybe in love with me (who knows really), but wasn’t necessarily putting in that much effort anymore, and wasn’t too into being in a serious relationship anymore. I guess she was a sophomore in college and wanted to idk date around and etc, which is understandable. But I guess I didn’t see a point in continuing in the relationship, if she felt that way and wasn’t going to put some effort into the relationship since it would be unfair for me, who was. But we didn’t end over a fight or anything, we kept each other on social media/etc, just didn’t talk for like actually 4 months or so? By then, she had a new bf, I moved on and was happy, and we even became friends again after that. I think we generally continued to be friends from there, but maybe drifted away somewhere between when I was going to start college at UCSB, and she started UCI. I mean we were friends, but just didn’t talk that much around that time, I guess life just got busy. I do remember the first time we hung out tho, after breaking up. It was pretty interesting actually. I think we met up at a mall, I’d like to think it was round 1 mall in city of industry (?), and I remember one of the first initial thoughts after seeing her again post-breakup was, “o.o i’ve seen this girl completely naked before” lol... Yeah, I didn’t imagine her naked or anything, but it was just like a really dumb and random first thought haha... Following that day, I think we still hung out a couple times following that, I even recall helping her move into her apartment in Irvine with her mom one time, and she treated me to yardhouse afterwards. I think she even slept over once at my house, but in a diff room, and we were already broken up. She actually never slept over when were together!!! How wasted in a way or like uhh, I think I was thinking at the time, wowow this would be a lot more lit if we were dating lol. But ofc, feelings were gone by then, and yeah. Eventually Kristy and I got into a random dumb argument and stopped talking. Then she messaged me (kinda like after the breakup actually a long time ago) and said hi, and then we reconnected again. Anyways, met up with her at raising canes, where she’s never been before. Seeing her again for the first time in a year, she honestly generally look the same. It was fun catching up with her on the past year of our lives, and yeah. She told me about her crazy ex-bf and then her new dude that she’s seeing, life after graduating from UCI, hobbies, and we talked about life, future, idk plans in general, and etc etc. It was fun, we went to South Coast Plaza, walked around, talked about fashion a bit, and then bid each other goodbye. She said that we should hang out again before I leave, and I agreed. At night, I met up with my friend Jia for the movies! Jia texted me asking if I wanted to watch a movie with her and I agreed. She picked me up and I really appreciated it, since she’s pretty much the only friend of mine that actually drives me lol... I always drive other people, so it’s nice to be driven! Talked to her about beyond, rolling for first time, what’s new from the last time I saw her which was prob like a 3 day weekend not too long ago, and then we headed to Bella Terra to watch beauty and the beast. But the seats were pretty much all taken!! wowow lame. So we drove to irvine spectrum, which has this lit VIP seating thing nowadays. Where they deliver food/drinks during the movie to you and having those cool reclining chairs haha. We ate at the melt, since the movie started late at like 9 for the VIP tickets, and the melt was pretty good tbh! Good choice by Jia! I ate it before at an la mall food court, but it was pretty bad there... But it was soliddd at irvine spectrum tho! Anyways, movie began and took a bunch of snaps, since it was kinda cool. We got alcohol delivered (since jia has her cousin’s ID) and cake delivered during the movie, and had a good time watching Beauty and The Beast. It was a good movie! I kinda want to go on a date in the future and use the irvine spectrum vip movie whatever :) would be cool to chill with a date with reclining seats and have food delivered during the movie! Anyways, it was like 12 by the time the movie ended, said goodbye to Jia, it was fun and she dropped me off at home.

It was really funny tho, since I snapchat all my friends who I’ve been hanging out with over break, and I would get snaps from ucsb friends saying wowow your friends are so pretty. Like Amandi, Chloe, Kristy (ex, I guess not UCSB friend in this case) would be like wow ur friends are so pretty! I’d show my friend that I’m with what they snap chat me, and they’re like haha thanks. Idk, I guess I’ve only really hung out with female friends generally this break o.o... They just happen to be female and apparently cute. But I wasn’t hitting on any of them.. Chloe was like, damnn Theo get at those cute girls, I see youuu. But I’m not tho D: Fyona is prob one of my best friends, Catherine uhh no more with that, Hope has a bf, Jia one of my oldest friend and no, Peach uhh can’t since Kristy’s ex and she has dude, and idk if I’m forgetting anyone else. But yeahhh~ Had to explain to Chloe that they generally have bfs LOL. They’re just my good friends :) I think it’s funny tho that ppl think that I have cute friends and that I should get at them.

Anyways, Wednesday was a fairly chill day. My dad brought me lunch, we went to get my car I guess get an estimate on how much it’ll cost to polished the car to return since lease running out, then had a nice dinner out with mom and dad! I did talk to my dad and mom about my future, and they really believe in me still with becoming a doctor, but we also discussed other potential options for grad school too. Idk I feel bad when they really believe in me, and I feel like I’m letting them down sometimes if I’m not acing all my classes with solid As or something... Since I want to :( and my parents do work really hard to put me in school, make sure I’m living well and eating well, and do try to make sure I’m happy... So I want to be happy, successful, and live well for them, and take care of them when I get older.. But yeah, maybe more on that another time.

On Thursday, I was pretty bored in the morning. Fyona asked if she could come over and chill a bit, before her friend Pdiddy comes to pick her up and take her to pick up her wallet that she left in some photographer’s car. So I guess it was kinda cool just talking to her. My dad think she’s pretty and polite, and I should go after her LOL... I asked Catherine, if she wanted to grab lunch and hang, and she was down. But I did warn her that my dad was making me go car shopping. My dad said it should only take like 45 mins-1 hour, so I told Catherine that. I picked up Catherine, and then we headed over to my house. Uhh, she met my dad, and I explained to my dad how I oddly spend a lot of time with another vietnamese family (catherine’s family) nearby LOL. He was like wut, and I was like ye, they live like 2 blocks down. Anyways, uhm, got to the car dealership, and this was an adventure... But basically, dad was super cancerous with negotiation. I thought he was wasting our time and it seemed like that. Catherine and I was legit waiting 4-5 hours straight while my dad annoying negotiate for the car lease. Eventually he won, and he got pretty much the lowest price ever for the car lease (the finance dude even said so, he was like wtf this is a crazy good deal, and the finance dude wasn’t in the negotiations at all just saw price). Catherine was uhh fairly annoyed, since she was like 45 mins right Theo. I was like ;-;!! I treated her to cafe maji and uh ice cream, so it was okie! She wasn’t that mad or anything :3 at least I don’t think so lol.

Friday - On Friday, I was gonna accompany Hope to a shoot with some random photographer that wanted to shoot Hope. But right when I got to Hope’s house around 4, the shoot got canceled last minute since idk photographer had a family emergency. So we called up Catherine and it turns out she was at uh the Santa Ana Mall, where round 1 is. So Hope and I met up with her, but Catherine was with her mom and shopping. We hung out with Catherine and her mom for a bit. Catherine tried to leave with us/hang with us, but she had to do lots of important shopping with mom, since Catherine was leaving on Sunday to New York for a week. So I played DDR with Hope and it was fun, and a rhythm game at round 1. Then I dropped her off, and headed to hang out with Dana. I met up with Dana at Santa Ana 4th street market, and we got food and talked/caught up. She wanted to hang out, since she thought about starting a blog/instagram/etc, since she was going to transfer to SDSU. So I gave her tips about hashtags, etc etc etc. Then she wanted to head to the Artic to take a nice shot. She didn’t want photos of her, but she was kinda interested in learning photography haha. So I spent like legit 1-2 hours of just talking and teaching her photography. Stuff from aperture, shutter speed, settings, iso, composition, lenses, etc etc the essential basics. She really appreciated it and learned a lot! She doesn’t know if she’ll invest in a nice camera any time soon, but she really appreciated the composition tips! So basically over spring break, I taught 2 ppl photography lol :3 But yeah, it feels good idk teaching and sharing my knowledge. I always kinda want like an apprentice, where I could just dump all my sick knowledge of fashion/photography/etc haha. Anyways, fun night hanging out with friends like Hope/Catherine, and old friends.

Saturday - On Saturday, it was a busy busy day. I basically woke up at 8 am and went over to pick up Catherine. Since there was this sick warehouse sale where shoes are like $5, $10, $15, and $20 and the sale starts at 9 AM in Chino Hills. Chino Hills is like 45 mins away, but I drove and accompanied Catherine for the shoe sale, since I owed her after she waited 4-5 hours for my car shopping lol. We got there, the line was crazy long, waited 1 hour just to get in, and then Catherine only bought 3 pairs of shoes. This is actually not that many pairs, since other girls were buying like 7-10 pairs, since some shoes are just $5 or $10! But uh, carried her bags, and kinda just stood in hot sun for like a couple hours. Then we ate, and head back to our respective houses. Then at like 5, we met up with some photographer name Anthony Kwon to shoot in Laguna Beach. We actually shot at the beach, and I haven’t shot at laguna beach’s actual beach yet. It was really sunny, so it was kinda hard for me to take my shots. Anthony Kwon was a really nice dude, and apparently he does photography for a living. He’s a wedding photographer and apparently works for one of the biggest wedding photography agency or whatever. This was a bit surprising tbh, since uhh I don’t think he’s that good of a photographer based on his portfolio haha... But he does use uhm strobes and external flash and reflectors/etc. But the problem is, I think he doesn’t know how to use them well. Since using flash poorly gives a really idk bad look, but if you can use it well then you can get some really dramatic shots. Idk, I just prefer natural light, since it does take some skill to use natural light well. But I generally don’t like the look of flash, unless someone is especially skilled with it, or it’s like some studio shot. But yeah, shooting with Catherine and Anthony was fun, it was getting late like 7-8ish, so I head home and ate with family. Then I rested a bit, and Kristy was bored and fb messaged me that she was craving pho. I already ate dinner, so I wasn’t gonna eat with her, but I told her that I’d join her and order like Thai Tea or something, if she wants to get pho nearby me lol. She did want to, and at like 12:45 we met up at a pho place near my house. She said the pho was okay, and I just ordered a drink. We talked and it was kinda fun to talk to her more. I told her how I got into like chinese novels, and she was like ooh recommend me some, and I’ll check them out. I was like woah, nobody ever takes the initiate to idk try reading them after I mention about it. Then it kinda remind me back when I used to date her a long time ago. She was also fairly down to get into my hobbies/interests and I was down to get into hers. I got into tumblr more because of her, she got into reddit and began to actively use it. I got into watching the walking dead and dynstopian novels, well I didn’t really get into them, but I tried them at least for her. She was also into knitting/sewing, which I didn’t get into but appreciated lol. I think she got into some mangas cause of me back then and some other hobby. But I just think it’s cool when ppl are open minded and tries chino hills shoe shopping with catherine, then shoot at laguna beach and met anthony kwon, and then met up with kristy 1st gf at night just now for midnight pho run lol, how she was down to read wuxia novels, how it’s cool and how I previously liked in our relationship how she would get into my hobbies and I get into hers. Okay, I don’t want to make it sound like I’m interested in Kristy or anything lmao. Feelings are long gone, I just think it’s cool like oh hey, she still has this characteristic that I really appreciated about her back then. But yeah, recommend her stuff, and she suggested getting roasting waters with her and this dude she’s seeing before I head off to SB the next day.

Sunday - I met up with Steven and Kristy the next day around noon, we got roasting waters, then ate at mcdonalds together haha. Steven was a nice dude, pretty interesting. He does magic tricks and they were pretty cool~ Then, I headed off back to SB, unpacked, and etc then passed out!

That was pretty much my Spring Break :D