#I need ch 123 asap

[kuchenackerman]

This comes from an Eren stan: I love him and yes, he’s done bad things and made mistakes.

He basically forced the SC into engaging in an attack in a whole different continent. It wasn’t much of a choice but an ultimatum. Even if in the end it was necessary because it gave them a tiny bit of time (?), the surprise factor as a Grim Reminder 2.0 and they got the WH, he still basically told them to go help him or let him die (he was/is the only actual advantage they have). And welp, Sasha, one of the people he wanted to live a long happy life, ended up dying because of this...

It was collateral damage in the middle of a seconds before declaration of war, but he still killed innocents in Liberio, yup. No one can deny that, even if he was aiming at the Marleyan army.

He manipulated his own father into murdering the Reiss family. He clearly didn’t enjoy it, but he still did what he did. He had his hands stained with children’s blood even before (?) Liberio. 

He was a jerk to his friends for whatever reason. It could have been for them not to follow him into hell and who knows, but he still was a big-ass jerk and they didn’t deserve his bullshit. Plus he didn’t even really gave them a choice, he got triggered at them insinuating he was being controlled / being a slave himself, leashed out on them and just put them and the rest of the 104th in a cell... Way to go with other’s freedom, Eren *thumbs up* you see this is why he lost his thumbs

He abused Falco’s trust and exposed him to hurt and even death when he transformed right beside him and Reiner. It was pretty unfair. He must have a soft spot for Falco but again, he still did what he did.

He rudely manhandled Hange, his commander. Yeah, Hange was getting into his nerves and all but Eren pls.

Levi getting hurt also was basically collateral damage to Eren’s decisions (and Levi’s own mistakes bc come on, we know how it went), and probably also Historia and her “timely” pregnancy while looking miserable

Eren have had the advantage that he saw glimpses of the future and the past that belonged to others. He’s the character that has the biggest power so far and maybe he’s gotten even more powerful now that he won Ymir’s side, the source of all that power who’s been passive for two thousand years. What I mean is that Eren has become someone that Kenny would respect since he’s really the “strongest guy” around, and... lately he’s essentially been submitting even the people he loves to his power and “knowledge” while claiming that he, at least, is free... lmao. Oh, and that ignorance sucks because “there’s nothing further removed from freedom” than that, right?

In chapter 122 we saw Eren give Ymir such a nice speech and all. After all she’s suffered, she at least deserved to be validated as a human. I liked it, but I can’t help but think about Eren’s actions so far and feel like bitchslapping him anyway. In my country we have a saying: “Padre Gatica, predica y no practica” (Gatica is just a lastname that rhymes with the other two words). In English it would translate to someone that preaches and is all talk like priests but doesn’t practice what he preaches. Lately, ever since the big timeskip, it feels like Eren has been kinda behaving like that.

Eren working so hard to reach Paths and finally freeing a victim like Ymir is / would be amazing, don’t get me wrong. He wants to change things regarding the word they live in, the one forged by people like that disgusting King. In this chapter Eren said he would end the world after the King’s speech about the power of the Titans ruling forever, and hence ending Ymir’s and the essence of Eldians being enslaved forever, and that fight is valid. However, I’m gonna quote something I already said last month after replying an ask for chapter 121:

For about a couple of years we’ve been denied Eren’s POV and his actions have been turning more and more confusing for both other characters and us, readers. We’re finally getting some answers and exposition, but we still don’t know what exactly his plan is. Is it something as straight-forward and extreme as the rumbling? Is it something more complex but still as terrifying as that? Is it a mix of things? Is it something we haven’t even really thought about yet?

All I know is that the rest of the world wants Eldians dead and gone for good, and that Eren doesn’t want that. Does he, in exchange, wants the rest of the world gone for good? We still have to see. If by stopping the genocide of his people he genocides the rest of the humans that aren’t “his people”… then lmao. I love Eren but his “if other people are going to steal my freedom, I’m going to steal theirs” doesn’t rub me the right way atm, because honestly, what’s the point of freedom if you just go and steal other people’s freedom? How does that make you any better or different than the ones that steal or try to steal your own freedom? Nelson Mandela once said “For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”

I’ve always rooted for Eren as a character and for his fighting for freedom, simply because it’s beautiful to fight for a basic right. Oppression must be fighted and never accepted, so I’d certainly feel upset if he for real just goes ahead and finally, and completely, disposes of anyone that doesn’t think like him or that isn’t a Walldian.

*

Now, at the end of chapter 122 we see the Wall Titans were finally released. The walls are no longer standing. I’ve always thought that the Walls shouldn’t remain forever because of what they symbolize in more than one way, so I’m glad they basically won’t longer exist... Though at the same time, if Eren means to literally end the world using the Wall Titans - with the Full Rumbling™ and all - then he would be no different to others, or Zeke. 

However, it’s important to notice that he said “that’s it” after the King’s speech about the Titans ruling the world, so if he intended to use the Rumbling against the whole world then he would basically do what that King wanted: the world being helpless against the power of the Titans. The world would be meeting its own end dominated, destroyed and crushed by the Titans, making their power indeed the ultimate ruler. It will obviously also send the wrong message and will contradict what Eren just said to Ymir: she’s just a human being. Ymir is a human being just like the other Eldians and the rest of people in the planet. If being a human is valid enough and we all have a choice, then why should humanity be invalidated and swiped out by such a strong force without further question? 

I’m here considering the times Eren has preached and not practiced and, even though I have faith in him and his love for his friends (he still loves them even if he’s behaved like a lil bitch towards them), I’m almost prepared to keep on hurting because of his actions and wanting to bitchslap him for it. I’m sure Carla would.

Oh, and Eren is my fave SnK character regardless of what he does. Loving him as a character doesn’t mean I approve or get behind all his actions and words. 

[dicnysian]

answer all those questions you bitch

well I am ur lawfully wedded bitch1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
UH idfk i hold hands w people without realization2. Are you outgoing or shy?Depends if u a bitch or not
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?reese & colbert whenever wherever whoever however 
4. Are you easy to get along with?I'd say so
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?i don't like anyone rn but i like my friends and they sure as hell would cause they dun it before 
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?the pure kind we all dream of
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?No
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?colbert & keanu reeves
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?all I ever do is talk abt sex like a preteen boy
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?reese
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?"Tf"
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?1. GYPSY BY FLEETWOOD MAC2. Sawed off shotgun by glorious sons3. Video games by mama del rey4. Ophelia by the lumineers5. Any song from the requiem of a dream ost
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?YES
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?NO
15. What good thing happened this summer?getting drunk everyday while camping 
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?yes idek who it was but yes 
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?no 
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?no
19. Do you like bubble baths?yes yes yes yes
20. Do you like your neighbors?i don't go outside 
21. What are you bad habits?UH biting my nails when I'm nervous which is 24/7
22. Where would you like to travel?Australia
23. Do you have trust issues?mmmmm no but I don't trust any average Joe on the street
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?eating
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?my thighs & waist wtf is goin on there
26. What do you do when you wake up?go back to sleep 
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?I need a tan asap as possible 
28. Who are you most comfortable around?my bffs
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?yes dear god
30. Do you ever want to get married?yes
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?yes
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?lana & god himself but that's technically the same person 
33. Spell your name with your chin.no
34. Do you play sports? What sports?no
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?TV
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?yes lol I'm a lil pussy
37. What do you say during awkward silences?"SO do u eat ass?"
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?keanu reeves
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?thrift stores & lush
40. What do you want to do after high school?get tf outta this place and go to university
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?mmmm depends on the situation 
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?im overthinking
43. Do you smile at strangers?yes
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?I choose C.
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?my mum 
46. What are you paranoid about?ch ch ch changes
47. Have you ever been high?YES
48. Have you ever been drunk?YES IM PROLLY DRUNK RN
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?no I don't think
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?im wearing one rn & it's blue 
51. Ever wished you were someone else?yes papí 
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?my nose
53. Favourite makeup brand?too faced
54. Favourite store?lush
55. Favourite blog?reese's ;) (I don't wanna spell it cause I can't)
56. Favourite colour?blue or green
57. Favourite food? sushi
58. Last thing you ate?a sandwich from Timmy's
59. First thing you ate this morning?peanut butter toast
60. Ever won a competition? For what?LMAO i used to play piano and got some trophies and i used to do gymnastics/cheerlead & won some shit
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?SUSPENDED FOR VAPING ON SCHOOL PROPERTY dab dab
62. Been arrested? For what?no
63. Ever been in love? i thought I was but realized later that was a hard no
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?it was on a stairway at a movie theatre and it was horrible period
65. Are you hungry right now?Yes
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?i like my real friends 
67. Facebook or Twitter?FB
68. Twitter or Tumblr?tumblr
69. Are you watching tv right now?yessss
70. Names of your bestfriends? Colbert & REESE
71. Craving something? What?idk probably food
72. What colour are your towels?white
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?4
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?no
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?like 500 kept in my closet 
75. Favourite animal?chitty chats & lemurs
76. What colour is your underwear?tie-dye 😏
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?vanilla
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?vanilla
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?blue
80. What colour pants?what pants
81. Favourite tv show?UH I like the office & x files
82. Favourite movie?I like JUNO & lots of old movies
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?I'm skipping this cause the answer is obvious 
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?skipping
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Glenn coco
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?the angelfish guy
87. First person you talked to today?mmmmm my mum
88. Last person you talked to today?the day ain't over sunshine
89. Name a person you hate?i have a list
90. Name a person you love?reese
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?yes
92. In a fight with someone?no
93. How many sweatpants do you have?874+
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?874+
95. Last movie you watched?memento
96. Favourite actress?uhhhh I'm rlly into emily blunt & margot robbie rn
97. Favourite actor?Keanu reeves (my dad), Leo (my dad), the guy that voices sideshow bob
98. Do you tan a lot?NO i BURN 
99. Have any pets?2 kitties
100. How are you feeling?kinda bummed I got a dentist appointment tmrw
101. Do you type fast?si
102. Do you regret anything from your past?no ragrats (yes)
103. Can you spell well?I'd say so 
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?yes
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?yes señorita 
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?YES 😏😏😏
107. Have you ever been on a horse?yes yes yes
108. What should you be doing?cleaning my room 
109. Is something irritating you right now?mmmm nah I'm good rn
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?no
111. Do you have trust issues?stop asking me THIS 
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?uhhh my math teacher cause I forgot how to multiply
113. What was your childhood nickname?syd the kid
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?yes yes
115. Do you play the Wii?wii is good for the soul
116. Are you listening to music right now?NO but I'm GONNA once I finish this
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?eh it's okay
118. Do you like Chinese food?YES that good shit
119. Favourite book?the bell jar or Norwegian wood 
120. Are you afraid of the dark?YES
121. Are you mean?idk
122. Is cheating ever okay?noooooo
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?oh DONT get me started on white shoes I think they're the most stupid invention ever created by man 
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?no
125. Do you believe in true love?no
126. Are you currently bored?yes
127. What makes you happy?my friends & any song by queen
128. Would you change your name?in a heart beat
129. What your zodiac sign?pisces
130. Do you like subway?mmmm yes
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?I'd say "no you don't" 
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?👏 you asked this sweaty
133. Favourite lyrics right now?hey ho let's go
134. Can you count to one million?I can't even count to 100 without skipping a number or 2
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?I've told lots of dumb shit you can't tell me to pick just one
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?open so the kitties can travel as they please
137. How tall are you?5'3"-5'3" AND A HALF-ISH
138. Curly or Straight hair?wavy
139. Brunette or Blonde?brunette
140. Summer or Winter?summer but winter is pretty
141. Night or Day?night
142. Favourite month?February 
143. Are you a vegetarian?HELL no
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?white
145. Tea or Coffee?tea
146. Was today a good day?I'd say so yeh so far
147. Mars or Snickers?mars
148. What’s your favourite quote?idkkkk
149. Do you believe in ghosts?UHuhhuh nO but I think someone's gonna get me when it's dark 
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? (via catscuddlingandyou)no

[ilkkijangege]

123

Chad Chronicles is on hold while we work from home.

I'll keep updating this post if anything does happen to us.

Basically, I was telling Jacqui how J*ck told me I should join Tinder, use it during work to find out of he is there and if we would match. But Jacqui was like "what if you don't see him there but his friends see you??" So I was like "Then good na he's not on it 😂 as if he's ever talked about me to his friends 😂"

Then, nearly an hour later, I looked at my "Friends You May Know" on FB (there's a rumor that that is a list of people who's viewed your profile) then I saw that one of his friends are on it!!! I was shook, if the algorithm theory is right, then his friend was stalking me which means he has talked about me to his friends. LOL AYAN NANAMAN OVERTHINKING BES EH 😂

Then Jacqui told me how she asked her bf: if you offer a lift to a girl, does that mean he's interested? Her bf said yes but I shouldn't overthink and wait for another big sign.

Anyways, my Mandalorian plan is still going ahead. 😂

20/3/2020

Well, we didn't really talk online, he welcomed one of the guy on our team because he just got his access sorted today but I did not get the same treatment yesterday 😭

It's G tho 😂 Seems like he really is super smart because I looked into one of his chats and he used the word "futile". I'm just....wow big word 😂

Lol anyways, we're out for the weekend, Disney+ comes out on Tuesday, will try to binge it as soon I can so I can message him by Thursday or something 😂 really hope our conversation can flow naturally. Like I will just say "oh I've finished it and I am now obsessed with Baby Yoda or I can see why you are obsessed with Baby Yoda, he is adorable!" Then hopefully he can be like "What did you think of it?" Etc etc and we live happily ever after. CHOS.

.

21/03/2020

Swear everyone is telling me to either text him or to keep my feet on the ground and let the connection grow.

I REALLY DO NOT KNOW. He keeps doing all these things to me and I am always overthinking it. My friends have told me not to but it is sooo hard. They told me to wait for other signs.

I really want to take a risk and tell him but I really do not want to ruin our new found friendship. I mean I really hope he's just waiting to make more signs because he doesn't think it's time yet or something but I just don't want to give give give and not have anything in return. Haaaay Lord, please help me!

.

22/03/2020

This morning, I told my mom about the fact that he drove me home. At first, I couldn't tell her immediately, I was just staring at her the whole time and she asked "Anong kailangan mo sakin?" I said "nothing." "Bakit naka tingin ka sakin?" Then finally, I said, "Wala lang, may update lang ako sayo." Then she was like "ano may date ka???" I replied, "No update!!! Hinatid nya ako kila tita nung last time kaming pumasok.." and she was just like "ayie, hinahatid ka na ha." Then she told me, "yan dapat, cool ka lang. Pero tapusin mo muna.." She didn't complete her sentence but I knew she was talking about my FE1s but then she was probably thinking that I am nearly 25 and she should let me be. Hahaha. Then she asks "nag offer ba xa?" Sabi ko oo 😂

Then she asks me if he texts me and I told her no, we only talk in work. Then she replied, "ganun talaga" 😂 hay mother, if she had asked more details, I would have told her how I am getting mixed signals from him kaya di ko tlga sure kung gusto nya din ako 😂 but she didn't, so let's leave that for another time. 😂

Lord, pleaseee I trust you. If he doesn't reach out to me, ako na tlga mag rereach out. Need to binge The Mandalorian asap.

.

23/03

He keeps reading my messages on our GC immediately but does not with other people

ANO BA GUSTO MO PARAMDAM KA NAMAN PLS

Happened again at 16;09 ANO BA HUHU

.

24/03

STOP SEEN ZONING MY MESSAGES AS SOON AS I POST THEM AND START TALKING TO ME

.

25/03

No sign of Chad life anywhere, he was pretty much quiet today, not reading/replying to messages etc

.

26/03

I FINISHED THE MANDALORIAN YOU GUYS.

I took a risk and messaged him. It took me a whileeeeee but I just took the plunge.

Basically, I asked him how he was and how working from home has been coming along. It took him like 6 mins to reply, which was fine, we were in work so understandable.

He told me he is relaxed but about to get boring. He asked me ‘how about you?’ So I sent him this quite long response how I’ve been relaxed working in my jammies and binged watch Mandalorian, bummed about 2 eps so illegally streamed the rest. Told him that I am now also obsessed with Baby Yoda (he laughed react to this). Then he said how it was dumb for Disney not to release everything at once. (Was upset he didnt ask me what I thought of the show)

Then I told him if Netflix can do it, so can they. But he said people would just sign up for trial, watch it then cancel. Thennnn he asked if I liked it. I said yes except for Ch.6′s characters. He said he thinks you were not meant to like them.

Then I asked him if he thinks Fennec Shand is still alive. He was like which one was HE again? So I told him correction she* (laugh emoji) then explained her character. He was like ‘Oh yeaaahhh. Then boba fett was supposedly the one who found her” I replied ‘yup that’s the theory but I feel like she was pretty much lifeless already and maybe just a teaser for boba fett then?'

Then nearly 3 hours later, I go check our workplace chat and he seenzoned me. Okur. He read the message at 20.27. He better reply tomorrow or I’ll take it a sign that he really just isn’t interested in me.

On a side note, he went on lunch at 6pm, came back at around 7ish but didn't change his Status xD it's either he forgot or na distract na sya sakin CHOS sige laaaangg.

I swear I hope we can talk more tho. Since he seenzoned me, I will not message him again cos I don't want to look eager/desperate so yeah. Byeeeeee.

.

30/03

STOP READING MY MESSAGES, dear heart and head, STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM.

I know you get notifications that "Bianca messaged..." Does your heart flutter when my name appears? STOP OVERTHINKING BIANCA.

Ayan nnmn tayo sa seenzone eh 14:55. Ano ba?

.

1/04/20

I had a dream that he messaged me. He asked me how I was and for some reason, he told me to go to Google Music because they were having a sale and that I should make a track for him. (Like what?)

Also dreamt that he took me home again. When we got to our house, he told me we needed to talk. I think he confessed.

Ay ayoko na.

.

5/4/20

Why do I keep dreaming about him? I dreamt that he messaged me on FB, really long paragraphs of him confessing his feelings.

Urgh.

Oh and I also paid for a tarot reading of how he really sees me. I mean idk if it's real but there are feelings there but there may be a third party but the reader could not 100% confirm it. It is highly probable, he's a single man who could totally date around. The reading also mention how he finds me attractive and sees a long term energy with me. It also says how he may not be ready for a serious romantic relationship but he can see it progressing down the line. But honestly, I do not see him as someone who longs for sex, yknow? I am nearly sure that he could still be a virgin but the fact that he frequented Krystle in college, makes me question it. I mean, he is a white male, it is something I am not super pressed about.

I've just been thinking, if I were to get with a Filipino guy, is there anyone out there who has never had a girlfriend or who has even dated anyone?

Chad really gives me the vibe of never having a girlfriend before but I really see him as not looking for anything at the moment to focus on his dream job.

.

6/4/20

Okay, why did I have a dream that he proposed to me??

I think we argued over something and then a few days later, he proposed. Wtf.

From what I remember, he only proposed in his car. lol

.

8/4/20

So we had a team call today. He has not been working since like Thursday last week because he could not get his VPN to work.

But dang. I heard his voice after 3 weeks. He sounds the same as in real life but his American accent is more prominent 😂

Then our TL said we might still be working from home for the next 3-4 months and I'm just like. HUHUHU.

Will I be over you by then?

.

10/04/20

Had a dream we were back in the office and we were having banters again like nothing has changed.

I think he also messaged me on Facebook one of these isolation days...

I swear I know it was probably unintentional for him to ghost me like that.

.

11/04/20

So I've been searching his Gamer tag on Google, even before I decided to let go of him and there is this one file I keep noticing, it is League of Legends and it seems his password is Yugioh246 😂 it is actually hilarious 😂 I didn't know he is that big of a nerd. I don't see it as a bad thing because I like nerds and I am drawn to them but I hope he is not an incel because that is a major turn off.

Yes, I am not wishing for us to be together anymore but I really hope he finds the woman of his dreams. He deserves to have someone who will understand him for who he is.

.

13/04/20

Another thing, how do I listen to songs without thinking of him?? It is getting frustrating. I used to listen to these songs without thinking of him and now all I do is associate these songs to him. Nakakainis.

.

14/04/20

Why do you keep reading my messages then stop reading others' after mine??

.

18/04/20

Argh why did I dream of him again?

We were back in the office daw and I sat in a different computer because I was avoiding him as in. For some reason, the coat rack was behind him so when it was home time, I grabbed my coat as fast as I could so he would not talk to me. He was slouched in his seat and looked really tired. His hair was long like mid length sufer dude hair, he was not wearing his hat. But then he saw me and called me and said "Bianca, I'll give you a ride home." I replied, gaga naman ate nyo, "If it's not raining, I can walk but if it is, I'll take the bus." He replied, "What time is your bus?" I replied, "In an hour." He replied, "Okay, if it's raining, I'll wait for you here, let me know." Then I grabbed my stuff from my locker, I went out the office and it was raining. I went back into the office and told him that it was raining. So he got up from his seat and we walked to his car. On the way, I noticed he looked really tired and his eyes were red so I asked him, "Did you not sleep?" His reply was: "Yeah I came to work with no sleep." So we just walked to his car and he opened the door for me. He even adjusted my seat.

Then for some weird reason, we ended up in Dolphins Barn, like the flats and around Tesco. Then there were billboards for Book of Mormons and he saw it he said or read "What about the Mormons?" Then I was confused at first so he pointed at the ads for the Book of Mormons. Then I told him: "Oh I really wanna see that! I heard it's meant to be one of the best Broadway shows." He then tells me he is not a big play fan but there is something he likes. I asked him but he saw another Book of Mormons billboard and pointed to it. Then we reached Reilly's Ave and idk why but my whole family and our old neighbors were all outside. Bsta ang weird talaga na he dropped me off in our old house. Dreams are weird.

So I just thanked him and watched him leave.

Aish why did I dream of you again???

.

20/4/20

Had another dream about him. Just why oh why? What are these dreams trying to tell me? I haven't been thinking about him seriously so idk.

Basically in this dream, we were all back in the office. So we got a few newbies who joined our team. And management/TL thought it was a good idea to blend the newbies with the senior agents so there was a complete seat change again. Chad and the guy beside him moved to my old area, as in Chad moved to my old seat. While I was stayed in my current seat. Of course I felt sad that I won't be able to see him face to face as often anymore and that I felt like our friendship will drift apart again.

Basta ano baaa I don't understand this. Do I still have feelings for him deep down?

Oh and he read my message on the group chat again. 10:18am. I mean ok he's been active on the UKI chat today so here's me overthinking again.

.

23/04/20

Another day, another Chad dream.

So in this dream, I was in Tesco with my mom or Aldi, anyways a supermarket.

I wanted to make Tacos so I was at the spice aisle, looking for a taco spice mix. Then out of nowhere, he pops up and sees me. Says hello and asked how I was etc, while I was grabbing the taco spice mix.

Then I told him goodbye but I still kept seeing him everywhere in the store even though I purposely was avoiding him.

WHY DO I KEEP DREAMING OF HIM.

It is honestly annoying. 😭

I just wanna move on.

.

27/04/20

Been a while since my last dream but I dreamt that he drove me home, yet again, but I only remember the part where we entered Cherrywood and then I just got out of the car and don't even remember saying thanks. I stood at the front door, until he left.

.

28/04/20

Arghhh he read my messages again on the office chat almost instantly at 2.37pm 😩😩😩😩 Whereas our own team's chat has been active all day, yet he has not read the messages on there since yesterday morning!!

Were you expecting that I messaged you or something??? CMON IF YOU WANNA TALK TO ME JUST MESSAGE ME. I already messaged you first, it's your turn.

Ugh I hate overthinking this!!

Also, 26th of April marked the 1st month since we last talked. Hmmmm have I fully moved on? I really don't think I have but I am just trying to live my life. Why must you be an introvert Chad, we'll be waiting for each other forever.

.

6/05/20

Hmmmm... Beginning to think he actually has 3 siblings contrary to the fact that I thought he said there are 3 of them in the family, him being the eldest, followed by his sister then his younger brother.

If it is his brother that I saw on FB then it makes sense now because remember when he gave out chocolates for Christmas? I heard him say "my brother's work had them on sale" or something along the lines. And the other brother I was aware of was only a kid. This person I saw matches the bill, from Chicago and went to the same secondary school as him. (AND LOOKS LIKE HIM!!! We may be the same age or a year younger because he graduated secondary school in 2014) [yup he is older than me by 6 months and just like his older brother, he is also very much into Star Wars and video games. But he seems more social than his bro. Haha xa na lang date ko 😂 Chad 2.0 chosss Chad introduce me to your bro para di tayo awkward sa work 😂 They are actually only 10 months apart, I wonder if they are close.]

Hmmmmm why am I such a stalker 😂

(7.6 update: nah saw his bro's IG and he seems like a fckboi, his DP is a mirror selfie of him shirtless, showing off his v line abs 😂)

.

13/05/20

It's been a while. As of yesterday, he is fully back to work. We had a team meeting on Monday and he was on it. He said they gave him a laptop to work on. I had myself on mute so I was just listening to him. Yes I wanted to join in on the convo but I needed to stop myself. I need to distance myself until I fully move on from him.

Anyways, today, a case was assigned to me at around 8.30 in the morning. I didn't action it because the office was going mad with chats so I said I was gonna action it when I had a chance later on.

Then I noticed that it disappeared from my queue. I went to my closed cases and I saw that he had actioned it. I mean, I am not saying that he did it on his own free will, our TL may have asked him to go through our team's response received internal queue. Which is aight but this case was not originally mine, but one of his office broskis, na mean? So it's either he did not read the email thread at all or he just decided to close it in MY name. I mean he had to type my name and I wonder if he felt something. CHOSSSSSS 😂

But I'm telling you guys, ever since he got access again, my heart started fluttering again just like when I was still crushing on him, before I moved in front of him and he started giving me all these attention that made me fall in love with him.

I have been trying to move on. I even wrote a 7 page journal entry about my feelings. I've been super distracting myself by watching Kim Possible and staying away from sappy romantic shows 😂

I need more time to heal but it will be okay!

Update 14/5:

I got another case from the same broski, which he actioned yesterday and closed it under his broski's name but he closed the other one on mine.

Ugh why am I overthinking this again!!!

Chad please go away from my feelings 😩

15/5

Today, I helped him out with one of his cases.

He said 'thanks!' whereas the past few days, he's only been replying to people on our team with 'ty!'.

Made me overthink again but I was just being ridiculous 😂 'ty' tapos today sakin 'thanks', special ako chos 😂 honestly wasn't that bothered but okay! Stop giving me special treatment please 😂 don't treat me differently from others if you don't feel the same way because it's unhealthy for me 😂

Helped him again with another one and he said 'thanks!' again urgh. Swear tho, I was hesitating a bit when I was helping him. My heart was thumping again like it did before we started getting comfortable with each other 😭😭😭

.

17/5/20

Exactly 2 months since I saw him and when he dropped me home.

Oh Chad. Will I ever be over you.

.

18/5/20

Helped him with another case because no one was helping him so I was just being nice.

Bianca don't be marupok pls. You've been making progress. Don't relapse now.

.

20/5/20

Another day of helping him out....

Basically he asked our group chat for help, no one replied for like 5 minutes so I said I'll help him.

Then he private messaged me about the case. He told me there were a lot and said "ahah". I should have joked around but I didn't or even asked him how he was 😭

But after I helped him, this was his reply:

Huhuhu parang ang happy nya na may tumulong sa kanya. Chad naman, don't do this to me! I am trying to move on 😭

.

21/05/20

Haaaayy... Reading my messages again as soon as I post them. Chad Chad Chad ....

.

26/05/20

He legit have not read messages on our office GC since 10.30 this morning. I messaged a few times around 3pm and he kept reading them. Ano ba kasi Chad.

Don't be scared of rejection, I know I may not be showing real signs but I am an awkward turtle, just talk to me.

.

27/05/20

As usual no one was helping him again so I private messaged him and asked if anyone was helping yet.

His response:

Hahaha cute 😂 so I told him 'give me the deets, I'll send it up'.

He said 'ty!!', gave me the deets.

Then when I completed it, this was his reply:

Hahaha naloka na xa, double a. Choss. I replied with "anytime 😊" 😂 para konti landi to let him know na I am here to help anytime HAHAHAHAHAHAHA chos

BAKIT HIRAP MAG MOVE ON MGA BESH

.

5/6/20

So I've been hesitating about posting this but about 2 days ago? I had a dream about him again. It wasn't just him in it but the dream mostly centered about him and I.

Basically, we there was a party in the office and for some reason, I was getting ready at my desk as in curling my hair (so weird 😂😂😂).

Then Chad decided to go out of the computer area, probs was on a break or something. Then my team decided it was a good idea to hide his baby yoda plushie so I hid it in my locker and when he came back, he kept looking for it and we were just laughing at him. 😂

That was it haha.

But you guys, I've been diligently praying for my vocation and I've been getting signs about marriage etc. What if he's the one? God, please give me more signs.

.

15/06/20

So it's been a while. I've been helping him here and there over the last few weeks.

Today's response was "awesome, thanks!"

And that made me kilig inside. 😂

I am awesome, chos! 😂

.

16/06/20

Just saw the July Schedule and he is taking 2 weeks holidays 😂

Lol fam watchu gonna do? 😂

Tara let's go on a date chos 😂

.

24/06/20

I miss him ☹️ But I've been good with not thinking about him a lot but I just really can't wait to be able to ask him out in person hahaayyyy

Hmmmm I also suddenly wondered if he still has the card I gave him for Christmas. That was a cute card, €4 din un ha hahaha

.

3/07/20

Yo wassup.

I had a dream, so we were back in the office. We were on the weekend shift and for some reason, I decided I was staying back for a bit more so he left before me.

Basically, from this dream, it seems that we were on minimal speaking terms. So like as he was leaving, at the computer area door, he said bye to me and idk why, I asked him to have dessert with me on Monday 😂 it was weird 😂

.

12/07/20

Okur, I had a dream that he dropped me off again in Cherrywood, like just out of nowhere. Like all I remember was that we were walking to his car together.

He even opened my door and carried my bag and walked me to the front door. Haaayyy....

.

14/07/20

So today, I was overthinking again.

Basically there was a post in work where an SME asked him to tag his team. He tagged me first over his broskis and that made me quite overthink again. Like the way he tagged our team was not as if it was alphabetical order. So why did he tag me first?

Hahah ako ung unang pumasok sa isip nya

Huhuhu ayoko naaaaa

.

19/07/2020

So he is on his 2 weeks PTO from tomorrow.

Haaaaayyyyy miss ko na xa, bakit ba kasi ako ganito. Pero as long as he has not said that he is not interested in me, may chance pa rin tlga kami eh.

Wag lang tlaga xang umalis ng company and it will be grand.

.

08/08/20

Been a while since this was updated, nothing's been happening between us so there is nothing to report. But anyways, lately I've been having (r-rated) fantasies about him 😂 argh I just want to be with him 😂

He's also started playing Fall Guys on the PS4, we have something in common na chos 😂

Also, there's an SME position in work and I have a feeling he might apply huhu if he gets it, he'll be level 12 and I won't be able to date him 😭😂

Honestly still think may something sila ng QA namin huhuhu

.

16/08/20

So I told MF on the 14th of August about everything that has happened, like how I was getting mixed signals that made me overthink alot to me messaging him twice and being left on read, also how I plan on asking him out when we get to the office. (Also how he dropped me home.)

I told her how it's been very hard for me in the last 5 months, trying to move on from someone I don't even talk to. She was very understanding and told me that she also has not talked to Chad since WFH, as she was also left on read. She said he may not be the texty type because he's quite shy.

I was honestly shook. I thought they talk, even on our workplace chat because they are close in work. Cause I asked her if it was even a good idea for me to ask him out or if she knows if he's seeing someone because I don't want to intrude. I told her I want to take a risk with him but a part of me fears rejection.

She asked me if I ever thought about asking him out for coffee since things are opening up. I told her, yes but I don't think we are in that level where I could just ask him randomly.

So her plan is to build up a rapport with him again and find out the goss. I really hope she can build something up with him and that if ever, this time, there will be progress.

Until I know I have a chance with him, I can't move on. If he's seeing someone, then okay at least I'll know where I stand.

I'll let you know if there's progress.

.

19/08/2020

So today, I helped him out with a case.

One of the internal tools was not working for him so he asked for help. I was the first to reply so I told him to send me the details and I'll do it.

When I did it for him, he said 'Perfect thank you!' and I just replied, "No worries 😊" landi landi with that emoji 😂 Wish we kinda had a conversation going though 😭 Wish I asked him how he was but it wasn't appropriate okay 😂

Haaayy can't wait to find out if he's dating anyone or when I'll see him again so I can ask him out. HAAAAAYYYYSSSS.

.

9/9/20

So yesterday, I asked our group chat for help on a case. I didn't really expect that he would be the one to respond but he did and that was cute. Awww. ❤️

Looool I wish I could've thanked him personally but other people started helping me out so yeah. But for a brief moment, I was kilig haha

Really wanna ask him out already! But cases are rising again and I don't want him to use Covid as an excuse so I'll wait again until cases have slowed down.

.

13/09/20

So today, I had a video call with MF. She told me that she got a new job 😭 meaning, she won't be able to be my wingwoman now 😭

I am happy for her but this cuts down all my chances with Chad 😭

But she did talk to Chad and he applied to the SME role apparently, I think he may have already been interviewed but he didn't hear back from them yet.

MF also said that we should meet up for a coffee date "with Bianca" and he said we should hahaha cmon MF make this a reality please so I can talk to him 😭