#I myself have a serious trauma regarding RPing

[desultory-novice]

I almost forgot that I too had AU'd Magolor.

Mechalor is a clockwork Magolor who wished on a Galactica Nova and it went horribly wrong. He has flashlight eyes and loves to shock unsuspecting people by telling them the story of how he died in TMI levels of detail! (He's...he’s a bad Magolor...)

[diamxndauthority]

Hey, guys. (an update)

Long time no see, huh?

 I mean, it’s only been a few weeks, but still.

I’m writing this to keep you guys in the know about what’s going on in regards to why I haven’t been online recently.

1.) I have PTSD from my car accident in January. The trauma has now caused my physical health to decline as well, and I have watched myself deteriorate emotionally before my own eyes. I’m getting help for both the physical and psychological trauma and slowly picking up the pieces.

2.) I am a full-time student. My classes are okay, but they are extremely time-consuming. I also have a quarter-long class that starts in a week, so that’s even more work.

3.) I am currently addressing legal issues in regards to the accident.

4.) I am making some serious decisions in regards to my education. I have recently decided to stay at my current university for the next year, and if I still don’t like it, I will transfer. I might try and live on campus next semester, too. I might slightly alter my major.

5.) I’m looking into bettering myself professionally. I’m looking into furthering my personal brand, and even trying out an SU-related Kickstarter project soon. I will be sure to talk about it on here if/when it comes to fruition! 

6.) I’m unsure how to go forward as an rper on Tumblr. I’ve tried just about everything (to my knowledge) and I just can’t seem to branch out my blogs to new people— especially this one. Some days I feel like this blog is doing well, and some days I don’t, so take it with a grain of salt. I hope to find some trick to reviving this blog and bringing it into a new golden age sometime very soon.

7.) I’m having some emotional/personal troubles. (emotional overshare, please feel free to skip) A whole semester of being on a campus of nearly 30,000 and still being alone really got to me. As a person who fears relationships (in some senses), I’ve never felt more alone in regards to not having an s/o. If I live on campus, I will be alone in an apartment without a roommate (due to reasons), living and going to school around a bunch of people who don’t want to interact with me. I’m just...grappling with a lot of loneliness in my life right now.

Writing this and having it put all together, it sounds really negative. I mean, a lot of it is. Compared to this time last year, I’ve fallen from the highest point and ended up in the deepest pit. But hey: healing isn’t linear. Shit sucks, and I’m not here looking for sympathy...I just want to be completely transparent on why I’ve been gone, and what’s been happening that would either hinder my time from rping or affecting my mental state and therefore my accompanying muse. 

[runningracingdancingchasing]

RANDOM FACTS ABOUT THE MUN.

Repost, not reblog! Tag muns you would like to get to know better when done!

Name: Becky Nickname: Bex Age: 37 Faceclaim: I don’t have an FC for myself.

Pronouns: She/her Height: 5′8.5″ Birthday: May 17th Aesthetic: Tangled is legit my aesthetic, you should see my apartment. But Disney in general, pirates, eclectic comfort, things that remind me of secrets and treasure, like keys, boxes, etc.  Last song you listened to: I’m not sure. Whatever was on the radio when I got home from work.

Favourite muse(s) you’ve written: Rapunzel is my favorite licenses muse. My other favorites are all OCs.

What inspired you to take on your current muse (that you are posting this on): I relate a lot to Rapunzel, and saw both myself and what I wished to be in her. And honestly? RPing as Rapunzel meant I got to RP dating/being married to Eugene, so that was a draw.

What are your favourite aspects of your current muse: She’s so upbeat and positive, always trying to find the bright side of every situation. But she’s also got trauma and demons in her heart, and I do love RPing me some angst!

What’s your biggest inspiration when it comes to writing: The movie, the series, and my RP partners.

Favourite types of threads: Shippy stuff and serious angst.

Biggest struggle in regards to your current muse: Trying to keep her in step with the series. (So far, so good!)

Tagged by: @notgettingawaythistime

Tagging: @anja-jane @strawberryfitzsherbert @thrillmethrough @chngexfheart  @sinsailstheseas

[smallforone-blog]

Rules

Attention!:

Some of my muse’s thoughts and behaviors are problematic. He is a victim of emotional neglect and sexual abuse, from a toxic household, and has developed deviant sexual and social tendencies in response to this trauma. Notably, he exhibits some narcissistic and sociopathic traits, has a poor/flawed understanding of appropriate sexual behavior, enjoys manipulating people, mocks/criticizes/verbally abuses others especially when stressed/defensive, possesses low empathy, and passes blame to excuse his behavior. Depending on when in his timeline he is being portrayed (before or during/after intensive therapy in third year high school), these facets may be more or less pronounced, controlled, or acknowledged by him.

I have a zero tolerance policy for criticism or accusations regarding my decision to portray these serious, dark themes. I do not condone my muse’s views and actions, nor do I fetishize them. If you are uncomfortable with these themes, please block the appropriate tags. If you object to the entire principle of writing them, please unfollow. Simple. You are always welcome to ask me respectful questions regarding what/how I play, but casting judgment will not be accepted.

How I Play:

I am non-private semi-selective, meaning we do not have to be mutuals in order to interact and create threads, but I am still entitled to declining something I don’t want to engage in.

I may not follow back for myriad reasons all regarding my personal preferences (muse identity, characterization choices, writing style/ability, frustrating blog layout, missing rules/info, etc). Please do not take this personally. If this happens, you are still welcome to initiate interaction with me in any way, IC or OOC!  Also, if I do follow back, I definitely want to RP with you!

I will likely unfollow and decline to interact if you have too much OOC drama/fandom hate/anti behavior/bullying/callouts/discourse/politics/worldview on your blog. HUGE pet peeves of mine. I repeat, I do not support callout culture.

I am very uncomfortable with interacting with duplicates of my muse. It is absolutely my own failing and insecurity, but even just reading about others of the same muse triggers my inferiority/superiority complex, and I feel very sensitive. I wish it were not this way and could better interact with my fellow muns with good taste in muse, but this is currently not the case. Again, nothing personal is intended, but I will most likely not be able to interact with the blogs of duplicates for my own personal comfort. (This is 100% not the case for other fans of the muse or meta/fanfic writers; come to me!)

Multimuse blogs generally make me uncomfortable for various reasons, so unless I make a rare exception, I probably won’t follow (though I repeat you are still free to interact with/follow me).

I operate my muse based on what I feel is in his character to do at that moment. Sometimes that makes planning difficult, because he may not respond to a circumstance in a way I anticipated. Sorry if things do not go as planned. But I do also love plotting and overthinking things, and I think the more we communicate about what’s going on, the more we’ll both be on the same page.

I am willing to play scenes including sex/smut, gore/violence, angst, horror, abuse, torture, my character’s death, etc., and there will likely be somewhat disturbing content like this on this blog, especially considering his personality flaws and history of abuse. They will be tagged with “cw:” followed by the label.

I have severe depression and social anxiety with unpredictable mood/energy/motivation swings. I have a history of sporadic activity sometimes, and I know that is inconvenient, sorry! Also, in general I’d tell you I am slow at responding.

I may drop a thread due to general life anxiety, lack of ideas, or loss of inspiration, my deepest apologies. Don’t feel bad and do feel free to continue interactions with my muse in the future!

If you are RPing smut with me and I do not know your age, I assume you are above the age of consent. I am uncomfortable with roleplaying smut with underage individuals, so please refrain if you are under age 18.

What I Appreciate:

I am a huge fan of thorough communication. Notably, if you are planning on attempting to kill or torture my muse, it would be nice for some notification of this (either in the post/tags or in a message) at least one post beforehand.

Let me know if something I’m doing in a thread with you is making you uncomfortable. I myself am comfortable with exploring some very dark themes. I will do my part to check your blog rules, and I apologize if I am ever forgetful about anything mentioned.

Please try to refrain from controlling my muse’s thoughts and actions (unless that is your muse’s quirk; ask me).

Please try to remember to start a new post instead of reblogging an ask post over and over. I literally do not care, but some people whose dash I may show up on do care, and I’d rather give the people what they want.

I would rather non-RP blogs not reblog my RP threads (but following me and ‘liking’ them is totally okay)! Headcanons I’m going to say are generally okay to reblog, because I appreciate that others enjoy them. Just don’t steal them for your own muse or anything--like, especially the really specific/original ones.

I am not an artist and none of the art on this blog is mine. However I do edits on various images from time to time, usually tagged as such if significant enough. If you are the artist of something on my blog and want it taken down, message me! Similarly, I find it unsettling for others to use my significant edits meant for my muse in particular as their RP blog dash icons, so please don’t do that; I...think that’s fair and makes sense...? ? If you’re not sure, you can totally ask me about it.

What Is Acceptable:

Always feel free to send me an ask, IM, or communicate in our RP thread if you have something to say or ask. Or if you just have a random comment! Seriously, anything.

If it seems like I’ve forgotten about a thread or neglected to respond and you you really want to continue it, feel free to message me to remind/ask about it.

Let me know if there is something you want tagged, and I will try to accommodate with what I see as reasonable.

I am 100% cool with us engaging in more than one thread at once. Do it.

Pretty much all the memes in my #memes tag are always open. Meaning as long as you specify which one you’re referencing, you can send it in any time, even if I reblogged the post ages ago.

I selectively accept OCs and characters from other fandoms. It would be nice to have a little background on them first (either in a message or a link to info), especially if I am unfamiliar with the character or fandom (just assume I am). I may not be capable of responding if I don’t have enough knowledge about what I’m doing.

I am okay with roleplaying total AUs (as in, a completely different setting), but it is not my default preference. The best way to go about seeing if I’m interested would probably be to message me.

#info is my tag for posts with further information about my RP tendencies, habits, and preferences. Reading those is absolutely not obligatory but just there in case you want to know more!

[revengive-blog]

Basic Josh Headcanon

I want to put together an overview of my various headcanons. I wouldn’t expect anyone to read all of this, so if you’re curious about any specific headcanons I have, I’ve included headers. This includes headcanon on Josh’s mental illness, what he Did Wrong, his sexuality, and his relationships.

Josh’s Mental Illness

NOTE: While I myself have bipolar disorder, if you ever think that I have portrayed Josh’s mental illness in a way that's problematic, I’m open to discussion and suggestions (as long as  you aren’t rude about it, since it is personal for me).

My version of Joshua has bipolar disorder with bouts of psychotic depression. His condition was worsened by being misdiagnosed with major depressive disorder and by his own misuse of his medication and alcohol and drug use.

When Josh is manic, he is highly energetic, impulsive, and irritable. He will often talk too fast and try to do too many things at once. He thinks of this as when he’s in “party mode” and it is when his substance abuse and irresponsible sexual behavior are often at their worst. His behavior is often dismissed with “boys will be boys” and can even be exciting for those around him, so it was ignored as part of his mental illness.

When Josh is depressed, he becomes lethargic, hopeless, difficulty concentrating, and suicidal ideation. Because these symptoms were less “fun” and got in the way of his schoolwork, they were taken more seriously. He was put into therapy at age 11 because he expressed suicidal thoughts after struggling at school with being bullied, getting into fights, and being disruptive and belligerent. 

His parents didn’t want anyone to know their son was in therapy, including his own sisters, so his mental illness (which they considered to be “just” depression) was kept a secret.

His mental state became much worse when his sisters disappeared and he exhibited his first signs of psychotic depression. These signs were thought to be caused by his improper use of his medication, since many of his symptoms coincided with withdrawal symptoms of his medication. It was in this state, haunted by his extreme feelings of guilt, that he secretly went to Blackwood to begin setting up his “prank”.

Did Josh Do Anything Wrong?

Yes. He directly caused his friends emotional trauma, particularly for Chris, Ashley, and Sam. Also, in some scenarios he punches Ashley.

However, there are factors to keep in mind.

The mental illness and grief are not excuses, but they are reasons. His ability to think clearly was severely impaired, and his poor judgement (for example, thinking that YouTube fame would make up for all of it) is a result of that. While his actions as the “psycho” and his disordered speech are more obvious signs of his instability, consider the hours he put into creating not only a replica of his own body to create believable gore, but also a ghost/zombie of his dead sister.

Josh did not intentionally put anyone in real mortal danger, since he was completely unaware of the Wendigos or any other real threats on the mountain. 

Their group of friends also participated in pranks, presumably before the prank on Hannah and certainly after (see: Chris’s monk costume). Considering the mental state Josh was in, that environment made it easier for him to think of his own prank as reasonable--although it obviously wasn’t.

BUT YES. He did things wrong. That is not something I would ever ignore.

Sexuality

Joshua can be extremely sexually active or completely uninterested in sex. There is very little in between for him. However, he will pretend to always have a heightened interest in sex, as he thinks that’s normal behavior, even when his depression or his medication have all but killed his sex drive. 

If asked (and sometimes even if he’s not asked) Joshua will present himself as straight. He may even come across as slightly homophobic. However, Joshua has had several sexual encounters with men and has previously developed romantic feelings toward men. He also downplays any romantic interest toward women, insisting that he is only interested in them sexually. In truth, he is bisexual and biromantic--he just can’t imagine himself in a long term relationship due to his erratic and difficult personality.

Relationships

(These descriptions are to be used with other characters. For example, if I’m RPing with a Chris, we’ll discuss their backstory first and I’ll favor that instead of my predetermined headcanon. However, if I’m RPing with a Sam, I’ll use the Chris headcanon I have listed here.)

Beth

Josh and Beth were very close. Beth understood that Josh wasn’t the bro-dude tough-guy he pretended to be, and Josh was the person that she could talk to when no one else would listen. When he was struggling hardest with his suicidal thoughts, she bought a matching set of bracelets for both of them to wear so that he could always remember how much he meant to her even when she wasn’t there to say it. He never takes the bracelet off, even after her death.

Hannah

Josh and Beth were both protective of Hannah, because they both considered her to be more sensitive than they were. He and Hannah bonded over their shared interest in sports and she often went to him about her boy problems, because she thought he was more understanding than Beth. In reality, Beth was trying to look out for Hannah to keep her out of bad situations while Josh wanted her to be happy so much that sometimes he’d ignore the potential dangers. 

Parents

Josh’s relationship with his parents is strained. Since his diagnosis of major depressive disorder, he feels like they treated him different. He was sure his mother always favored the twins, but he’d been close with his father before. As he got older, his father began to become impatient with is mental illness, thinking that Josh could just “snap out of it” if he tried hard enough.

After the disappearance of his sisters, his worsening mental health, and him dropping out of college, things have become strained to the point that he and his parents hardly speak. The only thing he and his mother talk about are his sisters, and his father has simply closed him out almost entirely.

Chris

Best friend since third grade, etc. etc. Chris is the friend that Josh was most honest and open with. Chris is the only friend who he ever confided in regarding his depression and his suicidal thoughts. As such, his friendship with Chris was incredibly important to him, and he could become a bit possessive of him. He would become distant and irritable if Chris ever seemed uninterested in spending time with him or more interested in spending time with someone else. For the most part, though, he was a good friend to Chris and was always there to support him.

My default headcanon is that Josh has an unrequited and repressed crush on Chris, which would make it difficult for him for reasons he didn’t quite understand when Chris was romantically/sexually interested in other people. When it became clear to Josh that Chris’s feelings for Ashley were more than just a passing crush, he focused on trying to get them together to avoid his own fears about losing his best friend as a result. 

After the disappearance of his sisters, he felt inadvertently pushed Chris away because he was sure that Chris wouldn’t want to be around him when he was being such a “downer”.

My DEFAULT headcanon is that Chris chose Ashley during the “prank” and that the reason for that part of the prank was to see for sure if Chris would choose her over him.

Sam

Josh has complex feelings toward Sam. He is attracted to her and is fairly sure he could fall in love with her. However, he never pursued a relationship with her for a few reasons. First, she was best friends with his sisters, and he was afraid that if things went wrong between him and Sam, his sisters would be upset with him. Second, he was terrified of developing real feelings for her, because he was sure she wouldn’t like who he really was if he let her in.

After the disappearance of his sisters, he became closer with Sam because he felt that she was the only one who understood. However, he slowly started to become convinced that Sam hadn’t cared about his sisters as much as she claimed. In canon, this (unfair) belief is reflected in his reaction when Sam doesn’t understand how scoring works in tennis, despite tennis having been a big part of Hannah’s life.

Mike

Their friendship has always been fairly shallow. They get along due to some similar interests, but they don’t know each other particularly well aside from that. Josh is jealous of Mike’s perceived masculinity and attractiveness, and he can sometimes be “playfully” competitive with him in a way that sometimes becomes too serious.

Josh was aware of Hannah’s crush on Mike, and he was the one who made sure he came to Blackwood because of how much she wanted him to be there. After the disappearance of his sisters, he felt intense guilt about having a hand in encouraging Hannah’s crush on Mike and passing out drunk instead of making sure nothing bad happened to his sisters during the party.

Other Friends

Like his friendship with Mike, most of his relationships are fairly shallow. He hides his problems from his friends. He likes to keep his personality very “on” so that he’s generally likable. He’d hate anyone finding out about his depression, and usually masks it with an over-the-top sense of humor and sometimes aggressiveness. He very, very much wants to be seen as a regular guy, and strives toward that.

If there’s anything else you guys want to know, hmu.