#I mm literally the luckiest man alive I think | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

majimemegoro · 2 years ago

Text

[a few years after Kadokura Kenshi’s favorite murderer gets eaten by a bear, a chance encounter throws Kadokura into the path of Katya: @skygayzer‘s OC, a teenager with a troubled history and a scary amount of potential. With emphasis on “scary.” Over a few months Kadokura takes her under his wing and trains her to become one of Japan’s most impressive assassins. In this AU, Sagawa—an old friend of Kadokura’s—is still alive in the mid-2000s. @skygayzer and I imagined and co-wrote this series of scenes where Kadokura visits Sotenbori to shows off Katya and her skills]

“It’s like… it’s like…” Kadokura pressed both hands to his mouth, thinking hard, trying to figure out what exactly it was like. “It’s like god is finally rewarding me,” he said at last.

Sagawa looked at him. “Okay,” he said. “I’m really not sure how to respond to that. That’s a pretty unhinged thing to say, even for you. Are you, like, medicated right now?”

Scowling, Kadokura sat up straighter. “What?”

“It just seems like maybe you should be medicated or something. I think you’re suffering from delusions of grandeur.”

“‘Suffering’? If I was, it wouldn’t be suffering. And no, there’s no ‘delusion’ about it,” Kadokura said smoothly, leaning back and crossing one leg over the other. “I’m the luckiest man on the planet! I’m telling you, Sagawa, if you could see the shit she can do with just a knife-“

Sagawa held up a hand and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m going to stop you right there,” he said. “Your expression is scary as fuck and you know we don’t share these tastes.”

“Mm. I’ll never understand you. Elbow deep in blood, and you don’t even have the guts to enjoy it a little.”

“I like having power over people,” Sagawa said. “I’ll tolerate the gore. That’s it.”

“Yeah… weird as hell,” Kadokura mused.

“So anyway,” Sagawa said, “You’re excited about this new person, that’s it? I haven’t seen you this peppy since-“

“Don’t bring it up,” Kadokura growled. “I know the Arase thing was a failure. I’m allowed to misjudge someone once every ten years, aren’t I?”

“…Sure you are, bud,” Sagawa said. “Sure you are.”

“Well, as I was saying, she weighs 180 and is 6'7″ when she isn’t slumping, but she does slump, and in case you aren’t good at conceptualizing how those dimensions would look in real life, she’s freakishly tall. Like freakishly fucking tall. And so with the whole slumping thing and her long arms and her expression, she literally looks like some kind of yokai. I kid you not. I nearly shit myself when I turned around and saw her behind me for the first time. Fucking-“ He broke off, shuddering, a memory of horror and delight.

“Sounds great,” Sagawa said sarcastically.

“Yeah. Yeah. I don’t know. I think I should sic her on people I don’t like and get video footage of it. I mean, I still love snipers more than anything, but… there’s no fear, with a good sniper performance, you know? It’s just, the target going about their day and then boom, headshot, and it’s over. And, fuck, don’t get me wrong, I love that-“ he squirmed in his chair “-but sometimes, sometimes, what you need is to look in their eyes and see them die a little before they die. That’s what I love about fear. It’s like death, but longer.” Kadokura paused, catching his breath.

“Every day I wonder why I’m still alive when I spend so much time with a nut job like you,” Sagawa said.

“You keep me grounded, darling,” Kadokura said. “You remind me that it isn’t socially acceptable to talk about this stuff elsewhere.”

Sagawa scoffed. “You wouldn’t forget.”

“Anyway. Got anyone in Sotenbori who needs terrorizing? I wouldn’t mind giving my new pet project a little field trip.”

“Do you mean terrorizing, or killing?”

Kadokura laughed. “Both, maybe! Terrorize one guy, then kill him, then terrorize everyone else in the goddamn city by proxy when they find the body! Ooh, maybe we could even leak some grainy footage of Katya at work-“

“First name basis, Kadokura?”

“She’s the best friend I’ve ever had.” Kadokura watched Sagawa patiently, waiting for a reaction.

Sagawa threw up his hands. “Oh good! Maybe she can be your new babysitter too."

Kadokura let out a dramatic sigh, clasping his hands and pouting.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic. You'll always be my first!" He grinned, making Sagawa's face twist with a mix of disgust and annoyance.

"Ha ha." He mocks. He then leans a bit forward, his hands on his knees.

"Tell you what, I'll bite. We've been having problems with a group. despite not being professional, they rely heavily on numbers." Sagawa starts.

"It usually wouldn't be a problem, but we kill one guy and three more pop out. Like fucking roaches."

Kadokura tapped his finger on his chin, listening intently.

"So, if this new 'pet project' is as good as you say she is, then maybe she can help me out." Sagawa finishes, reaching into his pocket for a smoke. But even quicker Kadokura holds one up to his face, smiling.

"I think it'll be just perfect for her." Kadokura is practically beaming, as Sagawa takes his cigarette.

***

Sagawa stands between two buildings in a dark alleyway, a smoke in hand as he looks at his watch.

He mumbles to himself, before hearing footsteps approach him.

"Sorry, got a bit delayed." Kadokura says as he approaches him.

Sagawa lets out a huff of smoke. "It's not like you to be late."

"I know, I know, but we're here now."

"We're?-"

Sagawa suddenly feels an arm lock around his neck and his feet are lifted off the ground. He feels something pointy and cold prick his neck.

"Woah, Katya!" Kadokura can't help but laugh at Sagawa's petrified expression. "He's with us!"

Sagawa can barely make out his assailant, only seeing long red hair surrounding his vision. He is dropped to the ground, almost falling to his knees.

"What the hell?" He grabs at his throat, feeling a slight drip of blood.

Kadokura patted his shoulder, still chuckling to himself.

"Sagawa, meet my new pride and joy."

He gestures to the girl.

Everything Kadokura said about her is in fact true, she almost didn't look human, her long messy hair almost covered her face, an eye peeking at him.

Her large boney hands held a butterfly knife, the one she attempted to kill him with.

"Shit, you weren't kidding.." Sagawa says, still trying to regain his composure.

“I never exaggerate,” Kadokura said. “Now calm down, you big baby. Who has to take care of who now?

Not deigning to respond, Sagawa fished a tissue out of his pocket and wiped away the streak of blood on his hand and neck. “You know,” he said icily, taking a few steps away so Kadokura was somewhat between him and that thing, “Some breeds of dog are dangerous and difficult to deal with, and should only be trained by experienced, responsible handlers.”

Kadokura looked at him innocently, hands folded neatly behind his back.

“Whatever,” Sagawa muttered. “But I’m warning you, keep me off your shit list. You keep a tight leash on her around me!”

“You’re being a bit rude,” Kadokura said, voice mild. “Aren’t you going to introduce yourself?”

Grudgingly Sagawa turned his attention back to the figure still looming over the alley. “Hi,” he said shortly. “I’m Sagawa.”

“Katya,” Kadokura directed, “Why don’t you introduce yourself like we practiced?”

Katya was quiet for a good minute, she still stared at Sagawa. Her face switches from expressionless to an almost exaggerated smile, tilting her head to the side as she says. "Hiya, Sagawa-san."

Despite her smile, Sagawa only felt more threatened. “I… really hope that’s not actually how you practiced that,” he said, glancing at Kadokura.

Kadokura was doubled over in laughter. ‘Not - quite!” he managed to choke out. “Katya, we’ll have to keep working on that if you want to make it in polite society!”

Sagawa wanted to be sour, but somehow there was actually something bittersweet about seeing Kadokura enjoying himself so thoroughly, without a hint of irony or nastiness. He used to be like this all the time, didn’t he? Sagawa had almost forgotten. Sure, Kadokura had always been a total psycho, but somewhere along the line he’d gotten colder and meaner. Not that he wasn’t still having fun at the expense of Sagawa’s terror, though. There was a nastiness inherent in the things that amused Kadokura.

“Okay, boss,” Kadokura said, cutting into Sagawa’s thoughts. “Why don’t we get to work? I’ve talked you up a lot, so I’m sure Katya’s eager to prove her skills to you. What’s the game plan?”

"Right, follow me." Sagawa said, eager to get the job done quickly. They both followed him up through the stairs from outside of the building, finally when they reached the top Sagawa pointed to a building across from it.

It was a five story building, light on in certain windows, showing shadows of the people who walked by.

"Here's the plan," he said. "You claim she's pretty unstoppable, yeah? She goes in, and kills every single one of the guys in there.. every. Single. one."

He raised a finger and waved it as he spoke.

"I'll be sitting up here."

Sagawa then pulled out a rifle, a click from it as he checked his ammo. "Making sure you don't miss any."

Kadokura looked at Katya, giving his usual relaxed smile.

"Alright, You ready?" He asked. Katya sniffed loudly, her nose seemed a bit stuffy.

"Yup." She said, walking towards the back from where they came.

“Hey, wait up a second-” Kadokura called out, and Katya half-turned. “Katya, remember, we’re trying to scare them. So go ham, okay? But I say leave a few survivors. Say, three or four. Enough so no one can doubt the story is true.”

“I’ll leave a few alive,” she said. “But no one who wasn’t there is going to believe them.” With that she turned around and walked away.

Kadokura smiled mistily. “That’s my girl,” he said.

“Hmph.” Sagawa checked the safety on his gun. “She can’t be that good.”

“You’ll see,” Kadokura said. “You’ll see.” With that he turned to Sagawa, eyeing the rifle. “What am I here for?” he asked. “Just to look pretty? Don’t tell me I don’t get to have any fun.”

“You can have fun watching,” Sagawa said pointedly as he set up the stand against the window sill. “I’m a better shot than you at this distance.”

Huffing, Kadokura crossed his arms. “Come up to Sapporo some time and we can have a proper contest. I don’t think you’re that much better. Besides, I bet you’ve got complacent. All these years with people just doing whatever you say. When’s the last time you were a sniper?”

“Says the businessman,” Sagawa scoffed.

Kadokura reached into his breast pocket. Sagawa flinched. Smiling, Kadokura brandished a pair of binoculars. “Getting paranoid, old man,” Kadokura said. “I’ve said it before, I wouldn’t suddenly shoot you.” He put the binoculars up to his face, eagerly scanning the building for signs of Katya. “I’d kill you with a knife. For sure,” he added quietly, like an afterthought. Sagawa rolled his eyes and hunched down so he could view the scope, keeping his finger ready on the trigger.

Some time passed and it seemed things were getting quiet, Sagawa and Kadokura both remained silent and still, waiting for any indication that she was in.

They could thankfully see through the lot windows, as the building didn't have any curtains.

Typical amateurs.

Suddenly, a random shriek is heard before it is cut off.

Kadokura desperately tries to locate it

Almost immediately the loud gunshots ring throughout the building, bright flashes coming through the windows.

"There she goes." Kadokura whispered as he saw two men pointing their pistols and shooting.

Something runs fast as both Kadokura and Sagawa get a view of a hand grabbing one's neck and gutting a knife through his neck.

Blood spurts onto the window, causing Kadokura to click his tongue.

"Can't see now." He grumbled, but thankfully it doesn't last long as the other man ran.

More shots were heard followed by more screams of pain and fear. Sagawa kept himself still.

Through another window they see Katya covered in red as it looks like she suddenly climbs the back wall.

"What the hell?" Sagawa said. Kadokura grins, letting out a noise of approval. "Just wait."

They see another man come through looking around aiming a shotgun, his eyes wide.

He is quickly grabbed from uptop, only his feet seem kicking while the others start to shoot at her. The man goes limp and is dropped to the floor, then Katya pounces on another man, gouging her knife once again into a jugular.

"Holy shit." Sagawa stares, his mouth hung open.

“Sagawa,” Kadokura barked suddenly. “Escapee on the ground floor, 10 o’clock.”

Following Kadokura’s direction, Sagawa turned his rifle. Cursing, he stood up so he could angle the rifle downward. He fired, and the man collapsed to his knees, hands flying to the blood pouring from his throat as he choked.

“Ooh, neck shot,” Kadokura commented, binoculars pressed to his eyes and pointed down so he could see the struggle in detail. “You feeling mean, Sagawa-chan?”

Sagawa took a second shot and the man fell down, dead from a bullet to the head. Kadokura quickly turned his attention back to the upper story windows where Katya was at work. “Hat up, darling,” he directed Sagawa. “If they have any counter-snipes, they’ll have clocked your position.”

“Are you using jargon at me?” Sagawa quipped. But nevertheless he crouched down and moved a few windows down. “They won’t have fucking snipers,” he added after he was set up anew. “Their only power is in numbers; they’re total amateurs.”

Kadokura just hummed, shuffling along to be beside Sagawa once more.

Inside the building, at least on the floor where Katya currently was, the drumbeat of gunfire was actually dying down; fewer people left, and less ammo. As they watched, Katya dodged two bullets and scurried forward, so low that at one point her hands touched the ground as though she were a four-legged beast. When she reached the next man, she leaped up and kicked the gun out of his hand and then grabbed his face with one wiry hand.

All at once Kadokura stood up and, holding onto the sill, leaned his entire torso out of the window as far as he could. “Kat!” he yelled at top volume. “Do the neck-snap thing!”

“You idiot!” Sagawa yelled, grabbing the back of Kadokura’s suit and yanking him back in before he fell. “What are you thinking?!”

“Whoops,” Kadokura said, laughing breathlessly. “That was a bit close, wasn’t it? Shit, shit, I hope she heard me.” He glued the binoculars to his eyes. Sagawa looked, too.

Katya was no longer there, having moved onto the next prey. But the man did lay on the ground, his head turned at an uncomfortable angle.

"Damn!" Kadokura hissed. "Missed it."

"She moves fast huh?" Sagawa added, walking back to his rifle.

"Sometimes a bit too fast."

Kadokura once again searches for Katya, but she seems to be speeding through.

Time seems to move fast, Katya continues her killing spree as Sagawa keeps an eye out for any more escapees.

But eventually, it got quiet. No more gun shots, no more screams.

Sagawa finally stood up straight, looking around the building to see if he saw any movement.

"It's too quiet."

"That just means she did her job."

Sagawa heard Kadokura's voice from behind him, a hand patting his shoulder.

He pointed, making Sagawa look back towards the building.

The tall figure stood in one of the windows, covered in blood. She tapped the window, sending the signal that the building was clear.

"Let's go give her a final grade."

Kadokura grinned, exiting the building and stowing his binoculars. Sagawa stared at her, before finally following him.

“How much time do we have before cops show?” Kadokura queried over his shoulder as they rushed down the stairs.

“Honestly? The cops around here will be glad that these guys are gone. They’ve been a thorn in the side of law enforcement, too. The police know that things are more stable when the Omi aren’t challenged. I think law enforcement will turn a blind eye. I bet we’ve got at least ten minutes. We should get out by then, though.”

“Plenty of time for the grand tour!” Kadokura announced, going even faster. “And I need to ransack any security footage they might have. I need a record of this.”

Reaching the ground floor, they hurried across the street to the site of the massacre. Kadokura stepped right overtop of the body of the man Sagawa had shot. Upon entering the building, it was as if there had been a whole war. Bodies laid in puddles of blood, smears and splatters of red on the ground and walls.

Sagawa let out an impressed whistle.

"I'll be damned."

They continued to the top floor, where they found Katya. A man was whimpering as she hunched over him, her hands in her pockets.

She looks up at the two older men and smiles.

"Oh, goodness. Only one." Kadokura whining.

Katya straightened her back, her face still relaxed.

"Sorry, the last two put up too much of a fight." She said, nodding to one of the corners.

They looked over to see that she had left a man sitting on an office chair, his stomach ripped open. Sagawa crinkled his nose in disgust, staring at the organs pouring out of him.

“Um, how did I miss this too?” Kadokura said, also staring at the organs, but apparently annoyed not to have experienced in more detail how they came to be removed from the abdominal cavity.

Sagawa pinched the bridge of his nose. As if Kadokura’s personality wasn’t enough of a headache, the room stank, the coppery smell of blood thick in the air. Neither Kadokura nor Katya seemed remotely bothered.

“A+,” Sagawa said. “Kadokura, you were right. Your new project is a nightmare made flesh. So, yeah. A+, if your goal was to make me finally go to therapy.”

Kadokura wasn’t listening. He was in the corner opposite the office chair guy, nudging the other twisted body with one expensive leather shoe. “What did you do to his shoulders?” Kadokura asked, crouching down. “They’re dislocated, but I’ve never seen-”

“I twisted them around twice,” Katya said.

Kadokura’s head snapped up to look at her. “Twice…” he echoed, an expression of pure adoration on his face.

Sagawa didn’t like that expression. He’d put up with and rode out Kadokura’s obsessions before, but something seemed different this time, like the power imbalance had shifted towards the center: like Kadokura didn’t have as much total control over the relationship, as much narcissistic distance from it, as before. Something to keep an eye on, anyway.

Standing up, Kadokura pulled out a handkerchief and held it out to Katya. “Allergies and stuff come back with a vengeance when the adrenalin dies down,” he told her. “Your nose is going to be pouring in a few minutes, mark my words. Oh, and Katya?” He grinned at her. “I concur. A+.”

She silently takes the handkerchief, then blows her nose into it. It's stained with not and blood now.

"Right!" Kadokura clasped his hands together. "I guess it's time for us to grab the security footage and head out, then," he announced, leaving the room. Katya gave the survivor one last glance, before following right behind him.

Sagawa took a second to take in the whole scene, and then he, too, headed for the exit.

By the time he reached the ground floor, Kadokura had already extracted dvds from the security system. “The angles weren’t great,” Kadokura fretted as he stowed the disks in his interior pocket. “But it’s definitely better than nothing. Now let’s get out of here before we have cops breathing down our necks.”

The three quickly melted down the alleyway they’d originally entered from. Once they’d gotten a few blocks away, Kadokura relaxed visibly. “That was pretty nice,” he said. He went to throw his arms around both Katya and Sagawa, but the position was terribly awkward due to the height difference. “Ha!” he said. ‘Never mind.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “What next?’ he asked. “Karaoke? Drinks? Dinner? It’s on me!” In the distance, police sirens sounded.

“Katya must be tired,” Sagawa said quickly. “Kadokura, why don’t you and I grab something to eat at Ashitaba park and do a little postgame?”

“Perfect!” Kadokura said. He was obviously still coasting on the high from witnessing Katya’s cleansweep of the gang headquarters. “Katya, my perfect, wonderful assassin, what are you going to do?”

He and Sagawa looked over. But Katya was gone.

“...She’s shy,” Kadokura said to Sagawa. “Probably went back to my place to hide out.”

“...Shy,” Sagawa echoed, thinking of how she’d greeted him earlier. “Okay, then.”

“I guess she was tired. But never mind! Let’s get some of your famous daikon.”

[they go to the park and get settled]

“So,” Sagawa said. “Kadokura, you know that this thing you have with Katya totally looks like a rebound, right?”

“What?”

“You know… when someone gets dumped by an ex and then they instantly start having an ill-advised fling with someone else to fill the void?”

Kadokura laughed. “I know what a rebound is, Sagawa.” He happily poured himself more sake, and didn’t respond to the overall point.

Okay. Maybe things were already worse than Sagawa thought.

“So, uh, how long has it been since that Sato guy was eaten by a cougar?”

“Bear,” Kadokura corrected.

“Yeah, whatever. How long?”

“Three years, six months, two days. Approximately.” He bit into his daikon with relish.

“Okay,” Sagawa said carefully. “And, like, are you over it?”

“What do you mean?” Kadokura asked, still cheerful, mouth full.

“Are you still upset that he died? Got eaten?”

“No.”

Sagawa pressed his fingers to his mouth. “Okay…” he said. “You were upset when it happened, though, right?”

“No.” Unconcerned, Kadokura took another swig of sake.

Well, this was really not going anywhere. Kadokura wasn’t giving him anything.

“See, that’s funny, Kadokura, because didn’t you cancel all of your meetings for two months and call me up drunk about a hundred times?”

Instead of answering Kadokura grunted and shoved another huge bite of daikon into his mouth. Then he mumbled something unintelligible.

“I can’t understand you when your mouth is that full, champ.”

Swallowing viciously, Kadokura scowled. “Don’t use the pet names on me, Sagawa-chan,” he accused, pointing at him with chopsticks. “And I said that if I recall correctly, I was more often high than drunk.”

“And why was that? Because you were upset that your pet project went and died on you?”

Kadokura shrugged. Okay, Sagawa would take it.

“So, don’t you feel just a teensy bit worried that you’re filling a Sato-shaped void with this new project? Katya?”

“Katya is nothing like Sato at all,” Kadokura said. “She’s twice his height. And as you’ve recently seen, she specializes in close quarters combat, with an emphasis on acrobatics and small blades. And she’s theatrical as all fuck. Genuinely the most entertained I’ve been in my whole life.”

“Right,” Sagawa said. “And my new girlfriend is ten times as hot as my ex.”

“Shit,” Kadokura mumbled, going after his food again. “Good for you, man. I didn’t know you were seeing anyone other than your wife.”

“Oh my god.” Sagawa didn’t know why he put up with this. “Kadokura, I never saw you interact with Sato much, but when I did, you were always professional about it.”

Kadokura’s brow furrowed with dawning suspicion and he made eye contact for the first time. Maybe Sagawa was getting through to him!

“You’re fucked up,” Kadokura said. “You think I’m interested in Katya romantically?”

“No!” Sagawa said. “I know you better than that, I’m not an idiot! But, well, my general point is that… it seems like you might actually care about her. That’s part of what worries me. It’s… out of character.”

Kadokura looked away. “I don’t care about her. But why would that be worrying, anyway?”

“Well… because… look, it seems to me that your thing with Sato worked out because you didn’t really know him at all. You idealized him so much, and projected onto him, but you never really interacted with him-“

Unsteadily Kadokura stood up, making his stool scrape on the ground. “Excuse me?” he said icily. “Wow, I don’t even know which blatant lie I should address first. I knew everything about Sato. I still have all his stats memorized. And psychologically-“

“Okay,” Sagawa said hastily, “Okay, fine, sure! Sure. I’m just saying that when you spend a lot of time with someone, there are more opportunities for them to disappoint you. That’s all.”

“Oh,” Kadokura sneered. “So it’s just some friendly advice. From the guy who definitely knows all about what a healthy friendship looks like.”

Sagawa turned back to his food. He knew from experience that it was a bad idea to interact with Kadokura when he got in this mood. “Okay, Kadokura,” he said. “It was good to see you. Katya was really impressive. I hope we can do this again some time.”

“Katya isn’t going to disappoint me,” Kadokura said through tight lips. “You saw her work. You admitted she was perfect!”

“Yeah, she’s a damn fine assassin. Let’s not talk about it anymore.”

“Okay. Bye.” Kadokura threw a wad of bills down on the table.

As he walked away, he pulled out his cellphone and pressed the speed dial. “Katya,” he said instantly, holding it up to his ear, “Are you back at the apartment?”

She hadn’t picked up yet. He ground his teeth and waited. Sagawa was so annoying. Kadokura didn’t know why he put up with the man. As the phone continued to ring, Kadokura caught sight of an M Store and he went in.

Katya picked up. “What is it?” she said.

“Are you at my apartment?”

“Yeah.”

Kadokura perused the aisles, grabbing a bag of jagariko and a pickle soda, whatever the hell that was. He could hear the sound of the TV on in the background. “What are you watching?” he asked. Then he had a brilliant idea. “Hey, why don’t we go see a movie at the theatre?”

“I don’t want to go out.”

“Ugh! Katya, you haven’t seen anything of Sotenbori! Don’t tell me you want to just sit in front of the TV all night. By the way, do you want anything from M Store? I’ve got some, like, fucked up snacks.” He grabbed some rainbow melon bread and a bottle of Natchan Orange.

“Wowie. That sounds great. But no, I don’t want to go out.”

First he missed the neck snap, and the disembowlment, now this!

“Well,” Kadokura said, shuffling the phone to the other side and clamping it between his ear and shoulder as he juggled his purchases and wallet, “How about we go to a gay club or something? There’s great dancing a few blocks south of where I am.”

“I don’t want to.”

“One sec, Katya.” Kadokura paid for his stuff and rushed out of the M Store, catching sight of a hostess club. “Oh!” he exclaimed. “How about a hostess club? You’ll like that! Tell you what, I’ll head in and you meet me here-“

“I said I don’t want to go out…” She didn’t even sound bothered. Kadokura swallowed down a wave of sickly anger.

“I. Didn’t. Get. To see. The neck snap,” he said through gritted teeth. “And Sagawa was being a creepy bitch to me and now I’m in a bad mood. Is there anything you do feel like doing?”

“Hmm…” Katya said, taking her time thinking about it while Kadokura practically vibrated from frustration. “Well, I guess I sorta feel like staying in and eating some fucked up snacks.”

Expressing great self-control, Kadokura dropped his stuff on the ground, flipped the phone shut, and smoked a cigarette. When he finished, he pulled out his phone again and dialled Katya.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hi. Look, if you’re going to be an insufferable shut-in, can you at least do a favour for me? Can you almost kill me in some surprising way when I get back? I need a rush, I’m in withdrawal after today.”

“Are you joking?”

“You can decide that.” He hung up again, and sighed heavily, and gathered up the snacks from around his feet.

There was a click as he twisted the apartment door open, the smell of popcorn filled the air, and a loud blaring noise of the usual Russian soap opera Katya watches often echoed through the room.

He entered with bags still in hand, and used his shoe to close the door behind him.

As he attempted to take a step forward, he felt arms wrapped around his neck. They pull him off the ground and tighten around his throat, quickly suffocating him. He knew who it was, but as he opened his mouth to speak, Katya's arms tightened.

About a minute passed while he struggled, but finally he was dropped to his knees. He gasped for air, grabbing at his neck, now feeling how sore it was.

"Damn Katya." He wheezed.

Katya walked around him and picked up the grocery bags he dropped, digging into already.

"I just did what you asked." She said, "pickle soda?"

He chuckled as he stood up, adjusting his collar

"That's what I was thinking."

They head to the coffee table, putting down the grocery bags.

Plopping onto the couch, she takes out her knife to pop off the cap of the pickle soda.

Kadokura joins her and lets out a sigh.

Katya gives the soda a smell, scrunching her nose.

"So what, you got into an argument with your boyfriend?"

“Yeah,” Kadokura said, his voice still just slightly hoarse. “The wedding’s off.” He didn’t elaborate. In fact, he was a little annoyed that Katya had brought it up—the delightful head rush from being nearly suffocated had done a lot to help wash away the frustration from the last little while. But Katya just had to go and bring it up again. As if Sagawa’s insulting delusions had contained even a grain of truth.

And now he had a headache on top of everything else. He should have asked Katya to stab him or something instead.

“Brutal,” Katya said. “I wanted to be the flower girl.”

“Flower girls have to wear pretty little dresses, you know, and they’re not allowed to scare anyone. I’m not sure you’re suited for the job.” Kadokura grabbed a handful of popcorn, leaned his head back, and tried to toss a piece into his mouth. It bounced off his nose and onto the floor. “Jokes aside,” he added, “Me and Sagawa have never been anything more than friends with benefits.”

Katya peered at him suspiciously, unsure if he was dragging the joke on longer, or telling the genuine truth. Kadokura grinned at her and then turned his attention back to the TV. “These accents are wack,” he remarked. “What the hell is this? Some weird local dialect?”

“Hubris,” Katya said. “Japanese man thinks he’s fluent enough to judge whether accents sound weird? They’re just talking like cool people, Kadokura.”

Interest piqued, he started muttering the lines under his breath, trying to imitate the cadence.

“Ugh,” Katya said. “I feel like there aren’t that many people in the world who know how much of a nerd you are.”

Kadokura suppressed a cough. It had been awhile since he’d had his trachea abused like that.

Katya hands him the pickle soda. "Here."

Kadokura takes it, and takes a sip.

He immediately starts choking, spitting it out.

"awh." He groans with disgust, Katya just laughs.

She takes it from him and starts to chug it.

"You are really sick." Kadokura grumbles, he stands and walks to the kitchen for a drink of whatever.

"Toast to that."

***

It's an hour into watching the television, that Kadokura notices Katya sleeping sitting up. Her face pressed against her hand as it leaned on the couch arm.

He rubs his eyes, getting annoyed with the flashing lights and loud noises of the program.

He gets up, looking at Katya for a moment.

His face switches back to anger, and he walks into his office. Shutting himself away along with his computer.

[i guess kadokura either gets annoyed about something or for some reason he goes off to his lil office room, then some time passes. You can put anything in here or we can just be like ‘LATER’]

All at once Katya heard a muffled yell of frustration from another room, and then a smashing sound. On alert, she waited for a few seconds, but when no other odd sounds came, she relaxed back into the couch.

After several minutes, Kadokura walked past the doorway to the living room. “I’m going out,” he said shortly. He was wearing his coat.

“Okay.”

“I’ll be back later tonight.” Every word was clipped. His mouth was set in a tight line and his shoulders were tense.

“Wow. You seem stressed. Is there trouble at work?” Katya asked.

“…No,” Kadokura said. “I just need to blow off some steam.”

“Okay,” she said. “Are you going to go out drinking or something?”

“Yeah, or something,” Kadokura said expressionlessly

“Enjoy yourself.” She blew him a kiss and he rolled his eyes, disappearing off to the entranceway.

A second letter Katya heard the faint click of the front door locking. After waiting a few minutes, she carefully rose up and padded down the hall. The door to Kadokura’s office was open, and she poked her head in. His desk and computer looked the same as ever, but the file cabinet beside it had been shoved over, its drawers full of papers hanging crookedly open and documents strewn across the floor.

Katya decided to be even more nosy.

The screen of Kadokura’s computer was still illuminated. Sidestepping the papers on the floor, she crossed the room and sat down in the computer chair. The screen was paused on what looked like grainy security footage. And the date - it was from today.

She recognized the scene. It was the building she’d swept clean (or, rather, bloody) a few hours earlier.

Clicking play, the video showed her covering a man’s face with her hand, and then - the video cut to showing an empty corner of a different room. She rewound the video and played it again. Same thing.

It looked like the cheap security system the gang had in their HQ cycled through the multiple cameras, only keeping a recording from one at a time. And the camera had cut away from the room where Katya was working just as she’d broken that man’s neck.

Poor Kadokura. He was really invested in how she’d perfected that move. She’d have to break it out again some time when he could actually see.

She headed back to the living room and turned the TV back on and opened a bag of [snack]. She watched the end of a soap opera she didn’t know anything about, and then a special on the exotic pet trade, and then she started watching poorly dubbed movie about a cursed boot that crawls out of the sewer to terrorize a city. (Late night TV. Gotta love it.)

Just as the boot was getting ready to take its first victim, she heard the sound of a key in the lock, and turned the volume down.

Kadokura strolled into the room. “You’re still up,” he said. His voice was somehow different from usual; slower and smoother, like his confidence had been boosted to the point where he was alone on the earth, and he wasn’t going to spare a single thought towards putting anyone around him at ease.

“Yeah,” Katya said. “You seem to be feeling better.”

Kadokura just smiled. He crossed the room to the bar and poured some absinthe into a glass, setting a spoon and sugar cube over it. Fetching ice water from the fridge, he dripped it over the sugar, hand steady as a statue.

“Sorry you missed the neck snap,” Katya said.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Katya peered at him suspiciously. He’d made a mess in his room over frustration about the security footage, and now everything was fine? He must have blown off a lot of steam.

The TV switched to commercials. Kadokura came over and sat on the other end of the couch, languidly sipping his drink with all the assurance of a satisfied cat.

Something was off, though.

“What’s that smell?” Katya said, nose wrinkling. Up close, a slightly sour smell clung to Kadokura.

He laughed, and sniffed himself surreptitiously. “Ah. It’s probably - I got in close quarters with one of Sotenbori’s less fortunate residents.”

A homeless person. “What do you mean, close quarters?”

Kadokura took a long draught of absinthe. “Guy wanted to hug me after I gave him money,” he said. “He was probably high. But who am I to deny a little comfort to someone so down on their luck?”

Katya had a hard time picturing a Kadokura hugging a homeless man, but Kadokura regularly surprised her. She shrugged. The TV was advertising a new kind of frozen whipped cream desert.

“That looks good,” Kadokura drawled. “We should get some.”

Katya turned to look at him again. His head was leaning back against the back of the couch, and his half-lidded eyes were trained on the TV. One arm trailed languidly over the arm of the sofa, and the other hand clutched his now half-finished drink.

Actually, she’d seen men in a mood similar to this many times before. In purgatory. The afterglow, after being with Kotone or the others. The only main difference was that Kadokura was dripping not only with satiety but with self-satisfaction, too, like he’d ascended to godhood or knew he was going to.

She wasn’t sure if she was unsettled, or glad for him.

Either way, she figured it was best to just let him be.

"Yeah, we should." Replying to his comment.

#kadokura kenshi #katya #skygayzer #sagawa tsukasa #A Crow's Rise #<- skygayzer's Epic !! which katya is from #katya my beloved #yakuza oc

3 notes · View notes

mangomochi-yn · 4 years ago

Text

unexpected lovers [dazed daydreaming simp]

inarizaki. miya atsumu x reader

g. pure unadulterated fluff

tw. way too ooc ratsumu wc. 1.1k

you stuck my head in the clouds—entangling me, but you made those clouds feel like the most expensive satin sheets i could ever embrace you in

on Atsumu

so, ever since he’s joined MSBY this cocky one actually had solidified in his mind that he was, in fact, “the complete package”

so—naturally—if he was gonna get a partner they had to be the complete package too he thought

honing his carefully thought out sleazy pickup lines conversation starters and perfect heart dropping expressions, Atsumu just now had to wait for the perfect person in his eyes to swoop then them of their feet

and he wasn’t shy to having fun in the process

cause he was so sure that if he saw the one for him—he’d completely change instantly, making that person the luckiest one alive at least in his pov

except way unexpectedly, when the time finally came it wasn’t a person he fell for

it was a moment

funny how the picture perfect Atsumu was entranced by such a mundane moment too

ever since, he couldn’t get it out of his head

he’d lay awake at night thinking of that moment— on a plane his team rode on their way to a game

it was when the person next to him (neck deep into their blanket and snuggled so comfortably) made him feel that he just had to turn off his lamp overhead—wanting them to sleep peacefully throughout the flight

and if it wasn’t the small “mm, thank you..” in their groggy voice that sent Atsumu spiraling deep

it was the mellow “will you wake me up when the food’s ready please? thank you.” and soft snores that really stunned him

samu would never let him hear the end of it if he found out his brother was actually a simp for domesticity

those two soft moments were more than enough to ignite the setter’s inner craving of a love like home

and it didn’t help that he didn’t even remember how the person responsible for playing with his heartstrings looked like

geared with a way too big face mask, eye mask, and even a fluffy neck pillow (another thing that pulled on Atsumu’s heartstrings)

—sadly mystery lover was completely unrecognizable

and worse enough that moment actually was their only real interaction for the whole flight too (considering how it was only a 4hr one and at least 3 of those Atsumu spent indulging in domestic dreams and fuzzy feelings)

((why that person was even so geared up for such a short flight amazed Atsumu—maybe it was a connecting one for you?))

it wasn’t until after landing announcements did Atsumu (who woke up in a frenzy) finally snap out of his domestic dreams—ultimately deciding that he had to act now before he never sees his mystery lover ever again

first attempt: right before you were about to grab your overhead luggage, lightly brushing the boy in the process

but the ever smooth miya—before he knew it—wasted his opportunity as scrambled to help you instead, seeing your frame struggle to grab the carry on

a small “thank you” stunning him yet again so he couldn’t even think of a second attempt until you two were just out the plane, placing your first step into the new country

second attempt: one of those ��conversation starters” he practices oh so much for came into mind—this was the time he waited so long for, right?

wrong.

right before Atsumu taps your shoulder to deliver, thoughts of how the sleazy pickup line would ruin his domestic painting rose

it’d be an ugly splotch to his perfect moments

so eventually—thinking all hope was lost—Atsumu just dejectedly watches as your steps’ pace quicken in contrast to his slower ones on the crowded walkway

he was already reminiscing the perfect moments he fell in love with

except—as if like a glimpse of heaven—he sees you come to a halt, pulling your face mask down, looking back to search the crowd, hand searching for something in your bag

it was the first time he saw your face (and boy would it take a whole 4k page trilogy to describe how he felt when he saw you)

but it was the moment your eyes landed on him was what took the cake

your gaze softening as a small smile graces your face

you didn’t walk back towards him no—instead you opted to wait for him to reach where you were, gaze never breaking

as if you two were lovers waiting on the other

((this broke Atsumu. his little simp-for-domesticity heart quite literally shattered in that exact minute))

luckily, his feet had a mind of their own and didn’t let you wait too long as they brought the lovesick puppy forward

and it was brief yet priceless

the way your smile deepens just the tiniest bit as he approaches, your small crinkle of the eyes as you handed him what you were searching for in your bag

a homemade tuna salad sandwich

(coincidence that Atsumu’s favorite food was fatty tuna? fate thinks not)

the sandwich looked like one of those you’d give a child for school lunch— seeing how it was stored in the perfect sized sandwich bag (and how on earth did you manage to keep it slightly warm despite the plane’s almost freezing temperatures?)

entranced was the word closest to how Atsumu felt as you delicately handed it to him but even that wasn’t enough to describe how completely dazed he got from it

“bye now”

and like a fluttering dream, you walked briskly away again

just before Atsumu could even register what had happened

you were already gone when Atsumu snaps out of it, forcing him to just gaze at the sandwich in hand longingly instead

but as if it couldn’t get any better there it was— written on the napkin in the front of the sandwich

‘good luck on your game miya atsumu’

his ears reddened and he couldn’t help but smile like a maniac, hunching over as giddy feelings showered all over him

but then some worry was on the back of his head again— did he have to chase you to get your number to meet you again?

this time he wasn’t even gonna overthink it—his feet were already ready to sprint before he spares one last glance on the sandwich in his hand, flipping it for good measure

luckily, it seems that you were one step ahead him yet again though

your phone number

—almost too small to see—was hastily written on the backside of the napkin— a stark contrast to the note gracefully written on the other side

immediately his body relaxed and he couldn’t help but cradle the sandwich oh so delicately in his hand

he was back at that entranced daze except by tenfold this time— surely looking like a maniac as he rocked back and forth in his spot— a woozy smile on his face

it was Bokuto’s grip on his shoulder and Sakusa’s disgusted sneer was what brought him back eventually

“Woah, Atsumu, what’s got you so loopy-looking? Motion sickness?” Hinata’s voice cheered behind him

and finally Atsumu’s domesticity simp trance slowly subsides— making way for his familiar cocky personality to build form again

but even then his smile couldn’t help but hold an uncharacteristic fondness in them

he gazes at the sandwich bag in hand again— head a bit clearer but dancing in the same clouds you put him in

“I think I just met wifey”, a jovial chuckle escapes him

and here he thought he would know instantly if and when he found the one for him.

man was he so wrong about that

bonus— domestic simp Atsumu and cocky Atsumu eventually even out once he teases about your side of those fateful moments

a/n. you can’t tell me atsumu doesn’t secretly have a mommy kink... this pisshead just has so much simp potential— i can feel it in my bones

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu miya atsumu #miya atsumu x reader #miya atsumu imagines #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu!!

38 notes · View notes