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almostgenerallyalways · 3 years ago

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A Matter of Record (2/2)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x f/reader

Category: fluff, angst, slow burn Word count: 2.6k (part 2 of 2) (click for part 1) Cw: canon typical violence, military? Author’s note: Thanks to everyone who read part one and liked it! I hadn’t written in so long and it means a lot to me.

Summary: Adjusting to civilian life after the military is a challenge, but your job as an Information Management Specialist at the FBI is the perfect place to land. Out of all the agents you’re assigned to, you soon come to have a favorite - if only you would ever meet in real life.

---

Spencer Reid feels like every time he sets foot in Nebraska is a time too many.

They’ve been here for 48 hours and have made no progress in the investigation. Another man has gone missing and if recent events are any indication, he’s going to end up prone and lifeless in a crop circle within another two days.

Shaking the rain out of his hair, he opens the door to the Weeping Water police station. The town’s name is apt, as it’s been pouring buckets since the BAU arrived. Spencer’s soaked to the bone, and it’s not helping his mood – he’s got to return to the geographical profile and try again, but it feels like trying to squeeze water from a stone – and the stone, unlike everything else in this town, is dry.

As he walks down the hall in search of the team and a cup of the Weeping Water PD’s terribly burnt coffee, his cell phone vibrates in his pocket. He fumbles for it, trying not to drop his dripping windbreaker or the stack of copied maps under his arm. “Hey, Penelope.”

“Hello, sunshine” Penelope greets. Spencer could not feel farther removed from sunshine at the moment, but he supposes he can’t blame Penelope sitting in her windowless office in Quantico for not being sensitive to his circumstances. “Just wanted to let you know your girl in Records sent over the files you requested, and I’ve uploaded them to our server.”

“Not my girl”, Spencer replies automatically, now also balancing a hot coffee and trying to open the door to the conference room.

“I know, and when are you going to do something about that?” Penelope has been on his case about this for months, and he usually ignores her. “Anyway, I highlighted some info that looked interesting – you’ll see. Give me a call when you’ve been through it. Bye babes!”

Setting down his wet possessions on the conference room table, Spencer sighs.

* * *

He’s not sure when it finally dawned on him that he was calling the Records office almost three times as often as before you replaced Guttierez, but he knows the realization came too late. On quieter weeks, with no active cases to work on, sometimes he’d catch himself coming up with reasons to request some file from the archives, just to hear your voice.

It technically wasn’t wasting Bureau resources. He was usually working on a cold case or a side project – he was just researching them extra thoroughly lately.

* * * “There’s no way.” You’d laughed, on the other end of the line, one snowy afternoon in early January.

Spencer loved to make you laugh. He wasn’t sure when that started, either.

“Would I lie to you?” He asked, grinning, somewhat relieved you couldn’t see him.

“Agent Reid”, you’d replied (and he gets called Agent Reid approximately eight hundred times a day, he’s really not sure why, when you do it, it makes him sit up straighter), “I’m pretty sure you could tell me the sky is green and I’d believe you.”

He almost blushed, and turned away from Emily’s desk just to be safe. “Actually, the sky is colorless – it appears blue to the human eye because out of all colors of sunlight, the blue light is scattered most by the gases and particles in the atmosphere.”

For a moment, you didn’t reply, and he’d faltered, thinking he said the wrong thing. But then you’d spoken again, and he could hear the smile in your voice. “My grandma used to say it was the reflection of the ocean. Don’t know where she got stuff like that. She was otherwise really smart, I swear.”

He leaned back, smiling too.

* * *

After ten days in Nebraska, a bad cold, and an unsatisfying resolution to the case ending in the death of both killer and final victim, Spencer is relieved to return to his familiar desk in the bullpen. A few hours creep by, occupied by paperwork and a staff meeting, before he decides now would be a good time to pull some case files for his upcoming lecture on the unreliability of eyewitness testimony.

Downing the last dregs of his cold coffee, he hits the speed dial for your extension.

“Records Management and Retrieval, Stevenson speaking,” a clipped male voice replies.

Spencer frowns. No one else every picks up your line. When you’re out, it’s forwarded to the office’s main number. He asks to speak to you.

“She’s no longer at this office. Can I help you?”

Spencer sits back, perplexed. “What do you mean, she’s no longer at this office?”

“I don’t know, she had to take a leave of absence. I’ve been brought in to replace her. Now, did you need me to run a search?”

“No,” he says, “No, thanks.” and hangs up.

* * * About eight months after you started, he’d overheard Penelope say your name, and he’d perked up involuntarily. Of course she’d noticed.

“I was at a tech seminar with her last week, when you guys were in Dallas.” she’d said, sizing him up like a lion would a gazelle. “You know she’s like, really cute, right?”

“I wouldn’t know,” he’d replied, looking down in a failing attempt to hide the blush creeping up his neck. “I’ve never met her.”

Penelope grinned. * * * Spencer tries to look up your entry in the agency directory, and it’s gone. He tries your email, and it bounces back.

Surely, he thinks, if you were changing jobs, you would’ve told him. So maybe it’s something else. What do people take a leave of absence for?

In the BAU, at least, nothing good.

* * *

About a year ago, after Haley, after everything, he’d been ready to walk away. He’d seen the look on Hotch’s face and wondered why any of them were still here. Whether there was any point to it.

He’d ended up calling you – not deliberately, exactly, his hand had just kind of moved of its own accord, but there you were, on the phone, asking if he was okay. And there you’d stayed, for hours, until he’d started to feel like he might be.

* * *

Penelope finds out you’re gone, and comes to Spencer’s desk demanding an explanation. “Where’d she go? Why didn’t you tell me?!”

It hurts him a little bit to tell the truth. “I don’t know. She didn’t tell me she was planning to leave.” He looks up from his screen. “I guess we weren’t as close as I thought.”

Penelope looks taken aback. “Spencer, that’s nonsense. She asks about you, like, every time we talk. Any time you guys are in the field and she needs to send me stuff, she asks if you’re okay.” A determined look comes over her face, and she adjusts her pink-tinted glasses. “I’m going to get to the bottom of this.”

“Penny, please, don’t.” He lowers his voice, trying to convey he’s serious, trying not to attract anyone else’s attention. “If she’d wanted me to know, I’d know. We were just coworkers, and I can’t just invade her privacy because she left.”

The look on Penelope’s face is doubtful.

* * * He can’t help himself. A month later, when he’s at the FBI headquarters on Pennsylvania Avenue for a hearing, he stops by the records office, telling himself you’re here anyway and you’re only asking out of professional interest.

He recognizes the older woman at the front desk, from the last time he stopped in, but is taken aback when she immediately recognizes him too. “Agent Reid!” she says, “How can I help you?”

He glances over at the nameplate to the side, reading Tina Faraday, Office Manager, and asks about you, a little sheepishly.

She looks at him over her glasses, and if he imagines a glimpse of sympathy in her eyes, it can only be because she’s being much nicer to him than she was on his first visit, when she’d been downright curt. “Yes, she did take a leave of absence.”

“Why? For how long?”

She looks conflicted. “I’m not sure for how long. As for why… I’m sorry, Agent Reid, but if she didn’t tell you, it’s not my place to say.”

He nods, defeated, and hitches his messenger bag back onto his shoulder. “I understand.” He hesitates. “If she happens to get in touch… would you tell her I’d love to hear from her?”

“I will.” Her brow furrows, and Spencer gets the distinct impression that whatever Tina Faraday is about to say is out of character for her: “For what it’s worth, I miss her too.”

* * *

It’s not that Spencer hadn’t wanted to meet you, exactly – he’d just thought he had more time to make up his mind.

After the night he almost quit, you’d suggested coffee, and he’d said yes – and then immediately got in his head about it. What if he didn’t live up to your expectations, or vice versa? What if you met and things just weren’t the same?

Keeping the status quo had seemed safer. * * *

Curiosity had gotten the better of him on only one occasion, a few months later, when he was on his way down from a meeting with an Assistant Director. On a whim, he’d hit the elevator button for the 4th floor. When he got to Records and found you absent, he’d been relieved and disappointed in equal measures.

* * * Summer is approaching, bringing with it the DC humidity, when he finally cracks.

He slinks into Penelope’s office, and from the self-satisfied look on her face he can guess she already knows what he’s come to ask, but she’s too excited to rub it in. He sits down across from her and pulls a face: she wins.

“So, can you find her? No hacking government databases, no blatant invasions of privacy. Just, like, through the social media or something.”

Penelope pouts, clearly not pleased with these arbitrary constraints on her detective powers. “You think I haven’t tried that? She’s not on Facebook or anything.”

He thinks for a second, then writes something down for her. “Try her middle name. She told me.”

A few quick taps and Penelope clasps her hands. “That’s totally her!”

She starts to turn the screen towards him, but he stops her. “Does it say where she is? Is there… is there a way to contact her?”

She frowns. “Her profile is pretty locked down.” She taps a button and grins. “But no worries, I’ve already sent her a friend request.”

* * *

They’re about to board the jet to return home from Fort Lauderdale, when Penelope texts: When you get back, can you stick around until 8? I’ll explain. xoxoxo

The entire plane ride, he can’t focus. He keeps reading the same paragraph of his book over and over until he eventually closes it.

They get held up at the airfield and he barely makes it back to Quantico by 8 PM. As he rounds the corner into the bullpen, he’s barely set his bag down before Penelope grabs him by the arm. “Finally! Get over here.”

He’s unceremoniously deposited into her chair (she never lets anyone sit in this chair, he notes in the back of his mind), and before he registers what’s happening, Penelope’s computer is emanating an unfamiliar ringtone.

An image springs onto the screen, and there you are.

* * * “Hey, Spencer”, you say.

And your voice, your voice is so familiar to him, even if your face is not.

Your beautiful face. You look nothing like he’d expected you to, and totally right at once.

It dawns on him that he is taking too long to reply, and he squeaks out, “Hey.”

You smile. “I hope you don’t mind. Penelope friended me on Facebook, and I asked if she could put me in touch with you.”

Spencer could kiss Penelope. “I don’t mind. In fact, I’ve been wanting to talk to you since you left.”

The picture is a little grainy, but he can still see your face light up, then fall. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I had to leave on very short notice, then there were a million things to do before I left. I think you guys were in Nebraska, and…” You trail off. “I guess I would have felt weird, calling you out of the blue to tell you my unit was being called up. To tell you the truth, I was having a hard time dealing with the news myself.”

Your unit. For the first time he takes in the ambient noise, the cinderblock wall behind you, your standard-issue looking crewneck sweatshirt. “Oh my God. You got deployed.”

You tuck your hair behind your ear, a nervous gesture. “We did, yeah, near Kabul. It’s not that common for the Guard, but there was a reserve call-up. I hadn’t really been looking to come back here, but I couldn’t refuse, you know?”

Spencer knows, a little too well.

* * * You and Spencer talk for the better part of an hour, until you say “I have to go soon, it’s 6:15 in the morning here. My day’s about to start.”

To his surprise, he finds he has a lump in his throat. To his greater surprise, it seems like you are holding back tears too, though you have the biggest smile on your face.

For a moment, neither of you say anything. Then you blurt out: “I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you.” You let out a laugh. “Is that weird? Until an hour ago, I didn’t even know what you looked like.”

He laughs, too emotionally exhausted to be self-conscious. “I missed you so much. Your replacement’s terrible, by the way. I need you to come back.”

* * *

He walks back into the bullpen to find Penelope fast asleep on Morgan’s desk in a way that will surely make her neck hurt tomorrow. A sudden flood of fondness and gratitude washes over him, and he gently shakes her awake.

“Penelope. Can you help me set up my own Skype account?”

He’s going to need it a lot over the next 4 months.

* * *

For weeks you have been living towards this day, the second Friday of September. When your CO announced it, it seemed at once terrifyingly close and years away. Now it’s here.

You are a nervous ball of energy. Throughout the entire 18-hour journey, you have not been able to sleep. You are wired. You are exhausted.

On the C130 into Oman, you were dazed. On the charter flight to DCA, you’ve been cycling between naked relief and apprehension.

The wheels touch down, and your stomach flips. As soon as the fasten seatbelt sign blinks off, you are up out of your seat.

For a second, you feel self-conscious about your leggings and sweatshirt, then decide you’re being ridiculous and hoist your duffel bag over your shoulder.

The walk down the skybridge and through the arrivals gate has your heart pounding in your throat, but then you exit through the double security door, and then –

* * *

Spencer Reid is hoisting you in the air before he realizes what he’s doing, and kissing you through a haze of tears streaming down your face. You throw your head back, laughing, and it’s chaotic, and perfect. He is perfect. People are staring.

He finally puts you down and says: “I should have known you were short. You give off that energy.”

You pull him down by the lapel of his coat to kiss him again, and reply: “Enough talk, Agent Reid. Let’s go home.”

The crisp fall air has never smelled so good.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanart #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid x reader #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds #spencer reid x fem!reader

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buckstaposition · 4 years ago

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Don’t wanna miss a thing

Birthday song challenge for @din-damn-djarin (prompt 37)

Marcus Moreno x widowed f!reader, Missy Moreno & reader

1999 words

summary & warnings: Just days before your wedding to Marcus, your emotions are going a bit haywire. Starts angsty but turns fluffy I promise! Themes of loss and grief, loss of a spouse/family member

Sobbing in the bathtub a couple of days before your wedding was not where you thought this evening was going, but here you were. Bawling your eyes out. You had just meant to take a quick shower to freshen up before bed, as your day had been mostly filled with last minute preparations and you were sweaty from hauling around decorations. Maybe not hiring a wedding planner had been a mistake, in more ways than one.

“Honey? You in there?” Marcus’ voice sounded after a hesitant knock on the bathroom door. You knew you should answer him, but you just didn’t have the strength to at this moment.

“Sweetheart?” He tried again, and you could hear the worry in his tone and it only made you feel worse.

“I’m coming in.” Marcus warned after another two minutes or so. It was endearing how considerate he was of your privacy even though you’d told him it was okay to come into the bathroom with you on numerous occasions. If you really didn’t want anyone to come in you’d lock the door and he was the man you were going to marry in less than 48 hours.

The door creaked open and Marcus padded across the bathmat, slowly pulling aside the shower curtain.

“Darling?” Hesitantly, he reached out his hand to you, gently nudging your shoulder. Still sobbing, you gripped it and held it to your face, kissing his palm between tears and hoping he’d understand. Even if you didn’t.

“Is this about Sean?” He asked softly, thumb caressing your cheekbone. You nodded. Marcus sighed; he hated seeing you upset. Just like Sean had. Marcus nudged your chin up and pressed a kiss to your forehead, not caring that the water got on his glasses.

“If you want to be alone for a bit longer that’s alright, but please let me get you out of the shower? You’re shivering.”

It was true enough. The water had gone cold a while ago and now, taking stock of your body you realized you were freezing. You nodded and let Marcus help you up and wrap you in the big fluffy towels he’d bought the two of you as a house-warming gift when you’d moved in together. You leaned on him as he dried you off, suddenly exhausted from your outburst of emotion. You let him help you dress yourself in your fluffiest pyjamas, the shivers slowly subsiding when he pulled your extra fluffy socks onto your feet.

“Okay?” He asked, kneeling on the ground between your feet while you were sitting on your shared bed. You nodded absently, catching his hand and bringing it up to your face. The tears had stopped but the deep sadness lingered.

“Please stay?” You whispered. He kissed your knee, then your free hand.

“I’ll just tell Missy good night, okay?”

A noise from the hallway drew your attention. Missy stood in the doorframe like summoned, and your heart broke at her anxious expression.

“Hey bunny.” You tried to smile, but it didn’t quiet reach your eyes. Missy looked between you and Marcus in concern, her lip starting to quiver.

“Bunny, what is it?” You patted the space next to you, inviting her to sit. After a look at her father, she rushed over, instantly wrapping her arms around you. You exchanged a worried glance with Marcus, and he rose to sit down at his daughter’s other side.

“What’s wrong, bunny? You know you can tell me.” You coaxed again, your own undefined sorrows forgotten in face of her obvious anguish.

“Diyouchangeyourmindaboutthewedding?” It rushed out of her in one breath and she clung to you harder. You hugged her back, squeezing her smaller frame tightly and caressing her hair.

“Oh sweetie, no! Why would you think that?”

“Cuz I heard you crying and-“ she hiccupped a sob into your shoulder, her voice small when she continued. “Please don’t leave us!”

“Oh bunny!” Your own eyes were starting to water again. “I won’t! I won’t ever leave you! You two are my whole world!”

You squeeze her tightly to you, feel Marcus’ arms enveloping you both and look up briefly to see how he’s doing with all this. The look on his face is heart-breaking, and you lean over quickly to press a reassuring kiss to his lips.

“Then why are you so upset?” Missy sniffled. You sighed and ordered your thoughts, mad at yourself for causing anguish to this girl you’ve grown to love so much.

“It’s sort of a silly thing really.” You began. “You know how I was married before?”

“Yeah.” You’d taken her to see his grave once, just like Marcus and Missy had taken you to meet the previous Mrs Moreno. It felt only right. “You still miss him?”

“Yes. Yes, I do. I always will, but that’s not what made me cry. It was… I feel guilty for being so happy, with you two. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah…no… I don’t know.” Missy scrunched up her nose in thought. She was a smart girl, very mature for her age, but in the end she was still only a twelve-year-old girl.

“You see, when you lose someone you love very much, that grief never really goes away. Like you still miss your mom, right?”

“Every day.” She sniffled a bit less now, and looked up at her father, who nodded silently. “But I’d miss you, too!”

“I know, bunny.” You kissed her forehead, wanting to soothe her. “You won’t ever have to choose between us. Your mom is your mom and that will never change.”

“I don’t want to have to choose.” Missy whispered, wiping her tears away. “But I still want her back.”

“I know, bunny, I know. I want my husband back all the time, too.” You exchanged another glance with Marcus, glad to see that he understood and let you take the lead in this discussion. It warmed your heart to know how unconditionally he trusted you with his daughter. “It’s so unfair, isn’t it? It makes me so angry sometimes that it happened to me.”

“It does?” Missy’s eyes went wide. She turned to her father to confirm and he nodded, mouthing a soft ‘yeah, me too’ to her.

“The point is, it’s okay to feel all these conflicting things. And sometimes they might overwhelm you, like they did me today, and that’s okay too because I have people who are there for me when that happens.”

“You know you can always talk to me, us, about anything. Or grandma. Or your friends.” Marcus hugged her close and wiped away her tears, like he had yours earlier. “And if that’s not enough we will do anything to help you, okay?”

“Okay.” Missy smiled a watery smile, snuggling into her dad while holding your hand close. The three of you huddled together for a few minutes, giving everyone the chance to settle. Missy, being a kid, bounced back fastest.

“Can we have a movie night?” She looked at you both with the big puppy eyes she had inherited from her father and perfected over the course of her young life. You didn’t even need to look at Marcus to know the answer.

“And what movie were you thinking?”

“Mulan!”

“Okay, you prep the TV, I’ll get on the popcorn.” Marcus prompted, motioning for her to go ahead downstairs. She was out of the room with the speed of lightning.

“You sure that kid doesn’t have any powers? Super speed maybe?”

“Positive. You okay, honey?” He cupped your cheek and looked deep into your eyes, gaze searching.

“Positive. This actually really helped.” You smiled and leaned in for a small kiss. “So, I think we’re not too bad at this parenting thing, huh?”

“Are you kidding? You’re amazing at it!” Marcus hugged you close, kissing your forehead and then your cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

---

The reception was in full swing and everyone was enjoying themselves. There had been no mishaps save for the kind that would make for funny stories later and the cake was almost gone. Almost being the operative word. You were in your seat, relieved to be sitting down for a while and re-braiding Missy’s hair where the decorative ribbons and flowers had come loose during the day. Marcus was weaving his way through the guests back to your table, grinning triumphantly.

“Swiped the last slice of cake while Colin wasn’t looking.” You looked behind him to see Miracle Guy frowning at the now empty cake stand.

“Oh darling, you shouldn’t have!” You protested insincerely. It was your wedding after all. You felt you were entitled to some cake.

“He’s already had two!” Marcus put the plate down in front of you and produced some clean cutlery from his pocket. “Besides, anything for my girls.”

“Awww, you’re the best husband and dad!” You pulled him in by his bowtie to press a kiss to his lips.

“Gross.” Missy commented, snatching up one of the small fancy forks and starting to dig in. The two of you paid her no mind, too engrossed in your new marital bliss. You took turns feeding each other cake in between kisses and whispering sweet things, but really Missy got most of it. You didn’t even notice the band switching to a new song. Or the announcement they had made just before that, apparently. At least not until Anita planted herself right in front of your table and brought her cane down hard on the ground.

“You two! Stop canoodling! It’s time for your dance!”

“Mom!” Marcus whined, mostly for show as he was already pulling his tux jacket back on in the same motion, then holding his hand out to you. “May I have this dance, Mrs Moreno?”

“Gladly, Mr Moreno.” You smiled and rose, letting him lead you to the middle of the dancefloor. The band had been stuck playing an intro to your chosen song for several long moments now and launched into it one last time as you took your positions. Aerosmith – I don’t wanna miss a thing. Your song. Marcus took your hand, smiling softly, and when the vocalists started so did you, twirling around the dancefloor. You felt like you were floating, a moment of near perfect happiness.

“I love you so much.” You mouthed to Marcus as he led you across the dancefloor, his hand warm at your waist. He smiled, spun you out and then reeled you back in, closer this time to press a kiss to your temple.

“I love you.” The song ended and you paused for a moment to receive the applause from your guests. The band faded into another song and people started filling the floor around you while you swayed in place for a moment.

“You know, there’s only one thing missing.”

Marcus’s brow furrowed. “What’s that?”

You nodded towards the table where Missy was still sitting, chin in her hands and looking out towards the dancefloor, a picture both wistful and yet a little forlorn. You waved to get her attention, then motioned for her to join you two once that was accomplished. She started, her brow furrowing in the exact same adorable way as her father, then stood hesitantly.

“Come on, bunny!” You called, letting go of Marcus just enough to make space for her. Her whole face lit up and she came running over, long hair swooshing after her. She all but crashed into the two of you, throwing one arm around your waist and the other around Marcus.

“Wanna dance?” You smiled at her, drawing her as close as the volume of your skirt allowed for a little side hug.

“Yes!” She exclaimed, already starting to sway to the music. Marcus surreptitiously wiped at his eyes before hugging the both of you close. It took you all a moment to adjust your footing, but you managed it soon enough. This was truly, absolutely perfect. You could stay lost in this moment forever.

- - -

author’s note: I started this whole thing over like five times, with different concepts and characters, and somehow landed on this. It turned more into bonding with Missy than the pairing, but hey. Hope you’ll still enjoy it.

and yes, I named Miracle Guy Colin. He just looks like a Colin to me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#my writing #we can be heroes (film)#marcus moreno x reader #oneshot #prompt

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aspocko · 2 years ago

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(cw death, but chill about it)

today i learned the word “cremains”.

the night before my grandma died last august, i went to get a covid test. i’d had a headache that lasted the whole day, which was abnormal for me. while the headache was mild, i considered the fact that i had been in and out of the hospital every day that week to visit my grandma, whose troublesome heart was giving her trouble yet again (the final kind of trouble, this time). while I wore a KN95 mask, I removed it to eat and drink. i was and still am very paranoid about the plague, and while my sister (who had flown in to see my grandma, was staying with me) told me it was probably just the stress of having to watch my grandmother decline, i still went to get tested.

the next day, we went back to the hospital. we wore our masks. we sat with my grandma. her doctor said it wasn’t going to be long. at some point, my phone rang. it was on silent, but i felt it vibrate. it was the clinic where i got tested (they are my local urgent care, so i had their number saved). i stepped out into the hall and was told that i tested positive for covid, and that i would need to isolate immediately. i was horrified. every day after leaving the hospital that week, i had gone for dinner with my family. i had sat in the car and in close quarters with my sister every day. i hugged my mom so many times because she was in the process of saying goodbye to her mom. i had exposed so many people to this virus, and, horrified, i didn’t want to spend any more time in the hospital, where i would be putting other patients at risk.

i hung up the phone and went into the room. my mom and uncle were at my grandmas bedside with a nurse. my sister stood back, so i told her first, in a whisper. her eyes, all of her that i could see while she was masked, widened in dread. she said “we have to go” and i agreed. as i stepped past her to tell my mom and uncle, the nurse said “she’s gone.” my grandma had just died. stunned and caught off guard, i said “now?!” like an idiot. i comforted my mom, and then told her my own news. she said “you need to get out of the hospital” and i agreed. she told me “you should tell your uncle” and i agreed. but when i walked up to him, he was holding his mom’s hand and was sobbing. i couldn’t.

i had said goodbye to my grandma the day before, when she was still lucid. i didn’t want to repeat the goodbye to her corpse. my mom said she would tell the doctor and nurse who spent time in the room with us. everyone was going to have to leave, get tested, isolate. i hated not being with my mom to comfort her, but i was too afraid that i would give her the plague. so my sister and i left. it all happened very quickly.

over the next 48 hours, everyone got tested. somehow, my entire family tested negative. my mom gave me a very stern talking to, insisting that i not blame myself for this. i got a second covid test that was also negative, but the doctor said that since my first pcr was positive, i should still assume that i was carrying the virus, and still needed to isolate for 10 days. i lied and told my family that my second test was also positive, because i was afraid that they would think i did this all for attention. which i know is irrational but i am the most mentally fragile and emotionally volatile member of my family and i am always in one crisis or another, and i just couldn’t deal with this, too.

i isolated. i missed my birthday. i spiraled in panic. i dissociated quite a bit. i took my temperature every hour. i waited for symptoms to emerge, fearing that any minute would be the minute i stop being able to breathe. my case of covid ended up being asymptomatic. i only exhibited extreme exhaustion, which i attribute 100% to the anxiety. it is exhausting to exist baseline in a rolling panic attack that goes on for days. i did not get sick and i did not suffer anything other than my own brain.

because of the covid scare, my grandma did not have a funeral, and my mom did not sit shiva. as it turned out, it was my grandmas wish that she not have a funeral at all, regardless of the covid scare. instead, she wanted us to celebrate her life. she had already picked out the menu. bagels AND flagels. whitefish, egg salad, tuna salad, chicken salad, scallion cream cheese. lox. muffins. peggy’s lemon bars. a bloody mary station. we meant to do the celebration as soon as i could stop isolating, but delta was surging, and my grandma’s friends, all elderly, were afraid. so we held a zoom memorial, and said we would do it in person the following year.

it took 11 months, but today was my grandmother’s celebration of life. we had everything on my grandma’s menu. her friends and family were there. we all ate breakfast and sat around and shared stories and memories about her. there were no tears. even her best friend, who had to be coaxed into sharing her story because she was too afraid she was going to cry, made it through. when it was over, i drove with my mom and sister to the veteran’s cemetery where george was buried. after my grandma divorced her husband, she and george met eachother on the golf course. they never married, but they were together for over 40 years. i grew up with him as one of my grandpas.

we had a hard time finding his grave. it was 100 degrees and humid, and we wandered around in the full sun, reading every grave marker. i felt a little giddy, and started calling “george! george, where are you?” as we searched. eventually we found him. we left stones and shells on his grave, and then we dug a little hole next to his headstone, and buried some of my grandma’s ashes.

then we drove to the country club where my grandma spent most of her life on the golf course. this was going to be the more challenging endeavor, so we planned ahead. my mom put my grandma’s ashes in some paper to-go coffee cups. she, my sister and i each got one, and we all walked into the country club. we came up with a story, but my mom ended up running into someone she knew right away, so we just talked about how we wanted to see the plaques with my grandma’s name on it, from all the years she won club champ at the golf tournament. no one batted an eye at us, and so we roamed the country club, scattering her ashes as inconspicuously as we could, pouring her out from the lip of our to-go coffee mugs.

it was 100 degrees outside, so the fact that we were holding cups that belied hot coffee was a little silly. but no one said anything. we hit up the putting green, the garden behind the pool, the driving range, the last hole, etc. i don’t know much about golf, but in the last photo, you can see my mom standing on some scuffed up grass. the tier farther away from the hole was where the men would golf from, while the area behind her, closer to the hole, was for the women to golf from. my grandma always golfed from the men’s section. she was a very good golfer. she was the club champion plenty of times. the plaques had been taken down when the club changed ownership, but it was fun getting to see the place, and getting to do our bit of mischief. not long after i spread some of her ashes on the putting green i saw an employee come up and start watering the green with a hose. already, i knew she was safe, and wouldn’t blow away.

and then we all got in our cars and went home. i was dreading this day not because it would mean having to finally say my last goodbye to my grandma, but i was afraid i would get covid again and ruin it all a second time. i’m so relieved that it all went well. it was a great time, hearing stories about my grandma. i have a bit left in my coffee cup, so i’m going to put it in the dirt around a plant that my grandma propagated for me a few years ago. anyway. today was a nice day. very strange, but it felt right.

#personal #cw death but chill about it

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yslkook · 4 years ago

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#by the books (5)

#corporate masterlist

summary: seokjin helps you come to several epiphanies. you wrestle with your growing fondness with jungkook, while determining how to talk to him. word count: 5570 warnings: cursing, parental death, discussion of mental health, some alc a/n: this is part 2/3 of being in tokyo!

SUNDAY

Seokjin knows something is wrong when you don’t respond to his texts for over fourteen hours. It’s well into Sunday morning, closer to the afternoon, when he makes the executive decision to camp out outside your hotel room until you let him in. He knows you’ve been on your phone- you’ve been on Instagram. You’re just avoiding him, and probably the rest of the world. As you usually tend to do, when you’re upset.

You don’t know what to do. You’ve never yelled at someone the way you yelled at Jungkook last night, much less literally ran away from someone like that. Embarrassment colors your memories, internally cringing when you replay the night’s events in your mind. It plays like a movie, the same moment mocking you incessantly. Jungkook’s heartbroken, doe eyes haunt you- you’ve barely been able to sleep because you’ve struggled coming to terms with the fact that you put that look on his face.

The reflection in your mirror disgusts you. And yet, you still do nothing about it, burying yourself under the duvet and ignoring anything that wasn’t sleep. It’s easier that way.

Your phone rings again- it’s Jin. You ignore his call. That’s your first mistake. He nearly screeches your name outside the door to your hotel room, menacingly knocking on your door. He’s clearly on a mission to piss off everyone who had the bad luck to be staying in the hotel rooms adjacent to you.

“I’m sleeping,” You shout easily, your voice muffled from the comforter.

“Open the damn door,” Jin demands and you groan. He won’t stop until you let him in, much to your chagrin. You just want to wallow in your self-pity for a bit, is that too much to ask for?

So you finally force yourself out of the bed and drag your feet to the door. “You look like fuckin’ shit,” Jin remarks, taking in your bleary eyes and the permanent frown on your face.

“Thanks, Seokjin. Just what every girl wants to hear,” You mutter and burrow yourself in bed once more. Without a moment’s hesitation, he gets under the covers next to you, curling into your side. Like he’s done a million times before.

“Leave me alone, Jin,” You mumble, without any real heat in your voice, “Yuna wouldn’t like this. Your girlfriend wouldn’t like you to be in bed with another girl-”

“Shut up, stupid. You’re not just another girl,” Jin dismisses you, only tightening his hold around your waist.

“Go away,” You try again, rather weakly. Instead, you let your hand sit on top of his. You both lay together in silence like that for a while. His presence always calms you down, brings you back up a few notches.

“I did something awful last night,” You finally say, voice hoarse from disuse.

“What did you do?”

You take a deep, shuddering breath. “I yelled at Jungkook in front of my favorite ice cream shop… and then ran away from him.”

“What did you yell at him for?”

You tell him- you tell him how he told you he couldn’t keep up with you, how he called you his dream girl, how you screamed at him that your dad died and that you dropped out of school because you couldn’t handle it, how just seeing Jungkook reminded you of when you were happier.

“I’m such a fuckin’ idiot, Jin,” You mutter, pressing your face further into your pillow, “A-and how can he say I was his dream girl, I’m just such an-”

“Shh,” Jin says, muffling your mouth with his hand. Once you stop your self-deprecating train of thought, he pulls his hand away. Jin lays with you in silence once more, only running a hand over your upper arm to soothe you.

“Let’s go get lunch,” Jin suggests and he already hears the protest about to erupt from your lips, “You look like shit and I know you haven’t eaten. Go shower and wear something new. I’ll wait.”

You groan before forcing yourself out of the bed and dragging your feet into the bathroom. Jin rolls his eyes when you shoot a death glare in his direction. Jin was right- the hot water against your skin was soothing. You welcomed the stinging of the water as it pelted your skin with open arms. Feeling a little better coming out of the shower than you did going into the shower, you change into day clothes.

“Lookin’ better already,” Jin says, pulling you into a side hug.

Why is Jin friends with you, when you can’t stand yourself some days? You don’t know what he sees in you. Not when you seem to hurt everyone around you, so selfishly, as if it’s second nature.

But he keeps you close to him, his arm tight around your shoulder and those thoughts don’t throb in your mind as much as they usually do.

Jin sits across from you in a small, quiet ramen shop. You’re in a corner, away from most of the other patrons. There’s only four other people here, including the waitress. Jin says nothing about your outburst at Jungkook from the night before, only noisily slurping his ramen and then screeching with he bites his lip accidentally.

“You eat too fast,” You admonish, shaking your head when he rubs his bottom lip gingerly. Jin immediately takes his phone out to take a selfie and sends it to Yuna, claiming that he needs a kiss to make it better. You roll your eyes fondly and smile at him.

Puppy love is cute on him.

“So,” Jin finally says and your heart races. His tone has instantly shifted to a little more quiet, a little more serious.

“What do I do, Jin?” You whisper, shoulders slumping and avoiding his eyes, “He didn’t know. The kid didn’t know why I left, that Appa died- a-and I don’t know why he’s so hung up over it either. ‘Snot like we were friends like that back then anyway… God, Jin, you should’ve seen the look on his face before I ran away, like a fuckin’ coward.”

You hold your head in your hands above your half finished bowl of ramen and groan. “What a mess. I’m a fuckin’ mess.”

“Jungkook considered you friends back then,” Jin says slowly, “As far as I know, at least. I mean, I remember him being excited to see you every week for those mentor mentee sessions. And how grateful he was when you pulled him away from mean girls. He’s sensitive, you remember at least that much, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” You laugh despite your misery, “Used to call him Bambi back in the day. He’d get so flustered. But… I just- like, I told him it hurt too much to even look at him. Because he reminded me of when I was happy. Who fuckin’ does that?”

“But are you happy now?” Jin asks bluntly, slurping another mouthful of noodles.

“I don’t… know,” You murmur, “I think I can be.”

“Happy isn’t a constant thing. You won’t be happy all the time, the same way you won’t be sad all the time. But the last few years have been so hard. Let yourself be happy, sweetheart,” Jin says, reaching over to squeeze your hand, “Happy back then doesn’t have to be the same as happy now.”

“How do I just be happy?” You wonder out loud, making a mental note to talk to your therapist about this.

“I don’t know, but for starters, talk to Jungkook. He considered you both friends. You hurt his feelings when you left without a word. And he’s hurt now. And… I know you spent a long time blocking out the last few years, blocking out all of the bad. But there was some good, too.”

“Can’t believe he called me his dream girl. What does he know?” You grumble, crossing your arms over your chest but you feel a little lighter.

“You gonna tell me you didn’t like that?” Jin asks smugly.

“I didn’t!” You protest unconvincingly. Jin says nothing, only eyeing you with a knowing smile.

“You’re fooling no one. Eat your ramen, stupid.”

And so you do, the spicy broth curling in your belly as if it’s your home.

It feels like it’s been too long since you had spoken to Grandma, so you call her the minute you and Jin part ways. You tell her about the events of the past few days- how you had met up with friends you hadn’t seen in years. And how you had screamed at Jungkook undeservedly-

“I miss Appa,” You mumble, eyes watering, “He would be so upset with me. For the way I’ve been acting. Like he never existed, never talking about him…”

“He’d just want you to be happy, honey,” Grandma says kindly, “And to forgive yourself. To allow yourself to love and be loved.”

And then you cry some more. Grandma does, too.

Later, when you drive Jin, Jimin and Hoseok to the airport, all three of them wrap you up in tight hugs. As if you wouldn’t be in the same city as them in less than 48 hours. You promise to keep in touch with Jimin and Hoseok. Maybe they believe you, because they both hug you again with bright smiles.

MONDAY

Today’s the day. It’s the day that the Seoul team meets the Tokyo team face to face for the first time. Excitement brims in your blood- you’re certain that you have a lot to learn from this team. They’ve been a part of more submissions than your smaller team had been, and it had been a big surprise that Namjoon was named as the main lead of the project. But he was more than capable, as he had shown in the last few months.

The Tokyo team consists of Lisa, Irene, Minhyuk and they’re led by Mark. Mark, who you’ve known for about as long as you’ve been with the company. He had started with you in Seoul, in the same position and had quickly moved up in the ladder. Which seems to be the case for a lot of people, namely men, around you. He had actually beat you out for the job that he currently had. It had left a sour taste in your mouth for a long time- what did he have that you didn’t? But slowly, with time, you had gotten over it. After all, the job was in Tokyo, and you don’t think you were ready for that kind of move at the time. Everything happens for a reason, or so they say.

The company office in Tokyo is a little older than the one in Seoul- after all, the Seoul office had been recently renovated. If there was a word to describe the Seoul office, it was sleek and modern. You quite liked it.

Minhyuk had picked you, Jungkook, Sana and Namjoon up in the lobby to take you to the conference room that you would be working in. He’s a chatterbox, telling you about the history of the building, how long he’s been with the company and how grateful he is to be part of this team.

Jungkook tunes him out, nodding when needed and asking questions when appropriate. He casts his eyes over to you despite himself. You had put on a little more makeup today than usual, trying to conceal the puffiness of your eyes. Not that Jungkook could tell. He thinks you’re pretty. And the way you chew on your glossy bottom lip as you listen to Minhyuk- he thinks you’re cute, too.

You’re hyper aware of Jungkook’s presence next to you as you walk through the hallways and finally reach the conference room. He sits across from you, and for the first time since Saturday night, you allow yourself the luxury of looking at him. Despite a room full of new faces, the only person you want to look at is him. His dark hair is softly tousled over his forehead, barely there dimples dotted in his cheeks when he smiles at his new team members.

His gaze is transfixed on Mark and Namjoon, as they introduce themselves formally to each other and the rest of the team respectively. Mark’s eyes brighten when he sees you, but he keeps it professional, only shaking your hand with a smile that borders on a smirk.

Irene and Lisa eye you almost warily, until you introduce yourself to them with a warm handshake and a warm smile. You’ve been told you have an intimidating persona when people first meet you- in fact, your boss is the one who always tells you to smile more. What a jerk.

Mark and Namjoon both present on the mission and the objectives of the submission, and then what each individual team will be responsible for. You take a sip of your coffee, and cast your eyes around the room. Irene, Lisa, Sana and Minhyuk are intently listening to Mark and Namjoon and taking notes. While you’re staring at Jungkook.

And he’s staring back at you.

You pull your eyes away first, heart doing almost painful somersaults in your chest. You don’t mind being caught at staring at him, but you just feel like there is so much you need to say to him.

Like apologize. You need to apologize for unloading and dumping on him when he didn’t ask for it. But then, his smile fades and his doe eyes are sad. Because of you. It’s all because of you.

You and Namjoon present your slides for your team’s plan going forward, with details on the timelines and deliverables. Jungkook and Sana will be working on the logistics piece to organize another face-to-face workshop, and for the next one, the Tokyo team will come to Seoul.

Despite the heat of Jungkook’s gaze on you, you speak clearly and confidently. Jungkook loves the sound of your voice, the way it floats out into the room and wraps itself around him comfortingly.

Even when you had yelled at him outside of the ice cream shop, about how your Appa had died, about dropping out of school, and about how seeing him reminded you of when you were happy… Even then, he could never wince at the sound of your voice.

Jungkook was pissed that nobody had told him- that he had gone this long thinking so selfishly about you. He could have never have fathomed the gravity of your circumstance. He had yelled at Jimin the next day, but Jimin had only yelled back at him-

“She dropped off the face of the earth! She wanted nothing to do with us and it was her thing to tell!”

“So she was all alone that whole time? Because you all thought it was her thing to tell?”

“Don’t act like you’re better than all of us just because you didn’t know! You and I didn’t reconnect until recently, how was I supposed to tell you? And we tried to reach out to her. She shut us out, literally. What could we do if she ignored us for five fuckin’ years?”

You were alone. With your Grandma and with Seokjin. But still, alone, and possibly thinking that nobody was checking on you. Even if there is truth to Jimin’s words, Jungkook can’t help but feel like he’s too late. If he had known…. Well, what would he have done?

This crush of his feels more and more childish as days go by. And yet, when you look at him, the way you’re looking at him now. With softness lined in your irises, he can’t help it.

He can’t help but look back at you. Maybe you can see his apology in his face.

“Hi,” A voice comes from your left side. You’re at the coffee bar, refilling your second cup of coffee before noon. His voice is reserved, almost shy. Your heart seizes up immediately at the sound of it.

“Morning, Jungkook,” You say breathlessly, grateful for the coffee cup in your hand for something to hold on to. To channel your nervous energy into.

“Morning,” Jungkook says softly, “Can I talk to you later? Maybe after the happy hour?” He asks, hope shining in his voice and sparkling in his eyes.

No- it was supposed to be you who would reach out to apologize. After all, you were the one who had screamed in his face and ran away. He’s probably only reaching out out of pity, you think cynically. Nevertheless, it throws you off.

And apparently, since you’re the keeper of bad decisions, your response to him is predictable. Despite every synapse in your heart screaming at you to say something else.

“Uh. I don’t think I’m going to the happy hour. I’m not really feeling great,” The lie blooms from your painted lips easily. His face falls and you pretend like your heart doesn’t ache over his doe eyes.

“Oh, okay. Feel better,” Jungkook says and you give him a barely there smile, passing him to head back in the conference room.

A headache is beginning to brew in the back of your head. It’s the last thing you need.

Why does it bother you that Jungkook had been the one to reach out to you first, rather than the other way around? After all, you were the one who caused a scene. What reason does he have to want to talk to you? If anything, you’re the one who needs to apologize, right?

You stare at the shifting trees in front of you, hoping that if you stare hard enough, the leaves will whisper an answer to you.

Maybe you’re just overthinking it. Maybe he just is that good, to want to speak to you just because.

You’ve been sitting here, at Appa’s park, for the better part of an hour. You’re hoping for an epiphany, or some type of sign. It feels strange that Jungkook is weighing so heavily on your mind. You’re not used to this feeling.

A whistle of wind rustles through the collar of your thin jacket, curling around you in comfort. With a loud exhale, you stand up from your bench.

“Oh, fine. I’ll go to the stupid happy hour,” You scoff into the sky. As if the sky can hear your complaining. And so you turn on your heel and leave the park, begrudgingly making your way to the happy hour venue.

Usually, showing up to work events like this alone was a breeze. It was easy for you to think about these things as just being something to check off in your list of things to do for the day. You stayed to say your hellos and made some small talk before leaving, all within an hour.

But today feels different. Your carefully put together nerves are beginning to fray at the seams. You take a deep breath before swinging the door open to enter the bar. Namjoon and Mark had rented out a corner of the bar for your teams to have your own space. High tables of appetizers and drinks surrounded the bustling voices of your teammates.

Your hands are inadvertently balled into tense fists. This place is littered with people and still, you feel so alone. You wish Jin was here. You wish Jin was here.

Jungkook sees the crown of your head the minute you walk into the bar, even with the dimmed lighting. He had been sulking before, barely interested in the conversation that he had forced himself into under the pretense of ‘networking’. Not that anyone would be able to tell- Jungkook has mastered the art of making it seem like he was present. He would never jeopardize an invaluable opportunity like this, and he’s never been one to allow others to surpass him in settings like this. He knows what the stakes are. But he’s become adept in the art of multitasking.

Your lips are pursed, eyes darting across each side of the room. It feels overwhelming, like too much. Maybe you shouldn’t have come…

You cross your arms and dig your nails into your cloth covered bicep nervously. Before you can calm the thudding of your heart in your ears, you turn your head and see Jungkook walking towards you with a smile.

You can’t help but smile back.

“Jungkook,” You exhale, “Hi.”

“You came,” Jungkook says, eyes crinkling at the sight of you. Has he always had those deep laugh lines around his eyes when he smiled? For a second, you’re breathless but you break his gaze, not wanting to let your eyes linger over the rest of him for too long. At the risk that you’ll be sucked into his warm, brown whirlpools.

“Yeah,” You say faintly. Jungkook can sense your nervousness- you can’t help your eyes darting around you at the number of people surrounding you.

“Wanna get a drink with me?” Jungkook asks, gesturing towards the bar with a flick of his fingers.

“Really? You wanna get a drink with me?” You ask incredulously, with a raise of your eyebrow. How could he possibly want to spend time with you, when you had treated him the way you had?

“It’s on Namjoon and Mark’s company card,” Jungkook shrugs and you laugh. He leads you towards the bar. There are a few people seated at the navy blue leather bar stools surrounding the bar, a few of them eyeing Jungkook curiously. It doesn’t surprise you- he looks good in a form fitting black turtleneck and black slacks. Rings adorn his fingers and small hoops sit in his earlobes, a soft smile peeling across his face when he looks at you.

Yeah. You’d stare at him, too. If you didn’t have the fortune to know him.

“What can I get you?” Jungkook asks, relaxing with his elbow on the bar top.

“You mean what can Namjoon and Mark get us?” You say, pulling a laugh from him. Your heart sings at the sweet sound. “Hmm… I’ll have wine, I guess.”

“Red or white?”

“White?”

“Are you asking me or telling me?” Jungkook teases and your cheeks heat up.

“Telling you! I’ll have a… chardonnay,” You reply, turning your head towards the bar so he can’t see how flustered you are. But he does, and he pockets the information for later.

Once Jungkook orders two glasses of chardonnay for both of you and you’re both holding the wine glasses in your hands, you gently clink your glass with him. It makes you a little nervous, how easily you find yourself talking to him. How comfortable you feel around him, as if you were old friends. As if you hadn’t been so mean to him only the night before.

You don’t know him well. But you remember that he’s always had a big heart, offering his forgiveness to those who didn’t deserve it. Would you ruin him? But maybe a little selfishly, you want to chase this feeling.

“I went to this park earlier,” You murmur, swirling your wine in your glass, “It’s really pretty and quiet. I used to go there all the time when I was younger.”

“You’ve been to Tokyo before?” Jungkook asks.

“Yeah,” You nod, “I used to come here a lot when I was a kid and spend summers here with Appa. Sometimes Grandma, too. Appa taught me Japanese from when I was really young, it’s probably why I’m even on this team…”

“That’s not true, you’re on this team because you’re really smart and good at what you do! And I know Namjoon values your opinion a lot-” Jungkook protests, an annoyed furrow in his brow. Is that really what you think of yourself?

You laugh and give him a grateful smile. With a breath of seemingly transient courage, you part your lips- “Jungkook,” Your voice is soft and small and nothing like what he’s used to, “I want to-”

And then you’re both interrupted by both Sana and Namjoon slinging their arms around your shoulders. Jungkook gives you a reassuring smile, a promise that you’ll talk later. You wonder if you’ll lose your courage by then.

Namjoon pulls you away from Jungkook and Sana, introducing you to some people that you’ve never met. You recognize them as higher ups, Hyo-Jin, the head of submissions for all of Asia and Hae-ri, the head of business development. The realization makes you take a few generous sips of your wine and straighten your back.

You can hear Jin’s voice in your head, telling you to make a good impression. Namjoon easily pulls you into the conversation, giving you plenty of opportunity to insert yourself in-

“She’s my right hand woman, though I don’t think even that is a good enough term to tell you what she is to me,” Namjoon says. Compliments like that always fluster you, and this time is no different.

“Namjoon speaks too highly of me,” You brush him off, “I’m just glad I have this opportunity, I mean being on the submissions team has always been one of my favorite parts of the job.”

“Oh? Do you see a future for yourself in submissions?” Hyo-Jin asks curiously, with a quirk of an elegant eyebrow. She’s a no nonsense woman, you can tell just from the five minutes you’ve had with her.

“I definitely want to lead submissions teams one day. I mean, Namjoon is a great teacher,” You grin, elbowing him, “But even more than that… I’d like to oversee an entire product line end to end later down the line. And I think it’s important to invest in our young talent, too-”

“Young talent? As in people development?” Hyo-Jin asks.

“Yeah, I mean they’re our future leaders, aren’t they? It’s important that they have the tools to succeed now and beyond,” You say vehemently.

Hyo-Jin says nothing, only nodding and taking a sip of her drink. “And you? Do you have the tools to succeed now and beyond as a future leader?”

The question makes you stumble. Do you throw your boss under the bus? But you’ve never been a liar, and you sure as hell won’t start now.

“No,” You say bluntly, “I’ve learned so much with Namjoon and being part of this team. And in general being part of regulatory and submissions projects. But I don’t think my skill set is being effectively used in my current role. If you want an honest answer.”

You can practically hear Jin scolding you from far away. But you won’t build a professional relationship on a fallacy. To your surprise, Hyo-Jin smiles.

“That’s refreshing,” She says, her painted lips splitting into a smile.

“What is?” You ask, feeling rather stupid.

“Your honesty,” Hae-ri chimes in, “People aren’t always honest with us, because of our titles. Like they have something to prove.”

“Yeah, well, maybe people are rightfully more concerned about making a good first impression than I am,” You joke, gripping the handle of your wine glass tighter. Hyo-Jin and Hae-ri both laugh with you, telling you to put time on their calendars to meet with them virtually when you go back to South Korea after the trip. With that, they both slip away from you, making sure you know that they appreciated your presence. And then you let out a breath.

“Holy shit. I fucked that up,” You mutter, “My boss is going to kill me, Joon. What the hell is wrong with me-”

“Relax,” Namjoon says easily, his dimples on display, “They loved you. Trust me, they loved you. They already knew who you were, you know.”

“What? How could they possibly know who I was?” You gasp incredulously, “I’m a nobody!”

“Seokjin’s right. For someone so smart, you’re dumb-”

“Hey! That’s unprofessional of you,” You say, but a smile threatens your lips.

“They never tell anyone to put time on their calendars unless they like them. So just trust me. And this submission has the eyes of all of the higher ups. Our good work doesn’t go unnoticed.”

“I just,” You sigh, “I’m used to it going unnoticed. So I guess… Thank you. For your leadership, your guidance… and your friendship.”

He smiles at you brightly and clinks his glass with you. “C’mon, let’s go find Mark.”

Jungkook can’t help but cast his eyes in your direction every so often. He knew, he knew you were about to say something poignant at the bar. All of the signs were there- your serious eyes, the way you forced yourself to look him in the face, the barely there nervousness that he could taste.

It seems that everyone suddenly wants a piece of you- you flit around with Namjoon, taking it all in as he introduces you to people. Jungkook is beyond happy for you, that you’re finally getting the recognition you deserve from the company.

But still, he can’t help but crave just a minute alone with you. Especially when he sees Mark’s face light up at the sight of you, pulling you into a too-friendly hug. And you don’t even realize it, it seems. Only offering him a smile in return, surprise coloring your face when he hugs you so tightly.

Jungkook tries his best to stay present in the conversation he’s in, with Sana and a few other members of the Tokyo team. But he has such a nice view of you that he can’t help his eyes drifting every so often. He can’t help noticing the way your pink pants sit on your hips, and the way your black blouse is tucked into them. More than that though, he can’t help noticing Mark noticing.

Do you know? That Mark sees you in that light? He’s so obvious about it, and yet. It seems like you’re oblivious.

Namjoon eventually excuses himself from both of you, claiming that he can hear Sana calling for him. You think nothing of it, shrugging and continuing your conversation with Mark.

“Hey, you did great today,” Mark compliments, stepping just a hair closer to you.

“Oh! Thanks, I know,” You wink at him, “I have a great team, I mean it.”

“Well,” Mark says, taking a sip of his soju, “You’re pretty great, too.”

“Oh, stop,” You wave him off with a roll of your eyes, “You don’t need to butter me up, Mark. Save it.”

“C’mon, you know I mean it. We’ve been through a lot, you and I,” Mark says with a crooked sort of grin. You understand why people fawn over him, that smile could get anyone to do anything but you roll your eyes.

“Have we, Mark?” You ask dryly.

“We go way back,” He says self-assuredly, almost cockily.

“No, we don’t,” You mumble under your breath, and he hears you. You subtly take a step back from him, turning on your side. Only to find Jungkook already looking at you.

“You wound me,” Mark murmurs, placing a hand over his heart dramatically. You roll your eyes, but still give him the same grin. It’s polite, nothing more, nothing less.

The way Mark looks at you teeters on the edge of something more than friendly professionalism. It’s clear that you both have known each other for a while. Maybe through work? Maybe something else? It bothers Jungkook, and he knows it shouldn’t. Especially when Mark leaves you for a minute, only to return with a refill of your wine.

An irritating ember settles in the pit of Jungkook’s stomach. Perhaps he has an ulcer, he thinks dryly.

Mark has your phone number, from other projects you’ve worked with him on. He does text you every so often, maybe once every few months. You’ve never thought much of it, only responding to him out of obligation since he is your colleague and technically your superior. You don’t think it’s malicious- he’s always been a charmer. Even when you first met him when you first started at the company.

By the time you manage to shake yourself of Mark, Jungkook has disappeared. How long has it been since you’ve been here? You look outside of the windows quickly, taking in the darkness of the sky and the moon hanging from it.

“Hey, you ready to head back to the hotel?” Namjoon asks, Sana already in her coat next to him.

“Yeah, where’s Jungkook?” You ask, craning your neck to see the top of his fluffy hair.

“He left a bit ago. Said he wasn’t feeling well,” Sana says, fastening the buttons on her coat. The bitter pill of regret settles in your belly. How ironic that he had left happy hour saying he wasn’t feeling well, when that had been your excuse to not attend.

So still, even when you are in your hotel room after the happy hour, changed in your pajamas and about to watch a show to end your night, you think nothing of it when Mark texts you later that night:

Mark: it was good to see you tn :)

Despite Mark’s name lighting up your phone, you feel an ache in your heart. Over the fact that you hadn’t had the chance to speak to Jungkook. He’s somewhere in this hotel, and you could, you really could just ask Namjoon his room number and talk to him. But the bolt of courage from earlier seems to have fizzled out long ago.

So you text Mark back instead. Thinking nothing of it.

#jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you #jungkook fluff

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retphienix · 4 years ago

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Alright, this is gonna be tough because I desperately want to say so much for the game's sake and my own, but it's just so much.

At least the playthrough as a whole exists to show a lot of those things, and there's no shame in some of the impacts the game had for myself going unsaid :)

LONG POST INCOMING, NO 'READ MORE' BECAUSE IT'S RELEVANT TO THE POST AND NOT AN AFTER-THOUGHT

CLICK 'J' ON YOUR KEYBOARD TO SKIP. (Sorry mobile users)

8:48 - Do you have any idea how good a step forward it felt to smash the repressing bulb?

9:50 - So I'll get ahead of myself because this fight shows a lot of the visuals that play into this: Something being the manifestation of guilt for Mari is so incredibly visualized.

Between the base 'Something' being extremely close to the shadow she cast and including the one visible eye that bore down on Sunny and Basil after the hanging, to the stairs incorporating into the design.

The seaweed and spider are more general anxieties though they do circle back to Mari since she saved Sunny, but those two forms don't feel as directly related as the stairs (heights) and base 'Something' forms and what they represent for his repressed guilt.

Could be wrong ;) Tell me what you saw in the forms of 'Something' if you'd like to expand on them :)

12:39 - Just to prove the point before you get to fully see the truth- Something morphs into the figure of Mari hanging. It doesn't fully demonstrate the "eye" aspect yet, but still I just wanted to say kudos on the way 'Something' is shown visually. Formless for a reason, and that form becomes more defined as you understand what it is, exceptional damn thing.

15:43 - Basil's part in all of this makes me so damn sad. Plenty to say later (obviously), but he harbors so much guilt, wants forgiveness so much, and is so (not shown yet) desperate to believe in Sunny's innocence while knowing but not comprehending the truth. The fact he harbors his own 'Something' due to the guilt of all this is heartbreaking, these kids endured a hell no one should. Losing someone so important to you and harboring the guilt and fault of it when nothing of the sort was intended. A childish fight with raised emotions got out of hand and all this came of it.

Hell.

16:30 - I absolutely adore how the photo album is used for this reveal.

Absolutely incredible execution that's specific to this story and its characters and makes piecing (literally) this together tense and grim.

22:27 - I NEVER SPOKE TO OR INTERACTED WITH THE THING IN THE CENTER OF THIS ROOM AND I'M A NORMAL AMOUNT OF UPSET ABOUT THAT >:( lol

29:41 - Okay.

So this reveal as a whole is so unbelievably well paced and incredibly hard hitting.

All game long there's a weight of having lost Mari. Repeatedly it's told that she killed herself and no one can understand why and everyone (MYSELF THE PLAYER INCLUDED) is looking for meaning in little moments, seeking out hints that maybe she was suffering or depressed or this or that.

And while that has gone on FOR THE ENTIRE GAME there has also been this uneasy weight surrounding Sunny/Omori. Visions of Mari twisted and deformed into phantoms of horror.

For the most part I assumed it was just him coping with having lost his sister and maybe a dialogue on how when she was alive he was in her shadow (in his mind) and now that she's gone he remains there?

That was the best I could figure, more or less. But it continued to seem more and more malicious in design and MUCH more 'heavy' in how it's presented as a shadow behind Omori/Sunny throughout his adventure and life.

The weight and 'overshadowed' looks of the scenes felt more and more foreboding and less like a simpler "I'm living in her shadow" story, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

Then these pictures come out and piece things together.

The final result:

Sunny and Mari fighting. (Context appears to be his growing disdain towards playing. It's stated he loved playing, but it's also shown that he begins to dislike how much Mari is dragged away for classes and the like up to and including playing. So my read was that Sunny was upset that their fleeting time together was dedicated to the recital and broke his violin in an emotional blur and the fight occurred.

Alternatively it was accidentally broken and both of their emotions were running high as it happened)

Mari falling to her death.

Sunny and Basil carrying her upstairs and tending to her.

Sunny breaking down as it sinks in.

The visions having Basil say "It's going to be okay" by the bedside. (I perceive that as a memory of what Basil was saying as he tried to manage his emotions during the event)

Sunny and Basil carrying her back downstairs and to the backyard.

The makeshift noose.

And finally the sight that burned itself into Sunny's eyes of her hanging after it was all said and done.

Just holy shit to it all in how it's revealed and handled.

Stories have twists all the time, and I ain't gonna make some bold claim like "Most unpredictable!" "Best twist!" "What a twist!" or whatever, though that'd be funny.

I just want to say this twist worked BEFORE the reveal as a foreboding sense of unease and curiosity- it lent itself to intentionally vague and easily misconstrued explanations, basically- instead of it outright misleading you beyond the characters that believe the lie repeating the lie, it allowed you to mislead yourself.

It did the twist the right way! And well! YOU trick YOURSELF! The people repeating the lie are being lied to or have motivation to repeat the lie! The GAME isn't lying (as so many twists handle it) the game is giving the world reason to mislead and allowing you to be mislead!

Now am I yelling affirmations for the way things SHOULD ALWAYS BE! YES! BUT THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S NOT AS NORMAL AS IT SHOULD BE! lol

31:40 - All the "You will really miss them"s hurt :(

33:25 - Right out the gate, a spoiler for what isn't here:

I looked up the alternate endings of the neutral route and my heart hurts to know Sunny doesn't stick around and Basil dies :(

34:00 - BASIL BEING OVERWHELMED WITH DENIAL AND GUILT AS HE ATTEMPTS TO MENTALLY PROTECT HIS VIEW OF WHO HIS FRIEND IS BY INVENTING A SECOND PARTY THAT DID THIS IS SO FUCKING REAL AND AMAZINGLY DONE.

And it explains the name behind the 'Something'.

'Something' behind you did it. There's 'Something' behind you, isn't there.

'Something' all around us, that potentially being the truth comin' in.

When 'Something' ruined my photos, Basil repressing protecting Sunny by destroying the proof.

Just expertly done.

'Something' being repression of the memory and impending guilt. Dannnng.

36:26 - It's 24 hours after I beat the game as I type all this so here's a gag.

Here's the part where Basil beats some sense into his friend, because after this Sunny gets knocked out and wakes up 200% improved and ready to save Basil from his own guilt by releasing them both from the secret.

So basically Kel dragged us out of bed, then a couple days later Basil beats us up, and that's how Sunny gets better :^) Game Over.

38:46 - This fight made me feel utterly terrible, a highlight being the energy bar saying "Everything is going to be okay".

or at 40:17 - when Basil pokes out Sunny's eye and the screen does this? That's an underutilized but always awesome visual.

41:12 - I THOUGHT I WAS DEAD AT THIS POINT :)

Because just before entering Basil's home on this night you see his Grandma's ghost here. So seeing Sunny here told me "WELL. YOU FUCKED UP!"

42:25 - Like I said, beat some sense into Sunny.

Here's the mental side of things where Basil's beatin' told Sunny to go remember the good times and confront his inner self and I'm being partially facetious because there's plenty to say about what's coming up.

43:15 - Goosebumps every time due to the sincerity and hope of this.

43:40 - Hug for anyone needing that.

51:11 - I could cry again and I just might before this post is done being put together.

This accident was never meant to be.

55:09 - Timestamp is arbitrary, I won't go over every flashback but I do want to say what a beautiful way to use these photos. To relive the memories? To find the strength to overcome and all that? After all these years of suppressing memories? DANNNG I love this game.

1:04:09 - I stepped in poop.

1:04:15 - Barefooted.

1:04:22 - I embraced my failure.

1:12:00 - The violin.

1:13:00 - "The anxious feeling-" "They believed in you" "No matter what you didn't want to disappoint them" I'm filled with love and gonna cry about it.

1:14:00 - So an important theme in the game, as if it has just one, is Sunny suppressing emotions and demonizing himself.

Obviously the ending shows him breaking free from both but I think it's important as hell to look at how he builds up to being able to.

After all the dark moments show him as a bloodied monster, demonstrate a perceived lack of remorse for what he's done (as in he sees himself so poorly that he says "I must not have felt bad about it, I'm a monster", not that he actually doesn't feel bad about it, that he thinks he shouldn't because he's bad), have him stab dream Basil to protect his repression of the memory, the build up to breaking free from that is him remembering the good in him through the lens of his friends.

Both in the real world and in revisiting the memories within the photos.

He hears about the good in himself that he has pretended isn't there and finds the power to overcome this deadened shell he's made.

He learns how to forgive himself by finally remembering he's worthy of forgiveness and is more than his mistake, that even the person he grievously harmed would want him to forgive himself and would understand the mistake didn't define him.

1:15:15 - Just because you did something bad doesn't make you bad, to put it more eloquently than my rambles. He had to learn that.

1:19:20 - I've done this fight 4 times.

You may be wondering why 4 times, it ain't like I replayed the game a ton or anything.

The short of it is:

1) For the good ending :)

2) To see what happens if you go "up" in the hospital- it's a dead end- I assumed it'd be a bad ending. So I got the good ending again :)

3) For the bad ending.

4) FOR THE GOOD ENDING TO WIPE THE HORRIBLE FEELING IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH AWAY FROM THE BAD ENDING :)

In doing so I did get one layer deeper on the BG of Omori in the fight, here it is:

And I learned on the fourth run that the fight is simpler than I gave it credit lol, Cherish refills your juice, so there is no reason to use Encore. You can get to the end (and deeper more easily) by just using the triple attack and Cherish and Calm down when necessary.

1:29:00 - A summary of the fight is that it's extremely impactful emotionally, but very obviously isn't a "Fun fight". It's great mechanically and story wise for what it's trying to do :)

I'll just say it here: I'm surprised there wasn't an end-game "Omori" fight, you know, in dream world? Because combat is SO good in this. I am lead to believe that the Omori route where you never go outside in the real world has more bosses and zones and would fill what I just implied I wanted- but you're also railroaded into the Neutral endings which are both sad :(

And honestly? That makes sense and I applaud the decision :) Embracing the fantasy world for more 'fights' isn't exactly the path to recovery. Also and I know someone will be bothered I say this because *I'm* bothered I'm saying this- it makes sense since a big predecessor did the same thing lol.

Undertale Genocide has new bosses and a harder end game challenge (Sans) while being the worse ending, while the good ending has a flashy and story/emotionally impactful final fight that isn't as challenging because challenge isn't the point of the morals being explored.

I just bring it up because it's interesting, has a parallel, and after fighting Omori 4 times I really REALLY wanted to do an end-game fight in Dream World.

1:30:00 - forgive me as I cry again. goosebumps and more.

OH NO~!

DRAT!

So I use a cheap video editor and I use the free format of it which limits to 720p and I didn't think twice of it.

I recorded at max, but downgraded after editing.

At 720p you can't see the detail that made me break down crying!

At 1:31:55 Sunny's eyes go wider as he sees Mari as they finally get to experience the duet in this dream state (White Egret Orchid, this is real and happening, I'm taking this to my grave :'( ) he sees her smile and that smile made me break down, but in the 720 it's blurry :(

That's on me, I could have posted the scene raw in HQ but I didn't know it'd compress just enough to be invisible :(

still. that duet scene can make me cry on command. just because of that alone, but also the entire thing.

1:33:42 - Sunny breaks from his shell and feels his emotions again.

1:37:07 - I wish every game would end with a mirror to see yourself.

The 'Despite everything, it's still you' vibe just cements all the growth and experiences that have happened as so much more real when that happens. Bonus points because mirrors in Omori are a time bomb where you can be reminded of the guilt following you- and this one is safe. This one is pure and clean. You did it.

1:37:50 - As I said earlier, going up does nothing. Dead end.

1:39:00 - I have to tell you something.

Simple ending. And yet slams me like two trucks. I'm so proud.

1:41:00 - Post credits scene.

This is so heartwarming and their smiles are the purest thing in the entire world.

1:42:50 - BAD ENDING RECORDING.

All I'll say on that is the bad ending made me feel terrible inside. Give up, live in your bubble, and subconsciously end it all so you never have to confront reality again.

My gut felt heavy to be honest.

And the fact that THAT is when Bo En Time is played is INCREDIBLE.

Having the sky shift like that gave goosebumps and cemented my dread.

Just seeing it now has me feeling very poorly.

Okay. Video done.

Now for general thoughts.

First off this White Space cycle has been going on for YEARS with Sunny only getting worse as he suppresses things more and more and the reason he found the strength to overcome is because of his friends and I'm gonna yell about it.

THE REASON SUNNY IS BREAKING FREE CAN BE DIRECTLY POINTED AT KEL THINKING "FUCK IT, I'M ABOUT TO LOSE A FRIEND, AND I DON'T WANT TO"

And I just think that is sweet as hell. The strength was inside himself, but the problem itself caused Sunny to demonize and not trust himself- he needed someone to break him free and help convince him that he's not irredeemable. And boom.

The way this game handles Denial and even gives it physical form with the 'Something's that both Sunny and Basil harbor is just awesome.

I touched on it but combat in Omori is very, very good.

I've said it here and there as I played and I feel like going at length in the finale post is pointless because this isn't a review but to put it concisely.

Types changing mid-combat, the character archetypes being so well defined, the follow up system, combat in Omori is some top notch turn based RPG stuff.

Like up there with the greats, the timeless masterpieces. This is GOOD fighting. So it was surprising the good ending didn't emphasize it- I explained why that makes sense, but even still! It'd probably be lesser for it (as explained previously) but it's interesting they practiced that restraint for the message they wanted to send.

Repeatin' that Mari's smile in the recital made me cry. Burned in my brain.

I'm still surprised I got the post credits scene because I DID water the plants a lot but when the game showed me them all dead I assumed that was the fail condition.

I genuinely do want to try the Omori route some time down the road. I hope I get around to it.

I am slightly dissuaded just because the Omori route only gets the neutral endings which are not Good To Be Blunt :(

But I want to see what dream content there is and I hear there are other bosses!

Other small bits from my notes:

Replacing denial (the black bulb) with hope (the white bulb) was good as heck.

The imagery of the 'Something' is so top notch- using the shadow of her body combined with the piercing gaze of her single eye- MY GOD.

The fragility of life being so present- between memories of near death experiences, to the way in which Mari dies, to the ease at which either Basil or Sunny can end the game. It's tense and heart-wrenching.

The way the 'Something' behind Sunny almost always shadows over him like an ever present weight.

Tearful, hopeful, pure, kids enduring a guilt metric tons heavier than their bodies could ever handle and finally, finally moving beyond it.

I said more in a personal post, and I'll reblog that.

Honestly, just timestamping through the video took it out of me and got the point across.

Omori is a wonderful game.

It's definitely a favorite for me, high up there on my list.

Between the themes, the gameplay, the humor, the ending.

This is a good one.

And now I get to end having experienced all the care and love in this title, that's such a sweet thing.

Now I know this finale post is a mess, illegible even. I have gotten sloppier as I've begun embracing just 'experiencing and rambling' and perhaps my formatting with change yet again until I find something more easily shared.

Despite that. I want to thank any who popped in on this playthrough.

This was a good one, a highlight of the blog for sure- and I'm always happy when I see some people enjoying the absolute mess I toss online when I do one of these :P

So thank you for your time, and thank you to any ridiculous enough to read my nonsense here.

Have a good one :)

And just as expected I feel I've said nothing and barely touched the surface as the post-game-head of mine does a poor job lol. Even still :P

#RetPlays #Omori #Spoilers

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t-lostinworlds · 4 years ago

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The Devil All The Time: A Review That No One Asked For

Well, I don’t know why I’ve been putting this off but here I am 48 hours later. Though the fact that I’m still thinking about the movie two days later is proof how long it stays with you right after you watch it. By all means, I’m not an expert reviewer aha so this maybe all over the place but: It is a good movie. It wasn’t perfect of course, the flow could’ve been a tad bit better, and the narrator threw me off sometimes, a few missing bits in terms of the characters but it’s still good nonetheless. I do want to point out that the movie wasn’t as dark and brutal as how the book went. It wasn’t a graphic or gore as I’d expected it because some critics did overplay it. So, if you’ve read the book, the movie will come off as a much lighter tone. Also, if you watched GoT, then you’ll be fine with the gore. But with that said, there are still triggering scenes so people should still be mindful when watching. A couple of changes but that’s a given with every book adaptation but there were a few that I thought was better in the movie than in the book, which I will get more into in a sec because I’ll try and keep this other half spoiler free.

The visuals, the cinematography, it was beautiful. I loved how everything looked on screen, scenery, colors, lighting, the whole lot. The music and the little added touches of sound effects was just so spot on that you just feel more on edge as the movie goes, like little ticks here and there. Now, the cast, whew. Nobody fell short with their performance. Some might have smaller screen times than others but still, nobody was lackluster or pushed to the side and they gave their best with the material they were given. Although, I may be biased but from what I’ve been seeing around I think we can all agree that Tom Holland struck out the most (I’ll gush about him more under the cut aha).

Long babbling short, I loved it. Right after I finished watching, it truly did feel like I went running lol, like I got so into it that those last few moments (or every intense scene for that matter) that it had me at the edge of my seat. But I also wanted to watch it again soon after. It may not be for everyone’s taste, although I am interested to see what the people who haven’t read the book thought of it because I do see how it can come off confusing in some parts. I already knew what was going to happen and some background on why it happened so it was easy for me to fill in the missing pieces. But with that said, it’s still a good adaptation and it stayed as true as it can get to the books. 8.5/10 would recommend watching, with caution of course.

a more detailed (specific scenes, characters, actors performance, and more) rambling below the cut aka spoilers ahead!!

I’m going to start off with Willard Russell who was played so well by Bill Skarsgård. I haven’t seen anything else of his before but he was so good in this movie. His interaction with Haley Bennett's character Charlotte was different from the book but I'm not mad on how it played out in the movie either. It was a cute and a little awkward interaction which was all good. Charlotte is exactly how I thought of her, a sweet, beautiful, caring lady and Haley played her just as well. Especially with the scene where she and Arvin were singing together, that was just the sweetest thing.

But back to Willard (Bill) and all his interaction with little Arvin (who was also so great btw), it was just damn. For one, in the truck after he beat the living daylights out of those men, that switch of him being out of breath and angry and him teaching Arvin about those bullies and finding the right time and him saying, "there's a lot of no good sons of b*tches out there." to when Arvin asked him if it was more than a hundred and he chuckled as if he didn't almost just killed a man? And then suddenly he was back to this loving father who cares so much about his family and would anything to protect and defend them (sounds familiar right? Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.) Although I will say that Willard is a much horrible person in the book than he was in the film. The prayer log could've gotten more… bloody and gross as time passed by. And the thing with Jack Russell (Arvin's dog, who wasn't actually a jack russell but oh well), they changed it so that he was with them longer so it did have more weight if you put it that way since Arvin has grown to love Jack, so killing him off screen was still going to be heart breaking. But in the book, it was a stray dog that wandered into their place and Arvin fed him, named him but on the same day, as soon as Willard got home he shot the dog right in front of Arvin. Now that would've been much crueler and could've showed just how far gone Willard is with his whole "faith" and how desperate he was on saving his wife who he's so in love with but damn, the things love can make people do. Or, they could've added the part where Willard killed the lawyer and poured his blood on the prayer log because that for me was a turning point in the book where I went, Willard has lost his freakin mind with the sacrifices. They did show the lawyer in the movie that's why I was a bit confused when it didn't happen but you can't cram anymore into a 2-hour movie. To conclude, this movie made me want to watch more of Bill for sure, but I'm too scared to watch IT (im a coward) so looking forward to what he does in the future.

Next I want to talk about are Helen, Roy and Theodore. Mia Wasikowska was great. She had so little screen time but whenever you see her on screen she just embodies Helen so well. Helen didn't have much to do in the book either aside from the fact that she was supposed to marry Willard and then didn't because Willard went off with Charlotte and Helen went to marry Roy which was kind of the starting to point as to why everything in their life has gone to hell, and then be a sweet mother to Lenora. But besides that, Mia gave her best and served the character well in my opinion. Theodore on the other hand could've done so so much more. Given that he was the driving force that made Roy kill Helen. If ever I haven't read the book, it would’ve look rather random how suddenly he wanted to try resurrection. Roy and Theodore's relationship could've been explained more, specifically Theo's feelings because that was why he pushed Roy to do it. Now, Harry Melling as Roy Laferty was great. The scene with the spiders and then the emotions you see in his face and his eyes when he tried to resurrect Helen? Remarkable. The slow realization that it wasn't working, the shift on his face was so clear and that momene where it crosses his mind that he just killed his wife it was just, Dudley Dursley who? Though his death came earlier than I expected, and they changed quite a lot and it felt so random how he just left Theo in the car and went on a hitchhike when in the book, Theo died first that's why Roy decided to try and go back to his daughter. But his death scene was still intense, and the fact that his last word was Lenora? His daughter? Amazing.

So, now we see Carl and Sandy Henderson, who showed immediately how crazy they were when they killed Roy (who wasn't their first kill but). Both Riley Keough and Jason Clarke were fantastic, and they really did bring the uneasiness so well on screen. And I love how you can actually see how Sandy change from the first time we see her to the last, like it looked like Sandy was played by two different actresses so huge props to Riley for smashing that role from innocent sweet girl to this troubled serial killer. Although I wished their story was showed better, more so Carl than Sandy because out of the two, Carl was much, much sicker in the head than Sandy. He was the one who'd constantly look at those horrible photos and do…stuff, which was so sooo gross to read I feel sick just thinking about it. But Jason Clarke did a great job at portraying Carl's creepiness as much as he could, like I couldn't bear looking at him on screen without grimacing.

Lee Bodecker. Sebastian Stan did a great job a making him insufferable that's for sure. I always love how the moment Lee is on screen Seb is just gone. He just never failed to feel like this weird and corrupt cop or sheriff. Although I will say, his and Sandy's relationship could've been showed better because I have seen where people didn't realize they were siblings until the end. But I do like how you see that Lee doesn't really care that much for Sandy, I mean he does, but not as much. His mind has always been about being re-elected and having these stories about Sandy won't make him look good does it? Though his emotions in the end when he was in that car with Sandy was really spot on.

Emma and Earskell, I won't really dive into much because there's really isn't much to say than they were both great. They both made Arvin and Lenora feel like they do have a family and that they weren't alone, like they just came off as kind people on screen. But gosh Emma, that woman deserves a proper vacation for everything that she's went through. But Lenora, oh gosh, her story and how it ended was the most painful to read and watch. She was just a sweet innocent girl who got bullied and she deserved none of that. Eliza Scanlen was just wow. I loved her in Little Women, loved her even more on here as well. And her chemistry with Arvin (Tom) in the movie was just amazing, like they bounced of each other so well and you can see with just one look how much she admires Arvin. But the last scene where you can see her face, that split moment when she paused and then slowly smiled as she thought how her grandma won't be ashamed, and that she will take care of her baby and give it the life that it deserves but then she slipped and that made the scene even more heart wrenching. Let me tell, I screamed "Nooooo!" when I read it in the book and I screamed just as loud when I saw it on screen despite already knowing how it ends.

That f*cking rev. tergaryen what's his face. I couldn’t stand him in the book couldn’t stand him just as much in the movie which says a lot on how great of an actor Robert Pattison is. Each time he's on screen I emotionally and physically just can't stand him. Mind you I watched all his scenes with the Reaster girl and his wife with a proper scowl and kept looking away. But his scene with Lenora in the car I was peeking through my fingers because I can't sit and watch it fully because it was just so disgusting to watch. Robert Pattison played him so well that even his voice was just so creepy like dude, shut up. And when he was manipulating Lenora, rambling about his freakin delusions? Ugh I really wanted to punch the screen, big kudos to Rob for bringing that disgusting character to life. And well, I'll say he did get what he deserved in the end so.

Last but definitely not the least, Tom Holland as Arvin Russell. Gosh, where do I even start with this lad? This boy has range I can tell you that. I'm going to be talking so much about him so haha sorry but he was just amazing and I need to point out so many things. First scene was his birthday, and you can see how he seemed like just a normal, happy boy celebrating with the people the he loves but the moment Uncle Earskell handed the gun and mentioned that it was his father, his whole mood changes, his whole face fell and the look in Tom's EYES, his eyes does so much to portray his emotions and goodness he's so freakin amazing at switching from one emotion to another in so little time. To be honest, Arvin in the book is much more cold and harsh, even when it's towards Lenora and his Grandma. Hell, he makes sly digs at Lenora in the book which is more of a way to make her see how cruel the world is, sorta a tough love kinda of thing. He's just not that affectionate, with how he grew up, it's a given.

But Tom brought so much more depth to the character that even I didn't see as much while reading the book. Which is why people are so drawn to him, it makes him easier to sympathize and like in the movie, all because Tom added even more layers (i need my onion emoji dammit). I mean, Arvin is complex as is in the book, a lot colder for sure, but with how Tom portrayed him you just get to think so much more on what could possibly be going on in Arvin's head. You can just see all sorts of emotions the character goes through, from being rash, to angry, to hatred, to fear, to sadness, to vulnerability and these emotions happen so close to each other that the switch is just incredibly impressive. When he charged towards those bullies to protect Lenora? This is where you can see that when he's filled with rage, he sometimes doesn't think things through. It was three against one with guys much bigger than him, it was obvious he was never going to win but he still did so anyway because he loved Lenora, he'd do anything to protect and avenge her, why? It's what his father taught him. It's what he saw when he was a kid, that no matter if it’s a violent act, he'll do it for the people that he loves. Like i said in the beginning, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

There so much like father like son moments in this film, which didn't even come off forced because I've seen in an interview where Bill and Tom read their lines together despite not having a scene together and oh did it pay off because you can see a little bit of the Willard you see on the first bit of the movie in Arvin all throughout, which is again, a testament to how great these actors are. Also, Tom's scenes together with Eliza are just wow. It's incredible how much they contrast each other but still be connected in a way, like Lenora is this sweet innocent girl who's kind hearted and is willing to forgive her father for whatever he could've done while Arvin, gosh, every mention of his father his face always falls stoic and it's so amazing to see Tom play that emotion so well with so little movement like a clench of his jaw or his eyes. Their relationship was just so wholesome. Even with that scene in the meat shop where Arvin was teasing his grandma, it was such a sweet moment to see that side of him because in the book, the interaction was just plain he said, she said which I interpreted as being nothing more than a casual conversation but in the movie it was more light-hearted which is so interesting given the a few moments later, you see Arvin's rage again and he was already in fight mode when that preacher insulted Emma's cooking (which was a so not okay that freakin imbecile) which again, slowly opens the doors to how far Arvin will go for the sake of protecting and avenging the ones he love. Also, the fact that they changed who found Lenora's body to Arvin instead of Earskell was far better. My heart freakin broke for that boy when he was screaming as he tried to keep her up in hopes that he could still save her. Thomas Stanley Holland man, that scene was just wow, it was a lot to take in. But that change only added as to how he was going to handle the preacher later in the movie.

What did impress me the most was the quick switch Tom makes with his emotions. First off, that moment with those bullies. He was relentless with how he handled them, just full on anger and hatred like when he beat those boys best believe I kept flinching because it looked painful as hell. And then he says, "I'll kill you." (with that thunder sound which was a really nice touch), and this is where you just see how he's someone you shouldn't mess with who can potentially do so much more damage (which he does). But the moment he gets in his car and closes the door? You see nothing but a kid who's downright scared of what he just did, he knew it was somewhat wrong, like he couldn't actually believe he did that in the first place but as he'd said, he did it because had to and felt like it was the only way, which is again, a callback to what he saw with his father with them 'bullies,' it drilled on him how that's the only way. But my goodness the way his hand shook, his breathing, the fear in his eyes, and then when he wiped the blood on his hand then that flashback with Willard? Yes yes yes, another like father like son moment.

It's the same thing with the way he handled the preacher, it was much more different in the book but I liked this version better. There's just something poetic about it being in the church all while Arvin confessed the preacher's sins for him, it was just amazing writing. But the way his hands shook when he was standing the first time he enters? Like he could’ve done it right then and there but he can't because he's scared. I mean the way his voice was breaking with that sinner line (which was so funny how they made it seem so badass in the trailer) he was trying to get himself together, like the way he was breathing so shakily shows his nerves and his fear. But as he reiterated all the disgusting things the preacher did, you see that rage bubble inside him, you see him slowly grow more confident because his fear was now replaced by anger. And once that his rage was at full capacity, the moment they started talking about Lenora? (Tom and Rob's exchange was amazing btw) He was able to shoot him down with one hand, shaking gone all because he was angry. But as soon as he's dead and the anger subsides, the fear is so quick to consume him, you see it the moment he sits down. And again with his eyes you see it all in his eyes, just Tom Frickin Holland everybody. That exchange was easily the best one.

As for his interaction with Carl and Sandy, his expressions in the back seat as he slowly realizes what was going to happen to him, it was just amazing. This is where you see more of Arvin actually being smart, he's a bit rash and compulsive sure but he is definitely smart. But now, you don't see his anger because he doesn't know this people, the only thing he knows is that they were trying to kill him. So notice how he shot Carl with two hands this time? and how he was shaking exactly as he pulled the trigger? Same with Sandy? Compare that to how he handled the preacher. Also his fear when he thought he got shot? The utter panic was just, though he did puke in the book which would've showed just how much he didn't like what he just did and how he felt so wrong. Same with his interaction with Lee, he knows how asses his situation and damn, I don’t know if its sheer dumb luck or this boy just got incredible aim, I mean he's practiced in the books and he's gotten good but you don't see it in the movie though. But still the same, you see more of him being regretful which just shows how complex he is as a character. And Tom showed all these emotions so freakin well without saying much at all. You just see it, which shows just how talented he is.

Everything somewhat came full circle in the end, he buried Jack's bones which what he's been wanting ever since. And he also buried the gun, which was somewhat him saying how he's had somewhat a closure with his father and that he's putting it all in the pass. And then we end the movie with him trying not to fall asleep which honestly what it felt like after watching the movie. I needed a breather. That last shot was so calming though it does make you wonder where he goes on from here.

My goodness I could go on and on about Tom's performance and I definitely missed so much more but I feel like this is long enough lmao. Also feel like i’ve missed a few moments in the movie as well. Now I hope people will see what good of an actor he is and to show that he's more than just playing Peter Parker. Right, that's enough. I'm going to say how many words in total this was but, it's a lot.

And that is it for The Devil All the Time. A very good movie, would want to watch again but damn, I feel like I need a nap because what a movie indeed.

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tagsecretsanta · 4 years ago

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From @Eirabach

to @cookidoughlilac

Secret Santa does not own this work, full credit to the author above!

And the soul felt its worth…

[Pen & Ink exchanging gifts by the fire + blink and you miss it Grandma/Kip]

A lone string of Christmas lights throw their soft light across the dash as Virgil turns Two over the North Sea, the cabin silent but for the muted roar of the engines, the earlier humming of carols forgotten as the night had fallen and the sea had risen. Two feels more like a cathedral in the quiet, anyway.

The fairy lights are probably illegal, Gordon wouldn’t know. Something to do with running lights and landing lights and all the other things he nods along to but never recalls. He leaves the legalities of Two’s flight plans to Virgil, the details to John, the refueling to Brains, the directions to Scott. He’d even left the fairy lights to Alan, this year. Virgil doesn't turn them off at least.

The tinsel on the yoke was him, but it’s crushed under Virgil’s grip now. White knuckles flashing red, blue, green. Glitter and gold peeking through the dirt. Gordon looks away, out into the night, ignores the flicker of his own reflection, the shapes behind him.

“Gordon --” In the reflection he sees Virgil’s eyes cut over to him, still a little too wide, a little too wet. He’d heard him, before. Muttering childhood prayers Gordon barely recalls, his head low over the sheets, his shoulders shaking. Gordon doesn’t shake. Gordon doesn’t blink. Virgil’s eyes narrow, and the tinsel crunches as he shifts his grip, turns his body. Gordon doesn’t move.

“It -- it isn’t your fault, you know.”

That’s worth a scoff at least, because Gordon knows that. He’s not an idiot and he’s not a martyr. There are only so many things he can do and the seas had been so high and the water so cold -- he knows. It’s not his first rodeo.

It’s Christmas Eve though.

It’s Christmas Eve, and somewhere, somewhere god only knows how many thousands of miles away, Scott’s hanging stockings with holes darned up and clementines stuffed in the toes and Brains is formulating gravy equations and Alan’s out on the hillside, waiting for them all to come home.

Not everyone comes home. Gordon’s known that almost as long as he’s known his own name.

It ought to get easier.

It doesn’t.

Somewhere beyond Two’s nose lie the bright lights of the GDF facility. White fluorescence to match Virgil’s knuckles, the sheets in the cargo hold. Nothing soft about them, just all blaring harshness, honest in their ugliness.

You don't get to have this.

They don’t get to have this.

Two isn’t a subtle craft, she leaves the medical crew trembling, windswept and silent as she settles, their mouths moving but their words drowned by the VTOL. Their words are hopeless anyway, and by far the least of all the things that have drowned tonight. They pull the shrouded losses out, one, two, three, roll them onto stretchers and bow their heads as they wheel them away. The base commander is talking -- Two is silent now, waiting -- but the roaring in Gordon’s ears hasn’t stopped, hasn’t dimmed, just swallows up platitudes until his stomach roils with them.

Virgil drops a hand to his shoulder, big and heavy and warm, and he juts his chin out just a little further. Tenses his muscles until his jaw aches.

“-- everything that you could,” the base commander says, and he’s looking at Gordon. Looking at Gordon with bloodshot eyes ringed in black, and Gordon -- Gordon knows that he’s lying. Virgil’s fingers tighten. Virgil knows too.

They turn their backs on the too bright runway and retreat to the soft glow of the cockpit. Gordon flicks at the take off switches without really seeing them, the action ingrained in his fingertips. Beside him he hears Virgil sigh -- long-suffering, meaningful, Virgil -- and bites the inside of his cheek until he tastes blood.

“Okay,” Virgil says, “okay. Setting eight niner.”

Gordon’s hand stills over the Nav switch.

“That’s not --”

“My ship, my route. Eight niner.”

“Where are you taking me?”

“Gordon --”

“Don’t, okay? Just --” He takes a steadying breath, tries out a smile. Fails to meet Virgil’s eyes. “It’s Christmas.”

Christmas, with all its tradition, its expectations. Alan and Scott and John down on Earth for a whole 48 hours. Grandma's cooking and the caterers Kayo never admits to booking. Hand knitted stockings and rustling golden paper and smiling. Because Dad's back, and it's Christmas and it's perfect, isn't it?

He's going to have to do so much smiling. It’s expected. Required. Needed.

Gordon doesn’t feel especially capable of being what anyone needs right now.

Virgil stares at him a beat too long. He does that, too often and to all of them, but Gordon’s always been the least able to brush him off. Grandma says he’s as transparent as the ocean he loves, bright and blue and honest, his very heart on display for anyone who so much as glances at him, his storms as grey and as frightening, his veins polluted by the ugly things they pull up from his depths.

And Virgil knows that, too.

“Yeah,” he says. “Call it a Christmas present.”

---

Penelope holds the bowl of her teacup in both hands, her nose close enough to the edge that she can feel the last wisps of heat rising from the dregs. It’s a bitter night. Further north than here she knows there’s a storm raging the likes of which will be sure to make the Christmas Day bulletins, and she presses her fingertips a little harder into the porcelain.

The fire’s still burning as brightly as it ever has, at least. Parker had been careful to build it back up for her before she’d sent him to his regular spot at the Lamb and Flag -- it’s almost midnight and you know they won’t shut before you arrive, Parker. Parker had scoffed at her, eyes rolling, but he’d made sure to bring down the old crystal sherry glass and leave a mince pie beside her cooling teapot. Old traditions long since grown out of, but still -- still.

It’s a terrible night to be out in a storm.

Bertie huffs in his sleep, and she curls her bare toes under his belly. There’s a childishness to the way she still spends her Christmas Eves tucked up on the hearthside rug, antique crystal glinting in the firelight, dog drool seeping into Turkish silk. A certainty and a peace in it that she loves, still, even if the thrum of childhood anticipation has dimmed, and really -- there’s nowhere else she would rather be. Really.

It’s just --

Well.

Perhaps just for one night of the year, she ought to embrace being lonely. And she does. She enjoys it, even. The solitude and the softness of this one, magical night. It’s just this year -- this one year --

He’d asked. Coy and quiet in that way he only ever is with her, dark eyes focussed on his toes scuffing through the sand, and the yes, of course and the where else would I be had been right on the very tip of her tongue, and then Alan had come hooting past them, bodyboard under his arm and father on his heels and --

And Christmas is a time for family, after all.

Later, too late, John had let slip that Grandma had her own guest arriving and Scott had huffed that I’ve already made you a stocking Lady P, seriously, but she’d already seen his light shutter at the shake of her head. Already disappointed him enough.

Maybe the loneliness feels a little less like peace this year.

Maybe that’s her own fault.

The flames stutter as the wind outside picks up and she takes that as a sign that it’s time for bed. Her knees are a little stiffer than they ought to be -- too many hours on her feet in six inch heels followed by too long sitting on the thin rug -- and she sways slightly as she reaches to put the teacup down. Exhaustion, probably, though just like the loneliness there’s no real reason for it. She was invited. She was. She has no one to blame tonight but herself.

“Honestly, Penelope,” she huffs as Bertie rolls himself closer to the hearth. “Do get a grip.”

The wind howls again, agreement and encouragement in one, and she turns to draw the curtains. Outside, the sky is cold. Starless, but for four patches of whitehot flame.

Green.

Green?

She slips sideways on the edge of the rug as she bolts for the door, her hands shamefully unsteady as she fumbles with the deadbolts. Her comm’s where she left it, still and silent on the occasional table, but Virgil’’s here, and Virgil must have a reason and it’s Christmas --

She flings the door open, pulls her dressing gown tighter around her at the blast of frigid air as Two settles across the driveway and east lawn. She looks well enough -- solid and dependable as ever -- and Penelope can see the gentle, reassuring flicker of Christmas lights through her windscreen.

Not that sort of visit, then. Not tonight.

The backdraft dies away, the engines winding down, but Two still sits, silent, as though waiting. For her, she assumes. Unless Parker has plans he’d failed to announce. She steps out into the night, her toes curling against the chill of the stone steps, and turns her face up toward the embarkation hatch.

There’s a clanging from within, something metallic and a heavy scuffling sort of sound, and then the hatch begins to lower and her heart finally settles from somewhere in the vicinity of her throat to drop back into the space where it belongs.

“Merry Christmas, Lady P!” Virgil calls, waving brightly with the arm that isn’t wrapped around his younger brother’s shoulders, and she laughs, letting it ring out, musical and genuine through the night air.

“Virgil! Are you moonlighting as Old Saint Nick this year?”

“Something like that,” he says, cheerfully enough, but as they reach the ground she can see that his grip on Gordon is ever so slightly too tight, his smile just a little too strained. “Even brought my best elf along for the ride.”

“Oh, I know that can’t possibly be true,” she teases, even as her eyes roam over Gordon’s downcast face, the grime in his hair, the salt trails on his cheeks. “Elves are helpful, biddable little creatures are they not?”

“Depends on the legend,” says Virgil wryly, and then he’s releasing Gordon and stepping back onto the platform, rising back up even as Penelope gapes and Gordon stares unseeingly at his feet. “Call me when you need me, ok?”

---

Gordon isn’t entirely sure if Virgil’s speaking to him or Penelope, not sure if it matters either way, because he’s disappearing back into the bowels of Two and it might be too dark to see his expression as the VTOL roars back to life, but Gordon hasn’t had Virgil as his wingman all his life not to know he’s a smug bastard when it suits him.

Beside him Penny rolls up onto her toes, once, twice, then claps her hands together.

“So, do you think he’ll be parking Two behind the Lamb and Flag for a glass of Advocaat while he waits, or -- “

“You’re not wearing any shoes.” He blinks, but no, he’s not going mad. Her bare toes are still twitching at the edge of his vision, shell pink nails against pale skin, and he’s struck by the memory of the sailor’s feet, bare and blue and so so cold no matter what he did, no matter how hard he --

“Gordon?” Penelope isn’t blue, she’s pink and gold and flushed by the cold. The tip of her nose and the apples of her cheeks and he doesn’t even realise he’s doing it until it’s too late, until he’s burying his face into the warm skin of her neck, leaving salty, filthy handprints on the silk of her nightgown. “Oh, Gordon.”

“It’s -- it’s nothing, all right?” He turns to steer her back into the house, tries to ignore the set of her shoulders under his hands, the way she looks at him as though -- as though she knows. “Come on, come on, you’re gonna freeze out here in that get up. It’s nice, by the way. Very nice.” He holds her out at arms length and waggles his eyebrows. “Expecting company were you?”

Penelope narrows her eyes. “I was expecting to go to bed.”

“I mean, that can be arranged, right?” He wrinkles his nose, looking up briefly -- considering. “I wonder how many Advocaats Virgil can drink and still be legal to fly?”

“Gordon, do you think I’m a complete fool?” she scoffs, spinning on her heel to face him as they reach the warmth of the parlour fire. He hadn’t even known where he was going, and isn’t that just always the way with her? “What happened.”

He shrugs, a last half hearted denial, and Penelope drops to sit cross legged on the rug, her right hand coming to rest on Bertie’s side.

“All right,” she says. “If you don’t want to tell me.”

“I don’t,” he agrees.

She quirks an eyebrow.

“Ugh, fine.” Gordon collapses next to her in an exhausted, grubby heap. “It was a shitshow tonight.”

“Well, that’s only to be expected.”

Gordon gapes. “Uh, thanks? Jesus, Penny.”

“That isn’t what I --” She takes a deep breath and shakes her head. “I only mean that it’s Christmas Eve, isn’t it? Everything seems so much more tonight. Good and bad.”

“This was -- this was pretty bad.”

“Pretty bad?”

“The worst.”

Penny reaches over, entwines the fingers of her left hand with his right, and squeezes.

“I’m sorry, darling.”

Gordon hums a miserable little noise, and turns their hands over so that he can lift her knuckles to his mouth and drop a kiss against the thin skin.

“Do you know what the worst bit was?” He feels more than sees the shake of Penny’s head. “Those guys tonight, they should have been going home to their family, and they can’t. And I can, but -- why me, you know? I’ve got my brothers and Grandma and Dad and you and I can’t -- I can’t figure out why me and not them.”

Penny scooches closer until their knees knock together and she can lean in to press her forehead against his. She smells like cinnamon and clove and woodsmoke and he basks in her warmth for a long moment before pulling back.

“Penny --”

“No.” His eyes snap to hers, then. Big and blue and fierce in that way that he’s always been helpless around. “I refuse. I don’t accept that you are somehow less worthy -- Gordon Tracy, you’re the most worthy man I know and I’m sorry, I am, I’m terribly desperately sorry for the families of those poor men, but if you’re telling me that I ought to lose you instead -- then I refuse. Outright.” She sniffs, all old money and utter certainty. “There’s not a soul on this planet I’d exchange for you. You know that.” Gordon blinks at her, and a little crease appears between her eyebrows. “You -- you do know that, don’t you?”

“You didn’t want to come for Christmas.” He practically breathes it, hadn’t even known the words were there before they were already dropping from his mouth, and he immediately wishes he could cram them all back in because that’s -- that’s a declaration, a thing, a dream come goddamn true and all he can do is complain? Penelope’s expression twists guiltily and Gordon decides to just go drown himself in the ornamental pond and be done with it.

“I thought -- I wanted you to have a family Christmas, your father --”

But his mouth’s running away from him again and baby Jesus come save him from himself because, “-- but you’re my family, Pen. I wanted you.”

He isn’t entirely sure what sort of reaction he expects to get to a declaration like that, hadn’t been expecting to make it at all to be honest, but Penny launching herself into his lap, elbows flying -- he’s really not sure if he should be glad or frightened. He’s definitely winded. “Oof.”

She laughs, a little wild, the way she hardly ever laughs around anyone else, and digs her really very bony elbow into his solar plexus. “Don’t be rude!”

“Really?” He grins despite himself as she settles her weight meaningfully against him, one hearth-warm hand coming up to caress his cheek. “Is this my present? I didn’t even bring you one.”

“Yes.” She smiles, soft and sweet and just for him. Something inside him, something that froze out in the North Sea, melts between his ribs. It aches, a little. He loves it a lot. “Yes, you did.”

“Oh.” Penny shifts her weight once more. With uh -- feeling. “Oh.”

She quirks an eyebrow at him, her robe dropping open slightly as she leans forward, “Oh?”

Gordon swallows, his throat clicking. “Virgil will be -- he’ll be okay, right?”

“I’m sure Parker will keep him company.” Her hand is already at his zipper and that sort of sounds like a threat to his brother’s safety but -- hey. Priorities.

He shrugs. Smiles. Lets himself forget for a night. This one night, at least.

“Well then. A very Happy Christmas to Virgil. And uh -- to me.”

“Gordon?”

“Mmm?”

“Shut up.”

---

They don’t mention Virgil again, not until the fire has long since burned out. It’s a draught from the newly opened door that wakes her, reaching out for them with chilly fingers where they lie curled around each other on the too-small chaise. Penelope blinks blearily up at the dark figures in the doorway -- blue-green and grey against the pallor of the oncoming dawn.

“Merry Christmas,” one of them says, whiskey rough and exhausted, and she shifts her gaze down to where Gordon lies, still grubby and pale but peaceful and so beautiful in sleep, and smiles.

“Merry Christmas indeed.”

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds 2014 #tag team secret santa #secret santa 2020 #Gordon Tracy #Lady Penelope #Gordon x Penelope #Virgil Tracy

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padfootagain · 4 years ago

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Hello everyone! I'm so happy to host a new event for my blog! It has been a while since I made one of these writing events, and I hope you will enjoy it! I've organized it to celebrate my blog hitting 4.7k followers!!! This is unbelievable, tbh, I have no idea what you guys are doing around here, but thank you so much for it anyway!!

So, for the coming weeks, I'll be writing your requests, that you can send me using the prompts I'm proposing in this post, under the cut! I hope you'll have fun!

Carole, what is going on now?

For this event, I'll be answering some prompts! The idea is simple: you choose one of the characters I write for and a few prompts, and I will write a one-shot for the character you have chosen, using the prompts you have chosen. You can also indicate more details that you would like to be included in your request (a specific AU or situation… ). It's super easy, and it makes you choose what I'll write for the next 2 or 3 weeks!

How do we request something?

In order to send a request, all you have to do is send me an ask through my inbox (please, do not use the dms, it is much harder to manage for me and I will probably forget about your request…). You can choose between 1 and 5 prompts amongst the prompts listed below the cut. The prompts are pieces of dialogue, and it will be my job to imagine a scenario where the characters use these lines. Choose also a character. It has to be a character in my masterlist (at the exception of Billy Russo and Regulus Black, their requests are closed). If you're a little shy, don't hesitate to switch on the anon function, I will still accept your request! Please, only ask for one request, because I want to write for as many people as possible.

And that's it! Super easy, isn't it?

A sum up?

In order to get a one-shot:

-Choose a character in my masterlist (except for Billy Russo and Regulus Black, their requests are closed)

-Choose between 1 and 5 prompts that you would like to see appear in your one-shot. There are 100 of them, and they are all gathered below the cut! No need to send me the whole prompt, just send me the number corresponding to your prompts!

-Send me a message through my inbox (no private messages)

-You can only make one request, so choose wisely ;)

-You can ask as an anon if you're a little shy

-I'll be working hard on your request, so a little nice message or at least a 'hello' would be lovely :)

The requests will be open for 48 hours (September 8 – September 10 2020), and they are open beginning… right now! The duration for the opened requests for the event might change, depending on how many requests I receive.

Please, be understanding that there is no way for me to judge if this event will be popular or not. If I receive too many requests, I won't be able to write all of them. I'm sorry if I don't have time to go to your request, please, be understanding if that happens. But maybe I'll have time to write all of them! It is hard for me to judge beforehand.

I hope you have fun with this event, and thank you all again for your support!

The prompts for the event are listed below. For a few of them, they might include several lines. All prompts are given a number, all you have to do is send me the number corresponding to the prompts you want, no need to type the whole thing in the ask.

Have fun!

NB: I have no idea why so many of those give off some serious idiots in love and idiots to lovers energy, but… it happened…

1."KISSES!"

2. "You are too far away."

"I am literally on the couch with you..."

"But are you in my arms? No. See? Too far away."

3. "If you weren't so cute, I would break your legs right now."

4. "Wait… are you jealous?"

5. "Stars and tequila. It's perfect."

"No. Stars, tequila and you. That it perfect."

6."I think I've made a mistake. Very big mistake. The kind that makes me wonder if I should escape to another country..."

7. "I WANT MY COOKIES!!"

8. "Maybe I love you a little too much, and that's why it hurts sometimes."

9. "Does it hurt?"

"Not that... OUCH!"

10. "I can't believe you got punched in the face."

"For you. I got punched in the face for you."

11. "It's dark, and it's late, and I'm cold and I'm drenched with this freaking rain and yet all I can think about is that I love you."

12. "I know you don't love me. It's okay. I will be whatever you want me to be."

13. "You don't need to love me for me to love you, you know? That's not how loving works. It would save us all from a lot of pain if it did."

14. "What do you mean you have a date?"

15. "I propose that we get excessively drunk and then ruin our lives as a consequence. Sounds good?"

16. "I'll always be here for you. Don't you know that by now? That I'll never leave?"

17. "I think we need... to make something explode."

18. "I'm pretty stupid, aren't I?"

19. "Huh... is that my shirt you're wearing?"

20. "I miss you. I hate it. I hate you. I love you."

21. "I'm proud to be with you."

22. "So... huh... are we gonna mention that you've just snogged me or...?"

23. "What do you mean lying to your family about us? What do you mean you need a 'plus one'?"

24. "I have only one thing to say: that is the stupidest idea I've ever heard. Let's do it."

25. "Huh... were you going to... propose?!"

26. "Will you marry me?"

27. "Look... I don't mean to be blunt but... you and me, it's a forever kind of thing. And there's no escape from that."

28. "Fate? Me loving you, you think it's fate? Nah, it's not fate. It's a choice. I choose to love you and to give you everything I own and everything I am every single day. And that's why what we have is true love."

29. "Do you have ANY idea of how worried I was about you?"

30. "I think you've just… puked on my shoes."

31. "I swear, if you die, I'm going to kill you."

32. "You're perfect."

33. "I love you. Do you think you could ever love me too?"

34. "Cuddles, cuddles, cuddles!"

35. "I'm sorry. For everything. I'm not going to ask you to forgive me though, cause I know that I don't deserve it."

36. "Just… shut up and kiss me."

37. "Please… stay."

38. "But if you leave now, what am I going to do with the rest of my life?"

39. "I don't want anything but you."

40. "You deserve so much more than what I can give you."

41. "I wish I did, but I don't deserve you."

42. "You make me so happy, it hurts a little."

43. "What if we don't make it?"

44. "Are you… are you bleeding?"

45. "I… I'm begging you… if you must kill someone, then kill me. But please, please… let him/her go."

46. "I can't lose you."

47. "What do you mean… you're pregnant?"

48. "You are so annoying…"

49. "You're an idiot. I love you."

50. "Don't leave me. Don't ever leave me…"

51. "Well… that was hot."

52. "So… good morning?"

"We're in the same bed. What the fuck are we doing in the same bed?!"

53. "I mean, we don't have a choice… there's only one bed. And I am not sleeping on that dirty carpet."

54. "Us being together, it's a terrible idea."

55. "LOOK! IT'S SNOWING!"

56. "This is the worst Halloween costume I have ever seen."

57. "Promise you'll always love me."

58. "I need your word. Promise me that you'll come back to me."

59. "So… does that mean… farewell?"

60. "I think we’re excellent at making memories.”

61. "Did you… did you sleep with him/her?"

62. "Where are you?"

63. "BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!"

64. "Dear God… I'm surrounded by idiots…"

65. "I don't want you to go with him/her. I want you to choose me instead."

66. "What if we stayed in bed all day?"

67. "You fool! Fear my wrath!"

"Babe, you're threatening me with a broccoli, it is not very convincing."

68. "Karaoke night!"

69. "I am full of surprises!”

“Sadly, yes, you are...”

70. "Dance with me. Please?"

71. "I would do anything to convince you to give me a chance."

72. "I know it's hard. I know that life keeps on getting in the way. But I love you. I love you with my entire being, and I'm willing to fight for you. I'm willing to fight to keep you."

73. "Are you… are you crying?"

74. "Stop stealing my blanket!"

75. "Happy New Year!"

76. "Merry Christmas!"

77. "Is that for me?"

78. "Happy birthday!"

79. "So… is that… a date?"

80. "What do you mean it was a date? It wasn't a date!"

"Of course, it was a date!"

81. "Well… that… was a good kiss…"

82. "I'm a complete moron! I'm an idiot! I am the epitome of stupidity! It took me forever to realize it, but now I see it, and I'll be damned if I let you walk away. Because it took me all that time to realize it, but I love you. I love you so much. It's always been you."

83. "Are you drinking my cocoa?"

84. "Please, just… hold me. Please, hold me close."

85. "I'm cold."

"I'll keep you warm."

"Nice try!"

86. "It hasn't stopped snowing. We're stuck. We're gonna die."

87. "I AM NOT DYING HERE! IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE! WITH YOU!"

"I know that the important information here is that we're gonna die, but I'm very upset that you don't want to do it specifically with me. Why not? I'm a dream!"

88. "Can I try some of your food?"

89. "I should have told you long ago."

"Tell me what?"

"That I love you."

90. "I am not going through a thirty-hours drive with you. There is absolutely no way."

91. "I used to hate you. Then, I simply disliked you. Now, I hate you all over again."

"Well, the feeling is mutual. But maybe it'll change."

92. "I really like you."

"I love you."

93. "Well, if you really were that clever, then you would know that I love you!"

94. "You have fever, you need to drink this. Come on, now."

95. "I just… I feel like I'm truly myself when I'm with you. I want to be myself when I'm with you. So now, if you're scared, don't call it love yet. But whatever you want to call it, it's incredible, and I'm not going to give up on this. I'm not going to give up on us."

96. "You're my home."

97. "Why is summer so hot?! I'm melting!"

98. "Have you ever felt like… memories get attached to a word and they almost change their meanings? Like… whenever someone says 'apple' I think of my grandma's pies, to the point that I almost forget that they're talking about the fruit. Well… your name… it's the same for love. When I think of love, I think of you."

99. "What wish did you make?”

“To spend the rest of my life with you.”

100. "If you only let me spend the rest of my life with you, I'd be happy with that. I don't ask for anything else, really. My life is complete as long as you're in it."

#event #4700 followers #writing prompts #prompts

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honeyhenry · 5 years ago

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Brother Bubba

this was my first piece of writing so I'm extremely nervous posting! pls be kind if offering any feedback. also this took way longer to write than I intended so I’m sorry if anyone has been waiting for it!

word count: 2k+

warnings: pregnant!reader, lots of fluff, copious amounts of Dodger Evans

enjoy!

Chris sighs as he pulls the large BMW into the driveway. He had of course, ensured that the journey from the hospital was cautious and careful - completely different from the journey taken from home to the hospital only 2 days ago. In his defence, you had yelled at him, telling him to “step on it, I refuse to have this baby in a car Chris I swear!!”

So this time, on the journey back to the large 5-bedroom house, he stays vigilant despite being away for most of the last 48 hours, wary of every turn on the drive home, holding the most precious cargo that at one point he could only possibly dream of. His wife and newborn son.

His family.

For the majority of his career, Chris had been known as one of America’s finest bachelors. Sure, he had friends to hang out with, and a schedule that led to a series of relationships burning out, or indeed them lighting his house on fire with him trapped inside. Metaphorically, of course. And so it had been just him, until one life changing moment a few years ago. Suddenly, it wasn’t just him, anymore.

Because then came Dodger.

Chris’ best friend in the whole world and someone who he could rely on for company, loyalty, and comfort. Chris wanted the whole “picket fence” life, and had thought that he may as well be a step ahead with adopting a fun energetic dog. There had been an instantaneous love and trust between the two, and so Chris reckoned that anyone who he wanted to keep in his life for the long-term, had to pass the Dodger test. Anything less than love and respect shown by and towards the sweet dog, was a small but still quite blaring red flag.

But Dodger had taken to you, almost instantly in fact. He saw you as wholesome and trustworthy, even when Chris himself was still working out what your relationship was blossoming into. Whether Dodger’s adoration of you was due to your character, or the fact that you always loved to sneak him some treats whenever his owner wasn’t looking, Chris couldn’t be sure. But he was glad of Dodger’s approval even during the awkward “what exactly are we?” stage in the beginning.

It was safe to say that the pup had in fact deduced your character, as even though the treats had eventually been halted - ”Y/N, he’s getting a bit of a belly and we’re running low on treats” - Dodger made sure to have a toy or pillow just to give to you when you started going round to Chris’ place more. You were so good to Chris - you made him question if he’d ever fully lived before meeting you, and so Dodger didn’t mind that he was kept out of his owner’s room every now and then. As long as it was made up for in the morning with snuggles that Dodger knew he could get from you. Whenever Chris would leave to go to the bathroom, he’d come back to find that you’d let Dodger in to cuddle and pet him.

“You’re gonna replace me with Dodge, Y/N? Really? My own mutt?” he’d ask, mock hurt while you giggled from between the sheets, stroking Dodger’s soft fur.

“Well it’s hardly my fault you Evans boys are so whiny for cuddles”

And so, after two happy, loving years spent with Chris and his closest buddy, navigating through this new life you’d created together, Chris knew you were the one.

He’d have told Dodger the proposal plans, alongside a couple of your and his own family members.

“S’not just gonna be you and me anymore bubba; but that’s a good thing I promise. Gonna make sure you have lots of friends to play with though, a bigger house and a bigger yard to run around in. Mom and I are gonna be forever bubba, and you’re always in the picture, i promise.”

And he fully kept his promise, only delighted to do so when you cried and said yes as he had got down on one knee. The wedding was held a year on from that night he proposed, and only a month following your honeymoon, you found out that Dodger would have a little friend to play with after all.

During your pregnancy, Dodger was incredibly protective of you. Sometimes not even Chris was allowed past Dodger, particularly after a day at work when he’d been working and ended up smelling or looking different to his normal dusky scent and fresh face. Dodger liked to bark and growl at whoever got what he deemed to be too close, to make sure you weren’t left vulnerable and alone with nothing but a belly full of Evans.

You never had to complain about a lack of love or protection - not with your two boys almost fighting over you for cuddles or kisses. Most nights, Dodger would put his big fluffy head on your stomach and rest there, being as close as he could to his growing friend. It was fair to say that Dodger’s big head and Chris’ hands fought for who got to feel the baby move around the most.

Baby Evans would be completely impartial of course, rolling around for anyone who brought a sense of comfort. Nobody missed out - you were all family.

Therefore, as Dodger has truly been part of so much of your life, it was only fair that Chris felt bad for leaving him for the past 2 days. Of course, his sister had come over to feed him and play with him, however Chris wanted to make sure that his bubba knew he’d not been forgotten by you or him.

But leaving had been worth it, as this time, you and Chris now return to your family home with someone brand new for your lovable dog to meet.

After parking the car, he turns to face you in the backseat as you gaze fondly over the tiny person wrapped up and buckled into the big clunky safe car seat. Your little angel, your honeymoon baby who was most definitely conceived in the villa you’d rented out for 3 weeks in The Bahamas for your honeymoon.

Your husband smiles at you, watching you interact with your son. You feel his gaze on you and you look up to him, not even the impact of the sheer exhaustion you felt course through your body, could change how lovingly he looked at you. It still makes you blush.

“I love him so much.” You whisper, to Chris, to yourself, to anyone who will listen. “ And yes, before you ask, he’s totally fine, still hasn’t woken up. he’s even clutching his tiny teddy.” Chris looks at you the same way you’ve been looking at your newborn son. In utter adoration.

However he soon springs into action, helping you out of the car, using his strength to lift out the baby carrier from the backseat. He gently fixes the blanket on top of his son’s tiny body, a blanket knitted for the newborn Evans by his Chris’ own Ma - now a Grandma to his own child, not just his nieces and nephews. He smiles at the thought of his whole family getting to meet his son, and his son getting to grow up in a huge family full of love and laughter. Putting the carrier next to you at the front door, he retrieves the rest of the luggage, before he grabbing his keys to open the door.

He hears a bark. Then another. And then, a few excitable, louder woofs.

You can both hear Dodger jumping up at the door and so mutually decide for Chris to enter first, going straight to the mutt, cuddling him and letting him jump around in excitement. Chris fluffs his pup’s ears as he laughs at Dodger’s rambunctious behaviour, getting all his pent up energy out while you try to sneak past the two of them having their moment, taking the baby carrier to the living room.

“Hey Dodge! Yeah it’s me, your old man, and Mom is here too!!! Yeah Mommy’s here!! And we have a big surprise for you - we’re gonna introduce you to your new brother! Your baby brother huh, yeah that’s right bubba!” Chris smiles, still laughing and talking away to Dodger who he’s missed just as much the past couple of days. It makes you so happy to see the bond between your man and his ever loyal dog.

Before you know it, Dodger has lost interest in Chris - “Sorry Chris, I guess I’m his favourite now” you had said when you first got together - keen to see you and whatever the new smelling thing is that you’ve brought home.

Finally, the momentous occasion had arrived. the first meeting of Chris’ special boys. You had both been a little nervous for the newest arrival to be introduced to Dodger, given how loving and excitable he could be. But you both trusted him, and your gut instincts, and decided that if you wanted everything to be as normal as possible, then Dodger was going to be with you all from the first day you bring the baby home, and start their sure to be close bond from then.

You take your son out, cradling him close to your chest. From Dodger’s viewpoint, he can see Mom, but also two tiny socked feet. Chris is holding his bubba’s collar, but only loosely as Dodger settles down beside you quickly and quietly.

“Okay easy bud, we’re gonna introduce you now to someone really special. Good boy, Dodge, nice and calm.” Dodger sits patiently, still sniffing at the new smell, but can tell that whatever is happening is important.

You smile, thankful that your pup is staying true to his kind nature. “It’s ok Chris, he’s fine. Dodge honey - this is CJ.”

You lower down your sweet baby to your lap where Dodger can see. CJ is a small, delicate bundle, with a soft mop of dark hair, while his long delicate lashes rest on soft cheeks. You’ve only seen his little peepers once today as you changed him before you left the hospital, but it’s only when Dodger nudges a foot with his nose that CJ opens his eyes again. You smile, and Chris breathes a sigh of relief as Dodger makes no plans to act suddenly or nastily.

“Yeah sweetheart” you address the bundle on your lap, “that’s Dodger. That’s your big brother. He’s been looking after you so much already, and you’re gonna have so much fun with him.” Dodger rests his head on your lap by the sweet boy and sniffs at him, while CJ slowly flutters his big eyes, sleep planning to take him once more.

“Good boy Dodge...good job buddy” Chris pats Dodger, as he watches the scene before him slowly unfold, just as it had in his dreams. Dodgers big eyes are just staring at the baby, and apart from the odd sniff now and then, he doesn’t move. Already, he wants to make sure that his little buddy is good.

You turn to Chris. “See, I told you he’d be fine”.

CJ closes his eyes ready for some more sleep and Dodger turns to look at Chris, which makes him laugh softly.

“Yeah bud he can’t play right now, not like your old man here. But give him a little while and he’ll be chasing you round the garden like nobody’s business.”

Chris goes to give his oldest bud more pats, wanting to let him know what a good job he’s doing already, but quickly Dodger rushes off, only to return with his favourite toy lion, planting it on your lap right next to your newborn son.

“Ohhh thank you bubba”, you nearly cry at the sweet gesture. “What do you say CJ? We say ‘Thank you Dodger’”.

Chris smiles. He’ll take the hospital stuff upstairs later but for now you’re his priority. Well, not just you now, but baby CJ too. His family.

He looks at Dodger resting his head by his lion and CJ, knowing already that the loyal pup would do anything for his little brother. He made no mistake in starting this family with a loveable, trustworthy dog.

He couldn’t have chosen a better best friend and protector for his son, Chris reckons.

---------------

let me know what you think!

i am also taking requests for drabbles & lists!

#chris evans x reader #chris evans writing #chris evans au #dodger evans #daddy!chris evans #daddy!chris #chris evans #my writing

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iggy-theeskimo · 4 years ago

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Thanks for the tag sweetie @he4rtofsteel💖✨

1. What are you wearing? Jeans that look like grandpa's jeans, a colorful crop top with a lilac knit sweater.

2. Ever been in love? Of course, Grace Slick, Brian Jones, David Gilmour, Syd Barrett, Nick Mason, David Bowie.

3. Ever had a terrible breakup? Yup.

4. How tall are you? 1,60cm (I don't know how much it would be in feet and inches, sorry)

5. How much do you weigh? Around 56kg.

6. Any tattoos you want? I would like it but I would have to think of a tattoo that I want too much, because I am very indecisive and it may be that after a while that tattoo does not mean anything to me, but I would like to tattoo an octopus on my left arm (like John Frusciante's, don't ask why).

7. Any piercings you want? For now, nah. Not my favorite thing.

8. OTP? A what? I'm🤡

9. Favourite show(s)? I don't watch a lot TV but I like That 70's Show, Seindfeld, The Office, Game of Thrones and a lot of varied documentaries.

10. Favourite band? My favorite bands always vary actually, but the one that I consider my favorite forever is Pink Floyd (I think it was obvious)

11. Something you miss? I miss being able to go to the outskirts of the city for a while, being among the mountains and putting my feet in the river, I hope I can do it again soon.

12. Favourite song(s)? Well, there are many but the ones I have been listening to often for now are: Wild World by Cat Stevens, My Sweet Lord by George Harrison, Always See Your Face by Love, See-Saw by Pink Floyd and I'd Rather Go Blind by Etta James.

13. How old are you? I turn 16 in a few days :)

14. Zodiac Sign? Virgo like Freddy Mercury and Roger Waters.

15. Hair Colour? Dark blonde but not so dark

16. Favourite Quote? Many. “Solo en sueños, en la poesía, en el juego —encender una vela, andar con ella por el corredor— nos asomamos a veces a lo que fuimos antes de ser esto que vaya a saber si somos” by Julio Cortázar in his book Rayuela. ("Only in dreams, in poetry, in games - lighting a candle, walking with it down the corridor - do we sometimes peek into what we were before being this, who will know if we are").

17. Favourite singer? Janis Joplin, Freddy Mercury, David Gilmour, Robert Plant, Judy Garland, Florence Welch, Joan Baez and surely I forget many.

18. Favourite colour(s)? Brown, dark green, yellow, gold, purple and silver.

19. Loud music or soft music? Both actually, quiet music low and hard music louder.

20. Where do you go when you’re sad? I like to be in nature (same as the girl who nominated me)

21. How long does it take you to shower? 30 minutes/one hour lmao, I like to take a relaxing bath but it depends on how long I have.

22. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 20 or 30 minutes.

23. Ever been in a physical fight? Nope, I'm pretty calm. In 2018 a classmate wanted to hit me after school for being a weirdo but I was able to stop the fight in time, something bad would have happened to me because I can't hit anyone ;)

24. Turn on(s)? Effective communicator, being kind to others, helping others, respectful towards others, someone who doesn’t like conflict and prefers peace, compassion, good sense of humour, groovy sense of style, good taste in music, non-verbal communication, respecting my need for space and respecting that I value my personal freedom, open minded but has their own opinions, willing to enlighten me, being able to let go and be free with me, piercing eyes, nice smile, being able to understand me (same as the girl who nominated me again)

25. Turn off(s)? Manipulation or toxic actions, being disrespectful, inappropriate jokes, believing that you are better than everyone, not being grateful, not respecting my personal space and personal things, etc, etc.

26. The reason I joined Tumblr? I wanted to get into a place where I can share my nonsense and taste, share ideas and jokes in a non-toxic place like Twitter. Luckily the people I have talked here are nice and the pink floyd community and other bands are pretty good💖✨.

27. Fears? Many people are afraid of the death of oneself but I am more afraid of the death of my loved ones, the ocean gives me a lot of panic (although I would love to dive) and I am afraid of being standing next to a statue or something carved with shape that is bigger than me, like the cat litter statues in Egyptian.

28. Last thing that made you cry? The movie about Judy Garland, gosh💔.

29. Last time you cried? Last night.

30. Meaning behind your URL? Iggy the Eskimo is the nickname of the naked girl who is in some photos of Syd Barrett's The Madcap Laughs, and I love her so much (not much of a story behind my URL really).

31. Last book you read? Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury, very good.

32. Last song you listened to? Green is the Colour by Pink Floyd.

33. Last show you watched? The Office.

34. Last person you talked to? My grandma or my boyfriend, I don't remember.

35. The relationship between you and the person you last texted? They are my grandmother and my boyfriend, I mean ?

36. Favorite food? Pasta :) if you want my heart just give me pasta. And I'm trying to start being a vegetarian.

37. Place you want to visit? I want to travel all the world really, but Greece, London, Scotland, India and Nordic countries are my fav.

38. Last place you were? The last place where I traveled? To Bariloche, south of Argentina in January of this year :)

39. Do you have a crush? Yup.

40. Last time you kissed someone? Some days ago i guess.

41. Last time you were insulted and what was it? It's weird that people insult me because I don't usually do bad things and mostly when I'm surrounded by people they rarely notice me, so I really don't remember when they last insulted me.

42. What color underwear are you wearing? Calm down honey

43. What colour shirt are you wearing? Multicolour, are these t-shirts that are dyed.

44. What colour bottoms are you wearing? Dark blue jeans.

45. Wearing any bracelets? Noup, although I usually wear some.

46. Last sport you played? Maybe volleyball in February at school (I probably played bad).

47. Last song you sang? I sing pieces of songs all day so I don't remember which one was the last one.

48. Last prank call you remember doing? Idk, maybe when I was younger and have friends.

49. Last time you hung out with someone? Loooooooooong time ago.

50. Favourite movie(s)? The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep, The Godfather (all), Judy, Rocketman, The Wall and many that I do not remember lol.

This took me a long time so if you read everything thank you💖I'm not sure if the people I'm nominating have already been nominated but

@artsyhippie @divine-and-decaying @whatdyoumean-interesting @herrmiu (only if you want to) and anyone who wants to ✨

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thedaughterofkings · 4 years ago

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Tag Game: Dig a Little Deeper

Thank you for the tag, @theproblemwithstardust! These are always fun to think through!

1. do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen? Blue

2. would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? Depends on the city - I was very happy in Edinburgh, but wouldn’t be able to live in New York, I think, at least not for long. In general, the happy middle is ideal - big enough to get most of the advantages of a city (big shops with long opening hours, good travel connections, some cultural options), but small enough and close enough to the country side to have a garden and a short way into a forest

3. if you could learn a new skill, what would it be? I think I’d like to be better at handy man type things, and just feel more confident to try them out? Other than that there are so many instruments I’d love to learn!

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? I very, very rarely drink coffee, and if I do I’ll often add some sugar. But I drink tea every day and take no sugar there.

5. what was your favorite book as a child? An old book of my grandma’s, from when she was a child, which I used to read every single time we visited! It was about four sisters and their coming of age and I just loved it! I really need to reread it. Other than that our fairy tale books (good old German bloody versions, no disney sugar in this household!), and Max Kruse’s Urmel series!

6. do you prefer baths or showers? Showers for sure! I pretty much only take a bath in winter and then I’ll usually take a quick shower afterwards to wash my hair, because washing my hair in the bath is a pain that will lead to flooding.

7. if you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? A DRAGON!!!!! If that’s for some reason not an option, then a selkie!

8. paper or electronic books? Paper books and electronic fics - though I’ve seen some book binding tutorials making the rounds and I’m very tempted now to print out my favourites and bind them prettily!

9. what is your favorite item of clothing? Gosh, I don’t even know? Probably a dress, but I wouldn’t be able to choose between them...

10. do you like your name? would you like to change it? I like it and wouldn’t want to change it! It’s relatively rare here (though not world wide, so not some strange invention from my parents), but not to the point of being incomprehensible (usually - there have been some interesting spellings, especially from English speaking people) and I think it fits me!

11. who is a mentor to you? My mum? But she’s my mum, so does she really count as a mentor? Singing wise perhaps my conductor, but she’s also a pain, so there’s that? I can’t really think of someone I’d truly call my mentor!

12. would you like to be famous? if so, what for? To do Dancing with the Stars! (Or Strictly, or Let’s dance, wherever they’ll take me!) No seriously, I’d love to do one of the dance shows, and that’s the only reason I’d like to be famous. I’d like to be reasonably rich of course, to be financially secure enough to be able to easily help family and friends and causes close to my heart (and buy and uphold a Scottish castle), but you don’t necessarily need to be famous for that. But just being famous for famous-sake? To be recognised wherever you go? No thanks. That sounds absolutely horrible.

13. are you a restless sleeper? That’s a pretty resounding yes unfortunately.

14. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? Oh god, I don’t even know. Do I enjoy romance? In fic yes, in books and films often not, in realy life excessive PDA creeps me out and honestly, my threshold for that is super low, so excessive probably means more like ‘any PDA’. As for whether I’m personally romantic? I’ve never been a romantic relationship and I’m not sure I even want to be!

15. which element best represents you? Earth perhaps? I’m not really sure what the elements even represent, though, so who knows! Probably not fire, though :p

16. who do you want to be closer to? I’m good actually, I think!

17. do you miss someone at the moment? Not in a particular ‘I miss you right now and won’t miss you in an hour’ way. I always miss my dad and grandpa, but that’s a different kind of missing, I think.

18. tell us about an early childhood memory. I remember the blinds and doors of the holiday home we stayed in when I was ... four? five? And the path to the beach!

19. what is the strangest thing you have eaten? I’m not the most adventurous eater admittedly, but as far as ‘I’ll never eat it again’, I took a bite out of a pickled egg once and it was properly disgusting!

20. what are you most thankful for? My family and my living circumstances (is that a word? term? It sounds weird)

21. do you like spicy food? Not reallyyyyyy - some spice is okay, and some spiciness is worse than others, but in general I’m a total wuss.

22. have you ever met someone famous? I said good morning to David Tennant, but I’m not sure I’d call that “having met him”.

23. do you keep a diary or journal? Nope! I’ve started one a couple of times, but never made it beyond three days or so!

24. do you prefer to use pen or pencil? Generally a pen, but a pencil is fine, too!

25. what is your star sign? Leo

26. do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? Crunchy! (though I haven’t had actual cereal in ages)

27. what would you want your legacy to be? Positive, if I’m to have a legacy at all

28. do you like reading? What was the last book you read? Very much so! I last read Cornelia Funke’s Reckless series.

29. how do you show someone you love them? I try to tell them, and I try to make sure they know I’m here to listen or help or talk or whatever they need. I’m not sure I always succeed, though...

30. do you like ice in your drinks? No.

31. what are you afraid of? Not being good enough.

32. what is your favorite scent? My roses - individuals with a superb scent are The Lady of Shalott, Rose de Resht and Sweet Juliet, but there’s something really special about that first breath of rose air when Frühlingsduft (scent of spring), the first rose of the year blooms!

33. do you address older people by their name or surname? Surname! Unless they offer their first name and the ‘Du’, and even then I’ll probably try to avoid using either^^°

34. if money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I’d buy a Scottish castle and plant so many roses!

35. do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? Definitely pools, I’m always just a little afraid something is going to happen in natural water^^°

36. what would you do if you found $50 in the ground? I’d collect them (Unless I just saw who lost them) but try to put it towards something charitable (not 50, but one day I found two pounds on the ground, gave them to the homeless person with the kitty on Princes Street, found another pound, gave that to the one with the pupper and found another three, I think! That was a really nice day)

37. have you ever seen a shooting star? did you make a wish? Yes and yes!

38. what is one thing you would want to teach your children? To be kind? To themselves and others

39. if you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? A watercolour tattoo probably, perhaps of a dragon or fox, or a flower, and somewhere not always on display

40. what can you hear now? If I opened the window I’d probably hear at least some birds (some woke me up this morning with unholy yowling)

41. where do you feel the safest? At home.

42. what is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? My perfectionism that usually appears through some really strong procrastination. I also wish I was better at talking to people, especially people I don’t know or who are intimidating (which is everyone I don’t know and quite of those I know a little). I’ve mostly come to terms with my shyness, but that doesn’t make everything easy suddenly, unfortunately.

43. if you could travel back to any era, what would it be? There’s way too many! But for just one I’d love to see a Shakespeare play in the Globe when it was performed originally, ideally Twelfth Night or Hamlet! And I’d like to meet Queen Elizabeth I!

44. what is your most used emoji? 😘 probably or 😊

45. describe yourself using one word. overwhelmed (I am also hungry and tired right now, and that plays a big part in that - ask me again in an hour or so when I’ve eaten and the world will look a little more rose-y again^^°)

46. what do you regret the most? I can’t think of anything I truly regret - there are things I wish I’d done differently, but what’s done is done and I have to do the best with what I have now

47. last movie you saw? The Martian!

48. last tv show you watched? Die purpurnen Flüsse/Les rivières pourpres (the purple rivers), a French (German co production?) series based on the novel the Jean Reno film was based on!

49. invent a word and its meaning. This is hard because in German you can just compound away, so for every thing I think of, I’m like ‘but you could just put these three words together for the same effect!!!’ But this is English, so I’ll go with “pflundering” - the sound a bird makes when it takes a very enthusiastic bath!

This took quite a bit, and my brain is no longer able to come up with people to tag, so I’m tagging you, person who actually read through this! Do it (be honest, you already thought up most of your answers while reading it^^) and tag me, I’m curious!

#lessa says #lessa plays tag games #theproblemwithstardust #thank youuuuu #sometimes I wanted to just take your answer^^°

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tb5-hellbound · 5 years ago

Text

here is a long ago conversation about talented amateurs, between me and a much better writer

if it’s of interest to anybody, here’s a long ago conversation I had with a very dear friend (and the best writer I know), about this story and the shape of it. it probably would’ve taken place around November of 2018, which is wild to remember. My daughter was 3. I was in the middle of moving house. TAG still hadn’t aired S3. I came to know so much about this story that it’s surprising to remember that I didn’t know when I wrote the first chapter that it even WAS a first chapter.

and not featured here, but still necessary to thank personally for putting up with similar ramblings over the course of the past two years are @space-baegel, @scribeofred and @drdone.

Anyway. Here’s a behind the scenes glimpse at what I knew in November of 2018. Thanks for reading <3

Prelude 9:27 pm also i have another 2k in TA Kate 9:27 pm and you do not have enough hours in the day Prelude 9:27 pm and they are about to have a Big Talk Kate 9:27 pm OOOOH KHNDFKLVGERUILG i just got SO excited Prelude 9:27 pm no and I have a small person sitting on my lap yelling SUPER JUMP SUPER JUMP and not finishing her pizza Kate 9:28 pm hahshaaha she is my spirit animal except i would have finished the pizza in the first 30 seconds Prelude 9:29 pm hahaha yeah she got distracted by puppy games on her phone Kate 9:29 pm oh well then that is understandable Prelude 9:30 pm the problem is she still sits on my lap and she weighs forty pounds she is 3’6" and people think she’s a six year old Kate 9:31 pm she sounds exactly like my cousin sam she’s going to be TALL Prelude 9:31 pm oh yeah freakish Kate 9:31 pm are you and hubby tall? Prelude 9:31 pm oh yes Kate 9:31 pm both? Prelude 9:31 pm I’m 5’9", he’s 6’1" Kate 9:31 pm ahhh yess Prelude 9:32 pm I’m the shortest member of my family, although that may have changed Kate 9:32 pm but good height comparison between the two of you Prelude 9:32 pm My sister tells me she’s 5’7" I do not believe Kate 9:32 pm i would like to be 5’7" or even 5’5" Prelude 9:32 pm oh no kate are you tiny i write Penelope as very very tiny Kate 9:32 pm yes, i relate like in TA when you wrote that bit about gordon hovering above her i am her height Prelude 9:33 pm ehehehehehe Kate 9:33 pm so i could completely visualize it Prelude 9:33 pm niiiiice i love me a good height difference Kate 9:33 pm i mean anyone can visualize it but i mean i have been there lil lol i like guys at like 5��10" Prelude 9:33 pm Not Too Tall Kate 9:34 pm the 5’9" or 5’10" is great for my height YES EXACTLY Prelude 9:34 pm She wears like crazy high heels also like she’s wearing platform stilettos half the time. Kate 9:34 pm right i used to, i miss heels Prelude 9:34 pm i love a girl in Good Shoes Kate 9:34 pm i like opportunities to wear heels i haven’t in like a full year ME TOO! Prelude 9:34 pm (spoilers gordon is going to discover that he has a bit of a Shoe Thing) Kate 9:34 pm OH YES I AM READY Prelude 9:35 pm hahahahaha you just sit on the sidelines and cheer everytime I say these sinful things about this very good boy Kate 9:35 pm because i am the biggest, biggest fan of said sinful things Prelude 9:35 pm good, you keep me going Kate 9:35 pm really, just the biggest fan Prelude 9:35 pm It is very helpful Kate 9:35 pm i will be your cheerleader i am that peron person that wants the gritty stuff i want the details Prelude 9:36 pm bless your heart but also like I don’t think I’ll ever get to SMUT territory Kate 9:36 pm keeps me going Prelude 9:36 pm I just like writing like Kate 9:36 pm right Prelude 9:36 pm passions Kate 9:36 pm not that i would expect you too Prelude 9:36 pm not that I couldn’t either Kate 9:36 pm but you tow the line like where you are with TA is Prelude 9:36 pm I walk that tightrope Kate 9:36 pm perfect Prelude 9:36 pm the artful cutaway Kate 9:37 pm b/c then it’s really all left up to the imagination to fill in what you please yes! Prelude 9:37 pm the “oh by the way I can hold my breath for four minutes and I played clarinet in highschool” like Kate 9:37 pm i like that more than actual smut Prelude 9:37 pm subtle yknow Kate 9:37 pm LOL Prelude 9:37 pm see, you get it 😉 Kate 9:37 pm but you say things like"fuckfest" and it makes me happy b/c the deed was done, but again your imagination fills in the details Prelude 9:38 pm exactly and honestly the hardest thing about writing this stuff is writing what they’re both actually doing because I can’t just have the pair of them lying there but i’m very bad at visualizing I need like a pair of very bendy barbies artist doll things Kate 9:39 pm i like it when it’s right there, right at the edge, but then you (as the reader) take it there b/c we all have our own ideas and interpretations of events and what should happen and the way it happens Prelude 9:39 pm yeah! Kate 9:39 pm lol right Prelude 9:39 pm like, i will give you all of the bricks and all of the mortar you fit 'em together Kate 9:39 pm yes, love it! Prelude 9:40 pm ahhh but also like Kate 9:40 pm aw dang now i need more, prelude Prelude 9:40 pm well I mean also like, talking about the terms of their relationship and the fact that they’re going to have a relationship or at least see what happens Kate 9:41 pm i need it okay Prelude 9:41 pm oh man kate if I keep it going there’s gonna be So Much drama with Scotty Kate 9:41 pm like romance is also my New Thing okay like WAIT WAIT WHAT ABOUT DRAMA WITH SCOTT Prelude 9:42 pm oh yeah Kate 9:42 pm TELL ME MORE Prelude 9:42 pm if Gordon gets Penny pregnant, Scott is gonna rip him the fuck in half Kate 9:42 pm BUT LIEK like i don’t care i need it i need to see how it shifts the dynamics for all of them Prelude 9:42 pm oh yes it’s gonna be like, to the point of massive overreaction, almost for a Reason Kate 9:43 pm but that fits with scott i would expect that from scott does it have to do with age Prelude 9:43 pm well, i think for Scott the thing is that he like got a girl pregnant when he was in high school Kate 9:43 pm with scott stepping into dad role OMG YES keep going i am so excited Prelude 9:43 pm and she didn’t keep it, and that was for the best Kate 9:43 pm there are 5 boys in this family you can’t tell me an oops didn’t happen at least once Prelude 9:44 pm But he hates himself for being so irresponsible and stupid and impulsive and young Kate 9:44 pm yes yes yes the scott/gordon dynamic i am fucking HERE for it Prelude 9:44 pm me too But this is also just such a huge thing for Penelope because like her whole life and this was just supposed to be a sort of “well we’ll see” kind of a thing and the first impulsive night they have together, the unthinkable happened and of course she’s not on birth control, she hasn’t been in a serious relationship in a couple of years now And why would he have brought condoms to his grandma’s birthday party and they both should’ve thought about the potential for this consequence, but there’s such an afterglow and it seems more important to think about their relationship and neither of them figured this could happen Kate 9:46 pm right right and passion is like a real fucker that changes everything Prelude 9:47 pm no pun intended Kate 9:47 pm HA Prelude 9:47 pm and they were both looking forward to that courtship phase like Kate 9:47 pm but passion is a fickle bitch, it’s all about the moment she comes for even the most sensible Prelude 9:48 pm the thing that’s going to happen in this chapter is that she’s going to say “okay, let’s do this right. would you rather I took you out for valentine’s day or for your birthday?” “And would you rather go to Paris or Nice?” Kate 9:48 pm oh man grabby hands i’m super excited for the scott parts of this like i love the g/p part too obvs but what scott would go through would be a big Thing he is very emotitonal Prelude 9:49 pm oh yeah Kate 9:49 pm emotional Prelude 9:49 pm I think like Gordon doesn’t know about Scott’s thing And like john or somebody sort of has to take him aside and quietly explain Kate 9:50 pm also, you may not have ever even gone here, but due to my recent obsession, that then makes me think of virgil and kayo if they’re messing around too to be careful shit happens any of them, really, i guess Prelude 9:50 pm oH yeah Kate 9:50 pm i wanna be inside scott’s head when the news comes out Prelude 9:50 pm no they are fanatically careful and they are like Kate 9:50 pm so they are like straight up doing it though? Prelude 9:50 pm no, they’ve been doing this for like a year and a half No one knows Kate 9:50 pm like they are THERE Prelude 9:50 pm Oh yeah They are total fuckbuddies Kate 9:50 pm OH WAIT really? that long?! Prelude 9:51 pm oh yeah Kate 9:51 pm wow, that’s even ebtter better Prelude 9:51 pm no, they have a Thing They have a System Kate 9:51 pm also, i am super impressed that they kept it quiet for that long Prelude 9:51 pm Oh yeah Kate 9:51 pm which makes sense considering kayo Prelude 9:51 pm Yeah, entirely Kate 9:51 pm is special ops or whatever Prelude 9:51 pm I think Virgil’s just like I mean Kate 9:51 pm but like, i dunno, i love it Prelude 9:52 pm I think he’s the place where everybody else goes with secrets Kate 9:52 pm and i kinda like looking at the various dynamics Prelude 9:52 pm but he’s insanely good at keeping his own Kate 9:52 pm of what is and what isn’t YES i’ve always headcanoned virgil that way too Prelude 9:52 pm I think Somebody might know about Virgil hahahaha I also kind of I mean like Kate 9:52 pm wait tell me about the system Prelude 9:52 pm there’s a place I wanna go with Virgil Kate 9:52 pm i am sorry Prelude 9:52 pm haha I don’t know much yet Kate 9:52 pm i hijacked this conversation Prelude 9:52 pm but it’s like no no, it’s cool Kate 9:53 pm from pen and ink to virgil Prelude 9:53 pm No, I gotchu fam Kate 9:53 pm and kayo lol but i have thought lots about the first 2 Prelude 9:53 pm I think they have like Kate 9:53 pm and v/k is new and exciting for me lol WAIT THIS PLACE TELL ME MORE Prelude 9:53 pm hahaha well like I mean, it’s meant to be sort of an overall examination of relationships in the family Kate 9:53 pm yes yes Prelude 9:54 pm and how some of them know some things about each other and some of them know other things and some things are secret Like, Scott/Jane have a secret relationship, but I think like Alan knows or something Alan also still kind of has a thing for Kayo, but he’s aware that it’s dumb and he needs to get over it but he’s still gonna be really hurt if he finds out about her and virgil Kate 9:54 pm awww yeah Prelude 9:54 pm And then like I waaaaaant like Kate 9:55 pm poor ala alan just in general Prelude 9:55 pm like, there’s sort of two major ships with Virgil are V/B and V/K. and I kinda wanna go both places. I think Virgil is bi, but people tend to assume he’s gay. And I think maybe for a while he and Brains were kind of a thing, but also with that same sort of secrecy, and not like, in the fuckbuddy kinda way. I think they did more like traditional dating, just out of curiosity. But that hasn’t been a thing in ages, and they basically came to the conclusion that they’re happier as friends. Kate 9:57 pm hmmm would you try to explore both within this universe? Prelude 9:57 pm I think so. Kate 9:57 pm like the TA universe? wow! girl, you’ve got your work cut out for you! Prelude 9:57 pm Mostly just because I want Gordon to get mad as hell at Virgil, for having fooled around with the only two people on the island that they’re not related to, “you enormous lumberjack slut.” like, i want FIGHTS Kate 9:58 pm hahahahahha Prelude 9:58 pm “you beefy plaid whore” Kate 9:58 pm i don’t know why, but i have a hard time seeing brains in any sort of relationship with anyone Prelude 9:59 pm Yeah, that’s fair Kate 9:59 pm maybe it’s because i never formed an attachment to him? Prelude 9:59 pm I hear you Kate 9:59 pm or because he’s always like WORK SCIENCE OOPS Prelude 9:59 pm I mostly like the idea of Virgil being secretive about his personal relationships to the point that people assume he doesn’t have them. Kate 9:59 pm but also i LOVE the insults from gordon you beefy plaid whore HHAHAHAHA so virgil/kayo would end up coming out? Prelude 10:00 pm “you flannel strumpet” “there are two people on this island you don’t share dna with and you fucked both of them” (he didn’t, actually) (also scott knew about virgil/brains being a thing and this is why he thinks virgil is gay) Kate 10:00 pm like a total accident? how would gordon know? i wanna see this fight Prelude 10:00 pm Oh yeah, they’re in better shape than anyone else Kate 10:00 pm hahahaha Prelude 10:00 pm I think it comes out in one capacity or another Kate 10:00 pm hahahhahahaha the insults are amazing how would scott feel about that? Prelude 10:00 pm Either Virgil owns up for some reason, possibly to keep Scott from really tearing into Gordon Kate 10:00 pm with his whole secret jane thing oooh you know that is EXACTLY what virgil would do try to reason Prelude 10:01 pm i think there’s a massive blow out Kate 10:01 pm ooooh no i’m getting even more invested in v.k now Prelude 10:01 pm and Virgil grabs John and is like “okay, I’ll take Scott, you take Gordon.” Kate 10:01 pm like, what happens from there OOOH OOOH Prelude 10:02 pm i think V probably goes to Kayo and says “okay, i think I need to talk to Scott about us” Kate 10:02 pm KEEP GOING TELL ME MORE Prelude 10:02 pm And she’s like “MMMMMMM NOT SURE I DIG ON THAT, THERE IS LITERALLY A SMOKING CRATER WHERE GORDON WAS STANDING” “yeah but that’s why we gotta” I think John’s a bigger factor for Gordon vs the whole potential parenthood thing because I’ll always write him as aro/ace But he’s also the person with the closest analogue to a child, in EOS Kate 10:04 pm okay okay although, scott too Prelude 10:04 pm Oh yeah Kate 10:04 pm kinda assuming father role Prelude 10:04 pm Oh totally Kate 10:04 pm oh man oh man sarah Prelude 10:04 pm “I’m just telling you what Dad told me when I did this” Kate 10:04 pm you have no idea the kind of feels i have right now OH OOOH MAN Prelude 10:05 pm Gordon being like “excuse me, I did not knock up a cheerleader I’d known for three weeks in the back of Grandpa’s truck when i was seventeen” Prelude 10:06 pm “if the great state of kansas had an age of consent any younger than sixteen, what you did would’ve been statutory” then probably there’s some punching Kate 10:06 pm ooooh shit lol yeah yeah, there’s definitely some punching Prelude 10:07 pm hahaha oh man i just wrote a line Kate 10:07 pm OH DID YOU NOW Prelude 10:07 pm “Not much for sleeping late, then?” she inquires, curious more than she is critical. “Personally, I’ve got a terrible fondness for a good lie-in.”

“I get nervous when I don’t know what time it is,” he admits, a little sheepishly. “I mean—it doesn’t matter. S’just…I dunno, I’m all hungover. And we’re supposed to be outta here by noon. And—and I don’t mean to keep coming back to it, but my entire family, Penelope. Right outside your bedroom door. My grandmother. We weren’t supposed to get her anything, but like…happy birthday, Grandma! I slept with our London Agent.”

“Well, if it helps, it was well after midnight before anything of consequence actually happened.” Penelope tilts her head slightly (adorably), and seems bemused by the concept. “But then, it does beg the question—is that something she would consider a gift?”

Gordon shrugs. “There’s a reason Grandma rhymes with drama.”

On the topic of drama, her answering sigh is exaggerated, but tolerant. “Yes, because you’re an American and you pronounce everything incorrectly.” Kate 10:08 pm lol penny but seriously, i LOVE this and i love the direction it’s going and i love everything i know about the overall shakeup for the family Prelude 10:09 pm oh yes I’m very excited Kate 10:09 pm i can’t describe to you how excited i am for all of this!!! Prelude 10:10 pm hahaha good! motivate me! Kate 10:10 pm how?!?! i’ve done LOTS of screaming!!! lol Prelude 10:11 pm hahaha i mean you are! you are super motivating me Kate 10:11 pm YAYAYAYAY!!! i’m a sucker for relationships and analyzing them throwing wrenches into them lol Prelude 10:11 pm yeah! also Gordon and Grandma and “grandma i fucked up” and just like Kate 10:12 pm OH my gosh yes!!! Prelude 10:12 pm being so upset at how this changes what he thought was goign to play out like, he wanted the chance to fall in love with her i mean, more in love with her but like, to do it Right Kate 10:13 pm right, follow kind of the natural course Prelude 10:13 pm and to have to figure out how to make their relationship work out between their respective jobs because I also think she’s like “I don’t want an abortion” Kate 10:14 pm and the added pressure of distance Prelude 10:14 pm I kind of don’t think that’s in her nature Kate 10:14 pm or how to come together like at least v/k are on the same island Prelude 10:14 pm yeah, exactly Kate 10:14 pm i would assume too, for penny, there’s some sort of expectation of how things should be like, from a social standpoint from a name standpoint Prelude 10:15 pm Yeah, exactly she’s just like staring down the barrel of this scandal and like she’s run into a crumbling south american temple without batting an eye but this scares her Kate 10:16 pm yes that makes perfect sense things are going to change moving forward, forever but there’s really no way of knowing how things will play out Prelude 10:16 pm And their family is so private like so incredibly private she’s lived her whole life in the public eye and he just hasn’t aaaaaah and like man Kate 10:17 pm yesss there are so many factors at play Prelude 10:18 pm he wants so much to do right by her, and like, he already loves her enough to marry her but now he doesn’t know if he should ask or what she’d say if he did or if she wants that Kate 10:18 pm and emotions are so high that i’d think that’d impact a lot like as far as asking for marriage Prelude 10:18 pm also preggo hormones yeah, exactly and like Penny being told that she can’t do that secret side of her job any more she has to be just a socialite Kate 10:19 pm and i’d think maybe this might challenge the nature of their jobs? for anyone involved? Prelude 10:19 pm oh yeah Gordon’s gonna get benched Kate 10:19 pm yeeeep good thing they don’t need him for things like deep sea rig explosions Prelude 10:20 pm wELL not like Penny can do it either Kate 10:20 pm right but that’s what i mean they both do these kinds of things Prelude 10:20 pm exactly Kate 10:20 pm but now adding a child brings in a whole lot more to think about and i am thrilled to see how it plays out!!! Prelude 10:20 pm and now they both have each other on the sidelines Kate 10:20 pm ahhhhhh!!! Prelude 10:20 pm yeah!!! i gotta!!! write it!!! Kate 10:20 pm on the sidelines YES and the virgil/kayo Prelude 10:21 pm “go have a tea party with penny or whatever it is she does” oh yeah Kate 10:21 pm i hope you know you’ve created a monster and i will NEVER let this go even if it takes YEARS AND YEARS Prelude 10:21 pm I think v/k going like “…well should we try and be a thing now? like a real thing? like stuff is changing, should we take that opportunity?” Kate 10:21 pm i’ll always be there, whispering in your ear HAHAHA Prelude 10:21 pm “…what if we don’t work as a thing?” Kate 10:21 pm YES YES and it would be virgil that makes the proposition, yes? Prelude 10:22 pm Oh yeah oh man Grandma taking Gordon aside and being like “the only reason your mother and father got together was because Scott was conceived in a hayloft when your dad was twenty-one, he can get off his high-horse.” “And there are five of you and your parents loved each other more than anything.” Kate 10:22 pm was it intiially like, one of them that said ‘let’s just keep it where it’s at’ or like, very adamantly keep it as fuckbuddies on the dl Prelude 10:22 pm “this doesn’t have to be a disaster” Kate 10:23 pm YES Prelude 10:23 pm I think Kayo is a little bit scared to be caught keeping another secret from the boys. Kate 10:23 pm GRANDMA FOR THE WIN Prelude 10:23 pm and also being like “your dad never meant for IR to be your entire lives” Kate 10:23 pm at least she has virgil in it with her and if anyone is sensible in that family, it’s virgil yes 😔 ir really is literally everything Prelude 10:23 pm “you’re meant to have partners, you’re meant to have your own futures, you’re meant to grow up and learn how to make this a part of your lives and not the totality” And like Kate 10:24 pm impacts ALL areas of their lives Prelude 10:24 pm the core of the reason why any of them keep these secrets at all is because they’re afraid of how it would impact IR and Dad’s legacy Kate 10:24 pm oh my gosh sarah i am fucking here for it and fucking pumped!!! Prelude 10:24 pm and none of them want to be the guy to ruin that. hahahahaha ily kate you complete me Kate 10:24 pm <3 Prelude 10:24 pm i am down to talk about this always Kate 10:24 pm ME FUCKING TOO cuz see, you’re looking at what comes next, and what happens later, not just right now and i fucking APPRECIATE THAT Prelude 10:25 pm oh yeah I am a Big Picture Person and I am very much about the interplay of all these relationships Kate 10:25 pm ugh me too Prelude 10:25 pm and how these different connections form and also like Kate 10:25 pm YES Prelude 10:25 pm unexpected connections Kate 10:25 pm and they’re all getting older Prelude 10:25 pm Like Kate 10:25 pm and things change Prelude 10:25 pm exactly! like it’s so significant that Gordon goes to her intially because he’s like “i need to start getting over you” Prelude 10:26 pm and she’s like “well first you’re gonna be under me for a bit” Kate 10:26 pm and if they’ve found someone that they could make a life with, it’s important that those things happen Kate 10:26 pm b/c of fulfillment and everything Prelude 10:26 pm exactly! and like This is the break scott’s been waiting for, even if he doesn’t realize it And he’s gonna be in this massive funk and he’s gonna be like “I’M GOING OUT FOR SOME AIR” Kate 10:27 pm YES! KEEP GOING KEEP GOING Prelude 10:27 pm and he’s going to fly across the globe to whatever airport Jane is spending the night in and be like Kate 10:27 pm GOOOOO KEEP GOING Prelude 10:27 pm “my fucking little idiot brother knocked up an english socialite” Kate 10:27 pm omg omg Prelude 10:27 pm “let’s get MARRIED.” Kate 10:27 pm i love this Prelude 10:27 pm “that’ll teach him.” Kate 10:27 pm this is literally what i live for omg ahhahahahaha scott Prelude 10:27 pm “he’s not the only stupid impulsive idiot in the family” Kate 10:28 pm hahahaha i love it omg Prelude 10:28 pm And Jane’s gonna be like “slow your roll, babe 😃 " “ily but you’re dumb as hell when you’re mad.” like that Scott’s found someone outside the family who does what Virgil does for him in IR in like an emotional capacity Kate 10:29 pm YESSS omg beautiful i love love love these things Prelude 10:29 pm saaaaame Kate 10:29 pm and like, above all else, these boys DESERVE this Prelude 10:29 pm yeah!!! Kate 10:29 pm they deserve love and something to indulge in and get that ultimate fullillment outside of what they know Prelude 10:30 pm and also I want Penny to go to John first with the news that she’s pregnant because bffs and also I think he’s just who she calls when she’s in trouble Kate 10:30 pm that makes sense and i thought she would cuz bffs hahahaha Prelude 10:30 pm well and also because that was where she went when she first kissed Gordon Kate 10:30 pm right follows patterns Prelude 10:30 pm and i live for callbacks yes also i just like Kate 10:31 pm yes i’m like in my glory right now thinking about it all Prelude 10:32 pm really love that she would trust him and would be correct in trusting him and that he’d be the person to say “well, I will help you handle this however you want to handle this and no one else has to know” “but also please don’t keep this from Gordon, because if he ever finds out any other way he’ll literally die.” “i cannot explain the degree to which this would hurt him and i know you don’t want to hurt him.” Kate 10:32 pm yessss yes Prelude 10:32 pm also parker is going to be Furious Kate 10:33 pm ooh i never really even thought about parker! Prelude 10:33 pm yeah, I keep remembering him at the last second Kate 10:33 pm there are so many players involved and so many lines to follow so many people impacted Prelude 10:33 pm yessssss i live for that shit hwd is like that Kate 10:34 pm like, nothing anyone in this family does only impacts that person Prelude 10:34 pm so complicated so many relationships Kate 10:34 pm or that couple there are repercussions for EVERYTHING any of them do that impact EVERYONE else Prelude 10:34 pm Exactly and deep down at the core of it, it’s just that they all want to protect each other Kate 10:34 pm yes comes from a good place and i’ll never think they’re in the wrong for wanting something more Prelude 10:35 pm and also none of them can BELIEVE that they’ve all been keeping these sorts of secrets with varying degrees of success Kate 10:35 pm i did laundry today and i missed one half of 6 pairs of socks lol Prelude 10:35 pm hahaha Kate 10:35 pm right!?!?!?! Prelude 10:35 pm skillz Kate 10:36 pm like, the kayo/virgil one is kind of mind blowing based on sheer length and thought that goes into it and keeping sage safe Prelude 10:36 pm oh yeah Kate 10:36 pm and secret like shit Prelude 10:36 pm they’re both just like I think they almost get more satisfaction out of the secrecy of it than any other aspect Kate 10:36 pm it’s kind of daunting lol Prelude 10:36 pm Like the sex is fine and great and whatever But what’s almost more fun is that they’ve gotten away with it for so long they’re both kind of competitive and they work really well together as a team and Virgil likes getting one over on his brothers and Kayo feels incomplete if she’s not keeping SOMETHING secret like it probably started up shortly after they found out about her uncle like Kate 10:37 pm oooh Prelude 10:37 pm if that’s the way the context of their relationship changes like that whole sort of “well, at least now it’s easier not to feel like we’re the only family you have” Kate 10:38 pm oooh yes yes yes dude there is so much to explore Prelude 10:38 pm I knoooooow Kate 10:38 pm also like how the hell do they keep quiet? in the literal sense Prelude 10:38 pm it’s a big island Kate 10:38 pm on an island eh true i bet they have A Place Prelude 10:39 pm little huts on the beach TB2 is Pretty Big Kate 10:39 pm but also like, if something really tough happens, do they sometimes just NEED tht touch, that reassurance i think they got the best end of the stick Prelude 10:39 pm (hahaha Gordon: “IN THE CO PILOT’S SEAT. I SIT THERE.”) Kate 10:39 pm they’re both right there HAHAHAHAHAH hahhahaha i love it so much Prelude 10:40 pm “ALAN’S SAT THERE.” “YOU’VE TAINTED OUR BABY BROTHER.” Kate 10:40 pm i don’t understand how my laundry piles up so quickly HAHAHAHAHAHA gordon questioning literally everywhre Prelude 10:41 pm “in MY POOL.” “DRAIN THE POOL.” Kate 10:41 pm hhHAHAHAHA this is my favorite part of that relationship everyone else finding out and gordon with his insults SO ENTERTAINING and i wonder if virgil keeping that sort of secret, in light of gordon seeking him out for a similar type of secret, would lead to some hurt feelings or if he’d be like, i gotchya bro Prelude 10:42 pm oh man i think the thing with Virgil is that like everybody trusts him but he also tells Kayo everything Because couples just do that. Kate 10:42 pm right, which she even told gordon LOL Prelude 10:43 pm exactly and so the thing with Virgil is going to be less that he kept his own secret and more that he didn’t keep anyone else’s. Kate 10:43 pm and like, even if they’re calling it ‘just a thing’ if it’s been a year and a half, like, they’re invested Prelude 10:43 pm oh yeah no, more than either of them realize Kate 10:44 pm that’s the shit i am 100% here for gawd i’m a total slut for that shit Prelude 10:45 pm ehehehe man and like the idea that maybe the secrecy was the only thing that kept them going Kate 10:45 pm also like, friends with benefits is great in theory but i really think it’s more of a short term thing Prelude 10:45 pm I think he’d probably try to argue that they haven’t ever been that. they’re definitely more than friends Kate 10:45 pm and when you don’t see them super often Prelude 10:46 pm like, her being really vulnerable to people knowing something so personal about her Kate 10:46 pm yes yes i think so too that’s a super vulnerable position to be in to even open yourself up to someone that much and put that kind of trust in them Prelude 10:46 pm and him being like “we’re still your family, you can still trust us” “nothing’s going to change about the way they feel about you” and her being like “literally everything will change about the way they feel about me.” Kate 10:47 pm right and more than friends i think has a really high probability of leading to more over time i think it was bound to happen Prelude 10:47 pm yeah, entirely Kate 10:47 pm they’re both right Prelude 10:47 pm I think the best place she could get to by the end of it would be “willing to try with a high hope of success” Kate 10:47 pm but like not in the way they expect, i think Prelude 10:47 pm yeah for sure Kate 10:47 pm i mean, this is just me thinking about it obvs Prelude 10:48 pm no totally, I need thinking about it Kate 10:48 pm also, i had a friends with benefits thing that turned into something more and it was a fucking mess so Prelude 10:48 pm Ooh see like Kate 10:48 pm that kind of impacts, for me, the way i see this playing out Prelude 10:48 pm the thing with me Kate 10:48 pm also Prelude 10:48 pm is that i have been in one (1) relationship Kate 10:48 pm why i am so attached to this idea of v/k and it just happened to be with virgil Prelude 10:48 pm and it has lasted for 14 years and we have a kid Kate 10:48 pm but like, the relationship itself is what got me hooked right, which by the way is fucking amazing!!! Prelude 10:49 pm hahaha thank you we got very lucky Kate 10:49 pm from my experience, and that that friends have had, it’s never easy, and it’s rarely clean Prelude 10:49 pm entirely Kate 10:49 pm even if the agreement is made at the beginning that it’s a ‘whatever will happen’ feelings change damn, memories lol you did get very lucky i think, i am also at the age, the ripe old age of 28, where these things are making a much larger impact on me like, the idea of finding someone or something as the next step 28 is a Year, man Prelude 10:51 pm oh yeah what the hell you’re only 28 you baby you infant Prelude 10:53 pm I’m 29, and I’m going to be 30 so I can say these things Kate 10:53 pm i was about to sya i am pretty sure you are not much older than me lololol Prelude 10:53 pm no, i am not but like I think that’s where Scott’s at I think he had a FWB thing with Jane but it turned into “well, now you’re the person I want to talk to at the end of every day” “even if you’re on the other side of the world” “and even if this is the least physical relationship I’ve ever had” “And usually I rely on that more than I rely on the other thing” Prelude 10:56 pm I think Scott’s been waiting for his moment for like this big reveal and whatever and he thinks that “I have a secret girlfriend and today is our six month anniversary” is going to be a big deal but possibly Gordon swipes that out from under him with “I got Penelope pregnant.” Kate 10:57 pm yes yes, that was one of my first thoughts, actually i feel like, scott’s secret is actually the last on the OH SHIT reveal list like, in order: Prelude 10:58 pm oh yeah Kate 10:58 pm 1: pregnant 2: 1.5 years sneaking around IN THE SAME HOUSE 3: 6 month relationship, not so physical Prelude 10:58 pm but like! the shame of it is, Scott’s so damn proud of himself because I think they started out as like Kate 10:58 pm right!! Prelude 10:59 pm she was just someone he’d bootycall occasionally and then it just got to be more Kate 10:59 pm and it’s good for him to have found that anchor Prelude 10:59 pm and his relationships don’t usually get to the “more” stage I think that was the mistake he made in highschool Kate 10:59 pm it is all very exciting Prelude 10:59 pm like he was seventeen and ready to marry this stupid girl Kate 10:59 pm but even with him, there are more complications Prelude 10:59 pm and her parents were like “NOPE.” Kate 10:59 pm b/c they do not live near each other so as far as more goes that can be hard, i’d imagine! Prelude 10:59 pm yeah, entirely I mean, I did the LDR thing for a few years with the husband Kate 11:00 pm dude and he (scott) totally would have Prelude 11:00 pm entirely he was young and stupid and he thought he was in love it would’ve been a dISASTER though Kate 11:00 pm aww poor scott lol yeah he wouldn’t be where he is! Prelude 11:01 pm no! Kate 11:01 pm and like the dynamics of the entire family would have changed!!! Prelude 11:01 pm and he would’ve had a horrible marriage that lasted a terribly short time and would’ve ended in a messy divorce because he cares way too much like, the way it worked out is still the best way it could’ve worked out but like, he also got a vasectomy as soon as it was reasonably possible (aaaaugh but also Grandma and Gordon sitting side by side at the edge of the pool, and he is just DEVASTATED.) (because Scott came down on him so hard, and even in spite of everything there’s this tiny tiny tiny little part of him that wants to be excited) (that thinks this is new and amazing and wonderful and maybe it means something) (and maybe it could be okay) (but like, Scott pulled the roof down on his head and made him feel like a bad person) (for something that was a mistake/accident) Kate 11:04 pm yesssss yes i see all of that Prelude 11:04 pm (and grandma being like “you know, you remind me very much of your brother and very much of your father right now, because I have been right here with both of them, and Scott was the cause of one of those situations and the result of the other. so don’t worry kiddo. it all works out.”) ('i’m going to have a very very pretty great grandbaby. those creighton-wards have some excellent genes.”) Kate 11:05 pm hahaa yes Prelude 11:05 pm (“and don’t tell your brothers, but you’re the cute one.”) Kate 11:05 pm i do love grandma tracy HA HAHA Prelude 11:05 pm (“best possible baby. let me get my phone, let’s look at your baby pictures.”) Kate 11:06 pm hahaha yes the comedic relief that is very much needed Prelude 11:07 pm For sure Kate 11:07 pm but also proof that things will be okay or that they can be okay that it can work out

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74399777 · 5 years ago

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So a lot of people have asked me why I buy so many copies of Taylor Swift’s albums on release day. And I’ve never really explained it to anyone, mostly because I’m almost certain that my explanation won’t really give much clarity.

I was first was introduced to Taylor Swift in 2009, I was 14, in my freshman year of high school, and didn’t have any money of my own so I resorted to listening to her music on YouTube. I couldn’t buy any albums of my own. I couldn’t attend any tours. All I had was YouTube. One day, my grandma and I were at Walmart just picking up some items for her. Anytime I went to Walmart with her, she would let me pick out one thing to get, so this time around, I picked out Taylor’s first album, cleverly titled “Taylor Swift.” Haha. The next time around, I picked out her second album, Fearless. By this time, I knew the songs because I had been listening to them on YouTube. But there was something special about owning the music you love. In 2010, Taylor’s third album, Speak Now was released. I was still in high school and had no income of my own, so I, again, could only listen to it on YouTube.

When Taylor’s fourth album, RED, was released, I had a small job that was barely paying, but it was something. Up until this point, I had never been able to purchase my own albums, much less a concert ticket to see Taylor. I had missed every show she had done in Dallas, because I just did not have money to buy a ticket, regardless of how badly I wanted to see her. That changed with the RED era. While I didn’t have much money, I had some. So I was finally able to buy a copy of the album on release day. Just one. One copy. I also saved up for months and bought tickets to see her on the RED Tour. This was the first time I had seen her live, and even though I was in the nosebleed seats (section 443), when she came out, my hands and legs were shaking so hard I thought I was going to pass out. (I didn’t. Just... You know. Clarification.)

Two years later, 1989 came out. I now had a little bit better of a job that paid a little more. When album release day came around, I had requested the day off from work. I didn’t have a car, so I had my mom drop me off at Target at 8am, before she went to work. I went alone, with my little bit of money I had from my little cashiering job. This time, I bought four copies of her album. And even better tickets to The 1989 Tour. I was in section 126!

The reputation era rolled around after a hiatus in which Kim Kardashian and Kanye West were determined to destroy her career. This time around, I had moved up in the company I work for and made more money. I took my vacation on album release week, and on album release day, I bought 18 copies of the album. When the reputation Stadium Tour tickets went on sale, I got floor tickets for both nights, and night two, my sister and I were only FIVE rows away from Taylor’s stage. It’s something that I never thought would happen to me, as I never imagined I’d ever get close to this woman that I’ve idolized and supported for the last ten years.

Taylor’s new album, Lover, was released about less than 48 hours ago. On the morning of release day, I went to Target and bought 33 copies of the album. Taylor’s Speak Now, RED, 1989, and reputation albums have all sold over a million copies in the first week of release. She is the only person in history to ever achieve this. The reason I buy so many is because I want to help her continue to break records, and if I can afford to, I do. I went from not being able to support her by buying even a single album to being able to buy multiple copies of the album in one trip.

And while this still may not make sense to anyone, it’s what makes me happy and my ever-growing Taylor Swift album collection is one of my prized possessions.

@taylorswift

#taylor swift #1989 #red #reputation #fearless #speak now #lover #red tour #reputation stadium tour #album release #release day

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bohemianrhapsody86 · 6 years ago

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200 Things About Me (originally 200 Things You Can Put In My Ask)

I got this off of @rami-malek-trash - don’t know who the original poster was, sorry if it’s you. I’m bored and cramping and no one usually sends me asks anyway, so I’m just going to answer all of these myself

200: My crush’s name is: Drew (Now boyfriend, but he was my middle school crush) 199: I was born in: 1986 198: I am really: cool 197: My cellphone company is: T-Mobile 196: My eye color is: green 195: My shoe size is: 9.5/10 194: My ring size is: 9/10 193: My height is: 5′6″ 192: I am allergic to: Nothing 191: My 1st car was: 2001 PT Cruiser 190: My 1st job was: Server at a local pizzeria 189: Last book you read: Startalk: Everything You Ever Need to Know About Space Travel, Sci-Fi, the Human Race, the Universe, and Beyond by Neil DeGrasse Tyson 188: My bed is: Not very comfortable. I need a new mattress, but I need a job first. 187: My pet: A siamese cat named Chico. 186: My best friend: Amanda 185: My favorite shampoo is: I like using Aussie 2-in-1, I also like using Shimmer Lights occasionally so I can keep my gray hairs nice and shiny. 184: Xbox or ps3: PS3 183: Piggy banks are: Cool. I have one that counts my change lol 182: In my pockets: Nothing because they hate putting usable pockets in women’s pants. 181: On my calendar: I marked where I started my period yesterday, and my boyfriends 32nd birthday is next Tuesday. 180: Marriage is: Something I want everyone to have the option for if they want it. 179: Spongebob can: use his imagination 178: My mom: is amazing! 177: The last three songs I bought were? Cool and Sucker by The Jonas Brothers, Don’t really buy many singles, just albums if I’m interested and their cheap. 176: Last YouTube video watched: Brooke Candy - Paper or Plastic 175: How many cousins do you have? Too many to remember 174: Do you have any siblings? Yes, an older brother and older half-sister. 173: Are your parents divorced? Yes, they divorced back in 1999 172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes. We used to be the same height, but gravity has taken a hold of her and squashed her down. 171: Do you play an instrument? I used to play the trombone in middle school, but that was 20 years ago. I’m sure if I ever got my hands on one again, I might remember a scale or two. 170: What did you do yesterday? Went around town job hunting and then bought a maxi dress at a local craft store. [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight:Yes 168: Luck: Yes 167: Fate: Yes 166: Yourself: Sometimes 165: Aliens: Yes 164: Heaven: Yes and No 163: Hell: We live there now. 162: God: No 161: Horoscopes: Yes 160: Soul mates: Yes 159: Ghosts: Yes 158: Gay Marriage: Yes 157: War: No 156: Orbs: Yes/No 155: Magic: Yes [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Kisses 153: Drunk or High: High 152: Phone or Online: Online 151: Red heads or Black haired: Black haired 150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunette 149: Hot or cold: Cold 148: Summer or winter: Winter 147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla:Chocolate 145: Night or Day: Night 144: Oranges or Apples: Apples 143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk Chocolate 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip Flops 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and Poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: Always been a Pepsi girl 136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 135: Burried or cremated: Cremated and turned into a tree or my ashes made into a vinyl 134: Singing or Dancing: Singing 133: Coach or Chanel: Neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Katherine McPhee 131: Small town or Big city: Small Town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller 128: Manicure or Pedicure: Mani 127: East Coast or West Coast: East Coast - never been to the West Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Birthday because it sometimes falls on Thanksgiving. 125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither, Cubbies til the day I die. [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: Pointless 121: George Bush: Better than the asshat in office now. 120: Gay Marriage: If I can get married to my boyfriend, the my friend Jerry should be able to get married to his boyfriend, Josh. 119: The presidential election: I hate that orange buffoon. 118: Abortion: I’m pro-choice. 117: MySpace: Always had trouble figuring out my Top 8 and what background I wanted to use. 116: Reality TV: Only thing I really watch are cooking competitions. Those are the only ones that matter. Not a fan of the Kardashians or the Bachelor/ette bullcrap. 115: Parents: My mom is amazing, my ‘dad’ was never really there. 114: Back stabbers: Asshats 113: Ebay: Hardly use it. 112: Facebook: Good to stay in touch with people you want to/some of the groups on there are awesome. 111: Work: Don’t have a job as of yet. *keeps fingers crossed I hear back from someone soon* 110: My Neighbors: Loud AF and nasty. I live in an apartment and the neighbors upstairs have so many kids and animals up there it’s ridiculous. I wish they’d leave. 109: Gas Prices: Ridiculous, but not as bad as I’ve seen it before. 108: Designer Clothes: Meh, not my style unless I find something in my size at Goodwill. 107: College: Been there, done that. Not really for me. Never graduated. 106: Sports: I like watching them, mainly baseball and basketball. The NFL can go fuck themselves. 105: My family: Love my blood relatives and my chosen family. 104: The future: It’s so bright, I gotta wear shades. [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: last night when my boyfriend came over and brought me my phone charger. 102: Last time you ate: An hour ago. 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: At my bestie’s baby shower. 100: Cried in front of someone: Sometime last week 99: Went to a movie theater: When Endgame came out 98: Took a vacation: 2010 97: Swam in a pool: A few summers ago 96: Changed a diaper: 2007? 95: Got my nails done: 2007? 94: Went to a wedding: 1999 93: Broke a bone: Never *keeps fingers crossed* 92: Got a peircing: 2012? 91: Broke the law: I probably broke the speed limit yesterday at some point. 90: Texted: about 2am this morning. [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: My bestie Amanda and boyfriend Drew 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat. 87: The last movie I saw: Ant-Man 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: getting a job 85: The thing im not looking forward to: Interviewing for a job 84: People call me: loyal 83: The most difficult thing to do is: finding a job 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Yep, 77 in a 55. 81: My zodiac sign is: Sun - Sagittarius, Moon - Leo

80: The first person i talked to today was: If you count texting my boyfriend at 2am, then him. 79: First time you had a crush: Sometime in Elemetary School. 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my mom 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday 76: Right now I am talking to: myself 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I have no clue 74: I have/will get a job: soon 73: Tomorrow: Never Comes 72: Today: Is the day 71: Next Summer: Not here 70: Next Weekend: I have no clue 69: I have these pets: 12 year old 17 lb cat named Striper. 68: The worst sound in the world: My cat hacking up a hairball. 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself 66: People that make you happy: my mom, brother, sister-in-law, boyfriend, best friend. 65: Last time I cried: sometime last week 64: My friends are: amazing 63: My computer is: pretty cool and loaded up with Sims stuff. 62: My School: I don’t go to school anymore. 61: My Car: gets me there. 60: I lose all respect for people who: disrespect me or my loved one. 59: The movie I cried at was: Endgame 58: Your hair color is: salt & pepper 57: TV shows you watch: Legends of Tomorrow, Worst Cooks in America, Any cooking show really. 56: Favorite web site: Tumblr 55: Your dream vacation: Somewhere away from my town 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when I had that ovarian cyst. 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy 51: My favorite celebrity is: too many to list 50: Where would you like to be: in bed 49: Do you want children: nope 48: Ever been in love: yes 47: Who’s your best friend: Amanda 46: More guy friends or girl friends: About the same. 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: music 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my grandma 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I don’t even have a 5 minute plan 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Kinda, not really 41: Have you pre-named your children: Nope 40: Last person I got mad at: The Dump, but that’s a daily thing. 39: I would like to move to: out of the US 38: I wish I was a professional: crocheter/crafter [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: Butterfinger Cups 36: Vehicle: Don’t really have one 35: President: Barack Obama 34: State visited: Pennsylvania 33: Cellphone provider: Always been with T-Mobile 32: Athlete: Anthony Rizzo 31: Actor: Tom Hanks 30: Actress: Sandra Bullock 29: Singer: Freddie Mercury 28: Band: Queen 27: Clothing store: Lane Bryant 26: Grocery store: Aldi 25: TV show: Don’t really have one 24: Movie: Too many to count 23: Website: This black hole of a site 22: Animal: Cat 21: Theme park: Don’t really have one. I did enjoy Six Flags over Georgia when I went back in 2002. Dollywood is always fun but it’s been even longer than that since I’ve been there. 20: Holiday: Halloween 19: Sport to watch: Baseball 18: Sport to play: Nothing. 17: Magazine: Entertainment Weekly 16: Book: Harry Potter 15: Day of the week: Thursday 14: Beach: Virginia Beach 13: Concert attended: Jonas Brothers in VA Beach 12: Thing to cook: bacon 11: Food: bacon 10: Restaurant: Hmmm....don’t know that one. 9: Radio station: Classic Hits 102.7...hardly any commercials and they tell you the artist and song title after every song. 70s, 80s, and 90s songs. 8: Yankee candle scent: Don’t have one 7: Perfume: The scented oils from a local curiosity shop have some of my fave scents. 6: Flower: Iris 5: Color: Blue 4: Talk show host: Jimmy Fallon 3: Comedian: I’ve got several 2: Dog breed: Corgi 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes.

#personal #200 things about me #bored #cramping #I need some sleep but can't sleep #period brain

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