#I might be going insane its like 2am rn

[prince-ically]

So. A THING I noticed about Legends ZA.

I've immediely fallen in love with the designs for the girl rival and protag, yeah? So I've taken a bunch of screenshots so I can, y'know, Draw Them.

And.

They're the same fucking person.

The eyes, the bangs, even the hair swoop at the back. Their designs are THE SAME other than outfit and colouration. So I've gone and doublechecked the male rival and protag and? SAME THING

Same little hair swoop and eyeshape. Wonder if theres a lore reason or???

[6ad6ro]

im watching the projared explanation vid rn n i'm gonna keep adding to this as i watch. think of this as like real-time commentary? even tho it’s not real-time at all like i’m just pausing the video to make lil comments. here’s vid btw. but geez it'd be weird if all he did was cheat (like it's icky i’m def against cheating... but how would that matter to you if it doesn't involve u personally?).

TLDR (this was written after the fact): i’m rly leaning towards believing him about not doing the underage stuff. and i wished i had listened to my initial gut on that. i could care less about exchanging nudes with fans if they were 18+. i also could care less about any relationship drama. anyways i watched all of it and wrote a LOT. it’s kinda interesting (not rly) to see my opinion change over the course of the writing? i was really tearing into jared at first ahaha. but i’m putting it under a readmore. it’s not written well at all so read if you dare...

just started watching. first of all i will say it feels very scripted (is he lying/acting/performing? or is it just well thought out??) idk and LOL at him purposely looking unshaven and like a mess... like THAT was at least on purpose and makes me immediately not rly trust him? but idk i can't actually judge him based on this rly... then again what a sappy fucking thumbnail.

aw geez IT'S LIKE HE'S DOIN A REG COMEDY VIDEO like stop acting dude? i know he's... well he’s weird and seems like a very “scripted” person if that makes sense? but... it's just a rly weird move to try and make a "here's the real story/apology" video this way. not how i’d do it at all (and i’ve been there to a much lesser degree so)...

oh and i know he's SUPER mad at the two (at the time) underage ppl? and justifiably so if they lied. but idk his claim that the only reason for them to remove their accusation posts was "bc they held no water and they knew the timing was right to safely do the most damage"? uh dude you're one of the more well known youtubers like IMAGINE all the ppl that were harassing these guys? well at least they were both lgbtq etc and the gaming community has a traditionally open mind about that (sarcasm).

btw i kinda hate the term "the tea" too? soo much. but just bc it's another appropriated term white kids overuse... but even still i probably wouldn't have opened up a vid like this... well i'll just say it... was he straight up pointing the finger at gay ppl etc for harassing him n bein shallow n only enjoying the drama etc? like idKKK it just felt like he was calling out sassy gay ppl ONLY like why did he even say that??

yeah bc straight white gamer dudes NEVER gossip about drama. they NEVER act shallow. dude ur fanbase is like... some of the most shallow, gossipy ppl out there. i can't TELL you how many AWFUL videos i watched of your fans n other youtbers talking about you. and how... INSANE? it was? that they only rly called you out for "cheating on your cute wife" bc the accusations of underage shit n manipulation yeah nbd! but god forbid you cheat on your "attractive cosplay wife".

srry i'm rly tearing him apart here... i'm not meaning to. almost every gaming personality has shit fans. even i? me. a nobody. have to double check new followers to see if they're nazis etc? it's so common... anyways i'm not actually damning him in any way yet even if i'm bringing up so many lil issues i have w this vid lol srry?

btw i used to follow his tumblr. there was WEIRD shit going on, esp right before it shut down. like the "i got hacked" thing seems really convinient? IDK srry it's just my gut but he reminds me of sociopaths etc i used to be friends with. how he explains things and talks... like they all sound a lil like dennis from always sunny? idk my gut is tellin me he's full of shit i'm sorry. gonna keep watching. wait he really WAS hacked? i mean i guess i believed he was hacked at first bc the guy posting awful shit and claiming to be a pro-hacker was... well he was too crazy to be made up. a real fucking maniac loser.

as time is going on, unless all of this stuff is fabricated? he seems ro have found a crazy amount of proof that he didn't do the underage stuff. like... maybe the weird vibes he gave off is this stuff drove him insane? like... i’ve been friends with/dated quite a few fucked up, gaslighting assholes? trying to figure out what the fuck is going on can drive you a little nuts. he's kinda winning me over here a lil... again if the underage/manipulation stuff is untrue? i could care less about the other stuff. and i LOVE ross? but srry... who cares about that other stuff...

to explain what changed my mind: most ppl that he reminds me of are sociopaths etc. or rather, people that really fucked my life up. so i have a lotta baggage regarding them? and they're bigger in my mind than the other types. i won't lie the way he explains things and argues points REALLY bugs me? but i know ppl like that who are good people. or at least not psychopaths. immature, basic idiots at the worst (not that im callin HIM an idiot). anyways that alone doesn't make him guilty. watchin more now.

i was about to bring up that its actually really... cool? that he's focusing on the underage shit rather than the cheating/drama? bc thats all that needs to be explained rly? but LOL he just got to the "game grumps" part n in losing it. am i rly about to drown in this drama? fuck dude lol noooooo....

okay finished it. fuck man idk i feel stupid. right at the start i even was like "noooo he couldn't have!" but the underage stuff is like... like that shit makes my brain boil n stop working n go into “ill kill him” mode. and jared was so silent and so i figured he was doing damage control (ignoring it until it went away) rather than research to show people this was all fake/getting legal advice?

i kinda think he didn't do any of the real icky shit. i still get a vibe he might be a weirdo. and i don't think heidi necessarily made ALL of that stuff up? and i could care less that he was getting sexually involved w his fans like even I have been flirted with due to running a game gif blog (god knows why). and like FUCK it's so normalized for ppl in bands to sleep w fans? so why on EARTH would people think youtube gamerz are “too good for that”? anyways...

my point is, i think i mighta been wrong about him n the underage stuff. idk what to believe about the other stuff? the only thing i know for sure is that ross o'donovan is a very sweet n nice guy. and i'm so glad the drama between him and jared was imagined. it was prob just shitty to have fans ask him about it over and over...

okay lol if you just read all of this please go do something more fun and interesting now lol! i'm gonna put this all under a readmore and put a tldr on it! and... go to bed bc fuck its 2am OOPS!

[katlizrom-blog]

The K adventures

im 18. 5′2, brown hair and brown eyes, of hispanic decent... and as my whole 136 lbs sits infront of my laptop i like to think im thick and not fat. I have a lot of stuff going on and i also have a lot of issues...who better to tell then a bunch of strangers right?

Lets start at the beginning.

I was born in a beautiful place called california...(i dont wanna be to specific cuz lets be real some of yall might be some creepers). i lived there till i turned 8 then i moved to an awesome place called las vegas, and ive been here ever since. Ive grown up here. My elementary, middle and high school are all 20 minutes away from eachother and i still see/talk to some of my teachers. Crazy how this super big city seem so small... Well like any other 18 year old its been a bumpy ride and im still waaaaay far from being anywhere close to done. Ill be honest i think ive made more mistakes than the average 18 year old...but then again i do live in a city known for sinning. 

WELL. My most recent dilemma is that i suck at love.. like pretty bad..to the point where ive resulted to keeping all my current relationships strictly sexual...or at least trying to. That my dilemma...i cant keep my relationships physical... my hearts to big... almost as big as my butt if were being real. But well for you guys to help me with that i gotta go allll the way back to my freshman year of highschool and my first love yaddy yaddy yadda.

Entering high school i was very big on being a good girl. I dint like getting in trouble and not because i felt bad about disappointing my parents but because i H A T E D getting yelled at... fucked up yeah i know.. but im trying to be as honest as i can be.. well ever since i was younger ive always had really bad anger issues. I dont like being told what to do, being criticized... didnt like lectures or when my parents sat me down to give me advice on life and i definitely didnt like getting yelled at. NOTICE how im saying didnt.... i think ive grown out of all of that. Actually no let me rephrase...ive learned to deal with all of that, But anyways i was a good girl.. till like the middle of the school year. I started hanging out with the wrong crowd and though i dony think i ever been the type to succumb to peer pressure... well long story short i was basically a 14 year old chimney. I used to smoke so much and reek of so much weed that i once had a teacher ask me if i sold it because the juniors were starting to get to her and her dealer had given up the hustling. No lie. 

In my adventures as a mini bob marley i started ditching school and hanging out in this tunnel that was behind my school. That was the go to ditching spot. One day i was walking my happy high as to meet my friends and i met a yummy guy named.....Aiden...Lets call him aiden. He was super cute, about 6 ft tall, had a smile to die for ....and lets not leave out the fact that his voice was smoother than butter. Me and Aiden got to talking and although he was 2 years older we hit it off surprisingly well, and i gave him my number. Fast forward 3 months...we spend so much time on the phone that sometimes wed see the sun coming up and itd already be time to get ready for school.. and i had developed bags so insanely dark they could only be described as designer..aahahhhaha get it? .... whatever. Any ways, my little (by then) 15 year old self was sooo inlove. He was in my instagram bio and everything!!! Keep in mind that im hispanic...and in my family you werent allowed to date unless you had a gpa of 100.100 and you were at least 18.. not only i was i three years too young, but my gpa was so low i was getting job offers from mcdonalds  sent to my email, so this was all done in secret.

Well after being in puppy love for about 5 months i invited my supposed future husband to my house on a night that my parents were supposed to be out all night.

Its 2AM rn and i have work at 10 so like the responsible young adult i am...ima get me some beauty sleep. K outie !

[qwedfas]

rn it's 2am and I'm having a panic attack. Every night before I sleep I keep having one and I just want it to stop.

Hey sweetie,

I’m so sorry that you’ve been going through this - it’s a truly awful and terrifying situation to have to face - and you’ve been so brave for making it through each one. It’s such an isolating nightmare to have to go through each night. Please note that I’m not a psychologist or anything, and this is just based off some of my own personal experiences with panic attacks and anxiety. If you’d like professional help, or techniques on how to manage these attacks, I’d really recommend you talk to Gillian (our school counsellor), or a GP, if you aren’t currently yet. But I’ve experienced that cyclic nightmare as well, frightening myself to the edge on some nights - there is a way out, and it does get better, I promise. Here is some generalized advice:

Panic attacks are usually caused internally, and are self-generated - as counterintuitive and stupid as it sounds. When you encounter an external situation that may cause you normal levels of stress and anxiety, you’re usually fine - but then, without noticing it necessarily, you start to worry about the stress, or about your possible body symptoms to the stress - and this creates a cyclic, internal anxiety. Before you realize it, it starts to snowball - the fear builds up on itself, and you become more confused, and anxious - and eventually, you basically scare yourself to the point where you, and your body, actually believes that it’s in danger. Your body responds to this physiologically, by releasing a large amount of hormones and chemicals, in order to prepare yourself to either “fight” or “escape” the perceived danger; and this corresponds to any symptoms of increased heart-rate, breathing-rate, a “fogginess” in the mind, or weakness in the muscles, whenever you go through a panic attack. But don’t worry about this - this is basically a normal, elevated “survival mode” that our body goes into, whenever we believe we’re in danger, that’s originated from our prehistoric evolutions; it’s a natural, and quite normal part of our lives.

Please remember, however, as you’re having a panic attack: that you will not lose control, nor will you go insane - it impossible, physiologically. At best, your mind and body can only maintain this prolonged state of anxiety for up to three hours - afterwards, your stamina will diminish, and it may leave you feeling exhausted and fatigued by the end of it. But please don’t worry - it is normal to feel this way, especially after the body goes through an intense stage of anxiety or stress.

But here’s the thing: those thoughts, those anxieties that keep cropping up - they’re just thoughts - and they aren’t nearly as heightened or magnified to the extent that they often appear to be whenever we start to panic. They’re thoughts - just thoughts, nothing else - and they can’t hurt you. They don’t have the power, unless you allow them to. Half of the time, the actual external factor that causes us the stress isn’t nearly as bad as we believe it to be - it’s actually way out of proportion, the way we think about things - and not just people with panic attacks, but people in general. Some thoughts are very distorted, however - sometimes exaggerating the danger of things - and it’s not something that can be done consciously - it’s just this awful thing that our mind does - but, I guess, that’s also why some people have this awful condition, and others don’t. We wouldn’t have really have these attacks, if the danger of some situations didn’t seem to be so heightened to us - if our mind didn’t distort them to the point where we believed it was an actual danger. But I promise you: you are so much stronger than those thoughts.

A few steps to try and calm yourself down during the panic attacks are these:

1. Recognize that you’re feeling anxious - accept that the body feelings are just a symptom of the anxiety. You know what this is - it’s just the “fight/flight” mode of the body, that’s all.

2. Give yourself permission to feel anxious - it’s okay. It’s a natural part of life to feel anxious - we all feel this way, at one point - and you know what this panic attack is, what is causing it, and why you feel this way.

3. Breathe - inhale, regulate your breathing. This is so, so important - of all steps to remember, in a panic attack, it’s this: abandon all else, and focus on your breathing. It sounds so trivial, I know - but it actually has such a powerful effect. It’s been proven that actually breathing properly - evenly, through each inhale and exhale, and regulating it - actually regulates the hormonal levels in your body, slows your heart-rate, and forces your body to calm down again - leading to an overall calmer experience. A technique you could use is to breathe in for an allotted amount of time (say, 4 seconds) - and then to breathe out for double the amount of that time (say, 8 seconds); and repeat this at least a couple of times. Another technique that’s pretty popular, is the 4 - 7 - 8 breathing method: breathe in for four seconds, count your breath for seven, and breathe out for eight.

4. Start trying to talk more positively to yourself - and please remember to be kind to yourself throughout all of this. A lot of the time, anxiety and panic attacks are caused by the distorted and false belief that we’re somehow incapable of dealing with the problem.  Talk yourself through it, maybe - that you are completely safe, and this is just a temporary feeling, and it will pass. Examples include, “It’s just anxiety. It will go away. I will not lose control. I can still go about my life without feeling spaced-out. It won’t hurt me. I am safe.”

5. Start trying to distract yourself with doing something else physical - these might include walking, cooking, doing chores. Anything to distract and preoccupy your mind from the thoughts and feelings, at least for the moment.

6. Let time pass - give yourself permission to feel weird for a while; and try to figure out what’s bothering you.

Usually, whenever we get into a panic attack, we also find ourselves get stuck in a loop: where our body becomes frightened by the thoughts that we think, and in turn, our mind gets spurred on/starts panicking about our physical sensations - and it goes on and on. Sometimes, it’s just enough to be aware that the loop is happening - even if you may not feel, emotionally, any better by it. Intellectually being aware of it is fine. Remember, you’re the one who has real control over the thoughts, not the thoughts themselves - you’ve done this before, and you can do this again - the world will not end - you’re completely safe - you can do this! It’s really difficult to try to calm yourself down, and to mentally reassure yourself, in the moment of the attack, I know, and you may not believe half of the things you tell yourself - I know I didn’t. But as you gradually go through these, you eventually become more and more familiar with the act of trying to calm yourself down, and let it pass - you end up believing it, too, as you eventually face more of these attacks, and end up successfully managing to just let the attack pass on its own.

If these don’t work, other techniques you could use to deal with these are maybe journalling down your thoughts, and your experiences, at the end of each day - it helps to clear the mind, and could give you a better perspective on how to deal with the attacks. Otherwise, giving yourself an allotted amount of time each day - a “safe-spot” just to do the things you actually love, and not think about anything else - can prove to be really therapeutic. You could also try cooking, or relaxation colouring. Meditation - as trite as it sounds, can also help a lot - personally, it proved a vital part of my recovery, and it allowed me to see my thoughts for what they really were, and it helped me to “clear my mind”, and feel more relaxed. It helps you be in the “here and now”, which is a problem that people who experience panic attacks usually face. There are a few other programs that I used, and that helped me get out of the attacks - and I don’t particularly want to advertise/“promote” these either, but if they help, then I’m glad: the “Attacking Anxiety” Midwest Center program, as well as the HeadSpace Meditation Program. They’re kind of pricey, though.

If your family is available, and you feel safe enough/comfortable enough to talk about this with them, I’d really recommend talking to your parents, or any siblings about the panic attacks - they could prove to be a very valuable support line, and providing a very comforting presence in your life, where you can just let go of all the anxiety and fear that you’ve been experiencing to listening ears, and you can comfort yourself by talking to them. Similarly, if the attacks get worse, please consider talking to Gillian, our school counsellor.

Hope this helps,

Love,

FAM xx