#I mean. I Can. but I told myself I wouldn't
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wlwsoccerfics · 3 days ago
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Bus Buddies (LaurenHempXReader)
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Warnings: Reader has Diabetes. Slightly suggestive.
Summary: you and Lauren are travel buddies. And engaged.
You have been playing for Manchester City for the last two Seasons. Before that you played for West Ham United for like 6 seasons. Your Main reason for going to Manchester City after that was Lauren. Since you had a Long distance relationship for a while. Playing for the lionesses together(you were born in england but your parents are dutch) was amazing though cause you could spend Lots of time together that way. It was actually how you have gotten together in the first place. So you could decide If you wanted to Play for England or the netherlands. And you chose England.
You currently sat on the bus next to Lauren. You were on your way to London to Play against Chelsea. You Had your head against Laurens shoulder. Eyes closed. Fingers intertwined. She was stroking your fingers softly.
"are you alright, love?" She asked you. You let out a small hum in response.
"yeah, i am." You said, not wanting to worry her. Just grabbing a juice Box from your Backpack. She looked at you.
"Babe...you could have just told me your blood sugar was is Low. If you try and keep this from me again, i am gonna start checking your App myself again." She stated. You blushed softly.
"sorry Angel. I just didn't want you to worry again. Cause i got it under Control." You let her know. Smiling at her.
"i always worry, cause i love you. I know you can take care of it yourself but sometimes you realize it too late and i want to be aware so i can help. And i know the rest of the Team feels like that as well. We are Family after all!" Lauren replied.
"Amen to that!" Jill said, she sat in front of the two of you. So she turned around to look at you.
"you are my best friend Jill, i would assume that you care about my well being, otherwise i would be deeply offended." You stated jokingly.
"Jill and Lauren are right though." Leila said.
"you Guys are sweet. I love all of you for that! Yes i mean the entire team." You replied with a smile.
After your blood sugar went back up you decided to take a little nap. All cuddled up to Lauren, who was playing with your hair gently. So it didn't take long until you were asleep and out like a light. Your fiancee made sure to check your blood sugar on the App of her phone. She usually tried Not to do that, cause she knew you usually had it under Contro,l but she just wanted to make sure today after the little conversation you just had. You of course didn't mind, otherwise you wouldn't have let her have excess to the App so she could see it.
"rough night?" Viv asked and looked at Lauren, then at you sleeping in her arms.
"yeah, kind of. Your sister was woken up three times at night. All while also having a migraine. She is tough though! So she will be all Set for later." Lauren answered.
"i wasn't so worried about her playing or not, i mean all i care about is that she is okay. altough we obviously need her on the pitch." Viv let you know.
"duh...the two Miedema goats are always needed on the pitch!" Mary stated.
"the talent is unmatched." Kerstin said.
"are you scared we gonna leave? Or why are you bathing us in compliments? Not that i mind. Just curious." You mumbled out. Slowly trying to wake up again. Blinking a few times.
"we are making sure that the thought of leaving, doesn't cross your Minds!" Leila stated, like it was obvious.
"don't worry, Lauren put a ring on it to make sure i stay!" You said with a soft chuckle. As you held up your hand to show them the Engagement Ring again.
"yeah next thing is actually getting married and then to have a Baby! It was my plan all along to keep her Here!" Lauren answered and winked softly.
"i always knew you just wanted me for my Football talent." You replied, faking a pout but then you had to grin.
"that's not true. You are also talented in other places." Your fiancee let you know, grinning sheepishly.
"she means the bedroom,in case you Guys didn't get that!" You informed the Team and grinned. Viv who sat in the Seat behind you, playfully hit your shoulder.
"too much information!" Your sister stated. Everyone else was laughing.
You started playing Sudoku with your fiancee. You played taking turns. While you listened to an Audiobook together on your Phone. Using Laurens earpods. You had the left one and she has the right one in her ear. You loved having your fiancee as your Bus Buddy and wouldn't trade that for the world.
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pilotingdreammsss · 2 days ago
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(just read your recent PV yandere fic and it was fantastic!) I was wondering if you could do a Wind Archer yandere. He’s very determined on forcing you to stay in the forest once you’ve formed a bond with him.
Wind archer gaslights us plenty when you say demand otherwise. I believe he would never use physical force on you, but psychologically would, so maybe just a bunch of manipulative or scare tactics. Leading you to overthink about your safety beyond the forest.
Now hypothetically if you ever did leave the forest’s, he would definitely be stalking you around, noticing him when you least expect it. Eventually he would come up to you in hopes to coach you back to him!
Hello anon! I'm glad you enjoyed the PV drabble I made! ^w^, these will be headcanons, if you don't mind! I'm lessening the pressure on myself to write full-fledged oneshots so I don't burn out and can continue writing for yall!
·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞ "Yandere Wind Archer Cookie x Reader headcanons + short drabble."
·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ Wind Archer is a curious cookie to me - I can't quite imagine him being a yandere in the traditional sense. He's far too reserved and duty-bound that he relies on you to stay in the forest whilst he handles his duty. I don't believe he'd be one to be completely enamored with surveillance, either, since he is relatively sound at keeping track of who leaves and who stays in the forest.
·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ This does not mean he's neglectful in any sense however, he's far from that, leading you deeper into the forest, having you unknowingly walk in circles so he's sure you're not leaving is not entirely off the table. If you do ask, he denies any allegation of leading you into dead ends even if you insist you'd walked this way before. If you press on, Wind Archer Cookie begins to feed you lies on how dangerous your life will be without his protection. You wouldn't want to leave safety, would you?
·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ Though if you do try depart, if you manage to work through the mazes of foliage and greenery, you'll find that he's not immediately on your tail. It's strangely silent, though he waits until the world becomes too dangerous for you. Observing from amongst trees and shrubbery, he awaits for when you're in peril, for when the world becomes 'too much' to finally strike. Only then he appears, whether at your door or at the side of your bed, to usher you back home. Hoping that it'll coach you back to him, so he may have the peace that you're safe within his bounds. Given you refuse, things get a little messy.
·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ Wind Archer Cookie doesn't seem to be a cookie to use force. There's no grabbing or kidnapping, or drugging. Instead a tantalizing escalation in his previous actions. Your friends suddenly disappear into the forest, never to be seen again, townsfolk grow weary or aggressive, and you are none the wiser to what is going on behind the scenes. Your unpleasant neighbour is suddenly attacked, your best friend suddenly goes missing - all in the name of wiping away the impurity in your life, so you make your way straight back to him.
·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ You can't break his bond, even with distance, you simply must come back to him! Lest you want to see him lose composure, spiral, and twist your social life into a confusing, upsetting mess.
·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ And when you do return, he's overjoyed - he won't show it in his face, but he's infinitely glad that you returned to live with him. Whether that be after he ruined your life outside the forest, or whether you returned at his first proposition. It doesn't matter - he'll make sure you never leave again.
"The forest is your sanctuary. What lies out there is smeared in impurity."
___________________________________·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳
"Wind Archer Cookie, we've walked this way already."
You hiss, eyes glaring slightly. He told you this was the way out, but you swore you'd seen this same rose bush the two times before. 4 red roses, 7 buds, next to a large sycamore tree. You were convinced the guardian was playing you like a fiddle.
He lets out an exasperated hum, eyes narrowed and serious. Indeed you'd caught on - so he'd have to switch tactics. The next circle you'd make would surely be your last, he couldn't have you escape, slip from his hands, you were surely his bonded lover. Even if you weren't fully aware of it yet.
"Allow me."
He reaches for your hand, which you hesitantly provide to him. The other of his hands holds his humble bow, proud and trusted in his hands. At once he turns, away from your freedom, to lead you into the deep. You're unknowing, but of course, you could only trust in him. Trust he intends to lead you out of here, instead of deeper amongst the leaves.
Instead, your village would never hear of you again - missing posters would wear and stain, covered in other missing posters, announcements, until your name slips away from memory. Only whispers of your fate, that'd you'd walked into the forest at once, and never returned, would linger as warning.
A/N: Wind Archer is HARRRD to write for as hard as he is to draw. Hope this is to your liking anon! I wrote this whilst waiting for my dinner... mmm hamburger...
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mosspapi · 10 months ago
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My appointment with my doctor is on Friday but apparently my mother is making us go to ikea on Wednesday. I'm still laying in bed basically all day from last Friday. How does she expect me to go to ikea while I feel like this AND be able to have a coherent conversation with my doctor on Friday. I'm gonna lose it
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sodaneko · 4 months ago
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LALECHINGO!! ; a birthday event
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ it’s bingo! and also a raffle.
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let’s party!! one thing about me is that is love a little event and since it’s my birthday month i felt like hosting one :3c
so: raffle time! but you gotta play some bingo first before you can participate. lemme give you a rundown on how it works.
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what's the prize?
✰ a total of three 1k (or longer) fics from me! i don’t take requests so this is a rare chance to see something specific written by me ✰ the 3 winners will receive a wishlist form from me in which they can go wild ✰ haikyuu x reader only! gender of reader is for the winners to decide, i’ll write for all of them. ✰ not limited to sfw only (that being said: mdni)
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details & rules (it looks like a lot, but i promise it's easy)
✰ to participate in the raffle, you gotta fill out the bingo cards! there’s ten of them in total at the end of this post. some are writing prompts, some are for reading, some to spread some kindness. you can grab and combine any that catch your interest.
✰ 1 bingo equals 1 point. if you manage to fill out an entire card, you’ll get 10 points, so 10x your name in the draw pot for the raffle. this means you can get up to 100 points in total if you fill out all ten cards completely.
✰ it’s not first come, first serve! you got two weeks to have fun with your bingo cards.
✰ this event is mostly about making fandom a little better for everyone, whether you’re a writer or a reader, no matter how you participate in it. this means you don’t have to show me proofs how you got these bingos. putting my trust in you that you won’t cheat <3
✰ since the prizes are gonna be fics by me, i would feel better knowing you actually like my works enough to follow me. however, it’s not a must to be a follower to participate. again, it’s more about fandom than me.
✰ writers picking up the writing prompts: it up to you how you use them! can be drabbles or headcanons, small fics, big fics, moodboards, not limited to haikyuu only. really whatever sparks your inspiration. you don’t even have to publish it or tag me in it (though i’d love to see ofc hehe), this is for YOU and your inspiration.
✰ do NOT bring any ai into this. i'll rip you to shreds
✰ once you’re finished, either reblog this post with your bingo cards or send me an ask with them (i won’t publish them, just for me to keep track)
✰ i’ll draw & announce the three winners on Jan 27th and will contact them through dms for their wishlist :3
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card 1-6 ; for the writers
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card 7 & 8 ; for the readers
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card 9 & 10 ; for the kindness
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that's all! have fun ♡ - Lale
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Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.
I don't have external meltdowns.
I could. I don't let it happen.
I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.
So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.
She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.
Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].
It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.
They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.
I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.
I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.
I couldn't understand what made her like this.
But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.
If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.
And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*
And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?
My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.
Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???
And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.
I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*
She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.
I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.
So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.
But I told her hundreds of times.
I probably should have just screamed at her.
#good stay out of our yard' and he didn't seem to know what to say to that#but other than that I don't think anyone in my adult life has ever seen me turn aggressive at all to the point where people 100% like to#play games of testing my patience and my boundaries because they think my tolerance is infinite#but like I have autistic rage tantrums on both sides of my family and they are just happening inside my head#And somehow it took me until now to realize that being that way was actually -expected- of me by my parents and especially my mother#and that by keeping myself outwardly level headed to be considerate I actually took away whatever signals she can understand#to have empathy for how I must be feeling#I mean it's still all on her#but it makes so much sense of why she's fucking *like this*#And why my sister thinks I hate her just because -she- stopped texting -me-#but that fucking guy#Every time I was like#In my adult life I have screamed at someone ONE whole time and it was 1000% deserved#And I threw heavy objects around one whole other time and in my defense I didn't do it in front of the guy he just felt the ground shaking#heard the thuds and came back to the logs blocking his path because that fucker wouldn't stop parking in our yard after being asked#and then TOLD not to about 10 times because he was acting entitled to just park in our yard and was crushing my plants???#seriously I don't know what his deal was but he wouldn't stop telling me how much the ground shaking scared him like it was supposed#to get my pity like I think this guy took one look at the logs I had just tossed down and was suddenly afraid of this “woman” he was#bullying in their own yard and so my ability to feel bad for scaring him had gone straight out the fucking window#I looked at him and said stop parking in our yard instead of your own you are killing my plants#he'd just fucking be like 'well the last people to live here let us D: :)“ and I'd be like ”good for them?“ ”stop“#and he'd just keep doing it#I was having a week of insomnia and was finally having the best dream#the kind of sex dream you have like twice in your life#and this fucker had just gotten some noisy ass little bike with a spoiler on it#and starts it up right under my window at 3am from IN OUR FUCKING YARD#so I had a nice long anger nap and just after he got home from work and was sleeping in his house#I picked up these chunks of deadwood tree from the back#there was like 3-4 logs that used to be a WHOLEASS fucking oak tree Like these logs were not as heavy as they -looked- but they were still#this fucker deleted half the tags I wrote and I am not retyping that fuck you tumblr so fucking hard
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bloodsbane · 3 months ago
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was responsible and did the things i must do to change my current health insurance (UHC eek!), headpats pls
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bigthingsforeverintheworks · 3 months ago
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socializing is so hard I'm like "yeah i finally got my depression done with forever (for real this time" and then I am in an environment with people and it's like "fuck how do I act i don't have the knowledge of the things should I be listening should I be looking I mean how do like verbal conversations work like they're clearly not oriented towards a goal in the same way emails are but they also just like don't have the same sort of "just kinda say things" that the internet has ok that's not fair I have held conversations, even if the initiation differs which is a big part of it but there is something different obviously like the expectation of latency & just basic woah you can't see them bit but also like it feels less direct. Oh and then now you have to deal with timing like 100x as often idk i think at the third time it's just time to give up. Though ok I mean I'm not incapable of verbal speech I can give answers in english class also why is my head burning and i mean i don't think my hands should be there do people care about that also i can't fathom the depravity of how i look"
#i mean like depression overriding symptoms of anxiety doesn't seem an unreasonable hypothesis#though it would imply something weird but it was a while ago#tbh it is kind of fun to mostly check out (i am still listening) and then pop in whenever weird things are being said#though like I'm pretty sure I'm an outsider somewhat?? idk#it's one of those things where nobody's going to give me a straight answer if i somehow had the courage to ask#I mean ok in theory this is one of those situations in which you're supposed to ask somebody with more expertise#but alas that person is not a teacher and even though I can convince myself on the “it takes them a lot less time to answer”#they are not paid to do it so it's not relaly enough#and i wouldn't know who to ask ghhghgghgggg#there's also one person who looks at me like. more than normal and i don't know why it feels weird they seem like they have something to sa#but presuambly if it was positive they'd have said it idkdkdk#imagine if they put me in a real social situation#one-on-one i've talked to like. one person.#also god like i don't know i'm ok i'm still stuck up on the diagnosis thing especially because sigh i do view it as membership of a group#potentially more than anything else#even though like everything idk i feel like more good will would be afforded on me if i were autistic#not that i'm like lacking in good will or uh. whatever.#the thing is i don't really believe believe that “you know :) means happy” is thing that autistic people can't do#like yes difficulty with recognizing emotions is an issue but it is just like a factoid.#granted this is what my perception of pitch was before i got corrected and told i had perfect pitch so my track record isn't great#but also that's more of a thing?#I mean like ok i do recognize that a smile is inducing happiness outside of the knowledge of its connotation#though the lack of distinction in the original question doesn't give me faith that it's important though it's i've heard a stupid test#I mean ghhhhhhhhhh it at least feels like if i were to be allistic and then spent time in autistic spaces it'd be boring#like i shouldn't be framing autism as like a superpower which i don't think it is though maybe they don't mean literal autism though that'd#be weird. Also like I mean there is a tendency to just be like “having a lot of thoughts is autism”#or the like I mean i'm probably oversimplifying and it's the questioning of structure ad such but like#idk i feel kind of stuck in the middle. what was this post about#oh yeah ok i mean like idk uhhh it should like uh. eeee give me an in although i'm not sure how because either it is a way of recontextuali#prior experinces in a way that's better or it changes nothing except the label which
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elytrafemme · 4 months ago
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the unintended byproduct of having the finch app where the cute bird helps you do self care is that after you open the app she will send you little notifications throughout the day being like hiiii my day is great how are you doing which is great i guess generally but right now i'm like. back in the throes of cptsd issues and also crying over a doctor's appointment so i don't really care how your day is going lychee. and then i feel guilty because lychee the bird has only ever loved me but like i don't. care. right now.
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outlying-hyppocrate · 7 months ago
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seriously considering telling my therapist the One Thing i have only ever told one person in my life ever. but it doesn't feel real because nobody's actually worried and also it hasn't affected me physically or mentally in a somewhat debilitating way yet so. {:
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the-casbah-way · 2 years ago
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i just think it's so unfair that when i left high school my entire support system was gone overnight and i was just expected to get on with it with no help and because i wasn't diagnosed back then no one believed me or accommodated for me or cared, so i had to postpone my degree for two years and watch all my friends graduate without me and move to different cities and i went from being a straight a student who never had to study in their life to barely scraping the minimum grades and never showing up to class because i had convinced myself i was too stupid and slow to ever get my degree because i wasn't getting any of the support i kept asking for and was expected to read and listen to lectures without any help and keep up with everyone else when none of my support needs were being met. and now after trying for five years to find a way to get the degree i always wanted my uni have told me they're not going to let me do it anymore because of one module requirement that i missed because i was in hospital against my own choice. and even after i said i would use the entirety of my savings which i specifically worked for so that i could have a safety net for my studies to pay for the extra year required to get the module they need they've still said no. even though there's a bunch of spare places on the course and it wouldn't impact my timetable at all. even though i got As in every assignment i did for that course compared the the Bs and Cs i used to get in every other subject. even when i told them that i can't keep doing a science based humanities subject because i have dyscalculia and it's literally impossible for me to get through a single sentence of reading on my own, compared to the module i want to do where my lecturer literally bought me extra course textbooks with his own money because i finished everything else on the reading list in my own time and he said he was impressed with the work i sent him. i told them that me and my brother are the first in my family to go to uni, and how neither of my parents finished school or have any qualifications, and i never though in a million years i would ever get to have a degree and i've had everything stacked against me because their uni is 99% rich able bodied neurotypicals and i'm so close to graduating even though i had no support at all for the first four years. and they still don't care. they can't even give me a reason as to why they won't let me get the degree i want. they just keep saying 'we're not in a position to let you do the extra module' over and over again and i don't even understand what they mean. i'm going to pay for it myself. they have spare spaces on the course. i don't understand what else i can do to make them listen. they talk so much about diversity and accessibility yet every other poor and disabled person i talk to (and there's barely fucking any at this uni because they don't want us to be there) has been through similar experiences and had opportunities taken away from them because they were too unwell to attend one single fucking class. i don't know what to do but i've been here way too long and tried way too hard to drop out now. but i also can't bear to not to the degree i've always dreamed of. i don't want to do anything else
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lovecrafts-iranon · 1 year ago
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I wanted to have my opinions about writing mean something. They only would if I were a good writer. The biggest controversial one being that the whole "characters talk to me and take over the plot haha if I start writing with a plan the characters never stick to it" thing is soooooo stupid and annoying. But that's meaningless coming from me.
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light-wrath-paradise · 2 months ago
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Btwww I might have. A disorder. I will not specify. But it is a new one. One I don't have yet. It is not known yet.
Like it's probably nothing I mean just forget about it it's totally fine and probably nothing and I'm just being hysterical and I managed to subconsciously manipulate my doctors aha. Like don't worry about it I'm sure this is just a hell of my own making and if I really wanted it to stop I could totally just stop it. So don't even worry about it.
The fact that the only people who fully relate to me and whom I relate to are people with said disorder just means that I subconsciously manipulated them into relating to me. Somehow.
#idk i feel weird about it#I didn't post about it because idk i feel weird about people i know irl knowing about it#because for one it's just a possibility for now and do you know how embarrassing it would be#if i told someone and cried about it and then i had to walk it back? like if i had to go 'oh yeah no turns out I'm just hysterical'?#second of all i think that people might just dismiss it? like maybe they'd go 'oh okay. anyway.'#and on one hand that's nice but on the other hand it'd feel dismissive#third of all I'm scared that they might think I'm making it up. like they'd go 'boooo that's nothing. everyone experiences that. you just#need to git gud. ummm only people with a lot of trauma have that and i have never heard you talk about severe childhood trauma#so like...are you sure you aren't just bipolar? you only think that because some of your friends have that.' etc etc#fourth of all I'm scared they'll swing the other way around and take it too seriously and go 'ohh. idk that's kinda scary. goodbye forever.'#and like my only irl friends who know are 1) my friend with severe chronic health problems because i felt semi-safe confiding in them#because they have a lot of chronic health problems and are used to not being believed so i knew they likely possibly#wouldn't ridicule me. and well it turns out that they have the exact same issues so.#(i mean i love them dearly but when you have eg depression and the only person who knows also has severe unmedicated#depression the support you give eachother is kinda like 'damn i feel like I'm dying' 'damn me too')#2) a friend who has said disorder diagnosed and has had for long enough that said friend's daily life issues are due to completely#different things than mine. and of course being semi-ok with your existence is great but what I'm getting at is that#it can also be a little awkward in the same way it's definitely awkward for someone who is like getting thrown around by their#symptoms of BP//D wanting support from me as someone who went to DBT and isn't getting strangled by B//PD all day every day#so you know. I'm kinda rawdogging my crippling fear and anxiety and sadness and grief and disgust and everything else.#i just keep repeating to myself 'oooooh it's fine it's fine I'm just a tool i have to support others i should not ask for support#i am the one who supports not the one who is suported i am a service i am a tool i shall not bother those who have their own#problems with my problems and existence '
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the-cooler-king · 1 year ago
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The thought of explaining to my mom at some point that I'm moving in with this guy I met at work (that I don't talk to her about because.... wait for it) because her immediate reaction will be that we're fucking, dating, whatever and that I'm stupid to do this (like she did) and I'm especially worried about the moment she discover he has kids because she has always maintained I am "confused" and that I would end up with a man and be normal. What a thought to get out. That's probably why I have a headache
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astonmartinii · 7 months ago
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the king of monza can do what he wants | charles leclerc social media au
pairing: charles leclerc x fem alonso!reader
the king of monza can win the race, have his relationship exposed and challenge his soon-to-be father-in-law to a duel, he can do what he wants.
MASTERLIST | TIP JAR
oscarpiastri
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liked by olliebearman, danielricciardo and 432,095 others
tagged: lilyzneimer, yourusername, charles_leclerc
oscarpiastri: double header means we crashed on my adoptive parents' couch and forced them to cook for me (only y/n, obviously)
view all comments
user1: does he know this isn't his private account?
user2: SHUSH DON'T TELL HIM
user3: we need to enjoy this while it lasts
jackdoohan: oscar, there's still time to delete this
oscarpiastri: why would i delete this?
oscarpiastri: oh
oscarpiastri: oh no
jackdoohan: you might want to warn your kinda dad you've exposed the identity of your kinda mum as your kinda grandad is probably putting out a hit on him as we speak
fernandoalo_oficial: don't call me a grandad 👿🤬😡😠💢😤
jackdoohan: OSCAR QUICK HE'S DISCOVERED EMOJIS HE MUST BE REALLY MAD
user4: fernando, are you okay?
fernandoalo_oficial: i want that frenchies head on a stick
charles_leclerc: i am monegasque!
fernandoalo_oficial: so you do actually want to die?
yourusername: okay let's calm down old man
fernandoalo_oficial: SILENCE I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! THAT'S THE MAN?
yourusername: yes!
fernandoalo_oficial: no.
charles_leclerc: i object!
lancestroll: his eye hasn't stopped twitching since
charles_leclerc: i don't care! he might be crazy but I'M IN LOVE SO BRING IT OLD MAN
user5: wtf have i woken up to this morning
user6: the public execution of the prince of monaco
yourusername: just because he has a samurai tattoo doesn't mean he knows how to use a sword
fernandoalo_oficial: i will tear him apart with my bare hands
user7: i fear this comment section alone has undone all of his funky grandad tiktok PR
user8: he's going to make charles cry in the press conference
yourusername: oh well, charlie is hot when he cries
user9: and how do you know that...
yourusername: that's none of your business 😈
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yourusername
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liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1 and 2,312,088 others
tagged: charles_leclerc
yourusername: italy has my heart and so do you <3
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user11: queen got exposed and immediately started flexing her unbelievably sexy bf
yourusername: why wouldn't i? he's so damn FINE
charles_leclerc: teehee (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)
user12: you might as well have told me to kill myself
fernandoalo_oficial: enjoy your weekend charles, it will be your last
charles_leclerc: and if i win? i think suspended sentence?
fernandoalo_oficial: @carlossainz55 i have a proposition for you
yourusername: why are we acting like he wouldn't do that for free
carlossainz55: excuse me?
yourusername: i'm calling you a jealous bitch xx
carlossainz55: what is your price nando?
fernandoalo_oficial: i'm not fucking paying you, i was assuming you'd do it in a jealous rage anyway
carlossainz55: ???
user13: the way carlos is being jumped from both sides unprovoked
user14: which ever alonso it is, they choose violence
oscarpiastri: so ... am i off the hook yet?
yourusername: you know we can't say no to you
fernandoalo_oficial: oscar you might actually be my favourite now, thank you for bringing this to my attention
oscarpiastri: sure i'll take it!
charles_leclerc: you can have my heart and everything else for as long as you want
yourusername: looks like you'll never get it back ;)
charles_leclerc: that's fine by me if i get to spend it with you
yourusername: i love you :P
charles_leclerc: i love you more ( > 〰 < )♡
fernandoalo_oficial
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liked by jensonbutton, aussiegrit and 1,209,566 others
fernandoalo_oficial: cash prize for anyone who can actually track down this little rat - i just want to talk i swear
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user15: it's official everyone, he's gone crazy
user16: as crazy as he is at least he's bringing the DRAMA 🤩
yourusername: this isn't very peace and love of you
fernandoalo_oficial: that has never been the way in this family
fernandoalo_oficial: but let me make this clear, i mean in a destroy all of your enemies way rather than a jos verstappen way
maxverstappen1: ???
yourusername: destroying our enemies does not mean you can do your best jos verstappen impression and drive your aston martin into charles
fernandoalo_oficial: don't be stupid y/n, the aston martin is too slow, i'm going to steal his brakes
yourusername: and how will you do that boomer
fernandoalo_oficial: ferrari are stupid they probably still haven't changed the passwords or locks since i left
yourusername: @scuderiaferrari excuse me???
scuderiaferrari: ....
user17: so like this is a genuine hit?
user18: mob boss!fernando alonso you are so special to me
user19: sorry charles but it's so sexy
charles_leclerc: drop the address senor i'm not scared of you
lancestroll: he brought the samurai sword btw
yourusername: @f1 DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE ANY SECURITY MEASURES ???
f1: it made a good tiktok 👍
yourusername: you people are useless
charles_leclerc: no worries my love it's all under control
fernandoalo_oficial: i will carve you like a christmas turkey
yourusername: you go anywhere near charles with that sword we're both going romeo and juliet style
user20: what on earth is going on
user21: just smile and wave i think we're watching collective hysteria
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f1
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liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri and 3,562,778 others
tagged: charles_leclerc
f1: CHARLES LECLERC WINS FOR FERRARI AT MONZA
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user23: bro heard fernando was gonna steal his brakes and simply just drove so fast he didn't need them
user24: he was like 'oh you want my head on a stick? TRY AND CATCH ME'
yourusername: pretty boy is so so talented it's not fair
yourusername: who am i kidding
yourusername: STUNT ON THOSE HOES I LOVE YOU BABY
charles_leclerc: thank you baby, i simply had to drive so fast so i could give you a kiss
charles_leclerc: and also so i could tell your dad to SUCK ON THAT OLD MAN
user25: he's had too much champagne and might actually get himself killed
user26: i will throw myself in front of that sword for him
yourusername: you and me too buddy - i'll cover your drinks for this evening
fernandoalo_oficial: i still want him dead
charles_leclerc: what the fuck do you want from me? i just won? did you see that freak of an orange car? i look after your daughter like i looked after those tyres
yourusername: so romantic 🤭
fernandoalo_oficial: he just compared you to tyres? have some standards i raised you better?
yourusername: believe me, i do have standards - he's special xx
fernandoalo_oficial: i also won monza with ferrari he's not that special
user27: at least he's stopped with the samurai sword talk?
user28: he did say he still wants him dead though
maxverstappen1: @yourusername why couldn't you have dated lando? would've made this championship a lot easier
landonorris: HUH?
yourusername: please refer to my previous comment about standards
charles_leclerc: hehehehehe
landonorris: HUH???
charles_leclerc
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liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1 and 4,523,099 others
tagged: yourusername
charles_leclerc: grazie mille tifosi !! this is for you and all of your support. i'm glad my family and my love were here to see this win as well. fernando, bring your sword, i'll fight for your daughter's hand.
view all comments
user29: i love this family and i've known them a week
user30: fernando might have to go through me as well at this point
yourusername: i love you so much and you have deserved this and more for so so long xx
charles_leclerc: i couldn't do it without you (and our weird little grid family)
yourusername: you're my favourite person in the world and i just love to see you happy
charles_leclerc: you make me the happiest man in the world
yourusername: i love you
charles_leclerc: i love you too
user31: as cute as all this is ^^ where is this duel
user32: can someone PLEASE STREAM IT !!!!! I WILL PAY
user33: I NEED IT I NEED IT
fernandoalo_oficial: come outside
lancestroll: he spent all of the debrief sharpening the sword btw
charles_leclerc: i'm ready girlypop
fernandoalo_oficial: GIRLYPOP ???
yourusername: PEACE AND LOVE BOZO
maxverstappen1: can we get this show on the road please?
lewishamilton: charles please hurry up i've got some serious cash on this tussle
yourusername: how much we talking?
charles_leclerc: i might die and you're checking the wager?
yourusername: because i have faith in you !!!!
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yourusername
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liked by maxverstappen1, fernandoalo_oficial and 2,136,344 others
tagged: charles_leclerc
yourusername: he's alive and he's a winner! the king of monza can do what he wants
view all comments
user35: prince of monaco? king of monza? bro is collecting titles
yourusername: my husband next 🤞🏻
charles_leclerc: bet
user36: is ANYONE GOING TO TELL US WHAT HAPPENED IN THE DUEL
georgerussell63: it was extremely unprofessional and there will be an extensive powerpoint covering how this won't happen again
fernandoalo_oficial: i'll fight you next time george
user37: don't go off TOPIC
charles_leclerc: i out strategised him lol
oscarpiastri: what he means is that he surprised fernando from behind and wouldn't stop hugging him until he agreed that he wouldn't skewer him like a kebab
charles_leclerc: and it worked! now look he's on my boat giving me his blessing
user38: you're telling me charles hugged his way out of the conflict?
user39: perhaps the most babygirl he's ever been
user40: we need the pictures SHOW IT TO ME RACHEL
fernandoalo_oficial: fine, i guess he's okay. i'm not calling him the king of monza though
yourusername: i knew you'd come around
fernandoalo_oficial: i love my daughter SORRY
yourusername: don't lie to me you only calmed down and accepted it because i called in the reinforcements
user41: i'm crying she called babysitters for her dad
yourusername: jenson and mark, idk how you deal with him
jensonbutton: the stress of him and his antics keep me skinny
aussiegrit: i think we're all trauma bonded
charles_leclerc: i'll be the king of monza, if you'll be my queen
charles_leclerc: and i will continue to do what i want
yourusername: i'll be your queen anywhere you want
yourusername: and if doing what you want includes fighting my dad... let's turn it down a lil
charles_leclerc: for you, i'll do anything
fin.
note: here yall go - this was in my drafts half done from monza weekend but life got crazy
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misayani · 4 months ago
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HONEY (R U COMING?) — SE-MI (PLAYER 380)
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◜ pairing ... se-mi / player 380 x  fem reader
◜arrogant and bratty reader (044) recruiting se-mi (380) for the second game
𔗨 author's note — wasn't seeing enough fanfics for my baby so ... [lowercase intended]
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"i dont see anyone else that's good enough for us" you hear gyeong-su comment with a huff. 
you're currently standing with three idiots—thanos, gyeong-su, and nam-gyu, slightly distanced from the three with your arms crossed against your chest and while your twirl your hair. 
"yo thanos, what are we going to do?" nam-gyu's irritating voice cut through all the noise of other people communicating.
thanos turned to him, his head bopping, motherfucker's high again. "i don't fucking care man, let them come to us. i mean, who wouldn't want to be with the great thanos!" 
both men chuckled as nam-gyu speaks up once again, "what about you 044? make yourself useful, can't just sit pretty doing nothing eh?".
"and you call yourself useful?" you scoff as you turned around to face the three, eyebrows raised. thanos smirked at you as you sighed, "fine, i'll make myself useful. no one would probably even care to join you, even if you begged." 
"you bitc—" nam-gyu would've reached you already if it weren't for thanos holding him back while cackling at the both of you.
with one last huff, you strutted your way to the crowd, scanning around the room for someone who met your personal standards—hot, unbothered, and most specially, a woman. 
your eyes landed on a person wearing a jacket with the number '380'. with a confident smirk, you walked towards the woman whose back is facing you and talking to someone.
"leave." your voice broke their conversation as they both looked at you. you eyes were darted to the boy specifically, him being the one you told to leave.
"w-what?" the boy stuttered, looking at you bewildered.
you furrow your eyesbrows, taking a step closer to the boy, "do i seriously need to get you hearing aids? i said leave." 
the boy scrambled away before you can even take your second step to him. with a pleased smile, you turned to the utterly attractive woman who looked at you with an amused expression.
"join me." short and straight to the point. you were confidently sure that she would just say yes and come with you— surely, who in their right minds would turn down a pretty girl's offe-
"why should i?" she voices out. oh. my. fucking. god is her voice so alluring. her looks already made your legs feel like jelly and then comes her voice?— yes lord.
snapping out of your fantasies, you furrowed your eyebrows as you looked at her with an expression that read 'how dare you?' 
"a-are you serious? why shouldn't you?" you looked at her up and down in attempt to intimidate her, but really just an excuse to check her out.
"can't just expect me to join you after rudely making the boy i was talking to leave, sweetheart." she crosses her arms as she made her way closer.
sweetheart. heat rushed to your cheeks and you scoff, rolling your eyes. 
"what do you want me to do then? he doesn't look like someone who's good enough to join forces with in a death game like this anyways." you rebut. 
"and you think you're good enough?" she smirks at you. before you could even utter another word, she straights up and looks down at you—caused by height difference, making you feel small— and chuckles.
"what's your name and give me one good reason why i should join you."
you told her your name, which made you sound too eager for your liking, before you straightened yourself up and flicked you hair to the back.
 "i'll make sure you win. team up with someone who actually looks like they're capable of winning instead of someone who looks like a lost puppy." your eyes darted to the boy she was talking to earlier who was now talking to other people before returning your gaze to her.
she crosses her arms and brings a finger to her mouth to bite down on and stares at you, which made you scream internally. what the fuck. how can someone be this hot?
after some silence between you two, she spoke up "fine. but if i lose, i'll come for you."
huh. 'come for me?' won't be such a bad idea, right? the thoughts made you smirk as you boldy traveled your eyes over her figure. 
"oh, i think you have me mistaken. i won't mind at all if you came for me" your voice sounded innocent, but your words were laced with an obvious innuendo.
"oh?" she smirks. before you could even let her finish her sentence, you speak up once again to avert the topic.
"how will you come for me if you die anyways?" you roll your eyes to try and hide your flustered state. "which, by the way, you won't. my group is decent, me being the best member of course." 
and as if on cue, thanos and the two made their way to the both of you, his annoying voice dominating the noise surrounding you. 
"there you are doll, been lookin for you." you scoff at his words as thanos turns to face 380, which you still don't know the name of, "and who is this señorita?"
you opened your mouth to say something but 380 beat you to it. "se-mi. she recruited me." she says, nodding to you. 
moanable name. you thought.
"really? another woman? you already make this team weak." nam-gyu yaps as he turns to face you, saliva escaping his mouth. filthy.
you scoff as you step away and point your finger at him, "fucking shut your mouth. you haven't done shit to this team. your ass can't fucking talk." 
before a fight between you two broke out, gyeong-su already restrained nam-gyu. thanos whistles, "well. there's that."
the purple-haired man throws his arm over your shoulders and faced nam-gyu. "let's not talk shit now eh? we're a fucking team!" he yells as he raised his free arm up, "try not to kill each other off, we still have games to play."
nam-gyu rolls his eyes and se-mi watches the scene unfold, snickering.
"now come on my folks, come on." thanos frees you from his hold as he walked through the crowd, arms spread as if bragging, with nam-gyu and gyeong-su following.
your lips unsubconsciously turn into a pout as you turned to face se-mi, who was already looking at you.
"cute." she eyes you up and down and starts walking towards thanos' direction. your mouth opens as if you let out a silent gasp at what she said and just stared.
she realized you weren't following so she stopped and turned her head to look at you.
"coming?" she smirks
oh i'm definitely coming.
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@misayani
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dokyumms · 2 months ago
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seventeen's reaction to you overworking yourself (hyung line) !
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pairings: hyung line x reader (find maknae ver. here)
genre: fluff, angst
word count: 1.6k
cw: light cursing, overworking, fatigue, fainting
a/n: i had to cut this in half since it was getting too long and i wanted to make sure i posted today! i have NO idea why i made seungcheol's so long lmao. hope you enjoy kings ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ also, i will be closing my requests so i can catch up on them over the weekend, i'll try to get them done by monday! thank you for all the support, it means so much to me ⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
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seungcheol - seungcheol is livid. you're still at your second part-time job when seungcheol calls you, "send me your location, y/n." you didn't tell seungcheol you had taken on a second job. you've never been comfortable with money, always having to work multiple jobs to stay afloat. that was until you met seungcheol, and since then he's always taken care of your expenses, even offering to pay for part of your tuition, and you decided it was enough. you didn't want for your (millionaire) boyfriend to think you were using him, so you told him you took on some evening classes.
today, you're covering someone else's shift. originally, you weren't going to, but after their promise of sending you a little extra money for it, you accepted.
"cheol, i told you i'm-"
"at class still? don't bullshit me, y/n. you didn't take on any new classes, you left your paper schedule on the counter."
your stomach drops. ah hell, you must be stupid. "y/n, what are you really doing?" he asks, almost pleading. there's absolutely no fighting it at that point, "i'm... at work. shift just ended, i'll send you my location." in defeat, you sit on a barstool at the restaurant and wait for seungcheol.
when he walks in, his eyes are immediately on you, walking over and grabbing your hand. "let's go," is all he says. the car ride is silent with tension; he only asks about it once you two are both home. "why? y/n there's no reason for you to be working another job. i'm right here; if you needed financial help, i could've helped you." he says gently, trying to maintain his frustration, but his brows are furrowed, exposing his true emotions.
"that's just the thing seungcheol, you're always here to help me. i don't want to use you because i can't support myself." you reason, but seungcheol obviously isn't buying it. "y/n, you're not using me, even if you did i wouldn't care. i don't want to watch you struggle when i know i can help." he takes your hand into his own. "don't do this to yourself, please. i love you too much to let this keep going." looks like you're quitting that job.
jeonghan - you and jeonghan are walking home from your date night. it's supposed to be romantic, you two walking hand in hand, but you're feeling the weight of the all nighters you've been pulling all week to finish your project, walking wobbily on the side walk.
"did you drink or something? you're walking a little funny babe." jeonghan teases before giving you a genuine look of concern. you try to laugh it off, "hah, maybe." but then your eyes start to droop ever so slowly. jeonghan notices, "have you been sleeping?" damn. did your concealer wear off or something? you're about to respond, but your legs give out and jeonghan catches you before everything goes dark.
you wake up on the couch, tucked in with a blanket with jeonghan caressing your forehead lovingly. "so i'm guessing the answer to my question is no," jeonghan murmurs, giggiling. "but seriously y/n- don't scare me like that," he adds. "i know i know, sorry-" you say, trying to sit up, but jeonghan interupts. "i don't think so, you need to rest baby," he gently pushes you back down before joining you on the couch. "we'll talk about this seriously later, let's just sleep for now." wrapping his arms around you, leaving you no choice but to comply.
joshua - joshua wants to trust you, knowing that you're fully capable of taking care of yourself, but he can't help but worry when he looks over at you. you've been sitting at your desk for hours now, trying to finish all your assignments before the end of the grading period.
he walks over, putting his hands on your shoulders and massaging them. "you've been working for a bit, love. how about a break?" he suggests. you turn around, giving him a small smile, "i really would shua, but i've got like 2 hours till this is due. just let me finish this and i'll take a break." he frowns, "you promise?" "i promise," he hums in response, giving you a quick peck on the cheek before retreating to whatever he was doing.
2 hours later, joshua is back at your desk, only to find you slumped over your papers. he sighs, shaking his head before taking a look at your laptop. "hm, looks like you made the deadline," he says softly, gently shaking you awake.
"you did it, love. i'm proud of you, but i don't want you doing this often- it makes me worried." he murmurs, "come on, you need to take your well deserved break in a more comfortable space," taking your hand and guiding you to your room.
jun - honestly he gets it, between his singing and acting career, he knows what it's like to always feel like you're on the clock. he still doesn't approve of this though.
you just got home from working over time, it's 11:35- you both should be asleep, but he's waiting for you on the couch. looking at you, his heart breaks, noticing the eyebags, the bad posture, the way you're barely holding onto your bag, all of it. he makes his way over to you.
"oh, y/n," you don't process what's happening, about 30 seconds from fall asleep as he holds you. taking your bag from your hand, he then ushers you toward the couch. he helps you take off your jacket and shoes.
"do you want something to eat? water?" he asks while laying you down. you shake your head, but he still hands you a waterbottle anyway. "i'm always scared when you're like this bǎo bèi," he comments softly. "please take care of yourself, but if you can't, i'll be here." he gives you a kiss before laying your head down, falling asleep almost immediately.
hoshi - hoshi is nothing short of assertive, literally showing up to your job. "soonyoung, what are you-" "do you know what time it is? i'm taking you home." he leaves no room for argument as he drags you out of your work place. you're going to need to explain this to your manager.
"i'm not letting you do this to yourself, y/n. it's late. why are you still trying to work at this hour?" he asks, frustrated. "soonyoung, you know why. i don't have a roommate anymore; i can't pay rent with one income." he sighs, "i know, but you just look so- i don't know- tired now. i can help y/n, just let me."
there's no talking your way out of this, you just let him drag you all the way back to your apartment while rambling about how bad working late could be for your health: what if someone kidnaps you on the way home? what if you faint while you're walking up the stairs because you're so tired? what if you're so sleepy you don't notice someone walking by and you run into them and fall into a storm drain?
wonwoo - he doesn't scold you, but he'll get all nerdy and tell you terrible facts about not taking care of yourself.
you're bent over your laptop, trying to finish a whole group project on your own since you got assigned terrible partners. he sits down besides you, whispering in your ear, "keep sitting like that, and you won't be able to walk properly at 40," you scoff, but adjust your posture anyway, you don't want to test this guy. smiling in victory, he kisses you before walking away, reminding you to take a break.
you don't listen to him though, getting carried away in your work. wonwoo comes back every so often to tell you that your brain will start eating itself because you haven't eaten, you'll get terrible wrinkles because you're dehydrated, all that stuff.
once you're finally done and in bed, he scolds you, of course. "i know you think i'm joking, but i'm not y/n. this isn't good for you, next time you do this, i'm forcing you to stop, okay?" he strokes your hair and gives you a kiss. "i love you a lot, so take good care of yourself, can't have you dying on me."
woozi - out of all the members, he's definitely the one who relates to you the most. he knows you'll drown out the sound of people telling you to take breaks, so he takes things into his own hands.
you're working at your desk when woozi turns your chair around and grabs your hand, dragging you to the couch. you try to argue, you really need to finish this so your group doesn't fall behind on the project, but he doesn't take no for an answer.
"shush y/n, just let me talk." he starts, "i know what it's like, i really do. you feel like everyone is depending on you, and maybe they are, but you don't have to do it all alone," when you try to dismiss him and get back to work, he's actually pinning you to the couch. in any other circumstance, you'd be turned the hell on... but he's serious about this. "listen, stop trying to shut me out y/n. i'm someone you can rely on, and i want you to. don't do this to yourself, i won't let you."
you nod in agreement. "good, now let's just stay here for a second," he lays on top of you, trapping you under him so there's nothing you can do but rest.
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