#I mean you'll find more visiting Columbia College but there's some you can just find on the LOC site

[yr-obedt-cicero]

The most torturous experience is knowing you have plenty of access to a good amount of the Hamilton's children correspondence through the Library of Congress, but their penmanship is such garbage and incomprehensible that I do not even want to try and transcribe half of it.

[lacharcutiere]

still [sawamura daichi]

1,6k words

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part eight of i’m gone i’m gone i’m gone miniseries. you can only put these things off for so long.

JST: japanese standard time (GMT +9). EST: eastern standard time (GMT -5). EDT: eastern daylight time (GMT -4).

tings // fluff, a little bit of angst, kinda suggestive at the end ?? // i swear this søng is abøut eating øut my best friend's pussy - cøzybøy // dm, ask or comment to be added to taglist ! minors dni.

☾𓆙𓂻

— JAPAN, SUMMER 2024.

the summer passes like this: you and daichi laughing too loudly in busy restaurants and train cars; having arms around each other in the back of taxis on the way home from clubs; making instant udon at three a.m.; walking up and down the neighborhood a hundred times; laying silently side by side and not needing to say anything. it's a routine, it's familiar—it's home.

a couple weeks before you're set to head back to new york, daichi asks you a question as you lay next to him on a blanket in your driveway, staring up at the stars.

"have you decided what your plans are after college?"

"i'm gonna come back here."

"i thought you wanted to go to grad school? you can do way better in the states, especially with a degree from columbia."

you roll onto your side so you can look at him better. "i know. but i've been away too long already. i miss you."

he gives you a little smile. "but i'm right here."

"right here is pretty fucking far from america."

"hm."

"hm."

that's the end of the conversation.

— 2 AUGUST 2024. 23:09 JST.

everything happens the exact same way it has for the past three years: he takes you to the airport. you try hard not to cry; you say your goodbyes. check-in, security, buy some candy to eat at the gate. board the plane. sixteen hours later, you're in america.

one thing was different, though.

when he said goodbye, his lips touched yours.

you don't stop thinking about it for weeks.

☾𓆙𓂻

— AUGUST TO NOVEMBER 2024.

slightly relieving is the fact that amid thesis writing and too many classes and working an internship under one of your professors (that one's nice, it even earns you enough to get a small apartment a few blocks from campus), there proves to be little time to be spent missing daichi.

you finesse your schedule to fit weekly facetimes on friday evenings (new york time) and shoot random texts back and forth about your day between classes and during meals, and without much space for anything else, it's enough. good things are worth waiting for, anyway.

— DECEMBER 2024.

but then winter sem break rolls around and there's no school so it's back to having too much lonely alone time with your thoughts. you write daichi a christmas card and drop it off at the post office. it's early this year, but oh, well.

☾𓆙𓂻

a week before christmas you receive a call from an unknown number. the phone speaker crackles when you accept the call.

“hello?”

“hey.” the voice on the other end is bright, smiley, accented. it’s tōru.

“tōru? what’s up?”

“i’m outside,” he says, “come down and meet me?”

you’re a little confused, but you decide to humor him. “uh, okay, give me a minute… do i need anything?”

“bring a coat, it’s cold out. i’ll be waiting down here.” the call ends.

a few minutes later you push through the doors of the building to be met with a brisk wind and tōru standing by a payphone, grinning.

“do you have your subway pass?”

you feel inside your pocket for it and nod.

“good,” he says. “come on, we’re in a hurry.”

“where are we going?”

“downtown.”

“ohhkay?”

he laughs. “‘s not anything you won’t like, promise.”

you follow him into the nearest subway entrance, lost in thought as you push through the barrier and step onto the train. it's only when he nudges you and says, "this is our stop," that you realize you've been looking at the ground the whole time.

tōru notices how absent you seem to be and asks, "are you okay?"

"i would be if i knew what was going on," you respond.

"yeah," he says, leading you up the stairs and into the terminal, "yeah, i think you will be."

you're in grand central. tōru asks if he can borrow your phone for a second. when he hands it back to you, he doesn't say anything, just takes you by the arm smiling widely and leads you into the fray of commuters that fill the station.

"tōru!" you groan, "can't you just tell me where we're going?"

"magnolia," he replies simply.

"we came all the way here just for coffee?"

"mhm."

"tōru!" he stops walking and turns back to you, trying and failing miserably to stop grinning for a second. "what the fuck?"

"come on," he says, "you'll like it."

"we've been here before! what's so special about—"

"you'll see."

☾𓆙𓂻

coffee in grand central is surprisingly good. it's also surprisingly expensive. ah, well, it's new york. new york has much more to offer than just overpriced cafés.

such as... this. such as a laughing man that leads a remarkably pissed-off looking girl by the arm, towards this stupidly good, stupidly overpriced café.

the pair are weaving through a stream of people, almost there, and then they're there, and the girl is looking much less agitated now. she looks somewhere between crying and wanting to run in the opposite direction. thank god, she chooses the former.

he loves you. so much.

☾𓆙𓂻

"daichi?" you mean it to be a scream but your voice cracks a little and it comes out airy.

he has the exact same look on his face that tōru's had this whole time. "hi."

"oh my god, what the fuck?"

"you said it was lonely, tōru told me maybe it would be nice for you to have a date for new year's, i had some extra money saved up. so i came."

"you— what?" you look back at tōru. "you planned this? just? last minute?"

"nah," daichi laughs, "no, i meant to come visit you for christmas a while ago. i already had tickets and everything, i was gonna tell you but then i got your card and figured it might be more fun if it were a surprise."

"oh my god." that's all you can think to say.

— CHRISTMAS 2024.

you can't even explain how good it feels to wake up and walk into the living room to find daichi asleep on your couch on christmas morning, how good it feels for it to not just be you. the whole time he's been here, though, you've forced yourself not to think about the fact that he's going back home in a week and a half, forced yourself not to do anything just yet. soon, though. just a few more months.

☾𓆙𓂻

when he wakes up, you're making coffee for the two of you.

"merry christmas," he says, wrapping one arm around your shoulders. he places a card on the counter in front of you. "open it."

its message is simple.

you do as it says.

"i, uh, haven't gotten you anything yet, but—"

"daichi," you laugh, "it's okay. and um, i may have also not been able to get you anything. also because i didn't know you'd be here."

"wait, wait, i'm not finished."

"okay?"

"what do you want to do after you're done this year of school?"

"i already told you," you say, "i'll move back home."

"no, what do you want to do? you want to go to grad school, right? continue studying here?"

"no, i just want to stop waiting." you sigh, a little frustrated. "i don't wanna have to keep putting this off, it's been—"

he cuts you off. "i'll be here."

"huh?"

"i'll be here. or wherever."

"i don't get it?"

you've always loved the way daichi's nose scrunches up when he smiles. "you're the one planning on studying more, not me. not immediately, anyway. i'll go with you."

"daichi."

"what?"

"you're fucking joking."

he laughs; you look so confused right now. "i'm not. promise."

"i don't even—"

"hey."

"hm?"

"think you can handle long-distance for five months?"

"uh—" you inhale sharply. "yeah."

"good," he says, "then we don't have to keep putting this off."

it's been five months since you last let your lips touch his. it still feels just like the first time it happened.

— 31 DECEMBER, 2023. 19:36 EST.

he tries not to let you pay for dinner, but in the end, you slip the waiter your card while daichi's in the bathroom. it's his birthday; it's your treat.

and after dinner, there's that new year's eve party that tōru's been going on about. it feels good, so good, not to be there alone. it feels good to watch the broadcast from downtown and count the seconds to midnight as daichi's arms are wrapped around you from behind. the clock reaches zero; daichi kisses you hard. you're both drunk on champagne.

you watch him smile across the room at tōru, who's got his girl on his arm. the two of them look happy, too. everything is warm.

— DEPARTURE: 3 JANUARY 2025. 08:15 EST.

daichi's asleep next to you when the alarm on his phone goes off. you'll miss not waking up next to him for the next five months, but at least that's all it will be.

he makes faces at you in the mirror as you both brush your teeth; keeps trying to tug your sweater off when you get dressed. you spend these thirty minutes laughing with him until it hurts. the two of you take the subway back to grand central; make out in a corner of the terminal while he waits for his train to jfk international to arrive.

"see you in may."

— 21 JANUARY 2025.

taglist: @sakruisin-thru @softetsurou @oligbia

[existentialstatesofmind]

Opening Up

Clare: had suspected she should avoid reading adult manga so she was glad she asked and Kota confirmed her suspicions. It would save her a lot of embarrassment. “Not for me.” She agreed. “I don’t know what all they show in porn either. I have seen True Blood...they show butts and breasts. Alli and I get the giggles even though we fast forward.” She said honestly. Clare worried about getting caught watching the vampire show too but she never watched it at home. “I have a lot to learn about cooking. Sushi sounds harder to make...and I don’t like fish. I’ll make it, just don’t expect me to eat it.” Clare looked at him. “I know there’s not actually an auction. That was the only similar thing we do here that I could think of.” She rolled her eyes playfully. “You better not fall for that trick. If whatever girl you get paired up with wants a real kiss make it as gross as possible. The boys need to skirt around the rules too. Unless they get a pairing they like. Seriously though if she’s nice and you don’t want to hurt her feelings, I’m fine with a quick peck.” She reassured him again. Clare wasn’t going to get bent out of shape over a game unless it got taken too far. The image of K.C and Jenna flirting with each other right in front of her was burned into her memory forever. “I need to participate too to capture the true spirit of the Host club for the Daily.” Clare teased, grinning at Kota. “You enjoy me putting my foot in my mouth.” She mock gasped. “That’s okay if they aren’t going for realism. Besides there are some things you can’t do anything about. I mean have you seen Alli’s long thick eyelashes?” Clare laughed. She was a little jealous of them. “Yeah, good point. The kids who actually attend the school will have to do the ‘heavy lifting’. My dad explained the currency to me. A dollar equals over 111 Japanese yen. Thank god for computers to tell me what change to give.” She smiled at Kota when he said he’d follow her. “If I got pregnant, I guess we’d find a way to make it work with college. Emi will be in elementary school so only the baby would need daycare. I’d get to have a journalism career. Hopefully there won’t be a baby until we decide we want one though.” She nodded. “You have a lot of options and so do I. I know I want to go to Columbia but there’s exchange student programs there too.” Clare could go back to Japan or spend a year in another country. “Of course I expect us to visit each other if we go to different colleges. Jimmy Fallon? Really? He wants you to come on the show?” Clare asked a small note of skepticism in her voice. “I took Emi being part of the package into consideration before I said yes to dating you. The only hesitation I’ve ever had was my parents. Nothing on my end. You’re both worth it.” Clare chuckled about Canada paying the bill. “Our baby would have dual citizenship. That’s pretty cool.” She kissed Kota, only stopping to say. “Yes, if we can talk about it we might be ready for more. If we can’t, we’re definitely not ready yet.” Clare kissed him again. “Noo. No I’m going! Alli will have to settle for a t-shirt. I wouldn’t miss the mystery concert for the world. Too many what ifs for the rest of my life especially if I like them. I’d die. Also no else at Degrassi has ever had backstage passes to anything, probably.” Clare shook her head. “Obviously I think he’s charming so I can understand people, even famous ones, liking him and inviting him to things. What is bizarre to me is how does Kota meet them in the first place? You know yourself, it’s hard to get those kind of opportunities.” Melanie was a famous singer now. However, it took time for her to be recognized. Before she went on The Voice she was just a normal teenager like them. “How are you able to talk to them in the first place? Long enough for them to realize you’re a designer?” Celebrities usually had body guards to keep fans away. “Sure, I’m ready for lunch. Um how does this work? Does Melanie usually put on a disguise and go wherever she wants or are there certain restaurants you can ask for a private room at? Or do you order take out?” She asked curiously looking back forth between Kota and Melanie.

Kota: listened to Clare and chuckled a bit when she mentioned True Bloods. "I've seen American Pie with Dom and my mom. She sat us both down while our brothers were at a sleep over and pressed play. Honestly, I still don't know how I felt watching that with my mom and twin. The whole movie was about sex, when someone says 'One time at band camp...' or anything referring to a time at band camp and you know they've never been they're referring to American Pie. In the movie the Naked Mile you seen the girls fully naked. I've also seen Skins UK which shows a few guys naked and just breasts and both guys and girl's buts. They also showed them having sex, not full blown, but the movements and sounds." he shrugged. "I've also seen some porn, seems overrated to me." he looked over at her when she mentioned her distaste for fish. "Not all sushi has fish, some have imitation crab. And I'm taking someone who doesn't like fish to Japan." he laughed a bit. "That limits the food you can eat. Japanese eat a lot of fish, I'm guessing you won't eat seaweed either?" He asked curiously. "You'll probably learn how to cook fish if you go to someone's house. It's a staple in Japan along with stuff I won't eat. We'll also probably have weekends without Emi, she's already making plans." he added and listened as she mentioned the event he may be partaking in. "I wouldn't kiss them. Some girls see kissing on the same level as sex. I don't want to give anyone that idea, besides I see kissing other girls that aren't you as cheating. I wouldn't do it unless I absolutely had to such as a play." he stated and laced their fingers together. "If you really want to be part of it, I can see if you can be a waitress. I mean it's for Kendo so the guys know English." he shrugged and laugh a bit. "I think it's cute." he smiled and rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. "I have seen her long eyelashes. If your dad explained the currency to you, you're not allowed to try to do the math when we go clothes shopping. Also you may not want to go grocery shopping with us. They sell turtles dead wrapped up and ready to be eaten also alive and they sell mystery meat, if you ask what it is they just tell you the animal, they get it cut it up, and mix it together organs and all." he added. "I hope we don't have one until we agree either." he nodded. "That's true and we have summer off regardless. Japan is only 14 hours ahead of us and yea he's asked a few times." he smiled. He was happy that Clare took her into the package before they started dating although he wasn't aware of how long she'd be in his life. "I'm happy your only hesitation was your parents, but I mean if they forbid us to date we can hide it from them." he shrugged. "I agree about our future baby having duel citizenship, it is pretty cool." he said against her lips and looked at her when she stopped. "I agree." he whispered against her lips. A soft chuckle fell from his lips when Clare mentioned a T-shirt for Alli. "I don't really know if that's possible. Normally we go get a bite to eat after or go have fun. I mean we can try to sneak while she's getting her disguise on..." he shrugged. Kota looked at Mel when Clare mentioned the people Kota met and the opportunities he's had. "It's different for designers especially for famous ones like Kota. Murder Bunny is bigger in America than it is here. America is more about Fashion, TV, and finally music. I'm slowly getting into fashion, my perfume came out as did my lipstick line. Kota came up with Murder Bunny and when it released in America with it's own cell phone cases and shirts, it took off. I met him when I went to a fashion show I knew he was going to be at, other's met him at a different fashion show. Jimmy Fallon wears Murder Bunny, a lot of famous people like the line as well. The media in America is wondering if Kota being a sixteen year-old can keep up with the fashion demand in all three countries and he seems to be doing a great job. He's pretty high up there in the fashion world." she explained to Clare. "He gets to meet the actors, singers, and models I don't. In order for me to meet some of the people Kota has I have to be as big as Fallout Boy and Taylor Swift." Mel explained and looked at Kota. "Also Adam is mad at you for rejecting his call. Apparently Behati wants to talk to you about swim suits and Behati said 'tell Kota to teach me how to put on the clothes properly.' It would be nice if you explained." she said. "I'll answer both of your questions and Clare, there's a reason I didn't tell you this yet. I met most of the celebrities at the Victoria's Secret Fashion show when I got a call saying that the Murder Bunny lingerie line was working. It's exclusive to Victoria's Secret shops so I agreed. I got a call from Jimmy Fallon asking to do an interview, but I had school. After that I got a few more calls to do interviews, but school had to come first then the show. The girls didn't really put their bras on right, the people Victoria hired to dress the models told me to just stick my hand in their bras to help. I told Cara how to fix it, in turn she took her bra off in front of me, handed it to me, then told me to put it on her. It was extremely awkward to say the least. I told her to put it on herself, put her hand in her bra, and that's when she put my hand in her bra and said to fix them. That's what Behati wants me to teach her. I will not be touching her breasts." he explained. "What's the proper way to put on a bra?" Melanie asked him. "Put your arms in the straps, bend forwards allowing them to fall perfectly in the cups as you fasten the back, stand up straight and that's it. Don't push up the bottom or pull it down, it won't give much comfort, also a wire bra isn't healthy for your circulation and doesn't support tissue growth, wireless is better for your health." he informed Mel. "I normally clip my bra around my stomach, turn the front towards me and then put the straps on." she said looking at him. "Your bra is on wrong. If you fix it like I told you, it'll feel better." he said and motioned to a room she can change in if she wanted to. "Talking to them long enough is easy. After the online store opened in America I opened an actual store with my grandpa's help. He cut the ribbon since I couldn't be there due to school, then I got a call to do a fashion show. Celebrities attended such as Rihanna and she approached me after the show asking me to make her a custom outfit. We sat down for a few hours and designed it together, then she told her friends and word got out to them. I even designed a giant MB bow with Sia which she wore and sent me a thank you picture." he said reaching for the picture of her smiling as her hair hid her eyes as usual, her hand pointing to the giant bow head band. "She sent a thank you letter with it." he said handing it to Clare. The letter reading 'Thank you so much for bow, it was worth the cost and chatting with you. Best wishes and stay in touch xox Sia.' "I have a few things like that from various people." he added and knocked on the door to the room Melanie was in. "Clare's ready to eat." he said loudly. "In America, I put on a disguise. Normally a big billed hat, dark glasses, and just dress like myself. I still get recognized once in a while, but normally they only want a picture or an autograph. Mel is putting on her disguise now." he said honestly as the door opened and Mel walked out wearing a wig with long black hair, a plain blue skirt with a Nirvana band tee on and black Chuck Taylors with her normal ruffle socks. "Don't you need your disguise?" she asked. "No, I'm not that famous here. We hold hockey higher than fashion, music is above fashion here." he said honestly as he held Clare's hand and lead them out. When they got to the car Kota opened the passenger door to his car for Clare and the back door for Mel, then shut them and got in on his side and started to drive. "Where are we eating?" he asked looking at the girls. "Clare?" Mel asked and Kota looked at her. "The mall or ---" he trailed off.