recoveryjournals-vaughn

[recoveryjournals-vaughn]

JUST FOR TODAY

(June 19,2022)

"A SENSE OF HUMOR"

The idea of having fun in recovery is really different. I enjoy things now even in its tiny detail. Often times, before, I consider myself a little bit of a loner. I don't have much of a time and company to laugh at things. But in recovery I am not alone anymore. I have support groups that I could listen to and laugh with their humors. I am still a baby in recovery. Learning more things is what I must do. And I could only do that by having a commitment and active particioation to the fellowship. Remembering one of the fellow shared about having two ears and one mouth is so meaningful to me. It simply mean that I must talk less and listen more. Today is Father's Day. And I'm happy indeed. My kids got their feet back on after having a Tonsilitis. They're my precious gems. I couldn't bear the pain of seeing my kids struggling with their health. it's so easy to say 'this too shall pass'. But, as a father, I would rather asked Him to cast away my kids sickness and passed it on to me. But He's works are always mysterious and I'm grateful for it everyday.

Vaughn,

[recoveryjournals-vaughn]

JUST FOR TODAY

(June 5, 2022)

"HONESTY PRAYER"

"Although honesty is difficult to practice, it is most rewarding. Just for today, I will be honest with God, myself, and others."

When I started this journey in recovery, I had so much doubts, hesitations and reservations. I even couldn't believe what I'm hearing the first time I attended a meeting. Everybody's introducing themselves tagging with their name the term addict. Little did I know, I'm addict as well. The acceptance starts when I heard a fellow shared something that became an answer to my wife's question, "why can't I stop using?". His answer to that question was that "it's all because I have the disease of addiction already". Therefore I'm an Addict.

Today, I'm grateful to have attended another homegroup meeting in Toronto, Canada via zoom. I'm thankful enough for what I've heard and learned from all who shared. They are the pictures of a true recovering fellows. They welcomed me and let me share as well.

Wherever I maybe or whatever situation I may at, I will see to it that I chose recovery. Just for today, I will sleep well with high hopes, in prayer, for tomorrow to be a good and rewarding day as well.

Vaughn,

[recoveryjournals-vaughn]

JUST FOR TODAY

(June 4, 2022)

"BUILD, DON'T DESTROY"

"Our negative sense of self has been replaced by a positive concern for others. Just for today, though I may be feeling low, I don't need to tear someone down to build myself up. Today, I will replace my negative sense of self with a positive concern for others. I will build, not destroy."

During my first week in recovery, I tend to overthink the defects of other people. The consistency of one action characterize by their defects triggers this kind of emotion. It's constantly bothering me until in desperation, I kind of hope for the destruction of that individual. But that was all wrong. For me, emancipating myself from mental turmoil is one key to start building self-esteem. I start changing my views and/or perspective in life as I grew in recovery, day by day. Those people I tend to hope for a bad riddance have changed into something real care and meaningful hopes. Changing it to through something good vibes and abilty of bestowing care and love for others is none but a way to begin realizing self-worth and self-love. "I can only keep what I have by giving it away".

I'm so blessed I have a father and mother who's ever been so supportive to me. Though they're not perfect parents. They're my family. And family has always place to my heart. They made my life dealings a bit easier to deal with.

Just for today, I will see to it that my mind is clear with no heavy heart in dealing with my realities. All the people around has something to contribute for my growth. It's up to me to pick up those pieces to my own understanding could help me improve a bit more each day. I will cintinue to build myself to help build others as well.

Vaughn,

[recoveryjournals-vaughn]

JUST FOR TODAY

(June 3, 2022)

"DIRECT AND INDIRECT AMENDS"

“We make our amends to the best of our ability. Just for today, I will make direct amends, wherever possible. I will also make indirect amends, 'mending my ways', changing my attitudes, and altering my behavior."

I have this anger management issues before that I always wanted to address and make necessary adjustments to. My family was affected by it especially my wife. I never wanted to hurt anyone but I end up doing so. I wanted to make amends to them all and I did. I hugged my mom, my kids and wife when they got me out of rehab. I payed respect with my father and kissed his cheek. I hugged my siblings and celebrate with them. I did it not all at once bu I did it.

It feels so great knowing my family has always been there for me. They've always been so good to me eversince. No words uttered. Just a hug and everythings went along just fine. Today, I am enjoying the company of my family and people who work for us in the farm. We're on a road trip to Cagayan de Oro to spend some time in the beach. This simple gesture my father arranged for our workers was greatly appreciated. I could never be so proud of him.

I pray to the God of my understanding the infinite gratitude I hope to feel until the end of my time. Bestowing to me the utmost non-conceivable sweet serenity for me to live in humility and harmony with humanity. What a beautiful day it is to speak the laguage of gratitude again where every grateful hearts understand.

Vaughn,

[recoveryjournals-vaughn]

JUST FOR TODAY

(June 2, 2022)

"SICK & TIRED"

"We wanted an easy way out...When we did seek help, we were only looking for the absence of pain. Just for today, no matter what prevents me from living a full, happy life, I know the program can help me change, a step at a time. I need not be afraid of the Twelve Steps."

What I'm sick and tired of is my old life. Clinging always into something unreal. Planning always for the future which is too good to be true. Depending always on to something that made me not me afterall. It's always helpful to pause for a while. Taking things a day at time. Many days I was a overthinker. I hated that moment. Looking on that days now made me laugh about it. It was just all my imaginations. No product, no results. It seems that I've wasted half of my life for nothing.

I'm glad today that I attend the meeting today. They remind me, from the sharing of others, that life is too precious to neglect it. Although I'd not came to point to end my life before. Needless to say, by my using, I'm slowly killing myself. I'm determined to pursue life now. I don't know what could be the end of it but I'm sure I will have what they're having, fruit of sobreity. I will not feel bored and if I did, I will just turn back time and reminisce the effects of my defects on my life. All will be well.

I will not be sick nor tired of recovery. For I know I am not alone in this journey. It will not help me if I'll be hasty in chasing my dreams and goals in life now. I will take each day with a thankful heart. thankful for each day I live and get the chance to spent it wisely. I know that the road I will be walking right now doesn't give me immunity from the realities of life. But facing it with serenity in my soul, courage in my heart and wisdom in my mind will eventually help me go through with it.

Vaughn,

[recoveryjournals-vaughn]

JUST FOR TODAY

(June 1, 2022)

"KEEP COMING BACK"

"We don't have to be clean when we get here but, after the first meeting, we suggest that newcomers keep coming back and come back clean. We don't have to wait for an overdose or jail sentence to get help from Narcotics Anonymous. Just for today, I will strive to listen with an open mind to what I hear shared."

Since day 1 of my recovery, I was amazed by this slogan --Keep coming back. Since then it became a motto to me on attending the meeting. Along the way I realized, from the reading and sharing, that recovery meeting is the only way for me to abstain from my active addiction. So why complicate things up, when I can have the choice to approach life simply. I'm finished with that kind of life --take substance to get high but got no where else to go after. My life was ruined; my relationships got jeopardized; it was all a mess.

It feels great to go and just listen, how much more when I could get a chance to talk and share my life in the meeting. What I feel is so overwhelming for me. It gives me a different kind of high. It gives me sweet serenity. Ofcourse, I'm always thankful for my Higher Power's blessing and guidance always. I know I'm in the right track now --coz I feel Him saying it to me. I have no other intentions of attending a meeting but to share when time requires me, listen and learn more from the sharing of my fellows. I put all my trust on Him ,my Higher Power, who will reveal to me the ways and means for me to sustain my recovery until in no desperation it will just become a part of my daily dose.

I'm always praying to my God that He will continue to burn the fire of my excitement and eagernes to attend the recovery meeting. May it be in person or in zoom meeting. I've always had that feeling since day 1. So, easy does it. I hope and pray to the God of my understanding that He will also continue to bless the fellowship who dearly follow His will and the spititual principles of the program He taught.

Vaughn,

[recoveryjournals-vaughn]

JUST FOR TODAY

(May 31, 2022)

"KEEP IT SIMPLE"

"We live a day at a time but also from moment to moment. When we stop living in the here and now, our problems become magnified unreasonably. Just for today, I will keep it simple by living in this moment only. Today, I will tackle only today's problems; I will leave tomorrow's problems to tomorrow."

Eversince, I have this one goal in life, I want to live, grow old a simple and happy life. Far from the turmoil of the world. My using complicate things for me. I became dependent on it and abused it to next level. I became anxious about many things. The reactions I would have on issues were somehow non-conclusive and unreasonable sometimes due to my obsessive compulsive behavior.

I'm so grateful for today. My Father visited me and my kids at home. He told me to fix the room in front of the house so I can start a eatery business and start earning already. He also offered me Php 20,000 cash. I thank him and told him to give the money to my wife. He said, by next week the place must be clean and ready so I can start the business. What a wonderful feeling that my own family is reaching out on me now. I'm thankful to the God of my understanding who put things in order for me. I can still remember one of the counselors I've had saying "I should not be worried of the outside world. My God will never forsaken me. He will put things in its place while I'm working and preparing myself for my real battle in recovery." Up until this very moment, my mind is set and equipped with those wisdom I've heard and learned from my Higher Powers. And I'm constantly learning by simply listening to my fellows on the experiences they'd shared in the recovery meeting.

keeping it simple has been paving my way so far. it's so effective. I will kept it in mind always and will approach recovery simple but meaningful. Whenever I have to face problems or triggers, I will deal with them moment for moment and a day at a time.

Vaughn,

[recoveryjournals-vaughn]

JUST FOR TODAY

(May 30, 2022)

"LONELINESS vs BEING ALONE"

"Sharing with others keeps us from feeling isolated and alone.

Just for today, I will take comfort in my conscious contact with a Higher Power. I am never alone."

Most of the time I resolved my loniless by using drugs. And I enjoy it all by myself. Being alone does not mean I'm lonely. It's the emptiness in my heart that always triggered me to look for ways and means to get and use drugs. Yes, I believe in God. I've know Him way bfeore. But as I progress in my using, I slowly distant myself from Him. I also distant myself from my immediate family. It's all because I don't want to hear them in what they'd say bout anything pertaining to how do I look and my state of mind etc.

I'm glad today that I get a chance to live another day. Another chance to make things right. I'm thankful of my wife for understanding me. She had no idea of how recovery works. Little by little, I fed her thoughts of the learnings in recovery. Just tonight, she asked me why I'm having a meeting? Do I know that girl or guy speaking in front? I said, No, I only knew one or two in the group but recovery meeting is the medicine of my disease. There's no over-the-counter drug for it. I also share the prayer for serenity to her. And she liked it. I'm glad that she's open to the idea of change. It's a good start for us. I really love attending the meeting. The sharing are food to my thoughts and the fellowship fills the emptiness of my heart. I'm thankful to my God that He brought me to a place where he can reach and teach me things I needed right now.

I will continue to live and grow in the fellowship. There's no greater joy knowing that I still have hope to do something good to life. Not to waste it but to share and enhance it through my Higher Powers. I believe that in the fellowship, I am spiritually connected to a Power greater than myself.

Vaughn,

[recoveryjournals-vaughn]

JUST FOR TODAY

(May 29, 2022)

"CARRY ME"

"We believe that our Higher Power will take care of us.

Just for today, will rely on God's care through the painful times, knowing that my Higher Power will always be there."

There was a point in my life that I became contented of what I become. I was lost. I thought I had it in me the courage to carry life out. To fulfill the things I've got in my mind eventhough I'm using drugs. But I was continouosly living in a lie. Before drugs, I was a man who has full of dreams and plans in life. Although I'm not really that good in acheiving it, I never quit. I had so many ups and downs before but overcame all of it, one day at time. Like when I was rejected or dumped by a girl; got failing grades in college; didn't passed the Board Exams and US Visa application the first time;

Those things became fuel for my burning desire to move on and learn to work hard to get it the next time around. This was before when I was still not on drugs. In 2015, I've tried Meth in unconventional way. I never expected that day to be different. I was drunk and not feeling well at that time. But just two hits and drugs changed everything. I got hooked up. And in every occassions, using it became a regular thing to me. I never sought help from anybody nor had it in mind to stop. Until I die, I said to myself before, this will always be my thing.

I felt sad of what i have become. I lost my job due to pandemic, got no savings in the bank and have no luck on landing a decent job; I always argue with my wife even in small things and for some dumb reasons; got stucked with the problems with my parents and siblings;

I mismanaged my life already and began to believe that there's no more hope in all of these. But when I encounter the 12 Steps Program, life became more meaningful to me. It gives me serenity. It taught me humility. It open new doors for me. It offers me freedom and new way to live. I could never be more grateful and thankful for that.

Just as much as I want to quit life before. Just as much as I'm eager to pursue life in recovery now or maybe much more. Yes, I am still having bad thoughts of my situations I'm at. I still have those resentments and shortcomings kept bothering my mind. Many, in fact, are still on my way that I need to deal with. But good thing is, recovery revealed so many options for me to choose from. Recovery is a process. Life is a process. I will not be hasty and take things lightly, one day at a time. And when the time comes that I will be shaken or trembled upon, I will fear no more. For "If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants".

Vaughn,

[recoveryjournals-vaughn]

JUST FOR TODAY

(May 28, 2022)

"AS WE UNDERSTAND"

"We examined our lives and discovered who we really are. To be truly humble is to accept and honestly try to be ourselves.

Just for today, by working the steps I can experience the freedom to be myself, the person my Higher Power intended me to be."

I have this tendency before, durring my drugging days, of being so stubborn. I had too much confidence on myself. And really believe that I could control my using. Too much sensivity even in small details of my encounters with other people resulting to my immediate unpleasant reactions. Little did I know, I slowly leading myself and those peole close to me into the realm of destruction.

I felt very anxious about how my wife's treating me. This has been going on eversince we started dating. I love her a lot, accepted our differences, hoped she'll change someday, and proudly married her. But today is no exception. She still kept doing it. And it's hurting me, naturally.

While I was in rehab, I began to develop the ability to express myself in a reframed and humble way. I told my wife of my uncomfortable feeIings to her insensibility with serenity in me.

I've known already that recovery is never easy. What the program has thought me (written also on the reading today) that says "Once we began our recovery, we entered a new and different life. Many of us had no idea what behavior was appropriate for us in any given situation." This is really true and it's currently happening to me. My wife had this attitude of making me feel so small and neglected. I don't know why and kept asking of her intentions or reasons why she's behaving as such. She couldn't explain it herself. Just maybe, she just couldn't admit it nor, simply, had no idea how her actions ended up hurting me. It's her resposibility to modify her own defects. And so am I, to me. It occurs to me now that  the new and different life alluded to is solely intending to me. I must understand that everything around me is still the same. It's me who need to adjust and practice humility in all ocassions. At time I will encounter this kind of situation that triggers my unpleasant feelings(mad, sad or afraid), I must bear in mind that I'm powerless and I need help.

I will continue to take personal inventories of myself. I must thorouhly assess and examine my thoughts before I act.

Just for today, I will seek my Higher Power's intervention or anyone who can relate and suggest what other options I have to overcome this difficulty I'm experiencing now.

Vaughn,