#I mean obv his plans have failed and kinda ..... come back to hit him in the face.

[sebille]

oh the things i would give for a Zenos POV endwalker story

[punkscowardschampions]

Zelda & Zach

ihatemyguts: Good thing you told me how bubble boy posi Robyn’s ‘rents are

ihatemyguts: ‘cos that felt like such a brush-off

ihatemyguts: I feel kinda bad, it’s low-key just upset her with no shopping trip pay-off 😬

inandout: your first date was today

inandout: the insane jealousy must have forced me to forget

ihatemyguts: Obviously

ihatemyguts: moping and staring out of open windows would be bad for your health

ihatemyguts: probably

ihatemyguts: can’t have that

inandout: mope hard enough and fling myself all over the house, they’ll call it exercise

ihatemyguts: I’d let Rob know but her parents would probably sue me

ihatemyguts: I did some research

ihatemyguts: and yeah, flare-ups fucking suck, but if she was struggling that bad rn she’d be in hospital getting her 💉 on

ihatemyguts: makes me ⁉️ if the meetup will happen

inandout: makes me wonder if her brothers are allowed out

inandout: if they are maybe they can help us smuggle her to the meetup

ihatemyguts: not just a pretty face

ihatemyguts: that’s a damn good idea

ihatemyguts: I can slide in their DMs

inandout: Cranking up the jealousy metre to give me a full work out, I see, are you gonna be a PE teacher when you grow up?

ihatemyguts: *prays they aren’t like 12*

ihatemyguts: imagine if that was my life’s ambition

ihatemyguts: wear unflattering sportswear and give kids complexes

ihatemyguts: even without the potential life-shortening illness, I’d reconsider that

inandout: it tracks that you’d wanna make them 💩 and bringing back the bleep test could work

ihatemyguts: okay I’m not 🦹‍♀️ or 🐯 levels of sweet but is that what you really think of me? 😏

inandout: I think there’s only one rebel teacher coming to mind and I haven’t watched that film so all I know is they stand on desks

inandout: probably not a perfect fit for you

ihatemyguts: I could force you to watch it for our first date

ihatemyguts: and ask you, what your dream job would be

inandout: Netflix and chill or cinema screening of the ‘classics’?

inandout: we could do a drive-thru

ihatemyguts: hmm 🤔

ihatemyguts: there are pluses to ‘em all

ihatemyguts: cinema, we could laugh at all the snobs and 🤓s

inandout: Cool, reach out to me with the time + date when it’s showing

inandout: Are you allowed 🍿?

ihatemyguts: oh hell no

ihatemyguts: have to find another way to hold my hand

inandout: 🦸‍♀️ said she was gonna look up ice breakers and stuff, hopefully it was a fruitful search and she won’t mind sharing the info

ihatemyguts: do you think she legit didn’t realize how thirsty that boy was for her

ihatemyguts: or is it all uwu coy-ness

inandout: It’s hard to tell

inandout: but if I remember my glasses I’ll do my best to decode her body language from 6 ft away

ihatemyguts: aside from hospital, have you ever met someone else with cf?

inandout: Nope

inandout: jokes aside, it really is discouraged

ihatemyguts: that’s a hard one to get your head around

ihatemyguts: far as adjustments go

inandout: getting Robbie at this meetup won’t be easy

inandout: separate ones mean we might not have her there

ihatemyguts: I reckon we can trust you and Kara to keep the teen love story fictional

ihatemyguts: for all our sake’s

inandout: She’ll get her man

inandout: it’s not like bad advice and dating pitfalls are just a click away

ihatemyguts: cosmos never steered ANYONE wrong

inandout: Yahoo answers neither

ihatemyguts: might be confused as to why they’re not related

inandout: [I like to think he’s just sending his fave yahoo answer answers now for the lols]

ihatemyguts: [meme back and forth lads]

ihatemyguts: if she gets her date we could go into the matchmaker business

ihatemyguts: start at home

ihatemyguts: 🤖 don’t last forever

inandout: Rob’ll need to be next or she won’t forgive us

inandout: and we’ll soon get tired/guilty of seeing the amount of 😿💔 spam the chat

ihatemyguts: we’ll have to liberate her first

ihatemyguts: in a literal way

ihatemyguts: not the pretentious, free your 🧠 type of vibe

inandout: Kidnap’s playing into her parents’ fears but we don’t have a better option

ihatemyguts: now it’s my turn for a potential 💡

ihatemyguts: what if that is exactly what she should do

inandout: jump scare them?

ihatemyguts: if she did some actual wild shit to show them they’re being suffocating, ‘scuse the mention, then they’ll have to compromise and let her do normal kid things and everyone will win

ihatemyguts: I realize getting her to wild out might be a problem

ihatemyguts: catfish it though?

inandout: 💡⭐️

inandout: getting her to agree to do it for real would take longer than we have but you’re right, faking it wouldn’t take any time at all

ihatemyguts: get Lauren to picture whatever the hell she’s up to

ihatemyguts: sorted

inandout: + there’s your next photo challenge ready to be accepted, dressing as if you were going on a date with 👵🌈��� instead

ihatemyguts: hold my neon

ihatemyguts: and think, do we clue Rob in on this plan now or do it on her behalf first, ‘cos we could hit up her house phone with some madness to get ‘em sus now and when she’s like wuuuuut it’ll sound even more

ihatemyguts: or is that a bit evil genius instead of 🦹‍♀️

inandout: Does she even have a house phone? We don’t

inandout: you’ll have to find another way to trick my parents into believing I’m a badass

ihatemyguts: I bet they do

ihatemyguts: can’t trust a mobile

ihatemyguts: and I bet they don’t have a microwave, they’re that sort

ihatemyguts: obvs I’ll just direct them to Lauren on your friends list with a 🤔

inandout: We should probably warn her, in case she takes it the wrong way

inandout: or decides to stand up to them for her YA movie moment

ihatemyguts: yeah, you’re right

ihatemyguts: if she doesn’t go for it, her brothers might be of use still

ihatemyguts: have to focus my evil energy elsewhere

ihatemyguts: such as…

ihatemyguts: 🥁

ihatemyguts: [one of the crazier lewks from babyteeth for the photo challenge]

inandout: 🤞🏻 one of them is old enough to drive the people carrier

inandout: Uhh… that was a suspiciously fast transformation

ihatemyguts: didn’t know you was challenging a pro?

ihatemyguts: and someone with a lot of time on her hands

inandout: I do now

inandout: and I’m guessing it’s not every day you get stood up based on what else I know about you

ihatemyguts: it’s a first

ihatemyguts: not that I constantly ask people out

ihatemyguts: but that is what I’ve put across so fair enough

ihatemyguts: what am I interrupting for you?

inandout: I’m waiting on friends

inandout: this could end in both of us being stood up

ihatemyguts: am I a drag you down with me type?

ihatemyguts: hmm

ihatemyguts: nah, I’ll cross my fingers that your friends aren’t flaky

inandout: Late, but I’d be too if it wasn’t my house

inandout: What are you gonna do now shopping’s off?

ihatemyguts: life is one big photo challenge, right

ihatemyguts: yours is ‘whatever will make your friends double-take when they open the door’

ihatemyguts: it’s a good question

ihatemyguts: we’re going to virtual shop tomorrow but she wasn’t up for it today

inandout: Wait for it and their faces

inandout: + you’re virtually invited to watch movies and play games, you won’t be the only one who isn’t here in person

ihatemyguts: 👍

ihatemyguts: cool

ihatemyguts: meeting new people is my new thing, as long as your mates are down/not the level of nerd that they might get a nosebleed if a girl is about

inandout: Some of them are girls if that helps

inandout: and my brother won’t be there to bring down the cool

ihatemyguts: low-key a shame

ihatemyguts: have to meet him before the first date though

inandout: I’ve got a father you can ask for permission if you’re feeling old-fashioned

ihatemyguts: full set

ihatemyguts: fun

ihatemyguts: mines in scotland so we’ll let you off that trek

inandout: But a road trip is a coming of age movie staple! 😫 Has Netflix aired any YA without one + are you willing to take that risk?

inandout: mine’s a workaholic but we’ve got years to catch him

ihatemyguts: forget the meds, see who gets fucked up first

ihatemyguts: it’d be a journey, for sure

ihatemyguts: do you know what he does? ‘cos so’s mine and I couldn’t tell you, tbh

inandout: Or mix them up and see what happens when you take the ones for my 💩

inandout: He’s a sales manager, he says, but why so vague?

ihatemyguts: sounds like something they’d do at cool parties

ihatemyguts: and that sounds suspish

ihatemyguts: they should have this 🤓 but with a moustache instead of the buckteeth

ihatemyguts: dads are elusive creatures… conspiracy time, what are they all up to

inandout: Not sure that’s the topic Rich has been watching vids on but I’ll ask

ihatemyguts: he can always tactfully ignore you if he’s 😳

ihatemyguts: like he does with 👵🌈✨ when she’s extra

ihatemyguts: more than usual

inandout: Be harder to do that in person

ihatemyguts: I think everyone will still get on

ihatemyguts: unless fibrofog shows, then that’ll be teen show worthy drama, of course

inandout: I think he’s genuinely blocked, he’d need a 2nd account to find out about it

ihatemyguts: hope he’s seen catfish too

inandout: He’d be a fan of the one where the man refused to believe it wasn’t Katy Perry

ihatemyguts: it does seem like the sort of thing she’d do

ihatemyguts: poor bastard

inandout: 😂

ihatemyguts: ultimate photo challenge, catfishing everyone and then going for the ruveal

ihatemyguts: might need more than just a wig 🤔😏

inandout: Dressing like her would make my friends do a double-take

inandout: [pics of some of her outrageous lewks with his head put on]

ihatemyguts: 😂😂😂

ihatemyguts: you suit the 🍦🧁🍭🍩✨

inandout: We’ve probably got a can of squirty cream lying around for hot chocolate

ihatemyguts: inhaler but make it ~sExxxIii~

inandout: [a lil video of his failed attempt to re-create that in her insta DMs or wherever because idk if they can send stuff like that here]

ihatemyguts: Katy dat you 😍😍

inandout: I’ve agreed to only string you along for 4 years not 6 and I don’t have any savings to spend 25% of on a 💍

inandout: looks like the comparison starts and stops with our black curls

ihatemyguts: not much of an orlando bloom clone myself so it’s alright

ihatemyguts: pirate is always an excellent disabled-friendly costume though so add that to the ideas board we should start

inandout: If we decide the next meetup is fancy dress, Lauren will never go back home

ihatemyguts: that’s the mood

inandout: [sends her whatever he did for the photo challenge and his friends reaction to it because why not say they’ve arrived and there’s a similar feral mood here]

[unproduciblesmackdown]

if you were around for the pre-end-of-mh days you might remember times i like to talk to myself extensively, pointlessly, and dumbassedly about my own thoughts, which go nowhere and solve nothing. literally ignore me, talking about bring me the spider cup, i wanna prank crimmins natcho. my proclivity towards trying to figure out mysteries is matched only by my total inability to do so.

firstly i was like ok, this doesn’t necessarily mean eno knows who this guy is, which i think is true but unlikely. he’s probably met him before and while i think it would be funny if this is all some roundabout unnecessary revenge scheme by someone who considers eno his rival, i’d think it was more likely eno was kind of in a position like wallace where maybe they just worked in the same place. (sidenote: he is so clearly evil how do people share an office with him. please fix this mess jerry)

becoz the thing is it was a bit strange eno said he couldnt take a client via a social workers request with the reasoning that he’d left that life behind him? because he is a therapist now after all. but it would make more sense if he used to maybe be associated with / work for a company like that. i dont even know anything about privatised versions of social work but maybe it could work like that. and maybe he worked with crimcrom because sure, maybe crimmins just murdered his way into head of a company or other unsavory methods, and/or maybe also he has actual experience in the field. because maybe he was working at the same place as eno?

because honestly if i was going to take a very vague guess of where the social work is involved here, its that if youre going to do terrible dangerous medical experiments on people, you take people who have connections without the wealth/time/stability to investigate or else just people who wont be missed at all. people whose debilitating struggles and unstable situations you actually have documentation of. and it does seem like everyone with someone missing was relying on kent and co. to find them, because they couldnt themselves, because their sibling/whomever had been targeted for that exact reason, that their family/friends wouldnt have the means to find them. probably this has been going on for a while and most people are just killed and those who arent are kinda just chucked out somewhere to be found by whoever

anyways, the thing with eno, the idea he was working with/for a company earlier is a bit confusing too because its confusing that kent and yumi were killed but eno wasnt? theres the chance that the attempt simply failed, but i had thought that maybe because eno wasnt the semi-public face of the effort like kent was or an official worker like yumi, maybe nobody who put the hit out knew he was even involved. but since im guessing we’re guessing crimmins was directly/indirectly involved in the Day Of Murder and he knows about eno, thats not true……but then its a bit fuzzier why eno wasnt killed if he wasnt just helping out as a friend but sort of associated with his work, like yumi was. maybe it was part of a longer con, like as might be made clearer soonish. because unfortunately i really doubt crim would show his hand like this if he wasnt secure in everything favoring his schemes currently

it also makes sense that eno had been in a position like yumi’s because im also assuming eno thinks its his own files that someone had got hold of. cuz if yumi and kent had the same papers, surely eno did too. and if he was just keeping them to himself it would be one thing but if he was using them with his work like yumi was, then maybe it happened like he said it did only with his file/company in place of yumi’s. which makes sense coz of why he is so uncomfortable and why he was so surprised about it. probably he didnt suppose it had happened until kip said it did, and he suspects it was on his end that it happened but doesnt want to say it because its unpleasant and because he doesnt want to say it to kip.

i was hoping that gayness would be the wrench in the gears aka kip wasnt supposed to learn of the link between kents files and wallaces, but maybe he actually absolutely was? it would make sense why crimmins was so keen to make sure wallace got kip to work with him. because unless it is remarkably nuanced i doubt part of his plan involves trying to get wallace to directly harm anyone, cuz obvs he wouldnt, he is just motivated to not get fired and hopefully do good work. but it seems like a safe guess that kip would see wallaces papers even though kip really should be getting paid for this, and maybe crimmins was assuming that kip had already seen kents file? because if he had worked with eno and gotten his files, he would basically know what must be in kents files. and it apparently wasnt a secret that the files had made it out of the fire with kip

but its a hell of a con because its like, it seemed like a bonus that kip realized the coincidence, because why would crimmins want kip to suspect that wallace is somehow connected with the scheme that kent was investigating / his family and yumi were killed for? but apparently he could guess that kip would meet with eno about it, because i guess he’s tracking one or both of them. speaking of, im hoping that kip hasnt just gotten jumped. im sure its a concern on the best of days that eno told him to be safe, but it seems ominous

just like it seemed ominous when kip told wallace he trusts eno more than anyone. wallace sure learned a lot in those couple of days, namely: he already knows where kip lives exactly and who with and that they are good friends (not sure how coincidental it is that they live in the exact same building, maybe its just convenient), who kip’s ex-boyfriend is and where he works and who he works with and that he and kip have Strong Feelings for each other, who kip’s therapist is and that he sees him once a week and is a old and close friend whom kip trusts above all others, and i’m sure wallace has been able to pick up that kip has a dead brother and theres a story behind it and its a touchy subject. i mean, that’s mostly completely irrelevant info to put into a report, but maybe not if it was relevant to mention that he was working with kip since after all his boss had told him to. but probably crimmins was guessing that if wallace was making headway at all, he had got hold of kip. and since apparently he has eyes on people, that helps too. fix it jerry

im not thinking that its ominous that kip trusts eno so much because he shouldnt or because eno has been lying all along or something—like, if eno suspects himself for being involved in something now, im supposing he hadnt thought so before or hadnt considered it mattered because everything about how everything happened was moot because nobody was going to be continuing the matter and everyone was leading totally different lives. and as for currently, its not like i think eno is like, having the past catch up with him aka he’s betrayed kip or anyones trust before. i mean maybe eno has some totally unrelated dark secret that can be held over him, but even then i doubt that it would be anything where he would be forced to do something to endanger kip to protect himself. rather, i’d guess he might be given more of a non-choice in which he has to do something that will endanger kip because the threat is of causing kip immediate harm. what seems worst is that crimmins is really showing his hand early here maybe, or anyways, he thinks that theres no possible way for eno to prevent whatever crim wants to have happen. which is like, bad

and if he knows how much kip trusts eno, which he probably does, thats bad too…

if wallaces only purpose though was to show kip the files he had, that also has to mean rousing kip’s suspicion…..also, if kip had known about kents files before he’d seen wallace’s, wouldnt he potentially be immediately suspicious enough of wallace to cut off ties with him? maybe that doesn’t matter idk. b/c tbh it seems like theres only so much you can do w/ wallace while preserving his “unwitting involvement in an evil scheme” status, you cant ask him to do anything non-job related. unless his reports are doubling as surveillance or something. but he wouldnt do anything he thought was harmful or over his bounds. even asking him to get kip involved was weird, but at least crim seemed to accurately count on wallace caring too much abt his job to object with stuff rather than simply doing what he had to to keep it

like, clearly something about kip is important to crim’s schemes but how could i guess what. because im guessing we dont have enough information yet, but even if you gave me the info we have now and told me to fill in the blanks however i wanted, i couldnt come up with anything. im really really dumb as hell and not creative enough to take the ventures required to come up with accurate theories. but ok, medical experiments, it could just be anti-monster, but it could also be pro-human which happens to be anti-monster aka more exploitative. cuz it doesnt seem like theyre “Kill All Monsters” as much as “its fine if monsters die but if theyre alive we’ll just dump them somewhere because we just literally assign them no value unless somehow they’re useful towards whatever’s going on here.”

coz kip has two powers: 1) he’s a beloved semipublic figure, and 2) ice and he’s cold

and he has one majorly exploitable weakness in that he’s very afraid for his surrogate family, generally more scared than the average person of being murdered horribly, and knows he has good reasons for that and also trauma

but it seems like if crim wanted to get hold of kip by threatening his loved ones, he could do that at any time? why would wallace need to be involved at all; he wouldnt. why does he need to tip kip off about his own schemes. why did he need to wait five years? why has there been this five year gap? simply development of the mystery scheme? or is it because kip has moved back to c and/or because kip is a semi-public figure again

coz reading between the lines but im supposing that kip had earnestly and strongly intended to follow in kent’s footsteps but was presumably discouraged from this when his family was murdered. but even tho he only told wallace about moving back to c because roy and molly missed it, in the intervention that gets sprung on him and other hints, it sounds like kip still considers himself dedicated to helping people like kent did, which is what his sjw blog is, but he’s majorly aware of the danger of that and unwilling to get anyone killed this time, which is a major limitation, seeing as that happened to him before and everyone is disappeared all the time w/o repercussion. except the repercussion of one tiny group of people who look into it and get murdered, except for eno

but also kip must not have been doing any Helping The Public stuff before he moved to C, because when he says he has to help wallace to justify having thrown so much away, and considering how he’d lost so much in the fire, presumably what he’s thrown away is his life with pascal. im guessing he couldnt have made roy and molly split from him even if he tried, but pascal apparently could be parted from. for like a week, but whatever. he’d been dating pascal before the fire, but if he hadnt been involved in any position of openly helping monsters before the fire and hadnt before moving back to C, that explains why he tried to convince pascal not to go with them.

anyways, uh, see ive lost track of what i was saying. that, while kip is so afraid for the safety of those too close to him, he can also be pressured into a riskier position. but thats by his friends and himself. but maybe if he’s going to be given false information he thinks is from eno, he could do other risky things too. cuz i doubt theres any real protection, as if kent and yumi and eno werent trying to be safe. im guessing kip’s just trying to keep his head down and his cards close to his chest. its frustrating because technically he was right to be immediately suspicious of wallace to the point of associating him with the death of his family and being afraid of helping wallace, but not because wallace’s personal intentions arent good. but still its going to be really awkward if kip gets an idea of what wallace is associated with. cuz its an extremely delicate process that would allow wallace to figure out what was going on and break the news to kip and have kip trust him, so delicate that i doubt it exists and anyways the odds are not in its favor. but its frustrating because i want people to not be friends and not feel betrayed by their bosses and each other and even better, to be friends working together to resolve murders and an evil scheme

anyways. what does crim need from kip. stuff he knows? i doubt he’s trying to corrupt kip’s blog, or otherwise exploit the fact that kip’s probably a trusted community figure. for starters, crim’s already been getting away completely with abduction, murder, arson, etc, for years. unless theres some new Phase of the plan that requires something new. but again, it seems like a big ol coincidence that kip and co moved to C five months before wallace was moved into their exact building with the goal of getting involved with kip, tho wallace obviously doesnt know about all that stuff yet. why does it matter that kips in C. did crim not know where he was prior? did he need kip to be involved in the public sphere so that he could catch hold of him by sending out a social worker too naive and earnest to focus on the suspicious evilness of his new boss? did he just not need kip yet???

it seems strange to consider that crim could like, blackmail or threaten either kip or eno longterm. like, is he about to make a move here. because yeah they both have reasons to be extremely protective of people, which can be leveraged. but like wallace, i dunno how far they could be pushed with doing anything obviously harmful, or doing anything for anyone so obviously evilly motivated. or how long such a chokehold could be maintained. eno being threatened with kip’s wellbeing and being pressured into manipulating kip in one way or another is one thing, and even then how could he be threatened more than once. how could he be expected not to do something to warn someone if the pressing is let up for even a moment? is the point to abduct eno maybe and make kip feel even more afraid, because that would probably admittedly be super effective, but i imagine kip would just withdraw completely from things like being involved with wallace, blogging, etc. but to try to coerce kip into doing something by threatening multiple people is trickier, and what could kip do?

the thing is that i could see kip as being targeted for the ice thing, because thats another coincidence, that he has a really strong ability that seems pretty unusual even for monsters. like, freezing freshly brewed hot tea in a few seconds is really something. and i’m supposing he survived the fire by freezing himself / ice protection, which is really really something. and maybe the fact that he’s also an sjw who’s always scared that someones going to get hurt or killed is just a way to get to him. coz maybe, even probably, kip wasnt supposed to survive the fire, but just be another casualty because crim and co do not give a shit about bothering to spare any monsters life. but the fact that he did, using ice, and that he had his brothers files, all probably wasnt a secret. i mean, the surviving and the files part definitely wasnt, but just knowing the place was on fire and he survived ok probs implies that he had the ability to protect himself somehow, and thats a really impressive ability

so like maybe whatever traits theyre looking for makes kip the ideal target. maybe for once they felt like they couldnt just steal him away normally, but idk why they wouldnt. for example if crim just wanted to kidnap kip, maybe he just has. but that seems like wallace wouldnt need to be involved and eno wouldnt need to be involved and why wait til he’s in C? he doesnt need flushing out to be stolen off the street; he travels to B at least once a week on a schedule and he walks to work.

again, probably theres necessary info we dont even have that will fill in a missing piece here, but even now im too stupid to expand on the stuff we know to imagine up something that would fill in that blank. im too horrible at reading/understanding peoples motivations to even fully Get basic interactions sometimes, and im too uncreative to even come up with stuff like say, guess what crim’s trying to develop over there. maybe theres something about moving from development to initiation that needs kip’s particular involvement (??how??). but why has there been five years of them having been left alone in D, maybe, although how do we even know that

idk all i know is im stupid and i dont like that everyone is going to be even more miserable and endangered and mysteries are a trial for me because i want to die and dont want to have to deal with dying on a cliffhanger, i’ll be an angry ghost. ive probably forgotten a tangent or two i wanted to touch on and that makes me an angry pre-ghost. w/e