#I mean literally mins before | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gxlden-angels · 2 years ago

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Sometimes working through religious trauma is a heartfelt hour talking about reclaiming your bodily autonomy after being sexualized and shamed from a young age with your religious trauma coach and other times it's this text message from your therapist then a caption suggestion to "show my tumblr friends":

#for context my therapist is jewish #and he likes to point how Jesus was too but JC's whole story is only really told from a christian perspective #basically saying I don't have to conform or suffer for someone else's narrative #and y'all already know 'gayboy' is my favorite thing to call Jesus 'gayboy' Christ #so naturally he combined the two #But I had a great conversation about childhood neglect with my religious trauma coach today #And how overcontrolled my body was as a whole #from my hair to my health #everything was a sign of my sin somehow #even when I first got acne I had an intense fear that people would think I was having sex or dirty somehow #because my family constantly pointed out my acne #and my church at the time's girls' group taught us girls that had oral sex had acne around their lips #My medical needs were neglected #my autism was ignored or punished #etc etc #and this conversation was right after the texts from my therapist #I mean literally mins before #my car broke down so uh that's fun #and I had to switch from an in person to virtual appointment with my therapist for tomorrow #and he was like 'uh no this actually a punishment from The Lord. jk lol yeah I'll send you the telehealth link now'#and I was like 'I called Jesus 'gayboy' too many times and now I'm in Hell (my schools' shuttle system 🤢)'#[he graduated from the school i'm currently in undergrad for so hes seen the decline in our shuttle system's quality.#Ive been left for using a walker and told 'glad Im not as bad as you yet' when in a wheelchair]#and that lead to this message as well as the caption he wanted in quotes under it and ^ for tumblr #he calls yall 'my little tumblr friends'#hes so Offline I love this man #I told him tumblr will love it so yall better not make me a liar /j #this was so much information I hope y'all enjoy my lil journal entry for the day <333 #ex christian #religious trauma

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sergle · 9 months ago

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AROUND (time): 30 minute window before and 30 after. BEFORE (time): the specified time is the absolute cutoff, bordering on late, so arrive somewhere in the hour before. AT (time): be punctual and be there or be square at the time. BY (time): something STARTS at the time specified and arriving at the exact time does not count as late. This is my take. I am not taking criticism at this time.

no dude bc I think you lowkey nailed it

#EDIT: JUST BC I ANSWERED THIS ONE DOESN'T MEAN I WANT A FLOOD OF ASKS ABT THIS i just think this queen was onto something #since it can't be improved on i don't need other definitions of on time for various phrasings of timed plans #At and By sound kind of the same but i think i'm seeing the divide. kind of. maybe #like By would be good to arrive early but At has absolutely no benefit to showing up w 30min to spare bc you'll just be waiting #I think is what the vibe is #but your Around is just as forgiving as my Around and i'm glad for that bc what the hell is this 10 min before 10 min after bullshit!!#do you have any idea how short 10 mins is!!#it could take 10 minutes to literally find my good bra...#sergle answers

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heartorbit · 5 months ago

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WAOT WERE U THE ONE TSUKASA COSPLAYER AT MIKUEXPO GIVING OUT MIKU STICKERS TO THE PJSK FANS

THATS ME!!!!! i didn't mean to just give them to pjsk fans help but i severely underestimated how many i should've made and cut out .. so i just ended up giving them to cosplayers or people who said hi to me .... T_T

THERE'S ALSO THIS SUPER CUTE BRACELET SOMEBODY RAN UP TO ME AND GAVE ME AND I TREASURE IT SO I NEED TO ADD IT TO THE POST AND SHOW IT OFF .. WAH!!!! ITS SO CUTE LOOK!!!!!!

#again WAS NOT MY BIRTHDAY. MIKUEXPO TORONTO FELL ON TSUKASAS BIRTHDAY IN JAPAN TIME. SORRY TO EVERYONE WHO SAID HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.#i love your icon cause i saw a garf miku cosplayer at mikuexpo toronto too IT WAS SO AWESOME #i saw snother tsukasa cosplayer in hid school outfit and they had cute star glasses i Need some.#in the future n for cons i think i'll just order stickers to hand out .. cutting them out by hand was so much .....#especially when i did the whole pjsk cast. 10 or so of each of them. my best friend helped and it still took like 2 hours #<- I DID THAT FOR ANIME NORTH I MEAN i think i forgot to post about it here. anyways #i dont plan on tabling at cons or snything cause i just like attending them so much. but #In the future i think i'll just pay to get Nice little prints or stickers made and shipped to me to hand out ...#Sorry they arent actual stickers they're just laminated with tape i did them the night before while crunching for the con the week after.#alliellama #ask #sorry to go on but mikuexpo really was such a good time #when we first got there i was in the merch line w my friends and skmeone came up and said can you do the tsukasa laugh right here right now #but everything we said echo and i was like T_T no im shy ...#and then 2 hours later i heard there was a saki cosplayer there and started running around the venue shouting SAKI. SAKIII. SAKI.#WE FOUND HER IT TOOK ME LIKE 20 MINS which is impressive because there were a lot of people. by god.#it was so fun. we had such a good time i could go on. everyone was so FREAKING NICE. AND GAVE SO MANY FREEBIES. AND COMPLIMENTS.#but i literally only had like ..30 mikus. to hand out. i felt SO BAD. CONSERVING THEM.

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primus-why · 11 days ago

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I Feel TFOne Could've Handled This Better...

Hot take but I feel like folks have been really generous with the take that OP was unable to find ~the perfect words~ in the heat of the moment (and thus should be given some grace) when he told D to stand down and "not be like Sentinel"... namely cuz I don't feel that the narrative supports this?

Like-- after all is said and done, OP doesn't reflect on that part of their split. He doesn't have a moment where he seeks validation or voices his regrets over the choice of his words, it's actually cut-and-dry. The narrative (as it stands) supports that OP saw D-16 acting up, so he called him out and stood on business, down to the last scenes where he's basically like "yeah it's a shame but y'all knew I had to do it to 'em."

It didn't have to be much! I'm not saying to absolve Megs, just show OP looking at things from a different perspective/contemplating a bit on that tough choice and the morality of the moment. Some examples of what I wish we had:

B-127 straight up blurting the obvious by later chatting with Orion like, "Wait so you told your best friend that he was acting just as bad as the guy who enslaved us for our entire lives and was torturing him like an hour ago? Oof. Seems kinda harsh." Then have some of OP's regret show on his face.

OP asking Elita-1 after Megs is banished if he did the right thing. Have Elita back his choice up, saying, "You should have seen what he did after you were... gone. It was terrifying. I know it was tough, but you made the right call." OP is grateful for the support, but a conflicted look still flashes across his face before he steels himself to look out towards the horizon... and the future.

Have OP walk past other mechs/former miners who didn't go with the High Guard saying stuff like, "Wish I could've given Sentinel a piece of my mind!" "Yeah, but I'm glad he's gone for good." "Ugh I miss everything." "Oh, it was crazy! Megatron picked him up and then he rrrrriiipped-- oops, hey there, Mr. Optimus... Prime... sir?" And have OP wave hello, looking a bit sick when they leave.

Post-credits scene with Starscream going on and on, asking Megs when they'll be back to teach the upstart Prime a lesson. Megs grabs his face to shut him up. "Patience, Starscream. The Prime thinks I'm no better than Sentinel... but I'll show him. He wants Iacon? He can have it. In the meantime we'll take the rest of the planet! Then I'll come back, crush Prime under my heel, and we'll take Iacon too. Sentinel's reign will barely be a footnote, because I'm about to become Optimus Prime's worst nightmare." The vocal performance would really need to sell this-- like picture Megs saying something like that from a place of anger and hurt, not so much a place of genuine evil or malice.

Basically instead of Orion's assertion being backed up as black and white/good vs bad, I wish we had some different opinions/reactions from the characters sprinkled in there. Like you can't tell me out of allllll the miners who weren't strong enough/willing to go with the High Guard and ended up sticking around that NONE of them were like "eyyo honestly?? Kiiiiinda glad Sentinel is dead. Wish I could have helped, tbh." like come onnnnn...

And you can't even argue that he's not an active threat-- I don't think everyone would see things that way! It's not just about the threat he physically has, but the threat he represents and is very likely to act upon if given the opportunity! He has a proven track record of not only being sneaky and conniving, but also capable of dealing some serious damage/killing people bigger and stronger than him, plus he has the backing of the Quints. All he'd need to do is wriggle his way out of jail and run off to his sponsors, then he'd probably be back to hurt more people! (If the Quints didn't just kill him out of incompetence lmao). There's a lot of "ifs" here, but I think it's a valid argument that not everyone would agree on what is the right or wrong way to handle Sentinel once he was down long enough to, like, do something about him.

I feel the situation needed a bit of nuance. In some way I wish they had kicked the can and had D and Orion bicker while Sentinel escaped, then have D get frustrated enough by the loss of Sentinel to point fingers (and his fusion canon) at Orion, who then falls and becomes OP. (Megs could still show some of thar emotion/remorse right after he does it too.) Not only would this open the door for a sequel, but tbh the Quint might have just killed Sentinel anyways and sought to deal with the miners uprising themselves lol. (Maybe that could have been an after credits scenes too instead of the B-127 bit??)

Would love to see a moment in a sequel where they have a calmer moment after arguing for a bit. Have OP mention how Megs was out of line, that it hurt and even scared him to see him act that way, and Megs can quietly point out "you said I was as bad as Sentinel... is that really how you see me? After everything we went through?"

Then OP can fumble the bag again lmao like "D, I... I'm sorry, that didn't come out right... but you still took things way too far..."

"Why am I not surprised-- your opinion is what matters the most! Maybe that's why you became a Prime, since you're so good at acting like the world revolves around you--!"

*gets interrupted by someone else before another yelling match ensues*

#rambling #transformers one #tf one #tfo #i'll be honest a lot of this stems from how rushed i felt the last like... 3rd of the movie feels #i feel Optimus is so dismissive of Megs!! like basically the whole movie but ESPECIALLY after coming back to life as a Prime???#your best friend is Going Through It. clearing having an Emotional Breakdown.#He drops you. In the moment it mattered most he chose violence... but notice what he says right before that?#Megs says ''I'm done saving you''#Like??? y'all don't wanna delve into that a little more?????#i half expected Optimus to pop up and be like ''excuse me. i wasn't done talking. what Did You Mean By That??''#instead he comes up and IMMEDIATELY has already written off this entire relationship as well.#Megs dropped him. it was a aplit second decision. we see in the movie D leaning into these bad impulses.#Orion is supposed to mature gradually so he's more level-headed by the end. why does that equate to abandoning the friendship??#why does he suddenly wanna drop Megs too? wouldn't this be the time for ''please listen to me'' part 2?#''it doesn't matter who has the matrix. we can make a change for the better! please listen to me'' etc #also minor nitpick but lmao why was OP Talking Like That after becoming Prime?#like he goes from ''haha hey guys hows it goin'' to ''You have used your gifts for Evil and Betrayed the entire planet''#babes what. Cybertron?? we went on a 2 day road trip on foot the fuck you know about Cybertron.#like betrayed Iacon maybe but idk maybe the guys in Tarn would be cool with Megs you dont know! lmao!#if my friend and I had beef and they started talking to me like the queen of england i would literally ask where they got their soapbox.#ohhhh you think you're morally superior? stop speaking for the whole planet lmao!! already named prime and letting it go to his head!!#strange dieties lying in the core of the planet distributing magic baubles that bring you back to life #is no basis for picking a planetary leader #this has been Orion Was Right: The Movie #when i wish there was a bit more.#maybe another 20-30 min would have helped me idk hhhhh #but Megs turn felt sooooo fast... then things just kept escalating from there.#''some transformations are permanent'' sir it's been like 48 hours since y'all learned you lives were a lie.#you *really* don't think Megs could ever cool down and apologize/change his mind?? you too??? tf???

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m0thlegs · 2 days ago

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maybe the real Viktor arcane season 2 character arc were the friends we made along the way

#I’m sorry but they relied way too heavily on off screen implications of things happening and telling instead of showing for his arc #we literally barely saw anything of what he had to go through to get to any of the places where he was in the season #idk maybe I need to rewatch to understand better but due to the rushed pacing and severe lack of screen time I feel he didn’t get enough #nuance and substantial characterisation that he truly deserved this season #like dude barely got to machine his herald before the writers decided it was time to wrap up and have a 2 min redemption arc😭#let that man be full of RAGE let him be FERAL let him have an UGLY GROTESQUE MAN MADE MACHINE TRANSFORMATION #GOD FORBID A MAN COMPREHENDS THE HORRORS HE’S WITNESSED!!#I love season 1 but season 2 #Rn it’s a 6.5/10 for me while s1 was a 9 or 10/10 #maybe I need to rewatch to see if any of the other characters got it better than he did I mean I LOVED ekko jayce and jinx this season #but Viktor Mel and sky #they got fumbled so hard they deserved so much better imo sorry #yapping #arcane #arcane spoilers #arcane critical #Might delete later idk this rant feels deeply unserious and I’m also sleep deprived so maybe my takes aren’t the best #Living up to my name as the world’s first elderly teenage girl bc I need a grandpa level nap GOD #my post

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fyodior · 2 months ago

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guys my flights got fucked up and now i have a fucking 45 minute layover in one of the biggest airports in the country im SCREWWWEEEDDDDDDDD

#and its for my international flight which majorly raises the stakes💀#that means i have 15 minutes before they start boarding #if my flight there is delayed even 5-10 mins im literally so fucked😭😭😭😭😭#if you ever needed a reason to think im not cool now you have a visual of me in nasty airport clothes literally running through the termina #out of breath and sweaty and freaking out

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aeolianblues · 2 months ago

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And that’s why we love them!

#fontaines d.c.#literally had Irish bands as allies more than anybody else. Nobody and I mean absolutely nobody is allying like the Irish #I was to interview Enola Gay last year (before the Gaza conflict erupted) and we got chatting before the interview #30 mins just nonstop chatter chatter because? 🇮🇪 🤝🇮🇳 ‘colonisation SUCKS and we’ve got to have each other’s backs against #imperial Britain and America’. So simple to understand!#And they continued to be allies. While it’s STILL not fashionable to be a Palestinian ally in public—#I look outside my window across the street and the house opposite me has a huge Israeli flag displayed on their wall 🖕Be decent!!#My housemate is probs a Zionist ugh. For the sake of home harmony I’ve avoided largely mentioning it yet. At the end.#While we STILL haven’t been able to make the most basic amount of anti-genocide empathy quite fashionable yet #Ireland continues to be firm allies. They were amongst the few speaking up in 2015 too.#Everyone else can fucking learn! And the tide is slowly and surely turning.

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frecklystars · 4 months ago

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hey girl...........................

#i mean th-- ...wait...#love notes #himym #love notes: barney ♡#💕 Our love is LEGEND ━ wait for it! ━ DARY! ✨ LEGENDARY! ✨#god let me be In Love for a second.#it is 4:24am and ill probably queue this for uh. whenever #and i am in Love albeit briefly so i am documenting my In Love Feelings so i remember i felt somewhat OK for 5 mins #he is literally just some guy. Just Some Guy!!!!! and he's an asshole!!! yet i LOVE him #i think i feel such a sentimental attachment to him bc ive loved him since i was a teenager #and i remember watching the finale when it aired in march 2014 #so. wow yeah its been TEN years at least since i've been self shipping with barney. wow #maybe it's been 11 or 12 yrs bc i do remember i started watching himym before the show started s9 #so... however long its been at least 10 years. and that is a long ass time #im so tempted to just shove this into my drafts but then ill forget abt it and itll get buried. so here! take this!

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vault81 · 6 months ago

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loving all the people being confused as to why Varric has like darker hair now instead of being ginger, not knowing thats what can happen to redheads when they age lol

tumblr users discover aging: more at 11!

#it literally took me 3 seconds to look that up guys cmon #this is literally what I mean by taking 5 mins to think about something before we post like 90% of your questions about this game #will be answered by that #worth saying its not ALL redheads #just some #iirc the game is set around like what 9:50ish dragon?#the mans in his 50s now! ofc he isn't going to look the same as DA2 or Inquisition #and like the dwarven lifespan isn't confirmed but if its anything like the other races its like what? 70-80 years?

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centaur-dreaming · 1 year ago

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This just in: Woman is woken from peaceful sleep by realisation that Stede Bonnet aka Rhys Darby is the voice of Coran from VLD and has only just put two and two together upon hearing his voice in a fucking tv commercial

#dude you can’t make this shit up #I’ve literally just woken up and realised where I’ve heard Rhys’ voice before #I’ve never watched ofmd n I’ve been really wanting to #but I’d never heard his voice—only seen his name #until he recently did a commercial for British television n I recognised him as Rhys and recognised his voice but couldn’t think where from #then it hit me a few mins ago n I was like ‘Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wai-’#and lo and behold #Rhys Fucking Darby is the voice of Coran Coran the Gorgeous Man #and Hypno-Potamus for all you rottmnt fans #bruh this is groundbreaking information for me #fuck #anyway #rhys darby #ofmd #our flag means death #stede bonnet #taika waititi #vld #Voltron #voltron legendary defender #Coran #vld Coran #coran coran the gorgeous man #rottmnt #hypno potamus

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somecunttookmyurl · 1 year ago

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my body alert me to having an entirely full bladder with more than 30s warning challenge (impossible)

#it! is! so! annoying! just! be! normal! *screams*#genuinely i did piss myself as a kid a LOT until i was like. 10. no lie.#bc i would not know - at all! no inclination whatsoever! if i went anyway nothing would come out! - i needed to pee #until we hit 'you are going to piss yourself immediately'#just 0 to 100 in 0.35 seconds #and i did not have the control or muscle strength or whatever to not just. piss myself if i wasnt in immediate reach of a bathroom #i went though two. years. of 'bladder retraining' therapy #which is MEANT to retune you into signals or whatever so you know you need to pee with a fucking resonable amount of warning #spoiler: it did not do this #it did not improve the signalling at all whatsoever #what it DID do was develop the necessary strength and control to become doubled over with sudden OH GOD RIGHT NOW pee pain #BUT be able to hold it off for 5-10 min if necessary #which to the adults around me was a success bc it looked like i knew how to pee properly now #i don't. i just know how to NOT pee MYSELF and make it embarrassing. difference.#look man i'm 33 presumably there will literally never be a point in my life where i will know 'oh i kinda need to pee' an hour before #i will always be playing Highway To The Danger Zone every day forever #i just live like this #CHRIST it's so FUCKING annoying though #i mean this applies to all functions i have no internal signalling for anything until it is Super Right Now Urgent #my body notify me of anything at all ever challenge (impossible)#god if this aint the most annoying one though

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faaun · 9 months ago

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she's so arrogant and annoying and hot it pisses me off !!!

#like have some shame omg . have some respect #shes soooo certain i will date her she keeps saying shes not worried she doesnt care etc etc bc she knows i want to date her #not even that. she Declared we were dating. like when i was like do u even want this. not just going on dates but acc dating. and she was #like wdym? im already dating you . like ok??? i wasnt informed ig #anyway i said she was arrogant and she said she knows so.#also she did several things when she was drunk that i found cringe/i personally would b embarrassed if i was her but she just found it funn #like genuinely does she have no sense of shame #also her reasoning is that shes too hot to be rejected and since im talking to her instead of... not that makes her certain that #no matter what i say i wont reject her #WHICH MAKES ME WANT TO REJECT HER. DONT TELL ME WHAT I WANT OR WHAT TO DO. UGH.#I WANT TO FIGHT HER FR MEIN GOTT #also i want her to be more romantic i literally told her im not asking her out on the next date lmao #also if we do end up dating properly i have to swear and oath never to argue w her and just communicate slowly and clearly bc imagine #lawyer and philosophy student get into an argument and theyre both scorpios. insane combination imo #INSUFFERABLE. she was also 40 mins late and tbf she did warn me and keep me updated but i was still rly mad at her bc #i was waiting for so long . and i was like . listen im gonna leave. and she walked thru the door. but anyway she apologised but also she #said no ones ever threatened to leave her b4. what do you mean before?? anyway i told her to respect my time more and she was like i cant #believe im being told off by a 21 yr old like bitch ur literally 24 stop acting ancient fuck off #UGH SHES SO IRRITATING. WHY DOESNT SHE CALL ME MORE.#crushposting

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soobvape · 3 days ago

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heol

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bibleofficial · 1 month ago

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ok so man that i hooked up w like 2 weeks ago that i wanted to see for like dates: cancelled. i’m bored of him 😭😭😭

#stream #ALKSALKSALKSLAKSLAKSLA #like ok #he needs to let me know like EARLIER than 30 MINUTES BEFORE to see me #& u need to not have like #an hour SHARP to leave like i need more than an hour IF IM HOSTING !!!!! like i want ATTENTION after #+ i would’ve cleaned everything like an insane person #‘like an insane person’ u mean ‘bc ur an insane person’#anyway #i haven’t showered in days bc i’ve been compulsively cleaning until im so exhausted that i just pass out #like literally everyday #but i mean there’s no reason for me to leave the house bc u gotta clean & then i can’t have anyone HERE bc i got SHIT TO CLEAN so they don’t #DIE FROM ILLNESS & DISGUST & MY DIRT (a quarter of a piece of a small leaf that was tracked in at the door)#ALSKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSL but ok what’s so fucking funny is that IF SOMEONE ELSE says like ‘i’m coming over at 5’ & it’s like ‘10a’ i will #LITERALLY get everything done so fucking quick like i will be SONIC & then im right there ready to go like :D #ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLA but if ive to do it for ME irs like wow this is agony im going to die i should kill myself bc ur such a wreck stupid #anyway maybe i should talk to the therapist abt this bc it does Not Seem to Be Healthy #so he will be like ‘we’re going for about 2 tomorrow :)’ at like 1p that day & i agree then he doesn’t message me until like 1 saying ‘i’ll #be free in an hour x’ like #like i sent questions to him like ‘so what do u think abt xyz’ would u do xyz like gaming or whatever u know then he answers them the whole #next day idk it’s like ur literally expecting me to drop everything to suck ur dick for 30 mins & that’s just #it ain’t it #like ALSKALSKLAKSALSLAKSLAKAS at this point i’m just going to block him next time he does that 😭😭😭#probably never going to see him again i’ve never seen him since the first time #literally i was like ‘hey i’ll be free …’ for like 1.5week & then just gave up on that bc he never was or wouldn’t respond until late like #girl …. this is BORING ur DULL u don’t even DO ANYTHING as far as i KNOW 😭😭😭😭 he’s always like ‘at work :)’ ‘watching tv :)’ ‘cooking :)’#that’s it #like …. ok

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kalashtars · 1 month ago

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i love accessibility yay yippee but also man i wish there were better options for doing therapy in person instead of through telehealth where i am. doing zoom calls exacerbates my anxiety so much :(

#damien.txt #which I GUESS is maybe some of the point....... exposure therapy or something #but like literally doing in person therapy only has me anxious for like ~5 minutes before #& honestly i feel like i communicate better like that.#vs on telehealth i have like 30 mins left until my appointment and i have been already staring anxiously at a wall for the past 30 #and i feel like i feel soooo much more hesitant to talk on telehealth tbh like. idk. something abt having to just say things to my room #but like.... lgbt positive therapist > in person therapist. and where i am. that means. telehealth.#SIGHHHHHH im going to go scream a little

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skrunksthatwunk · 4 months ago

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household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight

#out of three. please the third episode's what makes it okay im fighting for my life out here #it is NOT for lack of trying on my part but theres only a brief window of time when the olympics is not happening #and as it turns out the watchthrough is Not my mom's first priority (how dare she etc)#i do feel slightly bitter that we've gotten through two eps of band o brothers in the same time #we are fighting for the same timeslots yet somehow the hour long show's gotten a leg up??#you don't have time for a 23 min ep but DO for a 60 min one?? explain the math to me please #idk how to explain the vague feeling of betrayal bc it Does Not make sense Nor matter in the slightest #but cmonnnn we were doing so well. and my little bro's starting up school again soon and my dad's gotta go back to work #sometimes eventually (<- hes on medical leave) and my grandparents are coming over next week We're Losing Time Soon #ughhh if i'd known the olympics were happening (<- somehow completely oblivious to this) i'd have accounted for #my mom getting whisked away by the land of synchronized divers and shot putters and whatever the hell #happens in the summer olympics (<- only pays attention to winter olys)#bc that always happens. and *i* have to go back to school in Some Amount Of Time Im Too Scared To Check (p sure it's late aug though) and #when that happens i'll (hopefully) be stuck across town which means we won't be able to do it any time besides the weekends #and i don't wannaaaaa #i know this is the least important problem anyone's ever had like i get that i know but #it's important to me that they sit down and watch this with me. and watching it pull apart and being #the one who's easily the most invested it makes me look all desperate when i ask them for their time and they can't give it #we can only pull this off neatly in the summer and we were so close and now we're losing it right at the finish line #i don't want life to get in the way of this little bubble i've fought so hard to make y'know #and it's childish and embarrassing and whatever but i just want them to have fun with me with this thing i care about a lot #but i can't do that bc my mom needs to watch the judo matches at Every weight class #even though she's recording a lot of them? i don't understand but whatever i know it's her thing im just moping about it ig #i want it to be as perfect an experience for them as possible and it's slipping away from me #and i don't wanna leave this project unfinished when i start school y'know. sighh #i think they might feel like i only want them around when we're watching stuff. whcih is weird bc that's like #The Singular Way we family bonded literally my whole life so idk why they wouldn't get that when reversed #but either way that IS how i wanna spend time with them. i want them to understand this thing that's become a part of me #and i wanna talk With them about it. and so far it's been fun in a way it's never been before. my mom at least seems to really like it #and i want it to Keep going well bc if we lose momentum im worried they'll start finding it tedious. sighh

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