#I mean it is just trauma after trauma after trauma after trauma

[demonic0angel]

DcxDp

Danny, after some encouragement (read nagging) from Jazz, decides to find a way to vent his trauma without it leading back to him. He's a bit hesitant about therapy due to Spectra, and there's only so much Jazz can do, especially since she's often busy with her classes over at Gotham University. So Danny decides to write a book under the pen name Danny Nightingale. The book quickly becomes a series of three so far called The Lab Accident Chronicles. He makes them about a boy named Neil who gets super powers in a generic lab accident and goes around fighting other super humans. The second book is about coping the trauma the ultimate enemy caused with changes, like Dan being Neil's superpowered older brother named Felix, Dani being a younger sister named Katey in the icu as a stand in for her destabilizing. There's also the older sister character based on Jazz named Amy. The third book is about coping with the trauma of the GIW vivisecting Danny with the stand in being an agency called The Anti Meta Foundation. The books become best sellers in a bunch of different cities, and the Justice League immediately can tell these books are trauma vents and are concerned.

Superman frowned at the books. “Is there a reason you believe that this is… real?”

Batman growled, “The level of detail within the novels are too… they’re too realistic. Something like this can only be written as a first hand account with personal experience.”

Green Lantern lifted the book with his ring, flipping through it rapidly. “I’m not too sure about this, Spooks. How are we sure that it’s just not someone with a good imagination? I mean, some of the things that happen in this novel are pretty… out of there. Like some sort of inter dimensional being capturing an entire town and being defeated by a teenager? His genocidal future self from another timeline coming to this world to kill him? Said teen also having a romance with almost all of the girls in his high school? Not that he described a lot but still…”

Batman pinched his nose. The first time Green Lantern actually read all of his needed materials and it was this…

Wonder Woman coughed and said, “Well, I believe you, Batman. If you think that there is a connection we can look into, it is no problem for us to give a quick check.”

Batman bowed his head to her. “Thank you.”

Superman nodded and said, “I agree. I trust you, Batman. So… where do we start?”

Batman flipped one of the books over and pointed to the name written under the drawing of a green, swirling portal. “Here. I say we start with the author. Daniel J. Nightingale.”

[nyxelestia]

Tacking onto all of this, I do find it off-putting that a lot of fics ignore that he had a life before HYDRA and before the war. It only ever seems to come up in relation to Steve but not his own sense of self.

If he is going to define himself by consumer choices, why not explore what it means that he actually does have a sense of self within that paradigm...but all the things he wants to choose for himself are gone, lost to the passage of time? Why is his sense of self and identity less valid just because the ravages of time and capitalism have rendered all his preferences and choices unavailable? Is he really free to define himself if his options are limited to what is available today, but do not include what feels true to him and his live experiences?

I will add that I also suspect a lot of these fics are being heavily informed and biased by the personal experiences of the community that they were written by and for. In short, this community has way more survivors of sexual abuse and domestic violence that it has survivors of war and multigenerational poverty, and it shows. The way fandom in general tends to understand and write PTSD has less to do with war -- even the specifically American military-industrial version of it -- and more in common with surviving abuse.

I think some of that is an understandable product of the story. Most survivors of war and soldiers with PTSD were not in a long-term, on-going psychological manipulation that systematically and intentionally deconstructed their sense of self; yet that description, while extreme, is very applicable to what it feels like to be in and escape from an abusive relationships (whether a family dynamic or an intimate partner relationship).

There are many significant differences between "abuse/assault survivor PTSD" vs "war/external conflict PTSD," but I think one of the most relevant differences is the nature of the cause of trauma denying victims autonomy, agency, and self-determination.

This may not be easy to see at first because the military is so conformist. Everyone has the same uniform, code of conduct, and often the exact same lifestyle or schedule. But that's relatively superficial; it's almost a stereotype that as soon as soldiers with their first military paychecks get off base for the first time, they make a lot of bad but self-determining purchases like fancy cars and high-end consumer electronics. One of the reasons why the military as an institution is so enduring is because after this initial period of intense conformity and trauma, it's often a path of self-determination (or at least marketed as such): loans for housing, support for education, multiple career paths, etc. (The flipside being, of course, that the military can just as easily lock you into a career you don't want, or the trauma from it can make achieving any semblance of life after violence anywhere from difficult to impossible.) Meanwhile, abusive families and relationships are often exactly the opposite: superficially giving victims all the freedom in the world or only very few restrictions (at least as compared to the military), yet in practice locking victims into a specific lifestyle or path preferred by the abuser.

This manifests in the way a lot of fanfic authors write Bucky recovering from the Winter Soldier ordeal. He exercises a lot of autonomy and agency in his superficial consumer choices, yet often exercises very little real agency in the course of his life. Either he remains a superhero / supersoldier of some variety, or he has to take the extreme measure of completely dropping off the grid (and out of public eye, and often well away from everyone else in the world) to achieve any sense of peace.

A lot of Bucky Recovery fics don't really feel like a traumatized veteran or even traumatized abuse survivor moving on with their life or recovering anything significant. Instead, they have the same vibes as a military fresh recruit making dumb high-interest big purchases off-base while rushing back to base in time for PT, or someone in an abusive relationship celebrating a fancy haircut their partner likes while putting their education and career on hold for said partner. A lot of these fics feel like they make Bucky celebrate superficial appearances of autonomy and agency to obfuscate just how little self-determination he really has even after escaping HYDRA.

In a weird way, this feels like an apt metaphor not for the character but for the authors. Much like Bucky post-Winter Soldier, they cannot fathom a life of true independence from capitalism, and so envision the closest thing to it they can imagine while still remaining under the umbrella of capitalism and calling that freedom.

I am still pretty buried in work, but dropping in to comment on a trope I’ve seen popping up again and again in CA: TWS fic, which is: the horror and totality of Bucky’s deconstruction as a person is shown through the revelation that he doesn’t know what [food, clothes, music, coffee, etc] he likes, and a significant part of his reconstruction involves correcting this. 

This is very attractive trope. I enjoy reading it! But I want to turn a critical eye on it, and on my own enjoyment of it. This will surprise no one who’s been reading my blog for a long time, since I’m persistently and heavily critical of the selfist/consumerist ideology that underlies Western capitalist society. And that’s what’s going on here, really, I think: this trope is an expression of our understanding of what it means to be a person, and our anxieties about person-ness.

Keep reading

[its-cartooncrazy]

[Image description: a list of all tarot cards in the major arcana, along with their meanings. They have been matched to a vessel from slay the princess, using the drawings from the memories page. Full text ID under the cut.]

Hello I spent like a week being abnormal about this (no I did not know the tarot cards by heart before this, yes I do now) so here is my definitive list of which princess matches which tarot card. If you disagree with me then you're wrong (joking, please feel free to tell me with your reasoning, I'd love to hear it!!)

Full list of my reasonings under the cut (scroll to the big text saying "Reasonings" to skip the ID)

[Full ID: three columns, listing first the tarot number and name, then card meanings, then the princess. They are as follows:

0. The Fool. cycle of life, birth & death, hope, optimism, childish, spontaneous, lateral thinking. The Damsel

1. The Magician. practical, success, witty, at home, central nervous system & lungs & senses, unemotional, over analyses. The Moment of Clarity

2. The High Priestess. heightened perception, unknown, mystery, occult, patience, intuition, strong independent woman, unable to control or dominate. The Wraith

3. The Empress. powerful women, creativity, growth, beauty, birth, fertility, warm, loving, sensual, enjoys life to the full. The Adversary

4. The Emperor. structure & power, competitive, achievement, authority, hierarchy, dominance. The Tower

5. The Hierophant. status quo, appearances, marriage, teaching, interpreting, structure, routine. Happily Ever After

6. The Lovers. love, romance, union, soulmates, resolved inner conflict, choice. The Wild

7. The Chariot. reward, victory hard won, don’t give up, try again, vehicles, overcoming obstacles, self discipline, hard work, focus. The Beast

8. Justice. logical decision, balanced mind, negotiation, truth, honesty, integrity. The Spectre

9. The Hermit. Solitude, thinking, introspection, learning, teaching. The Prisoner

10. The Wheel of Fortune. Fate, coincidence, luck, cycles, confusion. The Stranger

11. Strength. generous, loving, courage, conviction, optimism, resolve, generous, antagonism resolved, animals (loving). The Den

12. The Hanged Man. unable to move, temporary pause, patience, self limiting, trapped, sacrifice, wait for info. The Cage

13. Death. cycle of death & rebirth, transformation, something is ending, confronting smth alarming, major change. The Eye of the Needle

14. Temperance. balanced, adaptable, see both sides, calm, solve disputes, works well in a team, mixing opposites, blending, time. The Princess and the Dragon

15. The Devil. material world, buying love, material security, mental health, powerlessness, violence, obsession, secrecy. The Witch

16. The Tower. disruptive, violent, necessary change, enlightenment, trauma, loss, upheaval, tragedy. The Fury

17. The Star. hope, new life, fresh insight, phys or ment wounds heal, heal & inspire others, help, human rights, nature, equality. The Thorn

18. The Moon. dreams, imagination, subconscious, illusion, vagueness, deception, fear, anxiety. The Nightmare

19. The Sun. happiness & vitality, energy, confidence, children, freedom, fun, self expression. The Razor

20. Judgement. decisions, awakening, rebirth, healing, homesickness, celebrate success, self evaluation, blame. The Grey

21. The World. end of a cycle, accomplishment, journey, belonging, wholeness. The Apotheosis

End ID]

Reasonings

The Fool I put the damsel down for pretty early, just because of the childish optimism, but later I was thinking about the damsel route and why it wouldn't fit the Lovers and I said the damsel is more about how they are rushing into it. And then I remembered the Fool is about rushing in lol. I couldn't really consider anything else after that

The Magician mentions the central nervous system and lungs, so I considered putting the nightmare here for paranoids mantra, but the card didn't really fit her that well and the central nervous system is different to the autonomous nervous system anyway so. The Moment of Clarity gets this spot for her practical breaking of you, and the success it brings her. Not one of my easiest placements but I'm still pretty happy with it

The high Priestess was hard to place because she's about the occult, and powerful women who don't need a man. If only there was a princess who fit that mold... (/s if it wasn't clear) so yeah. Half the princesses were written down here at one point. The Wraith gets this spot because I found other places for all the others I guess and also because "She could not find her strength in others, so she found it in herself."

The empress is again a powerful woman, but a loving and nurturing one, who encourages growth. It was both the growth and the partnership she has that gave her the adversary

The Emperor is about hierarchy and dominance. I knew very early on that the tower would fit best here. "This one is dominance."

The hierophant is about structure, appearances, and also marriage. Happily Ever After is all about being trapped within this structure, with ties specifically to marriage. Literally tell me I'm wrong?

The Lovers. Okay. So there's a few this could be. The Damsel, with the voice of the smitten? Not really as equal a partnership, as I mentioned in the Fool section. They don't really know each other. The Thorn, where you can kiss her? Well that ignores like. The entire rest of the route so no. Happily ever after? Maybe, but I prefer her in hierophant. The adversary, with your equal partnership in kicking each others asses? Easily, but I also put her elsewhere. Ironically, the Lovers was one of the last two cards I placed, and the only princesses left were the wild and the grey, and unfortunately I couldn't agree with the drowned grey going here. The wild has you literally being one, achieving a common goal. It's not my favourite placement but I dont hate it so.

The chariot is about putting in the hard work and seeing it through, and she does make an effort to capture you (swallow you whole) and bring you to the door so she can escape. Also it's about vehicles, and she literally acts as a vehicle for you. That idea was too funny to not do tbh

Justice is one of three cards that mention balance, so I wanted one of the ones where you merge to go here. Much like the scales of justice, it is about considering all sides and picking fairly, so it had to go to the spectre, who gets justice for her murder when you help her out. The spectre was written down for like half the cards on this list though my god

The hermit is about solitude and self introspection. The prisoner, sitting in silence for millenia, felt very fitting. I also wanted the cage to be here, because the image of the hermit is him holding up a lantern, and having the cage holding her head like that would be fun, but she fit better in the hanged man so.

The wheel of fortune was one of my later picks. Fate, and also cycles. Its a little vague, and can fit with quite a few princesses, but I put the stranger here. Is it the vibes? Something about coincidences and not meeting her feels similar, but I cant put my finger on it so if you can explain please do.

Strength, but of the inner sort. The Den didn't really have anywhere better to go, I don't know if instinct matches with any of the cards. I felt confidence in ones self was pretty similar to instinct, plus it has ties to animals.

The hanged man is self restrictions. I would have liked to put the thorn here, honestly, hanging from her vines. Ultimately it was the best choice for the cage, though, and I had another good option for the thorn. Anyway, the cage can be hanging from all those chains and hooks. "This one is a body that convinced herself she was only a set of eyes." Sounds like her limits are self imposed for sure!

Death and the tower have similar meanings in that things are coming to an end, and both of them I felt were good fits for both eye of the needle and the Fury. Ultimately I put eotn here because its more cyclical, and when she was the adversary she wanted to continue fighting over and over again.

Temperance is the second balance card, specifically about blending this time. Opposites merging, solving disputes. Felt very much like the princess and the dragon chapter. "This one is perspectives bleeding into one."

The Devil is a person tricking you, but also material security. I only ever put the witch down for this one, and I only ever put her down for one card lol. The mutual trickery and betrayal in her chapter felt too fitting. "A trick behind your back, and a trick behind mine."

The tower, like I said, is similar to death in that they are both about things ending. But the tower is more dramatic, about the sudden upheaval, so I thought thematically it matched with the Fury better, who is very upset and very taking it out on you. This is one of the cards I knew the meaning of from the beginning, so unfortunately there was never a point in which the tower was matched with the tower :(

The star is hope and healing. One of many that the spectre could have matched with. (I wanted to make her star shaped wound be the star... oh well). The Thorn fits well here, if you both choose to end the cycle of violence and leave together. The star also has ties to nature, which fits with the thorns... thorns... I would have preferred her at the hanged man for her self limiting, being trapped in her own thorns, but this is also a very good choice so I'm not too mad lol

The moon is fear and anxiety. Plus the moon only comes out at night, when everyone is sleeping, when you have nightmares! But mostly it's the vagueness, mystery and anxiety stuff.

The sun being joy meant I knew I wanted the razor here from the beginning. I briefly considered putting her at death (for the cycles, and also the uh, death) but I think the dying part of her route is not actually that important? Anyway the razor is my wife and I'm glad she's enjoying herself. "She is cruelty. But she is also joy." See, shifty gets it!

Judgement is where you look back on everything and judge yourself. It was one of the last two cards to be assigned, and the wild did not fit here at all. Plus the grey sort of punishes you for your actions? It's unavoidable, is my point.

The world is accomplishment, wholeness. She is as close to becoming the goddess she truly is as any vessel ever comes. "This one sits at the cusp of awakening." Shifty says. Also Apotheosis literally means climax so I had to put her at the end of the tarot, you understand.

So yeah that's that. Thanks for reading, if you managed to get through all that. Feel free to debate different interpretations at me, I'd love to hear em!

[oddyseye]

Dissecting every reason people call Eurylochus a hypocrite because I am sick and tired of defending this poor hungry man.

Eurylochus is not the easy villain or the perfect saint. He is the walking contradiction of the Odyssey and EPIC, and anyone who just calls him a hypocrite without understanding the nuances of his motivations really isn’t paying attention to the full picture. Let’s start with the infamous wind bag fiasco, which happens early enough for Eurylochus to show us his conflict. Yes, he doubts Odysseus’ judgment when it comes to the Wind God’s island, warning him about the risks. And let’s be real, Eurylochus is absolutely right. If you look at the situation, Odysseus is acting impulsively, relying on his wits and bravado, thinking he can control the outcome with the power of his charm. But this? It’s a god’s realm. The gods don’t work on your timetable. At this point, what does Odysseus’ confidence even mean? Eurylochus sees it as reckless, and I agree. Yes, Eurylochus is a bit wary of everything at this point (which might be annoying if you’re Odysseus), but it’s a valid concern. And Odysseus’ reply? It's a bit patronizing. He doesn’t respect Eurylochus’ caution. Instead of listening to his crew member, his second-in-command, Odysseus tells him to stand down and demands blind loyalty. Of course, this sets the stage for Eurylochus’ next crucial transformation. He’s now seen Odysseus as someone who doesn’t care about the real risks or the crew. People LOVE to bring up that line where Eurylochus says he opened the wind bag. Okay, okay, he messed up. But here’s the thing: he knows he messed up, and he admits it. In front of everyone. He’s not hiding it. He’s not making excuses. He’s owning up to it. And people still want to call him a hypocrite? He wasn’t the one who set the trap for the entire crew by opening that wind bag. Odysseus gave some instructions, but he knew the crew was starving and desperate. And then, on top of that, you have the winions stirring the pot, telling everyone there’s treasure in the bag? What did he think would happen? The crew wasn’t exactly in the best headspace to be taking orders from a guy who was clearly not as present as he should have been. You can’t put all the blame on Eurylochus when Odysseus didn’t exactly set them up for success. Everyone was already in a fragile place after the war, and Odysseus should have known better than to leave room for temptation. He was the leader; he should’ve anticipated how bad the temptation would be. Eurylochus gets a little too much flak for something that wasn’t entirely his fault. There’s enough blame to go around for everyone, not just one guy. All of the crew wanted to open the bag, Eurylochus was just the one who did. He represents the voice of the crew. His biggest focus becomes apparent in the Circe Saga, specifically during Puppeteer, when Eurylochus is forced into a brutal choice on Circe’s island. After the men are turned into pigs, Eurylochus has to come to terms with his decision. He’s a pragmatist. He doesn’t trust the island, doesn’t want to gamble their lives on a witch’s promises. So, when Odysseus sends him and the crew to investigate, Eurylochus doesn’t just go along for the ride, he stays behind and urges Odysseus to get out of there. But let’s remember, this moment is a turning point for Eurylochus. He’s scared, yes, but also rational. He was the one who saw the situation from a distance and thought, “This is too risky.” He’s the realist who wants to cut his losses, but it’s important to notice that his fear is the fear of losing more men, not necessarily cowardice. Unlike Odysseus, who acts out of hope, Eurylochus is practical. His attitude here reflects the trauma they’ve been through and how tired he is of losing people. That’s why his frustration boils over later when Odysseus sacrifices men — because Eurylochus has seen enough death.

Now, let’s talk about Scylla. Because this is the moment where everything Eurylochus has learned comes crashing down on him. Remember that vow Odysseus made to him earlier: “There’s no length I wouldn’t go if it was you I had to save”? Well, that sentiment sticks with Eurylochus. He takes that to heart. So when Odysseus makes the decision to sacrifice six men to Scylla, you can see why he snaps. It’s not just that Odysseus is willing to sacrifice them — it’s that he does it without warning, without giving them the choice. Eurylochus feels like Odysseus has abandoned everything he taught him about loyalty. That vow he made? Yeah, it means nothing now. Eurylochus is furious because Odysseus fails him here. He’s been teaching Eurylochus the value of every single life, yet when the time comes to uphold that belief, Odysseus throws it out the window to save himself and his pride. So, of course Eurylochus is mad. And it’s not about the six men dying (because, let’s be real, he’s no saint), it’s about the betrayal. He’s been made to believe in the cause, but now he sees Odysseus as a hypocrite. It stings, and it’s totally justified. This leads us to Mutiny. Eurylochus is right to be mad at Odysseus for sacrificing six men just to save his own skin. Don’t even try to justify that. Odysseus put his own desire to get home ahead of the lives of his crew. Eurylochus did not agree to be cannon fodder for Odysseus’ personal agenda. He wasn’t going to sit back and watch his brothers die without questioning what the heck was going on. So, when Odysseus goes full “sacrifice six for the greater good,” you bet Eurylochus was angry. He wasn’t just upset because they were going to die; he was upset because Odysseus made the decision to send them to their deaths without even consulting them. Eurylochus’ reaction is human, it’s justifiable, and it’s completely rational. He’s not a traitor, he’s someone who realizes that Odysseus’ quest for glory comes at the expense of the people he supposedly cares about. Then we get to the cattle of Helios because apparently everyone’s learnt nothing. Eurylochus has already checked out emotionally. He’s looked at the situation, and for him, the reality of their fate is clear: they’re not going to make it home. They’re already dead in a way, and the gods are just playing with them. So when faced with the opportunity to eat the cows, he sees it as a way to take some control over a situation where they’ve lost all control. His logic isn’t about doing what’s morally right in the eyes of the gods. At least if they’re going to die, they can do it on their own terms — full stomachs, no slow starvation or suffering. It’s a very bleak and cynical perspective, but it’s also realistic. And in a way, it shows a form of wisdom that Odysseus doesn’t have in this moment. Odysseus, of course, refuses to let go of hope. His entire journey is a testament to his stubbornness and unwillingness to give up. That’s his defining trait, and it’s what keeps him going, but it also blinds him to the obvious signs of doom around him. He refuses to accept that the gods are no longer in his favor, that they’ve been punished for their mistakes, and that he’s already sealed their fate. For Odysseus, admitting that they’ve lost would be admitting defeat, and that’s something he can’t stomach. So, instead of facing the reality of the situation, he doubles down on his hope and pride. Eurylochus isn’t the naive one here. He’s not playing the hero’s game. He’s real. He’s already accepted that their journey is doomed, but he refuses to be passive in that fate. He wants to take charge of how they go out. He’s not waiting for divine intervention anymore because, honestly, it hasn’t worked out so well for them so far. He’s out of options and out of faith.

But here’s the darker, more tragic implication: Eurylochus’ perspective is the voice of the crew. His attitude — “We’re never gonna make it home; we’re already doomed” — isn’t just his own individual despair; it’s shared by everyone else around him. The crew is no longer fighting for survival; they’ve been through too much. They’ve seen too many of their comrades die for a cause that seems meaningless at this point (how do you think Perimedes would feel when Elpenor died). They’ve been stranded for so long, constantly at the mercy of the gods, with no real agency over their fates. They’ve lost hope. The entire crew is in a suicidal state of mind, and Eurylochus’ willingness to eat the cows is just the worst tangible sign of that collective despair. He’s the one who finally gives voice to it, like always, but it’s a sentiment that’s been building throughout their journey. He’s come to terms with it in a way that Odysseus has not. In that sense, his desire to eat the cows is almost a form of passive suicide — an attempt to bring some meaning, some control to an already doomed situation. His actions signal a profound loss of the will to live. This attitude is contagious. When Eurylochus speaks, he’s speaking for a crew that’s also checked out, a crew that’s surrendered to the inevitable. They don’t believe in their survival anymore. They’re not thinking about glory or heroism. They’re thinking about getting something out of their final moments, about finding some form of solace in the face of certain death. They no longer care about the gods or their promises. They just want to eat, even if it means defying the divine laws. This is a crew that’s collectively suicidal, mentally exhausted, and emotionally broken. And Eurylochus, in choosing to act, becomes both the catalyst for their final downfall and the embodiment of their emotional exhaustion and surrender.

He doesn’t trust Odysseus anymore. Odysseus promised to bring them home, but where are they? They’re stranded, they’ve lost men, brothers, friends, and the gods keep throwing obstacles in their path. When Odysseus becomes a king in his eyes and no longer a brother, it’s clear: Eurylochus starts thinking about himself, and that definitely doesn’t make him a hypocrite. It makes him human. It makes him someone who’s had enough. So, when the storm hits, and Eurylochus says, “We’re going to die anyway,” it’s not just a defeatist attitude — it’s the voice of someone who’s been burned by his faith in Odysseus too many times. He finally does what Odysseus would have done if he weren’t so obsessed with getting home — he does what’s necessary for survival. It’s harsh, but it’s consistent with his struggle all along. Eurylochus isn’t a hypocrite because he speaks out against Odysseus — he’s just a man who wants to believe in loyalty, but realizes that Odysseus has never really been loyal to anyone but his wife, never his men. It’s a brutal realization, and it’s only when he lashes out in Mutiny that we see the full extent of his disillusionment.

So, before anyone calls Eurylochus a hypocrite, let’s remember that he was the one who had to deal with the consequences of Odysseus’ stubbornness and false promises. He wanted to be the loyal friend, the one who stuck by his leader. But Odysseus made it impossible. Now, he’s just a man broken by the very loyalty he once held dear.

[isawritesshit]

The Color Blue - Chapter 3

image taken from @ lovevivianne on pinterest; borders created by @anitalenia

Synopsis: As the only daughter to the leader of the Kamo Clan, you were trained and protected to one day bring your father honor through your marriage to the heir of the Gojo Clan. However, your husband ended up being something that your family never prepared you for. As you come to navigate a new world of politics between the clans, your husband convinces you that there is nothing wrong with honoring yourself too.

Warnings and Content: fem! reader, slightly ooc! (?) gojo, mostly fluff with a smidge of tension, cat :), small signs of past mental and physical abuse, violence, death, guns, knives, bit of blood, explosion cause by gojo’s technique, mentions of bruising and choking, brief threats, bits of trauma after an attack, healing myself a little after season 2, sharing a bed, gojo teasing, brief argument, reader says something about her not caring if she dies but doesn’t mean it, cursing, gojo has scars, cuddles and secret kisses :)

Author's Note: Hello everyone. This chapter has been a long time coming, and I apologize that I fell off the face of the earth. More of that will be explained later. However, I want to thank those that did message me and have been enjoying this story so far, but we know how life can get. I had a great time writing this during what little time I had, and it's also a little longer than my usual chapters. So, without further ado, here's chapter 3 !! Remember to catch up on The Color Blue if you haven't done so before reading !! For those of you who I may have forgotten to add in the taglist or would like to be added, comment below!

Word Count: ~8.8k

Apparently, even The Strongest got the jitters. Satoru didn't think it was possible, yet here he was, his leg bouncing as he sat in the back seat of the car as it pulled up to the long, winding driveway.

He would admit to himself that he was counting down the days, and then even the hours, until he got to see you again. It felt ridiculous at this point, the quickening heartbeat knowing you were getting closer by the second, the smile he tried to hide whenever you crossed his mind.

And the... other thoughts he had of you over his trip as well. He had those a little more than he was willing to admit in your absence.

The driver pulled up to the front entrance and Satoru retrieved his duffel bag, slinging it over his shoulder. He went up the steps, opened the door...

He frowned when you weren't on the other side. He thought that maybe you would greet him in the foyer. Oh well, just meant he would have to go looking for you. Satoru started with your shared kitchen, then the living room... maybe inside your bedroom?

He opened your door, calling your name. Immediately, as if startled, you jumped up from your bed, hands behind your back, the book in your lap clattering to the floor. Satoru's eyebrows raised at your sudden movement.

"W-welcome home, Satoru! How was your flight back?" you exclaimed. Something must be-

"Mmrreow..."

A cat's soft purr sounded in the air.

"Whatcha got there?"

"A book...?"

Satoru chuckled and smirked, his arms now resting at his sides. "I don't think that was a book..."

Your face scrunched up as your arms moved from behind your back. "Please don't be upset..."

You revealed a small ragdoll cat, probably only a few months old, it's singular eye scanning before it landed on Satoru. Satoru gasped and, like a child being presented with a new toy, threw his duffel bag aside and took the cat into his arms.

You've never heard a grown man squeal. That being said, your worried face softened into a grin.

"When did you get this little cutie?" Satoru laughed, turning the cat over in one arm to pet her little stomach.

"W-well... you told me before you left that... your money is my money, and I've always wanted a cat. I made sure I did my research, though! I bought her from a shelter, and made sure to get her the required vaccinations-"

"Does she have a name?" he exclaimed, handing the cat to you.

"I named her Sugar... if you don't like it, we can-"

"Sugar! Awww, that's the perfect name!!" he cooed, petting Sugar under her chin, her right and only eye squinting as she purred. "She already likes me too..."

Sugar moved out of his arms to lay on your bed as you strode to reach for a book on your dresser. A book for taking care of kittens, he realized. "You don't have to worry about taking care of her. I have her food ready for the next few months, the best kind I could find for her breed and age, and I already have her litter set up in the laundry room. I'm keeping her toys in my room as well," you explained, already paging through the book to support your points.

Satoru looked at you from where he started to kneel at the foot of your bed, getting up close and personal with the new feline friend. He admired your sudden commitment, but... "You don't want my help?" Satoru questioned, cocking his head.

"Well, I figured since I'm the one who bought her, I should take care of her. I don't want to inconvenience you," you answered, clasping your hands with the book in front of you.

"It's not really that much of an inconvenience. The only reason I never got one before was because I felt bad that I was almost never home. But now that you're here, it makes it a lot easier. It's not like you got a dog," he reasoned, now standing to full height while petting across the fur of Sugar's back. "If you really want to take full responsibility, that's fine, but I don't mind helping. I just can't promise I can or will want to change the litter."

You let out a small laugh. "I'm okay with that then..."

After a few moments of silence, you picked up your gaze from the floor, a soft smile on your face and a question on your tongue, only to see Satoru looking at you already.

You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He had such sweet eyes, like blue cotton candy, and the way he looked at you with them was even sweeter. A small blush warmed your cheeks as you averted your eyes. What were you going to say again?

"Something wrong, pretty girl?"

"W-what? Oh, no, I was just... going to ask how your trip was?"

Satoru shrugged. "Meh, nothing out of the usual. Just a few grade ones here and there, but finding a special grade was a little interesting. I took care of that one too. Oh, and there was this one store-"

Satoru ended up ranting about all of the new stores and restaurants he tried out for an hour, even if you did remember some of these places briefly from your short, daily phone calls. He even paused to retrieve something from his bag at one point: a delicate antique comb with pearls in the handle. A gift, as well as something that reminded him of you.

You took it from him to arrange in your jewelry box. You found it quite absurd that Satoru was telling you more about his leisure time that he spent in Kyoto rather than the curses he fought. You couldn't tell if he was just trying to spare you the gruesome details, or he if really didn't feel like it was that important to talk about. Perhaps to him, these curses were like stones on his path to be kicked or flies he shooed away from his face, barely worth mentioning. At least, that's what it seemed like to you.

It scared you a bit.

"(Y/N)?" Your thoughts broke as he said your name, one of his hands resting on Sugar as he sat by her and the other resting on his knee while he looked at you. "You good?"

"Hm? Oh, yes, I'm fine..."

"Really? You don't seem like it..." Satoru expressed, now rising from your bed to walk over to you. Since he had left, you had forgotten how much taller he was than you. "Is everything okay? I never got to ask how you were here without me..."

Your face shifted as he said that. "May I confess something?"

His eyebrows raised. "Yes, go ahead."

You held the book in your hands close to your chest. "When... when I first started to live here, I found your presence... unwanted and... a bit frightening. I got more accustomed to it and... as we became friends it had become normal. But when you left for this mission, I didn't realize how used to it I had gotten. So much so that... sometimes, when I found myself eating or going about the house or cleaning our living spaces, I would suddenly feel... I felt-"

"Is this your way of saying you missed me?" Satoru interrupted, a smug grin reaching the handsome planes of his face.

Your face flushed. "W-well, yes! But, what I was trying to get to is that-"

"I can't believe it. (Y/N) actually likes me! Maybe she won't move across the world from me after all, haha!!" Satoru gasped sarcastically before pumping his fist in triumph, to which you huffed. Satoru snickered, ruffling your hair. "Heeey, it's okay. You can admit that you missed your darling, awesome husband."

"Not just my husband. My friend," you returned, a grateful smile gracing your features. He mirrored that same smile, his hands on his hips. After a beat too long, you sauntered past him back to Sugar, who was now curled on your bed. "That being said, I think we should celebrate your return."

"Celebrate?" Satoru's eyes followed you as you walked, subtly taking the shape of your waist as you moved and shoving the ensuing thoughts deep down.

"Yes, as both a welcoming party for Sugar and for your return home," you replied, taking the slumbering kitten in your arms. "Also, mostly because I haven't had anyone to cook for this past week."

Satoru picked up his duffel bag and followed you out the door towards the stairs. "Surely that isn't the only reason you missed me?" he laughed.

"Well, nothing else is coming to mind," you joked right back, turning to him. Satoru looked back at you wide-eyed, an opened mouth grin forming on his face. Did you just... go along with one of his sarcastic gags? Telling by the little hidden smile you were giving him, you were.

This was new.

Satoru just huffed and shrugged, taking a step past you to open his bedroom door. "I think I'm rubbing off on you, pretty girl. Maybe I should've stayed away longer..."

You tried to hide your flush by avoiding eye contact, the sudden drop in octave in his voice causing you to go warm. He saw it anyway. Almost expected it at this point, given how predictable your reactions were. He stepped through his bedroom doorway, duffel bag on his shoulder once more, the epitome of smug satisfactory on his face.

Until you gripped his hand, looking up at him with eyes that could bring him to his knees. "I'm glad your home, Satoru."

It was the first time that you had ever initiated such contact. You knew it of course, and so did he. He clung to that unspoken fact, that knowing bit of trust and maybe something a bit more, as he engulfed your hand in his, giving it a small, warm squeeze.

"Me too..."

The two of you decided on a savory curry recipe for dinner. Nothing too fancy, but still delicious. Satoru chose to use the time as a way to try and test out that new found humor of yours, smiling to himself when he would get you to laugh or reply back with something witty. He'd been waiting to see this kind of side of you for a while, one that you had originally kept reserved, or maybe didn't even know that you had at all.

While eating, Satoru asked what you had been up to when he was away. "I was keeping up with my usual tasks. Nothing too special..." you said, looking down at your plate as you spooned some of the curry.

Satoru stared at you as you did, a small frown on his face. "So you didn't get out at all or do anything?" He also wanted to question why you couldn't seem to look at him right now, but he pushed the thought aside.

You shook your head, taking a bite. "Other than running errands or picking out Sugar, no."

"Well, maybe we should-"

Satoru paused.

You looked up at his sudden silence. "Satoru?"

He shushed you immediately, causing you to bite your tongue. He stared ahead, as if peering right through the wall ahead of him. He was peering right through the wall, using his Six Eyes. You could tell by the feint bits of cursed energy seeping into the room.

Then, slowly, ever so slowly, Satoru peeled himself from his seat, his expression suddenly hard. The staff had gone home for the day already, Sugar was sleeping under your feet... What could he possibly be going to check?

"Stay here," he murmured, his voice low. His tone sent a shiver of fear down your spine, not just because of its command, but for whatever the reason could be to change his demeanor so suddenly.

"Satoru, what is it-" you began, your voice hushed and brow furrowed. "Stay here," he growled, his head snapping in your direction as you barely rose from your seat. You complied, inching back down. "I'll be right back."

And with that, he moved, keeping a brisk pace as he opened the door that led to the rest of the estate, and shut it behind him. Worry began to coil in your gut, the thought of what could be so wrong that Satoru would have to just get up and leave. A few seconds passed, then a minute, more minutes...

You couldn't take it. You had to know something. Even if Satoru instructed you to stay put... as long as you didn't leave your shared part of the house, it would be okay, right? You rose from your chair slowly, the wood scraping against the floor as you padded over to the door at a snail's pace, an anticipatory feeling curling in your gut. Fear, something you knew almost all too well. It didn't help that your inner thoughts at the moment were your father's voice, laying out possible consequences and outcomes-

And yet, you grabbed the handle and swung the wide oak door open. Nothing but the dark hall and the stairwell beyond it greeted you.

"Satoru?" You thought that maybe he was playing a thoughtless prank, trying to scare you all for nothing. You almost expected him to pop out from behind you for a moment. No response.

You sighed, turning to shut the door, just before Sugar slipped past you, running. Of course, after her nap her boundless energy would push her towards the one place you didn't want her to be. You lunged forward to grab her, but the kitten only ran further away, as if daring you to catch her in some sort of game. If Satoru saw her, he would know that you must have opened the door at some point!

"Sugar!" you called, running down the hall after her.

"Who wants to tell me how you found my home? First to speak up dies last."

None of the thirty armed men standing in the garden said anything, sticking to aiming their useless guns. Satoru stood before them, arms crossed, the only thing between them and the house. And you.

"Okay, how about an easier question. Who hired you and how did you get past the wards?"

Wards had been placed all around the estate centuries ago when it was first built. No one had ever gotten past them. Until now.

It was almost embarrassing, too. None of these fuckers had any cursed energy, yet he had sensed them creeping through the treeline during dinner. He would've paid it no mind, since the barrier created by the wards should have stopped them. But they had walked right on through, and the barrier probably tickled them with a shock at best. He'd have to check their integrity later. But for now...

"Do I have to treat you like my students and pick on one of you?" Satoru snickered, a hand on his hip. This was a waste of time. The sooner he could get past the easy part, the sooner he could continue dinner with you and figure out who had sent these idiots so he could pay them a surprise visit. He didn't appreciate unexpected guests, especially while in the company of his wife.

Satoru sighed. "Okay then, you." Satoru pointed to one of the men on his left, and the man's arm twisted and exploded in blood and bone, causing him to let out a blood curdling scream. The men replied with open fire, to which Satoru easily blocked with his infinity.

Some of them refrained for a moment, realizing that this was no ordinary target, and that he was no ordinary man. The men stopped firing altogether, bewildered, and watched as the bullets clattered to the soft grass in front of him as he dropped his infinity.

"Should I ask one more time?" Satoru seethed lowly, stalking towards the group. A few of the sensible ones backed away a few steps. One man began to shake.

Satoru turned his head in that man's direction, watching him. The man cried out, and fired off his automatic rifle in a fit of terror, the bullets catching some of his team. The others began to fire with reckless abandon.

Satoru began to take care of them quickly, trying not to waste too much energy as he moved between each target. Move, apprehend, strike, kill, repeat. Move, apprehend, strike, kill, repeat. Each bit of blood he poured only hit the infinity barrier he kept up and blew off like rain on a windshield. But he needed to keep one alive-

There. One was running back through the trees; a coward then, someone likely to confess. He made quick work of the rest, before running after the escaping man not too far into the surrounding forest.

Satoru caught him by his shoulder, ripped his gun away, and flung him to the ground, putting his shoe to the man's chest. "Talk."

"I-I don't know-"

"Then know. Or you'll end up just like the rest."

"But I can't. I won't. He won't let me remember-"

Satoru's head inclined. "Who?"

The man beneath him let out a shaky breath, pointing back towards the house. Satoru's eyes widened, looking back and-

Someone was dragging you through the back garden doors. They had cursed energy.

Satoru teleported back in a heartbeat, right behind the person, bared hands going to wrap around their neck-

But they reacted too quickly. The person, a woman, whirled you in front of herself, holding you up by your neck as a shield. Your choking made Satoru see red.

"Not so fast, Limitless," she purred. "Step back, or I snap her neck."

It would be so easy to snap hers instead, but he didn't know her technique. He didn't know what she could do to you. He complied reluctantly, and the woman set you down and let you breathe before gently resting a jagged dagger against your throat.

The woman was clearly a cursed user of some kind. Tall, form fitting, her muscular body contrasting the elegance of her red kimono and feminine face. She flashed him a saccharine smile. Whoever she was, Satoru didn't recognize her.

"So nice to finally meet you," the woman careened. "Your wife and I have already gotten acquainted." She pressed the knife closer towards the soft expanse of your neck, the sharp edge tickling your skin. You winced.

"Satoru-"

"It's okay, (Y/N)," he breathed out. But it wasn't okay. He had been a damn fool, telling you stay in the house, unprotected. No, he was a fool for following that last attacker into the forest. He was only there to draw him out, so this woman could slip in undetected. "Why didn't you stay in put-"

"That was my doing, actually," the woman smiled, raising her other hand from your nape. Satoru tensed, but instead Sugar appeared from beside her. The woman moved her hand in a circular motion, and Sugar mimicked it, spinning at the same speed of her hand before walking off. "A little party trick. Mrs. Gojo seems rather fond of the animal, so I figured she would rush to protect it when it "decided" to run off." And lured you to the garden just so she could pluck you out.

So, mind control. That was her technique. Satoru huffed. "I will admit, I haven't seen that one before. But what do you want?"

The woman shrugged. "Why don't you guess?"

Satoru's eyes narrowed, trying not to let his slight panic get to him as he saw tears begin to slip down your face. She would pay for that. "Well, lots of people have their reasons. There's always a price for my head, so it could be that, but you seem pretty smart. You know you can't kill me," the woman grinned, "so you went for her. And now I have to... give you something, I presume?"

"Perhaps." The woman began thrumming her fingers on your collarbone. "It is something that you have. Try thinking a little harder."

Satoru crossed his arms, making a show of trying to come up with an answer. "Well, I do have a lot of money, but with your talents you don't seem to need to get it from me. I have valuable information on a vast variety of top secret jujustu subject matters, but really, you don't have to go through me to get those, and, even if you did, I really don't remember anything important, I mean, c'mon look at me. Sooo... other than that I would assume you're trying tooooo get my attention? In which case then, oh, I'm flattered and you seem like a nice gal, but I'm a married man so... what do you want?"

"I want her, dumbass," the woman growled, clearly upset by Satoru's rambling. She pressed the knife point underneath your chin, your chest heaving as you groaned. "Do you know what people would do for Death Immunity? What anyone would-"

"Oh, well, you could've just said so," Satoru grumbled. "Anyway, she-"

A thousand blades lunged at light speed from the trees, all aimed for him, which he deflected without a thought. He turned his head to look at them once they had clattered against the concrete, the knives identical to the one the woman was holding against you. "Geez, did you do that? Where were you keeping all those?" He put a hand to his head, trying to peer into the direction they came from.

The woman's demeanor went from peeved to panic when her surprised attack failed, clutching you tighter in her grasp, her grip beginning to bruise along your collarbone.

"Well, as I was saying," Satoru continued, turning back to the assailant. His eyes briefly took in the woman's nails digging into your skin, his voice rumbling a shade darker. "She's already mine, so I'm afraid you've come here for no fucking reason, other than to get killed. So, without further ado-"

Satoru raised his arm with killer quickness, a blue flash from his hand near blinding you as he aimed and released it into the woman's face. Before the blast could fully take, he pulled you to his chest, turning and shielding you both with his infinity as the woman's head was detonated so fast that her vocal cords were incinerated before she could scream.

You let out a painful sob as he pulled you to his chest firmly, hunching over you with an arm around your waist and the other around your shoulders. Only when he felt the implosion recede and heard the woman's body thump to the ground did he stand fully and let you turn around. "Are you hurt-"

Your first reaction was to look behind him to where the woman's corpse was still smoking, or what was left of it. "No, no, don't look," he murmured, forcing your head back into his chest. You were a mess, breath heaving, sobs racking your throat, eyes puffy and still crying fat tears.

" 'M sorry! 'M so sorry-" you choked.

"Don't apologize, you're okay now. I've got you. You're safe," Satoru whispered, trying to ground you, rocking you side to side as he cupped your face firmly, bringing his forehead to yours. His hands were warm, so unlike that woman's. Thumbs wiping your tears, he stroked your cheek as if it was the only thing able to pull you back to reality. "You're safe. I've got you."

The investigation at the Gojo estate started within an hour of the attack and was still ongoing the next morning. Members of Jujustu High's Tokyo staff came to help with investigation and cleanup. After they debriefed you, Satoru asked Suguru if the two of you could crash at his apartment for a while, just until he was sure that the location of this estate and the others under the Gojo name were secure. Suguru agreed, leaving with you in tow so you could get some rest and to make sure you were well protected.

Now, those involved in the investigation met in the estate dining room. The chandelier light played off the ancient mahogany walls, overshadowed by the streams of golden sunlight bleeding through the skinny, arching windows and glinting against the many colored alcohol bottles sitting on the flight of shelves against the opposite wall.

Nobody reached for a glass though.

The first one to speak was Ijichi, having entered the room minutes after everyone else. "We have identified the female curse user," he said, passing off a matching folder to each person sitting at the table. "Her name was Kawate Kiko, a curse user who has been hired by many crime organizations and other private buyers for her skills, both in hunting humans and curses."

"And her cursed technique was mind control?" Yaga began.

"No."

All the heads turned to Satoru, sitting cross legged, eyes unreadable behind his glasses. He had switched out his t-shirt and sweats from earlier to his official uniform. "It wasn't mind control. She was able to manipulate knives telepathically at rapid speeds, at numbers probably close to 100."

Shoko set down the file. "Do we have any clue who may have hired her and these men? Or what their motive may have been? Perhaps she hired them to help her."

Yaga grumbled. "Well, if someone didn't blow her face off-"

"Sorry that I didn't give a fuck. Not when she was holding a knife to my wife's throat," Satoru said lowly and firmly. The room went quiet before he sighed and spoke again. "Things don't add up. The men, we know, were all ex-convicts and low lives of local Tokyo crime rigs, with little to no connection to one another or any part of the jujustu world. They would have had no reason to suddenly band together for a hunt like this, especially with someone of Kawate's caliber. Secondly, the man that I hunted down in the forest said he didn't know why he was there and that someone, a he, was preventing him from remembering. Not she. And with 30 non-curse users getting through the estate ward barrier with guns and armor they had no money to possess... there had to have been someone else here tonight with those assets and that technique. Someone with enough caliber to hire someone like Kawate to play along with them. Someone behind the scenes of everything."

"But I thought they were after (Y/N). Why the hell would the other guy not show himself after Kawate was killed?" Kusakabe grumbled.

"Cowardice? Maybe realizing that the entire operation was an impossible job and decided to flee?" Shoko proposed.

Yaga leaned back in his chair. "What doesn't make sense is that someone must have had access to these wards or known how to manipulate them. No one else has access, right?"

Satoru shook his head. "I'm the only person alive that should know how to work mine, but that doesn't mean someone somehow could have been taking the time to study them and learned to break them. But that would also require an insane amount of energy, not to mention the knowledge behind such ancient artifacts."

"But who would try that when they know you could detect them from miles away?" Kusakabe countered.

"I wasn't home this past week, and (Y/N) can't detect them," Satoru pointed. "They must have done it then."

"Do you know who was here, then?" Yaga questioned.

"(Y/N) never mentioned visitors. I could always ask her to see," Satoru replied. "Anyways, tell my students they have the next week off. Little impromptu study week. I'm going to find the clowns that started this," Satoru groaned, stretching as he pushed back his chair. "You guys can handle the rest here, yeah? I'm pooped."

"But this is your house-" Yaga protested, but didn't continue as Satoru meandered out the door.

Suguru let him in to his complex at 9:26am, riding up the elevator and walking down the hall to his place. Satoru always envied Suguru whenever he walked into this apartment, that he had a place to be truly his. Well, as much as Mimiko and Nanako, his adoptive daughters, would let him, with their free range on the decorating. Suguru had saved the two of them with Satoru's help from a village that meant to imprison and abuse them. Shortly after, Suguru had bought this place with what money he had amassed over the years, a home for him and the girls, one where they could heal and form a sense of new identity, Suguru included. And for him, that meant taking the two seven year olds under his wing.

Suguru said something about how had he had been going over the reports that Ijichi had dropped off before he arrived, and while Satoru was happy to catch him up, he just wanted to talk to you, see how you were holding up.

"I think she's still sleeping," Suguru informed, probably sensing his unease. "She didn't end up going to bed until early this morning. She wanted to go take a walk, but I convinced her tea would be better. That was at 4am, and I haven't heard her since."

Satoru thanked Suguru, and walked down the narrow hallway to the guest bedroom, one that he had grown accustomed to staying in when the estate felt too big and he felt too lonely. He pried open the door softly, peering through the crack to see your form under the blankets, and stepped inside. He made quiet work of changing out of his uniform, picking out a pair of pajama pants you had folded and neatly packed into his duffel bag before you left, and sat on the edge of the bed opposite of you, the bed creaking under his weight.

He observed how you were curled into a fetal position, your arms wrapped around a pillow (that he instantly grew envious of), and while the sight would have made him smile, he could see the other things too. Your hair looked unkempt and limp, you were still wearing the same clothes, and he couldn't smell your usual vanilla and lavender bath oil, meaning you probably didn't shower. Besides the wanting to take a walk, Suguru never mentioned you wanting to cook or read or maybe even clean, activities that Satoru had known you to do when restless or stressed. You probably only passed out from pure exhaustion.

He hated he couldn't have been here sooner. Hated that he told you to stay inside. Hated he didn't just deal with the problem as soon as possible before they could draw you out like that. Hated that he had just come home and now you both have these other problems to deal with.

He was going to have ask you more questions when you got up too, but for now... he needed sleep. Badly. Didn't even care how much he needed a shower right now or that he was about to sleep next to you in the same bed for the first time.

Satoru got under the blanket, the bed just big enough for there to be about a foot of room between the two of you. He turned on his side and stared at your back, wanting to close that distance so desperately, to pull you right into his chest, into his arms, and to feel your warmth and your breathing against him to remind him that he was next to you, and that you were safe. To feel your hair against his face and neck, your skin underneath his fingertips.

Instead he just stared. And then slept.

When Satoru awoke again, the sun was already setting. As soon as he arose to look for you, Suguru's girls were already dragging him down towards the living room floor to stick butterfly clips and extensions into his hair. It wasn't until he was able to turn in the direction of the kitchen that he saw you stirring something over the stove as Suguru stood next to you, a drink in his hand as he spoke softly. To his surprise, you replied to each thing he said with equal calmness.

Shortly after the two of you had married, Satoru did want to introduce Suguru to you, but after seeing how you reacted to being around just him, he didn't want to put you into a situation you might be uncomfortable with. However, it seems now that maybe Satoru didn't have to worry. You two appeared to have similar personalities anyway. He's surprised he didn't think of that to begin with.

Even as the girls stepped around him from where he sat, Satoru could barely make out the bruises from where Kawate had gripped you whenever you turned to face Suguru, who seemed to have gotten you onto the topic of whatever dinner you were making. Good. Getting your mind off the past 24 hours will help you to better process everything later, when Satoru would inevitably have to ask more questions.

It was odd. Normally, you would let him know you were having visitors coming over the second you knew. Unless since he was gone you decided to not tell him, or maybe they came over unexpectedly? Whoever they were, they would only be able to study the wards from the inside, so anyone who would have visited the estate is a potential suspect. His staff had all been questioned that morning and ruled out as well, so it had to have been anyone you had contact with from outside the estate wards.

And what was Death Immunity-

Satoru's thoughts were interrupted by the girls shoving a handheld mirror in his face for him to look at his new hairdo, the white tuffs of his hair being littered with colorful bits like confetti frosting. "Wow, you two, I'm gorgeous! What's next? My nails? My face?" Satoru exclaimed, touching up his hair and making faces that made the girls squeal in fits of giggles.

"How about dinner?" Suguru chimed in, arms crossed as he stood before the three of them with a smile. In the background, you were busy pouring whatever was in the pot into bowls for the five of you, adding ice cubes into the girls' portions.

Satoru stood, letting Nanako and Mimiko drag him into a chair between the two of theirs as you and Suguru sat across from them. Suguru helped you carry the bowls filled with a veggie and beef stew to the table with glasses of water to drink. The spirited conversation of the children kept the table from going completely silent, which Satoru was thankful for, but he kept his eyes on you throughout most of the meal, watching as you smiled sometimes and nodded but never really gave much input into anything. He knew you were still trying to work through everything that happened. In fact, given your reaction, maybe last night was the closest you've ever actually been to death. The jujustu community had become so desensitized to it that even he forgot to check in on how the view of a smoking corpse or the feeling of a blade to your skin may have affected you.

Soon enough the two of you were beginning to hand wash the dishes, Satoru giving Suguru a thankful nod as he guided Mimiko and Nanako to their rooms when they tried to pull Satoru back to their makeshift salon. You and him fell quickly into a rhythm, with you washing something before handing him it to dry, the light over the dining table behind both of you providing enough visibility.

"Geto is a nice man. Those girls seem to appreciate him as well," you murmured, taking Satoru a little by surprise. He didn't expect you to speak up.

"Yeah, he's a good guy," Satoru replied. "A great sorcerer too as much as he is a dad. I'm lucky he's my best friend."

You hummed and smiled to yourself. "That's good."

After a moment, Satoru snickered, "So, you think he's attractive?"

You furrowed your brow, holding the newly washed dish away from him as you turned your face in his direction. "Satoru, that's not funny."

"You're not denying iiiitt~" he sang, smiling wider and pointing at you with the towel.

"No, I don't think that. Why would you say that?" you muttered sharply, handing him the bowl you had in hand before reaching for the soap to scrub the pot. "Well, you two seemed to be chatting it up over here while you were making dinner," he teased, laughing to himself. He didn't even know why he was asking these things. He knew teasing you was normal, but why about this? Why now? Of course he wanted to take your mind off of things but-

"He was talking to me about you, Satoru," you replied, a slightly hardened look on your face. "I don't want you to think that-"

"Think what? That you might have feelings for someone? Shh, it's okay, I won't tell," he whispered with a laugh. You were talking about him? "Really, (Y/N), your secret-"

"Satoru, why are you asking me this?" you interrupted, handing him the last pot. "Why are you..." You shook your head before continuing, opting to walk to the bedroom you two were sharing. "Wait, (Y/N)-" Satoru set the pot into the sink with the towel, his large steps quickly catching up with you as the two of you stepped through the doorway. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." "I know," you murmured, gently sitting on the bed. "I know you're just... trying to take my mind off of things, which I appreciate. But-"

"Yeah, I shouldn't have done it like that, I know. That was a kinda dick way to do it," Satoru said, scratching that back of his head. You grit your teeth, folding your hands in your lap. "It's okay... I understand." After a pause you added. "I've been worried for Sugar this whole time." "She's okay. We just want to be sure she's safe before we can have custody of her again. And don't worry, Shoko has cats of her own. She knows how to treat them good." Satoru made sure it was Shoko that got to examine Sugar and not someone that would cut her open and dissect her like some common animal. You nodded along to his words, staring at the wall ahead.

"I... the other sorcerers at Jujustu Tech. They wanted me to ask some things... if that's okay. If not we can wait till later-" he began. Maybe be shouldn't bring this up now. "Didn't they already ask me questions?" you muttered. "Yes, but..." Satoru kneeled in front of you were you sat, taking your hands in his. You almost had to stop yourself from letting out a laugh at the butterfly clips still in his hair. "(Y/N), it's imperative that you answer me honestly when I ask this."

Your eyes met his, your eyes narrowing in confusion. "Ask what? What more is there to ask?"

"Was there anyone that visited you during the time I was gone? Anyone that normally would not be at the house?"

Your mouth opened to speak, the answer clearly on the tip of your tongue. "W... why? Do you think they did this? How? Was it not somehow that woman that you-" "I don't know, (Y/N), but what I do know is that if there was anyone you would have known about being on our property that is otherwise not welcome, they may have had a hand in destabilizing our wards, and I want us to be safe so we can return." Satoru squeezed your hands once more. "Was there anyone?"

You bit the inside of your cheek. Once. Twice. You sighed. "My brother, Keisuke."

Your brother? "Why did he come?"

You shook your head. "No, Satoru, he would never do anything like this-"

"(Y/N), I'm not saying he did but I need to start somewhere so that I can ensure that you and our home is safe. You understand, right?" Why were you so defensive suddenly? What did your brother do there?

"It wasn't his fault. There was no way he would have had any involvement! He wouldn't want to-"

Satoru stood. "You were almost kidnapped! You could have died-"

"And so what if I did!"

A beat.

"What."

Your hands clasped over your mouth. You looked like you were about to apologize. Satoru stood. "(Y/N)." Your fists clenched. You were probably holding back tears. "(Y/N). Don't you ever, ever, say something like that about yourself." "I'm sorry-" "Don't apologize," he hushed, now moving to sit beside you, an arm around your shoulders. "Just... you don't have to." The two of you paused for minutes, not saying a word. He suddenly began to feel guilty, both for his teasing and for pressing you for details when the attack barely happened 24 hours ago. Hell, you could have died not too long ago, and now he was treating you like this. "We can talk about this later," Satoru murmured. "It was wrong of me to bring it up." "No... it's alright," you whispered, hands coming to fold in your lap. "I'm sorry for arguing with you and... for my outburst." "Don't sweat it." "Is this what's its like to have an argument? And to then forgive immediately after?" "Yeeeep." He added a little pop at the end. "It feels wrong. But civil. But... wrong." "Well, that's because most arguments just feel wrong. I like to think of them as passionate conversations, albeit sometimes with more hurtful comments or name calling." Satoru stood and started walking to the bathroom. "But we didn't call each other names..." you murmured. "We can right now if you want stinkybutt," he replied, turning to lean against the doorway while crossing his arms. He nodded in your direction. "Okay then... uhm... asswipe." "Woah, bringing out the big guns I see." Satoru placed a hand to his chest as if hurt, a playful grin on his face. "I didn't even know you knew how to curse, old lady!" You dropped your mouth in a playful shock. "Well, I'm just imitating the best potty mouth I know, pompous bitch!" He snickered before firing back. "You little asshole!" "Bastard!" "Fucker!" "Dick!" "Motherfucker!" "Dick for brains!" "Pretty girl..." Your next insult halted in your throat, his little purr of those two words forcing a red shade to your cheeks. Before you could react, he spun into the bathroom and shut the door, locking it with a click. "H-hey, that wasn't fair!" you protested, getting up from where you sat on the bed. "What?! Can't talk right now I'm taking a shit!" he yelled back, the shower turning on immediately afterward. You just shook your head, smiling as you sighed. You changed into your nightgown, figuring you might as well lay down and wait until he was done so you could brush your teeth. Was it really only a few minutes ago that the two of us were fighting? The conversation shifted so quickly. Did he do that on purpose? While almost any argument you had ever had ended quickly, it was almost never forgotten nor forgiven. Its reminders sometimes stayed on your body for days at a time. Either way, you were grateful. He was so good at distracting you from things, even things like near death experiences. Distractions. Was this what this was? You still went to bed feeling lonely each night, but the next day he made you forget that you ever did. Maybe that was all you needed, all that anyone ever needed. To go to bed lonely, wake up, interact, forget, and then remember. You spent so much of your days alone before all of this. Does this mean you've become something normal? Perhaps. But was it still normal to feel incomplete?

You were so busy contemplating and staring at the wall that you didn't notice Satoru beginning to sit on the other side of the bed beside you, hair free of butterfly clips. Your thoughts broke when you heard the bed creak, making you turn over to face him.

His shirtless body was backlit from the brightness of his phone screen as he sat on the edge of the mattress. As he scrolled, you quickly noticed the faint scars that were littered across the impressive expanse of his back. Were they from trainings, or from actual battles? Either way, you were surprised that he had any at all because of his technique. You assumed this whole time that his skin would be completely unblemished from any kind of visible injury. Not that you're thinking much about his skin...

Your thoughts were broken again when he plugged his phone into the charger on the nightstand and turned it off. Despite your panic, you didn't move from how you were laying.

Satoru didn't seem to mind. He stretched his arms above his head, shoulders and biceps flexing, as he turned and got underneath the covers. He snickered when he found you already looking at him. "See something you like?" Satoru muttered deeply, smirking and wiggling his eyebrows for effect.

He didn't need a light to be on to be able to see the color on your cheeks, but he chuckled as you tried to turn away all flustered. "Hey now, I'm just joking. I'm sorry." Satoru placed a hand to your shoulder, motioning for you to face him again. The skin of your shoulder was surprisingly cold, but that didn't take away from its silken feel. You shrugged, biting the inside of your cheek as you murmured an apology.

You'd never shared a bed with anyone in your life. It was odd, but with Satoru, you didn't feel too uncomfortable luckily. You've heard horror stories about other women sharing beds with their husbands. The snoring, the problems with space, being too hot or too cold, too many blankets and pillows or too little, the types of mattresses they preferred, etc. While you did share a bed with him last night, there was no telling if he had any of those issues since you were already asleep when he came to bed.

However, you did remember how he looked when he was still asleep after you woke up. It was... too peaceful of a look for a man that had just killed for you less than 24 hours before.

He had killed for you. And now you were sharing a bed with him.

Killed. Well, you knew way before marrying him that he had done such before. Why does this suddenly change your perception of him?

Yet despite that, you assumed he was a sound sleeper, which you could be thankful for even though you probably will not have to share a bed with him much in the future. It's quite interesting that an attack is what led to you both doing so for the first time. You'd like to wonder what would have had to happen for you to see him asleep like that without the current contexts.

What a weird thing to think about.

"Goodnight (Y/N), sweet dreams." "Goodnight Satoru."

Before long, you were realizing it was going to be very hard for you to fall asleep. You tried counting your breaths to focus on doing so, something that would usually have you out in no time.

You counted up to 256 before deciding to give up.

Your head turned to where Satoru was laying with his back to you, his breaths steady. Once again, your eyes caught the scars of his back that barely peaked over what the blanket covered.

You let out a heavy breath.

"Satoru." "Mmmm?" He's awake. "How did you get the scars on your back?" "Oh y'know," a yawn, "mostly sparring and whatnot. Maybe a curse here or there." "Oh." "Oh?"

You paused a little. "I thought... your technique prevented others from being able to touch you. I thought that..." "That I was indestructible?" He chuckled, his voice low. You shifted a little. "I'm sorry, I-" "No, it's fine. You don't have to apologize for asking." After a moment, Satoru added, "As you probably... have noticed, it's important for me to be able to defend myself without my technique to aid me, to prepare for any worse case scenario. Lot of these are curtesy of Suguru being too rough on me, heh. But... I was never always a full expert when it came to my technique, contrary to what most people believe. I had to become an expert. These just show part of the path to doing it."

You hummed in response.

"But don't worry, they don't call me The Strongest for nothing. I'm fully capable of protecting-" Satoru paused when he felt your fingers brush his shoulder.

Just before he could register it, you quickly moved them away, withdrawing your hand beneath the covers. "I'm sorry, that was inappropriate."

"No," he murmured, shifting himself to face you now, his head propped up by a hand as he reached to grab your hand and place it right over his heart. You stared at where his palm held your fingers against the expanse of his chest, his skin warm and dare you say inviting.

"(Y/N)," he whispered, your open gaze locking onto his sincere one, "just because my technique prevents others from touching me doesn't mean I don't like to be touched."

Your mouth slightly agape, you took in the planes of his handsome face against the rays of a streetlight coming in from the window, hitting the blinds and creating stripes against his face in the dark. One of those stripes hit his eyes, which you took in first, and made your way down, observing the clean slope of his nose, his shaped lips, down the curve of his neck to your hand and back up.

The way Satoru looked at you then, he knew. He knew that you needed him, but not in some passionate or carnal way, but in a way that someone wants cream and sugar in their coffee, or a candle in their book nook on a rainy day. Something familiar, yet more. And even if he had just killed someone yesterday for you, to protect you, he was still the person that you found comfort in each day. That made you feel somewhat worth something more than a last name a potential asset.

"You look cold." The timbre of his voice could have probably warmed you from the inside out, but only for a moment.

"Yes, I think so."

"Then c'mere pretty girl."

Did Satoru expect last night to go the way it did? Definitely not. But when he felt you take the little extra initiative to barely touch his back, he knew he had to make it go that way.

He didn't anticipate or really want anything more than just the cuddling. It didn't take long for you to warm up and fall asleep, listening to the sound of his heart. He was surprised that you didn't ask why it was beating so fast, let alone fall asleep as swiftly as you did while having to hear it.

But he was right, your body did fit perfectly against his. Your head had rested against him sweetly, cushioned by that spot between his chest and shoulder. His arms had wrapped around you, his hands finding purchase on your back and waist. The position of his chin on your head gave him perfect access to kiss your forehead if he wanted to, but he didn't want to push the boundaries too far.

Okay, maybe he ended up giving you two anyway. He tried to hold out and lasted probably about 30 minutes. He just couldn't help it! Not to mention, you smelled so good-

He was half tempted to give you another one right now as you two lay here the next morning, with you still blissfully unconscious. On the nightstand behind you two, your phone began to buzz with a call. Whoever was trying to get you awake right now could go to hell. He didn't want this moment to end.

However, even after the person had called you another time, and then proceeded to leave four more texts, Satoru figured he would see what the fuss was about.

He strained to reach behind him, careful not to disturb your slumber, as he grabbed your phone from the nightstand. Turning it on, he smiled at the already established lock screen of Sugar before noticing the messages.

Keisuke Kamo

Hey, glad to hear you're alright. Just heard about the attack last night.

Keisuke Kamo

I know I had just visited recently, but we need to talk. In person, preferably.

Keisuke Kamo

Just call me back when you can so we can set something up. Please bring Gojo Satoru with you too.

Keisuke Kamo

Please (Y/N). This is serious...

Turns out Satoru wouldn't be able to enjoy your brief solace for much longer.

Tags: @leonora13x @cole-silas @feeiry @mysuperrainbow @tw0fvced @emptybrain01 @xixiwang @drilled-brain @lvieee @xxkoyukixx @we-loveebony @sereniteav @ilovecoyotepeterson10 @baby--vera @jebemticeluporodicu @louannfox @tqd4455 @stxrrielle @rebirth-of-destruction @yoichiislovie @thesoftugly @gojonegs

thanks for being patient <3

[captainpikeachu]

I don't know why Tumblr decided years later to tell me there is a response to me for this post. But since I see your response now, it is only fair I give a full response in return since I did not address some things in my short reply.

Regarding your comment on Anakin having not seen Palpatine for years, that is actually not true. In canonical comics and novels, we know that the Jedi allowed Palpatine to be a mentor to Anakin since he was a young boy. They have interacted numerous times for years, and this is why by the time of Attack of the Clones, Anakin and Palpatine already have a relationship, why Palpatine says "your patience has paid off" and Anakin answers "your guidance more than my patience". Because they have been interacting, because Palpatine has been whispering in Anakin's ear for years.

Now again, this is not to say that Anakin can't be responsible for the choices that he does make. But we can't ignore that Palpatine actively manipulated, exploited, and groomed Anakin. And that influence does matter in the context of this story. This isn't just Anakin on his own going off the handle, this is someone for whom life has already been a struggle, who already feels isolated even among his fellow Jedi and then Palpatine comes in to carefully and slowly over the years pouring fuel on the fire before it becomes an inferno.

And as for Padme's reaction to Anakin's revelation about the Tuskens, she was shocked, she was clearly thrown off, but note that she takes a moment before she considers her next words, because she can see that Anakin is crying, upset, and clearly feeling conflict and guilt over what he did. So yes, she says to be angry is to be human, because saying "You're insane!" is hardly going to actually resolve this situation. This isn't Anakin all proud and happy going LOOK I KILLED ALL OF THEM! If that was the case, then yes, Padme's reaction would not be appropriate. But Anakin wasn't proud, he was angry, he was upset, he even says he should have behaved better than what he did. It's clear to Padme that Anakin recognizes the wrong in what he did, but he lost sight of that in the heat of moment because of the murder of his mother. And sure, we see the signs as an outsider with a clear perspective, but there is a reason that people within a relationship has a harder time seeing things clearly. To Padme, she is seeing that young boy who was a slave torn away from his mother, she is seeing and understanding where that rage and anger would come from, and she is seeing that he feels conflicted and guilty, not proud. So she tries to help, she tries to de-escalate. She also wants to see the best in Anakin, the same way that we all want to see the best in the people closest to us.

And in any case, whether Padme and Anakin would have had a happy future with the twins, it doesn't change the fact that they deserved a chance, they deserved a chance to figure things out and have a life with their children.

---------------------------

And regarding your other comments in the original post. I wanted to address some things.

I really find it distasteful to compare two women through saying one is better because she was willing to die to have a child while the other couldn't stay alive for her children. It oversimplifies a lot of things, particuarly regarding emotional trauma, and it is blaming Padme for her own death. It is in many ways painting a woman as vapid and shallow for dying of a "broken heart" instead of being alive for her children, and then effectively implying that it makes her a bad mother and that's why she doesn't deserve to have her children with her and they should be raised by someone else. Maybe you don't mean to come off that way, but it just comes across as very unsympathetic to the ways emotional trauma can affect a person. Someone losing the will to live after being dealt with a huge emotional trauma (the collapse of her entire world, both everything she fought for and the life she wanted with Anakin and their family) does not mean she was choosing to just abandon her children. And having seen people waste away and die because of "heartbreak" from losing a partner, as silly as that might seem to some, it's not something people just choose to do (like depression) or that they just up and decided to abandon their other loved ones, including kids because they weren't fighting hard enough for them to stay. Trauma doesn't fit in a neat little box with a rule book, and the way you have framed Padme's death in this as a negative mark against her just rubs me the wrong way.

As for Bail not being able to stand up after being told his daughter was killed versus Anakin torturing Leia, this is just missing the context that Bail knew it was his daughter and Anakin didn't. If Anakin had still done torturing even though he knew Leia was his daughter, then this comparison would be more valid and fair.

And as for "Breha and Bail put themselves in danger by adopting Leia selflessly" - I'm not saying they didn't do a good thing or that it wasn't dangerous, but it also wasn't entirely selfless. They wanted a child and they got one. It would be more selfless if they had not intended to have any kids but took Leia in anyways. Ultimately, this opportunity gave them something THEY wanted.

Lastly, I'll just reiterate what I said before, both sets of parents are valid, and Breha and Bail clearly did a great job raising Leia, as Owen and Beru did for Luke, but Leia and Luke clearly also did inherit good qualities from their biological parents, qualities that both sets of adoptive parents nurtured and helped to blossom, qualities that ultimately led them to saving the galaxy. I would never want to remove Breha/Bail and Owen/Beru from Leia and Luke's lives, but I would also always stand up to say that Anakin and Padme deserved a chance to have a life with their children. Maybe it wouldn't have been a perfectly idyllic and romantic life, but they still deserved a chance.

"Anakin and Padme deserved to raise their twins"

Breha Organa literally suffered at least 5 miscarriages and was willing to die for her children, and almost die with her last miscarriage.

Bail Organa literally couldn't stand up straight after being told her daughter was killed.

Breha and Bail put themselves in danger by adopting Leia selflessly.

While:

Anakin murdered women and children BEFORE Palpatine's manipulation and his fall to the dark side and tortured his own daughter.

Padme not only didn't care Anakin killing children, but she die because she was heartbroken after Anakin turning bad, leaving two babies who needed her.

NO, I WOULDN'T CHANGE BAIL AND BREHA ORGANA AS LEIA'S PARENTS FOR ANYTHING

[thy-lovelylionheart]

the timing of Mike telling Will that asking him to be his friend is “the best thing I’ve ever done,” cannot be understated

Mike says this after:

All of the trauma of s1

Bob’s death

The trauma of the lab massacre

Mike seemingly accepting that El is dead (he tells Max that she was taken “just like Bob”—and Bob is dead, meaning in that moment he is talking about El as if she’s truly dead for the first time)

Will is fully possessed, tied up, possibly close to being consumed completely

And because Mike becomes entangled with the UD narrative because of his connection to Will, because of his desire to find Will when he went missing, it stands to reason that, had he never become Will’s friend, he never would’ve become entangled with the UD (maybe tangentially through Nancy, if Barb was still taken & killed) and would have never gone through those traumas (again, besides Barb)

So by telling Will, after all this trauma, that befriending him is “the best thing I’ve ever done,” Mike is telling him,

“Even with everything that’s happened, I don’t regret befriending you. Even with all the trauma and loss, asking you to be my friend is the best thing I’ve ever done. I don’t regret it. I don’t regret you. In spite of everything, I would do it all over again.”

And again, this is after Mike has accepted that El is dead (he’s wrong, but he still accepted it).

[somuchbetterthanthat]

Every season Jons were in dire need of a kitten thrown into their lap to care for, but I do believe S2!Jon and S4!Jon might have been the most fixed by getting one.

Now, don't get me wrong, S1 Jon might be nicer to Martin faster, but he would still be firmly in denial that he's being watched whenever he reads a spooky statement, Prentiss would still happen, etc. S3!Jon HAS a cat, sort of, at least for a moment, in so far as the Admiral and him hang out, but he doesn't have the responsability of a cat, and might actually be more worried about the poor cat if he did so, because his life consists of being burnt, almost killed, and kidnapped during that whole season. the kitten MIGHT still help for the Trauma post-Nikola that he can't acknowledge beyond making a sad joke at his not-quite-boyfriend, though. S5 Jon would have a kitten who is probably not quite a kitten anymore. Now, he would still love it to death, but Martin might get uneasy, and it might bring more tension, and we don't really need that.

S2!Jon though?? I mean, yes, he MIGHT bring the cat with him on his sneaky adventures to spy on coworkers, but what if the cat gets lost?? and it would mean he has to come home to feed the little thing in general. which means being away from the institute a bit more, which means away from the influence of the eye and not!sasha slightly more, which means the paranoia might be eased SOMEWHAT. Harder to believe your friend Tim Stoker, who had zero reason to kill Gertrude Robinson, actually killed Gertrude Robinson and also wants to kill you, if you're safe at home at cuddling a little kitten and Tim Stoker just sent you the heart eye emoji after you grudgingly sent him a pic.

I trust I don't have to explain why S4 Jon needed the little kitten. OBVIOUSLY S4 Jon needed the little kitten. By GODS someone gives S4 Jon a little kitten.

[bots-and-cons]

Can I please have some Cybertronian!Reader comforting Starscream after a nightmare? Possibly after the Predacons Rising ending cause that's gotta be traumaTM

A/N:I’ve been having quite a lot of bad dreams lately, so this fits the theme too I guess lol. I honestly don’t remember much about the movie, so I didn’t base this on it. Screamer isn’t my favorite even though he’s grown on me over the years, and this might be a bit (or a lot) OOC, and Idk if it ended up very good but I don’t care. I’ve been trying to write this for over two weeks so this will have to do

You’d been on a mission, but when you got back to the habsuite you shared with Starscream, he was already recharging. You smiled gently as you looked at him, but as he turned in his sleep you saw he had a pained look on his face. You sat on the berth next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, hoping to wake him up gently.

Starscream sprung up from the berth the second you touched him, and before he even realized what he’d done, he had shot at you. He was just standing there, pointing his blaster at you with a panicked look in his optics.

“Star, it’s me, it’s me” you said calmly as he was still pointing his blaster at you.

You’d dodged his shot, just barely, but you were much more worried about him than you were for your slightly fried audial fin.

“(Name)?” Starscream asked with a wavering voice.

He looked at you, then his blaster and then back to you, before putting his blaster away and sitting back down on the edge of the berth. He was hanging his head, refusing to look at you.

“Another nightmare?” you asked, slowly reaching your hand towards his.

Starscream just nodded as he let you take his hand. Your presence calmed him and your touch even more so.

“Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine” Starscream said a bit dismissively. He would much rather not talk about it.

He’d always had quite frequent nightmares, but it had gotten a lot worse recently. You weren’t really surprised, he had enough trauma for multiple lifetimes. It would have been a miracle if he didn’t have some bad dreams. It wasn’t very often that he had this bad of a reaction to being woken up. You knew he didn’t mean to hurt you, but you were always prepared to dodge a blaster shot or block a hit.

“Star, please be honest with me. I can see you’re rattled by whatever the dream was about”

“Why must you always insist? Why do you always pry into things?” Starscream hissed.

“You know why. It’s because I love you and you need to talk it out. It’s gonna keep bothering you otherwise”

Starscream outwardly disliked your prying, but he loved the fact that you cared so much, he loved that you cared for him. Not that he would have ever said that out loud. Love was something that was certainly not abundant among the decepticons. There might have been a flicker sometimes, but certainly not towards him, nor from him. Starscream hadn’t known much of it in his life in general, not before he met you anyway. You were the first person to ever care about him, for who he was, not for what he could offer. The first person to ever comfort him after a nightmare, to stay by his side until he fell into recharge mode again when he had calmed down. The first one to hold him with love, instead of some ulterior motive or with violent intentions.

“Pry again later. I would like to rest now” Starscream stated tiredly.

“Fine, I will. I’m tired too, so we can just recharge together” you sighed in defeat.

You knew there was no point in trying to argue with him once he’d made up his mind, so you didn’t. You would just have to pry more later.

Starscream might not have shown it or said it, but he did appreciate all you did for him. He loved you, even if he only rarely actually said it to you. Maybe one day, if you were still with him, the nightmares would be a thing of the past. No Megatron, no war, no running or fighting for your lives, just you and him. Perhaps that day would come one day, but for now, it was time to rest, hopefully without more nightmares.

[the-iron-queen]

So. Listen.

What this scene gave to me is that what happened totally ran out of Bison's control.

At first glance, yes, it makes sense that someone threatened to be shot will take their chances by jumping into the water. However.

Bison knows Kant as someone who always has an answer to everything, even if half of them are lies.

Bison at least somewhat knows Kant as an instinctual survivor, even if Kant doesn't directly show that side of himself to Bison.

Bison is at this point very sure he knows how Kant will react in a given moment, simply because his knee-jerk mode is always the same. He always has an answer, he always tries to appease, he will in any case reassure Bison of his own feelings for him, no matter the situation.

So all of this put together, for Bison it was 100% to be expected that Kant would reassure him, and even more important react to him beyond a "please calm down".

I know people have slightly different interpretations of why Kant was checked out so hard, so I am going on my own interpretation here. I know from personal experience what having a deep-sitting trauma being triggered feels like - and i don't even know how bad it must be with flashbacks triggered, which Kant seemed to experience as well. To me, that's what I saw happening with Kant. His mind was so consumed by his trauma and fear at that moment that he wasn't able to deal with Bison, or the gun, or the questions.

And while Bison probably used his knowledge of Kant generally being afraid of the ocean to put more pressure on him while holding him at gunpoint and questioning him, he pretty sure didn't expect to have the situation go out of hand so easily. Overall he set the situation up to be able so that he would be able to interrogate Kant (even if it was only about his feelings, but he might have pressed for motives etc if he actually had gotten any answers). But Kant only asked him for Bison to please take him away from the situation at hand, and beyond that he didn't get any answers, he didn't get any reactions beyond Kant being scared to death - but the primary source of that fear was pretty obviously not himself.

Bison being already incredibly frustrated and hurt and betrayed and probably incredibly conflicted over what to do with Kant and especially the situation defaulted to threats, because that is probably how he usually gets answers.

Kant meanwhile had most of his mind being eaten by the incredible despair of being faced with the full force of his (most likely completely untreated) trauma, and in such moments it's hard to even grasp a proper thought, or follow your usual instincts. And when faced with a command at gunpoint by the person he both loves and betrayed so badly, it was probably the easiest to relent, to give in and take that step to just have things end somehow. Standing up to being shot would probably have needed resolve that he didn't have anymore at that moment. So he jumped.

I am 100% sure that Bison didn't expect that, based on every way he knows Kant. And we know that Bison is a person who needs control. This situation though that by all means should have been completely under his control spiraled out of said control so fast that Bison wasn't able to stop it.

I honestly wouldn't be the tiniest bit surprised if the first thing that Bison will do next episode is throw away the gun, dive after Kant and try to rescue him while asking him why he jumped, why he didn't fight back over and over and over.

Khaotung Thanawat as Bison (The Heart Killers, 2024-2025)

[little-mrs-morales]

Public Enemy

Dieter Bravo x PA F!Reader

Summary: Dieter is dramatic about another meme moment from his life.

Warning: lot of Fluff!

"I'm public enemy number one," Dieter moaned dramatically, sprawling across the couch in your shared trailer. A green Sheraton robe slipped off his shoulder in his typical over-the-top fashion. "Did you see the comments? They're calling me a monster! A child kicker! A baby dropper!"

You barely looked up from your phone, scrolling through the endless barrage of emails from PR. Another day, another Bravo scandal. "You didn't kickt he kid, Dieter. You tripped, the kid tripped. Both of you ended up face down on the sidewalk. It's not like you threw them into traffic."

"It doesn’t matter what actually happened!" He sat up, clutching the edge of the robe like a scandalized Victorian widow. "What matters is how it looks! Have you seen the memes? My face is everywhere! There's one of me Photoshopped as a soccer player about to score—"

"Yeah, I’ve seen it," you interrupted chuckling, holding up your phone to show him. "You’re not even in the top 20 trending topics anymore. Taylor Swift’s cat has taken over."

Dieter squinted at the screen like you’d just insulted his entire existence."Wait, I’m not in the top 20? People don’t even care that I kicked a kid?"

"You didn’t kick the kid!" you repeated, your patience fraying at the edges. "And no, they don’t care. The world has moved on, as it always does. You’re not public enemy number one. You’re not even close."

He slumped back against the couch, deflated. "Well, that’s... disappointing. I thought at least I’d get some kind of villain arc out of this."

You couldn’t help but laugh, the sound breaking through his pitiful pout. Setting your phone down, you crossed the room and dropped onto the couch beside him. "Relax, Dieter. You’re not a villain. You’re just… clumsy. And honestly? That kid tripped first. If anything, they should be apologizing to you." 

His eyes lit up like a child being told they could have dessert before dinner. "You think so?" 

"No," you deadpanned, pushing his shoulder lightly. "But I think we can spin this. You’ve got a puppy calendar shoot next week. We’ll post a few pictures, make people forget about the kid thing. Puppies fix everything."

Dieter groaned, flopping dramatically against you. "Fine. But only if you promise to get me one of those puppies after the shoot. I need emotional support after this trauma."

"Trauma?" You rolled your eyes, fighting back a smile. "You tripped on the sidewalk. The kid's probably forgotten about it already."

"Yeah, but the memes will live forever," he muttered into your shoulder. 

You sighed, patting his head like the overgrown child he was. "And so will your career, Dieter. Now stop sulking. We’ve got work to do."

For a moment, he was quiet, his head resting comfortably on your shoulder. Then, in typical Dieter fashion, he whispered, "You’ll still love me when I’m canceled, right?"

You didn’t even hesitate. "Dieter, you’re not even in the top 20 reasons people are mad today. You are not gonna get canceled. Definitely not after the puppy calendar."

He grinned, a spark of his usual mischief returning. "Or… I can make a nude calendar," he added, shifting to lay across the couch and dropping his head dramatically into your lap. "I mean, I’m hot as hell. People would eat that up."

You smacked his forehead lightly, earning an exaggerated groan. "Ow! Rude!" he whined, tilting his head to pout at you. "And you can’t even deny it. You do love the nudes I send when we’re apart!"

Your hand instinctively moved to his messy hair, smoothing it out in slow strokes. "Dieter," you warned, trying not to smile. 

He caught the faint curve of your lips and smirked. "See? You can’t deny it. You’re blushing." 

"I am not blushing," you countered, your fingers still threading through his wild curls. 

"You are," he teased, closing his eyes and sinking further into your touch. His voice dropped into a theatrical sigh. "But even if you weren’t, I’d forgive you. Because I’m a generous man. A kind man. A man who loves you even when you’re mean to me."

You rolled your eyes, your fingers gently tugging at his hair. "You’re impossible."

He opened one eye, the corner of his mouth quirking up. "Yeah, but I’m your impossible." 

Your teasing expression softened. "You are. And I love you, ridiculousness and all." 

That took the wind out of his dramatics. For a moment, his grin faltered, replaced by something more genuine. "Good," he murmured, his voice quieter now. "Because I love you too."

You smiled, brushing a stray curl from his forehead. "And you’re stuck with me."

"Best decision of your life," he quipped, though his words held none of his usual bravado. He closed his eyes again, his body finally relaxing in your lap. 

As your fingers continued to stroke his hair, he added with a sleepy grin, "Now, about that nude calendar…"

You smacked his shoulder lightly, shaking your head with a laugh. 

"See? Mean to me, wanted one for your eyes only" he mumbled, already halfway to sleep. 

And for once, the world outside didn’t matter. Just you, Dieter, and the soft rhythm of your breathing together. 

[winpocalypse]

still thinking about your tags on this post. dean is just so wolf coded. “if i didn’t know you, i’d wanna hunt you” and him hunting sam down after sam escaped from the panic room, his enjoyment of hunting & violence (the brutal killing of a vampire in bloodlust, torturing souls in hell) are my fave examples. but also yes loyalty to the family and demand for obedience

don't even get me started!!!!!!

like, wolves are so family oriented and usually their communication is top tier, their cooperation in hunting is crazy (hello!!!), they don't usually reach violence for discipline (uh oh), a few key behaviors communicate well who's dominant in the pack and they're good at reading cues to know how to engage or not to engage, unless they want a fight. their fights are usually between different packs (that goes hard in the "if i didn't know you, i'd wanna hunt you" like!!!!! yeah!!!!! he's so pissed but because of family he's trying not to go for the kill).

but you know that study that perpetuated the myth of the alpha wolf? there's no such thing as the alpha wolf in wild wolves, it's usually just a family and the breeding pair, the parents, are the ones in charge. but if you take a bunch of wolves, put them in captivity without their natural structure, they bound to fight and one of them rises as the "alpha wolf". also in captivity they kind of trauma bond in a way (using that term loosely just so we can see the parallel). in the wild young wolves can go their own ways, find a family of their own, packs are fluid, but in captivity? that's not an option, so they knit tight together and when one leaves or dies, the other(s) can follow just because they can't deal with the absence in this enviroment that's already so out of their control (you see where i'm going!!!!)

so think about dean not having the proper socialization, the proper structure, the way all the key natural instincts are there: loyalty to family, the need for some hierarchy, discipline and social bonds. they're all there, but he didn't get the social cues down, so in a scenario with wild healthy wolves, one would pin the other down, maybe show some teeth just so they establish their position in the pack (and he does that), but if they're not used to communicating properly, maybe the one wolf being dominant bites down when he should not be doing it. that causes confusion and fights, because it's a break of trust! (he also does that)

what i'm saying is: dean is a captivity/not properly socialized wolf and that means he's more agressive and a lot more unhealthy about his bond to his family <3

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Arc 2 Timing Analysis: Birthday Edition

We all know that arc 2 began on July 15th, Callum's birthday. But let's see exactly how long it lasted!

I've combed S7 for moon phases - the most accurate way we have to tell time in the show - and it looks like S7 encompasses two full months between Aaravos getting free and Aaravos' death.

Here are the moons I've found:

S6 ended with a full moon, which allowed Rayla to jump into the Moon Nexus and retrieve Runaan's torn soul. Runaan and Aaravos were both resurrected just before dawn.

S7 begins just after dawn that next day. Callum leaves for Katolis Castle in the morning, but I don't think he arrives for a few days. He lands at the castle the same day that Corvus, Aanya, and Ezran arrive all the way from the Sunfire camp. And that night - the only night everyone is there together, according to Ezran's decision to move to the Banther Lodge the next morning - is the night that Runaan and Rayla arrive on foot. When they do, the moon looks like this:

It's in its last quarter, which is something like a week and a half after the full moon. Runaan was even slower than the kids in S1, going between the castle and the nexus! And apparently Soren had the ruins to himself for a while. Surely that didn't cause him any extra stress or trauma!

E3 didn't have any moons in it, and although Claudia spent one night waiting for the Moon Primal Stone to circle the planet, the sky was full of rainbows and we don't get to see when exactly that happened. But she, Terry, and Aaravos did a lot of traveling, to the Puzzle House in E2 and then following the map they found there.

Rayla, Callum, and Runaan were also traveling for all of E3, arriving in the Silvergrove for E4. They're in the Silvergrove for approximately two weeks, but no more than a month, judging by statements Runaan and Ethari make. Then Astrid flies in during E5 with this moon behind her:

A waning gibbous moon. This means that during the two weeks in the Silvergrove, a full moon has come and gone. Using moon math, we learn that it took Runaan, Rayla, and Callum roughly a week to zoom to the Silvergrove, using Callum's cool motorboat spell whenever they could.

E6 shows us the half moon when Claudia and Aaravos invert the Moon Nexus:

On this night, Aaravos' avatar gets destroyed by Aanya. He seems to wake in his true-size form that very night. And here is where time gets a little hard to track, but I've done my best.

According to Ezran's timeline, his forces pin Aaravos to the ground right after the Star Touch exits the water. I think he was pinned there for much more than a single day, though, for two reasons: Aaravos had to wait for the spirits Claudia had freed to reach him, and Ethari's magic arrow had to carry Callum's letter across Xadia to Ezran, explaining the plan.

The previous moon was Astrid's waning gibbous, and the final moon we see before Aaravos' death is a moon just shy of full again, the night he frees himself from Ezran's chains, strides across all of Xadia, and heads toward the corrupted ruins of Lux Aurea.

This puts his captivity at Ezran's hands at just over three weeks! Which is about the same amount of time that the Silvergrove Squad had to accomplish their various missions and send all their combatants to Lux Aurea, too.

From the Silvergrove, Rayla had to fly to the Storm Spire for that blue jewel, then to the summoning point for Domina Profundis, then to Lux Aurea. Callum and Runaan had to fly to Akiyu's secret cove, then to Lux Aurea. Ethari had to reach Umber Tor, but he got to go home safely afterward. It was Rex Igneous who had to travel to Lux Aurea underground. And Astrid had to fly to the Sunfire camp and speak to Janai and Amaya, who had to convince Karim to help them, before they all could leave for Lux Aurea. Corvus, Soren, and Terry had less time to fetch Zubeia and reach Lux Aurea than the others did, but they still managed to arrive on time.

Some of those journeys sure sound shorter than others, but nevertheless, all these humans, elves, and dragons arrived in Lux Aurea on the morning of the day the moon would be full once more.

By noon, several of them were dead.

The rest of E9 covers an indeterminate amount of time. Our only milestones are Callum still saying "seven years" after the archdragon memorial has been built, and Miyana having her (very small) babies with her at Evrkynd's ceremony some while after that. We can guess somewhere in the range of "several months" after Aaravos' defeat, but it's hard to get more specific than that.

But with the consistent use of the full moon marking the end of every season in arc 2, as well as a specific start date for S4, we should be able to pinpoint the exact date of Aaravos' death.

is this going where I think it's going, let's find out

S4 & S5: July 15 - August 13 (Viren's 30 days)

S6: August 14 - September 12

S7: September 13 - November 11

Yeah. Thought so.

Even though Xadia has the same calendar we do, the show uses a rounded-up 30-day moon cycle. They planned for arc 2 to begin on Callum's birthday, July 15, and end on Aaravos' birthday on November 11. It's hard to beat that parallel - Callum and Aaravos anchoring both ends of an entire arc in the saga!

Happy TDP Birthday, Aaravos. Welcome to the Horrible Sad Birthday Club! RIP

[moominmanoneandonly]

I present to you my favorite love piramid!

The three genders: Malewife, Furry and Gaslight

Like, you do not realize how insane this shit is. The green guy/Sakuya is probably like the most brain changing character to me couse like..

What do you mean you can brainwash an entire school district? What do you mean you can be remebered as a school klown and a social butterfly by everybody just like that

What do you mean you saw a guy once, trought he's cool(pretty gay btw) and make him believe you are his childhood best friend and that you bonded over lost parents and that you are his everything?!!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE A SHRINE OF THAT GUY, AND ARE A CONFIRMED YANDERE

What do you mean your backstory is having your older sister pushed from the balcony by your parents for insurance money and then them doing the same to you?!

What do you mean you stuck in the war between your found family who slowly going insane and the love of your life?!

Like sakuya is such an insane character, he should be on some power scaling list for sure. And the fact that Mahiru still wanted to have him as a friend after all that is amazing.

HOW ARE THEY NOT CANON?!!

+ kuromahi of course since they are the main characters

They got that old married couple dynamic perfected and get to trauma bond half of the time.

Just three biches who would rather die than deal with their problems. They deserve each other

The fact that this manga is under "horror" is the biggest 4ss pull I ever seen. Just an avarage gay person experience. You never had a sin of Sloth sleep in your house and had to handle his family drama while your worldview entirely colapses, you start to question morality of imortality, some deppresed dude tries to become an only child and your best friend turns out to be a creep? Clearly you're not gay enough.

[average-mako-enjoyer]

I really don't want to sound like I'm trying to correct you or impose my view of the canon on you, that's not my intention. It's just one of the things I love about writing in Mass Effect, and it's really important to me personally.

These games definitely suffer from the "The Protagonist Is A Unique, Special Snowflake Chosen One Destined To Save The World" syndrome, and sometimes it's pretty lame, and sometimes it's so lame that I physically need it to be retconned somehow. But there are some clever narrative choices, and the way Shepard's squadmate arcs are tied into this Chosen One theme is one of them.

So Shepard has all these different dynamics with different characters. For them Shepard is a mentor figure, or just an employer, or a friend, or a partner in crime, or a mentee, or an older sibling, etc.

Some of Shepard's relationships change and deepen over the course of the trilogy, some stay the same, but what's interesting about all of this is that for no one, for none of these characters, is Shepard the center of the universe. Everyone has their own life apart from Shepard, everyone has their own goals that don't revolve around their relationship with Shepard, and that's a good thing.

Both Liara and Garrus do not fall apart after Shepard's death; they continue to pursue the goals they set for themselves over the course of ME1.

After Shepard's death, Garrus returns to C-Sec for a brief moment, but he has already tasted the freedom of the Spectre authority, so he cannot go back to being a cop. He's after all the ends-justify-the-means squadmate, the bragging-about-how-good-I-am-at-torturing-suspects squadmate, the violence-is-the-ultimate-solution-to-the-world's-problems squadmate, so of course he goes to the most unlawful place in the galaxy. Not because he's falling apart or because he's suicidal, but because he desperately wants to be a hero and a leader, and to not be constrained by the law. That's what he always wanted, long before he met Shepard.

Yes, Shepard definitely affected him on a personal level, he even tries to form his own Shepard's Squad (and pushes them too far), but he moves on.

Liara's arc is more nuanced, that's for sure. So we know that she's very driven, she can be very focused on a problem and systematically look for the solution. She is, after all, a Dr. T'Soni. She's also Benezia's daughter.

In ME1, Liara is a wallflower, right? She has her niche research, she goes on digs, she tries not to get involved in the politics, and then everything changes. She almost gets kidnapped by Saren, who wants both an expert on Prothean culture and a bargaining chip against Benezia, she realizes that her mother is involved with that lunatic, and she tries to rectify that somehow.

The ending of ME1 for her is avenging her mother. When you take her to the final mission against Saren, she's the one who shoots him in the head. And yeah, I think that drastic change and trauma breaks her a little bit. Also, Shepard was her first mind meld, and it all happened at a time when she was extremely vulnerable, so she gets a little too attached to them (I won't comment on this creative choice).

The armor under the glass thing is not healthy, it's not okay, but she hasn't fallen apart and she's not stuck. She's still Dr. T'Soni, she's an incredibly driven individual, she does an insane amount of work without Shepard, not even believing they could be resurrected.

What really happened with Shepard's squad after their death is just grief. They are all still living their lives, pursuing their goals, forming new relationships, but they are also grieving.

Grief for Shepard is not the driving force for any of them, and that's great.

Unromanced Kaidan/Ashley in ME2: I tried to move on after your death, Shepard, but I just couldn't. Your death broke me in more ways than you can imagine. Losing you was like losing a limb.

Fandom:

Just please exclude characters you never bothered to interact with or understand from your "analysis". You can just love the characters and not try to make those comparisons, really. You don't have to.

[br4inzz]

From the short time i’ve been in the ii fandom i’ve noticed that a lot of ppl stereotype paper as a weak helpless little twink but i don’t think he’s that at all!!!! I mean he has proven to be not only physically capable, (he’s lifted OJ over his head and tossed him into a lake, held an entire boat, held onto a soaking wet metal pole, RIPPED PICKLE IN HALF 😭 which yes ik 2/4 were done by evil paper but it is still his body so that means he IS capable of doing these actions)

but also emotionally strong!! His entire character arc consists of battling with his trauma induced mental illness due to being locked away for months which he ends up “conquering” on his own.

I say that he did this on his own because the contestants (and mephone) did not care about paper’s issue besides when they were threatened to be hurt by him. Some characters (apple, bow) even going so far to trigger paper on purpose because they found it entertaining. OJ was pretty much the only exception to this, he showed paper that he would be willing to be support for him with their alliance but then it grew into more than just that. He began to actually worry for paper’s well-being.

ANYWAY, personality wise, paper is not a pathetic spineless baby either. He has shown to talk back to other contestants when he’s feeling wronged or just feeling like being rude (LOL). A great example of this is when bow and paper are the last two being up for rejoining the game:

What he IS though is a friendly guy who’s expressive with his feelings and takes responsibility for his actions. However paper has gained more aggressive behavior due to the treatment he endured on the show by other characters. He is not soft spoken or afraid to speak his mind. Although he can be seen as anxious at times it’s mainly caused by his ptsd (which is a totally reasonable reaction). I’d even go so far to suggest him as bold yet oblivious like he doesn’t think about what he does until after he has done them. It’s like paper’s mouth just runs faster than his mind at times.

Example, paper drinking the orange juice box in front of OJ while he’s sick from the lack of juice in his glass:

He ends up apologizing for this by allowing OJ to win the safety in their next challenge which shows his compassion for others, although he is still kinda self centered (lol) but not out of a place of malice. Overall, he seems like he’s just a soft character (which he kinda is) but people neglect to mention how strong he really is!!!!