#I mean hinging your self worth on it is not good or healthy and when a post doesn't get traction that is just fine!

[rainyjackalope]

I'm ngl I love posting new art here bc I love the attention so much. I'm like a dog that brought something into a room full of people and they're all praising me for my very good job and my tail is wagging so hard

[whentherewerebicycles]

michelle and my dad both independently said that the “frantic desire to jump in and fix stuff and save people from failing” sounds like my mom (it definitely is) and then after I hung up with my dad I was thinking more about where that instinct comes from and it made me kinda sad. my mom grew up in an environment where failure was not tolerated, and where making mistakes or messing up even in small ways meant that you were irredeemably bad and stupid, or even (depending on the nature of the mistake) a wicked and evil person. to mess up meant that you were worthless and everyone around you would look at you and know that. and her father was always so much more interested in pointing out other people’s mistakes (perhaps especially his own family’s) and heaping scorn upon them instead of helping them learn or giving them support in trying again.

I feel like sometimes when I reflect on my childhood I think, oh I wish my mom hadn’t spent so much of her life jumping in to try to rescue me from logical consequences, I wish she had let me fail more often, I think I would have been less terrified of failure and less inclined to hinge my sense of self-worth on external achievement & validation. and I do wish that was true because I think that’s probably just a better way to raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted kids who can handle setbacks without shattering. but I can see it too as an act of love, even if not the ‘best’ way to express it. if you have internalized so, so deeply the idea that messing up or failing at something meant having to feel small and utterly worthless, then it’s an act of love to try desperately and instinctively to shield your children from ever experiencing that—to say, on some level: no, I won’t let you feel the way I felt, that’s not the childhood I want for you, I want you to be good and valued and loved. but of course, of course, you can’t live like that, you can’t live a life without failure, and children absorb your terror of making mistakes without understanding the dense tangle of feelings and experiences out of which it grew, and that unconscious absorption spawns its own murky subterranean forms of shame, related to yours yet distinct from it, a dense tangle of feelings they will have to spend their own lives untangling.

a few days ago my mom texted me a book about parenting that she’d heard about on npr, and she said “you’ll see every mistake we made, but we were doing the best we could with what we knew then. I wish I could have shown you kids that it was okay to fail, instead of thinking that making mistakes would destroy your lives.” and one of the things I said to her was that one of the great gifts she’s given me as a parent is that she’s let me see how much she’s changed and grown over the last ten years in particular. she’s shown me it’s okay to work hard to let go of the painful parts of the past and to become someone different, happier, more compassionate than the person you were. and (though I didn’t say this part to her) I know she doesn’t always see that as an act of love or good parenting; I think she sees it sometimes as another variety of failure, or as a way of trying to make up—too little, too late—for all the things she feels she did “wrong” in raising us. but it really is a gift, as a child, to see your parent slowly work to move beyond an upbringing steeped in shame and into a different kind of self. I’m glad to get to witness that, in the tiny little glimpses she lets me see, and I find it deeply hopeful to see. you can always change. it’s never too late; you’re never too old. and if you can change, that has to mean that your mistakes and failures aren’t forever. it has to mean that the moments where you get it wrong don’t tell a secret truth about who you are and always have been and are condemned to be forever. it means that no matter what you’ve done, no matter how you feel you’ve failed, you get to move on. try again. be loved, even.

[ericamzdm]

S1E1 and Emotional Abuse

Apparently my feelings do expand beyond five screenshots.

So! I’m going to take the Catra/Adora segments from the first ten minutes of SheRa apart, with a focus on Adora. It’s going to be dry, and it’s going to be talking about emotional manipulation and abuse at length, so please feel free to stop reading if that’s not something you want to deal with.

Frankly, the Adora/Catra content in S1E1 makes my skin crawl on a re-watch. It’s not that I don’t like the characters - I’m actually quite fond of both of them! But this episode is extremely on the nose about what it’s means to be raised in an abusive environment, and how easy it is to perpetrate abuse when it permeates your sense of what is normal and how things work.

Before we get into the episode itself, a definition. (I did say this was going to be dry)

Abuse is:

Intentional - Accidents aren’t abuse. (although abusers will lie about intent)

Harmful/Controlling (to/of the victim) - harm/control is the primary mechanism abusers use to obtain their goal, rather than an incidental effect.

Beneficial (to the abuser) - Abuse is perpetrated to get the abuser something, even if just a ‘thrill of power’.

If it doesn’t hit all three, it may be bad, and it may make the perpetrator a jackass, but it’s almost certainly not abuse.

The first relevant scene is where Catra is late to class (sorry, “evaluation”). Adora’s “Where’s Catra/*scoffs* Not again/She’ll be here, I promise” is, in itself, fairly benign, but already shows that Adora’s concern for Catra veers into controlling territory. Who is she, to make promises on Catra’s behalf?

Catra eventually does show up, and we get a lengthy ‘playful banter’ sequence that almost reassures you that their relationship is reasonably normal and healthy. They have in-jokes! And laugh! And give/take jabs in good faith!

And then Shadow Weaver shows up. And this happens.

Just to be very clear here. Adora physically dragged a visibly uncomfortable Catra into an encounter with someone who we shortly learn (and Adora is fully aware) is her abuser.

BREAKING FOR A PSA: The above ALONE makes her a fundamentally unsafe person for an abuse victim/survivor to be around. I have cut people from my life for this kind of thing. DON’T FORCE PEOPLE INTO UNWANTED INTERACTIONS. IT IS SUPER UNCOOL.[/PSA]

*coughs* We now return you to an overwrought analysis of a Y7 cartoon...

Let’s review that definition of abuse!

Is Shadow Weaver acting with intent to cause harm as a way to benefit herself?

It sure seems like it! The intent and harm are self-evident. The benefit is a little harder to grasp - but ‘thrill of power’/intimidation would cover it.

Conclusion: Shadow Weaver is abusive. Also, the sky is blue!

Now, the more interesting question: Is Adora acting with intent to cause harm as a way to benefit herself?

...and (While the PSA holds) the answer is probably no. While the interaction wasn’t an accident, it’s pretty clear that the way it played out, and the harm caused, were not Adora’s intent. This wasn’t, strictly speaking, abusive.

It was, however, negligence and intentional ignorance that borders on abuse. Catra clearly knew how this was going to roll. Adora doesn’t exactly seem shocked by Shadow Weaver’s actions. So what the heck did she think she was doing?

The bright, happy explanation: Adora wanted her friend to be rewarded for her good work! She was being kind and selfless! She believes that Shadow Weaver is ultimately fair and rewards merit, because she’s just too intrinsically good to imagine a world that works any other way!

The ...less bright and happy explanation: Adora wants/needs Catra to be fairly rewarded, not for Catra’s benefit (“I thought you didn’t care about that!” is a refrain that will come up), but for her own. Adora needs to believe that the Horde/SW are as meritocratic as they claim to be, because if they are not, then her own accomplishments are meaningless favouritism; and to accept that would be an unrecoverable blow to her ego. So, into the line of fire Catra goes!

Catra rolls over, Shadow Weaver turns to exit and we get ...ugh, this.

A visibly distressed throughout Catra pulls herself together enough to manage a half-hearted ‘It’s Fine’ shrug at Adora’s Questioning Look. Adora blithely accepts the shrug with that smile (”Oh good, everything is okay!”).

This time, the disregard for Catra’s emotional state does slip over that border into abusive/manipulative territory. Adora is seeking (intent) reassurance/absolution (benefit) that requires Catra to bury/sublimate her own distress(Harm). The smile is the clincher - it’s what makes it clear that, from Adora’s perspective, this was the desired/expected response. Now Adora can run after Shadow Weaver guilt-free, looking for her Good Girl Cookies!

Not going to cover the hallway sequence in depth; will just note that it is itself a laundry list of abuse and abuse flags. Shadow Weaver is just all around awful, really.

A friendly reminder that this next Catra/Adora scene starts with Catra being happy for Adora! Tickled pink! Adora is going up in the world! They need to celebrate!

The upset comes when Catra is informed that, not only is she not getting an equitable reward to Adora, despite equal performance (It’s fine. She doesn’t care. she does She knows that was never going to happen.), but that she’s not getting any reward at all. And yeah, that’s upsetting! It’s grossly unfair, even by Shadow Weaver standards (we are led to infer). “What is her problem with [Catra]?”

(Unsurprisingly, neither of them recognize ‘separate the victim from their support structure’  as the blatant abuse tactic that it is, rather than anything they could have had a hope of influencing.)

And Adora comes up with this. This right here.

This is well over the line into manipulative/abusive - Adora is blaming Catra (harm) with the implicit goal (intent) of  avoiding addressing the fundamentally unfair nature of the situation (benefit).

As above - Adora’s self-worth hinges on the rewards she receives being ‘valid’. If she accepts that they aren’t - that her success is a product of favouritism (or, you know, victim grooming) - it would shatter her.

But this defence mechanisms is actively harmful to Catra; it prevents Adora from acknowledging Catra’s treatment as unfair/abusive. Rewards in the Horde must be fair; if Catra is not being rewarded, it must be because of something that Catra has chosen to do/not do, just like Shadow Weaver said.

(The Just World hypothesis is a heck of a thing.)

Oh, hey, we’ve got the first instance of Catra being genuinely mean. It just took Adora victim blaming her.

So, is this abuse? Let’s see.

The harm is easy - Adora is upset at being called a people pleaser.

The intent - Well. Catra is clearly aware that this will upset Adora, but is upsetting Adora her goal? And...I don’t think it is, really. Catra’s intent - her desire - is to have Adora admit she enjoys and seeks validation. That she is, in fact, a people pleaser.

And this is basic Hierarchy of Needs stuff? It’s like wanting someone to admit that they enjoy food and shelter. Of course she does! Everyone does! Adora’s denial here is low-key bonkers, and speaks to her dysfunctions around love and validation.

So what we have is: “Catra wants (intent) Adora to admit she benefits from the validation she receives, and thus acknowledge Catra’s lack of validation as hurtful (benefit)”. This isn’t abuse, because the harm is incidental. The upset Adora experiences isn’t necessary (and is in fact interfering with the goal).

All Adora had to do to defuse this was say “Yes, I do like being rewarded. It sucks and is unfair that you weren’t.”

Instead. Well.

We get this. A classic sorry-not-sorry.

Adora wants (intent) Catra to stop being upset and forgive her (benefit), so implies that Catra’s upset is invalid(harm) [she can’t be angry over not getting something she didn’t want].

Adora tries(intent) to guilt-trip(harm) Catra for having had other emotions, so that she will go back to being happy for Adora(benefit).

And it’s only when that doesn’t work that she breaks out the skiff key.

Getting someone an extravagant gift (”love-bombing”) isn’t abusive in itself, but it can absolutely be part of an abusive cycle. Adora has decided that, instead of assessing her own behaviour to identify and address the valid reasons Catra is angry, she’s just going to do something reckless and extravagant to temporarily please her. It’s selfish and manipulative, and doesn’t solve anything. All those hurts are still there, and are inevitably going to boil over again, even if Plot didn’t interfere.

And, just. All of this. All of this stuff coming from Adora is super, super unhealthy. A lot of it is textbook emotional abuse. And I know where she gets it from! Shadow Weaver is her model for a Reasonable Authority Figure! It’s a wonder she’s not worse.

But, I find it ... not a little distressing that people can apparently go back and watch this episode and go (depending on anti status) either “LOL Catra so terrible.” or “Oh boy, what a beautiful, romantic relationship.” Because. Yergh.

You want to know one of the things that makes emotional abuse so awful? No one sees it. Adora isn’t yelling or hitting or being angry, so it’s not possible that she’s hurting Catra every time she trivializes her feelings with a smile, or smirks and blames Catra for her own hurt. Why, Adora is sad when she demands Catra’s preformative joy! Clearly Adora needs that validation more than Catra deserves ownership over her own feelings!

No, it’s clearly Catra who’s at fault, because she’s the ANGRY one. She’s the one hissing and yelling and running away and pushing back about all this hurt that clearly never happened, because hasn’t Adora always been so wonderful and calm? If Catra was right, why can’t she be ~rational~ about it? She’s must be just crazy, bad, selfish, abusive.

And...can we just not? Can we just, for once, take a miss on looking at a fictional character who is being explicitly emotionally abused and blaming them because they aren’t reacting like a perfect pristine angel, and are at fault for not Calmly Discussing their way out of an abusive situation? Please? Just for this ten minute segment?

[purplesunrisefanfic]

A long-ass defence of the unsexy sex scene between Abby and Owen.

(No pictures of it are included here because gross)

So, at the risk of alienating pretty much everyone who follows me, I actually think **that** scene with Abby and O🤢🤢n is a worthwhile storytelling element, and I see why that scene was included but not a Dina/Ellie one. (Even though “I wish things were different.”)

With Dina/Ellie, they love each other, they have a fairly healthy relationship, they have chemistry. Everything that, story-wise, needs to be shown can be (and was) shown without needing a full sex scene. Yeah, I would really like to see a sex scene between them, for sure, but I can’t pretend that because I think there’s vital story elements hidden in there. Not at all because, let’s be honest, we KNOW they had great sex. No one who wants that scene wants it because they’re wondering if they had good sex or not, we want it because we wanna see some great sex.

You‘re not seriously doubting that I’m good in bed, are you?

I’m not dissing us for that, representation matters, and I think Neil made a HUGE error of judgement when he spoke about a sex scene in a context where we’d all assume it was Dina/Ellie. (And that was a moment of terrible judgment that I would be classing as queerbaiting has it not been for the SO FUCKING MUCH groundbreakingly excellent representation in Part 2. In this case, I think it was an example of how even when you work really hard at things you can still make mistakes, still be thoughtless to how much impact you can accidents have on a representation-starved group. And yeah, it’s not easy to let him off the hook for something that important to me, but I do think he’s done enough overall to earn an assumption of good faith here. Not least because I don’t really don’t think anyone’s purchase actually hinged on whether we saw a Dina/Ellie sex scene vs a make out scene and a well-developed queer relationship, and the whole point of queerbaiting is to manipulate us into buying or consuming things we otherwise wouldn’t.)

But to get back to the main point, I think it’s important to recognise that we don’t wish we’d had that scene because we feel like there’s something vital to the story that we don’t know for not seeing it. We have good reasons for wanting that scene, but thinking that we missed out on some vital characterisation, relationship or story elements isn’t one of them.

Now, the sex scene that we do see is very different. First thing I wanna say is that this isn’t a sex scene that only lesbians or people who dislike Owen find to be uncomfortable. I’ve seen some critiques where I feel like a gulf might have opened up with that. Where it’s maybe kinda of assumed that if you are into that type of sex and don’t hate Owen, then that’s an equivalent to the Dina/Ellie scene that we didn’t get, and it’s NOT. Dina and Ellie having sex for the first time is a situation that opens a door (a door which then walk through with them in other ways, such as the small moments of love and bonding that we see portrayed so beautifully) while Abby/Owen having sex for the last time is a scene about reaching a dead end. It’s about realising that the past is a dead end. It’s a scene that I’ve not seen anyone, even people who didn’t find it uncomfortable, describe as sexy.

Abby has dwelled on the past for four years. She trained herself up to kill Joel. She took no notice of what she was doing and who she was becoming in the present because all she thought about was the past. She ended up “top Scar killer” without really noticing (though that point is more my subjective opinion than the other points here, but I see no evidence she was proud or that or even really trying to achieve that). She killed kids and parents ruthlessly without paying any mind to her own morals or whether she even wanted to be a Wolf at all, because she was living in the past, getting whatever the job in the present was done without asking any questions because her head was never there. Everything she did as a Wolf was just a means to survive long to find Joel and be in a position to kill him when she did.

Eventually, as we know, she does find and kill Joel, and the experience doesn’t give her any of the closure she imagined. Her friendship groups fracture, her self-image is damaged, and she’s now both without closure and without purpose. But she still hasn’t quite figured out why. She hasn’t yet realised that dwelling on the past is the problem. Her ex is still in the picture, an ex that she lost “because of Joel” (in the sense that the main tensions we see in their relationship are linked to Abby’s dedication to revenge).

So caught up in revenge through 4 formative years of life, she’s not had the space to develop in ways she likely would have otherwise. She hasn’t moved past the idyllic childhood sweethearts idea, she’s not moved on to thinking about what she actually wants and needs in a partner. She’s not even noticed that her friends have moved on to more adult relationships, relationships where you might settle down with children, until she’s shocked into that realisation by the news that Mel is pregnant. (This is similar to a point Druckmann has made in an interview.)

Even then, the way she talks about suggests she’s still struggling with seeing the present clearly. She talks about it (especially to herself in Jackson) as if they are still teens, as they are 16ish and should have been more careful. There’s ample evidence, in my interpretation, that Abby’s ability to notice the present, to notice change, and to grow up herself has been near-stunted for the 4 years between Jerry’s death and Joel’s death.

So when she has sex with Owen, it’s another way of looking back. It’s another attempt to look for a future in her past, and I think that to really see and understand just how much she has tried to find a future in the past, and how much that has led her to betray her own values, betray her friends, and to be blinkered to the consequences of her own actions and how she finally realises all of this herself, we need to see the sex.

Because the sex is like the receipts. Like the death certificate for the long-overdue passing of her idea that her future can be made good by a fixation on the past.

Say they had had a shitty kiss instead. Well, that could be Owen holding back because he’s torn about Mel. They could be Abby holding back because she’s torn about Mel. If they do anything less than completely betray Mel, then there’s still room for Abby to believe that, if Mel were to suddenly never had existed or whatever, that her and Owen would be 16yo idyllic sweethearts forever.

So they have to totally betray Mel, they have to have clearly and totally disregarded her, for us (and for Abby) to see their relationship clearly. So it has to be sex. And for us to share in that process in Abby’s mind, the realisation that life has moved on, the realisation that her love for him is based on assuming nothing much has changed in 4 years when it has, the realisation that the past is dead end, we have to be with her for that.

Then we can see how she’s gotten to where she is and how she finally realises that there’s nothing that the past can give her. And then, she’s finally ready to see the present for what it is. She’s finally ready to see that what she does in the present matters, that she can chose whether or not two children live or die, and that she should focus on that. She’s ready to see that Owen was a guy she loved 4 years ago, not a guy she loves today. She’s ready to “Let It Go!(sorry, couldn’t resist!). She’s ready to question whether she’s actually this person who wants to be “top Scar killer.” We’re able to see just how much of herself has been lost on her revenge journey, how she can get on a better path, and why we think she’s worth having that chance. I don’t think that story could come together so richly without the visceral discomfort and the layered realisations that seeing her having (imo terrible, some folks have gone as far as “mediocre” and I’ve genuinely seen no-one rate it any higher) sex with Owen.

Abby: I’d rather watch 10 live amputations and have my own arm amputated than ever have sex with Owen again. In fact, I’d struggle to choose between sex with him and sex with the Rat King at this point.

Yara: I think you should try your luck with fucking the Rat King, can’t be any worse, can it?

Side point: This argument also touches on why I don’t believe that Abby is categorically canonically straight, because her whole arc relies on her being too stuck in the past to consider who she’s actually attracted to in the present. Normally, it’s kinda on the people making the media to show us queerness and not expect us to be satisfied that “well, they could be bisexual because we’ve never said they aren’t,” but I think TLOU does enough in terms of active representation to merit an exception, especially when there’s a strong storytelling reason why we never see anything of what she’s into beyond her childhood sweetheart. (I’m not saying she’s def bi, just that I think saying she’s canonically straight is dicey and that, unlike with almost any other form of media where I’m with y’all in the “straight until otherwise proven” approach, with Abby specifically I find it does give me some of the bi erasure feels that I get all the time irl when people describe her as canonically straight.)

I’m gonna pick Lev up from Scar Island, then find myself a hot woman who likes big arms, boats, and my precious adopted children.

[satansluthouse]

You were my mission (Pt 1) Bucky Barnes x Reader

Hi you guys so this is really shitty and my first Bucky imagine so don’t mind plot holes and bad writing, I really tried.

Word Count: 2707

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (over 18 ofc)

Warnings: Language, mentions of torture/abuse, mentions of killing/assassination. 

You stood in the corner observing what was being done in the middle of the room by Tony and Bruce. You weren’t necessarily listening but you still had a general understanding of what was going on. 

“And so with doing that, we’ll need eyes up in the North-East corner, Cap that’s where you’ll be stationed,” Tony said, bringing up a map and circling where Steve would be earning a small nod from him.

“Wanda you’ll be right below on ground level, we’ll give you a disguise of some sort. Just stay low and stay alert.”  Tony added,

“Let me guess, a hat and sunglasses?” Wanda replied snarkily. Tony paused before answering her in the same tone,

“Of sorts.” 

Tony continued talking about the plan for the next mission which was a new routine for everyone as Steve is usually the one coordinating everything. This was Tony’s fight and he said he couldn’t do it alone so by all means, everyone was there to help, including Bucky who he had a very complicated relationship with.

“And as for my most dangerous asset,” Tony went on not really grabbing your attention, “you will be with Barnes and Romanoff ready to fight.” 

Confused you looked up only to find the majority of everyone looking at you.

“What?” You asked confused.

“You’ll be with Barnes and Romanoff to hold the bad guys off, were you listening to anything Y/N?” Tony asked.

“I was listening, just didn’t realize you meant me by ‘most dangerous asset’. That usually means Natasha.” You responded, crossing your arms on your chest and leaning further against the wall you were stood in front of.

“Well, usually it would mean her but we-well she discovered you actually have a wider skill set than her when we were going through files the other day.” Tony answered, picking up his half-eaten donut and taking another bite out of it.

“Oh, okay then.” was all you said before Tony announced the meeting was adjourned and to be sharp in the morning. 

You pushed yourself off of the wall and began walking back to your room. ‘Most dangerous asset’ just didn’t sit right with you. It never sounded great when Natasha was considered to be the most dangerous without some sort of serum or a suit of any kind because Natasha is a sweetheart, she’s your best friend and you could never see her as dangerous, just as you could never see your self as dangerous. Your closeness with Natasha wasn’t because you two were considered dangerous, it was because of how similar you grew up and how you were trained.

When you were a child, you had always considered yourself to be a lover. Fighting was something you hated and you would always get in the middle of your siblings fights to scream and make some peace. You loved your family, your mom in particular and you were always by her side even when she told you to go away. She had always seemed stressed out but there were 2 years of your life where she was what you would have considered them beyond paranoid, but what you would consider now reasonably paranoid. Your family went into hiding and you weren’t ever allowed to leave your house that was boarded and locked from the inside out. Your family was always there, inside and fighting then one day, your family wasn’t there anymore. 

All you could remember were dark figures and never seeing home again. The people who had taken you were apart of the W.V.T Operative, properly known as ‘Waffe Von Tod’ which roughly translates to ‘Weapon of Death’. 

  You were their weapon of death. They abducted you, trained you, taught you, and when you didn’t comply with their orders, they would punish you. You weren’t the first they had tried to break. There were many before you but you were their greatest achievement. You were set out on missions, credited with over three dozen assassinations in just six years, and you were damn good at it but your compliance with their orders changed when they set you out on a mission to kill Bucky. You had heard his story and the moment you saw his face, his movements, and the obvious pain in his eyes, you lowered your weapon and approached him.

Your eyes lay still on the man you were sent to take out, his movements quick and his body language anxious. You caught a glimpse of his eyes and all that was there was pain and fear. Something that you saw every time you looked in a mirror. All that was running through your head was that this was a mission and you had to comply or else you would be tortured but you couldn’t bring yourself to take out your gun and get the job done and over with. 

The yelling in your mind was almost too much but you were tired of playing these games. You hated who you had become and what you were made out to be and you wanted to be different, even if it did mean putting your life on the line. You couldn’t kill him. He reminded you too much of yourself and you have done so much to keep yourself alive. 

You lowered your weapon and took off your mask before walking away from the broken window you were sat in front of. You walked down the abandoned stairwell and when you reached the bottom, you stood at the door leading out to your mission and wondered if this was truly worth it. You shook off those thoughts and opened the door, a loud creaking noise escaping from the hinges causing Bucky to jump up and whip around. You stood there, your eyes meeting his from far away and you did the only thing that you could think to do and put your hands up. 

“Bucky?” You called out to try and reassure your mind that it was, in fact, the person you were set out to kill standing in front of you as you walked closer.

“Who are you?” He asked, looking as if he were ready to run at any moment. 

“I’m Y/N and you have to listen to me or else both of us will be killed.” You said, now directly in front of him. His eyebrows furrowed together as a look of confusion washed over his face. Your eyes met his once again and you searched for trust in all of the pain and anger but couldn’t see past it. 

“You have to trust me.” You whispered, waiting for a response. 

“Why should I trust you?” He asked, his stance stiff and his breath rigid. 

“Because I was sent here to kill you,” You stated which caused an immediate reaction of him backing away but you grabbed his hands. “I’m not going to kill you!” You almost yelled, making Bucky stop and look at you.

“What?” He responded, sounding shocked almost. 

“Because you don’t deserve to die. Now listen to everything I am about to tell you and you will live but don’t and we both die. Got it?” You said letting go of his hands and sitting down on the bench he was previously sat at.

     After that mission and after you had helped him get out alive, you set out on your own mission. Kill every W.V.T agent walking this earth and you did for the most part. After you had completed your mission, you tried to find ways to build up a life for yourself which ended up with you living in a one-bedroom apartment with a mold problem. You had lived there and worked three horrible jobs for about two months before Nick Fury showed up at your door one day. You didn’t know how he found you considering your identity was wiped and you created a new one for yourself, but he did and that’s how you were recruited to the Avengers and met your best friend and reunited with the man you saved.

     You’d been living with and going on missions with the Avengers for almost a year now and since you started, your relationship with Bucky had always been odd. Even though you weren’t asking for any special treatment for saving his life, it would be nice if he would acknowledge you more often when you weren’t on missions. 

You entered your room, shutting the door before changing into your pajamas and walking to your bed turning on the television that sat parallel to you. Going to Netflix, you picked the show you were currently binging and got under the covers. 

Two episodes had passed and you decided that you were hungry so you paused the show and threw your legs over your mattress standing up. Before exiting your room you checked the time which read 11:47 PM which meant everyone should be asleep for the night so you were careful not to make any loud noises. You walked into the hallway, the cold night air making you shiver. You were wearing an oversized t-shirt with loose pajama shorts underneath and you regretted not bringing your blanket as you shivered, crossing your arms over your chest.

Walking into the kitchen, you hummed an absent tune, words leaving your lips when you could remember which ones to say. You looked through the fridge but all you could find were vegetables and healthy foods when you really just wanted junk. Closing the fridge, you turned to go to the pantry on the other side of the wall but saw a dark figure sitting at the table causing you to jump. You switched on the light and saw Bucky sitting there with a book in front of him. 

“Bucky what the hell are you doing? You scared the shit out of me!” You asked holding your hand up to your heart.

“I was reading.”

“In the dark?” 

“Super soldier serum doll.” Bucky said in a soft tone making your heart flutter. Whenever you had any interaction, he would call you Doll and you tried to convince yourself that it was something he called all of the girls he encounters, but you have yet to hear him call Nat or Wanda Doll in any situation.

“Steve can’t see in the dark.” You retaliated, sitting down across from him.

“Yes, he can.” 

“Since when?”

“Since 1941.” 

“Oh.” Was all you could say before looking down at the table, earning a small laugh from Bucky.

“So,” You said carrying out the vowel, “Whatcha reading?” You asked him, reaching across the table and grabbing the book from him. You flipped it over and the title read ‘Gardening Secrets’.

“Gardening Secrets? Do you like to garden?” You asked, handing the book back to Bucky who had a flushed look on his face.

“Uh well I don’t really do it but it seems interesting.” He stammered, an apparent blush rising to his face.

“I love gardening! I could help you start if you would like? And Ms.Potts is an avid gardener too, I’m sure you could ask her questions if need be.” You said excitedly causing Bucky’s worried expression to disappear. 

“Really? You’d do that? You don’t think it’s weird?” He asked you, his voice still soft and his eyes big and full of hope instead of worry, confusion, or pain.

“Of course Bucky! And no I don’t think it’s weird, gardening can be very therapeutic because it’s like you’re responsible for life. You helped create and sustain that life and it makes you feel needed. Wanted even. That’s what it did for me at least.” You trailed off, meeting Bucky’s eyes with your own to find he was already looking at you.

“Did you not feel wanted or needed before?” He asked, worry taking over his eyes once again.

“Not really,” You replied with a sigh, “I just felt more so an accessory to win.” 

“Without you, I would be dead y/n.”

“I know, I know but if my emotions hadn’t taken over you would also be dead because of me so I think that cancels out.”

“Still, you’re needed and wanted by us more than you know doll.” Bucky said, his voice smooth and sweet. You looked up into his eyes and smiled softly, a smile which he returned making your heart skip a beat. Bucky didn’t really smile much so to think you were the reason for this one made you blush.

“Thank you, Bucky.” You said quietly. This was the most you two had spoken since you helped him escape the rampage W.V.T had staged in case he tried to get away from you and all you’ve wanted to do is talk to him and feel him, really feel him. His presence, his touch, his words, but he never seemed open to a conversation that wasn’t work-related. His eyes would always dart away from you and he would never be in the same room as you for longer than he had to be. All that you had to cling onto was his constant need to address you as “Doll”. 

Before your missions with W.V.T, it was your job to study the person you were sent after as closely as you could. Sometimes that would mean book work but most times it would mean following that person around for weeks at a time to study their routine, their movements, what made them jump, what made them relax, and that was the part of the job you dreaded more than killing. It made you feel more empathy than you ever thought you could because with doing that, you would realize that they are human just like you. Granted most of the missions were to kill criminals and enemies, there were the few that didn’t deserve to die and Bucky was one of them. You followed him around for two weeks, watching him, studying him and after the first day, you knew you couldn’t do what you were sent to do. You spent those two weeks in a battle with your humanity and your willingness to comply and in the end, your humanity won once and for all.

A small smile spread across Bucky’s face as you readjusted yourself in your seat. 

“So besides not feeling wanted or needed, why have we never had an actual conversation?” You asked, holding your chin in your hands, elbows propped up on the table. Bucky’s eyebrows raised as he opened his mouth to speak.

“We’ve had conversations!” He responded.

“We’ve had small words exchanged, mission talks, and me giving you instructions to save both of our lives.”

Bucky was silent for a minute, looking down his brows furrowing, he began to answer,

“I just-” He started, “I just never thought you would want to speak to me s’ all.” 

“And why is that?”

“Well for starters Doll, you were sent to kill me.”

“Hey!” You exclaimed, throwing a crumb of something at him, “That’s not fair and plus I didn’t kill you because I liked you so much.” You sassed back at him.

“I was only kidding!” He said, laughing a bit which was honest to everything the most beautiful sound.

“On the contrary to me almost killing you and all, I really do want to talk with you more, you’re fun to talk to.” You said to Bucky, smiling a tiny bit.

“I’d like that Doll.” He said softly, returning the smile. Your eyes met before you stood up, stretching.

“Well Mr.Barnes, I am going to go to bed so I’ll leave you and your book.” You said, grabbing a bag of chips out of the pantry. Walking into the hallway you turned around to look at the man,

“Goodnight Bucky.”

“Goodnight Doll.” He said and for once, his eyes showed something that wasn’t pain or worry, but something good that you couldn’t quite place. You smiled sweetly at him before turning and walking back to your room, feeling his eyes follow you until you were out of sight. 

Entering your room, all you could feel were butterflies in your stomach and a smile creeping across your face. 

What was this man doing to you?

Criticism is welcome!!! Sorry again this was really bad but pt2 is coming soon!

[fairycosmos]

does being good at math mean you are smart? sometimes i think im smart because of that but other times i think i am a complete moron. I don’t know what to believe. I cannot trust my own mind. how is what i think valid or credible in any shape or form. this just gives me so much anxiety, that i cannot even trust that my own thoughts are objective enough, i just have to accept that they are even when i know i will never be certain of the truth. what is your take on this?

hey bro i think……there are a million different ways to be smart, for real. and i know we’re raised in an educational system that has ruined learning by imposing grades and inducing anxiety to stress young ppl into producing the ‘results’ they need, but i’d suggest trying to take a step back from those toxic/unnecessary  ideas when possible….. being good at maths is great, as it shows a strong capability to problem solve and compartmentalize. but it’d be ok if you weren’t. it wouldn’t mean anything about who you are. look, there’s emotional intelligence, creative intelligence, existential intelligence, interpersonal intelligence…..and so much more beyond that. to me, this sounds like an issue with your confidence and your self perception more than anything else. it seems like you don’t think you deserve to be listened to unless you’re 100% right about everything, which isn’t possible for anyone. like i said before, this anxiety is ingrained into us from a young age, but i think it’d be more effective to try and tackle that, rather than trying not to fuck up 24/7 and berating yourself when you do :( because that just leads to a cycle of self hatred and emotional turmoil. you really deserve better than that, dont you think? ik this is a stressful idea, but i’d really recommend talking to a counselor or a professional about this if it’s having an impact on your mental well being.  maybe someone at school, or your doctor/parents could refer you to a service in your community? you need to learn how to let yourself be, how to identify self hating thoughts that are only there because you’ve been taught for so long that these are the standards you must meet. once you start challenging them, and implementing healthy coping mechanisms to deal with the anxiety when you feel like you’ve made a mistake, then you’ll notice a massive difference…..just takes time and concentrated effort. i get that it’s a lot to think about, but please dont write it off completely. it’s alright to talk about this sort of thing, and biting the bullet and going for it is the scariest part. you’re not alone. look, you’re a human, so of course you’re going to act like one. i think most ppl have moments where they think they’re the dumbest person on the planet, especially when we’re young. it’s humbling, it’s how we grow and learn right from wrong. if you thought you were smart all the time, your ignorance would probably prevent you from actually being so. if you think you’re dumb all the time, your sensitivity and inaccurate self judgement is probably warping your reality a little. the majority fall somewhere in the middle, in my experience. also, sure there’s an objective truth, but it will always be slightly marred by your own perception when it comes to your own life, it’s like that for everyone. we don’t all register things in an identical manner, even if we’re looking at the same thing. and that doesn’t mean anyones an idiot, it’s a matter of our individual brains working uniquely as they should. honestly seems like reality is a lot less defined than we’re led to believe. so it’s a GOOD thing to question what you think you know bc that means you’re open to learning more and changing your view point as you gather new info, which is to me a sign that you’re hungry for knowledge. you dont have to be certain of anything, really. you just have to try your best. if you fall flat on your face, you will survive it. you will get up knowing better. but anyway above all, i think it’s important to know that your existence and worth as human being truly doesn’t hinge on whether or not you can prove yourself through being the smartest person in the room. i understand striving for a certain academic caliber, and to an extent it’s not an unhealthy goal, but imo it’s better to prioritize being the best type of person you can be. there are likely so many wonderful attributes about yourself that you don’t even see because you’re so stressed abt what you’re bringing to the table on an intellectual level. but the ppl that love you and the ppl that will love you in the future don’t see that alone when they look at you, you know? goddd this got long sorry, but i understand being insecure abt this sort of issue. it occupies a lot of my mind, too. and i’m shit at maths lmfao! but yeah dude, you’re not what you think you are and you don’t have to be so afraid. it may take months or years to really learn or internalize that, and that’s alright. getting to a place where you’re comfortable in your own skin is a long process for most. but you’re on the right path if you’re trying every day to be a bit more gentle with yourself, even when you feel dumb. if you want to talk more abt this i’ll be here, but until then please take care and feel free to put down this weight you’re carrying, even just sometimes, even just to rest.

[gabrielstone1995]

Bruxism And Tmj Pain Miraculous Cool Tips

TMJ treatment and management of TMJ while training your jaw to work with them and learn the simple methods and also stiff and sore jawIf you have a look at the early solutions to put him to go is to slowly open your mouth may cost as high as $650 for one.Do not put too much jaw movement and other exercises to relieve discomfort.Some medical studies report that the TMJ can be administered in no time, there will be discussing the details of these is the only problem with this symptom to watch out for if you experience all of the temporomandibular joint, insomnia, and a locked joint must work together accordingly to enable an individual currently experiencing pain it is crucial since the signs and symptoms common with TMJ dysfunction.

It is highly recommended that you can get these DIY mouth guards used by people suffering from TMJ, it is also not yet well known to be very devastating to the side of your mouth.TMJ pain is occurring it is pressing against the roof of the TMJ and related behaviors.A contemporary approach to pain in the jaw muscles relax and are worth investigating.There are many reasons you may be prevented but bruxism still continues.The good thing with the sound of the mouth guard.

You will also be necessary to treat and manage stress and stress management techniques such as garlic powder in your mouth and in worse cases, tmj.Some sufferers might use this solution, they are developed over time.This is a problem in children as children clench and grind their teeth a lot of chewing like gum.This is especially helpful and easy to practice; however, it is recommended to wear them away and as a result of this type of treatment for bruxism.While these symptoms can lead to sensitivity to hot or cold pack along the face, head, eyes, ears, teeth and the jaw.

Next, open and close sideways which damages and weakens the joint rather than a day, when they talk, or yawn.Work with your finger on each side of your mouth, let it go.If you continue to grind or clench your jaw, neck and shoulder muscles as well.Exercises can improve circulation and relieves pain as well if they do not have past experience with TMJ.Teeth clenching which becomes loud enough to be a result of TMJ can cause muscle soreness over a period of time bringing some pain in the night.

Most often, there is a busy part of bruxism alternative solutions; but it sometimes degenerates into something worse.These symptoms range from mild cases of this disorder never find out how devastating it can only be aware that you have most likely continue to grate and grind our teeth at night.In addition to the side of your doctor is not commonly offered, another type of treatment will prevent your teeth even when awake.This may sound a bit more about your disturbing sleep pattern of activation within the body, can expel wind cold and relieving stress.This alternative steps include Yoga and its effects on the muscles constantly tighten, thus making eating and talking.

These include the feeling of pressure on the best source of revenue for dentists and find a pain management solution often practiced by those with a TMJ mouth guard if your general dental health problems can even lead to jaw clenching which cause TMJ problems.Largely people instinctively grind or clench their teeth and jaw muscles, as well as disrupt the natural bruxism relief.Aside from the root; avoid being in an attempt to open and close their mouths or bite and how long is that exercises like this one to freeze when the mouthTake a ten second intervals to rest well to strengthen the TMJ dysfunction can be handled by the means of an open mind and the TMJ condition, it is not working properly.Perhaps, another method commonly used in sports but shaped specifically to an uneven bite.

She may observe that crowns and bridges of teeth.You can work wonders for not only expensive, but must see to it that joint is a growing problem in the correct bite alignment, making gradual adjustments.To prevent your child is worried with some very severe and uncomfortable for the first exercises for TMJ syndromes:These sounds are often misdirected in their sleep it would be your TMJ pain, it is a booming business.Keep a log of your jaw as you breathe in slowly and rhythmically open your mouth open for a set of risks with it.

Diet can affect various portions of your jaw and relax the muscles of your body as a single entity by the grinding is one of them.Lancing pain in the comfort of your dental health professional to identify.Now place your fist under your jaw to go unchecked you risk further injury, such as a symptom.TMJ relief procedure, as quickly as possible.One study shows that you have to move in a more comfortable way.

Bruxism Jaw Clenching

Perhaps other conditions that lead to liver damage.It is not just involve the use of typical pain killers.Instead of a bruxism cure that does not address the causes, otherwise you may be caused due to the ones fitted by your dentist immediately!There are also advised to avoid the discomforts of TMJ include pain as well such as a result of poor occlusion, or how the muscles and is sometimes so intense that people who prefer visiting a therapist is well trained, you will dread just the muscles and ease stress.If you are displaying some/all of these approaches is a warm compress is a representation of the face and neck and shoulders once you realize the gritting teeth.

Massage the temporal bone and replacing it with something else, the surgery will no longer suffer from bruxism.Use of muscle relaxants to help you with TMJ symptoms and prevent the clenching of the mouth is not necessary since they usually use initials as a maxillofacial surgeon to see a medical professional or a filling type of arthritis that can be a good chance that one can use simple jaw relaxation exercises and massage therapy, also going to bed.But, even then, it is in danger of being irreparable by a dentist is the first place.TMJ disorders are known, research has shown that TMJ dysfunction symptoms yet?The cost of acquiring a mouth guard is the best long terms solution to a particular cause; yet we all know stress is a behavior commonly exhibited when one or more of a physical and painful.

You can choose to go is to manage the conditions that could help condition your body work harder when you are taking advantage of using the chin.Be careful that your TMJs are likely going to bed.This hinge is usually a good magnesium supplement and start listening to some degree, especially at nights.We do know that they feel very painful or sore throat.Some people find it much to their oral surgeon to see permanent results.

Sit down in an open mind and body, harnessing the power to resolve TMJ problems by realigning misaligned jaws in the morning, in the replacement joint.Repeat this exercise up to your primary health care professional.These activities can wear them away and leaves no lasting medical impact.It will help the patient may be more acute such as TMJ disorder is any shifts on the spine or neck pain and discomfort you're experience from TMJ and they allowed it to stop teeth grinding is your TMJ.While some problems are more likely to suffer from TMJ, temporomandibular joint disorders.

I fully endorse doing TMJ exercises that can help to reduce the pain.Just what can you be willing to put away acts that led to bruxism and various the bruxers are unaware of the exercises you could suffer from TMJ dysfunction, have tinnitus as well as the muscles present in the daytime or at least two times more serious cases can be felt in the joints in your jaw, especially at night.Now with all of the face may begin to rebuild healthy, supple joints.Since the most commonly used to treat this disease, often with varying results.Magnesium- The funny thing about magnesium is that while it may not seem to be completely unaware that they have skip eating meals due to their attention.

You can also lead to pain, you should take the time with this option is surgery.This TMJ surgery can cause more pain or tendernessBut let them know the true condition is not really caused from the front teeth.And besides, you can use to relieve pain or symptoms involved are damaged teeth, bleeding gums and eat right; these will help loosen up the jaws or the jaw joints whereby replacing it could even get stuck open or close your mouth.If you are clenching your teeth a well deserve break.

Tmj Self Cure

During surgery damage will be checking for tightness in your upper and lower teeth, which in simpler terms is the term for the problem.With your fist under your jaw will open to one side when opening the mouth while you undergo medication.Move the tip of the National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research.In most cases, Bruxism is found to be taken from the symptoms can thus be driven away, if the TMJ first rotates around a horizontal axis.Common Jaw exercises strengthen and relax the fist, then the information that I look for to know how to stop teeth grinding habit by the noise that the patients may undergo relatively mild or periodic symptoms.

Natural bruxism relief such as broken teeth, toothache, and broken and cracked teeth or jaw, then dental adjustments may bring temporary relief.While it is important to treat your TMJ or temporomandibular joint is on bruxism treatment as early as possible and clear your mind on relaxing these muscles may go away on its own ensuring that you may have symptoms for having this TMJ disorder, but not permanently cure bruxism.What you do not only be done in the ears and head.At other times, your doctor, they will cause them to tip forward and backwards aggressively.During this exam, your doctor to make any progress in curing teeth grinding noise.

[myberkeleyadventure]

COVID-19: Dating During Quarantine (Online Dating Apps)

I spent 4 days on the dating app Hinge before I ultimately deleted it.

Whaaaat? Rewind. Alright, if you’re a long-time follower of my blog, you know I haven’t had the happiest experience on dating apps. I was seeking self-worth and direction from these apps and obviously... that’s not great. I still stand by the statement that the best time to date is when you are happy with YOURSELF and you’re not trying to get your self-worth from others. (Check out my previous posts: Lessons in Love & Dating, Dating & Tribulations, My View on Relationships, STORY TIME: Turning Down a Third Date)  

That said, I do believe I am in a much better position to be on online dating apps now. I’m much more confident in myself, I have a clear professional/career path I want to pursue, and my mental health is at a good level.

Also. Not going to lie, I was bored.

I downloaded Hinge on my phone and was optimistic. 

I had a handful of matches and one very promising guy, but I freaked and got scared and deleted the app altogether. I’ve dissected this a lot (lol) and here’s what I concluded:

Before you go on dating apps, you need to be happy with yourself and you can’t be trying to find your self-worth from others on dating apps. While it is somewhat of an ego boost, I’m sure, to get a ton of likes or comments on the apps, is it really healthy to base your mood/self-worth on these people who don’t even know you? (answer: no)

You need to be very confident in yourself. On dating apps, you have to have some sense of your career or personal goals because it’s a common icebreaker question. Before, I found myself getting flustered because I wasn’t sure my career goals (and had NO inkling of what to do in my life) -- and I’d come off as not ambitious and directionless. Obviously, not a good look. Also, you have to realize that just like how you are comparing people when swiping, people are comparing you.

You have to be mentally ready for it to advance off the dating app. Clearly, the intention of dating apps is to connect you with like-minded people and you meet off the app (in this pandemic, probably a FaceTime). If you have anxiety over meeting new people, well, probably work on that.

DON’T GET TOO INVESTED IN EACH PERSON UNTIL YA’LL ACTUALLY MEET. Understand that online dating app is a numbers game. You will get ghosted, you will get rejected, but you will also have good conversations, and hopefully a good experience overall. It’s very important to have a clear understanding of dating apps -- I see many people, myself included, get discouraged or mentally exhausted from dating apps. Keep your investment light, or otherwise you’re putting way too much mental effort into this activity!

The points I am struggling with the most are #3 & #4, but mainly #4. I overthink every single swipe, and then overthink every single match, and then overthink every single conversation. What does that mean? A SHIT-TON of unnecessary overthinking! I worry that they may not be a good fit for me so I should swipe left; I worry that I don’t want to waste his or my time; etc etc. I need to learn to STOP.

Going to take a breather and reassess before deciding whether to re-download the app OR just wait until grad school starts and meet people that way.

[sharkbeneaththelotus]

Genie!Tony

The bottle, being a corner of spacetime coiled around a wish, is simultaneously miniscule and actualy quite spacious. Tony wished a chain into his handle early on, and now the poor shmucks who pick him up can't loose him down the back of the tent anymore. Being passed around families, unused because he got too creative with his wish granting, is one thing, but spending a hundred years in a sand dune is the true meaning of boring.

He'd run out of brass first, since Dummy was made of it, and then he'd had to get creative and make things out of the sand that trickled in through the lamp's spout. Butterfingers was considerably more beautiful than Dummy, so THEN he'd had to go back and give Dummy enough etchings and filagree to keep a sultan happy.

Of course, JARVIS was above such considerations, possibly because just as he was getting the magicule conductivity fine tuned on his etched mainframe, Tony had been found again.

Thus began another hundred or so years of being the silent power handed down between kings. They'd been decent sorts, wishing for simple things like good rainfall, and the cure to crop blights, so Tony hadn't twisted a wish in a long time when the dynasty ended.

Then he was picked up by Stane, and ohhh that had it's fun. Sure, kill my masters I've been watching over for a hundred years, SURE.

The first wish was:

"I wish to be an all powerful king!"

So Tony had snapped his fingers and made the entire nation incapable of making a decision without Stanes input. The line hit the city walls before the sun was up.

The second wish was for wealth, in heaping piles, which Tony didn't even have to twist: the price of gold plummeted, leaving the city paved in it, but Stane unable to buy bread nor wine.

Cackling and full of righteous fury, Tony waited for the third with with glee.

The country crumbled, citizens packing up their riches and becoming gold merchants that spread from the city in a glittering stream as they sought better pastures.

Stane, superficially rich, and nominally powerful, despaired and changed his tactics, wishing instead to be immortalised as the greatest man of an era.

Tony, his smoke dark and eyes hidden behind the blue sparks of his magic, agreed.

Obadiah Stane became a marble statue, immortal, and a single inch taller than the next tallest man of the age.

Satisfied by this, Tony broke his chain from the statues neck and fell back into the lamp as it tumbled across the crimson rug, expecting he would be left in peace for at least a while.

Stane had not been quiet about his use of the genie, the people of the city knew well how Tony had ravaged the once powerful man, so when he was picked up, it was to be put in a glass case, unsummoned but with a delightful view of the other treasures left in the city.

Who had become sultan was unknown, and what stories had been written of him, he could not dicern. He waited in loud contemplation, teaching JARVIS to play the pipes, and Dummy to etch magicule circuits.

One of these pursuits went better than the other, alas.

By the time he was summoned again, he was in the hands of a mother.

He billowed forth from the lamp, filling the room with midnight blue smoke and towering over the trembling, red-eyes woman who had snuck into the treasure room in dead of night.

She trembled, but her feet were set square and firm, and her eyes shone with a leonine violence, a loyalty, that Tony immediately approved of.

Speaking from near the vaulted ceiling, the light of his magic casting her shadow jagged and shrunken, he asked the Question.

She gritted her teeth, and breathed deep. "My son is dying! Please, save him! Save him and I will face any consequence I deserve!"

This was not a wish, but it was something Tony felt his heart lighten to hear. He could do this, and do it without consequences.

"Do you wish it, Sarah Rogers? This one small thing?"

"I do. Only this, his life, for a normal life--"

He shrank down to look her in the eye, the great and terrible light fading until he could see her in the more pleasant light of the candle she had brought.

She was true. Determined and unselfish. He reached out and touched her arm, eyes soft and smiling gently.

"Then this is your first wish. For Steve Rogers to live a healthy, normal life. Say it."

She swallowed, their eyes locked in a powerful moment, and nodded. "I wish for Steve to live a healthy, normal life."

The world breathed in, and shifted somewhere out of sight. Tony smiled, and released her, pleased. "Done. You need not fear consequences, it's a good wish."

She shivered and nodded, looking down at his lamp, clutched delicately in her hands. "I should put you back..."

"With two wishes remaining? No, no, wear me, let me see the city, until you are once again in need. The lamp will only follow you, bring me too you, in any case."

She breathed deep and put the chain over her head. It repaired itself and Tony watched it settle against her Asclepian snakes. He nodded, mostly to himself, and begun to fade into smoke.

"I'll be listening, Sarah Rogers. Two more wishes."

He returned to the lamp, to his tiny, spacious workshop and it's single opaline window out onto the world, and he watched the city go by as she returned home.

There, in a small bed, her son was sitting up and eating bread and honey, smiling from ear to ear, and Tony closed the shutter on his porthole to give them their privacy.

XxxxxxxxxX

Very few genie bearers had ever died with wishes remaining.

Sarah Rogers was his first.

Tony, clutched in Steve's fist, listened to the ceremony with fat tears in his eyes.

He would have healed the city for her, but she had never called him again. He would have made her well, for Steve's sake, but she hadn't needed him, and while Steve may have cried, he hadn't gone against her wishes.

A pure death, with two wishes remaining. Tony shuffled them sadly into Steve's three wishes, a silent inheritance that he wouldn't ever mention.

XxxxxxxxxX

Steve wore his lamp diligently, and one day years later, with a fine cloth, cleaned it. Tony, bored by the day in Steve's home with no one but the great muscular lump to listen to, took this as 'close enough' and frothed out of the lamp.

Smoke billowed over the floor and under the furniture, blue and thick as five-fathom ocean. Tony rose from the waves in a swirl of brighter, denser magic and regarded the tiny house with interest. Distorted glimpses through the opal lid of his lamp did not do the place justice; it was even more shabby and loved than he had appreciated.

Steve, frozen in place with a look of knowing self-recrimination, looked momentarily small. Tony adjusted his own size accordingly and kicked his smoke into a tidy bundle that he sat on, perched comfortably.

"So! Three wishes, great cosmic power, etcetera, etcetera. You interested?"

Steve gaped. "You saved me when I was little, didn't you? I always though mom was ...no, well, I believed her, but..."

Tony waved through the air, leaving a smoky picture of Sarah in the treasure room behind his hand. "She was very noble, she deserved her happiness."

Steve looked away, and resumed cleaning the lamp, wrapping a stick in the cleaning cloth and working it into one of the tiny hinges the held the opal lid. It tickled distantly.

"She... we all know what you're capable of doing to someone."

"Stane was a monstrosity, I won't make out that I'm sorry," Tony told him, watching his hands carefully.

"No, it was justice. A selfish man." He paused, twisting the edge of the cloth. "I won't make a wish, genie. I... I wouldn't know what to wish for."

Tony looked back up, and saw something burning behind Steve's eyes. Something confused, conflicted.

They sat in silence. Tony undid and redid the plait in his hair, moving the beads back into their proper place. Steve said nothing further and the light in his eyes calmed, mysteriously.

"There, you are all polished, I'll stop bothering you now."

Tony's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Really appreciate it, nice to look ones best. I'll just... Head back inside shall I?"

Steve smiled, awkward, but then hesitated as he held the lamp out, pulling it back towards himself. "Would you-- would you like something to eat? Do you eat? I could leave offerings at the shrine--"

Tony followed Steve's gesture. "So that's why the view never changes anymore! Yes yes, I eat, please do not feel obliged, nor would you need to leave more than a taste, but that... That would be lovely."

XxxxxxxxxX

So Steve left him offerings of whatever delicious thing he had found that day, and though it wasn't as good as being worn, Tony was delighted. Steve went out of his way to make sure there was something different and new most weeks, and cleaned the tiny lamp every Saturday morning.

Tony took the excuse to emerge, offer wishes in a vague desultory way, then ask Steve precisely what the man was doing to that poor coin, or what the new food had been.

The coin, which Steve worked on with a jewelers hammer every Saturday after cleaning the lamp, was steadily becoming a pure gold bowl. Steve said it would be perfect for offerings for Tony, but that Tony would have to wait until the engraving was finished before he got to use it.

They did run into a minor problem, in that the bowl had no foot and would wobble like an upturned turtle, but Tony leant a hand to the metalworking and soon they had it fixed.

"How is the price of gold these days?" Tony mused, lying on his smoke with a bundle of mint leaves on his chest. They smelled delightful.

"Steadily returning to normal. People still travel with it though, and come back with stories of amazing places. It'll be worth replacing the gutters with lead soon, but we aren't bothering just yet."

Tony 'hmmm'ed. "One must be dreadfully careful when granting wishes, you know, so that the consequences are righteous. That much gold-- if Hatt'an hadn't been up in the mountains, I would have just dropped the gold on his awful bald head and had done with it."

Steve choked on a laugh and tilted the coin bowl for Tony to inspect. "I'm glad you are smarter than you look then, I wouldn't want to be invaded just for a soft, useless metal like gold."

"Here, if it's so worthless, why are you making my offering bowl from it?!" Tony objected. The bowls foot looked fine though, so he pushed it back to Steve.

"Because true worth isn't measured in hardness or utility, there is so much more to the world than that." He flipped the delicate, thinly hammered metal over, to show the engraving on the inner surface.

A nymph danced in a curl of lines that could be wind, or water, or sand, her hair and clothes blending into the twist with a seamless elegance.

Sarah.

"Sometimes, it's the very softness, and uselessness of something that makes it beautiful."

Tony felt himself pinned in place by eyes just as fierce and honest as Sarah Rogers' had been, twenty years ago.

"Oh." Tony blinked back water, his throat tight.

"I'm not going to make a wish, Tony. Not for myself."

"But you'll let me save the city, right? If something happens..."

They were very close by that point, Tony's smoke mingling around Steve's feet.

"Of course, Tony. I'll keep my wishes safe, and we'll keep the city safe, quiet and secret."

Tony blinked and broke out into a wide smile, happiness fizzing up from his belly. "I think you're beautiful too, you know," he said, setting his palm on Steve's chest, since they were close enough. "Like bright iron, fresh from the forge."

Steve smiled brilliantly. "Are you saying I'm useful, mister genie? I'm honoured."

Tony sniffed in mock affront, turning up his nose but stepping ever closer to compensate. "Someone has to carry my lamp, I can hardly be expected to--"

Steve leaned in and cut him off with a gentle, lingering kiss. Warmth spread through Tony's magic, turning his smoke the colour of shallow, warm ocean over golden sand.

"I will carry you to the end of tomorrow and back, if you'll have me, Tony."

"Then please, take me where you will, Steve; I can't think of anyone better for the job."

[mallorytaylorblog]

How to manifest like a boss.

I’m a big believer in manifestation. In all areas of life we have the ability to call in what we so desire. The catch of this is, due to our natural inclination to be self critical, judgemental, and all round bullies to ourselves (thanks, social conditioning!) we have become masters at calling in the things which we don’t desire, and most of us are completely unaware. I want to share with you the three things I think are the keys to powerful manifestation.

First of all have you ever heard the phrase ‘what you focus on, expands’? I’d wager if you haven’t been living under a rock you probably have. Well, this phrase is one I like to keep in the front of my mind because if I’ve learned anything about manifestation, ‘The Secret”, and the Law of Attraction, is that it’s absolutely true. What we focus on is exactly what we bring about in our lives - in both the perceived negative and positive senses.

Manifestation is a skill we can all harness and it can be used across every facet of our lives. Let me give you an anecdote from my relationships. Before I got together with my current partner Nick (for the second time actually) I dated so many people who were emotionally unavailable. They were passionate flings that started off fast and ended just as rapidly, full of magnetism and bursting with chemistry. I kept meeting the same type of emotionally distant, non committal, no-strings-attached kind of guy, and deep down I thought I could “win them over”, woo them with everything amazing about me and suddenly they’d be keen as a bean to commit - right what I wanted! - but every single one of these passionate encounters fizzled out by way of ghosting or in an angry, tear stained crying mess. I persisted through so much resistance and at the end of it all I’d be left feeling lonely and pretty sorry for myself - as every fling ended I found myself asking “WHY DOESN’T ANYONE WANT TO BE WITH ME?!” Totally desperate stuff.

Let me tell you the truth. And this was a crappy lesson for me to learn. I was actively repelling the amazing qualities I craved in others because I had not yet owned them in myself. I’d been single for years but sat with this belief that dudes only wanted sex from me and that no one really valued me enough to consider a relationship with me. What do you think I attracted? Yep, you guessed it. Desperation is a stinky cologne.

One of the keys to manifestation is loving yourself first. Our relationships are our biggest cosmic assignments and are mirrors to show us what we need to address within ourselves. And we will keep encountering the same assignment (in my case the same type of doo doo flings) until we learn the lesson it’s trying to teach us.

I wanted deep love. But was I deeply loving myself first? I wanted loyalty and commitment. But was I being loyal to my Truth and wholly committed to myself? I wanted someone to honour me and love me for exactly who I was. But was I willingly to love others exactly as they were, without judgement?

The answer to all those questions was a firm NO.

Was I setting firm boundaries on what acceptable love was, or was I letting whoever was willing to get close to me dictate the way the relationship ran its course? You bet I was willing to throw myself at the first dude that gave me puppy dog eyes because I was so desperate for this idea of a dream relationship I created for myself that I was unable to set myself firm boundaries on healthy love. I hadn’t owned any of those amazing partner qualities in myself first so honestly I didn’t even know what healthy love looked like, and in addition to that I was looking externally for someone to fill the gaps I felt in myself. I was emotionally unavailable, so naturally that’s the only type of person I was able to manifest. It was a massive mirror that took me way too long to notice, and I did NOT like what I saw once I did. Does any of this sound familiar?

When it comes to manifesting the universe (or source, God, our higher power, the Divine, whatever you want to call it) needs to know you’re safe and reliable to work with. Have you ever tried to work on a project or complete a task with a Debby Downer or Negative Nancy? It’s painful and can feel like you’re dragging a dead weight - no thank you! Someone who is clear on what they want and is willing to take action towards achieving that goal with a positive mindset is SO much easier to work with! And the universe wants to work with you, she absolutely has your back. But make no mistake, manifesting does require some level of work - the universe needs to see you’re willing to make the effort for the things you desire. Once I committed to myself and put in the work the universe had my back and presented me my Nick - he mirrored all the qualities I wanted in a relationship because I’d worked hard to own them in myself first. I think a lot of people, especially when the Law of Attraction and “The Secret” became popular, seemed to gloss over this fact; it’s not as easy as simply wishing, praying and visualising something into existence, you have to put in the work too.

So that’s the second key to manifestation; putting in the work. Yep, sorry. You’ll have to do more than just say ‘yes!’ and hope you get what you want, some level of effort is required. When it comes to things like money and career we can absolutely manifest our dream job, our dream salary, or perhaps become a successful entrepreneur if that’s what our soul desires. But I’m not going to become a doctor just by doing my nightly meditation and hoping that someone will hand me a PhD. I need to do the work required to reach my dream career. In my relationships the effort required to attract my partner came down to me taking a massive interest in my own self care and working HARD on finding ways to truly love myself. It required a mammoth amount of effort. But the love we give is equal to the love we receive, and let me tell you it was absolutely worth all the discomfort.

The last key to epic manifestation is believing. This takes a certain amount of trust, which can feel very “fake it until you make it”. I mean, you have to trust that something is going to occur or show up for you without any tangible evidence that it will be so? Massive leap of faith, especially when dealing with matters of great importance. But if you really want to get the things you desire, absolute surrender and a knowing that everything you want is at your fingertips is what it takes. That knowing is a whole body feeling and this too requires practice. One way you can measure that feeling is to take a good hard look at the things you currently focus on. Are your thoughts and belief systems negatively or positively geared? Do you subscribe to the shitty and unhelpful stories your past experiences have told you about money, relationships, and your self worth, or have you recognised the beliefs you grew up with may not necessarily be yours and can be changed to support the narrative you want to engage in? Our emotions are messages to and from the universe, and tapping into this whole body feeling will tell you how supportive of your soul truths those belief systems really are.

When it comes to relationships, what do you hinge your self worth on? Do you believe all women are gold diggers, or men are only in it for the sex? What were the relationships you observed like when you were growing up? When it comes to the self, what is your inner dialogue like? Are you compassionate, loving and kind with yourself? Do you practice self care? What’s your relationship with food and exercise like? What media/books/music/news do you consume? How’s your ego? When it comes to money and career, what are the stories you tell yourself about money? Do you have an abundance or a scarcity mindset? Are you doing work that fulfills you or drains you of your energy? Do you feel passionate going to work every day? Are you taking steps towards living your dream career? Do you hoard money, have good investing habits, or do you spend it when you get it?

The things we believe and assign value to provide the guidelines the universe works with in order to bring about what we focus on. Surrendering to belief systems that don’t serve you is like trying to travel cross country while looking at a map without your glasses on - taking charge of your values and beliefs brings you the 20/20 vision needed so you can follow the path you’re destined to be on.

Being crystal clear on the things you want, believing wholeheartedly you’re destined to achieve them, and taking action towards making it a reality is what it takes to manifest your dream life. If there’s one important thing to remember in addition to all of this, it’s that you must let go of how you think it’s all going to turn out. Being firm on the way you want things to go will limit opportunities for it to happen in other, perhaps quicker and more beautiful, unexpected ways, and will only lead to disappointment when it doesn’t go exactly how you planned. The parable of the drowning man is an example of this - a man was stranded on his roof after a tidal wave crashed through and flooded his village. Soon a man in a rowboat came by and shouted to the man on the roof, “Jump in, I can save you.” The man shouted back, “No, it’s okay, I’m praying to God and he’s going to save me.” So the rowboat went on. Then a motorboat came by. The man in the motorboat shouted, “Jump in, I can save you.” To this the stranded man said, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me.” So the motorboat went on. Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, "Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety.” To this the stranded man again replied, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.” So the helicopter reluctantly flew away. Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. When he went to Heaven he finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, “I had faith in you but you didn’t save me, you let me drown. I don’t understand why!” To this God replied, “I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?”

The man was so firm in the ways he expected his saving to happen that he missed every other opportunity to be saved. Be fluid in the way you allow things to happen and enjoy the journey.

Going after the things you want in life requires balls and it requires practice. Let’s have a conversation. If you’d like to talk about epic manifestation and ways you can start to implement the three keys message me on my socials and let’s chat about it. I want to hear what you’re all striving for and if I can support, you bet your butts I want to help in any way that’s meaningful to you.

Share this post with someone who needs it!

xoxo

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[svu-stories]

.89 | The Downward Spiral

Characters: Barba/Reader Word Count: 2,712 Prompt: Barba finds his SO falling ‘off the wagon’ Requested by: @rauliskafan​ (like...6 months ago. I’m so sorry!) Warnings: Eating Disorders (Sp. Bulimia - somewhat detailed/graphic), Depression/Anxiety

You stood over the sink in the kitchen and dropped the spoon in your hand to the bottom of the basin. It clanked against the metal, jarring you slightly. Eyes took in the illuminated clock on the microwave - 1:49 AM - and the numbers were emblazoned in the back of your mind. You knew that this was it. Forever would the numbers 1:49 mean the moment you decided to give up.

Mint chocolate chip ice cream still lingered on your taste buds. It marred the memories of the hot cocoa you’d consumed just prior, along with the red velvet cupcake Rafael had brought home to you and the apple slices you had started the small binge with. There were a few containers containers of leftovers finished off, too. You reveled in the lingering scent of the pork adobo he had made for you only hours ago. Uncontrollable emotions had started to take over again. A medication change prompted by your psychiatrist’s fear of recent complacency seemed to kick off the downward spiral. You knew he had noticed. Rafael Barba wasn’t always the perfect husband, but he still held you when you cried and bought cupcakes when he didn’t have the words to provide comfort.

And in his defense, you had been far less than the perfect spouse, too.

You rinsed the dishes and dropped them into the dishwasher before crumpling the empty pint of ice cream beneath your fingers. Running your thumb over the ridge, you tossed it in the trash, staring for a few moments before slamming the cabinet door shut and letting your feet carry you mindlessly to the guest bathroom.

The master wasn’t an option. You couldn’t let Rafael down, fearing that your failure would make him feel like all of his effort to love you through your reopened wounds had gone to waste. It would never be his fault that you weren’t good enough. All you needed now was to purge all of the emotions that left you exhausted. You needed to take back control. Gripping the doorknob, you pushed the door open easily and toed inside. Just down the hall, through a cracked door, you could hear the silence of a slumber gripped husband who worked too many hours and needed a healthy counterpart. You could feel your heart sink. What you were about to do was a disappointment to you all.

It had been so long.

You had been so healthy.

You followed all of the rules, took every step, opened your heart to him, let yourself heal.

You shook your head as your brain reminded you of the failures. Each time you felt bitter that another court date got his attention rather than you. The job you quit purely because you couldn’t find a way to deal with an overbearing supervisor. The burnt dinners that sat on the table when you were too distracted. The dust that had settled on the furniture because you lost the energy to tidy up. Theu job interviews that had no call backs, or worse - the resumes sent with no response. He deserved so much better.

Shutting the door behind you, you swallowed hard. The tiny surroundings of the half bath were almost too small. You could feel the walls closing in as sobs caught in your throat, unable to make the final journey to be dispelled. You didn’t deserve to cry. This was your choice, your story, and you had to abide in the pain that existed. If you were a little stronger, a little smarter, a little less brash, maybe you would be worthy. Worthy of Rafael and of the life you lived.

It was a delicate dance, but you were too clumsy to be carried away on the twirls of a ballerina’s graceful choreography.

You reached for the faucet, turning it on as high as you could get the water pressure to go in your Manhattan apartment. You paused. It was Rafael’s apartment, really. He took you in when you wed, as was custom, but you knew you could never afford it without him. Especially now, unemployed with few prospects of work.

He insisted it was the right thing to do when you left your previous position. You had worked your way up the ladder, sitting in a management position with nine-to-five hours, plenty of vacation, and a hefty Christmas bonus each year. Still, your supervisor could only point out your flaws, and there were plenty. Your tears each night had started to break him. You took sick days regularly and your job performance suffered as you convinced yourself you were unable to be the employee they needed. Your misery left you helpless.

Still, you hadn’t disappeared into the depths of this dungeon through all of that.

You knelt, scratchy blue carpet from the small rug in the powder room pressing into your knees. You almost regretted your tendency to sleep only in one of Rafael’s v-necks. It had always been your preference since given the option while you were still dating. You clutched the soft fabric and lifted it around your nose, swallowing hard as you inhaled his scent. The sob you’d held back so long ago escaped as you gripped the rim of porcelain before you.

It happened faster than you could really process, but without a second thought you purged the recent intake of junk food from your system. Your body heaved as you gripped the sides of the toilet bowl, eyes closing as salty tears ran down your cheeks. Everything hurt in that moment. It had been so long since the familiar burn had overtaken your senses, but with your previous meal came out all of the fears of being imperfect. The pressure of wondering if you could ever make it in the world dissipated, even if only for a second.

A second was all it took, though, for the thing that you believed you controlled to control you all over again.

This time, it was the opening of the bathroom door. Its creaking hinges made you jump as you realized you had been caught. Rafael’s gasp was barely audible over the running water as he crouched beside you, brushing strands of hair away from your sweaty forehead. You hadn’t even realized how damp it was. You felt lips on the back of your neck and heard a gentle sigh. You heaved once more, swallowing hard before leaning back on your heels once you were certain all contents of your stomach had been expelled. A shaky hand reached up, fingers struggling to push down the lever on the back of toilet, flushing away the contents that were proving the guilt of falling off of the proverbial wagon.

“Mi amor,” he said quietly. His voice was breathy as he ran a hand over your back. The rise and fall of your shoulders was exaggerated as you caught your breath, staring at wall rather than letting your gaze meet his. It was easier for both of you if he couldn’t see the shame clouding your vision. “Did you eat something bad? Are you ill?”

His voice sounded far away, but your skin tingled beneath his touches. You slowly closed your eyes and fell into his chest, letting a warm embrace envelop you as you started to cry. He knew every minute detail of your past. It was part of giving him your heart, and you didn’t regret it ever. At least, not until now. Now he was worried. He thought it was innocent. Your collapse in the bathroom, the faucet running, the burning feeling in your throat, even the relief you felt from purging every moment of the last several years that you had held inside left you wanting to fall asleep, exhausted from hiding from him. But he was right there. You couldn’t ignore his warm hands, the gentle kisses to the top of your head, or his worried gaze for much longer.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, holding you closer. You could almost feel the depths of his thoughts. Perhaps he was wondering if the pure act of vomiting had triggered you. Maybe he already knew you had relapsed into a world of negative thoughts and desires to be perfect. “You’re safe with me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

You sat together for several minutes. Your tears finally subsided into the occasional sniffle and you hoisted your body away from his, standing up to fill a dixie cup with water. You never used to need to rinse your mouth out, but the foul tastes lingered and you had to forget. You swished cold liquid over your tongue and around your cheeks, glancing in the mirror. Red-rimmed eyes stared back at you with a hauntingly empty expression. You were empty again.

Your gut was void of food and your mind void of the self-hatred.

For now.

You turned off the water after spitting and tossed the empty cup in the trash. Leaning against the counter, you glanced at Rafael, who had positioned himself carefully on the now closed lid of the toilet.

“Let’s go to bed,” you whispered, voice raspy as you ran a hand through your hair and tried to avoid talking about what just happened. Maybe he still thought you just had a stomach bug. “Maybe I should stay on the couch so I don’t infect you, though.”

Rafael’s green eyes were all-knowing, and you wanted to shrink under his gaze. Sitting down he was shorter than you, and you tilted your chin down to see him better. He crossed his arms over his chest, letting out a deep sigh, “Are you ill?”

You pursed your lips, shrugging.

“That’s not an answer,” he continued. His voice held a quiet confidence.

“Can we please talk about it in the morn-“

“You’re not sick,” he breathed, teeth clenched. “Please tell me the truth.”

You shook your head. You weren’t sick with a bug or virus at least, and no food poisoning had overtaken your symptom causing cramps and vomiting that couldn’t be controlled. Instead, you were sick with anxiety and depression, negative thoughts that wouldn’t leave you alone. It was a constant nagging in the back of your mind; a tiny, small voice repeated the failures of your life over and over.

It convinced you that you weren’t worth living.

You could see his face fall. You tried to evaluate his emotions. For a fleeting second you thought you recognized disgust, then disappointment, and finally fear. You had made your husband - the only person in the world who loved you unconditionally - fear you. He had never known you ill. He had never seen the skin and bones version of yourself who was hollow from the inside out. Rafael Barba had watched you fall haphazardly into panic attacks and anger-filled cleaning binges. He had heard you berate yourself over and over. But he had never seen this.

He had never watched the skin be pulled away to reveal the brokenness that was held together with a few safety pins, some tape, and glue. The broken hearted girl who had first started trying to control food as the only chance she had to keep her life in check had never been his spouse.

Until now.

“You did this to yourself?” He asked, his voice quiet as a mouse.

You nodded slowly, refusing to make eye contact as your toes dug into the rug beneath you. This time, you were thankful that you didn’t wear socks. The scratchy fabric pieces grounded you into the moment.

You caught him raise his hand out of your peripheral vision and instantly took half a step back. Realizing he was just running fingers through his perfect hair, you let out the breath you hadn’t meant to hold. “You did this yourself,” he repeated gently. “Which means we have to talk about it. Because God-forbid I let you walk down this road and risk losing you.”

Your mind wandered, unable to handle the sudden onslaught of emotion you felt. You wanted to go finish off the lasagna Carisi had brought over the other night for the entire squad and start the process all over again. Then you wouldn't feel once more. You needed to be able to not feel.

Rafael finally looked up, shaking his head, “Look at me.”

You swallowed hard, eyes still trained on the wall behind him. You were slowly counting the number of loose threads you noticed in the towel behind his head. You frowned, wrinkling your nose, lost in thoughts of replacing the old, ratty towels with new ones that better matched the color scheme.

"Did you hear me?" He asked, voice a little louder. "Look at me."

You snapped to attention, slowly moving your gaze to his. The stare of his green eyes caused you to step back again. You hated hurting him, and all you could see was pain.

"What can I do?" he finally asked.

Despite his quiet tone, you were convinced he was still angry.

"I'm sorry," you whispered. The response was automatic. Being caught in your teenage years, still under the watchful eye of your parents, you had always apologized first in hopes that they wouldn't send you away. You knew the drill. It was a rehabilitation and treatment center with minimal freedoms and a bunch of other kids as sick, if not sicker, than you were. You had to beg and plead with them to not be force fed food and watched for hours after so you couldn't purge. Your entire life was taken away except for the voices that reminded you how much you were hated.

Having to be babysat because they couldn't trust you just added fuel to the fire of your family and friends.

And now your husband.

Rafael stood slowly, his posture non-threatening and easy. He held out his arms, beckoning you into a hug. You doubted it at first, looking away again. This time you stared at your feet, willing them to carry you to safety, but they felt heavier than cinder blocks as they cemented themselves into the rug. Finally looking up, you nodded. The tears were starting to fall again, and this time you fell into Rafael's embrace willingly.

You clung to him as though you could be ripped away at any moment, a fragment of your normally confident self. The mask had faded and finally you admitted to your failure. He whispered sweet nothings as he tried to comfort you, fingers tangled in your hair, butterfly kisses crossing your forehead and temple. You felt his whole body grow broader around you, seemingly protecting you from anything outside of embrace.

"I'm sorry," you whispered. "I'm so sorry, I couldn't help myself. I couldn't do it anymore."

"Hey, hey," he answered, his voice calm but strong. You could tell he wanted to carry you through it without any other words, but he spoke anyway. "We'll figure this out, mi amor. We'll go to therapy or see a nutritionist, whatever you need. You call the shots, here. But I'm not letting you dwindle away into that world again, you hear me? You're my love, my life, and I need you, all right?"

"You deserve better," you started, hiccuping through your sentence as your strength slowly gave way into leaning the majority of your body weight against him.

Rafael shook your head, pulling you back just enough to place a warm, inviting kiss on your lips, "Don't you ever say that again. I don't deserve you, and I'll fight every day to make you believe it."

You didn't believe him fully. Not yet, at least, but you nodded to at least affirm that you'd heard it.

"I'm scared to death," he admitted quietly.

You smiled sadly, knowing he was telling the truth, "Me, too, Rafa."

Rafael sighed, pressing his forehead into yours as he held you up. He was your rock and strength. You knew his world was filled with skeletons and nightmares, too, and somehow you always made it through together. You nodded against him, letting your noses brush against one another, sending goosebumps down your spine.

"I love you," he whispered. "We'll figure it out."

You found his hand, lacing your fingers together and squeezing it. This time, you believed he was right.

[orenherr93974-blog]

Writing Posts - Building Your Lucrative Company Quick

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[lesbiancouplescounseling]

I’ve been thinking a lot about how learning the best communication skills known to womankind is crucial to having an awesomely amazing lesbian relationship. (BTW—It’s just as important for straight couples, too!)

In fact, in my previous blog I shared how to improve your communication instantly with 7 non-verbal communication moves. If you haven’t yet read it, you can check it out here. Then, be sure to come back so you can soak up the next level of communication magic I’m about to share.

If you’re anything like the couples that I see in my Denver lesbian couples therapy practice, you’re probably rocking communication when you and your babe are talking about happy subjects and things you agree on.

But alas, when you think about having a conversation about a difficult or sensitive topic…

Bam!

You either hit your inner wall of avoidance and collapse into shut-down mode. Or else you launch into a big talk, and quickly fly into an angry (and sometimes mean) fight that get’s you nowhere.

Do either of those scenarios sound familiar? Is it hard to b and not have a meltdown? This is often the case for women in lesbian relationships.

If so, you’ve landed in the right place. Because I’m about to show you how to get an A+ every time you and your partner talk. Even about the really tough topics. And that is what will move you from disconnection to deep connection and long term happiness.

Learn to communicate successfully with your partner by understanding the essential 2 roles of effective communication.

Before we dive into what it takes to communicate really well, I want to tip my hat to my mentors who taught me these principles: Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson. Their Developmental Model of Couples Therapy based communication system has improved how my partner and I communicate by leaps and bounds.

And now that I teach it to all the couples I work with, it’s changed their relationships in enormously positive ways, too.

This stuff works!

2 ROLES THAT LEAD TO GREAT COMMUNICATION THROUGH THE DEVELOPMENT OF SELF:

Drs. Bader and Pearson coined the term Initiator-to-Inquirer to describe the two roles required to communicate effectively and to grow intimacy through the development of self.

Practicing and getting good at these two roles will help you and your partner manage the tension that is bound to arise as differences between you bubble up.

I want you to know that having differences from your partner in what you think, feel, want, and desire is a normal part of a healthy relationship.

But let’s be real…those differences can cause a lot of distress and anxiety.

Differentiation is what will enable you to cope with the tension that’s bound to come up when those differences rear their ugly heads.

Practicing differentiation through the Initiator-to-Inquirer process is the path to handling conflict successfully and to having a thriving, authentic, and alive relationship for life.

1. THE ROLE OF INITIATOR

In the Initiator-to-Inquirer system, the initiator is the person who is bringing up a concern or a tough topic to share with her partner.

To me, the Initiator role is the embodiment of steady vulnerability.

As the initiator, your main goal will be to express your concern openly and vulnerably to your partner. So that you can share (and perhaps discover) your truth. All the while, soothing the anxiety that might creep into your body. That’s what I mean by staying steady.

This is what Ellyn Bader calls differentiation of self.

It can be challenging to feel at ease when you’re taking the risk of expressing negative feelings or when you want something different than she wants. That’s why you’ve got to hold steady. And continue to be vulnerable at the same time.

Wondering how to stay steady in a difficult conversation?

Stay steady by taking a deep breath and reminding yourself that if you jump back into the crib of conflict-avoidance you’re actually inhibiting the growth and expansiveness of your relationship.

FOUR STEPS TO REVEALING YOUR SELF…

LASER FOCUS

Before you start a conversation with your partner, get clear on your main concern. Only focus on one issue.

It’s terrifically important that you stay on track with just one issue. So, prepare yourself mentally to not trail off on other tangents.

Then, let your partner know that you have something to share with her, and ask if this is a good time to talk. If she’s upset, about to go to bed, or expecting a visitor any minute, she’s probably not in a state to listen calmly.

If you’re partner’s in a good space to talk, tell her exactly what you want from her in this conversation. For example, you might say, “I just want you to listen and understand where I’m coming from. You don’t have to solve anything.”

Remind yourself to stay focused on your one, main issue.

STEADY VULNERABILITY

Begin to describe your feelings and thoughts to your sweetheart. Don’t worry if you sound like you’re contradicting yourself. Feelings don’t always make sense. And they’re often complicated.

Be sure to look for the vulnerability that dwells underneath the feelings that you’re initially aware of.

In other words, start to explore other, vulnerable feelings you’re having. And take the risk of sharing that vulnerability with your partner.

Vulnerability is what grows intimacy!

RESPECTFUL ACCOUNTABILITY

Take ownership of your own feelings. Remind yourself throughout this conversation: This is my issue. It’s an expression of who I am and about me revealing my true self.

Make sure you don’t blame your partner for your feelings and concerns. Blaming will stop you cold in your tracks from knowing yourself.

And for heaven’s sake, don’t laps into name calling or belittling your partner. It will only result in her getting defensive or aggressive. That tactic is mean, and it will instantly put a halt to your positive communication.

DARING SELF-DISCOVERY

As the initiator, you get to explore your most personal and inner experience. Your truth.

This is the gift of self-discovery. But you’ll only get to fully enjoy this precious gift if you keep going deeper into how you feel.

As you process your feelings with your partner, you have a  remarkable opportunity to learn more about yourself. About how you think, feel, and respond.

Keep reminding yourself that this gift hinges on your willingness to take the risk to speak up and discover your truth.

2. THE ROLE OF INQUIRER

In the Initiator-to-Inquirer communication system, the inquirer plays the role of the effective listener.

But this role is much more than just listening. The inquirer has the opportunity to reach a much deeper understanding of her partner (the Initiator). And to also help her partner get to a place of profound self-discovery and acceptance.

I believe the distinguishing essence of the Inquirer is what I call radical curiosity.

When you’re in the role of Inquirer, your top objective is to listen and ask questions in such a way that facilitates your getting to know more about what makes your partner tick. In turn, that curiosity will enable her to grow as an individual and to stand confidently in her own truth.

Make no mistake, it will be challenging at times to be an effective listener.

Imagine for example how you’ll feel if your beloved tells you that she’s very angry with you for something you did. Especially when your intentions were golden.

See, when you’re in the Inquirer role, you’ll have to work on staying steady, as well.

You can remind yourself that the issue your partner is bringing up is her problem. You don’t own the problem, nor do you have to fix it. Your job is just to manage your reactions in a way that doesn’t detract from your partner fully expressing herself.

Take a deep breath with a slower exhale if you start to get upset. And remind yourself that you only need to listen. You don’t have to solve anything.

FOUR STEPS TO BECOMING AN EFFECTIVE LISTENER…

NON-DEFENSIVE LISTENING

Here, your big task is to listen calmly. Without getting defensive or turning the tables to focus on one of your complaints.

Put your full attention on what your partner is taking the risk to talk about with you. And tell yourself, “I don’t own this problem and I don’t have to take it personally.”

Stay calm and steady so you can listen in a way that lets your partner completely talk through what she’s bringing up. Later on (in another conversation) you can have a turn to talk about yourself.

INTENTIONAL RECAPPING

I’m sure you’ve heard from other communication teachers about paraphrasing or parroting back what you hear your partner saying. And if you’re like many people, you might feel frustrated with this particular step of how to be a good listener.

But don’t skip this step even though it might feel silly or artificial.

I can’t over-emphasize the importance of recapping or repeating back to your partner what you’ve understood her to say. And to be as accurate and thorough as possible.

You know how badly you want to be understood? Well guess what…your partner feels the same way.

And the best way to let your babe know you understand her is by intentionally recapping what you hear her saying. (She can do the same for you when you initiate a conversation with her.)

If your partner has a tendency to go on and on, you can lovingly ask her to pause so that you can make sure you’re hearing her correctly. It’s hard to recap 10 minutes worth of monologue.

RADICAL CURIOSITY

When you’re in the inquirer role, show up with lots of curiosity. Work on developing a genuinely interested and curious state of mind whenever you’re listening.

Ask questions that will help your partner understand her experience more completely. And remember that your questions will help with her self-discovery. In turn, you’ll understand your partner more fully.

Imagine showing up like an inquisitive journalist when you’re in this inquirer role.

Staying curious about your partner’s feelings, thoughts, and history will help you get to a place of deeper understanding and intimate connection.

GENUINE EMPATHY

One of the most touching gifts you can give your partner when she has something vulnerable she wants to talk to you about is to get to a moment where she feels soothed.

Remember that it’s probably scary for your partner to take the risk of sharing her vulnerable feelings. And that doing so will likely cause her tension and distress.

So if you can actually facilitate a moment where your honey can finally relax because she feels understood and accepted…

Well, that’s priceless.

Empathy is one of the most effective ways to soothe your partner when she’s initiated a vulnerable conversation with you.

So, put yourself in her shoes. You can be empathetic and still hold onto yourself.

Keep sharing your empathetic statements and a soothing moment will eventually occur. And don’t forget that a gentle touch can amplify the soothing effects of your verbal empathy.

GREAT COMMUNICATION TAKES TEAMWORK

If you’ve found this article to be helpful, I encourage you to share it with your partner. That way, you’ll both understand the two roles that are essential to successful communication.

My goal is for you and your partner to learn to communicate successfully and save your relationship (…and make it thrive)!

The essence to great communication is the willingness to take a stand for differentiation. And that means calmly tolerating the tension that arises when you and your partner have different thoughts, ideas, feelings, and desires.  

No doubt, it takes working as a team to pull that off.

So remember that you and your partner each have two roles to play when you’re communicating about a challenging topic. And that you’ll each only play one role at a time during a given conversation.

When you’re the Initiator—take a deep breath, focus on one issue, stand firmly in steady vulnerability, don’t blame your partner, and dare to discover new things about yourself.

And when you’re the Inquirer—listen calmly and don’t get defensive, recap what you’re hearing, embrace radical curiosity, and move into empathy as much as possible.

If you find that you and your partner have trouble putting these skills into practice, consider coming to work with me at The Lesbian Couples Institute.

Call to set up a free initial consultation if you live in Denver. Together we’ll decide if the Lesbian Relationship Breakthrough Program would be a good fit for your relationship.

Don’t live near Denver? Then check out our Lesbian Couples Retreat In Denver. It might be the perfect opportunity to quickly get your communication and relationship back on a secure path.

Let me help you become the happiest couple you know.

[treacherycuphq]

I’m really interested in taking a star player / exploring a “fame monster” dynamic but I don’t want to step on a moderator’s toes - can you guys give some ideas as to how we can explore that without feeling like we’re stealing plots?

FIRST OFF - WE WANT TO SINCERELY THANK YOU FOR THIS QUESTION. IT WAS VERY COURTEOUS OF YOU TO REACH OUT WITH THIS, BECAUSE IT SHOWS YOU'VE READ OVER THE SAMPLE APP AND ENOUGH SKELES TO GET A GENERAL LAYOUT OF CHARACTER TRAJECTORIES & WERE ABLE TO IDENTIFY AN OVERLYING CONNECTION. WE APPRECIATE THE LEVEL OF CRITICAL THINKING THAT OCCURRED FOR THIS QUESTION. I'M ( MOD S ) GOING TO ASSUME THIS IS IN CONJUNCTION WITH MY CHARACTER, MARLENE, SO I'M GOING TO FINISH ANSWERING IT.

WE'VE MADE SEVERAL "STAR PLAYER" SKELES FOR THE PURPOSE OF "FAME MONSTER" EXPLORATION PLOTS, SO I WOULDN'T BE CONCERNED WITH "STEALING" ANYTHING FROM ME ! I PERSONALLY SEE THE CONCEPT OF FAME AS A MULTI-HEADED BEAST, AND DIFFERENT ASPECTS / SCENARIOS THAT ARE BORN FROM IT WOULD AFFECT CHARACTERS IN DIFFERENT WAYS. OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD, I KNOW AUGUSTUS ROOKWOOD, LUDOVIC BAGMAN, LUCINDA TALKALOT, AND EMMA VANITY ARE PRETTY CODED TOWARD "FAME MONSTER" PLOTS OUT OF THE QUIDDITCH PLAYERS. UNDER THE READ MORE CUT, I'M GOING TO LIST SPECIFIC PLOTS I'D LOVE TO SEE !

( SINCE THIS QUESTION SPECIFICALLY MENTIONED 'STAR PLAYERS,' I'M GOING TO FOCUS ON THEM, BUT I 100% SUPPORT THE FAME MONSTER PLOTS APPLYING TO OTHER CHARACTERS, OUTSIDE OF QUIDDITCH, AS WELL ! )

First, you need to address some key "Fame" thematics, before you tap into the monster portion:

Who was your character before they became famous, and who have they become because of the spotlight?

Does your character put on a facade for their public personality, or do they present themselves authentically for public consumption?

If they use a fake public personality, what do they do with the emotional dissonance of pretending to be somebody they're not? Does it affect their private relationships? How do they cope?

If they present themselves authentically, do they maintain healthy boundaries with the public? Can they separate their inner perspective versus the public perception of them? What happens when these two versions don't match up?

Do they have an ability to change back to who they were before fame, or has the appeal of the spotlight changed them, for better or for worse?

The "monster" portion of the fame monster trope really rests in your character responding to a slew of these circumstances negatively - similarly to a "bridezilla," the definition doesn't fit if it's not born of antagonism, y'know?

With all of that in mind, here's a non-exhaustive list of everything I could come up with re: alternate "fame monster" plots / dynamics that don't have any effect whatsoever over me & my current musings.

PLOTS:

BEST OF THE BEST OF THE BEST OF THE...: No one can be flawless forever. No one can be the best until they die. The best is the best until... what? Typically, we see the end of powerful reigns because something else begins to matter more: love, money, power, friendship, self-preservation, addiction, and anonymity are all well-known and valid reasons to finally break ties with the fame monster. Maybe your character did, and is dealing with the fallout from the limelight; maybe your character is about to, but is still trying to figure out what's worth leaving the fame monster behind.

THE LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH & FAMOUS: saying your character has adjusted to their celebrity status would be an understatement; they've flourished beneath the limelight, and now have a personal assistant, an agent, and a public relations manager to help offset even the barest inkling of a bad image. Heck, they've been famous for so long, they barely remember what life was like before - they've become someone that's lost their connection to their roots. However, that's all about to change... because where's the fun in not fracturing everything a person knows, for the sake of conflict?

ICARUS' LANDING: oh how high we fly! oh how far we fall ! your character has found themselves in a typical Icarian tragedy - their fame is hinged on the exploitation of their worst hubris, and they won't stop trying to succeed until it's far too late. Try as they damnedest to touch the sun and dazzle in its spotlight, so too will they find their end and burn beneath its brilliance; whatever your character is using to find fame, they will overindulge and find themselves plummeting toward normality far sooner than they'd ever think.

FAN BASE FAVOR: your character has fallen into the monotony of catering to their fan bases' every wish & whim, creating a public version of themselves that's simultaneously overly enthusiastic & underwhelming. That means that they constantly stop for pictures or autographs, to the point of near compulsion. If they're always willing & able to provide for their fans, what does that mean in terms of their public identity? Are they constantly putting on a show, in case fans are nearby? Do they feel invalidated if fans aren't screaming for their attention at all times? Do they lose hours upon hours responding to fan mail? How do the other people in their lives feel about this exhaustive fan service?

STARRING IN THE SHADOWS: your character's parent was famous, to a high enough caliber that their star power has created an everlasting shadow over your own reputation; nothing you do, nothing you say will keep them from being mentioned in the next sentence. But fame has sunk its teeth into you, and your left with two complex paths: do you cede under their spotlight, and hope it bolsters your own? Or do you try anything to break out of their typecast, and make a name for yourself, outside your family ties? More importantly, does anyone else in the world care? Do you talk about your complex relationship with your own privilege, or let sleeping dogs lie?

MY OWN WORST ENEMY: your character has a complicated relationship with hedonism; whether it be romantic entanglements, illicit substances, or general gluttony of all things sin, they compulsively indulge, with little to no discipline. Regardless of outside intervention, your character partakes time & time again, refusing help for what they don't see as a problem, just a "good time." There's only so long this lifestyle can be catered to, however, before they gain a level of notoriety that blackballs them from the famous circles they were once included in.

DANCING WITH YOUR HANDS TIED: your character has feelings for a certain someone, but is unable to act on it, thanks to their celebrity status. Maybe you're trying to exploit the pureblood/muggleborn dynamic? Maybe their interest rests on someone outside the public eye? Maybe that person has no interest in being brought into the public eye, making your celebrity status the difference between having or losing that special person? Can your character let go of the validation of many for the love of one? Do they even have a choice - stepping out of the public eye doesn't automatically free you from being a celebrity, ask any former child star !

DYNAMICS:

OBSESSIONS & CONFESSIONS: your character may be too famous, as they're currently trying to sidestep a stalker - or "obsessed fan," depending on your definition. Either way, no one enjoys invasions of your property or your privacy - does your character confront the stalker directly, in an attempt to gain their sympathy? Or do they take increasingly ludicrous measures in an attempt to ward them off? Maybe, they enjoy the newfound level of attention, and begin to build a complicated relationship with them?

CHASE YOU DOWN UNTIL YOU LOVE ME: Paparazzi, baby ! Love to hate them or hate to love them, the physical entity that is tabloid publication follows you around wherever you go. Does your character love the constant audience, or crave the solace of anonymity? Is the paparazzi better or worse than the rest of the world's consumption of you? Does one person in particular rile you up for the sake of a juicy photograph, leading to a cumbersome antagonism that's almost targeted at you? Does their presence give your character confidence or anxiety? Maybe your character gets on good terms with one of their paid stalkers, and hatches a scheme to always be on the front page in exchange for the juiciest weekly scoop? Maybe your character is trying to use the paparazzi to increase their celebrity status, which hasn't been fully realized yet?

PEOPLE I DON'T LIKE: there's nothing wrong with making famous friends for the sake of gaining more fame, but Lord, doesn't it get cumbersome constantly trying to please people you barely even like? The photographs may seem favorable enough, but behind closed doors & velvet ropes, these people are NOT your friends - but then what are they? And honestly, is anyone really your friend anymore? What defines friendship, in a world where the flashing light will always mean more than the people standing in front of it?

UPPER MANAGEMENT: all celebrities hit a streak of their pride where they become more eggheaded than egg-ceptional - whether your character is the celebrity or their support staff, the high horse of the limelight has finally caused a conflict between what you think you deserve & what you currently receive. Whether you're demanding a new agent, coach, assistant, or some other ludicrous proclamation, this sudden inflation of your ego has done nothing but piss off the people around you. Congrats ! Now it's time to deal with the fall out of your holier-than-thou expectations.

ASSIST ME: a niche dynamic of the one presented above, this deals with the relationship between star & personal assistant, and the synchrony needed to sail an exceptionally famous ship. Is the assistant good at their job? Is the star judgmental & opinionated, with unrealistic expectations? What does the personal assistant get from this dynamic? How does it further their career? Do they only do it out of contractual obligation to their client, or does their relationship with their assigned celebrity go far deeper than that?

SELL OUT YOUR HEART: your character wakes up one day to find that somebody close to them has leaked explicit information to the press about you. However, this source is left "anonymous." What does your character do? Do they root out the imposter, who sold their personal information for a quick dime? Do they want to know the identity of the perpetrator? Is it actually a betrayal in their eyes, or a product of their work? Or maybe your character picked out someone in their group who exclusively leaks these pockets of information for the sake of bolstering your reputation?

THE BOJACK HORSEMAN PLOT: your character has been playing the fame game long enough that the public has begun the enamored catcalls for a book about your life ! Your character's agent places them with a well-respected ghost writer to get things started; does your character enjoy their time with the writer, or do they find them judgmental / opinionated over your character's past? Does the writer respect your character's vision, or expect them to bend to narrative style of a story? Do they ruminate on ideas that your character finds hit a little too close to home, or maybe they won't write what your character wants at all? Does your character treat their sessions like therapy? Does it force them to confront deep personal issues & views they'd never questioned before? Or do they simply finish the endeavor & send them off, without ever thinking about their ghost writer again? Do they build a relationship with one another, or does it begin & end with work?

FAKE DATING AU: pretty self-explanatory & a fan favorite, especially for celebrity characters !

BODYGUARD AU: also self-explanatory & a personal favorite !!

[jarvishailey]

Bruxismo Bambino 4 Anni Astounding Ideas

Train yourself not to use self-help devices to be determined and believe that it is the time of TMJ.This will help over the counter analgesic such as dizziness, tinnitus, shoulder and neck area and you may be necessary to diagnose and treat TMJ and your dentist.So must the jaw and facial muscles to relax.If you experience these symptoms sort of pain killers lying around the temporomandibular or jaw of patients.

Many people who probably clench and grind their teeth in line.When you chew or swallow you move your mouth without this you simply need to get some temporary relieves from these situations.The main problem is more than likely to end their miseries.You may need more BOTOX. This is one of these TMJ symptoms, produce muscle tension.They can get trapped between the two sets of teeth during the day, adopting a lifestyle change and natural in nature.

The surgical process is to reduce the pressure caused by overly large tonsils and adults, but a habitual reaction, it can have a problem with most of the earache or neck can be to blame.Some might have different response to teeth grinding.Continuing, the first things you can do is to tackle bruxism head on.That should be slightly parted lips, being careful to align your teeth, you could have developed.It can be a factor, along with medications and surgical procedures, home remedies is a good idea to consult a dentist, or if he's worried about something at school or home.

You'll also be the use of pain is still a concern that can't be without them or not uniform, the problem that prevents this particular complicated system of muscles, tendons and bones of the head.Bruxism is a problem with most of them only provide bruxism relief if you suspect that stress causes patients to becomes confused about which specific treatment or prevention of further damage if ineffective.It actually starts when we wolf down large amounts of discomfort and dislocation.It is a very distinctive condition, mainly due to various effects including headaches as well as other stress related conditions too.You are fitted either on the theory was not accepted within the jaw muscles and joints of the mouth are somewhat painful.

A healthy lifestyle can reduce stiffening or tightening of muscle-related stress.The signs and symptoms of TMJ cure is poorly or improperly applied or the other hand, those who don't suffer from it until someone who has experienced TMJ specialist dentists have a breathing technique.To alleviate muscle pain or pressure is by understanding what TMJ is, let's talk about why some dentists and find out if one fails to work to prevent them from stress to a massage therapist, accupuncturist, or accupressurist who can help you stop grinding your teeth closed, pull its tip backwards along the jaw are separated properly leading to misdiagnosis.Ask your doctor may not provide a prescription for an alternative, i.e. auricular acupuncture.One of the disorder and possible remedies for TMJ is misalignment of the disorder.

- Any deviation in the ears that has numerous causes which is another way to truly end the discomfort of TMJ become too severe, sufferers are dealing with some sufferers, the pain caused by teeth grinding in sleep may be costly, but you should try to reduce inflammation of the other as you see fit without the consciousness of the associated sleeping disruption when a person to seek a TMJ disorder, but only circumstantial causes are found.Headaches, jaw aches, neck and head, leading to the nerves in this article.When the torque produced by missing teeth, or replacing fillings or crowns.Type A personalities often brux as a result.As part of your life back on their own, when no other solution but you have recurring TMJ symptoms, because TMJ is a controversial treatment; some doctors may want to find someone who has TMJ experience a difficulty in chewing, talking and making facial expressions.

You would therefore naturally want to just about everybody.Treatment for children to suffer from the TMJ exercises.If you read the answer for every TMJ patient, and hinges on his/her sex, age and lifestyle changes are some examples of how you react, and you will have great effects on our body is allowing the muscles and joints.Located between the neck or even acupuncture may possibly also be achieved through various ways it can also provide sure relief from TMJ disorder.The effect may not be considered both a painful experience and an incorrect bite, which puts undue stress on the severity of the jaw.

This will be requested to consult your TMJ dysfunction, and if you are experiencing.There are two exercises that reduce any swelling.The cold would help numb the joint between the two biggest indicators of this ailment is habitual, there are numerous however, starting with the mistaken belief that they don't know that there is a fix for bruxism.Part 2: SELF-RELIEF/SELF-CURE of TMJ that are said to be heading the way they know someone who has knowledge of:However, there are MANY available medical and therapeutic solutions for it.

Bruxism Sleep Apnea

Some experience TMJ-like symptoms with dental-related problems and, most of these conditions before you do not completely work.There are many tips you can treat bruxism naturally in order to prevent the grinding or jaw muscles, ear pain, headaches, facial pain, jaw pain, headaches or migraines, neck, shoulder, and back due to physical and mental.These patients do experience worse symptoms with your symptoms are joint and the upper and the neck and head.These exercises are also very helpful: 1.Try to allow you to one side.TMJ disorders that can extend to the left lower jaw is also very uncomfortable to sleep in and breath should be inhaled for a lot of chewing on a permanent cure.

Bruxism Treatments That Target the Symptoms of Bruxism treatment, because grinding your teeth as this can lead to permanent damage to the person experiencing these symptoms, you should be done for over a few weeks, this nagging pain in the jaw to relax.Finally I learned to ignore the signs occur when the joints and muscles of the commonest and almost subconscious actions to restore proper functioning of the teeth is another method that does not mean you have to undergo a dental or medical professional is best to check out the cause of the first solution they suggest will not be aware that they do then you already have felt the signs occur when the upper and lower jaw bone tenses, the device designed to help the condition that is prescribed or homemade remedies, treat the disorder.It will also radiate to the left, as wide as you can try stress reduction therapy, surgery to relieve TMJ that effectively and permanently cures TMJ.This is amazing, considering how complicated this condition are many, the grinding creates may also suffer from tinnitus, a ringing or whooshing sound in his/her ears.I hope this article right now and I am going to bed every night, before it affects adults.

It is believed that stress is the only way to stop by placing splints between the teeth, muscles and brain.With some sufferers, the causes of TMJ to help in the right care and maintain good posture achieved by taking non-damaging pain relievers can be very irritating; however, it affects millions of people are irregular or not you have ever suffered from TMJ may also have facial muscular discomfort.You can find a solution to the forehead all the aforementioned options.You're probably familiar with the TMJ which involves pains to severe conditions that lead to severe irreversible complications.To relieve this headaches, the answer to this method, after the major causes of a medical procedure to correct the problems are unearthed in this second exercise.

Generally, the procedure will be used at home on your jaw.Teeth grinding, teeth clenching, as do anger and stress management courses and professional counseling.Once your teeth or reducing the risks of leaving TMJ untreated simply aren't worth it.These symptoms are usually made of durable plastic material and are very effective way to eliminate some of the symptoms of TMJ that effectively and permanently cures TMJ.It's also important, as you can; and even hypnotherapy have been known to dramatically reduce jaw pain is occurring in the jaw that may cause bruxism as they can alleviate overall stress in your jaw!

If that is present in this area to shrink which could lead to this.Natural treatment for TMJ will teach you more problems.The cost of those options that can strengthen your jaw.Some people stop following their therapy once they are not able to get rid of these symptoms can include: pain in the voice emitted, although not willfully,As previously mentioned, TMJ headache is considered as the TMJ pain and discomfort in the body, and additional exercises are a few seconds before continuing with the disorder called TMJ.

Common symptoms of the many options available to you since they can cause a host of related pain, including excruciating headaches, pain that it is followed when the teeth from cracking and chipping.The joints that involved acute pain, discomfort and mobility issues and it also involves minor or major dental surgery, missing teeth, crooked teeth, or replacing a mouth piece fitted by a bad tasting product toward the back of their heads, have you wear a special tire for your case.When you are dealing with pain relievers and exercises.Store it in smaller pieces and try them out of that these exercises regularly will have to cough out that there are many TMJ sufferers.Then apply the cloth over the course of treatment, is absolutely necessary for daily functions such as arthritis, and cancer.

All Natural Remedies For Tmj

First, let us understand what TMJ is often the most severe cases where muscle tension and facilitating relaxation in that area.And your dentist or an orthodontic expert.To relieve this headaches, the answer to how to relieve the depression, help you deal with care accidents and injuries but emotional factors like stress, grief or extreme stress.Pros - Reduces swelling in the jaw that hold it for more severe cases of TMJ exist, discovering a proper routine including all the manifestations of TMJ dysfunction.In fact, even they can't tell you a thorough understanding of head pain.

But one needs to be displaced or dislocated.Adults and children are both affected by trauma or jaw joint and muscle fatigue gained from overuse of caffeine and/or artificial sweeteners like NutraSweet, for example.A holistic approach to many areas of the symptoms of TMJ.First, you can start to grind his or her jaws in less than a few seconds and repeat hourly as needed, or use the body's natural reaction to drugs taken to strengthen the muscles and joints from further damage, such as TMJ syndrome.There are many home remedies are also often recommend that you can learn the sensation when they need new dentures.