#I mean he has definitely gained weight during covid but certainly not enough for my hopes and dreams

[tomhardysteeth]

Not somebody tagging my tom hardy post saying he got chunky bro I WISH he’d get chunky for real

[datingadviceonreddit]

Throwaway, hope this is a good place for it and sorry if this gets ramble-y. On some downtime recovering from surgery right now and feeling a little lost so any input appreciated 😊Basically looking for some advice on how to feel/make myself more desirable and actually ‘get out there’ once and for all.Little bit of backstory: was painfully shy as a kid until I started theatre and martial arts that bought me out of my shell a little. Was never a particularly popular kid – I was homeschooled so didn’t have that kind of experience until I hit sixth form college (16 – 18 here in the UK) and my parents always focused on my accomplishments and smarts rather than making a big deal of appearance etc so didn’t get much validation that way. I still live with my parents (long story but I had to quit my job at 21 and start end of life care for a family member and burnt through my savings) and we live pretty remote in the countryside so not many opportunities for nights out and all that.So I (23F) have good days and bad days. I could be worse off: I’m 5’2, used to be super athletic but a little softer round the edges now. Definitely don’t feel ‘pretty’ by any means, but I focus on the things I like (hair, eyes, freckles) and I’ve really worked on accepting who I am and I feel a lot more secure these past two years or so. I’ve only had two proper relationships, a guy when I was 16 (we broke up because he kept giving me shit for my birth control weight gain, had a problem with me ‘always being busy’ and took the piss out of the theatre course I’d worked my arse off for 7 months to get onto – found out a day after we ended it that he’d cheated with 4 other girls and my best friend knew but didn’t tell me… yikes) and a guy I met while waitressing when I was 19 who was physically violent and made a slightly lucky escape from (knocked one of my front canine teeth out which I can only just afford to get fixed so I’ve been awfully conscious of that every time I smile for the last 4 years) and I’ve had basically no other male contact than that. Literally ZERO. I’ve had some undesirable stuff, sure. I’ve been catcalled, touched up on a train, followed around London (NB: I’m absolutely NOT on the ‘men are trash’ train, I love guys, hence the post, maybe it’s just got my guard up a little) but I haven’t dated, slept with, flirted with or had any positive or romantic interaction at all outside of those ex’s. I’m absolutely certain there’s only been one guy who’s been interested in that way (more interested than both my ex’s put together actually - we spent the day together at an interview, he was really sweet and attentive, good looking, really helped me out, then went out of his way to walk me 40 mins to the train station because it was getting dark, arm around my shoulders the whole time, thoroughly wholesome dude) but when he went in for a hug goodbye and a kiss on the cheek I got all shy and flustered and left because I have no idea how to navigate guys at all and I kicked myself so bad on the train home. I have this bad habit of blushing wildly which always gets me teased, and I know a bit about body language and I know my voice raises quite a bit when I’m around guys I’m crushing hard on, so I always make an effort to lower it when I’m with them so I don’t seem all smitten and pathetic and fuck it I’m terrified of rejection and never act on my feelings at all. But other than literally him and him alone I don’t seem to get any interest from guys no matter what and it’s silly I know but I feel like there’s something wrong with me, and it’s left me feeling pretty undesirable and shy and I just don’t put myself out there at all.I know on these threads you normally get hit with a ‘learn to love yourself before loving others’ and ‘there’s more to life than attention from the opposite sex’ but honestly a) I’ve been trying/still trying and b) I’m a very affectionate person and giving + receiving affection is important to who I am – I haven’t had a single hug since March because of the Coronavirus lockdown (understandably) and it’s really upset me and got me down. My tank is on empty and I’m touchstarved and I really can’t function like this as a human. That’s just how I am.Another factor that I’m only just coming to terms with the impact of is chronic illness. I’ve been struggling with endometriosis since I was 15 which has had pretty huge ramifications in life (missed weeks of college, got sacked from one job over sick leave, lost friends, sex with second boyfriend was agony, acne went berserk, put on weight, birth control left me depressed and suicidal, other organs are now damaged and effected…) – maybe I shouldn’t go into detail but certainly anyone who knows the conditions knows how much of a bitch it really is and how much it can steal from you.I’ve just got another chronic illness diagnosis this week (also pelvic related due to the damage from endo) which has been devastating but expected. And don’t get me wrong I KNOW it could be worse – I almost feel guilty even referring to it as an issue because so many have it way worse off than me, but it does have a huge impact on my quality of life and how I operate day to day and to put it simply, when I’m heading out the door in the morning I’m not really putting my best foot forward. Especially not as a young woman wanting to get out there and be someone and be something TO someone…At the start of the year I made a list of realistic changes I could make to just be a better version of myself, for me and for others and that’s something I really wanted to nail during Covid lockdown. Stuff like ‘tone up, get tooth fixed, work on posture, try a new haircut’ and I did make some real headway. I removed a lot of stressors from my life, decluttered, started to get organised and generally made myself really proud of how far I’ve come over the last few years and I feel like I VALUE myself more which, spoiler alert, is huge if you’d seen me as a teen. I’m grateful for where I am and yes I’m having some career struggles and whatnot, but I’ve been able to sit back, see my situation, get myself out of debt and when I’m recovered from surgery I can go all out to get where I want to be. So I’m fortunate and I appreciate that. I’d also been able to fix my skin up a little, tackle some of the bloating triggers I normally have which makes a big difference not just in appearance but also in pain and insecurity terms too. I’d also blitzed my closet, chucked out a lot of my years old trackies + oversized tee options which I reach for when I’m feeling sorry for myself and replaced them with stuff that’s comfy enough for when I’m having a flare up but also that’s fitted and suits me well (that’s right kids, I realised I have boobs and a good waist and I’ve never bloody used them!) and will make me feel more confident, feminine and put together when I walk out the door. Huge boost. But then I got sick again ahead of surgery and spent a month in and out of hospital and now I’m home I’m just trying to work out how to pick up the pieces.What can I do to look and feel more desirable to guys? How can I stop being my own worst enemy when I get shy and try to look cool and uninterested? How can I seem like a viable option to someone and not just get swamped by the seemingly endless stream of gorgeous, funny girls who seem to be getting everything right? via /r/dating_advice