#I mean have you SEEN that absolute DUMPY?

[certifiablyinsanez]

I love that everyone forgets that Pentious canonically has the fattest ass in the hotel.

[docholligay]

Yellowjackets S2 E3: Shauna

Hello! This is about up to Season 2, Episode 2 of Yellowjackets, and ONLY that of Yellowjackets. I have not seen beyond this spot, at all, and know NOTHING about this show. Please do not spoil it for me.  Things that are spoilery in nature, for me, include: saying things like  “Just wait!!” confirming or denying anything I put forward, outside information about the cast interviews or creator statements, leading questions like “Do you think “blank moment” means anything?” etc. Remember  that Y’ALL HAVE SEEN THE SHOW AND I HAVE NOT. This informs the way you  talk about things relating to the show. Just be really careful is all  I’m asking. Also: If there is LITERALLY any stance I  could take on this show or character that would make you upset, please  just fucking block the tag

If you WOULD like to discuss the show and my takes on it, the Discord is right here! I don’t go there, so it’s a great place to get every emotion out.

Please thank @sailorsunspot and @moonlight-frittata for backing this odd way of doing a liveblog, and remember my tip jar is always open

I know I said early on that Shauna was much more of a predator than it appeared at first glnnce, but I adored the way the show absolutely laid that bare in this episode. The scene with the chop shop that stole her minivan is one of the best moments we’ve seen for Shauna thus far. Maybe one of my favorite monologues in the show. I could watch it all day. I’ve watched it three times now. Shauna is dangerous, and Shauna is angry. 

Because Shauna has this entire hypothetical version of herself in her head--again, returning to the main point of this episode being about version of yourself--where she was not a dumpy stay at home mom with no prospects. She was a writer, and she was adventurous, and she did things. She never did any of that! It is so convenient to blame the accident for all of this, but I don’t know how true I think that is. Shauna sees herself as a victim to everything in her own life. She sees herself as continually being acted upon, instead of an actor. 

And maybe that’s why we have this moment in the episode, is that the show is telling us that Shauna has the power to change her life. Always has. She is capable of not taking any of this. All of this comes out of the moment she decides not to be a victim. Shauna is fucking done with it. She takes the gun, and she talks herself into being willing to kill, and it takes so little talking. In the moment we see her face change when she decides to hit the carjacker, Shauna has opened something in herself. 

Jeff says, “Were you really gonna get us both killed over our piece of shit minivan?” but he doesn’t realize that at no moment was it about the minivan. It was about not taking it anymore, about becoming a new version of herself, much like an older version of herself. It not about dying for the minivan, it was about killing for it. 

It’s a perfect moment, with the actress, when the chop shop guy tells her just to take the minivan back, and you can see how long it takes Shauna to put the gun down. How hard it is for her to get whats she wants, and not have to kill anyone. How she has longed to feel the power and control she hasn’t felt since they were setting up fucking sharpened pits in the woods and chasing girls to their deaths. IN the moment she hits the guy who is carjacking them and takes his gun, she vibrates with the desire for violence, and it is Jeff, her tie to the normal world who keeps her from it in that moment. 

Even in why she slept with Adam, it’s about wildness. It’s about longing for the chaos, the lack of safety. Something about the ‘boring version of herself’ that didn’t exist out in the cabin, because there was no safety, and in the same way that people on rations get used to things like Spam and fake chocolate, and come to prefer them, Shauna became accustomed to that level of uncertainty. Being in a warm, safe house with ample food became too boring.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Roger & Me (1989)

Roger & Me is not like other documentaries. It has a point to make and facts to show us but the presentation couldn't be more different from its peers. The film should be a lot sadder than it is but the presentation by Michael Moore (his first picture) so expertly showcases the absurdity of what happened to Flint, Michigan, and the quest he embarks upon is so foolhardy, you can’t help but laugh. 

For generations, General Motors was a staple of Flint, Michigan. The company was the city's primary employer until 1986 when GM chairman Roger B. Smith closed all of Flint's plants. Turns out it was much cheaper to build cars in Mexico. The film chronicles documentarian Michael Moore’s efforts to sit down and talk to Roger Smith about the impact his decision has had on his hometown.

Michael Moore has gone on to become a big name, which makes Roger & Me fascinating to watch in hindsight. You can see the seeds of each of his future projects being sown. On its own, it's equally interesting. Moore knows he has no chance of having a face-to-face conversation with Roger Smith about what he's done to the city. Even if he goes through the proper venues, he wouldn't have a chance. The question is, “Why?”. Is it because Roger Smith is afraid of him? How could he be? He's the Chairman of GM. He couldn't possibly care what a scrappy, dumpy-looking documentarian thinks of him. Certainly, he wouldn't care if he really believes he made the right decision when it comes to Flint, Michigan. Considering how persistent Moore proves himself, there's a part of you that wonders why Roger Smith doesn’t just come out in front of the camera and say so. The thing is, the longer the film goes on, the more failed efforts to show a conversation between Moore and Smith we see, the more the truth becomes apparent: the big boss knows he did Flint dirty. Ultimately, he’s afraid to be confronted about it. That’s more than a little surreal. 

The foolhardy errand Moore sets for himself is funny because a part of you wonders if it might actually happen. There's no way it will because you know the regular joe-looking filmmaker is going about it the wrong way. The humor of this foolhardy quest is counterbalanced by many sad sights along the way. This documentary is prime evidence that Flint, Michigan, was absolutely destroyed by Roger Smith’s decision. Some of what the people we meet have to do to survive feels completely out of place in a country like the United States. It’s unbelievable and disturbing, to the point where it comes back around again to become funny. It almost feels made up that the most successful person we see working in Flint is the Sherrif’s Deputy, Fred Ross. He's always busy at work because he spends most of his time evicting families who are unable to pay their rent.

Roger & Me almost seems too good to be true. By that I mean that if you didn't know better, you'd swear some of what we witness was made up. After GM leaves, the city of Flint tries to recover through tactics that you can’t believe a committee would greenlight. As soon as you hear about each plan that's been cooked up, you know it's going to fail and while that will be unfortunate for the city… it will also be hilarious. It’s like this whole situation did something to these people and sucked out their brains or something.

There are several “lightning in a bottle moments” that make for a great narrative, which is ultimately what makes this film successful, memorable and moving. This is a deeply personal journey that shows you what happened in Flint, Michigan, and why what happened there, could easily happen elsewhere too.

While Roger & Me is sad, the mix of humor throughout is terrific. Your tears become tears of laughter. It's a must-see, particularly because the last line in the film (appearing after the credits) is the best final line I’ve ever seen in a documentary. (On DVD, March 31, 2023)

[thenixkat]

The generic pop culture dragon review (4 legs, 2 wings, 1 head) part 1

Meatlung the Gronkle from How To train your Dragon

[id: A render of the dragon Meatlug in flight smiling and looking upwards. She's wearing her saddle. /end id]

7/10. She’s lumpy, dumpy, cute and craggy. Her little wings buzz like a bee’s! This is a dog in the body of a lump. 

Red Death also How to Train Your Dragon

[id: A render of the Red Death standing with its wings folded ad with it’s mouth open. /end id]

[gd: A scene of the Red Death in flight swinging its head around and spewing flames while surrounded by smoke. /end gd]

10/10. This lady is absolutely lovely. She’s hefty and craggy and intimidating. The shape of her mouth, crest, eyes, spines, and tail club are delightfully odd. She’s got 6 eyes! She’s massive but not absurdly big, with nice understated but not murky colors. She’s just a fucking kaiju compared to the others in thsi series, even compared to the other big dragons that lack her heft and menace. Also she actually looks lizardy with her limb proportions and set up.

Saphira from Eragon (film)

4/10. While I love how birdy and functional her wings look, I hate her smooth face and human eyes. Her face gives me ‘how do we show this dragon is female?’ vibes in a way that I hate. Her coloring is too muted and uniform and her freaky human eyes don’t stand out as much as they should.

Saphira from Eragon (book cover)

5/10. She’s got a much more visually interesting face. Look at those tentacle eyebrows and horse nose/fleshy beak  combo. The lenth of the scales on her neck give of an impression of feathers. 

Dragon from Shrek

5.5/10. Visually she’s not much to look at. And her wings are very nonfunctional looking (they’re barely attached). But the make up is fucking wild. Also she straight up ate the bad guy, which is something I always want good guys to do. (Like Shrek, Fiona, yer fucking ogres. Ogres specifically eat people. Eat the fucker you don’t like). The donkey dragon babies she ends up having are certainly... a choice.

Draco from Dragonheart

7/10. One of those dragons who’s def a character with their own story. Not personally a fan of ‘the last dragon’ plots but I like that this dragon does have some magic. Also how many dragons have you seen that participate in conning people?  I dislike how his colors don’t really pop and run together, brown is a good color but ya gotta use it right. His wings also bother me. They’ve got good surface area but they don’t really attach to his body.

Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty

8/10. This is a lovely design. I love how chunky she is and how emotive her spines are. The color of her tongue makes it look like a flame. Also the big ass nostrils and beak are very fun. Her tail is forked as in actually forked. Also she’s a fairy dragon and compared to everything else I’ve seen labeled as a fairy dragon, she’s a breath of fresh air.

Slyrak from Dota: Dragon’s Blood

8/10. Hard to find good pics of this man. This dragon is voiced by Tony Todd, this dragon has a sexy voice. The whiskers/tentacles on his face are a good touch. He’s got an interesting aged and lanky feel, very craggy old man, with good wings that show tattering. What’s really impressive is how feared this dude is, his sheer fucking fire power, and also the fact that he’s intelligent and still fucks people up just b/c he feels like it.

Dark Dragon from Burn The WItch

8/10. Before its face slid off it was delightfully cute in a lumpy way. Then its fucking face slid off for a lovely dash of horror on this otherwise cartoony sauropod shaped dragon. I love it.

Cinderella from Burn The Witch

10/10. I love her. We see her in multiple forms. Her second form is so very Digimon, she’s so gangly and awful bird. She can turn invisible. Her majestic form only happens under moonlight and she’s so graceful and glittery. But the glitter is bombs and she’s mean. Also the lace-like patter at the edge of her wings is a nice touch. And so is the continued birdyness in this nigh-unkillable murder machine. My biggest complaint is that her name should have been something like Ugly Duckling instead of Cinderella b/c that fits so much better.

[mooshs-crack-headcanons]

Okay new Tails-tube short came out and I want to talk about it (mostly about Knuckles edition)

Under the cut because I go on a bit:

#1 Knuckles voice and character direction:

I absolutely love this new Knuckles voice a LOT. Of course Knuckles is being voice by Dave Mitchell, with his first Knuckles role being in Team Sonic racing where his voice there wasn't exactly bad to say but it was clearly trying tbh a bit to hard to be a Travis Willingham impression which I get for the sake of continuity but in that game at least it just seemed kind of too forced and a bit too noticeable to say at least. However, now as this short proves that he is no longer trying to do the Travis impression and is doing his own take on the character which is good!

Like I was very grown used to Travis' Knuckles when having his voice in so many games for so long and I believe personally Boom!Knuckles (at least when ignoring the canonverse Knuckles for just a moment) was definitely his best take on the character and honestly for me at least is most of the part of why Boom worked like it did, not as a sonic show but as a dorky little comedy.

Movie!Knuckles I think is what proved to me that change can absolutely work and was absolutely needed for Knuckles as a character, for so long his character had been so dumbed down and mostly just either used for jokes or incompetent decision making (look at everything he done while he was in charge in Forces) but thanks to the writing and Idris Elba's voicing it turned the page and started a new with Knuckles' portrayal, having him as warrior with honor who spent most of his time growing up alone and made it where while he's not stupid but he does have this naivety to him about how to be around people and exactly what it means to have a true friend letting the S3&K being tricked by Eggman plot line feel more natural than it did in that game. He felt like he had a healthy scale; one end being a warrior with the highest of honors and is absolutely ready to fight whatever and whenever nesscary and on the other end is naive kid new to society and learning the ends and out of what it means to have friends and family and not to be alone, throughout the movie he goes to different parts of the scale depending on the situation and the key of success here was it always felt natural when he did - both sides were him but if need be he can easily switch from one to the other if the situation called for it. It's a nice touch in my opinion and complexes his character out more.

Why do I bring this up? Because new and different voices can do very much a different direction of a character along with different writers and voice directors (there's many examples here in this franchise to take you're pick from) and here in this Tails-tube short Knuckles is proof of all of that; new voice that isn't just an impression of the previous Knuckles' one, new writers especially Ian Flynn which we know was involved with at least this short in particular thanks to one of his tweets, and we *know* there's new voice directors at least in some way while not doing the his 'new voice' for Sonic in this short but given so just how vastly different Roger's Sonic sounds in the small footage we've seen him speak in Frontiers, but even so just everyone who speaks this short sounds WAY less like their interpretations from the meta era sure they made jokes but nothing was nauseating to listen too like it was from colors-forces like you can just telling its Flynn's writing because of just how much it sounds like the IDW comics except it is more exposition dumpy but that's kind of the point of Tails-tube to give us lore and world building for maybe the younger audience who doesn't know much about the previous games so I'm fine with it.

Edit: It's actually Tyson Hesse who wrote and directed this short but pretty much my point still stands, they did an amazing job! :)

#2 Just some more things about Dave's Knuckles I noticed:

Anyway, Dave's Knuckles seems to be slowly forming his own identity in this short and will hopefully be fleshed out more in the Knuckles' prologue short (which I'll come back to later btw) so far he seems to be a lot less bullshity and more serious about his job protecting the Master Emerald than he has been in a very long time, this I'm very happy to see. Also??? This short addresses his consent leaps of absences away from the emerald and actually explains it??? That alone knocked me to the floor. Like he says he leaves to help Sonic whenever trouble he needs his help with comes around, which okay doesn't explain every situation because sometimes Knuckles is seemed just chilling around before the big bad of whatever game it is happens but again maybe there's something a little deeper there of him actually wanting to spend time with his friends just because but he doesn't want to say it out loud so that's the explanation he gives but maybe everyone around him knows that isn't truly the case but chooses not to say anything because the guy tries to keep a front of a guy only concerned with his job but actually cares a lot (which you can both see in this short given the fact even if he doesn't seem impressed or to get why Tails is doing his little internet show he still calls him though concerned at first that he was in danger but still stays on the line to answer Tails' interview questions and even oblivously in that older brother-like way teases him a bit about throwing him off the island for wanting to do tests on the Emerald even though the fox can fly, which was sweet. It's only when Sonic appears that he switches it up back to that front and breaks the camera. So... tsudere a little? Maybe but honestly it was never overbearing or all that noticeable that I think it kind of works and which I find cute but at least Sega is finally remembering that Sonic and Knuckles are also rivals even though their relationship is definitely better than Sonic and Shadow's rivalry which is, you know, more of a cliche hot-mess.

Knuckles' reaction to Rouge just being mentioned was funny.

Not Boom!Knuckles quality of jokes, which is good, but the fucking rock bit was also funny so good thing to know they're trying to regain balance which comedy when it comes to Knuckles' character, afterall even in S3&K comedy was indeed a part of his character (look at the him alone in that game trying not to fall scene and his boss fight being... a joke in itself) "I don't chuckle-" line in his SA2 theme when literally in his first interaction with Sonic that's what he does. ALL OF HIS THEMES IN SA1&2. Literally all of his in game animations in Sonic Riders. This face:

Yeah they might've dumb down his character over the years and went overboard with the jokes but that's not to say the jokes weren't always there, even indirectly. And that's what makes it work, make him indirectly funny.

When asked about if he what to know more about the Master Emerald he straight up gives the most SA1!Knuckles ass response which it's fitting given his SA1 theme is playing the entire time.

They are straight up hinting at some kind of new form for him involving the emerald in some way, I fucking swear. I feel it in my gut.

Anyway I love him.

#3 Frontiers.

Giving the fact they literally state so in the ending, just happens directly before Frontiers with them mentioning picking up Amy to come and join them. A few things:

Knuckles is still on the island so I'm also assuming the Knuckles prologue takes places right after this short. But we know he's going to also be on the Starfall Islands and is most likely also going to be saved like Amy and probably also Tails so exactly what is going to go down in the prologue animation that is also going to drag him also into cyberspace? Something also having to do with the emeralds?

Speaking of which; they are REALLY hamming in hamming in the roles of the emeralds, which I think is good given its been SO long since they had actual importance in a game. And we know we're getting super sonic at least maybe a few times each on every island given there's some bosses you can only fight using him... but that leaves one question what about the final boss of this game? Are we just going to use maybe a more powered up version of super sonic? Or maybe something else? Who knows 🤷🏻‍♂️

The glitches around the image of Starfall Islands. We know their connected to cyberspace so its not surprising that their glitchy but Tails said the chaos emeralds... lead/shown him the islands? How? I know their magic and all that but don't you think it's strange? Exactly how are these two places connected where the emeralds would sense them enough to want to go there? We know they have a subconscious of their own and thanks to Origins we see them travel as they please but why there? It's mysterious and I'm actually invested into learning more about it which is something I don't say going into many sonic games in recent years. I'm very excited.

#4 Prime.

Nothing in this short particularly made me want to talk about it but I wanted to talk about it anyway. So we know Sonic Prime is canon and it's Sonic is supposed to be gameverse!Sonic in some form. It's been speculated and rumored to come out in December and with the recent trailer confirming a winter 2022 release window I think that's very much plausible and at least says one thing: it's coming after Frontiers. Why am I bringing this up? Because I have a question:

Do you think since Prime from what we understand is canon takes place before or after Frontiers?

I'm asking because we know from interviews that Sonic is going to go through a character arc in Prime due to him supposedly being responsible for the dimensional rift or whatever and feels guilty over it and his motivation is to fix it and make things right.

We also know that in Frontiers Sonic is going to go through a similar situation and at least we're going to get a bit more character from him.

It's probably not going to be confirmed and we are kind of only left to guess until we have the game in our hands/watch the show to its fullest but given the two release not that far from each other which would make more sense coming first? Or maybe given the whole different dimension thing maybe (and this is just pure fan theory) they could both be 'versions' of gameverse!Sonic but also be parallels of either the same/similar event that comes out to the same result: improving Sonic's character and address some hidden things over the surface he's hiding (using some of the lines about fear and stuff from the Frontiers main theme as evidence here)

I don't know, we're kind of left in the dark on this one until we get both 🤷🏻‍♂️

[kitcat992]

the ending of NWH was absolutely awful. they took everything that made tom hollands peter parker unique/interesting and ripped it away so now he’s the same as all the others before him, a poor vigilante who works alongside the police. no more avengers, no more of tony stark’s legacy, no more ned or mj. any future i was looking forward to him having is gone. they just decimated years worth of great plot :|

So, here's a hot take. When I first saw Civil War, I absolutely hated MCU Peter Parker. I had the same exact complaints as all the fanboys -- "Ugh, another way to shove Tony Stark in the middle of something. Why does Tony have to give him his suit? He's ALWAYS made his OWN tech. This isn't Spider-man, this is Stark Jr"

I left the theater quite pissed off. I mean, I was pissed off for MANY other reasons as well...it was Civil War, after all. That movie is the ground zero of what destroyed the MCU. But the way they forced Tony Stark into an origin story he didn't need to be in left a really bad taste in my mouth.

They changed that with Homecoming.

Sure, Tony was in Homecoming-- for like, a second, if you blink. But that movie took those complaints and worked with them. "Peter learns he doesn't need his suits, Peter learns to be a hero without anyone's help, PETER learns how to be Spider-man BY HIMSELF." I loved it. I fell head over heels for it. That's where my Irondad obsession began, but even without Irondad, I REALLY fell for this new version of Peter Parker.

You see, I've been a Spider-Man fan for over 2 decades now. I've seen so many versions come and go. Not just on the big screen, not just these movies. The cartoons, the comics -- there's ALWAYS new versions of characters, and Peter Parker is no different. But the frustrating part is almost always, he's the same. He's stereotypical Peter Parker. He can be summed up with just a few words. "Broke/poor, living in a dumpy apartment, with great power, dead parents, dead uncle, relationship struggles, quippy jokes." If I had to sum up most iterations of Peter Parker from the last decade alone, it's right there. No originality. No creativity.

As a Spider-Man fan of over 2 decades, it gets boring. It gets to the point where I skip my monthly comic-book order cause "eh, not feeling it this time."

The MCU Spider-Man broke that trend. It created something unique and fresh, it created something that had NEVER been done before. The closest I could ever relate it to is the Ultimate Spider-Man, where a teenage Peter Parker becomes Spider-Man, but receives the help of SO many other superheroes along the way. He's never truly alone, he's always got help at his side.

The MCU created a Peter Parker that was fresh, and required fresh writing alongside it. They didn't just follow the rhetoric of the many Spider-Men before it. They took small bits (Uncle Ben's death, struggling/poor Peter Parker, relationship troubles) and baked a whole fresh cake with it. All the other iterations took the same cake and cut a piece out, calling it a cupcake. This one started all over with fresh batter.

But fan boys will be fan boys. They're toxic MF's who think reading and studying comic books makes them superior to everyone else. They whined, they complained, they yelled and bitched. And you SAW the effect that had on No Way Home. We literally had a shot of a magazine with a cartoon Spider-Man, sucking a pacifier, dressed in Ironman jammies with the title "Iron Man Jr!"

By the way, that was the biggest insult the MCU has ever given me. That was a direct slap in the face. So many of us have written novels worth of Irondad fanfic but they decided to thank us with THAT.

Fuck you, MCU.

Anyway. Yeah, I had complaints about MCU Spider-man when he first came around. But they didn't just throw him on the screen and call it a day. They molded him, created him, turned him into something unique, creative, and energizing. They reinvigorated my love for Spider-Man.

And then they took it all away with one single scene.

They bent over, kissed the hairy ass of every fan boy who complained, and said "there you go! We returned him to form!" And thus, left many of us to view the shocking aftermath of their decimation to a character THEY created and WE loved.

I've gotten a few asks on why I'm so anti-MCU. Shit like this is why, and shit like this is why I won't be participating in new MCU content. It's an abusive relationship. I'm out.

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (April 25/2021) - The Red Banquet

The day has finally come.

All the preparations have been completed. The invitations have been sent out. Everything has been leading up to this moment, and the Eggpire is ready to make their move.

It’s time for the Red Banquet.

A brief summary of the week’s total events can be found at the end of the post.

---

VOD LINKS:

Captain Puffy

Badboyhalo

Antfrost

Eret

Skeppy

Ranboo

---

- Puffy walks around on the surface. Everything is prepared, the armor is where it should be. She hopes everything will go well.

- Everyone is dressed up for the occasion (except George). Hannah, Niki, Fundy, Eret, George and HBomb are all there.

- Bad says hello to Ponk in the Egg Room. Ponk tells him that no one has arrived yet. Antfrost greets them by the entrance and they go up the stairs to find Niki waiting. 

- Puffy and the other guests soon enter the room as well. Antfrost points them towards a coat room where they can put all their items. Foolish arrives with the Rolexes. They drink some cider, head to the dance floor and play some tunes.

- Bad comes over and greets Puffy. Foolish informs Bad that he peed on the Egg. Sam also has a dumpy and HBomb has two of Fundy’s cocks. 

- Antfrost goes off to speak with Ponk alone and check for some last guests. They watch as George arrives.

Ant: “He looks sort of lost, but that’s okay -- we welcome everybody here.”

Ponk: “Hold up...I don’t know...hmm. Hmm...”

Ant: “I mean, he looks harmless enough.”

Ponk: “We need to get a real good look at him first. Quickly.”

Ponk: “I don’t know what that’s about.”

Ant: “I don’t know. Well, we’ll just keep an eye on him.”

Ponk: “Yeah...”

- They then go speak to HBomb and Niki. H hasn’t stopped dancing

HBomb: “I’m doing my best impersonation of a white dad.”

...

Ant: “Did you guys notice that the guy over there -- George -- just sort of wandered in? He seems sort of lost.”

Ponk: “I feel like he’s hiding something.”

- From the walls, Ranboo in a shadowy outfit can be seen watching. 

- HBomb is the DJ.

- Bad comes over to say that dinner is ready. Bad tells Puffy that they have shrimp cocktails and they all go to sit at the table. Some people are in jail and weren’t able to attend. Ponk cooked all the food.

- Bad welcomes the guests to give toasts to the meal.

First up is Foolish, who says that he hopes that after today, nobody has to say “turn a new leaf” or “let bygones be bygones” ever again. Everyone has come here in agreement in the hope of something new.

Next is Eret. 

Eret: “As the monarch of the SMP, it’s awesome to be able to maybe see the SMP going back to being reunified again, and seeing all of us not have to worry about fighting each other on different sides. I hope this is a new chapter of the entire community as a whole. Cheers to that.”

Then Ponk steps up. Long ago, an old, wise man told him “People change like the tides in the ocean.” Now he truly knows they do.

Puffy steps forward. Bad and Antfrost, she considers as friends, and the Egg has separated them. She hopes this brings them all together and makes the server more peaceful. 

George was asleep twenty minutes ago. He asks about the soup. Ponk says it’s made from organic, free-range beets.

Finally, Bad says he appreciates everyone coming. This is the perfect opportunity for everyone to come together and let bygones be bygones. To set aside past issues to grow and advance forward, even with the wrongs that have been done. 

- He nods to Antfrost, who breaks a block behind them, revealing a button. Antfrost presses it.

Bad: “I was very, very happy that we were able to gather everybody here together for what is, I’m sure, going to be a banquet that none of us are ever going...to...forget.”

- Lava starts pouring down from the ceiling, walling them in.

Bad: “Yep. Prepare to die.”

- Everyone panics. 

- Puffy tells Bad that she didn’t trust the Eggpire anyway, and planned for this. She removes the cover from the table and looks into the chest -- it’s empty.

- They watch as the Eggpire members all don the diamond armor that Puffy and Sam had prepared. Hannah says she had to do it, had to tell them. For the Egg.

- Sam says that he had another plan, because he didn’t trust the Eggpire. He’s tired of all this fighting, and it’s about time that they blow up the Egg for good this time.

- Sam flicks the TNT lever and the explosives rain down on the Egg. When they explode, though, the Egg turns into crying obsidian instead of getting destroyed, reverting back to normal Egg blocks after a few seconds.

- After Quackity’s attack, Bad and the others took preparations to make sure that the Egg wouldn’t be vulnerable to TNT anymore. Now, it’s time for the executions.

Bad: “You see, the Egg needs something, and it’s gonna get it from each of you. See, in order for the Egg to hatch, it needs energy. And it gets that energy by people dying near it. And that’s the role that you guys are gonna fill! We’re gonna kill you, one by one--”

Eret: “You’re a monster.”

Bad: “What’d you say, Eret?”

Eret: “You’re an absolute monster. How could you. We all trusted you, Bad!”

Ponk: “Trust! Okay, Eret. Keep talking. Keep talking about trust.”

Eret: “...That was a long time ago.”

- Bad says that Eret is the perfect person to sacrifice first! He leads Eret to a spot in front of the Egg lined with Netherite blocks.

- Foolish steps forward, saying he’s had enough. The Egg can shield itself against TNT, but can it withstand lightning?

- Nothing happens. Bad laughs.

Bad: “You really thought, Foolish? You thought you could enter the Egg’s domain and beat it in a battle of power? Come on...you’re in the Egg’s territory, Foolish.”

- The Egg is suppressing Foolish. Ant suggests they start with Foolish instead and take Eret’s life later.

- Puffy steps forward. She and Antfrost shout at each other. Puffy says she gave them chance after chance. Antfrost says that Puffy betrayed them first.

Ant: “Foolish, your own son, is about to be slaughtered because of you!”

Puffy: “I’m only one person!”

Foolish: “Puffy, Puffy, it’s okay, it’s not your fault--”

Puffy: “NO! It’s not alright!”

Ant: “Puffy, you could have stopped this if you had stayed with the Eggpire. But this is your fault.”

- Antfrost kills Foolish with a sword.

---

CANON DEATH: FOOLISH

Cause: Sacrificed by Antfrost to the Egg

---

- Everyone screams in horror. The Eggpire wonders who to kill next.

- Suddenly, Quackity shouts at them to stop and drops into the room. He tells Bad to calm down. He puts on diamond armor.

- Quackity tells them they’ve just killed a man, asking if this is what they wanted. Bad tells him that he’s doing all this for the Egg, for what the Egg can give them.

Quackity: “I’m telling you, Bad, you’re a pawn to power. You’re nobody, Bad. You’re working for something that, quite frankly, doesn’t even care about you. I mean look at the Egg, look at the Egg! Look at what it means! It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean anything, Bad. So how about...how about we just stop playing games.”

- As Quackity monologues, he subtly slips Puffy a Netherite axe, potion of strength and a golden apple.

- Bad can’t stop, or else he can’t get what he needs. 

Bad: “Guess what, Quackity. If you wanted to stop us, you should’ve brought more than just yourself. You should’ve brought an army.”

Quackity: “Guess what, Bad? I did! I did. In fact, I brought the next best thing...I brought my biggest enemy!”

- Technoblade logs on and drops into the room, his hoard of dogs following.

- Not only that...Quackity also went looking across the lands for the best mercenary he could find. Purpled drops into the room as well.

Bad: “We HIRED you to take out Puffy, and you join the enemy’s side?!”

Purpled: “Bad, to be frank with you, Quackity just had the better price.”

- Techno explains that he didn’t want to work with Quackity, but the Egg is too great a danger to the server and it’s against everything he stands for.

- Suddenly, Puffy jumps forward with her axe, attacking Ant. The Eggpire is shocked that she has a weapon.

Puffy: “You’ve taken my kindness for weakness, Antfrost!”

---

CANON DEATH: ANTFROST

Cause: Killed by Puffy with an axe

---

- A fight breaks out. Bad shouts for the remaining Eggpire members to retreat. They run out. Quackity orders Purpled to go track them down.

- Bad leads the Eggpire out. They can regroup later. For now, they have to run. They have to split up. They can’t get caught, they have to stay safe and go as fast as they can.

- Alone, Bad thinks to himself.

Bad: “This is such a trainwreck. This whole plan...everything was for this moment! And it’s gone! They -- they have the Egg now...they have it. What can I do? I can’t do anything! I need to get out of here. I need resources...”

“Wait, I know where I can go. I know who I can see...but the Egg, the Egg is -- it’s in their possession right now. What can I do? What can I do against it? I can’t do anything, they have it! I needed the Egg, I needed...I needed what it was gonna give. It was gonna help me get what I wanted, but now they have it...they have it...I just...I just wanted what...I just wanted what it could give me.”

“I didn’t really -- I didn’t really want to hurt anybody. I just wanted what it could give me, but...I don’t know. Did I screw up? Am I in the wrong here? I don’t know...I just need to go. I need to get out of here.”

- Bad starts rowing away into the ocean.

- Quackity asks Sam what to do next. The Egg is invincible.

- Purpled lost them in the labyrinth. Sam says he’ll build a prison for the Egg if he has to. He wants to find a way to destroy it, but for now they need to lock it away where it can’t be accessed.

- Quackity makes sure everyone is alright. They then exit the room through the whole in the wall. Quackity tells Techno to come with him and Sam to talk. They leave the others to escape the rest of the way.

- They make it to the surface, relieved. HBomb hands them all soup to remember the event by.

- Puffy goes off on her own down the Prime Path. While she talks to herself, Ranboo walks down the path with potion particles coming off of him.

Puffy: “What did I do? What -- I...My son died! And I killed my best friend! I...I need to find Foolish. I...I don’t even know who I am anymore. The life I swore to protect, I didn’t at all, and then I took one myself! I don’t even...I...I can’t do this anymore. I just...can’t.”

- Eret mourns Foolish after the events of the Banquet. Foolish sacrificed his life for Eret, so at the very least he should be commemorated.

Eret: “I don’t even feel like I knew him that well...which makes things even harder. He’s helped me out with so many things, just from the kindness of his heart. He claimed to know me. He claimed to know a me which I don’t even remember... And he sacrificed himself for me.”

“At the very least, I need to commemorate his sacrifice, I...I should’ve been the one to die, not him.”

- Eret builds a Totem statue in his fortress. 

RIP Foolish I’ll miss you, old friend.

- Eret builds a replica of the Egg in their museum.

- Ranboo logs on in his house. He decides to go around the main area today and fix some stuff. His inventory is quite empty, so he grabs stacks of grass blocks from a chest and heads out.

- He heads over to the main area and remarks that the server is beginning to look okay now that the Blood Vines are gone.

- He notices some posters for the Red Banquet.

Ranboo: “Oh, that was today! ...Cool!”

- He carries on and runs into Sam near the Community House. They exchange some steak. Sam says he’s collecting materials for the bank, as people need it now more than ever. 

- Sam suggests Ranboo invest money and charge cash for his hotel. Ranboo points out that they already have currency in the form of emeralds and diamonds. Sam explains his waiver idea for the bank.

- Also, Sam needs to build a vault. People can come and rent a spot to lock away important items. 

- Ranboo asks if you can lock away people in the vault. Sam says that’s what Pandora’s Vault is for already.

- Sam mentions that they’ll put the Egg in there. Ranboo asks what makes this different from regular storage. Sam says it’s more secure.

- Sam and his associates will be there day and night to actively defend everyone’s belongings. Ranboo asks how many guards Sam has under his command. Sam says quite a few.

- Why now? Sam says there’s no time like right now and quotes Oogway.

- Sam doesn’t plan on charging interest. He just wants to establish a better system of trade on the server.

- Ranboo explains to chat that he can use this system to make infinite money by trading emeralds and diamond armor.

- What if someone is, say, already quite rich on the server? Sam says the trade and the guard of supplies is most important. 

- Ranboo asks how fragile the system would be. What would it take to bring it down?

- Sam says a whole nuke. Ranboo replies that he was thinking systematically. He asks how the Great Depression happened and Sam explains inflation and the circumstances for economic crises. 

- Sam gives Ranboo a “prototype Sam dollar.” (One iron ingot)

- They go to Hannah’s house to steal and then find an anvil in the spider spawner to name the ingot “Smollar.” They go down the tunnel and Sam says that Ranboo shouldn’t go down to the Egg Room. It’s under quarantine.

- He’s planning on moving the Egg and asks if Ranboo heard what happened. Ranboo didn’t. Sam fills him in in the Egg Room. Ranboo is curious about the Egg turning into obsidian and picks up a piece of the Blood Vines, suggesting Sam do some experiments.

- They exit the Egg Room and find some strange llamas. Ranboo shoves a chest in Drip Llama.

- Ranboo, Sam, and Foolish breed a ton of llamas to begin the Industrial Revolution.

- Bad comes over and becomes one with the llamas to cope. Foolish turns into a L’manburg Llama and is promptly slaughtered by Ranboo.

- Ranboo, Bad and Foolish create a gigantic llama train.

Upcoming Events:

- Quackity’s business opening

- Tommy’s plan

- Tales From the SMP: “Space Race”

- Dream’s lore video

- The Banquet aftermath

---

END OF WEEK RECAP:

4/19 - Nothing much happens.

4/20 - Nothing much happens.

4/21 - HBomb makes a diamond game, Jack plans to open a pub sidechain for his hotel business

4/22 - Tubbo shows Tommy how to make TNT cannons

4/23 - Puffy, Foolish, Hannah and Sam meet on Cloud Prime to discuss the Banquet, Ranboo’s Enderwalk Saga: “The Lessons”

4/24 - HBomb’s diamond game, George’s anniversary dream, Bad hands out invitations

4/25 - THE RED BANQUET.

[astringofmadhousefloozies]

Magicam Live

Vil’s guest is a pest. Contains coarse language, people being catty bitches, and more telling than showing.

You want more, check my Twisted Wonderland Fanfiction tag. If you liked it, let me know!

~*~*~*~

Transcript of Last Week's Magicam Live From *schoenheit_official

Vil: Hello my dearest fans! As promised, I will be showing off my newest capsule makeup collection, to be released this Monday exclusively at Feathersweep Cosmetics. However, due to high demand, instead of simply demonstrating on myself, I thought I would show that anyone could be half as beautiful as me with these!

[He holds a hand out to the side.]

V: Please welcome my fellow student at Night's Raven College, Yuu.

Yuu: Yo.

[A girl with short, dark hair and tired eyes sits down beside him. Spotty and plump, with a notable double chin. She's notably underdressed, compared to Vil.]

Y: I am she. I'm *donegotisekaid, if you haven't seen yet. Full of genuine memes from another universe, as well as me figuring this place out, and pictures of my not-cat.

V: She's simply been begging me for a makeover!

Y: He asked me if I'd do it, actually.

[Vil stops and takes a deep breath, clearly irritated.]

V: Yes, well. You've prepared?

Y: I scrubbed my face real good and managed to leave most of my pimples alone, if that's what you mean.

[Vil sighs]

V: As much as you're capable of, clearly. We'll start with the primer.

Y: [with a smile] Didn't you already give me one on how to act in this?

[Vil pinched the bridge of his nose, regret pouring from every cell in his body.]

V: Just lie back and be quiet until I'm done with you.

[Yuu looks at the camera, but says nothing. There's an audible snicker from behind the camera.]

[There are a few quiet minutes where Vil prepares her face, before selecting a foundation.]

V: So, is there a reason you don't wear makeup? You could look quite nice with it.

Y: Few reasons. It's a lot of effort, and I tire easily. I don't really like the feel of it on my face, and I tend to touch my face a lot anyways, so it doesn't last. It's a lot of money, and I break out very easily.

V: I can see that. Don't you use face wash?

Y: You should have seen me when I did use it! Much worse.

V: Ugh. I'll give you something later. And none of these have a good tone for you.

Y: Just pick the closest! I'll end up wrecking it by a few hours from now anyways.

[Vil rolled his eyes.]

V: Rook, any questions from the chat?

[A familiar accented voice from offscreen]

Rook: *stellargems wants to know how Yuu found herself at NRC.

Y: Transdimensional bullshit. I'm here until we figure out how I can get home. It's not bad, I don't miss it much.

V: Yuu even has her own dorm so she doesn't have to bother anyone.

Y: Not that it stops me.

V: [sotto voce] Don't we all know.

Y: If they kept you in a building with four usable rooms total and no electricity, you'd be out and about too. At least the ghosts there are really nice and help me out.

V: Do you kiss these ones too, or was that a one time thing?

Y: If I hadn't kissed her we'd be down a student and you and half the people I hang out with would be paralyzed, so don't make fun.

[Vil stops to regard the camera.]

V: To clarify, there was an incident with a ghost princess causing a lot of trouble at the school a few months ago. Yuu decided to kiss her to fix everything, because she's both stupid and deeply strange.

Y: It was really fun until I started dying.

V: All her blood was on the outside. It was disgusting.

Y: It did work though!

V: Keep telling yourself that, you didn't kiss the one you really wanted to.

[Yuu gives him the finger, and Vil shoves her hand down.]

R: *vilpleasefathermychildren asks-

[Yuu sputters with laughter. Vil just winks at the camera with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes.]

R: They want to know if there'll be a coupon code for the new release.

V: There will! It'll be released via the official fanclub email Sunday night.

Y: It'll be a whole three percent off and you have to pay to access it.

V: Stop that.

Y: [sweetly] No.

Rook: *getterbackback wants to know what your shirt says?

Y: Yeah, hold on.

[She stands and pulls the shirt out to be seen better. It says in large letters, I'M CUTE AND I BITE]

Y: You can do one yourself if you take a dark shirt, tape the parts you want covered, and scorch the area around it with diluted bleach. I've done a few of these, a few designs more than once.

V: Destroyed them?

Y: Nah, Lil wants at least one of every one I do.

V: [to the camera] That would be our fellow student Lilia Vanrouge, from Diasomnia.

Y: He's pretty great. He's *elderbatbrat if you want to look him up.

V: Sit back down so I can figure out which blush to use.

Y: Pinks and corals work best for my skin tone.

V: I thought you didn't wear makeup?

Y: Why do you think I know wearing it tires me out? It's not something I ever did a lot because of the effort.

Y: Except for highlighter. it's basically sparkles and it's light, so I like that.

V: You remember that, but not your proper name?

Y: Ain't life grand.

R: I'm getting several questions about that. Would you care to elabourate for the chat?

Y: Yeah. I don't remember a lot about where I'm from. Culturally? Lots. What I like? What I don't like? Everything. Names and places specific to who I was? No. And don't ask me to think about it too hard, I get the worst fucking headache and I stop seeing right.

V: You've never seen right in your life.

Y: Oh, fuck off, Vil.

[Vil stops blushing one cheek to point.]

V: Stop that.

[Yuu responds by biting at his finger with an audible click when her teeth meet, laughing hysterically as Vil pulls back in shock.]

V: !!! Dreadful little monster!

Y: Yeah, but you're the one who thought you'd get more views if I was here.

R: We indeed just surged another 20,000 views and counting! Excellent work, Yuu.

Y: Thank you, Rook.

[Vil looks ready to explode.]

Y: I won't bite again, that was just too easy. Please continue, I do want to see what magic you can do.

V: This is regular makeup.

Y: Metaphorically, you jackass. 

R: *rosemassacre wants to know if you're always like this.

V: She's always this horrible.

Y: Vil first saw me and called me a dumpy little potato. I told him it's because I'm great all ways and everyone wants a taste, and slapped my ass at him. He's been obsessed with me ever since.

V: I am not obsessed with you.

R: You go into a rage over her at least once a week.

V:  She can't go a week without being a pest.

Y: I went three after you kicked me out of the movie club.

V: You can't just project violence on the walls of Pomfiore because I said we weren't going to watch it!

Y: Vil, it was The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, and it is art.

V: A man gets sawed in half in the first ten minutes.

Y: To an absolutely bangin' soundtrack. Oh that reminds me. Ad time, hold on.

[She wiggles a little before puting on her best customer service face.]

Y: If you want to access media that is quite literally from another world, please go to MonstroMedia dot com and sign up! There's ebooks, movies, tv, music, and more. Much of it is horror, sci-fi and fantasy, as it's from my person collection of media brought with me on my laptop and backup drives. You can use the code SHOENHEITSAYSWHAT for the first month free!

[She put her hand up and lowered her voice to a conspiratorial tone.]

Y: I completely understand piracy, but I'd appreciate if you paid because this is the only way I get spending money, and I can only bat my eyes at these boys so much before they expect something in return for gifts.

V: How'd Ashengrotto talk you into that one?

Y: He was going to make me start paying for all the food I eat if I didn't.

R: *waterwitchesbetgitches says, and I quote, "so like if ur the only gal at NRC how many boyfs you have"

Y: So many. At least twenty. Even more if there were girls here.

V: That is a gross exaggeration. She has maybe three, if we're being very generous on the definition.

Y: [points] And he's mad he's not one of them.

V: [squinting] You are absolutely dreadful and I can't understand how you're so popular.

Y: I like you too, Vil.

[Vil pauses, visibly taken aback.]

V: ... Thank you.

V: You know you're going to have paparazzi on your tail now, right?

Y: Aw, shit.

R: *insertmagicamhandlehere wants to know what's on your neck.

V: An antique chain with an attached charm specially made for me by Soleil Atelier.

R: I believe that was for Yuu.

[Yuu snickers, as Vil looks for himself. When her collar is pulled down, it fully reveals a vicious set of hickeys with visible toothmarks.]

V: Eww.

Y: You should see the other guy.

V: Eww!

[Vil takes a moment to recover, while Yuu laughs.]

Y: That could be a second part! Everyone needs that tutorial. "Bruise Coverup How-to by Vil Shoenheit: For when you just can't keep them off of you."

[Vil mutters something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like "nerds shouldn't be allowed to fuck"]

Y: Then where would your fans be?

V: At least there's only setting spray after this and then you can leave.

Y: Won't you get bored without me here?

R: One last question! *shroudstreaming has asked... well, there's a lengthy keysmash and an all-caps "why".

Y: Ah. Hi, babe!

Y: Hey, everyone go follow him, he's a total fucking babe and he refuses to take my word for it, no matter what I do to him-

[Vil sprays setting spray directly in her face, leading to Yuu coughing.]

V: No taste at all, and gross to boot. 

Y: Asshole.

[Vil offers a mirror]

V: No. Miracle worker.

[Yuu looks... well, the same, but with an even, well made-up face.]

Y: ... Aww. You remembered I like sparkles.

V: Less likely to scrub it off if you actually like it.

[Yuu's admiring herself for a few moments in silence, with Vil watching, quite pleased.]

Y: Hey, can I do you next?

V: Absolutely not.

Y: Ask the chat.

V: No.

R: Chat says yes.

V: [With a visible eye roll] Ugh, fine. 

Y: Aight. Take your shirt off.

V: What.

[Yuu brings up a case and flips it open. Inside is a magazine with a gory cover, and various things like fake blood and liquid latex.]

Y: Alright kiddies. You wanna learn how to slit a man's throat?

[Vil gets up and walks away without another word.]

Y: You said I could! Get back here!

[Yuu follows. Rook emerges from behind the camera.]

R: That's it for tonight, ma belles. Next time.

[Magicam Live ends, but not before audible yelling and scuffling, quickly cut off.]

[fangirlingtodeath513]

Hunting for a Partner | A Dean/Benny fanfic for the @allshipscreationschallenge

Prompt: Your favorite Dean/Benny quote (September 2019) Rating: Explicit

It’s been a while since Benny’s actually been out to a bar. Andrea’s busy tonight, though, and Benny’s craving the feeling of someone underneath him. That’s what pushes him out of his apartment and down to the bar.

It’s crowded. He should’ve expected it, what with it being Saturday night. There are still spots at the bar, so he settles onto a stool next to a pretty guy with light brown hair and ridiculously plush lips. The guy glances at Benny as he takes a sip of his beer.

“Evenin’, brother. I take your friend’s chair?”

The man smirks. “My friends ain’t here, seat’s yours. I’m Dean.”

Benny hums and extends a hand, which Dean shakes. “Benny, nice to meet ya. Visiting, or do you live here?”

Dean sets his beer down. “Just passin’ through. Never been to New Orleans, figured I’d swing through.”

Benny thanks the bartender as he sets a glass of whiskey on the bar in front of him, taking a sip before returning to the conversation. “Where ya headed, then? If you’re just passin’ through.”

Dean smiles. “Goin’ to see my brother out in California. He’s at Stanford, but he still has a week of finals left, so I thought I’d make a road trip out of it.”

Benny whistles. “Stanford, eh? Must be one smart kid.”

Dean beams, thumb absently brushing along the length of his glass. “He’s brilliant. Pre-law. He’ll be a kickass lawyer.”

Benny smiles. Dean’s cute talking about his brother, absolutely glowing with pride. Benny’s not entirely sure an advance will be welcome, but he shuffles his chair closer anyway. It’s been a while since he’s had a guy underneath him, and Dean’s got him practically drooling. Dean doesn’t move away, which is a good sign. Benny takes a sip of his whiskey, turning to face Dean. Might as well be as forward as possible.

“Where you stayin’ tonight?”

Dean raises an eyebrow, a ghost of a smirk on his lips. “I was just gonna get a cheap motel room, but if you’re offering…”

Benny chuckles, finishing his drink. “I am. You interested?”

“Fuck yes,” Dean breathes, finishing his beer and dropping a few bills on the bar. Benny follows suit, barely containing a groan when Dean tugs on a tight black leather jacket. He follows Dean outside, raising an eyebrow when the man stops abruptly. “I gotta call my brother real quick, I’ll just meet you back here, yeah?”

Benny nods, watching Dean disappear around the side of the building. Weird way to get away from the situation, but Benny decides to give him the benefit of the doubt. He waits around for a few minutes but Dean doesn’t return, so Benny makes his way around the building, stopping in his tracks as he sees Dean tucking a machete into its sheath. In front of him, a decapitated vampire lays on the ground. 

“You’re a hunter?” Benny asks, frowning.

Dean whips around to face him, hand wrapped tightly around the handle of the machete. “How do you know about hunters?”

Benny scoffs. “Your kind don’t exactly like my kind. Obviously.” He gestures toward the body on the ground, letting his own fangs descend. 

He just barely ducks out of the way as Dean swings the machete at him. 

“Whoa, cher, hang on now, we ain’t gotta do that.”

Dean scoffs. “You’re a vampire.”

“I don’t eat people. I live off blood bags, have for decades now.”

“Right, like I’m just gonna believe you.”

Benny rolls his eyes, inclining his head toward the parking lot. “Let me prove it, then.”

Dean gestures toward the parking lot with his machete, so Benny leads the way to his car. He pops the trunk, waving a hand toward the cooler he keeps there. “See? Blood bags.”

Dean eyes him for a moment before popping the lid off the cooler. “When was the last time you attacked someone?”

Benny shrugs. “Been a while. Haven’t had fresh blood in… decades, if not a century.”

Dean narrows his eyes at him. “How do you get the blood bags?”

“Got a friend that works at a blood bank, they never notice a few going missing.”

Dean watches him cautiously for a few moments before dropping the machete back in its sheath. “Only decades?”

Benny smirks. “I know it’s hard to believe, but I haven’t always been this cute and cuddly.”

Dean blinks at him for a second before cracking a smile, ducking his head to hide it. “Fair enough. Why’re you in New Orleans?”

Benny hums, leaning against his car. “Grew up here, people are real nice. Seemed like a good place to settle down, for the time bein’.”

Dean crosses his arms over his chest. “I’m sorry about all that. I’ve been tracking that vamp for a few weeks now, he was always gone when I caught up.”

Benny waves a dismissive hand. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s get rid of him and continue with our plans. If you’re still interested?”

Dean chuckles. “Long as you don’t eat me, I’m down.”

Benny smirks, closing the trunk. “Well, I can’t guarantee that, but I promise not to drink ya.”

Dean rolls his eyes but a blush creeps up his neck, so Benny grins and waves a hand back toward the alley. “Shall we?”

The body’s easy enough to dispose of—it’s a dumpy dive bar with no security cameras, meaning they don’t have to worry about being seen—so they drag it into the nearby woods and bury it.

They barely make it to Benny’s apartment before Dean’s on him, all warm hands and plush lips. Benny grunts, wrapping an arm around the hunter’s waist and hauling him into the apartment, kicking the door shut behind them. They leave a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, hands wandering as they reveal more and more skin.

By the time they reach the bed, Benny’s rock hard and panting. Dean doesn’t seem to be in a much better state. He shoves Benny down onto the bed, gracefully straddling his lap. “You got lube?”

Benny manages to point to the bedside table where a bottle rests, so Dean leaves over and grabs it.

“How do you want to do this? I’m dying to taste you,” Dean gasps out, grinding their erections together.

Benny groans, one hand like a vice on Dean’s hip. “Flip around, I want a taste too.”

Dean smirks, rearranging himself until his cock is hanging hard and heavy above Benny’s mouth. Benny waits until Dean’s started swallowing his cock down to sit up and get to what he really wants. Dean doesn’t seem to notice the movement, tongue lapping at the head of Benny’s cock. Benny smirks, spreading Dean’s asscheeks to flatten his tongue over Dean’s hole. The action has Dean gasping and pushing back against Benny’s hands and tongue, much to Benny’s delight. 

While Dean blows him, Benny takes his time getting Dean wet and loose with a combination of tongue and fingers. He can feel Dean’s cock dripping precum onto his chest, another indicator of how much Dean’s enjoying himself. Although, Benny supposes the loud moans around his cock should have clued him in.

After a while, Dean pulls off with a groan. “Benny, fuck, want you in me…”

Benny smirks, smacking Dean’s ass lightly. “Well then turn around and sit on my cock.”

Dean shivers, picking up the bottle of lube as he shuffles around, situating himself above Benny’s cock. He smirks at Benny as he drizzles lube down the length of his cock, stroking him slowly to spread it out. Benny watches with lust-filled eyes as Dean grips the base of his cock and sinks down onto it in one lithe, fluid motion, groaning as Benny fills him.

“Fuck, been so long…” Dean gasps out, wiping his hand off on his discarded boxers before settling both hands on Benny’s chest. 

Benny smirks. “Since you’ve been fucked by a vampire?”

Dean snorts, grinding his hips down. “Never been fucked by a vampire before, actually. Been a while since I’ve been fucked in general.”

“Well, I’m glad we could rectify that,” Benny grunts, hands gripping Dean’s hips tightly as Dean starts to bounce on his cock.

Dean smirks, fingernails digging into Benny’s chest as he rocks his hips down. Benny sits up, tugging Dean into a rough kiss that’s all heat. Dean groans against his lips, gasping as Benny tangles a hand in his hair.

Dean’s beautiful like this, all lean muscles and flushed skin. Benny takes a moment to drink in the sight before meeting Dean’s every movement, fingertips digging into Dean’s hips.

They don’t last very long, though Benny can’t find it in himself to be disappointed about it. Dean comes first, spilling onto Benny’s stomach, and Benny’s not too far behind, digging his nails into Dean’s hips as he grinds up roughly, coming inside him. Dean sits back on Benny’s thighs, chest heaving as he catches his breath. Benny lets go of his hips, groaning softly as the tangy smell of fresh blood floats through the air. He glances at Dean’s hips, wincing as he sees the small cuts from his nails there. Benny opens his mouth to apologize, quickly snapping it shut when he feels his fangs descend.

Dean raises an eyebrow at him. “You good?”

Benny nods, nose twitching as the smell gets stronger. “Fine, yeah,” he grits out, groaning breathily as Dean climbs off him. 

“What’s up with the teeth, dude? You promised you weren’t gonna drink me,” Dean teases, flopping onto the bed next to him.

Benny takes a breath through his mouth, relieved when his fangs retract. “I ain’t gonna drink you.” He motions toward the tiny cuts on Dean’s hips. “Involuntary reaction.”

Dean smirks. “Well, next time, don’t make me bleed.”

Benny raises an eyebrow. “Next time?”

Dean flushes a beautiful shade of pink, clearing his throat. “Uh, I mean, if—” 

“Relax, cher, I ain’t opposed to doin’ this again. Ain’t you headin’ to California, though?”

Dean stifles a yawn, nodding. “For a week, then I’m back on my own.”

Benny smirks. “Hunting?”

“If I find something,” he answers with a shrug. 

Benny raises an eyebrow. “I’ve got a life here. Steady blood supply. A job. Don’t really wanna give all that up.”

Dean smirks, crossing his arms over his own stomach. “Not askin’ you to, man. Just sayin’, I have a car, and I do know how to get back to New Orleans. If that’s what you want.”

Benny chuckles, leaning over to pull Dean into a gentle kiss. “Why don’t you go see your brother and then come on back. We can figure everything out after that.”

Dean hums, kissing him again. “Sounds like a good plan to me.”

Benny smirks, sliding a hand down to grab Dean’s ass. “Stay the night?”

Grinning, Dean tugs Benny on top of him, biting his neck gently. “Only because you asked so nicely.”

[remusreads]

Somebody to Love by Aurelia Fray || Review

Around 30% of the way in I was considering not finishing this one, but I am infinitely happy that I continued it. I was getting a little agitated with Cassy’s pettiness and the girl on girl hate, but I realised that it was a character flaw that was inevitably going to come to a head and get fixed — and it certainly did! I can, without a doubt, say that I am beyond happy that I didn’t put the book down for that reason because the character development this lot went through was fantastic. This book to me was made even better by the fact that I felt everything the characters were feeling. I mean, I felt so frustrated that I almost put the book down; the same as Rachel storming out for example! So yes, the book is massively amazing for that. I felt what the characters felt and imagined what the characters saw and it was brilliant! Also I laughed so hard I had tears brimming. There’s a particular scene which involves a toilet and good lord it had me laughing so hard that I ended up having to read the chapter to my fiancée so that she could laugh with me! I love it when a book makes me laugh that hard, I really do. Some people may find the scene cringey but it was one of my favourites from the book! There is an undeniable theme in this book to not judge a book by its cover. Rachel is dismissed on numerous occasions because she’s curvy. A few of the men in the book refer to her as “tubby”, “dumpy”, amongst others and I found that unsettling personally, but they all see what an amazing person she is. I don’t agree with the idea that if you’re fat you can’t be beautiful which felt like an underlying idea that the characters had, but I’m glad that they all gave her a chance at least and didn’t continue to judge her by her looks. There was also the theme of just because they’re blood related doesn’t mean you have to tolerate their shitty behaviour. It was probably the second strongest theme in this book and was really written fantastically. Rachel is essentially bullied by Cassy, her cousin, and this book follows the journey of her learning to stand up for herself, to Cassy and to all of those that don’t believe in her. Lemme just tell you that I am HERE for that theme and loved the way everything unfolded. The character development that Rachel underwent was fabulous, and I loved seeing her unfold into someone who loved herself, believed in herself and didn’t take less than the best from others. Here are a few more things I liked: — the writing was fabulous! It was gripping, hysterically funny, enjoyable, addicting (I read the first quarter of it in a burst and was gutted to put it down). It’s not too descriptive nor too vague and is a lot of fun. — is (mostly) a light hearted contemporary which touches on some heavier subjects (mentioned above), so the perfect summer read. I had an absolute blast reading it. — though the plot can be seen as formulaic, I felt it was unique and refreshing to read and it took some turns that I was thoroughly enthralled by. — families! I love familial presence in books! — steamy, but not too much sex that it detracts from the plot. — it felt immensely real. I didn’t feel like I was reading a fictionalisation, it genuinely felt like I was reading how someone’s life had panned out — and I was a huge fan of that. — the pacing is great! Didn’t take too long to get into the story and the main event in the story didn’t occur too quickly, and there definitely wasn’t much (if any at all) filler content. The story flowed fabulously. Rated 4/4.5* due to a couple of issues I’ve mentioned in this review! I would absolutely recommend this to anyone and everyone; even if you’re not a romance reader as such. It was great fun and a lot of laughs! 

If you enjoyed this review and would like to be up to date on my reading endeavours, please consider friending my goodreads! 

If you enjoy my content, also, please consider buying me a coffee. :) Buy a copy of this book here

[lunarimagines]

BTS REACTION TO THEIR FRIEND NOT BEING COMFORTABLE WITH THEIR BODY SIZE

anon said : What would bts's reaction be to a noona friend who's not satisfied with her body size, she was crying and when they tried to comfort her saying "noona you're beautiful" she yelled at them "OH YEAH?! SO U WOULD DATE SOMEONE LIKE ME?!" But she quickly realized her mistake for yelling and started to apologize while crying. I hope it's clear ^^" sorry english is not my 1st language

A/N : Slight trigger warning! I will be putting all below the cut! Also, your English is wonderful, oh my goodness!!!! 

[CLICK THIS]

RM: It had started out with a simple shopping trip to check out new stores that had opened up nearby. However, you were getting more and more dejected because it seemed as though everything you were trying just... wasn’t quite right. You found yourself near tears as you stepped out of the dressing room unsatisfied for the umpteenth time. 

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” Namjoon asked softly.

“This all looks so... ugly,” you whispered, hanging the clothes up.

“Y/N, listen to me, you’re absolutely stunning. You always look fantastic to me, and-”

“If I always look fantastic, then why are none of these clothes working Joon? If I’m absolutely stunning then would you actually date someone like me? No you-”

“Yeah, I would. What kind of dumbass question is that.”

Needless to say, that shut you right up and lifted your mood in one shot. He wiggled his eyebrows at you, making you chuckle.

“I love you, even though that was cheesy.”

Jin: Food had been a touchy subject for you. You’d had a love-hate relationship with it since you’d started having trouble losing some of the weight you’d put on. It wasn’t that you were eating unhealthy foods, but your body was changing and it had become a fact of life. The biggest challenge was that Jin liked to cook for you because you would be brutally honest and help him improve dishes. Tonight, however, you weren’t eating as much.

“Is it not good?” Jin asked, taking a piece of potato off of your plate and eating it. “Mmm, no that’s pretty good. Are you sick?”

“Watching my weight,” you mumbled.

“Why?” he asked, incredulous.

“Because I can’t lose weight and I’m getting FAT, Jin. Are you blind?”

“I must be because you look fine to me,” Jin shrugged as he leaned back in his chair.

“Oh? Really? Because everyone else sees what I’m seeing. I feel gross, Jin. Would you even date me? Because I know a lot-”

“Yeah, I’d date you. You’re funny, kind, brutally honest to me. Now, are you going to finish your food or can Taehyung have your leftovers? I can hear him and Junglebook boy breathing heavily from the hallway.

“Uh... no. This tastes delicious. Those scavengers can have someone else’s leftovers.”

Jin smirked. If there were two things he was good at it was, a) cooking, and b) making his best friend feel better. 

Suga: He had convinced you to play night basketball with him, Jungkook, and Hoseok. You had agreed just to make teams even. However, the boys were absolutely running CIRCLES around you. It was frustrating you to no end, and Yoongi could tell. He called a time-out and pulled you over the bench to take a break. He asked you what was wrong as he handed you a water bottle.

“I’m out of shape, Yoongi. I can’t keep up with you all and it’s frustrating. I can’t even help you win this stupid game because I have to keep stopping,” you ranted as you took a sip of water. 

“Listen, we train all day for dancing and singing. We’d run circles around a lot of people just because of that fact alone. It has nothing to do with being in shape or out of shape.”

“Oh please. It’s because I’m fa-”

“No you’re not. You’re beautiful.”

“Are we really arguing about this?” you asked, shaking your head at him. “If I’m so beautiful, why am I still single? It’s because I’m not in shape. I mean, God, Yoongi would you even date me?”

Yoongi snorted and you braced yourself for the worst. “That is the dumbest question you have ever asked me, and I remember when you asked me if you should take the tops off of strawberries. Yes, I would. That may change if we don’t beat these fools. Jungkook hasn’t stopped fortnite dancing every time their team scores, so the next time he does, push him over. We’ll win for sure then. Let’s go.”

Conversation over. But you were left with a warm feeling in your chest. You didn’t win the game, but you did feel much better about yourself by the end. (Though probably because Yoongi pushed Jungkook over when he started flossing...)

J-Hope: It had taken you twenty minutes to find an outfit that looked good on you in your opinion. Yet, when you arrived at the album party with Hoseok you found yourself wishing you hadn’t worn it. You felt dumpy compared the other people at the party. Hoseok seemed to sense your sudden mood shift. He bumped your shoulder lightly and smiled reassuringly at you. You could only grimace back at him. He grabbed your hand and pulled you into an empty hallway immediately. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked softly, massaging the back of your hand with his thumb.

“I feel awful. I thought I looked good in this outfit, but I look fat and sad. I- I kind of want to leave, Hobi,” you mumbled, feeling bad about leaving so soon after you’d arrived. 

“You look absolutely incredible Y/N. Why would you say something like that?”

“Oh really?” you scoffed. “You need some glasses because I am literally the worst looking person here. If you saw me would you come up and talk to me? Would you be interested in me? Would you think “oh, cute”? Would you even consider dating me?” 

“Yes,” he answered simply. You blinked. “I was hoping to be more romantic, but I also asked you to come with me so that I could show you off... I like you, Y/N.”

“You’re... you’re not joking, right?”

“Of course not!” he said, grabbing your hand. “Now let’s get back. I haven’t had nearly enough time to show you off!”

Jimin: Jimin was cute and fit. It wasn’t just that you liked him as more than a friend, it was just a fact of life that he was incredibly attractive. You often found yourself feeling inferior when you stood by him or laughed with him. You felt that even in the comfort of your own home. Of course you knew it was absurd, but you couldn’t help it. You began to see him less and less. You still texted him and called him, but every time he asked if you were free to hang out you found the perfect excuse to turn him down. Needless to say, he got fed up. You expected that. What you didn’t expect was for him to show up to your apartment at one in the morning. 

“Jesus, Jimin. Do you know what time it is?” you hissed as you opened the door.

“Just tell me why you’re mad at me. It’s annoying, and Namjoon said my sulking is making him uncomfortable. Please, Y/N. I miss you.”

You ushered him inside and then leaned back against the door once you’d closed it. 

“I feel dumb saying this... I don’t feel like I’m really worthy enough to be your friend. I mean... I’m not super fit, I’m not super attractive... I don’t know... It’s dumb now that I’m saying it out loud.”

“You may be old, but you’re none of those other things,” Jimin said with a sly smile. You scowled and flipped him off. He only laughed in response. “Seriously, though. I think you’re absolutely stunning, even with bedhead.”

“Stop lying through your teeth,” you mumbled, “There’s plenty of online comments that say otherwise. Seriously, would you even really date me?”

“Sure,” Jimin said with a shrug, “when should we go to dinner?” 

You stared with your mouth open. “No shit?”

“None. I’ll let you sleep now. But I’m serious about the date. Just... stop ignoring me.”

You showed him out and then, for the first time in a week, you slept peacefully.

Taehyung: Taehyung was always positive. You weren’t sure how he managed to be so positive all the time, but you certainly wish you did. Ever since it was revealed that you and Taehyung were friends, it seemed that all you’d gotten online were comments about how you were overweight, that you should diet to be seen with Taehyung, that you weren’t really worthy of being Taehyung’s friend. It was during one of your weekly outings with Taehyung where he finally confronted you about your sudden quietness.

“It’s just... been a lot since the public found out we were friends. There’s been... comments. I don’t know. I know I shouldn’t let them get to me, but I can’t help it,” you let out as you thanked a food stall worker for your drink.

He nodded thoughtfully beside you. “I’m sorry you’re getting so much hate. You deserve none of it. You’re beautiful and kind and thoughtful and smart. Hey, BigHit will sue if you want them to!”

You scowled as he laughed, and suddenly all of the built up stress from the comments made you snap. 

“Oh, so even Mr. Perfect Kim Taehyung would date me? Please, they’re mostly right. You don’t have to try and be nice.”

Taehyung was taken aback. “I wasn’t pulling that out of my ass. I was serious Y/N. Anybody would be lucky to date you, myself included. I’m serious about BigHit too...”

He wrapped his arm through yours as he spoke and you smiled at the warmth from not only his arm but also his words. You were sure how it was decided you deserved a friend like Taehyung in your life, but you were eternally grateful for whatever force put him there.

“I’m sorry for yelling,” you said.

“All good. Buy me food from the next stall and I’ll forget the whole thing,” he joked, dragging you away.

Jungkook: He’d somehow bamboozled you into going to the gym with him every morning. The workouts were productive, but you also wanted to push Jungkook over when he intentionally flexed his muscles at you after he finished each rep. God, he was a punk ass bitch. Still, you couldn’t help but enjoy going to the gym with him a little bit. It wasn’t until your friend made a comment that you were finally losing some weight that you felt bad about yourself. Their comment wasn’t sitting well with you. Did it mean you were fat before? If so, did it mean you were still fat?

“Hey, hey, hey. Take a break. You’ve been doing too many reps without a water break,” Jungkook said as he forced you to set down your weights. You took the water from him with a smile. “Why are you lifting so much?”

“Just want to lose more weight,” you said with a shrug.

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Why?”

“What to you mean ‘why,’ Jungkook? Have you seen me? I’m gross.”

“You’re really not, Y/N. You’re cute, I think,” he said, smiling widely. 

“Oh really? What you date me then?” you teased, hoping to make him blush. Instead, he wiggled his eyebrows at you and winked. You made a fake disgusted face at him and pushed him away.

“No, seriously. I think you look amazing. Whoever said you didn’t can feel free to book an appointment with my fist to their face,” Jungkook said, fake boxing and punching the air.

You raised an eyebrow at your best friend. “Okay loser. Start lifting again. I’m gonna kick your ass when we box next.”

“In your dreams oldie,” he joked back. Still, he began lifting again. As cheesy as it may be, he’d also lifted your mood. You were glad to have him in your life, as dorky as he may be.

[shirolovesu]

Heeeey! Happy new year! I love your blog ❤️ can you do Shiro comforting a female s/o who’s uncomfortable with her body and who had a depression because of it, and who doesn’t know how to love herself? It’s just I had troubles to find something to wear for NYE and my friends always say I’m cute but I don’t think so and I have troubles accepting compliments and tonight I kinda hated myself for being curvy and not finding anything to wear for our family dinner and I need comfort. Thank youuuu ❤️

Happy new year to you too!! I hope you feel better about your body in the coming year – and I trust your friends when they say you look cute

“Aaargh.” You throw the dress to the ground and plop down on the floor of your closet. That’s the third dress you’ve tried on tonight and none of them fit quite the way you want them to, and you’re so close to tears. If only you were slim and perfect like the girls in catalogs!

There’s a knock on your door and Shiro’s voice calls out, “Sweetheart? You okay in there?”

You quickly wipe your face and stand up. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. You can come in.”

Shiro pushes the door open and it only takes a moment before he’s by your side. Clearly you weren’t able to hide all the signs of your disappointment at yourself.

“What’s going on?” he asks, glancing between you and the pile of rejected clothes on the floor. “The party’s in twenty minutes, we need to leave soon!”

“I know,” you say, more snappishly than intended. “I’ve just got to find something to wear that doesn’t look like a potato sack.”

“What’s wrong with this one?” He picks up a red dress with a lacy neckline. “Didn’t you pick this out last time we all went to the space mall together?”

You take it from him and hold it up, looking forlornly at the waistline. “Yeah, I thought it looked good at the time but I just… don’t want to wear it now. It looks dumpy.”

“Oh.” Shiro’s silent for a while and you look up to see him frowning.

“Don’t worry about it,” you say at last. The last thing you want is to drag him down into your issues. “I’ve got some black slacks I can wear, and a blouse. If I wear enough jewelry and makeup, maybe no one will notice I’m not cute.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it right there!” Suddenly he’s in your personal space, both hands on your shoulders and his face mere inches from your own.

“What?” You try to back away but you’re up against the wall and there’s no room.

“Don’t you dare go saying that my girlfriend isn’t cute!”

“But I’m really n–”

“Shh.” He presses a finger to your lips and slowly his expression softens. “Don’t you see? You’re absolutely gorgeous! I love every inch of you and there’s no way something as shallow as clothes is going to change that.”

You shrug, but you’re secretly glad that he doesn’t back off. There’s something about his presence that automatically calms you and makes everything a little bit better. Still, though, you have to argue.

“Clothes aren’t ever going to hide the fact that I’m super curvy.”

“I get that, I really do. Feeling insecure about your own body, I mean. Look at me, I’ve got a messed up face and a robotic arm. Sometimes it’s so hard for me to show myself in public, too.”

Your eyes widen. Shiro, afraid of something? It’s almost impossible to believe but here he is right in front of you, telling you his secret in a low voice.

“So what do you do when you don’t want to be seen?”

He smiles and his hand slips down to clasp yours. “I come in here and I let you tell me how good I am, how much you love me, and I believe you. You wouldn’t lie and say I’m handsome if I’m not, right?”

“Of course not! The first time I saw you, you took my breath away. The scar, and your arm – they could never detract from you.”

“Can you do something for me?” Shiro’s eyes are so eager than you can’t say no.

“Anything.”

“Whenever you’re thinking something mean about yourself, pretend you’re saying it to me instead. If you wouldn’t call me ugly to my face, then why would you do that to yourself?”

“But I… I don’t deserve to be pretty,” you mumble.

Shiro tilts your chin up and you’re forced to meet his eyes. “What was that? I don’t deserve…?”

“You don’t deserve… I don’t deserve to be called ugly. You’re perfect just the way you are.” You pause, taking a deep breath for the next words. “And I guess I am, too.”

“Good girl.” He smiles and leans in for a quick kiss. “Now how about you let me pick out a cute dress for you, you stop worrying about things, and we can compliment each other on the way to the party?”

You nod and reach for the silky black dress he holds out to you. “Thank you, Shiro.”

“Any time, sweetheart.”

[wynndygoon]

Synapse AU story

“Ah, dammit!” Elizzabet exclaimed as she sat up in her chair. She put her hand over her eyepatch which caused even more pain. She knew something was not right, as this wasn’t the normal type of pain she would experience sometimes that came from her eye.

“What’s wrong?” Apollo asked as Elizzabet walked by to the bathroom.

“Damn eye still giving me some trouble.” Her hand was still on her eyepatch and she felt it start getting wet. Figuring it was the last little bit of her tear ducts trying to flush something out of her ruined eye, she kept on to the bathroom. When she got there, she noticed that streams of crimson were flowing from her between her fingers and out from her eyepatch. Deeply unsettled and curious, she slowly lifted up the black eyepatch and saw that the scars hadn’t re-opened to cause the bleeding. Confused, she kept trying to see what the cause may be and that was when she saw that the white of her eye had started to turn a light pink color. “Apollo, start the car, now!”

“Why? What’s wro…”

“Just do it!” Elizzabet commanded, trying to see what was happening to her eye. As she tried to hold her eyelids open more to get a better look, the pain had flared up again. A sharp feeling from the very back of her eye started radiating and causing a fiery feeling with intense pressure behind it. She thought her eye was going to explode out of her head, but she put the eyepatch back down and ran out to the car and locked the door to the house. “The Hospital…Drive!”

Apollo could hear the desperation in her voice and he looked over to see the feathers on the right side of her face were more red than usual and that the eyepatch looked soaked with something. He knew better than to ask questions and press Elizzabet because he didn’t want to stress her out any further. He was genuinely afraid as to what was going on, and he held out his hand to Elizzabet. She took it and held tightly saying that everything was fine, but that it may just be time to get rid of the eye and get a glass one instead.

“Don’t say that, the doctors said that there is a potential to restore your vision. Just hang in there!” Apollo was trying to be hopeful, but Elizzabet just snorted.

“You know how lucky I’ve been so far, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to have enough luck saved up this time. It may have to go, you might have to start seeing some dumpy ass lazy eye from now on.” Elizzabet had her head leaned on the window and watched as the world whizzed by. She tried ignoring the burning pain, but some of the flares would cause her to squeeze Apollo’s hand with a lot more pressure than normal, causing pops and cracks to sound whenever she did so. “Sorry, I just…”

“Don’t apologize, please. Just because my hands pop whenever you squeeze them, doesn’t mean I’m in pain. We’re almost there.” Apollo reassured.

Another five minutes passed before they arrived at the entrance of the hospital. Both of them rushed in the emergency ward and Elizzabet got wheeled into the Radiology department to get scans done. After the scans were complete and the IV’s were set and her vitals were stable enough, it was a waiting game. Apollo had called in Joan and Noma. Noma had made up with her parents some time ago and they are all a family again. Joan, Noma, Em, and Elise all showed up and waited for the news.

About 30 minutes had passed before the doctor came back to give the results.

“Elizzabet Kindling. A very long track record you have in the military, huh? In fact, it seems like you have been here before for other issues. First time we have seen you for your eye though…so, let’s get to it. Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be any traditional ‘good’ news in this case. Whenever you had the surgery done to remove the metal shrapnel from your eye, there were very tiny pieces that were missed and that remained in your eye, near the skull. Unfortunately, due to time and movement and a multitude of other factors, these shrapnel pieces have burrowed into your skull which is the cause of the pain that you are experiencing.” The Meinshao doctor tried his best to hide any emotion.

“What does that mean?” Joan asked.

“You can fix it can’t you?” pleaded Noma.

“Dear God, those shoddy doctors who did the surgery ought to be fired!” Exclaimed Apollo.

“I am afraid that surgery will be difficult because the vibrations that would be produced could drive the shrapnel further in and possibly even get into the brain. It is possible, but the risk is high. If we do attempt it, there is no absolute guarantee for success and even if it is successful, it is likely that you would be severely handicapped, physically at least. I am sorry to bring such bad news upon you, I know that this isn’t what you all wanted to hear, but it’s better to know than not. I’ll let you all think it through.”

Everybody started talking frantically, but Elizzabet just stared forward at her hand resting on he blanket. All the noise and light faded out and she was left alone in the room with just herself in this own little world she had sunk into. She didn’t hear when anyone called out for her. She knew exactly what was happening, her luck was run dry. She had heard what her medic friends in the military would say about delivering news and what to take away from it. The way the doctor spoke about the chances of survival were not good. Best case scenario, she goes home, she lets nature take its course and eventually, the shrapnel will make its way into her brain and she would die. Plan B is, she goes into surgery, and if she makes it out of that, she will be completely reliant on other people for the rest of her life. After this moment of clarity, she snapped to and hushed everybody in the room. Her heart was pounding, the monitor beeps playing a deafening crescendo. Tears started to form in her eyes as she looked around at her family in the room. Apollo was worried and was starting to tear up when he saw her tear up. Joan was strong as ever, but her face was kind and sorrowful now. Noma was already crying, looking at the ground. Elise and Em both consoled their partners.

“Joan, Noma, come here…please.” Elizzabet asked. As they came close to her sides, she pulled them close. Pressing her face to both of theirs, she started crying intensely, apologizing. “You know, I hoped to be around the day that both of you got married. You both are beautiful and strong girls and even though I will never see that glorious day now, at least I have met your future spouses. I am so proud of everything that you girls have done and I know that you will grow into fine women, you both already have. Even though I may not be here much longer, I will be able to see everything you two do and I will be smiling the whole time! I love you girls deeply, but now, leave me and your father to be together for a little bit.” Elizzabet said, letting her daughters go. Teary eyed, they walked out into the hall, Em and Elise following behind.

“Elizzabet, why were you talking like you had given up hope? I know you can beat…”

“No, I picked up on what the doctor was saying, either I die or I am going to be as useful as a dead person. I am not going to be a burden on my family in the off chance that I live through surgery.”

“What do you mean a burden? Don’t talk about yourself that way!” Apollo was in tears now.

“Don’t raise your voice, we don’t need Noma and Joan worrying any more than they already are. Listen, I also saw the way that the doctor kept looking at the clock, he was holding back the time frame that I really have. I know that I won’t make it through the night unless a miracle happens. I am ready to accept fate, It’s tough, but what is any different here than being on the frontlines?”

As Elizzabet and Apollo kept talking, the monitor became increasingly irregular and slower in pace. Three more minutes passed before the monitor quit beeping all together and Elizzabet’s eyes were closed forever. Elizzabet saw the scans out of the corner of her eye on her way out of the radio lab, the shrapnel was already in her brain. The whole time they were talking, every word had pushed the shrapnel deeper and deeper into the brain. A rush of crimson fell over the right side of her face as her eyes lay shut and a steady stream came from the corners of her mouth and drops of cherry red perched on her nose, as a steady beeping started to drone out the crying and screams of sadness that filled the room.

[cryptocoinguides]

BITCOIN HOLDERS – MASSIVE ALERT!!!

With only moments to go until the tips that should not touch do indeed touch also known as the dreaded death cross, while some analysts believe that bitcoin has run out of juice, but the real question is: can bitcoin squeak out one final push to the upside? Like a married couple, whose passion for each other has long subsided, I’m your host, William wiggles, and not to be confused with William the wiggler, and i think, that’s enough uh fun for one day make sure to like subscribe. Absolutely time-sensitive alerts. Remember uh! We will be doing the bit coiner ledger competition tomorrow, um, actually, i’m gon na be out of town.

So if i don’t do a video tomorrow, then the next day uh, but i’ll try to do one um if bitcoin does something uh and as well. If you guys are interested in bonuses, make sure to check out the stuff below uh uh the deals below and never fall victim scammers i have one instagram one, twitter and the rest are fake and without any further and the real ones are in my description. Without any further ado, let’s get this over with unbelievable. So as the dreaded tip touch of death draws closer here, some analysts are worried about a potential dump. However, let’s jump into this so we covered this about two days ago, when we were talking about the death cross, that it’s a lagging indicator, it doesn’t really mean too much it’s supposed to be bearish, but the track record is pretty murky, meaning it’s not very reliable, Meaning that death crosses don’t really mean that we’re going to get dumping.

In fact, usually it just means that we’ve already gotten dumping and that’s pretty much it. So. The grim sounding pattern in june of last year and another one in march of 2020 proved no dumpiness to continue here and actually turned higher and then formed a golden cross er shortly after on both those occasions here uh. But there was a cross back in 2019 that did um show that bitcoin had a little more dumping to do so again. Uh, if i’m being totally honest, it’s basically a non-indicator, it doesn’t really mean too much.

Nobody cares. Some people say it’s bearish, but for bitcoin, just about all previous death crosses or golden crosses have proven to be good, buying opportunities which again the longer time goes on. It just makes more sense to be buying bitcoin over time, always right, even if you buy the top uh. So far i mean bitcoin has always gone up and surpassed those tops so uh. I guess what i’m trying to say is buy bitcoin, but that’s not financial advice uh.

Whenever a death cross has occurred in the broader market indices or stocks most not all of the bad news has already been priced in. I think time could be a bigger risk to bitcoin than price at this point uh and as well. While people are looking for bottoms here, there are some mixed opinions here, uh. Obviously, forty six thousand forty six point: five, i think, is going to be a nice hurdle uh. As i said yesterday, i’m not gon na get really bullish in the short term until we break 46.

at the minimum, and i believe yesterday we only went up to about yeah about like the mid 44, thousands so somewhat close and actually now we’re taking a little Move to the downside here so uh yeah as i as i said, none of this is really bullish in the short term, until we at least i mean, realistically until we even break 49 and 50k. So again, we still have a decent amount to go before i get bullish in the short term, uh bitcoin bulls may show up to clear a few levels, but the whole herd is going to have to show up to clear them and that’s exactly it. We really need uh actual momentum to change and we have not seen that. Okay, we got a little bit of a baby bounce over the last few days, but that is not a change in momentum uh. We got many baby bounces over the past two months.

Okay, many baby bounces and they all turned into absolute devastating dumpage continued here. But one thing to note uh by suzu here, is that observing perpetual funding going increasingly negative as price grinds higher. It appears a real liquidation wave may be on the upside okay. Uh basically saying that uh we could see this squeeze punish late short traders who are just holding on to their positions to short bitcoin, which is exactly how we get bottoms form where everybody piles in with these. These short positions, everyone just doubles down and and thinks yes, we’re definitely going to keep going down and then by golly it doesn’t just.

I mean the best example. Really, i think, is back in the summer of 2021, where we had so many people. I remember everybody. Uh, well not everybody. A lot of people were saying that yes, 30k yeah we’re going straight back down to 20 and stuff like that.

People were actually putting in short positions at 30k, which was ridiculous, uh and again yeah. We did go a little bit below maybe like a thousand dollars below 30k for mere seconds, but uh trying to short bitcoin at 30k. Here a lot of people were doing. You might be thinking wow, that’s really dumb. Who would be dumb enough to do that?

A lot of people, a lot of people were doing that and uh that i think personally, absolutely completely cemented that bottom and allowed us to squeeze out a lot of the juice from the market and absolutely bust to the upside. My goodness, that’s what we love to see here, but um yeah other than that um bitcoin is still not doing much matic, i believe, overtook. I think it went higher up on the. I think it surpassed sheba, shiba, doggy coin, very big, again, fundamentally, very bullish on automatic and ethereum, as always uh bitcoin, ethereum and i’ve been, i don’t know, probably covering matic out of like 15 videos out of the past two or three months, so yeah very bullish. On that, as well uh, but with the spx now again, i’m heading a little bit down to the dumpy side, uh bitcoin again it looks as though we could easily see that re-test again of 40k and what i said a couple days ago.

I would not be surprised to see a really really quick swing down to the mid 30s okay to absolutely cement. The bottom could be mere seconds mere moments which i think it would be more likely that it would be very short than it would be a long, prolonged amount of time there um, but yeah with that being said, there’s nothing in my opinion that has shifted this Momentum actually firmly to the upside, yet we still have a long way to go. See the new channel make it. Electric is missy’s absolute time-sensitive alerts, make sure to check out any bonuses uh if you’re securing your crypto staking with our pool earning rewards uh. If you’re interested in trading bonuses or getting old coins make sure to check out everything below one instagram.

One twitter they’re, both linked below everything else, is a fake account. I have thousands of fake accounts of me: um uh, absolute dirt bag, dirt, munching, scammers, absolutely uh, burning hell gobble. My gumdrops and um make sure to drop your comment below and without any further ado. You

via BITCOIN HOLDERS – MASSIVE ALERT!!!

[milesgaylsprower]

Family Reunion

Also readable on AO3.

Sometimes family reunions happen every year at grandma’s house. Sometimes they happen in the parking lot of some dumpy gas station in the middle of nowhere. For Mabel Pines, who hasn’t seen her brother in nearly a decade, it’s the latter.

              As far as Mabel was concerned, the bathroom she was standing in barely qualified as a bathroom. The tiles were grimy and slick, the mirror broken and graffitied, and, well, she tried to not take in the other details. The stench was enough by itself to make this place a biohazard, and that wasn’t saying anything about the spot of mold on the wall that had definitely winked at her when she came in. But hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go. And in times like that, even a run-down gas station in the middle of nowhere was a better option than one of the numerous desert shrubs outside that provided relatively little shelter from the highway. Times like this made Mabel think though: why exactly did she think putting her headquarters in the middle of Arizona would be a good idea? Maybe it was the “middle of nowhere” aspect. After all, it was hard enough selling products with neon animals printed on them without mobs of little girls trying to get free stuff.

              When she had finally relieved herself (of being in that death trap called a bathroom), she returned to the affixed convenience store, clutching the bathroom key between a wad of toilet paper. She chucked it onto the clerk’s counter along with the toilet paper. Outside, a bit of motion caught her attention; an RV had just pulled into the station. As she approached the door to head back outside, she stopped mid-step and realized that she was really really hungry now. When was the last time she had eaten? Shrugging, she spun around on her heels and trotted off down one of the aisles to peruse the snack foods. Most of the food items available were covered with a fine layer of dust. The packaging was written in fonts that Mabel hadn’t seen since her childhood. She scanned the labels for something that looked like it contained the slightest amount of nutrition and wouldn’t kill her if she ate it. A familiar, bright pink label brought her to a halt.

              “Smile Dip, haha. Good times,” she said. Wasn’t this stuff still illegal? She couldn’t remember, but its dubious legal status wasn’t going to stop her from buying some anyway. She grabbed a few packs when the bell above the station’s door rang, though she couldn’t see if the RV owner had walked in or if maybe some poor lost soul had finally made it out of the building. She made her way further down the aisle towards a refrigerated section stocked with cans of old soda and off-color milk. When she rounded the corner, she caught a glimpse of a customer who was studying the selection of beverages. Just as quickly she ducked back behind the shelving, her hand clutched tight against her chest. Thudthudthud. Was that…

              She peeked around the corner and studied the man, who had his back turned to her, for any details she could pick out to be sure it was him. The long-sleeve plaid shirt had been sewn up in places with a lack of grace that only Dipper could manage. His jeans, caked with dirt and dust, called to mind scenes from their teenage years when he would go hunting for monsters in the woods. The hair she could see from beneath his hat looped and curled in an oh-so-familiar way. Then suddenly it hit her – that psychic connection, that intangible bond between twins, was thrust back into her consciousness after having laid dormant for years. Every nerve in her body was tingling; there was no longer any doubt in her mind.

              That slumbering psychic bond must have awoken in Dipper again as well, since he suddenly stiffened and the hair on the back of his neck stood up. He thrust his hand into the cooler without looking and grabbed whatever drink his fingers wrapped themselves around. Then he turned and, without even the slightest glance in Mabel’s direction, covered the distance to the cashier in several long strides. He pulled out an assortment of bills and coins from his pocket (was that some Monopoly money Mabel just saw?) and slammed them onto the counter.

              “This should be enough,” Dipper said, still clutching his drink and already making his way out the door.

              Mabel crept out from behind the shelf and said, “Dipper?”

              Dipper tensed even more. “I don’t need any change. Or a receipt,” he said to the clerk.

              Mabel watched Dipper recede through the glass of the door. He was crossing the parking lot to the RV, getting faster with each step as he evolved from a “trying my best to look casual” walk to an “oh man I really screwed up” run. Memories drifted through Mabel’s mind, overlapping with the present scene as she once again watched her brother disappear from her life. No, not this time. This time it would end differently. Dipper might be enough of a jackass to drive away from his sister, but she wasn’t going to let him. She bolted through the door, still clutching the Smile Dip.

              “Hey, you have to pay for that stuff!” the clerk yelled.

              She tossed the snacks back into the store. “They’re out of date anyway!” she said.

              Dipper was already shutting the door to the RV as Mabel ran across the parking lot. “Dipper, don’t even think about starting that rusty bunch of garbage up!” She grabbed the handle of the door and tugged on it, but Dipper had locked it. Her stomach sank.

              “Dipper, open the door!”

              There was no response. She went to the one of the windows and stood on her tiptoes to look inside. If Dipper was in there, he was probably crouched down on the ground like a dork. Mabel returned to the door and wiggled the handle again, hoping that maybe she just hadn’t pulled hard enough the first time. When the door refused to open, she rested her forehead against it and sighed.

              “Dipper… it’s been so long since I’ve seen you. Why won’t you let me in?” Tears welled up in her eyes. “I’ve missed you so much…”

              Mabel felt too numb to move. Maybe if she waited long enough, she’d spontaneously develop telekinesis and would be able to open the door by herself. Before she even had the opportunity to discovery her latent psychic powers, the sound of faint footsteps came from inside, followed by a faint click from the door. Lifting her head, she stared at the door handle, waiting for something to happen. When the door remained shut, she reached her trembling hand out towards the handle and took hold. She pulled, gently at first, then harder when she felt no resistance. The door swung open, revealing the dimly lit interior of the RV. She ran her forearm across her face to wipe away the tears, then took a step inside.

              The dimly lit cabin called to mind scenes of Weirdmageddon: an absolute whirlwind of a mess that could have only been made by an omnipotent demon or her brother. Papers and notebooks were strewn across the floor, countertops – any surface that would hold them. Some of the papers had been taped up with pictures and maps in a sort of collage, with strings and thumbtacks connecting them in an incomprehensible web. Sitting on the kitchen table was what looked like some radio equipment and a small laptop that had been scorched at least once in its lifetime. One of the RV walls had been shot through a few times, though Dipper had patched it up from the outside (probably with duct tape). The one space that wasn’t overflowing with clutter was a small bed whose covers had been jumbled up to match the rest of the décor. Near the bed, tucked against the corner of a window, was a photo of Dipper and Mabel from their days at Gravity Falls.

              Mabel said, “Nice place you got here.” Real smooth.

              Dipper chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it does the job.” He was sitting on one side of the tiny kitchen table, clutching its side.

              Mabel stood there, soaking in the silence with her brother, until Dipper finally said, “You can sit. I mean, if you want to. You don’t have to.”

              “Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure,” Mabel said, moving to sit down in the seat opposite Dipper. She stopped when she noticed that the seat was cluttered with more folders and papers. “Should I-” she started to ask, miming the act of picking up the pile.

              “Yeah, just. Just move them where ever you find space,” Dipper said. He rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry about the mess.”

              She gathered the papers up in her arms and let them fall to the floor with a resounding plop. “It’s alright,” she said, taking her seat. Again, the silence enveloped them as they tried to find interesting things to stare at in the RV. It was impossible to tell what exactly Dipper was thinking about, but Mabel had rehearsed this moment in her head for years. Each time it played out differently, but even with all that rehearsal and all of the variations she had conjured up, she was letting the silence between them stretch as long as the void in time that separated their collective lives.

              Mabel took a deep breath, sorting through the tough questions in her mind, and asked… “How have you been?” Great job, Mabel. Starting with the hard-hitting questions.

              “Oh. I’ve been, you know. Fine. But like, good fine. Busy.”

              “I can tell,” Mabel said, taking a look around the RV once more. Some of the things pinned up to the wall dredged up old memories, vaporous images that were all too easily obscured by the clouds of dust that had gathered on them after so many years: memories of journals, of other worlds, of unfamiliar creatures and growing pains and summer. “Looks like you’re still into monsters and ghosts,” she said, her eyes still scanning the cabin interior.

              Dipper forced a laugh out. “Ah, yeah. I guess that’s… sort of what I do? I hunt down paranormal things and… study them. It’s… you know… but hey, what about you? Big time CEO of a major company, that’s incredible!

              Mabel’s attention snapped back to Dipper. How in the world did he even know that? “Yeah, who knew that neon colors and cute animals would be such a hit with this generation?” she said with a shrug.

              “I’m proud of you,” said Dipper, either to his shoes or to Mabel. She was trying to figure out which it was.

              Dipper started to fidget with a pencil. As his arm moved about, his sleeve tugged upward and Mabel caught sight of a tattoo.

              “Hahaha, bro, is that a tattoo?” she said, a bit louder than she had intended.

              Dipper’s face turned red. “Oh. You saw that, huh?”

              “Lemme see, lemme see,” Mabel said, trying her best to lean over the table to get a closer look. The barrier between that had dissolved, if only for a little while, and it was just like old times again.

              Dipper hesitated for a moment before rolling up his sleeve. Red plaid receded and was replaced with a network of arcane lettering and geometric designs.

              Mabel frowned. “No offense, bro, but I was hoping you had gotten something a little less… weird.”

              “It’s… not really supposed to be fashionable,” he said. His voice got small as he said, “It’s for protection.”

              “Protection? From what?”

              Dipper swallowed hard and looked out the window. “There are things out there, Mabel. Dangerous things. Things that you and I can’t even comprehend.” He looked at Mabel, who nodded slowly as if to signal that she already knew this. Dipper said, “And someone has to protect us from those things! Because if someone doesn’t – if I don’t – then I…”

              “Is that what you’ve been doing this whole time?” Mabel interjected. “Is that why you left mom and dad? To go hunting for boogeymen and demons?”

              “No, Mabel, that’s not what… Mabel, I… you just don’t understand! I was doing this to protect you!”

              “Protect me? From what? Dipper, I’ve dealt with things that go bump in the night! I was there, remember?”

              “I just didn’t want you to get hurt!”

              “But I did get hurt, Dipper! You hurt me! Okay? You hurt me.” The tears returned without warning, tumbling down her cheeks and onto the table. “You promised me that nothing was going to tear us apart, but then you got up one day and left without even saying goodbye. Our parents were so worried, Dipper. I was so worried. Grunkle Ford spent so long looking for you but even he started to give up eventually. And then when Grunkle Stan… you didn’t even come, you weren’t even there.” She was trying to breathe normally to maintain at least some shred of composure, but could only manage a stuttered inhalation. She hated the stale air of the RV, hated this gas station, hated that her brother had done this and that there was no going back to the way things were before.

              “Mabel…”

              Mabel clutched her arms to her chest. The anxiety and catharsis that came with confronting Dipper shook her body. “I never understood, Dipper. I always thought that maybe it was my fault that you left, maybe I did something wrong and I didn’t know it. Maybe I wasn’t good enough. And I know I shouldn’t feel that way because I’m not the one who left. You disappeared from my life and you haven’t even said sorry. You never called to see how things were. I wondered where you were every day, if you were okay. And then I find you here, at this shithole of a gas station, and you tried to run away from me. You didn’t even want to say sorry.”

              “I’m sorry, Mabel. I felt like I had to do this. I wanted to do this. And I knew that everyone would try to stop me from doing it – except for you. You would have wanted to come along, and I didn’t want you getting hurt. I didn’t want this to end up like –”

              “Like Bill.”

              Dipper nodded.

              “Dipper, none of that turned out bad in the end.” Dipper opened his mouth to speak, but Mabel raised her hand to silence him. She continued, “I know it could have turned out bad, but it didn’t. We worked together in the end and we did what we always do… you know, be awesome. You’re right Dipper. Even though what you do is dangerous, I would have wanted to be there, by your side. You can’t do everything alone.”

              “I’m sorry, Mabel,” Dipper said again.

              Mabel was beginning to regain her composure, though her sniffles still punctuated the quiet tension that had settled between them. There was still so much Mabel had to say. There were things to share, stories to tell. Things that needed to be patched up. For the first time, Mabel realized the enormity of the task of rebuilding their relationship. From where she was sitting, it felt like an especially hopeless endeavor. Even if they did rebuild there was no guarantee that it would bring her any sense of closure or happiness. But today had been a first step towards mending things and Mabel wasn’t going to let that momentum go to waste.

              “Alright,” she said. “I’m going to help you.”

              Dipper blinked a few times. “What?”

              Mabel stood up and started closely examining the connections that Dipper had made between blurry photos and government documents. She took one of the strings between her finger and thumb and traced its path. “What are you looking for right now? You said you hunt paranormal things, you have to be doing something here.” She looked back at Dipper. “I’m going to help you look for it.”

              “What about your job?”

              She waved her hand in the air. “Please, they can manage fine without me. How hard is it to come up with those designs anyway? You could give a dog a packet of Smile Dip and they’d be able to do my job. Come on, what do you say? Mystery twins?”

              Dipper furrowed his brow for a moment, but then his expression softened. “Alright,” he said, a smile growing on his face. “Mystery twins.”

              “Yes!” Mabel said, punching the air. “Lay it on me, Dippin’ Sauce. What are we up against?”

              “Okay, Mabel. Have you ever heard of an omniscient extradimensional axolotl…”

[slush-pile-rejects]

salinger goes suburban

ANYWAY, THE first thing I did was, I went out onto the street and looked for a record store.  Anything to pass the time.  Marty's call had really freaked me out. It wasn't as if he were just telling me he'd left home or anything, although I guess that would've been worse for him personally in the long run.  Some of those things, it's only bad 'cause of how other people react.  Like the time I shoplifted a pack of gum, for Christ's sake, from Long's.  Geez, you should have seen my mom.  She gave me all sorts of hell for it, like as if it were a goddamn diamond ring or something.  If I didn't take it, some other pimply kid was going to, or some wannabe MacGyver would have used it to make a pipe bomb or something.  I was only going to chew it.  Anyway, I went out and looked for a record store.

The first place I went into was this little dive that only sold used records, which was fine by me, since I didn't want to buy any goddamn CD's.  I didn't have a goddamn CD player.  I still don't, inasmuch as I think they sound cold as all hell. The problem was, this place didn't have much of a selection.  They had about a zillion records by Ed Ames, but they didn't have a thing that I wanted to listen to.  I usually know what I want to buy when I go into a record store, but all I could think of was how Marty was getting ostracized and all by his family, and I couldn't concentrate at all.  That's always happening to me.  I mean, getting ostracized and all.

Then, while I was just sitting like a simp in front of the record rack, this babe snuck up on me.  I turned around all sudden, then I made like I was going to another aisle.  Real cool, you bet.

"Can I help you?"  She worked in the store.  She had this apron on, like she was going to get her dress all mucked up in back, stacking up records. That killed me.  I half expected her to show up with rubber gloves.

"No, I'm just looking."  I was being suave as all hell, you can depend on it. "Thanks anyway."  What a load of crap I was chucking.  The thing was, she was really quite cute.  Really, quite cute, as a matter of fact.  Whenever I see a babe whose quite cute, like this one, I start acting like a complete phony.  I can't help it.  I swear, I'm a madman. There I was, standing like a simp in front of the Ed Ames records, acting real suave.

"Actually," I said, "I just came in to get tickets to a concert."

"Oh, well, the ticket counter's in front, you know."  I knew all right. What a bunch of hooey.  I hadn't been to a concert in about a hundred and thirty years. I thought briefly about chatting her up on something else, but I didn't feel like it. Plus she was already helping someone else, although that wasn't it.  I just wasn't in the mood.  It's not a matter of timing, for Christ's sake.  Whenever I hear some guy say it was a matter of timing, it makes me want to puke.  It really does.

After that, I thought I'd better get a bite to eat, since I had sort of run out of the house in a hurry, and I hadn't eaten since morning.  My hands were really shaking.  They do that when I don't have enough vitamins and nutrients and all. All my teachers were worried about that when I was growing up, that I wouldn't get enough vitamins and nutrients.  They're right, I guess.  I mean, if you don't get enough vitamins and everything, you're bound to end up stunting your growth or something.  One of my schoolmates, Tom Wenceton, had this habit of throwing all his vegetables away at lunch time, and he never grew taller than about five and a half feet tall.  On account of not getting the vitamins from his vegetables he was always throwing away.

So, I went into this Dairy Queen.  They usually have some pretty girls working there, but on this day, on this particular day, there was just this dumpy old woman, serving hamburgers and shakes.  While I was waiting for my order, she tried to chat me up, and about the movies, of all things. She was just absolutely thrilled to see this movie about Robin Hood. That's what she said, "absolutely thrilled."  That killed me.  First of all, they always try to put in a lot of explosions in the movies.  And another thing, this guy who they got to play Robin Hood, Kevin Whatsis or other, I'll bet he doesn't look anything like Robin Hood. Movies are always figuring that if you put a guy in green tights, he looks like Robin Hood.  Anyway, that's what she was talking about, at around a million miles an hour, if you can believe that.  I got to feeling kind of sorry for her, her being a dumpy old woman and all, and I imagined the sort of day she must have all the time, all these kids coming in and ignoring her while they're waiting for their order, but not that sorry.  I mean, if someone's that nuts about the movies, they sort of deserve what they get.  I still couldn't help feeling a little sorry, though. That's me all right.  Holden S. Caulfield.  Holden Softhearted Caulfield.

There was this big music store around the corner from the Dairy Queen, where they sold records and goddamn CD's.  I was looking through the record section, looking for something that old Marty might like, when I got the oddest sensation.  It just felt odd, if you know what I mean, buying a record for that reason.  All that time, and I didn't know.  Boy, I'll bet Carl Luce would have known in an instant.  You take a guy like Luce, and they know that stuff instantly.  Luce would have known beforehand.  Before old Marty even opened his mouth.

I ended up buying this record of incidental music from Warner Brothers cartoons.  I didn't like the title, though.  What's incidental about it? Nothing.  So I decided, I'd take the record to Marty now, while it was still light.  I was going to give it to him later, but I thought if I waited and all, I might not get a chance. Sometimes, you never get a chance to give a guy a record.  Marty's house was just about a block and a half from where I was, so it was no problem.  Besides, I felt like walking a bit.

On the way there, there was this kid in front of his house, selling lemonade.  He looked like he was a little old to be selling lemonade, and was doing it just 'cause he had to make some money to pay for some window he broke playing ball.

"Mister, would you like some lemonade?"  Mister.  I'll bet he got a bang out of saying that.  I had just finished off a vanilla shake, but I figured it couldn't hurt, so I ordered a glass.

"That'll be a quarter."  He didn't even hold out his hand or anything. I got the quarter out quick.  I didn't want to depress him. He was getting to be a pain in the ass, if you want to know the truth.

"What's the matter?" I asked.  Yeah, softhearted.  "Did you break something?"

He nodded real slow.  "Vase.  I was just throwing a curve.  I didn't think it was going to break outside.  Who are you, anyway?  Did mom send you over here to give me a hard time?"  A real coward, this guy was.

"Me?  No, I wasn't sent here by no mom.  I'm just—Say, you want to make some money quick?"

He looked at me real funny.  He sort of looked like Sid Luckman when he did that.  Sid Luckman was a quarterback.  He was about a hundred and eighty years old by then.  Sid was counting on his fingers, just like any old accountant.

"How much?" asked old Sid, after about a minute of just sitting there.

"Ten bucks all right?"

"Yeah, I don't have to pay for the whole thing."  He still sounded kind of depressed and everything.  It was a definite pleasure doing business with Sid, that was for sure.  I handed him the record.

"Here, take this to this guy named Marty.  He lives just down the street, at"—I had to think about this one—138.  Just leave it in the mailbox, if he isn't there. No kidding now, get a move on." I gave him the money and started running down the street.  "It's a green house with white doors," I called out after him.  I don't know if he heard me or not.  I'll bet he's still running, and wondering where the hell this guy's house is.  The thing was, I was pretty sure he wasn't going to just take the record and hustle it out of sight or anything.  I mean, if you figure he was wondering if I was spying on him or something, then he wasn't going to just take the record.  I still didn't understand him, though, I certainly didn't.  You know, he and Marty would probably get along just fine. You see if they don't.

© 1994