#I mean getting even more technical I was eating a sloppy joe in a wrap <- ran out of buns <- had sloppy joe filling left over

[mobbothetrue]

Yeah I have a normal level of impulse control I think <- got burrito grease all over my fresh painted nails because I was hungry

[emotionalcello-makefanfics]

WARNING : Not Beta Read. Sorry if there’s a mistake.

Click link to read on AO3. Click Keep Reading to read on tumblr~~

Chapter 1 2 3 4 6(end)

Chapter 5

Word Count : 5k

Alfred drove him back to the hospital after his time was up. Jason thanked the old man that gave him his crutch and clothes and gave them back.

The next day, Mrs. Knope came to visit him at the hospital. She looked worried sick and wrapped Jason in a hug the second she saw him. Jason had apologized instantly, about the mess and his absence and that Jason can’t say anything about it. The old woman just gave an understanding smile and a pat on the shoulder, as if she knew. Someone must’ve brief her, and Jason hoped it’s not Batman bursting through the window to let her know.

“You saved a life Jason, and I’m proud of you for that, I knew you’re a good kid,” she said, while rubbing the top of Jason’s head.

It felt good to be complimented. He didn’t remember when someone said they’re proud of him while being pat on the head.

Jason felt awkward about his leg. Still feels like it’s there, and the days in the hospital felt dreadful. He hated the hospital and the sick and dying people in it. After 8 weeks and his stub is deemed to be fully healed, he bolts out.

When it was time to check out, Jason had thought Mrs. Knope paid for his hospital bills, but she didn’t. She just said someone else did, ‘a hero helping a hero,’ she said, and it can’t be any more obvious, but Jason just went with it and say good riddance to the cursed place.

Jason lost all of his calf, and they amputated above his knees. The doctor said it was heavily infected and in no way saving and he had lost too much blood. Something technical was said and Jason hadn’t paid much attention. What’s done is done, it’s not like he makes money with his legs. He still has his hands, he’ll work it out.

Just when he thought of getting prosthetic right away, a prosthetic leg arrived at his home right when he arrived back home to Mrs. Knope’s place. Inside is a note from Alfred, saying thank you and his signature.

There’s a manual inside the box where the leg is. It said it’s a C-leg prosthetic. There’s a rotator on where his knees supposed to be. The body of the leg is matte black, and on the top, typed in small letters spelled ‘ottoback’.

Following the instruction, Jason put it on while he still has a stump shrinker on. The socket is cozy and snugly fit on his stump. His healed stump still felt a bit raw, but he tried it on anyway. It feels okay. It feels enough. Though, it’s eerily a perfect fit. How Alfred got his measures correctly is something he’d rather not think about too much.

Mrs. Knope had wanted him to rest more,  but Jason became restless. He’s been laying in bed for two months, and he’s sick of doing nothing. Mrs. Knope agreed, on a condition that he attend rehabilitation for new amputees, also paid by ‘a mysterious benefactor’ Mrs. Knope said while giggling. In defeat, Jason did, which turns out to be very helpful to take care of his stump and how to walk in his new prosthetic.

It’s different with a prosthetic leg, or no leg at all. Sometimes he still freaks out seeing his leg is not there when he could feel it there. Sometimes it hurts when there’s no injury at all. The rehabilitator told him about the phantom limb pain, and how to deal with it. It’s anything but easy, but Jason still pays not much mind to it.

Agreeing to the rehabilitation, Mrs. Knope gave Jason work just as he wanted. But only half-day and the other half is for his rehabilitation. He doesn’t work a lot going under the car, just engines stuff, while he leads the newcomer. And he always sits, barely moving.

When he’s finally settled with his new daily routine, the months that passed by felt like flipping pages with the same words. Jason experienced his monotonous days with growing numbness. Just absentmindedly going through the day.

He sleeps at 11 pm, wakes up at 8 am, cook breakfast for him and Mrs. Knope. Work until 2 PM and goes to the rehabilitation center after a shower. Then he goes back home, cooks dinner, kills some time until it’s time to sleep. So and so, on repeat.

In the span of months, Jason feels nothing. No call from Alfred who’ll tell him if Tim wakes up. No reply back from Tim, if he’s already wake up. So, Jason waits, and while he waits, nothing feels like they matter more. Not the pain, not the nightmares, not his leg, the only thing that matters is far from his reach and all he can do is wait.

One day, after going back from the rehabilitation center, he takes a walk to the center of crime alley. Buy a sloppy joe and his feet carries him to a familiar building. No one guards the place. He used to go up to the roof and eat here, with Tim.

He eats there, alone. Hoping that he feels something. Hope.

Looking down to his feet and the ground 5 stories below, and feel a gaping hole in his chest digging deeper.

“Hey.”

Jason doesn’t even need to look back to know who’s calling him. Without replying, he sits beside Jason.

“Why are you here?” Jason asked.

Superboy doesn’t reply immediately, his handsome face twisted confusedly.

“This will sound creepy...”

“I’ve seen the Joker beat the fuck out of my leg while moaning, nothing you’ll do will out creep me.”

Kon grimaced, “That’s fucked up, and I’ve seen fucked up things.”

“Yeah.”

“Did you regret it?”

Jason looks at Superboy in the face, “No, but I’m never doing that again, I got out of these streets for a reason.”

Superboy seems confused, and Jason doesn’t feel like explaining himself.

“So, I’m here because... well, sometimes I checked up on you,” Superboy says instead.

“What does that mean?”

“I listen to you, like hearing you from afar, your heartbeat, your voice,” the hero looks down and shy away the more he said.

Feeling like his privacy is invaded, Jason narrowed his eyes, “Why?”

“I don’t know, you seem miserable, and I just wanted you to be okay.”

“I’m not okay, my best friend is in a coma,” Jason says flatly.

“He’ll wake up Jason.”

“Is one of your superpowers to know that too?” Jason says curtly.

“Look, I get that you’re sad, I’m sad too, but Batman has access to all the advanced tech and best doctors the world has to offer. They might not have the best impression for you, but they love Tim. So, I know he’s in good hands, and they’ll doing everything they can to get Tim better.”

Jason balled his fist, then lets out an amused laugh, “Yeah, yeah you’re right sunshine.”

Superboy looks surprised,  and then he ducks his head as if hiding his face, “Name’s Kon by the way, short for Connor Kent. Just Kon is cool.”

Jason scoffed, “Do supers gave out their names this easily?”

“I figured you’ll know sooner or later anyway.”

“Guess so, Jason, but I bet you already knew.”

“I did, not from kind mouths though.”

“They still bad mouthing me there?” there as in Wayne Manor.

“More like thinking of what should be done about you.”

“Heh, creepy. What’s taking them so long then?”

“Alfred, me, and Oracle apparently. We want to leave you be, but most of them want you to get a trial.”

Jason cocked an eyebrow, “For?”

“Killing the Joker,” Kon admits, he looks ashamed. There’s a pregnant pause between them, and then Jason’s laugh breaks the silence.

“That’s classic Batman!”

“You’re not angry?” Kon asked, dumbfounded.

“More like pissed, but they can’t do anything to me. They wanna do what? Kill me? Lock me up? Let me guess, they’re afraid I’ll blabber about their identity.”

“Yup.”

“They decided whether or not to bring me down and not what to do if I fight back?” Jason amusedly laughs, “They think they can win, they think I won’t fight back, dirty.”

Kon chuckled, “Some balls you got there.”

“Takes a pair to grow up on these streets.”

“Yeah... I never liked this city.”

“Way different from Metropolis?”

“Like black and white.”

With a huff of breath, Jason looks up to the reddish sky, “Why are you really here, Kon?”

The superhero didn’t reply for a while, then he takes a deep breath, “I know you love him too.”

Jason’s whole body tensed, instinctively grits his teeth and froze.

“So, I was wondering, if you’d like to see Tim? I’ll come with you, they’ll have to let you in.”

Jason game Kon an incredulous look, “Why?”

“What do you mean why? If I was not allowed to see Tim for months I would’ve gone crazy too.”

Jason glares at the super, “No! Why are you not angry? Or be awkward? Or anything? I’m in lo- like, I’m talking about your soulmate!” he barked.

“And what’s wrong with that??” Kon barks back, “Do you expect me to be jealous? Grow up!”

“Wha-” Jason stutters, perplexed. His blood boils all the way to his head and he quickly stands up, “If all you want is to rub your oh-so-perfect unbreakable soulbond on my face, then just leave me alone!”

Jason quickly straightens his prosthetic leg and walks away.

Kon quickly flies in front of him before he can get to the door, “That’s not what I meant!”

“Get away from me!” Jason pushed, but Kon didn’t move an inch. So, Jason quickly walks around him.

“Listen to me, Jason!”

“I hear enough about you!”

Before Jason can get to the stairs, a pair of arms wrap around his chest tightly and he is lifted up to the air.

“AAH! Get me the fuck down!” Jason fights, pounding Kon’s chest and struggle away from his steel grip.

Then the air gets colder, Kon doesn’t stop flying them both up. Ascending rapidly to the sky, the land under his feet grows further, and Jason shivered.

He quickly grabs Kon’s shoulder when he begins to see the whole city below.

Jason glares at Kon, grabbing his crew neck collar, “The fuck are you-”

“I’m sorry! I used to do this when I fight with Tim and gets him to listen to me. This usually calms him?”

“CALMS HIM? He can get down even if he falls from space! But if I let go then I’m dead!”

“I won’t let that happen,” Kon sighed, his arms firmly wrap around Jason’s torso, and Jason steps his good foot on top of Kon’s while his prosthetic flails around. “But I guess this works too... look.”

Jason glares at Kon, which face is suddenly too close for comfort.  They’re pressed body to body in mid-air, and Jason got nowhere to go besides down.

Finally, Jason sighed defeatedly, “What do you want, Kon?”

“You love him, don’t you?”

Jason’s lips twitched, “So what if I do?”

“Well... I uh, nothing really.” Kon shakes his head, “No, that’s not what I wanted to say... I’m just, you have to tell him that!”

Jason is now bewildered, “And why the fuck should I do that?”

“Why not?” Kon, the sweet sunshine and kinda stupid Kon, the jock but airhead type Kon, asked innocently, and Jason is livid.

“I know he’s gonna reject me! Why bother to say it just get hurt, and it’ll be awkward between us! I don’t want him to... to leave, or ignore me!”

“Tim won’t do that!”

“But it’ll still be awkward you insensitive a-hole! Things are hard enough seeing you all lovey-dovey with him I don’t...” Jason shuts his lips tight. His heart is beating like crazy, and it’s just so awkward to talk about shit like this, especially to Kon because... well, he’s Kon!

“I know Tim won’t leave me for you,” Kon confessed, and it angers Jason how he agrees with Kon, “But, I don’t think he’s gonna leave you for me either. He has one of those twinkly eyes whenever he talks about you”

Jason paused for a while and somehow remained eye contact with Kon, who’s now looked worried.

“Jason are you-”

“I know about the twinkly eyes, but he has them only at animes, and you of course, but mostly animes, you know?”

Kon nods, wholly agreeing.

“Tim... has issues, self-worth issues, it makes him work all the time, and it’s scary to look at.”

Now, it’s Jason that wholly agrees, “Tell me about it.”

“Even I can see that you love him earnestly,” Kon brings it up again, but this time, Jason really felt Kon is just being sincere, “So, I thought, Tim will be happy if he knows, that someone can choose to love him, not out of obligation, not just because a soul mark told them to.”

Jason blinks, “Is that what he says to you?”

“At first. It’s hard to get through to him, but eventually, I did.” Kon’s arms tighten around him, and his head drops down, almost touching Jason’s shoulder, “I love Tim, and then he says things like that... I just want him to be happy, you know? He’s too selfless at times. He’s giving too much for the city that will never give back to him.”

Kon lifts his head and gave a soft smile for Jason. His piercing blue eyes are earnest and kind that even Jason is caught off guard by the sudden fondness. Jason was right, Kon is much more handsome smiling. What a dangerous power, even Jason’s heart leaped when Kon sees him like that.

“The way he talks about you, and the way you look at him, even though you guys are not bound with a soul mark, I thought you guys will be good with each other. Now that I’ve met you, I know.”

Kon beams his smile, so bright that Jason winced a little. Jason balled his fists on Kon’s back.

“And you’re cool with that?” Jason asked.

“For Tim? Anything.”

Then, they just float in the air. Even though he knows they are practically embracing, but he’d like to not fall to death. And this isn’t so bad.

Jason feels less conscious now over Kon’s arms holding his waist tightly and his taut abs pressing against his stomach. The warmth and heartbeat felt through his jacket are growing comfortable.

Kon doesn’t seem like he minds. He kept his hands wrapped securely, and his eyes look up, while Jason’s looks down. Avoiding eye contact is the only space they get up there.

The city below is debatably pretty. Lights from far away mimicking the stars are always pretty, but the fog covers some parts of it, and some parts are questionably dark.

The light and the dark, Jason had always lived in the latter’s part. For most of his childhood, the world consists of that darkness, it was his whole life, but it felt so small from where is. Just a tiny dot among many others.

“I guess this is calming,” Jason says.

“Yeah, it can be.”

Then they float a little longer. Jason never flew before, much less being carried by someone that can fly. He can understand why Tim would find this relaxing.

Sometimes, when all you see is the dark side when all that you’ve seen is the nasty and bad part for all your life, your perception of the world gets twisted. Because that’s all you know, that’s all you’ve seen. Yet, from up here, Jason’s ‘whole world’ is just a part of something bigger, something better.

It makes Jason feels something.

Feelings like hope.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“You don’t have to do that, just so you know,” Jason reminded when Kon finally lowers him down and his feet finally touched the ground at the back of Mrs. Knope’s garage.

“I know, but please keep my number, if you change your mind about slipping you into the manor, just give me a call. Or if you just want to hang out,” Kon shrugged, “I’m down for doing anything.”

For a moment, Jason contemplates if Kon is doing this out of pity again, but one look at Kon’s face changed his mind. Kon is not doing this for Jason.

“Fine,” Jason finds himself agreeing.

Kon beams happily and spreads his arms, and Jason just complies without much protest. He’s not crushed under super strength this time, but he’s being held closely and preciously. Kon looks like he was on the verge of tears before Jason hugs him.

Kon is not doing this for Jason, he’s doing it for himself. Once again, Jason is reminded that he’s not the only one terribly affected by what happened to Tim.

Somehow, Jason gets it, maybe he’ll do it for himself too.

++++++++

Nightmares aren’t something new for Jason. People get nightmares, Jason is not an exception, and most of them are about Tim. Often caused by, well, Tim’s night time job. Recently it’s getting bad, Jason still can’t wash away the feeling of Tim’s limp body on his arms, and it keeps replaying how Joker broke his leg, then his leg will hurt as if also remembering. Lately, his dreams are always about one thing, that Jason is too late and the Joker killed Tim.

He’s used to that now, six months have passed since the incident. Whenever he woke up in his room and sees his leg, he knows that the Joker is dead, and Tim is alive.

Someone is knocking on his window, his room is on the second floor. And of course, it’s Kon in hoodies and jeans. Jason put on his leg and walk over to the window.

“You did not just fly here in civvies,” Jason commented and opened his window.

“I-uh, run here?” then he flies inside the room.

Jason gave him a look and Kon just smiled sheepishly.

“Can I help you?” Jason crosses his arms.

“I heard you were screaming.”

“You heard- I-...” Jason sighed and rolled his eyes, “I thought we agreed on the no spying thing.”

“I’m sorry! I can’t help it. After Tim, I just can’t. So I tuned to you sometimes.” Kon looks like a kicked puppy, with his red-rimmed eyes like he hasn’t stopped crying from when he last saw him.

Jason sighed defeatedly, “Go sit on the bed, I’m gonna make tea.”

“Thank you.”

Leaving the dejected Kon in his room, he goes downstairs and makes tea, while contemplating the turns of events in his life.

Heat is creeping up his neck and spreading on his face. What is with Kon and that kicked puppy look. Jason was so close to kicking him out and then the man just looks at him with downturned eyes and looks like he just cried.

Does Kon have nightmares too? He wanders. Kon is always all smiles and positive, but what he just sees is anything but.

“Hope you like sleepytime.” Jason walks into his room, to see Kon is the same exact position.

“That’s nice, thanks.”

They sit side by side, blowing their tea before sipping them slightly.

“You got nightmares too?” Jason started.

And Kon just shrugged, “Will be weird if I don’t, comes with the hero lifestyle, but lately... you know, Tim.”

“Ah, of course, I got it.” Jason takes small sips of his tea, leaning his back against the headboard, looking at Kon who also silently sipping tea, sitting the foot of his bed.

“Can I sleepover?” Kon said, and honestly, that’s too much awkward energy to sleep tightly.

“What wrong with your own place?”

“I just don’t want to be alone, tonight.”

Jason understands that one, but still...

“What about your friends?”

“They’re not you.”

Jason cocked an eyebrow, “Look, I know I lost a leg, doesn’t mean I can’t stab a bitch in defense.”

“Please?” Kon looks at him with that kicked puppy look again, and Jason finally melts.

“Fine..”

Kon immediately beams, finally smiling after what it looks like a long time.

“I got no couch for you to crash on, so we’re sleeping on our sides.”

“Okay,” Kon enthusiastically agree.

Jason gave Kon a pair of his sleepwear, which fits surprisingly well. Both men are relatively big, and sleeping on a single bed obviously is too small for them, but no one is protesting. They’re both facing away from each other, trying to not have any physical contact, as much as they can anyway.

Jason felt conscious of the other body on his bed, the warmth, the silent sound of breathing and his presence. Yet somehow Jason doesn’t mind it. Still hard to sleep after he’s fully awake from the dream and Kon’s invasion.

“Is it okay if I ask about your nightmare?” Kon asked.

“What’s it to you?”

“I can’t sleep.”

Don’t know why Kon wanted to know, it’s not exactly a bedtime story material, but Jason can’t sleep too.

“It’s about Tim. Most of it is always about Tim, but I’m used to it, so don’t bother coming here again just because I screamed in the middle of the night.”

“You’re used to it?”

“I’ve had bad dreams about Tim ever since he became Robin, it gets worse because of the incident. You might be invincible, but Tim’s not. He’s human, and humans are fragile, so easy to kill, so easy to manipulate. I got... sometimes I got a panic attack whenever I see Tim on TV, it was amazing how he can beat enemies hundreds of times bigger than him, crimelords, aliens, and I’m amazed, I do... but he’s just Tim. He’s human.”

“I know how you feel Jason, I understand that the people that love us are worried sick about us putting ourselves in danger. But we’re not alone. We’re in teams, we got each other’s back. Tim has his family of vigilantes, who are all geniuses and master fighters.”

“Where were they then when I found him?” Jason hissed, but Kon doesn’t faze.

“Well, that’s why he got you, right? You’re human too, but you kill the Joker, and man was that badass, to be honest, I was starstruck when I hear the story of how you find him. You just literally stole Batman’s other identities and kill one of the most dangerous villains that ever lived.”

Jason chuckles dryly, feeling awkward over the compliment.

“It’s really poetic!” Kon suddenly sounds fired up, “To think that the Joker, a genocidal villain that kills helpless civilians for his own selfish games against his victim’s protector, who draw the lines at killing the villain that treats the very people he swore to protect as nothing but disposable pawns, is killed by none other than one of the ‘helpless’ civilians. The hero was never the protector, but it is the will and bravery of the victim.” His voice said is as if reciting a synopsis of a movie, intimately.

The civilian, Jason, lightly chuckles, “Calm down Shakespeare, it’s not that deep.”

“It is though if you think about it.”

Yes, it is, and who knew Kon has whatever mode that was. But Jason be damned if he admits he’s a hero. Jason is not a hero, he’s just protecting a person precious to him. And there’s no way he won't kill the Joker who can and will do that again to Tim. It’s just common sense, not a heroic act. He’s just not as good as Kon said he is.

“Whatever sunshine, Tim’s gonna kill me when he wakes up if he knew I kill someone in his name, he doesn’t like that shit.”

“Yeah, but if you didn’t I would’ve.”

“You would?” Jason asked, honestly surprised.

“Yeah... out of anger. If I had thought he killed Tim.” Jason felt that. “I don’t know what I’d do if Tim died,” Kon continued.

“Me too.”

Jason sighed and turns around, “Come here.”

Kon does so without another word and wraps his bulky arms around Jason’s torso, holding him close. Jason is lying on his back, with one arm around Kon’s shoulder as the super lay his head on his shoulder and the other is holding on Kon’s arm on top of his chest.

How did they end up like this, Jason doesn’t know, but it’s not so bad. His heart is racing now, for whatever reason. His decision was instinctive. Suddenly he just wanted to have Kon close to him.

Just like this.

To be held preciously, closely, like the arms around him will never let him go.

Ever since Kon held him when they fly, Jason hasn’t been able to forget how it felt to be held that way. And now, Kon is here again. If he’s being completely honest, he’s not that upset when Kon flies over today.

This feels nice, this feels more than nice.

“Your heart is beating fast Jason,” Kon stated.

“Stop spying on me!” Jason scolded, but his hand instinctively clenched.

Kon only giggles, held him even closer and face tucked into Jason’s neck, which sends another fuel to his already racing heart.

So, he breaths in and out, trying to calm himself, and he smells the same scent of baby powder as Tim from Kon’s hair.

“You smell like Tim,” Jason loosely stated.

“Baby powder, right?”

“Yeah, is it some fancy brand or something?”

“No, it’s Johnson’s baby powder, the blue one.”

“Huh, and you’re wearing the same one because?”

“Because... I miss him?”

“Wow, you’re really miserable huh?”

“Is it that obvious?” Kon nuzzles himself closer, squeezing even tighter, and thankfully, not too deathly tight.

“Kind of, but yeah, me too buddy.” Jason rubs Kon’s head, and close his eyes. Letting Kon’s heartbeat and the scent of baby powder lull him to sleep.

+++++++++

Kon texted him to meet after he’s done work today, and Jason finishes up early right away. When Jason texted back that he’s already done, Kon arrived in his room in an instant, bringing a gush of wind with him.

“What’s going on?”

Kon seems to be caught off guard seeing Jason restless.

“I just, wanted to see you?”

Jason blinks, then just deflated, “Then don’t sound like there’s an emergency!”

“How do I sound over text?”

Kon got a point, Jason was making it up in his head, out of context, the text ‘Can I see you today?’ doesn’t sound so threatening now. What was he thinking when Kon texted him? Jason can’t remember now.

“Whatever,” Jason dismissed, “Why do you want to see me?”

“I just do, is that wrong?”

“It’s not wrong but it’s definitely weird.”

“Why is that?”

“Are we even friends to begin with?”

“I... I’d like to think so....”

His eyes narrowed at his friend(?). It’s not that Kon is a bad company, it’s... no, it’s just a surprise that’s all. At first, it was so weird to interact more with Kon than he should, but Kon is... refreshing. He’s good. Like a ray of sunshine and without a shadow.

“I guess we kind of is,” Jason found himself agreeing, who knows why.

Never did he ever hated Kon for being with Tim. Jealous, maybe, but never hate.

“What do you want to do?” Jason crosses his arms, “I gotta shower first though,” Then starting to peel off his clothes as soon as he steps into his bathroom.

“I don’t know honestly, I just don’t want to be alone.”

Sighing, Jason steps back outside the bathroom in his boxers, “Is that your real reason?”

The super stood up straight at seeing Jason, and he can feel his eyes darted at his stomach, his face, then his stomach again, then finally looks away flusteredly.

“You have friends and family, why are you looking for me?”

An unsure frown shows on his face, somehow even the frown still makes Kon looks boyishly beautiful, what a terrifyingly powerful being.

“Is having someone enjoying your company so unbelievable?” Kon counters with a question instead, something Jason picks up from Kon’s habits.

“I’m not exactly nice to you, sunshine,” Jason amusedly chuckled.

“Sunshine you said, I wish I can be that at all times,” then Kon looks down at his fingers that play with each other as if thinking of the past.

“No one is a ray of sunshine all the time, but you looked like you try anyway, and you know what? It’s appreciated, you got a killer smile.” Jason steps forward and gave Kon a pat on the cheek without thinking twice.

He thought he should’ve when he sees Kon’s face suddenly blooms in red.

“Why are you-”

“You’re half-naked! And too close!” Kon steps back, and met Jason’s table and knocks down a few books and pencils.

Jason cocked an eyebrow, he had heard some people are not used to nudity, but there’s no way Kon is that pure.

But it’s none of his business anyway.

“Okay?” Jason goes back to the bathroom, and hear Kon sighed exasperatedly. “You better have an idea where you’re taking me after I’m done showering.”

“Okay!”

In the end, they go to the diner Jason and Tim frequent to. It makes Jason misses Tim even more, but for once, going back to the place he’s gone to with Tim doesn’t pinch anymore. Not with Kon being himself. Even though only a few weeks ago he was on the verge of tears and breaking down, look at him smile now. He smiles so brightly that it makes Jason’s stomach heats up.

Sunshine indeed.

That night, Jason found himself smiling and having fun for the first time in a while. And he doesn’t want it to end just yet.

“You’re going back home?” Jason casually slides the question, but whatever tone he said it with made Kon blushed from the neck up.

“I’m... Can I stay with you?”

Jason is not stupid, he knows why Kon is flustered and all blushed up. Still, he can’t believe his eyes. Something wicked inside him takes over instead.

His hand reaches out to Kon’s cheek, and tap it twice, “You can always stay with me,” Jason says with his low and inviting voice. Poor Kon combusts right away, and Jason cackles uncontrollably, holding his stomach as he goes.

“Yo-You’re playing with me!” Kon shouts, and Jason still can’t stop laughing.

“Don’t be too mad sunshine,” Jason wraps Kon on the shoulder after seeing the super sulks, “I’ll let you win at Splendor if you’d cheered up.”

“Don’t get cocky! I’ll make it that you’ll never buy the cards you want ever again!”

Jason laughed again. Despite the sulking, Kon does stay over. His clothes are left there in Jason’s cabinet and he doesn’t remember when he starts leaving them there. They play Splendor, and of course, Jason wins again. They watch an episode of a series they’ve been watching on Jason’s phone because none of them owns a tablet or a laptop.

While watching their guilty pleasures on a suffocatingly small screen and eating yesterday’s leftover take out, they lay on Jason’s single bed comfortably while making comments about the series they just watched. And Kon is colorful in his description and it’s either left Jason disgusted or amused. Whichever it is, Jason is never bored with Kon.

As he looks at Kon in his bed, who’s shredding Derek Hale to pieces from being too broody, he wonders, when was it that being with Kon starting to feel this natural.

++++++++++

[alwayshaveneverholdd]

As Long As It Takes Chapter 1

SO I’m just experimenting and seeing where this will go! I hope someone likes it lol. 

VernonxOC with side CoupsxOC

She was twenty-two, and she had seen things beyond any average Joe’s wildest imagination.

It started with a stock market crash, leading to the demise of many more lives than originally thought. Specifically hers. Nothing terrible had happened at that point, but it did cause her parents to give her and her sister up to an adoption agency. Not long after, they were split up, she being shipped to South Korea, their mother’s homeland. But she doesn’t like to think about that.

“Unnie!” Iseul called, eyes wide with a hunger she frequently saw whenever attractive customers were on the premises. She usually didn’t notice them since she was absorbed in her work. Iseul always did, though. And she knew that.

Even though she was only four years younger, Jangmi always saw Iseul as a kid. Iseul was a spunky eighteen-year-old waitress finishing up her senior year of high school. She frequently made suicide jokes because the workload was so much, but Jangmi knew never to take her seriously. Since they both spoke English well, they used it with each other, frequently annoying their co-workers.

“Hm?” She barely looked up from the garlic albacore roll she was preparing. Jangmi found pride in the fact that her restaurant was popular among the young people who wanted western-type sushi, something rarely practiced in Korea. It wasn’t technically her restaurant, but she’d worked there for six long years. That place wouldn’t be what it was without her.

Iseul leaned over the sushi bar, past a couple who was uncomfortable at how close she was. “Table four!” she hissed.

This happens every time, she thought. With a dramatic sigh, Jangmi pulled her head up and swiveled it toward the aforementioned table. Typically, there would be some attractive guys but nothing like the five that made her do a double-take. It wasn’t just their looks, either. There was clearly an air of confidence, brotherhood, loyalty. All things that she admired. She did notice, however, that they were much younger than her. At least two to five years. Sometimes, Iseul would pick guys closer to Jangmi’s age. It worked out, she got laid, everyone won. But that was only sometimes, and this one not one of them. She shook her head, wrapping the roll in the paper mat and grabbing her knife.

“Yes, they’re extremely attractive and I probably babysat them in junior high. All yours.”

Isuel smirked. “You see the one with kind-of sharp features?” She didn’t bother looking up. “He goes to my school, so they’re all probably around my age.” When she did look up, Iseul winked. “Wish me luck!”

She sighed as the young girl swayed away. “Yeah, sure,” she mumbled while mise-en-placing. “Just flirt your way into the top universities. That’ll get you places.”

Iseul frequently flirted with the cute customers, but she only did it for fun. She never wanted or expected it to go anywhere. Jangmi knew this as well, so her flirting with them didn’t phase her. It still didn’t bother her that much when she came back to get their drink orders after an unprofessionally long conversation and said that she learned their names and that the oldest one- two years older than her and two years younger than Jangmi -was flirting back. But when she looked up to find Iseul pointing to the sushi bar, the piercing gazes of the young boys following, she wanted to hide.

Her cheeks pinked as she looked back down at her board. What was she just doing? She couldn’t seem to remember. It was hard to get a good look at them- but it’s not like she wanted to. They were children. They were children and she was a grown ass woman who was too old for them. Besides the one Iseul took a particular liking to. But she didn’t think it was that one. The one that caught her eye looked especially young, maybe around sixteen. It made her cringe to think about her sick attraction to a minor. It was illegal. She could see the headlines. LOCAL SUSHI CHEF CHARGED WITH COUNTS OF PEDOPHILIA. She would be a registered sex offender for the rest of her life.

“Hey!”

She started at this, completely lost in her thoughts. “What?!”

Iseul raised an eyebrow. “You’ve just been standing there for like ten minutes. Come on, we’re busy.” Then she smirked once more, clearly a trend for that day, and slid an all-you-can-eat paper over the top of the glass case. “They’re growing boys. They need to become beefy.”

“Get outta here,” She laughed, waving her off with the paper. Her eyes widened once they rested on it. The boys really did order a lot. It was time to get to work.

“언니! Look!” After the long work day, Jangmi was unhooking her sushi chef headband. Iseul’s voice was unusually shocked with a twinge of excitement. “He actually gave me his number!” She flapped a receipt under her senior’s face. “And a twenty dollar tip!”

She tilted her head. “Who?”

“That guy! The older one from earlier?” Iseul looked down at the receipt again, reading the sloppy handwriting. “S… coups? S.Coups?”

For reasons unbeknownst to her, Jangmi snorted. “That’s an odd name.”

“Fuck off, he’s cute.”

It was silent for a moment as Iseul hung up her apron and Jangmi picked up her purse. “You gonna call him?”

“I don’t know… Should I?”

“Well, I mean, yeah.”

“But what if he thinks I’m annoying?”

“He left you his number for a reason!”

“So? He could’ve just been being nice.”

She scoffed. “Okay, Iseul, listen to me very carefully.” Jangmi took in a long breath. “Guys aren’t nice to girls unless they like them. That’s a fact.”

Iseul toyed with the idea uncomfortably. She knew that Jangmi was not only right, but had four years of experience on her. Even so, her insecurities made the situation more complicated than needed. “I’ll think about it,” she muttered, grabbing her small black backpack. “See you tomorrow, 언니.” She bowed respectfully before pushing the glass door open.

Jangmi sighed. She worried about Iseul, sometimes. She never opened herself up to love. But Jangmi figured most people didn’t. Even she was guilty of that. Occasional one night stands were the only way she’d let herself connect to another person in that way. She knew it didn’t mean anything. And that’s what made it okay.

Another day, another penny, another lonely night spent drinking wine and looking at the Seoul skyline from her apartment balcony. She teased a cigarette between her fingers, never being able to break the habit that formed at the ripe age of thirteen. The twinkling lights staring back at her were almost therapeutic. God knew she needed something like that.

All night, she couldn’t stop thinking about that kid. But morning came, and she had pushed him to the back of her mind; forgotten. I’ll probably never see him again, she thought.

Hah.

A few days later was a Monday, the worst kind for Iseul. It meant getting up at six so she could get to school by eight. She wasn’t as reluctant that morning, though. She had a connection to that guy which meant she didn’t have to go through the awkwardness of calling him. She didn’t remember his name, but he was in her homeroom class.

The teacher sat bored at her desk, clearly pondering the worth of her dead-end career. Iseul stood jittery next to her desk, already having set down her things. She was the first one there. He usually got there pretty fast as well, but as more kids trickled into the room, she stared out the big windows with disappointment. “Where is he?”

After what felt like an hour, the smiley guy waltzed in, clearly exhausted but happy as ever. “Hey!” she called him over. He looked a bit confused, but he was a friendly guy. He just figured she wanted to ask something. He wasn’t wrong. But as he got closer, he recognized her.

“Hey, you’re the waitress from Friday.”

She beamed, happy that he remembered. “I sure am. Um, listen. I just wanted to ask about one of your friends…”

“S.Coups, right?”

She stopped, the very definition of a deer in headlights. “Oh, well, um…”

He laughed. It was big and appreciative, echoing through the room. It wasn’t a surprise to anyone, though. He was a renowned happy virus. “Yeah, he said he was leaving your number. Actually made a bet that you’d call.”

“What?” The sudden change in Iseul’s tone made his eyes widen. She scoffed. “So he thinks I’m so desperate that I’d call a random customer who leaves his number? I mean, he’s right… But does he seriously think he’s so special? Well he’s got another thing coming!” She yanked the receipt out of her pocket.

He began waving his hands. “Wait, that’s not-”

“I can’t believe I even considered calling that jerk.” She tore the paper into a million pieces. “He’s still hot, but… god, how embarrassing.”

“I don’t think you understand-”

“No, no. It’s fine. Not your fault. Seokmin, right? It’s fine.” She started back toward her desk, humiliation pooling in her stomach.

Seokmin felt awful. Coups hadn’t meant the bet to be that way, although he could be cocky sometimes. He wanted to straighten things out with Iseul, but just as she sat down, the bell rang for class to start. I’ll tell her tomorrow, he thought.

Jangmi went into work the following week expecting the same things. Same coworkers, same rush hour, same equipment. Her life seemed to be a never ending carousel of work and sleep, round and round it went. Where was it heading? Nowhere. She began to tire of it. She longed for change.

“Table or sushi bar?” She must’ve overheard Iseul and the other waiters ask this about a hundred times a day. But for some reason, that time, she looked up to see the customers. Her eyes locked with warm pools of hazel, sending her heart into a beating frenzy. It was that damn kid again. The group was smaller, though. It was the kid, the oldest one from last time, and one she’d never seen. He looked familiar, but she saw so many faces everyday that it could’ve just been a resemblance.

She ducked her head when he smiled shyly at her, focusing on the seaweed she was marinating in sesame oil. His smile was too much for her. Last time, she caught him laughing a couple times and almost died. “Will you be doing all-you-can-eat today?” The question sounded alarmingly close, almost right in her ear. She glanced up, startled at the three boys sitting right in front of her.

“Jesus…”

“Spooked?” Iseul teased, winking and going to get some all-you-can-eat papers.

Jangmi winced, replying dryly. “Ahahahahaha.” She sighed at the orders in front of her. “You’re so funny…”

“Hey,” Iseul recoiled at the feeling of someone touching her, not expecting it to be S.Coups at all. “You totally blew me off last week.” He gave her puppy dog eyes, a cutesy manipulation tactic he often used to get his way with women. His plump lips were jutted out in a pout before he smiled at her, a small laugh escaping his lips.

She didn’t know what to do. She literally just stood there, hyper-aware of not only his gaze, but his friends’ and Jangmi’s. “Oh, I…” Words tried coming out, but she kept fumbling over them. “I lost the paper thing. I mean, I didn’t lose it. I tore it up. But that’s just because I misunderstood!” She started rambling, talking so fast that S.Coups could barely understand her. “But then Seokmin explained it and it’s all okay now but I still didn’t have your number and I just…” She stared at him, wide-eyed. “I’m sorry.”

At first, he was baffled. Of course, all the while fanboying inside. He loved making girls nervous, especially ones he was interested in. He burst out in laughter, taking one of her hands and squeezing it. “You’re so cute!” Her initial reaction was to pull away, but somehow under his eyes and the way his mouth was opened in a wide grin all because of her, she just couldn’t.

A small smile fought it’s way to her face. She looked at the ground for a second before returning to him. “I should probably go get your drinks.”

“And your number, I hope?” The disrespectful bugger bit his lower lip, somehow still smiling a bit after he asked this, causing Jangmi’s jaw to drop as Iseul scurried away.

“Oh, man…” She shook her head, slicing a roll. “We’ve got a Casanova on our hands.”

The kid giggled, and it was the most beautiful sound she’d ever heard. She looked up at him with a smile, wondering if he spoke English. He must, she reasoned. How else would he understand what I’m saying? He smiled back, but quickly became self-conscious and looked down at the table. When she returned to her work, shaking the smile off her face, his gaze returned.

He couldn’t help but stare at her. He thought she was a very beautiful woman, but it wasn’t that that attracted him to her. She had an air of maturity, knowledge, life experience. All things he wanted. Things he wanted to be taught from someone older than him, someone who could help him grow without trying.

He wanted it to be her.

It was clear to him that she was older, and that did make him nervous. But she seemed kind. He needed that kind of energy. Things were stressful since he and the boys were about to debut in a few months. They stayed up all night practicing, sometimes not getting sleep for as much as thirty-six hours.

“Excuse me.” Jangmi looked up at the familiar boy sitting between the two others. “Do I know you?”

She tilted her head. “I don’t know. Maybe. I was thinking you look familiar-”

“Wait!” His eyes lit up, finally recognizing his old babysitter. “I got it! Victoria!”

Her heart sank into her stomach at the mention of her birth name. But she tried to play it cool. She did remember him, after all. “Little Boo Seungkwan!”

“You know everybody on Jeju is looking for you, right?”

She scoffed uncomfortably, working on some food. “Please. I left ten years ago.”

“Left?” Seungkwan sassed. “You disappeared! We all thought you were dead.”

And sometimes she wished she was. “Hardly disappeared… I just decided to leave. And that was just my English name. I go by Jangmi now.”

He scrunched up his face. “Really? You look more like a Victoria.”

“Well, I don’t want to interrupt your bro bonding time,” she cut the conversation short, returning full focus to her duties.

“Vernonie,” Seungkwan said, turning his head to the idiot who couldn’t stop staring at her.

He turned to him, a  bit startled. “Huh?”

“Don’t you think noona looks more like a Victoria?”

She sighed exasperatedly, setting her knife down and trying to ignore that she now knew his name. “You know…”

“Two sodas and an iced milk tea,” Iseul announced, coming up with a tray and setting the drinks down.

Jangmi eyed the sodas through slits, silently judging S.Coups and Seungkwan. “Who drinks soda with sushi?”

“Who doesn’t drink soda with sushi?” Seungkwan retorted.

“Smart people.”

“Ouch,” Vernon commented, sipping at his milk tea with amusement.

“Soda completely destroys your palette. There’s no way you can fully appreciate the flavor with a shot of pepsi between every bite.”

S.Coups held up the wasabi and ginger plate condescendingly. “That’s what the ginger is for.”

“If you did a little more studying instead of flirting, you would know that ginger doesn’t compensate for carbonation remapping your tastebuds, hot shot.”

He just gaped at her while Seungkwan’s jaw dropped and Vernon lost it. “You’re on fire,” Iseul said, high fiving her.

“What are you laughing at?” she asked Vernon teasingly. “Milk tea is creamy and aromatic, so while it may not demolish your tongue, it definitely does make it hard to fully taste.” She ended the little culinary lesson with a smile directed at him. He took the jab surprisingly well, just smiling back. It was probably just because she was looking at him and he thought she was pretty and nice and he was on cloud nine, being the stupid teenager he was. Besides, that just proved that he was right. She did know more than him. Intelligent, beautiful, and kind. There was no way he’d give up on this one.

“After debut, we’ll definitely tell the story of the chef who wrecked us,” Seungkwan snorted.

“Oh, don’t even get me started on you, Seungkwannie.” She chuckled. “What do you mean, debut?”

S.Coups, looking pretty proud, took it upon himself to answer that question. “Well, we’re training to be idols in a group called Seventeen. Debut is in five months.”

“Oh! That’s why you’re all so attractive.” The second Iseul said that, she clamped a hand over her mouth, rushing away to refill some waters.

It was after that, Jangmi noticed them coming in way more. They weren’t always the same guys. Coups missed a couple times, but Vernon was always there. S.Coups would still flirt with Iseul, to which she got used to as the weeks went on, and began a sort of banter response that he absolutely loved.

On free days, they came in. Sometimes it was just Vernon by himself, but only later down the line. Weeks turned into months, shy smiles and small comments turned into conversations that lasted until closing and sometimes even past. It was rare, but when that happened, she would have to snap her fingers under Vernon’s exhausted face. Come on, kid. I’ll take you home. His exasperated sigh as she grabbed the keys to close down. Noona, please. I’m not a kid. Her fingers flicking his skin lightly with a little smile. I’m sure your parents are worried sick. He raised an eyebrow. I don’t live at home. You know that. She stood on her tippy-toes to get an arm around his neck, leading him to the back door. And you’re barely an inch taller than me. You know that?

On those nights, she slept better. She didn’t feel the need to smoke, either. But as stated above, that was rare, because the morning always came. And with it, a new sense of fear and shame.

And hopelessness.