#I mean I understand it's incredibly hard to bring the box up to the 5th (technically 6th because apparently E is your 1st) floor | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kegofglory · 6 years ago

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Sea Meets Earth (1/1)

Fandom: Once Upon A Time

Pairing: Killian Jones/Emma Swan

Summary: Modern Neighbors Au.

She presses her lips together into a hard line, trying to figure out why she’s intrigued by this man, her new neighbor. There’s the obvious--he’s incredibly attractive, even at six in the morning in sweatpants and an old t-shirt. There’s the fact that she knows he’s an incredible support to her brother and sister-in-law. But mostly, she thinks, it might be that there’s something eerily familiar in his eyes. She can’t really explain it, but she feels a weird sense of understanding when they look at each other.

AO3

---///---

Killian’s knowledge of Emma Swan is incredibly limited. In fact, he knows four things about her.

1. She’s David’s younger sister. 2. She’s a pastry chef. 3. She lives in Boston--or at least, she did live in Boston. 4. She has an eleven-year-old son, Henry.

That’s it. After six years of friendship with David Nolan, and four years of being partners, those are the only facts that he’s collected about her.

He also knows that David loves her deeply and fully, and that he’s crazy protective of her.

That’s what gets him to even mention the soon to be vacant apartment above him in his nice duplex in New York City. Finding real estate in the city is no joke, and he’s only lucky enough to be close friends with his landlord, Nemo.

“So, my upstairs neighbor is moving out in two weeks if you’re still worried about your sister finding a place in the city,” Killian says from his side of the patrol car.

David raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

“I’m not lying, mate,” Killian says.

His partner rolls his eyes. “Has Nemo rented it out yet?”

“No, I mentioned it to him and he said to give you his number to pass along to Emma. It’s a two bedroom one bath, and he’s cheap in terms of New York prices.”

David nods, “Thanks man. I’ll let her know.”

“So, what brings your mysterious sister to the city?” he asks.

Beside him, David’s entire body goes tense. Killian remains silent, allowing his friend some time to respond, if he even wants to. “She just needs to be closer to us, ya know?”

Killian nods. David has always reminded him a lot of Liam. Sometimes, it’s hard, but sometimes, it’s comforting to have someone like Liam in his life. When he’s feeling particularly sentimental, he thinks that Liam sent David his way on purpose.

“Sure. Well, I’ll text his number to you and she can check it out, I guess.”

---///--- “And we have to go to the library, the one on 5th! Mom, it is so cool, and you can probably find all the fairytale books you like there.”

Emma stares down at her son, who is rambling despite the fact that he’s struggling to get a few boxes out of the U-haul.

“Sure, kid. What do you say we at least get these boxes inside first, though?” she says, unable to fight the affectionate laughter bubbling up in her chest.

“Uncle David said we have to go to the Hall of Science. It sounds sooo cool,” he’s still going on, and Emma rolls her eyes.

“Kid, relax. We’re going to have time to do all the things, okay?” she says. “Listen, David and Mary Margaret are on their way here, and they’re going to help us with some of Uncle David’s coworkers so we can get this done fast.”

Henry grunts. “I just want us to do it all before we go again.”

Emma stops in her tracks, turning to stare at her son. He looks up at her guiltily.

“Hey, Henry. Put that box down, come here,” she mumbles, grabbing his hand and leading him to their new front porch steps. Thankfully, according to her brother, their new downstairs neighbor is apparently out of town, so she doesn’t have to worry about bothering him as they noisily move everything into the upstairs unit.

“I didn’t mean it,” Henry mutters, sitting down beside her.

“It’s okay if you did. I know I’ve moved us around a bit too much in the past,” Emma says, rubbing her lips together as her son nods sadly. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Mom, it’s fine. This is only our third move,” he says, sounding way too adult, as always. “I know it’s because you needed to do it.”

Emma squeezes her eyes shut, shaking her head. “We’re here to stay. We’re not going anywhere for awhile, so I hope you like it here.”

He smiles. “I’m going to love it if you do, mom,” he says.

That’s really all it takes for tears to prick at the corners of her eyes. She sighs, leaning over and kissing the top of his head. “I love you, kid.”

He smiles, and like clockwork, David pulls into her drive with his wife and two large men from work.

She approaches his truck, watching the strangers pile out. “Hi guys. I’m Emma and I’m also eternally grateful you’re all here to help. I’ve supplied all the pizza and all the beer upstairs in the fridge.”

The tall man laughs, stretching his hand out to her. “It’s no worries. I’m Robin, and this is Jefferson,” he says.

She shakes both of their hands, smiling kindly as they head toward the u-haul.

David is about to wrap his sister into a hug but is interrupted when Mary Margaret practically pushes him into the bushes, running to wrap Emma into a tight hug.

“It’s so good to finally have you here,” her sister-in-law cries into her ear.

There’s something that is so consistently warm and welcoming about Mary Margaret that makes Emma feel at home for the first time since arriving to this bustling city.

David groans, “Let’s get unpacking, girls. The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can take Emma and Henry to Granny’s.”

At this, Henry perks up visibly, well aware of the diner that they go to every time Henry and Emma visit. “Do they still have those onion rings?”

“Of course they do,” David says, chuckling as he leads the way to the truck.

And Emma finds that, throughout the day, her stomach begins to hurt less and less. Maybe she is home, at least for awhile.

---///---

Killian has lived in the same duplex for eight years, and he’s never had much of a relationship with the tenants that have lived above him. There are instances where he sees them, of course. He has a beautiful front porch, where both of their entry doors are located, and the tenants upstairs get a lovely balcony right above his porch.

He figures it will probably be the same with Emma and her boy.

The first night he gets back from his trip, it’s late and he can see the light upstairs shining through the window, along with a yellow bug sitting on the street in front of the house. Killian laughs when he sees the car and shrugs, entering his apartment and heading straight to bed.

Any Sunday morning that Killian is lucky enough to have off, he sticks to the same routine. He wakes up as early as he can and enjoys the sunrise sitting on his porch swing with a cup of coffee. He’s done it for as long as he can remember. Even as a child, Liam would wake him up and take him outside, where they’d sit in the grass and watch in silence.

After his trip to go visit Elsa this past week, he finds his mind wandering to a dark, sad place a little more often than usual. Elsa was Liam’s best friend, his soulmate, and he tries to make an effort to go see her at least once a month.

His heart hurts, though, when he leaves. She always wants to revel in the memories of Liam. His kindness, his loyalty, his morals. It’s nice, because she’s the only person on this planet that loved Liam as much as he did. At the same time, it forces a lot of thoughts to the front and center of his brain,

Like how his brother practically raised him while his alcoholic father did absolutely nothing, or how it was always their dream to one day go back home to London and visit all the places their mother wrote about in her old journals.

Or how he knows that Liam would want more for Killian than what he settles for now.

An unfamiliar voice pulls him from this dangerous road, though. “Mom! Mary Margaret called me and asked why you’re ignoring her texts,” a young voice calls. Killian looks up. They must be on the balcony. If he stood up and walked forward a few feet, he’d be able to see. But, that would be creepy, so he stays seated.

A feminine laugh sounds, and he raises an eyebrow out of instinct.

“I didn’t consider that moving to New York meant I’d be even closer to the two most controlling people I’ve ever met,” she says. Her son laughs in response.

“Should I tell her what we’re doing today?” he asks.

“No, kid. It’s our day. Just tell her we’re busy,” she says, and she sounds a little guilty.

“Good, because we can just meet them later anyways. We should go explore on our own. But mom--”

“Henry,” she cuts him off, chuckling. “If you tell me the hall of science opens at ten one more time, I’m going to go back to sleep until noon just to spite you.”

Killian can’t help the small smile that fights its way onto his face. The domestic familiarity between the two makes his heart swell.

“It’s nine, mom! What if there’s traffic? What if there’s a line to get in?”

He hears footsteps above him. “Okay, okay. I’m jumping in the shower. We will leave in twenty minutes. Can you go, like, complain about being up early on a Sunday or something like a normal kid?”

“Normal? But you’re the one that raised me this way,” Henry jokes and then their voices grow quieter. And Killian wonders for the first time what Emma Swan’s story is.

David keeps his stories about her close to his chest. He can see the love and pride in his eyes every time he brings his sister up, but he never shares many details. And Killian never pushes, because that’s how their friendship has always worked. David has returned the favor tenfold, allowing him to talk about his childhood only as much as he felt comfortable.

It’s a half hour later when Killian almost done with his coffee and the front door swings open to reveal a young boy with brown hair and a blue backpack on his shoulders. “Mom!” he calls up the stairs before turning and noticing Killian.

“Oh, hello! Sorry for shouting,” he says and Killian laughs.

“It’s quite alright, lad,” he says, standing up and approaching the young boy. “I’m Killian Jones. I’m guessing you’re Henry?”

Henry grins. “You’re Uncle David’s partner?” he asks, reaching forward to shake his hand. The manners in the young boy remind him of David. Or Liam.

“Yes, that I am,” he replies, shaking the young boy’s hand. “How are you liking the city?”

Henry shrugs. “It’s pretty cool, but we haven’t had a chance to do anything other any unpack and organize. Mom and I are sneaking out into the city today.”

“Sneaking out?” he asks.

Henry nods, fiddling with the straps of his backpack. “Uncle David and Aunt Snow said that on our first free day they want to take us on a tour,” he says.

“First of all,” he ticks off one finger. “Aunt Snow?”

Henry chuckles, and his nose scrunches up. “My mom always calls her Snow White… you know… because she’s kind of like a nice princess,” he explains.

Killian barks a laugh at this. “Very fitting. And two, do you guys not want to go on a tour?”

Henry looks around nervously, like he’s sharing a top secret. “My mom and I like to do things on our own, sometimes. Every time we move somewhere or go on a vacation, we take the first day just us to explore whatever we want. No itinerary. We don’t want to hurt Aunt Snow or Uncle David’s feelings so we’re keeping it a secret.”

Henry’s face is bright as he explains this tradition to Killian, and it brings a genuine smile to his face. It’s obvious that Emma is this boy’s hero.

“Sounds like a good tradition to uphold,” Killian says.

Before Henry can respond, though, the door swings open again to reveal a blonde, her fingers wrapped tightly around a black thermos full of what he only assumes is coffee.

She looks at her son, then her green eyes land on Killian, and he has to physically take a step back at the intensity in her gaze.

She smiles tightly, turning to Henry and handing him the thermos, her hair falling around her in waves. “You have extra cinnamon in your backpack, right?”

He nods. “Of course.”

She turns back to Killian, and her smile is a little more open now, though her eyes are still electric and curious.

“Mom, this is Killian, Uncle David’s partner,” he says, clearly unaware of the effect that his mother is having on his ability to speak or even breathe.

“I’m Emma Swan. I’ve heard tons about you,” she says, extending her hand forward.

He clears his throat. “That can’t be good,” he jokes.

She laughs, and it’s beautiful. He wants to hear it again.

“Please, it’s David. He has a hard time finding a bad thing to say about anyone. I’ve only heard good things.”

He smiles, trying to think of anything to say. For some reason, he knows the charm and bravado he normally relies on won’t work with her.

Before he can even formulate a response, she turns and locks her front door. “Well, we’re off. See ya around,” she says.

Henry grins. “Bye Killian!”

“Bye, lad. See you around, Swan,” he says, the words falling off his lips before he can think about it. She whips her head around to look at him, wonder in her eyes, before she nods and leads her son to her little yellow car.

It’s not until they speed off that Killian can even out his breathing again. He swallows hard, shaking his head. Fuck. He doesn’t need this kind of distraction right now.

---///---

A week goes by without Emma seeing Killian, and she thinks that’s probably for the best. She had to make a conscious effort not to think about him on her entire day with Henry last weekend. Something about his eyes, his smile, his… something, got under her skin. In a wonderful, terrifying way.

It’s the following Sunday that she sees him again. She opens her door to leave at 5:45 in the morning when he makes his presence known.

“Good morning, Swan,” he says, and she jumps, letting out an embarrassing yelp. She turns to see him sitting on his porch swing.

“Fuck,” she mutters, placing her hand over her racing heart. “You scared me.”

“My apologies,” he says, though he’s wearing an amused smile. “I’m just surprised you’re up so early.”

She laughs, leaning against the wood pillar and she takes a sip from her coffee cup. “I work in a bakery, Jones, so this is a normal hour for me.”

His eyes brighten when she sarcastically calls him by his last name. He stands, and she watches the swing move back and forth as he steps into her space. She doesn’t step back though, just looks up at him knowingly.

“Oh yes, you’re a pastry chef. Tell me, what’s your specialty?” he asks, raising a suggestive eyebrow. She can feel his breath on her face.

She smirks. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” she asks, surprising herself when she holds his gaze.

“Perhaps I would,” he returns, and her whole body warms at the way he looks at her.

“If you hear a child screaming violently, it’s most likely my son playing video games, just so you know,” she says, changing the subject to something safe.

He laughs at this. “Good to know.”

“Don’t worry, though. David and Snow are coming to get him at nine for breakfast,” she says.

He shakes his head. “I’m not worried.” He dips his head slightly, his eyes never leaving hers, and she has to force herself to breathe normally.

She clears her throat. “I’d better go. Have a good day,” she says.

“I’d say it’s off to a pretty great start, love,” he says.

She rolls her eyes, turning around before he can see the smile on her face.

---///---

Killian is pacing a hole into his floor at nine when there’s a knock at his door. He sighs, swinging the door open to reveal David, Mary Margaret and Henry all smiling brightly at him.

Jesus Christ.

“Hello,” he drawls out awkwardly.

Mary Margaret giggles. “We’re going to go get breakfast. Would you like to join?”

Killian raises an eyebrow. His only plan for the day was to sit in his apartment and wonder why he has no control over his actions when Emma’s around. This seems like a better alternative.

“Sure,” he says, slipping some shoes on. “Where to?”

“Grannys, of course!” Henry practically cheers. “And we’re going to surprise my mom and bring her some hot chocolate.”

Killian stops in his tracks, suddenly unsure if he should join. David looks at Killian suspiciously and he can even feel Mary Margaret’s curious eyes on him.

“Alright, let’s go,” he says breezily before anyone can question him

Henry grins. “Awesome! Have you been to Granny’s, Killian?”

The entire walk to Granny’s is filled with mindless chatter, mostly on Henry’s part, and he can’t help but notice the looks that Mary Margaret and David keep exchanging.

“I hate when you guys do that,” Killian says suddenly, staring at his best friend.

David feigns confusion. “Do what?”

“Have conversations with each other without speaking,” he mumbles.

Henry laughs loudly at this. “You guys do actually do that. It’s really weird,” he agrees.

Killian looks at the married couple, pointing at Henry as if that’s proof enough.

“Whatever, Henry. Don’t act like you and your mother don’t have a second language of your own. Half the time, I need a translator just to keep up,” David replies, laughing.

“At least we actually talk, though,” Henry counters. “You guys don’t even say words… just stare at each other.”

Mary Margaret scoffs, glaring at Killian. “Do you see what you’ve started!?”

He laughs fully, shaking his head as he enters Granny’s.

The lunch carries on like that. The conversation is easy and Henry’s kindness and intelligence continues to shock him.

Henry happily leaves with the to go hot chocolate in his hands. “Come on, Killian. My mom’s work is only a block away,” Henry calls, running to catch up to Mary Margaret and David, who are holding hands and giggling together a few feet ahead of them.

Killian starts to get nervous, though. He already feels like a fool when he sees Emma at their house. He knows the moment David sees Killian look at Emma, he’ll know what’s going on.

Henry swings the door open, and Killian looks up at the sign. Blackbird Baking Co.

The bell on the door chimes, and Emma looks up, her face brightening obviously when she sees her family. She grins, wiping her hands on her red apron.

“Hi guys. Couldn’t handle one morning without me?” she asks before her eyes land on Killian. Her mouth opens slightly, surprise crossing her face for a millisecond before she schools her features.

“We brought you hot chocolate with cinnamon,” Henry says proudly, and Emma’s face changes suddenly.

It takes Killian by surprise, the way every single part of her softens when she engages with her son. She smiles, taking the cup from him and shooting him a wink.

“Best kid in the world,” she says.

“Hey, I paid for it,” David calls out defensively, and Emma rolls her eyes.

“Best brother in the world,” she deadpans. “I see you guys have dragged my neighbor out with you today,” she nods at Killian, who’s still standing a bit behind the other three.

“It’s so nice that the two people we love most in this city live in the same house. Makes life so much easier,” Mary Margaret says.

Emma laughs, walking around the counter and wrapping an arm around Henry.

“So, I was thinking…” Mary Margaret starts nervously, and Emma smirks.

“Yes?” she asks knowingly.

“I was thinking we could have a housewarming party? We’ll plan it on a night that Killian’s off, so we don’t have to worry about disturbing him with the noise, and so that he can be there, of course! And we can invite all of our friends so you can get to know them.”

Emma rolls her eyes. “I should be surprised it took you this long to suggest such a thing.”

David chuckles, pressing a kiss to the top of Mary Margaret’s head affectionately. “I had to really compromise with her on this. She wanted to do it the night you arrived.”

Even Killian laughs at this, and Emma’s eyes dart to him. He smiles kindly, trying to keep his eyes from lingering on her for too long.

“I don’t think I stand much a chance stopping you so okay, Snow. Just… try to keep it lowkey,” she says, dragging her eyes back to Mary Margaret.

“I can be lowkey,” Mary Margaret counters, looking at her husband, who is smirking.

“Sure, honey,” he agrees sarcastically and Henry laughs loudly.

“Well, I think it sounds nice. Mom, you need some friends in your life.”

Emma’s jaw drops, turning to glare playfully at her son. “I have friends!”

She rolls her eyes when Killian, David, and Mary Margaret all begin laughing at the exchange.

“These two don’t count, they’re family,” he says, jabbing his thumb toward his aunt and uncle. “And I don’t count either.”

Emma presses her lips together and motions toward Killian. “He’s my friend.”

“Really?” Henry asks, crossing his arms over his chest. “Doubtful. I’m pretty sure I’ve spent more time with him than you have, mom.”

Killian can’t help but raise his eyebrows at Emma when she glances over at him. “The lad’s got a point, Swan. When are you going to come downstairs and hang out with me. I can play video games, too,” he says, and although his voice is teasing, David’s head whips toward Killian immediately.

“You’ve never invited me, Jones. Next time Henry and I have a Super Mario showdown, though, we’ll yell for you.”

He grins widely at her. “I’d be honored to join.”

Mary Margaret giggles lightly, and he doesn’t miss the knowing look she shoots Emma. Or the way Emma shoots a glare back.

Okay, so maybe the silent conversation thing is more of a Mary Margaret thing.

“We’ll let you get back to work, Em,” David says finally. “We’ll see you later though.”

“Thanks for feeding my child, guys,” she says.

“I can fend for myself, you know,” Henry cuts in. “I’m eleven.”

Emma just rolls her eyes, her free hand landing on her son’s shoulder. “You’re practically an adult. See you this afternoon, kid.”

“Are you going to bring home any extra pastries?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows as he looks at the brownies in the display case behind her.

She rolls her eyes. “Goodbye, guys,” she calls and they all turn to leave.

And try as he might, Killian still turns around to get another look at her, and to his surprise, she’s watching him as well.

“See ya later, friend,” he says, and her eyes widen, shaking her head.

“Goodbye, Jones.”

---///---

“So, how is it living under my sister and nephew?” David asks the next day when they are finishing up paperwork at the end of their shift.

Killian shrugs. “Fine. I don’t see much of them, really,” he says quickly, refusing to meet his best friend’s eyes.

“Yeah, that makes sense. You know, you and Emma are eerily similar. I never really thought about it before.”

“Oh, are we?” Killian asks. “I don’t see how that’s possible.”

David laughs, and Killian realizes he has said too much. “And why is that?”

Killian rolls his eyes. He’s not in the mood to be psychoanalyzed by his best friend. “I just don’t see it, is all.”

David hums. “Okay. Sure. Just, be careful,” he says.

Killian raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t push. He wants this conversation to end yesterday.

David leans back in his chair, the squeaking cutting through the tension. “Killian,” he says quietly.

Finally, Killian looks up. When he meets his friend’s eyes, though, he’s surprised to see genuine sincerity etched into his features. “What is it, mate?” Killian asks, swallowing the lump in his throat.

There’s so much love in David’s heart, and he’s always wondered what David even saw in him. When Killian met David, he was in the worst place of his life. It was right after his brother had died. Killian and David met at the precinct on Killian’s first day, which was a month after Liam’s death. He was a right prick at the time, spending every day off hiding in his bedroom and drinking himself to sleep.

David didn’t even know what was going on, but he just seemed to sense that Killian needed someone. So he continuously invited him over for dinner with his wife. Killian declined every time, honestly getting annoyed that the man would not let up.

Then, one day, after a particularly rough shift, David walked up to him and told him they were going to the bar. Seeing as that was much more Killian’s speed, he agreed. David was terrible at holding his liquor, and Killian got plastered as well. Mary Margaret came to pick them up at closing time, and she basically tucked him into bed in their guest room.

The next morning, nursing a hangover, David stood in front of him and said something that Killian will never forget. He said, “I know there’s a lot of good in you. Sometimes, the darkness seems insurmountable, but it’s not. You are better than this, and I’m going to keep harassing you and trying to help you no matter how mad it makes you, Killian.”

Then Mary Margaret made him breakfast and coffee and when he left she hugged him so tightly. He didn’t even know a hug could carry so much emotion.

The rest was history. They basically took him in as their adopted child and he wouldn’t change a thing about it.

When it came to Emma, David always seemed to get that same look in his eyes that he had when he lectured Killian that morning.

David sighs, pulling Killian from his thoughts. “She can use a friend like you,” he says, his words measured.

Killian nods gravely, and David nods before he looks away and changes the subject to a case they’re working on.

---///---

Emma’s leaning against the ledge of her balcony when she spots Killian walking up the sidewalk. She ignores the ridiculous way her stomach lurches, and before she can control it, she’s calling his name. He looks up and smiles so brightly it almost blinds her, even with the distance and the darkness surrounding him.

“How are you still up, Swan? Don’t you work at the crack of dawn?” he calls, stopping in the grass and crossing his arms over his chest.

“I have a hard time sleeping,” she admits. “Are you just getting off work?” she asks.

He nods. “Yeah. David and I had to work the once a month 10am to 10pm today.”

“Yuck,” she says. “I’m sure you’re exhausted.”

For some reason, Emma doesn’t want to let this conversation to die. She feels so much safer with the distance between them, like she can let her guard down and just chat as herself.

He seems to sense this, smiling softly at her. “I also have a hard time sleeping, so it’ll be awhile before I finally fall asleep.”

She nods, looking up at the moon for a minute when she can’t find anything to say.

“So, love, what’s on your mind this evening?” he asks, and she sighs.

“Just thinking about Henry,” she replies honestly. He raises an eyebrow at her in surprise, waiting for her to elaborate. “He’s just so grown up… sometimes, it makes me sad.”

“How so?” he questions, his voice free of any judgement.

Emma leans forward more, trying to get a better look at his face. He’s so beautiful. She’s never described and grown man as beautiful, but looking at him, it’s all she can think.

“I hope he didn’t feel the need to grow up too fast, you know? He deserves a chance to just be a kid,” she explains.

He nods slowly. “I don’t know the lad that well, but if you want my opinion, I’d say that Henry is just a smart, mature kid. I don’t think it’s due to some emotional trauma. He seems like he gets a lot of his qualities from you.”

She scoffs. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

He shakes his head, eyebrows pulling together in confusion. “Trust me, love. It’s not a bad thing.”

She smiles despite herself. “Thanks,,” she says so softly that she’d assume he couldn’t hear her if it weren’t for the next words out of his mouth.

“No worries. Would you like to come down and sit on the porch or should we continue this Romeo & Juliet scenario here?” he asks, and even she can hear the nerves in his voice.

And she wants to say sure.

Yes.

That’s what normal people do.

He watches her carefully as she thinks to herself. “I should probably try to get some sleep, but raincheck,” she says.

And all she can think is she’s such a chicken. He nods, looking a little disappointed.

“Sweet dreams, Swan,” he calls before walking toward the house and out of her view.

“Fuck,” she mutters to herself before heading inside and she definitely does not have sweet dreams about the man living below her.

---///---

It takes Mary Margaret only three days to plan and organize Emma’s housewarming party. She sends David and Killian out to pick up ice, because according to Mary Margaret, there’s no such thing as too much ice. They dropped Henry off at a new friends house on the way, which is giving Emma enough anxiety to last her the rest of the night.

In the meantime, Emma helps her sister-in-law set up. And by help, she means does exactly as instructed.

“So,” Mary Margaret starts, trailing off.

Emma knows that voice well. She has heard it about a hundred times in her life. Mary Margaret came into their lives when Emma was sixteen, and they’ve always been able to read each other.

“What is it, Snow?” she asks.

“I was just thinking,” she starts, keeping her focus on the cheese tray she’s assembling, “You know, Killian is a really good guy.”

“Oh shit,” Emma says immediately. “This was bound to happen, I guess.”

Mary Margaret snorts. “I’m just saying. He’s cute, and he’s nice, and Henry seems to like him.”

“So, should we get married tomorrow then?” Emma asks sarcastically, pulling a beer out of the fridge even though they still have two hours before the party begins.

“In my ideal world, sure,” Mary Margaret teases. “Seriously, Em, I’m just saying. We love Killian and I happen to think you are at least a little intrigued.”

“I don’t know what gives you that idea,” Emma mutters, taking a long swig from her beer as she avoids eye contact with her sister-in-law.

“I saw the weird way you looked at him when we came to the bakery the other day. It was… different. I’ve never seen your eyes look like that before.”

Emma clears her throat, shaking her head. Thankfully, the boys choose the perfect moment to return home. “Thank God,” Emma mumbles, much to Mary Margaret’s chagrin.

“Okay,” David says as soon she he opens her door. “So when Killian and I were trying to do a shot of rum earlier we were sent out of the house to keep out of trouble, but Emma can start drinking beer at six?” he asks.

Killian laughs, walking into the house and smiling. “It’s nice up here, Swan,” he says, eyeing the picture frames on her mantle. She feels exposed, the way he stares at her family photos with obvious interest.

“Thanks,” she says breezily. “And it’s my party, so I say we all start drinking now,” she says.

David grins, setting the ice into the kooler before placing a quick kiss on Emma’s cheek. “What a good host you are,” he says.

Mary Margaret groans. “Actually, Emma. You’ve never had the displeasure of seeing these two when they drink together. It’s in everyone best interest that they hold off.”

Emma barks out a laugh at that. “Okay, that’s something I want to see. Last time I drank with David was, like, four years ago,” she says before bursting into a fit of giggles. “Remember, David! You fell asleep on my porch and my neighbor called the cops because they thought you were homeless.”

Killian’s eyebrows immediately shoot skyward, and even Mary Margaret giggles.

“It was your birthday and we were supposed to take you out on the town,” Mary Margaret reminisces.

“We didn’t even make it out of my apartment thanks to David,” she says between her laughter. She glances over at Killian to see him watching her with a new look in his eyes.

What is that? Curiosity? Surprise? She can’t quite tell.

“He is quite the lightweight,” Killian adds, and Emma beams at him.

“I can’t have this conversation with either of you,” David groans. “You both have super human tolerance.”

“Is that so, Swan?”

Emma raises her beer toward him. “It is so,” she replies, smiling mischievously at him.

He chuckles. “Seems like you’re challenging me,” he mumbles.

She shrugs innocently, walking into the kitchen and retrieving a beer from the fridge. “Cheap beer work?” she asks.

He smirks. “It’s not rum, but it’ll do,” he replies.

Mary Margaret snorts. “Knowing Emma, there’s a flask of rum somewhere around this house.”

David chuckles lightly as Emma rolls her eyes. “Maybe,” she mutters, handing Killian the beer. He leans it toward her and grins.

“Cheers, love.” He stares at her is a way that is so disarming that she has to break eye contact, tapping the bottleneck to his before taking a long swig. She walks away immediately, unable to take the unnerving way that he seems to read her face more easily than anyone else in her life.

David observes them, making a weird hum under his breath that she decidedly ignores. “Okay, so I’m going to take a shower and get ready so that I can look presentable for the people that arrive,” Emma announces, leaving out the part where she just needs to put a physical wall between herself and Killian.

Mary Margaret chuckles. “Okay, Em… are you taking that beer into the shower with you?”

Emma shrugs, “I don’t see why not. I’ve got a lot of socializing ahead of me. I’ll need it.”

Killian laughs. “Besides, she’s gotta keep up with me tonight,” he cut in.

David claps a hand onto Killian’s shoulder. “It will probably be you keeping up with her, bud.”

Before Emma can hear his most likely charming response, she slips into the bathroom and turns the water on, sighing loudly when she can finally catch her breath.

Something about being around Killian and her family at the same time throws Emma for a loop. Because she loves the way he fits into her life seamlessly. And she can’t show that, because Mary Margaret and David will see right through her, and she doesn’t need the typical lectures that they tend to lovingly dole out. It’s always well intentioned, but it makes Emma feels so broken.

If anyone is aware that Emma has some serious issues, it’s her. Her family trying to psychoanalyze her just makes her feel guilty for things out of her control.

She stands under cold water first, silently counting to herself as she tries to pull herself together. Then she turns the faucet all the way to the left, the water suddenly burning her skin. She stands there until her skin turns red, and then turns the water off.

“Okay,” she whispers, staring at herself in the mirror. She quickly dries her hair and gets ready for the night ahead of her.

When she finally exits the bathroom, there’s a new beer sitting on the counter right outside the door. She looks around but Killian, David, and Mary Margaret are nowhere to be found. She allows herself to laugh quietly, bringing the beer to her lips before heading to her room to change.

Emma gets thrown around between David and Mary Margaret like a ping pong ball, both of them tugging her in different directions of her own home to meet their friends.

She smiles and does her best to make small talk, even though it’s never been her strong suit. This isn’t exactly her idea of a fun night, but it makes two of the most important people in her life very happy, so she sucks it up. After everything they’ve done for her in this life, she figures she owes them.

The best part of her night comes from Killian, which is irritatingly not surprising. While she gets stuck in several conversations with strangers, he sneaks behind her and replaces her empty beers with new ones. Most people don’t even notice the sneaky exchange, but she smiles and bites back laughter every time.

The fifth time he does this, she’s engaged in an awkward conversation with a kind man that goes by Archie. She meets Killians eyes over Archie’s shoulder, and he’s smirking at her knowingly from across the room. He raises his own beer toward her before returning to his conversation with Robin.

Finally, Mary Margaret and David are distracted enough in the corner of her living room that she can breathe. She makes her way toward Killian, who is staring down at his phone.

“If I didn’t know any better, Jones, I’d think you’re trying to get me drunk,” she says, and he jumps. He beams at her, shoving his phone into his pocket.

“I’m just trying to see who can outdrink who. Killian Jones never backs down from a challenge,” he says, his blue eyes dancing.

“I have an idea,” she says suddenly. He does that outrageous thing with his eyebrows that makes her stomach clench, but she does her best to power through. “Follow me,” she says.

He nods, “As you wish, love,” he says quietly, and she ignores the way his low voice makes her skin feel as if it’s on fire.

She looks around to make sure no one is looking, and when she’s satisfied, she opens her bedroom door and pulls him in with her.

He raises an eyebrow. “Okay, Swan, I have to say, I definitely think I’m holding my alcohol better than you if you’re already drunk enough to drag me into your bedroom.”

She laughs, rolling her eyes. “Shut up,” she muters. “I’m looking for something.”

“Is it your inhibitions?”

She doesn’t justify his question with an answer, reaching into her sock drawer, digging around the back until her hand meets something metal.

“A-ha!” she shouts, producing her flask from the drawer and waving it in his face. “I do have rum in here,” she says.

“I’m impressed,” he says, eyeing her carefully as she twists the cap on and takes a long pull. She squeezes her eyes shut as the rum burns her throat on the way down. She hands it to him and he takes an appreciative shot.

She smiles. “Hold onto that, would you. My pockets aren’t big enough,” she says, heading back to her door.

“We’re leaving already? I think we can find something to do in here, don’t you?” he questions, and his voice is teasing, but his eyes are dark.

“Come on,” she groans, putting her hands on his shoulders and half pushing him back out of her room. She pretends that the simple act of placing her hands on his body doesn’t send a chill down her spine. And she’s pretty sure he pretends not to notice.

As if her spidey senses are tingling, Mary Margaret sees them as soon as they exit her bedroom. Emma rolls her eyes at the look that crosses her sister-in-law’s face, shaking her head. Killian chuckles beside her and Emma sighs.

“Em!” David calls out, timing perfect as ever. “Come here, I want you to meet my sergeant.”

Emma bites back her groan, leaving Killian’s side to meet yet another face who’s name she will most likely forget by the end of the evening.

The night flies by like that, and she hardly gets another chance to talk to Killian. When she finally sees him again, the party is winding down and Emma is only slightly buzzed, the constant socialization very sobering.

She walks over to Killian, who is sitting on her couch talking to Robin again. “Hey guys,” she says, falling onto the couch beside him. She notices him tense slightly when her arm brushes against his, so she scoots away a bit.

“How are you liking it here, Emma?” Robin asks kindly, and Emma smiles politely. She’s only had to answer this question a dozen times this evening. But she’s aware they all mean well.

“I like it a lot. My neighbor is a little strange but that’s to be expected in a big city I suppose,” she says, and Killian scoffs from beside her.

Robin chuckles, “I work with the guy… you don’t have to tell me how strange he is.”

“Alright,” Kilian cuts in. “Enough of this.”

Emma giggles, and for the first time all night, she feels comfortable. She doesn’t think about how she feels most comfortable sitting beside Killian. Robin says his goodbyes and leaves.

She closes her eyes, resting her head back against the couch cushion.

“Thanks for making tonight bearable, Killian,” she says quietly. She hears him move, feels his arm against hers, and she opens her eyes, turning to find that he’s looking at her with soft eyes. “What?” she asks.

He shakes his head. “That’s the first time you’ve called me by my name,” he says.

Before she can respond, Mary Margaret is back and she’s talking a mile a minute. Killian clears his throat, scooting away ever so slightly. His absence leaves her feeling cold.

The party comes to an end, and Killian leaves after a quick goodbye. She glances back at him when he leaves, sighing when the door shuts and she’s left alone with David and Mary Margaret.

Mary Margaret seems to read her face, but glances at David and doesn’t say anything.

They clean everything up, and David and Mary Margaret end up falling asleep on couch. She smiles to herself when she looks at the couple, cuddled together. Then she locks the door, turns off the lights, and puts herself to sleep.

---///---

She can hear Henry rambling on and on from the top of the steps as she locks their door. She assumes he’s talking to Killian on his porch, and her heart pounds in anticipation.

She takes the steps down slowly, biting back her smile as she reaches the porch. She stops short when she sees a beautiful redhead speaking to her son.

“Oh, hi,” Emma says, and she doesn’t mean to sound short, but she can hear how clipped her tone is.

Her arms are full of brown bags filled with groceries. “Hi, hi,” she says, struggling to keep everything in her arms. “I’m just trying to help Killy. Sometimes I surprise him by leaving actual real groceries in his home. I know he gets busy, you know, but having real nutritious food in your kitchen makes life so much easier. Especially when he’s too good of a cook to not have groceries stocked up here. He says I’m overbearing but I think deep down he appreciates it.”

Henry laughs, taking a couple bags from her hands. Emma watches as the woman digs into her pocket and pulls out her keys, fishing out of the one for Killian’s front door quickly.

“Thanks so much,” she says to Henry once she swings the door open. “You’re a real gentlemen.”

Her son smiles, beaming at Emma as he follows her inside and sets the bags down for her. Emma stays on the porch, the idea of stepping into Killian’s apartment without him present making her feel strange.

Henry and the stranger walk back out to the porch and Henry readjusts his backpack. The girl smiles. “I’m Anna. You must be Killian’s new upstairs neighbor,” she says.

“Emma,” she says tightly. “This is Henry. I’m sorry, but we have to get to my brother’s. We are going to be late.”

“Oh, David? Ugh I love David. And Mary Margaret. Talk about a match made in heaven, right?”

Emma raises an eyebrow, nodding slowly. “Yep, a real fairytale,” she says. “Nice meeting you,” she says before practically dragging a smiling Henry to her yellow bug.

“Why were you so rude to that girl?” Henry asks, but his tone is smug and knowing. Emma shoots him a look as she starts her car.

“I wasn’t rude, kid. We really are running late.”

“We’re always running late. What’s the big deal with today?” he asks. He’s staring out the window, trying to sound more casual than he actually is.

Emma laughs despite herself, swallowing down the irrational anger and jealousy as she pulls into traffic. “I just don’t want to hear it from them today, is all.”

“Sure,” Henry says breezily, not quite able to cover up the laugh in his voice.

---///---

Killian should not be surprised by the way his sisters-in-law both feel the need to insert themselves into his life, playing mother when he has never asked. He laughs when he walks into his apartment to find it stocked with groceries. He knows Elsa is out of town for work, so he falls down onto his couch before he calls Anna.

“Oh, hello Killy!” she greets happily.

“You know I’m capable of doing my own shopping, correct?” he asks lightly.

He can hear the smile in her voice. “Yes, I am. You know that I love you and just want to help you because I know your job is stressful and keeps you very busy, correct?”

“How’s Kristoff?” he asks, because he and Anna have had this conversation so many times it has honestly gotten old at this point.

“He’s good. How’s your neighbor?” she counters, her voice mischievous.

Her question gives him pause. “What do you mean?”

“I met her today when I was bringing in your groceries. She is stunning, Killian! And her son is adorable and kind.”

He doesn’t know why he gets so tense, but he does. “They’re both very nice, yeah,” he says vaguely.

Anna snorts. “Emma wasn’t very nice, actually. But I suppose she didn’t know I was your sister-in-law and therefore got a little jealous. I should have mentioned it, but it slipped my mind. I can relate though. Back in college, I saw this girl talking to Kristoff and I literally lost my mind. It was kind of crazy, since I had only just broken up with Hans. I had no right to be jealous and yet I was. Turns out, it was his cousin. Also, it turns out, you can’t control your irrational anger.”

Killian rolls his eyes. “Trust me, Emma was not jealous. She is just a little standoff-ish at first. She’s quite nice once you get to know her, though,” he says, because there’s no way she could have been jealous.

“Hmm, that sounds familiar,” she says innocently.

“Anna,” he groans, rubbing over his face with his hand in frustration.

She giggles. “What, I was talking about Elsa,” she says, but her tone says otherwise.

“Thanks for the food, Anna. I’ll see you and Elsa next weekend,” he says, and she laughs knowingly before she hangs up.

He left his front door open, the screen door closed, letting in the beautiful breeze. It also lets in the noise of Emma and Henry as they walk up the sidewalk.

“Mom,” he whines, and Killian feels affection well up in his chest.

“Henry,” she whines back mockingly. Her son giggles. “Listen, kid,” she says. “You’re right. I’m a big jerk. We’re going to move on and I’ll be better in the future.”

Killian raises an eyebrow, standing up to head out to his porch.

He swings the door open, and Emma’s eyes widen for a split second before she schools her features to her normal guarded look.

“Hey,” she says easily, although there is tension in her tone.

Henry clears his throat. “See ya later, Killian!” he says before heading upstairs to their apartment. Emma glares after her son’s retreating figure before returning her attention to him.

“How are you today Swan?” he asks.

She leans against the front of his porch, looking him over quickly. “I’m okay. How are you?”

“Good,” he says. He eyes her carefully, considers her tight smile and distant eyes. “I heard you met Anna earlier.”

“Yep,” she says shortly. “She’s great.”

Killian bites back his smile as he watches her cold eyes avoid his. Oh. Oh. She is jealous, at least a little bit. He wants to let this go on, but decides to let her off the hook. “Yeah. She’s intense but she’s my sister-in-law so what can you do?”

He knows he’s not imagining the way her shoulder slump with relief.

“Sister-in-law?” she asks casually.

He nods, full on smirking now. “I’ve got two of them, actually. They’re incredibly overbearing but I love them anyways,” he says.

She crosses her arms over her chest, smiling slightly. “Oh.”

“Is it possible that you were feeling a bit jealous?”

He’s grinning playfully at her, and she rolls her eyes, sending him a glare. “I have nothing to be jealous of.”

He nods. “I don’t know, love. You seem quite green with envy to me.”

“You wish,” she mumbles, adjusting her messenger bag on her shoulder and glancing at her front door, likely plotting her escape.

“Sorry to upset you, Emma, but you’re something of an open book.”

She finally does look at him, really looks at him, and her eyes are exploring his, searching for something. Whatever she’s looking for, she must find it, because she softens slightly.

“I wasn’t jealous,” she says, but it’s teasing now. “See you later.”

She opens her front door and that smile she sends him gives him the courage to reach for her upper arm. She stops, turning to look at him.

“Are you and Henry doing anything for dinner tonight?”

She raises an eyebrow. “Nothing more than mac and cheese on the couch, why?”

He shrugs. “I’ve got all these groceries. Why don’t you guys come down for dinner? We can enjoy it on the porch. It’s going to start cooling down soon.”

She smiles slightly. “You don’t have to cook us dinner.”

He shakes his head. “I know, but I’d like to.”

She sighs, pursing her lips together as she thinks. “What time?”

He claps his hands together happily. “Ah! I knew I could tempt you! It will be ready by seven, my lady.”

She shoots him a look of amusement, shaking her head. “You’re so weird, Jones,” she mutters, but he only smiles wider at her. She turns away, but she glances back at him before heading upstairs, and her eyes are dancing.

---///---

Henry only asks Emma about twenty questions about her and Killian, why he’s making them dinner, he must like her, and does she like him, he’s so cool, before she gets him downstairs by seven.

“Just--kid--stop asking these questions,” she says in a hushed tone as they stand outside his front door on his porch. “He’s just being nice.”

“That’s because he likes you, mom,” Henry whines, but the door swings open to reveal a smiling Killian before she can respond.

And he’s beaming at the two of them. “Ah, Swan! Henry! Just in time!” he practically shouts, and Henry rushes right past him, exploring Killian’s apartment as if he’s searching for hidden treasure.

“Wow, cool!” Henry says, pointing at a ship in a bottle that’s sitting on Killian’s mantle. “It’s like a pirate lives here!”

Killian barks a laugh at that, and Emma shakes her head at her son.

“Yeah, we’ve got a regular Captain Hook on our hands,” Emma deadpans, taking a step further into the apartment. Blacks, greys, and whites surround her. Photos of him with friends or family are framed around his living room, along with nautical themed decor. The place screams Killian, and it makes Emma smile without even realizing it.

He creeps up behind her. “I hope you guys like pasta carbonara,” he says before brushing past her. She tries to ignore the way goosebumps rise along the back of her neck when she feels his breath on her.

“Do you want me to set the table?” she asks, watching as he whizzes around his kitchen with ease. He shakes his head at her.

“I’ve got dinner all set up on the porch, love. You and Henry go sit, I’ll be right out.”

Henry runs out to the table on his front porch, and Emma only lingers for a few seconds, watching as Killian grabs water bottles from his fridge.

Henry’s smile is as bright as the sun when she sits down beside him. “Yeah, mom, he doesn’t like you,” he says, pointing at the beautiful spread on the table. There’s pasta, salad, and bread on the table, and Emma laughs when she looks up to see Killian with three water bottles shoved under his arm, a bottle of wine and two glasses shoved under the other arm. She stands up, grabbing the wine and the glasses from him to ease his struggle.

He smirks at her, watching her closely as she carefully sets down the glasses.

“This is too much, Killian,” she says, and her voice is much softer than she had intended.

He seems to catch the change in her demeanor, head whipping toward her to study her face. She feels warm under his gaze, so she looks over at Henry, who is already piling pasta onto his plate, smiling knowingly down at the table.

The dinner is delicious, and the company is even better. Killian and Henry joke back and forth about stupid things, sometimes poking fun at David, sometimes at Emma. Killian tells them of his love for the sea, how he actually has a boat that has a home down at the docks, how he’d absolutely love to take them out on the water.

It’s overwhelming, for Emma to feel so much ease around a man that makes her feel so…

What?

Alive? Scared? Excited?

She’s not quite sure yet, but it’s too much of something, it sets her on edge.

Or at least, it should. But sitting down, watching him converse casually as he scoops more pasta onto Henry’s plate, it’s almost--easy?

Emma looks over at Henry and smiles, watching as he tries to sneakily grab another piece of bread. “Hey,” she says, and his hand meets his side quickly. Killian chuckles while Emma shakes her head. “It’s a school night. Head upstairs, kid,” she says.

He smiles, jumping up and giving Killian a hug. The action takes him surprise, if the shock on his face is anything to go off of, but his arms circle her son quickly.

“Thanks for dinner!” he says, pulling away and kissing Emma on the cheek. “Night, mom,” he says, and without another word or glance in her direction, he’s running up the stairs in the world’s most obvious attempt to leave them alone.

Killian smirks at Emma, clearly reading the room correctly.

“He’s such a little rascal,” Emma mutters and Killian shrugs.

“He’s a smart lad is all,” he says, standing up to clear the plates from the table.

“Smartass, maybe,” Emma concedes, jumping up and taking the plates from Killian’s hands. “Please, let me clean up.”

“What? No, I won’t hear of it. I invited you to dinner, love,” he says, but when he reaches for the plates again, she takes a step back, leveling him with her hard stare.

“No,” she says firmly. “I’ll clean. You can pour more wine into my glass and wait out here, got it?” her tone conveys that there is no room for argument, so he sighs, holding his hands up in defeat.

It takes her ten minutes longer than necessary to clean everything up. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t linger inside to collect her thoughts before heading back outside. She strolls through his apartment slowly on her way to the porch, taking it all in. Her eyes catch on a photo on the mantle. She stops and walks closer, her heart warming when she sees the frame photo of Killian and David standing in front of Madison Square Garden, smiling happily at the camera. She sighs, and when she gets outside, she finds Killian sitting on the porch swing, sipping slowly from his own wine glass.

He smiles when he sees her, bright and so genuine, before holding out her wine glass. “Ah, Swan, at last! Come sit,” he says, and she slowly approaches him, setting into the spot beside him on the porch swing, thankful for the arm rest between them.

She looks ahead at the street, cars bustling by, even at ten at night, and she tries not to focus on the fact that she can feel Killian staring at her profile.

“Thanks for dinner,” she says, finally turning to look at him. His eyes are too soft, too understanding. “Where’d you learn to cook like that?” she asks, if only to start a conversation and hopefully get him to stop looking at her like… that.

He smiles fondly, if not a little sadly, and looks out at the street as well.

“My brother taught me, actually,” he says, his voice distant.

“What’s his name?” Emma asks, taking in the sounds of the city.

She’s lived in small towns, the countryside, big cities, but none quite like New York City. There is always noise, always people walking around, and always lights. Somehow, though, it’s become more of a comfort to Emma. Now, she can’t imagine going to sleep without the sounds she’s become accustomed to relying on.

“His name was Liam,” Killian says after a beat. She stops, turning to look at him again. His eyes are set firmly on her yellow bug that’s parked in front of the house.

“Was?” she repeats, because she doesn’t know what else to say.

He nods. “He died, about six years ago now. He was in a car accident, hit by a drunk driver. He died instantly,” Killian says, and Emma can almost hear the horrid memory in his voice.

“Killian,” she says, drawing in a sharp breath. He doesn’t respond. She reaches out to him, placing her free hand on top of his. He looks down at the hand, then at her. He examines her face, and she keeps her eyes on his for once, trying to convey her emotions without speaking. Trying to show him that there is no pity in her eyes, just understanding and support.

He nods. “It was long ago now, the wound isn’t quite as fresh but…” he trails off, seemingly searching for the rest of his sentence, when she finishes it for him.

“It hurts just the same.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Aye.”

She squeezes his hand once before returning it to her lap.

“You can tell me about him, if you want.”

So he tells her about Liam. About how their mother passed away and how their father turned to alcohol to soothe his pain. How Liam stepped up and took care of Liam, raised him to be an upstanding man. How he was the moral compass that Killian needed in his darkest hours. How he taught Killian how to cook a great meal, but how Killian was never quite able to make lemon bars anywhere near as well Liam could.

In return, she tells him about her life in foster care. In homes where no one cared about her, where was neglected, abused, and forgotten. And about how David befriended her in high school, and when he learned of her home life, or lack thereof, he and Ruth took her in without question.

He smiles at her, and she feels the warmth trapped in her ribcage spread from her toes to her fingertips.

“I’m no stranger to loss,” she says quietly. And he doesn’t ask for more, doesn’t pry at all. Just watches her, waits for more. She takes a sip of her wine before continuing. “Henry’s father, Neal, passed away a few years ago,” she confides.

He winces. “Swan, I’m sorry. Were you guys married?” he asks.

She shakes her head, a little to vehemently, she thinks. “No, no. We fell in love when I was seventeen. We were just kids. He wasn’t much in the picture after I got pregnant. He had a gambling issue, and just a sticking around issue, it seemed. But, when Henry was six, he got his life together, and he really showed up for Henry. He did his best to make up for lost time, really, and I was really happy for him.”

Killian reaches forward this time, just letting his hand settle softly on her knee, and her entire body feels alight.

“He got lung cancer. It all happened fast. About six months from the time of his diagnosis to the time that he died. That’s all.”

“Gods, Emma,” Killian breathes.

She nods. “After he died, I think I lost it, a little. It’s just, well, I didn’t know how to cope. I lost so much in my life before David came around and brought family and love into my life. And I didn’t want Henry to hurt anymore, but I didn’t know how to make that happen. We moved a bunch, and I never felt quite settled anywhere.”

Killian’s quiet for a minute, but it’s not an uncomfortable silence. He’s processing. “And New York is another in the long line?” he asks.

She shakes her head. “No.”

He smiles slightly. “I’m glad to hear that.”

She sets her empty wine glass down on the porch, sighing.

“I’m glad you’re my neighbor,” she tells him, because she doesn’t know what else to say, and she doesn’t know how to convey how grateful she is that he just listened to her ramble with kindness in his eyes, but she has to say something.

“Emma,” he says, a little breathless, and she looks over at him. His face is different. His heart is truly on his sleeve when he reaches forward and brushes her hair behind her ear.

“What’s happening?” she asks.

He laughs. “Well, not to be presumptuous, darling, but,” he trails off, running his fingers slowly over his lips and smiling at her mischievously.

She scoffs, green eyes locked on his blue ones. The smug action should not be so charming, but, dammit, it really is. She can’t even fight the smile playing on her lips. “Please,” she breathes. “You couldn’t handle it.”

He raises an eyebrow at her, and it’s ridiculous, the things he does with those eyebrows, and how it constantly affects her.

“Perhaps you’re the one who couldn’t handle it,” he practically purrs,

That’s all it takes for her to lean forward and catch his lips with her own. It’s awkward, at first, the wooden armrest between them lodged into her side as she leans forward, trying to get closer, one hand gripping at the collar of his shirt while the other finds its way to his hair. But when he groans with pleasure into her mouth, she forgets the pain in her side.

When she pulls his away, his eyes are open, free, and she sighs, resting her forehead against his for a minute.

“That was, uh--” his voice is hoarse, and she cuts him off before he finish.

“A one time thing,” she says sternly, backing away and standing up.

A look of hurt crosses his face as he processes her abrupt mood change. She can barely look at him, feeling like the coward she knows she is.

“It’s late, I should go,” she says, her voice shaking.

“Goodnight, Emma,” he says, his voice faraway, and she doesn’t spare him another look before she heads upstairs, where it’s safe and there is a considerable amount of space between them.

---///---

She spends the next two weeks guiltily rushing away from him every time they run into each other on the porch. He shoots her these knowing looks, and it gets under her skin, the fact that he clearly understands how scared she is. It would be better if he just looked mad or annoyed. But no, of course, Killian Jones is nothing but understanding and compassionate. And he really can read her, terrifying as that is.

When Henry tells Emma he’s going to a sleepover at a friend’s house, she makes it a point to call Mary Margaret and demand a girls night in. Because heaven forbid she spends the night alone above Killian Jones.

When she gets to Mary Margaret and David’s apartment, she lets herself in and calls out into the empty space. “I’m here, I’ve got wine, let’s start drinking… like, five minutes ago!”

She looks around, sighing, but smiles when she sees the door to her balcony cracked open. She heads out to see David, Killian and Mary Margaret all talking, sitting in the little chairs on the balcony. Emma stops short, fighting back a loud groan when Killian’s kind eyes reach hers.

“Hey, Swan,” he says easily, though he’s more reserved than usual.

“Hi,” she says, her voice scratchy to her own ears.

There’s a moment of silence, and neither David nor Mary Margaret feel the need to jump in and save them. The married couple just keep looking at each other knowingly, seemingly having an entire conversation without speaking a word.

“Okay,” David says finally, and Emma lets out an audible sigh of relief, much to Killian’s chagrin. “Killian, you ready to head out?” he asks, clapping his hands together awkwardly.

“Where are you guys going?” Emma asks as Killian stands.

“Poker night at Robin’s,” Killian says, and Emma nods.

“Have fun.”

David eyes Emma, and she looks away because no one knows her better than David, and she doesn’t want him to see right through her, like he always does.

They say their goodbye and move to leave the balcony, but David stops and places a kiss on Emma forehead. “You okay, Ems?” he asks quietly against her hair.

She nods, sending him a half-hearted smile before she pushes him toward the door lightly. He sighs and leaves with his friend. Emma groans, falling into the seat that Killian had just vacated, and glares over at Mary Margaret.

“They wouldn’t stop talking. They were supposed to leave a half hour ago, I swear,” Mary Margaret says. Emma just frowns, replaying the look in Killian’s eyes over and over in her head. “I’ll go get the glasses,” Mary Margaret says, and Emma nods, leaning back into her seat and closing her eyes.

Mary Margaret comes back with two glasses, and Emma wastes no time in popping open the wine bottle and pouring a generous amount into both glasses.

“I kissed him,” she mutters into her glass.

Mary Margaret smiles at Emma, the exact opposite reaction that Emma was hoping for. Also, the exact reaction she was expecting.

“Of course you did, Em,” she says softly. “You like him.”

Emma pouts, and Mary Margaret laughs. Emma stretches her legs out, glad she chose to wear jeans and sweatshirt, as fall was finally hitting full force and the temperature had dropped considerably.

“What’s so bad about kissing him? He’s a good guy, Emma. I know you can see that.”

“I just… don’t have time. And he’s my neighbor, I mean… when it all goes to hell, it’s going to be so awkward. Plus, Henry is really attached to him already, so I don’t want to ruin that either.”

“When it all goes to hell?” Mary Margaret repeats back, and then shakes her head in a way that can only be described as motherly.

“It always does.”

“Yeah, that’s how it works. Different relationships don’t last for varying reasons, until you’re in one that does work.”

Emma levels her sister-in-law with a look. “Says the girl that married her high school sweetheart.”

Mary Margaret laughs lightly at this, taking another sip of her wine. “My situation is very rare, and just a matter of dumb luck…” she trails off, considering her words. “And also, a matter of hard work. It wasn’t easy when we were in college, trying to figure out our paths, separately and together. We worked through it.”

Emma nods, remembering her years as Mary Margaret’s roommate, listening to the struggles of the couple navigating this new phase of life.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Okay, tell me this,” she urges, taking a new approach. “What do you like about Killian?”

Emma groans, and she feels heat rush to her cheeks. “I don’t know, Snow. He’s kind. And he’s so good with Henry. He makes me laugh… but also… it’s weird. He just… sometimes, when he looks at me, it’s like we’ve known each other our whole lives.”

She can hear how cheesy her own words are, but she doesn’t know how else to explain her attraction to all things Killian Jones.

Mary Margaret beams, nodding. “Sounds pretty nice to me,” she says.

Emma pours more wine into her glass, decidedly ignoring her sister-in-law for a moment.

She continues, though. “Emma, it’s pretty obvious he’s half in love with already.”

That’s all it takes for Emma to choke on the wine she’s in the process of swallowing. Emma frowns, looking down at the spots of red on her grey sweatshirt, but Mary Margaret only chuckles in response.

“I know Killian pretty well. He’s one of the most decent men I’ve gotten to know. He also wears his heart on his sleeve, when it comes to the people he loves. His eyes scream I love Emma Swan every time you’re in his vicinity, or even when David or I bring you up around him. I know you’re frightened, Emma, but you know, being scared is a good sign. Sometimes, when something scares you, that means you need to go for it.”

She considers her words. She’s gotten enough pep talks from Snow in her lifetime that she expected this lecture. However, she didn’t expect to find it so convincing.

“You need to have a little hope, Emma. Sometimes, just believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a powerful thing. And no one deserve a happy ending more than you.”

“What if my happy ending really is just Henry and me,” Emma interjects, but the words lack the conviction she means for them to have.

“That’s fine, too. Just, don’t settle. Life is too short, and you know that to be true.”

---///---

Emma mulls over Mary Margaret’s words, but it’s still a week before she talks to Killian again. She actually has to ask David to send her Killian’s phone number, rolling her eyes when he follows up the text with no less than fifteen questions about why she needs his number.

The thing is, though, that Henry called Emma saying that he forgot his keys at home, and she knows that she won’t be home until nine due to a wedding that she’s catering. He’s on the bus home when he tells her this, and she panics, knowing it’s close to thirty degrees outside, and knowing that the kid most definitely ignored her when she told him to dress for the weather.

Mary Margaret and David are out of town for a romantic long weekend at a bed and breakfast in some sleepy down in Maine, and she doesn’t know who else to call.

“Hello?” his voice answers on the first ring.

“Hey, Killian,” she says, and she winces at the breathless sound of her voice.

There’s one second of silence that somehow stretches on for years before he responds. “Swan?” he asks, disbelief clear in his voice. “Are you alright?”

She smiles despite herself. “Yeah, yeah. I’m just stuck at work and Henry is going to be home any minute and he’s going to be locked out because he forgot his keys and I forgot to hide the spare so I was wondering, you know, if you’re home, and free, if you--”

He cuts off her run-on sentence. “I’m home. I’d be happy to entertain the lad in my home while you work, love,” he says.

She breathes out a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Killian, really,” she says, hoping her tone conveys her gratitude.

“Don’t worry about it,” he says.

The line goes silent and she sighs. “I have to go back to work.”

“Of course,” he says, not unkindly. “See you later.”

She hangs up before she can say something stupid, like how much she misses him, and how much she needs to see him.

When Emma gets home, it’s nearing eleven o’clock at night, and she’s beyond exhausted. She knocks lightly on Killian’s door, trying to ignore the way her arm is shaking with nerves.

He opens the door after a moment, and it’s quiet inside. She looks past him to see Henry asleep on the couch, a red blanket tossed over him. Emma smiles at the sight, then looks at Killian, who is leaning against the doorframe looking criminally handsome in his flannel pajama pants and black t-shirt.

“Hi,” she finally says, and he smiles in response. “You’re my hero.”

He laughs, rolling his eyes as she moves to the side to allow her to enter his apartment. They walk quietly past the living room, back into the kitchen so they can talk freely. Her heart is pounding against her chest.

He turns to her, leaning against his counter. “What’s been going on, Swan?” he asks, his voice free of judgment.

She shakes her head, staring down at her shoes. “I’m terrified of you.”

She doesn’t need to look up at him to know that his gaze is intense and on her only.

“Am I frightening, love?” he asks, his voice a little teasing. She laughs, looking back up at him, and his face is kind. And lonely. “You know, I’ve missed your sass these past few weeks.”

She shakes her head. “I have more to offer than sass, Jones,” she mutters.

“Oh, believe me, I know,” he says.

She reaches into her messenger bag, pulling out the small tupperware. His brows knit together with confusion.

“I made you something… as a thank you, for watching Henry tonight.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Emma. It’s really no problem.”

She rolls her eyes. “They may not be as good as the ones your brother made, but Henry loves my lemon bars, so I thought I’d make you some.”

He stares at her like she just presented him with all the fortune and riches this world has to offer. He takes the box from her gingerly, staring down at it with wonder before setting his eyes back on her.

“This is very kind, Swan,” he says finally, his voice trembling slightly.

She shrugs, stepping into his space slightly. He doesn’t move closer, though, he lets her control the situation. “Killian, I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry,” she sighs, fighting the urge to break eye contact. “The answer to your question… you do frighten me. It’s not your fault, it’s me.”

She stops, and he nods. “I knew you were scared, Swan. I’ve been trying to give you space.”

“Yeah,” she says, reaching her hand forward to rest lightly on his forearm. “Yeah, I noticed. What was that about me being an open book?” she asks, and he laughs quietly. “I just… I didn’t expect this.”

“Neither did I,” he agrees.

She takes the tupperware from him with her other hand, placing it on the counter behind him. “So, what now?” she asks after a beat.

He shrugs. “What do you want, Swan?”

His body surrounds her now, she’s left very little space between them. She searches his eyes for an answer to his question, and then she takes the leap. “I’d like to try something new,” she says.

“Really? And what’s that, darling?” he asks.

Her heart leaps at the endearment, and she doesn’t even bother trying to fight the smile on her face. “Trust.”

He laughs, full and joyous, and she leans forward to press her lips to his.

His hands tangle in her hair quickly, and she’s so happy that she laughs lightly into the kiss, and he responds in kind. He pulls away, pressing soft kisses to her nose, her cheeks, her forehead.

She’s giggling the entire time, and it feels like an out of body experience. She doesn’t know this Emma, this brave, terrified, thrilled Emma.

It’s his phone that interrupts them, and she jumps a bit at the sound. He rolls his eyes, pulling it from his pocket to silence it. She leans forward, resting her forehead against his shoulder.

“I missed you, too, Killian,” she admits, and he laughs, running his hand down her side, settling it on her hip.

They stand like that for a moment, and she pulls back slightly to kiss him once more when they’re interrupted again.

“Mom?”

She jumps away quickly, and Emma looks up to see Killian’s face turning red. She turns around to see her sleepy son staring at them with awe.

“Hey, kid, did we wake you?”

He just raises his eyebrows in disbelief, shaking his head. “Are those lemon bars?” he asks, looking past her to the container on the counter.

She rolls her eyes, and he just shrugs. “Save me some. I’m going back to sleep.”

With that, he turns around and Emma is staring at Killian, who is chuckling at the entire scenario they’ve found themselves in.

It’s only three months more of them getting to know every single thing about each other that he tells her he loves her. He whispers it into her ear one evening on the couch. And for the first time in a long time, her instinct isn’t to run. It’s too press her lips to his shoulder and tell him that she’s so in love with him, that he’s changed her life.

Three months after that, they decide it makes more sense for Emma to move in with him, and Henry couldn’t be happier when the new neighbors move in, giving him a new friend, Violet, to spend time with. Emma doesn’t miss the way his cheeks redden when the young girl waves at him.

And it’s hard work, sometimes. Emma has to learn how to really open herself up, to be truly vulnerable, but it’s worth it. It's the happy ending she never could have imagined for herself, but it's the one that eventually, she realizes, she deserves.

#once upon a time #Killian Jones #Emma Swan #Killian x Emma #Captain Swan #my fic #CS fic #cs ff au

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igiti2019 · 6 years ago

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Day 5 (5/23)

Great day great day great day great day

Today we woke up early for our first day of work! When I woke up I went to the kitchen to hard boil the eggs I bought at the Kimironko Market. One of them cracked and then another one broke while I was peeling it and became an eggy shelly mess, so I threw those away and put the rest in the fridge and decided I would reap the benefits of my culinary work another day. Then we walked to Java House, the cute cafe with the sun logo, and I got a medium americano to go, since we had no time for breakfast. Outside Java House we got a cab and were on our way to work! When we first arrived at work at 10 we went to the third floor where the employees work and filled into a small meeting room that was available. This was perfect because it was small enough for just us 3, it had outlets and a fan, and with the door closed we were able to talk and collaborate. A few moments after getting settled in, Laura, the head of diversity at Kepler, poked her head in to tell us that if we had any questions or wanted to interview her and get her help on anything to let her know. We love Laura. But we had work to do, so we looked at our first deliverable which was to summarize key points of a data set that included data from 3 different sites of Kepler’s college preparation program called ITEME (“small log bridge” in Kinyarwanda). So we each took one site and spent 2 hours in that room summarizing the data! Finding trends, finding differences in gender, in refugees vs. non-refugees, etc. and then comparing the data across sites. At 12, we orded food from Java House with an app called Jumia, which is just like Rwanda’s Uber Eats. We decided we needed a change of scenery, so we went down to the great hall where all of the students can hang out and work, and we claimed a long table in the corner of the room and waited for our food. My lunch was so. Damn. delicious. I got a small dish of rice, a small dish of steamed vegetables, and a small dish of fried plantains, but of course the serving sizes in Rwanda are huge despite the incredibly cheap prices, so I was only able to finish half of it. The other half I’ve boxed up and will have tomorrow, hopefully with one of my prized hard-boiled market eggs. We didn’t do much work during lunch, just talked. Then after lunch we went back upstairs to the quiet room with everyone’s desk offices as I’m calling them, and for about 1 or 2 hours all silently worked on our data, going more in depth, doing other research, etc. until we finished our independent work and needed to collaborate again so we went back to our beloved available meeting room. We worked on our work plan in there until someone came in and kicked us out because they had it reserved for a meeting, and we returned to the great hall downstairs. We finalized that on a weekly basis we’ll plan to be at the office Monday - Friday, and just be very loose about taking days off to attend conferences or work remotely, which I think is just perfect. We also set rough deadlines for each of our 3 deliverables throughout the summer, including work for the case study that we’re meant to be compiling for the class that sent us here in the first place. After we finalized those two schedules Zodi and Ananya talked about some extra curriculars that they have in common until we called a cab and went home. At home things got a little bit icky, because we were all tired after our first day at work, and some of our different preferences were coming up about wifi and electricity use, work schedules, just different differences that will inevitably arise when people live together. I got upset when Zodi gave me some trouble for being so stringent with saving electricity and wifi, so I just isolated myself for a bit and went to my room to cool off. Cried a bit, took an anxiety med, and shook it off, because an hour later we had dinner with our boss in town. We were already kind of running late because it was taking too long to find a cab so we decided to walk, but then Ananya forgot her anti-malarial pills so we had to go back to the apartment but after that we were able to get a cab and make our way to Chez Lando, a higher end restaurant attached to a hotel. Our boss was there waiting for us (she’s really chill so she wasn’t mad at all), and we all sat down and ordered food. For the first time, we experienced what we had all read about – Rwandan service taking forever! Before coming here, we’d all read that restaurant meals can take up to 2 hours just to be delivered to the table, and that’s just a normal thing in Rwanda, but we weren’t experiencing that anywhere we went, we actually noticed that waiters were extremely pleasant and very attentive to our needs. But tonight the dinner took 90 minutes (Ananya timed it) to arrive. But it was well worth the wait! Ashley (boss lady) and Zodi both got Ugali, which is kind of like the outside of mochi if you can imagine that, but as a big blog, and you pick it up with your fingers and use it to then pick up and act as the starchy background for whatever else you ordered, usually spinach, stew, or meats. I’ve wanted to try it since we got here, but unfortunately Zodi and Ashley’s dishes both had meat. But I’m happy that I saw it! It reminded me to look for it next time we go somewhere that might have it. As for me, I got two plates LOADED with vegetables that made my heart sing. I ordered a plain omelette, a vegetable shishkabob, and potato croquettes (a lot of my meals here consist of me ordering things I can eat off of the sides menu and constructing my own meal and I LOVE it), and of course I got one plate with a huge omelette and tons of fresh veggies on the side (including half an avocado oh my god), and another plate with a gigantic roasted veggie skewer, three huge potato croquettes, and for some reason also boiled peas and carrots. It was so damn good. It all cost $4. So… yeah. I’m pretty sure my eyes were just giant stars when the waitress put it in front of me. It looked like a lot, and I thought I would be able to save some of it to add to my lunch tomorrow, but I surprised myself with how quickly I actually finished it! (Except for one of the potato croquettes I gave to Zodi and the fresh veggies that I couldn’t eat bc they’re raw and potentially have cholera bacteria on them but I did eat the avocado because it has a peel so sue me.) During the 90 minute wait and the meal afterwards, Ashley told us about her time living in India in college, her time doing the Peace Corps in Guatemala, her eventual move to Rwanda, her recent move within Rwanda, and her upcoming move to Ethiopia (uhhh… hello.. Can you say “dream life”?????????) We asked her questions about Kepler, and WE FOUND OUT THAT IT’S ACTUALLY SAFE FOR US TO GO TO KIZIBA REFUGEE CAMP. This is huge for me. We had been worried that the recent Ebola outbreak in DRC would make it unsafe to visit the Kiziba Refugee camp, one of Kepler’s campuses, but Kiziba hasn’t accepted any new refugees from DRC in years! I can’t even explain how much it means to me that I will soon be stepping foot onto what I’ve built all of my work around, all of my goals, all of my projects and classes and research. When Ashley saw my excitetment at the news, she stopped smiling for one of the only times that night, and warned me that, “It’s really… a lot. It’s extremely difficult to be there and see it, especially for you guys who have never seen something like it before. But as soon as you get there, people will be following you and touching you, and the poverty is really extreme.” But I’m so ready. I want to see, I want to experience, I want to understand, and then I want to think, and I want to help. June is Refugee Awareness Month, and June 20 is World Refugee Day, so this timing is pretty serendipitous. We need to send our passports to the government and get government clearance to go, and we always need to tell them when we plan to go so that they expect us. (It’s a 4 hour drive up a mountain, so we couldn’t just pop by anyways.) The Kiziba campus graduation is July 5th, so Ashley said that we could certainly go with Kepler for that, but I’d like to go sooner if possible, even just once. It’s $100 to get a 4-wheel drive car (which is necessary for the journey) to take us there, but that’s only $20 more than a regular car would cost. Kepler employees are there Monday - Friday, too, so we would have people who could show us around and speak English with us. At our dinner we also found out that Sylvia, who had become our new supervisor after Obed was leaving to work at a different Kepler location, was now also leaving for a new job somewhere else. So next week we’ll find out who our new supervisor is! It’s too bad, because Sylvia and Obed seem great, but we’ve also met some very cool employees at Kepler like Laura, Cristine, Teppo, Joell, they all seem great, and Ashley seemed confident that we were being placed with the right person. We were ALSO told that tomorrow the president of Southern New Hampshire University, Kepler’s biggest partner, is coming with a group of about 35 people! Ashley is coordinating the whole thing, so she said that we could go and be flies on the wall, but we can’t talk to her because she will be at maximum stress limits. It’s 8:45-12, so I’m hoping we can go at 8:45 and see as much as possible. After that, we’ll hopefully meet with Sylvia to finalize our work plan and get ideas from her about where to go for data, etc. Then it sounded like Ananya and Zodi didn’t want to do a full work day tomorrow, so I’m not sure what will happen after that. Bruno (landlord) is bringing us a rice cooker tomorrow, so I may go back to Kimironko Market and buy some more eggs (since I’ve already lost 3) and some rice by the kilo. 6 organic eggs for $1.20! Did I already tell y’all that?! Anyways after dinner Zodi and Ananya said they no longer wanted to go happy hour at the Inema Arts Center so I had to text Innocent and tell him we would be there next week. Which was very sad, and I really wish we could’ve gone, it would’ve been nice to celebrate our first day of work with 2 for 1 wine!!!! But also it was late, and we need to get up early especially if we’re going in at 8:45! So we taxied home with the SWEETEST French-speaking old man I have ever met and I love him with all my heart and I wish we could’ve gotten his number and used him as our driver every time. (Most taxi drivers give strangers their numbers so that they’ll just call them instead of calling a random cab) He would even be perfect because since he drove us to our impossible-to-find apartment, he knows where it is! If I ever get in his cab again I’ll get his number… We came inside and I took.. My first… RWANDAN SHOWER. (That’s what I’ll be calling it.) But like full on cold shower with a detached shower head I had to move around me without spraying water, squatting down to wash my hair so I wouldn’t get water everywhere, it was great. Very refreshing of course, but also I always love experiencing those little things that make a country definitely different from my country, even if it’s “less comfortable” or considered “worse”. ANY part of a new culture, good or bad, I love discovering it. Now I’m in my room writing this under my mosquito bed net, which I actually love. It’s like a fort. When I got back to my room after my shower and got changed, I threw my phone, backpack, and water bottle under the net and then climbed in. I just throw anything I need for the night in, and then get in! It’s just like a fort!! I love it. Okay that’s all I have to report on today. We used up over half our wifi that we had bought for 30 days in just 3 days, so I’ll post pictures tomorrow when I have work wifi….

Peace!

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sarahemorin · 6 years ago

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One of the joys of getting back into writing circles in the past four years has been getting to know so many other talented writers. In 2015, right after Waking Beauty was published, I ran an interview with W.B. Cornwell and A.N. Williams, who were also releasing their first book. Although Ben and Millie are still in their twenties, they have racked up the publication credits in the past three years. Already their publications include A Chill in the Air and The Shadows are Alive (under pen name Storm Sandlin), and A Day at Aunt Carrie’s. They compiled and edited Heart of Hoosierland: A Collection of Elwood Poetry. They were also contributors to Poets of Madison County and Paw Prints in Verse.

Their newest release, Awaiting Dawn: The Story of Avalene, came out earlier this summer. I sat down with the pair at Logan Street Sanctuary in Noblesville to ask them about their latest endeavor. Ben is an outgoing and consistently upbeat young man. He’s full of energy and grateful to swap ideas with other writers. Millie is quieter at first, but focused, observant, and unafraid to interject insightful comments. Together the pair are ambitious, optimistic, and incredibly productive. Seeing the pair interact smoothly at the interview gave me an inkling of how they function as cowriters. At times they were so in sync they finished each other’s sentences.

Sarah E.: I love talking to local authors. What is your connection to Central Indiana?

Ben: Our great-great-great-grandmother was born here a month before Indiana became a state in December 1816. Our family were pioneers of the state, county, and Elwood, the city where we now reside.

Sarah E.: So you two share not only a literary relationship, but another type of relationship.

Millie: Yes, we’re first cousins and best friends.

Sarah E.: And that’s after surviving several books, a real test of friendship! What kind of literary works do you write?

Millie: All kinds. Under the pen name Storm Sandlin we write horror. Awaiting Dawn: The Story of Avalene is our first YA novel. We also write historical fiction and fantasy, poetry and prose.

Ben: We have separate projects as well. But yeah, we’re pretty eclectic. Imagine two collections of Edgar-Allen-Poe-inspired stories beside our children’s book.

Sarah E.: Tell me about the plot of Awaiting Dawn.

Ben: The story is set in a medieval time frame. A young princess’s family is murdered and she’s taken captive by the new king. He takes up residency in her home and gives her to his son. The whole book is about her trying to survive at her former house. It’s her palace, but it’s no longer her family. She’s no longer safe there. She’s in an abusive marriage and has a horrible father-in-law. It’s very much a story of survival.

Sarah E.: It’s like a crossover piece, fantasy and thriller.

Ben: It’s hard for people to understand how someone could be a princess and a slave at the same time.

Sarah E.: So politics are what bind her?

Ben: Yeah, if she left it would mean her life.

Sarah E.: That’s intriguing. Millie, who is your favorite character?

Millie: Starla. She is a servant in the place and becomes the only friend and companion that Avalene has. She’s a light in her life.

Sarah E.: Was her development your idea?

Millie: We created Starla together, but—

Ben: She was yours.

Millie: (Laughs.) She was my character. We planned out all the relationships between characters and plot points. And then we each took ones that were important to us and wrote the scenes.

Ben: We divide it as homework basically. You have five chapters this week. You have Avalene and her best friend. I have her and the love interest. And then we write and compare and edit together.

Sarah E.: Do you think an outside reader is able to tell who wrote what?

Ben: I don’t think so because sometimes it’s hard for us.

Millie: Yeah. I don’t remember which part we wrote.

Ben: It’s pretty fluid.

Sarah E.: That’s remarkable. But then your imaginative brains have been functioning side by side for a while.

Millie: Since we were little, we created games to play together and worlds and stories.

Ben: One thing that is bizarre is for first cousins—you really only hear about it with twins—we share nightmares.

Sarah E.: WOAH! That’s kind of cool. Not that I really wish nightmares on you.

Ben: Well, that’s the Storm Sandlin stuff.

Sarah E.: Right right. I can see the influence of the Storm Sandlin genre on this fantasy novel now that you’ve described it. It’s not as far away from your original genre as I thought.

Ben: Yeah, it’s not slasher. There’s nothing supernatural. But there is mental abuse, like you might see in a realistic horror story. It’s scary in a different way. Avalene is battered.

Sarah E.: Why do you choose to write those two genres?

Ben: (Laughs.) I guess we’re sick people!

Sarah E.: I don’t believe that.

Mille: I would say with Awaiting Dawn it’s a lot easier to answer that question. It’s because of the continued hope in the darkness, trying to fight back to the light.

Sarah E.: See, that was a good answer! When you are a reader, what genre are you pulled most to?

Ben: Historical fiction. My favorite author is Gene Stratton Porter. The first book I ever read of hers was A Girl of the Limberlost, published in 1909. That’s the birth year of three of my great-grandparents.

Sarah E.: That was my grandmother’s favorite author. She had collections of moths and butterflies pinned in boxes. And Millie, what about you?

Millie: I am typically drawn to very whimsical fantasy, anything that has that magical element. It started with Narnia.

Sarah E.: Fascinating that you, Ben, write historical fiction, and you, Millie, like whimsical fantasy, but that’s not what you write.

Ben: Well, I am a genealogist. I love anything that puts you into that time frame.

Sarah E.: It is true that the study of history ties in well to the world-building you do in fantasy. You have to invent a kingdom and which rules you’re following and which rules you’re changing. That’s sort of like being a historian. I say that because I’m a Conner Prairie girl.

Ben: Right. I think that’s cool you that.

Sarah E.: It’s pretty fun! So when I interviewed you two in 2015, you mentioned your inspiration was Alfred Hitchcock, Tim Burton, classical music, and nursery rhymes. Has that changed?

Ben: Actually L.M. Montgomery’s Anne of Green Gables influenced Avalene.

Sarah E.: What’s the connection?

Ben: Anne’s not abused, but she’s alone in the world until the Cuthberts take her in. Her time with the family before is not good. It’s a story of survival. It’s incredible to see how Lucy Montgomery develops her characters. It helped me become a better writer. It’s really funny to think the process of how Anne of Green Gables came to be is similar to how Avalene came to be, which I didn’t find out til after it was published.

Sarah E.: Tell me more about that.

Ben: Anne of Green Gables started as a short story. Lucy was going to send it in to get published in a magazine and something told her, no, save it. Years later she took it out and turned it into a huge series. Well, Avalene started off as a three-part short story. When we first wrote it, it was vastly different.

Millie: That was five years ago.

Ben: We posted it on Facebook.

Millie: And on our blog.

Ben: I was reading it and said, “Millie, we need to bring new life to this.” So we removed it from cyberspace and edited what was maybe 4000-5000 words into a novel. It took—how many months?

Millie: We started last November.

Sarah E.: It just came out on Amazon June 5th. That’s fast!

Ben: We had a really great editor who is also an Indiana author named Samantha Boothroyd.

Sarah E.: I hear she’s nice!

(Note: At this point we all glanced at Samantha Boothroyd, who just so happened to be in the room and just so happens to be Ben’s girlfriend.)

Ben: She is! I’m fond of her.

Samantha: I can hear you, and for the record when I read it I didn’t know who wrote what.

Sarah E.: That’s amazing you were that smooth in your transitions.

Ben: A lot of people ask us, “How do you work with someone?” I couldn’t do it with everybody. Millie and I can even cowrite a poem, where every single word matters, and be happy with it. That’s a really rare thing.

Sarah E.: You two are a really fascinating case study. Speaking about Anne of Green Gables, you have seen Anne with an E?

Ben: I have not.

Sarah E.: You might be interested because it deals much more with her past and that she was essentially a neglected child. It’s a much more psychological treatment than she’s traditionally given.

Ben: I feel like I would betraying Megan Follows, who did the original version. But I do want to see it.

Sarah E.: Here’s a quote from you two a few years ago: “With a writing partner, there’s no such thing as writer’s block.” Do you still find that to be true?

Mille: Yes.

Sarah E.: Do you ever have an artistic disagreement?

Millie: (Laughs.) That’s also a yes.

Ben: At first, if we didn’t like something—

Millie: —we’d just get really quiet. We wouldn’t provide feedback for each other. We were afraid of offending each other. But we sat down one day and had a conversation: if we’re not both completely happy with this, we shouldn’t publish it. And if there’s a different way you see this scene happen or saw this character, explain it. That’s how you know who your characters really need to be.

Ben: A lot of people will at some point work with a cowriter. It’s important when you’re doing that to have a shared mapped-out outline. You know what’s going to happen. If you write 12 chapters, and I’m writing 12 chapters that take place after that, and I discover you killed off a major character…you can’t do that.

Millie: You have to be communicating constantly to write together.

Ben: We get together twice a week for 2-3 hours for writing sessions. At the end of the session we have homework. You work on this scene, I work on that scene, then we get together and edit.

Sarah E.: How did you learn your craft?

Ben: I didn’t start taking writing seriously until high school. Then it was private. I threw a lot of it away. I didn’t see a point in keeping it. Big mistake. Then when we started working together. I had a story I couldn’t finish, she had a story she couldn’t finish. I said, “You know what would be cool? If your character and my character were friends.” That’s what started our first collaboration. I do believe writing groups are important. We both belong to The Write Idea. I belong to the Last Stanza Poetry Association. Jenny Kalahar, who I know you know, is my literary godmother.

Sarah E.: That’s a good description of Jenny!

Ben: She’s been more of a blessing than she will ever know. I recently sent her something to proof and she wrote back, “You’re getting better and better.” The joy that came from an adopted mentor telling you that is hard to explain.

Sarah E.: So Millie, how did you learn your craft?

Millie: I don’t remember a time I didn’t write. In elementary school I would start a story and get stuck, and throw it away, and start another story. I did that through middle school. I took two writing classes in high school. One was on poetry, and it almost made me not write poetry.

Sarah E.: Oh no!

Millie: I started to think it was all rules and meter. But then I rediscovered poetry and enjoy having more freedom. I also took a creative writing course and that helped me develop my thoughts into complete stories.

Sarah E.: Upcoming projects?

Ben: We are sending out a submission call soon for an anthology called Under the Cherry Tree: Thirty Great Poets Under Thirty. It’s a nationwide search for poets between the ages of 18 and 29. It’s kind of a hard age. There’s a lot of things for kids, and that’s great, and then you’re twenty and can’t do those anymore. But in your 20s, older poets don’t take you seriously sometimes. To the teenagers we’re old, it the older poets we’re children, and so we’re trying to give a publication for that awkward age group in the literary world. We’ll feature the 30 best poets we can collect.

Millie: We’d like to publish this in April 2019 for National Poetry Month.

Ben: After that we’ll do an anthology for Indiana poets. We’d like to constantly produce works that don’t feature just us. It’s an odd concept to not be working on 3-5 publications.

Sarah E.: Anything else we should know?

Ben: Elwood’s Poetry Month is coming up in October. In 2016 Mayor Todd Jones signed a proclamation we presented him. Elwood has a Poetry month now in remembrance of a poetry day Elwood use to have in 1976, which was started by my grandmother.

Sarah E.: What can folks look forward to this year?

Ben: We are still raising money from Heart of Hoosierland. Every dime raised til November 1 all the money goes to the city—to the library and the food pantry.

Sarah E.: Thank you, this was a fun time. You all fascinate me. Last thing, how can folks get copies of your books?

Ben: All our books are on Amazon. We publish through Create.Space. We also encourage folks to visit our Facebook page or read our pieces on http://goodkin.org/.

WEBSITE

Author Interview: W.B. Cornwell and A.N. Williams One of the joys of getting back into writing circles in the past four years has been getting to know so many other talented writers.

#A.N. Williams #author interview #Awaiting Daw: The Story of Avalene #new release #Storm Sandlin #W.B. Cornwell

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survivorathena-allstars · 7 years ago

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Episode #9: “I Don't Want to Play Duck Duck Goose Anymore; It's Time to Play All Stars” ~ Emily

WE MADE MERGE BABY

I just PM'd everyone from the other tribe I am SO happy for merge. This came at the perfect time! Now I just have to make sure I win immunity and hopefully get pulled into an alliance or something. I don't even know who I want to WORK WITH!! But I'm glad that there is a possibility to get numbers. Seriously I don't think I've ever PM'd so many people at a merge before, I usually wait for people to come to me but NOT TODAY BUCKAROOS. it's time to show that i can be a social queen and get myself out of some sticky situations that could be coming my way with the old ata la la la la de dah tribe.

Merge! Woo! We are going into this merge split 6-6 even for tribal lines on both original tribes and swap tribes, which is kind of incredible. I don't know who I want to trust. I just know that if ruthie was willing to vote Lily before, she'll do it again. And that's the tea.

i'm bad at naming things um I DON'T KNOW BUT I NEED TO BE QUIET I'M SPILLING WAY TOO MUCH TO THESE PEOPLE AT THIS MERGE PARTY. I'm about to let it slip to Will that my old tribe has an alliance 0:)

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO WE FUCKING MERGED!!!! LETS DO THIS YALL!!!! Okay, so here's the status of things. Obviously, I'm glad to be united with a few people again, but I'm already starting to form a potential boot order in my head. It clearly won't work this way for real, but there are a few people that I don't want to see getting much further. Ali is definitely one of them, for two main reasons. First of all, he's a challenge beast that is not at all to be doubted, and if he went on an immunity streak, it could throw not just a wrench, but an entire toolbox into the rest of my game. So he's got to go for that alone. But also, he's being so unreasonably bitter? Apparently, this doesn't apply to just him, but Emily and Owen both said that he was refusing to talk to them because of their challenge performance. Y'know, the challenge that was an entire day ago. You really would think they'd be a BIT less bitter at this point, but alas... apparently not. Dana and Will could be logical next boots after that, along with Ashvika. Not sure about that order, though. And... As much as I love Cameron, I don't know if I'd want to work with him. Every time I work with him, it never ends up going right, and he betrays me by relaying information to another alliance, never voting with me, or something of the sort. So he might be on that list earlier than my out-of-game self would want. Kevin could also be a boot opportunity early on, as his paranoia is so hard to deal with, and it makes him as unpredictable as going on Omegle's video mode. I don't know where I stand on Ruthie, though. It's hard to put an accurate gauge on where I want her in this game, as she could possibly be brought onto my side as an ally, but the Autumn vote may have ruined that. So I'll have to let that sit for a while. Ideal F3 (if it IS F3) is me, Emily (hehe), and Zach. Ideal F2 is me and Emily (duh <3). Ideal F1 is me.

I'm so sad about Jack going I'm like really sad. I miss him wtf I wouldn't have done him so dirty BRING BACK JACK 2K18

Merge time means tea time, which means everyone gets a little too comfortable and says things they shouldn't! I love how Ruthie is so willing to throw the other tribe under the bus and flip to our side, we LOVE a queen and we LOVE a Will warrior like her. Owen....idk what you were thinking siding with Emily and Lily when you had literally the perfect opportunity to take them out but ok work. Like I genuinely don't care if y'all felt bad for Lily feeling left out, that's the game we're playing. You need to check your feelings at the door or you will not win this game. As far as I'm concerned, Lily or Emily is next to go - whoever doesn't win immunity is gonna be gone. A good split vote will work there too just in case of an idol, but it's time to cut the threats loose and let the non-recruits take control. Sorry about it! ________________________________________________________________ And when I tell people it's gonna be a bloodbath, know that I'm not gonna be the one bleeding - I'll be the one left standing.

Okay merge time! Lots to confess on! Firstly, I am so ready for Sandra Diashvika Twine winning again, like wooOoOoOO! Otherwise, I am..... conflicted about who I wanna work with from atalaia. The majority on their tribe was Emily/Owen/Zach as a core group, with Lily and Kevin as 4th and 5th and Ruthie firmly in the minority. I definitely want to work with Ruthie, she clicks well into our group since she is a self proclaimed Will Warrior. The issue is however that I don't know if I can then work with Ruthie and then also Zach/Owen/Emily, because that leaves us with voting out Kevin which I don't think I necessarily want to do and Lily who I do want to go, but I don't know if Emily will. With that said, I think my goal boot order for the merge going forward would be: 12th = Lily 11th to 9th = Preferably maybe Zach > Emily > Owen as an order? That gives us a top 8 of the six from Loronha + Ruthie/Kevin. That might then (unfortunately) be the opportunity to turn on Cameron/Dana/Will as right now I feel like I'm probably number four in that alliance? I wanna really assess that because I do feel good about going really far with Dana,Cameron and Will provided I'm not just the clear cut 4th in that alliance. AHH, we will see eek. I think the four immediate targets should be Lily 1st, then Emily,Owen & Zach. The issue is however, is like a fool, Emily knows about my alliance, so if I do want to get her out, it needs to be a _major_ blindside, so if Lily wins immunity, maybe Emily needs to go? I love murdering my own children

merge!!!! thank god i was not going to survive another round in that tribe so i'm reunited with my favs Cameron and duncan. i just went on a call with dunc and received a PIPING cup of a tea from him: 1. first of all i spilled the beans to him on what happened at our tribe pretty much instantly. i also spilled the beans to will because keeping a secret to myself? not familiar with that concept #RatsOnly 2. apparently i played in lazio with duncan and he was bitter at me for 3 months??? skdkdkd 3. duncan and i want to be a #dynamicduo bc we think no one would expect it and since we haven't actually been on a tribe together we'll have different connections which will allow us to get more info and do stuff with that 4. duncan has a treehouse hideout thing which allows him to skip a tribal up until f10. also Cameron has an idol??? okay 5. some BITCHES on LORANHA apparently threw my name and lily's name out as easy merge boots. which is honestly realistic bc i haven't been in any alliance so i'm like the hali of this game but not as hot. but like...am i a threat??? neaux sir. i couldn't hear what duncan was saying but i think he said Cameron threw my name out???? not sure. whoever it is is a RAT. duncan suggested voting out ruthie instead which will like be chill i guess. anyways i need to try hard in immunity i guess

Owen snatched immunity before I could even get started

I'm a flop hi! I'm confessing I'm being a good castaway I promise! I did like twenty puzzles in total which took maybe a total of three hours... I fucking hate puzzles. But of course Owen won. He's here to PLAY. I'm just really concerned for Lily and I at this point. I KNOW that people are going to target us at some point because they've already started? I think people are just coming for my friends like Madison? Gone. Jack? Gone. Lily? Almost gone thank god we saved her in that tie revote. I dont understand??? Don't come for my boys tho. Protect Ali, Zach, and Duncan AT ALL COSTS!!! Also I have no clue why I have such a HARD ASS TIME trusting Owen? Like there's just.... I CAN'T TRUST HIM! He's proven to me time and time again that he's trustworthy but for some reason... HE'S NOT! I'm just happy to be back with Ali and Duncan though because like... I trust them a whole whole lot. A whole lot. And they have powers! Duncan has that hideaway he needs to use soon and he also has an idol. Ali has an idol. Also me thinking back to that idol that Ali and I didn't get after having to be quiet in the time chat for forever... I think Will has it. Sneaky sneaky snake that Will. I love him, but he's a SNAKE!!! OH speak of the devil he just messaged me fdjkfjaksdfa I LOVE WILL I PROMISE I just haven't gotten to be on a tribe with him yet and like I don't know where his head is at or his allegiances and stuff. Also Zach hasn't talked to me in a while and I DON'T WANT HIM TO ABANDON ME I love Zach!! And I literally wanna go to final three with him!!! Heck!! talk TO ME also I don't buy that not talking in the tribe chat is like ... only a disadvantage. I played this game before BUDDY!!! It got me nothing but I think it's gonna get him something so fajsdkfjasdkf UGH anyways I'm gonna go get Greek food this is the end of my confessional bye

Checking in as the worst player in all stars. I am mad at myself because I'm literally making all the same mistakes and am in this messy spiral that I can't get out of. Emily knows about my idol, which gets tricky for voting out her or Lily, Duncan knows *everything* including too much I said about Cameron, when I was still assessing whether to work with him and I've just boxed myself into a tricky spot. I'm literally making the same mistakes, like I'm just bad at this and it makes me so sad. I'm gonna get dragged to the end as a goat again and that makes me so sad, ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I wanted to rewrite my Athena experience, but instead of playing a terrible game without realising like last time, I am playing an even worse game but this time i can tell and it makes me sad. I cant wait to be dragged to the end as a goat again, this is gonna like crush my self-esteem even further into the swamp ajlfkajldfk. god I hate myself, and these games makes it so much worse

Ladies... we merged! I am honestly so happy I made merge, and that's my first of three goals, the other two being jury and 100 days. I really like everyone on our tribe. Like there's people who I worked with and will continue to work with, such as Emily and Owen, then there are people who I haven't worked with, that i'm excited and hopeful to work with, such as Dana, Cameron and Will. Overall everyone's great! There's only a few people who'd I enjoy seeing leave. Kevin - we don't have a superior connection. Sure, he's friendly and nice, but compared to my other conversations it's just... dull. Sweet kid though. Lily - I like Lily and would love to work with her, but she's close with Emily, has many advantages and similarly to Kevin, we just don't connect. Duncan is fine too. I like him and would love to work with him, and Dana said there's beef between him and Will so keeping them both in the game keeps us under the radar. Ashvika's a queen, and I love her. Ruthie's sweet but also like kind of AFK. Ali? A legend. If I had to, right now, predict a final three, it'd be: Ali, Will, and either Ruthie/Dana. We'll see how wrong I am sometime!! WOOH!! Also i can't talk in chats right now i'm so sad.

I'm.... literally the worst player left I'm screeching. Everyone is talking strategy and like I'm very out of it, like its interesting seeing Zach say (admittedly it wasn't exactly shocking) that he is close with Emily and Owen, as well as Dana & Cameron. Like... that's a lot of people, when me/Zach/Emily were a three person alliance, like.... yikes. Anyways, I am trying to see where I stand rn. I think I am still number four in the Dana/Will/Cameron/I alliance, so I'm thinking if I can get down to the nitty gritty with Ashvika/Duncan like that's actually a solid workable opportunity. I think I'd like to go to F5 with Ashvika/Duncan/Kevin/Ruthie? I just like the sound of that, and then I can figure it out from there... We will see I think I really want Lily out this vote, and then just one of the extended numbers for my L.A.W.D alliance, just so they can't flip away from me. I just feel really uncertain right now, so I wanna start eliminating numbers that are gonna cause issues for me, and Lily is the prime target for that. I really feel like I'm the worst player in the game and wanna try and resolve that somehow, but like... you can't fix a player as terrible as me hsjkdfajsdfa ________________________________________________________________ Who is ready for ali the goat the sequel! I sure am ________________________________________________________________ me: cries about telling too many people about my idol me: tells two more people making the number of people that know now equal 6 but its fun, and the aim of these games is to have fun and leaving sad confessionals isn't good, so lets just have fun with it.

Honestly, please self-vote out of this game if you're "close with Emily." If i have to hear that phrase one more time I WILL choke. Stop playing this game like you're close with Emily because unless you're me NEWS FLASH LADIES you're close with Emily!!! Her name is literally starting to sound weird to me because I'm hearing it so much. Like am I jealous of her? YOU BET. How do I make my mist as strong as Emily. I am sick of pacifying miss Emily. Ok on another note, my main bff Ali Bee told me he HAS THE IDOL that I told everyone Lily has and honestly im wigged. I'm so happy he has the idol. Also Cameron told me that someone good had an idol the other day, and I confirmed tonigt that this person he told me about was Ali so yee we love tea! The other good thing about that all going down as it did, is that later down the line (assuming I don't get murdered) I can be like "Will Ali and Cameron are vv close, Cameron got idol tea before us!!!" and use that as leverage. Right now apparently all the names out there are Ali, Lily, Ruthie, and Kevin. Owen, I just don't trust, and I really tried to sell my loyalty to him on call and if Owen were 5% less smart he probably would have bought it. I delivered an outstanding an emotionally confusing performance tonight and she deserves recognition. Also I would like to thank everyone for nominating me for the role of village idiot of the season. It means a lot to me accepting this award. I'd like to thank Cameron for helping me really sell it to the people that i'm an illiterate meme just looking 4 a home amongst all these intimidating players I can't keep up with. Like UTR whommmm. Me? It's unlikely but apparently also working. Like i don't want people thinking it's worth their time to vote miss me out of this game when all the scary smart people are around. Keep me around for jokes and fake drama pls.

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this was like before immunity results were even posted ________________________________________________________________

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Alright team, here's the deal: merge boot, it can either be simple or it can be a mess. And this time it's gonna be a grade A mess. We have 6 people from each of the swapped tribes, and 6 people from each of the starting tribes, which means there's a whole messy web of connections between everyone going every which way. I have my core four of me, Ali, Cameron, and Dana (which has an even stronger core of just me and Dana) and we have connections with Duncan and Ashvika (the Loronha squad/Charlotte's Angels), with Owen (from the Elaenia days), with Zach (our cracked king) and with Emily (because who the fuck isn't connected with Emily). The thing is, EmiLily NEEDS to get broken up and everyone knows it, but we have people literally saying they won't vote Emily out until F5 but....guess what? If we let her get that far, she's LITERALLY GOING TO WIN like are you KIDDING ME. So since nobody wants to vote out Emily right now, and we need to break up that duo, the obvious target is Lily. But again, people are SO worried about burning Emily as a potential ally that they won't vote Lily. Like honestly props to Emily for literally smothering everyone with her mist to the point where they won't even try to play the fucking game anymore. We can't just vote out the outsiders forever, like we're at a point where the only "easy vote" left is Kevin (sorry king) and, according to some people, Ruthie (love u queen) - but the thing is, why would you take out an easy vote NOW when you have a chance to take a shot at a big threat? And honestly, I don't even know if Lily is really a threat to win this game since she doesn't speak to anyone when it isn't right before tribal so like....I'm talking about taking a shot at Emily by taking out Lily. If you wanna overthrow the queen, you have to take down her loyal aide first. Dana, Cameron, Ali, and Ruthie are the only people that seem to have completely detached themselves from the idea that "we need to play with our friends and we need to go for the easy votes" because let's see... what happens at F10 when you've taken out Ruthie/Kevin and all your "friends" are left? It's Survivor, you have to burn someone at some point. If you don't burn someone else, you're the one getting burned. I think I can convince Owen that it's better for his game to burn just Emily than to burn all three of me, Cameron, and Dana but... I really don't know. I love Zach but if he's saying he won't vote out Emily until F5.... then do you really deserve to be playing this game? If the jury really does start tonight, I also need to start playing a selfish game and figure out how I can get these people that we're gonna be voting out to vote for me. I have a lot of plans and big ideas, but I don't know for sure if or how they're gonna work. Right now we need to get at least one or two people onboard with voting out Lily...like that is going to happen tonight I am going to make sure she goes home.

Tag yourself I’m me exposing my whole friend group as friends but not including myself as a part of it #wig I love strategy!!!!!! No I don’t I’m just stupid

Everyone's so fucking dumb they act as if there aren't only 12 people on this tribe (10 technically since Lily never speaks to anyone apparently and nobody knows who Kevin is) like you can't be like "omg I only heard it was Ruthie" and not expect that I already heard your plan to divert from Lily going home by throwing Ruthie's name out there like what the fuck lmao

Okay so yesterday the options for voting were like Ruthie Lily and Kevin. I did not want to vote any of these people because I wanted to work/reconnect with the first two and the third person is me. BUT it appears the options are Ruthie and me so...my hand's been forced. I wanted to try reconnecting with Ruthie after that last tribal but I guess not hm. If I survive this tribal it'll be the third tribal in a row I've received votes so that'll be cute! I don't know who the source of my name is, I don't know if I want to know but I'd appreciate the information so I don't go rattling all my secrets to my own killer!! Wish me luck!!! :,)

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DUNCAN WHAT THE HECK WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO VOTE ME OUT??? WHY ARE YOU THE ONE PUSHING ME, I DO NOT GET IT, WHY???

Everyone is being super shady rn I don’t understand who started with wanting ruthie out but I don’t trust lily and I’m working on flipping the vote that way. Also wHY is everyone so concerned about defying Emily?? People wouldn’t be down to vote Emily rn so it’s imperative we vote out lily bc they’re close

If anything, the way people are acting about this vote is VERY telling about how they're playing this game and a lot of people? Aren't playing very good games. Shame, isn't it?

yeah so....this is a lot. a lot a lot. A LOT. First of all, when we merged let me just say I was so happy to be with that whole other tribe again. DUNCAN AND ASHVIKA and I? legends only. Ali? A king. BUT MY TRU BBYS DANA WILL AND Cameron??? A++++++++++++++++++++++ holy SHOOT. I love everyone in this game and it's so nice to be working with those people again. I had some explaining to do about the tied vote and the autumn vote....so that was fun. idk. the real fun started later. first of second of all, the fucking immunity challenge. ruthie and I were talking before it got posted and I was like hahaha I hope it's a puzzle!!!!! hahahaahahahahahahahaHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA man i rlly fucked up with that wish, huh? :') puzzles are my thing so when I saw it was puzzle comp I was like YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! it was my time to shine. well.... :) hehe :) be careful what you wish for in the athena series, folks, bc this genie is a savage :') i came into the comp just wanting to be cute. i wanted a fun time and all I got? cramps. and FATIGUE. and torture. i was so paranoid ali or emily would stay up all night doing them but seems like was the only one truly crazy enough to ignore the fact that I had school starting the next day fakjsfjk but oh well. a win is a win, and the further I went the more I told myself that if I didnt win all the work would be for nothing. SO I DID IT! second of second of all, boy has this tribe gone to shit. lets get all the he said she said out of the way first. so I went on call with Duncan, he said he didnt wanna do Kevin and didnt wanna piss emily off so he landed on ruthie. he wants ruthie gone I was like ok. then i got on the call with will and he and I talked about maybe doing the easier thing like ruthie or kevin. then I get on call with will dana Cameron and,....fajskhjfk Cameron doesnt wanna do kevin or ruthie bc that's too easy. Cameron wants lily out as a move first, and I was ok with that, so were dana and will. basically like...we don't have sny reason to vote zach or ali yet, they dont wanna do emily yet, and duncan/ashvika didnt really come up as targets which left kevin ruthie and lily, the usual suspects. but then I talked to zach and he said he'd much rather do kevin. ok wig. then I talked to emily today and she wants to do kevin too. but then apparently lily found out from DUNCAN her name coulda gone around. I talk to lily aqnd first lily wants to do ali???? ok mood. but then fkasdhfkjds she was like everyone is doin ruthie. SO NOW, lily, duncan, and presumably ashvika were gonna do ruthie, emily doin ???? maybe kevin maybe ruthie, and will dana Cameron zach ruthie myself doin lily, and idk what ali's doin he told me he's thinking about going vegetarian and that's the biggest move he's told me about so far this round so fkshdfj ok ali. but like......uhg idk. ashvika doesnt want ruthie out, but ashvika apparently knows ppl are voting lily? god. GOD. third of all! some of my actual thoughts about all of this huge ass info dump..... I really really still love Dana, Will, and Cameron, but looking down the line, I am worried they will all be closer to each other than to me. They spent a lot of time together on that other tribe, and of the four of us they might pin me as a threat and kick me out. Cameron and I called privately as well and I told Cameron some additional things and he said that the other two might be a little sketched out by me rn but that if I vote with them it'll be fine. I also still....really love Will bye :'( what a king. I have talked to him a lot one on one about everything going on, and I just hope he trusts me too. It's just that of the four of us, I have a lot of the connections like outside ofour alliance (emily and lily, zach, duncan/ashvika, etc) which is GOOD FOR ME but also....playing both sides is not gonna be fun when sides come, and also I don't want them to freak out about my loyalty. I also still REALLY want to work with Zach and he might even be one of my closest allies rn as well. I don't want to be on a separate page from him. he's good. and he still really wants to work with emily too. NOW. I messaged Ali a lot about how like he might be seen as a threat down the line and that I might start to be one too and that we should have each other's backs and he agreed. He claims he doesn't think of himself as a threat and also like every time he speaks it's something about how he thinks his game is awful.... fskjdf i wish he would spend more time talking to me about his thoughts this time around and not his thoughts about how he played in emathia but! that's ok. Cameron also apparently has some tea on him....? That he didnt want to tell me.... Could Ali have an idol idk. Also it's really clear that Ali and Cameron are VERY close after that swap. But I like them both and want to move forward with both of them. I also called Emily one on one and told her the same thing - we're both gonna be threats soon, and we need each other. And I think that's true. So when I look ahead, it doesn't make sense for me to get Lily out at this vote. There's going to come a time when everyone who loves each other is gonna blow tf up and start targeting the threats. Which is why I'm trying to build mini-groups outside of my core alliance. My group with Duncan and Ashvika is good. But my group with Lily and Emily is another one. If Kevin left, then I would literally be good with so many people and they'd all be hopefully targeting each other. Emily and Lily are targets over me, Will wants Duncan out pretty bad and Duncan wants Will.... idk where Zach and Dana fit in but I love them and I don't think Zach would turn on me yet. But the closer it gets to voting, the more Will wants to do Lily, and I'm really at a crossroads here bc I don't want to make Emily mad or anything... Basically my main alliance wants Lily gone bad, which isn't necessarily bad for me but it's not best. And the people outside that alliance are split between Ruthie and Kevin and idk. If I really want to come out and say it, I could try to get dana Cameron and will to vote kevin. but they're just gonna think it's bc I wanna work with lily which is....not necessarily wrong. idk there's just a wheel that keeps spinning and I don't know when or where it's gonna stop. right now I'm thinking Lily. but how do I move forward from that? how am I going to get to the end of this game? I don't think I can unless I get to a point where I can win out. idk yall im still a mess rn but isn't that what we were all expecting dflfdk at least it wont be me. ________________________________________________________________ in other news will and I will be going as wario and waluigi for halloween so watch out

it's over luigi i'm going home tonight duncan was like "well most people have said ruthie" and that's like cool or whatever but then i'm like "well who said my name" bc i don't wanna like talk to the wrong ppl and then duncan has gone SILENT sjsjs if i survive it'll be a miracle sent from god our father

Wowowowow this is a mess. Here's how i presume the vote going down tonight.

We (oh good l.a.w.d) are trying to save ruthie and kill lily. We have us 4 plus ashvika and ruthie, which is 6. I believe owen, zach, emily, and lily will likely vote kevin. Thats 4. I think kevin and duncan will probably vote ruthie. Thats 2. Lily goes, barring further complications. Bless up.

I love starting the plan to get lily out and securing votes and then having someone else come tell me that we’re voting lily tonight!

90% of the time I have no idea what the fuck this tribe is talking about. Okay, so, picture this. It's around 6:30, I've been talking with Cameron and a few others, and what I hear is that the vote is for Ruthie. I think this is alright, and I set my phone down, diverting my attention towards the delicious tacos I prepared for myself. At 6:55-ish, I get back on Skype, and now Cameron is telling me that everyone is voting for Kevin! I don't know about y'all, but it seems a BIT suspicious that the vote would change like that in less than a half an hour with no explanation to it at all! It just feels like this is some elaborate ploy, so that people can get me distracted with these two options and just blindside me. I thought this would be unanimous, but Perhaps The Fuck Not, My Good Sirs

this is how i'm looking at everyone in this tribe rn I trust NO ONE. Cameron told me "oh yeah the majority's voting ruthie" and so did duncan and then i talk to some people to whom i say "you know i'm voting ruthie probably" and then they're like "oh okay cool haha you do you!" which is the most blatantly transparently WISHY WASHY response you could give like they'll say "well who knows what could happen" like you might as well stab me because that'd be more enjoyable than this!!! and then i talk to lily later and lily's REAL with me and she says the majority WAS to Ruthie but now it seems like everyone's voting me?? and then i talk to emily and she's like "oh the majority's voting ruthie" and i'm like WHAT RHE FUCK IS FOING ON. Cameron says he has no idea what's going on. tonight's mood is paranoia, betrayal, and utter confusion to sum up my mental state in one word...fuck

This is going to be a fun one

This is a letter put in a time capsule for Dana, Will & Cameron. I just want to confess about how much I love you three. Dana, you always describe yourself as upsetting, but in reality I think you are one of the funniest and most genuine people in this community. Your pep talk you gave me on call was so nice, and its been a pleasure to actually work with you this time alkjdfa. Will, you are TOO HARD ON YOURSELF. You put so much energy in helping me build myself up, but remain too critical of yourself. You don't realise how popular you actually are and how much time people have for you. Cameron, m'fave. I love you so much, you and Captain are the most iconic duo (I'm done waiting) and I think you are the best. anywho, soppyness over. I felt they deserved that because on call yesterday they were so nice to me and I wanted to return the favour. ________________________________________________________________ OKAY SO THIS VOTE. I.... highkey have wanted Lily to be merge boot since we merged, so this is going a way I support. Also, I am forever an Ashvika warrior, we have decided to stan forever. Right now, Me/Ashvika/Dana/Will/Cameron/Ruthie are all voting Ruthie, which is 6/12. It looks like the other 6 aren't gonna be united or one of the 6 is gonna vote with us, so it looks like Lily is going. Unfortunately, that requires upsetting Emily, so I'm trying to very delicately clue her in that Lily is in jeopardy. Its not even that I wanna lie to her, Im more just concerned about upsetting her. Its a mess! whewie whewie whew. owenlol fkasdjhfkjsdhfkjs so now like I'm confident Lily is going, Ali, Ashvika, and now Ruthie are all voting her even though Zach isn't, but it now comes down to whether or not I tell Emily and idk. I just wish Kevin could gtfo because he's not a number for me. I'm hating my life rn fskjfhjds but ! oh well! maybe I'll just vote kevin and deal with it later.

whatever it isn't the end of the world I don't think....but damn if Lily has an idol now would be the time to play it huh

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people are voting for lily apparently or something i'm too young to think this much idk

There's nothing better than playing the absolute DUMBEST when shit hits the fan, thank you Queen Dana for telling Emily it was gonna be Lily, because now Emily thinks I'm just as confused as she is. We love a good ruse.

EMILY WHY. I tried to like subtly clue you in (as did Dana) and you just sent everyone's pms everywhere askjdfafaf I love you so much but Lily is a sinking ship and you are drowning with her

But for real, Dana leaking like that accidentally and creating the last minute chaos is really an Ashley's Idol 2.0 because I may be able to lie my way through this and hold onto Emily's trust at least for one round...or so...Who knows!

I recorded both of these before the vote and I just uploaded them

youtube

I recorded another one of me going crazy but honestly it's not cute and y'all would fear for my sanity so i'm not uploading it

Lily becomes the 9th person voted out of Athena All Stars in a 8-3-1 votes. You can see Lily’s preseason interview here.

After being voted out and placed on the jury, Lily decided to walk from jury. Charlotte, being the more recently voted out player, became the first member of the jury.

#NotAllFunAndGames

0 notes

nerdolopedia-blog · 7 years ago

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A Beginners Resource Guide to D&D 5th Edition - For New Players and Dungeon Masters

I have to remind myself on occasion that not everyone dives as much into the world of D&D on their free time as myself. I spend a ton of my time listening, watching, and reading different sources talking about rules, news, and DMing techniques. Even writing my articles causes me to consolidate my understanding of the game and improve upon it through my own writing. One could say I am absolutely obsessed with playing and running D&D.

Because of this I have run into a few individuals who don't know what it is that I am talking about when discussing a resource I have found for the game, or some blog/podcast that discusses these topics. The original rendition of this article was going to be a Dungeon Masters Resource Guide, but I realized that the line between DM and player when it came to resources was very blurred. So to anyone who is just joining the community or even just want to get a taste to see if it's for them I have one thing to say:

Welcome!

Community is the most important part of this hobby. My hope with this guide is to give you the resources you need to accomplish your goal. Even if you have never sat down at a table and picked up a character sheet this will give you everything you need to play the game, and more!

The Essentials

Before I can get into some of the niche resources I have to lay the groundwork. Everything in this section is the bare minimum you need to play and run a game of Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition (D&D 5e). The best part is that all of these are free or have a free alternative.

Basic Rules

Wizards of the Coast (WotC or Wizards), the folks who design and sell D&D, have provided the basic rules for the game free of charge on their website. The contents of these rules are the bare minimum that you will need both to play the game and the starting resources you will want as an upcoming Dungeon Master (DM).

Basic Rules - http://dnd.wizards.com/articles/features/basicrules

Character Sheets

As a new player you probably won't be jumping into creating your own character sheet templates (but who knows you might surprise me). Luckily you won't need the Players Handbook in order to get a copy. You can download all of the character sheets Wizards has designed for the game. There are a few alternatives and some that are form fillable for those that like to keep their character sheets digital. They also provide some pregenerated character sheets if you don't feel like creating one of your own.

Character Sheets - http://dnd.wizards.com/articles/features/character_sheets

Dice

This is the resource that many of us in the community treat like tattoos, you can't have just one set. While it is absolutely satisfying to have a physical set of dice to roll there are plenty of digital options. Some of the resources I will mention later even contain their own digital dice rollers. I am going to make the assumption first that you are playing with some friends in person and don't want to buy dice just yet. Both Android and Apple have free dice roller options. I will note that my recommendations for Apple are purely off of reviews and not experience, I don't use Apple products.

DnDice for Android - https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.christian.bar.dndice&hl=en

Dice Ex Machina for iOS - https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/dice-ex-machina/id410002278?mt=8

Really Nice to Have

Now if you have gotten the bug and are ready to really dive into the game you'll want more options. From here it's not guaranteed that things will be free, but if you are looking to get these then you are probably willing to drop some money, or add it to a wishlist.

Starter Set

As the name suggests this is for starters. This $20 box contains everything you need in order to play a full adventure. Inside is a set of dice, five pregenerated characters, a copy of the basic rules, and The Lost Mines of Phandelver adventure booklet. If you and your friends want to get into D&D this is a perfect way to go. This box is actually how I got my start into the game. For the price tag it has, this is an amazing deal for such an easy entrance into the game.

Starter Set - http://dnd.wizards.com/products/tabletop-games/rpg-products/rpg_starterset

Player's Handbook (PHB)

Every player buying into D&D will want to start with this. While most of the rules in this book are in the Basic Rules, the PHB contains a ton more classes, races, backgrounds, and the optional feat rules. It goes into more detail what the Basic Rules covered and has several amazing pieces of artwork. Having a physical copy of the book can be really useful, but Wizards does not offer a pdf version of the book.

Player's Handbook - http://dnd.wizards.com/products/tabletop-games/rpg-products/rpg_playershandbook

Roll20

If you don't have friends who live close but still want a resource that will help you all play together, then roll20 is the service for you. As a player this service requires no payments, as for DM's the base roll20 is free. However if you want some additional features (like dynamic lighting) then you will have to pay a subscription fee. Now I don't mean to make it sound like you are losing out without a subscription, I played with the free version for nearly a year. The best part about the service is that they partnered with Wizards to release some of their full adventures on the platform, with art assets included! You can use this service for your full D&D experience. And if D&D isn't your only type of game, they support many other game systems as well. It is really a service worth looking into.

Roll20.net - https://roll20.net/

D&D Beyond

For a member of the community that has several of the books already I do not actually recommend this product unless you want to buy the books a second time. That being said, if you are a person who prefers the pdf version of every book you get, then this is your only legal option. The bright side is that all of the source books are on this service and at a discount from their hard cover counterparts. This service also contains a character creation tool but is limited in the number of characters you can create. It is possible to run an entire campaign through the service. Their online tools are useful but they do come at a cost. If you don't mind paying for a few extra features then there is a subscription option.

D&D Beyond - https://www.dndbeyond.com/

Nice but Not Necessary

Some experienced individuals in the community might have reason to question my selections (or lack thereof) in the previous section. The following are nice tools but largely you can get away with not owning.

Dungeon Master's Screen

I have known some DM's who roll without one of these screens but I have to say that a screen can make magic happen. The dungeon master has the screen just like the Wizard of Oz has the curtain, to maintain the illusion of the game. Also to have some rules easily accessible. The sound of a DM rolling dice without the players being able to see the result is one of the more panic inducing events that can occur. It creates tension and allows the DM to modify things behind the scenes without making the players feel cheated to create a better experience. You can either purchase one or create your own. A group of my friends made me a custom DM screen that I use at all of my games, and it let me control the information that I put on the inside.

Dungeon Master's Screen - http://dnd.wizards.com/products/tabletop-games/rpg-products/dungeon-masters-screen

Monster Manual (MM)

If you haven't taken a look at the Basic DMs Guide in the first section then it might not be a surprise if you think this book is more necessary than it is. The truth of the Monster Manual is that it's a list of all the monsters that Wizards has designed stats for. Now when it comes to being a DM this book is nice to be able to flip through and find a monster to throw at your players especially if you are not experienced. Really the only difference between this list and the one in the Basic Rules is that there are a few more monsters, most of which are Wizards intellectual property monsters (Beholders, Illithids, etc). However as your career as a DM continues, you will find that you will be using this book far less than you started with.

Monster Manual - http://dnd.wizards.com/products/tabletop-games/rpg-products/monster-manual

Dungeon Master's Guide (DMG)

Now I use this book all the time, but probably not for what you are thinking. I don't want any new DM to get the wrong idea about this book. It is not useless, but it most definitely is not a How-To guide on Dungeon Mastering. In this book contains a number of resources that are incredibly useful for lazier DM's. There is an entire list of magic items and loot tables. It also contains a bunch of optional rules you can include at your table (many of which I use myself). While there is a guide in there on Dungeon Mastering it will not prepare you fully for the experience of Dungeon Mastering. This book is poorly organized, so reliance on this book is not recommended. This is the book you sit down with between sessions when you want a little extra help on flushing out your world and your sessions.

Dungeon Masters Guide - http://dnd.wizards.com/products/tabletop-games/rpg-products/dungeon-masters-guide

Volo's Guide to Monsters

If you enjoyed the Monster Manual but wish there was more lore and monsters then this is a book to pick up. The first half of the book contains lore on some of the traditional creatures of D&D. If you wanted a few more player race options, this book has them too. It even includes some monstrous player options so you can play that Goblin Wild Magic Sorcerer you always wanted to. The final half of the book contains an entire new set of monsters, and variations on monsters you are already familiar with. The artwork in this book is amazing, bringing to life some of the horrible creatures within.

Volo's Guide to Monsters - http://dnd.wizards.com/products/tabletop-games/rpg-products/volos-guide-to-monsters

Xanathar's Guide to Everything

Despite what the title says it is in fact not a guide to everything, but it sure does contain quite a bit. In it comes several new subclass options available for players and some rule clarifications (some that are much needed) for playing the game. After that comes the DM's toys. Quite literally. There is a whole section on common magic items that was woefully missing from the DMG. There is plenty of stuff in this book to keep you busy and add some much needed content to the game.

Xanathar's Guide to Everything - http://dnd.wizards.com/products/tabletop-games/rpg-products/xanathars-guide-everything

Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide (SCAG)

If you are a fan of the Forgotten Realms and want more information on the coast made famous by R.A. Salvatore's series on Drizzt, then this is the setting book for you. Most published adventures by Wizards contain the setting information you need, if you are not quite ready to make your own world but are ready to build your own story then this will be a helpful resource. In it also contains several subclasses and backgrounds specific to the Sword Coast. There are even a few more spells that you might find useful. Many of the subclasses were reprinted in Xanathar's and you can largely skip this book.

Sword Coast Adventurers Guide - http://dnd.wizards.com/products/tabletop-games/rpg-products/sc-adventurers-guide

Dungeon Masters Guild

Do the core Wizards source material for D&D not satisfy you enough? Do you want a specific class option that you just don't have the time or resources to make yourself? Well chances are that someone has done something close. Wizards of the Coast has done something marvelous and allowed amatuer creators to develop and sell their own D&D content through the DM's Guild. Most all of the content on this site contains homebrewed content, some of it is free, some are not. You can find new content ranging from adventures, to new races, and new classes and subclasses. If D&D doesn't have what you want, this is my suggestion for where to look for it next.

Dungeon Masters Guild - http://www.dmsguild.com/

Really Cool Tools

As a DM you will be spending more time on crafting your world and characters than actually plotting out sessions. Over time you will get tired of trying to come up with the names of NPC's or creating a town map for Generic Town #34. Here are some awesome resources I have found to aid you in your work.

Donjon

I wish the creator of this site would list himself on his website because this is by far one of the most useful websites I have ever come across for developing content in D&D. This has numerous generators for helping you flush out your world. If you always wanted an easier way to look through the list of magic items available in the Basic Rules, then this is the place to come. Seriously just take some time to look at what tools are available and you can lose yourself for hours here. If you made the site and are reading this, please contact me so I can give you proper credit for your fine job.

Donjon - https://donjon.bin.sh/

Fantasy Name Generator

If you have DMed for any amount of time and forgot to prepare an NPC's name just to have your players find them, talk to them, and then ask them their name, then this is a life saver. Heck this is a great tool for any amount of roleplaying you are doing, not just D&D or tabletop games. If you need a character name chances are this site has a generator just for that. Even if you don't like one of the names that comes up, you can take names that you like the gist of and modify it to how you want. It’s actually what I used for names for the novel I started writing.

Fantasy Name Generator - http://www.fantasynamegenerators.com/

Medieval Fantasy City Generator

Are you running out of time before you need a city map to present your players? If you aren't a cartographer then you might need a tool to give you a helping hand. While the tool is fairly basic it’s got some good customization options. If you have something specific in mind then this tool might not help you too much. If you have nothing to work off for a city, then you can quickly generate a map that is easy to read and explains what each section of the city is.

Medieval Fantasy City Generator - https://watabou.itch.io/medieval-fantasy-city-generator

Random Dungeon Generator

It might come as a surprise to you, it did for me while writing this, but Wizards of the Coast has their own online dungeon generator. While it might not be for 5e, this generator has a ton of customizability. It even generates a wandering monsters table. If you don't have time to set up a dungeon from start to finish this is a cool tool that can be used to kickstart your work and provide more detail to the rooms than its donjon counterpart.

Random Dungeon Generator - https://www.wizards.com/dnd/mapper/launcher.htm

For Content Creators

Some of you may get so involved in this game that you will start to develop your own content. Eventually you might even think about selling it. If you want to go this route then I have a few things you might want to check out first.

D&D's OGL and SRD

If you are going to publish anything D&D related you will first need to look at this. Not because its useful, but because this is legally required in order for you to do so. This contains all of the information you should need starting out when even thinking about your new product. Read over it and understand it, the last thing you want happening to you is getting contacted by the Wizards of the Coast legal team because you didn't read the fine print.

SRD and OGL - http://dnd.wizards.com/articles/features/systems-reference-document-srd

Homebrewery

Holy crap this tool is awesome. If you aren't really looking into publishing your content for sale but just want to make something nice looking quick for you and the internet, then this tool is a quick way to accomplish it. It requires a bit of understanding of Markdown, but overall I have used this to create many a homebrew project. Many of you that follow me may have even seen my work in it. It makes your homebrew look like it belongs in a Wizards source book.

Homebrewery - http://homebrewery.naturalcrit.com/

Podcasts

I could do an entire article on D&D podcasts alone, but I'm going to condense this one down to a few podcasts that will help you become a better Dungeon Master and/or Player.

Dungeon Masters Block

These are the guys that really got me going down the path of the Dungeon Master. They are incredibly knowledgeable as are the numerous guests they bring on board. Their show DMNastics is a great way to exercise your DMing skills. They are funny and incredible. Just listening to this will expose you to a ton of other D&D related podcasts and content.

Dungeon Masters Block - https://dungeonmasterblock.podbean.com/

GM Word of the Week

Even if you aren't a GM (Game Master) I totally recommend you listen to this podcast. You will learn a ton in just a few short episodes. Brian Casey (Fiddleback) and Scott Rehm (The Angry GM) put their time and research into producing this wonderful set of informational episodes. Each week they tackle a word and often go off on tangents talking about topics related to the word they describe. They have so many topics they even have Lost episodes where they cover topics they had to cut out of other episodes.

GM Word of the Week - https://www.gmwordoftheweek.com/

Digressions and Dragons

But I digress...as you often hear Fiddleback say in GM Word of the Week. This show is Fiddleback and Angry talking about whatever it is they want. However because they are so involved in tabletop gaming they tend to do a lot of talking about it in this show. Overall this is a highly entertaining "two guys talking" podcast.

Digressions and Dragons - http://digressionsanddragons.com/

Dragon Talk

If you want the latest news but can't catch their livestream on twitch Dragon Talk is the Wizards of the Coast official D&D podcast hosted by Greg Tito and Shelly Mazzanoble. They interview prominent figures in the world of D&D and the associated worlds with them. They have segments like "Lore you should know" where they talk about lore in D&D and "Sage Advice" where they interview Jeremy Crawford on the burning rules questions for D&D. Overall you can discover even more D&D related content and keep up on the latest news from this one podcast alone.

Dragon Talk - http://dnd.wizards.com/dragon-talk/podcast-hub

The RPG Academy

A collection of shows the folks at the Academy talk about a lot of interesting topics including advice for you playing and running games at your table. Their lineup of shows has something for everyone in the tabletop gaming community. The best part of this group is their yearly convention AcadeCon in Dayton, Ohio. The convention is small and hosted by these kind gentlemen making it a wonderful place to learn new games and talk to some rad individuals.

The RPG Academy - http://therpgacademy.com/

The Homebrew Cauldron

Now this is going to be my only self promotional plug. Here at Nerdolopedia we host a podcast dedicated to homebrew content for D&D 5e. We review and discuss various homebrews and topics. While it is a fairly new podcast, we have had plenty of awesome discussions so far. If you have made it here and haven't seen it, then please make sure to check it out. Self promotional plug over.

The Homebrew Cauldron - https://www.nerdolopedia.com/feed/podcast/homebrew-cauldron

Blogs/Articles

It is far easier to produce written word than it is to produce a fully fledged podcast or youtube video. While vlogs are basically blogs, I will reserve those for its own section.

Unearthed Arcana

This series of articles put out by Wizards is the site I probably visit the most. Their articles are on the latest content that Wizards is publicly playtesting. Many of the subclasses that appeared in Xanathar's appeared first in Unearthed Arcana. If you are unsatisfied by the amount of class and race options, this is another place to go. Be warned this is all playtesting material so make sure to get your DM's permission before using it at your table.

Unearthed Arcana - http://dnd.wizards.com/articles/unearthed-arcana

Sage Advice

Jeremy Crawford gets hammered with rules questions. Just look at his twitter. As the lead designer of D&D 5e, he puts out a series of articles answering the most asked rules questions he receives. He even keeps a document publicly available for all the questions he has answered. If you are in need of a rule clarification make sure to check out this set of articles first.

Sage Advice - http://dnd.wizards.com/articles/sage-advice

The Angry GM

A word of caution before heading over to Angry's site: he is called Angry for a reason. His personality may be off putting to a lot of people and his responses on twitter may be harsh, but he has a lot of solid advice and ideas in his articles. Often you will need to cut through the persona he has created to get the valuable information he presents. More often than not he has led me to question my own use of a set of rules or systems and how to use them better (or not use them at all). I really do suggest reading his work with a grain of salt. If what he suggests doesn't work for you, don't take it personally that he says you're wrong.

The Angry GM - http://theangrygm.com/

Tribality

Was the DM's Guild too much for you? Well Tribality has you covered. The numerous individuals over at Tribality have had their hand in designing games and settings for some time. Many of them play D&D and create their own content for the game. The site is filled with professionally made and designed homebrewed content. Going through their content is worth the dig.

Tribality - http://www.tribality.com/

Vlogs/YouTube

Some articles come in the form of videos. With the rise of YouTube you can find all kinds of advice on DMing and even reviews on the latest products. Here are some that I have found really useful.

Matt Colville

I have spent more than a few hours just watching episode after episode of Matt's advice. I have even used his videos to help teach new DM's certain techniques that take too long to write in a discord message on my phone. Matt's advice is helpful, not just because it's good advice, but he explains his reasoning behind his advice. He has some wonderful stories of his own experiences with D&D where he learned a valuable lesson.

Matt Colville - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkVdb9Yr8fc05_VbAVfskCA

Geek & Sundry

If you are familiar with Critical Role, then you are familiar (at least somewhat) with Geek & Sundry. Now they put out a lot of content that isn't related to D&D but my focus is actually going to be on the series of videos starring Matt Mercer and Satine Phoenix. Its GM Tips with [Insert Matt or Satine's name here]. They talk about much of the advice that you might catch on some of the other resources I have given you and even interview prominent GM's in the industry (Matt Colville was one of them). Their show is another way to learn some advice and learn about more people in the industry.

Geek & Sundry - https://www.youtube.com/user/geekandsundry

Nerd Immersion

While not strictly a YouTube channel, Ted over a Nerd Immersion has a wide array of subjects and nerdy content. On his YouTube channel however he covers some DM's advice along with reviews of the latest products. I managed to meet Ted at GenCon 50 and he is a pretty cool dude. Make sure to go give his channel some love.

Nerd Immersion - https://www.youtube.com/user/nerdimmersion

Encounter Roleplay

Will manages to play D&D as a full-time job. It’s no surprise why, his streams are wildly entertaining and he is an amazing Dungeon Master. Not only do they play a lot of D&D, Will also hosts a Learn by Play series where he explains his decision making process for DMing, and they even have a Beginner's Play series. While much of their content is just games, you can catch these educational gems.

Encounter Roleplay Stream - https://www.twitch.tv/encounterroleplay

Encounter Roleplay YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/c/encounterroleplay

Exploding Dice

Even though the show is hosted on twitch Askren uploads his show Fuzzy Dice to his YouTube channel. In Fuzzy Dice he interviews other members of the D&D community including other twitch streamers, designers, and more. As with other shows and podcasts this is another way to find other creators within the industry.

Exploding Dice Stream - https://www.twitch.tv/explodingdice

Fuzzy Dice Playlist - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9iGuM1hMPI&list=PLeHJ3viSmlZV9G43INT6zTZtKlrgjPcTh

Honorable Mentions

Some content I couldn't suggest as resource in their entirety either because of the content or the direction they took, but still felt they deserved to be recognized for their work.

DelveCast

I discovered these folks back when I started writing for the Mad Adventurers Society. While at first they started at deconstructing games to teach Nathan about tabletop gaming, it evolved into a show dedicated to talking with game designers. They make the honorable mentions for exposing works to the community and having awesome discussions with smart and talented people.

DelveCast - https://delvecast.com/

Neon Rival

This podcasting collective is fairly new, but they do a lot to the world of D&D podcasts. They have some of the best produced shows in the business and some of the funniest and most wonderful people I have ever met. They work make the community more inclusive while being entertaining. In one of their podcasts Godsfall, there is a buzzer that sounds when they get a rule wrong. It is this devotion to the game that has led many to re-enter or discover D&D that has landed them a position in the honorable mentions.

Neon Rival - http://neonrival.com/

The Mad Cleric

A member of the former Mad Adventurers Society, Jason’s blog is focused on his journey into AD&D. Since the edition of D&D is quite different from the current edition, it is Jason's desire to discuss the legacy and history by learning the game at its dawn that has earned him an honorable mention.

The Mad Cleric - http://madcleric.com/

Cannibal Halfling Gaming

Seamus Conneely and Aaron Marks blog is a great view into the mind of an ongoing tabletop gamers. They review several products, give adventure logs, and talk about conventions. They have wonderful stories and advice along with some cool insight into the products that exist out on the market which is what earned them an honorable mention. Seamus is also a member of the former Mad Adventurers and even keeps links on his website linking to all the former members of the Mad Adventurers current works. I want to say thanks for including us!

Cannibal Halfling Gaming - https://cannibalhalflinggaming.com/

The Mad Adventurers Society

While this would normally be listed in the resource blogs, sadly the group was disbanded in 2016. At the time of this writing the site is in Archive mode, so much of its content is still available to read. Unfortunately it is only a matter of time until the site disappears. It is for this reason that it made it to the honorable mentions.

The Mad Adventurers Society Archive - http://www.madadventurers.com/

What is Missing?

I know there are several resources I am missing as there is a ton of wonderful content for this community. If you have any resources that you think should be added, make sure to comment them! I will be adding a consolidated resource list over in our Tales from the Tavern section of the website. If you comment other resources I will try to add them to that list after I look through them.

You can find me on twitter @your1_nightmare. If you enjoy the material on this site please consider supporting us! If you think I missed something or you would like me to cover something specific make sure to leave a comment below or contact me on twitter.

#Resources #D&D 5e #Dungeon Masters #Players #Blogs #Podcasts #Articles #Wizards of the Coast

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