#I may gif Jensen's face frequently

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

A Place To Call Home: Home

Summary: The reader stops by her parents place unannounced looking for a few things and delivers some news that will change their family forever...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x foster daughter!reader

Word Count: 7,500ish

Warnings: language

A/N #1: Takes place ~4 months after The Video & The House timestamp... 

A/N #2: Oh, I’ve gotten so much joy from writing this series and watching these characters and relationships blossom into so much more. I plan for this to be the final timestamp for this series. Thank you for all the support this one has been shown and enjoy!...

“Hi dad,” you said, walking straight into their house, heading for the basement stairs. “You still got all the old kid clothes from when the other guys were little, right?”

“Yes,” he said, hopping up from his seat and following you down the hall and the stairs. “Y/N.”

“I need the clothes and some toys,” you said, already flipping on the light and walking the shelves. “Maybe some other stuff. I might stop back later tonight.”

“You guys babysitting for a friend or something?” he asked. You paused, his brow furrowing. “Talk to me, tall munchkin. What’s going on?”

“It’s a long story,” you said, finding two boxes with baby clothes and grabbing them, your dad taking one from your arms as you headed upstairs.

“Y/N,” he said, following you out to your car where you shoved them in your backseat. “Y/N. Slow down.”

“Dad, it is a really, really long story,” you said.

“I got all the time in the world,” he said. You leaned your head back and closed your eyes, opening them to see a whole lot of concern in his. “Kiddo.”

“...Short version? About three months ago TJ and I were out for dinner downtown. We were walking back to our car and we cut through an alley cause it was pouring rain out and we were trying to get back to the garage we parked in faster. We found a kid, this baby. It was crying pretty quiet in this cardboard box by the dumpster. It was a newborn, like, brand new newborn. We got her someplace safe and even shorter story, as of about ten minutes ago, we’re her foster parents,” you said.

He stared at you, blinking slowly, lips moving a few times but nothing came out.

“She’s going to be over in like an hour and I want to have the house ready as much as possible,” you said. “Dad, can I go?”

“You’re a foster parent?” he asked quietly.

“It’s like I said, long story. Just can I have the stuff and go for right now?” you asked. He nodded, shutting the backdoor for you. “Thanks.”

You weren’t expecting him to get in the passenger seat but maybe he simply wanted to help move the boxes for you. You were in your driveway in under a minute, setting the boxes down inside when you caught sight of TJ putting together a portable crib.

“You guys are fosters?” said your dad again as you started to unpack a few things.

“Yup,” said TJ, groaning at the crib. “I hate this thing.”

“Turn the piece the other way,” said your dad. TJ did and it popped into place, TJ giving him a grateful look as he worked on the other side. “Fosters?”

“Is there an echo? Yes,” you said, separating out the clothes.

“You’re barely 25. You’re a foster parent? Both of you?” he asked. You lifted your head up, staring him down.

“Dad. I never understood, not all the way, how you could have loved me unconditionally right away. I just...I didn’t think I would ever understand that. I know you said you always knew but I always thought you were being nice because how could you really love someone right away like that? Then we met Allie three months ago. Immediately, I understood. The second we found out she was going into foster care, we signed up. We don’t know why we love her so much and it frankly scares the shit out of me and him over there but we love that kid. There is some kind of connection to her. I don’t care if we’re only 25. We’re old enough and we’ll give her a safe place to grow up in,” you said.

“Oh God. You want to adopt her, don’t you?” he said, his face blank as he looked between the two of you.

“Yeah, I do,” you said.

“Me too,” said TJ, working on the last piece of the crib.

“Like I said...we love her,” you said.

“Okay. Okay,” said your dad, a gentle smile on his face. “Mom and I will help you. Give me a second, lot to take in at once.”

“Well when you stop freaking out, we need to start baby proofing pronto,” you said, taking out some clothes and tossing them in a pile for the wash.

“Uh, sure, I’m on it,” he said, taking off when you pointed him upstairs. He was nearly all the way up when he came back down and gave you a big hug.

“Dad,” you groaned.

“You understand,” he said. You nodded, a soft smile crossing his face. “It’s really scary, huh?”

“Yeah,” you said, returning it as TJ finished up. “You don’t love me any different than if I was your own kid.”

“You are my own kid,” he said, forcing himself away. “Okay, I’m on picking up anything bad. Call your mom, she’s out at the store with the other guys right now. She can grab instant formula. How old’s Allie again?”

“About three months. She’s a little small…” you trailed off, looking to TJ.

“Someone tried to throw her away after she was born. She had a rough first few days,” said TJ. Your dad froze for a moment, your own face scrunching up. “Yeah. We don’t get it either.”

“Well it sounds like she’ll do just fine with you two around,” he said. “Give me a shout if you need me to do something else.”

“Alright,” you said, spinning around the kitchen. “House is good and clothes are clean and food is here and crib done and we got tons of diapers and we’re gonna need a crash course on diaper changes but I think we have everything to survive tonight. I think.”

“You sound like a true mom,” said your mom with a small laugh, JJ watching the other guys back at home. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest when the doorbell rang, TJ grabbing your hand as he pulled you over and opened the door.

“Hi guys,” said Cole, holding a baby carrier in one hand, a curious little Allie tucked inside, black tuft of hair like TJ’s jutting out from under her pink hat.

“Cole?” you said. “I thought Allie’s case worker was-”

“Hey kid. You think when I heard my old foster was a parent I was letting that one slip past me?” he said, stepping inside, carefully setting down the carrier and giving you a hug. “Allie, this is Y/N and her husband, TJ. Me and Y/N go way back to when she was just ten years old. It took awhile but I finally got her hooked up with an awesome family. I think you cutie patootie are gonna hit the jackpot with just your second home you lucky girl.”

“How is she?” you asked.

“Good. She’s you know, got that classic sass this family thrives off of so she’ll fit in just fine,” he said.

“Can I…” asked TJ, almost reaching down for her but pausing, Cole chuckling to himself.

“Yeah. I got to take the carrier back anyways,” said Cole. TJ bent down and carefully picked her up, Allie laying her head on his shoulder and shutting her eyes. “We had a long drive over. I think she likes you TJ.”

“Hi Allie,” he said softly, one of her hands fisting in his shirt. “You look so good and healthy now, baby girl.”

He started to walk around with her, lost in his own little world as you watched with Cole.

“Always knew that kid would be a good dad,” said your own, he and your mom stepping around the corner.

“Jensen, Danneel. It’s been a while. Bet you didn’t think you’d be grandparents so soon, huh?” teased Cole.

“I’m not even fifty,” said your dad, running his hand through his hair with a laugh. “Must run in the family or something.”

“Yes, it does,” said Cole, turning back to you. “Alright, so the process is going to be a little bit different than when you were a kid Y/N. Different hoops to jump through.”

“We don’t care,” you said with a nod.

“Fostering is one thing, adoption is another,” he said.

“I understand that. But I am going to be that little girl’s mother. I don’t care how hard it is,” you said.

“I know. I got to say it to all my first time fosters looking to adopt, just something I do,” he said.

“He did it to us too,” said your mom.

“I will be checking in on you guys on a regular schedule. I’ll be doing unannounced visits. They may be frequent, they may not be. My best interest is that of the child. I know you want this. I know you’ve grown quite a bit since the last time we saw one another. I have no doubts that you and TJ will love Allie like she’s your own. It’s just the process we have to go through. I’m not going to freak out on you if you’re not perfect parents. They don’t exist, trust me. Even these two over here. A safe and loving home is what I expect and I am confident you could do that in your sleep. Okay?” asked Cole.

“Okay,” you said.

“TJ?” he asked.

“Okay,” he said, carrying Allie over, handing her to you.

“Hey,” said your dad, giving Allie a tiny wave as you held her. She giggled, smiling at him. “I’m your grandpa, Jensen, and you are adorable. But you can call me Jay.”

“You got some time to figure out the name, grandpa,” said your mom, Allie booping her nose when she leaned in. “She’s got hair just like TJ and look at those eyes. You got eyes like your new mama.”

“Her name...how do you name a baby when something like that happens?” asked your dad when Allie turned her attention back to TJ and smiled at him.

“Ask these two, they were calling her baby Allie when the paramedics got there. The name stuck apparently,” said Cole.

“Allie?” asked your dad, you mom breaking out into a quiet giggle.

“Allie. They found her in an alley, Jens. Allie,” she said.

“Thank god she wasn’t found at a 7/11,” he said. You laughed, Allie trying to mimic the sound, big eyes staring up at you. “Oh, she is smitten with you.”

“She’s not the only one.”

Two Months Later

“Y/N?” your dad yawned on the other end of the line. It was three in the morning and you knew you shouldn’t have called but you were sleep deprived and TJ wasn’t home and you just needed some help. “Kiddo?”

“Can you please come over?” you breathed out.

“I’ll be right there. Is Allie okay? You okay?” he asked, the sound of a door opening in the background.

“Yeah,” you whispered, Allie screaming her head off again straight in your other ear. “Please.”

“Alright. I’m in the garage. I’ll be there in just a minute,” he said.

About sixty seconds later, you heard him pull in and walk through the front door in a t shirt and boxers. You were sitting on the couch, Allie still shouting, your dad frowning when he saw you.

“She won’t stop. I don’t know...TJ always knows and he’s away at that work conference…” you said, tears prickling in the corners of your eyes. “I’m just so tired.”

“When’s the last time you slept?” he asked, picking Allie up and bouncing her on his hip lightly as he started to walk around.

“I don’t know,” you said, rubbing your wet face. “Tuesday?”

“Go to bed,” he said. “Now.”

“No, no. I just-”

“I wasn’t asking. Go to bed. You’re crying and upset because you’re exhausted. I got Allie,” he said.

“Why won’t she stop?” you said as you stood up, holding out your arms for her.

“Hey, tall munchkin,” he said, getting you to pause for a moment. “I know you’re scared something’s wrong. I know. She’s being cranky right now is all. I guarantee she misses her daddy and that’s what it is. Daddy hasn’t been gone this long before.”

“How do I make it stop then?” you mumbled.

“You go sleep. I got her,” he said, booping her nose as she continued to shout. “Come on Allie. Let’s go take mommy’s car for a drive. I bet you love getting middle of the night car rides. All you lil guys do.”

“Dad, I can-”

“Bed. Please. Turn off your alarm. I’m staying over tonight and you’re not going to work tomorrow,” he said. “Boss man said it’s okay.”

“What if Cole drops by tomorrow...I can’t...I-”

“Honey,” he said, Allie red in the face at this point. “Nobody does it alone if they don’t have to and you don’t have to. You got a whole family behind you. TJ being gone this week, we should have offered in advance.”

“I would have said I was fine,” you said.

“I know,” he said with a smile. “Please go rest, Y/N. Please.”

You nodded and gave Allie a kiss goodnight when she took a moment to get more air back in her lungs to keep shouting. It got quiet as he took her outside and you heard your car start up. You wear barely in bed with the covers over you before you passed out.

You wearily woke up around noon, not remembering the last time you had slept that long. It was before Allie came along for sure. You stretched as you sat up, finding some clothes that smelled cleaned and tossed them on. Downstairs you found your favorite lunch sandwich from the place near the brewery in the fridge, a plate of cookies on the counter along with a bottle of wine and a note on top.

Allie’s ours for the day. You can swing by our place at six for dinner but until then, take some time for you, kiddo.

“I owe you guys one,” you said, scratching your head.

“Hey,” you said, walking into the house just before six, Arrow running around the corner holding up a finger to her lips. She pointed at the couch and you looked over the edge, your dad fast asleep with Allie passed out on his chest.

“Those two have been playing and playing all day,” said your mom from the kitchen.

“Thanks for watching her today,” you said.

“I helped!” said Arrow. “I even changed her diaper.”

“Thanks sis,” you said. “You’re a good Aunt.”

“I’m ten,” she deadpanned.

“Still Allie’s Aunt,” you teased. “So what’s for dinner?”

“Barbecue and mac & cheese,” said Arrow.

“Sounds perfect,” you said, taking a seat at the kitchen counter. Arrow took off when she heard Zeppelin call for her, your mom shrugging at his obliviousness to the pair sleeping nearby.

“Eh, Allie’s a deep sleeper. She tuckered your dad right out. He didn’t sleep much last night,” she said.

“I didn’t mean to ruin his sleep too,” you said, resting your head in your hand, propping your elbow against the counter. She smiled, leaning over the edge. “I know. You didn’t mean it like that.”

“Some nights...they just scream and shout and you want to help ‘em but you don’t know what to do. Some nights, you just gotta let ‘em get it out of their system,” she said.

“Dad said she missed TJ probably. That didn’t even cross my mind,” you said.

“Because you were too tired to realize you miss him yourself,” she said.

“Yeah. She’s a daddy’s girl. She always calms down for him,” you said.

“Sounds like someone else,” she said.

“I know. JJ’s such a daddy’s girl,” you said with a smirk.

“Well yes but I meant you, silly,” she said.

“Me? I am not a daddy’s girl. Have you met me?” you said with a laugh.

“He’s still wrapped around your finger,” she said.

“No he’s not,” you said.

“It’s not a bad thing, your dad being one of your best friends,” she said with a smile. “It’s got it’s perks for sure.”

“...I think I scared him last night,” you said. “Calling like that.”

“You should have seen him with JJ. She was four months old, he’d just gotten a red eye home from work. 16 hour day, hadn’t slept the night before because of some neighbor dog sitting the chihuahua from Hell he called it. He’d been awake like...over forty hours at that point. I had the flu so I couldn’t handle JJ and she just went off just as he was going to bed. That was not a good night for him or anyone really. So we left her in her crib after the usual stuff and she eventually stopped and she just wanted attention we figured out. She was learning to test mom and dad out,” she said.

“So babies are cute little evil pooping machines?” you asked.

“Yup,” she said.

“She’s pretty cute though,” you said.

“Yeah she is.”

You heard your dad stir, an adorable giggle coming from over there as he sat up.

“They awaken,” said your mom. “Want me to order the food?”

“Yes please,” he yawned, standing up and carrying over Allie, letting her sit on his lap when he sat down beside you. “You look better.”

“You got me cookies,” you said. “And wine.”

“You can have that later,” he teased, Allie looking up at him. “You gonna behave yourself tonight little missy and let your mommy get some sleep? She misses TJ too ya know. Don’t see her crying about it.”

“It’s okay to miss your dad,” you said, tilting your head at them both. “You still don’t look like a grandpa.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” he laughed, handing over Allie to you.

“Hi sweetums,” you said, Allie smiling and reaching for you, pulling your thumb to her mouth to suck on.

“You got a paci around here somewhere,” said your mom, spinning around and grabbing one off the counter while she was on hold, handing it over along with a towel.

“Thanks,” you said, trading off with Allie, a little look of contentment on her face. You cleaned yourself off, Allie playing with it for a moment. “Dad.”

“You’re a good mom, kiddo,” he said.

“I was just...do you think we’re too young?” you asked.

“No. Being a good parent has nothing to do with age. You would know that,” he said. “Got a call from Cole earlier actually. They’re moving on to the interviewing family stage. They’re gonna come talk to all of us. Adoption shouldn’t be too too long now.”

“I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing,” you said.

“You never really will,” he said. “Fake it til you make it.”

“I didn’t want to be a mom so soon you know,” you said.

“Maybe not but you want to be her mom and that’s what matters,” he said.

“When does the wisdom part come?” you joked.

“Eventually,” he said. “You’ll have the hang of it by the time this one is in need of some advice.”

“Thanks for taking her last night,” you said.

“S’no problem. I know how to deal with an upset little Ackles girl,” he teased. “Hanover girl I should say.”

“You just wanted time with grandpa,” you said.

“I am too young to be grandpa,” he said, tickling one of Allie’s feet as she played with them. “Next time, just call before we get to the breaking point, okay kiddo?”

“Yeah, cause that’s totally me,” you said.

“Well it’s hard to be perfect like your old man,” he said, your mom whacking his arm as she walked by. “Hey, so I picked up a new job.”

“What’s it about?” you asked.

“It’s a rom com,” he said.

“You’re gonna be in a rom com?” you teased. “Oh, that is great. Oh, that is-“

“It’s a horror movie,” said your mom, whacking him again. “Oh my...still on hold.”

“Don’t spoil it for her!” he said.

“Let me guess, you’re the bad guy,” you said.

“No...maybe...act surprised anyways,” he said. “And I really am doing a rom com!”

“Since when?” said your mom, starting to laugh when she took off and started ordering.

“You’re doing a rom com? Wow,” you teased. “Allie, maybe you can watch that one with me.”

“Jared’s gonna do it with me. We get to film right here in Austin. Should be a lot of fun,” he said.

“Well that’s good. So is it really a rom com?” you asked.

“More rom drama? It’s a story, about a guy,” he said. “He’s a dad. Single dad. Meets a girl and all that.”

“Sounds sweet,” you said.

“It’ll be fun. Looking for a set designer if you’re interested again,” he said.

“I would. But the brewery keeps me busy enough along with this gal,” you said.

“I figured as much,” he said, Allie playing with one of his fingers. “I know. You’re adorable, aren’t you?”

“Cole said we can rename her if we want once the adoption is getting final. TJ and I were thinking of middle names,” you said.

“Well you got the Allie Hanover part figured out,” he said.

“TJ thought something with a J. She could maybe go by AJ sometimes too,” you said.

“Well there’s lots of pretty J names to pick from,” he said.

“We were thinking Jay,” you said. “After you. I know JJ has it too but...we liked the sound of it.”

“I think that’s pretty...and means more to me than you realize,” he said, taking Allie’s feet in his hands and giving them a light squeeze. “I guess that cements it now kid. You’re stuck with us crazies for life.”

“I don’t think she minds,” you said.

“I certainly hope not,” said TJ. You spun around in your chair with a smile, TJ a little tired looking under his baseball hat as he snuck in through the back door. “Surprise!”

“You’re not supposed to be home until tomorrow!” you said, standing up and getting a hug and kiss, TJ taking Allie from you and giving her a big hug as well.

“Well I was planning on surprising you and then your parents told me there’d be free barbecue for dinner so naturally I rushed back as fast as I could. I heard my baby girl missed me last night,” he said, Allie trying to give him a kiss. “I love you too.”

“Now she’s an angel,” you said, as you sat back down leaning back in your chair.

“Oh she’s always an angel,” said TJ, bending down to give you a better kiss. “You doing okay today?”

“Yeah,” you hummed, TJ rubbing a hand over your head. “Needed a little help was all. Missed you.”

“Missed you too, dork,” he said, kissing the top of your head. “Mind if I run home to shower quick before dinner? I can grab the food along the way.”

“No, no. You take your shower and come back. I got the food,” said your dad. “Enjoy your girls.”

“Thanks,” said TJ. “I’ll be back in ten.”

“Okay. See you soon, TJ.”

Two Years Later

You giggled as you took a photo of TJ passed out on the couch, Allie taking up the other half and using his legs as a pillow. Little two month old Colin was fast asleep on TJ’s chest and your parents one year old dog, Toby, found a space near TJ’s head to get in on the cuddle with. You picked Colin up after a moment and put him in his portable crib beside them, giving your boy a kiss before wandering outside to your parents backyard where they were having a fire with your siblings.

“We thought you might have fallen in,” teased your dad.

“Just checking on the sleepy crew. They all seem pretty content,” you said, plopping down in your chair between the twins. Zeppelin started talking about school again, your dad smirking when Kylie came up in the conversation. It was clear it was his first crush but your dad didn’t say anything aside maybe he could drop him and Kylie off to go see a movie sometime. You smiled, JJ adamantly refusing that she liked anyone when pressed. You knew there was a boy, a certain Padalecki boy, that she liked. You’d only caught them out on their first date and all.

God, she was terrified you and TJ would tell on her and Tom. You promised to keep it a secret for now, knowing neither of your parents would have a problem with it, knowing that there’d been a running joke for years now about which kids were going to end up together.

“What about you Arrow? You caught the love bug yet or you still my precious baby girl?” asked your dad.

“You’ve met the boys in our grade. Not exactly prime material to work with there,” she said. You had to stifle a laugh, somehow amazed at the range of maturity she had despite being barely twelve.

“Oh, I know who Ro likes,” said Zeppelin with a smirk. “Or used to.”

“You would never betray twin code,” she scoffed. “You like being alive too much.”

“He’s your older brother. He just likes to mess with you,” you said. “Zeppelin knows which sibling to really fear.”

“TJ?” he laughed. You narrowed your eyes, Zeppelin shrugging. “Technically, he’s our brother.”

“TJ’s been around forever,” said Arrow. You looked over at your mom who was whispering something to your dad, the both of them staring at you when it finally clicked.

“Is it really? Today?” you asked.

“It only took you long enough to figure it out!” said your dad, your mom giggling beside him. “Nice to know how much it means to her.”

“What?” asked the twins, JJ tilting her head.

“I know you’re in on it. You three are horrible liars,” you said, the twins breaking out into smiles before they reached under their chairs and pulled out two presents.

“Happy ten years with us, kiddo,” said your dad.

“Flew by to be honest,” you said, getting handed three more presents. You leaned back in your chair, looking at the fire. “I still think about that day I came here sometimes. Zeppelin gave me his doggie.”

You ruffled his hair, Zeppelin shy for a moment.

“Arrow and JJ have me those obnoxious pink pajamas,” you said, both of them shaking their heads. “And you guys have me a home.”

“Well we didn’t get you a home this time. Open it up,” said your dad. “In order.”

“In order huh,” you said, finding the first one with a label on it in the dim light. You peeled off the wrapping paper, finding a baseball tee inside. “For that family baseball game coming up I assume?”

“Mhm. Keep going,” he said. The second present had a pair of flannel pajama pants, the third a cozy looking sweatshirt.

The fourth made you pause. You pulled out a sketchbook, not one you would buy in a normal store. It was meant for architecture design, room by room sketches.

You set the book down, going to the last item. A pair of keys.

“You bought a house,” you said.

“All the Ackles pitched in. It’s going to be a vacation house for everyone to use, pass down through the years. It needs a whole renovation done though. We thought maybe our resident architects would like to design it for the family,” said your dad.

“Yeah, we’d love to. We’re gonna want input from everybody,” you said, giving your pile of goodies a smile. “Still got me a home this time.”

“Almost like we planned it all out or something,” said your mom.

“I can’t believe I let myself be adopted by you two,” you laughed.

“It’s kind of funny,” said JJ, looking at the fire. “How stuff works out.”

“You having a moment?” said your dad, leaning forward in his seat. “I got ten years of experience in this just so you know.”

“How did you not run away from these losers?” she joked, quickly wincing. “Sorry.”

“S’okay. I came back,” you said.

“You ran away? said Zeppelin. “Yeah, right.”

“She did! She was a little popsicle when I found her. Froze my own ass off that night looking for her,” said your dad.

“Language,” said your mom.

“Oh they’re twelve. We said thirteen. Close enough,” he said.

“Alright but no repeating anything out of your degenerate of a father’s mouth,” she said.

“Thank you. As I was saying, that sucked and she didn’t do it again. Well, I caught her in the driveway once but it was May at least that time and she’d had a rough day,” he said.

“Why would you ever want to run away?” asked Zeppelin.

“Because I was scared, of a lot,” you said. “I said some pretty horrible things back then.”

“I don’t really remember it that way,” said your mom.

“I remember watching Zepp and he smacked his head on the floor,” you said.

“Is that why you’re so ugly?” asked Arrow with such a straight face, your dad burst out laughing.

“Oh, I miss when they were little but look at the little sarcastic monsters we created,” he said.

“Your father is so proud,” said your mom, shaking her head. “Zeppelin, you were fine. Not sure we ever even told you about that.”

“I guess I just don’t get why though. Not in a bad way, just ya know?” said Zepp.

“Hey. Y/N don’t have to tell us anything she doesn’t want to,” said JJ.

“Says the one who gets to know stuff,” he said.

“I know the same as you guys,” she said.

“Guys,” you said, your three younger siblings turning to you. “Do you guys remember when I told you how we found Allie?”

“Yeah,” said JJ.

“For about seven years, that’s what my life felt like. Like someone left me alone to get by. Except it was worse than that. If you are afraid for seven years, it takes time to learn not to be afraid. I’ve spent the past ten doing that. Ten years ago, I honestly believed every one of you was better off without me. Maybe you were, maybe you weren’t. I just know I can’t ever explain it and I know you guys wonder what bad stuff happened to me in foster care but it doesn’t matter. You know what did happen to me in foster care? I found two dorky little sisters and a dorky little brother and two dorks for parents and even Icarus and now Toby and I got grandma and grandpa and grandma and grandpa again and our Aunts and Uncles and cousins and the Pads and a whole lot more people. I was alone. Then I wasn’t. I had nobody and then I got adopted. I found a family in foster care. That’s what happened,” you said.

“Yeah but what happened?” asked Arrow. You shook your head and laughed, your dad shrugging.

“You’re supposed to be all emotional and moved and all that now, Arrow. The point your sister is making-“

“You get to know, dad,” said JJ.

“Well what do you want to know?” you asked.

“I just wanted to know if you were, you know, happy,” she said. “Before us.”

“There were moments,” you said with a smile. “My first boyfriend made me happy. Doing well in school made me happy. I used to draw a lot. I got pretty good. Cole was always very kind to me. He used to take me out for fun days, get me out of my houses whenever he knew I was getting in a funk.”

“I don’t remember Cole doing that,” said your mom.

“Well after a few months here, he mentioned it, like we would after he did a normal check in and...we both decided I didn’t need ‘em anymore,” you said.

“I still can’t believe you ever thought Cole wouldn’t think you and TJ should have Allie,” she said.

“He’s seen me at my worst,” you said.

“And he’s seen how far you’ve come,” said your dad. “We don’t worry about this one running away anymore.”

“You guys are alright,” you said, stretching out your arms. “Hey, I think we should make some smores.”

“Do we have stuff?” asked your mom.

“I do at my house,” you said.

“Sounds like we’re about to have some smores in about ten minutes,” said your dad, hopping up from his seat. “We’ll be right back.”

You followed around the yard and out to the street, walking quietly on the December night.

“Here,” he said, shrugging out of his jacket, putting it on you. “Not as warm away from the fire.”

“Thanks,” you said, feeling like you were swimming in it. You got halfway to the corner before you stopped and looked over at him, his pace stilling. You gave him a hug, taking a deep breath. “Thanks, dad.”

“No. Thank you, tall munchkin,” he said, squishing you too tight for a moment. “I love you so much.”

“You have equally sappy moments like this with the other guys, right?” you asked.

“Yeah. Even TJ,” he said. “Even Arrow is getting into it. The boy she likes is apparently dating Sarah Jenkins and Sarah was mean to Arrow in History right in front of him and he didn’t say anything. She felt so bad.”

“She didn’t tell me,” you said.

“Eh, she’s still in that phase of not wanting to deal with that stuff yet which is fine with me. I’m sure she’ll be just like JJ and Zepp, running to you, you giving us the pertinent information,” he said.

“I do not,” you laughed. “I ain’t snitching unless I think I need to which I don’t.”

“JJ and Tom are so dating aren’t they,” he said with a big smile.

“They are best friends...who happen to enjoy kissing each other. Trust me, those two are miles and miles away from even figuring out what second base is,” you said.

“Because that’s an image I want of those two in my head,” he said, shaking his own.

“I literally have two kids. One of which came out of me. I would hope you know how babies are made,” you said.

“Nope. The stork dropped off Colin. Positive on that,” he said.

“You’re such a loser,” you said, rolling your eyes.

“I learned it from you,” he said, bumping your shoulder as you started to walk again. “But yes, all three are starting to grow up, starting to have those conversations with us.”

“What about TJ? I know you two do your guy stuff and have little man dates,” you said, getting a light ruffle of your hair for that.

“The boy wants to give you the world. He is smitten and then some. I understand that feeling. Sometimes I just remind him though to let you take care of him too. He’s a pretty special guy after all,” he said.

“Yes, he is,” you said, rounding the corner, slowing your pace some. “I still don’t know why he likes me.”

“He sees what we all wish you could see all the time,” he said. “I know that’s not how your head works though. But we’ll keep reminding you how great you are.”

“Really?” you scoffed. “I’m not anything special.”

“What?” he asked, voice smaller than you were used to hearing, making your head whip around. “You are great. I know you don’t think you are all the time but you do most of the time, don’t you?”

“I don’t think I’m great,” you laughed.

“Well, that’s because you’re humble. But…” he trailed off.

“Most of the time, I’m happy,” you said. “I promise.”

“Good,” he said.

“Dad,” you said, slowing your pace even further. “Not to get morbid…”

“Continue,” he chuckled.

“TJ and I, with Colin being born now...we’re going to change our will, if something ever happens to us,” you said.

“We will take care of them both,” he said. “You never have to ask that.”

“I know. I have a slightly different one to ask though. If for some reason, we’re gone and you guys are gone and...and everybody’s gone...and...we just don’t want the kids to get separated from their family, or each other,” you said.

“You want to do what we did with you,” he said with a smile. “And what we recently did with JJ.”

“Anything happens to all of us and she was old enough, I mean she’s 15 already, do you think she’d be okay with taking them in?” you asked.

“She loves her little niece and nephew. I am fully confident she’d be okay with it,” he said. “I know it sucks to have to think about this stuff but we’ll always make sure Allie and Colin stay with us.”

“If something happened-”

“If something happened on what would be the worst day of my life, those two are taken care of,” he said. “I promise.”

“Well, I’m not planning on dying anytime soon,” you said with a smile.

“Good. You’re not allowed to go first. Kids don’t go before the parents. It’s one of the rules,” he said.

“Like you got to stick around until 102?” you teased.

“I’m keeping up my end of it so far,” he said. “You keep up yours, deal?”

“Deal,” you said, jumping left into the road when you saw something crawling on the ground.

“Oh my…” he said, bending down and picking you up, a smile on your face at how strong and fit he still was for being fifty. “Did I not just say you can’t die? Like, don’t go jumping straight into the road.”

“First off, our neighborhood is quiet. Second, that is a big ass spider,” you said. He spun around, spotting the black ball move around.

“That’s just a squirrel,” he said, leaning in closer. It crawled further out so the street light caught it. He took off with you down the block. “Not a squirrel, not a squirrel.”

“Told you!” you laughed, getting a ride all the way to your house. He set you down inside, smiling when he saw a new batch of pictures of Allie and Colin together on the fridge.

“Hey kiddo?” he asked as you gathered up the stuff and tossed it in a bag.

“Yeah?” you asked, tying it up and switching off the kitchen light.

“You guys want to crash at our place tonight?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you said. “They’re all passed out anyways. If you don’t mind.”

“We never will,” he said. You headed outside and locked up, back to walking along the street, avoiding where you’d seen the spider and curving around the bend back to the house. “So, any big plans for your birthday next week? Somebody turns 27.”

“No. Mom said she was planning it all, just something small at home like normal,” you said.

“Reach in your left pocket,” he said. You shoved your hand in his jacket, pulling out an envelope. You stilled when you got to a street light and flipped it over.

Ten Years

“What’s this?” you asked, holding it up.

“You didn’t think I just wrote a letter the day you came here and the day you were adopted and the day you were married and the day Allie was adopted and the day you had Colin and...honestly you should not be surprised at my letters anymore, kiddo,” he teased.

“How many more are there?” you asked, carefully feeling the envelope, a few sheets of something handwritten inside you could tell.

“Where’s the fun in that?” he asked.

“I don’t need a letter to know I love you,” you said.

“Well I’m sorry but I got a whole lot of letters written up to hand out someday,” he said.

“Dad. When did you write this?” you asked. He shrugged. “Dad.”

“Day after you got adopted,” he said.

“You’re not allowed to be this sappy,” you said, running your hands over your face, pulling them away with a smile. You put the envelope back in your jean pocket and gave back the jacket when you were nearly there. “Come on, let’s go do smores old man.”

“Night,” yawned your dad, locking up after everyone went in for the night. Allie had woken up and settled herself at the other end of the couch more comfortably, TJ in a different position now. They both had blankets so you figured to leave them be, Colin still happily asleep beside them. You had your letter in hand as you headed for your old room, your dad checking the locks around the house, following you to the garage door, quickly walking past the open door of your room to head for bed.

“Dad?” you said. He hummed as he walked back into the doorframe, giving you a sleepy smile. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” he said.

“Check your right pocket,” you said. He tilted his head and reached his hand in his jacket pocket, pulling out a light blue envelope.

“Dad,” he read. “What’s this?”

“It’s your letter, silly,” you said. “I know what today is, dad. Mom found hers this morning.”

“Found what?” he asked, flipping it over, smirking at it as he saw what was written on the back. “You always write me sappy letters so I thought I’d write you one because today is the tenth year of you being my dad. Fair warning, you’re gonna cry cause this is so cute. Thank you for not giving up on me in the same spot you’re standing in ten years ago when I told you to. I can never repay you and mom for all you did. I love you.”

He pursed his lips and cleared his throat, lifting his head up with a smile.

“You never have to, kiddo. Never,” he said.

“I know. But I thought I’d tell you anyways,” you said. “The letter is so much worse by the way. Ugly tears kind of stuff.”

“You don’t hurt so much anymore, right?” he breathed out, nodding his head. “Right?”

“Yeah,” you said. “So much better than ten years ago. Ten years from now, I bet I’ll be even better.”

“Good,” he said, nodding his head. “Good. Let’s do this again in ten years?”

“Okay,” you said. “All the way to a hundred and two.”

“Stop making me cry or I’ll ground you,” he said, wiping his face with the back of his hand as he nodded.

“You can’t ground me,” you said, stepping over and giving him a hug.

“I could try,” he said, kissing the top of your head. “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Night, dad. Thank you. For everything.”

A/N: Check out the Christmas Vacation timestamp here!

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

13x20 “Unfinished Business” Mirror Mirror on the Wall, May We Get a Doppelgänger Story After All? - A Dean Heavy “Review” of 13x20 “Unfinished Business”

As the title of this meta/spec already states this episode analysis for lack of a better word will focus on Dean most since him and his arc have always been what interested me most about SPN and lately kind of truly has become the only reason I still watch the show. I will however later on in this piece also talk about the other characters and bits of the episode that stood out to me. But forefront with this piece definitely definitely is Dean.

And to talk a bit more about him and his role within the latest episode I decided to go with the bit captured as the gifset above, because to me Dean’s drinking this episode served as a visual cue not just for the entirety of his mindset within the episode, but more general too and how it may contribute to what lies ahead for him.

We have seen Dean’s drinking become a bit more frequent again the past few episodes, but it has been quite a while if memory serves right that we have seen Dean drink from the flask as earlier in the episode.

In fact, I think the last time Dean had drunk from it on screen was at the beginning of the season during the “therapy session”. To me that actually nicely closes a cycle, because to me it seems that Dean’s depression and absolute readiness to lay his head to rest is at an all time high again after it had subsided slightly after Cas returned. Nothing drove Dean’s tiredness and his wish for things to just be “over soon” home like the ending scene.

If this episode cemented one thing for me, it is that Dean is tired, he is done and he knows that something is coming for him. And not just due to Billie’s ominous words. To me it seems Dean knows more than he lets on and that he has a plan, because to me the whole framing of Dean this episode especially called back to S5 when Dean was about to say yes to Michael. Now, I don’t suggest that that is happening now (could also be Dean’s wound from the AU indeed is causing more issues or he made some other deal or just knows he’ll sacrifice himself no matter what, because he is tired and yes, tired Dean seemed all episode, tired and done), but it certainly could fit with other parts of the episode that served as major Dean mirrors imo this episode.

One of the big Dean mirrors imo was Kevin Tran (btw I think this episode marked Osric’s best SPN performance to date - really he deserves some standing ovations for this). Because while Dean on the surface looks more “put together” and he hides it behind a mask and stance of “annoyance” and “gruffness”, to me the way we see Kevin here is actually how it looks within Dean as well. And Kevin’s entire speech about never having believed in anything until the end of the world happened and everyone around him started to die. And then God chosing him and he not even being able to fathom what that means and how he had hoped that Michael would save the world, but ended up doing the opposite. All of that to me aligns very well with Dean’s own story too. We know that Dean has always struggled with having faith or believing that “good things do happen” and just like Kevin him and his brother experienced that everyone around them dies. And then just in S11 God again chose Dean, told him the world would be save in his and his brother’s hands (even if he left), because Dean is the firewall between light and darkness and Dean too wondered “what the hell that would even mean”. So yeah, to me their struggles here line up perfectly and to me it might hint at Dean making a deal (maybe with Michael or with someone/something else) in which he would offer himself up (compare that also to Jack’s “What’s the point if I can’t keep them safe?”) for the safety of his loved ones and the world. And especially this piece of dialogue here where Kevin is framed as a christ figure with the cross in the back felt ominously close to how the season may end...

That even if the Winchesters may win some at the end, they may lose more [as a brief side note here: tbh I was so angry about Dabb having the audacity to now use this rework of what should have been Crowley’s last words and that were so important to Mark Sheppard and cut them in the end only to bring them back now in reversal, because really to me it shows a lot about what kind of people the people are that are currently running the show, I find it disgusting, but anywho...]

And even though I still don’t think Michael!Dean is truly what will end up being the case I have to admit if they wanted to with the Kevin parallel (And as captured above the amount of halo shots with Dean this episode, the above is just one of many would fit to that - the shot actually also reminded of this one

in 9x21 “King of the Damned” where Dean also “sidelined” Sam to keep him save. So while last episode didn’t give me any feelings on Dean being back to MoC!Dean ways, this decision of his felt ominous and foreboding - I personally think in the end Dean will either yield the archangel blade or the Lance of Michael or will die/be wounded by one of those) this episode to me they laid enough groundwork to assume that maybe Dean has already “made contact” with Michael and agreed to something and offering himself up. Because it may not be about dying as Kevin told Jack, but about breaking a person enough for them to give themselves up due to the guilt they may feel (”You don’t know the things I have done” is a line that Demon!Dean for example used just like Kevin) and the lack of options they see for themselves to go on. And while Kevin dies here not for the greater good, but because he is at the end of his rope, I could see something similar happen with Dean only that it would be more of an action for the greater good (and btw the toy soldier in the AU to me also called back perfectly not just to the one stuck in the ashtray of the Impala, but to Dean himself, who was always reffered to as “a good little soldier”, a “blunt instrument” - really the writing in this regard and how it diminishes Dean as a person, but treats him like an object goes a long way back and fits to the whole vessel theme).

So Kevin’s death here rather rings some alarm bells of how bad it is going to get in the last 3 episodes. [as another brief side note here, I felt it rather unnescessary of them to show Jack’s wings here, because well, we have already known he has them for a while, this just seemed a little “hello causal viewer just so you KNOW” and well, I dislike things of that kind so... Plus: Can’t also say I love that they now also turned Mary’s words to Dean into a new thing here with an angel now watching over Mary (more on her a bit later as well). Seriosuly, yawnnnn, I don’t need that. It isn’t sweet or touching but just ughhh to me, but then again I am just not a fan of Dabb’s showrunning, so...]   And the other Dean mirrors in the episode didn’t make that feeling go away at all, but rather strengthened that bad stuff lies ahead. Because to me the other huge Dean mirror was Gabriel/Loki.

I had talked about the aspect of doppelgängers and the two halves of each person a lot before during the MoC arc and especially in relation to Dean’s arc in comparison to Charlie and Dark!Charlie and it seems to me that entire thread the show revisited with Gabriel going after his “alter ego” Loki. We basically got another doppelgänger story here in which someone has to face a side of “himself” he may not like as Gabriel told Dean about in this moment.

and well, I personally have always headcanoned and hoped the show would go this route with Dean after the mark was removed, because to me Dean was left “in pieces” after that and still isn’t whole again (which is why I always liked the idea of story where Dean puts himself back together again in a similar fashion as Sam did in S6 as I talked about also in one the last asks I replied to). Now, what to me made the Gabriel/Loki thing a possible Dean mirror or rather piece of foreshadowing is (and yeah it might be a bit farfetched, but hey this is spec and it is mean to just throw ideas around) how one could argue Michael or Lucifer are “doppelgängers” of the Winchesters, because they serve as counterparts as vessels so to speak. Looking at Gabriel’s “witness protection”-stunt and the way he points at Dean here. Of course it is meant as “you are right”, but to me this episode just heavily suggested that maybe we’ll get some sort of Dean in “witness protection” as well of some sort. Because why the hell put so much time into exploring this whole deal with Gabriel so late in the season if not to use it in some fashion (okay, of course it could be they don’t do anything further with it lol it is Dabb after all, and so far it also seems the wound was the same thing - both would be a shame if not further used imo)?

So to me there exists potential in a possible doppelgänger!Dean arc at the end of the season, because, well... didn’t anybody else think Loki’s clothing seemed awfully fitting to those we saw from BTS pics of Jensen?

Just era wise... It’s very little to go on, but I could imagine some sort of scenario in which Dean does something really dangerous in order to save the world so that he would need such “protection” (Hell, who says that Dean didn’t strike a deal with the trickster if not Michael or some other powerful being?) and hence the Non!Dean pictures? Even the trickster’s entire conversation with Dean and how he granted Gabriel this protection (if walking away from his family to me would absolutely align and fit with Dean “preparing” Sam for him to not be around for much longer and maybe not due to death, but something else) would fit into Dean’s arc.

In this regard I also found Gabriel’s tale about how he met Loki rather interesting as to me it felt also a fitting parallel to Michael in the cage. Gabriel said he had stumbled upon Loki bound in a cave while hiking the fjords while a snake spewed venom into Loki’s eyes. If you ask me you could also read this as Michael trapped in the cage where he was driven insane by Lucifer (commonly depicted as also the snake). So what if Dean saved Michael from the cage somehow just like Gabriel saved Loki? What if he owed Dean one and they made a deal? In any case to me this whole set up of facing up against yourself or “someone who wears your face”, your alter ego, dark side, shadow self, however you want to call it, could also nicely lead into a Michael against Michael scenario with all of the text and subtext in this episode...

And last but not least in relation to Dean’s talk with the trickster, something that stood out to me again was the topic of “John Winchster”.

It’s not the first time he came up this season and I have always said that Dean would need another “good bye” to truly let his father’s ghost rest (though what are the chances for that to happen with Heaven going out of business - though I suppose they’ll use Jack to power up Heaven again - unless the allusions and revisit of Crowley’s words were meant to put Jack as new Ruler of Hell, which I doubt).

So... I said this before, but I truly think that by the end of this season we will get a JDM scene of some sort - even if it just lasts for 10 seconds. Maybe it’ll be tied to Dean dying/close to dying or being in the veil or tied to Mary possibly dying and seeing him again or just simply due to all ghosts/souls crashing to Earth with Heaven falling lol. Which brings me to the other bits and characters of the episode that I want to briefly write about, I’ll do that behind the cut. But I have to say it seems whatever will happen with Dean, I get the feeling it will be heavy - sad thing is they could have built all of it up better over the whole season - maybe then I actually would have liked at least some of it lol, but yeah... I hope against hope for good things for Dean!Girls. What are the odds though...

Anyway, on to the rest with a few cliffnotes on other parts of the episode I liked/disliked/that stood out to me:

First and foremost I need to briefly mention Mary here and her whole regret/pain/guilt thing. I mean, it’s nice to know she finally realized she made mistakes, but sadly the show ruined her character so much for me that these scenes here where she was all “motherly” just enraged me, because really after this here

I wanted to scream: You didn’t lose any boys, you fucking abandoned them for a whole season!!! So yeah, not a fan of the Mary scenes at all, they felt cheap to me.

Something else I also greatly disliked was the tone shift in the episode between the worlds. I get that they wanted to be a bit Tarantino with everything Gabriel, but really to me this stuff doesn’t work. Not anymore. It just feels like SPN is a parody of itself at those times. And it’s a shame because I actually really loved Richard Speight’s acting as Loki/Gabriel. His anger, etc. was spot on. Though really, him suffering for 8 years... Please, compare that to Dean and 40 years in Hell or Sam with almost 120 years in the cage. Suck it up, Gabriel! ;P

And last but not least for a shot I really liked lol, because, well, Sam and Dean are literally Gabriel’s wings uhm wingmen here. ;)

Other than that I liked the episode. But probably only because of the focus I read into it in regards to Dean which may not end up being anything at all lol. But yeah, Jensen’s acting/my worry about Dean surely carried me through this episode.