#I make them for myself primarily but if what I do brightens another person's day then that makes me even more happy 🥹

[wildstar25]

Hello and happy one day until Halloween [:

I’ve been scrolling through your wol posting tag and I absolutely adore Arsay and her throuple with g’raha and y’shtola <3 I was curious, in your canon, what is Raha’s and Shtola’s relationship like without Arsay there and how has it changed over time? Would they count themselves as partners or just partners of Arsay?

Thank you so much for sharing your amazing gposes and artwork for your wol!! It has been a delight to look through. Have a great day [:

omg Thank you!!🥹 I love my catte throuple so much and it's so nice to hear other people like them and the posts I make about them too! That's a really good question. I can't seem to recall making a post about it since being caught up with the msq, so thank you for asking!

This ended up being quite long so I've place it under a read more haha apologies for rambling so much! As well, Happy halloween o/

Initially Shtola and Raha both considered themselves partners to Arsay first and foremost. They both cared for Arsay deeply and agreed to this poly situation because, after everything she's done for them, they wanted to do something for her that would make her happy. I also like to believe because they started off on the wrong foot, it took time for the two to build up trust in each other.

I have many side thoughts about how Raha held himself back while he lived out the persona of the Crystal Exarch, how his hesitance to the relationship caused Arsay to get upset, and how Y'shtola essentially saved the whole polycule very early on by telling the Exarch to get his head out of his ass stop living dishonestly and start thinking about what he really wants to do with his life. How that gave him the spark to think about the possibility of transferring his memories over to the version of himself on the source, since this version of him will never be free from the tower's grasp.

By the time everyone returns to the first, Raha and Shtola consider themselves trusted friends and deeply respect the importance they both have to Arsay. No words about it are exchanged, but there's a mutual understanding that for as long as this can go on for the three of them, it will. Shtola and Raha actually end up spending casual time together in the Rising Stones while Arsay is off doing warrior of light stuff. Turns out they actually have a lot to talk about together. Mostly about magical studies, but Y'shtola strikes me as someone who would be mildly curious to know of the event that took place in the timeline they erased, and Raha for sure would have loved to learn about Y'shtola's involvement in the warring triad stuff and the alexander raids. Plus they can theorize about history and mysteries of both the first and the source! By the time Endwalker starts, Arsay has noticed everyone seems a lot more comfortable with each other. She started asking to spend time all together more often then not. There was no real objections to this surprisingly. They all settle into a consistent dynamic around each other pretty naturally. If you were to ask Raha or Shtola how they defined their relationship at that point they would probably say they were just Arsay's partners and leave it at that. Ask Arsay and she might let slip how she caught the two snuggled up to each other while they were reading on the couch at her apartment.

[end of endwalker 6.0 spoilers from this point]

The next shift between the two is while on the Ragnarok waiting for Arsay to regain consciousness. I have a particular scene in my head which i cant gpose out since I don't have access to the environment so here it is described: --

Y'shtola has placed herself against the wall of the ship, shifting from pose to pose doing her best to contain her nervous energy. They did all that they could to seal up as many of Arsay's wounds as possible. Still it was impossible to tell just how much blood Arsay had split prior to her arrival. What Y'shtola could see is that Arsay's aether was unbelievably weak, having been all but spent in a final clash with (presumably) Zenos. For all Y'shtola knew, Arsay's body arrived to them too late. Her head began to spiral at the thought. So much so that she had failed to notice G'raha had torn himself from Arsay's side to stand next to her. He looked at Y'shtola with a pitiful face, eyes puffy and red, lips pressed into a trembling frown. Neither of them had the wherewithal to speak at this point, and Y'shtola most certainly did not want to. Twelve forbid if a single being on that ship heard her voice shake or crack even the slightest. Instead, G'raha timidly put his hand around Y'shtola's and held it. It was a small gesture, something he'd often do whenever Arsay looked in need of support. It was a comfort to her, to hold hands with a loved one. The two stood together in silence. Their gazes fixed on to Arsay's motionless figure laying in the centre of the room. Y'shtola squeezed G'raha's hand ever so slightly. Holding on to someone you love was a great comfort indeed.

-- Perhaps its not an as romantically charged love, but its love! Shtola and Raha are part of Arsay's tribe and they've come to care deeply for each other. Again, I do not believe either would readily admit to those feelings publicly, but in private conversation with Arsay it's obvious how fond of each other they have become. (this is also when shtola and raha begin feeling more comfortable being intimate together with Arsay >w> she is notorious for doing everything for her partner and not really letting herself be focused on. The two of them work as a team to make sure arsay gets some attention *nods* )

And, imo?, their closeness is kinda backed up by the endwalker patch content where G'raha already knew where to find Y'shtola and did not hesitate to get her for the treasure hunt. And then many of the proceeding patches has Y'shtola saying in passing that she's been in constant communication with G'raha. okay yes im not delusional, I know they are brought up because of them having relevance to the things happening or being done in the plot but still! The way the dialogue is phrased I can't help but put my wolship glasses on lol. I figure Raha and Shtola keep pretty consistent contact even when they are busy doing their own thing, same as Arsay does with them. The most recent development for my wolship is that by 6.5, they are all pretty much married to each other. Unofficially, that is. No ceremony is held or anything of that vein. It was more that they all finally managed to say out loud how much they want to be in each other's lives no matter where the future takes them.

Eventually I picture the three of them getting a proper house together. Arsay surprises G'raha by importing a bunch of furnishings from the crystarium, and dedicates an entire room just for Y'shtola's book collection. She also brings back some flowers native to the Greatwoods for decoration. Until then though home is wherever they are together!

So yeah! thats the break down of grah and shtola part of graharshtola!

thank you for reading, asking the question, and sending such a sweet message about my blorbos. Hope you have a fantastic day <3

[benevolent-dictator]

Late Night Thoughts on Dan and Phil: Fond Memories and Little More

     Before I get into the meat of this post, I want to include what I believe to be a critical preamble if one is to understand the bulk of this essay (and please understand, I use the term “essay” very loosely here. As you’ll quickly come to realize, it is more a haphazard collection of thoughts strung together in a more of less cohesive format). It’s important I lay out explicitly what this post is as opposed to what it is not: namely, the intent of this post is to act as a sort of analytical essay delineating my thoughts and opinions on the famous Youtubers Dan Howell’s and Amazingphil’s entertainment value rather than the merit of their characters themselves (and how I believe - for me personally - their entertainment value to have stagnated). 

     I feel this important to clarify because typically, when reading online analyses of internet personalities, critiques tend to fall into one of two camps: 1) value judgments placed upon a creator’s work/entertainment, or 2) value judgments placed upon a creator’s moral character. The perfect example of these two camps in action can be found in Lilly Singh and Jake Paul. Regardless of your own personal feelings surrounding the two online creators, I believe it fair to say the vast majority of criticism allotted to them illustrate the two camps rather nicely. For example, a not insignificant amount of people tend to dislike Lilly Singh for her lackluster entertainment value, i.e. the content she uploads to YouTube/broadcasts on her late night show. Although there does exist some backlash towards her standing as a moral actor (or lack thereof), when you enter her name into Youtube’s search feature, six out of the first ten recommended videos are all criticisms directed at how “unfunny” she is. Jake Paul, on the other hand, demonstrates the other school of thought: criticizing moral standing over entertainment value. Again, regardless of your personal views on Jake Paul’s character, it is undeniable that the vast majority of the backlash he receives centers around the immorality of his actions rather than how, “mundane” or “lackluster” his content. Therefore, I want to clarify that I am in no way attempting to use this post to discredit either Dan or Phil’s character. Instead, I wish to share my thoughts on their entertainment value as creators, and how - for me - I no longer find myself enchanted with their content. 

     Additionally, throughout the course of this post you’ll find that I often refer to Dan and Phil as a collective. I understand how this remains a point of contention throughout the fandom, for it remains a sad truth that oftentimes Phil (despite being his own autonomous individual/entertainer) gets lumped in with Dan who - in terms of subscriber count and sheer volume of fans - remains the more successful of the two. It is not my intent to relegate Phil to Dan’s shadow - rather, I find that many of the critiques I have for one cross-apply to the other, hence my frequent use of “Dan and Phil” instead of just Dan or just Phil.   

      Lastly, I would like to get ahead of the curve (should it ever arise) and placate the masses now while I have the opportunity. It is not my intent - and nor has it ever been my intent with any online criticisms - to disparage not only the creator, but their fans. I understand that there is still a thriving community of fans centered around the entertainment Dan and Phil put forth, and it is not my goal to shame anyone for their likes and preferences, or even to try to change your minds. This is not meant to be a persuasive essay: simply an analytical one (granted, one primarily propped up by my own biased opinions over statistical data, but I hope you are able to take the sum total of my assessments with a grain of salt and understand that just as you are welcome and encouraged to share your thoughts on the matter, I wish to be afforded that same generosity).  

     Now with that very important preamble out of the way (which, if you decided to skim, I would highly encourage you to go back and read it in full, for I believe it to have some rather crucial groundwork laid out) we can delve into the heart of the matter. In order to do so, I think it important to establish my background on this subject matter. Dan Howell was the first Youtuber I ever watched. I was still extremely new to YouTube as a platform at the time, and I remember scrolling through my homepage until I stumbled across a video titled, “Human Interaction.” From there, I was hooked. There really isn’t much to say from there; I immediately fell over myself watching video after video of his and, in the process, quickly discovered his flatmate Phil’s channel (or as we know him, Amazingphil). From the years 2013 to about late 2017 they were my all-time favorite Youtubers. As the years wore on I only subscribed to about ten other Youtubers because I felt so strongly that no other creator could capture the magic of what Dan and Phil uploaded. I watched all their videos, bought their merch, and, when the opportunity arose, even went to the Amazing Tour is Not on Fire. I still remember that night (seeing Dan and Phil burst on stage out of a giant prop microwave) as one of the happiest live-performance experiences of my life. My apathy towards both did not spring forth born out out of some heinous act either committed. Rather, it was a steady, almost innocuous decline. I feel as though I simply grew out of them. And here is where my first, and pretty much only real critique comes to light; both Dan and Phil’s content have remained stagnate. 

     Please do not misunderstand: I realize that Youtubers are real people, and to demand growth and change out of people who have arguably settled into who they want to be as adults would be rather unfair. Dan and Phil are not characters on a tv show - I don’t get to shake my fist at my laptop screen and gripe about “poor character arcs” or “slow seasons.” Dan and Phil are flesh and blood - they are not playing characters in a fictional universe. Sure, arguably all Youtubers (and any online persona) “put on a face” for the camera, but there’s a world of difference between, “forcing myself to be extra chipper for the next hour,” and acting out a character in a Hollywood writer’s script. On the one hand, there is a part of me that is happy Dan and Phil (after so many years of struggling with their identities) finally found happiness in themselves. However, if you’ll remember back to what I said in the preamble, that is not the point of this essay. 

     My apathy towards Dan and Phil lies not with their moral characters, but with their entertainment value, and for me personally, I find it hard to be entertained by what I find to be the same old content I was laughing at in 2013 repackaged into new scenarios and re-uploaded in 2020. Dan and Phil’s prize content was their ability to be so relatable. For Dan especially, I loved hearing him talk about how awkward he was around other people because that’s how I felt around the people in my own life. However, that did not last. I eventually grew out of my awkwardness and found a multitude of friends that I was able to be myself around, and in turn take that confidence I felt around them and project it onto others that came into my life, regardless of how well I knew them. Dan, as well as Phil, had lost the one thing that drew me to them in the first place: their ability to be relatable. Even so, during the latter half of the years during which I continued to watch their videos, there was something else that kept me around: their humor. I thought they were wonderfully funny, and even during my darkest hours I knew I could count on them to brighten my day. Yet, as the years I went by, I noticed that the subject matter of their humor remained pretty much the same as well. Most of their punchlines centered around the same handful of premises (for example, Dan joking about how black his soul is), and like I stated earlier, I had begun to grow tired of the stagnation. 

     One last time, I would like to recognize that what one person might call “stagnation” another would call “finding a niche,” and I respect that. Many people would argue that Dan and Phil simply stumbled across a specific niche years ago and have been fulfilling that hole glamorously nearly a decade later, and to that I say that’s wonderful! I think that’s a perfectly valid viewpoint to take! It just so happens that I do not share that same perspective.

     One of the many indicators in which I feel you can physically see how unchanged their videos have become is in Phil’s (it’s hard to judge Dan’s progression since his last video was uploaded about a year ago as of this post’s uploading). As of mid-2020, Phil’s editing has remained largely unchanged. He still uses the same sound effects, the same visual cues, the same editing tools, and after nearly a decade of watching, I’ve just begun to find it all stale. Even his video concepts remain largely unchanged. I understand that if he’s uploading much of the same content over years that must mean he’s making the content he wants to make, and I am happy he’s reached that point, but it is not the content for me. 

     All in all, this was a terribly long post that I had considered writing for a while now, and regardless if anyone even reads it, I figure, “Hey - I’ve written it, it’s off my chest, and now I can finally rest in peace.” I no longer find Dan and Phil relatable for the person I have grown into. I in no way regret all the years I spent loving their content and laughing at their antics. But when you look at Dan’s Tweets from around 2014 to now and see that his jokes have remained fairly unvaried, as have Phil’s, I no longer feel a connection to the two as I once had. Lastly, I do want to say that these opinions of mine are not solidified. Yes, this is how I feel now, and it is how I’ve felt for quite some time, but please do not mistake my current stance for me digging my heels in the sand to declare, “No! I have sworn off Dan and Phil and I shall never partake in their content again!” No, of course not! I’m always open to change, and if Dan and Phil suddenly take an enjoyable creative turn, I’d be happy to take a look. And what’s more, I’m a sucker for nostalgia, so I can definitely see myself popping on YouTube to watch an old Dan video or two, or an old Phil video or two, or a gaming channel video or two, or whatever! They will always leave me with fond memories - memories I will take with me for years to come.

[jxckspxcer]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER.

Can be used to get to know a bit about the person behind the screen!

TAGGED BY: @skulldxddy​​ AYYYEEEE TAGGING: @pcrticlvcid​, @flos-timore​, @ofspoons​, @chainsxwsmile​, @builtperil​, uhhH YALL

1. FIRST NAME: Adrian

2. STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: I collect hats. I own 54 hats. I wear like 4 of those.

3. TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON: This HARD. On one hand bein ace doesn’t mean I can’t think people are attractive, on the other I experience all things in extremes so most people are really boring to look at to the point I never remember any details about their appearance (”like my hair cut?” “you.... you got a hair cut?”), or they’re very very noteworthy and I can no longer function in their presence (cause i wanna stare at them but thattts weird). 

But lemme tell ya, I compliment people regularly, so here’s 3 things I notice and point out about people: Cool Hair, Unique Aesthetic (fashion, be it a singular accessory or every goth/gnc i ever meet--), Height (tols impress). 

4. A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF: Sushi probably.

5. A FOOD YOU HATE: Mushrooms. Neurhg,,,

6. GUILTY PLEASURE: the devils lettuce................ And idk K-D.rama? 

7. WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: Depends on the temperature. COLD: Leggings, pajama pants, sweater, beanie. HOT: shorts tanktop.

8. SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS: uHGHUHGH,,, every relationship I’ve ever had was short and terrible. let’s go with fliiings! thats what I need in my life. a commitment free cuddle buddy. 

9. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE: You know there’s a lot of shit in my past that can’t be stopped, but RECENT PAST? WHY DID I SPEND ALL MY SCHOLARSHIP MONEY LIKE I DID. I COULDA MADE HELLA SAVINGS!! I WAS GETTING 5K A SEMESTER!! AND I SPENT IT! ON! FOOD AND SHIT! i had a job at the same time, my parents were still working, I do not see why I was spending any of that semester money man I smh I oughta kick my past selves a ss.... 

10. ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON: I yearn to be. I’m incredibly repressed and insecure currently, and I’m not sure if that’s going to change when I’m less depressed or if I’m gonna have to rebuild that skill. But I used to be the kind of person to hold hands with my best friend, snuggle during sleepovers, give hugs and kisses, sit close and link arms, generally just be super cuddly-- It’s how I like to be, but I think at some point I just started to assume people didn’t like it so I stopped. SUCKs Butt. 

11. A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN: I watched mimzy over and over again as a kid, but nowadays, none, no, I can’t, I don’t have that aTTENTION SPAN--- 

12. FAVORITE BOOK: UHhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,,,, i have not read a book in a while, my old favorite book might not be as good as I remember. 

13. YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE: Raccoon. 

14. TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL]: Lets go nonxs based on my recent media consumption--- Chel.lDOS (redemption tailoring), Zifeng/Yanuo, Kirk/Spock, HarleyQ/KickinAss, UhHhh, okay and ClayJack my ultimate Jack ship I will crave for infinity...

15. PIE OR CAKE: Cake. Cheesecake specifically, but CAKE. Pie only has so many flavors I’ll actually eat. 

16. FAVORITE SCENT: OOHhh GoDdd... I’m doing aromatherapy right now (another strange fact), so there’s a lot of good scents in my life... I really like sweets? Like I have a cotton candy body mist, and I like my smores candles.

17. CELEBRITY CRUSH: UHhhh....... UHHHHHH????? That feeling when you are so far out of the cult of celebrity.... Like I know some, mostly ones from Marvel, but I wouldn’t call em crushes. Can I say Whoopi Goldberg in the Sister Act? She was really pretty in that movie (so was the red haired nun). And I really liked those movies as a kid. 

18. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO: The easy one to say would be Japan.... but to visit some of my online friends would be even better! Honestly, I find just going grocery shopping with my friend to be an adventure, I am sure visiting any of my friends in their hometowns, be they cities or small towns, I would find every day exciting. I have deep puppy energies. 

19. INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT: Introvert. I get so tired, my friend has told me to take a nap mid-party before. But like, as you hear, I love parties. I super love socializing, but oof I do get drained. If I could sit with people, no-energy, no-obligation, free to chat or chill, that’d be the dream. And I have a lot of those with my best friend, except with the minor energy obligation of transportation and sometimes other people....

20. DO YOU SCARE EASILY: Incredibly. I’m a huge baby, incredibly squeamish, easily startled, easily paranoid. I’m scared of the dark still, I don’t watch horror movies unless the monster is sexy. 

21. IPHONE OR ANDROID: fuck em both, i still have iphone

22. DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES: I’m primarily a simulator/rpg/sandbox kind of gamer. Animal Crossing, Minecraft, WoW, Starbound, Sims 4... Yeah. I can’t even play Mario or Left 4 Dead very well but like I like them?? Game with meee, I don’t do that much, it would be fun tho,,,

23. DREAM JOB: If I’m god damn honest I hate the idea of a job deep down in my soul. Call it bein’ lazy but man I want my life to involve somethin more than making money to survive, that’s all I’ve ever done and I’d like to stop. But being able to help others, being a resource, brightening peoples day, being involved in something that enriches the world somehow. These kind of things make a good fit for work, and if it pays good, and I can build a routine around a solid schedule, then I guess I could live with whatever. 

24. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS: Do the math for how much I need to survive for the rest of my life, bare minimum style, then cushion that a little. Buy myself and my friends some nice things. Start giving money to strangers. Funnel it into important things that need to get paid for. Quit my job, travel, get extensive therapy, join fucking causes I wish I had the physical & mental resources for now, finally be able to put my passion into things again. Lmao money can’t buy happiness my a s s.

25. FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE: hmmmmmmm........ hate it such a strong word. I just keep thinking of characters I LOVE to hate or like characters who are obviously hateable (intolerable villains). But I wanna pick one I genuinely dislike, deep down, for reasons. 

Lum.py from HTF,,, I just don’t like his design next to the rest. I mean I haven’t watched HTF in literal years but he came to mind.

26. FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER: The Walking Dead / Game. Zombies just don’t really ??? click with me unless they have a gimmick now.

[mysticsparklewings]

Fairy Enchanting‪

A bit later than I expected, but here we have the art that I used for the examples on my Commission Sheet! (Unoriginal title is unoriginal and also a pun based on "very enchanting") When I started thinking about putting together a commission sheet in the first place (which was something I wanted to do for the new year, as before I was just using a lengthy pricelist), I knew that I wanted to make a piece of art specifically for it and track my progress as I went, so that I would have an example for each stage in the process I take commissions for. And for the art, I more or less wanted to "go all out" since it's supposed to be an example, and I figure the example needs to be as close to top-notch as possible. Admittedly, I probably could've done even more than this, but me being me I procrastinated and ended up having less time to work on this that I initially expected, so... In deciding what the drawing would be, I also decided to return to my roots a little, and a do fairy as an homage to back when I used to do Winx art all the time. Likewise, as Enchantix to this day is my favorite transformation from the show, I drew heavy inspiration from it, and I'm sure that's so obvious that if you know the show I probably didn't have to point it out to you. Anyway. I actually didn't start completely from scratch with the sketch; I re-used this pose from a previous sketch I did that never saw a full-finished piece. I liked that other sketch okay, but it didn't feel like a "finish me" project. I did have to alter the feet because the original sketch was made with feet for ballet slippers (bigger heels, more rounded/curved toes, etc.) and much later on in the process I ended up angling the leg on the left more outward, as that felt more natural for the direction I was taking this new sketch in. In sketching all the bits that make this sketch otherwise unique from the old one, as I mentioned, I was taking heavy inspiration from Enchantix. One of my favorite parts of the transformation has always been the leg-wrap/barefoot sandals, for reasons I can't explain. So those were a must. I also really like how the Enchantix outfits tend to be short dresses that are more form-fitting at the top and more flowy and soft at the bottom. Here, I decided to bring the ribbony look on the leg wraps up into the bodice, and to frame the collar/shoulder area I used a sleeve & choker style similar to what I did for the dress for Ink Dance, which itself was based on a dress I actually own and love to pieces despite never getting a chance to wear it because of how fancy it is. The main difference for both of the drawing versions is that I skipped the lace overlay that connects the sleeves and choker, mostly because both pieces are traditional and drawing lace/mesh traditionally, especially when it's so teeny, is a nightmare I do not want to engage with. And the choker part fits nicely, as in Enchantix each fairy has a necklace (usually a choker) that holds their fairy dust bottle. I'm not sure if this fairy has one or not, but she very well could! Enchantix usually has long gloves, but I altered these to be shorter and fingerless (more like Magic Winx or Believix gloves) since this fairy is also based partially on myself, and I'd be more likely to wear that kind than the full-length formal gloves. And for the hair, as is maybe obvious, I was primarily inspired by Stella's for her Enchantix, since I've always loved that part of the transformation sequence for her's. Also, even though it doesn't look that way on my commission sheet, IRL I drew only one wing and left it separate, off to the side, to make positioning and flipping it easier. Once the sketch was done, I did try inking it traditionally/by hand once, and I just really wasn't happy with how it turned out. And I also realized I had drawn the skirt billowing/ruffling in completely the wrong direction anyway; It was moving to the left when it should've been moving to the right like the hair. So I had to take time out to fix that. As opposed to wasting more paper trying to ink traditionally after that fiasco, I instead went with what had been my gut instinct anyway; I scanned the sketch in and did the lines in Photoshop. Well, most of the lines. I was a dumb-dumb and when I did the lines for the wings, 1. it took forever because they're large curves everywhere and 2. I used a slightly bigger brush than for all the other lines, as I had mistakenly thought I was going to be re-sizing them significantly and the lines would be altered to for me when I did that. When I realized that wasn't the case, I did not want to have to redraw most of those curves again and risk not being able to get the right a second time. So I ended up booting a copy of the wings I'd already done into Paint Tool Sai and made use of the linework layers to redo the wings without having to draw the same line fifty times. Then I booted that back into Photoshop and adjusted the wings to be angled/aligned with the rest of the lines as I saw necessary. It was also at this point that I played around with positioning the leg on the left more outward than what it was on the sketch and ended up going with the position you see here. I could have then gone back and added weight to the lines in some places, but at this stage, I was already thinking that I wanted to print the lines out and use my digital lines to hopefully get cleaner traditional ones, as opposed to just printing the lines off outright. (Mostly because I wanted to use some super thick mixed media paper that I would bet serious money will not go through my printer.) That's what I ended up doing, and I have to say that attempt went a lot more smoothly than me trying to ink from the original sketch. And once I had the initial lines done, then I went back and thickened them in certain places. And I should probably mention here that the wings were a little tricky to figure out how to handle traditionally, as that's not something I've had to do very often. I ended up using my clear stardust gelly roll when I did the normal inking, and then, later on, I used colored pencils to go back over the outlines before coloring them in. After doing some tests, I started coloring with markers for the hair and skin, and a little colored pencil for some blush. I tried to get a little more bold with the shading than I usually do, which I'm sure still looks pretty tame compared to most. But I'd rather the shading be too light than too dark. Originally, I thought I was going to do all or mostly all of the coloring with alcohol markers. (Sidenote: is it just me or does it seem like there’s a lot of alcohol marker related stuff going on in the art world lately??) But then I did some testing with the lines I originally inked and didn’t like, and was reminded why I normally don’t use alcohol markers for gradients like the one on the skirt...frankly, I’m not very good at them...yet. Even though the test went better than expected, I still wasn’t happy with it. Then I tried a few more tests with watercolor, and that didn’t fare much better. Watercolor would’ve worked if the gradient wasn’t also supposed to be shaded, I think, but trying to shade it without using another supply wasn’t working. That left me with good ol' tried and true colored pencils. But colored pencils are relatively slow and textured, and I didn't really want that for the skin. The texture would've worked for the hair, but I didn't want to make the time investment for it either. And so I ended up sticking to my mixed media instincts and I used the colored pencil exclusively where I had to (on the dress so I could get the gradient for the skirt right) and then I used alcohol markers everywhere else, shading and all. With the alcohol marker doing most of the work, then I came back and added additional shading/highlights with the colored pencils as needed to everything except the skin. I added blush, but otherwise, I was quite pleased with how the skin turned out and didn't want to touch it for the risk of ruining it. The dress is supposed to be black/really dark gray, but I did brighten it up a bit with some of the blues from the skirt gradient as opposed to pulling out specific grays, so it definitely looks/feels more navy in the final product. Although my relatively dark/saturated color choices for her outfit made figuring out what to then do with the wings more challenging. I didn't want the wings to be the exact same colors as the rest of the drawing, because then they'd blend in too easily and be too distracting from the rest of the piece. But at the same time, I wanted them to match/look like they belong. (Again, similar to how the wings are in Enchantix) After some back-and-forth testing and a LOT of color sampling, I decided to color the wings in with alcohol markers in colors that were similar to her clothes but overall lighter/more pastel and outline them and the sections inside the wings again in colored pencil. Most of the colored pencil is slightly darker than the marker colors I picked, but I went with purple for the black/gray rims of the wings because I thought a dark gray or black would be too harsh. I'd already decided I wanted to do a slightly more complex background digitally, but even with that in mind, the traditional drawing still felt like it was missing one more thing after that. Namely, the wings didn't seem special enough. I realize that sounds a little weird; I was just talking about how I didn't want the wings to be too distracting, but I think there is a delicate balance to having them be special in the way fairy wings should be while still not overpowering everything else. And I'm not sure I achieved that, but I at least tried to. Though not a perfect solution, I ended up adding some metallic watercolor on top of the "true" (less purple-y) blue and pink sections on the wings.  You can't really tell here on the scan, and what little you can appears to be the wrong color, but in person, both colors now how a lovely pink or blue sheen to them when you move the picture in the light. (The metallic paints, in this case, are very opalescent, so they're almost completely transparent when you see the flat color despite still have a really pretty metallic sheen in the light.) After that, I felt there wasn't much more I could do traditionally, so I scanned it and moved on to that background. At this point, I was kinda pressed for time because me being me, I had unintentionally put making my commission sheet off to the last minute. I really wanted to have it finished before the ball dropped on New Years' Eve ("new year, new me" and all that jazz), and I still hadn't finished my example art by sunset time the day of. So I had to keep things moving. Early on, I'd had the idea to either digitally make a slightly more complex (but not too complex; I wanted to keep at least a little of the sanity I have left) background or perhaps make a special watercolor piece to use as the background. Unfortunately, I just didn't have the time for that anymore if I wanted to have the commission sheet finished by my self-imposed deadline. (And if we're splitting hairs, in theory, I could still go back and change the background if I wanted to, for reasons I'm about to go over, so of all the things to get rush-cut that's really not so bad.) What I ended up doing instead was taking some of the left side of my Starfall Mountains painting (I was looking for a background-type thing I'd already done/made that would suit this drawing or that I could quickly tailor to make it work, and I'm just as surprised as anyone else that this frustrating tiny painting ended up being the one I liked best of my options) and I blew it up to comfortable cover the background here, flipped it around so the colors would flow a bit better, and used the hue/saturation slider to make it more of teal color for a little more contrast. But of course, there was still just one more thing missing, even after all that. After a little tinkering, I decided I didn't like trying to making the wings transparent (I could do it, I just didn't like the way it looked in this case), so I went in and added a touch of sparkles digitally to both tie them more into the piece as a whole and to give them a little more pizzazz. And finally, blessedly after all of that, the artwork was finished, I was very happy with it, and I could move on to making the actual commission sheet.   I have to say, for as rushed as it was towards the end, I do really like how it turned out. More particularly I like just how blended both digital and traditional art ended up being here. To me, this is the next step beyond what I was able to do for mixing digital and traditional art with my Doodle Moon piece, and if I weren't currently in the middle of a tablet crisis, I'd really want to do more with this concept of going back and forth between the two on one artwork. However because of the tablet situation, the thought of really trying to do that right now kinda fills me with dread, so we're gonna have to wait a little while on that. I do also really like the anatomy/proportions in this. Which is not something I normally feel comfortable saying.   It's not the best art I've ever made or anything, but looking at it makes me happy. It's good to see it finished and it's good to think of where a lot of the ideas for it came from. (Re: Nostalgia for my life a few years ago) I'm not sure if I will since it kinda counts but also kinda doesn't(?), but I'm tempted to put this and some of my old Enchantix drawings up on the "Draw This Again" template, just to show how far I've come. I'm still thinking about it, we'll see. Speaking of "we'll see," I got word that the sketchbooks from the contest I made Designiest Design for back in October are finally in, which means the prize packs should be sent out anytime now! I'm excited to see how the sketchbooks turned out and get my hands on the Powder Pack and see how said powders work! I was admittedly starting to wonder how that was coming along, so that was some good news and a nice surprise I'd really been needing here lately. Rest assured, there will almost definitely be an art piece talking about that stuff once I have it in my hands! 

____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble |   Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

[bytheangell]

Desperate Hours

(Read on AO3) (Coda for 3x13 and compliant with the 3x14 sneak peek of Magnus&Lorenzo, so spoilers for both ahead)

“Thanks for seeing me on such short notice,” Magnus says, stepping inside Catarina’s apartment.

“Of course, Magnus. You’re acting like it’s some huge struggle to pencil you in, and not like I wouldn’t gladly welcome a visit from one of my closest friends any time.” She smiles at him but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes - she knows that this isn’t just a social call. Magnus wonders if she could hear the desperation in his voice over the phone… or maybe she put two and two together when Lorenzo undoubtedly contacted her to forbid her from assisting him after he started asking around.

That wouldn’t surprise him. He’s tired, physically and emotionally, and there’s only so much faking he can do before he has to let his guard down at some point. Catarina, bless her, is the unfortunate recipient of his unfiltered woes.

“Drink?” She offers. “I don’t have much, but there’s some beer or a cheap bottle of wine with your name on it.” She grabs a bottle of beer for herself in the meantime.

“No, thank you.” Now this, if nothing else, sets off a red flag. He’s trying to appear nonchalant but the way he fidgets gives him away. Plus, the last time he came over focused enough to not  share a casual beer with her was when he showed up to tell her about Ragnor. Concern flashes across her features.

“Magnus, what’s wrong?”

Where to begin?, he wonders.

“Everything?” He jokes, attempting for sarcasm but there's a bit too much truth in it to be comfortable. “Isabelle came to me for help earlier. It was important, a matter of her heath, and all I could do was stand there and watch her hurt. She lied and said she was fine to spare me the regret of being useless.”

The irony isn’t lost on him that for all the years he complained about everyone coming to him to help solve their problems, now that he couldn’t he actually missed it. How long until no one bothers to ask in the first place? A week? A month? How much time does he have left before word gets around that Magnus Bane isn’t capable of anything that goes beyond a trip to the market in town or something he can look up in a book already in his possession, unless you’re willing to wait for him to taxi to the nearest reference?

How long until Magnus Bane, as the world knows him, is entirely obsolete?

Cat sighs. She always could read him best and it’s easy to hear the strife behind his words.  “I’m sorry.” Magnus doesn’t look her in the eyes just yet, knowing the pity he’ll find there and not wanting it. He’s done with pity. He’s done with trying to get used to an existence he doesn’t want. “What do you need? You know I’ll help however I can.”

“For Isabelle? Burdock root, native to L’Isle-Adam, which I do need, yes. But that isn’t the whole reason I came…”

Magnus keeps his expression stoic, unwilling to betray the trepidation he feels at the path his current thoughts take.

“I need to get my magic back... I was reading up on a reversal of the spell Asmodeus used on me. Instead of taking magic, the caster would give part of their own to another. There isn’t a lot written on it, but… I think it can work.”

“...I’ve heard about that.” Catarina says, and Magnus’ face falls. He was counting on the fact that, by some small miracle, she hadn’t. Because if she knows what he’s talking about then Magnus already knows what’s coming next before she even opens her mouth.

“You can’t seriously be considering that so soon, can you?”

“I know it’s primarily been used on Non-Warlocks-”

“-all of whom died from the rejection of the magic in bodies not meant to hold it.” Cat supplies quickly, making sure he couldn’t skip around that fact.

“But it does have documented attempts on Warlocks, too.” He continues.

“Yes. Attempts to transfer magic which have resulted in uncontrollable powers at best, and, again, death at the very worst.” Cat looks at him with a mixture of surprise and concern. “You can’t possibly think this is a good idea.”

“I don’t have any ideas, good or bad. It’s the only thing I’ve been able to find that seems even remotely helpful. And it’s never been used on a Warlock with no magic before. All of the previous complications with warlocks were from having two different sources of power fighting within the host. If I only have one…” he trails off. He doesn’t know what will happen with just one, of course, but he’s desperate enough to find out.

“Your magic - your specific signature - is a part of you. To put some foreign essence inside of you like that, the chances of your body rejecting it like a bad transplant, the chances of it going wrong-”

“-are all chances I’m willing to take. I can’t keep living like this, Cat. You don’t know… you can’t imagine how empty I am. How wrong it feels to just exist like this. I haven’t stopped since I got back because every time I’m too still--.” He pauses, looking up at her with pleading eyes just shy of tears. He can’t bring himself to talk about it anymore, it’s too overwhelming. “I need your help.”

“Magnus...”

“I can’t perform the spell on myself and no one else will so much as speak to me about it, by direct order of the High Warlock of Brooklyn.” Magnus spits the title out with bitterness.  

“Magnus, I can’t. Not because of Lorenzo - you know I want nothing more than to help you get your magic back, and if I thought giving you part of mine was the solution I would, I really would, consequences be damned. But I’m not powerful enough for something of this scope. Not with how much magic I use every day with work. And even if I was…” She hesitates. Magnus wants her to stop there. He almost cuts her off because the idea that it was simply a matter of her not being able to, that he could compartmentalize and store away. But it isn’t, and they both know it. He remains silent as she continues. “Even if I could, I wouldn’t. You’re upset, and you’re frustrated, and you haven’t given this enough thought.” She’s only looking out for him. If he were actually thinking clearly he’d see that. But instead all he hears is that she thinks he’s being foolish. That he’s making a mistake, just like the mistake he made in giving Lilith that potion, and in thinking he was strong enough (or clever enough) to deal with Asmodeus. Just another mistake to add to the list that would be the end of his legacy: a great man buried by an avalanche of missteps.

“I’ve given it nothing but thought. Thinking is all I can do since I’m useless everywhere else now.” Magnus shakes his head, defending himself but no longer working to convince her. They’ve been friends long enough for him to know when her mind is made up.

“You’re not useless and you know it. There’s more to you-” “-oh just shut up already.” Magnus snaps. “If one more person tells me I’m more than just my magic, I’m going to scream.”

There’s a heavy pause immediately following his words in which Magnus knows with no uncertainty he fucked up.

“I think you should go home.” Catarina’s tone isn’t angry, but it is colder than the comfort she offered before. “Take a step back and give me a call later. I’ll have the burdock root for you then.”

Magnus winces, her controlled politeness worse than any anger she could respond with.  “I’m sorry.”

“I know.” She pauses. “You know what else I know? That you came here to ask me to help you perform a spell that might kill you, or have any number of consequences we don’t know about - and that would all fall on me. The Magnus I know would never put his friends in a position like that.”

“I’m sorry.” He apologizes again, because it’s all he can seem to do. She’s right, of course. And it’s why he didn’t want to go to her in the first place - he wanted to find someone neutral, someone he could pay off to go through with it no questions asked. It was a solid plan until Lorenzo went and complicated everything.

So Magnus was forced to go to Catarina because if anyone is willing to go to extremes to help him, it’s her. Perhaps that’s the very reason he shouldn’t have - he’s abusing her good nature for something selfish. What if she agreed and something happened to her? How could he live with himself?

Not to mention if something happens to him. Magnus knows the risks and accepts full responsibility for them, which would do nothing to stop Cat from blaming herself if he dies with her magic coursing through him. Maybe he isn’t thinking clearly, but the longer he goes on without magic the worse he imagines that problem will become. He certainly isn’t going to grow more rational the more disconnected he feels from himself.

Magnus is broken out of his thoughts by the sound of Catarina’s voice. “What does Alec have to say about all this?”

Magnus winces again and remains silent.

“You haven’t told him, have you?” Her tone turns accusatory again.

“No need to if it isn’t going to happen, is there? I’ll worry him when there’s cause to. He has enough on his plate right now without my wild goose chases.” He shrugs, mentally cursing the dead-end Lorenzo caused him, when a thought occurs to him. He hates it, but it gives him a flicker of hope just the same.

“We’ll figure this out,” Cat continues, unaware of his epiphany. “We can do more research on the reversal spell first - we don’t have to write it off entirely - and keep looking for other alternatives. Safer alternatives. There’s a solution out there and none of us are going to stop until we find it, alright?”

“Alright,” he says, distracted, and hears the word fall flat. Magnus is careful to throw a smile her way and brighten his tone, which is an almost impossible task given the stomach-turning idea that crosses his mind just then. If he’s really going to go through with this he needs to make sure Catarina isn’t keeping tabs on him. He needs her to believe he’s dropping it, at least for now… at least long enough to make one more visit.

“Of course. You’re right. I’m rushing into this… I’m not thinking clearly.” Magnus nods. “I’m mortal now, but it isn’t like I’m on my deathbed. There’s time to figure this out.”

He says the words in response to Cat but his mind is elsewhere, thoughts racing at a possibility of one last place he can turn. Catarina eyes him suspiciously but decides to embrace the change of heart as a good thing. And why shouldn’t she assume he’s fine for now: with no Warlock in the city willing to help him it isn’t as if he can run out and do something immediately, right?  

“Just promise me you aren’t going to do anything stupid. I’ve nearly lost you twice now, I can’t do it a third time.”

“You have my word.”

It isn’t a total lie because he’s convinced this isn’t stupid. Risky, yes. Humiliating, certainly. His absolute last resort is enough to make his skin crawl to even consider, but it’s the only option he has and he needs to try.

There’s only one warlock with access the level of power he needs. One who won’t bat an eye at the potential side-effects to him. The only warlock who isn’t forbidden from helping him, because he’s the one who gave the order in the first place.

It’s time to pay a visit to Lorenzo Rey.

[jacktherph]

jack, my friend!! i hope all is okay. i'm wondering about your experience as a barista?? are there things about its portrayal in the rpc that are inaccurate or annoying to you?? being a barista is probably the most popular job characters have on here!! what impact does being trans, ace, queer have on your workplace environment if you don't mind talking about it?

oh man olivia, oh man. you’re gonna have me GO aren’t you?? i’m doing better ilusm bb

okay so disclaimer that i’ve only been a barista at sun-dollars (think of synonyms) for a year now. i’ve never done it at some fancy, privately owned shop, and my experience isn’t that of everyone else!! i’m also pretty damn low on my totem poll, too, so keep that in mind

so when i was hired, i worked at a small cafe store for a few months; small outside patio, small parking spaces, located in a tiny strip mall off a main road, maybe a max crew of 20 or less?? but now we all relocated to one of the busiest drive thru stores in our district; large outside patio, giant inside seating, one of the only stores with a conference room in the CITY, a drive thru that pretty much… never stops, and a stand-alone building on the same main road. and wow what a difference there is

this thing ended up being super long so it’s under a cut

note:: this is really for people looking to portray accurate, non-dramatized versions of barista life, and the whole thing is largely fueled by personal experience. hope it helps??

on THE JOB ITSELF :

if you think its an easy job, please get out of my face. if you think it’s super complicated and hard, there’s a bit for you to learn here. and most importantly–if you think fucking with a barista is fun, go to hell

firstly–there is a lot to remember. there’s the drink standard; how the drink is supposed to be made without any customization. then there’s whatever people add and change about it. then there’s “i asked for five mocha pumps but this tastes like you didn’t put five in, remake it.” and then there’s “i think i know how a drink is made, but i don’t, but i’ll still tell you how to do your job.”

there is a specific routine for making drinks called SEQUENCING that we’re supposed to learn as soon as possible. it ensures that, if you’re on bar, you are always making part of a drink and finishing another. steam milk, queue shots, turn and start blending a frappuccino, while that’s in the blender turn back and finish the hot drink, hand it out, steam another milk, queue more shots, turn and pour frappuccino, hand it out, etc etc etc

personally, i’m not the best on bar. i know people who are stunningly gorgeous at it – who can sequence without fail. but it requires a LOT of mental work. not a lot of room for talking unless there’s only one drink or two to make. any character who is “skilled” at being a barista probably doesn’t spend their shift talking, but working in hasty silence when it is busy

being on register is my personal skill. i always work drive thru orders. yes, we have specific buttons for everything, but with as many combinations as sun-dollars has, there’s still an infinite number of ways to mess it up if you don’t know what you’re doing. and if the order comes out wrong, it gets made wrong, and then the barista on bar gets the brunt of the abuse from the customer and has to mess up their sequence by remaking it

on TIPPING YOUR BARISTA :

at sun-dollars, we’re paid just slightly above minimum wage and a huge chunk of our money is tips, which at a store of our size are still under a dollar earned an hour, then divided by how many hours you worked, and how many people worked that week and their hours too. tips don’t always add up to much, because people never think about tipping us

but here’s the thing. we make everything by hand just like someone would at a restaurant. sometimes more than once if one little thing is wrong. we burn our hands on hot coffee and water, we slip and fall, we haul heavy things around. even if you don’t see it, we do it. so please… tip your barista because we make everything and serve it to you just like at any other food business

on MONEY EARNED :

a part-time barista position, maybe working 25-30 hours a week with included tips, is NOT ENOUGH TO HAVE AN APARTMENT ON. not anywhere outside of fantasy land anyway

take that example. if i get 10.55/hour, and work 25 hours one week and 16 the next (which is a GOOD week for me, holy shit), and my tips are… $15 for both weeks, then I’ve made around… $475~ after taxes are taken out. no. so many of my fellow partners have second, third jobs. or their spouse earns the majority of the money. or they still live at home–like myself. it simply isn’t a job you can live on independently

i.e. this is a callout to the “barista who somehow lives without a roommate and doesn’t constantly complain about how hungry they are” trope

on WRITING ON CUPS :

yes, sun-dollars used to write on cups. but now we have a sticker system that is ten times more efficient. yes, we still write on the cups if our machine goes down, or if we have a messed up drink, any number of things. but it isn’t common for a busy store to write on cups daily anymore

that being said, let’s talk about our big fave trope: muse a writes their number on the cup for muse b because they flirted at the handoff plane. YOU CAN GET FIRED FOR THIS. it is immediately a fireable offense, no questions asked. i know it ruins the CUTESY moment but it’s a thing. best to keep your ship intact and employed by having them ask when the barista is on a break. 

yes, we misspell names. it happens. whether your fingers slip up on the touch screen or you just didn’t hear it right. but no barista i know would risk their job and security by purposefully writing a malicious name on a cup. end of

on CUSTOMER CONNECTION :

the cafe store had been around for years in a community where snowbirds (old people who come to the warmth of arizona for the winter) are the largest customer base. that, plus the small crew, meant that the partners (baristas) had a long-established rapport with many of the customers. i remember on my first official day working, so many people kept telling me “my usual” and my partners had to keep reminding the customers to order properly, since i was new and didn’t know them yet

but once i got to know the regulars–and it definitely took a lot of time–it showed me the incredible connection people have with their baristas. we joke that as baristas, we’re unpaid therapists with a coffee in hand. people tell their barista SO MUCH. but it’s fascinating, really; sometimes it’s just plain oversharing, but sometimes you just get to be connected to a person you see every day, even if it’s only for a minute or two

now, at my drive thru store, i have my personally labelled “night regs” who i see pretty much every time i work. i know their names, their orders by heart, and sometimes stuff about their family or lives. and for those who are grateful, you’d be surprised the brightening affect on someone’s day it can be when you remember their order and ask them about something they mentioned last week

recently, a family who comes through my drive almost every day suffered a loss in their family. i could tell something was different because they weren’t joking around with me. they ended up sharing and it brought us really close. they even came to visit me when i worked on christmas day. recently, they had a family bbq and actually drove all the way to the store to bring me a plate of leftovers because of an inside joke we all have. i don’t give them discounts–big no no–or free drinks. they pay like everyone else. but we’ve grown really close and they make my work day nicer because i know i’m making people happy

so often when i see people writing baristas, the character is a certain archetype: the aloof one, the bubbly one, the romantic one, for examples. but i think the connection between a barista (even an introverted one like myself) and a regular is really undervalued!! the fact that we have worked so hard to maintain that customer personal connection with our regulars even though we have thousands more people a week has really shown me a lot about how people interact with one another

on RUDE CUSTOMERS :

it takes a LOT to kick someone out of a store. like a LOT. we’ve only ended up kicking out one person because they were repeatedly stealing from our food display, and then we could only do it once we got proof. so no, being rude to the barista once isn’t an offense that can get them removed. somehow

people are rude. collectively. some are nice, but people are rude. whether it’s the cranky person who insists they ordered their drink iced but the sticker says hot, the person who repeatedly asks “is my drink ready?” even though the sticker line is as long as i am tall, the person who demands their drink be remade for any reason valid or otherwise with a big attitude, or the drive thru car who has an attitude because they expected to be in and out but their wait time is 15 minutes because the car ahead of them ordered for their entire church. people will find a way to be rude, even if they don’t know it

what do we do? we smile, apologize and take blame, and do it over. especially at sun-dollars; the customer IS ALWAYS RIGHT. welcome to the service industry

on ACCEPTANCE :

i’m very lucky when i can say sun-dollars is a very accepting environment. being a trans and queer partner, i had my identity accepted right away by my coworkers. i also make it a point to let them know that if they have any questions about my identity, they can ask it to my face within reason. this has led to some really heartfelt interactions with my fellow partners, because it was how they learned some things about identities other than theirs

customers… well it’s touch-and-go. i live in a primarily… single-minded area. but i know i’m not the only one who knows this – being trans in a workplace is a touch-and-go thing. i’ve had people who only hear my voice call me “miss” at the speaker and correct themselves to “sir” at the window when they see my beard. i’ve had stubborn old people refuse to say my name. you still have to serve them, and personally, i avoid correcting people to avoid any sort of confrontation

my specific workplace is very personal; we know a lot about one another’s personal lives. what else is there to talk about when cleaning? some partners have been insensitive, but we talk it out and it’s done and fixed. sometimes we snark at one another using personal jabs, but that’s something we all participate in. and we know where the line is and not to cross it. but i’m sure many workplaces are like that

on ETC :

you will get messy. i end a time on bar with my fingers sticking together, my arms covered in fake-tan from chai or frappuccino roast pumps, and one partner told me once she went home to find mocha in her belly button of all places

you clean the bathrooms too. in all their shitty mess. and people treat public bathrooms terribly. but doing bathrooms is also a good release from the business of the bar

that drive thru headset? paid-for walkie talkies. yes, we gossip, we laugh, we trade jokes. we rag on customers out of earshot. let us have fun

WE DID NOT INVENT OR TAKE PART IN THE SECRET MENU. we cannot make your drink unless you tell us how it’s made. we’re not gonna google your weird invention when we have other things to do. you either come prepared, or you get something else

if you’re going to pay separately for a large order, TELL US FIRST

there will always be that one partner you hate working with. it happens in every job. there will always be that crew you love working with. you don’t always get to choose when that happens. c’est la vie

if it’s closing time, customers need to LEAVE. this is an issue of safety for when we work with money. even your best friend, your spouse, or your elderly mother cannot be inside the store during closing

at sun-dollars we have a weekly thing called the “clean play,” where people come in after the closers and do a deep-clean of the store. we rock out to music, enjoy there being no customers, and have fun. good setting for fellow workers!!

don’t give us pity on holidays. you’re the reason we’re there

i once had a woman come in half an hour before closing, and she was so mad we didn’t have the food box she wanted that she called corporate to complain. we now have more waste at the end of the night because we have to order so many boxes so we never run out

sometimes you’ll have to run out before or during a shift to pick up product from other stores

people take it personally when you finish a seasonal beverage. really personally when you’re out of anything, really

seeing regulars outside of the workplace will always be awkward. some even ask if you remember their drink. you might

people will complain about things out of your control. smile and nod and say you’ll let your manager know

when in doubt, give it to your shift supervisor

ADDITION :: my wonderful friend @morbidrpa​ wrote about her experience as a barista/manager in a smaller, single-location coffee shop. go check it out for varied experiences!!

[incomingalbatross]

Illumination, Part 2/2

Part 1

Fandom: Psmith/Star Wars Length: 2819 words (almost quadruple the length of Part 1, because what is consistency)

Part 2 under the cut! (And thank you so much for the feedback!)

The headmaster was having a very bad day.

"Headmaster!" Ensign Psmith--former Ensign Psmith--said brightly when he saw him, lightsaber not missing a beat. "Has our little field trip really caused such a fuss as to bring you down to these humble halls in person? I'm terribly sorry for the inconvenience--I fear your loyal myrmidons grossly misrepresented matters. Out of laudable zeal for the security of the Empire, of course, but still. . ."

"Enough, Smith," the headmaster said abruptly. His hand was on his blaster grip, even though there was a good half-squadron still between him and the boy.

Force-users were dangerous, after all.

He shook his head, bewildered. "What does this--this madness mean? And are you honestly standing there--with a Jedi lightsaber in your hand!--expecting me to believe you when you talk about 'laudable zeal for the Empire?'"

Psmith blinked at him innocently, even as he sent blaster-fire from one man ricocheting straight into another's legs, bringing him down with a scream. "Sir, I'm merely defending myself," he protested, dancing back again as new troops filled the gap he had made. "As a student of this unparalleled establishment, am I not expected to use whatever resources are at hand to ensure my survival--no matter how distasteful?" Another spray of deflected blaster-fire sent more than one man jumping back, and Psmith took advantage of the momentary lull to dart forward, slice, and fall back again.

His technique seemed . . . uneven, though, the headmaster realized. Sloppy, even, in his more difficult maneuvers. And he was fighting primarily to hold his position, closing with his opponents only when necessary. Given his age, it would make sense for him to be more self-taught than a genuine master of his craft--perhaps they could overwhelm him, after all.

(And if he felt a moment's pity at the thought of a half-trained boy being overwhelmed and cut down by a full squadron of trained soldiers, well, that was no one's business but his own.)

"You can't talk your way out of this one, Smith," he said, sternly. "You ought to know that."

The young Jedi's eyes went distant for a moment, then flicked back to his gaze. "Well, perhaps you're right," he said with a light shrug. "I suppose there are some things rather too difficult to explain away, rare though they have been in my experience. Just to be sure, though--there's no chance of me persuading you this was just a student prank, sir? Youthful high spirits gone astray?" He cocked his head hopefully for a moment, then sighed when the headmaster only stared at him. "No, I thought not."

"Why, Smith?" the headmaster asked, keeping his eye on the Jedi as he forced the nearest troopers back, closer to their fellows again. Was he--yes, he was tiring. Not much, perhaps, but it was beginning to show in his movements. "Why did you ever come here in the first place, if you were--were--"

"A Jedi?" he supplied helpfully, dodging between two blaster bolts and deflecting three more. "Precisely because of reactions like yours, headmaster. Do you know how few people will think to suspect a Jedi of entering an Imperial Academy? Very few. Most people, you see, have a regrettable tendency to confuse the unusual and the impossible--and while it is admittedly unusual for a Jedi to seek to enroll in an Imperial Academy, there is nothing in the inherent structure of the universe or of the Empire's acceptance protocols which would make it impossible. Therefore--excepting the regrettable presence here of such outstanding petty sadists as the hopefully-late Captain Downing--this was, in its own special way, the safest place for me."

The headmaster stared at him, aghast at this casual disregard of everything the Academy stood for. "Do you mean to say you used my school to hide from the forces of the Empire?"

"With no disrespect meant to your establishment, headmaster, I think I can safely say that if you had led my life, you would use almost anything to hide from the forces of the Empire." Smith was definitely tiring now--despite his continued verbosity, there was a growing raggedness to his movements. A half-trained Jedi youth could only fight so long against a contingent of professional Imperial troops, it seemed.

Especially when they had reinforcements readily to hand, and he had none at all.

"You can't win, you know," the headmaster said, tone softening despite himself as he watched. "Why not surrender, Smith? You will be treated more leniently if you do, I guarantee."

Psmith laughed briefly, eyes glancing to meet his before darting back to his opponents. "Not just yet, I think, headmaster."

"Are you really hoping to leave with your friends, at this point? If you don't catch up within a few minutes' time, they'll almost certainly leave without you."

"Such is my hope, I confess. . ." for the first time, Psmith let his speech be interrupted by the demands of combat, but soon picked up the thread again, "A forlorn one, perhaps, but I hold fast to it."

The headmaster frowned. Better just to try distracting him, perhaps. "Did you destroy the security droid?" he fired off, hoping to catch him off-guard.

Psmith's head reared back an instant in apparent offence. "Just because I am a Jedi does not mean I am responsible for everything which has gone wrong in this academy during my enforced stay, headmaster." "That wasn't an answer, Smith. And you seem very defensive about the subject."

"The indignation of the unjustly accused, sir, I assure you. Whatever my feelings toward the Empire--and, indeed, I may as well admit now that I oppose it with every fiber of my being--I certainly do not believe in cruelty to droids. . ."

Then it happened.

The Jedi slipped slightly. Just for a moment, his footwork failed him, but a moment was all it took. He landed on one knee, lightsaber instinctively held up before him but--for a few, crucial seconds--not moving in either attack or defense.

"Surround him!" the headmaster shouted. "Don't take any chances."

Psmith looked up to see a ring of weapons pointed at him, all the remaining troops spreading around and behind him before he could get his guard back up.

"Shall we kill him now, sir?" the troop commander asked.

"Restrain yourself, please," the headmaster said. He turned back to Psmith. "Drop your weapon, unless you think you can avoid a dozen blasters at once."

Psmith looked at him, expression cooperative but politely confused. "Oh, but surely that's excessive, headmaster? What could I possibly do with this, against all these delightfully lethal specimens of Imperial diplomacy arrayed before me?"

The headmaster found himself considering this. He had a point, after all. It wouldn't make any real difference whether he held onto his weapon or not . . .

There was the distinctive sound of a blaster discharge. Psmith cried out in pain, lightsaber falling to the ground with a clatter and hiss as he cradled his wounded arm.

The headmaster scanned the men guarding Psmith, astonished and outraged by the defiance of his orders. "What," he demanded, "was that?"

One of the men looked back at him, eyes wild but determined. "I did it, sir. He was using the Force on you! I've heard stories, sir, how they can control your mind--with just their voices, even, if you let them . . ."

The headmaster opened his mouth. Then closed it again. He looked back at the prisoner, who was still hunched over his injury.

Everyone knew how dangerous Jedi were. And yet he'd been thinking about letting him keep his weapon.

"Well, done, trooper," he said at last. "Keep an eye on him." He looked around. "All of you keep an eye on him. No distractions."

"Oh, come now, headmaster--" that ingratiating voice began again.

He whirled on the youth. "And you will be silent, Smith," he said. "Or else you will be shot, again. Speak only when I ask you a question, and then only one-word replies. Understood?"

Psmith looked him for a few moments, gaze more intent than it had been at any point so far.

The headmaster looked back resolutely.

At last, with a sigh, the young Jedi dropped his head. "Understood," he said.

The headmaster felt a surge of triumph. "Excellent," he said, taking a step forward--though he was careful to still keep a good six feet from the perimeter of the guarding circle. "Now, what were we talking about last? Ah, yes. It was the droid. You still haven't given me a straight answer on that, have you?"

Psmith just looked at him, somehow managing to convey a sense of weary persecution even in silence. The headmaster sighed. "Did you destroy the droid?" he asked.

Psmith's face brightened. "No," he said immediately.

"Then who did?"

Psmith opened his mouth, then paused. His eyes drifted over the headmaster's shoulder for a few moments, abruptly widening, before snapping back to his face with a look of unholy, disbelieving glee.

Pointing past the headmaster with one finger, he said simply, "Him."

The headmaster rolled his eyes. "Really, Smith, if you think I'm going to fall for that . . ."

Something cold, round, and metallic pressed against the back of his head, and an arm went around his throat. "No, he's telling the truth," a cheerful voice said. "For once. How are you, Smith?"

Everything froze.

Then a number of things happened at once:

A number of the troops swung their guns around, unsure who they should be aiming at;

The headmaster shouted, "Nobody move!" even as part of his mind was trying to identify the voice;

And Psmith burst out laughing, all but collapsing onto the floor as his heretofore-untouchable composure suddenly shattered into a thousand shards.

"Well that's just rude, Smith," the mystery voice complained. "Headmaster's right, though--none of you move, or you won't have a superior officer anymore. Good luck explaining that to whoever the Emperor sends to clean up."

Suddenly tone matched itself to memory, but things hardly made more sense once they had.

"Dunster?" the headmaster blurted out.

"Indeed," Psmith said, as he slowly regained his serenity. He straightened up, flicking dust off his trousers knee as he did so with a rueful grimace.

Then, as if suddenly remembering something, he glanced up. "By the way," he said pleasantly, making another flicking motion with his fingers, "considering the change in circumstances, I hope you will not consider it ill-mannered of me to suggest that the rest of you might find it prudent to drop your weapons."

The headmaster cringed, as over two dozen blasters clattered to the floor.

"But . . . How?" he spluttered. "Dunster was just a visiting student--from a Core school. I saw the paperwork myself!"

The young man behind him laughed. "Right. Because no one's ever faked paperwork before, have they, Smith?" A horrible chill overcame the headmaster. He had remembered something that suddenly seemed horribly important.

Namely, that Dunster and Psmith had recognized each other during Dunster's previous stay. In fact . . .

"You said . . . you went to the same school?" he croaked feebly.

But Psmith shook his head. "A slight mistruth, I confess," he said, stretching a casual hand toward his lightsaber as he did. It rose into the air, flying smoothly to his grasp. "I have not truly been enrolled in an institute of learning since I was, oh, nine years of age. Friend Dunster and I, rather, met in the School of Hard Knocks--also known, somewhat less formally, as the Street. That, however, did not sound quite so prestigious."

"And the Rebellion?" the headmaster asked.

Psmith clicked his tongue. "A surprise to myself as much as to you, I must confess." His eyes moved over the headmaster's shoulder. "I had assumed you were still a common criminal."

"I assumed you were a common criminal," Dunster rejoined. "Certainly wasn't expecting the lightsaber."

"Touche. However, now that we know one another's deepest secrets, allow me to ask--why return, at the coincidental eleventh hour, to the scene of your crime? Were the dramatic conventions too strong for your spirit to resist?"

"I'm not you, idiot," Dunster rejoined. Then he paused. "As a matter of fact . . . Well, to be perfectly honest, I, er. I destroyed the wrong droid."

Psmith raised an eyebrow. "Ah."

"It's a long story. And classified, as a matter of fact."

"Of course it is, friend Dunster," Psmith said soothingly, tucking his lightsaber hilt under one elbow like a baton. “Of course.”

"Shut up."

"A perfectly understandable mistake, I am certain."

"Look, hadn't you better get going? If you don’t hurry, the rest of your baby Rebels will leave without you."

Psmith blinked. "You would seem to be in a more precarious position than I, at the moment," he pointed out delicately.

"Maybe you're right." The headmaster could hear a grin in the Rebel's voice. "I suppose the headmaster and I had better come part of the way with you, then."

Psmith tilted his head in assent. "If you must."

Dunster prodded the headmaster with the gun barrel, and he tumbled forward. "And the rest of you," he said to the troops, "lie down on the ground and stay there for the next . . . oh, twenty minutes, if you don't want us to get any more hostile toward you or your commander."

"Yes," Psmith agreed. "I strongly suggest you do as he says."

The men dropped to the ground in near-perfect unison, lying on their stomachs with hands clasped behind their heads.

"Excellent," Psmith said, surveying them with satisfaction. "Dunster? Headmaster? Let us away."

It was a quick and silent march. The headmaster, however, found that between the humiliation of his present, and the even stronger fears for his future, he had plenty to occupy his thoughts,.

"If I were you," Psmith murmured, as if reading his thoughts (perhaps he was?), "I would take this opportunity to make a speedy withdrawal from the whole situation. It shouldn't be hard for an Imperial officer such as yourself to acquire passage offworld and a change of clothes--and after that, why, the galaxy is your oyster. Certainly a more appealing prospect than whatever the Emperor's flunkies will do with you, after learning you lost him not only a survivor of the Jedi Purge, but also the best pilot ever to pass through your unhallowed halls."

The headmaster shuddered at the very thought. He didn't know if the Jedi was using his powers of persuasion or not at the moment, but it was hard to care. Either way he was right about the Emperor's displeasure, and the headmaster knew it.

What if they send Vader?

"Why are you giving him advice?" Dunster asked with distaste. "He signed up for this job. Let him choke on it."

"An understandable sentiment," Psmith allowed, "but I find myself in a merciful mood today. And, besides, he discharged his duties here somewhat more humanely than most Imperial officers I have known would have."

Dunster snorted. "A low bar, if you ask me, but maybe I'll let him run when we reach the hangars--I'll be free and clear when the doors open, either way."

"I rejoice to hear it," Psmith said. "Especially since we have nearly arrived."

Sure enough, a few moments more brought them into the hangars--a bustle of activity, with the outside doors already open, TIEs hovering in place, and the defecting students running and shouting back and forth as they prepared to leave.

"And here, I fear, we part ways," Psmith said.

He regarded Dunster for a moment, silently.

"I owe you a debt of some significance, at least to myself," he said at last. "I will not forget."

"Neither will I," said the Rebel, laughing again. Then his voice sobered. "Hey, Smith?"

The young Jedi raised one eyebrow. "Yes?"

"The Force be with you."

Psmith blinked several times.

"And you, Padawan," he said.

Turning away, he scanned the hangar a moment before zeroing in on one TIE fighter.

"Wait!" the headmaster said, just before he took off.

He turned back, a tinge of impatience in his face. "Something you need, sir?"

"Why?" the headmaster asked helplessly. "I mean, I know why you came here, but why stay so long? Why reveal yourself helping this escape, if you really aren't part of the Rebellion? Why . . . Why any of this?"

Psmith opened his mouth.

"In as few words as you could, Smith . . . please?"

He closed it again, an unfamiliar expression passing over his face.

He looked at the headmaster consideringly, and the headmaster looked back. Please. I just want to understand--you don't fit what I've heard of the Jedi. But I don't know what you are.

He still didn't know how much of that the Jedi could read from him, but apparently whatever he did pick up satisfied him. Psmith's face fell into something less poised, less immaculately composed, for just a moment.

And in that moment, he answered--in one word only, as he had before.

"Jackson," he said matter-of-factly.

And then he turned, and sprinted toward the TIE he'd picked out earlier.

[jkl-fff]

OOOHHH!!! GET READY!! 40 questions: 1 2 3 5 9 10 20 24 26 27 30 31 32 33 34 38 and 39!! 💚

Yama, as always, you are a never-endingsource of delight for me. Thanks for the asks!

1. Describe your comfort zone—atypical you-fic.

Well, based off of what I’vewritten up this point, my comfort zone appears to include: A) one-sided pining from a character who isn’t exactly closeted but isn’texactly out, either … and/or a character who isn’t comfortable with their queersexuality; either way, some existential and romantic angst ensues as a resultB) supernatural shenanigans are a major plot point (magic or curses, ghosts orspirits, monsters, etc.)C) occasional philosophical ramblings and messages about friendship and helpingothersD) attempts to think outside the box in terms of plot pointsE) Lots of bantering repartee

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet totry your hand at, but really want to?

Not that I can think of … Maybe something like “enemies to friends” or “friendsto enemies”, and possibly also “enemies to lovers”.I could also enjoy doing some more “friends to lovers” for Dipper and Norman …

3. Is there a trope you wouldn’ttouch with a ten foot pole?

Given the sheer volume of tropes which exist, probably. Though I can’t say Ireally know what any of them are called. But, basically, anything that hingesupon homophobia, sexism, racism, etc. I absolutely loathe, and therefore try toavoid. Heck, I do my best to subvert and supplant such ideas where I can.

Apropos, if anyone feels I’ve failed in that—feels I’ve written or said somethingthat marginalizes a group of people as a whole—*please* let me now when, where,and how; I try not to be complacent about such things, and want to correct themwhen they happen.

5. Share one of your strengths.I believe myself to be quite adept at consistent characterization. Certainlynearly all of my reviewers have mentioned this specifically in my fanfics.

9. Which fic has been the hardestto write?

Hands down, it’s “Through a Slender Opening”. In part because of its length andcomplexity; in part because of various personal and professional issues that I’vehad to combat while writing it.

But I’m almost done! I’ve written the climaxes, and am now working through thedenouements to tie up the loose ends and give conclusions and closures to allof plots and subplots! With any luck, I’ll be able to resume uninterruptedposting in April until all the story is online for any and all to read and enjoy.

10. Which fic has been the easiestto write?Already answered this one here: http://jkl-fff.tumblr.com/post/172058768464/for-the-fic-meme-10-13-14-15-and-19

20. Describe your perfect writingconditions.

For creative writing, I *must* havenear absolute silence. Like, any background noise at all (TV, conversations,etc.) is incredibly distracting for me. It’s less of an issue for writingthings that I’m not obsessively trying to make artistic (answering asks or emails,for example, or proofreading someone else’s work), but for my own stories, itis a prerequisite that I have quiet. Also, a comfy chair with straight and firmback support definitely helps, as does having a cold drink (diet coke on ice) for sipping on hand.

24. Have you ever deleted one ofyour published fics?

Nope, and I doubt I ever shall. The fics ought to remain out there, faults andall, for any and all to see.

26. Do you beta yourself? If so,what kind of beta are you?

Assuming that “beta” is synonymous with “proofread”, then yes, I do betamyself. Obsessively and perhaps even excessively. Like, I reread sentences as Iwrite them, paragraphs when I finish them, then whole scenes after I’vefinished them to make sure��*everything* feels/sounds right from start to finish. To make sure everything is cohesive, etc.

When I beta for others, it depends on what kind of input they desire of me, howmuch and how deeply. But generally, I try to be an encouraging and supportivebeta—someone who comes up with constructive and concrete comments which helppeople tell their stories more engagingly,and feel good about themselves while doing it.

27. How do you feel aboutcollaborations?

Depends on the collaborator in question. If they have an entertaining or movingidea, and I feel they can be counted on to actually partner with someone (listento ideas which aren’t their own, contribute ideas to someone else,establishand respect creative boundaries when necessary, and do their share of thecollaboration), then I’m usually gung-ho for it!

I’ve actually been doing that with @tysonoffire and @reynaruina for some timenow, and both are a ton of fun to work with!

30. Do you accept prompts?

On occasion, yeah, but not very frequently. Since I’ve got plenty of my ownideas to keep me busy as is, I seldom need to solicit additional ones.

But they’re always welcome. Never know when something will tickle my fancy, oreven spark my fervor.

31. Do you take liberties withcanon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

Generally, I try to remain true to the canon’s broad strokes (settings, forexample, and *especially* characterizations), and even true to canon’s lightertouches. Mostly because I feel that enhances the richness of the fic itself. However, I will diverge from it when necessary (kinda can’t avoid diverging itwhen you primarily write a crossover), but ONLY after having provided a reasonablebuild up to the changes. Y’know, something that accounts for the characters orplotlines acting otherwise than they would in canon.

32. How do you feel about smut?

If well written and gay as balls touching, I’m all for reading it! And even notopposed to writing it. Though, personally, I prefer it serve a purpose in theplot, and *not* just be something that’s gratuitously added for tits and goggles—somethingthat shows how much the characters’ relationship has developed, for example.

Though I will admit I am also startingto get a little bored with writing smut.Mostly because there are only so manyways you can describe sex before it starts to feel repetitive, and even kinda tedious. (I wonder if this is, in part, because writing something sexualalways takesso long that the sexual rush of smut ebbs long before the scene is complete?)

33. How do you feel about crack?

Don’t smoke it, kids.

Seriously, though, I don’t see any problems with crack ships. If they maketheir shippers happy, then what could be more important or wonderful than that? That being said, they’re unlikely to appeal to me simply because I won’t beable to see a “realistic” possibility for their relationship dynamics. Theiruniverses would have to be fairly similar for me to get into one (likeParaPines and PinesCone are, I reckon).

34. What are your thoughts onnon-con and dub-con?

They are not at all my thing. I see them as inherently being acts of violence—ofone person taking from another by force.So the idea of that combining with sex, whichI see as inherently being an act of mutual affection and mutual gratification—of two people giving to each other by choice … Well, it rather offputs me, to say theleast.

Now, I confess that I do have kinks that involve power play (bondage, dom andsub, pet play, and especially hypnosis/mind control), but for me, they *always*involve either roles willing played, or (in the case of hypno/m.c.) acts ofseduction which convince a person they want it so that they do consent andenjoy it.For me, those are extremely crucial differences.

38. Talk about a review that madeyour day?

Heh. So that they can always brighten my mood whenever I’m feeling down, I’vekept 13 of them in my tumblr inbox and 8 more in my deviantart inbox.They’reso kind, so motivating, and I’m eternally grateful to the people who sent themto me!

39. Do you ever get rude reviewsand how do you deal with them?

Luck is with me, for I’ve only evergotten, like, two or three rude reviews. They were swiftly deleted, as therewas nothing to be gained from wasting time on them.

Thanks again, Yama! This was fun!

[mindfullofclutter]

Esperanza

Her name in English means ‘hope’—ironic and perhaps understandable, then, that her eyes betray her as lacking in her namesake.

Nestled between high-rise apartments and post-apocalyptic rock formations sits a settlement inhabited solely by women. This is La Cárcel de Mujeres, a low-security prison for Bolivia’s female offenders, located in Obrajes, the affluent pocket of La Paz.

It feels more like a village than a jail, save for a watchtower and burnt-orange walls that surround the courtyard. But La Cárcel houses 360 women serving up to 30 years for crimes including murder. Petty thieves and drug addicts mingle with violent criminals. Among them, 62 children roam.

The prison is a functioning community, albeit an atypical one. Most of the women secure jobs inside, from cleaning toilets to packing snack boxes with sandwiches for Bolivia’s state-owned airline. There’s a lavandería where garments drip over women kneading soapy piles with bare hands, a chapel, a kindergarten and several fiercely guarded stalls selling chocolate biscuits and papaya juice with little straws for little mouths.

A view from the bleak interview room reveals a ramshackle mélange of metal roofs brightened by a rainbow of sodden clothing drying in the late-morning sun. One woman dyes the tresses of another a disconcerting lilac hue, wringing slosh into a washing-up bowl. Sandals and lopsided toys lie discarded on the walkways separating the gridded slums of toldos, which are metre-square boxes where the women sleep and think when they aren’t working or studying. There are no padlocks and no iron bars.

“We have four roll calls per day,” says grandmother-of-ten, Patricia Arduz, who has been locked up for 13 years for a crime she won’t reveal. The 59-year-old has a slight frame and a warm personality, with smile-crinkled eyes and crucifix jewellery in abundance.

“I arrived at Obrajes last year, and it’s far better than where I’ve been before,” she explains. “Besides the roll call, we choose what to do. You can watch TV, play sports, work or take classes.”

The women in La Cárcel have the opportunity to study courses, from English and social etiquette to therapeutic dance and reusing aluminium.

Rehabilitation through education is the intention and many are better-equipped for real-world employment after serving time.

“I don’t work here but I make clothes which sell well on the outside,” Patricia says. “One item goes for up to 250 bolivianos.” She smiles proudly as she holds a pair of baby pink mittens up for me to admire.

Another prisoner, 24-year-old Esperanza Chambi, will spend her afternoon in a hairdressing class. “I’ve learnt a lot here,” she says, listing knitting and making clothes as skills acquired. “I’m also vice-president of the [inmate] population. I look after the other women and they respect me,” she says, with little tangible enthusiasm.

“It was accidental murder,” she says, hesitating before describing her crime. “I worked in a Chinese restaurant and started fighting with another employee. I pushed her, shouting at her to go away. She fell and hit her head. I ran, but the police found me.”

Esperanza is six years into a 30-year sentence—the maximum sentence allowed for murder under Bolivian law. Her name in English means ‘hope’—ironic and perhaps understandable, then, that her eyes betray her as lacking in her namesake.

For the first two years of Esperanza’s time in Obrajes her daughter, now six, lived with her. Now, she and her eight-year-old brother live with their father in the countryside 12 hours away.

“They don’t visit often any more—just once a year in December. I’m here for 30 years but the worst punishment is that I can’t see my children growing up,” she says, letting her steely-eyed defence down as she sobs, speaking at an increasingly inaudible volume. The edges between “criminal” and “human” blur, but she catches herself quickly.

“I’ve changed since being here,” she asserts, drying her eyes. “I’ve changed the way I think. Maybe outside will be worse. Maybe there is a good reason I’m here now.” Her tone is hollow; her eyes expressionless.

Some argue that the children are better off living with their mothers, no matter how unnatural the environment, given the alternative of being cared for by potentially untrustworthy or distant family members.

Ex-prisoner Helen Pereyra disagrees. The 26-year-old, who has two Bolivian parents but a misleadingly fair complexion, served one and a half years in La Cárcel.

“Settling in to Obrajes was difficult. The women were unkind, calling me ‘La Leche’ (the milk),” she remembers. “I tried to keep a low profile. They threatened to cut my face like they did another fair-skinned woman. “In the first week I cried because I was scared and missed my daughter. Then I took sleeping pills that I got from a guard to try and forget.”

Since leaving la cárcel, Helen has returned to living with her daughter who was just four when her mother was imprisoned for falsifying government documents. “I didn’t want her to live with me inside,” she says. “I decided to be strong for myself, but in prison children learn bad things.”

Bolivian law allows infants to live with a parent inside until they turn six. La Cárcel is home to 51 children under that age limit but 11 others, the oldest aged 12, live here too. As many as three share a single bed with their mother in a dormitory sleeping 40 inmates.

There is a kindergarten inside Obrajes and educational posters decorate peeling paint walls. But this inefficient and opaque justice system caters primarily for adults—not the estimated 1,500 children across the country who live behind bars with them.

“We have a team whose obligation it is to provide health care, social work and work in conjunction with other institutions,” prison director Luz Alaja Arequipa explains. “But children shouldn’t be here. They have nowhere to play, and when they’re old enough to attend school they face bullying and discrimination.”

Sergeant Nancy Villegas agrees that prison and children should not mix. We sit in a high-ceilinged office with an ornate light fixture and a wooden desk. She and the prison director face me, both attired in khaki uniforms and polished boots.

“My good experiences here are mostly with the children,” Nancy, a guard of seven years, says. “I’m always there to protect them. But children suffer. They don’t belong here.” She is straight faced as she elaborates. “Mothers are under pressure, and they take it out on their children. It’s not normally physical violence but psychological; they lose their patience.”

Walking around La Cárcel, however, the children seem happy. Rosy-cheeked toddlers sip juice and run around the courtyard. One young girl sits cross-legged on the concrete, feeding spoonfuls of pasta shells to a baby in a cardboard box cot. She giggles and says “buenas tardes” (good afternoon). Another plays hide and seek, weaving between toldos draped in flowery sheets and women shielding their faces from the sun with Tupperware lids.

Their innocent obliviousness and adaptability inject energy and optimism into this place. And their faces are a reminder that, no matter how cold or concrete or crowded it is, Obrajes, to many, is home.

“I’m leaving the jail in a couple of weeks,” says grandmother-of-ten, Patricia Arduz, squeezing the crucifix dangling around her neck in her palm. “It’s not going to be easy after 13 years—there’s everything you need here.

“I’m afraid because I don’t know what people’s reaction will be. They might hate me. I’ve been here for along time.” Her face creases with worry.

And then we reach her toldo—her personal space. I bend my neck to fit inside and our bodies fill the space. Patricia gestures at a modest television set and a bed blanketed in soft pinks.

It’s small, cosy and made sunny by slightly wilting yellow flowers in a coffee jar vase. A collage of faces of beautiful women cut from glossy magazines covers one wall.

“I chose these photos because I like to see the happy, open smiles of women,” Patricia says, beaming and becoming one of them.

Her grin childlike and her skin soft and wrinkled, she looks harmless. Her eyes sparkle. She looks happy.

I wonder what her crime was.

This report was originally published by Bolivian Express.