#I made the mistake of going into the tag after months bc I only wanted to see what happened to Bae | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sugrhigh · 5 months ago

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BOY NEXT DOOR 9 - ( c.s )

part eight

summary- you and your roommates live beside a bunch of senior hockey players, one of them being the infamous team captain chris sturniolo. he’s effortlessly flirty and undeniably attractive, but he’s also a pain in your ass. you find that you have to fight between lust and hatred as you finally get to know the boy next door, whether you want to or not.

warnings- angst, swearing, i think that’s it

a/n: i’m back my little goblins let’s get it!!!! part ten of this series will be the final part, and then i plan on writing an ‘epilogue’ type chapter to wrap it all up. i’m hoping to have them up as quickly as possible, but ive been absolutely slammed so im sorry if it takes me a minute. i love u always and i’ve missed being on here so i hope you enjoy <3

(if you asked to be tagged in the last part and weren’t tagged it’s bcs it wouldn’t let me!! i’m so sorry i tried my hardest)

to be let down, you have to expect something from someone. it’s a mistake you’ve made far too frequently in your years on earth, especially in college, but this time around the grief is debilitating.

you spend the rest of your weekend locked inside your room, attempting to sleep away the heartbreak. somehow dreaming almost makes it worse; for a second you’re able to forget about being completely humiliated, until you wake up in reality once more.

it doesn’t help that chris has been absolutely blowing up your phone since the moment you left. every call and text goes unanswered. it’s impossible to read them, so most of the time you don’t.

hell, you can’t even open your curtains because you’re too scared that he’ll be looking back at you when you do. so you block out the sunlight, ensuring that your room matches your dreary feelings.

you figure he’ll give up on trying to talk to you eventually. you’re not different. he’s not different. and once chris regains that pride of his, he’ll go right back to fucking some other girl he won’t care about half as much.

thoughts like those make you cry even harder, as much as you hate it. but you know the disinterest will wash over him sooner or later, and you resent that inevitable day.

cassidy and ramona check on you pretty much every other hour. it makes you feel even worse that they’re so concerned, but neither of them have ever seen you like this. at least not since freshman year, when you dated an upperclassman for a couple months just for him to dump you over text.

even that heartache was relatively short-lived. but this pain follows you into the week, trailing behind you like a shadow you can’t get rid of. it sits beside you in class, curls up next to you in bed, weighs your shoulders down whenever you walk.

it feels like you’re struggling to stay afloat, to even act like a real human anymore. chris consumes your brain, and so do the ‘what if’s’ of your situation. it makes the week drag on, even though you try to spend most of it asleep.

to make matters worse, his multiple notifications continue with a routine consistency, almost like clockwork. you figured he’d already be over it, but he clearly doesn’t want to make himself easy to forget.

you have to admit that you’re glad his persistence lasted at least this long, even if it’s for selfish reasons. you’re disgusted that the attention satisfies you, but it’s not an unwelcome change considering all you’ve been feeling lately is queasy.

still, you don’t read them, or pick up when he calls. you can’t hear his voice, because you know it’ll absolutely break you.

and then finally, on friday, you see him in the flesh. you’re walking home from your bus stop after the only lecture you managed to get to that day, and there he is, getting out of his car.

your throat seizes up; there’s no way to avoid this. it’s easy to ice someone out over text, but it’s a hell of a lot harder when he’s your neighbor.

before you can snap your head away he’s turning to look in your direction, eyes equally as wide as yours once the recognition washes over him. he looks like shit, and yet he’s still so goddamn beautiful it makes you physically sick.

for a brief moment, everything stops. you just stare at each other.

chris takes in you in, the way you look noticeably drained. he feels that familiar nauseous pang in his stomach flare up, knowing that he stole the spark from your eyes.

the worst part is that you’ll never look at him with that fire again. there’s nothing he can do to bring it back now, no way to reverse the past.

then—before he can decide what to do in the present—you break the spell, cutting through your other neighbor’s lawn to get to your front porch. everything in him wants to run after you, so much so that he has to physically restrain himself.

you hear him calling after you, and something about him shouting your name stirs the tears awake once more. but you make it through the door before they fall, because you can’t show any more vulnerability than you already have.

getting inside doesn’t mean that you make it up the stairs, though. the physical and emotional exhaustion catches up to you, and you collapse around halfway through your blurry climb to your room.

your elbows dig into your kneecaps, hands holding your head while you sob. it seems impossible to catch your breath, or calm down in the slightest, and your cries only grow louder.

normally you’d be careful about the noise, but there’s no one to hide from right now. nobody is home. it’s just you and your thoughts, which, as always, are full of him.

you may be able to push him out of your life, but you have a feeling he’ll be lingering in the corners of your mind forever.

the post-game locker room mood is completely miserable tonight. after that last minute loss and the thirty minute bitch-session they just endured from their coach, it honestly should be.

chris barely even has his skates off before his teammates are all over him, which he expected but still dreaded.

his head’s not in it, and everybody knows.

“what the fuck is wrong with you, man? it’s like you’re not even awake out there.” one of the team’s leading defensemen, luke, yanks him up by his jersey roughly.

for a second he pauses, setting his jaw and puffing his chest out slightly. the accusation, though it’s not completely untrue, pisses him off.

so much so that chris retaliates by shoving him back to his rightful place a foot away. “get the hell off of me, man.”

luke looks like he’s ready to jump into action again, but connor steps in between before anything else can happen. he’s also very visibly angry, a side that doesn’t come out often.

and just because he stopped a physical fight from breaking out doesn’t mean he’s going to stay silent. “he’s right. you’re playing like shit, and we‘re way too far into the season to be blowing it now, especially with selection show right around the corner.”

chris can feel his blood is boiling at this point, knowing that even his roommate is going to support this kind of disrespect towards his own captain. the rest of the team is watching silently, but he can’t find it anywhere in himself to care.

the words have already bubbled up, and he won’t hold them back anymore.

“oh come on, it’s not like anyone else was stepping up! dylan turned the puck over every other play, ben was offside during that odd man rush, and don’t even get me started on you and the high sticking penalty that just lost us that fucking game.” he shoves his pointer finger against connor’s chest for emphasis, trying to make sure his criticism stings as much as possible.

but his friend is quick to swat his hand away, shaking his head once sharply.

“no, you don’t get to turn it on everyone else. you lost it for us during that sorry excuse of a penalty kill. you let that little UMass shit go right by you, which is why he had a wide open shot to score the game winner. you’ve been making dumb mistakes like that for two weeks now, and we all know why.”

that implication is enough to send chris over the edge, because nobody has the right to mention what happened between you and him. knowing about the situation doesn’t mean they should get to speak on it.

he can feel his fingernails digging into his palms, both hands balled into tight fists at his side. the anger coursing through his body makes him shake ever so slightly, almost like he’s humming.

“keep going and i’ll bust your fucking face in.” chris says, voice eerily calm despite the fact that his body is screaming.

but connor doesn’t back down; he stands tall with an unwavering gaze that’s more serious than ever before. “you gotta grow a pair and start being our captain again. you fucked up, and losing someone you’re actually into because of that sucks. most of us have been there. but trying to throw everyone under the bus is bullshit when you’re the one that needs to get it together.”

nothing about his words are intentionally meant to hurt, and chris knows that, but for some reason they do. probably because he doesn’t want to hear the truth, or start coming to terms with the fact that he actually did lose you.

he really doesn’t ever want to accept it.

but his ego won’t let him say that. instead, chris shifts his gaze to observe the rest of the room, at all of his teammates, before focusing on connor once again.

“if you don’t think that i’m your captain anymore then find a new one.” he spits.

the room somehow gets even more quiet; everyone is stunned by the out-of-character reaction. for the most part, chris really is a good leader. they all voted for him to represent the team when it came time, and the group dynamic has been great since then.

but he doesn’t feel like that guy now. he’s not sure who he is anymore. so he throws the rest of his equipment into his bag and yanks it over his shoulder.

“really, chris?” it’s ben this time, who’s clearly dumbfounded by the theatrics.

he doesn’t respond, and he tries not to hesitate too much as he makes his way out of the locker room. everyone lets him pass, which makes it even harder to leave.

it feels so wrong, but his feet keep pushing him forward regardless.

when chris finally makes it home twenty minutes later, the frustration has only festered. he doesn’t like anything he’s doing, and yet it’s spiraling out of his control. by the time he gets to his room, tears of aggravation have made their way down his face.

he wipes them away harshly as he stares out his window at your room, which is still closed off by your curtains. it’s like his heart seizes up just from being this close to you, knowing that you’re in there yet he can’t reach you.

and maybe that’s the problem. chris loves hockey, but at the end of the day he clearly loves you more. and with things the way that they are, his heart is fully wrapped up in you, not the game.

it’s terrifying, and it’s painful. he never thought that there’d be anyone to test his bachelor lifestyle until you came around, and he can’t just go back to normal because he doesn’t know how.

he’s been permanently changed, and it feels like a huge part of his new life is suddenly missing.

you saw the deepest parts of him, parts that he didn’t even know existed, and he saw the same side of you. you challenged him in ways he’d never experienced, and he loved that he always felt like he was evolving when you were together.

now he just feels stagnant, unsure of himself.

the only thing he’s sure of is that he needs you, whether that makes him inconsiderate or not. he can’t keep sleepwalking through life, but he’s not sure what else there is to do.

simply put, he misses you like hell. so he lays back in bed and closes his eyes, trying to remember what it felt like to have you right beside him.

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byuljoonie · 1 year ago

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moonlight // knj

I’m sorry baby I’m just really hot…

pairing: namjoon x reader

genre: one shot, slight angst, fluff, growing tension, boyfriend material, extreme smut, desperation, succubus intentions…

word count: 5k+ (sorry)

warnings: mentions of mature topics, spit, namjoon driving lmao, thigh humping bcs desperate, throat goat, dom!sub, dom rm!sub reader, alcohol consumption, probably a good amount of swearing, post-gym namjoon, grocery store activities, slight car play, teasing, oral, summer night, riding, overstimulation, a little masochism

summary: namjoon promised to go to the grocery store with you after the gym (extended ending on ao3)

note: just had what cody ko and noel would call a “power thought.” I literally just had a spark of inspiration bcs it’s really hot in the south right now and Namjoon’s vogue cover is to die for. enjoy and feel free to check out any of my playlists while reading. Sorry for any little mistakes. gonna make a tag list after I post 10 works! -ash (wrote this draft a few months ago so it might be slightly more extreme than expected.)

My reflection stared back at me, tracing the movement of the cloth against my skin. The long slit of the black fabric starts by the left knee and leaves an opening at the bottom of the dress. My manicured feet sat firmly against the hardwood bedroom floor, grounding me away from my persistent thoughts. I grabbed my sunglasses from the stand mounted on the cream walls and turned swiftly on my heels. Abandoning the mirror with a grimace on my face.

I loved this dress very much, the long sleeves light and airy protecting me from the harsh summer rays. The way it hugs my figure is like someone familiar. The same someone that bought this dress for me. He crossed my mind once more sending another surge of anger through me.

Namjoon promised to come along to the grocery store with me today but he’s been at the gym for almost 2 hours now. He said he’d only be gone an hour but an hour quickly turned to two, now I’m dressed and past ready to go. I hated going to crowded stores, at this rate we’ll never beat the after-work rush.

I sat on the bed putting on my anklet he gifted me for our 3 year anniversary. Yet another gift that I’m wearing today, being spoiled ruining my plans of holding a grudge tonight on our date. I slipped on some black socks and made my way towards the door. Listening as the front door swings open with a beep of the automatic keypad.

I excitedly descend the stairs, my black dress sweeping the floor behind me beautifully like a wedding gown flowing in the summer breeze. The second step I’ve already failed at trying to be mad at him.

“Baby! Where you at?” He says deep voice roaring through our apartment. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs almost running into his chest. He smiled at me taking in all of my body, returning to my eyes after his brief but thorough inspection.

“Right here NAMjoon,” I stated putting extra emphasis on his surname. I watched as his chest rose and fell with every breath, his skin glistened with sweat. Tan skin accentuating his muscular frame, my mouth parted slightly at the sight. He looked heavenly I almost lost my composure.

“I’m sorry I took so long Y/N my trainer wouldn’t let me leave until the workout was complete,” he said walking towards me. Smirking at the way my eyes followed his every movement.

“You look so gorgeous Princess, this dress is perfect for you,” he said pulling me into a tight embrace. Grabbing a handful of my ass as he reached over to rest his chin on my shoulder. I yelp in surprise at the sudden groping, melting into his body and giving up on being angry. I wanted to take him right now but first, we need food or we’ll be eating out for another week before we have time to shop again.

“Whatever Joon go shower we have to leave as soon as possible and you’re stinky,” I said pulling away from him and then standing on my tippy toes to kiss him quickly. He kissed me back beginning to deepen it before I push him away again. I give him a knowing look and bid him goodbye as I walk to the kitchen to make him a snack to eat in the car. The store was about a 25 minute drive from us but it was worth it for the produce.

I grab a few ingredients from the fridge to make him a nice sandwich with an everything bagel. I prepared everything quickly and put it in a small ziplock bag next to my purse. I heard Namjoon exiting our bedroom 15 minutes later, humming a sweet tune in his beautiful vibrato.

“Come on babe I already have the car warming up,” he said grabbing my hand and lightly pulling me next to him. He’s wearing a light brown shirt with a pair of distressed blue jeans. Looking as handsome as always I drink in his appearance for eternity. We walked to the elevator quietly, Namjoon tapping away on his phone until the elevator doors opened to be let us out.

As we walk towards our car I begin to sweat a little, the setting Sun still scorching my skin like its’ noonday twin. I started to speed up a little pulling Namjoon along so I could feel the relief of the A/C sooner than later. He swung the door open for me making sure my dress wasn’t in the way before shutting the door.

Namjoon jumps in quickly closing the door before the heat could penetrate the closed air. It still wasn’t cool enough in here, with the sun beaming directly on our vehicle the A/C felt like lukewarm hell. I let down the window hastily fanning myself as we pulled out of the parking lot.

After I few minutes of fanning and desperation, I looked over and behold a sight that would make any woman yearn in an instant. A head of sweat moved swiftly down the expanse of Namjoons golden jaw. Resting at the base before dropping down onto his slightly exposed shoulder. His lips rose colored from his unconscious biting. I wanted to reach over and swallow him whole, I crave him so bad I can’t help but squeeze my legs together at the thought.

I was so caught up in my sinful thoughts I didn’t notice him glance over at me. A twinkle in his eye set off the indication of a torturous idea. Namjoon placed his large hand on my thigh, causing me to tense up instantly. Before I could utter a word he reached over my leg and grabbed his sandwich from my lap.

His smile turning into a stifled laugh as he continued to stare straight ahead. I must have let out the small noise I was holding in because he seemed to know exactly what would tick me off right now. I turned my attention towards the windshield trying to focus on the passing cars and people watching. Then an idea popped into my head.

I pull out my phone and open the group chat I have with our 6 best friends. I stop and think of what to type before another brilliant idea is brought to me. I pose provocatively making sure my cleavage was “present,” in my photo. I took a couple of pictures, some with sunglasses and some staring at Namjoon. He patiently drove, oblivious to my sly intentions. He hummed along to one of his favorite songs looking over at me to shoot me a wink.

I giggled and looked away almost feeling bad for what I’m going to do. Yet not bad enough because I went ahead and sent the photos with a message. “Should I post these on my close friends? I don’t know if I look good enough today…” I said ending with a sad face. It didn’t take long for our phones to simultaneously vibrate. Secretly glancing over at Namjoon, I unlock my phone knowing he can’t check his until we’re in the lot.

Hobi ddaeng: You look great !! Of course, you should post it, Namjoon talk some sense into her.

Me: He’s driving right now. I didn’t ask for his opinion yet I want to hear you guys first :)

Park Chanel: ooooh…I see…

Park Chanel: If you don’t post the pictures I will! Wow wow you look beautiful. Nice..dress and necklace.

I looked down at my neck realizing I didn’t wear a necklace today. Oh Jimin you’re evil Namjoon is going to kill me and you. I laughed a little at his crude behavior and read the next incoming message.

Yoongi: You’re gonna get hit Jimin *laughing emojis*

Me: mmm just because you guys said so I will post it hehe

Before I could read the next response I felt the car shake as we pulled into the grocery store parking lot. I quickly went on my sns and posted two of the pictures on my close friends. Picking the two the boys liked the most. I was starting to get nervous, I know how possessive he is with me and I’m the same but I want revenge for making me frustrated.

Namjoon pulls into an open parking spot almost near the front of the bustling building. I take off my seatbelt with a click grabbing my purse from my lap and swinging the door open. I wanted to beat Namjoon inside before he could read the texts and catch me. As I hurriedly closed the door I saw him reading the messages, jaw tensing with rage.

I hear him call my name from the car and a slam of a car door followed behind the sound of his sexy voice. His long legs easily closing the space between us as he grabbed my hand, squeezing it while looking at me. I put my shades on ignoring his questions. Stroking the back of his hand as I never break eye contact with the automatic sliding doors.

“Can you get us a cart pet?” I froze at the nickname. He knows what he’s doing, and I don’t plan on breaking that fast. I let go of his hand briefly going to grab the first cart I saw. Cleaning the handle before strutting back over to my boyfriend as he eyed me intensely.

I let him grab the cart from me but not before pulling him down to whisper in his ear. “Anything for you Daddy..” I say in a hushed tone. Making sure to leave a kiss on his sensitive earlobe as I pull away.

I walk forward trying not to laugh at the silly nickname I used to get him riled up. He trailed behind me, failing to hide his blatant staring at my ass. We make our way down the aisles trying to speed up the process as people begin piling into the store.

“Joonie baby I can’t reach this,” I said struggling to reach the box of goldfish on the top shelf. He moved over to me in a flash, pressing his front flush against my back. I heard his breathing stop as I purposely pushed my ass against him.

“This one, this one, this one, or this one…” He trailed off purposely picking the wrong boxes to tease me. He finally grabbed the correct item and tossed it in the cart. Walking away as if he didn’t leave me speechless and flustered on the cracker aisle.

I follow him to the snack aisle after grabbing a few bottles of wine and champagne for our date tonight. The empty aisle presents another opportunity for me to assert my dominance. I walk over to the chips looking at them inquisitively as if I’m mocking a character.

“Honey do you want this kind or this kind?” I said while bending over. Making sure to sway slowly as I wait for an answer. “Babe? Which-“ I was cut short as a hand firmly grabbed my ass causing me to yelp in surprise and sit up straight.

“I want this one right here,” he growled in my ear. I turned around and looked at him, watching his eyes darken with hunger. “Let’s get outta here yeah?” He questioned looking into my eyes. I nodded furiously ready to exit this hell and get home to what’s waiting.

We race to the self-checkout line, scanning and bagging groceries like a 5000-dollar prize is awaiting the winner. Namjoon grabbed my hand after he paid and pulled me along with him as he pushed the basket with his other hand. He was so warm, skin clear and kissable. I wanted to pull him aside and cover him in kisses, not caring about the people around us.

Namjoon unlocks the car as we stop beside it. I move to walk around the cart but he stops me in my tracks. “Let me help you get the groceries in the car love,” I say looking confused at his sudden maneuver.

Unexpectedly, he opened the car door and motioned for me to get inside. I insisted again that I help but he gave me a look that I know better than to disobey. I got inside praying I didn’t anger him too much. I set myself up for this one, didn’t I? It’ll be worth it in the end right? Maybe I went a little too far with the texts but I can’t help but shiver with anticipation. I pull out my phone to text Jimin about my bad decisions.

Me: I think I fucked up lol

Park Chanel: you’re welcome ;)

Namjoon slams the trunk shut causing me to jump in surprise. I close my phone sitting it in the cup holder beside me. He gets in the car, jaw still tense as he turns the key in the ignition. I thought about breaking the silence but the tension was so thick a knife would recoil at the slight pressure of penetration. Namjoon puts on his seatbelt then proceeds to look at me.

“ I don’t want to hear another peep from you Y/N..” he starts lowly not breaking eye contact for a second. “You’ve done enough for tonight, if you do anything stupid I swear I will pull the car over and take you on the side of the road. I promise you wouldn’t want that.” He deadpans and looks away from me, pulling out of the parking spot. I utter a soft okay and prepare to behave the rest of the way home.

I slide my palm over to his free hand resting on his thigh. I stare firmly at him, giving my best puppy eyes in return. He doesn’t look away from the road but I watch as his lip twitches into a small smile. He grabs my hand, rubbing his large thumb over the back of my hand. In love can’t begin to describe how I truly feel about this man.

I laugh as he tries to sing along to Smoke Sprite, raspy voice blending well with Soyoon. I rap along to his part of the song, stealing the spotlight and making him bop his head in excitement. The song finishes and we’re about 10 minutes from our place. I check my phone and see a text from our group chat, making the recent grocery store escapades flash through my mind. I want him to touch me again, I like it when he’s desperate and needy for me.

Another terrible idea floods my brain accompanied by a mound of outcomes. I suddenly let go of Namjoons hand causing him to spare me a confused expression. A smile graced my face as I turned my body forward, grabbing the slit of my dress and opening it over my legs. I let my left hand run down the front of my dress, stopping at my panties hesitating even.

I slide my hand under the fabric immediately coming in contact with the soft skin. I dip my fingers and get to work. I began letting out dramatized moans and grunts. I moan Namjoon's name and furiously let my hand lose control. I looked over and saw Namjoon gripping the steering wheel in frustration. Sweat adorned his angelic face, veins prominent in his hands. I let this go on until we reached the last stop light near our apartment building. I sat up and closed my legs acting like I didn’t just masturbate next to my boyfriend in a moving car.

We pull into the lot entering our designated spot. Namjoon quietly turned off the engine and released a sigh that he seemed to have been holding in. He looks absolutely pissed and it’s so sexy. His erratic breathing only made me wetter by the second.

“You’re going to follow my instructions carefully. I don’t want to hear a word from you or tonight will be your worst fucking nightmare got it?” He questioned angrily letting his eyes trail over my body once more. I nodded too scared to move an inch more.

“Go upstairs, get undressed, wait in the middle of the bed. If you’re not in that spot when I come up there in 15 minutes, you better pray you can stop time.” He seethes hotly. “Yes sir,” I say scared and ready for more. He gets out of the car walks around and opens my door. He grabs my purse from my lap holding eye contact, his brown almond eyes dark and predatory.

“Go.” He states motioning for me to exit the vehicle. I get out swiftly, grabbing my purse from his hand and sprinting towards the entrance of the building. The elevator took an eternity to bring me to our floor. I ran to the door and shakily put in the passcode, messing up a few times before it finally let me in.

My shoes are off in a flash, I leave my purse by the door as well abandoning my shades on the counter as I run past to the stairs. I burst into our room, slipping my dress off. Almost fell as I grabbed my silk lavender robe hanging on the wall. I threw it on and climbed onto the bed. My anklet glowed in the natural light seeping through the parted curtains. The front door swung open slamming against the wall.

I heard shuffling, cabinets opening and closing for 10 more minutes before his heavy footsteps echoed through our hallway. He walked into the room eyeing me before raising an eyebrow. I started to sweat nervously hoping I did what I was told.

“Who told you to put on your robe Y/N?” He questioned in amusement. He slowly walked over to me, grabbing each side of the robe and ripping it open. He discarded it onto the floor and stalked around the bed, he stood at the front motionless. “On your knees in front of me, now.” He said and I immediately left the bed. I swung my legs over the side and dropped to my knees.

Namjoon watched me through lidded eyes as I crawled over to him on my knees, stopping directly in front of his growing bulge. I was quick to unlatch the hook of his buckle, the metal of the belt clinging as it hit the hardwood floors.

“I’ll excuse the robe mishap since you’re so eager to taste me doll face,” he said reaching down to grab my chin. A loud moan echoed through the room as he grabbed my hair and yanked my head back. He looked down at me, motioning his head back as if telling me to open up. I did as I was told and watched as he spit in my mouth and closed it back. He pulled his pants down and kicked them to the side.

“Good girl, now eat.” He said intensely. He hummed in satisfaction, eyes never leaving the way I wrapped my fingers around his cock and finally engulfed his length into the warmth of my mouth. I took him in slowly inch by inch, his girth heavy against my tongue as I extended my jaw wider and wider. I choked a little as he hit the back of my throat.

“You look so fucking gorgeous with your lips wrapped around me, pet,” his fingers tightened into my hair, his gaze stoic and heavy on me. Pet. The pet name earned a moan from me as I began a steady rhythm of sucking. My fingers were coated in a thick layer of saliva, Namjoon’s cock easily sliding against my pressured grip as my cheeks hollowed, jaw growing sore from my strenuous movements.

He groaned loudly, fucking my throat faster until I could no longer take it. I let my jaw go slack so he could use me as his personal toy. He grabbed my face and fucked it harder until I was seeing stars. A beautiful repetition of my name strung from his tongue, stilling as he came into my mouth. I happily swallowed every drop, coughing around his cock one last time, sending a shiver through his body.

“Good job, get on the bed I want to taste you. I can see you dripping on the floor,” he smirks as he picks me up and helps me onto the bed. He walks around and gets in the middle of the bed, watching me as I sit patiently waiting for instructions.

“Come here baby, sit on my face,” he motioned for me to come to him. I slowly crawled towards him, bracing myself on his lap. He kissed me roughly, tasting himself on my tongue, running his hand down to play with my chest. Nipples sensitive to the touch, he pulls away from me, taking my right breast in his mouth. Sucking and nibbling on me, teasing me. He pulled off with a pop, scooting further down the bed and then lifting me so I could move towards his face.

I place my hands on the headboard hovering over his face in anticipation. He suddenly grabs my thighs and pulls me down onto him. I scream out in pleasure as he dives into my center. Feverishly lapping his tongue at my pussy like it’s the last time he’ll have me. His moans send intense vibrations through my body, making me scream his name. We’ll have a noise complaint tomorrow.

I felt my orgasm coming on, riding his tongue until my legs were sore. He let go of my left thigh to slap my ass hard, signaling me to cum on his tongue. I came with a loud groan of his name. Shaking and twitching as I came down from my high.

Namjoon grabbed my hips, gently guiding me down to his lap. His face was covered in my essence, from nose to chin, he glistened like an Angel. He smiled and rubbed circles on my tummy as he watched me shake.

“Don’t think we’re done darling, I’m not finished until I see my cum dripping down your pretty legs.” He gave me one last smile before his eyes darkened once more. He grabbed my hips and lifted me slightly, sticking his girth fully inside me. I sank slowly, letting him fill me to the brim. Tears streamed down my cheeks loving the painful stretch in my core.

“Ride me until I say stop.” He deadpanned motioning for me to move or else. I started to ride him painfully slow, not being able to take much more. This was my opportunity to finally seize control. I picked up the pace, rhythmic grunts and sounds of skin slapping filled the room. I put my hands on his chest and let my hips do the talking.

I ground down harder, spelling his name with every swift motion of my hips. I felt his cock twitch inside of me, indicating he was close already. Now that I have control I’m going to make him feel everything he did to me. I moved faster, causing the bed to shake and tremble with every shout of his name.

He grabbed my hips trying to make me slow down but I only grind down harder. Clenching and tightening around him to send me him over the edge. I watched as his orgasm roared through him, eyes rolling to the back of his head. I kept moving, milking everything from him. Getting closer to my orgasm, I let myself go with one last yell of his name.

Squeezing my eyes shut as I finally stilled. The sound of heavy breathing filled the room, the bed creaking as I rolled off of him. Shivering as the empty feeling overtakes me when he’s not inside of me. “I hope I didn’t get too carried away,” I started while looking over at my completely wrecked boyfriend.

“That was perfect.” He said smiling over at me. He slowly stood up, going to our bathroom to retrieve a towel. He returned momentarily, cleaning me off and then cleaning himself. Throwing the towel in the hamper against the wall. I was so exhausted I could barely move. I got under our giant duvet, getting comfortable fairly quickly.

Namjoon glanced at me, nestled under the warm blankets, my eyes getting heavy with exhaustion. He promised me a special date night and he was determined to make it happen, even if he just put me to sleep. With a gentle smile, his aftercare continued.

“Hey, babe,” he whispered softly, brushing a strand of loose hair from my face. “I know you’re tired but I don’t want our date night to go to waste.”

I yawned in response and mumbled sleepily, “Joonie I’m so comfy right here.” Earning a chuckle from him, my reluctance seeped through the atmosphere. “I know, but trust me, you won’t regret it. I’ve got something in the living room set up for us.”

That caused me to sit up, curiosity overcoming my fatigue. “Oh? What is it?” I said carefully. “It’s a surprise, but I promise it’ll be worth it.” He said leaning in to plant a kiss on my forehead.

With his gentle encouragement, I reluctantly pushed the covers aside and allowed Namjoon to help me out of bed. He passed me the discarded robe and my slippers, and together we made our way to the living room.

Where soft candlelight flickered with a movie on the screen waiting to be played. As I settled onto the couch I couldn’t help but smile at the effort Namjoon had put into creating this romantic haven. A charcuterie board with our favorite snacks and 2 bottles of the wine we purchased earlier were on the coffee table.

Namjoon plopped down beside me, taking my hand in his. “See princess? Our date night in the living room isn’t so bad, is it?” He said grinning like he won the lottery. My fatigue began to dissipate as I basked in the warmth of Namjoon's love and effort. “Not bad at all,” I said, feeling grateful for his consistency and thoughtfulness.

“Let’s start the movie I’m so excited!” I exclaimed pumping my fist in the air embarrassingly hard. Namjoon laughed and mimicked me, making me laugh even harder than before. The first half of the movie went by as we stuffed our faces with food and downed wine like it was our last supper. I was starting to feel tipsy and before I knew it my thoughts started wandering again.

“Mmm, these snacks are-“ Namjoon started as he reached for the charcuterie board. I interrupted his thought by grabbing his hand. Namjoon looked at me puzzled, “huh?” He says in surprise. I move closer and settle onto his lap. “I want to be closer to you,” I said, hands resting on his toned chest.

Namjoon blinked at me, a tipsy smile forming on his lips, “Well I can’t argue with that pet.” I look into his eyes exploring the galaxies I can reach within them. “You know, I love nights like these, just you and me, a movie, some wine…” I rambled to him.

“Yeah, me too. It’s moments like this when I realize how lucky I am to have you in my life baby.” He said while lost in my eyes. Searching for something, something that he knows I have. I leaned in slowly, our lips almost touching, “I love you Namjoon.” I kissed him before he could respond. Feeling his emotions spill into our kiss. He pulled us apart gently, rubbing his hand on my cheek. “I love you too Y/N.”

He grabbed my face and captured my lips again. A thief that could do no wrong in my eyes, I deepened the kiss craving more of him. Needing to feel something more. I slowly began moving my hips on his thigh, grinding down onto the exposed skin, earning a guttural groan from his throat.

His hands moved down the side of my body, exploring every curve, touching every mark he left on me this evening. He landed on my hips, guiding me to my last orgasm with his strong hands. The air was hot once more, soft moans and sweet nothings penetrated the quiet.

The movie is long forgotten, the candlelight coating the walls in a beautiful golden glow. I felt my orgasm building quickly, still sensitive from the earlier assault on my clit. Namjoon began bouncing his leg, adding more pressure on my center, and sending me over the edge.

I kiss him one last time before I fall fast asleep on him.

The end.

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astraariel · 4 months ago

Text

flores amarillas (a devotion of love)

pairing: fili x mexican!reader (kinda?)

summary: after being thrown into Middle Earth randomly, Fili surprises you with an act of love, reminding you of your life back home.

september 21st - when someone gives someone else yellow flowers on this day, it means you have undying loyalty and love for that person and can be used as a symbol wishing to spend the rest of your days with that person.

word count: 2.4K

warnings: none

tags: tooth-rotting fluff; nobody dies/everyone lives!au; modern character in middle earth!au

author’s note: I am so sorry for being gone for a whole year, oops. here is a fic I wrote in a couple of hours bc I randomly got the urge to write again… my hyperfixation of lotr/the hobbit has made it’s return so I hope you guys love Fili as much as I do <3

so when I daydream, obviously I do it by how it pertains to myself and my culture so this technically is a mexican!reader insert since it's a holiday from my culture BUT it’s a cute holiday nonetheless so I wanted to write about it. this will probably be the only specific reader fic I write because I don’t want to narrow my broadness bc I try to write for any READER! (ig I also write just fem!reader but I digress)

am I posting this a month after the date? yes, yes I am. but who cares! I still wanted to write this and I think it will help me get out of my slump and make me try to write more…

for the sake of the fic (and my mind) the dwarves have the same calendar system as us... I can not mentally try to convert when September 21st would be for them lol. anyways, enjoy and ignore any grammar mistakes♡

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

The sound of your footsteps echoed around the grand halls of Erebor, the quiet murmurs and shuffling of all the dwarves doing their jobs filled the air as you walked toward the gates.

Thorin had dismissed Fili of his duties for the day as crown prince, allowing him to skip all his meetings he normally would be in attendance to.

As soon as Fili had gotten the news, he ran to find you so he could make sure to steal you away for the day.

So here you currently were, making your way to where Fili was so he could surprise you with whatever he had planned for your date.

Looking back on your life now to what it was back in your world, was bizarre to say the least. You’ve grown accustomed to your new life here in Middle Earth, but it had taken you a bit to adjust to it. Having been fond of the books made you excited to live and breathe the words you had read as a kid in real life.

Finding yourself stumbling around the Shire at the same time when the company had been instructed to meet at Bilbo’s house, changed your life for the better.

Once Thorin had begrudgingly allowed your presence into the company, you quickly learned how the quest had been a long and exhausting one. Hours and hours of the dwarves grilling you on where you came from, what your world was like, and what you were doing there had your head spinning. Eventually, it turned from weariness to genuine curiosity so you had found yourself on quiet nights around the fire, surrounded by thirteen dwarves, a hobbit, and a wizard telling them about random facts from your world.

The company slowly began warming up to you in their own ways, but you grew exceptionally close to the two younger brothers.

Many nights with Fili and Kili had you going on and on about your life back home. Kili’s incessant questions and curiosity allowed you to run your mouth over and over about random aspects of your life and made you grow fond of him immediately. Fili, on the other hand, was a bit quieter, shaking his head at his brother’s antics and having more thoughtful questions that had you reminiscing on old memories.

Nonetheless, you began to care for them even with the many nights that had you dreading the end of the quest and the final battle that the dwarves found themselves in before reclaiming their homeland.

You originally didn’t want to get close to any of them, the fact that you already knew their fate and they didn't, ate at you everyday. You kept your distance at first, the anticipatory grief already settling in once you had made eye contact with the brothers that very first day was already too much. And yet, you still found yourself laughing and opening up to them throughout the quest.

Especially Fili.

His blue eyes captivated your mind, they beckoned you to get closer to him, to ask him questions about his life back home in the Blue Mountains. About his childhood, his hobbies, his likes and dislikes; he made you fall in love with him after your very first conversation.

Of course, you couldn’t voice that. He was the crown prince, who was currently on a quest to reclaim his motherland.

And of course also because…the ending.

You weren’t sure how your presence in Middle Earth and on the quest would affect the outcome, but if you couldn’t change what happened, you wanted to save yourself that grief.

And yet, when Fili presented the courting bead he had been creating late at night during the journey, you accepted it wholeheartedly.

You were a selfish creature.

Thankfully, you did everything in your power to keep everyone alive, after long and anxious nights of sitting by all of the Durin’s beds they all healed from the battle and began their new lives in Erebor.

You began your new life in Erebor as well, with Fili.

A voice shouting your name shook you from your thoughts.

“Amrâlimê, you look beautiful as ever.” Fili came into view as you processed his comment.

Smiling, you leaned over to kiss him. “Thank you, you look wonderful as well.”

Grinning, he took your hand. “Come, I have an amazing day planned for us, ghivashel.”

♡‧₊˚

Your fingers traced the lines on Fili’s hand as the two of you laid in the grass, still recuperating from the spontaneous race up the hill where you currently both laid atop of.

After a bit of silence, Fili’s voice rang in your ear. “Did you have fun, my love?”

Sitting up on your arm, you look over at him. “Of course I did, I always enjoy myself when I’m with you.”

Fili looks over at you, “Flattery,” he grabs your hand and kisses it, “careful fair maiden, you may just create an admirer out of me with your words.”

Giggling at your mushy banter, you smile over at him. His golden waves framed his face perfectly in the fading daylight. His eyes crinkling in happiness as he looked over at you made you swoon inside.

Fili stands abruptly, extending his hand out to you. “Come, follow me, I figured we could have a picnic under the stars like old times.”

Fili leads you off to the side into a fenced off area where you knew the few botanist dwarves cultivated their flowers.

Once the two of you entered, your eyes were met with a blanket in the middle of the garden with an area of food and desserts displayed along with blankets that the two of you could use for the coming night chill.

“When did you do this? You were with me all day?” Your confused face followed Fili’s figure that was walking toward the sitting area.

Fili sends you a cheeky grin. “I may or may not have bribed Kili to do this for me with the guarantee that I’d cover for him with Uncle so he can sneak off with Tauriel next week.”

Scoffing, you shake your head. “Kili will do anything but confront Thorin about being with Tauriel, he needs to just suck it up and tell your Uncle he’s in love with an elf.”

Fili hums in agreement as he guides you further toward the blanket. You situate yourself as you look over the treats that Fili (Kili) had laid out for you.

The two of you quietly begin snacking as you gaze at the sky when Fili breaks the silence. “I’m very lucky to have you, amrâlimê, I thank whatever power that put you in my world because I was able to meet and love you.”

Rolling your eyes, you turn away from Fili, “you're so sappy.” Glancing at him again you smile, you never will get used to his random confessions of love he does. You don't think the butterflies will ever go away, he constantly makes your heart want to burst out of your chest with how fast it always beats around him.

The amount of love you have for Fili has never been like anything you’ve experienced. Whenever you think or look at him your heart swells, just being in his presence sends a calming effect through you and yet simultaneously, a tsunami of intense emotion. You've never had any love like it before.

You agreed with what he said, you truly thank whatever power placed you in the Shire when it did.

“I know we don’t really see each other often since I'm so busy-” Fili begins.

“Fee, I know you have responsibilities, I understand.”

Fili just stares and smiles at you for a second. “I know you do, Mahal, I love you so much.” After a split second he says, “I’ll be right back.”

The random shift of tone catches you by surprise eliciting a laugh from you, “What?”

“I’ll be right back!” He gives no other explanation before running off in a direction leaving you.

“Ok?” You’re left confused, but amused at your lover’s antics.

A few minutes pass by before you hear footsteps returning, your head turns in the direction of the sound and you find Fili’s figure holding something behind his back.

“What are you hiding,” you giggle, “What’s behind your back, Fee?” Leaning over you try to get a glimpse at the mystery behind him.

He doesn't say anything as he bends down to get on his knee so he can be closer at your eye level to your figure reclining on the ground.

You look at him expectantly waiting for him to start.

“I wanted to make this a grand gesture, but I was panicking and Kili’s fed up with me constantly going on and on about this day but…”

Titling your head, you question, “This day?”

Fili seems to stop his rambling and pulls his arms from behind. “It’s the 21st of September.”

You let out a surprise gasp before sitting up. You had noted on the calendar in your room that it was the 21st but expected nothing from it since you weren't in your own world.

And yet here was Fili, kneeling with yellow flowers held out in front you.

Your eyes scan over the array of yellow flowers that were held carefully with white paper in Fili’s hands.

“How did you-?”

Fili smiles, “During the quest, remember?”

Your mind combed through your memories, attempting to recall the conversation.

The company had been unknowingly making the journey to Rivendell (under Gandalf’s expense) which had evoked Kili’s curious side from the exhausting trek. You and the two brothers were walking side by side toward the back, when Kili had posed you with a new question from your life back in your world.

“Tells us more about your culture,” Kili nudges you, “not just your world but you specifically.”

Catching you by surprise, you think quickly for an answer. “Hmm…well from where I’m from, there's a specific day that a person may use to confess how they feel about you.” You're not really sure what compelled you to mention this specific custom, but your mouth opened before your mind could keep up with it.

Kili’s eyes brightened with your response, so you knew you’d have to unfortunately continue with the train of thought.

“Well, on the 21st of September, if someone gives you yellow flowers, it has meaning. A lot of people from my culture see receiving yellow flowers on this day as being a very important and caring act. It’s to some, very intimate, because not many express their emotions like this so when a person does, the significance is extraordinary.” Your eyes flick back to the brothers.

Clearing your throat, you looked forward in embarrassment.

Great. You’ve just opened that can of worms out to the two brothers who you’ve barely met, as well as whoever else was currently eavesdropping in your conversation.

Not having felt the change in air with you, Kili continued to ask, “Have you been gifted yellow flowers before?”

Still not making eye contact with either of the brothers, you sighed. “No, I have not.” Clicking your tongue you continued, “I think perhaps it’s because the people who I have dated didn’t know about the meaning. I mean, even if they did, I don’t think the flowers would mean much because the relationships never worked out.” You shrugged lamely.

It’s not like you’re admitting all your past relationships were a bust, it just wasn't the type of love that was true. If any of your exes had gifted you yellow flowers, you're not sure if it would’ve had the type of impact you’ve always imagined. All your relationships had their highs, but they also had their lows, hence why they all ended and why none of them had gifted you your yellow flowers.

You still had the hopeless romantic thought that The One would come into your life and you’d know if they were The One if they gifted you your flores amarillas like you've dreamed of.

“Ah, well that’s interesting!” You looked over as Kili smiled at you, apparently losing interest in the conversation. Glancing at Fili, you noted that he seemingly wasn't paying attention to your entire spiel; thankfully in his own thoughts.

Your mind reels back from the memory. You knew exactly why you didn't remember that because you were embarrassed for the rest of the day because you had gotten emotional during the conversation. While you were already getting close to the brothers, you still were embarrassed that so early on you had opened up about your pathetic love life so much that you blocked it from your mind.

“I thought you weren’t listening when I was talking about that to Kili?” You questioned.

“Of course I was listening, every time you spoke I was captivated.” Fili’s smile softens.

Biting your lip in an attempt to stop yourself from grinning, you let him continue.

“When you had answered Kili's question with that, it took me by surprise but I found myself enamored by the way you spoke about the custom. So when I heard you speak about your culture, I knew it meant a lot to you not only due to the meaning but because it reminded you of your world.” He reaches a hand toward you, “While I am thankful you're here with me, I know that you also were pulled from the world you knew, so by talking about your culture it comforted you.”

Your eyes began to water, God, you truly loved him.

“I knew I wanted to incorporate this day in our lives so I thought what better yet than to propose to you with something that reminded you of your culture back home.”

Your eyes widen, “I knew you were my One the moment I set eyes on you. So, will you marry me, amrâlimê? Will you grant me the privilege of spending the rest of your life in your new home with me?”

“Of course I’ll marry you, Fili.” Leaping over you toppled both of your bodies to the ground with your hug.

Landing on your sides, Fili pulls away quickly, “Don’t crush your flowers!”

“Oh, oops, sorry.” You laugh before grabbing and smelling the bouquet, “Where’d you get these?”

“Oh, I got them in Dale this morning,”

“Oh my gosh.”

He laughs, “Yeah I’ve been writing to a botanist who has a flower shop in town, because I was wanting real yellow flowers for you.”

“Flores amarillas.”

“What?” Fili looks at you.

“Flores amarillas, it means yellow flowers in Spanish.”

He smiles at you and slowly repeats, “flores amarillas.”

Giggling, you nodded.

Grinning at Fili, you made a mental note to teach him Spanish.

#astraariel♡#the hobbit #fili x reader #fili x you #fili durin #fili #fili x yn #fili x y/n

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toxic-libra · 1 year ago

Text

style - jwy (m)

pairing: wooyoung x fem!reader (interactive here) words: 6.9k genre: second chance romance, smut warnings: 3rd person pov, this is 'based' on style - taylor swift, mentions of old hollywood movies (please watch them bc they're super good), smut with biting, thigh riding, oral (m and f), not my best work but give me a chance pls a/n: i was supposed to post this on his bday, but i was at taylor's concert and lmao i kind of got depressed after and hated everything i wrote. this is my debut with ateez so i wanted it to be perfect, but inspiration just fucked me up and i decided to post it anyway since it's been too long already :(

Jung Wooyoung remembered it all too well. He remembered how the delicate musky sandalwood of her signature perfume made his heart tug whenever she was near, the way his stomach flipped when their eyes met, and how his fingers always itched to be touching hers.

Autumns and winters were always the worst.

He could hear all the lines of Rebecca (1940), one of her favourite movies, whenever someone tried to make small talk with him about the weather.

‘Most girls will give their eyes for a chance to see Monte.’

Clenching his jaw, he locked his phone and tossed it aside, trying to digest the fact he was the one who took that damn picture and she decided to post it just when it had been two months since they las saw each other. Not that she was as considerate as to block him so he wouldn’t spend hours on her social media, feeding on any crumble of appearance she dignified her followers with.

Y/N was petty like that.

She didn’t block him, no. She muted him and vanished from his life, but she didn’t give him the pleasure of not having to erase her from his world. If he wanted her truly gone, then he had to do it himself�� Which, of course, proved to be a failure.

Because he didn’t want her gone. He tried moving on, only it didn’t work.

Wooyoung wondered if she also thought they made a huge mistake.

Turning his streaming service on, he searched for another one of her 40’s TOP5. Clicking on ‘The Shop Around the Corner (1940)’, the Old Fashioned tasted way bitter on his tongue than it should.

With a condescending sigh, he relaxed against his couch, and waited for Klara Novak (played by Margarete Sullavan) and Alfred Kralik (James Stweart – not surprisingly, one of Y/N’s favourite actors) to engage in their enemies to lovers plot as if he didn’t see that damn movie a thousand times already. Only this time, like others during this year apart, she wasn’t around to swoon over any minor interaction and to almost beam in happiness when Mr. Kralik said:

‘Take me out of my envelope and kiss me.’

Oh, there he went again… Quoting old movies like it was part of his personality.

❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆

A month later

Y/N dried her hair and breathed in the woody scent of her haircare products – a tiny bit of her heart warming at the thought of Wooyoung. He used to love how she smelled.

“Are you ready, big sis?” Jongho knocked at her bedroom door.

“Not even close! You can go first, I’ll tag along later.” She yelled back.

“I’ll wait, no problem. I’m afraid I’ll ruin the surprise by mistake.”

“You just wanna make sure you don’t miss his shocked face when he sees me.” She giggled.

“You know me too well.” He sighed in feigned despair. “But do hurry up, please.”

“I’ll try.”

Y/N couldn’t rush everything. She wanted to look so good Wooyoung would almost faint as soon as his eyes laid on her. Not that she wouldn’t almost faint either… Just the perspective of being at the same place he was made her throat dry.

She missed him in ways she never missed anyone else before.

Deciding on the black dress, she admitted that the fact that he loved that colour made her like it even more. The small slit that drew up her right thigh would also catch his attention, and she couldn’t wait to have it all for herself. Her jewellery were ones he gave her over her birthdays, just to poke at their own stupid game. She didn’t spend much time on make-up, choosing to remain simple and classic – eyeliner and red lipstick… Which Wooyoung also liked.

Most men hated being smudged with lip tint, but he adored it.

The first person she saw was Seonghwa. With one of the prettiest smiles that graced humanity, the tall and handsome man approached her with open arms.

“Isn’t this the greatest surprise ever?!” He chuckled, kissing her cheek.

“Glad you like it,” She hugged him tight. “Because I’m back for good.”

“Oh.” Although subtle, Hwa’s smile faltered slightly.

“What?” She frowned.

“Does everyone know you’re back?”

“As of now, just Jjong and you.”

“Right. Makes sense.” He muttered to himself, doing his best not to look over his shoulder. It would be heart wrenching to let Y/N see Wooyoung with his date first thing inside the party.

Of course, she would eventually meet them… There was no way his friend would be as crass as leaving the girl alone because his ex (and the woman he was still in love with) was back in town. Wooyoung could be a little impulsive, but he had manners. And Y/N probably wouldn’t get that hurt from it, but she’d get hurt, nonetheless.

“What makes sense?”

“Oh, the fact that the boys were so quiet. If they knew you were coming, they’d be hyped as fuck.” It wasn’t even a lie, just not exactly the truth. “Let’s grab you a drink and get going, then.”

Hwa’s smile was slightly off, but she didn’t point it out.

Ordering her standard autumn/winter drink – French Connection –, Y/N relaxed against the bar stool. Jongho was nowhere to be seen, which made her a bit insecure. Things were always bit easier when her brother was next to her.

“So, what else is new? How are you guys doing?”

She was fishing for information, obviously. She couldn’t directly ask about Wooyoung because her friends didn’t know they secretly met in Monaco more often than not.

In her defence, the first time happened rather unexpectedly, and it led to a second, and a third… By the fourth, they decided it was better to pretend every time was an accident and keep their friends out of it. Wooyoung normally wouldn’t be this good keeping secrets, however, something in him had shifted. His boyish air had vanished almost completely, leaving his wicked jaw and sharp eyes without the warmth he once carried within him.

He walked with confidence, still. Nonetheless, every move seemed calculated, controlled. The carefree Jung Wooyoung she loved was swept by the future CEO Jung. And while she looked at Seonghwa, she wondered if he had noticed that too.

“We’re fine… We’ll probably be even better with you around now.”

“I hope so.” she grinned as the bartender handed her a glass. “Oh, thank you. Where are the lads? I want to see them. Is everyone here? Hongjoong too?”

With a sigh, he held her hand. “Listen, darling, I’ve something to tell you.”

“Go on.”

“Woo… Wooyoung came here with a girl.”

For a second, Y/N felt the air burning her lungs at the same time someone punched her stomach. Well, she supposed he wouldn’t stay single forever… However, the fact that she had to witness it a month after meeting him was too sour and pitiful. “Oh, I see.” Her voice came out crooked.

“It’s nothing serious, I’m sure. Just a date for the party.” Hwa squeezed her fingers tenderly. “You know he’s still as much in love with you as you are with him.”

But before she could react to his words, her attention laid on the man in question: dressed in a black three-piece suit, his dark long hair was slicked back, only some bangs’ locks falling off from the gel hairstyle. Y/N clenched her jaw, heart thumping so fast she was sure everyone could hear it. Luckily, there was no girl next to him, only her friends.

“Shall we go greet them?” With a haughty pose, one that differed completely from what she felt inside, she tugged at Hwa’s arm, dragging him towards their group.

In slow motion, Wooyoung watched Y/N approach him. When their eyes met, the party seemed to disappear, only the two of them in the ballroom. His fingers flexed on the Old Fashioned glass, demanding a lot of self-control as not to rush to her, hug her tight and kiss her senseless. He couldn’t do that for a thousand reasons, but the impulse was almost cruel.

He still loved her.

He was afraid he’d always love her.

“Long time no see, Wooyoung.” Her smirk was subtle, and there was a twinkle of mirth in her beautiful orbs. The playful tone was laced with politeness, but he knew her all too well.

As if they didn’t see each other a month ago in Monaco, he breathed slowly, letting his lips stretch and mimic hers. “Long time no see, Y/N.”

Straightening her back, her suave pose disappeared as a girl’s hand rolled around his forearm. Then, the jest was replaced by possessiveness, gaze darkening. Jealousy was the lousiest bitch.

“Oh, hello! I’m Lia.”

Well, at least that didn’t come accompanied by ‘His girlfriend’.

“Enchanted. I’m Y/N Choi.”

And since the girl didn’t react at the sound of her name, Y/N supposed she was rather new there. Lia was new enough to not know about her, and wouldn’t stick around enough to do so.

“I can’t believe she’s back!” Hongjoong celebrated, a huge grin on his face and open arms.

“I’m back, Joong.” She agreed, hugging him. “Back for good!”

“That’s awesome!”

“Were you living abroad?” Lia questioned, curious.

Y/N sipped on her drink, cocking her head to the side. “I wouldn’t call it ‘living’, but you could say that, yeah.” It was more like ‘suffering while trying to pretend everything was fine’.

“Why, though?” The quip came from Wooyoung. His eyes were glinting with a mix of grudge and challenge. “I thought you’ve always wanted to move abroad.”

“Where did you live? Europe? The USA?” Lia butted in.

“I spent some time between London and Monaco.”

“Oh my God! Monaco must’ve been a dream! I’ve heard there are some cute guys there, and rich too. Did you meet any? Are they really handsome?”

Y/N chuckled, feeling rather silly for being jealous of that girl. No one would dare to talk about crushes and money in front of a potential boyfriend, so that meant Lia felt nothing for Wooyoung, right? “Oh, I wasn’t feeling like… Meeting new people there.”

Which wasn’t exactly a lie. Why meet any boy if her heart was still set on her ex? Why pretend she could replace him with another rich dude?

She couldn’t, it was pointless.

Not when Monaco screamed them. If she was Taylor Swift, ‘Cornelia Street’ would be called ‘Monte Carlo’. And like Taylor said on her lyrics, Y/N couldn’t walk around any corner of the small principality without being reminded of Jung Wooyoung.

It didn’t help that, although breaking up, they engaged in secret rendezvous more often than not… And each reunion just proved her how any other men paled in comparison to him. It was ridiculous to have an ‘affair’ with her own ex-boyfriend; she always condemned people that broke up and still kept hooking up with each other… Until it happened to her.

To be quite honest, the reason they broke up wasn’t exactly because of bad behaviour. There wasn’t cheating, nor deceiving. They didn’t fall out of love, either – in fact, Y/N was sure she loved him even more with each month apart. However, love alone wasn’t enough to calm her restless mind, and he too seemed eager for… Well, she didn’t know?! Things were just different. The weight of responsibilities and the need to make something, any difference in the world drove them apart.

Wooyoung was taking his position in his father’s business, and Y/N had no idea of what to do with her life (again). She acknowledged her timing was shitty, for he needed something concrete to hold onto while everything changed… But… She was afraid of not being good enough for him. He was becoming the Business Prince he was born to be, and she… She was just the shallow heiress with nothing important on her ‘life curriculum’ that the media thought her to be.

Then, London seemed a good escape.

It was a familiar place, offering her some comfort. Not warm and soothing like Wooyoung’s presence in her existence, but enough to keep her going.

She occupied her mind with a Master’s degree in Creative Writing, and when it was over, she had the overwhelming desire to call Wooyoung and tell him she finally did something about those 68 stories she wrote throughout her writing life.

Now, they were face to face and she didn’t know what to exactly say.

“Right…” Jongho intervened. “Big sis, we should greet some people now.”

And like smoke, Y/N disappeared from his sight for the next hour.

Ordering his third Old Fashioned, Wooyoung recognised the almond-shaped red nails, especially the black onyx ring on her middle finger.

“A Death in The Afternoon, please.” She smiled at the bartender.

“No French Connection?” He looked at her.

“Summer habits die hard.”

“I thought you preferred winter.”

“Any champagne of preference, miss?” The man asked Y/N.

“Veuve Clicquot.” They answered at the same time.

She sighed, biting a faux grin and playing with the gold band on her finger. “I see we still have some stuff in common… Does your date like signet rings?”

Wooyoung was wearing his black onyx signet ring… Y/N’s one twin.

“I’ve no idea; never asked her.” His eyes traced her neck. “No pearls?”

“Not with black satin.” She quoted Rebecca (1940), heart thumping with expectation.

“I thought it was never wearing neither one nor the other.”

Thank God he still remembered the movie!

“You can’t blame me for loving pearls and black satin, I look divine in them.” She jested, flicking her hair in a haughty way. “So, I try not to wear them together.”

Ogling her from head to toe, Wooyoung’s grin was one of a panther, although he felt his stomach tightening and the annoying dryness of his throat. “Cheers to that. You do look divine.”

“Thank you. I put a lot of effort in this.”

“It wasn’t needed. You look good in anything.” ‘Even better if stark naked’, but he obviously wouldn’t say that. Before he could comment on something else, his drink arrived. “Thanks, lad.” Turning to her once more, he kept grinning, although less sincerely. “So, see you around, Y/N.”

“Wait.” She called out before she could stop herself. He just raised his eyebrow, like he used to do whenever giving someone his initial attention. “I was hoping we could talk about my being back home… At some point this weekend, maybe?! Are you free?”

“I’ll be free after the party, if you want.”

“Well, don’t you have other plans with your date?”

“I don’t and you already know that.”

“Why did you invite her?”

“I couldn’t just invite you, could I?” He retorted.

Her jaw clenched, swallowing the apology. They were in public, not the right place to discuss their relationship. “Text me when you’re ready, and we can meet up.”

“Alright.”

“See you later, then, Woo.”

“See ya, Y/N.”

Wooyoung still lived in the same penthouse. It was painful sometimes, for the whole place had a bit of Y/N in it. He kept their photographs, kept the clothes she left behind, kept everything he could. It wasn’t his wisest decision, however, breaking up with her wasn’t one of them either.

And now she was back.

She was back and wanted to talk about it.

Now, way past three in the morning, he wasn’t drunk, but had the weirdest taste on his mouth – something like hope. His heart was beating heavily against his chest, and he couldn’t wait to smell her again. To touch her, kiss her, set every emotion free.

Dragging himself to the mirror of the entrance hall, he combed his hair with his fingers and smoothed out his shirt, opening two buttons just because.

At the sound of the doorbell, he took a deep breath and straightened his back.

“Well…”

The small, almost timid smile Y/N gave him was enough to make his knees wobble.

“Hi there… Uh…” She opened her arms. “Here I am.”

With a chuckle, one that made her eyes water a bit, for it resembled the Old Wooyoung so much, he let his body cage hers, holding her in a tight hug.

Wooyoung always gave the best hugs.

“Hi there, love.” His voice was slightly raspy, quite full of emotion, the nickname slipping past his tongue before he had any chance to keep it locked.

They remained there for a minute or two, feeding on each other’s presence and feeling each other’s warmth as if the sun was finally out after a fortnight-long storm.

“I’m back, Woo.” She said against his torso. “I’m back for good now.”

“And what does it mean?”

Y/N knew he wanted to hear her exact words, even though he already knew why she was there. And, because she loved him so, she didn’t have any problem laying her chest bare for him.

“It means I’m sorry I backed off when you needed support. Sorry I freaked out and thought lowly of me, and ended up hurting you… Hurting us in the process.” She put some distance between them, trying to be as honest as possible. “All this time apart proved to me that you’re my only one and I was really dumb for thinking I could ever move on from you.” She offered him a shy smile. “I wanted to be worthy of you, but I didn’t understand I could do that while being with you. My mind and insecurities blinded me, and I ran away. I hurt you deeply, and I’m so very sorry for it.”

Wooyoung nodded, face serious.

“You did hurt me.” He agreed. “I wondered what had happened, why you stopped loving me.”

“I didn’t.”

“This was clear by our second meeting in Monaco.” His grin was slightly off. “But it angered me that, although we kept seeing each other, you never suggested for us to get back together.”

“I still thought you deserved better.”

“Well, turns out I’m the one who gets to decide who or what is good for me, Y/N. And you were it.” He noticed how her expression dropped, probably due to the use of past tense. And Wooyoung had learned to be cruel to others, his job required him to be cold and controlled, but he could never be like that with Y/N. “And you still are, even though you hurt me.” Her beautiful eyes stared at his, hopeful. “When I saw you at the party tonight, the world slowed down. It’s no use pretending I don’t miss you and I don’t love you; we’re old enough to stop playing these games now. It was alright when you were in Europe, but now you’re back, and I’m not in the mood for halves. So, it’s either all of it, or nothing at all. It’s either starting over together, or ending everything.”

She didn’t hesitate, despite the ultimatum. “I want to start over. I want to be with you.”

“So no running away whenever things get difficult, nor making assumptions, ok?! I’m not one of giving second chances, Y/N.” He warned. “And I’m not interested in having my heart broken again. I hate being like this, hate being sceptical and cold. This isn’t me.”

Y/N nodded. “I won't let my insecurities and paranoia hurt you again.”

“You can talk to me, you know? I want to make you happy, see you happy. If things get hard, I’m more than honoured to be your safe-haven… You don’t have to move to fucking Europe to sort it out.” He rolled his eyes, sounding more like the Wooyoung he once was.

“Want me to pinkie-promise?” She stuck her pinkie out, grinning.

“God, how I’ve missed your inability to take things serious!”

“Hey! I’m mature now.”

“Nah,” He shook his head, one hand cupping her cheek. “You’re mine now.”

“I’ve been yours the whole time, and I don’t plan on running away ever again.”

“Thank God.” Wooyoung whispered against her lips, starting a searing kiss.

Y/N relished in his lips, fingers threading in his dark locks. He tasted like Old Fashioned and home; he felt like the rays of sunshine on a spring day; he smelled like the best mix of spiciness and man. She couldn’t get enough of him, and it was pointless trying to pretend so.

“Woo, I…” Her voice was breathy, conflicted.

“You…?” He frowned, brown eyes fixed on hers. “Should I stop?”

“No, don’t!” She sighed. “It’s just… I don’t know if… There’s something I need to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“I…” Well, they’d agreed to be back together, right? It was better getting it off her chest quickly, so he wouldn’t doubt her later on. “I love you.”

With an easy smile, one that obviously didn’t mirror the flood of emotions, Wooyoung kissed her urgently, again. She sighed against his mouth, tongue quickly searching for his before she lost her last thinking brain cell. It didn’t take more than a minute before a cheeky and feminine hand found its way down his torso, tracing with pointy nails from his belly to his crotch. Wooyoung pulled her hair, pushing her face upwards and changing their kiss angle, then, he groped her ass, relishing on the feeling of her plump bottom and the luxurious velvet of her dress.

Y/N gasped for air, pressing sloppy kisses on his jaw and neck. She gave him small bites, sucking on his skin and mirroring how she would do on more private areas. She untucked his shirt off his trousers and fumbled with his belt, patience running thin.

Why the fuck was he wearing a belt, in the first place?!

“Don’t you dare getting on your knees now.” He warned, predicting her actions.

“Pardon?” She hesitated.

“I’ll come so fast if you give me a blowjob now, we’ll lose all the fun.” There was an adorable blush on his cheeks, despite his mockery tone and bossy warning before.

Her heart tugged at the sight.

“Then we do need a new approach, for I was really hoping to choke on your cum as soon as possible.” Now it was her turn to say something obscene with flushed cheeks.

“May I choke on yours first?” He offered, a smirk growing on his lips.

“By all means.” Y/N giggled, shaking her head in agreement.

Wooyoung pushed her against the wall, eyeing her for a brief second before stealing another kiss. At every stroke of his tongue there was a silent promise; he tried to pour both love and lust in it. Then, he got on his knees, pushing her dress upwards and revealing her legs. Y/N helped him by holding on the skirts, bunching the fabric up next to her waist. She felt his hands on her feet, undoing her shoes, then they were on shins, tickling their way to her thighs until they rested on her bum, kneading at the flesh in pure hunger.

Wooyoung kissed her lower stomach, nibbling lightly at her smooth skin. “I’ve missed you so much.” He murmured against her, grip tightening.

“I’ve missed you too.”

“But I’ve missed you more.”

“Is this a competition?” She eyed him in defiance.

“What if it is?!”

Y/N chuckled, combing his hair out of his forehead.

“Then I won.”

“I don’t think so.” Wooyoung touched her panties, his thumb drawing small circles right on her core. He kissed her right there, his tongue swiping up and down the lace and its warmth travelling through the fabric, making her shiver. “You better hold onto my shoulders, love.”

Y/N moaned loudly, feeling her legs bend a bit and skin tingle. She quickly took her dress off and tossed it aside; getting drunk in the way Wooyoung’s eyes sparkled as he looked up, hypnotised by her boobs. She rested her head against the wall with a loud thud, but pain was the last thing on her mind. Slowly, he rolled her undergarments down and launched his mouth on her, sucking and licking in lazy strokes like those that he knew would drive her insane. His touch, his kisses, his presence… She beamed in joy at the sight of him, and she would regret every second of their breakup because it was a waste of time for both of them. As for Wooyoung, he knew no other woman would compare to her; no one else fitted him as Y/N did.

She tugged at his hair, forcing her hips down to create a bit more friction. His short nails scratched her thighs, bringing her even closer. Normally, she would prefer to lay, but there was something rather wicked about that position, especially knowing that they were by the door… It didn’t matter he lived in the penthouse, she wondered if people on the other floors could listen.

His heart fluttered as she came, the most wicked and lustful moan of his name coming from her lips. Y/N felt gooey, her legs begging for buckling down and resting anywhere… Preferable on a bed… However, Wooyoung seemed to have other plans.

Tugging her by the hand, he brought her to the nearest chair in his living room and sat down with her nestled on his lap. He kissed her jaw, delicately biting at the flesh.

“Ride my thigh, love.” He murmured against her chin. It sounded like a suggestion, but Y/N understood the meaning: an order.

“While you’re wearing trousers?”

“Mm-hm.” He shook his head in agreement, finger pads pinching one of her nipples.

“Won’t it stain?”

Wooyoung’s eyes flew back to hers, a mockery gleam fighting its way beyond the lust.

“Are you trying to gain yourself some minutes?”

Busted.

Ugh, how she hated him for knowing her so well!

“I’m just thinking about how embarrassing it’ll be for those doing your laundry.”

“I’ll do it instead.”

“You? Doing the laundry?!” Y/N grinned in pure jest. “Jung Wooyoung, part-time millionaire and part-time CEO, doing housework?!”

“Full-time millionaire and full-time love of your life, as decided minutes ago.”

“What an amazing career.”

“You just gotta focus on what you do best.” He shrugged, putting on a serious expression though his voice was soft, cheerful even.

“Well, God help me, for you do that perfectly.”

Y/N kissed him, shivering when his arms rounded her waist to pull her closer to his crotch.

“Ride my thigh, Y/N.” Wooyoung said again.

Her eyes flew shut after listening to her name falling from his lips. Promptly, she moved, straddling his leg and rocking her hips against his pants. One of Wooyoung’s hands groped on her ass while the other went up, scratching her ribs on the way to her boobs. His head dipped down, tongue darting around the bud, licking and sucking it as he felt her body tensing.

“It’s too much.” She moaned.

He paid her no mind, keeping the assault until she started trembling.

“Can’t you take it?” He rasped against her collarbones. “Can’t you do it for me?”

Y/N gulped, mouth dry and heart beating so fast she was sure Wooyoung could hear it. She was also sure he knew she would do whatever he wanted as long as he kept making her feel good, so she just went back on grinding on his thigh without answering directly to his question. Besides, words escaped her as her second orgasm approached.

“Fuck, love, you’re fascinating.” it came out breathy, Wooyoung’s teeth sinking onto her shoulder. He felt the spot next to his knee wet, noticed her hips losing strength speed.

It was the second bite that undid her truly. She shook, nails leaving red lines on his backs and arms tightening around his neck, bringing him even closer. Then she collapsed against him, panting. Wooyoung peppered kisses around her jaw, smoothing her hair and praising her for being the best of girls, for obeying him and cumming again.

“Wooyoung,” Y/N croaked. “I’ve made a mess of your trousers.”

“It’s ok, love. We’ll take it off.” He smiled softly. “Are your legs working?”

“Barely, but I can try to stand up.”

“No, no, no. I’ll just put you...” He murmured while pushing her to the side and standing up himself, leaving her on the chair. “See? I’ll take it off.”

“Oh, no, wait!” Y/N slapped his hand. “Let me do this.”

Fuck, he could cum on the spot. She really was at his house, the living room’s dim light casting over her while she fumbled with his trousers, and it downed on Wooyoung that she was back.

And she still loved him.

And they were together again.

“Here, sit down, you’re making me uncomfortable.” She gestured, getting on her feet too.

Oh, damn, he knew where that was going.

“What did I tell you about getting on your knees?”

“You choked on my cum already, now it’s my turn. Be fair!” Y/N pouted.

Wooyoung blinked slowly, taking a deep breath.

“Oh, God, the things I wanna do to you.” His thumb caressed her bottom lip. Soon, he forced it in, attentively staring at her mouth while she sucked it inside, cheeks hollowing. “Please, if you could do the same to my dick, I would…”

“It’ll be a pleasure.” Y/N chuckled, bringing his hand to full view and tracing her tongue on the tip of his finger. His chestnut eyes were a shade darker, pupils blown open.

“All mine, I guarantee.”

But before she could dive in, a familiar ringtone erupted from the floor, his trousers vibrating at the rhythm. It startled them, though Y/N’s reaction was only a small grin whereas Wooyoung’s was an annoyed grunt, cussing in a low voice.

“Maybe you should pick it up?”

“Absolutely not.” He refused to move and spoil the moment. His dick was hard, he finally had her back and between his legs (ready to suck the soul out of him)… He waited more than a fucking year for that, whoever called could damn wait too.

“What if it’s important?”

“There’s nothing more important than your pretty mouth around my cock, love.”

“But…”

“On your knees, darling.”

She gulped, slightly annoyed by the fact he could change the mood with only one phrase. It never failed to surprise how much effect he had on her.

Trying not to let his temper rise, Y/N went back between his legs. She caressed his thighs, nails trailing them slightly. Then, she went up, unbuttoning his shirt while he glanced at her with a hunger in his eyes. She pushed off his shirt, being awarded with the sight of his tattoo. Hands palming his torso, she mapped his skin, tracing the Latin phrase, wanting nothing more than to eat him open. She licked her lips, heart thumping loudly against her ribcage.

“Why are you staring?” He wondered. “Do I look too tempting?” He jested.

“Yes.” She didn’t hesitate. “Delicious as fuck and all mine.”

“I like how it sounds.” Wooyoung dipped his head down, pecking her lips. “And you’re all mine.”

“Always have been.” She agreed.

His stomach churned at the gleam of lust in her beautiful eyes. “Suck.”

The order came out simple and serious, a bit like the new Wooyoung he was.

Y/N’s hands found purchase on his thighs, the very ones she rode a while ago. Well, she was already in the rain… Let it all get wet.

Literally.

She gathered some saliva, palming his dick and spitting right on its head. Wooyoung breathed audibly, chest rising in a lungful expanse. Y/N moved her hand on him, spreading her spit and hearing his quiet moan. With a grin, she closed her eyes and sank down on his shaft, tongue circling the tip and tasting the salty pre-cum.

“Fuck.” He groaned.

She wasn’t that good with having dicks on her throat, always gagging and getting teary eyed, but this time she wanted to surprise him. She wanted to make him feel as marvellous as she felt during her two orgasms. Hence, she watched her breathing and swallowed him deeper. Wooyoung said something through gritted teeth, a hand flying to her hair and holding her head in place. Y/N hollowed her cheeks, bobbing up and down for a brief minute, forcing the movement against Wooyoung’s command. His hips bucked, making his cock hit her throat and she feel the burn in her eyes, tears coming almost automatically.

“Fuck, love, you’re gonna…”

He was cut mid-sentence by her gaze and thought he would explode. If there was anything hotter than her sucking him off and his cock was gagging her… Wooyoung didn’t really want to know. He honestly wouldn’t survive it.

Y/N repeated the motion, then she backed off with a gasp, drooling all over him. His hands were shaking, making him slightly embarrassed.

“Don’t stop even if I gag.” She ordered.

“Ugh, the things I wanna do to you, darling…”

“It’ll have to wait a bit.” She kept her fingers busy, caressing him while she took a breath.

Then, Wooyoung watched, mesmerised, Y/N’s wickedness take control: she turned her attention to his balls, licking it up and nibbling at the sensitive skin like he used to do with her clit. Words escaped him, so all he did was let out a raspy moan, tightening his grip on her hair.

Her tongue swirled around his shaft and she swallowed him again, tilting her head slightly so he could start fucking her mouth. He caught on her idea and adjusted his position, moving his hips smoothly, testing the angle. Y/N gagged once again, because that way he hit a spot too close to her throat, and although it was a bit uncomfortable, she couldn’t be hornier. Just tasting him and hearing him moan, knowing it was her own doing… It made her all wet and desperate. Glancing up, she locked eyes with Wooyoung – he looked hypnotised, almost drunk on the scene… On her.

It was all so erotic, so lustful, so right. He couldn’t tear his gaze as his dick disappeared on her plump lips, accepting all of him in as if she was born to suck him off, as if she was starving for it.

“Can I cum in your mouth, love?” He asked, wiping a small tear from her eye, his thumb caressing her cheekbone while he kept thrusting inside. “Or should I cum in your pussy?”

She whimpered, doing her best to shake her head positively, nails clawing at his thighs for support. Her knees were starting to hurt, legs sore and quite numb, but she really wanted to taste him before they properly fucked.

At her consent, Wooyoung’s mind clouded, Y/N being the only thought echoing. He shivered, the orgasm hitting so strong his belly clenched and his toes curled; he spilled inside her mouth, a deep, sexy groan erupting from his own.

Y/N swallowed and wiped her mouth, climbing his legs and sitting on his lap. She caressed his face, drawing all of his angles and mapping them on her mind once again.

“I love you.” She whispered next to his ear. “And I intend to make it up to you every day.”

“You’re a fucking minx.” Wooyoung murmured, a small smile reaching his mouth.

“Full-time minx?” She joked.

“Yeah. And full-time love of my life, so don’t fret.”

“Good.” Y/N stole a peck. “Good.”

They kissed in a lazy, tooth-aching romantic dance. He could taste himself on her tongue, and it was addictive, making him want to ravish her on the spot.

Then, after catching some breath and regaining more strength, Wooyoung hooked his arms around her legs and stood up, grinning at her wide eyes and high-pitched yelp.

“Hold tight, love. We’re going to the couch.”

“You should’ve said that before.” She giggled.

Wooyoung moved as if he was used to carry her all the time. Laying her down, he hovered over her, kissing her once more. This time, it was sloppy, teeth clashing as they touched each other all over – Y/N’s sharp nails digging at his back, leaving red lines on its length, while he groped at her thighs and ass, letting her wet pussy grind against his stomach and hips. She moaned, breaking the kiss and bending her head backwards when she felt his touch creeping down, stopping right at her core. Wooyoung didn’t mind it, kissing her neck instead, and plunging two fingers inside her, moving them slowly.

“Oh, fuck.” Y/N cursed. “Please, Woo, please.”

“What are you begging for, love?” He chuckled, eyes sparkling with mirth and lust, heart beating a bit too fast at her desperation, at the fact that she was his again.

“You.” Her teeth tucked his bottom lip at the same time she tugged at his hair, her pupils blown wide, hungry and desperate for anything he could give her. “Always for you.”

“But I’m already yours, Y/N.”

“But I want more. I want everything, Woo.”

“Your wish is my command, darling.” Setting his fingers free, it was time to fuck her properly.

He thrusted, finally linking their bodies. She hugged him, nails digging onto his back and leaving crescent marks; her legs pulled him even closer. His cock twitched, being devoured by her tight cunt. Wooyoung couldn’t even control his own muscles, so eager for his own release and to make Y/N feel good, like she deserved after repenting.

They were so focused on each other that every movement felt calculated, synchronised. Where she went, he followed, and vice-versa. His belly tensed up when one of her hands held his ass, groping at it while she let out a low, sexy laugh.

“You fucking minx.”

“It’s mine to touch,” She pouted, bathed in feminine power. “All mine.”

Something switched in his demeanour and Y/N gasped in surprise as he pulled her arms up, a strong hand blocking them from moving.

“Well, you’re all mine too. Mine to touch,” He brought another hand up, fingers intertwining with hers. “Mine to kiss,” A hungry, wet kiss stolen. “Mine to please,” His pace quickened, cock throbbing while she clenched around it. “Mine to…”

Love.

He growled, combusting in emotions. Y/N seemed to understand, because her eyes shone in a warm, romantic gleam. She got teary, pleasure so unbearable, so suffocating her body couldn’t take it anymore. She was still sensitive from the other orgasm, which made this one stronger, more devastating. Gripping at Wooyoung’s hands, she found in him her safe-haven.

Feeling her clenching around him just made his dick harder, and he was surprised at the fact… Normally he had to rest a bit before he went from one orgasm to another. Sitting up, Wooyoung hugged her by the waist, bringing her body closer, letting her nipples grind against his torso as she rocked against him in a steady speed. Bouncing, Y/N created enough friction and Wooyoung moved to match her speed, their muffled moans paired up with their hips colliding were the only noises echoing in the room.

They kissed again, messily and hungrily. She held him with such strength, anchoring on him as if her life depended on that. It was intense and raw, her body subconsciously trying to conquer his, claim his as hers… Although she didn’t need that anymore. He wouldn’t belong to anyone else… He didn’t want to. It was Y/N from the beginning.

“I’ll probably leave some red marks on your shoulders…”

“It’s ok.” He kissed her jaw, muffling another moan.

At each sharp and fast thrust, at each moan and kiss, they got further lost on each other. His dick twitched in earnest, feeling her so snug and wet around him. Y/N trembled at the breath denial, causing her stomach to tighten in delight. Wooyoung felt his body giving up and cursed low, unable to hold back anymore.

“Love…” He rasped. “Are you with me?”

Her teary eyes were enough answer. Wooyoung wanted to say a couple dirty things, however, the grip she had on his cock robbed him his sanity, so he just plunged on her violently, guiding both of them to the climax. Y/N shook from head to toe, moaning his name like a prayer and squeezing him like she had claws. He bit on her shoulder again because he knew she loved that. His fingers dug into her skin, also leaving marks.

The only noises were their panting. He rested his face against her neck, giving it small bites and kisses. Playing with his dark, long locks, Y/N sighed in contempt. How could she think it was possible to be happy without him when she was only happy with him, because of him?!

“Why?” She heard his muffled voice.

“What?”

“Why are you sighing?” He moved slightly, so they could look at each other.

“Just because.”

“Perhaps because you’re in your favourite place in the world with your favourite person?”

She couldn’t help but chuckle. “God, you’re so conceited!” Slightly tugging at his hair, she shook his head a bit. “My favourite place is Monaco.”

“This still makes me your favourite person.” He grinned.

“Aren’t you going to sleep?” Playfully rolling her eyes, she pouted.

“I’m not tired at all. I suggest we grab a bottle of Veuve Clicquot and celebrate a bit more, hm?”

“Will you help me remove my make-up first?”

“Of course, it’s classic Y/N-Wooyoung behaviour.”

She smiled, knowing that everything would be alright again.

#ateez #ateez smut #ateez scenarios #wooyoung scenarios #wooyoung smut

141 notes · View notes

driverlando · 3 months ago

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I was having such a shitty day yesterday. Made the grave mistake of watching quali and the day got worse and then I decided let’s watch the race- worst tbh so many crashes I was about to cry. The only good thing was a double alpine podium and a max win after like 4 months.

But I would never recommend going on twitter or X wtv it is after races since it’s toxic af and tumblr’s certain tags too. I couldn’t sleep at all. I wanted to cry yesterday bc why are people so toxic. My weak heart can’t take it😭😭

awe I’m sorry love, the internet is not a nice place. it’s honestly why I stay away from twitter, the hate lando gets is insane and no one should be getting it. people are sooo toxic and they make you feel like shit for supporting someone that they don’t like, but their opinion shouldn’t matter. this is a safe space for you love, come here whenever! I promise you won’t see anything toxic on my blog.

and also yess, the double alpine podium was just soooo good to see and the way max went from p17 to p1 was just crazy 🫶

#asks 💌

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modern-cerauno · 1 year ago

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okay i tried putting this in the tags but i fucked it up so i'm just gonna retell it here bc reliving it pissed me off so much

so in third grade me and my friend were like at the very end of the field and didn't hear the whistle for the end of recess until other kids not in our grade started coming outside. and we were like OH OOPS UH OH and sprinted back up to the school so we could get back to class.

the first door that we tried getting into was a side door, and a substitute teacher we had all the time (would've known us by name, probably) opened it, but didn't let us in, and told us to go through the front doors instead and check in with the office. which was on the complete opposite side of the building and would've taken much longer to get to. but we started our trek around the building, and found another side door we could get in, so we just. went in that door instead, and hurried back to class.

when we got back, our teacher was having a sit-down circle time classroom discussion about safety and whatnot, presumably because we just. Went Missing as far as they were aware. we walk in and our teacher asks us if we checked in with the front office, and we said yes bc missing the whistle waa already just an honest mistake, and we didn't want to get into any more trouble. immediately after i said we went to the office, the office Intercommed our class and asked our teacher if they found us yet, to which she said yes and then we promptly were sent to the office

we both got written up for basically "disobeying" that substitute teacher, and it's like. okay in a way i do get that. however.

we were both eight or nine years old!! we weren't thinking about the complexities of "oh we need to check in with admin so that they know where we are because we're missing and that's a safety concern," we're thinking that everyone is angry at us and we should get to class asap!

i'm mostly just still fuckin pissed about that teacher bc like. a. she Knew we were "missing" and didn't bother to let us in immediately, even to escort us to the office, but b. she didn't let anyone else know that she found us!! like evidently by the time we got back, Everyone including our classroom teacher thought we were still just poof gone!! and the way our halls were set up, we were in pods of the same grade, and she was substituting for another class in our grade, so both the side door And her classroom were RIGHT NEXT TO OUR OWN!! like?? "oh yeah these terrified nine year old girls are considered missing, not only am i not going to report this to anyone but i'm also going to force them to take the longest route around the school possible ALONE"

it's one of those things where if it had been middle or high school, yeah i totally would've understood because at that age, it's pretty much presumed we would understand the gravity of the situation and would be sure to check in to let people know we're safe and just made a mistake. if you angrily tell two third graders who made an honest mistake to basically go to the office to tattletail on themselves, like. yeah no shit i ain't gonna do that!! and that Sucks from the perspective of an adult, bc as an Adult you understand why you have to go to the office but i think you should also try to understand how a third grader's brain works Enough to the point that you just take them straight to the office OR AT LEAST TELL SOMEONE WE WERE CONFRONTED BY STAFF AND WE'RE ON OUR WAY INSIDE???

for context like, a couple months before this happened, two kids in our grade just straight up left the school during recess to go back home, and no one had Any idea where these two kids went for a long period of time and everyone was freaked out! i just feel like if you're trying to lock down on safety the Very least you can do in that teacher's position is to let Someone Else Know these two poor girls are trying to get Back into the building they are Right Fucking There.

anyways. yeah idk they had a point we "disobeyed" someone in charge and That's what we got written up for, but i just feel like the lack of responsibility in this Adult's case is just. dumb. two nine year old girls. we play cats at recess we do not understand shit other than "uh oh uh oh we're in trouble let's just go back to class so they don't think we ran away or made the conscious decision to keep playing at recess"

fuck you ms whalen

what's the most demented thing you guys got in trouble for in school mine was when an english boy in my class made fun of my name and called my mum a (derogatory word for irish travellers) so i told him my ira uncle was in town and was coming to blow him up after school

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water1oo · 5 months ago

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there was this one student at my old job that i was always so impressed by. was classified as homeless, had lived in 4 different countries (refugee), knew 5 different languages, had straight A's, would wake up at 5 am to take the bus alone to get in school in time by 8 am, after she finished the after school program she would then go to night school to do English classes until 11 pm. english was her fifth language, and yet she was able to write at a higher grade level than the rest of her peers that were born in america --- she had the option to do her essays in spanish (her 4th language) but by the end of the school year she began writing them in english by her own initiative (and some gentle pushing bc i knew she just lacked the confidence) and when i caught her minor grammar/vocab mistakes she'd take note and never repeat the mistake again. oh and by the way, all of this and she was just an 8th grader.

anyway---extremely amazing student, we had a bond so she would share a lot with me which is why i know all of this. toward the end someone at the school had found out about this fancy private boarding school that they thought she'd be amazing for since her home life was very difficult and she just had so much potential. the school arranged all the transportation and assigned a staff to tag along so that they could do translations for her mom, it was a nonprofit middle school that never spared a dime on their students. when she came back she told me it was amazing. she was gushing about how cool the campus was and she couldn't get over how they even had a pool. can't say i'm surprised she was so starstruck by the place considering she was attending a school in skid row. and the biggest thing that pulled at my heart strings was when she said "miss, there are people from my land there. people from angola." that being her home country that she missed so much, she was so excited about potentially going to these school where she could connect with people with her shared culture (she would always gush so much about Angola).

i left that middle school before the school year ended and i never found out if she got in and was always left wondering, since the only way she could ever afford the 80k+ tuition was with a full-ride scholarship. and today i found out she did get in and she is currently attending that boarding school. finding this out just made my month man, that kid has gone through so much and she deserves this so much. i wish i could contact her to congratulate her. i finally get why teachers would always beg their students to stay in contact and to visit, because they want the updates---bro i wish i could keep up with every student i have ever interacted with to see how far they've gotten and if they've struggled to offer guidance and support.

idk why i'm sharing all this, i have no one who gets just how much this update means to me. i guess if you ever made a connection with a trusted adult when you were a kid, reach out. they care, man. they care so much and they wish they knew how you were doing. i'm studying to become a school counselor because i care so much about kids' futures and setting them up for success as best i can, i want all the updates and i know y'alls teacher feel the same way. reach out, i wish i could catch up with every single student i've ever interacted with.

#unnecessarily long ass post about an old student

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namelesschurch · 2 years ago

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Weekly update:

Lev: Lev's back. Honestly, that's the biggest thing for me. She hasn't told me much about what happened. She says she got caught in some sort of VR world with a slightly reasonable megalomaniac? When I asked her about that, she just said "no one died" and then also proceeded to try and reassure me that there was no risk of dying for her - cause of Rook - who was this spellcaster that Lev mentioned earlier before she went on that month-long mess. I think I bawled half the time and yelled at her for the other half.

And now the idiot is picking fight with gangs. Gangs with guns. I can't. I can't lose her. I need to figure out how to distract her in someway. Maybe I should reintroduce her to Crow - her once guardian a timeline ago - at the very least, I can tell Crow that Lev wants to be a vigilante, cause she has massive opinions about that and kids. It's a low blow, but I will not lose her again. She'll either be strong enough to overpower everything that's out there or stay put until she is ready.

----

Mads: So. Mads became a god. Of second chances apparently. And I also made a stupid mistake assuming that Mads would be accepted like Kris is. Needless to say, I was forced to reveal some things about Chi and myself to remedy it. But I don't regret it. I have a bad feeling that if I had gone with my original plan and waited... well, it wouldn't have been good for Mads.

Hopefully, he won't make the connection. I really am the most pathetic goddess apparent, and Chi is unfortunately dragged into my mess by virtue of being her.

I am concerned as to the sort of mannequin-like state when the World Boundary had thoroughly suppressed him. Is that his vessel? Like I've heard that angels were created - and that for them to exist in the mortal world, they require something of Malkuth - of the physical realm - a vessel to exist in. Well, this is assuming the angel he is and the angels I know are similar. But why is he afraid of other mannequin / puppet-like things then?

Kris: He's gone exploring into Chi's Dream World and will have an update when he's done. I hope it's a good distraction for him at any rate. And...I am curious as to why Chi is connected to that world.

...especially if it is that dream world I am thinking about - the one that Lev always chided me on wasting skill points on. How did it end up turning into a game?

Crowley: I'm glad to see that seaweed hell hasn't eaten her. What is a little ominous is her reply tags to my enormous crab MTG post. I hope this is just her "the horrors are normal everyday things" sorta humor - and not y'know having an island-size crab that needed dealing with.

Erna: She's probably the one I'm most worried about. I don't think I can stop it either. Like Lev said, if she's the only one who has not been called... she'll likely accept the Calling willingly next time it happens.

bookkeeperofthescions: Will need to ask in the next week if she needs help with anything. It sounds like almost all of the Scions are down and likely in need of life-sustaining treatment - both soul and body-wise. I might not be able to teleport stuff myself, but the BC's can at least transport things - even if they tend to eat the stuff they transport.

Yugi / Seto / Mokuba / Joey / Rook? : Seems like the card game squad has come back safe and sound - Lev did say that. I am admittedly a little bit worried about Joey given his inactivity, though I'm fairly sure if anything did happen to him, Yugi or Lev would've mentioned it, right? Like I keep telling myself that if the events that happened to them were incredibly dangerous, I feel like one of them would've mentioned it - and then I remember Yugi has a talent for understatement, and Lev's opinion of danger is that it probably has to be city-ending for it be on her radar.

Nata: It seems she went back to Seattle after the damage from the alien? person. Was it the right thing to go "no I will not bring them back?" I can't really say. I know that if Lev disappeared, I would do all I can to bring her back - I did do all I can, limited as it was. But for random people I don't know, I probably wouldn't. Life and Death and Reincarnation have its place - messing with those things probably created the term "playing god."

Lark: Seems to be going to school, I guess? He obviously doesn't like it. Should also keep in mind to refer to him as a witch and not wizard - he's made clear the difference in societal context. Might be some personal context to, given how vehement he is about the subject.

holyhappyhour: Have not seen a response from Le after her comment on the moon. Hopefully, this is just her doing her periods of inactivity thing. Not everyone treats social media as their journal after all. And not someone as cagey as her.

Wayne Enterprises: I do not know what they are playing at. Inviting me to a dinner I do not have the qualifications to be part of - and then inviting me to a partnership that honestly seems fair on paper for the vertical farming project seems almost too good to be true. All I can think of is that I somehow hit some sort of alarm when I started asking about developing caves in the area - an alarm that's present in pro-company, the water is now poison, Gotham. Are they worried about me doing something - or are they already doing something in the caves? I don't have the connections to go blindly investigating - maybe this partnership could be a bribe even. But that's less likely. There's a lot of stuff a multibillion dollar corporation could do to make my life - a millionaire - and my company miserable. They don't need to cater to me.

plushwave: It is hard to tell how much it is Rose's very bad sense of humor coming out or if she's actually being serious. Also interested in the set-up of her world as mentioned by her comments of "Qin." I have also learned that completely different cultures and countries prevents direct comparison of cultures and countries - like you'd think this is a given, but it's a lot harder to actually put into practice when half the stuff it sounds like should be common culture. Or at least that's what I think. Anyway, cares a lot for Aloisia clearly.

enqueter: enqueter. Because I don't think I've seen any mention of name on enqueter's posts. Has some sort of genetic-related powers going on utilizing ADAM and what's called Plasmid. enqueter is a private eye that deals with ADAM-related stuff enough to be a sorta expert on the subject - has a related ADAM power called electrobolt?Not much information as of late. Will keep any eye on.

#penofdamocles #malleablepersonage #plushwave #enqueter #millenniumdueled #creepy-crowleys #witchofthescions #holyhappyhour #7wolfmoon #bookkeeperofthescions #hulizi #blueeyesking #redeyesandchilifries

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mandrellaeffect · 2 years ago

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tags via @/polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup

#I feel like anyone who writes Tony stark for marvel should have to go watch bojack horseman first as like a mandatory assignment

#because that show understood the premise of Tony stark better than any MCU writer ever has and it wasn’t even writing for tony stark

#in sum bojack horseman follows the titular bojack who is a washed up 90s sitcom television star

#bojack himself is extremely self destructive and the show follows him as his selfish and egotistical tendencies erode at his relationships

#However bojack himself is an extremely sympathetic character. his harmful acts are all tied very directly to the trauma of his life

#he’s a survivor of generational abuse whose own substance abuse problems stem from the fact that he was in such a neglectful environment

#that he had started drinking at an INCREDIBLY young age got himself sober only to relapse due to a spiked drink after fame

#this sympathic is increased by the fact that he does geninuinely love and care for his friends and often goes to extreme lengths to show it

#but what the show understands that MCU writers dont is that his tragic past doesn’t excuse the harm or pain he causes and the show goes to

#LABORIOUS extents to emphasize the consequences and suffering his actions cause in his attempt towards making amends

#it is FASINCATING to me that MCU just fails to grasp this because it’s really the core of Tony’s character. his story is one of redemption

#and regret. but what it never seemed to get is that requires recognition of wrongs and change and his relationship with steve is a prime ex.

#when they meet tony is 40+ and Steve is 23-25. steve has been awake from world war 2 for less than 2 weeks everyone he loves is dead and hes

#visibly haunted by his time in the ice. his ptsd flashbacks to crashing the plane is how his character is introduced. Tony spends the time

#calling him ‘capsicle’ and talking about how much he can’t stand steve. the narrative plays it off as a gaff of little consequence but

#practically speaking that’s INSANE. like can you imagine you’re a traumatized war vet who got out of a coma 2 months ago and woke up to

#discover everyone you ever loved is dead and this stranger twice your age at your new work nicknames you coma boy and hates your guts bc of

#his daddy issues? like Tony in avengers is borderline cruel but the narrative and the fandom never acknowledge it. it’s like removing the

#laugh track on a scene from one of those old sitcoms and realizing how mean it is. and while we can fully acknowledge that Howard hurt Tony

#that doesn’t make it Steve’s fault and doesn’t give Tony the license to take it out on him. like at the end of the day your healing is your

#responsibility and the MCU fails to grasp that with Tony. honestly it does a disservice to the depth of his character b/c Tony should have

#already grown past this by the time of Avengers. he had already gone through iron man 2 and grappled somewhat with his relationship w howard

#while that doesn’t mean he’s healed yet it does mean that his character needs to learn to grow past it or he risks stagnation. mcu just

#happily embraced stagnation and it made the character worse for it. Theres a scene in the comics where Tony is the first to reach out to

#Steve post ice. he takes him to the air&space museum and welcomes him to the future. THATS the growth we want. Bc fundamentally even if we

#sympathize for Tony’s abuse by Howard lashing out at someone who was functionally dead at the time of ur dads mistakes is a very juvenile

#mindset. /growth/ is deciding to be better than the person who hurt you and the MCUs obsession with blaming Steve for howard cut that off

#CW would have been SO MUCH MORE COMPELLING if Tony had formed a relationship with Steve bc Steve would be torn between past and present but

#instead Tony is saying how much he hated Steve during the fucking movie and Steve’s taking it with grace. like you’re 50 man you gotta work

#past this at some point. out of tags but I have Opinions about Tony and actually zola too but we won’t get there give me more tags tumblr

Once again remembering how Tony wasn't one of Steve's friends, but merely his annoying ass co-worker

The Stark that was actually Steve's friend is Howard

I still think one of the most disappointing things about the Avengers movies is that they never liked each other. It never felt like they had a fun team dynamic that grew and developed in satisfying ways over time. Tony feels partly responsible for this because everyone basically hated him before he had his martyr moment in Endgame. He was just endlessly cruel and mysoginistic to his teammates.

Civil War lacks the punch it should've had because Tony tells us that he and Steve were friends, but you have to laugh because since when?! Why was that never shown? Why would Steve choose a bully coworker over the one person who's always been there for him? Age of Ultron and Civil War were huge mistakes that caused irreparable harm.

#tony stark #marvel #the whole mcu is a series of missed opportunities in the face of safe and bland choices for profit

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spicyveggiesub · 3 years ago

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Revue Starlight The Movie Veggie Sub V2/WIDESCREEN

Hello! I subbed the Revue Starlight movie back in December (the one that has color coded dialogue) - this is my first post because I was too much of a coward to make an account anywhere then.

To put it simply, I was not satisfied with my original work, which had mistakes from mishearing and also just misinterpreting things. It was rushed for various reasons, and I really regret not being more patient with it. I don’t think the mistranslations impact any plot points of the movie, it’s really more in the specifics, but I misrepresented some things I consider to be important, and for that I am truly very sorry.

After not touching it for 2 months and then working on it in all of my spare time for the past month, I finally!!!! finished the revised version and a widescreen version, since I had originally done it letterboxed. I think the widescreen version is actually more readable, so that’s one more thing to bonk my past self on the head for, but the letterboxed version has its merits too. They can be found on nyaa and anidex like before, and to make sure this appears in the tag, I’ll add links in a reblog!

Now I’m going to ramble a lot about the fixes I made and translation decisions and other things under the cut... it’s going to read like half a callout for myself and half a defense, and half just fun rambling about translation (yes that’s 3 halves) so do with that what you will...!

This is going to be unnecessarily long - so long, in fact, that I am going to divide it into parts. You may be thinking "I don't wanna read all that" so a tldr for you if you are:

1. major changes:

revue of malice -> revue of resentment, fixed lines in futakao conversation towards the end of the revue

a line the giraffe says that is directed to the audience but I misinterpreted

Nana’s line about feeling drunk: sake -> alcohol (this was just stupid of me)

revue of souls -> revue of the soul (yes the the is ugly but necessary)

2. minor changes: really nitpicky stuff and obsessing too much over timing, typesetting

3. this took so long because I actually just fully stopped working on it for 2 months, I had like 0 time due to work and had no motivation, i overshare about the process

okay, time for the longer explanation!!! you don’t have to read this but if you want to witness someone be a little insane then have fun (also, warning for spoilers)!! we’re dropping capitalization now! i know nobody asked for this, but i have to talk a lot about this bc i haven't, really, to anyone. and i think it's kind of fun

first off i want to say... i’m not a professional translator (as of right now at least, who knows this might change in the future, though maybe not for japanese) i’ve never taken translation courses and i’ve only taken like one creative writing course in my life. but i really enjoy linguistics and translating and am always, but especially after subbing this movie, trying to improve myself. generally my principle for translating things is that. Words are just words. personally i think that as long as something makes an equal amount of sense in the target language then all of the information in the source language should be retained as much as possible. of course, with english and japanese being so different, it’s difficult to stick to this. anyway i’m already going off topic, mainly i wanted to say my goal is always to present what MY understanding of the source is in a way that i feel is accurate to the source and would 1. convey the same meaning to an english speaker 2. read well to me as a person who can (to an extent) understand japanese. now let’s get into how i failed here.

PART 1: major changes / decisions

when the giraffe speaks to the audience, saying "it's because of all of you", i misinterpreted it as being about karehika and put "it's because of you two" even though that's not what he said.

this is the WORST mistranslation imo and i lost my shit when i realized, but at least the message isn't entirely lost because right before that he talks about how it's the stage the selfish and greedy audience longs for. i have no idea how tf i ignored that previous line and thought it was about karehika.

i decided to change the title of the futakao revue to "Revue of Resentment".

the original title, "Revue of Malice", i honestly took from the wiki without thinking too hard about the translation of the name that someone else had done, which was stupid of me. I also forgot to translate wagamama highway as selfish highway and just left it as wagamama highway in the subs, so you see.

怨み (urami) generally means "grudge, resentment" in the same way that the more common form for urami, 恨み does, only it's a stronger, more hateful emotion, and not commonly used. it's usually used for a very deep-seated, strong grudge/resentment, or for things that are supernatural, ie. the grudge of a soul.

either way, "malice" doesn't really represent the meaning properly imo, because while resentment is about bearing ill will/bearing malice towards someone, the word by itself doesn't cover the meaning of resentment, at least to me. but i'll admit that it sounds a lot cooler, and i don't think it's too far off, so i think it's fine if people keep referring to the revue as revue of malice. if you take the midpoint between malice and resentment then that's what my understanding of 怨み is.

i also thought about changing it to revue of grudges, but to me that sort of implies actual tangible, countable grudges, which isn't necessarily wrong, but considering the kanji selection it has the vibe of the actual feeling/act of holding a grudge, which in english is only resentment. so that's what i settled on.

i probably won't change what's on the wiki until the official translation for it comes out on starira, and no matter what starira says this is my final decision for my subs.

I changed the final lines to the final line.

i had originally called the karehika revue "the final lines" and made karen say "i have to say them. the final lines", when there was no need to make it plural and makes less sense to make it plural, because the final line is, one final line. i can't say why this happened other than i apparently was not thinking hard enough about it until one day i was

originally what i put for A Beautiful Person, Or Perhaps It Is was "A Beautiful Person, Or Somebody Like That".

i had also taken this from the wiki and thought it was a reasonable interpretation because i didn't know the backstory of how it was genuinely supposed to be cut off at the end (A Beautiful Person, Or Perhaps It Is [A Love Song]). that was my fault for not doing enough research and not looking in the right places to find this out before finishing it, and also a lesson that sometimes trying to extrapolate things from vague grammar is not a good idea

in the scene with the vegetable giraffe, right after junna says "putting an end... to what?", maya says "greedily, ferociously, in order to continue standing on stage, we will go to the next stage."

here i originally made a dumb mistake and thought that when she said 貪欲に、獰猛に it was an extension of junna's line instead of an adverb - like what are we putting an end to (何に？) to greed (貪欲に), to brutality (獰猛に). 🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦

this isn't a mistake but since i am explaining my choices i feel i have to mention - the なんだか強いお酒を飲んだみたい。line (Somehow it feels like... I just drank some strong alcohol.). actually i did make a mistake here and it was calling "sake" "sake" instead of just alcohol, which was really just me being careless.

besides that, there's an issue with this line in that it lacks a subject/identifier. it could be that nana's the one feeling drunk, or that the rest of them seem drunk to her, but there's no way to eliminate a subject in english and have it make sense (Somehow, it feels like strong alcohol was just drunk. <-- ??????? what?? people don't talk like this)

the first time i even heard of this line b4 the bluray was out it appeared to me that it was about nana, and every time i went down a twitter search rabbithole while working on both the original and the revision, it appeared that jp fans took it the same way - i wanted to link this fanart i saw where futaba is drinking w/ nana and makes fun of her for it but i lost it..

i think the whole brushing hair back thing she does it seems to imply it's intended to be more about her, but really it can have a double meaning (i found one or two jp fans talking about this, that at first it seems to be about nana but could also be about the rest of them).

since it the general consensus is that it’s about nana, i stuck with "I".

i also considered removing the “just” because it’s technically not in the original line but it sounds a lot more awkward without it, and adding it doesn’t change the meaning of the line at all in context (like she’s not saying someone drank alcohol before they got on the train or something lmao so)

speaking of this scene, here is a fun jp blog post analyzing it which is pretty parseable even just w/ google translate (it’s less about the actual line, but their theory for the line is that nana was very stimulated from the fight = feels like she had a strong drink): https://note. com/suzumya/n/n7ee2160d039c

revue of resentment:

didn’t you say we were cutting ties? when futaba catches kaoruko after her truck flies off.. originally i just had “did we cut ties?” umm this was just me being dumb. anyway funny line because kaoruko was the one who said they were cutting ties in the first place and then she turns around and asks this to futaba LMAO

towards the end when futaba is saying “this time, it’s my turn to say something selfish. it’s my turn to-” and then kaoruko says “it’s my turn to make you wait”? she’s imitating futaba/predicting what she’s going to say. i.... again, was careless and did not realize this and just had “it’s time for me to wait” (you’d think it’d be easy to catch because she said “atashi” and not “uchi” but well. I was not thinking clearly..)

after she says this, she says “i know that much, okay” basically saying she knows that that has to happen/that futaba was going to say that, but this was one that i misheard and i thought she said わっかてませんや when she said わかってますんや and i put “i dunno about that” which is basically the opposite meaning.. lol

the final line of this revue, i originally had as “guess i can’t win against the selfishness of a kid”. I changed this to “i just can’t win against the selfishness of a kid”. i can see where my past self was coming from with the “guess” to represent the わ but it makes it feel too.. speculative and like she didn’t know? which isn’t really right. I just can’t better portrays the sort of helplessness of it while still being like she’s stating a known fact, i think

this is kind of just a discussion, but i’ve been thinking about how “revue of souls” isn’t entirely accurate to 魂のレヴュー because it’s, a revue of a singular soul. but “revue of soul” doesn’t feel right to me, because... i dunno there’s some sort of rule to these revue of ___ things to me where it’s like the thing has to be a noun that’s either uncountable or plural if it’s countable. to say revue of soul makes me think that it’s like . revue of who is the most soulful or revue of soul music LMFAO so... i think it’s actually just a rule for using (something) of (something), maybe. like... tree of noodles vs tree of noodle. wow every day sentences that have never been spoken before are created

i think it’s more accurate to say “the soul” in this case, actually... but i don’t like putting the in a revue title....... but i think i will change it actually. you’re watching me make this decision live as i write this blog post lmao okay so i changed it to Revue of the Soul. maybe ateam were onto something with putting the Thing first actually. (just kidding i really don’t like that anyway moving on)

other stupid things that i almost forgot to mention in this post bc i changed them so long ago, but they’re in the first version: i wrote “kuro” instead of “clau” for .. some reason, and i wrote “bakkaren” instead of “karenitwit” and i spent some time thinking about alternate ways to localize this but karenitwit ended up being the best option.

PART 2: minor changes (summary, some specific lines i thought were notable, etc)

the minor things were really more minor, enough that i can't actually list everything that i changed. some examples off the top of my head:

i misheard "jesters" as "idiots" in the distant el dorado lines that hikari recited in english. or rather, i couldn't make it out, and i did a twitter search and found jp fans saying it was idiots and went "i guess that makes sense, idiot can kinda mean the same thing as clown", but then later when i looked at the chinese subs they had put "jesters" and i felt like the biggest idiot in the world

i said "stage prop" for 舞台装置, the fake blood in the revue of annihilation, but it really shouldn't have been prop. i changed it to equipment, then waffled on it and changed it to set, then my theater kid friend who speaks jp proofread for me and told me to change it to equipment

when kaoruko tastes the fake blood, she says "it's sweet." i put "it's tasty" - i think i might have thought she said うまい not 甘い and not challenged it

at the seisho fest one of the students talked about making a new cyc (short for cyclorama but nobody calls them that apparently) and i didn't get that

thanks to my theater kid friend i realized i misrepresented the text that hikari gets from the giraffe, where i originally said “the house is already open for entry”. the original here is 小屋入りはもうはじまっています. apparently when i searched 小屋入り the first time i somehow misunderstood what i was reading and i thought it was about the audience entering the theatre, and i went with “the house is open for entry” because i thought hey, the audience section of a theater is called the house so that works out well. but it’s actually basically tech week, where “entering the hut” means to move into and start doing things in the theatre ahead of the first performance. what i ended up going with was “the dry tech is already underway”, which imo is the same amount of jargon-y ambiguity as the original and pretty much the same meaning. Thank you again to my friend

when nana talks to masai + amemiya in the bg of her career interview i misheard what they were saying LOL originally i put that amemiya wasn’t going to hand over the script but she was saying that she WOULD. this + the kaoruko line both being me mishearing something as the negative.. is funny to me.

not a mistake but a defense: in mahiru’s revue intro the first thing she says is 宣誓 which is most commonly translated as I swear/vow/oath but I wanted to stick to the olympic theme and in the olympic oath in english the word “promise” is used, so that’s why i used promise. however, in the original i translated 輝け、私 as “I will shine” but i changed it to "shine, me” because it just doesn’t fully capture the meaning the first way..,, speaking of revue intros i also fixed a small thing each in hikari’s and junna’s but its nbd i think.

when mayakuro are playing shogi at the beginning, maya’s chick gets captured by claudine and it shows that claudine still has 2 chicks on the board, and when claudine calls her weak(/basically saying she sucks at it) maya was like “your chicks look too pitiful for me to...(take them)”. i am very embarrassed to say this took me too long to understand and at first I thought it meant maya’s chick got taken by claudine and then she was saying her chick looked pitiful on claudine’s side...

AIJO KAWAN!!!!!!! again something i didn’t know mostly because i was not paying close enough attention, i only knew of this after i checked the korean subtitles. baby karen wrote her name wrong on her cubby she wrote かわん instead of かれん :’’’)))

changed “pep rally” to “kick-off party”

stuff like this. aside from that, i reworded some more awkward sounding sentences, fixed capitalization (why did i think capitalizing the beginning of every line was a good idea?) doubly made sure all information was kept in the translation, etc.

i added some more onscreen text translation and some more bg conversation lines thanks to the korean subs catching things i couldn’t, and made a few really small changes to the lyrics that i don’t think are worth listing out here

i added watashitachi wa mou butai no ue lyrics to the credits - this is my own translation and i purposefully did it without looking at the one on the wiki by lunaamatista, but they kind of ended up pretty similar, so i thought i should mention that it was not my intention to just steal/reword that translation or anything. the one on the wiki is great and you should go listen to the song and read it there and appreciate all the work luna has done!!!!!

if there are any more mistakes (which i sure hope there aren't bc i have watched this movie so many times now and cross referenced the chinese and korean subs, though the chinese one i looked at had some mistranslations as well imo) i can change them in the sub files, but i won’t be making a new release again.. if you see something you think is worded awkwardly, just know that i probably agonized over it for too long and decided i wanted to word it that way (ie., saying you who ___) also i Know i use too many em dashes and ellipses i’m sorry for that... i think they’re fun

UPDATE thank you @flibbityflob for telling me i messed up the very final on screen text caption because i misread 本日 as 日本 like 100 times in a row apparently . I um. reposted the torrents because it’s been less than 12 hours so. woohoo

also one last thing I guess i can call this a decision i made but mostly i think it’s fun trivia - for karen’s middle school play, i wrote her character’s name as “sara” (it is seira in romaji). the reason i did this is because i found some jp fans talking about how hikari playing “lavinia” when she was 5 and karen playing “sara” in middle school is possibly related and a reference to princess sara, though the spelling is SLIGHTLY diff (セイラ vs セーラ)

PART 3: putting the worst and most annoying last, i apologize and defend myself at the same time. disclaimer: might sound kind of negative as i complain about tiring myself out and stuff, but overall i have SO MUCH fun doing this ok i want to make that clear

first of all: i am truly very sorry. maybe to some (most) people this isn’t a big deal but. i’ve spent most of the time working on this revision miming punching myself in the face every time i read over a translation that i changed, because i remember the original and want to die. but on the other hand, i don't think what’s in the first version is really /that/ bad. i think it's decent, passable i guess, and a lot of the things i changed were minor - the most important lines like the ones in the revues are relatively untouched, bc those are the ones i had already done enough agonizing over to be satisfied with what i had (except the futakao revue). but i am still very ashamed of myself and very sorry that i couldn't do a better job the first time.

this took me (looks at calendar) three and a half months, because first i fixed a lot of the timing issues, which was very tedious and time consuming and mind numbing. then i ran out of motivation for a month and a half bc things got very busy at work and i was in a horrible place health wise and did not have the energy to work on it. and then it was mid March and i took a few weeks to review + fix things over and over bc i only have time to work on this on the weekends and a few hours on weekdays and even then it's hard to find the time and focus to watch a 2 hour movie while agonizing about the translation and timing and make changes...

when i published the original, i was tired of working on it and too impatient and i couldn’t imagine working on it more because i knew things were going to get busier at work for me. every time i thought about the fact that people couldn’t watch and experience The Movie Ever with better understanding, i could not STAND the thought of just letting what i had done sit there on my computer for another week (let alone a whole month) while others couldn’t watch it... so i just released it... i am sorry if this reflects poorly on my character, but it is the truth. i regret not taking like, at least a few more days to proofread more, but at the time it really felt like the only thing i could do.

i also want to say that it was never meant to be a response to the other subs - i was (and generally still am) so distant from most of the fandom that i didn’t even know there were other people subbing the movie. of course i knew that someone somewhere would probably be doing it, but i had no clue until after I posted my own that there were discord-only showings of the other subs or anything (the only reason i am not in the discord is bc i don’t enjoy large discord servers, and i don’t have any opinion on this). i’ll admit i still haven’t looked at the other subs because i didn’t want it to impact my own interpretation as i worked on the revision.

but also... i didn’t plan to sub the movie at all, actually: this is how it happened

i watch the movie on dec 21 (i’m in est so it was dec 21)

i absolutely lose my mind

i think o___o i................. could sub this because i already translated the song lyrics........ and revue intros................ and... isn’t that like... a lot of the movie.... so.......!!!

i spend the next 7 days in a hell of my own creation (barely sleeping and barely working which i could only do bc i work remotely and it was holiday season and all of my coworkers were away but i’m a lowly student coop who doesn’t get PTO)

why did i do this? who asked me to do this? i don’t know. myself i guess.

so it was kind of an impulsive decision made in a vacuum. i don’t want to regret it, it was fun and i learned a lot, but were the mistranslations worth it? i suppose that depends on how much you care about the specifics. i think overall it’s not a big deal but, well (gestures to this whole post).

when i was working on this v2, there were a lot of moments where i thought that i really shouldn't have subbed this in the first place. unfortunately, i am kind of a person who feels compulsed to do Things when i get too excited and that’s why this happened, and there is nothing i can do except move forward, fix things, and try to improve for the next time (yes there is a next time sorry! i'll be stuck here for the forseeable future).

all that's to say if you want to hate me for this, or instead want to hate me for this stupidly longwinded!!! post that’s totally cool. next time, i will try very hard to put out better quality the first time around, and i ask for your understanding. thank you!

#revue starlight #shoujo kageki revue starlight #shojo kageki revue starlight #revue starlight movie #wahoo #stupid analysis

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scorpiwrites · 3 years ago

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𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 | 𝑅𝑒𝑚𝑢𝑠 𝐿𝑢𝑝𝑖𝑛 𝑥 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟

Desc : Reader was in a secret relationship with Remus during the war, but secrets were bound to be revealed.

Warning : Reader was in Gred n Forge's year so, legal age gap I guess. Brief mention of canon death, angst my best friend lol. Cheating, and all that. Oh and I made this in like 30 mins so there's that.

Note : no hate to my beloved Dora bc she doesn't know anything :( Ok but sorry for the lack of fight lmao I was listening to a sad playlist while doing this so- AND SORRY FOR MISTAKES THIS IS UNEDITED.

Tag : @scandalous-chaos

The old house creaked as she opened the front door.

It felt as if it was welcoming her with it's old age, but the same warmth it gave her years ago. She gave the house a small greeting under her breath, while silently asking herself about her sanity.

The dust flew everywhere as the breeze swept them off of every surface the wind carres. With no Kreacher to take care of everything, and no more Black Heir magik to devote itself to, it looks as if 12 Grimmauld Place has slowly wilted in its place.

She carefully traced the little scratches here and there that littered the wooden panels of the walls while her feet unconsciously took her to the entrance of the library.

She paused, when she realized where she stood and slowly lifted her right hand to open the knob. So as the library door was carefully opened by a lone figure of Y/N L/N, she swore that even a library never felt so suffocating before, but this one was different.

The 12 Grimmauld Place library kept a tight lid secret that she had with Remus.

As she slowly stepped inside the room, she couldn't help but to tear up as the memories flooded her brain. The memories of his laugh, memories of his warmth, memories of his gentle voice.

But most of all,

The bittersweet memories of their last night in this place.

Grimmauld Place Library, 1997

The silent night's serenity was broken by the brisk footsteps that echoed throughout the empty house. Said footsteps were walking to the direction of the library where a lone figure was seated, her back towards the door.

When Remus got her patronus, he was frantic because he hadn't heard from her for weeks before she finally contacted him. He was worried she died, so when she sent a word to him it didn't cross his mind that she would be bearing grave news.

As he slammed the door open, he immediately rushed to her side and took her hand to his,

" Y/N/N where have you been?? I was worried sick, there's no letters, no floo calls, no patronus. What happened?" he implored, frantically trying to find anything in her empty gaze.

The only response she gave to him was a piece of parchment that she slipped to his hand. He tried to ask her more, ask what it means, why she didn't talk, why she's just so distant to him. She just shrugged her shoulders and her gaze was solely bored into the parchment, he knew he could see the resentment that she had but he was so afraid to see what was inside.

She was adamant she wanted to tell him that she knew through the evidence, but he so stubbornly forgotten the piece of parchment existed and just begged her to say what was going on with her,

"You know, when you said that you wanted to keep us a secret I said yes because I didn't think that anyone would accept us so easily seeing our huge age difference, Remus. Was that the truth?"

He balked at her words, more so at her tone. He scrambled his brain trying to find the right response when she suddenly continued.

" Or was it just a scheme to keep us in silence as opposed to your relationship with Nymphadora?"

He stopped then,

He stared at her, guilt began to invade his irises. There are words that he wanted to say to her, that he wanted to let her know, words that not quite justifies his actions. Months of preparing that he had to someday face the consequences of his actions,

but he didn't think that it would be like this.

She scoffed at his face, the burning pain that she felt after she saw her findings on the spy's hideout turned to ash and was replaced by searing rage that was pulsing through her veins. The audacity of this man to use her like a doll and leave her to have a domestic disgusting life with another makes her wanted to ruin him, makes her want to see his blood on her hands.

But she knew,

She knew that she couldn't.

Not when there's a baby on the way.

She had lived that life. She knew what would happen at the end. The father was gone, then the mother would put the kid up for adoption because she just couldn't bear the pain and suffering of raising a child alone. She just couldn't take it anymore and the child would grow up in an orphanage, if they're lucky. Or perhaps got very very lucky and ended up with a very nice family, instead of a dingy and those shitty families that only adopt for the sake of the money.

Oh she would know every scenarios of it,

She was one of them before she know about magic in her life.

"You know, Remus. It's fine. I made peace with the fact that not only did you cheat on me. You're also having a baby on the way. Which I'm happy for you, of course-"

Remus who was still quiet suddenly sat upright and tried to reach her, to which she responded to with an abrupt departure from the couch they were seating on,

" Stop."

That was when her voice broke. He couldn't help but to try to reach her again but to no avail, she just kept staring at him with her hollow eyes that were filled with tears.

"P-please just don't say an-anything. I'm just here to tell you that," she paused to gather herself.

He could see how she was shaking. How she was trying to hold herself upright. He desperately wanted to tell her that it was all a mistake, it was all a mistake and that he was sorry. That it didn't mean he didn't love her, because he did. He loved her.

But he just nodded at her and that alone was enough prompt for her to continue,

"I just wanted you to know that I expect you to not do the same mistake that you did to me. I expect you to be there for her, for your baby. I expect you to be a responsible father to them. And a loving man to Nymphadora."

She then stepped towards him who was still seated on the couch, then she crouched in front of him while looking into his eyes.

" I have no idea where I went wrong. I have no idea where I hurt you so much that you had to go to her for reprieve from me. But I want you to know that I don't need your words right now. I don't need your excuses anymore, I just want you to know that I forgive you, Remus John. And quite frankly, I don't even know if I will be able to stop loving you. "

She kissed his forehead then, and silently vanished to the cold air of the library.

She didn't know it right then, but it was the last time she would ever talk to Remus again. For the next time she saw him was as Hagrid laid him down in one of the makeshift body bag, next to his deceased wife, Nymphadora Lupin on the ground of the great hall, a year after the last time she saw him.

It took everything in her not to run to his body and begged him to come back. Begged him not to go, and to just stay there with her. But she knew that she had a job to do and she can't afford to stop now, even if it was to grief a friend. So she turned her back and ran to the woods to follow Harry.

Now here she is, 5 years after the war, back in London to attend a yearly celebration that marks the end of the war. She was still the same Y/N as before. Still preferred to lurk through the shadows, still preferred dark chocolate to milk, and still kept her heart for the only one love of her lives, Remus Lupin.

The only difference is that she's now a mother of one Teddy Lupin. The son of the lover who betrayed her, the son of the lover who left her, the son that she didn't know she would love harder than life itself,

her beloved godson.

☼︎𝒇𝒊𝒏☼︎

#scorpiwrites #scorpi.fic #remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin angst #remus john lupin #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin au #second wizarding war #remus x y/n #remus x reader #scorpi.angst

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daisysliv · 3 years ago

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touch | jj maybank

word count: 4516

pairing: jj maybank x fem!oc

summary: in which jj convinces her to tell the pogues about what happens at home

warnings: mentions of physical, sexual (implied but not explicitly mentioned), and verbal abuse, angst, swearing, underage drinking, jj being protective (bc that needs its own tag), bit of fluff at the end

notes: this was going to be an x reader but just before i began writing it, i decided to do an oc just to switch it up a bit. and this is my first obx fic!! been kinda obsessed with the show lately, like i was last year, but just a little more. i hope you enjoy it!

side note: in this fic, i mention a lot about abuse but i don't go too far into detail with it. however, if you don't feel like you're comfortable enough to read it, you can scroll away. its also not fully edited so im sorry for any mistakes!

library

Touch was something that didn’t come easy to the strawberry blonde; she always flinched away whenever somebody got too close or raised their hands too high near her. Nobody ever noticed, which never bothered her because she didn’t want to risk burdening anyone with her problems. She didn’t want to bother her friends when they already had so much going on in their lives.

John B had lost his dad at sea only a few months ago and was still dealing with the aftermath of that, Pope was trying for a merit scholarship, Kiara fighting with her parents nearly all the time because they didn’t like her hanging out with boys all the time, and JJ was dealing with the aftermath of his own abusive father. He never talked about it but the girl knew the signs and saw through his lies of getting into ‘fights’ with some Kooks whenever he showed up with cuts and bruises. It was no shocker when nobody noticed in the group when Serephina showed up wincing every time she moved.

She entered the chateau, John B’s house, and joined the group in the living room. Kiara looked at the girl with a smile and passed her the joint that was held between her index finger and thumb. Serephina took it wearing a similar smile, brought the joint to her lips, and inhaled deeply, enjoying the feeling of the smoke gathering in the back of her throat. Serephina held the smoke in for a few seconds while she passed it back to Kiara and exhaled, watching the puff of smoke float in the air before evaporating into nothing.

“Serephina Joseph, you made it! Was thinking you weren’t going to come.” The owner of the house smiled brightly when he saw the girl on the couch next to Kiara. “After all, we hadn't seen you all week.”

“Late morning,” The redhead shrugged, wincing at the pain that shot through her arm at the motion. Serephina wasn’t technically lying. She had a late morning which resulted in her not doing the morning chores she needed to do before her parents woke up. She always woke up at five, two hours before her parents woke up, and cleaned up around the house but that morning, her alarm hadn’t gone off and she woke up to the sound of her dad shouting as his footsteps echoed loudly on the stairs. The strawberry blonde attempted to sneak out the window before he reached her room, but she had gotten out of the bed too slowly and before she could move towards her window, her dad had slammed open the door.

His face had been beet red with anger when he grabbed her by her forearm, so hard she wouldn't be surprised if bruises showed up later, and dragged her down the stairs, not caring that she was tripping over her own feet as she stumbled behind the older man.

“Dad-”

“Shut up!” He shouted, throwing her on the floor when he reached the bottom of the steps. “What the fuck is this mess? Huh? Couldn't you get off your ass and do something for once?”

Serephina groaned in pain when her shoulder hit the corner of the wall and the back of her head hit the floor, mentally hoping it wouldn't leave a bump.

“I'm sorry, I… My alarm didn't-”

“Quit making excuses, Phina, and get off the damn floor.” She heard her mother's condescending voice behind her. Serephina hated that tone because it meant she was truly in for it later when the older woman got home from work. “Clean it up. Now.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Quickly standing up from the floor, she moved towards the living room to pick up the discarded beer bottles her father had drank the previous night.

“I get off at midnight tonight. I expect you to be waiting on the couch when I return.” Her mom glared at the young girl, her normal light green eyes darkened. “Words, Serephina. I don't have all damn day.”

“I will be.” With a sick smile and a nod, the woman picked up her bag, then was out the door, leaving her with her father. Fear settled in the pit of her stomach, but she pushed it aside to continue to clean up. His eyes burned into her skin, his gaze following every movement she made. “Uhm… do you have a curfew for me today?”

She looked at her dad, his hazel eyes still on her and sly smirk on his lips, making her feel sick. “7:30.” He answered and turned on his heel to walk back up the stairs. When he was out of sight and she heard the pipes squeal to indicate he’s in the shower, she rushed to the sink, turned on the faucet, and threw up whatever was in her stomach from the day before.

“Seph!” A voice shouted, startling the strawberry blonde out of her thoughts and causing her to jump at the loud noise. She looked around and gathered her bearings, remembering that she was safe, she's with her best friends.

She first met Pope in the fifth grade and he introduced her to JJ, then John B, and finally, Kiara. They were quick to accept the girl into the group. Kiara was ecstatic to not be the only girl in the group and claimed the strawberry blonde to be her best friend. The two girls were inseparable, hanging out on their own, away from the boys until something happened in eighth grade that resulted in Serephina taking a step back from her and the group.

Eighth grade had been the year her parents got physical with their abuse. It was purely emotional until something in her dad snapped and he got physical. She had bruises covering her waist, arms, and face, along with a busted lip. To hide it until they faded, which took longer than she thought, she stopped hanging out with the Pogues and avoided them at all costs.

She didn't want them to see the bruises.

She couldn't let them see.

“Where’d you go?” It was JJ’s voice that spoke this time, his tone soft, and a hand resting on her thigh, which she cringed away from, the memory of that morning still playing in her head.

“Just in my head.” She answered after a couple of seconds passed, swallowing the bile that had risen in her throat while thinking about that morning.

“Are you sure? Talk to me.” He was whispering now and his body angled towards her so the others wouldn't hear him. Recently the two have been getting closer, almost as close as Kie and she had been when she first joined the group. He knew her like the back of his hand, with a few exceptions of the things she didn't want him to know, and she knew him. She would like to say she knew more than John B, but with how long the boys have known each other, she doubted it.

“I'm fine, J.” Serephina whispered, looking at the blonde, giving him a reassuring smile. “I have to be home by 7:30, so what's the plan for today?” She asks the group.

“Swimming down by the marsh is the plan, so I hope you're wearing a suit,” Pope said from the kitchen, opening a bag of chips. “Also, tell your parents to fuck off with that curfew thing!”

“Yeah, that's not happening unless I want to be murdered.” She joked, the group chuckled in response except for JJ, who looked at the girl with concern as she stood. “However, I'm not wearing one at the moment but there's one in my bag.”

“Go put it on then.”

“Damn, Kie, be more aggressive, why don't ya.”

Grabbing her bag that she had thrown on the floor when she arrived, the strawberry blonde walked to the guest bathroom to change.

━━━━༺❀༻━━━━

“Who wants the last beer?” Pope asked, holding up a cold bottle of beer that had been sitting in the cooler. They had been out on the marsh for a few hours. The sun was blazing, causing a sheen of sweat to coat his dark skin. When nobody answered, he took that as a sign that nobody wanted it and placed it back in the cooler, taking the free spot next to Kie.

Serephina pulled off her overshirt, revealing her lilac bikini top, and leaned back, forgetting the dark reddish-purple bruises in the shape of fingers on her porcelain skin as she did. “Oh, my God. Seph, what happened to your arm?” John B asked, worry laced with his tone.

Panic shot through the girl’s body as she racked her brain for an excuse she could use to explain it away. “Holy shit, who manhandled you?” Kiara lifted her sunglasses off her eyes to get a better look.

“Had a little run-in with… with Rafe on my way to the chateau. He was in a pissy mood coming back from Barry’s.” She lied easily, her heart dropping to her stomach. She hated lying to them but she couldn’t tell them the real truth. They had enough going on. If they found out what happened at home, they’d lose it and she didn’t want that. She didn’t want to risk them getting into any kind of trouble, even if it meant continuing to put up with her parents.

Feeling eyes on her, she turned and locked eyes on the blonde across from her. His brows were knitted together in concentration, his mouth moving but no sound coming out, and his bright blue eyes focused on her arm. He looked up to meet her gaze, and she saw a look in his eyes that she knew all too well because she once wore that look when she finally pieced together all of JJ’s lies about his cuts and bruises. “I’m going to go for a swim.” She announced and stood up, slipping off her sandals and stood on the edge of the boat. “Anyone want to join?”

“I will.” JJ stood and jumped into the water without a second thought. Serephina followed a few moments later after one last look at the group. “Seph, come over here.”

Swimming over to the blonde, she pushed back the wet hair that covered her face. “J, don’t say anything, please.” Were the first words she spoke when she reached her best friend. She knew he knew and there was no point in trying to beat around the bush. “You can’t… you can’t say anything.”

“Serephina, I’m not going to just sit back and-”

“JJ, please!” She cut him off, desperation laced in her words. He couldn’t tell them, she couldn’t let him even try to tell them. “J, please. It’s really nothing, anyway.”

“I used to say that same thing and it got worse. So bad you connected the dots so easily and told the group and you all helped me. Why can't I do the same for you?”

“Because they have enough going on, J! I can't—won't—add another burden onto them.” Serephina looks back at the boat, seeing her friends laughing at something John B was doing. Looking up at the sky, she realized the sun was setting, and panic flooded her body. “Fuck, what time is it? Kie! What time is it?”

“Five minutes to seven!” She shouted and the strawberry blonde froze. It was a twenty-eight-minute walk back to her place, but the boat was ten minutes away from the dock. She wouldn't make it.

“No, no, no. Damn it.”

“What?”

“I have to get home, but it's going to take too long. Oh, fuck.”

“Seph, what’s gonna happen if you get home late?” She went quiet and looked away. She knew exactly what was going to happen, and it made her sick. “Hey, look at me. What's going to happen?”

“I can't tell you.”

“You can. I'm not going to pressure you but if you don't tell me, I'm going to try my hardest to get you to stay here.”

“J, please. I have to go.” Serephina squeezes her eyes shut for a long moment and turns to swim back to the boat but is still by a hand on her wrist. She flinched at the sudden contact but didn't pull away. She was safe with him. His touch sent warmth through her body and let her know she was safe with him, that she would always be safe with him. He would never do anything that would hurt her and she knew it; she trusted him. “JJ-”

“I won't let you go back to that house, baby. Not if they're going to hurt you.”

“Are you two coming or what? Seph needs to hurry and get home.” John B called out from the boat as he started it up. JJ looked at her with pleading eyes and she could see the fear hidden behind them. He was scared to let her go just as she had been when she first found out about him.

She remembered the moment she connected the dots. She had been lying in the hammock at the chateau listening to JJ explain why he had shown up with a busted lip and black eye. He explained he got into a fight with some Kooks, not naming names like he usually would. She was staring at him, her eyes focused on his hand that she noticed twitched whenever he lied. Nobody else, not even John B, seemed to pick up on that tell, but she did. He was lying, and she knew he was. He wasn't getting into some random Kooks every few days. He wasn't straining his wrist or ankle by crashing his bike—though that was possible with how he rode the damn thing. But no, it wasn't either of those things. She knew the excuses like the back of her hand. She's been giving them since the middle of eighth grade.

“Full of shit.” She muttered without thinking, her eyes traveling up to his face, his bright blue eyes staring back at her.

JJ had told her how his dad sometimes lashed out but assured her nothing was wrong when she asked if he had ever physically hurt him earlier that week when she cleaned up a cut under his left eye; his twitching hand gave away his lies. JJ showed up a few days later with a bust lip and black eye after being MIA for days was enough for her to connect the dots.

His dad was physically hurting him.

“What?” Kiara had been the one to ask, sitting up on the hammock, but Serephina had ignored her, her green eyes locked on JJ’s. “Seph?”

“Don't.” JJ pleaded softly.

He knew she knew. She was smart and was always the one to piece things together first in the group, so it was no surprise to him she noticed first.

“He didn't get into a fight with a Kook.”

“Serephina.” He warned, but she didn't listen.

“His dad did this. All those times he said he got into a fight or crashed his bike? He lied.”

“Is… is that true?” Pope asked the blonde.

Once the whole group knew, JJ snapped. He broke down and Serephina shocked everyone by holding him close. She let him cry into her chest until he couldn't anymore and when he tried to go home? She refused to let him go.

She couldn't—wouldn't—let him go back to that house, knowing his dad could be waiting for him to beat him up just for the fun of it.

“I won't let him hurt you again.”

“You can't stop it, Seph, okay? It happens, and it's not even anything to worry about.”

“You're full of shit and you know it. You go MIA for days and then show up practically covered in cuts and bruises. I won't risk losing you. Please just stay with John B for a while. Please.” She pleaded, her eyes glossed over with unshed tears, and her hand intertwined with his fingers, refusing to let go. The thought of letting go right now scared her.

“Alright, hey, alright. Don't cry, you're too pretty for that.”

“Shut up. Just come back inside.”

“Seph, please.” Snapping back to reality at the sound of his voice, she sighed. “Stay with John B—or Kie, for a few days, okay? You turn eighteen on Saturday and then we're getting you out of there.”

“It's not that easy, JJ.”

“I know it isn't, just humor me then.” He cracked a small smile, his eyes pleading.

“Okay, alright. Let's go talk to the others then.”

The two swim back towards the boat and, with the help of Kie and Pope, are pulled back in. “What took so long?” Kie questioned, passing Serephina a towel since it was getting cold.

“John B, you can turn off the boat. I need to tell you guys something.” The girl spoke nervously, sitting back down in her previous spot. She heard John B twist the key, shutting off the boat with ease and joined the group in the small cockpit. They all looked at her expectantly and JJ nodded his head, silently telling her it was okay to tell them. “I can't go home. My parents aren't good people. They used to be but I guess I was some obstacle in their life, and in my father's words, I was some mistake that they should've gotten rid of. The… the abuse used to be purely emotional, nothing physical until eighth grade.” She paused and looked at her best friends, all of them wearing a similar expression of shock.

They couldn't believe the words the girl was saying. Her parents had always seemed so nice when the teens would see them out and about. But they supposed nothing was as it seemed nowadays.

“It got physical at the beginning of eighth grade, it's why I distanced myself for a while and missed so much school. The bruises were everywhere. My dad went a little crazy, I guess you could say. My mom stayed with the emotional torment, but… he didn't. He just kept getting worse, and he still is. The point here is, I got in trouble this morning because my alarm didn't wake me up two hours before they did, which means I didn't clean up the downstairs and they were not happy. My dad wanted me home at 7:30, which is earlier than normal for him, even on a good day, and it scares me because the last time he wanted me home early, I was limping for a few days and not because… because he beat me.” Tears were slipping from her eyes, leaving behind stains where they trailed down her cheek. They all froze at the implication behind her words.

JJ reached out and locked his hand in with hers. She let out a shaky breath at the contact, warmth spreading through her body. His touch seemed to keep her grounded and calm as she explained what happened at home when she left the group.

“If I go home tonight, especially if I show up late, which is likely considering how long it takes to get there and the time, I don't know what he's going to do. And my mom wants me awake and waiting for her when she gets home at midnight and I don't know what she has planned, but I know it's not good. So, I'm wondering, if I could stay with one of you?”

Kiara was the first to speak. Tears lined her eyes. “You can stay with me.” Her voice was soft and broken, clearly distraught by the words her best friend had just spoken. “Seph, how- why did- God, I'm so sorry.”

“Kie, if you cry, I might not stop.”

“Can I hug you, please?” She asks, hesitating to move a little closer to the strawberry blonde.

“Yeah, just not for long. I'm still working on the touching thing,” Serephina removed her hand from the blondes to wrap her arms around the dark-haired girl, not caring that she was still soaking wet from the water. “Pope, don't even think about announcing a group hug.” She joked, her arms still wrapped around Kiara, the girl's touch comforting.

“Then hurry and finish this so I can hug you myself.”

Pulling away from Kiara, she moved over to Pope, her arms wrapping around his bare torso. “You're all sweaty.” She wrinkled her nose as if to say he also stunk.

“Are you sure it's not you?” Pope chuckled, his own arms circling the girl’s shoulders, holding her close. She had always been like a sister to him since meeting her and hearing all those things broke his heart. All he wanted to do was hide her away and protect her, but he couldn't do the best he could do was hold her close for a few moments.

“Po, release.” She mumbled after a minute, reluctant to let go of him herself because she felt safer than she's ever felt in a long time.

“Right. Sorry.”

“No, it's okay. I feel safe, safer than ever when you guys hug me, but John B is being quiet and I want to see why.” She whispered so only Pope could hear her. He nodded with a smile and moved out of the way so she could go over to John B. The man with brunette hair and sun-kissed highlights was staring at her, his tears remained unshed but made his eyes glossy. “Hey, come here.”

John B let her circle her arms around his waist and took a few seconds to compose himself so his arms could circle her shoulders and hold her close. “I'm sorry I didn't see it before. I shouldn't have ignored all the signs, but I was too scared to admit that another one of my best friends was being hurt by the people supposed to protect them.”

“It's okay, JB. I don't blame you for ignoring it, I would've if I was in your shoes.”

“No, you wouldn't. You are the one who called JJ out on his bullshit.” He reminded you.

“Good point, but let's not focus on that, okay? Let's just get back to having fun today,” Serephina pulls herself out of his grips and turns to the group. “I'm sorry for not telling you guys sooner. I didn't want to add more stress onto you.”

“You wouldn't have. We're best friends, Serephina, and we protect each other. We help each other and we don't keep secrets from one another, so let's all promise, again, that we won't keep secrets.” JJ stood next to the strawberry blonde, a hand resting on the small of her back, sensing that his touch kept her grounded during all this.

“No more secrets.” They all promised.

Once all seriousness of the situation was out of the way, they headed back to the chateau and talked about whatever came to mind. After a couple of hours, Pope, John B, and Kiara left to go get some food from the Wreck since John B hadn’t gone shopping, leaving JJ and Serephina lying in the hammock outside.

“Hey, thanks for making me tell the others. I think it’ll do good.” She whispered, breaking the silence between them. JJ sat up and reached for her hand. She let him grab it and intertwine their fingers, still surprised by how comforting and grounding his touch was.

“Yeah, of course. Couldn't stand to see you in pain anymore. I always thought that when you showed up wincing in pain, you had fallen on your way here, given how clumsy you can be. But today when I saw those marks on your arm, I knew something else was wrong and then I thought about how quickly you were able to figure out what was going on with me and it all just kind of clicked.” He explained, turning their hands so the back of her hand was facing up and used his free hand to trace random figures.

“I know, I watched you piece it together earlier. Kept hoping you wouldn't call me out so instead of taking that chance, I went for a swim expecting you to follow and you did.”

“Thought about doing it the second it clicked but it would've made it harder to get you to open up about it so when you asked if anyone wanted to join you in the water, I saw my opportunity to call you out and took it.”

“Well, thanks for that. I don't know if I would've ever told any of you if that hadn't happened.” She scooted closer to the blonde, their faces mere inches away from each other. “What would I do without your dumbass?”

He chuckled before saying, “Live the most boring life.”

“Hmm, I suppose that's true.”

“You suppose? That's- You hurt my feelings, babe.” He placed a hand over his heart to exaggerate his point, making the girl roll her eyes, laughing at his stupidity. “You know you love me, don't even- don't even try to deny it.”

“Maybe I do, maybe I don't. You might never know.” She shrugged, making her face all serious, trying her hardest not to smile but failed quickly, a grin tugging on her lips. He always made it hard to keep a straight face near him. Being around him allowed her to drop all the walls she put up at home. He made her smile more than she thought possible. The blonde leaned in closer with a warm smile. “What?”

“Nothing, just… it's just your smile—your real smile, is something I haven’t seen in a while. It's as beautiful as ever.” His voice was soft, the moon shone in his face making his eyes glow, and his smile grew a bit. “Absolutely beautiful.” His eyes traced the structure of her face, memorizing every blemish, every wrinkle, and every curve.

“What are you doing?” She asked, her voice sounding breathless.

His tongue darts out to wet his lips. “Tell me if you want me to stop.”

She doesn't say anything, liking the feeling of him being close to her. The warmth radiating from his body was enough to calm her rapidly beating heart. At the feeling of his free hand cupping underneath her jaw, she closed her eyes and basked in the feeling of his breath fanning against her cheek. Serephina felt his lips brush against hers and a small whimper escaped from her throat.

Upon receiving that reaction from the girl, he pressed his lips against hers. She took a moment to respond but when she did, their lips moved in perfect sync, memorizing the feel and taste of each other. “So perfect,” He mumbled into her lips, breaking away to catch his breath.

“Kiss me again.” The blonde smiled, pressing his lips back on hers without thinking twice about it, his thumb caressing her cheekbone as he did.

Touch was something that didn’t come easy to the strawberry blonde but she could make an expectation for a few people. Mainly for him.

notes: if you would like to request something from the prompt list, you can find it here, just be sure to add the numbers and if its angst or fluff! if you want to request something that is not on the list, go right ahead and send in the ask!

add yourself to my taglist!

PERMANENT TAGLIST ( if it's crossed out that means i couldn't tag you )

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duckymcdoorknob · 3 years ago

Text

Be Alright

THE EVER AWAITED PROMISED PART 2 OF 3

Another shortened fic bc Uwu

You can read part one... here! On this very link! Am I stalling to make the link longer so it’s easier to click on? Oh yes I am.

I definitely didn’t reword some excerpts from my first fic NO WAY

Flashback text right here, bitches!

This is lyric text

Enjoy

Listen while you read!! ♡´･ᴗ･`♡♡´･ᴗ･`♡♡´･ᴗ･`♡

Ships: Koushi Sugawara x Gn!Reader(ish)

Warnings: Mayhaps some cursing?, injury mention, implied panic attack. angst. I mean like pure fucking angst. Good luck not crying.

Prompt: Part 2/3 of the Please Don’t Say You Love Me” collab. Limited POV! Focuses on Suga’s story as the days go by- Koushi Sugawara is a man of many passions and adorations. After ignoring his best friend for months because of the finals, he finally has to cope with losing the one who’s been with him since day 1. Very little x reader content, and the only interaction isn’t very cute.

Tags: General Taglist ❤︎. (Look how much it’s grown y’all are so sexy for this.) @lisiwalker, @rebloging-everything, @fushigum, @koushismatchalatte, @littlebbyleesfw

“I can’t believe this is happening I...” Sugawars released a shaky breath as he dragged his face through his hands, “I know I haven’t been the best but- heh so much for second chances...”

“Suga...” Daichi replied with a sympathetic look, “You never could’ve known. I just wish you didn’t have to find out this way.”

“You two have been friends since the very beginning, thick-as-thieves as our parents would say. You’ll get through it, you always have in the past.” Asahi said reassuringly, coaxing a small grin whenever his friend looked his way.

Koushi reminisced the night that they left... how could he forget the way they made him feel? How could he forget the way he made them feel?

His mind was filled with the harsh picture of how the night played out...

Thrilled couldn’t begin to describe how Koushi felt. He was overjoyed, ecstatic. He couldn’t wait to celebrate with his favorite people in the world: his boys and his best friend.

“We made it! We made it to nationals, (Y/N)!” Sugawara chimed as he bounded up to his best friend.

I look up from the crowd to see your sad and teary eyes.

(Y/N)’s forced smile and glazed eyes met with Sugawara’s gleaming ones. Upon seeing them, his face dropped, “(N/N)? Are you feeling okay?”

You look away from me and I see, there's something you're trying to hide.

“I’m fine. Just... go see your boys.” They pushed open the doors to the gymnasium and walked outside into the cold.

“(Y/N) what-“ Sugawara swallowed thickly, following them into the nipping air. “What’s going on? Is there something you need to tell me?”

And I reach for your hand but it's cold, you pull away again, and I wonder what's on your mind.

“It’s nothing, Koushi.”

“It’s not nothing. You know you can tell me anything, I’ll never judge.” He grinned warmly,

And so Suga waited in silence, he waited for them to speak. Totally unsure as to what they would admit, he patiently stood, tracing patterns in the thin blanket of snow that had just begun to stick.

“You’re not here anymore!” they finally admitted, “You’re so fucking busy with your team that you don’t see when family needs help.”

Sugawara’s heart dropped to his stomach, and jumped into his throat all at the same time. As he looked up from the ground, he found himself tongue tied.

“I- I told you I’d be there but-“ Suga never stutters. Ever. The fact that he found himself stuttering worried him; he didn’t want to break down in front of all of these people.

And then you say to me you made a dumb mistake. You start to tremble and your voice begins to break.

“You weren’t there for me! You never told me anything for months! I felt neglected, Koushi. You forgot about me.” (Y/N) spat as tears welled in their eyes.

“(Y/N)-“ they were right... how could he have been so blind to what he was doing??

“Just... I can’t do this anymore. It’s all so one sided that I can’t-“ (Y/N) sighed as they started to gently giggle.

Suga wasn’t entirely sure what was funny about the situation. He guessed it was a laugh of disbelief but, he couldn’t wrap his head around what was occurring.

You say the time we spent together was never quite enough

“We used to be so close...” (Y/N) whispered as they beamed Suga a patient smile, “Now...”

“Used?” He inquired gently.

“Yes, Koushi. Used.” they sniffled as their tears returned.

“You know I love volleyball! You can’t expect me-“

And then the bomb dropped. The day Sugawara’s entire life changed. For better or worse, he was quite unsure.

“And I love you, Koushi! Is that enough to keep you here? Will I finally be enough!?”

I feel the color draining from my face...

The silver haired boy stood dumbfounded. Was this real? Of course he wanted to hear those words, but never laced with such heartache and venom, never followed by the words they managed to cry out. “Y-you love me?”

“I do. But I guess those stupid fucking butterflies chose wrong.”

Sugawara was paralyzed. He wondered if his heart had actually shattered, or if he was just wounded spiritually. He called vainly for his best friend, struggling to remain his composure.

“Suga, it’s time to collect the trophy!” Daichi chirped as he held onto the open gym door, “Woah. You okay buddy?”

“They... they left me. I-“ he furrowed his brows and squinted his straining eyes, “I can’t believe I screwed it up this bad...”

“Suga, what are you talking about?”

“I promised them I’d be there... I promised, Daichi... I can’t give this to them. Not after I broke my promise.”

The glinting, silver ring was lazily thrown into Sugawara’s pocket. He didn’t care if it scratched or chipped, he didn’t care about putting it back in the box, he didn’t care if it fell out or got lost.

The only thing he was supposed to care about was gone.

But he chose volleyball over them, and he didn’t ever think he could forgive himself.

And my friend said...

Daichi and Asahi both placed their hands on Koushi’s shoulders to show their compassion and sympathy. But upon the gentlest grazing of his friends’ fingertips, Suga’s eyes welled with tears and he clung onto Daichi.

“It’s alright, Suga.” Daichi rubbed the setter’s back, coddling him as he struggled to maintain his composure, “Hey. Don’t try to hold it in, just let it right out.” the captain’s words were just above a whisper as he tightened his grip in preparation.

After a couple sniffles and a shaky inhale, Koushi finally released an anguished cry and let his frustrations go. The setter dropped to his knees, causing Daichi to scramble and follow in pursuit.

“God w-what have I done?!” Koushi cried out, “I-I need to fix this! Please! Guys! Let me see them!”

“I know you love them, but it's over, Suga.” Daichi mumbled as he closed his eyes, struggling himself to stay alert and not begin to cry along with Sugawara, “You need to focus on your own well being right now, not how (Y/N) is feeling.”

Sugawara took that personally, how dare Daichi make that assumption!? “Just because I want to correct my wrongdoings doesn’t make me Un-focused! I’m going to text them right now, I have to fix this. I have t-“

“It doesn't matter” Asahi interrupted quite loudly, “put the phone away.”

With a painstaking look, as if he were pleading with his eyes, Suga stared at Asahi, then Daichi, then the phone in his hands. A few loose tears escaped his eyes as he gently laid it back in his pocket.

“It's never easy to walk away... but you have to let them go.” Daichi said gently, offering a hand to help his friend to his feet.

“I just...” Suga sighed, “Can we just stay here for a little bit?”

“It'll be alright” both third years said quietly, placing a loving hand on a different place on Suga’s body. Daichi wordlessly squeezed his shoulders and Asahi hummed a small tune as he let his thumb rub over the setter’s knee.

As the days marched forward, Sugawara’s mental state began to decrease. How could he have been so blind? Did he really choose a sport over his own family? (Y/N) wasn’t his blood relative, but they were just that close.

So I asked to look back at all the messages you'd sent

“Daichi...? S-should I look at our texts?”

“Your what?”

“My texts,” he swallowed thickly, “W-with them.”

The spiker exhaled through pursed lips, cold air emitting from them. He looked at Suga, who he couldn’t read, for his numb expression made it very difficult. “Is there any specific reason why?”

And I know it wasn't right, but it was fucking with my head

“I want to see if they...” Koushi released his own gentle exhale, “I-if they tried to tell me or-“

“Suga, no. This is only going to make matters worse.” Daichi replied as he reached out a hand for the setter’s phone.

“Daichi please.” He muttered, attempting to ignore the threatening buzz of a breakdown that resided in his chest.

“Suga I-“ Daichi wanted to be stern. He wanted to tell Sugawara that he shouldn’t make himself more upset, that he was only going to make himself worse.

He couldn’t seem to do it.

“Fine.”

Koushi seemed hesitant to do so, but he took his phone out of his pocket and opened up to his messages.

The two sat in uncomfortable silence as the silver haired boy read through his texts with them. He would occasionally giggle, making the captain’s heart flutter. He would give anything to hear his friend laugh again; it had been far too long.

“They haven’t said anything.” Sugawara stayed as his eyes flicked across his phone screen.

“Is that good or bad?” Daichi replied gently.

“Dunno yet.” Suga smiled weakly and put his phone back in his pocket, “But it was nice to ‘talk’ to them once again.”

The captain grinned sympathetically and held out his hand to meet Suga’s. When the setter hesitantly placed it in the latter’s, he was met with a squeeze of reassurance.

“Okay can I tell you a joke or something? I need to hear you like, laugh again.” Daichi said in exasperation, lightly tracing Suga’s palm.

The setter snorted and started to let out tiny chuckles, “Oh Daichi. What am I going to with you?”

And everything deleted like the past, yea it was gone.

Sugawara tapped his pencil rhythmically against his desk, glaring at the seemingly frozen clock. He had to get out of this class before he had a heart attack. Weakly raising his hand, he trembled in his seat, waiting for his teacher to acknowledge him.

She hadn’t yet.

The setter began to breathe weirdly. He couldn’t explain it, but he knew that people were looking at him. He squeezed his eyes shut... please just... notice him. Let him go...

“Mrs. Kaiko! I just remembered that Suga and I have to do a quick interview for the yearbook at this time. May we be excused?”

And when I saw your face, I could tell you're moving on.

Koushi opened his eyes to his savior standing on both feet, right next to his desk... it was (Y/N).

“I suppose. We’re done for today anyways.”

The two wordlessly exited the classroom after (Y/N) said a quick goodbye. “Suga.” They spoke suddenly, “are you alright now?”

“M-Mhm. Thank you.”

But it's not the fact that you were with him yesterday

They checked their phone and gasped as they widened their eyes suddenly. “Do you need me to stay with you? Katsumi needs me to help them study.”

It's the feeling of betrayal, that I just can't seem to shake

“N..no im fine. You go have fun.”

“Koushi what’s going on? Why haven’t you left yet?”

“Everything I know tells me that I should walk away...” Sugawara mumbled as he stared at the floor, “But I just want to stay. I- I haven’t talked to you in so long and I just miss you...”

(Y/N) sighed, standing up from their kneeling position. They sighed heavily, “I’m sorry. You made your evident choice back then. Sure, you’ve grown because you regret making me fall for you, then having to lose me. But you don’t really miss me...” they turned on their heel and walked away, “Just the idea of me.”

Sugawara felt his heart pang as he stutter stepped toward the bathroom. His eyes became practically blind as they were inhibited by his tears.

“Suga? Hey- hey hey hey buddy what’s wrong?” Asahi’s gentle voice suddenly sounded. He reached a hand out for Koushi.

“J-jus’ hold ont’ me please.” Koushi managed to quietly stutter as his weakened knees buckled from beneath him, sending him into the ace’s grasp.

It's gonna hurt for a bit of time, so bottoms up, let's forget tonight.

Asahi’s heart snapped in two as he held the broken boy, who was now stuttering incoherently through a new meltdown. “You'll find another and you'll be just fine, Suga. You’re strong and passionate, you can pull through this.”

“Asahi I... I don’t think I can. That’s the problem.” Sugawara was now able to formate sentences, but he really wished he hadn’t been able to...

“You can. You’ll be able to push through, I know-“

“Asahi I‘m still in love with them! I miss them every day and I just want to hold them and tell them everything will be fine.” Koushi’s demeanor softened suddenly, “But I made my choice, and they’ve made theirs.”

Let them go... It’ll be alright.

But nothing heals the past like time.

Time.

That’s all he needed.

He needed to give it some time before he tried to win them back.

And they can't steal the love you're born to find.

That’s right.

He was going to show them that the butterflies chose correctly.

He was going to prove he wasn’t going to neglect them any longer.

He just didn’t know what to say.

Or when to say it.

Or where to start...

It’ll be alright.

——————✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞——————

I am literally so sorry for this LMFAO

Keep an eye out for part three!

♡︎ 𝙿𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚜 / 𝙵𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚕♡︎

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spencers-renaissance · 4 years ago

Text

you know that a boy who likes boys is a dead boy

Summary: Spencer's gay. He joins the BAU and befriends the team, but it is 2003. It's a secret he has to keep. He just didn't expect it to be this hard.

Tags: gay!spencer, coming out, hurt/comfort, insecure!spencer, misunderstandings, angst with a happy ending, dad hotch, protective!hotch, protective!derek, childhood trauma TW: one instance of explicit homophobia, but it is referenced a lot, as is Spencer's internalised homophobia at the start of this fic. A shit ton of heteronormativity but tbh that's just canon lol

Pairing: Spencer Reid/OMC, Spencer Reid & Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid & Aaron Hotchner, The BAU Team & Spencer Reid

Word Count: 6k

Masterlist // Read on AO3

Consider this my contribution to pride month 😌 I've waited so long to post it and I'm so glad I'm finally doing it because it's definitely one of my all time favourites <3 Gideon is here somewhere but just like with all my early season fics he's not really part of the plot I combined my moreid and gen taglists bc it was hard to know the audience for this, but just ignore it if you're not interested!

you know that a boy who likes boys is a dead boy, unless he keeps his mouth shut, which is what you didn’t do, because you are weak and hollow and it doesn’t matter anymore. — richard siken, a primer for the small weird loves

Spencer has only told one person in his whole life.

His mother guessed. For as long as he can remember, she’s used gender neutral pronouns when talking about his future partner, read him all the gay literature she could find, promised him that he’s perfect just the way he is.

The trouble is that Spencer only believes her until the first grade, when Ryan Sampson shoves him over in the playground and calls him gay. His mom had only ever used that term in a sweet, loving way, taking care to associate such words with positivity, as long as his dad wasn’t around to hear. When that word comes out of Ryan Sampson’s mouth, it is not said with sweetness and love; it is said with venom, and Spencer learns quickly that his mom is wrong. He is not perfect just the way he is.

And so, he keeps it a secret. When his mom notices him getting uncomfortable at the mention of future partners, she stops bringing it up, though she refuses to give up the diverse education she provides for him outside of school. His dad tells him that one day he’ll be a strapping young man and marry a nice girl in a church, and Spencer nods along. He ignores the way his stomach turns with anxiety at the thought. Ignores the screaming match his parents have that night. Ignores the fact that it started because Diana chipped in with ‘or boy’.

He’s in high school by the time he’s twelve, and the only part he’s grateful for is the absence of pressure to get a girlfriend. His dad’s out of the picture now, and Spencer tries not to let himself think that maybe if he wasn’t like this he might have stayed. Diana’s so out of it most days that she doesn’t remember what she noticed about him when he was a child, only recalling the last few years of shoving himself so far back in the closet he can hardly see the door anymore.

It feels like he’s lost his last ally.

(He hates that a small part of him feels relieved she doesn’t remember; that he almost feels assured by the fact that the last person to know who he really is has forgotten. There is only this version of Spencer Reid now. No other exists.)

He makes the mistake during his second undergraduate degree. He’s just turned eighteen but he is already a doctor and, fortunately, this alienates him from most of his peers, but someone manages to slide past his defences. Ethan Miller is twenty, in the second year of his (first) undergraduate degree in Chemical Engineering, and he’s nice. Spencer doesn’t have a lot of experience with friendship, but they get on well and Ethan makes him laugh. For the first time, he feels comfortable in the presence of anyone other than his mother.

They slip into an easy friendship: waiting for each other after class — Spencer back in the undergraduate buildings now he has his first PhD under his belt — and going out for ice cream and pizza and Thai food. Ethan goes to parties while Spencer studies, and then they reconvene to watch Doctor Who and play cards.

For almost a year, Spencer keeps his secret carefully locked up, hidden behind the mask he’s perfected after so many years. Even though he’s eighteen, nearly nineteen now, he doesn’t try and explore that side of himself. No, that’s far too risky. He doesn’t try and pretend any other way either, he just stays silent and lets people’s assumptions lie for him, but he can’t help the longing that claws up his throat when he locks eyes with a passing guy on campus. One time, he’d seen two men kiss on a bench in the city, and he’d run back to his dorm and had a panic attack. Why couldn’t he have that?

The feelings don’t stop, and he doesn’t know how to make them. He hates that he isn’t normal, but still longs for the touch of a man, the feeling of being wrapped up in strong arms, of being kissed by dry, chapped lips, and falling asleep to a heartbeat approximately 11% slower than that of a woman’s.

It’s a constant battle inside him, emotions raging, and he struggles to control it, suppress it, tame it.

He pays a sorry price.

Ethan makes him feel comfortable, and that turns out to be a detriment. He relaxes around the other boy: he tells him about growing up as a pre-teen in a high school, about how a child feels living 260 miles away from home, even about his mother’s illness.

And one day, it slips out. They’re on the beach, lying on towels as they look up at the blue sky, talking about what their futures will look like: Ethan will be a successful chemical engineer in Berlin, and Spencer will work for the FBI, profiling serial killers.

“You’ll have to marry a German girl,” he tells Ethan. “It’ll be tough to convince an American girl to move all the way to Germany as soon as you graduate.”

“Yeah, and what about you? You’ll be off fighting crime around the country, not much of a life for a family.”

“Oh, I imagine my husband will be the type to—”

“Husband?”

Spencer freezes. It shocks him as much as it shocks Ethan. He doesn’t even pay much attention to Ethan’s disgusted face and his outraged tirade. He hears slurs and insults, hears him say that he can’t believe Spencer tricked him like this, that he was probably waiting to make a move on him, that he was never to look in Ethan’s direction again, but Spencer is frozen in time.

He’s never allowed him to think much about what his personal life might look like in the future, but he’d said ‘husband’ on instinct, without thinking, and it’s clearly something he actually wants. Ethan’s words sting, but the moment brings about a realisation Spencer is thankful for; it instigates a journey of self-discovery and self-expression, of the joy of living as your true self.

He loses his first and only friend, but he gains something much more valuable. He visits gay bars — nervously sipping a non-alcoholic drink in the corner at first, before soon becoming confident enough to respond to the men who sidle up to him and ask for his name. He lets go and dances the night away, sometimes going home with one of the many dance partners he acquires during the night, sometimes heading back to his own dorm happily alone.

Makeup and dresses and skirts and heels make their way into his wardrobe, and he befriends girls and drag queens and other gay men who encourage him to be exactly the way he is. And the best part is, he never has to come out to any of them. All of them know, and that’s good enough for everyone.

The fun comes to a sad sort of slow, however, when he joins the BAU. Everyone knows law enforcement’s relationship with the LGBT community is less than adequate — Spencer’s seen it with his own eyes: butch lesbians and men in dresses getting roughed up by angry police officers for ‘lewd behaviour’ or ‘drunkenness’ when they’re just being themselves. It’s not safe for him to tell anyone, so he doesn’t.

He still goes out with his friends when he’s in town and wears makeup and dresses and crop tops when he’s at home, but presents as rigidly straight Dr Spencer Reid to his team at the BAU.

The hardest part about it is that he loves his team. He’s known Gideon for years — and he wouldn’t be surprised if he suspects something after coming over to his house unannounced one night, only to have a man other than Spencer open the door — but he settles into a comforting dynamic with Hotch. He can’t help but see him as something of a father figure, and he knows Hotch has a soft spot for him, always looking out for him and taking him under his wing without a moment’s hesitation.

Elle, JJ, and Penelope all take a shine to him, too, teasing him without a hint of malice in their tones, only the kind of playful kindness that reminds him of his mother. He forms a special bond with Penelope and they spend hours watching Doctor Who together and geeking out on all the areas their interests overlap, and the comfort he feels with her matches the comfort he’s found with his new group of queer friends.

(She doesn’t hold a candle to Ethan, he decides one night, after he’d cried at a movie she’d made him watch and she felt so bad she made him hot chocolate and jam toast and cuddled him until he felt better.)

Derek becomes a brother to him. He puts him in a headlock at least once a day — which Spencer has been reliably informed by multiple sources is a very brotherly thing to do — and teases him relentlessly, while simultaneously being fiercely protective of him. Enough so, that Spencer sometimes wonders if he even has Hotch beat in that department.

He loves his team and his team loves him. It should be simple. It is still 2003.

He comes in one morning late for a briefing, his shirt buttoned wrong and his hair is a mess, and he’s fairly sure that his attempt to cover the hickey at the base of his neck with concealer has been ultimately unsuccessful. It’s obvious why he’s late. Gideon is too engrossed in the case file to notice, but Hotch raises an eyebrow, an amused look on his face as everyone else immediately takes to teasing him.

“Who’s the lucky lady, pretty boy?”

Elle raises an eyebrow to match Derek’s shit-eating grin, “Someone definitely got some strange last night.”

“When do we get to meet her, Spence?” JJ asks, smirking as he takes a seat.

He’s bright red — as if he needed to look any more debauched — and Spencer tries to ignore the hurt that seizes his chest at the reminder of his need to stay quiet. This team respects him, and he can’t throw that away just because Spencer gets too comfortable.

God, he wishes Penelope was here.

“None of your business,” he mutters, trying to keep his tone light. He fails.

Naturally, Hotch notices and swiftly moves the briefing on, and Spencer keeps his gaze locked on the case file, not missing the absence of a reprimand from his superior. He’s constantly thankful for the older man, but in this moment, he wishes he could hug him.

(A voice that sounds dangerously close to Ethan’s rises up and taunts him in his ear: he wouldn’t want a dirty homo like you anywhere near him—)

Derek doesn’t let up on the case, continuing to bug him about the special lady in his life. He does concede that it could’ve been a one night stand, which is one front he’s right on, but a couple more concessions are necessary before Derek comes close to the truth of last night.

Eventually, Derek stops, and Spencer notes that the cessation of comments comes suspiciously close to the last time Derek and Hotch were alone together. He doesn’t have it in him to feel angry at Hotch for stepping in when he had it handled; doesn’t have the energy to act as though his pride is wounded, because really, neither of those things are true, and he doesn’t need to add another item to ‘Spencer Reid’s List of Things He Pretends to Be.’

The situation is forgotten, and time moves on.

Things change when he finds his first proper boyfriend. He doesn’t know what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t the giddying rush of emotions it turns out to be, and Spencer spends his days smiling as he daydreams his time away.

His name is Oscar Wilkins, a History professor at Georgetown University, and Spencer falls quickly in love with him. Ever since their mutual friend had introduced them at a gay bar one evening, they’d spent all their free time together. He’s kind and gentle and understanding of Spencer’s hectic and unpredictable job, and he finally has the chance to experience everything he quietly and shamefully longed for as a teenager.

The only downside is the silent breaking of Spencer’s heart that the most important people in his life can’t meet his boyfriend. He longs to show Oscar off, to hold hands in front of his team, lean up to press a tender kiss to Oscar’s lips. He wants to put a framed picture of the two of them at the Washington Monument on his desk to remind him of why he needs to get through the hard days; he doesn’t want to have to sneak out of the hotel room he shares with Derek to whisper hushed, loving goodnights over the phone.

But he’s too scared. Too cowardly.

It’s different being who he is with his gay group of friends littered with wlws and drag queens and other gay and bisexual guys. They understand.

But Derek and Hotch are two extremely masculine, alpha men: Derek’s a ladies’ man and Hotch is married to a woman he met in college with a baby on the way and both have a strong and dominant energy that still sometimes manages to intimidate Spencer even after all these years. And Elle and JJ are lovely — some of his closest friends, really — but sometimes they remind him a little too much of the mean girls he went to high school with.

The hardest person to keep his secret from, though, is Penelope. She’s his best friend and he desperately wants to give her all of him, but he’s so scared. He’s lost a best friend to this secret before, and even though he’s certain she’d be fine with it, what if she accidentally let it slip to Derek? What if Hotch found out and didn’t see him in the same light anymore? What if the girls started teasing him? What if Gideon didn’t want to mentor him anymore?

The fear paralyses him. And it’s a cycle he doesn’t know how to break.

Fear, though, doesn't stop everyone from noticing his daydreaming, his dopey smile when he checks his messages, his urgency to get home where he would’ve stayed until the small hours of the morning before. As excellent as he is at hiding his sexuality, he’s fucking terrible at hiding the fact that he’s in love: it was easy enough to pretend he was straight, but hiding something this all-consuming is an impossible ask.

Derek comes over to perch on the edge of his desk one afternoon, sighing as he sits down. “Pretty boy, this is getting ridiculous,” he says, snatching Spencer’s attention away from his phone. “You’ve been grinning like an idiot for the last twenty minutes as you’ve texted Future Mrs Reid. When are we going to meet her?”

(He hates the new nickname the team has given his mystery significant other, although Oscar had found it hilarious. “It’s funny because when we get married, we’ll hardly be able to tell,” he’d argued through his laughter. “Neither of us will change our name because of our academic profiles, and we’ll both still be ‘Dr’. Our wedding rings will be the only indicator.”

Spencer hadn’t argued back, because he’d been too tongue-tied and flushed pink at Oscar’s use of ‘when’ in regards to their hypothetical nuptials. It was only made bearable by Oscar kissing him gently and tucking him under his arm, not embarrassing him any further as Spencer had sort of anticipated, warmth settling over his chest at the thought of their future together.)

“You won’t,” he replies, perhaps a little too curtly.

Derek starts at that, clearly not expecting it. He definitely should’ve tried to play it off as a joke. “What— should I be offended, pretty boy?”

You wouldn’t call me that if you knew who I really am.

“That’s up to you, Derek,” he says calmly, although he still can’t meet his eyes, “but you won’t meet the ‘Future Mrs Reid, so I think it would probably be best if you left it alone.”

“Damn,” Derek mutters under his breath, clearly pissed off and probably more hurt than Spencer ever intended. “Suit yourself.”

And with that, he gets up and leaves his desk. Spencer’s only solace is the text message he sees on his phone when he picks it back up: I love you so much. You know that, right?

The light-hearted ridicule comes to an abrupt halt after the incident with Derek, and it’s clear that he had been the biggest contributor to the teasing. He’s thankful that the jokes have stopped, but he wishes desperately that it didn’t come with the growing distance between him and his team. Loneliness takes the place of his previous irritated anxiety, and he isn’t sure what’s worse.

It all comes to a head at the end of a case in Michigan. They’re stuck in the lounge of the small inn they’d stayed in the last few days, a snowstorm having blocked them in and grounded the jet, although Gideon had long since retreated to his room. The fire’s going and they’re the only guests around, so it’s cosy enough, but Spencer can’t help but feel sick at the idea of another night away from home.

It’s only been two weeks since he’d snapped at Derek, but the chasm between him and the team is only widening with each passing day. He knows it’s not a case of ‘pick a side’, but the team’s morale relies on light-hearted banter and teasing, and him not being a part of that anymore has only brewed awkwardness. Everyone’s trying to give him space when space is the last thing he wants.

Oscar’s keeping him company over the phone at least, but it’s not quite enough to quell the loneliness swimming around his stomach, and the 'discrete' sideways looks he gets from the team only make him feel worse.

“At least it’s nice and toasty in here,” JJ sighs as she takes a sip of the hot chocolate the kindly inn owner had made for them all.

Elle hums in agreement. “There are worse places to be grounded.”

“I dunno, man, I just wanna get home,” Derek says, not taking his eyes off the fire. Spencer can’t help but agree.

“Oh, come on,” Hotch muses, considerably more jovial now the case is over, “we’re here, and that’s not going to change any time soon. We should make the most of it.”

“It’s at least nice to be somewhere sort-of Christmassy now it’s December,” Elle points out. “We could be stuck in a dingy police station like we probably will be next week.”

“Ooh, I noticed that Jemimah and Kiran started planning the Christmas party last week,” JJ says, smiling at them. “I offered my help, but they seem to have it covered.”

Hotch raises an eyebrow“That’s probably a good thing. You don’t need more work on your plate.”

“Not gonna argue with that,” she murmurs, smiling as she brings her mug to her lips again.

Spencer doesn’t miss that Derek is still stewing on the opposite side of the room.

“Are you looking forward to the Christmas party, Spencer? Will you come?” Hotch asks, clearly trying to rope him into the conversation, which he appreciates. He’s been making a lot of effort with him the past few weeks, and it’s just about the only thing that’s getting him through each day.

Before he can reply, though, Derek erupts from the other side of the room; an already pissed-off man being pushed over the edge. “He won’t even let us meet his fucking girlfriend, Hotch, he’s not gonna want to come to the Christmas party!” he yells, throwing his hands in the air as he glares at Spencer with a stormy expression raging across his face.

Suddenly, Spencer can’t stay silent anymore, and his retort shocks himself just as much as it does everyone else. “I don’t have a girlfriend!”

It might be the loudest he’s ever shouted in his whole life. He’s always been quiet and restrained, the type to state his feelings as calmly as possible no matter how he’s feeling on the inside. Even in the biggest fight he’s had with Oscar, his voice was barely loud enough to qualify as a shout.

There’s a brief stunned silence, but Derek quickly slices his way through it, voice raising to meet Spencer’s fiery emotion, fierce and loud. “Oh, don’t even go there, Reid, you’re really gonna try and argue that? You’re gonna lie about her as well as not let us meet her? What a boyfriend you are.”

“I don’t! I don’t have a girlfriend!” he repeats, voice catching this time as tears rise unbidden to the backs of his eyes and all the emotions of the journey he’s taken with his sexuality over the years flood him in a wave of intensity he’s not prepared for.

“You’re fucking lying—!”

“I have a boyfriend!” he yells. “Alright? I have a boyfriend. I’m gay.”

The anger and emotion quickly dissipates, and he’s left standing alone in front of the team he’s put so much effort into hiding this from, watching shock spell out across everyone’s expressions. He’s never felt smaller than he does in that moment, and he quickly grabs his phone before running upstairs to his room, locking the door behind him.

“Oh God, Oscar, I fucked up so bad,” he cries over the phone as soon as his boyfriend picks up.

“Hey, hey, breathe, baby,” Oscar says gently, but Spencer can hear the anxious concern in his voice, “it’s gonna be okay, I promise. I’m here. Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“I just— Oh God, I just told the team.” A new wave of horror rolls over him as he realises what he’s done. Times might be changing, but it’s still only 2006, and he doesn’t know each and every nuance of his team members’ political positions and, fuck, he hates that his existence is a fucking political position.

Oscar’s been so understanding of his reluctance to not tell the team, even though Spencer’s met pretty much everyone in his life. He isn’t sure what he’s done to earn such a gracious and understanding boyfriend, but he’s not about to question it.

“Baby, I know it’s scary, and I know you’re really worked up right now,” he counsels, voice soft and reassuring, using the nickname he knows Spencer loves the most to make him feel as safe as he can from 700 miles away, “but it’s probably not as bad as you think. From what you’ve told me about the team, they love you so much, and even in the case that in the past they've had some issue with gay people, I can't imagine they’d ever actually think of you any differently when it comes down to it, Spencer.”

He’s crying too hard to reply, and Oscar understands immediately, gently transitioning into a story about his day that slowly starts to calm him down, and by the time he’s wrapping it up, his tears are starting to subside.

“Thank you, Ozzy,” he whispers into the phone, lifting himself up off the floor and making his way to sit on the bed instead.

“You know I’d do anything for you, sweetheart,” he murmurs warmly. “Do you want me to stay on the phone for a bit?”

“Yes please,” he whispers again, holding it as close to himself as possible, drawing all the comfort he can from his boyfriend’s voice.

He lies there listening to Oscar’s voice and trying not to think about the disaster downstairs for a good ten minutes before there’s a tap at the door.

“Oz, there’s someone here,” he says, voice panicked.

“I think you should probably speak to them, baby,” he urges. “I’ll stay on the phone with you while you do, if you like?”

“Please.” He gets up from the bed gingerly, keeping his phone tightly gripped in his right hand as he slowly unlocks the door with his left, revealing Hotch on the other side.

“Hey, Spencer. Do you mind if I come in?”

He’s riddled with nerves, but Hotch is smiling warmly, and he’s never said a harsh word to Spencer, so he steps aside and lets him into his room.

Hotch quickly notices the phone in his hand, visibly still on a call. “Is that your boyfriend?”

Spencer nods.

“Do you mind if I talk to him?”

His brows knit in confusion and his lips part slightly in surprise, but it’s all he can do to hand the phone over, watching Hotch carefully.

“Hi, Spencer tells me this is his boyfriend?” Hotch inquires politely into the phone, his tone still warm. “I’m Hotch, Spencer’s boss.”

He can vaguely hear Oscar speaking on the other end of the line, and he worries slightly that Oscar will somehow give away the familial feelings he holds for Hotch, but the conversation doesn’t last long enough for the anxiety to really take over.

“Everything’s fine here, I just want to have a conversation with Spencer, so is it alright if we hang up and I talk to him alone for a minute? He can call you straight back afterwards.” After a brief pause in which Oscar says something, Hotch looks back up at him. “Are you okay with that, Spencer?”

He nods hesitantly, and Hotch says a quick goodbye to Oscar before surging forwards and wrapping Spencer in a hug. It catches him off guard, but he doesn’t waste any time in burying his face into Hotch’s neck and soaking in the comfort and warmth that always radiates from his father figure.

“Come on,” Hotch says softly as they pull away a good minute or so later, “let’s sit down, shall we?”

“You’re not mad?” Spencer can’t help but ask, the question burning his tongue as anxiety — however quietened from Hotch’s hug — still swims around in his stomach.

“There are many things that could make me mad, Spencer,” he says earnestly, “but this is not one of them. I would never be angry at you for being who you are, okay? I might… I might be overstepping here, and if I am, then tell me and I’ll back off, but I’ve always seen you as a mentee, and over the years that’s developed— well, I see you more as a son these days. And part of that is wanting to protect and support you no matter what you do or say or who you are.”

Spencer wastes no time in diving back in for a hug, clinging onto Hotch for dear life as he hugs back, rubbing his back gently.

“I’m so sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell us sooner, Spencer,” he says in a voice soft with affection and regret. “But I’m so glad you’ve told us now.”

He only presses closer at that, tears springing back to his eyes. “I didn’t want to lose you.” He knows what he’s implying, and even in a roundabout way, he’s glad he’s telling Hotch.

“Oh, Spence,” he sighs sadly, “you couldn’t do a single thing to lose me. I’m in it for the long haul.”

“Really?” he asks, hating how insecure he sounds.

“Really,” Hotch promises, pulling away as Spencer does. “Now, you have a whole team of agents downstairs who are feeling very sorry for themselves and really want to see you.”

Nausea rolls in his stomach and panic springs back up as he looks at Hotch, desperate for some sort of grounding. “Are they angry at me? Do they hate me now?”

“No one hates you, Spencer,” he says firmly. “I promise you that. Everyone just wishes that they’d made you feel more welcome and comfortable. We all hate that you felt you had to lock up something so integral to who you are, and we can’t help but feel we played a part in it.”

“No,” he protests — the last thing he wants is family blaming themselves when it has nothing to do with them, “it’s not your fault, it’s just…”

Hotch nods. “I understand, it’s okay. Now, do you want to go down and see them? You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but it might help ease your mind to see that they really don’t hate you.”

Spencer pauses, taking a moment to think. “Can I see Derek first?”

“Of course,” Hotch says understandingly, and the comforting smile that crosses his face makes Spencer feel safe and taken care of. “I’ll send him up?”

Spencer nods and Hotch hugs him once more before leaving the room almost reluctantly. He wastes no time in picking up his phone and sending a text to Oscar. You were right. Hotch is fine. He’s just sending Derek up before I go and see the team but he says that no one’s angry and I think I believe him. Thank you, Oscar. I love you.

Not even half a minute goes past before his phone lights up with a text back. I’m so glad, baby. Call me later, okay? I want to make sure you’re okay before I go to bed. I love you more.

Before Spencer can argue that actually, he is the one more in love with the other, a hesitant knock sounds on his door. Nerves suddenly flip his stomach, and he clenches and unclenches his fists a couple of times before forcing himself to cross the room, revealing a very worried and regretful-looking Derek.

“Oh, pretty boy,” he says sadly, before crushing Spencer in a warm and tender hug. Immediately, he relaxes into the arms of one of his best friends, and relief courses through his blood at Derek’s reaction. “I am so sorry that I ever made you feel like you couldn’t tell me that you were gay or had a boyfriend. That’s completely on me. I don’t care who you love, Spencer, I just want you to be happy, okay? And if this guy makes you happy, then that’s fine by me. But if he ever lays a hand on you or—”

“Derek, Derek,” he laughs, “it’s fine I get it. Thank you, though, I’m… I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you earlier and for snapping at you in the bullpen that time…”

“I understand, Spence,” he promises. “It’s in the past, okay? And I’m sorry for pushing so hard. I mean, I’d love to meet him but if you don’t feel comfortable or you don’t want to, that’s fine, too. It’s your life, man.”

“No, I… I think I want you guys to meet him. It’s been so hard to keep him away from the people I consider my family, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. Maybe after Christmas, we can all have dinner or something.”

Spencer smiles shyly. “Well, Oscar’s a great cook, so I reckon we could work something out.”

Derek grins, throwing an arm around his shoulders as he immediately jumps back into teasing him as they make their way to the door to go downstairs and see the rest of the team. “Ooh, lover boy’s got him a chef, hey? What else does this Oscar have going for him?”

Spencer chatters eagerly about his boyfriend to Derek, barely skipping a beat when he joins everyone downstairs, his friends taking his cues and joining in with the conversation seamlessly. He’s had enough fuss for one night, and the warmth and understanding on everyone’s faces tells him everything he needs to know.

“Do you have any pictures of him?” JJ asks, raising an eyebrow with eager expectancy as they all settle back into their seats by the fire, a warm and unbelievably happy feeling settling in Spencer’s stomach.

He blushes, digging out his phone from his pocket and unlocking it. “More than a few, I think.”

He finds the most recent picture of his boyfriend — a candid shot of him cooking in the kitchen, spatula aloft, and a huge grin on his face — and hands the phone around.

“Oh wow, you like them buff, huh, pretty boy?” Derek teases as soon as he gets his hands on it, and Spencer’s stomach twists in a sudden bout of fear, expecting to see some hesitancy or even disgust on his friend’s face. What if he thinks that Spencer has a crush on him? What if he’s uncomfortable around him now?

But if Derek’s having any of those thoughts, they don’t show on his face. He’s smiling widely and openly, all the pent-up anxiety and frustration borne from hurt gone from his body language, and he looks completely comfortable sat next to Spencer, his arm stretched out behind him on the back of the sofa.

They sit happily around the fire for a couple of hours, settling into a happy, intimate familiarity Spencer hadn’t realised was missing when he was hiding something so integral to his being from his family, and he’s still smiling when they finally part ways to head to bed, the clock ticking closer and closer to 1 am.

He gets ready for bed quickly, brushing his teeth and throwing on the top he’d stolen from Oscar the first time he’d stayed at his place; a welcome change from his worn and wrinkled suit. As soon as his teeth are brushed and the lights are all off except for his bedside lamp, he pulls out his phone, knowing there’s one more thing he has to do before he goes to sleep.

“Spencer?” Penelope’s voice sounds down the line, clearly concerned. “It’s almost 2 am here, are you okay?”

“I’m gay,” he says, getting straight to the point. The main reason he ever kept it from her was because of his fear of it accidentally getting out to the team rather than fear over her reaction. After all, multiple of his drag queen friends are also hers.

“Oh my God,” she says in that small voice she uses when she’s not actually talking to you, before finally actually replying to me. “Spencer, I’m so happy you told me!”

He doesn’t miss her choice of words, or the way she says them and he tilts his head suspiciously. “You already knew, didn’t you?”

She sighs. “Yeah. I’m sorry, a couple of months ago I saw a text from Oscar on your phone when you went to the bathroom during one of our Doctor Who marathons, and it wasn’t hard to figure out the relationship.”

“And… wait, you’re not mad at me for not telling you sooner?”

“Spencer! Of course not. I was waiting for you to be comfortable enough to share it with me. I felt awful that I knew without your consent but I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to catch you off guard or make you feel uncomfortable. It’s fine that you waited, baby genius, I’m just so happy you told me now. What finally gave you the courage?”

“Well, it might have slipped out in front of the team this evening,” he admits sheepishly, “and the only reason I never told you was because I was scared that it would slip out somehow — accidentally, of course, I didn’t think you’d tell anyone on purpose — and now everyone knows. It’s been killing me not to tell you, Penelope, it really has because I love you so much and you’re my best friend and I trust you with my life, it’s just…”

“Whoa, slow down, Spence,” she laughs fondly, “you don’t have to explain yourself to me, I understand. But I’m glad you finally told everyone and you can be yourself completely with us, now. We all love you no matter what, you know that right?”

“I do now.”

“Good. You should get some sleep, baby boy, it’s late and you’ve had an emotional evening.”

Spencer smiles. “Yeah, I know. You should, too, Pen. I’ll see you when we can finally make it home, okay? Love you.”

“Love you, too, 187,” she says softly, and Spencer can hear the smile in her voice. “Goodnight.”

As soon as he hangs up, he settles down into the bed, turning off the light and pulling the duvet up over his shoulders before dialling one more number.

“Hey, baby,” Oscar says, voice as gentle and caring as it always is, although thicker with tiredness now. “I take it everything went okay?”

“Yeah,” Spencer murmurs, already feeling tired as the safety he always feels at the sound of Oscar’s voice settles into the fibres of his being. “It went so well. I can’t wait for you to meet everyone.”

“I can’t wait either, sweetheart. Are you in bed now?”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Can you talk to me as I fall asleep?”

“Anything for you, Spence,” he says softly, before transitioning seamlessly into a story about the professors on campus, and his gentle comfort and the knowledge of the unconditional love his family has for him finally lulls Spencer into the best sleep he’s had in weeks.

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duuhrayliegh · 4 years ago

Text

male chivalry

warnings: okay so there is a trigger warning of sexual harassment and attempted sexual assault, language, men being gross, protective!bucky, angst a bit, i think that’s it, if you see anything else let me know

word count: 3230 :)

a/n: idk why it took me so long to finish this, but it’s here now!!! also this is based off this post from @teaboot (just the op bc the rest of it pissed me off :)) i hope y’all like it. i hope it’s what y’all expected idk, i’m proud of it.

i really hope i did the topics justice, if you don’t think i did, please shoot me a message and help me figure out how to do better. <3

p.s.: my requests and tag lists are open! also this is not beta read, so all mistakes are my own.

xoxo ray

ray’s m.list

************************************

It had been about three weeks since Bucky had first met the group of four at the protest. Bucky made sure to check in with Steve and let him know what he was doing. Steve was always worrying about Bucky, which was totally understandable because of everything they had been through.

Bucky’s day was a relaxed one with little to no time to dawdle. Over these three weeks, he had learned more from an eighteen year old than he ever thought he would. It was easier to open up to her, for some reason. Bucky hadn’t fully figured that out yet either, but he wasn’t going to question it.

Bucky had been going to his court mandated therapy with Dr. Raynor, to say they were making progress would be a lie. Honestly, Bucky was making more progress with the new individuals in his life. They knew what he did as the Winter Soldier-- no they know what the Winter Soldier did, Cassie made sure the distinction between the two was crystal clear. Bucky was still a bit cautious around them, not wanting to hurt them or be a burden to them.

It amazed Bucky how open they were with each other. Back in the 40’s, you didn’t express your feelings. Especially if you were a man, for fear of being labeled something unsavory. Even stranger still to Bucky was the encouragement and support that everyone gave to those in hard times. It warmed Bucky’s heart to see Penny comforting Freddie after his recent break up.

“Freddie and Ted had been together a little over six months,” Cassie explained to Bucky one night after the group had dispersed from the dining table. Bucky and Cassie were standing over the sink washing the dinner plates and cutlery. “Freddie was so in love with him. I thought Ted felt the same, but I guess that’s just how it goes, right?”

Bucky shrugged, this was one of his first experiences with modern romance. Dating in the 40’s was very rigid, which was to be expected, but nowadays everything is very fluid. It truly fascinated Bucky.

“I honestly don’t know.” Bucky shrugged as he dried the pristine plates. Just as he began to get lost in thought, Evie pulled him into a subject that he hadn’t thought of in a real long time.

“What was it like with women in the forties, Buck?” Bucky blinked at her and considered his answer carefully. The group had been teaching him how to handle some subjects sensitively.

“To be honest? The last date that I went on was to the World Expo of Tomorrow in 1943, the night before I shipped out to England.” He turned, leaning his weight on the counter behind him and crossing his arms over his chest. “I went with Steve, this was before he was Captain America, so when he was a little ol’ gangly thing. I had hooked us up with two women, one for me and one for Stevie, their names were Dot and Connie, I think.”

“No, no, that’s not what I mean, Buck. What was it like with women?”

Bucky tilted his head in question.“What do you mean?”

“What was it like with them? Like, how were they treated as a whole?”

“Oh, uh I think they were treated well? My Ma always told Steve and I to treat women with respect, so we did.”

“Right, but what about everyone else? How did they treat women?” Bucky was confused by the question and he began to think that he was giving the wrong answers.

“Um, I guess I don’t know. I guess they were treated how they are today?” Both of the girls in front of him released disdained scoffs.

“Well, that’s unfortunate, right Cas?” Cassie nodded at Evie and dropped her head in disappointment.

“Why do you say that?” Bucky asked. He was genuinely curious about what the girls were referring to. “I mean, I get that the treatment of women hasn’t always been good but it’s not that bad right?” The girls shared a knowing look, and then Evie sighed. She hauled herself out of her chair and nodded to Bucky.

“Alright, let’s go take a walk, just you and me.”

“Where are we going?”

“Oh, just a couple blocks away to the Walgreens. Sound okay?” Bucky agreed, grabbing his jacket and waiting for Evie by the doorway. “We’ll be back soon, Cas.”

“Uh, are you sure that’s a good idea, Evelyn?” Bucky had only ever heard Cassie use Evie’s full name when she was getting in trouble.

“Yeah, we’ll be fine, Cas, I swear.” Evie glanced at Bucky, “Besides, I’ve got a Sargent escorting me, so we’ve got nothing to worry about.” She threw a smile to her older sister whose face was just a veil of worry and doubt.

Bucky and Evie exited the apartment building and neither of them had said anything since. Bucky was wondering what this whole exercise was all about, but he wasn’t going to say anything until Evie did. The pair walked up onto a crosswalk, causing them to stop and wait so Evie was able to turn the man beside her.

“So, before we go any further, I just want to set the scene for you.” She took a calming breath and it was now that Bucky realized that this was the first time that she was noticeably scared. His brows furrowed and he nodded as she continued. “It’s ten o’clock on a Wednesday night and you’re in Brooklyn, walking to your local Walgreens because you need tampons.” Bucky huffed out a small laugh as Evie playfully glared at the man.

“Yeah, yeah. The female menstrual cycle is hilarious as is the pink tax that is put on feminine hygiene products. Laugh it up, James.” She shook her head and pulled Bucky closer to the front of a building. “I’m trying to tell you something, ya asshole. So, you see that it’s dark outside because it’s late but you decide to risk it anyway because you have a flight to catch at four the next morning. You leave your apartment and you are greeted with this.” She gestured to the expanse in front of her.

“Alright, let’s go. And just a word of wisdom real quick before we really get going. Women are considered fragile but I’ve never seen anything as easily wounded as a man’s ego.”

“Wow, that’s quite a pearl.” Bucky caught up to Evie as she made her way down the street.

“So being a woman and even more so, being a woman at night, means that you have to constantly be on guard.” As they were walking, a man in a greasy white tank top passed them. The man’s head turned and he scanned Evie’s body.

“Goddamn, that’s a sweet little body there, baby girl.” Bucky’s head snapped around to the man, but Evie kept walking. Bucky looked over to Evie with concern riddling his features.

“Hey, sweetcheeks! Let me talk to you for a while!” The greasy man was now following Evie and Bucky. “I bet I can show you a better time than he can, baby girl. Come on, let me talk to you.” He reached his hand out, gripping Evie’s arm and pulling her to face him.

“Please don’t touch me.” “Get your fucking hands off her, you dick.” The man took a step backwards away from the pair.

“Well, fine you bitch! I didn’t want you anyway, fucking fat ass.”

“Hey, you don’t just get to fucking walk away, you jackass! Apologize to her.”

“Why should I apologize to her? I was giving her a compliment.” Bucky’s eyes widened to the size of saucers. Did this guy just fucking--

“Okay, buddy.” Bucky went to approach the man to settle their disagreement when Evie stopped him.

“James, leave it. Let’s go.” She kept walking and Bucky didn’t want to leave her alone, not after that whole debacle.

“What the fuck was that Evie?” He questioned quickly, she shook her head in response but never verbally responded to him. A few paces later, the pair was about to pass a group of men leaned up against the brick wall behind them. Brown paper bags crunched around bottles were grasped in their hands. Drunken laughter was ringing out through the near empty streets.

“Hey baby! Why don’t you come on over here so we can talk to ya!” One of the men began to step in front of Evie effectively stopping her movement. The eighteen year old took a few steps backwards, coincidentally into Bucky’s chest. His arms came up to meet hers, about to move in front of her in a protective stance.

“Woah, you got a bodyguard baby?” The man tilted his head and stared at Evie. “You know you don’t need him sweetheart.”

“Damn, baby girl. You’re fine as hell.” Another man walked to stand next to the first. “What do I gotta do to get you in my bed?”

“Please leave us alone.”

“No, baby girl I don’t think that’s what’s going to happen.” Bucky stepped in front of Evie protectively.

“I think she told you to leave us alone.” The two men in front of Bucky didn’t waver. Two raised brows and a fit of laughter later, they still maintained their ground.

“Why? You guys going somewhere to fuck? Already got a piece of that ass and don’t want to share it big man?”

“That’s just cold. You gotta share sometime. And it’s just easier to do it now rather than later.” Evie trembled behind Bucky and leaned up so only Bucky could hear her.

“Come on Bucky, let’s just go back to the apartment.” She tugged on his right arm, fingers digging into his soft flesh. Bucky was sure that he would have crescent shaped indentations where her nails laid in because of how much she was gripping him.

Bucky’s eyes flicked up and down the two men in front of him, assessing how much of a threat they were. They were clearly enough of a threat to frighten Evie to the point of wanting to go home. Bucky gave Evie a stiff nod, not taking his eyes off of the men.

“Hey, where do you think you’re going baby? We’re just getting started!” One of them yelled at the pair as he reached out to grab Evie’s forearm. A split second later, Bucky’s left hand balled into a fist and he launched it at the man’s face. A loud crack resounded and a groan left the man’s mouth as he hit the ground. A look of shock fell across the other’s faces as they saw Bucky standing over their fallen comrade. The group took several steps away from the pair, holding their hands up in surrender.

“Don’t you ever touch a woman without her permission, you fucking prick.” Bucky then turned quickly, grabbing Evie’s wrist tightly and hauling her away from the men. Several paces later, Bucky still held a tight grip on the girl's arm.

“Bucky, you’re kind of hurting me.” Evie’s voice broke through Bucky’s barriers. He let up on how fast he was walking and then dropped Evie’s arm.

Worried eyes scanned her body for any bruising, “I’m so sorry, doll. Are you okay?” Evie laughed as she was rubbing her sore wrists.

“Bucky, that’s normal for any woman. Ever.” Shaking her head, she began walking back towards the apartment. “We could’ve kept on going to Walgreens, but I wasn’t sure your fragile heart could take it.” Bucky drew in his brows and a deep frown etched itself into his features.

“What the hell do you mean that’s normal, Evelyn?” He thrust his arm behind them, gesturing to what they just went through. “Nothing about that was normal.” Still shaking her head, the eighteen year old shrugged her shoulders.

“It’s normal for women.” She glanced at Bucky as she continued on her way. “Also, I know that you were probably just defending my honor or protecting me or whatever, but I want you to really think back, Buck. Think about when you were picking up women in the forties, did you ever push when they didn’t want to have that drink with you? Did you continuously ask for them to dance with you?”

“No, I told you. My Ma raised me the right way.” They walked up to the apartment building and Bucky reached for the door handle. Evie began making her up the stairs, Bucky not far behind her. She stopped suddenly, a few flights before Cassie’s apartment.

“What about your friends?” Bucky was taken aback. His memories were still a bit fuzzy about those times, but he could remember clearly enough. Although he wasn’t quite sure what she meant by the questions she was asking.

“What are you getting at Evie?” He huffed while opening the door to Cassie’s apartment. Freddie and Penny were lounged on the couch with an almost empty bottle of wine. Cassie’s head shot up at the sound of the two walking in the doorway. Evie dumped her things off on the granite countertop and turned on her heel to stare at Bucky.

“Did you ever stop your friends when women said no?” The quiet laughter between Penny and Freddie stopped suddenly as Evie’s question hung in the air. All eyes were on Bucky as he gulped and thought back to the times at the bars. Out with Steve and the other Howling Commandos, did they ever do that? He tried to think of a time when they pushed for what they wanted to happen. Of a time when the woman they were pursuing reluctantly gave in because they wouldn’t leave her alone. Evie didn’t wait for an answer, she could see that he was processing everything.

“So why did you stop those guys back there?” Her brows raised and her head tilted in question. Bucky took a deep breath and was about to answer when Evie cut him off. “By punching that guy out there, you’re a hero and we should all thank you and congratulate you for doing the right thing.” She stepped closer to Bucky and the three in the living room understood where Evie was going.

“What do you think would have been said if I would’ve punched him? Sure, you would’ve said something snappy and nice about how I can take care of myself. The general public though? They would say that I overreacted.”

“Easy Evie, he’s still learning.” Cassie said quietly. Bucky was thankful for that, he still did have a lot to learn but it felt like Evie was attacking him. That’s the point, you fucking dumbass. If you had been berating her for putting herself in danger by punching that guy, you would think she was reckless.

“Her point, Bucky, is that the double standard for men and women goes beyond what we expect. Everyone goes crazy for the knight saving the damsel, but everyone hates the damsel for saving herself.” Freddie explained from the comfort of the couch. Bucky nodded, starting to understand the concept. “And her questions about your old buddies. That has to do with the fact that you’re part of the problem.”

“What problem is that?” Bucky was honestly scared to know the answer but he knew to fully learn, he had to get all the facts, both good and bad.

“Stunting the growth of feminism. Being one of the people perpetuating the fact that it’s okay for men to be violent, but not for women.”

“Violence in the form of defending oneself in any capacity.” In Bucky’s line of work, he sees tons of capable and strong women. Natasha, Okoye, Shuri, Sharon, he could think of so many. Then he tried to think of when any of them got the limelight like Steve or himself.

“So it’s like anytime that there would be press releases for the team, and the interviewers would come and ask us questions,” he paused to think how to word what he wanted to say, “they always ask the guys about like super important things like how we’re keeping the city safe and stuff. But when they talk to the girls, they ask about their workout schedule and if they can wear underwear under their suits?”

“Yes, it’s exactly like that Bucky. That’s just a different form of it.” Evie replied quickly. She came up to hug Bucky. “I didn’t mean to attack you or anything, but this is something that we all feel is really important for you to grasp now that you’re back out there.”

“And now that you can recognize when it’s happening, the next important step is to stop it before it happens.” Penny yelled from the living room as she downed the last of the bottle in her hand.

“I’m so sorry, Evie. I didn’t know.”

“I know, I’m sorry too. You’re still figuring stuff out, but I needed you to see what it was really like for women.”

“Okay.” Bucky nodded. “How can I help this situation?” The group exchanged proud looks.

“Well, educate everyone around you. Don’t let it happen when you’re around.” Cassie said as she walked into the kitchen to crack open another bottle of wine. “And just support women. Push our problems into the public’s eye.” Bucky smiled, he could handle that, he was good at that.

Considering he was on his way to becoming a member of the Avengers, he would be able to influence from up high. He could openly support groups that were run by women, for women. He was used to standing in the background for things he didn’t believe in, so standing for something that he did was going to be a cakewalk.

A concern floated into the forefront of Bucky’s mind. He looked down at Evie, who had just recently released him from her death grip of a hug. “You know how to defend yourself right?”

Evie’s brows raised in a challenging manner, “Do I look like I don’t know how to defend myself?” The man shook his head and smiled as the surrounding group laughed. Cassie poured a glass of wine and cracked open a bottle of beer for Bucky.

They all made their way to the comfy couches to snuggle in for a movie night, satisfied with their teachings for the night.

“What are we watching tonight?”

“Well, in the spirit of feminism, we are going to watch Legally Blonde.” Penny commented as she picked up the remote. “And it’s Freddie’s favorite so yeah.”

The lights clicked off as the opening credits ran for the movie. Bucky looked around his group of friends as they giggled at the screen. Evie had her head in Cassie’s lap and she was stretched across the sofa with her feet tucked under Bucky’s thigh. Freddie and Penny were curled up in the loveseat across from where Bucky was. Pieces of popcorn and glasses of red wine were being passed from person to person, with the exception of Evie who was still underage. The energy surrounding the five of them was something Bucky hadn’t experienced in a long time and he wasn’t going to give it up anytime soon either.

A large grin overtook his face, although today was one of the harder lessons for him to learn, he wouldn’t want anyone else to be teaching him.

***********************

@mishaandthebrits

#twenty first century liabilities #bucky x oc #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #james buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes fanfic #james buchanan barnes fanfiction #sebastian stan #bucky fanfic #bucky fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader

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