#I made a cardigan in a week. I’ve been working on the same blanket for six months.

[beatrice-babe]

for anyone curious what I’ve been up to: in the post-holiday weeks, I have marathoned The Hobbit trilogy at least four times, starting on on my fifth. “Oh,” you may ask, “I hadn’t realized you liked it. are you enjoying the rewatch? Is it fun?”

My friends. My foes. I am using it as glorified background noise while I crochet like a FIEND because I own so much yarn. Genuinely, acquire yarn, crochet hook, stitch markers (for the sake of yourself, if you’re getting into yarn crafts, buy stitch markers, you do not know how good life can be until you have them), and like. I can make anything. The world (Ravelry) is my oyster.

So yeah, I’ve been expediting my carpal tunnel diagnosis, listing to The Hobbit trilogy, and fully checking the fuck out for like six hours straight. It’s a good time.

[maybeimamuppet]

picking teams- chapter 9: janis

helllooooo and happy halloween!! welcome to FINALLY CADNIS YAY and a little halloween “date” :) 

tw for

depression kinda

discussion of child abuse 

discussion of homophobia 

discussion of outing 

discussion of death 

discussion of divorce 

alrighty enough discussing but as always if i’ve missed anything please let me know so i can add it to the list :) 

enjoy!

—————

Janis sighs as she raps on the Herons’ front door, shifting her heavy backpack to the other shoulder and folding her jacket over her stomach to keep out the chill. 

Cady pulls the door open, seeming almost surprised to see her there. “Shit, hey. Did we have a session today?”

“Yeah,” Janis says. “You okay?” 

Cady looks like hell. She’s in sweatpants and a ratty old t-shirt that probably belonged to one of her parents at some point, along with the never-matching socks she always has on. Her hair is clearly unbrushed and hasn’t been washed in a while, tied in a careless knot on top of her head. And, on top of it all, she looks exhausted. Like she hasn’t left her bed in the week since homecoming but somehow hasn’t slept at all at the same time. 

“Not really,” Cady admits shyly. “Come in, we should get to work.” 

Janis steps inside, politely removing her boots before following Cady up the stairs to her bedroom like normal. 

“Sorry about the mess,” Cady says sheepishly. “I forgot you were coming or I would’ve cleaned up.” 

Janis has to hold back a gasp when she steps in. She’s seen worse, and god knows her own room has been messier. But for Cady, this is terrible. There’s tissues all over the ground, her bed is rumpled and unmade, and there’s a half-eaten pint of ice cream resting on her nightstand with a spoon still sticking out of it, dripping melty goodness all over the wooden surface. 

“My desk might be the best place,” Cady continues shyly. Janis shakes her head. 

“No way. We’re not doing this today,” she says.

“We’re not?”

“Absolutely not,” Janis says. “Go take a shower and get dressed.”

“What?” Cady asks, a shocked laugh bubbling out of her. Janis snatches the robe and towel off the hook hanging in her closet and shoves them at her. Cady takes them wordlessly and pads off to the bathroom. 

Janis tends to the room in the meantime. She picks up the ice cream (vanilla, which Cady went on a very long rant about a few sessions ago. Janis will never call it a boring flavor ever again) and takes it down to the kitchen, putting it back in the freezer and the spoon in the sink. 

She wipes up the ring of vanilla residue on the nightstand just so it won’t damage the wood, and lazily folds Cady’s blanket back so that the bed is almost made. Janis would ordinarily do more, the way her gut is practically screaming at her to do, but she knows how embarrassing it can feel to have someone clean up after you, especially after a rough patch. Hopefully Cady will be feeling well enough after today to do it herself. 

Janis shoves some tissues aside and flops down onto Cady’s bed, staring at the ceiling. Cady’s room is cute, but the Plastic side of her is ever encroaching like some kind of virus, infecting every aspect of her life. Her sheets are pink now, and there’s a lot more selfies of Cady and the Plastics on her bulletin board than there used to be. 

Cady comes back in after a while, clean and detangled curls wrapped up in the towel and her cheeks and ears flushed pink from the warmth. Janis feels her heart seize a bit, seeing her crush so… domestic. 

“What am I getting dressed for, mystery chick?” Cady asks as she roots through her dresser for some clean undergarments and socks. 

“Just dress warm and wear good shoes,” Janis replies. She grabs her backpack back off the ground and leaves Cady to change with some privacy, shutting the door with a wink. 

Cady comes downstairs about five minutes later, clad in a North Shore High Cheer t-shirt covered with a cozy cardigan, some jeans, and her usual white converse. She’s clipping the top half of her hair back out of her face when she meets Janis at the bottom of the stairs. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Janis echoes. “Let’s go.”

“Go whereeeee?” Cady whines, grabbing her keys and phone.

“It’s a surprise. You’ll find out,” Janis smirks. Cady locks her front door behind them and trudges along with her back to Janis’ house. 

“Why did I need to wear good shoes to your house?” Cady asks in confusion. 

“This is just the first stop, Caddy,” Janis chuckles. “You’re about to meet the reason I never let you come over.” 

“What?” 

Janis unlocks and opens the front door, barely taking a step inside and hollering, “TV!” 

“What?!” Stevie yells back. 

“Come here!” 

Cady looks at her in confusion, until Stevie comes partway down the stairs to see what she wants. Cady lets out a quiet, “Aww!” 

“Caddy, this is my sister, Stevie. Stevie, this is Caddy,” Janis says. 

Stevie comes the rest of the way down the stairs, offering a hand for Cady to shake. “Stevie Ramona Sarkisian. Pleasure.” 

Cady giggles a bit and takes the offered hand, giving it a gentle shake. “Cadence Jane Heron. Nice to meet you, too.” 

“What are your intentions with my sister?” 

“Stevie!” Janis yelps, thwacking the back of her head. 

“Ow! I’m just checking!” Stevie huffs, massaging her sore head. 

“You’re weird,” Janis sighs. “C’mere.” 

Stevie raises an eyebrow, but heads over to her big sister. Janis bends down to whisper something in her ear, and her eyes light up. “Yeah, yeah!” 

“Go get dressed, then,” Janis says, shoving her sister back towards the stairs. Stevie barrels up to her room to change out of her taco pajamas. “Sorry about that. She’s an oddball.” 

“It’s fine,” Cady grins. “She’s cute.” 

“Don’t let her hear you say that,” Janis smirks, leaning against the wall to wait. Cady joins her. “I don’t think you’d live to see another day.” 

Janis can tell from the look in Cady’s eye that she doesn’t totally doubt that. But, Cady smiles before she asks, “How old is she?” 

“She’s nine. Her birthday was in August,” Janis replies. “She’s kinda like you. Freaky genius for her age.” 

“Hey now,” Cady giggles. “This freaky genius is helping you pass math.” 

“Never said I wasn’t grateful,” Janis smirks in reply. “TV, hurry up!” 

“Why do you call her TV?” 

“When she was a baby she didn’t know how to say S’s. So she called herself TV instead of Stevie. And she’s always been a little ham, so it fit,” Janis says. 

“That’s really cute,” Cady says. There’s something almost… melancholy, in her eyes, but Janis gets a feeling now isn’t the time to ask about it. 

Stevie comes running back down the stairs before she gets a chance to, anyway, stumbling over her shoes at the end and almost falling. 

She makes her way over to them, but Cady’s eyes are immediately on the cat that followed her downstairs. “Oh my god!” she squeals in a pitch so high Janis can barely hear her. “Who is thiiiiiis?” 

Janis laughs as Cady chases the cat down the hall and lies on the ground, reaching a hand out for her to sniff. Surprisingly, the cat accepts the offer and lets Cady pick her up for scritches and love. 

“That’s Re-uh.” Janis stutters. “Reba.”

“No it’s not,” Stevie snorts. “Her name is Refried Beans.” 

Cady looks up at Janis in shock before she bursts into hysterical laughter. “Refried Beans?” 

“Don’t you diss the beans,” Janis huffs, blushing and looking away. 

“I would never. Hello Beans,” Cady says. Janis and her sister both gape at her. “What?”

“She hates people,” Stevie says, almost in awe. “She won’t let any of us pick her up.”

“Really?” Cady asks, looking at the cat curled up in her arms, head resting on her shoulder and purring contently in her ear. “Hm.” 

“Can we go now?” Stevie begs, wrapping her arms around her big sister and blinking up at her. 

“Yeah. Cads, you ready?” 

“Mmhmm,” Cady hums. “Bye Refried Beans. Go easy on your family, they’re good people.” 

Stevie and Janis both blink at her again as Beans lets Cady gently rest her back on the ground. Cady brushes some stray fur off her sweater before following after them. 

“Where are we going?” she asks as Janis leads them to her dad’s car. 

“It’s a surprise!” Stevie squeals eagerly. She climbs into her spot in the back while Cady gets shotgun. “But it’s the best, you’re gonna love it.”

“If you say so, Stevie,” Cady chuckles. Stevie nods eagerly. “Then I suppose I can live with a surprise.” 

“Good,” Janis says, turning the engine over. “Buckle up.” 

—-

Janis watches Cady as much as she can while she drives, looking back and forth between her and the road. Cady looks wistfully out the window for most of the drive, and chats with an eager Stevie. Janis smiles a bit seeing her crush and her baby sister getting along so well. 

When they get closer, Janis realizes she might not be able to keep this a surprise for much longer. So, she locks eyes with Stevie in the backseat, and nods towards Cady while she isn’t looking. Stevie nods eagerly, excited at the idea of helping with the surprise, and scoots into the seat directly behind Cady. As soon as she’s buckled again, she leans forward to cover Cady’s eyes.

“Wh- hey!” Cady yelps as her world suddenly goes dark. 

“We gotta keep it a surprise,” Janis explains. 

“Fine,” Cady grumbles, pouting adorably. “But if this turns out to be some sister… murdering duo, I’m gonna be very upset.” 

“Maybe we should start doing that, Janny,” Stevie says. 

“Nah, you’re not strong enough to kill people yet,” Janis says. “Maybe when you’re ten.”

“I could poison people!” Stevie says, aghast. 

“You guys talking about this so casually is really not making me any more comfortable,” Cady grumbles. 

“Well, we’re here, so you’ll be able to run in a second,” Janis says, pulling into a spot in the field that’s been transformed into a parking lot.  “Promise to keep your eyes closed for a sec?”

“Sure,” Cady agrees with a giggle. True to her word, she keeps her eyes tightly closed while Janis and Stevie climb out. 

Janis opens her door for her and gently grabs her hands to help guide her out of the car. Stevie bounces eagerly behind them, the child in her making a quite rare appearance. Janis smiles at her sister and nods, so Stevie calls, “Open your eyes!” 

Cady does, looking around to see where Janis has dragged her. “Aww! A pumpkin patch?” 

“Yeah. Our, er… never mind. But we come here every year,” Janis says sheepishly. “You wanna go in?” 

Stevie leaves no room for debate, grabbing Cady and Janis’ hands and running towards the gate. “Come on!” 

“Jesus, Steve!” Janis yelps. “Slow down!” 

Stevie doesn’t slow down until they’re at the gates. 

“Oh, I didn’t bring any money, I’m sor-” Cady begins. Janis shrugs. 

“It’s free entry. Anything else we can just consider payment for all the tutoring sessions,” she says. “Alright, Steve, rules?”

“Don’t get kidnapped, scream if I do get kidnapped, and come find you if I want to buy anything,” Stevie recites immediately. Janis nods, so Stevie goes running off to play on her own. 

“What do you want to do?” Janis asks, turning to Cady. “They have… everything.” 

Cady looks around for a moment, looking at all the signs directing them to various activities. “Petting zoo?” 

“Sold,” Janis says, gently taking Cady’s hand and leading them that way. “Nobody from school ever comes here, by the way,” she says as they walk. “Too far away. So you don’t have to worry about being seen with me or anything.”

“I don’t-” Cady begins. Janis raises a knowing eyebrow. “It’s not you. Things would just be so much worse for the both of us if anyone saw us acting like friends.” 

“Acting?” 

“No, I’m not-” Cady sighs. “I’m really fucking this up, aren’t I?” 

“No, I’m messing with you,” Janis chuckles. “I get why we have to act like we don’t know each other. I just wanted you to know you don’t have to out here.” 

“Thanks,” Cady says gratefully. “And thanks for bringing me here.” 

“No problem,” Janis grins, gently bumping their shoulders together. “What animal first?” 

“Sheep!” Cady squeals as soon as she sees one, running off in that direction and answering Janis’ question in quite possibly the most adorable fashion she possibly could’ve. 

Janis runs after her and finds her pressed against the fence to the sheep and goat pen. She’s bending so far over it to try to pet them that Janis is worried she’ll fall in. She looks to a machine nearby and sees that it’s only fifty cents for a whole handful of food, which will probably help Cady’s odds of not landing in sheep shit. 

“Cads,” she calls when she has the feed pellets in her hands. Cady straightens and turns around to see her with a pitiful pout on her face. 

“Why aren’t they coming over?” 

“Because you need some of this,” Janis chuckles. She gently gives Cady about half of the food and shows her how to offer it to them. 

“Oh,” Cady says when she’s suddenly swarmed by the sheep and goats. “You guys know what’s up, huh? I thought I was losing my touch.” 

“Your touch?” 

“Yeah,” Cady chuckles. “I dunno why I said that, it’s dumb.” 

“You could never be dumb,” Janis says quietly. Cady looks at her for a moment.

“I used to think I could talk to animals,” she begins. “When I was really little. I thought I could understand them. They could understand me. I know it’s not true, now, but I always kinda… had a way with them. Gazelles used to follow me, an elephant brought me her sick baby once. One of the lions trusted me enough to let me play with her cubs. I dunno why, but I’ve always just kinda had a gift with animals.” 

“No wonder Beanie liked you, then,” Janis says. “Does it still work in America?” 

“Usually,” Cady chuckles. “Every once in a while I see a deer out my window and stuff, I think they follow me around too. I guess these guys are just too used to food for my magic to work.” 

“Probably,” Janis agrees with a laugh. “You’re kinda like a Disney princess, then.”

“A princess?” 

“Please tell me you’ve seen Disney movies,” Janis begs. 

“What’s Disney?” Cady asks, tilting her head. Janis almost collapses. 

“We have to have a movie night,” she insists. “You can’t not know Disney movies. I have to show them to you.” 

“I’d really like that,” Cady agrees softly. “Oh, wait, is Disney the one with the… uh… the… Scottish one with the bears?” 

“Merida?” Janis chuckles. “I think she’s technically Pixar, but she counts. She’s in Brave.” 

“Damian always calls me Merida,” Cady says. “At practice. Because of my hair, I think.” 

“Makes sense,” Janis chuckles, looking at Cady’s fluffy red curls. “And I guess you have to be pretty brave to let Damian chuck you in the air a bunch.” 

“No, he’s great,” Cady says immediately. “He’s so nice. Every time I get nervous he talks me through what we’re doing and tells me how to make it easier on both of us and stuff. And he’s never dropped me, even though I’m friends with your mortal enemies. So I trust him.”

“That does sound like Damian,” Janis chuckles. “He’s a good guy.” 

“He’s in good company,” Cady replies quietly, gently nudging her with an elbow. Janis feels her cheeks grow warm and looks down at the sheep eating from her hand. Cady gently pats its wooly head. “Can we go see the bunnies?”

“Yeah,” Janis says, the word barely squeaking out of her mouth before she coughs to clear her throat. “Yeah.” 

She follows Cady to the rabbit enclosure and climbs over the fence after her. Janis gets to see firsthand what Cady was talking about earlier as a rabbit hops over and settles in Cady’s lap. 

“Hello,” she coos, gently stroking down the rabbit’s back. “What’s your name? You look like a… Frisbee.” 

“Frisbee?!” Janis laughs. 

“Yeah,” Cady says decisively. “Why not?”

“Caddy, do you know what a frisbee is?” 

“No,” Cady says. “Oh god, is it a bad thing?” She looks down at the bunny on her lap. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s nothing like that, but… frisbees are made to be… thrown,” Janis says, trying to hold back her laughter. “It’s, like, a disc thingy so it goes a really long way if you throw it. People use them as dog toys and stuff.” 

“No!” Cady gasps in horror, protectively holding the bunny closer. 

“I’m sorry to be the one to tell you,” Janis chuckles. “It is a cute name, though.” 

“It suits her,” Cady says. “But no throwing.” 

“Of course not,” Janis says, gently scooping up her own bunny and resting it on her lap. “They’re so soft.” 

“I wonder what conditioner they use,” Cady mumbles absently. Janis bursts out laughing, accidentally startling her bunny away. 

“Carrot juice?” 

“Could be,” Cady hums. “Would that work?” 

“I dunno,” Janis shrugs with a chuckle. “Probably not. I think having fur instead of hair definitely helps them.”

“Probably,” Cady agrees. “Do you want to see any animals?” 

“They have baby ones inside,” Janis offers. “If you want.” 

“Yes please,” Cady says immediately. “Bye Frisbee. Have a good day.” 

Janis grins as Cady gently pets her bunny a few more times before carefully moving her off her lap and standing up. Janis helps her back out of the pen and towards the nearby tent, where the baby animals are held in their special pens. 

They’re allowed in these ones, so Cady clambers over the fence into the baby goat pen. Once again, one immediately comes trotting over to greet her. 

“Hi,” Cady says, offering a hand for it to smell before she gently pats its little head. “Oh my god, you’re so cute.” 

An employee walking by casually mentions that they’re allowed to hold the animals, so Cady immediately scoops the baby goat into her arms and stands. 

The goat stares at her for a moment, seeming confused by the fact it’s suddenly off the ground. When it puts the pieces together, it releases a truly remarkable bleat. 

Cady looks at Janis with wide eyes and her lips in a thin line before she bursts out laughing. “What was that?” 

“Had to let everyone know the great Cady Heron is holding him,” Janis laughs. 

“He’s a lot heavier than he looks,” Cady grunts. The goat bleats again. “Okay, okay, I’ll put you down. There you go.” 

“He is pretty cute,” Janis says. Cady nods. 

“You want to go do something else?” 

“If you want to,” Janis shrugs. “I’ve seen everything at one point or another. Today’s about you.”

“Well, I wanna do what you want to do,” Cady says, crossing her arms over her chest and pouting like a petulant toddler. Janis chuckles as she helps Cady back out of the goat pen and starts leading them back towards the main area. Suddenly, an idea hits her. 

“You ever been on a zipline?”

—-

“Are you sure this is safe?” Cady asks anxiously as she climbs onto her swing. Janis climbs onto the one next to her and prepares to slide down the long rope. 

“Not in the slightest,” Janis says, picking her feet up and going down. “Come on, Cads!” 

Cady warily copies her motion, setting her own swing down the zipline. She clings to the rope in the middle, but she does start laughing about halfway down. Janis climbs off her own when she reaches the bottom and waits for Cady to join her. 

“That was fun!” Cady chirps happily when Janis helps her down. 

“You wanna go again?” 

“Yeah,” Cady agrees immediately, heading to get back into the line. 

They make it about halfway up when Stevie comes running up to them. “Janny!” 

“What’s up, Steve?” Janis asks. 

“Can we get pumpkins?” Stevie asks eagerly. 

“Yeah, sure. Got your eye on one?” 

“Yeah! We gotta go now or someone else will take it, it’s perfect!” Stevie insists, grabbing her sister��s hand and trying to haul her towards the pumpkins. Janis holds her ground and looks at Cady. Cady laughs and starts walking off. 

“We can come back here, let’s go see the pumpkins,” she says, waiting for Janis to join them. 

“Yes!” Stevie squeals, running off again. “Janny, come on! You’re so slow!” 

“Watch your mouth, kid, I’m paying for this pumpkin,” Janis calls. “Go grab it, we’ll be there in a second.” 

Stevie runs the rest of the way back to the main building, with bins and bins of pumpkins in front of it. 

“What’s the point of the pumpkins?” Cady asks when they make it. 

“Halloween used to be, like, about the harvest or something,” Janis shrugs. “I don’t really know. It’s just a fall thing. But Stevie and I always carve some every year.”

“Carve them?” 

“Have you never- oh,” Janis realizes. “Do you want to try it? It’s fun. Here.” 

She Googles some photos of carved pumpkins and shows them to Cady so she can get an idea of what it’s about. 

“They’re cute,” Cady says, scrolling through the search results. “Can I really?” 

“Yeah, the pumpkins are pretty cheap,” Janis says. “Come on, let’s go pick some.” 

Cady smiles as Janis takes her hand and jogs her over to the pumpkins. She wanders off to look as Stevie waddles over with the one she wants held securely in her arms. 

“Did you check it?” Janis asks, grabbing a wheelbarrow so she doesn’t have to carry it all the way back to the car. “No smushy bits or bugs or anything?”

“Nope!” Stevie chirps happily. Janis nods and gestures to the wheelbarrow, so Stevie gently puts it inside. “Is Cady your girlfriend?”

“What? No!” Janis says immediately. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes! Of course I’m sure, we’re just friends,” Janis says. 

“But are you really sure?”

“Yes! Give it a rest,” Janis pleads. 

Stevie is quiet for a moment. “Do you want her to be your girlfriend?” 

“Yes,” Janis admits softly. “But she doesn’t like girls, so it’s not gonna happen. And you can’t tell her.” 

“She likes you.”

“Not like that,” Janis huffs. 

“Yes she does,” Stevie retaliates. “She was staring at you the whole time you were walking over here. And before when I came to find you. And-”

“Enough, Stevie, please,” Janis begs. “Just keep this to yourself, okay?”

“Fine,” Stevie pouts. “I think she’s lost.” 

Janis looks up to find Cady standing in amongst the bins of pumpkins, turning around and aimlessly looking between them. Janis suddenly remembers she didn’t tell her what she should be looking for. Whoops. 

“Need help?” she offers. Cady jumps and turns quickly, but she relaxes when she sees Janis. 

“They all look the same, I don’t… really know how to pick one,” she says, wringing her hands anxiously. 

“Yeah, it can be kind of overwhelming,” Janis chuckles. “It might help if you think of a design you’d want to carve first. Then you can pick a pumpkin with a good shape for whatever you want to do.” 

Cady thinks for a moment, twisting her lips from side to side as she mulls over possible designs. “Could I carve a lion?”

“Yeah, that would actually be pretty sick,” Janis nods. “So, a sorta… round and squatty one would probably be best for something like that. Not too tall and skinny.” 

Cady looks until she finds one matching that description and heads over to it. “Like this?”

“Yeah, that should work. Now you just have to make sure it’s a good one,” Janis says. “Like, make sure there’s no weird rotten bits or bugs living in it or too much dirt crusted on.”

“Eww,” Cady shudders. She grunts as she picks up the pumpkin to examine it and tumbles backwards onto her bum. “Whoa! It’s heavy.”

“They are heavier than they look,” Janis chuckles, offering a hand to help her up. Cady takes it to pull herself into a sit and turns the pumpkin all around. “Looks good.” 

Stevie approaches with the wheelbarrow, so Janis helpfully removes the pumpkin from Cady’s lap and deposits it in. Cady does a quick sort of backflip thing to stand, dusting the straw from her jeans. 

“Whoa! How did you do that?” Stevie asks in awe. 

“I’m a cheerleader. I’ve had lots of practice,” Cady grins. “You have to learn fun ways to get up so people can’t tell when you fall down.” 

“Wow,” Stevie says, suddenly seeming totally starstruck by their company. “Can you teach me?” 

“I can probably teach you some stuff, sure,” Cady nods. She laughs as Stevie grabs their hands and starts trying to haul them off towards the trampoline area. 

“Steve, we haven’t even bought the pumpkins yet,” Janis chuckles, snatching her sister beneath the shoulders so she can’t run. Stevie goes limp as she remembers this information. 

“Oh.” 

“Now you pick one!” Cady says, gently poking Janis’ arm. 

“Fine, fine,” Janis says. She’s had her eye on a design she’s wanted to try since last Halloween, so she looks around for a more oval shaped pumpkin. An expert assessment reveals it to be a quality one, so she carefully adds it to the wheelbarrow. She looks to her sister. “Can you manage to get this in that barn thing without running anyone, anything, or yourself over?” 

“Yes,” Stevie huffs. She takes the handles and starts pushing it in that direction. Cady and Janis start walking after her. 

“She’s run herself over?” Cady whispers to Janis.

“More than once,” Janis mutters back. 

“I can hear you!” Stevie yells. Cady giggles under her breath and looks at Janis. 

“She’s a lot like you,” she says. 

“I’m not sure that’s a good thing.”

“No, it is! You’re great,” Cady says. “I can tell you… she really looks up to you, is all.” 

“Thanks,” Janis says, feeling the burn of a blush on her cheeks. Cady smiles and continues walking into the barn to buy their pumpkins. 

“Tiny pumpkin,” Cady gasps. Janis follows her to the display of small pumpkins and decorative squashes for sale just outside the building. “It’s so cute!”

“So get it,” Janis says. 

“No, you already paid for… a lot of stuff today,” Cady says, carefully putting it back. Janis grabs it before she can put it down and hands it back to her. 

“And I’ll pay for more. You’ve never had pumpkins before. Little tiny ones are the best,” she shrugs. “It’s, like, a dollar, it’s not a big deal.” 

“Really?” Cady asks shyly. Janis nods and gestures for her to take it. Cady carefully cradles the tiny pumpkin in her hands and heads up to Stevie at the counter. 

The pumpkin patch is largely family run and has been for generations, and uses the honor system to price their pumpkins. Janis could easily just lie and get them cheaper, but she won’t. Never has and never will. 

Cady and Stevie both watch eagerly as Janis pays for their pumpkins. Janis puts the little one into her pocket while Cady helps Stevie reverse the wheelbarrow out of the shop so they can drop off the larger ones at the car. 

“God, this is heavy!” she groans as she gets it down the small step. “How did you manage getting that in there yourself?” 

“I dunno,” Stevie shrugs. 

“You’d probably be a better cheerleader than me,” Cady giggles. “Ow.” 

“Maybe leave it to the professional, then,” Janis chuckles. Cady nods and happily lets Stevie handle getting it to the car. Janis unlocks the trunk and takes the pumpkins Cady carefully passes to her. 

“Alrighty. Happy?” Janis asks, looking between Stevie and Cady. They both nod eagerly. “Good. Back to it, then.”

“Cady, come on, there’s a trampoline this way!” Stevie says immediately. Cady squeaks a bit as she grabs her hand and starts practically sprinting in that direction. 

“Steve, go easy on her! It’s her day off,” Janis chuckles. “You’re lucky she’s nice.” 

“No, she’s so sweet,” Cady says, panting a bit to catch her breath now that Stevie has slowed down to a reasonable speed. 

“Don’t say that. Goes to her ego,” Janis snorts. 

“Hey!” Stevie huffs. 

“You know it’s true,” Janis replies. “Go jump.” 

“Are you coming?” Cady asks, trying to walk backwards into the fenced in bouncing area. 

“Nah, you guys have fun. I gotta get pictures of something for my dad,” Janis says. Cady pouts the slightest bit, but eagerly kicks off her shoes and heads up onto the inflatable cushion thing. Trampoline is a bit of a stretch. It looks more like a giant pillow, or a balloon of some sort. 

Stevie immediately starts jumping up and down. She is nine, after all. Janis is just glad she’s getting some energy out. Cady clambers her way up onto the thing and takes a few tentative bounces. 

“Will you do some cheerleading tricks? Pleeeeease?” Stevie begs. Cady smiles as Stevie hugs her tightly around the waist. Maybe Janis should take advantage of her sister’s childish charm. Could come in handy someday. 

“What should I do?”

“I dunno! Something cool!” Stevie says eagerly, standing back and bouncing up and down. 

“Alright. Tell me if I’m about to run over a child, okay?” Cady grins. Stevie laughs and nods. Cady does a few basic stretches, rolling her shoulders and wrists out and jumping up and down a couple times. Janis guesses she needs a better feel for the bounce, or something. Not that she’s been staring at her every move, or anything. Of course not. 

Stevie’s jaw drops almost as soon as Cady begins. Janis’ quickly follows. She doesn’t know any of the technical terms for what Cady’s doing, but she recalls Damian describing Cady’s tumbling as being like one of those wind up toys, and thinks that’s a rather apt metaphor. 

“Whoa!” Stevie cheers as Cady comes to a stop at the other end of the long trampoline. “That was so cool!” 

“Thank you,” Cady giggles sweetly. 

“Can you teach me?!” 

“A couple things, probably,” Cady nods. “But nothing too crazy. I think your sister would kill me if I let you break your neck.” 

“Aw,” Stevie pouts. Cady grins and ruffles her dark hair. 

“It takes a long time! I’ve been practicing since I was really little, you can’t expect to do a perfect back handspring in one day. But you’ll catch up in no time.” 

“How long did it take you?” 

“Mmm… about four years, I think,” Cady says. “From the very very beginning. But I was also tumbling on mud. That makes it tricky.” 

“Oh. How do you start?” Stevie asks. 

Janis watches as Cady coaches her little sister through the very beginnings of tumbling. Stevie eagerly follows along. Janis smiles seeing her so excited. And she trusts Cady to keep her sister safe. 

By the time they both get too tired to keep going, Stevie has almost mastered a roundoff. She seems even more pleased with herself when Cady tells her how long it took her to get a roundoff properly. 

“Nicely done, kid,” Janis says when her sister comes up to her after they slide down off the trampoline. 

“Very nice,” Cady says, panting a bit. “There’s my workout for the day. Hoo, man.” 

“You good?” Janis chuckles. 

“Yeah,” Cady grins back. “Do they have… like, water, anywhere, though?” 

“I’ll do you one better. Come on,” Janis says, taking her hand and leading her towards yet another barn. This one has all the food for sale. Despite all the fun fall activities they offer, Janis thinks this is her favorite part of the pumpkin patch. Fall just isn’t fall until she eats her weight in pumpkin muffins, caramel apples, homemade mashed potatoes, and apple cider. 

“Ooh,” Cady says as soon as they walk in. “It smells so good in here!” 

“All the food,” Janis chuckles. “Come on.” 

“It all costs money,” Cady says anxiously. 

“Restaurants tend to be like that, yeah,” Janis says. “Caddy, seriously, don’t worry about it. I didn’t bring you here expecting you to pay for anything.” Totally not a date. “Today’s supposed to be fun. Get what you want, I promise it’s fine.” 

“Are you sure? Regina always-”

“Regina is full of shit,” Janis spits. “I can afford one day out and not expect you to pay me back, okay?”

Cady nods sheepishly. “Thank you.” 

“Don’t mention it,” Janis shrugs. “Now come on. You’re not leaving until you’ve tried a caramel apple.” 

“Cady, can we sit together?” Stevie asks. 

“Yeah, of course,” Cady says. Stevie squeals and runs to find them a table. 

“Maybe bringing her was a mistake,” Janis chuckles. “Sorry she’s a little clingy.” 

“She’s totally fine,” Cady says. “She’s so sweet. I have a new best friend.”

“Hey!” Janis whines. 

“Two new best friends,” Cady amends with a chuckle. “Whoa, that’s a big menu.”

“Yeah,” Janis chuckles. “Anything with chicken is pretty good. And the mashed potatoes are fantastic. And the noodles. Everything else isn’t really worth it.” 

“Noted,” Cady says. Janis orders the usual mashed potatoes with noodles for herself and Stevie to split, since the orders are way larger than they have any right to be. Cady gets the same thing and helps her carry it all back over to the table Stevie found. 

“So you’ve known Cady for two and a half hours and she’s already taken my place, hm?” Janis says when she sees the empty chair reserved for Cady next to her sister. Janis slides into the other one across from them and rests the food down. 

“No. She’s much less annoying,” Stevie says. “Not my fault your friends are better than mine.” 

“Hey, go easy on your sister,” Cady giggles. “She’s a really good person, you know.” 

“Yeah, but she’s my sister,” Stevie says. “It’s, like, against the law for me to act like I love her.” 

“Oh, is that right?” Cady asks. “Well, I’ll have you know it’s against Cady laws to give your sister such a hard time.” 

Stevie ponders this for a moment. She clearly wants to be in Cady’s good books, but her sibling instincts can’t allow her to forgo all of her good-natured taunting. 

“I like you sometimes,” Stevie concludes. 

“Yeah, you’ve got your moments,” Janis agrees. “Now eat, Papa will be mad if I don’t feed you something half decent.”

Cady shrugs, happy to have done… something for the two of them. Even if it is likely to only last a few minutes. “Whoa! This is delicious!” 

“I told you,” Janis chuckles. “Best part of the whole place.” 

Cady doesn’t respond. She just continues wolfing down her potatoes and noodles. Janis doesn’t blame her. She picks up her own fork and goes to town on her half of the order she and Stevie got. Stevie whines, “Hey, slow down, I need some too!” 

“Snooze you lose, dork,” Janis says. Stevie grabs her own fork and starts the war for their portion. “Maybe next year we get our own.”

“Definitely,” Stevie says. “Did you get some for Dad?”

“No, remind me to before we leave. If we get it now it’ll be cold by the time he gets it.” 

“Mm. Good thinking,” Stevie says. 

“What does your dad do?” Cady asks. 

“He’s a lawyer,” Stevie and Janis say at the same time. 

“Divorce attorney. Specializes in, er… unusual ones,” Janis explains further.

“Unusual?” 

“Celebrities,” Janis says. “Minor ones, anyway. Divorces people usually want to keep private. Or pretty gnarly ones where one or both of the people need extra protection for whatever reason.” 

“That’s really cool. What about your mom?” Cady asks, taking another bite of her food. Janis and Stevie both deflate a bit and look away. 

“She’s… not around,” Janis explains softly. 

“Oh, I’m sorry-” Cady frantically starts to say. 

“It’s okay, Cads,” Janis says. “We just… don’t really like to talk about it.”

“Okay. Yeah. Sorry.” 

The mood is a bit awkward for a while, nobody being quite sure what to say. Everyone finishes quietly, and Cady takes all their trash to throw away. 

“What now?” Stevie asks when she comes back. 

“You wanna go get us ciders to go?” Janis replies. Stevie nods eagerly, happily taking Janis’ debit card and running back to the food counter. “Nothing else! Just that, I’m broke!”

“Yeah, yeah!” Stevie yells back.

“That was probably a mistake,” Janis sighs. “Anyway. What do you think you wanna do next?” 

“I don’t know,” Cady says. “Zipline again?”

“Sure,” Janis chuckles. “Hey, she actually listened.” 

Stevie comes carefully walking back over with a drink tray and hands it to her sister. Janis hands one cup to her and another to Cady, keeping the last for herself. Cady takes a sip of the warm drink. “Mmm!” 

“Apple cider,” Janis chuckles.

“Warm,” Cady says happily, cradling it between her hands. 

“Good?” Janis asks. Cady nods eagerly with a smile. “Good. Come on.” 

“Can I go again?” Stevie asks.

“Yeah. Meet back here at… seven,” Janis says, checking the time on her phone. “And don’t get kidnapped.”

“Okay!” Stevie says, taking her drink and running back to the more child-oriented activities. 

Cady follows Janis as she starts walking back in the direction of the beloved zipline, drink held securely in her hands as she takes slow sips so she won’t burn her tongue. “Oh, we probably shouldn’t go on until our drinks are gone.”

“Yeah, probably not,” Janis agrees with a chuckle. “Don’t see that ending very well.”

“Corn maze? What’s that?” Cady asks, pointing to the sign nearby. 

“A maze. Made out of corn,” Janis says. “You wanna try?” 

“Um… okay,” Cady agrees. Janis leads her a bit towards it until they find a large scarecrow holding a sign that says, ‘Enter if you dare’. “Is it scary?”

“Eh… maybe,” Janis shrugs. “It’s for families, though, so it can’t be too bad.”

“Okay,” Cady says nervously. They walk side by side for a while, somehow already lost despite only going in a straight line. “So tell me about you.”

“Me?” Janis asks.

“Yeah. We’re friends?” Cady asks. Janis nods eagerly. “I don’t… know enough about you. I want to know more.” 

“Okay. Um…” Janis hums. “What do you want to know?” 

“Ummmm… what’s… what’s your favorite color?” 

“Probably purple,” Janis says. “Kinda juvenile, I guess, but I’ve always liked it. What about you?” 

“Yellow,” Cady says softly. “Makes me happy.”

“That makes sense,” Janis nods. “Yellow’s a good color.”

“It is!” Cady says eagerly. How can two words be so cute?  “Okay, another question… what’s your… middle name?” 

“My middle name?” Janis chuckles. “Why?” 

“I dunno, I just think they’re interesting to know. It’s, like, a pretty normal thing, in America, anyway. But not a lot of people know their friends’ middle names,” Cady explains. 

“You sure you’re not just trying to steal my identity or something?” 

“Yes! I’m sure, I don’t want your social security number or anything. And you don’t have to tell me, I was just wondering.” 

“I’m kidding. It’s Ophelia,” Janis says. “My mom was big on Shakespeare and my dad picked both of our first names.” 

“Janis Ophelia,” Cady says softly. “They’re good names.”

“He named both of us after singers, no they’re not,” Janis snorts.

“He did?” 

“Yeah,” Janis replies. She points to herself and says, “Janis Joplin. And Stevie Wonder.” 

“Oh. That’s cool,” Cady says. “I dunno what my parents were thinking.” 

“Yeah, I didn’t know Cady was a nickname,” Janis says. Cady reaches to run a hand over the corn stalks they walk past as they go along. 

“Yeah. My parents were never really, like, musical, though, so I don’t know why they named me Cadence,” she replies. “And they never called me it. I was seven when I learned my full name.” 

“Weird,” Janis chuckles. “I like Cadence, though. It’s pretty.” 

“Thank you,” Cady says. “I kind of like my middle name better, but I don’t mind Cadence much.” 

“Your middle name is Jane, right?” 

“Yeah. Like Jane Goodall,” Cady explains. “My parents were real creative.” 

“Sounds like it, Cady Jane,” Janis chuckles. “My turn?” 

“Sure,” Cady agrees with a giggle as they round a few corners. 

“What’s… your favorite animal?” 

“Lions,” Cady says immediately. “They were always my favorite in Kenya. They’re so… I don’t even know how to explain it. They’re independent, but… they’re group oriented at the same time. And they’re funny. And good listeners. Their kisses hurt though. They’ll take your skin off if you let them.”

“…Good to know,” Janis nods slowly. 

“Sorry. Carried away.”

“No, I like it. You tell good stories,” Janis says. She puts her free hand in her pocket since her fingers are starting to get chilly. The tiny pumpkin is still there. “They’re a bit gruesome, maybe, but they’re interesting.”

“Really?” Cady asks shyly. Janis nods. “It’s just that Regina always tells me nobody wants to hear about Africa and that it’s gross I slept and ate in dirt for thirteen years.” 

“I state again, Regina is full of shit.” 

Cady nods again. “Man, dead end!” 

“Must be a left back there, then,” Janis sighs, retracing their steps and going the correct way this time. She looks over at Cady when she’s suddenly quiet, and finds her looking intently at the ground with a pensive look on her face. She pulls the mini pumpkin from her pocket and passes it to her. “Pumpkin for your thoughts?” 

Cady laughs and takes the little gourd, holding it in one hand and her half-empty apple cider cup in the other. “I’m not sure you’ll want to hear them.”

“I always do,” Janis murmurs. 

“What did Regina do to you?” Cady asks. Janis freezes mid-step. Out of all the questions Cady could have asked, Janis was not expecting that. 

“Uh… we don’t need to talk about it,” she says quickly. 

“Why not? She already told me what happened, why won’t you?” 

“She has, has she?” Janis huffs, poking her tongue into her cheek. “You should know Regina George is a liar.”

“Why do you hate her so much?! I know you guys have… some history, but she’s my friend,” Cady insists. 

Janis is silent for a long time, neither of them moving. Everything in Janis is screaming at her to get out of this conversation, but they’re lost in the middle of a corn maze. Janis would rather not become fertilizer for next year’s crop. 

“What did she tell you?” she decides to begin with, bracing herself internally for whatever Cady says. 

“That you… used to be best friends,” Cady says in confusion. “And then she could only have six people at her thirteenth birthday party so she couldn’t invite you and you got upset. Which I understand, I feel like you should always invite your best friend to your birthday party-”

Janis snorts derisively. “Yeah. Under normal circumstances, yeah.” 

“N-normal circumstances?” Cady asks. 

“Are you really sure you want to know the truth? It’s… heavy,” Janis asks. “Not that I don’t trust you, I just… don’t like to be a downer.”

“Of course I want to know. I thought I did know,” Cady says. Janis sighs and starts walking again, a bit ahead of Cady so she doesn’t have to look at her. Cady has to sort of power walk to keep up with her, but Janis can’t bring herself to care right now. 

“Part of what Regina said was true, we were friends. Best friends. From preschool until eighth grade,” Janis begins. “But… she had way more than six people at her party. She didn’t invite me because she thought I was a lesbian.” 

“She what?! Oh my god, Janis,” Cady gasps in horror. 

“And she wasn’t really wrong.”

“O-oh,” Cady stutters a bit. “Not oh in a bad way! I just-”

“Caddy. Listening time,” Janis says. Cady nods eagerly and clamps her lips shut. “I always went to school early because my art teacher let me have coffee with her and helped me with whatever projects I was working on. But she was late one morning, so I was sketching outside. Regina came up with some other girls and said she couldn’t invite me because it was a pool party and she obviously couldn’t have a lesbian at her pool party because girls would be there in their bathing suits.”

She doesn’t dare turn around to see how Cady’s looking at her. She can already feel the pity in her eyes burning through the back of her skull. 

“And she just asked me… in, like… I can’t even describe the look on her face. The tone of her voice. What are you?” Janis says, choking out the end slightly as the memories come flooding back. “And what-what was I supposed to say? I was twelve. I couldn’t think, after that, everyone was laughing already. Staring at me. So… I said I was a space alien with four butts.” 

Janis hears Cady let out the faintest chuckle at that, imagining her quickly biting her lip to stop. Janis smiles in spite of herself. 

“And by the end of that day someone had Sharpied space dyke onto my locker,” she says, fiddling with the plastic lid of her cider cup. “I could… kind of manage for a while. Usually things like that kinda blow over after a bit, but… this didn’t. Everyone knew who I was. Everyone called me a dyke if they had the chance. I got shoved into lockers and stuff. Beat up in the bathrooms and hallways. And eventually it got so bad my parents had to pull me out of school for the rest of that year.” 

Janis sighs, bracing herself for the next part. 

“And the worst part is she… wasn’t wrong,” she sighs. “She said all that because I told her I had a crush on her about a month before. She planned everything. She planned ruining my life and smiled through the whole thing.” 

Janis jumps when a tiny, chilly hand suddenly slips into hers and pulls her back the slightest bit.

“Caddy, are you crying? This is supposed to be my sob story,” Janis says, chuckling in spite of it all. “What’s the matter?”

“I’m so sorry,” Cady sobs a bit. “My friends… are terrible people. I should never have-”

“No, Cads, you didn’t know,” Janis says. “If they treat you well that’s all that’s important. My history is… history. It’s in the past. Just… be careful with them, okay?”

“No, I can’t… I can’t be friends with them after this,” Cady chokes. “I can’t be friends with people who would… do that to you. To anyone, but… not you, especially.” 

“That’s your choice to make,” Janis says. “But… leaving won’t be easy either. Regina would probably ruin you, too, if she found out what you know.” 

“I can’t move on from this, I can’t go back to normal,” Cady says desperately. Janis thinks for a long moment. 

“I can think of another option.” 

“What?” Cady sniffles, wiping her nose on her sleeve. It’s cute, in a disgusting sort of way. Janis wants so badly to wipe her tears away, but she feels that’s probably a weird move. Especially since Cady knows for a fact she likes girls now. 

“We could have a little… revenge party. I’ve wanted to get back at her for years, but now I have an inside man,” Janis says. 

“Ooh,” Cady says, a dark gleam in her eye. “Yeah, okay.”

“You think you can pretend you still like them?” Janis asks. “For revenge’s sake?”

“Definitely,” Cady nods. 

“Then we’ll get planning soon. Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I cry a lot,” Cady chuckles, wiping her eyes. “We can keep going now.”

“I cry a lot too,” Janis replies. She walks directly next to Cady now that most of the story is done. They come to a fork in the road. “Which way?”

“Um…” Cady peeks down both paths. “Left.” 

“Works for me,” Janis shrugs, following Cady that way. 

“Can I ask something else?” Cady asks sheepishly after about twenty feet of nothing. “You totally don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but-”

“Caddy,” Janis interrupts with a laugh. “Just ask. I’ll tell you if it’s not something I’m cool with.” 

“Are you a lesbian?” 

Janis trills her lips a bit in surprise as she mulls it over. “…No.” 

“But you… like girls?”

“I do,” Janis agrees. “I guess I just… never felt… like lesbian fit me. I have had crushes and been attracted to guys before. It’s just not something I ever really see myself acting on. And I never really felt a huge need to label what I feel. I like girls and guys, I’ll probably only date girls, and I’m just… me. But that’s a lot to explain, so when people ask I usually just say I’m queer.” 

“That makes sense,” Cady nods. “Where did this fog come from?” 

“That,” Janis chuckles. She points to the fog machine tucked a ways back into the corn stalks, puffing out smoke that swirls around their ankles. “Probably means we’re going the right way.” 

“Oh, good,” Cady says happily. That happiness quickly turns, as a worker in a zombie costume leaps out in front of them. Cady and Janis both scream in fright and jump. Janis blinks as Cady is suddenly in her arms for protection. 

“Hey,” she says nonchalantly as the zombie moves on. It’s dark, shadowed by the tall corn, but Janis thinks she spies the slightest hint of a blush on Cady’s cheeks. “You good?”

“No,” Cady whines, burying her head in Janis’ shoulder. “That was scary.” 

“Do you want to go back? We can just turn around,” Janis asks. She feels a bit guilty, now. “No monsters back that way.” 

“No, I’m okay,” Cady says, carefully climbing back down and shaking herself a bit. “We should be close to the end, surely. Don’t want to waste effort going all the way back.” 

“If you’re sure,” Janis says, starting to walk again with a shrug. 

“But will you hold my hand?” Cady asks desperately. When Janis turns to see her, she has her hands held over her mouth, like she can’t believe she just asked that. 

“Sure. Come on,” Janis chuckles, gently taking her hand and leading her forward. Cady walks a bit slower, more anxiously, but they press on. 

All the other jumpscares after that are pretty quick. The zombies and vampires and werewolves and other monsters just leap out for a moment before shrinking back amongst the corn. Cady jumps every time, and is eventually just sort of cowering behind Janis and being dragged along. Neither of them complain. 

Eventually, blessedly, they make it to the exit. “We did it!” 

“And I am never doing it ever again!” Cady concludes. Janis laughs as she starts walking very briskly away from the corn maze. She jogs a bit to catch up with her and heads to a trash can to throw their cups away. 

“I don’t blame you. I think that’s the fastest I’ve ever gotten through it, though, so nicely done,” Janis chuckles. 

“It’s the Kenya,” Cady explains with a giggle. “Anyway. Your turn to pick.”

“There’s a hayride going soon. Those are pretty chill,” Janis says. 

“Sounds fun,” Cady nods. She trustingly takes Janis’ hand and follows her to the pickup point for the hayride. “Whoa.” 

They have to step back a bit as the very large tractor comes rumbling up to them and loops around before it stops to let the previous group off. Cady and Janis wait patiently before heading to one of the now empty trailers being hauled behind it. Janis climbs in first so she can help Cady up, since Cady’s about half the size of the trailer and the step comes up past her knee, but Cady manages to wiggle her way in like a little monkey and happily plops herself on the hay bale right next to Janis. 

Janis turns around and pokes her legs through the gap in the wooden planks. She folds her arms on top and rests her chin down, breathing in the cool autumn air and taking a moment to appreciate how beautiful everything looks in the dusk. 

Cady does the same, so Janis sneakily looks over at her. Cady’s nose and cheeks are a rosy pink from the chill, now that the sun is too far set to keep them warm. She’s so cute. Cady kicks her legs contently next to her and stares out at the massive fields ahead of them while they wait for all the other people to climb on the ride. 

Janis sighs a bit as they get going. Her feet brush against the stalks of corn they putter past, so she carefully pokes out a leg to hit more. 

“Pumpkin for your thoughts?” Cady murmurs after a bit. Janis looks at her and sees her offering the tiny pumpkin back, echoing what Janis did earlier. 

“It’s nothing,” Janis mumbles, taking the pumpkin and giving it a slight squeeze. “I’m just… thinking about my mom. She used to take us here every year. This was her favorite part.”

“Oh.” Cady says. 

“She left,” Janis continues, staring pointedly at her legs. She can see goosebumps beneath her swirly tights, but she can’t tell if they’re from the chilly air or from their topic of conversation. “Because of me.”

“Oh, Janis,” Cady gasps. “I’m sure it wasn’t-”

“It was,” Janis says. “She left after everything with Regina went down. She was… so mad, at first, because she thought Regina was just making things up to ruin my reputation. Her reputation. But I told them it was true, what Regina said. And then she… changed. She tried to put me into conversion therapies and stuff. Fix me. She wasn’t even religious or anything, she just couldn’t have an invert for a daughter. I don’t even think anyone’s used that term in, like, fifty years. At least.” 

Cady is quiet, looking at her with interested but sad eyes. Encouraging Janis to continue if she wants to, but understanding if she doesn’t. Janis doesn’t know why she’s telling Cady all this. But nothing in her tells her to stop.

“My dad stopped her,” Janis mumbles. “So she left. She filed for divorce and tried to take Stevie. But the court said they had to split custody fifty-fifty until the divorce finalized. For both of us. So my dad would take us to meet her halfway somewhere. She and Stevie would… do normal stuff. And she just pretended like I wasn’t there. And she told Stevie it was my fault she left, so Stevie didn’t… exactly like me, for a while. She blamed me for splitting up the family. Which she was right to do. I did split us up.

“One time my dad had work early, so he couldn’t stay until she picked us up. So my mom just took Stevie and left me on the sidewalk. I was fourteen,” Janis continues. She grits her teeth when she feels her voice waver. Sniffles in a way she hopes Cady doesn’t notice. “Which was actually a good thing, because it gave my dad enough of an argument for full custody of us without visitations. So that was the last time either of us saw her. And then when Steve got a little older he told her what actually happened, so that helped our relationship. But my mom kept fighting the divorce when she lost Stevie. My dad only managed to get everything finalized this summer.” 

Cady is quiet again. Janis doesn’t jump when she feels the hand this time. Cady gently squeezes her hand and rests her head on her shoulder. Janis tenses, because she’s touching me. But she relaxes when she leans into how right it feels. Rests her head on top of Cady’s and allows herself to let a few tears slip through. Lets herself grieve for the briefest of moments. 

“Your mom is bullshit,” Cady whispers after a long time. Janis laughs in shock. “It’s true. Even if she didn’t agree, she should’ve supported you after what you had already been through. I don’t understand how someone can just… look at… their child, their family, and say… I don’t want to love you anymore because of who you are. That’ll never make sense to me.” 

“Me either,” Janis sighs. “And the stupidest thing is I still miss her.” 

“That’s not stupid,” Cady says, squeezing her hand again. Janis looks down at their hands. She smiles faintly seeing the little freckled one in her own, their fingers laced together. She focuses on the chipped blue nail polish adorning Cady’s fingertips as Cady absentmindedly traces around Janis’ knuckle with her thumb. “She’s your mom. You have every right to miss her.” 

“It’s been two years since I’ve even heard her voice,” Janis says. “And I don’t want to hear it again, but sometimes I just… think of it, and I’m suddenly thirteen again and can’t understand why she doesn’t love me anymore. Why she isn’t here.” 

“I understand,” Cady says softly. 

“You do?” 

“I mean, not… exactly,” Cady sighs. “Obviously. You’ve met my mom.”

“But you’ve lost someone,” Janis realizes quietly. Cady purses her lips and nods. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t-”

“My brother died,” Cady blurts. “When I was ten.” 

“Oh. I’m sorry,” Janis says. “Do you want to talk about him?” 

“…His name was Caleb,” Cady begins with a sigh. “Our parents really like the letter C, I guess. Anyway. He was ten years older than me. I was the annoying baby sister who followed him everywhere and copied his every move trying to be just like him.” 

“You must’ve been cute about it, though,” Janis replies softly. 

“I like to think so,” Cady chuckles. “He never cared. I think he liked being a celebrity. Even if it was to a toddler. He was the one who came up with the idea of giving me gymnastics ‘lessons’. He was worried about me getting hurt climbing trees or running around by myself in Kenya, so he told my parents to figure out a way for me to get my wiggles out safely.”

“He sounds great.”

“He was. The best,” Cady agrees with a soft sniffle. “He’s always been my hero.” Janis pouts a bit when she hears her voice break at the end of the sentence. “He moved to England when I was eight. He loved Kenya, but he said he missed actual buildings and… being around humans. He wanted to help people as much as he wanted to help animals. So he became a firefighter.”

“That’s amazing,” Janis whispers. She waits for Cady to continue, if she wants to. 

“They said he saved a whole family. Almost by himself. The day he died,” Cady says. “They had little twins, but the parents only had time to save one of the babies or they wouldn’t have been able to get out. The house was about to collapse, but he went back in and found the other. He just managed to hand it to his co-worker before the roof caved in. And he… he never woke up. He was brain dead by the time they pulled him out of the rubble. But they kept him on life support long enough for us to fly out and say goodbye.” 

“Jesus,” Janis whispers. “I’m so sorry.” 

“My parents don’t even mention him anymore,” Cady sniffs. “It’s like he never existed. There’s no pictures. Nothing. They just pretend I’ve always been an only child.” 

“People grieve in weird ways,” Janis says. “I’m sorry, Cady.” 

Cady shrugs. “It’s fine, I guess. I like to think he’s still with me. But that’s… I get what you mean about hearing someone’s voice and being back in your old self. I get that all the time.” 

“It’s a blessing and a curse,” Janis says. Cady nods beneath her. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Cady whispers. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Janis agrees. 

“We should probably clean up a bit when we get back, I don’t think Stevie would let me make it home if she sees you’ve been crying,” Cady says. Janis laughs and nods.

“Probably for the best.” 

“Thanks for bringing me here,” Cady whispers. “I had a lot of fun.” 

“Good,” Janis whispers, squeezing her hand. “I just wanted to cheer you up a little.” 

“I needed it,” Cady chuckles. “Can’t believe I’ve been wallowing over a guy for a week.” 

“Hey, wallowing is totally reasonable,” Janis insists. “A week actually isn’t that long. Given the circumstances.”

“I don’t know how I ever thought she was my friend,” Cady sighs with a shake of her head. “Like, she probably doesn’t even like him anymore! She just took him because she knows I like him.” 

“Probably. It’s a Regina thing to do,” Janis says. “But you still like him. It’s okay to be upset that things didn’t work out the way you hoped.” 

“Maybe I could break them up,” Cady says eagerly. Janis pouts as she suddenly removes her head from her shoulder. “Do something as part of our revenge thingy!” 

Or maybe you could open your eyes and realize there’s someone who actually wants you right here, Janis thinks, trying not to be bitter. “Yeah. It would help, if we did something to mess with Regina’s reputation. That’s one of the only things she has going for her.” 

“We should start scheming soon,” Cady says. 

“You doing anything after this?” 

“No,” Cady says. 

“Then tonight may just be our night.” 

“Our night,” Cady confirms. Janis smiles at her, and Cady smiles back. Kiss her. No. Don’t kiss her. That’s weird. …But maybe kiss her. 

Someday. 

————-

It’s dark by the time they’re driving back home. Stevie insisted on getting copious amounts of kettle corn and caramel apples, but forgot to remind Janis about getting another helping of the mashed potatoes and noodles for their dad. Cady, luckily, remembered, so Stevie is asleep in the backseat holding a to-go box and surrounded by a frankly ridiculous amount of bags. 

Cady happily munches on her very own bag of kettle corn in the passenger seat, looking out the window at the darkened landscapes scrawling by. 

“Kettle corn good?” Janis asks after a long silence. Not necessarily an awkward silence, just… a silence. Janis interrupts it nonetheless. 

“Yeah! I’ve never had sweet popcorn before, it’s good!” Cady says. “You want some?” 

“Sure,” Janis grins. She takes the handful Cady offers her and immediately scarfs it down. “Thanks.” 

“Thank you,” Cady says. “For dragging me out of my house. I needed something like this.” 

“So did I,” Janis admits. “It’s nice getting to know you outside of tutoring.”

“Yeah, it is,” Cady agrees. “Maybe we’ll do it again sometime soon.”

“Maybe?” 

“We’ll definitely do it again sometime soon,” Cady amends with a giggle. 

“Good,” Janis chuckles. “In the immortal words of Max Mayfield, there’s more to life than stupid boys.” 

“Who’s Max Mayfield?”

“Oh my god!” Janis gasps in horror. “You haven’t even seen Stranger Things?” 

“No,” Cady says. “I’m strange enough already.” 

Janis laughs harder than is probably appropriate. “That’s fair. But we’re gonna have, like, a movie and TV show month. Not just a night. A whole month to show you everything you need to know. And you’re not allowed to leave until you’ve watched it all.” 

“We do have a pretty long winter break coming up in a couple months,” Cady giggles. “I definitely need to watch some stuff. I feel like I don’t even speak the same language as everyone else at school. So many references just go over my head.” 

“We’ll get you caught up. Movie tutoring,” Janis says. Cady laughs. Her laugh is so sweet, and bright. Hearing it makes Janis totally understand the whole ‘a fairy getting their wings’ thing. “Damian and I are the masters of movies.” 

“Then you’ll have to teach me your wise ways, sensei,” Cady responds with another giggle. 

“I will. I’ll start my lesson plans first thing tomorrow.”

“Can’t wait,” Cady says. 

“Do you have, like, a curfew or anything? I should probably get Steve home first since she’s zonked, but I can take you home right after if you want,” Janis says. 

“I don’t have a curfew. As long as I’m not at a party,” Cady says. “And my parents are out of town, anyway, as long as I’m safe they won’t mind. As long as you won’t mind either.”

“Nah, this’ll be fun,” Janis says. “Pumpkin carving and revenge party planning. Gorging ourselves on caramel apples. Sounds like a great night.”

“It really does.”

-

Before too long, they pull into Janis’ driveway. Janis opens her door and heads to the back before quickly realizing the situation is not easily manageable. “Cads, would you mind carrying in the food? I think I’m gonna have to carry in a certain someone.” 

“Sure,” Cady says. She gently pries the box out of Stevie’s limp hands and grabs the rest of the bags. Janis undoes Stevie’s seatbelt and pulls her little sister out of the car and into her arms. 

“I can feel you smiling,” Janis murmurs to her sister as she unlocks the front door. 

“You haven’t put me down,” Stevie retaliates with a yawn. 

“Con artist.”

“Knowing victim.” 

Janis rolls her eyes as she crosses the threshold, calling a greeting to their father in Italian. “Papa, siamo a casa!”

“Divano!” a voice calls. They switch back to English after that. 

“I brought a friend, can she stay over for a while?” Janis calls. Her dad comes down the hall to greet them. Janis tries not to cringe in embarrassment when she sees his Spongebob pajama pants and literal bunny slippers. He had to pick his dorkiest pajamas to wear tonight. 

“Which friend?” 

“Cady. She’s from school,” Janis says, using Stevie to gesture to the walking pile of food next to her. 

“If her parents are okay with it, I don’t see why not. Nice to meet you, er…” her dad says, since he can’t see Cady’s face. 

Janis reaches out a hand and takes one of the bags off the top. Cady smiles and manages to wiggle one of the others up onto her elbow so he has a hand available to shake. “I’m Cady Heron. Nice to meet you, sir.” 

“Nice to meet you too, Cady. Let me take some of that,” Janis’ father chuckles. Cady happily lets him take some of the food.

“I’m gonna put Steve to bed. Papa, nothing embarrassing, please,” Janis begs, trying not to seem too earnest. 

“I would never,” her dad gasps, feigning hurt. “Cady, would you like to see some of Janis’ favorite baby pictures?”

“Oh, you bet!” Cady says eagerly. 

“You just met, stop conspiring against me already!” Janis sighs. 

“Did Janis tell you she used to-” her dad begins again.

“Papa!” 

“Alright, alright,” her dad chuckles. He kisses Stevie on the forehead. “Dormi bene, meraviglia.” 

“Buona notte, Papa,” Stevie yawns. “Bye Cady.” 

“Bye. Sweet dreams,” Cady replies softly, waving as Janis starts up the stairs. Stevie gives a weak wave back. 

‘Putting to bed’ was a loose expression. Stevie gives an ‘oof’ as Janis tosses her unceremoniously into her bed. “Goodnight.” 

“I like Cady,” Stevie whispers as Janis throws the duvet over her face. 

“I like her too, kid,” Janis sighs sadly. “I like her too.” 

“She likes you,” Stevie whispers conspiratorially. 

“Get whatever plan you’re scheming out of your head,” Janis snorts. “Alright, the littlest matchmaker, go to bed.” 

“I need Bobo,” Stevie whines, gesturing vaguely to the corner of her room. 

“Get your own damn elephant,” Janis replies. 

“Ugh!” Stevie groans, throwing the covers off and stalking over to get her stuffed elephant. 

“Yeah, sorry, your highness,” Janis huffs. “Now goodnight.” 

“I’m not kidding,” Stevie says as she sits in her bed and pulls off her shoes.

“About what?” 

“Cady,” Stevie insists. “She likes you.” 

“She’s straight,” Janis replies. “Look, it’s complicated-”

“Why? You like her, she likes you, it seems simple to me,” Stevie huffs, flopping back against her many pillows. “And I’m nine!” 

“And I’m sixteen,” Janis says. “You can wish all you want, but you’re not getting another sister just yet.”

“But why-”

“Because she likes someone else!” Janis says, trying not to yell and alert their company downstairs. “There’s a lot of reasons it can’t happen, and either of us wishing hard enough won’t change anything, so just give it a rest, okay? She doesn’t like girls, she’s friends with the girl who ruined my life, and-and… I might be in love, but it’s not… it’s not gonna happen.” 

“If you say so.”

“One more word out of you and one of those Strawberry Shortcake pillows is bringing you down.” 

“Goodnight!” Stevie chirps innocently, settling in with her blanket and stuffed animal. Janis rolls her eyes as she flips the light off. 

“Goodnight, dork.” 

She braces herself as she heads downstairs. What stories has her dad told Cady, what photos has he already shown? What infinitesimally small chance has he already dashed? 

Surprisingly, nothing. Just her dad standing alone in the kitchen with his box of food. “Where’s-”

“She’s in the basement. I figured you would rather do whatever you’re planning down there than in that room of yours,” her father replies. Janis sighs with a flustered smile. “So. This Cady.” 

“Hm? Yeah, what-what about her?” Janis asks, massaging the back of her neck. 

“I’ve never heard of her before.” 

“Yeah, she’s new. From… Africa.” 

“And she’s got on a cheer team t-shirt,” her dad grins. 

“Yes… she’s… on the squad,” Janis replies. 

“Seem to recall you talking about a certain cheerleader who’s new this year that you seemed mighty interested in.” The grin has shifted to a smirk. Janis’ eyes go wide.

“No, no, what did you do?!”

“Nothing!” her dad defends immediately. “Just sent her down to the basement after we got the food where it goes.” Janis sighs in relief. “After discussing what potty training you was like.”

“Papa!” 

“I’m kidding,” her dad chuckles. “Go downstairs, you got a limited amount of time here. It’s a school night.”

“Tomorrow’s Sunday,” Janis replies in confusion. 

“Really?” her dad asks. He steps closer to the calendar to check. “Mio dio.”

“Losing your marbles, old man,” Janis grins. “Bye!” 

She runs down the stairs into the basement to find Cady. Cady’s in the corner Janis has transformed into her studio, staring interestedly at the wall. 

“Hey.”

“Nothing!” Cady says immediately. “I wasn’t doing- I didn’t touch anything.” 

“I mean, you can if you want. You seem like someone who keeps their hands clean.”

“Yeah, I-I am,” Cady says. “These are really nice. Where did you get them?”

“Me,” Janis replies, plopping down on the couch and reaching for the remote. “How do you feel about-”

“You did these?!” Cady asks in shock. 

“Yeah,” Janis replies. “I, er… dabble in painting.”

“They’re really good,” Cady says. “You’re so talented.”

“Thanks,” Janis squeaks. “Just a hobby.”

“Seriously! Have you shown them anywhere?” Cady asks, sitting down next to her and staring at her with eagerness practically glowing in her green eyes. 

“Um, no,” Janis says. 

“You should,” Cady says. “Really. I’ve never seen anything like them. You should share them.”

“I don’t know,” Janis replies, rubbing her sweaty palms on her shirt. “It’s just… something I got into during… everything. I don’t know if I want people to see them.” 

“It’s your call. Obviously. But I really think you should,” Cady says. “Anyway. Planning?”

“And pumpkins,” Janis nods. 

“Oh yeah,” Cady agrees with a giggle. “You’ll have to teach me how to do that, though. I’m clueless.”

“Oh, how the tables have tabled,” Janis says. She frowns. “That’s not right.” 

“Indeed it isn’t,” Cady laughs. 

“I’m tired,” Janis laughs back, shaking her head to snap herself out of it. 

“It’s only nine thirty,” Cady retaliates. “Thought you were a real party animal.”

“Never,” Janis says. “And I spent a lot of today lugging a certain someone through a corn maze.”

“Mm, that must have been tiring,” Cady says with a nod. “Maybe you should talk to Damian for some pointers. He’s got experience.”

“I’ll get right on that,” Janis chuckles. “Sure he’d love that.”

“Why?” Cady asks innocently with a tilt of her head. 

“Uh… no reason. I left your pumpkin in the car, I’ll… uh… be right back,” Janis says, standing and backing up towards the staircase. “You can look around, uhm, if you want.” 

She bolts up the staircase before she can hear Cady’s response. She runs past her father, who just smirks at her around a mouthful of potato. 

“Not a word,” Janis grumbles, pointing crankily at him. She takes a moment to breathe as she steps back onto the porch. “Oh, Dame’s gonna have a field day with this.” 

She grabs Cady’s pumpkin out of the trunk and heads back inside, rushing just the slightest bit. It is freezing. But maybe it just means her own pumpkin will last a bit longer. It’ll definitely make it until tomorrow, at least. 

“She is pretty,” her dad says as she roots through the kitchen drawers for the pumpkin carving kit. 

“That’s creepy when you say it,” Janis replies, shoving her way through another drawer and creating a loud enough jangling sound that it drowns out his teasing. “Bye. Again.” 

“Six inches minimum!”

“These knives are going into your skull someday!” 

“Quite a greeting,” Cady responds, turning around to see her from the couch. 

“Oh! No, no, not you!” Janis says frantically. “I was talking to my dad.”

“Touching,” Cady giggles. Janis smiles back as she makes her way back in front of the couch. “I didn’t know you were Italian, by the way.” 

“Oh, yeah. Half. My dad grew up there and my mom met him studying abroad in college. We try not to lean too much into the stereotypes but we do eat inordinate amounts of pasta in this house.” 

“That’s cool,” Cady grins, leaning against the back of the couch and resting her head on her hand. Janis tosses a box of trash bags next to her and gently plonks Cady’s pumpkin on the ground. She takes the remote in exchange, flipping through the various streaming services until she finds the right one. 

“Here,” she says, handing it to Cady and grabbing back her trash bags. “Look through until you find a movie called… uh… I dunno, something about Charlie Brown and a great pumpkin.” 

“Okay,” Cady says, holding the remote in her hand and slowly scrolling through all the options. “That’s a lot of movies.”

“Just wait,” Janis chuckles. “Welcome to your first night of America classes, please take your seat.” 

“I’m sat,” Cady giggles. “What are you doing?”

“Prepping.”

“To kill me? What’s with the trash bags?” 

“Do you have some childhood trauma you wanna share with the class? Why does everything I do make you assume I’m about to murder you?” 

“You took me out of my house without warning or telling me where we’re going, took me to a relatively out of the way location, then got me into a corn maze alone with no witnesses, and now you’re covering your basement in garbage bags.”

“Okay, well, when you put it that way,” Janis sighs with a laugh. “To be fair, you survived, like, ninety-nine percent of that.”

“So far.” 

“Yeah, keep pushing your luck,” Janis says. “Look, the only one getting murdered tonight is your pumpkin, okay?”

“No!” Cady gasps, protectively scooping it into her lap. 

“Cads, when I said you could get a pumpkin to carve, what were you imagining was involved?”

“I’m attached,” Cady defends, resting her cheek on her precious pumpkin. 

“Do you just want to paint it instead?” Janis asks.

“…No, you’re right. I got it to carve it. And I want the experience at least once.”

“Then… sit,” Janis says, fluffing out the last trash bag and laying it over the floor. She grabs the remote and presses play on Charlie Brown to have in the background. Cady slides to the ground with her pumpkin, looking at Janis expectantly. “You wanted a lion, right?” 

“Um… yeah,” Cady confirms with a nod. Janis grabs her phone and starts searching for lion pumpkin carving stencils. 

“Here. The black part is what you’ll carve out, so focus on the white part. And you might wanna stick to something more simple for the first one,” she says, offering it to Cady. “Just see which one strikes your fancy.” 

Cady scrolls. And scrolls, and scrolls, and… scrolls. “What if none of them do?” 

“Really?” Janis chuckles. “Then… hm.” 

She heads to her studio corner and finds a few scrap pieces of paper she can use for a sketch. She grabs it and a Sharpie and returns to Cady on the ground. 

“Describe to me your vision for this masterpiece,” she hums like a haughty artiste. 

“Oh, um… I dunno, really,” Cady says, looking intently at Janis’ hand holding the marker. “I guess… a cuter face, more than scary? And then… a really big mane. But not too many little details. I have very little control of my hands.” 

Janis starts drawing as Cady speaks, sketching out what she thinks is a cute lion face. A few thicker squiggly lines can pass as a mane. She stretches the mane as wide as she can, thinning it out a bit as she gets towards the edges. “How’s that?”

“How did you do that?” Cady asks in awe, looking at the doodle. 

“Do what?”

“That! You just… and then… lion,” Cady says. “That was, like, ten seconds!”

“I drew it?” Janis chuckles. “What do you think?” 

“It’s perfect!” Cady says. “I don’t understand how you just… wow.” 

“Good wow?” 

“Amazing wow,” Cady breathes. 

“Why are you so fascinated that I can draw?” Janis chuckles. “You could probably do the same thing.”

“No way,” Cady insists with a shake of her head. Janis smirks, passing over the marker and another blank sheet of paper. 

“Try.”

“What?” 

“Try it,” Janis says, continuing to hold the marker out to her. “Draw me your best lion. I bet you can.” 

“You’re gonna laugh,” Cady whines, taking the marker and removing the cap again. “Don’t look.” 

“Alright, I won’t. You cool if I take a knife to your pumpkin in the meantime?” 

“Be gentle with him. But yes.” 

“I’ll be as gently homicidal as I can be,” Janis nods with a laugh. Cady turns her back and hunches in on herself so Janis can’t watch her draw. Janis grabs the biggest knife and gets to work cutting the top off of her pumpkin so Cady can hollow it out. 

“Here,” Cady mumbles, holding out the paper and adamantly refusing to look Janis in the eye. Janis puts down the knife and takes the drawing back to see. She takes a look. A little circle with a basic face (but properly shaped nose) and a cute little smile, and a series of squiggly lines surrounding it. Janis tries not to laugh, but she can’t quite hold it back. “Hey! Don’t laugh!” 

“Hey, no,” Janis says through her laughter. Cady whines and buries her face in the couch cushion. “This is good, it’s cute!” 

“No it’s not,” Cady whines again, muffled by the cushion. 

“Yes it is, Cads! I’ve just had more practice, come on,” Janis pleads. “It’s really good.”

“You’re a liar,” Cady humphs, removing her face from the cushion but crossing her arms over her chest and pouting. 

“No, really! It’s cute,” Janis says. “Now come on, Grumpy, let’s carve this pumpkin.” 

“What do I do?” Cady asks, any offense forgotten. 

Janis pulls the ‘lid’ off the pumpkin and gestures to it. “Rip its guts out.”

“Beg pardon?” 

Janis plonks a large plastic bowl next to her. “Pull out all the goopy bits and seeds.”

“With my hands?” Cady asks. 

“God given tools,” Janis nods. 

“Er… okay,” Cady says with a grimace. She takes off her cardigan so her sleeves won’t get pumpkin-y and reaches a hand in. She squeals as soon as she makes contact. “Ew!” 

“Come on, it’s part of it!” Janis laughs as Cady pulls her hand right back out of the pumpkin and tries to shake it clean. “You can do it.”

Cady hums anxiously and tentatively reaches back in. This time she actually grabs a handful of the pumpkin guts and pulls it out. Janis watches curiously as she squishes it and gives it a hesitant sniff. Almost like a child, exploring something new. “It kinda feels good.”

“It’ll make your skin nice and smooth,” Janis says. Cady plops the handful into the bowl and reaches back in. 

“So what’s this movie?” Cady asks, looking up at the screen. Janis presses play and turns the volume down to a not-distracting level. Background noise, but won’t interrupt their conversation. 

“Charlie Brown. It’s a classic,” Janis says. “It’s against the law to carve pumpkins without watching The Great Pumpkin.” 

Cady watches, adorably focused on the screen as she hollows out her pumpkin. Janis tries not to stare as she tosses the remote back onto the couch. How is she so cute? 

Janis looks around her basement for something less creepy to stare at. She locks onto her plastic kid easel her dad bought her in kindergarten. Humble beginnings. Her eyebrows raise as she remembers the chalkboard on the other side. Useful. 

Cady turns to look at her when she leaps up to drag it over and roots through a drawer for some chalk. All she can find is sidewalk chalk, but it’ll have to do. 

Janis erases a crudely done drawing of a duck and a ‘Stevie was here’ done in a child’s writing to make room for their planning. “Okay, Cads, how well can you multitask?” 

“I have untreated ADHD.” 

“Noted,” Janis nods. “And same. Okay, so… for this to work, we have to knock Regina off her throne. She’s not gonna give it up willingly. And she can’t know what we’re up to, or the whole thing will be ruined.” 

“Okay,” Cady nods. “How do we do that?” 

“Wreck her reputation.”

“Wreck-putation,” Cady agrees. “Wait.”

“Now who’s tired?” Janis teases. “So… we can break this into bits. Attack one front of her popularity at a time.” 

“Okay,” Cady says again. “How do we break it down?” 

Janis mulls this over, tapping the chalk against her chin. “We have to do something to get everyone at school to stop… worshipping her.” 

“That makes sense. But they won’t go easy. She’s a malevolent dictator,” Cady says. “Maybe… maybe if we go for the other branches first they’ll kinda… desert. Or at least some will, and that’ll make it easier.” 

“That’s a really good point,” Janis nods. She writes, ‘DISBAND ARMY’ in all capital letters on the chalkboard, but leaves room above it for the steps that should come first. “So… to do this, we have to get them to stop ‘loving’ her. But how do we do that? What do people see in her?”

“She’s got a great body,” Cady says absently, grimacing slightly at another handful of pumpkin. Janis stares at her for a moment. “What? It’s true. All the boys ever talk about is her… I dunno, hips or whatever.” 

“That’s true,” Janis nods. She adds, ‘MAKE NOT HOT’ to the list. “What else?” 

“People like gossiping. If we get them to gossip about her…” Cady says. 

“You’re too good at this,” Janis grins. “But what would they be able to talk about that isn’t good?” 

“… I don’t know.” Cady says. Stumped. 

“I think… this might be your ticket to Aaron,” Janis realizes. “All the school could talk about was when she cheated on him. And what’s to say she won’t do it again?” 

Cady looks up with an eager glint in her eye. “You’re right. And Gretchen and Karen know, like, all her secrets. I can see if I can get something out of them we can use.” 

“Tits,” Janis says, trying not to cackle maniacally. She allows herself a quiet one as she writes, ‘PROPAGANDA’ down on the board. “This is a good baseline thing, I think.” 

“So… what do we do now?” Cady asks. 

“Right now, take this and scrape the rest of the stringy stuff off the sides,” Janis says, handing Cady a spatula. Cady gets right to work, and Janis has to actively not stare at her biceps. “Well, making her not hot is first on the list. Might be a good place to start. Do you have any ideas?” 

“No,” Cady sighs. “I’ll think about it. Let you know if I come up with something.”

“Yeah, we got time. I’ll think too,” Janis nods. She walks up behind Cady and flops down onto the couch. “Looks good.”

“Can I carve it now?” Cady asks eagerly, turning to look at her. Janis shoots her a smile and nods.

“Yeah, I think so,” she says. She peeks at Cady’s handiwork inside and nods again. “Now you get the drawing onto it.”

“…How do I do that?” 

“I’ll help,” Janis chuckles. She shows Cady how to paste the drawing onto the pumpkin and mark out the design. Cady seems confused as she removes the paper to reveal the faint marks. Janis traces over it with the marker to make it easier to see. “There. Now carve it. It’s easier if you go slow and kinda saw it.”

Cady carefully picks up the tiny knife, and immediately drops it. “Whoops.”

“Jeez,” Janis jumps before laughing. “Remind me not to give you actual knives.” 

“Happily,” Cady grumbles. “I’m so klutzy.” 

“Really? That seems dangerous for a cheerleader,” Janis chuckles. She doesn’t need to, but she stays seated on the ground next to her and watches Cady work. The movie is still faintly playing in the background, having moved onto another Charlie Brown Halloween feature. Janis half-focuses on it, but she’s seen it so many times she doesn’t really need to. 

“That’s part of why I started. My parents hoped it would… I dunno, give me more control of my muscles, or something,” Cady says with a precious giggle. “But it didn’t work. I trip over my feet all the time.”

“Then how do you do all those… flippy thingies so well?” 

“Luck,” Cady says. “But I don’t really know. My parents always say I walk better on my hands than my feet.” 

“You can walk on your hands?” Janis asks, almost in awe. 

“Yeah,” Cady nods. “I spent a whole day upside down once. But now I get kinda dizzy if I do it too long.” 

“I always wanted to be able to do stuff like that. I managed a handstand in elementary school but I couldn’t hold it long enough,” Janis sighs. 

“It’s tricky. And you’re tall, that makes it hard, too,” Cady says. 

“Am I tall or are you just… not?” 

“Hey! I’m not short!” Cady humphs. “You’re gonna mess me up.” 

“How short are you?” Janis teases. 

“Hey!” 

“Kidding,” Janis defends, suddenly remembering Cady does have a knife, albeit a dull one. “But seriously.” 

“I’m five foot three,” Cady says. Janis raises a suspicious eyebrow. “Fine, five two.” Janis continues looking. “Oh my god, fine, I’m five feet even!”

Janis bites her lip. So tiny. “Caddy, I hate to break it to you, but… you’re short.” 

“I know,” Cady pouts. “But you’re a giant, so you’re biased.” 

“I’m only five ten!” Janis defends. 

“I’m only five ten,” Cady mocks crankily under her breath. 

“Hey now,” Janis chuckles. “Not my fault I hit that growth spurt freshman year.” 

Cady just humphs and carves her pumpkin a bit more aggressively. Janis laughs and watches her quietly. Cady sticks her tongue out when she’s focusing. It’s almost unreasonably adorable. 

“There!” Cady chirps contently when she’s decided she’s finished. “I did it!”

“Yeah, that looks great!” Janis says. “Good job. Perfect timing, too, the movie’s done.” 

“Yay,” Cady says, giving a happy little wiggle as she admires her handiwork. “I like it.”

“Me too,” Janis says with a soft smile. “You did a great job.” 

“Thanks,” Cady says. She stretches out her muscles, clearly stiff from spending so much time on the floor. “I should probably get home.”

“Yeah, I’ll drive you. It’s late,” Janis says.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I’m going to,” Janis says immediately. “You can’t stop me.” 

“Okay, okay,” Cady giggles. “Thanks.”

“You don’t have to thank me. You actually getting murdered would be a real downer on this fine day we’ve had,” Janis chuckles. “Got everything?”

Cady feels around her pockets as she pulls her sweater back on. She nods to herself as she feels she has everything she came with and bends to pick up her pumpkin. Janis takes a candle from the carving kit and puts it in her own pocket. 

“Alright, let’s go,” Janis says. Cady nods happily and follows her up the stairs. “Papa, I’m gonna drive Cady home, I’ll be back soon.”

“Okay, drive safe,” her dad nods. “It’s dark. Use your headlights properly.”

“I will!” Janis huffs. 

“Bye Mr. Sarkisian, it was really nice to meet you,” Cady says politely. “Thanks for letting me stay for a while. Your home is really nice.”

“Thank you, Cady. You’re welcome any time,” her dad says, looking at Janis almost in disbelief. Janis shrugs from her spot behind Cady so she can’t see. “Have a nice night.”

“You too!” Cady chirps, heading out Janis’ front door. Janis’ father nods at her with an approving smile as she follows her. 

—————

“Back home and not murdered,” Janis says as she pulls into Cady’s driveway. “So… good day?”

“Acceptable,” Cady hums haughtily, unable to keep up her ruse for more than a second before bursting into adorable giggles. “It was. A really good day. Thank you.” 

“Anytime,” Janis murmurs. “Come on, I’ll walk you up.” 

Cady climbs out of the car and grabs her jack o’ lantern from the backseat. “Oh, I should leave it on the porch!” 

“That is where people usually put them,” Janis agrees with a chuckle. Cady picks the perfect spot on her front porch and gently plonks the pumpkin down. 

“Good?”

“Perfect,” Janis nods. “Oh, here.” 

“What’s this?” Cady asks as she takes the little tea light. It’s a fake candle, but Janis feels that’s probably for the best. Cady with a knife was dangerous enough, fire can wait. 

“Tea light. Flip the switch on the bottom,” Janis says. Cady does, watching the false flame flicker. “Now put it inside.”

“Okay,” Cady says, clearly confused but trusting Janis not to lead her astray. She gasps when she sees the design she’s carved all lit up. “Whoa! That’s so cool!”

“I told you,” Janis laughs. “Goodnight, Cads.”

“Goodnight, Jay,” Cady responds softly. Janis tries not to gasp as she wraps her in a tight hug. “Thank you. Today was great.”

“More to life than stupid boys,” Janis whispers back, giving her a squeeze. She waits for Cady to unlock the door and gives a little salute just before she closes it on the other side. Cady waves back with a smile and flips the porch light on. 

Janis sighs a bit as she heads back to the car. 

One of them definitely fell in love in October, at least.

————

yes i did give cady another dead older sibling for literally no reason other than i felt like it thank you for asking :) sorry not sorry 

here’s the (rough) translations for the italian but please bear in mind i used google translate so be gentle with me if they’re not super accurate lol 

siamo a casa- we’re home 

divano- couch

dormi bene, meraviglia- sleep well, wonder

buona notte- goodnight 

mio dio- my god

anyway!! i hope you enjoyed and have a happy halloween :)

lots of love,

ezzy

[mercy-burning]

To Be Near

Part of Mercy’s 1k Celebration: A collection of Spencer Reid x Reader requests to celebrate 1,000 followers.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader

Summary: It’s Spencer and Reader’s first night together since he got out of prison.

Category: FLUFF/SMUT (18+), and a ‘lil bit of angst in there too (it’s mostly just kinda sad tbh)

Warnings: Mild language, Smut (oral sex- female receiving, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, dirty talk)

Word Count: 4.9k

Full Requests:

+ “...ahhh okay what about like a fluff&smut about seeing spencer after he got out of prison? like he’s all soft and “i wanna make love to you” ???” — @shatteredlovesick 

+ “...First, congratulations on 1k! absolutely loved you “I’ve Got You” fic and was wondering if you could make something similar that has fluffy smut.” — @onesstop 

MASTERLIST | 1K MASTERLIST

***

Usually you loved the cold. Feeling the cool breeze on your face and cuddling up with blankets and cardigans and sweaters was just about the most comforting feeling in the world.

But no amount of blankets and cardigans and sweaters could have shaken the devastating chill that settled in your bones when Spencer was gone. And wearing his clothes only strengthened the loneliness that plagued you. It was a blaring reminder that he was spending his days actually behind bars and not with you, cuddled on the couch like you'd done a million times over. Like he should have been.

Sure enough, about a week went by and you barely saw him. The first time you'd seen him since he was released from prison was brief, right before he had to go back to work to get his mom back and safe to him. You held him close, breathing in as much of him as you could before he would be ripped away from you again, making sure he knew just how much you loved him and cared for him.

And what added salt to injury was the fact that even after he was released, he was incredibly busy. It seemed like bad thing after bad thing just kept happening, like a domino effect of evil that left you feeling colder. Because now you were plain scared. And alone.

Penelope was kind enough to text you with updates, and even though Spencer might have been physically okay, you knew that all of this stress and constant danger was probably eating away at him from the inside.

Eventually he'd called to let you know that everything was okay again, he and his mom on their way to a motel to recuperate in for a little while. Hearing his weary voice, broken and completely drenched in exhaustion was the only thing that kept you from begging him to come home to you— As much as you desperately needed him, wanted to comfort him, you knew that he needed time alone with his mom. So yet again, you'd told him how much you loved him and held on to the way he said it back, his soft voice humming low in your heart long after he hung up.

He texted you occasionally, little updates to let you know he was okay. And he rarely ever texted at all. Whenever he did it made your heart sing, seeing his naively adorable attempts at using emoticons coupled together with declarations of love or sometimes even stupid little jokes designed to put a smile on your face. You liked to imagine he sent them so he could picture your laugh in his mind, ringing out softly and sweetly as he read back your usual Lol, I love you, silly goose, or something along those lines.

When you finally did see him face-to-face again, it was days later. He briefly mentioned over text that his team was in trouble, but that it would be taken care of and that his mom was safe somewhere. Again your stomach twisted with nerves, hoping and praying that he would come back to you safely. It was always a possibility with his job that something bad would happen, as you've unfortunately witnessed a few times over, but the so-called comfort in knowing that truth didn't help ease your anxieties at all. Maybe they had once upon a time, but after the last few months, and even the last few days, you weren't sure you'd ever know true comfort until Spencer was safely in your arms for eternity.

He'd texted to say he was on his way over in the early morning, and your heart skipped several beats. And in attempt to make yourself look less disheveled and sleep-deprived, you put on a clean pair of clothes—sweats and a tank top with one of Spencer's cardigans—and brushed your hair. To make it all feel a little more real, you splashed cool water on your face and rubbed at your eyes to wake yourself up a bit.

You were patiently sitting on the couch, two warm cups of tea laid out in front of you on the low table when there was a knock on your door, followed by a soft, "It's me," ad you were to the door in an instant.

As always, the sight of him drove you half wild. He looked exhausted, his hair particularly messy and his clothing hung loosely around him. His eyes softened when he saw you, like he was finally in the one place he truly wanted to be, like he was home, and the sight of his bottom lip wobbling every so slightly was enough to have you pull him inside by the shirt and into your arms.

The bag slung over his shoulder dropped with a heavy thud to the ground, and both of his arms snuck to the back of your waist as you leaned up on your tip-toes and squeezed yourself into his body. Your arms clung to his neck, and the big sigh of relief that you felt leave his body utterly wrecked you.

The door to your apartment remained wide open as you stood there in the doorway and hugged each other, silently reuniting in a way that conveyed exhaustion and relief and comfort. There was a tinge of sadness there, too, and you knew it most likely stemmed from the self-deprecation you'd come to know Spencer was prone to. After all he'd been through in the past few months, you knew in your gut that feeling would most likely be very strong in his heart.

So you did your best to quell it, shoving your face further into his neck and running your hands through his hair as he squeezed you tight. Your heart pulled apart at the seams at the way he shook against you, low, shaky breaths that you knew to be cries expelling from his system at last. Deep down it was obvious that he hadn't taken the time to let it all out... Now that he was there with you, safe and out of harm's way, he had the freedom to let go in any way he chose, any way that would be easiest without any judgement or shame.

With you, Spencer was well and truly safe.

"I've got you," you breathed into his neck, your fingers gently massaging the back of his head. "I love you.

He tried to say it back, but when his throat willed to finally make a sound, all that came out was a choked sob.

You held him tighter and let him cry against you, his body going half-limp in your arms.

***

By the time Spencer had finished crying enough for you to move inside, drink your tea in silence, take a well-needed and soothing shower together, and get into bed, it was only noon. He was snuggled into your side, his head resting on your chest as you combed through his damp curls with your fingers. His own fingers drew mindless patterns over the expanse of your stomach, his whole hand shoved up under your shirt and basking in the warmth you provided.

"I don't know about you, but I'm getting kinda hungry," you mumbled loud enough for him to hear. You'd been in silence for so long now, it almost felt too loud, even though you barely used your voice at all.

"I'd ask you to make your mac and cheese, but I don't want to leave the bed... I don't want to leave you."

You laughed a little, his head slightly bobbing at the motion. "I can order some Thai if you want. It won't be here for another half hour maybe, and we can stay in bed a little while longer."

"Okay."

You reached over to your bedside table, grabbing your phone and placing an order for delivery from your favorite Thai place. Just the thought of the food, saying the words out loud and feeling Spencer mutter soft Mmms into your skin at the thought of food made your stomach growl. You honestly weren't sure how long it'd been since you ate anything substantial, and Spencer was probably in the same boat.

Just as you promised, the both of you laid in bed for around thirty-five minutes before the food got there. He grumbled as you got up to answer the door, but you promised him you wouldn't be long and that after eating, you could stay in bed as long as you wanted to.

And that's what you did. You tried your hardest not to scarf everything down, not truly realizing just how hungry you were until the food was right in front of you, smelling as delicious as ever and ready to be consumed.

Spencer sat across from you at the table, though it was obvious in the way he kept looking up at you that all he wanted was to be touching you, to be enveloped in your warmth again. Your heart ached for him as you set your fork down and scooped more of the food onto it. Hoping to somewhat satiate his need to be near you, you reached your leg out under the table, dragging your bare foot over his calf. He smiled softly at you, his entire body seeming to relax again at your touch.

For the next ten minutes you ate in comfortable silence, your foot gently sliding up ad down his lower leg.

And when you were both finally done, he clung to you as you navigated the kitchen, throwing out garbage, putting dishes in the sink, and boxing up leftovers. His arms wrapped around your stomach as he stood behind you, his head resting on your shoulder and his hair tickling your cheek.

At one point you brought one of your hands up to brush his cheek, and your head careened to the side to give him a small kiss on the corner of the mouth. His hands slipped under your shirt then, fingers spreading and engulfing the surface area of your lower stomach. Their gentleness and warmth made you sigh as you slumped back against him, using your hand to cup his cheek as best as you could.

"I missed you so much, baby," you whispered, your thumb lightly stroking his bottom lip. Your wrist was cramping a little from the angle, but you didn't care.

Spencer leaned into your palm and kissed it gently, mumbling, "I missed you, too, sweetheart."

The relief and comfort that seeped out of his words made your heart swell, so much so that you couldn't stand it any longer. You turned around and hugged him again, your arms wrapping around his neck as his pressed firmly to your lower back. You squeezed him tight, peppering tiny kisses along his neck and shoulder blade. Eventually your kisses shifted along his jaw, then his cheek, and then you pressed the gentlest of kisses to his lips before moving to the other side and continuing your adventure along the other side of his neck.

He always loved when you kissed him like that, softly praising every inch of his skin through gentle lips and whispered I love yous in between.

You pulled back for a moment, smiling softly at him as your fingers interlocked behind his head, just at the nape of his neck.

"I... I don't know what I did to deserve you," he said with a slight crack in his voice. "I constantly put you through danger and worry, a—and somehow you still... still manage to make me feel like I deserve your love."

Your throat tightened, threatening to spill choked sobs. But you swallowed and pushed through, one of your hands sliding down over his neck and up to his cheek again. "Spencer, ever since I met you, all you've done is shower me with unconditional love and understanding. You... You teach me new things and you have this natural habit of making me feel like the only woman in the world. Every day, you show me how much you care about other people, and at the end of the day, that's all that matters. It's... The bad days are hard, sure, but when I see your face for the first time in days, sometimes weeks? God... Spencer, there's nothing that compares to that feeling."

You were teary-eyed now, and Spencer was full-on silently crying, tears streaming down his cheeks, and you wiped them all away as you spoke to him.

"So yes, of course you deserve my love... You deserve every ounce of love the world has to offer."

You leaned up and kissed him then, tasting the faint saltiness of tears combined with the food you'd just eaten. If it meant seeing him smile, making him feel comfort and love, you would have kissed away all his tears.

And you were going to, moving to pepper more kisses along his cheeks where the water had fallen, but he brought his hands to your face and kissed you deeper, his body sinking into yours and daring you to never leave him.

You wouldn't, as long as you lived.

You stood higher on your tip-toes and clung to his neck as he kissed you, lips sliding over yours perfectly. And though everything about the way he kissed you was a declaration of love and gratitude for your affections and undying support, you'd have be lying if you said your belly didn't pool with a low-burning heat, reminiscent of a pot of boiling water. His hands on your face, the way his thumbs brushed over your cheek and his tongue barely probed your lips open, all of it was more than enough to make you dizzy.

Eventually he moved to kiss your jaw, goosebumps forming over your skin as he whispered against you. "I love you so much, Y/N..." His lips pressed to your neck. "So..." Your jawline. "...damn..." Under your ear. "...much..."

You couldn't help the choked whimper that fell from your lips as he gently nibbled on your earlobe, right before he spoke again. His hands slid down over your arms and interlocked themselves with yours, his breath hot next to your ear. "Let me show you... Please..." He started kissing your neck again, just as one of his hands migrated to the hem of your shirt, slipping under the fabric and tracing featherlight lines into your side. You whined again as he mumbled against your neck.

"Let me make love to you..."

Those six simple words were more than enough to push you off the edge, unable to take any more of this low-boiling heat in your stomach. You hummed low in your throat as your hands grabbed his wrists and placed them at your hips, daring them to firmly grip you— And they did. Spencer's lips dragged up your neck before finding your lips once more, and the whine that escaped you was nothing if not desperate.

He continued kissing you all the way back to your bedroom. Once your legs it the end of the bed, you buckled and sat down, too weak in the knees to stay upright any longer. He wasn't rough with you in the slightest, his lips still passionate but oh so slow and intoxicating, like sweet, thick honey. That alone made your limbs weak and your heartbeat as quick and loud as a drum roll. His hands roamed carefully over your body, up and under your shirt, over your arms, every so lightly between your thighs as he slipped between them to lay you down.

And once you were leaned all the way back, he brought his hands to your face, caressing your cheek the same way you'd caressed his.

He pulled back, looking into your eyes with his, their golden color almost completely swallowed by his pupils. His breath fanned gently over your mouth, and you smiled, resting one of your hands atop his on your cheek. You leaned into his touch and wrapped your legs around his waist, drawing him near and hoping you could stay with him forever.

"I love you," you whispered.

He leaned down and kissed you again, mumbling, "I love you," into your mouth as he did so. His lips migrated down your skin again, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses all over. "I missed you... Missed your warmth..."

He shifted down your body then, his kisses starting up again at your stomach where your shirt had ridden up. When his tongue licked a thin stripe across your lower stomach, you whimpered and trembled underneath him, feeling wetness already dampening your panties. He laughed against your skin, pressing another kiss to your stomach. "Missed all your little whimpers..." He slid downwards, trailing his fingers along the waistband of your pants before slowly tugging them down, his lips following the trail through each new centimeter of exposed skin. "...and how squirmy you get when I touch you like this..."

Your pants were off quicker than you thought, but he left your underwear on as he kissed up your legs, starting at your ankle and slowly making his way up to your thighs. Your hands fisted the sheets when his breath blew out over the crease of your thigh, eliciting another desperate whine from your throat. And though it was hard to hear over the blood rushing in your ears, thrumming nearly as loudly as your heart, you were still able to hear Spencer's low laugh at your reaction, a sound that made you even wetter.

"I missed teasing you like this," he continued, running his middle finger over your opening through the thin panties you had on. You squirmed again, hips jolting at his touch— a touch you hadn't felt in months. You were utterly wrecked, and he barely even did anything to you, a fact he picked up on pretty quickly.

"You missed it, too, haven't you, sweetheart? Hmm?" His finger pressed harder into you, no doubt feeling how wet, how warm and ready for him you were. "My poor, pretty girl, haven't been touched in months. It must have been so lonely..." Though his words were teasing, a means to get you hot and bothered, there was also an underlying tone of truth to them— of this aching pity and sadness and regret... His words were apologetic as much as they were teasing, and everything all at once was making you ache for him more.

"Y—Yes, baby," you choked out as best as you could, opening your eyes to see how thoroughly wrecked he was. "Fuck, I missed you so much... No... No one touches me li—ike you do."

"I'm so sorry for leaving you all alone, baby," he whispers, kissing your thighs once more before moving to where you were already craving his full attention. "Let me make it up to you..."

He replaced his finger with his tongue, warm and wet as it firmly pressed over your clothed cunt. A loud sigh escaped you as he kept it pressed there, ever so slightly curling the tip of it to reach further inside you. He pulled back after a few moments, pressing kiss after kiss all around the seams of your underwear until he reached your center again. He tugged the fabric down until it was off, kissing up your leg again.

"I can't wait to get reacquainted..." His lips moved softly against the skin on your inner thighs, moving closer to where you ached for him with every passing second. And then his face was right there, millimeters away from it when he spoke, his lips ever so lightly dancing over the slick flesh. "...with this pretty little pussy."

When his tongue darted out, you shattered beneath him immediately. It was only the tiniest of touches, the very tip of his tongue coming in contact just below your clit, and still it was enough to ruin you. Among the many lonely nights you'd had over the course of the last few months, you were met with dreams of this exact moment, Spencer's head between your legs as he unraveled you, and it always left you feeling even more lonely when you woke up.

But this was no dream. He was really there, in front of you, making up for lost time. And that's what made you lose control.

He kitten-licked your clit through your first orgasm of the night, and as you came down, you couldn't help but feel embarrassed at how quickly it took for you to fall apart.

"Oh, sweetheart... That was so damn beautiful." He brought his tongue out to lick through your folds again, humming lowly in he back of his throat. You watched him intently, trying not to shake, and noticed his eyes roll into the back of his head with a flutter as he delved further into you. The sight, accompanied by his tongue now plunging itself into you, made you cry out, your head hitting the bed and your hands clenching the sheets even harder.

He reacquainted himself with your pussy just fine, spending almost an hour alone exploring every way to make you come as if he'd never done it before. Each time you came down, he'd pull away and start off slow again, gently probing his fingers inside of you while his tongue massaged your clit every which way. It was like pure velvet, each stroke of his tongue and each curl of his fingers inside of you causing you to crash and burn over and over again. In between your high-pitched moans and cries, Spencer would occasionally mumble words of praise against your skin, a particular favorite of yours being the, "Perfect fucking cunt, princess..." right before gently sucking at your clit.

By the time he was finished, your three slow-building orgasms and the one quick one under his belt, his hair was absolutely wild as he looked up at you. He moved up your body, the wetness on his face glistening in the sunlight that poured through the bedroom window, and the hungry look in his eyes dissolved into absolute adoration and wonder as he took in your appearance.

Your mouth was partway open, your middle finger tucked between your teeth as you recovered from your highs. Sweat glittered over your brow and your chest heaved deeply, a smile forming on your lips when he bit his bottom lip and studied you.

"You sure you're okay to keep going?" he asked you gently, using a thumb to brush over your cheek.

The deep rasp in his voice after having been... occupied for the past hour sent a wave of pleasure coursing through your veins. So you nodded, removing your finger from your mouth and bringing his face down to meet yours in a deep, loving kiss that had you both weak in the knees.

You slid up to the head of the bed, your legs resting wide open as Spencer removed himself of his clothes. You rid your shirt as well, the two of you never losing eye contact as you bared yourselves to each other for the first time in months. The air between you two was utterly electric, all this time apart coming to an end at last. Your bodies practically buzzed with the nearness, your veins going numb each time he brushed up against you as he settled out of his clothes and in between your legs.

When he leaned forward, the head of his cock gliding up through your folds to ready himself, you sighed out, reaching up to grab his face with both of your hands. Your fingers gently brushed away stray strands of hair from his eyes, and you smiled, hoping to convey to him just how much you truly loved him. Sure enough, his eyes softened once again under your gaze, and mostly, almost entirely gone was the insecurity and sorrow that had plagued them.

"I love you, Spencer," you told him, bringing his face down so your noses were touching. You brushed your nose against his and then pressed a gentle kiss to it, right as he started to push into you. You captured each others' shaky, relieved sighs as he bottomed out, holding himself deep inside you and pulling your legs up to wrap around his arms. Your tongue licked up into his mouth as you whined, already so relieved to have him in your arms (and quite frankly your pussy) once again.

He started to move ever so slowly, never fully retreating all the way before pressing his hips back into yours, and the groan that left his throat as he felt you clamping around him wrecked you all all over again. "So tight and warm," he mused softly against your lips, accepting and returning every kiss you gave him as he continued a slow, searing pace inside of you. "I've missed you so much, pretty girl... Dreamt... about you almost every night..."

"Me, too," you admitted, softly moaning out at the burning between your legs. "Missed... feeling you inside me. You always... Ohhh... always f—fill me up so g—good." Pressure was already building between your hips again, threatening to pop like a balloon at any given moment. But you wanted to hold on, to revel in this moment as long as you could.

Your hands grazed over his shoulders, lightly digging your nails into the skin as he drove into you a little harder. His pace was still tantalizingly slow, though the force with which he showed you how much he loved you, accented with a sharp, loud slap of skin each time, more than made up for it.

It didn't help that you could hear how wet you were with each movement, how aroused he made you and how loved he made you feel. It was something he obviously knew, but being able to hear it, every wet and delicious sound that came from your body as he made love to you like that, praised him better than any words could possibly dream.

Still, he asked you anyway, a means of dirty talk if nothing else. "You hear that, princess? You hear how good I make you feel?"

You buried your face into his neck, incoherently moaning and grumbling out curses as he shifted his hips and angled himself deeper inside you. Your legs were burning from being bent and wrapped around his arms, but somehow that burn only added to the pressure building in your belly. You couldn't help clenching around him, an action which made him groan into your neck.

"Go ahead and come for me, pretty girl," he stuttered out. "I... I know you have to. Let go for me... Give me all you got..."

His words, strained and raspy, coupled with hot kisses to your neck certainly helped you get there, but you wanted more. "But I want you to come with me," you whimpered out, clutching onto his shoulders. "I wanna... be... together again."

To help him out, you clenched around him over and over, giving him a tighter space to work with, and a guttural groan escaped him as his hips started to stutter. "Together..." is all he could coherently get out.

As soon as the word left his lips, you both shattered, trembling and sparking to life with pleasure. He spilled over inside of you, white hot and thick. It was a feeling you missed dearly, the dreams of it never able to fully satiate your need for him. In turn your walls fluttered around him and you whined into his shoulder, bringing your hands up to grip his hair as his cock twitched inside of you and gave you everything he had to offer. You clung to the feeling as long as you could, rolling your hips up to keep it all in and ride out your high to the fullest extent.

In fact, you were pretty sure that even by the end, when he'd slumped over on top of you and loosened your legs, you were still orgasming, a low burn settling in your stomach as you kept clenching around him, almost like you were trying to drink him up into you like a milkshake through straw.

"B—Baby, I'm gonna... come again if you keep that up," Spencer stuttered, his hands combing through your hair now as his lips pressed into your neck.

You only hummed in response, wrapping your legs around his waist and hooking your ankles over his ass. You kept contracting slowly around him, rolling your hips upwards, even as his warm cum started to spill out of you. Soon enough, he was doing it again, filling you up with warmth and love, his mouth open and hot on the skin of your neck as he did so, muttering your name over and over.

Eventually you loosened your hold on him, every muscle in your body relaxing and falling to the bed with a low tingle of numbness. With Spencer kissing softly over your neck and up to your mouth, you were the most content you'd been in months.

You must have stayed in bed for hours, even though he tried to tell you that you should probably clean up. You only grumbled in response, holding him tighter to you and burying your face into his neck. Still, he laid there, rubbing your head and clinging to you anyways, finally glad to be home.

And even though you were technically home, it never really felt that way when he was gone— To be home was to be near him. And you never wanted to leave his side again, even though realistically you knew you'd need to be separated eventually.

But for now, you could be near him like he was never going to leave, reveling in the warmth and comfort that his arms provided.

And with you he could do the same.

***

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[benedictscanvas]

sage-coloured glasses - spencer reid x reader

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral!Reader

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: This is just a barrel of soft cardigans thrown in your face, with just the smallest mention of nightmares

A/N: This is technically a 2nd part to ‘a shared heart’, but there are only vague mentions of it and this can easily be read on its own. I simply wanted some soft Spence in his natural habitat and I hope this can be of some comfort to you too, if you’re in need of it <3

---

His hair was oh-so-soft underneath your fingertips but the thought felt forbidden. You hadn’t expected him to have soft hair. It always looked soft, yes, the small, unruly strands that he regularly curled behind his ear looked like the fluffy hair of a man who felt most at home in a library and wore cardigans. But in the line of work you were in, you were used to things having hard edges and sharp corners.

Not Spencer’s hair. It delivered on its visual promise as you slowly wove your fingers through the strands and tattooed the memory of them into your skin, let it sink into your very bones. When his head had hit your lap on your flight back home with a murmured question of permission, it had been like a magnet. Your hand was in his hair before you even gave him your answer, but it was an answer in itself.

“‘Course, Spence.”

A reassurance. His only response was a grateful hum as he tucked his legs up onto the sofa and you shuffled to make as much room for him as you could. You were slightly falling off the end of the sofa, getting cramp in your toes as you put your weight into your left foot to keep yourself in place. The armrest was digging into your hip and it should have been uncomfortable.

And yet, it wasn’t. Not when you lightly scritch-scratched at his scalp and he turned further into you, the curve of his nose pressing into your knee. Comfort wrapped itself around you like a warm blanket and you could only hope he was swathed in it too.

“Sleep,” you mumbled a few moments later, “I’ll wake you when we land.”

Silence. A rustle of fabric as he brought his arm up from his side, graced your knee with a feather-light squeeze then let his hand rest against your knee, right by his nose. A relieved exhale.

Twenty minutes passed. His breaths were deep and even, bordering on a snore every once in a while. Your fingers hadn’t stilled their dance through his hair, although they had slowed down in time with the rise and fall of his chest. Your neck ached and your heart did too.

Emily crept over with some paperwork after another ten. You reached over and took it with a nod and a smile, grateful that she kept silent too as she returned to her seat next to Derek. There was a little nudging and whispering as she sat back down, Dave turning in his seat to glance back at the two of you sporting a smirk that spoke volumes. No matter, as long as Spencer’s shoulder kept digging into your thigh for the rest of eternity.

It was tricky to complete the paperwork over his head without anything to lean on except your own hand. Another worthwhile sacrifice. Cases like this one were difficult for everyone. It was the type of case that set up camp in your mind in preparation for the nightmares that it would guest star in for the weeks to come. When you relayed that analogy to Spencer a few months ago, he’d laughed. Only someone who understood the feeling could laugh like that.

“Sorry I crashed on you,” Spencer spoke up just as you were forging his signature on a document that you’d all have to sign in time. He’d done it for you before, an unspoken agreement to save each other time.

(it was similar to the unspoken agreement to care when no one else had the time to, or the silent pact to share ‘good morning’ muffins whenever they were available, or the wordless understanding that he was your person and you were his)

You glanced down at him and were surprised to see that he’d rolled to lie on his back, just to stare up at you. Your hand was, embarrassingly, still carding through his hair each time you placed your pen between your teeth to read something through and you couldn’t imagine the angle he was staring from was your most flattering. Still, his eyes sparkled under the overhead aeroplane lights, which you wouldn’t have thought possible. It was likely a matter of perspective.

“Don’t be,” you waved him away, focusing your attention back on the paper in your hand before you gave it all away. Your hand fell limp in his hair, if only because you were too stubborn to remove it. Removing it now, after all, would only be an obvious admission of something you had been failing to hide for months now, “I’ve been told I have a comfy lap.”

“By whom?”

“Cats, mostly.”

He huffed a small laugh that travelled right the way up your spine.

“Cats are intelligent,” he mused quietly, resting his hands on his stomach, one on top of the other. A grounding technique that made you blink, “You can’t be comfortable though, doing paperwork like this.”

“What can I say? I’m a generous person.”

He hummed in lieu of an answer, but you could tell he felt guilty for the position he’d put you in. If only he could see that you were practically hanging off the seat, see the ridge that the armrest was definitely imprinting into your side, then he’d really feel guilty, but of course, that was the last thing you wanted him to feel.

(of course, there was also a part of you that dreamt of apologies whispered into your skin, of fingers skimming over fabric, of delicate kisses pressed to your hip-bone. of a guilt that melts away with each murmured confession of adoration. of a blissful atonement for a sin you’d already forgiven)

“Honestly, Spence, you’re fine. I would’ve moved you if I was uncomfortable.”

And you would have moved by now if you really felt that bad, you thought to yourself, relishing in the fact that he hadn’t moved yet, that you could still feel his gaze on your chin as you pretended to skim over the words on the page, once, twice, once again.

“You want me to take over paperwork duty?”

“I told you to sleep,” you said instead, “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I did sleep, for at least 30 minutes, which we both know is good for my standards.”

His rebuttal was punctuated by his hands both reaching up, making grabbing motions towards the stack of papers you were pouring through. Knowing how much faster he would be at getting through whatever was left, you heaved the pile into his hands with a sigh and watched as he held them up in front of his face and began reading, blocking your view of him entirely. It was impossible not to feel cheated.

When he reached a section he had to write in, he held his hand up for a pen. You gave him one from your jacket pocket rather than the one that had been in your mouth, knowing that he would be grateful if he knew. When he’d finished scribbling, you’d take the pen back from him, lean your head against the headrest until the cycle repeated. Occasionally he shuffled his head in your lap and your hand would slide a little further into his hair, but nothing was said. You took it as a cue to stay right where you were.

As expected, he finished the paperwork far sooner than you would have done. When he reached behind his head to put it on the table next to you, you took it from him before he could pull a muscle in his shoulder and he muttered his thanks. Now you could see him again, it was difficult to fight off a smile. Maybe the paperwork in the way had been more beneficial than you thought.

Briefly, you wondered how many of your signatures he’d forged in the documents he’d gone through, wondered how much better he was at forgery than you, but you didn’t check the paperwork in case he thought you were checking his work was up to par.

“You just saved me an hour’s work,” you sighed happily, “My angel once again.”

It was a nickname that had stuck around. From the time he’d shared his muffin around a month ago, you couldn’t shake the sentiment off. Not only had you grown closer - bolder - in that time, you’d also adjusted your language accordingly. Angel made a regular appearance, if only to bring the dusty pink to his cheeks that you treasured.

“It’s nothing, you know that,” he insisted, that very same pink blooming up his neck as you basked in the glow, “Besides, you’d done half already.”

He was being ridiculously kind, because you’d be surprised if you’d made it a third of the way through. There was no use arguing it, because compliments were far from Spencer’s strong suit and you’d already got the upper hand using the word angel. Better to agree to disagree.

“Thank you anyway,” you decided would be a good compromise, and from the smile on his face as he stared up at you, it seemed he agreed. It was funny that agreeing to disagree with Spencer mostly just felt like being on the same book, same page, same line. Unfortunately, you couldn’t quite tell exactly which word he’d gotten to, because if you did, you might have kissed him a long time ago.

(and goodness had you thought about it enough times)

When he abruptly sat up from his place in your lap, you suppressed your whine of disapproval as best you could, but there was still a small noise of disappointment that you couldn’t contain. He smiled at the sound, face the right way up now with lines and grooves in all the right places, around his eyes, his mouth, his cheeks. Smile lines are notoriously pretty on people whose smiles are the highlight of your very existence.

“I’m not as comfy as you thought, hm?” you teased, mainly to prevent him from seeing any of the hurt shining in your eyes. He saw it anyway.

“Nope,” he said easily, already sliding all the way over to the other side of the sofa, each inch of distance deepening your frown, “Now I, on the other hand, have it on far better authority that I provide a comfortable lap experience.”

“And whose authority would that be?”

“Henry, of course, and I know you trust his judgement above all others. Come on.”

He actually patted his lap and the swooping of your chest was enough to make you slightly lightheaded.

“Are you sure?”

He gave you a withering look that gave you no choice but to scoot over towards him. Lying down, you mirrored his previous position as your head came to tentatively rest in the little dip between his thighs, as near to his knees as you could get without becoming uncomfortable. He was unspeakably warm and it seeped into your very soul.

“Better?”

“You’re not that comfy.”

A lie. Blatant to both parties as you snuggled into him a little more, allowing his leg to take the weight of your neck. Before you knew it, his hand was resting in your hair too and even though you knew it wasn’t as soft as his, you hoped it was enough. It didn’t move, save for the sporadic slow sweep of his thumb through the strands, but it didn’t matter. He was always more than enough, after all.

“Sleep. I’ll wake you when we land.��

His words were an exact repeat of your own. There was no chance of a long sleep, not with your nerve endings flaring at each and every point of contact between the two of you, but there was also no use arguing. Rest, in place of sleep, was better than nothing. You smiled up at him one last time before closing your eyes, drifting into a half-slumber that consisted mostly of vague musings about the individual notes of his cologne.

Occasionally, when you simply couldn’t help yourself, you’d open one eye, maybe even two, and peek up at him. He looked ethereal, even from this angle. It was likely a matter of perspective.

(it just so happened that spencer thought you looked positively celestial from all twenty seven of the angles he had painstakingly catalogued into his memory. that was likely a matter of perspective too)

---

if you made it this far, thank you for reading! i’m not currently tagging people, since i was away for a while and i don’t want to tag people who are no longer interested - if you would like to be tagged in my fics from now on, send in an ask and i can add you to a main taglist or a character-specific one <3

[stylesberries]

Rainbow Cardigan

Summary: Harry loses his favorite cardigan. You learn how to knit. (Based on the JW Anderson cardigan knitting trend.)

Genre(s): fluff, a sexual innuendo

Word Count: 2.1k

Warning(s): mentions of sexual intercourse.

Harry’s sense of style is one of the main things that make people around automatically drowns to him. High waisted flares, custom Gucci suits and newsboy caps - Harry in a nutshell.

His style is so distinctive, that even if his face and tattoos were covered, people around would still recognize him just by looking at his outfit.

You, of course, are one of the many fans of Harry’s style. Being his girlfriend had its benefits. Getting to steal his clothes was, obviously, on top of the list.

“Sweetheart!” Harry calls out for you from the bedroom.

You got up from your place in the living room, following your boyfriend’s voice. You knew that if he just wanted to tell you something, he would’ve texted. He clearly needs you to come up to him, so that’s exactly what you do.

Going up the stairs, you kept thinking about who could be the killer in the new detective series episode you’ve been watching.

When you reached your bedroom, your eyes trailed right to your worrying boyfriend, who was walking in circles around the room with his brows furrowed and in deep thought.

“Love, is everything okay? You seem upset.” You gently started.

He really looked frustrated, and you had no idea what was the reason behind it. He would always take every hardship light-heartedly, knowing that everything can be solved and everything can be fixed, and if that’s not the case, he would say, “Well, that’s what life’s about, isn’t it? It can’t always be easy. That’s the beauty of it.” Your mind started walking in circles just like your distraught boyfriend, thinking about anything that could’ve caused him to react this way.

“Y/N, I think I lost m’rainbow cardigan.”

Then it hit you. He really loved that cardigan. It wasn’t just adorable, warm and cozy. He wore it for your first date, and being someone who imbues everything with meaning and gets emotionally attached to things, his reaction wasn’t surprising to you.

“My dear, I’m sure we will find it. Come on. I’ll help you lo-”He cut you off full of sadness and frustration.

“I’ve already looked everywhere, and I mean everywhere. I’ve looked in every room, on every shelf. I looked under every couch, just in case. I even checked the stove. Like, come on, it could never be there, but I still looked! I don’t know what t’do. I always take it along wherever I go. If I am here and it’s not - I lost it. I fucking lost it. Y/N, what do I do? Where else could I look?” He was full-on bawling now. You couldn’t help but cut the distance separating you short and hug him.

“Don’t worry, Har. We will find it. I know how much it means to you. We’ll find it.” You kept repeating it. Although, your voice was muffled by his hair, he caught every word leaving your mouth.

“I cannot lose it. I can’t. What if it’s lost forever? How could I let it out of my sight?” The sight of him so genuinely saddened by the situation made you let out a sigh. You were full of compassion and understanding, trying to remember the last time you saw the poor cardigan. Failing to do so, you turned to your crushed boyfriend and tried to get information out of him.

“When did you last see it, baby? Do you remember?” You carefully asked, trying your best not to push him even more. Judging by his appearance, you knew that he could easily beat himself up for losing the cardigan to a point of having an anxiety attack, and that was the last thing you wanted right now.

You watched him slowly breathe air in and out, trying to slow his heart rate down.

“I haven’t seen it for over a week. The last time I’ve seen it was at the studio, I think. I put it on t’go there. It was cold that day.” He explained.

You remembered exactly what day he was talking about. He went to the studio early and you missed him a lot, so when he came back home you jumped on him, which later on led to a heated make out session. The thing was that you didn’t remember taking the cardigan off of him that day.

“Har.” You tried to be as gentle as you possibly could, but you knew that there wasn’t anything that could make him feel better about losing something so dear to him.

“Yeah?” He took a step back and looked at your saddened face.

“I’m afraid you came home without the cardigan.”

After having your crying-your-eyes-out-because-of-a-piece-of-clothing session, you were determined to find the cardigan. Knowing that Harry just went to the studio and back that day, you did the same. Harry asked everyone working at the studio if they’ve seen the cardigan, and with every new person your hope withered more and more. As you asked more people and tried to track the cardigan down, you realized that it was probably lost on a bench he sat on by the studio, to drink his morning coffee. That meant that you’ll never see it again. Understanding the hopelessness of the situation, Harry gave up looking.

Seeing your Harry walking around the house completely destroyed by the situation, you couldn’t help, but think about a way to make him feel better.

He would skip his morning runs to sulk in the bed, cuddled up in the blankets with his feet tangled with yours. Harry was never one to skip any part of his daily routine, so you understood how attached he was to the lost cardigan.

One night, after you both finished your dinner and went to watch some rom-com in the living room, your grandmother called. You apologized to Harry and answered the call.

As you gave her an update on your life these days, Harry cuddled closed into your side and let his eyes close.

Your grandmother asked you about everything, starting from what you had for breakfast to how your university project was going.

In couple of minutes Harry started lightly snoring into your ear. Next thing you know she’s telling you about the new blanket that she knitted.

Then an idea came to your mind. You’ll knit him a new cardigan.

Next day was spent shopping for yarn and needles and watching knitting tutorials. The fact that Harry was out in the studio made it even easier for you to bring your ideas to life.

In the beginning you found it a little hard, but with a little motivation you knitted a couple of colorful squares, just like the ones in Harry’s precious cardigan.

The image of the cardigan mostly came from your head, but whenever you needed a reference you could type “Harry Styles Rainbow Cardigan” into Google and freshen the memories.

It took you some time to get the cardigan together, knitting every little square with the other, making sure everything is as neat as possible.

You felt bad for lying to your sweetheart, but you had to admit - it was fun running around hiding your surprise from him.

When the cardigan was ready, you took a look at your creation.

Although, it wasn’t the same as the one you both had so many memories with, it was made with love, coming straight from your heart.

You finished the last touches at about 7 o’clock, and Harry was supposed to come home a bit later today due to a meeting with the management. You waited for him until late evening and found a box to put your little creation into.

After folding the wrapping paper around the box and tying a bow from the ends of the yellow ribbon, that was now wrapped around the sides of the box, you laid down in your bed and picked up an unread book to finally finish it.

In an hour or so your exhausted boyfriend stepped into the house. You could head his steps coming from outside of the bedroom. By the time he came back home, the book found its way back on the side table, as you wrapped the blanket around yourself to mimic the warmth of missing Harry.

Harry walked into the room slowly, making sure he doesn’t step on certain creaking planks in the floor, not to wake you up. He carefully undressed himself and folded the corner of the blanket to get under it. As he carefully positioned himself next to you, you turned around, making sure not to take him by surprise and scare the living shit out of him.

“You’re so late, love. Did something happen?” You asked, hoping that everything was okay with the upcoming tour. Your mind didn’t view anything else as a possibility because you trusted him completely. You knew you had nothing to worry about, as he proved his loyalty to you enough for you not to have any doubts about it.

“Jeff kept me a bit late, m’precious. We were going through the tour schedule. I’m sorry I made y’worry, baby.” He wrapped his arm around your waist and pressed a kiss on your temple. You let him shower you with more and more kisses, before you remembered the box you hid in the closet. You eyes abruptly opened and Harry caught the look of realization on your face.

“What happened, bean? Not in the mood?” He made sure to ask you.

You got up from the bed, pushing his hands off of you, and walked right to the closet.

“Baby? Is everything alright?” Harry was confused over the way you were acting.

You left his questions unanswered and grabbed the box, after opening the doors of the closet looking for it. You walked back up to the bed, but now from Harry’s side. He seemed completely oblivious of what was coming next and, obviously, awaited for an explanation.

“It’s a present. For you.” You now let yourself smile at him, after putting on a show to freak him out. You let out a laugh after seeing Harry look insulted by the way you played with his feelings.

“You’re a meanie. That’s not cute. Was gonna make love to you just now, but I am no longer going to do so.” Harry ended the dramatically long sentence with a theatrical frown.

Despite the little show he put on for you, he couldn’t help but keep looking at the box, laying in front of him.

“What’s that?” He curiously asked.

“Open and see for yourself.” You moved closer to him, with only the box separating you.

Harry carefully unwrapped the bow, making sure he doesn’t rip the paper you carefully wrapped. Something so small, almost unnoticeable, but another thing you loved about this man. There was love in every little gesture and move of his. He could’ve just torn the paper and the ribbon off, acting on his curiosity, but he didn’t. He knew you took time to make it look pretty for him, and he wouldn’t ruin your creation, even if it’s just wrapping paper.

When Harry got to opening the box, he looked up at you, as if asking for your permission. You nodded, smile grazing your face.

As the lid came off the box and the bright colors of the carefully knitted cardigan started gleaming from the light, coming from the lamp on the bedside table, Harry’s facial expression turned from curiosity to utter shock. Noticing his surprise, you chose to speak up.

“I made it myself. I knew how heartbroken you were after losing that cardigan, so I thought - maybe I could knit it for you. I know it’s not perfect, but it would make me very happy if you kept it.” You nervously blabbered, thinking that he didn’t seem as happy as you thought he would be.

“You knitted it yourself?” He looked up at you in shock with tearful eyes, as his hands finally let themself touch the buttons of the item.

“I did. I watched tutorials on YouTube. Thanks to those, I learned how to knit.” You joked, trying to lighten up the atmosphere.

“You learned how to knit to make this for me?” His voice turned raspy, as it always did when he got emotional and he looked like he desperately needed a hug.

So that’s what you gave him.

“Come here, my love. Please don’t cry. I didn’t knit it to make you sad. I wanted to make you happy.” You cooed into his ear.

Harry held onto you with such need and desperation, that you haven’t seen him show before. He squeezed you closer, his hands still keeping hold of the knitted piece.

“You made me so happy. You make me so fucking happy.”

© all right belong to stylesberries. do not repost or modify.

[reidgraygubler]

hot cocoa and cuddles part two (spencer reid/reader)

Title:  hot cocoa & cuddles (part 2) Request: no Couple: Spencer Reid/Gender Neutral!Reader  Category: fluff Content Warning: swearing (if any), mentions of a case/s, mentions of illnesses, tbh idk what else to tag Word Count: 2,348 Summary: the team returns back to maryland/dc after the case in alaska. reader discovers they still can’t warm up, even after everything they do. spencer tries to help out, again A/N: the long awaited part 2 of hot cocoa and cuddles. this is for the people who want to read part two and those who were looking forward to it… o.o thanks for all the love and support! Check out my masterlist! 

part one

{***}{***}{***}

I pulled my sweater cardigan tighter around my body and shivered slightly. I pulled my hands away from my sweater and wrapped them around my hot mug, which was just hot tea. My eyes de-focused on the desktop in front of me. Anything Penelope and Aaron were saying went in one ear and out the other.

“You okay there, Honeybee?” Derek asked, looking over at me. I shivered and looked over at him. All eyes were on me as I tried to make myself not shake from my freezing-ness. “We’ve said your name like 6 times.”

“We’ve been home for 2 weeks and I am still freezing,” I spoke through clenched teeth. I wrapped my hands around my mug, which was slowly getting colder. “I have done literally everything to keep warm, and I’m still freezing.” I shook my head. 

“Maybe you should get a cat,” Emily spoke up. I looked over at her and furrowed my eyebrows. “Sergio keeps me pretty warm at night.” She smiled at me. I laughed lightly and shook my head.

“My apartment doesn’t allow pets,” I mumbled and stared at the table. I shrugged and shook my head. “I guess I just live in this constant state of forever being cold.” I frowned.

“Maybe you should get your blood check. You could have low iron,” Spencer spoke up, tapping his fingers on the tabletop. I looked over at him and shook my head. “Being cold can be a symptom of low iron… You could be anemic... hypothyroidism is always a possibility,” he continued on his ramble/.

“Hey, Spence?" I asked as I looked at him, my hands wrapping tighter around my mug, which at this point was starting to get lukewarm. 

“Yeah." He looked over at me with a smile. 

“I don’t think I need you to tell me of my impending doom because I’m cold. I went to Alaska, not a hospital filled with a bunch of sickly people,” I whispered. Spencer lifted his finger to retort but failed when I shot him a glare. 

“Get a boyfriend.” JJ smiled at me. I looked at her, trying to hide my smile but clearly failing. “Like your own personal space heater in bed. Body heat is a wonderful thing,” she mused as she flipped her file open. I shook my head as I glanced at Spencer. 

“Yeah, I’ll look into getting a boyfriend or my own personal space heater. Although, I’m not entirely sure if my apartment will allow those,” I pouted. JJ laughed and shook her head.

“Hey, Honeybee, I’m always free if you need a personal space heater.” Derek smirked at me. I laughed harder than I should have and looked at him.

“You seriously expect me to sleep in the same bed as you, Derek Morgan?” I cackled and shook my head. Spencer shifted in his seat and kept his eyes down on the file in front of him. 

“You shared a bed with Pretty Boy over there.” Derek nodded to my friend beside me. I tensed up slightly and glared at him.

“Better him than you, to be honest.” I flashed him a teasing smile. 

“Guys, let’s get back on the task at hand. Garcia,” Aaron spoke up as he looked back at Penelope. I stifled my laughter as I looked back at Derek. He grumbled something under his breath as he looked back at his file. 

{***}{***}{***}

I swear my heater was up so high (or as high as my bill would allow), I had my fluffiest and coziest pair of socks on, and at least 3 different sized hoodies on… The Alaska case was several weeks ago, I’ve been home ever since then… So why am I as cold as I am? And why can’t I warm up? Maybe I should take Derek up on his offer. Though, I think that’d be a whole new line I’d cross. Hard pass, thank you very much.

I should be asleep right now. 1:30 in the morning and I was sitting in bed with a hot water bottle pressed to my body. Something is wrong and I don’t know what. Crap, what if Spencer was right? What if I do have low iron or anemia? Or that hydro… Hypothyroidism, whatever that could be… I should ask him what that means. I wonder if he would be willing to be my personal space heater again. I mean, I know I kept him warm every bit as he kept me warm when we were in Alaska. And, he knows I’ve been cold. Listen, I’m just trying to rationalize wanting to cuddle Spencer Reid. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t stopped thinking about that. And, I wouldn’t be upset if it happened again.

“Screw this,” I muttered as I climbed out of bed with a blanket around my body. I shook my head as I muttered profanities under my breath. My body shook as I walked towards the front door of my apartment. I slipped my shoes on and left the house, freezing as I left my warm home. 

And then I found myself standing just outside of Spencer’s apartment. Better him over Derek, I kept repeating to myself. I have a better relationship with him than Derek. Derek is more of an older brother to me. Spencer... I don’t know what he is to me. But he definitely isn't an older brother...

“Just… knock,” I whispered as I brought my fist to the door. It’s nearly two in the morning. I hope he wasn’t asleep. Although, knowing Spencer he was probably awake, reading over some old files. 

“What… What are you doing here?” Spencer’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. I blinked before staring at him. He was wearing a black t-shirt and red and black checkered pj pants. Though his hair was messy and disheveled, he was definitely not asleep.  

“Just… Just coming to see how you’re doing,” I lied and shrugged. Spencer looked at me, raising an eyebrow. It was clear he wasn’t so sure of my answer. But to be fair, I wasn’t sure about my answer either.

“What’s really going on?” he asked, stepping to the side, silently inviting me in. I looked around his apartment and took a deep breath. His home always smelled like cinnamon and spice. I probably enjoyed it too much. Although, it made me feel warm… Which I was okay with. Answering Spencer’s question didn’t even cross my mind until I turned back and looked at him. “Is everything okay?” he asked again once I was facing him. I took a deep breath as I tugged on the ends of my sleeves.

“Uh, I was just… I was just thinking about the Alaska trip.” I wrinkled my nose as I looked anywhere but Spencer’s face. I was only mildly embarrassed that I was here… asking Spencer if he would want to cuddle with me… because I’m so cold. Man, I’m happy Spencer isn’t the teasing type. Not that he’d tease me about this. I know that anyone else would though… 

“What about the Alaska trip?” Spencer looked at me, his tone telling me he was very wary about my statement. I looked at the ground and shrugged.

“Just something you said, I guess,” I started as I looked at him, “Well, something you said earlier today,” I shrugged as I looked back down at the ground. I really wanted my blanket and hot water bottle. Even though I was warmer in his apartment, I was still cold. “Could I really be sick? Is that why I’m so cold?” I asked, folding my arms over my chest as I looked back at him. A shiver worked its way down my body and all the way to the tips of my toes and fingers. 

“Come on, I’m gonna make you hot chocolate, and then we’re gonna go lay in my bed, under the covers.” He held a hand out for me to take. I stared at it for a moment before carefully resting my hand in his. He clasped his fingers around mine before leading me to his kitchen.

“You didn’t answer my questions, Spencer. You know more than anyone that avoiding a question means your keeping something from someone.” I watched as he made two large mugs of hot cocoa.  

He still didn’t answer my questions as we walked towards his bedroom. And, in fact, he was silent up until I was sitting beside him on the bed, holding my mug of hot chocolate close to my body. Even though I was now in a warmer home, with a hot drink, several blankets, and the warmest person I know (despite his sometimes icy hands), I was still very cold. So, I looked over at him, watching as he flipped through the pages of his book.

“Are you going to answer my questions?” I asked, reaching over and placing my mug on the side table. Spencer looked over at me with a raised brow, slightly closing his book. “Am I actually dying?” I asked, feeling a certain fear grow in my tone. 

“You’re not dying,” he said as he folded the corner of the page in his book before closing it. I watched as he set it on his side table. 

“You don’t sound very convincing.” I shrugged, pulling one of my several blankets tighter around me. Spencer looked over at me and raised an eyebrow. He carefully gestured for me to move closer to him, and when I hesitated, he pulled me closer to him.

“You’re not dying. You’re not sick. You’re just cold. Everyone knows you’re probably the one who gets cold the most. Even when we were in Florida, you were cold,” Spencer said as he kept his arms around my body, holding me close to his. His body temperature was definitely warming me up, just like it had a few weeks prior.

“Hey! That’s because the stupid officers had the A/C on 65! It was freezing!” I moved away from him and looked at his face. I could feel a giggly smile grow on my face as I kept my eyes on him. “You giving me your sweater was like a gift from God.” I looked down at him. 

“I think that’s the fourth sweater that’s gone missing?” He copied my smile before laughing. I looked away from him, trying to play innocent. “And the only common denominator is you.” Spencer poked my nose before he pulled me back closer to him. I rolled my eyes before curling back into his side. The goosebumps that were once on my arms and exposed skin, were now fading away the longer I stayed beside Spencer.

“If it makes you feel any better, they were quite warm.” I smiled. I left out the part that I enjoyed that they smelled like him. “And, I’ll return them washed,” I added, again leaving out that I’ll be sad that they won’t hold his scent. 

“If they weren’t my favorite sweaters, I would say keep them. But I’m rather fond of two of those.” Spencer looked down at me with a warm smile. I laughed.

“Thanks for letting me in. I know it’s late. I promise I won’t make this a habit,” I laughed as I looked out onto the blankets in front of me. Part of me wondered what temperature Spencer had his furnace on, and how it was so warm. Mostly because my furnace was on pretty high and it was still like an icebox in my apartment. 

“It’s okay, really. You should work on getting a portable heater for your house and desk just so they warm up faster,” Spencer suggested.

I almost, very nearly, said “But then that’d mean I can’t come over anymore,” But I didn’t. So, I just stayed silent.

“Like Garcia said, your own personal space heater,” Spencer laughed. Though, I cringed, remembering what Derek had said.

“Yeah? Or I could just get a Derek Morgan.”

“Who would want him as a boyfriend,” he scoffed, sounding mildly hurt with my joke. I looked up at him with furrowed brows before sitting upright. 

“I never said I wanted him as my boyfriend. I was joking that he said he could be my space heater or a boyfriend. I was saying… What I meant was I could get a boyfriend instead. Because, you know…. Cuddling is a good way to-” 

“What if it was me,” he asked, cutting me off so swiftly. I had to look at him to make sure he actually said what he said, because he was so quiet and he said it so fast, I almost wasn’t sure.

“You want…” I furrowed my eyebrows, again, as I stared at him. Spencer was looking down at the blankets, probably wondering to himself if he actually said what he said. “Spencer, if you wanted to ask me out all you had to do was ask.” Okay, I was definitely warming up a lot faster now, feeling my blood rush from a sudden secondhand embarrassment that I didn’t really want to feel.

“It’s a lot more than that,” he muttered as he looked at me. I furrowed my eyebrows before reaching a hand up to his face. I carefully guided him so he was looking right at me. 

“It really isn’t… Like, ask me a question, any question.” I smiled, feeling my fingertips warm up under the warmth of his skin.

“Can I kiss you,” he asked, his voice very soft. I smiled before nodding, feeling a newfound excitement flood my body. Spencer lifted his hands and cupped my face, warming my cheeks instantly, before leaning closer to me. 

As his lips connected with mine, I finally felt warm for the first time in weeks. His arms holding me close to his body, like he became my own personal space heater, again. I could sense that he knew I was warming up because when he pulled away from me and looked down at me, he was smiling.

“I’d be okay if I made a habit of this.” Spencer nodded as he carefully ran a hand through my hair. I couldn’t help but laugh again.

“Good.” I smiled before pressing my lips to his for a moment, “Because I could too.”

if you want to be a part of a taglist or have any comments about this one shot, let me know here

[harryhandstan]

This is my contribution to @meetmeinfleetwood​‘s “to lovers” fic challenge! I chose the trope roommates to lovers and the prompt “I think I’m in love with you and I don’t know what to do.” This was fun to write thank you for allowing me to participate!

Thank you to my beta readers @tbslenthusiast​, @witch-harry​, and @sunflowers-styles​! Y’all are the best!!

no warnings that I can think of other than alcohol tw // bc of the wine they share!

word count: 2.3k

writing tag | masterlist

It’s 5:45 p.m. when you finally leave work for the day. You should’ve just said to hell with it and went home at 5:30 like you were supposed to, but you were nice enough not to. Too nice you’d been told in the past, but it’s a flaw you’re willing to accept if it gets you a promotion to the position you ultimately dreamed of working when you started there 3 years ago.

After a quick stop to grab a bottle of wine (or two), your car can’t get you home fast enough. It’s Friday and you’re looking forward to spending time doing absolutely nothing for the next two days but curling up in a blanket and watching Christmas movies in the apartment you will essentially be alone in. Your roommate Harry shared the space with you, but kept to himself for the most part. Aside from dinners and movie nights on rare occasions when your schedule lined up, allowing you to spend the evening together.

As if your thoughts summoned him, your phone dinged, indicating a new message. Your eyes dart down to where it sits in the passenger seat, careful to keep your eyes on the car in front of you, waiting patiently for the light to turn red so you can grab your phone to respond.

It’s one simple word, “Home?” so you know he’s either still working or on his own drive home. 

Your reply is just as direct, “Not yet. On my way! Movie night?” 

The light’s green again so you tuck your phone back into your purse, ignoring the next ding until you arrive home. You’re through the door of your apartment and down the hall before you read his message, “Sure. Chinese or pizza?” 

“Chinese! I’ll pick the movie and you pay for dinner?”

“That doesn’t sound fair :(”

“Alright fine, you get home before I’m out of the shower and in my pajamas you can pick the movie..deal?”

“Deal!”

The race is on then, both of you competitive and determined to win. You have a movie in mind that you’ve been dying to watch all day and you don’t want to have to rock-paper-scissors to break the tie like you usually do when the two of you don’t agree on who wins  these little games. 

You’d already shed most of your layers of clothing easily as you moved through the apartment; your boots kicked off by the door, jacket gone and thrown over the back of one of the kitchen chairs, cardigan pulled from your body and tossed on the bed by the time you made it to your bedroom. It doesn’t take long to strip the rest away and to gather a set of pajamas from your well organized drawer before darting across the hall to the shared bathroom.

You know you have at minimum 45 minutes to be done, an hour if he goes to the better Chinese place a little further across town, which he most likely would. You’d been dreaming of ending your week with a bubble bath, but you don’t take the chance now, just hop under the hot spray of the shower, hoping it will have the same relaxing effect. Your eyes are closed as you tilt your head back to wet your hair while one hand fumbles over the bottles to find your shampoo. 

Eyes still closed, you tip the bottle to add a bit to your hand, but you freeze when you open your eyes temporarily to close the bottle and put it back on the shelf. It’s Harry’s shampoo you’ve grabbed instead and for a moment you don’t know what to do. You don’t know how many times you’ve teased him about how expensive his products are. But he would never let you hear the end of it if he came home and you smelled like him. Ultimately you would’ve felt too guilty to waste it, so you work it through and hope he never finds out. Pray that the act washes away just like the suds do when you rinse them from your hair. 

By your hopeful calculations, you still have about 10 minutes left before he arrives by the time you're done in the shower. You decide to give him a fair advantage, venturing into the kitchen to decide which bottle of wine would pair best with dinner. When you make your selection, you pour yourself a glass, settling into a comfy spot on the couch. The black remote taunts you from the small wooden coffee, and you grab it. No harm in getting the movie ready while you wait, right?

You’re 2 glasses deep and 20 minutes into the movie when he arrives, a smirk on his face at the sight of you. Your eyes go wide when you see him. You’re not sure why, there had been many nights he’d found you in the same position, but tonight feels different. You gulp down the sip of wine, too tipsy and unaware that you’re staring. Had his dimples always been that prominent when he smiled? Even without your glasses you could spot that grin that stretched a mile wide across his face.

“Haroldddd..you’re home!”

He hated that nickname, had always despised when other people called him that, but falling from your lips it sounds like a prayer and he would gladly change his name to that if he thought it would make you the least bit happy.

“S’pose I lost, huh? Got the food pretty quickly but stopped to get this,” He holds up a bottle of wine, ironically the very same kind that you’re drinking now, “Shoulda known y’would already have some!”

“Oh good, you got some for yourself..this one’s almost empty..”

“M’not that late, am I?” He chuckles as he makes his way to the counter, looking between you and the bottle.

“Hey..it’s a small bottle! This is only my third glass and I’ve barely even touched it.”

“Rough day?” He’s pulling plates down now and retrieving a glass for himself from the cabinet.

“Rough week. Rough few weeks, really.” You take a few more sips as you watch him prepare a plate of food. You figure he’s just making his own, and you wait patiently for him to finish so you won’t be in the way. But when he makes his way around the counter, he’s holding two plates in his hand and wow you want to jump from your spot and kiss him. You restrain yourself, as hard as it may be, and try to focus on the question he’s asking you.

He holds the plates towards the table and then towards where you sit on the couch, silently wanting to know where you’d prefer to enjoy your meal. You pat the spot next to you, inviting him to move closer, knowing how much effort it would take to lift yourself from your warm, comfy spot to go eat at the table.

“Emily still on vacation?” 

“Yes! And she expects us to do double the work while she’s gone! It’s her 3rd vacation this year. I know she’s the boss but..”

“Doesn’t mean she has to be a bitch to you.” He finishes your sentence for you, brow furrowed, upset at even the idea of someone mistreating you in the slightest. 

“Right! Thank you!” 

You hold your hand out to accept the plate he’s made for you, “Got our usual, hope that’s alright.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. I was just joking earlier about you paying for all of it. I’ll pay you back for my half.”

He’s already shaking his head no, stuffing a bite of food in his mouth, “It was my turn anyway, r‘member? You paid for those tacos we had last week.”

“Right, I did. Forgot about that.”

You watch him devour a few more bites, your eyes darting from your plate to his, “Yours looks better.”

“Huh?”

Maybe it’s the wine making you more bold, you’d normally never complain, “Your plate it just..looks better than mine. Switch with me.”

“It’s literally the same thing..and I’ve already eaten half the noodles off mine.” He looks mildly annoyed at even the suggestion.

“Don’t care..it looks better. Switch.” You realized just how bratty you sound, so you add a quick, “Please?”

He huffs dramatically, switching the plates and giving you a sarcastic smile, “Happy?”

You return his smile, blissfully unaware of his annoyance in your tipsy state, “Very, thank you.”

You both turn your attention to the tv you realize now you had forgotten to pause, so the movie had progressed further, about 30 minutes in now.

His irritation has already faded when he asks, “What are y’making me watch?”

You start to explain the plot but stop mid-bite of your food, “Wait..have you never seen this movie?”

He shrugs, “Doesn’t look familiar.”

“Oh we’re definitely starting it over then!” 

“No, ya don’t hafta..”

It’s too late, you’ve already discarded your now mostly empty plate of food, nearly knocking your glass of wine over in your excitement of making him watch one of your favorite movies.

Almost an hour in, you don’t notice that Harry’s eyes have drifted to you. In fact, they’d mostly stayed on you since you’d restarted the movie. Your facial expressions were better to him than any movie; the way your eyes softened at the more heartwarming parts, or when your mouth formed a soft ‘o’ and gasped at parts he was certain you had probably seen at least a dozen times before.

You clasp your hand over your heart dramatically and he doesn’t even flinch, just listens intently when you say, “I love this part..this is the moment.”

His eyes temporarily flash back to the tv then, “The moment?”

“Yeah, you know, the moment. Where the guy looks at the girl and realizes he’s in love.” You sigh deeply, “I always wanted someone to look at me like that.”

Oh, you mean like what’s happening now between us? God he hopes for just a glance from you, a chance to show you that you’re living your own moment now if you’d just look at him. 

It’s tumbling out of his mouth quicker than he can stop it, his mouth working faster than his brain, but it’s a low enough whisper he thinks maybe you won’t hear.

“I think I’m in love with you and I don’t know what to do.”

You do hear him, though you don’t believe it at first. Your hand is still resting over your heart, searching his face for any sign of teasing or dishonesty.

“H..did you just..?”

He’s looking down at his hands, fingers fiddling with one of the rings adorning his fingers, nodding before replying, “I did.” 

“How long?”

“Um..since the first week we’ve lived together? That first night we made dinner together and it was a disaster. Thought you were gonna catch the place on fire.” A giggle escapes him at the memory of you, rushing around the kitchen that night, face flushed red and hair a mess.

“That’s my moment? Almost burning our apartment down?”

“That and now, yeah. Just been strugglin’ with the best way to tell you. S’pose the wine’s making me a lil’ more fearless,'' He takes a deep breath, still not able to look at you in case he finds even a hint of rejection on your face, “But I understand if you don’t feel the same..”

“I do.”

His head snaps to look at you then, eyes widening for a second before he composes himself, “Really?”

You can’t stop the smile that blooms across your face at the sight of the thrill in his eyes. There’s a new buzz of elation in the air, but neither of you make a move at first. A pleasant tension fills the space between the two of you.

You break the silence, “So..what do we do now?”

“S’all up to you how fast and how far we take this. M’all in though, ready when you are, love. A cuddle might be nice while we finish the movie, if you’re up f’that.”

“I think I could handle that. I want something else first though.”

He’s trying to read your mind, thinks he knows exactly what it is, but he wants to hear you say it. Wants to hear the words he’s been waiting to hear for what feels like a lifetime now.

“Kiss me, Harry.”

You’ve already turned your body towards him; the movie, the food and the wine all long forgotten. He clears the space between the two of you easily, a hand on the side of your neck to add just enough pressure to pull you towards him.

Your lips crash against his, noses bumping at first but it doesn’t stop you, it only makes you crave him deeper and closer. You press your knees into his thighs, pushing yourself up so that you hover over him, your hair falling around his face. It’s still slightly damp from the shower, and his hand comes to rest on the back of your head now. 

There’s a smug look on his face when he pulls away, a hand still placed on your hip to hold you steady. He’s still breathless when he asks, “Did you use my shampoo?”

When you wake up in his bed the next morning, you question if last night was a mistake. You don’t regret it, not for a second, just wonder if maybe things will be different in the morning light. 

So when you barely touch the plate of eggs and toast he’s made for you for breakfast, he worries you’re having second thoughts about him, that he’s ruined any friendship you’ve already built by rushing into a relationship. 

So when you say, “Did you really mean what you said last night..about loving me?” He visibly relaxes, dropping his shoulders and beaming at you from across his own breakfast plate.

“Oh, darlin’,” He plucks a piece of uneaten toast from your plate, winking at you as he does, “You don’t know the half of it.” 

[owl-with-a-pen]

Kara had been putting on a brave face all afternoon. Alex figured it would have been a little more obvious to everyone had it not been for the fact that they all were.

Each of them had been affected by the Phantom’s fear visions to some degree, but in typical Super Friends fashion, they’d found the remedy to those fears in each other’s company.

It almost felt too normal, gathering at Kara’s apartment, playing board games, eating and drinking, laughing and pretending that the last few weeks had been nothing but a bad dream.

Nothing was that easy, though, no matter how hard they tried. After all, it didn’t escape Alex that Lena had more than overindulged in her fair share of scotch since her arrival, or that Nia had practically remained glued to Brainy’s side the whole afternoon, fiddling with the life projectors beneath his shirt as they lay curled against each other on the couch. Brainy held her just as tightly in return, as though he was afraid to let her go. It was clear he was way more on edge than normal, hyper-aware of his surroundings, startling at just about any loud noise. So much so that the pop from the champagne cork earlier that day had very nearly sent him reeling right out of the room. After that, Alex had put the group on a strict twist off cap rule for any future bottles that were to be opened in Brainy’s presence.

Alex knew that Kelly had seen something awful there as well, but her girlfriend had been doing everything to keep the morale of the team boosted, instead assuring her that she was working through it on her own terms, and that she wanted Alex to feel comfortable talking to her about her own nightmare as well.

As much as Alex wanted to take Kelly up on that offer - right now - sitting there with her friends, drink in hand and her sister’s head resting on her shoulder… this was how she was getting by. She didn’t need to talk it out, at least not in that moment. Being in the presence of her family, feeling the soft fibres of Kara’s cardigan between her fingers, this was more than enough to keep her fears at bay.

But, she knew that Kara was struggling.

Despite the strength Kara was trying desperately to maintain, Alex could see the strain behind every smile. Even now she was home safe, decked in sweats and curled up under her favourite blanket, it didn’t take from the fact that whatever she’d seen in the Phantom Zone still lived within her. Providing all the comforts in the world wasn’t going to change that.

Still, having a chance to focus on family, junk food and stupid card games was at least beginning to alleviate some of the tension in the room. By the time day rolled into night, the laughter they shared together felt that much more genuine, and Alex was even able to goad Kara into a very competitive, high-stakes game of Trivial Pursuit.

Brainy and Nia won, not like the room stood much of a chance against a twelfth-level intellect who had also taken the opportunity of studying even more pop-culture references since his stint in 2009. But, with the alcohol running through everyone’s systems, the match had been closer than any one before it.

Eventually though, it was time for the Super Friends to head home for the evening. Well, everyone apart from Alex. She’d been pretty clear from the moment game night had been proposed that there was no way in hell she was leaving her sister alone that night.

If anything, Kara had seemed relieved at the idea. Alex knew she was still processing everything that had happened, but the horrors of that place were still fresh on her mind. Maybe she hadn’t been alone, maybe she had found family along the way, but that didn’t take from the awful things Kara had witnessed, even with her father at her side.

Alex wasn’t sure what to think of Zor-El quite yet. J’onn had given him a place to crash at the Tower while he gathered his bearings on Earth, and she knew he’d likely be contacting Argo very soon with the news of his survival. Kara hadn’t spoken much about her father since getting back, but then again, she’d spoken so little about her time in the Phantom Zone that Alex didn’t think it strange. She was looking to move past this.

They all were.

Just… moving past it wasn’t going to be as easy as they were hoping for. Kelly was already trying to encourage everyone into a group session to talk things out, although the bottle of wine she’d toted had probably made her sound a little too eager about the idea at the time. In any case, Alex hadn���t missed how Kara had shrunk into the sofa at the suggestion, or how quickly she’d diverted the subject before Kelly had a chance to go into any details.

She’d have to talk to someone eventually, and privately Alex hoped that Kara might let her in. Since Brainy and Nia had gone back in time, Alex couldn’t help but fall back to those years when she’d left Kara behind for college, how anchored she’d still felt to her sister’s life even from miles away. There were times she’d blamed Kara for everything in her life that wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t take from the moments, however small, where things had been just that.

Perfect.

The longer Kara had spent in Midvale, the more she’d opened up about her home world. Alex had found the topic all kinds of uncomfortable at first, serving as yet another reminder that she was responsible for this alien tween that had somehow stumbled into their lives, disturbing her otherwise normal existence. But, Kara had been able to fill every one of her stories about Krypton with such wonder. Even when she hadn’t been fully confident with English, she’d still managed to describe her planet with such passion that Alex could even imagine those great glass spires for herself, could see the vast cities that glimmered in the distance from Kara’s old bedroom window.

Kara had never managed to get through one of those stories without crying.

Alex could still remember clambering over to Kara’s bed in the dead of night, bundling her adopted sister in her arms, expecting it to feel so alien, so wrong. But, it hadn’t. If anything, it had been the most natural thing in the world.

She’d whispered to her then, rocking her, telling her oh so gently that everything would be okay.

Kara had believed her every time.

Now, though?

Now, Alex wasn’t so sure.  

Once the party disbanded, neither one of them had the energy to say much to each other, but that didn’t matter. Sharing one another’s space was more than enough. Assuring Kara that she wasn’t alone tonight - that was enough. It had to be.

When Kara headed to bed, Alex set about making herself comfortable on the couch, curling beneath the duvet that Kara had left out for her.

She didn’t remember falling asleep, which only made it all the more alarming when she was suddenly jerked awake some hours later.

Alex’s throat was dry, and there was a crick in her neck where she’d been lying awkwardly across the sofa’s arm. She groaned out, raising her hands in a half-assed defensive stance that would have been way more threatening had she actually had a firearm to grab a hold of and not a medium sized throw pillow.

“Alex?”

Kara’s voice, trailing feebly in the dark. Alex blinked, finding her sister’s bright eyes staring at her in the dim setting of the apartment. Even with no visible source of light, they still managed to shimmer, like tiny beams of sunlight had been captured within her irises.

“Hey,” Alex managed, clearing her throat with some effort. She frowned, reaching for her sister’s arm. “Are you okay?”

Kara’s lips trembled into a weak smile. “I couldn’t sleep,” she admitted.

“Figures,” Alex said, noting the state of her sister’s hair. It was tied up into a messy bun that had clearly fallen victim to Kara’s violent tossing and turning habit. Alex forced herself into a half decent sitting position, glancing towards the kitchen. “What d’you think, will tea and honey cut it?” she asked, feigning a dramatized yawn. “Or, do we have to pull out the big guns?”

Kara’s smile widened. “Oh, big guns for sure.”

“Hot cocoa it is.” Alex grinned. “You can boil the water.”

                                                          ---

Ten minutes later, Alex found herself sat on Kara’s bed, legs crossed as she nursed her piping mug of hot cocoa, enhanced with a generous splash of whiskey. Kara did the same, taking a sip before she closed her eyes, leaning her back against the head rest.

“Oh Rao that’s good,” she murmured.

“Y’know, I think I’ve even improved upon mom’s recipe,” Alex mused. “The student becomes the teacher, or whatever.”

“Don’t tell Eliza that, she’ll kill you.”

Alex pulled a face. “God, never. She’ll take that recipe to her grave.”

Kara chuckled, sobering slightly. She pressed her lips together, staring down into her mug. “I missed this,” she murmured. “When I was… trapped there… everything felt so bleak. Like the world was trying to suck the happiness right out of me.” She shuddered, tightening her grip around her mug. “I tried to hold onto happy memories, the taste of my favourite foods, anything that’d keep me grounded. But, the longer I was there, the more I thought I’d never find that happiness again.” She breathed out sharply, forcing a smile. “That I’d never taste hot cocoa again.”

“I can’t imagine what it was like,” Alex said softly. “I mean… we were only there for a few hours and look how badly it affected us. You were there for weeks and I—” Alex choked, shaking her head. “Things got pretty bleak here, too. And, well, let’s just say I didn’t need a Phantom to start losing hope.”

“Alex-”

“It’s not your fault,” Alex said automatically. “So don’t you dare go apologising for this.”

“I- I wasn’t.”

Alex gave her sister a pointed look.

Kara’s face fell. She shifted uncomfortably, drawing her knees up towards her chest. “Okay, maybe… so maybe I was. But- I don’t know what else to say, Alex! I am sorry. Sorry any of this happened. That we lost each other.”

Again.

“We always find our way back,” Alex said firmly, pressing the warmth of her mug against her chin retrospectively. Her lips curled. “That might as well be the Danvers’ sisters motto at this point, right?”

Kara snorted into her own mug. “It’s got a ring to it.”

“We could make t-shirts.”

“Okay, that’s the lamest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“But you kinda love it, right?”

Kara’s nose crinkled when she grinned, one of those classic Kara smiles. So simple, so easy, as though she wasn’t holding the weight of the world on her shoulders at any given moment.

It didn’t last long, but when Kara looked back up at her, Alex thought that a little of the pain behind her eyes had begun to ease.

Then, Kara yawned.

Alex’s smile faded. “Okay, you really need to get some sleep.”

Kara bit her lip, glancing away. “I know. I just…” She blinked with a sudden revelation, turning back to Alex in the same motion. “Would you stay?” she asked impulsively, patting the sheets at her side. “Here, I mean. While I sleep? Like old times?”

“You don’t even have to ask,” Alex said, already scooting over towards the empty space. “Of course I will.”

                                                           ---

The last time Alex had laid in Kara’s bed, she’d been alone.

When the wound had still been fresh, her heart was so heavy that Alex had needed to feel Kara there with her somehow. She’d used the spare key to get inside, curling up beneath her sister’s sheets, still smelling of Kara’s watermelon shampoo, and hugged her pillow close to her chest, burying her face into the soft cotton.

Now, Kara lay at her side, and yet Alex still had to fight to prove to herself that this was real. That Kara was home. 

She hadn’t told anyone about what the Phantom had showed her just yet - not even Kelly. To think how terrified she’d been of not being the first face that Kara saw, that somehow her stubbornness might ruin everything, that to get Kara back, she’d have to sacrifice herself, because it was her job as the older sister. Even when she’d faced those fears, when she’d chosen to let herself go to keep Kara safe, it didn’t take from the horrible all-consuming vacuum that had surrounded her. The unforgiving, ice cold chasm of space that had crushed her body the moment she’d been pulled from the ship’s sheild. 

But, when Kara had barrelled through that door, Alex had seen her light at the end of the tunnel. When Kara had wrapped her arms around her, nearly forgetting her own strength, squeezing the breath right out from Alex’s lungs, her fears had all but evaporated alongside it. Instead, she’d only hugged her sister tighter in response, whispering nonsensical reassurances into Kara’s ear as she’d crumpled beneath the weight of everything she’d seen, breathing heavily into Alex’s throat.

Now, Alex ran her fingers through her sister’s hair, tugging the elastic out so that she could knot the blonde strands into loose plaits. She’d taught Kara how to braid her hair in a similar fashion when they’d been kids, playing with her hair for hours in front of the mirror, going through every style she could think of in some of her mom’s old magazines. Alex had never been a big fan of dressing up, but Kara had been so excited to learn about Earth fashion and Alex had been seldom to disappoint.

It wasn’t long before Kara relaxed into the gesture, her back curving against Alex’s chest as she sank deep against her pillow, pressing her face into it with a soft exhale.

Alex didn’t know what kind of nightmares Kara had faced the last time she’d fallen asleep, but she vowed that she’d do everything in her power to give her sister the peace of mind she deserved.

When Kara finally began to doze and soft snores escaped her lips, Alex wrapped her arms around her front, burying her face between her sister’s shoulder blades.

She was warm in her arms, solid and real. Alex could feel every rise and fall in Kara’s chest, could hear the steady rhythm of her pulse beating against her forehead.

The girl of steel had always needed to appear unbreakable to everyone, but what people rarely thought about was how that so often extended even to Kara Danvers. After all, it would be Kara Danvers, not Supergirl, who would be turning up at CatCo in the next few days, pretending as though she’d been out getting the scoop of the century.

No one outside of her family knew what she’d been through, and so none of them would offer her the proper time she needed to heal.

And, as much as it hurt, Alex knew that by tomorrow, Kara would already be flying around National City again, reassuring the world that Supergirl was still there for them all.

But, in small moments like this, Kara could at least let her guard down. She didn’t need to be anyone’s saviour right then. She was Kara Danvers, Kara Zor El. And at the heart of it, she was still Alex’s little sister. No matter what happened, nothing would ever change that.

Maybe she couldn’t protect her sister from whatever tomorrow brought with it, but she could make damn sure that not a single nightmare touched her tonight.

That would have to be enough.  

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Hold Me, I’m Soft ~ Mammon x Reader

This is going to refer to the DevilGram story with Madi the Witch, because it didn’t sit right with me how Mammon got used and laughed at for being sexually assaulted, especially when I related to that in more ways then I’d want to admit, so there it is, a short little fic to give Monnie some love, especially since his birthday will be this week and I will be at the mountains, unable to actually post anything other than a Happy Birthday maybe.

Ever since she got to the Devildom, Y/N wondered to herself why in the world would the brothers bully Mammon so much, to the point that he’ll break down in tears when nobody is around?

He’s the most gentle of the brothers, yet he’s met with nothing more than taunts and mocking because of his greed. It’s not like he can help it, it’s his Avatar sin, he didn’t choose it. People get annoyed at Beel for eating too much and constantly raiding the fridge, for when he indulges in the pleasure of greed, he’s suddenly the scummy trash brother who’s just a waste of space. The family’s embarrassment.

But why should he be that, when he’s the only one who never gave in to his demonic power from rage? Never tried to attack or kill her and never got in his demon form to lash out at her?

Mammon was the first one to ever call her by her name and even give her nicknames. He was the first one to call her out to the cinema, concerts, shopping, pranking time, board games, card games, and even video games or just some quality time together.

He was the one to taught her how to be an undefeated Blackjack player and how to spot when someone is lying. He was the one to taught her how to flawlessly cheat in games and how to protect herself if something happened.

Even more, he was the one who graciously asked if she wanted to workout with him so she could be stronger and faster if anything were to happen and he wouldn’t be around, just like how it happened long ago, when Levi lost control and almost attacked her.

And, of course, he was the only one who constantly asked her if she was okay, if she was happy, if she needed anything. He would always pamper her whenever he thought she stopped smiling for one split second, or if he thinks she was faking it. He would grab TSL and some comfort food, hot chocolate with marshmallows and would cuddle her all night, playing with her hair.

It really pissed her off, but no matter what she did, and no matter how much she tried to make the others at least tone it down, of course, millennia of habits cannot be so easily tamed.

These were the constant thoughts that plagued Y/N’s mind, yet the white haired man will never know, because she is a girl of few words and many actions.

Today, however, as usual, was the time for some new shenanigans, as Lucifer and Satan must be the escorts of some powerful witch, as per Diavolo’s request, since he literally can’t stand her - And that speaks loads, when it comes to the benevolent Demon Prince.

“Hey, is it really gonna be okay to leave those two by themselves like that?” Mammon asked with a worried expression on his face. “Well, neither of them are saying anything...For now, at least.” Asmo held the same expression as his elder brother. “Yeah, you just KNOW that they’re going to blow up any minute. It’s so exciting!” Levi spoke with a chuckle. “Hey, why is it that you only ever come outta your room at times like this, Levi? I thought you were s’posed to be a shut-in.” Mammon raised his eyebrow at his little brother. “Well, this is Lucifer and Satan. They almost NEVER work together, much less when it’s just the two of them! I mean, if I’d missed an event like this, I’d regret it for the next 800 years.” Levi grinned, his shoulders shaking with laughter. “Diavolo was pretty bold to make them work together, if you ask me.” Y/N muttered, crossing her arms and peeking through the door creak.

Saying that, the four of them leaned in the peek better and listen to their conversation.

“Be careful. If Maddi takes a liking to a man, she’ll bring him back home with her.” Lucifer smirked at his younger brother. “As if you need to remind me...I recall how Mammon went home with her that one time. Mammon must have regretted going with her, because by the time he got back, he was on the verge of tears. I remember it like it was yesterday!” Satan shook his head in disbelief, making the girl gasp, covering her mouth with her hands. “HEY! I wasn’t!” Mammon frowned at what he just heard, making Asmo shush him quickly so they won’t be heard. “I don’t even want to THINK about what must’ve happened between those two that night. I can’t understand what possessed Mammon to willingly go home with a woman that dangerous. It’s fortunate she didn’t trick him into making a pact with her while he was there in bed half-asleep.” the blond continued speaking, making the girl bite her lip from the shock and pain in her chest. “But there’s no doubt that Mammon didn’t have a good time, because for a while after he came back he had nightmares, and he’s moan in his sleep. He even stopped spending money left and right...MAMMON, of all demons. Still, Maddi IS attractive. She rivals the succubus who won the Queen Contest in terms of beauty. In fact, Maddi might be even MORE beautiful. I’m a little worried that you’ll end up like Mammon - That as soon as she uses her feminine wiles on you, you’ll fold like a paper airplane.” hearing that, she couldn’t stop herself and she fled the place, going to her room to regain herself, not giving anyone any explanation.

She already made up her mind that, despite being the middle of the day, she will skip both lunch and dinner, so changing in her pyjamas, she got in bed, cuddling the hellhound plushie Mammon got her, and wrapped herself in a tight cocoon with her blanket, not wanting to see the light of the day.

So many thoughts were swirling in her mind, each of them more and more degrading, overpowering one another, guilt taking over her completely.

She prided herself with being a ration person, she really did! She always put ration and logic over hindering emotions...But now...When she can overthink in peace...The ration she held completely dissipated, and here she was, crying her heart out once again.

Why WAS she crying for, anyway?

Was it because she felt Mammon’s pain at having being used like that, against his will, because he’s an innocent and peaceful push-over? 

Was it because she remembered what happened to her, and her heart started aching like crazy, and she began to spiral? 

Was it because she felt plain, ordinary and completely nothing special, when she heard Lucifer saying that Maddi is the most beautiful person in the world and that’s why Mammon was lured in by her?

Or was it the guilt of being affected by jealousy and self-hatred before the pain from what that vile woman did to him?

What the hell was going on through her head, anyway? She heard enough opinions about her and how terrible of a girlfriend she was, why should she even have any hope that Mammon would ever like her? And why the hell was she worrying about that, when she should be worrying about the poor demon?!

She’s really nothing more than a selfish jerk.

As if on cue, she heard the familiar sound of a received message on her D.D.D., and curiosity won over her self-deprecating sulking, and she checked it out, making her heart skip a few beats.

It was Monnie, and he was asking if she was okay and why she left.

Tears started brimming in her eyes, and letting out a few more sobs, she realised that, even thought he doesn’t romantically love her, he will always be her best friend, and she was at least content with that, no matter how selfish she is.

She quickly texted him, asking if it was okay if she came over later, for a sleepover, and of course, he agreed, so the girl put a cardigan over her so it wouldn’t be too obvious she was in her pyjamas - Not that it mattered, anyway - and got some snacks, made some hot chocolate and went to Mammon’s room, finding him in a tanktop and some large pants, playing some game on his phone.

“Took you long enough!” Mammon grinned, making room for her to join him. “What’s with that face? You stormed out of there, so somethin’ must’ve bothered ya. Come on, y’know you can tell me.” he got in a sitting position, looking at her with a concerned look, but was met with silence for a many seconds, in which he feared he must have said something wrong. “I, uh...I guess I got worried about you after what they said...But I didn’t have the best reaction...I needed some time to think things over. It was pretty selfish of me to do that, instead of talking to you first...But I guess I’ve always been pretty selfish, haven’t I?” she chuckled nervously, still standing up, next to the bed. “What the hell are ya on about? Is it about that Maddi thing? Forget it, it happened long ago, it doesn’t bother me anymore.” he shrugged, looking away for a split second, only to look back at her. “I...Don’t think you’re over it.” she bit her lip, looking down, sucking at her teeth to stop herself from sketching any gesture on her face. “What do ya know about that, anyway? Come on, shut up and put the movie on, I ain’t got all day!” he tried to make her stop talking already, but she wasn’t exactly paying attention. “I had a similar experience too and...When I heard what happened, flashes of what happened went in front of my eyes and I started panicking. That’s why I ran away.” she spoke, her eyes glossed and unfocused. “Is that why ya wanted to hang out?” Mammon muttered softly, seeing her slowly nod her head. “I never told anyone...And so, nobody was there to care about me. But you always cared about me...And I wanted to do the same, for once.” she gulped, blinking and putting everything on the nightstand next to his bed. “...Come’re, dummy.” he sighed, tugging on her hand and making her sit on his lap, as was their ritual whenever one of them needed comfort. “Did I upset you, Monnie?” she asked, barely audible, making him put his hands on her shoulders, so she could properly look at him. “What?! Upset me?! ‘Course not! I-I’m happy that you thought of me, okay? It’s just...Yeah, it wasn’t nice, duh, but I’m a demon. I can take many things. But you’re such a frail little human. You’re small, fragile and soft, and since nobody wanted to bother getting to know such a nice gal like you, then I will always be there for you.” he put his hands on her face, trying to reach through to her. “...I was supposed to comfort you...Why did it go the other way around...? I was supposed to make sure you okay, that you’re smiling and that you can manage to get over what happened in the past...I wanted to be the one you can count on, for once...But I’m failing even at that...That’s how much of a selfish jerk I am...You deserve better than me, Monnie.” she hung her head, resting her forehead on his shoulder, not realising her words made him stiff, and tears prickled at his eyes. “Shut up, dummy! You’re a dummy! Dummy! Dummy! Never say things like that okay, got it?! Listen, I-I care about you, okay? I don’t care if you manage to comfort me or not, I just care that you think about me, okay? You’re the only one that gives a damn about me, and I appreciate that, okay? You see part of yourself in me, and I see a part of myself in you, so of course I want to keep you safe.” Mammon sighed, holding the girl close to his chest, playing with her hair, as he always did. “Monnie...Can I tell you something?” she muttered. It was now or never. If he hated her, so be it, but at least he knows. “Of course ya can, dummy. You can tell me anythin’ you want.” he said with an encouraging chuckle. “I...Left because I felt guilty. Because...My first thoughts were creeping with jealousy, instead of worrying about you and what happened, first and foremost. My brain fails me big time. And I feel really bad, ‘cause you deserve much better than some idiot who gets jealous over someone vile like...Her.” she let a few tears fall down her face, but poor Mammon was lost in his own head.

Jealous? Why the hell would she be jealous? What could she be jealous of? What is going on even?

“Why would you be jealous of her? You’re better than she’ll ever be, in every way. What the hell is going on through that head of yours, Y/N?” he frowned, flicking her forehead, unsure of how to react. “You heard how Lucifer and Satan spoke about her...And they are Lucifer and Satan. They spoke only praises about her...A-And I didn’t want her to be around you. Y-You’re my first man, Monnie, please understand what I’m saying.” she hid her face with her hands, her bottom lip quivering from embarrassment and guilt. “O-Oh...Ya like me?! Like...Like-Like me?! For reals?!” his voice became so cheerful and hopeful, and as soon as he saw her nodding, he started laughing very happily, kissing her forehead and taking away her hands from her face, his grin bright and dazzling like the first sunshine of Spring. “Cool, ‘cause I love ya too! I was sure you liked one of my brothers, they ain’t as problematic as me, but you like me, your first man, and I couldn’t be happier!” he started kissing her all over her face, making her blush like a tomato. “Why wouldn’t I like you? You’re the best. You’re the only one who has been genuine with me since the very beginning and cared about me. And spending time with you always is always calming and...You always make me happy. I forgot what it’s like to be happy since that happened...But whenever my brain goes stupid and I start overthinking, you always manage to keep me grounded...And I really appreciate you for that.” Y/N spoke out, making Mammon’s eyes water, and with the ordinary greedy impulse he had, he grabbed her face and kissed her deeply, without even realising what in the world happened. “Don’t fluster me like that, Y/N...Actually, do, I love it, but I’m not used to it.” he chuckled nervously, making the girl smile softly. “Can I do anything to make you feel better about...The past?” she asked sheepishly, her hands hanging awkwardly, unsure of what to do with them. “Well...The hot chocolate is going to get cold...And there’s snacks to eat and  movies to binge-watch...” he trailed on, snaking his arms around her waist, making her put hers on his shoulders. “Also...I want to make sure you’re comfortable with me, okay? I dunno what happened to you, but if it’s similar to what happened to me, I want to promise you that I will never do anythin’ you’re not okay with. I pinky promise.” Mammon spoke in a more serious voice, yet just as gentle. “I know, Angel eyes. I trust you the most out of everyone in this world. And I can promise you the same thing.” she managed to give him a proper smile, throwing her arms around him, hugging him tightly, feeling the comforting warmth of his body.

That embrace alone felt, for the both of them, like the sole safe home they ever had, and there was nothing that could break this dream-like state they were in. There was no negativity and no bad thought going through their mind, as the warmth and love of the hug was enough to disperse of any pest lingering and purging their sanity.

When they finally got the courage to let go of each other, fearing that they would disappear from this serenity state, they cuddled together in bed, drinking the now room temperature hot chocolate, eating so many snacks that they resembled Beel, and watching TSL on the huge plasma TV on the wall.

“Monnie?” Y/N raised her head to look up at him, love and admiration obvious in her sparkling eyes. “Thank you for existing in my life. I know you go through great lengths to take care of your brothers and make sure they’re happy...And I know you get hurt a lot in the process...But I really appreciate everything you’re doing, both for me and for them. I’m sure they see it too, they’re just too stupidly proud to admit to themselves...As usual.” she chuckled, reaching to hold his hand and intertwine their fingers together. “Thanks, Y/N. You’re the best. I’m really happy you came to talk to me...And I’m really happy you’re here with me. I love you.”

[axoxtxhxh]

Promise Me - Chapter 4 - New Days

Summary: Reader and Armin make a trip into town to buy some new clothes. Both taken out of their comfort zone, they start to see things a little differently, including each other. Content: Fluff Word Count: ~5,400

It had been about a month of working for Francisco and you and Armin both quickly realized how important mealtimes were for catching up and spending time together. Mealtimes were a bit similar back on Paradis, but it was to a whole different level with Francisco. Sheet pan after sheet pan of food was always on the counter and ready to be eaten at any point you were hungry. Each time the food was different. So many different flavors and new foods you’ve never tried were always provided.

Armin quickly became a cheese lover. He could eat an entire plate of cheese all on his own. You were more of a bread person, but once Francisco learned your favorites, he always made sure to have some type of bread and cheese with each meal for the both of you. You weren’t really sure if he was cooking the food or if he had someone cooking, but you were well aware of how much he loved to eat and also how important mealtimes were for him.

You looked over at Armin and watched him folding his pajamas. His hair was still wet from his shower and the way the water droplets dripped down his temples and the side of his face made you smile.

The barn was nothing like you thought it would be. Even with Francisco’s description. It was definitely a barn, but without the animals and all the other normal ‘barn things’, it really was just an open house. It was only a minute or so walk from the main house and it had everything you and Armin needed. The second-floor loft area was big enough for you both to sleep and store your things. On the first floor, there was a tiny bathroom with a shower and that was enough to make Armin happy. You folded up your blankets from sleeping and got ready to head to the main house for breakfast.

“You ready to eat?” You asked Armin while he was digging through his stuff. You both didn’t own much and you wondered what he could be looking for.

“Yeah, just give me a second.”

“What are you looking for?” You sat up to help him.

“I need a different shirt,” he mumbled.

“What’s wrong with the one you’re wearing?” He turned his body a little bit and you saw the huge tear in the back and moved over to him quickly. “Oh my gosh, what happened? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I just got it caught on the buckle of my pants.”

He continued digging around and you noticed that he really didn’t have many shirts to choose from. Armin stuffed all of his things back in the pile he had and balanced himself on all fours, dropping his head.

“Do you think I can borrow one of your shirts?” He looked up at you. There was a strange hint of disappointment in his eyes and you weren’t sure where that was coming from.

“Sure.” You backed up and grabbed one of your shirts and handed it to him. He quickly pulled off his old shirt and you busied yourself with folding it, glancing up as he pulled your shirt over his head.

You had gotten your stitches out a couple weeks ago, but Ernesto didn’t clear you to start working until a few days ago. Armin, on the other hand, had been working on the vineyard for the last month and you could definitely see it in his body. His legs were a bit thicker, his back broader, his arms stronger. Even if he didn’t tear his shirt, it was already starting to get small.

“Let’s go.” He stood up and you both walked to the main house for breakfast.

“Good morning, you two.” Francisco smiled, folding his newspaper and setting it on the table in front of him. “Are you guys hungry?”

“Starving.” Armin smiled, patting his stomach. He moved to the kitchen counter and grabbed a plate and handed it to you, then grabbed one for himself. While you waited for Armin to serve himself food, you noticed Francisco eyeing Armin over his reading glasses and watched him. When he noticed you staring, he gestured Armin’s shirt and pointed to you and you nodded. He shook his head and smiled.

Armin moved to the table with his plate, piled with food. It amazed you the appetite he’s had the last couple weeks, but it made sense. It also made you laugh the way he ate, one hand holding his fork, the other holding his cup and his face hovering over his plate while he chewed the biggest bites he could fit in his mouth. You laughed to yourself and moved to the table to sit next to him.

“It’s Friday.” Francisco opened up his newspaper again and continued reading now that both of you were at the table. “Why don’t you guys go into town and buy some new clothes.”

You looked over at Armin and watched him sit up straight, chewing his food quickly so he could talk. You opened your mouth to speak, but Francisco continued.

“You’re doing too much work in the same shirts and pants.” His eyes stayed on his newspaper. “Just get a few new things. At least a week’s worth.”

“Francisco…” you started, “we… um, we really need to make sure we’re saving our money.”

“Not that you don’t pay us well,” Armin added, “we’re really grateful, but wearing the same clothes is fine. We don’t mind.”

“Armin.” Francisco looked at Armin over his reading glasses, smiling. “You’re growing. You can barely fit in Y/N’s shirts, you need to get clothes in your own size.”

You opened your mouth to speak, but he continued.

“Don’t worry about the money.” He readjusted the newspaper. “Consider it a gift from me.”

“Fran—”

“A gift I insist on giving.” He smiled.

“We haven’t even done our work—” Armin started.

“You can take the day off.” Francisco kept his eyes on the newspaper. “It’s Friday.”

You looked to Armin and he was looking at you. It’s not that you both didn’t appreciate Francisco for what he was doing for you, but it was a lot. He didn’t even hesitate to take in two strangers, house them, feed them, and give them a job. And now he was giving you both a day off so you could go shopping for clothes with his money. It was too much.

“You might want to leave early so you can beat the old ladies shopping for their kids.” Francisco laughed. “Oh, and make sure you visit El Tajinaste. It’s a coffee shop on West Cavalier Street.”

“El Tajinaste?” Armin questioned and Francisco looked at both of you.

“It’s a coffee shop that sells coffee from my home country.” He folded up his newspaper. “It’s delicious. Make sure you stop there.”

You and Armin nodded and continued eating your breakfast, moving a little quicker now that you had to make it into town. You were starting to get nervous. Not about going into town, though that was a bit nerve-wracking. You and Armin haven’t had a reason to go into town since meeting Francisco. It was more about the idea of shopping for clothes. You really didn’t know how clothing boutiques worked here.

When you and Armin first washed ashore, you found one of the first places you could, that abandoned building. A couple blocks away was a small church with a donations center. It was there that you picked up the extra clothes and food you had. The money you were able to scrounge up was from the ground or donation boxes you were able to break open. You really didn’t have any experience shopping.

“Let’s try this one first.” Armin started walking into a woman’s boutique and you grabbed his arm.

“Wait, don’t you want to shop for you first?” You tugged him away from the shop entrance.

“I don’t think it matters really.” He shrugged and kept walking to the door.

“Wait.” He turned to look at you, giving you a questioning look.

“Are you nervous to go in there?” He started smiling.

“No.” You dropped his arm and looked away, trying to hold the tiny bit of fake confidence you had. “I’m just… okay, maybe a little.”

Armin smiled wider, stepping closer to you.

“It’s not so bad. Come on.” He stood behind you and pushed you forward.

“I can already tell it’s going to be weird.” You leaned back, trying to dig your heels in the sidewalk. “I’ve never worn stuff like this, Armin. Can we just shop for you first?”

“It’s not going to be any easier later.” He stopped pushing you. “Let’s just get it done now.”

“I don’t think any of that stuff would fit me well.” You adjusted your t-shirt and looked at the ground. Armin could see how uncomfortable you were and he couldn’t understand why you felt that way when he thought all of that stuff would fit you perfectly. He turned you to face him and put his hands on your shoulders which made you look at him.

“Y/N, the only reason I picked this shop was because you would look great in that sweater in the window.” You turned to look at the sweater. It was a dark blue cardigan that the headless mannequin wore over a white blouse. It was pretty. Too pretty. Too pretty for you. Armin could see in your face that you were already doubting it and he moved his hands to your cheeks, forcing you to look at him. “At least try it on.”

You started to sigh and Armin took that as enough of an agreement to grab your hand and pull you through the door. Inside the store was immediately cooler and quieter than the street you were both just standing on. There were two other shoppers inside and one of the employees was helping one of them while the other stayed behind the counter. Armin pulled you to the sweater in the window, looking for the rack that had the other sizes.

“Do you know what size you are?” He asked still holding your hand and using his other hand to sift through the sweaters.

“I’m not sure.” It wasn’t just that you’ve gotten a bit smaller since losing a bit of the muscle you had on Paradis, but when you shopped for clothes on Paradis, you normally just grabbed the first size you saw. “I think maybe large?”

“Large is definitely not it.” A woman behind you spoke and you and Armin both turned. It was the other employee that was previously at the counter. “You look to be between sizes.”

She smiled at both of you, but it still had you stepping back. Even if there were a lot of people out and about and even if she was an employee here to help you, having someone approach you made you feel uncomfortable and defensive.

Armin pulled you back to stand next to him, his hand squeezing yours lightly. You looked over to him, taking a quiet breath to get yourself to calm down.

“Thank you for your help.” He smiled to the employee, his big, blue eyes and wide smile brightening up his face. “I was looking for the right size, but I couldn’t find it.”

“I can help you with that.” She moved closer and Armin moved you behind him and stepped back, it took a couple sifts through the rack and she pulled out a sweater, holding it up to you. “This color would look great on you.”

“Thank you.” You nodded, slowly reaching for the hanger.

“Is there anything else I can help you with? Are you shopping for the new season?” She clasped her hands in front of her. “We have some lovely options near the fitting rooms.”

Armin lightly pushed you forward, dropping your hand and turning to look around the store. You watched him move away from you and wondered when he became such an adult and you became such a kid. The lady was still smiling at you and you tried to smile back, following her to the other clothes.

The shop had more clothes than you really could have imagined based on the front. Dresses for all occasions, pants of different kinds, t-shirts and blouses, as well as sweaters and even shoes. You weren’t much of a purse carrier, but they had tons of options for those.

“Are you looking for a new style or do you have a certain style in mind?” She pulled some sweaters from a rack and held onto them as she looked at you.

“I don’t think I have a style.” You shook your head uncomfortably and turned to look for Armin. The lady’s eyes followed yours and you watched him looking at the dresses.

“Your boyfriend seems to like the summer dresses.” You turned your head quickly and she was smiling.

“Oh, he’s not—”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on which one he likes and bring it to you.” She winked and continued walking through the racks. “If you don’t have a style, let’s try to find one that you’ll like.”

You moved around the store quickly following behind the woman as she grabbed different things and then made your way to the dressing room for you to try it all on. When you looked over at Armin, he was still wandering around the store by himself and it made you laugh thinking about what he must be thinking of.

It took quite a while for you to make it through the stack of clothes the woman left you with. Some were things you would never wear and definitely didn’t like, but for the most part, she really did nail down your style of clothing. It was comfortable, easy to move in, incredibly practical, but also a little bit pretty. You weren’t sure how she knew, but she knew exactly the kind of stuff you would like.

The woman stepped inside and hung up a handful of new clothes, the one on the top being a blue dress. Your mouth dropped open as you looked at it.

“He was looking at this one for quite a while, but couldn’t find your size.” She looked really proud of herself and you gave a half-smile at the thought of this being something Armin liked. “Luckily we had a few extras in the back.”

“Thank you.” You lifted the bottom part up a little, feeling the thick, but soft material between your fingers.

“If you need help, let me know.” You nodded and she stepped back out. Just after closing the door, you heard a knock and she opened it back up, whispering to you. “He’s sitting on the couch just outside the dressing room if you want to show him the dress.”

She seemed so excited about you wearing this dress and showing Armin, but you really couldn’t understand it. It was just a dress. On top of that, it’s not like you were going to look amazing in it. Armin has seen you bleeding out onto the floor in your bra, what reason would he be interested in seeing you in a dress, but this woman was adamant and so you listened.

“I think you’re going to like this one.” The woman called back to Armin as she zipped up the last part of the dress, then turned to you and patted you on the shoulder. “Wait here, let me grab you a hat.”

Armin watched the woman slip out the dressing room and go to the rack of hats, grabbing a white, wide-brimmed hat and moving back to the dressing room. He rested forward, his elbows on his knees as he waited. As soon as he heard the door click open, he looked up, watching you step out, uncomfortable, but with a hopeful smile on your face.

“What do you think?” You asked. Armin’s eyes widened and he shot up from the couch quickly. He had no idea why he stood from his seat, but he did, he had to, his body taking over as his brain tried to understand what he was seeing and what it was making him feel. You looked lovely. So lovely that Armin’s brain was struggling to make sense of it as his heart pounded against his chest.

His eyes moved from the bottom of the baby blue dress, sitting just below your knees and followed it up, watching as it as it tightened around your waist, your breasts cupped so perfectly in the fabric. He tried not to think about it as his body forced him to swallow and his eyes continued scanning, stopping at your exposed shoulders. His breathing picked up and his mouth dropped open. Your bare shoulders. He would normally worry about you being cold, but now they looked so warm and so soft, the perfect place for him to lay his head.

He opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t think of any words to use in the moment. His face continued moving from stunned to confused to completely charmed then back to stunned. Finally, he managed a light smile and he scratched his head.

“I think this might be a winner.” The lady said, watching you and Armin.

“Beau—bea—it’s, uh… you look beautiful.” Armin laughed at himself and dropped the bag he was carrying, scrambling to pick it up as his eyes continued watching you. You stepped forward to talk to him. “Are you going to get it?”

“I don’t know.” You were fiddling with your fingers as you thought about it. It made no sense to get a dress. What would you need it for? You worked on a vineyard. You don’t need a dress. Though you did feel really pretty. A feeling you’ve honestly only felt twice in your whole life. Armin put his hand on your hands and you looked at him.

“You should get it.” He nodded and smiled at you. “Please get it.”

Armin had no way to explain what he was feeling. He couldn’t put it into words that even he, himself, could understand. You looked great. More than great, you looked wonderful, even better now that you were standing in front of him, his hand holding yours. He really wanted to touch you. Not that he wasn’t already touching you, but the urge to hold you was so strong that he really wasn’t sure he could fight it.

He continued thinking as he watched you contemplate the dress. It wasn’t about protection. He often found himself wanting to grab you when there was some sort of danger around, but there was nothing there to guard you from.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, opening them again. He let his hand move to your waist, the warmth of your body spreading heat throughout his, and pulled you against him, his chin resting on your shoulder. The feeling was still there except now his heart was beating even faster as your bodies pressed against each other.

“Please get the dress,” he whispered, almost to himself. It wasn’t really about the dress. You did look beautiful, but Armin didn’t care about things like that. The part he really loved seeing was the look on your face when you stepped out of the dressing room. He had never seen that excited and hopeful look in your eyes before. Determined, strong, brave, he had seen all of that, but there was an unsure innocence in the way you looked at him that he was sure you hadn’t shown many people before, if any.

“I’ll think about it.” You pulled away from Armin and went back to the dressing room. You were already tired from shopping and it had only been one store. You looked at yourself in the dress through the mirror. You did look nice and honestly, it felt pretty nice wearing it. You really couldn’t understand Armin wanting you to get it so badly. There were so many reasons not to get it. The biggest reason being that this was Francisco’s money and you shouldn’t be using it to get something that really wasn’t useful, as much as you did like it.

You changed back into your clothes and hung the dress back up, feeling the material between your fingers one last time before grabbing it and handing it to the employee and organizing the items you did want to keep.

Armin waited back on the couch as you got your stuff together. The lady who was helping you stepped out of the dressing room and looked at Armin. She was holding the dress with a stack of other clothes and Armin stood up, his eyes widening at the thought of you keeping the dress, but without even saying anything, he could see by the look on the lady’s face that you decided not to keep it.

He sighed, about to sit back down feeling disappointed when he narrowed his eyes a bit, thinking. The lady noticed and peeked in the dressing room to see if you were still busy. She gave Armin a thumbs up and held the dress up a little, asking if he wanted to buy it without you knowing. He nodded his head with a big smile and she nodded back, running over to the cash register and ringing it up.

“How did you do?” Armin asked you as you stepped out of the dressing room with a bunch of clothes in your hands. He was trying to hide his anxiety and hoping you wouldn’t notice.

“Okay.” You lifted up some of the items, counting them to see. “I don’t know if three shirts and two pants count as a week’s worth of clothing, but that’s all I got.”

“That’s not bad,” he said encouragingly, “there’s other stores too. This isn’t the only one. You might have luck at another one.”

You nodded, setting your stuff at the counter with the lady and she started ringing them up with a smile. Armin grabbed the bags and you both left. The rest of the shopping went pretty well. As expected, it took Armin almost no time at all to find clothes. He seemed to know exactly the style he wanted.

The first time he stepped out of the dressing room, you couldn’t hide the smile on your face at his choice. He really did have a great sense of fashion and he knew how to pick clothes that fit his body well, he just didn’t realize how much he had grown and the shirts were a size too small. He looked like a tyrannosaurus rex trying to squeeze in the small shirt.

“Can you grab me a bigger size?” He looked at himself in the mirror and you both laughed as you went to grab a bigger size. Just in case, you grabbed a size up and another two sizes up and handed them to him.

Instead of moving back into the dressing room, he unbuttoned and pulled off the shirt he was wearing in front of you. Whatever smile you may have had on your face dropped as you watched his arms, chest and back muscles flex as he hung the small shirt back up and put on the one that was a size bigger. His fingers delicately buttoned each button starting from the top and unlike when you saw him in the bathroom at the house a month earlier, this time your eyes stayed locked on his bare chest as your heartrate picked up.

“This one is kind of tight too.” He pulled it off and hung it up. You swallowed and watched how low his pants sat on his hips, hips that you were sure weren’t there before. His pants rested on his newly-muscled lower half and you blinked yourself back to focus as he placed the shirt over his shoulders, moving to button it in the same way he did the previous one. It’s not that you never realized Armin wasn’t a child, you knew he wasn’t, but all your focus had been on making sure he was safe and protected, you weren’t looking at him as anything other than a younger scout you were supposed to protect.

However, there was something about seeing the small trail of light brown hair at his naval that had a rush of heat reaching your cheeks and your eyes lowered to the front of his jeans. You had to force yourself to look away, concentrating on readjusting the bags sitting next to you.

“This one’s good, right?” He turned to show you and you nodded quickly.

The time spent shopping for Armin was significantly shorter than the time spent shopping for you, but it was still already almost lunchtime and you both weren’t interested in spending the entire day out in town.

“Should we stop at the coffee place Francisco recommended?” Armin asked, shimmying his way through the entrance of the store with the bags stuffed in his hands.

“I can carry some of those bags, you know?” You held the door open for him as he walked through. He looked at the bags and handed you the smallest one.

“You can carry this one.” He smiled widely and it took you a while to realize he was joking. His cute giggle coming out when you started smiling.

“Very funny.” You laughed, grabbing his arm. “Let’s go get some coffee.”

You found the café exactly where Francisco said it would be. It wasn’t so much an indoor café as it was a walk-up café with seating outside in the front. Your knowledge of coffee was about as strong as your knowledge of shopping and you and Armin must have stood up front for a good ten minutes before either of you felt comfortable ordering.

You sat at a table in the corner and took a sip of your cappuccino, Armin’s eyes opened wide and watching you.

“What?” You asked, licking the coffee off your upper lip.

“How is it?”

“It’s coffee.” You couldn’t help but laugh knowing that wasn’t what he was asking. “It’s good. I actually really like it.”

You went to take another sip, making sure you actually did really like it and it wasn’t just that it was a novel taste. When you put the cup back down, you looked to Armin who had already gulped down half of his latte with honey.

“Armin!”

“What?”

“Slow down a little.”

“I like it. It’s sweet.” He smiled, taking another sip.

“Can I try some?” He slid the cup over to you and you took a sip. His was much sweeter than yours, but it wasn’t bad. It was a lightly sweetened flavor and you could see why he liked it.

“They should make a place like this in Paradis.” Armin took his cup back and continued sipping, but you could see that there was something on his mind and you waited for him to say it. “Y/N?”

“Yeah?” You took another sip of your drink.

“Do you think everyone is okay?” You watched him play with the straw in his cup.

“You mean on Paradis?” He nodded and you had to admit that the thought of your friends back home had come across your mind a bit more the last couple days.

You wondered if they even knew you and Armin were alive. They probably didn’t think there was much of a chance considering where you both fell from the carrier. They most likely weren’t even looking for you both, maybe just hoping that somehow you survived and waiting for you both to return home. Armin wasn’t even asking that though. He was worried about how they were doing. He was always thinking of others and how they were feeling.

“I think they are.” You tried to smile.

“Do you think it’s going to be different when we get back?”

“Probably.” You shrugged, knowing it was going to be really different, but not wanting to think about it. You felt bad, but you weren’t really thinking about how different it was going to be because for a little while you had actually forgotten what it was like. It wasn’t that you forgot the people back home, you really did miss everyone like crazy. But you would be lying if you said that there were times you had also forgotten.

“Y/N?”

“Hmm?” You took another sip of your drink, watching Armin stir his ice around with his straw.

“I really like it here.” He couldn’t bring himself to look at you even though he knew you were looking at him. He was pretty sure you understood what he was thinking about based on what he just said. What if we didn’t go back?

What if you didn’t? There was always the possibility that you wouldn’t be able to make it back, not without a carrier or a big ship. You really hadn’t put much thought into a plan on how it was going to work. Since getting hurt and meeting Francisco, your mind has been busy with a lot of things and plans to get back wasn’t really at the top of the list. Armin shook his head quickly and smiled, trying not to think about it.

“Whoa.” You looked up at him and his eyes were wide, his head swaying slightly.

“Armin, are you okay?”

“I’m kind of dizzy.” He rubbed his head, wincing as he closed his eyes.

“I think you drank that coffee too fast.” You reached forward and put your hand on his hand that was resting on the table. He pulled his other hand away from his forehead and looked at your hands on his, interlocking your fingers together. “We should get back and maybe eat something.”

He nodded and you both stood up, gathering your things and heading back to the main street. Even with Armin carrying most of the bags, he still wanted to hold your hand. It was different than linking arms and he liked it. It’s not like he’s never held your hand before. He was even holding it when you both first came into town, but it was different now. It felt different.

It was never weird either, yet why now, did it feel strange. Not strange in a way that felt uncomfortable, quite the opposite. Now it felt strange because it felt nice. It was just as comfortable as it always was, but now had the added benefit of making his heart fly around in his chest. He smiled to himself as you both walked down the street until he felt a pull of you not following and turned to look at you staring at a dress in the window of a shop.

It was the most feminine dress you’d ever seen. Where the blue one you tried on earlier was cute, this one was sweet with a hint of sexy, something you could never pull off, but you couldn’t stop looking at it. The puffy short sleeves kept your shoulders covered, but the low V in the front showed a little more skin.

It also looked like a different material than the other dress. This one was lighter, thinner, and rested gently on the curves of the mannequin. So feminine and pretty. Plus, the color was an appealing red, the small white dots on the dress gave it a tiny bit of playfulness. You felt Armin’s hand rest on your lower back.

“Do you want to try it on?” He was chewing on the straw from his coffee cup, watching you admire the dress in the window. You sighed, you weren’t one of the women that needed things like this. It would sit in your closet and gather dust. If that’s even what clothes did. You weren’t even sure.

“I have to go to the bathroom.” You turned to Armin and he was already looking at you.

“I think there’s one around the corner.” He pointed and grabbed the bag you were holding. “I’ll wait here.”

You nodded and headed in the direction he was pointing. After Armin watched you turn the corner, he turned back to the dress in the window, thinking about your face as you looked at it.

When you came back from the bathroom, Armin was shuffling around with the bags, taking small sips from his coffee. You had no idea why he didn’t stop drinking it.

“Let’s go home?” He held out his arm and you took it, walking back home.

A/N: The fitting room scene with Armin was inspired by this fanart

Taglist: @harshita-nara​

[underworld-of-imagines]

Guardian Angel - Spencer Reid

TW: depression, post-partum depression, mentions of miscarriage, suicide attempt

A/N: So I don’t exactly know where this idea came from, but wherever it did, I’m glad it came. It’s a really long one, and really really sad. I spent almost 2 weeks on it, so I hope you guys enjoy!

He should have noticed. He shouldn’t have ignored the signs; the resentment that you held towards the small human bundled in his arms, the quietness, the reluctance to do anything that involved getting out of bed. He was a profiler for god’s sake. So how didn’t he see this coming?

“Dr. Reid, may I suggest you go home? She won’t be awake for another day at least, and you need rest.” The nurse pressured him as she checked your vitals, examining the machine that was pumping saline into your body.

“Statistically speaking, a normal person can remain awake for 24 hours before serious side effects are exhibited.” Reid mumbled back to the nurse, glancing down at the sleeping baby in his arms.

“I understand that you are a genius Dr. Reid. However, these are different circumstances, and if you were thinking logically, you would understand that your statistics are not reasonable.” Spencer sighed angrily, he knew she was right, there was nothing right about his statistics or reasoning.

“At least have someone come take care of the child. Maybe a close friend or family member? They could bring you some stuff too.” The nurse suggested, motioning towards the bundle who was slowly beginning to awaken. “I’ll be back in an hour to check on your wife, Doctor.” She exited the room swiftly, her footsteps barely audible in the quiet room. If he didn’t hear the door closing gently, he would have thought he imagined the whole thing.

The nurse was right, caring for both you and the baby was hard, and he wasn’t equipped to care for the baby in the small hospital room. Fumbling around in his jacket pocket, he withdrew his phone, that already had a picture of you and your daughter displayed. He smiled gently, almost forgetting everything that was happening around him at the expression on your face. It wasn’t always like this.

After pressing a few buttons, he held his phone to his ear, gently rocking the now fussy baby with his other arm. The dial tone seemed to last forever as he waited for the recipient to answer the phone.

“JJ,” Spencer breathed out as soon as she picked up the phone. “I need a favour,” the sound of shuffling and hushing in the background almost made him relieved.

“Spence, what is it?” JJ’s calming voice crackled over the phone; he could hear his teammates chatting in the background. The voices faded as she stepped away from the group that had gathered around, hoping to hear from Spencer.  

“Can you come take Leah? Something is wrong with Y/N, and I just need someone to take care of Leah for me. You’re the person I trust most.” JJ audibly gasped. She knew it was serious, just not serious enough for Spencer to part with Leah. Glancing back at the group, she saw their worried expression, who watched carefully as she shoved stuff into her bag and left the bullpen.

“Okay, where are you?”

*****

“I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this,” Spencer breathed a sigh of relief as he handed the bundle of blankets to JJ. Somewhere in which, his daughter was sleeping peacefully.

“Of course, it’s not worries Spencer. It’s serious isn’t it? I mean, Y/N is here, and you didn’t even tell Hotch you weren’t coming into work.” Spencer looked back at the door warily before nodding at JJ, who was gently rocking the baby.

“Post-partum depression. I found her yesterday after work, called the ambulance. I’ve been here since.” She sighed sadly, looking down at the baby before back at Spencer, grabbing his hand in hers.

“Don’t blame yourself for this, you did nothing wrong.” She reassured, rubbing his hand with her thumb. He nodded knowingly, he knew he did nothing wrong, but deep down he couldn’t stop blaming himself for not noticing sooner. “I’ll call Hotch for you, try to get some rest okay?” JJ smiled gently, “call me if you need anything.”

Spencer watched as JJ loaded his daughter into the baby seat in her car, thanking his previous self for remembering to grab the car seat in the rush. Minutes later, he was waving goodbye to JJ and walking back in the hospital doors, with his cardigan pulled tightly around his thin frame.

Upon returning to your room, he saw that you were still sleeping peacefully. Admittedly, this was the most peaceful he had seen you since Leah had been born, which created a painful ache in his chest.

How long had you been suffering on your own? Did you cry alone at night when he was gone on cases? What did you feel towards the small girl who grew in your stomach for 9 months? Did you love her? Hate her? Have no feelings about her?

He couldn’t blame you, how could he? He knew what post-partum depression was. It wasn’t your fault. But he also knew he didn’t help you.

Instead he was infatuated with his daughter, spending most of his hours at home with her. His excuse? He wanted to give you a break, let you rest from being a mother constantly. By doing so, he unintentionally ignored you, left you to your own mind.

It’s not anybody’s fault, the doctor’s mantra replayed in his mind. When you were first brought in, the doctor almost immediately diagnosed you, despite you being unconscious. All of the signs were there, and there was no denying it. Spencer had questioned a few things, he knew of post-partum depression, and what it was. But even he had to admit, he didn’t know everything.

Resting his head on his hand, he allowed himself to slowly drift off into a light doze.

*****

The steady beeping of a machine.

The lights that shined brightly even through your closed eyelids.

The offensive smell of sanitiser that invaded your nostrils.

Those were the first things you noticed as you began to drift towards consciousness. Everything was fuzzy, unfamiliar, your mind clouded as you began to panic from the confusion. Where are you?

You didn’t notice the beeping increase slowly, or the shadow cast from the nurse standing beside you. All you could notice was the dense fog that clouded your mind.

“Mrs. Reid,” a voice coaxed, guiding you through the fog with a bright lamp. The person holding the lamp was a little girl, that looked almost exactly like Spencer, just younger, and with longer hair. “Mrs. Reid, are you there?” You chased after the girl, slowly becoming aware of your surroundings in the dark forest. This makes no sense, you thought to yourself as you spun in a slow circle.

“Slowly becoming aware…coming out of consciousness…dreaming…Dr. Hamid.” You only caught fragments of the conversation, still confused about your location. The little girl was now gone, plunged back into darkness you noticed how cold the ground underneath your feet was, how damp the packed dirt felt.

And then the ground fell out beneath you, as you tumbled through the darkness.

*****

“Dr. Reid,” the nurse jogged up to a very exhausted Reid, who was nursing a badly-made coffee between his hands. “We have good news, Y/N has been drifting in and out of consciousness for a few hours now. She is still very drowsy, but we have managed to get some motor functions out of her, mostly eye flickering and little hand movements. But this is good, really good.” Spencer smiled widely, you were making progress, coming back to him, to Leah.

The white walls of the hospital corridor seemed a bit brighter as he followed the nurse down the hallway. If he didn’t know better, he’d call it a hopeful white – compared to the dull colour that he saw before hearing the good news. But he was a profiler, he knew better, the psychology. He was a profiler, but he missed the signs that led to this. Not a very good profiler, apparently.

Your body still laid relaxed in the bed, your dark hair and blue gown contrasting brightly against the clean white sheets. Spencer revelled in how peaceful you look, it reminded him of the first time he realised he loved you. You had spent the night at his place after a rough case, he had spent half of the night trying to sleep, but instead watching how peaceful you were when you slept. That night, before he fell asleep, he gently mumbled that he loved you, and watched as your lips called into a small smile.

“I love you,” he mumbled, hopeful to get a reaction from you. For a second, he could have sworn that he saw your lips twitch upwards, which ignited a fire in his heart. A fire of hope.

“Y/N, I know you’re there somewhere. I’m so sorry I didn’t notice anything. But I need you to pull through. Leah needs you to pull through.” He begged, holding your cold hand tightly in his own. “Please,” he whimpered.

This time when the light appeared again, you were now faced with a very dimly lit hallway, with no apparent end. The young girl stood beside you, her brown curly hair contrasting distinctly against her pale skin and white dress. She held the same lamp, which shone light onto the walls – which had small etchings for as far as you could see.

Curious, you stepped closer to the wall, trying to see what the etchings meant. But all you could see were tiny letters, which you couldn’t read.

“Come on, we need to go.” The girl grabbed your hand, her palm cold against yours. She turned, and walked down the hallway, pulling you along until you fell into step with her.

“These words… what do they mean?” You asked as you walked down the hallway, which gradually lightened in front of you with each step.

“They’re a story, your story more specifically. Don’t you recognise this place?” You shook your head, confused as to what she meant. “It’s your head, the deepest, darkest part of your mind.” She explained, pointing to all of the words on the wall. “This is your story, your memories, everything you’ve ever seen or done, whether or not you remember it. It’s you, Y/N.” Reaching out, you let your hands run over the small bumps as you walked.

“Wait, so if this is everything in my life, who are you?” You questioned, glancing down at the young girl, who looked eerily familiar.

“I’m Annalise,” your jaw dropped to the floor as your face fell. “I suppose you wouldn’t recognise me, you never got to meet me, mum.” Painful memories flooded your mind, your daughter, the one you never met, never held. The one who slipped away too quickly.

“Wha-? How?” The words tumbled out of your mouth; your lips numb as your stared at her.

“I’m your guardian angel. When I died, I became your guardian angel.” Her lips tugged upwards slightly, pulling into a small smile.

“I-I’m so sorry,” you sobbed, the tears immediately streaming from your eyes. Sobs wracked your chest painfully as you doubled over, falling to your knees.

“Don’t apologise mum,” her hand touched your cheek, igniting your skin. “It wasn’t your fault,” she reassured. “I just wasn’t meant to be,” her hand brushed back the locks that had fallen in front of your face.

“Did it hurt?” You asked, relieved as she shook her head gently.

“Not even a little bit.” You smiled through the tears; she didn’t suffer. “Come on, let’s keep going. I want to tell you some stuff.”

You pulled her into a hug, sniffling as you smelled Spencer’s shampoo on her. Grabbing her hand, you pulled yourself into a standing position, smoothing out your nightgown before following her further down the hallway once again.

“All of your family and friends wanted to say hello when they heard where you are. Especially your dad, he was once your guardian, until I came along of course. He said he is so proud of you, for everthing you have accomplished and overcome.” Tears welled in your eyes again at the thought of your father, the man who had taught you everything there was to know about life. “Grandpa trained me, he raised me to be the best guardian angel to you.”

“What is it like up there?” You questioned, pointing towards the ceiling. She smiled apologetically at you.

You hardly believed in heaven, but this, you hoped was a sign. Since childhood, you had prayed to whatever higher being, whether a person or the stars, that there was something after death. This was your sign, of a home, a place to belong after death. And not just the dark abyss of simply not existing anymore.

“It’s the most beautiful place, one big family…. But you don’t belong there, not yet.” She said, sensing your excitement, your relief.

“What do you mean?” You questioned; looking around, you noticed the words had finished, now just plain walls on either side. “Where are the words?” She pointed towards the darkness with the lamp, a door was standing at the end of the hallway.

“The story isn’t finished yet. They don’t exist, because they haven’t been written yet.” She explained, her voice thick as she spoke. “I never got to meet you mum, not properly. It was always my biggest dream to meet you, to get to know you. But this isn’t the way, nor the time.” Tears started falling from your eyes in big drops, running down your cheeks. “You need to go home, to daddy, to Leah.” Glancing at the door, you looked back at your daughter, she was a picture copy of Spencer.

“Will I get to see you again?” She nodded with a smile.

“I’m always here, whenever you need, I’ll guide you. And when it’s time, we will meet again.”

Turning to the door, you placed your hand on the cool knob, turning it before stepping into the light.

*****

Bright lights blinded you as you stared up at the white ceiling. Warmth surrounded you, sinking deep into your bones, to your heart. You closed your eyes blissfully, relishing in the warmth. The air smelled clean, almost too clean. Quiet chatter could be heard in the background. But you still relished in the warmth that surrounded you.

“Y/N?” Spencer’s voice broke the silence, forcing you to open your eyes. “Y/N?” He jumped up, crowding over you as he stared into your eyes. “Oh my god, you’re okay.” Pulling you into a tight hug, he shook as he cried, his tears staining your gown.

You’re okay.

[anonymousbaev]

RFA+Minor Duo cheating on Mc: (Seven Ver.)

Seven: RFA + Minor Duo’s reaction to Mc living her new life after they cheated on her and she left RFA.

In reference to this post, return to masterlist. *Warning: angst and profanity*

As usual, the large house made it seem so much more empty than it really was. Unconvincing as it was, the absence of one person could make such a vast difference. But then again- that one person would be none other than Saeyoung Choi, and he could make a lot of differences.

Of course, MC was lonely when it came to this, but she understood his career as a secret agent. And for the unforgettable memories they made when he was home, it was nothing unbearable.

That night however MC was asleep in the shared bedroom, the loud clatter coming from the living room enough to wake her. Furrowing her eyebrows in discomfort, she slowly rose to her feet. As shaken she was, she knew it couldn't be anything dangerous, considering all the protection Saeyoung had built around the house.

She fiddled with the string on her nightgown as she opened the door to the sight of Saeyoung in a drunken state, his arms swung around Vanderwood's shoulder for assistance to walk. That had been unexpected, for one, MC knew Saeyoung was a man that would much rather prefer a can of Dr pepper than alcohol. No, actually she knew Saeyoung was someone who didn't even like the thought of touching any alcohol.

"Vand?" MC slowly approached the two as she helped Vanderwood bring Saeyoung into the bedroom.

"Did you two have a lot to drink? Saeyoung... why did he..."

"Sorry MC, I can't really answer any of that. He sorta just came back from his mission like that." He shrugged and checked his watch in a hurry, "Well, I have a mission to get to, see you MC."

She saw him off with a wave and finally looked back towards the bedroom door. Practically, she pranced back like a sheep. Seeing Saeyoung after weeks without him truly felt like a dream.

Although concern was mixed into her feelings, that would have to be a talk for another day- as she didn't want to bother his rest. Knowing him, this, was probably the first times in months Saeyoung finally got a shut eye.

MC sat next to her red headed lover in tranquility, gently moving his hair to take in more of his beautiful features. With a smile, she leaned in to kiss him.

When she got closer however, she noticed a red stain smudged to the left of his lips. And soon enough, questions were rushing inside of her like a blitz. Her eyes wandered further, and worse, noticed the bruised marks of an affair that traced down the skin of her lover.

Her heart began to pound as the poisioning emotions began to drown her in a tide of despair.

The tears threatened to spill as MC clenched onto the hem of his shirt. She only managed to speak out through quiet gasps, "Saeyoung...?"

MC watched as his eyes blinked open and sat up, forcefully and purposely pulling away from her grip. All she could do was stare at him in pain, an adrenaline rushing through her veins as she stood up and screamed, "Why?! Was I not enough? Was it something I said? Something I did?"

Saeyoung stood by her side, but refused to see her, refused to touch her, he only quietly muttered, "Sorry MC, I know I messed up, I know I fucked up. I should of told you, and it's late now. But I don't love you anymore." 

She could've sworn everything was fine, she could've sworn just a month ago they were cuddling in bed as they talked for their future. And now he was denying her, he was pushing her away, and now he was telling her he no longer loved her, "You... don't love me? ...Why? Since when?"

"It's been a while, I just don't see you the same as I had before. It's better this way-"

"Stop, I understand. So I should just leave now, right?" It was unfortunate, he fell out of love when she loved him all the same. But it wasn't something she could change. Although she'd wished he would've told her before he cheated, would it have really hurt any less?

MC put on a cardigan over her nightgown and began to pack her belongings, only small and important ones. She didn't have the time to pack them all. Heartbroken, humiliated, and in pain. All she wanted to do was leave.

"I wish the best for you... and your new partner."

She walked out and turned to see the house that contained so many happy memories.

It was over now. And she tried to comfort herself as she repeated that it was going to be ok.

Now, booked into a hotel room and a small bag with her belongings, she sat in a corner and cried. And really? She couldn't help but wonder... maybe she could've still had his love if she did things differently. And she was startled when she suddenly received a call, one that just added onto a part of her heartbreak.

...

Years passed since MC left Saeyoung's house with little traces of her. Really though, the one thing he didn't expect was for her to leave the RFA without any notice or words as well. At first everyone was angry, really she could've at least told them why. But only Saeyoung knew why, or he thought he did.

Feeling all cooped up from all the hacking he's been doing in his room, Saeyoung decided to take a walk in the park. Really unusual of him. But he changed, since she left.

With a small smile, he sat down at a bench and watched as the petals of the cherry blossom tree fell onto the plaid blankets of families out for a picnic. That really made him remember... at one point, Saeyoung had also... imagined a family with MC.

He missed her.

And as funny as it was, now he was imagining her. Sitting under one of the trees, her hair gently breezing that followed the rhythm the wind had. Sitting, laughing, happy with a man and a child he assumed to be theirs... it all seemed so real...

No, she... she was there. And he wasn't imagining it!

He stood up and walked over as his heart pounded, he could hear every beat of it.

MC turned around shocked to see him, she excused herself from the man and child as she brought Saeyoung to a private corner, "Sae? It's been a while."

The corners tugged up in a smile on her face reached his as he agreed, "It has..."

She looked content, she looked happy, perhaps he was over him now. It's been years afterall. But they couldn't help but feel a bit awkward, being ex-lovers and all.

Silence was soon broken as MC bravely spoke up and started, "About the RFA and leaving it so suddenly... it had nothing to do with you, nothing to do with us."

MC took a moment to look up at his golden eyes as she continued, "A lot happened that day Saeyoung. My life crushed down, I wished you were there, but that day... you were also a part of my misery... But that's not an excuse to just leave something as important as the RFA. I don't deserve to go back and show my face to all of the members, and I feel like I've just become another Rika, funny when I absolutely hated being compared and now I exactly followed in her footsteps..."

Saeyoung smiled as he simply shook his head, without a doubt in mind, "Are you happy now MC?"

She only nodded her head in confusion as he continued, "Then that's all that matters MC. They're more worried for you than anything. You're not following in anyone's footsteps, and if you're in a good place now... they'll be happy for you, I'm happy for you, we know you deserve it."

She stared at him astonished, and touched. Saeyoung noticed the man she had been with walking over with their child in his arms. Saeyoung's heart stung a bit to the sight of that, but he had said it himself. He was happy for her.

"I just remembered I had some work to finish. You're always welcomed back to the RFA with welcomed arms..." He waved at her with a chuckle and turned away to return home...

[nicka-nell]

New prompt! New prompt! N e w p r o m p t! ✪ ω ✪ So I hope I understand rules right, but if not - I'm so sorry. May I request Sawamura Daichi + childhood friends + fluff + 23 + 36 and Aizawa Shota + kiss at midnight + fluff + 1 + 31?

Midnight Kiss (Aizawa x reader)

Childhood friends to lovers (Sawamura x reader)

Oh hiii! ♥ I hope you are fine :)) Ahhh and thank you for the request. You understand the rules right yes :)) So let’s go!

Valentine’s Day - Prompt Event | Masterlist (coming soon)

Pairing: Aizawa x reader (kiss at midnight) Warning: just fluff  Prompts: 1.  “I missed being with you like this.“ 31. “Can I play with your hair?”

Again, you sit here, looking out into the dark sky, into the night full of stars, hoping Aizawa will be fine. Last time you heard from him was four days ago. A good night’s text, a message that he thinks of you and you should try to sleep. Nothing more. 

He is together with other top heroes in a battle against the villains. They work undercover and actually you shouldn’t know about it, but Aizawa could not just leave you in the dark. 

You haven’t seen him for ten days. For ten days you didn’t feel his warmth and sat alone outside on your terrace. Still sitting alone drinking your now-lukewarm tea. Even today he doesn’t come anymore. Admit to yourself, as you look into your empty teacup and change the cold of the night, by the warmth of your apartment to lie down in your shared bed. Without him. 

Another four days pass, in which you sit every evening on your terrace. Drinking tea and going to bed. Over two weeks have passed, the fifteenth night is coming.

Again, you sit in your sleeping clothes on the terrace, the long sleeves of your cardigan lie over your hands, while your tea cup is already empty and is now illuminated by the bright moon. He’s not here again. You sigh, hide your tears and close your eyes. You want to stay in the chilly night air for a minute. Sense the cold air on your skin for another minute. But it suddenly gets warm around your shoulders.

Aizawa is strongly convinced that you are already asleep. After all, it’s midnight. Therefore, he sneaks carefully into your apartment, only to acknowledge that the living room light is on and the bedroom door is still wide open.

Skeptically, he looks into it, finds there only an empty made bed, as he goes into the living room to see if you are not perhaps asleep on the couch. But you’re not there either. Instead, a slight breeze blows a strand of hair out of his face, causing him to look in the door's direction. He can look out into the free where he sees the person who gives him so much comfort.

Quietly you look at the sky, smiling a little while resting on the floor on a seat cushion, next to you an empty cup of tea. He doesn’t notice, but his corners of his mouth have slightly pulled up as he looks at your silhouette.

Again he goes back to the bedroom, fetches your thick blanket and steps together with it outside on the terrace. 

Quietly he sneaks up on you, lays the blanket over his and your body, before he silently pulls you from behind in his embrace. You say nothing either. Let his arms hold you to his body while he gives you a loving kiss on the crown.

Aizawa is not a man of big words. He’s not a person who reveals his emotions, but he would lie if he said he didn’t miss you. Although he never had a photo of you with him, because the fear was too big that the villains could do something to you, should they catch Aizawa. Still, he always had your picture before his eyes.

Your beautiful smile when you greet him with coffee in the morning. Your pouting when Aizawa had once again forgotten to eat the food you lovingly prepared for him. Your embarrassed gaze when you pulled on the zipper of his yellow sleeping bag to ask him to let you in and cuddle. He had really missed all that.

And now he is with you, has you in his arms, can feel your warmth on his skin, perceive your scent, watch you, while you can listen to the crickets chirping in peace. His arms pull you closer to him. Almost steal you the air out to breathe.

“I missed being with you like this.” His voice is serious, yet calm and full of love, as his thumbs caress your arms and he buries his head like a cat purring in the crook of your neck. Tired, Aizawa closes his eyes, enjoys the moment as your hand strolls towards his head and begins to scratch it.

You breathe with joy, smiling at the almost sleeping man on your shoulder as his lips separate and he lures up to you under his long eyelashes. “Can you turn to me, Y/n?” Although you are surprised that he is suddenly so touchy, you are also happy about his affection. After all, you missed him.

So you turn around, get closer to him to sit on his lap. But your smile fades. You gently pat him over his face, the beard stubble that has now almost become a real beard, over the large plaster that adorns his temple and think that he could probably have more injuries.

But your hand does not remain on his skin for long, as Aizawa’s hand wraps around your own and pulls it away from him, only to kiss your ankles afterwards. “Hey, kitten, it’s all right. Don’t look so sad.” 

Brooding, you try to believe him, try to smile as you look into his raven-black eyes. “Only on one condition.” You smile, but Aizawa doesn’t answer. He’s just looking at you, asking you with his gaze to continue.

“Can I play with your hair?” Of course you wanted that. Aizawa could have figured that out himself. You love burying your fingers in his hair, stroking them, playing with them. It always calmed you down, and he has to admit that it calms him down oddly too.

A slim smile spreads out on his lips, followed by a wordless nod which makes your face sparkle. The most beautiful sight for him.

Still on his lap, you braid his hair, humming happily and calming down in no time. You are sure that it will also calm Aizawa down, because his hands are no longer firmly around your body, meanwhile patting your back gently, while he has his eyes closed and tilts his head backwards.

For a while you linger like this until he bends his head slightly forward and looks at you with tired eyes. You notice how his grip gets a little tighter again, but not more tightly due to stress or tension, no more so, whether he is nervous, afraid of what he’s about to say.

“Y/n… You could really do this for hours… You know? I kind of like the way your little fingers glide through my hair.” Briefly he pauses, almost as if he is not sure to pronounce his next words. “If we ever have a daughter, you can both do it as long as you want.” His voice is confident, yet loving, while his gaze lies earnestly in yours.

You’re surprised by his words. He had never talked about own children. Always about his school class. However, it makes you happy, happy that he had thought about such a step. Happy that he apparently wants to make that step with you.

“Sounds good Shouta my love.” You smile happily and want to get up to go back to the warm with him. Since even if you’re clothed in the blanket, it’s cold outside. But his hands stop you, pull you up to him, so that your face is only a few inches away from his.

Embarrassed, he pokes your nose with his, gives you a nose kiss that makes you smile before he seals your quiet giggle with a proper kiss. Full of love, his warm lips press on yours, his beard tickles you a bit, but that doesn’t bother you right now.

For a moment, he loosens from your mouth, looks deep into your eyes, forehead pressed against forehead. “I love you Y/n. Let’s stay like this a little longer.” He whispers softly before closing his eyes to steal another kiss from your lips.

Pairing: Sawamura x reader (childhood friends) Warning: just fluff Prompts: 23. “I’ve been in-love with you since we were kids.” 36. “I like the way your hand fits in mine.”

Like every year, Valentine’s Day is the day you hate the most. These couples in love running through the city, taking photos of themselves and buying themselves completely overpriced gifts they don’t really need. Only love movies run on the TV and there is nothing else but the topic of love.

“Same shit repeatedly!” You curse while sitting on the sofa. You are still wearing your sweatpants, a wide shirt and plush socks while you cuddle up in your blanket and watch the third love film with a large cup of ice cream.

You’re annoyed that the same thing happens in every movie. The two young people know each other from an early age. Fall in love with other people to find out in the end that they only loved one person. And that’s the childhood friend. In the end, they are always a couple and live happily together.

You don’t know why, but you must think directly of Sawamura. About the fact that you two have known each other since the sandbox. Sawamura has always been an incredible man. No wonder some girls are after him. But you and him?

You’ve always been superb friends. The idea of kissing your best friend… Just as you want to think further, your vibrating cell phone gets you out of your mind. Surprised, you look at your display on which the name of Sawamura lights up.

Man of justice: There, there! What’s up with my little couch potato? Are you watching those stupid movies again? What do you say we go out and don’t think about that Valentine’s Day stuff? I’ll be there in 20 minutes?

Even though you were cold through the ice cream, you feel like your entire body is blazing like fire. You’re happy about Sawamura’s message. About him wanting to do something with you. Strangely enough, more than usual.

In a flash, you get up, barely answer him that you are waiting for him and go to your closet to find something to wear. You don’t realize that you grabbed the outfit that Sawamura likes best on you. Where each time he had laid his hand in the neck embarrassed and told you how the color and cut flatters you.

Also, you have your hair as well as he likes it most. All that subconsciously, but now that you’re standing in front of the mirror, you realize it. You want to look good for Sawamura. Your body wasn’t warm because you were under the blanket, no it was warm because you were happy about Sawamura’s message. Are you in love with him...?

No, it’s all just because of Valentine’s Day. Shaking your head, you look at your phone one last time to check the time when you hear the doorbell ringing and run like a happy toddler to the door.

Even though he knows you’re about to open the door, it feels like forever. But when he sees you standing in front of him, he forgets to breathe for a moment. You look incredible. Breathtaking, enchanting, like a real, beautiful woman.

“Daichi? Everything okay with you?” Brings him your voice back to the present, while you wave your hand at him, as if you want to see him react. 

He is sure that his cheeks are red; he is sure that his voice will sound equally strange when he opens his mouth to answer you. “Sure! Anyway, let’s go, huh?” He answers you in an odd bright tone.

But you think nothing of it. Pat him on the shoulder and walk past him. In a funny way you bend forward, stretch one arm in the road's direction and bend the other to signal Sawamura to follow you. 

“Please… After you, my dear sir.” You say in a voice that should imitate a butler, as Sawamura laughs and pulls you along by your hand.

Together you walk through the park. As everywhere else, they set many stalls up for Valentine’s Day. Many couples walk hand in hand through the area. Everyone has roses, teddy bears, chocolate or any other cheesy stuff in their hands, which only makes your eyes roll. But Sawamura only laughs.

“Come on, leave the poor lovebirds alone. They’re all madly in love.” He smiles, which causes your pulse to speed up. If it’s his smile? Or his hand that suddenly touches your back gently? You don’t know, but for some inexplicable reason, you feel strange around him today.

The brown-haired one notices that you do not answer him, just looks at him lost in thought and is not sure if he has not said something wrong. Pondering, he puts his hand down his neck and looks carefully around the park. 

“Say Y/n… Are you maybe hungry? Should I get us two portions of the dumplings over there? They look good, don’t you think?” But you just shake your head. You’re still full of that cup of ice cream you ate at home, but it’s too embarrassing for you to tell Sawamura. So you tell him you’re not very hungry, but you’d like to share a portion with him.

Nodding, he makes his way to the stall, while you wait for him leaning against a wall. You’re watching him from a distance, how he, with his hands in the pocket of his coat, swaying back and forth on his legs, waiting for the line in which he is standing to get smaller.

“That such a pretty girl like you is all alone in this park is really a crime. Don’t you think?” Disgusted, you look aside, where that voice came from, when you look into the face of a young man who has already fixed you as his prey.

“I’m not alone.” You answer only annoyed and go a step further away from him, but that does not interest him, because he has already filled the gap with his body. “Hm, can’t see a person next to you.” Again, this man grins, and again you want to take a step backwards as you feel a hand on your lower back gently hugging your body and pulling you away from the man.

“Are you all right, sweetheart?” Kisses Sawamura’s loving words, your ears and makes your cheeks glow. “Yeah… everything’s alright.” You answer irritated, but play along with him, because you want to get away from this man.

“Good. Then let’s go. If you’ll excuse us.” With these words, Sawamura gives the man a dark look, which you do not notice. You’re too caught up in this brief illusion that Sawamura’s words could be true. 

But even as you turn around, Sawamura looks back at the man who stares at you with tight eyes when your best friend reaches for your hand. It is warm and incredibly soft. Yet, ironically, it’s big and strong wrapped around your little one.

Unconsciously, you bite your lower lip, trying to hide a smile, because this tiny touch makes you so happy. But you don’t seem to be the only one who likes it. Then Sawamura’s gaze is already on your face, walking down to your hands linked.

“I like the way your hand fits in mine.” He smiles as he raises your hand with his, as if he wanted to show you what he meant by that. Puzzled, you just stare at him with your mouth open, not noticing that you are standing in front of a bench where you wanted to sit down to eat your food.

“Come on, sit down and eat before the food gets cold.” He has barely finished his sentence, since his warmth has already left your hand. Smiling, he pats on the empty seat, asking you to sit next to him.

You sit there together now, eating your differently filled dumplings, while you wonder what Sawamura meant by the fact that your hand fits so well into his. 

“I’m really sorry about that guy. But I didn’t want to make a big fuss, so I thought it best to just call you my girlfriend. I’m really sorry if that made you uncomfortable Y/n.” Apologizes Sawamura, who has already eaten half of his dumpling. 

But you’re just mumbling that it’s okay. That you didn’t mind, you even thanked him for pulling you away from that guy. Instead of answering you, he turns back to his bun with a smile which you do too.

It tastes really delicious, is filled with an insanely tasty cream and stimulates your hunger. Sawamura would certainly like this cream, too, you think, as your heart beats a few beats faster. Why do you speculate about him so much suddenly?

“Do you want to try? The stuffing is really delicious!” Now it bubbles out of you, and your cheeks pound with warmth. Even a little overwhelmed by your loud voice, he startles briefly before he smiles again and puts his hand around yours as he leads it to his mouth.

Embarrassed, you watch him clasp your hands and bite off a piece. He chews pleasurably when his hand leaves yours. Sawamura notices that you are still looking at him, sees that your gaze is suddenly different.

“Are you okay, Y/n?” But you don’t answer him. Brooding, he looks down at his dumpling, which is almost eaten when he stretches it out to you and asks you if you want a piece too.

Actually, you are already full, but Sawamura keeps the bun so close to your face that you can not help but take a bite. Although it is quite hearty, it tastes delicious. Sawamura also seems to recognize this by your satisfied face, and by the fact that a bit of the cream filling sticks to your cheek.

He chuckles as he uses his free hand to position it under your chin and uses his thumb to remove the food. Embarrassingly, you freeze by his touch, by the incredible closeness, since Sawamura is now only a few inches away from you.

“What’s wrong with you today, Y/n? You’re acting weird.” His deep voice embeds your body. “Nothing…” You stutter, turn away from him and quietly eat up your dough bag without even looking in Sawamura’s direction once more.

You sit there in silence, with your stomachs full, and look at the giggling, kissing couples. But you want to break this unpleasant calm. Want to ask him if you’d rather do something else than sit in a park, but a whole other question slipping your lips.

“What did you mean earlier? That my hands fit so well into yours?” Frightened by your question, you put your hands on your mouth, but Sawamura scratches his neck awkward when he turns to you and seeks eye contact.

“You know, I kind of had to think about the past. Because I always helped you up when you fell. And back then, I thought it was cute how well your little hand fitted into mine.” Almost a little disappointed, your fingers slide down from your lips to your lap. You don’t understand why your heart suddenly feels so weird. Why it hurts, even though nothing bad has happened.

Again you look forward as Sawamura’s hand sits on your lap. “Earth to Y/n!” He laughs, but you don’t. You just stare at him before you wander at the hand in your lap. Unconsciously, your fingertips are moving towards them. Turn his hand before they tickle his palm.

Instinctively you stroll to the one place where Sawamura always twitches with his little finger when you tickle him there and have to smile unintentionally. Back then, you thought it was lovable. That he was still doing it is really sweet.

“Say Y/n… Can I tell you something without you getting mad at me?” His calm voice gets you out of your mind. Afraid you’ll swallow a giant lump. You’re afraid he’ll tell you something that makes you sad, but you nod.

“Okay, I’ll just say it straight ahead… I like you. No, I mean, I like you more than a normal friend would do. I love you. I’ve been in-love with you since we were kids.”

He… loves you? Sawamura Daichi, your best friend, your childhood friend should love you? Your feelings are no longer in harmony. They are going crazy. They show you at the same time that you feel fear but also joy. Let your heart race.

“I… I don’t know what to say, Daichi… The thing is… I feel really weird around you today. My heart feels odd, my stomach tingles and… And I don’t know why, but somehow I was hoping… You saying that to me…” 

Your last words are so quiet that the brown-haired man hardly understands them.

“But I don’t know if I feel that way just because it’s Valentine’s Day? I don’t know, Daichi… I don’t understand myself right now.” He sees the fear in your eyes. The fear he had before he confessed his feelings to you. The fear he still has, the fear of being rejected. But you don’t reject him.

Because your hands press the hand that lies on your lap so firmly that Sawamura almost senses the feeling of numbness in it. He just smiles, hopes to take away the fear you and bends forward.

He removes the last inches that still separated your face to give you a loving kiss on the cheek. “It’s all right, Y/n.” Take your time, I can tell you all this again in two weeks, when you don’t think about Valentine’s Day anymore.” 

He whispers to you with his eyes closed before he gives you a poke with his nose and moves away from you again.

But you don’t need two weeks. Then, in the evening, you lie on the sofa in Sawamura’s arms, surrounded by silence, listening to him revel in old memories while he plays with your fingertips in a loving way.

[mxblurps]

i’ve always loved you

genre: fluff, smut

word count: 4.9 k

summary: you and taehyung have been best friends for as long as you could remember. you didn’t realize, but things were changing. were they for the better or worse?

“oh shut up, taehyung!” you shouted.

taehyung is your lifetime best friend. he and your parents grew up together and moved in right next to each other. you and taehyung were neighbors growing up. your parents being close to his, you were basically forced to grow up with him.

the two of you are now 23 and 24, him being older. as soon as you graduated high school, you both decided to move into an apartment together. your days were spent either at work, school, or with taehyung. you worked at the cafe around the corner during the weeks. you normally had afternoon classes so it didn’t disturb your mornings and nights. you were an undecided major so you spent your classes figuring out what you wanted to do. taehyung attended the same school, majoring in photography, and minoring in film and video studies. he was very big in the arts. he was always walking around with his camera on his neck. on weekends you found yourselves in the club, getting relief from the week.

“what, jagiya? i’m just messing around!” he explained. you two were at the club, talking about a guy who keeps flirting.

“i’m just not interested. let’s just dance!” you grabbed taehyung by his wrists and dragged him to the dance floor. the two of you were so close it didn’t matter how you danced. you made sure that nobody would come up to either of you.

you had your back against taehyung’s grinding against him. you could feel the bulge against your back, but you just let it be, wanting to dance the night away.

taehyung knew he had a bulge, but just like you, he didn’t care. he wanted you to keep dancing against him, forgetting everyone else.

not too long after, the night had come to an end, and the two of you made your way back home. when you entered through the door, taehyung had his arm around you, helping you keep your balance.

“i’m never drinking again.” you slur.

“you say that every time,” he spoke. letting a little laugh slip from his lips.

taehyung helped you to your room, laying you down in bed. he slipped off your shoes for you and grabbed pajamas. nights like this were normal for you, he would help you get undressed and ready for bed, making sure you went to sleep safe and sound.

after he knew you were sleeping, he snuck out of your door. he sat on the couch, turning on the tv and finding something to watch. on nights like these, he couldn’t find it in him to sleep just yet. he liked to stay awake just a bit longer just in case something went wrong.

what felt like forever, was only five minutes of sleep. you felt terrible and needed to empty your stomach. as the feeling quickly grew, you rolled out of bed and ran to the bathroom. on your way there, taehyung saw you running, and ran after. as you hung your head over the toilet, he held your hair back for you and rubbed your back.

“it’ll be okay, baby. just let it out.” taehyung was always sweet when it came to you. he knew how to take care of you best.

you find it to be soothing to be with taehyung. he’s always taken good care of you. and no matter what, nothing ever gets awkward. you both have discussed that it’s just best to do whatever without making it personal, and you both have made sure you kept your word.

“i think i’m done.” you croak.

taehyung leaves for a second, and comes back with a cup of water. “here, wash out your mouth.”

you grab the cup from him and head to the sink. you take a gulp, swish it around in your mouth and spit it back out.

“are you feeling okay?” he looked at you sincerely. “i think so.”

“alright, let’s get you back to bed, beautiful.”

the two of you walked back to your room. taehyung helped tuck you back in. “are you sure you’re okay?”

“yes, taehyung.”

he then walked out to get you another glass of water and some medicine. he walked back in and you had already fallen back to sleep. smiling to himself, he walked over and placed the things on your nightstand. he rubbed the top of your head, and kissed your forehead. “goodnight.”

taehyung snuck back into the living room, resuming what he was watching. slowly drifting into a deep sleep, taehyung fell on the couch and fell asleep.

the sun was shining brightly into the living room; falling onto taehyung’s face. he then woke up and got up to check in on you. you were still sleeping so he decided to hop in the shower.

what happened? you thought. the last thing you remember is dancing with taehyung. you took the medicine that was on your nightstand and got up to make breakfast. when you got into the kitchen, you grabbed a bowl, cereal, and milk, and sat down to eat. shortly after you began eating, taehyung walked out of the bathroom.

“well hello, sexy,” you said with a smirk on your face. taehyung was dressed in only a towel around his waist. water dripping from his muscular body. he pushed back his hair and greeted you.

“are you feeling better?”

“seeming i don’t know what happened, i guess so.”

“well that’s good.” he walked over and kissed the top over your head. “wanna go get some coffee after i get dressed?” he asked.

“sure!” you quickly finished eating and ran to your room to get dressed. today you decided to wear white slip on vans, light ripped jeans, a white shirt, and a tan cardigan. you threw on some lip gloss and walked out of your room.

“what a great day to bring my camera!” he exclaimed. “you bring your camera every day you dork!” you smiled.

the two of you walked out of the door with your arms linked. you reached the main floor and headed to the cafe. the cafe was just a few minutes away so you always walked.

you eventually arrived at the cafe and took a seat at one of the round tables along the window. your friend that works there was working today and spoke, “the usuals?” in unison, you both responded, “yes!”

for a while, you spent your time just talking about random things. your favorite thing was to spend time at the cafe. although you worked there, you adored the place. it wasn’t anything special. it was just a little cafe on a corner.

taehyung spent his time sipping on his coffee and taking pictures of you. by now you’ve gotten used to him taking pictures of you. you used to be shy when he would ask to take pictures of you, but since it’s grown on you, you willingly pose for him.

“smile pretty!” he said.

“oh so you’re saying my smile isn’t pretty all the time?” you joked.

“of course your smile is pretty. i’m just reminding you.”

you just laughed and went back to what you were doing.

the two of you stayed there for a bit longer and then decided to go back home. when you got home, you microwaved some popcorn and watched movies together for the rest of the night. when you sat down on the couch, you grabbed the throw blanket and cuddled up next to taehyung. you made sure that you were always the little spoon. very rarely you allowed him to be the little spoon, only because he would put on a front and give you puppy dog eyes.

eventually, you realized that it was past midnight, but you didn’t mind. sometimes you liked falling asleep in taehyung’s arms, you fall asleep easier when wrapped in his warmth.

taehyung pulled you closer and sighed in your ear. he felt at home when holding you. something in him made his heart flutter when he was with you. instead of thinking too much of it, he just pushed it aside for now.

you both eventually fell asleep while cuddling each other. throughout the night you stayed in your position. your body subconsciously grew accustomed to taehyung’s body.

when the morning came around the sunlight beamed into the living room waking you and taehyung up. you were the first to wake, quickly shutting off the tv after realizing it had been on all night. shortly after just sitting around, you got up and went to take a shower.

you went to your room to grab your things and went to the bathroom. you started the shower and got rid of your clothes. before hopping in, you sat and thought to yourself. why am i suddenly getting butterflies in my stomach when i’m around taehyung? throughout your shower, that was all you could think about. recently, you could feel your cheeks start to heat up when you could feel taehyung’s eyes on you. while walking next to him, you would get chills all over your body when your arms would bump into each other.

realizing how long you have been in the shower, you quickly finished up and hopped out. you wrapped your towel around your body and walked out. when you opened the door, the smell of freshly cooked bacon hit your face.

“something smells good!” you spoke.

taehyung turned around to you sitting on the stool in a towel. he was frozen due to your lack of clothes and hesitated to speak. “uh, thanks, haha.” you could hear his voice shake.

“everything okay?”

“uh, yeah. want some breakfast?” he asked.

“absolutely!”

taehyung set a plate in front of you on the countertop. looking down, you saw the plate covered with pieces of bacon, two over-easy eggs, and pancakes.

“wow, what’s the occasion?” you laughed.

“no occasion, just wanted to make breakfast for my favorite person.” he smiled.

you sat on the stool eating your breakfast from the counter, and taehyung held his plate leaning against the wall. the two of you mainly just ate, enjoying the taste in your mouth. the conversation would spark here and there, but it always went back to being silent. with the room quiet, you couldn’t help but think of what you thought about in the shower. that same feeling was back in the pit of your stomach. the atmosphere when you were around him felt full of awkwardness. you never knew what to do or say to him.

“y/n, can we talk?”

you felt as if your heart had dropped to your stomach. he’d never ask you to talk, he normally just starts talking about something to you. you had no idea what was happening.

“uh, sure. what about?”

“so there’s this girl that i’ve had feelings for lately. we’ve been good friends for a while now. but i don’t know how to go about it.” while he was talking, his cheeks turned a bright red, and he was avoiding looking at you.

“well, if i were you, i would talk to her about your feelings. the only way you can find out how she feels is if you tell her how you would feel,” you say simply.

it takes a moment before taehyung says anything. he looks as if he is truly having trouble with this. normally, he was a lady’s man. he attracts everyone with his beautiful features. taehyung always knew how to talk to girls and lure them in. why was he having trouble now?

“i think you’re right,” he states. he then cleans up after himself and walks to his room.

that was awkward.

instead of thinking too much about it, you decided to clean up after yourself. you noticed that the sink was getting a little full, so you spent some time cleaning up. after doing the dishes, you just spent the rest of the day by yourself. taehyung hid in his room trying his best to avoid you.

later in the night, you decided to go pick up yours and taehyung’s favorite takeout, korean bbq. you know what taehyung likes to eat from there, so you decided to get him some. when you got home, you decided that you would eat with him to try and cheer him up.

you walked towards his room and knocked lightly just in case he was sleeping. he mumbled so quietly that you almost missed him saying “come in.” you walked in his room holding up the bag, shaking it lightly, and smiled to him.

“look what i have taehyung!”

taehyung turned and sat up from laying on his side, and smiled seeing what you had in your hand. “you didn’t have to do that, angel.” he said, still smiling.

“yes, i did. you’ve been hiding out in your room. i had to cheer you up somehow!” you laughed.

“come here, let’s eat on my bed,” he stated.

“i don’t wanna make a mess.”

“oh don’t worry, it’ll be fine.”

you walked towards his bed setting the bag down. you grabbed out all of the food items and set his food in front of him. after grabbing all of the food, you threw his set of chopsticks at him.

“hey, that was rude!”

the two of you just laughed for a quick second, and then dug into your food. just like breakfast, it was mostly spent in silence while you both enjoyed your food. you didn’t normally get this because it was expensive, so you made sure to savor every last bite. taehyung did the same thing.

“y/n,” taehyung spoke.

after finishing the bite you had been taking, you looked up at him. he had his food set down on his bed and he was looking into your eyes. he noticed you still chewing so he continued.

“remember what i talked to you about this morning?” you nodded.

“well, i decided to take your advice and tell this girl. at first, i didn’t know how to because this girl is such a big part of my life, and i didn’t want anything to turn out bad and ruin what we have. but, y/n, that girl is you.”

you were still eating when he finished talking. you were shocked. you have been thinking so hard on what the feeling was in your stomach. and you didn’t know until now, at this moment, this was why. once he said that, your stomach sunk. you felt the blush creep up on your face and turn it red. you gently placed your food on the bed and you still chewed on your food. am i dreaming?

after staying silent for a bit longer than taehyung expected, he started apologizing to you. “i’m so sorry, y/n, i knew i should’ve kept it to myself. i’m sorry. oh my god.”

taehyung had his head down while talking, feeling defeated. he didn’t notice when you stood up and walked over to him. you took your hand and placed it on his cheek, lifting his face.

“i like you too,” you said.

he then looked up at you with hope in his eyes. he looked so adorable and vulnerable. you could look at him forever.

“do you really?” he asked, and you could hear the hope in his voice.

“yes, you dork!”

he pulled you in by the legs and hugged you super hard. his face was squished against your stomach, and you could see the big smile on his face. your heart was beating so fast. you were so happy.

taehyung then pulled back to look at you. while taking in the sight of you, he licked his lips, he adored you. when he licked his lips, you couldn’t help but stare. his lips looked so nice. you would love to just kiss him.

he noticed you staring at his lips, which then turned him on after realizing how long you were staring. he loved that he could see how much you wanted him.

taehyung broke your stare by standing up, bringing you into a kiss. the kiss was fast but was a good pace. you could feel how soft his lips were. taehyung nipped at your bottom lip, and it made the kiss ten times better. you would have never guessed he was this good at kissing. it was such a basic thing, yet you would do anything for this to last forever.

as if you weren’t close enough, he pulled you closer to him by your hips. his hands were roaming all over your body. he had his hands in your hair, holding the back of your neck, holding your face, rubbing down your back, tugging at your lips, and squeezing your butt. if this was his only moment with you, he would make sure everything happens.

realizing that food was all over the bed, taehyung picked you up and went to your room. he had you twist the handle, and he kicked open the door. he walked over to your bed and placed you down on your back.

he went back to kissing you, then traveled down to your jaw, and then your neck. he made sure to leave dark purple spots. his hands were resting on your sides under your shirt, casually rubbing up and down, wanting to explore. instead of him asking, you quickly took off your shirt and unclasped your bra. taehyung stood shocked but was quick to move. although he was quick to explore every part of you, he made sure to take his time while exploring.

after leaving love marks on different parts of your stomach, he took a nipple in his mouth. he massaged your boobs while kissing and sucking on your nipple. he then switched over to the other nipple to show it the same love.

although he hasn’t done much to you, he had you a moaning mess. his touch sent goosebumps down your arms and legs. he knew exactly what he was doing.

taehyung was trailing around the hem of your sweats. he didn’t know how to ask because he was unsure of how you were with stuff like this.

“it’s okay, you can go ahead,” you reassured. he then looked up at you to double check. you nodded at him to give him the okay, and he moved. he slid down your sweats slowly, making sure to tease you. when pulling down your sweatpants, he made sure he grabbed your panties too. before coming back to you, taehyung took his shirt off so that way you weren’t the only one unclothed.

he lifted you and pushed you further up on the bed. he opened your legs and kissed his way down your stomach. he slowly but surely got closer to your most needy part. when he was on top, he blew air on you, sending shivers up your spine. instead of wasting more time, he finally licked a stripe from bottom to top, sending more shivers up your spine. he started by licking circles around your clit. while doing so, he stuck his fingers up by your mouth, and you sucked them off. leaving a coat of your saliva on his fingers, he rubbed your pussy and stuck them inside. when he was inside, he started slow, but then reached a fast pace. he made sure to curl his fingers inside of you, going knuckle deep, to hit your g spot. taehyung was working on you so good you couldn’t find it in you to hold any moans back. you kept repeating his name over and over again. he loved the sound of his name better coming out as a moan.

“mm, fuck. i’m close, taehyung.”

as soon as your words slipped out, he pulled away from you. you whined wondering why he had pulled out.

“you gotta make me feel good too, baby.”

you froze for a second not registering what he had just said. once you finally realized what was said you finally moved. you got yourself off of the bed and stood right in front of him. before going down, you kissed him just a bit more. after you had your fill, you ultimately went down. on your way down, you grabbed the hem of his sweats and boxers and brought them down with you.

his dick was rock solid and sprung free from the tight hold of his boxers. as you slid them off, he let out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding in. before doing anything, you were once again frozen. he was much bigger than expected. he was good in girth and length. he had a vein that trailed under from bottom to top, and his tip was an angry red.

at first, you started by stroking him. you were getting a feel of how big he was. while feeling him up, here and there you made sure to play with his balls, to add just a bit more feeling. when you felt you were full of the feeling of him in your hand, you decided to start with licking a stripe from the base of his cock, all the way up to his tip. you left little kisses all over, and then put him in your mouth. with that motion, a groan slipped through his lips. hearing him gave you the motivation to go deeper. you made sure to keep your breaths steady by breathing every time you slid him out of your mouth. eventually, you worked your way down him, to the point your nose was touching his stomach. while working on him, you could feel that taehyung was getting close. he was grabbing onto your hair with a tighter grip now, and he would push your head down onto him at a quicker pace. you purposely pulled off of him just like he did you, making sure that he wasn’t going to cum yet.

“oh really?”

you couldn’t do anything but nod your head. you didn’t have it in you to say any words.

taehyung pulled you up by having a grip on the back of your neck. he then laid you down on your bed and started kissing you again. he slid his tongue in your mouth, already gaining dominance over you.

“taehyung,” he looked up at you. “please, just fuck me already.” he then smirked at you and shook his head. “impatient little baby.”

taehyung took his cock in his hands and pumped it a few times. he then guided himself to you and rubbed himself up and down your walls. the movement making the two of you shiver. he finally aligned himself with you and pushed in.

he took his time pushing in, making sure that you were okay. he kept eye contact with you the entire time to see if there would be any signs of you not liking it. everything seemed to be okay, so he bottomed out in you. you could feel when he bottomed down, and you had another shiver go down your spine. he felt so good inside of you. you couldn’t believe it’s taken this long for this to happen.

after waiting a bit, he started moving. he began with slow strokes, still wanting to make sure you were okay. he was kissing along your jawline when you spoke, “faster, f-faster.” you scratched at his back at the sensation of it all. you had goosebumps all over your body. and to your wish, taehyung started to move faster. he grabbed your hips and set a pace for himself. you could feel his fingers digging into your sides and you enjoyed it. you found it hot that he is so into you that his grip is super tight. his strokes kept you scratching at his back, and he loved that burning feeling. he didn’t want you to stop.

after keeping up with missionary, he decided to flip you over and lift your hips. he kept his hands placed at your hips, but your hands found their way to the sheets. he moved one of your hands to the back of your neck to push you further into the sheets while fucking you. never once did noises stop coming from your mouth. taehyung unraveled you like it was nothing. here and there taehyung would switch his hand position to pulling on your hair, or choking you from behind. you didn’t matter what he was doing to you, you would give him everything he wanted.

instead of having his hand on your upper body, he moved it to circle your clit. he was close, so he was ready for you to finish with him. from him rubbing your clit to fucking you, you could feel the knot in your stomach ready to burst.

“ngh, i’m gonna cum, daddy.” the words slipped from your lips so fast taehyung couldn’t wrap his mind about it. he was ready to empty himself in you after hearing you call him that.

“fuck, fuck, fuck, y/n,” he said.

the two of you fell apart together. you gripped the sheets harder, and taehyung’s head fell back. he thrusted into you until the both of you were done. he slowly pulled out, wincing in unison. taehyung left to go to the bathroom to grab a wet towel to bring back and help clean you up. once he came back he told you to lay back and relax as he cleaned you up. he left again to dispose of the towel and came back with a cup of water so you could fully relax. he climbed back in bed with you and covered the both of you with the blanket.

you both lay in your bed, trying to catch your breath. he was laying down on his back while you were running your pointer finger up and down his arm while laying your head on his chest.

the two of you found yourselves in a deep sleep due to exhaustion. the entire night your bodies were glued to each other. if you rolled over, taehyung instinctively rolled over with and wrapped his arm around you.

the next morning you were woken up to an empty bed. you laid there in your bed for a few minutes, letting your body adjust to being awake. you decided to finally crawl out of bed and make some breakfast.

while making a bowl of cereal, you scrolled on your phone to see any updates for today. you were off for the day and had nothing planned.

you realized how you had no social life except for work, school, and taehyung. you didn’t mind though, you liked not having a ton of people bugging you.

still scrolling on your phone, a new notification on your phone popped up.

from taehyungie💞✨: im sorry that i left baby, i was running late tor work, i hope that u slept well :)

y/n: its okay, i understand!

taehyungie💞✨: i had a really great night last night. ive been waiting forever for that night to happen

y/n: oh stop!🥺

taehyungie💞✨: 😂😂

taehyungie💞✨: hey y/n, are u busy today?

y/n: i dont think so, why?

taehyungie💞✨: do u wanna have dinner with me after i get home from work?

y/n: sure! where do u wanna go :)?

taehyungie💞✨: its a surprise. just make sure u look as beautiful as u always do

taehyungie💞✨: ill be back home a bit after 5

it was about an hour before 5 so you decided it was time to start getting ready. you chose to wear a skin tight dress for tonight's dinner. the black dress showed off your curves in just the right way. you straightened your hair and threw on a layer of lip gloss and sprayed your favorite long-lasting perfume. you wanted to make sure that you were at your best although you grew up with him. while getting ready, you also put on a silver necklace and earrings to match. it was a simple outfit, but it made you look amazing.

5 pm rolled around sooner than later, and you thought it was a good time to put on your nude heels and sit at the counter waiting on taehyung. he already knew what he was going to wear. while rushing for work, he also made sure to put out an outfit to be ready just in case you said yes.

taehyung walked in through the front door and was rushing. he didn’t have time to stop and look as he was running around to get ready. you didn’t know, but he had made reservations at a fancy restaurant while at work, and he had to get ready quickly so you could make it on time. taehyung had finally finished getting ready, adding a special touch of cologne. finally walking out of his room, he stopped and glanced at you. he found himself staring for a good while. you waved your hand around in front of him trying to catch your attention.

“wow.” was all he said.

you put your hand on his chest and took this chance to take in his look. he was wearing an all-black suit, except for his white collared shirt. a tie was too fancy so he opted to not wear it. the top three buttons were undone, making sure to expose some of his chest. his hair was pulled back showing his forehead, and parted down the side. he looked up at you, and the two of you locked eyes. you both stood there looking at each other in silence. you broke away first from embarrassment and you smiled as he spoke.

“i love you.”

this is my first time posting one of my stories, i hope u all enjoy!!🥺💗

[caligobeltrao]

Brahms with an S/O who knits

So I rewatched The Boy... head empty, only Brahms. And apparently he’s the only one I flipping write for I’m sorry I swear I want to write for more people... Also my inbox is empty so if you have requests... please send them? <3 

SO first and foremost, let’s set the scene. You have just been hired as a nanny in the English countryside for a doll named Brahms, there’s no cell service and no wifi, so tbh it’s a great time to knit. 

You fall into his routine quickly, and add your own little knitting breaks in where you can, mostly at night or during music time. 

You start out with small, simple stuff; things you know how to make really easily and don’t take up too much brain space, like dishcloths or a plain garter stitch scarf (or two... or ten...). Things you’ve made a thousand times before. Things that you don’t really take notice of if they go missing. 

Of course they do, but it’s easy to chuck a scarf you’re not going to wear in a drawer and then forget you ever made it. 

It is a little more noticeable when you decide you want to gift Malcolm a particular thing you’ve made (since there’s really nobody else to give things to around here) but can’t find the one you had in mind. 

Which, side note, if it is something like a scarf, he would wear it at every grocery drop off he does from then on. You can’t change my mind. 

But obviously that gets boring. Eventually you ask Malcolm if with his next grocery run he could bring you the yarn you’d want to make a nice blanket. The manor can get chilly, after all, and he agrees. 

When THAT goes missing, you definitely notice. And, assuming you get the warning that Brahms is playful, you can ask for it back and you’ll find it neatly folded up on his bed the next day. Which is when you decide to start making things for Brahms. 

It’s perfect! It’s a judgement-free way to practice your skills, AND you can make you and the doll matching sweaters. How fucking cute is that??? 

Malcolm thinks this is... slightly more odd. Worrying, maybe. Especially if you, like me, would have taken to treating the doll like a real child from the get-go. 

But you’re keeping yourself busy, he can’t fault you for that lol. 

Anyway, Brahms LOVES this turn of events. He loves seeing you and him (his effigy at least) in matching sweaters! He loves the little socks you knit for him, especially his new sleep time socks! He loves how proud you are when you slip his little knitted cap and scarf and gloves on! 

What he doesn’t like is when something is new or difficult for you and watching you rip out your work because you dropped a stitch, or looking at a previously finished work a few weeks later and deciding you hate it so you rip it out or just throw it away if you don’t think you can salvage the yarn. 

Well... he doesn’t mind you throwing them out, so much, because he’ll just... snatch that right up. It’s your work! You made it for him and it’s beautiful! How dare you be so critical on yourself! >:( 

Even worse is the disappointment the first time you try to knit him a sweater and you measured the doll incorrectly so it doesn’t fit. :( He hates seeing you sad. 

Back to your perspective though, it’s much nicer to have someone (something) to knit for. Plus, he has to wear and appreciate your items. He’s a doll, he’ll wear whatever you put on him and in your mind, he loves it lol. So there’s no chance of the resentment or anger or disappointment you get when you make something for a family member and they just never use it. 

You also knit him his own blanket for his bed, which real Brahms obviously takes immediately. That’s what started all of this, after all. And you would take the time to stitch a little B on one of the corners, to make it all his. 

You aren’t surprised by it going missing. In fact, you’re happy that Brahms likes your things. Like I mentioned with the disappointment, you’ve most likely felt this before in your life, so it’s odd that a ghost (as that’s honestly the least weird conclusion here) appreciates what you do more than some of the people you know. 

Also imagine knitting with the doll on your lap. 🥺 Cute. Cute cute cute. 

But then you meet real Brahms. And that’s weird, like I know there’s a lot weird here, but you can’t just make a seamless transition into this, there’s an adjustment period, so you stop knitting. 

Which he Does Not Like. 

Like sir??? What did you expect? 

Well he expected everything to be the same but it’s him and not the doll, really. 

Which he makes pretty obvious fairly quickly. He wants a matching sweater, and he asks you outright. “You make such pretty things... can I have one? Please? I’ve been very good.” 

So of course you do. You decide to take a pattern and color you already made for you and the doll and make it for him, so the three of you could match. Which is weird in and of itself, but adult life is already so goddamn weird, this might as well happen. 

And that starts a new cycle. 

He loves that he can now show you appreciation for the items you make him. He can thank you much easier, no worries of frightening you with a disembodied voice from a “ghost.” He can wear what you make, and he does, all the time. He’ll give you kisses too, since you’re being good. 

And he’s always excited every time you gift him something new, like it’s never happened before, as if he HASN’T seen you working on it for the past month. Each and every time, he has such love and joy in his heart and he will Let You Know damn it. 

Legit always has something you made on. If it’s warm, he has a light cardigan you made. If it’s cold, a sweater and his blanket. And either way he’ll have a pair of your socks on. Nonnegotiable. 

Honestly he gets super worried if you go to wash his things. What if it falls apart? You assure him you know what you’re doing, but it still takes probably six to seven washes for him to get less tense about something going in the washing machine. 

You will never be able to toss out anything ever again. Dropped stitch? A tie come undone and it’s unraveling? A few weeks of looking at it making you wanna cry? Just doesn’t look like you wanted it to? Nope! It’s Brahms’s now. And he’ll love it and cherish it as if it’s the only gift you’ve ever given him. 

Literally no room for you to be insecure about the things you make. Only love. You’d think he’d get tired or bored of it, but it’s a physical representation of time and care you’re putting into him and his care. He clings to that. 

The only time he won’t interrupt you for your attention is when you knit. Because he understands that’s also a type of attention. He does like to be in the room with you when you do it though. And you can get him to read while you do it, so that’s nice. 

He will be a little jealous/salty about anything you’ve given Malcolm though lol. 

[willowistic22]

Van life!newsies headcanons

Hello, i have recently been obsessing and/or pining over living in a van/bus. So i will project my pining to my favorite pretty paper boys like what everyone does in the newsies fandom! Very healthy and smart idk lol so here’s my take on this au for each of my ships!

*i know some ppl might not agree with all these ships but these are just my personal favorites pls don’t come after me for something i like :)*

@jaelynn-is-slightly-confused thanks for deciding which headcanons i should write first :)

A pretty long list so you might have to sit down for this one 

Javid

They converted an old american school bus

I actually have a headcanon that modern!jack comes from a rich family (maybe not the family his parents were born into but his parents worked pretty hard to be successful y’know) so that’s how they were able to buy an old school bus

So they were able to fit in a shower (not one of those foldable kinds) and a built in toilet. A pretty decent kitchen. A stove, oven, microwave, and all the other utilities necessary. Was able to fit both a washing machine and a dryer. Has a proper closet.

To fit davey’s needs, they put in a tiny book shelf. But it’s too tiny to fit in all of davey’s book (he’s got a shelf full) and was forced to give some of them away he cried a little. Jack did the same for his art supplies he cried a lot.

Jack is an illustrator and Davey is a writer. (Davey the hopeless romantic Jacobs mostly writes romance wow what a shocker) If Jack can find the time to paint on a canvas he will. It usually ends up getting sold which he doesn’t mind. 

Jack painted every inch of the bus exterior wow we’re all so shocked no we aren’t I lied :) "Jack why...” “We need to be festive when we travel, Dave!” *face palms*

They have one cat which is still nameless in my head so ://

Newsbians

They live in a school bus 

Kathrine’s a Pulitzer so you know how they can freely afford it (now that i think abt it i think old school busses sell for really cheap prices but idk) 

The shower and closet are a must have for Kathrine. She takes over most of the closet space and takes the longest in the shower. Sarah is a foodie so she built herself a whole kitchen and Kathrine is not allowed to touch anything without her permission. Even fitting in a huge fridge. They also fit in a proper working desk and a couch. Also made some sort of balcony on top of their bus so they can stargaze on top of there 

Kathrine is a reporter and Sarah is a physician in the telemedicine industry (she meets patients through video calls and such, not face to face) 

Morning coffee is a tradition for them at this point. They cannot drive the bus without having one cup of coffee 

They have two cats still nameless too ://

Ikeshot (lmao moving to my rarepairs so quickly. i mean i originally reserved the van life headcanon for them but i got too obsessed and now i’m writing this list hehe) 

They settled with a sprinter van 

it started just as an idea for their honeymoon to do a road trip around the us, but it ended up being longer than a hundred days of honeymoon and it turns into being their first proper room 

Their shower is built in and it can only fit one person. The bed takes up the whole back space. Their closet is kinda small but they don’t mind bcs Ike mostly lives in Hotshot’s clothes anyways. The kitchen is limited but they have a pullout barbeque at the back of their van, under their bed. Hotshot is a master at barbequing. 

Ike is a translator and interpreter. He also uses his hobby in crocheting to build a small business he makes cardigans :) (credit to @violetwolfraven for that little idea) Hotshot is an accountant. Very boring ik but i have a headcanon he’s good with numbers so that’s cool (well idk i feel like he’s good with math and economics) 

Bringing the playstation has always been a priority, so they built in a tv. They like to chill in the bed and play together. Mario kart is a ruthless game  

Occasional weird midnight dancing sessions is a tradition 

they have a cat named Sparks and a dog named Lewis. It’s a dalmatian which made Hotshot tempted to name him Spot :) 

*cut to a vicious argument between Spot and Hotshot which was also egged on by Ike and Race* 

Jomike (ok look i love my rarepairs alright pls let me ship in peace) 

They got a sprinter van 

Their kitchen took up most the space bcs mike and jojo are practically professional chefs. When asked to throw down in the kitchen, they will thRO W   D O W N

They even use a teal palette specifically for their kitchen. They have a one person shower but no built in toilet. a fair amount of plants as decoration. in the back of their van, they have a built in pull out dining table and two benches (built under their bed so they’d have to stop and open the back door to have a proper dinner) 

Jojo is a reporter and mike is a computer programmer. Their job requires a proper desk to work on so they just installed a foldable table in between their seats up front. 

their clothes are just stored in cabinets since they share anyways. it leaves a good amount of wall space to play a projector for netflix *cue the soft cuddling in bed* 

breakfast in bed is the most on brand thing for them to do 

they have a cat named Dixeleta. She’s an outdoor cat so they have fun doing outdoor activities together. Hiking, kayaking, etc. 

Sprace 

They live in an old sprinter van Spot got from an old family member

They have the type of bed that can turn into a living room (seats and table etc). They use a foldable shower bcs they want the space. Their kitchen can be extended out with a latch by their sliding door but that’s only when they need to use a stove and oven. Since they’re the type of people that just throws on the closest clothes they can grab they just use cabinets to store their clothes. 

ok i’ve mentioned it before about sprace but i’ll mention it again. They have three cats named Racecat, Spot Clawlon, and Romeow :D all named by race if you’re wondering. 

So Race is a social media manager and Spot is a physician in the telemedicine industry. 

They’re very lazy to constantly look for a coin laundry service. They make a schedule to do the laundry once a week but sometimes they just forget. 

Their first drive of the day will always include karaoke. They can’t tell whether their cats love or hate their singing voice most likely the latter but they’re in denial.

They cuddle each other in bed with their cats. While watching tv, to sleep, or just chilling together. 

Redfinch 

They got a mini bus

They have a built in shower, bathroom, and closet (not sure why since they don’t really care about their clothes all that much) They have a proper kitchen, fit a washing machine and dryer, plus a little seating area with a small table 

They have two big doberman named Zara and Zoey and a cat named Marbles. Pretty outdoor pets so they frequently take them out for hikes and such 

They have a ‘balcony’ on top of their mini bus to chill together. As in all five of them :)

Finch is a music producer and Albert is a photographer and videographer. Albert mostly works with tourist as their personal photographer, but he has land gigs with big companies/people. Finch works with a label that has given him to opportunity to work at home but sometime still need to stop by a studio to meet with artists or other producers. 

Finch only needs space to store his laptop, notebooks, and guitar (but he ends up hanging it on the wall anyways). Albert takes up a whole cabinet for all of his equipment. 

Not Finch waking up at an ungodly hour when a spark of inspiration comes to him, which ends up waking everyone in the bus. *cut to Albert furiously dragging him back to bed*

They installed a tv near their bed for playstation sessions or cuddling throughout a movie

Their driving karaoke is usually accompanied by their dogs which only tortures Marbles. She hides under the blanket to save her ears. smart cat hehe

Snipesmalls (Never wrote anything for them but I do love these girls :)) 

They converted a mini bus 

Sniper takes up most of the closet space, but it doesn’t matter because they share clothes anyways. A built in toilet and shower. Their kitchen has a navy blue theme to it. It was Smalls’ idea. They have a washing machine and dryer and also a proper dining table.

Sniper is a nurse in the telehealth industry (basically just like telemedicine but deals with more than just clinical services) and Smalls is a medical transcriptionist. 

They have an Australian Shepherd named Blue. It’s because of her blue eyes it’s so beautiful :O Blue likes to stick his head out while driving. 

They have a built in tv for their playstation and movies but sometimes they bring out the projector to watch while chilling outside. 

They have done the most traveling. Hopping from the US to Europe and Asia. 

They may like to share clothes but Sniper really likes to be fashionable wherever she goes. “Ok so since we’re planning to go hiking tomorrow, which hat should I use?” “Sniper, we’re hiking up a mountain, not a vogue fashion runway” “And so what if I pretend we are? Use your imagination babe! Now which one?” *sighing*

It is a nightmare to convince Sniper to give away some of their clothes She cries every time her clothes are being given away but gets happy when they go shopping for new ones and it’s the same cycle every time this happens  

They also like to go to music festivals and have picnics together 

Blush 

They live in a mini bus

They rarely buy clothes or give them away plus they share clothes so the closet is pretty small but hella messy because they’re lazy at folding their clothes away. A simple built in shower and also a foldable toilet. The kitchen is pretty equipped because Mush is a master chef. They have a little seating area with a table. Alternating as a working desk and dining table

Mush is a dietitian and Blink is a therapist, both in the telemedicine industry. 

Neither is allowed to drive if they haven’t gotten their morning coffee 

Mush is mostly then one doing the karaoke while Blink drives 

they like to have picnics together

goes to random concerts. it doesn’t need to be a really big artist. they’d simply be happy if they get tickets to any sort of concert. They prefer to see local underground artists to discover more music and such but they sometimes save up to watch big artists too. 

they’ve only been around the us and canada but are planning on going to other countries too 

Belmerttons 

they live in an old school bus 

So buttons is a huge fashionista so there is a proper closet and drawers that are mostly used by himself. A built in bathroom and the door has a mirror per buttons request. they also fit a washing machien and dryer in the bus per buttons request too. Their bed is full of decorative pillows and a few stuffed animals per elmer’s request. Their kitchen is small but does the trick. also has a little seating area with a table 

Buttons is a fashion stylist but also a designer. Elmer is a math tutor for all ages

they love going to different kind of events and festivals. one of the reasons why they wanted to live on the road in the first place 

to get buttons to give away his old clothes, elmer has to assure him it’s for a good cause bcs buttons loves all his clothes. Buttons still get a little sad and pouty when those days come but picks himself up again when elmer offers a disney movie night on the projector with some snacks

oh yes, they bring lots of snacks on the road 

They have a cat. still nameless soz 

the cat is very fluffy and sheds a lot. which is kind of a problem especially on buttons clothes 

“you’re lucky you have a cute face” -buttons while he’s cleaning the fur off his clothes 

Spromeo 

they live in a mini bus but kinda looks like a hippie van (idk how to describe it but it’s a mini bus with a hippie kind of style to it yknow) 

they have two separate areas in the bus. one up front where the driver and passenger seat is. also coupled with a tiny sofa and a table. that’s where they do their work and dine. very comfy and cozy. 

it’s seperated by a thin wooden wall. through the doorway is where the rest of their living quarters are. a bed, small kitchen but fully equipped, a shower, and foldable toilet. instead of a closet, they use a dresser since they don’t really have many clothes anyways 

so specs is a history teacher and tutor for all ages. (he’s a history nerd hehe). Romeo is a photographer and cinematographer. mostly a tourist photographer (kinda like albert yknow) 

specs likes reading history books, but he mostly does his reading on his tablet and laptop to save space. the same for romeo and comics btw 

their bed is full of pillows 

they have a cat named snowy. a lazy indoor cat. but she loves to cuddle with them in bed

they’ve also done some traveling to other countries. mostly neighboring countries but are dreaming of going to places in europe and asia. 

they enjoy doing lots of board games when they’re not driving 

romeo has a ukulele which he constantly uses to serenade to specs. sometimes to snowy but mostly specs 

woah that was long akjghflkjasfbj; h. will i write a oneshot with this headcanon? maybe but who knows. just needed to put it out there that i’m pining on living on the road with the loml and some cats and go on an adventure together. anyways hope whoever reads this enjoy and sorry for writing a long headcanon list hehe