#I made Kai look so edgy somehow he is NOT this edgy especially not when he thinks he is

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

I dunno man i hear the song and think about them

[garrothromeave]

the hell is mystreet season 6??

(warning, long post ahead)

ok so before i start this

1) ive never posted shiiiit on tumblr before so watch me suffer, im just here to talk about stuff that my friends who dont know anything about aphmau have to listen to me rant about for hours on end

2) i havent seen mystreet in like years (except season 3, i watch that frequently since im laurance and shadow knight deprived) so please bear with me because i might be completely wrong on this lol. it’s just like, pointing out things i remember

3) im sure someones already talked about this but who cares

4) im gonna do this stupid thing where i just explain myself a bit at first, if you dont want to read that just skip to the part where you see “the actual thingy:” in bold and italics 

5) mild disclaimer; i am completely aware that jessica is not a professional writer. i know that she did her best to appeal to her fans, and honestly, respect for that. while this post will come off as aggressive and probably look like hate, that’s not my intention in the slightest. it’s just... intense criticism. im sure y’all probably already know that, but yeah, just stating that anyways. i do believe that jess is doing her best, and in no way do i want to dismiss any hard work she’s done. that being said; prepare for a very strongly opinionated post.

haha watch there be 10000+ typos in this making me look like a complete dumbass

ok here we go 

one of the main reasons i stopped watching aphmau back in 2017 was the mess that was season 4. like, in the first few episodes of the emerald secret, i thought “woah!! this is kinda cool, im a sucker for mystery!” because of course i was, it was something new and something exciting. the only problem i had with it at the time was kim, but that’s just because i always found her annoying and out of place. i just didn’t understand why garroth dragged her along and honestly i still don’t to this day BUT, moving on.

anyways, as the season progressed, 13 year old me was of course just “:0!!” the entire time--that is, up until the reveal of the main villain. i remember watching the episode, seeing the reveal of ein, and then stopping. like, just for a quick break, but i was still just overwhelmingly disappointed. like, and this was the time when pdh was airing and ein just got made alpha (i think?) and i had really really liked eins character in pdh. either way, that really sucked and actually opened my eyes to a lot of things.

one of the main things bein’ the fact that this was supposed to be a slice of life kinda series that decided to take a turn to a more edgy kinda approach. which, i guess i regularly wouldnt mind? but seeing as mcd was kinda bein neglected at the time it just didnt sit right with me. BUT WHATEVER, point is i stopped watching mystreet all together at the end of season 4.

like, a whole year later my brother tells me that shit’s getting intense in season 5 + 6 of mystreet, and my brilliant self decided to give it a shot--but i refused to watch all of season 5, so i only stepped in when ein made an appearance. so whenever that was, that’s where i picked up because i didnt care enough to see 

and y’know--i honestly didn’t hate it at first. in fact, i found it oddly cool. it wasn’t enough to get me into aphmau again, but it was enough to where i was intrigued. i dont know why, but i never watched the finale, so i didnt see the ending until just a few weeks ago--but back then, i thought it was neat. looking back on it however... im just so confused. 

side note: only got back into aphmau this time around because of mcd. mainly because like, i adore the first season and the first half of the second season. and being nearly 18 now, im a lot more appreciative of plot and well-written characters n junk. 

the actual thingy:

ok back on track. imma stop spilling out my story of how i got back into aphmau, and lets just skip to what rewatching mcd made me realize of season 6′s plot and shit:

-emmalyn. how the fuck does ghost even remotely exist? if she’s emmalyn as claimed, then why have we already seen emmalyn in the mystreet universe alive? look i get that creators can do whatever they want with their stories but at the same time please provide some sort of explanation good god. and maybe they did and i just havent seen it, so if there is one--let me know. but until that day imma just sit here confused as fuck

-ok so imma just be real, the whole ��ultima’ thing is just... not great. in my opinion, anyways. like... i saw someone mention this in another post, but if this ultima stuff was like, a really big deal, why isnt it mentioned in mcd? though i suppose since its a curse of sorts, it could be later on past the time period in which mcd takes place--but even then, how did it manage to make its way into aaron’s family bloodline? 

-WHY IS EVERYONE AT STARLIGHT ITS JUST SO CONVINIENT like what happened to this place being the most expensive shit on the planet or whatever, and how the gang happens to run into like, the werewolf trio and blaze and kai and guy and nate all of these people like god damn life doesnt WORK LIKE THAT 

-im sorry but turning people into relics? thats... thats the best you could come up with? plus, like, how does that even work? in mcd it’s established that relics are separate entitles that choose their wielder, based on a ‘personal’ connection (being a descendent of a previous wielder) or if they’re a good match personality and (i think?) moral wise. so the whole turning-people-into-relics doesnt make much sense to be honest. 

-irene really over here using her god powers to only keep her friends alive like god damn not a great god if you ask me 

-can i talk about how incredibly predictable aphmaus death was? like i just kinda sat there waiting for it to happen and when it did i literally went “haha! wonder when she’ll be revived” because god forbid we actually kill off characters 

-when aphmau + demon warlock fought in the irene dimension there was no passage of time whatsoever in the real world whiiiiiiiiich really bothers me because they fought in there for at least a few minutes

-speaking of aphmau and the demon warlocks fight does it bother anyone else that it had to be aaron who took over the fight?? like we get it hes the big protector blah blah blah but god damn it wouldve been cooler if aphmau had fought this battle as her. aaron fighting this battle was so underwhelming

-...love. like, thats the only thing thats needed to break out of a forever potion? love? LIKE YEAH, GOOD GUYS GOTTA WIN SOMEHOW, but its just so cliche and overdoneeee

-oh yeah and also when travis went bonkers and became the demon warlock or whatever, why’d he only take over katelyn and garroth?? like, zane had been influenced by the potions in the past as well? DONT GET ME WRONG--i do love some good brother edge, but uh, the demon warlock was just bein kinda a dumbass by not possessing zane too just sayin’

-can aaron please go to fucking jail for mass murder now like holy shit, he just got sent home on a fuckin boat. also why did blaze forgive him for killing him thats not even remotely realistic. then again, nothing in mystreet has ever been realistic when it comes to characters and motives and personalities, (cough katelyn being actually abusive and travis being an actual pervert) but yknow whatever

-katelyn and kawaii chan literally added nothing to the plot whatsoever. like lets be real, katelyn lost her personality the moment season 5 started and kawaii chan just kinda sits there :I

-ok im sorry this was bound to come up but cmon guys imagine laurances potential if he was in season 6 like god damn this is beyond maddening. AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY REALLY COOL PARRALLEL?? IF IT WAS LAURANCE WHO SNAPPED GARROTH OUT OF HIS MIND CONTROL THING, because it would mimic laurance’s speech to get garroth to snap out of his rage in season 1, episode 100 of minecraft diaries. like how fuckin rad would that have been? missed opportunity 

-also?? why does kim/ghost know magicks?? like, if i remember correctly, emmalyn is a scholar--not someone who knew magicks. i mean, i guess research? study?? but its been established that knowing how magicks works =/= being able to use magicks. i dunno, just doesnt seem right i guess. maybe its explained, i wouldnt know (yes i know that makes me look like a dick leave me alone)

-melissa should have stayed dead. LIKE, NO, ITS NOT AS SIMPLE AS “haha it takes more than a few bullets to kill me”??? look ive got nothing wrong with melissa (cough lie cough) but yknow it would have just been cool a character... stay dead? for once? its just too fuckin cliche that shes alive god damn

-can i also just say the only good thing that came out of season 6 was travis’ dads sacrifice like damn that made me actually sad

-howww was lucinda turned into a relic. or yknow, anyone else? like im sure they explain it better in the actual show i just dont remember, but its just that easy? turning anyone into a relic? granted, a normal person wouldnt be able to produce a good relic, but idk man. IM JUST SAYING; that the only really powerful relics that aphmau should have been able to wield is the one that aaron + zane produced because shad relic and esmund relic moment. lucinda isnt even like, connected to a divine warrior. ALSO, another point, if its seriously that powerful of a relic getting one from just a magic user like lucinda, why go through the trouble? i mean i guess ofc youd want the “all powerful” one that the ultima produces but i mean damn whats the point

-ok this is just going to bother me but in one of the episodes (i think might have been in season 5 actually) where that like, guardian dude was chasing aphmau and zane and at one point they split up and the dude just chuckles at zane diverting paths and goes under his breath “youre not the important one here”, suggesting that aphmau somehow is? first of all, id argue that any ro’meave is significantly more important than aphmau was, especially not knowing much about her other than that shes with aaron. i might be missing some bits an pieces, but if i was that dude id forget about aphmau and go after zane 

-killing off derek for shock factor sucked, and i know the moment was supposed to be really sad because like “oh :( aarons dad is sacrificing himself for his son” but lets be real dereks still was a shitty father and i dont think his reasons for doing what he did was very good at all

-less about plot or more like: why the absolute fuck did the gang bring kim along instead of, oh i dont know, a life-long friend? like, laurance or dante maybe?? im sure its explained, i never saw aphmaus year or most of season 5, but god DAMN id hate to be apart of this friend group AND GOD LIKE, imagine reconnecting with an old friend who ends up getting closer to your best friends and taking priority in their lives over you (cough laurance) like god damn lol

-im just going to preface this one with: i dont remember everything that’s happened, so if im wrong i apologize in advance--but (you actually can correct me if im wrong and please do) didnt like, irene reincarnate her friends in order to give them better lives? I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE, ITS JUST WHAT I REMEMBER--however, if im correct, then:

a. why the hell would she bring back someone like zane, or gene, or ivy, etc.

b. why the hell do they all have the same exact names? first and last? again, im aware that the whole mystreet+mcd tie wasn’t originally supposed to be there, but i dont think that means such a coincidence can be excused? its just a bit much if you ask me.

c. why the hell is the fact that (as much as i literally hate this) aaron is a decedent of shad being ignored? like, you’d think that something like this would be something thats actually important, or something the demon warlock couldve taken advantage of. or are we completely erasing every other connections to divine warriors besides aphmau + irene? because even if irene did reincarnate them or do whatever it is she did, does she even have the power to sever the connections between them and their ancestors? my guess is, no.

d. speaking of irene why on earth was aphmau able to talk to/see irene, they’re literally the same person are they not? did she like, fuckin reincarnate herself without actually doing it?? BUT--i will give it to them, the demon warlock did refer to aphmau as something along the lines of being “one of the 3 parts of her broken soul” or something like that. however, my point still remains. also what are the other two did i miss that or is it never explained

now; if irene in fact did not ‘reincarnate’ her friends then please ignore that little bit right there :)

but yes, those are a few of the problems i have with season 6 off the top of my head. i would go into like, season 4 and 5 more as well, but i honestly didnt feel like it. at some point i might go into other things, like how important laurance could have been to the plot of these later seasons, or HELL, even dante. i might also go into what could have made season 4, 5, and 6 actually good--maybe... a rewrite? perhaps? but im getting too far ahead of myself, so i just leave you with this for now.

and i know that as soon as i post this 15 more things are just going to pop into my head BUT im going to try and not edit this post because why stress myself with that even more

anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk 

[astudyinfreewill]

“look what you made me do” 2/? | masterpost

aka: me making taylor swift songs about dean winchester and/or deancas bc it’s what dean himself would want

second song on deck, as promised; this one actually has quite a few cas beats in it, especially at the start, despite it having a dean vibe overall, so it should be interesting. again, bonus fanvid link at the end <3

this is me trying

i've been having a hard time adjusting i had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

ok, we start off strong with a couplet that could suit either dean or cas. “the shiniest wheels” is actually a perfectly fitting metaphor for a show that treats cars like emotional avatars of the people who drive them (i could so easily go into a digression about how the same thing happens in trc but this is the wrong post for that... how do i keep finding myself emotionally invested in car-fetishizing media while barely being a can-drive gay myself). ANYWAY, the first thing that comes to mind is the impala and how it’s pretty much synonymous with dean’s sense of self, how it gets wrecked and rebuilt over the course of the show, often tied in to his emotional state. and dean, well. he’s built up a lot of trauma over the years, but he’s also just getting older, as humans do.

on the other hand, we could also see it as a cas line - he’s not as much of a carfucker car aficionado as dean but he’s an adoptive winchester so hey, it still kinda works (rip to the pimpmobile, gone but not forgotten). what i MEAN is -- cas has been slowly falling from grace ever since season 4. he was becoming more human in season 5 already, with a grim prediction of his human future in 5x04; then lived as human for a while in season 7; then became completely human in season 9 before regaining his grace. but in season 15, again, his grace was apparently failing (boy it would be SUCH a shame if that plot point just, like... got dropped... 😐). substitute “wings” for “wheels” and you get a picture of someone who used to be this unstoppable, super-powered angel soldier that demons cowered in fear of, but has slowly become more human over time. as for “a hard time adjusting”... well, cas’ journey towards humanity has not been the easiest transition: it’s come with self-doubt, mental and physical pain, and of course, as he learned about love: heartbreak.

TL;DR: LIFE COMES AT YOU FAST AND THESE GUYS ARE TIRED.

i didn't know if you'd care if i came back; i have a lot of regrets about that

‘kay, this next part is definitely cas. cas who, as i mentioned in the previous post, just keeps leaving, whether that’s because he’s sacrificing himself or taking off on his own. and because that typically goes over like a lead balloon with dean, either because it leaves him grieving and traumatised or it plays right into his abandonment issues (or both - hello purgatory arc!), cas would be tentative about coming back. it’s also very apparent that castiel feels like the winchesters only value him for his abilities and powers (and after all, he’s been created to be a soldier), so if he feels like he’s not being helpful enough, he also tends not to feel wanted (again: dean wants him to stay, but cas wants to be asked to stay). plus, we know every time they’ve had a falling out it takes dean a bit to get over his anger (“dean, i thought i was doing the right thing”; “yeah, you always do”) so i don’t think cas takes his forgiveness for granted, especially if he has lied to him in the process (yes i’m thinking about the mixtape episode). “a lot of regrets”, indeed.

pulled the car off the road to the lookout, could've followed my fears all the way down; and maybe i don't quite know what to say, but i'm here in your doorway.

here, again, the car can easily work as a metaphor for someone’s emotional state. pulling over to take a breather, to try to assess things from a distance; and with lookout points so often being perched on steep hills, it’s easy to imagine the sense of vertigo, your own fear and self-doubt almost pushing you towards dangerous, self-destructive ideas. and we know cas doesn’t do things by halves - when he’s committed to something he believes is right, he goes all out. and yes, that has led to more than one falling out. 

but despite that - despite his worst fears telling him he should not come back to dean unless he’s “coming back with a win”, or able to protect him from harm (yes i’m thinking about the mixtape episode AGAIN), he does always come back to him. it’s the one thing that dean can always depend on, castiel finding his way back to him like dean is his true north. i’m here in your doorway; the please take me back once more is implied.

i just wanted you to know that this is me trying i just wanted you to know that this is me trying

(and dean does take him back, because however many times castiel feels that he has failed in his mission, he always comes back and tries again, tries harder, tries to make it right or do it better. and that’s something dean relates to - fucking up in the worst ways and getting beaten down but always getting back up, always starting over, always trying again. in fact, he’s kind of the one who taught cas that. and with that-- we move over to the dean portion of this.)

they told me all of my cages were mental so I got wasted like all my potential

ah, it wouldn’t be a dean pov without some good old fashioned self deprecation. “all of my cages were mental” isn’t 100% accurate in dean’s case because he has been dealt a pretty shit hand by life, but he also excels at self-sabotage. “I got wasted” is of course an allusion to his alcoholism, but then we have the clever play on words with “wasted potential”, which... hits close to home. all dean’s ever done is tried to live up to what he thought he should be, always feeling like he was falling short. never quite the favourite son, never the man his father thought he should be, not strong enough to resist hell, not the righteous sword of michael the angels expected, not good enough for the people he loves not to leave him, just not enough.

and my words shoot to kill when I'm mad i have a lot of regrets about that

...as i said above: though dean does always forgive the people he loves, it still takes him quite a bit to get over his anger at them. and when he’s angry, he lashes out, often saying things that come off cruel, things he absolutely does not mean. and this part reminds me, yet again, of dean’s painful confession in 15x09, about how he gets so angry and doesn’t know why (of course, the answer is trauma and childhood abuse; but he has no way to process that); and he tries to stop it but he can’t, and he always, always regrets it in the end.

i was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere fell behind all my classmates and i ended up here

oh, dean. dean winchester with his ged and his give ‘em hell attitude. he breaks my heart. i touched on this in my previous post, but there’s something to be said for the fact that dean had to grow up so fast, he really didn’t grow at all in some ways ( “so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere”). from a young age he was shoved in a parental role, having to be both a father and mother to sam, which meant never getting to exist just for himself. which of course, in turn, means he never got to develop a healthy degree of emotional maturity. in “bad boys”, we find out that the only time dean even got close to being a normal teenager, receiving positive reinforcement by sonny and bonding with his peers, john ripped him right out of that safe haven; and by the time “after school special” is set in, he’s given up on ever getting a shot at a healthy environment, using denial as a coping mechanism by trying to pass off his and sam’s shitty, depressing lives as super edgy and cool.

pourin' out my heart to a stranger but i didn't pour the whiskey i just wanted you to know that this is me trying i just wanted you to know that this is me trying at least i'm trying

i don’t really need to explain this bit i guess, but it’s about the implications of how it can somehow be easier to open up to a complete stranger rather than someone you care about; and how for dean, who is used to frequenting seedy bars and dives, one-night stands are as much about comfort than they are about pleasure. that’s the only way he knows how to let himself be touched, seen, held -- because of course, “no chick flick moments”, and besides, we know that when he falls in love he falls hard, so it’s safer to just roll in and out of town. 

the interesting part in this context though, is that “but i didn’t pour the whiskey”, especially since we know dean, like every other winchester, tends to drown out his problems with alcohol; so him choosing to not do that, and instead just look for comfort from a stranger (whether it’s through sex or just chatting away at a bar) is, in itself, a sign of trying to do better. because if there’s one thing dean knows how to do, is trying, and trying, and trying again. in fact, as i mentioned above, it’s kinda where cas learned it too. and we know dean is a stand-in for human nature, so of course, this is also a larger discourse of how humans are flawed and imperfect but can always improve, always do better, always try harder or be more. and maybe that’s what makes a righteous man, really.

and it's hard to be at a party when i feel like an open wound it's hard to be anywhere these days when all i want is you you're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town

this next part... listen. i don’t know how it fits into the narrative of trying, but what i do know is i can’t stop thinking about grieving dean. about how every time he loses cas, a little piece of him dies too, but it’s a piece that gets bigger and bigger every time, carving a hollow inside him. it’s unsightly, it’s unforgiving, it’s raw - it’s like an open wound. and as much as dean has always taken on the role of the person who puts on a brave face, makes a joke, and pushes all his feelings down, well -- it’s hard to that; it’s hard to focus on anything else when he’s missing cas like a phantom limb. “all i want is you” which is to say i’d rather have you, cursed or not; which is to say, i need you. need you badly enough to see your face everywhere after escaping purgatory, just like “a flashback in a film reel”. 

and i just wanted you to know that this is me trying  (maybe i don't quite know what to say) i just wanted you to know that this is me trying; at least i'm trying.

so, yes. dean is trying. he’s always trying, even though healing and progress are not linear or easy. and he knows he’s got anger issues, he knows he’s bad with his words, but damn it, he always shows up for the people he loves, and he tries to do better, every. damn. time. partly because he’s us, he’s all of us, he’s human perfectibility incarnate; and partly because he loves cas so damn much and maybe if he gets it right this time he’ll get to keep him -- and i don’t know which of the two options makes my heart hurt the most.

---

fanvid rec link here! it’s only for the second half of the song, so the more dean-centric one :)

[impracticaldemon]

Holding Out for a Hero

by impracticaldemon for princess-sharly fandom:  Midnight Cinderella (Cybird otome) pairing:  Sid Arnault x MC/Sharly [modern AU]

Author’s Note:  Put this down to random creativity, and the fun I have writing for friends and acquaintances in my otome fandoms!  Hope you enjoy the story, and don’t be fooled by the beginning, this is pretty fluffy.

Holding Out for a Hero

“This seat taken?”

“No,” Sharly snapped irritably, wondering what else was going to go wrong today.  She deliberately didn’t look up, pretending to focus on the scenery outside--grey pavement, grey buildings, grey rain.  Tomorrow.  Tomorrow will be the day that I say, ‘Yes, can’t you see my invisible pal Sid?  He’s a big guy, don’t know how you could miss him.’  

“Pretty miserable out there, huh?  So... you heading home from work?”

Great.  A creep.  Just what I need.  The guy’s questions could be innocent, but she’d bet all five dollars and sixty-two cents in her purse that they weren’t.  She eyed the dim reflection in the bus window, but couldn’t see much except general size--medium--and an impression of a coat that was a bit too heavy for the weather, raining or not.

“...You shouldn’t ignore a guy who’s just trying to be polite.  I was going to offer to buy you a coffee, if we happened to get off at the same stop.”

Uh-huh.  And you’d get off at my stop no matter what, right?  Sharly went on ignoring her unwanted companion, but tightened her grip on her purse and bag.  She’d push him right off the damn seat if he tried anything.

The guy shifted a bit so that he was partially pressed up against her.  It could just be on account of the now crowded bus, but she didn’t think so.  Not when a quick glance confirmed that his eyes were aimed at her chest.  Ugh.  Time to go.

“Excuse me.”  She got up, and her seat-buddy made a show of letting her by that happened to include a lot of not-so-accidental touching.  That did it.  “Touch me again, and I’ll hurt you.”  She made sure everyone around them heard her, and glared pointedly.

“Easy, lady--jeez.  Look around you, it’s packed.”

The bus stopped, and Sharly quickly made her way to the exit.  It would take longer to get home, but so be it. Sadly, her lack of faith in mankind was immediately proven to be justified.

“Oh, hey, this is my stop too!  Tell you what, why don’t you let me buy you that coffee after all--a peace offering, since I seem to have offended you somehow?”

She turned to tell the guy exactly what she thought of his offer, but another passenger stepped between them, apparently also on his way to the exit.  She watched in surprise, and then appreciation, as the newcomer accidentally stepped on the creeper’s foot, and then somehow ended up putting his elbow in the guy’s stomach.  The best part was yet to come, though.

The moment the doors opened, tall-dark-and-definitely-handsome winked at Sharly, and manoeuvred her would-be stalker right off the bus and into the rain.  He completed the guy’s annihilation with a hearty pat between the shoulder blades that looked more innocent than it probably was, to judge by the recipient’s yelp and stagger.

“Heard you say it was your stop, buddy, and didn’t want ya to miss it!  The bus is pretty crowded, yeah?”  When the man started to protest—loudly—his new ‘friend’ feigned deafness, and remained planted solidly in the doorway, grinning.  “Don’t forget to get yourself that coffee!” Sharly’s knight in designer denim called helpfully, as the doors closed on the man’s frustrated yells.

There was scattered applause from those nearest the door, especially the women.  Sharly eyed her possible rescuer cautiously, since she hardly wanted to go from the frying pan into the fire.  Her inclination might be to trust him, but you just never knew, and a pretty--or even dashingly handsome--face could definitely hide a less than pretty heart.

“Thanks,” she said politely.  Hmm, that was probably too cold, and she did appreciate the sheer take-no-crap audacity of this guy.  “I mean... I was about to tell that guy where to stuff it anyway, but thanks to you, I get to stay on the bus.”

“Sure, s’all good.”  The man’s eyes crinkled a little at the corners, as though he knew exactly what she was thinking.  “And no, I’m not just more trouble waitin’ ta happen.” 

Sharly looked up into dark blue eyes that glinted wickedly over a smile that was at least half smirk.  Not trouble?  Ha!  She told her suddenly pounding heart to chill, and narrowed her eyes.

“Good to know.  Excuse me.”  With more reluctance than she chose to show, Sharly turned to make her way toward the front of the bus.  Probably better to hang out near the driver for the rest of the way home, just in case.

“Hey--princess!”

Princess?  She knew she was better dressed and groomed than most of the other commuters, but seriously?  Grimacing, she looked back.

“You want me to call you Sir Lancelot or something?”

Mister Blue Eyes just grinned, the smirk even more pronounced above his--dammit!--perfect jaw.  He pointed to Sharly’s head, and she automatically reached up, almost whacking somebody with her purse.

Oh for crying out loud, don’t tell me--!!  Yup, she’d forgotten to take off the tiara she’d been wearing at the stupid office party for her newly-engaged colleague.  Well, that’s just great.  With as much dignity as she could muster, she reached up and took off the glitzy plastic ornament.

“...Thanks. It’s just been a crappy day, you know?” 

“Yeah, I figured.  The tiara kinda suited ya, though.”  He laughed when she rolled her eyes.  “Look, it’s good to be careful, I get it.  But just to let ya know, I’ll be on this bus for the next while ‘cause of work.  I’m tellin’ ya so ya don’t think I’m pullin’ some kinda stunt tomorrow, ‘kay? Though if ya do happen ta show up tomorrow, and ya want ta avoid the creep, then just save me a spot.”

“...”  Reluctance to count on a stranger--and the instinct that said this guy might not be trouble, but could be trouble--fought a short skirmish with growing attraction in Sharly’s head.  Well, mostly her head.  “I might do that,” she heard herself say.  Which sounded cool, except that she could feel a smile forming--oh crap, did she look like she was flirting?

“Got it.”  His eyes held more than a hint of mischief.  “Well, just in case ya happen ta be there, the name’s Sid.  Nice ta meet ya, Princess.”

He said something else after that, but Sharly missed it.  Sid?  For real? How weird is that?  Now he just needed to be secretly wealthy under the lazy accent and slightly edgy black leather coat and jeans ensemble, and he’d literally be her dream prince.  She could feel her smile get a little goofy, and did her best to tone it down.  Stop it!  One wild coincidence does not a dream make!

Sharly cleared her throat.  “Right.  Well.”  Be cool!  “This is my stop... Sid.  Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Mm-hm.  See ya round.”

She hopped off the bus, almost missing her footing in her effort not to crane her head around to look back in through the door as it closed behind her.  Who was she kidding?  She’d be there tomorrow.

[END]

[sablelab]

Roses for Valentine’s Day 1/6

DISCLAIMER:

This AU Valentine story is a complete work of fiction and as such is an entirely fabricated tale created in my imagination.  

SYNOPSIS:

Claire Beauchamp’s friend Geillis Duncan has persuaded her to have a night out on the town at a nightclub because she has been down in the dumps missing her boyfriend. Her friend is dying to meet Claire’s elusive man, and in turn Geillis introduces her to that someone special in her life, which only exacerbates her best friend’s melancholy so near to Valentine’s Day.

CHAPTER 1

 Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart. ~ Kay Knudsen

The two friends stepped outside into the cold night air and walked quickly down the street towards Sub Club where they were going for a night out on the town. Clutching her coat tightly around herself, Claire Beauchamp walked along the pavement deep in thought for several minutes. Her friend Geillis Duncan was chatting to herself in high spirits oblivious to the fact that Claire wasn’t returning her conversation. She looked around her at the street at people passing by, and suddenly realized that tomorrow was February 14th … Valentine’s Day… that special day for lovers, but it didn’t have the same excitement as it usually did, for she was unsure whether she would see Sam or not.

Slowing their pace, the two women looked at the store fronts as they passed them by. Almost all of them were decorated in various shades of red and white, with hearts and Cupids hung all over the place advertising the fact that Valentine’s Day was imminent. Claire did a double take when she saw a tall, red headed man heading out of one doorway holding a heart-shaped box of chocolates and a teddy bear with a red bow around its neck in his hands. He had the same height and colouring as her Jamie and she felt her heart skip a beat thinking that it was him, that is until he turned around to hail a cab and she knew that it was not.  Disappointment swept over her like a blanket of fog and she sighed.

“You okay Claire? You look like you just saw a ghost,” Geillis asked a little concerned at her friend’s pallor.

“No … No … I’m fine.  I thought I just saw somebody I knew.”

“Yeah, I noticed that guy too. Handsome devil.  Someone is a lucky woman.  Did you see what he was carrying?”

“Sorry, no I didn’t notice,” was her noncommittal answer.

She had however seen what he was carrying and it made her think about last year when she and Jamie had shared some late night macaroons for Valentine’s Day. She noticed everything, especially the couples everywhere she looked … holding hands, dining together, or just gazing adoringly into each other’s eyes. Claire sighed, feeling a little pang of longing in her heart. When she saw all these happy people her thoughts inevitably turned to the man she loved. Closing her eyes, she let herself drift into their fantasies for several seconds. They had been just like these couples, doing things they were doing tonight and enjoying each other’s company.  They walked together on the street, holding hands. They would sit in a coffee shop sipping coffee, talking together and looking into each other’s eyes. Oh, how she wished she could just feel Jamie’s arms around her now … to kiss those sensual lips of his and to drown in that perfect body and the beauty of his eyes. She missed him … she missed them … so terribly much and her friend Geillis had noticed her melancholy over the last couple of days and that’s why they were here tonight.

Opening her eyes suddenly, Claire tried in vain to erase the memories of Jamie’s touch and especially his unique scent from her mind. She wondered what he was doing and if he was missing her as much as she was missing him. He’d been working overseas for the last few months and hadn’t been able to get time away from the court case he was working on. It was dragging on longer than expected and although they’d been in contact constantly, it was not the same.  Claire tried to convince herself that it was just the fact that it was a special day tomorrow that she was feeling so down in the dumps. It was just hard to imagine being on her own for Valentine’s Day that had really seemed to strike a nerve. Her friend Geillis though, had been a godsend. Tonight, was her way of helping her get over missing her man.  

Nonetheless, Claire continued to walk slowly down the street, lost in her thoughts, until Geillis’ voice broke her from her musings. “Hey! There’s the nightclub … It’s just up ahead.  I hope you are as pumped as I am Claire?”

“I’m always thrilled when we do things together,” was Claire’s candid reply to her friend, hoping that her voice sounded much better than the way she actually felt.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Neon lights advertising the nightclub lit up the surrounds in the still night air as Claire and her bestie made their way toward the venue. Sub Club appeared to be the place to be seen for all the hip young Glaswegian clubbers who frequented this type of night life scene. The atmosphere outside the club was buzzing for a Friday night and Claire could only imagine that inside would be the same. There was a long line of patrons waiting outside on the pavement for admittance and the two women joined the queue and stood in line waiting to get in.  “Exciting hey?” Geillis exclaimed looking around at those gathered then at her friend next to her. “Yeah … I’m glad I came. It might just be the tonic I need.”

“You’ve been moping around for days Claire Beauchamp.” She exclaimed.  “I’m glad you decided to have a girl’s night out with me. It will be fun.  This place is the place to be in Glasgow any day of the week.”

“You’re right … I did need to get out.  I can’t sit at home waiting for my boyfriend to return from his work-related trip to the States.  But I do miss him so.”

“All the more reason for you to enjoy tonight. When are you expecting this mysterious man … the one I have yet to meet … home?”

“Soon, I hope. I really hope he gets back for Valentine’s Day.”

“I’m sure he will move mountains to do that. Don’t worry.  He’ll be back for that special day,” she replied encouragingly.

With a small smile Claire cast her friend a side look but inwardly her heart was breaking to think that Jamie may be held up and wouldn’t be home for Valentine’s Day tomorrow. Her friend though was full of beans tonight and Claire couldn’t help but notice that Geillis was beaming.

“What has got you so keyed up tonight?”

“Oh, I’m so excited … I so want you to meet my new guy …  He works here you know.”

“Really? So, is that why you invited me out and why we’re at this particular nightclub?”

“Maybe,” was Geillis’ coy reply before her face lit up with animation once more.  “You’re gonna love him Claire … he’s a dreamboat.”

“Sounds like you really like this one.”

“Oh, I do … I do. I think he may be the one.”

“Well, my curiosity is peaked now my friend.  I can’t wait to meet him.”

“I hope your man returns soon too Claire so that I can meet him as well.  Even though I’ve heard a lot about him, I sure do want to put that image in my head to a real face.”

Claire gave her an enigmatic smile that she hoped Geillis would accept as her response to her friend’s joy at being here tonight. Although she was happy for her buddy, at the same time she couldn’t help but feel a little envious of her happiness. She missed Jamie dreadfully and just the mention of his name sent thrills coursing down her spine. She was a little worried though because she hadn’t heard anything from him over the last few days and that made her anxious.  He always called to say how his day had been but the silence had been deafening and she couldn’t help but think the worse.  Valentine’s Day was tomorrow night and the thought of spending it alone really cut to the quick.

Lost in the personal thoughts coursing through her head and trying to shake off her reverie, Claire managed to give the impression that she was indeed happy to be here tonight for some fun.  The two women stood side as they slowly moved closer and closer to the front of the queue, waiting for their signal to enter the nightclub.

“I think the line is getting shorter, we seem to have moved up a fair bit Geillis.”

“Yeah, you’re right Claire,” her friend replied looking back at the meandering line which now stretched for nearly a block. “I’m excited. Are you excited?”

“Of course.  Thanks for bringing me tonight.  I’m sure we’ll both have a fabulous time.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Finally, it came to their turn and after being given the once over by the security people at the door, the two women made their way inside.

The club atmosphere was dark and edgy. Walking down a few steps into the nightclub, they made their way through the crowd sashaying across the floor to the beat of the music with Geillis leading the way. The nightclub was full of smoke, and light, reflected off the large mirror ball hanging from the ceiling danced across the walls. People were dancing on three different levels to pulsating live music. It had a real warehouse, rage club atmosphere this evening with wire cages and a hard-core S & M crowd in attendance. 

“Every week they have a different theme … looks like tonight is for the steadfast patrons.”

“True, it sure looks that way,” Claire replied casting her eyes around the venue. She took in the crowd gathered as well as noticing where the security guards were posted around the dance floor should she wish to leave early or if anyone became overtly obnoxious towards her. 

In the throng of the crowd, the two women got separated from each other. As Claire drew parallel with one of the couples dancing and tried to pass by; a man broke away from his partner. He stepped in front of her grabbed her hands and began to shimmy up against her gyrating to the music. He twirled Claire around the dance floor then brought her flush to his chest simulating erotic moves rotating his hips back and forth. She managed to break away just as Geillis came to her rescue, dragging her to a table situated near the band.

“You okay Claire?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Some of the guys can be jerks … you have to watch out or they’ll grab you.”

“So, I noticed.”

“Hey look … there he is! There’s my guy!” Geillis excitedly announced pointing towards the stage where a live band was playing. 

“Which one?”

“The lead Guitarist … The good looking one with the goatee beard. Isn’t he a spunk?”

“Ahhh! I see.”  “Well? What do you think?” “He’s okay I guess.” “Wait until you meet him. He’s a honey.” They ordered a drink then watched the people on the dance floor while they waited. Couples continued dancing until the band’s medley came to an end and they took a well-earned break. Taped music took over from them until the new replacement band had set up their instruments. The band members dispersed to meet up with the groupies hanging around or girlfriends who were waiting. Geillis waited for the lead guitarist to finish putting away his instrument, then she ran up to him and threw her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately oblivious to those around them. Claire watched from a distance as the two embraced once more then headed for the quiet seclusion of the table she had procured. Dragging him by the hand towards her friend Geillis gushed, “Claire … this is Dougal.” She smiled. “Hi … I’m Claire.” “Hey … Nice to meet you.”

For a lead guitarist, Claire thought he was quite shy and reserved.  He was quite tall and dark haired but she could see that he had heart eyes for her friend. Dougal had left his hand on Geillis’s back as they were introduced and she could see the reciprocated looks she too gave her man.  Taking her cue from their body language that they wanted to be alone, Claire asked, “Hey how about some more drinks? … My shout,” she offered.

“Thanks,” they said in unison but with eyes only for each other.

“Okay then … I’ll be right back.”  ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  The three friends sat at their secluded table and engaged in animated small talk in the dimly lit nightclub as they waited for the replacement band to begin their bracket. The new group finally belted out a rock tune, and the throbbing cadence of the music was so loud and pulsating that they could barely hear themselves speak.

“The music is a bit loud isn’t it?” Claire stated leaning towards Geillis.

“What?” she queried. A little louder she repeated her statement. “I said the music is a bit loud.” “Yeah … it is a bit …” Geillis replied raising her voice to make herself heard too before turning her attention back towards her beau.

Claire watched as Dougal and her friend sat with their heads close together oblivious to everything and everyone but each other. She and Jamie would do that too and Claire had to look away as she felt a tear well in her eyes.  She couldn’t let the happy couple see her sadness and shrugged off the negative melancholy with a more positive feeling of her love’s return. Claire knew he would be back but when was the question she couldn’t answer. She missed him something fierce and longed to feel his arms around her and taste the sweetness of his kisses, just as Geillis was receiving from Dougal.    

Feeling like the third wheel, Claire nonchalantly scanned the room looking from one side of the nightclub to the other. Couples were on the floor dancing to the music while others were sitting with people having drinks. She observed several young Scottish men flirting with their girlfriends and that too made her think of the banter between her and Jamie.  He would flirt with a lamp post but she always gave as good as she got as well.  They were perfect for each other and their flirting was a prelude to the foreplay that inevitably led to lovemaking. Sighing, Claire took a long swallow of her favourite whisky. She had not seen her lover for months and thought it was time she pulled herself together and got over her sadness of missing him. Tonight’s outing was why Geillis had brought her here … to reconnect with life, to have some fun and to forget her missing the love of her life.  Her friend was right. Jamie would be home for Valentine’s Day.  She just knew he wouldn’t miss this special anniversary.

When Dougal eventually turned away from his girlfriend and reached for his glass of beer, Claire engaged him in conversation while he had a sip of his beverage, taking the opportunity to find out a little more about him before the band began a new song.  

“So, Dougal … How long have you worked here?”

“Since the club opened. Why?” “I heard that a guy called Steven Cree owns Sub Club. Does he ever come here?” “Sometimes.” “Is he here tonight?” she enquired enthusiastically. “No he’s not.” “I’ve also heard he’s a very funny comedian … Is that correct?” Dougal smiled, “Yeah … you could say that. He does a stand-up comedic routine from time to time.  The patrons love him. He’s hilarious. He’s doing a gig next Saturday week I believe.”

The music had the crowd soon rocking again and Claire watched the patrons enjoying themselves dancing and moving to the beat.  The pulsating rock music went on for several more songs until the band members also took a well-earned break. When the music stopped playing all was quite except for voices in laughter and conversation as people returned to where they were sitting for a drink and a rest.

“Oops there’s my cue. Sorry girls … duty calls.”

Their conversation came to an abrupt halt as Dougal rose to leave for the band’s next bracket. Geillis gave him a sad look as she rested her hand on his arm savouring that last touch before he had to leave. Leaning down he gave her a quick hug and a kiss before returning to join his other band members on stage.

“Enjoy the night girls … See ya later babe … ‘Bye Claire, nice meeting you.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* to be continued

[kuno-chan]

Out of Fables - Ch. 8, New Routines

Rating : T

Summary : It’s been five years since Kai left, three years since their children were taken away and Jinora Gyatso has had non-stop poor luck since. Now, she lives in a dingy Republic City apartment with no remnants of the life she had built with her former love. Fortune seems to smile upon her, however, when an email arrives from her daughter begging her to come to a town called Fablebrooke.

This story was written by both kuno-chan and spiritypowers.

Please consider reviewing on fanfiction.net

–

The box landed on the off-white carpet with a dull thud, the contents clattering inside as Jinora sat down next to the pile of boxes. Her entire body was heavy with exhaustion, remembering the hard way just how much work moving actually was. Especially now that she wasn’t just moving by herself anymore.

“I think that’s everything,” came Zuko’s soft voice, and Jinora stood up somewhat reluctantly, having lost count of how many times that day she’d thought just how lucky it had been that the kids had been taken in by someone so congenial and caring.

Seriously, how many middle-aged legal guardians just helped two struggling parents move in with their children without a second thought?

“Thank you, again,” Jinora said, shaking his hand gratefully. “I mean, for everything. The kids really needed you and you took such good care of them. I’m just so grateful.”

“It’s quite alright. The pleasure was mine. I just want them to know that they’re always welcome to come around at any time.” Zuko smiled at the kids standing nearby. “I’m going to miss them.”

For the first time since Jinora had arrived, Nima actually stepped forward and hugged Zuko. She did so very reluctantly, but the look on Zuko’s face told Jinora that it meant the world to him and even more so when the twins joined in, Taani included. He patted them on the heads and hugged them back gently.

“We’re gonna miss you too,” said Nima quietly.

“Yeah, and all the space in your house,” said Rama. “Toys too.”

Jinora made a face at her son’s back.

“Rama,” she chided playfully. “Don’t say that.”

Rama shrugged as the three of them let go.

“Well, you’re always welcome to visit,” Zuko said with his signature gentle smile. “Even if you’re not living with me anymore, my home is always yours, too.” He looked up at Jinora and Kai, who joined Jinora’s side from upstairs. “As long as your parents allow it, and, of course, stop by for dinner as often as they can.”

“We will,” said Kai, smiling. “Thanks, Zuko. We really appreciate it.”

Zuko nodded, still smiling, and after bidding goodbye to them all, left the five of them to unpack.

“Well, uh…” began Kai, half-looking at Jinora. “We probably should get started…?”

Now that Zuko left, Jinora became well aware that she was now alone with Kai… and she would be a lot now these days. She grunted, moving from his side and starting to grab a box, any box, to work on just to get away from him. Hearing him sigh gave her a small satisfaction.

It took them two days to get themselves all completely unpacked, joining Zuko for dinner both nights to alleviate the workload, but finally, it was done. They worked all day and Jinora and Kai worked a little late in the night to get everything all straightened out. Together, they took the kids to school and picked them up from school as well. In those two days, nothing changed though. Jinora stayed as silent as she could be around him. She would keep her promise.

She wanted him to know just how much she hadn’t wanted to do this. Every minute of this domestic thing with him gave her a headache as she was brought back to a time five years ago when Nima first went to school or when the twins were born or when they would go to the park in the summer. All things he had given up and had somehow cajoled her into situations where she now had to do these things with him. Letting down the children wasn’t exactly worth it, she decided, and she would have to live with it.

And live with it, she did.

Like it, she did not.

-:-:-:-

“You still haven’t figured out who the Savior is?” the voice on the other end scoffed. “You’re really losing your touch.”

Zuko frowned, resisting the urge to hang up and throw the phone to the other side of the room. “It’s been a busy week. Things have been changing with the kids, and it doesn’t seem like anything other than that has changed. I’m in the clear for now.”

“Oh? And if the Savior awakens before you’ve figured everything out?”

“What do you care?”

“I have my reasons,” the voice said in a non-committal tone. “Reasons that I’ll keep to myself.”

Zuko rolled his eyes. “Fine. Very well. Either way, I could probably figure it out faster if you would quit taunting me about it.”

A heavy sigh was heard from the other line. “Zuko, do you know why those children were brought into Fablebrooke?”

Zuko’s throat closed up. “Whatever is in that greasy head of yours, do not involve them-”

“Oh, they were involved before they got here. You could say...they were born into it.” There was a chuckle from the other end and Zuko had to resist rolling his eyes again - the man couldn’t even make a joke without being insufferable about it. “I’ll let you figure that one out. Remember, time is quite literally ticking.”

The call beeped to an end.

Whatever the arrogant bastard was rattling on about, Zuko wished he would just quit calling wanting to play twenty questions.

Hadn’t he created this town to escape all that in the first place?

Zuko sat down on the edge of his couch and rubbed his temples. Whatever. He had more important things to do than to humor this man and his cryptic nonsense.

And right now, the most important thing was sleep. He had to help the kids and their parents with settling in early the next morning.

After all, the best way to spite every bump in his path was to attempt at the normalcy he’d achieved in this town before. And attempt he would, at least until the Savior made themselves known.

He drowsily figured that he’d burn that bridge when he got there.

-:-:-:-

It was a rainy day.

It was a restless day.

It was a restless day every day.

Jinora did not like looking at Kai if she didn’t have to. The more he called her name for any reason the more she couldn’t resist frowning at him. The more she saw his face the more she just wanted to slap him.

It was terrible, but she even got up most mornings, like this one, dreading facing him for the day. She got up out of bed, half dragging herself to the door it felt like and almost groaned when she saw Kai sitting on the couch with his laptop on the coffee table.

“Why aren’t you getting the kids up?” she asked, crossing her arms.

He looked up at her.

“It’s only six,” he said quietly. “It won’t take them long to--”

“They’re ten and two five year olds, of course it’s going to take them a long time,” she said, throwing down her arms and trudging past him. “What three kids do you know that don’t take a long time to get ready for school?”

“Jinora, it’s not a big deal,” he said, taking a quick sip from his coffee mug. “I can get them up if you want to maybe go make them breakfast.”

She shot him a look and he put his mug down.

“Or I can go make them breakfast,” he said. “That works too.”

She rolled her eyes.

“If you wanted to help then you wouldn’t be screwing around on your laptop--”

“Hey, I’m just responding to some job related emails, okay? I wanted to get to them as early as possible.”

“What job related emails?” she shot back. “You don’t exactly have a job to respond to last time I checked.”

Kai raised his eyebrows.

“How about job related things like interviews and applying. You know, actively trying to get a job. I’m looking for one, Jinora, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

Jinora snorted.

“Fine, whatever. I need to get the kids up. You do… whatever it is you have to do.”

“We’re already up,” said a small voice from the hallway and Jinora saw Nima actually coming from her brother and sister’s room. “Their clothes are ready and Rama’s in the shower. Taani just wants her marshmallow cereal for breakfast and I’ll take a shower after Rama, then he can eat and Taani can shower after me.”

“Okay, baby,” said Jinora, grateful the girl was resourceful enough to get up on her own if every morning with Kai was going to be this edgy. “That’s good. What do you want to eat?”

“I’ll just eat what Taani’s eating,” said Nima, Taani’s hand in hers and leading her to the table and setting down Taani’s stuffed rabbit down on the seat beside her. “I’m okay with that.”

Nima kissed her father on the cheek as she passed him by and Jinora had to suppress the urge to send him a scathing look as she did. It was only made okay by the fact their daughter did the same for Jinora. Of course, she knew Nima didn’t prefer one parent over the other -- at least, she hoped -- but still. He didn’t deserve that. Any of this.

She’d say it once and she’s say it again. It just wans’t fair.

-:-:-:-

Though Pema had been planning to take the fifth grade kids to the hospital one day to volunteer with her since the beginning of the summer, she regretted it in an instant when it became clear to her just how...out of the place their energy could be in that setting.

Nurse Shung was thankfully more prepared for their visit than Pema had been, taking a few groups to spend some time with many of the older guests who were in need of some lively company, and allowing a few of the more sensitive children to visit child patients in the burn ward.

Nima was turning to join one of the groups when she paused, something in the coma ward catching her eye. Or, rather, someone.

“Miss Hee?” Nima tugged at Pema’s sleeve and pointed to a sleeping man in the far corner of the coma ward. “Do you know him?”

“Well, he’s one of the patients I visit regularly,” Pema said, “but no, not really. It’s hard to get to know someone when they’re not awake.” She smiled a little, but Nima frowned.

“He’s one of the patients Mom says you read to, right?”

Pema nodded. “Do you want to help me read to them?”

Nima then smiled and nodded, unzipping the too-big backpack hanging off one shoulder and pulling out her fairytale book. She put her backpack near the pile with the rest of the kids’ and tucked the book under her arm, using her other hand to tug Pema towards the patient.

This had to be him. She wasn’t sure how she knew, but she just knew, in her soul, just like she had with everyone else in town.

Now maybe her teacher wouldn’t be alone anymore. At least as much as possible before the curse was broken.

Nima sat Pema down in a chair beside the patient and set the book in her lap. turning it to a page with a watercolor illustration of Prince Charming and Snow White meeting for the first time.

Pema smiled slightly. “Any reason you want me to read this?”

Nima tried to shrug nonchalantly. “Just like the story, that’s all.”

Pema chuckled softly, deciding to humor the child as she looked down at the book, her eyes skimming over the small, black letters.

The story came out in a steady stream of words, Pema having had practice reading out loud for at least the past five years. The story was familiar, having owned the book before giving it to Nima. Snow White had been on her way to meet potential suitors, thoroughly dreading it, when her carriage was stopped by a fallen tree. The carriage was promptly robbed, and the princess, having been in a bad enough mood with her impending engagement, went after the bandit, who’d stolen a purse of jewelry, her mother’s necklace among them. She’d nearly caught the bandit, having tackled him to the ground, finding him to be much less rough-looking than she’d expected.

“...The bandit, bearing an uncanny resemblance to the runaway prince from the neighboring kingdom, threw the princess off of him, managing an embarrassed ‘Sorry,’ before disappearing amongst the trees.

The princess, feeling very frazzled and unprincess-like, called after him, ‘I will find you! I will always find you!’”

Pema opened her mouth to begin the next paragraph when she felt a strong grip on her hand. She looked up in surprise, then found that the man - Tenzin, if she was remembering correctly - had actually moved. And was holding her hand.

She stared wide-eyed, frozen for a moment, before she said in a small, timid voice, “...Sir?”

Tenzin groaned in his sleep, before his eyes slowly opened, taking a long time to focus on anything. When he did, his gray eyes focused on her, and Pema gulped, feeling oddly self-conscious under his gaze.

“What’s happening?” he asked, his voice raspy from disuse. Pema took Tenzin’s hand in hers, squeezing it gently.

“You’ve woken up from a coma,” she said as gently as possible. “It’ll be okay.” She turned to Nima, who had been watching the scene with eyes as big as saucers and a small smile. “Nima, could you please fetch a nurse?”

“Yes, Miss Hee!” exclaimed Nima, seeming far too bubbly as she skipped down the hall to locate a nurse. Pema shook it off, turning her attention back to the patient next to her, who was still clinging to her hand.

“Do you remember anything from before you got here?” she asked, her voice soft. Tenzin shook his head, his hair askew and his eyes cloudy.

“Who am I? Where am I?” he asked, his low, grave voice wavering. Pema gave him a sympathetic smile.

“Your name is Tenzin, they didn’t get your last name, and you’re in Fablebrooke Hospital, in the coma ward. You just woke up. And...you’re gonna be okay.”

The man still seemed unsure, his eyes now flitting across the room, but he nodded. “Okay.”

Pema’s smile brightened. “My name is Pema Hee. Do you want me to stay around if the nurses let me?”

Tenzin nodded immediately. “Yes, I just...don’t know who anyone is. I don’t remember anything, I-”

“It’s okay,” said Pema soothingly. “You’re okay.”

Then, Tenzin smiled appreciatively, and the strangest fluttering sensation went off in her chest, almost too subtle to notice if it hadn’t felt so oddly familiar. “Thank you,” he said, and Pema nodded.

“Of course....Tenzin.”

-:-:-:-

The mattress was small and squeaked a little when they shifted, but Jinora couldn’t find it in her to mind as Nima snuggled up next to her, Rama settled himself into her side and Taani adjusted herself in her lap. When Jinora opened up Nima’s fairytale book, the book was promptly closed shut on her again.

“We have to wait for Daddy,” Nima said, and Jinora’s mood dampened.

She tried not to show her disappointment when Kai showed up, a grin on his face, though didn’t care much if she failed. Would her children wait for her before bedtime stories, she wondered? Or was that something specifically saved just for their father?

“Can Daddy read the story?” Nima asked again. “I like it when he does the voices.”

Jinora stalled slightly, not knowing what to say for a moment. She certainly couldn’t say no, of course.

“Sure,” she said quietly.

Kai gave her a small, almost nervous smile, sitting down on the edge of the bed next to her, Nima snug between the both of them. Jinora frowned, wishing more than ever that they’d had enough money to afford a bigger mattress for the kids.

Nima opened the book to a page near the beginning and handed it to her father, who set it wide open on his lap. His eyes scanned the page momentarily, familiarizing himself with the words and characters in a flash before bringing them to life with his voice and his facial expressions.

Jinora’s throat tightened. It was one of the things she loved about him.

It was one of the things she had loved about him.

Jinora looked at her three children, Nima and Rama smiled and even laughed at their father’s voices while Taani relaxed peacefully in her mother’s lap. The three of them listened to their father, Taani nodding whenever he turned his voice and expression on her and Nima and Rama completely attentive to him. Every now and again though, Jinora swore, he glanced up at her. He did it again and she frowned, raising an eyebrow.

Why did he keep glancing at her?

Quite frankly, she wished he wouldn’t. She didn’t want to see his face at all when he was reading to their children like this. It brought back flashes of when she was gleefully reminded of why she had loved him so much. When things were so much simpler.

“...and the Evil Emperor brought down a curse on the land and all its peoples,” said Kai in a mystical voice. “A curse that would take everyone to a land without magic and strip them of all their happy endings. They would forevermore and eternally be discontent, time frozen, and the precious things in their lives taken just out of their reach. The child of Snow White and Prince Charming, however, was spared by her parent’s love and quick wit. It is said that she will one day return to free them from the Evil Emperor’s clutches as the savior.”

“Mama, she looks like you,” said Rama, coming around to plop next to his father. He pointed to the girl in the painted picture. “Look, see?”

Reluctantly, Jinora looked at the illustration. It was in watercolor, like all the others, but the silhouette of a small, slender girl standing between her parents was still clear in the mess of color. She had dark brown hair, like hers, and her skin was also fair, like hers. There were next to no facial details, but she still caught a small, pink mouth and two large brown eyes.

Just like hers.

Jinora swore she caught both him and Nima taking a quick glance at her.

“That looks like a lot of people with brown hair and eyes,” Jinora shrugged, cringing a little at how curtly it had come out. It was just so hard to be warm when he was around.

“No, he’s right,” Kai said, pushing the book closer to her. “Her hair’s even curling up at her mouth the same way yours does.”

Jinora resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Are there any other stories you want to hear?” she asked the kids instead, noting the untouched pages closer to the front of the book, and, frankly, tiring of this overarching theme of a curse and a Savior that was so present near the end of the book.

“I wanna hear the one about the beast and the beautiful maid he fell in love with,” Nima piped up. Jinora wasn’t sure if her eyes were playing tricks on her or if Kai actually cringed.

“Actually, I think it’s time for you all to sleep now,” he managed, closing the book gently.

“Aww!” whined Nima.

“But I’m not sleepy,” yawned Rama, actually leaning on his father’s arm.

Kai smiled and Jinora looked away, listening to him chiding the two of them playfully.

“No bellyaching you two. Look, your sister’s already asleep,” he said and indeed Taani seemed to be perfectly comfortable laying against her mother’s bosom. “Come on, off to bed.”

They tucked the three in and said their goodnights, both of them kissing all three children on the cheeks and the forehead. Kai looked at each of them a half second longer than Jinora did, Jinora unable to be in the same room with Kai as he did this. Each second she couldn’t help, but think that he didn’t deserve to do that. He didn’t deserve to have those moments.

There was so much about their arrangement right now that he didn’t deserve. He didn't deserve to see them every day and he didn’t deserve their smiles.

No matter how much they smiled for him…

When they finished tucking the twins, Kai sighed.

“So, uh, they seem to like story time still. How about--”

“I don’t want to hear it,” she said curtly, turning her back on him.

He went silent after that and she could hear him shifting his way across the room.

“...goodnight then.”

She answered him by slamming the door in her wake.

-:-:-:-

“So...you still can’t remember anything?”

It had been a week since Tenzin had been discharged from the hospital, with few health complications other than general amnesia. He’d been a little weak, but was able to walk after a few days, albeit rather slowly. Just like now, near the old toll bridge between the coastal and wooded areas, though Pema didn’t mind a slow walk. Why speed past life when there was so much to take in?

“No,” said Tenzin sadly, his face downcast. He looked more cleaned up now, with his moustache and beard combed neatly with the sheen of having been freshly washed, his head now completely shaven. When Pema had asked about it, Tenzin had only shrugged, stating that it was more comfortable that way.

She’d been spending a lot of her free time with this strange man. She had brought him coffee in the morning (decaf, the nurses had recommended), had lunch breaks with him in the hospital, and even had dinners with him before going back to her place.

It should have felt as strange as she supposed it sounded, but, really, spending so much time with him was somehow one of the most natural things she’d ever done in her life.

“Not even about this town?” Pema asked, her brow furrowing. His back was straight like an arrow, and she couldn’t help but admire the gravity that seemed to come with each of his slow, steady steps.

“Well…” Tenzin stopped, looking out at the broken bridge. “Somehow, I remember this. From what, I’m not sure.”

“That’s something,” Pema pointed out cheerfully. “Maybe you used to come here often?”

Tenzin nodded slowly. “Yes...I believe I did.” His voice was low, quiet, and thoughtful as he looked at her, his grey eyes equally thoughtful. “And walking here with you...that also feels familiar, somehow.”

Pema’s throat went dry as her eyes met his, unwavering and without any fear, and she managed a small smile and a nod. “I was thinking the same thing.”

“Thank you, again,” said Tenzin gratefully, taking Pema’s hand in his, “for taking care of me this past week. And for visiting me so often even when I was still in a coma. I...everything has been so confusing lately, but you’ve somehow been the one steady thing in all of this.”

Pema’s smile widened. “Well, I’m happy to help a new friend.”

The corners of Tenzin’s eyes crinkled appreciatively, and they resumed walking, just chatting about the town, the weather, their favorite books...anything, really.

It was with a jolt in her heart that Pema realized that neither of them had let go of the other’s hand.

-:-:-:-

“Ms. Gyatso… you know why we’re here.”

The social worker closed her briefcase gently, looking at her through half-rimmed spectacles and a grim expression. Of course, Jinora knew the apartment they lived in was dirty -- she was always out looking for work, how was she supposed to find time to clean it? -- and it was in a terrible neighborhood, but she didn’t have any choice. This was the only place she could afford and it wasn’t as if she could afford a babysitter.

“Please,” pleaded Jinora, her throat tight as she found herself walking in front of the door to her children’s bedroom. Her voice was but a whisper as she glanced at the two officers standing next to the woman. “Don’t. Give me a chance. I can do this. I just need time--”

“We have given you time,” said Ms. Reng. “And you still have no job. Not only that, but the environment is filthy and, according to your five year old, she’s left home alone all the time? In this neighborhood? Ms. Gyatso, you must know that the children simply can’t survive like this. You cannot support these three children all on your own and you’ve run out of options.”

“I-I-I’ll get a babysitter! Really I will!” Jinora could feel her eyes stinging. “I just-- with the job situation I can’t afford one, but we’ll find another place to live. Please, I’ll do anything! I’ll apply to the state for help again, please! Unemployment again! Anything, I’ll do anything! Please!”

Ms. Reng took her glasses off and pursed her lips, a sure sign that Jinora knew her pleas fell on deaf ears. Jinora backed up into the door, each hand clutched into the old paint chipped door frame like a dragon guarding its treasure.

They could not take her children.

This couldn’t be happening...

This couldn’t be happening.

She was trying. The kids were doing alright. Not the greatest, but alright! Nobody would hire her and all the places that did seem fine with hiring her seemed to either hire her for ulterior… physical purposes as evidenced from her last boss at the drug store who encouraged her to wear low cut tops because they were “the in thing” right now for ladies her age or they because they needed someone temporary. It was hard when you didn’t have a high school diploma. Nothing to show anybody that you were worth hiring. What skills did she have to show for?

If they would just let her keep her children she would go out and find the first decent strip club, she swore. Anything. Damn her dignity and damn her pride to hell and back. She knew they paid fair enough and even if it would get her ridicule for the rest of her life in some form or way, at least she would be able to pay her bills and feed her children.

“Ms. Gyatso, please. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

“Don’t take my children,” she breathed. “Just don’t take my children.”

Ms. Reng sighed heavily.

“Ms. Gyatso… I’m sorry. This is above my head… you’ve run out of time.”

“No!” cried Jinora and she turned around as if to hug the door. She felt two pair of hands easily, but surely wrench her away from the door. They entered the room and all Jinora could hear was Nima screaming, the officers attempting to calm her down and Ms. Rend attempting to soothe her.

The twins began crying and Jinora leapt into the room, she tried to get to her children, but one of the officers made sure to separate her. The other officer, resigned to his duty, grabbed Nima as gently as he could and picked her up, doing his best to ignore her crying.

“Mommy!” sobbed a five year old Nima as the officer lifted her from the room. “Mommy! Where’s he taking me!?Mommy, help me! I don’t want to go! Mommy!”

“Let her go!” cried Jinora, reaching out to grab her daughter’s hand, their fingers just brushing as her daughter was being grabbed from the room. When she turned, Ms. Reng was lifting a screaming Rama and Taani who had hidden herself under the blankets of the bed. Though Taani wasn’t screaming nor did her face show any evidence of panic, she was frantically trying to get free of Ms. Reng’s grip and Rama was sobbing, screaming out of his mind, reaching for his mother and clearly terrified of what was going on.

Jinora pushed, screamed and kicked as the officer held her for good measure as her children’s screams died down.

No.

She pushed the officer away with all the force she had and raced down the hall, down the stairs and out the building where her children were being loaded into an official looking black car.

“NO!” Jinora almost ran her face straight into the car’s back seat window, skidding to her knees. She banged on the window, desperate to calm her crying children and soothe away Nima’s scrunched up face as mother and daughter both banged on the window to get to each other. Behind Nima, Jinora could see Rama reaching his arms out for her and Taani trying to undo the buckle of her carseat. It made Jinora sob and her face contort from the pain that was wrenching at her heart.

I can’t save them, she realized as she tried to open the door, but of course, it was firmly locked.

“Mommy! I wanna go with you! I don’t wanna leave! Mommy, please!” screamed Nima and Jinora sobbed harder.

“Ms. Gyatso. I’m sorry,” said Ms. Reng, hand on the driver’s seat door.

“NO, YOU’RE NOT!” Jinora turned on her, screaming like a banshee and the officer held her back from lunging. “ YOU’RE TAKING THEM AWAY! GIVE THEM BACK! GIVE MY BABIES BACK!”

“Do you really believe that you can help them? Do you?” asked Ms. Reng, raising her voice now too. “ Look at you! You have no stable job, you’re barely home, no connection to family! This. This is the only way to help your children.”

With that, Ms. Reng put her glasses back on and got in the car. Jinora would never forget the way Nima turned around in her seat, banging on the rear window of the car as if she were being kidnapped. The officer let go and Jinora ran after the car, painfully aware that she could never catch up. When she was two blocks in running, she tripped, but couldn’t find the strength to get up.

On the pavement she laid, crying and just ignoring the passerby who stopped to ask her if she were okay.

No, she wasn’t okay. She was now completely alone and her children were being taken to only spirits knew where.

She was not okay.

And then she woke up.

Jinora bolted upright with a gasp, cold sweat dampening her skin and she fought to catch her breath.

She clutched at the sheets around her. her eyes adjusting in the dim room. Light streamed in through the blinds, and Jinora ran one hand through her messy hair.

Just a dream. It was all just a dream.

Hot tears pricked at her eyes and streamed down her face without warning, and she drew her knees up to her chest, hugging them to her as she cried into the blanket that covered her.

She wasn’t sure how long she’d been crying when she finally lifted her head, her face and the blanket damp with tears. Jinora reluctantly slid out of bed, the fatigue of sobbing already weighing her down as she made her way to the bathroom and washed her face.

The kids were here. The kids were safe, and healthy. She wouldn’t have to say goodbye to them again.

Maybe someday, when she was a little more settled in town, she could see if Zuko would be willing to let her have formal custody of the kids. Even sharing custody with him would have been alright; he was a stable home for them, and he truly cared for the family.

She frowned at herself in the mirror when she remembered that Kai would probably want to share custody of the kids, too.

Jinora wiped away the cold water with a towel, furiously rubbing at her skin. It wasn’t fair. If he hadn’t left, they wouldn’t even be in this mess. They would still be completely hers. If he’d at least given her fair warning when he’d abandoned them and ripped her heart out-

She slipped on a t-shirt and some old skinny jeans, and quickly rolled some socks onto her feet before walking out of her tiny bedroom to the smell of pancakes. The kids were already fully dressed and seated at the small, rickety dining table near the kitchen, where Kai was flipping more pancakes, and, quite frankly, getting flour all over the counter. She scowled; she’d have to clean that up later. She’d learned over the past few weeks that the man still couldn’t clean the kitchen properly.

“Good morning, Mommy!” Nima piped up, scrambling out of her seat to hug her mother. Jinora smiled a little, hugging her daughter back. “Daddy made us pancakes!”

Jinora’s smile grew strained. “I see,” she said, allowing Nima to pull her to the dining table. Nima sat her down at an empty chair, where a stack of misshapen pancakes were already in front of her.

“It’s okay, Daddy made them taste better than they look,” Nima giggled, sitting back down at her own chair.

Jinora glanced briefly at Kai, who was looking at her expectantly, then quickly forced her eyes back to the plate in front of her. “I’m sure they are,” said Jinora, not sure if she wanted to eat anything from Kai.

Jinora picked at her food as her children ate, Nima and Rama chatting with their father. She took several bites, but finished hardly half her plate. Thankfully, the children didn’t notice and they went inside to finish brushing their teeths and to get their backpacks. When they left, Jinora stopped eating entirely and Kai sighed.

“What’s wrong now?” he asked, putting his plate aside.

“Nothing,” she said, frowning at him. “Why would anything be wrong?”

“Because it’s obvious--”

“Just keep your thoughts to yourself, okay? I don’t care to know them.”

He raised his eyebrows, but otherwise didn’t seem surprised like he used to be.

“I’m pretty aware of that, but there must be something I can do to make it better at least. Maybe just be an open ear… hey, I’m just trying to make this as comfortable as possible. I know that right now it’s not exactly good between us, but I’m willing to try,” he said. “There has to be something I can do.”

“There’s not,” she said curtly.

“Jinora--”

“Right now, the only thing I care about from you is the mess you made. Look at this place!” She stood up now, gesturing to the kitchen counter covered in flour. Flour that she was going to have to clean up where he’d been so careless. “It’s a disaster! God, twenty-nine years old and you still need someone to clean up after you!”

Kai actually looked taken aback. Offended even.

“I’m going to clean it up,” he said, getting up and putting his plate in the sink. “I was just trying to do something for the kids and for you. It’s not--”

“It’s a complete mess in here. Spirits, just-- can’t you do anything!?”

“Damn it, Jinora,I’m trying.”

Jinora’s head whipped around in his direction as he stood straight up, throwing his arms up. He narrowed his eyes at her, frowning deeply. Across the table from her he stood, scowling, apparently finally having reached his limit with her. So what? So what if he didn’t like what she had to say?

He deserved every venomous word.

“I don’t care--”

“I know you don’t!” he snapped. “I am so very aware that you don’t care! I know you hate my guts with a burning passion! I get it! I get it, Jinora!”

“Oh, yeah!?” she came around the kitchen table to be face to face with him. “You think you really get it--”

“Yeah, I do! Nothing I ever do is going to be good enough for you! Nothing! Not now and not ever! But you know what? I’m trying! And I could really do with some cooperation here! I don’t know what you want me to do!” he said, raising his voice. “But you’re so busy being bitter--”

“Bitter?” cried Jinora, almost shrilly. “I wonder who made me that way!”

“I know what I did, but I can’t make up for it if all you want to do is give me the cold shoulder!”

“That’s what you get!” she yelled in his face. “You left! You left and everything here is your fault!”

“Not everything!”

She actually went silent at that.

No everything…?

Not everything?

How dare he--

“Of course everything's your fault! How is it not--”

“I didn’t lose the kids! How the hell was it my fault that the kids were lost after I--”

Something inside Jinora’s chest cracked wide open and out spilled energy hot on rage and contempt for the man who left her and their three children. How dare he? How dare he? How dare he? This piece of scum who didn’t even deserve to walk the earth let alone be in the presence of those said three children.

“THAT WAS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT!” Jinora shouted at the top of your lungs. “ALL OF IT! YOU LEFT AND YOU LEFT US WITH--”

“AND YOU WON’T EVEN LET ME EXPLAIN WHY I LEFT! WHY SHOULD I LET YOU EXPLAIN AWAY HOW THE KIDS GOT TAKEN AWAY?”

Jinora’s hand flung before she even knew what she was doing, but she had no regrets after her hand met his cheek. In fact, she did it again with a resounding smack. When she pulled back to do it a third time, he caught her her hand and she pushed him away.

She seethed. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream and hit him and everything else under the sun. A bitter toxin had built up in her since the day she realized he was never coming back, but now here he was. Here he was standing there with the gall to blame her for the government taking away their children.

He left.

Why the fuck did he still care?

“I hope you just go somewhere and die,” she hissed at him, turning when she heard someone gasp. Nima stood there with her hand over her mouth, but Jinora could barely register her daughter’s presence.

“..mama?” she asked in a small voice, Rama and Taani peeking from around their older sister. Jinora could hear Kai panting slightly from their sudden shouting match and he sighed.

“Kids, mommy and I are fine,” he said weakly.

“But...”

And then Jinora just couldn’t take it.

She walked swiftly away from Kai -- anything not to be near him right now -- and grabbed her coat as she walked toward the door. Kai was saying something to her and so was Rama, but she couldn’t hear them. Rather, she tried her best not to. It hurt too much to be reminded who those voices belonged to.

She muttered something to the kids about being good at school before shutting the door behind her, forgetting nor caring where she was supposed to be going.

-:-:-:-

“Daddy, I can walk to school by myself. I’ll take Rama and Taani. It’s fine. I’ve done it loads of times,” said Nima for the hundredth time. Her father kept on calling her mother, but she wasn’t answering and Nima knew she was refusing to answer because, from what Nima had seen, her mother always answered her phone.

Her father frowned at her, and knelt down to her level.

“...are you sure?” he asked. “Daddy’s running late for his job interview otherwise I’d definitely take you. You know that, right?”

Nima nodded.

“It’s okay, Daddy. Zuko let us walk whenever he had important mayor stuff to do. I know the way even from here.”

After a moment, he smiled at her and kissed her on the cheek.

“Okay,” he said. “If you’re sure. I’ll call the school to make sure you’re there.”

She nodded again and took her brother and sister’s hands as they walked out the door, Rama waving back at their father who left speedily in his car. Nima was very used to this and had been used to walking to school by herself even before Fablebrooke. Most of their former foster homes didn’t have people who walked her to school anyway. Up until this year, Nima always walked by herself. After she’d been taken from her mom, it seemed like no one thought it necessary. That, or like her father, they simply couldn’t. Anyway, Fablebrooke was a much easier neighborhood to walk through. No need to take long routes to avoid certain streets or finding certain hiding places in case she saw certain people coming her way from a distance. No watching out for people who seemed like they weren’t very nice.

Even before her mom had come back, Nima had already made note of the route to school. She’d asked Zuko to take her so she could memorize it, knowing full well that he would probably be too busy to walk with her. When he’d insisted that he’d just drive them, she wondered what made him want to do that.

Nobody else before him had bothered to even when she asked because it was raining outside or because it was cold. She was used to this. Still, she insisted that she’d learn the routes anyway.

He called her responsible, but she didn’t really know why he might say that. Who else was going to make sure Rama and Taani got to school safely?

Before Zuko, she made sure they got fed, that they had clean clothes, that they weren’t too sick, that they got to bed on time, that they took their naps when they were cranky. She made sure they brushed their teeth before bed and had the right stuffed animal for the night. When they had bad dreams, she made sure they could get to her bedroom and that she had room in her bed for them both because she knew that when one of them left their room, the other was going to come find them. She changed their diapers when they were still just two year olds learning how to potty train, she bathed them, helped them get better when they were sick. And that was just the stuff that she could remember. Most of the time she didn’t even think about it.

They were all just things her parents did for her.

If they weren’t going to be able to take care of Rama and Taani then nobody else was going to, right?

It was an easy feat to drop Rama and Taani off at their classroom though she almost ran late for her own. That was okay. She still made it on time. Lunch came and she realized that her mom hadn’t packed it like she was supposed to. That made her a little sad, having settled for a bag of chips a friend didn’t want. Food was something she usually really looked forward to in the day and she really needed it today, considering how her parents that morning…

With no real food in her stomach, it was hard to think about anything but. She was supposed to be writing her essay Miss Hee had assigned them, but all she could think about was getting a bite to eat. The sooner the day was over, the better, at this point. When it finally did end, her father, thankfully, picked them up promptly.

“Mom?” called Nima when they got home. No one answered and she looked at her father. “Mom’s not home?”

His smile was strained.

“Sorry, baby girl. She’s working late tonight.”

“Oh…” she said, her shoulder slumped.

He patted her on top of the head.

“But it’s only for tonight. Don’t worry.”

That night, her mother came home almost close to their bedtime. Immediately, Nima, Rama and Taani all went to show her what they did at school that day.

And she seemed like she was trying to pay attention; she really did. She looked on at Rama and Taani’s art projects fondly and promised to put them on the noisy old fridge, and her eyes scanned the first page of Nima’s rough draft, smiling and noting that they both shared a gift with words. But her eyes seemed tired, and not completely there. Nima tried not to notice the spark of irritation that almost completely overtook their mother every time she looked back up at their father.

What Nima thought would subside in some capacity, did not. Her parents bickered late at night about one thing or another, finding something to snap about. They didn’t shout like that one day, but her mother always seemed to find something about her father to criticize and, sometimes, her father criticized back. A few days afterwards, her parents hadn’t even gotten up -- probably tired from biting at each other -- and Nima had been the first one to get up out of habit from making sure the twins were taken care of in the morning. That day, she packed a meager lunch for herself and the twins -- they had snacks in kindergarten anyway -- had only been able to pack quick snacks. She assured her father, again, that she could easily walk to school by herself now that he’d gotten a job that required him to work early in the morning. Her mother, on the other hand, had disappeared as fast as she could once she and Nima’s father were in the same room. When they came home, the time was tense, neither of their parents saying so much as a word to each other and, when they did, it usually resulted in her mother snapping at her father about something.

The thing was though that the days wore on like this.

After a few days, Nima had gotten used to waking up by herself and getting the twins ready for school. She was getting used to waking her parents up. She was getting used to them staying up late because of something related to be mad at each other. These days, there were always mad at each other. Or rather, her mother always wanted to be mad at her father it seemed, never smiling at him or even trying to be polite with him and they generally ignored each other.

However, Nima hardly noticed. Some days, she wasn’t making herself lunch. She didn’t have time even when her mother did take her to school. Often, it was in silence. Was her mother mad at them? She hadn’t been able to think too much on that either. When they came home, the twins would always end up being hungry and it was Nima who got up from her homework to make them a snack -- her parents were too busy ignoring each other in their own rooms and wrapped up in their laptops. It would get late and she would have to go tug on her mother or her father to ask what was for dinner to which it seemed like they had forgotten what time it was and immediately get up to cook. After the fourth day of having to do this, she stopped going to ask and just pulled out whatever was in the fridge. The twins would eat salad for dinner after all and she’d cooked them a thousand grilled cheese sandwiches over the years. Neither of her parents minded. In fact, they appreciated it, calling her that word again: responsible.

While it seemed like her parents always meant to do things, they always got stopped by each other. Her mother couldn’t look at her father and it always seemed to upset her father so much he just kind of didn’t know what to do. And Nima hated to remind them to do stuff like the laundry and dinner and walking with them to school when they were upset at each other. They always looked so guilty and sad when she did that, apologizing two, three, four times for seemingly forgetting something important. Nima hated that. She hated to make them feel bad.

So she just did whatever it is they forgot.

By the second or third week -- it was hard to keep track -- Nima was making dinner most nights. She reasoned to both of them that she simply liked to cook rather than see the guilty expressions on their faces if she told them that she didn’t want them to get upset anymore, even if it was with themselves. She did the laundry. Her own and the twins. Her parents didn’t seem to notice the twins always had clean clothes. They seemed to lose track of time as well. She prepared her own lunch as well as the twins, made their beds when they came home -- otherwise, Rama would pout about it when it was time for bed -- did her homework, made sure the twins got bathed, made sure the twins picked up their toys, cleaned their rooms when it got too dusty -- Taani hated it when things were really dusty -- read to them when their father seemed too sad to read to them and that was just the things she noticed herself doing.

Nima also got up early to make sure her parents got up for work on time. She put together their lunches before her own sometimes, earning pleasing smiles and kisses that would probably be the only time they smiled in the house that day. Sometimes, she made their beds too, knowing they wouldn’t remember to and she hoped sleeping on clean and neat sheets might make them feel better. When she made dinner, sometimes she tried to make enough for them so they wouldn’t have to cook. Afterwards, she cleaned the kitchen so they wouldn’t have to.

And after all this, they wouldn’t usually notice. They were usually too busy being upset at each other and when they did notice? She always made some excuse. Anything so that they wouldn’t feel like they failed her. After all, she’d been done all these things before for the twins. For the foster parents before Zuko who weren’t as nice as him or her parents.

Surely… surely they would stop sometime. Surely, after five years they would work. That they couldn’t just stay mad at each other all the time. Wouldn’t they get tired from being mad? They had to be tired. She was tired and she wasn’t even mad. Scared maybe, but not mad. How long had she waited for them to all live together again? But it seemed impossible to do so without them being upset for one reason or another. It didn’t used to be this way…

Yes, this wouldn’t last much longer. Surely, it wouldn’t.

It couldn’t.

Until then, she was fine picking up some chores, really she was. She told herself in the waning days that this was easy. Lots of people were tired every day. Why should she complain?

And then there was the fact that she’d done far worse than this. Being a little, maybe a lot, tired was nothing compared to what she had done for the twins before.

At least she wasn’t in pain.

At least she didn’t have to go to the hospital for this.

-:-:-:-

“So this first week with your parents has been…?”

Nima stared at Pabu, her vision growing hazy as she tried to search for the right words. His red hair seemed to flicker like a flame in her periphery.

“...Okay,” she said feebly, her vision focusing back to him just enough to see him raise an eyebrow.

Therapists weren’t supposed to judge. That was the cardinal rule of being a therapist, Pabu had said during one of their first sessions together nearly a year ago.

But Nima couldn’t help noting that that eyebrow felt just the tiniest bit judgey.

“Nima, you know what I’m going to ask by now,” Pabu said, a soft, knowing smile turning his mouth upwards. She felt a little more at ease again.

“I know, I know. Elaborate. They...they’re not… It’s not what I expected, I guess,” Nima mumbled, rubbing her hands on her jeans.

Pabu tilted his head at her questioningly. “Well, what did you expect?”

“I already told you,” Nima said, remembering two sessions ago when she couldn’t find it in her to shut up about how excited she was for them to be moving in together.

“I know,” Pabu said patiently, and Nima let out the smallest huff.

“I expected them to...I don’t know, be… It’s like they’re so busy being mad that they forget about everything else, and I’m trying so hard to make everything okay, but nothing...nothing is working.”

“They’ve been apart for five years,” Pabu said simply, but softly. “It was bound to be a little rough at first--”

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” Nima said, her voice cracking against the lump rising in her throat. “I thought I got what I wanted but it isn’t right and I’m trying to be good but they’re always--” A tear trickled down her cheek and she wiped it furiously. “I just wish I could keep their attention, somehow.”

Pabu’s eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Nima, if you’re considering doing anything on the level of what you’ve done in previous foster homes--”

“No, no,” Nima said quickly, unwilling to admit that her mind had began to wander down that road. Not anything worth of a hospital visit, just...something that would keep her parents talking to one another. Not yelling, talking. “I promised I wouldn’t do that anymore. I was just...thinking out loud.”

“Nima…” Pabu sighed sadly, leaning a little to look her in the eye. “Grown-ups are...complicated. You’d think we’d be better at handling our emotions and worries by now, but...sometimes, some of us get worse. And we pretend to know what we’re doing, but sometimes, if we’re under a lot of stress or undergoing a significant change in our lives, we’ll lash out or neglect the things and people we care about. We really don’t become much different than when we were children. Just more afraid, in some ways. Your parents are going to need some time to adjust to being together again, and it sounds like there’s a lot of hurt there. But just because things aren’t going the way you expected, doesn’t mean it’s your fault. Okay?”

Nima nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“Good.” Pabu smiled again, leaning back a little into his chair once more. “Now, you’ve been making sure to take care of yourself throughout all this? Some people -- and, historically, I have observed you falling into this pattern -- become self-negligent when they’re dealing with some big stressor in their lives.”

“I’m fine,” Nima said a little too cheerfully, and she supposed she was, as much as she could be. Taking care of four other people made it hard to remember to take care of herself, she supposed. “I eat enough and I do my homework and play with the twins and I take naps whenever I can. I really like the naps.”

“And it’s not affecting your normal sleeping patterns at all?” Pabu checked.

“No! No,” Nima said, sincere this time. “Really.”

Pabu smiled again. “Good. Anything else you wanted to share?”

She nodded, going on about whatever else was on her mind -- school was still okay, at least having Miss Hee around made things a little more fun, her father allowed her and her siblings to get as much bubble tea as they wanted now, and overall, things weren’t so bad.

And really, she thought to herself, they weren’t, considering everything that had happened recently.

Right?

--

I'm going to go ahead and let this chapter sink in more. A lot of angst and conflict building up that's important here. Jinora's really venemous and for everybody who wanted Kai to not be forgiven too quickly, oh, trust me, he won't be.

As always, guys we love it when you leave those reviews! They really keep us motivated and keep us writing! Thank you for reading! Tune in for next chapter!

[royal-despair-threads]

Liz & Kai [Prologue]

Kai wandered around once more with his little black notebook and pencil in hand, a weak but gently smile upon his face. The game of truth or dare had seemingly boosted the group morale, or atleast, as far as he knew. He had kinda zoned out halfway during the game, just kinda staring at the floor and doing nothing. He might have even been asked a question without him realising, poor kiddo.

But that game in the past. Now he had to continue with his two main goals, beside the whole 'Getting out of here' thing. He wanted to meet he people here, and incase the worst of the worst happened, he needed to know their after death wishes. The boy was a gravedigger after all, one that wasn't worried about his own safety. Not having seen Elizabeth before, Kai approached the woman and quietly went to sit down next to her, unsure of how he would approach the start of this conversation.

Liz was in a bit of a daze, daydreaming and imagining what could have possibly caused everyone to be put in this situation, when suddenly she looked over and it seemed a boy had appeared next to her. She hadn't heard him approach but more than she was surprised she was curious about what had made him head over.  "Um..." She looked over at him curiously, "What's up...?"

The boy spoke with a bit of a German accent and less than stellar Japanese. While he was able to speak the language, some of the pronounciations were kinda off and he had a lot of pauses where he had struggled with what to say next. " Miss... " Oof, " Can I ask you.... A difficult question? " He looked up at her with those white eys, which both looked creepy, cute and... Kinda sad at the same time. The staring sure wasn't helping.

Now Liz was even more curious, and a bit unsettled, those eyes were quite... Something. "Y-yeah, of course."

The boy nodded and looked away, just now having realised he was staring. His eyes moved around the room as he once again tried to find something to focus on, eventually asking the question. " What are your after death wishes? What should I do with your body after you die? " He opened his notebook and got ready to write it down, revealing a few names and wishes on that page already, and probably dozens if not hundreds on the pages before.

She took a moment to think, Liz had thought about this before, but still hadn't quite decided yet. "Hmm... Well I guess... I would want to be eaten by animals?" She pauses and thinks for a bit more, "I don't really see any reason for a tombstone or a grave, it's not like I have anyone significant that would grieve over me when I die... So maybe something like a... I saw this thing once in a documentary... A Tibetan sky burial? I think it's called? Although I'm not sure how possible anything like that would be these days... I guess either that or being turned into beads..."

Disturbingly enough, Kai knew full well what a sky burial was. There were a lot of mountains in Germany after all, and a lot of stupid hykers. Sometimes, you got a sky burial without asking for it. The boy nodded along to her, eventually speaking up. " I think... I may be able to arange either. Or if we can use the... Bones, both. " Normally, he was actually for having specific places or objects to remember people by, but if she had no one that would grieve over her, then he saw no reason to limit her after deatrh wishes in the slightest. Well, it's not like he would limit them anyway. Because, those kinds of decisions were left to the living.

He wondered if she wanted to be eaten by animals so she coudl give back to nature, or just because she thought it would be cool. The boy t hen realised something important, he had forgotten to introduce himself, again... " I'm Kai... Kai Schmutz. Ultimate Gravedigger... It has been nice to meet you...? "

Liz smiles, "It's nice to meet you Kai, I'm Elizabeth, the Ultimate Surgeon, but you can call me Liz. You have a lot of entries in that journal, do you ask everyone about their death plans?"

The boy finished down writing Elizabeth's requests, with her name as well. The name and talent sounded familiar, maybe if he had studied up on the other students some more, he might remember them. But for now, Kai simply closed the little journal and put it back in his pocket. While he had no problem sharing the fact he was collecting them, unless giving permission, he wasn't going to intentionally tell others about other people's death plans. " Yes... Incase the worst... Happens here. I want to make sure... Everyone can have a proper rest... And the ones left behind can grieve. "

"That's... Noble of you." Concern appears on her face, "I can't help but feel that whatever is happening is more sinister than we might expect... I just hope it doesn't result in the death of any of us." A bit more irritated she continues, "and I hope that everyone is more considerate to each other's safety, I don't think we should risk injuring each other...especially since all of my medical supplies seem to be missing..."

Kai wasn't going to say it, but he was also missing his shovel, so he wouldn't be very useful at the moment. The boy just nodded along, seemingly agreeing with everything she was saying. Or he was just spacing out again and nodding along automatically, he did seem a bit tired. " I hope so... As well. "

Now Liz was really starting to get nervous, should she try to continue the conversation? Should she just awkwardly sit there until one of them decided to stand up and leave? Is he even paying attention? "U-Um... So what do you think for the others in this group, pretty crazy crowd, huh?"

It really wasn't her fault. Kai was just bad at talking to people. He was better at listening and giving his advice after people vented to him. The boy didn't know why people vented to him but oh well. " Oh... I think so? But they all seem very... Nice. Except the red lady."

"yeah everyone that I've talked to so far has for the most part been great! Although from what I've seen I can agree about the, ah, red lady. I wonder if she'll ever actually hurt anyone though... Like really hurt anyone... That would certainly become problematic for our group..."

"She punched... Manobu in the crotch." It had been a very bad day for Manobu, and for anyone being forced to watch that nut punch. God it was a painful sight.

Liz looks a bit embarrassed that she had somehow forgotten that incident maybe she was asleep during the whole situation?, "w-well I mean if she would ever break someones leg or something... Uh..." Liz pauses, struggling to regain her composure then blurts out, "sooo, how would you like your body to be treated when you die?"

For a moment, a very... Strange look appeared on Kai's face as he stared at Elizabeth. The look was one of confusion, but not the kinda confusion he had shown when he woke up here. It was the kinda confusion when someone was faced with a paradox, like something was said to them that was just, impossible.

"What do... You mean?"

For a while Liz thought that the conversation might be relaxing in a weird sort of way. A conversation about philosophy, about the acceptance of death and reminiscence of life, but it most certainly had taken a turn for the... Weird. Liz didn't really know what to say. "Oh, uh sorry if that wasn't something... Appropriate to ask, I just thought that since you asked me about mine I'd ask you about yours o-or something..."

There were characters like Takuma and pretended, because they were a bit silly. There were characters like Cici, who acted chuunibyou and pretended to be things she wasn't, for the joy of it. But when Kai looked at Elizabeth, and spoke those words so calmly, there wasn't a hint of pretending anywhere. The boy wasn't joking around, not trying to be funny or edgy or whatever. What he said was as true to him that the sky was blue, or that if he stepped of a building, he wasn't just suddenly going to fly.

The look in his eyes was equally creepy, sad and yet painfully innocent. Which made his words and the implications behind it all the worse. " It's alright... But... What do you mean when... I die? " He tilted his head slightly. " Can't you see... I'm already dead? "

Red flags. Red flags everywhere. Elizabeth now understood that Kai wasn't... Quite like the others. She contemplated taking his pulse and showing him that he was more alive than he thought, or, in a flash of irritation at the what she felt was the simple untruth of that statement, she momentarily thought of perhaps nicking his finger to show the red, oxygenated blood that signified life, but instead she just sat there a bit stunned. "I...see..."

But no she couldn't just sit there and let Kai be Kai, a walking corpse is medically impossible afterall. LIz concealed her annoyance and turned to Kai, "but don't you feel your pulse?"

" No... I don't have one... Anymore? " Elizabeth might get the feeling that, whatever evidence she threw against Kai, it wasn't really going to work. This might be something more serious than she could imagine. Well, he wasn't actually dead, but his belief sure as hell was strong.

Liz was rather irritated now, given the opportunity she could easily bring his fingers to his jugular or wrist to help him feel the gentle pulse of blood flowing through his arteries and veins. She wasn't going to give up just yet, she almost felt that it would betray her medical education if she did. But what to say next? "H-huh? But... Just bring your fingers to your neck, a little below your jaw, don't you feel a thump thump? When you get scrapes and bruises don't they heal? You certainly aren't rotting right now."

" You can't see... It huh? " Kai stared a bit ahead but he did as she asked, putting his fingers to right where she wanted them to be. But... Nothing. The boy just kept staring ahead, seemingly not feeling anything as he just shook his head. If she felt something, she would feel a slow but real heartbeat just fine.