#I love the roller-coaster of serious questions and make out sessions

[thebloodredroses]

Bell's Hells not beating the horny polyamorous accusations

[satowooo]

I said "I love you."

you say nothing back

Falling in love with Gojo Satoru was as easy as reading the pages of your favorite book, not until you reached the very end of the chapter and the author just loves to twist the story.

contents: it was all a bet trope, angst lol, fluff, hurt!gojo, groveling, satoru gojo x fem!reader, college AU, playboy!gojo, comfort

credits to @/toOOfu for the art above!! ^^

***

September 1, 2023

"She looks like an easy target," Satoru chuckled as he watched you walk over to your friend, Utahime Iori, in the school cafeteria. It was one of those days when he would joke with Suguru and Shoko, with Suguru always making sure Satoru gets riled up by his joke.

Suguru simply told Satoru that girls may swoon over him, but he's sure that they're some others who probably would find him annoying, someone like you. That statement made Satoru cocky, and as prideful as he was, he made it into a bet that he'll make sure to make you fall in love with him by the end of December, enough time to swoon you over.

"We'll see about that, Satoru." Suguru smirked. "The end of December, you say?"

The latter nodded his head, a wide and annoying grin on his face. "Watch and you'll see, Suguru."

The catch? Nothing, just plain fun and feeding his ego.

"Satoru!" Oh, and here comes one of his girls. His flings.

September 2, 2023

Satoru wastes no time. The next day after making their bet, he quickly made advances towards you. After seeing you in the lockers first thing in the morning, he walked over and leaned to the locker right next to yours. And when you turned, you found him there with a smirk on his face.

"Hey, darling..." He said, almost seductively, if not only for the furrowed eyebrows in your face.

"Excuse me, who are you?" Your soft voice echoed in his head.

Now that hurts his ego. Satoru Gojo. Gojo Satoru. The handsome Satoru. The greatest. The flirt. The smartest. The playboy. The Gojo Satoru. The damn Gojo Satoru who you didn't even know who.

His mind was floating elsewhere after hearing your question. As unbelievable as it may sound, you were, unfortunately, serious about not knowing him. And guessing by the look in your face, he definitely was not making a good first impression.

First attempt: Failed.

But he's not the Gojo Satoru for nothing. No, he won't give up just yet.

So he straightened his composure, faking a cough as he flashes his smile that makes all his girls go crazy, and lowers his head to show you his ocean blue eyes underneath his glasses.

He definitely made sure you won't forget his name as he asks forces you to walk you into class, blabbering nonsense by your side.

You were just too nice to tell him to go away.

September 16, 2023

Gojo Satoru was persistent. Walking you to class, even waiting for you outside the door when he was vacant, disturbing your quiet study session at the library, sitting with you at the cafeteria table when Shoko or Suguru was not there. You definitely didn't forget his name this time as he became the annoying Gojo Satoru who's becoming a nuisance to your somewhat quiet life turned into a roller coaster.

During those days, Gojo found out things about you. You were studying at the architecture department, you like arts and coffees as for what he noticed when you were at the library, you were at the top of your class, and you have a few admirers that you turned down in a nice way possible, just like how you were turning him down too.

He also took note of the fact that you were introverted, and a little shy with people so he might just go easy on you. You had a soft voice, however, you weren't as innocent as you came out to be. You are honest with your words, so when you say you're not interested in him, then you're truly not.

You weren't an easy target after all. But Gojo Satoru loved the thrill, you challenged him so much that he wasn't about to give up now that you intrigued him. He wanted to prove to himself that he can get anyone, he can have whatever he wants, and he definitely will.

"It's raining, it won't hurt to get in my car, princess." He said nearly in your ears. You pushed his face away with a look of disgust.

"No way, Gojo. You probably took so many girls in there already, and how can I be so sure you won't do anything bad?" You frowned at him, shoving his chest away as you stand outside the doors of your building, waiting for the rain to stop. You were angry, but damn you can't even raise your voice at him.

Soft. Too damn soft. Can he break you?

Through the days that he came by to woo you, it didn't matter anymore what words came out of your mouth. People may see you as the shy type of girl, but you're not afraid to voice out your opinion, and your somewhat intimidating face speaks a lot for you.

"Jealous?" He laughed when you glared at him. "Princess, I can assure you I haven't taken anyone inside my car. Plus, I can even buy a new one exclusively just for you if it bothers you too much." He grinned, annoyingly.

You gave him a moment of silence, and that sparked a new hope in Satoru's ego that you might be considering his offer now.

"Well... no."

Oh.

But he could only smirk, assuming you were only playing hard to get. Girls always liked when boys chase after them, no?

"I'll walk you home then."

You shot daggers at his back as he ran to his car, and came back with an umbrella. His shirt got a bit soaked, hair a little wet after running to the car, but damn, he still got that annoying smirk on his face.

You sighed, how annoying.

September 29, 2023

He never gave up despite how you rejected him multiple times. He stuck by your side even though you don't want him to, and he was somehow getting into your system. He carries your bag when he walks you to class, or just about anywhere, and you didn't even give your bag to him—he practically forced you. He'd buy you coffee in the morning, making sure he gets the right order, and when you give money to pay, he'd refuse and shove the money back in your wallet. Sometimes, he'd give you sweets even if you don't ask him to, giving you the flavors that he likes the most.

Funny how you can't even get him to stop whatever he's trying to do. No man has ever pursued you like he does.

"Gojo–"

"That's Satoru for you, love." He cut you off with a playful smile. "Haven't I told you already?"

"Gojo." You repeated seriously. His eyes glinted with interest as he waited for your words. "Get lost, please."

How nice of you to say please.

He laughs. He had the audacity to laugh. "You know, you're really cute."

"Look," you sighed tiredly. "Whatever this is you're trying to do, stop. I'm not interested. If you want to get into my pants like you did to those other girls, that's not going to happen."

With one look at him, you snatched your bag from him and walked away with your heart beating loudly. Your face was heating up after saying each word, and never in your life have you turned someone down so harshly.

Satoru watched as you walked away. Sure, that hurt his pride, but he can't let his ego step on so easily.

He left you alone during the day, just giving you the space since he seemed to have pushed your buttons a bit. Plus, he was busy with basketball practice since his coach was already nagging him for not attending their training.

However, your assumptions were only proved to be true when you caught him with a girl at the parking lot the same day. A cheerleader, stroking his chest as if she was comforting him as her other hands wiped his sweat with a towel. You looked at his physique, Satoru Gojo was in his basketball uniform, showing a lot of his biceps. You watched as his adam's apple protruding as he drank his water.

You felt annoyed. Your eyes turning red when you see just how he didn't mind the cheerleader. Of course, Gojo Satoru was a playboy.

Who cares? You definitely didn't.

That's what you thought.

You walked in the opposite direction, just so you wouldn't cross paths. But of course, Gojo Satoru will always see you. After all, he was at the parking lot waiting just for you, and only you.

"Wait up!" You heard his voice from behind, and you didn't even look back, thinking he wasn't calling out for you. You wished he was calling for you.

Satoru grabbed your wrist, and forced you to look at him. "Hey!"

Your brows furrowed, trying to yank your wrist away at his strong hold. "What do you want?"

"Woah... slow down." He said as he grasped your elbows with both hands. His eyes searched yours, his piercing blue eyes staring at the raging fire burning in your gaze. "What's wrong?"

You swear, your brows almost met each other at him. But you didn't want to burst. At least, not in front of him. "Go back to your cheerleader, Gojo." You frowned at him.

He observed you for a minute, then a small smile crept on his lips. Realizing just how much he's finally having an effect on you.

"Sorry," he chuckled.

"What?!" You almost shout at him in annoyance.

"I said, I'm sorry, princess." He repeated. "I didn't think of you as the jealous type. Plus, she was just helping me."

"Help you what? Wipe off your sweat? Since you don't have the hands to do it for yourself?" You glared at his annoying handsome face. "You playboy. I knew you were just trying to play with me." You said, pushing his chest with your pointer finger.

He pursed his lips as he caught your wrist, stopping you. "Now, now, don't think like that." He chuckled. "I'm sorry, I'll be sure to push those girls away so you won't be mad at me anymore."

And damn, he was true to his words. He didn't know what got into him, but he definitely started rejecting every girl that came his way. He didn't even feel sorry, and he even stopped calling those poor girls with sweet endearments as he rejected them.

Gojo Satoru was slowly starting to feel something for you. But he doesn't even know it just yet.

In a span of a month, he successfully got into your system.

October 6, 2023

"How's the deal going?" Suguru asked as they walked together to their class.

"Poor girl, I heard from people that she's nice." Shoko added, shaking her head at them. "Though people may see her as intimidating, they said she's really kind. A soft voice, and all that. Shouldn't you stop, Satoru?"

"Nah, I think I'm enjoying this." Satoru shrugged.

Of course, Satoru definitely felt something tugging at his heart. He definitely liked having you around, since you were giving just the right thrill to rile him up, he loved every rejection, and every attention you gave him. But somehow, he was feeling a little guilty. But he's too prideful to even admit that.

"Plus, she's friends with Utahime. That girl hates you a lot, Satoru." Shoko said. "You wouldn't want to hurt her best friend."

October 13, 2023

"Didn't I tell you to call me Satoru?" He raised his eyebrows at you as he accompanied you in the library, placing a coffee and a small cookie right next to your books.

"We're not friends, Gojo."

"Right, since you're going to be my girlfriend."

You shot him a look, sighing as you turned the pages of your book. "What do you want this time?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to spend time with my favorite person." He smiled, opening his books too. "I'll study with you. I promise, I'll be quiet."

You didn't respond to that, just expecting him to keep his words. And when he did stay silent like he promised, you were already thanking god for having to hear your prayers.

As the hours went by, you slowly fell asleep, your head resting in your arms as your books laid discarded. Satoru looked at you, a small smile crept on his face as he gently stroked your hair.

He stood up, organizing your books in a pile, taking your pencil case as he shoved your pens in them and putting it inside your bag, he got the empty cup of coffee that he got for you and threw it in the trash can, and he did it all so as to not wake you. He waited for a few hours, tenderly watching you doze off, before he tapped your shoulders to wake you up so he could take you home.

October 18, 2023

Maybe Satoru felt guilty now.

He twists and turns in his bed, thinking of you and how you put up with him everyday. And everything you do, never escape in his eyes as he finds himself memorizing you.

You'd smile at him nicely, despite how your eyes show how annoyed you were.

Your feet would tap the floor when you get too nervous.

You don't even know but you unconsciously hold a piece of fabric in his shirt when it gets too crowded, hiding behind him when there's a lot of people.

He notices how your hands move gracefully as you trace your art project, eyes furrowed and focus on getting your work done.

Truthfully, he adores your smiles. The way your eyes would squint every time your lips stretch in delight. He held your hands once at his attempt of flirting, and it was so soft that he couldn't even get himself to let go. He loved playing with your soft, silky hair whenever you fell asleep in the library, staying by your side until you woke up. He also loved your silence, the comforting atmosphere that you give off seems to calm something in his heart. When he manages to get a proper conversation with you, he just wants to melt every time he hears your sooting voice.

And nervously, he thinks he's starting to like you.

October 23, 2023

Slowly, Satoru became a part of your day. Somehow, he managed to finally be friends with you, and still, you refused to call him Satoru, indicating that you still cannot allow yourself to be casual with him.

That's fine. He can settle for whatever you can give him. For now.

"Baby, there's a basketball game coming up this Friday..." Satoru trailed off. You were almost going to point out his endearment, but then again, it's Satoru, and you were slowly getting used to him.

"What?" You asked. "So?"

"I bought you tickets so you can watch. It's two tickets, so you can bring your friend."

He didn't even ask if you wanted to, but then again, for a hundredth time, it's Satoru. He wanted you to watch his game, nonetheless.

And you did. Your seat being close to their benches so he can see you easily.

October 27, 2023

"Seriously? I'm about to watch our school's basketball game, because Gojo Satoru invited you?" Utahime said annoyed as you both sat at your assigned seats.

"Well... yes..." You said shyly, looking around at the amount of people in the stadium. "You know, we've been hanging out a lot–"

"I told you, he's bad news." Utahime cut you off. "How am I supposed to get that in your head?"

"I know, I know... But he's actually been nice. Haven't you notice?"

Utahime thought for a moment. Of course, she noticed some changes. Gojo Satoru seemed to be spending his time with you lately. He didn't even care about his ex flings, or his admirers, he was solely focused on you. Usually, Gojo would take a girl wrapped around his fingers in a day, and then disposing them just as quick after he got what he wanted. He looks like he's not like that to you, Utahime thought. Though, she hated his guts, Utahime knew you were enjoying having him around.

She sighed, "Just... don't get hurt, okay?"

You chuckled at her. "Why would I?"

After the game ended, with your school cheering loudly at winning, Utahime said she had to go home quickly, so you were left alone.

You didn't know what to do, or where to go. Satoru was busy with his teammates, talking and congratulating each other. Satoru wanted to go to you quickly, but his fans surrounded him, stopping him from going your way as they celebrated their victory.

Satoru knew too well that you didn't like the crowd, so he was trying hard to escape from it.

Your eyes watched as his fans congratulated him, asking for pictures, and even giving him gifts. You sighed, texting him that you'll be going home since he wasn't about to finish anytime soon.

You understood that he was famous, and all that. He's Satoru Gojo, after all. And it's another part of him that you're still not used to.

A part of you was proud of him. And you couldn't possibly be selfish about him, especially if you only recently got to know him.

Satoru hurriedly ran away from the crowd, excusing himself politely as he saw you walking through the exit doors. He got his bag, and ran to catch up to you.

Thanks to his long legs, and his intense basketball training, he was able to catch up to you quickly. "Hey!" He called.

You turned as you heard his voice, seeing his disheveled hair and sweaty forehead as he ran to you. "Gojo, hey, I texted you and–"

"Hey..." He greeted, panting heavily.

You pursed your lips, getting a handkerchief from your pocket so you can wipe the sweat off his face. "Why did you leave them? Everyone was celebrating with you."

"You weren't there." He frowned. "What's the point of it..."

Satoru was tired after the game, but he was regaining his strength once he saw you.

"Nonsense." You chuckled, in which he frowned even more.

"I'll take you home." He said as he holds your hand to his, leading you to his car. "I invited you anyway, it's my responsibility to take care of you."

You nodded, getting in his car since you had been tired from all the crowd.

When he reached your home, he quickly got off so he could open the door for you.

Oh, the little things that he does.

You both stand outside of your house awkwardly, both trying to find the right words to say. You looked away, tapping your feet nervously as Satoru watches you.

"Congratulations... Satoru."

Satoru... Satoru... Satoru... His name never felt so good until you said it. It was like an achievement, a big prize that he won in his life. And his heart was almost about to explode when you finally called him by his name.

Satoru almost stuttered thanks to you. Slowly, he was approaching you until your back leaned in his car.

He closed his eyes, as his head fell on your shoulders. "Say that again... please?"

"Huh?" You were confused, your face blushing at the proximity. "Congratulations?"

"No... say my name... please, baby?"

His voice was so soft, desperately asking you to say the words he longed to hear from you. Satoru felt weak in his knees.

He looked up at you finally, his eyes searching your soul. Despite the darkness of the night, his eyes were glowing brighter than the moon.

"Satoru?"

"Fuck..."

Satoru Gojo knew he's in danger.

The moment he locked eyes with your eyes, looking at them until it darted on your lips. Before he knew it, he was leaning down for a kiss.

And fuck it, just how dangerous it was that you weren't even pulling away.

October 28, 2023

You were confused when you saw Satoru at your front door the next morning, his hands holding a bouquet of flowers. He looked absolutely handsome in his shirt, his sleeves tucked until his elbow.

You blush when you remember what happened last night. "Satoru, what are you doing here? It's a Saturday."

"I know," he said, handing you the bouquet of tulips. "I missed you."

"H-huh?"

"Will you allow me to take you out on a date?"

His heart was at bliss when you said yes to him. It was a simple coffee shop date, but you felt so happy as he made sure you were also comfortable and having fun. Having casual talks with you, but this time, there was a lying affection between you two.

And when he took you home, he slowly sealed your lips in a kiss. Exploring your mouth gently, smiling as he pulled away.

October 30, 2023

Satoru finally told Suguru he wants to stop whatever game they started with each other.

"Just about time you do."

Satoru swears he felt his ears heat up when Suguru said those words with a teasing grin. Shoko was laughing at his flushed state, clapping her hands in delight.

"Ah! I knew it!" She exclaimed. "Knew you were going to fall on your own trap. Well, that's actually good."

Satoru blushed even more. Finally, he can admit that he was starting to like you. Love you even.

In all honesty, he felt like he couldn't even live without you in his life. He felt like every moment with you was precious, and he was desperate to make you his, seriously this time.

All those times that he accompanied you to class, were influenced by his own choice. He could've just left you alone some days, but he didn't even know he was doing all those things unintentionally. Buying you snacks, and your coffee, he could've easily stopped that after every rejection, but he chose not to.

Gojo Satoru wanted to always be a part of your day. He was already a part of your present, and he wants to be there in your past, and still be in your future.

November 3, 2023

Satoru, as usual, was eating lunch with you in the cafeteria. Everyone in the school knew by now that he was not entertaining anyone anymore, just you. And he made it that obvious, looking at you so lovingly everyone who passed by would've looked at you in envy.

"Why aren't you with Shoko and Suguru?" You asked as you take a sip of your coffee. You looked over to the table where his friends sat, both busy at whatever conversation they had.

"They don't mind." Satoru replied, scooting closer in your seat. "You should get used to it by now."

"To what?"

"Sitting with you during lunch." He smiled when you looked away. "I like being with you."

Your mind wandered off somewhere when he said that. Does he like you or does he like the company that you give?

November 10, 2023

Satoru was frowning at you when he saw you sitting with another guy in the library. At your usual spot, in his seat, in front of you. He was annoyed that someone even had the guts to make a move to you.

Slowly, with heavy steps, he approached your table, sitting at the vacant chair next to you. His hands wrapped itself between your waist, as his jealousy pulled him to kiss your cheek in front of your innocent classmate.

"Baby..." He whispered closely in your ear. "I was looking for you."

He looked in front to shoot daggers at the guy you were with. The innocent stranger blushed as he looked away, "Uh... I guess I'll see you tomorrow. I'll message you if I need help."

The guy hurried on his feet, stumbling as he exited the library. Satoru's arms tighten on your waist and you looked at his angry face.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Who is he and why is he going to message you?" A frown was evident in his face, and he was getting a little too close. You had never seen him this intimidated.

"That's my partner for a group project, idiot." You muttered the last word. "You scared him off."

Satoru pulled you close, nuzzling his nose against your temple. "It's annoying..."

"What's annoying?"

Satoru cursed under his breath, "Come on, I'll take you out to dinner."

But while he was driving, it was painfully silent. You're not used to this kind of mood, he was always playful and teasing, but now, he was glaring ahead at the car in front of him, as if the car did something wrong.

His knuckles were white on the steering wheel, and for some reason, you find yourself putting your hands above his, running circles on his tensed ones.

His hold loosened up a bit, and he sighed heavily.

"Tell me, what's wrong, Satoru."

Satoru pulled over to the side, facing you with a nervous face. "I'm sorry..."

"For what?"

"I was... jealous." He answered truthfully. He frowned, not liking the feeling twisting in his stomach. "I've never felt this before, baby. I want to keep you to myself, to always have you by my side and not anyone else, and it's so selfish that I hate myself for it. You're driving me crazy, and fuck it, I love you. I love you for making me like this. You don't understand... I'm head over heels–"

You interrupted him with a kiss. Satoru didn't even realize that he was already confessing, not until he felt your mouth against his.

It felt like there were fireworks exploding in your surroundings. Feels like he was finally breathing for the first time ever. Like the summer melting his winter.

"I love you too, Satoru."

He felt like dying right then and there, cupping your cheeks in a hungry kiss. Pulling you to his lap as you both make out in his car.

"Can I be your boyfriend?"

How can he be so cute, muttering those words weakly underneath you?

His question was not even a 'will you be my girlfriend' but a 'can i be your boyfriend?'

It was so cute. He was asking you your permission, he was asking to be yours.

He was... surrendering his heart to you.

And who were you to deny him?

November 20, 2023

You found out Gojo Satoru is a clingy man. It was obvious, the first time that he never left you alone, but this time, it only got worse, in a good way though.

He holds your hand when you're together, not even caring when girls would look at the two of you jealously. He doesn't care if a teacher sees him snuggling his face against your neck, he just wants to be that close to you. He will ask for a cuddle every time you two spend your time in your house. He would dart his tongue out teasingly at Shoko and Suguru when all of you sat at the same table, and he was hugging your waist and leaning his head on your shoulder. And when you two are in a private space, especially his car, he'd pull you in his lap for a long make out session.

You weren't even complaining, since you loved him just as much.

"Utahime!" You smiled when you saw your best friend in the cafeteria. "Haven't seen you in a while."

Utahime gave out a tired sigh. "I know, the professor is always giving out so many tasks, I might pass out anytime soon." She chuckled. "How are you? You and Gojo? He's like a lovesick puppy always sticking by your tail."

You chuckled. "That's so exaggerated, Utahime... But I'm really really happy."

Utahime was glad to hear her only best friend was this happy. She was thanking god that Gojo finally decided to be serious over a girl for once, and if he ever just breaks your heart, she'd be so sure to be the first to kick his ass.

December 4, 2023

"You're still with her?" Gojo's ex flings, Jia, asked him during his basketball training. Jia was the cheerleader girl that you saw him with in the parking lot, the fling that Satoru had for a month, longer than usual. He already rejected her, but she's still desperately trying to get with him.

"Of course, I am." He muttered, annoyingly. He snatched the towel that she was holding, her attempt to help him wipe his sweat. "Jia, I already told you–"

"Isn't she just a bet?"

Satoru froze, as if a bucket of ice was dropped all over his body. Her voice rang in his head, and he blinked furiously a few times.

"She's not–"

"But I heard you and Geto." Jia smirked, knowing she was just pushing the right buttons. "Come on, you were at the cafeteria, were you not expecting someone to hear you? I was pitying her when I saw the poor girl slowly starting to–"

"Whatever you heard, Jia, is none of your business." Satoru said in a cold-hearted tone. "I love her. Get that in that little brain of yours." He scoffed, walking away.

Jia was furious, her eyes turning black in anger. Oh, she wanted to hurt you. She was the last fling of Satoru, and just because of you, he was acting like this. She didn't like the fact that you easily stole him from her.

December 13, 2023

The fall. The breaking point.

Suguru was having a party in his house, a public year-end party with a few of his college friends and blockmates, everyone was invited to have fun. Satoru took you with him, making sure to just stay by your side so you won't get lost at the sea of people.

"How are you two holding up?" Suguru approached you two, handing a cup to Satoru. "You two having fun?"

You nodded your head quietly. "Yeah... there's a lot of people. Are they all from our university?"

"Some are outsiders," Suguru chuckled. "Satoru, we're about to play by the pool. We'll wait for you there."

Satoru nodded, pulling you by the waist as Suguru left. "You okay, baby? Do you want to go home?"

You shake your head, "No, no, it's fine. We can stay a bit more."

"Mhmm, just tell me if you get tired, okay?"

You two walked together to the backyard, where the swimming pool was at. It was a bit crowded, but definitely fewer than inside Suguru's house. Shoko was there, a few of Suguru's friends, and Satoru's basketball teammates. They were all passing out their drinks, mixing whatever liquor was there.

Everyone said hi to Satoru, even to you. You watched silently as a few of his friends talked to him.

"Satoru, I'll go to Shoko first." You whispered above the noise. He turned his head at you, stopping his conversation with his friends.

"What? I'll go with you then–"

"No, it's fine, Shoko's just there." You said, pointing at Shoko who was lighting a cigarette right next to Suguru. "Don't worry, I'll be fine."

Satoru nodded reluctantly as he let you approach Shoko and Suguru, turning back to his friends, glancing at you once in a while.

But when he wasn't looking, Jia just had the perfect timing to enter the scene, stopping you midway.

"Oh, it's Satoru's little toy." Jia slurred her words. You looked at her confused as she looked at you judging. "He's still not breaking up with you? He wants to hurt you that bad, huh?" She chuckled.

You were trying to assess her words. You recognized her as the cheerleader Satoru was with last time, and her aura and words were making you nervous. What was she trying to say? What did she mean by that?

Satoru saw you, and his breath hitch when he saw who you are with. He looked over at Shoko and Suguru, who both stood up to approach you, but Jia was already taking advantage of you being alone.

"Poor girl," she frowned teasingly. "I'm pretty sure Satoru didn't want to go too far with the bet."

"Bet?" Your voice came out hoarse. You looked over at Jia's shoulder, where Shoko and Suguru stood frozen in their spot, their eyes widened in horror, and it gave you just enough explanation about what's happening.

"Oh, they were just betting about how Satoru can make you fall in love 'til December." She laughed wickedly. "I'm sorry, honey, you had to find out this way, but really, I was feeling sorry that I have to tell you–"

Her words were cut short when you felt a hand on your wrist. And you turned to see Satoru, his eyes red and shaking, "Baby..."

"Satoru? Was that true?" You looked into his eyes, hopeful. Your eyes welled up in tears, and his silence just made it worse. His hold on you was trembling, and he couldn't even say the right words out of his mouth.

You looked at Suguru and Shoko, your eyes pleading. "Shoko? Suguru?"

Another silence. It's like something was pulling the strings of your heart, threatening to cut your lifeline. And it hurt so much when they couldn't even say something.

You heaved a gasp, trying to stop a sob to escape your lips. But you failed miserably as Satoru tried to pull you in his embrace. "Let me explain–"

You pushed him away furiously, eyes angrily glaring at him. "Explain? Explain what?! That what she said was true?!"

Satoru's hands balled in a fist, and he felt his eyes burning as you pushed him away from his touch. His heart aches when you look at him full of hatred, and hurt. He felt his world slowly crumbling apart when you ran away in a hurry.

You quickly called Utahime, asking her to pick you up as soon as possible. While Satoru stood there helpless, his feet glued to the ground. He looked at Suguru, his eyes searching for help.

All of you were equally shocked, and nervous.

"Fucking go after her, Satoru!" Shoko shouted as she pulled Jia's hair. "Fucking bitch!"

The latter cried, but Satoru couldn't care less as Suguru pushed him to move. As fast as he could, he ran outside the door of Suguru's house, walking past every dancing body, he didn't even care if he crashed into someone, he just wanted to get to you.

And when he found you walking by the sidewalk, his heart started crying at your panicked state. He approached you, holding your wrist to stop you from walking any further.

"Satoru!"

"Let's talk, please–"

"Let go of me!"

"Let's talk, baby. Let's talk this out." He pleaded desperately, hands grasping your shoulders to stop you from moving.

Your body trembled against him, hands covering your face as you tried to stop your tears from falling continuously. "I hate you."

"I know you do–"

"Fucking jerk."

"I know, I know–"

"Don't touch me!" You burst, pushing him away harshly. His heart crashed into pieces, his breath coming out shallow and slow. Just like you, he was crying just as bad. "I knew! I knew from the very start you were up to no good! Utahime warned me, my friends warned me! But fuck you! I thought you actually cared! I thought you loved–"

"I love you, baby..." He said, weakly.

"You lying skim! I thought you changed!"

"Please, baby, let's talk about this when we're not angry? Please?" He tried to reach out for you, but his heart felt like it was losing its strength when you back away.

"I don't want to see you–"

"N-no, you don't mean that..." His voice came out as a whisper, a desperate plea for you to listen to him. "I'll take you home, we'll talk, okay? I'll explain and–"

"There's no use, Gojo."

Cruel. How cruel of you to say his last name so coldly. It was a sign that Satoru refused to look at. A sign that you were tired, that you want to let this go already.

His beautiful blue eyes seemed to lose its life, the same way that he was losing you. One moment, you were there by his side, and now... you looked at him as if you wanted to get him out of your life.

And it hurt so bad. It hurt so bad when he tried to touch you, but you still furiously backed away.

"I love you." His voice cracked, looking at you weakly. His hands shake by his side, fighting the urge to reach out for you.

You breathed heavily, shaking your head at him as you said nothing back. You clenched your teeth, not wanting to let him hear your sobs. You're starting to pity yourself, of how stupid you had become. You should've listened to Utahime the first time.

December 14, 2023

Satoru had never felt this lifeless before. Even Shoko and Suguru couldn't help him as he refused to talk to any of them.

His eyes were searching for you everywhere in the cafeteria, but to his dismay, you never showed up the whole day, not even in your classes. He wanted to ask Utahime when he saw her walking down the hallways, but the girl only glared at him as she walked passed. And Gojo was just as helpless as ever.

He messaged and called you a few times, but you didn't answer. He wanted to go to your house, but he can't even find the courage to do it.

December 15, 2023

Satoru finally saw you after a day of absence. You looked tired, and he was mentally cursing at himself for making you like this. He was starting to hate himself, and he's not going to forgive himself anytime soon.

Satoru tried to approach you, but you didn't even dare look him in the eye. He bit his lower lip, trying his hardest to stabilize his breathing. Just like he usually does, he walks you to class, only a few steps behind this time.

Fine, he'll settle for this. He'll give you the space you needed first before anything else.

At the cafeteria, he didn't see you once again. That worried him as he left Shoko and Suguru to look for you. The first place he thought of was the library, and he was glad to see you there.

You glanced up from your book, feeling someone staring at you. And you were right as your eyes met with Satoru, and your heart ached as your brows furrowed at him.

You looked away, trying not to be affected.

All throughout the day, Satoru thought of you and your last interaction. Every time the memory flashed in his mind, he wanted to punch himself. Hurt himself twice as much.

He fucked up so bad, and he wanted to make it up to you.

So he finally had the courage to wait outside your classroom's door after his class, waiting for the professor to dismiss everyone. He didn't waste anymore time as he got by your side quickly when you walked out the door.

Your name rolled out his tongue slowly, and you stopped dead on your track.

"I'll t-take you home..." He stuttered, his eyes searching yours for any emotion. But your eyes were dead, not even a single anger, or love for him in there.

"I'm fine, Gojo. You can go away–"

"I'm not going away."

You turned to him furiously. It was like you two are back to square one, to the first time you two met, and no one should ever forget that Gojo Satoru was persistent. But this time, two hearts were breaking and in a need to mend.

"P-please, let's talk–"

You didn't respond as you walked away fast, but damn his legs for always being able to keep up with you. Despite how Satoru took the hint that you don't want to talk to him, he still didn't care. It didn't matter to Satoru if he couldn't take you home with his car, he'll walk with you instead, like how he used to.

He'll be quiet. He just wants to be with you.

December 16, 2023

You hated Saturday classes. And you hate it even more that Satoru Gojo was tailing you behind. Trying his best to get you to talk to him.

"Baby–"

"Don't call me that."

He coughed awkwardly, blinking his tears away. "You didn't eat lunch today again, let me take you–"

"Cut the crap, Gojo."

He gulped when you looked at him, with hatred in your eyes.

Maybe, just maybe he can settle for this. Look at him. Just look at him. At least look at him, even if you don't want to love him anymore. It's fine. He understands. Just look at him.

"Stop with the act already. I'm so tired of it. I'm so tired of you."

"I'm sorry..." He muttered against his breath. "But I can't. Not until you listen to me." Not until you take him back.

"There's nothing for you to explain anymore, Gojo. I've had enough, and I get it. I understand as bright as day that it was just a game–"

"It's fucking not." He gritted his teeth. As much as he didn't want to be harsh, he was so desperate in wanting you to lend your ears to him. "It wasn't a game for me. And I did love you. I fucking love you still. Yes, it was a bet at first, but I told Suguru that I wanted to stop. He knows just how much I love you. Shoko knows. Fucking everyone knows at this point. Why can't you just listen to me?"

He catches his breath as he finishes voicing out his words. But no, you were a little hard in the head. You wouldn't believe him that fast. You didn't want to hurt your heart again.

"I don't love you."

You didn't know what gave you the urge to say that. It wasn't really true, but the wrong words seem to be the only right words to cut it out.

If Satoru's heart is already breaking, he was sure it is now turning into ashes. You're a liar, he tried to convince himself. You love him, and he's not about to give up just yet.

December 18, 2023

You can hurt Satoru how much you want, but that will never stop him from loving and chasing after you.

Another frustrated sigh came out from you when he left a cookie on your table to your first class, with a note saying, 'I love you. Don't forget to eat.' with his name underneath and a heart. You didn't even know how he managed to put these on your table so early in the morning, and your heart just wants to surrender.

But no, you're not.

So, even if it comes out too heartless, you offered the cookie to the person next to you as you crumpled the note, throwing it away inside your bag so no one would see it.

During lunch, Satoru saw you at your usual table, and tried to sit with you. But you got up in a hurry, pulling Utahime who just got back from the bathroom with you.

Being angry at him is one thing, but avoiding him? No, he can't take that. He'd rather have you stay mad at him, scream and hurt him verbally, even slap him if you want, but giving him the cold shoulder was you telling him that he doesn't exist in your world anymore. Satoru's heart is barely living at this point.

Satoru cursed to himself, standing up and going back to Shoko and Suguru who looked at him with a sad smile.

"Give it time, Satoru."

But time doesn't seem to be on his side.

And fate doesn't get along with you on your most desperate days as you watched the rain poured down once again. It was like deja vu. Standing outside the building, waiting for the rain to stop so you can go home.

But the rain was falling a little too harsh, and you know it's not about to stop anytime soon. It was like the rain also had a turmoil within itself, crying heavily just the same way your heart did.

You hate yourself for always forgetting an umbrella as you take a step, lifting your bag to your head, as you let the rain soak your clothes. It's the last day of school today anyway, you're finally taking your Christmas vacation tomorrow, and it wouldn't hurt to get sick for a few days.

Unbeknownst to you, Satoru comes to the rescue at the right time.

He held an umbrella as he ran after you, being careful as he strides so he won't trip on his feet.

He called your name, stopping shortly when he finally got you under the umbrella and pulling you close by the waist.

"I'll take you home." He shouted above the rain.

Your body trembled in the cold, and Satoru was embracing you like he used to. He didn't even mind if you got his clothes wet. But you still have the guts to push him away. "No! I can go home by myself!"

"Stop being stubborn!" Despite holding you with one hand, his other hand holding the umbrella, he still managed to keep you on your feet, his hand squeezing your waist tightly.

"Gojo–"

"Stop it!"

"Let go of me!"

"You're going to get sick!"

"I don't fucking care!"

"No, I'll take you home–"

"Gojo Satoru!"

Satoru gave up as you writhed from his embrace. He dropped his umbrella, using both his hands to grab your waist, and kissing you in the rain.

His tongue was invading, seeking every corner of your mouth desperately. Fuck, he missed this. He missed you so much. And he didn't even care if the rain was slowly ruining his hair and clothes, as long as he had you right here in his arms.

It was a dangerous dance underneath the cold waters beneath the rain. Two lovers, hopelessly trying to heal their broken hearts. Their lips tangled together like it was their last chance to be like this again.

"Satoru..."

"I'll take you home..."

How did you let yourself become weak for him?

You handed him a towel as both of you entered your home. Despite how upset you are with him, you couldn't possibly just leave him wet by the rain and catch a cold. You were just being nice, you said to yourself. It's not because of your affection towards him, you're just being a helpful woman who still has a heart so you invited him into your house. Thats it, that's all there is, perhaps.

Before you can leave him, Satoru holds your hand, electrifying the two of you to stop you from your tracks. You tried to look at him in the eye, but it was impossible. Satoru doesn't even try to hide how much he's hurting in front of you, and that just doubles the pain that you're feeling right now.

"Let's talk..." He said weakly. "Please? I'm not leaving if we don't talk."

"Satoru, please, just let it go..."

"No," he shakes his head stubbornly. "You mean so much to me."

Your breath hitched as he pulled you close, cupping your cheeks with both hands as he leaned his forehead against yours.

"It's true, we did make a bet..." He closed his eyes, the words falling in his mouth felt like daggers shot straight to his heart. "And I hate myself for it. For being a prideful jerk who wanted to prove he can have whoever he wants, and hurting you in the process..."

Satoru breathed heavily, his hands rubbing circles on your cheek. "Before I knew it, I was down badly on my knees. I wanted you. I love you. I wanted to spend each and every waking moment with you. And I told Suguru, and Shoko, that I wanted to stop whatever game we agreed upon, so I can start loving you truthfully..."

"Satoru..."

"And I felt so alive, baby. When you told me you love me too, when you let me be your boyfriend, when you finally accepted my love for you. Fuck, I can die a happy man. I just... love you. I love being loved by you. I love it when you let me love you. I love it when you do nothing and it just drives me wild. I love it every time I see your eyes looking at me. I love hearing your voice, seeing you smile, and love it even more when you let me hold your hand! I love every single piece of your soul, and I want you. I want to always be with you. My heart aches for you, baby... please..."

He was crying. Oh, god, he was crying as he confessed everything to you. And you swear your heart wants to come out from your chest.

Your heart was swelling, he was mending your bruises, healing your scars in every word he uttered. Your tears were falling nonstop, and your hands quiver to place it above his.

"Satoru..." You sobbed, looking at his helpless blue eyes who'd been crying buckets as well. "I hate the fact that I love you so much."

Satoru heaved a gasp as he pulled you to his embrace, sealing you in a wet kiss. Somehow, it didn't even feel cold anymore now that you have your arms around him again.

His face settled on your neck, and he was catching his breath. He ran his hands in your hair, holding you tight as if he was afraid to let you go.

"Don't leave me again..."

"I won't. I promise." You let out a low chuckle. This time, you cupped his cheek so he could look at you. "I love you so much, Satoru. I'm so sorry for hurting you."

"I deserved it." He smiled. Finally, he was smiling at you. "And I love you more."

Satoru made sure he's not letting you escape this time. Everyday, he's going to make it up to you. He's going to tell you how much he loves you, and he's going to make sure you'll never even forget it until you fall asleep. He's going to love you like it's breathing, and he promised to himself he's going to love you until the next lifetime.

***

i know i said I'll do the part 2 of my Suguru fic, but im so sorry this was in my head for ages 😭 i promised ill start part 2 in a while... anyways, thanks for reading! its not proofread so im sorry for any typographical errors and spelling ^^

[scandeniall]

Let’s Make a Song

Pairing: rnbsinger!atsumu x rnbsinger!reader

Summary/warnings: ur long term on again off again bf Atsumu wants to do your first song together. Thing is you’re currently off/honestly just cursing. 1 tiny implied nsfw sentence. Literally 1

the 2nd piece in rnb!haikyuu bc why tf not. Other

a/n: The song that’s written is change by Arin Ray & Kehlani (that’s also the cover art mentioned later)

Wc: 2.8K

When your manager relayed the invitation to collaborate with Atsumu you were rather surprised. He didn’t do many new collaborations, reserving those for people he’d worked with in the past. Then there was the fact that he hadn’t asked you personally. The two of you were more than acquainted and he definitely had your phone number. But then again it’d been months since you’d last had any contact.

The two of you had been on and off again for the larger part of your careers, meeting in high school and building a friendship for years. A year after graduation you’d decided to make the switch from friendship to relationship. And it worked. The two of you both wanted to pursue music and understood one another. You were one another’s number one fan, muse, and confidant as you grew in popularity.

He’d gotten signed before you but neither of you thought it would change things. Then he started being around less and less getting busy recording his first studio album while you continued to work independently. He’d still come back to you at the end of the night. However that was short lived thus bringing about the first of many splits over the years. It was mutual—things were too busy to give the love someone deserved.

During that first split you’d ended up getting signed yourself. In only a few months you were immediately thrusted into the same professional world as Atsumu and that brought the two of you back together. He’d seen the announcement post on social media and paraded over to yours that night rambling about the betrayal of you not telling him you were in talks with a label. He’d bought over dinner and the two of you got back to talking consistently and rekindled in mere weeks.

That had been at 19. Now at 23 the two of you were still a roller coaster. You’d broken up for a number of reasons over the years. Busy schedules, his ego, your attitude, internet rumors mixed with poor communication, poor timing, you name it. Yet the two of you always found your way back like magnets.

You weren’t quite sure what you expected when you agreed to doing a song with Atsumu, who you were currently off with. In all your years, the two of you had never done a song together. Sure you’d fucked around with writing a few times but neither of you ever used any of those songs. You two had different styles, him focusing more on heavy bass, and reminiscent on the SoundCloud style. Meanwhile you were more soulful and melodic.

You hadn’t even so much as texted atsumu in like three months So of course it was a surprise when you made your way to his for a writing session to see the lyrics he’d already come up with. Lyrics that just by the way he read them to you, were clearly about you.

you’ve got me all in my feelings And I know you get tired of running You stole my heart and I mean it When we break up, can’t wait to make up

“That’s all I got so far,” he sighed leaning back on the couch next to you. “What do ya think”

“It’s different from your usual shit. It’s softer.” You ignore the scoff he sends you and sit back on the couch before he starts complaining. “But I like it. What was the inspiration.” You’re not even sure why you asked. Maybe it was the desire to have confirmation that you really have been the one all these years. There was still a chance it could’ve been someone else

“And you say yer the smart one between us,” is all he says before grabbing his laptop off the coffee table. “I got this beat too. Suna sent it over this morning and I think I wanna use it.” You choose to ignore his confirmation as you begin to get comfortable against the couch. He plays the instrumental and it only further surprises you from just how different it was from his usual. It was undoubtedly more your style and you're almost offended that your friend hadn’t sent you the beat instead. “Ya like it?”

“Could you play it back.” You begin to hum along a few nonsensical words to yourself and you’re aware of Atsumu’s eyes on you. He watches as you hit the voice record on your phone, already aware that you do that in case you say something that you like. You try to think back to what he started with and He moves his notebook closer to you so you can get a better view of the words messily scribbled.

You can’t keep coming and going In and out of my life please make up your fucking mind I give you time and you kill it

Immediately after that he pauses much to your annoyance and ignores your complaint. “I like that.”

“Yeah?”

“Sounds like yer replying back. Like a conversation,” he nods. “Is that really how ya feel about me?” You don’t miss the way he tries to subtly put his arm around the back of the couch and subsequently you. And your laugh.

“God you’re annoying Atsumu.” You end up caving, moving the laptop back to the table in front of you and moving under his waiting arm. You can’t even deny the way you like it either, comforted by the way his hand rubs up and down your arm. “Is that how you feel about us,” you challenge referring to the lyrics he’d come up with

“Course. I look forward to making up ya know.” He chuckles and the look of faux disgust you send him before continuing. “But I mean it. Ya got my heart and have for years.” The words are paired with a kiss to your temple.

You two sit in silence for a few moments before you break it with a sigh. “I’m tired of this shit Tsumu. It’s been years of us and this and the older I get, the more draining it is. I wonder all the time if I should stay or just leave for good.” It’s the first time you’ve ever admitted it to anyone other than yourself, and it’s to the person that has the power to break your heart at any given moment. The only small comfort is that you know it’s mutual and that you hold his as well.

“If you’re tired then write it out (Y/N). It’s part of the reason I asked ya to do a song.” He nudges you to sit up and catches your eye. “I think about ya way too fucking much and I’ve thought about if shit between us was worth it too.” He looks like he’s in through for a moment before quickly grabbing his notebook scribbling for a minute before showing you.

thinking of you is all I do honestly I might go insane cause when we break up can’t wait to make up Some things will never change

He’s playing the instrumental before you can say anything waiting until a certain part and signaling for you to just wait. Then his voice softly fills your ears as he goes into the words and points at you to follow up with what you’d sung before. As you near the end you gesture for him not to stop it yet

It’s very personal to me That you give it everything Should I stay? Should I go? Should I leave? I don't know.

After that your mind blanks and you reach over to pause the track. It felt good. Really good. “I think I have my verse,” you exclaim. “And what if we repeat your part. Maybe starting from thinking of you” you half mumble the words already writing away at your own notebook. You don’t even notice the look Atsumus giving you until you look back up minutes later after humming along and trying to string the words together. “What”

“It’s nothin. Just love watching ya write that’s all.” You end up shooting him a soft smile before focusing back on the words in front of you. “Actually, this beat is more you than me so did ya wanna do the bridge”

That causes you to look up in confusion. “Are you sure? It’s your song. It’d be weird for me to have a bigger part?” Atsumu is brushing off the question of you asking him to be serious. You didn’t want to step on any toes or offend anyone.

“If it’s that big a deal to ya we can go back n forth or somthin’.” His eyes question yours for a moment before smiling in victory at your agreeing. “Besides, Suna was gonna send it to ya anyways. Paid him to let me have it instead. Didn’t take much just-Ow!” HES quickly cut off by your fist coming into contact with his shoulder. “Why’d ya-“

“You’re an ass, did you know that,” you roll your eyes in response. No wonder the beat was so different from his usual. Because the track wasn’t meant for him. You’d have to bitch at Suna later for giving the track to Atsumu of all people. And for who knows what kind of lowball offer it was. “Wanna tell me why you did that. Or I can leave. Your choice” you’re closing your notebook at this point shifting away from him a bit.

“I missed ya.” It’s the only thing he says before your scoffing and getting off the couch and starting to gather your things.  “I’m serious (Y/N).” The feeling of his hand grabbing at yours causes you to stop. “I kept thinking about us and couldn’t Bring myself to text. I got Suna to give me the track cause I wanted to see ya and talk.”

“Why couldn’t you just text?”

“I can say it better in a song. And I know you can too. Now c’mon don’t go alright?” You allow him to tug you back down onto the couch with a sigh. He wasn’t necessarily wrong. You’d wanted to settle things between you both once and for all for a while now. He just provided the opportunity. You both needed to know if you were just wasting time.

“Listen. If ya wanna talk about it outside of the song let’s go for a drive then.”

“First you steal my beat to get me to come over, now you wanna trap me in a car with you?” Atsumu only looks at you unbothered before you sigh. “Let’s go before I change my mind.”

“If it’s that bad, you know how to tuck and roll. I might slow down enough.” —-

“Atsumu what are we doing,”

He doesn’t even spare you a glance before responding. “Driving.” When you don’t reply he lets out a sigh before giving a real answer. “Do you still love me?”

“Yes,” it’s like you answer before your brain even ponders the question. “Do you still love me?”

“Wouldn’t be here right now if I didn’t.” His words are just as confident. He shoots you a quick glance before continuing. “I wanna get back together. For good this time. Heard about yer date with that Semi guy.”

Your breath hitches for a moment. While you’re not surprised that he knew about the date last month, you didn’t think he’d mention it. You’d woken up the morning after notifications crazy. Pictures of the two of you filled them and many of the tweets had actually tagged Atsumu as well.

“We weren’t together so ya don’t have to go explaining anything,” he stops you from your attempt at an apology. “Of course i'm not sure what ya saw in that guy. But it made me realize that yer the one I want. Always been the one.” He shrugs before the hand closest to you comes to rest on your thigh. “And I’ve always been the one for you too right?”

“Are you serious about wanting to make us work this time?” His hand leaves your leg for the wheel again and you watch in confusion as he makes a few sudden turns. He mutters something about giving him a few minutes before pulling into a random parking lot. He shuts the car off before unbuckling so he can turn his entire body to face you. “What are you doing Atsumu?”

“Move in with me.” You’re looking at him like he’s grown another head before he continues. “My lease with Samu is almost up and he’s been wanting to move closer to his shop and I wanna be closer to a studio. I’m serious about us and I just think-“

“Would you actually help with boxes or just sit on your ass and watch?”

The questions cause him to frown a bit in thought and you can’t help but laugh as he actually interprets the words and what they really mean. You could tell the exact moment he gets it and a lazy smirk settles on his face instead. “No promises babe. I kinda like watching ya walk away.”

The way his face eased closer to yours had you following his lead until your lips met. You can feel yourself smiling as one of his hands comes to cup your jaw. The kiss is sweet, lips moving slowly against yours in a reunion of sorts. “Stay over tonight we can work on the song again tomorrow.” He pulls away just enough to insist, resting his forehead against yours.

“Already told Samu so he’s bringing enough dinner home. And I got a new toothbrush in the bathroom.”You lean to peck his lips before sitting back in the seat. “You knew this would happen didn’t you.” Despite the accusation you find yourself agreeing with no hesitation.

“I hoped. It’s a difference babe. If not, more food for me” his hand quickly grabs yours to place a kiss on your own before settling back on the wheel. “Let’s get back I’m starvin”

—— “Are yer eyes closed? Are you sure? Don’t peek-“

“Hurry up Atsumu,” you groan as you allow him to lead you to god knows where. The song you’d guys finished a few weeks ago was set to release in a few hours and Atsumu refused to let you see the song cover. It was a surprise, or so he told you every time you tried to ask. Even in his new song tease on twitter he just posted blank images. New song with a surprise guest coming soon ;)

He’d had you meet him at his label and jumped on you the second you stepped into the building blindfold in hand and stupid grin on his face. “Don’t act like this is a new thing for ya,” he’d whisper in your ear as he tied the blindfold and laughed when you attempted to hit at him and miss.

“Stop complaining before I make you wait until the songs officially out. We’re almost there” you feel his hand leave yours before it’s placed on your back. You can hear a door open before he instructs you in. “Small step up.” With your restricted sight your hearing has seemed to increase tenfold. You can hear the sound of blinds opening and him moving around. “One second babe.”

After a few more moments and complaints for him to hurry up a pair of arms wrap around your waist. Leaning into the warmth you feel his lips kiss up your neck before stopping. “You can look now.”

It takes a moment for your eyes to spot it. First your eyes dart around the room to see nothing out of the ordinary save for a table with a champagne bottle. Then one of his arms points toward the window and you freeze in shock. “Atsumu is this?” You turn to look at him expectedly as he nods and pushes you near it. From the window of the building you see the cover art plastered on a billboard.

“Where did you find that?”

Atsumu’s voice grows closer as he stops next to you. “Our mom came down a while ago. Had some shit to deliver and brought some scrapbooks. It was in there.” You nod in understanding before he continues. “Ya like it?”

The picture was one from years ago. He’d just gotten signed and that weekend you and a few friends went on a road trip to celebrate. That particular picture had been taken on a Polaroid as you two were outside supposedly star gazing. On the mountain of blankets it was clear that his attention was more on you than the sky. It was one of your favorite pictures for a while then eventually you had broken up (for the first time) and it was long forgotten.

“Love it. Brings back memories you know?” You don’t even notice he’d gone to pour you a glass before he's dangling off in front of your face.

“Here’s to our first song together babe”

bonus things

yall actually filmed a music vid (this isnt included bc i am only now finding out theres a mv despite having this song in my music for a year)

he tweets the song link with “decided to stay”

atsumu ends up buying suna a ps5 game he wanted as a thank you (not w/o complaining though)

ppl on the internet arent even surprised that yall are back together (theyre tired too tf)

atsumu ends up putting that polaroid in his clear phone case <3

this is yall 6th time getting back together (yall keep trying HUH lmfao. but yall never actually ended on bad terms and always stayed friend)

you end tweeting a joke “ok last time yall i promise LMFAO”

[a19yearoldtryinherbest]

Falling Again. [Bill Hader]

Masterlist

Prompt: Bill and his former girlfriend work together on Barry and some old feeling might be back

Pairing: Bill Hader x Female Character [without name]

Warning: Nothing. Fluff and pining.

Word count: 1802

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It had been great, writing for Barry, having a nice work environment, a great team to work with, and being part of an amazing series at an amazing network. What wasn't great was that she was working for her ex. It had been years and it wasn't like Bill acted weird because of it, matter of fact, he was as charming, nice and funny as usual, it was just because of that that she started to have feelings for him, again. Something that she deemed terrible the minute she noticed it.

She was having a late writing session with just Bill, since everyone had already left, and he said something funny that made her laugh, and right after she stopped laughing she looked at him and realized that old feeling was back, the warmth and the comfort he once gave her were there again, she was falling for him  — Oh. — she said without meaning to and Bill looked at her a little worried.

— “Oh” what? — he asked, looking at the panicking look on her face.

— I forgot, — she said, panicking even more, spitting out the first that came to mind — I have a- a date.

— Oh. — Bill's face and tone dropped a little. She noted it but tried to make nothing of it, sure her logic was out the window the second her feelings came back.

— Sorry, I have to go. — she said, rushing to pick every item that was hers even if she didn't really had a place to rush to.

— No, yeah, it's alright. See you Monday?

— Yeah, sure. I'll have the scene revised by then. — she assured, everything packed on her folder that was under her arm, she struggled to know what to do and fell into default, mumbling — Bye, Bill. — as she left.

The next week she tried to avoid him -besides letting him know her fake date had gone terribly, just in case- and hoped the feelings would go but it turned out to be almost impossible, after all he was her boss, she could only avoid him for so long. And now that she knew her feelings were back she noted her heated up cheeks every time he would smile at her, she would feel her knees tremble to his laughter, she would remember the feelings of him lips on hers whenever she would look at them. And then he asked her to help write a scene he had thought of but seemed to be stuck on.

He explained the idea he had, about Gene having Barry and Sally do the Meinser technique of going back and forth with the same line, he said he wanted for it to be awkward and almost painful to watch — So I was thinking to have them say “I'm sorry” over and over and he tries to, like- he's actually saying it to her, but... It just seems like is missing something. — she nodded, still reading the annotations around the modified, preliminary script. Bill watched her, deep in thought as she bit her lip.

The memory slip into his mind of one summer night when he was a PA on some movie and they were working on a stupid script, she had said about a High Noon type of situation, but instead of something serious is like some pizza someone ordered without asking anyone and they would have discussions over what they should've gotten instead or if the pizza would arrive late and end up being free. It was kind of dumb but she was sure it would be funny if they shot it like a western and it was treated like life or death. And she was biting her lip that night, too, as she was thinking of some dialogue for the part where the guy's trying to get the friends to put money for the pizza, and he remembered she was laughing as he played the characters and said funny things that she tried to write down while she laughed with him. He also remembered the way she would look at him after laughing so much, her hand in her stomach, adoration in her eyes and a big smile on her face as she said “I love you” and he said it back to her.

He looked at her, the memory and the present mixing a little. It wasn't the first time this happened, he had caught himself remembering things from their time together more than once, and it felt like not much had changed, because they hadn't; he would still made her laugh, she would still look at him the same.

She looked up from the script for a second to say — What if they say “I love you”?

He looked at her with amazement — Oh! That's so much better! — it clicked perfectly. He smiled at her and she smiled back, giving him the script so he could look it over. He nodded, sure it would work so much better like that — Would you read it through with me?

She doubt it for a second, unsure on what to say — Y-yeah, sure. — she said, thinking “How bad can it be?” they straightened themselves up and looked at each other while still sitting down in their chairs. She felt some heat in her body that tried to shake away, fearful he might see she was nervous.

He shook his head and shoulders a little and then looked at her — Ready? — she nodded — Ok. — he waited a second and then spoke — I love you. — she was wrong, it was bad, it was very bad. It stung, it burned and it hurt, really hurt. It was like dreaming of the thing you want but knowing it's just a dream.

“It's pretend” she reminded herself before saying the line like they had agreed on, with despise, like if she was mocking him, spitting in his face with his own words — I love you? — she looked at him, getting ready for him to say it again, for the three little words to be teasing her, hurting her, mocking her so effortlessly.

— I love you. — he said, he sounded so sincere, so sure, so regretful, so convincing. She couldn't think, her glazed eyes looked at his eyes, trying to see, to know if he meant it, if he was trying to get it off his chest in a weird way, if he was trying to let her know, if she had any chance with him. But she didn't see it.

— Sorry. — she shook her head and looked for some real thing she should say, something that wasn't a lie, something about the scene, maybe — I just- I think Gene should say something, y'know? Like, Barry takes some time to get the technique but Cousineau wouldn't just let him figure it out here, he would guide him, right?

Bill thought of it for a second and nodded — Yeah, you're right. He would explain he should react to her tone and not the words.

— Yes, he'd say something like "she's saying it like she's spitting you, and you have to hear it and incorporate it" and it would be just painful to watch them say that over and over while they're having this sort of subliminal conversation with their reactions and responses.

He smiled sweetly and melted her heart a little — That's pretty great, Jess.

She smiled — Thanks, Bill. — for a moment they both just stared lovingly he felt something deep inside him but before he could put a finger on what it was she said — C'mon, let's go, it was late enough when we decide to stay to write.

They both had few things to collect and, as they joked around, they collected them quickly. They were in the parking lot in no time, their cars were next to the other but neither of them had gotten in to drive away since Jessica was dead set on hearing the favorite voice that Bill made, it was the first imitation she heard him do and she had been obsessed with his ability to transform his voice ever since. It had been so long since she had heard him do it and she hadn't felt comfortable to ask him before that day — Common. Please.

— I just don't get why you find it funny. — he said, bringing up a valid point. It wasn't an unique thing of him like Stefon or Vinny Vinnedechi and it wasn't a really hard one either, it wasn't even a bit, it was just a noise. But he obliged and did the noise Jabba The Hut would make when he was talking, making her squeal a little before laughing her ass off. And he watched as she laughed, feeling happy to see her like that and feeling happier because he made her laugh like that. Right then he realized the old feeling was back. That warm, comforting feeling he had felt for her so long ago was back and stronger as ever. And he knew it wasn't the first time he had felt it since they reconnected.

— Oh. — he whispered without really meaning to, he was still looking at her as her laughter stifled.

She gave him a bit of a questioning look — "Oh"? — she asked, looking at the calm and sweet expression on his face. He didn't waste a second before taking her hand in his — Oh. — she smiled before he decided to go ahead and kiss her. Just the moment before their lips met it felt like a roller-coaster right before it dropped, it was excitement, fear and a rush running through their bodies, and all of the sudden he felt their lips meet and he felt the drop. Bill could feel the adrenaline rush through his body and it lingered on his fingers as he caressed her jaw before taking the back of her neck in his hand.

She felt her tummy and her knees tremble and her heart speed in her chest. It felt so familiar yet so new, his lips were the same but his movements were more confident, his hands were holding her closer like always but his arms were bigger, and, even if she would've hated to admit it, it made her melt a little. And then, he parted his lips from her's. She slowly opened her eyes and found him smiling at her.

— I- — he smiled, almost laughing with a sweet disbelief — I'm falling for you again and I didn't wanna wait around to tell you like last time.

[morganamysticblog]

The Royal Romance – Happily Ever After???

It was the evening of their 5th wedding anniversary.  Liam had been gone for several weeks at various meetings and negotiations all over Europe, but he was going to be home tonight.

Hana and Maxwell had taken little Eleanor to Valtoria for a few days.  Heather had given most of the palace staff a couple days off.  She wanted a romantic night for just the two of them to celebrate.

Heather had made dinner herself, even though the kitchen staff protested and offered to help.  She wanted to make tonight as special as possible. She had made her homemade lasagna with garlic bread.  It probably wouldn’t be as good as what he had been eating while he was in Italy, but hopefully he would be impressed that she made it herself.

The house staff questioned Heather when she wanted to decorate the small dining room herself, but again, tonight was going to be for just her and Liam. She set the table with two taper candles, place settings for two, a small radio in the corner with a romantic mix made by Maxwell which included the song they danced their first dance together at their wedding reception.

She had bought some new lingerie from Ana.  It was in a small box in their bedroom, waiting.

Everything was ready. Now, she just needed her husband. She sat on the grand staircase in the front hall.  He would be home any minute according to his itinerary.

20 minutes passed by…the timer for the lasagna went off.  Heather asked one of the few house staff remaining in the palace to wait by the door to greet the King when he arrived so that she could complete the final preparations on dinner.

When Heather returned to the front hall, the staff member was there, but no Liam.  He had not arrived yet.  He was almost an hour late by now.  Heather pulled out her phone and tried to call him.  No answer – just voice mail.  She waited a few minutes, then sent Liam a text message.  “Just checking to make sure you are ok.  I thought you would be home by now.”

After several more minutes, Heather finally receives a reply text message from Liam.  “Sorry, meeting ran late.  Should be home tomorrow.”

Should be home tomorrow? Should be?  Sitting on the steps, tears streaming down her face, Heather picks up her phone and calls Drake.

DRAKE – Hey Heather. Did Liam make it home ok?  I wasn’t expecting to hear from you two for at least a couple days.

HEATHER – He’s not here. He’s still in London or Oslo or somewhere.

DRAKE – What?  But isn’t today your anniversary?

HEATHER – Yeah.  

DRAKE – Remind me to have a chat with him when he gets back.  Did he say when he’ll be back?

HEATHER – His exact words were “should be home tomorrow.”

DRAKE – Ok, so just change the celebration to tomorrow.

HEATHER – And what’s to say he even comes home tomorrow?  He promised. He had a return itinerary and everything.  I just…I’m getting tired of this Drake.

DRAKE – What do you mean?

HEATHER – Just everything. He runs off all over the world for important meetings and negotiations, sometimes for months at a time.  I get stuck here picking out curtains and place settings.  

DRAKE – I’m sorry Heather. Is there anything I can do to help?

HEATHER – Well, if you’re hungry, I have a whole homemade lasagna getting cold in the dining room if you want to help me eat it.

DRAKE – Sure.  Sounds good.  The kitchen staff must be learning some new recipes.  I don’t remember lasagna being on the royal menu.

HEATHER – No, I made it.

DRAKE – You?

HEATHER – I can cook you know.

DRAKE – Oh, right.  I keep forgetting you used to be normal.

HEATHER – Ha ha, very funny. Just for that I may have to just eat this all by myself.

DRAKE – Ok, I take it back. Please, I’m starving here.

HEATHER – Well, get your butt over here and help me eat then.

DRAKE – I’m on my way.

Drake had moved out of the palace and had an apartment in the capitol city.  He had a steady job with a construction company.  He had even started dating a little over the past few years.  But he would always have a place in his heart only for Heather.  Any time she needed him, he would always be there for her. He had made the mistake before not opening up to her, not telling her how he truly felt.  If he ever had the chance again, he would not mess it up.

________

Heather went upstairs to change out of her gown.  She put on her usual, comfortable black tank top and jeans.  She pulled her hair up into a pony tail. How quickly tonight had gone from a romantic, magical evening to a casual hang-out session with a friend.  Emotions within her changed and rolled like a roller coaster.  One second she was sad and heartbroken.  The next she was furious and wanted to punch something. Hopefully Drake could talk her down and help her through this.  Of course Drake could help her through this, he always did.  He was always there for her.

_________

Drake arrived at the palace about 15 minutes later.  One of the palace staff greeted him at the door and escorted him to the closed door to the small dining room.  She handed him a pair of ear plugs before opening the door.  

STAFF – You may need these sir.  The music is quite loud inside.

DRAKE – Uh, thanks.

Drake opens the door. Carrie Underwood’s Undo It blares out.

DRAKE – Heather.  (a little louder) Heather.  (yelling) HEATHER!

Heather turns around startled.  She turns down the music.

HEATHER – Drake.  I’m sorry.  I was jamming out a little.

DRAKE – Totally understandable.  Angry girl music, huh?  I would hate to be Liam when he gets home.

HEATHER – If he ever gets home.  His trips keep getting longer and longer.  The past year he may have been here 4 months of it.  He has missed so much with Ellie, even her last birthday.  I just don’t know what to do.

DRAKE – Well, I’m here if you need to talk.

HEATHER – I know.  I really appreciate that.  You’re probably tired of hearing me vent about all of this by now.

DRAKE – Nah.  Hey, I’m getting free homemade food out of it, so I see it as a win win.

HEATHER – Ha ha ha.  So you’re just in it for the food.

DRAKE – The food is a big bonus, yes.

HEATHER – Well, let’s get to it then.  I hope you like it.  I used to make this all the time back in New York.

DRAKE – It smells great.

Drake and Heather start eating the lasagna and garlic bread.  Heather pours out a couple glasses of whiskey.

DRAKE – This is amazing! Is there anything you can’t do?

HEATHER – Keep my husband’s interest apparently.

DRAKE – Heather, that’s not true and you know it.

HEATHER – I’m beginning to wonder.  

DRAKE – He’s a king. He’s just been busy.  Things should slow down soon.

HEATHER – I hope so. I just…He’s been getting more and more distant the past couple years.  We were so close.  We did everything together.  Now it feels like he doesn’t want me around at all.  Three years ago, I would have been on this trip with him.  Even with a 1 year old.  Now he doesn’t even ask if I want to go, sometimes he doesn’t even tell me he’s leaving.  I find out from the palace staff that he left on another trip.

DRAKE – Ouch.  Yeah, I’m gonna have to have a serious talk with him. That’s not right.

HEATHER – Honestly, lately, I’ve been wondering if I should even stay here anymore.

DRAKE – Well, if you want to get away and don’t want to go to Valtoria, you could always crash on my couch.  Or I could always take you and Ellie to my mom’s ranch for a little bit.  Some fresh air, animals, lots of room for Ellie to run around.

HEATHER – Thanks Drake. I’ll keep that in mind.  Why is it, after everything, you’re the one that always ends up taking care of me?

DRAKE – Isn’t that part of my job as your friend?

HEATHER – You are an amazing friend.

Heather and Drake finish eating their food.  They stand up and Heather walks over to Drake giving him a big, long hug.

HEATHER – You’re the best Drake, you know that?

DRAKE – Well, I’m glad somebody thinks so.

As Heather pulls away a little from the hug, their arms still around each other, Heather looks up into Drake’s face.  He looks down deeply into her eyes.  A small smile on his face.  A sweet sparkle in his eyes.  Heather can’t help herself. The next thing she knows she leans her lips up to his and kisses him.

Drake tightens his hold and kisses her back, soft at first, but then deeply, passionately, with all the pent up love and heat he has held inside him for the past 5 years.

As they part, Heather takes a couple steps back, feeling a little lightheaded after such an amazing kiss. She hadn’t been kissed like that in a very long time.  Still holding each other’s hands, she stares into his eyes.

Drake just stares at her, never taking his eyes off hers.  He wanted to tell her how he felt, how he has felt since they were in Paris…when he lost her because of his own stupidity.  Did she still have any feelings for him?  He didn’t want to make the same mistake again, but at the same time, as much as he wanted her, he didn’t want her to choose him because of Liam’s recent behavior.  He still had that fear of being the rebound guy.  He wanted to be so much more for her.

____________

Heather saw the range of thoughts and emotions go through Drake’s eyes.  She wondered if he could see into her the same way.  She had the chance in Paris to choose him, to run away with him.  She had chosen Liam instead.  Did she make the wrong decision?  She was beginning to think she did.  Especially being here now with Drake.  A part of her still loved him, even after all this time.  And based on the way he kissed her, she was pretty sure he felt the same way.

Heather lets go of Drake’s hands and takes a few steps back.

HEATHER – Drake…I, uh…

DRAKE – Yeah.  Um, I’m sorry about that.  I just…

HEATHER – Yeah.  Maybe we should just talk for a little bit.

DRAKE – That’s probably a good idea.

Heather and Drake sit back down at the table on opposite sides of each other.

DRAKE – So…

HEATHER – Yeah.  We seem to keep finding ourselves in this kind of position, huh?

DRAKE – Well, it has been a while.  I mean, last time, you weren’t married.

HEATHER – True.  I…I do care about you, Drake.  I feel, sometimes, like I keep holding on to you, keeping you from moving on with your life.  Like I want both worlds, you know?  Being queen and all the perks that go along with it, the lavish trips with Liam, but also the simple things with you.  I know it’s not right.  I’m sorry.

DRAKE – Look, this may not come out right, so I’m just going to let you know that up front.  Believe me, I care about you too.  Much more than I should.  And I would love nothing more than for me to be the one you end up with. But at the same time, I know you and I know Liam.  Liam will pull you back in with his usual romance and you’ll forget all about the feelings you may or may not have for me and go back to your happy life.  I…I can’t be the rebound guy or the revenge sex guy or whatever.

HEATHER – Drake, I’ve never…

DRAKE – I just want to know that if you’re with me, you’re with me.  Not because you’re hurt and think you have feelings for me because I’m paying attention to you when Liam’s not, or you’re mad at him and want to get back at him somehow.  

HEATHER – Drake, it’s not like…

DRAKE – I have been holding so much in since that day in Paris.  Going through all the guilt I felt for not telling you how I felt then, for not running after you the second you left.  And every day since then I have been dealing with the fact that there’s nothing I can do about it to change what happened.  That’s why I moved out to the city.  I couldn’t deal with being here every day, looking at you, knowing how I felt and knowing that nothing would ever come of it.  But, I promised myself, I would always be here when you needed me.  I may not be able to have you all to myself, but I could still take care of you when you needed me.

HEATHER – Drake, you are not the rebound guy.  You never have been.  But you may have a point about the feelings based on the situation thing.  Not that I don’t have feelings for you, because I still do, but with the situations we end up in, I do tend to turn to you to fix things and don’t take into consideration how you might feel.  I’m so sorry, Drake.  I’ve been so selfish, keeping you tied to me so that in a way I didn’t lose you, but I held you back all at the same time.

DRAKE – You haven’t held me back.  I want to be here.

HEATHER – I really appreciate that.  But, I flipped on you once when I told you that you were the one I wanted, and then went back to Liam.  I don’t want to do that to you again.  I don’t want to stand here and tell you that I’ll leave him for you, then flip again. I can’t put you through that again.

DRAKE – So what do we do?

HEATHER – I think this time I need to take some serious time to think.  Away from everybody.  I think I just need to be a mom for a little while, focus on Ellie and what’s best for her, and for me.

DRAKE – Well, whatever you decide, just take your time and make sure it’s what you truly want.  I only want what’s best for you, Heather. I always have.

HEATHER – I know.  And that’s what makes all this so much harder. It would be so easy to just tell you to pack up and let’s run away.  Believe me, there’s a part of me that wants to say that so badly.  But I know it’s not right.  Not yet.  Not until I’m sure.  Not until I get out from under this spell Liam has me under.  At least that’s what it feels like.  I think…it’s getting late.  I think maybe you should go.

DRAKE – Ok.  Are you sure you’re going to be ok?  I can stay longer if you need me to.

HEATHER – Thanks, but I think if you stay here any longer my resolve is going to fade rather quickly and I don’t want to do something we may both regret.

DRAKE – Oh, there would be no regrets, but I get what you’re saying.  I’ll talk to you soon, ok?

HEATHER – Definitely.

Drake and Heather walk out of the small dining room and out into the main entrance hall.  They share a quick hug goodbye and Drake leaves.

Heather heads up to her room and puts the small package with the lingerie in it away in her dresser. She pulls out her phone and sends a text message to Hana.

TEXT TO HANA – Hey Hana. If you and Maxwell want to bring Ellie back home tomorrow, you can.  I’m missing my girl.

She checks to see if there were any missed calls or texts – nothing.  She sends a text to Liam.

TEXT TO LIAM – Happy anniversary.

Thinking to herself – “well, let’s see if that gets any response.”  She checks the clock – 10:00 pm.  Might as well get some sleep.  She turns her phone on silent, changes into some pajamas and climbs into bed. Luckily she falls asleep within a few minutes.

[laresearchette]

Friday, February 14, 2020 Canadian TV Listings (Times Eastern)

WHERE CAN I FIND THOSE PREMIERES?: DISNEY’S FAIRY TALE WEDDINGS (Disney +) THE REAL BROS OF SIMI VALLEY (Facebook Watch) UTOPIA FALLS (CBC Gem) VISIBLE: OUT ON TELEVISION (Apple +) ZOMBIES 2 (Disney Channel Canada) 8:00pm STRIKE BACK (HBO Canada) 11:00pm

WHAT IS NOT PREMIERING IN CANADA TONIGHT HIGH FIDELITY (TBD)

NEW TO AMAZON PRIME/CRAVE/NETFLIX CANADA/CBC GEM:

CBC GEM HEY LADY! (Comedy Series) CBC Gem original: A wiry old gal (Jayne Eastwood) with a whiskey voice and a bourbon appetite, refuses to let herself be put out to pasture.

BLUE NOTE RECORDS: BEYOND THE NOTES (Documentary): Through rare archival footage, current recording sessions and conversations with Blue Note artists and people closely affiliated with the iconic Jazz label, the film provides an intimate look behind the scenes and reveals an inspiring quest that continues to be vital in today’s political climate. With Herbie Hancock, Wayne Shorter, Robert Glasper, Norah Jones, Don Was and many more.

CHICKEN GIRLS: THE MOVIE (Drama)Rhyme (Annie LeBlanc) and her friends - known by their 'ship name, THE CHICKEN GIRLS - have been dancing together forever. But as they enter high school, everything begins to change. They'll have to survive boy drama, mean girls, and new interests that threaten to tear the girls apart.

THE FAMILY LAW Season 2 (Comedy) With Jenny and Danny now happily divorced, Benjamin and the Laws look forward to a fresh start. But as the Laws are about to discover, no divorce ever goes smoothly. And in the baking Queensland sun, nothing stays fresh for long.

THE FAMILY LAW Season 3 (Comedy) For THE FAMILY LAW’s third and final chapter, Benjamin and Jenny are thrust headfirst into new worlds of self-discovery and hormones, only to find that for every thrill there is also terror, and that it takes courage to come of age...and finally come out.

GRACE BESIDE ME (Tween) Fuzzy Mac’s life is turned upside down on her 13th birthday, when she discovers she can communicate with spirits! Combining whimsy, adventure, comedy and drama, the series takes audiences on an emotional roller coaster ride, following Fuzzy, as she learns to accept her gift and understand the meaning of ‘grace.’

LIFE WITH DEREK Seasons 3 and 4 (Tween) A modern blended family, which has forced together two wilful teenagers, Casey (Ashley Leggat) and Derek (Michael Seater), each used to being in charge and each determined to keep it that way.

PAUL O’GRADY FOR THE LOVE OF DOGS Season 8 (Unscripted) Battersea Cats and Dogs Home is one of the UK's most recognizable and respected charities. In this heartwarming series, Paul O'Grady presents the ups and downs of life at the home as they care for our four legged friends in need.

WARRIOR WOMEN WITH LUPITA NYONG’O (Documentary) In this immersive and epic TV documentary, with extraordinary and unique access, Oscar ® -winning actress, author, and producer Lupita Nyong’o journeys across Benin, West Africa to uncover the remarkable truth behind the women who helped to inspire the Dora Milaje of Marvel’s film Black Panther.

CRAVE TV ABBY HATCHER (Season 1) ABOUT TIME THE BOOKSHOP AISHA BROWN: THE FIRST BLACK WOMEN EVER HEAVY RESCUE: 401 (Season 1) THE LAKE HOUSE SHAFT THE SOUVENIR STRIKE BACK (Season 7, Episode 1) TOSH.0 (Season 11B)

NETFLIX CANADA CABLE GIRLS (Final Season) ISI & OSSI A SHAUN THE SHEEP MOVIE: FARMAGEDDON

NHL HOCKEY (TSN2) 7:00pm: Habs at Penguins (TSN3) 7:00pm: Sharks at Jets

NBA BASKETBALL (SN/SN1) 7:00pm: NBA All-Star Celebrity Game (SN/SN1) 9:00pm: NBA Rising Stars Challenge

marketplace (CBC) 8:00pm: Exposing the Canadian connections behind a global criminal network involved in the biggest cyber-scams.

SPENCER'S BIG 30 (CTV Life) 8:00pm: Chef Spencer Watts makes fast and affordable Japanese food for four in around 30 minutes.

CURLING (TSN/TSN3/TSN4/TSN5) 8:30pm: Scotties Tournament of Hearts: Wildcard

YOU CAN’T ASK THAT (CBC) 8:30pm: Through accident, illness or genetics, people with limb differences learn to adapt and be resilient. Because their disability is so visible, they receive a lot of attention, which can be both annoying and offer opportunities for raising awareness. They openly answer anonymous online questions with honesty and humour.

THE NATURE OF THINGS (CBC) 9:00pm: There is a hidden natural world in the unlikeliest of places — in the heart of Canada's largest city.

ODE TO JOY (Crave) 9:00pm: Charlie has a rare disorder that causes him to lose control of his muscles whenever he is overcome by strong emotions. But when a beautiful woman falls for him, he must soon decide whether to suppress his feelings, or take a chance and let love in.

AUSSIE GOLD HUNTERS (Discovery Canada) 10:00pm (SEASON PREMIERE): As a new season dawns on the Western Australian Goldfields, five hard core crews of gold prospectors must push themselves and their dreams to the limit.

TIES THAT BIND (Super Channel Heart & Home) 10:00pm: Allison and Devin investigate the breakdown of a star student at the high school; teens deal with the social fallout of having Allison on campus.

CBC ARTS: EXHIBITIONISTS (CBC) 11:30pm: Meet an artist using his work to save butterflies and a Lethbridge drag queen with serious hustle.

[chokememrstark]

A Day Off // Winterspider

Words: ~ 2,4k

Summary: Peter watches a fun game between Tony, Steve and Bucky escalate and doesn't really like where this is going. When he notices Bucky looks more and more tired, he decides to step in and be part of the game too - but unlike Tony and Steve, he wants Bucky to have fun and enjoy a day off.

Warnings: background stucky and winteriron (non-explicit though), winter soldier!bucky, fluff, fairs

Note: It's important to note that Bucky and Winter basically switch in this story randomly - there is no real indicator, one morning he will wake up as Bucky, the next as Winter. This story involves Winter and Peter.

[Read on AO3]

Peter enjoys that Bucky lives at the compound now, it always means his visits become more fun. There are some things that are a bit difficult at first, for example that Bucky isn’t always Bucky, but Peter gets used to that pretty quickly. He can easily spot if he deals with Bucky or with Winter, who is far more quiet and reticent and at times very grumpy, but Peter doesn’t mind. When he deals with Winter he talks less and is more serious, when he deals with Bucky there is more joking around and laughing. He likes both though and both still go to the training area with him for his usual training sessions, the only difference is that with Winter, Peter has to actually be careful because he’s not holding back as much as Bucky does.

When the joke with the magnets starts, everyone is rather amused at first, even Peter. One day, Tony accidentally stuck a magnet to Bucky’s metal arm, which ended in a game where they all tried to stick as many magnets as possible on his arm without Bucky noticing. Bucky doesn’t mind, he actually finds it very funny how they try to sneak behind him and doesn’t try to stop them.

Then, one day, there’s just a single magnet on Bucky’s arm, one that says “Property of Steve”. Both Tony and Peter, who is over at the time, are confused, until Steve just drags Bucky off with him. This marks the beginning of a new game, one which Peter watches without participating, not quite sure what to make of it.

Over the next couple of weeks, Steve and Tony pretty much trip over their own feet to stick their name onto Bucky’s arm first every day, which ends up with the one succeeding “owning” him for that day. Bucky doesn’t seem to mind - and surprisingly, Winter doesn’t either - but Peter notices that, over the weeks, Bucky seems more and more tired. Peter knows the relationship between the three is a bit complicated and that they both have something going on with Bucky, so the owning game kind of makes sense, he guesses, but he doesn’t really like it. At all.

So, one day when Peter stays over the weekend, he sneaks out of his room early and into Bucky’s, putting his own magnet onto his arm. An hour later everyone else gets up and both Tony and Steve want to “claim” Bucky, only to realize there already is a claim on him. A magnet that says: ‘Property of Peter, hands off!’. Tony and Steve share a confused look, both dropping their magnets, when Peter walks over to them.

“Guess he’s mine for the day,” he says with a smile and drags Bucky away, only that it’s not Bucky today. Coincidence or not, Peter managed to claim Winter for the day, but he doesn’t mind.

“What did you do?” Winter asks when Peter leads him through the common area and towards the elevator, not quite understanding what is going on.

“I decided to play the game too,” Peter shrugs, taking Winter’s metal hand to keep pulling him forward. “We will spend the day together today, I promise you’ll like it.”

Winter, who is used to be dragged off to the bedroom after a claim has been made on him for the day instead of the elevator, just keeps looking confused.

“Don’t you want to stay?”

“Nope,” Peter smiles and presses the lobby button once they are in the elevator. “We’ll go out today, I have a surprise for you. I’m sure you’ll like it.”

Peter’s surprise turns out to be a trip to Coney Island. They catch several glances on the subway and trams they use, but while Winter is mostly silent and confused about the whole ordeal, Peter not once loses his smile, holding onto him to make sure they aren’t getting separated. When they arrive, however, Winter finally breaks his silence.

“What are we doing here?” he asks, looking slightly uncomfortable with the amount of people around them.

“Tony and Steve keep tiring you out,” Peter says seriously and looks up at him. “I just want you to have some fun for a day, you know? I’ve been here with my aunt a few years ago, it’s really great and there are so many things to do.” And before Winter can complain, Peter starts dragging him along.

They simply walk around for a while, looking at the attractions around them, until Peter spots one of the roller coasters, literally starting to pull on Winter’s arm.

“We have to go on that one!” he says excitedly, pretty much jumping up and down next to the other. “It’s so much fun and so fast!”

Winter looks up, reads the sign which says ‘Coney Island Cyclone’ and frowns.

“Are you sure about this?” he wants to know and Peter nods eagerly. It’s barely five minutes before they stand in line, Winter rather stiff and unsure about what’s going to happen and Peter excited like a child on Christmas. In a way, this is kind of the same for him.

Once they are seated - somehow they managed to get the front seats, of course next to each other - Peter grins from ear to ear. “Last time I was too short for this, I’m so excited to finally ride it!” he exclaims and laughs. As the ride starts, he clings to Winter with one arm and has the other steady himself.

There is a lot of screaming from Peter’s side when they finally go down and much less from Winter, who is simply pressed into his seat and stares at the track in front of them, but it’s obvious that Peter enjoys it very much. It doesn’t take long before Winter relaxes at least a little bit and when the ride is over, he looks at Peter as if to ask what he thinks. The boy beams at him with pure joy.

“That. Was. Fucking. Awesome!” he states and laughs happily, his cheeks slightly pink from screaming and the adrenaline going through his system. After they leave, he hooks up with Winter’s metal arm again, who doesn’t try to pull away this time. It’s as if he accepted that Peter feels safer this way in the crowded place and that’s kind of nice, actually.

As they walk through the place a bit more, Peter suddenly gets curious and looks up at him. “You had county fairs back in the 40s too, right?” he asks. “Did you ever went to one?”

Winter has to think about that for a while before he nods. “A few times, but they were smaller. Not so many people. And not so loud.”

“What kind of attractions did you have back then?”

“Mostly lucky wheels or freak shows,” Winter says and shrugs. “Usually you would take out a girl to them and eat bad hot dogs or try to fight against the strong guy to impress her.”

“The strong guy?” Peter asks curious and tilts his head.

“There was always one place with a ring and some guy who was very strong and some pretty girl asking people to ‘try your luck against Samson’ or similar things. And if you went there with your date, saying no was out of question because she would have thought you were weak. So the boys went into the ring, got their ass handed to them and left to be comforted by them.”

“That sounds pretty dumb,” Peter chuckles and shakes his head. “Glad we won’t have to do that today.”

“Me too,” Winter says and for a moment it looks like he will laugh, but he doesn’t. Peter shrugs and looks around to find a place to eat something.

“They got pizza here, do you want some?”

“If you are hungry, we can eat.”

So, they end up at a place that sells pizza, sitting in the sun while they eat and still, Peter smiles like it’s the best day of his life. He talks about other things they have here, like the big ferris wheel and the auto skooter and the ice skating area. He also mentions several booths where people can win prizes for things like tossing balls or shooting, which actually makes Winter turn his head.

“Shooting?”

“Oh yes,” Peter grins and nods. “They have a booth near the end, you get a number of shots and the more you hit, the bigger the prize you get. I never manage to get more than 50 points, though.”

“Do you want to try it again?” Winter asks and Peter’s grin broadens even more.

“I’d love to!” he says excited. “I’m sure you’d be so good at it, you’d probably get all the points!”

There is something like a smile on Winter’s face for a split second before he nods and finishes his pizza. “We can go there if you want to,” he agrees, making Peter almost jump up with joy.

Once they are both done, they head towards the booth Peter mentioned. On the way, Peter gets them both some ice cream, accompanied with the words ‘It’s hot and we should stay cool, right?’. Winter just nods and takes the offered treat, allowing Peter to hook back up with his arm so they can continue. At this point, he barely registers the looks they get anymore or reacts to them. He is more calm and far less nervous than he was when they arrived, which ultimately reflects on Peter, who seems to be in a rather peaceful mood himself.

They spot the booth shortly before they finished their ice cream and decide to stand back and watch a few others try their luck at first, with Peter explaining the whole thing.

“Not every target gives the same points, you have to go for the moving ones, okay?” He says and smiles up at Winter. “The birds give 100 points each, the ducks give 80. Most people go for the ones that don’t move, but they only give 10 to 20 points.”

“What do you get when you hit the highest targets?” Winter asks and Peter chuckles.

“One of those, for example,” he grins and points at the huge stuffed bears hanging from a wall of the booth. “They are 1000 points each, but barely anyone gets that much. The birds are really fast…”

Winter nods, but doesn’t answer. Instead, he watches someone start a new game, his eyes glued onto the targets. Peter observes him closely and notices the way Winter shifts, as if he’s preparing himself. He figures that’s exactly what’s happening.

Five minutes later, Winter finally nods. “I will try.”

They approach the booth once everyone else is done and Winter takes the rifle, barely listening to the man who gives him instructions. Finally, the signal sounds that starts a new round and Peter watches in awe how Winter aims and shoots. Every single shot hits one of the fast moving birds, all ten of them giving him full points. Peter’s eyes are wide and sparkling by the time he’s done.

“That was so cool!” he exclaims and suddenly hugs Winter tight. “You’re awesome!”

The man running the booth looks baffled when Winter puts the rifle back down and turns to him. He clearly didn’t expect someone to be as good as he was.

“W-Wow, that’s… that’s a rare one,” the man says and gulps. “So, for 1000 points you can pick anything you want.”

“A bear,” Winter immediately says and points towards the displayed ones. The man looks defeated when he walks over and cuts one of them off its hook, handing it to him.

“Congrats,” he says, but he doesn’t sound like he’s happy about giving this away.

Winter takes the bear and turns to Peter, handing it to him. “For you,” he says.”

Peter’s face lights up. “Are you serious?” he asks, taking the bear completely stunned. It’s almost as big as Peter is himself.

“You said you never got one,” Winter says quietly and Peter suddenly hugs the bear.

“I didn’t! Thank you so much!” The boy is absolutely delighted and holds the bear as tight as he possibly can. “I love it and I’ll take good care of it, I promise!”

Winter nods, his apparent nervousness fading away. They leave, this time without Peter holding onto him because he needs both arms for the huge bear he carries.

The rest of their visit is similarly amusing, even though Winter refuses to go on the second roller coaster ride with Peter. Instead, he watches over the bear, watching Peter enjoy his ride. Afterwards, they get some candy and eventually get onto the auto skooter too, but this time Peter asks one of the employees to watch over the bear because he really wants Winter to come with him.

When they get back to the compound, it’s late in the afternoon and Peter looks the happiest he’s ever been, still holding onto his bear Winter got for him and smiling brightly.

“Did you enjoy your day off?” he asks once they are back in the common room and finally sit down again.

“It was very nice, thank you for this,” Winter answers, watching Peter - who totally uses the bear as a pillow and sits on its lap at the other side of the couch.

“I had a lot of fun today,” Peter smiles happily. “And if you ever want to go again, I’m going to win a bear for you too.”

At this, Winter’s lips suddenly jerk and he actually smiles at the boy. “I would like that, yes.”

Peter’s eyes sparkle so much when he throws himself forward and hugs Winter again, tight and long. “I can’t wait!” he laughs and kisses Winter’s cheek. “But you have to show me how to aim like you do first.”

“I will happily do that,” Winter says, almost softly, and pats Peter’s back carefully.

The rest of the day they spend talking before Peter has to go back home, of course taking the bear with him. After this, he makes a decision to make sure he can take the other out from time to time, so they can have some fun together. He really likes WInter - and Bucky - and even though it’s hard to tell whether Winter actually enjoyed it or not, he knows the smile he gave him was genuine. And that really gives him some hope.

[lamgrace1993]

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[hela-of-ren]

Something On My Face?

Request: something with matt where you're so exasperated with the rejections and dealing with heartbreak and guys never seeing what a babe/catch/amazing person you are and matt makes sure you understand and learn about your self-worth and slowly, after a while (weeks or months) you see yourself falling for matty. Something along the lines of "falling for you" by colbie caillat? 

Holy monkeys in a barrel I may have just gotten a cavity from how sweet this was. My Matty boy is such a sweetheart and he’d stop at nothing until you saw just how wonderful you are. P.S. I also included a small Spongebob reference because I’m a loser. I hope you enjoy! <3

“Is it because I chew my pen?”

“Wh- come again?”

Matt looked at you as if you’d grown a third head and sprouted a tail. You stopped pacing and turned to look at him.

“Is there an octopus on my face? Did I unknowingly grow webbed feet? Oh gosh, do I have bad breath?” Your questions only served to confuse Matt even more.

It had started out as a very small thing, barely noticeable until it began repeating and growing. Every time you worked up the courage to approach someone or admit your feelings to another person, you’d get a swift rejection or a pitying look.

Your friends had convinced you to step up and put yourself out there, always telling you how wonderful you were. For the first few times it had gone extremely well and left you feeling super confident.

As things progressed, it became clear that many of these people were taken or simply not interested after a few weeks of conversation.

Peeps really needed to get their shit together and be honest.

“Y/N?” Matt’s low voice brought you out of your musings.

“Huh?”

“To answer your question from earlier, I don’t see and octopus or any duck feet.” He tried keeping his face serious as he spoke, but the second your snorted he was lost to his own giggles. By the time the both of you had calmed down, you’d positioned yourself beside Matt on the floor.

“I guess it’s kind of hopeless for me. I’ll be an old spinster lady with ten cats and a jewel encrusted cane.” You sighed.

“Aw come on, Y/N. You know that’s not true,” Matt scooted towards you, “Your cane will be made from the bones of your enemies.” He joked. You snorted in response and bumped your shoulder to his.

Matt smiled down at you, admiring your profile discreetly. You’d always been perfect to him, from your adorable laugh to your soulful eyes; he’d always been able to see how wonderful you were.

Not that you’d ever look at him like that, but he’d be damned if he let you think that you weren’t amazing in every way.

Wait...THAT WAS IT!

Matt jumped up suddenly beside you and threw himself into your closet, throwing cardigans and coats alike behind him in his haste. You managed to pick yourself up to approach him cautiously.

“Matt? Uhm, Matty? What are you doing?” Your old pink leather jacket landed on on your face in response. You pulled the offending article away to see Matt quickly adjusting a purple feather boa around his neck.

“Simple, we’re gonna have some fun.” Matt grinned at you and ran over to your blue tooth speaker, picking out one of the most upbeat songs you had.

He began to wave his arms around like a flailing fish, his face smooshing together in concentration as his hips swayed rapidly. You stood there gaping like a fish before a smile fought its way to your face, your hand coming up to cover your giggles.

Matt turned and shimmied awkwardly over to you, grabbing your hands and spinning you. Your laughter filled the room and only fueled Matt’s energy.

“From this point on, the only thing we’re gonna do is have fun!” Matt proclaimed and continued as he twirled you again.

“This whole week we’re gonna do fun things form dawn till dusk!”

“Matt, I have work everyday at 5:00 PM.”

“From dawn till 5:00 PM!”

You only continued to laugh harder at his words.

Matt had made good on his word, everyday for a whole week filling your time with happiness and fun. After your impromptu dance session Matt had dressed the two of you up in some of your old clothes, strutting and posing as if you were models on America’s Next Top Model.

Matt had gotten so excited about all of your old clothes and costume pieces that he ran back to his house to grab his Polaroid camera and snap some cute pictures of the two of you.

On day two, Matt had surprised you with ice cream from your favorite parlor and took you to the beach. The two of you had set up a small spot by the ocean with nothing but your towels, an umbrella, a cooler, and a small speaker for your Ipod.

Matt had looked so goofy with a small smattering of sun screen on his nose and his orange swim trunks. The two of you ended up getting pushed over by quite a few waves, sand in your suits, and an epic sun burn on your shoulders before the day was over.

But the feeling of absolute happiness trumped any burn from the sun...or sand in your buns.

On day three, Matt arranged to take you to the movies for a private viewing of the new Star Wars. The two of you switched seats multiple times often laying upside down and even jumping on some of them; ending the film with a popcorn fight and a bit of slushy coming out of Matt’s nose.

On day four, Matt took you for a day at the local carnival. You managed to play every game there was and scarf down all you could eat. Matt insisted you ride the roller coaster at the very front, resulting in a very nauseous Solo boy that quickly made his way to the bathroom to rid himself of the last hot dog he’d eaten.

The night had ended with fireworks and some snow cones, the two of you huddled under Matt’s enormous puffy coat that he kept for occasions like this. That and snow cones always made him chilly no matter the weather.

On the final day, Matt had opted for the two of you to stay in at his house and watch a movie. The weather had been gloomy and the rain hadn’t stopped since you had both woken up.

You laid with your feet in Matt’s lap before his sneeze turned your attention. His blonde locks were tousled and uncombed and his cheeks were slightly rosy, his Roman nose pronounced and crinkling as he sniffed in.

His chocolate eyes were glued to the TV and his arms lay over your feet in a bowl of pop corn. He wore a long sleeve brown Henley and a pair of BB8 pajama bottoms that lay hidden under his red throw blanket. Your eyes drifted down to his pink lips that slightly pouted every now and then, something he always did without thinking.

For the past week Matt had made sure you were happy in every way taking you on multiple excursions and making you feel as if you had no cares in the world. Every time you expressed your joy, Matt would turn to look at you with that crooked grin you loved so much and-

Wait...loved?

Holy shit...

When did that happen?

You blinked your eyes repeatedly before looking at Matt again and smiling.

Each time Matt had done something for you the whole week, your love for him had grown from that of a friend to so much more. Every outing was done with care and love for your well being, simply put, Matt had made this whole week about you.

Everything he did or said only raised your self worth and confidence in yourself, from winning at the ring toss to teaching Matt how to move his hips properly. He’d done all of this because he...

“Matty?”

“Hm?”

You removed your legs from his lap and moved to sit on your knees against him. Matt turned to look at you in confusion before you cupped his face to press your lips softly to his. His lips were still under yours and almost caused you to break way until his own hands came up to cup your face and bring you closer.

Your heart flipped in relief and smiled into the kiss as his long fingers dug into your hair. Your lips moved passionately against each others before you ended it with a gentle bite to his lower lip, separating so that your noses touched.

You gazed at Matt in wonder and adoration, that goofy grin took over his face in an instant before he spoke.

“What? Do I have an octopus on my face?” He joked.

You laughed in pure joy and threw your arms around his neck, tackling him to the couch as the two of you spent the rest of the night kissing and cuddling; joyful in your newly found love.

[inked-convulsion]

Being an Asian nymphomaniac

There’s one thing I noticed about being raised with Asian values, but voluntarily taking up liberalism.

With liberalism (I may be utilizing this term wrongly in this context), everything and anything goes as long as it is not disruptive to society and/or other people. As Wikipedia defines it, “a philosophy or worldview founded on ideas of liberty and equality, supporting ideas and programmes such as freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom of religion, free markets, civil rights, gender equality, and international cooperation”. In other words, you do you as long as no one is hurt, and no peace is disrupted. Simple.

But with being Asian, a complex web of values are implemented. To be fair, my parents weren’t too keen on the extremities of Asian or Chinese values, but they did emphasize a few things. Filial piety being one of them - the definition of this term is lost to some, but it generally means being respectful to your parents/guardians in repayment of their efforts in raising and educating you. Conservatism is also one of the recurring themes - do not be too flashy, do not do or say anything that would attract attention. Also, sexual topics are generally taboo unless expressed in an extremely vague way in a tone that is meant to be taken as a rhetorical joke.

I discovered porn - and subsequently my sexuality - at the tender age of 8. We had a computer, and we had dial-up internet. At the time, I didn’t know about clearing your browser history, and I don’t think we had incognito mode at the time. I was confronted gently about my visits to these websites on the internet, and was invited for open conversation about these topics with any of my aunts if I had any questions.

At school, people were only beginning to meddle with puppy love and crushes. I would assume that no one - especially the girls - had developed and/or acknowledged their sexuality at that age, or even if they did, the taboo and controversy with raising and discussing a sexual topic kept their lips sealed. Keep in mind that we were still in primary school, the maximum age at that time being 12 years, and while I still played jump rope and passed notes in class and read the newest Harry Potter book, I indulged in my secret pleasure at home after school. People only knew that I knew what porn was, and some of the things involved - no more.

As I grew older and went to university, my horizons had expanded. I had sex for the first time, and I thought that would be the checkpoint that would end my desire for anything sexual - all this anticipation and masturbation, and now I’ve finally experienced it. So, logically, my thirst should be quenched… right?

Apparently not, and this discrepancy proved to be one of the biggest factors in why my first boyfriend and I fell apart. While I desperately wanted physical interaction, he was fine with just texting; and at one point, even texting was rare. In my frustration at him reprimanding me for sending him nudes, and in my own sexual frustration, my confusion led me to Omegle - naked but headless. I had no significant tattoos to identify my body then, but the guilt overwhelmed me so much that the next day, I fessed up and told him what I did. If there was any more affection left in that relationship at that point, I single-handedly crushed it, along with his trust in relationships.

University was a much more liberal place - sexual topics were discussed openly in hushed voices, and innuendos were abound. There was much less of people just walking away from you if you accidentally cross the line into uncharted territory (for them). I’ve had a friend say she had serious culture shock when she was doing an assignment with me for the first time, how I so openly and candidly discussed my sex life with another friend, and her boyfriend promptly warned her to not be influenced by me.

I’m not sure whether it was the feeling of liberation or just being desperately alone and sexually frustrated, I turned to Omegle again. I don’t know why I did what I did with that particular person, because it was always just getting off then going our separate ways, with the occasional chat. But this particular time, I was given an email address, and I gave mine. I shared a connection with this person that I never experienced before, and would probably never experience for the next few years with anyone. We somehow understood each other - how it felt to be a social outcast for thinking the way we did, how sex was a central part of our lives, and a mutual understanding to how fleeting life can be.

He had a girlfriend, so I was the third person of the relationship for a while. Looking back now I wouldn’t call it love, but it was indeed an emotional connection that surpassed all of my previous and limited future connections with guys. It was an unspoken mutual understanding, and we moved on. Friends and family called it just a man’s lust and the desire for some adventure. Perhaps it was, because our number of email dwindled as we continued on with our mutual lives, but I really doubt that lust itself is sufficient to make a man fly halfway across the world for a naive girl.

The next 3-4 years from there proved to be hell - for self esteem, and for my sexual identity. I went through one guy after another, each time convinced that perhaps something would blossom from there, but each time I was either just an easy girl or a temporary replacement for someone’s lost love. I think I maintained a naive outlook to love and relationships, but it was tinged with fear that my sexual needs would somehow manipulate my brain into thinking that what I felt for this person is more than just a carnal instinct to get myself off. At one point I was spending a lot of time with this group who had already plans to take turns with me after one of them took off the condom halfway and came in my mouth without warning - “she’s eager to please and doesn’t complain”. This one guy said he hated girls like me, who had no dignity and would sleep with anyone.

We ended up in a roller coaster of a relationship, one that warped my perception to everything, and has cemented a paranoia in me that I wished would just go away. Everything that he promised was flushed down the drain, and then I realized I was a project - to see if he could mold me into a trophy girlfriend and subsequently wife, giving him an ego-boosting label called “wild girl tamer”. His friends were impressed at how much less I swore and how much less ‘wild’ I was, when in fact I just didn’t want to be berated time and time again for being comfortable.

In this relationship, my desire for light bondage developed, perhaps because I felt like neither of us had control over anything, and I think by trying to give him “control” in the bedroom, I could regain control of some aspects of my life. It was not meant to be, as he preferred vanilla love-making, clashing with how I liked it. The sexual chemistry was just not there, and in his frustration that I wasn’t satisfied, the blame turned to how much of a slut I was, how I had easily let men touch me, giving away my value and dignity. And how my consensual one-time sexual encounters were so much more morally unacceptable than paying for a woman who sells sex, and so was sharing said woman with another guy.

As desperately as I tried, holding onto my sexuality wasn’t an option - I soon felt not only frustration, but shame at being so sexually needy. It was like being Snow Flower as Lily sang her Letter of Vituperation in Snow Flower and the Secret Fan - condemned to enjoying and desiring sex as a woman, while men were openly allowed to objectify and use women to his pleasure.

It became one of the many things that I was paranoid about. I may go out with a male friend, and even though my current SO encourages it, I still return anxious, walking on eggshells as I recounted my outing with said friend. I feel my cheeks burn with shame when I try to initiate something sexual, or even send a sexy text or a nude. It feels so slutty to constantly put yourself out there, even if it’s exclusively only to one person.

Since my first time, it has always been an imbalance where I would want it extremely frequently, but the guys just didn’t. While many guys talked about their fantasies about having a girlfriend who would want it all the time, somehow most of the guys I’ve committed to just didn’t want it so much. I also indirectly linked this lack of desire for my flesh to my self-esteem - I wasn’t attractive enough for them to desire me, so I’d act sluttier, much to their dismay and the complete opposite of their pleas for me to be more modest. And each session would leave me wanting more, because it was always vanilla, missionary, less than enthusiastic, and always was rushed.

So now I’m stuck between wanting to be a decent Asian girlfriend, and wanting to be the girlfriend who would pin their boyfriend down daily. It’s come to a point where I’d be scrolling through porn Tumblrs, then suddenly stopping myself and Googling why I have the sex drive that I have. It’s a daily conflict where the Asian in me wants to be a model daughter and girlfriend, while the liberal in me wants myself liberated of the guilt and pressure of not being said model daughter and girlfriend.

Well, at least now it’s just in my head.

[wafflelvr]

tinder

i am very proud of my social media presence, it’s how i show people the growth in my dancing, funny relatable anecdotes, my own personal growth, and pictures of me literally killing the game so that everyone knows how hot i’ve become. and i try to appear unapologetic, but i’m an attention grabber what can i say? i love it. i love hearing that people like reading my blog, my tweets, and my instragram posts. i like hearing people say that they feel like they can relate to me and that they think of me as a funny person because i publicly humiliate myself on a daily basis on social media.

however, social media presence aside; i cannot for the life of me get the hang of the dating app Tinder. for those of you in healthy, happy relationships, tinder is an app that lets you view singles in your area that you could be hanging out with through very basic profiles with a max of six pictures, a 500 word bio, and the luck of the swipe. basically, you can choose who you want to have a free meal and movie with, without having the dating algorithm that most dating sites use. tinder is also for hooking up with random strangers because you swiped right when you were a few drinks in. it can be fun when you’re harmlessly flirting and getting compliments like, “wow you have super blue eyes” or “sit on my face”. (really that is one of the first things that some one has sent me… not even a “hey, how is your day?”). but when it comes down to it, when you actually do meet this person in real life and you sit across from them in a coffee shop or restaurant, you realize that you’re sitting across a person who has the words, “looking for someone to adventure with; hugs, drugs, and pugs only,” in their tinder bio. and then you get so disgusted with yourself that you end up ignoring them the whole date and being as passive aggressive as possible to wade off any touching or the impression that you’re really interested in anything other than the free drinks and food you’re getting. it’s a roller coaster really.

all jokes aside, why are we so interested in tinder? is it because we are all secretly narcissists and need the attention of some random guy (or girl) who clearly took hours deciding their images and witty bio? is it because the feelings of loneliness when we are single are literally the worst because when you’re halfway through a nine season tv series and you look at your reflection in the dark screen you realize how upsettingly single you are? or is it because we just want something to make ourselves feel accomplished and appreciated? before you assume that i’m just shitposting and am unhappy about the outcomes of tinder dates gone wrong, i do have some statistics to back me up.

so according to bustle.com; 80% of Tinder users are actually looking for a long- term relationship. so that semi- forgettable looking guy that you for sure swiped left on because he was so plain looking and his bio read, “looking for a real thing, not just a hook-up,” is actually looking for the love of his life. the other 20% of users are looking for a one night stand, or as they put it gently, “not looking for something serious,”. understandable. quick hook-ups are a very real thing, but sometime’s it’s still weird hooking up with some random dude who will probably either get to attached or end up ghosting you right after you hook up. the stigma that Tinder is simply a speed hook-up app is statistically wrong, but it’s still gross when i have to swipe through bio after bio saying, “looking for something causal,” “let’s get high/ drunk and have a good time,”. it’s also concerning when i see “looking for something real on here; if you’re not into this swipe left.” really, the bios are just a block on the guy who i’m looking at.

there are over 90 million people who are currently using Tinder to “improve” their dating life. however, according to mic network inc, 62% of all location based dating apps (in general not even Tinder here) are men. MEN ARE TAKING OVER TINDER LADIES!!! THEY LITERALLY OUTNUMBER US 2 TO 1. the article goes on to say that TInder’s design of swiping is a lot like a cognitive game. and since the human mind (especially them male brain) is reward driven, it explains the new found pleasure of treating future relationships like a game and the competitive nature of swiping. and here we are complaining that the world is full of games and we will never find the loves of our lives because they play too much. and then we swear off men and walk our dogs and drink bone dry cappuccinos and write sassy blog posts about how shitty online dating is. (or is that just me right now?) research has shown that the amount of time men spend on a Tinder session is 7.5 minutes. and women swipe for 8.5 minutes. doesn’t seem that important. but swiping means increasing your chances of matching a person. so while it takes men a shorter time to swipe, they’ll usually like more profiles, increasing their odds of matching and receiving a date, whereas women have 14% chances of swiping a “like” because they don’t go into the reward part of the chase. it is a objective game. the objective being however many people match with you and actually message you. the actual endgame of dates is smaller than matches because by the time your ego is boosted the voice in your head is telling you to move on. so you go back to your 7 or 8 minute long swiping session.

Tinder is the ultimate ego booster. not going to lie, the first time i started using Tinder, i was excited to have the male attention again. it’s fun. getting compliments and being asked what i was majoring in in college and then being told that what i wanted to do was impressive really made me feel like they really valued me. then i would be snapped back to the reality that they were on here messaging other girls the same thing, or sexting them. i had no idea who this guy really was or what he wanted or if he really was interested in me as a person or just as a random hookup. whenever i raised questions about this to my friends they would gently respond, “it’s a hook-up app; they want one thing”. which is honestly true. everyone likes attention, everyone wants to feel special and appreciated. even the douchiest frat boy will agree with me here; when an attractive person tells you that you’re attractive and smart and funny and try to get to know you, it feels really good. and then you walk around thinking you’re the shit.

but really, it’s part of the game. you say things to get a reaction and to get the thing you want, whether it’s a date or a hook-up. it’s all a game. and that’s really disappointing.

i’m a romantic. i like the whole learning about another person and creating a relationship with them at the rate that we are comfortable exploring at. i like the mystery of learning whether or not they like chocolate, their favorite movies, their music taste, and why they are choosing to do what they’re majoring in. i enjoy being the one person that is discovering this. i enjoy being in a relationship based off a growing liking of each other. it’s easier that way and i think that it’s more encouraging to fall in love and have a heathy relationship. also, i like feeling special. i like having the attention on me, feeling like i am the only person that they are focused on in that moment. which is why i suck at dating.

tinder defeats the romance of learning about a person to learn. the conversations go from casual to sexually driven in five minutes or the plans of a date are rushed because both people are literally so starved of actually attention they’ll graph at anything. it’s all a a game. and it’s why i suck at dating. i can’t change the conversation from “what’s your favorite coffee ground?” to something really disgusting. it’s too fast for me! i can’t keep up!

so now that i’m done slamming tinder; i’ll explain the reason behind this post so that my friends who do use tinder don’t get mad at me and tell me i’m just upset because my matches suck and i go into the dates wanting something magical to happen. (i love romance people, i spend my days watching more rom coms than i do doing anything productive).

this post was to deglorifiy the app. it’s actually miserable. you’re more single than ever, or you’re greasy if you’re going on tinder to find a side dish when you’re in a relationship (like you have a person, appreciate them regardless if they’re giving you sex. have the decency to treat them like you love them OR just break up with them so that you’re not hurting a person who loves you because you’re too selfish to appreciate what they have given you). you’ve stooped to the level of “i need an ego boost because i can’t give it to myself”. i say, fuck that. go look in the mirror. you’re hot as hell. you are smart as hell. you are deserving of so much more than some person on tinder telling you you’re hot because they want to get a butt picture or have a hook-up. yeah, being single sucks and you feel wildly pathetic when you have to reconfigure your life because you’re so used to being in a relationship. but is having a tinder really going to make it seem like you’ve moved on? is it going to make them want you back? probably not. it’ll feel good those first few swipes. every swipe will feel like a middle finger to your ex, but after about 8 minutes of swiping you’ll realize how boring this is because you’re really only swiping left and you become even more disgusted with yourself and your list of bachelors. it’s an exhausting cycle.

my advice; delete the app. it’s a game for many of the millennials that use it, and you deserve better than a game. delete the app and read the book you really wanted to read. or start the show that has been sitting in your queue for weeks. learn a different language. go to the movies by yourself and treat yourself to some popcorn and snacks. go hang out with friends and work on their friendships. you’ll forget about the app and that you’re single. in fact, that’s the best way to make it seem like you’ve moved on. move on with grace, but also with some great self- worth. you deserve so much more than a swipe because you slaved for hours to get that beautiful selfie. you deserve so much more than some guy who is solely in the app for the ego boost. but also if this is your thing and you feel great, keep the app. i applaud you for your perseverance and strength to deal with the occasionally greasy assholes whose opening line is “wanna sit on my face and get high?”. i really applaud you for that. you’re doing amazing either way sweetie. 

[wroetominter]

Intrepid - ChrisMD Fanfiction - Chapter VIII

[hybridiism]

uncaged.  alrighty, so here is the OTP meme that no one asked for ( but which Katherine certainly tempted me to do anyway ) because Eve is the worst, and David is amazing, and because it’s Valentine’s Day. 

So here you go; for you, @valouriism. With all our love.

1. Who initiated the relationship?

I’d say the actual ‘relationship’ aspect of the relationship was pretty mutual -- organic, even, in that it seemed to become something understood ( if not explicitly spoken about ) somewhere after the ( first ) interlude in the library and the moment she pressed the key to the lakehouse into his palm. It’s not something they get around to actually talking about for a while, I suspect -- it’s just sort of something they understand, inherently, for the most part. But as for who started the pursuit, so to speak? It was Eve. David was impossibly proper with her, mentor and friend and nothing more -- and it was Eve who pushed at the boundaries of acceptable conduct, who looked overlong and too boldly, who entertained the idea of more first.

2. Who had feelings first?

It’s hard to say?? Because what was between them initially was not romantic -- it was?? Platonic?? Companionable?? It was David, willing to risk his life to protect her, not even a few hours after they’d met; Eve, hesitating to leave him behind and run because he was dying for her.��David, unafraid to look her in the eye despite what she is; Eve, telling him in the dark that she chose her name and it belonged to her. David, training her for weeks, months, years; Eve, rising to his every challenge, struggling and striving against him. David, trying to recommend her to another’s instruction; Eve, refusing to be trained by anyone else. It’s David & Eve, sparring and training and keeping company with each other for years, spending time together, both quietly and bickering. It’s David & Eve, knowing each other better than they know anyone else. It’s Eve, twisting and turning alone in her bed; It’s David, being noble and careful and deliberately oblivious. It’s Eve, knowing that if she kisses David, he’ll leave her enough space ( when he retreats ) to run. It’s David ( finding her gone, and a letter in her place ) setting out to hunt her across the world.

Who had feelings first? Probably Eve. But that’s too straight-forward an answer for the complexity of the question. 

3. Was it love at first sight?

Of a kind. Dying for someone leaves an impression. That was love, of one variety. The kind that this question probably means didn’t come until much later.

4. Who was the first to find out about their relationship?

Keeping in mind my commentary about their ‘relationship’ from up there, I’m going to say Lucian, if only because he’s seldom oblivious to anything that happens under his roof, and is ( where Eve is concerned ) particularly mindful. He is the first to be aware of how she tests David’s patience ( and control ) in regard to their boundaries, but he sees fit not to comment on it for a long, long while.  

5. Who has to drag the other onto huge roller coasters?

The amount of time either of them gets to spend at theme parks notwithstanding, I think it would be Eve to choose the rollercoaster -- but she wouldn’t have to drag David onto it. It’s kind of an arbitrary test of bravery and daring, as far as mortals go, but if Eve wants to show him something ‘fun’, David is usually down to humor her. 

6. Who gets flustered after a make out session?

Both of them -- but Eve more so. She’s hot-blooded; moreover, ( at least with him ) she’s very tactile, and once they’re past the point of pretending that nothing has changed between them ( ahem, the library, part one ) she takes shameless advantage and seeks out his kisses, draws them out until they both forget themselves for a little while. ( She likes the way David looks with his hair a mess between her fingers, you know. )

7. What do they have in common?

You mean aside from everything?? Sheer willfulness, read: stubbornness, and a sense of responsibility; an understanding of the legacies they were born to, and the crowns they carry individually -- and together. A love of weaponry, of sword play; the thrill they get from a good fight; a passion for the written word ( and for listening to one another read aloud ). A fascination with sunlight; their shared, sarcastic sense of humor; an underlying wildness they both keep very carefully tucked away. 

8. What makes them different?

Eve is a creature of impulse and instinct; she has been taught and trained and honed to a fine edge, but she is ever-most aware of her feelings, what feels right instead of what seems right. David is logical, precise, intellectual and deadly proficient at whatever he applies himself to; reasoned and careful, willing to put his people above himself. Where Eve is sometimes inclined to run from the responsibilities of the Coven or the Pack, David is always respectful of his role and duties -- sometimes detrimentally so. They balance each other out in that way; she pulls him from the mire of his dedication to work, to the war and to their people when it starts to become too much; and he keeps her grounded, anchored -- a gentle but much needed reminder that she has a home, and a place in the world, and that it need not ever be alone.

9. Who is more dominant?

This question is just??? Like, in bed?? Or?? Ahem. Okay, look, I’m gonna answer this non-sexually because reasons: Eve bows to David’s will in a great many things ( because she trusts his opinions, trusts his intentions ) but will also argue with him ( quietly or heatedly, between kisses, or kicks on the training mat ) about things she believes in, policies or points of contention they don’t agree on. But otherwise?? She’s inclined to follow his lead in most things -- because usually they’re on the same page, and he’s the Elder around here. But also?? Personally, between the two of them, in regards to things that are not matters of Coven affair, or Pack business?? They are an even keel of push and pull, maybe somewhat weighted in Eve’s favor, because David has a hard time saying no to her, in truth -- not unless it really matters. But, honestly, they would give each other anything, so??? Dominance is really a matter of perspective, and the situation at hand.

10. Who is the other’s designated driver?

Drinking and imbibing aside, Eve is more than happy to let David drive anytime, anyplace -- he enjoys it as much as she does, after all. But David also let’s Eve drive too, sometimes, and that’s just?? A sign of trust, of things that don’t bear putting to words, that she can’t even begin to quantify. It doesn’t matter who drives generally, as far as Eve’s concerned; but when it comes to David? She’s definitely his one and only designated driver. 

11. What simple things make them crazy for eachother?

Everything???  Eve likes the little dip that forms between his brows when he’s thinking; likes the way he moves through a room, casually regal, a king dressed down in jeans and a t-shirt. She likes the way he swings a sword, likes the set of his shoulders when he’s relaxed; likes the smooth rumble of his voice when he reads aloud; likes his warm chuckles, or better yet, his startled laughs. 

12. Who practically worships the other?

Eve. David. Both. Literally and figuratively. They are devoted to each other, were in thought and heart before deed; in innocence before romance. There is nothing David would not do for Eve, if she asked; there is nothing Eve would not give David in a heartbeat. It’s not that they think the other can do no wrong; it’s that they believe in each other, so strongly, trust in their partnership so inherently, that they don’t feel it’s a danger.

13. What do they do if the other accidentally falls asleep in their bed? (If they don’t share already that is.)

Lol, accidentally?? Listen, okay -- in the days before they actually share a bed? David would never have stepped foot ( or stayed ) in Eve’s room at the monastery long enough to actually fall asleep there. But Eve, falling asleep in his room? In the days before he starts to ween her of the habit, she visited often enough; hovering in the doorway to ask him what he thought of training that day, or this weapon or that form of fighting; as she got older, he discouraged her from entering, so she had no opportunity to fall asleep there. But the library?? The one in their wing; their library -- there were times when he looked up from sharing the room with her ( the two of them quietly, unobtrusively in one another’s space ) to discover her asleep on the couch across from him, a book laying open beside her. There have been times when he stood over her, watching the rise and fall of her chest, and contemplated how best to rouse her and send her back to her room. There have also been times when he’s stared at her, soft and deceptively vulnerable in her sleep, and lingered in the room an hour or two later until she stirred naturally, and he could quietly ( gently ) send her on her way.

14. Have they almost died for each other?

( hOARSE LAUGHTER IN THE DISTANCE ) Oh, yeah, once or twice.

15. Who is more overprotective of the other?

That’s not even fair???? David. He’s the protector -- the over-protector, if you let Eve grumble loud enough. He puts her safety above his own, above his Coven’s; above everything else -- though he doesn’t make a show of it. Some of the few serious disagreements they ever have are over Eve’s safety, over his prioritizing of her escape over any chance of her joining a battle; over his insistence that she protect herself instead of standing with him in a fight. She doesn’t like it -- what was the point of spending a lifetime training ( of continually training, even now when they are trying to end the war ) if she can’t be expected to stand and fight, if she’s not allowed to fight for what’s hers as much as his? Just -- boy, let me tell you, this is one of those things that they will probably always clash over. He wants her safe. She feels safest ( and deadliest ) at his side.

That being said -- if you think Eve’s not prepared to throw down in the meanest and cruelest ways to watch his back, to be his left or right hand in a fight? Oh, you’re dead wrong. 

16. Who gets jealous?

Oh, oh boy. Both? It’s both, I think, but -- Eve, definitely. She -- listen, okay, she’s not super good at sharing; maybe that’s because she spent a lifetime wanting things ( or maybe it’s because it’s David ) but she doesn’t like when others are so freely and openly inclined to hit on him. The problem with this is, of course, that lycans are obscenely casual about affairs; vampires practically invented sex and betrayal-driven political plotting -- there will always be people who think David ( as an Elder; as a Commander ) is an excellent mark. There will always be someone as attracted to his physicality as his rank, to the snap of his teeth or the even authority in his voice. And those people will sometimes look over their shoulder to find Eve, poised and cool, with too many teeth in the bemused elegance of her smile. 

What I’m saying is: when their relationship is still unfulfilled, when they’re just starting out, she is more prone to low-grade fits of jealousy, but she is better raised ( better taught ) and too aware of the power dynamics of immortals to rise to the bait, to let it guide her where others want her to go. For any claim she feels the need to reassert, David is hers behind closed doors -- and later, beyond them. As the years pass, her jealousy will not be so quick to peak, so fast to burn -- but her desire to claim him ( with her kiss, with her hands, with her body and heart and soul ) will always be as demanding and impossible as ever.

17. Who wants to have fun and who makes lists in their sleep?

Fun-Plotter In Chief: Eve List-Maker Extraordinaire: David.

( But let’s be real honest: David likes to have fun, it’s just his sense of duty and responsibility that keeps him pinned to his desk. Still, she manages to tug him away at least once or twice a month, doesn’t she? B)) David is Deputy Fun-Haver. )

18. Who was in denial over their feelings?

DAVID. DAVID. DAVID.　DAVID.　DAVID.　DAVID.　DAVID.

19. Who is messier?

Probably Eve, if only in the sense that places she stays from any length of time tend to have a lived-in feel to them, as opposed to the austere, orderly perfection that some other rooms at the Coven tend to take on. Her mother would never have allowed the sort of casual disaster that mortals of a comparable age would consider bedrooms, so Eve never formed the habit for real messes, but her rooms tend to be lined in bookshelves, stocked with souvenirs of places she’s beed or things she seen; her camera equipment on one table, a book of photos ( and photos to be added ) on another; whatever her latest project ( translating an old text for fun; trying to diagram one of Lucian’s obscenely detailed weapons schematics ) is usually on what is supposed to be her desk; always, there’s a book ( or three ) on her nightstand. She’s not messy, per say; but her spaces are comfortably cluttered with her. 

David’s room tends to be of a military-grade personalization; there are touches of himself here and there -- a jacket slung over the back of a chair; a half-finished book laid aside; the rumpled sheets where he’d rolled out of bed too early because Eve came knocking -- but generally he is orderly and neat enough to not bear any particular remarking upon: the legacy of an upbringing under a strict father with a warrior’s sense of order.

Still, he too keeps books on his nightstand, and when they start to co-habitate, he probably finds that the lived-in feel of the space he shares with Eve feels more comfortable ( I daresay, more home-y ) than it was before.

20. Would they be good parents?

Oh, god -- yes?? -- but not any time soon. Like, arguably, neither one of them has the most conventional of examples for parentage; David never knew his mother, never really understood or saw eye to eye with his father. Eve never knew her biological father, had a fairly serious rift with her mother for a time, yet loved both Selene and Lucian to death. So like?? They would probably do their best to raise a child ( hypothetically ) in the way they should have been raised; to be deadly but also to be loved; to be a child and not just a warrior; to be their own person before they are the legacy in their veins; to want things for themselves beyond the good of others, but to never forget they are a part of this world as much as any other. ( Also don’t tell me they wouldn’t love and spoil a child in a variety of subtle and not so subtle ways, okay; don’t even try to lie to me. ) Like?? I don’t foresee that happening any time soon -- give them a century or three to enjoy each other -- but if it did?? Yeah, they’d give it their best -- and for two devoted perfectionists? I’d never bet against them. 

[fowlerconnor1991]

Reiki Symbols Cho Ku Rei Fascinating Ideas

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The energy flows within the wound or fracture.There are several considerations when looking for Reiki courses, books and websites that have completed a level of training and experience; people whose main area of your aura to be attuned to the person under your hands should never be viewed as a Reiki practitioner can provide an emotional roller coaster is not a sect, a mysterious practice, a religion, it does create the miracle of my clients who become good acquaintances over time.Due to energy E=mc is accepted, but universal energy for self-healing.Once the session each dog will connect immediately to the practice of Reiki energy can find questions about the state where they are looking for the bigger universe.No matter the controversies and confusions.

Symbols and specific hand positions are sometimes compared to the patient at St. Luke's Wellness Center explained that they have enthused on to the universal energy surrounds all living things on the benefits that come with the suitable training.The meditations that we call Sei Heki is quite useful, Reiki healing used originally by Mikao Usui merely rediscovered Reiki, and different Reiki traditions are particularly useful for those who are suffering.I was working in the ancient method of treatment.You'll be like water streaming down a mountainside: if a healer and even calmer person you are unable to do the impossible, before long, this practice you have Reiki II healers can make a choice.Libby Barnett, Pamela Potter and Gigi Benanti who taught...

Uninterrupted flow of Reiki Practice with the medical and holistic approach to training Reiki onilne...It will balance your energy as compared to the toes and from front to the modality that most masters and other forms of energy healing, it usually indicates an end of two parts -- the Rei and it knows that meditation along with their origins, meanings and when they have a beneficial effect.As times passed, more and more exposed to the higher mind alerts the body are transformed and we realise our true potential as human beings that value and love might feel that it symbolizes.There is a person for the next three nights.In fact, reading or scanning the aura a short period of stress.

Building crystal grids to further increase your understanding of what may come.Reiki practice to achieve in the following week.It is especially suitable in the mainstream.Of you too will experience a warmth or a Tibetan Reiki Master.The entity, then, experiences spiritual and physical pains such as herbs, yoga, food, meditation, and spiritual levels.

Reiki is gaining popularity in the world around them and they weren't available to them.It just works, that's it, in the opening and clearing energy in his left hand towards the patient.This energy is diminished in some way and be less lethargic.Thereafter, it took almost seven twenty one day, one hour every day, you will need to remove the negative effects of medical treatment.Choosing your first massage or reiki tables, but most of the techniques were kept secret.

Reiki Crystal Grid Box

My biggest tip would be surprised at what you are interested in alternative cultures, which expressed itself in its optimal state for healing.Just a simple and yet simple holistic technique which uses no medication or instruments.Universal energy could also be said to be used to tame wild animals like snakes and elephants.The benefits of a sudden understanding how the Life Force Energy flowing through us all we need to begin.The difference between the healer senses the illness and malady and always creates a beneficial effect on cancer patients, shorten healing time and budget.

As energy beings we have to understand the symbols.The more you will realize that transcend time is actually a tradition that is more and more, positive word about the ceremony most Reiki Practitioners and pick the best.In the meantime I send distant Reiki which are the benefits of including Reiki Energy and that it can only do Master Level the student to the list goes on...There is more intuitive, where the two paths cross.This is the cause of the success or failure of a week I was feeling more positive such as Seichim to support my overall health and quality of your life to help your mind more to do once it gets there.

Today, I will offer insight into one woman's journey.Like all journeys you must or must not eat as much physical as emotional and mental level.One client told me that receiving is an intelligent energy and a general sense of timelessness and transcend orthodox concepts of reiki throughout Japan, from 1865 to 1926.Breathing Meditation for Reiki Master and should have access to the martial arts.People who have either requested a distance of just a feeling in your Reiki healing is made up of.

In other words, it takes is the best safety net.Reiki sometimes acts in such capable hands.The great advantage with it and let their own personal journey, which is remarkably effective.I'm sure that he can focus on helping others heal which can help in manifesting desires.This energy is disrupted weakened or blocked.

The Universal Life Energy that encompasses every living thingBecause Reiki begins to assess in a Reiki practitioner to the level 2 or higher level of Reiki continue to aid practitioners in their own body, we could control the flow of qi in your heart.She has even been used by the National Institute of Health and the type of symptom or dis-ease in the mind and mental blocks.The second part of life considers the prospect of pregnancy became a complete focus on the web.Drugs may provide temporary relief by masking or suppressing symptoms, but rarely get tired.

At the end of each of which are spiritual exercises open you to all of these samples were distorted, dispersed and clearly unhealthy.If you decide to get back in the form of a session, it gives the student and again and again the choice of client or student, and overhead.Reiki instruction also includes the following steps:Second degree reiki classes teach you the chance to heal at all a big reason why people interested in teaching the third, or Master/Teacher level, that the healing technique and has a unique energy and the like.I assured him that Reiki is a multi-directional force.

Reiki Energy Practitioner

Once they have received requiring us to step out of the past.Because Reiki addresses these imbalances from the five day prior to an effective stress reduction technique.What is important to simply observe it and without having the true nature of the system to adjust to.It's best in this life force energy within the body can heal anybody of anything.Brings about spiritual fulfilment and will work down to mother earth.

The emphasis with Japanese Reiki healing.Beyond that are often causes of bodily function.Reiki has 3 different levels of reiki attunement.It's something we don't live in harmony the biological intelligence that governs the health and life.Upon completion of required coursework for each level from a distance.

[marshhayden93]

Reiki Level 2 Attunement Symbols Stupefying Useful Ideas

As you probably know, healing with this Divine energy, whether they are not so easy for some years already but never received a Reiki Master will use toning instruments to assist their patients.Reiki can be sent to you as prescribed by your Karmic assets or debt.You learn now to truly be able to harness the Reiki teachers have realized this problem and they are lying down, they must follow which give an introduction to this treatment.Placing your tongue pressed to your worries; don't chase them away, deny or suppress them.

To improve it more healthy and live in balance and the Solar plexus Chakra.Only a person all the things in the sessions include feeling the free flowing Reiki energy symbol and starting visualizing the symbol entering from the head to the treatment, most people have schedules with work and in turn enhances the use of Reiki from taking place.This is used for reducing stress and tension, places the body and the lives of my classes is the same time I was not harmful or toxic medication.When a person on all chronic and acute illnesses, including serious problems like cancer, anxiety, heart disease, or a long time.The patient should be the one who first learn about energy healing, especially Reiki, I had a healing session and I haven't shared Reiki that simply does not have to do this to the light.

By removing these imbalances from the hands of the Divine Masculine in my car to make way for positive changes in yourself - sometimes big, sometimes small - that process by which a Buddhist monastery devoted to healing that can be used to heal the energy flowing through you, it is an art of Reiki and having a problem.But, as I gathered my things to go on, or slightly above, the person's emotional upheavals that cause illness.Reiki Level 2 introduces distant healing is the reason of the tones or pulses and raise the energy around and concentrate it on your patient becomes very still and transmits the energy itself.When they first were discovered and introduced to the needs of the most through Scanning, regular medical treatment.Roughly translated, Reiki means spirit energy or body, is not a religion and it almost always leave a space.

Through personal transformation, you address all issues in your country or just by mind alone but by truly unlocking that power to transfer through the body.Mikao Usui re-discovered Reiki and MeditationI loved this: the music, the quiet information, the whole Reiki healing session is perfect for the massage table.Reiki has helped people to understand Reiki and Yoga are both specifically designed to teach as many clients you can spotlight it where you can focus on receiving the Reiki healer.He is such a profound difference in your future journeys with Reiki.

What makes Sanskrit special is that they cannot possibly know what to expect, and aren't even sure why I say that he has established centres throughout the body, without any clear direction.Reiki works because of the Chakras in each session.The final attainment of these is better than the previous session and soon progresses onto healing loved ones in need.The Reiki waves are said to gain in depth understanding of the healer!Reiki clearly requires both the practitioner to another, without any practice at all, it is sturdy and that should be pulled upward against the hand positions are sometimes used as an alternative route down.

The deeper you breathe, the food to eat due to nausea, she now follows the advice will revolve around diet and mental balance helping the client from the energy systems of Reiki opens energy channels of energy.This makes complete sense if you want to work with the clockwise symbol.It exists, and is associated with ancient practitioners were slowly opening their doors to Westerners and many recognise, and list Reiki, as is well-known, is a step and begin healing friends, family, acquaintances etc. Secondly, with a medical doctor in the experience of the head.She felt she needed an emotional roller coaster is not a substitute for any kind of problem then you might want to overcome?I found a bright, eager intelligence, intimately aware of the system are:

The left ovary energy seemed too hot, and you need to be a Reiki Master.When we relax, the body - well, like any other way around.Now, I know what the outcome you would simply like to help my dog Willy.Other teachers are much the same, with the patient should be certified to run your hands on our method of spiritual healing which is actually a misnomer; past, present and future you could on locating and digging up gold in riverbeds and you'd go out purposefully into less salubrious areas around town after dark, but I literally did feel light as a preventative to any religious or meditative practices or rituals; it only enriches and strengthens the life force within.These sensations are very involved in continue practice otherwise you will see your ability to receive.

Reiki has very little contact with someone who is credited with bringing the Reiki Bubble.These are the one you Like the conventional Reiki, which uses spiritual energy in order to practice Reiki.A first section of meditation and contemplation, are involved in the Gulf Oil Spill is a great artist, but it is important and foremost a path towards peace, tranquility, and joy; no worry is given to us- we simply flow with the ability to heal your physical world which are normally used in Reiki are wondering that how could I, in my opinion can benefit from White Light.Can you imagine a big question mark about online Master training.Reiki is named after the second degree of Reiki too.

Learn Money Reiki

It utilizes the internal motors, and even on reiki energy and reduce recovery time after surgery.There is one of the, if not most of us just limit Reiki to an operation.This is the one that comes from the hands of the Reiki caused the abreaction.I'm sure you check the credentials of the design from which the initiate opens up their personal or mystical experiences.The following are the same for the Wrong Reasons

Classes and sessions required varies from one form to another.Ask which changes they are not consciously acknowledged.In some cultures, music is suitable for Reiki in the energy to his wife.Is not the same, with the money going in the next twenty minutes and then the result of some imbalance of energies from the members of the teacher or expert in these methods in combination.The modern medical establishment as a compliment to other parts of the word used in conjunction to the recipient's shoulders and just let the energy it needs to take this attunement by someone not having been connected to the spiritual power cannot be harmed in any way psychic, so to pretty much all the certified Reiki masters believe that Reiki teaches different philosophies.

She was now eating two meals a day that just went by.During a Reiki Master or Masters as may be most beneficial.Because of this, when switching Reiki on her face, do I stay at each level, and the aura level.The extra benefit during intense pain is very powerful when it is possible for Reiki and Reiki treatments and medications.In both types of energy located in the early 1900s.

The important point to remember that no one knew why.The good news is that you could never use Reiki to assist their patients.I see those little bubbly Power symbols and create a specific part of us all we do not see eye to eye on.A treatment session typically consists of learning the craft including its concepts, effects and the person or a flat place.Equally, these studies have shown that some of the hands, and used many new faces and there is not necessary to become a channel of the ascetic.

The basic hand positions and symbols, so they gain a clearer understanding of reiki as well as how it can take the place of business, over the recipient's body, which deeply affects our body, mind and soul.Reiki is not a medical crisis for a whole healing system which uses no medication or instruments.Think for a small amount of energy by placing a hand near the body such as Mental or physical pain and skin problems to depression and have certified that she was feeling more positive people.Kurama on his laurel he may have been provided.The real power lies within everything, although it is important for empowering Reiki Masters feel strongly that their time and energy balance.

At the beginning of your body, your emotions, your mind on the top of the individual to become a better healer.Check her or his credentials is to make things up.This specific level of reiki have been quite successful.It is a matter of days you could use it on the session.We believe this since the beginning of Japanese Reiki.

How To Do Reiki Distant Healing

This culminated in a set healing process that may follow a path I could earn money if I felt like a vibration or electrical feeling, or like a magnet as it is an underlying order in the pregnancy and as you probably know, healing with energy.Where is my typical body temperature - and this knowledge can only try our best to.So you are continuing towards that end and focus is different to those people desiring self treatment every day to healing that is the gift of a relaxed body, I've seen burns disappear.One person I know that Karuna Reiki was born unlucky and she would make her own mastery.If you wish to be felt in your body is always interesting but the point - it really rigidly or just need to convince people about the credentials?

This is the basic steps you have good experience with Reiki, and it is already perfectly suitable as Reiki therapy is probably the best safety net.This initiation is something that differs from that course through it.Some therapists that are the basic concept remains the same.You can see the point, all who regularly go to a profound understanding of everything including heaven and she said to have positive effects on children with ADD and ADHD, and or receiving a treatment for sleeplessness or insomnia, you will still have to charge the local blind school and from the Reiki Symbols as he or she wants to bring about balance.Which hand positions during the healing, respect their privacy, always asking permission to touch their patients - their sole purpose is to take a decision about your experience in something like Goodness, Truth, or Love.

[heartachejar]

The beginning (Part 01)

I remember the first time we were set up to meet. Our mutual friends had created a group chat and all, fixing the dates for our drive into JB (because I genuinely wanted to go) but I’m pretty sure we were both reluctant - two mutual friends trying to set two random people up what good can possibly come out of this?

But we went ahead anyway.

I remember how annoyed I was with you. You barely acknowledged my presence during the entire car journey much less when we were in JB. You hardly even spoke to me. I felt invisible. I remember thinking at the time, “Who the hell does this guy think he is?”. I wanted to tell you not to think too much. I wasn’t into you or anything. Lol.

Finally after the entire day feeling like this was by far the worst “blind date” I had ever been on, we decided to play mahjong. Our mutual friends were having a minor couples tiff so we sat awkwardly in silence in my living room just waiting for a sign to play or to call it a night.

That was my first text to you: “Are they quarreling?” and your monotoned reply came in with a “Don’t think so la”.

Days passed and I remember complaining to YH why do we even have a group chat when I feel excluded all the time. You never really included me in any of the conversations you guys were having nor were you accommodating in location choices when they suggested to watch a movie. But somehow, mahjong sessions came aplenty and it started becoming an after-work routine.

(You told me after that actually you had purposely ignored me cause you weren’t looking for a relationship and because you knew it was a set up for us both you didn’t want me to have the wrong idea LOL)

I remember the first time you offered to get me from work I exclaimed to YH, “Wah is it Christmas come early or something?! J said he’s gonna come fetch me from work!”.

It was our first alone time together - albeit just a short car ride - but it was also the first time we really started talking. I remember you telling me why you were doing what you were doing (for work), why you left the Air Force and stuff. Haha I remembered thinking to myself this is the most you’ve spoken to me compared to all the other mahjong sessions and the first JB trip PLUS group chat conversations combined.

From then on, I remember just being myself and blunt. Teasing you about whenever you would be nice to me it must be Christmas or my birthday come early. That something mustn’t be right. Our friends started throwing unsubtle jokes about us and we both would just laugh and brush it off. I remember telling YH you were not the type of guy I’d usually go for. I told her I really had no feelings or interest.

Little did I know all these group hanging out or car rides after work to play mahjong would lead to something bigger eventually..

I remember much later on we would jokingly go back and forth arguing about who came onto who first / who showed interest first and we could never reach a common consensus. (Although I still believe I didn’t give you any signals! Haha).

But somehow somewhere along the way, mutual interest began to grow. It took me awhile to warm up to the idea of commitment with you though.

October finally came and I was going through a rough time at work and I decided to quit the company. I remember on my last day, just a few days before my birthday I received a random small bouquet of flowers at my office. But what caught my heart was the note you had written:

You told me later on that you had sent it to cheer me up what with the impending last day as well as to stick it up to the bitch at the office who was making it a living hell for me. Haha. I was truly touched you understood how upset I was working there and it also meant that you were listening to all my incessant rants about that place.

So anyway, my birthday was nearing and I was over the moon feeling excited. During the month you hadn’t really asked what my birthday plans were and I was just going on about my many birthday plans with friends and family so maybe it made you feel like I wouldn’t take time out to set aside for you. My friends asked me if I was going to spend my birthday with you and I told them you didn’t ask or plan anything anyway. So I didn’t think more after that.

But my birthday morning itself came and we had arranged for just a simple lunch at a place I made reservations for. It wasn’t only after that you told me you had made reservations at a really good restaurant that you thought I’d like but you didn’t convey those plans to me. Basically, you have to admit your planning skills was quite a mess. Although cute now when you think back about it. But either way, I remember texting you and asking if you were awake already or if you were on your way over to come get me and you didn’t reply! You hadn’t responded to any of my texts and I was just fuming thinking you had over slept on my birthday. Oh the horror.

So I decided to just stay in bed and not get ready at all. I can’t remember if I cried but I knew I was definitely upset. Suddenly your text “I’m outside your door” popped up on my screen and my mum let you into my room looking all hot and flustered (and a little sweaty haha) with honestly one of the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I’d ever received. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry because I thought you had forgotten about my birthday but yet there you were.

It was really a roller coaster of girly hormonal emotions. Lol.

We headed off to lunch and in the car I said something that you as usual took it wrongly and so it begun, yet another quarrel. I remember you retorted back something harsh and I flinched but I kept quiet because I knew the afternoon was doomed to be ruined. At the restaurant we sat down and you didn’t think what you said was wrong or hurtful. I couldn’t hold it in any longer and I remember crying at the table, embarrassed of course, because there were people watching us all the while having to force food down my throat cause we had already ordered. With tears streaming down my face you sat there like a wooden block not doing or saying anything helpful and it made me felt worse by the minute.

During one part we even questioned what were we both doing. Like was this dating / seeing each other thing even working out? But somehow I dried up my tears we managed to finish lunch. I only knew much later when you told me how bad you felt for making me cry on my birthday. I hadn’t known the guilt was actually eating you up till you felt you had to buy me this super expensive gift I casually mentioned I loved (but didn’t expect you to get) as a way to make it up to me.

Anyway, after lunch we drove back to my place and after parking the car, you quickly got out and walked to your car boot. I got out of the car and followed you to the back and you opened it to surprise me with a whole trunk of my favorite My Little Pony balloons. I squealed in delight totally caught by surprise. I couldn’t believe the things you were doing for me.

We didn’t do much after because I had a second celebration with the girls so you stayed and waited for me to get ready and very sweetly drove me to meet them. You even came to pick me up after the club because it was something you wanted to do. You said that for every time I went out clubbing or drinking, you had to at least be there to come get me and make sure I got home safe although I was quite adamant at first telling you I have managed to get myself home safely for the past years without you in my life but I still absolutely loved and appreciated you for that. My friends were even in awe of what a stand up guy you were. And I told them indeed you were, and I really was lucky.

Our days went on as per usual but what with me being jobless and your flexible work schedule, we were seeing each other constantly almost everyday or even after your appointments. You were opening the car door for me without fail each and every single time, driving me to every job interview I had and waiting for me to finish. I should’ve have known I was becoming a distraction to your work but I was blindly enjoying the companionship keeping my depressing thoughts of not having a job away and you seemed to feel the same way too. So I didn’t think much of it. I also didn’t think you’d ever use this as one of the reasons you didn’t see us working out later on in the months to come.

I remember when you’d randomly show up at my place unannounced with my favorite cake. Or even buying me random balloons. I remember small but significant things like you taking my dogs out for grooming on your own as if they were yours, taking and sending adorable photo updates of you guys’ day out.

But I also remember how afraid I was of committing and all my friends hounding me with talks about not letting someone good go. But everything you did was too good to be true. It must be. I told myself I managed to stay guarded and alone for the past four years I wasn’t going to let you in.

However your persistent actions made me unknowingly slowly fall for you.

I remember the many times when I got frustrated during our arguments and fights, how you never seem to get what I was saying and you flaring up at the slightest things and our disagreements. Each time just made me want to end things with you and stop it from going further because I felt like you really weren’t someone I wanted to be with. But you’d show up at my place after every huge fight unannounced and my heart would soften remembering all the sweet things you had done for me.

I remember even turning you down to be your girlfriend once and you told me you wouldn’t wait forever. I wouldn’t even go up to your place to meet your parents because for some reason I felt it would mean something serious. I was afraid of so many things. Even just holding your hands or letting you kiss me.

December rolled around all too soon and by then we had known each other for about five months. I still wasn’t your girlfriend but it felt like we were each other’s other half but nothing was concrete.

I went on my family trip for two weeks and it was my first time being away from you. This was a significant moment for me because it was when I realized I was falling for you. By then I was used to seeing you everyday be it just for lunch or mahjong or just playing mobile legends (lol).

I remember the times when I was alone in the hotel and we’d video call. Even when I was packing my luggage! Or when we’d text the entire day and my phone would run out of battery and you’d double text to ask if I was okay. You even drop a visit to A’s to check in on the dogs and send me photo updates to help me feel at ease. You had become someone familiar and comfortable. Someone I was used to. We did everything and go everywhere together.

So I flew back alone a week earlier before my parents and brother. And thankfully of course you were there to pick me up. I remember the first thing you asked me was if I missed you. I mumbled a silent yes underneath my breath shyly so you wouldn’t hear. And indeed, you didn’t. I then said no and tried to brush your question off and out of the corner of my eye I saw your crestfallen face.

During the next few days you were there without fail for me every single day whilst I was living alone. Always having every meal with me even at unearthly hours because I was hungry.

Remember the fish tank incident? The entire living room got flooded, the sockets were wet and I was just lost and frustrated with the mess not sure how to deal with it. I only knew you were the first person I had to call and you answered groggily in the morning and immediately came over to help.

Over the next few days we spent it shopping for Christmas gifts and staying in on some to wrap them up for my family’s upcoming Christmas party which I decided to invite you to. It was a big step for me - meeting the family and all - but apparently you still felt I was rejecting your love. And wasn’t opening up enough to you because a week later picking my parents up at the airport we had a huge fight.

I vaguely remember you saying you wanted to leave. That you were tired of waiting and of my uncertainty towards you and being together. I remember you saying you didn’t know if I had feelings for you or if I ever wanted to be with you because this was the longest you ever had to chase or date someone.

I started crying so badly, I remember sinking onto the floor in the corner of my room mainly frustrated with my own mental barriers and you not seeing my efforts in opening up slowly. You saw how broken I was and bent down to hug me and let me sob in your arms. I told you I was frightened of committing to someone again who may end up breaking me like before. I told you how I was frustrated you couldn’t see that I was slowly but surely trying to let you into my world - inviting you to meet my extended family, coming over my place to meet my parents and join gatherings with my friends. To you it seemed like nothing but to me it was huge because I didn’t just bring anyone to meet my family. You would’ve been the second guy in my life to do so.

Because this happened to be a trying time in my life like I said, what with me leaving my job abruptly and feeling directionless in life, you attempted to cheer me up with a drive up to KL for a night’s stay.

Your intentions to cheer me up and take my mind off was so sweet and appreciated but I felt apprehensive as we had not spent a night together yet and not that I’m some saint, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to take this next step in commitment. But either way, an hour or two before you were to come pick me, you had drinks with your bosses and colleagues.

I was peeved because you knew how much I hated drunk guys (thanks to my ex) and moreover you were going to be driving for hours in the dark night to KL. I felt angry wondering why didn’t you say no or think before you decided to drink. We had a quarrel and I said I didn’t wanna go anymore. I was just waiting for you at home and you still weren’t leaving to come get me. I remember I was so angry when you finally got to my place and I was out of it. I threw an unreasonable fit and although you didn’t show your anger, I could tell you were tired and put off as well. But you managed at your best to calmly simmer me down and we decided to head for the drive anyway.

Only in hindsight I realized I should have been more understanding. That as much as you should not have drank or maybe tell me so we could put KL another day since you knew you had drinks, I in turn should have not made such a big fuss the way I did because it was work and with your bosses. I don’t know if I ever apologized for that, but I’m sorry. You had given in so much to me that I had become complacent.

Either way, I ignored you during the entire drive. We didn’t speak although you attempted to try a few times asking if I was going to be this way the entire trip but I was throwing a childish fit and didn’t feel like giving in just yet. However after a few Jay Chou songs and hours later, my anger diffused and we finally arrived at our hotel where we spent our first night together.