#I love making these posts to show certain details of my sona

[frozenhi-chews]

PANCAKE TEEF!!

Yeah time for another Pancake Design trivia thing fiejdkd. I think I talked about this before, but I didn't explain it well.

Pancake DOES NOT have individual separate teeth!! She has PLATES!! Serrated sharp plates. Think like, an ancient fish. They are sharp, but the points aren't supposed to be that big

They can also be different colors, and the only individual tooth she DOES have is the pink fake one. That one can stick out of her mouth. NONE of the others do. Also it's not the last tooth, typically the second to last. Sometimes I just run out of room-

So yeah!! No vampire fangs, no large teeth that poke out, none of them are individual (except the fake one). She just has plated teeth! And a second set behind the first one. I haven't drawn it yet-

[glitchyk]

how do you make so many aus

…I don’t know. I honestly just write random shit. Speaking of which, I need to update the AU post with the tiny beings au which I’ve talked about

Animatronics au - sorta like a Fnaf au, but instead the only people who possess animatronics are, well… sonas that didn’t start out as they are now. For example if someone started human in their Og Sona and became something else or vise versa, they’d be a soul in the robot, meanwhile if your Sona was made/born a way and didn’t change a lot biologically, they’d be an ai in the robot.

Instrumental au - everyone represents an instrument, there can obviously be more than one of a type, but, it’s an idea I had a while back along with my artsy au thing (where everyone represents an art style/form)

Gods au, ver 2 - Anyone who’s Sona is mortal, is a god, anyone who’s Sona is god like or immortal, is a mortal in this world, and if your Sona is a bit in between or started mortal and became immortal… well, they’re kinda a god, in a way… I basically did it since I tend to portray myself as a lesser power, so this AU is different since for once I’d actually be putting myself into a smaller group of power lol

Crossover au - basically everyone is from their own tv show, and our interactions are a funky crossover where they decided to fuse the shows together, everyone’s show is different and their the main character of it

Flower au - simple, kinda like the tree Sona and mushroom Sona things, they represent a flower or a kind of flower.

Hidden doors au - Certain people have access to doors, that others can’t see, which leads them to a world on their own, though these world can be intertwined.. that’s where these special creative people can meet one another.

Harry Potter au - hate the fucking creator or Harry Potter and all, but it’s funny to imagine us all in Hogwarts, or something like little witch academia maybe

Colorized au - everyone is born and or assigned with a color or color pallet, they can only gain more colors as time goes on.. maybe.

Blind love au - when you fall deeply in love with someone, if they don’t feel the same, or if you don’t know they feel the same/ or just don’t tell them how you feel, you start to lose sight. When you are in any form of an unhealthy relationship, you start to lose sight, you become blind in more ways than one. It can be fixed.. but you’d have to know how. And this can be for both platonic and romantic love, familial, any type.

Sweets au - Everyone represents a kind of sweet.

Tastes au - Everyone in a way, represents a different kind of taste in food, you know, spicy, sweet, savory, etc.

(Currently unnamed) - You cannot see others in detail until you meet, before you interact with the others in your world, you exist there, everyone looks the same, you cannot communicate with them, only see a simple base gray format, once you make friends with them or get to know them, you see them in detail. It’s a world of magic and mystery… and to make friends with someone officially to the point where you can both see each other in detail, since this is a mutual agreement, is to give them something only you can collect, or that has to do with you specially, like a comet shard, comets fall sometimes, they can be found in pieces around the world, when you collect one, it changes the piece of it in a way, a way that’s specific to you as an individual. You trade a bit of yourself with this person as do they, so you can both get to know one another.

Big business/celebrities au - You can range from a pop star, to a big boss kind of person, someone in extremely high status, since I found it interesting, you could be a singer, a leader for a company, etc, since it’s interesting to think of any of us leading somethings important and being celebrity’s in a way.

Just some I remembered/made recently and have to remember to add to the overall post of random aus

(First one) (Second one)

[cog-go-boom]

[INTRO POST]

sup y'all gamers alike - i'm FROSTBITE THE BAT and this is my blog!! thought i'd make one to spare some time n all LOL. you can ask me things, and i KNOW you want to !! (can't help but want to, considering my sheer amount of swag)

so ask away, i will happily answer. fair warning though: if you're annoying i will bite you, if you're mollymawk i will bite you, if you're graham i will bite you. brian DNI i know where you live

to the LESS INFORMED about who I AM lemme introduce myself real quick. SO, AGAIN, i'm FROSTBITE THE BAT but you my friends can call me the creature that haunts the corner of your eyes. I LOVE EXPLOSIVES. COG GO BOOM. COG GO BOOM. COG GO B

you may see me around sellbot hq. i chill there with cathal and spam usually - but to the cooler ones of you, you might've seen me on high roller's high roller. like the WHOLE ASS co-host. i'm cool like that. and to the LAST group of people who may recognize me - i'm the guy behind the desk at pace place. always working hard so deserving of a raise (wink wink nudge nudge pace please i want a raise) (playing flash games takes energy dude give me a raise i will explode)

[[OOC:]] Hi! This is the ask / RP blog for Frostbite The Bat, my TTCC sona! If you want to talk to me, and not the character, speak to me at my Toontown blog (@cathalbravecog) or my main, (@frostbite-the-bat).

Frostbite will reblog art from me and fanart from others, and other things they may like and want to reblog - so you may see some of that! This is not only an askblog for them - this is THEIR blog.

Also, Frostbite will not go out of their way to interact with somebody unless I know the person behind it personally. You always must interact with them first! This is because, as stated on my Toon blog, I don't go out of my way to interact with people first in general. So you won't see them initiating conversations with other ask/RP blogs.

While staying close to canon - Frostbite still has their own "canon" tied to my and my friend's lores and other silly things around our Toons. Other people's Toons and THEIR relationships with other Toons and the Cogs will be mentioned, so that's a heads-up in-case Frostbite ever mentions, for example, Mole's relationship with Graham and Flint.

ALSO!!! Toontown is kid friendly, however this blog is not! Frostbite WILL swear A LOT and crude-ish jokes are not completely off the table. And btw, yes, Frostbite IS a cog. They're not the most consistent with if they want to hide that on this blog or not.

Rules are a subject to change!

Sillyness is encouraged! But please try and be respectful, don't bring personal things and discourse into this - RP stuff is okay! Frost has beef with other characters, some that goes deeper than it seems. But also keep in mind Frostbite can be a rather rude character.

Frost will reply with just text, reaction images, doodles, re-used pieces of art, and brand new pieces of art from time to time! Please do not ask them things in hopes of getting your response drawn. It depends on what I think is funny to reply with and if I'm in the mood to draw.

If I don't answer your ask, please don't spam it to me again. I either ignored it for a good reason - or I am working on a more detailed response!

Again, be respectful and mindful of boundaries I or Frostbite may set. As long as I don't make a statement, though, feel free to annoy them a little bit, it's funny. If a line's crossed I'll let 'ya know!

NEW RULE!! After some thought, magic anons are no longer allowed! You can still give things and throw pianos at Frost, but changes for a certain amount of asks are not allowed anymore - for my own well-being since this is for fun, and having M!A's makes me want to draw for every ask received, even when not needed.

ART REFS!!!

Regular outfit

HR Show fit (Anytime this is used, I'll use the [HR Show Fit] tag!

[your-fav-has-madd]

I don't remember following this blog, but I love it. if you do horror movie characters, how about Stu Macher from Scream? (tw for blood in some of the pictures if you look him up.) if not, then how about Arisa from bandori?

Lol felt that but thank u for the follow!

I love horror movies and would gladly do horror movie characters

I will do any source as long as it does not fall into two categories.

1. The characters are actually characters  and what I mean by that is i’m not going to do Internet personalities or anything that represents a real persons existence. My only exception to this rule is if the person in question has MaDD only because randomly diagnosing and making headcanons about real people with something I do not support.

But let’s say for example a creator makes a character and brings up that the character is inspired by them or they project onto them that’s fine because that’s different. If they are an actual character meant for the universe that is not meant to be a sona that’s fine by me

2. The media in question does not intentionally promote harmful things. Shows/movies/books with racist caricatures or franchises that romanticize abuse are not allowed.

However if a source does contain dark subjects like abuse and trauma and does not try to make these things seem appealing and is actually using it for the story rather than glorifying it that is fine by me I do not mind l dark fiction so long as the darkness is justified.

Another thing others may be wondering is about content that has been created by bad people, I do not want to create any discourse but I do believe in separating art from artist to a degree

In other words this all depends on the circumstance. I don’t want to go to much into detail with this sort of thing but if you have any questions regarding this feel free to DM me and if you’re curious whether or not I will do a certain source you’re free to ask at any time in my inbox or in my DM’s

I know I completely derailed this ask but I wanted to give more of a better explanation then what is in my pinned

Enough rambling tho, posted! And if u want the 2nd character done aswell lmk



[theraikouhotel]

Massive Headcanon Post

ALRIGHT I HAVE IDEAS!!! I think.... Headcanons below the damn cut because they’ll be separated into different series! God I hope this becomes a thing I do...

Please enjoy!! 

Fate

Raikou’s favourite time of day is dawn. She likes to see the sun coming up and the hope of a new day washes over her, making her look forward to another day of her being not insane as she believes she is. 

Shikibu secretly collects figures of the other Casters and sometimes makes them move with her magic, re-enacting something she sees in her head. She then writes out in her little diary, as if it was the most interesting thing ever when really...she made them kiss with her own figure she had gotten made.

Arturia also does baking on the side whenever she’s alone and she’s made sure that the cafeteria is empty. She’s been caught several times but they let her do her thing as she looked determined to get the recipes down. This is usually to thank everyone who has helped her, especially her master.

Tiamat likes to decorate mindlessly when she’s stressed. She’ll do it usually with Christmas decorations she has in her room, because she likes how fun they look. Sometimes it might be with Halloween ones. The Primordial Mother just likes decorating so much.

Europa sometimes might summon Talos and pet him to calm herself down. Having her bull close to her soothes her, especially when she sees things aren’t going as well. If she doesn’t have her bull, she’ll curl up and try to breathe but it doesn’t work sometimes.

Irisviel isn’t too fond of people badmouthing her children. Especially those she considers her own. She’ll kick the crap out of you so hard that you won’t even get up for the next week.

Black Clover

Asta hates it when people ask about his parents or drill into him that he should have died way too long ago. He’s never had any proper blood parents so he’ll say the Father at the church he was raised at is his dad. But when people say that doesn’t count, he won’t like it. He’ll also say that the belief in his comrades helped him live.

Noelle isn’t actually too close to the Mama Squad. She feels awkward around them. Or any sort of mother figure as she has no idea what to say. She’s also afraid of breaking down in front of them as it’s not becoming of a royal as she has drilled into her head. 

Vanessa only drinks to make sure the lonely thoughts don’t invade her mind. She hates feeling lonely and drinking helps alleviate it. But when she doesn’t, her mind starts playing on the fact that she’ll be alone forever and she just heads to bed, crying.

Bleach

Ichigo has nightmares about Yhwach from time to time. He always thinks about how he could have ended it a lot more quicker so that everyone could have lived. He always imagines several outcomes. But whenever he opens his eyes, he remembers those who have died in the War and it hurts him so much.

Orihime wishes she was as strong as Yoruichi. She has one of the strongest abilities yet she hates how indecisive she can be. She has kept to herself that her kind heart has hindered her so much, even with the amount of people telling her it’s her best trait and one that should be kept as there was enough hate in the world.

Yoruichi often feels like a failure. She has strongly felt this ever since Aizen and it continues to eat away at her even after the Thousand Year Blood War. 

Highschool DxD

Issei often feels like the girls that love him aren’t real. That he’s not really deserving of their love. He has these thoughts that plague his mind every other day that tell him that Rias is lying or that Raynare is actually still alive and is playing tricks on him.

Rias does her best to be there for everyone. But hates how her own duties stops her from doing that which instead makes her rely on Issei to see how everyone is. It’s not just as the alpha female in the harem, it’s as a friend to everyone.

Sona secretly enjoys dressing up with her sister, Serafall, as it reminds her that one day she may not be able to spend much time with her. So she never tells her to go away whenever Serafall is with her, rather she’ll just bear it and blush in embarrassment.

Date A Live

Kotori still enjoys the kids meals at the nearest restaurants as she loves how cute they are always made. She’ll always add it in with another order so she gets to indulge in how cute it is before devouring it.

Kurumi isn’t a big fan crowds. Whilst it does help her with her concealment, she feels her heart race whilst being within them. She has to take a moment in the shadows to get her heart to a more normal rate before going back in there again.

Love Live!

Umi is always the strict one. However, she almost always feels bad when she has to berate someone because in her own home, she has been treated a lot more harshly as the next head of the Sonoda household. But she keeps this fact closely guarded.

Kotori is always thinking about something. Usually about how to get Honoka to be hers only but she never acts upon it. She’d hate that she’d feel horrible if she did make Honoka only hers and “took out” the other competition that is her idol group. So instead, she gets out of this habit through fashion designing.

Mari isn’t actually a big fan of showing her wealth off to other people, only her friends. Sometimes she accidentally does it and then they try and cosy up to her. She hates that. She can see right through them and immediately denies them.

Chika doesn’t actually have many passions except idols. If it weren’t for idols, she would most likely stare blankly into the ceiling of her home as she would take over the Ryokan Inn that her mother owns. She’d just wonder what she was doing, whether or not if existing was right or not.

Karin has been offered various modelling gigs, which is of no surprise. However, there have been times when she has considered going 18+ modelling but refused in the end. She was curious yes but will never do it.  Of course, she’s just about getting by.

Emma has always been Karin’s best friend. They always look out for each other. However, Emma can see whether or not something is bothering Karin but doesn’t ever bring it up. Instead, she just wants to see her happy.

Bang Dream!

Sayo is a girl of many secrets. She only ever tells them to her twin sister, Hina as of late. Before, she’d never tell anyone about herself and if she did, it was only the bare minimum. She’s still closed off as she refuses to get hurt by anyone.

Tomoe is always overworking herself. She has lots of volunteering and things she does, which always leaves her knackered (tired as fuck) at the end of the day and all she wants to do is sleep. Even on days when she looks like she’s okay, she isn’t. She wants to rest.

Aya is clumsy and will get lost, just not as often as Kanon, her friend. However, she feels inadequate as an idol. She has trained for this but it always bothers her, as it goes into late night practices and early dawn nap times. She has considered giving up so many times, because of all the hate she has seen, even with her idol group, she’s usually the one with the most hate as she is at the centre most of the time.

Arisa is just gay as fuck. But she isn’t sure if it’s right to feel that way or not about certain people (KASUMI TOYAMA)

My Hero Academia

Kyouka has an innate talent of analysing quirks as well, she has never realised it. She has an analytical brain that can probably compete with Midoriya’s if she applied what she knew about music into hero work. 

Momo hasn’t been the biggest fan of being raised rich. She always wondered what it’d be like to live a normal life, without all the privilege and weight of a legacy she has  on top of her.

Danganronpa

Tenko has always been confused about what to feel about the ‘degenerate males’ she has met. Especially the likes of Shuichi and Makoto. She has wondered if her view of them being horrible is skewed as she seems Shuichi as one of her closest friends. But she won’t ever admit that, ever. 

Kaede really wants to know if she can stop with the piano puns. She likes to make them too much.

Makoto hasn’t exactly had the easiest time mentally. The death of his friends always haunts him even in his sleep. The screams, lights, flames, everything. He remembers all the details vividly and when he tries to reach out for them, their dead bodies are there on the floor.

Komaru has a hard time of knowing if she fits in or not as she had been taken from school and is now older than what she believes she is. She sits there wondering if it’s right to be this way now or not.

Other Muses

Jotaro is very cautious of everyone he meets. He doesn’t want a repeat of what happened in Egypt if he gets too close to anyone he likes. Even if DIO is gone, he’s never gotten rid of the feeling that someone will die in his presence or in his name.

Levi has a soft spot for his brats. He basically sees them as his children as this point and he may have been called dad once or twice by a few them. He enjoyed that but only gave them a glare.

Weiss is a soft gay for Ruby. But apart from that, she’s fine with both guys and girls. 

Mami always has the feeling of her wish being selfish at the back of her mind. It’s there nagging away at her as if it would come back to bite her in the ass so she’s always out there doing her best for her juniors and always on the look our for Kyoko Sakura.

Natsu hates how his former guild had treated him. He isn’t a dumbass who can’t do anything right, rather he’s someone who was the most attuned to his emotions as his flames prove. If he meets anyone from there, he won’t hesitate to take them out with one punch.

Lelouch actually had a crush on Cornelia for a brief moment before knowing of his relation to her. He decided to drop it and add her to the list of “Siblings I absolutely adore” but from time to time he does wonder if they weren’t related, would they take over the world together?

Haru has pictures of her friends in a small box. She also has one thing they owned within it too. She’s unaware of how strange this is.

[the-benevolent-beast]

How did you come up with the idea for jade?

((**Oh,,, ooOOOHHHH— This may or may not be long, but I will try to sum it up as quick as possible, otherwise I might ramble too much,,))((**Lets see, first I’ll start off with how long I’ve had her- so, its 2019, and I made her in about the 2010-2012 span I think, idk, my memory tends to be spotty, but my point is that I’ve had her for a pretty long time at this point))((**Since her creation, she’s gone through some body changes, but she’s overall kept her black and white colors with golden-yellow eyes and a heart hole thats never changed shape or placement; she used to actually wear more than just pants, and used to not have her more animalistic legs- but it didnt take me too long before I decided to actually make her as animalistic as possible instead of just a monstrous humanoid with fluffy ears and a tail- which yes I cringe at a lot, but we’ve all had to start somewhere, right? And I wanted a more animal like body for her, which is why her legs are how they are now, because I just thought it’d suit her far far better than her old version–))((**If I’m going to be completely honest, and I’ve admitted this before at some point I think a long time ago- Jade’s very first version of herself came to mind and ended up being created because I had just found out about and got interested in the CreepyPasta fandom, and I had found a specific and very actually sorta popular Comic- PastaMonsters (by @/Comickit if you didn’t know which I’d be surprised if you didnt its an amazing comic go read it—))((**Basically that comic gave me the motivation and idea to create a Creepypasta monster character, so thats what I started with. I started with the Idea of a monster-esque female and then I thought of a name. Frankly I actually meant to do a short J name, bc… Jeffery was my favorite at the time, so I went with a short J name that hadn’t been taken yet (to my knowledge) and came up with Jade, with is actually a name I really like as well (so much so that I ended up naming my cat Jade as well but it was fitting- this was off topic sorry))((**But then I added that everyone just calls her Jade, but her full first name is Jadeth, which makes it even more unique and I love it, its oddly elegant, or at least to me))((**Basically her first version was mainly wolf-esque version of a.. s i g h, neko girl sort of, with the ears and tail and a few other minor details like Teeth, while her eyes remained somewhat more cat like- both animals also influenced some of her behaviors and actions… But again it didnt take me long to change her into a far more animalistic and monstrous type of character, while her personality sorta just.. me?))((**That’s another thing I almost want to touch on- Im Jade, but Jade isnt me per say. She’s not a sona, she’s not a fursona or monstersona, shes not a sona- she’s a character that I love more than any other- she’s more of an icon to me to a point- if there’s something I put forward to show or represent me, its her, but shes not a sona or anything-??. I’m Jade, I see some or a lot of myself in Jade, but she Is Not me. I don’t know if any of that made sense but I sure hope it did? Even alittle))

((**I got the overall Idea to make Jadeth because I loved monsters, I loved animals, I was interested in this fandom, that Comic influenced me to a point and sorta motivated me, and after I had made a character- I met a friend or two who encouraged me to keep going with Jade’s idea because they too had created a character for or vaguely for the same fandom- and I think, I could be wrong, but I think we both sorta just kept each other going and made each other brave enough to expand and develop…))((**I had made fan characters and such for things before, just these characters for things I liked- but Jade is the one character (regardless of what she was originally made for, aka the CreepyPasta fandom) that has stuck with me for so long, and I just keep at her. I keep developing and tweaking and having fun with her- so many ideas and there’s so many things I’d love to see her be in or do in the future; like any creator, someday I’d like to see her be popular or a character that a lot of people might like- like a good few key creeps we see today like Jeff or LJ for example. Maybe not so thrown out of proportion to the point so many many many people sorta `share` her, because she is Mine, and I will stress that to the day I Die, but just… have her be popular, or at least known, and liked- you know?))((**This is off topic to her creation but At some points in the past I had always wanted to make a comic for her, in some context, or have her be apart of something big or the like. While her story has never been posted, I have sort of summed it up for certain people in the past. I’ve summed it up and i’ve summed it up for myself, to the point where working on her actual story(stories?) has become sorta difficult to me, but hopefully it will actually get written out fully and posted for all to see and read… Hopefully.))((**At some point I do plan on expanding on Animation a lot more, so she will definitely be a focus of my animations/animatics/etc at some point, which might help how people will see her bc then they’ll finally see her move or at least sort of… and at some other point, I would love to finally give her a voice..?))((**Which I’ll mention is actually My voice, which might also tie in to how closely I see myself in her.. its only because I’ve never really found a voice that I like for her, and my voice has always been her voice up to this point- so I’ve just accepted it and decided that her voice is my voice, and perhaps one day ya’ll may finally hear it at some point…))((**Okay– I think thats a lot and I’ve sorta rambled and gone off topic plenty,,, sorry about that- but thanks for reading through if you did entirely ; w ; ))

[thehaakun]

why i like p/5 a lot

okay well i’m still depressed and still slightly in that mood i was in tuesday morning but i’m going to make this post to keep my mind off things

anyway here’s a long detailed essay on why i love per/sona 5 & why it especially resonates with me (this is obviously. super spoilery.)

I’ll detail why I relate to almost every single one of the characters and why each one is important to me:

Akira

Everyone plays their MC differently of course, but I always play mine as kind as possible. The unjust hand he was dealt and the injustice that followed him afterward for trying to save someone. He just wants to save people. He wants to be good. He wants to save the world. He wants to help his friends. He’s trying his best, even though everything’s really hard on him but he still fucking tries anyway. He does his best to be a good friend and to help others with their problems. He just wants to help. He doesn’t ask for anything in return, never expects anything in return. 

Akira never expects anything from helping people. He just doesn’t want anyone else to experience the suffering and injustice he was put through. He can’t fathom hurting others the way others have hurt him. I just...feel the same. I want to help others be the best they can be -- and I want to make sure no one suffers as I did. I’m not as good at it as Akira is, but I’d like to be someday.

Even through the tough times, Akira’s there for his friends. He doesn’t give up on them. He doesn’t run away from them. He sticks by them and he tries his best to help. He doesn’t abandon people. I wish...I wish I had a friend like Akira.

Ryuji

Number one: His anger problems. Ryuji has a lot of anger management issues and. Honestly. That was my entire life. I’d snap and snarl and bite the second things got rough and I relate to Ryuji so fucking hard because he just feels so much anger for the world and what it fucking did to him and his friends. He feels SO deeply and his anger reaches so far within him that it’s really fucking hard for him to not be angry at unjust situations.

But Akira helps him through it and helps him manage his anger and Ryuji practices better emotion management through his Social Link and it really shows that Akira’s really fucking helping him be better. Ryuji learns to get a grasp on his anger; he still feels it, of course, but it’s not a gut reaction to lash out anymore. He accepts his anger and channels it towards helping and being better. By the end of his social link, Ryuji improves his anger management skills and he really fucking grows as a person. He remains committed to justice and fighting for what he believes in but he no longer uses his anger as a rash, abrasive, way to react to situations.

I have so many anger management issues, and I feel Ryuji’s anger for the world on such a level. But seeing Ryuji get helped by Akira really makes me think I can do it too. (I used to think my friends were helping me with my anger too...But past week has started making me reconsider if I even...have friends.)

Ann

Oh, Ann. I love her so deeply, so much. She suffers on such a colossal level. Her loneliness at the beginning of the game is so fucking apparent. She’s by herself, alone, ostracized, no one wants to talk to her. That kind of fucking isolation -- I know what that is, I’ve been there. It hurts a fucking lot.

But the thing about Ann that makes me cry every time she speaks is that she still feels compassion. She still wants to be a good person. She still wants to be nice and kind. Even after everything, even after everything she suffered, she still wants to be a good person. I’ve...suffered a lot too. My childhood was really fucked up so I don’t exactly have Ann’s past but I’m trying really fucking hard to be a good person despite what the world did to me. I still feel anger -- a lot of it -- but seeing Ann, and how she suffered but still feels compassion and love and how she fights so fiercely for those close to her...It makes me cry. 

She honest to god just wants to make the world a better place. Not just for herself but for her friends and for everyone in the world too.

Yusuke

I’d love to be as good at art someday as Yusuke but what gets me the most about him is that he’s trying to find meaning in his work -- in his art, in his life. He’s also always stuck in seeing the good in people -- his insistent statements on how Madarame took care of him and how Yusuke works so hard to try and believe that Madarame, somewhere deep inside, is a good person really fucking got me. Yusuke will always see the good and bad. Was Madarame really fucked up in what he was doing? Yeah. But Yusuke can’t forget that Madarame was kind to him, that Madarame raised him, that Madarame took care of him, that Madarame let him live in his house -- Yusuke can’t forget all those acts of kindness.

Even though he’s angry at Madarame for using him -- I completely understand why Yusuke took so long to see Madarame as...well, really bad. I always feel like I’m fucking making excuses for the behaviors of my friends (?...Friends...I don’t really know if I can call them that anymore) and it’s just been. This general fucking trend with me that I’ll always make excuses and I’ll always try and understand a friend. Like, “Oh, they’re busy...Oh, their phone died or something...Oh, they’re just in a bad mental state right now...Oh, it’s just --” I’m always making excuses and I feel like, like Yusuke, that traps me in this really shit relationship and I’m just stuck always thinking about how they were kind to me JUST ONCE and how I’ll end up making more excuses to keep people in my life because I know they can be nice to me. Like, I want to believe really hard -- Yusuke’s social link makes it apparent that he still believes there’s a little bit of good in Madarame -- that my friends (?) are good people, and they’re trying their best to be good people. I want to believe in my friends and think they genuinely care about me.

But there’s only so many times I can be stomped on and...forgotten. Or used. Yusuke got fed up with Madarame too but...in his social link, he still can’t forget the kindness...

God, I cry for Yusuke. He’s a good kid but people used him and no one regrets it either.

Makoto

Makoto, by far, is the one I relate to super fucking closely. Just straight up -- the model, perfect student who studies hard and is considered by many to be incredibly intelligent. Shit, that was me. 

What fucking got me about Makoto is that -- okay, honestly, when you’re up at the top like that barely anyone talks to you in a genuine way. They’re always either intimidated by you, or they use you because they know that you have the intelligence, the books, the smarts to answer any question or do any task. 

It’s really fucking lonely. You don’t have a lot of genuine friends who will treat you with respect and honesty.

What fucking devastated me most about Makoto is that she’s trying so hard to prove to people/the world that she is worth something. That she’s worth it. Because she’s scared that if she’s useless no one will want her, no one will want to be with her, no one will want to talk to her and she’ll end up as alone as ever. That’s...that’s me. She tries so hard for everyone because she wants to feel wanted. 

I wish I could have her awakening when she just realizes, “Fuck this. Fuck what everybody says.” And she decides, by herself, that she IS worth it. SHE HERSELF IS WORTH IT. And the world won’t decide that for her. 

I cried in the game when Makoto said she finally found a home because. I thought...I’d found a home too. With certain friends. I thought I found a place where I belonged and found people who were happy to be with me. I thought I found a home.

 But...the past week just made me feel like I don’t have a home anymore. I’m...unwanted. I’m not useful enough or cool enough or funny enough or talented enough or anything for anyone to even think of me or want me in their lives or to even fight to keep me in their lives. It just feels like...no one’s making that effort for me...I’m not good enough for people. And trying to change myself and be better hasn’t made any difference.

I wish I could be Makoto. I wish I could find a home and I wish I could find friends that’d want to be with me and hang out with me.

Futaba

Okay, honest to God here, Futaba’s hacking/computer skills and hermit life is basically what I lived for a good portion of my high school years. I just. Lived inside a room. Dad would bring up food. I’d never go out. I’d always be on my computer. That was me.

Her mental illness -- it’s pretty fucking clear she has one -- is debilitating, and she wants help so badly. It’s preventing her from making relationships and she knows that and she reaches out FIRST.

Futaba REACHES OUT to get help. Because she knows she needs it or else her mental illness will consume her and she’ll end up killing herself. She asks for help because she doesn’t want to die. She knows she has to change or else her life will never improve. It’s damn terrifying for her to reach out and she’s scared shitless but she does it anyway.

And her mini-therapy she has with Akira made me fucking cry because she makes a list of concrete goals to make sure she improves herself, that she builds up her skills on building relationships with people. She makes a goddamn list. That’s...that’s what I had to do in my therapy sessions. I’d make a list of concrete goals to achieve to make myself a better person and to improve my mindfulness skills. (And Akira’s gentle the entire way. When Futaba makes mistakes, he calls her out on it, and Futaba knows she made a mistake, but Akira does his best to make sure Futaba doesn’t make it again and she improves as a person)

I cried at the end of Futaba’s social link because by the end she’s really fucking grown and she’s reached out to people and formed new relationships by herself. She’s no longer debilitated by her mental illness -- it’s still there, of course -- but she’s grown up. She got the help she needed. She reached out and someone responded. (It just feels like...when I reach out...no one responds.)

Akechi Goro

He is me. Or was. Or maybe still is. But the Justice arcana makes complete sense to me and it makes sense to me why he turned out the way he did. God, Akechi...He’s who I feel like I could turn out to be someday if...things get more fucked up.

He wanted vengeance for everything the world did to him, for how the world treated him. He called his vengeance justice, and I completely understand why he wanted to tear Shido to shreds, to destroy him from the inside out. Shido abandoned him -- left him. Akechi was alone. No one wanted him. No one ever wanted him. So he did his best to make himself wanted. He used his power -- terribly, of course -- so that people would want him. So that he could be worth something to somebody. He was so fucking lonely the entire time and him lashing out at the end and going berserk -- I know what that feels like. And at the height of his popularity -- still, no one wanted him. Genuinely, no one wanted him. They were only interested in his detective skills -- but no one ever wanted to get to know Akechi Goro and understand his suffering.

Sometimes it just feels like going berserk and going extreme is the only way people will notice you, that people will change their behavior and treat you better because now they’ve seen just how fucking awful it is when they abandon you. But Akechi...God. Nothing changed for him. He died, in anger and in grief and he died ALONE. All he wanted was JUSTICE for what happened to him, he wanted to tear the world apart, to rip it to shreds and destroy it for what it did to him because he never fucking deserved the suffering he got. I know Akechi because I am him. Was him. Still am, maybe. I don’t know. But Akechi’s story could’ve been mine. Maybe it still could be.

He ended up dying trying to do what was right, to atone. He can’t really atone for what he did -- he literally murdered dozens of people -- but he, at the end, tried to do the good thing. I’m still trying to do that too. I’m trying to be good. But it’s really fucking hard. And lashing out -- the way he did -- maybe he felt like that was the only way for people to see just how much he was suffering and for someone to try and save him and be there for him.

He lashed out because he didn’t know how to ask for help. Like me, I think he tried asking for help before and never got it -- he was always ignored, shunned, thrown aside and eventually only going to the extreme and lashing out was the only way for people to notice him. Asking for help and never getting it just leads to you escalating your emotion to get someone to notice (got that from therapy...). Or care. I know what he feels. I know how he felt. And I understand perfectly well why a good kid like him would turn into a murderer.

He believed no one ever thought he was worth fighting for, that he was worth anything to anybody. That’s why he was alone. Because he felt like no one wanted him. And I feel like that right now.

Haru

A little harder for me to relate to Haru, but this poor girl suffered so much. Her dad literally fucking died, she had to deal with the fallout of this giant ass company she never asked for, and then on top of that, has to deal with the Phantom Thieves shit. But she still remains soft throughout...She remains strong, holds fast to her beliefs and has a great deal of compassion for others. 

Her dad literally fucking gets MURDERED on LIVE TELEVISION and 3 days later she bounces back up because she knows she has to take care of the employees of her company and she has to be there for the Phantom Thieves.

Oh, Haru. You’ve been through so much but you’re still a light in the darkness. You still want to be.

Morgana

I could. Cry and cry and cry about Morgana. When he leaves the group because he feels like he’s useless and unloved and unwanted...That’s how I feel right now. Even though Morgana still loves each of the Thieves and still believes that they’re all good people -- he fucking left because he just felt so unloved. So unwanted. He felt like people didn’t need him anymore because there were others in the group that could replace him. So Morgana ran so he wouldn’t have to feel the pain of caring about people who didn’t care about him.

And I cried even more that the Thieves were so worried about him. The Thieves looked for him, ran after him, made the effort to bring him back because they genuinely cared about him and they fucking apologized. Like, that just made me cry so hard because god I fucking wish I had friends like the Thieves. The Thieves fought for Morgana. They fought to bring him back because they loved him and cared for him.

It just feels like no one’s going to fight to bring me back. And I feel so much like Morgana when he ran away. I’m discarded, thrown away. Forgotten. No one thinks of me. No one cares about me. I feel like a deadweight a lot because I can’t offer anything of value. People are just going to forget about me because I’m not worth anything to them.

And then Morgana probably believed everyone loved Futaba or even Ryuji more than him. Morgana probably believed everyone cared about the humans in the group more than him. Morgana probably believed that the Thieves would prioritize the humans first, and they’d never think of him.

---

Honestly, it just feels like the...’friends’ (?) I had...It just feels like they’d pick that one friend over me. Even though I still think they’re good people and I’ll make up Yusuke excuses for why they left me alone...It still really fucking hurts to be left behind and forgotten and unloved and not thought about.

That’s why I love P5. Because every single character is a part of me. They’re all reflections of who I am and every single one just wants to belong.

I just wish, that at the end of P5, everyone feels like they have a home now. They have the Thieves. Their tight knit group of friends who they feel they belong to. 

I wish. I had a place I belonged. I used to feel like that. But getting kicked out of a home. Hurts a lot. Or, maybe in their eyes, it looks like I packed up my bags and ran away from home. Like Morgana.

Morgana came back because the Thieves looked for him. I don’t think...the ‘friends’ will look for me, or fight to keep me in their lives. And I always have that doubt in my mind now that whispers, ‘why would you even want to be friends with people who forget about you in the first place?’

But like Yusuke, I still believe they’re good people. In therapy I learned that everyone is trying their best. And I want to believe that these friends are trying to be good people. Like Ann & Haru, I still want their lives to be better too. Because now that I’ve suffered on this colossal of a level I couldn’t possibly inflict that on other people. But I just wish I had an Akira & Makoto who’d stay with me the entire way as I try and be better and who won’t give up on me and who’d fight for me too. I want to believe that my therapy, like Futaba’s, will make me a better person and life will change.

But it feels like nothing’s changing. Nothing I do makes a difference and like Akechi, people will never want me or think I’m worth anything so I’ll be vengeful and bitter forever.

I don’t know how life will go. But. This is why P5 means a lot to me.