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shifting-lark · 4 years ago

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AHHH SORRY I COULDN’T STOP MYSELF I just wanted to write angst of Zoro and Lark being idiots and not knowing how to handle emotions. Enjoy!!!

Deny Deny Deny.

Pair: Roronoa Zoro x Lark Normandy (DRself)

Info: angst angst, emotions bad ew, denial, sadish, non-happy ending??

TW: some cussing, minor description of drowning/passing out, minor nudity?

Rating: PG (sfw)

I hated winter. The cold, the snow, the everything about it. Winter just was not my season. I preferred tank tops and shorts, not bundled up in coats. But living on a pirate ship you don’t really get to choose the weather, and in the Grand Line the seasons are always unpredictable and changing.

It was late at night and I was exhausted but I couldn’t fall asleep. Instead of tossing and turning in my cabin I went for a midnight stroll on the deck. I shuddered, pulling my leather jacket closer to my chest. I adjusted my black scarf to cover my mouth as I leaned against the ship railing, watching the almost black sea beneath. The gentle waves crashing against the wood of the Thousand Sunny gave a calming ambience as I tried to clear my head. I was usually pretty good at hiding feelings. More like ignoring them altogether. Living alone, being homeless, stealing and hitchhiking, it had no room for feelings. Emotions only got in the way of surviving. I was doing fine on my own.

Yet somehow, I found myself a part of a crew. The Straw Hat pirates were like a family to me, even though I had only met them a few years back. Luffy, Sanji, Robin, Franky, Brook, Nami, Chopper, Usopp, and of course… Zoro. I shook my head at the thought. Why was Zoro so different from the rest? Sure, he was handsome, but I’ve met plenty of handsome people before. Why do my hands always get so clammy when he’s around? Why do I worry myself sick whenever he gets hurt in a fight? Why am I even thinking about him now?

I sighed hanging my head, “I’m hopeless.” I muttered to myself. Deep down I knew the answer for all of my questions, but I desperately didn’t want to admit it. I would fight off my true feelings with a baseball bat until the day I died. ‘Deny, deny, deny’ was basically my life motto. I hopped up onto the railing and sat staring aimlessly at the stars above. The wind was cold against my face, but I almost didn’t notice, so lost in thought.

“Hey.” A deep voice said, catching me off guard. I gave a small shriek in surprise and before even seeing who it was, I lost balance on the railing. Suddenly I was fall backwards off the ship and into the ocean. I landed with a splash and everything went fuzzy. Being a Devil Fruit user was great for the power, but the ability to not swim was a major downside. I could feel myself weakening and the air from my lungs escaping me. I was frozen like a statue, the icy cold water rushing around me, suffocating me. Fuck, I’m gonna die because I fell off the ship. Was my first thought. How embarrassing.

My vision was beginning to fade before I was a blurry, shadowy figure jump into the water above me. I saw a glimpse of green hair and felt a sense of relief. I reached out to him helplessly but before I could get to him, everything went black.

I heard his voice first. Cursing under his breath as he tossed his katanas onto the floor. I slowly opened my eyes and took a deep breath. I was back on the ship, in my quarters, lying on my bed. I turned to the left and saw Zoro standing there shirtless, his wet shirt in his hands as he wrung it out, the water splashing onto the wooden floor. “Zoro?” I said, cursing my voice for being so pathetic.

His head shot up and his eyes met mine, “Lark. You’re awake. Are you okay?” He asked, his deep voice immediately calming to me.

I sat up, “I’m fine, just cold as fuck.” I stared down and realized I was in a baggy white t-shirt. Where did my clothes go? I looked to the floor and saw the pile of sopping wet clothes on the floor. Zoro must have taken them off for me while I was unconscious.

I paused for a moment.

“DID YOU UNDRESS ME?!” I almost screamed, my face growing hot.

He glared at me, “I didn’t want you to catch hypothermia! You were soaking wet.”

“I could have done that myself when I woke up!” I snapped.

“Did you want to die?!” He shouted back, his voice only slightly annoyed. I avoided his eye contact and pulled the blanket closer to me.

“Thanks.” I finally whispered, realizing it was the best course of action, even if it was incredibly embarrassing. He only gave a small nod, continuing to wring out his wet shirt. “Thanks for jumping in after me.” I added, “How did you know I fell in?”

“Cause I was the one that scared you and made you lose balance.” He explained, “I was heading up to the crows nest for a workout session and saw you sitting on the railing. I was just saying hi and then you fell in.” He gave up drying his shirt and tossed it to the floor with the rest of my clothes.

There was a moment of awkward silence. I suddenly realize how chilled to the bone I was. A late night swim in the middle of winter definitely wasn’t good for you. Zoro noticed me shivering and sat on the bed next to me, almost too close.

“Uh…” I said questionably before he put his arm around my shoulders.

“Chopper says body heat is the best for warming someone up.” Zoro said. “You got a better idea?” He almost growled, eyeing me sideways, daring me to make a joke about it.

I decided to keep my mouth shut and scooched a little closer to him. His body radiated heat, something I’ve always noticed whenever I was near him. I was thankful he was willing to sit next to me, I could already feel the cold slipping away. It was quiet between us, only the sound of his steady breathing next to me.

“Have you ever dated anyone Zoro?” I asked. I didn’t know why it came out of my mouth, maybe I was just trying to fill the silence, but I immediately wished to take it back.

He didn’t seem too alarmed by the question and gave an honest answer, “I don’t date people. Too much work.” He replied. I was going to drop it before he continued, “I did like a girl once.” I looked at him a little surprised. He gave a short chuckle, “A long time ago. Way before I met Luffy and everyone.” I sat quietly, not daring to interrupt. “Her name was Kuina. She was the daughter of the man who owned the dojo I went to. He taught me many things about being a swordsman, but so did she.” He had this look of fondness that I hadn’t seen before. Zoro was always stoic and stone faced, it was a once in a lifetime chance to see him like this. To see him vulnerable.

“We were just kids. Children playing around with wooden katanas. Kuina was the strongest at the dojo, stronger than I was. I fought her constantly, desperate to be better. She was fierce and determined and skillful. She was everything I wanted to be. I respected her so much and thought for a moment that when we got older I would marry her.” He paused, his emotional wall reappearing before my eyes, “Unfortunately she died. A total accident, and completely out of the blue. She was gone, and I never got to say goodbye.” I felt my heart tighten in my chest.

“I had no idea. I’m so sorry.” I whispered, afraid my words would somehow shatter in the air.

Zoro gave a small shrug, “Things happen. After that, I haven’t liked anyone or ever thought of dating. The only thing I’m focused on is being the best swordsman I can be.” He turned and fully looked at me. “I don’t have time to focus on anything else.” I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. His eyes weren’t just looking at me, they were looking through me, looking into my soul. Why was he so intense right now?

“What does that mean?” I asked, stupidly. He didn’t say anything and averted his gaze. “Zoro…”

“I’m an idiot, but I’m not that much of an idiot.” He said, his jaw clenched. “I know.” My mind was spinning.

“Know what?” I asked, dumbfounded.

“Know what’s going on between… us.” He said, and I noticed his cheeks had a hint of red.

“What is going on between us?” I asked again.

He clenched his fist and jerked his head to face me, “Lark don’t play dumb!” He snapped, “I see how you look at me! I know you stayed by my side that whole week I was bedridden after we left Thriller Bark! I know how you feel!”

“Well enlighten me then!” I spat back, “Cause apparently I’m lost.”

He growled, “You’re so dense.”

I gave a shallow laugh, “I’M dense? Look in the mirror.”

“So, you don’t have any feelings towards me?” He shot back, as he stared me down. The question might as well have been a punch to the jaw.

“You’re my crewmate! I care about you, but not in that way!” I replied quickly, I felt my chest tighten, the tension in the room reaching unbearable levels. “I don’t know what you think, but you don’t know me and you certainly don’t know how I feel!” I said, each word as cold as ice, as I pushed his arm off my shoulders. Silence fell between us as we stared at one another.

“Fine.” He stood up, grabbing his katanas and his shirt. “Sorry if I crossed a line.” He walked towards the door, “You’re right. I don’t know you at all.” He slammed the door behind him, leaving me alone.

I felt hot tears stream down my face as I cried in frustration. Stupid. Idiot. Dumbass. What the fuck do you know? I screamed in my head, wanting to pull out my hair. Why did he have to question me like that? What just happened? What did I just say? Why couldn’t I just be honest with him? I pulled my knees close to my chest and sobbed quietly to myself. Why couldn’t I just tell the truth? The truth that I…. I loved him.

I loved Zoro. I wiped my tears away and tried to collect myself a bit. I was hopelessly in love with him and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. There was only one thing left I could do.

Deny. Deny. Deny.

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whirlybirdwhat · 6 years ago

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Compass Left Behind

Ao3 - One Piece, Gen, Modern AU, Look for Warnings! (See Ao3), Focus on Straw Hats.

Word Count: 2,847

When Ace dies in a flurry of fast motions and undeniable death (gun fight – a gang fight, Akainu fire arson why were you born- oh god it burns) Luffy screams at the pain of being alone. His brothers are dead, Shanks spirited away into the wind, Garp, military (abusive) and untrustworthy, and Makino and Dadan’s gang, underserving of this mess.

Luffy is 14 when he becomes completely abandoned, and he is 14 when the thought whispers into his mind

Why? Why am I alone? It shouldn’t be this way - Never should be this way. Where are they?

And so he starts to search.

Monkey D. Luffy first whispered into their lives with the soft smile on Zoro’s sunlit face as he wandered home from school. This smile last for the week, a week of Koushirou’s adopted son seeming more complete and alive than he has ever before - and then he is gone, katanas packed away with sturdy clothes and tracking chip pulled out of his phone

Koushirou wonders about the boy who Zoro mentioned only once (I met someone today – his name is (and the way he said the name sounded like a king)) but accepts it. Zoro always had the spirit of a wanderer in him - but it never seemed to belong just to him.

He reports Zoro’s disappearance to the authorities but it gets buried. Somethings were not meant to be - somethings were meant to be lost to the world (Zoro had always been lost – always had an internal compass that only pointed at one person.)

Koushirou hopes the boy he raised (in place of a daughter who died) is happy now.

They meet Nami in the mall, her life safe at last and her family and their tangerine farm whole and unharmed. There is nothing stopping her from saying no when Luffy stretches out hand, to stay with her family who have no recognition of the name Arlong.

But she takes the hand anyway, the weight she never knew was there lifting off of her. She was supposed to be a navigator for a big company in the fall, with big rewards, perfect for a girl who had no interest of spending big bucks at college

But she drops it all and takes the hand offered.

And well -

That is that.

(They, piled into Luffy’s (Ace’s) old custom flame-detailed Camaro, make for an odd bunch with Luffy’s scars and Zoro’s swords and Nami’s maps and money bags (and three shriveled tangerine tree seeds kept in a golden locket) but they could not care less.)

Usopp joins them three states over and for once does not lie - he speaks truthfully about the pull he feels, like waves to the moon’s commands, like a compass to the north and laments that maybe he’ll meet his dad on the road - out in the big wide radiant west.

He brings along a ride and tall tales, a reminder that there’s joy in the smallest of things.

(Kaya, they learn, is a name not to be spoken for she died a year ago, officially due to an illness. Unofficially, Usopp tells them of a butler who had a history in poison and botany, and how his claws quickly sunk into the family riches once the orphan girl passed away suddenly.

This is not a tale of heroes or interference in carefully laid plans- this is a tale of people finding home and family.

And Kaya, while she had a place in Usopp’s heart, never had a place aboard the sunny, beloved ship (home) in their dreams of before.)

Sanji kicks them from his restaurant, freshly inherited from Zeff who died three months previous, four times until he finally caves and agrees to go with them.

The chefs and waiters are happy to see him go, even if his boyfriend, Gin, isn’t (he’ll miss him, can’t he see that?).

The restaurant was never the twenty-two-year old’s dream, only a prison made of a debt and a soured paternal love and the staff knew that.

They do not understand what makes these strangers so important to him, but they do not stop him from leaving, from kissing his mafia boyfriend one last passionate time, from signing restaurant over to his most trusted workers and hopping in the car with two teens and a young adult.

It was never their place to know what made him so weary of food being stolen.

(Besides. His cigarettes were clogging up the air.)

They never meet Vivi. They only ever hear of her in newspapers clippings, proclaiming that the last princess of Alabasta perished during an uprising in her kingdom.

(It’s not a world of heroes and happiness, in this life)

The story is sad in general, but they are even more so because more than it being a tragic tale, they never got to meet her again.

(But they knew she would never, ever stay, no matter how hard they begged. Her heart belonged to the desert sun and the sand beneath feet, and the people hailing her name. Some things are constant like that.)

Chopper, prodigy and fully-fledged doctor at the age of twenty-six, takes one look at them and quits his job at his adopted father’s old clinic.

No one comments on how though he is the eldest, everyone ruffles his hair like he is the youngest.

No one talks about the little cherry blossoms and antlers embroidered on his sweater, or the way he despisesmushrooms.

No one mentions the way he gapes at Zoro and Luffy, one with too little scars (though they are thankful for that) and one with far, far too many.

(He’ll pass creams to both of them, helping smooth it over Luffy’s back and arms and chest and face and just anywhere really (so many scars - skin didn’t scar this easily before) and letting Zoro do his own, spreading the cool substance over his chest and ankles and face (but never his back - would be a shame if he did), places that had always ached mysteriously previously, and always during storms like Luffy’s did now)

Robin comes into their lives silently, appearing in the back of the Merry (Usopp’s mothers old Volkswagen van that he inherited, that he and Kaya had painted with pictures of seas and sheep and dreaming words before ... everything) one day and never leaving after that.

There are no doubts that she belongs with them - not this time, and not ever again. She brings a multitude of books with her and helps finishes Zoro’s and Luffy’s spotty education, filling in gaps of knowledge with care and love.

She never speaks of genocide, never speaks of the circling brand on her left shoulder blade, and the haunted look in here eye but she doesn’t have to.

Like before, the past does not matter here, with them.

(Unlike before, the only thing that does matter is them - there are no dreams in this concrete world, only slowly filling in the ache of where were you and I was alone.)

The blue haired man who tried to steal their car is Franky, and this time only his arm and nose are metal - it doesn’t make him any less strong or big though. Once he sees the little keychain of a straw hatted jolly roger, custom made, hanging on the mirror, however, he stops, sitting there in the front seat, the wires already hotwired, and smiles. That’s where they find him, and after only the briefest of introductions (for they all know each other already, really, in some inescapable way) and goodbyes (the Franky family are still family but the world is crueler now then then, and bonds like that aren’t meant to stay (but bonds like theirs are)) they leave after a small pitstop.

Merry cannot hold him (cannot hold three more people, they need more) and so it is a near blessing in disguise when Merry is forced to be ripped away from them by a bad car accident - a cop careening down the road after a clown with a sword (an odd sight but not the oddest. They were all more worried about clinging together and making sure they were all alive). No fights happen between them (they do not know how they would take it if one of them walked away - they don’t know if they even can now that they’ve found each other).

Instead, they watch as Franky commandeers his brother’s company for one week, and creates a home on the road for them. Simple and deceiving on the outside yet extravagantly homey within, the extremely luxurious and custom RV is familiar enough with a small shielded garden on the top, a library within and couches and bunks soft and plush to rest their weary head.

Sunny, they decide to call the RV, now detailed on the side in bold, dreamful lettering with a painted lion face, for all the sunny days they will have together.

(They’re almost complete.)

Brook sees them in the crowd and steps off his stage, disappearing into the night. His fans are disappointed and the rest of the world confused - where had the man gone?

The man himself is gaunt, brittle and bone like, which is only accented by his skeletal make up, but he laughs and cracks jokes with them all, one more puzzle piece, one more weapon to defeat the battle that is loneliness.

His music soothes them to bed with the sweetest tunes, and the songs he releases to the public are more popular than ever - for they have something the old Brook used to have but thought he never would again.

The love of family.

(He does not speak of years spent by the coast, playing songs with other folk and whales, as they danced happily to the breeze. He does not speak of tsunamis and death and wondering why he above all others survived because he knows why - so the loneliness would end when he was with them.)

Jinbe is last and when they break him free from the prison on the coast, it is all they can do not to cry with relief. They are whole again, never mind the mafia and government after them thanks to Jinbe’s escape, they can breathe again.

When they collapse inside Sunny, far away from the lights that searched for them, bandages applied to broken boys (why did he have so many scars?) and smiles given, they do cry, and Jinbe envelopes them all with a hug until they fall backward into a giant, happy dog pile.

He is warm and big and steers them in the right direction, just as he always did. The last part of the puzzle is complete and now they can be free with each other instead of trapped alone.

(Jinbe is the first to know about the beginning, what happened to their captain in this life, (for he knew Ace as well) and he does not forgive himself for not being there like he was before. But he does pray to and thank every god he knows that Luffy was able to get up alone - and find them all.

It’s a miracle, really. (It’s what he was known for))

Together they travel, making money in dubious ways (street performance and thievery among them – stealth is a skill that Luffy has somehow acquired now but they do not like to think about how) and having as much adventure and life as they can before their time inevitably runs out.

They travel and learn about each other what makes them different from before (they learn what before was.)

They learn of new ages (Luffy 14, Zoro 16, Nami 18, Usopp 20, Sanji 22, (Vivi would be 24) Chopper 26, Robin, like before 28, Franky 30, Brook 32, and Jinbe, 34 - two years apart for the two years they spent apart. They wished their youngest weren’t so young,) new habits (video game design was what Usopp was going to go to college for, once he had saved enough) and the things that stayed the same (Nami can still haggle prices down to a quarter of the original price, and Zoro still uses three katanas.)

It’s a good life, a happy life. They found each other again - how could it not be?

Of course - not everything’s perfect. It comes back to them in the little moments

It’s In the way Zoro will sit himself beside the door on rainy days, ready to catch anyone who slips; in the way Nami hoards money like she’ll die without it and what she’ll be willing to sacrifice for it (herself and others but never her family), in the way that Usopp, though understanding, will lurch whenever someone seems just a tad too sad and frantically tell a tale as if everyone’s life depended on it, and the way he’s wary of every trusting, loyal servant they come across.

It’s in the way Sanji won’t eat if someone else wont (all too common, none of them are okay with food sometimes, even Luffy, who will sometimes stop eating randomly, or Zoro, who occasionally forgets he can keep eating) or in the way Chopper will quadruple check every medical thing he does when not in an emergency.

It’s in the way Robins mind goes blank at certain books and the way her fingers tremble even when doing something she loves; in the way Franky will ghost his hand over his nose and arm and belly and scars and remember the day everything was lost; in the way that Brook can’t stand foggy nights that become like his mind occasionally, clouded and alone.

And especially it’s in the way the Luffy, Luffy who used to never be afraid (because rubber couldn’t hurt, at least not easily), will flinch and snag fingers in Zoro’s or Jinbe’s clothing, arms taut and eyes wide, trembling and so abruptly quiet and push whatever food on his plate away whenever voices raise or fists fly in the kitchen (only ever the kitchen), and will shriek and go silent, crouched in a ball if its directed at him - (The kitchen area is a no fight zone now, if they have to do it they do it beyond the divider and in the other areas while the rest distract Luffy.) It’s in the way Luffy has far too many scars (from punches and kicks and being thrown off balconies and cliffs from supposedly loving hands, from fights in back alleys and scrambling to survive – he’s only 14 and before it wouldn’t faze them but this world is so much more real in the way the other wasn’t) and in the way one used to be able to count each individual rib on his side.

No.

It’s the little moments that hurt the worse.

But there are also happy moments, happiness found in places one wouldn’t think to look.

Like being chased by cars flashing red and blue lights, in a flame detailed beat up Camaro, like seeing how high cola rockets could blast, like finally hearing the end to Robin’s memorized bed time story that spoke of pirates of old and new, and sunny days always looking toward the horizon.

Like being there to see Zoro and Luffy, always on the same page, experience something for the first time, like the high school dance they snuck into or the stars on the unlit coast (well that was a first for most actually). Like seeing Brook’s guitar strum a special song just for each of them, or having Chopper give special band aids for each of them (Luffy’s had pirates, Zoro’s tigers, Nami’s tangerines, Usopp’s birds, Sanji’s hearts and Franky’s gears. Robin and Brook were more careful so everyone was still vying to see what design they would get)

It was the joys that built them up again

And it was the experiences that reminded them of who they were

Because no matter the world, no matter the life now or the life before, Luffy would always have the soul of a conqueror, of a king- and the rest of them would always be his most loyal crew.

These experiences included back alley fights and dealings and tussles with gangs, included hunting down Ace’s killer and killing him in return (because none of them are perfect, even now) in breaking out of prison as a family (whoever thought of imprisoning them all together made a mistake) to shielding Luffy from his grandfather when the mere mention let alone actually meeting with the man made him tremble and near cry.

It was falling from the mountain Skypeia, miraculously making it out alive and visiting Fishman Island off the coast of the southern continent. It was visiting Venice and Antarctica and the pyramids and breaking into historical places (but being respectful because robin loved history) and everything amazing in-between.

And it was being together that made it all worth it - because in this life they didn’t have dreams to reach for, to strive for, to devout their lives towards. They just had each other.

And that was enough

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