#I love frog characters so much… especially when they’re french

[trans-opossum]

Sooooo there’s this frog man…

(quality is sooo bad please click !)

[heart-stomper]

The Plantars Discover Sitcoms

It wasn’t going to be easy, especially after everything that happened back in Amphibia, but being back home finally gave Anne some room to breathe. Ease back into what she once thought of as “normal”. And while she totally plans on going for another round of hugs with her parents, right now she has another very important thing she’d like to do:

Show off as much human stuff as she can to the Plantars.

First order of business, channel surfing. It’s a totally relaxing activity where the biggest downside is that it’s basically impossible to pick something to watch. The perfect way to have a chill afternoon, and that’s just what they could use. Nothing could go wrong. Anne gathers up the Plantars and ushers them into the living room, holding out a hand as if she’s showing off a long lost artifact.

“Alright guys, here it is. The main attraction: the television. Or y’know, a TV, for short.” as Anne says this, the Plantars give lil “ooo”s and “aaa”s as if they really are being guided through some sort of museum.

Sprig bounces closer, his eyes lighting up half from excitement but mostly from getting waaay to close to the screen. “Whoa, it’s even bigger than I thought.” his words were hushed in awe.

“Impressive. You can really see all those lil details ya couldn’t with that phone of yours.” Hop Pop quipped as he reached Sprig’s side, also getting way too close to the TV.

“It really is like a giant phone! ... Can I touch it?” Polly asked, half begging. The girl was clearly ready to pounce from the spot on the coffee table she was currently at. There’s no way Anne was gonna tell her no.

“Sure dude, go ahead.”

“YES!” with that approval, Polly sprints off the coffee table and face plants right into the TV, flying between the boys. Anne lets out a low oof along side Polly’s, but once Polly triumphantly gets back up with a semi-evil sounding laugh, Anne refocuses herself to find the remote.

Cue canned laughter. 

“Oh hey, I know that laugh track. It’s from that sitcom my parents would sometimes leave on when we’d prep dinner together.”

“What’sa sitcom?”

“Well Hop Pop, I’m pretty sure it’s short for ‘situational comedy’. They’re usually about wacky stuff happening in a mostly mundane setting, like an office.”

“That sounds... kinda boring.” Polly commented with a tinge of confusion, clearly wondering why someone would want to watch something like that.

“Trust me, when you have someone to make fun of it with, even the worst jokes are funny.”

“She makes a good point. Let’s watch it!” Sprig said from... the couch? Man, that boy is quick. Anne does a spin when she reaches the couch so she can face the TV and flop down next to Sprig, and they’re shortly joined by the others. It looks like the main characters just arrived at some fancy restaurant. A server with a bowtie approaches the table, cloche serving dish in hand.

“And now for one of our finest delicacies,” the server removes the cloche, steam billowing out and concealing whatever may lie underneath, only parting when they introduce the dish, “frog legs.”

Anne and the Plantars let out a gasp. Sprig puts a hand to his mouth, wide-eyed in horror as the people on the TV gnash and tear off flesh from those poor froggy legs. “I think I’m gonna be sick.” 

“I KNEW IT!” Polly hops in front of Anne, pointing at her so hard her arm shakes a little, “You do eat frogs!”

“What?! Ew, no no no no no! Gross! I mean, some people eat them, but I didn’t grow up with that, so it’s always seriously grossed me out! Look, I’ll just grab the remote and-” Anne grabs at the empty space next to her, realization setting in, “oh frog, I never found the remote!” Anne quickly removes Polly from her lap and starts digging.

“I thought you said this was a comedy Anne, not a horror show!” Hop Pop covers Sprig’s eyes. The sitcom’s laugh track plays again as one of the protagonists acts shocked and calls the frog legs ‘delicious’. “Are those people laughin’ at the mutilation of my brethren?!” 

Anne stops shifting her hands in between the cushions and resorts to lifting them off the couch in desperation. “’Scuse me.” She slides Hop Pop and Sprig onto the ground, “Sorry Hop Pop kinda busy.” 

The protagonists finish, or at least toss out, the remaining frog legs. Hop Pop makes a comment complaining that you should at least finish eating something you’ve killed, which catches Anne’s attention. “Finally,” Anne glances back at the TV, and for once is happy to see an empty plate, “glad that’s over.” Hop Pop removes his hands from Sprig’s eyes. Anne closes her own and relaxes a bit. Then, the server returns to the sitcom protagonists’ table. 

“We have one last meal for the evening,” the server places a new serving dish and removes the cloche once more, “escargot.”

“Escar-what now?” Hop Pop asked.

“Oh, that’s French for...” Anne’s eyes widen in knowing horror, “...snail.” She seriously needed to find that remote.

Hop Pop gives Anne a suspicious look. “And how come you knew what they meant?” Hop Pop rapidly gets more livid, “Really Anne, ya eat snails too?! And here I thought Bessie meant somethin’ ta ya!”

“What!?” Anne gasps, scandalized, “How could you Hop Pop?! You know I love Bessie like my own family!” Hop Pop softened hearing that, snapping out of his fear induced paranoia.

“Sorry Anne, you’re right. This sitcom thingy is really gettin’ in my head.” 

“Apology accepted. Wait, how’s Sprig holding-” Anne’s voice peaks as she sees Sprig’s huddled body rocking back and forth, staring at the massacre taking place on screen, “-UP?! SPRIG!” She rushes over to him. “Oh no. Don’t look! Just hold on buddy.” 

“But... I can’t look away. I want to, but I can’t!” This time the sitcom protagonists are totally disgusted with the food, a huge departure from the pleasant surprise they had with the frog legs. However, because the server has such an expectant look on their face, the protagonists keeps forcing down those snails.

“Wow, those people are acting like they got served Hop Pop’s cooking.”

“Polly!!” Anne and Hop Pop reprimand simultaneously.

“What? It’s true!” Polly is given The Look. “Fine fine, I know. ‘Think those thoughts, don’t say ‘em’.” Hop Pop looks proud for a moment, but then notices something on the screen and doubles back in horror.

“I can’t look, that one looks just like Micro-Angelo!” 

“Oh c’mon Hop Pop, they can’t look that similar.” Anne takes her eyes off the Plantars and looks back to the screen. Her eyes lock-on to the fork slowly delivering that innocent baby snail towards that horrifying monster’s mouth. She can practically hear the ‘meep’ of her sweet baby boy.

As if possessed, Anne keeps her body totally straight and speed walks up to the TV. She leans over, and feels for something on the side of it. Presses a button. And the screen goes black. 

She totally forgot you could turn it off that way.

“Yeah! Woo-hoo!!” The Plantars cheer and use their combined strength to lift up Anne, their savior, in glorious victory. Anne proudly lifts her arms up and cries tears of sweet relief.

Once the short celebration ends, and Anne is returned to the floor, she hugs the Plantars. “I’m so sorry you guys, I had no idea it was gonna be like that! I’ll make sure to be more careful next time.” 

“Aw, it wasn’t THAT bad.” Polly said, waving an arm to emphasize it really wasn’t that big a deal, “It was actually kind of fun seeing those two freak out so much.” 

“Yeah, pretty dark, but that’s nature for ya.” Hop Pop added to the reassurance train.

“Pretty sure that one’s gonna traumatize me for life, but I forgive you.” Anne still felt a bit guilty, but hearing Sprig’s words, along with the rest of the Plantars’, made her feel a lot better. “But please never show me anything like that ever again.”

“You got it buddy.” Anne brought Sprig back into a hug, and gave his head a little pat. While she didn’t have to witness most of it, Anne didn’t wanna see anything like that ever again either. So it should be an easy promise to keep.

“Hey Anne?”

“Yes Polly?”

“...Thanks for holding back and not eating us.”

Utterly frustrated, Anne’s voice once again reached a frankly impressive peak, “I NEVER WANTED TO EAT YOU GUYS!”

[capitainerowen]

My favorite cartoon show

You probably don’t know but I’m a french enby, which mean I grew up with french shows and while they’re not really great, the cartoon shows of my childhood were so great so I’m going to talk to you about my fave one, one I fell in love again like 11 months ago and who is still stuck deep in my heart: Ratz.

There is a possibility that you watched it when you were a kid because it have English/Spanish/Portuguese and others translations but I don’t think it was on screen for as long than in France (1 year only according to Wikipedia, against 3 in France) SO I need to present it to you because the fandom is really little (we’re like, 10 at max, no kidding) but the arts around it are pretty and it’s the best show with gay undertones in my heart.

Ratz is a show about two rats, Rapido and Razmo, who are best friends since forever and ever. They both live on a huge boat who ship tons of cheese all around the world who has only 3 people for the ship crew: the captain, the mechanic Svetlana and the cook Benny. There 52 episodes of 10/11 minutes and while it’s for kids, there’s a lot of adult jokes which make it still really likable today (and you can find them in french and in English for sure in YouTube and probably on Netflix (French Netflix for sure, I don’t know for the rest of the world, but you can use a VPN if you have one). There is no order for the episodes since they’re not linked to each other, however I really like the Wikipedia order so in an other post when I’ll present you the episodes, it’ll be in that order, but watch it how you want! The fact that the episodes aren’t linked creates some weird stuff (like Rapido who can swim in one episode like a boss but not at all in an other) but it’s still really fun.

If you can understand french, I really recommend you to watch the french voices because they’re really great, I promise (as a French person who prefers watching shows in their original language (with dubs) when they’re not french).

Since I’m talking about this show, I may as well present you the two mains characters, right? Of course I’ll do! Let’s go!

First of all, there is Razmo!

Razmo is a little rat, really tiny and short, really recognizable for his blue dungarees. He’s a mechanic, too nice for his own good (he’s always helping the others, not even paying attention to the fact that they’re dangerous). He loves playing music (and he’s good with some of them (for rats tastes) but doesn’t care if he’s bad at others). He’s the inventor of the ratboard (a flying vehicle made up with mouse swatter that can be compared to bike as human vehicle). He has a lot of insecurities (he has depression, he has body issues, …) and that’s makes him very vulnerable to others and easily manipulable (which even Rapido can uses against him). He’s also really loves physical demonstrations of affection, always wanting to hug Rapido despite being pushed back almost every time, but he’s also the more willing to show his affection for his best friend, saying how much he dreams of him, taking care of him. Also! He’s the one who takes care of everything: the food, the cleaning, the grosseries, … (a real housewife, he deserves a break). Despite not liking doing sports at all (at contrary to Rapido), he has a natural gift for sports.

Now for the Head-canons of that blue little rat! All the head-canons or almost all of them are made and validated by the fandom so it’s good:

Razmo is ginger head! In the show, Rapido is clearly showing his love for ginger heads and since all the fandom ships them, it’s almost like it’s canon

Razmo was adopted by bunnies! In the show, at the end of one episode, Razmo and Rapido are in shock to discover that a blue bunny in a cage looks exactly like one of his sisters and since they recognize that the bunny is indeed a bunny, it’s really close to canon

Razmo is the youngest! In the show, Rapido has a line that could say that Razmo is the oldest, however since Rapido is easily a jerk to him, judging him and everything, all the fandom agree that Razmo is the youngest of the two

Razmo is arab!

Razmo is bi as hell! In the show, he’s attracted by the frogs (for their legs especially) who are all females, he makes a plush of the flea that attacked him and hugged him during an episode because he’s craving for hugs, and at the credits of the episodes Rapido surprises him with a mouse (in French, it’s translated by “la souris” which is feminine, which could implied that the mouse is a woman but the gender is never said) BUT ALSO, he’s clearly having a thing for Rapido, always wanting to amaze him, to hug him, dreaming of him almost every nights… so yeah, huge bi rat here.

Now, Rapido! Rapido is a tall black rat all in red and black leather pant (HC or Canon, I’m not sure). He has a huge ego, loving himself more than anyone else and always thinking he’s close to some stars (and by that, I mean 2000 stars) and tries to become an actor himself. He loves to be the center of attention of everyone but only when he wants it (he lies to mussels about his life to impress them but really hates that the frogs are all in love with him). He loves to race with Razmo and to make him do all the work. While he’s often being a jerk to Razmo, pushing him away when the little rat wants a hug but he is actually the most clingy, hugging, caressing him, and he’s sliding in Razmo bed more than Razmo does it. Like Razmo, he got some insecurities: he really needs people approbation (by wanting to be popular) and just can’t handle the possibility of anyone being close to Razmo, always trying to make them go away when it happens (he fights a caterpillar, verbally attacks a lobster, tries to threw a pregnant turtle out of the ship, etc...). Also, he really is a coward, he’s scared easily and that’s make him stupider than he is, even if he’s not as stupid as he looks, having some knowledge in sorcery or maths for exemples.

Now, for his head-canons, they’re like Razmo’s, approved by the fandom (and yes, we’re still not exactly 10):

Rapido is pan, but as really low attraction to women (actually, this one is mine)! First of all, the fact that he’s pan is because he’s really attracted to everyone no matter the gender at all however women scare him. In one episode, a huge female rat is attracted by him but her attitude scares him away, and it’s the same for the frogs despite loving being the center of attention

Rapido is Italian/Arab!

When Rapido is scared, he can’t think correctly, which makes him stupider and that guides him to forget things like the fact that he can swim or think Razmo is a vampire despite the fact that it’s well known that the little rat is a huge fan of Halloween

Now, now, now… I really love this show, you know? When I was a kid, I thought it was so funny but now it just fill holes in my heart, that show helped me so much! And the fact that I can find so many LGBTQIA+ HC in the different characters helps me a lot too (even if the French Twitter was really hard to me and the other people in the fandom about that…) because representations is still a hard thing to find, you know? And since I really, really love this cartoon who give me love and hope and happiness, I wrote that whole thing in English just to share it with some people. Maybe it can give happiness to someone else? or maybe not, but I was happy to share it anyways.

Just, a little disclaimer: The show was on screens in the 2000′s (especially between 2003 and 2006) and has some caricatural picture of Asiatic people with the character of Benny who’s the cook of the show and as that, he depicted as eating everything whatever it is. That wasn’t something I noticed before but one of my friend did and it’s important to warn you before you watch it!

[nitrateglow]

2, 8 & 9

A movie that unexpectedly made me sob.

Onward. Yes, yes, it’s a Pixar movie and they’re genetically designed to get those tears flowing, but to be honest, they’ve been hit and miss for me throughout the 2010s, so when this movie made me tear up, I was pleasantly surprised.

Even the scene with the van crashing moved me. It moved me more than anything in Avengers: Endgame, that’s for sure!

Three foods or meals from a movie that I would love to eat.

All the baked goods in Kiki’s Delivery Service look delicious.

I also love a good beignet and Tiana’s looks amazing in The Princess and the Frog. Especially how she piles the sugar on top (just make sure you don’t inhale it by accident like my dumb ass has).

And even though I don’t like seafood much, that fish in Pinocchio always looked yummy. Damn shame Figaro didn’t get to eat it.

A movie I dislike but its aesthetic is on point.

Two for the Road. I don’t like the characters and I could not root for their marriage at all, but like any Stanley Donen movie, it looks damn good, from the visuals to Audrey’s costumes. Kind of a French New Wave vibe.

[harperfinkles]

My Ranking Of Every Barbie Movie

A few months ago I finally decided to watch every barbie in order. When I was a kid I loved barbie movies, but I stopped watching them after Princess & The Popstar came out, and I felt like I’ve been missing out ever since.

Here I present to you: My Ranking Of Every Barbie Movie!

Keep in mind that I’m basing this off of my personal enjoyment of each film, and not by how “good” it is. There are many movies here that are ranked high despite being objectively flawed, as well as there are movies ranked low despite being objectively good. My opinions are also subject to change, especially since some of these I’ve only seen once.

36: Barbie & Her Sisters In A Puppy Chase

This entire movie is a mess. Like most of the barbie & her sisters movies there’s no real plot. The events of this movie only happen because of bad luck, which is never a good way to kick off your movie. I also find barbie to be completely OOC in this movie. Her disorganization and lack of planning is something that isn’t present in any of the sisters movies. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy movies that humanize barbie and give her more flaws but there are way more creative ways to do it. It doesn’t help that her insistence to “keep positive!!!” and “be optimistic :)))” just robs this movie of any meaningful message.

Then after the frustrating mess that is the puppy chase itself, Chelsey STILL wins her dance competition despite the fact that barbie didn’t let her practice, and she cheated by adding her sisters and the horses to the dance. It’s unbelievably stupid. I don’t know how the writers of this movie thought we would buy into that. I’m probably never going to watch this movie again.

35: Barbie Presents Thumbelina

The main reason I don’t like this movie is because of the style of the Twillerbees. Unlike Mariposa (the only other movie that doesn’t have a barbie protagonist) their faces look inhuman in a way that makes it hard to relate to them. I would’ve much preferred if Thumbelina had just gotten the normal barbie face, just her body becoming smaller. Besides that I think the girl whose name I can’t remember is annoying, and I didn’t like Thumbelina’s plan to get on her good side to save their home. Both of their character developments were weak and unbelievable. Then once the parents were convinced to stop demolition the movie lost all of its dramatic tension. This movie isn’t ‘bad’ per say, just completely boring. Not I understand why I never rewatched this as a kid.

34: Barbie In Princess Power

This movie had so much unrealized potential, but fell apart due to its plot that went all over the place. The villain and his frog were extremely annoying, Kera’s friends were completely one note characters, and Dark Sparkle was so petty and unnecessary. The part that pissed me off the most was how Kera’s identity was revealed to everyone. First off Wes was forgiven for this way too easily, despite it completely making me lose what little faith I had in his character, and secondly her parents handled it so casually. It seemed more like she had gotten in trouble for sneaking out to go to a party than her being forced into getting superpowers and using them to fight crime in the city. Plus the animation was absolutely horrible. What is with Mattel and changing barbie’s model every new movie?

I really wish this movie was better. Barbie as a superhero is such an amazing concept, and it makes me sad to see it executed so terribly.

33: Barbie & Her Sisters In The Great Puppy Adventure

Another movie with the most annoying villains possible. They’re the core reason I couldn’t stand watching this. In addition to that I found that the treasure being under the big willow tree was completely predictable from the first ten minutes of the movie. And even though the puppies were quite cute, their voices were so annoying. There are also a few plot holes (if you can call them that) such as the metal detector app (it hurt typing that) and how the girls knew that scaling the wall of the cave would lead to where the elevator lead. Despite this I still liked learning about barbie’s childhood and all of her achievements, though her grandma was quite creepy.

32: Barbie & Her Sisters In A Pony Tale

This movie straight up has no plot. It’s the worst of the sisters movies in that regard. Many chunks of this movie felt like filler (such as the party scene), and the character conflicts were weak and contrived (such as Chelsey and Staci's). One thing that I really liked about this movie is Barbie’s character, but that’s pretty consistent with all the sisters movies that aren’t Puppy Chase. I also found the two french guys very annoying (is there any sisters movie with a good villain?).

31: Barbie: Fairytopia

I feel bad for putting this one so low, especially considering how high my placements of all the sequels are. It feels like information is revealed to quickly at the beginning and the rest of the movie is just boring. Elina is very interesting but she could use a lot more character development. The part about her being bullied for not having wings was relegated to cheesy dialogue and didn’t really amount to anything. Plus the fungi aren’t nearly as funny as they are in Mermaidia.

The main reason I’m not putting it lower is for nostalgia and setting up the rest of the Fairytopia series. Aside from that I also really liked the vibe of the one underwater scene, and the “friends you haven’t met” line was quite good. This movie is just a complete anomaly in the great track record of early barbie movies. You honestly don’t even need to watch it to understand the sequels.

30: Barbie: A Perfect Christmas

As a musical this movie really sucks. The only song that I actually liked was barbie’s one solo, and even her singing voice there really didn’t sound like her. There’s really no plot to this movie, but I did find myself enjoying the dynamic of the sisters a lot more than the other sisters movies (even though Skipper’s Arc with the concert came out of nowhere and stressed me out). The way Santa’s magic was shoehorned into the story really bothered me though.

29: Barbie Video Game Hero

The best thing about this movie is definitely the side characters. They all had nice designs and personalities, especially Bella and Chris. The concept of this movie is also so creative and fun that I actually enjoyed it way more than I thought I would. I liked it mostly during the first two levels as well as the bonus one, but the last two really soiled it for me. The fact that there’s an open world game with no clear way to win makes no sense in the context of the rest of the game, and the Just Dance advertisements are absolutely cringey. This movie has a strong beginning but really falls behind in the second half. The last scene of the movie really made me want to rip my eyes out.

28: Barbie: Spy Squad

This movie really suffers from not getting the audience to care. The characters aren’t developed enough in the opening and the way the girls got their jobs as spies seemed too easy. The storyline felt too straightforward, and even the plot twist at the end was kind of cheap.

Despite this I still really enjoyed many parts of this film. For one the animation is amazing. I loved the character designs, especially Patricia’s. Speaking of her, I thought she was a pretty good villain, even if she was a little cheesy and her ‘redemption’ arc was very clumsy. I also thought Lazlo was sweet. A lot of modern barbie movies only go halfway with the romance because they don’t want to be seen as bad role models for girls, and a lot of the times the Ken characters just seem unnecessary. I thought it was a good idea to have him be the “love interest” of a non barbie character so his inclusion doesn’t feel useless, even if they never actually got together. It was also just really fun to see all the spy technology.

27: Barbie: The Princess And The Popstar

The placing of this movie is extremely unfortunate since I actually really liked Tori and Kiera’s characters. They both had spunk and I really like the tropes of the roundy princess and the celebrity who doesn’t find satisfaction in fame. The reason this movie is so low comes down to the terrible plot. It felt like they were trying too hard to make it similar to the Princess & The Pauper even though Tori and Kiera’s characters would much better suit a different plotline. The villains were just insanely frustrating and had such unclear motivations. The songs were also pretty bad (other than Here I Am), the Ken character is annoying, and the climax has barely any emotional weight since it wasn’t led up to properly. But hey, at least Tori/Kiera is a high quality ship. If it wasn’t for their relationship this movie would be much lower.

26: Barbie: A Fashion Fairytale

I love the set up for barbie’s character in this movie. She’s just been fired for the first time, Ken broke up with her, and she feels like her life is falling apart. She really reached a new layer of dimension with this movie, and she’s the best barbie as herself character in all of the movies. My main problem is the boring plotline with the flairies. Their character’s aren’t interesting and what they do to the clothing isn’t anything special. This movie also suffers from the boring villains. Barbie’s character is my main reason for liking this movie, along with the Ken plotline, even if it could be quite contrived.

25: Barbie: Star Light Adventure

This is a very weird movie. I had completely different reactions to it during the two times I saw this movie. The first time I thought it was very disappointing. The title said “adventure” so I was very surprised when the characters spent most of the movie training in the same location and we barely got to see any cool new locations. The pace was also extremely slow, especially near the beginning. The second time I started to appreciate the movie for what it is. The animation is absolutely stunning and I love what we saw of the creatures in this universe. Sa-Lee is definitely one of my favourite side characters, and the rest of the team was pretty cool too.

They also added a bunch of new things that I think are very unique to this movie. For instance I loved that barbie’s had telekinesis. She definitely needs more superpowers in future movies. I also liked that we got to see her parents.

My main gripe with this movie has to be Constantine. He was annoying for no reason and I think the movie would’ve benefitted from either having him be nicer and more of a character arc, or having him be a full villain who’s using the team for personal gain.

24: Barbie: Mariposa & The Fairy Princess

As a sequel this movie sucks. It doesn’t cover the same themes as the first movie, we don’t get Elina telling the story, the stakes are nowhere near the height as the first one was, and the characters in the first movie don’t get nearly enough screentime. Willa and Carlos’s part in this movie was underwhelming, but I’m especially annoyed by the fact that Rayna and Rayla weren’t even mentioned once. This all probably would’ve been different had the movie been made closer to the original, and I’m extremely confused as to why they waited to make it in 2013.

However if you disassociate it with the first movie it becomes way more enjoyable. I thought Catania was sweet and lowkey ship her with Mariposa (though it still doesn’t compare to the Mariposa/Carlos/Willa OT3). The crystal fairies themselves were an interesting addition to the universe and their designs were really pretty (I actually wish I was still into barbie at the time it was released just so I could’ve got some of the dolls). The increase in animation quality was also a plus. I’m also so happy that after the first movie Mariposa started running a library. It was such a natural progression in her character arc and it’s so perfect. There are still a lot of problems, such as a villain who feels utterly disconnected from the main story, clumsiness and miscommunication being repeatedly used as plot devices, and the annoyingness that are the puffballs. I’m still glad this movie happened and if you liked the first movie you should definitely check this one out too.

23: Barbie And The Secret Door

Oh boy is this one a mixed bag. It was actually the first "new” barbie movie that I saw, but it definitely did the trick of making me want to watch the other ones.

On the positive side this movie is so pretty. I love all the bright colours and the designs for Nori and Romy. Speaking of which, they were such great side characters, and an adorable ship! I especially like Romy since she was so funny and adorable. Plus, the “what’s a boy?” comment made me laugh. I thought that the world building aspect of this movie was really interesting, even if the animal designs weren’t the best.

On the negative side, I feel like the music was extremely disappointing. It got less annoying on my second watch through, so maybe I just have to warm up to it. I also feel like the villain was boring. This movie deserved a more serious antagonist, especially since we saw how terribly she affected the fairies and mermaids. I did overall like princess Alexa, but I’m kind of unsure about her arc relating to responsibility. I think a lot of modern barbie princess movies in general just aren’t as interesting as the ones that take place in the past.

22: Barbie: Dolphin Magic

What a cute movie. I loved Isla’s so much! She and Barbie were so adorable together. The dolphin’s themselves were quite cute too.

This is a very feel good movie, and it almost makes you ignore its flaws. The main thing that annoyed me is why couldn’t they just pick up the dolphin and put him back in the ocean? He’s not even that big, and there isn’t much distance that you’d have to walk with him anyway. The plot and villain aren’t that interesting either, and the sisters were sometimes annoying (such as Staci’s broken foot having no weight on the plot, and Treasure being absolute garbage). Barbie also seems a little too perfect in this movie, which isn’t even true for the rest of the sister movies and they’re all way lower on this list. I also laughed a lot when Barbie called Ken her “Friend”, since apparently romance is too inappropriate for a barbie movie. Still, if you ignore this and just watch all the Barbie/Isla scenes, the movie is really good.

21: Barbie: Fairytopia: Magic Of The Rainbow

Being introduced to all the different fairies in this movie was so much fun. I love all their different personalities and designs, especially Glee, Sunburst, and Lumina. Elina grew so much in this movie, and it truly is the perfect ending to the trilogy. The flight of spring was really cool too. The only real flaw this movie has is how clumsily Elina’s magic abilities are added in. It almost seems like she knew how to use it all along, even if we know she didn’t.

Also Dizzle is the worst. And that one apprentice’s wings being the braids in her hair was FUCKING RIDICULOUS.

20: Barbie In Swan Lake

This movie is definitely the most legitimately beautiful barbie movie out there. The colours are so nice, the dancing is so majestic, and I’d want to live in the forest any day. Odette is one of the prettiest barbie characters and I love her wardrobe. This movie also has two of the most iconic villains of my childhood who make me laugh every time I think of them.

Despite this I still don’t think this is nearly as good as everyone makes it out to be. First off, Odette’s character arc as the ‘chosen one’ wasn’t executed believably, and she wasn’t even that interesting. The romance was way too instalove-y for my taste (even Rapunzel had a more believable romance than this). The message of this movie was also really unclear in the Chelsey scenes. Overall it’s a great fairytale that I have lots of nostalgia for, but it doesn’t hold up as well when you really dig into it.

19: Barbie: Fairy Secret

I love how Barbie and Raquelle’s relationship is expanded upon in this movie. In Fashion Fairytale Raquelle’s motivations were confusing and she felt very flat. I love how we got to see them forced to work together despite their hard feelings and eventually come to forgive each other at the end once they got to the root of their issues with each other. It’s the ideal enemies to loversfriends scenario.

This movie is just really fun. Exactly what a barbie movie should be. Barbie’s stylist friends were great, and the Ken parts were pretty funny. I do overall like the worldbuilding, though Gloss Angelos looked way to small to even be classifed as a city, let alone the biggest fairy city in the world. It’s like 90% castle and 10% actual city.

In the end I always wish that Barbie, Raquelle, and Ken remembered what happened to them, and that’s the most frustrating part about this movie.

18: The Barbie Diaries

Despite being made by a completely different studio than the other movies (and having a downgrade in animation quality), this movie really holds up today. There’s a lot going on here, and it makes the plot seem way more complex than any other barbie movie. We also get to see into barbie’s head a lot more than any other barbie as herself movie, what with her fantasies that we got to see visualized. This movie is just the perfect blend of magic and normal life, and even if I do prefer the fantasy based barbie movies, this one will always hold a place in my heart.

17: Barbie And The 12 Dancing Princesses

There really isn’t much to be said about this movie. It’s just plain good. There’s nice music, a good plot, a great villain, a cute cat character, and a girl obsessed with bugs. What more could you want?

The only thing I don’t like is the wedding scene. It seemed quite out of place. Their relationship wasn’t that important to deserve the last few minutes of the movie.

16: Barbie And The Three Musketeers

Barbie sword fighting is all I’ve ever wanted in life. This movie really broke the mold for what barbie could do. Corinne is a great protagonist, and the other musketeers were great too (even if their personalities weren’t developed that much). I love how important their friendship was and how easily Corinne integrated into their group. This movie is super fun and just makes me want to scream “GIRL POWER” from the top of my lungs.

There were still some drawbacks though. The prince was annoying, I got so tired of that one sound effect that keep on repeating over and over again (if you’ve seen the movie you know what I’m talking about), the cat was way too immature, and while the villain was good, he was not subtle at all. The movie still had a solid storyline, and I loved how it ended with the girls going on another adventure. *sigh* If only this movie had a sequel.

15: Barbie: The Pearl Princess

Lumina is one of my favourite barbie protagonists. She just felt human in a way that not many others do (even though she’s technically a mermaid, not human). She was naive, but not stupid. I loved seeing her react to a world she hasn’t seen before. This movie had such a unique approach with her aunt Scylla. Her aunt may have done something completely wrong, and she admits to that, but Lumina doesn’t ignore the way aunt Scylla has cared for her and loved her over the years. She accepts her found family and her biological family at the same time, and lets her have a chance at redemption. In addition to that I really loved Lumina’s pre transformation outfit. It’s my second favourite barbie mermaid outfit next to Nori’s in Mermaidia.

I also liked how much the animals of this movie felt like active members of society, and had intelligence levels equivalent the mermaids. I’ve never really seen that in a barbie movie, at least to this extent. Kuda was a great animal sidekick who really felt like one of Lumina’s true friends. I also like how Spike looked dangerous but was a real softie on the inside.

There are a lot of other elements of this movie that I liked too, like how sweet Fergus was, and his love of botany. I liked the gag about Caligo thinking he’s being poisoned, and being paranoid about which cup he’s gonna drink from. Even if the Ken character wasn’t utilized much, I liked his dolphin friend. My only complaint is that the climax was a little messy, and I didn’t enjoy Caligo as a villain that much.

14: Barbie In A Mermaid Tale 2

This worked very well as a sequel to the original Mermaid Tale. Eris’s return as a villain felt very natural, and this movie continued to have Merliah feel like a genuine teenager with her own dreams and mood swings. The only reason it’s lower than the first one is because the plot isn’t as all encompassing and it doesn’t feel like Merliah’s life has changed as much as it did originally, if that makes sense. The plot also feels a little too fast at times, but the pacing doesn’t affect the movie drastically.

Kylie was a wonderful addition to the cast. She was mean, but you could clearly tell that it came from her insecurities about her own talent. I cannot emphasize how well her conflict with Merliah was developed. I loved their banter at the beginning and how they came to understand each other at the end, to the point where it didn’t matter who won the competition. It’s just.....SO GAY. I love it.

Speaking of which, Fallon and Hadley were both really cute in this movie too, more so than the first one. I just love how little men there are in the Mermaid Tale movies.

13: Barbie: Princess Charm School

Last time I watched this movie a few years ago I absolutely hated it, but after rewatching it again my opinion has completely turned around. The plot of this movie may still be very basic, and the supporting characters, Princess Isla and Hadley, were very one note, but it’s the strength of the Protagonist, Blair, that really makes this movie. I love seeing her determination in an environment she’s not used to, and how selfless she was even when she’s surrounded by selfishness.

Also can we appreciate how dark this movie was? Dame Devin literally MURDERED Blair’s parents in a car accident. It’s not like that hasn’t happened in any other movie, but in this one the tone just feels a lot more jarring.

I really appreciated Delancey’s character development. She seems so cold and unforgiving at the beginning, but as more information is revealed to her she changes for the better. She was raised in such a negative environment and I can’t help but be proud of her. Her friend Portia was also really funny too. I love the “YOU STOLE MY CAKE” scene.

12: Barbie As The Island Princess

Is there anything better than crazy island girl characters who talk to animals? I think not.

I love Ro’s animal family. Azul and Sagi are essentially Ro and Tika’s dads, and it’s adorable. Azul’s peacock sounds are just absolutely ridiculous, and I love it.

The music of this movie was also soooooo good. Words cannot describe how The Rat Song makes me feel inside. On a more serious note, I Need To Know is absolutely perfect. I love the visuals that go along with it. And just when you think it’s over, Ro’s part ends and Prince Antonio comes in AND IT’S SO PERFECT.  Love Is For Peasants is also the best barbie villain song in any movie. “You need to stop reading those books. Filling your head with thoughts!” ICONIC. The soundtrack of this movie isn’t as good when listening to it outside of the context of movie when you compare it to stuff like the Princess And The Pauper, but it’s still really good nonetheless.

The romantic element of this movie was also really good. I think this is the first time on this list that I’ve listed the romance as a positive aspect. Ro and Antonio are just really compatible people who fulfill very essential parts of themselves when they meet. This may be an unpopular opinion, but I also love Tika’s development in regards to their relationship too.

The villain was pretty okay, but I especially love princess Luciana. She may be a romantic rival to Ro, but she’s a victim too, and she’s given a very sympathetic role in the story even if her mother is the villain. Her arc was very satisfying.

11: Barbie In A Christmas Carol

Not really a typical barbie movie to list as one of my favourites, but it’s a christmas essential for me. Having Barbie be Scrooge was a very risky move, but god, did it pay off. Eden was cruel, but her story is so sad. I always feel her fear when her aunt disrupts Catherine’s party. This is definitely another one of the darkest barbie movies.

Also, GHOSTS. Ghosts should have been in more barbie movies. They all had cool concepts and designs, mainly Aunt Marie and the ghost of christmas future.

Catherine was such a joy to see in this movie. She’s a very kind and selfless person, but her friendship to Eden puts her in conflict with that side of herself. Seeing her fulfilling Eden’s role in the vision of the future was actually kind of scary. It makes it all the more satisfying when Eden apologizes to Catherine in the end. I really love their friendship.

Christmas Carol was always one of my favourite christmas tales after I watched the Mickey version, and I think this movie did it justice (thought it was slightly less traumatizing than that, thankfully).

10: Barbie In The Nutcracker

Even though I’ve had a copy of this for the longest time I never really took the time to watch and appreciate it. And now that I have I’ve gotta say that this was a great start to the barbie saga. The producers still hadn’t settled on making barbie movies the way they’re known for now, and you can tell by the lack of female characters and a few of the 2D sequences, but the sense of adventure this movie has is so unlike any movie that came after. And despite the limited resources they had for animating it still ended up looking stunning. They animators had such a good sense of colour, and all the landscapes looked amazing.

Before watching this I always thought that The Magic Of Pegasus had the best (canon) romance of any barbie movie, but now I actually think that this may be better. Clara and Prince Eric have great chemistry and such a believable bond. The last dance scene was amazing and it so was heartbreaking when Clara was sent back to the real world. I love the scene when Eric visits Clara’s house and confirms that it wasn’t all a dream.

Also, I really appreciate Clara’s decision to stay in the magical world. So much media, including barbie movies, puts emphasis on people staying with their family and choosing more stable environments. What writers don’t realize is that that’s boring. We don’t watch movies to learn about people’s normal lives, and I’m so grateful that this story ended the way it did. So yeah, thanks writers.

There were also many scary moments here too. The rock monster is TERRIFYING. Maybe the reason I don’t remember this movie is because the rock monster traumatized me so much I had to repress it. The Mouse King was also quite creepy. I wish newer barbie movies committed to making scary villains like him.

9: Barbie In A Mermaid Tale

I probably have the most nostalgia towards this movie since it was always my sister’s favourite growing up. Now it’s one of the only barbie movies she’ll watch with me other than the sequel. I expected to not enjoy this movie as much since I’d kind of exhausted it by this point, but I guess I surprised myself.

As I mentioned in Mermaid Tale 2, Merliah feels like a genuine teenager. She likes her normal life and hates responsibility. Because of this her arc of deciding to save her people feels so much more genuine and poignant.

The world building of this universe is just so good. The plot with Calissa and Eris was great, and I love the scene where Merliah is picking out a tail. The world just looks so pretty and magical, even if magic doesn’t play a huge role in this film. The soundtrack sets the scene so nicely, and Queen Of The Waves is definitely one of my favourite barbie songs.

8: Barbie In The Pink Shoes

This is definitely a huge unpopular opinion, so I should get all the negatives of this movie out of the way first. The animation of the faces is extremely creepy, Kristin was very irresponsible to decide to change her routine up at the last minute, and she would’ve worked much better as a choreographer than as a dancer. Despite these flaws there’s still something about this movie that makes me love it.

For one, despite the creepy faces, the dancing animations were still pretty good. And even though Kristin’s arc wasn’t the best I still find her final dancing scenes (the one in the ice palace and the one on stage) to be so inspiring. Keep On Dancing is such an amazing song and it gave me chills the first time I heard it. The movie is also quite pretty. The ballet outfits aren’t as traditional as ones in earlier barbie ballets, but they still have flare and nice colours.

The movie is also really funny. It makes fun of the ballets it covers a lot. I love the “you don’t look a day over 16″ part. The two suitors especially, Hilarion and Prince Albrecht, were so funny. I loved how their petty jabs at each other turned into compliments when faced with adversity. Hayley was also pretty funny since she was the realist of the movie.

I think the irl characters were used very nicely in the ballet world, and I liked how when Kristin got back it turned out that everything wasn’t as bad as it seemed before. Tara wasn’t as mean and Madame Natasha wasn’t nearly as scary. That’s one of my favourite tropes in fiction.

7: Barbie & The Diamond Castle

Liana and Alexa are basically a married couple. There is literally no way to refute this. Their arguments are adorable and domestic, and they clearly love each other more than anything in the world. They may have their differences at times but when it comes down to it they know each other more than anyone else does and work together so nicely. Every aspect of their lives is intertwined so much that separation usually isn’t an option for them. My heart broke when they parted since I knew that that was how Lydia would defeat them. I cried when Liana came to Alexa’s rescue, and the movie ending with them going to back to their normal house instead of staying at the diamond castle was beautiful. Truly the best and purest barbie ship.

Now that that’s out of the way let’s talk about everything else. The plot of this movie is so unique. There is no other barbie movie that’s about music itself. The muses and their drama and betrayal with Lydia was so intriguing. Seriously, Lydia was a scary villain. I was terrified of her as a child. Liana and Alexa seemed like they’re helpless against her powers, and it feels all the more victorious when they defeat her. The last fight scene was truly epic.

I really appreciate how little Liana and Alexa care about the two twins. They’re my least favourite part of the movie, and even if they do start working with them later on in the movie it’s made very clear that they don’t care about them at all.

6: Barbie In Rock ‘N Royals

I really didn’t have high expectations for this one. It was after I had watched The Princess And The Popstar and Secret Door, which both gave me a bad feeling about barbie pop musicals. But this movie really came through and made itself my second favourite barbie musical movie, and my sixth favourite overall.

The only thing I disliked was Courtney’s weird facial design. That’s it. The rest of the movie is basically perfect.

The movie started off at a relaxing pace but I was never tricked into thinking it would end that way. I love the Camp Pop vs. Camp Royalty plotline. Finn and Lady Ann seemed simple at first but their past was revealed at the perfect time. Clive was hilarious and him becoming the real villain was executed so well.

Seeing Courtney and Erika react to the camps was a delight. Their friends were so quirky and nice to them, and the camps themselves were pretty fun too (UNICORNS). Them finally meeting at the beach was such a breath of fresh air. I could imagine them becoming great friends in the future (cough sequel cough). Erika was probably my favourite of the two since she just looked really cool and had a more interesting arc. I just love it when two groups of people who have seemingly nothing in common come together to achieve a common goal. Also I have a theory that Sloan and Princess Olivia were in love the whole time, and the competition was the first time they could smile around each other without being ridiculed by their peers.

Now, onto the music. My favourite song is probably Gotta Get To Camp. I was shocked at how good it was. The choreography was also the most interesting since it was the only time the characters spontaneously burst into song. When You’re A Princess is also such a bop.

This is definitely the first movie I’d recommend to any classic barbie fan who wants to try out some of the new ones.

5: Barbie: Mariposa & Her Butterfly Fairy Friends

This is probably the closest to a perfect barbie movie you’ll get. The protagonist is very relatable, the supporting cast is great, everyone has good development, the world is scary yet so fascinating, and the villains are amazing. Also it has a non barbie protagonist. Having Elina narrate the story was such a great decision. Mariposa really sticks out in the long list of barbie protags. Her transformation scene near the end was so great. It fits the theme of the movie so well and I think that anyone can get inspiration from Mariposa’s journey.

When it comes to characters everyone is so much fun. Carlos is another one of my favourite barbie love interests, even if the movie didn’t commit to the romance fully. He and Mariposa have their love of reading in common and they like each other for non superficial reasons. Willa is also adorable and sweet. It would be very interesting to find out how she and Mariposa met, since they’re so different, yet they’re close friends nonetheless. Rayna and Rayla are both quite interesting cases. When they first showed up I rolled my eyes and thought they’d be tossed out of the way very soon, but they continued through the story and changed as people. They gained respect for Mariposa, and vice versa. Henna was also pretty cool too.

The setting was so interesting too, more than any other Fairytopia movie. Every place looks like it has danger lurking, and he characters genuinely felt small next to the landscape. One of my favourite things in this movie has to be the absolutely horrifying Skeezites. I remember playing the DVD game as a kid and having nightmares about it later.

4: Barbie As Rapunzel

This is probably the scariest barbie movie. Unlike other scary ones like Mariposa and Diamond Castle there’s such an aura of misery and helplessness to this movie that is like no other. Gothel is the main reason for it. The tower just looks so dark and every scene in the normal world has such tension surrounding it. It makes me even more emotional when Rapunzel finally frees herself from the tower.

All the paintbrush scenes are integral barbie moments for any kid growing up. I remember being fascinated by her art, and by how hope came to Rapunzel in her worst moments. We don’t get a real answer to how the paintbrush came to be, but it doesn’t feel necessary. It’s just so beautiful.

I love the animal sidekicks in this movie too. Penelope is so adorable, and I love how she, like Rapunzel, found the courage in herself to stand up and disobey her father. And having a dragon be one of the good guys was a really risky move for the second barbie movie, but it payed off so well.

This was truly an ethereal movie.

3: Barbie And The Magic Of Pegasus

This movie definitely has the most riveting original plot of any barbie movie. Wenlock was a terrifying villain and Brietta’s story is so sad. Plus, barbie standing up for Wenlock’s wives at the end basically invented feminism. I love that it’s about an ice skating barbie, and all the skating scene were so fun too.

Shiver is also adorable. I had a lot of the dolls as a kid and the only things I have left from them are the Shiver toy and the Wand Of Light. Speaking which, that wand was so epic and pretty. The movie was just so aesthetically pleasing.

Annika is another one of my favourite barbie protagonists. Like Merliah, she genuinely feels like a true teenager who's rebelling against her strict parents, and she learns a great lesson. Aidan was also a great mirror for her and when I was younger they were my favourite barbie couple. They have lots of good banter and I really buy their relationship development. I especially love the ice dancing scene at the end.

This movie is a barbie essential for me. It represents so much of my childhood. I used to watch this movie obsessively and it’s just as good now as it was back then.

2: Barbie: Fairytopia: Mermaidia

This is kind of an odd choice for my second favourite barbie movie. This one used to be my #1 favourite before I rewatched the one coming. I was obsessed with mermaids and fairies as a kid and no other movie captured my imagination the way this one did. The land of Mermaidia is so pretty and reminds me of everything I dreamed about as a kid. It also gave me Nori, my favourite non barbie character in any barbie movie and one of my biggest childhood crushes. I love how her sass comes from her insecurities about Nalu, and how she and Elina start to like each other once they see past him.

Elina/Nori is also another contender for my favourite barbie ship. They have nice banter (and I’m sure by now you all know how much I love that) and I love the scene when Elina sacrifices her wings for a tail to save Nori (that’s totally my favourite scene in any barbie movie). I wish we got more of their relationship in Magic Of The Rainbow, but I guess that wouldn’t have fit with the movie. Oh well.

This movie works very well as a sequel, while also being better than the original in every way. We had the same villain, and we got to see a part of the Fairytopia universe that we only saw a glimpse of in the first one. After Elina got her wings it only feels natural that the possibility of her losing them again is explored, as well as the prospect that maybe she doesn’t need wings to be herself. And compared to the original movie the stakes have been raised much higher, we have more reasons to care about the characters, and it’s so much funnier. The fungi annoyed me in the first movie but in this one they made me laugh constantly. And this movie wouldn’t be complete with the amazingness that is opera Bibble.

This movie doesn’t have the best plot, but it doesn’t suffer from it either. It’s one of those movies that just makes me feel relaxed and at peace (other than the Depths of Despair scene, though at this point I’ve seen it enough that it doesn’t phase me as much anymore).

1: Barbie As The Princess And The Pauper

We all knew this was coming. No other barbie movie comes close to this classic. It’s gonna be hard to describe why I love it so much since everything that’s amazing about this movie has already been said a thousand times before, but I’ll give it a go.

Anneliese and Erika are amazing characters. They may come from different social classes but they both have the shared experience of not being able to fulfill their dreams. This movie is so good at showing you how trapped they feel, yet still their duty to their lives never waver. My mom has an interesting story about how she got into this movie. She initially thought that barbie would be a terrible role model for me and my sister until she saw The Princess And The Pauper. Anneliese and Erika are clearly very complex protagonists who have interests outside of romance and are active participants in changing their destinies and saving the kingdom. Especially with Erika, who decides to achieve her dream of becoming a famous singer before getting married to King Dominick.

This movie has a bunch of nice relationships too. Anneliese and Erika click with each other so well and respect each other’s troubles without downplaying their situations due to the class difference. The romances were both nicely developed too. Erika and Dominick may have fallen in love over the course of a day but I appreciate how much he likes her stranger side (like when he walked in on her singing to her cat lmao). Anneliese and Julian’s relationship feels especially believable since they’ve known each other for a very long time. I also really like that they waited for Erika to come back before getting married. OT4 goals.

Preminger is a barbie villain like no other. The rest of my top ten has been dominated by scary and serious villains, but Preminger is just so funny and dramatic compared to them all. He’s the only barbie villain that has became very well known in pop culture.

All of the songs in this movie are so iconic. I think that’s the biggest strength of this movie. I'm constantly listening to music and the soundtrack is a great way for me to take this movie everywhere I go. The Cat’s Meow is a beautiful song, Written In Your Heart feels so inspiring, I Am A Girl Like You is great character study, If You Love Me For Me is a beautiful and tender love song, How Can I Refuse? is an iconic villain song, and Free is a great introduction to the characters, as well as my number one favourite barbie song. Every song has something special about it and that makes it one of the most memorable movie soundtracks ever for me.

I also love the cats Serafina and Wolfie. They’re two of the best animal sidekicks in any barbie movie since they feel a lot like the human characters. THEY ALSO HAVE SO MANY BABIES IN THE END FUCKING GOD.

I hope you all enjoyed my ranking. Feel free to comment with your favourites and least favourites, just be aware that this is all personal to me and really says nothing about the objective quality of each of these movies.

[roseisread]

My Year in Movies: Favorite Non-2018 Feature Films (Part 3)

In case you missed it, check out part 1 and part 2! Now picking up where we left off...

28. My Cousin Vinny (1992, directed by Jonathan Lynn, country of origin: US)

I know, I know. I can’t believe it either. But I really hadn’t seen this one til just a few short months ago. Marisa Tomei is, of course, a megababe in it; and Joe Pesci wears the hell out of some ridiculous outfits as he portrays a very unconventional defense attorney trying to help his cousin and a friend beat a murder charge. I laughed and laughed and cheered and laughed some more. Best courtroom scenes I watched all year, (and I watched A Few Good Men this year so that’s saying something). If this is still a blind spot for you, or you just want to revisit it, you can rent it on Amazon for 99 cents right now. 

27. After Hours (1985, directed by Martin Scorsese, country of origin: US)

Talk about things that escalate quickly: In this movie, Griffin Dunne’s character Paul meets a fellow book lover/manic pixie dream girl type (Rosanna Arquette). However, when he accepts her invitation for a late night rendezvous at her place, she quickly turns into a manic pixie nightmare girl. By morning, Paul finds himself a fugitive on suspicion of burglary, sex crimes, and murder in a neighborhood it’s safe to say he will never visit again. It’s a more heightened, comedic take on the classic “wrongfully accused” genre, and Dunne plays every note of desperation perfectly. You can watch this for free on Vudu, or rent on other streaming platforms. 

26. The Big Clock (1948, directed by John Farrow, country of origin: US)

The Big Clock actually has a few things in common with the aforementioned After Hours--hardworking New York City guy agrees to drinks with possibly sketchy woman and winds up the prime suspect in a murder. The whole thing takes place over a 36-hour period, and as you might guess the Clock of the title is ticking. The cast is great--Ray Milland, Charles Laughton, Maureen O’Sullivan--and the film balances humor and suspense with ease. Fun fact, the movie is directed by John Farrow, father of Mia. The movie is available for online rental through Amazon, Vudu, and iTunes.

25. The Doll (1919, directed by Ernst Lubitsch, country of origin: Germany)

I adore Ernst Lubitsch, who directed The Shop Around The Corner, To Be or Not To Be, Trouble in Paradise, and Design for Living. Before his English-language talkies, however, he got his start in Germany with silent films like Die Puppe (The Doll). Starring the effervescent Ossi Oswalda (basically the silent era’s Greta Gerwig), this comic fantasy skewers romantic conventions. 

Lancelot is a young prince who must marry in order to receive his inheritance; but he’s afraid of women (or possibly gay... it’s easy to read it that way). He buys what he think is a life-like doll to deceive his family and avoid marriage to a real girl; but little does he know Ossi is actually a real girl pretending to be a doll. It’s all very silly and over the top and winking, and also one of the most hilarious and charming rom-coms this side of the Hallmark channel. The physical comedy is outstanding, the social commentary is scathing, and Ossi is the hero we didn’t know we needed. There are a few versions floating around on YouTube or you can rent it for a few bucks on Amazon. I caught it on Filmstruck during a Lubitsch spotlight, and my life has never been the same.

24. Talk To Her (2002, directed by Pedro Almodovar, country of origin: Spain)

Pedro Almodovar can take the most seemingly absurd situation or plot contrivance and draw out something truly human and moving. He excels at shining a light on damaged but compelling characters, and doing everything with such style and panache that you let your guard down completely and before you know it you’re rooting for someone you ordinarily would scoff at from a distance. This movie’s story focuses on two comatose women and their caretakers, and delves into the limits of love and consent in fascinating, disturbing ways. I had no idea where this film was going but I was with it every second. Available for rent on most online platforms.

23. Crash (1996, directed by David Cronenberg, country of origin: Canada)

From the king of body horror, David Cronenberg, comes a movie about people who find eroticism where most people would find repulsion. Based on the controversial book by J.G. Ballard, this film follows a group of people who are aroused by car accidents and the injuries that result from metal and flesh colliding. It sounds macabre and at times it is, but under the surface are deeper themes that question what is considered “normal” versus “fetish” and why bodies that are whole and untarnished are worshiped while those that have distinguishing marks are tossed aside. There’s also certainly a critique of consumerism and cars as status symbols, and probably a lot more I missed on first viewing. Who better to portray a sexual deviant than James Spader? He’s joined by Holly Hunter, Elias Koteas (you’ll never think of Casey Jones the same way again), Deborah Kara Unger, and Rosanna Arquette. This is a tough one to track down--nowhere online right now, and it’s out of print on physical media; but if you see it at a thrift store or your local library, check it out. 

22. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920, directed by Robert Wiene, country of origin: Germany)

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari is one of those movies that gets referenced a lot but I still wasn’t sure exactly what to expect from this silent German Expressionist film. Sometimes watching such a revered classic can be a little daunting--will I like as much as I’m “supposed to”? Thankfully, I did. Basically all of goth culture could probably trace its lineage back to this weird, creepy, twisty film. The elaborate, off-kilter set design and mind-bending story got under my skin in the best way. I won’t say much about the plot--just watch it (on YouTube unofficially or rentable on various streaming services).

21. Duck Soup (1933, directed by Leo McCarey, country of origin: US)

My introduction to the Marx Brothers was A Night at the Opera, and I went gaga for their rapid-fire verbal gymnastics and their gonzo physical comedy. This film takes it to the next level and throws in some political satire for good measure. So many incredible, iconic routines; song and dance sequences; and dialogue that you have to watch at least 4 times to catch all the jokes. I’m officially a fan of the Marx Brothers after this. You can rent it on most streaming sources, but I’m guessing if you have a male relative over the age of 50 you could probably borrow it from their collection. It’s very popular with Dad/Uncle demographic, and I can see why.

20. They Live by Night (1948, directed by Nicholas Ray, country of origin: US)

Nicholas Ray is quickly becoming one of my all time favorite directors. Rebel Without a Cause, In a Lonely Place, Johnny Guitar, The Racket, and now They Live By Night--just stunning movies about troubled souls who don’t quite fit in with the rest of the world. This film lays the template for so many that would come after it: Young couple, good girl falls for bad boy, they go on the run from the law, love is not all you need.

When things are good, they’re really good and lead characters Keechie (Cathy O’Donnell) and Bowie (Farley Grainger) are rapturously crazy in love. But they also bicker believably when the past begins to bleed into the present, leading to one of my favorite exchanges in the film. Bowie confronts Keechie about her whereabouts, and when she informs him she’s been to the doctor “about the baby we’re gonna have,” he bursts out, “That’s all I need!” She fires back, “You don’t see me knittin’ anything, do ya?”

This is a Criterion film, so you may have to get it from the library or catch it on TCM until the Criterion streaming service launches later this spring. Either way, it’s a must-watch, especially if you love movies like Badlands and Bonnie and Clyde.

19. Paprika (2006, directed by Satoshi Kon, country of origin: Japan)

Look, I love Inception as much as the next person, but now that I’ve seen Paprika I must admit Christopher Nolan owes a major debt to Satoshi Kon for the way he portrays dreams and reality intersecting in uncanny ways. The difference is Satoshi Kon did it with much more weirdness and color and unsettling body horror. Don’t ask me to explain this movie, I’m not even 100% sure it can be unraveled all the way into a linear structure; but it is zany and wonderful in the best way. There’s no Tom Hardy but there is a girl who turns into a butterfly and a band of frogs and a creepy clown and a really fat guy who’s in love with the smart scientist lady... I’m telling you, you gotta see this thing. You can stream it for free on Crackle; otherwise it’s a $2.99 rental from Amazon and Vudu.

18. Good Time (2017, directed by the Safdie Brothers, country of origin: US)

If you missed this in 2017, PLEASE watch it now. Robert Pattinson gives his career best performance as a fast talking petty criminal trying to get his mentally handicapped brother out of jail after making him an accomplice to his own crimes. The soundtrack by Oneohtrix Point Never combined with the Safdie Brothers mesmerizing cinematography make for a hypnotic, propulsive viewing experience. Newcomer Taliah Webster delivers an excellent supporting performance as an unwitting sidekick partway through the film. Watch for free on Amazon Prime or rent on Vudu or YouTube.

17. Cleo From 5 to 7 (1962, directed by Agnes Varda, country of origin: France)

My first foray into the filmography of Agnes Varda, and I loved it. Cleo, a French pop singer, spends a couple hours trying to distract herself from anxiety and dread as she awaits the results of a biopsy. She buys a hat, plays with her kittens, and argues with her male collaborators over song choices. 

Eventually she meets a stranger and they walk around Paris in a vignette that almost certainly influenced Richard Linklater’s entire milieu. Cleo mulls her possible fate and concludes “as long as I’m beautiful, I’m alive”--a notion Blondie would later reference in their tongue in cheek tune “Die Young, Stay Pretty.” But as much as she is fixated on her appearance, she finds herself struggling to be taken seriously by men who dismiss her because of her beauty. 

Special shout out to Michel Legrand, who we learned today has left the mortal plane: He composed the lovely score for this film and also appears in it as Cleo’s pianist.

I watched this on the now-defunct Filmstruck, but it’s part of the Criterion Collection so your best bet is probably getting it from the library or waiting for it to show up when Criterion’s streaming service launches later this spring.

16. Happy Together (1997, directed by Wong Kar-Wai, country of origin: Hong Kong)

Wong Kar-Wai captures unfulfilled romantic longing on film better than just about anyone. If you’ve seen In the Mood for Love or Chungking Express you already know this. Happy Together turns the director’s eye once again toward people on a collision course of love, lust, and disfunction. Leslie Cheung (RIP) and Tony Leung portray a couple hoping their toxic relationship will hit the reset button with a change of scenery when they relocate from Hong Kong to Argentina. At times their passion manifests as tenderness, as in a moving dance sequence; other times, volatility erupts into violence. When one of them meets someone new, the possibility of a simpler, sweeter kind of love  offers an alternative to the cycle of codependency and betrayal. This one is out of print right now on DVD, but check your local library or used movie store and you may get lucky.

15. La Dolce Vita (1960, directed by Federico Fellini, country of origin: Italy)

You’ve got sumptuous Italian vistas, Marcello Mastroianni being gorgeous, Anita Ekberg dancing in the fountain, and a bunch of hedonism that leads down a path of inevitable emptiness and/or destruction. Personally, I prefer this one to Fellini’s 8 1/2--it’s filled with  so many scenes that could work as stand alone short films; and there’s more humor and exuberance here than in his better known, meta film experience. The 174 minute runtime may seem intimidating but for me it flew by. Available with Filmbox on Amazon right now, also part of the Criterion Collection.

14. Cooley High (1975, directed by Michael Schultz, country of origin: US)

If you’ve enjoyed movies like Dazed and Confused, American Graffiti, Boyz N the Hood, or even Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, you should really watch Cooley High. Filmed in Chicago, it follows a group of friends in high school as they skip class in favor of visiting the Lincoln Park zoo, recite poetry, go to parties, make out with girls, get into fights, and navigate the tenuous border between youth and adulthood. Full of laughs, heart, and clear-eyed realism in place of the occasional sentimentality that seeps into movies about “young folks,” this must-see of Black cinema influenced independent filmmakers like Spike Lee and Quentin Tarantino. You can rent it on Vudu, or pick up a physical copy on Blu-ray or DVD.

13. Poltergeist (1982, directed by Tobe Hooper, country of origin: US)

Out of all the major blindspots I caught up with in 2018, this is the one that both impressed me the most and made me wonder why it took me this long to see it. I think I just assumed that it would be super cheesy or super scary or somehow both? Needless to say, I was wrong. It’s a blast! Funny, scary (but in a way I loved), original, and one of the best portrayals of family I’ve seen on screen. I now plan to watch this at least once a year to celebrate Halloween the same way that I watch Independence Day on July 4th, Elf/Jingle All the Way/Christmas Vacation at Christmas, and Nightmare Before Christmas/Donnie Darko for Halloween. I’m sure that everyone else in the world has seen it, but if you by some chance have not, go watch it right now! It’s available for rent on YouTube, Amazon, and GooglePlay.

12. Arthur (1981, directed by Steve Gordon, country of origin: US)

This one really surprised me. I became vaguely aware of its existence around the release of the terribly reviewed Russell Brand version; but no idea what to expect when I impulsively clicked the “watch now” button on Filmstruck. At first, Dudley Moore came across as an obnoxious drunken boor, but as I kept watching I realized the levels to his character went much deeper than it seemed at first. John Gielgud immediately won me over as Arthur’s butler Hobson, who loves Arthur like a son despite his many shenanigans. Then Liza Minnelli shows up on screen and isn’t she cute as a button! If you only know her as Lucille II from Arrested Development, you really owe it to yourself to see her in her heyday. You might not think Buster is so crazy for embracing “our nausea.” 

This movie became one of my favorite romantic comedies, in some ways a Cinderella story and in some ways a coming of age story and in most ways something wholly original. It’s a very special film, and deserves a wider audience among today’s movie fans. It’s a $1.99 rental on most platforms right now, so you have no excuse.

11. McCabe & Mrs. Miller (1971, directed by Robert Altman, country of origin: US)

I knocked out a few Altman films last year, and they were all good but this one was my favorite. I’m not always a fan of Westerns, but this one, which finds Julie Christie’s Madam teaming up with Warren Beatty’s Gambler to open a brothel, well, it’s different. I have a feeling Altman (and maybe his cast) watched Johnny Guitar, an earlier entry on my list, because this is another case in which a powerful woman with a mind for business upends the natural order of things (aka men being in charge). 

The writing here is wonderful, especially the dialogue, which includes such gems as “You know how to square a circle? Shove a four by four up a mule’s ass!” but also some more gentle, sweet exchanges and voiceover. There are also some gorgeous shots in this film, unsurprising with cinematographer Vilmos Zsigmond on board (who also shot Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Deliverance, and Blow Out just to name a few). 

Watch it via rental on Amazon, GooglePlay, or iTunes.

Next up: The Top 10! Stay tuned! 

[zimmerdouche]

This is something I’ve had saved on my computer since like June but I still have a lot of thoughts about the Poindexter family.

I forget where it was I read this, and whether it was actually canon or not, but effectively it said that the entire Samwell Hockey Team came from a place of privilege because hockey is an expensive sport.

Consider: Dex is a multiple. More specifically, a triplet. Three kids going to college at once? And that money related stress, piled on since birth? Save your money, Poindexter, because even though you aren’t that bad off you aren’t the only one that needs tuition and equipment.

I know Ngozi tweeted about Dex only having an older brother but let me have this.

Let’s talk more about the Poindexter triplets.

Wyatt Joseph Poindexter

The youngest triplet. Laid back, big thinker, just wants everyone to get along.

He grew a beard after high school because he was so. Fucking. Tired. Of being mistaken for his older brother. He’s only an inch shorter and everyone called them the Weasley twins, there needed to be a change.

Poster Boy for the rustic hipster aesthetic. Plaid shirts with the sleeves rolled up, ripped jeans, knit beanie, Timbs, occasionally suspenders? Plus a beard? Actual Lumberjack Wyatt Poindexter.

At the University of Maine majoring in Communication Sciences and Disorders with a minor in music. He’d like to focus on music education for the hard of hearing.

Fluent in American Sign Language. (He is the Number One Fan of Holly Maniatty, interpreter at hip hop concerts.) Can also stumble his way through casual conversation in French.

L o v e s music and will listen to any genre. Literally any, but he especially loves stuff that he can play on his guitar, and artists like John Mayer, Jack Johnson, Brett Dennen, Counting Crows, so on and so forth. He loves listening to lyrics and dissecting meaning and context, and will write his own lyrics on occasion.

He was a sprinter in high school and was pretty good but chose not to continue in college even though a few schools showed interest.

Gay and demisexual. He came out after his freshman year, after a lot of soul searching, meditation, and GSA meetings, to his siblings, whose collective response was “oh shit me too, thank God.”

Drives a truck older than he is with a bench seat and a paint job that’s mostly rust. He hot boxes it regularly and honestly? A big Triplet Bonding Event, especially after the Poindexters start college, is driving out to the middle of nowhere at midnight with snacks and drinks and weed and smoking in the bed of the truck, looking at the stars, and talking about life.

Group chat: has it on Do Not Disturb because his siblings never shut up. Will occasionally interject with one liners. Sends Snapchat screenshots of himself looking Bored as Fuck in any lecture that isn’t directly related to his career path and also plaid related memes.

Winona Jane “Ryder” Poindexter

The second oldest/middle triplet and the only girl. Fiercely protective and stubborn. Will kick your ass. Will kick everyone’s ass. Will kick her own ass.

Everyone calls her Ryder (like, Winona Ryder, the actress) because she absolutely despises the name Winona. The number one way to piss her off is to call her Winona, or God forbid, Winnie (Will does it when he wants her attention. She threatens murder).

Also at UMaine, studying bioengineering. Her ultimate goal is to lead a research team focused on artificial organs, but she has also considered becoming a professor. She’d be a great lecturer because she tends to ramble.

A thrift store fiend with a need to look like she came straight from the nineties. She likes mom jeans, denim in general, crop tops, Chuck Taylors, and UMaine athletic wear. She also steals her brothers’ flannel shirts.

She was on the color guard in high school and continues to be on the color guard in college. She’s damn good at it too. Can do some basic gymnastics/tumbling, but the back handspring is about as fancy as she can go. Damn good at dancing in general. She also loves to swing dance, and while she couldn’t get Wyatt into it she managed to get Will to dance with her and he enjoys it much more than he’ll ever let on.

Her freshman spring semester she took a video editing class and part of the class was start a YouTube channel so that she could upload assignments to it. She chose to do a vlog channel and she titled it “Ryder Die,” and she just kinda stuck with it after the class ended. Will and Wyatt make regular guest appearances.

Lives for Spongebob related memes. It’s a problem. Wyatt had to ban her from showing Spongebob memes in the car because she would try to show him like one every three minutes while he was driving.

Bisexual as fuck and... uncomfortably open about her sex life. Ryder, your brothers do not want to know about that. Stahp.

Group chat: Ryder’s contact names from both of her brothers are just various Winona Ryder characters. She’ll purposely call Wyatt Will and Will Wyatt. “Guys how does this outfit look?” (30 seconds later) “Why am I asking you two I look fantastic”

William Jacob “Will” “Dex” Poindexter

The oldest triplet. High strung, reserved, very loyal and very protective, even more so than his sister.

His siblings call him Will, Samwell Men’s Hockey calls him Dex. His siblings will probably never call him Dex, it’s just weird. Do you call your brother by his last name? Why would you? You have the same last name!

Studying computer science/engineering at Samwell University.

Does the guy own anything that ISN’T plaid? Yes, he does, but you wouldn’t know it by looking at him. God, does he look like his brother.

Can stumble his way through a few songs on the guitar and can carry a tune better than his brother, (“Fuck you, Will! You’re not even going into music!”) but refuses to sing in public. He may hum, if you’re lucky.

Defensemen on the Samwell Men’s Hockey team.

Left handed so, basically, if Wyatt didn’t have a beard, they’d be completely mirrored. They are identical, after all.

Bisexual with a pretty strong male preference.

Group chat: Bickers with Ryder a lot, usually if he instigates conversation it’s to complain about his defense partner Derek Nurse. He does this often enough that Ryder suspects they’re dating. Once, when they were actually getting along, he sent a selfie and Ryder’s response was, of course, a Spongebob meme – “OH NO HE’S HOT!”

These three together? Oh boy

This bit is more about their parents but is required for context: Papa Marcus Poindexter is a Baptist worship pastor. Mama Cara Poindexter was Irish Catholic but converted after she started dating Marcus. They are… extremely conservative, more so than the rest of their extended family, and it’s not exactly a healthy environment for the triplets. They’ve all set off firecrackers in the baptismal pool though.

All three of them have like, three different personalities, depending on who is around them. There’s the “I’m with my parents” personality, which will always prevail in any situation and is very submissive and agreeable, the “I’m with my siblings but not my parents” personality, which will prevail provided their parents are not around and is very loud and laughter filled, and then “I’m with anyone else but not my siblings” personality, which is at any other time and shifts based on who they’re talking to.

Their group chat is. A mess. The name changes constantly and most of the time it’s just them bitching about everyone they know.

Favorite GC Names include:

Those Damn Poindexter Kids

Poindexter Meme Team

Will/Ryder/Wyatt is the Hot One

Which one are you again?

Fluent in American Sex Language

God Nerfed Us

Our Hair is Red because the Devil is Our Father

Mad 4 Plaid

Summer after their freshman year of college, some guy named Jake Nichols made a bet with his buddy that he could hook up with all three of them at least once. He did it, the madman, and they don’t figure it out until MONTHS later and it’s the best story to tell at parties, but only when all three of them are there together.

Wyatt and Will run in the mornings when they’re together, Will and Ryder will do dexterity training together, and Ryder and Wyatt will do your Everyday Gym Trip together (where Ryder does strength training and Wyatt general Fitness Upkeep).

Ryder and Wyatt visit The Haus when the Frogs are juniors:

So damn polite, oh my god, Bitty LOVES them because they all want to help in the kitchen like Dex does, and they brought even MORE food, bless their hearts. 

Wyatt gets along with Nursey like a house on fire. Ryder won’t stop doing eyebrow waggles at Dex every time he and Nursey say anything to each other.

Graduates are visiting bc plot and Ryder is well on her way to hook up with Ransom when he realizes that he doesn’t live there anymore and there’s no room to go to, whoops. He tried to ask Dex if he could flirt with his sister and Dex r e f u s e d to broach the topic with him. “If she wants to it’s fine.” “But-” “IF SHE WANTS TO IT IS F I N E.”

Wyatt brings his guitar and there’s a jam session in the front yard, somehow he convinces Will to sing. It’s an exciting time, Nursey brings out a ukulele and everyone’s humming along and somehow there’s a firepit is this even legal? The music is great though, even though it’s 3 AM and the Lax bros are pissed.

IDK how but they’d get Nursey and Dex together. They conspire with Chowder and maybe Bitty and just. Make it happen. Witchcraft.

Fin.

[disneyelite]

14 Romantic Photo Ops at Disney World

With engagement season coming to a close, many couples are heading to the Happiest Place on Earth to experience the magic of their favorite movies. It’s the perfect place to capture romantic photo ops in front of the castle, revisit classic stories from your childhood, and let the world know you are ready to spend the rest of your life with that special someone. With stunning backdrops and the ever-present feeling of nostalgia, it’s no wonder Disney World’s Magic Kingdom is one of the most popular locations for proposals in the United States. Even more, a trip to Disney with your significant other is about being yourself and building your unique fairytale romance. Part of that experience is deciding on the most memorable photo spots to showcase your relationship. Whether it’s about revealing common interests, immortalizing where you first met, or creating your very own love story, the perfect venue comes from finding something that represents you as a couple. Below are 14 dreamy picture opportunities for couples to enjoy throughout Disney World Parks and Resorts all year long. Table of Contents 1. Port Orleans Magical Photo Spots One of my favorite resorts to stay at is Disney’s Port Orleans. Staying here, no matter which side you choose, is like getting two fantastic locations for the price of one. The food alone at Port Orleans French Quarter is enough to make the mouth water, especially with menu items like Mickey-shaped beignets, Jambalaya, and Crawfish Étouffée. Toss in the wrought-iron balconies and gates lined with gas lamps, along with all the excitement of Mardi Gras, and it's your very own dream come true.

Photo by Victoria Smith Add to the magic by dressing up as your favorite Princess and the Frog characters, like Victoria Smith and her very own Prince Naveen. While they are on their way to Mickey's Not-So-Scary Halloween Party in this photo, dressing up at Disney is always a great way to start a photoshoot.  See more of Victoria's photos here!

Lindsay and Cody at Disney's Port Orleans Resort - Riverside

Engagement Photos taken by Nathan Root Photography What really sells the magic is the quaint splendor of Riverside. With a stunning backdrop of the Sassagoula River, lush greenery, and architecture set in the style of stately Southern mansions, this side of the resort has plenty to offer in terms of picturesque beauty. To see more of Lindsay and Cody’s lovely engagement photos taken by Nathan Root at Riverside, visit her Instagram. 2. Epcot: Spaceship Earth Photo Op for Couples The most recognizable part of Disney’s Epcot, the Spaceship Earth globe, is not something many think of as romantic right away. However, the origins of the park, and what the icon stands for, are undeniably similar to aspirations as a couple. The park itself initially aimed at being a fully functioning community where innovation and progress thrived.

Samanta and Barry Eldridge at Entrance to Disney's Epcot

Stephen and Emily Mildner: Photo Taken by Randy Chapman Today, Epcot still stands as a beacon of creativity, forward-thinking, and inspires a love for the earth and all those who inhabit it. An engineering marvel, the Spaceship Earth ride and the globe many affectionally call a “golf ball” are a striking example of all that Epcot embodies. Imagination meeting compassion and striving toward a better tomorrow, who doesn’t want that?

Ellen and Joshua Smock at Disney's Epcot 3. Animal Kingdom: Tree of Life Legend has it that the Tree of Life grew from a seed planted by an ant. This tiny insect wanted nothing more than to bring shelter to all the animals in a barren land. His wish for the tree to grow came true, and the images of every animal the baobab tree harbored soon materialized on its trunk. The legend is just a glimpse of the magic and natural wonder we feel when faced with a marvel like the Tree of Life. While we know this tale to be the work of some of the best storytellers in the industry, its theme of wishes, growth, and life are all very real images. And what better scenery is there for couples than a symbol of unity and family?

Devan Spinner and Richard Gonzalez at Disney's Animal Kingdom

Danielle Kendrick and Randy Scudder at Disney's Animal Kingdom The great thing about the Tree of Life is that there are plenty of different places to pose for the ideal snapshot. Below are some of the best places to start. In Front of the Tree: This is the obvious choice. Though whether you take the photo right at the base of the tree or far enough to catch the bustling mercantile shops in the shot is up to you. Walking Trails: There are numerous walking trails winding around the tree, all of which offer an up-close view of the intricate details on the tree’s trunk. You won’t get the full view, but it’s a unique perspective on a beautiful architectural piece.

Stefanie and Daniel Gutierrez III in front of the Tree of Life at Disney's Animal Kingdom  Pathway Between Africa and Asia: When passing between the two continents, a fantastic view of the tree emerges across the river. Not only does this viewpoint come with a PhotoPass photographer willing to take your photo, but you get to see a whole new set of animals carved into the trunk, as well. Nighttime “Awakenings” Show: If you stay at Animal Kingdom long enough, then the opportunity to see the “Awakenings” light show on the tree is one you can’t pass up. Gorgeous streams of color illuminate the park icon, bringing to life the spirits of playful animals who inhabit the tree and enact fun, little stories for guests to enjoy.

Photo Submitted by Crystal Lukacz 4. Magic Kingdom: Fantasyland Princess Locations The expansion of Fantasyland back in 2012 brought a whole new assortment of magical photo spots with the addition of beloved Disney princess scenes. Among these enchanting locales is Prince Eric’s Castle from Disney’s The Little Mermaid, as well as Gaston’s Tavern and Beast’s Castle from Beauty and the Beast. All are a great way to dive into the story of some of Disney’s most celebrated classics with your very own princess or Prince Charming. You can also spice things up with adorable “His & Her” t-shirts or costumes.

Cody Simmons and Sarah Newman in front of Prince Eric's Castle in Fantasyland

Jessica and Michael Ghilardi outside Gaston's Tavern in Fantasyland If the scenery alone isn’t enough to entice you, then try a character meet-and-greet with the Disney princesses. Especially if you are celebrating an engagement, these characters are more than happy to make your experience a magical one. Depending on the crowds, the princesses are a fun way to interact with storybook characters, take fun engagement poses, and receive personalized signatures to commemorate the occasion.

Photo Submitted by Sheri McManigle Bova

Photo Submitted by Sheri McManigle Bova 5. Hollywood Studios: Star Wars Galaxy's Edge Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge opened in Florida last year and has been a frequent location for tourists and locals alike. There are numerous photo locations for couples that allow them to step into one of their favorite movie franchises, including the famous shot with the Millennium Falcon outside of Smuggler’s Run.

Source: Jordan Pickett

Source: Jordan Pickett

Cody Simmons and Sarah Newman outside Smuggler's Run at Hollywood Studios One of the best things about finding that special someone to share your life with is having someone who also shares your interests. If you’ve found someone who loves Baby Yoda as much as you do, they’re a keeper. When you tell them, “I love you,” do they respond with “I know?” You’ve found the one! So feel free to geek out as much as you want in a location that represents something you both love. And even if your significant other doesn’t quite understand why everyone keeps saying “Bright Suns,” then this is still the perfect opportunity to share something you love with them. Until then, may the spires keep you.

Danielle Kendrick and Randy Scudder outside Smuggler's Run at Hollywood Studios 6. Yacht & Beach Club Romantic Photo Ops An often overlooked venue is Disney’s Yacht & Beach Club Resorts. While many newlyweds immediately think of places like the Grand Floridian or Disney’s Polynesian, the Yacht & Beach Club provides just as many lovely picture opportunities for couples who love the appeal of the seaside. Modeled after New England retreats like Martha’s Vineyard and Cape May, the resort is a romantic getaway complete with elegant lighthouses, a stunning pier, and a view of the beach. While barricades and ropes now line the rim of the lagoon, it’s still an excellent backdrop for those wanting a taste of coastal charm.

Joshua and Ellen Smock at Yacht & Beach Club 7. Disney Duo Character Photos for Couples While we already talked about posing with the Disney princesses for a fun photo excursion, another great way to bring character to your social media posts is by posing with popular duos. Characters like Anastasia and Drizella, Cinderella’s stepsisters, capitalize on magical moments with their hilarious take on…well, everything! Other character meet-and-greets like Mickey and Minnie are a great way to illustrate the sweet side of your relationship.

Cody Simmons and Sarah Newman at Adventurer's Outpost While Toy Story characters Woody and Buzz no longer do meet-and-greets together, Woody now greets guests with his love interest, Bo Peep. Some other fun character duos to meet throughout the parks are listed below. Character Duo Meet-and-Greet Locations: Aladdin and Jasmine: Agrabah Marketplace, Adventureland at Magic Kingdom Anastasia and Drizella: Castle Wall, Fantasyland at Magic Kingdom Anna and Elsa: Royal Sommerhus, Norway at Epcot Bo Peep and Woody: Toy Story Land at Hollywood Studios Chip and Dale: DinoLand U.S.A. at Disney’s Animal Kingdom & Hollywood Boulevard at Disney’s Hollywood Studios Mickey and Minnie: Adventurer’s Outpost at Animal Kingdom Mike and Sulley: Animation Courtyard at Hollywood Studios

Kristin and Eric Trusso at Disney's Hollywood Studios 8. Polynesian Resort Memorable Photo Spots Say “Aloha” to paradise with a trip to Disney’s Polynesian Resort. This island-themed getaway is brimming with romantic photo ops. Think volcano pools with cascading waterfalls, colorful and exotic landscaping, and lazy beaches with hammocks and swings galore. There’s even a spectacular view of the castle and a great location to watch fireworks at night. Plus, cast members distribute free leis to guests at check-in, as well as to those dining at Disney’s Spirit of Aloha dinner show. So slipping seamlessly into the feel of a Hawaiian vacation is a breeze.

Stuart and Pamela Kennedy at Disney's Polynesian Resort

Kevin Raymond and Yazmin Lugo at Disney's Polynesian Resort

Photo of Couple on the Beach at Polynesian Resort Even if you don’t stay on-site at the Polynesian Resort, it’s still one of the best places to get a bite to eat. Here is a glimpse of what you’ll find on your culinary journey into this tropical retreat. Capt. Cooks: Counter-service breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Kona Island: Serves pastries and coffee for breakfast, and made-to-order sushi in the afternoon. Oasis Bar & Grill: A lunch and bar service that serves fare from burgers to salads. ‘Ohana: Offers character breakfasts with Lilo and Stitch, and Hawaiian style dinners with fun, themed activities for dinner. Pineapple Lanai: A great place to get the famous Dole Whip! Spirit of Aloha Dinner Show: A dining experience complete with hula dancers and fire dancing. Trader Sam’s Tiki Terrace: A great place to enjoy live music while you sit back and enjoy your tasty beverages.

Stuart and Pamela Kennedy at Disney's Polynesian Resort 9. Magic Kingdom: Rapunzel Lanterns Fairytale Photos One of the most mesmerizing moments in a Disney movie is the floating lantern ceremony in Tangled. Not only is it visually dazzling to watch all those glowing lights soar off into the night sky, but it’s a touching scene where Flynn Rider and Rapunzel realize they’ve fallen in love with one another. Right outside Rapunzel’s Tower in Magic Kingdom’s Fantasyland, guests recreate this same magical experience with a lantern of their own. These fairytale photos allow couples to step into the beauty of their own love story and “see the light” in a whole new way.

Cody Simmons and Sarah Newman at Magic Kingdom

Stuart and Pamela Kennedy at Magic Kingdom

Billy Archiello and Courtney May at Disney's Magic Kingdom 10. Animal Kingdom: Africa Adventure Photos As you enter the streets of Harambe, the sights and sounds of Africa greet you with an intoxicating allure. Whether they inspire you to dance, shop, or enjoy a quick bite to eat, the surroundings instantly enchant all those who arrive. With exciting walking trails, safari rides, and the Festival of the Lion King all in one area, a visit to Harambe is one of the best ways to show off your adventurous side as a couple.

Eric and Kristin Trusso on Wild Africa Trek

Jessica and Michael Ghilardi on Wild Africa Trek Whether engaged in a challenging expedition through Wild Africa Trek or enjoying a relaxing view of the park on the Africa Bridge vantage point, there are plenty of scenes that capture the wonder and beauty of Animal Kingdom’s park.

Kevin Raymond and Yazmin Lugo at the Africa Bridge in Disney's Animal Kingdom 11. Epcot: World Showcase Imagine sharing a baguette with your favorite person in front of the fountain in France, a magnificent view of the Eiffel Tower poised behind you. Or perhaps, you're getting lost in the geometric splendor and mosaic tiles of Morocco's architecture. These captivating glimpses of culture allow couples to capture extraordinary moments without the equally incredible price tag.

Michael and Jessica Ghilardi at the Fountain in France Pavilion

Stephen and Emily Mildner at the France Pavilion; Photos by Randy Chapman Something many people don't take advantage of enough when visiting the Disney World Parks and Resorts is hiring a photographer to take professional shots of you and your significant other. Most local companies are willing to travel to the parks and encapsulate the magic that makes you two the perfect couple. In fact, some of the couples who generously submitted photos for our article appointed the best artists in the business to celebrate their union. And it shows!

Stephen and Emily Mildner at the Morocco Pavilion; Photo by Randy Chapman

Stephen and Emily Mildner at the Morocco Pavilion; Photo by Randy Chapman Disney also recently unveiled it's new "Capture Your Moment" service, which provides guests with a personalized photo session in their location of choice for a designated amount of time. Whether looking for someone for family sessions, engagement photos, or a wedding photographer, here are some options our lovely couples used in the past. Nate and Jensey Root from Root Photography Nicole Ami from Nicole Ami Photography Randy Chapman and associates from Chapman Photography

Stephen and Emily Mildner at the Germany Pavilion; Photo by Randy Chapman 12. Hollywood Studios: Grauman's Theater Hollywood Studios is a whimsical blend of animation, movies, and theater. Not only does it transport guests to the glitter and glitz of Hollywood, but it also transports them to another era. Nothing captures this timeless feeling more than the replica of Grauman’s Chinese Theater. Many of you may recognize this architectural treasure as the home of the late Great Movie Ride. While we all anxiously await the new Mickey and Minnie’s Runaway Railway ride opening in March, the Great Movie Ride will forever hold a special place in the hearts of so many.

Joshua and Ellen Smock Ouside Theater

Renee and Jon Van Cleve; Photo by Nicole Ami

Close Up of Renee and Jon Van Cleve in Theater Courtyard; Photo by Nicole Ami There’s just something about this tribute to classic Hollywood that inspires romance and magic. In fact, many couples have even found their soulmates here. Replicating the walkway of 1920’s leading ladies and men, the courtyard of the theater is complete with authentic handprints and signatures from contemporary actors, all of which lead up to an entrance protected by two guardian lions. It’s the perfect place to capture all the age and timelessness of the golden age of movies. “Here’s looking at you, kid.”

Renee and Jon Van Cleve; Photo by Nicole Ami

Billy Archiello and Courtney May in Dapper Day Attire 13. Grand Floridian Resort Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort is undoubtedly one of the most romantic locations on site. Beyond its luxurious Victorian lobby, white sandy beaches, and a view of Cinderella’s Castle, it even has its own Wedding Pavilion. The most frequently booked wedding location at the park, the site is designed to celebrate your special day in style.

Pamela and Stuart Kennedy along Walking Trail at Grand Floridian

Pamela and Stuart Kennedy Upstairs at Grand Floridian Lobby

Couple Enjoying a Stroll Down Walkway Outside Grand Floridian Wedding Pavilion According to Disney’s website, the cost is $5,000 for the venue alone, with a $10,000 minimum for the event. All of this is nothing compared to the $30,000 wedding ceremony in front of the castle after hours. Though the total cost runs more along the lines of $75,000, minimum. The good news is you don’t have to shell out a ton of cash to enjoy the beauty and elegance that goes with the fairytale weddings at Disney’s Grand Floridian. The grounds typically remain open to the public, unless there is a wedding in progress, which means snapping that romantic photo op is well within reach. If not, there are still plenty of gorgeous locations around the rest of the resort.

Stuart and Pamela Kennedy at Disney's Wedding Pavilion 14. Magic Kingdom: Cinderella's Castle The most memorable photo spot in all of Disney World is Cinderella’s Castle. It’s the first thing people imagine when they think of romantic picture locations, and one of the primary reasons guests come from all over to celebrate their engagement there. I mean, it’s a castle! Primarily inspired by the Neuschwanstein Castle in Germany, the overall design incorporates styles and features from numerous time periods and architecture to construct a genuinely timeless look fit for a princess.

Photo Submitted by Melanie Shirley

Hayley Alexa Hillman and Anthony Ugas

Brandon Hackett and Kyle Raser in Front of Cinderella's Castle What's more romantic than

Proposal Between Krystal Cyr and Heather Birkland by Cinderella's Castle Proposing at Disney is such a big deal that the company even created a website dedicated to ensuring your proposal goes off without a hitch. The Disney Weddings site offers everything from intimate dining experiences to a full-scale, customizable itinerary. So whether you need a little extra help surprising your significant other with a proposal, or want to celebrate after the fact, the site consists of a wealth of resources to guide your journey. Even if you just want some inspiration, there's a helpful wedding blog and dream board offered through the site. As the centerpiece of the entire park, there are plenty of outstanding locations to make this icon the backdrop of your picturesque proposal. Here are just a few of our favorites. Castle Courtyard (Right Up Front) Main Street USA The balcony of the Main Street, USA Train Station Liberty Square Bridge East Plaza Garden Tomorrowland Bridge

Cody Simmons and Sarah Newman Proposal in Castle Courtyard Hopefully, these fantastic couples inspired a whole new burst of creativity for your next (or first) photoshoot at Disney World Parks and Resorts. Now it's time to make your own fairytale magic with that extra special someone who makes your story complete. Did you have a favorite photo location from the article? Is there another one you love that we didn't cover? Let us know about it in the comments!

A Special Thank You...

...to everyone kind enough to send in these beautiful moments in time. You truly made this article extraordinary. Read the full article

[easterwings]

i was tagged by @1000-directions thank youuuuuuu (you can tag me in all the things ever)

RULES : ANSWER all questions, ADD one question of your own and then TAG as many people as there are questions

live session or studio session? i guess it depends on the song.  like with “numb” by TATE, i love the studio version, the live version, and the bombastic (acoustic one-take) version equally.

coke or pepsi? coke (zero)

disney or dreamworks? disney/pixar.  i adore a bug’s life to pieces, especially since it’s got madeline kahn and david hyde-pierce in it.

coffee or tea? tea.  i usually drink up to five different types of tea a day and i’ve become that person that carries those five different types of tea in my bag.

books or movies? books.  my crappy attention span rarely lets me sit through a tv show, let alone a movie.

windows or mac? windows

dc or marvel? marvel.  mostly because i have a giant soft spot for tony stark and also because i love the sandman comics.

xbox or playstation? playstation.  the last game i played on a playstation was katamari damacy but i think that counts.

night owl or early riser? i have two small children and i enjoy my free time, so let’s say both.

cards or chess? chess

chocolate or vanilla? (mint) chocolate

vans or converse? converse. except when the little lady gets to walking on her own i’m going to buy her this pair of vans i saw that had little yellow flowers all over them.  :)  (she already has a pair of hand-me-down converse from her big brother but they’re not shoes to walk in.)

star wars or star trek? star trek forever and ever.  doesn’t even matter which series.  i was randomly thinking about the first star trek movie on the drive home from work on friday.  v’ger :(

one episode per week or marathoning? lol you’re lucky to get an episode per month out of me

gandalf or obi-wan? gandalf.  i will never be over his description of aman for as long as i live.

heroes or villains? i guess it depends on the story.  like in the rifter series it’d be so easy to hate laurie but i can’t.  she’s such a fantastic character and wonderfully written and i love her.

john williams or hans zimmer? john williams

disneyland/disney world or six flags? six flags.  i have good memories from going there with my cousin when i was little.

forest or sea? the sea.  there’s so much mythology around it.

flying or reading minds? i have a raging anxiety disorder and a fear of heights.  let’s go with reading minds.

twin peaks or northern exposure? i’ve never seen either one.

harry potter or lord of the rings? lord of the rings, forever.  i have an entire bookshelf of nothing but tolkien and it wasn’t until i got my smartphone that i had a camera that could take a decent picture of it.  i’m so proud of that shelf.  if you would like to see a picture of my tolkien shelf (you know you do), just let me know.  :)

cake or pie? pie

you are banished to a desert island, which benedict cumberbatch character would you choose to take with you? smaug

train or cruise ship? a train

brian cox or neil degrasse-tyson?  neil, although i really like both of them.

wizard of oz or alice in wonderland? alice in wonderland always.

fanfiction or fanart? fanfiction

the hunger games - books or movies? the books.  i still haven’t seen the last two movies and i don’t remember the first.

be able to see the future or travel into the past? be able to see the future.  because anxiety.

han solo or luke skywalker? luke skywalker.

lilacs or sunflowers? lilacs.

spring or autumn? spring.  all that green.

campfire or fireplace? campfire!  before my father-in-law passed away we used to go camping in the mountains and we’d have a fire and it was great.

french fries or onion rings? fries, particularly with gravy.

truth or dare? dare.  i will do anything to avoid telling the complete truth about myself.

winter or summer? winter.  let me be sad in a sweater.

vampires or werewolves? vampires.  except surprise vampires.  i read a historical m/m novel once and the plot twist was vampires and i was not amused. 

red or blue? red, specifically tor red

eyes or lips? eyes

burgers or sandwiches? i think you could argue that a burger is a type of sandwich so let’s go with sandwiches.

friends-to-lovers or enemies-to-lovers trope? friends-to-lovers. i am all about that moment when someone realises that the person they’d been looking for all their life was there all along.

pizza or pasta? pizza.

ancient rome or ancient greece? ancient rome.  i just really enjoyed my high school latin class, okay?

foxes or wolves? wolves

mermaids or dragons? dragons

sci-fi or fantasy? fantasy, although sci-fi is an extremely close second

watch a film in theaters or at home? at home.  i can pause it and go give in to my crappy attention span at home.

fireproof or no more sad songs? i’ve only ever heard fireproof but it’s got lots of louis so it’d win anyway.

bands or individual singers?  bands 

sweet or salty? salty.  the marmite crisp is the work of the gods and bless the person who came up with it.

monotype corsiva or comic sans? comic sans.  i’m not sorry.  that other font is ugly.

turtles or frogs? turtles!  little baby turtles!  also not all frogs are to be trusted.

and for my question, blur or oasis?

i am going to tag @dearmrsawyer @louie-for-life @lirryonce @robotcorsair @iwanttodateizzy @outrunningthezombies @bunnystreet58 @mywitfailsme @whentherewerebicycles @givemeahomeamongstthegumtrees @theveryfloralbee @stuff-and-no-nonsense @tintedglasses @thelinesofthecars @hendroda  and anyone else who’d like to do it.

[yellowhalcyon]

~ this or that ~

RULES: ANSWER all questions, ADD one question of your own and then TAG as many people as you like!

Got tagged by @budapestalloveragain so here we go...

live session or studio session? studio music sounds so good to me and I’ve never really been a fan of concerts coke or pepsi? please give me some coke disney or dreamworks? dreamworks, never watched any disney coffee or tea? coffee but only when it’s sweet or cold books or movies? I would say books because there’s a lot more creative freedom sometimes and a lot more development of characters windows or mac? windows, macs suck and can burn in hell dc or marvel? tbh Marvel own me a lot of money for the shit they’re pulling at the moment and DC isn’t perfect either xbox or playstation? both, both is good night owl or early riser? depends on my sleeping schedule at the time cards or chess? cards chocolate or vanilla? chocolate, mostly since I find vanilla too sweet vans or converse? my feet are annoying and stupid and I wish I could chop them off star wars or star trek? ...O.O Star Wars, obviously (but I would highly recommend Star Trek to any sci fi, they’re both different but good in their own ways) one episode per week or marathoning? marathoning, then I can watch it whenever I want, since I seem to lose interest when it’s just one week at a time heroes or villains? heroes, villains get woobifyed too much that I’ve kinda gone off them john wiilliams or hans zimmer? so this is basically star wars vs inception sound tracks..? I feel like both are very underappreicated so I would say both because people don’t really realise how much work and effort it takes. disneyland/disney world or six flags? never been to either (or even heard of ‘six flags’) in that case I’ll take disneyland forest or sea? fuck that’s a hard choice, but I guess forests are safer in... some sense flying or reading minds? I don’t like what I know people think of me anyway, so I wouldn’t want to know more, plus I fly in my dreams and it feels so freeing so flying twin peaks or northern exposure? wft is twin peaks or northen exposure?! harry potter or lord of the rings? oh fuck I can’t decide, LotR was my childhood but then Harry Potter is so comforting to me, but I guess LotR is kinda dead now so Harry Potter. cake or pie? pie cos cakes can be too dry for me sometimes you are banished to a desert island, which benedict cumberbatch character would you choose to take with you? Lol, which ever one has the more meat on him so when he inevitably dies (because I kill him) there's enough to sustain me for a long enough period for me to get rescued. train or cruise ship? train cos cruises are for old, rich, white people brian cox or neil degrasse-tyson? Degrasse-tyson is kinda usa and brian cox is uk so cox. wizard of oz or alice in wonderland? alice in wonderland (wizard of oz is really good too) but Alice is so weird and symbolic and unfortunately made by a pedo that’s not to be forgotten fanfiction or fanart? you CAN’T make me chose between these two, like I find art easier to process but then I write fics. I would fight anyone who even thinks to insult these platforms, they’re both amazing and healthy ways to express yourselves. keep making wonderful work everyone <3.<3 the hunger hames - books or movies? the books, movies were whitewashed and boring and should have been 15+ not PG. see the future of travel to the past? the future is always changing and should remain unknown, I believe; I would go into the past as long as they found a way for my germs not to kill everyone han solo or luke skywalker? I would go with Luke cos he’s my gay son. Han is great but Luke is like that guy you could go to crying and, even though he doesn’t know you, he would sit you down and try to help as best he could, whereas Han would just panic and go get Luke. lilacs or sunflowers? hmmmmmmmmmmmm, sunflowers cos they’re tall and bright spring or autumn? spring, I’m a spring baby campfire or fireplace? depends on my mood, but I wouldn’t mind either french fries or onion rings? onion rings are great truth or dare? truth because the dares are always horrible winter or summer? winter because the bugs are back in hell where they belong, I can cover up my ugly body more, and being hot makes me want to die vampires or werewolves? vampires are so disgusting and rapey, also I’m part werewolf so werewolves all the way. red or blue? blood red eyes or lips? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm lips, cos I would rather be blind than deaf burgers or sandwiches? possibly burgers cos I’m really fussy when it comes to sandwiches friends to lovers or enemies to lovers trope? I think everyone thinks enemies to lovers is okay cos they don’t care about how the villain hurt the hero (especially if the hero is a woman) and everyone is like ‘but they’re just friends’ as a way to say something isn’t romantic, so friends to lovers (you should become friends with someone before you love them though) pizza or pasta? pasta is in my blood 24/7 so pizza ancient rome or ancient greece? rome, i guess cos maybe they’re more hygienic foxes or wolves? i love city foxes but then wolves are so family oriented, so both I guess mermaids or dragons? mermaids cos like swimming and breathing underwater sci-fi or fantasy? i can’t decide, fuck me watch a film at home or in a theater? depends on the film, but going to the cinema with my friend is my fav thing fireproof or no more sad songs? ...i don’t know what either of these are bands or individual singers? both are great sweet or salty? salty, I don’t have a sweet tooth monotype corsiva or comic sans? I never use either font so lol turtles or frogs? fuck, I never thought about that... I guess, frogs blur or oasis? oasis baseball or football? that’s such an american question, ummmm... hockey bowling date or movie date? movie cos dates are awkward and I don’t have to talk in a movie fruits or vegetables? i guess veg cos fruits are too sweet sometimes rain or sun? rain cos the sun is *hisses* tattoos or piercings? tattoos cos piercings look painful phone call or text? texting because phones are one of the seven layers of hell animated films or live action remakes? animated cos the live action are usually shit chandler or joey? both have their good or bad points so.... Joey cos he would have more sexual experience have all the boys reunite for a 1d tour but never go on solo tours or have all of them do solo tours but never reunite as a band for a tour? that’s such a fangirl question and I don’t care for either tv show or movie? tv I guess cos I do that film of ‘do I have enough time to pay attention to a 2 hour film? but I’ll totally watch 4 hours straight of a tv show.’ @budapestalloveragain‘s question: ramen or korean bbq? I feel so bad cos I haven’t tried either cos I just don’t eat food creatively (but Catherine is saying I should go with Korean BBQ)

MY QUESTION IS: aesthetic posts or gif set posts?

I tag @buchananbarnesjames and @vinterfalcons and @smilingkat

[budapestalloveragain]

~ this or that ~ 

RULES: ANSWER all questions, ADD one question of your own and then TAG as many people as you like!

dia @heartsalmighty tagged me tysm !! i love and hate these tags haha bc i think they’re fun but also i’m literally the most indecisive person omg xD

*it’s long so i’m gonna put it on under read more*

live session or studio session? i mean i always wanna see people live but like to listen to i prefer studio usually coke or pepsi? i don’t like either lol disney or dreamworks? disney !! coffee or tea? neither >.< books or movies? ....honestly movies at this point bc i have such a short attention span but i really love books too ahhhh i like them both a lot  windows or mac? mac (i don’t know how to use anything else oops) dc or marvel? lol take a wild guess (i’ll give you a hint it’s not dc) xbox or playstation? ummmm i don’t really know i don’t think i’ve ever played either haha i just did wii xD night owl or early riser? night owl lol i’m always awake at weird hours  cards or chess? depends on what card game ? chess is p cool i actually know how to play so that’s helpful  chocolate or vanilla? depends on my mood tbh but probably chocolate vans or converse? converseeeee especially the red ones  star wars or star trek? i’ve only seen one star trek actually so i think i’m a little biased but like ...star wars all the way one episode per week or marathoning? okay see i’m impatient so marathoning but also i have the shortest attention span (see: books or movies?) so in that way one episode per week is kinda good for me haha i get distracted so easily xD i’ve done both like obviously i watch on netflix n stuff but then i watch htgawm when it airs so like ...both are fine  heroes or villains? both are cool ? leaning a little more towards heroes though john williams or hans zimmer? i hate this question literally how dare you but also i love hans zimmer with a passion sooooo disneyland/disney world or six flags? i’ve been to neither of them haha but i think i’d have more fun at disney just bc even though i don’t like a lot of rides it has a lot of other stuff to look at xD forest or sea? i like both ummm probably the forest though, i’m more used to it & sometimes the ocean makes me feel unsteady flying or reading minds? flying !! (teleporting would be the best though okay like just so we’re clear here) twin peaks or northern exposure? yeah same @dia i’ve not seen either of these :P  harry potter or lord of the rings? harry potter for sure (i’ve seen lotr too though, they’re such cinematic masterpieces) cake or pie? (ice cream) cake you are banished to a desert island, which benedict cumberbatch character would you choose to take with you? wait this is such a good question lol ummm probably doctor strange bc he could get me out of there train or cruise ship? train, boats make me nervous brian cox or neil degrasse-tyson? idk who brian cox is (i googled him and i still don’t know) + neil degrasse-tyson is great lol (although like ...bill nye...) wizard of oz or alice in wonderland? alice in wonderland omg yes yes yes i love that story so much i just fanfiction or fanart? fic haha the hunger hames - books or movies? the books but also catching fire was really well done also that cast is lovely just as an aside see the future of travel to the past? oooh i’d love to see a lot of things in the past like “if only i was alive then” moments you know ? but it’d be kinda cool to see how the future turns out too haha although at this point i’m kinda scared so i’d probably stick with the past han solo or luke skywalker? han solooooo (luke is cool too i just like ...don’t remember that much about him even though he was literally the main character lol sorry like i said short attention span) lilacs or sunflowers? both are nice ?? lilacs i guess.... spring or autumn? autumn.... i think ... campfire or fireplace? fireplace, campfire includes way too many bugs lol french fries or onion rings? french fries (the skinny kind)  truth or dare? truth haha there’s nothing interesting going on in my life anyways winter or summer? summer bc winter here is just like ...no vampires or werewolves? werewolves always seemed cooler to me, vampires are a little unsettling red or blue? red !!! it’s lucky hehe eyes or lips? *eyes nose lips plays in the background* ummm eyes burgers or sandwiches? oh god i love both ...sandwiches have such variety !! but burgers are so good ...probably burgers....  i just love food though xD friends to lovers or enemies to lovers trope? friends to lovers ^-^ pizza or pasta? pizzaaaaa ancient rome or ancient greece? ancient greece all the way omg i would love to honestly foxes or wolves? wolves.... ? no big preference i guess mermaids or dragons? dRAGONS BABYYYYYYY (i’m a dragon hehe) sci-fi or fantasy? fantasy i guess ? depends on how you define them i guess watch a film at home or in a theater? i like watching them in the theater haha it’s more fun that way (for me) fireproof or no more sad songs? oh yikes i haven’t heard no more sad songs so fireproof it is bands or individual singers? i like them both but if you haven’t noticed i kinda tend to be drawn a little more towards groups haha sweet or salty? saltyyyy except for ice cream monotype corsiva or comic sans? i don’t even know what monotype corsiva is lol comic sans is the worst™ but at the same time the best™ (if u know what i mean) so that’s fine turtles or frogs? turtles !! blur or oasis? yIKES i haven’t listened to either ...but i think oasis did wonderwall ? so i’ll say them baseball or football? ahhh neither :P international football if that counts lol i love soccer/futbol/football bowling date or movie date? movie date (i just watched bts run ep 19 though and i can’t stop laughing thinking about all of them bowling oh my god) fruits or vegetables? i love fruit hehe rain or sun? both are fine ? we got a lot of both today actually haha like in quick succession too xD gotta love new england lol tattoos or piercings? tattoos... i think... phone call or text? texting (phone calls are way faster though) animated films or live action remakes? animated ...i’m so skeptical about most remakes/sequels/reboots/etc chandler or joey? ...i’ve never seen friends i’M SO SORRY AHHH  have all the boys reunite for a 1d tour but never go on solo tours or have all of them do solo tours but never reunite as a band for a tour? god ummmm probably the 1d tour bc like look irl they’re all already about to go on solo tours haha + mitam is musically the best album they’ve done and i really want(ed) to see them do that live tv show or movie? ummmm gah that’s hard ...honestly tv just has a lot more time to work with which means that a lot of the time (not always though omg dEFINITELY not always) the quality is better

MY QUESTION IS: ramen or korean bbq?

i’m gonna tag ejay @thriftmom and jori @yellowhalcyon if u want to ^-^ no worries if u don’t and feel free to do it even if i haven’t tagged you !! 

[theticklishpear]

I am planning on writing a fantasy book and two of my races are elves and fairies. However, I am having trouble thinking of a way that seperates them into different races. One idea I have is that elves were once fairies, who are beings of pure magic, that traded a majority of their magic to become a static being on the physical plane. I'm not sure whether to keep this idea though. I was wondering if you may offer any ideas? I love your blog by the way, definitely one of my favorites. Thank you!

Hi writer! Thanks for sticking with me all this time, it means a lot!

For your dilemma, I think it depends a lot on what mileage you’re trying to get out of your races. The origins and exact natures of both elves and faeries have been muddled across time and cultural beliefs occurring in virtually every Western European country, so giving you the historical lowdown on what the exact differences between the two are (and there are several) wouldn’t be particularly helpful, in my opinion. If you were trying to be accurate to specific elfish and fae traditions, you’d want to nail it down to one country and research away on the differences between the two. The collective understanding of them can be anywhere from “faerie is a broad term that includes elves” to “elf is a broad term including faeries” to “faeries have wings and elves don’t” to “neither have wings” to “they serve similar purposes” to “one is mischievous and the other is more benevolent” to “elves and dwarves are similar.” Sifting through to find the truth is nigh on impossible anymore, particularly now that we have Tolkien mucking it all up.

What this means for you is that you can do anything you want, within respect and reason. (That said, below the cut are some entries from a book I have.)

Let’s think about this a bit… Are these two branches of an ancient ancestor or are they entirely separate entities that came about distinctly on their own? Are there physical differences between them? Wings? Feathers? Scales? Ear shape? Hair texture? Gills? Hollow bones? Translucent skin? Eye shape? You don’t have to know exactly how they came to exist in the cosmos, so don’t stress about nailing that down too much, but do think about how closely related the two are. That will help you begin to determine what parts of their physical nature you may want to modify to differentiate them.

Also remember that making them physically distinctive isn’t a requirement. Maybe it’s a regional difference of the same race. Culture, lifestyle, and ability are going to create just as many immediately identifiable differences as over-the-top and overt physicality differences. If you focus more on making each of them believable groups of people, readers will be more willing to forgive that their physical descriptions are pretty similar.

Think about: What do they tend to care about? What kinds of environments do they gravitate toward living in? Trees? Plains? Meadows? Sea? Mountains? High elevation? Low elevation? What sorts of fashions do they wear? What is unacceptable to their culture? What will upset them, and in turn what are they thrilled to see? What are relations between various cultures and races like? Do they tend to be more petty, malicious, rule-bound, upright, truth-speakers or liars, insightful, helpful, peaceful, war-faring?

Sounds like you have magic going on in your world, so consider the differences in their magic and how it sets them apart from each other. What do they use or not use it for? How integral is magic to their existence? Are they made of magic or just have control of it? What kinds of abilities do they have with their magic, how do those abilities differ between the two groups, and how would it impact either race to not have magic at all? How do they view each others’ magic type and use?

Your idea definitely sounds pretty neat; just remember not to over-develop what won’t be necessary on the page. Knowing the background of where they originated is great, but if you’re not going to need to explicitly state it on the page for the readers, focus instead on the aspects they will see: how they look, how they act, how they live. Use those details to communicate that these two races are different without overloading the narrative with extraneous worldbuilding that could be kept behind-the-scenes influences to the characters.

Good luck! -Pear

From Encyclopedia of Spirits: The Ultimate Guide to the Magic of Fairies, Genies, Demons, Ghosts, Gods & Goddesses by Judika Illes:

Elf:

Origin: Teutonic

Elves are mysterious Northern spirits, sometimes equated with Fairies. Like Fairies, Elves have not been cleaned up and made over to suit sanitized children’s fiction, often portrayed as miniature, whimsical busy bees: Santa’s little helpers. Originally Elves were human-sized, sometimes taller, and they were renowned archers, artisans, and healers; author J.R.R. Tolkien’s portrayal of the sacred but dangerous Elven folk in The Lord of the Rings trilogy of novels hews closer to mythic tradition.

Elves live in a realm that parallels humans. Norse myth divides the Elves into Light Elves and Dark Elves, otherwise known as Dwarves. Scholars disagree as to whether the Elves and the Vanir spirits are the same, but they are closely affiliated. The Vanir spirit Freyr is the Elven King.

Elves are beautiful, volatile spirits of wild nature. They were not trivial spirits; once upon a time, bulls were sacrificed to them. Their significance is recalled in human names like Alvin, Elvis, Elva, and Elvira. Elves feature prominently in Anglo-Saxon spells and charms, many intended to protect from the Elves themselves. A hostile relationship between Elves and people is often now presumed, but before Christianity, spiritual alliances existed between Elves and people. Once this alliance ended, embittered Elves, previously helpful, may have turned dangerous, or, conversely, people were taught to fear Elves specifically so that they would not continue Pagan devotions. In Scandinavia, however, relationships between people and Elves were generally positive.

Like Fairies, Djinn, and Bori spirits, Elves can be benevolent or hostile; some can even cause illness. Elves strike at people with the poison darts known as Elf-shot, which cause illness and malaise. They may cause paralysis or stroke, too. Elves sometimes target cattle and livestock, as well as people. Various spells, charms, and amulets serve to protect against them. Elves are sources of wisdom, fertility, and wealth (when they want to be). They love music and dancing.

Manifestation: Seductively, alluringly beautiful

Realm: Alfheim (”Elf Home”)

Plants: Elder trees, rosemary

Sacred time: Offerings are traditionally left out for Elves on Christmas Eve. Although this now appears to derive from the myth of Santa’s workshop, it may actually be related to Old Norse traditions. Yuletide was a traditional time for visitations from other realms.

Fairy:

Also known as: Faerie, Fae, Fay, Fee, Fada, Fata, Hada, Draga, Encantada, Damizelos.

The word Fairy has become a catch-all for all kinds of tenuously related spirits. In general, what they share in common are associations with wild nature and an interest in human life cycles, especially birth.

Fairy is also the standard word used to translate amorphous, volatile, sexy nature spirits from around the world, especially if they’re female. Thus Vila, Rusalka, Keshalyi, and Tunder are all referred to as Fairies although they are all distinct types of spirits.

The word Fairy is related to fate. Birth Fairies–those who arrive shortly after a birth to announce a baby’s future and fortune–may be the “true” Fairies. This is more obvious in Italian than in English: the word for Fairy in Italian is fata or fada. Fata Morgana is literally Fairy Morgana.

For many people, Fairy means the Sidhe of Ireland and the Scottish Highlands. The word is commonly used in Ireland as the English translation for Sidhe. When people describe green as a Fairy color, for instance, they are referring to the preferences of the Sidhe. (Balkan and Slavic “Fairies” tend to prefer white.)

Shamanic healers and herbalists who work with Sidhe are known as Fairy doctors. The old shamanic tradition of venerating and working with Sidhe is the Fairy Faith.

Animals: Frogs, toads, dragonflies, butterflies, cattle, deer, and foxes are among the creatures most identified with Fairies.

Plants: Wildflowers in general, but also the following plants traditionally associated with Fairies–blackthorn (sloc), bluebells, brambles, briar roses and dog roses, crocuses (especially saffron), ferns, foxglove, hawthorn, heartsease, hollyhocks, lavender, morning glories, mushrooms (especially amanita muscaria), pansies, poppies, primrose (allegedly serving as keys to Fairy Land), ragweed (aka Fairy’s Horse), rosemary.

Time: Fairies favor nocturnal hours and threshold times, for instance, twilight and dawn.

Sacred dates: Fairies are particularly active from May Eve (Beltane, Walpurgis) until a last annual fling at Halloween.

Birth Fairy:

Also known as: Fates

In the famous story Sleeping Beauty, a king and queen, celebrating the birth of a long-awaited royal heir, throw a festive banquet for Fairies. Each Fairy brings a blessing as a baby gift. One Fairy fails to receive an invitation. Why the invitation was never received depends upon the version of the story, but the inevitable end result is that she bestows a curse, not a blessing.

This scenario is no mere fairy tale, but a description of rituals once common throughout Europe in French, Slavic, Celtic, and other regions, as well as among the Roma. Birth Fairies foretell (and may bestow) a baby’s fate. They are direct descendants of the Moirae, Parcae, and other Fate goddesses.

Following a baby’s birth, it was traditional to create an offering table for these Fairies. Ritual details depend on specific spirits to whom the ritual is devoted. There will be a set number of spirits and they will arrive on schedule. Most frequently, three are anticipated, but sometimes there is only one and occasionally as many as thirteen, as in the original version of Sleeping Beauty. Usually the spirits are female, but the Roma, for instance, have male and female birth spirits.

The offering table is the crucial element. A table is laid as if for a festive meal. Fairies, the honored, desired guests, are expected to come and dine: food and drink are offered. The table is set with individual place settings, napkins, glasses, the whole works. (Each tradition will specify how many Fairies are expected, although as in Sleeping Beauty, it’s usually best to be prepared for extra guests.)

Flower Fairy:

Also known as: Devas

Tiny little winged spirits, flitting from flower to flower, these are flower Fairies. Regular Fairies compare in size to humans, although many are skilled shape-shifters who can take any form. Flower Fairies are a separate, distinct species of spirit.

Theoretically, every flower may have its own Fairy. A field of wildflowers or a lush, flower-packed backyard contains a universe of spirits. Flower Fairies’ natures reflect the type of flowers with which they’re associated. Flower Fairies associated with the beautiful blossoms of poisonous plants, like belladonna or wolfsbane, have different personalities and interests than those associated with daisies and buttercups.

Flower Fairies suffer from habitat loss. Give them a home and they will come. Plant your favorite flowers and see what types of Fairies arrive with them. In general, Fairy gardens should not be overly manicured: allow a little wilderness to creep in so that the Fairies feel at home. Give them a little room for privacy, places to hide and observe where they won’t feel exposed. Add Fairy flowers, especially bramble bushes, wild roses, and hawthorn trees. Fairies enjoy the company of other species, too. Add butterfly gardens; bird and squirrel feeders; and/or bat houses. Incorporate a source of water: if a pond or stream is unavailable, a birdbath may suit them. They may be happy to share a hot tub with you, too. Ornaments such as crystals, statues, or witch balls are equivalent of interior decorating for Fairies. Flower Fairies tend to make themselves visible to children. (Alternatively, many children are very good at seeing them.)

Iconography: Modern perceptions of Flower Fairies are heavily influenced by the popular works of Cicely Mary Barker (1895-1973), the author and illustrator of the “Flower Fairy” series of books.

Offerings: Creation and preservation of habitat is the ideal offering. Once at least a little habitat exists for them, invite Flower Fairies with offerings of honey, nuts, and thimblefuls of milk.

Sidhe; The Good People; The People Who Go Widdershins:

Pronounced and sometimes spelled: Shee

Origin: Ireland; Scottish Highlands

The Gaelic word Sidhe has three meanings: “barrow” or “tumulus”: ancient burial mounds often filled with treasure; “Fairy” or “Fairies” (the word is both singular and plural); “Fairy mound”: the sidhe are Fairies often living within the sidhe that are barrows.

When the Gaels successfully invaded Ireland, their predecessors, the divine Tuatha De Danaan were literally driven underground. They established their own parallel realms beneath the Earth. Fairy mounds are their portals. The Dagda, among the leaders of the Tuatha De Danaan assigned each member of the Tuatha De residence in a sidhe or mound. The Tuatha De Danaan became known as the Sidhe.

The key word regarding the Sidhe is beauty. They are magnificent, passionate, proud spirits who perceive themselves as worthy of veneration and intense respect: they accept (and perhaps expect!) small but consistent offerings such as dishes of milk placed out overnight on the windowsill or doorstep. There are male and female sidhe. They have an elaborately structured society that parallels that of humans.

The sidhe have an intense relationship with people, characterized by love and hostility. Once upon a time, they were the subject of passionate human veneration: hidden within fairy tales and legends are suggestions of Pagan devotion and voluntary channeling of spirits, similar to modern spiritual traditions such as African Diaspora faiths and Zar.

The Sidhe are master healers and may bestow this medical knowledge on those people they favor. So-called Fairy doctors combined herbal and shamanic healing and were trained directly by the Sidhe. On the other hand, the Sidhe also inflict illnesses like sudden tumors, stroke, and paralysis.

Sidhe stand accused of stealing humans, especially babies, children, midwives, and wet-nurses. The milk they expect as offerings may not always have been bovine; legends tell of Fairies accosting women and begging for a sip of human milk. They are generally not industrious spirits: their passions are dancing, music, poetry, and pleasure. They do raise cattle, which they sell or trade at fairs.

A ritual from the Scottish Highlands encourages bribing the Sidhe to save lives: 1. Sit on a three-legged stool at a three-way crossroads at midnight on Halloween; 2. Listen: voices will intone the names of those destined to die during the next twelve months; 3. This destiny may be avoided by returning to the spot with gifts for the Sidhe: one gift for each person whose destiny needs amending.

Color: Green

Time: Most Sidhe are active from dawn until noon and then from dusk until after midnight.

Days: The Sidhe are particularly active at Beltane (May Eve), Midsummer’s Eve, and Samhain (Halloween).

Sacred sites: Barrow mounds associated with individual sidhe are well-known. Fairy forts, also known as ring forts or stone forts, are circular earthen banks or stone walls. There were once as many as 60,000 of these circular earthworks in Ireland. Local names for them include cashel, forth, rath, or rusheen. Ring forts became known as Fairy forts because they are allegedly among the favorite haunts of Fairies. Ring forts can be physically or spiritually perilous, as many contain underground passages.

[nightmareonfilmstreet]

[Exclusive] An Interview with the makers of gore-short TERMITATOR

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[Exclusive] An Interview with the makers of gore-short TERMITATOR

Quebec homemade horror is on the rise. That’s according to self-proclaimed gore addict Camille Monette, the man responsible for the majority of the practical effects in several upcoming independent horror shorts. Monette is always looking for new ways to make blood splatter and heads explode, and recently, he got to try out some new techniques in his directorial debut Termitator. The story of Termitator is described as “four douchebags head out for a weekend of debauchery in the woods, unaware that they’re disturbing the peace of a mutant humanoid-insect.” Imagine the final scene of Cronenburg’s The Fly set in Camp Crystal Lake, but low-budget and French Canadian. We sat down with Monette and Keenan Poloncsak, who played the dreaded Termitator and had previously collaborated with Monette in the zombie short Pro-Can. They recounted stories of filming in the woods and told me the secret ingredients of their gore molds.

You can watch Termitator in full (with subtitles) below, exclusive to Nightmare on Film Street. Warning: not recommended if you have a weak stomach.

Chris Aitkens for Nightmare on Film Street: How are you feeling after the world premiere of Termitator?

Camille Monette: I’m liberated! I’m really satisfied, it was a great experience. We worked with a lot of people who were stoked about the project, really willing to do everything. It was really great working with those people.

Keenan Poloncsak: Me too, I’m 100% satisfied with the whole movie and the evening at the Dollar Cinema. With all the time it took to make, I feel relieved. It’s like taking a huge dump in the morning. It felt good.

NOFS: How did the idea of Termitator first come up?

CM: For the first project, I was thinking of making something that wasn’t new, something with a base in horror, so I chose to do a slasher. Everything has been done with the slasher genre. I have a few inspirations like Street Trash, Bad Taste, Brain Dead and Evil Dead 2. Everybody’s trying to do new shit and get a clear image. They want to make something like Walking Dead, but I find it’s too clean. I wanted to do something more like the 80s style. It’s a free space, just to work with what’s already been made. It was also for the pleasure of reuniting a group of friends, having a good time making a movie and to make it gory as fuck.

KP: I was in it totally for the gore.

NOFS: Is there anything you wanted to do differently from Pro-Can?

KP: Well, Pro-Can was based on an old comic I made, and it was supposed to be symbolic and poetic. Some things I think a lot of people got, other things not so much, but I was very happy with that. For this project, the story is ridiculous, it’s cliché, it’s using all these things that are just accepted. Like, the main character turns into a termite for no explained reason, people are just so used to that thing. It was a real adventure too. We decided to do it in that cabin in the woods. We had no electricity, no water, and we had to bring people there and prepare all the stuff. We were camping there at the same time.

CM: We had to walk about 20 minutes each time we arrived on the spot with all the gear, we had props and food too. And the whole team was fucking amazing, they all brought something to the place.

NOFS: Was this your first time as a director?

CM: For me, yes. I worked on a couple of other movies, but always as the effects guy or makeup. But this is the first time I made a movie, with a couple of people, it’s not my movie, it’s our movie. But I was the official director and producer.

NOFS: Was that difficult for you?

CM: Yes, because I’m not the kind of person who promotes a project. I’m better in a workshop with my headphones on, listening to my music, with a beer and a joint, working on molds or sculptures. It wasn’t hard, but it was different, it was out of my realm and it was challenging. But it was a fucking great experience and people were very helpful. I was lucky to have a team like that.

NOFS: How long were you in the woods for?

CM: I think 6 months, but part-time. We would go based on the availability of people. We would shoot for two or three days, then the next week, it would be just for one day.

KP: For the summer of 2015, it was pretty much every weekend we were in the woods unless it was raining or if we had to some filming somewhere else.

CM: There’s a couple of shots, for the gore, that we filmed in Montreal. We didn’t have to be in the woods, we just needed some grass. For the head exploding, we could just do close-ups in Keenan’s backyard. Most of the time it was on location in the woods in that fucking awesome shack that our friend Louis-David built.

NOFS: How long did it take to put on the entire Termitator costume?

KP: Half an hour. It’s a three-piece mask

CM: But we also had to put makeup made of gelatin. Without using electricity, we had to melt the gelatin, using a wood stove in the shack.

NOFS: I definitely noticed the Street Trash influence when Keenan was turning into the Termitator. What did you use for the bubbling chemicals? Was it just paint?

CM: No, it was a mix of Xanthum gum, food colouring, corn starch, sometimes peas or lentils, corn syrup, sometimes coffee. Since we were shooting in the woods, we couldn’t have toxic products, we wanted to use environmentally-friendly ingredients. We didn’t want to leave a mark on nature, so I did some research on how to make semi-vegan gore effects.

KP: The film is almost vegan except for the crickets and the gelatin.

NOFS: Oh, so that’s what you used for the termites!

CM: We bought them at the pet shop, about 1000 crickets. And the week after, when we came back to the set, we could hear all the crickets at night. I think we might have fucked up the natural equilibrium, there were too many crickets. We were sitting around the fire and we were hearing frogs getting closer and closer. It was a free buffet for them!

NOFS: I noticed the gore in this movie was really over the top. You have fireworks coming out of someone’s ass, you have someone getting their dick chainsawed off, you have melting breasts. Are there any other deaths that you had in mind that you couldn’t do?

CM: Yes, but I won’t say. Because there might be a sequel.

NOFS: So if you were to make a sequel, is there anything you can reveal?

CM: Normally in a sequel, it doesn’t resemble the original at all. The monster will be different, it’ll be a different genre, it won’t be a slasher. It will have just as much gore, maybe more, especially if we have the budget. But I want to do something very random. For Termitator, I wanted to do a shitty movie, an exploitation movie, because we had a small budget. If I don’t have a big budget for the second film, then it’s impossible to make.

NOFS: I’m also interested about the horror movie inside the horror movie, Chainsaw Cow Hookers. Where did the inspiration for that come from?

CM: It was an homage to Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers. I forget the name of the actor in it, but he died last year. It’s not a good movie, it’s a B-movie, it sucked, honestly. But whenever you watch a horror movie, especially a slasher, it’s always a man who plays the villain, and he’s always in a power position. So I wanted to reverse the gender roles. But it’s still very sexualized. It’s probably the only regret I have with Termitator; I wasn’t able to achieve the vision of equality between the sexes. When it comes to B-series or Troma movies, it’s always gratuitous with nude scenes, but if you show a naked man, it’s a travesty, it’s a joke! It’s very dude-oriented. I wanted to make a villain who was a woman attacking a handsome man with a big dick. Yes, she’s naked, you can see her breasts covered in blood, so I won’t get any feminist points for that. Zero. I shot myself in the foot, it was a bad attempt.

KP: I didn’t see it that way at all. I thought it was hilarious.

CM: But at the premiere, there were a lot of people who were angry and left. I didn’t say bye to them. I was happy with that. I didn’t want only compliments, that’s boring. I wanted people to have real reactions to the movie.

NOFS: Other than Termitator, what other projects have you been working on?

CM: There’s Crucifix, Yersinia Pestis, Cosmic Pendant, which will be coming out next year, and previously, there was Pro-Can, Banshee, Push Up the Daisies, Mascouche, Superfunk and Sleazy Pete. That’s all I can think of now.

NOFS: Did you have any training in gore?

CM: No, it’s a hobby. I learned by myself, in my apartment, through trial and error.

KP: He’s a Mr. Fix-it kind of guy, he’s always creating stuff and building contraptions. He’s good at cooking too. So most of the gore stuff is edible. He’s good at following recipes and creating recipes to get certain colours and consistencies.

NOFS: So where are you showing the movie next?

KP: I’m going to try to get into festivals as much as possible, but it always pisses me off the fact that I have to pay a festival for them to show my movie. Personally, if I was organizing a screening or a film festival, I wouldn’t charge anything to show someone else’s film. I’ve been trying to find some free festivals around the world, I might fork over some money if I think they are worthy, but I’ll still be reluctant.

CM: Recently we teamed up with Frank Appache of Sleazy Pete and Gabriel Claveau of Punk Fu Zombie, and we organized a mini-tour. The next screening will be in Sherbrooke for the Cabane à Sang, it will be our three movies.

KP: Then Quebec City, Rimouski, then maybe Spasm Festival. If they’re cool, they’ll take it.

CM: But just to have the premiere screening was significant enough for the people who were involved. But we don’t want to make money. We just love making horror movies. We love the experience of working with a dream team.

KP: That dream team is what it’s all about. Counting everyone who participated, that makes 16, and one of them was a dog. Termitator was a milestone in my life, and as a team, I think we’ve come to a new stage in our evolution. I just want to say, if you see the movie and you like it, show all your friends. You can do a screening at your house for Halloween or something. I don’t want to see people showing it at a bar and charging 10 bucks. But if people want to show it at the local punkhouse and make it by donation for next week’s food drive, we have no problem with that. Make Termitator grow!

[humeresque]

Les Pinois: Trying-Hard French

(Being Filipino means trying hard to be French.)

You kneaux, in Maurice Arcache's "Cosmo Manille" and even among those on the other side of the railroad tracks, so many people are trying so hard to be French that trying so hard to be French has become an entire industry. We don't notice how much it's been thriving for years, but it's out there.

I guess everything started when the French Baker set up shop and introduced the masses to such panaderya alternatives as baguette and croissant. Le French Baker, owned by Filipino-Chinese Johnlu Koa, is still alive and well today despite strong competition from Le Couer de France and Delifrance. Le trick seems to be to insert "France" or "French" in the establishment's name, and ooh-la-la, the essence of cafe au lait and macaroni au gratin is captured in the tropical heat and humidity of La Manille.

Of course, years before French Baker, we were already fairly familiar with French parfums like Estee Lauder eau de cologne pour homme, French wines (Pinot Noirs, Merlots, and whatnot), and other things French and prefixed with French (bouillabaise, French braid, French kiss, French fries). There too was the popular TV animation character Pepe La Pew, who exuded those notable twin French excesses: romanticism and narcissism. Many of us instantly fell in love with his cursed self. But it was when the pan de sal in our lowly breakfast tables was replaced with garlic toast made from baguette that our French citizenship was confirmed, stamped with mainstream approval.

Next came the invasion of the French films. Le inventeurs of film-making -- descendants of the Lumieres -- treated us for free to watch le classics, from the snooty Cocteaus, Godards, and Truffauts, to the Luc Bessons starring Jean Reno.

Soon, full-blown French bistros and fine-dining restos became too numerous to name, starting from Au Bon Vivant to Le Souffle to any establishment you could name that is suffixed with -ette, -eau, -eaus, -eaux, and -oix and -ois. (Famed expat chef Billy King is now with Le French Corner in Alabang.) Of course, Pinois (enunciated with a flourish as /pin-wah'/) have to out-French the French, no?

Foreign language students next began flocking to Alliance Francaise to enroll in French classes to complete their false identity. I know of many friends and acquaintances who were not ashamed to proclaim they wanted to be French, or at least take up French lessons. There was Rica, who made me aware that Alliance Francaise used to be a stone's throw away from our office near Buendia cor. Pasong Tamo in Makati. There's Cathy who taught me how to pronounce "croissant" right but ended up French-kissing a true-to-life Frenchman instead. There's JJ who, getting tired of Spanish, is now switching to this other Romance lingo that sounds like he has a cleft palate and le UFO got lodged somewhere in his nostrils. I am also reminded of Net, who prefers to spell 'omelet' 'omelette' and pronounce it as /o-me-lay/, with much Gallic flourish.

Le thinkers or intellectuals among these Pinois are especially notorious in wanting to be Frenchified. Most of them have memorized the libretto to the musical play version of Victor Hugo's Les Miserables. (JJ corrects me superciliously, "It should be Le Misera'-bl, not Le Miserab'.") These Francophiles know their Renoirs, Monets, and Matisses (impressionist painters), Jacques Derrida (deconstructivist philosopher), Roland Barthes (literary theorist), Voltaire (satirical novelist), Camus (absurdist, existentialist), Michel Foucault (structuralist, postructuralist, postmodernist philosopher), Jacques Lacan (psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, philosopher), and Jean Baudrillard (sociologist, philosopher, cultural theorist, political commentator, photographer). They would also be not embarrassed to admit they know Alexandre Dumas (of Le Musketeers un le Menage a Trois fame), if push comes to shove.

Ask Pinoi tourists which place they want to visit the most, and they'll most likely say neither Holy Land nor New York, but "Gay Paree!," rattling off in a beat the sites they want to see: Eiffel Tower, Champs-Elysee, Arc du Triompe, and Louvre Museum for a view of le Mona Lisa...

Today, even building names and addresses are given the de-luxe spa treatment. I know a condo in Pasig called Parc Chateau. Parc Chateau? Am I in Nice or what? However, that one along EDSA near Guadalupe, called Parc Haus Suites, looks confused. Is Parc really the French version of Park, as in Marc as the French version of Mark, or should it be Parque? I dunno, but I'm pretty sure "Haus" is German, not French.

Curiously, we've long had, in fact, an entire booklet of lowbrow Pinoy French jokes meant to poke pun at this Filipino fondness for the French. I have heard people point out that "le quod" is French for "likod" ("back"), "le bag" is French for "libag" ("skin grime"), and "icé beau coup pour salé" is French Tagalog for "ice buko for sale." Of course, we know when to command the use of certain diacritical marks (the graves, the acutes, and the tildes) for this purpose. "Icé" is pronounced /ee-say'/ and "salé" is pronounced /sa-lay'/, and who cares what the real French people think?

The French being predominantly Catholic like le Pinois, it's small wonder that devotions to Thérèse of Lisieux, Lourdes, and the Miraculous Medal are commonplace too. Never mind that most of us still tend to say /Lur'-des/ instead of /Lurds/. A vestige of our Spanish trauma, surely.

Lately, our familiarity with the French beyond Jacques Costeau and Marie Antoinette and the guillotine is such that we have become intimately familiar with the finer points of French cuisine. We know what ratatouille is, we know that Alain Ducasse and Emeril Lagasse are celebrity chefs, we welcome Anthony Bourdain into our kichen with open arms and anxiously await his Guide Michelin stars. To demonstrate je ne sais quois or insouciance, we like to be served aperitifs, crepes, creme brullees, canapes, hors d'ouevres, nicoise salad, macarons, mousse, eclair, amuse bouche, pain and poisson, quiche, fondue, cakes with fondant and ganache, souffle, and lapu-lapu Meuniere, with bottled Evian or Perrier on the side. (After some time, it can get so tiresome putting in all the correct diacritical marks, don't you think?)

It has come to a point where we can't tell anymore whether Le Froge jeans, Le Tigre shirts, and Penshoppe tees are already Pinoi or as French as, say, Lacoste, Pierre Cardin, Coco Chanel, Christian Dior, Hermes, Jean-Paul Gaultier, Louis Vuitton, Yves Saint Laurent, and Francois Marithe Girbaud. And, yeah, I almost forgot Ungaro, the sine qua non of haute couture or something!

I have observed, furthermore, that the Ilocanos, for one, are really French behind their facade of burnt skin and tobacco smoke. Why? Simply because of this incontrovertible proof: the French word "quoi" (French for ‘what’) is no different from the usual Ilocano sound of hesitation, "cua." "Awan ti cua…" and "Anya ti cua…" suspiciously sound too much like "je ne sais quoi," oui? We do know too that the French people are passionate about their food to the point of being extreme. Being a gourmet to them means being able to slurp with relish such exotic concoctions as escargot -- much like the frog-inhaling and cricket-snorting Pampangos do. What other cultures regard as vile -- animal kidney, liver, entrails, perhaps even lungs and pancreas, the Ilocanos, not to mention the Pampangos, sautee with such pride and esprit de corps. Some French fine-diners like to feast on a certain bird in the wild called ortolan bunting, and the dish has to be eaten up with a blanket covering the diner’s entire head to savor the delicate flavor most fully. Most likely it’s an aliquot of subtle gamey flavor they’re trying to trap with surgical care and precision. That bizzarezerie -- a formal dinner among cloaked ghouls -- may be a turnoff to other people, but certainly not to confirmed epicures like certain Pinois.

If you think about it, the Pinois' fascination for the French dates back to how many centuries ago. Remember how the menu for the feast during the first inauguration of Philippine Independence in Barasoain Church, Malolos, Bulacan, was in French? Les menu, according to history professor of the day Monsieur Ambeth Ocampo (in his column in Le Philippine Daily Inquirer) comprised of: “Hors d’Oeuvre: Huitres, Crevettes roses; beurre radis; olives; Saucisson de Lyon; Sardines aux tomates; Saumon Hollandaise. [Entrees] Coquille de crabes; Vol auvent a la financiere; Abatis de poulet a la Tagale; Cotelettes de mouton a la papillote, pommes de terre paille; Dinde truffee a la Manilloise; Filet a la Chateubriand, haricots verts; jambon froid-asperges en branche. Dessert:Fromages; Fruits; Confitures; gele de Fraises; Glaces. Vins: Bordeaux, Sauterne, Xeres; Champagne. Liquers: Chartreuse; Cognac. Café, The.”

Ocampo further notes: “Hidden underneath the fancy French names are familiar Filipino dishes: Coquille de crabes was possibly torta de cangrejo a.k.a rellenong alimasag. Tagalog-style chicken giblets listed as Poulet abatis a la Tagale was chicken adobo.”

Turns out French was the lingua franca at the time, neither Spanish nor English. Unthinkable, right? But the antecedent Pinois didn't have a problem with that as neither us, latter-day Pinois, will have any problem with a French Renaissance any moment.

Food critic Doreen Fernandez, in her essay "Beyond Sans Rival: Exploring the French Influence on Philippine Gastronomy" (from the author's 1994 book Tikim: Essays on Philippine Food and Culture), also notes that a French cookbook was published in 1919 in Manila. Elaborately titled, as expected, the cookbook, Fernandez writes, has a cover page that "features a tall mounted French piece like those in traditional classic French cookbooks, captioned: Croquemboucheng caranuian. The word croquembouche (croque-en-bouche) designates 'all kinds of patisserie which crunches and crumbles in the mouth,' like chestnuts, oranges or cream puffs glazed with sugar cooked to the crack stage. The (illustrated) recipe instructs one in the assembling of croquignoles (egg whites and icing sugar baked in various shapes, similar to meringues), and is called 'caranuian' or ordinary, in contrast to Croquembouche a la Reina, which includes 'sweet almonds ground very fine.'"

Croquemboucheng caranuian? That's hilarious! Isn't that, wait, Hispanized-Tagalized French? Only the Pinoi can be trusted to do that.

Why do Pinois love the French so much that they are ready to trade passports any minute? My own answer is: they are apparently after the panache, the joie de vivre, the European sophistication and the fine taste and the high-mindedness of it all, a drastic move away from the native hickery and Hollywood vulgarity. But we already have the Spanish with us, so what do the French have that the Spaniards don't? They are both lustful for life, for sure, but maybe there's something charming about using consonants you don't plan to pronounce or vowels that mislead.

Does everything have to be explained away anyway? Let us just call the X-factor "Le French mystique" then, a big 'mistake' for which we are more than willing to be recolonized.