#I love a good cynical private eye character I have hopes and dreams

[vaguely-concerned]

ms. fantasy noir detective neve gallus... will you do me the honor of letting me be your forever 'I knew this fool was trouble the minute they walked into my office'

[anjanettexcordonia]

The Spare Chapter One: Maldives

Book: The Royal Romance A/U

Rating: Mature (18+); NSFW; some language 

Characters/Pairings in this part: Liam x MC; mentions of Liam x OC; Leo x Madeleine; Drake; Maxwell 

Word count: 3,286(+/-) Future chapters will hopefully not be this long. 

A/N: Some characters belong to Pixelberry. 

Tags: If you would like to be added or removed please let me know. Only tagging those that specifically asked for permatag. 

@yourmajesty09​ @gkittylove99​

“Are you ready for this Brother? You know if you want to back out now, the jet is ready just in case.” 

Leo smirked at his younger brother. “ My brother, the cynic. I love her Li and I know one day you’ll find someone. You have to let what Maria did to you go.” Liam rolled his eyes. 

Two hours later they arrived at the cathedral. It was the royal wedding of the century. Leo and Madeleine were the epitome of royalty. The country couldn’t have been more proud for the reigning monarch and his new Queen. The reception followed the ceremony and the happy couple danced the night away without a care in the world. 

King Leonardo and Queen Madeline were set for their month long honeymoon while Liam handled the country. 

“Listen little brother, if you need anything ask Dad or Regina before you call us. We have a duty to produce an heir and I fully intend on making that happen.” Leo winked at Madeleine. “Liam, don’t hesitate to call.” She rolled her eyes at her husband. “The King here is getting a little ahead of himself, I think.” “Don’t worry about a thing while you're gone.” Liam kissed Madeleine on the cheek and shook Leo’s hand. “Enjoy marital bliss lovebirds, don’t worry about a thing stateside.” 

It was smooth sailing running the country while the King and Queen were away. Liam worked with Constantine to secure Cordonia’a place in the UN. He also managed to get Leo an entrance in the International Trade Exchange. After the royal couples homecoming ball Liam and Leo sat in Leo’s study with a tumbler of scotch in each of their hands. “Thanks for everything you have done, Li.” “That’s what I am here for, Your Majesty” Liam said, with a sarcastic grin. “Sometimes I hate this shit but Madeleine loves it and I love her.” Leo shrugged. “Any news on an heir yet?” Liam asked, as he sipped his drink. “No, we decided to wait a while. Adjust to our positions. What about you? You ready to get back out there?” “Where is out there? I’m good where I’m at.” Liam said, smoothly but he knew he wasn’t fooling his older brother. “Oh here Li, Maddie booked you a villa in the Maldives for a week as a thank you. Take it, blow off some steam. Maybe you’ll meet someone.” “I wish you all would get off my damn back. I’m the spare. Who cares if I’m single? Between you, Connie, Regina and Max, I can’t get a minutes of fucking peace. I’m glad you married Maddie. She’s the only on that doesn’t give a fuck. Learn something from her.” Liam snapped, “I’ll take the vacation, but only the get the fuck away from here.” “Stop being so emotional Li, we just worry about you.” 

A month later, Liam boarded the royal jet destined for South Asia. He decided to take the trip alone with no security detail. The time away from everyone he felt would give him some perspective over where his life was headed. He was the spare after all. Not much was expected of him except to show up when needed. He wasn’t needed to run a country. He couldn’t choose any job he wanted, he was still a figurehead of the Royal family. He didn’t even have a girlfriend. 

“My son, I do hope you find a woman worthy of you soon. You may not be king, but its always beneficial to the stability of the monarchy to establish heirs.” Constantine’s words played on repeat in the back of Liam’s mind. 

“Sir, sir, we’ve arrived.” Liam woke to the attendant shaking him awake. Liam departed the jet and headed to his private villa. Good taste Maddie. The Maldives was quiet this time of year. Not many tourists which Liam was excited about. He wanted time alone. His villa was the most secluded. No one would be bothering him, he hoped. The villa was a large one bedroom bungalow with a glass bottom floor. He could see straight to the bottom of the crystal clear water below. Liam got settled in and decided to stay in and relax with a glass of scotch and a book George Orwell’s 1984. 

Tap Tap Tap 

What the fuck was that? Liam sat up. He was dozing off, the sun outside was setting. He looked down. 

Who the fuck is that? 

A girl was tapping on the glass floor beneath him. She was in a light blue string bikini with scuba gear strapped to her. 

Tap Tap Tap she tapped more frantically. 

She pointed to the hatch directing him to open it. He ran over and opened it and she climbed out. She took the regulator out of her mouth and unzipped her vest. “Ugh sorry. I was following a fish and got stuck. I didn’t mean to intrude. I’m Camilla. Most call me Cami.” She stuck out her free hand for a handshake. Liam just stood in place frozen. He couldn’t move or speak. 

This is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen! What did she say her name was? Camilla? Say something you idiot!! 

“Ummm okay.. I’ll go. I’m only further down the beach. It’s okay if I use the front door?” Liam nodded his head, still unable to speak. Cami started towards the door. “Wait, I’m sorry, I’m Liam. I just didn’t expect to see someone, so beaut… coming through my floor” he ran to open the door for her. “Here I’ll carry that for you.” He reached for her oxygen tank. “No no I got it.” “It’s the least I can do for my rudeness.  Are you within walking distance or we can drive?” “Walking is fine, as long as that’s not too heavy for you?” Cami winked and pointed to her vest in his hand. Liam laughed nervously unsure of what to say. “Lead the way, Camilla.” Cami felt a tingle down her spine at the way her name fell off his full lips. “So, Liam? Right?,” he nodded his head, “what brings you to the Maldives, business or pleasure?” “Neither really, relaxation, alone time, what about you? Are you a local?” “Local?,” she laughed, “I wish, no I am here for R&R like you. Alone time? You’re on vacation alone?” “Yep, just me. That weird huh?” They made it to her bungalow. Six bungalows. Liam thought to himself. “Well this is me” Cami said as they stood at the end of the bridge that led to her front door. “Cami, where have you been?” a girl that looked strikingly like the one standing in front Liam. “Sorry that’s my sister,” Cami whispered to Liam, “I’ll be there in a minute Ans.” Ansley didn’t listen. She came striding right next to Cami. “Who is this?” Ansley asked out loud. She looked Liam up and down. “He’s cute, look at this chiseled abs Cam, mhmm..” “You’re engaged stupid. Go inside.” Cami snapped at her sister. “I’m sorry Liam, you’ll have to excuse my overzealous twin sister.” “Oh it’s fine, she likes my abs. Maybe I should be shirtless more often,” Liam winked at Ansley. “Oh my God, Cam if you don’t kiss him I will.” “Go the fuck inside, Ansley.” Cam whispered, her face turning bright red. Ansley laughed and went back inside. “Well, thanks for not letting me drown earlier, I’ll see ya around Liam.” Cami went to grab her stuff and go inside, but without thinking Liam pulled her into a soft kiss. Cami pulled away. “Umm thanks bye.” She ran inside leaving Liam standing at the end of the bridge. 

“Shut up Ansley. Do not say a fucking word.” Cami slammed the door to her room. She threw herself down on the bed. Her world felt like it was spinning. She couldn't help but think how soft and sensual the kiss was. She had never felt anything like it. 

Liam walked home alone with his thoughts. His hands dug into his pockets as flip flops kicked up the sand behind him. He headed towards the beach to clear his thoughts. He didn’t know what took over his body when he kissed Cami but whatever it was he liked it. The way she tasted, mint mixed with salt of the ocean, and slight smell of coconuts in her hair. He sat on the beach and listened to the waves. It had been nearly 5 years since Maria had broken his heart. He closed himself off after that. He decided being alone was easier than getting hurt. There was an instant connection with Cami. He couldn’t deny the electricity between them. Liam called it a night and headed back to his bungalow. He checked his phone. No new messages. He laid on the bed with a thud, flicked the light off and drifted into a deep sleep. 

Bang Bang Bang “Liammmm are youuuu in there?” Bang Bang Bang 

Liam rolled over with a groan and checked his phone. 3:17am 

Bang Bang “Open Uppp” 

“Who is it? It’s three o’clock in the morning!” Liam yelled. He climbed out of bed and stumbled to the door still groggy from sleep. “Cami?” He said, completely alert at the sight of her. “Heyyyy Liiiiaamm.” Cami slurred, “Can I come in?” “Are you drunk Cami?” She pulled a bottle of champagne she was holding behind her back and handed it to him. “Want some?” She asked, leaning against the door frame. “Sure. Come in.” He ushered her inside and to the large sofa. He grabbed a water for Cami and poured himself a glass of the champagne she brought. “Maybe have some water first.” He handed her the bottle. “So what’s bring you over?” “That kiss.. I thought we could.. try it again..?” Liam looked up. She crashed her lips onto his. She forced his lips apart and into his mouth. The electricity radiated from their bodies. Liam fisted her blonde locks with one hand and wrapped his other arm around her waist and pulled her on his lap. Liam picked Cami up as she wrapped her toned, sun kissed legs around his waist. He carried her to the bed and laid her down on her back, their kiss never breaking. Cami ran her fingers down the elastic of his boxers. “Wait Cami, we shouldn’t. You’re drunk.” Cami knew he was right. Liam rolled on his side next to her. He kissed her on the forehead and wrapped his arm around her. “I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

Mmm.. moist.. tight.. Liam woke from his dream. He still felt the sensations he was feeling while he was asleep. “Fuck Cami” he moaned. Her tongue swirled around the tip of his growing cock. She licked the beads of precum. Liam pulled the sheet off so he could watch her work his member. She looked him in the eyes as she took him all the way down her throat. Liam had never been so turned on. “Come here. It’s my turn.” Liam pulled her up and kissed her passionately as he rolled her to her back. He kissed and nipped at her already peaked nipples. He nipped her hip bones and sucked leaving his masks behind. He slid a finger through her moist folds. He brought his mouth to her bundle of nerves. Cami almost leaped off the bed at the feel of his tongue swirling her clit. He continued the lashing of her clit and pushed a finger inside. He pumped in and out curling his finger against her most sensitive spot. He could feel her let go at the pleasure of his fingers. He climbed back up hovering above her on his elbows and kissed her until her lips were swollen and bruised. He grabbed a condom out of the night stand drawer. “Let me,” Cami said seductively. She leaned forward and unrolled the condom to the base of his length. “Fuck you make not want to to wear this, I want you so much Camilla.” He lined himself up with her dripping center. He thrust deep and slow and allowed her to adjust. He groaned at how tight she felt around him. She wrapped her legs around and rolled her hips to meet his thrusts. He took a nipple in his mouth and sucked as he thrust inside her. He felt her walls start to flutter the harder he thrust inside her. “Cum for me Camilla” his words were all it took for her to come completely undone. She screamed his name as his thrusts became more frantic. He gripped her hips digging his fingers into her skin as he erupted inside her. He leaned down and kissed her deeply as pulled himself out of her. He laid next to her and pulled her into his arms. Neither one of them could find the words to say. 

“I leave in a week.” Cami finally broke the silence. “Me too” Liam whispered, “Spend the week with me.” “Okay. My sister is leaving early. Wedding emergency.” 

They spent the next week enjoying each other. They learned everything they could about each other. Liam told her about his family in Cordonia. His brother and his wife. His father's retirement. She told him about Graduate School and the pressures she was facing from her family over choosing a job. When they weren’t talking they were learning everything they could about each other’s bodies. Kisses, licks, bits, moans and screams. 

Six days later after spending the night exploring each other, Liam and Camilla laid in on the glass floor completely naked looking down at the fish below. “Stay one more week with me, Cam” Liam whispered. “I already extended my trip, but it’s just one more week and I have to go,” Liam pulled her into his arms,“Every second with you is everything, you are everything, go on a date with me?” “Okay. But our dinner options may be limited due to the isolated island.” She spoke softly. “Leave it to me my love.” Liam felt her body tense at her words. He didn’t know why he said it. Oh my God it’s been a week you idiot! He screamed in his head. 

Cami woke the next morning to find Liam’s side of the bed empty and cold. She threw on Liam’s tshirt that was on the floor from the night before and headed to the kitchen. A note was leaned against the coffee pot full of freshly brewed coffee for her. 

                                                  Hey Baby, 

                         Enjoy your coffee & meet me at the beach. 

                                                        -L 

                                     P.S.

                                    Wear something you can get wet. 

Camilla smiled and finished her coffee. She took a quick shower and brushed her teeth. She threw on an all white cheeky string bikini and a pair of Ray Bans and headed down to the beach. As she got closer to the beach she saw a large white tent set up with the the corners tied open. Liam was sitting on a thick blanket with pillows surrounding him and a glass of champagne in his hand. 

“Liam?” Camilla whispered. Liam jumped up at the sound of her voice. Her voice was a siren song in his ears. “Hey Baby,” Liam leaned down and kissed Cami on the cheek, “join me?” They drank, ate, and laughed together. Cami felt herself falling. I love you, damn those three words, you leave in two days Cami. Get yourself together. “Liam, we need to talk.” She lowered her head avoiding eye contact. She knew if she looked in his eyes she would get lost, better yet she would drown in those deep pools of mysterious blue. “I leave in two days. I go back to reality on different ends of the Earth.” “I know Cam, we can try can’t we? I can visit New York, you can come to Cordonia.” “No Liam, it’ll never work. We both have obligations.” Liam lifted her head to meet her eyes. “Give me today tonight.” Liam kissed her so deeply it left her dizzy. They spent the rest of the night into the early morning making up for time they didn’t they had lost. 

The day came for them to leave their tropical paradise and their love for the moment. Neither had spoken a word to each other. Neither finding the words. Cami sat on the bad after packing her suitcase. Her flight boarded in an hour. Liam’s flight didn’t leave until later that night. “Cami, can we stay in touch?” Liam sat next to Cami and laced his fingers through hers. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea. I just.. It’s time for me to go..” Cami stood up. Liam stood up and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m not saying good-bye Liam,” she whispered as tears welled up in her eyes. “Then don’t say anything at all,” Liam wiped the tears away as they fell down her cheeks, “I”ll drive you the airport.” Liam lifted her into his arms and carried her to his black Range Rover parked in the parking lot near the villa entrance. Cami stared out the passenger window without saying a word. Liam held her hand in his lap tightly as he drove. He dreaded having to watch her board the plane not knowing whether he would ever see her again. 

They pulled up to the tarmac and Liam jumped out and ran around the car to open the passenger door for Cami. Cami leaned forward and buried her head in her hands as the sobs took over. “Why is this so hard after only two weeks, Liam?” Liam pulled her hands from her face. “I don’t know. We will see each other again. I can feel it, my love.” She got out of the car and he wrapped her in one last kiss. A kiss filled with love and sadness. A kiss that made their world stop turning and everything around them melted away. Liam pulled away and kissed her forehead, her cheeks, and her nose like he was memorizing every inch of her features. “My love,” Cami interrupted Liam, “Don’t say it. Will you text me?” “Every day.” Liam watched as Cami boarded the plane. She waved before the plane doors shut. He watched as her plane took off and disappeared above the clouds. A familiar feeling he hadn’t felt in two weeks, what was almost a distant memory flooded him. Loneliness. She already felt like a figment of his imagination. Liam drove back to his bungalow to pack. He passed by Cami’s bungalow. An emptiness he didn’t recognize creeped into his heart. He walked into his bungalow and pulled out his phone. He needed someone to talk to. Someone to tell him what to do. 

                     “Drake.. Ya it’s Li. Ya sorry I took off for two weeks                                     without telling you.. Everything’s fine. I’ll be home tomorrow. So I’m                                             calling because I met a girl..” 

Liam told Drake everything about Cami. How they met and her sister. How they had an instant unexplainable connection. How he thought he was in love. How he thought she was the one. The One. 

“Listen Li, Go after her. Don’t be a fucking idiot. I’ll be on the next flight to New York, ugh apparently Max too. Do you know where she lives?” Drake asked. 

“I don’t even know her last name. She has a twin sister named Ansley and she’s graduating from Columbia Law next week. And she’s from Manhattan, New York. That’s kinda all I got. I have her number but I am sure she doesn’t want me chasing her down...” 

“I’ll get Bas on it. I’m sure he has plenty of time since Maddie locked Leo down,” Drake laughed, “we’ll find her.”

[whats-the-story-tc]

31st of January, 2020

"The One Where Atlas Stumbles"

[LONG POST WARNING]

Another day, another flannel.

Dreaming with her the second night in a row, I really bloody hoped they hadn't changed the supervising schedule and I'd see her when I come in. And I did. What with my impending two-hour rehearsal instead of my first two classes, Debate Friend and Art Friend being outside and just plainly the sight of V, I was way too giddy. Teasing Debate Friend about me and Art Friend not having to suffer in Physics, making jokes, laughing way too loud. I noticed V turning in our direction, I think I might even have seen her watching us.

As we leave, Debate Friend to class and us to look for the always late A, we pass V and I flash her my biggest smile to greet her. Art Friend and I are back soon enough, chatting, and I tell her "Something always happens when I'm having a good morning." This time it's V passing us. There is something gentle about the way she looks at me. You know that particular look on someone's face when they aren't smiling, but they still look happy? Content is the word for it, maybe. That's the look. Oh, how I wish I wasn't right about what I said...

Break between rehearsals, I'm outside chatting to my friends, most of them about to have class with the new (foreign) English teacher. Bookworm Friend is gushing, what if he's young and just out of college (either of which he isn't), cuz then she's gonna be really good at English. I automatically tell her "he's a whole ass adult and you're a minor, you can't do that" before I realise what I just said basically contradicts what I call my current love life. "Though I am one to speak" I add frowning, and everyone laughs. I really am a bloody clown, aren't I?

English with V, in the very same classroom where I spent two hours crossing my arms, yelling at and threatening one of the boys in my year (that's my character, don't be scared), and falling on my knees over and over again until we got the scene right. V is quite visibly a little worn down, still in the process of finishing what I assume was probably coffee, but powering through class. Metaphors, synesthesia, symbols and the such, what they are and how they work grammatically. After spending two hours the previous night deciphering Biblical parables and breaking them down to metaphors and meanings for a test we didn't even write, I felt ready.

Cynical Twat has his finger bandaged, I think he cut it or something, and thus he can't write. V asks him about it, and when he tells her all that, she's just like "Well, I was never allowed [not to write]." in this half surprised, half jealous kind of way.

The words for pigeon and dove are interchangeable in my mother tounge, as the actual word for dove is quite outdated. And although the metaphor was about a dove, V specified "When we call someone a pigeon, we don't mean that they smell and spread diseases." At the end of class, when somebody asked her how specific we will need to get about recognising these things in writing, she mentioned we will need to know which example is a metaphor or which one is, for example, a symbol, and added "but you will only need to know the exact subtype if you're preparing for an A level", and briefly glanced straight at me before taking a sip of her coffee. I smiled. Challenge accepted.

First lunch break, two people from the other class are rushing towards me the moment they see me, to ask for my Literature textbook. V told them if anyone doesn't have theirs, they're going to have to answer some questions for a grade. Me being me, I gave it to them because, as I told Pocketwatch Friend, "I love V to bits, but I wouldn't want anyone having to answer the questions she asks." Got my book back the next lunch break, as they forgot everyone's having homeroom, and getting their first term report cards.

V and I have a bit of a similar way of walking—long and fast strides, shoulders straight, head held high—so it was a bit funny, both of us heading towards the same door from opposite ends of the corridor. (Though I only really walk like this when I'm confident in myself. It's funny, apparently I do it often enough for it to be noticeable, cuz admittedly, V recognises this walk of mine. It's something she told me at the end of last year, when she mistook someone on the street for me, but realised our hairs were different and that I walk differently.)

As I'm sat in my usual place, head on Pocketwatch Friend's shoulder as I was really tired, I notice that there is something off about V as she's typing away on her laptop. I couldn't exactly pinpoint what, but I felt that something wasn't quite right. The feeling further strengthened when she started the lesson, and I saw her eyes. They looked years older than they did merely three hours before. There was this... deep-rooted exhaustion and sorrow in them, and at first glance, I thought she had cried. She did smile a couple times as far as I remember, and by the end of the lesson, when she showed us some romanticism-period music and art, and we all cracked up on how the cable connecting our projector to her laptop constantly malfunctioned and kept colouring everything to pink, she seemed to be in a lot better mood. That's something I noticed about her in the past two months or so, that she's usually a bit off when she starts class with us, but by the end of it, she's much more calm and feeling better. Not to brag, but I think she likes being with us.

On my way out, as she was telling everyone to put their chairs up, I told her to get some rest as I passed her. She usually doesn't hear these kind of comments because she doesn't want to, but I tried. But, while her "thanks" was probably addressed to the others, she did look me in the eye as she was walking out, me already being outside. There is something gentle about the way she looks at me. Maybe she did hear it, after all. Maybe she was glad. These looks of hers are the reason I never know for sure how she feels about me. That's the one thing I never learned how to read about her.

After I spent an hour and half with six little girls clinging to me every other minute of training, I went home feeling great. That's how I know I'm doing my job well. My boys aren't quite so physical, naturally, but I like to think they like me, too. They laugh at my jokes. Anyway, I was in a good mood, ready for dinner, having a good time... then I get a text from Bandana Friend, saying "Look at V's [SNS account]."

Private account.

I immediately got dead scared. What if she found out I was there? What if she saw? Oh God, what if I fucked up? I immediately lost my appetite, and I was in a rather intense state of fear and panic, not at all able to think the situation through rationally and spamming both Bandana and Pocketwatch Friend about the situation. Now, I am aware that I overreacted quite a bit, to the point of nearly crying, and that the situation is nearly not as dramatic as I thought, but I really felt like I betrayed her and invaded her privacy, which, especially after all the shit she's done for me, felt like quite the dick move.

Why was her account public before if she didn't want anyone finding her, you may ask. I actually haven't got an exact answer for that. The best I can say is that—she's human. She made a mistake, and I trust her enough to feel that she did. She was careless, but I'm in no position to throw the first stone at her. After all, I was, too.

For long hours after that, I felt hollow. Disappointed in myself. I could only cry later as well, once my mum was gone. Quite tragic, that. One Friday I'm crying in her arms, the next I'm crying because of her. This is why it took me so long to sit down and tell you this, even just writing all this took me 4 whole ass hours. As I thought it over and over again, I realised V isn't someone I should be fearing. That if she ever confronted me about it and I admitted to it, she would be hurt, but she'd understand. She wouldn't hold a grudge, and I could surely make it right by her, were that the case.

But both my friends offered an explanation that made even more sense. After all, it was my cousin from the other class who found it, and surely all of his classmates know. My friends both said that maybe someone over there let the cat out of the bag—honestly, some people there are the type. If you read things back, the fact that she had class with them between our two classes with her, and that she started class with us really disoriented and worn quite add up. I don't think I'll ever know if she saw I was there. I don't think she'll ever mention it. I still feel a little guilty, and something tells me all this isn't quite over yet, not until I see her again and see how she acts. But spending an hour last night, jumping around barefoot in my PJs while listening to Queen and Abba and lip-synching into my phone worked wonders to get the depression out. You should try it.

We'll see how things go. Maybe I screwed up, maybe we both did, maybe neither of us has. Whatever happens, I'll tell you next time. Promise I'll be on time from now on.

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

[realityhelixcreates]

Lasabrjotr Chapter 47: Sixth Mask

Chapters: 47/? Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Teen And Up Warnings: None Relationships: Loki x Reader (Someday) Characters: Loki (Marvel), Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending (Canon-Divergent), A Lot Of Things Happen All At Once, You Might Have Been A Little Hasty,  Summary:  You gather up the courage to confess to Loki.

Through a sleepy haze, you realized that someone had entered the room with you. It wasn't Loki, but an unfamiliar woman-probably a healer's apprentice-who approached you and stroked your face.

“Just one more to go.” She murmured. “It's you, hmm? How unusual. I wouldn't have expected that of Asgardian aristocracy. Oh well. He's brought this on himself.”

She left then, without doing anything else, leaving you wondering, in your drowsiness, if she had just been a dream.

                                                                      *****

“Look, you can say that the royal family has a tradition of charity as much as you like, but we don't have a huge reserve of resources anymore.” Brunnhilde argued. “You can't just snap your fingers and get what you want. Where are we getting the money? Where are we getting the builders? Ours are all tied up in constructing the city! We don't have the bodies, we just don't have them!”

“I'll contract other humans to do it!” Loki suggested. They'd been at it for a few minutes now, working out kinks and blocks to his plan. “Humans built these things in the first place; they should know how it works.”

“They don't build them anymore! They build...I don't know, tasteful three-bedroom apartments, and things like that!”

“No, they do.” Thor interjected. “I've seen this 'reconstruction' Loki speaks of. I once visited Sweden on an Avengers world tour-press conference event.”

Loki snorted.

“Yes, I know, but it's not much different than a royal procession, is it? We needed the positive PR at the time. And they greeted me specifically with a longhouse they had built according to archaeological finds. They thought it represented Asgardian living quarters.”

Brunnhilde laughed. “Did you tell them?”

“Of course not!” Thor said. “They put so much work into it, and they were trying to honor me. It was a heartfelt gift. So I stayed there, and I 'consecrated' it for them. It's a museum now. But my point is; there are enough people who know how to build these things that they were able to do that, and it's not the only one they've made in modern times, so we should actually be able to hire contractors who know what they are doing.”

“Okay, but again, where are we getting the funds?” Brunnhilde continued. “This is a lovely plan, sure, but it's pure fantasy unless we get the cash!”

“I'll...just...figure something out.” Loki grumbled. “There's got to be some way a god can make money on this planet.”

“You could strip.” Brunnhilde suggested.

“I shan't!” Loki refused. “There must be something else, something less base. Besides, no one wants to see my flesh. Why don't you strip?”

Brunnhilde shrugged. “I could, but I'd be keeping the money.”

“How about you ask _____? She might have some ideas.” Thor suggested. “Honestly Loki, if you want to know anything about Earth, it's probably best to ask the locals.”

“Yes, yes.” He griped. “Fewer surprises, more involvement, I get it. When she wakes up, I'll present her with my idea, and see if she has any suggestions.”

“Do you have any meetings today?” Thor asked.

“Just a few. I'll get them done early, and we can discuss things over dinner. I wonder if she likes candles? I'll set a few out and see.”

Thor fondly watched his brother rush to his duties, still bursting with ideas. It had been a long time since he had seen Loki look so hopeful. This time would be better than the others, he was sure.

                                                                           *****

You woke fully, what seemed like hours later, all fuzziness and drowsiness banished. You felt great, in fact. When you swung your legs over the bed and hopped to your feet, there was no residual dizziness, and when you rubbed the side of your head, there was almost no pain.

The healing machines certainly did a good job! Maybe they were adapting to your alien physiology? Either way, you were grateful for it.

When you checked your tiny hand mirror-one of the trinkets that dangled from your domed brooches, it didn't seem like your face had gone back to normal yet, but maybe it would take more time. Or maybe, since the bones had already healed, they couldn't be convinced to 'heal' any further.

Either way, you should probably go let Loki know that you wouldn't need that wheelchair any more. In fact, you were going to just leave it here, so someone else could use it, if they needed it.

Everyone in the healing wing was busy with the mystery illness, so it was easy for you to slip out unnoticed. No one else had died from it yet, but no one had gotten any better either. You didn't need to pull any healers away from their jobs to send for Loki; you would just go find him yourself.

And while you were feeling so good and fresh, perhaps you should discuss your feelings with him as well. After all, if you got it out into the open, and let him reject you, then you could get over it faster and start fresh, without it all bubbling over in your mind. Better to just get it over with.

                                                                             *****

The last meeting was over, and Loki slumped wearily on the throne, exhausted by how many people still seemed to think they could live and make demands the way they used to. It had been so much easier when he'd been Odin. The people accepted his verdicts; they argued with Loki, lied to him, tried to manipulate him, as if constantly forgetting that he knew what they were doing. Or perhaps they simply didn't take it into account, perhaps they were just doing what they had always done, and were incapable of fathoming that anything had to change. But that woodenness, that rigidity always led to collapse in the end, and Loki meant to keep that from happening. They would have to learn flexibility.

But he was done with that for the day. Now he needed to drum up some candles for a nice dinner with you, and see if you had woken up yet.

Compassion. You clearly valued it, and so, he was going to show it. You would just love this plan of his, he knew it. He would show infinite kindness to these dedicated humans, and you would fall madly in love with him, and-

He was getting a little ahead of himself. It wouldn't be that easy. This was just one step in the journey to prove himself. You had seen the prince and you had seen a little bit of the god, but he still had to show you the man. Who was Loki, under all the titles and fame?

He looked up at the sound of the door opening, straightening up in the throne when he saw you quietly enter.

How swiftly the weariness fled at the mere sight of you! How his tired mood soared at the prospect of spending time with you. He thanked the Norns for you.

“Come, enter! I see you are walking on your own now. How do you feel? Do you hurt at all?”

You smiled at him. “Only a little sore, hardly at all. I'm walking just fine now, but if I have any problems, I'll let you know.”

“That's very good to hear. Would you like to take dinner with me? Formally, I mean, not in our rooms. I'll have something nice made, just for us.”

“You mean, like a date?” You asked, almost teasing. Loki sat up straighter.

“Well...if you want to look at it that way, I certainly cannot stop you. You can approach, you know. You don't have to keep your distance when I am on the throne.”

“I'm not interrupting anything?” You asked. “No more people to meet, no more problems to resolve?”

“Not for today. It's just us now.”

“Oh, that's good. There's something private I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Private?” That might be a good sign. If you wanted to open up to him, that meant you felt close to him, and trusted him. Something felt odd about this though. Like the hazy unreality of a daydream. Like you were reading from a script of things he wanted to hear.

He swallowed as you approached. Had your hips always swayed like that when you walked, or was he only noticing now that he had admitted his feelings to himself? Either way, it was doing things to him.

Thank the Norns he always had the prescience to wear long tunics...

“Loki...” You purred once you'd gotten close enough that he could hear you do it. “I need to tell you something. Now, you're free to take this as you will, I don't expect anything from you. But I can't hide this anymore.”

“Yes?” His voice came out more excited than he'd intended. Could it be?

You leaned over him, arms resting on the throne, and his pulse hit a fever pitch. His eyes torn between yours, your lips, the soft swell of your breasts under the modest clothing you preferred, the memory of which was still etched in his memory...

“I've been feeling strongly for you lately. I've come to care for you, and I think I might even be falling for you. I know that's probably not what you want from me, but I thought I should let you know.”

“No! That's exactly what I want from you!” The words burst from him like an inexperienced youth, someone so full of emotion that he could no longer properly manage it. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into his lap. “ I feel the same. _____, I adore you! I would do anything for you! Anything!”

Some tiny part of his mind nagged that this was too good to be true. The cynical part that didn't believe he deserved happiness. This was all happening so fast. But you had always been a little unpredictable in temperament; it was one of the things he liked about you. Perhaps you had simply realized how good he could be for you, and decided to go with it. How could he argue?

“Anything?” Your smile dazzled him, taking his attentions away from his doubts, the insistence of his lie-senses that something was off. “Then kiss me Loki. Have a well-deserved reward!”

You pressed your lips to his, filling him with pure, electric bliss. It drove every doubt from his mind; the slightly wrong scent of you, the suddenness of it all, the odd hollowness of your back, none of it mattered. Only the delightful experience of your mouth.

By the time he recognized his growing weakness, it was far too late to pull away, and he found he did not want to. He didn't want this moment to end; he was happy to die here.

It seemed you were going to make sure that he did.

                                                                                                                                                             *****

Heimdall rushed through the halls, face layered with concern. He did not recognize what he had just seen, but he knew it meant danger. People jumped out of his path, knowing that he, of all people, must be given the right of way. Few things could make Heimdall run.

“Your Majesty!” He cried, bursting in on Thor's solitary dinner. “I have seen danger in Asgard.”

Thor leaped to his feet. “What? Where? What is it?” He demanded.

“I am not yet certain. I have never seen such a being before, but someone has invaded the city. Every time I looked, her face was different, but I can see the strings of life she trails behind her. She is responsible for the illness of the workers, though I know not how or why.”

“Where is this being?” Thor asked, grabbing Stormbreaker, which he had leaned against the wall nearest the door.

Heimdall's orange eyes scanned through the walls.

“The throne room.” He said finally. “Hurry!”

                                                                                                                                                *****

You wandered the halls, seeking out a guard who could speak to you in a language you could understand. When you finally found one, he seemed very confused to see you.

“Oh, you must go in circle. Must get lost.” He said, when you asked where Loki was. “Throne room. That way, then that way, then that way. Two doors.”

You got fewer stares nowadays, most of the people in the palace complex having seen you often enough to no longer find you all that unusual. No one bothered you as you made your way towards the throne room, wondering if the murals had been finished yet. There would be so many paintings on the walls by the time the artists were finished, that you didn't think there would be a blank spot anywhere.

You found what you thought were the doors the guard had referred to, trying to remember if this was the same place you had met the king to sign yourself to citizenship.

Well. It was time to confess, and come clean. Maybe he would reciprocate? No no, it was best not to hold that hope. This was just to clear the air, so that you could move on.

You quietly opened the door.

You quietly closed the door.

It seemed you didn't need to wait for his answer after all.

[sunlitroom]

Gotham – s5e03 – Penguin, Our Hero

As I watched it, and some random observations here and there.

Previously on Gotham:

Selina can walk again. She’s also part cat, thanks to the whole ‘medication may release the darker angels of your true self’ side-effect. Big-eyed orphans flocked to Jim. Tabitha ran into Oswald’s knife. Lots of gangleaders want to kill Jim. Barbara rescued him because she needs his help killing Oswald, because no-one else in interested, because Tabitha was easily one of the most dislikeable people in town. Seriously, Barbara. Have you noticed that Sirens isn’t exactly swamped in floral tributes?  Haven exists in soft focus.  Ed and Tank got rough.  Some very lazy graffiti implicated Oswald in the killing of several gang members.

As always, long post will be long.  There are likely to be rambling digressions. Gobblepot might appear (although I welcome all shippers and non-shippers alike :)).  There will be naked favouritism and naked not-favouritism.  Broader comments at the end on plotlines and parallels and general direction.

Oswald opens what I’m assuming is his bedroom door, or a door to his private rooms. He hears a choir singing a song of praise and smiles beatifically.

(An aside.  This is really dumb and I hate it - I'm not wasting wrist strength on it.  Also - it's really offensive.  Really really offensive)

In summary, Penn gives Oswald good news about production.  The writers feel the need to really hammer home that totalitarian regimes are bad, like we may be somehow unaware of this.  We also learn that people are ‘defecting’ to Haven, and that people love Jim Gordon.  Oswald pitches a hissy fit that’s interrupted when a bunch of bikers break in, looking for revenge for Oswald’s apparent attack.  He explains to the leader exactly how and why he’s stupid, and orders him to be interrogated.

In her hospital bed, Selina dreams about being shot by Jeremiah.  This will be a recurring theme in this episode – Selina has flashbacks later - and I think it’s a good thing that we get to see someone actually dealing with the aftermath of trauma.  I hope they don’t try to attribute this to the nasty seed thing later.

Waking with a start, she gets up and dressed and heads out onto the roof. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she leaps off the side, like she used to do.

At Haven, Harvey is warning about coping with the growth of new arrivals - word spreading like bad case of clap.  He also warns that the gangs will come looking for the slave labour they’ve lost.

Jim seems unconcerned. Let 'em

Harvey says they hardly have any ammo or food to deal with either issue– but Jim still refuses to turn people away.

Harvey then eyes Jim, and asks him when he slept – he’s been going full-tilt for months.  Jim tells him he’s OK – but does seem a little flat as he says this.

They enter a makeshift canteen, where Bruce is working.  They ask him for some good news, and Bruce tells them something about a water purification system that’s small-scale, but still an improvement.

As they’re talking, a fight breaks out over rations.  Jim breaks it up, and then realises people are staring expectantly, and delivers a speech. He tells the new arrivals that they’re all welcome, but they need to leave the fighting outside.  The government thinks they don’t need help, and they need to prove otherwise.  The gangs outside can tear each other apart – but they need to help each other survive.

Harvey is the voice of cynicism – pointing out that Jim’s speech worked now, but that it’s not going to be pretty when they find out that the government has abandoned them.

Bruce tells Jim that he’s holding this place together, and giving everyone hope – but he has more to add to his plate.  Will, the big-eyed orphan, is having nightmares and broke his arm falling from his bed.  Could Jim talk to him?

(An aside.  I get that they’re building up Jim as a more uncomplicated protagonist and father figure.  This is also to emphasise how emotionally invested Jim is in Haven, so that the explosion at the end will have added impact.  However.  It is treacly to the point of becoming sickening.  Maybe it’s setting up another of Jim’s dark paths – where he’ll side with his old army pal over tried and tested allies in Gotham, and have a one night stand with Barbara – but even then, it’s just all felt a little heavy-handed)

In the dormitory, Jim sits down next to Will.  Bruce tells him that they can’t imagine what he’s been through, but that he’s safe now. Jim underlines this by telling him that he’ll never let anyone hurt him again.

(An aside.  Jim, no.  You can’t promise that.  You can promise to do your best – but you can’t promise to keep someone safe like that. Bruce is young enough to have an excuse. You know better.)

Jim offers the boy a treat before he leaves.

I’ve got something for you: pineapple from my rations.  Hang in there – I’ll check on you later

He and Bruce walk away

(An aside – the obvious parallel here is between Jim and Oswald as leaders. Oswald – on an ego-trip, serving himself an elaborate breakfast, literally enjoying hearing his praises sung, slowly leaking followers. Jim – giving his rations away, working himself exhausted for his people, with people endlessly arriving at Haven.

And I suspect that’s how we’re supposed to view it – but, and I know I’m probably overcomplicating, it’s not quite so black and white.  It’s not as nakedly motivated by ego as Oswald’s actions, but there’s no way that this isn’t gratifying for Jim)

Selina shows up in the dormitory. An alarmed Bruce tells her she’s supposed to be resting- but a cocky Selina asks him if she looks like she needs it.  She’s never felt better, and she wants to find the freak who shot me.

Bruce says he’s been looking for Jeremiah, but never found anything.  Selina points out that there’s been an influx of refugees from all over the city – someone must know something.

Bruce says he wants to find him as much as Selina – but he’s had months to fortify, and they need to be careful.  Selina looks askance at him, and asks him if he’s scared.  Bruce replies that of course he is, Jeremiah

Shot you to get to me

He tells her he can’t lose her

Selina tells him she’s not his to lose.  He can’t stop her, but she does want his help.  Bruce stares for a moment, and says that if they’re going to take him down, they’ll do it right.  They’ll bring him back here and he’ll stand trial

(An aside.  Honestly, Bruce?  I don’t see any judges hanging around.  A makeshift court consisting of you, Jim and Harvey isn’t exactly doing it right.  On top of that, do you really want to bring Jeremiah into close proximity with defenceless civilians?)

Selina smiles fondly at Bruce’s naivete.  Reaching up, she touches his face and kisses him.

I was hoping I could count on you

Further in the dormitory, a man sitting on a bed says he heard rumours in dark zone – which is apparently a place of chaos - ruled by those who lost their minds when the bridges went down

(An aside.  Sigh, Gotham.  So the mentally ill are scary again.)

Jeremiah is there, gathering followers.  Selina makes to leave immediately, but the man remonstrates, telling her

You can’t go there: you’ll die!  Jeremiah is the least of your worries.  Everyone there is insane.  Look what they did to my friend

He pulls the cover down, and we can see the man in the bed has had stuff carved into his torso.

Oswald opens his bedroom door, in a snit, clad in underwear this time.  He’s wearing a tight black top and shorts under his white cotton garment. I’m guessing the white thing was possibly a little too see through, and they decided to just let the black underwear show rather than get a headache trying to hide it.

Penn! Where the f…..

His choir is gone, and there’s only Olga singing alone

(An aside – I know it’s not the biggest point in the world: but if people like Olga and Eyepatch Guy consistently come back to work for Oswald, then he’s not as uniformly loathsome as the show likes to paint him)

Oswald interrupts her – asking where his staff and Mr Penn are.  She informs them that they all defected to Haven.  He fulminates before panicking, looking for his dog.

He turns to Olga, teary-eyed

They took my dog?

She looks blandly at him

Rumour say pup went willingly

(An aside – I know Oswald’s scenes are more or less comic relief at points, but I still do get irritated when he takes more of a kicking than any other character in terms of sheer humiliation and being told he’s unlovable.)

He screams in rage and grabs the biker chained to the wall

You're in luck.  Our interests are now aligned – and you may live

He tells him to contact the other deeply irritating petty gangs, and to gather men, vehicles and petrol. He has bullets.  They’re going to pay a visit to Haven.

After he’s dressed, that is.

 At GCPD/Haven, Harvey – accompanied by Alvarez - tells Jim Oswald has made it through the barricade with gangs.

Jim tells them to load up. Harvey points out they’re low on ammo. Jim sends him to someone he hopes with be friendly.

(An aside here.  How much time has passed since last episode? Barbara made clear to Jim when she saved him that this was essentially conditional on him agreeing to plot Oswald’s death with her. Jim said he’d table that for later.  Is she still waiting for this to happen?  Has she just assumed he’s not going to do it? When are we, exactly?  If he’s really just never got back in touch, why assume that she’s going to be willing to help – other than the fact that he has no other options, and Jim has a track record of expecting help from people – no matter whether he’s recently jerked them around.)

Down the tree-lined street where Ivy and Selina once wandered – and which is now the dark zone. Selina cracks a joke about calling it the dull zone, and Bruce gazes at her – telling her he’s glad she seems herself again

Selina says she’s been here before – it’s the posh part of town. Bruce says people with money got out. She points out that he didn’t, and he tells her seriously that he had a reason to stay.

(An aside.  Oh Selina – and it wasn’t staying with you.  Bruce wanted Alfred to evacuate with Selina.  He was going to stay and hunt Jeremiah down.  Does Selina know this?)

A man with a bomb strapped to him runs towards them, frantically asking for help, before the bomb explodes.  We hear laughter and gunshot, as a band of God knows what approaches. Actually.  There was a version of Phantom of the Opera set in a disco in the 70s - called Phantom of the Paradise. They remind me of this, crossed with the slightly naff cenobites from Hellraiser III

Anyway

They turn to run, and collide with a hulking guy who’s not exactly friendly

Selina says they’re looking for Jeremiah

Kill you. Kill Jeremiah

Selina decides the best course of action is to find the schoolyard’s biggest bully and take him down

They all start fighting.

Haven, where Mr Penn is still conducting the choir - who now do hymns instead. We hear the sound of bikes approaching.  Penn nervously asks Jim what’s going on.

It’s Oswald.  Jim tells his men to hold their fire

Oswald gets out of his car – lividly angry.

Well. If it isn’t my old friend Mr Penn, and the Gertrud Kapelput Memorial Choir.  How nice to see some familiar faces!

Jim tells Oswald that he shouldn’t have come to Haven.  Oswald responds angrily that he stole his people and his dog.  

Jim says that the people came here of their own free will.  Oswald ignores him to call on his dog, who doesn’t respond to him

Jim raises his eyebrows at him triumphantly when the dog refuses to come when called.

Oswald reiterates that Jim is to return his people and his dog – and also apologise.  

Jim says no.

Oswald tells him he knows his ammo is used up – he’s bluffing.  

On Jim’s signal – some of his men take down some of the bikers.  Oswald pulls a face, and Jim says his men need some target practice.

Back with Selina and Bruce. The hulking guy tells her that she looks soft – while she tells him he looks 300lbs of ugly.  

Selina gets the man on the ground and starts clawing at his face with her new metal claws – demanding that he tell her where Jeremiah is.

The man protests that they don't mess with him – but then tells her he’s at Hotel North.

Selina’s still going, though, clawing at his face.  Bruce tells her he’s had enough.  She says it’s enough when she says so, and he restrains her.  

He looks at her, troubled, and tells her she won.  It’s over.

Selina blithely replies that it was easy, and strolls off.  Bruce stares after her unhappily.

Back at Haven, an irate Oswald tells the bikers that Jim is bluffing.  The leader asks how he knows.

I know Jim Gordon

Oswald says if they require a demonstration – they should march forward.  The biker says they have guns – Oswald retorts that he does too, and his are loaded.

They march.  As they approach, Jim tells his men to make ‘em count.

They shoot – but run out of bullets, leaving one man standing.

Oswald gloats that Jim is out of ammo, and points out that he doesn’t want his men to die.  

On the count of three, GCPD lower their weapons.

Bruce and Selina head to the church – Selina deftly climbing over cars.  Bruce is not happy at how she handled the big guy earlier, but Selina disagrees – asking whose side he’s on?

Yours. Always

As they approach the church, they see a shrine to Jeremiah.  Selina says she’ll tear his throat out.  They follow some other people up the stairs to the church and enter the building.

A woman in a mask welcomes them to the Church of Jeremiah, where the faithful will become their best selves – after a demonstration of faith.

They’re very oddly dressed. Shirt and tie – and one guy in a kilt (which tends really to be formal wear)

They walk further in. The masked woman stops Selina – and points out she doesn’t look like a worshipper.  Selina insincerely says she witnessed his work first hand, and she’ll never forget it.

She is permitted to pass, and follows the adherents upstairs.  The masked woman whispers in the ear of another guard before removing her mask.  It’s Ecco, in some dilapidated makeup.

Bruce slips away

(An aside - Where are the clean and well-dressed devotees coming from?  I thought the Dark Zone was a terrifying bedlam?  How did they get there without being attacked? Why are they so clean and well-presented?)

Oswald leads Jim to a cage/cell.  Jim tells him he’s going to regret this.  Oswald gloats that those are strong words for someone out of options.  He’s going to have Jim watch while they destroy Haven, and then shoot him and leave him for dead like did to Oswald

(An aside – Oswald – no you’re not.  We both know this.  Jim knows this.  That one-episode biker leader knows this.  Tank knows this.  Those weird English peasants at Ivy’s know this.   Give. It. Up)

Jim tells him when the government finds out what he’s done, he’ll be at the top of the wanted list. Jim – Jeremiah created this whole crisis.  Jonathan is crucifying people.  The government will not share your pigtail-pulling fascination with Oswald.

Oswald tells Jim the only law in Gotham is power.  Jim tells him they have children and families here.  What will happen when the gangs take them back? Oswald blithely says they’ll go back to being slaves.  His people will go back to their lives: bellies full of gruel, with him as their protector.

Jim tells him to take revenge on him – but leave the refugees alone.  Oswald tells him it’s almost tempting – before leaving

(An aside – and here, again, we have the problem with this storyline.  If you can tug on anyone’s heartstrings, it’s Oswald’s.  It’s stupid enough that they have him genuinely believing his people enjoy their life.  The additional notion that he wouldn’t actually care about children and families is stupid.  Let’s not forget – when Oswald was piloting the blimp, the worst outcome he could imagine was the death of thousands of innocent citizens.  It was Jim who felt the need to further incentivise him by appealing to his ambition.  Seriously, now.  It wasn’t that long ago.  I’ve said it several times before – but if your plot demands that the characters are ooc in order to facilitate it, your plot isn’t good)

Outside, Penn is being chained up.  Oswald’s not happy at this, and steps in

Stop - that one belongs to me

He manages to unchain Mr Penn – who smiles happily  - at being rescued, but also maybe at the indication that Oswald actually appreciates him.

One of the annoying bikers grumbles that Oswald sacrificed one of his guys. While Oswald is untying Mr Penn, who’s thanking him all the while – the biker shoots Penn in the gut.  

Penn drops to the floor. Oswald tries to stem the bleeding but it’s no good.  

You should have stayed with me!  Why did you leave?

Penn looks up at him and, without malice, simply tells him

Everyone hated you

Oswald looks down, his face blanched.  

One of the bikers tells him they’ll take everything.  An enraged Oswald says he’ll pay for this, before the biker wallops him hard in the face.

(An aside – sorry, but no. Oswald is cleverer than this. He’s adept at reading other people’s needs and wants.  The notion that he honestly would have no idea of how he was perceived is just silly.

Also – I know there apparently wasn’t time to develop Penn as the Ventriloquist, but I don’t think they had to kill him off.  It feels really unnecessary.  Given that this ‘revelation’ was only needed because they made Oswald temporarily stupid, it’s particularly bitter.  On top of that, if I feel he’s been jettisoned to help make room for the compulsory indigestible lump of Os/Ed interaction we’ve to dutifully swallow later this season, I am going to feel rather cross.)

Oswald is taken to the cage, struggling and protesting.

Let me go, we had a deal!

As he’s shoved in, Jim watches him calmly from the corner.

I take it that didn’t work out like you planned?

Harvey is at Sirens, calling for Barbara.  She sneaks up behind him, puts a knife to his throat and tells him there no men in Sirens past midnight – making it surely a very inconvenient brothel.

She adds that perhaps it’s time golden boy learned to save himself. She asks Harvey if he’s tired of playing sidekick.

Harvey tells her he doesn’t see it that way.  They’re friends fighting for same thing.

Barbara says she remembers when Jim was the idealistic rookie and Harvey was the cynical veteran. Harvey cuts in that she was sane back then.  Barbara snidely says that now Harvey carries Jim’s laundry.

Don’t you wonder what your life would have been like if you never met Jim Gordon?

(An aside - Barbara.  Yes – you have ample cause to deeply resent Jim.  He compartmentalised the bejesus out of his life when he was engaged to you, he moved on indecently fast, and his default facial expression when he’s encountered you since has been a curled lip and a sneer.  You turned to him after your release from Arkham and asked for him simply to recognise you as a person, and he wouldn’t do it.

However, laying the blame at everyone else’s door for your current situation has become tedious. You were placed in horrible situations, but you have also had agency.  Decisions were made.  Paths were taken.  For the actual love of God, stop whining. I’m so bored.)

Harvey replies that he’d be dead, or wishing he was.

(Another aside.  The spectre of Death has hung over Harvey since day one.  I do hope he makes it to the end)

Barbara sneers that he’s delusional – like the saps who expect the government to help.

Harvey tries again – commenting that he knows they’ve had their differences, before mentioning that Oswald has turned up…

Barbara’s tune changes, and she tells him he should have opened with that.

Let’s move

Back in the cell, Jim is trying to cut his bindings.  Oswald is ranting.  Jim’s taken everything from him.  Jim tells him to keep his voice down.  Oswald keeps talking.  His people should have loved him, he kept them safe.  What so special about Haven?

Jim pulls a face at him, and says it’s special because it’s far away from him. Oswald pulls a face of his own

That's rich

People are coming, and Jim hisses at Oswald to be quiet.  We see the head biker and a couple of children come in looking for supplies – one of whom is big-eyed orphan boy, who glances quickly at Jim.  Jim tells Oswald to just act normal, adding

I know it's a stretch

The boy slides a piece of metal under the cage, which Oswald covers with his foot.  The bikers find he booze they were looking for, and leave.

Oswald laughs manically. When they get out – he is going to tear this place to the ground.  He starts to rant – but Jim interrupts him.  That won’t solve the problem.  They need to take the gangs out – right here, right now.

They look down at the piece of metal.  Oswald asks how they pick it up.

They eye each other, and – honestly – the fact that they both wordlessly come to the same impractical solution points to how bizarrely close they are.

They turn back to back and – leaning against each other – lower themselves slowly to the floor, with Jim making some of the best facial expressions ever seen.

(An aside.  OK.  Fair enough, Oswald can’t really pick that up: I don’t think his leg would allow him. But Jim.  Jimothy.  JimJam.  Jimbalaya. I ran a test.  It’s easy to lower down to the ground with your hands behind your back, pick something up, and then stand again.  You saw a chance for some body contact and you took it.  Naughty.)

Bruce creeping about at Jeremiah's lair. He encounters a corridor strewn with the corpses of pilgrims, all with gunshot wounds to the head.

Meanwhile, Selina joins Ecco and the others in an empty swimming pool. Essentially, they play a group game of Russian roulette.  Ecco is very theatrical and Harley Quinn-ish about all this.  Selina scoffs – but, on Ecco implying she’s a coward, places the bullet in the chamber and spins the barrel.

Ecco counts them down – again, slightly aggravating on the quirky preciousness front.  We go quickly back to Bruce, whose head turns sharply when he hears the gunshots.

Ecco strolls round, announcing that she’s disappointed in those who didn’t participate.  Selina says she’s

Just not a mindless idiot willing to get shot in the head for nothing

Ecco glares.  She comments that Curls is here to judge all of us.  She goes on, though, indulging in some wittering about Jeremiah and his methods and how it looks like madness but it’s really liberation, blah blah blah

She then tells them all to leave now – she needs to have a word with Selina. They all got straight ‘As’ and can proceed and be reborn.

Elsewhere, Bruce follows two guards before beating them.  He ascends further up the staircase.

Selina faces off with Ecco. Ecco says she doesn’t want to meet Jeremiah, but Selina insists she does – only she’s not willing to play that psychotic game

Ecco does some more quirky stuff

But baby – it’s so fun!

Selina asks why Ecco doesn’t play.  Ecco tells her she doesn’t get it.  Lifting her hair, she displays a scar at the base of her skull, near her ear.

The bullet’s still inside.  I hear it.  Ping ping ping.  Boy do I feel it when the nights get cold

She pulls the trigger, but there’s no bullet.  She seems to be getting off a little on it.

Selina tells her she’s insane – but she’s indignant at this, saying she was willing to look death in the face and allow the old her to die.  This is the gift Jerome gave Jeremiah – and now it’s the gift he’s giving them

(An aside – interestingly, Jeremiah seems to have rather retconned his past with Jerome again.  The gas wouldn’t have killed Jeremiah – there was no potentially fatal option, as with his gun method)

Ecco smiles

We want you to experience that gift….Selina

Selina’s eyes widen

You know me

Ecco smiles

There’s not a single part of Bruce's life we don’t know about. His joys, his fears, his desires

(An aside.  Wow.  That sounds a like a fun couple activity.)

She adds that Bruce wasn’t ready for Jeremiah’s gift, and nor was Selina.  

Selina grimaces as Ecco points the gun at her face

One thing Jeremiah did teach me.  I hate a gun pointed at my face.

She hisses angrily, and they start to fight.

Oh puddin’.  Aren't you delicious?

(An aside.  I suppose you can’t really blame Ecco for flirting with Selina.  It sounds like most of her evenings with Jeremiah are spent working on the big Bruce scrapbook.)

Ecco says she knew she had it in her – all it took was a kick in the pants.  

Bruce appears.  Ecco sneers that her boyfriend is worried about her.

Selina flashes back to her shooting.  She manages to turn the gun on Ecco – but Bruce yells stop, and Ecco escapes, stabbing Selina in the leg as she goes. Selina screams in rage and makes after her – but Bruce stops her, telling her that she’s bleeding.

Selina cuffs him to the gate.  Bruce protests, but Selina says they’ve done things his way.  Not it’s her turn.  Bruce is left yelling after her as Selina drags herself off after Ecco.

Back at Haven, the bikers eyeing up cops and discussing who might be best for fights.  Jim strolls up

How about this?

He points his gun

The biker says he’s bluffing

I’m afraid not

Oswald appears at the other end of the room

Neither am I

Oswald shoots the gang members.  Jim calls on the cops to come out.  Jim and Oswald face each other across the room.  We hear a whimper, and Oswald’s dog approaches him.  He fusses over him, and reassures him that he killed the bad men.

The crowd behind him overhear this and mutter agreement – he did shoot the bad men.  They start to chant his name.

Oswald smiles gleefully. In many ways, he’s the world's simplest creature.

 Back at Haven, people are arguing both with and about Jim

You promised safety!

He saved us!

Oh boy.  Time for another speech.

It was a hard day - but we won.  

He points out that they’ve got Oswald's guns and ammo now, and that they survived.  Hope survived too – and he thinks that’s worth fighting for.

So do I

It’s the winsome orphan who rescued him

(An aside.   Mercy, Gotham. I can’t take much more of this treacle.)

Jim blinks in response to this support.  He goes on. Now there’s work to be done, wounded to be cared for.

Tomorrow's another day

Jim’s Scarlett O'Hara now.

A cop appears to tell Jim that Oswald is outside.  

Before he heads out, Jim tells the winsome orphan that he did a brave thing, and that they wouldn’t have escaped if not for him.  The boy replies that Jim helped him, so he wanted to reciprocate.  He hands the boy his badge, and tells him he needs deputies. He smiles and thanks him – especially since he’s allergic to pineapple.

 Jim walks towards Oswald, who is fussing over the dog.  He straightens up as Jim approaches, and asks him if the cops are really necessary: after all, he just saved hundreds of people.

Jim adds that he endangered them to start with, so he can be forgiven for wanting to play it safe.  

Oswald looks up at him, his face more sincere

Still - I do hope there’s no hard feelings?

Jim steps closer and looks at him like he’s recently been caught stealing apples, as opposed to putting a bounty on his head and then breaking through the barricade with a gang of bikers.

You did the right thing today, Oswald.  You’re free to go.  Don’t make me regret it.

They stand close and – even with my shipper glasses off, there’s really no other way to describe this – stare at each other fondly, smiles on their faces.

(An aside, before Barbara comes in waving the plot point no-one cares about.

I ship this like crazy. I like writing fic for it. One thing that’s blocked me for ages is how readily Oswald can forgive the worst of behaviour from Jim, and how Jim readily heads back to him for help each time no matter where their relationship has been. But actually seeing this helped me get it.  Oswald thinks he’s capable of doing great things for the city and its people.  Jim also believes this of himself: Jim Gordon, hero of Gotham.  They also both know they are capable of terrible, terrible things.  

To have someone who is not only seemingly willing to forgive you anything, but who also has a seemingly endless capacity to believe in you? That’s about as a big a deal as you can get.  No wonder they keep gravitating towards each other. Who wouldn’t?)  

Harvey hurries in, shouting a Jim in warning.  He’s swiftly followed by Barbara.

Hi Pengy.  Bye Pengy

Wide-eyed, Oswald holds his hands out in front of him, falling back on what he always falls back on in dire straits

Jim!

Jim hurriedly gets in front of him, and faces Barbara down

Barbara, no

Barbara tells him to get out of her way or he’ll get her first bullet.

Jim insists that he’s not moving

We don’t get to see what Barbara does next, because there’s an explosion that knocks everyone to the ground.  Oswald, Barbara and Harvey are unconscious, but Jim stands and looks around to see Haven up in flames.  There’s no scream of rage – just resignation, and weariness.

(An aside - So, I’m guessing that the explosion was Jeremiah’s doing – given that it just so happened to coincide with Bruce not being anywhere near the building?)

 General Observations

A couple of themes here.

The obvious parallel is between Jim and Oswald as leaders.  Jim is the ‘good’ leader, Oswald the ‘bad’ leader.  I don’t think we’re supposed to read more into it – but, as I said, I think you can really dig into a little more.  Barbara comments offhand that Jim wants to be a hero.  They both get emotional gratification from what they’re doing.

Oswald has already been chastened by Mr Penn’s death.  How Jim copes with what has happened remains to be seen.  

There was a little bit of crossover between storylines, if you squint, in the notion of proving yourself under pressure.  Oswald eventually did the right thing.  Oswald and Jim came together when it counted.  On the darker side, Ecco seemed insistent that Selina could step up to the challenge she posed after a kick in the pants.

Given that it lasted a whole two episodes – the Oswald as dictator thing was dumb.  Oswald’s whole thing is his ability to read motivations and needs and exploit those.  He can’t just fall back on a family name, or use brawn to succeed. But suddenly he actually hadn’t realised that people hated him? Really?  Equally – the bit later about him not understanding why people would resent the situation he offered: safety and stability – Oswald’s whole first season is him rejecting the notion of ‘knowing his place’ in favour of clawing his way up, risking his neck repeatedly.

Sorry – but this storyline has been dependent on both ooc-ness and Flanderizing his character.

Hmmm.  See – here’s the thing.  I liked Jeremiah last season – pre and post-gas.  He was different and had his own quirks and complexities.  He simmered icily – a contrast to Jerome’s all-out mayhem.  But I find the whole Cult of Joker thing tiresome – with all the witless, biddable acolytes wittering on about how he’ll open your mind.  It feels even more marked with Jeremiah, who essentially displays almost total contempt to anyone who isn’t Bruce.  I’m guessing part of the reason he stays secluded is that he can barely tolerate them.

I wonder if we’ll ever find out why Ecco was so devoted to Jeremiah.  Because she was – back last season – before all the gas stuff. Fiercely devoted.  It didn’t feel like a romantic thing – and I was curious to find out what it was.  Had he helped her out of a bad situation?  Did his working set-up meet her needs and personality in some particular way?

Thoughts?

[badchoosey]

Perfect Match, Book One. Chapter 1: True Love, Guaranteed

You walk down a bustling Brooklyn street, the sounds of the city humming all around you. 

Karma: (Hope I’m not late!)

Soft music plays as you step into the hip venue of an upscale art show. 

Karma: Nadia! Hey!

You spot your cousin, Nadia, among the crowd. Her face lights up as she approaches with arms outstretched and wraps you in a tight hug!

Nadia: Karma! I’m so happy you made it!

Karma: Are you kidding? The opening of your new art collection? I wouldn’t miss it for the world. 

Nadia: Honestly, I have no idea how it blew up. But who am I to argue with the review of an art critic?

Karma: You mean glowing reviews from dozens of art critics?

Nadia: Oh, shush! Anyway, that’s not what I was excited about. 

Karma: Then what is it?

Nadia: I want you to meet my boyfriend!

Nadia waves over to a handsome man from across the room…

Nadia: Steve! Come say hi to my cousin!

Steve: Hey! You must be Karma! I’ve heard so much about you. I’ve been dying to meet you for weeks, but I’ve been busy at the animal shelter. 

Karma: Oh! Do you work there?

Nadia: Steve’s an investment banker. But he volunteers at an animal shelter. Amazing, right?

Steve: Ah, it’s nothing. I’m just a guy who likes to do some good in his free time. Nadia here is the amazing one. The way her art makes me feel… It’s indescribable. 

Nadia: Aww, sweetie!

Steve: Now, if you’ll excuse me, Karma, I’ve got to replenish the hors d’oeuvres. We’ll talk later! My mini-quiches are going fast!

Steve gives Nadia a kiss on the cheek and hustles off. Nadia sighs, beaming. 

Nadia: Did I mention he bakes? He bakes. So… What do you think?

Karma: No one is that perfect. I’m calling bull. How much are you paying him?

Nadia: Ha, ha. Don’t be mad that I’ve found the ultimate boyfriend!

Karma: Really though. Where did you find this guy?

Nadia: I met him through a matchmaking service. They asked me some questions, then found the perfect man for me! They’re very exclusive. Super selective with their clientele. But I’m sure they’d accept you in a heartbeat!

Nadia reaches into her purse and hands you a business card. 

Nadia: You should try them out!

Karma: True love, guaranteed? I’ll believe it when I see it!

Nadia: That’s not a nooo…

Karma: I mean… What the hell? I’ll give it a shot. You’ve piqued my curiosity.

Just then, a voice calls to you from the crowd… 

Damien: Don’t tell me Nadia has got you drinking this ‘matchmaking’ service Kool-Aid too, Karma. You of all people don’t need some fancy matchmaking service. 

Your good friend Damien saunters over, seamlessly switching his empty champagne glass with a fresh one from a server’s tray. 

Karma: I’ll take that as a compliment. But you can’t argue with the results. Steve seems like a catch. 

Damien: Yeah, I talked to Mr. Perfect on the way in. Haven’t found any flaws or dark secrets yet. But give me time. 

Nadia: Really, D? We’ve known you for like, four years. I thought you would’ve dropped the tough, cynical act by now. 

Damien: I’m a private investigator. I catch liars and cheaters for a living. ‘Cynical’ is basically my job. 

Nadia: Don’t listen to him, Karma. He’s like the Grinch when it comes to love. Eros is the best matchmaking service ever! I’ll schedule you an appointment for a consultation!

Damien: Yeah! A vague, secretive company providing little to no contact information… What could go wrong? Just keep your guard up, Karma… Maybe bring pepper spray, or hold your keys like claw. 

Nadia: Ignore him. It’ll be amazing! I know you’re gonna find someone perfect for you!

Karma: Can’t wait!

Later that week, you arrive outside the address Nadia gave you. A sleek, unlabeled complex towers above you…

Karma: (Okay, this is a little weird. Not so much as a logo on the door. But the address looks right…)

You push through the glass doors to enter a warm, inviting lobby. A stunning woman strides gracefully across the room, the steps of her heels echoing through the halls. 

Cecile: Karma Park? My name is Cecile Contreras. I’m the Head of Matchmaking here at Eros. Welcome! You got here on the J train, didn’t you? I hope getting to the new Quincy Station wasn’t too much of a hassle. 

Karma: Uh, thank you… How did you know--

Cecile: We’ve done our homework. Eros has been expecting you, after all. Your cousin Nadia gave you a glowing referral. I’m excited to begin. Please, follow me. 

You follow Cecile through the pristine halls of Eros Incorporated…

Karma: I’m still a little overwhelmed by this whole thing. How can you guarantee true love?

Cecile: A good question. Love is a complex thing. But here at Eros, we’ve used the latest in behavioural science and technology to devise the most sophisticated matchmaking system in the world. 

Karma: So you think you’ve got people figure out… with some algorithm?

Cecile: Your personality, your wants, your needs… All of that makes you unique, like a puzzle piece. But somewhere out there is a piece that fits flawlessly with you. An exact complement. A perfect match. Our technology helps sort through the pieces to find yours. Simply put, the human heart is precisely out expertise. 

Karma: Sounds like a sales pitch. I’m not so easily won over by the slogans and buzz words. 

Cecile: Touche. But we stand by every claim. Give us a chance to convince you, and I promise you’ll be satisfied. 

Karma: Well… I’m already here. 

She leads you into a peaceful, softly lit room. A sweet, floral aroma and calming music fill the space around you. 

Cecile: Welcome to our consultation room. This is where we’ll be conducting our Perfect Match questionnaire. 

Karma: Is this the part where I tell you my middle name, my hobbies, and where I went to high school?

Cecile: Nadia sent us the personality profile you filled out, so we already have the basic information we need. Today will be all about finding out what you’re looking for in a match. 

Karma: Oh… Okay… So why does this place look more like a day spa than a quiz room?

Cecile: Oh, I assure you, our questionnaire is more than just a quiz. It’s a comprehensive interview, monitoring not just your words, but your biorhythms, your excitement, your emotional engagement… As such, we want you to be perfectly at ease. 

She invites you to sit on a reclining chair in the middle of the room, and instantly your mind drifts as you sink into the shockingly comfortable seat. Cecile sits on a chair beside you with a tablet in hand. 

Cecile: Simply place your hand on the palm scanner, and we can begin. 

You place your hand on the smooth surface of the chair’s arm. It hums and glows, and soon a soft chime sounds in sync with your own heartbeat. The lights in the room dim as your mind drifts, peacefully… 

Cecile: Now, relax. Close your eyes… focus on the sound of my voice… and speak from your heart…

Cecile taps on her tablet. You hear her voice from a distance as your eyes close… 

Cecile: I have twelve brief questions. Please answer as honestly as you can. 

You’re on a first date. Which makes you want a second:

Talking for hours about everything?

Being intrigued and left wanting more?

Karma: Being intrigued and left wanting more. 

Cecile: When traveling abroad, your perfect match would rather take you:

To explore ancient ruins, just the two of you

To a lively festival, bustling with locals

Karma: To explore ancient ruins, just the two of you

Cecile: You’re transported into a fantasy novel. Which character is more attractive?

A magnetic ruler, leading and inspiring the people

A silent, formidable warrior, fighting evil from the shadows

Karma: A silent, formidable warrior, fighting evil from the shadows.

Cecile: Your favorite childhood playground is being torn down. Your perfect match:

Takes you there for a farewell picnic

Steal you a piece of it to keep forever

Karma: Steals me a piece to keep forever. 

Cecile: Who do you imagine your partner hung out with in high school?

A close-knit group of friends

A rowdy bunch of outcasts

Karma: A rowdy bunch of outcasts

Cecile: Your match appears in a dream with an animal companion. What kind is it?

A fierce, wild hawk

A loyal, noble golden retriever

Karma: A fierce, wild hawk. 

Cecile: Complete the sentence. My perfect match can always:

Makes me laugh until I cry

Say the right thing to comfort me when I’m down

Karma: Say the right thing to comfort me when I’m down

Cecile: What would your ideal partner sing during a karaoke date?

A love song dedicated to you

A ridiculous theme song, just to tease you

Karma: A love song dedicated to me

Cecile: Your perfect match has just defeated a supervillain. What do they do next?:

Righteously condemn the villain’s actions

Spout a witty catchphrase

Karma: Righteously condemn the villain’s actions

Cecile: Your travel plans have fallen through. What does your partner do?

They point blindly to a map, and plan a new adventure on the fly

They have you covered no matter what, backup plan and all

Karma: They have me covered no matter what, backup plan and all.

Cecile: How would your partner clear out a building full of zombies?:

They devise a brilliant plan and execute it flawlessly

They charge in, guns blazing!

Karma: They devise a brilliant plan, and execute it flawlessly.

Cecile: You’re at a casino, and your partner is winning big. Why is that?

They take big risks, and it pays off

They’re savvy and calculating, and play the odds

Karma: They’re savvy and calculating, and play the odds. 

Cecile: You’re doing wonderfully, Karma. We have enough to find you a suitable match, but first, I’d like to ask if there’s anything in particular you’re looking for… I’m going to list a few traits that your potential match may possess… Let me know if any of them resonate strongly with you. For those who prioritize physical intimacy, we have many candidates with massage skills. We can refine our search to animal lovers and pet owners, who are often compassionate and kind. If you’re drawn to creative, artistic souls, we can match you with musicians. Last but not least, many people seek the culture and intelligence of someone who speaks many languages. Which of these appeals to you?

Karma: I’m looking for someone with a magic touch. 

Cecile: An excellent choice. Would you like to distinguish your preferences further? Remember, there’s no shame in being picky when it comes to love. You’re absolutely worth it. 

Karma: I’m fine with my selection. 

The lights in the room brighten, and you are suddenly aware of your surroundings again. Cecile looks up from her note-taking and smiles warmly at you. 

Cecile: That concludes the questionnaire. Not so bad, was it? Based on your responses, we’ll determine which of our sixteen personality types best describes your Perfect Match. I’ll have your results in a moment…

Cecile taps on the tablet before turning it to show you the display… 

“Your perfect match is an Activist… - mysterious, rebellious, sincere, logical - … Someone with passion, drive, and vision, an Activist fights to change the world… and will fight just as hard for you!”

Karma: Wow. Just like that? Are you sure this type is the match for me?

Cecile: Skepticism is completely understandable. But I encourage you to trust the system. I think you’ll find that our system may surprise you. 

Karma: Well… I guess I could give it a shot. So… What next?

Cecile: Next? Simply leave the rest to us. We’ll find the most compatible partner for you in our database and arrange your first date. You’ll be hearing from us soon!

Karma: Sounds like a plan. And what happens after that?

Cecile flashes you a wink. 

Cecile: Why, true love, of course. 

You step out of the Eros building into the brisk night air, the New York City skyline towering above you. 

Damien: Made it out of the Mystery Company in one piece, huh?

Karma: Damien? What are you doing here?

Damien leans against his old muscle car, pulling his jacket tight against the cold. 

Damien: Check your phone, lovebird. I called you a couple times. Wanted to make sure you hadn’t joined a cult, or bought a timeshare or anything… And also offer you a ride home. 

Karma: You just wanted the dirt on this Mystery Company, huh?

Damien smiles. 

Damien: Wow… You know me too well, Karma. Come on. 

Soon, you’re watching the city lights streak by through the passenger window of Damien’s car as you catch him up on your day. 

Damien: So, really… this Eros thing. You’d think you’d just swipe left and right like other apps. No, you know, go to a day spa for a fancy interview. 

Karma: Maybe it’s a little… unconventional, but it seemed legit to me. 

Damien; Unconventional is an understatement. But hey, whatever makes you happy. 

Damien pulls the car to a stop outside your apartment building.

Damien: … I actually mean that too. I want you to be happy. 

Karma: Oh, really? No sarcasm this time? No snarky retort?

You catch Damien’s eye as a slight smirk spreads across his face…

Damien: Despite my unflappably cool facade… I do have the capacity to care about someone. Occasionally. 

Karma: Don’t get sappy on me now, Damien. 

Damien: Wouldn’t dream of it. 

One afternoon that weekend, you’re lounging in your apartment when a knock sounds on the door. You open it to find… 

Nadia: Karma! I’m guessing you haven’t left your apartment today. 

Karma: What makes you say that?

Nadia: Because if you stepped outside, you would have noticed this on your doorstep!

Nadia hands you a pristine display of flowers with an envelope attached! You open the card inside…

Karma: It’s from Eros! ‘Dear Karma, True love awaits! We’ve found someone special for you, and have already arranged your first date. At the end of the night, we’ll survey you both separately. If you both feel a connection, you’ll be declared a Match! You need only come with an open heart… and leave the rest to destiny.’ 

Nadia: Well, I came here hoping to ask how your appointment went, but I guess I have my answer! I remember when I got my letter from Eros… I was so excited! This is gonna be amazeballs! Right?!

Karma: I think there better be a money-back guarantee. 

Nadia: Ugh, you’ve been hanging around Damien too much. Let yourself be hopeful! This match they’ve found is going to be great for you!

Karma: Let’s hope so. The details on the card say that Eros has scheduled our first date… For tonight!

Nadia: Wait, what? We’ve got to get you ready!

Soon, Nadia is leading you on a last-minute shopping trip. She pores over the card from Eros as you browse through outfits. 

Nadia: Tonight could be the start of your beautiful, perfect love story, Karma! You’ve got to make a good impression! Luckily, Eros has you covered!

Karma: What do you mean?

Nadia This card from Eros includes some style suggestions based on your Perfect Match’s taste! Perfectly tailored to impress him!

Karma: They can do that?

Your cousin pulls an outfit from the rack…

Nadia: This one! It fits the suggestion perfectly! Try it on!

Karma: I think I’m just going to go as I am…

Nadia: Well… if this person really is your perfect match, they should love you regardless! I trust in the system!

As the afternoon goes on and the sun starts to set, you finish prepping with Nadia… When a sudden knock at the front door sounds! You hurry over to the living room with Nadia in tow!

Nadia: Ohmygod, ohmygod… He’s here. Answer it, quick! Tonight will be the start of your beautiful storybook romance!

You try to calm your cousin as you open the door…

Karma: Relax, Karma. It doesn’t have to be a ‘storybook romance’. No one is expecting this night to be--

Hayden: Hi, I’m Hayden. You must be Karma….

Karma: I… um… wow.

[mrsreevcs]

FIRST LADY OF THE UNITED STATES FROM 2016 TO 2018  /  PRIVATE  CITIZEN. *

･:*:･ﾟ☆ (  jessica chastain. forty-six. cisfemale. she/her )  ↷  isadora m. reeves has been spotted running around washington, dc. they have been a former supervisory special agent for two months. their friends describe them to be analytical, forthright, & methodical while others describe them to be fickle, neutral & resentful. will they survive this new administration and be part of history? only time will tell. ･:*:･ﾟ☆ *

full name:  isadora  mariëlla  reeves  (  née  van  zoelen  )

age:  forty - six    [    46  years  old    ]

nickname(s):  isa  /  auntie  dory  (  kids  in  family  )

birthdate/zodiac sign:  april  11th ,  1972    /    aries

birthplace:  manhattan ,  new  york  city ,  new  york

romantic/sexual orientation:  panromantic  +  bisexual

occupation:  retired  supervisory  special  agent  (  fbi  )

hola  hola  !  i’m  frankie  and  i  go  by  the  she/her  pronouns ;  i’m  so  thrilled  to  be  a  part  of  politicushq.  you’ve  no  idea !  this  is  the  love  of  my  life ,  isadora  &  i  hope  y’all  love  her  as  much  as  i  do  even  though  she  might  have  a  tough  exterior.  i’m  extremely  eager  to  write  her  out  !  i’m  TRASH™  when  it  comes  to  describing  my  characters  but  i’ll  try  my  very  best.  she  means  well  even  if  you  don’t  think  she  does  !  i  don’t  even  know  what  else  to  say  about  myself  but  if  you’d  like  to  plot  or  even  chat ,  my  d*scord  is :  farrokh bulsara#7928 .  i’m  trying  to  get  the  hang  of  it  still,  but  feel  free  to  add  me  on  there  if  it’s  easier.  please  love  us  &  thank  you  so  much  for  taking  the  time  in  reading  this  pretty  lame  introduction.  ♡  she  is  kind  of   inspired  by  emily  prentiss  from  criminal  minds.

life before moving into the white house:

ISADORA van ZOELEN was born in the manhattan borough of new york city to dutch-french ( naturalized american citizens ) parents who migrated to the united states in the 60′s to seek the american dream lifestyle. her parents, constantin & nadine, are hard-working, reliable people and raised their kids in a middle - class working family. they didn’t live a privileged life but they sure had a roof over their heads, and that was something to be thankful for ( considering manhattan is somewhat of an expensive city to live in ).

the redhead has always had ambitions of giving back to her community and work for the nation’s law enforcement agency: the federal bureau of investigation. that was her goal ever since graduating from stuyvesant high school in 1990. she hoped and prayed for her well-being.

she met edward reeves in her second year at university, and boy did she fall in love. they were complete opposites or that is what she assumed. there was no way that isadora’s in his league. however, they were both really ambitious and dedicated for wanting to pursue their careers; that’s when it all started for them.

they dated for a few years, marrying two years after graduating. she still didn’t think she was good enough for him but did everything she could to become an fbi agent. luckily, she received his support. through thick and thin, everything was going well when she started training at quantico.

her training days were HARD but worth it. she was competivite and was inclined to be supportive and worked best as/with a team. only a few are handpicked to work in the dept that she aimed for. she proved her point, she finally made it through sweat, tears and blood. isadora’s highly skilled/trained with weaponry, mixed martial arts, and self-defense.

when she was 27 years old, isadora was pregnant with their child and welcomed MASON into the world. edward and isadora’s first-born, their only son. they were over the moon! their family was growing. she never thought she’d ever become a mother but holding him in her arms changed her. she was absolutely terrified but isadora’s heart grew warmer.

before she knew it, she was back at work after being on maternity leave. she’d go to work doing everything for her husband, son; their small family. long hours at work & on the field were excruciating. all she wanted to do was be home with their baby boy. 9 hour shifts would turn into almost 14 hour shifts. she would rarely sleep by the time she’d get home. however, edward and isadora hired a nanny to care for their son while they were away.

whenever isadora was home, she’d never talk about work. she’s witnessed some of the most heartbreaking cases ever and had gotten even emotional over time whenever kids were involved. it's not something any person should witness yet she was strong. she had to have a tough exterior for the victims and their well-being.

trying her best to not seem invasive in their lives, she’d make sure everything went according to plan. no schemes, no bullshit. you don’t want to get on her bad side; she’ll scold and tell someone off in front of people if she has to they ever did something cynical just for their own interest. she’ll remind them that it’s not about them, it’s about the people. she doesn’t have time to babysit people who are grown and know from right and wrong. it should be evident.

the next thing she knew, she was pregnant with their second child, a daughter, SALLY ANN. she was welcomed into the world 1+ year after mason. holding her in her arms made her realize that she had to dedicate her time to being a mom, before she didn’t have the time to do so anymore. she decided to leave work although it was a tough decision. she loved her job but she loved her kids even more. she had to be there for them. she let their nanny off on paid-leave and offered them to come back whenever they wanted. ( the nanny had their own room in the reeves’ residence )

as soon as her children were adolescents, she went back to work confident as ever. fast forward a couple of years and edward has decided to run for president; releasing his presidential campain in 2016. ISADORA WAS BLINDSIDED. going into politics was something she did not want her family to go through. she became furious when he actually won the electoral college vote. there were days when she couldn’t even look at him.

resulting in his win, she thought she lost everything. not her family life but her career, everything she worked for. would it be possible to still work for the fbi and become the first lady of the united states? there was but she was assigned desk work and became miserable. she wasn’t too happy.

living in the white house:

it was evident that the reeves’ lives changed forever. before moving into the white house, their daughter had turned to isadora and had trouble breathing. sally had a panic attack. she was upset and spoke to edward when they arrived home. isadora didn’t know how to control her temper, so she became extremely protective of sally after her panic disorder diagnosis. has she failed her family?

she lost her confidence after being blindsided and eventually moving into the white house. she still worked for the agency but it wasn’t the same anymore. what was the point? she was willing to risk her life but not like this, not as the first lady.

a year of being in the white house, she realized that her husband’s agenda wasn’t what was planned through his campain. what was going on? lies and schemes of politicians, she thought. the redhead starting asking around about edd’s progress with a sincere smile on her face ... but wasn’t always given the answers she was looking for. little did they know, she could easily read people’s behavior but kept her mouth shut most of the time and was observant. after all, that was her job.

as a mother, isadora encouraged her children to do what they wanted with their studies. not forcing them to stick around at the white house if they didn’t want to. BULLSHIT. it was all shit and her life was changing far too much. she’s a chameleon, however. she wanted to avoid blaming her husband for what was happening. she had to clean up his mess.

isadora decided to let everything go and went along with it. all she wanted was a psychiatrist to talk to her and ease her life a little bit, but avoided thinking about it.

september 30th, the day she’d spoken to edward about his progress, being a supportive wife rather than a bitter one. it was the first time they’d spoken to each other as husband and wife. just themselves that morning. it was special. she felt loved. she needed to make it up to him somehow, apologizing endlessly. he forgave her.

sticking around the white house, or tending to her first lady duties, she was eventually escorted to a safer place. the next thing isadora knew, she was on her way to the hospital. one of the secret service agents had told her what happened. she was in shock. not realizing that she was the first one there, her husband arriving shortly after, she panicked. it wasn’t obvious but she panicked.

president reeves and vice president samuels are pronounced dead. isadora fell into the hospital floor on her knees. there weren’t tears in her eyes yet, but isa didn’t know how to react either. she never thought her husband and their colleague would end up being assassinated. mrs. reeves was furious. although being by her husband’s lifeless body, she didn’t leave his side. she couldn’t even after everything they went through. she couldn’t find it in her heart to deliver the news to mason and sally ann, not being able to form sentences when she’d open her mouth to speak.

she wants to hide from the world, longing to return to her hometown of new york city. she wants to get away. away from the press, away from everyone. she knew people had different opinions about potus and vpotus, but why did they have to be assassinated? that shoudn’t have happened. where was security, the secret service agents? endless questions were running through her mind. but running away wasn’t a solution. she wanted to do something. she needed answers? should she go back to the fbi headquarters? she didn’t know what to do. 

her former co-workers have reached out to her, she had tears in her eyes after hearing every single one of their voices. was the new female president going to kick her out of the white house? where could she go? she didn’t realize how much she missed working with her unit. she needs to come back but she felt like she was a target after her husband’s death... even though she didn’t have much to do with his agenda. she did clean up his mess and maybe people were beginning to figure it out. she’s gotten paranoid.

two months later, november 25th, president reeves’ funeral comes around. isadora couldn’t stay longer than a few hours, so she had to leave. it was all overwhelming. she’d have her sunglasses on, never having the intention of taking them off, and her eyes red from crying. she didn’t want to be seen. she was truly grateful from the outpouring support and condolences she’s received but... her life changed. she no longer had the love of her life with her, by her bedside, raising their children despite being a changing man after involving himself in politics.

what could she possibly do? she didn’t know where to go or who to trust. she did, however, support the new president, carolyn anderson. what was her agenda going to be like? she didn’t know? if anything, she’d stand by her if the time were to come but now isn’t the greatest time. isadora will eventually come back to her altruistic self, and hopefully soon. because when she’s back, no one will want to mess with her. she’ll be a changing woman.

revised and edited on november 27th at 9:57AM.  edited again to add the info at 10:19.  lmao i forgot to add the info.

i don’t know if it was mentioned before, but her main priority for becoming an agent was to provide safety to minority groups. it’s important to her. if no one else would stand up to injustices, then why can’t she? yes, isadora is a white woman but she’ll be your ally through and through. if she could’ve had the chance, she would’ve ran her president herself. but it’s not her cup of tea.

shit, i forgot what else. it’ll come back to me sooner or later.

[chooseywoozy]

Perfect Match, Book One: Chapter 1 - True Love, Guaranteed

(NOW PLAYING AS KARMA)

You walk down a bustling Brooklyn street, the sounds of the city humming all around you.

Karma: (Hope I’m not late!)

Soft music plays as you step into the hip venue of an upscale art show.

Karma: Nadia! Hey!

You spot your cousin, Nadia, among the crowd. Her face lights up as she approaches with arms outstretched and wraps you in a tight hug!

Nadia: Karma! I’m so happy you made it!

Karma: Are you kidding? The opening of your new art collection? I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

Nadia: Honestly, I have no idea how it blew up. But who am I to argue with the review of an art critic?

Karma: You mean glowing reviews from dozens of art critics?

Nadia: Oh, shush! Anyway, that’s not what I was excited about.

Karma: Then what is it?

Nadia: I want you to meet my boyfriend!

Nadia waves over a handsome man from across the room…

Nadia: Steve! Come say hi to my cousin!

Steve: Hey! You must be Karma! I’ve heard so much about you. I’ve been dying to meet you for weeks, but I’ve been busy at the animal shelter.

Karma: Oh! Do you work there?

Nadia: Steve’s an investment banker. But he volunteers at an animal shelter. Amazing, right?

Steve: Ah, it’s nothing. I’m just a guy who likes to do some good in his free time. Nadia here is the amazing one. The way her art makes me feel… It’s indescribable.

Nadia: Aww, sweetie!

Steve: Now, if you’ll excuse me, Karma, I’ve got to replenish the hors d’oeuvres. We’ll talk later! My mini-quiches are going fast!

Steve gives Nadia a kiss on the cheek and hustles off. Nadia sighs, beaming.

Nadia: Did I mention he bakes? He bakes. So… what do you think?

Karma: He’s too good to be true… what’s the catch? Comeon. Be honest. There’s gotta be something wrong with him. Secret criminal past? Crippling gambling debt?

Nadia: No! Nothing like that!

Karma: Then what’s your secret?

Nadia: I met him through a matchmaking service. They asked me some questions, then found the perfect man for me! They’re very exclusive. Super selective with their clientele. But I’m sure they’d accept you in a heartbeat!

Nadia reaches into her purse and hands you a business card.

Nadia: You should try them out!

Karma: True love, guaranteed? Sounds amazing. Sign me up!

Nadia: Yes! I was hoping you’d think so!

Karma: Are you kidding? It sounds great!

Just then, a voice calls to you from the crowd.

Damien: Looking good, Karma. Next time warn me when you plan to show up dressed like a celebrity. I would’ve brought my good suit.

Karma: Not so bad yourself, Damien.

Your good friend Damien saunters over, seamlessly switching his empty champagne glass with a fresh one from a server’s tray.

Damien: And don’t tell me Nadia has got you drinking this ‘matchmaking service’ Kool-Aid too. You of all people don’t need some fancy matchmaking service.

Karma: I’ll take that as a compliment. But you can’t argue with the results. Steve seems like a catch.

Damien: Yeah, I talked to Mr. Perfect on the way in. Haven’t found any flaws or dark secrets yet. But give me time.

Nadia: Really, D? We’ve known you for like, four years. I thought you would’ve dropped the tough, cynical act by now.

Damien: I’m a private investigator. I catch liars and cheaters for a living. ‘Cynical’ is basically my job.

Nadia: Don’t listen to him, Karma. He’s like the Grinch when it comes to love. Eros is the best matchmaking service ever! I’ll schedule you an appointment for a consultation!

Damien: Yeah! A vague, secretive company providing little to no contact information… What could go wrong? Just keep your guard up, Karma… Maybe bring pepper spray, or hold your keys like a claw.

Nadia: Ignore him. It’ll be amazing! I know you’re gonna find someone perfect for you!

Karma: Can’t wait!

Later that week, you arrive outside the address Nadia gave you. A sleek, unlabeled complex towers above you…

Karma: (Okay, this is a little weird. Not so much as a logo on the door. But the address looks right…)

You push through the glass doors to enter a warm, inviting lobby. A stunning woman strides gracefully across the room, the steps of her heels echoing through the halls.

Cecile: Karma Park? My name is Cecile Contreras. I’m the Head of Matchmaking here at Eros. Welcome! You got here on the J train, didn’t you? I hope getting to the new Quincy Station wasn’t too much of a hassle.

Karma: Uh, thank you… How did you know--

Cecile: We’ve done our homework. Eros has been expecting you, after all. Your cousin Nadia gave you a glowing referral. I’m excited to begin. Please, follow me.

You follow Cecile through the pristine halls of Eros Incorporated.

Karma: I’m still a little overwhelmed by this whole thing. How can you guarantee true love?

Cecile: A good question. Love is a complex thing. But here at Eros, we’ve used the latest in behavioural science and technology to devise the most sophisticated matchmaking system in the world.

Karma: So you think you’ve got people figured out… with some algorithm?

Cecile: Your personality, your wants, your needs… All of that makes you unique, like a puzzle piece. But somewhere out there is a piece that fits flawlessly with you. An exact complement. A perfect match. Our technology helps sort through the pieces to find yours. Simply put, the human heart is precisely our expertise.

Karma: Really? Sounds like exactly what I need!

Cecile: So glad you feel that way! I can assure you, we’re just as excited as you are to help you find your match.

She leads you into a peaceful, softly lit room. A sweet, floral aroma and calming music fill the space around you.

Cecile: Welcome to our consultation room. This is where we’ll be conducting our Perfect Match questionnaire.

Karma: Is this the part where I tell you my middle name, my hobbies and where I went to high school?

Cecile: Nadia sent us the personality profile you filled out, so we already have the basic information we need. Today will be about finding out what you’re looking for in a match.

Karma: Oh… Okay… So why does this place look more like a day spa than a quiz room?

Cecile: Oh, I assure you, our questionnaire is more than just a quiz. It’s a comprehensive interview, monitoring not just your words, but your biorhythms, your excitement, your emotional engagement… As such, we want you to be perfectly at ease.

She invites you to sit on a reclining chair in the middle of the room, and instantly your mind drifts as you sink into the shockingly comfortable seat. Cecile sits on a chair beside you with a tablet in hand.

Cecile: Simply place your hand on the palm scanner, and we can begin.

You place your hand on the smooth surface of the chair’s arm. It hums and glows, and soon a soft chime sounds in sync with your own heartbeat. The lights in the room dims as your mind drifts, peacefully.

Cecile: Now, relax. Close your eyes… focus on the sound of my voice… and speak from your heart…

Cecile taps on her tablet. You hear her voice from a distance as your eyes close…

Cecile: First, some general questions. I’m going to show you six images. Tell me, which of these most closely resembles your preferred look in a match?

(Look 1)

Cecile: Wonderful. Next I have twelve brief questions. Please answer as honestly as you can…

One - When traveling abroad, your perfect match would rather take you… To a lively festival, bustling with locals.

Two - On a road trip with your partner, you’d prefer someone who… Trades anecdotes and engages in lively conversation.

Three - You’re transported into a fantasy novel. Which character is most attractive… A magnetic ruler, leading and inspiring the people.

Four - Who do you imagine your partner hung out with in high school… A close-knit group of friends.

Five - Your match appears in a dream with an animal companion. What kind is it… A fierce, wild hawk.

Six - Your partner is facing an unbeatable enemy. What strategy do they use… Fight dirty.

Seven - You have to be apart for a few months. Your perfect match… Sends you memes.

Eight - Your perfect match has just defeated a supervillain. What do they do next… Righteously condemn the villain’s action.

Nine - What would your perfect match give you for your birthday… Something they noticed you wanted but hadn’t asked for.

Ten - Your date orders cocktails for you at a bar. Which do they choose… A trendy new menu item that food critics are buzzing about.

Eleven - Your travel plans have fallen through. What does your partner do… They have you covered no matter what, backup plan and all.

Twelve - How would your partner clear out a building full of zombies… They devise a brilliant plan and execute it flawlessly.

Cecile: You’re doing wonderfully, Karma. We have enough to find you a suitable match, but first, I’d like to ask if there’s anything in particular you’re looking for… I’m going to list a few traits that your potential match may possess. Let me know if any of them resonate strongly with you. For those who prioritise physical intimacy, we have many candidates with massage skills. We can refine our search to animal lovers and pet owners, who are often compassionate and kind. If you’re drawn to creative, artistic souls, we can match you with musicians. Last but not least, many people seek the culture and intelligence of someone who speaks many languages. Which of these appeals to you?

Karma: The animal lover. My match must love animals.

Cecile: An excellent choice. Would you like to distinguish your preferences further? Remember, there’s no shame in being picky when it comes to love. You’re absolutely worth it.

Karma: I would like them to possess all of those qualities. Why settle for anything less?

The lights in the room brighten, and you are suddenly aware of your surroundings again. Cecile looks up from her note taking and smiles warmly at you.

Cecile: That concludes the questionnaire. Not so bad, was it? Based on your responses, we’ll determine which of our sixteen personality types best describes your Perfect Match. I’ll have your results in a moment…

Cecile taps on the tablet before turning it to show you the display…

Your perfect match is a… Leader - Outgoing, rebellious, sincere, loyal.

Brave, perceptive, and confident, the Leader is often turned to in times of crisis. As a romantic partner, this perfect match’s charisma can inspire in even the most challenging of times.

Karma: Wow. Just like that? This is just my type! I’d love to find someone like this.

Cecile: Glad to see that the system is working as intended!

Karma: So… What next?

Cecile: Next? Simply leave the rest to us. We’ll find the most compatible partner for you in our database and arrange your first date. You’ll be hearing from us soon!

Karma: Sounds like a plan. And what happens after that?

Cecile flashes you a wink.

Cecile: Why, true love, of course.

You step out of the Eros building into the brisk night air, the New York City skyline towering above you.

Damien: Made it out of the Mystery Company in one piece, huh?

Karma: Damien? What are you doing here?

Damien leans against his old muscle car, pulling his jacket tight against the cold.

Damien: Check your phone, lovebird. I called you a couple times. Wanted to make sure you hadn’t joined a cult, or bought a timeshare or anything… And also offer you a ride home.

Karma: Oh, really? You just wanted the dirt on this Mystery Company, huh?

Damien smiles.

Damien: Wow… You know me too well, Karma. Come on.

Soon, you’re watching the city lights streak by through the passenger window of Damien’s car as you catch him up on your day.

Damien: So, really… this Eros thing. You’d think you’d just swipe left and right like the other apps. Not, you know, go to a day spa for a fancy interview.

Karma: Maybe it’s a little… unconventional, but it seemed legit to me.

Damien: Unconventional is an understatement. But hey, whatever makes you happy.

Damien pulls the car to a stop outside your apartment building.

Damien: … I actually mean that too. I want you to be happy.

Karma: Oh really? No sarcasm this time? No snarky retort?

You catch Damien’s eye as a slight smirk spreads across his face…

Damien: Despite my unflappably cool facade… I do have the capacity to care about someone. Occasionally.

Karma: Don’t get sappy on my now, Damien.

Damien: Wouldn’t dream of it.

One afternoon that weekend, you’re lounging in your apartment when a knock sounds on the door. You open it to find…

Nadia: Karma! I’m guessing you haven’t left your apartment today.

Karma: What makes you say that?

Nadia: Because if you stepped outside, you would have noticed this on your doorstep!

Nadia hands you a pristine display of flowers with an envelope attached! You open the card inside…

Karma: It’s from Eros! ‘Dear Karma, True love awaits! We’ve found someone special for you, and have already arranged your first date. At the end of the night, we’ll survey you both separately. If you both feel a connection, you’ll be declared a Match! You need only come with an open heart… and leave the rest to destiny.’

Nadia: Well, I came here hoping to ask how your appointment went, but I guess I have my answer! I remember when I got my letter from Eros…. I was so excited. This is gonna be amazeballs! Right?!

Karma: I think it’s going to be great!

Nadia: You’re right! It is! Positive thoughts, Karma! Send that out into the universe! This match they’ve found for you is your destiny!

Karma: Let’s hope so. The details on the card say that Eros has scheduled our first date… For tonight!

Nadia: Wait, what? We’ve got to get you ready!

Soon, Nadia is leading you on a last minute shopping trip. She pores over the card from Eros as you browse through outfits.

Nadia: Tonight could be the start of your beautiful, perfect love story, Karma! You’ve got to make a good impression! Luckily, Eros has you covered!

Karma: What do you mean?

Nadia: This card from Eros includes some style suggestions based on your Perfect Match’s taste! Perfectly tailored to impress him!

Karma: They can do that?

Your cousin pulls an outfit from the rack…

Nadia: This one! It fits the suggestion perfectly! Try it on!

Karma: Alright, alright…

Nadia: Ugh, slay, Karma!

Karma: I’m guessing that’s a good thing?

Nadia: Good? No. That outfit is perfect!

As the afternoon goes on and the sun starts to set, you finish prepping with Nadia… when a sudden knock at the front door sounds! You hurry over to the living room with Nadia in tow!

Nadia: Ohmygod, ohmygod… He’s here! Answer it, quick! Tonight will be the start of your beautiful storybook romance!

You try to calm your cousin as you open the door..

Karma: Relax, Nadia. It doesn’t have to be a ‘storybook romance’. No one is expecting this night to be--

Hayden: Hi, I’m Hayden. You must be Karma…

Karma: I… Um… Wow.

Thoughts on the episode…

Okay well first of all… creepy and suspicious as hell. I can’t believe Damien was the only one who was like… ‘what on earth…’ Everything about this screams dodgy. How did Nadia even find Eros in the first place? I mean, for our MC, sure - we have Nadia’s results convincing us to do it (even though Steve is a freaky robot and we can tell straight away,) but what did Nadia have? She just went for it.

Speaking of Nadia, annoying. I would love to just cut her out of the story completely. She’s too BLLURGGHHH, you know? So enthusiastic about absolutely everything. I can’t imagine what her art looks like. Probably really cheesy, basic stuff like Thomas Kinkade. Nothing edgy or cool. You could definitely buy a snowglobe with Nadia’s artwork in it.

I know that Hayden is a robot, but defo gonna smash. Like. He’s our perfect match, wiring or not. I mean, I know that Damien is there too and as soon as we get the option to seduce I shall absolutely be doing that because he is a fine piece of cartoon ass, but… where’s the fun if I can’t doodly do with the robot?

Also, shoutout to Cecile who is the hottest character at first glance I have ever seen from Pixelberry. I mean, I know she’s probably an evil lunatic hell bent on destroying us once we uncover Eros’ secrets, but still. I’m shallow and she’s hot.

Fave Character of the Chapter: Damien

Least Fave Character of the Chapter: Nadia

[mehlsbells]

My upbringing was starkly black and white, everything strictly categorised as sin and acceptable, allowed and not. The massive ‘sin: not allowed’ category swallowed everything in legalism and immutable consequences. I fell in love with noir partly because it has no such hangups.

I savoured noir’s evocative language and sexual undercurrent. I learned to believe exposing repressive authority and dirty deeds was valiant even if ultimately futile, and justice could be delivered even when corrupt systems stymied it. The hardboiled detective attracted me from every angle, and I dreamed of both being and fucking the daring mystery-solving, smoking, drinking, dame-bedding wiseass. The detective archetype is dangerously appealing; stalwart antiheroes holding to their personal code while all around them people sold their souls for a bottle of scotch, a land deed, a tempting woman or a hard man. Terribly tragic, and as such, terribly romantic.

Like a suspect in a smoky dive bar, what constitutes ‘loyalty’ in noir is hard to pin down, but while most supporting characters treat loyalty as a purchasable, expendable, flexible commodity, [anti]heroes Spade and Archer, Gittes and Dewitt, Mars and Hammer, et al. hold fiercely to their personal definitions thereof. These ideals often keep them from working with a partner, as they can’t find others who share their notions longer than a book’s opening chapters, a film’s first act. Sometimes, in a twisted blessing, their partner gets murdered before committing betrayal. (‘Committing betrayal.’ What a cruel grammatical construction.)

Fairly unique among their set, Charleses Nick and Nora manage loyalty and happiness to and with each other, but not only does their teasing openly relay insecurities in everyone outside their connubial circle, their origin story is shot through with loyalty conundrums. The crux of The Thin Man revolves around characters leveraging Nick’s allegiance to an old friend to make Nick and Nora investigate a suspicious death/disappearance, similar to the relationship between Marlowe and Terry Lennox in The Long Goodbye.

Marlowe: You didn’t have much choice, huh? So you used me. Lennox: Hell, that’s what friends are for.

Many noir tales examine murder, corruption, lost love, incest, power, grasping for companionship in sex and booze and partners. Few are so nakedly about friendship, loyalty, and the unique betrayal they set you up for as The Long Goodbye. As the game Lennox and Marlowe play in their first scene tells us, all Marlowe’s relationships are games of liar’s poker he’ll lose. The only question is: sooner, or later?

The film’s opening involves the great Philip Marlowe cajoling his hungry cat to eat first a concoction of cottage cheese and raw egg, then generic cat food. The two mewl, mumble and scratch in their understanding standoff. The film ends with Marlowe coolly justifying shooting his once-friend because Lennox indirectly killed the cat. Everything between is a meditation on loyalty.

As best exemplified in Nick and Nora Charles, noir understands relationships featuring fidelity and comfortable insults are the ones which really matter, so the snarky–sweet caring–codependent way Marlowe and hungry cat banter intentionally evokes true friendship. Altman called that opener important and Marlowe’s relation to his cat commentary on friendship: no matter how hectic his life, Marlowe is concerned the cat eats, whether the cops scare him, if he’s lost in LA’s mean streets.

Like most of his genre, Marlowe is destined to traverse the criminal underworld, continually learning the hard way he’s more loyal to friends, clients, even his constantly stoned neighbours, than they to him. He can’t bring himself to act on his cynicism until he’s burnt, and is a lost soul not because he’s dumb or drugged – he turns down even his neighbours’ hash brownie – but because he can’t find anywhere to put his trust.

Though they harass him and he blusters against their threats and handcuffs, Marlowe’s relationship with the cops is his most stable. He despises their work, they hate and stymie him, but at least he knows where he stands. Everywhere else is shifting sand and empty promises, golden and glittering by daylight, cold and dangerous at night. Under it all play morphing renditions of “The Long Goodbye,” refrains evolving and fading as quickly as relationships, adding atmosphere as Los Angeles underworld characters succour the detective and each other until betrayal becomes convenient.

As he searches for answers in mysteries and others, Marlow smokes to dull the pain – take a shot every time he strikes his match on a new surface, you’ll be drunk before the halfway point. Elliot Gould’s physicality superbly conveys Marlowe’s hurt and insecurity, shambling gait literalising existentially unsure footing.

Altman’s shots and Zsigmond’s cinematography also expose Marlowe’s mental state. The beautiful police station tracking shot puts us in Marlowe’s gumshoes, showing his strain as he attempts to sort through the mountain of information, theories, and grief he’s been buried under. The long dolly across the grounds of the clinic has a similar effect, moving first methodically, then more frenetically as Marlowe’s frustration builds. Exposition of addresses and phone numbers unroll with slow camera movements over long takes, revelling in the acting’s stillness, taking a less usual route than montages to make the viewer feel Marlowe’s tedium and loneliness.

The odyssey is wrapped in perfectly exposed beach scenes, daytime sands yellow-tinged and California to their core, nighttime painted deep blacks and grainy red with Eileen’s dress the only spot of yellow. Doubled imagery and symbols of duplicity abound, the most striking of which involve the beach. First we see Marlowe in the glare off Wades’s window, projected between quarrelling lovers as they snipe at each other. Later, in the same window, Eileen is shown two-faced as she and Marlowe talk while her husband charges suicidally into the inky sea.

The whole film is a gorgeous depiction of our ugliest impulses, and Altman is the perfect director for it. Through various lenses and genres, Altman’s work examines intimacy and pain which can be leveraged by only those closest to us. Noir’s peripheral characters are who many of Altman’s other films center: desperate, impotent men; disloyal lovers; marriages on the verge; frustrated humans performing drastic acts. The Long Goodbye digs into side stories many noirs don’t unless impacting the protagonist directly: Farewell, My Lovely is more concerned with Marlowe’s relationship to the women in his path than the women themselves; American Gigolo hardly contains a conversation Julian Kaye isn’t in; Evelyn’s relationships in Chinatown mostly evolve when Jake is around to observe, and he’s around almost every frame. Some of The Long Goodbye’s more virulent events or breakdowns happen while Marlowe is out of the picture, or listening to nothing but crashing waves.

Altman is interested in examining these stories for their own sake, and shows it by examining side characters with the reflections motif, too. Zsigmond uses Eileen’s windshield brilliantly to reflect her facade as Marlowe chases her through the streets. The stoned hippy neighbours are introduced surrounded by floor-to-ceiling windows, one dancing with herself in the mirrored glass. The gate-guard-slash-impression-artist is reflected in Harry’s shiny car sidepanels, a symbol of security who pretends to be many other people, then shows himself more trustworthy than people pretending to be someone they’re not.

The guard also displays The Long Goodbye’s wicked sense of humour, along with the horny lookout whose ogling of stoned half-naked neighbour women allows Marlowe to sneak away. There’s the slapstick of Harry swinging haplessly on the gate trying clamber over as he imagines a detective should. Marlowe plants a sloppy handprint on the interrogation cell two-way mirror, then paints his face with fingerprint ink, cops impotent to stop his clowning. The guard dog fetching her owner’s stick from the waves has a twisted hilarity to it.

Which brings us, as the film continually does, back to loyalty. Relationships with animals are throughout: besides his cat, Marlowe nervously banters with the guard dog and talks as cheerfully as a damned man can to strays lying in the road. Ultimately animals’ loyalty – even only to the hand that feeds and then betrays them, pictured perfectly with mounted ducks – is still stronger than that of everyone else in his life, and loyalty is important to him.

If only I’d recognised earlier how much my identifying with pulp heroes was due to my own sense of loyalty, deservedness of recipients be damned. “Their cynicism exactly stems from their compassion, [their] hardness is a scar tissue of a heart they can’t stop the world from breaking over and over.” I weirdly admired Marlowe hoping against hope, believing those he loves once, then again. You know what they say about fools.

Marlowe: Nobody cares but me. Lennox: Well that’s you, Marlowe. You’ll never learn, you’re a born loser.

The Long Goodbye is Chandler’s most personal work. “You writers have your own special way of describing, don’t you?” is the movie acknowledging this sure as Chandler’s book commented on his deep insecurities, ideals, and philosophies. (The film references the book many times, including the face-bandaged man as a nod to Book Terry’s extensive plastic surgery.) Roger Ebert said in his original review, “The private eye as a fiction device was essentially a way to open doors; the best novels of Chandler and the others are simply hooks for a cynical morality.” Like Inherent Vice, the criminal underworld is alluring backdrop and murder the smaller mystery behind the real question of whether the detective can uphold his personal code in a world where ‘a man is only as good as his word’ simply means most men are no good. The real question, the crux and heart of the matter, is Will they keep clinging to that code? Why do we keep falling for those who throw us over?

The thing about franchised noir detectives is, as characters or story properties, they can’t fundamentally change. They solve mysteries, their settings are updated from 50s to 70s to aughts to 2019, they jadedly swear they’ll never trust again, they may seem to learn their lesson. But in the end the stories reset. Sure as sunset and the next story, they get let down, used, double-crossed, stung, only to begin again when the next sultry shadow darkens their door. Once again they give their loyalties to a friend in need, a dame with legs up to there. Once again the dames and mates evaporate; or worse, explicitly sell our fallible hero upriver, relying on said hero’s tragically loyal personal code to prevent retaliation.

We’ve all had those dames and mates. We’ve all sworn to never love again, only to willingly set ourselves up for more heartbreak. People who mean what they say only so long as they feel like it. Family who love you so long as you’re meekly in line. Dames who say “I love you” in the night and “I’m leaving you” in the morning. Business partners who call you family until it’s more expedient not to be. Friends who say forever but mean for as long as you’re fun, and you’re no fun when you’re stumbling through a haze of pain or grief. Homme fatales who sell you out when a better offer comes in. Lovers who are loyal while you do exactly what they want.

In the first of two crucial scenes which start placidly before exploding into brutal violence, thug Marty gives a speech to/about his girlfriend Joanne. “Delicate and sweet . . . I love you. I do. . . . The single most important person in my life.” Ah, love, the highest form of loyalty.

Then he hits her across the face with a glass bottle.

Do we feel sorry for her? is the same question Tarantino asks in Once Upon A Time… In Hollywood when Brad Pitt’s Cliff smashes sadistic Sadie’s face with a can of dog food. The blow to Joanne’s face is lighter and unprovoked, but though her crimes are lighter, her madonna-like framing is window dressing. She blithely enjoys fruits of Marty’s torture, murder, and extortion, knowing her flippery is bought with blood money. (Her blow’s aftereffects are visually replicated by Jake’s bandages in Chinatown – directed by Polanski, who is depicted in Once Upon A Time, making these films a Möbius strip of themes, imagery, period, and settings.)

In different ways, Joanne and Sadie establish The Long Goodbye and Once Upon a Time‘s cruel worlds, where psychopaths and rich ruthless men get their way. Both center men with drinking and smoking habits, a dubious past, and a personal moral code. Marlowe and Cliff fight against the establishment, for themselves and their friends. Though they don’t believe in innocence, they want to believe people exist whose souls at least aren’t as dark as the rest of ours. Within their morality is loyalty; Cliff to Rick Dalton, Marlowe to Terry or at least the idea of him: “Terry Lenox was my friend you motherfucker . . . you don’t deserve to be alive you fuckin’ pig.” Rick and Terry don’t return the loyalty, yet Cliff and Marlowe can’t help themselves. It’s their code.

The Long Goodbye ending Ebert calls “off the wall” I see as wish fulfilment, same as Once’s. In the film Terry gets justice delivered by Marlowe, Bracket’s screenplay ‘fixing’ the book’s injustice. Altman revels in this playground where disloyalty equals death and real world consequences are momentarily suspended for a warped fairy tale ending.

The final shot is reminiscent of Holly Martins waiting on a tree-lined boulevard in The Third Man, another film featuring a man unendingly loyal to a death-faking friend who didn’t deserve such fidelity. The Long Goodbye’s last shot brings yellow in again, reminding us of Eileen’s dress, the faded sun on the beach, letters and pledges of friendship aged and brittled by time. Only here, Marlowe’s the one walking away, getting as happy an ending as one can hope for in noir.

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Lennox blindsided Marlowe, then called him a fool for expecting others to do what he would in keeping his word. Pulp detectives are thrown under the bus or off a cliff with the shrugged excuse along the lines of “I knew you were tough enough to survive” or “sorry, you were just collateral damage.” Given enough time, “I threw you under the bus to save myself” becomes “It was the best option for both of us” becomes “you survived and are better for learning this lesson, you should be thanking me!” This essay draws parallels to Marlowe and Veronica Mars’ getting run over because of their clinging to loyalty, “an anchor that binds.”

But every detective also has their breaking point, the point at which they say the rules have been violated enough to justify them taking matters into their own hands. 

Marlowe: I have two friends in the world. One is a cat. The other is a murderer.

Is loyalty its own reward? Chandler’s book seems to argue it is, but Marlowe shooting his once-friend in the film argues something else. Grown and free of the romanticised prism Younger Me viewed Marlowe through, do I believe Chandler’s ending or Brackett’s?

The teenager who first read Chandler’s book would choose idealism: be true to your code, give your loyalty, those who turn on you will get what they deserve while you can keep the moral high ground. Even with grim answers in front of me, maybe I’d make like Marlowe, clinging stubbornly to loyalty disavowed by its recipient, or keeping myself preoccupied searching for answers and other mysteries.

While I want to hold to those ideals still, what are movies for if not to show us what we really want, wish-fulfilling our basest instincts? Watching now, I can’t help but savour that moment Marlowe tosses his cigarette, reaches into his waistband, and coolly shoots the man who treated his loyalty as commodity.

For #Noirvember, I wrote about the concept of loyalty in noir in general, and "The Long Goodbye" in particular. My upbringing was starkly black and white, everything strictly categorised as sin and acceptable, allowed and not.

[zdbztumble]

Widespread Headcanons I am Curious About, Confused By, or Respectfully Disagree With

To stave off boredom at work, I’ve been plowing through one-shots on FF.net and the backlogs of sites like this, and I’ve noticed certain headcanons that have gained a lot of acceptance, to the point where you could almost call them an institutionalized fan canon. Some intrigue me, others don’t quite jive with my own thoughts, but either way, I’m lookin’ for something to talk about. So here are some thoughts, and if you have your own on the topic, respond or drop a line!

Gary calls Misty “Red”: File this under the “curious/confused” category (how would you even disagree with a fictional nickname?) In fan fiction, fan art, fan comics, headcanons, parodies, incorrect quotes, and blurbs, over many years, multiple countries of origin, and highly divergent opinions about these characters’ futures, people have Gary use this nickname. Not a bad one for Misty, all things considered. I’m mostly curious as to where it came from and how it got such traction. It isn’t as if these two had any real interaction on the show, after all.

Misty despises being Gym Leader and wants out OR Misty is so happy as Gym Leader it becomes her life’s work: I see the former far more often than the latter, but either way, here’s the first point of disagreement. I’m not sure why this has to be considered an either/or thing. In my experience, it’s not uncommon to be simultaneously happy and unhappy about a given set of circumstances. For example: when I went abroad for graduate school, I was happy to be studying something I love, making new friends, and living in a country I always wanted to go to...but I was also extremely unhappy being so far away from everyone I love and dealing with a program with serious structural and organizational problems. I imagine Misty being much the same way: happy and proud of how good a job she’s done as Gym Leader, but also unhappy that she can’t travel anymore and “homesick” for her place in Ash’s party. (I should add that some fan works treat this as a gradual thing; that she’d be happy at first but eventually become disillusioned, and that’s a more believable scenario IMO.)

Misty pines for Ash 24/7: You see this coupled with the “hates the gym life” one a lot. There is a certain melancholy to that when done right that appeals to the Romantic (in the classical sense of the term) in me, but I don’t see that as her style. To go back to my own life examples: while in graduate school, I thought about the people back home every day. I didn’t think about them all the time every day, and I didn’t actively dwell on missing them that often. I couldn’t; I had shit to do! While I headcanon that Misty never gets over Ash, never enters a serious relationship back in Cerulean, and never gives up hope for something with Mr. Pokemon Master...he probably crosses her mind every day, but he doesn’t consume it, and she’s more than capable of going about her day-to-day without pangs of regret or longoing. (Again, some fics/art/etc. have her in this state only when she’s having a bad day, or some event triggers it, or as a gradual progression, and that’s a better angle to take IMO.)

Misty is jealous of May/Dawn/Iris: (Can you guess yet which character is in most of the stuff I’ve been reading?) We know from the show that Misty is the jealous type (as is Ash), but she only gets jealous when there’s clear provocation. She and Ash run into female CotDs about their age or younger quite often, and she never bats an eye. It takes a cheeky kiss (no pun intended) or a lovesick fire freak to get Misty’s blood boiling, and since May, Dawn, and Iris never made any moves on Ash, I can’t see her having any issues with them. (This is also why I can’t see her getting along with Serena, at least not at first. They’d come to peace and be friendly toward each other eventually, of course, but it’s hard for me to imagine them as super close, though I have seen that angle done well.)

Gary and Ash become close again: “Close” here meaning “akin to traveling companion status close.” We know these two were friends as little kids and reconciled during Johto, but they have gone in separate directions, and Gary was never intimately involved in Ash’s travels. They’re friends, yes, and if they cross each others’ paths, they’ll catch up...but I don’t imagine that, if one of them is in Kanto, they go out of their way to see if the other is there too, or regularly keep in touch.

Togepi thinks of Pikachu as a big brother: Given the relationship Pikachu has with Ash, I think it’s likelier - and funnier - that Togepi saw Pikachu as an uncle.

Brock is actively involved in Ash and Misty’s feelings for each other: I’ve written about this one before. Basically, of the many characters who guessed/asked/teased/insinuated/accused Ash and Misty of being “that way” toward each other, Brock was not one of them. Now technically, this is due to the high point of that subplot occurring during the Orange League, and said subplot then stalling in Johto, so there was never anything for Brock to comment on until towards the end of Misty’s tenure (which he didn’t). But I just can’t imagine him goading either of them about it, or being someone that either could easily confide in on this topic; it’d just be too awkward. And I even think it’s funny to imagine that the would-be Valentino might miss the obvious budding attraction occurring right under his nose, the one everyone else picked up on.

Every travelling companion ends up with someone: I suppose one could debate the line separating shipping from headcanon, but this is more a point of curiosity than disagreement. As I’ve said in the past, I’m a sucker for romance when it’s there, but I’m not much of a proactive shipper (with certain obvious exceptions), and it’s surprising to me how big a part of the Pokemon fandom it is. The curiosity is - why? Why, in a certain school of thought, does every one of the main cast members need to be tied to someone? Why can’t Cilan grow up to be always officially single, but with the suspicion that he might be seeing someone privately and you’re never sure just what his deal is, and you’d never ask because it’s none of your business? Why can’t Iris stay wild and free and completely divorced from romantic attraction? Why can’t Dawn, for all her other talents, be sh*t outta luck in trying to get a boyfriend? These other options aren’t necessarily my headcanons (well, the Cilan one is), and they’re not any more valid than the “everyone pairs up” school of thought, but it’d be fun to hear some thoughts as to why we don’t see more alternatives, or if there are and I just haven’t come across them.

Every travelling companion, and Ash, eventually reaches their stated dream: I’ve (indirectly) written about this one before too. I can’t imagine that every single member of the cast ends up achieving their dreams exactly the way they wanted, and unless TPC ever cares to explain more about just what the Pokemon Master is, I can’t picture Ash winning the title either. Now, lest you call me a cynic, that doesn’t mean I imagine all these kids as failures either. Some might achieve their initial dreams; others (like Brock) may find something else to catch their passion and pursue that with success. Some might be perpetually on the journey, never the destination, and at least one might end up with a disappointing lot in life. But none would have any regrets for where they end up.

I’m sure there are more out there, but this’ll do for now. Again, feel free to chime in!

[micaramel]

"Gossip Girl" ran from 2007 to 2012 and the dramatic series is known for its incredible fashions.

Blair Waldorf's first and last outfits are both lacy, classic, and delicate, but her final dress is light and sparkly

Serena van der Woodsen retains her fun, glowing, "It Girl" style from her very first appearance at Grand Central to her last appearance in a gown. 

Warning: Major spoilers ahead.

Visit INSIDER's homepage for more stories.

Popular TV shows influence fashion all the time, but in its six-season run, "Gossip Girl" (2007 - 2012) made an impact on wardrobes and accessory drawers around the world. 

As the core cast of characters grew up during their time living in the Upper East Side and other parts of New York City, their styles evolved as well.

Here are the first and last looks of 12 of the most known "Gossip Girl" characters.

Warning: Major spoilers ahead.

SEE ALSO: The first and last outfits of 21 characters on 'Pretty Little Liars'

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Serena van der Woodsen wore simple stripes when she made her debut on the show.

First appearance: 1.1, Pilot

When Serena breezes into Grand Central Terminal carrying just a single bag after having been MIA for a year, we're already getting a sense of who she is.

Her caramel-colored leather jacket, striped shirt, printed kerchief — and of course, her signature long, flowy blonde hair — signify the kind of effortless off-duty supermodel style that she would have on the episodes to come. 

Her last look was a glittering wedding gown.

Last appearance: 6.10, New York, I Love You, XOXO

Never one to settle for something boring, Serena's final appearance on the show is during her wedding to Dan Humphrey. Despite the casual, at-home setting of the event, her dress is unmatched — an asymmetrical Georges-Chakra-Couture gown with metallic accents on the bodice and skirt.

Gold and shimmer are trademarks for Serena (remember her cotillion dress?), which makes this final outfit wonderfully appropriate.

Read More: 12 times Serena van der Woodsen and Blair Waldorf's style completely differed on 'Gossip Girl'

Blair Waldorf's first outfit was black and lacy.

First appearance: 1.1, Pilot

The tension between Serena and Blair is apparent from Blair's very first appearance, when she has an ambivalent reaction to her supposed best friend's surprise return. The contrast is evident in Blair's outfit, too, which has a much more dramatic and classically feminine style to it — she's glamorous and imposing, but not breezy like Serena.

Her lacy little black dress (an Eleanor-Waldorf design) is topped with the first of many signature headbands.

Her final look was lacy and sparkly.

Last appearance: 6.10, New York, I Love You, XOXO

Although Blair's own nuptials and Elie-Saab wedding dress, are featured on the final episode, her very last appearance is at Serena and Dan's wedding. Without upstaging the bride, she looks celebratory but classic as ever in an elegant fit-and-flare dress with lots of lace details and sparkle. 

Read More: 31 of Blair Waldorf's most memorable outfits on 'Gossip Girl'

  Dan Humphrey was rocking some sideburns and layers when we first met him.

First appearance: 1.1, Pilot 

We meet the Humphrey family shortly into the first episode of the series — they also made their debut at Grand Central Terminal. Dan's dark, layered patterns serve as a foil to Serena's almost glowing presence. His look is stylish but subtle. 

Read More: 10 pieces of trivia that only true 'Gossip Girl' fans will know

  His final look was a fancy suit.

Last appearance: 6.10, New York, I Love You, XOXO

Lonely Boy no more — Dan's final appearance is the culmination of his wishes at his wedding to Serena. He's come a long way, seen in how he's dressing the part of an Upper East Sider without looking stuffy or uncomfortable. The two-tone jacket makes the outfit more stylish and memorable than a typical wedding tux.

  Nate Archibald was polished from the beginning.

First appearance: 1.1, Pilot

Golden boy Nathaniel is first seen in a neatly tailored suit and deep royal-blue tie that brings out the blue in his eyes. The besuited teen is dressed up and talking about his future at his girlfriend's mother's party and it's the first image we get of him as an optimistic but uncomfortable guy who wants to break out of the life he's expected to lead.

Read More: 17 surprising things you probably didn't know about 'Gossip Girl'

  His final look was also a suit.

Last appearance: 6.10, New York, I Love You, XOXO

No longer California dreaming, when we last see Nate he's also heading to witness the marriage of Dan and Serena. And although he may have ended up fitting into the powerful New-Yorker mold more than he ever intended to, it seems to suit him.

The possible mayoral hopeful is last seen wearing this slim-fitted gray suit with patterned tie and shirt (in his signature sky blue), looking mature and capable.

Chuck Bass wore a lot of layers on the pilot.

First appearance: 1.1, Pilot

Chuck Bass, by contrast, is someone very comfortable with the frills of his high-society Manhattan life. During the pilot, he's wearing a loosely buttoned pink shirt, no tie, and a paisley ascot. His look is preppy and rumpled, but his outfit seems to show that his first priority is having a good time.

  He was polished by the finale.

Last appearance: 6.10, New York, I Love You, XOXO

From cynical teenage playboy to caring father, Chuck may have changed the most since the series' start — and it's reflected in his finale outfit.

It has none of the dandyish, look-at-me colors he's known for, but it's still very Chuck-inspired with layered patterns and a big shiny lapel pin. He hasn't lost his flair, his style just became more refined as he matured.

Jenny Humphrey's original look is fairly wholesome.

First appearance: 1.1, Pilot

What makes Jenny's first outfit so brilliant is that it looks like something a 14-year-old in 2007 would actually wear. The plaid top and dark jacket give her a grunge sensibility similar to that of her father and brother, but the sparkly little necklace and floral trim on it make it a little more feminine.

Read More: 36 of the best outfits on 'Gossip Girl'

Her final look was full glam.

Last appearance: 6.10, New York, I Love You, XOXO

Although Jenny's character was written off the show during the fourth season (she finishes high school in Hudson and moves to London for college), she returns for her brother's wedding, where it seems peace has been made — her J by Waldorf bag suggesting she's actually working with Blair at Waldorf Designs.

Her final outfit, a dress complete with sheer fabric and gold embellishments, is vastly different from many of her previous grunge-inspired looks. 

Lily van der Woodsen's first look was elegant.

First appearance: 1.1, Pilot

Lily first appears mid-conversation with a fellow socialite. That moment, paired with her simple black dress and conspicuous, sparkling jewelry gives us the sense that Lily is pretty concerned with her social status. 

  Her final look was a mother-of-the-bride frock.

Last appearance: 6.10, New York, I Love You, XOXO

As the mother of the bride, Lily still shines. By the end of the series, she's come to be much more of a doting mother and she's shown gleefully witnessing Serena's wedding in a fun but demure pink dress that's high-necked and covered in sparkles.

Rufus Humphrey's first look was very brown.

First appearance: 1.1, Pilot

When we first meet Rufus, he's mining his teenage kids for intel on his estranged wife, which tells us a lot about his parental boundaries or lack of them. The washed-up rockstar first appears wearing a dark leather jacket over a brown flannel shirt.

His final look was elegant.

Last appearance: 6.10, New York, I Love You, XOXO

Rufus' style never changed much, but his final outfit was especially formal. In his final outfit on the show, at his son's wedding, he's seen wearing dark colors as per usual, but this time in the form of a deep-burgundy suit and indigo shirt — plus, some glasses to match. 

Vanessa Abrams's first look had a pop of color.

First appearance: 1.6, The Handmaiden's Tale

Just when things were heating up between Dan and Serena, Dan's best friend and former flame Vanessa returned to the city. Her bomber jacket, large earrings, bright-colored top, and lion statement necklace reflect her carefree, artistic spirit.

  Her final look was layered.

Last appearance: 6.10, New York, I Love You, XOXO

Though Vanessa, too, left the show for quite some time, she makes a brief appearance on the series finale, reacting to the news of Gossip Girl's identity from what we assume is her home in Barcelona.

Her colorful outfit has a grown-up, glammed-up vibe, befitting of her artistic side. She looks put-together and professional.

  Georgina Sparks made an entrance.

First appearance: 1.15, Desperately Seeking Serena

Georgina Sparks, the recurring party girl villainess, makes her first physical appearance after sending Serena a number of embarrassing and inappropriate gifts — like a case of champagne mailed to her high school.

Her first outfit fits her personality. It consists of multiple long-strand necklaces, jewelry on both hands, a giant purse, a cropped jacket, a scarf, and big shiny sunglasses. It's flashy, conspicuous, and very early-aughts. 

  Viewers saw a snippet of her final look at Dan and Serena's wedding.

Last appearance: 6.10, New York, I Love You, XOXO

After using her diabolical skills for a good cause earlier on the episode, Georgina is on good enough terms with everyone to be a guest at Dan and Serena's very private wedding.

And though she may not be evil anymore, she's still dressed the part of a femme fatale, in a sequined maroon dress with heavy chains at the collar. She's also apparently dating Jack Bass, so we presume the two of them must get up to some masterful scheming.

Eleanor Waldorf's first necklace is truly unforgettable.

First appearance: 1.1, Pilot

As you might recall, Eleanor Waldorf was recast after the pilot, so this is this first and only time we see Florencia Lozano on the series — she was replaced by Margaret Colin. 

The first thing we learn about Eleanor is that she's a fashion designer and the second is that she's an overbearing and critical mom to Blair. Her over-the-top outfit — consisting of a popped collar, a long skirt, and a giant stack of bauble necklaces — is a bit dated. 

By the finale, she's a grandmother in sparkles.

Last appearance: 6.10, New York, I Love You, XOXO

The fashion designer and now grandmother looks more refined and much, much more relaxed, with a slim, sparkling dress, loose waves, and trendy little glasses.

As the creative head of Waldorf Designs, she's stylish as can be but full of the lightheartedness and joy she's had since the sweet Cyrus Rose — and a grandson — came into her life.

Eric van der Woodsen's first look was a graphic T-shirt.

First appearance: 1.1, Pilot

14-year-old Eric van der Woodsen is in a hospital bed when we first see him. His shirt has a digital print to it but doesn't tell us much about who he is. His simple look is complete with his highlighted blonde hair. 

His final look was wedding attire.

Last appearance: 6.10, New York, I Love You, XOXO

Not much is known about what Eric did after leaving Manhattan for Sarah Lawrence, other than that he spent some time abroad and is still close with Jenny. But he does make an appearance at his sister's wedding during the series finale and he's wearing a dapper dark-gray three-piece suit with a matching tie and navy-blue shirt.

Even little Eric, the catalyst for Serena's return to New York and all the events that followed, is all grown up and living his own life with facial hair and without highlights.

from Design http://bit.ly/2XKir1N

[ibdp-studying]

Romeo and Juliet Character Quotations

Romeo

”O heavy lightness, serious vanity”

Juxtaposing language identifies Romeo as a poet

“Foreswear it sight; for I never saw true beauty till this night”

Fickle, superficial boy, shows his immaturity

“Death do what he dare, it is enough that I may call her mine”

Foreshadows their death

“Good Capulet, whose name I tender as dearly as mine own”

Effeminate, attempts to end the feud, unstereotypical

“Here’s to my love! [...] with a kiss, I die”

Last thoughts are of Juliet, dies with poison, conventionally known as a ‘woman’s weapon’

Juliet

“No more deep will I endart mine eye, than your consent gives me strength to fly”

Submissive and conforming to the patriarchal society she is born into

“Saints have hands that pilgrim’s hands do touch”

Uses religion to distance herself from Romeo

“Be not so long to speak, i long to die, if what thou speak’st speak not of remedy”

Drastic, childish tantrum, Juliet is not very mature as she leans towards extremes easily

“God joined my heart and Romeo’s”

Uses religion to unite herself, (contrast to the beginning of the play)

“Let me die”

Graceful death, come to terms with her life ending, shows newfound maturity

Mercutio

“Dreams which are [...] nothing but vain fantasy”

Skeptical of love, mocks Romeo’s romanticism

“If love be rough with you, be rough with love”

Promiscuous, makes sexual references

“O calm, dishonourable, vile submission!”

Angry at Romeo for refusing to fight - supposed to be hypermasculine

“You shall find me a grave man”

Makes a pun, still the joker of the play

“A plague a’both your houses”

Never okay with the feud, despite all else he says

Benvolio

“I do but keep the peace”

Peacekeeper, Mercutio’s mediating presence. Against fighting without effeminating himself

“Withdraw unto some private place [...]; here all eyes gaze on us”

Cautious of the rules

“Gallant spirit hath aspired to the clouds”

Euphemistic language

Friar Lawrence

“Young men’s love lies, not truly in their hearts but in their eyes”

Scornful of superficial love

“These violent delights have violent ends”

Cations mediation and restraint

“O deadly sin! Rude unthankfulness!”

Loses patience over Romeo’s dramatic reasoning, angry that Romeo wants to kill himself

“Let my life be sacrificed [...] unto the rigor of severest law”

Feels guilty about the teenage deaths

Nurse

“Might I live to see thee married once”

Treats Juliet as a daughter

“I will tell [Juliet]”

Intermediary between Romeo and Juliet’s relationship

“Not a penny”

Truly honest and loyal to Juliet

“There is no trust, no faith, no honesty in men”

Does not believe in the goodness of man

“Never was a day as black as this”

Mourns Juliet’s death

Tybalt

“Peace? I hate the word as I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee”

Driven by conflict, enjoys fighting, Mercutio’s counterpart

“They come in spite to scorn at our solemnity”

Cynic

“Injuries thou hast done me”

“Me” used colloquially for the Capulet family - true honour

“Thou wretched boy”

Insults Romeo through his age

Paris

“What say you of my suit?”

Forthcoming

“My father capulet”

Behaves presumptuous and entitled towards Juliet

“Thy face is much abused with tears”

Shallow - superficial

“Open the tomb, lay me with Juliet”

Oblivious to Juliet’s life

Alright, I hope this helps some of you! (I did this as last minute revision for my English Literature GCSE)

[mermaidsirennikita]

June 2017 Book Roundup

This month, I read thirteen books, some of which were total disappointments, one of which really surprised me, and one of which was easily among the best followups I’ve read in a while.  That was my favorite book of the month, Kiersten White’s Now I Rise, the second in her Conqueror’s Saga.  As that is a sequel and definitely requires reading of the first book, And I Darken, I also want to recommend The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid.  A sweeping historical fiction novel, it tells the tale of a glamorous Hollywood icon with plenty of secrets, and showcases a unique romance that surprised me--but also made me very happy.  Hopefully, I’ll find something just as good next month!

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas.  4/5.  When Starr and her childhood friend Khalil are pulled over by a cop, the worst happens: the unarmed--innocent--Khalil is killed.  Starr is the only witness, and she’s torn in several different directions.  Her parents are worried about her safety, and her father’s gangster past makes things a bit more complicated; protesters want Starr to come forward and defend Khalil, who is being labeled a drug dealer and a “thug” by the media; and Starr herself goes to a predominantly white private school, and isn’t sure what her friends would think.  Obviously, “The Hate U Give” deals with a lot of content that I as a white girl really can’t properly comment on, and that’s one of the reasons why I gave it four out of five stars--I can’t speak to its accuracy.  But from what I’ve heard from friends who can, it’s viewed very positively, and it seems to reflect much of what we see in cases involved unarmed black men being shot by cops--with a personal spin.  Starr is a deeply relatable, human character.  I felt empathy for her, while at the same time not feeling like she was too perfect.  The story is written so lovingly, and Starr’s entire family felt like people I would actually meet.  The conflict of the book isn’t just surrounding the main plot, but Starr’s parents’ differing views on what their children need, and Starr’s father’s past. Starr’s dad, Mav, was a GREAT character. He’s exactly the kind of person that people uneducated about these issues need to see: an innately good person with a rough past, trying to do right by his family while at the same time dealing with some understandable demons.  The only thing I can complain about is Starr’s boyfriend, who struck me as the most annoying type of white boy.  And she deserved better, no questions asked.

A Knight in Shining Armor by Jude Deveraux.  4/5.  This romance novels sees schoolteacher Dougless crying in an English church right after being dumped and abandoned by her boyfriend.  Her tears seem to bring Lord Nicholas Stafford from the sixteenth century--though he’s not quite the knight in shining armor she expected.  Nicholas is remembered not for his accomplishments, but his many affairs and his eventual execution; and he wants to go back to his time, but not before figuring out how to prevent all of that.  Dougless agrees to help him, but like... you can guess about what ensues.  This book is considered a classic in the romance genre.  It was written in the late 80s, and that does show; while Dougless isn’t anti-feminist, she’s definitely a product of an adjustment to feminism.  She wants her boyfriend to take care of her WITHIN REASON, and he’s such a tool that you can understand why.  The thing is that the book has a fluffy, wish fulfillment quality that is impossible to resist.  Deveraux makes Nicholas sexy, but isn’t above making fun of him, and critiquing him for that matter.  Dougless experiences noticeable character development, and while the book is imperfect, it’s highly enjoyable.

When Dimple Met Rishi by Sandhya Menon.  4/5.  Teenage coder Dimple isn’t planning on following her mother’s plans and settling down anytime soon.  So she’s thrilled when her parents pay for her to go to Insomnia Con, a coding contest with a prize that involves her idol.  Little does she know that Rishi is also going to Insomnia Con--and though she has no idea who he is, their parents have been planning on the two of them getting married for years.  Traditional, dreamy, artistic Rishi knows that he’s supposed to get to know Dimple and someday marry her; and he thinks she knows that too.  (She does not.)  So when the two meet, there isn’t exactly the instant connection he expected.  But after they become partners for the contest, they get to know each other--and understand each other.  This YA romance was adorable, and probably one of the best I’ve read in a long time.  Sandhya Menon is writing about what she knows, and it shows.  Rishi and Dimple are able to bond over their shared cultural backgrounds, but that doesn’t mean they’re the same person--the expectations Rishi’s parents have for him are different because he’s a boy, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there.  He reacts to his parents by embracing his culture and putting aside his dreams, while Dimple becomes aggressively rebellious.  Their chemistry is perfect, and I became invested in their relationship very quickly.  This is a great approach to the “arranged marriage” genre, and is a bit more lighthearted than other recent versions I’ve seen.

The Breakdown by B.A. Paris.  2/5.  While driving late one night, Rachel sees a young woman pulled over on the side of the road.  Soon after, she hears about a murder--and realizes that not only did she see the woman just before she was killed, but that she knew her.  Then Rachel begins forgetting small things on a daily basis, apparently having a breakdown; but the specter of her mother’s demise from early-onset dementia hangs over her as she grows increasingly paranoid and sure that the killer is after her.  This book was profoundly disappointing.  It had the makings of a good domestic thriller, but I called almost every single thing that happened, and the pathos of it all weren’t that deep.  Even when it seemed as if it was going to get interesting for a minute, it didn’t.

Once and for All by Sarah Dessen.  3/5.  Louna (omg Sarah Dessen protagonist names) is the daughter of a famous wedding planner, jaded about love both due to her cynical mother’s outlook and the tragic ending of her first real relationship.  Then she meets Ambrose, the outgoing son of one of her mother’s clients.  In order to keep him out of his bride-to-be sister’s hair, Louna’s mother gives him a job for the summer, and as Louna and Ambrose bond, they begin to challenge each other in unexpected ways.  Honestly, this was a feel-good book and it was cute in the way that Sarah Dessen books always are, and cheesy in the way they always are (lol her protagonist names I mean...).  But while I remember “Saint Anything” being good, I honestly disliked “The Moon and More” and I feel as if nothing of hers has really hit me since books like “Just Listen”, “The Truth About Forever”, and of course “This Lullaby”, which is one of my all-time favorites.  Ambrose was really cute, but his conflicts with Louna seemed super contrived--and for that matter, at times he seemed like a Dexter (”This Lullaby”) rip-off.  Louna had a sad backstory, but it never connected with me partially because she never connected.  Again, it’s cute but I wasn’t super invested, and the investment in the main relationship--or at least the main characters--are key to really loving a Dessen book.  I also feel like Dessen usually benefits from building a romantic relationship between the characters ahead of the last 25% of the book (see: “This Lullaby” and “Just Listen”).  Otherwise, she needs to amp up the sexual tension in a palpable way to get people invested faster (see: “The Truth About Forever”).  The tension between Ambrose and Louna just wasn’t there.  Hope this author gets her mojo back soon.

The Forger’s Spell by Edward Dolnick.  4/5.  This non-fiction book takes on the story of Han Van Meegeren--a failed artist who managed to dupe the world with his forged “Vemeer” paintings.  Most notably, Hermann Goering, Hitler’s right-hand man, was a buyer of one the fakes.  Really, Van Meegeren’s story is the backdrop for a deeper investigation about how forgeries happen in the art world.  Dolnick does a good job, though I didn’t agree with all of his assertions--he describes the famed art critic’s “eye” as something that does exist, albeit after a lot of training.  Really, the “eye” seems to be dismissed by many today, whether or not you’ve been trained.  He also seems to go along with a lot of ideas that are those of a connoisseur, and applies them to art critics and art historians in general.  While some art historians specialize in connoisseurship, not all connoisseurs are art historians; in fact, connoisseurship seems to be falling out of style, and my school didn’t bother much with it.  I also feel that he could have done a better job of differentiating between the historian and the critic.  Overall, the book is a good examination of the psychological aspects that go into forgery, but this is very much a book about history.  Today, Van Meegeren probably couldn’t have pulled this off--not simply because the art market has more resources now in terms of scientific testing, but because it seems to me that art historians are now being trained in a very different way in a post-Panofsky, post-Schapiro world.  We’re told to be highly skeptical at all times, and while it’s possible that the old guard would have still fallen for a fake Vermeer, I think that many younger art historians would have been more inherently skeptical.  Anyway, I clearly geeked out over this book and found it highly interesting.

The Warrior Queen by Lavinia Collins.  2/5.  An Arthurian retelling and the first of a trilogy, this book focuses on Guinevere’s early marriage to King Arthur following his defeat of her father’s forces.  Pretty sure this was self-published or published by a small indie publisher, and it showed.  This book is quite short (it’s bound in an omnibus as part I with the rest of the trilogy, but it seems that it’s listed on Goodreads as an individual novel too) and while it’s not terribly written, there is some repetition that an editor would have (or should have) caught.  It’s not a bad book and I think that if you’re looking for more of a simple romance, it’s okay.  But as it is, it runs extremely quickly and the character development suffers.  For that matter, while the Lancelot romance is very present, Kay takes Lancelot’s role in places where he shouldn’t, and Morgan le Fay seems to be a typical schemer.  Not for me.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid.  5/5.  Aging Hollywood legend Evelyn Hugo calls upon Monique Grant, a no-name journalist, to write her biography out of nowhere.  Monique understandably wants to focus on Evelyn’s seven marriages--which one was the love of her life, anyway?  Evelyn reveals herself to be much tougher--and much more scheming--than she initially might have seemed.  And there are plenty of secrets to be revealed, including her connection to Monique.  I really, really liked this book.  It had elements of grand romance and tragedy, while at the same time retaining the feel of a tell-all.  The reveal of Evelyn’s greatest love was well-done, and I believed in the ups and downs of the relationship.  You can definitely choose the starlets from whose lives Reid drew.  It’s well worth the read, and I plan on trying Reid’s other books soon.  

Marriage of a Thousand Lies by S.J. Sindu.  2/5.  Lucky (short for Lakshmi) is a part of a traditional Tamil family, and as such has married Krishna to please her mother.  The thing is that both Lucky and Krishni are gay, and simply protecting each other’s (and their families’) reputations through their sham marriage.  Then Lucky learns that Nisha, her childhood friend and first love, is getting married.  As Nisha and Lucky reenter each other’s lives, they find themselves unable to resist each other, while Lucky’s life implodes around her. This is a short read and the prose is very pretty, but I found Lucky to be pretty dull.  Krishna was the character I wanted to know more about, to be honest; or even Nisha.  It felt pretty paint by numbers, but perhaps that’s because I’m not from the same cultural background as Lucky.  Not a bad book, but I just didn’t connect to it.

Song of the Current by Sarah Tolcser.  1/5.  Caro is descended from generations of river sailors, all of whom worship the river god.  After her father refuses to transport a crate--who knows what’s in it?--Caro agrees to do the task in order to gain his freedom.  Aaaand so on.  I think I hated this book so much in part because it could have been a lot more.  But it was so slow.  And there was cliche after cliche.  And there were frog people; listen, I know that some of y’all are probably down for actual green frog people who catch flies with their tongues, but I don’t play D&D and I’m not there yet in terms of geekdom.  Also, the romance was insufferable, and tongues actually tangled. This book was published by Bloomsbury, I assume there an editor involved, and THEIR TONGUES STILL TANGLED.  That was when I knew this was a one star book. 

Four Queens: The Provencal Sisters Who Ruled Europe by Nancy Goldstone.  3/5.  This non-fiction book tells the story of four sisters of Provence--Marguerite, Eleanor, Sanchia, and Beatrice.  Marguerite was married off to Louis IX of France, which in turn led to Eleanor becoming Henry III of England’s bride--Sanchia and Beatrice’s queenships would come later down the road.  So to call them the sisters who ruled Europe is a bit misleading, but it makes for a great title; and it truly is remarkable that a fairly unassuming noble family would produce four girls who would all become queens.  As you might imagine, the fact that this all took place during the thirteenth century means that Goldstone has to make some leaps in logic based on her research, especially in regards to the comparatively minor Sanchia and Beatrice.  I know little about the subject so I can’t speak to Goldstone’s accuracy, but all in all it was a nice pop history read.

The Alice Network by Kate Quinn.  2/5.  Shortly after the end of World War II, American Charlie St. Clair travels to Europe with her mother to take care of a “little problem”--her out of wedlock pregnancy.  At the same time, however, she wants to figure out what happened to her beloved cousin Rose, who went missing during the war.  During her search, she meets Eve--a woman who served as a spy during World War I.  The story takes on their alternating perspectives, as Charlie struggles to find Rose and Eve grapples with her past.  This kind of crushed me, as I am such a big fan of Kate Quinn’s Mistress of Rome series.  I never really bothered with her Giulia Farnese books, because I knew that through no fault of Quinn’s they wouldn’t work for me; but this disappointed me.  I’m not the hugest fan of World War I and II as historical eras, and I certainly love Ancient Rome a lot more.  But this could have  been so compelling.  It takes so long to start, however, and Eve’s perspective was less interesting than Charlie’s, to the point that I kept wishing that I could skip Eve’s chapters entirely. By the time the action and romance really began, I was so zoned out that it didn’t matter anymore.

Now I Rise by Kiersten White.  5/5.  The followup to the already-great start that was “And I Darken”, “Now I Rise” continues the dual stories of Lada (the fictionalized female equivalent of Vlad Tepes/Vlad the Impaler) and her brother Radu.  While Lada is struggling to reclaim her throne in Wallachia, Radu remains a servant of the Ottoman Empire and its sultan, Mehmed--the man he secretly loves.  Of course, Mehmed is obsessed with Lada--almost as much as he’s obsessed with Constantinople--and Lada is sort of obsessed with him back, but not as much as she’s obsessed with her birthright.  This book sees the incredibly twisted trio get even darker.  I really appreciate that Lada, Radu, and Mehmed aren’t super great people; Radu is less blood/power-thirsty than his sister and friend, but he is very manipulative and at times places his desire for Mehmed above loyalty to his sister.  (Which is fucked up, as Mehmed would probably sell Radu to Satan for one corn chip if that corn chip was Lada, who in turn never knows how to feel about Mehmed because boy is hot but boy is also about as twisted as she is.)  I love this series so much because of the moral grayness and dualities of all of these characters.  Even when they did things that I really didn’t agree with, I still understood why they did them.  For that matter, the supporting characters (especially Nazira, Radu’s equally gay wife) really upped the game of this book.  This series is an absolute must-read.

[imagine-attackontitan]

Stay (Chpt. 2: Final Night On This Earth)

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Original Female Character

Word Count: 8,880 (I got carried away)

Warnings: Unbelievable sexual tension, almost too much fluff (if that’s possible)

AO3 link posted under xOblivion_is_Gracex (yes, this is my sad collection of fics)

Chapter Summary: On what could be their final night together, Hope takes Levi to her private place closest to the stars.

A/N: This is a pretty long chapter, but it’s worth sticking around for. Flagon makes his appearance here. While I thought he was kind of a dick in “No Regrets”, I still love him.

Chapter 2: Final Night On This Earth

We sat in complete silence for a long time after my confession that came as more of a declaration of my willingness to keep him safe on the expedition. I knew that he wouldn’t be the one to take it in any other way, especially not the way I meant it the most. If I said the same words to Mike, they would’ve been construed the exact way I had meant them. He would’ve known I was telling him that a part of me loved him and couldn’t live without him. He would’ve caught on that I had been searching for him for so long that finally finding him felt like my very first breath of air. Mike was far more open and a lot less cynical than Levi was. Of course, Mike was cynical in his own ways, but he still believed that he deserved love, which he did. Levi, on the other hand, believed that he was undeserving of all compassion and love. He saw love as a weakness while I saw it as the strongest thing you could give to someone. My love for the Survey Corps was what made me train harder than anyone else to one day become the best. My love for the young children  from Shiganshina-Eren and Armin-was what made me fight for their future, to try and ensure that they lived in a safer world. My love for Mike was what made me desperate to kill every last titan as an attempt to create a safer world for him to someday live out his dream of having a wife and children. My love for my mother was what reminded me to heed every one of her profound words of wisdom-almost all of which were of family. My love for Erwin was what made me fight to stay alive even when all I wanted was to give in, to take one final breath and drift away. And my...love for Levi was what kept me on that rooftop, my legs dangling off the side of the wall as I stared up at the stars, which reminded me of all my loved ones who had gone on before me.

*Flashback*

The grass surrounding us tickled my bare arms and my calves where the dress ended and my skin began. There was a noticeable contrast between my mother and I. Her dark brown hair was the polar opposite of my silvery white as well as Erwin’s blonde hair. She told me once that he inherited his hair and eyes from our father, a man I never met but a man I loved nonetheless. She told me of his bravery on many of these nights when we laid in the grass and gazed up at the stars. He used to take Erwin outside and lay in the grass, telling my older brother all about the different signs in the stars as well as teaching life lessons to him through the stars. Her dark brown hair sprawled out across the green grass while my hair had been braided by her earlier in the day, small wisps of silvery-white hair coming down to frame my face. It was the clearest memory I had of my mother, only weeks before witnessing the brutality of humankind. Without knowledge of what would come later, I was lost in the moment with the woman who sacrificed endlessly for Erwin and I. He was already tucked into bed, but I couldn’t sleep. Normally, I would’ve crawled into bed with Erwin, who was seven years my senior, and we would curl up with each other, clinging to the other for the solace we both needed. Instead of following my regular routine, I had wandered out to find mother sitting at the table with her head in her hands, small sniffles emanating from her. Without second thought, I grabbed her hand and urged her outside where we currently found ourselves lying in the cool grass.

As I laid in silence, marvelling at the light the stars themselves gave off, I couldn’t help but listen to the faint whimpers from my mother. They had only grown worse as I tugged her hand, pleading with her silently to join me outside for our tradition. I rolled over onto my side, taking in the look of my bland yet beautiful mother. She was easily the most beautiful and youthful woman I had ever seen in my young life, but in the years that passed since that day, I would still know no woman more beautiful and graceful than her. Even in her sadness, deep green eyes red with the tears she cried and cheeks flushed with color, she was still stunning. I could only hope to be as beautiful as she was someday, but even after 14 years had passed, I couldn’t see even a fraction of that beauty within myself when I saw my reflection. I’d never see it within myself, though, because we looked at our mother’s as deities sent to this earth to make our lives more beautiful. It was impossible for me to see myself the way I saw her because I wasn’t a mother, so I couldn’t appreciate myself the same way. Her beauty was in her actions. As another tear rolled down the side of her face, I nestled my body against her, desperately trying to comfort her, “why are you sad?” I asked, a voice as small and fragile as I had been at the time, a voice that would grow much stronger in my early years of life.

She sniffled again, wiping the tears away and glancing down at me, the earth meeting the sky, “I just miss your father a lot today. I wish he was still here, and looking at the stars makes me sad sometimes because it was something he and I would do together even before we were married” she confessed, smiling up at the stars with tears still brimming her eyes, “it’s not something that I can teach you, but it’s something you’ll have to find out for yourself. When someone dies, it leaves a hole in your heart where they used to be, and moving on seems impossible, but their love lingers and keeps us fighting, keeps us holding onto this life. There are days when all I want to do is see him again, days when it feels like it would be so much easier to give up, but I know that he’s still with me, that he’ll always be with me as long as he’s in my heart. He was a wise man, too, Hope. He taught me so much, and I know I taught him a thing or two as well”

“If you still feel him with you, why are you crying?” I asked

She shrugged her shoulders, stroking my temple with the tips of her fingers, “a part of me just wants to hug him, to have a conversation with him. I want to ask him if I’m doing it right, if he’s proud of how I’ve raised you and Erwin. There’s also a bigger piece of me that mourns him for you and your brother. I want him to be here to see how beautiful our children are. He wanted a son and a daughter so badly, but he didn’t live long enough to see that dream come true. I just wish he was here to teach you the things only he was able to. I can try all I want to teach you the lessons he taught me, but it won’t stick with you the same way it stuck with me because I can’t possibly teach you as well as he could” she said

“So you’re sad because he’s here, but he’s not here” I stated, trying to understand what her sadness was for. I found out at a young age that trying to justify sadness was nearly impossible because it wouldn’t happen. I mourned a man I never met, a man whose face was unfamiliar to me. Still, I mourned him. As another tears trailed down the side of her face, we were in a mutual understanding of each other. She didn’t have to speak for me to understand her answer.

She sniffled again, clearing her throat in an attempt to suppress the lump that had formed there, “when you look at the stars, they’re the first things you see. However, so many of us fail to realize that without the darkness, we’d never be able to see the stars, to experience their beauty” she said, passing on a piece of wisdom that had been passed on to her at some point in her life, “without sorrow, we would never know happiness. Without pain and suffering, we would never know pleasure and comfort. Without darkness, we’d never know light. Everything that happens to you, no matter how good or bad it may seem, will happen for a reason. You may never know that reason, but it’s in those moments when you must have faith and hope that it’s for a reason. I miss your father, and I think of him every day. Every morning I wake up, and I wish he was by my side. That star...right there,” she said, pointing at a lone star in the entire sky, one that twinkled every few moments but still burned brightly, “I chose that star to represent your father. Even though it’s far away, it’s always there. Even though there are times when I can’t see it, I know it’s there somewhere, like the wind. There will come a day when I’m not around anymore, and you’ll feel sad. You’ll feel pain, but that pain will only make the joy that much more pleasant. We all experience darkness, but it only makes the light that much more refreshing. Your father told me the same thing when we would lay in the grass together, looking up at the stars. Watching the stars together became his love letter to me. Every time he took my hand, he’d mumble for me to come with him, and he would lead me to the best spot to gaze up at the stars. It was his way of telling me how much he loved me. Even if he never said it, I would always know. The stars were his love letter to me”

*Flashback End*

A smile formed on my face as I reached between both Levi and I to grab his hand, something I never had the nerve to do before that moment. I pushed aside the tingling sensation in my fingers as well as the way my whole body quaked due to the simple skin to skin contact. My grip on his hand remained even as I jumped up to stand on the stone wall while he still sat, staring up at me with confusion written on his face. His thin eyebrows pulled together as his grey eyes seemed to darken. Still, I didn’t give him the time to ask the question that was weighing on his mind. Instead, I gave his hand another gentle tug, trying to urge him into a standing position. The gesture had always worked with my mother, and she would follow me anywhere once I gave the simple tug. Levi wasn’t as easily moved, so I smiled down at him, “come with me” I pleaded, pouting out my bottom lip as an added attempt to win his favor.

He rolled his eyes, standing up and brushing himself off to remove the slight dirt that would’ve undoubtedly clung to his clothes from sitting on the stone wall for so long. I had let his hand go once I was sure he would follow me, “where are we going?” he asked, not completely convinced that I wasn’t going to lead him to his death. He was too skeptical, and he didn’t place nearly as much trust in me as I did in him. It was understandable, though, but I hoped to see that change someday.

His skepticism made me roll my eyes back at him but in a much more animated manner, mocking him for doing that to me. Before he could say another word, I grabbed his jacket, pulling him toward the door with me, “just shut up and you’ll see” I teased, a sly smile forming across my face. Making my way through the barracks was easy enough as everyone was already asleep. Either way, the slight chuckle from Levi had me nearly bursting out in laughter. It was so hard to get him to laugh, but here we were, running through the barracks. Silence was more important now than almost any other time, but his chuckles over my persistence to get him to follow me nearly had me in tears as I tried to suppress the giggles that threatened to bubble up in my throat. As I picked up the pace, wanting to get what I needed-blankets-and get out of the barracks to keep from being caught, I glanced behind me to take in the most beautiful sight in the known world. I was sure that in the outside world, there was nothing so jaw-droppingly beautiful, and I was even more certain that if there was, I would never see it. Levi ran behind me, the widest smile spread across his face as he tried to stifle every laugh that threatened to give us away. Still, I wouldn’t have traded that sight or that small sound for anything. I’d sooner be caught and reprimanded for running around after hours with Levi than force him back into the careful and calculating facade he wore almost all the time. This was a new side of Levi, a side I had never seen before. While I didn’t know why he was laughing-it could’ve been anything-I couldn’t help the smile that overcame my own face.

As we rounded the corner, I caught sight of Flagon. I wasn’t nervous about getting caught by him, knowing that he wouldn’t reprimand me, so I just continued running toward my own room. Recruits and soldiers stayed in the same room-women and men being in separate sections. I had just recently been bumped up to one of the elites, so I had my own private quarters, the room Erwin knew I wanted because it had a beautiful view of the landscape in the distance. It was the room right between Mike’s and Erwin’s, so I had both men checking in on me periodically to make sure everything was going smoothly. A whole section of the barracks was dedicated to the private rooms, Commander Shadis having the nicest one of them all for obvious reasons. I smiled as I ran by him, “hi, Flagon” I greeted him in a quiet voice as I tried to remain as silent as possible. When I stopped at my door only a few meters away from him, Levi stopping right next to me but refusing to even make eye contact with Flagon as I pulled the key from the pocket of my pants.

In the time it took me to pull it out, Flagon closed the space between us. As soon as he reached us, he stood on the other side of me, using me as the barrier between Levi and himself. He crossed his arms over his chest, raising an skeptical eyebrow, “you’re supposed to be in bed” he noted before his eyes shifted over to Levi, giving him a stern look, “both of you” he reminded us. While he was technically my superior as a Squad Leader, I belonged to Erwin’s special operations squad, which he was in the process of building from the ground up. I was honored to call myself a part of it and also the first member. However, since I was a part of Erwin’s select team, he took it upon himself to pass along punishments when he saw fit. There had been times when word of my erratic behavior got back to him, like the one time I went beyond the walls alone. For my transgression, I was given the responsibility of caring for the horses, feeding, watering, and bathing them as well as keeping the stables clean for two months. Another part of the punishment was being left behind on every mission, big or small, for an entire two months, which nearly killed me. He punished me justly and just as he would any other soldier he was charged with. Flagon was one of the people who spoke out against my punishments, so I knew that he wouldn’t want to see what happened if I was sneaking around late at night with one of the newest members of the team. Therefore, I wasn’t afraid of him reporting my behavior to Erwin, who Commander Shadis had recently named as his successor should he step down or be killed.

I shrugged my shoulders as I unlocked the door to my room, stepping inside the perfectly clean and neat space where I found myself at night and during the dullest hours of the day when I wasn’t needed and there was nothing to do. The room wasn’t used as much as some of the others, only for reading and spending time alone. Still, I couldn’t stand a mess, so it was probably the cleanest room in the entire barracks, “well, I’m not in bed, and neither is Levi. You know that sleep is my least favorite hobby. I want to be alert if anything happens. What if titans were to break through the wall or climb over it?” I asked reminding him of the endless possibilities that often kept me up at night.

“They won’t break through the walls” he assured me

I cocked an eyebrow, narrowing my eyes at him, “you don’t know that. It’s besides the point, anyway” I stated, stepping inside the room and pushing the key back into my pocket. Levi followed me closely but hesitantly, unsure of whether or not he was welcome into the room. I should’ve made it perfectly clear that he was free to come and go as he pleased, something he was still quite...shy about. He would’ve strangled me if he knew that I called him shy as he preferred to be described as “quiet” or “observant” instead. Still, shy was the best word I could think of to describe some of his more...particular behaviors. As I leaned against my dresser, facing the two men, I raised my eyebrows as a way of challenging Flagon, “last I checked, you’re also supposed to be in bed. Maybe I should report the misbehavior to Erwin or...Commander Shadis”

Flagon visibly stiffened as soon as I mentioned the commander, someone no one liked to cross. Keith had an obvious love for all of us, feeling the burden of every death, but he was rather harsh with punishments that surpassed the jurisdiction of the squad leaders. His eyes widened in surprise that I would use that threat with him. In reality, we both knew that I’d never rat him out. He smirked, “I didn’t see either of you, but if Erwin asks me where you are, what am I supposed to say?” he asked

I shrugged my shoulders, turning toward my bed and pulling the spare blanket from the foot of it where it had been folded. There were always a few spares in the private rooms, so when soldiers or recruits would need an extra, they usually had to go to those with private rooms to ask for blankets, pillows, sheets. It was giving us another level of responsibility. I smiled to myself, “improvise” I answered, completely disregarding the slight worry in his voice. I smiled over at him, “you’ll have to do it anyway if he catches you wandering the halls while you should be sleeping”

He raised his hands, almost like he was surrendering, “like I said, I haven’t seen you”

Once I collected the blanket, I walked back over to him, grasping his right shoulder with my right hand as I faced him. It was one of the things I picked up from Erwin at a young age. He wasn’t much of a hugger-he only really showed that cuddly side with me-so he did the grasp with me. I loved embracing others, but I also didn’t want to push the boundaries too much and make them uncomfortable. Mike was one of the more physical men I’d met, very open and physically expressive. He gave some of the best hugs ever, and I was thankful for being close enough with him to take advantage of that kind of thing. Flagon wasn’t as interested as the physical than he was with the emotional. He was a very open man once you got to know him, but it took a while. I smiled up at him, sincerely, “thanks, Flagon. I owe you”

He scoffed, nodding his head, “you do owe me because I’ve covered for your ass four times now” he reminded me with a smirk. We both knew that he never brought up the times he covered for me to make me feel bad, only to tease me, just like I never brought up the times I covered him and made sure he didn’t become dinner outside the walls. He smirked, shoving his hands into his pockets, “I’m gonna cash them all in for a romantic dinner once the expedition is over. I’m thinking I could go all out; candles, liquor, everything. I’ll show you the time of your life. It’ll be a date Mike could never top no matter how hard he tried” he stated, referring to the date Mike took me on only two weeks before, one he had no problem flaunting to everyone. There were a handful of women in the Survey Corps, but not nearly as many as there could’ve been. There was a small lot of us, minuscule when compared to the large numbers of men. Therefore, we were often the object of affection when it came to the men, and they had no problems flirting with or pining after all of us. Mike and I were always on the verge of something, but neither one of us wanted to push it too far, and I was especially hesitant after meeting Levi. Flagon had been jealous after the last date Mike took me on, one that topped all of the others. He stepped closer to me, smiling down at me, “so what do you say? Is it a date?” he asked

Before I could answer, Levi suddenly piped up from across the room to answer for me, “no” he blurted out, almost like he was releasing the tension. Flagon nearly jumped, not having remembered the raven-haired man lingering in the room with us. His eyes darted over to Levi, and I followed his lead, seeing that Levi was in the process of glaring at Flagon.

Glancing back up at Flagon, I noticed that he was still in the process of glaring right back at Levi. As soon as I rested my hand against his chest, his eyes locked with mine again, paying no attention to Levi’s small outburst. A small smile spread across my face as I wondered just how romantic he was planning on being if he wanted to top Mike and set the new record, one Mike-the sweetest man I knew, aside from my brother-wouldn’t be able to beat. With a content sigh, I spoke, “as long as we both make it back alive, you have yourself a deal”

He shrugged his shoulders, a light blush overcoming his cheeks as his eyes flickered away from mine and down to the stone floor, “it’s just another reason for me to fight even harder”

Levi and I were finally on the top of the south tower, but we didn’t make it there without some complications and tight spaces that only Flagon could get us out of, sticking his neck out for me yet again. As I unfolded the blanket, Levi sat down on the cool stone, making himself comfortable as he leaned his back against the half-wall with gaps spaced out evenly. His jaw clenched as he narrowed his eyes at nothing in particular. I could tell that even after our time hiding in the small storage room-thinking about it still made my stomach flip-he was still angry. It was as if, his anger subsided for that time and that time alone, but now that we were up on the top of the tower, after climbing countless stairs, he was letting his true colors show again. He glared down at his own hands, which rested delicately in his lap, slender fingers that I desperately wanted to feel against my skin again, grasping my face, a gentle graze of my neck as he pushed my hair aside. His rough voice pulled me from thoughts of him, “why would you agree to have dinner with that piece of shit?” he asked

My eyes widened in surprise at his blunt nature, but I couldn’t have expected anything different after getting to know him over the last few weeks. He was straightforward, which was something I missed in humanity. It seemed as if too many people spoke with the fear of offending others, but Levi didn’t care about that. He was blunt, which could often come across as rather brutal, but I would never ask him to change because he was perfect in my eyes. Even though he wasn’t looking at me or even in my direction, I continued to gaze at him as I spoke, “Flagon and I get along rather well for the most part. He’s not as rigid as he may seem at first, and you’ll come to see that. Just like with Erwin, he has a soft side that he doesn’t like letting many people see, especially any newcomers who could potentially take advantage of his soft and caring nature. I agreed to dinner with him because it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just dinner”

“A romantic dinner” he corrected me, grey eyes darting over to lock with mine, not wanting me to forget that Flagon made it clear that it was going to be a romantic occasion. The anger boiled up within him, and it was the first true time I saw him with so much hostility. When we were in my room, I was sure he was going to kill Flagon with a simple look, and our time in the storage closet as well as our time spent making our way to the south tower only gave him more time to ruminate on it, “he made sure to specify that it would be a romantic dinner” he added

“And?” I asked, shrugging my shoulders. I sincerely didn’t understand what the big deal was since I didn’t look at the occasions in the same light. If I considered every dinner I had with a man a romantic one, my reputation would burn away. During my time in the Survey Corps, I had been asked to dinner many times by several of the men. Often times, they would call it a romantic dinner, but it was always just personal time I got to spend with them. Occasions with Mike and with Levi, I looked at differently. When Mike first took me to the top of Wall Maria to look out at the world, I considered it a romantic occasion. Looking up at the stars with Levi was another romantic occasion. I wasn’t in a relationship with anyone, though, so it wasn’t like I was committed to one person. I was committed to the Survey Corps and all the members therein. I sighed, seeing how upset he was by this, “listen, what he thinks it is is very different from what I think it is. He can think it’s a romantic occasion all he wants, but to me, it’s just a nice meal with a friend”

“Well, then what is this?” he asked, gesturing at the space around him, referencing the situation we found ourselves in currently. I could tell that he already had his own definition of what it was we were doing on top of the tallest tower within the walls. While he would never tell me what his definition of this was, it was still pretty clear that he wasn’t proud of it. Therefore, I could only guess that he viewed it the same way as me. While he was ashamed to be feeling that way, though, I welcomed it with open arms. There had never been a time quite like this before, and the only other time my heart fluttered like the wings of a butterfly, was when Mike and I danced. Every moment with Levi felt like that, though, like we were dancing. His arm wrapping around the small of my back as he pressed my chest against his own, his lips grazing the skin of my cheek as he moved to whisper into my ear. He was intoxicating and invigorating, filling all of my senses all at once with his presence. There was no part of me that doubted our future together if he was willing to partake in it, but there was a piece of me that had a feeling that he would back away from what we had before it even started.

As I resumed my work on unfolding the blanket, I answered him, “to me, this is a romantic view of the stars” I stated, plainly, wanting him to know my stance on our current situation. Anything with Levi would be romantic in my mind because I did have feelings for him. Of course, those feelings were foreign and far more intense than the feelings I had for Mike. Before meeting Levi, a part of me just thought that we met someone and learned to love them after spending enough time with them. Falling in love had always been gradual, and you couldn’t know from just one glance. However, there was a spark when I met Levi, and I just knew that there was something between us, a feeling that would blossom into something beautiful. Instead of trying to hide the fact that I cared about him, I let him see it all. I let him see the good, the bad, and the ugly because life was often too short for those of us in the Survey Corps to live any differently. You never knew when it would be your last day, so I lived every one of them like it was my last. I glanced up at the night sky above us, “it’s the best place to look up at them because it’s the closest the majority of us will ever get to them in this lifetime. Besides, my mother told me once that without darkness, we’d never be able to see the stars. It’s something you’ve yet to understand. You think you’re unworthy because of what you’ve been through, but you don’t know how brightly you shine in the darkness you’ve been through. You’ve been through hell, but you’ve come out of it so much stronger and so much wiser. There’s a kindness in you, Levi, I can see it. You may think it’s not there, but it is, and it’s a beautiful thing. The stars are my letter to you” I explained, remembering what my mother had told me so many years ago.

The stars were his love letter to me.

He snickered as I wrapped the blanket around his shoulders, wanting him to be warm. The soft brown fabric cascaded over his broad shoulders, the ones I wished to fall asleep resting my head upon, but he sunk into himself as he pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging them tightly. That cold and distant look in his eyes returned, so I braced myself for what was about to come, “you know, for such a bright young lady, you make some pretty bad choices” he sneered

As much as I wanted to flinch at his harshness, I just shrugged it off, “feeling this way about you isn’t one of them, though” I replied, not backing down. He could berate me all he wanted for caring about him or sacrificing for him, which I was sure would come eventually, but I’d never stop. It was like berating someone because they breathed or because their heart beat. It was like being upset with the stars for existing. How do you stop breathing? How do you force your heart to stop? I’d sooner be able to stop the sun from shining than to stop these wild feelings I had for him. No amount of time with or without him could lessen my feelings for him, either. Instead, they would only continue to grow until my heart just couldn’t take it.

He nearly jumped back when I spoke those words, visibly shaken by the grace in which I was able to receive and rebuttal his previous comment. All Levi could do was sit in shock, staring up at me with wide eyes as if he hadn’t expected anything so wildly foreign to escape my mouth. I knew that he wasn’t used to affection or compassion, but I was going to make it my life’s mission to change that. From this moment on, he would know nothing but love and kindness and affection because that’s what he deserved. He looked away once he found that my eyes were filled with not a single trace of doubt or regret. I had no regrets when it came to Levi, only that I regretted not meeting him sooner. Before another word could be said, I lowered myself onto the cool stone floor right next to him, leaving the space between us big enough to not make him uncomfortable. He would have these fits of rambling on and on about how to simple touch of another human being made him feel so dirty, and the one thing I knew about Levi was that his middle name was “clean”. He hated dirt and messes more than I did, which I thought was impressive. Therefore, when he draped the blanket over my shoulders, allowing it to encompass both of us, I was in disbelief. It wasn’t until he wrapped one strong and slender arm around my waist, pulling my body closer to his in the process that I realized what just happened.

Levi didn’t care about being clean when it came to me.

It was his love letter to me.

*Levi’s POV*

We sat in almost complete silence as we nestled into the warmth the blanket provided. She was warm, but I was still too nervous to overstep the boundaries with her. Nothing could’ve compared to what happened in the storage closet on our way up here, though, but the adrenaline from almost being caught by Erwin and the tight space we had found ourselves in left me with no other way to release it. Therefore, I made a decision that may not have been the most appropriate, which was putting it lightly. Then, when she sat down next to me, I surprised both her and myself when I pulled her closer to me and under the blanket. Just knowing that this could very well be our final night on this Earth made me throw all my cares to the wind. Being with her made me feel invincible and...alive. There were no fears or concerns when I was with her; I just was. Even though I hardly knew anything about her, I knew that she captivated me so much that I wanted to get to know her, which was something new. It wasn’t often that I even cared about the people I was around. Isabel and Furlan were my only friends, but she made me want to know every detail of her life. I glanced over at her, her silvery-white hair shining under the light from the moon and stars, small wisps framing her fair face. Every time I looked at it, I had to resist the urge to run my fingers through it. Instead, I leaned toward her again, “what was your mom like?” I asked the question that had been on my mind from the moment we met. I was desperate to find out where she came from and the woman who raised her into the young woman she is today. I took an interest in her past from the moment we met, but I never asked her about it before because I never wanted to pry or seem too pushy on subjects like that. Talk of mother’s always bothered me anyway, as did seeing children with their mothers. It brought up too many memories of my own mother, memories I wanted to live in forever, which made me weak.

Hope’s big eyes only widened in surprise, the violet color surrounding her irises bleeding even further into the deep and crystal blue. She was genuinely surprised that I even requested something of that nature, since I was never the one to ask for personal information. I had always been so adamant about steering clear of the mother subject especially, but I had also never wanted to have a conversation about mother’s in general. It was too...sad for me. Though she was surprised by my request, she decided to amuse me with the story of her mother, someone I knew nothing about but someone I had respect for all the same. Her mother raised a beautiful and kind human being who I had grown to...care for. As soon as she began speaking, her eyes glazed over with tears, and she stared up at the stars, and I could understand why when she used the past tense to describe the first woman we all loved. Our mothers. Her sadness and bittersweet smile caused my heart to ache, but I listened to every word as she spoke, “my mother was beautiful. I know everyone would say that about their mother, but she was truly the most beautiful soul that had ever graced the face of this forsaken world. She raised me on her own since my father died before I was born, and I remember times when she gave up her own food just to make sure I was fed. She was clean, too, a lot like me...and a lot like you” she smiled in fond remembrance, glancing over at me.

“She was just like any mother, I guess. She curled up with me when I had a nightmare or when I was sick. I can remember when she would rub my temple until I fell asleep in her arms when I just couldn’t seem to get comfortable in my own bed. She would sing songs to me before I fell asleep at night, and our last words were always, “I love you” no matter what. She had long hair, a lot like mine, but it was brown. Her eyes were this deep green color, almost like those trees in the distance. To any outsider, she was plain and pretty ordinary, but she had this...fire in her eyes that I’ve never seen before. To me, she was a goddess. She never lost her spirit no matter what she went through, and we had our share of struggles. My father used to take her out to look up at the stars, and he would teach her all about them since that’s what he did as a job anyway. After he died and once I was born, she took me out every night to look at the stars, carrying on the tradition he would’ve included me in anyway. I can’t even recall how many times she told me how much he wanted a daughter and how he would’ve loved me more than any other man could’ve. We would look up at the stars, and she would point out the star she picked out for him. It’s been 14 years since she died, and I can still point it out. It’s the one on the left of the biggest star in the sky” she said, pointing to it. My eyes landed on it, and I smiled at the thought of choosing a star for the one you loved. I figured that people didn’t normally choose them for any other reason than to memorialize the ones they love most, especially after they passed on, “the biggest star in the sky is the one I picked for my mother, and it’s only fitting that they’re right next to each other. The two stars are so close that it almost looks like they could collide and bleed together at any moment, and it’s only appropriate that she’s the biggest and brightest of them all because that’s just the type of person she was. Beautiful and glowing. She was the light at the end of every dark tunnel, and she still is”

“There isn’t a night that goes by that I don’t look up at the stars. I talk to her sometimes, too, and I can only hope that she can hear me. It must sound ridiculous, but it’s what has kept me going for so long. After all the friends I’ve lost, after everything I’ve done...I still need my mom to tell me it’s all going to be okay, that she’ll stand by my side through every ounce of darkness. I still need her to tell me that I’m strong, that I’m brave, that I’m everything she hoped I would be” she said, her bottom lip quivering as she fought back the tears in her beautiful eyes. She didn’t let a single tear fall, though. She would allow herself to be vulnerable, but only to a certain extent. We had only known each other for a few weeks, and I hadn’t expected her to open up so willingly about an experience that hurt her so much. I never talked about my mother because it was too painful, but she allowed herself to experience that pain in my presence. As she took a breath to collect her thoughts, her right hand fell between us. When she moved it to a more comfortable position, it brushed up against mine, sending a surge of energy through my whole body. Before she had a chance to pull it away, clearly embarrassed by the simple touch that she initiated accidentally, I intertwined our fingers together. It wasn’t like I hadn’t pushed the boundaries already if we could both recall the storage closet incident. In the moment we were having right now, none of my primal instincts kicked in, and instead, it was just my need to comfort her in her time of mourning. We never stopped mourning the people we cared for who went on before us no matter how long ago it happened. As I gave her hand a gentle squeeze, she stared up at me, her bright and beautiful sky mixed with wild traces of amethyst meeting the grey storm clouds within my own eyes. Still, the way she looked at me made me feel like I was significant, as if she could validate me with a simple gaze. Then, she spoke, “she would’ve loved you”

It came as a shock to me. To hear that a woman like her mother, a goddess just like her daughter, would love me, an animal from the underground city, caused the tears gloss over my own eyes. Though I wouldn’t let them fall, she could sense my sudden change in mood, gently squeezing my hand and leaning in toward me. Her head rested against my shoulder, waves of shimmering white cascading across the brown material of my jacket. She nestled into me, offering me the solace I had been searching for all along. Caressing her hand with my thumb, I spoke, thinking of the first woman to ever care for me, one of the only women who ever cared for me. I could just imagine how happy she’d be knowing that I had Hope in my life, and I could almost see the way her eyes would light up as I told her about these strange feelings that felt a lot like love to me, “my mother would’ve felt the same way about you” I murmured

“What was she like?” she asked, softly.

The question was innocent, but it would be one that I couldn’t bring myself to answer. I never talked about my mother to anyone, not even Furlan or Isabel. My main reason for hiding away those memories was so that I didn’t have to relive them. I refused to cry in front of anyone, especially Hope, who I was destined to protect. Instead of saying anything, I just looked back up at the star that represented her mother, and I chose one to memorialize my own. The star to the right of her mother’s. Without a hint of doubt, I just knew that our mothers would have been close friends if they had the chance to meet each other in life. The one thing that kept me going, kept me fighting, was that I would see my mother again someday, and maybe she had met Hope’s mother in death. For so long, I had been thirsty for death, wanting to see my mom once more, to hear her voice, to have her hold me in her arms. After befriending Furlan and Isabel, it was easier to stay alive and to push aside that sorrow. However, I still wanted nothing more than to fall asleep and never wake. That changed so drastically when I met Hope. I found my purpose in her eyes and in her voice. I found my reason to fight the first time that fair skin brushed against my own. That was when I knew. My mother sent her my way. She knew that I needed her, that I was ready for her. She was still looking out for me.

“I’m never far away, Levi. I’ll always be right beside you no matter how far away it may seem. As long as you keep me in your heart, I’ll be with you forever and ever”

Her voice rang through my mind, replaying the statement I turned to every time I felt alone. It was a lesson she taught me at a young age because you never knew how long you’d survive in the underground city, so we always made our time together count. She told me countless times that as long as I remembered her and continued loving her, she would be with me forever. Her words stuck with me for my entire life. Even though she died when I was young, I still have vivid memories of her, ones that kept me alive for this long. Now, I was blessed with the woman at my side, a goddess who was living proof that life wasn’t fair. If it was, she wouldn’t be by my side. I did nothing to deserve her kindness or companionship, but she was here anyway. As we sat in the silence, we were in a silent understanding of each other. She understood that I wouldn’t answer her question for no reason other than to maintain my own emotional stability, and I understood that she would support me no matter what my decision. In 10 years, if I wanted to talk about it, she would be there for me.

When she let go of my hand, I was ready to protest, thinking I had done something wrong, but I was cut short when she pushed my arm up and wrapped her arms around my waist, nestling herself under my arm and against my body. Her head rested on my chest right above my heart, and she just sat in silence, not calling attention to the change in position we just made. However, it left me more relaxed than I had ever been in my life. Having the girl not even my wildest dreams could create in my arms was surreal, and if I hadn’t known better, I would’ve thought that this was a dream. However, I knew it wasn’t because my dream would’ve been kinder to me and wouldn’t have put us in a situation that could lead to me potentially losing her. We were leaving tomorrow, embarking on a journey that would forsake many of us, and I had a strange fear that she wouldn’t be so lucky tomorrow. All I could do was sit in that silent moment with her, listening to her breathing and feeling her delicate body pressed against mine as my arm tightened around her waist, “I wish I could’ve been there” she murmured out of the blue after I was sure she had fallen asleep.

She was talking about underground! Why would she wish to have been there? Didn’t she know how much pain and grief we lived in, day in and day out? Wasn’t she aware of the tragedies and living conditions we were in? She was far too bright to be oblivious to it all. So many people on the surface took their lives for granted, but I hadn’t expected her to do the same thing. She knew better than to wish for a life of pain, and suffering, and death. My heart broke as I thought of what she said and the determination in her voice when she did, “you would’ve suffered” I explained

“If it meant you didn’t have to suffer alone, I would’ve taken that life in a heartbeat” she assured me, letting me know that she wasn’t going to retract her statement no matter how much I wanted her to. She tilted her head up, locking her eyes with mine as her left hand that had been pressed against my chest trailed up to stroke my cheek. I leaned into her gentle touch as she continued to speak, “my mother used to say that we suffer willingly and happily for the ones we love, and I…” her voice stopped suddenly with the realization of what she was about to say. My eyes widened in pure shock as I started to piece it together. Still, I told myself that it wasn’t possible she was saying she loved me. There was no way. She cleared her throat, desperately looking for a way to change the course of the conversation, “I picked a star for you”

“Which one?” I asked as I glanced up at the twinkling lights. She picked a star for me. That was when I figured it out, when I knew.

“That one” she said, pointing at one of the stars, the one that never moved from that one spot. It was in the same place every night from what I had found, and it was a comfort knowing that it would always be there in that same familiar section of the night sky, “my mom always told me that it’s the star to lead you home. She told me stories of the adventurers long ago when people lived outside the walls. They used the star to guide them home if they were lost. It was their guiding light...and you’re mine now” she confessed, her voice soft yet sure without a hint of doubt or regret.

“I shouldn’t be” I stated, worried that the choice she was making was the worst one for her.

Still, she wouldn’t listen to me even if I tried to force her. She gave me a gentle push before hugging our bodies even closer together, getting comfortable against my body and using my chest as her pillow. I felt her lips pull up into a smile, which was mirrored on my own face. She breathed deeply, “well, you are, so get used to it” she stated.

I knew that she was trying her hardest not to fall asleep, but it was late, and we had a long day ahead of us. All I could do was recall her words from earlier when she reminded Flagon that she didn’t like sleeping because of the titans. That particular fear was what made me realize just how much she must’ve seen outside the walls. The sadness in her eyes that she tried to cover up with a bubbly attitude came from somewhere, and I knew that it would only worsen after this expedition. While I had her in my arms, though, I would savor every moment, “it’s okay to fall asleep, Hope. As long as you’re with me, I’ll protect you” I whispered, brushing the tips of my fingers on my right hand across her cheek, pushing the strands of hair from her face.

“Goodnight, Levi” she whispered, “I miss you already”

My lips pulled up into a smile as my heart filled with light, “I miss you, too” I murmured

And there I was sitting on top of the south tower on what could be my final night on this Earth. I held my whole world in my arms as she slept. What more could I have asked for? Instead of drinking with my friends or kissing her like I should have in the storage closet, I chose a star for her.

Because that’s what you do for the one you love.

[lycosa83]

Boruto Review

Show Name: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations

Genre: Action/Fantasy

Premiered: April 5, 2017

After many years of spectacular highs and horrendous lows, the epic saga of shonen juggernaut Naruto had finally closed the last page, leaving a flurry of mixed emotions in its wake.  For many fans, it was the quintessential end of an era, like bidding farewell to a lifelong companion after a childhood full of joy and pleasure.  For others, though, it probably felt like the long-awaited end to a song that had gone on for entirely too long, poisoning any fondness under a mountain of low-quality fillers and some serious literary faux pas.  Still, whatever side of the fence you fall on, there's no denying that Naruto has left a mark most manga can only dream of replicating.  So when it was announced last spring that this sacrosanct series will be getting a spinoff/continuation focusing on Boruto, Naruto's precocious and talented son, the reactions were, as you'd expect, mixed.  While the Boruto movie, along with many of the Next Gen kids, are relatively well-received, and some fans argue that a continuation falls nicely in line with the series's overarching theme of bequeathing responsibilities to the next generation, others felt it was an unnecessary cash cow leech, sucking on a franchise whose veins dried out long before it finally bit the dust. The fact that Naruto creator Masashi Kishimoto has a relatively minor hand in this next swing in the property also gives little to expect for this new saga.  But that's all abstract speculation; with the cat now out of the bag, how does Boruto: Naruto Next Generations stand up under scrutiny?

Synopsis

(For a summary of the original Naruto series, click here.)

Many years have passed since the Fourth Great Ninja War, and the ninja world is finally at peace.  Thanks to the efforts of Naruto and his companions, old severances have been mended, new bonds forged, and our hero, having achieved his dream of becoming Hokage, presides over a Konohagakure bursting with life and possibility.  Even so, there’s a whisper on the winds, a sign that not all is well and that the world may once again taste the bitterness and heartache of war and violence. Fortunately, a new generation has arisen, striking out from their early days in the ninja academy in hopes of making a name for themselves like their now-legendary parents.  Chief among them is Boruto, the rambunctious progeny of Naruto and Hinata Hyuga, who is driven by an intense desire to both escape his fabled father’s shadow, and win his undivided approval.  With his friends by his side and a host of new challenges ahead, Boruto is determined to carve his own unique story into the marble slab of shinobi history.

The Good

Boruto reels you in with an effective use of the tried-and-true cold open - showing us a near future dystopia of destruction and decay, with Boruto clashing swords with an unknown adversary atop the ruins of his hometown. Though an oft-used strategy in fiction, it’s necessary, even crucial, for this series, since it gives us a reason to stick around (i.e. to see how we got here) while also bestowing a sense of narrative direction lacking in its predecessor.  While Naruto’s thread of continuity was tied to the protagonist’s personal ambitions (which were often muddled by drama and by adversaries whose own private hells became a black hole in the plot) Boruto presents us with a simpler, more direct, and honestly more compelling motive: How did this happen?  What are the circumstances that led Boruto to becoming the tattooed, sword-wielding badass as he appears in the opening?  Besides this intriguing narrative scaffolding, the animation is smooth and fluid, matching the best its parent series had to offer, and if nothing else will ensure a gorgeous spectacle of high-flying ninja action.

The Bad

Unfortunately, despite the nice start, the pacing of this new anime is likely to be a slow and maddeningly repetitive one.  Boruto starts its tale way back in the beginning of his academy days - before both the movie, and the intriguing Naruto Gaiden manga.  This could mean one of two things: that the anime will skip those elements and spare viewers the pain of retreading old territory with new boots; or they’ll just plunge ahead in the style of Dragon Ball Super, subjecting us to the same old plot while dragging out the series.  This can be a real problem, especially if stretching the distance between the current, somewhat boring point A to the tantalizing point B in the cold open proves to be more than what most fans are willing to tolerate.  Another issue is our main lead and his goals - or rather, his current lack thereof.  While Naruto didn’t have the same end post to hold our attention, he was blessed with a solid personal motivation that made for a fruitful and self-perpetuating journey.  Boruto has yet to show anything akin to this, besides some self-centered desire to surpass his father while steering clear of the path he had trodden at all costs.   Beyond that, he's just not that interesting of a character in his own right.  The creators wisely give Boruto just enough distinction so that he avoids becoming a Xerox of his dad, but stripped of Naruto's justified desires and without a matching sympathetic root for his bratty actions, there isn't a whole lot to endear this kid to the audience. With his privileged background, loving family, and other advantages his parents would have killed to have growing up, he comes off as spoiled and obnoxious, even with the obligatory "hidden heart of gold" stock character trait that makes him less interesting than if he was an outright jerk.  Obviously, this is bound to change as the story goes on - but the question remains whether he’ll exhaust our tolerance for him by that point.

The Ugly

Truth be told, this entire new stunt sits in a hazy fog of “what ifs.”  Boruto might become a strong and likeable character, if he can surmount his flaws before we all lose interest.  The story might turn out to be a gripping and compelling account of passing the torch to the next generation, if the kids rounding out the cast herd move past their generic phase and start developing personalities worth watching.  It grants the series a lot of potential, sure - but it could also come crashing down in one big, steaming pile.  Boruto is pretty much a collection of possibilities, with no guarantees one way or the other that Kishimoto’s legacy will be a roaring crescendo or a shrill, deadening dirge.

Tune In or Tune Out

For now, Tune Out.  As interesting as the cold open is, and despite the number of nostalgia veins it’ll undoubtedly open for many of its fans, Boruto has little to offer otherwise, except a slow start and a flash of mildly interesting vignettes hung on a series of pessimistic question marks.  I won’t go full cynic and claim that it's just another cash cow grab, but the last arc of Naruto was a dry pump to begin with, and even its most die hard fans are hard-pressed to justify this new turn in the franchise.  The patented Naruto meta-theme of bequeathing to the next generation might make it worth keeping an eye out for here and there, but you can bypass this entirely and not feel like you're missing some critical part of the Naruto legendarium.

[speedygal]

Mission to Mars  AU

I’m taking some liberties to tinker with this AU. So bare with me.

James T Kirk has fallen head over heels for a woman whose in the space program for NASA. Her name is  Carol Marcus. He is best friends with Gary “Mitch” Mitchell and Leonard H. “McCoy” McCoy, a black man in this AU but he still looks like McCoy otherwise nothing different. Carol falls sick, contract cancer, and dies shortly after their wedding. She lived for six months. McCoy is going into space with three other people consisting of Hikaru Sulu, Pavel Chekov, and Spring (T’Pring) to Mars. Harold Grayson, aka human Spock, is part of the party along with a dozen others and children.  McCoy has a little girl named Joanna who is eight years old with his wife Jocelyn. McCoy is reading a Galaxy Quest fan novel to his daughter every night. Jim is close friends with Harold and dealing with the grief. He’s gotten better but the pain in his chest still lingers. Sometimes he thinks he sees her, sometimes he feels like she is till there with them, following him watching him like she isn’t really gone. Mitch, Jim, and Len are in Joanna’s treehouse talking about how the gang is splitting up. Harold is at the bottom. He’s one of the few people in society who is psi-positive and does not wish to hear their inner thoughts. Mitch has a necklace with a triangle shaped object around his neck. It’s a dream. A promise. Something that was given and made to every day people. Hope. It looks like a rocket but it isn’t. It has a  star  in the center of it. Harold is the second to last to leave but not without shaking Leonard’s hand, fondly, allowing him to see and feel how he will be missed.

18 months later, the group of four has settled on Mars. They have found ways to produce water and extract it from mars which indicates, as theory holds that it used to be like Earth. McCoy misses his little girl and his buddies on Earth. Hikaru has created a green house with help from Russian Chekov who is just too cute for words with the Asian man. They are dotting over each other highly in love. Spring is perfectly fine with her assignment and enjoys the peace and quiet for once and her duties are exceptional. Spring reminds McCoy of Harold. McCoy misses the two nerds. Hikaru jokes to McCoy that the plants will one day be his only hope and listening ears for him. McCoy replies cynical and skeptical of it. They have a lot of plants.  He knows his colleagues are on the international space station and when he realizes that, he gathers the crew and makes a embarrassing video that takes 20 minutes to get to the station. They decide to go to the ‘face’ because their little drone has shown something truly odd about it. 20 minutes later, they make it to the face, scan it, project at it with their radar while McCoy is by the rover. The anomaly reacts and it is devastating. Back at the space station, Harold is learning to dance with some help from Mitch who is getting interested in him. And making out because there is some form of connection that they made between each other. Jim is embarrassed by the video, afterwards the face’s anomaly is brought up. The space station is alerted to the out-of-this-world-charge and blanketing-of-destruction. The worst is expected, Jim is distraught and has to leave to deal with this. His best friend. Is gone. His reaction is worse than losing his wife and he deals with it privately in his quarters. On Mars, McCoy digs himself out of the dirt. Gets the hell out of their on the rover. Terrified out of his mind and lucky to be alive. He is swearing to himself about how space is dangerous and how stupid he was to go into space and chides himself for joining because Jim joined. He is chastising himself all the way to the station. And crying over the loss of his colleagues. He talks to himself all the way there but he still hasn’t calmed down while back at HQ everyone is freaking out in a HQ meeting. McCoy is trying to find the good in it but he feels for his colleagues so much. It’s undeniably painful. He goes in to make another video out of breath and panting. The signal is lost after he asks Jim to tell his daughter that he loves her. McCoy is left alone with minimal packaged food that lasts for one month since next week was going to be the departure from the planet for the next crew. Also with plants, and water. No human interaction.

The HQ gets the video and sees it. Jim wants to send a team after McCoy and bring him home. Jim is back to his old self minus being ridged, compromised, and a true mess. He is a diplomatic, confident, and kind man. He wants to help in any way he can. Mitch stand up for Jim to Captain Pike of the vessel to go get their friend back. Harold is there acting as support in the background. Mitch thanks Harold for being there with him. Harold does not speak often, apparently, and reserves his voice for more important  occasions. Which gives off the mute impression. Jim shares a video call with Joanna and tells her that her dad is going to be back sometime  in 2022. He is going to bring him back. In any way he can. Jocelyn breaks the news to Jim that she has divorced McCoy over five months ago. Jim then realizes that’s why McCoy told him only Joanna. Jim and Jocelyn talk about McCoy. Jocelyn tells him that he has her blessing if he wants to go after McCoy. That comforts Jim. Jim asks how she and Joanna have been doing. They share a good conversation. The conversation ends eventually. Jim goes over to Uhura and advises her to comfort her girlfriend, Christine Chapel, over her lost fiancee. She needs time away from her station and says he will cover her. Uhura is thankful for Jim then leaves. Jim covers her station exactly as he says. He uses the quality time and silence to recuperate. Janice Rand gives Jim some coffee. She puts a hand on his shoulder and attempts to comfort him since there is, in NASA’s eyes, no way that McCoy could have survived and even if he was still alive he was probably in bad shape. Jim appreciates the gesture. A few hours later, Jim is writing up the names of those who should go on the rescue mission aka evaluation mission to see what happened. The data that was collected will take months if not years to shift through and understand from what happened on Mars. Grayson and Jim play chess in the mess hall. Grayson breaks the news that Jim is going to lead the rescue mission. Jim then informs Grayson of who he has chosen for the rescue mission so far: Grayson, Mitch, and Montgomery Scott. He was going to chose Lee Kelso or one of the so called ‘Thermian’ members of the space station to lead the rescue mission. Preferably a woman. Janice Lester.  Grayson informs Jim that would have been a terrible choice of all three because 1, they are not Jim Kirk, 2, they are all rational, logical people, and 3, they are not as bold and stubborn as Jim is to get someone back. Grayson alludes to Jim dragging his ass into NASA training and Jim replies, “You are exaggerating, McCoy got you in to watch I and Carol’s six.” Grayson alludes to other instances where Jim was behind his back during high school and studying with McCoy for the tests. Jim smiles back at him. Jim defeats Grayson and almost calls him by a fictionalized character who appeared once in Galaxy Quest, “That was a excellent game, Mr Spauwk.” Grayson raises his arched eyebrow. “Sorry, friend, that just slipped.” Jim has to speak with the people he was going to add to the roster. Ben Sulu, Hikaru’s husband, is crying with Lieutenant Romaine and Scotty around him taking him away  from the mess hall.

Our scene transitions to later of boarding the  IXS Enterprise that is connected to the international space station. There’s a party being thrown for the group. Jim hugs his friends and colleagues but notably the last he shakes their hands including the so called Thermian people with bowl hair cuts. He kisses both Christine and Nyota on the cheeks. Janice Rand gets a hug. The ship is full of supplies for the crew. He shakes Captain Pike’s hand and assures him. The trip is 173 days aka five months and sixty-eight days. Their space suits have touch screen gloves, are light blue, fit their body like a glove, and they are not bulky. It’s actually comfortable. The Boeing NASA space suits feel better than the previous model. They have space suits for going on mars which is the blue version of the white suit which is basically a add on to the space suit. Scotty is over joyed. Grayson and Mitch’s relationship continues to bud. Scotty is carefully monitoring the fuel. Because this shit is expensive. Jim watches videos of Carol. Their son, David, was put into a artificial womb prior to her death in a synthetic body that provides nutrients to him. He has been encountering problems along the way which has paused his development. Jim had his will changed last year specifically for David’s arrival and if he cannot be around for him. He has McCoy, Pike,  Winona, George, and Grayson listed as potential guardians for the child. Jim gets to know Scotty better than he did on the international space station.

McCoy, on Mars, adjusts to his new and boring and terrifying life. He evidently does not eat the cupcake that is discarded on the counter. The signal cannot be restablished. He continues what Hikaru had done before him, watering the plants. Some days he fights with them over: water. They provide him oxygen and food. He eventually thinks he sees the crew around him. McCoy evidently thinks he is losing his mind. He realizes the plants are his only hope because Hikaru had always said they were alive and talked about forests being a living garden where they exchanged messages. McCoy is stuck inside the shuttle afraid to go outside. He talks to the plants and tend to him. McCoy deals with the grief of losing his crewmates. Some days he thinks he sees Jim  and Grayson and he gives into the illusion grabbing Jim into a hug until he is down to his knees a crying mess. He thinks no one is coming because A, no one would send a rescue mission after a event like this, B, it’s a death wish since space is dangerous wrapped in disease and death. And its unpredictable. He and his team were lucky to get down to mars. McCoy misses his crewmates. He goes through denial, anger, bargaining, and acceptance all in different orders. One day he sees his two nerds, but they are dressed differently and their space suits are nothing like NASA with the different patches. Grayson with pointed ears and slanted eyebrows. They talk to hm after McCoy tackles the look-alike Jim with a pickaxe and he just blacked out. He wakes up in a static field room. He thinks he has gone insane. Their uniforms are unique. He attacks anyone who comes near him because hell he is not sure if this is reality anymore. He calls himself Horatio after seeing look alike him checking him out with devices  while he is bounced to the chair. He manages to escape running down the hall where he makes his way to the transporter room where he sees Hikaru and Pavel and he screams so loud  backing off BECAUSE AREN’T THEY DEAD? He comes across T’Pring accidentally when he enters the lab room and he faints at the sight of her. He is taken back to the room and its so surreal and frightening and scary and he struggles. Look alike Jim comes to his side and puts a hand on his shoulder and look alike Spock puts a hand on his shoulder, so he says, “I have no idea who y’all playin’ at or my subconscious is making. BUT YOU MAKE A LOUSY TAKE ON the best man I ever known, GRAYSON.” He feels the contact of touch by look alike Grayson and emotions take over McCoy’s body; the sympathy, understanding, and love is overwhelming. McCoy loses consciousness. When he awakens, he is back in the green house, McCoy sees the toy action figures to  Galaxy Quest on the table and realizes he has been up too long thinking about all those what ifs. He sees the pickax leaned against the counter and recalls that he took it out as self defense measure in case whatever spared him came will be quickly slaughtered. McCoy gets back up and works on that signature he found from what came out of the face sculpture. He is undergoing serious angst issues and questions reality at every turn to make sure he is not dreaming AND THAT DREAM TERRIFIED THE HELL OUT OF HIM, WHAT IF A LOOK ALIKE OF JIM BEING THE ALIEN, TOOK THAT SHAPE IN WHICH HE WAS COMFORTABLE WITH TO KILL HIM? He realizes how he had been comparing Spring and Harold to a an alien species portrayed by William Shatner as Mr Spauwk. 3 months into his endless hell, McCoy goes out in his suit then retrieves the body parts of his comrades. He can’t find Pavel’s body but it doesn’t feel right not to make him a grave for him. So he gathers what Pavel prized and buries it for the others in total making three graves. He presides over their graves and delivers monologues and whatever else in what religion they practiced and their own language using their bibles or their holy related items. He leaves the American flag down because he can’t risk being attacked by that face again. By this point, he accepts that he has lost three truly wonderful people. And he may die alone never seeing a human face again.

3 months and six-eight days later, they are near Mars. Grayson is a better dancer in zero gravity.  His budding relationship with Mitch has become a romance. Scotty and Jim are true companions. Scotty sends messages to Romaine and the others on the international space station. Mitch holds random dance hours in free space and it’s so disgustingly cute when it’s with Grayson like no joke. A taller man, being Grayson, holding Mitch in his arms, appearing to enjoy what they are doing. Jim has watched their relationship grow with some help from himself.  Scotty is flattered and doesn’t want to so Grayson brings the dance to him. Scotty rolls an eye as Mitch and Jim are laughing. Scotty is not amused. Scotty fails at chess with Grayson. This time when the station contacts them, the station has good news. The satellite is working again. And warns them about the sand storms. Scotty notices the lumps of graves in left quadrant of the site. Jim is given hope. Harold reasons that McCoy may be dead by now as no one would have been able to survive that long and there is no one left to bury him. Jim is determined to bury his friend’s body if that is the case. Mitch is skeptical someone would be alive. Scotty shares he same skepticism. Eventually, Mitch finds Jim watching their marriage celebretory video. They talk about Carol. How she saw hope for the universe and humanity and science connecting them together reaching their hands out to each other. Mitch talks about Grayson and how they are going to continue their relationship getting back and how he wants Jim to be there at their wedding if Grayson accepts his offer. He is going to ask when they are on Mars. Jim congratulates him. They share a hug.

Scotty meets up with Mitch. Mitch is in a good mood. They drink together as they are getting near Mars. Scotty is prepared for what grim discovery they may find and looks forward to be on Mars. He is thrilled to see how they managed to survive on a barren planet without grassland or oxygen and what kind of storm had kicked up. He is really excited. More excited than the past few months because they are more closer to the planet than before. He admits wanting to find out if Mar’s soil can be used to plant crops. Jim gets another emergency message taped and sent, but this time, it’s baby David Kirk in Captain Pike’s arms. Jim, Grayson, Mitch, and Scotty all dawww at the baby. Jim makes a recording for David, after countless others made during the trip and before the trip but with the boys with him. Because he always felt he wouldn’t be around to hold him. Jim gets choked out telling him how much loves him and how he’ll kill whoever let his baby go go into space so early so god help him. Plus shouldn’t that be illegal? Jim sings happy birthday, with the other men acting as background singers, and he sings like an angel. Eventually, there is a scrap metal attack on the ship. Mitch goes outside to fix the hole. Scotty has to reboot the computer system. The oxygen level is going down and down. The first hole in the ship was repaired by Mitch thanks to Scotty getting hurt. Jim loses conscious after tossing a orange juice bag which is squirted open to find the next hole for Mitch, while Grayson calls him out, “Jim. Jim? Jim. Jim. Jim. Jim. Jim!” as gravity returns. He comes down to Jim’s level and shakes his shoulder. “ Jim Jim Jim Jim Jim Jim Jim Jim.” As his voice gets panicked, terrified if his friend has just suffered asphixeration. Mitch gets the hole filled. Jim regains consciousness. “Jim.” Grayson finally says, relieved. Grayson smiles. Scotty calls Mitch in instead of letting him check the engines because they are getting near the planet and preparing for circular landing. They are in the cockpit when the engines start letting out a good portion of frozen fuel that floats to the rockets. The rockets are ignited. The ship is torn in half. The crew have to leave and take another portion to land. The crew zip on their mars suit attachments with extensive oxygen and with fuel. Scotty is the last to exit after much reluctance leaving the IXS Enterprise. Mitch DECIDES to be the hero who connects the supply module to the tether. He connects the device but his grip is lost due to the rate of speed he is going in space heading past the machinery. Grayson attempts to go after Mitch with his hook. The hook is too short. Grayson goes after Mitch. He is at the point of no return. Grayson shakes his head then unzips his helmet with a smile after telling him how much he cares about Grayson and is very endearing toward Grayson. “I love you, baby.” In order to save Grayson’s life. Grayson calls Mitch out, “Mitch! No, please, no.” He watches Mitch floating corpse in space with a smile and his face now ice. Grayson has a thousand yard stare then turns back as Jim has a horrified expression on his face while Scotty is emptying out the supplies they will not need from the module.

Captain Pike and co see the viewscreen of the Enterprise get lost near mars and presumably burn up. There is confusion in the room with voices and gasps and tears. Pike looks like he has lost all life sitting down into the chair. Pike is devastated for Baby David. Eventually is alarmed about the landing of the module by Ben Sulu. Life returns to Pike as he realizes what Jim had done. Our scene turns to Mars. They find the base. They enter the ship made home by Mars one. Grayson and Jim enter the ship to discover there is oxygen. Jim explores about while Scotty is working on the restoration part to unclog some generators. Jim unzips his helmet as does Grayson who is busy looking round for signs of life. Jim is in the greenhouse and he sees the uneaten one month anniversary treat. He notices the bowl of water which is amazing to him because how can someone get water from this planet? He takes the hair cover off. He feels someone is behind him. He turns around to see a bearded McCoy after him. Jim stops him from killing him by grabbing onto the pickax, “Your name is Leonard Horatio McCoy! We have been friends since middle school! You didn’t tell me you divorced, which hurts a lot, and, I am a father, David was born, and you are reading The Gods of Tev’Mek to your daughter. She is eleven years old waiting for her father to come home.” McCoy steps back lowering the device with tears in his eyes ,“My god Jim, you are real.” He drops the pickax and grabs Jim into a hug, weeping into his shoulder, Jim is relieved to see his friend, alive, again.

“Jim? Jim? Jim?” McCoy hears Grayson’s voice. Which he is not entirely sure is real or not. “Jim.” Minutes later, Grayson joins them. “It is pleasing to see you again, Leonard. I did not suspect your survival to be high.”  McCoy lets go of Jim turning away, “Why you rounded eared mute faker, so did I!”

Grayson raises his eyebrow, “I am not a mute nor am I fake.”

“My delusions of this guy did not say that.” McCoy said. “At least, he is real.”

Jim laughs. “That is true.”

McCoy looks in both directions.

“Where’s Mitch?” McCoy asks, as a long expression grew on Grayson’ s face.

Jim explains to him their trip to get here. Afterwards, McCoy brought them to the grave site and explains his side of the last few months with Scotty behind them. Scotty is impressed with how McCoy has been sticking around. He admires the plants. McCoy laments that Hikaru never got to see him tending to the damn plants. Grayson puts a hand on McCoy’s shoulder sending sympathy by touch with his gloves being unzipped. It all feels alien to McCoy being real and all. Let alone touched that way by Grayson, flinching, concerning the psi-telepath. McCoy then goes on  to show them what he discovered of what came out of the mountain after the awesome power and disaster. It’s a DNA strand. Jim thinks back to when he ate some of Scotty’s M&M’s. He tells them it’s a test. To see if they are human. McCoy points that previous attempt a failure which resulted in the deaths of three people. Grayson corrects him, “Four.”  “ What if it happens again?” Jim insists, “We can’t let their deaths be in vain”.  They have to make a addition to it in the same way the message/test was sent out. Jim insists it will never happen again and they will be the last explorers because Congress won’t like it. Scotty agrees,  “Aye.”  “My months of hell be worthin’ nothin’? I don’t think so.” They sent out the little rover after it.

The side of the face, now completely visible, is opened. Scotty stays behind to start the cockpit. The four manned rover is working thanks in part to Scotty and Grayson. Scotty hugs every single one of them, no arguments, no buts, no BS. Scotty makes himself cry so they get into a group hug around Scotty. Jim, McCoy, and Grayson leave. McCoy decides to tell Jim things he had kept back, some embarrassing stuff and some intimate stuff. “I love you, Jim, all the same. Never stopped lovin’ you.” Jim is so bright eyed he refuses to believe that they are going to die but he has Scotty aware to go if they don’t come back just in case.  They enter the  face. Detect oxygen. Unzip their helmets. Spock takes McCoy’s hand detecting fear from the man and to comfort him and reassure him, telepathically saying, “You are not alone.” They make it into a black room where they encounter a alien race.  A tall woman but male like figure. They learn Mars was struck by an asteroid, “There goes my nuclear war theory.“ McCoy grumbles. The planet was evacuated and everyone goes to a spiral galaxy except for the remaining survivor.

Grayson is in fascination as evolution of life Earth is shown, “Fascinating.” In interest and intrigue.

“This explains so much.” Jim adds.

The presentation ends showing modern day Earth. The alien humanoid looks over toward Grayson then reaches their hand out. Grayson nods in understanding. Jim realizes, they are all aliens. They came from Mars. Jim notes out loud that Carol was right all along. Grayson takes McCoy’s hand, McCoy takes Jim’s hand, and Jim takes the alien’s hand. Jim looks at her in awe and joy better than he was earlier. McCoy experiences utter joy which might be from himself or Grayson at the projection of more Earth like planets so far away yet close to their fingertips in front of them. Grayson has a telepathic conversation  with the alien human, which, he practically begs not to take Jim and instead himself. Himself in his friends place, McCoy needs Jim right now. He quickly relays their story to the alien and then they understand;. Their mind has been made, Grayson will stay.  Jim zips his gloves up and his boots too as they start to leave Grayson. The alien humanoid has vanished. Grayson announces he will not go with them. Jim and McCoy stop then turn toward Grayson. Jim comes to him and talks to Grayson regarding his decision.  Grayson hands the necklace that Mitch gave him to Jim since it should be his. Grayson assures Jim they will meet again, also, explains he does not belong to Earth due to his superior intellect,gift, and psi-positive. He is going where people like him will be welcomed. Jim and Spock share a final hug.

“Jim. . . Jim. . . Jim, I will miss you.” Jim is letting tears out. “It’s just going to be a while. Right?”

“Affirmative.” Grayson nods. “I will make sure of it.”

They end the hug. Jim and Grayson shake hands, exchange fond emotions and caring impressive feelings for each other. Tightly holding hands. It continues for too long, McCoy has to break their make out session  by reminding Jim that he’s on a goddamn planet destroying itself and they need to leave. McCoy and Grayson argue once they are confronting each other. Grayson says, “You are welcome.”

“For what?” McCoy is stumped.

“Not turning you in for euthanizing your father.” Grayson said.

“You are a smug bastard, Harold.”  McCoy said.

“Call me Spock for now.” Spock said.

“All ready ditchin’ yourself?” McCoy asked, sounding hurt. “That was quick.”

“This is a decision I did not make lightly.” Spock said. “I feel more alien than human, Leonard. For that, I cannot be that friend who comforts you. Jim excels at this when I cannot.”

“For a guy who hardly speaks, I see why you hardly do.” McCoy said. “Breakin’ my heart.”

“I cannot have one without the other.” Spock said. “Logically, I cannot have either.”

Grayson finally won an argument with McCoy. Jim has to drag McCoy away as he argues back, “YES. YOU CAN!!!!!!!!!” As he finally understands why Grayson is doing this to him.  To Jim of all people. McCoy needs some healing from those months being alone and Grayson is not the kind to heal around as he barely speaks on Earth. They make it on time before Scotty launches. Scotty is crying both relieved and saddened because Grayson is not with them and he was scared he would have to leave the desert planet alone. He gives the two men bear hugs. There’s a montage of Grayson befriending the three men in high school. Jim all legs and being a small book nerd. McCoy interested in helping others. Mitch interested in being an astronaut. Growing up. Falling in love. Falling out of love. Falling in love again with other people and not making a romantic relationship with them except for Mitch. All the good times in his life with his space family. His parents cheering him on to space, a retired diplomat and teacher. His life flashes before his eyes as the adaptable breathable water covers him entirely. The small face like craft jets out of Mars passing by the shuttle. McCoy looks out the window as Jim wishes him, “Have a good ride, Mr Spock.” Our scene shows the moon then it transitions down a year later at night under the stars where McCoy is in the tree house with Joanna telling her of their story. Joanna misses Grayson. So does McCoy. 

Jim comes out rubbing his hands together, “Dinner is ready!”

“We are comin’,darlin’!” He points in the direction that Grayson went and says,  “That’s his sanctuary home.” Jim goes inside. “One day, you and  David are goin’ to visit there and chew out Mr Spock for missin’ out on your birthday!” while tickling her.

“Stop it!” Joanna laughs.” Daddy!”

“If you say so.” McCoy stops.

Joanna climbs down. McCoy feels gratitude because he is better than he was all those months ago but he still has nightmares and with Jim, they will fade, into the darkness. He has one thing to say, “I miss you too, Harold. You had good intentions.”

McCoy is called by his daughter, “Daddy, dinner!”

“Bones,come inside, it is getting cold!” Jim calls.

And McCoy climbs down replying with, “I am comin’, darlins!” McCoy looks up to see a golden streak passing through the night sky and he slowly smiles, his eyes lighting up, then goes inside the house as the screen goes into space.

THE END.