#I love Minoru for telling Yutaka that he wants to hear anything Yutaka wants to express

[fadelikeclouds]

I love the silences in this episode. No music, no conversation. It feels a bit awkward. But really, we are just waiting for Yutaka to build up enough courage to express himself. Because it takes courage to talk about a painful past.

He hasn’t talked about it to anyone else. He probably never planned on speaking about it to others, so of course doesn’t know how to start or what to say.

So we get this silence, filled with the heaviness of unexpressed pain, but more than that, it’s really an uncertainty. Yutaka is hesitating on the threshold of a different life: one in which he has warm people who care about him, want him in their lives, and love him. Minoru is someone who wants to know more about him, not just to share in his happiness but also understand his pain. Yutaka is no longer stuck in isolation, but that is such a huge shift in his experiences up until now. He wants to go forward, he just doesn’t know how to proceed with that first step: talking about his past.

Especially when he’s not sure why it’s left him with such a scar even though it could be considered something small, “それだけの事”, a comment from his older brother. In his mind, he thinks there’s something wrong with him because even though he was blessed with a “good” life with his adoptive parents he ended up feeling afraid of eating with others and feeling as if he was lacking something.

"For me, there are no memories of a happy dining table, and that really made me feel like I was deficient as a human."

But he works through his hesitant fear and begins his story, hiding behind the drawing of the happy, smiling self he wishes he could have been as a child.

I loved all the details in Inukai’s acting in this scene: how hard he was gripping the drawing while he talked, the pauses in his retelling, the way the words get caught in his throat. There is a lot of pain as he revisits his past, where he had no real home, no welcoming family, and nowhere he felt completely safe and comfortable.

But the reason he can even talk about his past is because his present is so different.

"But then, I met you two, and eating meals together became something I thought of as happy for the first time since I was born."

And that’s the really beautiful thing about this show. Nothing earth shattering happened. Yutaka met the Ueda family. That’s it. And yet, that’s everything. Sometimes all it takes is meeting the right people to melt a heart frozen by fear and anxiety. Even the most mundane life can be filled with life altering miracles when looked at through another perspective.

A simple encounter at the park with an outgoing, cheerful, and hungry child gives Yutaka a family and a home. And the “small” joys of life return to him: the happiness of eating with others, the anticipation for the weekends, the comfort of knowing there is a place where he is wholeheartedly welcomed.

To Yutaka and Minoru just having each other in their lives is healing and joyful.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Hello there 🤗 For the Top 5 of anything bl: We had some steamy bls, some very romantic bls, some bland bls, but I am interested: What were five moments/scenes that made you feel shy this year?

This is a fascinating question, but unfortunately I don't really get shy about my shows, so allow me instead to do

5 Scenes I Feel Like I Should Not Have Been in the Room For

This does NOT mean that I did not want to see it, this does NOT mean I want the scenes to have been cut, but it means that if I were physically present in the scene, these are moments where I would want to leave the room to give them privacy.

Uea telling King about his history of abuse, Bed Friend

Poor Uea has already had us bear witness to some incredibly intense abuse that he did not want to tell anyone about, and here we are now, vouyers to Uea telling King about being molested as a child. This is absolutely one of my favorite scenes in Bed Friend, I do not know how many times I have watched this one scene in particular, but Uea deserves to have this moment for just him and King.

Yai drunkingly reciting poetry to Jom, I Feel You Linger in the Air

This was so incredibly intimate and the moment should belong entirely to Jom and to Yai who is looking at Jom like he hung the moon and stars.

Yutaka falling asleep on Minoru's shoulder, Our Dining Table (Bokura no Shokutaku)

Minoru and Yutaka never get any time alone, I think we should let a quiet moment hang. If I opened a door and found Minoru and Yutaka sitting like this I would close that door as quietly as possible and slip away.

Heart crying on Li Ming's shoulder, Moonlight Chicken

That fight with Heart's parents was brutal and Heart is finally releasing like three years worth of anger and pain, and Li Ming has had to play the go between. Li Ming was forced to be Heart's voice because Heart's parents never learned his language. I know Heart and Li Ming do spend a lot of their time outside of adult supervision, but they deserve a moment completely to themselves here after everything they just went through.

Kiyoi's fight with Hira, Utsukushii Kare 2

gif by @itsallaboutbl

Straight up, point blank, period it was fucking heart wrenching to hear Hira say he wasn't sure he would ever love Kiyoi and to watch Kiyoi just absolutely break down because he loves Hira so much and he's not getting love in return, but worship. Can you imagine how much shittier Kiyoi would feel if he turned around and someone was there to witness this fight? No one should hear this, Kiyoi shouldn't have had to hear that.

ASK ME MY TOP 5 OF ANYTHING BL 2023

[asteroiideae]

okay, so I don’t make these kinds of posts often because tbh I’m a little lazy and very tired like 24/7 lmao but I’ve been seeing a lot of Pride reading lists hit my dash (and they’re excellent, and I save them all!) buuuut reading books is still a roadblock I’m struggling to mentally overcome -- and audiobooks are great, but they take 84 years (sometimes literally???) to get through. so! I thought I’d share a (very tiny) list of the queer manga I’ve read this year that you might enjoy for Pride, with some descriptions/trigger warnings/thoughts to go with them. so here we go in no particular order other than where they sit on my bookshelf:

What Did You Eat Yesterday? by Fumi Yoshinaga

okay so I know I go on about this manga at literally every presented opportunity, but I honestly just can’t help myself??? as a thirty-something queer adult, I really love the quiet maturity of this relationship between Shiro and Kenji; especially when it’s highlighted by references to shenanigans of their youth, and the ways in which they are still growing as both individuals and a couple. I’ve only read the first six volumes but I’m OBSESSED.

Status: Ongoing (17 volumes; 15 translated) Summary: Shiro and Kenji are an established adult couple with separate careers and interests, whose relationship is depicted over the meals cooked for them by Shiro. This doesn’t have an overarching plot, which might be off-putting for some readers; each chapter can be compared to a fanfic one-shot, usually containing it’s own tiny storyline or theme. It’s literally just domestic moments and meals shared between these men. Warnings: While I didn’t personally have a problem with this, younger readers might find some of the dated terms offensive. If you’ve spent any time with older queer folks (older as in 45-50+) this won’t be anything you aren’t used to, but if your experience of queer folx skews younger or online, you might get taken by surprise. There’s also some internalized homophobia; and by some I mean quite a bit. Shiro’s personal arc (at least in the first six volumes) heavily revolves around how much he closets himself and tries desperately to pass as “normal” in Japanese business culture.

Boys Run The Riot by Keito Gaku

holy shit holy shit holy SHIT. this story is so good??? so VERY good??? I was a little cautious, and a little bit uninterested in a story about teens (only because I’m in my thirties and crave more adult representation,) but I was VERY WRONG to be. Boys Run The Riot is beautifully drawn, beautifully written, and probably my favorite work on this list. the mangaka is also trans so the inherent understanding and nuance of our protagonist’s experience is really lovely. Also featuring a fantastic brotp between a trans boy and his new himbo bestie; no seriously if you want a story about a trans boy getting to have good broships with other boys his own age I CANNOT stress this enough. Volume two is releasing next month; I have it preordered. I’m laying on my floor wishing for time to hurry the fuck up. I need more of this smol angry trans boy and his big soft himbo bff. PLS. Status: Ongoing (4 volumes published; 2 translated) Summary: Ryo Watari is a second year high school student who is trans and struggling to feel comfortable with his very rigidly structured life at school, at home, and among his friends (to whom he is not out.) By chance he meets Jin Sato, a cis boy who also feels outcast (often judged for his appearance without any deeper thought.) When Ryo comes out to Jin in a state of frustration, Jin accepts who Ryo is and makes an offer -- why not start a fashion line that subverts all the expectations that have been put on them both; why not express themselves even when they’ve been told they shouldn’t. Warnings: Ryo is struggling with gender dysphoria, and it is written by someone who has probably experienced it, so it might be a little real for any trans folks who deal with that. Also, while neither the narrative nor Jin misgender Ryo (at least, not once he expresses to Jin that he is a man), Ryo is not out to anyone else and so he frequently is misgendered at school and we see how badly that impacts him and the way he views himself and processes his emotions. Ryo spends a lot of time being angry and trying to swallow it down, and that can be very raw to witness at times. There is also a depiction of unsafe binding (though the mangaka has an immediate note about binding safety, and goes further in-depth at the back of the manga.)

Our Dining Table by Mita Ori

okay, so I was a bit on the fence about whether or not I wanted to include this as a rec, but I decided that it might actually been what someone wants or needs, so here it is! while I really enjoyed this concept, and I’m always a sucker for found family stories (let me tell you I’m queer without telling you I’m queer, much?) it feels like this story is a bit rushed at times, and the romantic relationship between our protagonists is very blink and you’ll miss it. I don’t even want to call it subtle so much as it is just not remotely the focus of the story so it’s a little startling when it happens. but! if you’re looking for a story about adults processing grief and trauma together, and learning how to care for another person (and as a result, learning how to care for themselves,) this is a nice read that isn’t too heavy!  Status: Complete (one volume) Summary: Yutaka is a salaryman whose past experiences prevent him from reaching out to others, even through something so simple as sharing a meal. Despite this is REALLY loves to cook, and wishes he had a reason to do it more often. Then he meets Minoru, and his muuuuuch younger brother Tane (it’s like a 17 year age gap between the brothers?) and finds himself teaching them how to cook, and overcoming his fear of eating in front of others. Warnings: Good news, there’s no overt homophobia in this story! Bad news, the other trauma makes up for it! We have a lot of trauma surrounding parental death, childhood bullying, and adoption; in addition to an actual fear of eating in front of others.

Our Dreams at Dusk / Shimanami Tasogare by Yuhki Kamatani

this is the first manga series I collected, and I’m still very pleased about that. the art is ABSOLUTELY stunning? the use of visual imagery and surreal analogies to explain queerness is fucking on POINT. I cried so hard during a couple of these volumes I developed a migraine. I only have one piece of critique on the whole thing (addressed in the warnings,) and I intend to do another re-read when I’m ready for the catharsis of sobbing into my pillow again. Like Boys Run The Riot, Our Dreams at Dusk is drawn and written by a member of the queer community (a non-binary mangaka, this time,) and as a result it hits pretty fucking close to home in a lot of ways. while I really love this series it’s super not for the faint of heart, you WILL come out of this reading experience with some things to unpack. Status: Completed (4 volumes; 4 translated) Summary: We mostly follow Tasuku Kaname, as he is outted at school by a classmate as being homosexual, and his initial despair and subsequent journey of acceptance. In this process, Tasuku finds himself at a drop-in center, which seems to primarily function as a safe space for queer people; we meet several lesbians, an elderly gay man, a trans character, and a young character who isn’t ready for any kind of label because they are still ??? about themselves and their identity. Each of these “secondary” characters is given room to breathe and to work through difficulties of their own while Tasuku watches and learns that even though life is hard sometimes, there’s beauty to be found in one’s own strength. Warnings: hoooo boy; well there’s all kinds of homophobia and transphobia; a character is outted against their will (multiple times), there’s some really insidious transphobia covered by “concern”, there’s internalized homophobia everywhere, and a very complicated asexual character whose presentation left me (as an ace) with super mixed feelings and a lot of frustration (though I wouldn’t call it bad necessarily; just wanted to put that out there for my fellow asexual folks.) If you have read (or go on to read!) any of these, please let me know! I’d love to chat about the stories, and hear your thoughts on them -- because we’re a broad/diverse community and our own experiences shape us differently and give us different insights. <3 ANYWAY, for those of you who read this monstrous self-indulgent post, thank you! Feel free to add any queer manga you’ve been reading below - I’m always on the hunt for more recs!