#I love Karen and whenever I see somebody say she only got worse because of Sean it kind of annoys me

[river-of-wine]

I find it so frustrating when Karen’s worsening issues with alcoholism and her very probable death because of it are solely attributed to Sean’s death.

I love Sean and it’s tragic that so few people really acknowledge his death, but it feels like it’s completely shoving all of Karen’s complexity aside. Karen’s drinking is already concerning in chapter 2 and 3 when Sean is very much alive, and while yes, it does certainly get even worse once he is dead, Karen has more on her mind than just him. In fact, when she is at her absolute worst in chapter 6, Sean has already been dead for a good while. If it was just him, her grief over him, Karen would’ve been in this state a lot sooner, but evidently, there are plenty of other factors at play that should be obvious given the state of the gang and the multiple deaths they have endured since Sean was killed.

Sean’s death certainly affected Karen, she is one of very few people to say anything about his loss after he is gone and she is in a bad way in chapter 4, but to say she drank herself to death entirely because of his loss is just blatantly ignoring the rest of who Karen is. Her other struggles, her other relationships, the other events that impact her, the fact that her addiction is not exclusively hinged on one man. Karen is her own person, she has her own role in the story, and she is more than whatever you want to view her relationship with Sean as

[buckleyirondad]

our mistakes (they were bound to be made)

Christopher and Denny have to work together after Buck is knocked unconscious, while they're playing a game of hide and go seek.

Christopher Diaz Week, Day 6: Chris and the Firefam Kids + “It’ll be fine. I think.”

Read on AO3

Denny’s house was a maze, so meant it was the best place for hide and go seek.

Christopher was knelt behind the couch, covering his eyes with his hands, counting to twenty while Denny and Buck went to hide.

He bounced onto his feet, throwing his hands up into the air, “I’m coming!”

“Wait!” Buck’s squeaked, darting past, “I wasn’t ready!”

Christopher turned his head, rolling his eyes, “Buck!” He shook his head, “You’re out!”

Buck ignored the rules, running towards the dinner table.

Christopher opened his eyes wide, when he noticed that Denny’s electronic toy police car was in the middle of the floor and Buck was about to stand on it, “Buck, look out—”

Buck’s left foot trampled the car and the wheels slipped under it, which sent Buck falling backward, arms flying out as he yelled, he hit the floor with a loud crash.

“Buck!” Christopher shouted, he ran over, making his voice louder, “Buck!”

Buck’s eyes were closed. That was bad. He must have hit his head pretty hard.

It wasn’t like when Buck fainted in the garden at his party. That time, the adults were there to help, but now, there was no Dad, or Auntie Hen, or Uncle Chimney to save the day.

Buck only had Christopher and Denny, he was spending the whole day with them, while Christopher’s Dad and Hen worked extra shifts at the firehouse.

Christopher got onto his knees, poking Buck’s shoulder, “Buck?” He was scared, like when he couldn’t find Buck after he fell off the firetruck during the tsunami, and he thought he would lose him, like he lost his mom, “Buck?!” He grabbed his arm, shaking it, “You gotta wake up!”

Paisley skipped over, barking as she went, she stopped, nudging her face against Buck’s arm. When he didn’t move, she barked louder.

Christopher shouted as loud as he could, “Denny!” He kept rocking Buck’s arm, “Denny, we’re not playing anymore!”

There was noise upstairs as a door was opened, “What?” Denny called, “Why?”

“Buck fell over!”

Denny appeared, standing at the top of the stairs, “Oh—” He ran down quickly, eyes open super wide.

“He’s hurt.” Christopher scrunched his nose, he pointed, “He tripped on the police car.”

Tears were in Denny’s eyes and his chin was wobbling, “I left it out, I didn’t—”

Christopher remembered something his dad said once when he stubbed his toe on Christopher’s toy box, “It was an accident.” He told him, “It won’t happen again.”

“Okay—" Denny wiped his arm over his eyes, “We need to get help.” He stepped closer, “He’s not up, and that’s not good—that could be, um, a concussion, I think, that’s what Mom says it’s called.”

Christopher had heard the word before but wasn’t sure what it meant, “We should phone 911.”

“Umm…” Denny nodded, “Buck put his cell phone on charge, I’ll get that—” He ran into the kitchen, and then returned with Buck’s cell, “I’ve never done it before.”

“I have.” Christopher held up his hand, taking the phone, “When my Abuela fell over.”

Paisley licked Buck’s face, “Paisley…” Denny knelt by her, stroking her fur, “Don’t do that.” Paisley listened, laying her chin on Buck’s arm, almost like she was a guard dog.

Christopher pressed the emergency button on Buck’s phone, dialing 911, he placed the cell near his ear and waited for somebody to pick it up.

Denny reached out, squeezing Buck’s hand.

Something warm spread over Christopher’s chest when May answered the call with, “911, what’s your emergency?”

“May?”

“Christopher?” She sounded worried, “What’s going on? Are you hurt?”

“No,” He hiccupped, “I’m at Denny’s house, Buck is taking care of us, but he won’t wake up.”

“Who won’t wake up?” She asked, “Denny or Buck?”

“Buck.” He sniffled his nose, “He tripped over a toy car and hit his head.”

“Okay…” He could hear her typing, “Is anybody else there? Is Harry with you?”

“No, it’s just us,” Christopher shook his head, “Harry is coming over later.”  

“Okay.”

Denny squeaked, getting up on his knees, “Chris—”

Christopher lifted his head, clutching onto the phone, that’s when he saw what Denny could.

Buck was opening his eyes.

“He’s awake!” Christopher pushed his arm, “Buck, you okay?”

Buck’s blinked slowly, gasping out in pain, “Uh—Chris?” His voice sounded funny, “Den—”

Denny put his hand on Buck’s shoulder, “Mom said you shouldn’t move when you hurt yourself really bad,” He told him, “You could make it worse.”

Buck’s face crumpled up, “Okay.”

“Chris.” May called through, “You still there?”

“He woke up, but he sounds weird,” Christopher blinked tears out of his eyes, “I think he’s hurt bad.”

“He’ll be okay, Chris, and I’ll stay on the phone until help arrives,” She told him, “Your dad and Auntie Hen are already on their way with the team.”

Christopher could hear his heart in his ears, “Dad’s coming?”

“Yeah.”

Denny held up his head, “Is my mom gonna come?”

Christopher nodded.

Tears ran down Denny’s cheeks, “My moms are gonna be so mad at me!”

“Chris—” May spoke, “What’s happening?”

“Denny’s scared—” Christopher got up onto his feet, “But it’s okay, he’s got me.” He sat by Denny, wrapping an arm around his back, “It’ll be fine.” He whispered to his friend, hugging him, “I think.”

Denny’s shoulders moved, up and down, “I didn’t mean to hurt Buck.”

“It was an accident,” Christopher reminded him, “Your moms will know that, and we won’t ever leave toys out again.”

Denny nodded, “We won’t.”

“The team is one minute away, Chris,” May told him, “Do you think one of you can open the door?”

“Denny—” Christopher hiccupped, “Can you open the door?”

“Yep!” Denny got up onto his feet, Paisley followed, barking as she went, “Paisley—” Denny picked her up into his arms, and then opened the door, “You can’t go out there.”

The sirens of the truck and ambulance come from outside.

Denny jumped, running back over, “They’re here!”

“Who—” This time, Buck’s eyes were open properly, “Christopher?” He lifted his head a little, “Ow.”

“You fell over,” Christopher squeezed his hand, “But it’s okay.”

May asked, “Are the team there yet?”

Buck’s eyes found the phone.

“They’re coming in,” Christopher told May, “And Buck’s awake.”

“Good.” May sounded relieved, “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Bye, May!”

***

Hen sped over to close the back doors to the ambulance as Chimney jumped into the passenger’s seat at the front. It had been a day of medical and nonsense calls, Hen thought that maybe somebody had jinxed them, but she didn’t say anything to her partner, Chimney had a history of overreacting.

She watched as Eddie pulled open the engine door, he looked bored out of his mind, but that was what happened whenever they worked a shift without Buck; Eddie looked as enthusiastic as a sad puppy.

“Wait—” Bobby held up his arm, clenching his fist to halt what they were doing.

Hen stopped, while Chimney poked out his head, and Eddie froze, one foot through the door, “What is it?” He asked, noticing the same fear in the captain’s eyes that Hen did.

“I spoke with dispatch,” Bobby kept his voice calm, “It was May, and um, the call was from Christopher.”

Eddie’s eyes were saucers, as he stammered, “I don’t—”

Protocol flew out of Hen’s head, “Is Denny okay?” She asked panicked, “Is—”

Bobby cut her off, “It’s Buck.” Panic had gripped him tight, but Hen could understand that Buck was his kid, at the end of the day, “He was knocked unconscious and according to the boys, he’s speaking gibberish.”

“Okay—” Hen calmed her breathing, “We better go, he could have a concussion.” She cast her eyes on Eddie as she headed to the front of the ambulance, he sent a nod her way as he clambered into the engine with shaking hands.

Hen trusted Buck with her Denny, with her house and dog, as much as everybody else, so whatever this was, it wouldn’t change that, because accidents did happen, but it didn’t stop panic from settling on her chest, trying to work out what could have happened.

It was meant to her mom who took care of the kids, but she’d gone to rekindle a friendship with an old friend, Buck jumped at the chance to help.

“I’ll drive—” Chimney climbed over the controls, taking the driver’s seat as Hen climbed into the passenger seat, “You okay?”

Hen nodded as he drove out of the station, “Just thinking.”

“It’s Buck,” Chimney reassured her, “He’ll be fine.”

Hen started second-guessing herself, wondering if either she or Karen left any shoes hanging around on the floor, that could have sent Buck flying. Maybe it was that damn carpet in the living room that they all kept tripping over, Buck could have caught that at the wrong angle and hit his head off the coffee table.

She clenched her fists, fear shooting up her spine. She could only imagine how Denny and Christopher were feeling, they were young, probably terrified, but confident enough to make a 911 call, that pride from that spread across her chest like wildfire.

She wished that she was in the engine with Eddie; to reassure him, tell him that everything was going to be okay, as much as they all loved Buck, Eddie was his boyfriend, they worked together brilliantly, but whenever one was hurt, the other was stuck in overdrive.

He had Buck and Christopher to worry about, fret over what could have done wrong if the boys would be able to move on from what happened.

Pulling up onto her own road, parking outside her house, was the strangest sensation and Hen felt unwelcomed by her neighborhood.

“We’ve got this, Hen,” Chimney opened the door, hopping out, as Hen spun, opening hers with a trembling hand, jumping onto the sidewalk below, which felt soft like carpet, under her feet.

Eddie moved over, slowly, without the confidence he usually had.

“Hey.” Hen caught his wrist, squeezing his hand, “It’ll be okay.”

The front door was open.

Bobby cleared his throat, holding up a bravado as he headed up the porch stairs, “Boys?”

Making it inside, reality didn’t crash around Hen, until Denny sprung up, wrapping himself around her with a loud exclaim, “Mom!”

“Hey….” She released Eddie’s hand, wrapping an arm around her son, “We’re here now, baby.”

Chimney’s voice was soft, “Hey Buckaroo.”

Hen lifted her head, eyes wide.

Buck was sitting, laid heavy against the wall, with Christopher, knelt beside him, holding his hand.  

“I told him not to move,” Denny said, “But he said he could.”

“Buck should know better,” Chimney shined the torch in Buck’s eyes, “Right?”

“I just hit my head,” Buck slurred, “Not too bad.”

“Sure…” Chimney teased, reaching behind the check for a lump, “Well, at least it’s not bleeding.”

Eddie didn’t say a word as he stepped over, crouching in front of them, “Hey.” He managed to say, smiling at them, “How we doing?”

Buck sighed softly, “We’re great.”

Christopher blurted, “I called 911!”

“Great job, buddy,” Eddie praised, ruffling Christopher’s hair with the palm of his hand.

Bobby bent down, eyes scanning Buck for further injury.

“Oh, hey Cap,” Buck smiled, “Sorry.”

“Accidents happen, Buck,” Bobby reassured him, “Just a shame it’s you.”

Hen chuckled, “Again.”

“So, what happened?” Chimney asked, checking Buck’s pulse, “Do you know how long you were out?”

“Umm, not long,” Buck scrunched his nose, “A few minutes, maybe.”

“You’re gonna need—”

“To go to the hospital,” Buck sighed heavily, “I know.”

“Athena is right,” Bobby crossed his arms, “We do need to wrap you in bubble wrap.”

“Ha.” Buck chuckled, “Maybe.”

Denny clamped his hand around Hen’s, not saying a word, “Hey, sweetheart.” She sang, “You’re being uncharacteristically quiet.”

“Denny’s scared.” Christopher spoke up, “That you’ll be mad.”

“Umm…” Hen was caught off guard, “Mad?”

“You can’t be mad,” Christopher told her, “It was an accident.”

The clogs in Hen’s brain were working overtime, trying to figure out what was happening.

“I tripped over the toy police car,” Buck explained, “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

“Oh…” Hen understood, “That’s—”

“I’m sorry, Mom!” Denny exclaimed, “I won’t do it again.”

Hen didn’t have the confidence or time to be angry, “It won’t.” She used her calmest “mom” tone, gripping onto her son’s hand, “Buck’s gonna be okay.”

Christopher got up onto his feet, moving over, “Told you it’d be fine.” Denny moved forward, enveloping his friend in a hug.

Michael’s voice filled the room, “What the hell happened here?”

Hen turned on her heel, to find a concern Michael and confused Harry, hovering by the front door.

Bobby clapped his hands together, “Buck here, took a quite the tumble,” He pressed his hand to Buck’s shoulder, “But the boys saved the day.”

“Of course, they did,” Michael crossed his arms, “You doing okay, Buck?”

Buck waved his hand out, “Oh, I’m fine.”

Everybody rolled their eyes.

“Sorry, boys,” Buck said, darting his eyes from Christopher, to Denny, and Harry, “I was gonna take you to the carnival.”

“That’s fine, we can go another time,” Harry stepped inside, “We won’t go without you.”

Michael smiled fondly, eyes on his son.

“Well,” Hen pressed her hands on Denny and Christopher’s heads, “I think these two deserve a pizza.”

“I was going to meet David for lunch,” Michael said, “But I’m sure we’d be happy to welcome some guests.”

Eddie tilted his head, “You sure?”

Hen stuttered, “Yeah, we could—”

“Of course,” Michael held up his hands, “These two are the heroes of the hour.”

“That’s so cool!” Harry skipped over, hugging Denny’s other side, wrapping an arm back, holding onto Christopher’s shoulder, whispering, “You’re awesome.”

“Now,” A mischievous grin grew across Michael’s face, “Has anybody called Athena?”

Buck groaned, resting his head against Bobby’s shoulder as he squeezed his eyes closed.

“Oh,” Hen clapped, “Mama bear is going to come out.”

Bobby hummed, “I wonder if May’s called her.”

Buck blinked slowly, “May?”

“She took the 911 call.”

“Oh,” Hen laughed, “Small world.” She smiled, looking over to Eddie, who was fuzzing over Buck while simultaneously keeping an eye on Christopher.

Watching Denny, Harry, and Christopher, rock side-to-side, in their hug, the panic pushing against Hen’s chest, fell away.

[vanillasakura]

IT’S FINALLY HERE <3

I first got into Red Dead around late July or so when I watched my friend and her dad speedrun the game, and one of the first things I came across for this fandom was Sapphic Week, so I’m very very happy to be able to contribute this year, especially as I’d be lying if I said the lovely ladies in this game weren’t the main reason I initially got into it and ended up buying it for myself.

Once again, a HUGE shoutout to @rdrsapphicships and Aldrig for hosting this event! I’m so excited to see what everyone creates <3 Without further ado, let’s get into it!

RDRSW21 Day 1: Music 

Title: Close Your Eyes (As it Eats at Us)

Words: 1857

Pairing: Abigail Roberts/Molly O’Shea

Warnings/Notes: Slight John bashing I’m sorry but this takes place early chapter 2 so... slightly warranted 

(Title from Close Your Eyes by The Midnight Club)

ao3 link

  ≿━━━━━━━━━━༺❀━━━━━━━━━━≾

Don't you know, when your eyes are closed, you see the world from the clouds along with everybody else?

Indeed, Molly was on her own much of the time. Dutch could only afford her so much attention, and when he was away from camp or otherwise occupied, there wasn’t anybody who really came up to her on their own will. Not exactly like she could blame them, Molly wasn’t the easiest person to get along with. Growing up, she’d always assumed otherwise, but after seeing how Karen and Tilly had told her to stop coming up to them and “being a bitch for no good reason”, she began to wonder if everyone back home was nice to her because they had to be. Even if Molly herself wasn’t a picture-perfect example of politeness, being anything but an angel to the O’Shea daughter could have been considered blasphemy. 

It was lonely, terribly so, but Molly wasn’t quite sure what she could do to remedy the situation. She wrote poetry, she read books, she went on walks in circles around camp, she looked out over the valley (Horseshoe Overlook really hadn’t gotten its name from nowhere), but more than anything, Molly watched.

She watched how Reverend had gradually stopped bothering pretending to read the bible, instead choosing to start downing drinks earlier and earlier. She watched how Bill devoured Kieran with his eyes, all but confirming her suspicion that the man did indeed want to bed the new camp member. She watched how Karen would clench her jaw when Mary-Beth asked how things were going with Sean, but would then take his hand later and pull him out of camp, the pair slipping away to either do each other or to do nothing at all. She watched how Arthur hadn’t bothered to take down the photo of the woman who did nothing but cause him pain even after Hosea had told him to do so, instead still glancing at it longingly every now and again while he cleaned his guns in his tent. She watched Josiah practice speaking in all sorts of different accents on the outskirts of camp, correcting himself out loud whenever something wasn’t quite right. She watched how Jack would try and weave flower crowns for his mother, small hands shaking as he attempted to tie the stems of various blooms together, putting the ones he had broken too short or knocked a petal off of in a pile to his left. She watched how John admitted to Javier and Pearson that, if he could, he would kill Abigail and never think twice about it. 

The comment shouldn’t have startled Molly as much as it did. She knew that John was a good man deep down, but the way that he uttered the confession without so much as a second thought as to if what he was saying was okay made her sick. Abigail was nothing if not kind, hard-working, and strong, nothing like the type of woman you would imagine deserved those kinds of threats. What made John that angry at her, Molly didn’t know, and she wasn’t quite sure that she cared to. 

After that night, Molly didn’t just stop watching. She’d heard people say worse things, many times, but there was something about the raw earnesty in which John had spoken that made his words haunt Molly like nothing else had. She decided to start watching Abigail more, justifying it by telling herself that it was for the other woman’s safety, even though realistically, there wasn’t much protection that Molly could offer her. 

And one of the first things that Molly noticed as she began watching Abigail was that the woman could sing. 

Abigail had this habit, whenever she was sitting in her tent on her own while working on something that needed to be done, where she would hum a tune, letting her own voice pop in here and there with the words that she knew. It was an uncoordinated affair, but it was never intended to be anything but. 

It was also adorable.

So adorable, in fact, that Molly decided that maybe she didn’t just need to watch anymore, maybe she could actually go and sit with Abigail. After all, much like her, Abigail was alone, more often than not. What harm could come of it?

“You need any help?” Abigail looked up from her work, pausing her humming as Molly stood by her, close, but not so much so as to suffocate the other woman. 

“Didn’t know you offered that.” Abigail responded, expression unreadable. 

“Hasn’t been something I’ve extended before.”

“With all due respect, Miss O’Shea, I don’t need anyone’s help if they only do so because they take pity on me, especially someone who ‘isn’t anyone’s servant girl’.” Abigail’s eyes turned cold, her brow furrowed, and Molly felt anxiety beginning to set in. 

“That wasn’t my intention whatsoever, I just…” she trailed off, and Abigail cocked her head, “I just don’t want to be alone. Is it okay if I enjoy your company? Just for a short while.”

Abigail sighed, chewing on her lip. “I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t know that feelin’ all too well. Truth be told, you’re the first person who’s come up to me in weeks.”

“I have no idea why that is, though.” Molly picked a sock out of the basket by Abigail’s feet, grabbing a needle and some thread along with it. “You’re such a nice person, it truly is a shame that others don’t recognize it.”

“ ‘Nice person’? Miss O’Shea, you hardly know me.” 

Molly felt the same dreadful wave of anxiety begin to rise inside of her again. “I may not have talked to you much in the past, but I’ve watched.”

“Watched? Me?”

“I watch everybody.” Molly admitted, stabbing the cotton with her needle. “Although I must confess, I do enjoy watching you. I know that isn’t exactly polite, though.”

“You’re right in that it ain’t, but I suppose I’m a hypocrite, so what does my opinion really matter?”

“You, a hypocrite? How so?”

“Gets lonely when nobody comes up to make conversation. Sometimes, you’ve gotta get your fix by watching others.” Abigail laughed. “You never really feel like a part of the group, but it can help alleviate the pain sometimes.” 

“Have you ever seen how Karen and Sean sneak off all the time?” Molly asked. “Lord only can imagine what shenanigans they get up to.”

“If I know either of them, they’re probably finding some tree to fuck up against.” Abigail said, a smile appearing on her face. “Although, on second thought, maybe not, given what happened at his welcome party.”

“At the welcome party? I guess you must have seen something I didn’t. Mind sharing?” Molly asked, her interest thoroughly peaked. 

Abigail snorted. “Well, you saw how the two of them were all over each other that night, right?”

“Would’ve had to be blind as a bat to not have.” 

“Well,” Abigail continued, “at some point, I saw the two of them go into John’s tent, and given my proximity to them, it wasn’t hard to hear what was bein’ said and fill in the gaps.”

“So they slept together at the party? Can’t say that I’m quite surprised.” Molly tied up the thread as she reached the end of the tear, reaching for a handkerchief to work on next. 

“They sure did, but that ain’t the good part.” Molly watched as Abigail’s eyes laughed, full of a mischief that she had never seen present before in her usually quiet companion. “Sean has got to be the quickest quick shot I’ve ever seen, and given my history, that’s sayin’ somethin’.”

“No.” Molly covered up her mouth, stifling a laugh. 

“Yes! Poor Karen never even got hers, it had to have been the most pathetic thirty seconds in her entire life.” Abigail smiled, and Molly’s heart twitched. Why?

“Thirty seconds? Wow, if that’s so, then maybe they aren’t all over each other when they go out, and you’re right.” 

Abigail laughed, smiling at Molly. “Well, who’s to say, I’m not sure there even is such a thing as a constant when those two are involved.”

“You may be right there.” Molly puffed one of her cheeks out, trying her best to figure out what to bring up next. She was having a lot of fun, she should do this more often, especially as Abigail also seemed to appreciate the time they were spending together. “Okay, now is it just me, or does Bill look at Kieran a little too often for it to be considered friendly?”

“Oh, it’s not just you, no worries. I’m just a little surprised that out of everyone, he decided to be sweet on Kieran.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I mean, he’s nothing like the kind of men Bill’s been sweet on in the past.”

Molly stopped in her tracks. “Wait, you’ve known about Bill before this?” 

“Yeah, it ain’t that hard to figure it out if you know what to look for.” Unable to gauge Molly’s reaction, Abigail continued on. “I mean, I don’t have a problem with it, whatever makes you happy makes you happy, y’know? And if that means lovin’ somebody of the same sex, I sure as hell don’t see a problem with it.”

“We’re in agreement there.” Molly smiled, going back to her work, her heart beat now more palpable. “I mean, as nice as it can be to see everyone here fall in love-”

“Or lust.” Abigail interjected, a smirk on her face.

“Or lust, that’s true-- I still think that my favorite person to observe is you.”

“Hm? And why is that?” Abigail still had that smirk on her face, raising an eyebrow. “What about me is so interesting that you’d prefer to watch me than whatever the latest addition to the Sean and Karen saga is?”

“I, uh,” Molly flushed, suddenly aware of what she was saying and how weird it could be considered. “I just, I like watching you hum and sing whenever you work. Something about it is just, I dunno, very relaxing.”

Abigail clicked her tongue. “You really do notice a lot, huh?”

“Yeah.” Molly replied sheepishly.

“I guess it’s only fair that I tell you that I find watching you write poetry is quite calming.”

“You saw me doing that?” 

“How could I not? Both of us do a lot of watching and thinking, we’re both very similar in that regard.” she said, unbothered by Molly’s embarrassment. 

“I’m… glad, you can find comfort in something that I do.” Molly settled on. 

“The more we talk, the more I’m beginning to think that I just find comfort in you. Somethin’ about you just makes you easy for me to talk to.” Abigail smiled. 

“The same goes for you.” Molly sighed, nibbling on her lip. “We should do this more often. I’m having a good time.”

“So am I.” Abigail agreed. “It’s much better to be with you than to be alone.”

“It really is.” Molly shifted a bit, turning more towards Abigail. Maybe working wasn’t so bad after all.

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

I have ptsd back pain and pain in my right shoulder whenever I'm reminded of the painful moments, out of body experiences where JA hurt me while being vulnerable sexually, emotionally, mentally. I hate that it's close to the spot where my back sprained from falling backwards and catching myself on the steps that night from that fight with mom. Jay hit me with that umbrella higher than that spot, and now they're connected.

Even the times they abandoned me and left me on read, blocked me for months and I had to deal with hallucinations and insomnia, as if jaiden (their little alter identity) would come into my room in the middle of the night to help me sleep. I knew something had to be wrong for all this to come after being heart broken and treated so badly. The emotional abuse and the sexual abuse of boundaries and respect, the being made fun of, pulled back in to be used, then just leaving me again for somebody uglier and meaner than me.

These idiots have no idea and they don't care. And I wish I could pass all that unwanted ptsd back pain, stress, and reminders and memories that I have so they would know exactly how it feels to be the one they tortured for so long, on and off, going back and forth making me the bad guy to when I would pop off cause I had enough of being treated like shit. Like no normal human being with emotions wouldn't have tried to kick both of their asses either. And I'm sick of my dad looking at me crazy that I'm still upset about a bitch that broke my heart, took my money, and gave more to the dumb fat, ugly, rude bitch they were escaping from and cheating on.

I wish they knew how it feels to come home after a long day of work only to find yourself uncontrollable breathing, shaking, paranoid, sad, angry, frustrated, having a panic attack because some other bitch reminded me of them on tinder, so now I can't even dare date any new girls to move on from them.

My trust issues and intimacy scars are still there, strong in fold because of Jay and Ayunna. And I want consequences for both. I want them charged, fucked up in the face, beat till they can't fucking breathe, beat in the same spots in my back and my chest the exact same spots I feel those ptsd burns and pains.

I want them to burn just like they did me.

And it's stupid and senseless how they think they should even be claimed the victim and charge me with harassment to where I could go to jail and I didn't even touch them. I sent texts. So you're telling me my words hurt you that bad, you felt that threatened like a scared little fucking Karen, to get the cops called on me to take me to jail over some fucking texts?

Are you out of your fucking mind??? And you did even more worse shit to me??!! Bitch I can have yo ass go to jail for fraud, stealing money, and clothes from Walmart, and sexual assault, and fucking battery for punching me in my fucking leg because you thought it was funny. You had the audacity to ask me for my bank account numbers when I was drunk to where I couldn't even walk straight, same way you did when you hit me on my back when I could barely walk because you dares me to get high off of the whole blunt, you didn't care. Couldn't even defend myself because I was cross high...and you didn't even ask me for permission on some stupid bdsm shit.

Fucking hate yo black ass and the bitch that you with, still enabling you. Making me think I'm paranoid because I said I'm scared and I wanna leave. Yall made me think everything I did was wrong, and yall were entitled to gaslight me, humiliate me, and guilt trip into saying sorry for my reactions to being miserable and being mistreated, for even just walking out on yall when yall didn't even deserve shit from me.

Yall just wanted to control me, control my self esteem, control how I thought and how I felt about yall, just so you could torture me more for your stupid, sadistic, abusive sex toy, sex slave game. And I'm through with it. I hope the next bitch is smarter enough to catch on quicker and throw yall in jail, call the cops on yall. Let's see how you like being abused like that in there, you wouldn't like it if somebody did it to you, but you still do it to other people, then want to tag team the victim as if I'm in the wrong for being in pain. The pain that you started and brought up, cause yall got shit to deal with. Yo own daddy beat you till you got a cracked skull, so now you think its ok to beat me, because you still hurt by him?

LOOK IN THE FUCKING MIRROR JOCELYN YOU DOING IT JUST LIKE HIM!

FOLLOW IN YOUR DADDY FOOTSTEPS AND SEE WHERE IT GETS YOU.

I DONT CARE ABOUT THAT DUMB BITCH IN THE WHEELCHAIR THAT WHOOPED YO ASS TOO. SOUND LIKE YOU NEED TO HEAL FROM ALL THOSE FUCKING DEMONS INSTEAD TAKING ADVANTAGE OF GIRLS JUST LIKE ME AND THE OLD YOU.

YOU SUCK AT REDEEMING YOURSELF AND HAVE THE BALLS TO POINT THE FINGER AT ME WHEN I DIDN'T DO NOTHING BUT USE MY WORDS.

YOU THE BITCH THAT LIKE PUTTING YOUR HANDS ON WOMEN, CALLING US BITCHES, AND SLUTS, AND DEGRADING THEM JUST BECAUSE "oH iM tRaNs. I dOnT hAvE tO respect women."

You think you can push us around, tell us to bend over so you can penetrate us dry till we bleed, because you don't give a fuck about pleasing women either as a partner. No wonder ayunna asked me to fuck her. You don't like giving head, foreplay, boobs, none of that shit, but just torture it. Torture all of it.

You don't know how to be intimate, only abuse them and make fun of them. You're a tormenter and you'll always be like that. You don't even know how to make love to your soon to be wife, and it's been 2yrs and yall still engaged...the fuck who waits that long to be engaged and still sleeping with other ppl separately. Yall stupid, ignorant asses. Don't know nothing about sex, pleasing a woman, and making love.

No wonder yall separating everything. Even bought your own cats individually. Don't even know how to share or cooperate with other ppl. So damn controlling, you want other people to follow your damn orders with no input, no compromise. Like a fucking tyrant. It's your highway to hell. Lie in it. Die in it. I don't care. But trust, I will beat yo ass like you stole something the next time I see you and that dumb hoe you with. Cause she stupid too. Still letting you get a hall pass, when you can't even follow the rules you agreed to follow with her. You stupid cheating ass. Yall ain't shit.

[marvinswriting]

Jason

hey, you guys remember jason from the movie? the one gretchen hooked up with but he didn't actually care about her? yeah :) ALSO REGINA POV?!?!? tw: bullying, suffocation, manipulation, shane omen mention g/t mean girls

I wasn't controlling.

Well- let me rephrase that.

There were rules for being plastic. I made sure Karen and Gretchen followed those rules. That wasn't controlling. Just, guidelines. They're rules in place to help the other plastics. Dress codes, what clubs you can and can't join, you can't buy a dress without the others approval, don't date your friend's exes-

but totally new boys were fair game. 

So before you ask, no, that's not why I'm against Gretchen dating Jason. 

On surface level, Jason seemed like a nice guy.

But he constantly blew off Gretchen, he flirted with other girls, and overall was totally using her.

And that's not even getting into how he treats tinies.

That's right.

Jason is a two-faced fucking asshole.

And none of the giants can see it.

I mean- I'm sure they're suspicious. I know Damian notices when Janis stiffens the second Jason walks in the room. And, Cady has probably picked up on the way Aaron gets quiet. If Gretchen has caught on to anything, she totally ignores it. I mean- Janis, Aaron, and I tried telling our friends in the begging. Gretchen didn't want to hear it. She's got a huge crush on the guy and totally ignores all red flags. 

So we gave up getting through to her. 

Besides, who would believe us? Jason was so sweet whenever our giants were around.

I guess when we collectively decided we couldn't get through to Gretchen- all the other giants were a lost cause too. And that was months ago. We're in too deep now.

"Allow me to take it back to the drawing board and suggest the best idea we've had since day one," Janis huffed. We were in an empty hallway after school for 'english help'. We've been staying after a lot more recently. 

It's been getting worse.

Jason isn't trying to be sneaky anymore. He'll pick up Aaron without asking, conveniently drop his textbook on the cafeteria table right next to Janis, wrap his arm around Gretchen when I'm on her shoulder. 

Yet nobody has caught on.

Janis continued. "Why don't we just tell our giants what he's doing?"

"Because Gretchen won't listen to me."

"Good thing there's three other friends." Janis points out.

I rolled my eyes, waving my hand dismissively. Of course, Janis didn't understand how it felt not to have her giant listen to her. Her and Damian practically share a mind, if anything it's a shock he hasn't started asking questions. "Fine, if you know what's best for everyone, go talk to Damian. I'm sure you two will solve everything with your buddy buddy perfect communication skills. Janis has a giant who actually listens to her! Wow! You don't have to rub it in." I cross my arms over my chest, leaning back against the wall.

Aaron blinks, his gaze bouncing between both of us nervously.

"I wasn't-" Janis pauses, letting her hands fold in her lap. "I wasn't rubbing anything in. Listen- Regina, I'm sorry Gretchen won't listen. Truly. I'm being genuine right now. But don't make me feel guilty for trying to come up with a solution to something affecting all three of us."

"Right," I mumble, guilt rising in my stomach. "Sorry. I just-"

My voice trails off but neither Janis nor Aaron push for me to continue talking. Gretchen was somebody I could always trust to be there and listen to me. Now she didn’t. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to make her listen. We're silent for a while while I regroup my emotions, not wanting to snap for no reason again. 

"I have tried talking to Gretchen recently."

"And how did it go?" Aaron prompted.

"Well, it fucking went." I shrug. "Gretchen isn't used to having boys like her. I love her but crushes directed to her don't happen often. So of course she accused me of being jealous a boy finally liked her and not me."

"Maybe it had to do with how you worded it?" Janis suggests.

"Well, how else do I word 'hey maybe you should break up with the boy you're not even officially dating yet because he's toxic, a cheater, not actually in love with you, also harassing your tiny friends'?"

"Literally any way but that." Janis mumbled.

I shrug again, pulling out my phone. "Well, I did my best. You know emotions aren't my thing." I want to cry a little just thinking about the talk last week. But I don't. Crying won't fix anything. 

"Regina, why can't you be happy that a boy likes me for once?! I know you're used to all the boys falling head over heels for you, but this is the first time a cute boy has put in the effort to care and call back and-"

"But he doesn't, Gretchen! He doesn't call back. He. Doesn't. Care! I'm doing this for you because nobody else is gonna tell you. Jason is bad news. He doesn't care about you, or Karen, or Cady, or Damian, and he really doesn't give a shit about Janis, Aaron, or I!"

"Just let me be happy, Regina." Gretchen says dismissively, ignoring everything I just said.

There's a hand on my shoulder, jolting me out of my thoughts. Aaron looks at me worriedly but retreats his arm. "Gina, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just-" I wipe away a strand of hair that's been matted to my face by tears. Wait-

-tears?

I use my sleeve to dry my face quickly. I didn't even realize I started crying. I was just so tired. I was supposed to feel safe around my friends. Even when the rest of the school sees me as an emotionless bitch I should be able to turn to my friends and be okay. I couldn't do what when my current number one source of fear has intruded into our group.

"So," Janis says awkwardly. "We don't tell our giants directly. How do we get them to see the side of Jason we're seeing?"

"We catch him in the act." Aaron suggests.

Janis shakes her head with a sigh. "I am tired and quite frankly sick. I don't want our plan 'a' to be; lets put ourselves in danger in hopes that our friends stop by to witness. Let's make that plan 'y' or 'z'."

"Well, we already have plans 'b' through 'z'. We need and 'a', I'm just spouting ideas." Aaron points out.

Janis sighs, shaking her head. "I should have stuck with Damian. I need a nap and maybe an Advil."

I chuckled dryly at the girl sitting across from me. "Always have your priorities sorted, huh Janis?"

"If my priorities include being sick and not wanting to deal with Jason ever again then yeah."

"It's getting harder and harder 'not to deal with Jason ever again'," Aaron pointed out. "Remember lunch last week?"

"Don't remind me." Janis huffed. 

Last week Jason decided to be a lot more careless with how he treated us around our giant friends. 

I cringe just thinking of the memory.

"All I'm saying is the tiny soccer team is so underfunded. We're even better than the giant soccer team but you wouldn't know it because we've set up to fail."

I raise my eyebrow as Aaron sits next to me, passionately explaining how he swears the tiny soccer team is not a total failure. 

I sat in front of Gretchen and across from Janis, who was flopped against Damian's forearm clearly struggling to stay awake.

I grin as she yawns. 

"Am I boring you, Janis?" Aaron teases.

"A little," Janis says with full honesty.

Before Aaron can remark, a stack of textbooks is dropped in between him and I, narrowly missing me as I push myself backward.

Jason.

Janis's eyes widen and I instantly rush around the textbook to make sure Aaron is okay. He is, just looks equally as shaken up as I do.

Jason sits in the seat between Damian and Gretchen without bothering to great the tinies he just nearly crushed. It's where Cady normally sits, but she isn't here today.

"Jason!" Gretchen grins, pecking him on the cheek like I didn't just almost die.

I throw and exasperated look to Janis who laughs at my expense. 

She wasn't the one almost fucking crushed.

Janis pushes off Damian's arm, making her way over to Aaron and I.

Or tries to.

She doesn't make it very far before shes intercepted by a hand scooping her up.

Janis makes a noise of surprise as Jason lifts her off the table without asking.

I push myself closer to Gretchen as Janis instantly tries to get back down to the table. Jason's thumb knocks her down and I cringe because- that looked like it hurt.

Damian eyes Jason wearily but doesn't vocally say anything. But neither does Janis so why would anyone worry? It's just Jason. Sweet Jason. The boy who's probably gonna ask Gretchen to spring fling. Innocent Jason.

Janis sits up again, clearly uncomfortable, as Damian speaks. "Maybe I should hold Janis?"

"No," Jason says simply before Janis can even open her mouth. "She's fine."

"Janis," Damian ignores the boy next to him. "Do you want Jason holding you?"

Janis is silent for a while, and I don't blame her.

She's in Jason's hands.

One wrong more and shes getting hurt-

badly.

"I- I uh, kinda want to be with Damian right now? If that's okay?" Janis speaks slowly, picking her words wisely.

"That's okay!" Jason reassures her sweetly, passing the girl to her giant. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." Aaron and Janis make an identical face of discussed at the sickly sweet tone and I can only assume my face is similar.

"It's okay." Janis says softly, visibly more relaxed in Damain's hands.

Jason forces a frown. "Well- I'll go give you space. Gretchen, I'll see you next period."

He gets up, walking away but I don't feel very bad for him. If anything, I feel safer. And if the collective breath of relief from Janis and Aaron was an indicator- they felt the same.

As soon as Jason was out of earshot, Gretchen turned to Janis. "Jason was just trying to be nice, Janis. You need to be willing to welcome him into our friend group."

Janis' jaw slacked. The 'are you kidding me' went unsaid. Instead, Janis forced out an "Of course, it's my fault." 

"I'm serious, Janis. Be nice." 

"I'm serious too." Janis shot back.

Aaron and I shared a look of helplessness. We couldn't just tell them. Our giants would never believe us.

To them, Jason could do no wrong.

"The only solution is to never go to lunch again." Janis speaks up, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Mhmm, sure. That's a reasonable solution." Aaron teases.

"You got something better, soccer boy?" Janis raises her eyebrow.

Aaron shakes his head. "We've reached a dead end. Gina? You got any ideas?"

I shake my head with defeat. "Unfortunately, no. All I know is Jason hates us and his goal is to make our friends hate us too through lying and manipulation."

"Go girl, give us nothing." Janis rolls her eyes. "We already knew that Regina."

"Okay, I get your sick and cranky, Janis, but I don't need you-"

"Okay!" Aaron interrupts me. "The three of us are stressed! We're worried. We're scared. But we're also all on the same page. Let's not go at each other's throats right now. We're the only ones who understand each other's struggles. Please stop fighting."

Janis and I both mumble a weak sorry. 

Aaron was right. We were all scared. Can you blame us? Jason was doing everything in his power to isolate us from our friends. For no other reason other then we're tinies and see-through his act. Why he wants Gretchen so bad is beyond me. But hell am I gonna let his toxic ass have her.

"Do you guys remember that scarf Gretchen wore last week?" I ask.

Janis tilts her head. "Yeah?"

"I don't pay enough attention." Aaron shrugs.

I grin. "Well, it was a baggy infinity scarf to refresh your memory. There was enough fabric that I could sit on Gretchen's shoulder next to her neck and not be seen. So I obviously skipped my boring history lecture. But also- Gretchen talked to Jason. He didn't know I was there."

"You're like a spy!" Janis grinned, invested in the story. "What happened?!"

"Hey, Gretchen!" Jason smiles, slipping his hand into Gretchen's as they walked down the hall.

I sunk lower into the pool of fabric, hopping Grethen didn't point out I was here.

"Hey, Jason!"

I let out a breath of relief when she doesn't.

"I have to ask you something," Jason asked.

My ears perk up as I wait for him to continue.

"Is that Janis girl always so- unfriendly? I get the feeling she doesn't like me. I just don't know why. Like Regina clearly doesn't like me very much but she might just be jealous you've got a boy and she doesn't-"

So that's where the seed of jealously in Gretchen's head was planted from. It takes all of me not the stand-up and call Jason out on his bullshit.

He continues.

"But I don't understand why Janis or Aaron wouldn't like me. Aaron just gets quiet and hey- maybe he's shy. But Janis lashes out every time I try and talk to her."

"Janis can be like that sometimes." Gretchen says, nodding in agreement.

Jason could tell her the earth is fucking flat and this bitch would nod in agreement.

I wouldn't be surprised if Gretchen is even really listening to what Jason is saying.

All she's thinking is 'hot boy's lips are moving'.

Ugh.

"At least he's caught onto the fact that I don't fucking like him." Janis crossed her arms.

"Janis, he's painting you to be the bad guy. He's trying to turn Gretchen against you, what don't you understand about that?" Aaron asked.

"Oh no, I understood. I just don't care. I hate Jason and I'm glad he's caught on."

"He hates you more." I point out.

"Impossible." Janis shook her head.

We go back and forth about who hates who more before settling on the fact that our collective hate for him outweighs anything he feels for us.

"Let's go meet our giants, it's getting late." Aaron said standing up. He holds out his hand, helping Janis up first, then me. 

Janis groans holding her head. "Still feel sick as fuck and standing up so fast did not help."

"Woe is you." I roll my eyes. "Let's go."

We walk through the school, making our way to the tiny pick up zone. We're halfway there as Aarons phone dings.

Its a text from Cady.

Aaron reads allowed: "Gretchen went home early so Karen is driving Regina home. Damian and Karen are still in after school help and I might be a bit late to pick you three up. Wait there for me, I swear I didn't forget about you guys."

I laugh. "Cady could never forget about us."

"I mean-" Janis starts. "There was the one ti-"

"Shut up." I cut her off. "Cady would never forget about her tiny friends."

We make it to the tiny pick up zone and sit against a wall to wait. It's no surprise that the hallway is empty. It's late after school on a Monday. Who would willingly still be in school?

There's footsteps down the hall and we all look up, expecting Cady.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Janis groans.

"Ever the pleasant one, Sarkisian." Jason jeers. 

"I'm tired, and sick, and will literally cry if you even touch me. I will bawl. And maybe bite. Don't come the fuck near me." Janis threatens, holding up a sharpened pencil like its a knife.

Jason doesn't seem intimidated by this action. "Whatcha gonna do? Nibble my finger?"

"Fuck off!" Janis whines, throwing her head back. "Literally any day but today."

"Listen whiney and friends. I just hear to pick you up for your friends. So stop being such a bitch Janis."

The friends that told us to 'wait here for Cady'?

Riiight.

I share a knowing look with Aaron while Janis gets up, making her way back into the tiny halls.

"Not fucking dealing with this. Good day asshole."

"Nope." Jason reaches forward, picking Janis off the platform. "You're coming with me bitch."

"This is kidnapping," Janis says flatly. She doesn't fight Jason or thrash. She looks tired, like death is appealing at this point. "I'm being abducted."

Jason's fingers tighten around her. "Thought you were the fisty one? Huh? Shane said you put up a pretty good fight. Where's the fight, Sarkisian?"

"You talked to Shane?" I gawk. I don't know why I'm surprised. They definitely seem like best friends.

"Can you put me the fuck down?" Janis huffs. "Kinda hard to breath."

"Oh, is it?" Jason said with feigned worry. "Shame."

Janis cried out as the hand around her tightened, and Jason grinned at the first real signs of fear Janis has shown yet.

"Put me down- asshole!" Janis wheezed. 

"Let go of her!" Aaron yelled.

It was moments like these when you really realize how helpless you were as a tiny. 

All I could do was sit and watch as Aaron yelled and Janis squirmed. All I could do was pray Cady or really anybody would walk past and see what's happening. 

Yeah, we've been threatened with death before.

Every tiny in Northshore has at least once.

And yeah, we've been pushed around before.

But I've never legitimately feared for my life of a friend's life.

I know maybe that's just a perk of being Regina Geroge, but this was new territory. And scary as fuck territory at that.

Jason seems pretty fucking pleased with himself and it makes my stomach twist. It's never gone this far before. 

Somebody is going to get really hurt.

And I can't do anything.

I can almost feel my heart stop as Janis goes limp. I can't see her face. 

But she's not fucking moving.

"Oh whoops." Jason shugs. "You tinies really are weak."

Aaron looks like if he could he'd fucking kill Jason.

Wouldn't we all.

"Put her down!" I yell, snapping out of my helpless funk.

Jason loosens his grip on Janis but she doesn't move. My breath feels caught in my throat. 

My eyes were trained on Janis and I didn't see Jasons another hand till his finger flicked into my side, sending me falling backward.

I felt like I was living through one of those dramatic fight scenes in the movies.

Expect isn't it the villains who are supposed to be defeated?

I'm curled into myself on the floor, Janis is knocked out in the literal hands of the enemy and Aaron looks ready to kill or cry, whichever is possible first.

Never thought I'd die in high school.

"Hey, Jason, is that you?" A voice calls from down the hall.

"Cady!" Aaron runs to the egde of the platform. 

Jasons condescending nature and snarl disappear. "Hello, Heron!"

"Is Janis asleep?" Cady asks as her eyes fall to Jason's hand. "She only ever falls asleep with Damian, either shes exhausted or really trust you."

The bitter laugh is out of my mouth before I can stop it. 

Cady looks at me and tilts her head. "Regina, why do you look like you've been crying on the floor?" She pauses, her eyes trailing back between the four of us. I can almost see the doubt set in her mind. Yes! "What's really going on here?" She asks. "And uh, I'm gonna take Janis-"

Jason shakes his head. "She's fine, it won't be necessary."

"No, I wasn't offering." Cady's voice is an unfamiliar cold. "I'll take Janis."

I stand up and make my way closer to Aaron as Cady takes Janis away from Jason. "Now, what the fuck is going on.

"Literally nothing, we're just talking and-"

"No! He's a fucking asshole and he-"

"Regina, what did I ever do to you?!"

"Are you kidding me?!" 

Cady looks between us nervously. "Uh, Aaron? Wanna tell me what's going on?"

"Gladly."

Cady steps over, picking both Aaron and I up. My mouth is still open from shock. 

What did I ever do to you?!

Fucking bitch, want me to list it?

"So uh," Aaron starts nervously. Cady cups her hands so I'm next to Janis who looks like she's beginning to stir but uh- I've never been suffocated before, maybe she's just sleeping at this point.

But she's breathing. It's reassuring enough for me.

"It started a couple months ago." Aaron continues. "Jason actually isnt very nice? To the tinies at least." He laughs nervously, leaning closer into Cady's hand and away from Jason, who isn't bothering to keep the nice facade up anymore. "He's actually like- Shane Omen but worse?"

"Worse?" Cady's jaw drops slightly in disbelief. 

"I mean- he held Janis so tight that she passed out so I'd fucking say so." I snark. 

Aaron nods. "Yeah, heh- like, I dunno. Just- not nice? He uh, flicked Regina, which is why she was laying down when you walked over. And like its not the first time he's done this? Especially when we're alone."

There's an unreadable look on Cady's face as she looks up to Jason.

It almost scares me.

"I'm gonna walk away. Just-" Cady gives a low laugh. "Jesus, I almost feel sorry for you, Jason. You deserve everything coming to you. Starting with Gretchen and Damian when they find out."

Despite everything, I can't help but smile at the way Jason's face falls with realization.

It's not a big secret that Gretchen loves an excuse to slap someone.

And this is hell of an excuse.

I look at Janis who is still laying next to me, breathing shallowly. 

We might have to bail Damian out of fucking jail.

Cady turns on her heels without saying another word to Jason and walks down the halls. Once he is out of earshot she looks down at us. "How long?!"

Aaron shrugs. "Since Gretchen first met Jason."

"That's like three months guys!" Cady looks genuinely heartbroken. "I can't believe we didn't notice."

Janis stirs next to me, weakly propping herself up. "Huh?"

There are tears in Cady's eyes as she stops walking. "You guy have been enduring this for three months?"

"No," I say. "Well- yes but not really. It was a build-up. He didn't just start attacking us to the point of death one random day. It started with little things. Like pushing us around and knocking us over."

"That shouldn't happen anyway!" Cady says sadly.

"But it did," Janis mumbled. She seems to have caught onto whats going on. "My chest hurts."

"I'm so sorry you guys," Cady whispers sadly. "I- how did we not notice?"

"Not notice what?"

I turn around to see Karen and Damian walking over. For a second my eyes trail behind them in search of Gretchen but- she went home. Of course.

"Cady, are you crying?" Damian asks, instantly worried. "Is everything okay? Where's Janis?"

"Right here, dude." Janis mumbles. She's looking down at her lap, her arms wrapped loosely around herself. She's still wheezing slightly and tears threaten to spill over her eyes. I don't blame her. That was almost death.

Janis almost died.

My breath hitches at the realization.

As a tiny, you almost die a lot. But- it's accidental. It's falling or almost being crushed. Never malicious actions of bigger peers. 

Cady offers her hands out and I step backward, letting Damian gently scoop up Janis. 

 "What happened?" Karen asks, peering over Damian's shoulder at Janis.

I look back to Cady trying to figure out if she's gonna talk or if Aaron and I have to explain. She's staring at Karen with a crestfallen gaze, tear tracks down her face. "Guys-" She starts. 

I know this is hard for her because she's taking it personally and blaming herself, but we really don't need the fanfare. 

Not that I'm gonna step up and tell the story. 

Karen steps towards picking up me and Aaron. Cady doesn't fight it, she just lets her hands fall to her side. "Y'know, Jason?"

"Yeah of course. Smile emoji." Karen says from above me.

I look over to Janis, who has her arm around Damain's finger. She's doing pretty well for passing out. God knows I'd be sobbing if that were me. Hell, the ache in my side is enough to make me want to cry right now.

"Not smiley face emoji, Karen," Cady explains softly. "I don't know the full thing, you're gonna have to ask the tinies but-"

Cady explains what she walked over to see and the minimal information she got out of us earlier. She left out a lot, but she didn't know a lot to be fair. The look of utter horror on our friend's faces almost made me feel bad. We barely scraped the top layer.

Damian is looking down at the girl in his hands who at some point in the bad retelling started crying again. Karen had held Aaron and I even closer and Cady looked ready to sit down and cry. Me too, Cady.  

"Three months?" Damian whispers weakly. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Why would you believe us? Jason's fucking great." Janis said bitterly, still clinging to his finger.

"Of course we would believe you, Jan."

"Gretchen didn't." I say softly.

I didn't really think about what I was saying. I was just mumbling to myself. But Karen heard. 

"You told her?"

I shrug. "Tried to. She didn't listen."

"Well, she's gonna listen when we tell her tomorrow," Cady says. "I can't believe you didn't tell us."

I shrug dismissively, not wanting to talk about it. "It's not a big deal."

I didn't mean it. Of course, it's a big deal. But I said it wasn't anyway. 

"You're telling me Janis almost died today and it's not the first time you guys have been through something like that, but don't worry it's not a big deal?!"

I pause, looking at the three giants. This was Aaron, Janis and I's normal. It's what we went through every day. Yeah, it's shitty but we're used to it. I forget sometimes the giants don't understand the fact not getting shoved around is normal for us. Being threatened and made fun of for our size is just part of an average day.

"Can we continue this with Gretchen at lunch tomorrow? I don't want this conversation twice. I feel even crappier than I already did before and I just want to sleep." Janis speaks up from where Damian held her protectively close. 

"You all better tell us everything tomorrow." Cady says. 

"Cady are you taking Aaron or should I get these two home?" Karen asks.

-

"This was a really funny joke guys." Gretchen says from above me. Despite her words, her voice is void of all amusement.

"Yes, because we're the type to make jokes about our tiny friends almost dying." Damian deadpans. Janis is sitting on the table in front of him looking like she'd rather talk about anything other than this.

I don't blame her.

But this could finally be my chance to get Gretchen to listen and believe me.

"Gretchen." I turn around to look up at her, but I'm on the table I need to crane my neck. "I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you have to believe us. Cady witnessed it with her own eyes if you don't believe me. Janis sure as hell can vouch since she nearly fucking died yesterday."

Gretchen doesn't respond for a long time. I feel like I can see the seed of doubt settle in on the situation. She reaches forward, scooping me up and bringing me to her shoulder. 

"I- I'm not sure what to believe," She admits. "but I'll listen. I'm sorry I didn't do that before."

That one sentence felt like so much weight being lifted. Jason had Gretchen around her finger. His word was law and everyone else could fuck themself.

But not anymore.

I open my mouth to speak but get cut off by a familiar and unwelcoming voice.

"Hello everyone!"

Cady's eyes widen in disbelief. "You aren't actually stupid enough to think about sitting with us today, right Jason?"

"Aw, why not?" He asks, sitting next to Gretchen and slinging his arm over her shoulder.

I gasp as I'm knocked forward, gripping onto Gretchen's shirt underneath me as I try to stay on. 

Gretchen bats Jason's arm away and scoops me up. "Jason we were talking about something private maybe it's better you join us again later."

Jason's eyes narrowed, as he looked across the table. I sunk lower in Gretchen's hand as his eyes landed on me but he moved on without trying anything. I mean- obviously, Gretchen was right here but still. 

Cady's hand was resting wearily by Aaron if Jason tried something and Janis had been transported to Damian's pocket when I wasn't looking. How could Gretchen not pick up on how stressed we all are?

"What's wrong?" Jason asked, turning to Gretchen.

"It's nothing for you to worry about. I just-"

"Did I do something wrong?" Jason's face fell and I almost felt bad for him. Almost. He should pursue an acting career.

Gretchen looked at loss for what to say for a second before speaking up. "Where were you yesterday after school?"

Jason scoffed. "Whatever Cady said was a lie, Gretch."

"I-" Gretchen froze. "I didn't mention Cady."

Jason's eyes widened as he began to backtrack but- it was too late. 

"Jason I need you to leave, please." Gretchen's hand was shaking as she placed me gently on the table. "There are some things I need to rethink."

"You really believe those tinies?" Jason's face morphed into utter disgust.

The mask was off, the act was over. Karen reached over, tugging me away from Gretchen and Jason and closer to her. 

"I should have believed them a while ago, apparently." Gretchen snapped.

Jason rolled his eyes. "Please. They're just tinies. What makes them so trustworthy? Actually- what makes them worthy?"

Karen lets out a legitimate gasp from above me. Gretchen looks to me with an expression I can't read. My breath feels caught in my throat. I can't shake the feeling that this may be where I lose my best friend. 

But she looks back at Jason. "I can't believe you really just asked that. Did you think that would help your point? What made you think- oh this will totally get Gretchen on my side? What is wrong with you?"

Jason looks dumbfounded at Gretchen's outburst. "Gretchen-"

I knew it was coming, so it was no surprise as Gretchen raises her arm, and a loud smack echos through the cafeteria over all the oblivious conversations. Jason gasps, his hand shooting up to his cheek. "You fucking bitch-"

"You have treated my friends awfully for too long. Go fuck off and find somewhere else to sit for lunch." Gretchen says simply, turning away from Jason.

Jason doesn't say anything as he looks across the table one last time. Aaron was still on the table but Cady had her hand cupped around him defensively, Damian's hand rested over his chest pocket and Janis gripped onto his finger. Karen had pulled against her arm where I sat pushed away as far away from Jason as possible. It was pretty clear he wasn't wanted here.

"Whatever." He bitterly admits defeat, pushing away from the table and walking away. Gretchen watched him leave before turning to me, wide-eyed.

"I can't believe I didn't believe you." She said sadly. "I can't believe I didn't believe any of you." I hold my arms out and Gretche complies, reaching over to scoop me up. "Regina, I'm so sorry."

I don't try and stop the tears that burn in my eyes as Gretchen holds me close to her.

We still have a lot to talk about after this but-

I've finally won after a long and painful battle. All our giants are awake and no longer oblivious to the suffering. 

I'm safe.

I cling to Gretchens's shirt as the tears poor over my eyes. Gretchen shakes and I realize- she's crying too.

I wouldn't be surprised if I turned around and the whole table was.

Jason was an asshole. He manipulated his way into the friend group and made my life miserable. Plus Janis and Aaron too, I guess. But he's gone now.

We don't have to worry anymore.

We're okay.

It will be okay.

2.5/10 not my best work but fun to write @realmisspolarbear @smallsoysauce @musicallygt

[norafike]

Despite all this, I still love you 17

Bit of a darker chapter so warning for violence in this one. It does get fluffier towards the end with some Lem looking after Nora, :). Hope y’all enjoy this one and if anyone prefers to read it on AO3 here is the link.

Gonna tag the lovely @journal-of-an-outlaw because they have responded so positively regarding my chapters on ao3 and I am always so happy to read their comments. 

Also gonna tag the wonderful @bucketofcowboys because we’re getting married soon and I want to share my greatest accomplishment with them. Love you baby.

Nora slowly stood from her seat, staring with wild eyes at the headless rider as the horse came to a halt in the camp. For a brief moment everything was quiet and the slightest of noises such as a pin drop could possibly be heard.

Everyone stood bewildered at this strange display and Nora slowly walked over to a hyperventilating Mary-Beth who had tears running down her cheeks from the horror. She placed a hand on the female's shoulder but not to brashly and would gently whisper calming words in the girl's ear in the same manner that Lem would do whenever Nora grew hysterical.

“What's that over there?” Arthur usually wouldn't have been heard but it was dead quiet and even his whispers were picked up on and Nora looked over at the bushes in time to see the slightest of movements in the distance and her heart sank to her stomach as soon as the bullets whizzed by.

Before she was cautious and gentle but now she needed to get Mary-Beth out of the open, taking her hand and pulling her away from the field and over to one of the many crates and tables lined up and no quicker did their attacker start to fire most armed members who were present began to shoot back, concentrating solely on the trees and bushes as that's where the enemy was hiding.

Even Lem, who had avoiding fights for the majority had taken to helping the Van Der Linde gang; bravery and concentration present in his face while he shot from the table. Nora had bit the inside of her cheek to focus on getting Mary-Beth inside the house and upon Dutch's instruction, the majority of gang members all began to flee indoors.

Abigail was close to entering the building but Jack in his fear ran to John's side, shouting “Papa” over the bullets and like the bastards they were, to attack a hideout knowingly unsuspecting these attackers began to fire at the boy as he scattered over the dirt. His mother screamed at him to get back and eventually John had neared him enough to pick him up and carry him over to the worried woman who briskly took him from his grasp and carried him inside.

“Hide upstairs.” Nora shouted at Mary-Beth and later at Lem as he ran past to hide indoors. She slid behind cover at the fountain with Arthur and with her lancaster in hand would shoot at any movement she caught a glimpse off and a lot of the time a pained cry would follow as she successfully hit a target.

When she looked to her right she saw the canoe filled with O'Driscoll's, their uniforms obvious and quickly she shot that way so they couldn't catch them off guard. “Bastards are comin' in on boats.” And another shot, taking her target successfully.

For the first time in what felt like forever, she was able to participate in a fight without the unsettling nerves inside and had returned to that former self where she felt confident in her bravery and skill but not all these good films could last forever when a bullet ricocheted off of the fountain in front of her. It missed her by inches but how close of a call it was startled her and the want to protect the group became lost and replaced with the severity of the situation they were in.

Arthur picked up immediately on the change of air around her, kicking her shin gently and dragging her back towards the house with John behind but she managed to break free from the firm grip held on her shoulder. She pushed Arthur inside the building and he almost did step outside to grab her and prevent whatever foolish antics she had building up inside but John only shook his head which stopped him from doing so. “She ain't one of us, son.” He hadn't even noticed Dutch standing there.

“She's fightin' for us, both her and Lem were.” Arthur spat through gritted teeth. He elbowed his way past his father-figure and ran up the creaky staircase to stand out on the balcony to in the very least, help Nora from above but when he got there it was quiet and Nora wasn't found.

“Is she inside?” He met Lem on the landing but her companion only looked confused.

“W-Who?”

“Nora she's not out there anymore.”

“I came out here to find her, s-she ain't hiding.”

And they both shared an equal look of worry when the realisation kicked in and making matters a whole lot worse both men realised that not even Sadie Adler was inside when she had been instructed too. It annoyed Arthur to no end that both women had failed to listen and were stuck out there and the O'Driscoll's were not dying down, only growing in numbers. He shared one worried glance with Dutch and before he could decline anything his son was gone, back out in the open to find Sadie and their friend.

“Mrs Adler!” Arthur called out and got no answer, not from the front of the house and so he quickly turned around to investigate behind it and conveniently just as he did so he heard the familiar cry from her. It was just as before if her own home back in those mountains and thinking she had been in danger he quickly broke into a sprint and ran for the direction he believed her to be, soon finding her fighting three O'Driscoll's at once with an ease that frightened him.

“You seem to be handlin' yourself.” He commented and the woman only chuckled before pocketing the knife and switching it for a gun. “Come on, Arthur. We can take these bastards.”

“We need to get inside.” Was all he had to say but the woman did not listen to instruction and decided to run off further into an onslaught of O'Driscoll's men.

Arthur groaned at her incompetence, running after her.

“Arthur help Nora!” She cried out and her finger had been extended over towards the female. He turned just in time to see her get tackled to the floor and wrestle for a small while as the attacker brandished a knife dangerously close, but she was struggling to keep the blade away. He didn't aim as he fired and she flinched with the gunshots so close to her, arms covering her head and although he was dead as his body went limp the blade was still able to slice part of her shoulder and she cried out at the sting of it.

“Shit.” He muttered running to her aid and kicking the corpse off of her. From the small wound in her shoulder and the dead man laying on top of her, the clothes she wore became soaked in blood. “You alright?”

“Yeah.” She held a hand up but shrieked with the ache and pain that flared through her arm, the wound cutting deeper than she initially thought or felt and it hurt to move it further up than she liked. Arthur quickly pulled her to her feet which didn't help matters but couldn't do much but leave her standing before they had to fight more O'Driscoll's.

Nora's hand was covering the wound to prevent the blood and her arm was bend awkwardly to shoot at them but she was capable of continuing with the fight alongside the other's, a wound wouldn't inconvenience her.

“Nora get inside.” Arthur warned her once part of the firing ceased and she was ready to defend herself before she noticed riders coming in from the roads. She pointed and he sighed as they kept coming and luckily for them Charles soon would join in to help them.

With Sadie, Charles and Arthur they were unstoppable all three were strong and capable when it came to a fight. Nora helped but her arm would restrict her some times so she couldn't fire as much as she pleased, to focused on the pain to aim properly but they all dealt with the lot of them and managed to succeed in the fight they were so unwillingly thrown into.

“We'll talk to you two later.” Arthur warned the woman over the unsettling quiet the camp returned too and he followed Charles around to the front in time to see Dutch and Hosea emerge from inside.

“What fun that had been.” Dutch remarked before walking over to the headless rider.

“But who is this poor fool?”

“It ain't Kieran is it?” Nora muttered but her words were heard. “No, I don't think it is.”

“Good.” She nodded.

Arthur looked at Grimshaw who had been leading both the women outside and he called the authoritarian over. “What is it, Mr. Morgan.”

“Miss Morgan here's got a nastier wound on her shoulder than thought, think you can patch her up.”

Grimshaw smirked as she handed her shotgun over to Mary-Beth who only seemed surprised with the weapon given to her. “I know I can patch her up.” She replied before pushing the female back inside the house. As she disappeared indoors Arthur could hear how Grimshaw turned around to mention Lem's worry over being left outside but Nora didn't give an answer only sulking in silence.

Dutch pointed for reverend to call him over, before motioning at the corpse with his hand. “Swanson, bury this fool somewhere far from here and as for the O'Driscoll's- burn them.”

Mary-Beth tapped Arthur's shoulder and the enforcer looked behind to offer her a kind smile, one she reciprocated. “If we don't know who they killed, then could that mean Kieran's alive?” She whispered into his ear because she worried about somebody overhearing.

“It could but Mary-Beth we shouldn't get our hopes up.” He hummed but she stopped listening at the 'it could', this smile present as she walked away to join Karen over by the river. He sighed once she disappeared and took the opportunity to walk back inside just as Susan told Nora off for moving or something.

“How's it goin' in here?” He asked and Nora gave him a harsh glare before turning away.

“Nora's not happy being fussed over- said that someone else should be looked at before her.” Lem answered.

“Is someone else injured?”

“No, nobody is.”

Arthur sighed before taking out a cigarette to pass over to Lem, who only shook his hand to decline the offer. “How are you feelin', Nora?”

“I'm fine, arm's stiff. For a dead guy he managed to cut it deeper than I thought.” Nora then hissed through her teeth when Susan prodded the flesh near the wound with her finger and the only woman only chuckled at her reaction.

“How are the other's?”

“Oh fine; most of 'em are used to this. Jack's gonna be shaken up for a while but I don't think he saw too much.”

Nora tutted. “Poor kid.” Susan pulled away with a pleased smile, wiping blood off of her hands and into the material of her skirt. “Now you make sure not to use that arm too much and you-” She turned around and pointed a slender finger at Lem, giving him a stern eye. “You make sure she listens.”

“I'll try.” Lem sighed. “Nora's as stubborn as they come. Might have to tie her hand down.”

“Tie it down if you have too.”

He thanked the woman as she left the pink room before he sat next to Nora on the table. Grimshaw had to undo part of her blouse and pull a strap down on her chemise in order to expose the wound for care and before Nora would find herself embarrassed by such a scandalous display, as of right now she sat there with the chemise slowly sliding further down and unbothered by it.

“I ought to go wash off some of this blood soon.” Nora's good arm was stretched out before her and she looked at the staining on her sleeves and hands, disgusted by just how much she had got on her.

“Want me to send one of the women over to help you?”

Nora looked up to answer, ready to reply with a ‘yes’ but an idea flashed in her mind when she remembered that her best friend had been sitting by her. “Thank you but Lem can help me.”

“You can g-guess again if you think I'm gonna help.” She gasped at his quick wit and looked over, expecting him to be flushed red and stuttering more than the usual but instead he looked at her with a smug grin and Arthur broke out into a fit of laughter at it. “How kind of you, Lemuel.”

“I know.” He chuckled. “If you really want my help then I s'pose I can, wouldn't be the first time.”

“It wouldn't be?”

“Nora gets shot or s-stabbed often, Arthur.”

“Seems a hassle lookin' out for her.” Lem laughed and shook her head; taking her hand and pulling her to a stand when she requested his favour. “Nora looks out for me a lot more than I do her.”

“Now you know that ain't true.”

“She gets injured more often than not due to m-my idiocy. She's just bein' polite.”

The three left the house and Dutch greeted them with a small wave as he went back to helping with the bodies still lying around camp, groaning as he tried dragging one over near the river. “Lem an' I should get goin', y'all seem busy and I wouldn't wanna intrude longer.”

“Ya make a mess an' run when it's time to clean up is it?” Arthur was only joking with her and she realised it quickly when she laughed along, nodding slowly. “Guess you saw through that half-lie.”

“You just watch that arm okay?”

Lem mounted his horse and reached down to take Nora's hand and with Arthur's help he had pulled her up to sit on the rump of his own horse to minimise the strain she'd put on the injury if she had mounted Casper. “I will.” She replied, adjusting to sit comfortably.

He waved them off as soon as they left and watched until they had disappeared behind the trees.

...

Lem waited outside the door while she climbed into the bath, giving her the privacy needed until she called him in. It wasn't the first time this had happened of course so by now he should have been used to it and yet every time he always got so nervous, just as any gentleman should in such circumstances.

He took to smoking to calm his nerves and it worked for a short while before he had heard her gently call his name, saying that he was allowed in. He took a dip breath as he flicked finished off his cigarette, placing the butt in an ashtray and gently opening the door to walk in. She smiled at him gently, pushing some bubbles closer to cover herself a little more.

“How are you feelin'?”

“Tired mostly and sore.”

“I saw that cut, weren't anythin' nice.” He replied as he walked over to the side of the bathtub. She chuckled lowly, watching every move he made from the way he would awkwardly swallow his nerves or how slowly he dipped his hand into the water only to quickly pull away when his fingers brushed over her knee.

“Cuts usually ain't nice.”

“But some are better than other's, leavin' no scars.”

“What's another scar to the collection.”

Lem nodded slowly before taking a handful of soapy water to clean off some of the blood on her shoulders. He avoided her gaze completely as he focused on the stains but felt her staring, almost meeting her eyes a couple of times before snapping back into her senses and remembering exactly where they had been. “Your brothers aren't gonna be keen on knowing you got injured again.”

“And your aunt won't be happy knowing that you got caught up in all that.” She replied and his soft chuckle had lightened the situation a little, making less intense and awkward than it needed to be.

“Try not to move while I clean near the wound, Nora.” He warned before taking his hand to some of the flesh near. He didn't touch the wound but the area around it was still fairly sensitive and she hissed when his hand make contact. “Shit.” He cursed and followed it with a string of apologies that she smiled at, waving a hand to dismiss his worry. “It's fine.” She told him and he slowly went back to cleaning the area near the wound again.

He noticed how her jaw clenched to prevent her from crying out again and he disliked how she did that but he continued wiping the blood away, as gently as he could manage. “How'd you get that scar on your forehead again?” He asked once he noticed the silence building between them and she raised her good arm to run a finger over it.

“Thought I told you recently?”

“You may have brought it up.”

“I bring it up often for you.” Lem chuckled at her words and nodded slowly. “I like hearin' it.”

Nora rolled her eyes as she pushed more bubbles her way but they were slowly beginning to dissolve into the water as she remained there. “I had been runnin' around Blackwater when I was younger, chasin' some friends as any child did and I didn't see two men carryin' a plank of wood down the path.” A smile began to form on Lem's face and she hadn't even finished her story yet. “I ran straight into it and went flyin' back, got this cut as a reminder to not go chasin' my friends about. Ma was worried and Pa was pissed, although he was pissed more with me than anyone else.”

“Hard to think that the tough Nora Morgan that I know and l-love who fights whole armies, stubbornly, is t-the same girl who ran into a wooden p-plank.”

“Know and love?” She gasped and Lem arched an eyebrow at the repeat of his own words when he realised what he had said his face sank. “W-Well.. not quite i-in-”

“You've gone soft, Lem.”

“Oh, quiet will you.” He replied and she laughed at the red in his cheeks. She pointed over towards the door where a towel hung for her and asked him to bring it over so she could finally get out of the bathtub. He did and just as before closed his eyes and held it open while he waited for her to climb out. “You don't need to close your eyes, ain't like you ain't seen anything before.”

“I'm jus' being p-polite, Nora.”

She grabbed the towel and wrapped it around her before walking behind a pretty divider that clean clothes for her were waiting, most notably a shirt she had seen Lem wear once before. “Didn't realise you had spare clothes with you.”

“I pack a shirt just in case.”

“In case of what?”

“You gettin' covered in blood; like you so notoriously do.”

She rolled her eyes but only managed to pull one sleeve on; struggling with the other as her arm would burn at the most slightest of movements. She walked out and smiled at Lem who had since opened his eyes but had been looking at the paintings on the walls instead. “Mind helpin'?”

“’Course not.” He had to slide the one sleeve down to slip the other one onto her bad arm but with some movement, she had finally gotten the shirt on comfortably. She was ready to do the buttons up to but Lem decided that he would like to help her with that too, making quick work of a task that probably would have taken her a little longer.

He reached the top button and looked up and for the first time their eyes finally met. His breathing became laboured and just like a couple of days prior he found himself leaning ever so slightly closer to Nora but before anything more could happen he finally regained his bearings and looked away, clearing his throat to break the awkward tension between them.

“We should go now, can't keep the bath occupied for too long I'm afraid.”

[galadrieljones]

The Lily Farm - Chapter 26 (Arthur x Mary Beth)

 AO3 | Masterpost

Rating: M (Mature) - sexual content, violence, and adult themes

To help her process Sean’s death, Mary Beth asks Arthur to take her on a hunting trip, somewhere far away. He agrees, and on their journey to the north, they find quietude and take comfort in their easy bond. They’ve been friends for a while now, but life, like the wilderness, is full of uncertainty and complications, and in their desperate search for meaning together, they endure a number of trials, some small, some big, all of which bring them closer to one another, as well as to their future. But they’ve fallen in love during hard times. With the gang tipping dangerously close to a breaking point in a changing world, Arthur must make a difficult choice. Can he escape his past, as well as the outlaw life, in order to start a family of his own? With Mary Beth by his side, one thing is certain: redemption and second chances finally seem within his grasp.

***Chapter 25 cw: strong violence (canon typical), vague reference to sexual violence **

Chapter 26: Goslings

When Mary Beth was a little girl, her father once shot and killed a pair of thieves—a couple of good-for-nothing petty outlaws who had been rustling around their property, picking off their goats for months. Whenever they came around, he would take her big brother out and arm him with a shotgun. Before they left, he would say, “Mary Beth, you stay inside with your mama,” and so she would stay inside with her mama, and together, they would make clay figurines like dogs and trains and things and cook them in the kiln, or else they would bake a pie or knit or sit by the window and read aloud the gothic tales of Edgar Allan Poe. Mary Beth so loved The Raven. Meanwhile, her mother would keep a loaded shotgun by the door but she did not act as if anything were terrible or amiss.

The night those thieves finally got their comeuppance, Mary Beth had been looking out the window, braiding her long hair. She was just minding her own business when, in the light from the big moon, she saw one of them—a strange-looking man, come running out of the woods and toward the house with his gun drawn and this look on his face like he was an animal. It was wrong. That was all she remembered thinking. It was wrong, and it happened in a kind of slow motion, as her mother was in the kitchen making tea, and the kettle was screaming, and so she had no idea. Mary Beth was alone. She froze in childish fear as she watched the man coming. She stood alone in the window, unable to yell or do anything at all but wait helplessly, as if she were in a dream. He made it all the way to the foot of the porch before her daddy put him down with his rifle from the tree line. Mary Beth closed her eyes and covered her ears. Her mother came running when she heard the sound of the gun but to her it was none the difference.

Mary Beth still wonders sometimes what would have happened if the bad man had gotten into the house. Would her mother have known what to do? Would her father or brother have gotten there in time? Whenever bad things happened to the gang, Mary Beth was typically hidden away with Abigail and Tilly and Jack and Miss Grimshaw and Karen—Jenny, too before she got shot. She longed for adventure but never had the chops or the know-how to exact her longing upon the world until she went hunting with Arthur. She did not want to kill anybody. She was not a killer, and she knew it. He was right about that, but the world was still all full of bad men. Bad men running toward her door with their big guns and their animal teeth.

“You ain’t gonna do nothing to me, Colm O'Driscoll,” said Mary Beth, her gun pointed. Colm was about fifteen feet away, and she was pretty sure she could make the shot. Even if he didn’t die, he’d be fucked up half to death with buckshot, and that was good enough. But her hands were shaking. She was standing at the window trying not to freeze.

Colm still had his hands up, in surrender. “What makes you so sure?”

“Because,” she said, renewing her grip on the gun. “Dutch might secretly relish the drama of a blood feud, but Arthur has no such vanity inside him. If you kill me, he will end you, even if he kills himself in the process, and you know that ain’t gonna be pretty.”

Colm took a step forward, considering. Mary Beth had nowhere to go, but she knew she had a point. “Maybe you’re right,” he said.

“Back up.”

“Maybe I ought to just haul you off like I did with Annabelle.”

“Don’t say her name.”

“But unlike her, I could keep you alive,” he went on, “as bait. I bet I could get Arthur Morgan to do all sorts of mean things to get you back. Though my boys is mighty starved for affection, don’t you forget, and that might be worse for you in the end.”

“Fuck you.”

He laughed. “A fighter? Just like she was. You know, she caught me good, right before I strung her up. Right here, with the blade of a beautiful hunting knife.” He leaned into the light then, showing Mary Beth a fine scar across his right cheekbone. “Those van der Linde boys, they do got feisty taste in women, I’ll give them that.”

“At least they get women.”

“Their primitive weakness.”

“Seems they’re doing just fine.”

He smiled.

Then, there was a sound, coming from the front of the cave. Mary Beth moved fast when Colm turned to see. She wound up and swung that gun like a baseball bat, lit him clean over the head as hard as she could. He stumbled, swore, but when she tried to get past him, he grabbed her by the skirts and yanked her backward, tossing her into the cave walls like a sack of potatoes. It was nothing for him. She hit hard but caught her balance, and she was able to bring up the gun in an effort to shoot, but it was too late.

Somebody else was in the cave.

Mary Beth got distracted. It was footsteps, and in this time, Colm lurched forward and wrestled the gun away from her. She screamed. Then there was a low voice.

“Colm,” it said.

They both turned to see this time, but it was dark, and in the space of a second, a single gunshot rang out from where they were looking, and Colm went down without warning. He cried out. At first Mary Beth thought he had was dead meat, but it turned out he had only been caught in the precise back of the knee. He was writhing. And the gun had gone down with him, making a great big clang, and he did try swiping at her feet, unable to stand, but she stole the gun and backed away from him, unsure of where to point it next but emboldened nonetheless. “Don’t move,” she said.

“It’s okay, Miss Gaskill,” said Dutch. He walked out of the darkness, smoke alighting the barrel of his revolver. He holstered it up, stepped over Colm and his squirming disposition. He was removing his gloves, one finger at a time, looking like a surgeon as he gazed at her through the dim light of the cave. “You can put the gun down, sweetheart. It’s okay.”

She nearly collapsed into the earth, the relief so sudden. She dropped the gun to her side and steadied herself against the cave wall. It was cold and damp and the blood was pounding in her skull like a fuckin freight train. “Sweet Jesus,” she said.

“Motherfucker,” Colm groaned.

“That’s right,” said Dutch. He followed up then with one long stride, a quick swing of his boot, striking hard across the meat of Colm’s jaw. Mary Beth could have sworn that man picked straight up off the ground, flipped inside out and then landed hard on his back, wheezing and coughing, rolling onto his side, spitting blood into the dirt. Dutch tucked his gloves into his back pocket. “It’s me. The motherfucker.”

Mary Beth waited, pressed to the wall. She looked at Colm, and then she looked at Dutch, and she did not move. Dutch had entered a sort of trance, she thought. He circled Colm, as a predator. He took a handkerchief from his pocket, and he wiped the sweat from his brow, and then he put the handkerchief back in his pocket again.

“Did he touch you, Miss Gaskill?” he said then. She noticed he looked very tired and dirty. He had blood on his vest and his sleeves—from the fight at Lone Mule, she expected. She looked away, too scared to ask. She didn’t wanna know. Not yet. “No,” she said. “I mean, he roughed me up a little but nothing like you mean.”

Dutch nodded, cracking his knuckles. “Did he threaten to touch you, Miss Gaskill? Like I mean?”

She blinked, catching his drift. She held the gun close to her chest and nodded. “Yes.”

This seemed to enrage him. He kicked Colm again, in the gut this time. Colm yelped and rolled over but then much to her surprise, he began to laugh, maniacally, as if he had just realized what the hell was going on.

“If it ain’t ol daddy Dutch,” he said, coughing, “as I live and breathe.”

“Living and breathing ain’t in the cards for you too much longer, Colm,” said Dutch.

“I was just admiring—” his breath rattled, like maybe he’d punctured a lung. “Just admiring Miss Gaskill here. A pretty piece, even for you boys. I’m surprised you don’t take them spoils for yourself.”

“Shut up,” said Mary Beth.

Colm laughed.

“You’re like an animal,” she said.

“Don’t waste your breath, Miss Gaskill,” said Dutch, studying. “It ain’t worth it.”

Then, something changed. Without further delay, Dutch got down and straddled Colm and started beating the shit out of his face. It was alarming, like something had snapped inside him.

“This is for Arthur,” he said, hitting him again, and again. Dutch was a big man, very tall, and he was stronger than he appeared. “You tried. To take him. From me.” He then took to strangling Colm with two hands, a veritable death grip. Colm tried to struggle, but it was no use. As Dutch put him out of commission, he got real close, almost nose to nose, and he said, “And this is for them.”

Mary Beth could only watch from the corner of the cave. For a moment, she had forgotten where she was and how she had gotten here. The shock of it all and the speed with which so much change had taken place was so extreme. She could hardly remember. It was like waking up from a nightmare. But after a little while, she realized what was going on, and then she realized that Dutch was still over there, still holding down Colm’s wind pipe even as Colm was already dead and had been dead for some minutes.

She became hurried. She left the gun. She went to Dutch, and she got to her knees and tried to ease his hands away from Colm’s throat. “Dutch,” she said, trying to be gentle. He wouldn’t respond. She picked up his face, using all her strength, and she finally got him to look up, to see her eyes. “Dutch,” she pleaded. “Dutch, he’s dead. You can stop now. He’s dead. It’s over.”

“Over?”

She nodded, trying to shake him out of it. “Yes. It’s okay. You can stop.”

He surfaced, blinked a bunch of times. All the air seemed to go out of him, and he sort of lurched forward a little to try and catch his breath. Then he looked down at what he was doing and he immediately sat back with his hands resting on his knees. He looked at Colm O’Driscoll. Dead. He looked at his hands, and then he looked up at Mary Beth.

“Are you all right?” she said.

It took him a moment to register exactly what she had asked of him. But at some point, he shook his head. “No,” he said. “I’m not, Miss Gaskill. Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” she said. “Where’s everybody else, Dutch? Are they—”

“They’re okay,” he said. He patted her on the back, seeming to normalize, if only for a second and he got to his feet, slowly, dusting his hands off on his slacks. “Arthur is fine. Don’t worry. They were on their way in to free Kieran when I—I saw Colm trying to sneak away. I tracked him here alone.”

“Thank you,” said Mary Beth, in earnest. She was standing too now, feeling eager. “You saved my life.”

“I would never let anything happen to you, Mary Beth.” He sort of stumbled. She caught him. He leaned into her, seeming dizzy all of a sudden. He was heavy, but she could handle it. “You,” he went on, “or Arthur. You’re my goddam family.”

“I know,” she said, trying to steady him against the wall. “I know, Dutch. I know.”

Just then they heard more footsteps, coming quickly into the cave.

“Mary Beth?”

It was Arthur.

She looked at Dutch, then she picked up her skirts and went running. The cave was filling with light as the sun rose outside. It flooded through the skylight, all pinks and yellows. She went into Arthur's embrace, and he held her tightly.

“You’re okay,” she said.

He smiled into her hair. “Yes, I’m okay.”

“Did you get Kieran?”

“We did. He’s a little messed up, but he’ll be fine.”

She breathed.

“We can’t find Dutch,” he said then, pushing her hood down, the hair off her shoulders, “or Colm. I’m worried—”

“Dutch is here,” she said. “He’s in the cave.”

“He’s here?”

They parted. She looked up at Arthur and took a deep breath. He had a shiner on his cheek but it was nothing alarming. He didn’t seem to be bleeding from anywhere. “Something bad happened,” she said.

This confused him, so she took his hand and led him to the back of the cave. Dutch was there, in the pale circle of light from the oil lamp, sitting with his head hanging between his knees. In front of him with the dead body of Colm O’Driscoll.

“Holy shit,” said Arthur, scanning the situation and removing his hat. “What happened?”

“Colm came,” said Mary Beth. “He was—looking for some place to hide. He found me.”

Arthur looked shocked, and he had this wildness then, something unhinged about it, just around the edges, like he might snap. She hadn’t seen it much before. But then he softened when he looked at her. He put some of the hair behind her ear. It calmed him down. “Are you all right?”

She nodded. “I’m fine. He didn’t—it was scary, but he didn’t do nothing to me. Dutch came in time. Killed him, obviously.”

Arthur sighed, real serious. He went over to Dutch then, stepping over Colm'd body. He got down to one knee to try and figure out what was going on. “Dutch,” he said. Dutch was unresponsive. He snapped his fingers. “Dutch. You conscious?”

Finally, he looked up. His head sort of swiveled. He blinked and exhaled. “Arthur.”

“You okay?” said Arthur. He reached around into his satchel, handed Dutch a canteen of cold water. Dutch took a drink, gave it back, wiped his mouth on his sleeve.

“I'm fine,” he said. He got up again. Arthur helped him to his feet. “Jesus Christ.”

“You killed him,” said Arthur, testing the body with his boot. “Colm O’Driscoll. He’s dead.”

“Indeed,” said Dutch, breathing heavily, his hands on his hips. “Did we get Kieran?”

“Yes,” said Arthur. “Everyone’s outside.”

“Good.” Dutch nodded. “Very good, son.” He clapped his hand to Arthur's back, and then he turned around and proceeded to haul Colm O’Driscoll’s body up off the floor of the cave and over his shoulder. Arthur offered to help, but Dutch wouldn’t allow it. “Go on,” he said instead. “Both of you. Get. Let’s not spend another goddam minute in this goddam cave.”

He went out first, lumbering, but sure on his feet. Once he was out of earshot, Arthur said to Mary Beth, “What all happened here, exactly?”

She shrugged, slinging her shotgun over her shoulder. “I’ll tell you later,” she said.

He nodded, then he turned to her again, one more time before they left the cave. It was cold and eerie but they were alone. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he said.

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry, Mary Beth. I should’ve—”

“There was no way you could’ve known, Arthur,” she said. “I’m sure I was still safer here, in the grand scheme.”

He sighed, pulled her in again, real firm, kissing the top of her head. “You’re too brave, woman.”

She laughed at this. Truth be told, she was still shook up, but having him back, knowing the night was over—it was enough to sustain her. “Ain’t no such thing as too brave,” she said.

They were about to leave then, Arthur with his arm slung around her shoulders. But before they could get outside, Mary Beth thought of something. She stopped him.

“Something wrong?” said Arthur.

“I’m not sure,” she said, glancing around, as if making sure they were still alone. “It’s just—I gotta tell you, now. Dutch said something, while he was…strangling Colm. It worried me.”

“What did he say?”

“Well, first, he was just beating him up. He said it was for you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah,” said Mary Beth. “He said, ‘This is for Arthur,’ and then some other stuff. That part…that’s not what I’m talking about.”

Arthur seemed surprised, a little taken aback maybe. “What else did he say?”

“It was right at the end,” said Mary Beth. “Right before Colm…died. He said, ‘This is for them.’”

Arthur gave her a look. He lit a cigarette, gave it to her. She smoked, took a big, long drag, let the nicotine soak into her blood, calm her nerves considerably. “Them?” he said.

“Yeah, them,” said Mary Beth, exhaling the smoke. “Do you know of anyone else Colm might’ve killed, other than Annabelle? Who Dutch was talking about?”

“No,” said Arthur, shaking his head. He’d lit his own cigarette now, smoked and closed his eyes like he was trying to remember, but it was crickets. “No.”

Outside, Charles had steadied Kieran and they were sitting down on a long piece of driftwood and Kieran was drinking some water out of a tin cup. Kieran was bloodied up in his face, real good, and he looked shook to high hell, but he wasn’t shot, and he was conscious. He seemed to fill with considerable warmth when Mary Beth went over and sat down beside him.

“Hi, Miss Gaskill,” he said, real bashful.

“Hey, Kieran.”

“I’m sorry I—I missed our last reading lesson.”

She took his hand. She smiled, close to crying. She had a real soft spot for him, and she was very relieved. Maybe she knew somewhere deep down he had taken a shine to her, and she didn’t feel the same, but they were friends. She hoped he knew. “I was real worried,” she said.

“Arthur said it was you who lead the way.”

“I couldn’t’ve done it alone,” she said.

When Dutch hauled Colm’s body out into the advancing daylight then, Sadie went right over to him. She was all dirty, blood staining her neck and one whole side of her face, and she seemed full of pent-up rage and excitement. “You did it. You killed him.” She wiped her face on the back of her hand, sheathing her knife.

“That, I did,” said Dutch. “Colm O’Driscoll is dead. But there are many O’Driscolls, not just the thirteen we dispatched of tonight. They won't take kindly to this.”

“What you gonna do?” said Sadie. “If you’re going for more of them, you gotta bring me with you.”

“Calm yourself, Mrs. Adler,” said Dutch, placing his hand on her shoulder. “One step at a time.”

“What now, Dutch?” said Arthur.

“Now,” said Dutch, “we get the hell out of here. Charles, Sadie, the two of you bring Mr. O’Driscoll’s body down to the Sheriff’s station in St. Denis. There’s gonna be a considerable bounty on his head, and we’re gonna reap it.” He looked at Arthur. “Arthur, Mary Beth, the two of you get Kieran back to Shady Belle, and then I want you to…take a break. Take a vacation. Come back, if you will, please, but get out of the swamps for a week or two. Mary Beth, you been through enough.”

“What about you?” said Arthur.

“I’m—I’m gonna stay here,” he said, looking around. “I need to…clear my head. Get my bearings. I need a plan.”

“You can’t stay here alone,” said Arthur. “It ain’t safe. We're mighty close to Blackwater, Dutch.”

"I’ll be fine, Arthur,” said Dutch, looking up at him from beneath the low brim of his black hat. “Please. Take your fiancé, and leave.”

“Fiancé?” said Sadie, looking from Mary Beth to Arthur then back to Mary Beth. “You two engaged?”

This seemed to defuse everything, all the badness from the night and the uncertainty on the beach. It went away in an instant.

Arthur took a deep breath and scratched at his beard. He deferred to Mary Beth. She became self-conscious and blushed. “Yes, we are.”

“Well, congratulations,” said Sadie, real happy all of a sudden, slugging Arthur in the shoulder. She was coming to her faculties again and smiling, looking more like Sadie. But it was always a certain sadness, with Sadie—back behind her eyes somewhere. “When’s the wedding?”

“Wedding?” said Kieran, looking wobbly. He blinked, looked around, bleary-eyed but okay. “I’ve missed quite a bit, I guess. I need to catch up.”

"You need to rest,” said Arthur. “You been through a fair amount of hell back there.”

“And we ain’t—we don’t got specifics, Sadie,” said Mary Beth, shyly. “I’ll let you know.”

Charles patted Arthur on the back in a stoic manner. “That’s good, man. Real good.”

“Thanks, Charles.”

“Anyway,” said Dutch. “Now that we’re all here and together and established again like one big, happy family, it’s time to disperse.”

“We hear you,” said Arthur. “But I just—” He leaned close, lowered his voice. Dutch seemed out of sorts, and with all that stuff Mary Beth had said back in the cave, he was worried. “Are you sure you wanna stay here, by yourself? We’ll stay with you. It’s no problem.”

“I’m sure,” said Dutch. “Tell Hosea I’ll be back in a few days.”

Arthur nodded, hooking his gloved hands over his belt. "Okay," he said, unwilling to argue. He looked around as Charles and Sadie started deconstructing their camp. All seemed clear. It was a new day by now, with the sun up over the lake and soaking their insides with its warmth and renewal. A flock of geese had come down to roost by the water's edge. Some of them were going out and wetting their feathers. A bunch of little babies were waddling in a straight line behind their mother. Mary Beth came over. "Look at them goslings," she said, pointing. "See them, Arthur?"

A breeze came through, blowing her hair around. The air smelled good.

"Yeah, they're real cute," he said, smiling down at her. He asked Mary Beth if she would like to wear his jacket, as that breeze was chilly.

"I'm okay," she said, linking her arm in his, placing her head on his shoulder. "Thanks, Arthur." They watched the birds.

[rhina988]

Indecent Proposal - Chapter 5

Read from the beginning

Read Chapter 4

Jared’s POV

“Wow, that was crazy,” Melody said as we were driving away from the restaurant.

“You haven’t seen anything yet. Just wait until I post that pic of us holding hands,” I said and chuckled, “That’s when the real madness will begin.”

“You’re not helping,” she said obviously terrified.

“Relax, you’ll get the hang of it eventually,” I said and continued to drive.

“I’m not so sure. I never wanted to be under the spotlight,” she said and sighed, clearly worried about the way our situation will develop in the future. Somehow I felt like I should maybe comfort her, but I went with my incessant need to pick on her.

“Well, I guess you’re just gonna have to suck it up, won’t you now, wifey,” I said never taking my eyes of the road. 

But the moment I finished the sentence I felt a pit in my stomach. This didn’t feel right, as it would usually do, when I tried to make her feel bad. I could feel the despise coming from her eyes, even though I wasn’t looking at her. This felt even worse, but I just ignored the feeling and kept driving.

We remained silent for the rest of the ride. Luckily, her apartment wasn’t too far away from the restaurant, so we didn’t have to coexist in that awkward silence much longer. After a couple of minutes we were in front of Melody’s building.

“Thanks for the ride,” she said and opened the door, slowly stepping out of the car. I thought she’d say “goodbye” or something, so I just kept quiet. However, she just turned and I saw she was about to shut the door.

“You’re wel...” BAM! She slammed the door in the middle of my sentence “...welcome,” I whispered and looked at her entering the building, all devastated and confused. 

“Hey bro. How did it go?” Shannon was sitting in the living room with Emma, talking about our next trip to NY.

“Fine, I guess,” I said and plopped on the couch. This lunch was kinda exhausting.

“Details, Jared, we need details,” Emma said and put away her lap top.

“She said yes, we’re announcing the engagement tonight, she’s moving in tomorrow. Satisfied?”  I asked and raised my eyebrows, obviously annoyed.

“Good. Now I can plan the wedding,” Emma said and took her phone.

“Just please as smaller and intimate as possible...” I suggested and then remembered why we’re doing this in the first place “...or whatever you feel it has to be,” I added and leaned my head against the back of the couch closing my eyes for a moment.

“So, how did the future Mrs. Leto reacted to the whole arrangement?” Shannon asked me and as he said Mrs. Leto, my heart skipped a beat  “Things are moving kinda fast, huh?”

“She thought that too, but I explained that’s what we have to do, and she was fine,” I was trying to be brief.

“Hmm, you’re awfully secretive. What’s going on in that head of yours, little brother?”

“I’m just tired and overwhelmed. Oh, and not to mention, I’m getting a wife in 10 days, my life turned upside down and all that,” I sapped at Shannon and got off the bed heading outside for some air.

A wife. I’m gonna have a wife. This was so crazy, that it somehow made me feel comfortable from time to time. The more I thought about it, the more I grew to like the idea. I’ve always thought about settling down, but not one girl was able to do that. And now when I think about my life with Melody, I can feel this strange warm feeling in my stomach. Like it’s the right thing to do. She does, however, look like a type of women who’ll know to take care of her man. Too bad our marriage won’t be like that, but maybe she learns to feel a bit less repulsed by me. 

Suddenly I heard a door opening.

“You OK”, Shannon walked behind me, tapping me on the shoulder.

“Yeah, just thinking”.

“About Melody?”

“Yeah,” I said and chuckled, “She’s so innocent in all this, so devastated and confused I think.... and I didn’t do a damn thing to make her feel more comfortable,” I said and set by the pool dipping my legs in the water.

“Do I hear a guilty conscious speaking? ” Shannon asked and sat right next to me.

“Maybe... a little, I don’t know. All I do know is that I simply can’t help it. Whenever I’m around her I just push her away with my behavior”.

“That’s what you call a defense mechanism, brother,” Shannon said and splashed a bit of water with his feet. I looked at him confused, waiting to hear an explanation.

“What do you mean...” I said and raised my eyebrows pointing the obvious. I had no idea what he meant by that statement.

“You’re afraid of commitment.”

“Really? That’s your big answer? ” I said and giggled.

“Mhm. You’re deliberately teasing her and doing everything in your power to make her hate you, so she doesn’t fall for you. Because if she loves you back, you’ll have to commit and engage in a relationship, which terrifies you in the first place, considering you’re living this life of a rock star/actor/ whatever celebrity person, ” Shannon said and his words suddenly made sense. I didn’t say a word, just tried to wrap my head around all this.

“Um... when did you get your psychology degree, if I may ask,” I was trying to be funny.

“Ha, ha ... make fun all you want, but you know I’m right”.

“Oh, and what did you mean by, love me back”

“Don’t play dumb with me little bro. As I mentioned the other day, we all know you have feelings for Melody. If it was subconscious before, now it’s definitely lurking around your mind, and your heart of course.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I tried to deny it, but I knew it was in vain. Shannon knew me better than anyone else did, and the only one ridiculous in this conversation was I.

“Whatever you say, J” Shannon smiled at me, knowing I bluffed. “So, where’s the lucky girl now? Why didn’t she come over?”

“You’re kidding right? I’m sure she’ll only spend the nights in this house after we get married. She can barely look at me right now.”

“It’s funny though. I’ve been thinking, and we don’t actually know a single important thing about her. Where she’s from, what’s her family like, what’s she into... you know? We never managed to bond with her, like we did with Emma,” Shannon acknowledged and I thought about what Emma said the other day.

“Actually, Emma told me yesterday that Melody doesn’t have a family, but I didn’t get the chance to ask how come,” I was a bit sad about it. This made me feel even worse about giving Melody such a hard time every day.

“Wow, that’s terrible. Well, you’ll just have to get to know her better, then. And make her life much more bearable. Got it?” Shannon was kinda protective over Melody all of a sudden.

“I guess I’ll try,” I said and took a deep breath. Then I started to think about her life.

What happened to her family? What did she do when she wasn’t working? Does she have a bunch of friends, or just a couple? Does she like to socialize or not? Having in mind that she always appeared shy and delicate, I assumed she didn’t like to be surrounded by a sea of people. But who knows, that brave confident Melody from this morning did leave a strong impression on me. 

But then again, the fragile, tender Melody from the lunch, that was all alone in the world, and needed someone to take care of her, appeared even more attractive. This girl made me feel both like I want to hug her and save her from the big bad world, but at times I just couldn’t help but tease and pick on her. Why was I experiencing so many different emotions all at once?

Melody’s POV

I was finally back in my apartment. This lunch was by far the most emotional I’ve had in my life. Is this what the next year is gonna be like? All acting and false pretenses? I feel like I’m already losing my mind when I try to put on a brave face, and convince Jared I’m stronger than I actually am. I never lied, made things up and had the need to be somebody I’m not. This is not gonna be at all easy for me. Jared must be thrilled to act around and put himself in a whole new challenge with the role of a happy hubby, but I’m not an actress. I hate pretending to be the person I’m not, and will never be even close to. But I guess I’m gonna have to be an Oscar worthy actress, if I want to help Jamie. All I have to think about is him. This is all for his sake, and so that I can see him happy, healthy and with his family.

I changed to more comfortable clothes, and took my phone to call Emma. I needed tomorrow morning free, because of Jamie’s surgery, and I was hoping she’d understand.

“Hey Emma, it’s Melody”

“Hi, doll, what’s up?” she asked me and I could hear her moving. Was she still with Jared, and she didn’t want him to know I was calling?

“I was wondering if I could get tomorrow morning free? I know I was absent today, unplanned, but I have kind of an emergency in the morning, so...”

“Is it something serious?”, she sounded worried.

“Um... yes, something like that, but I can’t really tell you what it’s about. I mean, I’m fine, don’t worry, I just need the morning free. Is that OK?”

“Sure, you can take the entire day off. But you’re working overtime after that.” , she chuckled, I knew she would never hold that against me. She was such a sweetheart. Plus I’ve never had an unplanned day off before, so this was really a unique opportunity.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ll make it up to you, I promise,” I smiled and sighed in relief.

“No worries, see you in two days”, Emma said and hung up.

The next morning

I had barely slept last night, I was too nervous about Jamie’s surgery. I couldn’t wait for my alarm to go off so I could get up, take a shower, and go to the hospital. When it finally signalized, I jumped off the bed, hit the bathroom, and was done literally in 10 minutes. I decided to have coffee at the hospital; I couldn’t wait to be there by Karen’s side. She needed all the support in the world. Knowing that your husband’s and son’s lives hang by a thread, and all you can do is sit and wait is by far the worst feeling in the world, I imagine.

I threw on my black leather pants, grey t-shirt and black leather jacket with my black sneaker wedges. That was the most comfortable yet decent enough for the hospital, and in case Emma needed me to come to work. I took my plaid scarf because the weather was cloudy and windy, and it seemed like the rain might start any minute. The day seemed to perfectly describe the way I felt inside. Gloomy, worried, devastated and full of fear.

When I got into the hospital I saw the doctors taking Jamie to the surgery, I didn’t even managed to tell him anything. Karen was standing in front of Jamie’s room watching the nurses and doctors take her little boy to the OR. I came close and gave her a hug.

“Melody, you made it” she was relieved she had someone to be with her.

“Of course. I took the day off. How’s Jack?”

“He was OK, they took him in, a couple of minutes ago. This is gonna be really long an tough day” she said and sighed.

“I know. Are you maybe hungry? Do you want to go to the cafeteria and grab something to eat? Or drink coffee maybe?”

“Coffee sounds great,” she said, ”I need something to warm me up”

We went to take some coffee and try to distract one another from the idea that most important persons in our lives were going through most dangerous hours in their lives. We’ve spent two hours chatting, always going back to talk about Jamie and Jack. At one point, we would talk about girl stuff, but somehow we would always go back to the two of them, and then we’d cry a bit; just the mere thought something might go wrong during the surgery drived us both crazy. At one point, I heard my phone buzzing. I got a text from Jared.

---

Where are you? Why didn’t you come today?

---

I just ignored it. This was the first time he ever texted me and I get this kind of message. Who did he think he was to ask me something like that? Then I realized he had probably posted the photo from lunch, last night, and I failed to tell him I won’t be at his place before this evening. Still, Jared was the last thing on my mind, and I couldn’t handle dealing with him now. But, Jared being the way he is, he insisted on texting for the next half hour, with me still ignoring

---

Why aren’t you answering me?

---

Where the hell are you?

---

Are you seriously ignoring my messages?

---

Emma just told me you are coming tonight. We’ll need to talk about that.

---

After half an hour the messages finally stopped, then Jared called me. I ignored the call as well. I was so not in any condition to talk to him right now. Why was he so persistent? It’s not like the world would end if I didn’t answer him. Plus, if Emma told him I checked in with her, what was the big deal I didn’t answer him.

Another hour had gone by, and Karen and I became more nervous by the minute. We were sitting in front of the OR, then pacing in front of it, then just leaned against the wall, and at some point, I was even sitting on the floor. The anticipation was killing us. No doctor, no nurse, nobody would come to tell us anything, and we somehow thought that was a good thing. It probably meant the surgery was going as planned... 

But then the doctor stepped out of the OR with the most terrifying look on his face. Karen and I got up, looked at each other, and hugged. Our hearts raced like crazy, the doctor seemed as if he was walking in slow motion. He huffed and wiped his forehead as he was stepping towards us, clearly nervous and overwhelmed.

Read Chapter 6 

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