#I look down on it and I'd never support a relationship like this irl and even if I try my best (to my own giddyness)

[amberinn]

like a really fucked up post about my experience with bullying, that sort of shines some sort of light on my own viewpoint of acenico ?

Not like. Formatted or argued. I may be bad at essays. p much just traumadumping, whoops.

Tw: I'm not writing that rn, ill just do that later

Is anyone elses experience with bullying, when five people are surrounding you, insulting you, asking you questions you KNOW are to make you seem like you're stupid, like you're socially dense

siding with the bully, and playing along with the charade, answering those questions earnestly, mentally collapsing, physically attacking people (throwing pencil cases at them, pencils, trying to kick them in the groin, trying to punch them)

getting insulted, getting stolen from, sweating and being nervous trying to plead with the person who has stolen your project, to please, open up your bag, while the entire class stares at you, and he's smiling---

being a pushover, a doormat

not realising when your teachers are calling students retards, when they tell you all half of your class will not pass high school, when the math teacher is openly laughing at a boy, for getting a question wrong, asking him how he passed sixth class, when the teacher is yelling at you all, angry each lesson

that it's. god that it's wrong.

to do that, because how could it be? my ma does that.

ma stands in front of my doors and shouts and yells and blames me, insults me for hours.

ma did stuff like feed me lies about my aunt, angrily shout at me, and then do a 180° and tell me the prettiest, nicest, most heavenly things about her, that she was just lying to my face (I'm seven, and I'm----) that she was jealous, that I like her sister so much, because she's the one always taking care of me, she's my mom.

always feeling like you've messed up, asking your aunt if you were good, because you don't know what you're doing wrong, and why the other kids have peace and you don't.

Why have you turned out wrong?

The recluse? Why are you ostracized? Why are you isolated? No one else is.

It's your own fault, you should have been strong enough to defend yourself against the people harassing you.

It's not their fault, because they have free will and they've chosen to do that to you. It's your fault for not being strong enough, good enough, to take it, it's your own responsibility to not get harassed, you cannot defend yourself verbally.

You are weak, that's what's wrong. You can't tell your parents that you're getting bullied at school. You shouldn't. If they keep on insulting you, you'll learn to talk back

The hallucinations. Feeling your emotions snap out of you, as you become numb, going on auto pilot. Wanting to harm yourself for years, visibly losing yourself in imaginations, hanging by the neck in the class, so everyone could walk into school and see that they've hurt you.

a corpse bleeding out. the classroom ruined, so they could see that they've hurt you.

Going out of your way, killing your class. Watching as your teacher isn't going after you, as no one is going after you, because you've murdered someone, you're holding a dangerous weapon,

vividly imagining stealing a car, running away from the police, high speed. car crash, death.

dying. snapping your classmates neck.

suicide notes, over and over and over and over, blaming those people, just to hurt them, because fuck graduating, fuck not hitting them, fuck my future, I could die in 8th grade. I should die in 8th grade.

.....breathe in.

Getting told by your therapist, that if you've killed yourself, if you were hanging, or brutalised, a corpse in your previous class

No one would care, they'd laugh at your body.

The overwhelming feeling of hopelessness that surrounds you as you hear that, because you are truly defenseless. hurt. unable to get back at the people who've hurt you. for years.

The mistake.

The agression.

The choice to throw away your care, because the one thing you can save is yourself. If everything goes to shit, the only thing you can salvage is you.

If you don't care.

Then you can save at least one person. You.

Thinking that if you can make the choice, to have everyone else take your pain away, you'd do it

The shit you've done. The apathy at it all.

Constant masking, constantly needing to have everyone elses approval, to have people who are willing to look down upon your potential harassers.

Because if you're the victim, and everyone else sees you as the victim, and not the bug underneath their shoe to be squashed, then you have social pressure as your protection against the thing that's been haunting you for decades

Infiltrating the spaces of all those people, who you have seen as "normal" those who do not get bullied, those who aren't targets.

Always selling yourself as exactly that.

[iminyourwallsbabe]

Alright it's been several months, it's time for me to do part 2 of the Meljay/Goldenforge analysis post a.k.a the "Why Jayce is a fucking bottom" post

It's time for..

Mel beating the disposable black gf allegations

Nah because that take actually pisses me off. First of all, it ignores so much of her character and just dumbs her down to a narrative push, and two, it's just not true??? Let's get into it

We don't get a lot of them in season 2, but the moments we do get with them mean so much. Starting with the beginning, I think there's something to be said about how in the wake of all the destruction, the first thing they pay any mind to is each other. This isn't to say they don't care about anyone else, I'm sure they do, but their priority is each other. And Viktor, of course. The second they kind of get their shit together after the explosion, that's who they look for.

Now, you could easily take this as a Meljayvik thing, and I would absolutely support you because I believe Jayce has two hands BUT this is a Meljay post, so we're gonna look at it from just that perspective.

This mixed with Mel saying "He'll come back to us" later on, further emphasizes their dedication to each other. All things considered, Viktor's life isn't really her problem. It never has been. Shit, she could have completely ignored Viktor from the jump, but because he's important to Jayce, he's important to her. Even if she doesn't personally feel that way (which for the record, I don't think is true. She absolutely cares about Viktor and didn't need to meet Jayce to do it but some people think otherwise). Being a part of Jayce's life and the "Hextech dream" means facing the challenges that come with it alongside him and Mel does that. Especially then, when he's at his lowest. His trust in her is justified.

After this point, they go on their little side quests and whatnot and I don't have too much to say about that. At least not in terms of them as a couple, as individuals there's a lot. It's cute that while he was off playing irl Dark Souls he hallucinated her though. Bro was tweaking out and still had his girl on his mind, that's lovely. ANYWAY, onto by far my favorite moment with them. Like out of everything, this stays in my mind rent free.

So once they're back together and catch up, they get into it a little bit. Jayce has survivor's guilt and he projects that onto Mel, which wasn't fair to either of them. Mel has a similar problem, she has no idea why this power she had wasn't used on someone who needed it most. She barely understands it now, even with the context she got. She could have saved Viktor and by extension the world, but *something* prevented it. Was it her? It's safe to say she might have thought so.

He later apologizes for that, and the conversation that follows is just GORGEOUS. Mel told him she feels like a passenger in her own life, that things were being dictated for her, even though she tried so hard to try and create a future for herself (Side note, this is where I got the idea that she envies Viktor's ambition. I talked about that in a Melvik post. Just thought I'd explain that). And then Jayce says the line that is constantly on loop in my head. "There is no force in the world that can control you."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Like hello???? What a way to tell somebody you love them.

I say that because that right there encompasses the very fundamentals of their relationship. Jayce loved Mel because of her drive, her conviction, her precision, the way she stood up for not only her dreams but his as well. Nowhere in his time knowing her did he ever see her as someone who could be tamed or molded into something she didn't ask for. Remember how I said last time that Mel does almost everything on purpose? That it's all intentional? I think Jayce noticed that too. In his head, with all of that in mind, there's no way she could be a passenger.

Every time I think of this, I think back to season 1, when she asked him "Why did you come to me with this?" And he replied "Nothing feels impossible with you." It says to me that seeing her and the way she navigates life is motivational to him. He keeps going because she does. He keeps fighting back because in his mind, Mel would never let anything hold her back.

And if that isn't love, I don't know what is.

Romantic, platonic, I don't care what you call it but the fact that she is his reason to keep going is real love at it's finest. It both breaks and warms my heart to know that was the last thing he said directly to her before he died.

And it's why I'll never believe even for a second that Mel is the "disposable black girlfriend". To be honest, the only way she was disposed of was by the fandom. When y'all say she's "getting in the way", when y'all tear up her funko pop because you wanted something else, when y'all treat her like the fuckin anti-christ because you think she manipulated Jayce when that isn't even by far the worst thing anyone's done in this show. For fucks sake, Jayce killed a child and Viktor eradicated the human race! It's fine if you don't like her but keep that same energy, hold the same standards for everybody else. And for the love of god, stop calling her disposable.

Mel was never pushed aside for the sake of an endgame ship, not in canon at least. She was loved till the very end.

[taintedcigs]

GETAWAY CAR — rockstar!e.m. x f!reader

CHAPTER EIGHT: MADE YOUR MARK ON ME

← prev chapter // next chapter →

✦ summary: in which you and eddie try to navigate the aftermath of the kiss (wc: 5.8k+)

✦ warnings — angst, ANGST, FINALLY SOME DESERVED FLUFF n then angst oops, a little bit of argument but v tiny, uhmmm smut, p in v, unprotected sx (wrap it up irl), lots of praises, kinda rough. body worshipping? idk. eddie and p are an old married couple, drinking, smoking/weed, thats it i think.

✦ pairings — rockstar!eddie munson x fem!reader, past billy hargrove x fem!reader

✦ authors note — @andvys my angel thank u for all ur love & help💗🙏🏻 not proof-read i tried but i cant do it. pls ignore all mistakes. i honestly have a love-hate relationship w this chapter BUT ENJOY!!. also like... ily all for all the love on the last chapter omg?

anyway ily all pls interact + like + reblog to support me! i'd also LOVE LOVE to chat about anything abt this series, pls dont hesitate to send me an ask about anything mwah thank you for reading💗

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Minutes.

But it felt like hours. 

And you didn’t want it to be over.

Judging by the hold he had on you, calloused hands grabbing onto your flesh like a man-starved, neither did he. 

This was all he ever wanted. Ever since the day you flagged him over when your car broke down. Even when you were a bitch to him. Even when you rolled your pretty eyes at him. Even when you left him. All he fucking wanted was you.  

Always just out of his grasp, close but never close enough. And this? This was a dream come true. Fucking explosions and butterflies in your stomach type of shit that Eddie always mocked, that you always mocked. 

That scar in his heart that scabbed at the mention of you. Healed. All gone. One kiss from you and it was all back to normal. 

“Eddie!” A booming yell echoed in everyone else’s ears but you.

“Jesus fucking Christ, I swear I’m gonna kill him, Eddie where the fuck are you?” 

Was that… Gareth? 

If Gareth fucking ruined this for him, he was going to hang him by his balls, up on the wall, make sure he could never fucking—

“Eddie!”

And you pulled away, first, Eddie was going to fucking kill him now. A vivid torture method flashed across his mind. Even the adorable flustered look on your face as you drew a breath wasn’t enough to calm him down. 

“I—I think your set is about to-”

“Fuck the set,” Eddie spat, his veins still pumping with the need for you. Brain hazy, he was  never going to get enough of you, was he? A hunger that was never going to be sated. 

The lingering gaze was interrupted by Gareth, scoffing while he dragged Eddie away, ignoring the threats and the cusses that left his lips, the same gentle ones that were just stuck on yours, the sweetest taste, from the filthiest mouth. 

You really needed to shut your goddamn brain up. But how could you? 

His body was turned toward you, shirt stretched out—you did have a tight hold on him. Pale lips now a bit shiny from your candy gloss, stretched into the widest grin, eyes glinting with something you’ve never seen in him before. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it.

But it was beautiful. He was pretty. Tempting. 

-

You could barely comprehend Eddie’s words when his gaze on you was that striking. “We’re Corroded Coffin, thank you and goodnight.” Slipped past your ears, you didn’t care, you needed him. 

What happens now?

Lingered in your mind, you wanted him to rush to you like you’re in a fucking rom-com, lock your lips in a dizzying kiss, again, you didn’t fucking care. You wanted more. You needed more. 

You could feel the eyes of everyone, including Steve’s impatient nail-biting, dying to know what the fuck happened between the two of you. Yet they didn’t dare to ask you until Jonathan and Nancy had left since the rehearsal dinner was tomorrow. And ever since they were gone, Robin and Steve had been teasing you nonstop, trying to make you crack.

Clearly, something had gone down, and the co-dependent idiots had to know. 

“He looks like he’s going to eat you.” Steve hummed, making you roll your eyes at him.

You were about to give him a smart-ass answer, but of course, he didn’t let you. “I bet if I laid one hand on you, he’d end up here in seconds.” Steve barked out a laugh, Robin joining him as you threw them a dead-set glare.

“It’s not like that—we haven’t—he won’t.” Your frustration was interrupted by a grinning Steve.

“Oh, yeah?” Steve teased, his hand quick to brush away the strand of hair away from your face, fingertips gently brushing against your cheeks, making heat flutter to your cheeks.

“Steve!” you protested, your gaze widening as you chided him, while Robin playfully counted down from ten by your other side.

Steve ignored your protests, throwing an arm over your shoulder and pulling you into a side hug. You attempted to push him off with a scoff, but he was relentless. 

“Three… Two…” Robin's counting came to a halt, and your childish squabble with Steve ceased as a deep voice interrupted.

“Mind if I borrow her for a bit?” The metalhead’s gravelly voice cut through the air, his gaze shooting daggers at Steve, who only smirked, much to Eddie's obvious dismay.

“Eight seconds,” Steve murmured in your ear, you could almost feel his stupid smirk forming on your ear shell, prompting a huff from you.

“She’s all yours, man,” Steve chuckled, releasing his hold and retreating with Robin, leaving the two of you alone. Eddie scoffed at Steve's retreating figure before turning his attention to you. 

“What’s their damage?” His brows scrunched together as he watched Steve and Robin walk away, engrossed in their hushed gossip. 

“Do you have all day?” You asked with a roll of your eyes, earning a chuckle from him.

He liked this, he loved this, he missed this. Easy banter, shared laughter. 

“So… you goin’ home?” Eddie asked, nonchalant, like his heart wasn’t thumping in his chest each time you stole a glance at him.

You nodded, keeping it simple, almost avoiding his gaze. His exaggerated reaction, a spat-out “What?” made you giggle. A melody he could never have enough of.

“Well, the night’s almost over, so…”

“Come with me,” He muttered, amber gaze like silk as it connected with yours.

“Where?” 

“Mi casa es yours or whatever the saying goes.” He grinned.

With a huff, “Yeah, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” you muttered.

“Why?”

“You know why.” You enunciated.

He raised a brow, “Enlighten me.”

“I—It’s late.”  

“So? That never stopped us before.” He shrugged, seemingly unfazed.

“Oh, c’mon Pinky,” he coaxed, “we never end nights this early, at least not until we’re a couple more joints in, smushed on the couch, putting on some old horror movie… I thought we were revisiting the past.” He hummed, puppy dog eyes staring at your soul. Shit. 

You shouldn’t. You fucking shouldn’t.

“Are you really gonna say no to gettin’ high with me, sweetheart?”

Sweetheart. Sweetheart. Sweetheart.

A nickname you had heard so many times before. Yet, it was different, the way it rolled off his lips making you almost jump in place.

“Okay,” you gulped, physically. Fuck.

He grinned, taking you by hand, fuck all, while you waved a shy goodbye to Robin and Steve, who watched it all with an all-knowing grin.

“Pay up,” Steve turned to Robin with his palm in front of her.

Robin snorted, “No fucking way.”

“Trust the process, Robin. Trust the fucking process.” Steve huffed, watching the two of you leave hand-in-hand.

-

As the two of you entered the familiar house, the sight of it brought enough memories that made you feel light-headed, a repository of memories flooded in your mind. 

“Is Wayne around?” you inquired, breaking the silence that clung to the space. Eddie, leading the way, answered nonchalantly, “Nah. At his girlfriend’s.”

Your eyes widened. “Wait what? Wayne has a girlfriend?” You exclaimed.

“Uh-huh, Hannah.” 

“Oh! That’s great!” 

“Yeah, he’s having sleepovers with her like a fucking teenager, I told him to ask her to move in, but he’s too chicken shit,” he scoffed. 

“Oh, come on.” You elbowed him playfully, “Be nice to him, he deserves this,” you said with a smile.

He nodded in agreement, “He does.” Then turned to you. “You want anything to drink?” You shook your head. 

You didn’t know why, and you didn’t know how, but a shyness appeared within you, propping up your elbows as you leaned against the kitchen counter, watching him intently. 

With a shrug, he opened the fridge, taking out a Schlitz, gaze on you dangerous when he popped it open with his teeth, barking a chuckle when you squirmed at the sudden, sharp sound. 

“Fidgety much?” He grinned, that damn dimple taking its place on the corner of his mouth, making all sorts of warmth flush to your cheeks, making you feel so timid under his gaze. 

You could sense the cockiness radiating off of him, it was addicting, and it was making you feel more and more shy under him. Because both of you knew why you were here, at two fucking A.M., dismissing everyone else, flirting and bickering all the way home. 

Yet, since you entered the familiar trailer, you had been silent. Because you knew, you fucking knew that kiss changed everything. But this would seal it. Another step forward. A territory the two of you had never crossed before. 

And your mind was not being kind to you, screaming at you to stop, to run, to not fucking do this, because you’d end up hurt, because someway somehow he’d end up hurting too, but Eddie wasn’t having any of it. 

Your silence made him cockier and cockier, drawing you in more and more. And if he kept it up, you knew even your idiotic abandonment issues wouldn’t be enough to stop you from jumping on him. 

You wanted this, all your mind could replay was his fingers on that damn guitar, the way his mouth popped open that damn can of beer, the way his stupid plushy lips curled into a smirk. Shaggy bangs fell onto his forehead when he leaned on the counter, arms flexing with it. 

Stop fucking thinking about it.

“You gonna answer me or what, sweetheart?”

“Huh?”

“Jesus, you okay?” He asked, concerned, cornering you in the kitchen with his soft hazel eyes. 

Fuck. 

“Mhmm,” you hummed.

“You don’t seem okay.”

“‘M f-fine!” You answered too quickly and meekly for that to be the truth. 

“Don’t tell me you’re still mad at me.”

Yes. No. Yes. No. I think I crave you more than I’m mad at you, but I can’t let you know that, your thoughts swirled. 

“I thought—”

You interrupted all quippily, “Thought what? That kissing me would suddenly undo everything?”

“No…” He sighed, “I thought I proved myself to you.”

“You did, but that doesn’t undo it.” 

“Well, I forgave you.”

You scoffed. “You know forgiving me doesn’t mean shit if you bring it up every time I tell you  you did something wrong, right?”

Crossing his arms against his chest, “Can you blame me?” He muttered, almost defeated. 

“What would you do? If I up and left, would you just forgive me? Would you just trust me and act like it was all okay?” He tensed, words spilling out of his mouth like venom. 

And you narrowed your gaze, returning it back to him. “What would you do if I kissed Jason? I asked you that, yet you never answered. Would you still kiss me? Would you still write notes for me, knowing that Jason’s slimy lips were brushing—“

He was quick to wave his hands in front of your face, grimacing just at the thought. “Stop! Just fucking stop!”

“What, too much for you?��� You spat.

“Of course, it’s too much for me! T—the thought of him, anyone, being with you… makes me sick to my stomach.”

“Good, then I think we’re even!” You suggested.

“Even?” He scoffed,  “Is that all you fuckin’ care about?” He retorted, making you huff, once again.

“God, no! I just—I just mean we both did fucked up shit and from this point on we either move on, or we never talk to each other again, which we can’t seem to do!” You snapped, that anger from before had disappeared though, the kiss had softened things. Softened you. 

“Okay, then let’s just move on!” He took a step toward you, getting close again. So fucking close. 

You took a step back, your back hitting the marble counter, yet you remained on your angry stance. “Fine by me!” You retorted, all hastily. 

“That’s fine by me too!” He agreed, towering over you, trying to one-up you. 

“Good!” And, of fucking course you returned the energy. Stubbornness is exactly what defined the two of you, babbling like a bunch of kids over nothing. 

Eddie didn’t hesitate to take another step toward you, this time, both his hands on the marble kitchen counter, fully cornering you, as he grinned. “Great!” 

And you were about to answer, about to one-up him, like he did with you… but then you looked at him, really looked at him.

Looked at how fucking close he was to you, and you shuddered a deep breath, getting caught up in your throat when it reminded you of the kiss.

And that’s when Eddie realized it. 

You weren’t really mad at him. 

At least not really, not since the kiss.

You were nervous… because he was standing this close to you. 

A piece of dangerous information for Eddie—someone who had been in love with you since you were teens, to acquire, because it’d turn him into an arrogant fuck in a matter of seconds—even more so than he ever was.

“Oh.” The realization hit him like a ton of bricks, he was grinning like a devil now. 

“What?” You furrowed your brows, trying to have that annoyed stance from before, but it wasn’t working. 

“Why are you looking at me like—”

He was quick to interrupt, face inches away from yours. “You’re not mad, at least not that much, you’re… nervous.” He grinned.

“N—nervous? Why would I be nervous?”

“Because of me.” That stupid smirk on his lips returned

“Don’t be ridiculous—”

“What happened to that Pinky who refused to talk to me today? Who told me we couldn’t do this? Did one kiss soften you up this much?” He quipped, making you scoff.

“You know what? You’re an asshole.” You sneered.

“There she is.”

“When did you become this cocky, Munson?” You narrowed your gaze.

“I was always an arrogant fuck, sweetheart. But I’d say the kiss helped, like a fuck ton, and you squirming now, too.” He shrugged, like what he just said was no big deal, like how close he was to you didn’t make you gulp nervously.

You almost gasped, offended, like it wasn’t the truth. “I’m not fucking squirming—”

“Look at you… shuddering a breath just because I’m this close to you.” He barked out a chuckle, gaze dangerous, dare you say… lustful.

“Fuck you,” You spat, feeling small under his bashful gaze, cheeks heating.

“Well, I’m trying sweetheart,” He was quick, you had to give him that, making heat grow everywhere in your body, but especially within your thighs now, fuck, he was smooth.

And you weren’t willing to put up a fight, or a front, you wanted—needed him. You couldn’t deny yourself him any longer, not even your commitment issues were enough to hold you off. 

“You’re s—such a little shit,” You stuttered, embarrassingly so. 

God, you wanted to wipe his smirk off by kissing him, you wanted to feel his honey-flavored lips on yours again, you wanted to feel his lips twitch against yours instead of the air.

And he was close again, all in your face, all you had to do was lean a little bit and his lips would be on yours.

“And you’re an absolute pain in my—” 

Fuck it. 

You fisted his stupid shirt, crashing your lips down to his, dizzying, just as magnetic as before, but needier. His lips still tasted the sweetest, yet mixed with the bitter taste of the beer on his tongue made you grow weak in the knees. 

You were about to open your mouth fully, to feel his greedy tongue on yours, but much to your surprise, Eddie pulled away, making you whine.

“Wait—” He faltered.

“What?”

“Do you want this?” He asked

“Yes!” Your voice raised an octave.

“Tell me you want this.” His gaze was serious.

“I do,” you breathed.

He scoffed. “No, I wanna hear you say it.”

“Eddie—” 

“I wanna hear you, or we can just pretend like none of it happened, I can forget the kiss we can just sit around here and—” 

I want to know if you’re in this as much as I am, is what he meant.

“Jesus you’re so fucking—” You scoffed, but he actually backed away, your eyes widening at him.

“W—wait!” You pleaded.

An awaiting grin sat on his lips and you rolled your eyes at him. 

“Of course I want this, Eddie. I’ve wanted you for five fucking years, I wanted you the moment I laid eyes on you—okay wait maybe that’s a lie because you really were annoying the first time we met but I wanted, no, I want you—”

His mouth crashed against yours, interrupting you in the best fucking way. His lips felt warm, hot almost. Skin burning everywhere where he touched you, leaving goosebumps in its wake. 

“So eager, princess, already begging for me, hmm?” He taunted, making you roll your eyes in an instant. 

“Just shut up you, asshole.” He grinned, mouth crashing down on yours once again. Much more gentle this time, but rough enough to have your chests pressed together. 

His lips only left yours to be reattached to your neck, leaving a trail of kisses from your chin to your cheekbone. “‘M sorry, sweetheart, I just can help myself you’re so—” He mumbled, voice muffled by your skin. 

He lifted you up, strong hands meeting behind your waist in one harsh move, making you yelp before you wrapped your legs around him, he kissed you like he never had before, all teeth, and no mercy, passionate yet still gentle in somefucking way. 

He pivoted while trying to get to his bedroom, making you chuckle into the kiss, pining you against the wall, and it was all so desperate and messy. And just so you. 

You wanted to discard your dress but he wanted to rip it off, wanted to grab onto your flesh, and feel you, completely. Drink you in. 

He stumbled inside his room, knocking over a few boxes, and sending them over to the other side of his room. Not that either of you cared enough to break the kiss, at least until Eddie plopped you down on the bed, a grin overtaking his lips at the sight of you. 

“You’re so pretty, so fucking beautiful and just—” He took a deep breath, words were failing him, his entire being captivated by you. 

His mind was spiraling, cheeks almost a salmon pink. Eddie had sex countless times before, but none of them meant anything. None of them left him this speechless, none of them made him nervous. It was like his first time, the way his breath got caught in his throat, cock stirring at how pretty you looked, stomach fluttering at how he was on top of you. 

“You have no idea how long I wanted to do this. How long I’ve wanted you… How perfect you really are.” He towered above you, and your breaths mingled, bodies tied, chests pressed against one another. 

You wanted to joke around and tease him like he did with you, but you couldn’t help the flutters in your stomach. All you cared about was whether he thought if all of that was. Did he really see you like that?

“You mean that?” You asked, almost shy, wanting to hide your face, but he just gave you a scoff, like it was the most unbelievable thing ever.

It was to him. 

“‘Course I do, Jesus, Pinky I basically worshipped—” He placed a soft kiss on your lips. “The ground you walked on.”

You drew in a breath, “I—I wanted you just as much.”

“Fuck, sweetheart,” he groaned. 

“Don’t say things like that,” he warned, shaking his head. Did you not know the hold you had on him? Even still? He was wrapped around your finger, always has been. Always would be. 

“Don’t think I’ll be able to control myself.” 

“Then, don’t, please, Eddie, I want you, more than anything.” 

That was all he needed, low grunts escaped his lips. He attacked your lips hungrily, desperately, twirling his tongue with yours, needy and passionate. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he cursed, hands meeting behind your back to unclasp your dress, and you helped him get rid of his clothes, your fingers fiddling as they struggled to take his shirt over his head. 

It was all messy, stupidly impatient, making both of you giggle while you struggled to get rid of the clothes that were keeping both of your bodies away from each other. 

“So impatient,” you mocked with a chuckle, enjoying the way his eyes boggled your body, it wasn’t disrespectful, you didn’t feel the intrusion as you did with every other fucking guy you’ve been with. Just pure appreciation and your stomach flipped with excitement. 

Fuck, what was he doing to you? 

He drew in a breath when your chest rose up and down, he felt like he was watching a ping-pong match, eyes darting over to every part of your body, he wanted to engrave it in his mind. Have you there forever. 

He could barely comprehend it, you, stark naked, on his bed. Telling him you wanted him, more than anything. And you looked perfect. Fucking perfect. More than he could ever imagine. All those years he spent thinking about you. 

The girls he fucked were always a spitting image of you. It wasn’t a fucking coincidence. He couldn’t get his mind off of you. You made him feel out of his head, and fucking finally, it was happening. 

Cold rings ghosted over your chest, making you gasp. “So—” His head dove into your breasts, latching his tongue on one nipple. “Fucking—” His hand dove down to your panties, discarding them without care before he ghosted over your slit, still waiting for some approval from you. “Perfect—” He hummed, against your nipples, making you mewl. 

“P—please, Eddie,” you muttered, pathetically. 

His eyes shot up at you, amber gaze dark, wanting, needing you to tell him exactly what you needed. “Need you to fuck me, please.”

“Baby,” he rasped, jaw almost hung open with how forward you were being. His cock was trapped in his boxers, needing room with the way words fell like silk from your lips. The nicknames were new, especially something like ‘baby’ but it felt so familiar, like the two of you had always been like this. Like the last five years didn’t exist.

This was all the confirmation he needed, his ringed finger met your entrance, and you whimpered at the slight sensation, your entire body burned with need at his one touch. 

His soft lips trailed down from your chest to your belly button, tongue leaving nice strokes on his way to your pussy, making you arch your back in desperation. 

“Need more, Eddie,” you whined, a pout apparent on your cheeks.

“That desperate, huh?” He grinned, pad of his thumb still toying with your clit, earning gasps out of you. “Haven’t even done much, yet you’re soakin’ my fingers, baby,” he added, that taunting tone making you roll your eyes.

“Arrogant fuck,” your voice came out as a squeak, making him let out a greedy chuckle. 

He inserted a finger inside of you, enjoying the gasps he earned. “You know, I always thought that attitude of yours needed a fix?” He hissed, ringed finger curling inside of you, making you squirm at the coldness as you bucked your hips for more. 

You didn’t know what took over you, or him. The dirty talk just rolled out of your lips like it was natural like the two of you had been together for the longest time. 

It was all the pining, anticipation, and the pent-up desire. And it was making both of you needier by the second. 

“Then do it, fuck it out of me.” A low groan echoed in the bedroom, followed by a string of curses, Eddie’s entire body shuddering with it. 

His fingers left your clit, hands working their way to slip out of his boxers, a rough expulsion of moan released from his lips when his cock plopped against his stomach, making your mouth water at the sight. 

Shit, fuck, shit. 

You gulped, jaw almost wide open, making him cockier if that was even possible. His hands jerked at his cock, collecting the bead of pre-cum collected at his hot tip. “Gonna give this to you, is that what you want, sweetheart?” He taunted.

With a nod, you licked your lips, making his cock twitch in his hands. “I’ll fuck the brat out of you, don’t worry, honey.” His hand was about to stroke his cock again, but you were quick to shake your head. 

“Let me help,” you hummed, your smile and attitude all disappearing, a glazed look washed over your features as your soft hands fisted his length. 

“You’re gonna be the fuckin’ death of me,” he groaned roughly when your fingers stroked his rock-hard cock, until he couldn’t take it anymore and pushed you down on the bed and taking you by surprise before his lips re-attached to yours, hands slightly parted your thighs, teeth clashed together, and nibbling on each other's lips, before he finally, finally guided his cock against your entrance. 

Then, he stopped, making you furrow your brows when he reached for his bedside table, and you, unable to wait, were quick to stop him. “No!” His attention snapped back to you. 

“Please… I wanna feel you, ‘m on the pill,” you murmured, pupils blown wide, making Eddie curse once again before he blabbed, nervousness spilling out of him. 

“O—okay,” He hummed, turning to you with a nervous look, “and just so you know I haven’t had—” Shit, he was going to ruin this. 

“I was tested not too long ago and me and Chr—”

“If you finish that sentence I swear to god, I will leave, Munson,” you warned, gaze narrowed and jealousy bitter in your veins. 

He scoffed, “I was going to say we haven’t done a—anything, you lunatic,” he wanted to joke, but words rolled out of his lips like a quick ramble. He couldn’t fucking ruin this. But, he had to let you know. You had to know that they didn’t sleep together.

And much to his surprise, with a grin on your lips, “Oh? I don’t know if I can say the same with me and Jame—” your joke was quickly shut up by a dizzying kiss, and his groan turned into a growl, filled with jealousy, making you giggle into the kiss.

Both of you were idiots. Total fucking idiots. Insane. Crazy. But, fuck, did it feel right, like dominos falling into place, this is what it should’ve been. 

He dragged you more toward the edge of the bed with his rough hands, finally guiding his cock to your entrance, wiping off that grin from your face, hunger taking over fully. 

“You think you’re funny?” He spat, and you nodded all sassily, “Laugh it up, doll. But once I’m done with you, you won’t even remember the names of those other douchebags, I’ll fuckin’ make sure of it.” His arrogance was back, and that smirk played on his lips, shutting you up once again. 

He pushed into you without a warning, making you cry out while your eyes squeezed shut at how good he felt. Your pussy wrapped his cock nicely, so warm and tight that Eddie had no fucking idea how he didn’t cum right then and there on the spot, a low groan escaped his lips. 

He dropped his head to your shoulder, frantic breathing escaped through his nose as he tried to adjust to how tight you were. 

Jesus, fucking Christ. 

He had to hold himself off. 

Your hands clawed at his back, enjoying the stretch while Eddie pushed himself inside of you at a slow pace, reveling in the way you mewled for him. 

Eyes already squeezed shut, mouth slightly open, lashes fluttering the more he drove his cock into you. You looked so beautiful. Ethereal. 

He was struggling to comprehend if this was all real. This entire fucking night. From the fight to the kiss to now. 

It was always back and forth between the two of you, but more real than anything he ever had. 

Pinky. 

His Pinky. 

He loved you, so so much, that his heart was about to explode, his body felt hot from everywhere you were touching him. 

“God, you’re so fuckin’ tight, sweetheart,” he hissed, pace picking up once you finally accommodated his size, eyes rolling to the back of your head. 

“Feels s—so good, Eds,” you whimpered. He caught your chin in his hands, tilting your face toward him, making your fuzzy gaze focus on him. “I’ve wanted this for so long. You, wanted you for so long, shit, honey.” 

“Tell me…” He muttered, licking the trail to your boobs, sucking on it with a growl. “Tell me that this changes everything. Tell me that we’ll never go back, and I’ll fuck you like you deserve it.” 

“E—Eddie,” you stuttered, still struggling to comprehend it when his cock was hitting spots inside of you that you didn’t know existed. 

“I…” You sucked in a deep breath, mind feeling mushy before Eddie groaned, tucking his hips back, pulling out of your warm pussy as you gasped at the feeling, just as you were about to whine, beg, he rammed himself deep inside of you, again. A grin appeared on his lips when you cried out in pleasure. 

Yet, his movements halted, as if he was giving you a taste of what might happen, and you wanted to cuss him out, tell him to never fucking stop again, cry out, beg for him to continue. Your body felt woozy with how much you needed him to fuck you, how much you desperately needed to cum. 

“Everything!” You cried out frantically, “E—Eddie, fuck, I d—don’t ever wanna go back, please…”

That was all he needed to hear. And he simply couldn’t wait any longer, deprive his body of you any fucking longer. His movements picked up with a low grunt, fucking into you roughly and fast, all animalistic as he held onto your hips, leaving bruises all over while he worked on your neck, sucking, marking you. 

Pleasure bursted through your body as Eddie’s thick cock dragged along your walls. Both of your eyes locked, emotions gathering in them. Panting as your foreheads connected, thinking the same thing. 

Those three little words begged to roll out of both of your plushy lips, yet too scared to ever utter them. His lips crashed down on you again, this time, just so that those three words didn’t escape his mouth, kissing you with such passion that your head grew light. 

“Pretty girl,” he breathed into your neck, “my pretty girl,” he growled. His cock was driven by a primal need to make you his, every touch meant something, every time he thrust himself into you, it was deliberate, rough, but gentle in some fucking way. 

Shallow breaths escaped your mouths in puffs, as you watched him drive his cock all the way into you, and you tightened up almost immediately, your pussy pulsing around him.

He groaned at the sight of you, mouth hung open, tits bouncing up and down, mewls coming out for him. You looked fucking beautiful, babbling to him about how you were going to cum soon. 

He pressed his middle finger to your clit, drawing quick circles as you whined for him, he was fucking good, and you could feel your walls swelling as you yelled out his name. 

Your screams were muffled by Eddie’s lips as a wave of pleasure hit you like a ton of bricks and the second you came undone on his cock, he fucking lost it. His groans grew guttural as he spilled his load inside of you, falling on top of you with a contented sigh as he made sure every drop of him was stuffed into your walls. 

Ragged breaths filled the room as Eddie slumped next to you, and you stared at the walls, a smile curved on your lips when the drawings you gave him were still there.

“You still have that?” 

“Of course.” His fingertips traced a delicate path along the canvas of your skin, gentle, and warm, pulling away that strand of hair that was hiding your pretty features, a smile formed on his lips, his gaze on you so soft that you almost melted into him. “I told you… your art matters, it’s the very reason, I am where I am.” 

As his words hung in the air, you looked up at him, and he gazed down at you. In that shared gaze, both of you knew. No words were exchanged, yet the depth of your connection bridged any gap.

Three words. Eight letters. 

You should say it, you should tell him first. Let him know, that you love him, always have, always will. Your lips, poised in anticipation, hovered let him now, to utter those words.

But he interrupted, a subtle pull drawing you closer into the cocoon of his embrace. “W—We should go to sleep… hell of a day ahead of us.” He cleared his throat, fingertips weaved through the strands of your hair, caressing it.

A day ahead of us. Us. Us. Us.

It’s promising, so fucking promising. Peaceful. Everything you asked for. Yet, it scared you, because it was good. All of it was almost too good to be true. 

But you wanted to shut that part of your brain off. No, because you weren’t going to ruin this for yourself again, you weren’t. 

You hummed into his chest agreeingly, the vibrations resonating into his chest, his scent enveloped you, fully, completely. 

And each gentle stroke of his fingertips through your hair was like a lullaby, making you give yourself into the security of his presence. It only took a handful of caresses for you to give into the sweet desire of sleep, nestled against his warmth.

-

You woke up next to a void spot in the bed. The morning sun burst through the lazily taped windows of Eddie's room, forcing you to squint against its intrusive rays.

A languid groan escaped your lips as you reluctantly left the warmth of the bed, lazily throwing on one of Eddie’s shirts as it hung well over your knees, making your way to the kitchen as you called out for him.

Silence greeted you.

You checked the fridge, hoping for a note, a hastily scribbled message, anything that might explain why he was gone. 

But nothing. 

At this point, your mind hadn't erupted into full-blown panic; there was no reason for it, or let your intrusive thoughts kick in, no, they were wrong, they had to be wrong. 

There was no way he’d leave you, he wanted this himself. He invited you over. 

And the two of you were supposed to go to the rehearsal dinner early. To help Jonathan and Nancy out. There was no way he’d just leave you like this.

Right?

Or maybe he regretted all of it and left in a panic.

You kept telling yourself the same lie until seconds melted into minutes, and eventually into hours.

And then, it finally dawned on you. 

Eddie didn’t leave a note because he didn’t want to see you.

He regretted everything.

That's why he left you.

[zenonaa]

idk if anyone has noticed the number of tofu fics (or fics in general) that i write/post has gone down in the past few years, but i want to kind of talk about that. i love togafuka. i love writing. my love for them has not diminished.

in early 2022, my mother was hospitalised and soon diagnosed with cancer. she came to live with me for the next 5-6 months during her chemo treatment and such. as well as helping look after her (and seeing her ups and downs) i was working a full-time job and looking after my younger brother a lot who is autistic and epileptic (the latter was diagnosed this year). my father worked and helped how he could, my sister helped my mum a lot but my sister and younger brother were in their early twenties at the time so i felt like a lot of the responsibility fell on me.

i appreciate the time i spent with my mother in that time, i would not change that, but it was very traumatic for me. my relationship with her wasn't always the best growing up, and i think she had mental issues that she refused to get help for that caused a lot of it (and i was a troubled kid too, well-behaved but depressed/socially anxious. also prob have autism). everyday i would see my mother get stronger, or weaker. i remember one night, my brother woke up crying (mum was in my bed, i was downstairs on a sofa bed and bro was on a beanbag bed) saying he was scared she'd never get better. i had to comfort him and support him a lot, all the while trying to be optimistic and keep myself together.

she was meant to have surgery to try to remove the cancer in october 2022, but it was cancelled due to her thyroid. in early december 2022, she went to have fluids drained and i went too. a nurse told her in front of me how they wouldn't resuscitate her which wasn't... great. anyway, she had to be moved to the hospital because she wasn't draining, and a bit before christmas, she told us that she was terminal. on my last visit to her (23rd), i forced myself not to cry and as i left, i said i loved her and i'd see her on xmas.

on xmas day, she passed away. the hospital had lost our phone number, so we found out when a friend who had been with her phoned us. can't describe how surreal that day was. she was supposed to come home after the hospital stay. she told me to make her bed at home. we were going to visit her on xmas. she was going to have chemo again in january. who's going to eat all her favourite foods in my fridge? what do i do with this walking stick? her clothes? her medications? how could i have saved her? why didn't i realise she was sick and get her checked out earlier? why couldn't i have been a better daughter? why must the radio sing christmas songs about this being the most wonderful time of the year, why must people get excited for this one day when my mother died? then i had to help with the funeral, choosing her flowers, choosing what she was going to wear when she was cremated. she won't see me get married (assuming i do) or her first grandchild. it's... a lot to process.

i've had other life events happen after this. i broke up with my ex after 7 years. i was ousted from my job and got a new one. i've resumed driving lessons, even managed to get the same instructor my mother found me 10 years ago when i first tried driving and stopped. so yeah. busy.

also i have been working on a novel. my mother when she was still alive was my biggest fan, she would sit with me and we'd go through editing together. my novel has changed a lot since she was alive, as my writing has improved etc. i've recently been considering self-publishing it. which is daunting because i have the charisma of a potato but i believe in this novel and most importantly my mother believed in it, even in its early stages. but that costs money - i should be getting a pay rise from work soon, but i might open writing commissions again to help fund this as it's not cheap lmao.

soooo my fic writing has gone down because i'm usually exhausted, busy with work and irl stuff, and still recovering mentally from life events. i still need to write my last tofu week fic, which will either be a mastermind au or little sequel story to elusive/mermaid au.

i don't really talk about my personal life here, but even if no one reads this, it was therapeutic to write at least haha.

[delawaredetroit]

Hi! I love your BNHA analyses! But I do have to say one thing about the licensing exam.

Your points about Todoroki would hold up... If most of what the manga is trying to communicate about his character hadn't already been resolved.

Todoroki already learned a) not to underestimate his opponents and b) to respect his teammates and fellow hero students. He learned the latter during the Sports Festival when his move against Sero drained him and during his fight against Midoriya. Not to mention the incident with Stain showed him (through Ida's situation) the importance of relying on and trusting others. And for the latter, he learned during the final exam. He took charge, messed up, and had to face the reality that someone else (Yaoyorozu) knew better and that he had to follow that someone's lead.

These faults were already acknowledged and addressed. There was no reason to do so again during the licensing exam. In fact, I would argue that it kept his character stagnant. His character didn't improve from the remedial courses- only Bakugo's did because that entire arc was about him, not Todoroki- and was left out of a major arc. This is also supported by him and Inasa- the reason he failed- barely interacting during the remedial courses. The only reason he failed was so that Bakugo wasn't the only one to do so. Because Horikoshi can never let Bakugo be the worst or fail at something/face consequences on his own.

(I would also point out that the way he failed and what you listed had nothing to do with one another. The only reason Todoroki failed was because Inasa held a grudge. He didn't actually do anything wrong except for engage with him for a little too long. And who wouldn't? This kid he barely knew and doesn't remember him is attacking him for nothing. How is he supposed to do the task at hand when another participant- that would irl be a fellow hero- is purposely sabotaging him?)

I agree with most other things you say, but Todoroki failing was something that shouldn't have happened. He was already humbled and learned better

I knew one of these would end up in my inbox eventually after I wrote this post.

Shouto has had a problem with cooperating with others since the beginning of the manga. An established character flaw like that doesn't go away over night just because he starts to address it.

It's true that he learned not to look down on his peers in during the sports festival. And he was able to work with Izuku and Iida during the Stain Arc, but Izuku was one of the closest relationships he had and Shouto trusts him with his life. After much handholding and being told directly what he was doing wrong, he was able to work together with a classmate who deeply respected him (Momo) during his midterm.

That's improvement for sure. But it in no way meant Shouto had the ability to work with people he didn't see everyday or who were hostile to him in particular.

As I've said, Shouto likely would have failed the midterm if he had been paired with someone else who also had difficulty with teamwork like Bakugou. That's likely the only way Shouto would have learned this lesson early enough to prevent a failure at the provisional licensing exam.

2. Whether Shouto's character improved from the remedial course arc is a separate question. I'd be inclined to agree with you that that arc was mostly for Bakugou and Inasa's sake.

3. On the issue of the reasons I listed and the reason he failed having nothing to do with one another.

Shouto made a series of mistakes during the licensing exam.

First, he immediately rejected cooperation in the first stage of the exam and bulldozed through it without thinking about what the purpose of this test was and what they were measuring. Because he is quite skilled, he still passed the first round anyway. But since he didn't consider the big picture at all in the first half, it put him at a disadvantage in the second half of the exam.

Second, he stirred up conflict between the tests by confronting Inasa (this was unintentional obviously, but this was the effect of his behavior).

Third, he rejected cooperation with Inasa during the second phase of the exam from the second he appeared, though that was a mutual error for both himself and Inasa.

Fourth, he was significantly distracted by a personal matter and got into an argument with another hero in the middle of a fight with a villain.

Fifth, Shouto and Inasa almost severely injured a fellow examinee who was incapacited and was in need of help during a rescue exercise.

To some extent, it feels unfair because the HSPC changed the scoring of the exam to weigh cooperation more heavily after Kamino and because UA doesn't value this as highly (see Bakugou not failing after attacking his teammate in the midterm), but there is an internal logic to it. Shouto was lacking in a main skill they were testing.

4. On how anyone would react to Inasa's provocation

It's not that Shouto's reaction isn't understandable, but he was in a licensing exam to become a type of first responder. People say and do dire things in emergency situations, and sometimes they make it personal. Yes, he shouldn't have taken the bait and he should have continued to focus on the task at hand because that was his job in this exam. He was asking for a license to save people's lives, so more can and should be expected of him. What Shouto demonstrated here was that he prioritized arguing over a personal matter over rescuing the civilians in this exercise. Of course they were going to fail him.

Again, Shouto is one of my favorite characters in BNHA, but he earned this L.

[allthistrashtalkmakemeitchin]

Kenonnie Playlist <3 Pt. 2

Dancing Queen ~ Kendall watches her dance when she thinks no one is watching. I thought it was funny and would play in his head.

Mamma Mia ~ Ronnie is hesitant to fall for him. It's not that Curt breaks her heart, but she's unsure if it will change anything. If this move will make the band fall apart of something. She also doesn't want to inevitably go through a breakup again.

Somebody to Love ~ This really just felt like a song Kendall would play while crying.

Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy ~ He is gentlemanly and romantic. He pulls out all the stops to make Ronnie feel better when Curt breaks up with her. And unintentionally, he acts as a boyfriend. To be honest, I also think this just encompasses Kendall's relationship vibes.

Me and My Husband ~ In a room filled with people who might not like Ronnie, she can lean back on Kendall being in her corner.

I Don't Want to Miss a Thing ~ "I could stay awake just to hear you breathing." God, Kendall doesn't want to stay away from her. But that's a mix of his dependency and his feelings. He's got issues to work out, but maybe he just really likes Ronnie

Our Song ~ Other than the title, it made me realize they need a song—at least in the BTRTV universe. Irl, all of these are their songs, in a way. I'd like to say the Ghostwriter is an AU, so it doesn't mess with canon, but Cover Girl is their song—or more like the song that Kendall wrote.

Why Do I ~ If they break, it is going to be devastating.

Skeleton ~ Ronnie and Kendall want to give each other strength and help each other for the better. They want to hold each other up when they fall. When one is down, the other will help.

My First Kiss (Feat. Ke$ha) ~ THEIR FIRST KISS WAS AWKWARD

Miss Piece ~ Ronnie and Kendall, for some reason, are like puzzle pieces meant for each other. They found a better version of themselves with the support of the other. "Cause when I'm in a room with you that missing piece is found"

Almost (Sweet Music) ~ In Kendall's phase of comparing Ronnie to Jo, for a second, he pretends that Jo is back. He tries to pretend that she never left. But Ronnie isn't like Jo, which ruins the illusion almost immediately. He doesn't want to fall for her and get hurt again.

Talk Too Much ~ I feel this song describes Ronnie, or how Kendall views Ronnie. When she drops her guard it literally seems like she talks too much, but she's comfortable with him. Even if she says things that are weird.

Love At First Sight ~ I don't- It wasn't exactly love at first site, but she was curious about him when she saw him because he was this mysterious, brooding emo blonde.

If You Like It Or Not (recommended) ~ Once they actually start dating, Kendall is exceptionally loyal. He's like a German shepherd. It almost scares Ronnie how much time he wants to spend with her and how affectionate he is because she isn't used to it. She isn't used to someone actually liking her.

Jealous ~ Kendall song. That's it. Also a good song. (JK) But for real, Kendall doesn't like that Curt is around her; he doesn't like it when he talks to her. Even though Curt and Ronnie are going out, Kendall wants him to back off and stay away.

Cover Girl ~ Said song that in this AU of sorts, Kendall writes it for Ronnie because she isn't the most confident and he wants her to not be afraid to be herself.

Say You Like Me ~ James ends up slipping up and letting Kendall know that Ronnie likes him, and now it's his mission to get her to say it. Ronnie refuses to admit it to herself, or admit it to Kendall's face. He just needs her to say she likes him, then he can tell her he likes her.

Haven't Had Enough ~ Their first try was toxic. When they break it off and still want each other, it gets very awkward very quickly because they aren't good enough. Kendall can't admit his feelings, and Ronnie always says what's on her mind. They start as a disastrous pairing.

B Team ~ They are the people they are looking for. Ronnie is the girl Kendall is looking for, and Kendall is the guy she's looking for.

Steal Your Heart ~ Kendall tries to convince her that he's a good option and the best she has, but not in a misogynistic way. He tries to knock her guard down.

Wouldn't Change a Thing ~ Kendall and Ronnie are like opposites attract, but not because of their interests. They fight a lot, and the fighting lowkey has some tension. Kendall wants to save the day and ignore his feelings, but Ronnie gets to the root of the problem before it worsens.

Oath ~ They have each other's backs. Even if they aren't dating, Kendall is always there to help her and vice versa. Ronnie is as reliable as he is.

Stuck Like Glue ~ I can see them literally getting glued to each other.

Meddle About ~ Okay, I feel awkward about this one because my response is they are horny like teenagers are. But I feel awkward saying that. I feel like I'm gonna get canceled, but I shit you, not. That is why this is on the playlist.

Still Into You ~ This relationship will be the one that haunts them into their adult years. Right person, wrong time. But perhaps at this time they aren't ready for the work they have to put in to be with each other.

Ancient History ~ Kendall reminisces about his relationship with Ronnie. I can see him getting a call or a text from her after a while, and it brings him back to the fun they had. But he'll fall for her again, and he wants to keep it in the past.

Juliet (recommended)~ Everyone knows they want each other. A couple of people try to get them together. Namely James, Guitar Dude, Lucy, and even Jo herself. It's kind of annoying watch them pine for each other but think the other doesn't want them.

Punk Rock Princess (recommended) ~ This gives me behind-the-scenes vibes. They run around with each other behind the scenes and try to pose themselves as professionals, but ultimately, their secret gets found out.

Right Where You Want Me ~ Kendall is wrapped around Ronnie's finger. He likes her; he's attached at the hip. He is like a dog. He follows her around and always volunteers first to do stuff with her. He will take any excuse to spend time with her.

Something About the Sunshine ~ They hated each other. Kendall takes her on a trip, trying to be nice. He hopes they can be better friends and she won't give him the cold shoulder anymore. Ronnie doesn't hate him as much, but he still hasn't apologized. She only tolerates him, for now.

[helpimhopelesslyinlove]

I know its ooc for this acc, but i need to vent, or ill do something stupid and potentially dangerous, so im here, baring my soul to stangers on the internet ive never met irl before-

I think I got too close to the sun becuase I feel like I'm in a free fall rn and I can't get a hold of anything and I know I'm about to hit the ground, hard, buti don't know when or how far the ground still is or if I'm even going to land on spill ground because what if I fall into a bunch of rocks and die or fall into the ocean, I never learned to swim properly, I can BARELY keep myself afloat, and I know I'm going to die anyway from how high up I'm falling but I don't know when it's gonna be and everyone keeps telling me that I've got this all I have to do is open the parachute but the cord isn't working my parachute isn't working I don't know what to do some of the people who are supposed to be here for me are sitting on the ground watching me fall with a smile and a bucket of popcorn, the others who would catch me can't because they're all the way across the world, and I don't know what to do but everyone expects me to, I should have my life figured out already, everyone else my age seems to, why can't I, why am I like this why can't I just fly like everyone else why did my wings have to fail so miserably when my support system is down and will take at least two to three years before they're back up I need help someone send help please I need to talk to someone and I can't bc the people who'd want to can't do anything about it and the people who could help are convinced I can do it myself I hat being the oldest daughter and the oldest cousin, why do I have so many people looking up to me as a role model I'm a terrible role model if anything I'm more of a warning Hazzard don't do that sign why do all the adults keep saying I need to be perfect so my little siblings and cousins have a role model why where was my role model because my parents sure as fuck weren't it and they're always saying they didn't raise a quitter, well no shit they didn't raise me I fucking raised myself I'm at a point where I can't even talk about this out loud without crying I litterally had a three hour anxiety attack+mental breakdown and my parents still think I'm perfectly fine why did I have to move everyone's always telling me to believe in God and I have but if not a single thing I needed went right how do I keep believing I don't feel like the sky or the statues are listening anymore and I'm happy they do listen for others and I'm glad other people have a good relationship with their religions and their parents and people in general becuase I feel like crying whenever my favorite teacher used to say I did a good job at an event or said she was proud of me becuae she's said, word for word, many many times "I know it's not my place to tell you, but your parents won't, I know, so I will tell you- I'm so proud of you" and i- thank you you have no idea how much it means to me, but much as I appreciate it, you're not who I need to hear it from and it makes me cry because my culinary teachers were better parents to me in the one year I knew and had them than my parents were my entire like and I don't think that's okay, or that i should feel like crying evrytime I see my friends or anyone having a good relationship with their parents and I can't take this anymore please save me from school I know I used to complain but I've never actually hated it and now just the thought makes me feel sick and I used to love going to school and learning but now I'd litterally have take prometheus' placement eaten alive by vultures everyday than go to school again please help i can't live through another year and a half of this torture please help I can't do this please

[l-tora-l-archived]

HELLO CUTIE WHATS UR MAIN BLOG, SHARE PLS XOXO

HIIII sorry for taking like ten centuries to respond to this but like tbh ;; Im quitting tumblr I think. (ALSO UNI PLS IGNORE THIS LOL ITS MAINLY FOR EVERYONE ELSE CAUSE I ALR TOLD YOU ID POST THIS HAHA😭🙏)

Mega explanation under the cut talking abt some of the trashy behaviour I've had to experience on this forsaken app over the years, but mostly how I feel about it so yeah if you don't care that's alr hope everyone has a good life, cause as I said I quit.

I deleted the new blog I ended up making bc this environment has never really been welcoming to me and I can 100% say that tumblr has actively made my experiences with practically everything irl AND online worse than any fruitful goodness it has or could ever bring. From putting my everything into relationships including comfort, support and psychological + therapeutic sessions for people even over ten yrs older than me (at times older) without even getting a single kind thought back, to the genuine rudeness of some people, to the (excuse my language) but half assed and crude responses I receive ... honestly the list is endless.

One thing I'm trying to get better at is to notice when my presence is clearly not wanted and act accordingly. It's just saddening that the one place where it's encouraged to be your true "nerdy" self, as the catchphrase of this site is, I am not allowed to be just that. I really do wonder what part of me is so incredibly intolerable or forgettable, that I am expected to practically grovel for even ten minutes of people's time - and that's with the closest people I know, forget abt ten minutes for regular conversation I can't even get ten minutes from the people I stood with through thick and thin with, even though I myself struggle really hard to be there and yet always am.

From now on I'll just say that no I will definitely not come back, I will also not use this account and if I ever DO come back it would probably just be a call out thread on SOME people who deserve jail time more than silly time on tumblr dot come /hj (but not rlly hj hahejdsj this is so srs and continues to impact my life after almost 2 years ... but ugh what.ever.😀👍). But I'm also a coward ngl so like that would never happen !

I would say "oh btw I have this account you can keep in touch on ! :>" but truthfully, I am so let down by how uninteractive, uncaring and exclusionary everyone is no matter how hard I try to do the best I can to treat others how I'd love to be treated, and how I basically am sweating to keep convos going, bc in truth I don't think anyone rlly likes me enough here or anywhere really to even want to talk to me in general, so I'll spare you all that. The proof is literally in the fact that I've amassed a sizeable following which I am shocked with, yet despite it all I feel so lonely bc nobody even bothers with me at all whilst ppl who just start out get 50 best friends in such a short time frame. I see I am not everyone's cup of tea.

I once thought maybe just maybe I could have a good time online just how everyone suggests that online is better than irl and it is a reprieve for some. Looks like I am eternally unlucky bc how is online on par or perhaps even worse than irl for me ? And make no mistake irl is atrocious to me too.

I do not mean this to be passive aggressive but I just want to communicate my thoughts. If I was being passive aggressive that'd imply that I knew that everyone here was capable of treating me as I wanted, as I have consistently treated my "friends" on here, as a reciprocated effort. But as this thread suggests, that was and can never be a reality for me.

TLDR // not coming back bc :

People genuinely don't care or don't put in any effort at all

Bullies (mean ppl way at the beginning of my account) + I am let down how everyone let TWO whole adults get away with being weird to a then minor (me) right in front of your faces

Very traumatised and uncomfortable being on this app to the point I can barely even socialise at all from the precipitating impacts.

Hope everyone has a good life.

[misc-obeyme]

Okay. This is maybe going to sound weird, but I feel like I can credit Obey Me with helping me finally understand that I'm nonbinary.

I had been thinking about it for a long time already, but there was something about having the game refer to MC as they and just the general gender neutrality of MC that felt right.

And then I got to explore that a little more with my MC Ciaran who is nonbinary. It's no surprise that I process things best when I write about them, so having a character like that really made a difference for me. Just gave me the space to think about it and sort of immerse myself in the way it felt.

I'd always left pronouns off of everything, but as I started writing more fanfiction for Obey Me, I decided to put mine in my bio as they/them. It was kind of another experiment. Nobody I know irl follows me on Tumblr, so I could just try it out and see how I feel. (I honestly don't have a preference - all pronouns are acceptable.)

So last weekend I came out to my parents. They were confused, but supportive and listened to everything I had to say about it. Since I don't actually have a preference for my pronouns, I told them they can use whatever they like.

Then I went home and I was looking at stuff on Facebook. I saw that Instagram had an option for pronouns, but Facebook only had an option to change your gender. So I changed it to nonbinary. I didn't notice anything changing on my profile since I didn't have gender displayed anyway, so I left it and went on with my life.

I got a text today from my sister that was a screenshot of our relationship on Facebook that now said I was her "sibling (gender neutral)."

When I tell you I panicked...

I never planned on telling my sister. Since I don't have a strong preference when it comes to my pronouns, I didn't feel the need to tell her to call me anything other than what she's always called me. Because I knew she wouldn't accept it. I knew that if I told her, she would be against it.

I never actually came out to her as bisexual either, for the same reasons.

I told her I was just messing with the Facebook settings and that I didn't see any changes, so I didn't know it was going to change our relationship like that.

She said it wasn't a big deal to her but that she didn't want to call me "they/them."

I told her that's fine because I don't have any pronoun preferences so she can call me whatever she wants.

And I have to say, she's just lucky that it turned out that way. I honestly don't have a preference and I'm fine with all of the options. But if I did have a preference. If I did want her to call me they/them. She wouldn't. She wouldn't support me.

And I can't say I didn't know this, but it still hurts. And I didn't mean for her to find out at all, let alone through some stupid Facebook setting.

She called my mom and asked her about it. Now my mom is the best. I've always been able to tell my mom anything and everything. So my mom told her a little bit about what I said when I told my mom about being nonbinary and why I felt that way. But then my mom suggested my sister call me and ask me. And my sister was like no I don't care I'll just send a text.

And I know that she only sent a weird text like this because she's being passive aggressive. If she really wanted to know, she could have just asked me directly, even over text. But instead she sent me a Facebook screenshot?

Normally I would say it doesn't matter. We're not close for a lot of reasons, though it really just boils down to me never being the person she wants me to be and her telling me as much. So eventually I was just like okay I get it you don't like me then I'll stay away.

BUT. I have two nieces. And I love those girls so much. And I don't want to lose them because their mom can't accept me for who I am.

So if she asks me directly, I will tell her the truth. I'm nonbinary and I'm not going to lie about it. I'm not going to try to hide who I am so that she'll accept me.

But I'm not going to volunteer any information, either. I told her she could use whatever pronouns she wants and that might be good enough. If she doesn't ask anything further, then we can stay in this limbo where we both know the truth, but nobody has actually said it, so we can pretend it isn't a thing.

That way I can still see my nieces without them thinking I don't like their mom. I don't know if she would cut me off from them entirely over this, but it's possible. So I can avoid that, too.

I'm just feeling kind of down about it. I wish she could just love and accept me the way that I am. And I know I'm lucky that my parents still do.

And maybe this is weird, but having Obey Me actually makes me feel better about it? Just because I know that if those characters were real, they would love and accept me just as I am.

And now I'm crying lol.

Anyway, I'm sorry for this long post and for getting really personal, but this has just been weighing on me and I needed to get it off my chest. I figured my fellow Obey Me fans would understand.

And if there's anybody else out there struggling with something similar, please never compromise who you are just because someone else doesn't know how to love you.

[historical-ham-sandwich]

not me basing this on historical vers

I'll actually give an explanation

(FYI I don’t dislike people who ship these, its just the ships I may dislike)

Ham X Burr: It's weird. They weren't super close IRL nor in the musical.., plus Burr shot Hamilton. Hamilton talked bad abt Burr. They were not really on good terms... The ship art is cute but I don't really like the ship.

Ham X Eliza: ABSOLUTELY YES YES YES YES. Soulmates 4 life!! I don't think I have to explain this but omg just researching on Hamliza makes me so happy, they were perfect for each other. And don't come at me w the "He cheated on her" YES HE DID AND IT WAS WRONG but Eliza forgave him and he didn't do it again (what we know at least... from all we know the pamphlet couldve been a cover up for a financial scandal, according to a theory) anyhow - YES, hamliza is my top 1 ship fr. AAAH AND THE LETTERS <<333

Ham X Jefferson: Like Burr X Ham, it's weird asf. They were more friendly IRL than in the musical but still, I don't think they'd ever date. Especially not the musical versions... Looking at the art, it's cute, but the ship itself is erm... Besides, the age difference is... Concerning. Thomas is 12-14 years older.

Ham X Laurens: YES. There is enough evidence to support the theory that they had a romantic bond. I've done a whole post on this, but I'll say it again. Hamilton's letters to Laurens were almost as flirtatous as the ones to Eliza (but then again Hamilton was a flirtatious man...) Nevertheless, there's more evidence. I like it, it's cute. It's giving highschool sweethearts, especially cs Hamilton's "romantic affection" died down when he met Eliza.

Ham X Lafayette: No... I know there's this thing called "the Gay trio", with Laurens and them, but really. If you do your research, you'll see that Lafayette referred to Hamilton as a brother. Plus, Lafayette was married to a wife he really loved before he even came to America. He had 2 daughters at that time, his first being born in 1776 and his second in 1777. He came to America in 1777.

Ham X Washington: No. No. No. No. ESPECIALLY the musical versions. Please bffr, they had a father-son relationship. Washington and Hamilton had quite the complicated relationship but Washington was still a father figure to his aide-de-camps, INCLUDING HAMILTON. Plus, Washington was 23-25 years older...

Ham X Hercules: Hercules was 15-17 years older than Hamilton. Alex lived with his family when he came to the colonies, so I'd imagine they had a brotherly relationship or maybe even a father-son bond. (I assume brothers tho)

Laf X Herc: Same with this. Mulligan was 17 years older, and they (from what we know) NEVER EVEN MET IRL... 😭😭 It doesn't make sense. Sure, they met in the musical but we still have the age difference and the fact that they both were married... (Herc married in 1773)

Laf X Peggy: Now, some people say they had a romantic relationship at some point, but I've never found any information about it myself and when asked for it I got ignored..??😭 I only found info about Peggy having smth for this other Frenchman named Marquis Francoise-Louis Teissedre de Fleury. (which can be read in letters)... The only info I have abt Peggy n Laf is tumblr and tiktok, and that's not really reliable... So PLEASE if someone knows FACTS about this, tell me!😭

Laf X Washington: Purely disgusting. Honestly... Washington was 25 years older AND they had a CONFIRMED father-son relationship. Lafayette would literally refer to Washington as his adoptive father, which is proven in letters. Like... They were literally father and son. It's honestly disgusting to ship this. And then again, they were married men. They showed no romantic affection whatsoever. Don't come argue with bullshit points about how close and affectionate they were w each other, male friendships were like that back in the day. Do your research😭 /lh

Jefferson X Madison: Jeffmads... From my very brief and little research, they were good friends and all. Apparently Jefferson tried asking Madison to move in w him? (As friends, I assume) Don't know if that's true, I ain't doing research rn. Nevertheless, It's not my favorite ship... But it's not the worst. Hypothetically speaking, I feel like they could go well together considering how much Jefferson loved his wife before she died and how Madison loved his wife (my point being that they were lovers, loving ppl).. It's not an impossible ship. Only 8 years apart. I don't know if they showed any romantic attraction or so, I don't really have an opinion on it. You might argue that they were distant cousins, but thats not a valid point when speaking abt the 18th century. It was not totally uncommon to marry a cousin, even if it wasn't always accepted. Jefferson even married his 3rd cousin! Tho I could agree that the ship would be a bit toxic.

Jefferson X Angelica: It's alright. They were flirty with each other, read in letters and so... And the weird rumor that Angelica slapped him is probably not true - there's no actual evidence to support that so Idk why that's a thing..? Anyway, yeah, it's an alright ship. I don't ship it, but since they actually did flirt I don't see why not.

I didn't do this but bonus:

For some reason Lee X Burr is a ship. Idek why. BURR WASN'T EVEN LEE'S SECOND IN THE REAL DUEL😭😭... It's weird and random. Plus, Lee was like 24 years older... So uhm.

so i made a hamilton shipping chart……,

either tag me in it or reblog this post with yours if you do it!!!! ^_^

[bubski-mcboo]

Dreaming of a Jodie Whittaker/Sophia Di Martino Goddess.

Okay, so I keep having this recurring dream and I need to share it.

I'm about to start some sort of presentation to a very sparse classroom. The stuff I've studied never really required any presentations, so this was new territory for me.

The classroom I'm in looks vaguely like one that was in use at Bournemouth and Poole College, only it has no windows.

I'm getting super stressed out about the presentation, which I'm woefully unprepared for, so I go to an adjoining room to work on it.

It is a dorm room belonging to me, also with no windows and with American prison vibes, but not something I worry about.

Everything has a green tinge to it as if we're in the matrix or the good omens version of hell.

(For the record, I don't think you *can* upgrade perfection like Jodie Whittaker or Sophia Di Martino.)

Then an older (but stunning) woman with an athletic build and a blonde bob comes to calm me down. She's probably only thirtyish but I think I'm probably late teens/early 20s in this dream.

Even though awake me doesn't know her, dream me does. She's on the staff at this imagined educational facility, almost certainly a teacher/lecturer. So clearly, she is 10000% my type, like an upgraded Jodie Whittaker/Sophia Di Martino with a touch of authority.

I'm writing a supporting character who seems a bit like her actually, only she's a gardener, not a teacher. Maybe a "mentor" figure.

When I wake up, she's asleep, and suddenly I realise that I need to cook something amazing for this goddess who is asleep in my bed even though I've just come out of surgery (apparently. I've fully recovered IRL.)

Anyway, this woman is calming me down, and then I realise that the vibe here isn't professional, it's friendly. Then it morphs from friendly to intimate - but not exactly sexual, although that boundary is wafer thin. I get nervous for non-educational reasons, because this woman is waaaay out of my league, and yet she's giving me strong vibes. It's as if she thinks we're already in a relationship and forgot to tell me. Not that I mind.

At this point, that green tinge to everything is gone. She convinces me, without words, to snuggle down on my bed, and obviously, I'm super-duper okay with that.

So I vault into my kitchen, which is apparently joined by a window and not a door, just as Jodie Di Martino gets a phone call that sounds more like an alarm. The volume is so loud that I hear the entire conversation;

Phone: "Hello, we need your password to complete your request for - "

Blonde goddess: "Oh right, you still remember me from the tower-"

Phone: *interrupts with urgent yelling*

BG: "Yeah, yeah, it's *****" (a username I used at school)

It's at this point I wake up, feeling very concerned that I'd left this remarkable woman in a Fallout 4 sort of situation with sub-par food that I hadn't even had time to cook for her. My last sleepy thought is, "But she can look after herself," and a part of me knows that she can kick ass, even though I don't know how I know.

I don't find this strange, still intent on cooking for this wonderful woman; which tracks because its one of my love languages.

For some reason, I'm looking in the cupboard under the sink, which isn't somewhere I store food items.

The kitchen looks vaguely like my ex's parent's old kitchen (second boyfriend), except it looks rather rusty and abandoned.

I realise the only food I have is baked beans in rusty cans - the label on them is the old white "tesco value" brand which was a callback to impoverished living at the end of secondary school - though I've never let a kitchen nor tins of food go rusty like that. I suddenly felt like I was in a post-apocalypse situation

After waking up, I realise I've seen this woman before in many other dreams. Every time, she's pretty keen on snuggling even though that isn't a thing she generally does with people.

[starglitterz]

cynosure. (vi)

─── chapter 6 ~ fly to the moon

summary; you and xiao are genmates under the famed streamer company genshin impact. the chemistry between the two of you is undeniable, and your fanbases absolutely love your collaborations. but when you both start meeting up offline more and more, your connection starts to deepen past just harmless flirting and playful banter. with these real feelings starting to affect both your job and reputation online, how will you two react when your relationship becomes the internet’s cynosure?

a/n: twirls hair i have nothing to say except YAY I CAN FINALLY WRITE CYNOSURE AGAIN WAHHH IM SO EXCITED

warnings; descriptions of in-game violence, hate comments, not proofread </3

previous.┃masterlist.┃next.

please reblog ! it helps a lot :)

this chapter is dedicated to sarah !! ilysm ty for supporting cynosure since the beginning and always screaming in reblogs in caps w the small font I LUV U <3 HUGS !!!!!!

twitter !

private messages !

twitter !

irl !

a cheerful grin paints itself across your cheeks as you glance at xiao, "that was so much fun!" looking up from his phone where he's been scrolling through twitter, he schools away his irritated expression from the awful hate comments, and instead smiles, "yeah, it looks like everyone really enjoyed it too." "i, for one, definitely did," you wink, "especially that time when we tried being on opposite teams and i distracted you with pick-up lines so i could shoot you." heat rises to xiao's cheeks and he pretends to cough, covering his face with his hands to hide his expression, "that was a fluke. never again."

you step closer, clasping your hands behind your back as you smirk at him, "it's funny though..." your proximity to xiao is maddening, and his gaze darts down to your lips for split second before returning to your eyes as you utter, "if you had flirted with me even once..." there's almost no space between you both when you lean in and whisper, your hot breath tickling his ear, "i'd have been a sitting duck for the rest of the stream." xiao freezes as you pull back with a playful laugh, and he thinks he is extremely close to spontaneously combusting. "y/n, you never fail to get me this flustered," xiao murmurs, prompting you to frown as you worry if you've offended him. thankfully, the next moment he lets out a warm chuckle, amber eyes meeting yours with mirth shining in them, "i wouldn't have it any other way."

───────────────

you're on the doorstep of xiao's house, waiting idly for your cab to arrive. xiao and you are chatting, your conversation ranging from everything under the sun without drying up even once. it's almost magical, really, how easily words flow between the two of you like an endless river. even xiao, who is usually stoic and silent, speaks to you normally. sure, his replies are brief and curt, but you believe it's more so because he prefers not to waste words, and some answer is better than no answer! just then, a notification sounds from your phone, interrupting the pair of you. when you check it, you realise your driver is only a couple of minutes away.

"ah, xiao, it looks like they're almost here to pick me up!" you show him your phone screen, and he nods. "i'll wait here with you until then." fiddling with the straps of your knapsack, you shuffle your feet absently while wondering if you should actually act on the budding idea in your head. "penny for your thoughts?" xiao slices through your buzzing mind, a welcome relief from your rushing thoughts, and you smile, "i'm actually so glad we got to do this collab!" xiao is evidently surprised by your reply, as his eyes widen, but he waits for you to continue. "i feel like the two of us got a lot closer," here you wiggle your eyebrows suggestively, prompting him to roll his eyes. "and also it was tons of fun to hang out with you!" you fling your arms around xiao in a surprise hug, and he stiffens up immediately under the sudden contact. but then a few seconds pass, and he hesitantly wraps his arms around you too, reciprocating your actions and enveloping you in warmth.

do it, your mind seems to be screaming at you, do it now or you'll never get another chance. after weighing the pros and cons of what you're about to do at lightning speed, you move away from the hug and make eye contact with him as you beam, "thank you, xiao."

"no worri-" he begins, but the next moment, you interrupt him by leaning forward and pressing your lips against his.

it's a chaste kiss ringing with purity, one conveying your honest intentions. a small noise of shock escapes xiao's lips, but he doesn't break the kiss, in fact he leans into it! his lips taste sweet, like a fond dream, and they're just as kissable as you imagined. neither of you make a move to separate, lips colliding with one another without pause for breath - it feels like this is meant to be, like you can keep kissing xiao forever. you want to tangle your hands in his teal hair, for him to snake his arms around your waist and pull you even closer, but fate seems to have other plans.

the next moment, the unmistakable sound of a car horn honks loudly behind you two, snapping you back to reality. you pull away from xiao, grinning at the sight of his flushed cheeks and slightly swollen lips; you suppose you don't look much better. hoisting your bag onto your shoulders again, you wink at xiao before dashing down the driveway into your taxi, "we should do that again, xiao!"

and as the car drives away, xiao shakes his head, a light blush still dusting his cheeks and the ghost of a smile playing about his mouth, "yes, we should."

twitter !

a/n; HIII I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER !! I NEARLY PASSED OUT WHILE WRITING THE KISS SCENE HELPAWJKDKASJDJKAS THEY KISSED OMFG FALLS DOWN AND STARTS CRYING 😭 but also things r going to start getting a lil more tense from now on hehehe yk me, i can never have fluff w/o the angst, and its been super fluffy for all these past chapters LOL! okok n e ways ily all gn !! <3 (i stg i always finish cynosure chapters at weird times HELP)

taglist; @noirkkat @bookuya @ohmykazuha @glazelilyy @oreoz-unfortunately @tiny-aroace @xiaophobic @test-tube @jiinghe @storytravelled @mirikusashes @ben6ett @oliviasslut @bluexiao @lunachelly @aelatus @mimion @akiiyukii @angelhxneyy @give-xiao-almond-tofu @abyssheart @xuanya @normalisthenewnorm @viagiraffe @fuhuashandholder @astersg4rden @dilucbar-deactivated20210912 @nachotrash @childe-support @cynokine @axerrri @ventirain @kait-is-always-late @hushyouu @celestair @rim0na @indecisivehusky @nurserinnn @ariesreii @saving-for-xiao @hellokittykuroo @auradragon199 @xiaoszn @ayaka-wrld @almondto-fu @berryqueue @chichikoi @yunaholics @yoimimi @http-mewchuu

usernames in bold could not be tagged :( pls do lmk if want to be added to/removed from the taglist by sending in an ask!

fan accounts !

- xiaoto-fu → @/almondto-fu

- @/xiaophobic

- @/urujiako

- @/nurserinnn

ahh unfortunately due to the tagging limit i cant mention your blogs twice darlings T_T youre all in the taglist though, so hopefully u see this hehe :D <3

general masterlist.

© starglitterz 2021. do not repost or modify in any way.

[someprettyname]

long post under the cut

Alright. Honestly, if it were real life i wouldn't even look at Kaiser. I only care about looks so much, yk? If I can't see anything valuable thing in you (like strong and good morals, or emotional maturity) or if you're not in my long term picture you are good for nothing to me. Romantically speaking that is.

I'd talk to him a little in probably but I catch on red flags relatively quick (my moral system to be credited for that, and I don't fear confrontation so that), and he? Oh baby. It's as easy as daylight to see the red flags in him. And then? We'd become rivals. Like really really bad rivals.

You know, i really am a sadist, if someone bullies me i bully them back 10 times harder (story time, there was this time when I was having a REALLY bad day at school and despite how i don't like crying in front of others i ended up having a breakdown and this bitch boy was like "Oye oye [my actual name] roke dikha na please please" and then? I was like "Rula de na pleassseee" and I kept bugging him with that again and again and again (specially in front of his friends for extra humiliation) till he actually got annoyed. Like literally had to shoo me away like "Abbe chup ho ja". The class bully got bullied by me. That's how it is. And you know what kinda ego this bitch boy has. It'd be so bad. Our disgust for each other would keep multiplying. And worse part? He'd lose. He's not an emotionally mature person with strong ethics. He'd lose. Every damn time. I've beaten much more mature people than him in debates/conversations in the past. I'm usually not very conflict inflicting and jhagda all the time kinda person but that in no way means I'm not always ready to throw hands and fight for my morals [irl, that is]

And this has happened in the past too where I have a bad crush on a dude, i get to know him and it all dies down 🙏🏻 like I don't care what you went through boy. Everyone has gone through it. You better treat me good whether it be a relationship or just normal friendship.

I'd rate him a 2/10 maybe on scale of romantic appeal. (im being generous, it'd be 0-1, but I respect the hardwork he put in and how he's trying to change)

Chigiri, Isagi, Hiori, Kurona, Raichi, Bachira, Karasu, Nagi (?), Zantetsu, Aryu are among some people I can name that I'll actually get along with irl. Bachira omg when I tell you people would be JEALOUS of our friendship (i and hiori would trauma bond and fall in love with each other that's how it is)🔥🔥

Chigiri though, is different. Mature guy. Gentlemen vibes. Has morals and principles. Is sassy. When I decided I'm taking the kaiser icon down he's immediately the one I saw a potential romantic appeal in. He's the kind of guy i actually might fall for irl. No apparent red flags. He's very strong too. Mentally i mean. He was going through such bad times in s1 (I mean to say "i came here to find a reason to give up on my passion' do you know how much heartbreak lies behind that? How much sheer hopelessness? And it was all out of his control, the injury he got, the risk of not being able to play again. He has one of the most genuine problems. It's all out of his control.) until he went "fuck this shit. Imma run anyways." And so his cold demeanour was justified but he never spread the negativity onto anyone.

He had his share of bad experiences but he never used that to treat someone else shitty. Do you realise how much patience and resilience it takes to do that? How respectable that is? Because I seek that too and hence I see the value in it. Not to mention he's hot. He genuinely gives "would be a supportive boyfriend" vibes. And I'm honestly done with all these sigma alpha protector provider dudes so I'd really appreciate a genuine guy with some common sense. Like bro. If a girl doesn't see the appeal in him, what are you doing? He's the loyal kinda guy who can guarantee you a stability. You don't wanna miss on him. He's a diamond dude.

I can yap about why I and him would be really compatible irl. If I had to rate, I'd keep Isagi followed by hiori on scale of romantic appeal. Chigiri's the kind of guy i might not fall for at first sight but definitely a kind of guy i would want to be friends with and once I come to know him? Bro. All my friends are blocking me because of how much I yap about him.

Irl, i'm not into hookups and flings AT ALL (if someone else into it, fine. But I'm strongly against it. I'm not putting myself through that shit.). I seek long term relationships. A husband material. And he ticks all my needs *sobbing on the floor rn, please bring him into real life I'd marry him without any questions asked*

I'd rate him a 12/10 on scale of romantic appeal. ("Good boy isagi, I'll give you a head pay later." I WOULD FOLD SO QUICK.) that's how it is. Perfect dude. That's why I'm not changing my icon again.

While i might simp on kaiser because (1) his character is well written (2) parent issues, I can relate (3) his character design is top class, if we're talking about boyfriend chigiri would be my pick. Best boy. Sobbing. He'd become my safe space SO QUICK. Remember that time he told BAROU how he gets along surprisingly well with people he cares about? Yep. His initial cold aura wouldn't faze because I've met far too many "cold' people who are the best at heart (I'm good at dealing with IxTJs can you tell?) Besides, he's only speaking facts most of times.

Yeah, that's it I think. Enough yapping for now.

On a scale of 1-10, how whipped are you for Kaiser Chigiri?

do you want me to be brutally honest?

I'm taking 'whipped' as in real life scale of how much would i like to date one of them/how much I respect them as a person

[menlove]

wait hi i’m so confused i thought only lesbians can reclaim d*ke and only gay men can reclaim faggot? so how can you use both esp if you’re masc? IM CONFUSED IM SORRY this isn’t a hate anon or some shit i’m just so behind on the fuckin. ‘rules’ of tumblr and what the general consensus on slurs are i barely know what i can reclaim my damn self

hi you're all good! and honestly that's part of why I made the post and why the modern lgbt community frustrates me so much bc there is a huge prioritization of "rules" over community, solidarity, lived experience, and just. loving each other. not a diss at you obvs just that it makes us all so nervous about what we can and cannot reclaim and makes others really hostile about it

anyway!

several different answers...

by current lgbt tumblr/tiktok/twitter "rules" a lot of ppl have expanded those to include wlw and mlm, not just gay men and lesbians. I mean say two women are walking down the street holding hands, someone that would call them dykes isn't going to pause and ask if one or more of them is bisexual before using it. as I'm both a wlw and a mlm I'd fit into both. however I don't really jive w this explanation bc it hinges again on "rules" of conduct that I find reductive

another one I've seen that I find a little more nuanced is that if you have had slurs thrown at you and used against you, you can reclaim them. I've been called a dyke and a faggot more times than I can count. but again, I don't jive with this one as much bc does that mean a gay man fortunate enough to never get called a faggot cannot say that word?

the one I find to be the most resonating To Me- for decades and decades of the queer movement, queer women have been saying faggot and queer men have been saying dyke. it's only like really extremely relatively recently that it has been made taboo/wrong/crucifiable for the other group to say it. but if you look it up, there's a lot of early pictures and even well into the 90s pics of men holding up signs along the lines of faggots supporting dykes. and vice versa. this fear of saying these words in our community v much comes from the critically online crowd who doesn't actually go out and interact with their community (not saying you or everyone obviously just the people that push this shit really hard). they would rather squabble over words and slurs and labels than actually doing anything worthwhile.

and just on a personal note, like I said, I'm both a "wlw" and "mlm" although I find those words a little hallow. masculinity =/= sexuality and while I may be butch, that doesn't equate to manhood. even if it did, that's not entirely precluding me from finding community with others I relate to. but I grew up experiencing love for other women as a queer woman. I still do, even though I'm transmasc and use he/him pronouns in every day life (not on here and it's not misgendering to call me she or they, but for my safety I don't advertise any of that irl) but I don't mind being seen as a queer woman, that's deeply a part of how I learned to love in this world. and it got me called dyke. a lot. both when I was identifying as a lesbian, and when I wasn't. on the flipside, however, I am transmasc and butch. I present to the world with a masculine name and most strangers call me "sir" and use he/him for me. my boyfriend is a gay trans man (loosely, they also identify as nonbinary and his relationship to gayness is complicated but that's not my post to make). we are both on hrt and he's had top surgery. when we go out in the world together as a couple, most people see two gay men. we've been called faggots over it (shoutout to the bartender in Detroit for that one). is my experience materially any different than that of a 100% binary trans man getting called a faggot? is the way I present precluding me from being able to say I identify as a queer woman (and man) that loves women in a very queer way? if you look at me, a masculine individual with a beard that gets called a man by strangers and you say I cannot be a woman, what does that say about trans women? if you look at me and say the way that I present to the world doesn't count and doesn't matter, and the way me and my boyfriend conceptualize our relationship isn't right, why is that your business? again, not personal you but general You.

tldr gender is super fucking complicated and messy and so is sexuality and boiling it down to who can say what slurs is honestly really detrimental to our community and all of this is kind of The Point of my post.... and that is not an attack on you at all you're very lovely and I appreciate the message and how sincere it is! and you do not have to agree with me in fact I suspect many people won't. but that's okay. at the end of the day, this community isn't about agreeing with everyone. it's about protecting ourselves and our siblings from harm and loving each other.

[venusguks]

— saccharine boy

pairing : reader x jeon jungkook

summary : the new transfer student is a bit strange…

genre : yandere jk, future smut, angst, dark, obsessive/possessive jk

warnings : this includes DARK themes with heavy topics. i dont support this unhealthy relationship dynamic irl. a huge TW for suicide, suicidal thoughts, tendencies, coaxing, themes. this is pure fiction so please know that if you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts, this may be really really horrible to read :(( yn and jk both say shitty things

part 1 of ??

☽

i loved you before i even knew you

in days fleeting moments, the sun dipped into the ocean, casting a surge of honey waves to engulf the city whole.

it’s vast, golden essence poured through the mid-open windows and into the empty school hallways.

moments before, the laughter of the baseball team dissipated, and those who confessed to the whim of spring filtered emotions had left with tear stained cheeks.

it's empty enough that you can hear your own slip ons click against the floor.

click, click, click.

you walk up the stairs, stopping right in front of the rooftop door.

the rusted knob is cool under your skin, and bracing yourself for the wind, you twist it open.

the wind whisks past you ferociously, as if urging you to turn back. you should've heeded the warning then (how foolish of you not to), but instead, you open your eyes to the tangerine streaks of the sky.

that’s when you see him.

— ❝ hey, do you regret it? ❞

his silhouette wavered beyond the metal railings of the rooftop.

you don’t know why—what had possibly gone through your mind when you spoke. it wasn't your business—you could honestly care less for people like him,

because people like him were the same as you.

despite that, you couldn't stop yourself from screaming, "you're such an attention freak, you know that?! do you really want to be seen that much?"

his head slightly lifted.

would he listen to you? would he care?

because if it were you past that railing right now, you wouldn't stop for anyone.

but doesn’t he see?

if he jumps, right now, right in front of you,

doesn’t he know how much that would break you?

please, the wind swallows your desperation. i’m already broken enough, so please don't make it any worse.

when i muster up the courage like you someday, i need to die without the thought of you jumping in my head.

— ❝ oh, i see… you're scared of me.❞

"there are so many other ways to kill yourself. drowning, the rope—you can jump off literally any other god damned building for all i care—but don't you dare make it this building! don't you dare jump off in front of me."

you saw it, as the wind danced past him, just how lifeless his eyes were

it was as if the sun himself feared him—preferring to quickly drown into the blue abyss rather than be in his mere presence.

"i know this place is terrible—but the janitor is so kind. he's a single father of three children and if you jump, he'd have to break his back scrubbing your blood for hours. he'd come home and put on a happy face despite worrying if his children will turn out like you. so please, for the janitor's sake, deal with haunting this school a different way. your death would affect more people than you’d know, so please.”

he doesn’t move, so hesitantly, as if it would change anything, you quietly add, "ah, he gave me food one time too.”

the boy’s back quivered, and your own trembling heart ached for him—but what you thought was sniffing turned into a loud, hearty laugh

you stood there, dumbfounded as you watched him.

"you're..." he tries to say through his giggles. when he catches his breath, he finally turns to you with the biggest smile.

"you're really stupid."

— ❝ but would it help if i said i've always loved you? ❞

frozen, you can only stand there gaping at him.

"i was just watching the sunset, but your reaction was so funny. you don't know how hard it was not to laugh."

what…?

you blink once, twice—then turning your heel, you begin to walk away.

"h-hey! wait!" he called from beyond the railings. "i'm sorry, okay? i was having too much fun—i didn't mean to scare you. please forgive me."

"scare me?" you scoffed. "kill yourself for all i care. it doesn't have anything to do with me."

— ❝ since that day... ❞

you just blurted it out of spite. you knew it was cruel, you didn’t mean it. you were just so angry. how dare he make a fool out of you? make a joke out of this? in your eyes, he was far more cruel.

“fine then.”

you turn back with a vile glare, but your heart stops as he takes a step back.

the boy hums in viscous amusement when he sees the horror in your eyes. in front of the blazing red of the sun, wearing his wide smile, he resembled a demon.

"forgive me, or i'll let go."

"d-don’t be stupid," you scowl, but you could barely feel yourself breathe.

then, just like that, one of his finger tips leave the metal bar—then another, and another.

you don’t know when you started running or how you even got there, but as soon as you hooked your fingers around his collar, you gave everything to pull him back.

"are you crazy?!" you scream, hot tears trickling down your eyes.

his annoying fit of laughter only angered you more.

— ❝ i loved you before i even knew you. ❞

"like i said, forgive me—and i won't try it again," he chimed in a playful tone.

you couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

it scared you, his carelessness.

he scared you.

“okay, okay! i forgive you!” you yell exasperatedly. “god, you—you think this is funny? what the fuck is wrong with you?! you could’ve—just because i—y-you could’ve…r-right in front of me…and i-i…”

"hey, hey..." he chuckles softly, interlocking his fingers with yours through the metal fence.

you refused to look at him, but you could still feel the tingling warmth of his skin. you were close, the bars only stopping at your torso. when you look back at it, you remembered the seeping reality of his beauty.

his voice, his touch, him...

everything he did made you feel so out of control, so vulnerable.

who was he? why did you have to meet him?

"i knew you'd catch me, its fine."

"that's not the point here you suicidal bitch! i mean—what were you thinking? are you out of your mind? i swear to god—if you jumped and i became a suspect of murder, i'd dig up your own grave and kill you again!”

the boy’s eyes widened, shock dancing with his own bemusement. they were the same lifeless brown, but golden specks glimmered in where he looked at you.

finally, he smiles, “you’re horrible.”

you give a viscious glare, but before you can retort something, he continues, his hand trailing up your arm.

"but at the same time, horrible people don’t try to save a horrible person from dying. no, you can’t be horrible,” a cold shiver runs through your body when his fingers brush against your collarbone. “you’re just a sweet girl, aren’t you? an angel who saved me…”

he pulls you closer by your neck, his lips barely touching the shell of your ears. your breath hitches, and your knees suddenly feel weak.

“i’d love to ruin you.”

nothing comes out of your mouth.

all you can hear is your heart thumping against your chest. all you can feel is the unbearable heat blooming on your cheeks, and all you can see is him.

finally, his words settle in.

“get the fuck off me you creep!”

— ❝ you're never leaving me, my love. i won't let you. ❞

ː

a/n : i’m so so so sorry if this triggered some people. this may be poorly written as well as i’ve written this YEARS ago. as you might tell, i was suicidal then and i often incorporated that in writing—its a way to get it off my chest sort of. to have relatable characters is something thats always made me comfortable. honestly rereading it again nothing makes sense LOL but i thought i’d continue it just for fun. i hope whoever has come across this is having a lovely and healing day, stay safe starlights <3

[mental-health-advice]

i'm a teenager, and i have no actual irl friends. sure, i hang out with some people at my school, but i never feel like i fit in, be it bc im queer or bc they just seem to not care about me. i'm also like, not exactly the weird kid, but to give you an idea i stumble over my words a lot and am very Very socially awkward. i have 2 very good online friends and i love them a lot, but they just don't help with how lonely i feel all the time (and theres also two other people from my school that i'd love to befriend but they both have their own best friends and dont really interact with me). only feeling comfortable around my homophobic mom feels humiliating–i cant be myself or feel safe around my classmates, because im worried they'll somehow think i'm annoying. this shit was like, the root of a major depressive episode i had last year, and even though ive completely recovered now, im still scared i'll end up knee deep in shit again. girl help

Hey there,

It can be really difficult when we want to be friends with another but then for one reason or another it just doesn’t work out or we feel we are on the outside of the relationship with them due to them having other good friends. Have you mentioned that you wanted to be friends with them though even if it’s more someone to hang out with. Even though one person may have a best friend/s, it doesn’t mean they can’t have other friends too.

You mentioned that you don’t really feel safe with your classmates as you fear they will view you as being annoying or something like that. Whilst this is a completely valid concern to have, if you don’t try to interact with others then you will never know how it may go, you may even make a friend or two out of it! Start slow though, get to know them, likes/ dislikes, if you have anything in common. If you have to do a project with other class mates then try to take an interest in what they say, try to start a conversation with them – it can be a lot easier to focus on becoming friends with just one person as opposed to a handful of people all at once!

I know it can be so hard when you feel like you are socially awkward, and you stumbling over your own words wouldn’t help your self-esteem either, but it doesn’t mean that these things cannot be helped over time and worked through. For example, have you ever thought about looking at yourself through a mirror and practice having conversations and focusing on your words and speech in general. Sometimes when we stumble over words (I use to be the same and especially when I was feeling incredibly anxious) it can be due to anxiety like I just mentioned and a good way to work on that is to try to slow your talking down and especially if you are a fast talker. So when in a conversation don’t forget to breathe and focus on where full stops or commas should be put in just like as if you were writing something down on paper.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren