#I look away for two seconds and he’s comitted SUICIDE???

[diltonsstrangescience]

“Formerly” OH MY GOD

PRISONERS???

WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING ON THAT SHOW???

[aliceinborderlandsquidgame]

YanDoctorChishiya x Reader - Best Medicine

Notes: Yandere Chishiya - Suicide mention - Mental health and Illness mention - Delusional Reader - DARK CHISHIYA - Manipulation -

Notes 2: im not by any means an expert in mentall illness so this may have some mistakes in that part.

When you started to date Chishiya things seemed extremely fine. He was kind, smart, a bit rash and sarcastic. But you two found a balance in your relationship.

He knew almost (if not all) of you. Your likes, dislikes, your favorites places. He noticed and kept track on things you hated or loved.

He kept track on your relationships, your cowerkers, friends, family....

When he got into your family you were scared. Your family got a long list of mentall illness in them. Depression, bipolar disorder...to name a few. But Chishiya was a doctor, he told you he undertood both the fear of not being accepted and the illnes themself.

So you dont know when or who you srated to feel paranoic around....everyone.

First episode was on yours Sister Birthday, you were doing fine, dancing and drinking a bit. Chishiya was there having a talk with yours Sisters Husband. When suddendly you started to hear voices...but not the voices from your family or friends. Strange ones, what they said you could not describe but it became too much, the voices, the music, you passed out right there.

The second episode was at your work. You were doing just fine, tiping your reports and filling up some late work when an email appear

I see you :)

You brushed it off as one of your coworkers making a joke to you (you would bet it was Kai doing it).

Stop Kai :P

You sent that reply and continued to work when another email came.

Who is Kai ?

Alright now that was....off. You turned to Kai's desk and got a chill down your spine. Kai's desk was marked as "absent".

You decided to blocke the email and continue but as the day went by more emails came.

Why did you block me ?

We want to see you

Please reply we are lonely

Do you want to see mom ?

The last message got your nerves. Your mom had passed away comitting suicide thanks to her delusional mind. Your biggest fear was ending like her.

Days passed and it just got worse.

You would be walking and see random figures that were not there when you took a second look. The emails kept coming and getting worse.

You started to have nightmares almost everynight and since Chishiya had took night shifts he could not help you during these times.

You did not want to tell someone about it. Not when you started to hear your friends saying things in distorsed voices when you were with them at your home.

You went to emergency care when you felt like you could not take it anymore. The Doctor who attended you listened and wrote down everything.

"I know most crazy people says this...but im sane, i swear"

The Doctor told you to wait for him in the room. When he left you tried to remember when things started.

Your first episode was in your sisters party, but what was befote that ? Why was everything so blurry ?

You could see one figure screaming at you, moving their hands, they took your neck and told you something but you could just not remember what they did.

"Here she is" The Doctors voice said.

With Horror you saw Chishiya standing there, a small smirk on his face.

Chishiya and you were the happier couple ever, all of the stalking months had gave their fruits. Chishiya knew about your fear of being left because of your family with their mental health problems, but he never had a problem with it. He knew about these illness, how terrible they were and how society was not understanding about them.

He never tought he would have to use them against you...

It was just one morning, one bad morning. He was not sure how, but you had discovered he had been stalking you and were angry, well more than angry at him. Screams started to go from you, not getting him a reaction till you say the words that made him do it

"Im leaving you, i dont want nothing to do with you"

Chishiya lost it. He took you by the neck, pressing it and whispering to you

"I wont let you, I will be the only one you will be able to count on"

And just like that he chocked you, letting you fall. When you fell your head it the floor a bit too strong. Chishiya took you to his friend clinic who did not question about the marks on your neck.

"Possible memorie lose" where the words that stood with Chishiya.

And that was the start of his plan and downfall. As a Doctor getting different types of medications was not a problem, even easier if you knew how to move around the underground world.

Chishiya got the typical medications for a standar dementian patient. The next weeks he added them in whatever you were having. Food, drinks...it was just about some time they made their effects or side effects.

When you passed out in your Sisters Birthday Chishiya played the worried boyfriend card perfectly, and while you were at the hospital he made a small comment about you being paranoic the last few days. He saw how your sister went silence, fearing the worse.

Harassing you by email was in his opinion a low move but necesary. He remember when you called him crying, rambling about emails and how they kept mentioning your mother but when you showed them the emails were not there.

You had tried to take a photo of them but that one did dissapear too.

Chishiya had to contract a hacker for it, he gave him the specific words he wanted you to read, and made it clear to remove all the evidence once it was done.

You then started to see figures around, another side effect from the medication and to think your friends were not your friends or how them were trash talking you.

And while all of this happened Chishiya talked with your family. Your Sister insisted that you were fine, but when Chishiya made her listen to your call from work she stopped talking.

Your father, the old man who had lost his dear wife was worried. He did believe you had started to fall into madness like your mother and listened to Chishiya as he was god.

"I believe the best would be to get her a treatment....and to let her live with me" Chishiya had soflty said.

"I know this type of illness well, i can take care of her in my house, and it will be better than have her in a mental hospital".

Your Sister was against it but your father accepted, under one condition that for Chishiya was like hitting the jack box.

"We will do that. But you will marry her, i want you to take care of her for the rest of your life"

Your looked confused at Chishiya who took the seat besides you. Without noticing he put a silver ring on yout finger and kissed your hand.

"Chishiya what-"

"Im here love" love, a word he never uses. "I will take care of you from now. You seem to have what you mother had, but dont worry. You will stay at my house, i promise you, i will be the best husband and doctor for you".

"Wait...what do you mean husband, and doctor?" You asked with horror. "And what is that i have the same as my mother the other doctor-"

"He went to ask for a second opinion and that was mine. You have been dealing with such a harsh time now, and i havent been there. But now i will, i will be with you forever now. No matter how much you want to be away, or how sane you think you are, i will make you insane so i can have you all for myself".

[uservillanelle]

Killing Eve ― 3x02 (Review)

I’m finally back to discuss 3x02!! It’s kind of late, I know, but thankfully I haven’t read any other reviews, reactions or thoughts of the episode yet, so my opinion hasn’t been affected by anyone elses and the perspective is still pretty fresh, lol! So let’s get into it, shall we?

The Funeral

This is exactly the place that ended up bringing all, or most, of characters together. Literally. Carolyn is there, Eve is there, Konstantin as well, Kenny’s girlfriend Audrey including his employer and a colleague. Oh, let’s not forget Kenny’s sister - Geraldine! The only person who’s missing here is Villanelle.

I assume they haven’t seen each other for 6 months. And by “they” I mean Eve, Carolyn and Konstantin. Some thought that Konstantin being there was very random, but not exactly. Sure, he didn’t personally know Kenny, but he makes it look like he’s there to support Carolyn since they are “old friends”. Eve immediatelly picks up on that and calls him out. “Don’t pretend... for one second, that you ever think of anyone but yourself.” Eve hasn’t spent as much time around Konstantin as Villanelle has, and despite that fact she seems to know him really well. And in a way, by saying so Eve is reminding US of who exactly is Konstantin Vasiliev.

So. The Bathroom scene. Now that I’m thinking about it, there are 3 characters that perfectly express 3 different stages of grief. Carolyn seems to be almost unaffected by her son’s death, not saying much, not feeling much, perhaps? At least she doesn’t show it. She’s clearly in denial and that’s the first stage of grief. Then there’s Eve, who is so determined to get to the bottom of things and solve the case that got her dear friend killed. She’s obviously angry because she’s the only one who truly believes Kenny didn’t commit a suicide. That’s second stage of grief. And finally, there’s Audrey, who allows herself to be vulnerable and accepts the fact that Kenny’s gone. So pain and acceptance follows the previous two stages. It’s just so interesting as to why they would throw all 3 of them in a bathroom like that with three completely different reactions. So yeah, I do think they did th scene only to show us how those 3 are dealing with the loss. 

Next, Geraldine comes into the picture. And she does that through Konstantin. Konstantin is minding his own business, getting his hands on the food and Geraldine comes to greet him, obviously happy to see him again. Based on their brief conversation during the scene shows that she had a way better relationship/bond with Konstantin than she did with her own mother. That says a lot. Also, we find out that Konstantin has been there for quite  A LONG time since she and Kenny were kids. It’s safe to say he and Carolyn did have an affair at some point and who knows... maybe he was way more involved in their lives than they’re letting us on. But yeah, I’ll touch upon Geraldine and Konstantin a bit later.

The fact that Carolyn was the only one who was wearing WHITE instead of black gives us a clear indication of the denial. Not only she did that, but.. “Couldn’t we be sad and listen to good music?” Carolyn Martens, everybody. She might just have the weirdest yet coolest one-liners in the show and I’m all about it.

Were any of you just as annoyed by Jamie, Kenny’s employer, as Eve was? I’m sure the conversation between him and Eve was intentional especially knowing that they will have to work together to crack the case of Kenny’s death, but damn! Still not sure what to think about him. Seems rather shady to me. Then again.. there are too many shady characters on this show we cannot trust, lol, so might as well add another one in the list!

Villanelle & Dasha

I honestly thought that the new place Villanelle moved in belonged to her wife. It only made sense. I mean.. where the hell is MARIA?! Don’t tell me we won’t see her again. What’s the point in having Villanelle marry someone and not share any scenes with that character again? We  better see her again and the fact that Villanelle is not even wearing her wedding ring is hilarious and shows exactly how FAKE their marriage really is.

Okay, back to Villanelle and Dasha. I don’t think her wanting to go back to Russia is the only, or main, reason why she had to bring Villanelle back into business. I hope we won’t have to wait until the finale to find out what Dasha did to Villanelle. It had to be something very extreme.. or not at all. Let’s not forget... Eve rejected to go with Villanelle and she shot her..almost killed her. So Villanelle saying she’ll kill Dasha.. you can never know, right? 

Villanelle having to work WITH someone? Really? I think the show made it pretty clear in 1x04 how Villanelle can’t work in a group. It will not end up well and this time it was no different. I actually liked Felix a lot. He was such a baby, but he did fucked up after all and Villanelle told him straight away that she’ll kill him if he made her look “bad”. Good old foreshadowning on it’s finest. 

Patience and responsibility is required to be a Keeper. Villanelle has neither of those two and she even admitted that herself. She knows it, we know it, and Dasha knows it. Instead, she tells her to “pretend” to be patient and responsible. Not only that, but handle Felix in a particulary way, by lying to him and giving false hope he “might” be good. Not a minute after, Dasha uses this manipulation technique on Villanelle to show how well it works. Thankfully she didn’t fell for it. But that makes me wonder... if Dasha has been acting like this ever since she found Villanelle again. She’s giving her false hopes of becoming a Keeper and being “good enough” to be one. She has no power to make Villanelle a Keeper, so... she’s manipulating her to do the dirty work and.. maybe deal with her after she did whatever she was needed to do. Which might lead to yet another betrayal... and this time she might not survive. 

It has always been Konstantin’s job to remind Villanelle of Eve and tease her about her all the damn time, so when Dasha brought Eve up and Villanelle possibly STILL thinking about her, she got immediatelly defensive and kind of pissed off? I mean... it doesn’t get as obvious as this. We get it, sweetie. You’re still as much in love with her as you were 6 months ago. 

Carolyn

There was a part of me that believed in a way that Carolyn might be involved in her own son’s death. Yes, that would be very fucked up to say the least, but... we don’t actually know her, do we? She could’ve done anything and everything and we wouldn’t know. And neither do other characters, as it seems. Even Konstantin, who has known her for YEARS is ordered to spy on her. Truth is... we don’t really know anything. But then.. there’s something else.

Then we get the scene in the car, which was very well needed. We needed to see a more vulnerable side of her, the emotional side of Carolyn to see that.. she might not have been involved in Kenny’s death. She has been acting that entire time, pretending he comitted suicide because she knew there will be people who would be spying on her. Hell, she probably knows Konstantin was there to do that, but decided not to mention anything.

One name. FIONA SHAW. The car scene was phenomenal. Carolyn doesn’t get many scenes like that where she gets show emotion and open up a bit more so I really appreciated the scene and again... her GOLDEN one-liners. “Why don’t you go and do that thing... where you close your eyes and breathe?” This line KILLED ME! It might just be the most iconic Carolyn line for me so far. Don’t try to change my mind lol!

So on top of everything that’s going on, and her trying to investigate Kenny’s death, wanting Eve’s help... she tries to talk about her family, especially her father but Eve’s not having any of it. So plan B is to bring up Villanelle, because ohh she knows...just how important Villanelle was AND still is to Eve and all she needs to do really is to binrg a photo of her most recent victim and tell Eve that she’s back. This can’t be about Villanelle anymore... I mean Kenny JUST died and this just has to be a way for Carolyn to get Eve back in the game. And it has worked.. even though Eve declined her offer. “I thought you’d want to know” Yes, Eve DOES know now. And she won’t let it go. The level of her “subtle” manipulation is just... soo efficient. What I don’t understand is why she keeps “firing” Eve and then coming back later and asking her to come back and chase Villanelle all over again. And when she does so... Carolyn doesn’t want Eve to be as invested in Villanelle anymore and that’s the same case with Villanelle and Konstantin and honestly... this topic deserves a separate discussion and I’ll touch upon it really soon because I’m VERY curious and even slightly frustrated about the whole thing.

Konstantin

This man might be just as shady as Carolyn is, this season. At least one thing we DO know. He has a mission and will play an important role. Last season all that he wanted was to get back to his family and hopefully quit working for the Twelve? Yeah, that didn’t work out. Like at all. 

He’s not with his family, his wife has a boyfriend, his daughter is stuck with them and she hates it and Konstantin doesn’t really care that much. I mean, what could he do? Bring Irina with? She’d only end up dead so he can’t involve his family into this thing. And that leaves him alone in this... mess. I’m not even sure where his REAL loyalties lie anymore. I’d say his family but you can never know. He did say... he never stopped working for the Twelve. So that might just answered my previous question.

At the same time I feel he is STILL working with Carolyn to some extend. Carolyn went to tell Eve that Villanelle is back then Konstantin goes to find Villanelle to let her know that Eve is alive and well. Were Konstantin and Carolyn ordered to do that separately or it’s their own plan in getting Eve and Villanelle to chase one another once more? Shady stuff, indeed. 

Just like Carolyn manipulates Eve, Konstantin’s like “Eve’s alive. But DON’T go to London”. LMAO, seriously Konstantin?! Of course she’s NOT going to London in the following episode to visit Eve. Don’t even worry about it. It’s very suspicious he only comes to visit Villanelle after half a year and exactly when Eve knows that she is back and everything else. He was ordered to stay in London for a while... so now he’ll bring Villanelle to London and shit will go down. Good job, dad!

Eve

So recently I had a very huge realization. The thing is... Eve has always been Villanelle’s shadow in a way, because most of us LOVE Villanelle to pieces and we often, if not all the time, forget about Eve being another LEAD of the show. I’m not gonna lie, I was like that for the past two seasons and I really underestimated her. But.. this season, these first two episodes proved me wrong and I’m still shocked as to how much Eve has changed since S2. I can’t really put my finger on it... but shes’s different. Shes completely different person now. She’s so much more grounded in so many ways, and yeah I know she’s a MESS right now but the character development so far... wow. Maybe she’s like that because Niko is not really in her life anymore and she doesn’t need to pretend about anything. She gets to express how she really feels and I’m all for it. I’ve been ASLEEP for too damn long... and I finally awoke.. and I fucking LOVE Eve Polastri. Please, do not underestimate her. She and Villanelle were always equal but now... now they truly are and I cannot wait for next episode to see how she’ll react to Villanelle and how different their interactions will be from now on. Since.. old Eve IS dead and this Eve gives zero shits about anything. All I can say... careful, Villanelle, you don’t want to mess with her. 

Sandra Oh. That’s it. Her ability to just.. become this new version of Eve fascinates me so much. It almost seems like she doesn’t even need to try and I LOVE that. She’s bringing this wild, crazy side to Eve that we haven’t really seen before and her every scene deserves a fucking applause. Truly. So let’s appreciate Sandra for being sooo ridiculously amazing as Eve and serving us each episode with amazing content. I’m starting to see what Villanelle sees in Eve... and I’m a bit worried lol!

Alsooo I can’t be the only one who noticed the change in Eve’s choice for drinks. Throughout first two seasons she ALWAYS went for Gin and Tonic. Now, though? It’s only GIN. Yeah, this is a different Eve and shes going for real, clear drinks and that’s all we need to know. 

Villanelle 

I’ve covered most of the things previously in ‘Villanelle & Dasha’ part. I just want to quickly discuss Jodie Comer’s acting. Can we do that, please? Okay, so there were two scenes that stuck out for me. The one where she and Felix had THE conversation about being rejected by the loves of their lives AND obviously the ending scene with Konstantin. Jodie Marie Comer. There are NO limits for her acting... none at all and I still catch myself watching scenes like that with my jaw to the floor. 

The scene with Felix is soooo important and you can’t tell me Villanelle is incapable of having feelings after watching it. She HAS feelings and she DOES feel them. More intensively than others too. And the way they used the Unloved “Cry” soundtrack in there... just glued me to the screen and I had to rewatch the scene several times. A truly highlight of the episode.

Now... the ending scene. That was something I didn’t think I’ll see in terms of.. how outstanding Jodie’s acting was. They also focused on HER only, blurrying Konstantin’s image out and pushing him into the background because that’s how Villanelle felt. She basically went through AT LEAST 4 emotions through the same scene and that’s all because she found out Eve is actually alive and... I’m still SHOOK. 

Soundtracks

Just feeling like I need to mention how wonderful are the show’s soundtracks. Like the crew finds and picks mostly not very popular songs and they work so well and makes the show so unique. Most shows use already known songs and Killing Eve just... goes for something unpopular (yet), older foreign songs that fit so perfectly in the given location of the show and the songs usually, if not always, have a very deep meaning. They reflect and tell a story for us that the characters are not telling and that is suuch a brilliant way of using the soundtracks. The two that I REALLY loved this episode was USP by Liz Lawrence and Dart For My Sweetheart by Archie Bronson Outfit. If I’m correct both of the songs were playing during Kenny’s funeral, which is soo fucked up! But like.. thanks Carolyn, for requesting some good ass music!! I definitely recommend you guys to check those songs out and the rest of the soundtracks, as they carry such a strong Killing Eve vibe!

Overall Thoughts 

Like I said about the premiere being and feeling different, this episode was somewhat similar to that meaning that the show is different now and we shouldn’t expect miracles of it because we will end up disappointed. So far, I’m loving it and I CANNOT wait for next episode... I know I will not surive and probably neither will you. They’re still taking their time into getting back to the “normal” pace of the show and current events but I have a very strong feeling next episode will NOT compare with the previous two and that’s when the story itself will pick up the pace and will actually GLUE us to the screens until the finale! 

As always, feel free to let me know your throughts, reactions or even predictions for the next episode as we have basically 2 more days until 3x03 and we all will need help afterwards. So my inbox and askbox is always open for you guys! And MASSIVE THANK YOU to those who actually take their time to read my nonsense! 

[365days365movies]

February 9, 2021: Doctor Zhivago (Part 3)

INTERMISSION’S OVER! Hope you got your snacks and popcorn, because we’ve got an hour and 20 to go!

Recap (Part 3/3)

Train’s stopped, but not at its intended location. The reason is because there’s a battle taking place up ahead in Yuriatin, where the train is headed through. See, the Bolsheviks - well, actually, the Communists now, to be accurate - are waging battle against the anti-Communist White Army, and have occupied Yuriatin.

Yuri leaves the train to find out what the deal is, and he’s captured by the Communists under suspicion of being a spy. Leading them, of course, is Pasha, now going by Strelnikov. After a brief round of suspicion, Pasha admits a former admiration of Yuri’s poetry, now viewed as anti-Communist. Yuri reveals his connection to Pasha’s wife, and Pasha reveals that he has not seen her during the war, and she’s living in...Yuriatin.

JESUS PASHA WHAT THE HELL

Well, after having this friendly discussion with a GODDAMN MONSTER, Pasha lets him go back to his family, luckily for him. He gets back to the train JUST in time, and the family are left at their intended destination, as planned. It almost seems that their struggles are over, as flowers are blooming amidst the previously ubiquitous winter.

Can’t say the same for Yuriatin, as we see it on fire in the distance. However, the Gromeko’s cottage is apparently totally fine, untouched by the Red and the White Armies.

Well, mostly untouched, as it’s been sealed up by the Red Army. Stopping Alexander from breaking in, Yuri and their local friend, Petya (Jack MacGowran) figure out that the cottage of the house is still open, and the family happily settles in there.

During their time there, Tonya becomes pregnant once again. Strelnikov leaves for Manchuria, which seems like good news. But that’s tempered with the very, VERY bad. Czar Nicholas and the Romanovs, exiled for years, have been shot. Sorry, Anastasia.

Spring to summer, summer to winter, and winter once again to spring, and the family is doing well, in relative poverty as they are. By the way, before I forget to mention this, why does Omar Sharif (he plays Yuri) ALWAYS look like he’s been crying? Dude has perpetually red puffy eyes, I swear. Like, look at the GIF below. See? He wasn’t crying, he wasn’t even sad there, but his eyes ALWAYS LOOK THAT WAY. Not his fault, but I just can’t not notice it.

But now, we go to another place, and another set of eyes. Yuri makes his way to Yuriatin on a visit, and there, a reunion takes place at the library in town.

Yuri and Lara catch up, have a good time, and then OH GODDAMN IT

EVERY TIME! WHY IS IT INFIDELITY IN EVERY ONE OF THESE GODDAMN MOVIES??? Yuri’s seemingly happy, he’s got another kid on the way, and I get that he’s loved Lara for a long time at this point, but can we just have a SINGLE. FAITHFUL. RELATIONSHIP in these movies, for the love of CHRIST!!!

And this is just as Tonya’s close to giving birth to their second child. Yuri seems to realize this, and he heads to Yuriatin to officially end it with Lara...and he does, to some credit. It hurts them both pretty grievously, but he does what’s right. But NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED I GUESS

Red Partisan Army just kidnapped him! BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY DID. His poetry has finally caught up to him, and he is taken away from his “private life.” After all, like Pasha said, private life is dead in Russia. Fuck me, man.

So, Yuri’s been kidnapped as a field doctor for the Civil War, as the Red Partisans go up against the White Army, at one point killing a unit of literal children. During his stay, allies advocate for his release, but to no avail. Yuri is stuck with the army for TWO GODDAMN YEARS, away from his wife and two children.

He eventually just leaves, in the middle of the winter during a trek. He just...wanders off. Frozen, tired, and probably badly frostbitten, he makes his way back to Yuriatin, where he discovers that his family has left. However, it would appear that Lara may still be in town. Finding a key and letter meant for him, he makes his way into the apartment, where he passes out.

Lara cares for him as he wakes up, and reveals that Tonya and the kids are safe. Later, she gives him a sealed letter from Tonya, which was sent six months prior. It’s revealed that he was a daughter, Anna, and that they have been deported from Russia, and are going to Paris. They don’t know where they’ll be headed, and there’s no telling if Yuri will ever see them again. Which...sucks.

But then, soon after, the two get an unexpected visitor: Victor Fuckin’ Komarovsky! Yeah, thought you’d seen the last of him! he comes from Moscow, and offers the pair his help. See, Tonya and the kids are not in the best of situations down in France, and Yuri’s not only a deserter, but seen as a dangerous man by the government for his poetry, which has officially been labeled anti-Communist propaganda. Fuckin’ YIKES.

The two refuse their help at first, but Lara realizes the real danger that Yuri’s in. Turns out that Victor knows so much because he’s been appointed the Minister of Justice, and offers the two an out from the country. They continue to refuse him, and it’s revealed that Lara’s ALSO in trouble, as her husband is still technically Strelnikov. But, after Victor is ONCE AGAIN a DICK, they kick him out.

Realiing that they’re in trouble, the two escape to Varykino, which is gorgeous, by the way. Although the whole place appears to be dusty and a bit snowed in, the two and Lara’s daughter, Katya (Lucy Westmore) settle in. There, Yuri does something we’ve never actually seen him do: write poetry. To be specific, he writes a set of poems that he is famous for, by the time we get to the time period from the beginning of the film, all of which are themed around Lara.

It’s also at this point that the two begin their love affair in earnest, and...I weirdly am OK with this. Look, they’ve loved each other for a long time, and the likelihood that either of them will see their spouses again is EXTREMELY low. The two embrace their love, and begin to imagine what life would’ve been like if they’d met each other before.

But Victor, surprisingly, returns. He makes them an offer once again, and it’s revealed that Strelnikov is dead. Turns out that he was sought by the government, as they wished Strelnikov dead all along. He was headed to Lara when he was caught, and comitted suicide while in custody, returning to his true identity of Pasha at the end. Fuckin’ WHOOF.

But there’s the problem: with Lara’s usefulness as a lure gone, she’s now set to be executed, along with Katya. Given this information, Yuri agrees to go with Victor, and Lara and Katya come along. But guess what! THERE ISN’T ENOUGH ROOM ON THE CARRIAGE OUT OF THERE. BECAUSE OF COURSE THERE ISN’T.

And in case you weren’t sure, Zhivago is indeed left behind, as he actually never intended to go with Victor, due to his dislike for the man. But Lara’s now safe, which is what he wanted all along. Not to mention the fact that Lara is now pregnant with Yuri’s daughter. Which is when we cut back to the present day.

Tanya, from the very beginning, is almost certainly Lara and Yuri’s daughter. Born the same year, in the China or Mongolia (where Lara was headed with Katya and Victor), and with similar eyes and complexion, it’s a near certainty. She denies it, but Yevgraf continues. See, he eventually did find Yuri, malnourished, and cared for him.

Stalin’s now in charge, and Yuri is practicing Dr. Zhivago once more. Years later, he boards a trolley in the city, suffering from a heart disease at this point. On the trolley, he sees Lara walking on the street, and tries to get off to see her. But, once he finally gets off the trolley, the strain is too much for him.

At Yuri’s funeral, Lara and Yuri meet. There, she asks for Yevgraf’s help to find her child, but they never do. And after that, at some point...she’s taken to one of Stalin’s labor camps, where she most certainly died. Jesus, man.

And now, we learn of Tanya’s fate. Komarovsky, whom she believed to be her father, abandoned her on the streets when running from the chaos of the Russian Civil War. BECAUSE HE IS A GODDAMN DICK. She does not want to believe that this is the truth, but she says that she’ll consider it. As she and her partner, David, leave the interview, it’s revealed that she can play the balalaika, which her departed father could never do. But the fact that she’s a self-taught master of it speaks to her ancestry, as Zhivago and Lara’s daughter.

And uh...I’m gonna be honest, that didn’t even feel like 3 hours and 20 minutes. Really! That was Doctor Zhivago! I really liked this one! But more on that in the Review. Stay tuned for that!

[goodnightsweetme]

Some thoughts about The Magicians S4 finale

I want to write a bit (recreational activity for me) and I have thoughts about The Magicians, especially about what went down in S4, so there we go. It will probably turn out long and rambly, so buckle up. But first, a few disclaimers.

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As I will discuss The Magicians plotlines & the writers' creative choices there will be spoilers. If you haven't seen S1-S4 and you don't want to be spoiled, don't read past this point.

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I won't be discussing the writers actions after the finale, neither the silence nor the interviews. It's garbage fire and I don't have time for this. (It's rather baffling that in this day and age tv business professionals still handle the communication with the fanbase this badly.)

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Now, I would not call myself a fan of The Magicians, but I got engaged in the story. I'm a fan of very few shows these days and usually I steer clear from the fandoms' open waters. I don't have the time or the energy, so I stick to the friends I've made back in the day.

As such, I haven't watched The Magicians until after the S4 finale. Recently I've been thinking about the treatment of the queer characters in the ongoing tv shows, so the Q's death controversy was right up my alley. I also had some time for a binge and some personal issues to be distracted from (no worries, I'm dealing with them, I just couldn't allow them to cause me obsessing over them).

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I've tried to read Grossman's books when they first came out and I decided they weren't for me. I still think that. If you want some quality fantasy recs, hit me up.

When the show first came out I watched first few eps and then noped out of it. I thought it was pretty bad and full of issues and, and upon rewatch, that's still my opinion about the first half of the 1st season.

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The show does get better. It's ocasionally great (S3 is pretty strong and thoroughly enjoyable – with eps 3.04 & 3.05 being really really good, the first one for its storytelling quality, the second one for its emotional payoff). However it has various issues throughout that would have made me mistrustful of the writers, even if I didn't know what happens to Q.

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So, you may say I went in prepared and with my reservations. As a consequence I didn't really have the feeling of rage and betrayal that the long time fans did. But I get them and they are so valid. Take care of yourselves, take care of each other, take your time to process the grief in a way that works for you. And stay hydrated.

Now, processing what happened might include some action and engagement. I've seen fanfic writing, article writing, venting on different platforms, sharing the experiences of your lives and loves and mental health, #PeopleLikeMe campaign, Change petition, decisions to stop watching the show and fundrasing for the Trevor Project. Things big and small, heartbreaking and inspriring. The only thing we shouldn't do is harass the writers (and thankfully I've seen very little of that), because harassment is never ok. And we are better than that.

Creators can fuck up (and I will defend their right to fuck up, we're all only human) and we can call them out. Maybe they will learn from their mistakes, maybe not (and if not, well, fans will move on to the greener pastures, where we will get better and kinder stories), but maybe someone else will, someone who is or might become a creator themselves. And maybe there's a little consolation in that.

(And this is why we shouldn't stay silent.)

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Thinking about it, I see two explanations for killing Q:

the writers did it for shock value, knowing it will get them some buzz (and they miscalculated how much and what kind of buzz)

the writers really don't understand their own show and characters

I believe it may be both.

Even in the first season, when Q introduces us to the world of the show as he himself gets introduced to it, I'd still say The Magicians are an ensemble show. And the show deals with Q being the „white male lead” in the S1 finale when Q gives Alice the knife (and has a speech dealig with that directly, the show does this kind of thing repeteadly, characters monologuing or explaining trope/plot to another character, it's terrible writing, but it's explicit, you can't say the show didn't say something) and uses the fact that the Beast sees him as the „hero” against it, providing distraction for Alice to act. And the show reinforces the notion of Q not being the main hero of the story repeatedly throughout the series and in various ways (Julia being the variable to make loop 40 successful, Eliot becoming High King and so on and so forth).

So when we arrive to S4 Q is:

one of a diverse group of pretty fucked up but still lovable friends (effectively a millenial found family)

average magician

dealing with his mental issues that didn't go away when he discovered magic/Fillory

canon bisexual

caring and loyal and nerdy and awkward

(Gee, how come so many people identified strongly with that.)

(Sorry for the snark.)

No one holds against Q that he isn't some kind of Chosen One, because it was never what his friends expected from him or valued him for. He sometimes/low-key expected it from himself, but the show dealt with that. Repeteadly. And that was fine and that was subverting tropes.

So when the writers first sideline him and then have him killed in S4 finale (in a pretty straightforward Heroic Sacrifice scene), they don't kill a straight white male hero wearing the plot armor, they kill a vulnerable young queer man with mental health issues. And guess how many of them we have on our screens.

What makes the matter even worse:

they handled Q's history of suicidal thoughts/tendencies horribly

it turns out that what looked like a clear setup for future romantic relationship between Q and Eliot was in fact a setup for Eliot's grief story (Right up the Bury Your Gays alley as if that's still the only story a gay man can get on tv. In 2019.)

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I do belive you still can write a valuable and respectful story of a queer person comitting suicide and their family, friends and community being left to deal with the aftermath, but you'd need to put into it a lot more work, time, thought, talent and sensivity than The Magicians writers did or even are (in my opinion) capable of.

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For all of the tropes subverting, sometimes very entertaining, The Magicians still were an escapist story at heart. And I really can't think of anything worthwhile the writers archieved by pulling the rug from under its fans.

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Other issues with S4 finale that I might write about sometime in the future (but now maybe I’ll go and rewatch some Black Sails, Doom Patrol or Killing Eve):

treatment of Julia and Penny 23

treatment of Kady

treatment of the Monster (really)

treatment of Margo and Josh

resolution of the two main storylines (The Library & the Monsters)

[krpk-remaking]

hi im not that last anon but if youd like to explain dark continent id rly appreciate it, ive tried reading it like 3 times already and i can tell its good but im just too dumb to get it jsjsjsjskkw

youre not dumb dont worry togashi just likes confusing us with a lot of text! ill put it under the read more!! :))) im gonna recap everything thats happend since the anime ended so its gonna be long !!! im sorry this is probably gonna be as mad as reading the manga

this is just a recap of what happend before the arc so you can just skip this if you dont need it!

after the anime ends, the zodiacs receive a video of kakins emperor announcing their journey to the dark contient (forbidden) with the help of neteros son, beyond netero pariston has joined forces with him and he and ging have both left the zodiacs, ging also joins beyonds team and forces pariston out of his role of second in command and takes over his position

meanwhile steiner (political figure) posing as v5 (the rulers of the five biggest countries) has comissioned the zodiacs to hunt beyond netero who turns up at their headquarters to hand himself over

cheadle, in need of two new zodiac members recruits leorio who suggests kurapika as rat, mizai goes to get him with the promise of him being able to get the remaining scarlet eyes, as prince tserriednich (fourth son of kakins emperor) posesses them and kurapika accepts

cheadle makes beyond sign a contract that basically states that he is allowed to go on the journey to the dark continent but will be imprisioned the whole time

meanwhile, mizai and kurapika find the mole in the zodiacs, the person that is on beyonds/paristons side, its the monkey zodiac saiyu

meanwhile another hunter exam takes place and kurapika uses his dousing chain to make sure none of the applicants are on paristons side (he failed them if they are) theta and other bodyguards also pass this exam and become hunters

six kakin princes put out bodyguard requests and kurapika gets five of his allies to fill the positions so that no other anti-zodiac hunters can get on board

kurapika chooses the bodyguard requests he beieves is most likely to belong to prince halkenburg ( he wanted the position because halkenburg and tserriednich are on good terms) but ends up with prince woble and promises her mother that he will do his best to protect her (he doesnt seem to be lying and actually prioritizes woble on the boat)

all 14 kakin princes receive a nen beast through an ancient ritual

hisoka and chrollo have a fight in heavens arena that escalates greatly and hisoka dies but revives himself with nen and promises machi to kill every last member of the phantom troupe, then kills kortopi and shalnark. chrollo and the phantom troupe board the boat in belief that hisoka is on it as well but we have yet to see him

this is where the current arc starts!!!!

everyone boards the ship and it heads off to the dark continent, but the zodiacs will have the “normal” people, kakin royality and others reach a fake dark continent, less dangerous and plan to arrest saiyu (traitor zodiac) shortly before arriving there

wobles staff looses most members, as they are revealed to be working for other princes and two/three are killed by an unknown nen user, only bill and kurapika are now working as bodyguards for woble

benjamin sends one of his bodyguards (vincent) to woble, to act as spy and bodyguard to her but hes stopped by bill and kurapika and comitts suicide by swallowing a pill

babimyna is sent by prince benjamin since vincent comitted suicide

kurapika reveals that hes able to steal nen abilities and share them and shares an ability to control small insects with queen oito which they use to spy on the other princes, queen oito sees how prince momoze (hanzo was assigned to her) is killed and screams out, trying to get up and help her but kurapika stops her as babimyna is sent by another prince and isnt supposed to know about oitos ability but oito tells him that childs life is on the line and he should get his priorities in order (or something along those lines)

the third prince, zhang lei, contacts kurapika since kurapika has announced the existence of guardian nen beasts to everyone and is as such now known as nen user and questions him about nen

kurapika begins giving bodyguards from every princes lectures about nen to educate them (no open hostility can be displayed or an arrest will happen, the succession war is going on in secret and the public isnt allowed to know) and the same unknown nen user from earlier kills another person

hanzo kills the murderer of prince momoze in secret and is now officially assigned to guard prince marayam with bisky ( he was with him earlier because momozes and marayams mother told him that marayam had priority and ordered him to leave her daughter)

the phantom troupe beat up members of the mafia while second prince camilla attempts to attack first prince benjamin but is imprisioned

fugetsu begins learning about her nen ability while the unknown nen user kills again

the phantom troupe splits up, shizuku bono and chrollo going together, machi going alone, phinks feitan and nobunaga going together as well as kalluto and illumi, franklin is by himself too i think

phinks feitan and nobunaga join forces with the mafia

theres three strings of mafia aboard, all cooporating ewith a different prince, all of them are led by unofficial childern that the current emperor of kakin or his father had (two of them are uncles to the princes, one is a sister) and theyre scarred so their status as illegitimate children can be recognized

the hei-ly family is lead my morena, the illegitimate child of the current emperor and her nen ability is based on having others awaken their nen through killing, they gain levels and kakin princes give you the most levels, morena activates the level up system in a person by kissing them, multiple murders happn on lower decks and the military starts sweeping them

mizai investigates a murder and later finds illumi and kalluto on board, illumi reveals that the phantom troupe is on board and mizai is afraid they might be here to take revenge on kurapika but doesnt tell him (yet?), then is called away to prince fugetsu who traveled with her nen ability to the lower decks

meanwhile one of prince benjamins bodyguards (rihan) uses his nen ability to kill prince sale sales nen beast and switches places with a different bodyguard belonging to benjamin who then kills prince sale sale. rihan is currently guarding prince tsubeppa, planning on taking out her nen beast too as soon as his ability has recharged (takes two days)

halkenburg attempts to plead with his father to stop the succssion war for a second time (first tiem at the banquet) and first tries to shoot his father and then himself but their nen beasts stop the bullets

meanwhile phinks feitan and nobunaga take it up to kill morena, as requested by the cha-r family mafia branch

kacho has been planning her escape with melodys help and attempts it with fugetsu during melodys music performance that has everyone in trance but it fails and she dies( the conditions of the ceremony that granted the nen beasts also state that noone can leave the ship while the war is going on) , yet her nen beast materializes and takes her form so fugetsu isnt alone and they all think shes survived

during all this theta has been teaching nen to tserriednich whos learning at alarming speed and she attempts to shoot him as she recognizes that hes way to dangerous but tserriednich activates his nen ability (being able to experience ten seconds of the future, acting on what would be the best thing for him and then traveling back those ten seconds) and avoids being shot. his nen beast threatens theta and leaves a (nen?) scar on her face that looks like an infection and may spread if theta betrays tserriednich again

juliano and izunavi, bodyguards to tyson have been reading her bible and juliano has fallen under the influence and if he kills, tysons nen beast will kill him for disobeying tysons bible and hes also been bound to protect prince tyson with his everything (hes gonna die :( )

halkenburgs aura is growing stronger and bursts of it can be felt on the whole (?) ship

meanwhile kurapiks nen lectures are going well and all of his students have awoken to nen with the help of bill

i feel like i forgot some stuff and this was very long but if you have anymore questions feel free to ask!!!!!!!

[hvckleberried]

yeah, he’s smoking inside. fucking sue him. miles leans back against the countertop and watches these idiots actually work. he takes a long drag. blinks. are you gonna, like, help at all, man? his exhale’s elongated; he watches his own breath fade into the rafters. 

“ oh, does this bother you ? ” he asks, feigning concern. even cocks his head to the side for good measure. he lifts the cigarette in question to confirm their distaste. the other boy nods. miles’s forefinger taps against the cig and flicks ash onto his stupid west ham high shirt. and there it is. the smirk.

 “ my. bad. ”  

or, alternatively : ‘tis i, linc, with *dj khaled voice* anotha one !!  greetings & salutations to huckleberry jeremiah vernon. call him MILES or he actually might kill you. 

[   m   i    l    e    s        v    e    r     n     o     n      ––    OPEN   FLAME .

✔  oc + wc┊❝ ( aria shahghasemi. he/him &. cismale ) eighteen year old huckleberry jeremiah vernon was listening to "paint it, black” by the rolling stones when the field trip buses turned around. rumor has it he spent two years in juvie & is the unbeknownst father of becca’s child, but who knows if that’s true? what we do know is that their friends describe them as alluring & deft, even if they’re known to be a little anarchic & noxious from time to time.

( &&. general information )

full name: huckleberry jeremiah miles vernon

nickname(s) or alias: miles, vernon, fuckleberry finn ( west ham football team, freshman year ), that asshole, the scary one, the kid ( his foster parents )

preferred name: miles. call him anything else and it’s your funeral, fuckface.

current age: eighteen

astrological sign: scorpio

gender: cismale

preferred pronouns: he/him

sexual preference: bisexual

romantic preference: biromantic

home environment: the kiersney household. a manor-like three-story at the edge of west ham’s easternmost woods. it looks like ikea ate pier 1 imports and fucking barfed up its bones the next day. statement walls. matching furniture. modern art on the walls. his foster parents have a motherfucking sculpture in the front foyer. it’s sickening. suburban. tame. tidy.

current occupation: student. delinquent.

language(s) spoken: english. i’ll-wring-your-neck-with-just-my-eyes. spanish, barely.

native language: english.

current relationship status: his knuckles kissing your face.

( &&. background )

reason behind name: huckleberry jeremiah vernon won his name in the lottery of misfortune: at least, that’s what his aunt used to say to the young boy. he doesn’t know a lot about his parents. enough to know they were royal fuck-ups, crackheads with nothing better to do than fuck and get high and have an accidental kid. they thought it’d be a hilarious form of payback: this monster takes nine months of their precious time, so they’d make his life hell. simple. so when his parents died when he was just an infant, his aunt had the opportunity to change his name. shift the tide. but she couldn’t bring herself to go against her dead sister’s wishes, however fucking twisted up she got because of her bad-news boyfriend. she took huckleberry in and insisted on calling him by his birth name until, at three years old, he was sent home from school with a drawing of his aunt with x’s for eyes. “ my auntie if she keeps saying it ”. from that day forward, he was jeremiah. then miles. only miles.

birth order:  first and only for his biological family. the second-youngest of his cousins, when he lived with his aunt. they had a massive falling out after he returned from juvie. she chucked him out like he was rotten meat. the oldest ( or perhaps same age ) as his current foster brother.

ethnicity: what’s it to you. iranian-american

nationality: american.

religion ( tw: death, acts of violence ): fuck that shit. there’s no god. if there were a god, it’d be fucking him. this wasn’t always miles’s view; it started when he was 4, and accidentally killed his aunt’s cat in front of his cousins. they always hit people when they were doing something wrong in cartons! the cat was trying to steal his cheese stick. so... he hit it with a book. his aunt she made him go to bible camp that summer, where he was vilified for his name. “huckleberry’s a dingleberry! hahaha! where’s tom sawyer, huh?” whatever god there was wouldn’t let him have this name. or this life. he wouldn’t have let his parents die: huckleberry would later find the news clipping. “ bronx couple found shot dead in stolen vehicle, ruled double-suicide. ”  religion’s the opiate of the masses. it’s how pansy people sleep at night. young huckleberry wasn’t allowed back at church after he dropped one of those big candles and watched the altar go up in flames. fine by him. he started playing with fire. messing with the wrong people. getting wrapped up in sketchy city boy shit. any shred of faith left in his body was torn away when he and his older buds planned to rob a bank: miles was 12; his cohorts ( ty & presley ) were 18. miles did most of the electronic work: hacking the cloud, derailing the security system. they stormed the fucking bank of america. one of them whipped out a gun. miles... stabbed somebody in the shoulder, to get them off of ty. he watched that security guard die, that day. but not before his bullet ripped through ty’s head. juvie happened. two years. aggravated manslaughter. he got off easy, as a minor. presley’s still behind bars. so, yeah. there’s no motherfuckin’ god out there. and if there is? he can kindly suck miles’s dick.

political views: politics. are. bullshit. go cry to somebody else about your opinions. there’s 7 fuckin’ billion people on this planet and you think your thoughts on zoning laws and gun control matter? cry him a fucking river.

financial status: he’s secure, because of his foster parents. he keeps testing ‘em, to see if they’ll fuckin’ send him back. broken merchandise; we want a refund. but they don’t, so he... just keeps taking. stealing money from their wallets. selling expensive shit from the house to buy good shit. pocket knives. lighters. alcohol. a gun. 

hometown: bronx, new york city, new york. now it’s west ham. fuck that.

level of education: high school junior. because of his time in juvie, he entered school in west ham as a freshman at 15. he’ll turn nineteen before his senior year. not that it matters. he’s already planning his escape. he’s lifted enough money to skip town soon, go back to new york. avenge ty’s death. he’s got the other security guard’s details, from that day. it pays to be skilled with a keyboard. he’s brilliant, when he wants to be. sharp-witted. his idea of a prank last year was sending an anonymous tip in to the school saying the whole place might blow. hacking the database to make it look like it was sent from a real address. he’s still surprised people aren’t more fucking grateful. he secured them a stupid day off. he’s also known to hack into the cloud to get test answers, and sell ‘em to people that don’t completely make him want to punch them.

( &&. physical appearance )

looks like (or face claim, if applicable): aria shahghasemi. he’s got these midnight black curls. piercing gray eyes. 

height: 5′10. but don’t let that get your guard down.

figure/build:  lean and muscular. won’t be caught dead in west ham’s stupid gym, but he’s fit. his foster parents put in a whole boxing studio in their basement just for him. he’s been known to get into fights, throw punches. it was their way to kind of, like... get his anger out. joke’s on them; he’s not giving it up. that shit’s his. 

hair colour: black.

hair length: mid-length. curly, so it looks shorter than it actually is.

eye colour:  gray.

glasses?:  no. just shades.

skin tone: olive. smooth.

tattoos:  he got one in juvie, on the side of his right wrist. a cross. makes him laugh. irony. he’s in the process of self-tattooing fuck between his left forefinger and thumb, but only the jagged f is there right now. it’s a process. he can’t stomach the needle.

piercings: one diamond stud in his left ear. it’s about the side of a pencil eraser. stolen.

birthmarks/scars/distinguishing marks: a few faded cross-hatches near his hairline, from fights that resulted in stitches. a six-inch line across his chest. knife. a few patches of scar tissue from burns on his palms. all juvie.

dominant hand: left-handed. you can tell because that’s the hand he always uses to flick his lighter on and off, on and off. he’s always playing with that damned thing.

if painted, what color are their nails?: who do you think he is, fuckin’ bowie? jesus.

usual style of clothing: black on black on black. did i mention black? black t-shirts, leather jackets, denim jackets, dark jeans, boots. wouldn’t be caught dead in fuckin’ sneakers. failed gym because he wasn’t about to put on dowdy shorts and t-shirts just to run around a glorified prison for 30 minutes every day. oh, there’s a pep rally? we’re supposed to wear centurion colors? fuck you.

frequently worn jewelry:  he wears a thin gold chain around his neck every day. sometimes he’s got rings.

describe their voice, what accent?:  his voice is very punchy, low. cat-like. glimmers of some new york peppered in here and there.

what is their speaking style (fast, monotone, loquacious)?:  clipped. acidic.

describe their scent: amber. tobacco. smoky.

describe their posture:  he stands tall, defiant, aloof. chin always tipped up in the face of oncoming threats. his whole body’s a proverbial middle finger to the world: yeah, i’m here. bite me.

( &&. legal information )

any speeding tickets?:  yep. went 80 in a 25 zone.

have they ever been arrested?:  yes. at this point, the west ham police force is really tired of his shit.

do they have a criminal record?:  absolutely. various misdemeanors. cybercrimes. property damage, breaking & entering. shoplifting. aggravated assault. 

have they committed any violent crimes?:  hAs He CoMiTtEd AnY vIoLeNt cRiMeS ??? ( he’s laughing. )

property crimes?: affirmative.

traffic crimes?: should be the least of your concern.

other crimes?: don’t even get me started. the moral compass on this kid is... nonexistent. the answer to the world’s problems is fuck ‘em. anarchy.

( &&. medical information )

blood type: o negative.

date/time of birth: december 3rd. 3:32am. witching hour. ha.

place of birth: shitty hole-in-the-wall crackhouse. his parents dropped him at his aunt’s before freewheeling.

vaginal birth or cesauren section?: vaginal birth.

sex: male.

smoker? / drinker? / drug user?:  yes / yes / yes. what can he say? he’s an equal-opportunity employer.

allergies: grizz visser. fuckin’ ass. nosy people. pop music.

ever broken a bone?: his nose in second grade: the other kid got it worse. his hand in fifth grade. worth it. couple ribs in juvie. his arm, when he was a baby. his parents wanted to see if gravity was, like. real.

any physical ailments/illnesses/disabilities: nah. not that he’d tell you anyway.

any medication regularly taken: nyquil, sometimes. helps him sleep.

( &&. personality )

direct quote from them:  *blinks at you like you’re speaking swahili* 

positive traits: alluring, deft, crafty with computers. sly.

negative traits: anarchic, acerbic, explosive. heedless. noxious. 

likes: the flick of the flame. beat poetry. darkroom photography. scared glances. messing with the system. sidestepping boundaries. wintergreen lifesavers. blueberry slushies. ac/dc, the stones, lynyrd skynyrd, sting, the offspring, kansas. buttered toast. milk duds. history. cigarettes: he’s always got one tucked behind his ear.

dislikes: fucking football team. working on yearbook ( detention punishment ). catch him taking photos of those morons with his middle finger in frame. his roots. his aunt, for casting him out. his foster family, for giving him so many chances. he doesn’t deserve them. his name. bright sunlight, hurts his eyes. pistachios. remembering. weak alcohol. fraternizing with the idiots of west ham.

strengths: he’ll figure out your nervous ticks within two minutes of talking to you. he can go hours watching someone ramble and not say a thing, and not break his expression. making others feel small. digging his fingers into your dirt. finding back doors, loopholes, and getting through cybersecurity like a hot knife through butter. baking – but tell anybody and he’ll end you. tying cherry stems with his tongue. making sense of ginsberg. remembering stupid historical facts. pope gregory ix executed cats and that allowed rats to spread the bubonic plague in masses. still fuckin’ like your religion, asshole?

weaknesses: vengeful. his definition of justice is very much based in vigilante action; an eye for an eye. he’s got an aloof disposition, but his past wounds are still seething. empathy. expressing emotions other than anger. patience. impulse control. he can’t hide that you’re pissing him the hell off. swears in front of kids, often. probably slept with your aunt two towns over. can’t lose an argument, ever. even with authority figures.

insecurities:  what if he... caused ty’s death? what if that’s on him? is he worth shit? he’ll make himself worth something. he’ll get them back. all of ‘em. he’ll make ‘em pay.

fears/phobias:  hates needles. but fucks with ‘em anyway. fears oblivion, but puts up a front like he’s chill with it. fears he’ll never muster up... a purpose. or whatever the fuck people call it. fears this is all he’ll ever be: an eighteen-year-old fuckup with a record, hands that itch to fight, to crush, to destroy. 

habits:  playing with his lighter. chewing on toothpicks. popping milk duds like pills. glaring at everyone, no one, nothing. everything. laughing in the face of authority. making unprecedented digs at people, just because he can. propping his feet up on the desk in front of him when his teachers ask him to answer questions, twirling a pencil in his hands like he’s god. grabbing a slushie from 7/11 just to have something to do with his hands. messing with the popular kids’ social medias, just for fun. hacking the online lunch menu to see his classmates get fuckin’ pissed when mozzarella sticks are served on friday, not today, sorry. driving to neighboring towns’ parties and hooking up with chicks there. masquerading as a man with a reason. hitting up college parties often. lingering in shadow. living in gray areas. writing his own notes in the front of library books, on the title page, in sharpie. “ fuck you ten thousand ”  on the school’s copy of pride & prejudice. “ kindly die, thanks ” in gone with the wind. “ congrats, you’re literate ” in the front of catcher in the rye.

quirks: always sits in the back left corner of the room, near the window. he literally jumped out, sophomore year, when the school security officer tried to bust him for selling pills to a freshman in the hall earlier that day. popping his earbuds in during lectures. maintaining unbroken eye contact with teachers as he does so. getting ~very close~ and speaking ~very low~. purring threats. can never drink lightly. skipping school often, fabricating online attendance to avoid suspension. barely eating the food his foster parents prepare. leaving the table early, unexcused. digging into the leftovers after everyone’s gone to bed. severing ties. if he’s lucky, never makin’ ‘em in the first place. his new yorkisms come out when he’s drunk, or high, or tired.

hobbies: darkroom photography. reading poetry. burning shit. smoking. walking around the mini mart like he’s a hunter in the wild, just to make the clerks uncomfortable.   

guilty pleasure:  he listens to “lore” and “my favorite murder”. but he disguises that shit, saving the album covers of the podcasts as seether.

desires: to avenge ty’s death. get the fuck outta west ham. to find a reason to be here. a reason why.

wishes: his parents didn’t kill themselves. cowards. they deserved to deal with him. they deserved to be tortured, for doing this to him. he wishes he hadn’t pulled that knife on his aunt. then at least he’d still be in new york city, instead of here, with this stupid fuckin’ foster family that just won’t let him go.

secrets: killed a guy. the reason for his juvie sentence is redacted on his public record. he’s lonely, a lot of the time. and, oh yeah: he’s becca’s baby daddy.

turn ons:  no bullshit. sarcasm. intellect. no strings.

turn offs:  sentimentality. smileyness. too much perfume. caring.

lucky number: 1. he’s all he’s got.

pet peeves:  chewing gum: fucking pellegrino and his damned bubbles. bubbly people. cassandra pressman and the tree-sized stick up her ass. foot tapping. prying. school involvement. slow drivers. slow walkers. slow thinkers.

their motto:  “ fuck you very much. ”

( &&. favourites )

food: falafel. shut up.

drink: he brought vodka to school in a water bottle once. diet coke.

fast food restaurant:  wendy’s. he likes the chocolate frosties.

flavour: chocolate. 

word: fuck. for a vast array of reasons.

colour:  black.

clothing: his most worn leather jacket. touch it and he’ll end you.

accessory: the gold chain ‘round his neck. it was ty’s.

candle scent: smoke. tobacco. whatever that shit is, patchouli.

game: fuck games. fuck fugitive. leave him alone.

animal:  he has such a soft spot for caterpillars.

holiday: christmas. he likes baking shit. but if that ever gets out, he’ll flip.

weather: pouring rain, with patches of sun in between. it’s rare, but damn. it’s kind of beautiful.

season: summer. fast drives, windows down. no school. no bullshit.

book: on the road, jack kerouac.

artist: aerosmith.

band/group: ac/dc, kiss, guns ‘n roses, van halen, def leppard.

song: we’re not gonna take it, twisted sister.

movie/film:  star wars. fuck off, it’s good.

tv show:  history docs. he likes those decade pieces on the history channel.

sport: boxing.

possession:  his lighter.

number: 1.

person:  that’s the dumbest question he’s ever heard. himself. he’s lying.

( &&. skills )

talents: hacking. lying. breaking rules. testing limits. photography. playing people.

ability to drive a car?:  yes. recklessly.

can they ride a bike?:  yes, chooses not to.

do they play any sports?:  tonsil hockey. heartbreaking. boxing.

anything they’re bad at?:  empathizing. serenity.

do they have any combat training? why?:  yep. his friends in grade school. juvie.

( &&. firsts )

childhood memory: crushing a handful of cheerios in his tiny hands and feeling... powerful.

crush: ava watson. she said she liked his eyes.

email address: jinxyouoweme@aim.com

job: reception at a local gym in west ham. lasted a day; he punched a guy.

phone: flip-phone. now he’s got an iphone.

kiss: hanna parler. 6th grade. said she’d miss him before he left for juvie.

love:  HA. nice try, dick.

sexual experience: josie thwaites. 6th grade. they didn’t know what the fuck they were doing.

( &&. childhood )

best childhood memory?:  try again.

worst childhood memory?:  seeing ty’s eyes go dim.

what were they like as a child?:  angry. electric. not easily tamed.

any crushes growing up?:  some. he doesn’t do that now. crushing.

( &&. this or that )

expensive or inexpensive tastes?:  expensive.

hygienic or unhygienic?: hygienic.

open-minded or close-minded?: close-minded. his way or bust.

introvert or extrovert?: introvert. buzz off.

optimistic or pessimistic?: pessimistic. optimism’s dead.

daredevil or cautious?:  daredevil. caution’s an early grave.

logical or emotional?:  emotional.

generous or stingy?:  stingy.

polite or rude?:  rude. so rude.

book smart or street smart?:  both.

popular or loner?:  loner. notorious, though. everyone knows who he is. wonders what his deal is. he’s got this... dark magnetism. if you’re smart, you’ll stay away.

leader or follower?:  leader. follows his own path. likes disrupting order.

day or night person?:  night.

cat or dog person?:  cat. despite what his childhood mistakes might lead you to believe.

closet door open or closed while sleeping?:  open. come get him.

( &&. social media )

do they have a facebook? twitter? instagram? vine? snapchat? tinder/grindr? tumblr? youtube? yes to facebook and instagram. no twitter, no vine. has a snapchat, rarely uses it. yes to tinder.

if so; name on facebook: miles vernon.

instagram user: milesvernon.

snapchat user: milesvernon.

( &&. musical tastes )

theme song: paint it, black –– the rolling stones. 

makes them sad:  anything by the beatles. makes him think of his aunt’s apartment. and then he gets angry.

makes them dance:   nope. he wouldn’t be caught dead dancing in front of the likes of you. when he’s drunk, anything with a decent beat will make him sway his hips a little.

( &&. miscellaneous )

do they have a fake i.d.?:  hell yeah. a couple.

are they a virgin?:  ha. no.

describe their signature:  chaos. barely legible.

how long would they survive in a zombie apocalypse?:  he’d bite a zombie’s fuckin’ head off, if that answers your question.

do they travel?: nah.

one place they would like to live:  anywhere but here.

one place they would like to visit:  anywhere but here.

celebrity crush:  camila mendes. tell anybody and he’ll hunt you down.

what can you find in their pockets/wallet/purse: cigs. lighter. some form of tic tac. 

place(s) your character can always be found:  in the shadows. on rooftops. places he shouldn’t be.

when does your character like to wake up?:  7:03am. he doesn’t like rounded numbers.

how does your character spend their free days?:  reading. burning some stuff. driving out to other towns to do reckless shit.

what’s your character’s bedtime routine?:  read some poems. have a cigarette. knock out.

what does your character wear to bed?:  boxers, no shirt.

if your character can’t fall asleep, what are they thinking about?:  ty’s brains. that knife. juvie. getting back. making them pay.

what is their idea of perfect happiness?:  revenge.

on what occasions do they lie?:  on what occasions don’t they lie ?

most marked characteristic: his ghost-gray eyes. his smirk. his hair.

what is one thing they’d most like to change about themselves?:  only one?

how would they like to die?:  in a blaze of fucking glory.

do they snore? no.

can they curl their tongue?: yes.

can they whistle?:  yep. he likes doing that yoo-hoo kind of whistle. makes people uncomfortable.

do they believe in the supernatural?:  nope. bullshit.

has anyone ever broken their heart?:  no.

have they ever broken anyone’s heart?:  yes. on purpose.

are they squeamish?:  not at all.  

have they ever seen anyone die? what happened?:  see above: ty. that security guard. he’s sure they won’t be the last.

are they a lightweight?:  not at all.

[akane171]

Haha, okay🤷🏻‍♀️🤣🤣

Yes yes, you're right about that, but meeeeeeeeeeehhhh, reading is still more fun and SO EXCITING😍🙈🙈🙈

Haha, I'm not even comparing, just generally prefer reading something else over writing my own stuff🙈 

Ohhhh, one chapter away from the ending? Uff, now THAT is just plainly cruel🙈🙈😖😖 My condolensces!🙈😭

1. We do not have a list, because we aren't murdering anyone (unless it's Rhea, I'd always be up for that😉) and 2. This actually sounds like YOU have a list, you cockatoo-murderer!🤨🧐😖

It is not, you were free to not stare at the naked butt and I even told you about the Karamel vid options, so the choice to watch it was yours 😏😂😌🤷🏻‍♀️

OHHHHHH😂😂 Lol, now that you say it, I guess it really must be confusing af for all non-europeans😂😂😂🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ Never thought about that😅🙈

Their states... Lol, don't they already have people from all states in "The Voice", "X Factor" and stuff?😅🤔 But oh well, their choice 🤷🏻‍♀️😅🙈

Ohhh, yesss, that ability would be 100% awe and some😍😍💃🏻 (Kinda reminds me of LW's idea to possess a Computer 🤔)

Juup, same😂 I'd just LOVE for him (or any villain tbh) to just go "You know what, fuck you, I'll just get rid of ALL of you" 😂 I still think Alek's words "Fine. Make me your villain" to Alina is one of the best lines ever cause it's so freaking accurate that she's just drawing lines between good/evil and chose him to be the villain in her story so she can justify her own repeated running away and disregard for anything but Mal as being the hero stopping the big bad villain🙄🙄 (Wasting Ben like that would be absolutely stupid! The guy managed to humanize and me people symphazise with his version of the Darkling mostly just with his eyes and expressions, his 'misunderstood "villain" that turns out to have been right all along' would be awesome)

Thaaanks🙈😖🙈🤞🏻🤞🏻

Ohh, I'm so HYPED for the chapter😍😍 PiaD!Eve-inspired Eve can only be BRILLIANCE INCARNATE💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻😍😍😍🙈🙈

Hmm, I hadn't really settled on one particular worst case scenario to imagine, but there were several scenarios I was afraid of in which Rhea just psychologically destroys poor Mon (or Karamel for that matter) in some way or form, because I still think Rhea is the kind of terrible mother whose mere words cut so deep, he'd never recover (and well, words DO hurt more and it's not like Show!Rhea didn't do that, e.g. when she made Mon believe his father comitted suicide because of him...)🙈🙈

Ehh, well at least they did lead a married life? And as I said, there were several versions and I only remember one ending in (a happy) death...? But hey, they might actually turn out happy cause Syaoran and Sakura seemed to be headed towards a bitter end but they AND their counterparts got to be happy, so there's a chance Sorashi would too?🙈

Haha, he kinda always looks good?😂 But I Gotta admit my favourite Mon-El look is probably still earlyS3!Mon with the short, spiked hair and light beard?🤔 Or S2!Mon from the moment he sat on Kara's couch and talked to James&Winn about Latching/hitching? Or arrgghh, no, I don't knoooowww🤔😂

Oh, btw, got another few songs for you:

-"Starlight" by Starset "Everytime" and "Crazy/You Drive Me Crazy" covered by Melissa on Glee (Seriously, listento those two and tell me the first isn't S3!Karamel and the second earlyS2!Karamel, I DARE you😂😂 Oh, bonus: There is even a Karamel video with Mel's version of "Everytime"😍) -Pretty much what feels like half the Songs from the movie "The Greatest Showman"

Anyway, have an awesome day and stay safe😁💪🏼

XXXX

BUT MORE WRITERS MEANS MORE FICS!!!!!!!

I think most of us feels like you, still we have to repay the universe somehow, and writing fics is the best thing. Make your own amazing karma! Or in th enext life you will end in fandoms that are not going to have fics at all!

There is special place in hell fro writers who leave their stories like that....

Nah, you and LW are talking about dead animals for soem time, the evidecnes ARE there, so you are both guilty. Even when we talk about spiritual animals. SHAME ON YOU

I wasn't, i just clicked the vid, change the tabs, but in the middle came back there and there was a naked dude drowning in the sea. THANKS

That's why it's so funny xD The only European week on social media, love it!

No idea, but I can't wait to hear all the country songs. I mean, not going to watch, but still, lol

Yeah, she has interesting ideas....

I mean... why to built a nice, well created villain with a motives and basically a good idea, to just waste him on her like that. Just make them win? Why not? Imagine the good guys finally losing. Just like that, the end of story. Evil won. Yay. Why no one writes it?

As for Alex... well, dude is played by Ben so i don't know what they would need to do with him to people dislike him. Eating puppies?

So, i will update tonight! Stane tuned :)

...well, no spoilers, but you kind of hit the nail with your Rhea's analysis.... but there is a twist, you will see xD

Also, I leave a lot of things not told, because I think people's imagination and what they fantsize about some plots etc, can be better what i would write, so I just leave them open space to fantasize... about torturing the characters xD it seems a lot of popel love to do it...

Le sigh....

Yeah, he looked GOOD. And his black Legion uniform. I just wished he smiled more... he looked like a tortured dead man walking most of the s3....

Will check all the songs on weekend. AND HEY! HOW ABOUT YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT MY SONGS, HUUUUUUUUUUUUH????

Same! Stay alive! :)

[genderpunktheo]

Weekly Writing Update

Page count: 001 // 002

What I did this week:

And I’m back with another weekly update. It’s been slow progress this week for so many reasons but I hammered out another page eventually. As soon as I get this prologue finished I want to share it with you guys so I'm itching to get there but right now I’m struggling to come up with the wording for this prophecy. I would just skip it and come back later but that would leave me with nothing to post for you!! 

A quote from this week’s progress:

“And it was as he did so that he spotted it: scrawled in thick black marker on the white tile was what he had been looking for. He pulled away. ‘Oh don’t stop now,’ the boy groaned ‘You are such a tease.’”

Music listened to:

Once again I have been listening to a tonne of different things because I have a playlist of about thirty songs for this book now. Nothing in particular that speaks to this scene though.

Inspirations/influences:

This week I have been absolutely spoiled with my choices to read on Wattpad and I’ve had two great stories with demonic boys/men as key characters (highly relevant to my interests and also just cool because I have Luci as my demon boy). 

The first of these is Lilium by @draconako . It comes with a tonne of trigger warnings so make sure you check those out first but it is a super intriguing story about a demon named Oliver who became that way after comitting suicide and his still living sister who is caught up in the murders he is investigating. Only three chapters up so far and I am hungry for more. 

The second is The Third Son by @asablehart. It’s different than what I’d usually go for as it’s not urban fantasy but it is so fucking good - it tells the story of a priest who saves a demon-blooded man and slowly begins to question what he believes. The world building and lore is so fascinating, the characters all feel so real and just aah! It has also been described to me as “a mix of politcal commentary and porn” so if that sounds like your sort of thing get reading.

This week’s goals:

finish the prologue 

How I got on: 

Not quite there yet but on the plus side I want to end with either the prophecy or Luci’s reaction to it and all I have left to write is the prophecy so I’m not far off. 

Goals for next week:

I’m back to lecture this week, struggling with four assignments all due mid May, and I’ve got some freelance jobs queued up so I’m not holding out any high hopes to be honest. But I’d like to write the prophecy, type up the full prologue, post it and get started on Chapter 1 ideally. 

[halforc-mercenary]

𝔗𝔥𝔯𝔢𝔢 ℭ𝔥𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔰 𝔄𝔰𝔰𝔬𝔠𝔦𝔞𝔱𝔢𝔡 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔐𝔞𝔯

𝔗𝔞𝔤𝔤𝔢𝔡 𝔅𝔶: @thesistersdastorio and @olliehaldstan 𝔗𝔞𝔤𝔤𝔦𝔫𝔤: @stonestridernerd  @anierous-sunblade   @demonhunter-atram  @leavenohoofprints   @wanderersofazeroth   @kiyastrasza  @crownofearth @thelightsking @sunhuli  @darkspearakhuni @vindicatorz  @valerians-travels @vaesha-draecon @thehumbleknight @crownofstormwind   @regennt   @meet-the-far@justusreece @warcraftings  @arcane-harbinger @wclfbrood @valathael @medivh-the-prophet @asharinhun  @obsidianprinxess @renalah @renserrar @theforgottenflight @shcmanisms @keynelis @verosmoonshine @sindoreisisters @ceruleanelf  @y-rel @xuldran  @hannyandfriends @thepaletroll   @elendeare @mciev @strmrage @ofmielikki @rcmmath @evershard @donttell-myfather…and everyone else!

1. ℜ𝔬𝔪𝔲𝔩𝔲𝔰  from  Ben  Canes “ The Forgotten Legion” Chronicals

       Romulus is a character born as a slave and sold to a Gladiatorschool at a very young age.  Like Mar he had learned from a young age how to kill and fight, he was trained to kill, he earned his livlihood with killing and he was good at killing, he was proud of his skills in battle, only to eventually realize with shock  at the end of his journey that he is simply not able to comit a coldblooded murder.  He shares with Mar this realisation and also his empathy and the love for their friends and family, that is all to wrong and even dangerous  in the worlds they are living in. Both characters try to identefiy with beeing warriors, trying desperately to delete the stigma (Remulus beeing born as a slave and Mar beeing born as a Halforc) that was marking them from their birth, with their Talent as soldiers. With Romulus eventually becoming a citizen of Italia, but then turning his back to the culture that had taken so much of him (literally with his twinsister Fabiolas death) and returning to Asia to find his in a battle against Scyths lost friend Brennus and with tha returning to a odysse because Brennus had been predicted to die in that battle so Romulus once again searchs for the impossible just as he had when he had searched for his place in a prejudice dominated society, and Mar still trying to find her place.

2. 𝔐𝔞𝔯𝔠𝔲𝔰𝔙𝔞𝔩𝔢𝔯𝔦𝔲𝔰 𝔉𝔞𝔩𝔠𝔬 from Marinis “Les Aigles de Rome”

  Atai, About Marcus: “Not bad for a roman boy…” Other Slave: “In his veins runs babarian Blood.”

Caught between two cultures as the son of a roman Soldier and the Daughter of a Chieftain of one of the tribes beyond the Rhine, Marcus is orginally a boy who  suffers under his fathers strict military upbringing to whichs exceptions  Marcus can not live up to. Marcus loves poetry, playing Harph,woodcraving and seems to have a strong connection to his mothers orgins since she thinks he had inherited her Mothers second face. When Gaius Julius Arminius/ Herrmann of the Cherusci tribe is given as a charge to his father Marcus finds another connection to his “barbarian” orgins. Eventually Marcus choses to cage away every flicker of the “weakness” his father hated so much and following the strict military philosophy of the world he is living in. However when Arminius gathers the tribes for rebellion (Varusschlacht/  Varusbattle), Marcus is once again caught between two cultures. Marcus and Mar both share the fate of beeing caught between two cultures who they both could never fully belong to  because of their Halfblood status and the realisation that both sides bear goods and bads they could themself not fully represet as their own . They try to dwell fully in one culture, but fail. They both follow the stict military philospophy of the people around them, even thought they both are as characters not made for it and are actually too sympathetic and compassioate to properly flourish in the strict military world around them. So both of them throw themself in a almost suicidal longing into battle to come up to their cultures expection, but when they do they can find no joy in it. They both long for  a more peaceful and happier life, but they are holding duty and loyality in  too high terms to give in to that longing. Mars surpressed talent for shamanism was inspired by Marcus subliminally Second Face. 

 Also Mar  got her sass from Marcus = “Loknar! Get lost and search yourself a knothole to blow off steam!” “Oh I remember your name, Sylvanus yes?” -”Seianus!” - “Hard to forget the last four letters of  your name.” “They call me Calvadurus, because I drill my soldiers by hitting my head against theirs […]” *Marcus after hitting C. down with the hunch of the others own shield : “I confirm: A hard head.”

3. 𝔐𝔞𝔫𝔞 from Emmanual Roudiers “ Neandertal”

Utterly loyal to her family/Tribe, but also harsh on fist encounter, Mana accompanies the Maincharacter Laghou to the Mosspeople to find a cure for the sickness that her tribe is suffering from and that killed her infantdaughter and her Brother. Mana is a realistic and very down-to-earth person (Laghou, smiling “Look, Mana! Bearcubs!”, Mana, promptly knowing when there are bearcubs there is also a Bearmother: ” Oh no…”), who willing seeks for knowledge in other cultures even thought knowledge is carefully hidden in the different tribes (just like Mar who let a orcish blademaster teach her during her time in Northrend). Mana  spends the Winter at the Mosspeoples camp and eventually becomes a Woman of the Moon and a Woman of the Moss, successfully uniting the two cultures in herself and acting as a ambassador. Mana is more than a Healer and a wise woman, she fights beside and at the beginning for the crippled Laghou even when she herself was already sick from the plague, and uses her witt and knowledge to overpower her opponents, just when she orders the group to rubb their skin and hair with cole so they won´t be seen in the night and can attack the Flesheater-Tribes Camp. While the two other Characters before (Romulus and Marcus) struggle with beeing stuck between cultures, Mana seeks it out and embraces it, using with respect and curiosity every chance to learn more to help her family which is also a Part of Mar who combinates her military Training from Arathi with her orcish physic and what she had learned in Northrend. Eventually Mar is shaped by a culture of wandering and permanent exchange, always eager to learn , for who stands still cultural, physical or in their quest for knowledge, will find a early grave.

[pandaisalwaysinlove]

Will you?

Summary: What happens when you break up with one of the BTS boy? Can you pretend that it never happened? Probably not, when your best friend is Yoongi. But what if your ex boyfriend is determined to convice you to give him a second chance? Will Suga play his role as a middleman? He certainly won’t stay silent.

Genre: fanfiction, suga x reader / yoongi x reader, bts x reader

Warning: /

Rating: /

A/N: Final part of my ff. Enjoy :)

Been trying to tell you this

I was supposed to tell you this

That this is all for you

Yoongi handed you lettuce „Here..hold it like this.“ He managed to form the lettuce in so called bowl and then with chopstick put meat, onion, garlic and mushrooms in it.

„Now wrap it.“ He told you and pointed at the mix of food in you hand.

„I.. what?“ you chuckled „How am I supposed to wrap it? Look at this, it’s a mess!“

„Your hair is mess, this is delicacy.“ He obliged you the food and finaly managed to fold it all in your mouth.

„Why you keep being like this?“ you grinned after you swallowed it.

„Because someone must teach you how to eat properly.“

„You don’t eat properly.“

„Eh, who asked for your opinion? Just hold this.“

You laughed and objected „I just ate three of them!“ 

„So what? This is for me.“  He loked at you and sighed „You’re so selfish.“

The lettuce you held in hand was overflowed with meat and other ingrediences.

„You can not eat this.“  It was the size of a tennis ball.

He didn‘t say anything. Adding some extra sauce he peckoned you to wrap it and  took the final work from you, putting it all into his mouth.

„I didn’t say antyhing.“  You laughed.

With Yoongi’s apettite was impossible for you two to leave before 9.p.m. He forced you to eat the same amount of food as much as he did. So you felt right on the edge before throwing up and comitting suicide. How can he possibly eat like this every day?

Finally he took out his vallet.

„Ahh forget about that.“  You protested „Just because you are wealthy and famous, it doesn’t mean, you’ll…“

His hand suddenly reached for yours, when the other was taking out your purse. He looked at you with something like blank face.  

„My dear Y/N, I know that you are sophisticated, strong, independent woman, but.. put the FUCKING PURSE in your GODDAMN BAG or I’ll skin you alive.“ Adding his gummy smile he stood up and went to the bar.

Stubborn little shit.

Grabbing your and his things you quickly ran out of the raestaurant. You heard his call and chortle. You catched for your breath, when you hid in near by bus station.

How happy, childish and playfull he made you. Although he reminded you of your used-to-be boyfriend, they were completely different. Here there was no push for what to say, what to look like or if you are wearing make up or not. There was no romantic, physical atraction or bond. He as like older brother or very old friend from school.

Suddenly you hear his footsteps and him leaning back at the glass side of the station.

„You know,“ his voice sounded half amused half tired „I didn’t think you are THAT childish.“

You stayed silence and raised to step to him, all of sudden he appeared next to you and urgently grubbed his things from you.

„What is it?“ you asked with laughter. He was very serious.

„Come.“ Was the answer of his strict sounding voice.

You followed him as he quickly dragged you through the street towards the square. As it was late night, there were not many people.

Because you both agreed on that you dont want to meet any fans o rif then the smallest amount, you picked one really honky-tonk „restaurant“ in very poor and accidentaly the most crimina lquater in Soul.

You hurried after him and then you inadvertently looked behind your shoulder. There was small group of men, gathering about 20 meters behind you. They were completely silent.

„Give me your hand.“ He said all at once and reached palm towards yours.

„Wha…why?“ you gasped when his fingers interweaved with yours.

„Less trouble.“

You followed his lead and the group of men was receiding. The probably never followed you but anyway it was very unwise from you two to hang around here alone.

Yoongi let go of your hand and waved at the taxman standing close to you. Even the square was silent and lonely. It wasn’t very pleasant night. Something heavy was in the air.

„It’s going to be storm.“ You said when you two sat in the car and Yoongi told the driver destination. It was your place.

He looked at you and scanned you with his dark eyes. Street lamps passing by the car and its orange light made his face look sharper and his eyes deeper.

„I was surprised that you didn’t throw up.“ He chuckled with look back out of the window.

„Why? It was thrilling.“

„Because you ate not done pork belly.“ He bursted in laughter.

 Ah woo woo Get away away away from me Get away away from me Ah woo woo Whatever it takes, save me, me Save me

 „Y/N?“

You turned to him when you fetched up at your door.

„Yes?“

„Can I come in?“ his eyes stared into the ground. When you didn’t answer he took a deep breath and then slowly turning his face to you „I have something…I want you to listen to something.“

Such a relief.

It sounded really odd.

Your heart started to beat again and you exhaled „Of course! Oh my, don’t do this to me again….“ You both laughed. Of course he did it on purpose.

When you entered your appartement, your hand automatically reached for lights, but he stopped you „Leave it.“

„What?“

He took off his jacket and stayed in your window bay. He stood there and observed the lights. He seemed a bit nervous.

„Some songs are better to listen in the dark.“

„You‘re scaring me now.“

He chuckled and put earphones into his phone. You sat on the pillow and waited.

Yoongi’s face was intent. His eyes quickly searched in the phone. What is going on?

„What if I heard it before?“

„You would tell me.“

You laughed „How can you be so sure.“

Not bothering himself with answer he sat down oposite to you and handed you his phone and earphones.

„Wait.“

He looked up at you and waited for the rest of the line.

„Why are some songs better to listen in the dark?“

He looked away and observed the lights again. Soft, almost accidental smile appeared on his face.

„Darkness can hide some...expressions. Some facial expressions that people are willing to show only in the night.“ He breath out and spotted his look on your toes.

„People are more open at night, too. They say and…share more than at daylight. Their responds are more honest and realy rarely lie. At night you dare to say more. Even more when you think no one is watching or listening. So,“ he turned back at you, sitting towards the window „I won’t look at you when you’ll listen to it.“

Then his head turned again „Don’t worry.“ He added softly.

„Okay.“ You said with surrender „Okay.“

You put the earphones in and pressed play.

 We laughed, we cried Those days with you, those moments are now in memories I said, grasping my crushed shoulder I really can’t do any more

 Last notes of the song were like drops of morning rain. Soft, fresh and soulful.

You opened your eyes.

„Jimin?“ you whispered.

„Y/N…“

At any other oportunity wou’d get up and make him leave. But now? When you heard his confession and his apology? When Yoongi, the little traitor set up all this just for you two meet?

Your ex sat on the place where was Yoongi before you shut your eyes. Now mr.Min wasn’t even in the appartement. He left you there.

„What.. what are you doing here?“ you managed to breathe out. Your hand automatically wiped out the tear, that was flowing down at your cheek. It was because of the song. So beautiful, innocent and intime song. That he sang into your ear.

„I..I wanted to make sure you’ll listen to it..“

There he was. The same old Jimin that wasn’t able to say anything directly. You remembered it all.

How he wasn’t able to confess to you. How he wasn’t able to kiss you in public or take your hand, because he was shy and insecure.

You leaned back at the wall and looked outside.

„I did. You can go now.“

„I don’t want to.“ He answered.

„But I do.“

Straight look into his deep eyes made him frown.

„I wanted to tell you something, too.“

The headphones landed on the ground. Now this trick became filthy and cruel. How Yoongi could do smething like this? Made you look at him again, listen to his voice. When you sworn to yourself to cut him of?

You looked at him, waiting.

„I am sorry.“ His voice was soft, shaking and pure. Nakedness of those words was scary. But you armoured yoursef. He told you that before.

„I miss you…“ he took a deep breath and his eyes run away. He looked out of the window like there would be script to tell him what to say.

„I think.. I can not… I am not good at this..“ he sighed  „.. and I know you deserve to be told this..“ his lips twisted into soft smile „You deserve to be loved.“

„And how am I supposed to know?“ you whispered.

Your boldness made him smile more. He wasn’t hurt, although those words were told to make him feel responsible. He was amused.

„I thouht I told you many times.“ His hand slowly played with his shoelaces.

„But then you left and I knew, how blind I was..how deaf and cruel to you.. I hurt you, because I wasn’t respecting you and appreciating you enough..“ although he made those long pauses between lines like always, you were still surprised, how he sounded. He was very self confident.

„I left you waiting, when I wanted to relax.. I didn’t show you love enough.. I didn’t listen to you..“

His eyes finally found yours „Now I know I can relax only with you… now I want to shout into the world that you were my girlfriend and still are in my heart.. I want to listen to you.. know every stupid theory cou come up with..“

„I want to tell everyone…“

Your hands somehow found themselves in his.

„I love you.“

Pull me from this hell

I can’t be free from this pain

Save me, I am being punished

 His lips were as soft and warm as you remembered.

[halforc-mercenary]

Five Characters Mar Identifies With

Tagged by: @beloris Tagging: Anyone!

1. Romulus from  Ben Canes “ The Forgotten Legion” Chronicals        Romulus is a character born as a slave and sold to a Gladiatorschool at a very young age.  Like Mar he had learned from a young age how to kill and fight, he was trained to kill, he earned his livlihood with killing and he was good at killing, only to eventually realize with shock  at the end of his journey  he is simply not able to comit a coldblooded murder.  He shares with Mar this realisation and also his empathy and the love for their friends and family, that is all to wrong and even dangerous  in the worlds they are living in. Both characters try to identefiy with beeing warriors, trying desperately to delete the stigma (Remulus beeing born as a slave and Mar beeing born as a Halforc) that was marking them from their birth, with their Talent as soldiers (With Remulus eventually becoming a citizen of Italia and Mar ...still trying to find her place).

2. Marcus Valerius Falco from Marinis “Les Aigles de Rome”

  Atai, About Marcus: “Not bad for a roman boy...” Other Slave: “In his veins runs babarian Blood.”

 Caught between two cultures as the son of a roman Soldier and the Daughter of a Chieftain of one of the tribes beyond the Rhine, Marcus is orginally a boy who  suffers under his fathers strict military upbringing to whichs exceptions  Marcus can not live up to. Marcus loves poetry, playing Harph,woodcraving and seems to have a strong connection to his mothers orgins since she thinks he had inherited her Mothers second face. When Gaius Julius Arminius/ Herrmann of the Cherusci tribe is given as a charge to his father Marcus find another connection to his “barbarian” orgins. Eventually Marcus choses to cage away every flicker of the “weakness” his father hated so much and following the strict military philospohy of the world he is living in. However when Arminius gathers the tribes for rebellion (just search Varusschlacht/  Varusbattle for the actual history of Arminius), Marcus is once again caught between two cultures. Marcus and Mar both share the fate of beeing caught between two cultures who they both could never fully belog to  because of their Halfblood status and the realisation that both sides bear goods and bads they could themself not fully represet as their own . They try to dwell fully in one culture, but fail. They both follow the stict military philospophy of the people around them, even thought they both are not made for it and are actually too sympathetic and compassioate to properly flourish in the strict military world around them, so both of them throw themself in a almost suicidal longing into battle to come up to their cultures expection, but when they do they can find no joy in it.They both long for  a more peaceful and happier life, but they are holding duty and loyality in a too high terms to give in to that longing. Mars surpressed talent for shamanism was inspired by Marcus subliminally Second Face.  Also Mar pretty much got her sass from Marcus = “Loknar! Get lost and search yourself a knothole to blow off steam!” / “Oh I remember your name, Sylvanus yes?” -”Seianus!” - “Hard to forget the last four letters of  your name.”/  “They call me Calvadurus, because I drill my soldiers by hitting my head against theirs [...]” *Marcus after hitting C. down with the hunch of the others own shield - “I confirm: A hard head.”

3. Mana from Emmanual Roudiers “ Neandertal” Utterly loyal to her family/Tribe, but also harsh on fist encounter, Mana accompanies the Maincharacter Laghou to the Mosspeople to find a cure for the sickness that her tribe is suffering from and that killed her infantdaughter and her Brother. Mana is a realistic and very down-to-earth person (Laghou, smiling “Look, Mana! Bearcubs!”= Mana, promptly knowing when there are bearcubs there is also a Bearmother” Oh no...”), who willing seeks for knowledge in other cultures even thought knowledge is carefully hidden i the different tribes (just like Mar who let a orcish blademaster teach her during her time in Northrend).

4. Nävis  from  Jean-David Morvans and Philippe Buchets “Sillage“ Stubborne to the bone, a genius in combat but also utterly compassionate Nävis was originally trained as a agent by Sillage because as a “human” she is not psy active. Nävis find joy in combat and is a fierce character, but because of her childish naivity (since she is in the first volumes a child) she does not understand that she is a mere pawn. Eventually she realizes and has to find her own goals to prevent Sillage from using her as a tool. She shares with Mar her characterfeatures and also the rather late realisation of beeing eventually nothing but a good trained tool for the battlefield, eventually they both become “freelancers” to free themselfs of that pawn status and follow their own goals, following their own moral compass that makes them suprisingly weak for manipulation since they are both very compassionate characters under a layer of stubbornness and sass. Nävis is the only one of her kind in the beginning of the story, comperable to Mar who had always had the outsider status as a Halforc while growing up. Also Mar got Nävis green eyes and Mars human family got their medi

5. Garona Halforcen Probably every Halforc fan character in Wow is inspired by Garona, but thanksgod Mar had become  a individual character.