#I live in the deep south and as much as I love my irl friends I'm not out to any except like about 70% with one of them

[the-maddened-hatter]

Not me watching those Queer Tiktok comps on youtube and pretending that I'm not basically just doing this

[forthelulzy]

WIP WEDNESDAY

I think I can safely announce what it is I'm working on right now while Empty Shrines percolates.

The working title is and the sun will rise (yes, a line from Les Mis), the fandom is Lord of the Rings (surprise! new venture!) and while I have utterly no idea how long it will be in wordcount when done it's currently at almost 12k.

I have no summary yet, but the setup is an excuse to worldbuild Harad and the south in general Gondor, Fall 3018. Probably will end up being Faramir/OC (or +Eowyn? OT3? hmm). Very culture clash, not a 10th Walker if you're into that, but lots of outsider perspective, stranger navigating strange lands in strange times kind of thing.

And religion, since that has apparently become my thing *grumble* but dear Tolkien did not write his world for me to not gently push back on the "everybody worshiped the Valar OR Sauron" thing. (Since Sauron was a Maia, part of the same bloody pantheon as everyone else, it was all the same religion, just putting emphasis of different parts.) Anyway.

This excerpt is a dialogue between Faramir and Zihra, my OC from Harad (though she hates that as a category and tbh, so do I. It's like calling everybody from anywhere on the IRL continent "Asian". Technically, yes, but also no, bad writer. Harad just means "south", anyway.) on the subject of dead gods:

"[...][T]hey died without those to remember; few remain. The war goddess is one, Maiden of Death. Another has a cult deep in the dunes south of my home: the god called the Friend of Men, He who Comes in Comfort. He is the god who finds those Death has looked over, they say, and whispers in their ears words of love when nothing and no one else will." "Madness." "Yes. I suppose it is fitting that He is one of the few to still live." "It is strange, to think of gods dying." "Is it? I suppose we think of such things differently. [...] In any case, to my people, if a god is forgotten by all, they are no longer a god, but join the nameless shadows." "Perhaps that is why there is so much darkness in the world now." "Perhaps. Or they are out there, somewhere, waiting to rejoin the world when their books are restored and their shrines are unburied. Or they are the space between stars — a darkness that makes light all the more radiant."

[sapphicsoie]

73 questions

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? solid 6, i am excited to live in norway for 5 months.

describe yourself in a hashtag? #wellshitok

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? timothee chalamet if it's a film that has the vibe of cmybn, but tom holland if it's a movie that is mainstream.

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? probably something like "don't worry!"

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? people don't know that i sleep with a baby blanket named blankey who is actually not a blanket i have had since i was a baby but actually the same type of blanket i had when i was 5. this is the third blanket i have had since then, she (yes she uses she/her pronouns) is from lands end (i buy a new one whenever she turns to literal threads). i got the one i sleep with now when i was 15.

what’s your wake up ritual? i don't really have one unless i'm like at camp or have class, then i will read in bed for a bit if i can, shower, drink a tea and eat breakfast, and brush my teeth last. i also like to listen to music.

what’s your go to bed ritual? i always wash my face and either shower or have a bath, then do skincare, take out contacts, brush teeth, put on lip balm, read in bed, then sleep.

what’s your favorite time of day? i love when the sun is setting.

your go to for having a good laugh? tiktok, or sonny with a chance or kim possible compilations.

dream country to visit? iceland or new zealand

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? that my dad who is slightly homophobic is actually into kinky gay sex and is a bottom.

heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers.

vintage or new? depends, i would say new for clothes because they don't make cute vintage clothes for fat women, but i love vintage cameras and furniture

who do you want to write your obituary? my best friend katie and if i die before her, my mom.

style icon? fictional? noora amelie sætre. irl? i love zendaya's style for the most part.

what are three things you cannot live without? my phone, my antidepressants, and something to read.

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? GARLIC but also love salt and pepper. i am very white.

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? ummmm maybe like my grandma who i never met and or like isak valtersen, sana bakkoush and even bech næsheim from skam lmao.

what’s your biggest fear in life? feeling like my life is meaningless and i won't be rememebered.

window or aisle seat? used to be window, now it's aisle. i gotta pee!!

what’s your current tv obsession? haven't been watching tv AT ALL but i loved moon knight.

favorite app? tumblr or ao3 if that counts as an app, more of a website tho

secret talent? i am very flexible, and can do all three splits, and a perfect cartwheel.

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? i dated a girl in high school in a small town in the deep south

how would you define yourself in three words? determined, honest, lonely

favorite piece of clothing you own? rn it's a plain ribbed t-shirt from target

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? plain ribbed shirt and comfy high rise jeans

a superpower you would want? shape shifting

what’s inspiring you in life right now? to be transparent, i am simply existing for the most part. i do really want to graduate so i can move to nyc and try acting and not be in school for the first time in 15 years.

best piece of advice you’ve received? that it is okay to feel and show your emotions and that doesn't make you any less strong or capable.

best advice you’d give your teenage self? you won't feel this awful forever. i promise. also, don't let her hurt you over and over again. and lastly, just because you are in pain doesn't mean you have to force your anger and sadness and despair onto others, be kind.

a book everyone should read? i don't read as much as i used to, but i think a book/series that made me who i am is a series of unfortunate events by lemony snicket.

what would you like to be remembered for? i hope i'm remembered as someone who left the world better than it was in some way shape or form, even if it's trivial.

how do you define beauty? i think it depends on the person and what kind of beauty. i think there is no simple way to define beauty because it's so subjective.

what do you love most about your body? my eyes, they are a really pretty shade of blue with a gold ring around the pupil.

best way to take a rest/decompress? listen to music, read, lay in the pitch dark listening to music or city rain sounds

favorite place to view art? gonna be transparent i cannot look at art for more than like 30 seconds, so maybe a museum but i don't really view art :/

if your life was a song, what would the title be? liability by lorde.

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano, i played it growing up but stopped.

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? probably somewhere pretty hidden, maybe my ankle or the side of ribs?? idk

dolphins or koalas? koalas literally fuck dolphins

what’s your spirit animal? a platypus.

best gift you’ve ever received? probably my macbook, i use it a lot. idk i've never been given a super sentimental gift?? my friend recently gave me a really pretty drawing of me for my birthday though.

best gift you’ve given? horrible at gifts but got my dad a fancy speaker for christmas but little does he know it was 75% off.

what’s your favorite board game? don't really play them at all and never really have but i like chess

what’s your favorite color? baby pink

least favorite color? any bright colour. or like orange. or teal. i am picky.

diamond or pearls? pearls!!!

drugstore makeup or designer? mostly designer but the occasional drugstore product

blow-dry or air-dry? air-dry unless someone else is doing my hair

pilates or yoga? yoga

coffee or tea? tea, but if i need caffeine, coffee.

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? hippomonstrosesquippiedaliophobia.

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk but i'm not a huge chocolate gal

stairs or elevators? elevators

summer or winter? winter 4ever i hate sweating

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? probably something nutritious if we are being practical like salmon and quinoa but if we are being honest, steak and yorkshire pudding

a dessert you don’t like? super chocolatey stuff. or ice cream that is fruit flavoured. disgusting.

a skill you’re working on mastering?

best thing to happen to you today? the children went home and i get to drink tonight

worst thing to happen to you today? woke up at 7.30 am and had to spend time with children until they finally left at 12 pm

best compliment you’ve ever received? that i am determined and resilent.

favorite smell? christmas eve candle by yankee candle. smells like childhood.

hugs or kisses?

if you made a documentary, would it be about? a documentary about how internet culture and grooming affected girls born in the late 90's-early 2000's, like myself and so many of my friends did some crazy shit online as a kid.

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

lipstick or lipgloss? lipgloss!!

sweet or savory? savoury but i also love sweets

girl crush? zendaya, maybe margot robbie?? josefine frida pettersen is gorgeous

how do you know your in love? when you never get tired of being around them. like your social battery never runs out with them.

a song you can listen to on repeat? currently kjøre oss by marie ulven (girl in red before she was girl in red)

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? probably a rich person who lives in nyc or canada or norway

what are you most excited for about this time in your life? moving to oslo in the fall!!

tagged by @silkscream

tagging: @peterthepark @spidervee @indouloureux

[fific7]

There May Be Trouble Ahead - Part 3

John Whittaker x Reader

A/N: This does not follow canon, it’s all lemon zest 🍋 because the world deserves more of the over-eager puppy that is the handsome Johnny Whittaker. And puppies need discipline.

The song excerpt is from ‘Let’s Face the Music and Dance’ which surely must be John’s life anthem? (It wasn’t released until 1936 but there’s that fiction writer’s licence again.)

Warnings: 18+ NSFW due to sexual content including oral between consenting adults*. Some drinking.

*Irl, please don’t go wild in the country without protection.

(Not my GIF, credit to owner)

As John followed you out of his bedroom, you asked him if you might use the bathroom and he took your hand once more, guiding you along the corridor and pointing at a door. Once inside, you looked around at the huge roll-top bath and large porcelain sink. You smiled, once again it all seemed very Victorian to your (you liked to think) very modern eye.

Coming back downstairs a little later on, you heard a murmur of voices from below you and paused on the half-landing, tip-toeing to the edge and peeking cautiously over the banister rail.

John and Sarah were standing in the large lobby, and you noticed that John had his arms crossed over his chest in a very defensive stance.

You heard Sarah say in her quiet voice, “I just don’t want you to get hurt again, Johnny.” You grimaced as she said “Johnny” and the familiar way she used it. “I mean I hardly have to remind you what happened the last time you met someone and got carried away, do I? She ran off with your Father!” Your mouth rounded into an ‘O’ as you heard those explosive words. A scowl appeared on John’s face, and he snapped, “Well firstly, you did just remind me! And secondly, at least the old man’s not around this time to run off with my wife!”

“Wife!” exclaimed Sarah, “She’s an acquaintance at best! Hardly appropriate to speak of her as your wife. You met her, what - a week ago?” “Took me less time than that with Larita,” shot back John. Now it was Sarah’s turn to pull a face. “I’m just saying to take it more slowly this time, Johnny, that’s all!” John started striding away from her and you pulled back from the banister in case either of them looked up and spotted you. “Well, thank you for the advice, Sarah. You can rest assured that this time I shall be doing things with less haste and more consideration.”

Through the banister rails you watched Sarah remain standing there for a moment, crestfallen, before following after John.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

John stalked into the sitting room, heading for a cigarette box on one of the low tables and opening it. Thankfully it wasn’t empty, so he took one out, tapped it a couple of times and lit it with the ornate table lighter next to the box. He drew on it before blowing out a long plume of smoke into the air. He heard heels making their way across the large rug behind him and hoped it was his guest, turning with a smile on his face.

Seeing that it was Sarah, his smile faded and he knew she’d noticed that. But why then did she have to keep on at him like some kind of mother hen? He sighed, “What other pearls of wisdom are you here to cast before me, Sarah?”

She tried a tentative smile, “I don’t mean to nag, Johnny. You know I don’t. It’s as I said, I just don’t want you to get hurt again.” He moved over to the large windows, gazing out over the landscape, “I don’t intend to, believe me. And I don’t intend to hurt my new lady friend either,” he replied, still smoking his cigarette and speaking over his shoulder to her, “I’ve met someone I truly like and I’m not about to mess it up.”

He turned back to the window and therefore missed seeing Sarah’s lips tightening into an almost-snarl as she heard his words.

And unbeknownst to him, the ‘someone’ of whom he spoke was currently listening just outside the sitting room.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

A quiet voice behind you made you jump. “Are you lost, madam?” You swung round. Oh, it was the butler, Furber was it?

“Oh no, it’s fine thank you, Mr Furber. I’m just looking for John and I think I’ve found him now.” You pointed theatrically - and somewhat ridiculously - into the sitting room, before giving him an embarrassed smile and disappearing through the door.

You saw that Sarah was now the one adopting the defensive body language, and she and John were staring each other down in what looked like some kind of Mexican Standoff.

Okay, you thought, here I go with my ‘Absolutely Innocent of Eavesdropping’ act.

“Oh, John - there you are! I thought I’d lost you for a moment,” and you gave him a big smile. “Hello, Sarah!” you added, now looking at her and still smiling, but it was a very much smaller one than John had received from you.

John reacted as you’d hoped he would and came rushing over to you immediately, hand going to yours. “Do you want to go, darling? We can, you know.” “Perhaps we should,” you said, “we don’t want to take up the whole of everyone’s afternoon, do we?” He grinned at you, “No, we don’t, darling.”

You hid a smile, thinking that he was perhaps slightly overdoing it with the ‘darling’s’ but you’d take them all. Because you’d caught a look of absolute fury on Sarah’s face for a split-second when she’d heard the first ‘darling’ leave his lips.

That’s more like it, girl! you thought gleefully, let out all that broiling jealousy and sexual tension hiding inside that calm little head!

If she wasn’t going to be honest about her true feelings and instead mess around playing silly mind games, then that really wasn’t your problem. You’d just met John, you liked him (much to your amazement, you had to admit) and you wanted to see where things led.

It had annoyed you, quite frankly, when you’d heard her dripping words of doubt into John’s ear as if she was merely a concerned bystander, instead of being an interested party herself.

And if she was going to play dirty, then you just might have to as well.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

John was feeling immensely relieved as he drove the two of them away from Flintham Hall. His darling (which was how he found himself thinking of her now) didn’t seem to have overheard that silly squabble of his with Sarah and they’d managed to take their leave fairly easily without too many entreaties from his Mother to stay longer.

Although she did seem a little quiet on the drive back to town. He shook off the thought, she was probably just a bit overwhelmed after meeting all of them in one fell swoop. It was quite a task, he acknowledged. He knew his family could be intimidating.

Arriving back and parking outside her flat, he was overjoyed when she asked him if he’d like to come in for either more tea or a small aperitif.

It seemed that he was still in her ‘good books’.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You poured a pale sherry for each of you and handed a glass to John. He was lounging - entirely at ease - on your large cherry-red sofa, and you sat opposite him on the matching armchair. He looked slightly disappointed at that but took a sip of his sherry, saying “Mmm, that’s a nice Fino.”

You’d spent the whole journey back pondering whether to confess that you’d eavesdropped. Firstly, you felt guilty for doing so. One of your mother’s favourite sayings was ‘eavesdroppers never hear good of themselves’ if she ever caught you and your little brother listening at doors. And secondly, you didn’t want there to be any lies or omissions between you and John.

“Yes, it’s not bad,” you agreed. “Look John, I need to tell you something.” He sat bolt upright, “Oh no - you’re dumping me! Already!” he wailed. You laughed, “No, I’m not! But I do need to discuss something with you.”

He sat back again, still looking anxious, “Tell me!” he demanded. You drew in a deep breath, “I overheard your conversation with Sarah. I’m sorry!” you said quickly, “I really didn’t mean to, I was just coming downstairs… and then you were in the sitting room.” You grinned, “Furber caught me standing outside!” He also grinned, “Yes, he’s got a habit of appearing without warning! I suppose it’s the whole butler thing.” His expression sobered, “So you did hear us squabbling! And also the final scandalous fact about my ill-fated marriage.” He took another sip of sherry. “Yes, the sad fact is, my Father ran off with her. They’re living in sin and penury down in the south of France.”

“I’m sorry, John,” you said sincerely, “that must’ve been hard to bear.” He smiled at you, “It wasn’t the best. And of course Mother went absolutely mad and said it was all my fault. Which it was, of course. By that time, I’d realised that I didn’t love her but yes, it still stung.” You leaned back and looked steadily at him, “I suppose it was for the best. In an awful way. But tell me, what’s with Sarah?” He gave you a puzzled look, “What do you mean, darling?”

“Your relationship with her. Tell me about it.” He sighed, “Mother always wanted me to marry her. She saw it as the joining of two dynasties, nothing romantic about it. I think I told you we had a brother-sister thing between us? We grew up together so that’s just how it was. Then mater started putting pressure on me to get engaged to her and her parents weren’t opposed to it, so it was kind of understood between the two families that that’s what would eventually happen. But then… Larita. As I said.” Another sip of sherry. “When she left, it was obvious that everyone expected me to just pick up with Sarah again from where we left off. But she didn’t seem all that keen - wounded pride, I suppose and I don’t blame her for that - and to be brutally honest, I really wasn’t keen either.”

His dark eyes gazed over at you, “I never felt that spark with her, you know? She’s just like another sister.” You almost felt sorry for Sarah. “So it was just kind of… left on the side and no-one’s mentioned it again.” You nodded, and decided to take the plunge, “You do realise that she’s in love with you? And probably always has been?”

His face was a picture. “Umm.. what?” You nodded again, “Yes, John, believe me. Her indifferent demeanour is all an act. She wants you for herself.” You met his eyes, watching him intensely, “Does that change anything? How you feel about her? Because if it does, then I’ll just take myself off somewhere else.” He shook his head vigorously, “No! It changes nothing. Absolutely nothing.” He put his sherry glass down on the small table next to the sofa and came over to crouch down beside your chair, grasping your arm, “I’m sorry about it if that’s the case, I truly am. But it’s you I want, not Sarah.” He leant in towards you and the two of you gazed into each other’s eyes, then John’s lips softly met yours and you shared a sedate kiss.

Breaking apart, he laughed nervously, “I hope you don’t mind that I kissed you?” Shaking your head and running a finger along his jaw, you were smiling as you replied, “I don’t mind in the slightest, John.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

John was driving perhaps a little too fast along the country roads, on his way back home in the gathering dusk. He was a very happy man indeed, and he was singing at the top of his voice.

There may be trouble ahead

But while there's moonlight

And music and love and romance

Let's face the music and dance

Before the fiddlers have fled

Before they ask us to pay the bill

And while we still have the chance

Let's face the music and dance

He pulled the car to a grinding halt and leapt out of it, bounding up the steps and into the house. Furber, gliding along with a tray holding a decanter of sherry and four glasses, hid a smile and nodded at him, “Good evening, sir. Shall I bring an additional glass for you?” “Uh.. no, thanks Furber, I’m just going to my room. To.. uh.. lie down for a nap before dinner.”

Furber hid an even bigger smile. He knew the signs only too well. The Master was in love again.

John’s foot was on the first step of the staircase when Veronica’s voice cut through his pleasant thoughts. “John! Please join us!” His shoulders dropped… caught like a rat in a trap! Accepting defeat, he turned on his heel and trotted into the sitting room behind his Mother. The other three ladies were ranged around various sofas and armchairs and in the process of accepting glasses of sherry from Furber, who magically produced a fifth glass and now filled it for John. How does he do that? wondered John, does he keep supplies of spare glasses in his pockets? Hmm, maybe he does, I wouldn’t put it past him.

He took the glass and thanked Furber, settling into one of the squashy old armchairs and facing the four women who were all looking at him expectantly. He looked back at them, until eventually his Mother broke the stalemate, “Well, John? Where did you meet her? At the Art Gallery?” Marion sniggered bitchily, “As if! John’s never been inside an art gallery in his life, Mama!” Shooting her a poisonous look, John replied, “As it happens - no, Mother.” Marion snorted in triumph but John ignored her, continuing, “I nearly hit her in the head with a tennis ball.”

“Johhhhnnn!” wailed his mother, “That’s no way to impress a lady!” He sighed, “I do realise that, mater. I promise you I didn’t do it on purpose. But it was certainly very fortuitous.” He knew that he probably had a dreamy, faraway look in his eyes but he didn’t care. He noticed Sarah’s eyes on him, and he felt a sudden pang of guilt. But what can I do? he thought, the heart wants what the heart wants.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Monday was dragging by and felt very tedious. You’d begun work on a small canvas by a fairly famous local artist and as you meticulously and gently rubbed at the grime which covered it, your mind drifted to last Saturday evening.

After that first innocent kiss, John had pulled you up off the armchair and slid his arms right around you, holding you close and kissing you in an increasingly passionate fashion. So much so that you eventually had to gently shove him away, smiling and catching your breath.

Most of the (admittedly few) men you had stepped out with had been appalling kissers, all wet lips and slobbering over you in indecent haste.

John might act like an overgrown schoolboy (or puppy, take your pick) but in the kissing stakes, he was well out in front of the rest of the field. His lips had hovered at your ear and you felt little huffs of his breath against it. “Your lips, your mouth, your eyes… you’re driving me insane,” he whispered, and you’d almost fainted at the sensuality of it.

You suddenly heard your supervisor’s sharp voice, and you looked up quickly at the older woman. She was in fact a very good mentor, her bark being worse than her bite as they say. She smirked, “You’re in a world of your own today, dear! I called your name at least twice before now.” Looking more closely at you, she gave a delighted laugh, “Oh my! There’s a man involved, isn’t there?” You blushed furiously and she crowed, “I was right! I knew it. Now, tell me all about him!”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

After spending ten minutes telling your mentor all about John, you were slightly disappointed when she had a bit of a mixed reaction to the details you shared.

“My dear, he does sound very dashing,” she intoned, and you knew there was a ‘but’ coming, “but he also sounds a little bit… risqué.” You opened your mouth to jump to his defence, but she held up a hand, “I know you don’t want to hear this, but you do need to guard against making any impulsive decisions regarding him. He sounds as if he likes impulsive gestures, judging by the sound of the circumstances surrounding his marriage. And then his father running off with his wife! I mean, my dear, that is positively…” “Scandalous,” you supplied, “yes, I do realise that. But I truly believe he’s learned his lesson.”

She looked sceptical, “So you say, but please do bear in mind that he’s still probably inclined towards the impulsive, despite what he says. I’m sure your parents would never forgive me if I didn’t at least try and sound a warning shot across your bows!” You dipped your head and accepted her thoughts, “I am listening to you, honestly,” you assured her.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

John had taken to telephoning you every evening since the Saturday you’d spent together. “I just want to hear your voice,” he’d say say quietly into the phone. “It’s nice to hear yours, too,” you’d reply. When he phoned you on Tuesday evening, you could hear some excitement in his voice. “I’ve got us two stand tickets for the races on Saturday,” he said, his words tumbling over each other, “Oh say you’ll come! It’s not one of the big gold cup meetings but it’ll be so much fun!” You laughed, caught up in his excitement, “Yes, John, I’ll come.”

“Wonderful! Mater keeps telling me not to call you too much or pester you at work but I can’t help it!” “It’s fine, I don’t mind,” you said truthfully, thinking about how you now sat in your flat of an evening waiting for him to call. Not that you’d admit that to him, of course. Your feelings for John were definitely a bit like a runaway train at the moment, and you were trying to keep the brakes on but you were struggling to do so.

About half an hour after you’d hung up, your doorbell rang. Opening the door, you were less than charmed to see your neighbour Euphemia standing on your doorstep clutching a teacup. “Oh hullo,” she greeted you, “I wonder if I can borrow some sugar?” Mentally rolling your eyes, you said, “Of course, step in for a moment.” You took the cup from her and she trailed along your hall after you, following you to the kitchen. You knew exactly why she was here and as you poured out some sugar for her, she said, trying to sound casual, “So you have a new young man, then?”

Your back was to her so you smirked to yourself. “Yes, Euphemia, I do,” you said lightly. “Mmm,” she grunted, “What’s his name, then?” “John.” “John what?” Now she was beginning to annoy rather than amuse you, “John No-one-You’ll-Ever-Have-Heard-Of,” you said sarcastically, handing her the cup of sugar. “There you go, Euphemia! Now, so sorry, I’m right in the middle of something.” In other words, sling your hook. She had a very dissatisfied look on her face as she hadn’t been able to get all the information she wanted out of you. Just then, there was another knock at the door so you headed to it, Euphemia on your heels again. God, that woman!

Upon opening the door this time, you were delighted to see a much more welcome face. John was standing there, a very large bouquet of peonies in his hand. He gave you a big smile then immediately leaned in for a kiss, but pulled back suddenly mid-kiss when his eyes met Euphemia’s over your shoulder. “Oh!” he exclaimed, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise you had company.” You looked over your shoulder, saying, “Euphemia was just leaving, weren’t you Euphemia?” you said with a hint of menace in your voice. “Um… yes,” she nodded, “nicer to meet you, Mr… ?” You grabbed John’s arm and squeezed hard, “Bye, Euphemia!” She sulkily brushed past you and John and made her way down your steps.

You dragged John inside and quickly closed the door. “That woman!” you hissed, “She’s just been in here to ‘borrow a cup of sugar’ …in other words, trying to sniff out information about you!” John laughed, “Ah, now I understand! Here, darling… these are for you.” He handed you the bouquet, you exclaiming how pretty they were and beginning to look for a vase. “I remembered you said that peonies were your favourites,” he announced proudly. You were impressed! You two had passed a florists on the evening of your first date and you’d remarked how much you loved the big blowsy pink flowers.

“Anyhow, she’s not very pleased,” you said conversationally as you busied yourself arranging the flowers, “she didn’t get any information out of me at all apart from your first name.” You looked up at him, holding one of the blooms in your hand, “And as much as I’m pleased to see you and these beautiful flowers… what on earth are you doing here, John?”

You saw his face pink up, “I hope you won’t be annoyed but I couldn’t wait until Saturday to see you.” Your stomach filled with butterflies and you put down the peony, going over to where he stood and hugging him, before kissing his cheek. “You’re such a sweet boy,” you smiled at him. You felt his his shoulders relax. “Marion told me you’d get really fed up with me.”

You ghosted a kiss over his lips, “Oh, poor Marion… she’s not a happy bunny, is she?” John smiled a little sadly, “Disappointed in love. Her intended had no intention of marrying her and took off travelling.” “Oh, what a shame,” you sympathised. “It’s given her a slightly skewed view of life,” John shrugged, “she unfortunately tends to revel in other people’s embarrassing situations.”

He leant back from you, your arms still round him, “You’re not fed up with me, are you?” You smiled, “Not yet.” He landed a small kiss on your lips, “I’m pleased to hear that.” “Have you eaten?” “No… I had the sudden impulse to come haring over here to see you.” You stroked his cheek, “Then have a seat,” you waved towards your kitchen table, “and I’ll make you something.”

Your mentor’s words echoed in your head as you went to the pantry and took out some food items for John. “…he’s still probably inclined towards the impulsive…”

You felt a little soupçon of worry. It seems like she had possibly hit the nail right on the head.

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@paracosmenthusiast

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[firefly464]

The Real World - Chapter 12

Alright chapter 12 lets goooo. Another slightly slower chapter, but I promise that its gonna be picking up real soon. Also Pami wrote the irl bit because shes the coolest and I love her :D

Made in collaboration with @i-have-this-now​ Thank you to @rivys​ for beta reading and editing!

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~~~

Dream stared at his friend, confusion and worry filling his mind. The teenager had been staring into space for the past minute or so, not responding to either him or Tubbo. Dream hadn’t been too concerned, until he noticed that Tommy was crying.Tears were streaking down Tommy’s face, forging a path on his cheeks. His expression was filled with a mixture of hope and fear, his eyes glazed over, like he was listening to something that no one else could hear. 

“Tommy? Hellooo? You ok?” Dream asked, waving a hand in front of his face. No response. He glanced over at Tubbo, trying to see if he had any ideas. Instead, when Dream made eye contact with him, Tubbo flinched and sank back into his seat, as if trying to disappear. Right. Of course Tubbo was scared of him. Everyone was scared of him. 

“You know I’m not going to hurt you, right?” He asked, trying to lighten the mood.

The younger brunette stared at him in fear, unsure of how he was supposed to respond. If Dream had said those same words to him a month ago, he would have ran, no questions asked. Now though, he wasn’t sure. He didn’t know this man, had no idea what he was like. All he had to go off of was what Tommy had said. 

His eyes darted over towards his spaced out friend. “What did you do to him?” He asked, struggling to keep the tremor out of his voice. He had only stood up to Dream once, and it had resulted in him nearly losing his arm. Slowly, as to not draw attention to himself, he moved his hand to the hilt of his sword. If this went south, then he sure as hell needed to be ready to defend himself. 

“Nothing! I didn’t do anything, I promise” Dream dropped the bow and put his hands up in an attempt to show he meant no harm. He understood why Tubbo was so scared of him, but that didn’t change the fact that it stung. How could it not? Someone who he had thought of as a friend was now trembling before him in fear. 

“Look, I don’t know what you’re playing at, but if you hurt Tommy in any way I will not hesitate to run you through.” Tubbo’s voice shook with fear, despite his best attempts at keeping it steady. 

Seeing the young teenager like this, Dream couldn’t help but be filled with pity and sadness. He was only 16, still just a kid. He should have been worried about homework, or some other small problem. He shouldn’t be stressing over whether or not he was going to live through the day, or who was going to try and hurt him next. It just wasn’t right.

Dream nodded, his hands still raised.“I promise, Tubbo, I didn’t do anything, and I don’t plan on hurting either of you.”

“Tubbo…” A soft voice startled them both. Tommy was now staring at the fallen bow, the tears freely flowing. 

Tubbo’s attention was instantly drawn to his best friend, his eyes filled with overwhelming concern. “Hey man, you ok?” 

Tommy looked up at his friend. A pang of homesickness shot through him. Everything about the boy next to him felt… wrong. He knew that it was still Tubbo, but that didn’t change the fact that it didn’t seem right. He was too tense, too nervous. It was as if at any moment, he could be attacked. It was so different from the laid back attitude of his Tubbo. The one that got excited over the smallest things. The one who casually went around killing people in game for no real reason. Tommy couldn’t help but miss the energetic and fun loving Tubbo from his own world. Still, he was still his friend. 

Without hesitation, Tommy reached over to give his friend a hug. The tears continued to flow as the words of the message replayed in his mind. ‘I swear, we’re gonna figure something out and get you guys out of there. I promise.’ It wasn’t much to go off of, but goddammit what did he have to lose? 

Tubbo couldn’t help but flinch at the sudden hug. “Hey, is everything alright?” 

“Sorry, sorry” Tommy quickly said, backing up and giving his friend space. He frantically wiped the tears off his face and tried to compose himself. “Yeah, I’m good.” “What the hell was that? You just zoned out, are you sure you’re ok?” Dream asked. 

“I uh, I think I just got a message from Tubbo. Our Tubbo,” he made sure to clarify. “Apparently he’s been working with Wilbur and the other Tommy to try and bring us home…” 

Dream felt his jaw drop. “Wait, really?! You’re kidding!” 

“I swear to you that I am not joking. Trust me, I want to go home as much as you do.”

“How?! What did he say? What do we do?” 

“There’s- There’s a console. Apparently it's like the server console back home, but it's an actual physical computer here. According to Tubbo it has the ability to do some really weird shit.” 

“Like run regular commands?” 

“Yeah, pretty much. Damn, imagine what kinda fucked up shit you could do with that kinda thing…” 

“Uh huh, imagine what kind of fucked up shit this other Dream already did with that thing.” 

“Fuck, you’re right.” 

“So how exactly does this help us get home?” 

“Right, right. I guess that the other Dream figured out how to swap people’s souls across dimensions or something with it.”

Dream’s face lit up as he made the connection. “We could do it too! We could use the command to swap us back and put everything back to normal!” A rush of excitement filled him. Finally, finally they had some direction. They actually had a goal, something to work towards. They had hope. “Where is it? Where can we find it?” 

“See, that's the problem. Actually, there's two problems. One, we don’t know the command. Tubbo was thinking if we could make it to the console, we might be able to communicate with them and figure something out.”

“Wait, what? How would that even work?” 

Tommy shrugged. “I’m not sure. I’m honestly just hoping that Tubbo knows what he’s doing.”

“Riiight. So what's the other problem?” 

Tommy took a deep breath and tried to find something, anything else to look at. He didn’t want to look Dream or Tubbo in the eyes when he told them the truth. Eventually, his eyes rested on the white, porcelain mask that hung on the wall. The simple smile seemed to bore into his very soul, taunting him in a way. He looked away. “The computer is super far away. Apparently it takes a couple days to reach on foot.” 

“Ok? And?” 

“According to the other Tommy, the other Dream is going to delete the server in a little less than 48 hours, which would most likely result in every single one of us dying a very painful death.” 

Dream let out a low whistle. “Right. So you’re telling me that we have to go and find this super powerful computer that's really far away, try to come up with a plan, and figure out what the right command is within the next 48 hours, or the world will be deleted and we all die.” 

“Yeah pretty much.” 

“Right. Ok, no pressure.” he ran a hand through his hair, already trying to figure out what the best course of action was. “Where exactly is the console?” 

“He said it’s in this room made out of bedrock in the middle of a dark forest, almost directly east of us.”

Dream nodded. “Got it. Tommy, go let George know what's going on. See if he wants to join us. It’d probably be smart to have someone who actually knows what they’re doing with us. I’m going to get together some supplies.” 

“Got it. Tubbo, do you wanna come with us?” Tommy asked, startling the brunette. 

He had been deep in thought, trying to keep up with the conversation. He was confused, but he also didn’t want to ask any questions and risk angering Dream. He shook his head. “I’m good. You guys uh, you’ll need someone to cover for you, right? I can tell Wilbur what's going on…” He was lying, of course. He just didn’t want to spend any more time around Dream. Sure, Tommy trusted him, but that didn’t change the fact that just looking at the man brought back painful memories. 

“Ok, that's probably smart. Make sure he knows that the other Tommy is safe, ok? He’s going to be coming home soon.” 

A slight smile crossed Tubbo’s face. “Alright. I can do that. I’ll uh, I’ll see you guys later then.” He rushed out of the base, running towards L’manberg. 

Dream and Tommy were silent, neither of them mentioning the obvious. If all went according to plan, then they would never see this version of Tubbo again. 

~~~

“Florida?!” Tubbo cried, flabbergasted. “We’re going to Florida? That’s like a 9 hour flight!” All this SMP stuff was making his head spin. First, it was just Tommy and Dream’s disappearance, then it escalated to something much, much worse. His friends’ lives were at stake if they didn’t do anything. He honestly didn’t want to believe Tommy, but something told him that what he’s saying is true.

“Look, I’m used to taking on my problems in person. I can’t just sit in front of this thing- whatever weird gadget this is- and do nothing! We have to go there!” Tommy explained.

“Tommy, what will you tell everyone else? What will you tell your parents? You can’t just prance up to them and go ‘hello dearest parents! As it turns out, I’m not your son, but I’m him from another dimension! Y’know how he plays that video game? It’s that dimension! Anyways, I’m off to Florida to go do a murder! I’ll be home before dinner!’ How do you think that’s gonna go down?” Wilbur said.

“Will, I know what I’m doing! This psychopath is gonna try to kill my friends. I need to save them.” Tommy told them desperately. “If we reach him, we can get to his computer and I can go home!”

“We don’t even know where he lives, Tommy!” Wilbur retaliated. 

“Well, I might.” Tubbo said, nonchalantly.

Wilbur blinked. “You what? You’re not going to hack him, Tubbo-” 

“He isn’t our Dream, Will. This is probably the only chance we have to do this! Lives are at stake!”

“But there’s laws--” Wilbur sighed, pulling on his face in resignation. He still had trouble believing in this. Dimension travel? Souls? A few days ago he’d say they never existed. But, now… “Okay, fine. I can get us three to Florida. Earliest flight I can get us will be at about five-in-the-morning. We find Dream and we…” Wilbur trailed off.

“Kill him.” Tommy gritted out.

“NO!” Wilbur and Tubbo shouted.

“Tommy, we are not going to kill him. We need our Dream and Tommy to come back and send both of you back. If you kill him-” Wilbur explained.

“Okay, fine,” Tommy sighed, cutting off whatever it was Wilbur was about to say. “We won’t kill him. We just need to hold him long enough for him to tell us the command.”

“And what if he refuses to tell us?” 

“Then we make him tell us.” 

~~~

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[dystopian-penguin]

Is this a real life story? Is this a fic concept? Who knows 🤷

But here’s a very long account of... something.

This isn't a gay disaster story. It's a gay sad ending story. It's a gay "self-homophobia is very real and realistic” story, and not in the "gay panic is kinda cute" way.

It all started 14 years ago (yes that long), when I was still deeply in the HP fandom and even more deep into reading James/Lilly fics in ff.net all day long. For the first time in my entire life I decided to sort by “all works” and not just “completed”. I know it might sound super silly, and even a bit cliche considering this is tumblr and we live and breath fics, but that single decision literally changed the course of my life. And unlike what I usually do, I am not exaggerating. I found this one fic that must have had, like, 20 chapters and almost 100k words and dived into it without looking for rocks in the bottom. Long story short: the last posted chapter ended on a huuuuuge cliffhanger, like the very next moment after the kiss, and it left me completely destroyed.

So I did what I always do, what I am known on tumblr and my small social circle in here to do: I went to scream at the author.

But I wasn’t content to just scream in the comment section, oh no. For all I knew the bitch wouldn’t even see it, the last update had been from like 8 months previously. So I stalked her ff.net profile and found her MSN email. Yes, the story is THAT old.

My literal first words to her must have been something akin to “OH MY GOD I HATE YOU SO MUCH”, which yay for the beautiful poetic irony that the universe crafts at times. She took it in stride because, let’s face it, a shitton of people had already greeted her like that by then. And we started talking, and it was easy and fun. We had a lot in common, more or less the same type of interests, the usual you’d expect if I had met her on tumblr even. We must have talked like 3 hours straight on that first day, and I left feeling pretty good cause I had made a new friend. Not only that, but right off the bat I admired her so much. Not only because she was talented as fuck (imagine writing a 100k unfinished fic at only 15 y/o), but also because the more I talked to her the more I could see just how fucking cultured she was and how intelligent and ect. She came from a wealthy family and such a different reality from me. She had been abroad, in fact she usually travelled abroad with her family like twice a year, she was fluent in english even then (at that point I was I intermediate at best), not to mention german because her family was german. She was 15 (a year older than me back then) and trilingual and could write wonderfully and I was fascinated by her instantly.

Something else worth of note was that her profile pic on the day we met had been set to a close-up of a blue eye. I must have asked on that very same day whose eye was that because damn if it hasn’t been the prettiest blue I’ve ever seen. I mean, I hadn’t told her that, but I was curious enough to ask. And as everyone and their grandmother might have guessed by now, it was hers.

Somehow (and I truly don’t know HOW), we got into the habit of talking every day, or at least very close to it. I got to know about her daily life, just one state south from where I live and sooooo much colder than what I had ever experienced. She went to a swiss school, fully bilingual, was the first in her year in the IB program which for the love of crap I didn’t even know it existed back then. Might not ever have known if I never met her. Eventually we exchanged phone numbers, and back then SMS messages were like 1,50 bucks for inter-state ones. Our mothers were not happy.

Around a year and a half went by this way. She became my best friend, my rock. We both had a shitton of problems in your high school lives and in our family lives, and we were so relieved to know there was someone out there we could share those with. In the meantime she ended up breaking up with her boyfriend, ironically just a few months before I had my very first kiss. When she broke up with her boyfriend she was absolutely devastated (they had been together almost a year or so), and relied on me a lot back then. Which I was more than happy to support because for the first time in my life I felt like I belonged somewhere. I felt like I was actually part of someone’s life. I didn’t feel like I ever bothered her, like I was ever intruding in her life. I felt like I was truly part of her world, like she actually remembered my existence when I was not around, and at now-16 years of age that had literally been the first time I had felt that. I never had a true friend before her. Not sure I ever did after her either.

On easter 2008 we finally convinced our moms to let us meet. Her family had a whole goddamn country house with a huge plot of land, so it was decided I was gonna visit her first. So I got semi-sedated and got into my first plane ride EVER, and for those of you that are reading this and know me (although I doubt anyone is reading at all), you know how terrified of planes I am. You know how BIG of a gesture it is for me to get into a fucking plane for the first time in my life for a person.

I already knew she was pretty. I mean, we had talked on the webcam a couple of times before (just a few times because the internet back then was really terrible). The blue eyes I mentioned, and the most fucking beautiful silky blonde hair you’ve ever seen. But when I saw her the first time on that airport it still took my breath away. Even more, what truly surprised me, was the huge smile she gave as soon as she saw me out of the gate and she rushed to hug me. I was paralyzed. I mean yes I was happy and hugged her back, which was a huge deal because back then I was not touchy feely at all (and she was VERY). But I was paralyzed. Because I had never in my entire 16 years of age seen anyone smile that big or that brightly at seeing me. Hell, I suppose I had never seen anyone smile that brightly at all. As the day progressed she was so legit happy that I was there, and I could never fully wrap my head around it. We drove to her house and her mom took the long way just so they could show me all the interesting spots in her city, and she shared tidbits of her daily life that I still didn’t know, despite us being so close, because those are the things you only learn by actually being next to the person irl. Later on she introduced me to her two best friends in school, and we all decided to watch a horror movie.

Yes, it’s THAT cliche.

Now, you see, I’m absolutely fucking impervious to horror movies. Yes I get jumpscared just as much as anyone else, but I don’t get scared. So I was sitting there a bit lowkey bored, narrating the entire plot of the movie and what would happen a few scenes before it did because the movie was just that easy to guess. And she had taken complete ownership of my left arm the entire time, being half super scared and half impressed I could guess every single thing on the plot. Later on she apologized for not letting go of my arm because she knew I wasn’t as touchy feely as she was, and I was once again taken aback because I come from a ridiculously touchy-feely country and NO ONE ever apologizes for it or respects my boundaries on it.

The next day we wake up bright and early to go to her ranch-thingy. She slept on top of me on the car almost all the way there. I must have woken up like a whole hour before her but didn’t move at all.

I’m a city slick. I’m a huge city slick, through and through. Which means I am both fascinated and absolutely terrified on any plot of grass bigger than a garden. And her country house was fucking amazing. I had only experienced the true freedom of being in nature a few times in my life, and she made sure to show me every nook and crane of the forest surrounding it. Because yes it was a forest and not a jungle like where I lived, and that made it all the more magical.

But the truly one magical thing in the entire 4-days weekend was the stars. You see, I am absolutely in love with the stars. It’s stupid to say something like this when I was retelling the greatest love story of my life, but the stars are my one true love. I got my first telescope when I was five years old. My mother cannot for the life of her explain where I got this obsession from. She always said I was already born that way. So I find myself for the first time in my life with the least amount of light pollution I’ve ever been subject to in my entire life (even nowadays). For the first time in my life I has actually been able to see the Milky Way with my own two eyes. And what made everything even more impressive was that it was a full moon, and the night sky still looked as incredible as it’s supposed to look. Honestly it might have been a great contender to the beauty of her blue eyes.

The moment I remember the most is us laying down on some beach towels (no idea why they had those in the countryside), stargazing for hours at end. By then we were two full states to the south of mine, so I believe the technical definition of what I was feeling is fucking freezing my inexistent balls off. I had gotten dressed in just some jeans and a tshirt way before the sun set, and I was dammed if I was gonna interrupt our stargazing to go put on some decent clothes. I remember her asking a few times if I was cold, and I also remember myself lying through my teeth saying I had gotten used to it by then. Blatant lies, my nipples could cut through fucking glass at the moment. But I wasn’t gonna interrupt it because it was just the two of us on a grassy clearing, her family was at least 200m away and we couldn't even hear them anymore and it was just us and the stars and her hands were so close to mine that I could feel the heat (the only source of it for my beach-town ass I suppose). It was the perfect fucking moment. The moment most people dream of having their entire lives. I have no idea how long we stayed there, but it was a few hours for sure. Her mom had to call us back inside, and nothing broke my heart more. We talked about anything and everything. I told her what I knew of astronomy and I could see for the first time I was fascinating her with knowledge. Because I had always felt and will always feel like a peasant in the presence of a princess when it comes to her. With how cultured and educated and just fucking smart she always had been. But as I told her of the constellations (sometimes grabbing her hand to point to the stars and make her spot them better), and proclaimed my love for the night sky, she listened. She listened and I had never felt heard before in my life. She listened and I felt I had managed to make her fall in love with the stars a little bit by just talking about them.

She listened and I felt I had managed to make myself fall in love in her a little bit by just seeing the way she looked at me as I talked.

All good things come to an end and time had come for me to go back home. I will never forget how she hugged me goodbye on that same airport. Where I had seen the brightest smile on my life and now I could see she was holding back tears for me. Because I was leaving. I was important enough in someone’s life that they were about to cry because I wasn’t going to be around anymore. She way she whispered “I’m gonna miss you so much” on my ear, on such a low note I am sure it was just so her mother wouldn’t hear her, and her voice will haunt me for the rest of my life. She told me a few days later that she did cry on her way to school that morning.

After this it was near impossible to not be with her at all times. We texted constantly, and used to talk like 2 whole hours on the phone before bed. Once again I must remind you this was 2008 so it was no cheap business. Her mother started to try to separate us a bit, insisting she didn’t contact me as much, even tho I was sure the one who could not afford those phone bills, not her. It all culminated on what was ironically (or perhaps planned by her mother?) brazilian Valentine’s day (we are the only country in the world that celebrates in on St. Anthony’s day, which is June 12th). It was the first day in almost two years we didn’t talk at all, because of how much her mother had nagged her about it. The next day we talked as if we had been separated by a war for a decade.

I’m gonna take a break here to let everyone know that no, I did not think I was in love with her back then. I don’t think she knew either, but it’s hard to tell.

Her mother planned her entire july winter break to the minute just so she could spend the least amount of time in my house as possible. We got 5 days instead of the previous 4. But her mother came up with a ridiculous amount of trips for the family. She visit 3 different countries (and a whole different state inside her own country) within 30 fucking days. That’s how bad it had gotten then. Our SMSs had to be cut down to just two or three a day because of it.

But it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because when she arrived at my house (her family had insisted in meeting mine before letting her stay) I was able to see from three floors up how brightly she had smiled at seeing me again.

I’ll make this part short: we stayed cooped inside blankets the entire time, playing on my PS2. It was so ridiculous that my mom, maaaany years later, told me she usually left the house for hours at time just to give us an opportunity of finally doing something about our very obvious feelings. Unlike the trip we took to her ranch, this one was filled with 3am deep existencial talks. And unlike the other trip, we spent the whole time sleeping on the same bed. Not a whole lot happened other than us dancing around the obvious feelings and how to deal with being so close to each other.

Nothing beside the very last morning together. I remember always waking up after her, because that’s just how we were. I remember she was already up, reading this book in fucking german of all things. It had been the first day of the entire week we had a meager ray of sunshine. And the way my window and ourselves were positioned, the sun was shinning directly on her. I woke up to the vision of an angel. I had never seen hair in such a warm bright color. I had never seen eyes that were the living embodiment of a spring afternoon sky. I woke up and her propped up on a couple of pillows, reading under the weak morning sun was the first thing I saw. It was the first thing I saw and I could swear I was still dreaming.

Because for the first time in all this, I could not contain and muffle the voice inside my head that was screaming: I want to wake up next to this every single day for the rest of my life.

It was the last time I woke up next to her for the rest of my life.

To my credit I did shake off my daze from the sight quite fast. I had gotten so good to drowning out these feelings that I was great at putting my poker face back up. We talked, we had breakfast, we let ourselves feel a bit sad about her leaving.

Then, just about half an hour before we actually had to go shower to take her to the station, it happened. The one moment that made me feel confident this all wasn’t just in my head. It all wasn’t just wishful thinking of a lonely pathetic girl who got way too bullied in high school.

We were having an impromptu pillow fight cause why not. That’s how girls who are secretly in love handle their feelings after all. It’s universal I think. And, well, on the overall 9 days we spent together irl I never actually beat her once because I’m just that much of a noddle. But this one fight we were both in bed, with weak footing and etc. You can see where this is going.

So on a scene to rival any anime, or that one gif of girls playing handball that fall on top of each other, she fell on top of me. Well, did she fall? I don’t know. For all I know, she planned.

And we had the moment. The gaze. Those few indescribable seconds of your life that you’re always gonna remember like yesterday, no matter how old you get. She had each of my hands pinned to the side of my head, and at first I thought we were still fighting so I just struggled and laughed and was saying stuff like “get off me ya psycho!”. But then I looked up. I looked up and.

And then I felt it. I felt everything her eyes were telling me. She wasn’t playing with me anymore. She was staring at me as if she already knew it was going to be the last time. She was staring at me as if it was a love story because it was. She was staring at me as if her entire existence, as if the whole oxygen on the earth itself depending on my presence.

She was staring at me like I has never been looked at before, or since. Even with a 3-years long relationship I had muuuch later on. No one had never, or will ever, look at me the way she looked at me.

And I froze. I froze because I had no idea what else to do. I froze because inside my head back then this was still wrong. Girls should not kiss. Girls should never kiss.

It was wrong.

It was so wrong, but nothing, not a single piece of bigot ramble ever uttered in history would make me feel more scared than losing my best friend. Nothing in the world scared me more than losing her.

Could I cross this boundary? Did she want to? Or was it just a spur on the moment thing?

But then she stared at my lips and I could not help but lick my own. Out of instinct, out of craving, out of love.

To the risk of getting an angry mob to my house right now, no, we did not kiss.

In fact, I dont quite remember the next few seconds at all. It had been single the most intense moment in my life at this point. It is still one of the most intense moments I’ve ever experienced. I completely blanked out of how I actually got pulled out of it and back into the land of living. Next thing I know we are sitting on opposite sides of the bed, trying to move away from the awkwardness. We did manage, in a couple of minutes. and things went back to normal between us.

But things would never be back to normal within me.

I’m gonna take a pause here to point out I’m bisexual. So like every bisexual, I am a very confused person. Cause you see, the moment you figure out you're bisexual it’s so much more confusing than figuring out you're fully homosexual. Because in the moment, things don’t just click. Things dont just start to magically make sense. I was 16 and I had absolutely liked guys before. Was it with this intensity? No because I was fucking 16. She was the first person I was been truly in love with. But I know it in my soul that if she was a dude I would love her with the exact same intensity. This particular discourse took me another three years to solve, but I digress.

And then she left.

She left and, like I said, her mother had programed her entire july milimetrically so we could be as far apart as possible. She left my house straight back to her ranch, not even her own house, And they have no internet there, so no MSN. Just a single 30-minutes phone call a day, for the 4 days after we had spent the entire week cooped up in bed inside blankets and playing lame-ass RPGs. And then right after that she left for germany for two full weeks. But before that particular trip, she did manage to get home. She got home to a letter of her grandma that read...

Well to be honest I cannot tell you what it read exactly. Because she was extremely vague about it when telling me. But it was enough to destroy her. It was enough to make her think that her grandma would not want anything to do with her anymore and it was based off somewhat new events. It doesn’t take a fucking genius to figure out the full contents of the letter. Her family is from the brazilian Bible Belt. But back then, at 16, confused as fuck, and already preemptively heartbroken, I legit had no idea what it said. She was vague and I didn’t want to pry. I just wanted to make her stop crying. I just wanted to put that beautiful smile back in her face but on that day I could feel her slipping away for the first time.

The rest of the story takes place in just a bit under two months. Maybe 6 weeks at most.

She goes to germany and finds a boyfriend, as one does. She leeches on this boy like a lifeline, but never stops texting me our 3 international texts we were allowed daily. In fact, the first thing she did after kissing him was pulling off her phone as texting me.

You can imagine how well this guy takes it.

Now, she goes back to brasil and this guy actually lives somewhat close to her. It’s a doable relationship. Once they both have access to internet and MSN again, and she is fast to introduce us, so happy that both of the most important people in her life are meeting. Even tho they had been together for like 3 weeks at this point.

I’m ok with it because, well, I still hadn’t figured myself out. I know no one will believe this, but I honestly did not feel jealousy. In fact, it was almost relief. Relief that I would not need to look into my feelings any further than I had back in july. I was happy for her. She seemed genuinely happy with this guy, and so was I.

And then Independence Day weekend comes and hell starts to... well, not break loose, but certainly get weaker on the seams. In here Independence Day is on September 7th, but both on my city and hers there's a city holiday on the 8th. On that year it ended up getting us a 4-day weekend again, and obviously I thought I was the one who was gonna be invited to visit her. I has been counting on it, planning for it.

Two weeks or so before that she informs me that she wants to invite her boyfriend over instead of it, which is like. Ok. Fair. But for the first time in this entire story I felt jealousy. Because that ranch, those stars, that sky... it was our place. I did not wanna share those experiences I had with her with anyone else. But I kept quiet of course, because how could I not? I tell her “yeah it’s a bit upsetting because I was hopping we could see each other, but I am genuinely happy you get to spend time with him!”

She ghosts me in that week.

To this day, 12 years and 2 months later, I do not know why. I do not know how. I know her grandma called again when she learned the boyfriend was gonna come over and not me, but that’s all.

She ghosted me before ghosting was even a thing. So I had no other social parameter to deal with the situation. I will never forget the absolutely heart wrenching pain I felt when I figured out she had blocked me on MSN. It’s indescribable.

It’s indescribable because she was the first person I felt like actually gave a flying fuck if I lived of died, if I was happy or if I cried. And she had up and decided to fucking cut me out her life without a single fucking word of explanation. One night everything was fine, we even had a group chat with her boyfriend. The next day she is gone forever. I don’t know, nor I think I will ever learn what triggered it. What was the last fucking draw, the last fucking prejudiced word directed at her that made her do it.

My world had been full of color, full of life, and even if literally everyone around me in real life would be so much happier if I didn’t exist (back then I DID NOT get along with my mother), she had seemed this entire time to be so much happier with me around. She was the one person who liked my existence. And literally overnight, I wake up and my world is empty. My world is empty and my air is missing and I don’t fucking know why.

It’s been 12 years and I still don’t know why.

Her boyfriend harassed me a bit back on orkut. Like, I have no idea why. It was unprompted. But it does give you a big fucking clue does it now?

I haven’t gotten a single word from her ever again. I know she’s alive, that’s not the fucking point of the story. I know because I tried to contact her again through every fucking means possible. I even sent her a letter of all things for fuck’s sake. When facebook came along I found her there too and sent her a message. Once 3 years after the fact, and then again 6 years after the fact. That was the last time I tried contacting her.

I cannot say I was “faithful”, so to speak. I cannot say she has been the only thing in my mind. I cannot say that I have not loved again, because I have. I had a serious 3-year relationship, as I mentioned. I had actual gay disasters stories in between. She has not remained the foremost thing in my mind. She has not remained my one true love. There were times where I spent months without thinking about her. Even silly crushes are enough to stray my thoughts away, to stray my heart away

But what worth are those times if I always go back to thinking of her as soon as I see myself without someone? What worth are those times where she is not in my mind, if she had never left my heart to begin with?

What worth is forgetting about her at times when she is my default setting?

I know what you're thinking. “you’re not in love with her, you’re in love with the idea of what could have been”. And you’re absolutely right. I know you are. I’m fully aware of it, of the implications of it, not only on my love life but my mental health.

But she has been the single most influential person in my life. She was the one that got me to writing. She was the one who made face my mother and have The Talk we needed for fucking 16 years about who my father was. Fuck, she is the sole responsible for setting my life on that path, and all the domino effect of events that happened because of the decision of talking to my mother about it. She was the one that made me figure out I was bisexual. Not a lesbian, definitively not straight, but not gay either. Bisexual, out and proud.

She was my first love.

She was my first love and she is the one that makes me give some credit to the saying “at the end of your life you will see you’ve fallen in love with the same person over and over again”.

She was my first love and she makes me go fucking crazy enough to give the whole “soulmates” concept a decent thought, because this cannot have been natural. Loneliness cannot explain the entire thing. It cannot explain how ridiculously drawn I was to her right away. Attraction doesn’t explain it either. It cannot explain how insanely synced up I’ve always felt to her. How insanely connected.

I’m not gonna lie, I loved my ex. Truly and deeply. They were the only person to ever treat me respect, and I felt almost as connected to them as I did to her. Almost.

If we are getting technical, I felt, like, 95% synced up with them. Which is more than the vast majority of humankind can only dream of feeling.

But it was not 100%.

There has only been one person in my life that I have felt 100% connected with. One person in my life I have not been able to shake away, have not been able to get over. Oh I have moved on. I have moved on and moved back in and then moved on again. Many times, over and over.

But I have not gotten over you. I will never get over you. What happened. How it ended. You were my biggest heartbreak. You were my biggest love story, and I didn’t even get to live it.

You make me so illogical that I sincerely hope there is a next life out there. One we can meet, sit down, and talk.

I’m sure you are a completely different person right now. I am a completely different person too. And it is insane, it is illogical, and it is immature to think that these two completely different people would still have any vestige of a thing in common like we did as kids. Because we were kids. We were kids and now we are both adults, and have a single damn thing changed?

A whole fuckton of them changed. Seasons changed. Years changed. The entire fucking world changed. I have changed more than you can possible imagine a person would in 12 years.

But you being the default setting of my heart has not changed. No matter how “unfaithful” I’ve been to you. No matter how much I will keep on living not being attached to you. No matter how much I know at some point I will forget you, forget this feeling, and bask into the pleasure of a new love. No matter how much at some point I will surely think “wow, what a crazy bitch I was back then, with all these feelings for a random girl who certainly doesn’t even remember I exist”.

And that’s one of my biggest fears you see. Cause for me you are half the fucking book. For me you’re the constant element that comes back when sea is calm and things are ok.

And I fear that to you I was nothing more than a line, maybe a throwaway paragraph in your life.

[omegawolverine]

Kenny or craig? (You said you wanted to talk about more southpark characters so! Please do!!)

HI THANK YOU IM DOING BOTH BC THEYRE IN MY TOP 5 CHARACTERS IM SORRY IF YOU DONT WANT BOTH BUT YOURE GETTING THEM <3 SORRY ITS SO MUCH STUFF AHHH

Kenny

How I feel about this character

dumb baby i miss him so much...literally love him with all my heart

All the people I ship romantically with this character

crenny is my otp for this fandom but basically any kenny ships i think are fun with exception of problematic ships obvs lol

have a soft spot for bunny, k2 and stenny tho :>

My non-romantic OTP for this character

dont look at me but i think about goths + kenny So Much. So Fucking Much. also kenny/bebe

My unpopular opinion about this character

wow okay hot take? maybe not anymore but it definetly was when i was in the south park fandom around 2017-2018 lol

tw: mentioned csa/hypersexuality ig? like not anything explicit just pointing out some stuff that kenny does that seem possibly csa trauma related even tho it's most likely just south park being south park

branding kenny as a whore is kinda fuckn weird even if it technically aligns with canon!! like ig it's not that deep since like its fucking south park but it just icks me out so bad bc like. all of the stuff in canon that makes him out to be a whore seems like stuff that comes from trauma bc literally no other character his age acts like that. and as someone who is hypersexual and used to be that age while being hypersexual I did similar stuff so just seeing people age him up and then call him a whore is so fucking icky it makes me feel fuckn ick. also he's a child why is calling him a whore something the fandom does anyways even if it aligns with canon like ⁉️

I dont wanna go hard for the show or matt and trey bc, again, its south park, it's not that deep, there is a difference between the show using that stuff as a bit since it's like satire and the fans taking it and making it into one of his Actual Character Traits but it's still like even then when I see it in the show I just ugh i dont like it it's just uncomfy n icky

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

CAN WE JUST GET HIM BACK IN MAIN PLOT LIKE MAKE HIM ACTUALLY APART OF HIS OWN FUCKING FRIEND GROUP AGAIN LIKE IK HE DOESNT REALLY SAY ANYTHING WE CAN UNDERSTAND BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE I JUST HAVENT HEARD HIM IN SEASONS???

Craig

How I feel about this character

omg wow it's me would yall look at that 🤠

no but actually one of my kins, very epic poggers cool of me to be this man irl /hj

All the people I ship romantically with this character

crenny obvs, creek is okay annnnd I have a soft spot for cryde :] iz best friend shit

My non-romantic OTP for this character

I like the idea of platonic creek so much more than romantic creek at this point, once again, cryde, alsoooo craig/wendy lives in my mind rent free even with their negative 100 interactions. I just think theyre neat!

My unpopular opinion about this character

I have this same opinion for kenny but I didnt wanna say the same thing for both so here it is now! just also know this goes for ken lol

I've said this before but it doesnt hurt to say it again: badass craig does not exist. Craig's favorite show is red racer, he has a pet guinea pig named stripe that he prioritizes over half the fucking people he knows, he's incredibly soft for his fucking boyfriend and the only "badass" thing he does is...be blunt?flip people off? like what. king smoked in one episode and yall made him into this cool dude who gets mad bitches which, like I said in kenny's thing, is weird, even moreso bc he canonically has only shown interest in his current boyfriend and like maybe a girl every once in a great fucking while pre-dating tweek? also most of those badass traits are jus man acting neurodivergent asf 😭😭 like it's cool if you think they're badass but the jump from man being monotone, blunt and having the repetitive motion of flipping people off to he's a bad boy who FUCKS is so weird like why does this exist!! why!!!!

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

god pls give me more character development. please make the development separate from his relationship with tweek. please give us more craig's gang moments im starved. crenny also pls it's been so many seasons I just want them to hold hands again or SOMETHING

[blueboltkatana]

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

GUrll ur so sexy... Like you're Hot. I don't care if you were bullied in school, you're sexy, they lied.

Also bitch I KNEW i related to you too much our ascendants are both in leo we're so hot.

Ok ok no now I'll stop complimenting and start with the roasting here we go:

So the sun is your sense of "self" it represents you on the more base level i guess you could say, like what most people think you're like is represented by your sun. With Sagittarius being your sun it means you're very energetic Especially for those things you are passionate about, you might have gone through a LOT of hobbies, only a few of them stuck around but you like to try things. You're curious about the way people's minds works, you wanna figure them out. If the conversations you have don't involve some form of psychoanalysis or philosophy you might loose interest. You are a Talker, maybe you talk very fast or you are often told to lower your voice but you don't do it on purpose you're just very very animated. You are kina volatile, in the sense that you value freedom in everything, love, work, hobbies. You have a huge rebellious streak and you kinda like testing your luck. Think adrenaline junkie. It's cliché but with this much Sagittarius in your chart you prob love traveling, like i said you will chase freedom because you associate it with happiness. If you find people that make you feel free then you feel happy. Rules don't go well with you. You don't really like being involved with fights per se but you LOVE debating, if you can beat a motherfucker with nothing but facts and logic you will and you will enjoy it.

Your way of flirting or making friends is "lowkey bullying" or my favourite "verbally throwing hands". If they shoot back you get heart eyes (my mars in sag agrees). You can be tactless as fuck tho. Like you will say some outrageous shit that MIGHT be funny if the timing is right or MIGHT make everyone in a 5 mile radius mad.

I NEED to talk about your moon in sag bc Babe, babe the moon tells us about our emotions and how we deal with them, how we express them and how they shape us. But BABE. Sagittarius moons are so bad at comforting people it's embarrassing, trying to make them think of smth else or do smth else to distract from the situation is NOT a good way to deal with your emotions... Avoiding your emotions like the plague is not gonna invent a vaccine... Saying "everything is fine :)" DOESN'T MAKE ANYTHING FINE PLEASE GO TO THERAPY. ok to give you some credit, you don't let shit bring you down, no matter what you always get up and that is a *strength* that i admire, but love you're burning the candle at both ends, especially if you get yourself in More problems by trying to distract yourself from One problem.

Also you've had a horsegirl phase or a dog obsession phase or both huh. AND your love language is sarcasm but the type that you will make someone laugh when you're insulting them. You're also hilarious irl you're prob the "funny friend" but with that scorpio mars and venus baby inside ur sad and dark as fuck ripp.

I also wanted to talk about your mercury in sag... Babe... Do you know what a brain to mouth filter IS?! do you recognize that word?!?! Cuz you have never used yours i think. Like you are hilarious but that's because you have dolphins in the head cavity baby. Not trying to say you're stupid, you're actually very smart and opinionated, probably have been told that you'd be a great lawyer or smth. But miss gurl please think before you speak for the love of god ur gonna make someone cry. Also ur mouth is foul. Have you ever spoken a sentence without a "fuck" or a "cunt" somewhere in there?! God bless.

Now for your scorpio Venus I'm just gonna say, more confirmation that ur Sexy as Fuck, scorpio venuses are just sexy, amazing partners, VERY passionate, whoever dates you will never forget you, for better or for worse you'll forever be on the back of their mind. You had a harsh emo phase huh, maybe loved some obscure shit like witchcraft or just love dressing all black like someone's mother died, i bet you wear silver jewelry a lot, maybe necklaces or rings or chockers. If this isn't how you dress now it was prob a major phase in your life. Or maybe you just love horror movies idk

Being as passionate as you are you don't take well to being mistreated or lied to, you might like to plot revenge and things like those, you wouldn't do anything... You actually prefer letting things go but you WILL make an elaborate scenario in your head at 3am or even as you stare right in the persons face.

With mars in scorpio you might be kinda passive aggressive, maybe you act like things don't really bother you but you throw a comment or two once in a while just to stir the pot bc you can't move on lmfao.

You are attracted to people that are introverts or generally just mysterious, like i said above the nature of the Sagittarius is to Learn and to Study. People that you can't immediately figure out intrigue you. All your crushes are either on geminis or water signs lmfao.

The best careers for you are the ones that allow you some freedom of either movement or expression and something that can keep your mind from flying away, something that keeps you intrigued, like research or writing. You're a very "all or nothing" person and it can sometimes scare people away, i advise you to work on compromising, being less stubborn and more open with your emotions and desires.

(part one bc I'm taking too long and I don't wanna keep you waiting so much) I'll reblog this with part 2

Alright here we go part 2 of Roasting hella until she finds out I'm hiding in her walls.

I will skip over some planets that are Very slow moving and usually don't talk about you as an individual but refer to your generation as a whole.

I wanna focus on lilith for a sec bc worstie lilith talks about our fears, our more "darker" side that we hide from ourselves as well as the people that we love. Lilith in aries in the eleventh house tells me you might be afraid to take charge, you gravitate towards positions of leadership but you let go on the last second, almost afraid to have too much control, very often self sabotaging your own success. Your anger and you own ambition might scare you, you might be afraid of appearing too aggressive bc under your skin you have a deep rooted anger and rebellion that you wish to relieve but you can't find a good enough outlet, some things soothe it but you always feel like it never leaves. It might be related to some form of resentment that you never truly dealt with and now it sits uncomfortably with you and you just can't get over it and it bothers you. You might have been shy in groups as a child, maybe you talked a lot but it was always from a fear of the silence not always because you had something to say. The eleventh house is that of groups and friends and social awareness, technology and your hopes and wishes for the future, having lilith in this house talks about someone who had a hard time feeling comfortable around people OR someone who wasn't very accepted. You might have desperately wished for friends but have found it hard to find any. Or if you did, you deep down felt very alone. I would advise to learn to accept your anger and deal with it in healthy ways instead of brushing it off and repressing it.

The north node talks about what you need to focus more in your life for example in your case with Gemini in your North node you need to focus more on your communication letting go of anxiety and your relation with other people you need to become more interested in intellectual pursuit and growth. You need to let go off the need to always be right and look more at details instead of focusing on on the bigger picture all of the time. When your North node is is in Gemini then your South node is in Sagittarius which tells me that what you should focus less on is your pursuit of freedom and your rebellion. Be more aware of your words and use them with maturity.

Now let's have some fun with the ascendent in leo which we share and now i see why ur so relatable. The first house or the ascendant is that very superficial layer of our personality, it includes the way we carry ourselves, our style, the little habits or quirks we have. One thing about leo ascendants is that we have an obsession with our hair. Hair is important to us, some have huge hair that might remind you of a lions mane, others just have very unique style or color but we ALL are lowkey or highkey obsessed with it, either constantly touching it, pulling it, chewing on it, cutting it or dying it in unique ways you name it. You might have a rather large nose or cat like eyes.

This ascendent is full of life and light, very funny, light hearted and luxurious, you want to live that good life and i don't blame you. A negative aspect is that we come of as intimidating to others. ALL of my friends AND my ex have at some point told me I was intimidating to them. It makes us prone to overcompensating for it later in life so maybe now you're super outgoing and extroverted and you approach people first and try to be super friendly. Also you're an attention whore (affectionate) with a flare for the dramatics, very flamboyant, you basically fill the room with personality, it attracts attention and you love it. You're what people would call a "sunny" person.

You're hella competitive (get it lol) and you LOVE fighting your way to the top and crushing the competition. You're probably a weirdo that low key likes school. Not the way it's run or the teachers or whatever, but the "idea" of school. If you could just learn all your life you absolutely would.

Second house in virgo. The 2nd house is the house of money, work, income, daily routines, values, material possessions, habits, work ethic ect being in virgo it means you can have an extremely good work ethic, you put a lot of thought in planning and mapping your work, you might get overly critical on your work though and often undermine your own success and efforts because they didn't fit your impossible standards. You can be very organized in your work, you want things to be a certain way and if they don't follow your plan you will Make them. Its a good position for virgo but yoh need to be aware of not overworking by trying to do Everything on your own. Let others help you, and let people in your work do their own things don't try to help if not asked to because you will overwork yourself.

The third house is that of the mind, thinking, communication, siblings, interests and early education, in your case it is in Libra which means that you're early education might not have been very stable or it was a period of time that you look back with a lot of fondness but not much substance. You are a good talker but you get lost when it comes to details, you are indecisive when it comes to settling on an opinion on something if you don't have All the facts first, you always want to be right. You are pretty open minded and easy to talk to but you might have the bad habit of rambling off topic. You change interests constantly and you prob like to talk about others, you wanna know the tea if it kills you. You prob had a crush on a childhood best friend or on a hot neighbor. Your relationship with your siblings might be pretty good, friendly, no particular resentment or anything like that, you might be the one that everyone treats a little better, people let you get away with things more often, you might be the one that takes 2 hours in the bathroom lol.

Oof fourth house in scorpio babe how are the mommy issues? 😬 How is your relationship with your femininity? Having trouble with keeping secrets? So the fourth house is the one responsible for your home roots, your family, self-care, emotions, your mother, women and your femininity and having Scorpio here tells me that you might have very strong ties to your family, but they weren't healthy or emotionally supportive. You have grown with people that might have undermined your emotions, people that didn't teach you to set healthy boundaries and maybe even manipulators and gaslighters. You might have been the type to put your foot down a lot a home, assuming a very dominant role as well as the defender. You're very private about your family life and don't want to let people too close.

Ah i just noticed u have like 3 planets in this house including ur Sun and Moon, babe this house is what you need to focus on when you go to therapy. This almost secretive, guarded approach to understanding your own emotions is very prominent in how you see yourself, how you feel and with Pluto there, how you change. I could say the biggest changes in your life have happened in these areas and they have left the biggest impacts on you. Yes you are passionate and protective but don't let bad feelings marinate forever, address them and then move on from them because they're just weighting you down.

Fifth house in sag, also the house of your mercury. This house represents Love, romance, creativity, self expression, joy and childlike spirit. It tells me the way you express your creativity is through words which makes sense since you're a great writer, but not only, the way you express Love is also through your words, expression and free thoughts are your way you tell your loved ones how much you mean to them, think poetry, long rants, music recommendations bc of specific song lyrics, you have been writing form childhood and it's one of the ways you express your view on beauty as well, to you love is freedom and freedom is expression.

Capricorn in the sixth house paired with both uranus and neptune being in it tells me there is something about your knees, joints, bones or teeth in particular that stands out when it comes to your health, maybe you tend to break your teeth, maybe you like chewing on crunchy foods, maybe your joints crack a lot, idk but I'd drink my milk if i was you, take care of your joints and bones. Also for you, being emotionally unwell often translates to being Physically unwell as well, so be mindful of your emotions because they do affect you physically. You need to keep hydrated also and your health plan needs structure for it to work bc that neptune makes everything very chaotic and uranus constantly makes you bored and wanting to spice things up. Take care of your emotional needs just as much as you would with your physical ones. And for the love of jesus be CAREFUL with alcohol or smoking because that neptune in ur health house could mean serious trouble if you let it become an addiction, don't push it.

Aquarius in the seventh house of relationships, marriage, contracts, business partners ect means you are untraditionally traditional. That makes sense in my head let me explain. Aquarius is a sign that seeks individualism desperately, it likes to feel like a special person, impossible to understand. Yet always feels comfortable in the structure of traditional and safe paths. So for example you might marry someone in a way that is not traditional but at the end of the day you wish for your marriage to have a stability you would feel safe falling into. Also it says ur gay. Air signs in the relationship house says ur gay i Make the rules.

Pisces is in the eighth house of sex, intimacy, shared finances, inheritance, taxes, loans, property, mystery, partner's resources. This tells me you fuck with feeling lmfao. Or you simply make your love life something "special", a connection that only you and ur person can share, it's what makes you an amazing lover and an unforgettable one as well. But as amazing as you are at creating a otherworldly atmosphere, ur just as shit at setting boundaries and saying something when you don't like something. You don't like to see things that you love ending and a failed relationship makes you blame yourself too much, you have the tendency to stay in situations where you are being mistreated but you tell yourself It's on you.

A recurring theme I'm seeing is some weakness when it comes to liars or manipulators in your life. So either you irrationally fear people are lying to you because you "lie" to them about yourself or a lot of people in your childhood might have used lying or gaslighting as a way to keep you under control. I would advise to try not to overthink and become paranoid, people love you and they believe in you and they aren't deceiving you, they don't secretly mean something different from what they have said. Listen to your intuition about people sure, but don't confuse it with anxiety.

With lilith and aries in the 9th house of travel and higher education and religion I'm gonna assume you might have religious trauma. Religion might have been a way that people used to try and control you, if not religion then some form of system or government law. Being queer i completely understand the sentiment but in your case it's take a step further because you Value the ideals of this house so much, with lilith here, it's like at som point in your life you were finally awakened to how much injustice there was in the world ant that has made you very inclined to take action, you cannot stand unjust government or non tolerating religions. You might have felt crushed under an unjust system and it took you a lot of will and conviction to find your individuality and build yourself how you wanted once you were free.

Your midheaven in taurus tells me you are one that will achieve any goals you set your mind to. It might take you time, you might procrastinate around it, but at the end of the day, you will do it and you will do it well and it will be rewarding. If your father isn't a Taurus then he was a stable figure in your life, very much a rock for better or for worse. In your career life people will see you as very competent, very down to earth and helpful but you know you just procrastinated till the last second possible and stayed up all night do finish your work... You will seek careers that you believe will guarantee you stable income and a comfortable life. You might indulge in luxury from time to time because you think in order to get the position you want at work you need to look the part. Ultimately it's your sheer stubbornness and spite that gets you all the way up to the top of the food chain.

The eleventh house of groups, friendships, humanitarianism, and social awareness is in your case in gemini. It tells me you value friendship extremely and you surround yourself with a diverse cast of friends, you couldn't mix your different friend groups if you tried and you have tried. You have the habit of being too friendly to everyone which makes you end up with more friends than you know what to do with. You are approachable but people can get the impression that you are putting up a show or a facade and your emotions arent genuine, it's not always the case but you need to be more truthful and assertive, put some boundaries and don't let people get away with shit you don't like. Your public persona is very well liked, seen as fun and bright and smart and overall a joy to be around.

Now that last placement... 12th house cancer, i have the same placement and babe I'm sorry for all the shit you have been through. You deserve the freedom to be unhappy and to express that unhappiness in healthy ways. You deserve to be given unconditional love and support no matter how many mistakes you say you have made no matter how overly pessimistic you are about yourself it doesn't matter you're amazing and i love you and you deserve the world.

With jupiter the planet of expansion in the 12th house of endings, spirituality, solitude and karma?! Gurl i did say u were a cult leader but i didn't think it was astrologically backed up rippp. But it also says you might have a hard time getting the motivation to finish things, you might take a long time to finish a project. This house placements also tells me you're amazing at writing emotional ass fantasy stories which by now we have confirmed, but if you have like, an original idea for a book don't hesitate to get it started babe bc u have a very promising placement for that. Don't get too dragged into a sad whirlpool of emotions and daydreams but bring your creative ideas to life and you'll be fine.

This is all I'm doing today and i think it's enough lol. I'm posting this I'm sorry to my followers for the long ass post I'll tag it so you can filter it. This was a whole psycho-astrological analysis of our favourite writer Hellspawn1975. I have wanted to study her like a new lizard species for a while and i finally got the chance thank you hella for the opportunity.

Final words to @hella1975 i hate you and I'll fuck ur mom tomorrow, gn babe <3

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

NOTES: Sorry to the Gelphie shippers for these Dozma chapters. I haven't forgotten you! You'll see! 

And of course, sorry for taking so long between updates. Boring IRL things distracting me - one of which being Camp NaNoWriMo last month. The upside is, you're about to get not one, but two new fanfics from me soon! so hopefully that makes up for me dragging my feet on getting this one posted.

Of course, within the hour, it was time to hold court. Glinda had hastily explained the developments to Elphaba, who remained with Dorothy to help monitor the recent immigrant. Then she bolted up to Ozma's chambers to investigate the current situation.

"No, tighter, Jellia," Ozma was urging her as the servant tried to cinch her dress closed. Never in a demanding, condescending tone; that just wasn't how Ozma treated other people, regardless of station. But she did sound more anxious than usual. "Sorry, I know, it's as tight as it goes, but… I need to look my very best! So we can't do anything halfway today!"

"Your Highness?"

"What? Oh… hello, Glinda." She looked a little cowed when she saw the disapproving frown on Glinda's face, and glanced down at her pristine white heeled boots. "Jellia, that's fine; thank you."

"Quite welcome, Majesty," Jellia said with a bow of her green head before she retreated, having enough sense to be able to tell Glinda wanted to talk to her alone.

"Are you alright?"

Laughing weakly, she turned to her full-length mirror and observed the effect. "I'll have to be, won't I? The court awaits."

"Ozzie…" When she didn't answer again, she bit her lip as she thought for a moment. Then she asked, "Do you like wearing these get-ups? You could probably pass a law. 'No queen shall wear anything but old trousers and pointed caps during royal ceremonies' or something."

That did earn a little more of an earnest chuckle. "Honestly?"

"Sure. I like honesty."

"So do I." Swishing the skirts around, she smiled vaguely. "I thought I might feel more comfortable in those old clothes. And I did, in a way… but not as much as I thought. They don't fit me anymore."

"Well, we know why that is," Glinda joked as she gave a light tap on Ozma's behind that made her squeak in surprise. They both giggled. "Not that I'm saying it's that big, of course."

"Of course. Just… no, I didn't mean only that the actual size is wrong. They don't suit me anymore. I think I might like to wear… suits tailored to my new shape sometimes, because they are more comfortable than these highly regal gowns. But that doesn't mean I don't like wearing these."

Glinda tilted her head a little again. "Can you clear that up a little for me? I'm not saying you're wrong, just that I'm not following your chain of thoughts quiiiite yet."

Ozma paused, truly pondering her words. She turned so that Glinda could really take a look at her. What a breathtaking beauty she had become! Quite youthful, but serene, her perfect auburn ringlets framing her cheeks and slender neck and supporting the silver circlet as if it had been made to rest there. Sunkissed skin, no longer as tan as when they had first met her but still not as pale as that of a spoiled princess, gleamed from above the neckline that began the concealment of the rest of her form in puffs of white fabric and sparkling green ribbons. Truly a regal presence, and one that was a joy to behold, unlike the frightened respect that the Wizard had demanded via use of his puppets. This was definitely an improvement.

"I love feeling this pretty. It's something that was deep inside of me that I didn't even know was there until you helped reveal it. But sometimes, I still feel like… I don't deserve it, or I'm not really a girl because I grew up as a boy. Which I know isn't true! This really is who I am, I believe that with my heart and soul. But the doubts come back and I can never seem to make them completely go away. So that's… that's what I meant."

Smiling gently, Glinda reached up to cup either side of Ozma's sweet face. "Oh, little angel Ozzie… it must be tough, having to always 'be the princess' in front of the whole Emerald City when it's such a new thing for you."

"Yeah. That part doesn't help; the… public part."

"But you're doing a great job. And you know all you have to do is ask Jellia to make you a few suits for casual afternoons, working in the garden with Jack, or just days when you aren't feeling quite up to the frills and frippery. She'd be happy to! You're the one in charge, so do what you want. We'll all support you."

Ozma nodded. "Thank you, Glinda. I don't know what I'd do without the coven around."

"Council," she corrected, and they both snickered. "Also, if you ever want to take a little vacation, we could probably arrange for that. Get away from the responsibilities of queendom for a week or so."

"I'd like that. As long as you and Elphie and Nessa came along."

"And Dorothy?"

Sighing, she turned back to the mirror, regarding it with a frown this time. "Do you think… she'll hate me for this? I thought easing her into the idea by turning up as Tip was a better plan, but now I feel… stupid."

"Only one way to find out." She didn't want to comment on whether or not the plan was stupid; privately, she thought it was, but she also fully appreciated why Ozma tried it in the first place. Being honest with Elphaba about her own feelings had been one of the most difficult choices she'd ever made, and she had been terrified of rejection. It was probably much the same for her forlorn Ruler.

"That's true. Do I look alright?"

With bald honesty, she whispered, "You look perfect." Then she leaned in to kiss both her cheeks and boop her on the nose with her index finger, earning a slight giggle. "And cute! Now go out there and face the music; your people await."

                                ~ o ~

So Ozma did just that. Glinda quickly took her place with Elphaba in the bench on the righthand side of Ozma's seat of power; Nessarose was on the other side, and there was room for further seats on each side, though the chairs were not present. The idea had been to allow for space for a larger Council, should the need ever arise, but so far it had not. When visiting the Emerald City, Fiyero would sometimes take a seat next to Nessa, as an honorary Councilman.

Glinda kept her eyes focused on Dorothy as Ozma entered, glancing back to make sure she could monitor how the princess was doing now and then. The girl had snagged herself a spot very near the front of the crowd, wanting her first glimpse of this regal being to be a good one.

"Hail to the Queen Ozma!" Jellia announced.

The crowd, appropriately, responded with "Hail!" and then burst into cheers and clapping. In the first few days of her reign, Jellia and the Council had tried to discourage them from causing so much commotion, but right away Ozma had told them to let the people celebrate if they wanted to. As Ozma sat, Glinda saw that Dorothy was clapping along with everyone else. Her brow was creased a little in very mild confusion, but she was otherwise as pleased as everyone else.

"Thank you all," Ozma said. Even though she was nervous, it barely showed; despite being a very young and inexperienced ruler, the ability to act "professional" in front of her subjects was something that came naturally to her. "Today, we will be hearing reports from outlying cities of the Land of Oz. If you have a grievance or report from within the Emerald City outer walls, or the cities nearest the walls in Gillikin, Munchkinland, Vinkus, or the Quadling Country, please refrain and hold your remarks for another date, wherein we will be welcoming them from your areas."

As she spoke, Dorothy's face began to come over with pure shock. To be fair, she did not make a scene, but it was readily apparent to her old friends that she had figured out Ozma and Tip were the same person without needing any explanation. Clever as she was, that came as no surprise.

"Well, there goes the neighbourhood," Elphaba muttered into her ear.

"Shh, Elphie." Still, she had a hard time disagreeing. A quick glance at Ozma showed that she wasn't paying Dorothy any attention. Purposefully. That was very like her to do, making sure that her focus remained on the matters at hand and to worry about personal issues later.

One by one, the reports were received. A band of thieves was trying to interrupt emerald mining in the Glikkus. Some city in the south of the Vinkus was in dire need of fresh water, for their well had run dry. The Quadlings wanted fairer trades for their wares. Most of these matters were settled in short order, though there was occasionally some debate needed to resolve the problem to the satisfaction of all parties involved. At the end of the day, however, the people remained as thrilled with their new ruler as before.

However, just when they were wrapping things up and the crowd started to stir and get ready to leave, Ozma called out, "One final matter for the day." After some brief murmurs, she added, "Dorothy Gale of Kansas."

A hush fell over everyone else. Slowly, Dorothy first pointed at herself, and then awkwardly pushed to her feet.

"Welcome to Oz. Myself and the Council wish to make it known to all here that you are forevermore Princess Dorothy of Oz, and should be afforded all the rights and respect that this title offers." There was only the briefest of hesitations before she went on, "And you may take a position of authority over any of the countries in Oz if you so choose, or decline such, and reside wherever you wish. For the services you have rendered us, we remain in your debt."

Glinda's heart sank. She was offering Dorothy a way out. Now that she knew Tip was Ozma and there was a possibility things might be awkward between them, she wanted Dorothy to know that she would not be required to continue living in the palace if she wasn't comfortable with the idea. It was a magnanimous gesture, but also could sound like she was sending her away.

But while the crowd was applauding the brief speech, all Dorothy could do was look stunned. When the clapping died down, and she noticed everyone was looking at her, she managed an ungainly little curtsy, then announced, "Th-thank you… Your Majesty." It seemed to be all she could come up with.

"Thank you," Ozma countered. Then she hastily said, "This concludes today's audience," and turned to step down briskly from the seat and leave the audience hall.

Immediately, the rest of the council followed her, but Glinda thought her efforts were best applied elsewhere. She whispered to Elphaba, "Tell Ozzie I thought she was very brave," then slipped down into the rest of the crowd to seek out Dorothy.

She had to chase her down. By the time she got to the audience seating, Dorothy was already out in the hall, so she had to push through the throng until she caught up with the dazed girl, leaning against the wall a little further down.

"Hey," she said in an imitation of her usual cheery voice. "Doing alright?"

"What? Oh… oh, yes, Miss Glinda, of course," she laughed — and it was a bit manic. "Why shouldn't I be? I'm… I'm a princess now! A-and so is…"

When no finish came to the sentence, Glinda provided one. "So is Tip."

"I guess so."

"Are you… really alright? Honest-to-Oz?"

"Sure! I mean, why shouldn't I be? Girl like me from nowhere, gettin' to meet a real live princess, a-and then become one? It's like a dream come true! I'm… I'm just over the rainbow about it!" But when Glinda only frowned, Dorothy turned away. "A-and she looked very nice up there, in that… dress, and the pretty crown…"

"Dorothy-"

"You know, maybe I will go and visit Scarecrow after all. See how he's doin'. A-and then I can come back and… and figure out what to do with myself. Can't just sit around bein' a big nuisance all the time! Aunt Em always said…"

But she didn't finish that thought; bringing up her aunt only took away her false joy. Glinda placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Dorothy… come on, you don't have to act brave if you don't feel brave. I'm your friend."

"I… I know. And you tried to tell me somethin' yesterday, but…" Her shoulders shrugged, taut and full of tension. "I wasn't listenin' properly. Thing is, I ain't wired like you and Miss Elphaba, so… I don't know. I need to clear my head, but after that, maybe… I can find a way to…"

She drew her in for a tight hug, and Dorothy only put up a fight for the first few seconds before she melted into it, shivering. Not crying, but clearly struggling to suppress some reaction. Whether that be sadness or anger, or something else, Glinda couldn't quite say. But she held on for some time. Eventually, the shivering petered out, and she took a deep, bracing breath.

"I'm alright now," she said with a false brightness, drawing back to beam up at Glinda. "Thanks."

"You are not. But… I'm glad you're better. Do you want to go and have lunch? We could take it somewhere… somewhere else."

Dorothy could definitely tell that Glinda was carefully not saying "somewhere without Ozma." It was written all over her face. After a moment, she nodded. "If you're sure it's alright? I mean, Miss Elphaba-"

"-Will survive one meal without me," she laughed, taking Dorothy's hand and patting it gently as she led her off to find another hall in which to dine. There were plenty in the Palace.

                                ~ o ~

Dorothy did set off for Kiamo Ko the next morning. As she had told them, even without "other things" being a factor, she still wanted to reunite with her old friend, and to see whether or not Boq was adjusting to life now that he was no longer carrying around so much rage and murder in his heart. After all, he had been nothing but good to Dorothy, so there was no pretending he was wicked through and through. Maybe the new lease on life would be enough to set right what had been darkened within him.

Ozma was distraught by this news, of course, but Glinda tried to reassure her that it was a temporary absence. If Dorothy came back and decided she was moving away, they could fret over it then, but for now there was no use worrying.

So they turned their focus to other matters. Tending the queendom, as was always pressing. Elphaba was still perfecting some new spells to make all their lives easier, and Nessa trying to change certain outdated laws in the hopes that governance would run more smoothly. Glinda busied herself consoling Ozma and meeting with members of Emerald City nobility when Ozma wasn't feeling up to it. Though they missed the girl who formerly wore the Golden Shoes, there was no shortage of distractions.

Finally, on the third night after she had gone, Glinda walked in to find Ozma was again wearing the Tip costume. Rolling her eyes, she came and sat next to her on the bench in front of her vanity.

"That's not going to fix anything."

A moment or two passed as Ozma stared forlornly at her reflection. Then she said, "Mombi was able to curse me once. What if… we found that spell in her books and did it again?"

"Then we would be robbing Oz of its rightful heir."

"I could still be a prince as easily as I could be a princess."

"Is that who you believe you truly are?"

"NO!" she burst out, slumping down so that her head thunked against the lip of the vanity. "But I… I can't stand the thought of… of being this way, only to have…"

Sliding an arm around her, she whispered, "Listen. I know this is hard; I know you want to do something about it. Really, we've all found ourselves in a situation where… what we want is so hard to get our hands on, and it's tempting to change something about yourself that's really important to get it. Like… me with Fiyero."

"Fiyero? What about him?"

"Both Elphie and I were in love with him once. Or we thought we were," she added in a mutter. "But he obviously cared more for Elphie than for me, after the initial charm of my good looks wore off." More as a force of habit, she fluffed her golden girls with one hand.

"I see," Ozma snorted.

"So I tried being a little more altruistical. A little more… giving, and kind, and thoughtful of others. Not because it's the right thing to do, which is more how I do things now, but because… I thought it would make him like me better. And it didn't; he's admitted to us now that he was a lot more interested in Elphaba for being… well, genuine, I guess."

For a moment, Ozma simply nodded. Then she pulled at her long, perfectly-coiffed hair and growled, "I feel so stupid, though! Dorothy is… is perfectly entitled not to feel the same way now that she knows I'm a woman. I keep telling myself that! What's wrong with me?!"

"Whoa, whoa! Alright, you're way too tensed up. Come over here now. No, no, come here."

Glinda led a very pouty Ozma away from the bench to two chairs arranged around a small table. The usual purpose for these chairs was for her to take tea with one of the Councilwomen, if and when they needed them — though usually, the small dining room was used. She pushed Ozma into one and then sat across from her.

"Here." At first, when she pulled one of the princess's old "boy shoes" off, Ozma rolled her eyes, but the minute she began to knead into her stocking foot with her thumbs, the annoyance and uncertainty vanished. "There now. Relax."

"Ahh…" A few seconds passed as Ozma did her best to resent melting at the pleasant sensation. "Alright, I get it, Glinda. You're right. I'm… worrying about this… too much. You don't have to…" A little sigh. "Keep going…"

"Was that 'You don't have to keep going', or 'You don't have to,' and then you changed your mind and asked me to keep going?"

Chuckling just a little, Ozma favoured her with a grateful smile. "Was supposed to be the first one. But thank you. I don't know why you keep doing things like this for me yourself when I'm sure we could get the royal masseuse. If we have one of those."

"Not yet, but we should!" They both laughed. "But I don't mind. Honestly… it might sound a little odd, but I like having you around to take care of. Maybe it's my motherly instincts having nowhere to go, especially since I like taking care of Elphaba but she's even more self-sufficient than the two of us put together."

More laughter, and this time Ozma reclined a little, letting Glinda finish the job and move on to the other foot. "So I'm your surrogate child? That seems a little funny when we're technically the same age. I just haven't known I was a princess so I have to relearn everything as I go along."

"Ah, but you lost those early years, so I'm older now," she teased, wiggling her toes through the stocking fabric. For that, Ozma picked up a napkin lying on the table and attempted to throw it at her, and it fluttered to the floor uselessly. "Wow, you really have fully transitioned into being a spoiled royal girl."

"That wasn't a serious throw. You and I both know I could pick up this teaspoon and chuck it hard enough to split your nose." That made Glinda laugh so hard she snorted like a pig, and Ozma really lost it then, pulling both legs back so she could double up and wrap her arms around her sides, tittering until breathless. "OH! Oh, Glinda, that's t-too much!"

Wiping her eyes as she laughed along with her, Glinda Upland regarded the sweet princess in her old, worn-out clothing, briefly broken from her dark mood. She did deserve to be happy. If Dorothy would make her happy, and she would make Dorothy happy, it was really quite pathetic for any other factors to get in the way. So she realised that she had two immediate goals. First, to determine whether or not Dorothy's feelings for the illusion that was Tip had been infatuation, or the elusive "true love" that some spent their entire lives searching for. And second… to figure out how to get them fixed up together.

                                ~ o ~

"Hello, everyone!" Dorothy cried out as she skipped in through the dining hall doors, eyes full of unshed tears. It had only been a week, give or take a day, but she still acted as if she had been gone for another dozen years.

And the Formerly-Wicked Witches reacted as if she had, as well. They all forsook their dinners to stand and envelop her in a crushing embrace, petting over her hair and laughing gaily as they welcomed her home. Dorothy squirmed and giggled freely, cheeks bunched with the force of her happiness. Even Jellia couldn't suppress a smile, despite her typically detached and professional demeanor.

Once the initial joy wore off, they turned as one to Ozma, who had at least stood to approach them but was hanging back, uncertain.

"Get in here," Glinda urged her through her toothy smile.

"N-no, I'd… better not," she said with a slight flush to her cheeks.

"It's alright!" Dorothy insisted, then covered her mouth with a shy fist once she had heard herself speak. Clearly, she hadn't meant to do so that suddenly. "I m-mean… I've missed you, too, Tip!"

"Ozma," Nessa corrected in a whisper.

"Ozma! R-right! Princess Ozma, y-your Majesty!" She did a curtsy, and her elbow connected with Elphaba's ribs. "Oh, s-sorry, I'm… awful clumsy sometimes!"

Before anyone else could try, Ozma was there to help steady her. Their hands remained in each other's as she gazed across into her eyes, smiling gently. "I'm… so happy to see you again."

"Oh? Happy?" Dorothy seemed to fixate on that. If Glinda were to hazard a guess, it was because there were two very different potencies of "happy" that the Ruler could be.

"Very happy. But, um… I believe I'm weary just now. I'll retire to my chambers and let you all catch up." Reluctantly, she slid her hands out from beneath Dorothy's and took a step backward. "Perhaps I'll see you tomorrow?" Dorothy nodded. Without any further comment, Ozma curtsied and left the dining hall at a quick pace.

And then they were left to look at each other. After a moment, Elphaba said, "So Glinda explained things to us. Which you can't be surprised about, but I'm sorry if you feel your trust is betrayed."

"Not really," Dorothy said with a little shy smile. "But gosh… I didn't think she'd look so… I dunno. Hurt, I guess? She looked hurt, and I didn't mean for her to be."

"You didn't hurt her," Nessa said in a reasonable tone, patting her on the shoulder. "And of course you didn't mean to. But… I think she had an unrealistic expectation that you didn't meet. Knowing it was unrealistic didn't make it go away."

Though she looked as if she already knew the answer, she squirmed and asked, "What 'spectation is that?"

"That Tip turning out to be Ozma wouldn't matter," Elphaba sighed. "What a silly thing to assume."

"Not silly," Glinda hissed at her roomie, who rolled her eyes toward the chandelier above them. "But yes, that's what she was hoping. You would see she was a princess in disguise, say 'oh my goodness!' and then move on from that. And when you didn't, even though your reaction was quite understandable…"

"I made her sad." All three of them nodded, and Dorothy walked over to the table and plopped down. "Well… I've been thinking on that a lot."

"And?"

"And… I ain't the kind to think a whole lot. But it seems to me that… that I should start over. Get to be friends with Ozma, like I did with you three."

Elphaba's smirk was nearly criminal. "You're going to throw water on her?"

"Hush up," she giggled, and they all shared a relieved look. It was torturous seeing Dorothy as anything less than happy. At least her drawn appearance was slowly beginning to even out; she'd been packed off with plenty of bread and cheese and cakes when she left, and had probably been richly served in the Vinkus, as well. Not quite the plump girl she had been when they all first met, but certainly healthier.

After a moment, they returned to their seats and called for some bread and jam for Dorothy, and they listened to her tales of her travels. As it turned out, they did run into a few interesting characters along the way, including a cat made of glass and a boy as bright as a button, but more or less her journey was blessedly free of complications. Fiyero had been a wonderful host. Alas, Boq was a little odd and distant, but at least he had been pleasant and spent no time complaining about former matters. After a couple of days, she felt she had reminisced long enough and started making her way back.

Which led them to ask her about Ozma. At first, she tried to ask them about the goings on within the Emerald City to distract them from the topic, but that didn't work for more than a pair of minutes.

"Alright, alright. Like I said, I want to start over. Because… I think I let Tip bein' a boy go to my head, and got wrong ideas. Maybe led him on? Well… not on purpose, but I think I did, anyway. If I'd known he was a she, I mighta been able to just… be friends! Like two normal people! Don't know why I acted so silly around him, I've never acted like that around boys before…"

Nessa smiled a knowing smile. "You grew up, Dorothy. I mean, you're still fairly wide-eyed, but you're an adult woman now. Really, I'm surprised you never chased any boys before now."

That earned her a disapproving gasp from the Kansas girl. "Oh, I couldn't! Chase a boy? Me? No, no, that's not how a lady behaves! Aunt Em told me…" She came over melancholy again, but pushed through it more effectively this time. "Well, that it ain't proper for a girl to chase after a boy; the boy is s'posed to do the courtin', and the lady waits for him, and…" Her voice faded with uncertainty.

"That may be how they do it in Kansas," Glinda conceded with her arms folded over her chest, "but sure as heck not how we do things in Oz. You like somebody, you tell them; simple as that."

Of course, she wanted to say more. She wanted to point out to Dorothy that she and Ozma had already kissed, whether the poor girl and her strangely restrictive views about romance wanted to remember the event or not. But it was painfully clear to her that Dorothy needed to take a step away from that aspect of their relationship for some reason or another. It seemed to mostly be because of Ozma being a woman now, but she wondered if it wasn't also because of how young and inexperienced she was. After all, from their many conversations, all she ever heard about from Dorothy was about the farm, the farm, and in rare moments of great variety, the farm. The girl was the furthest thing from Ozmopolitan one could be.

"This is stupid," Elphaba finally sighed. "Just talk to her. You have to start there, or you won't get anywhere."

"Exactly," Dorothy sighed.

"No, I meant right now."

"Huh? Oh… n-no, I don't wanna bother her! She said she had to lie a spell…" At their staring, she dipped her head a little. "D-do you think if I came to breakfast, a-and tried to act like everything's peaches 'n' cream, that… th-that it'd be alright?"

Feeling bad that they were pushing her so much, Glinda rested a hand on her shoulder. "Of course. And if you're not feeling up to it in the morning, that's alright, too! We just wanted you to know that Ozzie's going to be happy to see you if you do pop in, and not upset. Alright?"

Elphaba looked like she had a lot more to say on the topic. However, she merely let Dorothy nod, and Jellia hastened to make sure her things were taken up to her rooms in the palace. But hoping that would be the end of it was something Glinda wasn't nearly foolish enough to try.

                                ~ o ~

"You really think we're doing the right thing?"

Glinda's head lolled over to glance at the nude form in the bedsheets to one side of herself. Not that Elphaba was much for putting her body on display; something she understood too well herself. Still, that insatiable part of her heart wanted to see as much as possible every waking moment.

"Of course, Elphie. Ozma's no older than us, and has had to do a lot of growing up as a woman in only a few months. And Dorothy's… Dorothy."

Nodding, she turned her green eyes toward the light streaming in through the green-tinted windows. They had both been meaning to commission someone to fashion them clear panes, so that the natural colouring of the rooms could be enjoyed — at least in the private rooms within the Royal Palace. They could stand on tradition in the public audience chambers like the throne room.

"This whole thing is stupid." Her hand fell to find Glinda's and wrap around it. "They're only resisting nature's pull because Dorothy's worried about pointless gender issues, and Ozma's worried about Dorothy."

"I know."

"Then we ought to do something about it."

"Like what?" she giggled, rolling over to curl her body around that of her lover. Silky skin against her own made her stomach flutter, but it was a flutter she had grown used to. Not in a way that removed its thrill, but she no longer panicked and tried to run from the room.

And she saw Elphaba flinch. That was happening fairly often, ever since she got back from Kansas. She knew the reasons by now because they tried to be open and honest with each other about everything, but it still hurt to know Elphaba had her comfort levels with that variety of touching shaken by something that should never have occurred. Little by little, she was going to erase that discomfort. Even if it took the rest of their lives.

"Like… shove them into a closet and tell them they can't come back out until they kiss." Her further giggling made Elphaba crack a smile, and she rolled her eyes as she admitted, "Alright, alright. I know it's supposed to be none of our business."

"I think forcing two people to kiss isn't exactly the best way to cause 'love' to brew, Elphie."

"You're right, of course."

"But… I understand." Her lips pushed into Elphaba's neck, earning a sigh that caressed through her own golden waves of hair, down across her bare shoulder. That was better; she was relaxing, welcoming the reassuring touches. "Ozma's never been this worried about anything in all the time since she first took the throne. Once she was sure she wasn't going to be thrown out of the palace, I mean. Probably because…"

"Because?"

"Well, you saw how Tip looked at her."

"I saw how they looked at each other," Elphaba murmured, and Glinda snickered. "Like you used to look at Fiyero, and Fiyero used to look at me."

"You weren't supposed to look at Fiyero looking at you while I looked at him," she teased.

A dark chuckle floated out of her. The kind that set her skin ablaze, her heart to racing. "Where's that rule written down?"

"The Grimmerie. It's somewhere in the back, you haven't made it that far in yet."

"Oh I haven't made it! The only one of us who's read the entirety of the book!" They both laughed, and Elphaba rolled to embrace Glinda back, smiling through her mirth. "Ohhh… you're such a nuisance."

Glinda's cheeks glowed. "You only call me a nuisance when you mean to say 'I love you'."

"You say it enough for both of us." Still, gruff as she was, Elphaba wasn't too good to follow through once in awhile. So she kissed Glinda very gently, softly, and whispered, "I love you, Glinny."

"Gosh…"

"You don't have to act like it's a surprise every time."

"What if it is? Every time you say it, I'm shocked that I get to hear it from your lips. That it's meant for me."

A green hand drifted up and perched on her glowing cheek, thumb tracing its way gently up and down along the skin as she gazed across at her, raven hair spilling out over the pillow in the most artful of ways and making Glinda want to reach past and slide her fingers through it. But for now, she was content to perch hers on Elphaba's ribcage.

"You shouldn't be. Winsome girls with golden curls are the ones who always find love. It's me who's lucky; I'm-"

"Just as beautiful," she cut her off, knowing what would come next. The self-deprecation, the eye so critical that it would tear her own appearance to shreds at any given opportunity. "Moreso for being unique; cute blondes are a dime a dozen in Gillikin."

"If I could have a dozen of you for a dime… my purse would be empty."

Lines like that always worked on Glinda. She had figured they would wear off once they settled into a relationship such as the one they were now enjoying, but every last time, Elphaba could make her feel sixteen again. Tittering and burying her face in Elphaba's shoulder, she heard her chuckle and felt strong arms wrapping around her back, holding her close. Caressing every inch they could reach. Lips pressed into the crown of her head before they whispered again.

"You make my heart leap, Glinda. Every day we're together."

She pulled back to lean up and take her lips, unable to hold back for another second. There was no reason to, and she couldn't have if there were. Elphaba's response was not as enthusiastic, but that wasn't her way; she was patient, she was earnest. But that in no way meant she wasn't passionate; it was just a different passion than her own. And that was what made them work.

A few minutes later, when Glinda raised her thigh a little higher to slide between another pair, Elphaba shivered and drew back. The thighs were the worst of the zones; she always flinched from that. But now, the reactions were equally alarmed and excited. It was progress.

"Again, so soon? You normally don't try for twice in a night."

"Can't get enough of your…" Glinda's cheeks flushed. Neither of them were very good at talking about this topic in detail, even after months of trying. "Your rose and your pearl."

That got Elphaba to push her hand into Glinda's face, cackling and rolling away as if she were completely through with her. But when Glinda reached past her hip and resumed their play, she certainly didn't fight her off a second time.

                                 To Be Continued…

[sebongie-loves]

youtuber!wonwoo

someone said to write more of this which i’m very happy that there’s someone who enjoys this, so here ya go! <3 

enjoy :)

wonwoo is that one youtuber that is cute, emo, relatable, awkward but seriously funny and got shipped with his own bestfriend

i mean by this y’all probably already know but his style is like daniel howell

he does random videos and probably films it at random times like this one time he made a video something like ‘What’s On My Mind at 3AM’ which literally him only talking for 5 minutes and it’s all giberish 

“who is the first person that made languages, the very first one. why do they decided to named pen ‘pen’? look at this pen, does it make you wanna say ‘pEn’? like, why?”

but actually an intellectual

savage most of the time 

saying stuffs like

“the reason why i don’t want to do collabs outside my circle of friends? uuuh snakes are not exactly my favourite animal”

probably hates everyone beside his friends

even with his friends, he acts like he hates them but everyone knows wonwoo is just a soft guy with a hard shells

like crabs 

but he doesn’t like seafoods 

ironic 

wears long sleeves jumpers or like jacket just for the sake of sweater paws that makes all of his subcribers go ‘awwwwwwwwwwww’ and soft for him

but this one time, he forgot and filmed with the sleeves rolled all the way his elbow, showing his muscular arms and his subscribers just went like ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA’ 

so his subscribers are constantly torn between him being soft or sexy like dang this boy can do both

he loves communicating with his viewers so he often goes on twitter or tumblr. just lurking and replying at 4am

does q&a everytime he ran out of ideas 

he does book review at every end of the month, like ‘January Favourites’ and does book hauls

which his viewers often joke something like wonwoo probably loves to watch make up artists that’s why he makes this kind of videos but with books  

he lives in korea. in fact, he lives there for most of his life and kudos for him, he learnt english at a very young age which makes english a language that he can speak comfortably

when he made this videos for the first time it was very impulsive like he did not expect anyone to watch him but appearantly lots of people found him cute so basically he grew up on youtube

started his career at a very young age really makes him who he is right now

sometime speaks korean and his fans just lose their shit after hearing him speaking in korean

he’s the cutest when talking about his favourite things like games, books and his friends

always spreading awareness about mental illness, equality, racism etc and not scared about it because he thinks that’s the right thing to do 

you’re just an ordinary person. living your life, which is also mean you’re binge watching youtube until 3 am when you need to wake up at 6am

your first video of wonwoo is doing a book review on your favourite books and damn the boy has the same opinion as you 

you later find him really cute and you’re enjoying his content so much that it almost makes you just stay on youtube all day all night

just like what you did everytime you found a new youtuber, you followed his twitter and his instagram and turn his post notification on so you know when he’ll drop something 

wonwoo notices someone that he thought is attractive on his comment section like seriously he cannot help himself but to search at your profile picture on his new videos and when he found your instagram and your twitter?

his life is a freakin mess because he seems like he likes you so much

it’s 3am at your place and you’re watching youtube like usual when a notification pops out from twitter. you usually found it annoying but not this time

‘Jeon Wonwoo liked your Tweet’

you almost throw your phone across the room and screaming at the top of your lungs when you found out it is the real him, not some kind of a troll but you still value your life that you hold everything so that your parents wont run to your room bringing knifes on their hands

wonwoo, in the other side, was almost destroyed his roommates’ ear and doors when he realised he accidentaly liked one of your tweets before you sending him a direct messages

“so, what’s the deal of a famous youtuber liking my tweet?”

you sent it without expecting a reply, that he would just go on with his life and forget the whole thing but no you’re wrong

“i’m sorry it was an accident”

“my tweet from four months ago?”

“.... okay i stalked you you got me.”

a direct message leads to being mutuals, being mutuals leads to giving each other personal information, giving each other personal information leads to texting all day all night, texting leads to voice calls and who know you’ll ended up video calling with him? :)

you ended up liking him as jeon wonwoo, not that youtuber wonwoo

and wonwoo should never lie about his crush on you because it’s obvious

he prioritise to video call you or voice call you 

he starts to give a content where it’s so obvious that he’s in love with someone

you love how he is always around you

he’s always there when you’re sad and comforting you

when you’re happy, he is always around to talk with you

when you’re lonely, he’s the one that is understanding

everyone around you and him know this relationship between you two and how much you want to meet them. wonwoo would like to visit but no matter how much he wants to prioritise you but he still needs to pay his bills and his foods so he’s really sorry that he cannot meet you anytime soon

all you can give him is a reassurance, saying things like ‘that’s okay we can meet someday, trust me!’

and that day comes

it was your birthday 

you’re video calling with wonwoo that is holding a small cake with candles to celebrate your birthday when your family and friends come into your room saying “we are sure that you’ll love this more than any luxurious items in this world”

that was when you found out you’re going to a trip to south korea

and now here you are, with a thousand butterflies in your stomach and you’re seconds away from meeting wonwoo

“y/n!!” 

a deep voice welcomed you, the deep voice you always heard against your phone screen or through your earphone is now calling your voice irl sounds so.. unbelievable?

no matter how hard it is to believe, wonwoo is there. standing with a cardboard that is decorated with pink glittery paint which you never expected him to hold that 

“this is my friend’s works but i guess it’s either you’ll love it or you’ll hate it.” he says with a smile, an awkward smile because he is so shy to meet you and happy at the same time 

you just can’t help yourself but to hug him and him replying the hug

“i can’t believe you’re real!”

“well i am but it’s just.. idk i’m so overwhelm and so happy that you’re here” 

he pats your head before breaking the hug. “now ready for the south korea’s adventure?”

“you mean, binge watching something in your room until 3am?”

he grinned and took your suitcase, bringing it to a taxi stop nearby. “you know me so much.”

who would’ve known? you who are living your boring life suddenly dating your favourite youtuber and now you’re in his room, in his embrace, cuddling with him?

even his touch still feels surreal to you and both of you enjoy every seconds of it

it worth your time

he is worth your time. 

going back and forth to south korea and him going back and forth to your place is not the easiest thing

who would’ve known, you’ll be living on another country with a guy and his trusty camera and his social platform that receives a lot of love by everyone?

well that happened and you two are so drunk in love 

thank you for reading!

i was writing this and it got deleted and i hope it still good despite me writing it in hurry :( and the prompt has been on my draft for 382910 years now omg 

[dazzling-ji]

aesthetic themed ask list

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

probably halo? still riding off the performance high tbh

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

can’t think of anything that i would want to know immediately that i couldn’t just wait for confirmation in prayer about...

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

so far? taking the steps necessary to actually pursue my dreams

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

kbbq with friends

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

probably tell my parents how i feel about them, same to my friends

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

not really. i have things i’d like to do, tho

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

as in a human being? um, she has obscenely small hands. her face is like shiny and red perpetually. she is tiny. she gets really excited over the smallest things, i.e. her cats or the sight of a corgi. lowkey highkey hates her hair unless it’s short. bane of my existence.

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

bruh i wish. literally still trying to console younger me with each day.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

lowkey cried in front of my therapist as i told him i don’t cry in front of people. idk if he noticed or not (IT’S CUZ HE KEPT STARING AT ME WITH THOSE BIG SAD EMPATHETIC BLUE EYES. I DON’T NEED EMPATHY!!!) but the tears were threatening and i was threatening the tears.

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

bruh, had to describe a human for the last one but this time i won’t. my best friend nam shin iii. because i love him and he’s great. wish he were real so i could teach him english and he could teach me korean and i could help him romance his girlfriend. 

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

i did when i was first meeting my therapist lol. i don’t trust people enough to do stuff like that.

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

probably ye olde tiny handed one. she’s the only one who would try to stay up that late with me. doesn’t mean i don’t have to deal with her sleep delirium.

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

it’d either be to myself or my mom. something along the lines of letting them know their worth.

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

they aight. blue eyes are really scary 90% of the time. brown eyes make more sense to me.

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“different doesn’t mean wrong” said by one of my late faves, who i honestly felt was a kindred spirit 99.999% best friend match to me. not gonna get into why the quote is so deep to me, all i’ll say is it allowed me to breathe.

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

indigko

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

pay off debts, travel, save, give to charities/church, save some more, maybe make a trust fund? 

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

with God, yeah. by myself? depends. i can be kind of hypocritical and times.

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

guess i know what to tag this ask meme now

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

punk for sure.

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

super cool. was thinking of getting either a septum or normal nose ring. wish tattoos made a bit more sense on dark skin, but either way they’re super painful so maybe i lucked out.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

i don’t. don’t wanna ruin my skin and i like the natural look over a beat face. i like people looking realistic if that makes sense?

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

so many people to talk about, but my ex-fave prince helped me realize i was ace.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

i wouldn’t. at least not rn, don’t have anything revolutionary to tell em. maybe something like “Please remember we’re dealing with human beings” or along those lines, because I’m tired of reading about racists and human rights violations who real life be forgetting that aside from differences in race/gender/sexuality/etc/etc we are all human and worthy of love.

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

stromae @ msg - super fun! wish the people behind me didn’t try to waste my time and sit at a dance music concert.

nai palm @ brooklyn (i forget the venue) - also super great. it was great to actually see her irl, and allowed me to realize i can actually socialize without too much problem.

garth brooks @ mercedes benz - yikes ppl in the south RLY like their country music huh?

kimbra @ brooklyn (also forget the venue) - LIVE MUSIC CAN BE SO EXPERIMENTAL AND FUN. kind of reminded me of what i’d heard seeing prince irl was like.

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

NYU - You have no outstanding balances. We have a $1 mil scholarship that will be applied to your account as of today. We love you. In fact, we’re gonna wipe away all your student loan debt and ensure no one in your family has to worry about paying for anything ever again in their lives.

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

my desk always gets cluttered with papers and stuff. but i really do prefer working at a desk rather than a bed. 

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

stall as long as possible until i REALLY need to go to sleep. grumble as i lazily brush my teeth and rinse my retainer. lie in bed and watch youtube for anywhere between 30 min to 3 hrs before actually turning off.

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

call me crazy, but i want my parents to know about me and *gasp* like what they realize. like lemme tell em i’m ace and have them not freak out, idk. 

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

blue or purple. but probably a wig or something impermanent. 

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

THE FAB FIVE. WHY AM I SO DUMB. we’d go makeover their next person on queer eye OR even better we’d just hang out

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

1. the aforementioned letter from nyu because i deserve it, ok?

2. a life i don’t feel like i have to run away from because i hate living like this but feel powerless to change it.

3. a cool best friend i could go cool places with, because i wanna go cool places

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

i cosplay’d as Taemin during the Ace era. It was cool because it basically was my style, so I felt super confident all day looking my best.

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

I do neither. But the craziest thing I did half-asleep was convince myself I could still talk to the aforementioned tiny handed weirdo and answer her questions though my head was firmly planted on my pillow and i was neatly tucked under my sheets. like i really thought homegirl could read my thoughts and find the answers she needed to her questions. 

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

like donald trump

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

maybe one person - i’d see myself the way God sees me so I wouldn’t be so powerless against my insecurities and the fake people in the world all the time.

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realize you’re in love.

idk? i’m ace and aro and very aesthetically drawn, so i really don’t know if i ever have. 

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

i prefer myself with longer hair tbh.

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

hot chocolate if i wanna blend in. otherwise a strawberry acai refresher. i trust any of my friends because it’s really not that deep.

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

gaining self-confidence so i can step more firmly into my calling.

fin.

[kyareureuk]

i got tagged by a few ppl for questions about yourself sort of tag memes over the past couple weeks so i did my best to compile some of the questions in one post,, @sufjoon @glossphie @joyhearts @7thxsense @nobodyelsewillbethere  thank you so much for tagging me!!!! 💕 i’m sorry if it took a while or if i missed anyone i really couldn’t keep track of who tagged me in which questions ahh

name: sion

nicknames: none

gender: none

sexual orientation: none. Gay

height: around 170 cm / 5′7″

age: 23

birthday: feb 24

star sign: pisces !

hogwarts house: my friends say slytherin and i would agree but i think i’d do alright in ravenclaw as well. for the record pottermore also put me in slytherin but who actually uses that as an accurate house sorter lol

siblings: a younger sister and brother

favorite music artists: this is so difficult UHhh i’ll just list some old faves and recent stuff but bts of course, los campesinos!, sufjan stevens, galileo galilei, everything everything, the national, bon iver, baths, primary, brockhampton, alex g, frank ocean, wednesday campanella, phoenix, gorillaz, run the jewels. idk i’m having a hard time remembering them off the top of my head and then narrowing down which are favorites

favorite song: i’ll believe in anything by wolf parade

last movie watched: avengers infinity war lol

last show watched: i dont watch television often uh maybe the office?

favorite 90′s show: cardcaptor sakura

favorite book: house of leaves

favorite fictional character: dio eraclea from last exile !

favourite food: eel, pasta, FRUIT, also i’ve only had it like twice but firni

favorite season: the transition btwn winter and spring

favorite flower: irises, lilies, wisteria

favorite scent: after rain smell / florals like rose, tuberose, gardenia

favorite color: deep purple, also black, blues, plant color greens

favorite animal: cats... foxes, a lot of animals in the mustelidae family

dog or cat person: cat but i love dogs as well !!!

coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: coffee in the morning, tea otherwise

drink you had last: water

instruments: i used to teach myself violin fjhgf but otherwise none

favorite pair of shoes: black boots

currently wearing: jeans and a sweatshirt

underwear color: black

average sleep hours: varies wildly

number of blankets you sleep with: two

lucky number: 24

dream career: novelist

dream trip: morocco or somewhere in south america or northern europe. also i’ve been to china and india but i want to go back to visit badly... my friend is moving to china to work at the end of the summer so i may go visit her. honestly i want to travel everywhere

worst habit: i have so many i’m awful at responding to calls/texts/emails and i’m always like slightly late to things no matter how much time i give myself to get ready. i pick at my skin a lot it’s gross and i hate it fjhgfh

jealous of people: not really.. im not a jealous person by nature

in love: i’m having a lot of trouble answering this one bc there’s too many things i could list...... idk! i love my friends and my pets and nature and all forms of art and the little things that make life worth living

love at first sight or walk by again: i’ve never heard of the second gfhg but yeah that. or like the feeling that it’s not love at first sight but it could be love with time... those feelings of love that you cultivate

easiest person to talk to: probably ,,, online friends or my irl bff but we don’t have many opportunities to really talk nowadays

last person you called: my brother

last thing i googled: gardenia bc i had to double check it was the flower i was thinking of

blog created: december 2017

number of followers: like.. under 100. i cant stand having more than that

do you have other blogs: no

do you get asks: sometimes

why did you choose your url: my current one is a transliteration of a sort of childish snicker laughing onomatopoeia that yoongi has used in tweets before like.. two happy bday tweets and also this selfie. it’s cute i’m a big fan of yoongi’s twitter laughs

tagging: omg this is a fake tag meme game thing so i’m not gonna tag anyone unless u want to do this.. in that case be my guest !!!!!

[hamburger-anon]

Are you ready to hate me? 1 through 50

I don’t hate you!! This did take forever tho lol1. Who was the last person you held hands with?Uhh I think my friend Abbey

2. Are you outgoing or shy?I’m a mix?? I’m shy with new people but not with friends and when I’m angry I’m not shy at all lol I’ll cut a bitch

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?@robot-anon

4. Are you easy to get along with?I like to think so lol

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?Uhh maybe @the-daisy-anon (bc she’s so nice) or @unicorn-anon (bc I feel like she’d be such a mom friend about it lmao)

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?Someone who isn’t afraid to stand up for something they want/are passionate about. Someone with confidence

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?Lmao no I’m emotionally repulsive

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?…………………..Davey Jacobs……….

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?Not really.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?I think it was @robot_anon?? Or maybe my cousin

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?Tecnically a Skype but whatever :“That was so stereotypical omfg” to @robo obviously

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?Once Upon a December from Anastasia Legit anything from RENT(it’s a Christmas movie, right?)Disappear from DEHYou Will Be Found from DEHRequiem from DEH….i like DEH.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?YES FFS YES PLEASE

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?Yes! Miracles are important to me and my faith!

15. What good thing happened this summer?Almost nothing lmao I went to South Dakota tho that was cool.

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?NEVER KISSED ANY ONE SO IDK

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?Maybe! I think it’s more impossible that there isn’t!

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?Uh no lol

19. Do you like bubble baths?I don’t really know! Our tub is small so it’s just bad lol

20. Do you like your neighbors?Yes! My next door neighbor is one of my best friends!

21. What are you bad habits?I bite my nails a lot and swear too much lol

22. Where would you like to travel?Sooooo much omfg

23. Do you have trust issues?Kind of?? It’s complicated lol

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?Putting on my makeup! It’s so therapeutic lol

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?My nose?? Idk it’s weird shaped and my side profile looks like a witch lol

26. What do you do when you wake up?Groan and slam the snooze button lmao

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?A tan would be nice lol I’m pale AF

28. Who are you most comfortable around?@robo and my close friends irl

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?Lmao what ex??

30. Do you ever want to get married?Yes please @God

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?God yes I have so much hair

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?Lol just 2?

33. Spell your name with your chin. Vydfsr

34. Do you play sports? What sports?LMAOOOOOOOOO

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?T.V. but can’t I have both lmao

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?Legit every crush I’ve ever had ever

37. What do you say during awkward silences?I usually babble about some dumb shit

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?…………………..Davey Jacobs……….

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?I love Target and 5 Below

40. What do you want to do after high school?English teacher

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?Depends in what they did to their first

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?I’m tired. Or pissed. Or sad. Any number of things, really lol

43. Do you smile at strangers?Most of the time I have a “Murder face” while I’m in public so people won’t bother me but I always smile at kids or if someone looks sad. Or if they smile first lol

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?Neither??? Both scare the shit out of me lol

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?The fact that I’m late

46. What are you paranoid about?EVERYTHING I’m beginning to think it’s a problem lol

47. Have you ever been high?Nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?Nope

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?Yeah I made a fanfiction account lmao! It makes me happy but I don’t think anyone in my real life would appreciate it.

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?I’m wearing a grey one right now!!

[nyaanko]

Get to know me tag game!

I was tagged by @gaainsborough thank you!!

Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people 20 people is a lot I’ll tag @g-riffth @yuurii and @bushidoblues if you guys wanna do it 😼 if anyone else wants to do it too please do and just say I tagged you!

LAST:

1. Drink:Water

2. Phone call: My baby cousin video called me yesterday it was so cute 💕💕 

3. Text message: To Vanessa 😘😘

4. Song you listened to: 数え歌 (counting song) by Amazarashi…. I’m only ever listening to them

5. Time you cried: I tear up a lot over sad things but the last time I forreal cried was when I came back to America from Germany… i missed my family and home so much and I came back to an empty house and lots of bad things happening all at once so I broke down and went to stay at my uncle’s house to ignore and forget about it all 😂

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: nope

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope

8. Been cheated on: no

9. Lost someone special: Not romantically

10. Been depressed: Not to get serious all of a sudden but honestly I can’t remember a time in my life when I was ever happy lol

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: I don’t drink 

12-14. LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: Dark blue, light pink, gold

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: online, yes!

16. Fallen out of love: Arima has retired to the hall of fame and Isshiki Satoshi has taken his place

17. Laughed until you cried: Not that I can recall

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah but it’s been years after the fact 

19. Met someone who changed you: nope

20. Found out who your friends are: What does this even mean

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I don’t have a Facebook but even if I did the answer would be no 😜

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Don’t have one

23. Do you have any pets:I wish!!! I want a cat so bad I think about it everyday 😿

24. Do you want to change your name: I don’t particularly hate my name but I don’t have an attachment or love for it either so I definitely would if it was free lol

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Slept the entire day!! Woke up around 11pm and ate cereal

26. What time did you wake up: Around 5am

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: 😪😴😪😴

28. Name something you can’t wait for: To buy some manga at Barnes and Noble for the sale 😳

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Like 10 minutes ago

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I wish I didn’t have such bad germaphobia because it’s stressful and tiring and makes simple things so difficult to do and also soap is expensive so I would like to be able to not use a bottle of it a day 😅😷

31. What are you listening right now: Amazarashi of course!!

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: hmmm… not that I remember.. but chances are I have since it’s a common name :o

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Not on my nerves per se but my sister is in Germany right now doing an internship and I’m so jealous!!! I think about it everyday and I’m getting jealous just typing this out!! I wanna be in Germany with our family too!

34. Most visited website: tumblr

RANDOM INFO:

35. Mole/s: Quite a few!

36. Mark/s: I have a barely visible birthmark in my leg that’s just a patch lighter than the rest of my skin and it’s shaped like South America and this mark on my wrist that’s like a pink circle but idk where it came from since I wasn’t born with it (aliens??? 👽🤔)

37. Childhood dream: I wanted to be King Arthur

38. Hair color: Brown

39. Long or short hair: Long. I wish I was cute enough to pull off short hair though!

41. What do you like about yourself: I like that I have an abundance of common sense and that I can figure out and do anything by myself. I like it since my family relies on me and they don’t do that with my siblings. It’s basically the only thing I get praised for haha

42. Piercings: Just on my ears

43. Blood type: I forget which it is but it’s the same as my grandpa’s

44. Nickname: Inessa or Inka or Žuta by my family. I’ve never been called by a nickname by a friend though! It would be nice~

45. Relationship status: Newly in love with Isshiki Satoshi 💖

46. Zodiac: Capricorn… almost everyone in my family is a Capricorn so I’m convinced they’re the best sign

47. Pronouns: she/her 

48. Favorite TV Show: I rarely watch tv but I love Historical dramas like Downton Abbey, The Medicis, Peaky Blinders, and crimes shows like Criminal Minds, SVU, X-Files etc…. Also Game of Thrones

49. Tattoos: nope

50. Right or left hand: Right

51. Surgery: Nope

52. Hair dyed in different color: I used to have blonde hair when I was younger, that’s why my mom calls me žuta (yellow)

53. Sport: Big no lol I only like sports in anime format

55. Vacation: I’ve been all over California and Arizona also Germany and Bosnia

56. Pair of trainers: Adidas!!

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: Mainly Bosnian food but I snack a lot since I’m always so hungry! Recently I’ve grown an obsession with mushrooms so I’ve been putting them in everything I cook~

58. Drinking: Water, milk, or tea.

59. I’m about to: Re-read all of Kii Kannas manga

61. Waiting for: Vacation with my family soon

62. Want: To live a life without having to work :^)

63. Get married: Its a nice idea but I’ve never liked someone and my standards are high so I can’t see it happening

64. Career: A life without working… that’s my dream career.. I’ve never been a person with a dream and I don’t get why people put careers on such a high pedestal.. I would definitely not work if I didn’t have to lol

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. Hugs or kisses: Neither!! Unless it’s coming from my family or a super close friend

66. Lips or eyes: Both are nice!

67. Shorter or taller: Taller

68. Older or younger: Older

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: I don’t care but I suppose if you have one you’ll have the other??

71. Sensitive or loud: ????

72. Hook up or relationship: I hate the idea of a hook up definitely relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant I guess??? But neither tbh

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: Definitely not

75. Drank hard liquor: No

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I would never loose something so expensive ;;

77. Turned someone down: haha yeah

78. Sex on the first date: ew no

79. Broken someone’s heart: Probably if they were serious… but also whoops not my fault really

80. Had your heart broken: Not romantically

81. Been arrested: nope

82. Cried when someone died: Yes

83. Fallen for a friend: no

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: I come off as confident because I don’t want people looking down on me but deep down no :( but if someone irl asked me I would say yes… I would only say this online

85. Miracles: somewhat

86. Love at first sight: A wonderful concept in fiction but not in real life!

87. Santa Claus: I’m muslim so I never have

88. Kiss on the first date: nope never

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: I’ve always hated this term but my closest friend is Vanessa 💕 and she’ll soon become my family too since she’s the sister of my soon to be sister in law 💕💕💕💕

91. Eye color: Brown

92. Favorite movie: Nge rebuild movies are my favorite by far but my favorite movies as child were Bicentennial Man and Camelot by enchanted tales so I think back on those fondly :’)

[evalocity]

Kind of game that isn’t one but anyway

I basically dared my bae Ria to answer a whole ask game so she dared me to do the same and that’s why this post was made x)) @itsmhayward ily xxx

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

On April 20th exactly. 

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

I want to know if my dreams (like of career and life) will become reality.

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Becoming an actual good person. Believe me you don’t want to meet 13-14 years old me .-.

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

Tonight as I was working for my parents’s company with this suuuper nice guy which is the soulmate™

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

Yup. I would drop cegep (oh gosh yes), I would try to meet my tumblr friends at least once, and I’m so doing a road trip in South Korea. I would also spend each days trying to make peace with myself and will message all of my closest tumblr mutuals and irl friends to let them know how much I love them.

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

Go to South Korea. Go to South Korea. Go to South Korea (Yes, I’m obsessed.)

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

He’s a christian martyr. He’s awesome. He’s been there for me all my life. His quotes are savage and soo true. He must be freaking done with my shit by now but I’m pretty sure he still loves me. I scare people when I say I love him cause they think I’m a crazy extremist. But if only they knew my headcanons about him and God (he has a crush on Satan I’m 100% sure), they would understand that guy himself will send me to hell. 

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

Until I was 8 years old yes ! My last happy times were my trip to Japan, then I was sexually assaulted and bullied and changed schools and became antisocial as I was homeschooled and shit went down. 

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

I cried in front of my parents when they confronted me on my career plans cause I was too stressed out (they were nice btw I’m just nervous 24/7)

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

Hot guy that worked with me this weekend. He loves astronomy, so do I, he’s bae, like let’s do this. 

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

Yes I would, I mean it depends on the situation and stuff, but I can imagine opening up to a stranger, human to human.

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

I’m pretty sure it was with like one of my irl friends, he told me he liked me and it got awkward so I went so sleep #woops

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

I would tell my mom that I lover her and my dad very much. 

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

Beautiful like any other color tbh

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“And know that I am with you always; yes, to the end of time.” - Jesus It basically means that I know the babe has to deal with my shit just as much as I do and it makes me feel less alone. 

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

“Trashy, messy, life of a wifey” I’m Orion’s wifey so I guess it counts right ? I just needed a rhyme :( 

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

Part charity, part for my parents so I know they’ll be okay when they are old, part me so I can do whatever I want, part bank so I can save some and I would pay a trip for my friends. 

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

I’m quite forgiving with my friends but there’s a line that if you cross it, you and I are done (mainly betrayal like idk why but people LOVE betraying me). I always give second chances but once that’s done I have no pity for you anymore and will not care. I like being this way tbh

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

Dear Élo, 

You just started high school ! It’s such a new world after homeschool isn’t it ? Try being nice with everyone, do NOT carry that heavy schoolbag on your back okay you don’t want a scoliosis, don’t befriend Delphine like omg babe don’t, don’t be mean to that boy ? I know you think it’s only a game but tbh it so wasn’t. Try getting dance and singing lessons ! Don’t participate to that school play like it wasn’t bad but wow we could’ve done so much better with our time rip x) Over all you’ll have fun :) Just keep your beautiful smile and work hard xx

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

Punk. Punk all the way. I tried to be pastel and it didn’t suit me that much.

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

Both can be super hot (#hotguyatwork) but I’m only interested in having my ears pierced in a lot of places, not really anywhere.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

Nope I don’t ! I don’t like lipstick cause I’m eating 24/7, I absolutely LOVE eyeshadow and eyeliner on eyes cause the eyes are what I find the prettiest on someone, and thats pretty much it.

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

BTS with their AWESOME lyrics that are just so true I’m shook.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

We’re all equals. 

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

I’ve never been to a concert rip

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

Hmm idk ? I’m a historian all of my idols are dead x)

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

I do, but like it’s a horrible mess so I won’t talk about it xp

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

Tumblr, writing, chocolate, milk, bath, sleep. Eeevery time.

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

I’d dye it in red and would have really straight hair. I’m “Punk” so yolo huh.

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

I’m choosing @jasonblossomsghost​ @itsmhayward​ @sugasugahanihani​ @nottodaygot7​ and I just decided I didn’t give a damn and that we will be 6 cause no way I’m choosing between @chocochims​ and @yooongigi​ I love y’all a LOT and we will go on an excursion to BTS’s dorm which will be quite entertaining and fun :’)) yolo

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

1. Fulfill my Dream™ because hum that’s the Dream™ ?

2. Be able to communicate with God by tumblr texts because omg that would be LIT and I need God’s advice more often and more clearly than with signs

3. Date hot guy idk if he’s my soulmate™ but I need this relationship 

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

Yeah there’s definitely none. I wanna be Poison Ivy :3 

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

Badtripping quite probably. I thought my brain had switched and that I was going to be crazy for the rest of my life while being unable to ask someone to kill me. I thought I would never see my mom again. I felt the information going through my nerves and I had 1000 thoughts/secs which gave me the worst headache. Never agaiiiiiiiin

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

Selling my body. Yeah no thanks. 

storms: you only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

This is the worst question ever :( I’ll only listen to Silver Spoon by BTS I think :( But I’ll regret it. Wow rip I really hate this question.

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

I literally fell in love tonight (jk, like 50% jk 50% idk but damn) anyway when I think about a future with this person I know I’m in love. 

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

Nah I dont think so. I did a year ago and now I’m team long hair for a while.

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

I don’t go to Starbucks that much so idk.

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

My tumblr friends.

I’m daring the people I tagged in the excursion to do it ! If you don’t it’s fiine :3

[twasonceahuman]

aaaaansweeeeerrrr ttheeeeemmm aaalllll theeeeeennnn 8D

all 100...of course you would xD

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?- tried all 3 but Spotify won.

is your room messy or clean?- usually clean but right now it’s a dump, trying to get my life packed up- we’ll ignore that I have not even started

what color are your eyes?- hazel, but they appear brown because they are brown in the middle and green on the outside

do you like your name? why?- yes and no, only because everyone spells it wrong.

what is your relationship status?- errr. complicated xD

describe your personality in 3 words or less- introverted, odd, shy

what color hair do you have?- dark brown

what kind of car do you drive? color?- don’t drive

where do you shop?- Woolworths *the joke is that it’s a grocery store

how would you describe your style?- whatever fits over the tits

favorite social media account- TUMBLLLLLLRR BOIII

what size bed do you have?- king single

any siblings?- 1 older brother, 1 younger brother, 3 older stepbros, 1 younger stepbro, and 1 older stepsister

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?- probably England because at least shit happens there and it’s not hot.

favorite snapchat filter?- anything to hide my acne

favorite makeup brand(s)- probably maybelline but I don’t wear makeup much anymore, will probably get back into it going to school again

how many times a week do you shower?- 7 days

favorite tv show?- DAAS Kapital, South Park, Red Dwarf, Doctor Who, The Adventures of Lano and Woodley

shoe size?- fucking 11 mate- THAT’S THE BIGGEST SIZE OF WOMEN’S SHOES THEY MAKE!

how tall are you?- 170cm so 5ft 7

sandals or sneakers?- thongs mate

do you go to the gym?- HAAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHA

describe your dream date- doing something fun like going to an arcade or mini golf- as long as theres icecream involved :3

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?- 40 cents

what color socks are you wearing?- i fucking despise socks

how many pillows do you sleep with?- 3, two for the head and 1 for a cuddle buddy 

do you have a job? what do you do?- I did, I was a waitress

how many friends do you have?- maybe 3 or 4 online? irl- none xD

whats the worst thing you have ever done?- I accidently broke a girl’s wrist once by tackling her at touch football practise *fyi: you’re not supposed to tackle in touch football, you tag them xD

whats your favorite candle scent?- I don’t like candles, but anything vanilla would be okay I guess

3 favorite boy names- ain’t telling

3 favorite girl names- still ain’t telling

favorite actor?- Ewan McGregor yasssssssssssssss

favorite actress?- hmmm- this one is harder to figure out. Idk

who is your celebrity crush?- just one? Obvsly the DAAS boys, Matt and Trey, Tom Hiddleston was one for a while back, Danny JJ is still good but I’ve kinda moved on with RD for now. I’m not a normal 20yo cause I can’t think of someone I have ever had a crush on celebrity wise that was anywhere near my age- plus these are more like platonic crushes because of the huge age difference xD

favorite movie?- Ironically I just found out I follow a girl with the same fav movies which is fun- so that’s Moulin Rouge and Anastasia, but recently I’m loving Spin Out (Tim’s movie), Orgazmo, Cannibal the Musical and Baseketball ;D

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?- I did when I was younger before technology ruled the earth *pffff* but not so much now. Current faves are Housemeeting by Lano and Woodley and Carry A Big Stick by Tim Ferguson.

money or brains?- Brains 

do you have a nickname? what is it?- My family call me Beka but I hate it, but the only nickname I have besides that is Plum/Plummy and Kate calls me that :3

how many times have you been to the hospital?- I’m surprised I haven’t been besides when I had ‘digestive problems’ when I was a toddler. I’ll let you think whatever you want with that

top 10 favorite songs- Enjoy the Silence- Depeche Mode, Big Time- Peter Gabriel, My Weakness- Moby, Muchacho- Kings of Leon, Lemon- U2, Here She Come- DAAS, The Only Thing I Know- Gotye, Deep Surprise- Samantha James, Solsbury Hill- Peter Gabriel, and for the shits, Shatterproof- Trey Parker

do you take any medications daily?- the Pill OOOOOOO spoopy

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)- combination

what is your biggest fear?- heights, medical stuff and death

how many kids do you want?- maybe 2 or 3, that’s if I feel up to pooping them out.

whats your go to hair style?- straighten my fringe and brush my hair

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)- medium, but I’m moving into a share apartment with just a room and bathroom soon

who is your role model?- currently Tim, just a really nice dude and someone to look up too

what was the last compliment you received?- can’t remember

what was the last text you sent?- schit. “this whole scene is full of beautiful tim” I’M MAKING DAAS GIFS OKAY I GET SIDETRACKED XD

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?- probably about 9? maybe earlier?

what is your dream car?- idk I’ve never really looked at them, something on the smaller side though

opinion on smoking?- fucking disgusting

do you go to college?- nope, TAFE soon, but no uni.

what is your dream job?- concert film director, i’m coming for you Anton

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?- suburbs

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?- not really, sometimes the moisturizers cause they are good to have when travelling

do you have freckles?- yes, everywhere unfortunately

do you smile for pictures?- depends on how I feel

how many pictures do you have on your phone?- 471

have you ever peed in the woods?- this is Australia, if you don’t live in the city, everywhere is the woods.

do you still watch cartoons?- depends on what qualifies ;D

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?-      we don’t have wendy’s here, so maccas

Favorite dipping sauce?- sweet and sour

what do you wear to bed?- currently in summer its a shirt or singlet with shorts

have you ever won a spelling bee?- I won my class spelling bee once

what are your hobbies?- singing, dancing, drawing, making gifs (even if they are killing me rn)

can you draw?- not really but I give it a crack

do you play an instrument?- I used to play drums and trumpet for a while in school, but I can only really play notes on pianos now

what was the last concert you saw?- the DAAS Live show is the only thing I’ve come close to a concert- because CERTAIN bands and singers won’t come back to Australia T.T

tea or coffee?- tea but I wouldn’t mind coffee if it didn’t make me ansy anymore

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?- We don’t have either of these- there’s Starbucks in the cities but no DD.

do you want to get married?- yes but finding someone is the hard part

what is your crush’s first and last initial?- abcdefg...

are you going to change your last name when you get married?-yes

what color looks best on you?- I think maroon.

do you miss anyone right now?- Katerina D:

do you sleep with your door open or closed?- WHO SLEEPS WITH THEIR DOOR OPEN?!

do you believe in ghosts?- not really

what is your biggest pet peeve?- people dirtying places I’ve just cleaned.

last person you called?- my mum when she was babysitting my niece.

favorite ice cream flavor?- Mint Choc Chip :3

regular oreos or golden oreos?- I just had regular, and I haven’t tried golden

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?- Chocolate

what shirt are you wearing?- a plain greyish blue one

what is your phone background?- Paul sneaking behind Tim

are you outgoing or shy?- super shy

do you like it when people play with your hair?- yassssssssssss

do you like your neighbors?- no they are all old and like to do yard work or home improvements at godless times of day T.T

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?- whenever I shower, but I tone it every morning and night

have you ever been high?- definitely not

have you ever been drunk?- still dont drink so no

last thing you ate?- oreos xD

favorite lyrics right now- “You don’t turn me off, I will never fail. Things I loved before are not for sale. Keep yourself away, far away from me. I will forever stay your Perfect Enemy.”

summer or winter?- winterrrrrrrrr

day or night?- nighttttttttttttttttt

dark, milk, or white chocolate?- milkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

favorite month?- july

what is your zodiac sign- scorpio

who was the last person you cried in front of?- my dad