#I literally started watching as a high school freshman its been going on forever

[stargirl230]

you’re my hero!

bnha doomed yuri was not on my 2024 bingo card

(no reposts; reblogs appreciated)

[atlabeth]

nightmares - mike munroe x reader

summary: It was a deal made by two almost-friends in the early hours of the morning after the worst night of their lives, when they realized that all they really had left was each other.

a/n: so this is once again. not my normal content but ive been on an until dawn kick lately and fell in love w the characters all over again. i dont know if anyone still reads or writes for this fandom but. here u go. enjoy

warning(s): lots of cursing, canon typical violence, mentions of graphic violence/death (but nothing too descriptive), mentioned depression, insomnia, and alcoholism, some heavy themes but its hurt/comfort so it ends in fluff

wc: 4.8k

You were running.

You were running, and it was freezing — fuck, it was freezing.

You knew your surroundings; how could you ever forget? Every fucking moment on the goddamn mountain was engraved into your mind for what you assumed would be the rest of your life, an assumption that had since been proven correct.

And now, against your will, you were back. Of course you were back.

A shudder ran through your whole body as that all-too-familiar screech rang out behind you, each second of it like nails on a chalkboard in the worst way. Your lungs burned like all hell but you couldn’t stop — if you stopped, you were as good as dead.

Some part of this fucked up thing was almost funny. Humans were always boasting about how they were the top of the food chain, how they were the height of evolution. There was nothing to keep an ego in check like being hunted by a supernatural creature.

Any thoughts of bullshit philosophy were dashed from your mind as you took a hard right, nearly falling over from the sharp curve of the mountain but just able to catch yourself. Your heart was thundering in your chest, the beats nearly lining up with your sprinting. You felt an intense urge to turn around, try and gauge your chances, but the thought of slowing down for even a second terrified you. It’s not like you needed to anyways — you knew exactly what was after you.

You were nearing the end of your road, both literally and figuratively. You stumbled over a tree root, your hands splayed out in front of yourself at just the right angle to keep your momentum going and, in some feat of luck, stay upright and running.

But your luck had just run out.

Your senses were proven correct as the harrowing cliff edge came into view, and a thousand things screamed in your mind at once as your demise stared you right in the eye. You barely managed to catch yourself, very much aware that the snow falling into the void could’ve just as well been you.

That fucking screech again, even closer than before, and you whipped around as you took an instinctive step back. Your hands patted around everywhere, searching for something to defend yourself, but you had nothing. No gun, knife, even the ground around you was devoid of rocks.

You had nothing. You had nothing to defend yourself from this goddamn nightmare creature, and you were going to die.

Your eyes darted around wildly in an attempt to find something, anything, to save yourself, but there was nothing. You took another step back and felt your foot slip, your breath catching as you barely managed to save yourself with a twist and a lunge away from the edge. The shock of the ground and the cold against your skin was just enough to remind yourself that you were actually alive. Another pile of snow mimicked the fate that seemed imminent as it trickled over the side of the cliff, and you screwed your eyes shut as you tried to shut your mind up.

Think, goddammit, if you wanted to get off of this fucking mountain you had to think—

The screech that pierced through the night sky was far too close for comfort, and as your head snapped back towards the woods you swore that your heart stopped beating.

It had caught up. You were out of time you were going to die but you didn’t have anything and you were going to fucking die—

A flash of white pushed off a tree and lunged towards you, teeth bared as it emitted that horrible screech. You didn’t even have time to scream, completely frozen in place as one clawed hand reached your neck, and you braced for the moment of release.

You shot up in your bed, breathing rapid and unsteady with a barely contained cry on the edge of your lips as your hand instinctively flew to your neck. You heaved an almost strangled sigh of relief to know that your head was still attached to your body (it might’ve seemed obvious, but… your head wasn’t exactly on straight at the moment, all jokes aside) and collapsed against the headboard.

You ran your hands across your face as you tried in vain to calm yourself down, ultimately having to turn on your lamp to ease your troubled mind that there was nothing going thump in the night.

It had been this same routine almost every night — horrible nightmare, wake up crying or screaming or both, and start the day at 3 am because you couldn’t fall back asleep.

It was exhausting. You were exhausted.

You knew you couldn’t go on like this, but what choice did you have? Therapy had been mandated by the police for a certain amount of time after the incident, but… it’s not like it had helped. How could it, when no one truly knew what you had gone through?

Well… that wasn’t completely accurate.

One person knew what you were going through, and you hadn’t said as much as one word to him since that night. You didn’t really… know what to say.

Hey. I know we’re not all that close, but I’m sorry your girlfriend and all your friends were killed by a Wendigo and that I made it instead. Hope you’re not going insane with grief. I’ll send you a card at Christmas!

...yeah. You had no idea what to say to him after months of no contact.

The relationship you had with Mike Munroe was a strange one, to say the least.

None of you were the same after that night on the mountain. The horrors of the mines would be forever entrenched in your head, flashes of the Wendigos appearing every time you closed your eyes. You and Mike were the only ones who made it off, and the guilt you carried everywhere was a burden you knew you couldn’t shoulder. And even after the physical scars had faded, you knew the mental ones never would.

Sometimes you wondered how you had even managed to get involved with the group in the first place — bonds that had been made in your freshman and sophomore years had somehow managed to stay strong enough throughout the rest of high school, strong enough to cement your spot in the friend group and the yearly lodge visits. You liked them all well enough, enough to go up to an isolated mountain with them for a weekend or so, but… yeah. Sometimes you did wonder what the hell you were doing with them.

But now?

Now, you would give almost anything to hear Sam’s laugh or one of her compliments, or tease Ashley and Chris about their very obvious feelings; hell, you found yourself missing Matt’s useless football facts. And even though Emily and Jessica weren’t always the nicest, you still had managed to worm your way into their hearts. Knowing that you would never get Emily’s brutal but helpful advice or get dragged to a football game by Jessica again?

If someone had told you the difference between life-long trauma and a completely normal existence was that blonde girl with the braids in your biology class, you might’ve thought a little harder before accepting that party invite.

The days after you were rescued from the mountain passed in a daze, questions and interrogations from police never sticking for too long. And it didn’t even feel like it mattered, the way none of them seemed to believe you.

They kept you separated from Mike throughout the whole process, and you were only able to catch glances of him when you were being transferred to different rooms throughout the long process. It really was like something out of a horror movie — a group of teens go up to a lodge in the woods, and only two return with a story of unspeakable horrors — and rather than try and work out what had happened, they seemed intent on pinning the deaths on you and Mike.

As if you weren’t dealing with enough after watching your friends get murdered by the monster of another friend, the people that were supposed to be helping you were instead trying to charge you with them. If it wasn’t so fucking infuriating, it would’ve been laughable.

The worst part? You could hardly blame them.

When you took a second to listen to yourself, to what you were spouting to the police, you sounded insane. If you hadn’t witnessed it all first hand, you wouldn’t have believed yourself.

You told them to go down to the mines. That the thing that killed your friends would be down there, and they could see it for themselves.

You didn’t know if that was the right choice. Hell, you might’ve been sending those cops to their deaths. But it was the only way you could think of to get them to believe you.

(You doubted they would go down there anyways. What was the word of two crazy college kids over actual logic? Not much, you imagined.)

You were in that damn interrogation room for what felt like forever until you were finally taken to a hospital to get your wounds treated. But even in the hospital bed, police were by your side asking about what happened every day of your stay. After your discharge, you were forced into custody until they got information that they deemed satisfactory.

By some miracle, you and Mike weren’t charged with anything. The news might’ve gotten hold of your story, but you didn’t know. You didn’t want to know. You didn’t ever look at the news after the tragedy, too afraid that you would see the smiling faces of your friends staring back at you, or pictures of you and Mike with news anchors trying to talk about how involved the two of you were.

If there was one thing worse than going through hell, it was other people trying to make a profit off of your spiral.

Your friends’ families offered their condolences, but not much else. You didn’t hold it against them. Your survivor’s guilt was strong enough to know exactly why they didn’t reach out further.

(You blame yourself for their deaths, after all. Why wouldn’t they?)

It was the same situation with Mike.

Maybe you had purposefully drifted apart from him, trying to build up walls of your own so that he wouldn’t be able to spring it on you first. You assumed he hated you after what had happened, and he had every right to. You might’ve helped each other through the night, but you had no other option. Now, everyone else but you was dead — people he cared about more than you — and you just couldn’t face that.

But as you stared at yourself in your bathroom mirror, you realized that you might have to.

You looked awful.

Weeks of sleepless nights were catching up to you, appearing in the form of

hollow eyes and dark circles, along with a slight discoloration of your skin. The scars from the mountain had mostly healed, but there was a particularly nasty gash on your cheek that was still showing — it wasn’t doing you any favors in the ‘looking completely normal and sane and not severely sleep deprived’ department.

You splashed some water in your face to try and wake up a bit, but the slight drowsiness that followed you everywhere seemed to be a permanent part of you now.

(It was almost funny, in a way. You were so paranoid and alert all the time, unable to fall asleep, and yet it was all you could think about in moments like these. You wondered when irony had become such a staple in your life.)

You had tried talking to therapists, your friends, your family, even searching the internet for advice on what to do after a life changing traumatic event. Nothing had worked.

The simplest solution had come to mind more than once, but you had pushed it aside with the determination to work through this on your own. But now, staring at yourself and seeing how much you had deteriorated…

You had to go talk to the only person who would understand.

~

You had considered turning around more than once on the drive over.

Because, really, what the hell were you doing? Showing up at his doorstep in the middle of o dark thirty because— because what?

Because you had a nightmare?

He had gone through the same thing you had, probably even worse. Losing Jessica right in front of him, having to cut off his fingers to get free, spending countless hours alone, dealing with the nightmare that was the sanatorium, and then…

Well, you had been in the mines with him and Josh when it happened. There was no doubt in your mind that the scene replayed in his head endlessly, just like it did for you.

Showing up… it was going to be a mistake. You knew it was.

For all you knew, Mike had moved on already. He was stronger than you, he always had been. Maybe your presence would send him spiraling once more, or maybe it would just earn you a verbal beating like no other. Mike had always been nice enough, but the trauma you had endured was enough to turn a saint into his own worst enemy.

You didn’t know what would happen. You didn’t know anything, and as you turned down his street you regretted more than ever not keeping in touch with him. Maybe then you wouldn’t be in this situation, scrambling after your last hope for salvation after slowly killing yourself over the past few months.

But there was no chance to turn back now, because before you knew it your knuckles were rapping against his front door.

The pause between your arrival and a response was so long that you considered leaving and pretending like this never happened, but just as you began to step back the door swung open.

You didn’t really know what you were expecting, but… he was there. The only other testament to the horrors of Blackwood Pines, and maybe the only person that could help you through this.

“...hi,” you murmured, swallowing the sudden lump in your throat as you looked the personification of your shame in the eye.

Mike blinked a few times, whether to try and wake up a little or out of surprise from his visitor you didn’t know, but it was a few seconds before he responded in kind. “...hey. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you around.”

You chuckled dryly as you nodded. “Yeah. Sorry for the sudden arrival. I’m, uh… I’m kind of surprised you even opened the door.”

He huffed out a short breath in a facsimile of a laugh. “Not getting much sleep these days.”

“That’s something we’ve got in common.” You crossed your arms across your chest and let out a loose sigh, eyes wandering around in an attempt to think of what to say next. It should’ve been so easy, but… but for some reason, it just wasn’t.

“Guess so.” That awkward silence stretched out once more, neither of you knowing how to fill it. Thankfully, Mike continued to take the plunge, but it wasn’t without a slight barb. “What are you doing here?”

“I—” you stopped just as you had begun, because you really didn’t know. You had come here for help, but could Mike really do that for you? He was the same as you — a fucked up teenager trying to deal with something so far beyond him.

“I don’t know,” you admitted as you made eye contact once more. “I… I really don’t know. I’m out of options, and… I can’t keep going like this. So I came here to talk, or— or to try and get some help. I don’t know.”

That same silence filled the air once more, the night ambiance the only thing in between the two of you. You missed when that silence used to be comfortable, but… you could only blame yourself for it.

“So— so, what?” he asked, the beginnings of a frown starting to crease his brows. “You just— we go through all that together up there, and then when we get back down you don’t say a word for months. And now— now, out of nowhere, in the middle of the night, you just show up and ask for help?”

“God,” you muttered. When he put it that way, it was true. It was ridiculous, to expect his help after the way you had just left him to deal with it all on his own for a reason borne of your own insecurity. “You’re right. This was— this was stupid. I’m sorry.”

You had already turned to go when you felt a calloused hand on your shoulder, causing you to stop in your tracks.

“No.” His voice was surprisingly soft as he sighed, stepping back with a shake of his head to make room in the doorway. “No, I—” Mike paused for a moment, as if he couldn’t find the right words to say. “I’m sorry. You can come in. Obviously, you can come in.”

Your eyes widened slightly as you tried to hide your shock at the gesture, but you weren’t about to turn it down. You nodded, and he stepped aside to make space for you to walk in. When you did, you were met with a mess not unlike the one back at your apartment, save for the beer bottles. Clothes were strewn about haphazardly on every surface, so you took a seat on a clean spot on the floor, leaning back against a chair and pulling your knees up to your chest. You actually preferred it this way — it was grounding, in a literal sense. Mike pushed aside a laundry basket and did the same, but pulled one leg up and let the other lay extended.

“Why?” he asked suddenly, breaking the silence that had been accumulating once more. “Why did you just…” he gestured around with his hands to try and get his point across but ultimately settled with a sigh. “You didn’t say anything. You didn’t try to text, or call, or write, or— or anything. Hell, I would’ve probably jumped to get a messenger pigeon from you. But it was just… radio silence.”

You picked at the dry skin on your thumbs as you tried to come up with an answer. “I… I don’t know,” you repeated. “It was stupid, and it was horrible of me to leave you alone. I mean… I don’t know why I did it. I know what I’ve been going through, and I know you’ve been going through the same. So I don’t know why I didn’t try to reach out and see how you were doing.”

He chuckled mirthlessly as his eyes swept over the empty bottles that had accumulated on the coffee table. “I’m not the best with alone.”

“I know,” you said quietly. “I thought…” you shook your head as you looked at the ceiling. “I thought that you hated me. I know that you cared about them all more, you were closer to all of them, and… and I thought you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. That I would just always be a reminder of what you lost. And… and, I don’t know. Maybe it was my way of trying to move on. Was a stupid fucking idea, though.”

That got a genuine laugh out of him as he ran a hand through his hair. “I guess I get that. I dunno why I didn’t try to talk to you either. Maybe since you didn’t say anything, I didn’t want to either. This whole thing fucked me up.” His gaze moved to you. “Fucked us both up.”

“You can say that again,” you muttered as you tapped your fingers on your knees. “I can’t look anywhere without seeing them. I mean, I see that fucking…” you grimaced. “I see Josh, and I see what that thing did to him, and I just— I’m right back to step one.”

He swallowed hard and nodded. “...yeah. That was seven layers of fucked up.”

“You can’t just keep saying everything was fucked up,” you said dryly. “It was shitty, too.”

Mike snorted, some kind of slightly masochistic humor going on between the two of you. “Nothing really gets the point across like fucked up.”

“Guess you’re right,” you finally conceded with a small smile. “This is… this is nice. I’d almost forgotten what it was like to… I don’t know, to talk to someone like this.”

“It is,” he murmured.

Another pregnant pause hung in the air, but the silence wasn’t as uncomfortable now. Trickles of what it used to be like, of your old life, were beginning to poke through.

“I never hated you,” he said suddenly. Your eyes flicked up to meet his, and it was like his brown eyes were piercing through you as he continued. “I never did. After it happened… yeah, I was mad. I was fucking pissed, but it was never at you. You were my friend too, y’know? Even though we weren’t that close, we were still… we were still something. And I’m glad you made it. I just wish you hadn’t convinced yourself that you had to go through this alone. Maybe things would’ve turned out different, these past few months. For both of us.”

You nodded, choosing to avert eye contact first because you almost couldn’t handle the sincerity. Your heart sank a bit at the sight of all the beer bottles, and you knew that he was right. Maybe things would’ve been different if the two of you had weathered it together from the start. And so you said that.

“I still can’t help but feel like I’m to blame for—” you gestured around at the mess with a sigh, “for this.”

“Look.” His voice was raspy as he ran a hand through his disheveled hair, and as he met your eyes once more you were able to see how truly exhausted he was. With dark circles that matched your own, scars that were still healing, and a certain hollowness behind his eyes… It was like looking in a mirror. And it made you realize how fucked up the two of you had really become.

Mike had always been good at holding himself together, putting up his signature egotistical-douchebag-jock act in the face of anything that threatened to tear him down, and more often than not he came out victorious. But not even class presidents were immune to the horrors that they had faced, and it was taking more of a toll on him than you had realized.

“It’s not your fault. You— you did everything you could; I know I’m still alive because of you. Besides, we were idiot teenagers — we still are — and none of them deserved to die because of it. Not Hannah, not Beth, not any of them.” Mike shook his head and sighed. “Not even Josh. Man was fucked up even before all of this, but he didn’t deserve what happened to him. He needed help, but instead he got his fucking… god. I can’t even say it. But he didn’t deserve it.”

You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, the subconscious process having stopped because of the weight of his words. It was cliche, but you didn’t know how much you needed to hear those four words: it’s not your fault.

“Maybe you should be my therapist,” you joked weakly. But as you let your eyes trail back to Mike you bit your lip. He hadn’t included himself in that statement, and it wasn’t too hard to figure out why.

“Mike… it wasn’t your fault either. You’re not just saying bullshit to try and make yourself feel better, it really wasn’t your fault. What do they say? ‘Getting through your guilt is the first step to recovery’ or some shit? You deserve to be here just as much as I do.”

“But it was,” he insisted. “It’s easy for you to say that. You tried to stop it, I… I just went along with it. Fuck, I started it all. Hannah and Beth went missing because of me, Josh went out of his fuckin’ mind, and if he hadn’t brought us all back up there for his revenge plot then they wouldn’t have died. How is it not my fault? Why do I get to live when all of them died because of me?”

“Mike,” you sighed. “I… I don’t know. I don’t know why we made it back when none of them did, but it’s not your fucking fault, okay? You— yeah, that prank was fucking stupid, but— but how could you know what was going to happen?” You huffed a laugh that was only slightly unhinged. “People pull pranks all the time. Native American legend cannibal spirit things don’t try to kill people all the time. You can’t keep blaming yourself. It’s not going to help them, and it’s not going to help you.”

That silence stretched out once more as he took in your words. You didn’t know if he believed them or not, but you did. That had to be worth something, right?

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” he muttered, breaking the silence once more. “And I… I don’t know. I don’t know why it took almost fucking dying from those goddamn things, a— and seeing what happened to all of them...”

“I don’t know,” he repeated, leaning back against the foot of the sofa. “All the shit that happened, all of them dying — I don’t know how long it’ll take until we’re okay again. Hell, I don’t even know if we ever will be okay again. What happened up there was fucked up in the worst way, and the fact that no one believes us makes it a hell of a lot worse.”

You chuckled darkly as you cupped one hand in the other. “You can say that again.”

His lips twitched for a moment as if he wanted to smile but ultimately thought better of it. “I know we aren’t that close anymore, but the truth is we’re the only ones on this fuckin’ planet that know what really happened up there. We’re the only ones that will ever really understand what happened to us, and… and I think we’re the only ones that can really help each other through this shit.”

He met your eyes once more, something resolute in them. “So the next time this happens, because it will, if you don’t want to be alone… you can come here. Any time, any day, no questions asked. Just knock on that door, and I will be there. No more isolation, no more trying to get through this on our own. We gotta be there for each other, because we’re all we have.”

You nodded gratefully, a feeling of warmth slowly creeping through your body with his reassurance. “Thank you, Mike. You… you have no idea what this means to me.”

“I think I have some clue,” he murmured.

As you exchanged weary smiles, you saw a faint twinkle in Mike’s eyes. He was always the kind of person to help others, even if it was for the wrong reasons, and that was one thing that stuck with him after the disaster. And in that moment, a long lost feeling washed over you — safety.

You hadn’t felt safe in… well, it seemed like forever. Adrenaline and pure instinct were responsible for getting you through those twelve hours, along with an overwhelming wave of numbness and denial. But once all of that wore off, the nightmares had begun. Your friends, the Wendigos, the mountain itself — anything and everything that your mind could use against you, it did.

It was a living hell. You could hardly ever sleep anymore, horrific images always jolting you awake after an hour or two and keeping you awake for the rest of the day. It was no wonder Mike had ended up with a drinking problem — it was probably the only way he could sleep, the only way he could bring some form of peace to his mind. By some miracle, you had avoided that fate, but… you would be lying if you said you hadn’t come close.

But somehow, for some reason, you could tell that things were going to be different. Now that you and Mike weren’t avoiding each other anymore in the name of painful memories… you felt like things were going to be okay. Or as close to okay as you could get these days.

You weren’t alone, and neither was he.

He had saved your life on the mountain more than once. Now, he was saving you again. Just in a different way.

-

perm tags: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77

ud tags: @kwyloz

[semischarmed]

Clarity

My hot roommate Zach is the perfect man. I think I won the cosmic lottery when we got paired freshman year. “Roommates for life!” he shouted, as he wrapped a tone arm around me in a side-hug. I chuckled, of course. Who knew the cutest guy in our dorm was such a dork. I remember that moment vividly, committed every last detail to memory. In what he likely only barely remembers, I recall to the last detail. I play it back often -even moreso, nowadays: The crisp autumn breeze. The filtered sunlight through amber trees, bathing us both in golden afternoon. The warmth of his touch, and the unintended taunt from his arm pulling me towards him and his jacket ever so slightly wrapping over my back. The slight, dense smell of coffee wafting from him and his minty breath cutting through. Thats how I remember him. Warm. Sincere. Safe. Zach would probably say that was the moment we became best friends. I, on the other-hand, would say that was the exact moment when I fell for him.

We did everything together from then on: Ate together, joined the same clubs, signed up to the same classes- that first year we were inseparable. Best friends to a tee. I’m not even sure what he saw in me- the guy was a hell of a lot more sociable than I was. He could literally find anyone else on campus, yet I had the privilege of being his roommate and friend. I commit that wonderful first year to my life. It is my happiest year to date. I commit that version of Zach to myself as well.

Trouble started early in our second year. He spent all summer back home, hanging out with his high school friends and his brothers. When we finally met back in our new room, he seemed distant. Still, I made the effort, getting closer and closer to him every day. He’d been sending signals too, I think. A stray touch, just a half second too long. A lingering stare in my direction. A gentle smile when I ask him a bout his day. I had to know for myself with certainty. 

So, one terrifying October night, I asked him straight up.The fucker laughed. Cruel, hideous, insensitive laughter. I’d never felt more alone in my life than when he laughed at my confession. That broke something in me. I quickly ran to my bed, crying myself to sleep. Without skipping a beat, Zach left the room to grab a bite to eat, seemingly unchanged by my outright confession. I had never been so humiliated in my life, yet only he would ever know. Still I felt him hold that over me in the weeks to follow like a dark cloud. Of course he’d still offer hangouts. He’d ask for help with some dumb assignment or try to get me to open up by faking some issues about himself. He was mocking me. I felt his sneer, ever-present from behind. Thats when I began researching alternative methods to exact what I needed from him.

Why a private university had a book like this is beyond me. It was a spellbook. A dangerous one, at that. All manner of incantation and processes regarding the human soul. I poured myself the next few weeks on its pages religiously. Translation is a massive pain in the ass but it gets done.

“Love cannot be created by spell,” it stated. Leave it to a fucking book to let me down too. I wiped away stray tears until I caught sight of the last batch of spells. I sighed at its contents. Fine. I couldn’t make him love me through magic, but I could have him the next best way. His body. The final section of this book of spells is, of course, the curses and enchantments required to possess another being.

———

The preparations have been made. It’s another late, awkward night in our room, where he just passes by, gives me a nod and a grimace and then heads to bed. This night would be different. I chant the words. The price is steep. Half of my body’s lifespan for the ability to take someone over in their sleep. That’s the one I settled on. Of course, there were more permanent spells outlined, but this seemed to be a happy medium.

The magic is dark in nature, and I feel the cloud over me deepen. I feel myself detach. It’s weightless, but grounded. Makes sense, given the purpose of this spell. I watch my target and lick my astral lips. There he was, happily dreaming without a care in the world. I study every curve, like sculpture. He is muscled, but tone. Zach likes to sleep with his shirt off, so I get to see what powerful chest up close. I watch as powerful lungs, drawn in air before gently dispersing it. Perfection. I watch that beautiful face lie still in a satisfied smile. Angelic. This body is power, incarnate. My power, soon.

I follow closes until I am but inches from his face. I stir around him, slightly. I want him to know it’s me. Bleary eyes open and he gives a weak smile when he sees me. “Dude-” the smile quickly fades to shock. “Wait what the fuck...” in sinful glee I push into my man. He involuntarily absorbs my particles, my spirit. He tries to push me away, to get me off him. Hands are useless to stop me. I phase through them with no resistance. His breath quickens as he begins to panic. This only further brings me into him, as he is forced to breath in the only air around him-me. 

Then, he starts choking, trying to force the parts of me in him out. I am unfazed. Instead, in I keep filling into him until all of me is inside. This is the way we were meant to be. He pulses and convulses and chokes while I align myself into him. I revel in Zach. In being Zach. Despite all the shit he pulled this year, he still is perfection. My perfection, now. 

I command his lips mine. “Invoke me. Become me. Manipulate this body. Explore us. Stay, in me. I want you here, forever.” They’re not words he usually uses. I rile in a frenzy when these phrases leave his lips at my behest. When his voice becomes my own and I make us moan. When his body complies with my every whim. When Zach’s flesh is mine. It is euphoric. Orgasmic even. I intend to follow through, to reward it. To pleasure it. God it feels good being in him. Being him. He may not love me, but love me he will, even if indirectly. Every waking moment I spend inside this man will be a moment of him loving himself, loving me. Now, And then I feel it. I clutch my head in pain. Zach.

Veins strain in his forehead as he puts every last effort to exorcise me out. Resistance almighty in this body. In tears I feel myself stripped from momentary heaven. He chokes as a dense fog that is me escapes his mouth. He is successful.

When I am kicked out of his body abruptly, I flare in anger. How could he do this? How could he? I look back at my slumbering form. No matter. My resolve is steel. Somehow, somewhere deep inside me, I knew somewhere it had to come to this. I chant the final curse mentioned in the spellbook. The price is the steepest of them all.

I watch as my physical form dissipates. I writhe as I am renewed with newfound energy. Potency. Virility. I’ve put in everything. Everything I ever was into becoming him. Zach would be mine, no matter what. 

Before he can readjust, before he can even think about what had just occurred, I flood back inside my man. Inside my body. My one true body, now, given what I had to sacrifice. I make him smile while he takes me in. Smile in preparation of a new, permanent driver. I thrust my astral form inside its new home. It’s warm. Roomy. muscular. We make this body grin, shout, cry, writhing all the way in its sheets in our battle for control. I’m not even sure he knows what he’s doing when he fights me- but he always was a natural in everything he picked up. I feel our shared muscle contract and relax as it is forced to accept its two masters- soon to be one. Soon to be me. Zach’s soul was strong but no one was a match for the full force of an entire human body-turned-spirit. I feel his soul start to lose footing. Jackpot. Immediately fill take its place. My place.

I was far deeper in Zach now than I was before. His essence struggles, trying to escape me but I keep us steady, hold us tight. Our minds begin to connect this time around and we sync. The book said this was a necessary step. I blink away our tears into a satisfied smile. Our face is flush from the fight, flush from my greatest victory. “You’re mine forever,” I think to myself, My words. The verbalization of my invasive thoughts in his head- they’re spoken in his tongue. In his jock-like inflection. I even now think in his voice. Of course, it’s relatively minor in the grand scheme of things. Yet it is undeniable proof. The finality of it all. Proof that my body no longer existed in this world. Proof that for me, forever, Zach would be my default. Just one last step to it all. One last push- I’ve already given this much, there was no going back. I would displace Zach as the true owner of this body. It’s as the final line in the book states: “Encapsulate their soul, devour it, digest it, make it yours. Then, true control at long last.”

Tears stream down our shared cheeks as we both realize the true gravity, the true consequences of my actions. We are synced now, but I haven’t yet completed the process. So, our emotions are a mix. So, it’s bittersweet. He’s mine. We’re one. I’m finally with Zach in a way most intimate. Despite it all, he isn’t fighting back. Why?

I rage inside him, wanting him to be mad, wanting him to hate me, to give me justification my ultimate transgression. He offers none. Instead, I am hit with borrowed clarity. More of his memory floods into me and I begin to cry. 

I watch my every worst moment through his lens, relive the demons of my past and yet, from his perspective they never looked quite as dark or traumatic as I had made them out to be. Even my confession itself, my initial catalyst, had merely been a blip in Zach’s mind. If anything, he had been more concerned that his own nervous laughing was the cause of my spiraling. I quickly realize how much wasted time I spent, building up Zach into this god in my head. My god. In the end, he was human after all.

I feel Zach pull instances of himself from my memories in turn. It turns out he had many, many insecurities as well. Many moments where he needed validation or support. Many moments, even in recent memory, where I had never picked up on on his fear and self doubt. An offhand comment here. Some self-deprecation there. Of course, stupid me always there to respond by telling him to quit joking around. I felt the months of torment he felt in my coldness after my confession. He wasn’t making fun of me or being an ass, he wasn’t even patronizing (well, he wasn‘t trying to at least)- he thought he was losing a friend. The guy was just a bit oblivious. God I was so dumb. Of course, he blames himself for my eventual actions. Poor guy. Zach didn’t deserve any of this- he never did. “Thank you” he cries in new clarity.

In mental tears I begin to undo my connection to him. It’s not something he had the capacity to do himself- I made that a reality when I used my physical form as tribute. I know the price which must be paid, for my greatest sin, born from misunderstanding. There wouldn’t be much left for me- the price for the spell was my physical body after all. It didn’t matter. I made that choice for myself when I recited the spell. But Zach... he had no choice at all. He still had a chance at a life. A life well-lived with knowledge and confidence gained from my memory. It was the least I could give him.

I begin to drift away as I balance the cosmic scales. I detach the last of myself from Zach, ready to give him back his body, ready to return him to his life. It’s merely a reverse of the process from before, yet it all feels lighter somehow. I take it as a sign of karmic justice. Of course, I am scared. Who knows what awaits me? Maybe I can find another body to inhabit. Maybe one in a coma. Maybe i’ll be reincarnated. Maybe nothing. Maybe I’ll just vanish on the spot...

Zach doesn’t give me the chance to find out. I feel his astral hand holding on to mine. His face is sympathetic. Kind. Warm. Like it used to be. Like it always was. His body leans up to pull me into a warm embrace. I start crying in spirit. “You, you don’t have to do this-” 

“I know” he says. He pulls me tighter. “Roommates for life, remember?” Now he’s crying. “There’s no way to go back- we both know that, but you still got a life to live-we both do.” He smiles as he guides me to himself. I reattach to him. We weave our souls as one. “C’mon man, I told you I grew up sharing a room.” I am a complete mess of emotions at this point. Unworthiness, Love, Relief. I feel his mess too. Neither of us knew where to go from here, but we both knew we’d face it together.

The experience was sobering, to say the least. We cried together that night. We cried at newfound realization. We cried at irreversibility of what I had done. Hell, we even cried at the extra rent that had to now be paid. I had no way of undoing what I did, and Zach wouldn’t let me go. In the end, we decide to just give it a go, a resolve to live as one person. “Zach 2.0,” as he jokingly put it. Dork.

———

“A happy accident,” is what Zach called the events of that night. He always was the optimist. Although, these days, I’m a bit of an optimist now too. I am Zach now too, after all. All things considered, we’ve done quite well together. Zach 2.0 was everything. We were smart, intuitive, confident, compassionate. We’ve made this body the healthiest it’s ever been. Hell, together we even graduated with honors, something neither of us could ever hope to do alone. Both our parents were real proud of that one- he told mine at my funeral that we had been together and we’ve been in close contact ever since. By no means were we the perfect man though. There was no perfect man. We’ve had our share of fights, struggles, times where one of us would take full control of this body we share, shut the other out.

Once in a blue moon, we both dream of what our lives could have ended up as, had I not done what I did or had he let me disappear that night. In retrospect, I really do think my life had a lot of things going for it. Hindsight is always 20/20, as he likes to say. I saw many an opening, so many areas for improvement that my younger self was blinded by in lust and perceived betrayal. There was so much life I could have lived, had I just not opened that stupid book. I don’t dwell on it too much though. We’re both quite happy sharing this body. I’m living in one body with my crush, whats not to like?

The first few months were quite jarring. Our friends and family would see us happy and outgoing at one moment and then flip to quiet and reserved on a flip of the switch. Gratefully, they been patient with us, assuming it was the byproduct of a grieving boyfriend. The more years I grow with him, the more alike we have become. Sharing one body and living one life tends to do that. I’ve probably rubbed off on him a little too. He’s just a bit more analytical now, a bit more perceptive, and I’ve learned to let loose every once in a while. Altogether, we make a great team. We’ve even managed a slew of relationships along the way. Hell, he’s even gone out with some guys-no doubt a byproduct of my soul being a part of him. Of course, in the ultimate cruel twist of fate, they never last- he tells me “none ever match me”. Well of course they can’t. I’ve lived every moment with him, felt his every thought, lifted him when he was up, consoled him when he was down. Ironically, in a roundabout way, the spell did end up causing love, causing for him to fall for me- at the cost of us never being able to be a couple in the physical sense. Guess you really can’t have it all.

In the few years we spent together my love for him has only deepened. I know he feels the same way. We are one person, after all. All things considered, it’s not a bad setup. If love on the physical plane happens, it happens, and if it doesn’t- then we still always have each other. Regardless, I’m sure we’ll find someone out there for the both of us, someday-there’s that optimism again. Of course, we don’t pine for it. Our main focus has always been each other. Growing together. We’ve got a whole life yet to live. And he’ll have me with him every step of the way. And we can’t wait to face it all, together.

-End-

Eh, it’s a bit underdeveloped but I’m not a novelist and I didn’t want to spread this out over parts. Going for something a little different with number 14- hope y’all like it!

[alreadyblondenow]

When December comes | Hendery

✦ Hendery x reader x Lucas ✦ Fluff, Smut, Angst, Royalty AU, Nutcracker AU ✦ 3/5 for HOLIDAY SERIES: Once Upon A December

Summary: As an adopted legitimate princess and future queen of two kingdoms, you grew up proving yourself that you deserve the role that has given to you. Nothing is simple about being an adopted princess but being arranged to marry Prince Hendery turned your life upside down.He left you, eventually. And by the time he came back to your life, you have a loving boyfriend, and Prince Hendery…. is arranged to be married to your sister now.  

Word count: 8,690k

Warnings: adopted reader (if thats triggering at any point, please click away) A lot of smut, unprotected sex, mentions of sex, swearing, mentions of other idols, fingering, mentions of rough sex, heavy cheating, major character death

A/N: PURE FICTION. This is a love triangle fic but not much focused to Lucas, more on Hendery. Inspired by a bunch of royalty movies, especially princess diaries, Nutcracker (ballet), inspired by the song Satisfied from Hamilton. Love writing for Hendery so much. Check my recent post for Hendery’s thirst photos whahaha, as per Lucas character here idk I always see him as sweet and lovable and he always knows what to do. The guy has serious good leadership skills if you haven’t’ notice and i think its sexy. I’m glad this didnt reach to 10k bc u know me i hate my works being long af haha enjoy reading mwa!

For @jeongyoonohs​ sorry it took me so long to finish this :( But this is for you! 

OPENING

Once upon a time, in a kingdom not so far away, ruled by a king and queen who can’t have a baby no matter how many times they’ve tried. The sad news spread all over the kingdom and caused chaos everywhere mainly because they were scared for the fall of their beloved kingdom.

But the king is wise. He made an alliance with the kingdom of his truest friend and together they helped each other’s kingdom by making an agreement. “I can’t have a child, but my queen and I have decided to adopt a baby girl,” the king says to his fellow king.

“And my wife is carrying a baby boy”

“It’s settled then. My adopted daughter will be arranged with your son, and someday be married to each other” They shook hands and made the agreement official by sealing it with their signatures and royal seals in front of their queens.

The kingdom that lost their trust with their king is now calmed relieved after hearing the great news of the two kingdoms having an alliance. And to fully earned their trust again, they searched far and wide for a baby girl that will soon be the future of their kingdom.

“And that baby girl is you my darling” your grandfather finishes his bedtime story to you. Caging you in his strong arms, cradling you like you’re truly related by blood. “Grow up as a fine woman and save this kingdom” he added. You embraced your grandfather back and smiled so sweetly at him, tracing his handsome features… then you remembered.

“Tell me the story about the Nutcracker prince,” you singsong to him. He doesn’t tell you the original story, but instead, he always tells you his version and it’s always better. His embrace became tighter, then he looked at his expensive watch to check how many minutes does he have left.

“Okay. I only have a few minutes left, princess” He started by introducing the Nutcracker prince to you which is actually magical because even though you’ve heard of this so many times it never gets old and you’re always excited to hear it again.

He described the prince as a soldier like him, but a younger version he says with a giggle. And that Nutcracker slash prince slash soldier is made specifically for you so that one day, the two of you can rule two kingdoms all at once. “Why do I need a prince?” you pout, and your grandfather is startled by your question.

“Well, jeez, I don’t know. I’m sure you can still be a fine queen without a prince, right?” he says while tucking you in and preparing you for bed. “But let’s just say that princesses like you need a proper man like the Nutcracker because… grandfather will not always be by your side” of course he can’t mention death to you, no, you’re too young to know about these things. So he kissed you goodnight on your forehead and promise to see you early in the morning again.

Growing up as an adopted princess was never easy because the eyes of a judging kingdom have always been against you and your family. That’s why as you grow up, you swore to yourself that you will prove them wrong and that you are the future of this kingdom. At a very young age, you made your parents proud of your gift of leadership and continue to make them proud by doing great in school.

Until one day, the queen finally got pregnant.

The kingdom became so busy about the queen’s pregnancy and literally, every person is excited about your baby sister. You were only nine years old and you were innocent as you can be so you don’t know that the attention is slowly shifting to your baby sister. You didn’t mind of course, again, you were just a kid. But as you grew older and older you can finally foresee a life behind the shadow of your baby sister. The real princess. It’s like she took everything from you… but whenever you remember that you’re adopted, it seems like she’s just taking what’s originally hers in the first place.  

Today is your thirteenth birthday and you celebrated it with your grandfather in an amusement park. He is the only person left in your life who can see you as a rare gem and you’re thankful for him. As you walked around the busy park, with a few bodyguards on your sides, you and your grandfather laugh and laugh while you’re eating hotdogs on a stick.

“Your father told me that you refused to have a ball for your thirteenth birthday? Why?” he asked while enjoying his food.

“I’m not a real princess grandfather, I don’t deserve a ball. And besides, riding that scary rollercoaster is better than dancing with a bunch of princes whom I don’t know in the first place, and playing dress-up the whole night”

“Hmm. Don’t you say that you’re not a real princess, there was a Y/n before your baby sister. And the kingdom is still looking forward with you ruling us someday because you’re older than your sister and you’re still a legi-“

“timate daughter, I know, I understand grandfather thank you for reminding me” you wiped the ketchup on his lips and smiled at him, “What will I do without you? I hope that my Nutcracker prince is exactly like you. Wise and strong”

“Don’t worry about that darling, you’re still young, and I’m still here” he giggles and walks you towards that scary rollercoaster ride.

ACT 1

Things slowly change around the castle and you learned to distant yourself from your parents but not forgetting your duty as a first born and legitimate adopted daughter of the king and queen. And as you enter royal high school, you thought that your life will get uglier but no. Surprisingly, school made you feel alive and less of a princess and more like a future leader.

But most importantly, you finally met your Nutcracker. Prince Hendery.

Usually, prince and princesses meet for the first time during a royal ball, soiree, or a simple lunch at the palace’s garden grounds. But you and Prince Hendery, met in the school hallway for the first first time. It is as if your whole world slowed down, every student walked in slow motion while you and Hendery locked eyes on each other. And the best part is, he did not know that you’re the princess who’s meant to be forever with him.

At first, you don’t talk to each other and just simply exchange smiles and glances from time to time whenever you cross paths in the hallway, eating at the cafeteria, or ‘reading’ at the library. You thought it wasn’t fair that you know everything about him but he doesn’t even know what you look like.

“You know I’ve been flirting with this princess for months already, do you know her name?” Hendery whispers at his fellow prince, Xiaojun, and told him to take a look at where you’re seated. Xiaojun then scoffed at his friend and playfully slapped Hendery’s face knowing that he is completely clueless about who you are.

“I don’t know if you’re always going to be this dumb, you’re going to be a king someday. Anyway, that princess is Y/n. The Y/n” and that is all it takes to make Hendery realize that he has been flirting with his soulmate for weeks now.

From there on the prince has become bold with his gestures. Sitting with you during breaks, even flirting with you in front of your friends and his friends. Prince Hendery has the most beautiful smile you have ever seen, hair is black and soft and you bet it smells good either, he was tall but just right for your height. Not only he was perfectly handsome, but he is a gentleman too. In other words, everything about him screams prince charming.  

You and prince Hendery were the talk of royal school. Everyone knew about your arrangement and the alliance of your kingdoms. You even hear people talk on the hallways that you’re literally made for each other that’s why everyone envied you.

“Let’s grow up first, okay?” Hendery says, giving you a single rose during your school’s Valentine event. A simple gesture that says there's no need to rush on being in a relationship and make everything official between the two of you but also, it was a subtle move to show everyone that you already belong to each other so there should be no competition.

You fell in love with each other from a distance, not rushing through love, taking your time, and enjoying your youth because you have a lifetime together. Although, Hendery likes reminding everyone that you’re his in the most subtle way, may it be hugging you in public, kissing your cheek before you go home, and smiling your way whenever he sees you around the school.

From freshman year until your senior year, you and Hendery waited until you’re both legal of age to finally make it official. The news was all over the TV, tabloids, articles, and magazines that you’re in love with each other. It was a cute high school sweethearts story and every day was perfect.

Senior year just started and you and Hendery decided to study together but the planned study session became a make out session, giggling and cuddling in his bed while still wearing your uniforms. The prince was looking at you, admiring your pretty face touching your features softly then suddenly he noticed that he can almost see your breast. He looked away, of course. And covered his head with one of his pillows as he groans in frustration.

“What? Why?” you asked, completely clueless. He didn’t answer you, instead, he covers your exposed skin with a small pillow. “Oh shit, I’m sorry” you apologized immediately and became shy like him too.

“It’s okay. If I’m being honest I wanted to touch you but, I knew better than that. Can we promise to be each other’s first and last?”

“You mean sex?”

“Exactly, sex”

“Only if we seal it with a kiss,” you bite back in a flirty tone, looking at his pink lips that are slowly coming closer to you. When your lips touched, you returned the kiss and swing your arms around his neck, situating him accidentally in between your legs. Skirt lifted and all. Your bodies are becoming warm in an instant and you both know you need to stop before you make wrong decisions.

“How's that for a promise? Let’s get married when we grow older and have sex every day” he bit the shell of your ear, making you giggle and laugh with him. Being this horny with each other is normal, you thought. You are both young and full of passion, and it amazes you how Hendery wanted to wait until you get married and be kings and queens.

Senior year is perfect. Every day.

Until one day, Hendery’s father died and he stopped coming to school. You hear different kinds of gossip every day. 'Is he a king now? That's why he's not coming to school?', 'School is boring for king Hendery now', 'Are they gonna be married soon?', 'Are they even ready to rule yet?'. Again, you were the talk of the nation. The headline ‘Prince Hendery left Princess Y/n’ was everywhere and you can't do anything about it. You weren’t hurt that he left everything, you were more worried because maybe he’s all alone and grieving. You wanted to ask his family but you respect their privacy.

“So he just left?” you told your grandfather everything. He just came back from his cruise around the world and you’re happy to see his visible tan lines, for sure he had a great time.

“Yep, just like that grandfather,” you walk shoulder to shoulder around the palace’s garden, looking at the flowers and harvesting some fruits.

“Well, I’m sure he had his reasons. Just stretch your patience my darling, you know what they say, love is patience” he pats your hand before picking a lemon. “Enough about the prince, I heard you are making quite an impression now. The king is beyond impressed” he was talking about your win, elected student body president. Apparently, it’s a big deal for your father, because, during his stay in royal school, he was elected as president too.

“I didn’t try too much, I think I won because of my popularity and not because of my leadership skills” you once again doubted yourself but of course, your grandfather is here to straighten you up.

“Show them you’re both. Popular and a great leader”

It was always a good talk with your grandfather, but whenever you remember that Hendery is not with you anymore it automatically makes you sad. You missed him. So much.  

ACT 2

But even though you missed Hendery and it’s like he took a part of your heart and brought it with him, life goes on. You faced Senior year and showed everyone your perfect smiles like nothing is bothering you. But at night, when you’re all alone, you just can’t help but look at your pictures with Hendery on your phone and miss him.

Life goes on.

With or without your prince.

You studied day and night, kept your eyes on the prize, and busy yourself until your heart is finally healed. You waited for him of course, you waited long and hard but you can’t wait forever.

As you continue to know yourself, get involved with a lot of organizations in college, your journey has become even more thrilling when you met Lucas. He’s not royalty nor does he came from a rich family, he’s “just a man who’s brave enough to ask a princess on a date” his exact words.

Lucas is a whole new adventure to you. He’s the epitome of new things and new experiences. But your favorite thing about Lucas is, he can make you forget that you’re a princess even just for a few hours. He made you happy every day because he never forgets to tell you that being happy is the most important thing in this world. He loves you with every part of his being. And he’s ready to face your world and be with you in every step until you become queen.

“N-no I don’t want to be king. I can be your butler and still love you for all I care” he covers your naked body while you both come down from your highs. Tonight is one of those nights that you can be with Lucas without having your bodyguard. He was praising you during sex, calling you ‘princess’ or ‘my queen’ whenever he thrust and pushes you on the edge, so you asked him a stupid question if he wants to be king. “I just want to be with you, people may see me as a gold digger once the news that you have a commoner boyfriend comes out, but we both know that’s not true right?”

“Of course, not” you embraced him and apologized for the question, hiding your face on his chest. You feel his big hands caress your back to comfort you and soon plant kisses on your temple. He’s always sweet and gentle like this. If only people would see the kind of person Lucas truly is.

“But what if he comes back? What will happen to us?” he was talking about Hendery. When Lucas knew that you’re arranged to be married to Hendery, he didn’t take it lightly. He was mad but not to you. You didn’t talk for weeks and you’re both heartbroken, but Lucas realized that it's better to love you fiercely now than waste his time worrying about the future.

“I will talk to my father, don’t worry about that. Wong Yukhei don’t you trust me?” you kissed his chest to put him back in the mood and change the subject. Of course, he can’t say no to you.  

After getting your degree in college, you started working for the king and queen, spearheading foundations, and knowing the kingdoms that you’re going to rule someday. Remember when you thought your parents will forget about your existence because they had your sister? Well, that didn’t happen. Your parents were proud of everything you’ve achieved and they wanted your sister to follow in your footsteps.

Slowly, you proved to them that you don’t need a king to rule this kingdom. Introducing Lucas to your parents did not go well at first but eventually, they saw that you and Lucas are happy with each other despite having different worlds.

Still, they want to keep your relationship hidden.

It’s Christmas Eve and you’re all dressed up right now, ready to shake a lot of hands and dance with a bunch of princes and dukes and god know what else but you can’t help but take care of a few things before you enjoy this night. You were signing some last minutes contracts and reading proposals when you heard a soft knock from your door, “S-sorry. Come in” you see your boyfriend dressed up in a tux, looking so handsome. He smiled at you before he enters and closed the door behind him, “well you look dashing” you put your pen down and crossed your arms.

“I’m here to pick you up your majesty, the guests are waiting downstairs and your grandfather-“

“Oh he’s here! Perfect!” you exclaimed and express your excitement upon hearing that your grandfather is here. You haven’t seen him for a very long time and you have lots of stories to tell him. “Oh shit- by the way. Lucas, uhm… Can you zip my dress, I forgot I unzip it because it was uncomfortable. Stupid ball gowns” you said, turning your back to Lucas and waiting for him to take care of your zipper. But before he zips you up, he kisses your exposed shoulders and massaged them.

“Don’t forget to have fun tonight okay? I’ll be watching you like a hawk the whole night- well actually, not you. The men that will dance with you tonight” Because Lucas has no rank or title, he can’t earn a dance with you because it’s against the conditions that your father gave.

“All done your majesty,” he says and stepped back to open the door for you.

Every Christmas Eve, throwing an extravagant ball has been your family’s tradition for centuries. It is known by royalties across the globe and this fancy Christmas party is actually part of your kingdom’s history. Different respective kings, beautiful queens, annoying princes and princesses, dukes and duchess are invited and all are here not only to have fun but also here to talk business with you.

The night goes on, dancing with a few guests before you meet and spend some time with your grandfather. You wanted to whine and complain to your assistant but she’s just doing her job so you shrugged it off. “How many more left?” you asked while waiting for the next Prince to ask to dance, “two more your majesty. Your grandfather is next after this” you smiled and thanked her, giving a bow to the next prince who’s about to dance with you. And the moment you lift your head to meet his eyes, you thought you were dreaming.

For a moment you forgot proper princess etiquette and gave Hendery a tight hug, shocking everyone at your behavior but they’re even more shocked about Hendery’s appearance. ‘The son of the dead king has finally shown himself’ you hear everyone murmur around you but you don’t care. You smiled so big seeing that handsome face again. He kissed your hand and asked you to dance which you accepted gladly, now that Hendery is back and you’re all dressed up wearing your tiara, you feel like a real princess finally meeting his prince in a storybook.

“Where have you been?” you whispered to him.

“I’m sorry I left you like that, I was devastated” he whispers back as you two dance in the middle of the ballroom with the other royalties, trying so hard to hide the excitement. While you were dancing with Hendery, you remember that handsome smile that made your knees weak, his sweet gestures to prove his feelings for you, and your promises to each other.

Is it really true that first love never dies or your love for Hendery was just too strong that it never died?

When Hendery was about to hand you over to your grandfather, your father and mother came out of nowhere with your younger sister on their side. Is it because they’re happy to see Hendery too? Or are they going to press you regarding the arranged marriage again? You cling to your grandfather as you get nervous but careful not to show it. “Ah! Hendery welcome back! How was your time in the army, good?” your father exclaims. So all this time he knew where Hendery is.

“I had a hard time your highness, but I made it back in one piece” Hendery answered and made a small joke that made you all giggle and let out a small laugh. Oh you missed him.

“Hendery, I want you to meet Y/n’s younger sister” you watch him kiss your sister’s hand, “and also your future bride to be”

You were completely taken aback by what you just heard and the words that came into your head were, ‘I thought you were mine’ but you didn’t speak your mind and listened further to what your father is saying. But as you listen more, you feel like your dress was becoming tighter and tighter in every second that you can’t breathe anymore. “She will be your queen in your kingdom, and Y/n will be an independent queen here” your father explained proudly.

“But she’s too young” you pointed at your sister but you see how your sister’s eyes are sparkling. Too late. You thought. You watch her be charmed by Hendery’s visuals, that damn smile captured your sister’s heart in an instant.

“Hendery can wait until his bride is in the right age to be married, right son?”

“Of course your highness, it’s my duty” he answered confidently.

After the unexpected talk, you excused yourself, went to your room, and breathed outside on your balcony. You can’t forget your sister’s face as she looks at the man you used to kiss and you used to love. She has no idea what controversy she will face in the future, she is so young and blinded by infatuation…Or maybe you’re being like this because you’re jealous.

“Believe me I’m just as shock as you are”

A familiar voice made your heart race and your body stiffen in no time. You turned around secretly hoped that you’re wrong, but you will never forget his voice and also how his mere presence makes your heart excited. “How did you get in here?”

You hear him scoff and stood behind you, “We used to make out a lot in your room-and mine too of course. I still remember the way to your room by heart” he looked up the stars to stop himself from looking at you. You looked so beautiful tonight that he can’t stop blushing and admiring you.

You were silent. Mainly because you don’t know what to say and you’re not sure what to feel either.

“It’s going to be fine” with all his courage he tried hugging you like how he used to when you were only teenagers. But you pushed him away and stepped away from him. Hendery felt a slight pang in his heart, he never thought that you could do that to him.

“Were not together now don’t you get it? You were gone for years Hendery, a lot has changed”

“You’re hurting me, this is not our fault we love each other what's wrong with that” he reasons out, trying to lower his voice because someone might hear him.

“Loved. Past tense. My sister likes you and you are arranged to be married to her Hendery” you close your eyes as you remember what happened again earlier.  

“If I have known that life will take you away from me, I shouldn’t have wasted my time and showered you with love and affection when we were young”

With a heavy heart, your first love left you in the cold night with a confused mind.

ACT 3

To make it up with your grandfather, you spend Christmas morning with him while drinking tea by the palace garden and telling him numerous stories about Lucas…and also your talk about Hendery last night.

“Don’t do something stupid that your future self with regret” he says, stirring his coffee and chewing his bread with jam. He was talking about cheating, he didn’t tell you exactly but you get it. “Did you tell your boyfriend already about what you felt upon hearing your sister’s engagement?” You shook your head and see your grandfather get disappointed but he understands that everything that’s happening now is not easy for you.

“He’s away, for now, left first thing in the morning to go to Hong Kong for his family” you felt hopeless again.

“Oh everything will be fine. I’m sure he will understand, that man is wise. I’m rooting for him” he says like Lucas is his son.

“What- really not Hendery?” you let out a laugh because your grandfather is cute.

“Nope. Now, don’t ask me why. Figure it out yourself” he winks and continues to eat his breakfast.

As days go by without Lucas, you and Hendery continue to meet each other accidentally whenever he visits your sister. You’re a busy woman, but your mind seems to have time to think whether they kissed already, hold hands, or admitted their feelings to each other if there's any.

You saw flowers on your way to your office and you thought that maybe it's for your sister, from Hendery and you can’t help but to get envious and jealous. He used to give you flowers back when you were in high school and now… he’s doing it to your sister too.

While you were reviewing proposals, you got a phone call from your personal phone and it's Lucas which you’re very excited to answer. “Hey” you singsong, putting the phone between your ear and neck while you continue to scan through papers.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch, everything okay back there?”

No. You wanted to tell him that you’ve been having these weird feelings towards Hendery. “No, baby. Everything’s fine, I’m working now… As usual- how's everyone there?”

“They miss you. They wanted you to visit next year” he says, breathing deeply before he continues. “Listen, I want to stay here for a little longer. I miss them too you know-“

“And it’s fine! Baby, I understand. You’ve done so much for me already, go and be with your family” you felt guilty for caging Lucas in your country. Even though he’s the one who wanted to stay here, still. You can feel that he’s homesick sometimes.

After working in your office, you went straight to your room and purposely skipped dinner because you knew that Hendery is still here. When you opened your door, the same flowers that you thought Hendery gave to your sister is sitting on your coffee table with a small envelope that has your name on it.

Dear Y/n,

Back when we were in high school, I gave you a single rose for Valentine's day and I told you, “Let’s grow up first”

Now that we're all grown up, and still obviously madly in love with each other, I will not hold myself back from loving you. Not anymore.

I’m sorry for leaving, please give me a chance and meet me at the back of the palace at midnight. I’ll be waiting.

H.

Bold of him to think that you’re still madly in love with him. How can he say that?

You look at the letter as you grow weak and let yourself flop on your couch, face first and still undecided if you’re going. Frustrated and guilty, that’s what you’re feeling ring now. Frustrated because you don’t know what to follow, your heart or your mind. Guilty because your heart says you should go.

At the end of the day, you find yourself walking in the dark on your way to the back of the castle to meet Hendery. Hugging yourself as you cling more in your thin cardigan, trying to keep yourself warm as you feel your heartbeat faster by every second you come closer to the meeting spot. You see Hendery at the back of a thick tree, face illuminated because of his phone screen. “Oh you’re here. Sorry I was about to ring your phone” he admitted.

“Why am I here? What do you want?” You asked in the softest way possible. He saw that you’re shivering and invited you to go around the tree. There you see a blanket and small pillows and the lake was perfectly lit by the moon. What a beautiful view. And while you were admiring the view, you feel him place his jacket around you and motions you to sit on the ground with him.

“Please for once let’s pretend I didn’t leave you. I didn’t want my father to die, I didn’t expect our kingdom to suffer. And you’re the only good thing that’s left to me. So please”

You looked at him for a second that soon turned into minutes. You bit your lower lip and you remember that you weren’t mad at him for leaving, so why are you mad at him now?

Slowly, you accepted the warmth that he offered and sat close to him, sharing the blanket and keeping you close. “You’re here to hear me apologize sincerely” he gulps before he starts talking and explaining why he left, looking into your eyes so you know he’s telling you the truth. He told you that his father’s last will is for him to join the army and to be a soldier because in his father’s eyes he’s not yet ready to be a young king so he didn’t have a choice but to leave.

You were heartbroken while hearing his part. “I was never mad at you for leaving. I was worried about you”

He smiled sweetly at you. The kind of smile that makes your body warm and heart flutter, he pulled you close and you let him. “I know. Mother told me you were looking for me, but she can’t tell you anything. I told her I’m the one who should tell you someday. I’m sorry” he embraced you tightly, his cheeks resting on your shoulders. And right then and there everything is clear to you. You still have feelings for him.

“What are we gonna do now? My sister, Lucas” you asked him as you rake away strands of hair from his face.

“I’m not in love with your sister” he admitted without hesitation.

“But I love Lucas” there’s that guilty feeling again. You feel your heart breaking for Lucas, he doesn’t deserve being cheated on like this.

“I thought you were mine” he whispers. And even if it's a whisper the hurt was obvious from the sound of his voice. He didn’t see it coming. He didn’t think that this will be more complicated than he imagined.

“Funny. I thought the same thing when my father told us you're enggaged to my sister” you admitted and scoffed.

“Give me a chance to win you back. And if you're not coming back to me, just let me be with you for a little longer. I beg you”

There was a moment of silence and Hendery understands that you needed that silence to think, “Okay” you said. And saying ‘okay’ never felt so wrong. You cupped his face and tried to turn this moment around, “what's it like to be away from home?”

“Sad. I think of you every day and of course my family but they get to see me but you... not even a picture just our memories in my head”

Now that Hendery is a prince slash soldier, you remember the Nutcracker story your grandfather used to tell you for bedtime. That’s when you realized that you and Hendery are truly made for each other.

But you have Lucas...

As your night with Hendery continues and makes up for lost time, the emotional reunion turned to giggles and laughs when your time together has ended. He invited you over to his own house for a date since he can’t take you out like he used to, and reminded you that you gave him a chance to win you back, and thanked you.

On the next day, your mind was blanked. You can’t believe that you’re cheating on Lucas and have been refusing to answer his calls.

Days went on like this until you’re not awkward with Hendery anymore and you’re comfortable again around him. He showered you with love, you accept it wholeheartedly. Every day was sweet with Hendery even though you’re both aware of the future consequences but no one seems to care for now.

You go to his place and spend time with each other, whether talking the whole night and telling each other stories, him making you giggle and laugh with your legs on top of his thighs while you both sit on his couch enjoying a glass of wine or whenever you’re busy reading something or you brought a little work at his place and he can easily take your stress away by making you laugh.

Today, you came early and decided to cook for him and have dinner together. You don’t know but Hendery is leaning on the door frame of his kitchen with a flower in his hand, watching you chop some peppers in his kitchen. He felt like he finally won you back. Just seeing you hum while you prepare dinner makes his heart so happy. He then walked slowly and hugged you from behind, resting chin at the top of your shoulders, and showed you the flowers he has for you.

You smiled so big, dropping the knife on the chopping board and turning around to give him a kiss.

That’s your first kiss again.

He was shocked but you did it again. You realized he was trying so hard that he’s slowly being successful in winning you back and you’re actually scared of the future but he makes you happy.

“What? It’s not like we haven’t kissed before” you touched his lips and felt his embrace tightens every second. “Dinner in 30 minutes” you smiled and went back to finish chopping the peppers and finding a nice vase for the flowers he gave.

After dinner, a few glasses of wine, cheese, and grapes, you and Hendery are buzzed and talking about work as prince and princesses while enjoying the view from his couch. The lights are turned down low and you didn’t even notice at first but the mood has been making you horny even though your topic was stressful and your minds are clouded with alcohol. You don’t know what came into your head but you sat on his lap with lidded eyes, touching his body feeling his hard rocked abs through his white dress shirt.

He giggles and laughed at you. He’s so fucking handsome when he does that. “Seriously you have to stop you will embarrass yourself in the next morning,” he told you to stop but he fixed the way he sits and made sure you were comfortable on top of him. He teased you more, smiling so handsomely and making your heart flutter.

“I'm not that drunk just buzzed. Want me to prove it?” You challenged with a flirty tone that turns him on.

“Mhmm. Okay,” he tilts his head and waited for this proof you were saying.

“I still remember how we sealed our promises with a kiss. Like that day when we promised to be each other’s first and last” your fingers went up to his hair, ruffling his soft black hair and massaging his scalp.

You don’t know what happened but the mood changes and he’s avoiding your eyes. ”I’m sorry,” he says.

“No no don’t be, you’re here now make it up to me” you kissed his neck while he gets drunk even more because of your kisses. Your hands are placed on his neck like you’re telling him you still belong to each other, rolling your hips slowly to make him horny as much as you are.

“Did you have sex with anyone already?” his question made you stop what you’re doing to him and pulling away from the kiss to look at him, you thought he didn’t like what’s happening. But to your surprise his lips went to your neck, kissing you softly but full of lust. You feel his warm tongue just below your jaw and it felt great.

“Lucas, how about you?” You moaned out, shamefully.

Usually, his heart will hurt whenever you mention Lucas, but he’s the one kissing you now. So instead of getting hurt, he smirked. “A couple of girls. Life can be stressful I need an adult stress release. Any kinks?”

“Not that I know of? You?”

He stopped and looked at you to tell you the story. “Well remember when we were making out and I accidentally saw your breasts?” you nod at him, “I think I developed some kind of breast kink and I always imagine that I’m having sex with you instead of a stranger” he admitted and looked at you clothed breast right now. “That's how much I miss you” he placed a gentle kiss on your lips and went back to leaning comfortably on the couch. He got shy but he can’t stop looking at you.

To be honest your heart swells knowing that he desperately wants you like that. As quickly as you can, you untuck your blouse and removed it in front of the prince. “You can experience the real thing tonight “ you intertwine your hand with his and slowly placed it on your breast.

Breathing heavily. Both of you. You’re like teenagers who are just about to have sex for the first time.

He sat up to meet your lips and kiss you the way you deserved to be kissed, slowly you feel his hand travel to your back to unclasp your bra. You removed and fed his lust, revealing your breast to him for the first time. Hendery was so nervous that his hands are shaking when he removed strands of hair away from your face and held you on your shoulders, slowly he lowered your body on his and started kissing your collar bones and chest before he proceeds to your breast.

It was quiet and all he can hear is your moans and the sound of his wet kisses. You wanted to tell him that his lips feel great against your skin, and simply tell him to fuck you already. When his mouth finally reached your hard nipples and bit them softly, you parted your lips and your arms swings around him and push his head to your breast even more. You noticed he knows how to use his tongue, you figured he has been doing this to someone else for years and years while the whole truth is he always wanted to do it to you. The way he flicked his tongue brings you back to reality and when he sucks your nipples good your grip on his hair tightens and when that happens he bites your nipples again to make you shiver. This man is good.  

He placed his hands just below your boob area to hold you still while he does whatever he wants to your breast. Sucking, pinching, bitting, and kneading. Everything felt good and your moans are good proof. With his strength, he got up from the couch and carried you to his room while you kiss with lust. He lay you down on his king-sized bed and kissed your body down while unbuttoning your pants and pulling them down until you’re only wearing your panties. Hendery then unbuttoned his dress shirt in between your spread legs, kneeling in front of you, stripping until he’s only wearing his boxers briefs. He situates his body on top of you grinding on your clothed private parts, hands all over each other’s body. He then went back to kissing your nipples and sucking them but little did you know Hendery is just distracting you while his hands are slowly coming down inside your panties.

With a great shock, you closed your eyes and parted your lips as you feel Hendery’s cold fingers slide up and down on your wet slit while his mouth is still sucking your nipples. It was a whirlwind of feelings, everything felt good, and seeing Hendery enjoy turns you on too. By the time you had your first orgasm, shaking and body so sensitive with swollen nipples, Hendery was kissing you softly and asking you in the most innocent way if you’re okay. The sound of his giggles makes you calm, the way he whispers soft praises beside your ear while his hands roam freely around your body. Truth is he’s genuinely happy right at this moment because he doesn’t need to imagine anymore.

He went back to kissing your body down until he reaches your wet core and licks it up and down for a while before he lines his cock. In between your widely spread legs, you watch Hendery lick you good and feel him moan from time to time. “Hendery” you called him, kneeling in between your legs in an instant, flashing his beautiful body to you. His skin is flawless, strong arms, perfect abs, and of course, fucking beautiful smile. Everything about him makes you weak right now that you just opened your legs, reach for hard cock, and line it to your entrance yourself. “Woah” he giggled and stopped you, “Okay calm down, I’ll fuck you good I promise” he pumped his cock in front of you and lines it immediately just how you want it and slowly enters you. He wasn’t big like Lucas but he kept his promise, he fucked you good.

So good that you asked for more as you grip his Egyptian cotton sheets and let your body be dragged with every hard thrust he give you.

So good that you asked him to go slower because you don’t want it to end yet.

So good that you asked him to cum inside you and asked for another round.

On your third orgasm, your hole is dripping with mixes of your cum and Hendery’s while the handsome prince is kissing your neck as you come down from your high. “I love you” he whispers but he was too late, you were sleeping soundly already, arms wrapped around his neck. He smiled and kissed you one last time before he pulls out and cleans you up.

He didn’t sleep that night, he just watched you sleep beside him. Let you cling to him in the middle of the night, watch you roll in his bed and expose your body, but of course, he’s quick to cover you again. And when the time comes, he wakes you with kisses on your shoulders, embracing you tightly and kissing you more.

“Wake up” you hear him whisper and you try to open your eyes the moment he told you so. You see his window, it was still dark so you closed your eyes again. “Want to watch the sunrise with me? You’re going to love it” he went down from his bed and opened his curtains so you can have a full view of the sky while you enjoy your comfort in his bed. You sat up and waited for him to join you again and stay warm together. Slowly, you see how the sky became pitch black to deep blue to light blue until you can see the pretty view outside his house. It was calming. He was holding your hand the whole time.

After watching the sunrise with him he fell asleep while holding your hand and you think he’s cute for having a tight grip even though he’s sleeping. While he was sleeping, it’s now your turn to admire his handsome features and watch him sleep before you start your day and make breakfast.

You hate to admit it but it looks like he has completely won you over.

“You look good in my dress shirt” he greets you good morning and kissed you on your temple while you set the table. You feel his hands in your hips, slowly coming down to your butt, and realized that you’re only wearing his dress shirt and thin panties. He still can’t believe that this is all happening, “are you real?” He whispers.

“Yes. Now come on, I have a meeting with the parliament. Need to go home and get ready” you eat some fruits as you scan your schedule for the day and there you see it and completely missed it.

Lucas went home last night. And you left your personal phone in your car. Fuck you said to yourself but didn’t show it to Hendery.

Leaving this morning became harder than you expected and you spent a total of 20 minutes kissing and flirting with Hendery before you finally open the door.

You went on with your day and made an excuse to Lucas as to why you didn’t pick him up at the airport last night. You were at your office with stacks and stacks of paper works and you weren’t even acting stressed when he came in because you were indeed stressed with everything.

“Oh baby, I’m really sorry” you greet him with a kiss and left everything on your desk. Lucas saw how stressed you are so he understood immediately and didn’t even bother asking. “You’re coming home to me tonight right? I missed you” he added and pouted like the big baby that he is.

“Uh-huh. Of course yes, I’m all yours” you smiled and he hugged you so tight before he leaves you to work again.

“Of course. You’re always mine” he said and kissed you goodbye.

The nights are cold for Hendery when Lucas got back because he can’t get a hold of you. No text, no call, no email. No nothing. And once again, he was heartbroken and he felt like he’s losing you again.

When he visited your sister a week since the last time he saw you, Hendery saw you with Lucas and didn’t even think of taking another glance. He had all these emotions ball up in his chest and he needed to release them.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were visiting today” your sister was surprised and invited him into her room. When she turned your back at him, he saw your figure in your sister. He’s back to imagining girls to be you, he’s back to that sick habit of his. But he can't help it. Effortlessly, he flirted with your sister, and surprisingly your sister was horny. Very horny for Hendery. One thing led to another and the next thing he knows he’s fucking her hard from behind kissing her shoulders and imagining that it’s you.

“What’s that noise” you murmur to Lucas while you were having a nap with him. Lucas giggled and whispered back, “I think Prince Hendery paid her a visit and... you know...” he was giggling and keeping you close to him as he went back to his nap, completely clueless that you’re hurting.

Everything that you and Hendery built from the past few days falls down when you came to his house and had your first fight.

ACT 4

“You didn’t call! Or texted that he’s already back you just left me hanging!”

“And that’s a good reason to fuck my sister?”

“It just happened!”

“Bullshit!” You shouted back. Louder than before, completely overpowering his shouts. With all his bravery, he got you a glass of water, came closer to you, and caressed your shoulders to keep you calm.

“I fucked up and I’m sorry, please,” he says sincerely.

Then you realized something.

“You don’t have to say sorry to me. It’s okay if you and my sister fucked because someday you will be married to each other. Were the ones cheating”

He listened to every word you said and begged you to take it back because he’s losing you again. When you finally said, “let’s end this Hendery. Do you want to have more fights like this in the future? What will you feel if I tell you that me and Lucas fucked last night-“

It was like thunder, disturbing the silence of his quiet house when he grabbed the glass of water and threw it in one corner.

“Exactly my point. We don’t belong to each other anymore. I’m sorry”

“Y/n. Please-“ he begged once again but you just repeated everything you said and left him.

The end.

It was the end of your story with Hendery.

But just as you thought that you’re done handling one heartbreak for the day, you’re wrong. Lucas called to tell you the news that your grandfather had a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital.

After everything that happened on that day, you never made peace with Hendery and never talked to him again. Lucas saw you at your lowest and took care of you every day after the funeral and never left your side.

Months passed by quickly and Hendery is staying in your palace as per your sister’s request and continue to ignore each other for safety. Sometimes you greet each other for formality but never as friends and as past lovers. Lucas is not stupid to not see what’s happening.

Two months before your coronation day, you were sitting on your throne with your leg up and pouting as you’re thinking if you’re really ready to be a queen. You see Lucas enter the hall but you did not move an inch. He sat on the cold floor in front of you, reaching for your hand and kiss it.

“I miss him, I wish he could see me as a queen” tears started to fall but Lucas is quick to dry them.

“He saw you as a queen already even when you were only a little girl” you understand what he said and you’re thankful for him for not leaving you at your lowest and choosing to be with you even though he found out about you and Hendery. “So... I wanted to do this, while you’re still you. And not...the queen” he says awkwardly and pulls out a small red velvet box.

But you sit properly and stopped him from opening it and saying the question that will change your life, “how can you stay to a woman who cheats?”

“Your grandfather told me love is patient. I had a meaningful talk with him, you’re right he’s wise. He told me you love me and he said if one day you do something stupid and wrong, which turns out you did... He told me ‘check your heart if you still love her, and if you still do marry her and don’t ever let her go again’"

Tears started to fall from your eyes again. “So will you marry me Y/n. Let me be the one to dry your tears forever?” He let out an awkward laugh, nervous about the next thing that will come out of your mouth.

“Yes, of course, yes” you cup his face, and this time you’re the one to dry his tears away.

Little did you know that Hendery heard everything. And he is beyond heartbroken.

[cherienymphe]

Best Friends Forever (Fratboy!Peter Parker x Reader)

This is my entry for @darkficsyouneveraskedfor​  What’s Old is New Again Challenge! This fic is inspired by #18, “A gentleman is simply a patient wolf. – Lana Turner. Hope you all enjoy!

warnings: NON-CON, manipulation, roofie 

DNI IF THIS OFFENDS YOU

summary: Peter Parker is your best friend. Peter Parker is your only friend. Peter wants to keep it that way.

~

Peter Parker was your best friend. In fact, Peter Parker was your only friend. The two of you had been inseparable for as long as you could remember. You grew up together attached at the hip, and therefore, you did everything together.

He was there, watching in awe when you pulled your first loose tooth. You did the same when he pulled his first one weeks later. You helped each other learn how to ride bikes, double dutch, and even attempt to skateboard once. The two of you had broken so many bones together that you had lost count.

You weathered middle school together and the absolute insanity that was high school. You two had been best friends all your life, and it had never been anything more than that, so you both were equally confused when catty high school girls and bored high school guys would constantly accuse the two of you of dating. It was a thought that had never crossed your minds, and it was something you often laughed about.

There were absolutely no secrets between you two, and despite that, you still found yourself completely frozen in shock as you watched Peter slip in through your bedroom window one night during sophomore year. He was covered in bruises, and the oddly familiar red and blue fit he wore had some tears. You had stumbled off of your bed, running to grab him as he struggled to stand.

Realization hit you as he leaned against your wall, chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath, and your eyes almost popped out of your head.

“Y-you’re Spider-Man?”

It had come out louder than you had intended, and he was frantic as he covered your mouth, begging you to keep quiet. Neither one of you slept much that night as you demanded answers from him. You remembered feeling upset and betrayed that he had been hiding something so important from you, but even worse, you felt worried.

Your best friend had been put in danger so many times while you had been none the wiser. From then on, you demanded that he pass through your house to change out of his suit before going home. Not only for it to be safe for him to get home, but to put your own heart at ease too. It gave you a sense of comfort to see for yourself that he ended the night in one piece.

It was a tough secret to keep, incredibly trying to keep your thoughts to yourself as you watched his crime fighting be reported day in and day out. It was difficult to keep your worry at bay when he was late sneaking into your bedroom or to keep yourself from crying out when he was especially hurt. You were the only one who knew the truth, and the gravity of it served to further isolate the two of you.

Peter was literally your only friend and had been for as long as you could remember. What did it matter that you had never had any girlfriends, even now during college? Sure, you had always envied that special bond some girls seemed to have with each other. Of course, it bothered you a little that you had never experienced what it was like to have a best friend who could relate to you in every single way, but Peter was plenty. Yeah, there were some things that as a guy, he would never fully be able to empathize with, but his sympathy and well intentions were enough.

Besides, having a guy best friend came with its perks. Peter understood guys way better than you could ever hope to, and he was always more than eager to give you advice. Thanks to him, you could probably call yourself an expert on them, but in the end, it never did any good. You had never had a boyfriend, never even anything remotely close. Sure, it bothered you, a lot, but in the end you were grateful.

Peter saved you from regret more times than you could count. Every guy you had ever vocalized interest in turned out to be absolute garbage. At least, that was what Peter told you, and you trusted him. He was never wrong about these things. Tristan, an upperclassman that you’d had a crush on during your freshman year, had apparently been a racist creep. James from your junior year was a party animal with anger issues. Your first year of college, you’d fallen head over heels for a literature major named Logan, but Peter had to be the bearer of bad news when he informed you that the guy had a girlfriend back home and about three more on campus.

After that, you had just given up completely. You saw no point to any of it when every guy you had ever liked turned out to be awful. In the end, Peter was truly the only one you could trust. You were beyond thankful for him, and the day you could bring a guy around with Peter’s approval was the day you would know you found a good one. Unfortunately, you were starting to think that day would never come. You dreaded the day Peter would finally get a girlfriend, because then you would truly be a lonely wreck.

You found it odd that Peter had been single all this time too. This wasn’t high school anymore. In college, girls liked guys who were smart and who read and knew how to have conversations outside of sports. Add the fact that Peter had grown to be quite attractive and had even joined a fraternity, he was a catch. So it was safe to say you didn’t get it, and told him so one night.

“I’ve just never met the right girl,” he said with a shrug, distracted.

“Oh, come on,” you scoffed in disbelief. “So many great girls have shown interest in you. What about MJ? She was tall and funny and her hair-! God, her hair.”

He snorted, a faint smirk on his lips.

“I just wasn’t into her.”

“Why not?” you wondered.

MJ was practically perfect, and you had never known Peter to be nitpicky. He just shrugged, eyes focused on his laptop as he typed away.

“Peter,” you whined. “This is just sad. One of us has to start dating soon or we’ll just end up staring at each other in our old age.”

“I’ve dated,” he said, offended as his eyes cut up to you.

You rolled your eyes, flicking your pencil at him.

“I mean dating dating, not whatever it is you and your “frat bros” do every weekend. That house has seen more girls than a gynecologist clinic,” you complained.

“You know I’m not like that,” he said, shutting his laptop and setting it aside.

While he was somewhat right, he’d still had his own fair share of fun with some of the girls who went to their parties.

“You may not be as bad as the rest of them, but you can’t fool me, Peter. Remember, there are no secrets between us,” you replied, leaning back into the couch. “When are you going to get a girlfriend?”

He didn’t answer, and you continued.

“I know you want one. You’ve mentioned it several times, and I know dozens of girls that would be thrilled to be given the chance.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, giving you his full attention now.

“I just…haven’t found the right girl,” he lamely repeated.

You opted to leave it alone, skeptically eyeing him before reaching out to turn on the tv. You could feel Peter’s eyes on you, but he fortunately spoke before you had a chance to ask him what was up.

“To be honest…there was a time when I thought…you’d be my girlfriend,” he quietly confessed, almost like he was afraid of your reaction.

You looked at him, shock and disbelief coursing through you. A humorless chuckle left your lips.

“You’re kidding…”

He shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest. His eyes were completely serious.

“No, I’m not. It was senior year of high school and… I don’t know,” he shrugged. “I know we were teased about it for years and the idea was crazy to us, but one day…I realized that you were the person I was closest to in the world…and I wanted to be closer.”

Your eyes were wide, lips parted in awe as you listened to this confession. You had never known, and you wondered how you could have missed it. What kind of friend were you?

“It was the only secret I ever kept from you…”

You turned to fully look at him.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

He shrugged, dark eyes studying you.

“I knew you didn’t feel the same way, so I just forced myself to let it go. And I did,” he answered.

He was right. You had never felt the same way, and you started to wonder what would have happened if he had confessed his feelings to you. How awkward that could have been… It could have ruined everything.

“Peter…I can’t believe you did that. That must have…sucked,” you whispered.

He chuckled.

“I’m not going to lie. It kind of did, but I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. You’re special to me, and nothing would have been worth making our friendship weird or just destroying it altogether. It turned out to be nothing more than a crush, anyway. Just…teenage hormones.”

You felt your heart clench, wondering if you would have done the same. It must have been torture for him to swallow his feelings just to keep things comfortable between you two, no matter how fleeting the whole thing was for him.

“Really, it’s no big deal, Y/N. I’m long over it, now,” he waved you off.

You chuckled, moving past the brief shock you’d just experienced.

“I’m glad for that. If you told me you still had feelings for me, I probably would’ve accused you of sabotage all these years.”

“Sabotage,” he scoffed. “Listen, every single guy you’ve been into was downright awful. You literally have the worst taste in men-.”

“I do not!”

“You do, Y/N. Honestly, if it wasn’t for me, who knows what you would have gotten yourself into.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Just for that, you’re paying for the takeout, tonight.”

 ~

“Botany? That’s crazy! I want to go into agriculture,” you said with a laugh.

The guy before you, Harry, chuckled with you. The two of you were tucked into a quiet corner of the kitchen. The rest of the house was vibrating with a deep bass, the sound of noisy college students filling your ears. Parties weren’t your thing, but frat parties especially were definitely not your thing. Somehow, Peter had finally talked you into attending one of his house’s infamous parties, and you hadn’t even been in the building for five minutes before you grabbed a drink with as little alcohol as possible and hid in the kitchen.

It was miraculous really that you bumped into an attractive guy who was equally uncomfortable with these things. He was funny and charming, and he wanted to study plants. You tried not to get ahead of yourself, but someone else might say it was fate that you two ran into each other. Hell, you ran into each other at Peter’s frat house, so the chances that they knew each other were high. Maybe Peter would have good things to tell you about him.

As if he was summoned by your thoughts, your eyes connected with familiar brown ones as he poked his head into the kitchen.

“Peter!”

You waved him over, and his eyes flitted between you and Harry as he approached you.

“Hey, Parker. I didn’t know you knew Y/N,” Harry chuckled, taking a sip of his drink.

“Yeah, Peter and I go way back. He’s my best friend,” you said, pulling Peter over.

Your best friend was being unusually quiet, and you frowned. You glanced at him out of the corner of your eye, noticing the way his eyes had hardened. Was he okay?

“Y/N was just telling me that she wants to go into agriculture. We’ll probably be taking a lot of classes together in about two years,” Harry threw out.

Peter chuckled at that, but it sounded off, and he turned to look at you.

“I figured you’d be hiding in the kitchen, so I came to find you,” Peter said, wrapping an arm around your waist.

A shudder passed through you at the unfamiliar gesture, but you brushed it off.

“Oh, you know how I am. I’m glad I ran into Harry though! He’s been keeping me company, so you can just go back to the party if you want. Your friends are probably looking for you,” you replied.

Peter had become quite popular since you two started college, and you knew that the demand for his attention was rather high. You often felt bad about dragging him down with you. You weren’t really the social type.

“Yeah, Parker, I can look out for Y/N for you,” Harry offered, a friendly smile on his lips.

You returned it and noticed the way Peter’s jaw ticked, and confusion filled you.

“Actually, I came to find Y/N so that we can go,” Peter bit out.

Your frown deepened, but you didn’t question it as Peter gripped your hand.

“Oh, okay. I guess we’re leaving. See you around, Harry!”

He waved back as Peter pulled you out of the kitchen. His grip was tight on your hand as he weaved through swaying bodies and drunk students. Again, you wondered if he was upset about something. It was Peter, so you hardly ever saw him upset. You breathed in the fresh air when the two of you made it outside, and you took the time to eye him.

“Peter…you alright?”

He took a deep breath, chest heaving before he looked at you with a smile. He looked more like himself and you returned it.

“Yeah, I’m just…not feeling too good,” he answered.

“Oh,” you sadly said. “Are you getting sick?”

He shrugged, hand in his pockets.

“I don’t know. I probably had too much to drink. Mind if I crash at your place?”

You chuckled, shaking your head.

“You’re always welcome to sleep over, you know that.”

It was quiet for a while between you two as you walked back to your apartment. His hand was soft on yours, and the way his arm kept brushing against yours brought comfort to you. You were so used to his presence, borderline dependent on it, and just knowing he was beside you was reassuring.

“I love you, Peter, but please don’t invite me to anymore parties,” you suddenly whispered, a hint of mock fear in your voice.

He barked a laugh, and you joined him.

“All of them aren’t that bad, I promise,” he chuckled. “Did you really hate it that much?”

You hummed, releasing a sigh.

“Maybe I didn’t hate it all that much,” you admitted after some time.

He glanced at you out of the corner of his eye as a wistful smile fell over your lips, eyes gazing at the sky.

“So…how do you know Harry?”

His hand tightened around your own just the slightest.

“He’s in another frat,” he answered with a scoff. “He’s a spoiled rich kid who thinks he can get anything he wants by throwing money at it.”

You rolled your eyes with a shake of your head.

“Somehow, I’m not shocked by that, but… You know what? I don’t care.”

He stopped walking, pulling you to a halt with him, and he stared at you with a frown.

“What? What do you mean?”

You shrugged.

“I like him. We have a lot in common and he’s hilarious and so cute. Maybe… Maybe I’m expecting too much, you know?”

Peter looked even more confused, jaw clenching as his frown deepened.

“What are you saying?”

“I mean… Yes, I’m a huge romantic and I want a boyfriend, a serious boyfriend, like I have for years, but… You have always been a girlfriend kind of guy. It’s no secret that you’re open to a serious relationship, and you claim the only reason that hasn’t happened yet is because you haven’t found the right girl, but… Peter, that’s never stopped you from having fun,” you elaborated.

He didn’t respond, and you sighed.

“I’m just saying that maybe I should do the same. Maybe I should stop trying to make a boyfriend out of every guy I’m into and just have fun. Like you!”

He forced a chuckle past his lips.

“That’s…that’s not like you…”

“I know, but… I’m tired of being alone,” you shrugged. “We’re in college, now, and the chances of me finding a boyfriend are pretty low. Let you tell it, a good portion of the guys here are trash, but that only matters if you’re looking for something serious, and I don’t think I want that anymore.”

Peter was uncharacteristically quiet…again, and you tilted your head at him.

“That’s…a big change for you,” he murmured.

“Yeah,” you sighed. “…but I’m really into Harry. You’ll help me, right?”

Your pleading gaze met his dark one, slightly frowning at the way he was looking at you. He pursed his lips.

“Please, Peter? I really like him, and you know him so well.”

He looked away with a small sigh. He briefly closed his eyes before eventually nodding, and you smiled. He looked at you with a grin on his lips, taking your hand again as he continued the trek down the sidewalk.

“Yeah. Leave it to me, Y/N, and I’ll help you get laid in no time,” he relented.

You squealed, reaching up to shake his shoulders as you pushed him along.

“You’re an angel!”

He chuckled.

“What are best friends for?”

 ~

“Okay, I’ll admit, that was much better than I was expecting,” Harry relented.

“See! I told you, I am an excellent judge when it comes to these things,” you replied as the two of you walked out of the theatre.

It was the sixth date the two of you had been on in 4 weeks. True to his word, Peter had helped you out, and that next morning after the party, you’d woken up to a text from Harry Osborn himself. A huge grin had spread out over your face, and you didn’t hesitate to reply.

The two of you had been talking nonstop since then about practically any and everything. It turns out that you hadn’t been premature in thinking the two of you had so much in common. It was true! It was almost suspicious how much of the same things you liked, including horror films.

“Listen, the storyline didn’t seem all that original, and when I had watched the trailer, I felt like I’d seen the entire thing in less than 2 minutes,” he defended.

“Okay, okay, that I can understand, but ever since I’d missed out on seeing both Insidious and The Conjuring in theatres because I thought they were going to suck, I vowed to myself ‘never again’.”

“Yikes! Both of those films were great. I just know you still kick yourself over that one,” he laughed.

“It literally haunts me,” you groaned. “I know experiencing both of those in the theatre must have been amazing.”

Harry seemed to find your regret amusing, and he stopped to look at you with a smile on his face.

“Hey, so uh, my frat is throwing a party this weekend. I mean, we do just about every weekend, but I was thinking maybe you could come…as my…date this weekend?”

Your eyes widened a bit, and you felt your face heat up. He seemed nervous to ask you, like he didn’t know how you’d feel about it, and it was wild to you. You really liked Harry, and you thought you had made that more than obvious over the past month. Sure, Peter was right when he said he was a bit of a snob, but it wasn’t overbearingly so to the point that it became a turn off. Crazily enough, you could see Harry being more than just ‘fun’.

“I’d love that,” you honestly replied.

The corner of his mouth pulled upwards into a smirk, and he stepped closer to you on the deserted sidewalk.

“Yeah…?”

You nodded, looking up at him as he got closer. Neither one of you said anything as he reached up to gently grip your jaw, leaning in until his lips pressed against yours. You sharply inhaled, closing your eyes as you savored this. His lips were soft, and the way he moved them against yours told you that he was experienced.

That didn’t bother you. Truth be told, you had always wanted to be with someone who knew what they were doing, because honestly, you had no idea. You felt flutters deep in your stomach, and you shuffled closer to him when a cool breeze blew by. He pulled away just a little, opening his eyes to look at you as you did the same.

“Come on. Let me walk you back to your place,” he offered.

You happily gripped his hand as he did just that.

You felt giddy, absolutely on cloud nine as you leaned your head on his shoulder. Maybe you were getting a bit ahead of yourself, but a nice and rich frat guy was asking you to be his date to his house’s party. In context, this whole thing was showing a lot of promise. Guys like him normally liked to keep their options open, and him actually claiming you as his date was making somewhat of a statement.

You waved him goodbye as you made your way inside the complex, lips still tingling from the second kiss he’d given you just outside. You were still smiling when you rounded the corner that led to your hall, pausing as your eyes fell on a familiar figure outside of your door.

“Peter, hey!”

He pulled himself to his feet with a small groan, stretching as you fished your keys out of your purse.

“Where have you been? I’ve been waiting here for over an hour,” he said, glancing at his watch.

You gave him a sheepish look as you let him go in first.

“Sorry. I went to go see a movie with Harry,” you answered.

“Oh,” he said in a small voice. “You’re still seeing that guy?”

“That guy,” you scoffed with a small chuckle. “Isn’t he your friend?”

“Yeah, sort of, I guess…”

“You staying over tonight?” you asked, glancing over your shoulder.

“I really wasn’t planning to, but since I’ve been waiting this long, I don’t want to go back to the house in the dark.”

You hummed, opening your drawer of takeout menus to figure out what you should order.

“So…how are things going with Harry?”

You couldn’t stop the smile that fell over your lips.

“Great actually,” you said, sounding surprised. “He asked me to be his date to the party his frat is throwing this weekend.”

Peter’s eyes were wide as you glanced up at him, dark eyebrows raised as he looked at you.

“Really…”

“Yeah! I don’t know… I wasn’t exactly planning for this to be anything serious, you know? I wanted to experience some light fun for once in my life, but now… I think I can see us actually being something,” you whispered.

Peter didn’t reply right away, only humming in response.

“Are you going to the party?”

He blinked, heaving a sigh before shaking his head.

“Nah. I’m not really a fan of the kind of parties they throw,” he said with a shrug.

“What do you mean?”

He waved you off.

“They can just get pretty wild. They regularly get noise complaints and don’t really monitor how much alcohol people are drinking until it’s too late and there’s throw up everywhere,” he explained with a frown.

“Oh…”

You were a bit disappointed that Peter wasn’t going to be there, but you had to remind yourself to stop being so dependent upon him. The two of you couldn’t stay attached at the hip forever, and at some point, you had to start making a social life for yourself…by yourself.

 ~

Friday night came much quicker than expected, and you were all dressed and ready to go. The house wasn’t far from your place, and since it was still daylight, you didn’t mind walking. You’d worn comfortable shoes, so it didn’t bother you.

Even though you would probably be considered an early arriver, the place was already lively when you stepped through the door. Everywhere you turned, you were met with someone’s back or chest, and you struggled to maneuver yourself through the bodies. You didn’t recognize anyone, and almost wished that Peter had come with you, growing nervous until you spotted a familiar head of dark hair.

You approached Harry with a smile, reaching out to grab his arm. His eyes were wide when he turned to face you, and you frowned when he maneuvered his arm out of your grip. Your frown only deepened when he stepped away from you, glancing away, and that was when you noticed the girl at his side.

She hadn’t been paying attention, gaze elsewhere, but she smiled when she finally turned to look at you. She was blonde and beautiful and had perfect teeth, dazzling you as she grinned. Her perfectly manicured hands wrapped around Harry’s arm as she leaned into him.

“Hey! Are you a friend of Harry’s?”

She seemed sweet, and confusion filled you at their familiar body language.

“Babe, this is Y/N. She’s super close with my friend Peter,” Harry answered, barely sparing you a glance.

Your heart dropped to your stomach as you eyed them.

“Oh! I’ve yet to meet Peter, but I’ve heard you mention him sometimes. I’m Scarlet, Harry’s girlfriend,” she introduced herself.

If it all possible, you probably would have thrown up, but you hadn’t eaten anything all day, too nervous about tonight.

“Oh, wow! I don’t think Peter ever mentioned Harry having a girlfriend,” you responded, hoping it sounded casual.

You could feel the man in question’s eyes on you, but you didn’t spare him a glance.

“Well, I’ve never actually met Peter, and Harry and I only recently go back together…what was it? Two months ago?”

“Two months ago…wow…”

You didn’t know what to say, and you finally understood the full meaning of ‘speechless’ in that moment.

“Yeah, Harry didn’t have any plans this weekend as far as I knew, so I decided to come down and surprise him. You should have seen his face when I showed up on the doorstep an hour ago,” she laughed.

You joined her, feeling like you were going to be sick.

“I’ll let you two catch up. It was nice to meet you!”

“You too,” Scarlet said, waving goodbye as you turned and pushed yourself through the crowd.

There were tears in your eyes, and your body was shaking. Were you on the verge of a panic attack? You stumbled over your own feet as you attempted to make your way to the door. So focused on the baby pink polish on your toes, you didn’t notice the figure before you until your head was colliding with their chest.

You stumbled back, almost falling had it not been for a familiar pair of hands. You looked up in shock, and everything crashed into you as your eyes met Peter’s. His gaze was inquiring, worry coloring his features as he studied you.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?”

You shook your head, letting it fall against his chest as he wrapped his arms around you.

“What happened?”

“H-Harry has a girlfriend,” you whispered.

You felt him tense against you.

“…what?”

“I mean… I thought… You said he was just some spoiled rick kid. You never mentioned a girlfriend,” you said, looking up at him.

“I didn’t know. Honest. They broke up forever ago,” he replied, pulling you against him.

“Yeah, well apparently, they got back together two months ago. The whole time we’d been talking and going out together he…,” you trailed off, shaking your head. “He treated me like I was practically a stranger.”

Peter’s jaw ticked, and he moved to go past you, but you stopped him. His dark eyes were focused on Harry no doubt, but you pressed your hands into his chest.

“Peter, let it go. Please! Just…stay with me? I don’t think I want to go home…”

The last thing you wanted was to lay in your bed and remind yourself of what a disaster tonight was turning out to be. Peter heaved a sigh, hands tightening on you before reluctantly nodding. He pulled you along towards the door.

“Come on. We can just go to the party at my house,” he offered.

You nodded, leaning against him as he walked you out. You wiped at your cheek, unsure of when a few tears had spilled over. You had fooled yourself into dreaming of more with Harry and look where it got you. Even if you had still only wanted something casual, there was no way you would have knowingly got involved with a guy who had a girlfriend. That wasn’t who you were.

“I thought…I thought you weren’t coming,” you whispered.

“I wasn’t, but… I didn’t want to leave you at a party where the only person you knew was Harry. I’m glad I did come,” he murmured. “What an ass…”

“Don’t worry about it, Peter. Really. Maybe this is just a sign that I should stop trying to force something with every guy I like. It never turns out well,” you sighed.

Peter’s frat house was just as lively when you guys moseyed inside. A few of his brothers recognized you, and you waved at them. Peter’s arm tightened around your waist, but you didn’t mind it. You knew what other guys at the party would think, but you didn’t care. You were done with guys, and all you wanted was to hang out with Peter, the only guy you had ever been able to trust. So if they mistook you as Peter’s girl, and left you alone because of it, that was fine with you.

The two of you were attached at the hip throughout the night. Peter had gotten both of you drinks, and hours later, you were still nursing that same drink. This was never your crowd, and the more you made your way around the room with Peter, the more obvious it became. He didn’t seem to mind your company though, arm still at home on your waist. You noticed a few disappointed glances being thrown your way, and you chuckled with a frown.

“Peter, I think I’m ruining your chances of getting laid,” you finally said.

He glanced around to see what you meant before he chuckled too.

“It’s fine. You’re my best friend. I’m not just going to ditch you,” he responded.

You smiled but still felt a bit guilty that you had affected his night again. You pulled away from him, letting him know that you were going to be in the kitchen. He understood and promised to join you. To be honest, you wanted him to have fun. You didn’t exactly take pleasure in knowing that he sacrificed his usual routine at parties just for you.

You leaned against the counter, pressing your fingers to your temples as you rubbed circles into your skin. You didn’t know how the night had gone so wrong. How had you been so clueless? No, no! You were not going to do that. It wasn’t your job to watch and hunt for signs of an untruthful man. You weren’t supposed to be suspicious of a guy you were seeing. This whole situation was completely on Harry.

You finished your drink, tossing the red cup into the trash with a sigh. It was amazing that in the span of 3 hours, your life had done a complete 180. You had gone from having the time of your life to being alone and miserable and feeling absolutely foolish.

You heard footsteps make their way into the kitchen. You glanced up, face contorting in a frown as your gaze connected with that of the last person you wanted to see.

“What are you doing here?” you scoffed.

He was holding two drinks, eyes apologetic as he approached you.

“I’m sorry-.”

“I don’t want to hear it, Harry. There’s nothing that you could say that can fix this.”

“Y/N, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry. Scarlet and I… We’ve been having problems for a long time, now, and we both thought getting back together would make them magically go away, but they didn’t. The night we met, Scarlet and I had gotten into a huge fight, and I was under the impression that we were over…for good.”

You eyed him.

“Then she wanted to work things out, but I had already met you, and I really liked you…”

You looked away with a sigh.

“We were never exclusive, I guess, but it doesn’t matter because you have a girlfriend. You had a girlfriend the whole time we were hanging out, and I’m certain that you and she have an agreement that you guys are exclusive,” you harshly replied.

He glanced down, and you chuckled, but it lacked humor.

“You were cheating on her…with me… Never mind the obvious of how she would feel if she found out, but how do you think that makes me feel? Do you think I like being that kind of girl?”

He shook his head.

“No, no, you’re not the type-.”

“Exactly.”

He at least had the decency to look ashamed.

“I know I messed up, okay? I just wanted to apologize and bring you this… You said it’s your favorite, the only drink you actually really like, and I thought maybe it could soften the blow of you chewing me out,” he confessed.

You eyed the cup, glaring at him before taking it. You took a sip before sighing.

“Well, thanks for the drink,” you saluted him with it. “…but I don’t see us moving past this Harry. It was fun, but I don’t even want to be friends with someone like you. I’m sorry, and I mean it when I say I hope you and Scarlet work things out.”

You brushed past him, taking another sip of the fruity mixture as you went in search of Peter. It was easy to find him, following the sound of his familiar laughter. He didn’t mention anything as he wrapped his arm around you, and you figured that he didn’t know Harry was here yet.

“Hey, I was coming, I swear I was-.”

“Peter, it’s fine! You know I don’t care about you keeping me company or not. I’m a big girl.”

He returned your smile, pulling you closer as his hand tightened on your waist.

You didn’t plan to stay much longer, and about an hour later you decided that you would head out…after you used the bathroom. You found it much more difficult to weave through the sweaty bodies this time, and you blinked as your vision spun for half a second. You stopped to steady yourself, pressing your hand to your head in confusion.

You eventually made it to the bathroom, and you took some time to look at yourself in the mirror. You looked alright, for the most part, but you felt so…off. Your fingers were tingling just the slightest, and the bass in the houses sounded incredibly far away. By the time you were done in the bathroom, you were stumbling out.

You had to hold onto the wall for support, and confusion filled you. You’d only been drunk a handful of times, but this time felt different. Even worse, you had only had two drinks. You dreaded making your way down the stairs, and you had to pause and lean your back on the wall halfway down. You heard someone call your name, and they too sounded so far away. You jerked when a pair of hands landed on your arms.

“Y/N? Y/N, are you okay?”

You stared at Harry for the longest time, wondering what he was still doing here when it clicked. You frowned at him.

“Did you put something in my drink?”

Your words were slurred, but he understood you nonetheless, and his eyes widened.

“What? No!”

“You did, didn’t you? I…I only had two drinks, and this didn’t start until after-.”

“Y/N, I wouldn’t do that! Come on, let me-.”

“No!” you jerked away from him. “Is this your way of getting in my pants, anyway?”

He frantically shook his head, concern and worry and disbelief all rolled into one in his gaze.

“Y/N, you have to believe me! I wouldn’t do this!”

You scoffed, pushing against him, but it was weak.

“Believe you? How could I trust anything you say?”

He blinked, something clicking in his eyes as he looked down the stairs and back to you.

“Y/N, I didn’t get the drink for you. Did Parker not tell you he saw me? He gave me the-.”

“Hey, what’s going on?”

You both turned to look just as Peter came up the stairs. You stumbled towards him, fighting off Harry’s hands as Peter wrapped his arms around you.

“He put something in my drink,” you whispered, on the verge of passing out.

“What?” Peter demanded, tightening his hold on you.

“Y/N, listen-!”

“You’ve done enough, don’t you think? Get out of here, Harry, because if I tell my frat brothers you’re drugging girls they aren’t just going to let you walk out of here,” he threatened.

Harry stumbled over his words as Peter helped you back up the stairs.

“Leave,” you heard him snap at the other brunette.

Your fingers dug into his arm as he helped you walk down the hall, arms tightening around you.

“P-Peter…”

“Hey, hey… It’s okay. You can crash in my room, tonight, yeah?”

You’d only been in his room a handful of times, the both of you usually hanging out at his place. It was always clean and always smelled good, and you had thought to yourself before that it was no wonder girls kept coming back. He sat you down on his bed, and you struggled to sit upright.

You heard him fumbling around in his drawers and looked up just in time to see him coming over with a huge t-shirt. You didn’t mind when he helped you out of your clothes, welcoming it during your inebriated state. His fingers grazed your skin as he slid the shirt over you, resting his hands on your shoulders.

“Y/N, can you hear me?”

“Y-yeah,” you stuttered, blinking at him.

He took his thumb to widen your eyes, getting a good look at your pupils. You felt like you were having an out of body experience, and you were grateful for Peter. You didn’t like feeling like this, and you shuddered to think about what would have happened to you had Peter not been here.

“Thank you,” you whispered.

He ran his eyes over you before resting them on your fogged-out ones.

“You don’t need to thank me,” he said with a small smile. “What are best friends for?”

You struggled to return the smile, and he brushed his hand along the side of your face. Your eyes fell closed at the gentle feel of his ministrations. You were somewhat in shock that Harry would do such a thing. A rapist was a big leap from cheater and liar, and you wondered what drove him to do it. He had a girlfriend, but maybe he was truly that greedy and disgusting?

You forced your eyes open when you felt Peter’s hand on the side of your neck. You blinked, eyebrows furrowing as you watched him lean in.

“Peter-.”

You were cut off when he pressed his lips against your own. Your eyes widened, and you reached up to press your hands into his chest, but you had no strength. His hand slid to grip the hair at the back of your head, tightening his grip as he leaned into you.

You mumbled incoherently into his mouth as he laid you down, his lithe frame immediately settling against yours. His other hand was on your naked thigh, his t-shirt riding up to brush against your underwear. You turned your head, gasping for breath.

“Peter…stop,” you panted. “W-what are you doing?”

He didn’t answer you, opting instead to pull away and reach behind his head to pull his shirt off. You blinked as you were met with the sight of his bare chest. He leaned down again, pressing his lips against yours. He simply swallowed all of your protests, and you turned your head away again.

“Peter!”

“I’m doing what I’ve wanted to do for years, now,” he whispered against your cheek.

Your eyes widened, and confusion filled you.

“…what?”

You tried to scoot back on the bed, but he only followed, his frame still caging yours in as you both moved. His eyes were hard as he looked at you, and you felt tears collect as you fought not to cry.

“Harry gets everything, you know. It’s all just so easy for him, but I’d never let him have you,” he murmured, pressing kisses to your neck. “Not after I worked so hard to save you…for myself…”

You pushed against him again, but he didn’t budge.

“No, no. Peter, what…what are you…?”

Nothing was making sense, and your head hurt and your body felt heavy and the room was spinning. Nothing he was saying was making sense.

“Peter, you’re my best friend… This doesn’t make any sense…”

Your head lolled, much too heavy to lift as you heard him fumble with his pants. Panic gripped you, but you could hardly move. You groaned when he pressed himself against you, and you could feel him hard and throbbing between your thighs.

“Peter,” you mumbled.

“I’m going to be the only person who gets to be inside of you. The only one to know what it feels like to have you wrapped around them. God, I’ve always wanted to know what you feel like,” he whispered, kissing you again.

His fingers made their way to your core, rubbing you through your underwear. You reached up to grip his arm, but you were sure that your hold was featherlight. You let like your body weighed a ton, and the smallest of movements took so much out of you.

You whimpered as you felt your underwear grow damp, and Peter wasted no time in pushing them to the side before pushing a finger inside of you. Another soon followed, and you were panting beneath him as he worked his hand in between your legs.

“Please…stop,” you begged. “I’ll scream…”

“Can you?” he wondered, lips brushing against yours.

Tears spilled over at his question. He was right. Could you even scream? You could barely speak.

“Even if you could scream, Y/N… There’s a party going on. Who’s going to hear you? Hmm?”

He was dragging your filthy underwear down your legs, now.

“Peter, please. I’m your best friend… Please, don’t do this to me,” you pleaded.

Peter’s eyes met yours.

“It’s just been us our entire lives. All we ever needed was each other. I want to keep it that way,” he said.

You yelped, pressing your nails into his back as he slid inside of you to the hilt. Your legs were limp around him, a scream caught in your throat. He leaned down to kiss your wet cheeks, shushing you as you struggled to adjust beneath him.

He took his time as he pulled out of you before sliding back in, groaning at the way you clenched around him. You pressed your nails harder into his back, and he hissed before reaching back to grip your wrist, pinning it to the bed. He did the same with the other and kept a steady pace.

You panted beneath him, eyes fluttering closed. Whatever was coursing through your system made it impossible to focus on anything other than the way his hard length felt dragging against your walls. His eyebrows were furrowed in concentration as he thrust into you, never taking his eyes off of you as he watched your face.

His grip tightened on your wrists, and you gasped at the pain.

“Peter…”

“It’s okay. Just enjoy it, Y/N…”

You gasped again as he picked up his pace, forehead dewy with sweat. He buried his face in your neck again, chest pressed against yours as he pinned you to the bed, unrelenting in his thrusts.

“You’re mine,” he murmured. “You’re finally mine…”

Something that was a cross between a choked moan and a sob escaped you.

“I want everyone to know it-.”

“No, Peter-!”

“I’m going to fuck you until the sun comes up, so everyone in this house will know you belong to me. You’re my girl, Y/N. You always have been,” he moaned. “…and when you limp out of this house with my marks on you, everyone will know it.”

He came in you with a low moan, and you sobbed into his chest as he rolled over, curling you against him. He ran his fingers down your back, lips brushing your forehead.

“I’ll make you come before the night is over,” he whispered. “I’ll be the only one to ever touch you like this.”

You shook your head, and he rolled you back onto your back, still inside of you. His dark eyes bore into your own, fingers trailing over your trembling body.

“You know exactly what I’m capable of, Y/N… You know the things I can do. I’d hate to have to hurt someone for touching what’s mine.”

~

tags: @sherrybaby14​ @kellyn1604​ @xoxabs88xox​ @mcudarklibrary​ @darkficreposter​ @villanellevi​ @sebabestianstan101​ @harringtonsblackgf​

@opheliadawnwalker3​ @jtargaryen18​ @notyourtypicalrose​ @readermia​

[willddheartt]

Just Let Me Love You to Death | Randall Carpio

Summary: The where they realize they’re more than friends and have been since day one. 

Inspired by: Just Let Me Love You to Death - Chord Overstreet

Word count: 2.9k

Masterlist

I know you're troubled about Changes that are weighing you down When life just ain't fair It's okay to be scared Nobody's that figured out

The weight of your Freshman exams had really been retting to you, spending most of your time locked away in your dorm cramming every last bit of information before your next exam. By the end of the week, you were burnt out and tired. On top of it all, you were beginning to feel like you chose the wrong major and it was far too late to change it. 

“I know you’re in there, y/n,” A voice accompanied by knocking came through the door. “You have a key, Randall,” You yelled back, not bothering to get up from your bed to greet him.  “Woah,” was the first thing he said upon entering the room, you had pages and papers everywhere. The exam stress wasn’t hard to see. “You look like you need a nap,” Randall said, sitting at the edge of your bed  “Nah,” You mumbled, looking at the time on your phone, “Had an energy drink about an hour ago, I’m good,” You shook your head  “Your next exam isn’t until next week,” Randall shook his head at you, “I’m sure you can take a small break and come get lunch with me,”  His smile was almost enough to make you cave right on the spot, but you convinced yourself that you needed all the time you could get to study for this next exam. Your grade now was almost failing and if you did poorly on the exam you’d definitely fail. “I really have to study,” You shook your head  “If you don’t take a break your brain is going to get fried,” Randall sighed, grabbing your notebook and pen from your hands. You almost put up a fight but were too tired.  “Get dressed, we’re going to lunch,” He said leaving no room for argument. 

“Have you been sleeping?” Randall asked, looking at you with worry from across the table at The Blade and Chalice You shook your head, “No, at least not much,” you rested your head in your hands, “The most I’ve been getting is two, three hours at the most,”  The boy shook his head at you, his brows laced together with concern, “That’s not good, you know,”  You nodded, “I’m aware,”  “Is there anything I can do to help?” Randall asked  “It’s just the exams,” You shrugged, “I can’t help the stress,”  “You’re going to come over tonight, and take a break from all the notes, and get a decent night’s sleep. I’m not taking no as an answer,” He pointed at you, dark brown eyes looking into yours  “Yessir,” You nodded. 

And I know a place we can hide Paint our own world full of life Ride off in the sunset Get lost in the moment Even if it's just tonight

You almost forgot how it felt to lounge around, doing nothing for an evening. For the past two weeks, you were cramming and preparing for the upcoming exams and hadn’t given yourself a break once.  Although you’d never tell him, you were thankful that Randall pulled you away from your books for the night, it was refreshing to be outside of your dorm for once.  He brought you over to the packhouse and set a strictly ‘No Exams’ rule, you couldn’t talk about the exams, and he even took your phone so you couldn’t see if any marks came back. Some might call what he did evil, but he was right, you needed a break. 

The late afternoon slipped away into the late-night right before your eyes. You and Randall spent the evening watching movie after movie, one right after another, as you curled up in his queen size bed with him laying right behind you and his laptop set up on a pillow so the both of you could see. You hadn’t realized how sleep deprived you actually had become until you finally passed out, Randall noticed and turned the volume down on his laptop and pulled a blanket over the two of you, his arm finding its way around your waist as he closed his eyes to fall asleep as well.  If you would have known the night was going to come to an end so quickly, you would have savoured it a little more. As the bright morning sun woke you up, you rolled over onto your back waking up slowly.  Randall was still asleep next to you, his arm lazily slung around you. Seeing him asleep was a rare sight, he always got up before you no matter what, he looked peaceful, and dare you say a little cute. Reading the time on his alarm clock it was only 6:30 AM, you could roll over and go back to sleep for a few more hours. Thanking the gods, you curled into Randall’s side and drifted back to sleep, to truly rest up for the rest of the week. This was the first night in a week that you slept properly. 

Baby, sink in this bed Stare with me at the ceiling Let's lay here catching our breath And if we slip away While we're high on the feeling I promise we won't have regrets If you just let me love you to death

Finally, exams were over and you finally felt like you could breathe again. You fell backwards onto the bed, and let out a sigh.  “You did it, how do you feel?” Randall asked, sitting at the bottom of his bed.  “I never want to do that again,” You laughed as you sat up to face him.  “Well it does get easier, at least the stress goes away slightly,” He chuckled, “I remember my freshman year was hell I didn’t study and almost bombed out,”  “Randall not studying,” You gasped, “Wow, never heard of it,”  He shook his head, “I put in the work over the semester now so I don’t have to cram all exam week, you should take some notes,” Randall smirked  “Ugh, no more notes for a while, please,” You cringed, laying down on his bed. 

Randall followed your actions, laying down beside you. You both laid on your backs, looking up at the ceiling, your phone was quietly playing shuffled music, almost lulling you to sleep. Subconsciously you slowly inched closer to the boy until your sides were pressed together. When he noticed Randall slipped his arm under your back and pulled you closer so you were resting your head on his chest and his arm now snaked around your waist.  “This is nice,” He mumbled  “It is,” You nodded, “Can I stay over tonight?”  “What, don’t wanna be apart of the dorm parties?” Randall chuckled  “Not really,” You shook your head, “I’d much rather chill and sleep,”  “Yeah, you can stay,” He smiled  “Thanks,” You replied as you kissed his cheek 

Just 'cause I ain't one for crowds Don't mean you don't make me proud And I'm a hard pill to take And I'm the first one to say Ain't got it all figured out

As one photo spread around the Belgrave campus, someone caught you and Randall walking just outside of campus one night, the questions arose; were you and Randall Carpio a thing?  Simply put, no. You weren’t anything more than friends, at least officially. 

You hadn’t seen Randall since the photo started going around, although the school could care less if you were a thing with your R.A. the questions you were sure to get form people if they saw the two of you made you want to hide away in your dorm forever.  You pulled the photo up for the millionth time, in the millisecond that had been photographed, you were caught giving his cheek a short kiss as you held hands walking down the street. What everyone didn’t know was that night the two of you were walking around town and a group of creepy douche bags wouldn’t leave you alone, and so, Randall, did what any good friend would do. He played the role of your boyfriend until you got far enough away from the group of guys. 

“Come in!” You shouted in response to knocking on your door.  “Hey,” Randall said, stepping inside and shutting the door behind himself  “Hey,” You replied, glancing up from your notebook quickly to send him a half-smile the looking back down to the paper  “Haven’t heard from you in a while, are you alright?” He asked, sounding concerned. “Just with that thing going around I wanted to check on you,”  You nodded, “I’ve been great,” You said, coming off more sarcastic than you meant, “Sorry,” You immediately mumbled, looking down. 

“I’ve been waiting for this to blow over. It doesn’t matter where I am on campus, someone has to ask the same question I’ve heard a hundred times,” You sighed, leaning back against the headboard of the bed, laying your notebook on your lap. “It’s like they never stop,” Randall nodded sadly, “But it’s nothing about you,” You followed up quickly, seeing how he frowned.  “Seems like it,” He mumbled  “No,” You shook your head, tossing your notebook on the pillow and leaning forward to pull Randall to sit on the bed, “I’d never be embarrassed or anything like that about being seen with you, Randall,” You said, your hands coming up, instinctively, cupping his face, looking into his soft brown eyes as you spoke. “You’re literally amazing and I really do not deserve to have you as my friend, I’d do anything if you needed me to. I can promise you with every part of my soul that I haven’t been avoiding you because of what’s going around.” You finished  “Then why?” He asked  You sighed, looking down and breaking eye contact, “I thought you’d want some space while it’s still going around. I didn’t want to be too clingy and annoying, I imagine you’re also getting the same questions about me, as I am you,”  He brought his hand up to your chin, forcing you to look at him.  “I really don’t care what everyone else is saying about us, y/n. Fuck em,” He mumbled, “They can talk about what they think we are until they’re blue in the face, but at the end of the day we know what we are and that’s all that matters. You’re one of my best friends and I’ve felt lost without you. Hell, let’s give them something to really talk about if you want to,” Randall said, holding your chin up as he spoke. Tears almost came to your eyes, nobody has ever been that committed to your friendship before.

“What do you mean by give them something to talk about?” You asked, trying to stifle a laugh or chuckle in an attempt to hide the way your eyes were beginning to gloss over. 

-

In the moment, posting what you did seemed fun and playful but as you continued to get likes, comments and messages you wanted to delete it and forget it was ever posted.  With his phone propped up on a stack of books for a makeshift tripod, you and Randall sat on the edge of your bed looking at each other as he turned his phone on to video. He looked back at you, waiting for you to nod and give the go-ahead. Once you took a breath and nodded, Randall leaned in, his hand coming to the back of your head and your hand coming up to cup his cheek before you knew it his lips were on yours. Connecting in the most butterfly inducing kiss you’ve ever had. He kissed you for longer than you anticipated and when he pulled away to look at the camera you looked down at your lap as you caught your breath. And before either of you had second thoughts he posted it, captioned with the genius, ‘Were just friends!’ 

While Randall sat back, smiling at his great idea to confuse the entire student body of Belgrave, you laid looking at the ceiling feeling dizzy like the room was spinning around you. Never had you felt like you’d been drugged form a kiss.

Baby, sink in this bed Stare with me at the ceiling Let's lay here catching our breath And if we slip away While we're high on the feeling I promise we won't have regrets If you just let me love you to death

You walked around the clearing before the old house, the was the stars sparkled and twinkled in the sky never ceased to amaze you. Just like a little kid you stumbled around the uneven ground looking straight up. Randall followed behind you, grabbing your hands pulling you along with him so you didn’t fall.  Tearing your attention away from the darkening sky you looked to Randall, you could see the reflection of the sky and stars in his eyes as he looked down at you. Your hands came to rest behind his head as his rested on your hips.  “Dance with me?” You asked with a smile  The boy nodded and you started to sway, dancing to the nonexistent music. You got carried away and attempted a waltz, complete with the spins and dips. As you got ready for the final dip Randall’s grip on your hand slipped and it sent you both tumbling onto the soft grass below. You both fell apart in a fit of laughter that died down quickly when you noticed how close you two were. 

The sky reflected in both of your eyes, you hoped the stars hid the admiration for him your eyes held, fearing what could happen if he found out how you were beginning to realize you felt. After brushing a piece of hair out of your face and kissing your cheek Randall laid on his back looking up at the almost dark sky. The completely innocent actions sent a blush to your cheeks as you rolled onto your back as well.  Once again you felt dizzy like the ground was spinning around you, the only thing that kept you grounded was yours and Randall’s arms pressed together as you laid next to one another in the tall grass, looking up at the sky. 

Baby, sink in this bed Stare with me at the ceiling Let's lay here catching our breath Oh, if we slip away While we're high on the feeling I promise we won't have regrets If you just let me love you Just let me love you

“Randall,” You laughed as he pushed you down onto his bed, grabbing onto his shirt as you fell you pulled him on top of you. As he hovered over top of you both of you held your breath, too scared to move thinking the other would move away at the first sign of one small movement.  Gently you let go of his shirt and moved your hand up to his neck, following your actions Randall let one of his hands come to your cheek, leaving the other by your shoulder to support his weight above you.  “Are you going to do something?” You whispered, not wanting to make the first move. And with that, he leaned in until your lips met in a soft kiss before pulling away slightly until you pulled him back for another, harder, kiss. 

You never understood when the books and movie said it felt like fireworks when kissing somebody until now. As you kissed Randall it felt like every nerve ending you had was lit alive, and you became hyper-aware of every little movement either of you made. Your hands tangled in his hair before he pulled away. Your lips parted slightly and your eyelids slowly fluttered open, being met with his dark brown ones. His eyes flickered from yours down to your lips until you leaned up and connected them this time, closing the space between you and pulling him close again. This time Randall flipped you over so you were sitting on his waist and he was leaning against his headboard. He kissed you like you were the last bit of water on earth and he had just spent an eternity in the desert.  At that moment you were the only two people on earth, and you didn’t care about the complicated consequences that may come later. 

Your lips were red and swollen as you laid next to him. Your hair was messy and his shirt wrinkled, you both laid looking up at the ceiling, painting as you caught your breath. Neither of you could recall if you had breathed at all as you kissed. Your mind still hazy, you weren’t even one hundred percent sure this wasn’t just a very realistic dream. 

“Do you regret that?” Randall asked from beside you “No, do you?” You asked, your voice barely above a whisper “Not at all,” You could basically hear the smile on his face, in his voice.

“Does this change anything?” You asked after a moment  “Do you want it to?” He asked  You stared at the ceiling for a moment as thoughts tumbled around in your head, “Yes and no.” You sighed, “I like the way we are now, but I’m not denying anything else,”  Randall nodded, “We’re still just us no matter what,”  “Just friends who kiss occasionally?” You asked, turning your head to smirk at him “Maybe more than occasionally,” Randall smiled after giving your lips a quick peck

Baby, just let me love you to death

[misskatieray]

Fearless (Taylor’s Version): What It Means To Me

The day I bought this album, I could never have known how it was going to guide me, follow me, and change me. 

1. Fearless:

A song that perfectly describes something I had not yet experienced at the time. And now, 12 years later, it reminds me of what it felt like falling in love at 17 with the man I now fall asleep next to every night. 

These song lyrics were EVERYTHING to me at age 13, so much so that I made them my Facebook status about 5 times a day. They actually became the ice breaker for me and a boy I had a crush on (seen in the comments below), who later broke my heart and became a little more “Forever & Always.”

2. Fifteen:

Being 13 when this song came out gave me a lot to look forward to. When I turned 15, this song became my anthem. I started age 15 with a boy that said he loved me and entering high school. I ended 15 playing guitar and performing on my own. It was honestly one of the most formative years for me.

3. Love Story:

My mom, my best friend and the best human, was such a good sport about listening to me go on and on about my obsessions. T-Swift was one of the biggest. She fully invested herself into the things I loved. And while many young girls would be ~sooo~ embarrassed by it, I loved every second of it. She got the songs I would blare in the car stuck in her head, like Love Story. 

4. Hey Stephen:

This was one of my favorites. I felt every lyric in my soul at age 14. And looking back, its funny how applicable this song became. I’ve been with the man I love for 8 years now, but we were only 17 when we first started dating. And he had multiple girls chasing after him, so he had some choices to make. But I wrote a song. And he heard the song. And I think that’s when he really understood how strongly I felt towards him. So the lyrics really came true for me...

“All those other girls, well they’re beautiful, but would they write a song for you?”

And now I live in Nashville with this man, chasing my dreams in country music. I even got to meet THE Stephen. My teenage self would be on cloud 9. 

5. White Horse:

It’s been 12 years and I still can’t play this song on guitar. But I’m going to learn soon, I swear. 

The lyrics “My mistake, I didn’t know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand” STUCK WITH ME. I had really only known how to express any negative emotions through fighting, something my early relationships reinforced. But this man, the man I love, helped me learn early on how real communication works. And it makes life with him so wonderful.

6. You Belong With Me:

OKAY, LISTEN. I first heard this song blaring from my CD player, alone in my room on a typical Tuesday night. The boy my heart ~ached~ for was dating someone else; someone that genuinely did not understand him the way I did.

“I’m in my room, it’s a typical Tuesday night. I’m listening to the kind of music she doesn’t like.”

When that line played, I was FLOORED. IT WAS LIT-ERALLY ME. my 13 year old self was s h o o k. About 6 months later, this boy would realize he did belong with me. So this song has a special place in my heart. (More on that relationship in my coverage of “All Too Well.” Stay tuned.)

7. Breathe: 

I first learned about the phrase “clean break” while reading Twilight (New Moon). So to this day, this song always reminds me of Twilight. And I was, of course, a Twilight fanatic in 2008. So I had this song on repeat. 

8. Tell Me Why:

Remember “Fearless” guy? Well, he makes a comeback here, folks! Literally about 2 weeks after the Fearless statuses, he inspired some Tell Me Why statuses (please excuse the typo). Teenage love: burns bright, and burns fast. 

9. You’re Not Sorry:

Some days, I sit down at the piano and just sing this song. Because it feels so damn good. This song has a piece of my heart, because it is so raw and well-written. I will never tire of it. I can’t wait for 2021 Taylor to absolutely slay it. 

10. The Way I Loved You:

This song is so funny for me to listen to now. Because it was very accurate for teenage me. I had a 7th grade boyfriend who was sweet, and nice, and polite. But the spark was NOT there. Nope - instead, I wanted to be with the moody, cynical, mysterious guy. And I was only 13! So, I’d listen to this in my headphones on car rides and create music videos in my mind starring these two boys. I am so thankful I found my man at 17, because I’ve learned that the deepest love doesn’t need a roller coaster to be exciting and wonderful. 

11. Forever & Always:

I am not emotionally able to handle this one. I felt ALL THE THINGS when this came out. It was sassy, it was emotional, it was savage, it was real. I was #TeamTaylor. And the PIANO VERSION??? I was never the same. 

I’ll never forget my dad constantly asking me, “But WHY does it rain in his bedroom??”

“Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide, like a scared little boy?” - My relationship at age 14 was one that really impacted me for years. It was exactly what this verse implies - I had to watch every word I said, for fear he would run away. Because it felt like I would say ONE word out of line, and it was emotional chaos. This song really got me through the rough days during that.

12. The Best Day:

This song has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. I recently played it on a Mother’s Day live stream I did, and I couldn’t get through it without crying. My mom is my best friend on this planet. When I felt like I had no one, I had her. And she’s supported everything in my life. There is absolutely no way I could ever thank her enough. And now she lives 900 miles away. When I need to cry about missing her and our car rides and our Netflix binging, I just listen to this song. 

13. Change:

I wanted to print these lyrics out and put them in my locker freshman year. I had a good life: a good family, a couple close friends, stability. But I never really felt like I quite fit in at school. I didn’t feel like the people around me actually understood me at all. I had undiagnosed OCD and anxiety, and I knew I had dreams bigger than my suburban junior high could provide. But when I played this song, I felt inspired and hopeful. 

And these things DID change. Hallelujah.

It’s the character development for me.

------------------------------------------------------

Honestly, I would not be who I am personally or musically without this album. Seeing the Fearless tour showed me everything I wanted in my music career. Having these songs gave me an outlet for all the crazy teenage emotions I didn’t know how to handle. It’s nostalgic to hear all these songs again, 12 years later. But even more than that: it’s a beautiful opportunity to see the growth we’ve all experienced in the past 12 years. 

Head first, fearless. 

(Catch me covering all 13 songs on my TikTok: @ katieraymusic )

[whatevenismyaestheticidk]

Things I’ve heard high schoolers say pt 3

Person: it’s to early for me to be alive right now

Teacher: who invented math? Student: Lincoln.

Teacher: You feel as if you get low marks on this 5 paragraph essay you’ll end up poor and homeless and addicted to drugs. Student 1: Yes. Student 2: That’s exactly how it works. Student 3: I mean… you’re not wrong.

Student: It’s called panic and I do it well. I do it very well.

Student 1: I need to get glasses. Student 2: I need to get a will to live.

Student: Physics eats brains for lunch and sucks ass for dinner.

Student: Fuck you Perry the platypus!!

Student: he’s an Asian white supremisist. How does that even happen.

Teacher: After treating him like dirt for 7 years what is he to me? Student 1: Friends? Student 2: Lovers?

Teachers: We can’t have poor people running the place, that’s stupid.

Teachers: It was illegal to be alone because when you are alone you commit a sin.

Student: They play with your intestines? Like jumprope???

Student 1: you make me want to kill myself Student 2: Bitch please! I’ve been making myself want to kill myself for years.

Teacher: If you’re in my class don’t be acting the fool

Student: that’s it! You’ve lost your titty privileges

Student: I have the bladder of an octopus please let me go to the bathroom

Teacher: America broke up with Britain through text and by telling all of their friends but not actually telling Britain.

Student: my peripheral vision up is about as good as a fucking snail’s.

Student: I am allergic to myself.

Student: she brought my coconut juice. I’m going to cry.

Student: my name is Bitch.

Student: my elevator is literally a vsco girl

Student 1: what do you think? Student 2: I think I’m a fucking slut.

Student 1: I look like a lightbulb Student 2: A cute lightbulb. 10/10 would screw you (in)

Teacher: No one likes Axe, but its your friend.

Student: I am a flaming homosexual and that is why I want to dye my hair pink in honor of the women that I love so much

Student: oh my god it’s Michael fucking Jackson! *screams*

Student: Im 16 but not even very much 16.

Teacher: Theres a reason my cousin Neil trades three shifts of paramedic work so he doesn’t have to work on the night of the full moon.

Student: I know it sounds scary running from the police but it’s actually just leisurely walking away from them.

Student: I was washing my hands after lunch and this guy just started bleeding out next to me.

Student: I’m just saying, I would wear a full out prom dress to school and no one could stop me.

Student: I have the strength of a roasted peanut.

Student 1: Avacodo’s are thicc though. If there was a sexiest food event then avocado would win hands down. Student 2: what about peaches Student1: I would 100% fuck an avocado.

Student: chicken nuggets re the dad bod of the food world.

Student: in conclusion: gay.

Student: Hey Mr (Teacher) can you please elaborate on your outfit choice today?

Teacher: Dueling? You know the 10 paces fire? The thing that Hamilton is known for but he was a lot better at?

Teacher: Dreams are kinda wack Student: But this is another level of wack.

Student 1: Im just saying you could totally suck a dick by mistake. Student 2: How? Student 1: Like if you’re watching a movie and he’s holding a soda bottle between his legs and you want a sip but it’s dark you could totally accidentally suck a dick.

Student 1: hurry the fuck up Student 2: that is not how you treat people, you need to have some respect. You say PLEASE hurry the fuck up.

Student: You know, Stockholm syndromes. Like when someone is kidnapped and then catches feelings for their master, daddy kinks, that kinda shit.

Student: IF I were to eat Donalt Trump’s ass it would be so white I’d get retinal cancer just from looking at it.

Student: You were texting her which made us loose the quizlet live game! She is a whore!

Teacher: you’re a dirty old man, you read the script

Student: you’re my hwb. Homies with benefits.

Student 1: I’m a shell 2: I’m a crab. 3: what do crabs do to shells 2: I’m going to go live and eat inside you then eventually leave you for another

Student: Ayyyy!! We’re getting mono!!

Student: Stop catching feelings you dumb emotionally suicidal bitch!!!!

Teacher: *Student’s name* you need to find friends who love you.

Student: Is that a kneecap? *fake cough* Slut. *fake cough*

Teacher: Yah Buccanan was our first gay president. Student: But he was a Democrat! Teacher:… you DO know that people can be gay and a democrat.

Student: This whole book was just a giant KFC commercial.

Student: he other day I tried to zoom in on a book.

Student: every time I head an Indian person talk it’s like they’re raping me but in a good way.

Student: You canned corn of a human.

Student: you look like a broken piano

Student: There’s no room for Jesus! I don’t want to see him!

Student 1: Tiger sharks are the goats of the ocean. Student 2: Wrong. I’m the goat of the ocean.

Student: Florida is the Bermuda Triangle of stupid shit.

Student: Jesus has a plan for me, and I don’t think it’s in his textbook of an agenda.

Student: did you talk to her? Because I’m pretty sure blowing up a school is frowned upon.

Student: and that’s on period no tampon.

Student 1: what would your stripper name be? Student 2: Ruby. Teacher who over heard: Excuse me. Teacher here, stripper conversation over there. Please move the inappropriate conversation somewhere where I can’t hear it. Vanilla Pudding. (the thing about this one, was she was telling us that in the past, her stripper name was Vanilla Pudding)

Student: (Different student’s name), if I told you that I was possessed last night would you believe me?

Student: (Teacher) I was possessed last night, is there, like, biology to support that?

Student: Could I theoretically live forever if I drank infinite 5 hour energies.

Teacher: I have more glue sticks I just don’t put them out because the freshman eat them.

Student: drinking chocolate milk isn’t good for you it just like tragic.

Student: who do people even get stds, I can’t even get dms

Student: Tell me you’re kidding. Tell me you did not find my house by looking at snap maps. YOU HAVE MY ADDRESS!!!

Student: Hey you lived in Africa right? Does that mean you can say the n word?

Student: Someone threatened to open up my chest, piss in it, and close it back up.

Student: For how good I am at catching feelings, you’d think I’d be better at sports.

Student 1: I’m a Taurus. Student 2: I thought you were gay.

Student: So if I ate a tide pod then ate a t-shirt what would happen?

Student: Buddhism is just a series of vibe checks until eventually one works.

Student: why does bugs bunny have so much cleavage??

Student: Don’t underestimate snoopy you fucking heathen.

Teacher: So what you’re saying is when the okay boomer generation dies we won’t be racist anymore?

Student: Venus is in retrograde and that’s why Im not dealing with your bullshit.

Student: What is wrong with you. No sincerely. What made you think that eating a green banana is okay.

Teacher: You know Up? In the movie there’s this dog and when he’s talking then he’ll turn and say squirrel. That’s like me. I think I have adhd.

Student: you absolute tea drinking taxes liberal.

Student 1: if you see my cat run. She’s psycho. Student 2: Can I run her over with my tires?

Student 1: I will drive us through the gates of Shaw and into the water. Student 2: I hope we blow up underwater.

Student 1: Juxpositioning my rain boots with my lingerie. Student 2: those rhyme. Wait no they don’t!

Student: when he says he has a tenor recorder, but really we all know he only has a soprano recorder.

Student 1: you’re shoelaces are untied Student 2: I know. I hope I trip on it and die. Student 3:I felt that

Student: Every time I see a 9/11 ad I always pretend to have a panic attack.

Students chanting: Eat the rich. Eat the rich. Student 2: Rich, more like Bitch.

Student 1: UWU I’m going to lock you in my gas chamber Student 2: Primes flame thrower UWU

Student: I’m not Like other girls. I die on command

Studrnt1: Turkey bitch Student 2: she just called you a turkey bitch Student 1: yes you specifically are a Turkey bitch

Student: I will eat a bitches dick. Gobble gobble motherfucker.

Student 1: he opens my snaps in 10 seconds Student 2: that’s love

Student 1: My for you page is almost exclusively gays, theatre, and Percy Jackson at this point. Student 2: Those are all the same thing basically.

Student: I would have kicked so much ass freshman year if I wasn’t depressed.

Student: Navy blue is the white kid who thinks he can say the n word of the color world. He thinks that he’s black.

Student: Your nose hairs look fragrant. Would you mind if I took a taste?

Student: Boxed water tastes like what I imagine trader joes to taste like as a water.

Student: The water from Moana would be a gentle lover.

Student: we feast tonight brother. I found this in the trash can.

Student: Okay, but I cry myself to sleep BETTER than you.

Student: Can you Venmo me some titties please?

Girl holding hands with another girl: It’s a good thing we’re dating otherwise this’d be pretty gay.

Student 1: I just wanted to know if you knew Lincoln personally. Teacher: What? Student 2: We think you’re a time traveler.

Student 1: Sweetie, you’re having a breakdown over rocks. Student 2: I really hate that class!!!

Student: I love being the joker when we play chess

Student: are you saying that you finger fuck your eurethra?

Student 1: Honestly sometimes I just go onto that lofi hip hop radio, beats to relax/study to thing and just get into a fight with someone in the comment section. It’s fantastic. Student 2: Sometimes they do give good advice though, once I asked if I should ask out this guy and they responded with “No, guys ain’t shit” and I was like “aight you right, you right” Student 3: Sometimes it gets weird though, like once I went on and everyone was talking about how sex and money have become the new gods of our time, and how someday a future generation will die without ever seeing the light of the sun. Student 1: Okay but are they wrong though?

Student: It doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl or something in between or something else entirely. A bitch is a bitch, and you sir, are a bitch.

Student 1: so last night I killed and area few of your kids, I hope you don’t mind. Student 2: nah I don’t really care.

Student: what size pussy your phone got?

Student 1: I listen to songs about Greek gods and being polyamorous Student 2: I listen to songs about... smashing.

Student: Motzarella cheese is the pastel pink of the cheese world.

Student: Someone who can bench press 200 has nothing on someone that can just double fist eat Costco sized pound blocks of cheddar cheese.

Student: I will drag you down to hell and make the devil give you therapy so help me. Student: You see, we don’t conjugate words in English, much less math.

Students: well the thing about gamers is, you know they’re good with their hands.

Student: Oka first of all, we’re all on the same planet, so that’s already real small. Then, what are the chances that we were born the same species, like I could have been born a platypus. I could have been a mealworm. Then the chances that we’re in the same country then the same state then the same school like damn. Imma just vibe now.

Student 1: You’re built like a baked bean Student 2: IDK why that hurt me so much but it did.

Student: If I don’t get a hug in the next 10 minus, I’m going directly to the pentagon to tell Trump to suck my dick.

[keepcalm-andbopon]

Introducing us!!

Isabelle: @swiftie-isabelle

I’m Isabelle and I’m turning 14th in June 27! I would die for Taylor swift. I started listening to her when I was 3 and her music had comforted me ever since! She has had such a impact in my life and I’ve gotten so many amazing memories from her!

Victoria: @sinkanddroundswift

im victoria & i do nothing w my life except cry over taylor swift and not having a boyfriend . I do nothing ever except lay in bed and cry over every little detail. I eat too much food for my body. I like boys alot but they don’t like me. taylor swift claims she loves me multiple times but idk if I believe her yet. I love my cat shes a scottish fold. Beverly Hills, 90210 is my favorite tv show & High School Musical is my favorite movie. I also love grayson dolan more than I can comprehend. I have 0 friends so its me, myself, and I all the time.

Lily: @lilyadorestay

im lily and i do nothing with my life except cry over taylor swift, have people tell me to stop crying about taylor swift, and waste money on bucket hats :)

Sasha: @dropsmynamesasha

I’m sasha and I have a large obsession with food, cats and Taylor Swift

Katelyn: @redheadnamedkatelyn

I’m Katelyn and I’m 13! I don’t do anything in my life except for lacrosse and cheer and love Taylor swift. I have red hair, & Taylor Swift is my absolute best friend and my life wouldn’t be the same without her. And I owe so much to her. And basically I’m known as “the Taylor swift girl” at school so that’s kinda cool. Anyways The moral of this is I love Taylor swift!

Lexie: @drunkonswiftxo

I’m lexie, 18 years old. I have a very busy life actually, I compete in many different karate and martial arts competitions and was British Champion in 2016 with my sword and in October of this year I am competing in the World Martial Arts Games! Before any competition I usually get very nervous but listening to Taylor’s music calms me down (cringe ikr) but I wouldn’t be doing all of these if I didnt have a calming mechanism!

Natalia: @natalialovestaylor

hi! i’m natalia, i’m 15 and from the bay area. taylor has been in my life since i was 8 and i’ve been supporting her ever sense:) she makes me so happy, she’s like the sunlight in my life. i want her to know that i love her so much and i want to hug her and tell her thank you more than anything. 💗

Katie: @shapeofyouswift

hi i’m katie and i’m 16! i’m from ny and i went to all 3 metlife shows!! i’ve been seeing taylor in concert since the fearless era and i’ve seen her 11 times! i’m fortune to have met her 5 years ago at GMA and i was able to get a picture with her outside time 100 gala! taylor makes me so happy and has helped me through many rough times in my life as well as all of the happiest! i’m so thankful to have such a positive role model in my life!!

Meredith:

I’m Meredith and I love Taylor Swift more than words can describe:) I’ve been listening to Taylor since I was four and she has always been a big part of my life since then !! She inspires me everyday and makes my life so much brighter. I am so so proud of her and all that she has done!! Also, I love going to the beach and petting dogs🤩💓

Memphis: @taysmidnights

hi i’m memphis!! i play tennis and obsess over taylor swift! i’m from the beautiful state of california, and i love to surf! i first heard a ts song (You Belong With Me) in 2009, and i’ve loved taylor ever since. i am also a proud supporter of the LGBTQ+ community and have a passion for changing our world. oh, and i’m known as “that taylor swift fan” at my school, but i’m not complaining! 🧚🏼‍♀️

Brooke: @brookewhatyoumademedo

i’m brooke and i’m 14!! i live in cleveland, ohio along with some of my best friends i met through taylor!! i look a lot older than i am and it’s a good and bad thing haha. i used to play a lot of sports but i have decided to just stick with lacrosse!! i love music so much because it helps me with everything. taylor has been like my big sister since i was a baby and i’ve always looked up to her!! my stan song is stay stay stay because it always puts me in the best mood!! i love grey’s anatomy a little too much but i can’t help it. the show actually made me very interested in the medical field and as of now i want to be a pediatric neurosurgeon!! i also love volunteering and helping out my community as much as possible! and i like school which is kind of not something freshman say a lot haha. and that’s me!☀️🌸🦋💘💋

Paige: @taylorswift-paige

Hey! I’m Paige & I’m 21 (soon to be 22 😍). I live in Australia and I’ve been listening to Taylor since I was 9. The first time I saw Taylor perform live was at Speak Now and I was completely blown away, since then I’ve been lucky enough to see her perform 6 times. I’m so grateful that little me decided to listen to Taylor as I don’t know where I would be without her lyrics, music, and advice to guide me through life. Thankyou for everything Taylor, I love you so much and I’m so excited for the Lover era 💗😘

Skylar: @skylarswiftie13

Hey I’m Skylar and I’m 15!! I have been loving Taylor ever since I was 5 and I have (obviously) not stopped since. Other than obsessing over Taylor I loveee to run and watch friends and greys !! I have seen Taylor at the 1989 tour Detroit and Rep Detroit and they were hands down the BEST nights of my life and I def cried a TON hahah. I plan on going to Nash and either Chicago or Detroit for next tour! I absolutely cannot wait until the day that I get to wrap my arms around Taylor and thank her for everything she has done for me ahhh. I love you forever and always Taylor!! 🥰❤️🌈🦋✨☀️

@singitswiftie

Hi Taylor I’m ella and I’m turning 17 in August 12th! IM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEW ALBUM! I just can wait to sing along to all of the songs🥰🥰 you are my absolute favorite human and you helped me with your songs! clean means THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD to me and I just relate to it on a personal level. Thank you for supporting lgbtqia+ always! YOU DESERVE THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD

Makayla @comebackbbehere

Hey T I’m Makayla!! I’m 13 and I’ve loved you since 2009!! My stan song is Come Back... Be Here not only because it’s amazing but because it has helped me through so so so SO much. It’s amazing how you can, with just a song, literally save someone’s life from spiraling downhill. So thank you. Thank you also, for inspiring so many people. Including me! You have inspired me to sing and write songs and songwriting is now a way I have learned to express myself and a way to help me get through the hard times. You have also inspired me to be more of an activist and speak up for what I believe in. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be a proud feminist or be as educated about the LGBTQ+ community!! In conclusion, thank you SO SO SO much for everything you do and just being the beautiful, amazing, inspiring person you are. I love you more than words can express and I can’t wait for August 23rd!!! ps: I really hope we can hug someday 💗

Bessie: @flyawayswift

Hey !! I’m Bessie, I’m 17 and I’m from the UK 🇬🇧!! I love to do Ballet and Tap dancing, but when it comes to Taylor’s music it’s generally just me doing crazy dad-dancing because I cannot stay calm during her songs. There’s aren’t many words which can sum up accurately how much I love Taylor or how grateful I am to have her in my life, but I love her to the moon and back 💛 I’ve been a swiftie for nearly 5 years, and have loved her music since I was 11. I’ve grown up with her as the big sister I never had, and my biggest dream EVER is to give her the biggest hug hehehe 💛💛

ana: @taysfavourite

hey!! i’m ana and i’m 14, i’m from the uk!! i love taylor (ofc) and i do gymnastics, i also love dance and stuff like that!! i am so thankful for taylor bringing me to some of my best friends!! (i’m always open for new friends btw) and yeah i love taylor!so!much! 💋💋💋

alex: @delicateswiftiez137

hi guys! i’m alex and i’m 14 years old. I live in illinois, and i’ve been a fan of taylor ever since I first heard love story and yblwm on the radio as a kid! my stan song is fearless because I love the message it portrays, but recently i’ve been OBESSED with the whole 1989 album because it’s a literal masterpiece! besides taylor related things, one hobby of mine is swimming! i’ve been a swimmer since I was about 2 years old! anyways, I hope you all have the best day! 🧁🌸🦋💗💋

Edith: @twinfiresignsswift

Hi, my name is Edith and I’m a 15 yr old from California! Anything related to cats is my ideal thing. I’m currently the mother of a tabby cat named Jagger who is very shy, grumpy, and introverted just like me, so the two of us get along very well 🥳 both of us are def party poopers. Anyway I enjoy art, especially watercolor! Initially I wanted to become an artist when I grew up, but I realized I would be poor asf, so now I want to major in biology and become some type of zoologist because animals are the best. In 2014, 5th grader me became obsessed with Blank Space and my life immediately changed from that day on. My favorite album is Speak Now because of how magical and well written it is. My 1 brain cell could never manage to write a whole masterpiece like that all by myself. And my stan song is You Are in Love!! It makes my heart go 💕💗💓 I am so incredibly grateful that I got to see Taylor for the first time ever on rep Pasadena night 1. It was the best day of my life :,) I know so many others do not have the same opportunities; I know how they feel, so I try to stay as humble as I can. I would be such a boring and sad person without Taylor and her amazing lyrics. She is such an amazing role model. Thank you for always being there for me, I will love you forever and always, and I am so excited to see what you have in stock❤️

Jess: @jessheartstaylor

hey!! I’m Jess and I’m 14, from the UK!! My stan song is begin again, I love it so much!! IM SO EXCITED FOR LOVER! I can’t wait to see what Taylor has in store for us!! I’m so thankful for Taylor as she’s such an incredible role model and idol to me, her music always cheers me up and she never fails to make me smile!! I love her so much- forever and always!! 💕💞💓💗💖💝

jordan: @fairytaleswift

hey taylor!! the thought of you scrolling all the way down and reading this right now is insane... all of us girls love you with everything inside of us. I have been supporting you for lucky number 13 years!!! I’ve been with you since 2006! I have been to Speak Now, Red, 1989 and Rep! I am so excited for Lover! It has been an honor watching you grow and become the amazing and strong woman you are today. I love you so much taylor... I hope we get to hug soon! 💗🌥🍭🦄🌩🌸🌈💐🦋💗💓🥰💅🏻🌥

Ravae: @vaelovestaytayswift

Hey I’m Ravae!! I’ve loved Taylor for as long as I can remember my sister has listened to her forever so I grew up listening to her!! Taylor inspires me everyday to be a better person and she’s a great role model. Her music helps me through the really rough times but also puts me in a better mood through the good times! I hope to meet you one day! Love you Tay🦋💞🌈💘🥺

Gracie: @inredlipsticks

Hey, Taylor! I’m Gracie and I’m 20 as of June 22nd. I’ve loved you since debut and my favorite album of all time is Fearless. I’ve been fortunate enough to see you four times and hopefully more on the lover tour 💗 along with Taylor, I also love Selena Gomez, Disney, and dogs!! 💗🦋🌸 The four most important things in my life.

Ella: @ellalovesswift

Hey! My name is Ella and I’m 17 years old. I’ve loved Taylor ever since the day my dad thought I needed my own music instead of just listening to his, this was when I was just seven years old and my dad bought me the fearless album and I fell in love with Love Story!! Ever since then I’ve never stopped loving Taylor! Other than her music, I’ve grown up with Taylor and every day she has inspired me to be a better person! My favourite songs are enchanted, better than revenge and dress! I’ve been to the red and reputation tours in Melbourne! Other than Taylor I am a swimmer. I swim a lot and it’s been a part of my life since before Taylor! I hope one day I can hug her and tell her how much she’s impacted my life! I will always stay, love you Tay 💗🦋💓🌸

bri: @briadorestay

hi t! my name is bri and i am 13 (turning 14 on august 19th) i have loved you since i was 5 years old and my stan songs are the archer, ciwyw, and you are in love. the soft songs🥺🥺 i love you so much and i hope you never stop doing what you’re doing because you are so inspiring!! i love u so much buddy! see you one day?🧚‍♀️☁️🌸💘🥺💗⭐️🕊

[water-writings]

11/11/11

I was tagged by @demidemonwrites and @ezwriting. Thanks you guys and sorry this took so long to write! 

I know I will be breaking the rules to some extent, but I will be answering both their sets of 11 questions here. I don’t have exactly 11 people to tag, let alone 22 at the moment haha. Sorry!

Demidemonwrites’ questions!

1) Least favorite writing trope?

I’m going to be honest, I’m not entire sure. I’ve never thought of this before. I actually went through a couple forums where people are telling their least favorite tropes to see if anything struck with me. Honestly, I couldn’t find anything. Maybe I haven’t read a lot to know what I don’t like or if I’m just not that picky. I guess if things are written well I’ll be down with anything. 

I guess if I had to pick one, it would have to be “the good guy is actually the villain” trope. With Frozen I remember when I first sat down in the theater and thinking “Haha what if Hans was the villain” and then BOOM I was right. There was some other movie I watched where I called one of the good guys being the villain, but I can’t remember what it was.

2) Which of your characters are underdeveloped but you want to develope more?

My current new character for My Hero Academia, Yuriko Umeda. She’s the first character since my Marvel character, Tracey Madison, that I’m super excited to work on and write for!

3) Do you prefer writing stories or worldbuilding?

I prefer writing stories. I’ve mostly written fanfiction and gone off of worlds from fandoms. But I have recently been practicing worldbuilding by attempting to add onto the already existing worlds. I have an original story in the works, but I haven’t touched it in nearly four years. It’s there, but I’m struggling with it. Maybe one day I’ll finally figure it out. But yes, I like writing stories more so than worldbuilding at the moment. 

4) Where do you do most of your writing? (In bed, at a desk, ect...)

Literally anywhere. I write on my computer and on my phone on Google Docs so writing is portable for me. I do tend to write more on my bed or on a couch. I guess somewhere where I’m comfy.

5) If you have multiple ocs, what do you do to keep all their info organized?

Hahahaha I don’t. I’m pretty sure there have been times where I created a character in my head, came back to them months or even years later and forgot what their name was. I used to write a list of characters I created (even ones that I didn’t have stories for) back in high school, but now I don’t. I guess I just remember characters I really like. If I write for them I remember them of course, but if they are characters I have in my head and create a story for them then I tend to remember those characters. Although, I probably should start keeping them organized somehow.

6) Do you write your ideas down or are they mostly in your head?

Both. I tend to come up with ideas in my head (as everyone does haha) and when I have time I write them down on my notes section of my google doc for the story. But I also have ideas written down and in my head. Small ideas come to mind every now and then that I forget about that pop back up or they are minor details that I’ll write in as I write the story. 

7) What is your character(s) favorite food?

Yuriko’s favorite food is omu rice.

Tracey’s is Hawaiin pizza. 

Barry’s would be fried rice.

Aria’s is cookies.

Wes likes pretzels. Crunchy or soft he loves them.

Lyra’s is meatloaf. 

I haven’t thought of Barry’s, Wes’, or Lyra’s before but those popped in my head. It might change, not sure haha.

There are probably other characters that I can’t think of at the moment or characters that I haven’t written for in forever that I just omitted from this list. These are my recent projects. 

8) Out of all your character, which has the best story arc?

I guess Tracey? She’s the character who I actually write a complete story for instead of abandoning it. To this day I’m not sure how I did it, but I did. I have four stories completed in the series with her in it. The second one I liked, but looking back on it there’s some stuff I’d like to change in it. But I also think with that story I was able to develop her character more after that. 

9) Do you prefer heroes, villains, or anti-heroes?

D. All of the above. I like characters who are well written. Even if its a villain I will like their character. 

10) What character have you had the longest?

My longest character would be from my very first fanfic ever, but I don’t want people looking into that one hahaha! Out of my recent characters its definitely Tracey and Barry.

11) Favorite villian trope?

This was another thing that I’ve never thought about before and once again I looked into lists of villain tropes. I think I like bad just to be bad. One of my favorite villains is Joker and he’s evil just because. Another trope (if you count it as a trope or personality) is crazy. Harley Quinn, Junko Enoshima, and Himiko Toga are happy crazy and I don’t know why, but I love characters like that. 

Ezwriting’s questions!

1. Do you listen to anything while you write? Music, television, white noise, etc.

I tend to have something on in the background, whether it’s music, TV, or YouTube. I just like to have background noise. I do like to use music to picture scenes for stories. There’s been times where I’m listening to a song randomly one day and I just picture a new scene that has that song playing as background music and I just add it to a story. 

2. Can you describe your favorite character? Either yours or a beloved favorite from a book or any other media – I’d just love to hear about them.

Tracey and Barry are my MCU OCs. They are the Madison twins and they’ve been with me since I was a freshman in college. So about six years or so. That may have given away my age who knows lol. 

Barry worked with SHIELD and was picked up right out of high school. Tracey didn’t know what he did until the Battle of New York where she basically interrogated him on his uniform. Tracey is a hacker. She majored in Computer Science (even though I know absolutely nothing about it) and she has been playing with computers since she was a kid. She had an interest in them. 

Pepper was a friend of their mom’s so that’s how they met Tony and then the Avengers through Tony. Everything just falls into place or goes down hill from there! 

I’ve worked so much on them that they have become my favorites. But at this point, I’m taking a hard hiatus on them and focusing on other characters.

3. When you write, do you have any particular requirements before you can start? (Have to be a specific somewhere, need music, etc.)

Nope! If I end up writing, I’m lucky. I have the worst attention span and lack of inspiration at times that the moment I sit down and try and write I end up watching the most random videos on YouTube or scroll through Tumblr. It’s bad haha. 

4. Do you prefer to be hot or cool when writing? Do you snuggle up with blankets or have fans running, or are you somewhere in - between?

I’m in between. It depends on the day. Like right now I’m fine sitting on my couch in some comfy shorts and a shirt and write. But some times my legs might get cold and I’ll lay a blanket on them. But that’s usually if it’s cold out. I’m in between.

5. What kind of writing ‘quirks’ do you have?

None. I literally sit and write. I usually have background noises I mentioned in the first question (sometimes, very rarely, will I write in silence). I might have a cup of tea or a snack, but other than those I don’t think I have any writing quirks. 

6. What is your favorite book or book series?

Harry Potter, Peter and the Star Catchers, and The Truth About Forever. 

7. Is there anyone who inspires your writing?

@pen-in-hand @apocalyvse They’re writing is amazing!!

8. What first got you started in writing?

I honestly can’t even remember. I think it was this anime that’s my favorite called D Gray Man. A friend got me into it late 8th grade early freshman year of high school and I loved it. I was also a major major dork back then (probably still am but not as much) and had a crush on one of the characters that I wanted to create my own to add into the story. I think one of my friends told me about ff.net and I picked up a notebook and pen and started writing. 

I do remember a couple times in elementary school where I had to write short stories. One I think I still have in my junk somewhere that was about a dog wanting to be a sled dog and the other was I had to write how the Oregon Trail was made. That one I don’t have, but I think I remember I wrote about how a girl ran into a goblin in a forest and had some competition with him over something. She ended up using this basket she had and used it to create the trail. 

Elementary school Mel was wild. I don’t even know how I remember that Oregon Trail one. Star Kid pick up my story and make a prequel to Trail to Oregon.

9. What would you suggest to new writers?

Just write. Even if you think it’s bad, just write and post it. Someone is going to love it. You are also your worst critic. I look back at my first fanfic and CRINGE when I think about it. But I have reviews on it. I also look back on it and realize that I have improved so much since then. You improve as you write and you can only go up. If you enjoy it, keep writing. 

10. Do you prefer to write first, second or third person?

Third person for sure!

11. How do deadlines affect your writing? Do they hinder or help you?

I don’t set deadlines for myself. Unless I’m writing something for a holiday or as a present to someone. I don’t do deadlines, but I think it would either help or hinder me. It would help me sit down and write, but I also think - knowing me - that I’d procrastinate and then rush to meet the deadline. Rushing would then result in my worst work I think. Maybe. But I just don’t do deadlines. I post when I want to.

My questions

1. Do you write fanfictions or original stories and did you ever write fanfiction? 

2. Did you ever write your stories in the middle of class instead of paying attention? 

3. How many notebooks do you have filled with your writing? 

4. What’s your favorite way to write? Notebook, Word Doc, Google Docs?

5. Do you write by yourself or do you need people writing with you? 

6. Have you ever cowritten with someone? 

7. Who do you bounce ideas off of? 

8. Have you ever taken an experience from your life and written it into a story? 

9. Favorite type of music to listen to while you write. 

10. Have you ever had anyone give you “advice” that hurt you and prevented you from writing for a while? 

11. Have you ever had fans of your writing pester to write a certain way? 

I tag @pen-in-hand @apocalyvse @starsandstormyseas @loopally @morganwriteblr @writing-and-nutmeg @luciandra-writing @nightwingshero @scouthearted @invernessie41 @odpadkywriter @alalawrites

I did 12 instead of 11 since I had two sets of questions haha!

[richiardtozier]

gimme 31 with Reddie!! you know the soft sweet shit makes my heart go WOOSH💘💖💞💙💛💜

this took me one million years, but here it is. this was also requested by @starryhowll​ & @lilgeorgie​ #31 saying  “I love you” in awe, the first time they realize it

this is hella long and probably shitty but what can you do ya know i hope y'all enjoy anyway!!

also if anyone cares this set in the same universe as reminding me (ya know that fic I’m trying to write lmao) so this is my ficverse Richie and eddie in their high school years

The summer break before they went off to college hadn’t started off too great, in Richie’s opinion. As he laid across Eddie’s living room couch, staring out the window, watching the streets continue to flood as they had been all week, he couldn’t help but feel a little glum. This was their last summer before they became college students and he sure as hell didn’t want to spend the whole thing cooped up in a house. He didn’t want to complain too much though. Eddie had invited him over an hour earlier because he knew that the rest of their friends had prior engagements and that Richie grew restless and bored if he was left to his own devices for too long and for that, he was grateful. If he had to spend the first week of summer cooped up in a house, he was glad it was Eddie’s.

“This is the third time this week it’s poured down rain. The bottom has fallen out! It’s raining cats and dogs out there, Eds! A straight gully washer, I tell ya! A downpour! A real drencher! A-”

“Holy shit, Richie! Enough! How many other words for rain could there possibly be?”  Eddie interrupted his yelling with a smile evident in his voice.

“Well, since you asked, there’s-”

“No! No, forget I asked. Please, spare me!” Eddie didn’t try to hold back his laughter at his best friends antics, causing Richie to smile back while ignoring the warm feeling that pooled in his stomach.

“What are you doing over there anyway?” Richie questioned Eddie, who had been sitting at his kitchen table staring at his computer screen for what seemed to be forever.

“How pathetic would I sound if I told you that I’ve been obsessively refreshing my email this whole time?” He gave Richie a sad half smile as he closed the laptop.

“Well, that depends. Are you waiting for the Dominos to send you a coupon or are you waiting on your acceptance letter from NYU?” Richie sat up to make room on the couch and gestured Eddie to come sit by him. Eddie sighed, but travelled into the living room.

“Neither. I’m probably waiting for my rejection letter from NYU.” He stated glumly, ignoring Richie’s joke.

“Aw, come on, Eds! We both know you’re gettin’ in! Why wouldn’t ya? NYU would be nothin’ but lucky to have a cute little straight A baseball star like you in their medical program! Just like they’re incredibly lucky to have me in their music program! You gotta stop thinking about it too much or you’re gonna go insane.”

Unbeknownst to Eddie, Richie had also been driving himself insane thinking about it. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if Eddie didn’t get in. All the losers had been talking about all going to NYU since their freshman year. They had all wanted to stay together so that’s where they all applied. It had great programs for all of their interests. Eddie had been the last of them to apply, due to his insane mother using her tears to talk him out of wanting to leave. He finally did it though, one night at Bill’s, with the encouragement of his friends. That had been a month ago and he still hadn’t heard back.

“I shouldn’t have applied so late.”

“Yeah, maybe so, but it’s gonna be fine. There’s literally no reason they wouldn’t let you in.” Richie was talking to himself just as much as he was Eddie. For some reason that he hadn’t figured out yet, the thought of Eddie not being with him next year left a hollow feeling in his chest. He decided it was because Eddie was his best friend. That’s what they were. That’s all they were. ‘Just best friends’ is a thought he had to keep repeating to himself. Everytime Eddie would lay his head on Richie’s shoulder: ‘Just best friends just best friends just best friends’. Everytime Eddie would laugh his adorable laugh at one of Richie’s jokes: ‘Just best friends just best friends just best friends’. Everytime Eddie would get drunk and flirt with Richie and only Richie: ‘Just best friends just best friends just best friends’. Everytime Eddie looked up at Richie and bit his lip: ‘Just best friends just best friends just best friends’ .

“I hope so. Anyway, I need to stop thinking about it. You’re right.”

“As always. Now back to the problem at hand. This rain. I have never been more bored in my entire life. But I have just the thing. We’re watching that new scary movie. They just put it on netflix!” Richie was already getting up to adjust the tv before his last sentence.

“It didn’t even look scary! It’s probably gonna suck.” Eddie complained, but settled back against the couch, putting his feet underneath him, grateful for the distraction and for the man that offered it. Richie started the movie and headed back towards the couch. Eddie looked up at him and gave him a soft smile, sending butterflies through Richie’s stomach. ‘Just best friends just best friends just best friends’.

Half an hour later they were sat huddled together, eyes wide and nerves on edge.

“Richie.” Eddie whispered.

“I know. You were wrong. This shit is scary.” Eddie only nodded in response because it had reached the point in the movie where it was obvious a big jumpscare was coming. Each time the spooky music would get louder they would inch closer to each other.

“This is the longest build up to a jumpscare ever!”

“Shhh, Richie!” The movie went silent and they waited to be terrified, when a loud ‘bing’ noise came from the kitchen, which still terrified them both.

“Fucking shit!” Richie screamed as he all but fell off of the couch.

“It’s okay. It’s fine. It was just my computer.” Eddie laughed a little at the sight of the boy next him half hanging off the side of the couch, but quickly sobered up.

“What is it?”

“It was my computer. My email. Richie, it was my email!” Eddie looked at him with wide eyes.

“Holy shit, Eds! NYU! Go check it! Hurry up! Get up! What are you still doing sitting here?” He began shoving Eddie off the couch, but Eddie made no move to actually get up.

“What’s the problem?”

“Rich… what if I didn’t get in? What will I do? I can’t stay here. I can’t stay here with my mom. I can’t be here while you guys are there. That would kill me, Rich. I can’t be without you.” Richie noticed there were tears gathering in Eddie’s eyes and his heart lurched in his chest.

“Hey, come on. We’ll open it together, okay?” Richie had put his hand in Eddie’s and Eddie had squeezed it appreciatively. He then sniffed as he rose from the couch and made his way to his computer, still holding Richie’s hand. ‘Just best friends just best friends just best friends.’

Eddie opened up his laptop and sucked in a breath.

“It’s from admissions. This is it.” Eddie went to click open the email when he stopped.

“Wait.. just go over there. I wanna do this by myself.” Eddie felt childish having Richie hold his hand for support. They both tried to act like they didn’t miss the contact when Richie released his grip and made his way over to other end of the table.

“Okay. Here I go.” Eddie held his breath as he opened the email. Richie watched with anticipation as Eddie’s eyes moved over the screen. He then saw Eddie’s eyes fill with more tears and his lower lip begin to quiver and Richie’s stomach dropped to the floor.

“Oh, Eddie. I’m so sorry. Hey, who gives a shit about NYU? Fuck them! I don’t even wanna go there that bad anyway. If they don’t want you, they don’t want me!”

“Rich-”

“Me and you could go to a shitty community college, who the fuck cares? School is school.”

“Richie, I -”

“Hell, we don’t even have to go to college just yet. People take years off all the time. And we could get our own apartment. NYU or no NYU I’m getting you out of this hellhole, I promise you that!”

“Richie Tozier!” Eddie said with a laugh and tears in his eyes.

“Oh. Sorry, what?”

“I got in.”

“Wait… what?”

“Richie, I got in. I’m going to NYU. With you. Well, with everyone. We’re all going. I got in! Holy shit, Richie, I got in!” Eddie began to yell with excitement.

“Oh! Holy fuck! Eds!” Richie began to yell back and then they were both running into each other. Eddie felt himself being lifted off the ground and then he was going in circles. He wrapped his legs around Richie’s waist and giddy giggles bubbled out of him. When Richie stopped spinning, Eddie pulled his head out of Richie’s neck to look at him. Richie thought he was going to die. Eddie still had tears on his cheeks, but he had the biggest smile on his face. His blonde, wavy hair had gotten slightly messed up when he had buried his head into Richie’s neck and Richie thinks it’s the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. That thought was quickly replaced with ‘Just best friends just best friends just best friends’.

“Richie.” Eddie whispered.

“Yeah, Eds?” He whispered back. Richie was expecting Eddie to tell him to put him down or that the staring had reached the point where it was weird. Instead, he felt Eddie’s lips collide with his own. He sucked in a breath of surprise, causing Eddie to lean further into the kiss. Richie let his eyes flutter shut as his mouth caught up to his thoughts. He walked them both backwards until his back hit the wall. Eddie’s hands made their way into Richie’s curls and Richie used his to hold Eddie flush against his chest. Richie would be lying if he said he hadn’t imagined this moment before. He always laughed it off because ‘Just best friends’ would never kiss each other, but in this moment, with Eddie’s tongue making its way into Richie’s mouth and the knowledge that they would be spending another four or so years together after this kiss was over, made Richie think that they had never been ‘Just best friends’ at all. In fact, he thinks he may have known that the whole time. With that thought, he laughed softly into the kiss, causing Eddie to pull away and laugh back at him.

“What is it?” His words came out breathlessly, which made Richie want to put their lips right back together, but he had to take care of something first.

“Eddie… Eds… I love you.” Eddie’s smile didn’t falter at Richie’s words. If anything, his smile grew.

“I know. I love you too.”

“No. No, Eddie. I mean I love you. I love love you.” Richie thought Eddie didn’t understand. They both said ‘I love you’ all of the time, but Richie seemed to just now get that he may have meant it a lot more than he thought he did. Eddie, however, has known since the age of sixteen that Richie Tozier was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He had a feeling Richie shared that sentiment and had been waiting 3 years for him to catch up.

“I know, you idiot, I love love you too. I have for a long time now. I was wondering how long it would take you to get with the program.” He said with a giggle.

“Fuck. I’m such a dumbass! Better late than never though right?” Eddie stared down at Richie in a way that Richie knew he’d seen before, but now knew that the expression was one of love.

“Yeah. We sure do have a lot of time to make up for, though.” Richie let out a loud laugh at Eddie’s words and Eddie laughed right back.

“I guess it’s a good thing we have 4 more years to look forward to then, huh?”

“I guess so. I can’t wait.” Then their mouths were pressed together again and Richie’s mind kept repeating the same thought.

‘More than best friends’

[lololollywrites]

thoughts about being 29 on the internet that i just had in the shower...

...and had to write down. they were all basically just about how f**king - NEW. and surreal. the internet, its capabilities, and its fandoms can still be to me sometimes. i feel like i forget this a lot. but when i think about it, i can easily recall my wonder at discovering that it all existed in waves of smaller finds. and because i know there are others like me, i thought i’d share some of my own experiences. because honestly, i’ve had fewer years on tumblr and sites like it than some people much younger than me. i’m catching up and enjoying it.

firstly, i know i’m old to some of you, but i’m not really old. not really. i’m still a millennial, screwed over by student loans and old white men and viewed as part of the technological generation. i’m a phd student, and because i’m always on a college campus, i’ve been mistaken as a freshman. a few times. but it’s been fascinating to witness actual freshman and other college students and consider just how different things are for them and honestly? i’m sort of jealous. 

because...

i can remember when i first discovered that fanfiction existed. i was in third period tech skills as a junior in high school - 16 years old - and got a little off-topic and searched for spoilers for a new supernatural episode. this was in 2005 and the show had just come out (yes i still watch, i can’t escape).

and what did i find? somehow? fanfiction.net. i was, no exaggeration, shocked. i sat and read a full-length chaptered fic in episodic format. my mouth was hanging open. i saw thousands more fics in hundreds of fandoms and suddenly felt less strange for envisioning full-scale episode re-imaginings in my head as i laid in bed, dissatisfied with what i had just watched. (btw, i watched new supernatural episodes the sunday after they used to originally air on the wb on thursdays, at my mom’s house where i had my own room and own tiny tv, because no one at my dad’s house wanted to watch and streaming episodes wasn’t something i could even imagine. plus i didn’t have internet at my dad’s house. i know.)

not only that, but i was impressed as hell. here was me, not even aware that you could somehow upload your own text to the internet, and people were not simply writing polished stories in private but posting them somewhere that allowed for chapters. that allowed for people all over the world to read their words. that categorized everything into a huge virtual library. and, most incredibly to me, that allowed for reviews from people around the world.

i couldn’t believe that this new world was open to me. that people would be so generous as to offer amazing stories to me to read FOR FREE. that i had a limitless supply of content to read and review. i barely had functioning internet at home, so i had been sheltered. i told the people sitting next to me in class about it and encouraged them to check it out, mostly to blank stares. i may have even told the teacher, but no one cared. i didn’t understand. who wouldn’t be interested? i told my dad and my sister about it when i got home from school. i was mind-blown.

months in and many reads and written reviews later, i wrote my first fic. it was for smallville. 6 chapters, with updates every few days, that received 14 reviews in total. i read them all multiple times. i showed my sister. i checked the story stats every half hour. i cried. i wrote on the family computer secretly in the evening when most of my family had gone upstairs, because i was about half a year away from owning my first laptop. i wrote more stories sporadically for about 6 years, gradually getting better, but also gradually becoming more stressed and aware of negativity, online arguments, and the embarrassment and shame i suddenly felt about having an online presence. i found a supernatural forum at tv.com (the forums sadly no longer exist), learned about fandom, and immersed myself in posting and being part of a community that i thought understood me more than my friends. like a secret life.

during my first year of college, in 2007, i was in a friend’s dorm when he asked everyone if we wanted to watch an episode of scrubs. i laughed. surely he was joking. “how can we just watch an episode? it’s not on now and you don’t have the dvds.” i literally didn’t consider that there may have been a way. he excitedly told us that he had found some website that had episodes just... pre-uploaded. and that you could just click. i didn’t believe him. the stress of having to be at the tv at a certain time each week for fear of missing an episode entirely and forever was just part of being a fan, right? buying the tv guide and checking listings was necessary. but he found the episode. and clicked. it only took a few full minutes to load and there it was. again, i was astounded. this memory is so shockingly clear to me. it changed how i spent much of my free time, for one. just that moment.

sometime during this first year of college, i was home for break and came across a video on youtube, this new website i had started to use. it reminded me of ebaum’s world, which my friend would show me at her house sometimes because her computer was faster than mine. it was called “cat soup”, and by two guys that called themselves smosh. it had more views than i could comprehend - probably not much more than 5 digits, but still. they were just two kids i could have gone to school with who could create a funny video and get famous. again, i was shocked. mind-blown.

i showed my sister, my mom, and all my friends. they appreciated it a bit more than the fanfiction, but no one seemed to grasp how incredible and revolutionary it was. they all liked “shoes”, with the kelly persona by liam kyle sullivan (we still quote it today), probably because its budget and effects made it a bit more familiarly professional and it appeared less homemade (though it definitely was). but i couldn’t forget smosh. i was so impressed by them. i watched more videos and eventually found communitychannel and jenna marbles and eviliguana and shane dawson. i even found fan edits for my faves, buffy (maybe i saw one of phil’s, lol) and supernatural and smallville, and tried making my own. i freaked in 2009 or so when fred reached a million subscribers. a million. i couldn’t wrap my head around that. again, i told my sister and friends, expecting them to see the enormity of something so crazy happening, and they just... didn’t.

back in 2008, after watching “stick it” again, i recalled the name of a gymnast my cousin used to always talk about when we were kids - from the 1996 olympics - and looked her up on youtube. i realized that all gymnastics competitions imaginable had been uploaded. again - not to be repetitive - but i was shocked. there’s no better word. i gave myself a thorough education on the sport, traveling through time. i am still so grateful that i was able to do that.

sometime in 2009, my friends started pestering me to create a facebook account. i was a junior in college. 20 years old already. it sounded weird - pictures of me online? why? but i gave into pressure and made one. my mom had never allowed us to make a myspace; we were a bit young, and she hated the idea (now, she’s on facebook more than i am). around the same time i got my fanciest phone yet - an LG Env3. i figured out that it could access the internet and that i could use songs to create ringtones. again, sufficiently mind-blown. considering my first cell phone had been a flip phone with no camera that i shared with my sister during emergencies when i was 13, i felt that technology was coming along fast. 

smart phones were foreign to me for a long long time, until recently actually. i thought they were unnecessary for quite a while. i don’t even remember what phones i had at the end of college and through grad school, but i’m pretty sure they consisted of a series of cheap pay-as-you-go phones from walmart. in 2013, i went to china for a year to teach. i got a cheap phone there and used it for about 7 months. one day, a friend of mine gave me his old htc smartphone because he was getting a new one. i didn’t know how to use it, but i played one app on repeat before class and snapped some low-quality photos. after that, i almost immediately went to indonesia for another 9 months to teach high school (2014-2015). the htc phone died very quickly, so i used the nokia brick phone given to me by the organization. it was fine. i had never even used my old smartphone to access the internet, aside from wechat, thanks to china’s internet blocks. it wasn’t until i got home, in the summer of 2015, that i finally got an iphone. it was a huge deal and a big learning curve. it was also around this time that i found dan and phil and tumblr. i only got my macbook two years ago and finally think i have some things figured out.

so i may be old in some ways and remember floppy disks and the card catalog and using encyclopedias to write my middle school papers and huge computers with black screens and green text that displayed math problems in elementary school. i may be able to remember the sound of ancient, huge printers that used reams of paper with perforated, tearable strips down each side. i may remember aol red, dial-up, and not being able to connect if someone was on the phone. but i can also remember watching technology evolve in front of me, discovering fandom and the huge world of content and friendship that lay ahead. and when people try to say i’m too old to like dan and phil, i remind them that dan and phil can also remember. we’re the same age. i relate to them and their stories. to phil’s buffy obsession. to dan’s love of smosh. i’ve only had about 10 fully-cognizant years here on the internet, and only a couple in the world of tumblr and iphones and mobile apps. i’m young in those ways. and i look young enough that strangers sometimes think i’m a teenager. 

that’s laughable to me in some ways, because i’ve lived so much since my teen years. so much has happened. but in others, i don’t feel much different. there’s no age where you just feel grown up. that your interests vanish. that things suddenly seem childish and dumb. yes, i cringe about some things i wrote or did back then and i think i’ve matured, but my interests are all still relatively similar and i can finally explore them in ways that i just couldn’t before.

i hope that this has made sense. and i hope that some can relate.

[dorigvbcorvis]

THE MILLSTONE

I once heard that there was a cut scene or scripted but not filmed scene in Glee's Goodbye episode (S3E22) that was between Schue and Kurt...I thought anything done would be a retcon because Schue has done a disservice to all choir members not named Rachel or Finn so this little story came to mind. This is not a prequel to my Song to a Siren (AO3) story but has a lot of the same feelings.

Story Summary: The last day of school and Kurt has to unpack years of baggage  before he can literally move on.  Takes place post NYADA rejection letter.

The Millstone

The 2012 school year was over and the last of a programed system of school bells had concluded. Blaine stood in the doorway to the choir room looking at Kurt.  Most days he enjoyed watching Kurt; his boyfriend's slim frame, the stylish clothes Kurt liked to pick out to wear, or how some of those choices showed off his cotch bulge a little too nicely.  Some days it was the way his pale skin seemed to give off its own light...and ah those blue eyes - What Blaine didn't like was finding Kurt like this; frozen in place with a scrolled letter held tightly against his chest.  It was an easy guess to know what the letter said and this wasn't good news. 

Blaine felt he had to say something, he just needed to rustle up the nerve. "Coming?" He asked, finally breaking the silence - his had buried his hands deep inside his pockets for added security: he had no  idea how Kurt would reply or even if he would.

To his surprise Kurt managed to squeak out a mild toned answer. "Yeah, in just a..." Only that this was all that came out - Kurt couldn't finish his sentence and he remained frozen in the same spot where he had been for over an hour.

In Kurt's  mind he imagined that he could take off in any direction and run forever yet he also pictured that he would be only two steps into that run before he would face plant and crumble into pieces - Why couldnt he be more like Finn?  He took not getting into Pace with ease.  Maybe it was Kurt wanted it more.  Maybe it was just that he came to believe it was assured; Madame Tibideaux did like him;  didn't she?

Finn and Rachel had long since left the choir room  - Exactly how long ago Kurt wasn't sure.  He was stuck; as if being in the choir room he would be able to somehow undo the opening of his NYADA letter and maybe then he could go back to feeling how his highly praised audition would be his ticket out of Lima.  But with the rejection letter out of its envelope the apistevist in Kurt could not escape the reality of the facts.  *We regret to inform you* The words were now permanently etched in his mind.  He felt like he did on the morning that Schue & Miss Pillsbury called him out of his French III Class to tell him about his dad.  Yet for all the emotional parallels he now saw - it remained a mystery why the tears had not yet come.  He was stuck; weighted down by everything that had come before.

Kurt wanted to cry - He wanted to scream actually -He wanted to belt it to the school's rafters like one his lung bursting D6s.  This was not how it was supposed to go.   His boyfriend wasn't offering much in the way of concrete help - clearly he must have some idea of what happened or how badly he felt  - Instead he was making some random comment about Breadsticks.

"We should hurry," Blaine said. "They always run out of French-Fried Ice cream if you are not there to order it..."

Blaine immediately thought to walk this all back.  It wasn't that he was an unsympathetic guy - Quite the contrary,  he knew deeply and inexplicably Kurt was his soul mate.  He had simply heard that come rain or shine Breadsticks was where they all would go after they had opened their letters.  Blaine being Blaine this was where his stomach took over.

Now Blaine was a smart guy.  He figured out from Kurt's immobility, ashen face, and his wide eyed stare -  That this was textbook shock.  What he didnt know was what to do about it.  He knew doting on Kurt wasn't an answer - Kurt wasn't a touchy feelie kind of guy.  Likewise  he knew abandoning Kurt was not an option either - It was an impass where it seemed the best plan of action meant waiting for Kurt to make the first move -  but somehow Blaine knew that this couldn't be right. He decided he had to ask

"Kurt, damn, I know it sucks right now - I know it doesn't at all seem fair - what I need to know what I can do to help you."

Kurt answered the question with one of his own   "What didn't I do right?" he said..he needed to know why.

"You said that they only take 20 - maybe you like #21 and only just missed the cut off"

Kurt found this simultaneously the most reassuring thing he could hear and the most upsetting - To be that close.  But this did not explain Rachel.  He could be happy for her if he wasn't so pissed off about it.

"Rachel fucked up and got in - I didn't - Aiso it may cime as a shock but I have done more community theatre than she has." (*Note* It's implied in Mattress/Sectionals and there is also an 'Into the Woods' cast photo on Kurt's season 3 bookshelf)

"Really?" Blaine didn't doubt this but to listen to Rachel it seemed incorrect.

"Yeah, the music director at the playhouse also runs the Sound of Music Sing Along."

"Acting chops," Blaine said with a nod. "explains why you killed it as 'Krupke."

A single tear manage to fall now as Kurt began to recall a memory. "I was a regular until my Freshman year..."

"What happened - If you don't mind me asking?"

"High School jocks happened - They started harassing me first at school - then one day they followed me home.  They put flaming bags of dog shit on my porch hoping that I would stamp out the fire."

Blaine grimaced in full-on disgust. "Eww!"

"After that incident t-they" Kurt started now to whimper.  "tought it would be funny to nailed all our lawn furniture to the roof and then graffitied the garage with slurs.  I really thought they'd quit after the garage but the next day at school they threw pee balloons at me... after that came the dumpsters.  Then I dropped everything that mattered to me...I made a studio out of my basement so I could at least still perform.  I thought I got my confidence back in glee...but this little reminder [Kurt held up his rolled up letter] tells me it was all for naught"

Blaine couldn't hold back not embracing his boyfriend.   He tentatively placed his hands on his boyfriend's shoulders and not meeting any resistance from this he enveloped Kurt holding him up because  in this moment Kurt indeed started to crumble and break away from his mental snair in this moment too came the sobbing. "Breadsticks can wait...I don't think we should go, and I for sure not going to let you torture yourself being anywhere near..." Blaine stopped short of saying Rachel.  "You are the one who is important here - All this time I thought it was only Karoski...it wasnt it was this school."

Long time they just stood there in the choir room until only soft sobs remained.  They would have held their embrace longer if they wasn't so coldly interupted.

"Ah guys?" Schue's interruption came like the critical stop of a bird flying into a window. He had entered the choir room from his side office. "What's going on here?" he continued in a tone that was both surprised as it was accusatory  "And do I have to remind you about McKinley PDA Policy?"

"Come on Mr. Schue show some sympathy here." Blaine growled.  He wondered if the end of the school year meant Mr. Schuester somehow reverted back to some other form - One where he was now a jerk who didn't have to pretend to be Mr. Nice Guy - "Look, the policy is wrong, everyone knows it isn't enforced fairly and," Blaine made it a point to stress  "Sometime slack is warranted."

"I did cut you some slack - this was my classroom.  But after tonight this room will be The Adult Literacy Room for the duration of summer - I won't have any control over that.  I am here only looking out for you guys."

"Right and a hug is still just a hug Mr. Schue" Blaine turned to Kurt to reassure him. "Are you alright?  It's Schue"

"I  know," Kurt said, glaring at his teacher. 

Despite the clock on the wall Mr. Schuester looked at his watch for the time: 7 minutes to 5 "What are you doing in here this late anyways?"

"Mr. Schue now is not the time...really it isn't"

Kurt had stopped sobbing but now it was taking all his might not to turn hostile.  He is gritting his teeth and clinching his fists and this like most things he did in the choir room went unnoticed.

"What's really going on here?" Schuester asked rephrasing his question into a demand.

Blaine continued to speak up for Kurt. "Even if I were in a position to say anything, which I am not - you wouldn't understand - it's best that you just stay out of it and we'll be out of your hair soon enough."

Kurt was never more in love with Blaine for stepping in talking to Schue this way   But Kurt also knew Schuester all too well; unless you were kissing his ass or one of his favorites he was never easily won over.

As always Mr. Schuester  misread what he saw in Kurt. "I never took you for the sentlemental Kurt, but good for you -but I still will be wanting to close up.  I am heading to breadsticks with Emma - We just heard the great news Rachel was accepted to NYADA - I actually thought you guys would be there to cheer her on."

"Mr. Scheu!?" Blaine exclaimed. "Are you really this insensitive?!"

Kurt gave Mr. Schue one of his classic demon stares, a look that if looks could kill the choir director would be a pile of ash...Many knew Kurt didn't have much to say to his teacher - But many did not know his reason - It was something Kurt purposely kept it to himself.  Right now, if someone were to ask he gladly open both barrels and without hesitation tell how he had so little respect for his teacher that he regarded Schuester as willfully ignorant, petty, and lacking the credentials that a good teacher should have....and worse; he was a man who played favorites and threw everybody else under a bus.   Kurt pleaded with himself that he would not start back up again with the water-works  - He didn't want that, not in front of Schue.

"Is this something I can help you with?" His teacher asked, still remarkably obvious.

"No, not really" Kurt said as bluntly as he could.

"This really is a job better suited for Miss Pillsbury" Blaine added, he had not fully parted from Kurt - He couldn't do that - "It's better that you just let me handle this."

"Whatever, but at Five I am closing my doors - I need you both gone by then."

Kurt finally felt a need to take on his teacher. "You really don't know when to quit do you?"

"Do you think I owe you something?"

Kurt gave a sad half sarcastic laughed.  "Like I could imagine you'd ever listen."

"I don't understand"

"Of course YOU dont understand.  You've always been Mr. Oblivious...The man who thinks everybody loves him...Want to know why you got teacher of the year?  Everybody so just damn grateful you stopped teaching Spanish and gave Mr. Martinez your job...He would have been handed the award only Mr. Figgens said he hadn't been here long enough."

Blaine bit his tongue to avoid laughing out loud...but it was what they all thought.  "Come on Kurt we should go - before you really say something you'll regret."

"Do 'you mean there's more?"

"Do you honestly want a full rebut?  How for nearly 3 years I have been a team player but now I have nothing to show from it  - My dad ran against Sue to save your job and still I got not a damn thing in return - No Instead I was ostracized - made to listened to the guys in here call me names, and I can't tell how old it gets being throw into a dumpster every single morning.

"The guys from this class did this? 

"Yeah, the name calling, the insults,  And I think the only reason Puck stopped throwing me into the parking lot dumpster is because one time I was in uniform and Coach Sue gave him an earful... but then you knew about the dumpter long before that.  If I had dollar for every time you walked passed pretending like everything was normal"

"Ah..." Mr. Schuester was uncharacteristically speechless.  He had always enjoyed being seen as the cool teacher in front of the Jocks.  He never thought he'd ever be called out by one of their victins.  He had bought into the belief the dweebs had it coming.

"I am not done here because there's the not so small matter of the promise you made but had no qualms about breaking it with me - You told *ALL* of us how we all would have a chance to shine."

"Come on, I let you sing plenty," the choir director was certain.

"Name one venue- I will save you the trouble there hasn't been one.  That's why NYADA rejected me - You never once featured me."

"I see you blame me for your rejection do you?"

"You had a part in it, yes - You made a promise - I was just a fool to believe you make it good. Instead the closest I got was being told the only way I would get a solo is if I shaved my legs, drop 20lbs, and wore a dress...all this while being told how much I was not being a team player for saying no...and by-the-way while we're on this subject what happened to that first solo? Huh? That great idea you had just before I left for Dalton - Or were you just blowing smoke up my ass?"

"No, I really did have an idea - It was a James Bond Medley - I wanted it for sectionals I thought you could sing The Spy Who Love Me - But then you transferred -  In retrospect I think that had we done that for Nationals that year we might have placed higher."

"In retrospect you should have just left me alone at Dalton - I would be going to Columbia but at least it would be going to New York."

"But didnt those guys at Dalton almost blinded Blaine." Schuester looked over at Blaine hoping for an ally but Kurt was quick to rebut.

"...And they would not have tried had we been still there - So your point is what exactly?  You make a good play about how you are all about team work and fairness but the truth is you play favorites - Maybe by that measture I should count myself lucky I wasn't yours."  Kurt turned on his heels and headed for the doorway. 

"Where are you going" Kurt's former teacher asked.

"Not to Breadsticks," Kurt said, he was finally free.

.

[spideyxchelle]

Spideychelle roommates au: Peter and Michelle have been roommates forever and when Michelle reminds Peter they have to renew their lease soon her bf Harry asks Michelle to move in with him instead, which prompts Peter's gf Gwen to suggest they move in together as well, which sends Peter and Michelle into a tailspin because they don't want to live apart.

guys, have we all mutually decided that we like the Harry/Gwen/Peter/Michelle web of mess? because I think we have. and, honestly, i’m so down for it. so down. mmmk. let’s try and look closer at this shit show. 

peter and mj go to MIT and Harvard respectively. and those schools are really, really fucking close. so it only makes sense for them to move-in together their junior year. like, yes, duh, of course that makes sense.

they’re best friends. its a NO BRAINER. besides, peter is a human disaster and needs someone to help him at all times because of spider-man stuff. and since mj has been an official part of team spider-man since she was a junior in high school, she’s well equipped to handle his bullshit. 

a month into his Experimental Atmospheric Chemistry class. his lab partner, Dan, drops the class and he’s forced to find someone new to work with. enter Gwen Stacy. the cute, little Indian girl who has noticed peripherally for the first four weeks of class. their first lab together he says something moderately funny and she laughs in a way that sounds almost like a snort. Peter’s eyebrows raise in delight, “was that supposed to be a laugh?” she ducks her head and mumbles, “oh, shush you.” “no, no,” he corrects himself quickly, “it was cute. really cute, actually.” she lifts her head and they meet eyes. it breaks the silence of the universe. 

they spend the next two weeks of labs purposefully brushing up against each other, cracking jokes and looking at each other so intently that if looks could express a breath of feelings theirs would say: i’m looking at you and you’re looking back and all it would take is one push to be indescribably happy. 

mj hears all about superstar Gwen Stacy from peter during those two weeks. and she knows that she is probably a week or two away from meeting Gwen as Peter’s official girlfriend. and that thought doesn’t bother her. it doesn’t. 

in the end, Gwen makes the final move. they are in holed up in the library and she pushes her hair back with a hairband. “so,” she hums, “are you ever gonna kiss me….or….?” he is so startled his jaw drops. she stifles her snort/giggle hybrid and reaches across the table to push his jaw closed. he grabs her wrist, smiles and closes the distance between them. their first kiss is like spring. it melts away the harsh winter and reminds both of them what beauty looks like in sweet smelling flowers and perfect, temperate days. 

the first night mj meets Gwen she really, really likes her. she hadn’t expected not to. peter is a good person. of course he’d be attracted to someone who was good, too. but there is still a sting when she sees them kiss. 

so she declines joining them for dinner and heads off to the nearest bar to have something fruity and self-indulgent. what she comes home with instead is Harry Osborn.

he sits besides her when she arrives. and points out that he knows her. because he’s a Harvard boy. and they had introduction to philosophy together freshman year. and she was the girl who called him the height of moronic male privilege when he said something less than PC. he flushes and admits that he was “kind of an asshole”. and she heartily agrees. he laughs, it sounds like it surprises him and that delights mj. he concedes and smiles, “let me buy you a drink, to say i’m sorry.” “oh, you were a two drink offense,” she smirks. “okay,” he smirks back, “two drinks, then.” two drinks turn into three and three drinks turn into grinding on each other on the dance floor. and when she drags the beautiful Asian boy back to her apartment he apologies to her with his tongue. ahem.

the next morning is weird. 

peter wakes up early, dropping a kiss on gwen’s sleeping head, and gets to work making her breakfast. the smell of bacon drags mj out of her room. she looks rumbled and a little hungover. peter chuckles and makes her a coffee. black. she grumbles out a thank you. he teases, “late night?” she chews on her lip and easily shrugs, “maybe a little.” “went out with sally and the girls.” mj is quiet for a little too long and the back of peter’s neck prickles. “no,” mj admits. 

before he can ask where the hell she was, Harry Obsorn wanders into the kitchen shirtless and obviously well-fucked. he stares at Peter and Peter stares back. there is a beat of profound awkwardness. Harry turns his gaze on mj, “you have a boyfriend?” “no,” she rolls her eyes, “this is my roommate. peter.” 

peter feels a surge of something horrible and sick. looking at this guy he wants to…..punch him? before he can act on his base emotions, gwen wanders into the kitchen and cutely observes, “oh, i didn’t know we were having a breakfast party.” she drops a kiss on peter’s mouth and peter notices how Harry seems to relax. 

gwen turns to Harry and offers her hand, “I’m Gwen. peter’s girlfriend.” harry shakes her hand and says, “i’m Harry. and I’m-” he looks at mj who shrugs, as if to say she doesn’t know what to call him. so he supplies, “-we met last night.” mj muses, “not true. he was in my intro to philosophy class my freshman year and was a dick.” harry laughs again, always so surprised at his own laughter, “that’s true.” 

peter remains awkward for the rest of breakfast. and for the next few weeks as harry begins to become a staple in his home. gwen thinks its adorable he’s concerned for mj’s well being. and he always has to remind himself that that is why he’s cautious of harry. mhmm. 

the next year goes by without much consequence. harry and mj. peter and gwen. its never not awkward with the boys. but they manage to settle on some silent truce. mj and gwen always joke that its some dumb alpha male shit about sharing the space. 

and then, suddenly, peter and mj are getting ready to start their senior year. and their lease is up. they could do it again, they realize. re-up their lease. live together again. and they want to do that. they love netflix binging together. peter making dinner because mj burn literally everything. doing laundry together. having tea at three in the morning and talking about the world. doing team spider-man stuff together. 

it feels settled. they’ll live together again.

until. harry throws a wrench in their plans. 

mj and harry are in her bed and he casually suggests, “you know, your lease is ending.” she nods, “yep.” she doesn’t seem to quite get it. so he fills in the blanks, “you could move in with me, you know.” she balks at him, “what?” “i mean, come on, mj,” he huffs, “you aren’t dating peter. and gwen is probably gonna want to live with peter, too. it just makes sense.” 

but the weird thing is that it doesn’t make sense to her. at all. the only living situation that makes sense to her is her and peter. nobody else. and that, she is starting to think, is probably the problem. she has a boyfriend. he has a girlfriend. they probably should have spoken about this fact rather than just deciding to living together again. 

harry brings her back to the present by gently saying her name. mj startles, “right, sorry. of course. let me talk to peter about it. i owe that to him.” it isn’t a yes but it isn’t a no. harry takes what he can get and rolls over on her to distract her thoughts in a very specific way.

that night, after harry leaves, mj wanders into their living room and sits beside peter on the couch, tossing her legs in his lap. he easily starts rubbing her feet. its intimate and domestic and never scary or intense. they are just mj and peter. undeniable. 

“hey,” she whispers, “harry wants me to move in with him.” peter never thought that eight words could completely obliterate his world. but that’s all it takes. he scowls and shakes his head, “harry can suck my dick.” “okay,” mj sighs, “we’ve talked about this bullshit macho man thing with harry, parker.” “sorry,” he mumbles, “but you’re not moving in with harry.” she pulls her feet out of his hands and glares at him, “oh, i’m not?” peter flushes, “i didn’t mean…i just…please don’t move in with harry is what i meant.” 

mj meets his eyes and says something very difficult (thought it shouldn’t be), “harry’s my boyfriend.” it feels like a blow to the both of them. “and you have a girlfriend,” she continues. peter feels a well of shame. he hadn’t even considered gwen. she wasn’t even a second thought, she was maybe a seventh thought. “you could live with gwen,” mj supplies. 

peter shakes his head, “that’s…that’s not what i want.” and it costs him something to say it. its not exactly a confession but its close. he pulls himself off of the couch and goes to his room, slamming the door behind him. 

the next day gwen approaches him about moving in together. he frowns, “who told you that?” she blinks, “harry texted me.” “meddling son of a bitch,” he he curses. gwen’s eyes get sad, “do you not want to live with me?” “what?” peter says, hardly listening. she stands taller and repeats clearly, “do you not want to live with me?” “i-” he tries but he has no way to end that sentence right. there is no answer that will not hurt her.

the silence hurts enough. 

“we’ve been together nearly a year,” she says, “and i love how close you and mj are….but you should want to live with me.” “gwen,” he whispers. “no,” she pulls her jacket tight around herself, “i’m gonna go. i need to walk this off.” him. the conversation. he’s not sure what she means by that. 

meanwhile, across town, harry and mj are fracturing. he balks at her, “you don’t want to live with me?” “its too soon,” mj tries to reassure him. “no,” he laughs and its the first time he’s ever sounded mean, “no, you don’t want to live with me because of peter.” “watch your tone, harry,” mj growls. harry whirls on her, “are you fucking kidding me? i’m allowed to be fucking upset, mj. i’m in love with you. and you-” he cuts off like he thinks better of what he’s gonna say next. “no, what? go on!” she demands. his eyes darken, “i’m not gonna be second best to peter! i fucking refuse.” 

her stomach drops, “you’re not…” but that tastes like a lie coming out of her mouth. foul and embarrassing. his shoulders fall. he knows. she knows he knows. with exhausted malice, he hisses, “i fucking hate him. i hate that asshole. and i hope he breaks your fucking heart.” “harry-” she hiccups. he shakes his head and lifts his hand, “i’m done. i deserve…..i dunno….better than this, mj.” he silently grabs his coat and crosses to her door. “harry,” she tries desperately one last time. he raises his hand to silence her and closes the door behind him. its a deafening sound. 

when peter comes home after his fight with gwen, mj is curled up in blankets on their couch. “em?” he whispers, kicking off his shoes and sitting beside her, wrapping an arm around her willowy shoulders, “what happened?” “harry dumped me.” she says it so devoid of emotion. he can tell how upset she is. and he wants to throttle Harry Osborn’s perfect fucking face. 

she tilts her head up to look at him and sees the anger hidden in every feature. she sighs, “don’t even, parker.” he looks down at her face and blinks, “what?” “whatever you’re thinking…don’t.” “he’s not allowed to treat you like shit because you weren’t ready to live with him.” “that’s not why,” she whispers. 

and her whisper tickles his face. they both realize at the same moment how close their faces are. they are a breath away from a kiss. peter doesn’t pull away. neither does mj. they stare and stare and stare at each other. mj’s shaky hand lifts to cup his cheek and he sucks in a harsh breath. still. neither say a word. if they speak, they know the spell will be broken. 

he understands, then, why harry and mj broke up. and, once again, gwen is pushed back to being less than a second thought. “mj….” he finally whispers and, like they both expected, the bubble does pop. she pulls away like she’s been burned and tries to stand up. he grabs her hand, “em, wait.” “no,” she shakes her hand out of grip, “gwen is great, peter. really.” “she’s not you,” he says before he can even consider the words coming out of his mouth. 

and it sends a lightening rod of nervous energy between them. its too much. she retreats to her room and leaves him with the image of her longingly looking at him with the galaxy in her eyes. 

without much thought, he stands and leaves his apartment. he goes to gwen’s apartment. and they have it out. gwen is not a pushover. she’s sweet and kind and good. but she is not going to let anyone, especially not peter parker, ground her feelings into the ground. she accuses him of leading her on, for never loving her. and he disagrees. its not true. “i do love you,” he argues. she sighs, “not enough. not like her.” that takes the wind out of his sails. she’s right. if gwen is like spring: temperate and warm and beautiful. mj is like every other season combined. the intensity of his attraction to her is as hot as summer and as all consuming as the summer months are. he looks at her like she’s fall, stunning and ethereal and ever changing colors, always surprising and delighting her. and he loves like winter. she is magic. and wonder. and the greatest gift in his life. she is three seasons of love and friendship. spring is fleeting comparatively. 

“gwen,” he whispers, “i never wanted to hurt you.” “but you did,” she bites back tears, “just go.” “gwen-” “and don’t ever come back.” and just like that gwen stacy leaves him, even if he is the one getting up and walking out the door. 

he wanders back to their apartment, their shared home. and peter starts to panic. there is nothing to stop them. no barrier. he can’t breathe. he cannot see a way ahead for them except together. and he’s barely twenty-two. forever feels daunting. even if that’s with mj.

but then he remembers her smile. the way she steals his food straight off of his plate. the way she looks at him. the way she patches up his wounds. her impression of tony stark without his coffee. the way she completely annihilates his heart with one laugh. 

its not scary anymore. all he has do is find the grit to take the plunge. 

he stares at their front door for a long time. going on a half hour. until he finds some of that superhero courage and knocks. 

[blschaos3000-blog]

Its 12:25 pm cloudy/humid/16

  Welcome to 8 Questions with…..

  One of the best things I like doing this series is just how randomly these interviews come together. Some interviews come after weeks or months of just casually talking with the person I am hoping to chat with and some interviews,like the one with our guest Cedric Gegel,happen after swapping 10 tweets.    Of course when that tweet is about someone beating cancer’s ass,you just know I am all about talking with anyone who does that and that is how I met Cedric. We exchanged about 10 tweets and I just knew I wanted to know interview Cedric about his career as an actor and director.    I’m so happy that Cedric agreed to chat because he has a lot to share and I really think you’re going to really enjoy his story and since there is a lot that Cedric has to share….let me get out of the way and let Cedric answer his 8 Questions………

    Please introduce yourself and tell us about your most current project.

Hi! My name is Cedric Gegel, and I am an actor, screenwriter, and director, currently based in Philadelphia, PA and working wherever the films take me. I’ve got a couple of films on the docket as an actor that are coming up, but as a director and writer, I’m kind of involved in a few projects. The most exciting one is a drama coming up titled To A God Unknown (or The Color I Feel), which is an in-depth character study on mental health, the impact religion can have on it, and how relationships can play into how we heal. It’s a very personal project that is really invigorating for me, but it’s definitely heavy. I’m also currently working through about seven other concepts for films at varying stages of completion – for some, scripts have been started, for others, the only thing I have is a logline. It’s kind of an exciting time right now in that regard.

How have you been handling the pandemic? How have you kept yourself busy?

   It’s been a struggle. Before the pandemic, I could always go to a park to get my thinking done or plan out my stories or reevaluate characters. The mind is where all films begin, and it is where all films are formed, so it needs to be engaged at all levels of the creative process. One of my peers said recently that directors need to be self-reflective, and I think that’s really true. So, unfortunately, with a lot of public spaces closed or not really functioning as a viable creative space, that’s been a bit of a struggle. I did learn to take and enjoy walks, which began as twenty minute exercises and eventually became an hour or longer as I re-learned how to engage my mental self. Obviously, I can’t really go to coffee shops at the moment, which is unfortunate because I like being able to go to a coffee shop and force myself to write. That said, it’s a lot cheaper to not go to coffee shops! Plus, I’ve tried to wean myself off of coffee during the pandemic. I was drinking three to four cups a day before this, and now I’m down to one or two a week. To really answer your question, it’s been hard to focus. I think that the world has been a bit exhausting as of late, and it’s important that we focus on that, but from a purely creative perspective, it’s been difficult to zero in and focus. I think there’s a mild responsibility on creators to make things that are life-giving and uplifting, at least to an extent and insofar as it serves the story. It has to be honest. Maybe I’m speaking more about myself there – I feel like the films I feel compelled to make during this time are films that lead to hope more than anything, but without being fake about it, and that’s difficult right now.    That said, I did start a podcast where I interview fellow actors and writers and directors and composers and who knows what else, so that’s been really fun, and I have learned a lot from it. I’ve spent some time re-learning acting technique and getting back to basics, read some screenwriting textbooks, directed a virtual production of Edward III, recorded some scenes with other actors over Zoom, and other stuff, so I’ve been trying to stay engaged and active with my creative self. I think that’s really important.

 You just received news that you are a cancer survivor! Can you share with us a little about your ordeal? How do you feel when you don’t see people mask up for Covid-19? 

Oh gosh. Yeah. What a journey. I was diagnosed in 2015, just a few weeks after officially “starting” my acting career and literal days after the end of my sophomore year of college. I had epithelioid hemangioendothelioma, more simply described as being blood vessel cancer. It’s pretty rare, and mine happened to be in my left elbow. We discussed a variety of options, including surgeries, chemo, radiation, amputation, and just doing nothing. In the end, given how much damage was already occurring, we decided on a combination of surgeries and radiation therapy, which was going to (hopefully) allow me to keep my arm.    To be blunt, it was quite a painful and miserable process, and I underwent an enormous amount of personal change that summer. I became much more quiet and introverted. I lived by myself and had to work several jobs to be able to pay for everything. It was a bit brutal at times. I also really engaged my faith at that time. I’m a devout Christian, but an experience like that really starts to challenge your perspective and beliefs. My relationship with God changed enormously. I think my faith became a much deeper, more rooted, and more confused thing. The more I learned, the less that made sense, and the more fluid and wondrous God became. Then I started engaging more with the books of James and Ecclesiastes in the Bible, and learned that this process is a really healthy thing. That’s what really kept me going.  As of last Monday, I found out that I no longer need to be followed by a doctor. No more cancer check-ups! After four surgeries (initial biopsy, elbow scope, installation of a plate and six screws, and removal of a screw that was bending inside the elbow, which is incredibly painful and I do not recommend), dozens of days of radiation therapy, and years of careful work to learn the “new normal” of my body, they do not think the cancer will come back. I still have to do physical therapy and deal with daily chronic pain, but, as I recently realized, as much as the pain in my elbow hurts, I should be thankful that I have an arm to begin with.  I get really frustrated when I see people not wearing masks. My cancer makes me a bit more susceptible, but it’s really my blood disorder (I’m a walking bag of medical fun) that makes me angry. I’m on blood thinners because my blood clots really fast – I’ve had two or three deep vein blood clots in my life so far, and I’m only 25, along with several superficial clots – and I don’t understand why people can’t just put on a mask. Just wear it around other people. Not everything is about you. Care about other people, grow up, and do your part. Your selfishness is killing people and it’s awful to watch. Not to mention, a lot of the people that think masks are “oppression” – and we don’t have time to unpack all of that ridiculousness – are the same people claiming that the economy needs to reopen. Well, folks, I don’t want to have to go back to basics here, but is it not obvious? If the economy reopens and you don’t wear a mask, more people are going to die, and we will likely get a second wave. It’s called cause-and-effect. It’s not all that difficult.     I want things to reopen too. I had several films get cancelled because of this, and many have lost their funding. I haven’t been on set in forever, and voice acting is great, but there’s just not enough happening at this moment in time. What I am not willing to do is see people die because I wanted to go play professional dress-up in front of a camera. We need to be careful here. Wear masks, encourage social distancing. It’s not hard. It’s really not.

 How did you get your start in the acting world?

I was very blessed to have parents and siblings with an appreciation for the art. From a very young age, I can remember my father telling me about certain things actors and singers were doing and why. I remember my mother reading stories to us and using character voices, and encouraging us as we got older to read fantasy books and use our imaginations. We didn’t have many TV channels growing up, so the vast majority of my childhood was spent with my nose in a book or playing outside with my siblings, Salon, Tori, and Austin. They’re all very different and very intelligent and very creative, and I think we all benefited from that combination of reading and adventuring in the small woods behind our house or playing in the backyard. My father is also a very funny character actor, and my mother has this genuine warmth about her, and I think both of them impacted me in that way.     My parents put us in dance classes when we were very young, and I got to study jazz and lyrical (among other things, but those were my main focus). I always found that I was interested in the “why” of the dance instead of the “how,” which I think shows that I was leaning more into acting from that point. My older sister, Tori, was a really lovely ballerina, which I wish I had studied, but watching her and her peers perform taught me a lot about nonverbal characters. My twin sister, Salon, ended up getting a degree in dance from Bowling Green State University, and her approach to choreography and performance is really character-driven. My younger brother, Austin, is brilliant with accents and comedic timing. There must’ve been something in the food Mom and Dad used to feed us.      Anyway, acting. My freshman year of high school, our choir director announced that they were doing Fiddler on the Roof. My parents decided to show us this movie. I wasn’t put off by it being older, since we had grown up on DVDs of The Andy Griffith Show and Gomer Pyle USMC and I Love Lucy, and I had loved movies like The Sound of Music. I watched the movie and knew I wanted to be a part of the show. I was cast as Nachum the Beggar and a Russian Soldier, and I had the time of my life. At the same time, I started in show choir at the high school, which is a choir that sings and dances and competes around the area. Throughout high school, I did all the musicals (Joseph Buquet in Phantom of the Opera, my first lead role as Captain von Trapp in The Sound of Music, and Prince Dauntless in Once Upon a Mattress) and did show choir, competing in competitions across Ohio and Indiana, and I think we went to West Virginia – maybe Kentucky too? Lots of places.     I loved acting, but knew it wasn’t a “sure thing” as a career, so I decided to go to college for business. After a few weeks, I changed to education, and then, after much urging from both the theatre faculty and the education faculty, I changed my major to Theatre Studies and decided to do the thing. I was lucky that Capital University allowed non-theatre majors to do plays, so I had the opportunity to be on stage early in my first year there and discover that my passion for acting could actually be a lifelong endeavor.

 You attended Capitol University in Ohio…..what was your experience there like?  In your opinion,is a formal acting education better than a practical one? What do you think you got from college  that you wouldn’t have gotten without attending school?

   I loved Capital University. I still love it. It’s a place where I was challenged and inspired. I think the very fact that my education professors were willing to push me and tell me that, even though they thought I would make a good teacher, I needed to be an actor. They were right, but I needed to hear it from people I trusted. I needed to know that it was okay to take that risk.    I absolutely, in no way, unequivocally feel that a practical education is, in every way, superior to a formal one. That does not mean that a formal education is bad, and I would advocate for combining the two, but let’s be honest: if I’m boarding a plane flying from NYC to Berlin, do I want a pilot that has gone through four years of school and knows everything but has never flown, or do I want the self-taught pilot that’s been flying from NYC to Berlin every day for four years without incident?     Again, I don’t mean to say that a formal education is bad. It’s not. Mine was enormously influential. I would not have a career if it were not for Dr. Bill Kennedy, Dr. Dan Heaton, Dr. Sharon Croft, Jeff Gress, and the late Mark Baker at Capital. The thing that was so wonderful about Capital was that I was taught theory – I learned aspects of Stanislavski and Strasberg and Chekhov, but I also got to learn the Kennedy method from Dr. Kennedy. I learned what I would call the Heaton method from Dr. Heaton. I developed what one might call the Gegel method, if one was bored enough to do so, which is a combination of the things that work for me. Not every strategy and theory works for everyone.    At Capital, there was no strict dogma that was forced down my throat. I was given the opportunity to study and learn and steal what I felt would work for me. Then, it was up to me to implement it. If I hadn’t engaged with Shakespeare on an academic level, if I hadn’t learned directing and scenic design and lighting and magic from those professors, I wouldn’t be where I am. None of that is to say that I couldn’t have picked up on those things from a practical career. I think it comes down to the individual.    To someone that is considering a formal education, I would just encourage them to look at schools and find a place that works for you as a human. Capital isn’t strictly an acting school. Most of the Theatre Studies majors weren’t necessarily there to be actors. As a result, I had this weird and eclectic group of well-spoken theatre nerds that thought differently than me and that made me a better actor. If you can’t afford school or don’t want to take those years to focus on academics, then be prepared to hustle every day. Capital was essential to my development of a network that I could work in.   I guess, to summarize: Acting is a physical, practical career. You can only truly learn acting by acting. Because of that, the practical education will always be superior. But I do not regret my formal education, and I do not believe I would have a career without it. For me, the educational foundation allowed me to explore the practicality of it. It’s up to the individual.    Oh, and if you are considering a formal education… check out Capital University in Columbus, Ohio. It’s a great place.

   From an actor’s point of view,why are short films so important?     What was your experience like on your first film,”Fracture”?

    That’s a great question. Short films can almost feel like internships for an actor. They’re a chance to explore physicality and choices on a smaller scale, and to create a character arc in a short amount of time. They’re a great training ground, and a really great chance to meet and connect with other actors and with filmmakers. They can also be amazing professional experiences, and they give you a great deal of footage for an acting reel that can help you land a feature film or an agent or anything like that.     My first film, Fracture, was definitely an interesting experience. I think we filmed it during my second year of college. The cinematographer, Dan Stemen, was in a play with me, and asked me if I wanted to be in this short film they were shooting on campus. I knew the director, Alex Caperton, and was game to try it. I had never even studied film acting before, and it was a brutal crash course in consistency between takes and being more subtle for the camera and all of the stuff that any basic technique book would tell you.    Let that detail how important short films are, though. That cinematographer, Dan? He was the cinematographer of my feature film, Cadia: The World Within. He’s one of my best friends to this day. He’s since placed at several festivals and even won a regional EMMY Award for his lighting and camerawork. I’m blessed to know him and have had the chance to work with him so early in my career. This industry is all about the connections you make. Dan’s one of the best.

 What three things do you like most about films?     What three things do you like about live theater?     If given a choice,would you rather star in a revival of a known hit play or tackle a new original play and why?

Wow. Okay. Tough one there.

Three things I like most about films:

1. It’s a deeply intricate process to watch unfold, and to see everyone doing their jobs as part of the system is really beautiful in a fragile sort of way. You have to trust each person to do their jobs and do them well.

2. It’s so wildly specific. The coffee mug has to be moved by a centimeter so that the light hits it right. Your eye has to look in the eye of your scene partner that is closest to the camera so that your face is more fully framed. You have exactly forty-five minutes to shoot a whole scene before sunset and the light is gone. It’s so intense and I love it.

3. It’s a bit more immersive than theatre tends to be. Scene is in a forest? You’re likely filming in a forest. Scene in a school? You’re filming in a school. It’s very in-the-moment and it’s cool to actually be in that space.

Theatre:

1. The danger. If you forget a line in front of a live audience, no one is calling cut. There’s no resetting the lights and going again. You have to figure it out. You’d better hit your mark for the spotlight and remember your lyrics for the big end-of-act-one closer, or the entire audience will make fun of you at intermission.

2. Theatre tends to have a very family feel to it. In film, you often meet a co-star on the day you film a scene with them. In theatre, there are weeks of rehearsals and time and laughter. You get to know everyone and have these little inside jokes and find the right moments on stage. It’s a very tight-knit group, which makes it really sad when the run ends and the show is over.

3. It feels like you are a part of history. Film is amazing and has a rich history, but theatre has been around for thousands of years. Hamlet has been moving audiences to tears for hundreds of years. Antigone has been frustrating audiences for thousands. Hamilton has been stunning audiences for, like, five years – but to be fair, it feels like centuries. Storytelling is the oldest form of communication among humans, and carrying on that tradition in front of a live audience is a really special experience.    As for the last question, that’s easy: I’d rather play Jean Valjean in a revival of Les Mis. It’s my favorite musical and my dream role. Other than that, I’d be happy to do either, but if given the chance, that’s the answer.

 How do you like directing and what has surprised you most in sliding behind the camera?  How do you approach a directing job versus an acting role?

   Another great question. I love directing. I love the unified vision and watching that which is in my mind became a real, tangible thing. I think the thing that surprised me is that I don’t have to know everything. That’s what the team is for. I learned that lesson pretty hard on my first film, Cadia. I put too much pressure on myself. The job is to direct, not dictate. You have to give freedom to your team to create and craft in their own ways, and trust the artists you’ve hired.    I’ve directed a bit for theatre, and I’ve enjoyed it, but directing for film is a whole different beast. You’ve got to fight with the weather, the locations, and, most of all, the budget. It’s a really draining thing, and you really have to love it. The worst and best moments come when things fall apart, and everyone looks to you for an answer. You either give one or you make one up. There is no one else to look to. That’s a very scary and powerful moment, but if you’ve built a good team, it’s a moment that can change your film for the better. Approaching a directing job is entirely different. With acting, it’s a very narrow focus. I make my choices, and once they put me in costume and I get on set, the magic happens and it’s lovely. In directing, there are so many minute details to keep track of. It takes a great deal of work ahead of time to plan the shots and lighting and everything you need. I learned a lot on my first film that I can’t wait to implement on this next project. Mistakes made are lessons learned, and I’m very proud of the film we made. I’m just very excited to get better.

 Tell us about your biggest project to date,”Cadia: The World Within”. How did this project come together?      How much influence did C.S. Lewis have in your screenplay? How did Corbin Bernsen get involved with your film?

   Yeah! Cadia: The World Within is a really crazy story, and I’m honestly still shocked that it ever happened. I wrote it for three triplets, Keegan, Carly, and Tanner Sells, who I met during a production of The Addams Family Musical. I was young and naive and thought making the movie would be simple – we’d just do a goofy little thing and learn something and move on. Eventually, I realized the story could be something special, and with the help of a great deal of people more clever and capable than I, we built the project. CS Lewis definitely had an enormous impact. I’m a huge Narnia fan (Netflix, if you read this, I’m available for your adaptation). I think Lewis and JK Rowling and JRR Tolkein and Chris Paolini (Chris, if you’re reading this, let’s talk about Eragon, because you deserve a good adaptation) wielded significant impact over this story. Not just their fantasy work, either – their ability to weave spirituality and morality and create interesting characters was something I learned a lot from.  A friend I met during a production of Hamlet, Zach Throne, offered his help in mounting the project, and we formed our company, Just a Skosh Productions LLC, which was the official version of the production company Dan Stemen (the aforementioned DP) and I had been operating under during the previous years as we honed our work on short films. Zach and I began to raise money through investors and donations, using our personal and film networks. It was a grind and it was really, really trying, but we did it.    Eventually, the conversation turned to casting. I loved Psych and so loved Corbin Bernsen, but we certainly didn’t think that was realistic. That said, you’re a fool if you don’t try, so try we did. We made an offer and sent the screenplay, Corbin’s manager said he’s get back to us, and the next day, we learned that Corbin was in. I was floored. He’s such a gifted actor and a really genuinely kind person, and I’m really grateful to know him. He’s got some really exciting stuff in the works and I can’t wait to see what he comes out with. We were blessed to have him on this production, and he was really, really amazing in his work with the triplets and with the awesome Dillon Perry, who was another one of our leads. Corbin’s such a professional, but he’s also so down-to-earth. We were, obviously, also quite blessed to bring in James Phelps, who played Fred Weasley in the Harry Potter films. He’s incredibly gifted as an actor, and he’s a really chill, funny person. He brings so much charisma and charm to his role, and I’m really glad to have gotten to know him, too. He’s one of the good guys in this industry, and I’m so grateful to have gotten to work with him and get to know him.  We also managed to bring in some other great actors. John Wells, whom I had done a TV pilot with, signed on as Elza, and he was perfect for the part. Nicky Buggs, who appeared in Secret Life of Bees, does a wonderful job as Alice. Rick Montgomery Jr gives a really honest, understated, lovely performance as Shiloh. We were really lucky with the whole cast. I don’t think there’s a single one of them that can’t go stride-for-stride on any film set.

 Do you feel Hollywood exploits the faith based movie genre? 

That’s a complex question. I don’t, no – but I do feel like the faith-based movie genre can sometimes exploit themselves. As someone who is a devout Christian, it really bothers me to watch Christian filmmakers and fans victimize themselves when people don’t like their movies. It often has less to do with their religious beliefs, and more to do with the simple concept that some of these movies just aren’t good. These same critics are lambasting secular films for the same reason. Poor writing, bad acting, unrealistic dialogue – people don’t like those in movies, no matter the beliefs or genre.   I don’t think it’s exploitation to make money off of films. The Erwin brothers and the Kendricks brothers are making their films for their audiences, and for the films they are trying to make, they’re making them well. They’re making them with good intentions and with sound camera work and lighting and people enjoy them. In my opinion, they are, for the most part, making sermons, mostly for Christian audiences, and that is okay. You can’t tell me that Spotlight, which is a brilliant film, wasn’t, in some ways, a sermon of its own. It was a sermon – maybe even a dissertation? – about the corruption of the Church and the moral and legal decay that occurred. That’s an important story to tell, but it was still a specific story with a specific goal. There are more mainstream films that are still deeply Christian in nature.     The Book of Eli. The Chronicles of Narnia. Blade Runner. The list goes on. There are different ways to approach that aspect of spirituality, and Christian films can tend to run the spectrum of being more of a sermon to being more of a general film with spiritual influence. I’ve seen other projects – most recently, I watched Unorthodox on Netflix, as well as Greenleaf (my wife was watching them, and I tangentially absorbed them) that deal with spiritual and religious realities in a different way. I don’t inherently see any as more or less valid. It seems like a deeply personal preference.    I do think that some of the criticism of Christian films is pretty off-base – the critics aren’t exactly understanding what they films are trying to do. You don’t go see My Little Pony and write a bad review when it isn’t The Shawshank Redemption. The Hunger Games isn’t about to be Little Women.They’re different films. Different genres. Some of these films are more about the message than the film, and that is okay. I wasn’t trying to win an Oscar with Cadia, I was trying to make a message of hope and love. It’s not the best screenplay in the world. It wasn’t supposed to be. Some of these films are labelled as “emotionally manipulative” and “trying to push religion,” and I’m, like, yeah. Of course they are. All films are trying to push something. I do think some critics get upset about the religion specifically, and I do think that is unfair. You have to evaluate the goal of the art and see it for what it is. Maybe, after you do that, the movie is still bad, and that’s entirely acceptable.    I think it’s tough. It’s unfair to give a bad review to a movie just because you disagree with it’s messaging. You have to evaluate the art on the merit of the argument they make and how well they make it. I think it’s silly when I read reviews that say things like, “[Insert filmmaker here] was clearly trying to push their own belief system.” Yeah. Duh. Of course they were. Films are personal. Joker probably reflects some element of Todd Phillips’ truth. 1917 and Parasite both touched on the truths and beliefs of Sam Mendes and Bong Joon Ho. Queen of Katwe contains some part of Mira Nair’s understanding of the world around her.     I don’t see why we can’t give religion the same reign. I absolutely understand condemning a film due to bigotry and hatred, but you’ll really rarely see a major religious film from a significant studio that is encroaching on that. Making a claim that Jesus Christ is the savior isn’t bigotry. As a Christian, I don’t mind watching films where they claim Jesus is only human, or that Islam is the truth, or that God is just a big imaginary friend in the sky. It’s just a different belief system. It’s art. Accept it and move on.    It’s really very nuanced. Yes, Hollywood is willing to make films that play on the fears and anxieties of certain people, and that’s morally problematic; on the other hand, some filmmakers I know are unwilling or unable to acknowledge that their films have deep flaws. Both are problematic. I just don’t see Hollywood as being the big, bad agent of Satan that many of my peers seem to. I see Hollywood as being the business part of show business. Christian films make money, so they make Christian films. People drink coffee, so Keurig makes coffee makers. The world continues to go around the sun. That’s the way our society is structured.

You are at an audition and a fellow actor who is also trying for the same role as you asks for your help. Are you helping them or not and why?

   Of course. No debate. I’ll help them in a heartbeat, and I’d hope they do the same. Casting isn’t up to me to begin with. We should all be supporting each other to begin with. I remember auditioning for The Little Mermaid. I did all my work as best as I could, and I sang the song as well as I could, and I think I did a good job. I did the best job I could.  Then Jordan Young started singing and he blew me out of the water. I knew I had lost the part. I found him after the audition and congratulated him. We became friends, and we still support one another. I’ve even sent auditions to friends and they’ve beaten me for the part. It’s not a competition. Casting is going to cast the actor that they want, and the only thing we can control is our own performance. Anyone who answers otherwise to this question is a sad excuse for an actor and should get out of the industry now. That’s a toxic attitude and it’s problematic.

 How did you meet your wife and how do the two of you balance your personal life and professional one? 

    We met in college in a Public Relations class at Capital. Became friends and started dating. We started dating my junior year and got engaged at the end of my senior year. We got married the summer after, a few weeks after she graduated. Since then, we’ve moved to Philadelphia, where she’s begun her studies at seminary to become a pastor in the ELCA. A lot of balancing our lives is understanding the weirdness of what we do – she is going to be shepherding churches and be with people during their dying moments and counsel people through the hardest moments of their lives, and I leave for days/weeks/months on a job and pretend to be someone else and sometimes work fifteen hour days in the sun and all the other things. Which also describes being a spy. That would be cool too, I guess.

  It takes balance. I told her when we first started dating that my career is weird and that it would just have to be accepted, and we’ve since had the same discussion about hers. It’s an adventure.    Our personal lives are pretty simple. We like to cook. We like to watch shows and movies together. We just finished Avatar: The Last Airbender. We play a lot of Call of Duty. We play a lot of board games. It’s a simple life, to quote Rogue One.

The cheetah and I are flying over to watch you shoot your latest film but we are a day early and now you are stuck playing tour guide,what are we doing?   

Ooh. I’m going to answer this for two cities: my Philly/NYC work, and my directing work back in Columbus, which I where I prefer to shoot my films.

Philly/NYC: We’re definitely hitting up the Liberty Bell and Constitution Center, because they’re just plain neat. Then we’ll stroll through Love Park and probably head to the Rocky Steps. If we’ve got time, we’ll do a quick hike at the Wissahickon and enjoy the forest there, maybe even spot some river otters. Then we’ll grab a cheese steak (I haven’t had one since I moved here, so I’ll be a tourist with you) and maybe try to catch a play at the Arden or the Walnut Street Theatre.

If I’m filming in NYC, we’ll keep it simple. Walk through Central Park, grab some bubble tea, then people watch for as long as we can before we grab tacos at Oaxaca Taqueria in Hell’s Kitchen. Chill day.

If we’re in Columbus, we’re going to run the obstacle course at the Scioto Audubon, grab a light snack at Stauf’s Coffee, and explore the thirty-two room labyrinthian bookstore known as the legendary Book Loft. Then we’ll maybe catch an afternoon game with the Columbus Clippers before grabbing a coffee at the Roosevelt Coffeehouse, dinner at Schmidt’s Sausage Haus or The Thurman Cafe, and then see the Actors’ Theatre of Columbus do some Shakespeare in the park. That’ll be a fun day.

  I like to thank Cedric for taking the time in giving us a top level interview. I enjoyed getting to know Cedric through his words and have nothing but respect for him and his vision. We’re looking forward to seeing Cedric’s work both in front and behind the camera. Of course we’re also praying for Cedric and his bionic arm to stay healthy as well!!

You can follow Cedric’s career via his Social Media.

SOCIAL MEDIA:

Cedric’s IMDb page

 Cedric’s Podcast: You can find it here and on Spotify

Cedric’s Twitter

Cedric’s Instagram page

Cedric’s Facebook page

Cedric’s YouTube Channel

Cedric’s personal website

Feel free to drop a comment below!! 8 Questions with……….actor/director Cedric Gegel Its 12:25 pm cloudy/humid/16 Welcome to 8 Questions with.....   One of the best things I like doing this series is just how randomly these interviews come together.

[juleshq]

JULES .

* / BASICS

full name: juliana kaia dicaprio

nicknames: jules

age & dob: twenty-one , august 14th , 1998

place of birth: long island , new york .

sexuality: bisexual

bender: cisfemale

* /  MORE BASIC INFO

languages: english, french, some spanish.

religion: catholic

education: high school , majoring in biology at stanford

occupation: unemployed

drinks, smokes, & drugs: all of the above

* / PERSONALITY

zodiac sign: leo

likes: dark chocolate , tea in the morning , white roses , instigating bad situations , wine , black coffee , the smell of freshly brewed coffee , talking with strangers , long travels , adventures , being called “ angel ” , popcorn , quick tex responders , products made with silk , athletes , crime shows / films , crowded rooms , glitter .

dislikes: fake designer bags , people who don’t know how to lie , f , people who wear pearls regularly , long text messages , voicemails , men who are cheap , people who chew with their mouth open , humming ,  thrift shops , water-poof mascara , the smell of grass , extensive planning , and arrogance & stupidity combined .

bad habits: breaking promises to herself & others , not thinking before doing , fixating with her hair when nervous .

secret talent: juggling

fears: aging terribly , being widowed , drowning , being buried alive .

positive traits: alluring , convincing , affectionate , ambitious / devoted , systematic .

negative traits: manipulative , conniving , deceitful , dishonest , subjective .

* / APPEARANCE

tattoos: dagger on right index finger , “ devil ” on left index finger .

piercings: three in each ear , cartilage .

* / FAMILY INFO.

parent names: claire boucher & david dicaprio .

parent relationship: divorced .

sibling names: annalise , ashton , keller , & wade .

sibling relationship: step siblings & half .

children: none .

pets: 2 family dogs on her moms side.

* / BIOGRAPHY

i’m sorry it got long

              𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐘𝐋𝐄𝐑’s entire childhood was spent in the spotlight -- her father was a huge rockstar in the 70's & 80's, and her mother a model . Claire spent her childhood between Florida , California , and New York , attending red carpets , premieres , etc. Claire attended Stanford to obtain a bachelor in science but was in and out of modeling in her teens and early twenties . 

             𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐃 𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐎  lived an affluent life more under the radar . His grandfather is CEO of JD banking , one of the four largest banks in the world . He attended Princeton as the rest of his family did . He got involved in the company business at a very young age as did his brothers , but went on to become the new CEO after his fathers unfortunate passing in 2002 . 

             𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 was and will forever be her parents pride & joy . her parents were high school sweethearts & got married young -- at a twenty-two / twenty-three . they had been trying for two years to start their own family but jules’ mother struggled . thanksgiving in the hamptons , a dicaprio family tradition the day is engraved in her mothers memory , in 1997 , they announced to their family that after years of trying , they were pregnant . 

             𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 grew up completely pampered ; bi-weekly trips to the nail salon with her mother and annual father-daughter trips . her mother was her best friend until she began morphing jules into what she thought was perfect . making sure she spoke at least one other language , was active in school , extracurriculars , how she presented herself . her mother cared about image due to her own childhood of growing up in the spotlight . besides the near brainwash to fit her mother’s image of perfect , everything was ideal &  ‘ normal ’ up until the summer before her freshman year of high school . her mother discovered the affair her father had been having for months with a woman he did business with . he claimed it was due to the fact that jules’ mother had returned to some normalcy and wanted to work again , modeling and doing some traveling , therefore he ‘ just missed her around ’ . jules was aware of everything going on  , heard the countless nights they spent arguing in the opposite wing of the house , she picked up on her father being late to family dinner because “ he had work to do ” . her parents tried their best to keep her in the dark for the sake of her sanity , innocence , and view on her father . jules went along with it all , the daddy’s girl in her was in denial for all of the months leading up to their divorce . at the end , her mother got full custody of her .

              𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐄 came two “ yes ” parents . everything became a competition between the two , trying to one up the other ; who took jules on the better summer vacation , had the most over the top christmas morning , etc . it  was insanely manipulative & jules there wasn’t a time period where jules felt more alone ; not having a sibling to relate to , she was embarassed to tell her peers the real reason why her parents split , it was so cliché . both parents didn’t take too long to remarry , her father found another stay-at-home wife and her mother lucked out with a lawyer ten years older than she . her step-father had two daughtes & son with whom jules hated in the beginning – it  was a lot to take in and she was used to being the only child . her father went on to have a child with his new wife two years after their marriage . it was all an immense amount of change within seven years . 

               𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 for jules had been constantly changing since the news of her father’s affair , she’d spend her summers & holiday’s going back & forth between each parents in the hamptons until her father moved to calabasas to be closer to his wife’s family as soon as the baby was born . jules had always been a wild , reckless child at heart and the divorce between her parents only allowed her to push her limits even more . the two-three years her parents spent processing their divorce were her golden years -- she could not get in trouble with her parents and they never got upset with her . she took advantage of it all and abused drinking , hanging out with boys , you name it . she loved the attention she received from any male figure -- it made up for the lack of attention she was getting from her father once he got the boot . 

               𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐄 was where jules found her safe space ; she could be her wild self , far away from home and only a five hour drive from her father that she still rarely sees . she joined a sorority , joined the exec board , was forced to join french club by her mother , all while maintaining a 4.08 gpa . 

            *  ` 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐄 jules has always been a wild child . she’s always had a desire for attention , all eyes & attention on her , though the  B I R T H of her uncontrollable desire for attention from males stemmed after her parents divorce . the lack of attention from her father allowed her to realize her dad wasn’t the only one who could spoil her & every man was basically the same . she’s not super close with either of her dads at the moment and sees her father about three times a year , two of which are holidays & every now and then the spontaneous visit from him in cali .  

           𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 is a h u g e  cry baby in the sense that she hates not getting what she wants . its not on purpose most of the time , it’s the way she was raised and the nature of her parents . she’s never had to ask for anything twice & hates doing so . though she’s a huge cry baby , she will try her best to mask her actual tears . she does a good job of seeming innocent , she’s that one friend that is super sus & lies a lot & keeps secrets but somehow is so good at convincing people other wise ? she’s a huge flirt , even when she’s not doing it on purpose , it’s sort of a weird practice or habit she’s grown into ? she feels empowered in the weirdest way of owning men and being able to form their opinion of her for them , this stems from her newly founded daddy issues  it’s more so due to the fact that her relationship with her father began to diminish once he moved out . she is & has been on her “ fuck love ” rampage . 

        𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 do whatever she wants and will hide her bad intentions . she lives for chaos , loves enjoys pushing limits & boundaries . she loves a game of cat & mouse / teasing just knowing she has someone in her grip is what helps her sleep at night . she is a bit crazy . . .  the type to watch someone’s snap score go up . def that type to block and unblock someone 238473 timES . she has an underlying need of approval from others and she almost needs to be liked by everyone she meets .

      𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 she wants to model & be a playboy bunny BUT her dad would literally disown her if she didn’t follow her family legacy and attend stanford or yale to use her brains for good . she’s in school to be a pediatrician because at the end of the day she loves children and always wanted to seek a job in the healthcare field . she has plans to attend yale’s medical school after her senior year is complete at stanford . 

i really based her off of american beauty & angela in the movie ( if you’ve seen it omg ily ) g