#I literally am cleaning my room currently and I'm trying so hard to figure out what to do with it.

[iero]

Anyone that has the white ‘Thank you for the venom’ plastic bag from tour: What did you end up doing with it? 

[horrorisunknowntoyou]

STRESS FILLED NIGHTS

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Fem-Reader

TW: Anxiety/ paranoid, Stress cleaning, biting nails.

Summary: You were used to Simon's night terrors and anxiety, but what happens when your the one struggling without even knowing?

A/n: I wrote this, because I'm having a really hard time sleeping so this is a self comfort thing for me. I'm tired man. Also Ghost is OOC . And this is unedited or whatever.

Tick...Tick...Tick...

You starred up at the ceiling, the clock on the wall continuing to tick on the wall. You peer over to your left, picking up your phone from the nightstand. At this point taking off the charger as it's full battery at this point. The light illuminating from the phone slightly blinding you as you check the time.

2:13 am

Sighing, you put your phone aside, it's been hours already and your still not asleep yet. Your husband by now is peacefully asleep, but your still awake. You turn to your side, facing the now sleeping Ghost. He looked so...peaceful you just stared at him slowly breathing, looking pretty in the blue mood light on him. Something only you and you alone can see, no one else can. Your hand gently reaches out as gently push and piece of hair aside, smiling at how cute he is.

Eventually you layed back on your back, staring at the ceiling once again. After 20 minutes of looking at the ceilings texture to see if you can see any images from it for fun. Or messing around with your hand in the blue light you eventually got sick of it.

Quietly sitting up from the bed, making sure to not make any sounds to wake your husband up. You put your house slippers on and left the room. Once in the hallway, you let out a relaxed breath. Since your awake, might as well make yourself useful.

" Think y/n, what can I do currently?..." You thought as you take a left turn reaching the living room. You flick the lights on " Oh, I can tidy up the house abit, as long I don't vacuum or do anything loud, it should be fine." At this point you were getting shaky because you were exhausted. But you ignored it as you started to sweep the floor, humming to yourself quietly.

You swept.

You wiped the tables and counters clean.

You moped the tile floor.

You clean the dust off souvenirs and photo frames and more.

You left the kitchen spotless.

You even clean your fucking gun.

After all of that, you just sat on the couch silently with out a word. You were biting your nails, trying to figure out what else to do before being alerted to Simon's panicked voice.

"Y/n?! Y/n where are you? Y/-"

He immediately rushed over to the living room panicked. He soon relaxed once he saw you just sitting on the couch.

"Y/n, it's 6am...what the hell are you doing this early?"

"Cleaning."

"Cleaning?" He gave you an almost dumbfounded look. " You know what time it is, right now?"

"6:25 am."

"How long have you been cleaning love?"

You were starting to avoid his eye contact, biting you nail more. "I-i..I don't know."

Ghost just stood there sighing, "why didn't you ask for my help?" He says, almost hurt. " Your going to get a migraine. "

"I know...I don't know...I just.." you starred down at your carpet rug. " I was scared, I couldn't sleep. And I thought it was better if I'm awake that I should make myself useful..."

Ghost, walks over to you, kneeling in front of you, his calloused hands gently forcing you to look at him. " Y/n, y/n look at me. Your hurting yourself doing this. "

"I don't understand." You said truthfully, your hand gently laying on top of his.

"love, your exhausted, your literally shaking right now....Listen, I may not be good at the whole comfort thing compared to you. But since you watch over me during my night terrors it's only fair I do the same with you."

"But...I don't have nightmares like you do though, I'm just...a little scared to go to sleep."

"Even so, you still need sleep."

You thought about it, and slowly nod. You then gently leaned into his arms and laid your head on his shoulder.

Ghost then stood up, and wrapped his arms around your waist and picked you up. Carrying you back to bed, flicking the lights off.

He walks into your shared bedroom, closing the door behind him. Getting in bed with you, now that he can see your face closely, your eyes were bloodshot and exhausted.

You quietly spoked to him, as he now gently moves a strain of your hair aside. " Did I really scare you? I'm sorry if I did..." You yawn softly, " I thought...me leaving would protect you...or something."

"Protect me? Ha. But you did startle me. "

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You didn't intend to. I was just... surprised to not see you beside me. "

"hmm." Your eyes fluttered abit. Less talkative.

Ghost noticed, that him quietly talking to you was finally making you relax.

" I would appreciate if next time this happens, you tell me. Alright?"

You nodded.

Ghost continue to talk to you, sometimes telling you his awful jokes. And once you finally stop responding to him. He looked over to see you finally asleep. Haft your face hidden away in the pillow, taking soft slow breaths.

He pulled the blanket over his shoulders, gently pulling you close to him , wrapping his arms around you protectively falling suit and falling asleep with you.

Both of you peacefully asleep.

A/n: IM SO TIRED UGH

[mingos]

oof. so… hello.

i know i’m not obligated to explain my absences, but i figured i should anyway because this is actually a long-standing issue i've been dealing with that, god fucking willing, doesn't happen againーbut that is what i told myself three weeks ago before it happened again. basically, because it can sometimes be so common, kinda just want to give a heads up if i ever start acting weird or distant because apparently i've upset some people i didn't mean to.

that stresses me out because, as i've mentioned before, i kind of have this tendency to shut down completely during stressful situations and not speak to anybody, which eventually turns into friends dropping me for a perceived lack of interest (not their fault, my fault). i'm actively trying to break that habit & be okay with vulnerability, so i want to be honest about where i've been and where i could potentially go in the future if this shit happens againーin a few weeks, in a few months, tomorrow... it all just depends, it's not a situation i can control. i'm not trying to ignore people. i just deal with a lot sometimes.

content warnings immediately below the cut but idk maybe just don’t read this if you’re in a bad headspace, or a really good headspace that you don't want ruined. no one should read this, actually. just jump to the last two paragraphs. this is just me explaining i'll hopefully feel okay enough to be back by the weekend.

-

cw: alcoholism; cw: domestic abuse; cw: gen. bad mental health

　i currently live in a dysfunctional situation with an alcoholic & addict family member as the last person in our family yet to distance themselves/cut them off. reason being is they relapse a lot. like, “an average of at least once every 2-4 months since i was 14” a lot. this is a long-standing problem. they’ve been through quite literally every treatment plan imaginable and nothing has stuck.

i do love this person; the majority of the time they're not relapsing, they’re kind & loving. when it’s good, it’s good. but when it’s bad jesus christ… i gotta level with you and say i've feared for my life a couple times.

they become angry & spiteful when drunk and, as of the last few years, physical. mostly when i try to confiscate things i find because i'm "stealing their property" and it’s therefore, to their drunk mind, justifiable. this is a mindset i’m still trying to unlearn because of course i don’t deserve it—taking a wine bottle away from an alcoholic for their own good isn’t justification for them almost suffocating you in an attempt to get it back, or breaking the lock on your bedroom door—but it’s hard to internalize that sometimes when your brain is beaten down, y’know?

when not being guilted into silence so i don’t “ruin their life more” or get threatened with being removed from the house by police, i’ve pretty much exhausted any sympathy or help i get from the rest of my family. half of them either have my # blocked or don’t answer under the weird assumption my family member is going to… use my phone to contact them? which is something that’s never happened before. the other half kind of just shrug because i’m choosing to say here and am an adult with the ability to leave whenever i want, just like they did.

　but i can’t leave—because, like i said, it’s just me now. no one else checks on this person, no one else lives with us, and i’ve already had to call 911 for them multiple times. living with them during a relapse is hell but so is whenever i have to leave the house because if something happens to them or their dog that suddenly becomes my fault. basically, whenever these episodes happen it’s just several days (or weeks) of nonstop stress. but there's nothing else i can really do. i just have to put up with it & ride it out.

-

　things have finally calmed down again; apologies were made, talks were had, we cleaned out their stash together... i finally have some breathing room. kind of. i still have no energy to do anything because i've just been in survival mode the last week (& also sick), so hopefully i can be back to writing by this weekend but i really don't know. i'm still paranoid something bad is going to happen so maybe i'm not out of that mindset just yetーi need to decompress a little before i can feel normal again.

thank you for your patience, and for those who have checked on me & especially those who were understanding it was kind of hard for me to have the energy to talk outside of my one or two comfort people. i miss you all very many and hope nothing more for you all to be loved, warm & safe. love you all very many.

[susiron]

Man I'm having so many frustrating thoughts about my jaw lately and I want to SCREAM!!!

Like ah, here is a long fucking rant.

Over a decade ago, pretty much overnight, my quality of life did a 180 with a host of symptoms starting up. Tinnitus, visual snow, pattern glare, light sensitivity, ocular migraines, an increase in headaches, some vertigo, brain fog, and just this like complete inability to focus my eyes like I used to be able to.

I've always been really sensitive to stimuli, but ever since this happened it's been cranked up to 100. I get disoriented extremely easily, with really no good way to avoid it. Like if the lighting changes in my room, I get disoriented and feel exhausted. If I go somewhere with fluorescent lights and walk around, I get exhausted. If I look at repetitive patterns I get fucking exhausted and confused and I hate it.

I kind of snapped honestly. And I let my anxiety take over my life. I convinced myself I had a tumor in my head or something, and I was so scared to look into it that when I got an MRI order for a brain scan I just ignored it.

And I just kind of lived like that for a long time, constantly worried there was something fucked up in my head that I was ignoring.

And I know that's a shit way to deal with concerning health problems, but I was scared, and I have OCD and it was just sort of a Mess. And arguably still am.

I've been trying to figure things out now, finally getting over my anxiety. I got that brain scan-- nothing. Didn't realize how much anxiety that was giving me, for a decade, until I did it.

But I still didn't have Answers for why I feel like shit all the time. I literally just spend most of my time on a computer, and have for years, because looking at a stationary screen is a lot easier for my shit focusless vision to handle-- and even then, I STILL wind up exhausted and confused if I have too much stimuli on a page. (And I'm sure the eye strain from the computer doesn't help in ways, but I cannot stress enough that being on the computer is like the only thing that keeps me sane and focused)

But the thing is, at the start of all of this I was having jaw issues. Like really severe jaw popping on my right side and a lot of pain. And I did look into my jaw Years ago, and found out through an MRI (of the jaw, not the brain, so it didn't scare me to get at the time), that the right condyle of my jaw is literally deformed. Like your condyle is supposed to be rounded at the top, but my right condyle is shaped like a lopsided heart, and it's surrounded by scar tissue.

And at the time I like was given a jaw splint to sleep with and told I'd probably need surgery to correct it, but the pain was bearable so I never looked into surgery. And I've just sort of lived with the constant jaw ache since then since I figured it was just a bum jaw and I could handle it so it wasn't worth looking into more.

And now I'm actually doing research on all of the havoc that TMJ can cause. And I'm just kind of feeling like something of an idiot, because it looks like I had my answer a decade ago and I ignored it. And now I'm just a miserable 30 year old who's struggling to just be a person because I can't focus, and I'm in pain, and I'm tired and confused and at this point I can only assume my deformed jaw I've ignored for years is the root of it.

And now I've gotta like get in contact with my dentist to ask about those old MRIs I had, and I gotta figure out going to a TMJ specialist through my current insurance and just--

Ugh.

I'm so frustrated. I'm so tired. And I feel like I've wasted so much time and I've been trying so hard to do better and get better but it's a fucking mess.

And like my family is expecting me to snap out of the funk I'm in and be a functional person since that brain MRI o had came out clean, and it's just like-- I still feel like shit all the time??

Nevermind when my family says my screen time causes all of this, when I literally started having heavy screen time BECAUSE of these symptoms that made it difficult to enjoy anything outside of a flat screen

[festivecuriosity]

[October 13, 2020]

♡ Mercury retrograde in Scorpio is happening tonight. I can already feel/see it's influence. It also doesn't help matters that my current household is primarily made up of Scorpios or Plutonian individuals (most of my roommates are "essential workers" like EMTs or caretakers). Brad (the most Scorpio of the house) has called for a rare consideration; that there be silence in the living room (communal space) when he comes home. He's never asked for that before. This feels very symbolic of Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio. A moment of silence in our otherwise very talkative household. Besides that, he's coming home right around the time MRX/Scorpio would be officially beginning.

♤ Identifying omens is part of my practice. It's one of my oldest, foundational, cornerstones of how I communicate with the Universe and my guides. When you notice something (really notice it) to the point that it stands out in your mind and you end up thinking on it all day, it is an "omen". A symbolic representation of the message the Universe is sending you. I was given an omen by the Universe yesterday as to the immediate future/Mercury RX in Scorpio. I was outside (smoking) when I saw a hawk soaring in the air, being pursued by two black crows, and navigating around their assaults. The hawk (personally) represents my spiritual vision/focus/accuracy. The two crows, I believe, represented thoughts that attack my focus. I.e. Huginn and Muninn, thought and memory. Although, Huginn and Muninn are technically ravens. Not crows. I still think the message from the Universe is to tame my PTSD/where my mind goes/stay focused on my goals instead of letting my negative thoughts pick at me.

Also kind of reminds me of the qliphothic sphere/inverted sphere of Netzach. Where the "crows" pick at the beauty of Source. Another reminder to keep my inner criticism from attacking my spiritual focus/my ability to see the beauty in my life and self.

Two other people in the household got omens on the same day as me. One person got a vulture eating roadkill on the side of the road, the other got a brown cricket. Since the vulture means rebirth and ressurection through shadow work, I think the household is going through a transitional phase (what affects one person in the house typically touches all of us). I am not certain on the brown cricket, however. Good luck? What struck me the most about it was that my roommate was trying to catch it...and it always knew when to hop away just in the nick of time.

♧ I've been rearranging/unpacking my boxes from Seattle finally. For a long time now, I've just been living out of boxes, and refusing to do much magic. I didn't even set up my altar when I got all my stuff back from [Redacted abuser]. It's taken awhile to even get myself back to directly communicating with my guides...much less the Universe/Source. Anyways, I'm finally going through my boxes, and setting up an official altar area. When I was getting into my old rock and crystal collection (I was into that stuff way back before I realized how harmful the crystal/gemstone trend is for Earth's environment), I found an old piece of Mookaite that I friend gave me. And I shit you not, the thing physically vibrated in my hand when I touched it.

I've been holding it ever since. Have totally and honestly forgotten all the exact properties of the stones I own. It's been such a long time. I was also practicing "crystal/crystal energy psychicism" when I was homeless as a means to survive the streets so...I'm pretty sure my PTSD is blocking a lot of that information out.

I guess it's time to rediscover crystals again? Not buying any new ones. Just utilizing the ones I already have to the best of my ability. I feel like it was wrong that so many of them were taken from the ground to be pretty baubles for people. I might as well make it worth something by using them to help myself/others/incorporate them into my active life so they hold meaning.

Mookaite feels very grounding and soothing already. It feels like a very receptive stone, inviting energy into it much like organic pearls do. I also notice that it has almost a dream/trance-like affect to it's grounding energy. I think maybe I'll take time to meditate with it tomorrow.

◇ Brad pretty much runs the household that I live in. Further details; I live in a BDSM polycule, Brad is one of the doms. One of Brad's relationships was very close to being homeless recently. While normally, being homeless is... [redacted PTSD disassociating moment] being non-binary and homeless during COVID-19 is even worse. So we took them in. Inevitably, we had to make some major adjustments (about space, because technically we're fitting 9 people in a 2 bedroom house). It's been a test of adaptability through chaos for everyone. One of the major areas of contention is that everything inside the house is getting moved, rearranged, or tossed. And some people (mainly [redacted name]) is absolutely 100% terrible at adapting to change, unless someone is literally dying. Also, while I get that none of this can really be helped, I'm also a bit annoyed by the sudden introduction of someone new.

But even if I'm annoyed by it, I wasn't about to say "no" when Brad told us what was going on. I'm not a monster. I was homeless too and Brad helped me get off the streets. This person, while I don't know them well enough to make a judgement, deserves the same chance that I did to get stable in an era where stability is a pipe dream.

I'm actually not the one having the hardest problem. Surprising, it's the spirit of the house that's having the hardest problem. Our house is an old 1950's model built at the corner of a crossroads. Technically the house kinda exists as a liminal space. And there's so much stuffed inside of it that theoretically anything *could exist* in the house. Sometimes weird shit pops up and then disappears. It's very similar to the Seattle house I lived in when I was with [KILL BILL SIRENS] but has less of a metaphorical underworld cave vibe and more of a Howl's Moving Castle vibe. Anyways, the house itself is having a bad time adjusting to all the change/cleaning that the new roommate is doing...because it keeps hiding and moving (specifically) all the stuff that the new roommate has. They're not a stoner. They have a decently good memory. And I know that nobody in the house would do something like that. Plus, they apparently heard disembodied laughter right after discovering something was missing. The genuis locci (house spirit) is fucking with 'em hard.

I've never seen the genius locci do this before. The worst it ever did to me was hide a really expensive Egyptian cotton pillow case once. It eventually spat it back out after cuddling with it, I imagine. Seriously; Egyptian cotton sheets. Get you some.

So after the 100× time today that the new roommate was swearing about their missing things, I suggested that maybe they need to butter up the genius locci with gifts. Kinda romance the house a bit. Give it something so that it builds a relationship with the spirits that live here. They're a (self-professed) baby witch whose background is Jewish. They mostly excel at kitchen witchery (for now) and incorporating the works and wisdom of the Torah into their life. So they weren't too certain on ritualistic offerings to a house spirit. But with some suggestions from me and listening to their own intuition, they were able to put something quick together. It's nice to see people using magic around the house and learning new skills. And to their benefit, I felt the house chill out a bit after the ritual/gift giving was done.

I have been giving the house/my guides a portion of my nightly tea every now and then. It's honestly nothing fancy but I figure small gifts count for something right?

[absinthc-blog]

(  kim  seokjin,  cismale,  he/him,  26.  )  —  CHOI  MINWOO,  better  known  to  the  authorities  as  PROMETHEUS,  has  been  working  for  the  kumiho  for  around  SEVEN  YEARS  as  a  COORDINATOR.  rumor  has  it,  they  can  be  ADAPTABLE  &  CONCILIATORY  but  also  HAUGHTY  &  MATERIALISTIC  which  is  why  crystal  champagne  flutes,  black  cards,  cigar  smoke,  and  tailored  suits  makes  me  think  of  them. 

okay  first  and  foremost  i  want  to  say  a  genuine  THANK  YOU  to  each  and  every  one  of you  for  showing  interest  in  this  group  !  truly,  it's  been my  baby  for  a  while  now  &  i'm  so  glad  i  was  able  to  (  with  help  from  ness,  obviously  )  bring  it  back  for  all  of  us  to  enjoy !  words  can't  express how  grateful  i  am  for  all  of  you  &  for  the  out  pour  of  love  and  support  we've  received  for  kumiho  !  now...  onto  the  usual  intro  stuff  !

hello,  i'm  gem,  i'm  21+,  i  go  by  she  /  her  pronouns  and  i  live  in  the  cst  timezone  !  i  absolutely  love  pain,  angst  &  ruining  my  characters  lives.  i  also  tend  to  use  memes  all  the  time  so  if  we're  talking..  just  prepare  for  memeage.  also  a  fun  fact  that  literally  know  one  asked  for  but  i'm  giving  it  to  you  anyways:  i  cried  the  first  time  i  ever  saw  a  corgi  in  real  life  &  proceeded  to  run  across  a  busy  street  to  be  able  to  pet  it  !  okay  now  for  real,  onto  the things  you're  really  here  for  !

this  dude  right  here  is  minwoo,  he's  a  tiny  bit  of  a  trashy  mess  but  honestly  i  can't  seem  to  play  characters  that  aren't  a  mess  ?  his  backstory  is  still  a  work  in  progress,  but  below  the  cut  is  basic  stats  /  bullet  proof  bio  /  personality  traits  /  basic  wanted  plots  &  a  few  more  random  things  !

if  you'd  like  to  plot,  feel  free  to  add  me  on  discord  (  𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾 𝕆𝕆𝔽.#9330 ),  im  me  or  SMASH  that  little  heart  button  &  i'll  come  to  you  !

                                 GENERAL  INFORMATION.

full  name:  choi  minwoo. nickname(s): min,  woo,  minnie. date  of  birth:  tbd. age:  twenty-five. nationality:  korean. spoken  languages:  korean,  english,  chinese,  japanese,  thai,  french,  spanish,  german  &  russian. gender:  cismale. pronouns:  he / him / his. sexuality:  bisexual. faceclaim:  kim seokjin  (  jin  )  of  bts. BACKGROUND. hometown:  daegu,  south  korea. current  residence:  seoul,  south  korea. financial  status:  upper  class. occupation:  coordinator. family  connections:  tbd.

                                       EXTRA  INFORMATION.

myers  briggs:  entp-a. (  the  debater.  ) enneagram:  seven.  (  the  enthusiast.  ) temperament:  choleric. moral  aligment: neutral evil. hogwarts  house:  slytherin. sin:  gluttony. virtue:  pride. zodiac:  tbd. element:  fire.

                                                BIOGRAPHY.

born  and  raised  in  daegu,  south  korea.

parents  were  both  incredibly  well  known.  one  being  a  lawyer,  one  being  a  ceo  of  a  multi-million  dollar  corporation.

they  weren't  around  a  lot  due  to  how  busy  their  schedule  was,  so  minwoo  was  mostly  raised  by  the  nannies  /  maids  that  were  always  around.

there  was  a  tiny  bit  of  resentment  that  minwoo  held  towards  his  parents  for  never  being  around  that  he'd  take  that  out  on  the  nannies,  so  much  so  they  had  a  hard  time  keeping  a  full-time  nanny  hired.  they'd  constantly  quit  their  jobs  due  to  how  minwoo  treated  them.

after  a  while,  though,  the  choi's  were  able  to  find  one  nanny  in  particular  that  didn't  take  minwoo's  attitude  personally  &  didn't  allow  it  to  effect  their  job.  in  fact,  they  started  to  reprimand  min  for  the  way  he  was  acting  out.

at  first,  of  course,  minwoo  didn't  take  well  to  that  at  all.  he  got  more  angry,  started  getting  more  of  an  attitude.  but  after  a  while,  he  grew  tired  of  it..  finally  breaking  down  &  it  was  then  that  the  nanny  figured  out  why  he  was  lashing  out  at  every  person  that  happened  to  be  doing  the  job  his  parents  were  supposed  to  be.

minwoo  started  to  calm  down  after  that  day,  finally  starting  to  realize  that  it  wasn't  the  nannies  fault  that  his  parents  were  always  working  and  couldn't  be  around  to  raise  him  like  he  really  wanted  them  to  be.

it  was  then  that  his  grades  started  to  get  better,  attitude  improving  almost  completely.  sure,  there  were  days  where  it  still  got  to  him,  but  for  the  most  part  he  stopped  taking  it  out  on  everyone  but  the  people  actually responsible  for  the  way  he  felt.

his  school  days  after  that  went  really  well,  acing  all  of  his  classes  and  staying  at  the  top  of  his  grade  the  entire  time.  things  got  different  around  high  school,  though.  his  parents  started  breathing  down  his  neck  about  either  becoming  a  ceo  or  a  lawyer.

neither  of  those  things  is  actually  what  minwoo  wanted  to  do,  fully  unsure  of  what  he  wanted  to  do  with  his  life.  but  he  didn't  want  to  let  either  of  them  down,  so  in  his  free time  he  ended  up  studying  for  both  things.

completely  letting  his  'free'  time  go  in  order  to  please  both  of  his  parents  caused  him  to  start  building  up  his  aggression  &  resentment  once  more.

he  couldn't  take  it  for  much  longer,  his  parents  constantly  yelling  at  him  to  get  his  shit  together  caused  him  to  hate  school,  hate  studying  for  both  things  that  he  doesn't  want  to  do...

so  one  day,  he  snapped.  his  father  bursting  through  his  room  as  he  was  taking  a  break  only  to  start  yelling  &  instead  of  falling  back  into  line,  minwoo  got  up  &  got  in  his  father's  face  and  began  yelling  back.  telling  his  father  that  what  his  parents  wanted  him  to  do  wasn't  what  he  wanted  at  all.

his  father  didn't  take  too  kindly  to  that,  basically  telling  minwoo  that  if  he  didn't  want  to  do  either  of  the  things  his  parents  wanted  him  to  do,  he  could  move  out  and  deal  with  life  on  his  own.

to  prove  a  point,  that's  exactly  what  minwoo  did,  moving  into  his  aunt's  house  as  he  finished  high  school,  finding  multiple  part-time  job  that'd  pay  the  bills  he  needed  to  pay  as  well  giving  his  aunt  some  for  rent  just  because  she  willingly  let  him  in.

those  were  also  something  he  didn't  want  to  do,  but  he  did  them  anyways  just  to  be  able  to  have  some  sort  of  income.

after  he  graduated  high  school,  he  had  tons  of  colleges  that  wanted  him  to  join  them  just  because  of  how  good  his  grades  were,  but  that  also  didn't  seem  to  be  something  he  wanted  to  do.

he  declined  each  and  every  one  of  them  with  little  to  no  regret,  his  aunt  supporting  the  decision  even  though  she  wanted  to  see  him  do  something  better  with  his  life.

those  words  stuck  with  him  as  he  finally  moved  out  of  her  home  &  into  a  small apartment,  busting  his  ass  to  constantly  be  able  to  pay  bills.

it  wasn't  until  he  met  someone  at  the  bar  he  worked  at  that  his  life  started  to  take  a  turn  for  the  better.  the  mastermind  happened  to  frequent  the  place  he  worked,  always  giving  minwoo  a  hard  time  about  doing  better  things  with  his  life, only  for  minwoo  to  brush  it  off.

but  one  night,  min  finally  got  curious,  asking  the  mastermind  what  that  meant.  that's  when  the  offer  to  join  the  kumiho  was  set  in  place.  the  mastermind  had  seen  how  determined  minwoo was,  overheard  min  talking  about  the  four  shitty  jobs  he  had  to  work  in  order  'survive'  just  because  he  didn't  want  to  even  touch  the  money  his  parents  constantly  kept  sending  him  just  out  of  spite.

minwoo  actually  started  out  in  the  kumiho  as  a  runner,  getting  things  that  the  crew  needed  &  hiding  in  plain  sight.

however,  the  second  that  the  mastermind  found  out  about  minwoo's  studies,  they  were  quick  to  suggest  something  more,  explaining  the  difficulties  of  being  a  coordinator  &  explaining  why  they  thought  minwoo  would  be  perfect  for  the  job.

minwoo  was  skeptical  at  first,  though  it  only  took  a  few  days  of  debating  with  himself  before  he  agreed  &  ever  since  then,  he's  done  his  best.  he  wanted  to  make  sure  that  the  mastermind  was  proud  of  the  choice  they'd  made.

                                            PERSONALITY.

most  of  the  time,  minwoo  seems  pretty  cocky  &  sarcastic.

can  be  extremely  blunt  when  it  comes  to  certain  things,  even  if  his  words  might  happen  to  hurt  someone  else.

extremely  selfish  for  the  most  part,  always  looks  out  for  himself  before  he  looks  out  for  others...  but  he  does  still  care  about  others,  even  though  he  barely  shows  it.

also  loves  to  "one  up"  others,  it's  the  competitive  side  of  him  but  he  usually  does  so  in  a  playful  /  teasing  way.

he's  deep  down  really  goofy  &  loves  to  have  fun.  loves  to  explore  &  goof  off  whenever  possible.

has  the  tendency  to  hate  commitment,  so  whenever  feelings  start  getting  involved,  his  knee-jerk  reaction  is  to  run  &  avoid  it  at  all  cost.

is  one  of  those  people  who  pretends  to  hate  everything  &  be  really  serious  but  will  dance  around  his  room  in  his  boxers  when  he  thinks  no  one  can  see  him.

a  very  two-sided  person  but  not  in  a  way  that  could  be  seen  as  fake..  he's  just  got  a  very  serious  side  of  him  vs  the  goofy,  fun  loving  one  that  doesn't  get  to  be  seen  as  often.

extremely  serious  when  it  comes  to  his  job,  though.  will  call  people  out  on  the  smallest  of  mistakes  if  he  thinks  it'll  effect  any  of  the  heists.  he  really  has  no  issue  with  confrontation  &  will  do  so  if  he  thinks  it's  needed.

absolutely  loves  to  cook,  picked  that  up  when  he  was  living  with  his  aunt.  he  started  cooking  dinner  and  meals  so  that  his  aunt  didn't  have  to  whenever  she  got  home.

also  a  tiny  a  bit  neat  freak  so  he  gets  a  tiny  bit  stressed  out  whenever  headquarters  is  a little  bit  messy  and  will  either  just  clean  up  the  messes  or  get  snippy  with  everyone  until  he  figures  out  who  did  it.

loves  fashion,  constantly  is  seen  going  to  fashion  shows  to  try  and  keep  up  with  the  latest  trends  &  constantly  is  buying  clothes  &  accessories.

also  loves  cars,  will  buy  the  latest  and  greatest  models  of  each  and  every  sports  car  that  comes  out.

his  'socialite'  side  comes  out  the  most  during  events  where  he's  around  a  bunch of  people,  creating  new  ties  with  whoever  he  can  knowing  connections  like  those will  help  him  gain  new  followers  &  things  like  that.

known  for  modeling  &  his  instagram  /  social  media  posts,  gaining  a  following  just  because  of  his  'ootd'  posts  as  well  as  the  snapchat  videos  he  posts  about  his  daily  life.

                                                  PLOT  IDEAS.

bad  influence.  (  on  your  muse.  )

best  friends.

brotp.

confidant.

current  hook  up(s).

drinking  /  party  buddies.

drunken  hook  up.

enemies  that  used  to  be  friends.

exes  who  ended  on  bad  terms.

flirtationship.

will  they  /  won’t  they.

friends  with  benefits.

good  influence.  (  on  minwoo.  )

hate  sex.

one  night  stand(s).  (  past  &  present.  )

partner  in  crime.

past  hook  up(s).

ride  or  die.

trouble  makers.

unlikely  friends.

[diaryofsecrecy]

It has been the most exhausting year of my entire life and I will be surprised if I ever top it...

Brent was having a hard time adjusting to the altitude when we 1st came out here, (July 8th 2020) But as time went on he got better as expected. Then suddenly he got worse and worse, Eventually he lost the job that he got because he was calling out so often throwing up and experiencing extreme nausea.  Because of covid, the doctors were booked for weeks (new patient) so it was just kind of a waiting game until we finally decided to just go to the ER.  They did a full blood panel and decided that he needs to see a GI doctor because everything else is normal. So, That was booked 2 weeks out and he was sent home with nausea medication for one week...

Of course we were going to try to buy or rent so I was freaking out about money and working as much as I possibly could... But then I too had to go to the emergency Room because I had extreme abdominal pain resulting in an emergency appendectomy😖

The day after my surgery, I am home, when my dad comes in with my older sister.

To my knowledge, my older sister was diagnosed paranoid schizofrantic. She has been Homeless for the last 11 years,  And on drugs.  She recently was beaten so badly that she was left with several brain injuries on top of it all, And while she was healing at the hospital somehow they didn't notice her walk out.  We were just about to get her placed somewhere safe...And they lost her.

Anyhow dad walks in with my sister who I guess called him from a coffee shop when they told her that she couldn't sleep there anymore (after a month of being missing again) Dad had to go back to work so then it was me & her for the next 2 days, As you can imagine, not the rest I needed post surgery... then, I had to go back into the hospital because something wasn't right. I was there for 3 more days, 2 days alone because ben was so sick that it was worse with him being there than me sitting by myself in pain and nausea of my own.

Fast forward a few more months, tragic accidents led to 2 separate deaths of my parents dogs. Both events I happen to be present, so get blamed & am no longer welcome at mom & dads.

(Still healing from sugury, brent still very sick)

We get an apartment, and I start working as a nanny for my aunt twice a week while working at Massage Envy the other 5 days.

At this point, I am tired. I am horney, and lonely, and Absolutely. Fucking. Miserable.

I am begging ben to keep up with drs. but he has lost hope of getting better, and I have no way of helping him when I am already worn too thin.

After 9, Long, long months, he eventually, with my consistent pushing, nagging, most likely not always kind remarks, he finds out his hormones are completely off, which I knew would be the case, his dick hadnt worked for the last 3 years properly..

Anyway. He blames his addiction medication rather than continuing dr. Appointments... he gets on testosterone with an outside company(pay out of pocket kind of subscription company...rather than checking insurance, or figuring out what causes low testosterone and fixing that first). I was working and had no influence in any of those choices that effect us both as they have for at least 2 years. He hasnt touched me for so, so, long.

Month 3 of his medication that seems to be working (only reason I know is there was a ton of porn in my google history, he had declined all advances, except the rare, 3 times he allowed a blowjob then left immediately after for the gym or literally anything else rather than make it romantic at all.)

Month 4, he forgets to make a payment at all, so now we owe $250 rather than the normal $100. His meds get sent, then FedEx loses the package all together so, he is sick and I am house sitting in a dream home, alone for 2 weeks straight that originally was going to be our getaway to focus on Us.

At this point, brent and I havnt slept in the same bed for 2 months. At first cause he says I'm mean and he wants to not be near me, but now its cause hes "more comfortable out in the living room..."

A month ago when we last had a conversation about our relationship he said he wants space and a break from me all together. I'm too much.

I am the problem..?

When trying to understand what he means, he shuts down the connvo, saying he cant talk about it anymore. It's been 30 days since we have made any verbal progress. Our fighting has stopped though, and I'll tell you why...

Rewind 1 week before house sitting;

1 week after brent and I had an awful fight where he told me we should take a break, I stay at my parents & My mom offers for me to join them at a graduation party of a kid I used to babysit.

We were sitting in the back of the dining room, out of the way, when I saw someone i slightly recognized in the hallway. Not sure from where, but he was the kind of guy that you couldnt stop looking at. He was clearly into fitness, his shirt couldnt hide the muscular features he had been perfecting either, despite him dressing nothing out of the ordinary. He had beautiful ink crawling up his leg, an artform that would only mean something to someone who is more spiritually awake. But more noticable about anything was that smile.

God that smile. His face was scruffy, as if he had been away, but regardless, the smile he had influenced his entire ora. His eyes smiled, his walk... smiled. He had some kind of thing about him that was a physical draw I had never known for myself before. Dont get me wrong, i have been woo'd by many men so far in my life, from all stages in life, but This one was just, different. He was making his way around the room, & I could hear his voice over my mom who's talking beside me. I had literally been blocked out by my ever wondering thoughts of this random stranger whom felt familiar.

Then, he was there, at our table?

He was so easy to talk to, not even sure how we started now, but all I know is I was not nervous despite my very physical attraction to him.

He spoke of traveling, and adventures hes been on. This guy had a whole other life in the military at one point and now was traveling, working for a company that sends him around the US.

This guy had Hope's and dreams and somehow we got to talking about that kind of thing at a graduation party?

When I left that day, I thought about him. Not just him specifically, but men like him. Had I chosen Brent wrongfully? Does brent even like who I am anymore, what does he want going forward in his own life? How do I even fit into that? He understands my need for adventure but his actions say that he doesnt want to come along. My mind was loopy after that because for the first real time I questioned, what if there was someone who wanted to see the world,  Who liked my sad music, and my emotions being in everything I do? What if there was a women more interested in the simple home life, having a couple dogs and living a small, comfortable life? Are we doing one another a disservice by occupying oneanother's lives? How could I ever bring that up with Brent at all without making him feel so inadiquite after a year of terrible sickness and defeat?

Well, when I went to that big, gorgeous dream home the following week to house sit for 2 weeks... begging him to come see me, I grew weak from overthinking. I cried, I cried so much the first 3 days.

I cried from a place of such sadness, anger, bitterness, defeat, they were so strong. My mind was cloudy, drunk, stoned, tired.... I found myself writing a suicide letter.

My plan was to disappear, I knew I'd find a firearm in the home & allow someone to find my remains eventually in the hills where I'd walk far enough.

I prepared by cleaning the litterbox, laying out several bowls of water for the dog and cat, and watered all the plants heavily. I transfered brent all the money in my bank accounts, and as I waited for the sheets to come out of the dryer I balled my eyes out, reading the last conversations I had had with my family members. I thought to myself how the kids would take it, what different life choices they would make having been close with someone before their passing. At this point, I needed something, but I needed it from someone who doesnt know me in my life right now, but the me that was worth saving. The me I still recognized.

I called an old friend from 2nd grade. Hadnt talked to her in years and years, didnt known her life, her schedual, her name(which had been changed). But she talked me down. She saved my fucking life. It took a person who knew my soul years ago, to remind me I am not alone.

I dont blame my parents, or who I thought would be my future husband. I had talked with my aunt earlier that day and she couldnt see it either. I had become this fake shell of a person and it took considering an actual murder of myself to make me see that if I continued this path, I would die eventually and nobody in my life would ever see me preparing for it.

That night, I invited a complete stranger over and we fucked like rabbits. 4 times. He got to do things he'd never done before, and I begged him to. Sounds cold, sounds unapologetically disgusting that I'd do something like that, but quite frankly, I FUCKING needed it. I needed someone to see me, even if he didnt see my current life nor care about me as a person... he saw, touched, kissed, sucked and ate me up. For the first time in at least 2 years, i felt satisfaction when I walked him to the door and watched his car drive away.

It was like a sigh of relief, an inch I could not reach for the longest time, gone. Finally.

The following days, brent began putting in more effort. It has been 3 weeks and I'd say he has been kinder to me than he had in a while (probably the lack of testosterone) but also, I havnt seen much of him in general. From his point of view, it is all fine. Hes getting the space he needed, I'm being nicer since I quit massage Envy, and things are looking up....

But that is because he doesnt See Me.

My suisidal thoughts subsided after my long conversation with Scout. & that night I called my cousin as well, and learned he too had been in my shoes before. He said something that stuck with me.

If everyone has an expiration date on their life already, and we don't know when it is, you're to the point that you're life is so invaluable that youd kill yourself than flee your life and make one you want. Dont care about the people youd hurt, because suicide is just as careless as abandoning them all indefinitely.

He was so right, it put things into perspective, gave me a freedom I felt I was waiting to gain permission for.

Five days later, I noticed He had written me 5 before, on the day I had truly planned to end my current life..

He had written me at 12am, what would someone like him, a gorgeous, beefed out, big thinker, high energy, go getter be doing messaging me, a tired women who was 300lbs a year ago, (still working on getting to a normal size) and completely at a crossroads with existance.

I entertained the connvo a tad, and honestly forgot about it for a few days as I figured no way he could be serious.

He triple messaged me, and asked for my personal contact info to have real conversation?

Hesitantly, and wildly excited to even just flirt for a moment with someone who is literally everything I fantasize when I'm alone everynight....

Our conversation immediately took off. In directions I hadnt expected at all what so ever. He told me he had to admit he felt drawn to me, like he had known me in another life. That he doesnt expect me to get it, but I did. We talked about things that only my sister and I can relate to on a spirituality standard and it changed me in that instant. Suddenly i realize, I wasn't broken, I was just misunderstood. & that there are people in this world that See Me even when I am not trying. Not many, and it takes a specific Kind of person, but they do exist and when you meet them, you cant ignore it. It is as if they stain you with remembrance.

As the sexually hungry humans we are, not only did we find that morality, values, future goals coexist, but also our importance of intimacy. Not just lust and sex, well, yes that too, uff did those conversations get so, fucking, hot, but the interactions of intimacy and how they make a person whole.

I opened up to him about Brent, and where I am at in life, asking he please oversee my unfaithfulness, but that I am loyal at heart. He says with such pain in his voice how he too in a parallel position simultaneously, however, he married her 7 years ago.

Ugh.

So now I get to choose. Do I chose mortality, say no, brent and the other women deserve to understand the severity of sex, love and passion, and if they chose not to then we will leave before we act on our mutual attraction....? Or, do we say hell with it and give in to serendipity moments that our hearts crave so badly, take on the consequences and move forward. Sigh. If only there was a guideline for complicated.

Last night, as the 5 nights before, we talked for hours on the phone. His voice makes me smile every, damn, time. Perhaps because it's new and exciting, or maybe I just love to hear him go on his tangents of loving yourself despite the bad in life. I Want him. I want him when I wake, &when I go to sleep. I do not want a life without him& it saddens me to know our timing is incorrect. He asked her for a divorce a year ago, but has sat comfortably as I have despite the horror because weve both been too busy, too tired, too... afraid that life will always be lonely. Last night, he said to me, Elise, I love you. I avoided it several times but when he said it two more times, I couldnt keep it any longer to myself, Jackson, I really do Love you as well. It's scary, and faster than I'd ever say it to anyone. But I know it to be true because I Feel it. I want his love so badly. I want him to live life along side of me because with a person like him, I'd be a better me.

I am absolutely terrified. My life, my home, my family, dogs, my 5 year relationship, the unborn children brent and I have named, and the houses we'd have... all gone?

Running away with a man who says hes going to leave his wife is absolutely stupid. I'd be an idiot to think I am enough to get him through that fear of change, yet he gives me strength to want to try, so maybe I do, Him?

Ugh my brain being pulled in many ways. My heart having been in pieces so many times now doesnt know who to go to or why. I know for certain I love Brent, is this a self gratifying moment To push me back to him? Is this the devil bringing two lost people together to ruin four people at once?or is this Fate. Fate that has seen both of us individually loosing ourselves in a life we didnt want and has brought us together to lean on one another, temporarily not?

Suppose time will tell.

Last two days he has been working a ton, and told me that tomorrow he has something he needs to talk to me about.

I assume it isnt good. I assume it is the first put off of many, because, I know I want to do the same. Part of me says I should block him right now, because lust, and attraction, both mentally and physically like that couldnt make a women addicted and that's a no good addiction when he has a women in his house with his last name. 😔

[dazzlingtiredeyes]

4 and Older!Mileven for the prompts

4- A drunken kiss 

Dearest anon!! I am ashamed to deliver this news but If im honest I always have a hard time imagining the kids, even as adults, getting drunk… They are just… Such nerds. So I gave the request a more vanilla Spin-off that I believe will still fullfill your messy confused Mileven needs! They are only slightly aged up in his Drabble, around their freshmen high school year, notice what I did here…

~

In the past three years of her new life Eleven had seen the pretty face of Mike Wheeler rapidly change from one expression to another in various occasions. She had seen the daunted look in his eyes as the boys reached the climax of a D&D campaign turn to one of utter failure when his character was killed by Will’s, she saw the bored look of staring at the pile of unfinished homework at Hawkins public library shift to a puppy-love gaze when he looked up to find her there, even his outraged glare soften to an understanding look after having one of his Star Wars action figures broken accidentally by Holly but realizing how guilty she was feeling about it; but never had El seen such a countless amount of emotions shamelessly run through his facial gestures in the time lapse of ten seconds.

Lucas had been explaining to her while they sat with the rest of the boys at the Dentist’s waiting room that Mike would be be acting not quite like himself when they met him after his teeth removal and, honestly, she still didn’t understand most of what he tried to describe, but at least she was grasping the main idea. Even so, there were many questions still roaming in the back of her head, what exactly was this gas they were applying Mike? Why did it have this strange effect on him? Were they hurting him? She truly hoped they weren’t. All these adults walking around the sterile clean building in white lab coats reminded her all too much of the bad men of her childhood and she had too keep reminding herself she was there for Mike. Some more minutes passed before a lady around her thirties with round glasses and her chocolate hair pulled back in a low ponytail exited the room where they saw him disappear an hour ago to announce they would be allowing visits from then on.

Lucas had not exaggerated in the smallest bit, by the way. For the first time in her life Mike seemed unreadable to her, something she had always found pride in being able to do with ease. He was still resting over the dental chair where his cavity was treated just mere minutes ago, his face remained in constant changing like the water of a river, one second he looked euphoric, now he was confused, now it was an improbable mix of both emotions.

“Hey guys! I'm– I’m… I’m… Mike? I think.” Had he really forgotten his own name for a second there? His look of pure bewilderment proved her thoughts right “Oh yeah! I’m about to get my cavity taken out…!”.

But that had just happened…

Far from her concern, Dustin seemed pretty entertained by his friend’s behavior “Mike, you already had it taken out!”. So was Will who laughed along next to him.

“Whaaat?! Really?” He inspected his surroundings for a minute, and seemed astonished to find himself in the dentist consulting room “When did I get here?”

“About an hour ago” informed a chuckling Lucas

“Mike?…” Eleven called for him, still trying hard to find the boy she knew somewhere behind that mask of obliviousness and confusement

And she did find a fragment of that boy when his eyes landed on her, a very familiar tender look in them was enough proof that aliens hadn’t, in fact, taken her dear Mike away and replaced him with a poorly performed copy. Mike reached out a hand to meet hers without the usual hesitation he showed when the rest of the boys where present.

“El… You look so pretty…” She didn’t? She was literally in her always to-go jeans and and old but cozy sweater… El was okay with the comfort but a hundred percent certain that this wasn’t her best presentation “So so pretty pretty…”

This Mike was sort of charming in his own way. He squeezed her hand and suddenly looked up, eyes wide as plates.

“The snowball! We’re going to be laaate, for… For the snowball…”

Now it was her turn to laugh, already figuring out the conduct pattern of this Mike and being convinced he was okay. As long as Lucas’ word of this only lasting a couple hours was true she would be just fine with it.

“We already went to the snowball.” She smiled returning the squeeze

“We did?” Asked the poor boy as if it was the discovery of the century

“Twice in fact.” Commented Dustin

Mike used his free hand to count to two with his fingers, and proceeded to raise them in disbelief “We went twice?!”

But before anything else was said, the same lady who let them in appeared back at the doorframe. “I’m sorry kids… I’m afraid you misunderstood my words. Michael is now accepting visits but only one by one is allowed. We can’t let the room be too crowded while he’s still in this state.” She said apologetically

They all exchanged looks together, mostly focusing on Mike’s and El’s intertwined fingers before coming to obvious conclusions of who would the patient in question prefer to keep by his side at the moment. Lucas, Dustin and Will waved at his friend as the walked by the door.

Mike turned to Eleven “Hey, where are we by the way?”

As much as El would’ve gladly answered his question she was currently, too busy controlling her giggles. And Mike seemed more pleased with the sight than with any possible verbal answer she could have given.

“You have such a pretty… Pretty face… A pretty laughing face, a pretty laugh!” He rambled “…I once thought I’d never hear it again.” In the blink of an eye his face dropped into a sort of gloomy aura “never ever never… Ever…”

El stopped her own laugh and plopped down next to him on the small remaining space in the dental chair.

“But I came back didn’t I?” She smiled

“Yes…” Mike unconsciously tightened his grip on her hand smiling “for Eggos?” El couldn’t believe the seriousness he was asking that question with.

“Uh… That could be a reason… Probably. I also came back because I liked it better here… And I came back for Joyce and the guys… And I came back for you…”

“For me?” He looked so hopeful

“Specially you.”

One second, he was holding her hand, and in the other, he was holding her face and kissing her. Mike practically smacked his face against hers, nearly knocking all the wind from her lungs like he did a couple years ago, when El was just a little girl experiencing love for the first time and he was just a sweaty boy trying to show his affection. The kiss was almost like the ones she was used to receive any other day, it was soft and comforting… and heart warming. But there was also something messier about this one… More curios, more greedy. They weren’t kids anymore after all, and even thought Mike would never push the boundaries he was so afraid to cross when counting with all his senses, that was not the case at the moment.

A very red faced Eleven walked shyly out of the room announcing it was someone else’s turn to see their friend.

[aliceslantern]

Nocturnal Memory, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic--Chapter 3

[Summary: Dying takes a lot out of you, it's true, but when Demyx wakes up for the first time since his fight with Sora nothing's right. His memories are fragmented and he's missing his true name. And he's not the only one. An incomprehensible mystery and an inevitable war make him question what, exactly, he would do to become whole, and reclaim the music lost to him. 

Chapter summary: After learning some horrifying news about his reformation, Demyx sits in on an intel meeting, where he is propositioned by the Radiant Garden Restoration committee 

 On FF.net/on AO3]

III.

The Committee

The walk back to his room was silent. Demyx tried to push against the wall of anxiety that was threatening to crush him—think of literally anything else—but it seemed to be in vain. He felt like he was choking.

"Nine?" Ienzo asked. "Are you all right? You seem… overwhelmed."

No shit. "I… I'm… I want to be alone," he said in a small voice. "Please."

"You're certain?" He asked.

He nodded.

"I'll come to check up on you," Ienzo said. "There's a committee meeting later and we feel your input would be valuable. But if you don't feel up to it I understand."

The whole time he spoke all Demyx could think was shut up shut up stop talking. And when the door was finally, blessedly shut, leaving him in the solitude of this horrible room, he sank down onto the mattress. At first he tried to resist the urge to curl into a ball and cry, but he wasn't sure what else he would do with himself if he didn't.

What the hell am I supposed to think about that? What do I do now?

What was worse, there was nothing for him to do. He knew that Even and Ienzo usually knew what they were talking about, or at least speculated in the right direction. Unless some miracle befell him, he was royally fucked.

After hours of panicking, Demyx had thought that the day wouldn't get any worse. Of course, he was wrong.

He wasn't sure how he had found himself sitting at the Restoration Committee's panel that afternoon. Maybe it was because he was slowly going mad and the prospect of having something—anything—other than his own literal deterioration to think about was appealing. Maybe he thought that seeing his old coworkers would make him think that this current reality was just a nightmare. Maybe he was just too tired to object to Ienzo's invitation. Either way, there he was, sitting at a long wooden table with Even and Ienzo, waiting for the others to arrive. He wasn't even a hundred percent sure who all the "others" were, but he knew that if Sora showed up Demyx might die. Again.

"How have you been processing this, Nine?" Ienzo asked. "You seemed… distressed… when I left you."

"Why are you calling me Nine again?" Demyx asked. "I asked you to call me by my name."

Ienzo nodded. "It's habit, I suppose," he said, but Demyx could tell by the way he knotted his hands that he was lying.

"Who else is in this hell committee that I'm not aware of?" He asked instead of pressing farther. "He's not… Sora's not…"

"No. Sora isn't coming. I wouldn't have asked you to come if he were. He's far too busy right now." Ienzo flipped open a notebook; Demyx squinted.

"Hey," he asked. "Where's your lexicon? Couldn't you take notes in that?"

Ienzo stared at him, but before he could formulate an answer the door banged open. Axel's Somebody barged in. Unlike the rest of them, he was still wearing the black coat, albeit with a red and orange kerchief around his neck. There was a glowing confidence to him that was different than before, more wholesome. He caught Demyx's eye. "Well, look who it is?" He came over and clapped him on the shoulder. "I was wondering when these two eggheads would let you rejoin normal society."

"Nine's health has been delicate," Ienzo interjected. "We figured it was best for him to remain behind." Ienzo's jaw and shoulders were tight. Even had a hard, uncomfortable look on his face, and his hands were clutched in front of him, the knuckles white. Demyx didn't understand why they were reacting to Axel like this.

Axel's Somebody shrugged. "Whatever you say. Anyway, how have you been?" He spoke very quickly, and didn't let Demyx answer. "It's like the gang's all here. Well. For the most part. Name's Lea, by the way. I figured you were wondering."

"All… all right," Demyx said. "You look… good."

"It's been a wild ride," Lea admitted. He flopped down in the seat next to Demyx and propped his feet up on the table; Ienzo wrinkled his nose. "Did brownnoser here tell you the news?"

"That depends on which news," Demyx said tersely.

"I'm a Keyblade wielder," he said. He smiled smugly. "It's been surreal, I admit…"

"Wait… what? But… aren't there only like two Keyblade wielders, ever?" He couldn't mesh his concept of Lea with his idea of what a Keyblade wielder should be like.

Lea whistled. "Boy, do you have a lot to learn."

He put his head in his hands. "Look, everything's really complicated right now, I've been told like a million things. I'm kind of overwhelmed."

Lea laughed. "Good thing you're at an intel meeting then." He slapped Demyx on the shoulder again. He turned to Even. Even's voice was level, but strangely harsh. Demyx wasn't listening; he was again slipping. He wanted to get up and run out of the room. But then what? Where would he go?

The door opened again and in came Dilan and Aeleus. Dilan's gaze passed right over Demyx, and he spoke in a low voice to Even about something that had happened on the outskirts of the castle. The noise in the room seemed muffled and Demyx found himself getting dizzy again. After so long with only Ienzo for company, the sight of so many people was almost too much.

"It's good to see you back in full health, Nine," Aeleus said. He sat across from him. The deep blue of his guard uniform softened his otherwise harsh features; without the frame of the black cloak, Demyx barely recognized him. He even afforded him a smile. "We've been worried."

"…Thank you," he said, though he doubted it.

"Have you been briefed about the situation?" He continued in that unnervingly kind voice.

"Sort of?" Demyx asked. "It's hard to tell what I know and don't know. I know about the vessels, and how we had hearts all along, and now I just learned about Lea—"

Dilan, on his other side, rolled his eyes. "Ah, yes. Seems like something right out of a torrid pulp novel, does it not?" He paused. "And presumably you haven't been told about what we would like you to do?"

This day was getting weirder and weirder, or was the right phrase worse and worse? "Um… no?"

"Well obviously you're quite skilled at intelligence gathering. Nobody would dispute that fact." He chuckled. "So you see—"

The door opened again. A dull headache sprung up in his head. A small group of people came in, chatting. Demyx recognized them from all his reconnaissance work—this was the core of the Restoration Committee. He knew their faces better than their names. It was strange to see them so up-close. This was getting too surreal. His tried to keep his breathing level.

Before he looked down, he caught the gaze of the shorter, dark-haired girl. She gave him the same look of disgust as you would a rat in the gutter. Demyx looked away. He felt nauseous now and just wanted this to be over.

"How long do these meetings usually take?" He whispered to Dilan.

"That would depend on our friends," he said. "Sometimes they have a lot to say, sometimes very little. It all depends on the information they have gathered."

"From Sora?" Demyx watched the woman with brown hair chat with Aeleus. She had a kind smile on her face.

"And the other allies."

"Allies? So… like… we're… actively fighting this? This being Xe—"

Dilan tapped his palm. "Not yet, Nine."

Demyx groaned. "Not you too."

"So then it hasn't been explained to you?"

"I don't know!" He said a bit more loudly than he intended; the older man with the blond hair gave him a look. "I don't know anything about… anything."

The angry girl sat next to Dilan. She rolled her eyes and then started talking to the brown-haired woman. Dilan raised one eyebrow.

Demyx turned to Dilan. "I think I have to go." He tried to get up—for a minute he thought his legs might be too weak to stand—but a voice stopped him.

"All right. Is everybody ready to proceed?" Ienzo asked. Demyx took a deep breath to try and steady himself. He wouldn't listen, that was all. He wouldn't listen and it would be fine.

He'd been trained too well from many years of reconnaissance and annoying meetings. No matter how much he tried to distract himself words like casualties and undeniable influence and total world annihilation slipped through his net and a trembling nausea grew in the pit of his stomach. Demyx couldn't help but wonder—had the old Organization done things like this? Of course, he'd never committed any atrocities like that with his own hands during his tenure, but had he planted the seeds just by following orders? He put his head in his hands and tried to push the thoughts away.

"…And that's where you come in."

Dilan nudged him; Demyx was being addressed. He looked up. "What was that?" He asked.

The angry girl—her name was Yuffie—snorted.

"You'll have to excuse him, Nine has been inundated with quite a bit of information today," Ienzo said. The babying, though well-intentioned, just made him feel worse, and a hot flush flooded his face.

"Well, obviously it would be good to have you in the field, with your reconnaissance skills," the man with the scar said. "But… there is another… more pressing matter where we feel you could be helpful."

And if I don't want to? "…And what would that be?" Demyx felt heat building behind his eyes and he prayed that he wouldn't start crying.

"The reservoirs are in shitty shape," the blond man, Cid, said. "They're old, and we don't have the resources to fix them properly."

He blinked quickly. "I don't get it."

"Your power over water. If you could clean our fresh water sources and reroute them while someone else fixes the old system, instead of investing so much time trying to mine new wells, it would be immensely helpful. We have to ration enough with the dry season coming." Aerith, the kind woman, afforded him another genuine smile.

Demyx was reaching the end of his rope. He couldn't hold the panic back anymore; it was like an elastic band and it was about to snap on him. Truthfully he hadn't thought about his powers since waking up. Maybe it was just his terrible reformation, but he wasn't even sure if he had any powers at all anymore.

"Nine is still healing from a traumatic metaphysical wound," Ienzo added. "Right now, using his powers might endanger him."

"It would be wonderful if you could try, though I understand." Aerith tilted her head. Of course. They all wanted something from him but they didn't care how he felt about it. His eyes were damp. Hold on. Hold on. The angry girl was now starting at him with a bemused expression. They were all staring at him, waiting for him to say something. Only Lea had the decency to look away.

"Yes. I'll try. Whatever. Now I, um, have to go." He didn't listen for a response. He didn't care who he had to trip over to get out of the room, he just had to get out. Demyx stumbled over to the door and slammed it on his way out. He was able to get to the end of the hall before the panic overtook him completely and he collapsed. He leaned against the wall and choked for air. He couldn't feel his fingers and he thought his chest might split open.

"Hey, buddy." A voice—so soft he had trouble placing it as Lea's—called out to him.

The humiliation burned through him, and he gritted his teeth. "Why won't you people leave me alone?"

He heard the zipper of Lea's jacket brush against itself as he sat down. "I only wanted to see if you were alright."

He laughed through a sob. "Oh, that's rich."

"You held it together really well, considering. I can only imagine. Ienzo told me about your reformation."

The word vomit was on the edge of his tongue—he wondered if he would spill. "Nobody seems to care about how I feel, or what I want. They're all… they're all treating me like a child, trying to figure out, "oh, what will we deign ourselves to tell Demyx today?" And they all want something. I know it. But I didn't ask for any of this to happen." He was shaking with adrenaline.

Lea's expression was aggravatingly neutral. Demyx wanted him to contradict him, or to tell him off. "No, I get it."

"Look. I don't care about this stupid committee, or the resistance, or whatever. I just want to live." He knew how pathetic he must sound. "But who knows if that'll happen." For a few minutes he flat-out cried while Lea sat there. His old wounds were getting irritated.

Lea stood. "Want to go for a walk?"

Getting out of the castle was appealing, but he wasn't sure he could. "I guess."

He forced himself to his feet. His hands still trembled, but he was more or less over the worst, at least for now.

Demyx and Lea walked through the hallways in silence. Lea mercifully moved very slowly. They passed by some open windows, and Demyx realized that he hadn't yet been outside since waking up. A cool breeze fluttered the ragged curtains; it looked like it would rain soon. He leaned against the frame and closed his eyes. The air felt good against his swollen face. "What'll happen to me?" He asked. He didn't expect an answer; he just wanted to hear it out loud.

"I'm sure it'll all work out," Lea said. "You've been lucky this far."

Lucky? He called this lucky?

Lea touched him on the shoulder. "You want to keep going?"

Demyx sighed. "No. I'm pretty tired. I think I just want to lie down."

But he didn't move. The air smelled like spring rain and relief. He was falling. Falling? Fa—