#I like to be vague about my issues but I am grieving and it is very hard

[iris-kinnie]

Thank you all for the well wishes. It means a lot.

[csjwrites]

To Die Young

I always imagined myself to die young.

I still do.

Not young in a sense that I would be gone in less than a decade, before I even reach my 30's. Young, as in my mid-50's, when my friends start lamenting about being old already but I still could have things like retirement and the health issues brought by age waiting for me. I would never experience them, I would simply be gone.

I would still have the energy to travel the world so I can close my eyes under the Japanese sun or the Egyptian heat. Young, as in being just young enough to witness a loved one's second marriage but not them grieving that partner that always understood them better than the one that simply left.

I always imagined myself to die young.

I wouldn't die tragically, no. I imagine the most tragic thing about my death would be the fact that I still could've had life left. I won't mind, of course, because to be stagnant is worse than ceasing to exist.

I always imagined I wouldn't believe in things like savings or having a plan or knowing what life will look like in a decade. I can plan five years ahead, sure, but no further than that. Someone told me once that some people have kids but no money, and others have money but no kids. I will probably have neither. I won't be rich, nor will I ever be a mother, and I desire neither.

I will escape my homeland for half-assed dreams with a vague idea of who I am and who I want to be. Evidence of my existence will be minimal, and every time I resurface with new stories from across the world, I'll leave again. I won't have to exaggerate my stories, either, because I will take every opportunity to an adventure I find. Safety and certainty are certainly for those who don't carry my name, and will never know me either.

I will have enough to feed myself and look nice, occasionally splurging on expensive wine when I forget I don't drink or on handmade fans that will create a collection in my suitcase. I will never be able to afford a house or retirement. I will work a thousand different jobs, sell my art and heart to strangers. I will walk cobblestone streets in heels and donate anything I no longer need to prettier, younger people I meet on my journey.

I will change my plan whenever I want, and worry only about myself, but stay I will not.

I will stay elegant and free until the day I breathe my last breath, and I won't leave anything for my siblings, except the memories I had time to share. Perhaps those memories will then outlive me.

I will be gone sooner than you realize, as slightly over three decades is not that long time.

But when I do, know that I lived, and there was nothing more I could've wanted.

[heartshapedhackjob]

I will make this post and then be done with this childish behavior. I feel as though every other person on earth is having a good time except for me. They say that these should be the best years of my life but I feel chained to these feelings about my body and my abuse and my worries about the future of my loved ones. My mother called me while I was writing this post and I answered and hung up without speaking. I've done that three times this week. I don't know how to have a conversation with her. I don't know how to live in a body that's suffered this much abuse and I know I'm not the ONLY person who has ever been abused but if you had as many vague health issues as I do if you could not leave home for longer than an hour or two because you are too scared to use a public bathroom. If you had to hear everyone talk about your abuser and his recovery on a constant fucking daily basis. you would feel this way too. Friends tell me about their sexual escapades and it makes me sick with bitterness and envy because it will never be that easy for me again. Sex is the scariest thing in the world to me. I told others yesterday that I would give up sex for food which is so rich coming from an anorexic. everyone tells me my emotions are too much and they all have a different diagnosis for me borderline histrionic schizophrenic etc but I feel like nobody cares about why I feel this way to begin with it's easier for them that way to act like it can be wrapped up and fixed with a pretty little bow. I am obsessed with how my body looks. Getting skinnier consumes most of my waking thoughts. I have so much I should feel happy about. I keep telling myself when xyz happens then I will get sober, feel better, get my shit together , it will all be okay then and then that day comes and those thoughts drift away like fog. I don't talk to anyone in real life outside of my immediate family and significant other. I'm going to quit my job probably or get fired. My new therapist told me I'm histrionic which is probably why I'm making this post; I probably have clinical depression too. I'm drinking again. Alcohol feels like my only higher power. I'm not allowed to grieve about it all

[nemovanilla]

okay now i know how to articulate my feelings about the ending. i LIKE the idea of it but i dislike the execution. horikoshi did a fantastic job doing the first seven steps of every arc, and he did a good job on the tenth step, but he glossed over or entirely skipped eight and nine for certain characters (like midroriya). and i could go into a lot of detail about that but i dont really want to spend all my time complaining about the series i love.

i did really like how uraraka, shoji, todoroki, and all mights arcs went. i’m nearly completely satisfied with bakugos arc, though yeah i do wish the hand reach had more focus in the chapter (however this is minor). i do actually like that kid dai, but i think it shouldve been less focused on. the main thing i find upsetting is that midoriya had to wait, and his friends had to pay, for his ability to be a hero. what, he saves the world and he gets nothing? really? thats kinda heartbreaking, but it also shows that… has society even really changed all that much? i also take issue with the fact that he seems more or less unaffected by shigarakis death and being in the war in general. i can understand if hori doesnt wanna get too much into ptsd or anything like that for the sake of simplicity or ease or something, however it feels ultimately cheap or rushed by completely glossing over it, to the point that i cant even tell if midoriya ever had complicated feelings at all. did we need him to have an actual breakdown? no. but i really feel his character would have benefited from even just a conversation with someone, be it bakugo, all might, uraraka, his mom, whatever. he didnt get to take the time to figure out what heroism is to him, and we didnt get to see him do it. although im glad that he ended up being a quirkless hero in the end, i just wish he had more emotional depth on the way there.

i actually dont have too many problems with the villains. its sad that they all either died or ended up in shitty situations, but realistically they wouldnt see anything else. if they did survive theyd get thrown in tartarus forever. yeah, if society did change they would have sympathy, but they are still mass murderers and terrorists. it sucks but its reality. and anyway their arcs where handled well as far as the narrative is concerned, so im 99% happy on this front. although i am grieving.

a lot of people have problems with hawks being in charge of the hero system, and if i were writing mha it wouldnt have happened, but for the politics hori set up throughout the story, it fits and is honeslty seen from a mile away. this is supposed to be evidence of individuals within society changing.

the only thing that genuinely shocked/upset me is the lack of an emotional confrontation for midoriya, such as dvk3 but not necessarily that. if that had happened, even vaguely on one page, i would have way fewer issues. otherwise? im okay with this. its an above average ending, but its not mindblowing like the rest of the series, which i think is what really gets me in the end.

my love for the series VASTLY outweighs my distrust of the ending. horikoshi, thank you so much for writing this amazing story, even if you didnt totally stick the landing, it was so much fun for all of us and i will look back on these years with fondness. and by the way everyone, im not going anywhere for a looooong time. mha has my heart forever.

[firstwcman]

𝖋𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖙𝖜𝖈𝖒𝖆𝖓 / firstwcman; a somewhat divergent & personal portrayal of Lilith Morningstar from Hazbin Hotel, woven with pieces of mythology and headcanons, written by Red.

𝖊𝖝𝖕𝖊𝖈𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘 / expectations; this blog will feature dark and sexual content, seeing as the setting itself is placed in Hell and Lilith is a highly sensual character. there will also be mentions and discussions of child loss, miscarriages, and the grief of difficult conception as this is a core part of Lilith's character. muns below the age of 21 will be blocked on sight. you're pushing it at 20 lmao.

𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖌 / blog; this blog is somewhat private & mutuals only (opens are free game, however). original characters are very welcome, and I am crossover friendly to an extent. please read Lilith's about before interacting. this blog does not tag trigger warnings.

activity: very low for grieving.

𝖆𝖇𝖔𝖚𝖙 / about.

𝖗𝖚𝖑𝖊𝖘 / rules.

𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖊𝖘 / verses.

𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖉𝖎𝖙𝖘 / credits.

𝖒𝖚𝖓 / mun.

𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖒𝖔 / promo.

𝖔𝖕𝖊𝖓𝖘 / opens.

𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖒𝖕𝖙𝖘 / prompts.

𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖒𝖆𝖓𝖊𝖓𝖙 𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖈𝖆𝖑𝖑 / permanent starter call.

𝖑𝖎𝖑𝖎𝖙𝖍'𝖘 𝖜𝖆𝖑𝖑 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖊𝖝𝖙 / lilith's wall of text.

𝖕𝖎𝖓𝖓𝖊𝖉 𝖆𝖗𝖙 / pinned art by hinsou.

𝖘𝖕𝖔𝖙𝖎𝖋𝖞 𝖆𝖗𝖙 / spotify art by hellpple_hz.

lilith icon by ChandlLucky.

𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖌 𝖗𝖔𝖑𝖑 / blog roll;

@gctchell - my hellaverse multimuse where this lovely lady was moved from.

@dustedlilac - my take on vaggie which dates back to 2018, very canon divergent.

@crimsonfacets - my general multimuse, comprised almost entirely of animated characters.

@krupnick - my jessica rabbit who is on a long hiatus at the moment.

@faircanopus - my elizabeth m. from black butler / kuroshitsuji.

@wolfofwinchester - my take on claudia p. from black butler / kuroshitsuji, heavily canon divergent.

upcoming events;

🎪 all is quiet on the pride front.

Divergence notices;

I play with both version ideas of God creating Lilith and Adam as well as the Angels. I can swap easily depending on my partner's preference, though to keep with canon, I'll default to the Angels for casual. My portrayal was made 1/30/2024. The beach scene is not my lore, nor is this vague deal made with Adam. If I like it in the future, I might play with it, but for now I'm just doing my own thing. I've had this woman for a year prior in private and am going with some of the things I have worked into her from behind the scenes to mix with canon as much as I am comfortable with. As my default, Lilith and Lucifer are not actually separated in my portrayal. Hell could certainly think so, and Charlie could definitely think that they have some issues going on, i.e, the last time she saw them together, it was in disagreement over the Sinners and the Extermination, the one thing that Lilith and Lucifer collide on as they exist at polar opposite points on the spectrum in their personal regards. If separation is something that you as my rp partner would like to play with, please discuss it with me first! As stated in my rules, I personally do not accept the sexual innuendo involving the apple. I have been playing the marriage as monogamous and do not have interest in playing with an open relationship/marriage concept.

[toseeclearly]

i deleted everything by accident

I deleted everything by accident, and now I am grieving.

It's not that these things were important, technically. I deleted a tumblr I barely used or looked at; a place where I would start to write a post, get cold feet, and then leave it in the drafts until I no longer wanted to do anything with it. That's all it was, a graveyard to things I was never going to complete, ideas I'd given up on, plans I never followed through with.

But still, the day they rip the memorial down is still sad, and you'll forever walk by that lamp post and remember that, at one point, there were flowers here.

So I guess I just... use this how I used to use the internet: like a diary. I was once a dedicated blogger, back in the days when being a "blogger" had some sort of caché (I think if you said that now, someone would assume you were using some sort of throwback term, like asking aloud if anyone knew of a video store they could check out. Are there any video stores left? I don't know, and I don't feel like googling right now). I wanted to be a writer, a blogger, I wanted to be like all the cool teens I followed who had custom webpages with sections where they'd post about their thoughts and other sections for cool things they did with their friends. I wanted to be their friend and be posted on their cool blog! But this was the early 2000s, where the only way to contact these people was to either stalk a forum they might be on, or email them directly, and both of those always felt unappealing. So instead, I wrote about my life and my friends, read my friends blogs, hoped to be cool enough to be included. Hundreds of posts, stories and essays and quiz results and absolutely atrocious poetry, we wrote so much, I wrote so much. And all of it is gone, now. Blogs long deleted, websites no longer active, everything lost to digital decay. Or, if you're me, you delete your tumblr by accident while massively tired and only realise too late what you've done. More decay, more insignificant pieces of the web burned away. I'm the only one who cares, but that's fine. I can... rebuild. Or just use this space for my own terrible navel gazing.

I write a lot. I have a fair amount of published work, but I also write a lot that never sees the light of day (and probably never should, mostly for quality control issues). I spent a lot of nights writing Parkdale Haunt, a lot of very late evenings hammering out page after page after page until my eyes hurt and my brain was trying to escape my skull, but it felt good. It was a good time. There's several episodes where I wrote the first draft in a complete haze, like when you're running a marathon (NOTE: I have never run a marathon, but like, stick with me here, I'm just extrapolating from my time as a long distance runner) (SECOND NOTE: I hated long distance running and quit to focus on sprinting and hurdling, which I loved, because sprinting is designed for people who want all their endorphins RIGHT NOW and hurdling is designed for masochists, and the 400m hurdles is the perfect race if you just want to punish yourself for any feeling of hubris that you've ever had in your entire curséd life) and you're just zoning out and pushing through any thought you might have that says hey man, what if you just - oh, I don't know - lied down on that patch of grass over there? Yeah, that would be sick as fuck. Writing feels like that for me sometimes, like hey, wouldn't it be nice to just go to bed? Yeah, bed is good. But then I would look down and there'd be 15 pages in front of me, and I'd feel... great. And also exhausted and vaguely headachy, but great. Then I would just spam Emily and/or Ian with screenshots of scenes at random times. Being in my vicinity means you're getting unhinged screenshots at some point.

So I've been writing again. I've got two scripts going for a new show, here's to hoping it works out. And I guess I can write here when I need/want to procrastinate. I don't have much of a footprint left after I threw my fucking shoes in the ocean.

All this has done is made me miss hurdling.

[bringslife]

ㅤ                he brings the storm in his wake ...

indie  ,   mutually exclusive ,  novelizations &    canon  compliant , with possible divergences      +       headcanon    based    portrayal    of    bbc doctor who's   fifteenth regeneration of the doctor. carrd tracklist blogroll pinterest

inspired themes: i bring life , the last of your kind , loneliness , running , your fears coming to life , the need for adventure , abandonment , loss , maybe i'm the bad luck , found family , laughing hard , moving on - onwards and upwards , not dealing with trauma

001.

no drama, dont pressure for replies, no vague blogging. don't be a dick, don’t follow if you don’t plan on interacting with me. you can reblog from me but don't use me as a resource. activity may be somewhat low as i have a full-time job, life outside of rp & other blogs i want to try to be active on, this blog will be the one i plan on being the most active on however.

002.

racists, homophobes, transphobes, antisemites, islamophobes etc are not welcome here. i will block in those circumstances. dark themes may be present as they relate to my muse: death, war, depictions of ptsd, grief, please be advised. i have no issues writing darker themes, however, i will not write or interact with those who write rape, incest, pedophilia.

003.

i would love to establish dynamics, whether it be romantic, antagonistic, platonic, etc. however i reserve the right to be selective. shipping or dynamics may require plotting or interaction beforehand. the likeliness of writing smut is low but not completely impossible. i am open to fade-to black & plots with kissing. i have been in the mood to try writing it again but i am a little rusty.

004.

i will be wholeheartedly staying true to canon wrt the timeless child arc & won't budge on it (insp from both 13s & 15s runs with possible headcanons) it is an arc that i enjoyed from both different runs. that & it's hugely important to 15's arc this season, specifically with his connection to ruby.

005.

on the doctor's sexuality / gender & more on shipping: i don't have a set sexuality for the doctor, i think the doctor is queer for sure, and this version is less asexual compared to some of the other doctors. that said, i don't think the doctor thinks about labels for themselves or considers them much outside of understanding they are important to other people (humans in particular). the doctor's interests wrt romantic and sexual also changes when their face changes. the doctor goes by both they / them & he / him pronouns. i will be very interested in shipping. however, despite this regeneration of the doctor being more flirty, more open, i do think it will still be difficult in a lot of the same ways with the other versions of the doctors. the doctor wants wants wants to fix himself to someone like 13 did with yaz but in a lot of ways he's still very hesitant because of how much it will hurt when he loses them. he's also still grieving river. so as flirty and more open as the doctor is, he may also be frustrating lol.

006.

i prefer at least one paragraph threads, but it's not necessary. the best way to write with me is by sending memes or plotting. i generally do not do starters and will rarely like starter calls. i personally don't use much formatting when it comes to replies, it's made it easier to write and feels better. at the most, i sometimes use icons and sometimes will use small text but that will be extremely rare. feel free to format however you like.

007.

psd: a combination of venuscommissions , phantomsources & calisources. screen caps: ordinariumsresources icon template: ariapsds edits/gifs are made by me.

[sister-lucifer]

ok y’all i need advice

story under the cut, tw for toxic ex, suicide, bullying,, and a long ass story

so a few months ago back in like. july i think i went through a rough breakup with a guy we’ll call M. the reason i was broken up with was, in short, that M wasn’t getting enough attention. I was in a super deep depression after two major losses in the span of a few months and was still grieving, so i wasn’t really talking to anybody, plus he was in another country for most of the summer and i didn’t feel like staying up until 4 am every night to talk, especially when he wasn’t doing the same for me.

it stung, but then i realized i was better off without him because tbh he made me feel really bad. he zapped my self esteem and was constantly expecting more and more from me and not giving me the same enthusiasm and effort he expected. i stopped talking to him all together after that. he asked if i still wanted to be friends, and i said no, and explained to him why. he never replied

fast forward about two and a half months later, i’m a lot happier and have a new group of friends. one of these friends is J. me and J start getting close and decide to go to an event together. to clarify,, there was and is still nothing romantic going on between me and J, but we wound up getting on the dance floor together and shared one (1) kiss. not really a big deal. the issue is that it turns out M and his friends were also there. one of his friends, C (who also vaguely threatened me after i told M i didn’t wanna be friends), saw the kiss and decided it was her duty to report back to M. M has a crying fit, like borderline mental breakdown over this news

then D, one of M’s other friends suddenly pulls J away, and i mean physically pulls on them. this is important because J famously does not like physical contact, and D was aware that suddenly being grabbed could potentially be triggering. i didn’t know what was going on, but then D comes over and pulls me away as well. immediately D starts to interrogate me about what’s going on between me and J. I say nothing because, well…nothing. they don’t believe me, and call J a liar. i insist theres nothing and they finally back off, telling me that M was freaking out.

i walked off and found J who, fairly, was freaking out. if M decides that J is a traitor, J is effectively cut off from all of their friends because that little posse M has built is like a cult.

for a week after the event, no one hears from J. when they finally message me again, it turns out they were hospitalized after trying to take their life. I was initially a bit shocked, but J also has BPD (and a suspected multitude of other issues), and it turns out that M and D had been doing things to purposefully trigger them (like ignoring them instead of communicating and making sure J knew they were being ignored, or like D grabbing J and pulling them suddenly). we’ve both decided to distance ourself from that group because we realized how much they act like high school bullies instead of mature adults. after the event i even tried to talk to D and set a boundary, telling them that i felt disrespected and i was tired of M’s friends always trying to be in my business. D responded by cussing at and insulting me, so it’s pretty clear that it’s unlikely anyone in that group would be willing to admit their mistakes

sorry for the long backstory, but i want to give the full scope of the issue and make sure no one feels like their missing any info

my question is this:

i’m trying to be no contact with M, but i’m debating breaking that rule because he still has up photos and videos of me/us that he posted on his instagram/tiktok. i’m not comfortable having my face online, and i never was, but i didn’t really stop him bc he seemed really happy to post them. he’s also still posting about me and lamenting about how much he misses his boyfriend

i’m trying to figure out if it’s worth possibly stirring up more conflict with M and his psycho friends to a) tell him to delete the posts or at least censor my face and b) possibly try and get him to realize the magnitude of his actions, because i feel it’s the least i deserve since he’s such a toddler i don’t think he realizes what’s going on. i’m especially worried that J will be dragged into it again. i also want to do it IRL bc i think that’s more fair to everyone

TLDR: is it worth possibly stirring up more conflict with a toxic ex to tell him to take down his posts with/about me?

[auraravenora77]

Prologue |

Teersa Prisvielle

Masterlist

Summary: An unspoken deal has been struck between Teersa and a grieving mortal who desperately wished for anyone to save her beloved. Years later, Teersa needs that mortal to repay that debt. A heart for a heart!

Warnings: Heavy themes of death, grief and guilt

Word Count: 3,068

AN: It's my first prologue for the ongoing series of my OC Teersa Prisvielle. I like to sincerely apologize if this is messy or all over the place. I want to know what are your thoughts on it and hope you enjoy reading this while you can!

Prologue

A Decade Ago

A sense of shock filled the land called Ethereal of the Isle. In these forest lands, Teersa was publicly known as the leader of the Dark Fae and peacemaker of the forest. Since she's a Fae Hybrid, most of her kind disheartened by hearing of the surprising announcement. They even took the decision to exile themselves and departed from the clan. As for the others, they loyally stood by the idea and remained to stay. It took her months to gain their trust and loyalty to heart. She felt nothing but being grateful over that.

After a long time of strong disagreement that leads Teersa to step up and involve herself, everything has been resolved between two leaders of the light fae. They were all in an agreement to never fight again. It left her satisfied over the stressful deed she's done. After a meaningful farewell to send off her way outside and home.

With a huge difference stood out upon the outside then and now, she noticed the sky was as heavy as always and the air still smelled vaguely sweet. It has been a long, exhausting day for the Fae Hybrid. A nightful of sleep was the only thing that'll ease her, so she stumbled the quickest path toward home. Tomorrow ought to be another day for duties of leadership and peacemaker. She thought of a nightful sleep that nothing could ruin the night for the dark redhead. It was until sound changed everything to ruin.

A horrified scream breaks the peaceful silence of the forest. It caught everyone's attention, including Teersa who clearly wouldn't mind investigating the situation before heading home for some slumber. As everyone stood out of their homes, they remained still to watch her approach the source of the scream. It sounded clearer and louder with each approaching step. It didn't sound shocking what she stumbled upon in the depth of the forest.

A young woman hysterically crying, holding over the body of a man who's presumably dead. It seemed a strong and supernatural creature punched a hole on the center of his chest, let alone his heart was missing. That creature could possibly take the heart as a meal for themselves. There was one thing that bothered her about this observation. The creature itself can be anything.

In certain mysterious outcomes, mortals usually arrive on this land with one step from their world to another. They bring nothing but problematic issues that can anger any dangerous monstrosity, which occurred at this moment. The whispers in the mortal's mind clearly didn't tell Teersa anything in the slightest. It urged her to come a little closer to the scene and observe every little detail. Slight movement alerted the frightened mortal woman who scooted away.

"Please don't hurt me.." the female mortal desperately pleaded for her life to be spared. Tears visibly threatening to spill over the recent danger that she faced. As Teersa almost laughed over those worthless pleas, she managed to display emotion of solemnity and concern for the sake of the moment.

"I am not going to hurt you, mortal." Teersa assured with a gentle smile dawn upon her face. That assurance brought mostly true to her word, but only for the ears for the mortal. She raised her hand to point toward the deceased mortal. "Tell me what happened here if you don't mind me asking."

"I don't know! It all happened so fast.." The mortal woman responded softly enough for only Teersa to hear. The state of shock and grief took its minor run before she paused for a brief moment to wipe her tears with the back of her hand before giving out a somewhat detailed description.

"We wandered into this part of the forest for a romantic stroll and then stumbled upon this monstrous creature who attacked Eli. I had a glimpse over the horrifyingly gaunt appearance of a skull-like head and glowing eyes before it disappeared.."

That simple description all leads to one creature who could do this mess: a Wendigo. They can be aggressive creatures who hunt and eat lost mortal travelers who stumbled around in their midst. It seemed the creature only wanted the heart of a mortal man who clearly defended his love. That definitely cost the life of the one the mortal woman loved. What a true heartbreaking story to be heard of many. How awfully disgusting!

"What is your name, mortal?" asked a curious but direct Teersa who thought of a good idea to trick the saddened mortal. A trick full of betrayal and manipulation.

"Adelisa.." she answered with a simple introduction. It can be quite rare for a mortal to be named just like that. Even the pronunciation can be nothing but intriguing to the ears. She immediately shook off the idiotic thought and mainly refocused on revival.

"Well, Adelisa! You're in luck to meet me because I have the powers to revive him.." The Fae Hybrid informed the mortal, a small ball of light floated above her open palm. "So may I?"

Without even thinking twice, she gave a simply desperate nod, leading Teersa spring into action on reviving the mortal. It includes a heart and dark Fae magic that can do the easiest trick on the process. This heart to be replaced with the one that has been eaten for now. It will usually bring serious health issues for the human later on, but strong medicine makes it better. Manifesting a beating heart upon her hand and dark magic on the other, she put the organ where it was rightfully placed. The magic took the process to restart every other organ in the body that'll be alive any minute now.

After a few minutes had passed, some sort of miracle occurred when the deep wounds closed off on the center of the male's chest. The heart rate alleviated in a normal beat, which gave out a good sign. The two women waited for somewhat different reasons with a changing update. Slight finger movement brought attention from them. As Eli's eyes flung open, he started breathing on his own. That moment left him in a cloudy daze.

The act of a miracle left the mortal woman shocked over the miracle that landed upon her lap, leaving incredibly content. It gave her the moment to envelope her arms around the male mortal lover who was clearly confused at the moment. Teersa's guesses were exceptionally correct about gaining a mortal's trust after a simple act of kindness. Kindness that later turned out to be false somehow!

"I want to thank you for what you just did for me and Eli!"

"There's no need to thank me," With a wave to refuse a simple thank you, she gave them a simple recommendation for them to agree with, "You should leave this place before some other creature causes you trouble."

What Teersa said was completely accurate with other reasons that left that part mostly quiet. Their presence already bore and irritated her who thought of a notion to get rid of them. With the palm of her hand, she manifested strong magic to open a portal for them to depart the scene. Strong wind blew out of the portal, which revealed to be the mortal word. That sight brought some relief upon the woman's features.

"Promise me you won't ever return here. Nobody likes your kind here.." the Fae Hybrid spoke clearly enough for Adelisa to comprehend the warning that didn't seem threatening.

"I promise we won't.." Adelisa weakly responded while focusing on Eli to haul him to his own feet before making a few steps forward onto the awaiting portal. It was impressive to see that surprising strength. She stops walking to whirl around and says one last thing, "Farewell!"

Then, they stepped through the portal to return to their mortal realm. Their presence faded away from the scene, and a peaceful silence returned to the land once again, which gave a clearing for everyone to reveal themselves out in the open. Relief and contentment returned upon their features, resuming their activities as if nothing ever happened. Seeing them elated was all that mattered to the Hybrid.

Leiya, the devious dark fae, stepped out of the darkness to watch the portal finally closed behind the mortals. The brief sight of mortals caused a disgusted sneer at them before she turned toward the Dark Fae leader and asked, "A heart for a heart, Teersa?"

A glint of mischief lit Teersa's menacing gaze as she turned around to the direction of home. She had enough resolved problems for the rest of the day. Let alone that mortal who needs to pay that debt. Sooner or later, they will return the heartfelt favor as a regretful reminder to never come across here ever again.

A Decade Later

It has been a decade since Teersa met that mortal woman who desperately pleads for a miracle. That miracle came and went but never forgotten. There was a major heartfelt debt to be earned. The true act of kindness is nothing more than deception. That is why she portaled herself upon the realm that humans lived amongst it. Everything seemed mundane and unscenic rather than interesting and entertaining. It doesn't sound surprising at all!

Remaining in the background, she watched in each and every single moment of the mortals' entire life. Their happiness will run itself out short and today has been the perfect moment for the reunion that'll she remember for the rest of her life. She had a few close calls, but leadership duties took that opportunity away from her. Now was finally the perfect time to do it.

When the early morning sun was now high in the northern sky, it meant watching the male mortal move out of the scene to drive away to his occupation. By a quick observation of his livid expression, she assumed the couple quarreled about a specific subject early in the morning. How quite unfortunate for the two mortals. It truly gave her the chance to come in for the kill.

Teersa was on the move with each paced step as the view of the home seemed closer and closer than ever. Children and adults strolling past the row of homes, inattentive to her own presence that were too obscure for them to notice. Well, except for her dear old friend of course. She pushed the doorbell which sounded irritably annoying in close earful range. A large amount of patience remained by her side when silence was a response. She pushed a few more times until a response came.

The door halfway opened to reveal an older Adelisa who's smile fell from her face. Teersa's sudden appearance visibly paled the mortal woman's face. The skin on Adelisa's cheeks and around her baggy eyes began to wrinkle. Even the hair strands grayed themselves out. Age and stress can drastically change a person's face in this mortal realm. What a pity for them!

"Well hello there!" Teersa broke the silence with a cheerful greeting and a bright smile.

"Oh hi.." was the only simplistic response she gave out. A moment of shock passed and replaced it with some elation. "Would you like to come on in?"

She concealed a self satisfied smirk on her face. That's what she clearly wanted her to ask that predictable question. Her answering response was as simple as ever, "Gladly!"

The door was completely opened by the homeowner, allowing for Teersa to enter the belly of the sheep. The foyer and hall reveals picture frames of their marriage and other mundane lifestyle achievements displayed upon the wall. It will be nothing more than a memory when she ascends this world onto the next. From a marriage proposal to natural childbirth. In the picture, the mortal child seemed about a year old. Quite too young for them to grieve over a parent they haven't clearly spoken to yet.

"Do you want some refreshments or something?"

"Thank you but no thank you," Teersa politely refused with a simple head shake. Fae simply dislikes anything from this mortal world, especially any beverage that leaves a bitter and rancid taste in her mouth after one single sip.

Moving along on the foyer to a simplistic room called the Living room, they sit on the opposite side of one another as a comfortable silence lasts for about a minute. The furniture seemed comforting against her back and legs. It would be interesting to purchase one and bring it onto her cave home as a special treat.

"How long has it been since we last saw each other?" asked the curious mortal woman who pondered over it before resuming, "Years, perhaps?"

"A Decade.." Teersa corrected the mortal's mistake of the time difference. Their minds can be so feeble when it comes to memory. It gave herself an internal eye roll before she resumed speaking,"It has been a decade."

"Oh yes! That's right.." she responded with an awkward chuckle. The awkwardness immediately vanished smoothly. She resumed by asking the most important question yet, "So why are you here exactly?"

"Many reasons, obviously! The main reason? Well it is much more complicated than you think.."

"So tell me the main obvious reason then.."

The cheery smile fell from Teersa's face when a poisonous obsidian dust manifested upon her hand. If inhaled, a lethal yet slow death sets onto a mortal's bloodstream and stops the heart without an antidote. As for the fae Hybrid, the poison took no effect on her so she always seemed safe. A simple blow on the face was nothing but a drastic changing moment for the worst of Adelisa who's inhaled the large amount of poison.

The heart rate began to rise, thundering in the mortal's chest in an erratic manner. That can be the most beautiful for the special ears of one. Then, she stood up to lose her footing and fell onto the floor. Every item clashed down to become shattered. She spat onto the floor, a curl of blood staining the ground. Movement of the arms and legs were no longer. Paralyzation ought to be the first step closer to demise. It led to the dark redhead to remain eye level for a better view. The hurtful look of devastated betrayal says it all.

"I trusted you.." she cried out, "I thought you wouldn't hurt me!"

"I lied.." Teersa responded with a deadpan stare. An emotion of triumph creeping into her features. Manipulation and trickery can be so entertaining!

The poison reaches the heart as it slows and stops the heartbeat altogether. Adelisa exhaled one last breath and the last moment of life ebbs away from the weakened body. A single tear escaped and coursed down her cheek. The sight gave Teersa the satisfaction over the deed that has been planned for a decade now. In a matter of time, the mortal husband will return home to stumble upon this awful mess of a scene.

With a simple wave of her hand, she magically made the scene seem like an accident somehow. Even the police will make a quick decision to close the investigation with small pieces of evidence. Standing over the body with a menacing look, she proudly uttered four words, "Heart for a heart.."

The Present

"Why did you leave me?"

A childlike disembodied voice filled throughout the room with a sense of heavy grief and loneliness. As the dream host has to remain somewhere in the darkness, Teersa chooses to search for the lost child. Her hand manifests light Fae magic to view clearly through the empty void on nothing. The mortal's mind whispers away clues of the whereabouts as it becomes louder and clearer.

"Am I not good enough for you?"

Bits and pieces rapidly led her to the main reason that could be troubling the child. There was something deeper than actual sadness. Losing a parental figure can be quite difficult for any age, especially for younger ages. They were quite young to understand why their father or mother either left this world or abandoned them. That sense of darkness ought to temporarily change by the Fae magic flitter through her fingers. Thankfully, she eventually found him through the dark shroud.

A childlike figure stood motionlessly in the distance, busying himself with crafting and a television. Curiosity left her drawn closer to observe more. Drawn from crayon and colored pencils, a small unorganized stack of paper filled with drawings of a family who's exceptionally happy. That image clearly shows what he wanted in real life. Alas, that unfortunately could never happen. With her nearing presence brought his attention, a look of realization dawned upon her face when the mortal child faced her with a timid gaze and wide eyes.

The little child's youthful face strongly resembles his mother in many ways. From the eye color to the nose shape through and through. Her eyes widened in surprise when she noticed it quickly, and her face turned a ghastly shade of white. It definitely felt like seeing through the mirror to the past somehow. More whispers flew through his mind, clear enough for her to listen.

"Did she even love me?"

A feeling of guilt trickles through Teersa as she remembers the fateful day that has been plagued in her mind. It was truly wrong for her to rob him of a perfect life with another parental figure as well as she did with the others. She left all of those horrid actions behind in the past to make herself a better person, but things like this keep coming back to her as if a painful reminder that hit her in the face.

Teersa stepped forward to assist the child's feelings and planned to remove the darkness with the light. The tip of her fingers illuminated to a soft light. It will make him tranquil in this world and the real one. Placing her hand on the top of his head, she spoke a simple word as an instruction.

"Dream.."

The dark surroundings in this dream shifted to a brighter shade of light. Bright colors remained in the area for the young male mortal's imagination. With a sad smile tugging at the corners of her lips, she watched the child filled with happiness to spiritually reunite with his mother. She wished to do something more than that, but there's nothing else to do. At least, this moment alone was the sweetest thought that counts. There were plenty of ideas she wanted to make things right in her own way no matter what the cost. Including her own dark side!

[caatws]

I wanted to say I think you have some of the most detailed and well thought out opinions of vol 3 that I have seen. You do a good job of not ignoring the good while also not pretending the movie was flawless. It's very refreshing.

I'm still working on all of my opinions of the movie and one thing I'm becoming more settled on is that the movie suffered from wanting to have its cake and eat it too. Gamora's death and the ways her past self can't easily fall back on what was got a lot of attention during some scenes. Then in other scenes her death was side stepped to point out that technically she's still here and not all is lost. This was used the most when it came to characters who weren't Peter. I certainly am no expert but I think there were better ways to connect those two points. There is a loss worth grieving and feelings that need to be worked through as a team even as they gradually embrace a new situation. That would have required more time be spent and story dedicated to that plot and easy or not I think that should have been done.

The same issue existed for the non existent exploration of how 5 years after the snap things would be really different. Not sure if you watched The Falcon and The Winter Soldier or Hawkeye but both those shows did a better job than vol 3 at not pretending nothing happened. The new Ant-man movie with all it's mess didn't pretend the snap was easy either. I love the guardians and I love the family theme but the family had been through the most difficult struggle ever and was disrupted in pretty hard hitting ways that there was no way to easily bounce back from. Most of them missed 5 years, Gamora was dead, others experienced the reality of what was essentially a post apocalyptic world. At the end Nebula got her sister back in a way where her sister basically lost some of their most crucial bonding years and she couldn't share with anyone she was keeping up with her. There was so much about all of this that needed exploration. I did appreciate Peter's mental state was terrible and the film didn't joke around about it. But that was the only sign IW or EG had taken place for these characters. It made no sense. In fact the movie played vague about Gamora experiencing Endgame and that was the whole plot around which she returned.

AHHH THANK YOU ANON 🫶🏼😭 i do still love this franchise and all these characters with all my heart, so i want to still give credit where credit is due when i can! (i also am thinking of rewatching vol 3 for the first time this weekend since my initial watch like 2 weeks ago, and i'm eager to better see the forest for the trees and pay less attention to the gamora situation and more attention to everything else in the film, bc there were some things that i did rly like!!!)

re: the ways gamora's death was handled differently scene to scene, i agree!!! i also think a way that these differing reactions between the characters could've been better connected is by having that be a more prominent conflict between the characters from start to finish. like it's already kinda established at the beginning that peter grieving is disrupting the team, but i feel like we could've done more with that throughout the film. and rather than have it be peter vs everyone else, it would've been interesting to see how each character individually may have been at different points in their grief journey. but i understand that a rocket backstory-centric film is not gonna allow much room for That much exploration between the characters

also yeah the way post-endgame content has been handling the snap has been one of my biggest criticisms of phases 4 and 5 so far. i did watch tfatws and hawkeye and you're right that those are the only shows that have rly addressed things (and of course quantumania touched on it a fair amount) - and tbh, hawkeye is the only phase 4 project that i felt like i came away from it with a genuinely better understanding of the snap with it showing yelena's pov of getting snapped and then coming back. we definitely needed something to that emotional extent for gotg at some point, whether it be here or the holiday special - something that rly showed how much the snap disrupted their lives and fucked up both those who were snapped and those who were just stuck living in the apocalypse for 5 years. (i also would've loved to see more of how it affected rocket especially, considering his arc in vol 2)

at this point, now that we have phases 4 and some of 5, to me it almost feels like the snap was done all wrong lol. like what was the point of making it 5 years long if it we weren't gonna get to see the actual full impact of it on the characters, especially the ones who lived through the 5 years? the only characters' experiences we rly got to see in depth were the core 6 avengers in endgame...meanwhile, rocket was left as the SOLE member of his team (bc nebula wasn't even technically a guardian yet in 2018) and nebula lost her sister in a super traumatic way. LIKE ARE ROCKET AND NEBULA OKAY LMAO???

similarly, if the mcu wasn't ready to actually handle the implications and the fallout of the circumstances of gamora's death, it shouldn't have done it lmao. like don't dish what you can't take. don't make huge universe-altering and character-devastating story moves if you're not even going to give them the depth they deserve

[ciegeinc]

Movie Review...The Reading

(1/5) Its been a while since a film got a 1/5 rating on my page but this was well deserving.  Sorry to the writers, producers and everyone else involved but you all missed the mark.  I remember hearing about this film and it was originally supposed to star Octavia Spencer and be released on Netflix if I am not mistaken.  But something changed and this was the ending result.  

I will say I think they had a good foundation the story was their but lackluster performances, an unimaginative script and plot, questionable lighting all amalgamated into a very unimpressive film.  To the creators...you all didn't watch a home invasion movie, Stir of Echoes or Misery? Nothing?  Those films would have been great source material to take notes from.  

My first issue with the film was with the home invasion.  It felt like a “hit” more so than a random home invasion and the fact that they didn’t show the husband dying (movie formula 101, if they don’t show the person dying they ain’t dead), I started drawing an insurance scheme conclusion spawned by the husband but that was dissolved as the plot evolved. Another issue was the scamming ghost hunter/medium team.  How you all gone be out here scamming grieving people out of money with medium readings using a real medium and not expect something to happen.  That is like playing with witchcraft and expecting nothing to happen. 

Now to The Reading...

There were so many things that were done wrong here.  The group not being on the same page, the vague side argument before entering the house, the skeptical sister in law feeding the group information about the family for the cameras (if you are a skeptic why would you feed them information), the footsteps during the reading they never explained or came back too and then the plot twist. SPOILER ALERT.

So in the beginning of the film we are shown this gruesome home invasion were Emma (Monique) is the sole survivor.   But it turns out that there was no home invasion and that Emma killed her entire family.  What we saw in the beginning was a lie that Emma fabricated.  But the question was why?  I don’t feel the film went into her issue at all.  The just labeled her crazy and pure comedy followed. The quick cut chase scene had me on the floor screaming of laughter.  The boyfriend getting shot in the chest and still moving, “The Fuck Them Kids” statement, the 2 girls getting beat up by Emma and more.  

After the plot twist the film spiraled into absurdity and could no longer be saved.  You can skip this one. Emma Leeden details the loss of her family in her new book "Invasion." To generate press, she agrees to a staged reading by Sky Brown in her fortified home. But Sky's spiritual connection is real and evil emerges in a house they can't get out of (Google).

[c-is-for-circinate]

c3e34

I never stay up for the whole ep any more, so I am so tired, but my heart is so full of love and pain and it was very worth it.

Ugh the fact that it was Laudna, who walks so close to death, who is Imogen's first and most beloved, who's dead now. That Orym and Fearne both survived (and I'm so so glad and relieved to have them back! But Laudnaaaaaaaaaa), but Laudna who was still hanging on by a thread at the end of last week who's gone now.

My heart for the misery and desperation and horrible choice of who to rez, but also for the complete lack of recrimination afterwards. It would have been so easy to bite at each other, to turn on each other, but they have been so so firm and stubborn. (And there's this pervasive awareness throughout the entire group that we're treating Imogen like a grieving widow, that Laudna was her person. Laudna belonged to the Hells in the way all the Hells belong to one another, but she was Imogen's person, and everybody there knows it, and every single soul in that group would go down on their knees on broken glass rather than utter a single syllable to suggest this is Imogen's fault. That it's anybody's fault.)

Ashton, so goddamn dead-set on fixing this. Looking for a thing to do. Ashton who spent all of last episode from the edge of stress to the edge of panic, because chaos was unleashing around him and there was nothing he could do. (And we get that backstory story NOW, after all that, the story of a small, soft-bodied child surrounded by primeval chaos and horror that tore through everybody they knew and loved, that's the story we get after last episode. But Ashton's not even thinking about their own issues right now. Just living in them. Just steeping in those issues, determined to find control, to take control, to make things right by force, to not be held helpless to the murder done by an uncaring universe.)

Fearne, Fearne who broke my goddamned heart, because Fearne is always, always, always okay! Even when her parents show up out of nowhere and her whole backstory comes crashing in, she has a smile! It's a smile of murderous frustration, but it's still a sweet little smile and an unpredictable Fearne who nobody knows what she'll do next. Fearne who is not smiling, Fearne who is on her knees, who's shocked, who's sad, who's scared. Who's panicking on her knees, "I don't know what to do, Imogen, I don't know what to do." Fearne loves Orym so, so, so much. She loves this group, collectively, even more. She loves so easily and with such genial gaiety but it goes so, so, so deep and she was so scared and over her head.

I am thinking about Orym's survivor's guilt and I am thinking about Orym wanting to be done but having more work to do and more love to give, and I am thinking about Orym stabbing the point of his sword through a man's foot and saying, "I'm the nonviolent solutions guy". Thinking about a 26 intimidation check and a very tired, very very unhappy halfling, who could definitely be a powderkeg if he wants to be.

(Orym saying, the de Rolos. Keyleth. Orym who is the only person in this group who's gotten the story of the Sun Tree on camera, the only person who could possibly have the context for just what reparations, exactly, Vox Machina might feel they owe this woman. Imogen thought Delilah Briarwood was a minor evil deity. FCG seems to vaguely think she's still ruling Whitestone. But Orym knows, as much as anyone who wasn't there. Orym's seen the Sun Tree. He's heard the stories. His father-in-law was there, the last time Delilah Briarwood died.

In conclusion:

I think I'd love to see Keyleth being the one to rez Laudna. Becaue of poetry, yes, but also because of the spell. Druids don't get Raise Dead. Druids get reincarnate.

I want to see what becomes of Laudna, when her age and species and body's history unfolds itself into a new shape. All those things she thought could never change again, even if she wanted them to. Does Delilah back off, if Laudna's new body is not undead? Does she get worse?

[cookinguptales]

ive been feeling a bit disenchanted with season 4. maybe its cause im dreading the finale based on the vague spoilers i saw, or the treatment of marwa or how the "the gang is separated unexpectedly" twist of s3 was totaly glossed over... i dunno. how are you feeling about it?

No specific spoilers here for 4.09 and 4.10, but just in case people want to avoid even my vague feelings and criticisms, I'm putting my answer behind a cut. Plus, as always, this did get long.

Honestly, I'm feeling a bit disenchanted, too. I'll write some meta about my exact reasoning after the episode airs tonight (and even more after the finale airs), but I just... Now that I know how the rest of the season is going to go, it kind of puts a lot of things I've been putting up with for the rest of the season into sharp relief. I thought certain storylines were going somewhere so I put up with the way they were being written, but now that I know they're not going anywhere with them, I've had to come to terms with the fact that what I thought was maybe hints was actually just lazy writing. That's kind of where I've been at the past couple days. Looking at the lil bits we've been picking through on fandom and realizing that they never really intended to flesh out any of those things or take them in any interesting directions.

I also agree thoroughly with Marwa. It's one of the things that's been a growing concern of mine throughout the season, and now that we have spoilers... idk, again, I'll talk about this a lot more thoroughly tonight? But I hate this storyline now. I also hate what I'm now seeing as an overdependence on hypnosis and Djinn-facilitated personality transplants, too. Like... I can recognize now that it's a season-long issue. Like damn, stop using this to dig yourself out of plot holes. It's lazy writing and the implications get creepy very quickly. I thought they were doing these things on purpose to criticize it later but maybe?? they're not??

I'd say the big two disappointments for me are Marwa and Guillermo... I won't get into details with Marwa, but Guillermo... yeah. I've been saying it since literally the premiere aired, but the whole one-year gap was a killer. I hate that we just don't hear from any of them for a year when they are doing important things. We miss all of Laszlo's bumbling through the beginnings of parenthood. We miss Nandor's journeys, for the most part. We miss Nadja's growing disenchantment with the council. And Guillermo, Guillermo gets the worst of it. He has the most change and the least of it is shown onscreen.

And I kept hoping they'd go back to it. They'd go back to what he must have been feeling and the decisions he must have made. That they'd explain why his focuses and motivations seem different. Why he's stopped being a weird little busybody who's a lil freak about the others' personal lives. Like... I cannot get over his behavior at the wedding. I keep trying to find a way to make it make sense! I don't care if he was no longer in love with Nandor or not! It didn't make sense for the nosiest, most interfering character in the entire cast to be the only one not to object! Mr. We All Need To Grieve Colin Robinson? Mr. I'm Going to Manipulate Everyone? Mr. Gail?

But as far as I can tell, they're really never going to meaningfully engage with any of that. And no, just saying that he got a boyfriend is not enough for me. You don't get a total personality transplant when you start dating someone! If you want me to buy that all these changes happened, you have to show me how they did! I feel so... idk, cheated with Guillermo. And when I'm feeling uncharitable, it makes me feel like they've adapted his personality to be whatever it needs to be to forward the plot elements they decided on. That's just... it's not good writing, and that is not a criticism I am accustomed to making with this show.

I have thoughts about Nandor, too, but it's a lot harder to talk about those without delving into spoilers... But I do think that in some ways his character has regressed as well. I think some of it might be purposeful...? Like a one step forward, two steps back situation? But I'll reserve my judgment on that one a little more until I've actually seen the episode.

It's odd, because I feel like Guillermo and Nandor have actually had some really nice moments in s4... when we're not focusing on the (imo) truly disastrous storylines that are their romances. It's like all preexisting characterization just flies out the window sometimes and that's so frustrating.

As for 4.09 in particular, too... I'm not going to say any spoilers, but it is bewildering to me to see my sense of humor diverge so wildly from a show that's always made me laugh more than any other, especially because the writers of the episode wrote two of the best episodes of the entire series. I haven't seen the episode yet, so maybe it will be way less bad than I'm expecting! I'm holding onto that hope. But I cannot see how they could make the spoilers I know funny and not just. Very upsetting to me, actually. There's a sort of cruelty there that WWDITS has never quite hit in the past, for all that it tortures its characters, and it goes into some tropes that I just find overtly creepy, honestly. I do not think I'm going to enjoy watching this episode at all, which is a feeling I have never experienced from WWDITS before.

As for the cliffhanger in 4.10... I have to say I find it unconvincing. I just don't believe it'll have lasting implications, and moreover, after seeing the way they casually disregarded the emotional arcs they set up in the s3 finale, I no longer feel like we have any guarantee that the events of 4.09 and 4.10 will ever be dealt with in s5, either. I'll talk about this in more detail after it happens, obviously, but like. It does feel like they're going WOW, ARE WE ACTUALLY GOING TO DO THIS? and I'm just sitting here like. no... you're obviously not... So it doesn't feel all that cliffhanger-y, tbh.

It's odd, because the one aspect of this season I was most convinced I would hate (Baby Colin) has been the one thing that I've felt genuinely touched by. I feel like this show has been at its best when it's used Baby Colin to delve into ideas of family and fatherhood and belonging, and it frustrates me a little that the back half of the season put that on the back burner for pretty extended periods only to return to it in the finale. The pacing is off.

I think in general the back end of the season has been... weird. 4.08 notwithstanding, because I think it's kinda it's own thing... I know we've gone around and around and around with episode order and such but I really do feel like some of these late-stage episodes smack of rewrites. I keep thinking about the fact that the Djinn wasn't supposed to be in this many episodes and I really have to wonder how that affected the Marwa and Freddie storylines, which I feel are by far the weakest part of the season.

Like damn, I thought they were gonna fuck me up because of the implications for my OTP, but I can write my way out of 4.10 fairly easily, if we're just talking OTP. I never thought that these storylines were gonna make me lose faith in the writing team. I feel a little adrift, if I'm being honest with you.

I felt myself just instantly shift into fix-it fic mode as soon as I learned about the events of 4.09 and just. It's never where I wanted to be with this show. I've been a diehard WWDITS fan since the movie first came out and it's always been a franchise where I've respected the writing above all else. Not every episode of WWDITS and Wellington Paranormal is an absolute banger, but I've enjoyed all of them and loved most of them. Nothing has made me laugh like WWDITS and I've come to be truly invested in the characters. So to see things to go so spectacularly sideways so quickly has me like... ah...

I'm readjusting, I think. idk. I've been thinking a lot. I've been talking to my cat a lot. lmao. I still have some hopes for certain elements of the last two episodes and I did really, really enjoy certain parts of season 4. It just... didn't ever end up being as cohesive as I'd hoped, nor did it have the same loyalty to characterization that I was expecting. (And it really, really did not seem to have any respect for most of its new characters.) It's frustrating to have bad so thoroughly mixed in with the good and to have to puzzle out which things don't work for you and which things do. It'd be easier if I just hated all of it! But I really didn't.

Either way, anon, you're definitely gonna see a LOT of words from me over the next two weeks. I have a lot of things to talk about and a lot of feelings to express and honestly, I'm really hoping I end up having meta to write about things I like, too. But who knows? I guess we'll see.

[lenievi]

I don’t care if I’m reading too much into it and reaching, but I really do like TFF as a Kirk’s story and having seen the previous films now, let me just ramble some more about James Kirk lol (if you followed me for long enough, you probably saw me saying this before lol)

Shoot him. (Kirk to Spock, wanting him to kill Sybok)

it’s not like there isn’t a precedent where Kirk was like “if it goes wrong we’ll have to kill” (a few times in season 1) and asking Spock to kill (and it’s not like Spock himself, when he was younger, didn’t issue the same order to McCoy), but it never really came to it, but like watching all the films now from 2 to 5, Kirk’s mental health is seriously messed up

all of his tendencies like his infatuation to the ship, his inclination to be obsessive and be in control at all costs, his primary military responses... they are all much stronger in the films. He’s borderline suicidal at the beginning of this film, and he’s most likely depressed, and in a way, I believe he lost faith in himself. TWOK was supposed to be his “rejuvenation” (the film, as a standalone, really does end well, with a hope that everything will be fine for Kirk), he got the push to move on, but it was taken away again in the light of Spock’s resurrection which cost Kirk a LOT - his ship, his son - and Spock isn’t even himself. 

That’s why this film is important for his journey because he realizes what is actually important, he finds his faith again (I wonder if the 6th film will ruin it again lol) - in himself and in others (mainly Spock, in this case, because he kinda lost the faith in Spock imho)

“Other people have families.” - “Other people, Bones. Not us.”

he is lost, he’s grieving, he dedicated his whole life to the service, to rules and regulations, it cost him so much, and it’s chaining him down. he isn’t happy, and he’s lonely

Spock doesn’t listen to him, he has secrets, there’s a distance between them and the inability to connect properly again (which was also seen in TVH), Spock’s not straightforward (as a note, it isn’t Spock’s fault, Spock is fine, it’s Kirk who can’t deal)

KIRK: Until then, you're either with me or you're not. SPOCK: I am here, Captain. KIRK: That's a little vague, Spock.

McCoy is slipping away after Sybok took away his pain

KIRK: Dammit, Bones, you're a doctor. You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away with the wave of a magic wand. They're things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. ...If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don't want my pain taken away. I need my pain.

the pain Kirk is currently hiding is losing his son and destroying the Enterprise, he needs them because they’re fresh and raw, but... in a way, this pain and guilt is making Jim lose himself, his personal control is slipping... but with his own perseverance he can continue moving forward, with the help of his friends he can continue moving forward because that’s how it always has been

SPOCK: Since that time I found myself and my place and I know who I am. 

Spock and McCoy deciding to stay with him in this moment was a win Kirk needed, in this moment Kirk realized that maybe he could still find the familiar connection with Spock that used to exist, or maybe, he could try making a new one, Spock was not different, after all, it was Kirk who expected Spock to move according to Kirk’s wishes and timeline, who expected Spock to behave as if he didn’t literally die and came back 

Seeing McCoy having to “release” his father, seeing Spock loosing his brother... (and Sybok sacrificing himself for all of them), realizing that he truly isn’t alone, that all helped put things into perspective for Kirk

KIRK: I lost a brother once. But I was lucky, I got him back.

and so I should appreciate it and not dwell on insignificant matters as him not calling me Jim lol

McCOY: I thought you said men like us don't have families. KIRK: I was wrong.

I was wrong. You two are my family. I’m sorry I didn’t realize it earlier/forgot.

[thatfrenchacademic]

hey! you seem like you're a really good TA (? idk if that's the right term but you seem to have some prof/teacher tasks?) and i was wondering how you got the confidence to do that? i'm basically on your level of education but i wouldn't think i was smart/capable enough to judge other students' writing and stuff, i feel like one of them more than one of the teachers if you get what i mean. do you have any advice?

Hello !

That is such a thoughtful question - and I am sure all postgrads who suddendly have to start teaching feel the same at the beginning. In my opinion, it is a fairly healthy mindset to have, as long as it does not inhibit your own teaching and remain just some healthy awareness that, hey, you are still learning many things yourself.

I am very touched you think I am a good TA - I hope I manage to be a helpful one at least.d I definitely still often wonder "am I qualified to teach this ? To... grade this ? Who am I to say whether this is good work or not?" But here are a few thingsm coming both from my experience so far and my discussions with other TA, which could maybe be of help to you (each developed under the cut)

1. You know more than your students, and that will be enough to help them.

2. Teaching is a two way street : you are not lecturing to them, you are working with them.

2bis : Give constant verbal feedback to your students !

3. Your own experience of being an Undergrad may not be the best point of reference

4. Talk to other TAs ! You all face the same issues !

5. Try out things, and if they do not work, it's fine.

6. Organize your session alternating moments where you take the lead, and moments where students take the lead.

7. Help, My students are not talking !

8. Grading is tough, but we can make it easier.

I hope they will be of help, but no worries, it takes practice, trial and errors, and time will help you figure it out. Do not hesitate to come back here if you have any question or something you want to discuss ! (And tell me how your teaching went, I would love to hear it!)

1. You know more than your students, and that will be enough to help them.

It means you do not have to be an expert in the topic you teach. You may even just be familiar with it. But by virtue of being a postgrad student, you know how to do the reading effectively, you will get very quickly what is important, what to retain from this or that reading. And you just need to know more than your students. Which you absolutely will.

I think being passionate, showing that you are excited about what you are teaching, giving them this energy, this interest, is much much more important than being a full-blown expert in your area.

2. Teaching is a two way street : you are not lecturing to them, you are working with them.

And that is not me being vaguely pseudo-inspiration ; it is something I have learnt and truly realized when I took a course on teaching. There is much literature on this, but the take-away is that especially as a TA, it is helpful if you see your job as working with students. Engage with them, offer them different options to choose from during the session, explain that you are here to support their learning, and give them some space to have some agency over what happens ! Trust them to at least try their best - many are!- and they will trust you in return, and will be more likely to give you some feedback.

2bis : Give constant verbal feedback to your students !

This does not come easy to me, but students NEED to be told when they said something good ! Because if you do not tell them explicitely, how would they know that, hey, this was a pretty cool comment !

But also, be clear when answer or a point raised is not relevant or wrong, because it also guides their understand of the topic. "Ok, I can see why you would say that, but it's actually abit trickier...". "Ah, yes, it is very interesting that you raise it, it is a common misunderstanding and I am glad you are pointing it out, because it is an interesting discussion to have!"

3. Your own experience of being an Undergrad may not be the best point of reference

When I started teaching, I made the mistake of thinking "ok, what sort of TA/tutorial do I wish I had, in Undergrad?", and went with what I know I would have enjoyed. Except I am a passionate nerdy introvert who hated talking to my peers and doing group works, and wanted a TA who was no-bullshit, clear, professional. Most of your students are probably not, and may indeed enjoy group work, or the opportunity to connect with their peers during your tutorial. Most of your students will appreciate a TA who is more forthcoming, friendly, and may crack a joke or two. And it is a weird role to have, it may clash with your personality (it definitely clashes with mine), but it's ok if it takes time to find the right zone for you ! It is absolutely part of the process !

4. Talk to other TAs ! You all face the same issues !

Pooling experience with other TAs is fantastic. Because no matter what issue you are facing, one of them faced it already. How do you teach in the shitty Room 605 where the computer does not work ? How do they deal with students who do not do the readings ? How to they handle lack of motivation from students ? What sort of group work do they organize ? Who sort of online tools do they rely on ? How do they deal with all the emails they get ? And on that note...

5. Try out things, and if they do not work, it's fine.

Do not be afraid to try things. I tend to stay away from "complex" activities which can confuse students, or rely too much on technology. But group work ? There are so many types of group work ! Why stick to just the "think of this question in group of 3 for 5 minutes", when you could do a syndicate, snowballing, 2-minutes essay, fishbowl, think-pair-share, buzz groups...

And sometimes, it will not work. Just... a bad session. And you feel that it's on you, that you did not manage to do your work, that you are a bad teacher... And refer to Point 2. Then, calmly, talk about it with another TA. Explain what you did, and try to get their opinion on it, reflect on it. But it is never all on you.

6. Organize your session alternating moments where you take the lead, and moments where students take the lead.

Teaching is exhausting, learning is exhausting, genuinely, so balance out moments where you do the heavy work, and moments where they do. I like to have a rough session plan with all the activities I have planned, and indicate for each if it is "ME", "STUDENTS", "ALL". And also ensure that your students are given the opportunity to really take an active role, which is way better for learning !

7. Help, my students are not talking :

This will happen. You will ask a question, no one will answer. Big, awkward, heavy silence. You reformulated the question, but clearly it is not working. Here are a few ways I have reacted to it :

- Show of hands 1 : for a quick diagnosis. "Can you raise your hand if you have done the reading for this question ? Just so I know if this is maybe the problem". Encourage the ones who have done the readings to explain it to the others.

- Show of hands 2 : "Ok, there are two ways to answer this question X and Y. Can you raise you hand if you think Y, and lower it if you think X?". Encourage some who picked Y to explain why, then same with X.

- Show of hands 3 : "Ok, let's lower the pressure. Who thinks they kind of have an answer, but is not sure about how to word it, or properly argument it?". Ask whoever raise their hand to start, and pick up yourself from there.

- Switch to think-pair-share : "Ok, how about we think a bit about this on our own for a few minutes, and then you can compare your own answers with your neigbour"

- Collapse the classroom : "Ok, I can see that this is not working. It's ok, can you tell me if it is because the topic is not super interesting, or the reading ? Are the questions not what you expected?"

- End of the session clear-up : [once everything is over] "Ok, so now that the session is over, can I ask you guys why it was difficult for you to talk today ? Just so I can make sure I can come up with questions that are useful to you, next time. If some of you want to stay a few minutes to talk about what you would like to change for the next tutorials, we can talk about it now ; you don't have to, of course"

8. Grading is tough, but we can make it easier.

Especially if you are grading things like essays, we can often feel uneasy, unsure how to grade them, how legitimate we are to grade them, especially with the sheer impact grades can have on students. Ideally, you want to have a list of things that are PLUS POINTS, and perhaps some that are MINUS POINTS, and have those strictly guide your grading, to be fair to all students and assess them similarly. I also found that it is helpful to grade the paper, only the paper. When there is a really, really bad essay where clearly the student barely tried, it's easy to get frustrated, because you did your best, and clearly the student did not care ? But you never actually know what happened. Real examples of students submitting absolutely terrible work include : a student who was grieving her mother, a student who had been in hospital and did not know she could ask for a delay, an adult student whose child had gotten sick the days before, a foreign student with a poor grasp on English... When you are grading the 78th essay of the week, it is easy to forget that each of them is from an individual, and we get to judge the work they do, but not why they did it. Even in your comments and feedback, always be compassionate.

[whumptimebaby]

Hello 4*Townies, I'm in the mood to talk about the titles of my fics, soooo

(mild spoilers for all of my 4*Town fics 👀)

Now playing: You Know What's UP (It's Us)

I could talk about the planning that went into this fic for AGES, but the title? The way I came to it was pretty simple. It was my first fic in the fandom and rooted directly in canon, so I wanted the title to reference a song from Turning Red!

U Know What's Up felt like the perfect song, because in a way, it's almost a joke? Since it's a pandapocalypse retelling, I imagine the "up" in question as being the 4*Town members while they're still hooked into their harnesses, with the title being like, an interaction almost?

"You know what's up?"

...

"It's us. We're up, like, literally." 🧍‍♂️

The capitalization of UP completely and entirely an accident, but the fic had been up for 12 hours by the time I noticed, so I just decided that it was totally and 100% on purpose 👀

Now playing: If it all ends tomorrow (would you find me?)

Ahhh the plane crash fic :,)

For this one, the only thing I knew that I wanted for the title was for it to come from a Josh Levi song, since the fic is in Aaron Z.'s perspective! I listened to this whole album so much while writing this fic, and this song ended up having pretty much the exact vibe that I wanted.

I actually have the worlds smallest playlist that I consider adjacent to this fic, but it doesn't include the titular song so they're not actually related? But when I'm daydreaming about it, this is my go-to

Last Words of a Shooting Star - Mitski

Astronomy - Conan Gray

Yeah (bonus) - Mac Miller

I adore "Yeah" with my whole heart, that song is my lifeblood right now. I heard it for the first time after this fic came out, but if I'd heard it before, the fic probably would have been named "Am I alive? (am I aware?)" instead.

Now playing: I'd Rather Waltz Than Just Walk Through The Forest

This song is just,,, the exact vibes of the fic. It's floaty, it's fluffy, and super rooted in nature, which is just like? perfect for this tiny little hiking fluff?

That's really all there is to say on this one. If you read the fic, and then listen to the song, I think it speaks for itself.

Now playing: Fly so high (need to come down for oxygen)

OKAY OKAY SO.

(cw for brief mention of animal death)

For those of you who read this fic on tumblr, and not AO3, you may not know that I wrote this fic after having to put down two of my pets, so I was kinda really upset, and I thought it was really, really funny to name it after this absolute BANGER from Rio.

Plus like, the fic is about Taeyoung grieving the loss of his rehab centre's elderly pigeon so, ha ha bird movie title.

Plus plus, I liked that the title was kind of a nod to like "fly high 😔✊🕊"

Now playing: Jesse, what happened to your good sense?

Now for the most recent fic! In all honesty, this one is the one with the least interesting story behind the title. I wanted a song that would vaguely feel like the fic if you listened to it, but turns out it's pretty hard to find songs that feel like unconsciously shoving emotions down, so I compromised with this one.

Plus, it has a nod to parental issues, which Jesse may or may not have in this fic.

So yeah! Those are the songs that my 4*Town fics are named after! I'd love to hear from other fic writer how they choose names for their fics!!