#I like knowing I'm not burdening anyone with my negative energy.

[macknmoanss]

All jokes aside, I haven't felt this low in a long time..

[wriothesleybear]

Can you please write a wrio reader fic where reader is just absolutely exhausted from a long day of work? like right when they walk in the door eyes are heavy, zombie, practically ready to pass out from exhaustion, sore back, just wants to cry to be honest. even more since they hate their job.

Damn, I feel this with my job. And if I had wrio to come home to, I'd die a happy woman. I hope Wrio doesnt seem oc in this. This is just what I think he'd be like as a comforting boyfriend cuz he is the best boyfriend. I also hope this isn't cringy. Ngl, I sorta got a bit teary eyed writing this cuz it made me think about how stressed I get from my own job and college classes and I would love to have Wrio comfort me when I come home ;-;

~warnings: comfort, a bit of angst, mentions of crying, Wrio calls reader 'dear, love', gn!reader.

~

The door of Wriothesley's office creaks open and slams shut. Slow, heavy footsteps tread up the stairs. Turning his head towards the stairs, he sees you. He notices the exhausted look on your face, too tired to even bother greeting him. He can tell from that that you had a bad day. You trudge over to the couch in his office, drop your items on the floor and fall on the cushions below, face first. He stifles a chuckle from watching your adorable actions.

He quietly scoots his chair back and walks over to the couch to check up on you. Taking a seat on the table in front of the couch, he places a hand on the back of your head, stroking your hair to comfort you. "Bad day?" You don't even have the energy to answer. All you can do is slightly nod your head. He continues to stroke your hair, knowing that's one of your favorite ways to feel better. "Want to talk about it?"

You take a second to respond, debating whether or not you really want to talk about it. It'll just be the same old rant about how you hate your job, how customers suck, how your back hurts, and all those negative things in your life. You feel guilty for always complaining your boyfriend's ear off, thinking he probably gets tired of it. Not wanting to burden him anymore, you shake your head no. "You sure? I'm always happy to listen to your worries and problems." He says as his hand moves down to rub your back in comfort.

His kind nature makes your heart skip a beat, so grateful to have someone like him in your life. Although, it makes you happy, you just want to cry. The stress from work and your worries of being a bad s/o to your wonderful boyfriend is what causes you to just break down and cry. You quietly cry but he can feel your body slighty shake. "What's wrong my love?" You don't reply. All you do is shake your head and cry.

"Come here." He gently grabs a hold of you, urging you to get up and sit on his lap so he can hold you. He effortlessly picks you up and has you straddle his lap. He holds your head to his chest, rubbing your back as he tries to shush you. "Shh, it's okay. Let it out if you need to." His shirt gets soaked from your tears, but he doesn't care. He just wants you to feel better and if letting you cry into his shirt helps you, then he'd let you ruin all of his shirts.

After a while, you begin to calm down, the sound of your sniffles and cries decreasing. "Did that help?" You nod your head while still keeping your face in his chest. "Sorry Wrio." He cups your face and moves it away from his chest so he can see your face. "You have nothing to apologize for. I'm always here for you." He says as he looks deeply into your eyes, thumb stroking your cheek. You give him a small smile which he returns with his own gentle smile.

"So. Is there anyone I need to 'talk' to?" You recognize his implication and chuckle a bit. "No, just a stressful day. Just being here with you as you hold me is good enough for me." You lean your forehead against his and give him a eskimo kiss. "I'm glad. Now, how about I make you some tea?"

"In a bit. I just want you to keep holding me and stay like this for a while longer. Please."

"Of course my love." He gives you a short, sweet kiss on your lips. You nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck, getting comfortable on his lap. His arms wrap around you, holding you tight and leaves a kiss on your head. "Um Wrio." He hums in response, acknowledging you. "Can you..stroke my hair again, please?" You ask shyly, blush covering your cheeks. He chuckles. "Of course my dear."

Keeping one arm wrapped tightly around your waist, he brings the other one up to your hair, stroking and combing his fingers through the soft strands. "Thank you Wrio." You say into his neck, leaving a little kiss on his skin. "I love you."

"Anything for you. I love you too. Rest now. I'll make you tea when you wake up." You smile, grateful to have a wonderful, loving boyfriend. Your eyes close as you get sleepy from his comforting touches. You soon fall asleep.

[ateez-ana]

i can do it with a broken heart

i'm always sad when something about that interview pops up in my… wooyoung is perfect and deserves all the love in the world

..........

The air in the dorm room was thick with unspoken tension. Wooyoung, the usually boisterous member of ATEEZ, sat hunched over his phone, his gaze fixed on the screen, but his mind a million miles away. Ana watched him from across the room, a silent observer to his distress.

'It’s just... it’s just that they said I looked like a pig,' Wooyoung finally mumbled, his voice barely a whisper.

Ana’s heart sank. She knew this interview had gotten to him. Wooyoung, with his infectious laughter and boundless energy, was so confident, but beneath that facade lay a deep insecurity about his appearance.

'What are you talking about?' Ana asked softly, trying to hide her own anxieties. 'You look amazing.'

Wooyoung shook his head, his eyes downcast. 'No, Ana, they actually said it. In the interview. It was live, and it was on camera. I know they meant it as a joke, but it hurt.'

His words echoed a familiar melody in Ana’s own heart 'You know, Wooyoung,' she said, her voice soft but firm, 'I’ve been there too. People constantly compare me to the other idols, make comments about my looks, my talent, even my presence in the group.'

He looked up, surprised. 'What do you mean?'

'I'm the only girl in the group,' she said, her voice softening. 'There's a lot of pressure to be perfect, to be good enough. I get so many comments about my appearance, about my talent, about everything. It's exhausting  I get it. I've been called everything from 'fake' to 'talentless' since our debut. People said I wouldn't last a month, that I was just a pretty face. But I'm still here, fighting for my dream.'

She continued, her voice barely a whisper, 'Right after we debuted, I seriously considered leaving. I felt so lost, so alone even if I had you guys” Her gaze softened, meeting Wooyoung's directly. 'The first fan meeting was the scariest, you know? Two girls came up to us, completely ignoring me to talk to the boys. I felt so invisible, so unimportant. It made me question everything.'

'But then I realized,' she said, her voice gaining a strength that surprised even her, 'I was the only girl, the only one who could be a role model for other girls who dreamed of being on stage. And I wouldn't let the negativity dim my light. I wouldn't let it steal my joy.'

Wooyoung was silent, absorbing her words. He realized that he wasn't alone in his struggles. Ana, the girl who always seemed so confident and strong, was carrying her own burdens.

He reached out and took her hand, his grip firm but gentle. 'You're not alone, Ana. I'm here, and we'll face this together. We're a team, remember? We're Ateez.'

Ana smiled, a flicker of hope lighting up her eyes. 'Yeah, we're Ateez. And we'll fight this together, as a team.'

'It's okay to be insecure, Wooyoung,' Ana said, her voice gentle. 'We all have those doubts. But the important thing is to talk about them, to support each other. You’re not a pig, you're amazing. And I know you see the best in me too.'

Wooyoung nodded, a single tear tracing a path down his cheek. In that shared moment of honesty, the weight on their shoulders seemed to lighten. The room, once heavy with unspoken pain, now vibrated with a newfound sense of understanding. They were two idols, facing the world together, each other's anchors in the storm.

'You're perfect just the way you are, Wooyoung,' Ana said, her voice soft but firm. 'Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.'

Wooyoung looked up, his eyes still damp from the tears he'd tried to hide. He'd been so hurt by the interview, the word 'pig' echoing in his mind like a cruel taunt.

'But... what if I'm not?' he mumbled, his voice barely a whisper.

Ana reached out, her hand resting gently on his arm. 'You are. You're strong, funny, and incredibly talented. You light up every room you walk into. You're the best damn dancer I know.'

And as the first rays of dawn painted the sky, the two roommates sat side by side, their shared vulnerability a silent promise of strength and support. They knew, in that moment, that they were not just bandmates, they were friends, allies, and each other's solace. Their insecurities, once seemingly insurmountable, now felt smaller, lighter, a part of their shared journey. They had found healing, not in denial, but in acceptance, in the warmth of shared vulnerability, in the simple act of being seen and understood.

The weight of her words lifted something heavy in Wooyoung's chest. He looked at Ana, her face illuminated by the soft glow of the day , and he knew, deep in his heart, she was right. He didn't need to change for anyone. He was perfectly, beautifully himself.

[my-misericordia]

I love how Maya is a contrast to Kohei. While he seemed to isolate himself out of not wanting to be a burden to people, she's doing it out of resentment. She is done with the able bodied world.

I will say this right now and I don't care what anyone says I. Love. Maya.

I love her disillusionment with the world and her resulting anger towards able bodied people. Is it right? no. and you know what I don't care. ooh a deaf girl is mad at the able bodied world how terrible for everyone!

It's not surprising that people are reacting negatively towards her either. God forbid a person from a minority group show their discomfort with the world in an angry manner. Kohei is fine because people can pity him. He is patient with able bodied people and he bends to their needs. Maya is not a good minority because she is nothing like that.

Here's the thing I'm also not saying that that is how Maya should be for the rest of her life either. It is tiring to be mad all the time lol It is also isolating. Here's the thing too: She is young!! I had an angry phase as well. Where I was mad at the world etc and I could be mean too. I also had to learn to let things go and fight battles where needed. How to recognize people who meant well and when to use my energy and when not to. I think it's pretty clear that Taichi will be the one to help her with this too. That is just who his character is. I also look forward to seeing this for her…to see her soften and become a little less angry, not for other people sake but for her own.

[only-the-moon-will-tell]

"Maybe Someday"

C/W: suicidal thoughts, just bad thoughts thinking you aren't good enough and stuff like that. Angst :)

A/N: The green text is the boys [it doesn't matter which one you pick :)] speaking, Orange text is you or the reader speaking.

Laying down in bed staring at the ceiling while music is playing softly in the background trying to lull yourself to sleep. Your body is so so tired, but your mind? so full of energy and terrible thoughts. No matter how many times you try to redirect your thoughts towards the positive it just gets overshadowed by the negative.

Are you good enough? If you were then you wouldn't be crying in a dark room

Are you even trying to do it right? Can you do anything right? Apparently not

Suicidal thoughts are coming to the front of your mind. Would anyone miss you? You don't make a difference to anyone's life why would they miss you?

The bedroom door opens allowing some light to come flooding into the room even if only for a few brief moments before closing again. Your boyfriend walks in rubbing his eyes "Sorry it took me so long I thought the game would have ended a while ago" He slowly walks up towards the bed as you scramble to wipe your tears and calm down.

Upon hearing your sniffles he stops rubbing his eyes and rushes to your side softly cupping your face "Hey what happened? what's wrong?" concern evident in his voice. He leans over and turns on the lamp on the nightstand. All he sees is the bloodshot, puffy eyes of his sweet angel. You try to blink away the tears that are threatening to fall from your lash line.

"I-i've been h-having a rough night"

"I'm sorry I didn't come to bed sooner why didn't you tell me you were feeling like this?"

"I d-didn't want to bother you I-i thought I could deal with this by myself like I always do"

He shakes his head and sighs "Come here" He opens his arms and you immediately crash into him causing you both to fall down into the bed.

He rubs your back and says "I know you think you need to do this alone...To suffer in silence but I want you to know you can come to me when you feel like this you are not a burden to me or anyone. Sometimes we just need a little reminder of that. It's ok to not be ok."

He continues to rub your back while you bury your head into his neck and cry a little more eventually calming down.

"Hey Hun? You think I'll be ok?"

"I think so my love...Maybe Someday"

[with-love-from-hell]

Ashes

Written for Gn!mc

Genre: hurt/comfort

Pairing: Lucifer x Mc

Cw: depression implication, self-loathing

A/n: I wrote this at 4am when I couldn't sleep and was in my feelings.

"Darling, what seems to be troubling you?" Lucifer sighs, easing himself down on the bed by your feet. He caresses your calf, running his thumb along the muscle. The movement was intentional enough that you could feel it through the weight of your duvet, but gentle enough that it felt like a mere tickle.

"I'm fine." The lie slipped through your teeth easily. Anyone else would have left you too your swarm of negative thoughts and emotions, passing off the dismissive lie as you just being fatigued or in need of some alone time...but Lucifer knew you better than anyone else. What's more, he's someone you found difficult to lie to.

Lucifer sighed, squeezing your calf through the blanket. "Come now, Mc. You needn't hide things from me."

You bite your lip, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to spill past your eyelids. What could you even say? You couldn't exactly pinpoint the thing that had put you in a dour mood. The whole day seemed to weigh on you like an anvil, each mild inconvenience or small stress seeming to cause the weight to grow heavier and heavier until you could no longer carry it. Lucifer was a logical man- a man of reason. If you were to tell him that you didn't know what had you so down, you could just imagine the annoyed response he'd give. Sure, he loved you. You knew that. But he only had so much time, energy, and patience to give. If you didn't have anything to offer as a reason for your suffering, then you weren't worthy of the effort it took to console you.

"...Mc." Lucifer repeated your name, but the normal stern tone his voice would take when his brothers didn't respond to their name being called wasn't there. It was soft, laced only with concern and a desire to sooth.

"I...I dont know..." You glance to him uneasily as the tears slipped past your eyes. You close them, not wanting to look him in the eyes as you began to cry, feeling shameful for not having the words to explain your emotions, and for burdening the busy demon with your problems.

In an instant, Lucifer gathered you in his arms. He situated you in his lap so that he could cradle you close to his chest, letting your tears freely stain his freshly pressed suit. His thumb circled the center of your back, tracing the bumpy parts of your spine that stoof out slightly from the rest of your skin.

Your breaths caught in your throat as you tried to stop yourself from sobbing, but it only made the tears fall harder. You cursed yourself, not liking that you looked so pitiful in front of the Avatar of Pride. He surely must think you're a fool.

Squeezing your eyes shut tighter, you clung to him, scolding yourself for being such a mess. Your thoughts were mean- some down right abusive- as you chastised your inability to save face, and questioning your worth to the man who always sacrificed so much for you- and for what? So you can have a breakdown in his arms; blubbering incoherently because you can't place why you're just so fucking sad.

"I'm...I'm sorry..." your voice cracks as you mutter out the words into his chest. "I'm sorry..."

"It's alright, there's no reason to apologize." He cooed, barely resting his chin atop your head. "We needn't discuss what's causing your heartache right this instant. Take all the time you need."

He contunued rubbing circles into your back, rocking you ever-so gently side-to-side. Its during times like this that he wonders how you would feel if you could read his thoughts. Clearly, your lowly opion of yourself was projected onto him, while he saw you as his entire world. If you were hurting, then he was too. If he could, he would bring all three realms to their knees in order to protect you, and he wanted so desperately for you to believe that. He knew that after going so much of your life feeling nothing but animosity toward yourself would result in this knowledge taking a significant amount of time to seep in...but the desperation he felt in needing you to see what he saw when he looked at you was immense. Just once, he wished he could show you how much you meant to him- and to his family, as well. And he internally cursed the individual or individuals who made you believe you were worthless.

He took a shallow breath, humming contently as he gripped you tighter. For now, he needed to push that aside. What mattered now was that you needed him, no matter the reason. And when you needed him, he was there.

Always.

[0a5-the-glue]

Scars To Your Beautiful

Pairings: Lee Minho x Han Jisung x 9nth member! Amab! Reader

Genre: Angst, friends to lovers

Synopsis: You are the one that every members praised for being strong, for your unshakable optimism. You were the one that usually helped the other's out. You were the one that they considered as the shoulder they could always cry on. But how do they react when their strong and brave members becomes the shell of the man he usually was? When he's the one that needs a shoulder to cry on?

Warnings: !!SA!! (Talk about it, mention the use of a blindfold but don't go into the details.) !!MDI!!

Words: 2.2K

A/n: English isn't my first language, so there's risks of mistakes for the use of a word or how to write it. I'm not a professional author, I'm just writing as a hobby in my free time. And yes, if I keep on posting, there are high chances that I continue abording heavy topics like this one. I use the subject about S.A, I don't think I used it badly, but I apologize in advance if I was in any way offensive about it.

___________________________________

Chapter 1- Secret's out.

As an Idol, you had to be happy the second there was a camera was pointed toward you. It's part of the job.

At first, you didn't worry about, you are a person that likes smiling and laugh around. The Stays called you, along with Felix and Jisung, 'The Sunshine Triplets'.

But these days, you lost all that sparkly energy your fans and friends always loved. You have been quieter that you've ever been, of course the boys noticed, but they thought it was just the pressure of the job that was getting to you.

That wasn't it at all. A couple weeks ago, you were sexually assaulted. And you didn't tell anyone, deciding that you'd keep it for yourself. To avoid being a burden for the group.

But that decision led to your negative thoughts taking over any rationnal ones.

Looking happy became straining. You masked your pain and doubts, became the perfect Idol everyone thought and expected you to be.

The nine of you were sitting in a living room, on live with any Stays that were available to attend, but you kept on spacing out.

You thought no one would notice, but Minho saw right through you. "Come on," he says in his usual annoyed tone, taking your hand in his, dragging you along with him.

You hum and follow him, still lost in your thoughts.

He stops when he's in a place where no one could see you or hear you two talk. He lets go of your hand before turning around to face you. "What's going on? You've been spacing out since the beginning of the live." He crosses his arms, staring at you in the eyes, seeking for an answer.

"Huh?" You ask, finally concentrating on what's in front of you. "What was that Min'? Sorry, I was thinking." You let out a small laugh.

Minho doesn't wait and grab your hands, squeezing them gently. "Look," he breathes in and gives you a small smile. "You keep on spacing out since the beginning of the live, you're not that bad usually. Tell me what's wrong. Please?"

You tense and force a smile on your lips. "Just a little insomnia Min'! Nothing that I haven't dealt with before!" You laugh it off.

Minho looks at you with a annoyed expression and sighs. "Stop making excuses, please. There's more happening and we both know that. Don't lie to me, you know I won't judge you, no matter what it is."

The calm, but direct words coming out of Minho's mouth makes you freeze. You turn around, trying to walk back to the boys, ignoring Minho's question. The boy understands soon enough what you're trying to do and grabs your wrist, stopping you from walking away. He makes you turn around so that you face him. "Don't avoid my questions. I just want to help you." He sighs. "How am I supposed to help you if you won't tell me what's wrong?"

"I'm not answering anything that I don't wish to answer. Let me go." You say in a sharper tone then expected, trying to move your arm away from his hold.

"Answer me and I will." He shrugs, tightening his hold slightly. "Stop avoiding and answer, it'll be easier for both of us this way."

When you feel the hold tighten around your wrist, you let out a small cry of pain, you try to get away from his hold, avoiding harsh moves, careful to not hurt yourself more. You hear a small intake of breath coming from Minho before he loosens his hold.

"Why won't you tell me what's going on? Spit it out." He groans. "You know that I don't like when you act like that, I'm here to help Y/nnie." He says with a harsh tone, but his thumb betrays his real feelings as he rubs it against your wrist as if you were made out of glass.

Even though the touch was gentle, the pain was still there. You hiss, placing your free hand on his, pushing it away. Tears are filling your eyes, blurring your vision.

The instant Minho sees the tears in your eyes, his hard and stern expression falls. You can easily see the guilt taking over his features. "Shit." He curses under his breath, "I'm sorry, I didn't know I was holding that hard, sorry." He lets go of your wrist, choosing to grab your hand instead in a delicate hold. He brings your arm up, trying to look for any signs of injuries left because of him.

You try pulling down your sleeve when he places his attention to your wrist, trying to hide the marks that are hidden not that higher on your arm. Of course, the man notices and squeezes your hand tighter. "Let me see." He says in a concerned tone. He places his hands ever so gently on your forearm to lift the sleeve up.

You, on the other hand, started to hyperventilate in panic of him actually seeing what was hidden. You wouldn't accept looking weak in front of your group, your members that always said you were the strong one. "N-no! Minho don't-" Your voice get stuck in your throat, you close your eyes tightly, trying to keep the tears at bay.

Minho's eyebrow furrowed. But the second he saw your panicked state, his eyes widened. You can see that the realized that this was a subject way more serious than he originally thought. "Hey, slow your breathing down, Y/nnie." He murmurs. "Follow mine," he instructs. "Inhale," he takes a deep breath in. "Hold it two seconds for me, and exhale." He puffs the air out.

You look at him panicked, hissing at the pain that you’re feeling now in your entire arm. You silently follow his breathing as you try to pull away and wince when you feel the pain it’s causing. You stay still and look at your arm, not daring to look at the boy standing in front of you. The tears are finally rolling down your cheeks, but your breathing has returned to normal.

The dancer sighs, pushing your sleeve higher. You stop moving your arm around, but you’re more tense than you’ve ever been around him.

Minho could now see the entire length of your arm, covered in bite marks, scratches and there was an imprint that was now purple, shaped like a hand, close to the place he was previously holding. You look at the floor, not ready to face his expression and stay still.

You flinch when you feel his fingers tracing over your wounds and take in a sharp breath. Finally drifting your gaze to him. You could see nothing but pure pain and horror in Minho’s facial expression. You try to say something, but no sound wanted to come out.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” He utters under his breath. 

The silence takes over you two, you could hear the boys still talking in the background, trying to keep the entertainment for the Stays, even though two of their members went missing from the video.

“Minho,” you break the silence with a small and vulnerable voice. “Stop it now.” You take in a sharp breath. “I’ve had enough, please.” 

The boy just let out a broken pained sound, not letting go of your hand. You could see that he was feeling guilty, and that’s what you didn’t want. Everything but that. You were about to say something, but Minho looks at you, the sight breaks your already sore heart. He sees your tears, he lets go of your arm and apologizes.

You back up until your back hits the wall and let out a small breath. You knew that thousands of questions were running freely in his head. But he kept silent. You take that opportunity to slide down the wall, sitting down on the floor, trying to calm yourself down for the upcoming conversation you won’t be able to escape. You find yourself hugging your bent legs, chin on your knees.

“Who..?” Minho asks, looking everywhere but you. 

“I knew only one of them,” You nod, scolding yourself internally for already saying that it wasn’t only one that caused your bruises. “And you know only one of them too.” Your voice was broken, but you didn’t let that stop you. He was right, he needed to know what happened. All of the boys did. 

You look at his reaction and smile sadly when you see him tense. “I’m sorry,” you whisper. Your eyes drift to the boys again and keep your gaze on them as you prepare yourself to let out the words you never thought you’d say one day. You swallow down the lump lodge in your throat before pronouncing the words in a fake careless tone. “I was raped, three weeks ago.”

You can’t see Minho, not ready to face him, but hear his breath quickening. Then there’s some ruffling sounds, before there’s a weight on your left shoulder, Minho’s hair tickles your cheek and neck, his hand hovers one of yours, delicately grabbing it and bringing it to his mouth. His lips tremble as he presses a kiss to the heel of your hand before placing it against his chest.

A small, sad smile forms itself on your lips when you feel his mouth against your palm. That was a thing he always did when he wanted to comfort you, when he was at a loss of words. A silent way of saying that he cared about you and that he’ll stay by your side whenever you needed him.

The slow beating of his heart is bringing you peace and you rest your head on top of his. You shift your weight slightly so that you can lay against him. You move your hand that he was holding so that your fingers could interwine with his.

“You know,” You whisper and clear your throat to keep your voice steady. “I was preparing dinner for you boys when it happened.” You turn your head to look at him. “I asked, y-you know, Eric to help me out.” You stutter slightly but continue, “at first, nothing was weird. I mean, it’s just a friend helping a friend, right?”

Minho squeezes your hand, letting you know that he was there and to take your time. His gaze focused on the side of your face.

“Then you boys called me to say that you’d come home later due to JYP wanting you to train longer. I made the mistake of telling Eric about it.” You swallow thickly. “It’s like he had already planned everything," You bark out a forced laugh, "he just grabbed my waist, pulling me into the living room and opened the door to let two of his friends in.” You murmur. “One of them blindfolded me, and then…” You stay silent, not able to say the next words.

“Y/nnie, I-”

“Please don’t apologize.” You cut him off. “Can we talk about the rest later…?” You ask in a calm tone, your eyelids getting heavy. You lean against the boy a little more until you could place your head against his chest. “Feel so sleepy, haven’t slept in days.” you admit, “feel safe here.” You mutter before slowly drifting to slumber.

_____________

Minho’s P.O.V

He brings his free hand to your head, playing with your hair in a soft touch, humming a song. He looks at the rest of his group, sitting on a couch and talking to the fans, smiling softly.

The boys bid their goodbyes to Stays, waiting for the live to end before rushing to both of you with concerned gazes. Minho raises the hand that is on your head, places his index finger against his lips.

With difficulty, he unties his other hand from your tight grip, watching you intensely to see if you showed any signs of waking up. He takes his phone and texts the boys to make sure their voices won’t wake you.

Min I won’t speak for Y/nnie.  Min But he isn’t feeling well at all. He’ll tell you about it when he’s ready. So don’t shower him with questions when he wakes up.

The boys all look at their phone and frown at Minho’s messages. Chan was about to say something, but the second oldest just shakes his phone, point in it with his free hand.

Channie Alright, I believe your judgment Min. Sungie Okay, do you want me to pick him up to get him to the car, hyung?

Minho smiles softly at the younger boy's offer and nods slowly. Jisung bends down to your level and picks you up slowly, cradling your head to his shoulder. 

Minho gets up and looks at the boys that were staring at your shape with confusion and concern all over their faces. Seungmin looks at him with tears in his eyes, Minho smiles sadly and opens his arms. Seungmin doesn't hesitate to hug him tightly. The boy knew deep down that Seungmin was as observant as he was himself. So if he had a doubt of what really happened to you, Seungmin just got his proof that he was right on the option he dearly hoped was wrong.

“Come  on puppy, we got to go now,” Minho says, his voice wavering. He wanted to stay strong for the younger ones, trying to pass on the message that everything was going to be fine. But how was he supposed to make the other believe it, when he wasn’t even sure himself?

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Thanks for reading!

[nabaath-areng]

I don't know how to handle breaking down like this, I was free for a while from the bouts of complete and utter inability to move and react to my environment for between an hour to several hours at a time while my heart and pulse go absolutely haywire, I have barely any energy to keep up a conversation without feeling like I have to disconnect from my body entirely, I feel like all I do these days is despairing over the fact that I don't know what's wrong, that I'm not strong enough to fight for any sort of help and worrying that by the time someone cares enough to look it will be too late for me.

I know full well that I've had the means to recognize when something's wrong completely beaten out of me and it terrifies me to think that I won't be able to distinguish between daily shit vs actual danger. I don't recognize myself, I don't know how to feel normal, my physical breakdown is stealing everything I love from me and I'm starting to lose hope.

My throat hurts so fucking bad because the tears want to explode but they can't cause I've lost almost all ability to show both pain and negative emotion like crying. I'm trying to stay normal, to force myself to do the things I love, but I get so exhausted and I feel like a burden on everyone I know for being a mere shell of my former self. Even when I was broken down from psychosis people told me that I made them laugh. I used to be on the phone with my mom for up to 3 hours every time. Now I can't even read her messages without feeling horrible dread about being unable to mentally conjure up a response.

I'm starting to resent my home even though I love it because it's starting to turn into my prison. At least before I could leave the house and go out. Now I have to debate whether or not it's safe for me to shower half of the time. I fall from the stars more and more often nowadays. I keep passing out and injuring myself, both small dips and full out collapses. My hearing and vision both black out more often than before. My foot is deforming itself, and so is my knee it seems. My thumbs are broken beyond repair. Brain gets so foggy I can't do anything but stare into nothing.

I struggle with speech more and more, language is getting harder, and I struggle more and more in games including FFXIV because I lose all ability to move my hands and grasp what they should do or where they should be or move. I am struggling to keep my composure when upset more than usual or I get so apathetic that the thoughts I get scare me with how uncharacteristically negative they are. One day activity requires several days to recover from.

I keep trying to not talk about it cause I don't wanna burden anyone or make everything about myself to be this, but god it's turning out that way anyway and it's not like I'm even good at pretending that this isn't killing me on a fundamentally soul deep level.

I want to be okay so fucking bad and I want to be happy and I wanna draw and write and play games and talk to and hang out with friends and loved ones and take walks and grocery shop and cook and bake and so much more. I don't know how to not feel useless now that I'm losing the extremely few things I actually had potential with.

Maybe my worth as a person does not lie in my productivity but I guess I'm a bad disabled person then for finding it hard to be happy about losing everything I fought to stay alive for. I don't even know what I'm saying at this point I'm so tired and sad and

I don't know what to do about it and I don't know how to make things better even though I'm desperate to figure something out that doesn't require me to humiliate myself before healthcare providers that scold and berate me for being a stupid autistic hypochondriac tranny addicted to google and benefits. More and more it seems like the most likely outcome is a downwards spiral of this until there's nothing left and every part of me is beyond repair and salvation. A slow and painful demise outside my control. I don't know how to process the possibility that I might not get to live as long as I maybe should.

[cursedfortune]

violentemperor the fact that she is touch starved is really the strangest thing about her.

I'm going to actually address this as more of a headcanon post for a few reasons. It's an old but very active still headcanon, and still valid to this day. I don't expect anyone to remember every detail about my muse, fuck knows I forget a lot myself xD But also since I have new moots/followers, I thought it may be helpful. I'm quoting friendo above for the sake of having a clear basis to answer, btw, not out of negativity.

You know how you behave with strangers vs people close to you differs, yeah? Maybe for some people not a lot, maybe for others it is. It's like that. It's still you, just a different flavor of you depending on who it is.

Witches in my lore communicate less verbally and more through touch and energy. They can share a look and it will contain a conversation, because they share energy with one another that carries with it the impression of how they are feeling/what they are thinking to whatever extent they wish to share.

Mortem's natural tongue is touch and speaking without words. She had to adapt to the other races and learn the value of speaking with her tongue since they value it so. Yes, in her canon, fae and elves - as well as specific mage-types can communicate with her in her natural "tongue" but very early on in her canon she is sentenced to exile for being convicted of treason.

By default with people, since I keep all interactions separate unless plotted otherwise, Mortem interacting with anyone will have her in that solitude of exile. Does she go out into cities and other places? Yes. Why? Because her work as a witch requires her to. She was exiled from a neighboring country she called home. Her homeland hasn't exiled her, but she is shunned from being involved in their affairs. You can't really stop a witch unless you put them down, and Mortem is temporarily immortal and can't be. So her homeland tolerates her so long as she just stays away from the politics and keeps to her forest mostly. Which she does. She only leaves her forest when she has to for her work as a witch (aka fulfilling her purpose that is directly related to mortals).

So when it comes to touch and all that, Mortem is deprived of her natural form of communication. She is essentially mute because no one speaks to her and she is shunned, outside of those who don't realize they are speaking to traitor usually. Other witches exist, but because Mortem has witch hunters solely dedicated to killing her she doesn't usually venture near her own people because she doesn't want to risk troubling them with her burdens either.

To circle back to the initial point:

You know how you behave with strangers vs people close to you differs, yeah? Maybe for some people not a lot, maybe for others it is. It's like that. It's still you, just a different flavor of you depending on who it is.

When it comes to her engagement with mortals - yes. Sometimes she has a fling. She doesn't get close to others emotionally, however. In the RPC, it's a little different because it's not strictly me being 100% in her canon. She has three ships at this time that are all long term and mostly slow build ones. She doesn't get close to people because people don't live much more than what feels like a blink of the eye to her. By close I mean, she will value someone and enjoy them but she won't let them know her and make herself vulnerable, by the way. Her relationships, when they randomly pop up (or at the start of rp interactions) will always be friendly and one-sided because Mortem will fully enjoy someone and accept them sharing themselves with her - but she is very... sleight of hand when it comes to how much she shares in return.

How she engages with people casually and by default is very honest, but she omits a large portion of herself because 1) witches just be like that and 2) because of her longevity and isolation.

Being touched by someone who cares about you is different from being touched by someone who is casually friendly with you. And for a witch, those differences are loud and clear. She is a war veteran that was promptly exiled and isolated, she has been hunted by witch hunters the majority of her life and all her tolerance for torture and pain comes from them. Her life is mainly made up of physical hurt and emotional distance. Which is why I've said when her smiles falls, it's her true expression showing. Because Mortem is relatively neutral down to the emotional base. She doesn't lie about how she feels, she'll tell you she's pissed off or upset with a smile on her face because she doesn't feel close to someone. But when she relies on someone, like one of her ships for instance, she'll let that smile that wards off others fall and touch/want to be touched in the ways that she needs it. The way her people communicate to some degree. Those are the individuals that get to see how things really make her feel without the vaguely threatening smile she usually always wears.

Touch may never be what it was once back when she was younger and among her people, but it can be close when she has bonded with someone closely.

You can say she has a pretty face and sex appeal and therefore wants for nothing, that she has a personality that can easily make friends. And you'd be right. Because that's the point. She made herself that way because it was necessary, and what she didn't is just natural to her/her kind. But just because she has it doesn't mean it's utilized and it certainly doesn't mean she lets others touch her often or gets close to others to have their touch matter (<The big point here). Physical touch is important to Mortem and her people. Her isolation has made it so that she is both hesitant to engage in it (because mortal customs differ) and wanting it very much (because it's natural to her kind). She is touch-starved but she keeps it to herself unless someone she feels like she can be vulnerable with comes along. Aka, like the three ships I currently have with her.

Mortem is old, war torn and has been isolation for a very long time by default when it comes to any of her interactions. That's how I write her. In every ship she has, I don't hesitate to write about it either. This blog has documented it well. I'm not expecting everyone to keep up with that, that would be insane. I just hope this helps clarify her usual persona vs when she allows herself to be vulnerable for anyone new or anyone wanting a reminder or something. ^^

If you made it this far I can only give you raw onions and finger guns. But at least the onions are peeled.

[adamworu]

I'm going to give you my hot take, so of course please feel free to not post this if anything makes you uncomfortable.

I obviously don't know you, but I've followed you just long enough to think I've gathered a few basic things about you. You are an anxious type, and you're a more proactive A-type personality. You care A LOT. You quickly pick up on the tiniest feedback because you're oriented towards others.

I'm the exact opposite: I express passive, stagnant, and depressive reactivity as opposed to hyperactive anxiety. I struggle to defeat inertia because of extremely similar thoughts to the ones you're expressing. So take it from someone who struggles to force themselves to move and act, who sees you and is impressed:

You are trying!!! I am honest to god not exaggerating when I tell you that trying in any shape or form literally takes guts.  You're using your limited energy and finite resources towards an endeavor outside of your space of safety in order to try! in order to create movement in any shape or way! Trying will always be the high-risk alternative to doing nothing, and it will either result in feeling high-loss or high-return. You are good for it no matter which outcome results because forcing yourself to even try in the first place is never easy.

Trying is still better than being stagnant!

Losing and failing is still better than taking my approach and not doing anything!

I understand your fears about going through negative experiences and being afraid of anything new because of course it puts you in that same frame of mind again as your gross boss did and reinforces negative thoughts about yourself.  But how will you get to good things if not by giving them a solid fighting chance? "You literally don't know wtf is going to happen" does not apply only to bad things. It applies to things working out better than you thought they could as well.

ALSO. You will literally never get things right on the first try. Most things are learned repetitively and it takes time to do so and you're not a burden for that. And on other people's end, no one has the right to make you feel like burden, make you feel like you're dumb, offend you, especially when you're trying in good faith. Which I know you usually do.

Just like anyone else you're entitled to mistakes and taking up space. And I do mean that.

This is just how I figure, but you might feel differently. so as with any advice you might take from someone, take from it what benefits or helps you and toss the rest out. 🌻

Thank you very much - it means a lot in these trying times :)

[caidsjacks]

I am so tired of everything right now

So incredibly burnt out and exhausted

Im worried and scared 24/7

I constantly feel like a burden to my people because i have no energy or motivation to even exist, call, or even text back. Or hell, go visit anyone.

I have a "boyfriend" who says he fucking loves me but is constantly negative, or either mildly supportive and helpful or not at all

Roommates who hate him because they're jealous that he gets to be my boyfriend and they dont get to have that kind of relationship with me so they take it out on me randomly

A father who would rather live states away ans never speal to his chukdren again

A mother who pawns everything off on me regardless of what i do or say, who despote her best intentions makes me feel like im not good enough or not trying hard enough

Brothers who dont ever reach out and talk to me if i don't reach out first

Cousins who dont even treat me like family when I'm around, who ignore me or treat me different because i /am/ different and not like them or have the same interests like themn or have a family of my own

A gaping whole in my heart where my daughter should be

A permanant slew of black spots in my memory from years of trauma that is now affecting my working every day memory

Doctors who dont ever call back so now i have no medicatio. Till probably next month

I am so fucking tired

I don't want to fucking do this shit anymore.

How do you take a mental health break from life when there isnt a fucking pause button or no actual way to make anything better that doesnt fully exhaust me even more.

How do you continue to keep going when every bone in your body is SCREAMING at you to just please stop, we need a fucking break from everything.

We need a god damn break from worrying about everything all of the time.

How do i pay for the things that need foxed on my car?

Hiw do i pay for the things that need fixed in my home?

How do i take care of myself when just getting out of bed for work every day is a STRUGGLE

How do i keep my friendships going when i hardly have the energy to hang out with anyone, call them, or even text them back?

How do i go see people when driving gives me the worst migraines and overstimulates me more often then it used too?

How do i get someone who will love me despite my fucking mess?

How do i continue to work evryday for the rest of my life in this hellscape when every day it feels more and more pointless to try and get ahead in any way shape or form?

I know this is just a bad day and i will be fine

But i am so tired

[tsukikoayanosuke]

A sudden realization why I don't like canon/oc romance is because it's not my wish-fulfillment fantasy.

This is not a hate on canon/oc stories. I write canon/oc. My friends write canon/oc. Like don't get me wrong, I like romance, but I am very picky. When it comes to canon/oc, I like the cute, slow burn, and others tropes that I can't dissect yet. But even then, I am still selective. I mean, just look at the romance progression in TW:OPT.

But with canon/canon, I can handle mostly any trope and au and Sonic the Hedgehog-speed build up, and I think I finally get it why.

I mean, like many others, I write for wish-fulfillment. But my wish fulfillment is not being crushed on boys from left and right. My wish fulfillment is really just living in a world where people accept me and I can express any of my words freely without burdens. Basically, I want to be isekaid without the harem.

This is on me really. When I read canon/oc, I have to be really hard to separate myself with the oc (actually this happens to any first person pov, whether its oc or canon characters). Because, sometimes, the ocs or mcs (sometimes y/n or 'reader') are the projection of the writer and I'm supposed to relate to them. When canon and oc started developing feelings early on without preamble or just a small mention "Oh the oc is cute", that's somehow become a turn off for me. I have trouble accepting myself and can be pretty apathetic, so even in fiction when canon being a bit to flirty toward the oc/mc, I'll almost be like "Don't you have anyone else you can flirt with?" I'm not playing hard to get, I just... I don't think I deserve adoration.

But then you're probably wondering "isn't that what wish fulfillment is about?" Yeah, for many. But really, my wish fulfillment is being accepted into a world where nobody put an expectation in my and just me doing whatever I want without restraint. My wish fulfillment fantasy is really just being able to cry and be mad without thinking everyone else might think I am a petty child. Or me being able to shower the friends in the world without being afraid of rejection despite not expecting a return.

There is also a fact that I might be aromantic, but I'm still questioning my sexuality really. But really I need to learn how to love and accept myself first.

"But didn't you write romance? OPT has romance right?" Yes. I write romance, even smut. That's part of the wish fulfillment as well. But the thing is I can separate Jonah from me. Jonah Argentum is not me. Yukiko Sekaihashi is. And because Jonah is not me, which means I know I can do whatever I want to him, I can give him a romantic subplot. But, you've seen OPT. None of the pairing is settle. Because that's also my wish fulfillment fantasy: to be able to build a relationship in my own snail pace and not lose anything.

I don't write much about Yukiko, but because she is me, I more often use her as a venting punching back. That's why she's nothing special. She's rude, whiny, pathetic, unlikable, because I am projecting all of my negative energy onto her. That's why she's the only oc I ever created to have a sexuality section.

I've been thinking about this for a long time actually, but only reach the conclusion now. So, this is more of an explanation post? I just need to get this out of my chest. Sorry if this sound whiny.

[anemia-rp]

I have a habit of thinking negatively for myself, but it's much easier for me to be positive for others and see the bright side for them. Especially if they are having a hard time seeing the brighter side of things. I kind of think of that the opposite way. I believe when you do bad things then bad things will come back to you. But then again, I guess that you can't really have one without the other. Can you? It's all about balance, right?

That's true, you don't want to be a burden to someone. You either don't want to ruin their mood if they are having a good day, or you don't want to make their day worse if they are having a bad time already. At least that is how it is for me.

Energy vampires are the worse, especially when you are a sensitive or anxious person and it just makes you feel exhausted with everything. That's exactly it. It's not like we have to be in love or anything, but I want to know that I am special to the other person and that they want me for me and not just for my body. It's the intimacy of it that is most enjoyable for people like us I think.

That's great! It's amazing that you feel that way about yourself! It can take a while to figure out who you really are. That's how I felt when I was making pop music, I didn't feel like myself. That's probably why I have gone through so many different styles and music genres, like being in a punk band and then a metal band and now my current music. I even had a phase of gyaru style, even though it was more goshikku and Roku gyaru.

There's nothing wrong with trying to find an explanation for what you can't explain. I guess I just have some harsh feelings towards fate, maybe one day I will be able to trust in fate again.

You've got high compassion then probably. I can only see positive things for others if there's something objectively positive. I'm not someone to cheer others up when I don't think there's a bright side for them among things. But I'd offer them a cigarette or a drink probably. I'm not really sure about that. The worst kind of people are often those who are like bad weed and nothing can break them, they get really old and never seriously sick. It's not for all of them, but I've experienced enough of such cases. Sometimes it seems as if you experience the most bad when you're good at heart and don't wanna harm anyone. But balance is important anyway. For your own soul.

That's not it for me. For me it's mostly about vulnerability and my pride. I wanna maintain my cool image, at least keeping it to a certain amount. Since it feels safer behind some walls.

If you're really understanding and compassionate or appear somehow confident you attract people quickly who wanna feed from you. I've experienced enough stuff with the intimacy missing and wondered why I don't really have fun. Okay, I can have fun then, but it's shallow.

And now you're fully satisfied with what and who you are, when it comes to music and style?

What made you lose your trust in fate then?

[loveissilentlyworthit]

I did bought you a Yukari P3R costume earlier when P3R is almost out, then why did you want to bring it up that you bought the Dancing Rise costume on your own? Stop giving me this "girls are complicated" or "I'm sorry I'm like this to you" or "Even if I ask something, you must be feeling burdened of your money or that I'm always this troublesome for you to ask you to buy this for me" Have you fucking not forgotten that my love for your isn't just all about gifts? All I want us is just lovely conversation for both of us on the things we love. You just threw all of this shit away every fucking time I advised you like this. You never take my words seriously when I tell you this many fucking times. And now you wanna pull up the "domestic abuse" card huh? I saw your whatsapp statuses that you may lowkey talk shit behind my back. I can tell you're insecure of something.

I don't believe your words that "saya ni bukan orang baik", bullshit. Kau tau nak tolak aku dari aku sayang kau. Aku marah kau, kau diam tak nak cakap dengan aku ngan alasan kau takut dengan aku. Kau mesti takut aku marah kau, kalau aku marah kau, kau ingat aku benci kau and always let your negativity cloud your mind. Kau biarkan negative energy jadi your comfort side, this is not who you are. Stop being like this. Ye, aku tau aku sepatutnya dapat kerja baru dari tahun lepas lagi. 2 bulan gaji tak masuk, boss tak kisah pasal personal life aku, or even aku dengan awek aku, dia just nampak aku as a lackey which I should've know about this long ago. I'm sorry I failed you, I really do. But I respect that you'll never give up on me as I try my best to fulfill this promise to you that I would never leave you for someone else, nor I would never ever try to text anyone else of an opposite gender of mine other than you.

Masa 2 months ago I brought you in with my friends to stay long for the event stay until Tuesday but suddenly change to Monday without feeling any sorry or whatever about it cause they think I'm wealthy enough for this, but I'm thankful I saved your ass by booking to another cheap hotel that we can stay together for one night, and I helped you and travelled with you to the airport by public train transport instead of spending too much on grab car transport. We had a good time sleeping together, despite we had dumb fights here and there like siblings gaduh sesama. You should've remembered all of that.

I wish you need to calm down from gifts or shopee/lazada/taobao scrolling and just talk to me like a normal person, we can do roleplay together if we like, my love, I really love you and I talk like this because I deeply care for you.

Masa birthday aku nak belikan kau something, lepas tu kau macam nak tak nak je confirm apa je aku nak belikan. Aku cakap elok elok ni, you're really overthinking things.

[autisticlee]

I know I complain about this too much but it gets mire frustrating the more years that pass by with nothing changing despite how hard I try.

i'm so tired of being the only one that reaches out to people and asks them to do things (and always get ignored or rejected) why can't people ask me to do things or reach oht first?! it's hard to not feel like everyone dislikes you when you wait years and years for at least one person to reach out and no one does. its hard to not feel like no one likes you when you spend years reaching out to people who ignore and reject you and never get back to you. it feels nice when someone remembers you or genuinely wants you around. but no one goes out of their way to make me feel that. i'm the only one that does and it feels like they don't care. how do you not feel shitty from that???? how do you accept being stuck alone in your dark room with no support and no one to reach out to or share things with? how do you accept going years with no genuine human connection or social interaction? why is that too much to ask for? yet I'm also told it'd apparently "necessary" to have?

i'm usually told to do things alone. told i'll naturally make friends that way. buy i've been doing things alone for half my life ever since i've. een old enough do stuff alone!!!!!! it never gets any better. it's overwhelming to need to do everything alone while disabled. it's exhausting and takes away any chance to relax or enjoy the moment. no one talks to me, unless they target me to beg for money or something which stresses me out so bad. I don't have the energy to keep trying to initiate. i've tried and never made friends from it. I literally do not know how. there's no instruction manual! it's boring to only talk to myself about things I see/experience. that's why i'm trying to share life with others. share the burden and it gets divided, share the joy and it gets doubled, as they say. right?? you'd think, sighs. I dont get it. why is it always my fault according to others when I can't control what others think and do?

I can only give the benefit of the doubt and make up excuses for them for so long before it starts affecting me too negatively to ignore. can people really be "too busy" for 15 years straight when they are posting pictures of all the cool and fun stuff they do with their friends?! you can't say they're just busy and it's not that they don't want me around.

and it's not like I have many options. i'm not in school. there's no local groups/clubs for anyone my age unless it's a "girls only" group and they won't accept a nonbinary person, or a thing I have no interest in at all (and no i'm not going to "just try it" I refuse to go to bible studies and realestste meetups) most groups are for middle age/50+ or children. I doubt they'd accept me into their age specific groups. even if I find a group I could join, they always meet weekday night when I work and wont change for a single person. I'm trying so hard and googling every day and nothing is working. it's exhausting to keep trying and I keep burning out. I keep getting "advice" and no actual friends. I genuinely don't know what to do and no one has been actually helpful.

[luzelia]

That's my Blog

Hello everybody! I thought it would be fun to create my own blog. Without any pressure or coercion, as a balance to my strangely chaotic life, to process my thoughts.

About me

For me, writing isn't something new. I am a hobby author and enjoy working on my short stories and novellas. Currently, I am dedicating myself to my first novel project. However, school doesn't give me much freedom, and I always find it challenging to manage my time.

My problem with the pressure to succeed

I don't know about you, but when I talk about school and education, I know exactly two personality types of mine. You have to know that I am really ambitious. In some phases, I literally struggle through life because I have used up all my energy reserves. At other times, I study to the point of exhaustion, and then I don't even need breaks. What robs me of the most energy is the fact that I suddenly become addicted to the small moments of success. And it may sound stupid, but this constant ups and downs, and this high that feels like a low because the happy moment of success is over so quickly that I could hardly notice it, is so tiring and discouraging. Guess like I'm addicted to success, and I just don't want to believe that I am the only one.

Addressing the problem

Everyone talks about the laziness of the youth or how negatively burdened Generation Z is. We talk about exam fears and failure in school. We talk about how outdated our school system is. We talk and talk and talk about so many things that stress us teenagers in these times. And I have to realize again and again that humanity strives for success, and success is always seen as a good thing. But what if it is precisely this forced striving for success and all the small moments of success that gradually drive you into exhaustion and major failures? No one talks about this. Is it really just me, or is this topic still being hushed up in society because everyone feels alone with this problem? I'm sure we can all relate to this addiction to success, even if some are less prone to it than others.

Your opinion?

But how do you see that? Is it talked about a lot in your circles, or is it not discussed at all like in my environment?

What's next for my blog?

Let's see if anyone actually reads this. First and foremost, it's all about having fun and being able to write from my heart. The plan is for me to post a post every Thursday and Sunday at 6:00 p.m.

Thanks for reading,

Your Luzelia