#I like a story that roughhouses their characters more not just physically but like let them make mental/moral/character mistakes

[jjinpang]

tbh the reason I dun wanna interact with new ff7 content is there is a weird fanwork-y feeling to it.

like it's created by squareni, but it feels less like storytelling and more like it's trying to feed me an opinion about the characters, without really working in depth with them???? like they are trying to convince me of their headcanon rather than make a canon????

it's kinda hard to explain. but one feeling I cannot shake is the story really truly sincerely loves cloud. everyone in ff7 loves cloud. the story itself is trying to convince me how much everyone has always loved cloud. I'd read fanwork about how actually the world revolves around someone's blorbo, but with original works I just get the ick. moreover the parts of ff7 I actually liked was how it turned out it never actually had to be cloud. but it happened to be cloud.

so anyway I'm complaining that there is too much cloud at the cloud store.

[deidremercer]

A Formal Review of Epithet Erased - Prison of Plastic

I've been a fan of Epithet Erased since before it was Epithet Erased. Anime Campaign was a huge factor into me becoming the person I am today, so this book is a big deal to me. I am overjoyed to announce that Prison of Plastic delivers on all fronts! Blaber's particular style of writing lends itself excellently to this new catalyst for this story. Prison of Plastic, especially in it's audio form, brings new life to the characters I fell in love with all those years ago when I first watched Anime Campaign. I am especially pleased with this new version of Rick Shades, who manages to be just as extra as Rick was in his first Anime Campaign appearance, while also containing hints of the softness and emotional maturity seen in the man he would become by the end of the tabletop game. Ray Chase absolutely KILLS it as Rick in the audio version, he is exactly what I had hoped Rick would be in this rebooted universe. While Rick is all well and good, Tiana Camacho's performance as Lorelei really steals the show! Camacho brilliantly captures the essence of Lorelei right from the prologue, if you still aren't sold on the audio version, let me be the one to tell you, she is the reason to get the audiobook, her dynamic with Dani Chambers as Molly is phenomenal. While on the topic of Lorelei, I would like to mention how fantastic of a job Blaber did translating her Anime Campaign counterpart into this new universe. Milly Blyndeff, Lorelei's previous incarnation, was the worst. She was the worst and she had pretty much zero redeeming qualities, there's a reason chat popped off when Molly punched her in the throat back in Anime Campaign, and Lorelei could've just been Milly again, but she isn't. Blaber took this character that was universally hated and managed to reshape her into a sympathetic human being with real emotions that you see and you can't help but feel for. Lorelei isn't just some bratty older sister here, she has some real depth, and I love that for her. Siv Ryan and Bryn April as Trixie Roughhouse and Pheonica Fleecity respectively are also excellent adds to the growing cast of Epithet Erased, and Kyle Igneczi returning as Giovanni Potage is just as much of a treat as he was in the webseries. Now let's talk about Naven. Author Brendan Blaber decided to cast himself in the role of Naven Nuknuk, as an Anime Campaign viewer I know that this is because Naven is his favorite character he's ever made, but am I about to condemn him for it? Absolutely not, I don't think there is anyone but Brendan Blaber who is physically capable of doing Naven Nuknuk justice, genius casting, 10/10 he nails it. Not only does he do Naven his due diligence, Blaber also remarkably manages to shine as the narrator. Brendan "Jello 'only ever uses two fonts' Apocalypse" Blaber is a man who I have routinely read the work of in his own voice, his writing voice is very strong, but I don't think I would've fully grasped exactly how he would read a lot of these lines. The narrator in this book manages to be a character in their own right in just the best way possible. The rest of the voice work is also excellent, just marginally less notable, let it be known that there is not a single performance in this audiobook that I disliked. Epithet Erased, the webseries, was notable for having a lot of very real emotional moments despite its status as primarily a comedy, this theme continues into Prison of Plastic, only dialed up to eleven. The emotional scenes in this book really hit hard, and much like how knowing the source material would make Molly's pyrophobia that much more heart-wrenching, several scenes in this book will no-doubt be looked back on with an additional touch of sadness as more of the story comes to light. The soundtrack by Plasterbrain is every bit as good as it was back in the webseries, maybe even moreso, the new tracks blend right in with the old, they're familiar, but with their own new flair and flavor. If you are a fan of Epithet Erased, or even just a fan of good books, Prison of Plastic is absolutely worth checking out.

[karls-writing-space]

Yo! If it's not too much trouble, can I have Coffee and/or roseship tea from that lil' tea thingie you had reposted a bit ago with C!Tommy and C!Technoblade? They're my favorites and kinda comfort characters so I'd love to see you write for em 👉👈 [-DreamerAnon 👀]

Ayyyy! Hey, DreamerAnon!

Ofc you can have C!Tommy and C!Techno for that tea thing! (We share two comfort characters!)

Coming right up, mate!

— ☆ — ☆ — ☆ — ☆ — ☆ — ☆ — ☆ — ☆ — ☆ — ☆ — ☆ — ☆ — ☆ — ☆—

Tea Asks -

Coffee and Rosehip Tea for C!Tommy and C!Technoblade

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Tommy

Coffee - Do they get jealous easily? How do they show it?

Tommy does tend to get jealous quite easily, to be honest.

He tries not to let it show, though. Big Man over here doesn't want others - especially his S/O - to know that he gets jealous.

Honestly, he masks his jealousy pretty well. Tommy over here is pretty good at acting like he's not jealous in front of others.

He wouldn't really get jealous if you hung out with his friends every now and then. He trusts them, and he trusts you. So, it's kind of a win-win situation.

If you were hanging out with his friends more than him, or if you're hanging out with people he doesn't like, Tommy begins to get jealous.

He tries his best not to let others around him see him get jealous, but sometimes he can't help it.

When he has enough, he walks over to where his partner is and wraps an arm around their shoulders or torso. He would press a few kisses onto their face. He does show his partner random acts of affection in both public and private, so it wouldn't be all that noticeable if he was jealous.

The time his S/O would find out Tommy was jealous was when he tells them, which would be in the privacy of their homes,

Cue his S/O teasing Tommy and him getting all flustered and telling them to shut up [with no ill intent].

Rosehip Tea - How romantic are they? How do they show affection?

I view C!Tommy as a bit of a romantic guy. He definitely has had thoughts of meeting someone, going on dates, and the two showing affection toward one another.

He would be a physically affectionate person. He loves holding his S/O's hand out in public. He can be seen with an arm around his S/O's shoulders when he's sitting with them and their group of friends.

Tommy can be a little clingy when it comes to his lover, and he really hopes that they don't mind that.

Early-Morning cuddles are very much a thing. Tommy will tangle his arms and legs with his S/O's when they cuddle. Sleepy "Good morning, love"s and "I love you"s also occur during this time.

He and his S/O aren't going to be getting out of bed for a while.

That is unless they needed to get up for something.

If he's out somewhere in the morning, he writes little notes telling his S/O where he's at and then tells them that he loves them.

He likes playing/messing around with his significant other. Expect him to playfully roughhouse with his S/O at random times. He will be careful not to hurt them, and if he does, he will apologize.

Tommy tries all sorts of pick-up lines on his S/O. They're either rather cheesy, or really sweet.

"___, do you have a map?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Because I just got lost in your eyes."

He loves to go on little adventures with his S/O. The two of you could be searching around caves and cliffs for a while, and then end the day sitting on a mountain stargazing and enjoying each other's company.

This guy tries to have candlelit dinners with his S/O whenever he can, but it either ends up with him almost burning the food or he forgets about the dinner date he had in mind.

When a dinner date does go as planned and doesn't get messed up, he plays Melohi in the background.

"It's for romance." He says as he leads his S/O to his dining room to eat.

He knows how to make basic meals - like Steak with vegetables at the side. He isn't a master-chef, but hey, at least he knows how to cook.

These dinner dates include him and his S/O joking around, complimenting one another, and of course, telling each other how much they love the other. He has this soft little loving smile on his face.

"I love you to the moon and back, ___. You're the best thing that's happened to me. Y'know that?"

"You... You complete me."

Hearing his S/O say that he loves him back, or compliments him makes Tommy smile grow as he blushes.

He loves having these moments with his S/O. It reminds him that he has someone who will love him unconditionally.

Technoblade

Coffee - Do they get jealous easily? How do they show it?

Like Tommy, it entirely depends on who his S/O hanging around.

If they're hanging out with Philza or Ranboo, he wouldn't feel jealous at all. He's quite happy that they're having fun with his friends. He'd also be quite relieved that they weren't hanging around people he thinks could hurt them, or that are his enemies.

On the other hand, if his lover is hanging around with other people that isn't Ranboo or Philza, he does get quite jealous.

When he's jealous, Techno won't say anything and will be a little annoyed. As time goes on, and they continue to hang around those other people, he will become more clingy and will want them to be around him more.

Technoblade will make up excuses to pull his lover away from those other people, and have them hang out with him for the remainder of the day. (with possible company from Phil and Ranboo.)

Would he admit that he was jealous?

Haha... no.

No, this will go to the grave with him.

Or, at least until his S/O figures out he was jealous and call him out for it. If they do point out he was jealous, he would deny it the first few times before giving in and admitting that he was indeed jealous. Piglin man would be blushing quite a bit as he admits it.

Rosehip Tea - How romantic are they? How do they show affection?

THE BLADEEEE

Techno isn't the most romantic person, to be honest.

He never really got time to settle down or really think about having a S/O.

That was until he met his S/O.

Then he tried to think of more romantic things to do with them that wasn't sparring.

He likes to cuddle his S/O while they read, or when he reads to them. The feeling of them in his arms is comforting to him.

He would read them stories about Greek mythology, or maybe would even read them The Art Of War. Probably would even leave his own comments on certain parts of the books he reads to his S/O - opinions, facts - anything he feels like adding.

Techno isn't very fond of PDA. He doesn't want his enemies to see him act as "weak", or to be an open spot for them to attack him or his S/O. He prefers to show affection in the privacy and safety of his or his lover's homes.

Very careful when cuddling his S/O. He doesn't want to accidentally crush them in his arms. His hugs are rather loose, but he still holds his lover close to his body.

His S/O is probably going to have to try and tell him that it's alright to give them tighter hugs.

Once he gets more comfortable with hugging his S/O, Technoblade will love having his lover in his arms. he thinks that they fit perfectly in them.

That and this guy is touch-starved as hell.

If he and his S/O share a bed, he would hold them while they sleep. He's really warm, and it feels nice to sleep close to him at night. He also holds them at night to convince himself that they're safe in his arms.

Hey, S/O! PLEASE play with his hair. Run your hands through it, ruffle it, style it - anything!

Techno will turn into a pile of mush because of this and will lean into his partner's touch. He loves the feeling of their fingers in his hair. It's very calming to him.

He won't take out the hairstyle they put in his hair until the end of the day. He loves any and all styles his S/O makes and will wear them with pride.

He tells his lover that he loves them as much as he can, and will complement and/or praise them when they do something that impresses him, or what he loves about them.

"Your smile is precious. Please smile some more."

"You brought home that many potatoes? That's... wow. I'm proud of you, ___"

"I love you, ___. I.... I can't believe that you're mine."

He will let his S/O wear his cape and crown! He thinks that they look great in his clothes, in general.

[caffernnn]

Let me just add something my makoto-rin ask.

A similar trend actually appears in fics where if rin seems to be in awe of makoto's mind-bending abilities, sousuke almost always notices makoto's physical prowess and unpleasant??? emotions. This is usually present in old soumako fics, where sousuke is almost always the target of makoto's contempt, disdain, or anger; or is always subjected to makoto's accidental physical attacks, like a punch here, or a kick there, or an elbow. It is also usually sousuke who seems to discover makoto's competitiveness, particularly in video games, or stubbornness, when they bicker whether to adapt a dog or a cat. I think this is what soumako fans see about the appeal of the ship- aside from their similarity as the caring and nurturing friend, they also get to showcase a different personality towards each other from the one they show to their other friends, namely makoto abandoning his levelheaded nature and sousuke his stoic, grumpy nature, since they have no established role yet in each other's life. Also, i like how this is an extension of the idea that no one can resist tachibana makoto when he puts his foot down, that event the yamazaki sousuke relents to his wishes. Also, sousuke seems to compliment makoto's physical strength, such as when he refuted rei's claim that makoto is gentle, and sousuke says that a makoto seems more power-hungry (or smth like that), or when he commended makoto's wrestling, or even when he complimented makoto's marksmanship in the ova, along with his hidden personality in rw. He even expressed shock that makoto could crush napa cabbage with his bare hands (or was that rin? I'm not sure). It's fun to see how makoto and sousuke are presented as a challenge to each other's physical strength, and how in fics they are portrayed to be roughhousing each other without anyone complaining about their ridiculous strength, as described by haru.

Which, as much as i don't want to, opens to another discussion. How strong is makoto??? if he can crush vegetables just by handling them. I mean, he threw an experienced sumo wrestler who seems more heavily built than him down to the floor. So yeah...how much raw strength is tachibana makoto possessing???

Makoto getting hit by a car in Final Stroke: “call an ambulance!! but not for me 😈”

Jokes aside, that’s one of the cool things about seeing Makoto and Sousuke interact, especially in fics. Both of them are used to being the biggest ones in the room, drawing attention to themselves without meaning to, and have subtly found ways to minimize themselves for their own comfort (Makoto tries to soften his edges; Sousuke is often aloof). I don’t usually read romantic soumako content, but one of the things I enjoy about their dynamic (familiar, platonic, otherwise) is that Makoto gets a unique opportunity around Sousuke to lean into his stubbornness, competitive nature, or physical strength with less restraint because he knows Sousuke 1) is strong enough to deal with it, and 2) can understand the complicated relationship Makoto has with those parts of himself. It’s cool to hear that that’s further explored in soumako stories: the mutual understanding that they both are more complex than the gruff expectations forced onto them, being larger men, and that remains true even when they have parts of them that do lean into those expectations. I’m excited to see more of their friendship bloom in the movies now that it sounds like they’re spending more time together, because it’s a unique avenue of mutual understanding we haven’t seen fully explored.

I’d love if we could see more interactions between Makoto, Sousuke, Hiyori, and Nao, for similar reasons. I wouldn’t play into the whole “Makoto and inferior copies of Makoto” generalizations I’ve seen circulate in the past, but they do all share similar motivations and character traits that make their interactions hold more weight and potential for character growth. Like, there’s a reason that Nao can cut straight into Makoto’s repressed internal conflicts at a moment’s notice. They’re all people-watchers who put all of their energy into analyzing and reacting to their environments, so one of the only ways you’ll get them to slow down and lend some time/effort to their own issues is to throw a mirror character in their way that’s just a little too much like them.

Aaanyways, I love strong Makoto and want to see him become more comfortable with that side of himself. He’s jacked and underestimates his physical strength on so many occasions (leading to those conversations about him having clumsy/careless/ridiculous strength), but he deserves to celebrate it more?? He can be a force that demands attention in the water, powerful, but he can also throw around his siblings or carry extra bags or give the biggest all-encompassing hugs -- just as powerful.

[yourclownpal]

A comprehensive list of all my Ghost au's

this post will be talking about all of the ghost au's ive created or co-created including talking about ghost au's from old fandom's that i am no longer in. if you want to ask about any of my au's my ask box and dm's are always open this includes the hermitcraft au but keep it to a minimum please also if any of the creator's of the characters have said that they arent comfortable with what im making ( with proof ofc) i will edit or delete what is needed to fit in the boundaries also another thing this is a long post if you just want the art go under the cut! this post will discuss how each au works and basic plot stuff about them the fandoms in this post are hermitcraft, epithet erased, and dsmp okay first things first-

my hermitcraft au (what a pity)-

On my old tumblr account I made a few posts about it along with a fanfic which never got finished due to me not wanting to interact with the fandom any more due to personal reasons and also I'm not very good at writing imo but I think I'm ready to talk about it again. Just keep in mind i will most likely not talk about this fandom ever again at least not on here again for personal preference : -) it was about season 6 Grian since he was who i was hyperfixating on at the time, being haunted by the ghosts of Sam and Taurtis, both of them from the old roleplay series' Yandere High School, and Tokyo Soul, and taurtis from Grians old-ish smp Evo. Since I never finished the fanfiction nobody but me and close friends ever got to hear the full story i had planned but now you will i guess. It was mainly just grian stressing about Sam and Taurtis being ghosts and him worrying about being crazy, though he would still join the hippies during the area 77 war he would be significantly more stressed especially when finding out that Sam and Taurtis have been possessing his body during the night, he’s more worried about Sam though because of his track record back in the other servers( yhs and ts) it was going to be that Sam (although death isn't permanent) would go on a killing spree in Grians body which would cause the area 77 guys to put him in the facility to see what's going on with him, and it didn't get further then that. My favorite part of this au much like all of my au’s were the design elements i had for it which i'll have under the cut with the other designs. Now for a rundown of how the ghost physics work in this world, in typical ghost fashion Sam and Taurtis were not able to touch or move anything, but they were able to interact with Grian, him being the only person who could see/hear/or touch them. Their only super natural abilities is being able to possess Grian.

Okay! Time for my Epithet Erased au!: Unlike what a pity this one doesn't have a name or a fanfic to go with it as said before i'm not exactly a writer but i have talked about it a bit before on this account along with posting the designs and general concept but i'll go more in depth here! As said in my original post this au was a co-creation with my best friend and sibling @brocolibean so go check bun out ^^ Unlike ‘What a Pity’ it was more lighthearted and comedy centric because it dealt with a bit more and also the original show is a comedy. This au didn't include the character’s epithets so they are all humans. This will also include talking about house each ghost died so if your uncomfortable hearing about that you might want to skip the ghosts portion Just like the original post I'll separate the story summary into 3 parts with intervals in between to talk about the ghosts. First we have the Banzai boys part of the story. Giovanni, Spike, Dark Star, Crusher, Flame Thrower, Car Crash, and Ben all decide to move into a house together so they could all easily split the rent since its close to their collage, the house, which they get for cheap, is aa very old house with sketchy history. But it's a huge house for cheap so they don't complain they encounter the ghosts very early on living in the house and they swear to figure out how they died so they can get their memory back! The ghosts, Molly, Sylvie, Trixie, and Pheonica have no memory! All they know is that there are ghosts! They are connected to the property of this house but if you where to get something- like perhaps a stone from the property the ghost is still technically attached to it therefore the ghost can go with you anywhere Speaking of- -Phoenicia Fleecity is one of the last ghosts to show herself, her body is found in the overgrown garden flowers growing over her skeleton, she is from the victorian era making her the oldest out of the ghosts though he death is the most mysterious -Molly Blindeff is the first ghost the group meets her decomposed body is found buried in the floorboards of the living room, found when gio decided that the house needed renovation and taking matters into his own hands, she died via blunt force trauma i will not be going into detail here because i'm still thinking of doing something with this au she died in the early 2000’s -Sylvester Ashling is the second ghost to show himself though he didn't want to, his body was found in the bottom of the pond in the backyard of the house in the garden. His body while it was decomposing and falling apart was still intact, bloated from drowning. Again i wont go into detail but this wasn't an accident time of death is unknown -Trixie Roughhouse is the third person to show themselves to the Banzai Blasters she is found in the bushes in the backyard her face disfigured from some sort of explosion unlike the others it seems like it was purely an accident, like sylvie their time of death is unknown Mera Salamin is the collages part time librarian nicknamed “the library witch” she started seeing her ghost after obtaining a neck bow with a blue pendant from a pawnshop she got it cause it was pretty and didn't expect a himbo to come along with it -Indus Tarbella is a ghost who is attached to the pendant and bow Mera wear it used to be his own until he was decapitated wearing it through he was properly buried he has no troublesome memories about what happened even after seeing his body he’s just happy to be with Mera Percival King is a security guard at the college and one of the best at that, she wields a story she got from a pawn shop as its her preferred weapon she takes her job very seriously -Ramsey and Zora both died by the same sword while fighting neither remember who wielded the sword, even after death they hate each other and hate being bound together even more Everyone ends up meeting and finding out they all have ghost hijinks ensue. The way ghosts work in this world is a bit strange I'll admit but it's one of my favorites. The ghosts can interact with the human world(menma style) but

they can only talk to the others who can see them (the Banzai Blasters, mera and percy) and the ghosts can interact with each other ghosts in this au attach themselves to an item or property that has someway to do with their death, the kids in the property, Indus it's the bow, and the sword duo is well, the sword Percy carries. As alluded to from before Gio and the rest of the boys end up carrying a bit of the property with them in the form of friendship bracelets four for each of them which makes 28 different bracelets so the kids can decide who to follow around for the day.i talked about how percy and Mera’s items work enough but i would like to mention that Indus does most of the heavy lifting around the library but becaus enoone else can see indus they assume she’s magical, the glowing pendant doesn't help.

The last two au’s i want to talk about are both dream smp au’s

though i've never talked about them online until now, again thanks to @brocolibean for letting me brain vomit my way through these au’s and helping me out with things i love them please check him out I'll be honest i'm so scared of this fandom so i'm afraid to talk about my au’s please be nice to me Also this is all roleplay and fiction!<3 The first one i'll talking about is the dsmp ghost hunters au Sam runs a company where groups of people hunt ghosts for money! Those groups being Phil, Technoblade, Wilbur,Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo Dream, George, Sapnap, Quackity, Karl Bad, ant, Skeppy, and Puffy There’s most likely more but there the only people i can think of at this moment The only canonical ghost being Schlatt This au doesn't have a proper story perse it's more about gags and stuff about the different character fighting over ghosts for money but the story stuff i do have- Sbi family dynamic is real here you can rejoice, Phil adopts Tubbo after his dad (Schlatt) kicks the bucket and fucking dies , Tubbo befriend’s Ranboo some mysterious teen who just desperately needs a job so he- and the rest of the Minecraft family help him get one- though they find out Ranboo isnt as human as he was made out to be and he finds out he’s this worlds version of angels called ender’s and he’s there to protect Tubbo and Tommy which explains why the more violent ghosts start being less violent at the arrival of Ranboo joining their team. Bad isn't human either being a demon his entire group know’s plus quackity. Quackity found out but squirting him with holy water through a water gun but don't worry he promised not to tell anyone; -) Bad and Ranboo know about each other because they see each other as their true forms The minecraft fam found out about Schlatt being a ghost through Tommy- despite Tubbo telling him not to- telling them from calling up and paying for them to investigate their own house saying “technically i didn't tell them” they ended up not getting rid of Schlatt though I'm not going to talk about how the ghosts here work because it's not super important to the plot

The second au is another ghost au where the main characters are ghosts themselves,

like the others its mainly lighthearted and comedic with dark attributes The plot surrounds the sbi family moving into a new house and Tommy finding out it's being haunted by two ghost’s. Those ghosts being Tubbo and Ranboo This au isn't fully figured out but I know that he found out he was haunted by sending a selfie to someone(possibly Drista and Purpled? Since there are only other minors who were part of the dsmp lore? But ultimately idk) and them being like “yo i didn't know you had friends” and him being like “?????” Tubbo died from a boiler exploding and Ranboo died from drowning (which are apparently my two favorite deaths) this also doesn't have an official story? It was just an excuse to make ghost designs with a bit of a story without the commitment As said before it's a sbi au but also a Dadschlatt au cuz I like Dadschlatt au’s. The main story bits i have are background stuff for Tubbo and Ranboo which ill elaborate now The house was originally meant to be just a summer home because it had a large lake in the backyard Ranboo’s family would go there often but that doesn't mean his family liked him very much because of his heterochromia, Vitiligo, and his height his family thought he was strayed from god and drowned him Tubbo died during sleep while Schlatt wasn't home either out drinking or just at work he came home to the house being partially blown up and his son nowhere to be seen he calls Puffy out of fear and she calls the cops. He moves away and most likely starts drinking a bit more. The house gets rebuilt and now the sbi live there hijinks ensue! The ghosts in this au work in a simpler manor only Tommy can see them unless a photo is taken but even then they are blurred, they can float and go through walls and their ability to touch things is limited Ranboo’s memory is worse then Tubbo’s but Tubbo’s isn’t much better.

below the cut will be designs and stuff be safe pal's- there will be minor/cartoony blood-

rip me exposing my old art on this account also i'm ripping these from my fucking amino account that i don't use but still have the password too

gonna do the original what a pity drawins first them ill show a more recent rendition because i hate the old drawings

these are the old drawins i hate them

then,,, i just drew them,,,,, fuck these guys/j

thses are the old sprite edits of these four! trixies design is the only one that really changed

the ded;-; i couldnt fit him on the page

there he is! ft indus and very much alive mera(who i cant figure out how to FUCKING DRAW-)

gay's get wilbur'd/j

they lookin for ghosts

the whole fmaily is here but its quality is shit

these bitches dead! good for them,,, good for them,,,,,,/j/rp

[13-reasons-ideas]

Can’t Go Back Part 18

A/N: This chapter got away from me a bit. It’s over 6 thousand words so tuck in guys. I hope you like it. And as I’ve said before, any time a character gets sick in this, it’s nothing more than a flu or common bug. Given this is a Before chapter, COVID didn't exist, but just given the situation currently. I feel like it is important to say that. Just a note on temperature. According to Google 52 degrees F is roughly 11 degrees C. 45 degrees F is roughly 6 degrees C. For my fellow non-USians. Feedback is appreciated as always and much love. -Em

Winter formal was upon us. It was only one day out now. Jeff was still on me about going, like he had been for weeks. I still had no intention of going. And as luck would have it, I had just run into the perfect excuse not to go. I woke up Friday morning to my stomach cramping and churning. Oh god this is awful. I feel like I got hit by a truck. Before I even had time to wake up wake up, I rolled over and grabbed my trashcan. My body shook as I coughed. Sitting up, I flung my legs over the side of my bed. My mom knocked on the door. “Addison? Are you alright honey?”

“Yeah Mom. I’m okay. Just not feeling very well.” She opened the door and peeked inside.

“Let me check your temperature.”

“Can I brush my teeth first?” Mum looked around the room cautiously.

“Of course. I’ll be downstairs. Come down whenever you’re ready.” I nodded and held my stomach.

I went downstairs once my teeth were cleaned and I had rinsed my mouth several times. Mum and dad were in the kitchen. I groaned. The smell of coffee brewing was making me queasy. “I already called the school. You’re staying home today.” Mum said, coming to fawn over me. I waved her off.

“Okay. I’ll call Justin and tell him he needs to get himself to school.” I grabbed a pack of saltines and a Gatorade to take upstairs.

“Feel better.” Dad called after me. I heard him say to mum that it probably wasn’t really that bad. “She should still go to school.” Mum didn’t answer. I changed into a different pair of pyjamas and crawled into bed. My crackers and juice were set neatly on the nightstand by my bed. I grabbed the book I was reading last night. As a last-minute decision, I grabbed my trash can and pulled it closer to the bed.

I called Justin after I got comfortable. “Hello?”

“Morning Justy.”

“Morning Addy.”

“I’m sick.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. You’ll need to find your own way to school today.”

“I can do that. Are you sure you’re sick? Or are you just trying to get out of going to Formal?”

“I have crackers and Gatorade. I wasn’t even out of bed yet.”

“Oh.” He exclaimed. “Um. Yeah. You stay in bed. And remember to drink water. And dry toast.”

“I will. Can you grab my homework? And tell Jeff Atkins that I’m sorry I won’t get to enjoy the magic of Winter Formal tomorrow.”

“Sure thing. Feel better.”

“Mhmm. Love you.”

“Love you too.” I rolled over in bed and tried to get a little more sleep. It was a useless venture. I spent half an hour tossing and turning. I couldn’t get comfortable. It was too hot with the blankets on. It was too cold with them off. One leg out didn’t feel much better. My head was starting to hurt. My stomach was doing flips and cramping. Frustrated, I threw the covers off and went to the bathroom. The bottle of Tylenol was shoved in the back of the medicine cabinet. I took two of the foil packets and went back to bed.

Briefly, my mind went there. I had a flash of another kind of foil packet. And a flash of a calendar. My eyes widened slightly before I counted. Then I remembered that we hadn’t not used a condom, ever. I had an IUD. We were protected either way for…. I couldn’t think the word. We also hadn’t had sex in a month. And I had gotten my period between then and now. I sighed in relief. That thought did make me realize I hadn’t texted Monty yet. I took my phone again and saw that he had texted me about fifteen minutes ago.  

Morning Addison. I swiped left and his message opened.

Morning Montgomery.

You’re up late this morning.

I’ve actually been up.

Oh? Everything okay?

Yes and no.

??

I’m kind of sick. But it’s nothing to worry about.

You sure?

Yeah. I’m alright. Just need to eat my crackers, drink my juice, and sleep. On the plus side, I can get out of going to the dance without lying to Jeff Atkins.

I can come by tonight if you want.

I’ll think about it.

Okay. A few minutes later he sent me another text. Why do you call him Jeff Atkins and not just Jeff?

I dunno. He calls me Addison Hawthorne. No one else does it. It’s kind of just a thing we do.

Can I call you by your full name?

No.

Not even occasionally?

No.

Why?

Is your name Jeff Atkins?

No?

Then there is your answer.

Fine, fine. Feel better, okay?

I’ll try.

I’ll text you later baby.

Mmkay. The Tylenol I took was starting to kick in and my eyelids were getting heavy. Before I could drop it, I put my phone on the nightstand. I woke up again around noon. My stomach was feeling a little better, so I sat up and ate a few crackers slowly. The medicine had worn off by now. I grabbed my phone and scrolled through my missed notifications for a bit. Nothing too interesting had happened. I sighed heavily and tossed my phone to the side of my bed.

My book was more interesting than I expected it to be, and soon enough I was almost done. The tri-tone buzz of my phone distracted me. I rested the book in my lap and grumbled to myself. “Who’s texting me now?” It was Jeff Atkins.

Hey Addison Hawthore. Justin tells me you’re sick. I hope you aren’t trying to just avoid the dance.

Jeff Atkins. I would NEVER. I am definitely sick. Doesn’t seem like anything major though. Probably be at school Monday. I trust you will give me a very thorough report on all things Clay Jensen and Hannah Baker?

Glad to hear. Leah says feel better by the way. I’ll find you.

Tell her thank you. Now. I don’t want to be rude, but I’m almost done my book.

See you Monday Addison. I didn’t answer him. I texted Monty instead.

Don’t worry about coming over tonight. I should be fine by Sunday. I’ll see you Monday.

Sounds good.

The rest of the day I lounged in bed. My mum came in to check on me when she got home. Saturday was much of the same as Friday. I stayed in bed. I read another book. I slept. My illness was doing better. Not well enough to go to the dance, but I could handle toast which was a good sign. Justin called me while he was getting ready at Bryce’s.

“Hey Justin, what’s up?”

“Getting ready with Bryce and the guys.” I could hear the boys roughhousing in the background and Justin’s voice seemed far away. He must have had me on speaker.

“Hi boys.”

“Hey.” They called back.

“You stuck me with him tonight.”

“I’m sick Bryce. I would not be very much fun or help at the dance tonight.”

“You say you’re sick.” Bryce kidded back. He must be in a good mood.

“Would you like me to describe to you in detail what I spent my day doing yesterday?”

“Not really.”

“Didn’t think so. Now boys.”

“Yeah Addy?” Justin asked.

“I need all of your attention.”

“We’re listening.” Zach laughed.

“Oh no. Is she going to give us the lecture?”

“What lecture?” Anders asked.

“Yes. She is.” I said. “Please try to keep the shenanigans to a minimum.”

“But they’re fun.” Justin complained.

“So is not getting arrested. Do not add to the population. Remember that is often a permanent commitment.  However, I do support the right to choose. Do not fight anyone tonight. And please, for the love of God, if you are going to drink, do not spike the punch bowl. Do not be that guy. And don’t be messy drunk. I want to hear no stories about messy drunk athletes come Monday. And another thing, do not drink and drive. If you need a ride, my mum is perfectly happy to go get you and take you home.”

“She took the fun out of a dance in two minutes.” Someone grumbled.

“That was not me taking the fun out. I’m more than okay with some shenanigans. I encourage some. Please have fun for me. I just don’t want you getting anyone pregnant. You’re all old enough to go to the drugstore or the corner store and buy yourselves some damn condoms. If I can go do it, so can you. As for the drinking and driving thing, a DUI is bad. Especially when you’re underage. My mum likes Justin. So she will gladly give someone a ride if they need.”

“Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Back up. You have condoms?” Bryce asked.

“I’m not the Virgin Mary.”

“Who could you possibly be having sex with?”

“None of your business. And I swear Bryce if you say Justin.” I laughed. I may have said too much.

“You’ll what?”

“She won’t anything. I will.” Justin laughed.

“Oh! One more thing. Don’t screw up Clay’s night.”

“Fine. We won’t. Gotta go, bye.” Bryce said. I could hear him grumbling before Justin hung up. “Wonder how far she’ll go with Jensen, hey Justy?” I rolled my eyes. How can he go from fun and not horrible to a disgusting pig in thirty seconds flat?

By Monday, I was back to feeling like myself. I grabbed a soft cream sweater from my closet and paired it with a floral skirt. A worn in pair of black combat boots and silver studs rounded out the look. I left my hair down to let it air dry without a weird kink in it. Bounding down the stairs, I smiled brightly at my parents. “Morning mum. Morning dad.”

“Morning sweetie.” My mum laughed brightly. My dad looked at me strangely.

“You’re awfully happy this morning.” My smile faltered slightly.

“Well, I’m not physically sick today. I think that warrants being happy. And it’s the last few days before winter break.” There was a voice in the back of my head I tried to ignore. I was happy. I plastered on a smile and grabbed a packet of oatmeal. Silently, I warmed my milk and stirred my breakfast. My parents were going over their schedules for the day. It was just about grade deadline for mum, so she had a stack of tests and papers in her office. Dad was already prepping for tax season in a couple of months. The office at work was stacked too, I’m sure.

“I’m going to take this to school.” I mumbled.

At school, I grabbed my cup of oatmeal to eat before class. “Peaches and cream. Interesting.”

“Jesus.” I gasped. “Morning Monty.”

“Morning Addy.” I began walking to my locker. He fell into step beside me.

“Did you need something?” I was sure people were watching us.

“No. Just wanted to say hi.”

“Okay? You know we are at school, right?”

“Yes. We have chemistry together. Is it really so bad to walk to your locker together?”

“I don’t know Monty.”

“For all anyone knows, I’m looking for Bryce. Who will probably be with Justin. Who will be at your locker.”

“I guess.” I sighed. I handed him my cup of oatmeal. “If you’re going to follow me to my locker, hold this while I get my spoon.” Pulling my bag around me, I took the spoon from the front pocket. Monty handed back my breakfast for me to eat while we walked.

“Peaches and cream oatmeal.” He muttered.

“Huh?”

“Nothing. Just making a mental note.” He smirked. I could see the smile behind his eyes though.

“It was on sale. It was this or plain and plain oatmeal is….”

“Plain.”

“Exactly.”

We made it to my locker, where it just so happened that Justin was waiting for me. With my least favorite white boy in tow. “Hey Justin. Walker.”

“Addy.” Bryce nodded.

“Feeling better?”

“Much. What did I miss Friday?”

“Not a whole lot.” Justin shrugged.

“A better question would be what did we miss?” Bryce asked, looking between Monty and I.

“I was on my way in when I saw her pull in. Figured I’d stop and tell her about what she missed in chem.”

“Which apparently wasn’t much.” I shrugged, scraping the last of my breakfast up. “I need to go to class. I expect a full report on what I missed at the dance at lunch.”

“Jeff will give you one. Don’t worry.” Justin laughed. “You’re awfully invested in Clay and Hannah.”

“I could have been invested in you and Hannah. But….” I looked at Bryce briefly. “Here we are.”

“I don’t think she put out for him, if that’s what you’re wondering.” Monty added.

“Gross.”

“Don’t think he would even know how.” Bryce laughed.

“And I’m leaving. Be nice boys.”

My classes were abuzz with talk of the Winter Formal. Mostly talking about what so and so wore, or who such and such was dancing with, or that one song Tony played that went like this or that. Clearly, I hadn’t missed much. Apparently, Jessica had had one or four too many nips off Bryce’s flask. I rolled my eyes internally. I mean, at least the boys weren’t messy. By the time lunch came, I was excited to hear about anything that wasn’t the dance. I knew, of course, that wouldn’t be the case. But still.

Sliding into my usual seat next to Justin, I placed my head on the table. “What’s eating you?” Scott asked.

“Nothing. I’m just bored of hearing about the dance.”

“It wasn’t that bad. And you haven’t heard Jeff’s retelling of Clay Jensen and Hannah Baker’s dance.”

“I want to hear about that. And then nothing else.” He nodded in understanding.

“Seriously though, are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah. Just had a long weekend is all. Guess it knocked more out of me than I thought.” I heard him hum. Jeff laughed jovially as he sat down. How can one man be so damn happy all the time?

“You missed quite the dance on Saturday, Addison.”

“It seems that way. Though, anything would be better than what I spent the weekend doing.”

“Fair. You’re feeling better?”

“Yeah. Just tired now.”

“I bet. Now. About the dance. More specifically, Clay and Hannah at the dance.”

“Yes. And then no more dance talk please.”

“Okay. So, Clay was being a wallflower.”

“As usual.”

“Yes. But he was sitting on the bleachers across the gym from Hannah. And he waved and nodded at her. When I told him to go, he was all ‘I can’t dance’ and so I was like ‘no one can dance. It’s a dance.’”

“Of course. No one likes the ones who can dance.”

“That’s what I said! He was awkward as hell and then they were cute. Danced around like idiots. Had the best time. Leah thought it was fantastic. I was waiting for the slow song that was coming. Or I hoped it was. And then it did. They were awkward again.”

“Right.” I adjusted my position and leaned in to listen to him better.

“Hey gu-.” Justin said, sitting down.

“Shh.” Charlie cut him off. “Jeff is telling a story.”

“They almost kissed.”

“Almost?”

“But then Jess….”

“Ah, this part of the story I know. She was messy. And Hannah cleaned it up.”

“Yes. But that was the dance. Good time.”

“I’m sorry I missed it.” The boys around me spent the rest of lunch having their own conversations. Or giving me their own rundown of the dance. I tuned most of that out. It was hard to pretend not to notice the small glances Monty was sending my way. I sent a few his way too.

Christmas break, finals, and January flew by. Before any of us knew it, it was February. Valentine’s Day was fast approaching. Which, if you didn’t know from looking at the calendar, you certainly knew by the annual Oh My Dollar Valentines posters. There were little heart shaped boxes of chocolate at all the stores in town. The price of roses soared exponentially. I rolled my eyes as I passed one the first day of February. Justin tried to get me to buy one that day.

“No. I’m not interested in paying for cheer camp.”

“You’re always on my ass about school spirit.”

“Yeah. Because like it or not, you and your friends run this school. School spirit is not paying for the wonderful cause of sending the squad to cheer camp.”

“Fine.” He grinned mischievously at me. I watched him reach into his pocket as we passed one of the many tables lining the halls. “Two Dollar Valentines please.” My eyes widened.

“Justin. No.”

“Oh but it’ll be fun.” He laughed.

“I don’t care.” I couldn’t help but smile. He held it out to me, but I shook my head. “No way.”

“Suit yourself. I know you well enough to fill it out for you anyways.” Justin grinned and stuck his tongue out at me. You little shit. I reached out to grab the paper from him. I was going to return it. He held it above his head. I tried to grab it again and he waved his arm around.

“Give it to me.” I laughed.

“Nope. Get taller and maybe I’ll consider it.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Well then I guess you won’t be getting the survey.” I huffed at him. He lowered his arms and I tried to take it again. He pushed my hand away and took off running. “It’ll be an exciting surprise.” Justin yelled as he ran.

“Justin Foley!” I yelled back. I love that boy. But sometimes I just want to…. Oh. What am I going to tell Monty?I sighed and turned around, intending to cut Justin off at his first class and steal the stupid survey from him. When I turned however, I collided with someone.

“We should really stop running into each other like this. People might think we are together or something.” Monty said.

“Or they’ll think you have a thing for me. Since you seem to be the one who always approaches me.”

“That is definitely a possibility.” He handed me my keys. “Might need these later. Wouldn’t want someone finding them and trying to use them.” He started to walk away backwards. I followed after him.

“I highly doubt someone would try to steal an ’09 Camry.”

“Never know.”

“Besides. It’s Evergreen County. Nothing ever happens here.”

“True. I’ll see you at lunch?”

“Yeah. I need to have some words with Justin Foley.”

“Uh oh. Trouble in paradise?”

“Maybe.” I rose a brow. Monty gave me a funny look. “I’ll explain later.”

At lunch I stopped Justin in the hall on the way to the cafeteria. Pulling him into an empty classroom, I locked the door. “I need that survey back Justin.”

“Why?”

“Because I have no interest in going on a valentines date with someone. You know I hate Valentine’s Day.”

“It could be fun.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“Well, you have thirteen days to change your mind.”

“What do you mean?”

“I submitted it on the way to second period.” I blinked at him. Did he just say…?

“You what?”

“I submitted it already. You’ll be receiving a list of ‘promising matches’ on Valentine’s Day.” Oh no. Throwing my head back, I sighed very heavily.

“I hate you.” I groaned.

“I love you too Addy.” Justin brushed past me to leave. “I’ll save you a seat?”

“Nope. That’s okay. I need a break from the testosterone today.”

“Okay.” As soon as he was gone, I texted Monty.

Hey. I need to talk to you. Can you meet me in the library?

Yeah. Bring a book?

Please. My locker was on the way, so I grabbed my books for the rest of the day.

There was a table free in the back of the room. I snagged it so Montgomery and I could have some privacy. He found me a little while later. I was pretending to be taking notes. In actuality, I was doodling and trying not to think about his reaction to Justin’s little stunt. Or reactions. “What’s going on?” He asked as he sat down.

“Hi to you too.”

“Sorry. Hi. What’s going on?”

“So don’t freak out.”

“Don’t start with don’t freak out and I won’t freak out.”

“Justin uh,” I paused.

“Justin? What?”

“Justin filled out and submitted a Dollar Valentine for me.” I quickly added, “I didn’t ask him to. He just bought it and did it. I was going to get it back from him at lunch, but he submitted it on his way to second.” I looked up. Monty was staring at me. And he was… what is he doing? And then his lip twitched. He was trying not to laugh. “What?”

“That’s what this is about? That is what was so urgent?”

“Yes?”

“The fact that Justin Foley filled out a Dollar Valentine for you?”

“Yes?” I was extremely confused.

“Addison. I really don’t care if he filled out a stupid survey for you. Are you going to go on the date?”

“Of course not!”

“Then I don’t give a shit.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s good.” I was still a little hesitant to say anything. “Oh. I should probably mention. I hate Valentine’s Day.”

“Really?” He frowned in confusion.

“Yes. Is that really so hard to believe?”

“Honestly? Yes.”

“Why?”

“You’re a romantic.”

“I know. Which is why I hate Valentine’s Day. It’s the least romantic holiday. If you want to do something nice for me, or get me flowers, show me that you like me, do it on a random day. Not when you have to because it’s a Hallmark holiday.” I was careful not to say the word love. It may have been five months, which is a long time in high school, but we weren’t there yet.

“So, you’re a romantic who hates Valentine’s Day. Okay. Coffee date though?”

“Sure. But not because of what day it is.”

“No. Of course not.” Monty winked at me and then got up to leave. “Come find me after school.” I nodded.

“I’m going to stay here and make Justin sweat a little.”

The next couple of weeks passed slowly. I had forgiven Justin for filling out a Valentine for me a couple of days after he submitted it. After school on the thirteenth, I ran to Walplex to get ingredients for macarons. I browsed the aisles in search of almond flour and raspberry flavouring. Before I left the lot, I texted Monty. Turns out you’re worth it after all. He was busy with practice. I didn’t expect an answer any time soon.

At home, I unloaded my ingredients and put the carton of egg whites in a bowl of lukewarm water to come to room temperature without overheating them. “Hey Siri. Play State Champs on Spotify.”

“Playing State Champs.” I sang along quietly while I went about making my macarons. I said very kind and loving things to the batter aloud. In my head, I was swearing at them with words that would make a sailor blush. He really is worth it.

Dad came home while I was piping the batter onto the Silpat.

“Hi.”

“Hi. What are you doing?”

“Making macarons for my friends.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow.” I shrugged. Dad scoffed and shook his head. “What?”

“Nothing.” He snapped. My face didn’t react. Inside, I felt the familiar sensation of becoming smaller and my insides closing in on themselves. Just ignore him. It’s okay. You’re okay.

“Okay.” I replied meekly. Instead of responding, he went and shut himself in the office. I sighed softly to myself and started on my macaron filling while the cookie batter sat on the tray.

Once my cookies were baked and cooled after dinner, I began to fill them. I picked a Wilton number 18 tip, a small star, and piped chocolate ganache around a raspberry on half of the cookies. When they were all filled, I topped each one. Then I carefully placed them in a container and grabbed several napkins. I also put five each in two disposable aluminum containers. One for Justin. And one for Montgomery. “They won’t notice if one is missing.” I muttered to myself. I took a bite, and it was perfect. Not hollow. Still had a chew to it. The outside was crisp. The slightly bittersweet filling complemented the sweetness of the cookie Perfect. I moaned softly. Setting the containers in the fridge so they didn’t melt overnight, I went upstairs to take a shower and get ready for bed.

The next morning it was Valentine’s Day. As much as I hated the holiday, I wasn’t opposed to dressing up. I dug around my closet for something to wear. I had a red circle skirt in mind. I just needed to find something to wear with it. “Hey Siri, what’s the weather today?”

“It’s currently cloudy and forty-five degrees. The high is expected to be fifty-two degrees and the low will be forty-five degrees.”

“Thank you.” Only fifty-two. I can wear a sweater. I pulled out a couple. The red cable knit was too match-y. The plain black was too plain. My last option was a black sweater with white hearts. This is nice. Shrugging it on, I pulled on a pair of black tights to cover my legs. Topping off the look with my favourite diamond studs and a simple charm bracelet, I checked the clock. I had time to paint my nails.

Soon, I was ready for school. I redid my nails in a nice nude shade. Knowing I was going on a date today, I went quite neutral on the makeup. I wanted my skirt and top to be the focus of my look. My parents were putting their breakfast away when I went downstairs. “Morning guys.”

“Morning sweetie.” We exchanged pleasantries with each other. “You look lovely Addison.”

“Thanks Mum. May not like today, but it’s an excuse to wear this sweater.”

“Very true.” She kissed my cheek gently, so her lipstick didn’t transfer.

“Why are there three containers in the fridge Addison?” Oh crap. Uh….

“Because one is for Justin, one is for my friends to share, and the other one is for me when my friends inevitably leave me with none.”

“I see.” He didn’t sound convinced. Or interested for that matter. When does he ever sound interested? He called after me as I was leaving. “Remember your mother and I are going out tonight for dinner and date night.”

“I know.” I smiled at him. “You kids have fun. I’ll see you in the morning.” I smiled brighter when he dipped my mom and kissed her. Gross but so cute.

“I love you, Margot.”

“I love you too, Brooks.” My mom replied.

My friends were waiting at my locker when I got there. “Hey guys. What’s going on?”

“Justin said you were bringing macarons to school.” Charlie grinned.

“Ah yes. You’re here for snacks. Of course. Hey Clay.”

“Hey Addy.” I shooed the boys away from my locker so I could put my bag in and take out the large container.

“These are for sharing.”

“We know. We can share.” Bryce nodded. Sure, you can. I rolled my eyes playfully. Then I set about passing each of the plethora of boys gathered around my locker a napkin. And then I gave them one macaron each. Jeff got two so he had one to give to Leah.

“Why does he get two?” Luke complained.

“Because he has a girlfriend. And I like her. Do any of you have girlfriends I like?” My eyes shifted to Monty minutely. He smirked softly and quirked a brow quickly. No one seemed to notice. “No? Then you get one for now. You can have more at lunch.” The bell rang. The boys began to disperse to their respective classes. I grabbed Justin and gave him his container.

“You’re the best.” He grinned and kissed my temple when he pulled me in for a hug.

“So are you. Now go get educated.” I texted Monty as I walked to class. I’ll give you yours after school.

I think I like being worth it. This is delicious. Why don’t you make these all the time?

Make them with me sometime. You’ll see.

On my way to lunch, I stopped to pick up my Dollar Valentine. “Hey Sheri.”

“Addison! Oh my gosh. When I heard you filled out a survey, I almost didn’t believe it.”

“Justin did it.”

“Oh. At least he knows you. I hope you get better matches than I did.”

“We’ll see.” I waited while she printed out my list. I glanced at it when she handed it to me.

Andrew B.

Cody K.

Daniel R.

Justin F.

Bryce W.

“Oh. My. God.” I laughed.

“What?”

“I matched with Justin. And Bryce Walker. How the hell?”

“Well, Justin knows you best. And he did the survey for you.” Sheri shrugged.

“Okay fair. But Bryce?”

“I don’t have an answer there.” We both laughed and I left to go to the cafeteria to join my friends. While I walked, I called Justin.

“Hey Addy, what’s up?”

“Hey Valentine. Have you picked up your matches yet?”

“I’m just looking at them now. I was just about to call you to see who you matched with.”

“Well, I think you’re my best match.”

“No one else up to your standards?” I was behind him now.

“Nope.” He turned and hung up. “But I have very important plans tonight, so I’ll need a rain check.”

“No problem. Your annual Bones marathon?” Sure.

“You know it. Next season is the last one.”

“Since I can’t take you out tonight, at least let me escort you to lunch.” He held his arm out to me. I grasped it dramatically.

“Such a gentleman.” We laughed hysterically.

Montgomery loved the macarons. We met at Monet’s after school to get coffee to go because it was crowded. Thankfully no one questioned us if they saw us. They were too wrapped up in their own dates to be concerned about us. Our date was wonderful. There was no chocolate in heart shaped boxes. There weren’t any overpriced roses. Just the two of us spending time together privately. Since my parents were out for the foreseeable future, he came back to my place. We hung out for a bit until he had to leave to avoid my parents. All in all, it was a pretty good Valentine’s Day. He found it hysterical that Justin and I were matched for Dollar Valentines.

Spring had sprung in Evergreen in mid-March. By the time April rolled around, flowers were in full bloom again and it was getting warmer and warmer. On a particularly nice Saturday, I woke up in an unusually good mood. I looked out the window and it was sunny, not a cloud in the sky. As I was sitting in bed, I looked around my room. My camera caught my eye on my bookshelf. Maybe today is the day I introduce Monty to my camera. I got ready but didn’t get dressed. It was still early for a Saturday. And I knew Monty was a big fan of sleep.

After an hour or so of putzing around in my room, I decided to call him. “Morning Addy.” He answered. His voice was still thick with sleep. I smiled.

“Good morning sunshine.” I heard him shifting in bed.

“You’re chipper this morning.”

“It’s nice out. It’s finally spring.”

“It is.” He smiled.

“I was wondering if you had plans today?” I eyed my camera.

“No, I don’t think so. What did you have in mind Bookworm?”

“I thought I could introduce you to my other hobby Casanova.”

He gasped dramatically. “You mean to tell me you like things other than books?”

“Yes.” I laughed. “What do you say?”

“I’m in. When and where?”

“The park by the docks? Say, one o’clock?”

“Sure thing.”

“Wear something comfortable.”

“Okay. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Okay. Bye.”

“Bye baby.”

My parents were in the office working. It was ten am on a Saturday. But it was getting close to exam time for my mom, so she was busy. Tax season was ending, so dad was busy. I opened my bedroom door and called into the house. “I’m going out later. I don’t know how long I’ll be out.”

“Okay honey. Have fun.”

“That’s nice.” I sighed and closed my door. After a quick shower I got dressed. I knew I would probably be moving around a lot today, so I picked a pair of leggings and a loose black t-shirt from American Eagle. I really should go get one of these in every colour. They’re the best shirts. I threw a random cardigan on my bed. It was later joined by my wallet and camera.

Sitting down to do my hair and makeup, I decided to just do a quick French braid. It kept the hair out of my face. I contemplated my makeup for a while. I still had plenty of time to spare. Pressing play on my Spotify and it picked up on a random Beartooth song. Artist Radios are always interesting. I hummed and tapped along with the music while I dug through my vanity. I didn’t have an excessive amount of makeup. Maybe I had a little too much lipstick, but it’s my favourite type of makeup. I kept everything but my lipstick fairly light and neutral. My skin was actually nice today so I could just use concealer and set it. With the rest of my makeup done, I dug through my slightly embarrassing amount of lipstick. “I’m feeling bold today. Red?” I asked myself in the mirror. “Red.” I nodded. I was ready to go now. I chucked the tube of lipstick in my wallet.

It was close to lunch so I texted Monty. Did you want me to make a couple of sandwiches or something?

Sure. I went downstairs and dug through the cheese drawer.

I have turkey, ham, and some other white meat. Possibly chicken?

Ham is okay.

Cheddar okay?

Yup. I made our sandwiches. I knew how he liked his sandwiches now. Placing them in the fridge, I ran upstairs for my camera, camera bag, and now my purse. Our lunch was set on top of my wallet. I threw an ice pack in to keep everything cold and food safe. A couple of snacks joined in before I grabbed my keys.

“I’m leaving now. I’ll see you later.” I called.

“Okay.” My parents called together.

At the park, I met Monty over by a tree. He was wearing jeans and a plain white t-shirt. No flannel. That took me by surprise. He looked damn good though. I stopped on the way over for a couple of coffees from Starbucks. “Hey Casanova.”

“Hey Bookworm.”

“Lunch now or later?”

“Now is good. I could eat.” I rolled my eyes. “What?”

“You’re always hungry.”

“I’m a growing boy.” He defended.

“If you grow anymore, you’ll give Dempsey a run for his money.”

“Never know. They say boys grow again around nineteen.”

“Oh god. I don’t know if I could handle you getting taller.” He laughed.

“Might have to. Never know.” I looked down to hide my blush. I didn’t read into what he said. He was right. You never knew where you could end up. We talked quietly while we ate. Monty regaled me with stories of the baseball game I “missed” yesterday.

“Sounds like a nail biter.” I smiled.

“You don’t like baseball, do you?”

“No.” I replied quickly.

“That mean you’ll never come to a game?”

“Quite possibly. I will go to as many football games as I can though.”

“Deal. Now. What did you want to show me?”

“This.” I said as a pulled my camera out of the bag.

“Oh?”

“Yes. I told you I like photography.”

“I remember. I’m just surprised it took you this long to show it to me.”

“Good things come to those who wait.”

“Okay. I won’t question you.”

“Don’t worry. I’m not Tyler. I keep my photography to when people know about it and can see it.”

“I kind of figured.” I spent some time showing him my camera. It was the first thing I had spent any big amount of money on. I got it a few years ago. I saved up birthday and Christmas money. I never really got an allowance so that’s what I had to work with. I looked out at the water and stood up. Holding my hand out to my boyfriend, I nodded in the direction of the dock.

“Come on.” Montgomery took my hand and we walked to the railing. I examined the water for a few moments quietly. Then I lifted my camera and started shooting. It was beautiful. “It’s nicer at sunset. But daytime shoots are so fun.” I could feel him watching me. A bird was flying close by, so I snapped a picture. “It’s beautiful.” I said softly.

“Very beautiful.”

We wandered around the park together for a few hours. Occasionally we would stop to sit and just people watch. During one of these stops I noticed Monty had turned to look out over the water. The way the light was hitting his face was perfect. I quickly snapped a photo. I wanted to preserve the peaceful look on his face forever. Lord knows the boy could use some peace. He turned to me when he heard the click of the camera. Luckily it didn’t ruin the shot. He was smiling. I couldn’t help myself. I took a quick scan of the area and kissed him. When we pulled away, he quickly wiped the lipstick off. I laughed and dug around in my purse for a makeup wipe. “Here. Use this.”

“Thanks.” I touched up my lipstick. While I was doing that, he took my camera from my lap and snapped a photo of his own. “I’m not very good at this, so don’t be shocked if it comes out crappy.”

“I’m sure it’s great. Here, let me see.” He handed it back. I scrolled to the photo. It was really nice. “This is great Monty.” He nodded but didn’t say anything. Instead, he threw his arm over my shoulder and pulled me in close to him. I rested my head on his shoulder. Turning the camera around, I snapped a picture of the two of us. It wasn’t exactly a candid, but it was as close as you could get with a selfie. We called it a night around six o’clock. He had to get home for dinner. I had some homework to do. I also wanted to get our photos transferred as soon as possible.

I walked into the house smiling to myself. Today had been a really great day. I felt good. “What the hell is all over your face?” My dad asked. Not a hello. No other acknowledgement.

“What do you mean?” I reached up to touch my face. Is there something on my face?

“You really caked it on today, didn’t you?” Oh. My makeup. I’d forgotten that he didn’t see me before I left.

“I put on a little makeup. I’m trying to use up a red lipstick.” I shrugged. The small feeling had begun to grow again.

“It makes you look like a prostitute.” Wow. That escalated quickly. My good mood vanished. I set my face. I wouldn’t let him see that he had hurt me.

“Thanks Dad. That was my goal today actually.”

“Don’t take that kind of tone with me, young lady.”

“Okay, whatever. Where’s Mum?”

“At the grocery store.”

“Okay. I’ll be upstairs.”

“Take off the paint while you’re up there.” He called after me.

When I reached my room, I closed the door and slid down it. Not wanting him to know I was crying I went to the bathroom and grabbed a towel. I curled up on my bed and sobbed into the towel. I didn’t care that there would be makeup stains on it. My phone buzzed on the floor. Sitting up, I stood to grab it. It was Monty. I want to see those photos baby.

Okay. I’ll send them over when I’m done.

Looking forward to it.

Yeah.

If I forgot to say, you looked pretty today.

Thanks. I wasn’t sure I believed him after what my dad said.

Any other mystery hobbies you want to show me?

Don’t think so.

Not even the art of knitting?

Maybe.

You okay Addy?

Yeah. Just tired.

Okay. I’ll talk to you later then.

Sure. I didn’t answer his next text. It was too much effort to do it now. I just wanted to lay in bed and be sad.

[yeah-klave]

A Short History of What Happened - Chapter 4

Written, with love, for EnKlave Fest 2021.

Catch up with the story so far: Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3

Prompt: Omegas aren’t allowed to join the army, but then Omega!Klaus gets dropped into Vietnam and has to pose as a Beta. He manages quite well, right until he goes into heat. Alpha!Dave is protective and incredibly aroused/horny.

Genre: Omega verse, smut, developing relationships, slow burn, undercover, misunderstandings, secretly in love.

Word length: This chapter: 2.1k

Warning: Implied, canon-compliant abuse. The entire work, when posted, will contain explicit sexual content. (Also, my knowledge of the Vietnam war is almost non-existent. I’ve tried to keep historic/military references throughout this fic to a minimum, but I’ve had to take a few liberties in this chapter to provide the right context for this conversation. Please just roll with it.)

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of The Umbrella Academy characters or settings.

***************************************************************

Fate, that fickle mistress, dealt a blow the following morning.

The unit had been redeployed and were heading out to a new location that day. Most of their airborne unit were to be dropped in directly. A select few, however, were required to provide ground support to the convoy of trucks. Dave had been selected. And so, as it turned out, had Klaus.

Most of the men were to ride in the back of the trucks, ready, in case of an ambush. 

Dave – less than enthusiastic at the thought of several hours caged up in a hot, metal tube – had offered to act as rear guard and follow the convoy on foot as it made its way through the marshy, inhospitable landscape.

He had already turned to begin checking his pack, when he heard a light, musical voice volunteer to join him. Head bowed, large, strong hands pausing in their methodical inspection of his rifle clips, Dave felt a physical thrill run through his entire body, a tingling jolt that started in his stomach, then radiated out to his fingers and toes and the tips of his hair.

As the trucks began their slow progress, Dave took his position next to the small man in the borrowed clothes. Keeping a reasonable distance from the convoy, they began their hike.

Dave focussed hard. He tried desperately to keep his mind clear of the intoxicating scent and not let himself become distracted by the most beautiful face he had ever seen. He held his gun at the ready and kept his eyes on the landscape around them, vigilant of the dangers.

Klaus was not as diligent. He held his gun loosely in his hands, as though it was a weight he was unused to carrying. In his peripheral vision, Dave noticed that Klaus looked around him with wide eyes, a look of curious wonder on his face that any significant amount of time in the field would surely have dampened to a resigned acceptance.

Dave took a deep breath, holding the conversational ball close to his chest for a final moment, before readying himself to take a swing and serve it into Klaus’ court.

“You’re lucky, you know,” he said quietly. A thwack of rubber against taught lattice strings. He kept his eyes forwards, watching the terrain and his words and the progress of the ball.

Klaus looked over at him. Dave shot a glance his way and Klaus immediately lowered his gaze, then looked up again shyly through his long, dark lashes.

“And why’s that?” he said, his voice light and breathy. He raised one eyebrow slightly, eyes twinkling and the corner of his mouth curling up into the beginning of a smile. Slowly, he parted his lips a fraction and gently bit his bottom lip. Dave could see the tiny, white press of pressure as Klaus’ teeth slowly dragged over the blood darkened skin. Still looking up into Dave’s face, Klaus opened his mouth a little more and gently ran the tip of his tongue over his bottom lip.

Dave swallowed hard and snapped his eyes forwards again. He cleared his throat, took a deep breath that smelled like something sweet and musky and unfamiliar, and replied, “Well, out of all the units you could have stumbled into, you managed to pick the one made up entirely of betas.” He paused, then added as an afterthought. “Well, except me, of course.”

Dave heard Klaus give a snort and turned his head quickly to catch Klaus swotting at a mosquito.

“Shut up,” he said in an undertone, “he isn’t.”

Dave eyebrows crinkled in confusion. “Pardon?” he said.

Klaus bared his teeth, hissed and swotted again.

“Got it?” Dave asked.

“What?” Klaus said distractedly, looking back over at Dave. His brows were knitted together and he had a pained expression of concentration on his face. His eyes wandered over Dave’s shoulder.

“Fuck tests!” he said abruptly.

“Klaus?” Dave said, concerned, “are you okay?”

Klaus snapped his eyes back to Dave’s face. “Peachy,” he replied, but it still sounded a bit sad. Or sceptical.

“I think,” Klaus blurted suddenly, “I think you mean you’re lucky.” If those words were a creature, they would be something with a sting.

Dave frowned again, suddenly feeling as though there were more balls in play than he had originally thought.

Dave tracked the conversation back, then frowned deeper. “But… that’s… what I said.”

“No, no, no,” Klaus waved his hands in frustration. Dave’s eyes followed the movement of Klaus’ arms and the purple shadow of bruising that ringed his wrists. Dave’s stomach churned and he felt the prickle of anger take root in the base of his skull.

Klaus’ eyes were raking over Dave’s face. “No, you think you’re the lucky one.” He paused, then added with a little shrug. “All betas means no competition for you.” He paused and frowned, his nose scrunching adorably. “I mean,” he added, “no competition for me. Over me. Lucky old you.”

Dave could hear his heart pounded in his ears.

“So, big boy,” Klaus held Dave’s gaze, “which one of these trees are you going to pin me against while you wrap your hand around my throat and fuck me so hard I’ll barely be able to walk?”

The pounding in Dave’s ears turned to a roar. In a sickening rush he thought of bruises and bloody towels and wide, scared eyes and a fear so strong and deep he could smell it.

“Oh no,” he said firmly, “no, no. Just no. That’s not… I’m not like that.”

Crash. Bang. There it was. The slip of the tongue. The fork in the road. The miscommunication.

Klaus’ face had turned to stone. His expression was unreadable, but the air around them had soured. If Dave hadn’t been so preoccupied, he might have recognised it as the bitter smell of disappointment.  

Dave ploughed on. “We’re not all aggressors, you know? Not all egocentric pricks who think the world owes us sex and submission.” He wasn’t sure Klaus was listening. His eyes had slipped over Dave’s shoulder again.

“Oh,” Klaus said in a small voice. “So, you’re just being kind to the queer, little omega freak out of the good of your heart, are you?”

Dave felt his stomach twist and a pang of guilt washed over him. Beautiful, he had thought. Heartbreakingly beautiful. This was going so wrong. So utterly, completely wrong.

“It’s,” he started. “I mean… Some of us are just decent, you know? We’re not all dicks. I mean, really, the primary role of an alpha is as protector and caregiver.”

Klaus snorted again. It smelled like sadness and derision and disbelief.

“Yeah,” he huffed under his breath. “Well, not in my experience.”

And Dave’s heart clenched again. Clenched for every bad thing that had ever happened to this man to make him react like that.

“I’m not like… that.” Dave said, slowly and clearly. Whatever, that was exactly. He just knew he wasn’t. He would never be the type of alpha who would make any omega scared or uncomfortable. Or worse. “I just want to help you,” he said simply.

Klaus turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow. “Really?” he asked, the scepticism thick in his voice.

“Really, really.” Dave said earnestly, holding Klaus’ gaze. He determinedly ignored the butterflies of desire in his stomach and resolutely refused to register the utterly enchanting shade of Klaus’ green eyes.

Klaus held his gaze for a moment longer, his brows furrowing slightly his questioning stare flicking between Dave’s eyes, as though trying to read something behind them.

“I don’t think I thanked you for the clothes before,” he said slowly.

Dave breathed a sigh. Of relief? He wasn’t sure. “No problem,” he said instead. “Although,” he added slowly, “I should probably ask you why you needed them.”

Klaus looked him straight in the eye and deadpanned, “Because all I was wearing was a towel.” He held Dave’s gaze. It felt like a test.

“Really,” Dave added composedly. “I hadn’t noticed.”

Klaus’ face fell. Dave had thought that was the right answer, but at the sadness in Klaus’ eyes, he still felt like he had failed somehow.

Klaus took a resolute breath, then added with a straight face, “So used to following your nose, did you forget how your eyes worked?”

Klaus appraised him stonily for approximately three seconds before his face cracked into a small, lopsided grin. It still looked a little sad, but the tension broke between them.

“Very funny, smart ass.” Dave huffed, grinning back. He was definitely not thinking about how dazzling Klaus’ smile was. “Get in there quick with the big, dumb alpha jokes. Typist humour. Very witty.” But there was no bite to his words. They were like the roughhousing of an old, familiar, family dog – more fluff and licks than nips and barks.

“Sometimes you guys just walk straight into them,” Klaus smiled, giving Dave a quick wink. Dave’s stomach flipped over.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dave rolled his eyes, playing along, “that’s why they make us so big, right? Extra cushioning for when we’re so dumb we bump into things…?”

“You said it, not me!” Klaus giggled. Actually giggled. The butterflies in Dave’s stomach did a few somersaults.

Quite settled around them like a blanket. But it was comfortable silence. Warm and weighted. An old familiar blanket that got brought out, year after year, to chase away the bite of winter. The kind of blanket you wanted to keep in your life forever. A patchwork that only improved with age.

After a while, Dave turned back to Klaus. “So,” he ventured tentatively, “do you want to tell me why you were only wearing a towel?”

Klaus sighed deeply and looked down at his fingers which had started fiddling distractedly with the strap of his gun.

“That’s a long story,” he sighed, “and I’m not quite sure how to tell it.” He went quiet and Dave thought he might have lost him. Shut him down. Pushed him too far. Stupid, Dave thought. Just as he was starting to relax around you. You went and pushed too far, expected too much.

“Would it help if I tried to fill in the blanks a bit?” Dave asked gently. “You could just answer yes or no?”

He smelled the relief on Klaus before he saw it reflected in his eyes. Distantly, he wondered when his sense of smell had developed so much. He couldn’t remember ever being able to smell emotions as clearly or as strongly as this from any other omega. It must be because I haven’t been around omegas for so long, thought Dave. He must just smell extra strong to me now, or something, because of prolonged lack of exposure.

“Yeah,” Klaus croaked. “That’s probably a good idea.”

Dave took a deep breath and began. “Were you running away from someone?”

“Yes.” Klaus replied. Dave’s brain filled in the blanks, supplied a series of images of an amorphous ex.

“Were they hurting you?” he asked.

“Yes.” Klaus confirmed. An abusive amorphous ex. The images got progressively darker. The prickle of anger at the base of Dave’s skull grew teeth.

“Are they gone for good?” he asked.

Klaus swallowed. “No.” He paused for a long moment. “I don’t think so.” Another pause. “I don’t know.”

“Do they want you back?”

Klaus snorted. Ahead of them, one of the trucks revved its engine and Dave almost missed Klaus’ answer. But, under his breath, Dave though he heard Klaus mumble, “Nobody wants me.”

Dave could hear his heartbeat again. It was hammering a drumbeat rhythm in his ears. He was almost convinced Klaus must be able to hear it.

“Is here better than… anywhere else?” Dave paused. “Wherever else you have?”

Dave watched Klaus considering his question and weighing up his answer.

“I don’t know.” Klaus said eventually. “I mean… I am, what I am, where I am. But really… here, there, anywhere. It’s all the same really. I have about as much connection here as I would anywhere else.”

Dave nodded. A fresh start. He could understand that. He could understand that more than anyone.

“So,” he pitched his voice low and calm, his kept his eyes forwards, “do you want to stay?”

Dave could feel Klaus’ eyes on him, but he didn’t look over. He gave Klaus the space to study his face.

Finally, Klaus replied. “Yes,” he said simply, “Yes, I think that maybe I do.”

Dave tried to suppress a smile. He failed.

************************

Yeah-Klave Master List

[hoodie-lover]

My Multiverse Part 11

Characters belong to their respective owners A large knife came swinging. It was as large as a sword and was swung as such by a master. Its sharp black blade shining against the blank white of the anti-void. With the whipping of wind and well timed jump, the blade merely scratched Error’s face, a small forgettable mark on his cheek. Error looked upon his brother, and backed away in fear. He cried out to his brother, but no recollection was in his eyes as another swing came the destroyer’s way. 

A sloppy jump saved Error from a swift and dusty end as he cried out for his brother once again. With a strong and true swing Error was knocked to his feet. 

“Abomination.” Cross spat as he put his knife to Error’s neck. Glaring daggers.

“C-Cross…?” Error stuttered, holding his hand out to Cross. 

“Disgusting.” Cross said, but before he could slice Error’s throat, Ink placed a hand on Cross’ shoulder. 

“Make him hurt.” Ink commanded and Cross slowly forced in blade into Error’s ulna, ripping through Error’s hoodie with perfect precision. 

Error screamed in pain as he tried to push back against Cross, but he had no such luck. Dust scattered to the floor as Cross forced the knife upward, slower than he stabbed Error. Trying to stay strong, Error faced the pain and didn’t object, even as his ulna was cut in half vertically and his own dust staining his hoodie. 

As he picked up his bone, a sharp pain exploded in his radius, as it was sliced horizontally and his hand dangled from the thin strips of slashed bone. Error looked upon his brother’s cold face, once warm and lively.

“Please, do you not remember me?” Error asked, clutching his right arm in pain as his eyes welled with tears. 

“I remember your horrendous face. That is all you are and worth.” Cross said as he pressed his foot to Error’s ribs and ground them to a fine powder. 

“That is all Crossy~.” Ink said as Cross backed off of Error and was sent through a portal, leaving only Fresh yet to hurt Error, or be hurt. 

Error cried and shook as he looked at Ink, the demonic smile spread wide. 

“This next punishment will be a bit different. As Fresh is pretty much useless in terms of combat, he’s just here for me to torture. So, I’m going to make you watch him suffer more than anyone else.” Ink stated as he snapped his fingers and Fresh came back from Ink’s control. 

“What happened…?” Fresh asked but when he saw Ink, he froze.

“Heya Freshy~. Just relax, and sleep.” Ink said as Fresh fell to the ground, promptly falling asleep. 

“W-what are you going to do to him?!” Error cried out as he shambled over to his friend. 

“I’ll show you. Dream, get over here. And bring Blue.” Ink said as Dream got up and dragged Blue by his hand. 

Dream opened up a screen to a black void, and all that they could see, was Fresh. He was wandering around, alone and scared. The screen itself was nothing special, just a glitchy outline. 

“Let’s make this interesting~.” Ink said as he made Nightmare appear in the void. 

Fresh was overjoyed to see Nightmare, running up to him and crying as he embraced him. But as he cried, Nightmare’s tentacles appeared from behind Fresh, and began to constrict him like a python would its prey. 

Fresh screamed as he thrashed and kicked, but it was to no avail. 

“N-Nightmare! W-why...?” Fresh gasped as the air was forced from his throat and he dusted. 

“NO!!” Error screamed as he reached out to the screen, but it was smooth as glass and cold as ice. 

Turning to grab Fresh’s body, Error sobbed and tried to shake Fresh awake, but Ink merely laughed at Error. 

“He’ll only wake up when I want him to. All you can do is watch.” Ink explained as he pushed the viewing screen in Error’s face. 

The screen, instead of its glitchy outline, now had a glowing rainbow ring on it. Error felt his soul thump at the sight of the rainbow, and his eyes became glued to the screen and what it showed. He was unable to look away, it felt so right to look at, and as the outline grew larger, making the screen itself smaller, Error lost his train of thought. But when the screen grew in size, and the rainbow outline faded, Error’s eyes stayed glued to the screen.

“I put a little tick in his code that’ll make him calm and attracted to whatever I want. It’s really convenient when I want him to shut up.” Ink explained to Dream. “Anything he sees or would feel, won’t register until I break the trance, or he REBOOTs.” Ink added and Dream nodded with intrigue. 

“Can you make him do anything while like this?” Dream asked, dropping Blue’s hand. 

“When I’m done with Fresh I’ll try. This is the first time I’ve used this, and I have plenty more tricks up my sleeves.” Ink responded as he snapped his fingers and Fresh began to wander through the void again. 

As time went on, Fresh was met and killed by his family, friends, and enemies. It went on for hours, new scary locations, more deaths, and seeing the multiverse collapse. Fresh’s screams and sobs even translated to his physical responses. He began to cry and whine while Error held him, unaware of anything around him. 

When Ink noticed that Blue’s REBOOT was 77% complete, he decided to take him out of the anti-void, and to the pale AU. Called Dream forth and the two left Error and Fresh in the anti-void for a few hours. Which translated to a day for the unfortunate duo. Ink opened up Blue’s code and almost gagged at how disorganized and messy it was. Though he managed to put a tiny little tick in their, setting Blue’s REBOOT progress to 0%. 

“What’s the tick?” Dream asked, curious. 

“An instant REBOOT whenever I or you feel like it. Great since he probably has a resistance against our powers thanks to the glitching.” Ink told him, shrugging as he handcuffed Blue to the couch, making sure the sharp metal cuff scratched the bone of Blue’s wrist. 

He and Dream went up for a nap, making sure to set the alarm for them to get back to their dup before they have three glitches on their hands. Ink didn’t really have a need for sleep, it was just close eyes, and wake up. He didn’t dream or really internalize anything when he was asleep, but Dream was a different story. Vivid dreams and nightmares plagued the guardian of positivity, and he often felt no relief upon waking up. 

But now, with his emotions muddled, he felt safe, content, and truly relaxed when he slept for the first time in his life. His mind faded to that of simpler time, when Nightmare and him had been living in their village, or off to the side of it. Days he had spent climbing trees, roughhousing, and playing games. Looking back on those days, he realized how utterly stupid he was. How had he not noticed how Nightmare had suffered, how? 

He may not feel guilty for what he has done to Nightmare, but in regard to what he could have done, he wished that Ink would kiss him again. As he thought of how he would love that kiss again, his thoughts drifted from Nightmare, but to Ink. The swirling tattoos, fake passion, but the passionate kisses and pleasure hey brought. It left him satisfied when he awoke.

“Let’s go see our toys shall we Dreamy~?” Ink asked, rhetorically as he opened a portal. Error was still glued to the screen, not having moved an inch. 

With a strong and swift hug from the back, Dream lifted Ink, suplexing him and kissing his face and neck. Trying for the pleasure he felt when Ink kissed him. 

“I see~.” Ink said as he returned the kiss, though only a minor peck on Dream’s forehead, and not the intoxicating and deep experiences that Dream had felt before. 

Upon seeing Dream’s disappointment, Ink made a mental note to take a few drops of pink for Dream. When they actually got to them, Ink pried Fresh from Error’s surprisingly strong grip and dispel the screen. When Fresh was thrown into the portal, to which Ink would check on later. Ink picked up Error bridal style, making note of Dream’s death glare, and walked to the pale AU. 

He placed Error in the chair he’d always sat in and ran his hand over Error’s skull, waking him up from the trance. Error screamed and kicked Ink in the ribs, before he curled up and hugged his legs as he began to sob. Ink left Error alone to sob while he took his pink vials and let a few droplets fall into his mouth.

Characters belong to their respective owners

Next

First

[fangurk]

This Time (Paul Lahote x Reader)

Key:

Y//n - Your name      Y/l/n - Your last name

y/e/c- your eye color  y/h/c - your hair color

Prompt- Based on the song Pork Soda by Glass Animals 

Reader Gender - Female (If you want you can imagine it’s not specified if you like)

Summary - Paul and Y/n have always been close friends, ever since he moved to La Push when they were eight. Eventually, unknown to the other, feelings blossomed between the two of them and they got even closer. Until Paul phased. Anything that was previously happening between the two stopped, Paul left his female best friend alone and began following Sam Uley around like, it could not be better described as, a lost puppy. Y/n, who has no clue what is happening to her friend, feels a mix of emotions as she watches the boy she loved and her best friend change for the worst, eventually trying to ignore the fact they were ever friends. One day they meet eyes as Y/n tries to stop a fight and suddenly he’s talking to her again, doing whatever he could to appease her, and never leaving her alone. It’s only a matter of time she starts talking to him and he makes promises he can’t keep; will she find out and forgive him? Or will he blow his last chance?

Warnings: Cursing, angst, mentions of sexual things(I don't know how to word it), small amounts of blood, direct mentions of fighting. Very few things actually happen canonly, most are just for stories sake. I only used some of the lyrics, not all of them.

 Word Count-2.2k+ (Not Including Lyrics)

Somewhere in South End when you were fun You took my hand and you made me run Up past the prison to the seafront You climbed the cliff edge and took the plunge Why can’t we laugh now like we did then? How come I see you and ache instead? Let's climb the cliff edge and jump again

There were moments like these where Y/n Y/l/n wished she could have stayed in the past forever. She watched with sullen y/e/c eyes as her, you could say, ex-best friend, roughhoused with a group of boys he had never associated himself with until recently.

Paul Lahote had a long history with the y/h/c haired girl, they had been close since his parents divorced and he moved with his father to La Push when they were eight. She had no clue how their parents knew one another, she just assumed that their fathers were childhood friends and that's why Paul was over at her house every Sunday so their fathers could watch the game and the boy wouldn't be alone.

Something between the two just clicked, that's why the playdates on Sundays turned into them hanging out every day in and after school as they got a little older. One of her fondest memories of their friendship was the first time they went to the beach without adults, she remembered that it was one of possibly five clear days that Washington had all year round and during the summer.

Y/n evoked that she was wearing a cheap one-piece bathing suit that most definitely was a rip off of her favorite Disney character at the time and Paul was wearing some hand-me-down pair of trunks that barely fit him at the time. Back then, Paul was fun and lighthearted, meaning she could joke around with him and not have to worry about having her face crushed in by the new angry Paul. She watched with wide eyes, after he had dragged her all the way up to the shorter cliff jump, as he took a running leap off the cliff and plunged into the cold dark blue waters below.

Considering the fact that he had survived, she followed him and screamed until she hit the water; although she is now very fond of the way he was smiling and laughing, and how she felt when he told her he did it to 'have fun and impress her', she was very very mad at him at the time.

Back then it was all laughs and fuzzy feelings, staying up past midnight with soda and junk food in their rooms, and almost kisses. Now it was all aching feelings, being ignored, and the almost dated awkwardness hung around them so much that they moved to other sides of the classroom. Whatever happened between the two?

Somebody said that I'm a fuckin' slum Don’t know that I belong Maybe you’re fucking dumb Maybe I’m just a bum Maybe you’re fucking scum Don’t you go psycho chum I want you for the world I want you all the time

Eventually, Y/n just tried blocking her best friend from her mind; she put all the pictures, gifts, and cards in boxes and bags in her closet. It wasn't like you could recognize Paul Lahote anyway, recent Paul was completely different physically and personality wise; so much that it scared her.  He was taller now, he'd always been fairly short so this was possibly the most minimal of all changes, and had become much more muscular than naturally obtainable; she didn't want to believe that he was doing drugs, she really didn't, but then again, she didn't really know him anymore.

One day Y/n was standing by her locker with a new friend, sorting her books and talking about some random subject that she hadn't entirely been paying attention to because she was spacing out. What brought her out of her haze was a loud noise, similar to body slamming into a locker, and shouts from down the hallway from her.

"Holy Shit! Lahote has Ateara pinned!" Only at this exclamation did Y/n Y/l/n whip her head around quick enough to give someone whiplash, her y/h/c whipping her in the face.

Paul did indeed have the small Ateara boy pinned up against the school's rundown lockers, his face contorted in anger and his entire body was clenched and shaking. Quil had blood trickling from his crooked nose, telling everyone Paul had already broken his nose; Y/n needed to stop this.

"Where are you going!?" Her friend shrieked as the girl broke off into a run towards the two.

As she got closer, Y/n heard almost animalistic growls coming from Paul and she decided that Quil definitely teetered on the line of insane and brave.

"Maybe you're fucking dumb" And with his words, a strong punch that knocked his entire body to the side came.

"Paul Stop!" The girl shouted, her y/e/c eyes blown wide in shock as Paul wailed down upon the fragile boy, getting blood on his clothing and fists.

"Paul Lahote!" She said, mimicking the scolding tone she used that day he jumped off the cliff when they were eleven, "Stop it! You'll kill him!"

Her tone halted the boy in front of her who, with a fairly terrifying look, snapped his head up in her direction; the harsh look in his eyes dying down as he looked into hers. The ache in her heart multiplied by ten but she ignored it, whatever just happened, terrified the ever-loving hell out of her and someone was really injured.

"What the fuck have you done?" She asked in a strained voice and shook her head as Jacob Black and Embry Call moved Quil, who had been freed as Paul had stood up again, "you're fucking insane..."

Those were her parting words as she ran back down the hall after the three boys, leaving a gaping Paul to be dragged from the premises by Jared Cameron. He never thought it'd be her.

Pineapples are in my head (When you were fun) Got nobody 'cause I’m brain dead (You made me run) Pineapples are in my head (To the seafront) Got nobody 'cause I’m brain dead (She took the plunge)

For the next few days, Y/n had to ignore the eyes on her back from Sam Uley's little cult; she had to ignore the conflicted look in Paul's eyes every time she happened to bother sparing him a glance. She had to force herself to stop thinking of the good memories, of how happy that first time at the beach was. About how happy he used to make her but now, now he was just some angry monster who resolved every conflict by throwing blows that could kill someone.

Paul watched the girl he used to be so close to, who he loved, try to avoid him at every cost with a heavy heart; he couldn't blame her. They were best friends since they were eight then one day, eight years later, he started ignoring her for boys he swore he'd never join; he cut his hair and got a tattoo. He even moved seats away from her, trying to make it easier, yet he still couldn't anticipate that the next time she'd look him in the eye after months would be when he was losing control and that he'd imprint on her.

"Paul, you should eat," Emily Young, Sam's imprint, said, shoving the plate the boy had just pushed away from him back towards him with a kind smile.

"I can't Em," He muttered in monotony, his chin on his fists as he stared at the tablecloth, "She took the plunge..."

"What the hell are you on about?" Jared asked, his mouth full of food that he, unlike his brother, had happily taken from the technical pack matriarch.

"She took the plunge..." He whispered to himself again, seeming to have a revelation as he slowly stood, "I jumped in and she followed right after me!"

The rest turned to one another with worried eyes, watching in confusion as he pretty much ran out of the house as fast as he could; heading straight for the girl's house in the pouring rain.

Y/n Y/l/n had just finished her homework and was sitting up restlessly listening to the wind and harsh rain pounding against her windows; for some reason, it calmed her. She had no clue as to why she was awake so late, she had finished her homework and usually, she'd just go to her room, but today was different. She just had a feeling that she should stay in the living room and had no clue why, until there was a knock on her door.

Nervously, they peeked a y/e/c eye through the peek hole only to see the one person she didn't want to see. Paul. He was standing outside her door with a sullen expression, her nerves bundled into knots as she slowly lowered herself out of sight from the hole.

"Y/n, I know you're on the other side of this door," His voice, muffled by the rain and the door, caused her eyes to widen in both fear and surprise, "so I'm just gonna talk...to the door, and you, hopefully."

"Look I know ignoring you was wrong but I, " He continued, taking a deep breath because, she knew, he was going to cry, "I kinda had to."

She couldn't have prevented the loud snort if she tried, she couldn't believe him; no one has a justifiable reason for suddenly dumping their best friend for a gang of druggies.

"I know what you're thinking; I know that pretty little mind of yours," A blush dusted her cheeks at that, she really needed help, "you're mad at me, I saw it in your eyes the other day. But I really do have a reason."

She turned slightly towards the door, the back of her head still pressed against it, with furrowed brows; his tone was sincere, breaking, she knew he couldn't have been lying but that didn't make it feel any better.

"The tribal legends are true, that's why I wasn't allowed to talk to you because otherwise, you’d get hurt; because I love you and you used to do stupid shit with me like that day at the beach-" He cut himself off, his tone defeated and hinting at angry, "Whatever. You're probably not even here, I'm wasting my time...."

She heard her old porch creak and groan as he got up, she could hear his heavy footsteps until he got too far from her door. She thought of his words about the legends, she thought about the changes they went through and how, if you bumped hands with them, their skin was so hot; he wasn't kidding.

Y/n stood as quickly as she could, her y/h/c hair whipping her in the face as she opened the door and ran out after him...

5000 footsteps in your wet dress Back to the house with your arms around my neck We drank pork soda with tangled legs I won’t forget how you looked at me then                                                            I know I'm no sweet prince of love                                                                   

She chased the large outline of Paul in the rain, it seemed like five thousand footsteps in the now sopping wet clothes she was wearing before she got close enough to make the first real physical contact she'd had with him in months. She grabbed his arm and used it to propel herself in front of him, out of instinct she wrapped her arms around his neck. But what she did next, that was out of a completely new and different instinct. She didn't realize what she had done before it was too late, and he was kissing back. Emotions poured out of the both of them and into the kiss, he loved her back. She loved him and he loved her back.

She pulled back for air, "Took you long enough you ass!" She said breathlessly, resting her forehead against his as he held her close to him, "I've waited eight goddamn years to hear that!"

"Yeah yeah," He grumbled, rolling his eyes playfully with a half smile as he looked her in the eyes for a split second.

"How about we take this inside?" She whispered, blushing as he buried his face in her neck, the heat contrasting with the cold making her shudder.

She felt him smirk softly as he lifted her into his arms, making her own retake their position around his neck as he walked over the threshold of her house. Once the door was closed she kissed him again, relishing in every little bit of what she'd been dreaming of for so long. As he moved up the stairs they both knew they'd never forget what was going to happen, nor would they forget the way they were looking at one another...

Let's climb the cliff edge and jump again

Y/n Y/l/n woke up the next morning just in time to begin getting ready for school, naked, in an otherwise empty bed. As she moved she heard a crinkle noise, furrowing her eyebrows she felt around the covers for what was making the noise. Eventually, she found a small note with that very familiar horrible handwriting that belonged to the one she loved.

'Had something to do for Sam, see you later. 7:00 pm on the small jump' she read with a small smile, shaking her head and chuckling when she realized he had snuck out of her window in the middle of the night.

This time, she would see to it that they did the jump together; maybe so that this time he wouldn't get to tease her for being chicken shit the first time around. As she thought of future plans for her life she chuckled at herself, she was getting so far ahead of herself but she was sure that this time she was allowed to. That this time he wouldn't leave and they'd be happy, after all, this time was so much different...

Pineapples are in my head (Pineapples are in my head) Got nobody 'cause I’m brain dead (Got nobody 'cause I’m brain dead) Pineapples are in my head (Pineapples are in my head) Got nobody 'cause I’m brain dead (Got nobody 'cause I’m brain dead)

[noxiatoxia]

IMS O GLAD U LIKE MY IDEAS!!!! ITS LITERALLY SO MUCH FUN TALKING ABT THEM W U!!!!!

i just love sick character tropes, im more partial to angst but i love the cute stuff too,, those kinds of stories are my favorite

thought of a kind of sad ending where hikaru's desperate and trying to get help but no one believes him, but he finally gets someone to come up to their room and see that kaoru's sick. kaoru is feverish and scared, so when he sees hikaru bringing in the maid thats gonna separate them+ put him on bedrest and force him to take medicine, he feels betrayed. even though he feels awful, hes too delirious to understand how dire his situation is and how he needs the maids to take care of him. he just sees hikaru bringing in the maids to take him away. so they're trying to pull kaoru out of bed to carry him to the doctor but hes fighting it and crawling to the opposite side of the bed to get away from them, crying for hikaru to help stop them despite his voice being nearly gone.

hikaru is absolutely distraught, nearly in tears because he really was just trying to help. and now the maids are telling him he was awful for keeping it from them and trying to take care of his brother himself, and kaoru's crying and begging him to not let them take him and he doesn't know if he ever did the right thing to help him. he just wants his little brother to be okay !!!!!! he's just a kid he doesn't know what to do !!!

made myself sad with this one,, pain and suffering

BUT then once he's better and allowed back, kaoru asks hikaru why he did that to him...hikaru bursts into tears, sobbing that he really was just trying to help and that he didn't know what to do, pleaded with his brother not to be mad at him. kaoru still doesn't understand the gravity of the situation he was in but forgives his brother anyway because their medicine really did make him feel better. hikaru throws his arms around him and hugs him tight, still crying. kaoru hugs back just as tightly and tells him he still loves him, that he's not mad. they spend the rest of the day playing together like they hadn't been able to during the time kaoru was sick. they run around in the gardens together as well as doing a much better and dramatized recreation of the last dinosaur. (this is a big occasion because usually hikaru gets to be the dinosaur but this time he lets kaoru be the dinosaur)

btw i loved the fluffier ideas you had too bc i just know that even if he couldn't make kaoru feel physically better, hikaru would do everything he could to make sure he wasn't sad or alone. hikaru, the most adhd brained little boy there ever was, would hardly ever leave his brothers bedside, even if it was boring just sitting there. playing with him (if kaoru was feeling up to it), talking to him, reading to him, cuddling him... he feels terrible that he can't do much more to help him, but kaoru says it's more than enough for hikaru to comfort him the best he can

i love little hitachiins,, they're so cute... wails and cries

HI ANON HI!!! Sorry I didn't reply all day I was busy (having many much fun with a friend but busy nonetheless) but I have been periodically thinking about this ask thru out the day!!

Kaoru would feel very betrayed, esp after Hikaru said he wouldn't. But Hikaru couldn't help it; he didn't want Kaoru to get worse, and he had no clue what else to do...

At the very least, Kaoru is understanding once he's not bogged down with a fever and Hikaru explains it to him. He understands how scared Hikaru must have been, so he forgives him.

Also, them reenacting Hikaru's story (lol'd at "hikaru, the most adhd brained little boy there ever was" bc it's true) is SO adorable. I imagine them causing a ruckus in the yard, Kaoru standing on his tippy toes to be taller "like a dinosaur" and doing dinosaur hands. I dunno how the story goes but however it does, I'm sure it ends up with the boys roughhousing playfully, getting covered in dirt, and then they have to take a bath where they inevitably roughhouse some more and make a huge mess and get water everywhere <3 the maids hate them for it but they don't care. They wanted to play submarine god damn it.

A cute idea I have is Kaoru never really grew out of those stories. He kinda thinks they're cute and they're very nostalgic. I can easily imagine, on the rare occasion he gets sick by himself in their highschool years and he's in bed resting, he asks Hikaru to tell him a few stories. Hikaru thinks it's childish and embarrassing but he does it anyways bc it makes Kaoru happy, and tbh, he thinks it's fun to. He likes coming up with these funny small stories, he likes creating something that makes his brother laugh. He likes being the reason Kaoru is smiling and having a good time despite feeling miserable and sick, and knowing he did it himself and made something up that was uniquely his... it's so cute. I think Hikaru is pretty good at doing a few different voices, and he uses that to his advantage with story telling. Despite not being a fan of books, Hikaru can create some interesting and fun plots with decent voice acting. Well, I'm sure he watches a ton of movies and shows to make up for it.

(Although, Hikaru having to go to school alone without Kaoru, past and present, is a whole different story. I think as a little kid, he flat out refused to go to school if Kaoru couldn't come with him. And if they forced him anyways he'd throw a tantrum bc he was panicking so bad)

Oh, and not to be That Guy but about a previous scenario we discussed, about Kaoru suffering from severe depression? I already said Hikaru would hang out by his door, talking to nothing for hours by himself because Kaoru wouldn't respond, but he still wanted to be there for him and feel like he's there...imagine if one of those visits, all he does is tell old stories they made up as kids. The ones he'd tell Kaoru when he was sick. The last dinosaur included. And the thing is, he tells them perfectly. His voice is upbeat and theatrical. He does all the voice acting perfectly. He doesn't want his own anxiety and sorrow to show through and ruin the story. He wants Kaoru to have a good time, because at the end of the day, that's why he ever made up these stories and that's why he even tells them: to make Kaoru smile. So, he wants to put in his best effort to do just that. And though Kaoru didn't say anything, he sat close by the door that day just listening, trying to stop himself from getting overworked with emotions. Because Hikaru is clearly trying so hard to cheer him up, even though Kaoru thinks he doesn't deserve it. It's very cute but also really sad...

[vio1315]

Kreig Cecilia and Kusuma

Full Name: Kreig of [snowland country name]Gender and Sexuality: Male, straight (potentially asexual but idk if I’ll ever make that canon)Ethnicity/Species: Human with about 10% harpy blood

Birthplace and Birthdate: In the country I’ve been calling snowland on here. The dating of this place means it’d be like 82X of the fourth era or some crap, so I'mma say he’s like in his 40s or soHaven’t figured out the calendar system beond the years yet though, so I super dunno month/day (not even an equivalent) Fall or winter bday feels okay… maybe even spring….

Guilty Pleasures: Judging people with friends. Like can you envision a bunch of dads with beers talking crap about foreign policy makers or something? Yeah that’s kinda his thing. He sees nothing wrong with it though

Phobias: Oh dude. He’s so tough… hm, I bet he’s like one of those people who couldn’t handle being made useless in some way. If he knew he was losing brain functionality and was gonna end up in a vegetative state, I think he’d ask his son or someone similar to kill him. Probably his wife actually. He trusts her to do it, and do it when the time is right for it

What They Would Be Famous For: He’s a king, so like…. okay but more specifically he’ll be remembered as a very strong leader. Like in 500 years he’ll still be taught about. He has navigated wars and foreign relations with unparalleled skill, and he’ll certainly get credit in finally securing the alliance with [mainland]

What They Would Get Arrested For: Lol, in modern times? Maybe like some visits from CPS, but nothing would come of that. Maybe assault, if I HAD to pick. But I’ll be honest, dude’s goal in life is to be as legalistic as possible, so it’s tough

OC You Ship Them With: I honestly don’t. He’s married to Heiwa, and they kind of hate each other a little, but also respect each other and similar, and I very much enjoy the weirdness that is their relationship. Ship though? No.

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Hmmm… I mean I can think of some villain OCs, but honestly that’s it. As much as Skye and Marth dislike him, they would never hurt him. Not intentionally. I think when they were first married, it could have been Heiwa, but no longer.

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Documentaries, biographies, non fiction type stuff. He’s more likely to go for stuff he can learn practical things from though. Strategies and stuff. He’s a workaholic.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Romance probably annoys him on some level. But anything where the leader character sacrifices themselves for an underling would enrage him. “It’s bad leadership”

Talents and/or Powers: Dude is great with strategy and combat. He’s smart/cunning despite his drawbacks.

Why Someone Might Love Them: He does what’s necessary and doesn’t let Anything distract him from serving his people. He doesn’t shy away from self sacrifice for what he believes is the greater good, and he falls under the ‘a jerk, but he’s right’ very often

Why Someone Might Hate Them: He’s a jerk. His methods often don’t achieve the ends he believes they will, especially in his personal relationships. He’s far too harsh and legalistic, even going beyond what’s necessary

How They Change: Kreig is not a man who changes Much. His biggest change is in the slow shift of how he views his son. As someone who’s worth existing. The fact that this strongly correlates to him physically getting stronger is something of a shame, because really, that’s the smallest portion of what contributes. Though in his own way, he always did care for his son, it just has never and will never be more important than their country.

Why You Love Them: What can I say? He’s got the internal strength of a bear. Dude could saw off his own legs for the sake of his country. There’s something to respect there, especially given he’s not even crazy or anything like most such characters.

Full Name: Cecilia… Ward? (Still deciding last name honestly)Gender and Sexuality: Female, straightEthnicity/Species: Based off an Amazon woman. Dark skinned.Birthplace and Birthdate: In the desert east of mainland, their great enemies. Birthdate is not hugely important. Not even a spoiler to say she’s dead honestly. When she died? Maybe around 27??

Guilty Pleasures: Mm, showing people up probably. Proving someone wrong, that kind of thing. It’s not about being right so much as pulling the rug from under people. This isn’t majorly apparent in her personality, she’s just got a slight chip on her shoulder

Phobias: Word of her wherabouts being sent back home

What They Would Be Famous For: Sadly enough? The fact that she married and had a child with someone of a certain race who is very hated among her people

What They Would Get Arrested For: That marriage if she ever went back to her country, honestly. But by todays standards? Well, could see her getting into a fight and accidentally going a tad too far, even if it was initially self defense. Whoops. But honestly she’s actually very well restrained, but that’s a lot to do with that she moved to a country where people are Extremely racist against her, and she kind of has no choice but to deal

OC You Ship Them With: Leo

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Hmm, of the good guys… uhh? Honestly if she was alive she’d be pretty well liked among those who didn’t care about her race. Which by the time of the story is a lot more people than when she was aroundBut one of the bad guys actually is her murderer so l o lYou know, once upon a time the most likely would have been Dalton (Marth’s dad) honestly?? He’s actuually the least racist dude in general, but man that war was sommething

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Maan, she’d probably enjoy stupid spectacle movies just fine, but in books go for pretty phlisophical stuff. Like if something was 100% allegory and got mildly, but underhandedly preachy? She’d love that actually.But mostly she would enjoy realistic fiction I think, especially involving humble characters or similar.Without realizing it she’d def have her favs be farmer characters who loved their animals type of vibe. You know the vibe.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Hmm… Love triangles, and probably when the strawman comes and pesters the Innocents and so they just gotta beat up the strawman. No other choice

Talents and/or Powers: Has extra strength due to her race. Has some pretty alright skills with a sword, and basic magic knowledge.

Why Someone Might Love Them: Girl takes about as little crap as you can in her situation. She’s fairly prideful but really sticks to what she believes in, even when it hurts her pride. Even when it leads to her living in a foreign country where she’s hated

Why Someone Might Hate Them: Prideful. At the start, her pride and chip on her shoulder nature can especially override her kind nature.

How They Change: Becomes a lot more empathetic and undertsanding. Doesn’t get very caught up in her own life and is able to see people a bit more accurately. Overcomes some of her own racism. Becomes a lot stronger in a more real way which is less defensive.

Why You Love Them: She’s a very prequel kind of character, but I appreciate that she’s a fairly simple and straightforward person. Like she’s not dumb, she just sees no use in complicating things. Though she sees things a bit skewed and biased at times, she learns and grows and will admit to when she’s wrong. But she’ll stand by when she’s right even when she’s the literal only one who is

Full Name: Kusuma RitterGender and Sexuality: Female, straightEthnicity/Species: Also that amazon based race, dark skinned (you know how to pick em)Birthplace and Birthdate: In mainland. Due to the nature of post story, it encompasses a lot of ages. But basically she’s introduced when she’s 12

Guilty Pleasures: Roughhousing, showing how fantastically awesome she is to everyone, or even just one person

Phobias: People breaking into the house

What They Would Be Famous For: Coolest kid on your block. When she’s older? Maybe coolest guard in the district

What They Would Get Arrested For: Assault lol. Resisting arrest would be tacked on

OC You Ship Them With: None, also due to the nature of post story. Honestly if I did ship her, it’d probs end up being with Soren, but they’re like adoptive siblings, so I try to just let them be siblings (it’s better that way)

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Soren lol, at least when they first meet. Racism isn’t fixed yet me boyos.

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Action. No doubt. Bring on the one liners.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Hmm… honestly romance sub plots in general. She hates when cool action stuff has to come to a halt to develop (or more likely fail to develop, but still force awkward scenes) a relationship.She doesn’t hate romance per se, just in these moments especially

Talents and/or Powers: Bonus strength, decent with sword (as much as a 12 year old can be)

Why Someone Might Love Them: Honestly she’s just a cool 12 year old. Half of what sh says and does wouldn’t be out of place with sunglasses. But she’s also a protective older sister. Catch her using her free time to help with baby care

Why Someone Might Hate Them: She’s a bit obnoxious at times. A bit self important and cocky. It can be a bit clear to older peeps that she’s hiding some insecurities. She can hold a grudge and be Too blunt at times, lashing out in frustration when she has to deal with Soren at first (racism right back ya heck)

How They Change: Forgets any of those racist ideas she had, because Soren’s a weirdo, but he’s not evil. Becomes a bit more secure, so her defensive bluntness goes down, though her sarcasm goes way up. Her empathy and general love of people increases, though she also just develops better EQ in general. She can sense when people are eying her funny or talking behind her back, though she never lets it get to her. Honestly she just becomes the picture of confidence. Kinda Flynn Rider acting?? But legit.Why You Love Them: She’s pretty mature for her age despite it all. She steps up when things need doing without hesitation, but all while maintaining her attitude. Despite what happened to her, she never seems super traumatized or any such thing. It’s a bit hidden, but a lot just comes from how she deals with things too. She tends to work through her problems in an actually healthy way without tons of guiddance, though she ends up really thriving with it. But honestly she’s just sassy without being too blind to where peoples lines are, so stops herself short of being annoying with it. A good girl

[merlinficreview]

Broken Chemistry (part six)

Oh boy, more of this. On the bright side, we make it past the halfway point of the story with this review, which means this will all be over eventually. All right, enough stalling. Let’s do this.

This chapter opens to our boys being the best of platonic friends by spooning on Merlin’s bed for no apparent reason: “Arthur’s body tightened around [Merlin], pressing him into the mattress much as he had when Merlin had to wake him up for their flight.” Just best buddy bro pals, guys. Happens all the time. Nothing to see here.

Seriously, though, these two need to just start fucking and get it over with already. This insistence on just being friends even though they obviously want to shove their hands down each other’s pants got old real fast. It’s not sexual tension at this point; it’s just annoying.

It turns out that Arthur never went to bed last night because daddy dearest found out that he was AWOL and I guess chewed him out over the phone or something. Merlin bitches at Arthur for coming into his room to sleep there instead of going to his own room (I agree, Merlin, this is bullshit on Arthur’s part), and Arthur shuts him up by putting his hand over Merlin’s mouth before promptly falling asleep. It’s juvenile and shows a complete disregard for Merlin’s personal space, which is typical Arthur in this fic, I guess. Merlin gives it up as a lost cause and goes back to sleep himself.

They wake up to Merlin’s phone going off and both of them roll off the bed. For comedy reasons, I guess. Turns out they slept through the entire morning (don’t they have work to do for this bullshit internship?) and Gwaine is the one calling. Arthur wanders away mad to go get dressed, and Merlin answers the phone to get the following greeting: “MERLIN! Have you been thoroughly ravished, yet?”

…okay. Gwaine puts Merlin on speaker phone so he can talk to Lancel and Morgana, who are also there. They briefly joke about Arthur and Merlin sleeping together before moving on to other topics, like how the internship is going (it apparently hasn’t started yet, which is stupid, since they had their orientation thing already) and Gwaine’s video that he’s making for some reason (I guess that’s why he was filming them getting ready before that last party? I don’t know or care).

Merlin tells them about the apartment before talk turns to the lovely Freya and Mithian. Gwaine gets cartoonishly upset (allcaps and all) about Arthur leading Merlin on or something before Morgana shuts him up and Merlin starts talking about Arthur’s little sleepover on Merlin’s bed. Him flopping all over Merlin is apparently some sort of big breakthrough according to Lancel, because “As long as he and Gwen were together, she never managed to break through his armor. Instead of seeking an outlet or venting, he bottled it up. It seems you’ve found a way in.” Guys, I don’t think Arthur being overly physical with Merlin for no good reason means that he’s showing vulnerability. I think it just means he’s a dick with no sense of Merlin’s personal space, and Merlin is too much of a pushover to do anything about it.

Arthur comes back, and he chats with the group while Merlin goes and gets ready for the day himself, including this: “Merlin sniffed his own shirt, and left it, as well as Arthur’s scent, on his body.”

Gross. Nothing about body odor is cute, and keeping on the shirt you slept in because it smells like your boyfriend’s B.O. is nasty. He goes to the kitchen to get started on making “their midday breakfast” which honestly confused me for a moment when I read it because Merlin specifically says earlier in this chapter that he and Arthur got up at two. 2pm is not midday. That’s squarely in the “afternoon” category. Midday to me is noon, maybe stretching an hour in either direction. This is probably nitpicky on my part, but whatever. Confusing shit is still confusing.

And speaking of confusing, we get some really strange dialogue following this, and I keep getting the impression that these people are just talking at each other rather than with each other:

“’Oh shut it! Merlin, keep your eyes on him. One minute he’s boiling water and the next the fireman’s asking how he managed to burn water.’

His giggles caught when Arthur yanked him against his body to be in the frame. He blushed against the smirks his friends cast them. ’My smoothies will always be better than yours, sister,’ Arthur shot back.

Morgana tossed her hair over her shoulder. ‘Yes, because it takes such brilliance to pulverize fruit. I thought you were a chemist?’

Merlin provided, ‘His chemistry’s fine. It’s the art of cooking he can’t fathom.’

Arthur shook his head in resignation. ‘Fortunately I have a residential artist.’ Merlin’s shoulder lifted as Arthur hugged him closer.”

I don’t know if it’s just me, but most of the dialogue in this feels so disjointed. I guess this is supposed to be witty banter, but it just feels awkward and like these characters are barely on the same wavelength.

Their thoughts hardly connect and it feels more like they’re talking to themselves rather than another person. And Arthur is really into smoothies, I guess, because that’s really the only food he talks about besides steak in this fic. It’s quite annoying. I also don’t understand why Morgana is calling Arthur a chemist here. I thought Merlin was the bullshit chemist for this stupid trip along with Freya. And regardless of whether she’s referring to Arthur or Merlin as the “chemist,” taking one chemistry class where you do no actual chemistry does not a chemist make, sorry. I also thought this was a phone call, not skype or some other form of video call, which I assumed was why they kept talking about putting people on speaker. You don’t put video calls on speaker. I have no idea how Gwaine, Morgana, and Lancel can see Merlin and Arthur, which is why Arthur’s manhandling of Merlin in this scene is more uncomfortable than usual. There’s no “frame” for Merlin to be in, so there’s no reason for Merlin and Arthur to be super close like this. Were they facetiming this whole time? I’m so confused.

Anyway, everyone says their goodbyes and since Arthur and Merlin have nothing better to do with their time because this whole internship thing is just an excuse for these two to take a vacation together, they decide to go to the beach. Arthur makes smoothies (of course), and we get treated to some more digging around in the thesaurus from SCD07 because when Arthur gets all of whatever ingredients he’s using for smoothies into the blender, “They both grimaced at the onslaught of cacophony the device caused.” That’s not how you use those words, dear. That sentence makes no sense whatsoever.

Arthur gets upset that Merlin isn’t wearing shorts to the beach for some reason, so he rummages around in Merlin’s underwear until he finds a pair of briefs and a pair of boxers, telling Merlin to wear the briefs as underwear and the boxers as shorts. He doesn’t need you dictating what he wears, Arthur. It’s not like someone will die because he’s wearing jeans. And this kind of controlling behavior? Not cute. At all. Merlin feels self-conscious around Arthur once his legs are bare because Arthur’s all tan and buff while Merlin is all pale and skinny and delicate (ugh). They put on sunscreen: “it took Merlin several minutes just to rub it into one leg well enough so he didn’t look like a tribal painted figure.” Not the best word choice there. Between that, the all black people look the same bit, and the implication that Merlin could only have eaten lotus roots while visiting Asia in previous chapters (because where else would one eat such strange, ~exotic~ food?), we’re not doing so hot on the whole race and stereotyping thing. Might want to work on that.

Merlin decides to keep his shirt on, which makes Arthur curious about those scars again. Just leave it alone, dude. He’ll tell you about it when he’s ready. Arthur gets lost in the lull of the beach and doesn’t realize Merlin has wandered off until he tries to get Merlin to eat some of the food they brought along. Merlin apparently only drank his smoothie before calling it quits. Sigh. Pretty much everything having to do with food in this fic really makes me uncomfortable because Merlin continually refuses to eat much of anything, and when he gives a reason for it, it’s either bullshit (mono) or an excuse that sounds like it came straight from a list of warning signs for an eating disorder. It’s really frustrating because it’s just written off like it’s nothing, kind of like how Arthur’s abusive behavior is written off or romanticized. They decide to leave the beach so Merlin can get cooking, which makes no sense because they just ate (well, Arthur did), but whatever, I’ll roll with it.

There’s a scene with them prepping food (steaks again, it seems), and Merlin’s apparent shortness is emphasized while they talk. This bothers me too, mostly because it’s a common trope in Merlin fandom, usually done to feminize Merlin. In the show, he’s just as tall if not slightly taller than Arthur. In fandom, he’s short and delicate so big, buff, tall, manly man Arthur can rescue little feminine Merlin from the evils of the world. Ugh, spare me.

Merlin puts pepper infused oil on Arthur’s lip for some reason, which causes Arthur to drink milk directly from the carton (gross, please don’t do this) and pinch Merlin in the side. Guess what, Merlin is ticklish! They chase each other around like children until Arthur manages to catch Merlin and pin him down. Their roughhousing gets interrupted by a knock at the door. Arthur finds a mysterious “lightning burst” scar on Merlin’s back and is curious again, but says nothing about it. The knock was from Mithian and Freya, who were curious about the racket Arthur and Merlin were making. The girls are of course invited over for dinner, and they rave about Merlin’s cooking. Got to remind us that he’s amazing at everything, in case you forgot for a second. They all decide to go clubbing that evening, because young people apparently do nothing else for fun, but they want to walk the boardwalk before sundown first.

We find out that Arthur doesn’t like having his photo taken, but Merlin snaps a secret shot of him anyway because of course he does. They get to the club and get drinks (I think? The way it’s worded is strange), before Mithian and Merlin leave to go dance together, leaving Arthur and Freya alone at their table. Freya gets tired right away (talking to Arthur would put me to sleep too, Freya), and Arthur gets up to go find Merlin and Mithian so they can leave. He finds them in a corner, and Arthur can’t believe his eyes: “Merlin, the skinny, gangly, stubborn yet fragile Merlin was dancing as if…well, he was dancing like he was at a club, only he looked as if he was paid to encourage better dance skills just by being present.” We get it. Merlin is great at everything, including cooking, dancing, singing, art, whatever. Let’s move on from this. Please.

Merlin and Mithian get knocked around by another dancer, and Arthur comes to save the day with his big buff self, and they all leave. The girls go home, and Arthur starts a fight with Merlin about dancing with Mithian because he’s a jealous douche who can’t stand to see Merlin having fun with anyone but him. He also says Merlin dances “like a fairy” and I’m honestly not sure if he means the creature

or the slur for gay men. Either way, yikes. Not the best word choice.

Merlin says that he would’ve said yes to Arthur if he’d been the one to ask him to dance, to which Arthur replies, “Kings do not dance with fairies, Merlin.” …okay? Not really sure what the hell that means. Let’s sum this little interaction and what it means in terms of Arthur and Merlin’s relationship up, though, shall we? Merlin’s friends are all Arthur’s friends. He doesn’t appear to have any others besides Will, whom we do not speak of, and now Mithian and Freya, with whom he never interacts without Arthur’s presence. Hmm, social isolation is not a good start. Arthur has started to dictate what Merlin can wear (and often what he eats as well), he has no sense of Merlin’s personal space and manhandles him at every opportunity, and he gets jealous when Merlin goes and has a good time without him around. He also degrades him all the time by calling him names and has shown that he has no problem getting physical with Merlin when he’s mad. Not exactly a healthy, loving relationship when put in simple terms like that, is it? Stop romanticizing abuse, authors. It’s fucking disgusting.

Chapter 15

Merlin wakes up to Arthur’s “cacophonous attempts of making breakfast.” At least the word is used correctly this time. Merlin drags himself out of bed to help Arthur make coffee: “’Coffee beans. Water. Button,’ Merlin narrated groggily. And with more than a modicum of annoyance. ‘I hardly drink coffee and I know this.’” Um, you forgot the filter, which is really important with a coffee machine. Might not want to put down someone using the machine incorrectly when you’re giving them wrong instructions. It appears that Merlin and Arthur have not had time to hang out since the clubbing thing because their schedules don’t match up, but Arthur has no problem waking Merlin up each morning and forcing Merlin to make breakfast for him. Sounds just lovely.

But other than that, Merlin is having a great time. He works in a lab and with a graphic team, both of which provide him with free food, the former in the form of doughnuts and the latter in the form of “euros.” I’m assuming they meant gyros, because that is what is described, and a euro is a form of currency used throughout the European Union. SCD07 would surely have known this if they were British, which makes the Britishisms in this story just that much more annoying.

Arthur asks Merlin if he’s started packing for their little camping trip that weekend, and Merlin says he was planning on picking up rental equipment that afternoon. What equipment is he going to rent? Why “A tent, sleeping bag, a mat, a water canteen, filters, boots, a backpack to carry it all…” Yeah, that’s not a thing. You can definitely rent camping equipment, but that’s going to be limited to things like tents, sleeping bags, and backpacks. Not boots and canteens and whatnot. I have no idea what it is like in countries outside the US, however, but I would assume that stores that sell camping equipment are not going to have shoes for rent like a bowling alley.

Merlin goes back to bed, leaving Arthur to make his own breakfast. When he gets up a while later, Arthur has left to go do whatever bullshit thing he does for this internship, and he has left the burnt remains of his eggs in the trash as well as the dirty pan for Merlin to clean. What an asshole roommate. Merlin makes “a sandwich, fruit, and a small smoothie to conceal a couple servings of vegetables” for Arthur like he’s a fucking child. And the smoothie thing is annoying me. Not every meal calls for a smoothie. Stop.

Merlin does some bullshit science: “His hours in the laboratory went by quickly since it was a series of preparations that would essentially become a waiting game for chemicals to mix, machines to process, and results to quantify.” That makes no sense and sounds boring as fuck to boot, which should make the day go by slower, not faster. Just what the hell are these people even doing? Chemicals to mix? Machines to process? Results to quantify? What does that even mean? And what about that panther epidemic Freya was going on about when we first met her? Does what they’re doing here somehow pertain to that? What does any of this have to do with anything? I hate all of the pretend science done in this fic. It’s all so terribly wrong and makes my brain hurt.

Merlin then goes to join his graphics buddies, and he orders an extra gyro, which is spelled correctly this time. But never fear, it’s called a euro again a few paragraphs later when Merlin comes home to find Arthur bitching about the size of the tent Merlin rented. At least be consistent with your wrongness like you are with the science stuff. Own it.

Arthur says that he’ll carry Merlin’s sleeping bag, but Merlin says that he can do it, especially since Arthur will be carrying their tent. Arthur replies, “You’re right. You are stronger than you look.” Kind of a backhanded compliment there. Merlin brushes the comment off as nothing and goes to get ready for bed. He brushes his teeth in the shower (weird), and is a little annoyed that he has to leave his glasses off. But not to worry, “everything was easy to feel for.” Remember how cartoonishly blind Merlin is? Y’know, how he can’t see anything without his glasses and has to feel for everything without them even though that’s not how eyesight works? Yeah, this fic won’t let you forget it.

Merlin starts to feel himself up, and we get a very distressing picture of Merlin’s body:

“His hands ran through his hair, helping the conditioner along until his fingertips settled on the ridge of a vertebra on his nape. The pads of his fingers wandered lower, feeling other ridges as his spine standing between his shoulder blades, which sat like awkwardly small wings. It was one thing seeing himself in a mirror, but feeling his frame without the forewarning of sight was a different experience entirely. He could count his ribs with minimal pressure against his skin, and even tuck his fingertips underneath the cage of each lung.

His hipbones practically rose up to meet his touch, and Merlin caught himself wondering, Would Arthur like that?”

Yikes. Get this kid some help immediately. This description (and more following it that I didn’t include here) honestly reads like a concentration camp survivor. This is not okay in any sense.

After that disturbing read, Merlin heads off to bed, and he starts imagining Arthur coming into his room and sexing him up. It’s a bit awkward because a lot of it is written as though Arthur is actually in the room with Merlin, and shit gets confusing. Merlin gets off on the fantasy and gets embarrassed about it the next day, refusing to meet anyone’s eye. The interns and I guess the internship coordinator get on the tram and they all head to wherever this camp thing is supposed to be. Everyone is incompetent, Arthur remarks about it, and Merlin makes a jibe at the way Arthur does yoga, to which Arthur angrily replies, “How dare you! You couldn’t even see!” Ah, yes. Because we must be reminded at every turn just how blind Merlin is, and you know how much I love that.

They pitch their tents, and we find out that Arthur’s huge sleeping bag is supposed to fit two people. He’d gotten it because he’d always wanted to go camping with Gwen or something along those lines. Awkward. Merlin wanders away from camp to go see the nearby lake. Arthur later finds him and joins him, bringing along some really gross sounding candies he’d gotten from the other campers for helping them pitch their tents (seriously, chocolate, cherry, and coconut all together? Disgusting).

They start to small talk about how their first week of internship went, and Arthur gets upset because Merlin is pretending to be happy (I’d wager that’s because he’s afraid of you, jackass). He pesters Merlin into telling him why he’s sad, and we get the following exchange:

“’I don’t know,’ he admitted. His eyes lifted to gaze out over the lake, the encircling trees… ‘It’s beautiful here, but it’s lonely.’ He shrugged. ‘It makes me feel sad in a nostalgic way.’

Merlin felt Arthur’s hand gently palm his cranium as he said, ‘Wow. You’ve got a lot going on in there, don’t you?’

‘Don’t tease me,’ Merlin whined quietly.

‘I’m not,’ Arthur assured, ‘but it may be possible that you think too much.’

A sharp breath exhaled from his nose. ‘Yeah, well there’s a pill for that, but I don’t take it.’

‘Good,’ Arthur surprised him. His hand slid down Merlin’s scalp to rest on his shoulder. ‘It would make you dull,’ he warned.”

Urgh, fuck you, story. We get it! You hate psych meds and think the people who take them are shit. Thanks. Stop it. I get enough of that crap from people in real life; I don’t need it in my garbage online fiction too. Also, it’s very obvious you pulled out your thesaurus again for this little exchange, SCD07. You do not need to replace the word “said” every time you have a tag in your dialogue. It actually can make your writing seem even more juvenile and stilted, and this is a big problem throughout this fic. One of Juliet’s pet peeves when reading this fic for the first time was actually the use of the word “sassed” in place of “said.” All of the dialogue tags in this fic are really annoying.

It seems that food is still provided for these lucky bastards as they get chicken skewers and stuff to make smores from the event coordinator on their way back to their tent. Must be nice. They sit around with a group of their neighbors and play ukulele music until it’s time for bed like the dirty hipsters they are.

Merlin has trouble getting to sleep (for some reason these weirdos brought pillows with them, and he wonders if he should have brought more; good luck fitting all that shit in a backpack), and it starts to get cold. The two of them of course share Arthur’s sleeping bag built for two, because why wouldn’t they? It’s too convenient a plot device not to use. The two end up spooning as they always do. Arthur sniffs Merlin’s hair before he realizes that the sounds he’s hearing outside their tent are from a bear or some other sort of animal rummaging around the campsite. It turns out to be foxes, and the chipper coordinator tries to scare them away by yelling (I think? I rarely know what’s happening in these scenes due to poor staging), and the foxes rush into Arthur and Merlin’s tent before then scampering away into the woods. That totally happened. Sure.

The author’s note at the end explains the whole “euro” thing from earlier, by the way: “In case you’re confused, by ‘euro,’ I mean the Mediterranean sandwich, not the currency, haha. ‘Gyro’ and ‘euro’ are synonymous.” Um, no, they’re not. Even googling “euro sandwich” only gets me “did you mean ‘gyro sandwich’” results and pictures like this:

They’re not the same thing. One is currency and the other is food. Try again.

Chapter 16

This chapter is thankfully much shorter than the previous ones. For some reason, there is a time jump and we’re no longer in the woods. How do I know? Only because Mithian stops by, and she didn’t come along on the little camping trip. Might be nice to let us know where the characters are instead of just telling us that “Merlin set aside Sunday to work on his graphic art projects, and Arthur was preoccupied with preparations for a debate competition later in the month,” which makes me think that they packed even more unnecessary junk for that trip than what was already stated. Excellent. Also, debate competition? For an internship? What? But wait, the next few lines still place them in the woods because it talks about them hiking back. Nothing makes sense! Just tell me where these two assholes are, so I can picture the scenes you’re trying to set up, for christ’s sake.

Whatever. So the two of them make it back to their apartment and fall back into a routine. Arthur leaves for whatever the hell it is that he does in the morning, and Merlin makes him lunch before he leaves for the day to do whatever the hell it is that he does “since he suspected the man wouldn’t eat otherwise.” That’s rich, coming from you, Merlin. Work on your own eating issues before you try and fix someone else’s.

They have some downtime together at some point (the weekend? I’m honestly not sure when anything happens in this stupid fic anymore), and Arthur wants his Christmas gift from Merlin. Pretty presumptuous of him considering Merlin has never mentioned having a present for Arthur. You’re not entitled to gifts from your friends, Arthur. But hey, Merlin actually has a present for him, and it turns out to be a massive sweatshirt: “almost more like a large, long-sleeve shirt, but along the cuffs and collar were golden threads forming a triangular design. It was surprisingly not gaudy.” Ha, nothing you say can convince me that that shit is anything but gaudy. Merlin also did the stitching. Of course. Because he’s great at making clothes, if you remember. Just like how he’s good at everything else. Just like the proper Mary Sue he is.

Arthur’s kind of bitchy about the gift and is a bit upset that Merlin doesn’t wear the scarf Arthur gave him. Merlin puts it on out of spite and says that he was planning on wearing it for Christmas, which is three days away. Merlin is going out for dinner, drinks, and dancing with Mithian and Freya and he invites Arthur along. Hope you’re not planning on doing that on Christmas Day, guys. Unless you want to go eat at IHOP and dance in the parking lot, I guess.

You do you.

Time skip to whenever it is that they decide to go out: “The restaurant above the club proved to be delicious and shockingly upscale for the shenanigans that ensued below. Their table stood near an aquarium featuring blue lobsters scuttling beneath angel fist (I love this typo) and puffer fish. Another surprise came in the complimentary appetizer set down by the waitress: seasoned potatoes, cut julienne as well as circular.” There are so many things that could be said about this little passage. You can’t have a tank of blue lobsters; those are exceptionally rare. Think one in every two million lobsters rare. Not going to just have a tank of them sitting around, especially if said tank is in a restaurant and not an aquarium. Also, highly unlikely that you are going to have those three fish together in one tank, especially at a restaurant. They sound exotic, but it’s not really something I see happening realistically unless you put in a lot of unnecessary effort. If they have lobsters in a tank at a restaurant, I would assume they’re for eating, not looking at, so keeping them in the same tank with your decorative fish probably isn’t the best idea.

Also, I have heard of no restaurant, no matter how fancy, that gives you a “complimentary appetizer.” Bread? Sure. Fries/chips? Haha, no. Gotta pay for that shit. And that’s not exactly a fancy appetizer anyway. Speaking of chips, it’s a good thing SCD07 decided to cover her ass with the whole circular potato bit, because Mithian calls this appetizer chips, and that word could encompass either of the potatoes described, depending on whether you are American or a Brit. I can’t completely call Anglophilia on this one, but I suspect it’s still an attempt at a Britishism to make this story seem less American. Not working.

Merlin actually has wine with his meal (shocking, I know), and everyone here is a cheap date because they’re all feeling a buzz after one drink (of wine or beer). Sure thing. I really am beginning to feel like an alcoholic while reading this fic, both because of the weird way alcohol is treated in this story and because of how much it makes me want to drink.

Arthur takes Freya home while Merlin and Mithian start to dance at the club. When Arthur comes back, Merlin goes over to make him stop being a wallflower and dance with them. Arthur’s response to this? “I’m not a fairy, Merlin.” I’m again unsure if Arthur is talking the mythical creature or the slur. Still uncomfortable. Merlin says, “If anything, I’m a sorcerer. Get off your ass, and dance with me.” Nice reference to the show, I guess, but that makes no sense in context. The dialogue in this story is seriously terrible. Nothing flows in a natural way, so it doesn’t seem like the “banter” is anything but people just saying unrelated things to one another and somehow thinking it’s witty. Protip: it’s not. It’s just confusing and annoying.

Mithian wanders off with some random guy, leaving our boys alone with each other. They dance and get knocked around so they’re super close together, sexual tension, blah, blah, blah.

Guffawing.

(Just when you think it’s gone, it comes back and rears its ugly head.)

They leave the club, and Arthur thanks Merlin for making him get up and dance. He then says that the dude Mithian went home with was really watching Merlin (creepy, also no, he probably wasn’t; stop being jealous over absolutely nothing, Arthur). Merlin says, “Well my eyes tend to be elsewhere,” and he plants a big, unexpected kiss on Arthur.

And here, folks, is where we get not another make out scene between these two like we had however many chapters ago. No, we get a big old cliché gay panic from Arthur:

“’What the hell was THAT?’ he bellowed, and wiped his mouth.

‘I-I-I thought…’ Merlin stammered. His eyes were pulled wherever that hand went, his kiss no longer on Arthur’s lips, and perhaps never was.

‘Thought WHAT?’ Arthur demanded. ‘I’m not GAY, MERLIN!’

‘No, b-but you’re…’ Merlin stammered. At the expectant, appalled expression in Arthur’s eyes, he barely finished his sentence in an audible tone. ‘You’re bisexual…’

Arthur visibly paled and reared back from Merlin as if he’d just turned inside out. ‘I’m what?’ he demanded. ‘Why would you possibly think that?’”

I hate this sort of scene in fic, and it happens all the fucking time. In this fic, it’s especially insulting because Arthur will not keep his fucking hands off of Merlin. Uther, Arthur’s ultra homophobic father, even said that Arthur has a crush on Merlin. It’s so stupid. Arthur has shown nothing so far about him being ashamed of or in denial about being bisexual except Merlin bemoaning him only kissing guys while “drunk.” Please.

This reaction is out of nowhere and done solely to create tension between these two and the unnecessary drama it entails, because now they have to live out the rest of their little vacation together with the elephant in the room of Merlin wanting to sex Arthur up. Also, this over the top anger? This is why he’s fucking afraid of you, dude. I hate that I have yet to run out of red flags for abuse here, but Arthur just continues to show himself as an abusive, controlling asshole.

Ready for more bullshit from Arthur? Because this little scene is far from over:

“Merlin frowned, answering honestly, ‘The others said…and you’ve been flirting with me…’

Arthur recoiled. I was being nice, Merlin! That isn’t an invitation to stick your tongue down my throat!’”

What about you putting your hands all over him? Coming into his room at night on more than one occasion and spooning him without reason? What about your jealousy at Merlin getting attention from other people? What about these things, Arthur?

“Old embers sparked in Merlin’s belly. ‘I didn’t! You’re only reacting like this because I’m right!’

Blue flames flickering in Arthur’s eyes and every fiber in Merlin’s body told him to cower and run, but he didn’t. He stoked them. ‘You can’t honestly tell me everything that’s happened over the last two weeks isn’t flirting, Arthur! Even before then! We’ve slept in the same bed three times! You follow me around like I might break!’”

See? Even Merlin knows you’re full of shit, Arthur, and he’s so dickmatized by you that he forgives all the crap you put him through.

“Arthur stepped toe to toe with him. ‘BECAUSE YOU NEVER CALL FOR HELP! For fucking Christ, Merlin! My uncle nearly raped you! And you never said a word about it!’”

Yeah, and you had no right to know about said sexual assault, asshole. Because you went behind his back and obtained video footage of it simply because he was “acting weird.” Fuck you.

Throughout all of this, that weird, nasty internal dialogue that Merlin sometimes has crops up. It at least kind of makes sense here because there seems to be a counterpoint in it towards the end that implies that someone said these things to Merlin at some point and he internalized it. Or something along those lines. I might be looking too hard into it.

Merlin blurts out that he’d already been raped, which is why he said nothing about Agravaine. Arthur is pissed that Merlin tells him this, because “What am I supposed to do with that information?” I don’t know, not be a dick? Maybe? That’s probably asking too much from you, though, Arthur.

Merlin says that he thought Arthur liked him back (everyone thought this, so you’re not in the wrong here, Merlin) and that he was finally ready (for a relationship? Sex? Not sure there). Arthur is still angry and continues yelling at Merlin, this time for not telling him that Merlin was into dudes, especially since he was out on a date tonight with a woman (Mithian). How Arthur is this fucking oblivious, I have no clue. I’m especially annoyed by this because he brought up no objections to Mithian leaving with that dude from the club, nor did he offer consolation to Merlin for losing what Arthur apparently thought was his girl because Arthur was too busy being a jealous, controlling douche. What a shitty ass friend. Find someone better, Merlin. I hate you, but you deserve way better than this dick.

Merlin finally starts getting well and truly mad here and yells back at Arthur that he’s an idiot for not seeing that Merlin is gay, particularly since even Arthur’s father knows about it. Arthur makes like he’s going to hit Merlin before yelling at him more, this time about his father. I don’t…how is he the romantic interest? How? Why do people romanticize abuse like this and think it’s okay? This is especially heinous after that scene a few chapters back where Arthur got all upset about Merlin having been hit before.

Arthur finally starts to back down out of his anger a bit, but he’s still an asshole of epic proportions:

“’Even if…Even if I…’ Arthur sputtered, as if he couldn’t bring himself to admit it. ‘Even if! It can’t happen! It won’t ever happen! Don’t misinterpret this, Merlin! I thought I knew you and now you’re a stranger to me. If I can’t trust you…then I don’t want you. You’re worthless to me.’

It’s disgusting. What does that make you? The sooner you learn that, the better.

Suddenly, Merlin’s voice wasn’t a yell, and compared to Arthur’s temper, it was a whisper. ‘You don’t have to return my feelings…’ he uttered, no longer able to feel his limbs. Everything was cold. ‘But I expected something…something else.’

Arthur’s anger paused to reveal confusion. ‘What?’

‘I didn’t expect to hear Uther, not Arthur…but he’s trained you well.’”

Yeah, should have seen that coming. So damn dramatic, but true in this case.

Merlin tells Arthur that Uther told him to stay away from Arthur, and Arthur gets mad at him again, saying, “You were both out of line.” Not really, though? Everyone saw Arthur’s actions toward Merlin; it was so fucking obvious that he was pining after him that even his bigot father told Arthur’s crush to keep away from him. Uther wanted to keep his son straight or whatever, and Merlin was acting on all of the signs Arthur was giving him. This entire thing is so painfully stupid and unnecessary. By the way, I forgot to mention this earlier, but did you know that it’s raining in this scene? Gotta make this as dramatic and ridiculous as possible.

Merlin starts sobbing, and Arthur walks away from him into their apartment. Merlin follows him inside but goes to the bathroom to sit under the shower, clothes and all, and be dramatic about the whole thing.

Just give up on him, Merlin. You’re better than that.

Until next time.

[drink-n-watch]

Guys, have I told you how lucky I am to work with Crow? He is always supporting and incisive. I can count on him and it’s a big deal. For instance, I am way late with this review. I’ve been burning the candle at every possible end and then some, so after I watched Demon Slayer yesterday, I dashed out the door got back late in the evening and just collapsed without putting my end of the post together. I do that a lot. Crow has never so much as grumbled if anything he wants to know if I had fun and is genuinely happy for me when I did.

  I’m not blushing at all. No sir. Not one little bit!

And it’s not just me. He goes out of his way to shout out other blogs in his episode reviews. That’s a lot of work, believe me! He’s always happy to answer questions and help other bloggers out and to this day, I have never seen him ask for anything in return.

No, you didn’t accidentally stumble onto my Crow appreciation post. I have a point, and it’s this: having a social support system with people who honestly care about you and want your happiness changes everything, as we learned in this week’s Demon Slayer!

And she brought it home! Swoosh!

I’m impressed! It’s thematically perfect. And you’re right — social support is important. As far as this episode goes, I’m dying to talk about the “family” and my new favorite character Shinobu (but I don’t want to say it too loudly for fear of offending her…), but I think it’s best we follow the forms.

So, I’m bold his week and there will be spoilers. I know, saying that is repetitive, but I’d really hate to spoil something without warning someone first!

So this week was the long-expected conclusion to the Spider Forest arc. Or at least I assume. And although I knew (we all knew) that this is what was going to happen (i.e. Demon Slayers rool, demons drool – now let’s get outta here), I personally didn’t expect it to happen quite this way! How about your Crow?

I think it’s safe to say what happened took me by surprise. Now, part of it I probably could have guessed, but even that part had a Demon Slayer spin on it. While last week was all about spectacle, this week was all about playing with expectations. 

I was both exhausted and exhilarated to see Rui get back up. The fight had already lasted a while and was so visceral and punishing that I wasn’t sure if I could take more. But at the same time, I love that Rui is a genuine threat, one that Tanjrou may not be able to deal with yet, no matter how hard she tries.

I had expected Giyuu ex Machina last week, I had to admit Rui’s revival had me so surprised I almost forgot about Giyuu. Almost, not completely, the boy is kind of unforgettable. 

The fight was great as usual, but you know what I got out of it? “Giyuu is unreachable”. That’s how Rui put it as his threads were being blown away the second they got close. I think this will be a metaphor that comes back. Giyuu’s strength and calm have built an impenetrable wall around him and he is alone now. We’ll see if Tanjirou can change that. Any thoughts on this awesome fight or the foreshadowing?

First, did you see Rui use webbing to pick up and reattach his head? That was creepy and effective! 

I remember thinking why isn’t the body disintegrating and then….

You know, when Rui explained that he’d cut his own head off to prevent Tanjiro from doing so, I almost felt cheated. Part of the exhilaration last week was a product of Tanjiro and Nezuko working together to take down an unstoppable foe. Learning they’d actually failed hurt. 

But as soon as Giyuu announced he was about to use Total Concentration, Water Breathing, Eleventh Form, Dead Calm, I was as surprised as Tanjirou. And I forgot all about my disappointment.

I think your point about Giyuu is insightful. Nothing gets to him; nonone can touch him. In a way, he’s the perfect antithesis of Tanjirou in that the latter’s in this for his family, whereas (as far as we know), Giyuu is alone. Now that you’re mentioned it, I’m really interested to see where this goes!

ven though Giyuu made very quick work of the situation, a demon never goes gown that quickly, and we finally got an explanation of what’s been happening here through Rui’s extended backstory, and boy was it sad.

Oh sheesh, pretend I said this at the beginning of the post: THERE WILL BE SPOILERS. LOTS AND LOTS OF SOILERS!

I got you covered!

See what I mean, you can count on this guy!

Rui is incredibly strong and somehow got permission to spread his blood, something usually taboo among Demons. Rui’s blood is so strong in fact that it can transform demons that take it in, in Rui’s likeness. Although it’s an imperfect and impermanent transformation. It also grants these demons exceptional powers they did not have before. That is what Rui’s family is. Just a collection of random demons Rui took in. That’s why instead of names they have functions such as Big Brother or Mother. 

None of them care about Rui or each other really. And Rui, having lost all memory of his human life, was forcing this charade because he felt the need to recapture something. Although he didn’t really know what anymore. One thing is for sure, he did not manage to create a family.

I think one of the scenes that hit me most was seeing mother revert back to her true form. As a seemingly very young demon. Believing her to be a lost woman in an abusive relationship with “father” was one thing, knowing that she’s a random little girl demon forced into this bizarre play is a completely different type of nightmare. One I’m less familiar with so it makes it scary. One that could potentially still encompass the other as well. How about you Crow, what were your takeaways from Rui’s home life (they use to be a very large family I notice…)

Seeing them all sit around the table for a family “dinner” was surreal. The utensils were cracked and broken. There was no food. Just a fandom collection of demons, united in fear of Rui, taking on the form of the family with none of its substance. 

What really drove home Rui’s deranged state was how, as you pointed out, we started out with a pretty large family — but by the current timeline in the story, there weren’t many left. And they weren’t killed by Demon Slayers! Kumo Oni Ane (sister) betray another family member, just to show her worth to Rui, was both horrifying and understandable. Rui tortured the other sister, then tied her to the top of the house facing east. Seeing the betrayed sister begin to cry as the morning sun struck her and turned her to ash kinda summed up everything wrong with Rui’s delusion. 

In the tail end of the episode, we catch up with Big Sister, now alone and the super scary butterfly demon slayer lady. I have to admit the butterfly kimono design sure works well in movement. Good collaboration between character design and animation there. That fight (like most demon slayer fights) was delightful to watch.

And butterflies are often carrion creatures that feed on corpses. This weird overlay of fragility, beauty and grim appetite somehow personifies the character well.

A lot of people think that the girl is a demon. I can see why. They are probably right. A tiny part of me is wishing that she isn’t. She isn’t strong enough to decapitate a demon for one. That’s unusual as we have seen demons always have greatly increased physical strength. But maybe this case is special. She also doesn’t seem to sense other demons… Something is off about that girl. I’m not saying she’s human, that may be even weirder but I’m thinking she may be a hybrid or a “something else”.

Maybe it’s just me, but I think Shinobu stole the show! Sure, Giyuu was his normal awesome and cool self. But Shinobu… When she pinned Kumo Oni Ane to the ground and asked her how many people the demon had killed, she already knew the answer. She was just giving the poor demon enough rope to hang herself with. Did I just say “poor demon?” In this context, yeah, the demon was really at a disadvantage. Shinobu was so cheerful, and so upbeat, and so beautiful, that when she talked about how she was going to have to torture the demon to satisfy justice, the contrast was almost hard to articulate. 

Statements like “Let’s both give it our all!” — where Shinobu’s all would be inflicting torture and sister demon’s would be healing from the torture — were within a context that was outside my experience. Did you catch how she lamented that she was weak to kill a demon by decapitation, but she compensated by creating a demon-deadly poison? It was chillingly in character for her to add, “I’m also rather awesome!” 

And her swordplay… 

You’d think the character impressed me or something!

For me, it was all about Big Sister.Thie fierce drive for survival she has that overrides everything else. Betraying friends, associated even her own self without hesitation in order to survive. It’s pIt really created a tangible ethos with powerful motivation that my mind latched on to.

Well, this is a short review by our usual standards. The episode was great in my opinion. I really liked it. And it once again showed that Demon Slayer works better when our three boys aren’t roughhousing together (or at all). But it was also a plain, straightforward emotional tale. I think this one is best felt rather than overanalyzed. And I respect that Demon Slayer has the range for those sorts of stories as well. How about you Crow?

I’ll echo your observation that Demon Slayer has the range for both the glorious combat from the previous episode and the quietly developed, emotional horror of this episode. It takes skill to pull off either; even more skill to pull off both. I’m impressed.

I also liked how the last shot was of Rui’s severed head on the ground, facing the thing he wanted most but couldn’t have — or could not ever have had given his technqiues. 

He was facing Tanjirou, who couldn’t even stand. He had barely managed to drag his body over to Nezuko. Now, he had wrapped his arms around her unconscious head. All he could do was say her name.

And all Rui could do was turn to ash. 

At least, I hope he turned to ash. I guess we didn’t really get to see it!

Reviews of the Other Episodes

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 01: Cruelty

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 02: Trainer Sakonji Urokodaki

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 03: Sabito and Makomo

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 04: Final Selection

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 05: My Own Steel

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 06: A Friend fo All Humans

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 07: Muzan Kibutsuji

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 08: The Smell of Enchanting Blood

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 09: Temari Demon and Arrow Demon

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 10: Together Forever

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 11: Tsuzumi Mansion

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 12: The Boar Bears Its Fangs, Zenitsu Sleeps

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 13: Something More Important Than Life

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 14: The House with the Wisteria Family Crest

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 15: Mount Natagumo

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 16: Letting Someone Else Go First

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 17: You Must Master a Single Thing

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba Episode 18: In which Tanjiro Dispenses Good Advice

Review Of Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 19: The Bonds That Tie Us And A Family Affair

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba Episode 20: In which Tanjiro Dispenses Good Advice Guys, have I told you how lucky I am to work with Crow? He is always supporting and incisive.

[cristinajourdanqp]

How Much Exercise Do Kids Need? Plus, 30 Activities to Get Them Moving

There’s good news and bad news. The bad news is that kids aren’t getting enough physical activity.

Inadequate amounts of physical activity are a strong risk factor for obesity and metabolic dysfunction in kids.  It’s most likely causal, too, because as much as people question the usefulness of only exercising to lose weight, there’s no question that exercise and physical activity in general is important for preventing obesity from occurring. 

Kids are getting so obese that a new RCT came out showing metformin can help them lose weight and normalize metabolic biomarkers.

It’s not just that inadequate physical activity is destroying the physical vitality, body weight, and metabolic health of children. It’s also ruining their movement skills and general athleticism. I don’t work with kids directly, but I have many friends who do. And all of them, from gymnastics coaches to running coaches to basketball/base/football coaches report that the athleticism of the beginners has degraded over the years. Fewer kids are coming into practice for the first time with that raw movement ability. They’re clumsier, clunkier, and more confused than ever before.

Childhood is a big window, but it’s a crucial one. All that time spent throwing a ball—or sitting on the couch manipulating an Xbox controller so that the character onscreen throws a ball—establishes neural pathways. Do you want those pathways to enable efficient, competent throwing (a skill that may have required our big brains and allowed humans to conquer the world), or do you want those pathways to enable skillful button and joystick maneuvering?

The good news is that kids love to move. Even the ones who don’t look it. Go down to a park, the beach, or walk through the city square on a hot day when the fountains are flowing and kids of all shapes and sizes will be moving frequently at slow, moderate, and fast paces. They’re playing tag. They’re roughhousing. They’re jumping from ledges twice their height. They’re all over the place.

And that’s how it works: Get even the most screen-obsessed kid in a fun, physical environment with plenty of opportunities for movement and he or she will move. The innate desire for physicality and play exists in all children.

Overweight kids aren’t too far gone either, and exercise can work wonders. According to a 2015 meta-analysis, there’s “moderate” evidence that exercise by itself is an effective way to reduce bodyweight in overweight and obese children. Another study concluded that strength training and aerobic exercise are more effective at lowering children’s BMI than either alone. I imagine you could optimize a kid’s training regimen even further and get even better results.

How Much Exercise Do Kids Need?

Ethnographic studies have found that, by and large, kids in hunter-gatherer groups play all day long with little to no supervision (PDF). They don’t have scooters and Laser Tag, or barbells and kettlebells, but they also don’t have smartphones and televisions. For these kids, play is movement and movement is play. There’s no other way. Of course, contemporary hunter-gatherer groups are a very rough approximation of our hunter-gatherer ancestors. The former have been pushed onto marginalized land by better-armed and more numerous city folk; the latter ranged across an untouched world teeming with large game. Even still, they’re the best model we have for ancestral childhood physical activity.

But we don’t even have to go back to the paleolithic to illustrate the amount of physical activity the average kid should be getting. Just talk to an elderly neighbor. Talk to an older colleague. Or heck, search within your own memory bank. What were summers like as a kid for you? I for one was out all day long if school was out, exploring the neighborhood, roaming the woods, getting into trouble. And I rarely stopped moving.

Anecdotes and personal memories not enough? The data tells the same story. The parents of today’s children got over 8 hours a week of outdoor play (which is still too little). Today’s children get under four. That trend is likely to continue as you go back in time, with outdoor play doubling in frequency and lack of supervision with each previous generation.

These are averages, of course. Some kids get quite a lot. Others don’t.

Kids in Denmark aged 6-12 average 90 minutes of moderate-to-vigorous physical activity (MVPA) per day. It’s highest in the six-year-olds and declines by 3.5 minutes each year.

Elementary school kids in Qatar average around 28 minutes of MVPA per day, with a large discrepancy along gender lines. By age 9, for example, boys are getting over 40 minutes a day and girls are getting just 23 minutes.

Even the Danes aren’t doing enough, in my book.

Kids should be moving all day. I won’t mince words. Look, my kids probably could have moved more, and I knew about this stuff. It’s hard. I get it. But that doesn’t negate that the ideal situation is for kids to be constantly moving. After all, kids have fatigue-resistant muscles akin to elite athletes’. That’s why they can run all day without getting tired, and that’s a fairly strong indicator they’re meant to move all day.

That’s not in the cards, though, so what should kids aim for?

To stave off overweight/obesity, 60 minutes of MVPA (moderate-to-vigorous physical activity) with at least 15 minutes of genuinely vigorous physical activity each day is the absolute minimum. That’s not optimal. That’s barebones.

Kids should be:

Swimming

Running (sprinting rather than jogging)

Squatting (the movement pattern more than heavy weight)

Lifting/hip hingeing

Climbing

Throwing

Supporting their own bodyweight

Jumping

Landing

Balancing

Playing, ideally using all the skills and movements I just mentioned

Ideas To Get Kids Moving

What are some ideas? How can we get kids to get enough exercise while having fun and developing skill? Many need a little nudge. There are innumerable ways to unlock what’s already inside. I’ll throw out 30 of them right here.

Walk to School. If you can make it work, walking to and from school will contribute a good amount of MVPA to a kid’s life. Extra points for getting into trouble on the way.

Swim underwater as far as you can.

Dive for Objects. Give kids a goal, make it a game. Throw a handful of quarters into the pool; see if they can get them all in with one breath. Toss a kettlebell into the deep end and have them bring it back up.

Biggest Splash Contest. Who can make the biggest splash into the pool? Encourage different dives, cannonballs, jackknives, and other jumps.

Water Polo. An excellent training stimulus. One of the hardest sports around.

Lift Weights. Real ones. In Germany, 11-year-old soccer players and 12-year-old Olympic weightlifters are safely front squatting their bodyweight.

Race the Dog (with a Head Start). Tell your kid to make a break for it, hold your dog for a few seconds, then release.

Play Catch. Great way to practice throwing and catching, the latter of which is particularly tricky (and useful to learn).

Barefoot Hike. Your kid will thank you when she’s all grown up and thinks nothing of walking across gravel.

Creek Walk. Jump from rock to rock, climb over logs, balance on fallen trees, take a little dip.

Check Out the local rec center schedule. You’d be surprised at the quality of some of these classes. Gymnastics, dance, martial arts are all good options for building good movement skills.

Get a pullup bar in the house. Place it at a level your kid can reach. Start with hanging, swinging, and various holds, but work your way up to pullups. Give incentives (“do 5 pullups and I’ll give you $20”).

Get the dog they’ve always wanted, with the stipulation being they have to walk it and play with it.

Set up an obstacle course. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Just give them things to climb under/over, crawl under/through/, leap over.

Hill Sprints. If you want a killer workout, sling that kid over your shoulder in between his sprints and run some of your own.

Gymnastics. Great foundation for movement later in life. Just stop short of elite competition unless it’s something they really want to commit to.

Have them race. If you catch kids at the right age, they love races without being attached to the outcome. They’ll just let it rip and go all out, all smiles. Winner and loser both have fun.

Roughhouse. Roughhousing is a lost art that helps kids establish boundaries and limits, learn what hurts and what doesn’t, grasp when something is “too rough.” Plus, it’s fun.

Try Parkour. Parkour isn’t something a seven year old just leaps into (go to a parkour gym for formal instruction),but they can certainly start playing around on manmade structures. Visit a business park for good climbing and play.

Animal Impersonations. Crawl like a bear. Hop like a rabbit. Leap like a frog. Slither like a snake. Walk like a duck. These are very difficult modes of transportation that make for great exercise. To keep things fresh and playful, come up with other animals to emulate.

Play Fetch. Throw the ball, they go chase it and bring it back. Same concept as running your dog.

Reverse Box Jumps. That cool Persian tot aside, it makes more sense for small children to practice jumping down from tall objects than trying to jump up them. Besides, landing is where the danger lies later.

Trampoline. Studies indicate they’re responsible for a large number of emergency visits, but a properly set-up trampoline enclosed by a protective net can be a great place to learn how to jump with good form. And again, fun.

Keep a scooter/bike/skateboard around. Kids love zooming around on wheels.

Chore Duty. Give them a standing order to help with bags/groceries/trash. There’s always something they can carry, and every little bit helps make them stronger and more resilient.

Kettlebell Challenge. Keep a kettlebell in the living room and have him or her lift it every day. Marvel at the perfect deadlift form.

Build forts, then destroy them.

Try conventional sports. Although specialization isn’t advised at such an early age (it can actually increase the risk of overuse injuries and inhibit the athletic growth of children), sports are fun and do offer a great path to overall athletic development.

Build up to a mile run. Start by walking it. Throw in some quick sprints in the middle. Then a full on mile run. Then unleash the offer: “I’ll give you [x] if you can run a mile in [x-amount of time].”

Set a good example. If you fail to embrace physical culture while demanding your child do the opposite, that’s a strong nudge in the wrong direction. Make sure you’re moving, too.

That’s it for today, folks. I’d love to hear from you.

What kinds of games, sports, and other activities do you use to increase your children’s physical activity and help them develop a positive relationship with exercise? What’s worked, what hasn’t, and what’s the most unconventional activity you’ve had success with?

Take care all.

[watsonrodriquezie]

How Much Exercise Do Kids Need? Plus, 30 Activities to Get Them Moving

There’s good news and bad news. The bad news is that kids aren’t getting enough physical activity.

Inadequate amounts of physical activity are a strong risk factor for obesity and metabolic dysfunction in kids.  It’s most likely causal, too, because as much as people question the usefulness of only exercising to lose weight, there’s no question that exercise and physical activity in general is important for preventing obesity from occurring. 

Kids are getting so obese that a new RCT came out showing metformin can help them lose weight and normalize metabolic biomarkers.

It’s not just that inadequate physical activity is destroying the physical vitality, body weight, and metabolic health of children. It’s also ruining their movement skills and general athleticism. I don’t work with kids directly, but I have many friends who do. And all of them, from gymnastics coaches to running coaches to basketball/base/football coaches report that the athleticism of the beginners has degraded over the years. Fewer kids are coming into practice for the first time with that raw movement ability. They’re clumsier, clunkier, and more confused than ever before.

Childhood is a big window, but it’s a crucial one. All that time spent throwing a ball—or sitting on the couch manipulating an Xbox controller so that the character onscreen throws a ball—establishes neural pathways. Do you want those pathways to enable efficient, competent throwing (a skill that may have required our big brains and allowed humans to conquer the world), or do you want those pathways to enable skillful button and joystick maneuvering?

The good news is that kids love to move. Even the ones who don’t look it. Go down to a park, the beach, or walk through the city square on a hot day when the fountains are flowing and kids of all shapes and sizes will be moving frequently at slow, moderate, and fast paces. They’re playing tag. They’re roughhousing. They’re jumping from ledges twice their height. They’re all over the place.

And that’s how it works: Get even the most screen-obsessed kid in a fun, physical environment with plenty of opportunities for movement and he or she will move. The innate desire for physicality and play exists in all children.

Overweight kids aren’t too far gone either, and exercise can work wonders. According to a 2015 meta-analysis, there’s “moderate” evidence that exercise by itself is an effective way to reduce bodyweight in overweight and obese children. Another study concluded that strength training and aerobic exercise are more effective at lowering children’s BMI than either alone. I imagine you could optimize a kid’s training regimen even further and get even better results.

How Much Exercise Do Kids Need?

Ethnographic studies have found that, by and large, kids in hunter-gatherer groups play all day long with little to no supervision (PDF). They don’t have scooters and Laser Tag, or barbells and kettlebells, but they also don’t have smartphones and televisions. For these kids, play is movement and movement is play. There’s no other way. Of course, contemporary hunter-gatherer groups are a very rough approximation of our hunter-gatherer ancestors. The former have been pushed onto marginalized land by better-armed and more numerous city folk; the latter ranged across an untouched world teeming with large game. Even still, they’re the best model we have for ancestral childhood physical activity.

But we don’t even have to go back to the paleolithic to illustrate the amount of physical activity the average kid should be getting. Just talk to an elderly neighbor. Talk to an older colleague. Or heck, search within your own memory bank. What were summers like as a kid for you? I for one was out all day long if school was out, exploring the neighborhood, roaming the woods, getting into trouble. And I rarely stopped moving.

Anecdotes and personal memories not enough? The data tells the same story. The parents of today’s children got over 8 hours a week of outdoor play (which is still too little). Today’s children get under four. That trend is likely to continue as you go back in time, with outdoor play doubling in frequency and lack of supervision with each previous generation.

These are averages, of course. Some kids get quite a lot. Others don’t.

Kids in Denmark aged 6-12 average 90 minutes of moderate-to-vigorous physical activity (MVPA) per day. It’s highest in the six-year-olds and declines by 3.5 minutes each year.

Elementary school kids in Qatar average around 28 minutes of MVPA per day, with a large discrepancy along gender lines. By age 9, for example, boys are getting over 40 minutes a day and girls are getting just 23 minutes.

Even the Danes aren’t doing enough, in my book.

Kids should be moving all day. I won’t mince words. Look, my kids probably could have moved more, and I knew about this stuff. It’s hard. I get it. But that doesn’t negate that the ideal situation is for kids to be constantly moving. After all, kids have fatigue-resistant muscles akin to elite athletes’. That’s why they can run all day without getting tired, and that’s a fairly strong indicator they’re meant to move all day.

That’s not in the cards, though, so what should kids aim for?

To stave off overweight/obesity, 60 minutes of MVPA (moderate-to-vigorous physical activity) with at least 15 minutes of genuinely vigorous physical activity each day is the absolute minimum. That’s not optimal. That’s barebones.

Kids should be:

Swimming

Running (sprinting rather than jogging)

Squatting (the movement pattern more than heavy weight)

Lifting/hip hingeing

Climbing

Throwing

Supporting their own bodyweight

Jumping

Landing

Balancing

Playing, ideally using all the skills and movements I just mentioned

Ideas To Get Kids Moving

What are some ideas? How can we get kids to get enough exercise while having fun and developing skill? Many need a little nudge. There are innumerable ways to unlock what’s already inside. I’ll throw out 30 of them right here.

Walk to School. If you can make it work, walking to and from school will contribute a good amount of MVPA to a kid’s life. Extra points for getting into trouble on the way.

Swim underwater as far as you can.

Dive for Objects. Give kids a goal, make it a game. Throw a handful of quarters into the pool; see if they can get them all in with one breath. Toss a kettlebell into the deep end and have them bring it back up.

Biggest Splash Contest. Who can make the biggest splash into the pool? Encourage different dives, cannonballs, jackknives, and other jumps.

Water Polo. An excellent training stimulus. One of the hardest sports around.

Lift Weights. Real ones. In Germany, 11-year-old soccer players and 12-year-old Olympic weightlifters are safely front squatting their bodyweight.

Race the Dog (with a Head Start). Tell your kid to make a break for it, hold your dog for a few seconds, then release.

Play Catch. Great way to practice throwing and catching, the latter of which is particularly tricky (and useful to learn).

Barefoot Hike. Your kid will thank you when she’s all grown up and thinks nothing of walking across gravel.

Creek Walk. Jump from rock to rock, climb over logs, balance on fallen trees, take a little dip.

Check Out the local rec center schedule. You’d be surprised at the quality of some of these classes. Gymnastics, dance, martial arts are all good options for building good movement skills.

Get a pullup bar in the house. Place it at a level your kid can reach. Start with hanging, swinging, and various holds, but work your way up to pullups. Give incentives (“do 5 pullups and I’ll give you $20”).

Get the dog they’ve always wanted, with the stipulation being they have to walk it and play with it.

Set up an obstacle course. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Just give them things to climb under/over, crawl under/through/, leap over.

Hill Sprints. If you want a killer workout, sling that kid over your shoulder in between his sprints and run some of your own.

Gymnastics. Great foundation for movement later in life. Just stop short of elite competition unless it’s something they really want to commit to.

Have them race. If you catch kids at the right age, they love races without being attached to the outcome. They’ll just let it rip and go all out, all smiles. Winner and loser both have fun.

Roughhouse. Roughhousing is a lost art that helps kids establish boundaries and limits, learn what hurts and what doesn’t, grasp when something is “too rough.” Plus, it’s fun.

Try Parkour. Parkour isn’t something a seven year old just leaps into (go to a parkour gym for formal instruction),but they can certainly start playing around on manmade structures. Visit a business park for good climbing and play.

Animal Impersonations. Crawl like a bear. Hop like a rabbit. Leap like a frog. Slither like a snake. Walk like a duck. These are very difficult modes of transportation that make for great exercise. To keep things fresh and playful, come up with other animals to emulate.

Play Fetch. Throw the ball, they go chase it and bring it back. Same concept as running your dog.

Reverse Box Jumps. That cool Persian tot aside, it makes more sense for small children to practice jumping down from tall objects than trying to jump up them. Besides, landing is where the danger lies later.

Trampoline. Studies indicate they’re responsible for a large number of emergency visits, but a properly set-up trampoline enclosed by a protective net can be a great place to learn how to jump with good form. And again, fun.

Keep a scooter/bike/skateboard around. Kids love zooming around on wheels.

Chore Duty. Give them a standing order to help with bags/groceries/trash. There’s always something they can carry, and every little bit helps make them stronger and more resilient.

Kettlebell Challenge. Keep a kettlebell in the living room and have him or her lift it every day. Marvel at the perfect deadlift form.

Build forts, then destroy them.

Try conventional sports. Although specialization isn’t advised at such an early age (it can actually increase the risk of overuse injuries and inhibit the athletic growth of children), sports are fun and do offer a great path to overall athletic development.

Build up to a mile run. Start by walking it. Throw in some quick sprints in the middle. Then a full on mile run. Then unleash the offer: “I’ll give you [x] if you can run a mile in [x-amount of time].”

Set a good example. If you fail to embrace physical culture while demanding your child do the opposite, that’s a strong nudge in the wrong direction. Make sure you’re moving, too.

That’s it for today, folks. I’d love to hear from you.

What kinds of games, sports, and other activities do you use to increase your children’s physical activity and help them develop a positive relationship with exercise? What’s worked, what hasn’t, and what’s the most unconventional activity you’ve had success with?

Take care all.

[fishermariawo]

How Much Exercise Do Kids Need? Plus, 30 Activities to Get Them Moving

There’s good news and bad news. The bad news is that kids aren’t getting enough physical activity.

Inadequate amounts of physical activity are a strong risk factor for obesity and metabolic dysfunction in kids.  It’s most likely causal, too, because as much as people question the usefulness of only exercising to lose weight, there’s no question that exercise and physical activity in general is important for preventing obesity from occurring. 

Kids are getting so obese that a new RCT came out showing metformin can help them lose weight and normalize metabolic biomarkers.

It’s not just that inadequate physical activity is destroying the physical vitality, body weight, and metabolic health of children. It’s also ruining their movement skills and general athleticism. I don’t work with kids directly, but I have many friends who do. And all of them, from gymnastics coaches to running coaches to basketball/base/football coaches report that the athleticism of the beginners has degraded over the years. Fewer kids are coming into practice for the first time with that raw movement ability. They’re clumsier, clunkier, and more confused than ever before.

Childhood is a big window, but it’s a crucial one. All that time spent throwing a ball—or sitting on the couch manipulating an Xbox controller so that the character onscreen throws a ball—establishes neural pathways. Do you want those pathways to enable efficient, competent throwing (a skill that may have required our big brains and allowed humans to conquer the world), or do you want those pathways to enable skillful button and joystick maneuvering?

The good news is that kids love to move. Even the ones who don’t look it. Go down to a park, the beach, or walk through the city square on a hot day when the fountains are flowing and kids of all shapes and sizes will be moving frequently at slow, moderate, and fast paces. They’re playing tag. They’re roughhousing. They’re jumping from ledges twice their height. They’re all over the place.

And that’s how it works: Get even the most screen-obsessed kid in a fun, physical environment with plenty of opportunities for movement and he or she will move. The innate desire for physicality and play exists in all children.

Overweight kids aren’t too far gone either, and exercise can work wonders. According to a 2015 meta-analysis, there’s “moderate” evidence that exercise by itself is an effective way to reduce bodyweight in overweight and obese children. Another study concluded that strength training and aerobic exercise are more effective at lowering children’s BMI than either alone. I imagine you could optimize a kid’s training regimen even further and get even better results.

How Much Exercise Do Kids Need?

Ethnographic studies have found that, by and large, kids in hunter-gatherer groups play all day long with little to no supervision (PDF). They don’t have scooters and Laser Tag, or barbells and kettlebells, but they also don’t have smartphones and televisions. For these kids, play is movement and movement is play. There’s no other way. Of course, contemporary hunter-gatherer groups are a very rough approximation of our hunter-gatherer ancestors. The former have been pushed onto marginalized land by better-armed and more numerous city folk; the latter ranged across an untouched world teeming with large game. Even still, they’re the best model we have for ancestral childhood physical activity.

But we don’t even have to go back to the paleolithic to illustrate the amount of physical activity the average kid should be getting. Just talk to an elderly neighbor. Talk to an older colleague. Or heck, search within your own memory bank. What were summers like as a kid for you? I for one was out all day long if school was out, exploring the neighborhood, roaming the woods, getting into trouble. And I rarely stopped moving.

Anecdotes and personal memories not enough? The data tells the same story. The parents of today’s children got over 8 hours a week of outdoor play (which is still too little). Today’s children get under four. That trend is likely to continue as you go back in time, with outdoor play doubling in frequency and lack of supervision with each previous generation.

These are averages, of course. Some kids get quite a lot. Others don’t.

Kids in Denmark aged 6-12 average 90 minutes of moderate-to-vigorous physical activity (MVPA) per day. It’s highest in the six-year-olds and declines by 3.5 minutes each year.

Elementary school kids in Qatar average around 28 minutes of MVPA per day, with a large discrepancy along gender lines. By age 9, for example, boys are getting over 40 minutes a day and girls are getting just 23 minutes.

Even the Danes aren’t doing enough, in my book.

Kids should be moving all day. I won’t mince words. Look, my kids probably could have moved more, and I knew about this stuff. It’s hard. I get it. But that doesn’t negate that the ideal situation is for kids to be constantly moving. After all, kids have fatigue-resistant muscles akin to elite athletes’. That’s why they can run all day without getting tired, and that’s a fairly strong indicator they’re meant to move all day.

That’s not in the cards, though, so what should kids aim for?

To stave off overweight/obesity, 60 minutes of MVPA (moderate-to-vigorous physical activity) with at least 15 minutes of genuinely vigorous physical activity each day is the absolute minimum. That’s not optimal. That’s barebones.

Kids should be:

Swimming

Running (sprinting rather than jogging)

Squatting (the movement pattern more than heavy weight)

Lifting/hip hingeing

Climbing

Throwing

Supporting their own bodyweight

Jumping

Landing

Balancing

Playing, ideally using all the skills and movements I just mentioned

Ideas To Get Kids Moving

What are some ideas? How can we get kids to get enough exercise while having fun and developing skill? Many need a little nudge. There are innumerable ways to unlock what’s already inside. I’ll throw out 30 of them right here.

Walk to School. If you can make it work, walking to and from school will contribute a good amount of MVPA to a kid’s life. Extra points for getting into trouble on the way.

Swim underwater as far as you can.

Dive for Objects. Give kids a goal, make it a game. Throw a handful of quarters into the pool; see if they can get them all in with one breath. Toss a kettlebell into the deep end and have them bring it back up.

Biggest Splash Contest. Who can make the biggest splash into the pool? Encourage different dives, cannonballs, jackknives, and other jumps.

Water Polo. An excellent training stimulus. One of the hardest sports around.

Lift Weights. Real ones. In Germany, 11-year-old soccer players and 12-year-old Olympic weightlifters are safely front squatting their bodyweight.

Race the Dog (with a Head Start). Tell your kid to make a break for it, hold your dog for a few seconds, then release.

Play Catch. Great way to practice throwing and catching, the latter of which is particularly tricky (and useful to learn).

Barefoot Hike. Your kid will thank you when she’s all grown up and thinks nothing of walking across gravel.

Creek Walk. Jump from rock to rock, climb over logs, balance on fallen trees, take a little dip.

Check Out the local rec center schedule. You’d be surprised at the quality of some of these classes. Gymnastics, dance, martial arts are all good options for building good movement skills.

Get a pullup bar in the house. Place it at a level your kid can reach. Start with hanging, swinging, and various holds, but work your way up to pullups. Give incentives (“do 5 pullups and I’ll give you $20”).

Get the dog they’ve always wanted, with the stipulation being they have to walk it and play with it.

Set up an obstacle course. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Just give them things to climb under/over, crawl under/through/, leap over.

Hill Sprints. If you want a killer workout, sling that kid over your shoulder in between his sprints and run some of your own.

Gymnastics. Great foundation for movement later in life. Just stop short of elite competition unless it’s something they really want to commit to.

Have them race. If you catch kids at the right age, they love races without being attached to the outcome. They’ll just let it rip and go all out, all smiles. Winner and loser both have fun.

Roughhouse. Roughhousing is a lost art that helps kids establish boundaries and limits, learn what hurts and what doesn’t, grasp when something is “too rough.” Plus, it’s fun.

Try Parkour. Parkour isn’t something a seven year old just leaps into (go to a parkour gym for formal instruction),but they can certainly start playing around on manmade structures. Visit a business park for good climbing and play.

Animal Impersonations. Crawl like a bear. Hop like a rabbit. Leap like a frog. Slither like a snake. Walk like a duck. These are very difficult modes of transportation that make for great exercise. To keep things fresh and playful, come up with other animals to emulate.

Play Fetch. Throw the ball, they go chase it and bring it back. Same concept as running your dog.

Reverse Box Jumps. That cool Persian tot aside, it makes more sense for small children to practice jumping down from tall objects than trying to jump up them. Besides, landing is where the danger lies later.

Trampoline. Studies indicate they’re responsible for a large number of emergency visits, but a properly set-up trampoline enclosed by a protective net can be a great place to learn how to jump with good form. And again, fun.

Keep a scooter/bike/skateboard around. Kids love zooming around on wheels.

Chore Duty. Give them a standing order to help with bags/groceries/trash. There’s always something they can carry, and every little bit helps make them stronger and more resilient.

Kettlebell Challenge. Keep a kettlebell in the living room and have him or her lift it every day. Marvel at the perfect deadlift form.

Build forts, then destroy them.

Try conventional sports. Although specialization isn’t advised at such an early age (it can actually increase the risk of overuse injuries and inhibit the athletic growth of children), sports are fun and do offer a great path to overall athletic development.

Build up to a mile run. Start by walking it. Throw in some quick sprints in the middle. Then a full on mile run. Then unleash the offer: “I’ll give you [x] if you can run a mile in [x-amount of time].”

Set a good example. If you fail to embrace physical culture while demanding your child do the opposite, that’s a strong nudge in the wrong direction. Make sure you’re moving, too.

That’s it for today, folks. I’d love to hear from you.

What kinds of games, sports, and other activities do you use to increase your children’s physical activity and help them develop a positive relationship with exercise? What’s worked, what hasn’t, and what’s the most unconventional activity you’ve had success with?

Take care all.