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#I know we've distanced so much and theres so much awkward history there. I know things are different now
heyitslapis
·
16 days
Text
Ok
#kinda vent post cause ive been anxious ever since we got coffee this evening
#I promise I'm not trying to be weird or anything. I'm just
#I just really don't want to screw this up. I know we spent almost the last year avoiding each other
#And I know things between us were rocky for a bit before that
#and I hope I'm not overwhelming you. I know things won't be better overnight
#I know we've distanced so much and theres so much awkward history there. I know things are different now
#And I respect that. I respect your relationship and your new life. I'm not trying to impose or make you uncomfortable
#I'm just anxious and tbh scared an nervous too. I don't want to fuck this up. If theres a chance for us to be close friends again I want it
#Im so so so scared of fucking it up. I feel like I forgot how to be friends & after the way I left things Im scared that I lost my chance
#I'm scared that it's not gonna work and that a permanent goodbye is in our future. I'm scared that you won't want me around after all
#I would understand if that became the case.. but I really don't want that
#I cant text you this without seeming like an overbearing clingy anxious mess of an ex but ive been on the verge of a panic attack all night
#just for the fear that I'm fucking up already somehow. Just the fear that this isn't going to work and I shouldn't even try
#I think I spent so long avoiding you that now I don't know what to do with myself. But I'm trying to be normal
#I promise I dont have any motives other than missing a really great friendship and being tired of missing friends
#And maybe I still have a ways to go in the emotional healing department but I think I'm ok enough to try. I've been ok for a while now
#If you see this please know that I mean every word. If you never see it thats ok because I just need to get it off my chest before I burst
#I don't want to scare you off or lose you again. if thats what it comes to then know I'll always miss and appreciate you for all my days
#Thats all. Ive been a ball of nerves all evening & I just needed to air this out cause having this weight sitting on my chest is too much
#emma rambles
#personal
#vent post
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