#I know we focus on the bed but THE FIRE HAZARD STOVE

[cutebutalsostabby]

If Twilight doesn't have an actual bed in his treehouse, do they have to cram the entire Chain in Rusl and Uli's place or camp outside??

I feel like that would be grounds for mutiny if Twilight forgot and then dragged them the whole way there just to sleep on the hard wooden floor.

I think he can have ONE bed, as a treat. They gave him one in the manga, and it's notoriously weird that he's the only one in the village without a bed. Even Time's far smaller and less sophisticated treehouse had a bed. Which I guess was weird in its own right (do Kokiri sleep? What about that one house that's just treasure chests? Weirdo Mido), but I still think Twilight should get one. Maybe it just temporarily vanished during the events of the game itself. Maybe it was out for repairs, or packed away for cleaning. Idk.

In any case. I think camping on the floor in Twilight's house would be way more comfortable than cramming into Rusl and Uli's small and heavily occupied home. They have multiple kids already! And two adults! And their house is smaller than his!

Plus, even if the floor is a little hard and uncomfortable to sleep on, it would at least be warm. See Exhibit A:

See that? TWO whole stoves, right next to each other. With plenty of wooden furniture nearby to keep them warm. And none of those silly "fire safety" grate things. Stretch out a few extra blankets and mats and you're good to go!

If that sounds less than desirable for whatever reason... honestly I think Ordon deserves its own inn. Maybe not a particularly large one, but they surely have visitors every now and then, even if just for seasonal events. I think it's fair game to add extra details like that when writing up fanfics or similar, even if they aren't strictly canon.

...Fire hazard sleepover WOULD be cheaper though. And honestly not that uncomfortable by the Chain's standards. They can deal with it.

[bubbyleh]

it was arrogance to think you knew how to handle this - chapter 2

yeah, sorry. not enough time has passed between the posting of the last chapter for me to provide any new insight! again, scroll down my blog for the ao3 link if interested.

chapter 2: green to blue

Gordon immediately rushes to Josh's room, who he wakes when he scoops him out of bed. At first he's groggy and confused, but Joshua is comforted by his father's presence and quickly falls back asleep. Gordon holds his son, the most precious thing in his life, as he sits on his couch. He holds the kitchen knife tightly, away from Joshua.

He's not sure why nothing is happening. Gordon is half an hour deep into planning a move in his head when he realizes this. The Fae who was outside seems to have just done... nothing? Gordon's not entirely willing to believe they've just given up.

The sun begins to rise. The clock begins to creep closer to a time Gordon would usually wake up. He convinces himself, maybe, that the random Fae was just a one-off encounter. Gently, Gordon sets Joshua down on the couch, making sure he's still covered by the blanket from his room. He doesn't really want to leave Joshua's side, but at least he can still see him from the kitchen.

Joshua will probably be up soon, and Gordon wants to have breakfast ready by then. Having something to eat will occupy Josh for at least a little bit, which means any chaos he causes today will be delayed for at least a little bit.

As quietly as he can, Gordon starts sorting through his kitchen. He leaves the knife on the counter, within reach should the need arise. Normally he wouldn't make pancakes without a special occasion, but after the stress of last night, let alone the stress of the past month, he thinks he deserves some goddamn pancakes.

It's extremely easy to disappear into a task. Making breakfast while keeping an eye on Joshua is enough that Gordon doesn't begin asking himself questions, like why Fae would even be coming around and asking for Joshua now. He pushes thoughts like those aside, because he's a rational adult who's fully capable of compartmentalizing! He can have a panic attack later, when they've safely skipped town!

Once Josh wakes up, he's quick to his father's side, repeating "Pancakes! Pancakes! Pancakes!" Josh jumps as he speaks, grabbing onto the edge of Gordon's shirt.

Well, Gordon thinks, Fae or not, kids love pancakes. He picks Josh up, holding him with one arm as he flips a pancake. "Whoah, no good morning?" he teases.

Josh grumbles out a, "Good morning" before attempting to climb over his father towards the stack of finished pancakes.

"Slow down there, kid," he says, pushing Joshua's insistent hand away from the plate. "What makes you think you're getting any?"

The absolute look of betrayal that Josh's face turns into is absolutely hilarious, so much so that Gordon has to stop himself from completely bursting into laughter. "But I want them!" Josh insists.

"Yeah, well, maybe I made them all for myself. Didn't think of that now, did you?"

Joshua furrows his brow and attempts to wiggle out of Gordon's grasp towards the pancakes. The safety hazard that is Josh messing around near a heated iron pan is not lost on Gordon, who cries out, "Josh, hey!" The words scare Josh enough that he freezes, allowing Gordon the chance to get Josh back on the floor, away from the stove top.

"Joshua," he says, in a typical dad warning tone. "What's the rule when Daddy's cooking?"

"Be careful around fire and pans," Josh mumbles, looking towards the floor. Gordon sighs, relieved both for Josh's safety and the fact he knew the rule. Gordon kneels in front of his son.

"I know it was an accident, okay?" he assures him, placing his hands on Josh's shoulders. "I just got real scared, there. That pan's hot enough that it'll hurt me if I touch it, you could have gotten seriously hurt." Which is... definitely something Gordon doesn't want to think about the implications of. He doesn't know if iron and fire burning stacks for a Fae, but he'd rather not find out.

Josh reaches forward and hugs Gordon, and for a moment, that anxiety is gone. Gordon just hugs his son back. He takes a deep breath, internalizes it for a moment, and then gets back to dad business. He pulls back.

"Why don't you go sit at the table, and I'll get some pancakes ready for you?" Gordon suggests. Josh's eyes immediately light up, and he nods happily. Gordon smiles as Josh climbs into his usual chair at the table.

Hopefully, that filled today's Joshua Incident quota.

- - - -

For most of the morning, it rains, which Gordon is thankful for as it means he doesn't need to provide to actual reason he wants to keep Josh inside. However, it doesn't stop Gordon's eyes from straying towards the window, keeping an eye out for any movement. Even as Josh rambles as he scribbles vaguely humanoid shapes, Gordon can't find himself completely able to focus.

Because, horrifyingly, someone came to his front door with the purpose of taking his child. All Gordon can think about is potential encounters with this Fae increasing in severity. What the fuck do they even want Joshua for? It seems like a reversal from the old warnings he would hear growing up, that Fae would steal a human child and replace it with one of their own. Oh, if only Gordon could laugh at that now. Instead, he's clenching his teeth so hard that not even a single "hah" could pass through.

"Josh," Gordon says suddenly, interrupting the four-year-old mid-rant about princesses. Joshua looks up at his father, orange crayon stilled.

Despite Joshua's more chaotic tendencies, Gordon's heart swells when he looks at him. He thinks about their house, the place he's raised Josh in for the past four years. It's where he brought his son home for the first time, where Josh took his first steps, said his first words. The place their little family of two lives.

Which is why Gordon takes a deep breath before he says, "What do you think about moving?"

"Moving?" Josh parrots, his head tilting to the side slightly.

"Yeah, moving," Gordon keeps his voice steady. "Like to a new house. Somewhere else."

Josh turns back to his paper and continues drawing. "Um, all our stuff is here," he remarks.

"We'd take that with us, buddy," Gordon chuckles.

Joshua's eyes light up. "Let's take the house with us!"

Gordon hears the mail slot on the front door jostle, like someone is having trouble getting a letter through. Weird, they don't usually get mail. He decides to check on it later.

He shakes his head. "We can't take the house."

Joshua's bright smile turns to a frown. "But I like the house." He grips his crayon a little harder.

"The whole point of moving is that we get a new house," Gordon explains, but Josh still doesn't look too happy.

"But I wanna stay in this house! I wanna take it with!" Joshua begins shouting, and dear god, Gordon does not need to deal with this now. He's halfway through formulating a response when...

"Bro, just take the house with you."

Both Freemen snap their heads towards the hallway, where the strange voice came from. Gordon's heart nearly stops, as he recognizes the Fae from last night (or, more accurately, earlier in the morning). Except, he isn't exactly person-sized anymore. No, the Fae is closer to the size of Gordon's hand this time around, but that does not stop the anger that begins to rise in him.

"I don't understand the problem," the now small Fae says, absentmindedly scratching the stubble on their face. "S'not like you can't just take the house somewhere else."

Gordon shouts, "You again!?" at the same time as Joshua's, "Little guy!" He's almost too slow to stop Josh from running towards the Fae, grabbing him by the back of the shirt and holding him with one arm. It's easier, actually, to grab the Fae, who's four inches tall and doesn't make any effort to flee.

"What the fuck is your problem!?" Gordon yells into the tiny Fae's face. He ignores Joshua's scandalized gasp.

The Fae just looks annoyed and crosses their arms. "Man, I told you this, like, six hours ago. You should've remembered better." They point down at Joshua. "Just, um, give us the baby thing and we're all gonna leave you alone."

"I'm not going to give you my son!"

The Fae hums for a moment. "What if I like, marry you. Then it's also my son and I can take it."

"Wh- no!" Gordon sputters, "First of all, don't call my kid an it! Second-"

Gordon's cut off when the Fae begins to sing, small blue orbs flying into Gordon's face. Because, suddenly, a whole chunk of Gordon's anxiety and rage is gone, and he can't really remember why he was so mad in the first place. Mostly he feels... confused? He can faintly hear Josh saying, "That's pretty!"

Gordon gently lets Josh down on the ground, but he still keeps a grip on the Fae in his hand. "What did you just do to me?" he asks, his voice a little too unsure.

"Calm down," is all the Fae says. "Just give me the kid?"

Very suddenly, Gordon's anger returns tenfold, because of course that's why he was so upset, how could he forget? He's about to give this little shit a piece of his mind, but then Joshua sings. A stream of green and blue orbs exit his mouth, just like the one the Fae just used on him.

"Oh shit," the Fae, for once, looks thrown off. They squirm a bit. "You didn't tell me little dude was a mimic, man."

Gordon, once again, feels entirely unprepared for what he just witnessed. After a long pause, all he manages to get out is, "I've never seen him do that before."

The Fae laughs, but to be honest, it sounds more like cackling. "No shit. He can only do that when I'm around, because he's copying me. Stupid." They sigh. "He'll be able to do it a lot more if you just let him come with me, man. It would be way more fun."

Gordon's gaze finally returns to the itty bitty Fae in his hand. Walking them back to the front door, Gordon chucks them as far as he can into the woods.

[lihikainanea]

23! 23 from the Xmas promts! “Aren’t you afraid of setting the house on fire with all the lights?” 😭😂😭😂

**Happy Christmas, friends! I’m doing the 25 days of Christmas with Bill and tiger, so go on and send me a prompt from the list, or any list, or make up your own–to read about all the troubles these two morons can find themselves in during the holiday season

Day 1/ Day 2/ Day 3

23. Aren’t you afraid of setting the house on fire with all the lights?

It had taken forever to warm the place up, most of the afternoon in fact, but the setting was unbelievably perfect. Nestled further into the Swedish archipelago than you had ever been, the old log cabin was every bit the perfect backdrop for the holiday season—quiet, cozy, serene. It belonged to Bill’s great grandfather once upon a time, and he thought some quiet time away from the circus that was his family would do the both of you some good.

You were tired leading up to the holidays, work had gotten crazy with the close out of the year before it had gotten quiet and in the time leading up to your Christmas vacation you had pulled long days, late nights, and barely any break between. And on the first day you had to relax, Bill had whisked you off to his motherland with his entire family and the two of you had barely gotten a few minutes of quiet solitude since you arrived.

Some time out from your time out was needed, he thought, so with instructions to pack a weekend bag, he loaded you onto a ferry.

The house was beautiful, the town sparse and blanketed in the quiet cover of snow. It was perfect. He had gotten the fire started when you arrived, lit up the other wood stoves while the electricity kicked in, then he had gone off to get some dry firewood from the shed and to pick up a few groceries from the only store in town.

“So how do you summon the dogs for your sled, anyway?” You joked as you followed him out to the front porch. He rolled his eyes, kissing your nose affectionately.

“That’s ridiculous, nobody here takes dog sleds,” he chastised, “…there’s a ski-doo in back.”

You laughed, but he wasn’t kidding.

You kept moving while he was gone, if only to keep warm. The cabin was beautiful but lacked a few Christmas touches, ones that you had taken with you for this very purpose. Making your way around you hung a few baubles, some of his favourite mistletoe, and then you strung fairy lights from anywhere you could reach. It was almost perpetually dark in his home town around this time of year, and the lights illuminated a soft glow that was both romantic and soothing. You hung them everywhere—around the door frames, scattered around the wood table, over the mantel in the living room.You looped them through the headboard in the bedroom, weaved them around the staircase, and when you were done the entire house held a calming glow.

Satisfied, you rummaged through your bag for another surprise. It was daring, a little out of character for you, but you had wanted to do something a bit special for him. He had been so supportive these past few weeks, letting you work as much as you needed to and always being on standby with a cup of tea, some food, a warm hug when you needed it.

You pulled the lacy number out from the bottom of your clothes and held it up. It was…festive, to say the least, however little material there was to it. Tiny triangles of red velvet held together with white fuzzy strings, a few silver sequins just for added pizazz, you gulped as you brought it with you into the bedroom—stopping at the liquor cart in the living room for a swig of liquid courage.

It took some shimmying, some careful maneouvering and hopping before all of your bits had made it into the lingerie set. You were just finishing setting the Santa hat on your head when you heard the front door open.

“I’m back, kid,” you heard him call out, “Are you hungry?”

“No, but can you come give me a hand with something up here?” You called back. You heard him shake off his coat, whack his head lightly on a low doorframe before his footsteps creaked up the stairs.

“The lights are a nice touch,” he said as he made his way to you, “But there’s a lot. Maybe we should—“

His sentence died on his lips as he appeared in the doorway, his eyes landing on you. You smiled, placing your hand on your cocked hip.

“Merry Christmas,” you purred.

He stood completely still, his eyes wide as saucers as he drank you up.

“Bill?” You tried again, starting to feel the embarrassment creep up your chest. He still didn’t move except for his bottom lip being dragged in by his teeth, his eyes moving up and down your form.

“Please say something, bud,” you shifted nervously on your feet, a wave of self-consciousness crashing into you as you crossed your arms over your front. It seemed to jar him from his trance as his eyes snapped to yours.

“Jesus Christ,” he growled, taking a slow step towards you, “You could kill a man, tiger. You know that?”

You smiled shyly as he advanced on you.

“You like?” You asked, but the dangerous look in his eye was all the confirmation you needed. He stopped in front of you, running his hands down your front and coming to rest lightly on your hips.

“Twirl for me,” he commanded, “Make it slow.”

You obeyed, turning slowly as his hands palmed over your ass before coming to a stop facing him again.

“My god, kid,” he sighed, and then he was on you. Hands grabbed at your thighs and lifted you, wrapping your legs around his waist as you looped your arms around his neck. He laid you out on the bed underneath him, his lips sucking on your neck as he ran his palm down your front, cupping you gently between your legs.

“This present is almost too pretty to unwrap,” he purred and you moaned, tilting your hips to grind more into his palm.

You hooked a leg over his waist, flipping him over onto his back as you straddled his waist. Running a hand into his hair, you gripped it and tilted his head back for a searing kiss. He moaned into it, but before he could close his eyes, something caught in his vision.

The Christmas lights. Hanging in strings, everywhere. Across a very, very old wooden house.

You nipped at his lip and he sighed, raising up so you could take his shirt off before you peppered kisses along his jaw. He drew in a sharp breath when your hand squeezed the bulge in his pants, but the worry started to creep into his mind. He shook his head lightly, trying to focus on you—you, in the most incredible lingerie set he had ever seen; you who had never worn something like this for him before but now here you were dolled up, ready to ravish him.

He wanted to focus. And as you laid another searing kiss on his lips, circling your hips down hard onto his, he really tried to focus on you. On how good you were making him feel.

But it was futile and you caught on quickly enough when his lips stopped moving during the kiss, when you opened your eyes and saw his peering up at something above you. You broke apart from him.

“Alright, what gives?” You asked, and he bit his lip. 

“It’s nothing. It’s fine kid, come back here,” he reached for you but you moved out of his grasp.

“Oh god, it’s…this, isn’t it?” You gestured down to the scraps of clothing, “God I knew this was a bad idea. I just wanted to try something new—”

“Kid, it’s not—” he tried to interrupt, but you were rambling.

“And I thought you’d like this but it was a stupid idea, so stupid, I feel like an idiot and—”

He cut you off by grabbing you, hauling you back onto his lap and kissing you firmly. 

“It’s not this,” he tugged at a fuzzy string, “This is fucking incredible.”

“What is it, then?” You mumbled lowly, avoiding his eyes. He ducked his head for another kiss.

“These are just….there are a lot of…” he stammered, “Aren’t you afraid of setting the house on fire with all these lights?”

You paused, pulling away from him slightly with a look of total bewilderment on your face.

“No,” you said slowly, “Are…you?”

He bit his lip, and you pulled back from him more.

“It’s just a really old house, that’s all,” he shrugged.

“How fucking old is this house that a few strings of Christmas lights run a fire hazard, Bill?”

He contemplated a moment, nodding to himself as he pulled you closer.

“You’re right, I’m sure it’ll be fine,” he said. He laid back down, pulling you back on top of him as you giggled. You kissed along his neck, nipping at his Adam’s apple before making your way down his chest. You licked at his skin, sucking softly as your lips descended.

“Actually yeah,” he said, and then you were being moved gently off of him as he clambered upright, “Let’s just go ahead and unplug all of these.”

“Bill.”

“Safety first, kid,” he said as he quickly unplugged the few sets int he room before making his way down the hallway, “Don’t you dare move, I’m coming back to finish this.”

You huffed, flopping back onto the pillows as you heard his low cuss when he whacked his head on another low doorframe.

[fantasymouse]

Our Ordinary Life - 6

Word count: 5.8k

Tags: ot7 x reader | monster!au | fluff | mature themes

Summary:  When a hapless human named y/n is inducted as a “volunteer” into the government exchange program, her world is turned upside down.

Previous | Masterlist | Next

The sizzling sound of bacon frying and other pots boiling, filled the kitchen while Jungkook moved about. He joyfully sang to himself “the basic elements of cooking are the S’s~ Sweet sugar, Salty salt, Sour sauce!” You sat by the kitchen island, frowning at the odd mix of ingredients he was hazardously mixing together. “It’s miso, not sauce” you reminded him. As usual, he was too high energy to pay your correction any mind. Jungkook winked at you, adding to his song “and the secret ingredient is burning hot love for my princess. Too hot?!” he exclaimed when the pan literally caught on fire. You jumped from the chair in absolute terror, he was definitely going to burn your kitchen to the ground. “D-Do you need help, Jungkook?” He turned around, his passion as bright as the fire behind him. He determinedly exclaimed “It’s fine. I need to train harder than the others in order to be your husband! I’m on fire right now!” you sighed and casually remarked “well, you’re gonna burn the house down. Turn it off.” Jungkook turned down the stove while using his tail to put a lid back on the pot. He pushed up the sleeves of his red, knitted shirt and dusted off the white apron he was currently wearing before stating “starting today, I’ll cook! What better way to train to be a husband?” He looked so content with himself, you didn’t have the heart to decline him.

Jungkook stopped paying you attention and daydreamed of coming home to you, standing naked with nothing but the very apron he was wearing. Jungkook blushed as he imagined you saying something cliche like “welcome home honey, do you want dinner? A bath? Or maybe… Me?” His blush darkened as he decided, if that ever happens, when that happens, he would definitely have you for dinner in the bath. You would shyly exclaim “you’re so greedy, Kookie!” his heart was beating a million miles a minute while he imagined having you in such a way. You glared suspiciously at him when he squealed and giggled with excitement. “Concentrate on cooking. Where are the others? Are they all asleep?” You asked while pushing off the kitchen island and walking towards the living room. You barely noticed how Jungkook suddenly stiffened and looked into space. The pot was starting to boil over making you yell out “Jungkook, the pot!” he snapped out of his sudden haze and lifted the pot off the stove in a panic. It stopped boiling, but his fingers were quickly being punished as the metal scalded his palms. “Hot!” Jungkook screamed and dropped the pot, spilling its contents everywhere.

After the accident, Jungkook had hidden away in his room. It had been a while and you were starting to get worried. Silently, you headed up the stairs and knocked on the first door to the left. “Jungkook, everyone makes mistakes. Just keep trying” you said, trying to sound as sincere as possible. He yelled from the other side of the door “i-it’s okay. I’m not worried about cooking! So, could you maybe leave me alone for now?” You frowned and took a small step forward, debating if you should actually leave him be. You looked to the ground when your foot touched something. It was a dry, thin strip of something pale and leathery. It was reflecting the light slightly, making it look glittery.

Jungkook was hiding beneath his blanket, he looked at his now bandaged hands. His face was blazing red with tears threatening to overflow. “This is awful. What should I do? I can’t deal with this… With these hands” his tail moved restlessly beneath the sheet. Rubbing against the bed for friction. “What is this? Paper?” Jungkook heard you questioning yourself and felt his heart rate speed up. “DON’T!” he wailed while rushing towards the door. Jungkook swung it open and tackled you violently to the ground in his panic. You groaned in pain and managed to sit up. You looked questionably at his face and slowly turned your eyes to his black tail that was now exposed. The once shiny and smooth scales were currently flakey and dull. Realizing that you had seen his tail he, wordlessly moved back on his bed. Holding the sheet tightly to his body. Jungkook sobbed silently, the bundle of blankets on top of him moving in sync with his shaking shoulders.

You sat on the edge of his bed and pondered what to say to calm him. “So nagas shed, too? Is that why you’ve been so out of it?” Jungkook sniffled and mumbled into the pillow “I didn’t want you to see me while I was shedding. With my hands burned like this, I can’t deal with it properly. My shedding skin…” You blushed and coughed awkwardly. “Well, don’t worry about it. You’re basically always naked anyway” you reassured, recalling all the times you had walked in on him just hanging about with no clothes. Jungkook finally lifted his face from the pillow and looked you in the eyes. “For nagas, having someone see you while you’re shedding is more embarrassing than being seen naked!” Your heart sank when you were finally able to see his flushed cheeks and teary eyes. Jungkook evaded your gaze and dejectedly mumbled “I can’t really cook, clean or do the laundry. On top of that… I can’t even shed properly. You’re actually considering us for marriage, and I can’t live up to your expectations. It’s pathetic. But I’ve never failed to shed before!” He choked up and started crying again. You scrunched your eyebrows together and asked “it’s called imperfect shedding, right? It often happens to snakes under stress.”

Jungkook’s weeping stopped, too surprised that you knew that much about snakes, to focus on his low self-esteem. You stood up from his bed and looked at him with a comforting smile while guessing “maybe living in a new environment is stressing you out. But you could get a skin disease if you let it go on” your frown returned while you worried about him possibly getting sick. Jungkook turned to face you again and wiped tears from his cheeks. “Princess, why do you know so much about it?” A faint blush appeared on your cheeks when you sheepishly admitted to having studied up on snakes. Also revealing that Namjoon had given some advice, too.

“Naga ecology is similar to snakes’. Use these to study” you recalled Namjoon saying while handing over a mountain of books and other research on snakes.

You kneeled down so you could look him in the eyes. “As long as we’re living together, I owe it to you. So I’ll help you shed. But in exchange… I want you to help me shed, too.” Jungkook’s eyebrows pinched and he tilted his head cutely in confusion. “Huh? Humans don’t shed, do they?” you chuckled and nodded, answering “we do.” Jungkook’s eyes widened. You explained, “our skin peels off when we get sunburned.” After situating yourselves, Jungkook was laying on his stomach, clutching his pillow tightly to cover his blushing face. You stood behind him, ready to begin once he gave you permission. He nodded, signaling that he was ready. “O-Okay, here I go. Let me know if it hurts” You started by the largest spot and began peeling off the shedding skin. You were surprised by how easily it came off. You were able to pull a big chunk just by one smooth movement. Revealing his shiny new scales underneath. The only problem seemed to be Jungkook. The second you started, he had started whining and gasping through ragged breaths. As you continued further down his tail, he began moaning. Jungkook bit into the pillow, a vain attempt at keeping silent. You gulped at the sight of him beneath you, his moaning and writhing were starting to make you feel unbearably hot. You realized that your own breathing sounded equally as airy as Jungkook’s. Innocent thoughts. Think innocent thoughts. You repeated over and over. You reached a certain spot on his tail where the skin was a little harder to remove. You scratched at it, hoping to loosen it. The action made Jungkook inhale sharply and whine loudly.

“P-Princess… The tip… The tip of my tail…” he moaned cautiously. Jungkook waved it in front of you. It was the last piece of skin you needed to remove and then you’d be done with his backside. “It’s sensitive, right? But you’ll have to be patient for a bit, okay?” You gently grabbed it and carefully started peeling off the shedding scales. Jungkook wailed loudly, the rest of his tail wrapped around your neck as he moaned “wait, princess! I can’t! I can’t take it! I’m so turned on, it’s making me crazy!” Jungkook shook his head furiously. His tail coiled tighter with every passing second. “It’s okay! Just a little more! It’s just the very tip!” you exclaimed and swiftly pulled the remaining skin off. Jungkook moaned “no!” it was so loud he was nearly screaming. And you couldn’t help but feel mildly mortified, knowing that the entire neighborhood probably heard it.

You held the shed skin up and exclaimed “I… I got it” followed by a relieved sigh. Jungkook was breathing erratically, his entire face flushed while desperately gripping the sheets to ground himself. “O-Okay… I’ll take the rest off your stomach now. Lie on your back, okay?” you prepared yourself, internally trying to convince yourself that the hardest part was over. Jungkook agreed and rolled onto his back. He was covering his face with his left, bandaged hand while pulling up his jeans to reveal a familiar piece of fabric, resting between the junction where his hips met his tail. “We’re finished with the tip of your tail, so the rest should be eas-” you were interrupted by Jungkook quickly placing his tail around your head, covering your eyes. “Um, Princess… Don’t look. I’m taking it off” you realized what was about to happen and flailed your hands in panic “w-wait, shouldn’t you do that area yourself?” You couldn’t see what Jungkook was doing but you knew he had already removed his underwear. “But this is my most sensitive area. If it’s not pulled off, well… it’ll get itchy and stuff. So, Princess… go ahead” Jungkook mumbled shyly. You took a deep breath to steel yourself and placed your hands along the sides of his wide tail. 

You slowly slid your hands up his sides to feel for the shedding skin. Jungkook shivered as you touched him. “So, Jungkook, where’s the rest of the skin?” you blindly moved your hand across a curve, which you assumed to be his hip. His skin was so soft and refreshingly chilly against your own burning body. “Not there. A little to the right” his voice was slightly muffled. “A little to my right, you mean?” you asked, very worried about touching something you shouldn’t. Jungkook’s voice quivered a little as he responded “oh, sorry. To my right.” He gasped when you started moving your hands, which you were especially conscious of since your eyes were covered. His skin was so incredibly soft, smooth and squishy… It was nothing like the scaly bits. “P-Princess… that area is sensitive...” Jungkook moaned. Your hands skimmed closer, making his body spasm suddenly, the tail wrapped over your eyes jerked, making you throw your head back. “I’m sorry, princess. It’s okay. I’m okay now. There’s just a little more” Jungkook whined, his voice sounded like sin. 

Your panties were ruined at this point, and you knew you needed to finish this quickly. Before anything else happened. “Jungkook, where’s the rest of the skin?” you hurriedly asked through your own heavy breaths. “T-to the right” he whispered breathlessly. You leaned closer, recklessly feeling your way to the right. “Okay. My right, right? You’re covering it with your hand, right? Let’s get this over with!” You squealed with determination. Your hands were moving before you had even heard his answer. Which you quickly regretted as Jungkook wailed “not your right, Princess!” everything went silent when you grabbed something thick and heavy. You sat still for several seconds, unable to move out of pure shock. Jungkook’s tail twisted with a violent force, causing you to be flung out of the bed and down to the floor. A loud bump resounded as your neck landed weirdly “P-Princess!” Jungkook exclaimed in worry. You were quickly rushed to the hospital and left wearing a neck brace. You managed to get home by dinner.

Jungkook sat you by the dinner table while adding another dish on the table with a content smile. Half the food was completely black, burned to ash. While the rest contained some kind of grimy, purple hue. How he managed to achieve this, you would never know. “Here, Princess. Eat up! To thank you and apologize for earlier” he was holding a large pot, containing a soup of some kind. Or at least you thought it was soup. The meat was charred and the soup itself was bubbling ominously as if a creature dwelled within it and was waiting to strike once it got closer. You had never seen anything like it and wondered if it was a traditional naga dish? Honestly, you would rather die, than eat whatever it was Jungkook had just served you. Or rather you were certain you would die if you ate that monstrosity. You looked at Jungkook and didn’t know what to do, as you were met with his expectant stare. Jungkook looked so happy with himself, the wide smile revealing his fangs. His large, golden eyes shining with hope and optimism. You gulped and carefully responded with a wavering voice “okay, let’s eat…” If the stench wasn’t bad enough, after the first bite you knew that you had been poisoned. Every bite tasted like acid as it burned your taste buds.

When you finally finished the meal, you collapsed on the table. “Th-Thanks for the food…” your face was pale and you felt like throwing up. Jungkook smiled, pure joy in his eyes as he exclaimed “you ate it all” he was definitely proud of himself. You had never tasted anything like it. Non-human cooking is incredible, you concluded. Your thoughts were interrupted by the other four guys running into the room. Hoseok’s shirt was only half buttoned, all of them looked like hell. Their faces were sickly pale. And their bodies were shivering. Much like your own. “We’re too late,” Hoseok said with remorse. “Wh-What happened to you guys? I haven’t seen you since this morning” you asked. Hoseok closed his eyes and asked Jungkook “what did you make?” Happy to be questioned about his cooking, Jungkook eagerly explained “oh, my menu? Curry, meat and potatoes, hamburger steak, fried rice, pork soup, and pudding. Your face paled as none of the food had been recognizable “Jungkook, did you use a cookbook?” Jungkook shook his head, his dark hair becoming slightly ruffled as he proudly answered “no, I copied you. I had everyone try it, so it should be fine” you looked over to the other guys and was not surprised to see them close to fainting.

“You didn’t taste it yourself?” Jungkook started cleaning up, while happily revealing that he always lost his appetite before shedding. You groaned in suffering together with the others.

The sky was bathed in warm orange hues as the sun set below the horizon. You opened the front door and yelled: “I’m home!” The rustling of feet announced that the others would soon greet you. You sat down on the floor, feeling tired and sore from a long work day, and started untying your shoes. “Welcome home. You must be tired from work.” Jungkook said when they all stood behind you. Jimin mumbled something but you didn’t catch it as Jin wheeled into the hallway as well and asked “did you go shopping?” motioning to two white, plastic bags sitting by your side. You took off your shoes with a relieved sigh and answered “the supermarket was having a sale. Eggs and vegetables were cheap.” Jimin repeated himself a little louder but your attention was drawn to Taehyung when he suddenly tackled you in a hug, happily exclaiming “Master! Master, Master...” Jimin continued to call for attention, standing slightly behind the others. Still in his pajamas. The other males frowned while Taehyung started kissing your cheeks lovingly. Hoseok stepped forward, interrupting Jimin. “Hey, Tae! The master is tired” Taehyung nuzzled his face into your neck, not paying any mind to the others. Jimin started calling louder, you finally turned around, with Taehyung tightly hugging you. “Yeah? What is it, Jimin?” Jimin was sporting a light blush, and plainly stated: “I want to mate with you.” You choked on air when Jimin said it with the same tone you would use to describe the weather. The others were outraged, immediately striking out at Jimin. The poor harpy barely managed to dodge their attacks before elaborating on his sudden outburst.

“Oh, you’re in heat? I thought you’d done it with my princess. You scared me!” Jungkook said with a tight laugh, as he continued to squeeze Jimin’s body with his tail. Jin added, “sheesh, what a relief.” Hoseok put his sword away while mentioning “good grief. You’re such a troublemaker.” Jungkook eventually let go of Jimin, asking “Jimin are you in heat every spring, like a bird?” Jimin curled his wings up to his body, an annoyed frown on his flushed face. “No way! It’s been forever since my last one. But it’s my first time since coming to this country, so it’s not going so well” you frowned, concerned about the usually carefree harpy, who seemed very burdened by this situation. “Is it stress? A-Anyway, we should call Namjoon…” You were interrupted by the sound of your doorbell. Confused who would be visiting at this hour, you carefully opened the door. A camera was forcefully shoved in your face by a small, middle-aged man, standing directly on in front of you. He had a thin, patchy beard and a large crooked nose. He was wearing a simple, nonbranded red shirt with blue jeans and glasses. “Excuse me. Is there a harpy getting ready to mate here?” Jungkook placed his arm against the door frame, leaning over your shoulder and glared at the odd man. “How did you know?” he asked with a suspicious grimace.

The man seemed to be filled with energy, he gestured wildly with his hand, that wasn’t holding the large camera. “I was listeni- I mean, I had a hunch. A director’s hunch!” You tilted your head in confusion, repeating the word "director?" out loud. He scavenged his left pocket, pulling out a small, white business card. “Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Smith, the video director. I’m currently filming a documentary on the interspecies exchange. Would you be willing to do an interview?” His eyes were wide, staring at you with extreme intensity. Since it wasn’t really up to you, you looked to the guys. They seemed to have a silent conversation and cautiously agreed to it. Smith, rushed into your house, he didn’t miss a beat and filmed everything in the hallway. He gasped in amazement while he studied and shot the spacious hallway from every possible viewpoint. You leaned closer to Hoseok “uh… Are you sure?” Hoseok crossed his arms and sighed rather loudly, he seemed annoyed “we’re here as a part of an interspecies exchange program. It makes sense for us to participate in such interviews.” Behind you stood Jungkook and Jin, worrying about how they looked. Jungkook turned to Jin and asked if he had a bedhead, which Jin was quick to reassure that he did, like always.

“Okay, let’s start by interviewing the harpy!” Smith suddenly shouted. Jimin sat on his bed, fidgeting restlessly. Taehyung was sitting behind the camera as emotional support. Although he seemed a little distracted by the food you had placed out for Jimin. “Well? Are you far along in your heat yet?” Smith asked with anticipation. Jimin’s muscles tensed for a minute before he could manage to shake his head no. Smith turned around, the camera still held firmly in front of him. “In that case, let me film the other boys’ rooms until you are! It’s all part of interspecies exchange! I’d appreciate your help” they reluctantly agreed and headed to their respective rooms as they showed Smith around. He grinned slyly, something the guys didn’t notice. But you did.

He headed to Seokjin’s room first. He did a panoramic shot across the room. The upper half of the walls colored beige while the bottom was made of red tiles. The only floor was in front of the door, leading across the same stretch of wall, like a small walkway. The rest was a pool, deep enough to allow Seokjin to swim freely. “An indoor pool! No wonder you’re wearing a swimsuit” Smith commented while filming Seokjin floating in the water. He filmed from the very tip of Seokjin’s fin, up his golden tail, zooming in on the black swimwear around his hips and upper tail, covering his modesty. Smith continued filming up Seokjin’s naked chest, focusing on the gills on his torso and finally stopping at Seokjin’s patient face. “By the way, are you wearing underwear? What’s underneath your trunks?” Seokjin covered himself and sunk further into the water. A furious blush covering his pale cheeks. Jungkook and Hoseok who were standing behind Smith, waiting for their turn, both bellowed “Hey! What’s that any of your business?!” Smith jumped, clearly startled by the guys yelling at him. He quickly turned around, lowering the camera “oh, I’m sorry. I’m just curious. Please excuse me. 

How do you get out of the pool?” After excusing himself, Smith swiftly returned to interviewing Seokjin. “W-Well I build speed and leap out of the water” he took a deep breath to calm himself and smoothly dived below the surface only to jump out of the pool. Seokjin sat on his tail, making him about the height of Smith. The camera panned down, catching a shot of Seokjin’s trunks that had slipped out of place after he had jumped. Realizing what Smith was filming, Seokjin swiftly jumped back into the water. You rushed up to Smith growling “hey! did you…” Smith made a peace sign and assured you that he’d edit it out later. “Moving on, let’s check Mr. Jung’s room” Smith turned the camera to Hoseok and waited expectantly, at this point you were starting to get bad vibes from this guy and was about to state your concern. “Don’t worry, Master. Unlike Jin, I will not be careless. I will endure any interview or battle.”

“A Japanese style room? This is unexpected!” Smith exclaimed as he panned across the room. The floor was covered with mats, by the wall stood a large open style closet. To the right were Hoseok’s sword and bow. Behind it was a painting of a peaceful waterfall. Above a shelf, there was a large banner with ‘Half Man, Half Horse’ written on it, with traditional Japanese letters. The camera returned to Hoseok who stood with folded arms, in the corner. “I like tatami mats. The texture, the smell of grasses… Centaurs do not sleep on beds or futons. But these tatami mats-” Smith interrupted Hoseok by asking “Mr. Jung, do you wear underwear?” He zoomed in on the large sheet covering Hoseok’s flank, getting a view of his behind and panning up to Hoseok’s blushing face. “Why would you ask that?! That has nothing to do with anything!” He angrily exclaimed, Smith once again insisted. Hoseok’s face was beet red while he yelled: “centaurs just don’t wear underwear!” Smith put the camera down and rushed to Hoseok’s flank. He began trying to raise the sheet “allow me to verify that. It seems quite large. Does your back ever get stiff?” Hoseok jumped away and grabbed his sword. He angrily yelled “you’ve gone too far! I will not tolerate further insults!” Smith returned to his camera and started gesturing wildly “you don’t have to tolerate them. If you don’t ask the hard questions, it’s not an interview! Even if I earn your disdain, I will do my best to cover the mutual understanding and friendship between species!” Raw passion fueled Smith’s words as he yelled this with conviction. Stunning Hoseok enough, to allow Smith to turn to you and Jungkook standing behind him. 

“Next, let’s go to Mr. Jeon’s room.” Jungkook sighed heavily with dislike and showed Smith to his room. He sat down on his bed and glared at Smith. Jungkook’s room was white, with wooden shelves filled with small knick-knacks and other personal belongings he had gathered since staying with you. “Do you wear underwear?” Smith boldly asked. Jungkook clenched his fists, tightly gripping his bed sheets so he did not unintentionally lash out. “You’re starting with that?! I do!” Jungkook angrily exclaimed, Smith, turned the camera to Jungkook’s jeans and asked, “will you show me?” Jungkook grabbed the camera and pushed it away, hissing “no way!” the motion caused Smith to stumble, but it allowed him to catch sight of a very interesting see-through bag. “Oh? What’s this?” Jungkook yelped, completely flustered, he quickly grabbed the bag with his tail and threw it over to himself before Smith could get any closer. “Is that your shed skin? You still haven’t thrown it away?” You asked Jungkook while he hugged the bag closely to him, Smith repeated the words ‘shed skin’ with interest. “Well, it’d be embarrassing if I threw it out and crows got to it…” Jungkook mumbled, very flustered about the entire situation. After hearing his words, Smith jumped into action. Passionately shouting “you can’t throw this away! Fanatics would consider this a rare treasure! Since ancient times, this country has considered snake skins lucky. Shrines that worship snakes are sacred everywhere! In China, they’re used as an ingredient in traditional medicine. So may I have this? I’m sure all kinds of people would love to have it!”

You both stared dumbfounded as Smith went to grab the bag from Jungkook and examining the contents as if it was the most precious thing in the world. “A-Absolutely not! Only perverts would be happy to have my skin” well, it was his skin so you could understand why he was unwilling to hand it to some stranger. Smith, however, didn’t seem undeterred “then I will give it only to research facilities. This skin may lead to some kind of discovery. We may even achieve a deeper level of understanding” Smith motioned for Jungkook to lean closer and not so quietly whispered “it may even lead to you marrying your prin- er, a human female” Jungkook leaned back and actually started considering everything Smith had just told him. He started blushing and getting a hazy look in his eyes as his imagination ran wild. “Well, in that case, since it’s for friendship…” Smith walked towards the door, Jungkook was too distracted to hear Smith scoffing at himself. “It’s too bad, though. It’d be worth more if I had footage of him shedding” you were about to address it, but Seokjin burst into the room, yelling “Darling, it’s Jimin!”

You rushed into Jimin’s room to find him still sitting on the bed, he was out of breath and his skin was boiling hot to the touch. “Jimin!” you exclaimed once you say him, he looked to you and raised his arms, motioning for you to come into his embrace. “I… I think it’s… at its peak now…” Jimin groaned, he seemed to be in pain. “Relax, Jimin! Use the Nagaze technique! In, in, out. Breath in twice, and then exhale” Jungkook exclaimed encouragingly, Seokjin tugged at Jungkook’s arm “he’ll hyperventilate if he does that” he nervously chuckled. Smith silently moved up front and focused his camera on Jimin’s sweating body. “Y-You’re filming this, too?” You blurted in shock. Smith jumped up and directed the camera to you, yelling “of course! All for interspecies exchange! Okay, Mr. Park. Let’s undress you so you aren’t so hot” Even though Jimin was just wearing a tank top and his boxers, he nodded in agreement and stripped. Leaving him in just his underwear. “Do you have to go this far?” you asked, a blush dusting your cheeks. The camera was trained on Jimin’s squirming body, Smith turned to you “now, now. Here, Master. Help Mr. Park get through this” your eyes widened when he began issuing orders. You sighed and asked Jimin if you could help with anything. Jimin nodded and held his arms up again, inviting you into a hug. Seeing how uncomfortable he was, you didn’t hesitate. The second Jimin wrapped his large wings around you, he exhaled with a breath of relief. His plumage seemed brighter than you remembered it. Now that you thought about it, Jimin had acted rather strangely this past week.

Jimin had been a lot more boastful than he usually was, you had caught him puffing out his chest and squaring up around the other males more often than not. He had also gained the habit of repeatedly stealing pillows, blankets and anything else that was soft to build pillow forts in his room. Most importantly, Jimin had been humming around you. Even singing occasionally. Namjoon had mentioned that hearing a harpy sing was extremely rare, as they only ever did it to other harpies for some unknown reason. When you mentioned to Jimin that he had a lovely voice, he had blushed and returned to his room. After a little thought, you felt slightly stupid for not realizing that something was up with him sooner. “M-Master, a little more… A little lower” Jimin moaned while you cuddled up against him. Your face went beet red as you repeated the word ‘lower’ in your mind. Doing as he suggested you pressed further up against his hips. Grinding down on him, you felt something hard. He bit into your shirt while he miserably tried to control his heat. Jimin whined loudly, tears in his eyes “it’s almost done… My heat is almost over” You cuddled further into him, whispering small words of encouragement. Your cool skin against his felt refreshing, Jimin sighed contently, while he focused on preening into you.  You stopped everything you were doing, the second you looked at Smith. “That’s it. Show me that uncensored mating scene. A video of Harpy courtship is worth no less than three million. And paired with this uncensored footage, it could be worth four… No, five million. They’re dumb, too, so they’re easily manipulated” Taehyung said while holding his hand on top of Smith’s head.

Taehyung's hand, from his fingers to his wrist, was turned blue while he connected to Smith’s thoughts again. Taehyung offered an innocent boxy smile while continuing “we’re just getting to the sexiest part. I can’t take it anymore” Smith screamed in horror and jumped away from Taehyung, who tilted his head cutely. Hoseok, Jungkook, and Seokjin moved in front of Smith with furious expressions. “So that’s what you’ve been up to. Understanding? Friendship? Don’t make me laugh. You vulgar human! You should be ashamed! You were trying to make money off us?! Your camera and Jungkook’s skin… We’ll be taking them!” They all yelled. Hoseok unsheathed his sword, Jungkook coiled his tail which was vibrating with anger and Seokjin cracked his neck threateningly as he prepared to tackle.

Smith swiftly grabbed the bag with Jungkook’s shed skin and jumped away from the group, fiercely screaming “don’t touch me! Non-human species can’t hurt humans! This is my property. Part of me. You have no right to touch it!” A chill went through the air when Smith finally noticed you standing behind him. If the boys were angry, you were seething. Your anger manifested in the room as a silent storm, brewing, and thundering. Without any words, you grabbed Smith’s collar and punched him with everything you had. He stumbled back and hit his head on the floor. Jimin looked at you in adoration as you protected all of them. You turned to Taehyung and smiled gratefully “thanks, Tae. I didn’t know you had that ability. You can read minds, that’s impressive” he practically beamed at the praise. His hand returning to that nice tan skin tone instead of blue. While you all were distracted, Smith rushed out of the house, leaving behind both his camera and the bag of shed skin. Unfortunately escaping you all.

Jungkook stood by the kitchen cooking you all dinner while you discussed what to do with Jungkook’s shed skin and the camera. “I didn’t realize that videos of Jimin could be so valuable. What do we do?” Seokjin said with concern. Jimin who was finally through with his heat, sat closely cuddled up against you. He nuzzled his face into your neck, contently breathing in your scent as he enjoyed the feeling of you under his wing. Ignoring everything else. You sighed and turned to your head to look over your shoulder. “What should we do, Namjoon?” He leaned against the wall and stiffened his shoulders when you called him. “Don’t try to involve me. I don’t get paid enough for that” he sharply stated. Namjoon walked up beside you and pushed his sunglasses down to look you in the eyes, why he wore them at night you didn’t know, he whispered “Oh, and princess… The name and address on that director’s business card were fake. He seemed experienced in his trade so he could be a repeat offender. I’ll investigate him.” After you nodded in acknowledgment, Namjoon straightened his back and said: “by the way, what’s for dinner tonight?” You chuckled and responded “Jungkook’s cooking tonight. If you’re okay with that…” Everyone’s face paled, preparing themselves for the torture they were about to endure.

The room was dark and dusty. It was cluttered with all sorts of trash and old recordings. Most notably was the thick strands of spider webs hanging from every corner of the small room. A MONstars concert played loudly on the TV. “That damn kid. She ruined my snakeskin, camera, and data. I’ll have to gather more thread to make money again” Smith seethed to himself while collecting the strong webbing and spinning it into a thread. “You seem busy. Need some help? I’ve got lots” a deep, husky voice teasingly offered. Smith turned and looked to the ceiling, angrily yelling “don’t get a big head just because your thread sells! And you keep building webs everywhere! Can’t you keep them in one place?!” The voice repeated “one place? You mean like this?” 

Suddenly, webs snapped from every angle and Smith was completely tangled in a large cocoon, encasing his entire body. Smith screamed in terror while he was hoisted from the ground. “She casually threw away three million. She is either very kind or a wolf in sheep’s clothing. How disgusting... I’m a little interested” the voice chuckled to himself.

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[josephkitchen0]

How to Clean Creosote From a Wood Stove

In our home, knowing how to clean creosote from the stove pipe chimney is a job best handled by my wonderful husband. Although I do try to give a helping hand when it is time to clean it out, I find I’m more in the way than anything. He finds it important for me to have a good working knowledge of the process. When it comes to the question of how to clean creosote out of your wood-burning stove, we must understand how important a task it is.

Understanding the importance of a clean stove will even help us make better decisions on which stove to purchase and install. When looking at masonry stove plans or a nice soapstone addition for our homes, knowing what must be done to maintain it is part of the process.

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A clean wood stove will burn more efficiently and will generally be a safer stove to use in your home. The EPA says nearly 7 percent of all home fires in America are caused by creosote buildup in the chimney. So as great as wood heat is, we need to make sure we are safeguarding our families and homes from the danger.

When we’re running the stove every day in the winter, we can sometimes lose track of when it is time to clean it. This brings me to the first recommendation of staying on a cleaning schedule. Mark your calendar or simply put a reminder in your phone, but always remember, every day you use your stove, creosote is slowly building up inside the stove pipe.

How fast does this happen? Well, that depends on quite a few factors. The outside temperature, what kind of stove you have, how efficiently it burns, the quality of stove pipe you have, and most importantly what kind of wood you are burning are all factors.

Besides knowing the best way to split wood, the right choice in wood for burning is important. Some wood burns cleaner creating fewer toxins and creosote build up in your chimney. As for what kind of wood you should burn in your wood-burning cook stove or heater, the area you live in and what kind of wood you have available to cut, split and burn will determine that. However, you should only burn seasoned or dry wood in your stove if at all possible. Wood that burns great in our area is tamarack. Tamarack produces a nice long burn, gives off very little creosote to build up in your chimney, and leaves very fine ash to clean out and not much of it. Dense hardwoods like maple and oak have a higher energy content and so release more heat. They also burn longer. Softer woods like birch, pine, and spruce are less dense, so they burn out faster.

Growing up in the deep south, hardwoods like oak were the preferred firewood. Softer woods made an excellent fuel for spring and fall use since they warmed the house up and died out faster than the more dense hardwoods. I have read some about new stove models which can function well with a wider variety of wood types because of their better control of the combustion process compared to the older stoves we grew up with.

A wood stove is not for burning large amounts of trash, especially slick coated or shiny paper and plastics. Remember to never burn chemically treated wood such as pressure treated or painted. These materials can cause hazardous fumes inside your home. Even at small amounts, they will cause debilitating sinus problems.

Before we go through the tools you’ll need to clean your stove, let me share some things we have found that help make the job easier

Morning burn out

We burn the hardest, driest wood available. When splitting firewood, try to split some pieces into small two, four-inch diameter sizes for what we call the morning burn out. Every morning we get up and start the stove with these small, burn out pieces. We open the stove vents all the way so the fire gets plenty of oxygen. This does two helpful things every morning. First, it gets the house warmed up, nothing like drinking your morning coffee all warm and toasty. Second, it helps to warm up the stove pipe and loosens some of the creosote that has built up in the last twenty-four hours. This simple morning routine has cut down on the amount of creosote buildup in the stove pipe and keeps the stove burning as efficiently as it can.

Chimney log

We also have found burning a chimney cleaning log once in a while and especially a few days before it’s time to clean the stove has helped make the job of cleaning the creosote easier. We use this as an opportunity to do a safety check on the stove and pipe. We look for smoke leaks from the pipe on the inside of the house and for any dripping of creosote down the pipe. This helps us identify possible problem areas for us to focus on when manually cleaning the pipe.

Tools Needed

The type of stove you have, the type of wood you burn and any preventative measures you have in place, may affect the frequency of how often you have to clean the creosote from your chimney. However, you will still need to have a regular cleaning and safety check schedule in place. Depending on the type of stove you have, you will need some or all of these tools to finish the job properly and safely.

A drop cloth or newspapers to protect your floor

A chimney brush

Gloves

Small hand brush

Ash shovel

Metal ash container to collect the ashes in for disposal later

Spray bottle containing a vinegar/water/ammonia mixture or commercial glass cleaner

Old newspapers to clean and polish the glass

Screwdriver to disconnect the stove pipe where needed

Ladder to reach top of stove pipe

Be sure the fire is out of the stove and the pipe and stove have had sufficient time to cool. Once you’re securely on the roof, inspect the pipe for any damage or signs of wear. Make any repairs necessary.

Use the chimney brush according to the manufacturer’s instructions. You may also want to check your stove instruction book to see if there are any special requirements for chimney brushing.

Proceed to clean the pipe from the top, letting gravity carry the creosote down the pipe and into the stove. Once the pipe is clean, you can sweep the ash and creosote debris into the ash pan or waiting bucket. Sweep the ash pan compartment. Empty the ash pan into the bucket and set outside in case of cinders.

If you have a glass door, now is the time to clean it. Your stove is clean and ready for a new fire to be built. You may want to keep the ashes to spread on your garden. I keep them for my asparagus bed!

There you have it. How to clean creosote from a wood stove. Do you have any tips or suggestions for how to clean creosote to share with us based on your experience? Be sure to comment below.

Safe and Happy Journey,

Rhonda and The Pack

A special thanks to my own personal chimney sweep, J

  How to Clean Creosote From a Wood Stove was originally posted by All About Chickens

[josephkitchen0]

How to Clean Creosote From a Wood Stove

In our home, knowing how to clean creosote from the stove pipe chimney is a job best handled by my wonderful husband. Although I do try to give a helping hand when it is time to clean it out, I find I’m more in the way than anything. He finds it important for me to have a good working knowledge of the process. When it comes to the question of how to clean creosote out of your wood-burning stove, we must understand how important a task it is.

Understanding the importance of a clean stove will even help us make better decisions on which stove to purchase and install. When looking at masonry stove plans or a nice soapstone addition for our homes, knowing what must be done to maintain it is part of the process.

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A clean wood stove will burn more efficiently and will generally be a safer stove to use in your home. The EPA says nearly 7 percent of all home fires in America are caused by creosote buildup in the chimney. So as great as wood heat is, we need to make sure we are safeguarding our families and homes from the danger.

When we’re running the stove every day in the winter, we can sometimes lose track of when it is time to clean it. This brings me to the first recommendation of staying on a cleaning schedule. Mark your calendar or simply put a reminder in your phone, but always remember, every day you use your stove, creosote is slowly building up inside the stove pipe.

How fast does this happen? Well, that depends on quite a few factors. The outside temperature, what kind of stove you have, how efficiently it burns, the quality of stove pipe you have, and most importantly what kind of wood you are burning are all factors.

Besides knowing the best way to split wood, the right choice in wood for burning is important. Some wood burns cleaner creating fewer toxins and creosote build up in your chimney. As for what kind of wood you should burn in your wood-burning cook stove or heater, the area you live in and what kind of wood you have available to cut, split and burn will determine that. However, you should only burn seasoned or dry wood in your stove if at all possible. Wood that burns great in our area is tamarack. Tamarack produces a nice long burn, gives off very little creosote to build up in your chimney, and leaves very fine ash to clean out and not much of it. Dense hardwoods like maple and oak have a higher energy content and so release more heat. They also burn longer. Softer woods like birch, pine, and spruce are less dense, so they burn out faster.

Growing up in the deep south, hardwoods like oak were the preferred firewood. Softer woods made an excellent fuel for spring and fall use since they warmed the house up and died out faster than the more dense hardwoods. I have read some about new stove models which can function well with a wider variety of wood types because of their better control of the combustion process compared to the older stoves we grew up with.

A wood stove is not for burning large amounts of trash, especially slick coated or shiny paper and plastics. Remember to never burn chemically treated wood such as pressure treated or painted. These materials can cause hazardous fumes inside your home. Even at small amounts, they will cause debilitating sinus problems.

Before we go through the tools you’ll need to clean your stove, let me share some things we have found that help make the job easier

Morning burn out

We burn the hardest, driest wood available. When splitting firewood, try to split some pieces into small two, four-inch diameter sizes for what we call the morning burn out. Every morning we get up and start the stove with these small, burn out pieces. We open the stove vents all the way so the fire gets plenty of oxygen. This does two helpful things every morning. First, it gets the house warmed up, nothing like drinking your morning coffee all warm and toasty. Second, it helps to warm up the stove pipe and loosens some of the creosote that has built up in the last twenty-four hours. This simple morning routine has cut down on the amount of creosote buildup in the stove pipe and keeps the stove burning as efficiently as it can.

Chimney log

We also have found burning a chimney cleaning log once in a while and especially a few days before it’s time to clean the stove has helped make the job of cleaning the creosote easier. We use this as an opportunity to do a safety check on the stove and pipe. We look for smoke leaks from the pipe on the inside of the house and for any dripping of creosote down the pipe. This helps us identify possible problem areas for us to focus on when manually cleaning the pipe.

Tools Needed

The type of stove you have, the type of wood you burn and any preventative measures you have in place, may affect the frequency of how often you have to clean the creosote from your chimney. However, you will still need to have a regular cleaning and safety check schedule in place. Depending on the type of stove you have, you will need some or all of these tools to finish the job properly and safely.

A drop cloth or newspapers to protect your floor

A chimney brush

Gloves

Small hand brush

Ash shovel

Metal ash container to collect the ashes in for disposal later

Spray bottle containing a vinegar/water/ammonia mixture or commercial glass cleaner

Old newspapers to clean and polish the glass

Screwdriver to disconnect the stove pipe where needed

Ladder to reach top of stove pipe

Be sure the fire is out of the stove and the pipe and stove have had sufficient time to cool. Once you’re securely on the roof, inspect the pipe for any damage or signs of wear. Make any repairs necessary.

Use the chimney brush according to the manufacturer’s instructions. You may also want to check your stove instruction book to see if there are any special requirements for chimney brushing.

Proceed to clean the pipe from the top, letting gravity carry the creosote down the pipe and into the stove. Once the pipe is clean, you can sweep the ash and creosote debris into the ash pan or waiting bucket. Sweep the ash pan compartment. Empty the ash pan into the bucket and set outside in case of cinders.

If you have a glass door, now is the time to clean it. Your stove is clean and ready for a new fire to be built. You may want to keep the ashes to spread on your garden. I keep them for my asparagus bed!

There you have it. How to clean creosote from a wood stove. Do you have any tips or suggestions for how to clean creosote to share with us based on your experience? Be sure to comment below.

Safe and Happy Journey,

Rhonda and The Pack

A special thanks to my own personal chimney sweep, J

  How to Clean Creosote From a Wood Stove was originally posted by All About Chickens