#I know there's probably some etymology shit to explain why that that one guy on yt would know but not here the only ology posting here is

[hercarisntyours]

Elita literally goes with everything, e.g catlita, drunklita, owlita, momlita, lovelita and more

[feraliminal]

Titan TVman and Beowulf are Basically the Same Character: Why Skibidi Toilet Is Folklore

It’s been a long time since I’ve touched the hellsite (I used to doodle and write dirty fic), but I’m fascinated by the silly toilet men videos, their popularity, and the confusion about their popularity. And because I’m a huge nerd and always want to know why people do things, I wrote something. It’s too long to leave on my Notes app and forget about, and I’m also not letting skibidi toilets anywhere near my serious blog. So I actually came back to Tumblr for this.

(Also the first stupid doodle I’ve done in forever, here’s the original meme.)

Toilet humour is obviously a huge part of why it’s so popular, and imho it’s a poop joke that got bigger than the creator intended it to. Toilets are endlessly amusing, particularly for kids, because learning to manage your waste is essential to being a civilised person but something that no one really wants to do. Some of the first conflicts between kids and their parents are often around cleanliness and potty training, and as we get older, the toilet is one of the few places where we’re first alone, particularly if we share a bedroom with siblings. Childlore and fiction about childhood is full of toilets: bullies that strike in school toilets, toilet ghosts like Bloody Mary and Hanako-san, people who died on the loo, and rats or spiders that bite your bum. It’s a classic example of a liminal space that looks mundane but could be full of scary shit.

So that’s my first smart theory, Skibidi Toilet is a contemporary haunted toilet story with something to do with dirt and discomfort vs tech. Clever theories about symbolism are fun and I think symbolism that feels relevant and familiar might be why something first attracts someone’s attention, but I don’t think it can explain the thing having fandom.

The only thing people love as much as poop jokes is stories about cool guys having punch ups, and there’s plenty of that as well. Visually and thematically, Skibidi uses all the tropes that we love in serious popular media - fights, explosions, monsters, giants, noise, the aforementioned cool robots. Swap out skibidi toilets for alien invaders, and cameramen with plungers for cyborgs with swords, and we’d have a respectable alien apocalypse story that’s identical to five other summer blockbusters. But as it is, it’s so ridiculous that it can only be a silly little internet video.

There’s a video by MatPat making a convincing argument that it’s actually about the conflict between independent content creators and the conventional media industry. But again, I think it’s also probably only indirectly what’s turning curious views into millions of subscriptions, especially since the earlier netlore was pretty niche. I think what viewers are picking up on is the dissonance between cool robots, apocalypse horror, and silly toilets, evidenced by most of the comments on YouTube being variation of “why is this actually good”. It’s got the same vibe as other stuff I’d classify as creepypasta-style or meme-style horror: Five Nights at Freddy’s, Among Us, Homestuck, and so on. In meme horror, there is an in-universe threat to characters that’s not played for laughs. However, something like a ridiculous gimmick, a parody of pop culture, or a dissonantly cute art style makes it clear that adult viewers who understand it as fiction don’t have to respect the threat.

The line between feared and respected has always been thin. A cool example of this is the word aglæca in Beowulf and other Old English texts. Aglæca is a debated word because it’s mainly used to describe monsters and demons, but is sometimes used to describe heroes and saints. Both the human hero Beowulf and his monster opponent Grendel are called aglæca. Based on this use and its etymology, some medieval studies scholars think it means something more like an uncanny and powerful outsider. I think a big part of meme horror’s appeal is that it’s still got heroes who are more or less serious characters fighting serious battles. We can respect the characters and their struggles even if we don’t fear the absurd stuff. I’ve chosen Titan TVman for my silly title because they’re the character that best embodies the “uncanny hero” aspect for me, but tbh I think that most meme horror heroes/anti-heroes seem to be these character types.

We know that enjoying horror fiction helps some people manage anxiety and fear, and comedy horror can help us laugh at fear. With the retained seriousness besides the playfulness, meme horror might be more beneficial than basic serious or comedy horror as a comfortably uncomfortable middle ground between the two. Cringe is currently having a cultural moment too, where concerns about and celebrations of being cringe are everywhere, so it might also give us a way of exploring and processing our feelings about embarrassment as well as fear.

Memes, and therefore meme horror, are very amenable to being collaboratively and spontaneously adapted and spread by regular folk. They’re a new form of folklore, essentially. They address stuff that’s relevant to the lives of regular folk, including ugly and uncomfortable things. There’s even a theory that the culture of the very online has began an era of “secondary orality” where how we spread stories on the internet replicates how we used to spread folk stories by word-of-mouth. Secondary orality is a double-edged sword, as it can build creative and supportive communities, but also spreads conspiracy theories and hate. No wonder some of us might not be having our needs fulfilled by regular horror fiction, if we’re facing the bad kind of secondary orality as well as everything else that’s going on in the world. (More allegories! An increasingly absurd and hostile world is another theme in Skibidi Toilet.)

The 1938 book Homo Ludens argued that doing things just for fun has defined features and benefits: play gives us freedom to express ourselves, it’s separate from everyday life, it allows us to construct new worlds with new rules, and it’s never compulsory or for profit. When we’re bombarded by media that’s designed to extract the maximum amount of profit from us, engaging with mainstream entertainment might sometimes feel not as playful or as voluntary. But by being a bit cringe, meme horror retains the appearance of being indie and just for fun even if it becomes obscenely popular.

So, for me, this is what Skibidi Toilet is about. It’s about new folklore playing the same role as old folklore, even if it looks like silly toilet men videos, because we’re essentially the same people as our ancestors telling monster stories around the fire.

[youkaigakkou-tl]

does seimei have clairvoyance as his divine magic? does that mean even human can have divine magic??

that's Haruaki's guess at least, and he's often (at least partially) right about stuff like this so 🤔

my personal interpretation (very biased) is that it's saying Seimei isn't entirely human and is at least some part god or youkai, because it would explain why he's so weird and also a lot of the weird dialogue choices (ranmaru telling douman "you're only human don't be reckless") but this is pretty interesting to think about so heres the 2 opposing theories

Theory 1: Seimei is entirely human

Seimei being entirely human and still able to use a form of youkai magic is possible, given the story's shown that gods and youkai aren't actually that different, since gods can become youkai and both are affected by Haruaki/Seimei's exorcism power (albeit to different degrees). it wouldn't be a stretch to say that humans and youkai aren't all that different either, given all the ways a human can become a youkai, and also the fact that they can interbreed. the only difference here it seems, is that humans don't have spirit energy, which is what divine magic runs off of. but then in this scenario it wouldn't be that weird for there to be a human born with spirit energy, as an outlier. (and also, just went back to read ch76, human life force = youkai spirit energy????)

but then at this point it gets into like, what makes a youkai a youkai? it's like irl science etymology, it's not like some higher power decided that "nekomata" are called "nekomata", its people assigning the name to the category "cats that have 2 tails". so if there was a human that had spirit energy, the one universal distinction between youkai and humans, wouldn't that just make him some kind of youkai? (shit. how did this veer off into "seimei isn't human" anyway. dammit.)

there's also the possibility that Seimei's clairvoyance has nothing to do with divine magic or any sort of youkai/god magic, but if that's the case why have Haruaki bring it up at all?

Theory 2: Seimei is not entirely human

by the way these 2 theories have no real bearing on "is Haruaki entirely human?", which is its own separate hypothetical that i have spent way too long thinking about.

Seimei not being entirely human does have precedent in the irl myths surrounding the guy, and is also the occam's razor in this situation i think.

but this would also mean that the "sees the future" and "exorcism powers" parts of his skillset come from different sources, given that in this case the clairvoyance would come from being part youkai/god and the exorcism powers... who knows lol?

well. this is working off the assumption that the exorcism power isn't based in spirit energy or any sort of youkai magic, given that its stated to "cleanse spirit energy" and also inferences from renren arc:

the only way this would have worked is if Haruaki and Amaaki looked the same to Kurai's spirit energy sight, whether Haruaki knew it or not. this is ALSO working off the assumption that Kurai knows what Haruaki looks like to his spirit energy sight, since they've met at the underground culture festival previously. (otherwise, if Amaaki at the Nyuudou mansion looked different from how Haruaki looked at the culture fes, Kurai would have noticed immediately)

OF COURSE, this is working off a 3rd layer of assumptions that Amaaki to the spirit sight looks like a regular human. it's just as possible that Ame and Haru look the same to the spirit sight but they're both different from how regular humans look, which would also fulfill "to the spirit sight, Haru = Ame ≠Yamazaki" (but also, if Haru did look significantly different from other humans to spirit sight, i think Takahashi would have strapped him to a dissection table by now) (ah shit now this started veering into "is haruaki human" territory)

so basically. his exorcism power probably doesn't come from spirit energy/youkai magic. (this is such a "no shit sherlock" statement on its own but i think it helps to iron out the possibilities)

this split in the skillset also makes a lot of sense, since Haruaki very much has the exorcism power but not the clairvoyance. (although. is this assumption actually true? does he actually not have clairvoyance? there is that scene in ch82 where he suddenly sees heian era Seimei. its so easily written off as general soul nonsense or part of the general kyoto nonsense, what with Byakko's disembodied voice calling for him as well, but with the knowledge now, it looks kinda 🤨. there's also the start of miki arc, where he has that dream about Seimei fighting the shutendouji, which could be 1. just a dream, 2. soul nonsense again, 3. clairvoyance??? 🤨) also, in ch87 after meeting Seimei, he sends Haruaki to Sano, which we now are told is a whole other type of divine magic!!

anyway. this scene is funny bc out of all the possible flashbacks, this one? since to the reader, in a meta sense, "haruaki's soul is going to get fixed" isn't a prediction at all its just what's going to happen. and also to the reader, Seimei is a inscrutable little shit who can do whatever he wants to do and say whatever he wants to say and trying to figure out why and how is a fool's errand and so you give up.

(but it is curious why this panel specifically, and why this quoted text, when right on the previous page Seimei was outright saying "i know how you're doing in the present and i know what's going to happen to you in the future")

(ive also seen people surprised that Haruaki remembered that encounter since he didn't have his memory soul piece yet. i didnt think it was that weird, since clearly even with just the 2 soul pieces he was conscious, heard where Sano was and went looking for him, and his short term memory was working since at the end of the same chapter he remembered Seimei telling him to "give his regards to Douman" minutes prior)

ok this went in all kinds of directions back to the questions in the actual ask...

does seimei have clairvoyance as his divine magic?

this is what Haruaki thinks is going on, and the manga puts focus on it either because he's somewhat right or there's another point to it.

does that mean even human can have divine magic?

given the story hasn't had much focus on humans, and all the human characters that get any focus are weird outliers (Haruaki, Seimei, past Douman) i think a more feasible version of the question to think about is "does that mean even Seimei, a human, can have divine magic", to which i think the "Seimei is human/nonhuman" thing could go either way without messing with the themes of the story, and there's not concrete evidence for or against either. in conclusion: idk lol

[thorraborinn]

Since we are memeing about geographical etymology can I ask whether the Norse™ had a conception of Scandinavia the peninsula? It seems they don't have a word for it (the closest i can find is Scania which is a borrowed word from the Romans as the name of the southern part and i doubt the Romans knew Scandinavia is a peninsula). Also does Scandinavia have anything to do with Skaldi?

Tumblr fucked up the formatting and rearranged all my text, I think I got it back to something readable but if something looks erratic that's probably why.

All of this is a little unclear, but as far as I know, the running theories go something like this.

The southernmost part of Sweden is called Skåne, which in Old Norse is Skáney. The -ey does indeed mean 'island,' why it would be called that I don't know. Skåne is even more obviously not an island than the rest of the peninsula (though I can't talk shit as someone from New Jersey, from Old Norse Geirsey 'spear-island' though more likely meaning 'island of [a guy named Geir]').

One helpful thing to know is that cognates of ey, previously *awjō, in some places and times, didn't exclusively mean the same thing that we mean when we say "island." The word *awjō is pretty transparently derived from *ahwō, meaning 'water' (in fact, it's the Germanic cognate of Latin aqua). Most etymologists reconstruct a Proto-Germanic meaning something like 'island; wetland,' because in some Germanic languages, it does also mean 'wetland' (though attested Nordic languages aren't among them). If it had that meaning at an earlier time, something that wasn't an island got named that, and then the general meaning of the word narrowed down to 'island,' we end up with a silly and inaccurate name. Supposedly cognates of *awjō do show up meaning 'peninsula' but I'm having trouble confirming.

On whether or not Scandinavians knew that Scandinavia is a peninsula... This might be more knowable than this, but I'm not great at medieval understandings of geography. I believe that at least some of them did. Oththere of Hålogaland probably did, anyway. How widespread this knowledge would have been, I can't say. For most Scandinavians, it probably was as good as an island in a functional sense, since it would be impractical and dangerous to attempt land travel all the way up the peninsula and back down again. Though, the Old Norse word for the Gulf of Bothnia is Helsingjabotn, botn literally meaning 'bottom' but in geographical description meaning the "head" or "source" of something generally, less likely to be applied to a body of water they considered to wrap around back to the rest of the ocean on the other side (though not impossible).

The Romans, however, did consider it an island. Nothing real surprising there. When they learned about it and asked what this place is called they were apparently told that it was Skåney (probably something more like *Skadinawju at the time). According to Wiktionary, Latin Scandinavia alternates with other forms like Scadinavia. This is another thing that one could certainly research further, but I'm not going to because I don't feel like it. They seem to have then either applied that name beyond its boundaries, or this was confused later on, I don't know.

Okay, so now onto the meaning, and to Skaði. I have to do a little grammar here to explain why Skaði the goddess and not some other word like skaði 'damage' is being implicated here.

The Old Norse name Skaði appears with two different declension patterns in Old Norse manuscript, one resembling a feminine īn-stem noun (like elli, old age, also the old woman who wrestles Thor), and one resembling a masculine an-stem, which are very common words like Loki, bogi 'bow', etc etc. The difference is that, no matter the grammatical case, elli is always elli. So to say who Þjazi is, you would say faðir Skaði 'Skaði's father.' A masculine word like Loki does change, it changes to Loka, like Loka senna. So ie resembling a feminine īn-stem noun (like elli, old age, also the old woman who wrestles Thor), and one resembling a masculine an-stem, which are very common words like Loki, bogi 'bow', etc etc. The difference is that, no matter the grammatical case, elli is always elli. So to say who Þjazi is, you would say faðir Skaði 'Skaði's father.' A masculine word like Loki does change, it changes to Loka, like Loka senna. So if you are declining Skaði's name like that, you would call Þjazi faðir Skaða.

īn-stem: *skadī ~ *skadīn-

an-stem: *skada ~ skadan-

Both of these appear in Norse texts, and it's technically impossible to tell which comes earlier, and both have things going for them. In support of the "feminine first" theory, īn-stems are not exceptionally common. That makes it less likely for a word to spontaneously turn into one. It's not that they're super rare, but masculine an-stems are very common. Another thing is that, while it's certainly possible for a person or figure in Norse literature to have a name with grammatical gender that doesn't really line up with their social gender (e.g. Sturla Þorðarson), that is very uncommon.

Against this theory, it's harder to explain why there isn't umlaut: **Skeði (compare ergi from argr -- there actually is a good argument to be made that this doesn't matter, but few if any examples to demonstrate it), and having an īn-stem as a personal name is SUPER uncommon (Elli being, as far as I know, the only one, and that one is only because elli is already a common noun that the figure is a reference to).

As an aside, another name for Skaði may be discernible from an apparent place-name Skeðjuhof. A name like Skeðja would be a much more normal-looking name and if it's real is definitely secondary, derived from trying to level out the problems I just identified with both of the two possibilities for her original name.

Anyway, if indeed it was an īn-stem then yeah, that's probably what we're looking at in the first part of *Skadīn-awjō.

It is admittedly another leap to say that this word in this context definitely meant the actual goddess Skaði, and alternative interpretations are out there, but that's pretty much the only actual attested word we have that might be reconstructed to *skadīn- so it would be irresponsible not to at least consider it.

There isn't a Scandinavian word for Scandinavia (the peninsula) that isn't borrowed from Latin (so yeah, Skáney left Germanic into Latin and then was borrowed back into Germanic but now with the misunderstood meaning from Latin now having a new relevance and usefulness). The normal Old Icelandic word for the region in general is norðrlǫnd 'north-lands' but there really aren't clear boundaries to it. I don't know if an Icelander would meant to include, like, Karelia in that word, and if not, I'm not sure if they meant to include areas populated predominately by Saami in Norway and Sweden. I'm not sure if they felt a need to make that explicit.

So the tl;dr version is: some of them might have had the necessary requirements to know that Scandinavia was shaped somewhat like what it is, but the concept of "Scandinavia" probably wasn't meaningful or relevant enough for them to need to refer to it.

[ylvisforalltid]

My recap/review of På Holmen - Episode 2

I am a bit late with this one but once again, I invite everyone to discuss the second episode with me, either here, or on facebook in Ylvis- a group.

Here’s my chronological recap/review of the second episode of ‘Ylvis På Holmen med Calle og Magnus’

Episode 2

Do I have to believe Bård that he is drinking white wine when we know that they tried to sell us Pepsi Maxx as red wine on the boat intro?

 Dad jokester moves when talking about the fighter

Gotta love a fake showbiz smile, he does it so well

The intro really does give me a summer feeling; and also the idea of these four guys being part of a bad reality-show-like sitcom

I love the enthusiam with which especially Vegard and Bård sing the Holmen song

Calle being put on the spot with impro songs is fun to watch since one never knows how good or bad he is at it at that exact moment. The national anthem impro is a surprise I expected rather from Vegard than Bård; shows how much they share a brain after all

And genius to send Magnus and Calle really away directly at the beginning. I would imagine that Vegard is used to a lot of things when it comes to working with Bård, but that he really sends them away and the guys not knowing why, must have thrown everyone out of their game for a second.

Bård’s intro about Vegard is done so hilariously serious apart from the ‚charming seniors‘ joke which is very likely true as well though

And Bård will never let him live for singing in that Spirit movie

Confused Vegard is always cute

This whole beginning of the interview is taking a piss at all interviews where people ask them about their brotherly relationship.

I repeat: Confused Vegard is always cute

The irony of Bård knowing his brother so well that he knows how to get him with a comical bit that is all about him

Good for Vegard that Norway thinks he is funny but my favourite adjective on the board had to be „treffsikker“. I still laugh at the promo clip where he has to throw at the cans

The statistics were fascinating; but the concept of Vegard without Bård does sound weirder to me than Bård without Vegard. We saw them individually as guests on Brille before but I think together they’re still at their best

Vegard being proud of the fact that more men want to have sex with him than women, reminded me of a certain Senkveld interview moment.

The whole show seemingly being about Vegard is such a great joke in itself and actually shows whose names still pull in viewers and are the main title of the show

The grocery shopping bit was so fun to watch. Not only because of Vegard cluelessly wandering around the shop but also very much because of his brother finding great delight in his big brother’s struggles. The brothers challenging each other is often the greatest thing to watch. Sometimes more than a task itself.

The fact that Vegard had strapped a gopro camera to his chest but none of that footage was used, shows they know what we want to see. Not only the task itself but the struggle and the reaction of his brother towards the struggle

Vegard always in explaining mode and trying to identify what he is holding in his hands, trying but not always succeeding

Bård’s joke challenge must have been gruesome for the three, maybe worst for Vegard and Calle who are probably more used to not only write but already brainstorm as a team. But Magnus did have a point with his oven remark. Magnus seemed also the most relaxed at taking this task which I didn’t expect. He was actually entertaining a non-present audience while the other two looked and acted more panicky.

There’s still the wax seal stamp on Vegard’s envelope which tells us his envelope got closed last

The brick background to imitate an open mic night pub setting is a nice touch

Vegard’s joke of course had a nerd factor to it. Did I find it funny? No.

Greven av grønt reminds me of ‘Oppgave med straff’ from o-fag times

It’s fun that the questions actually teach the audience some info

Bård being struck to the ground and calling for Mama was kinda sweet, in a very painful way

Knowing how much Vegard got affected by that kick and the whole aftermath of it makes it harder to watch, despite Bård’s glee

Teasing Magnus that he might be punished for winning that game was hilarious to watch.

If anything showed that they might have worked long with Magnus but that the other three are longer friends, then it was this bit.

Bård giving etymology for the word ‘hematoma’ gave me o-fag ‘ibux’ flashbacks

Emil Meek actually answering Magnus’ impro question wasn’t the plan but Bård being a seasoned host, knew how to not only change to the original plan but how to do it elegantly

As a fan it disturbed me that Emil Meek had to put on Bård’s costume to sing Vegard’s part

Side note: I am fascinated by the lighting changes throughout the show

The dentasticks in the glasses were a nice touch when serving the meal

I still don’t understand how they edit that Garden segment.

I loved that some got very into the actual design part of the recreation of the coat of arms and putting aside the fact that it’s made out of feces

I agree with the boys‘ anger about the golden bucket. I didn’t agree with Linda getting it and I also didn’t agree with Siri’s reasoning for it

But Bård could sometimes use a filter before speaking up, he’s relentless

Vegard taking Siri’s and Linda’s side surprised me, and more so that he sounds like he means it

Calle starting a women vs. men discussion and Vegard not wanting to get into it was another thing I didn’t see coming and I wonder how much of that got cut

Ever so often the Ylvis brothers disagree on a huge level and I have to admit it’s entertaining to watch

Vegard looking like the scottish Scrooge McDuck with that hat is adorable

And instantly followed by little shit brother Bård bonding with Aleksander over his wish that Vegard will lose every game

Bård losing the golf game must have hurt but I guess if he has to give the win to somebody, I would think he's glad that it’s Calle

At the end Bård forcing an impro song on Vegard and Vegard panicking and making it sound like an angry fake italian version of the Las Ketchup song. I know he can do better than that.

But all in all a very good second episode after a mixed start with the first episode.

[swshadowcouncil]

What’s In A Name? Cases For And Against “Rey” Skywalker

Written by needsmoresprinkles.

Originally posted on the Star Wars Shadow Council weblog.

It’s no secret that Rey’s name has been the subject of fierce debate over the past few years—is she Rey Skywalker? Rey Kenobi? Rey Palpatine-Calrissian-Sleazebaggano? Instead of wading into that particular topic, however, I’d like to address a different part of the mystery surrounding Rey’s moniker. Namely, is her name really Rey after all?

We already know that Rey was separated from her family at a very young age; so young, in fact, that she has virtually no memories of her life before Jakku. And, given that she seemingly has no memory of her last name either (or else is really bad at putting two and two together), it’s reasonable to wonder whether or not Rey has forgotten or changed her original name since the time she and her family were separated.

Full disclosure: since I do have to SOMEHOW limit the scope of this article, I’m basing my analysis on the evidence-based assumption that Rey is Luke Skywalker’s daughter. You can read some good cases for it here, here, and even here, in this imgur album. If this is indeed true, how could the daughter of the galaxy’s most famous Jedi forget so thoroughly who she is and where she came from? On the flip side, if Rey can remember her first name, why can’t she remember anything else about her origins, including her family name? Or does Rey actually know more than she lets on?

Buckle in, boys and girls, because it’s time for me to have an argument with myself on the internet. I present to you, the evidence for and against Rey Skywalker.

EVIDENCE FOR “REY” SKYWALKER

EXHIBIT A: It’s really hard to forget your own name

This one’s kind of a gimme. By the age of 4 or 5 (when Rey, as far as we know, was separated from her family), virtually all children know their own name. In order for Rey to forget her “real” name and start going by “Rey,” she would have to suffer an event that almost entirely wiped her memory prior to the events of her separation. The fact that we don’t know for sure how much Rey actually remembers, however, makes this point difficult to refute completely. Canon materials have been inconsistent and vague about how clearly Rey remembers losing her family, and the interrogation scene between Rey and Kylo indicates that there may be “walls” put up in Rey’s mind that prevent others—and maybe herself—from seeing her memories clearly. If Rey is in fact a false name, there must have been a seriously memory-altering event in Rey’s past that resulted in her losing sight of her true identity so thoroughly.

EXHIBIT B: Who would have named her?

An odd point, but an interesting one. If Rey did forget her own name, and presumably grew up parentless, who would have given her the name Rey? Some have argued that Rey got her name from Dosmit Raeh, the pilot whose helmet she wears in the opening scenes of TFA, but this was (somewhat) debunked by Pablo Hidalgo, who tweeted that “Raeh” was an in-joke from someone on the production team, whose children had initials beginning with “R” and “H,” and that the “ae” was an Aurebesh substitution for an ampersand. It’s possible that the writers were inspired by this to change Rey’s name midway through production (which they did, but more on that later), but it’s a stretch to think such a small detail would spark such a major change. So, unless we find out Unkar Plutt turned out to be a more devoted father figure than we imagined, it’s likely that Rey began introducing herself as Rey of her own accord. And given that most 5-year-old girls given the opportunity to name themselves would go with something more akin to “Baby T-Rex Ballerina” than “Rey,” this seems good evidence in favor of Rey going by her real name.

EXHIBIT C: Why would Rey be using a deliberate pseudonym?

Some have suggested that not only does Rey know more about her identity than she’s letting on, but that she is in fact deliberately hiding who she really is from those around her. Her odd comment to BB-8 about having a “classified” identity seems to hint at this, although it could also be a lighthearted joke poking fun at a cute robot acting like a member of MI6. But—again, assuming she is Rey Skywalker—her surprised reaction to hearing about Luke, a man who shares her last name, pretty clearly indicates there are parts of her identity she genuinely doesn’t know about. If Rey is using a pseudonym, it’s either because she’s someone other than Luke’s daughter and this whole argument is made irrelevant (again, refer back to the above links to see why I think this isn’t the case), or because she somehow knows she needs to keep her true identity a secret but doesn’t fully know why.

(Bonus: Obi-Wan calls her “Rey”)

If there’s one person who’s in the business of “knowing everything about the protagonist, up to and including things the protagonist doesn’t know about themselves,” it’s Obi Wan Kenobi. So in Rey’s force vision, when we hear that clever little cut of Alec Guinness calling out “Rey?” we’re dealing with a guy who usually knows who and what he’s talking about. Since this is pretty minor evidence, I’m not going to give it its own exhibit heading, but it’s worth considering nonetheless.

EVIDENCE FOR “SOMEONE ELSE” SKYWALKER

EXHIBIT A: Han’s Reaction

This is my personal biggest indicator that “Rey” might not be our protagonist’s real name. Let’s assume that, however busy he was gallivanting around the galaxy, Han was at least tuned-in enough to know that his brother-in-law/best friend had a daughter at some point, and would have probably remembered her name. So when he comes across a desert-dwelling, backseat-driving, scrappy mechanic kid with no family who was born right around the time his niece was, you would think his reaction would be slightly more intense than this:

There are a million different ways you can analyze Harrison Ford’s delivery here (and unfortunately, the scene isn’t on YouTube, so you can’t hear the vocal inflections he uses), but he certainly doesn’t stop dead in his tracks the way he might if he found out this grown-up version of his preschool-age niece just happened to have the exact same name as her. All we can observe is that Han hesitates and avoids eye contact while asking Rey her name, softens and smiles slightly when he hears it, but then immediately continues with what he was previously saying. Whether his reaction is then one of dismissal (“Well, guess I was wrong.”) or poignant happiness (“So that’s what the little scamp goes by now, huh?”), it certainly doesn’t read as someone who just discovered the biggest “coincidence” of his life.

EXHIBIT B: Rey’s name changed mid-production

Those of us who followed TFA hype from the beginning know that Rey’s original name was “Kira” (or “Keera,” depending on who you ask), which was then changed to “Rey” when the crew was already filming in Abu Dhabi. So why would JJ suddenly feel strongly enough to change his protagonist’s name midway through filming? Simple answer: he liked “Rey” better. Alternate answer: Rey’s real name is (or, rather, was) Kira, and the TFA team decided that it would be easier from a storytelling perspective if she went by a different name than her birth name while on Jakku. Based on deleted lines from the novelizations of The Force Awakens, such as Kylo’s “It is you!” and the mysterious male voice in Rey’s vision saying “I’ll come back, sweetheart, I promise,” there’s some evidence Rey’s identity was originally far more obvious than it ended up being in the final film. So if the production team did indeed make the choice to play things closer to the vest partway through production, they may have given Rey a pseudonym to prevent scenes like Han and Rey’s introduction from giving away too much. And, although I am loath to go into etymology territory here, “Kira” is derived from a Sanskrit wordmeaning “beam of light,” or “ray of light.” So there is some evidence that the name “Rey” wasn’t picked at random just because it sounds cool, given that it shares a meaning with the character’s previous name. Now that the infamous Han Solo spinoff has a female lead named Kyra (thought to be pronounced KEE-rah), it seems unlikely that this particular name will be revealed to be Rey’s real one. But the connection between Rey’s original old and new names gives us an indication that there was some method to the madness of renaming her so comparatively late in the production process.

EXHIBIT C: ¿Por que no los dos?

If I were a betting woman, my money might be on this option. Although Luke is most closely associated with Tatooine, and Leia with Alderaan, their longest-running family lineage stems from the planet of Naboo. And if there’s one thing we know, it’s that the Naboo people LOVE names that end in “-ey” sounds. So much so that when you list some of them by name—Saché, Sabé, Dormé, Cordé, Rabé, Eirtaé, Padmé–it sounds like a deleted verse from RuPaul’s 1993 classic, “Supermodel.” So is it really so inconceivable that Luke and Mama Skywalker decided to name their daughter something befitting her Naboo roots (or even just a pretty name featuring the syllable “-ré” or “-rey”)? In this sense, maybe Rey both is and isn’t our heroine’s real first name. If she was, say, Freya, Aurelia, or Reyna Skywalker (just to use a few earthling names and spare myself the embarrassment of trying to invent Naboo-sounding ones), her going by “Rey” would explain Han’s reaction—this was, indeed, likely his niece, but she went by a nickname that gave him just enough doubt to keep him from being entirely stunned by the revelation. This is also a great way to show that Rey’s developed her own identity, allowing her to keep the name she’s been using for ¾ of her life (and, more cynically, the name she’s been marketed as by Disney, Hasbro, et al), while also explaining why neither Han nor Leia, at any point, went “Holy shit, her name is Rey? Like, Luke’s Rey?” like any normal person would.

CONCLUSION

Look, at this point, we’re less than a month out from the movie, and this article will either be tossed aside or get me hailed as some sort of Star Wars psychic (but will, in either case, be mostly irrelevant). So I can only speak for myself when I say that I think Rey will, ultimately, be the name that our protagonist goes by for the remainder of the trilogy. But I think there is a very good chance it is not her real and/or full name. If we are, in fact, dealing with the long-lost daughter of Luke Skywalker, we already know there’s a long and bumpy road to finding out all the secrets of who she is and how she got in her current situation, and her name being part of that unraveling mystery wouldn’t surprise me in the least. So, if you want to take my word for it, I’d say go ahead and get that custom-embroidered “I Love Rey, My Fictional Psychic Samurai Girlfriend” leather jacket you’ve been longing for. That’s relatable, right? Everybody wants one of those.

[barddom]

The Two Gentlemen of Verona

I had never read Two Guys, A Girl, And Pizza Place – I mean, The Two Gentlemen of Verona (hereafter referred to as Gentlemen or Two Gents) before now. This is probably because it’s not one of the big, hyped Shakespeare plays (see: Hamlet, Macbeth, King Lear), but upon reflection it could stand to be performed more often? Small cast, simple plot, neat – if completely ridiculous – resolution. 

 Anyway, I hadn’t read it, but I guessed, based on the title, that it was about two dudes from Verona. And I was right. That’s pretty much it. 

 Without even realising it, I’ve leapt straight from “Shakespeare’s Last Play” (Tempest) to this, which some people believe was “Shakespeare’s First Play”. It was definitely an early play, and an early comedy, written probably somewhere between the late 1580s and early 1590s. While I’m not usually someone who’s like, “Oh, it’s an early play, which is why it sucks!” it… might have something to do with why it’s not great. 

Don’t get me wrong. Gentlemen has friendship, passion, conflict, drama, loyalty, and cross-dressing! (And really, what else is there?) But after stepping off the ship from Prospero’s cell and landing in Milan, finding this scene on shore is a little underwhelming. Where are the harpy spirits and chess motifs? Why is nobody half naked and swearing at the sky? Also, Gentlemen is #problematic. But we’ll get to that. 

So many, so so many of Shakespeare’s plays are about, or involve intimate male friendships. This is because intimate male friendships were a Big Deal, at the time, and not just in a gay way, but in a totally heterosexual, platonic way. (But sometimes also in a gay way.) 

The difference between Shakespeare and other writers who lauded male friendships is that Shakespeare is… suspicious of them, or suspicious of the idealized versions of them. In all his plays about male friendship, these friendships aren’t perfect. I will talk more about this at length during my summary, I guess, but also when we read Hamlet later. (I feel a great many things about Horatio.) 

The first imperfect friendship we’re going to meet is these guys, Valentine and Proteus of Verona. (A part of me wants to already press pause and say, seriously? Valentine and Proteus? What kinda on-the-nose names are these? But then I remember that, as far as I know, while Chaucer had already somewhat popularised Valentine as a saint of love, I actually have no clue how widely that kind of language was used. And also “Proteus” doesn’t just mean “First” (first lover, first character, first play?) but is also, like, a god of the sea? So really I need to calm down about my etymological leaps.) 

Act One 

Here’s the deal. Valentine is about to leave Verona to go explore the world (see: Milan), but he doesn’t want to leave without Proteus. Normally, these two guys are inseparable! Amigos! Compadres! Guys being dudes, dudes being guys! But alas, Proteus can’t leave Milan. Why? Because he’s in looooove. He’s so gone for this chick Julia that he turns down an all-expenses paid gap year with his bff. In the next scene, we find Julia chatting with her friend Lucetta, and the conversation is basically this-- 

Lucetta: That Proteus guy totally has a thing for you. Julia: Oh my god, really? Lucetta: Uh, yeah! It’s sooooo obvious. Julia: I guess he’s… cute.  Lucetta: Julie… babes… you literally wrote I Heart Proteus in your notebook eight times since I walked into this room. Julia, looking down at her notebook: Oh shit, you’re right. I mean. What? 

Julia is so determined to deny that she likes Proteus that when Lucetta says she has a letter from him Julia literally rips it up! And then tries to piece it back together and kisses it? Like Helga Pataki or something. It’s the weirdest. (1.2.99-123) 

Meanwhile, Proteus’ dad doesn’t understand why his son would want to waste his time at home when he could go have bro-tastic adventures in Milan. (Also, I just checked: Milan and Verona are… very nearby each other. You could walk there in just a few days.) 

Proteus has received a letter from Julia saying she loves him back! They’ve traded vows! He gave her a ring! But he doesn’t tell his dad about that, because he is worried his father won’t approve. So Antonio – that’s dad – forces Proteus to go to Milan and have some fun, damnit. 

Act Two 

In Milan, we meet Silvia, the object of Valentine’s affections. He’s all over her like a rash, but he seems incapable of understanding how she flirts. Ironically, Speed – Valentine’s servant from Act 1 who is supposed to be dim as a rock – seems to be the only smart, funny character who Gets Stuff. (Unless I’m reading him as being too sarcastic where he is supposed to be sincere.) 

For example: Valentine writes a love letter to Silvia, and she tells him to keep it. He says, “Wait, no, it’s for you?” and she says, “Yeah, I asked you to write it. But it’s for you.” 

 “I’ll write you another one, then.” 

 “Then after you write that, read it, and if you like it, good. If you don’t like it, then think of ways to make it better.” 

 “And what if I like it?” 

 “Then keep it for yourself.” (2.1.109-123) 

Exit. 

Valentine is (I guess understandably) frustrated, but Speed, speaking in rhyme/verse (where he normally speaks in prose), makes fun of the situation, like, “Hahaha, you essentially wrote yourself a love letter, lmao.” Speed explains that Silvia is flirting by having Valentine write love letters and giving them back to him. She is giving him love letters: “Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her lover.” (2.1.156)

I have a soft spot for the fools, especially the fools that make fun of love and romance. Maybe I’m giving Speed too much credit, and he’s not actually smart/witty, just mean and a foil for the lovestruck protagonists. Fools are pretty much always a case of the wisest words coming from the foulest mouths. ANYWAY.

Silvia’s dad wants her to marry this guy Thurio, who she’s not keen on at all. And when Proteus turns up, he immediately forgets all about Julia and decides that he also wants to marry Silvia. Men are so predictable. 

 See, Valentine’s busy ribbing Proteus about Julia, and while Proteus is like, “Julia’s not a goddess. I just like her, mortal flaws and all,” Valentine is busy espousing the holy divinity of Silvia. Something in Proteus’ brain flips. He must have that goddess. 

Back in Verona, Julia is coming up with a Flawless Plan to go see Proteus in Milan. She needs to see him again or she’ll die. (2.7.15)

But she can’t travel as a woman, alone, without a male escort! So, she does what any rational woman would do, and decides to disguise herself as a boy. (Worth reminding you again: Milan and Verona are about 93 miles apart. That’s about a 3 day journey on foot.) 

 As this is the first time we, on this blog, are witnessing crossdressing in Shakespeare, it is worth reminding you that women did not act on the Elizabethan/Jacobean stage. All female characters are played by boys in drag, essentially. So when crossdressing happens – and it almost always happens with a girl pretending to be a boy – what is actually happening on stage is that a boy is pretending to be a woman pretending to be a boy. Layers!  

Act Three 

Proteus is plotting against Valentine, because nothing comes between two best dude friends better than a sexy lady. He tells Thurio – the other suitor – that Valentine has been sneaking up to see Silvia at night and that they’re planning on running away to elope. 

Thurio is like, “wtf?” and dobs this in to Silvia’s dad. The Duke is like, “Yeah….. I know….. it’s an issue.” Doubly an issue because Valentine has been tryna play the Duke like a harp. The Duke is too quick for this and tricks Valentine into revealing all his wooing techniques, and through some sort of weird trick involving a ladder (the logic of this train of thought remains unclear?) finds Valentine’s love letter to Silvia and is like “AHA!!!! YOU FIEND!!!” 

Valentine is told to leave Milan and never return. Boom. (3.1.120) 

The Duke is all, “Gee, I’m so glad my new friend Proteus tipped me off to all this. He’s such a stand up guy.” 

 Silvia, who was really into Valentine, is super pissed at her dad, and also wants nothing to do with Proteus since he’s the one who screwed everything up for her. Meanwhile, Proteus is trying to play Valentine’s old game, and pretends to be in favour of Thurio marrying Silvia. (Hint: this won’t work out well.) 

Act Four 

 On “the frontiers of Mantua”, Valentine and Speed get attacked by outlaws. If Mantua sounds familiar, it’s also where Romeo get’s banished to in Romeo and Juliet, so it’s clearly where all the rejects from the Italian justice system get sent.

Valentine lies to the outlaws and says he was banished by the Duke for killing a man. And they’re like, “Oh shit! This guy is legit! Let’s make him our leader!”

 And that’s how Valentine becomes the leader of a pack of outlaws. 

 Meanwhile, Thurio is futzing up his wooing of Silvia, because Proteus is giving him really bad advice, like singing bad songs and generally being annoying.

 There’s also a bit here where Proteus says, “… Yet, spanial-like, the more she spurns my love / The more it grows and fawneth on her still.” (4.2.14-5). This is almost the exact same line that Helena says in Midsummer re: Demetrius. Just worth mentioning. 

 This is when Julia enters, in boy’s clothes. (So, I guess it’s been three days.) She hears this song about Silvia and is like, “Woooooow. Ok. So… this sucks.”

 Even worse, she overhears a conversation between Silvia and Proteus, where he says, “Look, I was in love once, but that chick is dead, so… I’m wide open.” And Silvia responds, “That’s sad and all, but you also stabbed your best buddy in the back like a total tool. So I can never trust you, let alone love you.” 

 Silvia plans to escape Thurio, Proteus, and her father, and head to Mantua where she and Valentine can be together. Also, she gets rid of the little dog that Proteus gave her. Because who needs that shit around. 

 When Proteus sees that his dog has been returned to him, he’s like, “Fine! I can up my game!” He turns to Julia, who for some reason he doesn’t recognise, a la Lois Lane not recognising Superman when he has his hair done a little different, and says, “Take this ring and give it to Silvia.” 

It’s Julia’s ring! She is… crushed. 

 When Julia goes to give the ring to Silvia, like a lamb, she basically bursts into tears and says, “I knew Julia. And this belonged to her. And he wants to give it to you. But if she knew… she would… probably die forever and ever.” 

 Silvia – who, in my opinion, realises that this boy is actually Julia – says, “Take the ring, and this purse of money. Look, I’m crying too. Wow. Ok, bye.” 

Act Five (i.e. when things deteriorate quickly). 

Silvia wants to get the hell out of Milan, and she and Sir Elgamour talk about their plans outside Friar Patrick’s cell. They’re gonna run away! That always works well.

 (A lot of conspiring happens in, or by, a friar’s cell – see: Romeo and Juliet.)

 Meanwhile, Proteus being grilled by Thurio about Silvia. Does she like me? Does she hate me? What is going on! What Proteus really wants to know is what Silvia said to Julia aka Sebastian. 

 But before we can get any answer – the Duke bursts in and announces that Silvia has disappeared! Dun dun dun. 

“She’s fled unto that peasant Valentine.” Clever dad. 

 In the next scene, we find Silvia in the forest, alright, but Sir Elgamour is nowhere to be found! In fact: Silvia is being held captive by outlaws. I’m sure you, who is not an idiot, can see where this is going. 

 In the next scene, Valentine gives a speech about how lonely being the inexplicable leader of a band of outlaws can be, and how all he really wants is Silvia. Who cares about unchecked power and the loyalty of violent criminals when the love of your life has been taken away from you? Sigh. 

 But then, there’s a suspicious noise – and lo and behold, enter Proteus, Silvia, and Julia! 

Valentine steps aside into the shadows to eavesdrop on their conversation. 

Apparently Proteus (and Julia) helped rescue Silvia from the outlaws before she could successfully be taken to Valentine. 

 “What do you mean you still don’t want to fuck me!” Proteus complains. “After me and my servant rescued you and everything!” 

 “Dude,” Silvia replies, “I would literally rather be eaten by a lion than have you rescue me from anything.” (5.4.33-34) 

 “It’s a damn shame when a woman can’t love when she’s loved,” says Proteus.  

“It’s a damn shame when Proteus can’t love when he is loved by Julia who, yeah, I know is still alive, you steaming pile of human garbage. Also, I love Valentine, who was supposed to be your best friend,” Silvia replies – though I may be paraphrasing a little. 

 This is when Proteus, and I shit you not, “seizes her” and says, “I’ll woo you like a soldier, at arms’ end / And love you ‘gainst the nature of love – force you.” (5.4.59-60) 

That’s right. Proteus fully intends to rape Silvia then and there. 

 Valentine leaps out of the shadows and goes to rescue Silvia from Proteus, rightfully calling him all sorts of despicable names that I’m sure would have been very insulting to someone four hundred years ago. 

Naturally, Proteus drops everything (‘everything’ being Silvia) and apologises profusely. 

 “Okay, cool,” Valentine says. 

 Wait, what? OKAY COOL? “Then I am paid, / And once again I do receive thee honest”? How? 

 Similarly shocked by all these developments is Julia, who swoons. 

When everyone rushes to her side, she says, “Oh, I forgot to give Silvia this ring…” 

“But… this isn’t the ring I gave you to give Silvia. This is the ring I gave Julia!” Proteus says, like a genius. 

“Oh, right. I meant this ring,” Julia corrects herself, taking out the ring that she had given Proteus that he had then given Silvia. (Lots of rings.) 

“But wait, how did you get this ring?” Proteus asks, still not getting it. 

This is when Julia gives up and has mercy on everyone, and reveals herself to not be a little boy named Sebastian but a grown woman! And a very specific grown woman! 

After a bit of blushing about being seen in such immodest attire, Julia and Proteus kiss and make up. So now instead of a very messy love triangle/square/octagon, we just have two happy couples! Yay, heteronormativity restored!

Thurio, the Duke, and the band of outlaws all then rock up, presumably for the closing song. Are there going to be any consequences for anyone’s actions? No? Does Thurio hold this against Valentine? Absolutely not! What about the Duke? Any issues with his daughter ending up with the leader of a band of murderers? 

 “Sir Valentine, / Thou are a gentleman, and well derived; / Take thou thy Silvia, for thou hast deserved her.” (5.4.158-59) 

Nope, and nope. 

Closing remarks? 

I think we can see why Two Gents isn’t considered a piece of High Art in the way a lot of other Shakespeare plays are. It’s essentially the Shakespearean equivalent of a sitcom, or a formulaic romantic comedy. When trying to look Deep into Two Gents, most people point to the gender relations and the complications that arise with crossdressing on stage. There are also grounds to investigate the role of forests in Shakespeare’s plays – if it happens in the woods it’s bound to be interesting. Then of course there are the all-encompassing questions about love, and the truth of love, and the relativity of that truth. Proteus was so in love with Julia that he almost couldn’t bear to leave Verona, and yet as soon as he saw Silvia, any love he felt for Julia went flying out the window. Shakespeare once said that love looks not with the eye, but with the mind. I would say that Two Gents preaches exactly the opposite. Absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder; it just sets it loose on the nearest soft object. 

Things to accompany The Two Gentlemen of Verona 

Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place (1998- 2001) starring Ryan Reynolds. 

The Road to El Dorado 

“Same Girl” by R. Kelly and Usher 

I dunno, every sitcom ever.

[a-non-sequitur]

Rogue One: Second Viewing

- link to my other Rogue One blabberings -

Watched Rogue One for the second time today on the big screen.  Here are some more thoughts since I’m not inundated by “HOLY SHIT” feelings from experiencing it the first time. There may be some repeat thoughts.

NB, as usual: have only seen the movie and read a small portion of its prequel Catalyst so far. I try to talk about individual characters themselves, but shipping thoughts concerning RebelCaptain (Jyn/Cassian) and SpiritAssassin (Chirrut/Baze) still occur.

Warning: THIS IS REALLY, REALLY LONG. Not exaggerating in any way.

Quick General Thoughts 

I’d seen the movie a little more than a month ago and have swamped myself in fandom, so I thought I wouldn’t have Extreme Emotions from seeing it again. I even thought I’d be bored for some bits.

I was wrong.

It’s a beautiful movie, and I honestly liked every single performance by the actors and actresses. I thought they were all really good or amazing.

By far one of the most intense movies that I’ve seen in general, not just the Star Wars ‘verse.

Lah’mu

There’s a piece of symbolism in some Rogue One book material that talks about how the movie bookends the theme of “Jyn” and “home.” AKA: Jyn starts the movie by having a home, and Jyn ends the movie by rediscovering home. Figuratively, this is shown by Lah’mu with her parents (start) and the Scarif beach with Cassian (end) (or you could argue the entire Rogue One team becoming family, a la Baze’s “little sister”, as “home”).

However, now I can see there’s also a literal interpretation of this: Jyn’s Lah’mu home is next to a beach. And you remember where she dies? A BEACH.

If one of the Stormtroopers was taught even a little bit of forensic science, Jyn would have absolutely been found underneath that damn rock. They live on rich, loamy soil. Anyone heard of footprints or tracks? I guess Death Troopers are too busy learning how to kill people.

Lyra Erso continues to grow in my heart as a hero and wonderful human being, and I am sad and bitter that beyond one or two lines from Galen and Orson (tangentially for the latter), she is never discussed or mentioned post-Lah’mu. Read Catalyst; Lyra is a badass. 

“You will never win.” = Erso Rebels, one for one.

Lyra/Galen4lyfe. They love each other so friggin much (again, read Catalyst for the one-two-three punch in the gut feels (even though I’ve only read a little)).

I wonder what sort of crops the Ersos grew.

Rings of Kafrene

I originally thought Cassian was very blank-faced about killing the informant and any guilt he felt wasn’t expressed except 100% internally or at a later time on his own. Nope, he definitely shows guilt/regret immediately after shooting the guy, even with Stormtroopers converging. Throughout the movie, in fact, he shows a LOT of guilty faces/body language. Not as perfect as a spy as I thought! (at least 100% of the time)

Wobani Prison

FN-2187 is a reference to Leia’s prison cell 2187. At Wobani, cell 4227 is mentioned. They don’t mean Jyn’s cell, but it finally explains to me why one of my favorite fics (Death Trooper One) uses the designation DT-4227. Tricky, tricky, tricky!

Yavin 4

Yooooo, Jyn is amazing at doing a non-reactive, “I won’t tell you shit” face.

Whatever you say about Draven’s duplicity and cutthroat tactics, Mothma’s democratic idealism is unsustainable bullshit. A lot of fics like to uphold her as this Kind Rebellion Paragon Leader vs Draven, but you know what? Saw had a point in separating from the rebellion. I don’t condone his “civilian deaths are unavoidable” tactics, but Mothma’s path is a fruitless endeavor, and she should have been completely aware of that after twenty years of Empire rule.

This is a passionate, immediate response after seeing the movie again. Maybe someone has some meta to calm me down/see Mothma’s side of the story.

Jedha

So many Asians on Jedha! <3333 (now all dead </3333 )

Small funny moment: the scene where Chirrut and Baze come to the rescue, there’s two little old Asian ladies sitting in the corners of the courtyard just chilling around.

I believe Cassian’s feelings for Jyn went from “unwanted charge” to “shit DEVELOPING FEELINGS” sometime between Jyn saving the little girl and Jyn beating the asses of Stormtroopers with her truncheons. I told you guys that Cassian has a Competency kink.

Jyn’s feelings, on the other hand, went from “jailer” to “friendly.” And I think that explains the level of betrayal she expresses to Cassian after Eadu; yeah, she’s pissed that he was planning to kill her father, but she was also pissed that he had lied to her. She had considered him a friend by the time they had arrived there, and she hadn’t had friends for a long time.

I think it says something about Jyn that, even if she is at most amused by K-2SO or at worst annoyed/indifferent to him, she still is the one who jumps in front of his body when Baze points a gun to him. She responds faster than Cassian, who (definitely) considers Kay his best friend. When Jyn is in a team, she is loyal. (I really, really like Jyn, okay.)

Bor Gullet (the tentacle creature) continues to be gross-looking, and even though I admire the subtle acting choices of Bodhi’s character arc by Riz Ahmed from “nervous defector to traumatized pilot to recovering person”, I do wish we got a better understanding of how damaging this creature (nonhuman sentient?) is. (Apparently the book does a good job?)

Again, I desperately desire more background on Saw’s spiral into severe paranoia. At one point did he start thinking that everyone was going to betray him? At one point did he find the Bor Gullet?

We know that the Empire hates non-humans, but do you know what I found really interesting?  The Rebellion actually showcases only a few nonhumans. Do you know which group represents the most non-humans (besides local populations)? Saw’s Partisans.

There’s not supposed to be galactic racism in Star Wars (I don’t know about extended universe materials, so maybe (most likely) racism exists on individual planet cultures). Rather, it’s replaced by speciesism. And I find the fact that the Partisans are heavily made up of non-humans (and the Rebellion not) extremely interesting if you parallel it to American politics on race throughout the centuries. I’m simplifying the issue, but in fights for equality and justice, who are the people associated with violent protest and riots by society?  Who often feel and are sidelined by mainstream movements?

Still curious at what point Saw separated from the Rebellion. I assume post-Lah’mu, just because Galen seems under the impression that Saw is still in contact with the Rebellion. 

Saw says outright that Jyn was his best fighter. SO MANY RADICAL!JYN FEELINGS. 

and this is why I can’t really support Cassian’s side of the argument after Eadu - Jyn had been involved in the Fight for a very long time. When she says at her interrogation that she “didn’t have the luxury of political opinions,” she has a good reason in saying that! She was never allowed to have a choice: she was born in a Separatist prison, raised by the Empire, ran away from an Empire, and then absorbed into a radical Rebellion cell. It isn’t until Saw abandons her that she makes a choice: the Empire and the Rebellion both hurt her deeply. These weren’t minor hits against her; they performed acts that damaged the core of her soul and transformed her personality. Why does she have any obligation to support either in any way?

Even if you think that abandoning the Fight was a very selfish thing to do, I think it would be incorrect to say that it was an unfounded decision on her part.

Galen mentioning Lyra (;_______;)

I loved all the performances, but Forest Whitaker’s is actually my favorite. Just, wow. (And Jyn’s heartbroken face when Saw refused to leave with her: :( I mean, considering his broken body, no way would he have been able to get out of the mountain, no less to the ship, and he absolutely knew that.)

The destruction of Jedha City was awe-inspiring, in the original etymology of the word (fear, terror). Alderaan’s destruction is sad, but it’s distant - a sphere blows up. The detail of Jedha City’s annihiliation... even on-the-ground videos of nuclear bomb testing and Hiroshima/Nagasaki don’t strike as much fear into my heart (please don’t attack me).

Baze’s FACE when the City is destroyed. It’s SO HEARTWRENCHING. Like, you can see his non-belief in the Force get even worse after the destruction.

Krennic’s “It’s beautiful” brought horrified shivers. I can’t find the tumblr post anymore, but the user talked about the importance of art in injustice (or something like that).

Eadu

All Cassian had to do was snipe Krennic while on that ledge instead of angsting over Erso, and the ending of Rogue One would probably have been less soul-destroying.

I do not understand how geography and the passage of time occurs in some of these scenes. Between Jyn being able to cross the valley and climb up that ladder in the period of Orson’s and Galen’s conversation, Cassian getting to Jyn after the platform is bombed, and Jyn and Cassian crossing back to the other side in no time at all, I assume Einstein’s relativity is involved.

I’m trying to decide whether K-2 revealing that Cassian’s rifle was in a sniper configuration was because (a) K-2 has been described as basically being a child and so he doesn’t even think about it, (b) K-2 didn’t know about Draven’s extra orders to Cassian, so he didn’t know it was supposed to be a secret, or (c) K-2 knows that Cassian would really, really regret assassinating Galen (moreso than anything else he did). My strongest option is (b).

We have to give Draven credit: he only sent the Alliance ships because he thought Cassian was probably dead and Galen still needed to be killed. As soon as he heard Rebels were on the platform, he tried to call off the squadron (I mean, if he had heard it was Jyn and not Cassian, he probably wouldn’t have cared, but still).

I knew beforehand that Chirrut and Baze were married, but holy shit are Chirrut and Baze married. Baze’s self-suffering and resigned sigh after the “I have you” quote!

Little detail I liked: Chirrut puffing air into his hand before shooting with the Bow of Death. Combination of “Gimme luck, Force!” and “Gotta warm up my hands before kicking ass.”

Chirrut is definitely Force-sensitive (I have Headcanons about his pre-movie arc), but there’s no way that Baze isn’t even a teeny-tiny little bit Force-sensitive, too. There’s no way a sharpshooter can be THAT accurate from THAT distance THAT accurately in EVERY battle (every single shot hits someone or some ship).

I’m impressed that the movie did not try to beautify death. Galen died in a super awkward position, and I love the realism of it (even if there was a lot less blood than there should have been).

By the end of the scene, Krennic visually confirms to me that the Galen/Krennic ship is actually a completely one-sided infatuation (seriously, read the book. Galen is laughably blase about the dude).

“You willl never win.” = Erso Rebels, two for two.

Lyra/Galen4lyfe

Some fandoms I can ship characters with multiple people. 

Rogue One is not one of those fandoms.

Jyn had, like, a 2% chance of actually being alive when the platform was bombed, and Cassian still went after her. He’s got it SO BAD. Like, this is the dude who killed his informant ASAP and who K-2SO was certain enough about that he said “we’ll be leaving without you” re:Chirrut & Baze leaving the ship ten minutes ago in the movie. 

Chirrut grabbing Jyn’s hand before the Argument gives me sad feels because it makes me wish that the Jyn+Chirrut+Baze adopted family vibes could have been explored more.

As I said earlier, I don’t think the claims Cassian made against Jyn in their argument had a lot of merit (and I think Jyn knows that, too). But Jyn definitely understands Cassian a lot better after he describes his past, and that’s why she doesn’t dislike/hate him by the time they arrive on Yavin 4. She’s definitely angry and betrayed about his actions/lies, but she now understands why he did them. And I think that’s when she really decided that he was a friend (+ probable realization that this was the second time he had come back for her).

And even though Cassian already feels guilty about almost assassinating Galen, I think his defensive justification took a serious, serious, serious blow not because of Jyn’s words (though that did have an affect), but from the Absolute Overwhelming Disapproval and Disappointment from all the humans on the ship. 

Baze is actually really, really hilarious? His tired collapse against the ship’s closed landing platform post-Argument made me burst into inappropriate giggles.

Mustafar

Darth Vader is terrifying.

I wonder if they hired an actual amputee for the reveal of Vader in that cylinder? Or if it’s CGI.

I’ve never really understood the eye-rolls over his “don’t choke on your aspirations” pun. I thought it was a terrifying addition and very apropos . (Though, if you’re familiar with medical terminology, you’d probably get a giggle from it.)

Krennic gets more and more pathetic every scene.

Yavin 4

Now, I know I talked all about the POC-nonhuman parallels above, but I do want to applaud this movie for its POC representation. The Empire, of course, has always been White As White Can Be, but the modern decision to make the Rebels so racially diverse? And to specifically have the Council be so racially diverse? (look at it! I think only Mothma and one other human was white. The rest of the humans were nonwhite!) That was a calculated decision to comment on today’s political climate.  Think about it: the leaders of the Rebellion were mainly POC. Yes, they unfortunately did not get as much screentime or lines as Mothma and Draven, but what a wonderful step still.

A council that can only make decisions based on unanimous agreement is a terrible idea with that many people.

Cassian showing up with an entire crew of people = moment Jyn DEFINITELY develops Feelings for him.

This gif is always necessary to post:

Cassian has a lot of sway/respect from the people he was able to recruit, but I’m 100% certain that he basically sang Jyn’s praises during the recruitment process. This is the reason they were so okay with her being the mission leader.

STILL ANNOYED ABOUT THE ZERO WOMEN IN THE ROGUE REBEL GROUP.

The trip to Yavin 4 to Scarif really, really highlights the fact that the entirety of the Rogue One family looks towards Jyn as their leader. Yeah, her speech to the group (”Saw always said carrying a stick...”) was, eh, pretty weak compared to Cassian’s (”Make ten men feel like a hundred!”) (Jyn’s not a great public speaker, ok?), but Cassian constantly defers to her. Speech time? You go first, Jyn. Is it time to blow up the mines? Tell me, Jyn. They ain’t co-leaders, and Cassian’s not a shadow leader. Jyn leads, Cassian is her right hand, and everyone else are her believers. (Remember that at Eadu, Chirrut outright states that Chirrut “follows her,” and I’m already forgetting the exact scenes, but I remember having the impression that Bodhi seemed to constantly look towards her (no surprise considering she’s related to Galen). And Baze’s “little sister”! (why no 500+ hours of these people being family. why.))

The side-eye Jyn gives Bodhi when he decides to call their group “Rogue” is still my favorite funniest moment.

Cassian and K-2SO are my favorite friendship in the crew, but I have to admit that K-2 and Bodhi would have definitely developed a pretty funny bromance if they had survived.

Possible RebelCaptain Kiss Moment 1: on the trip to Scarif

Scarif

Sidenote: this review is so friggin’ long, I’m already forgetting the things I want to say.

Seriously, why didn’t Cassian shoot Krennic on Eadu. WHYYYY

The grabber thing that picks out the data files? Reminds me of the claw game in arcades. I would have completely failed this mission purely because of that.

I didn’t realize this the first time, but Admiral Raddus had left even before the Alliance got news that Rogue One had landed. Raddus just up and went “EH FUCK THE COUNCIL LET’S DO THIS” and he had an ENTIRE NAVY follow him despite the very public refusal by the Council. Standing ovation for this dude.

FEMALE PILOTS!!! SO MANY FEMALE PILOTS!!!

Okay, it’s time for me to sing the praises of Bodhi Rook and Riz Ahmed:

Riz Ahmed deserves all the acting awards. Whitaker is still my fave RO performance, but Ahmed is second. It’s such a subtle transition but WOW. 

On Jedha, we meet non-traumatized Bodhi. A little stammery, but he’s being pushed around by the Partisans and no one is listening to him. I’d stammer, too. He’s panicking re:plans, but there’s still steel in him though, a type of confidence.

Then we meet post-tortured Bodhi, and he’s a discombobulated, disjointed, confused mess of a human being. Within the prison cell to his escape outside the mountain, he shows someone whose reaction time is fifty times slower than a non-tortured human being. His dazed look and delayed movements before Cassian pulls him towards the ship is perfect.

Eadu: he’s a nervous wreck. He can’t stop stuttering, even when he’s trying to guide K-2 and Cassian to fly through the rainstorm. He can’t look people in the eye.  

To Scarif: still nervous, but becoming more forward.

Scarif: When Cassian tells Bodhi to find a way to communicate beyond the shield: NO FUCKING STUTTER. HE ORDERS THOSE MEN AROUND AS IF HE’S BEEN ORDERING PEOPLE FOR YEARS. REMEMBER THAT HE’S A FUCKING CARGO PILOT. His voice is so firm, so direct, that none of the soldiers hesitate. When Bodhi makes the run to the shuttle with the cable, there’s a cut to a soldier watching him, and it’s after seeing Bodhi run that the soldier stands up again to fire at the Stormtroopers. I think this soldier is also the one that first decides to run to the master switch, too? (Not sure about that one.) 

And Bodhi basically orders Admiral Raddus to do shit. An Admiral!

BODHI WILL SAVE HIS FRIENDS. HE WILL NOT DISAPPOINT HIS FRIENDS.

BODHI’S LAST WORDS ARE “THIS IS FOR YOU, GALEN.” 

!!!! my heart

“THIS IS FOR YOU, GALEN.” 

IF I WERE TO MULTISHIP A RO CHARACTER, IT’D BE GALEN/BODHI.

I just... I love Bodhi’s character arc so mUCh????11!!? And Riz Ahmed was amazing portraying it????

Melshi seems pretty damn cool. Too bad we didn’t hear more from him.

Baze looks SO BETRAYED when his cannon didn’t take down the AT-AT unit.

Baze and Chirrut at Chirrut’s death was so painful and heartbreaking to rewatch. I like to think that the only reason Chirrut didn’t cup Baze’s face in that moment was because he lost the strength to lift his arm higher and that’s why they just held hands. And the only reason Baze didn’t kiss Chirrut’s hand is because of movie industry homophobia :))))) Also, I realized that Chirrut was hoping/thinking Baze would survive because he says, “Look for me in the Force, and you’ll find me.” :(((

BAZE TURNING HIS GAZE BACK TO CHIRRUT’S BODY WHEN THE GRENADE LANDS BROKE ME EVEN MORE THAN HIS RECITAL OF CHIRRUT’S PRAYER. I could almost hear the “I’ll be with you soon, love,” voice-over.

MY HEART

“Climb! Climb!”

MY HEART

Possible RebelCaptain Kiss Moment No. 2: right before they jump onto the center tower.

Jyn and Cassian must have arms of steel, I’m just saying. If the claw thing didn’t trip me up, I’d fail the mission purely because I couldn’t climb more than one row.

Trying to figure out how many stories Cassian fell down. Fics keep saying really high numbers (like 8 or 12), but it didn’t seem like that? Though that just might be because we were watching it from a higher perspective. (I’m not implying Cassian wasn’t severely injured. I cringed every time he struck a beam. I was just wondering how long the fall was.)

If Cassian shooting Krennic on Eadu would have probably changed RO’s ending, do you want to know what would have completely changed the entire original trilogy? SOMEONE SHOOtinG THE FUCDKING SATELLITE DISH. HOW DID NO ONE HIT THAT EVEN BY ACCIDENT.

“You lose.” = completion of “You will never win.” = Erso Rebels, three for three.

So, since we’re nearing the end, I’d like to quickly talk about Descent/Climb (though Fall/Climb is a more catchy term, if less accurate).

If “abandonment/returning” was one of Jyn’s themes, “climb/descent” is another one.

She “falls” every time Krennic is near her: (1) Lah’mu: she descends the ladder into the hideout; (2) Eadu: she nearly falls off the platform after it’s bombed; (3) Scarif: not Jyn, but Cassian-Jyn are basically inseparable by now anyways: Cassian falls at the Citadel; (4) Scarif: Jyn falls when trying to get back to the transmission tower.

She climbs: (1) Lah’mu: towards Saw (unseen); (2): Eadu: to get to her father; (3) Scarif: to get the plans.

Ok, honestly I have no idea/don’t have the energy to figure out what this actually means, but Jyn went up and down too often for it to not have some sort of importance.

Speaking of themes: from Jyn’s perspective, the entire movie is basically a mirror of her life:

Home on Lah’mu.

Lyra abandons her.

Jyn sees Krennic. Lyra shoots him in the shoulder.

Lyra dies.

Galen “abandons” her.

Saw abandons her.

Jedha: Jyn reunites with Saw (and sees that she’s loved). [Cassian comes back for her x1]

Hologram/Eadu: Jyn reunites with her father (and see’s that she’s loved). [Cassian comes back for her x2] 

Scarif: Jyn thinks Cassian is dead after his fall.

Jyn sees Krennic. Cassian shoots him in the shoulder.

Cassian comes back for her x3.

Home with Cassian/the beach.

Possible RebelCaptain Kiss Moment 3: Side of the head kiss after Cassian stops Jyn from murdering Krennic.

Possible RebelCaptain Kiss Moment 4: Elevator.

Possible RebelCaptain Kiss Moment 5: Beach.

Don’t know the proper term for it, but the quickly-gradual white-out of the screen as Jyn and Cassian are being burnt to a crisp is one of the most visually stunning moments in the film.

MY HEART.

Ships jumping out of hyperspace: cool.

Star Destroyer slamming into Star Destroyer and hitting that Ring Thing: cooler.

Star Destroyer jumping out of hyperspace and Rebel fleet crashing into it while trying to escape: coolest.

Another detail: the ship that had engaged the Star Destroyer and pushed it into the other one was a suicide run. I mean, I’m sure all the fleet knew that this mission was probably a suicide mission, but that ship in particular knew that what they were about to do was a kamikaze move. Serious bravery.

Darth Vader is fucking terrifying.

CGI Princess Leia would have been less uncanny valley if her nose and her eyes weren’t so far apart vertically.

So, the mission plans were on this big cassette thing. And then they were downloaded onto this tiny disc thing. Does the Alliance have better data storage equipment? Or is it like downloading the jpeg version of a CAD file? These are the important questions, people.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

 movie is still amazing and emotionally traumatizing.

god knows how long i’ll be in this fandom. i’m guessing a long, long time. it will never leave my heart even if i visit another one.

every single rogue one family death made me tear up in the theater.

this is fucking long, jesus, i should be spending my time doing other things, like reading Catalyst.

- link to my other Rogue One blabberings -