#I know there r mistakes im just so lazy im not going to fix them! thanks

[unipacas]

@ all the hobie enjoyers blowing up my inbox this is 4 u!!!! <3

[asthmark]

❝ 10 things i know about you ❞ l.jn

synopsis → there are ten important things you learn about lee jeno during your time in quarantine.

request → “if you're still accepting requests, can u make a domestic roommate!jeno? 🥺🥺 thank you and have a nice dayyy”

word count → 7.1k (bruhhh)

sharing an apartment with lee jeno isn’t ideal.

it’s not that he’s a lousy roommate or that you disliked him in any way; you just didn’t know him. you had first met through a mutual friend. they knew jeno was looking for someone to split rent with and that you happened to need a place to stay. they promised you he would give you privacy and assured jeno you were excellent roommate material. with that, arrangements were made and soon enough you moved in together. of course, it was a bit awkward at first but you two eventually got used to each other’s presence. although you were never in the same room for too long and oftentimes went days without speaking, you coexisted.

for a long time, you only knew a couple things about your roommate. for example, you were aware of his strong love for cats, especially his pet calico, seol. you also knew he kept the freezer stocked with pizza rolls that he would use as energy when he stayed up all night playing video games.

what you didn’t know, however, was that you would be spending the next couple months locked in your apartment with him. on top of that, you would begin to learn more things about him—his life, his personality, his feelings.

there are ten important things you learn about lee jeno during your time in quarantine.

       1. he’s a heavy sleeper.

at 10:28 in the morning you find yourself seated at the dining table in the kitchen, spooning froot loops into your mouth. as you stuff your face, you scroll through your phone for entertainment. you decide to open instagram first but you quickly find that to be a mistake. as soon as you open the app a picture of lucas and who you thought was his ex-girlfriend greets you. if that was bad, the caption hits you like a ton of bricks.

@lucas_xx444: should have never left you

in only five words, lucas has completely erased the months you spent dating. it meant nothing to him. sure, things hadn’t ended things the best way but going right back to his toxic ex and even admitting to missing her—now that was a new low. was this his way of getting back at you? his way of making you hurt just like he had throughout your entire relationship? the thought alone leaves you feeling sick.

you decide you’ve already had enough social media for one morning so you decide to check your messages instead. your friends usually left a couple of them overnight. to your surprise, you find that your main group chat has accumulated 241 messages.

[10:48 am] you: good morning i see u guys have been vry chatty

[10:49 am] yeji: ur finally awake!

[10:50 am] yuna: we thought u died lol

[10:50 am] lia: YUNA

[10:50 am] lia: NO

[10:51 am] ryujin: the timing for that joke could not be worse

[10:52 am] yuna: humor is my coping mechanism leave me alone

[10:52 am] you: ??? what happened

[10:53 am] chaeryeong: we left msgs for a reason dummy read them!!

[10:53 am] you: umm there’s over 200 and im not abouta read all that

[10:54 am] yuna: well then lemme break it down

[10:54 am] yuna: the world is ending :)

[10:55 am] you: welp it was about time

[10:55 am] lia: why r u guys like this

[10:56 am] yeji: there’s been a covid-19 outbreak and it’s spreading like wildfire so the government issued a stay at home order :/

[10:57 am] you: omg WHAT

[10:57 am] ryujin: ikr it’s crazy we literally can’t go anywhere

[10:57 am] chaeryeong: and we can’t get boba today either ;( i was so looking forward to that

[10:58 am] ryujin: let’s pls take a moment of silence for all the current and future boba dates that will have to be cancelled

[10:59 am] yuna: no way am i gonna let some wannabe flu make me go boba-less i’m still going out >:(

[10:59 am] lia: ...ur joking right

[10:59 am] yeji: what color casket do u want yuna?

before the groupchat can distract you any further, you place your phone down on the table. you sit back in your chair and let the newly revealed information sink in.

you were stuck inside.

you sigh before standing to clean your dishes. as you’re scrubbing away at your bowl, you feel something brush against your leg. you smile, not even having to look down to know it was seol. the cat would often wander into your room or sleep next to you when you watched tv on the couch. in fact, you were pretty sure you spent more time with seol than his owner.

you gaze at jeno’s room. as always, the door is shut. you wonder if you should let him know what was happening. you two usually kept your distance but you figured that the circumstance you found yourself in was an exception. you quickly dry your hand and shuffle towards his room.

you knock once, quite softly. you assume he’s asleep so you try again, this time a little harder. still, no avail. the third time you put even more force into it. by this time, seol has found his way beside you and claws at the door.

“jeno?” you knock a fourth time. “jeno! lee jeno!”

after more shouting accompanied by incessant meowing, you hear some muffled movement. moments later the door knob twists open and there stands your roommate with disheveled hair and a robe that had obviously just been thrown on his body. seol has taken the open crack in the door as an invitation inside the bedroom.

jeno blinks a couple times as he watches the feline get himself comfortable on his bed. he turns back to you, looking slightly disoriented. you’re not sure if he’s half asleep or your sudden presence has thrown him for a loop. his voice comes out raspy when he asks, “was he, um, bothering you or something?”

you shake your head, vigorously. “that’s not why i came. it’s just that my friends told me that there’s been some kind of virus outbreak and we’re supposed to stay home. so, i thought i’d let you know.”

his face softens. “oh, cool.” suddenly, the look changes. “not the virus thing! that’s totally not cool. i meant, it’s cool that you let me know and stuff. you just saved me a huge freak out so, uh, thank you.”

you smile and nod. “no problem.”

jeno’s eyes linger as you retreat back into your room down the hall. the sound of his door shutting is heard only once you’re out of his eyesight.

   2.    he can cook better than you.

most of the time, you would go out to eat dinner with your friends in the evenings or at least stop by a drive thru. obviously, this was no longer possible in the midst of a pandemic. you found that to be incredibly frustrating as you sat on your bed, stomach empty. no matter how badly you wished to fix it, your laziness had gotten the best of you. apart from that, you already knew how unlucky you were when it came to cooking—the memory of burning noodles at lia’s house one night had been permanently seared into your brain.

you almost believe your mind is playing tricks on you when you catch a whiff of pasta in the air. for a moment you think it’s your next door neighbor, taeyong, cooking again. you knew he was quite the chef. but, the smell is getting stronger by the second and you decide it must be in your apartment.

you wander into the kitchen, only to find jeno standing over the stove. he’s stirring red sauce in a pot when he notices you watching him.

“oh, hey,” he greets with a polite wave.

you can only stare at the rest of the kitchen—pots, pans, and ingredients all over the place—in utter awe.

he chuckles, awkwardly. “yeah, sorry about the mess. i’ve been told i’m a decent cook but i can never seem to get the tidiness down.”  

“no, it’s not that. this just all seems so... professional.” you sniff the air once more. “smells amazing, too.”

he smiles, sheepishly. “thanks. are you a fan of spaghetti?”

you nod.

“good. i wanted to make something you’d like.”

“you really didn’t have to,” you say, leaning against the fridge. “i mean, i’ve never done anything for you.”

he uncovers a pot to check on the pasta. you watch as hot steam rises out of it. “what about this morning?”

you can’t help but laugh. “that most certainly does not count. you’re making an entire meal. that takes a lot of effort.”

he waves a hand, dismissively. “i used to cook a lot with my old roommate, doyoung. the guy was an asian gordon ramsey, i swear. so, yeah, this is nothing too crazy. and i really do enjoy it.”

“well, i’m still gonna repay you.” you fold your arms.

he looks away from his dish to raise a brow. “is that so?”

you nod in confirmation. “definitely.”

“tell you what, if you wash the mountain of dishes that are gonna be left over, we’ll be even.”

you stare at the sink that’s already overflowing with dirty kitchen tools. that wasn’t even half of it. “uh, sure, sounds good.”

he laughs at hearing the uncertainty in your voice. “that’s the spirit.”

   3.    he’s allergic to cats.

the familiar sound of soft purring is what pulls you attention away from the movie playing on your laptop. already knowing exactly who it is, you launch yourself off your bed to allow your furry guest inside.  

“hey seol. what’ve you been up to?”

the calico meows, almost as if he were responding to your question. you close your door and go back to your original position. you notice seol sitting directly in front of your bed, looking up at you with wide eyes.

“come on up.” you pat your sheets, invitingly.

he obeys and stretches before laying down beside you.

“have you ever watched ‘avengers’?” you ask, eyes going back to the explosive fight scene on the screen.

this time, seol doesn’t even bother humoring you with a meow. he stays silent with his head tucked into his paws.

you scratch his head and his tail wiggles. “i’ve gotta stop asking you questions.”

both you and seol’s heads snap towards the door when you hear a knock.

“come in!” you call out.  

jeno swings open the door. his eyes briefly scan the room before landing on the furball on your bed. the unmistakable look of adoration shines in his eyes when he sees how lovingly you caress him.

“seol! what are you doing in here? bothering y/n?” the cat jumps off your bed and towards his owner standing in your doorway. jeno scoops him into his arms and faces you. “i’m so sorry. he saw me running a bath for him and bolted.”

“it’s all good. he’s a great movie buddy. besides, i could always use the company.”

jeno curiously glances at your computer screen. “is that ‘avengers’?”

“yep. i’ve seen it like a dozen times.”

“same here.“ he pauses. “hey, if you ever need a movie buddy—like you know, one that talks—just let me know.”

your face lights up. “i’m gonna hold you to that.”

”i hope so. well, if you’ll excuse me, i’ve gotta give this guy a bath.”

seol yowls as if he understands the meaning behind the words and attempts to escape jeno’s grip.    

“here we go again,” he mumbles under his breath.

you snicker at the sight. “looks like you could use some help.”

“oh, no. it’s fine. he can just be a little bratty someti—seol!”

in the blink of an eye, the feline has successfully hopped out of his arms and made a run for it.

jeno gives you an exasperated look before rushing off to catch his runway pet. you find yourself caught up in the excitement so you follow him, the two of you now in pursuit of the calico. you’re sure the image of you both chasing the fluffy animal around the apartment looks like something straight out of a comedy. even you and jeno can’t contain your laughter when he finally catches seol only for him to slip out of his hold a second later. this exact situation repeats itself a couple times before you finally get lucky.

“i got him!” you screech. “jeno! oh my god! what do i do?”

“bathroom, bathroom, bathroom!” he chants in response.

you head in that direction with jeno trailing behind you, ready to catch seol if he somehow manages to get out of your death grip. you bend over the bathtub, slowly lowering the cat into the water. it’s clear he doesn’t have a problem with making a fuss as he wails and flails his limbs around.

after a while, he finally calms down enough that you can lather him in shampoo. jeno insists on scrubbing him, arguing that you had already done way too much. you sit back on your heels, observing the way the seol leans into his delicate touches.

“looks like he likes it now.”

“he likes to make a big deal but he ends up enjoying it every—“ jeno cuts himself off with a sneeze.

“tissue?” you offer.

he shakes his head. “that’s okay, thanks. i’m used to it. i’m just surprised my allergies haven’t acted up ‘til now.”

“allergies?” you echo.

“yeah, i’m allergic to—“ another sneeze. “cats.”

your eyes widen. “really? and you still have seol?”

“i could never get rid of him. he’s too good of a boy. isn’t—“ sneeze. “that right?” he tickles seol under his chin.

“wow. you must really love him.”

“so much.”

“he’s lucky to have you.”

“what about you? you get both of us. doesn’t that make you the luckiest?”

you snort. “i guess it does.”

   4.    he makes a good shopping buddy.

“i have officially cooked everything we have.”

“i can order some takeout, if you want?”

he juts his lower lip out and gives you puppy eyes. “but i like to cook for you.”

you laugh at his expression. “oh god, you look like that one pouty emoji people use when they try to be cute.”

he sits up. “did it work?”

you nod and pinch his cheek.

he yelps. “ah, stop! you’re acting like my grandma!” he manages to get out of your grasp. he rubs his face, soothing the spots you had squeezed. “seriously, though, we really do need to stock up on food.”

“i’ve already been looking into it.” you show him the screen of your phone. “says here you can still go shopping as long as you wear a mask and try to stay six feet away from other shoppers.”

he cringes. “i don’t know if i like the idea of being so close to so many people.”

“i can go by myself, then,” you suggest with a shrug.

he doesn’t hesitate to deny you. “no way are you going alone.” his possessive tone has you staring at him curiously so he adds, “you know, in case you can’t reach something on the top shelf.”

the teasing comment paired with his innocent smile makes you gasp in disbelief. “lee jeno! that’s low! and to think i almost thought you were worried about me.”

“who said i wasn’t?” he smiles at you again before standing up. “i’m going to find us some masks and then we can head out.”  

once you arrive at your local grocery store, you find it to be packed. everyone seems to be in a hurry, grabbing things left and right.

“wow, it’s already gotten crazy,” jeno mumbles, stopping to stare at the flood of people that rush by.

you don’t hesitate to scold him. “well, don’t just stand there! we gotta get our stuff before there’s nothing left!”

without another word you slip into the frenzy of people. jeno struggles to stay behind you. after almost losing sight of you a couple times, he walks a little faster to catch up and places his arm firmly around your waist once he does. you look up at him, your mask covering your slightly agape mouth.

being the gentleman he is, he apologizes. “sorry but i don’t want us to get separated.”

you can only nod and mumble, “good idea.”

jeno pushes the shopping cart with his right hand and holds your figure with his left. once in a while, you’ll break apart from each other to grab an item you need but once it’s in the cart, he’ll make sure you end up in the same position. after an hour or so, you’ve grabbed enough and you decide it’s time to pay.

despite the mask she has on, you can tell the middle-aged woman behind the cash register has a big smile on her face once she catches sight of you and your roommate.

“well, just look at you two.” she sighs. “how cute.”

“oh.” you glance at her then jeno then her again. “oh, no. it’s not like that.”

you attempt to move yourself away from jeno only to find his grip to be so incredibly strong that you almost begin to think he’s trying to hold you in place. once you finally detach yourself from him, you begin loading your groceries onto the counter for the employee to scan. she does so, but not before giving you a displeased look.  

“oh really? he holds you like that because you aren’t together?”

jeno assists her in placing the scanned items in bags. “i didn’t want to lose her.”

she pauses scanning a can of tuna to stare him down. “darling, that sounds like a line from a cheesy hallmark rom-com.”

you can’t help but chuckle. “what he means is that there’s a lot of people here and we didn’t want to get separated.”

jeno adds, “desperate times calls for desperate measures.”

the woman adjusts her glasses. “well, you do certainly seem desperate to have her close to you.”

jeno doesn’t say a word as he continues bagging but his smile reaches his eyes.

   5.    he works out.

why did the pandemic have to hit in the middle of summer?

you often asked yourself this, complaining about how inconvenient it was. especially on the days that made your apartment feel like it was on fire. the days that required a thin tank top and shorts. even then, you found yourself to be drenched in sweat.

you sprawled your arms and legs farther on the sofa, the leather material proving to be very uncomfortable. it was either that or your bed with the warm cotton sheets that stuck to your body. just thinking about it brings you discomfort. the only relief you could think of was a cold shower. you would have already taken one if jeno hadn’t been hogging the one bathroom in the apartment.

“jeno!” you yell.

silence; other than the sound of the water running.

“lee jeno!”

the water stops, temporarily for him to shout back an answer. “what?!”

you wipe at the sweat that has accumulated on the bridge of your nose. “hurry up! i’m melting!”

the water starts back up again and you groan. hoping to distract yourself, you pull out your phone. the group chat with your friends is surprisingly silent so you go to instagram for some entertainment. this time, your ex-boyfriend’s post isn’t the first thing you see. it takes you some scrolling but you do end up seeing another one of his pictures.

it’s simply two intertwined hands with a black and white filter. you identify the one on the left as his and although you aren’t as familiar with the one on the right, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out who it belongs to. contrary to the last, this photo has no cheesy words for a caption, just a red heart.  

but, your stomach doesn’t drop. you don’t feel hurt, either. obviously, you still don’t enjoy seeing him just because of all the awful memories that came with it but other than that, you feel unaffected by the image.

in fact, you feel so confident in yourself that you block him.

you’re surprised you hadn’t done it sooner. you had known you didn’t need him in your life any longer so why keep in contact? you feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders when you press the red button that would keep him and his girlfriend out of your life. you knew with your whole heart that you didn’t need to see either of them.

before, a bit if you had felt the need to keep an eye on him. to see how he was handling the breakup and torture yourself with the fact that he didn’t seem to care. now, you could say you truly didn’t either. you didn’t need him or his stupid pictures. you had other, better things.

your friends.

your cat (yes, you considered seol to be yours).

your roommate.

you had to admit, jeno was the best thing on that list. quarantine had brought you and him significantly closer and you were over the moon about it. he was so wonderful that you kicked yourself for having lived with him for so long without ever really getting to know him. but it was easy to say you two were making up for lost time seeing as you spent every waking moment together. the record long showers jeno took being an exception, of course.

the moment the door to the bathroom opens, you rush into your room and quickly grab an oversized t-shirt and loose pajama pants to change into after your shower. you nearly drop them when you’re met with jeno’s soaking figure in the hallway.

his hair is damp and you can clearly see how long it had become. his skin looks healthy and moisturized, lotion among other skin care products had probably been applied. what really has you in a shock is the fact that the towel barely hangs below his waist. the droplets of water that fall from his hair and down his neck trail down his chest and toned torso towards the only area he has bothered to cover up. his bulky arms are also slightly wet, his veins popping noticeably. he shakes his head in an attempt to rid his hair of any water. then he runs his fingers through it, his muscles flexing ever so slightly as he does so.

“dude!” you exclaim, without a second thought. “you’re ripped!”

he smiles, his round cheeks growing at the unexpected praise. the way he could have such a rugged body but soft-featured face puzzled you to no extent. “thank you. i lift sometimes.”

“sometimes?” you repeat. “don’t be so humble! you’re basically hercules!”

he clicks his tongue. “ah, c’mon. i’m just an athletic person.”

you keep admiring his physique. “clearly.”

“oh god,” he groans, obviously flustered. “you’re looking at me like you’re gonna eat me or something.”

you hold yourself back from making a less than appropriate innuendo. “no comment.”

his eyebrows shoot up in disbelief. “quarantine is really making you go crazy.”

you point a finger at him. “you try being stuck inside with your hot roommate!”

“trust me, y/n, i know all about hot roommates.”

you tilt your head, acting purposefully oblivious. “are you talking about doyoung?”

“what? no i—“ he sighs. “you know what, just take your shower.”

   6.    you can’t say no to him.

jeno ruffles his black locks with his hand and frowns.

you give him a disappointed look. “knock it off, you’re gonna get dandruff in your soup.”

he ignores your comment. “i look like a hobo.”

you pause, spoon halfway to your mouth. “this i know.”

“y/n, this is serious!”

“okay, okay. what’s the issue?”

“i already told you! i’m a bum!”

“you? a bum?” you pause to think about it. “i mean, mentally? maybe. but physically? no.”

“my hair, though. it’s so long.” he grabs a strand of it and pulls it to emphasize his point.

you shrug. “if having lots of hair is the standard for being a bum, i think most of the population is.”

“i want to cut it,” he announces.

“you should,” you say, pointing your spoon at him. “wanna know why? because if you mess up, no one will ever know. other than me, of course. but if you pay me enough i’ll let you forget it.”

he smiles at the joke for a moment before he leans forward and his face goes serious. “will you help me?”

“what? no way. i’ll mess up. and it’s only funny if you do it.”

he pouts. “please?”

you stir your soup around. “just watch some youtube videos. after three, you’re automatically a professional.”

“i want you.”

the statement has your neck snapping up from your bowl to him. the smug grin on his face lets you know that he was well aware of the double meaning behind his words. it was clear he was trying to fluster you enough to get a yes.

“you think you’re flirty enough to straight up brainwash me into doing stuff?”

“well, i wanted to say that to you anyway but... kind of?”

you feel a smile creep onto your lips at hearing the genuine tone in his voice. you down your last few spoonfuls of soup and quickly stand up. jeno looks up at you, eyes hopeful.

“finish your dinner. get the scissors. meet me in the bathroom.”

not even ten minutes later, jeno practically dances into the bathroom, a pair of red craft scissors in his hand. he sits on top of the toilet lid, figuring that’d be the easiest way for you to reach him. you walk in moments later.

“i’m pretty sure we’re not supposed to be using these types of scissors for hair,” he mumbles as he hands you the sharp utensil.

you twirl them in your hand. “oh, definitely not. do you want to wait then?”

he shakes his head, his shaggy bangs swaying with the movement.  

“alright, let’s get this going then.” you thread your hands through his thick locks to collect some of it in between two of your fingers. you bring the scissors forward and snip the small amount just to test the waters.

you slowly begin to get more comfortable and once you feel like you’re in your element, things begin to speed up. you move and cut faster but with efficiency. you do the spots on the back of his head and work your way forward. when it finally comes time to touch up his bangs, your small bathroom proves to be an inadequate spot to be doing this.

you end up standing balanced inches above jeno’s thighs that he’s pressed together tightly in an attempt to give you more room. you’re constantly readjusting your stance and when he notices, his hands go to your hips. you know he’s just trying to help you stay upright so you do a decent job but you still inhale sharply at the feeling of his hands on you.

not long after, you’re standing next to jeno as he inspects himself in the mirror. his fingers flick his newly shortened bangs around.

“not bad.” he tilts his head in a new angle and nods. “looks super good to me.”

you tuck the scissors into your back pocket with a relieved sigh. “oh thank god. i didn’t want to tell you before we started but i only watched two youtube tutorials on trimming hair.”

he runs a hand through his hair with a chuckle. “now that’s truly worthy of praise. and a tip.”

you raise a brow. “oh yeah? what’s th—“

he cuts you off by pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead. he pulls back and drags his thumb over the skin that has come into contact with his lips. “thanks again.” with that, he leaves you standing in the bathroom, eyes wide and face warm.

   7.    he has six best friends.

“can i borrow your laptop?” asks jeno, from outside your door, nearly breathless.

you look up from your book. “uh yeah, sure.”

he rushes in your room and takes the item off of your dresser. “do you happen to have zoom on it?”

you shake your head and he groans. without another word, he disappears, running off into the living room. you hear his frustrated sighs as the minutes pass and he attempts to download the application. you finally decide to go check it out once it becomes too much to bear.

“it sounds like you’re in pain over here,” you comment.

he runs a hand through his hair. “i’m supposed to meet with my friends through a zoom call but it’s so complicated.”

you put a hand on your hip. “bet you five bucks i’ll be able to get it in five minutes.”

“are you kidding? i might be technologically challenged but i’m not stupid. i know you can do it fast, just help me out already, would you?”

“alright, grandpa.”

you type and click away at the screen, jeno watching you do so, entranced but equally as lost.

“well, i was wrong,” you say after a couple moments, leaning back in your chair.

“you couldn’t get it?” asks jeno, worriedly.

“no, it’s not that.” you click something on the screen and the app opens. “turns out i could do it in three.”

he rolls his eyes and shoos you out of the chair. he sits down and enters the code and password for the zoom meeting. it takes a minute, but he finally connects. you count six other people in the call. they all immediately cheer at seeing jeno and you hear them excitedly exclaim his name.

“hey guys,” he says, a smile already reaching his eyes. “it’s so good to see your faces.”

they all nod to agree. you get a good look at each one of them and realize they’re all boys. your eyes read over each of their display names.

mark me in ur heart

hyuckie~~~

moomin enthusiast

nananananana

chnele

lil huddy

“nice name, jeno,” ‘moomin enthusiast’ guy comments, snickering slightly. “glad to see you finally came to terms with it.”

‘jenojam’, his name reads. the rest of the group laughs, also teasing him about it. you assume it’s some kind of inside joke.

the self proclaimed ‘lil huddy’ furrows his eyebrows. “wait, did you choose that name yourself?”

jeno simply nods in response.

he glares into the camera. “donghyuck, you told me i had to put this as my name or else it wouldn’t let me connect!”

donghyuck—or ‘hyuckie~~~’, you presume—shrugs. “oops. guess i was wrong.”

you laugh at the humorous exchange. it seems like the sound has drawn some attention to you when ‘nananananana’ speaks up, eyes trained on you.

“um jeno? don’t you want to introduce your guest?”

jeno beams, dragging you closer into the frame. “i’m sure you all know about my roommate. say hi, y/n.” 

you do so, waving and smiling politely at the group.

“you know, even though we used to always hang at jeno’s, i don’t think we’ve ever actually seen your face,” ‘chnele’ says, tilting his head.

you agree. “me neither. i’ve mostly just heard you guys.”

the ‘mark me in your heart’ boy sheepishly rubs his neck. “sorry. we tend to be a little loud.”

‘chnele’ lets out a high pitched screech of a laugh. “only a little?”

“i recognize that laugh!” you blurt. “i would hear it all the time!”

”that’s our little dolphin,” coos ‘hyuckie~~~’.

“oh god, stop. i hate that stupid nickname.”

“it’s well deserved.”

“i think you should apologize to y/n for being a nightmare to her eardrums.”

“and ours, for that matter.”

“what about all your little freestyles? i’ve had to sit through hundreds of them and i never got an apology!”

“because they’re not bad! could you do any better?”

“you’re a soundcloud rapper, i think anyone could.”

jeno turns to you as the bickering on screen gets louder and louder. “this is gonna be a long call.”

once the group has moved on from roasting the life out of each other, you’re able to engage in some good-natured conversation. jeno teaches you the names and the other basics about the group. some points that stand out about the group is that mark is the oldest, renjun specializes in contemporary dance, jaemin inhales six cups of coffee on the daily, and chenle is insanely rich.

“what about jeno?” you ask them. “anything i should know about him?”

“he’s allergic to cats but the idiot still adopted—“

“she already knows about that, renjun,” jeno chuckles.

“oh. well. that’s pretty much the only interesting thing about him.”

jisung pipes up. “oh wait! he works out religiously too!”

you and jeno share a look. you burst into laughter and he simply glances away, slightly embarrassed. “oh yeah, i know that all too well.”

“and what about the unhealthy cooking obsession?”

you nod at mark’s question. “that too. he cooks dinner almost every night around here.”

renjun purses his lips. “he already cooks for you? wow. he must really like you.”

“you think?” jaemin asks. “didn’t you read any of the messages in the group chat? he’s practically in love with her. his words, not mi—“

“okay! i think it’s time for us to go! bye guys!” jeno doesn’t even give you a chance to say your own goodbye before he’s clicking the ‘end call’ button in the bottom right corner.

you give him a confused look. “what was that all about?”

“they’re crazy.” he laughs. “well, if you need me i’ll be in my room screaming into my pillow for the next couple hours.” he dashes off leaving you standing alone, trying to comprehend what had happened.

   8.    he‘s a great listener.

jeno has officially replaced seol as your movie buddy, not that you have a problem with it. you thought it was nice to have someone you could actually converse with but of course, you make sure seol still sits in.

“what i’m saying is that iron man just wants to protect his team.”

“well, if they sign the accords, they basically surrender themselves to the government.”

“and?”

“you don’t see a problem with that? see, captain america knows what he’s doing. he’s literally an avenger—“

“so is iron man!”

“let me finish! so, he’s an avenger, right? he has the best judgment because he’s saved the world countless times. he knows how to operate his team and do the right thing.”

“okay but there’s casualties. and that’s what iron man is trying to fix.”

“how do you save the world and not have casualties?”

“you just—“ your phone rings mid argument and you raise your finger towards jeno. “this isn’t over.” you put the phone to your ear, not bothering to check the caller id. “hello?”

“sweetheart?”

you feel a chill go up your spine. was it him? no, it couldn’t be. you had blocked his number shortly after you did so on all your social media.

“baby, don’t be so shy. i know you’re there.”

you can’t hold back. “please don’t call me that.”

he chuckles, breathlessly. “oh, c’mon. you used to love it. you still do.”

“no, i don’t. actually, i don’t want to hear your stupid pet names or stupid voice or see any of your stupid posts. just go bother your girlfriend and leave me alone.”

you notice jeno perk up beside you out of the corner of your eye. he must have been caught off guard by your irritated tone.

as always, lucas is unaffected by you. “i’m being nice and giving you a second chance. i even called you behind soyeon’s back.”

“is that something i’m supposed to reward you for?” you scoff. “congratulations, you’re now awful, toxic, and a cheater.”

he growls. the sound was familiar. in your relationship, if you heard it you knew he was going to snap at you until he had the satisfaction of making you cry. “i know you miss me so don’t say things you’re going to regret later. because even when you’re back in my arms, i won’t let you forget it.”

the thought of being back with him made you feel icky. but the fact that he sincerely thought you would crawl back to him set your entire body on fire. “are you joking? i was always aware of the fact that you treated me like the dirt you walked on but do you seriously think that lowly of me?”

you’re rendered speechless and apparently, so is he because the other line stays silent.

“i wouldn’t go back to you if you were the last person on earth,” you spit. “you treated me horribly, wong yukhei. i won’t ever forget it. move on. i have.”

you glance at jeno, his expression more serious than you’ve ever seen it. his eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes are trained on your cellphone. the glare he gives the device is so strong you wouldn’t be surprised if even lucas could feel it, wherever he was.

you hang up and block the number, wishing to never talk to him again. you toss your phone onto the sofa with an exasperated sigh. you find jeno’s gaze to still be focused intensely on it.  

“if you gave lucas that look, i’m pretty sure he’d cry.”

he breaks his concentration, eyes going to you instead. his entire face softens. “all i’m going to say is he better pray we never cross paths.”

“well, if you happen to, call me up. i wouldn’t mind helping you beat the crap out of him.”

jeno chuckles for a second then lowers his voice to a whisper. “he was really bad to you, huh?”

you nod. “he messed me up. i hate to admit it ‘cause i know i was stupid to stay with him for as long as i did.”

your roommate shakes his head. “don’t say that. it’s not your fault he messed up the best thing that would ever happen to him.”

“i thought i was the problem for so long, jeno. i was so blinded by love. then, i realized there was no way he truly cared for me when he treated me like i had no heart to be broken.”

jeno scoots towards you and rubs soothing circles into your arm. “you have such a big heart. and i can’t tell you how sorry i am that he took advantage of that. i’m sorry that you were stuck with someone so insecure and ignorant. please, don’t think about him anymore.”

you hold in your tears. you refused to cry over someone like lucas. “i know. i try so hard not to.”

jeno holds your head into his chest. his arms are placed securely on your back. “oh, baby.”

when jeno uses this pet name on you, it feels so completely different from lucas. you could tell me meant it. he wasn’t using it to make you stay a little longer, to assure you he loved you. strangely enough, you do not need to be convinced of that. you feel like you have known it for a long time.  

   9.    he likes to be the big spoon.

you’re not sure how he’s done it but you end up falling asleep in jeno’s arms. you assume it had been so long since you had been cradled and rocked so delicately that the foreign yet extremely delightful sensation knocked you right out. even seol is deep in sleep, laying down peacefully at your feet.  

you relish in the feeling of jeno pressed right into your back. he fits so perfectly against you that it reminds you of a puzzle piece. to be exact, the moment when you connect the last two pieces and the full picture becomes complete. that was how you felt—complete.

with jeno’s soft breaths tickling the back of your neck and his soft snores filling your ear, you know there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. his arm that is wrapped around you makes sure you can’t escape his embrace. you are positive that even if you had the liberty of doing so, you would stay exactly where you were.

you lean farther back into your pillow, closing your eyes. you let every thought fade away as you try to fall back asleep as soon as possible. you wanted the moment you found yourself in to last as long as possible.

   10.    he has feelings for you.

jeno mumbles sweet nothings into your ear as he toys with your hair.

it just seemed right to him. like something he was meant to do with you. he had seen these types of things in films and shows before. it was intimate and touching, the scenes were always meant to tug at the audience’s heart strings and show how in love the two characters were. perhaps, even though you lay asleep in his arms, he wants you to finally know.

“honestly, being inside with you all the time is kind of the best. i know the whole virus situation is less than ideal but being able to spend so much time with you... that’s all i could ask for.” he pauses. “isn’t it so crazy how before this we were all weird and awkward around each other? well, i guess we still kind of are. that’s mostly my fault so... sorry. i just don’t know how to act around you sometimes. we’re barely getting close and i’m already this attached to you. as jisung would so kindly say, ‘i’m simping’.” he chuckles to himself. “all jokes aside, i really do like you. ever since you moved in here all cute and nervous, you’ve taken your own little place in my heart, as cheesy as it sounds. and these past few weeks, you just keep on taking up more and more room in there. not that i have a problem with it. i just...” he stops as if he doesn’t know how else to express his feelings. “really, really like you.”

“thanks.”

you feel him jolt then abruptly stop stroking your hair. there’s silence until he asks, “you don’t happen to be a sleep talker, do you?”

you shake your head.

“and did you hear like, a lot of what i said?”

“only the important stuff. like how awkward you are and how much you like me.”

“o-oh.”

“but don’t worry. it’s mutual.”

you feel his relieved breath hit the skin of your neck. “that’s the best thing i’ve heard all day.”

you tilt your head back and stare at him, confused. “what, did you seriously think i wasn’t into you?”

he shrugs. “i was too busy simping, i guess.”

you can’t contain your laughter at the use of the slang. “park jisung would not be proud.”   

[girlindelusionn]

finally finished himym!! hated the finale (of course) so here's another "most likely to" but much longer to help me cope (negate, why lie to you) with how the most awesome couple ended

(also this probably has a million mistakes but im too lazy to do something about it, having to write in english is hard man, so please ignore it:D)

most likely to: swarkles version :)

Who spends almost all their money on the other?

barney, definitely. he's not exactly the best at actually coming up with gifts so sometimes for birthdays or stuff like that he just takes her to the mall and lets her pick whatever she wants (he also makes fun of her the whole time, but i don't think it's necessary to clarify that)

Which one drives the car and which one gives them directions?

barney doesn't know how to drive and is generally better with technology, so robin drives and he gives directions and prevents her fights with the gps to get really violent

also robin is a REALLY violent driver, she doesn't go really fast but if anyone has the audacity to get in her way shes going to definitely roast the fuck out of them

"oh i know you're not honking at me… LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT, IM GOING TO MAKE THE TURN WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? YOU WANT ME TO FLY OVER YOU? GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND LET ME GET IN THE FUCKING L– there you go, thanks!..."

Which one gives the other a piggyback ride when they're tired?

barney to robin, one of the "corny couple" million things he swore he wasn't going to do. but then robin simply looks at him with a sad face, explaining how much her feet hurt and he can't say no

Who is the most affectionate?

barney, actually

it's surprising, cause he's always been someone who likes his space but there's times, mostly in private, when he just can't keep his hands to himself. and you would think it's purely sexual but no, in the contrary, most times it's just a hand in her hair or her back, or demanding hugs and cuddles

Who falls asleep in the other's lap and who carries them to bed?

trick question! barney is who carries robin to bed, but she falls asleep in his shoulder

and he is the one who falls asleep in robin's lap, with her running her hands through his hair

Who wakes up first?

neither of them is a morning person, but usually robin works out in mornings so her. on weekends they stay in bed as long as they can

Who apologizes first after an argument?

they're both stubborn as hell so they schedule apologizes and take turns on doing it

Who is the nerd?

both of them, in different aspects. like robin likes math to the point of doing problems and equations for fun ??? and well, barney is a huge star wars, lord of the rings, that kinda books, nerd

i like to think that they have harry potter in common, they've read all the books, make marathons with the movies, they even went to the universal park! and had a lot of fun there (of course they've never told the guys that)

Who makes the other one laugh the most?

barney, he knows robin cant be mad and laughing at the same time and he uses it as an advantage

Who sleep talks?

robin 🥺

Who hogs the blankets at night?

also robin, but barney doesn't care

Who is the neat freak?

neither of them, but they manage to keep the place decent

Who likes to surprise the other with random gifts?

barney! single flowers, tiny chocolates, etc

Who buys the healthy food in the house?

robin, but it's mostly barney who does the actual cooking

Who has better music taste?

robin 😎

Who takes care of the spiders?

they do it together as a team, and if that doesn't work (aka if the spider is slightly bigger than average) they just go whining to marshall and he fixes it

Who uses more nicknames?

barney is mostly sweetie but after the wedding robin is kinda obsessed with the word husband

"so how's the most handsome husband, huh?"

"did you buyed the milk I texted you for, husband?"

"hi, husband!!"

robin is babe or sometimes honey, and after the wedding barney keeps calling her his "ex-girlfriend" (don't tell anyone, but he also LOVES the term wife, he can't comprehend how is he so lucky to have her as his wife)

(update after actually finishing the show: r-train and b-nasty!!!)

Who's the little spoon?

first year of dating? robin

after that is barney, you can't change my mind

Who suggests scary movies for film night?

robin!! but they both like them

Who gets jealous more often?

both, barney is less dissimulated about it

Who brings up kids first?

no of them, lol

Who borrows who's clothes more?

robin, she has stole the few hoodies he had and sometimes for sexy times likes using his ties

barney secretly uses some of her giganteus t shirts (he makes fun of her for buying them but he's actually glad she does) for sleep when she's away for the night

...they smell like her, okay? leave him alone

(also he loves when she uses his underwear and sometimes the only way to convince her to do it is doing the same himself, so he has wore panties)

(don't tell ted)

(please)

Who cries more during sad movies?

barney, is hard for robin to cry for movies, also he loves villains and they hardly have a happy ending so...

Who falls asleep on the other more?

robin, she falls asleep very easily

Who says I love you more?

barney :)

Who initiates kisses more?

also blondie, again he's a little obsessed with his wife

Who initiates hugs more?

robin this time

Who takes more pictures of the other?

robin, for sure. at first it was cause she wanted that bad picture of him, but then his husband is really cute with his sleepy eyes and the sun on his face, or looks so excited to watch the next episode of some lame show, or he's bringing her breakfast at bed with a big smile or looks a little too good with his new suit and she can't help but take her phone out and snap a pic of him

Who leaves notes for the other one around the house?

barney, at first it was to annoy her, like writing "you lost the game!!" at random places (i'm sorry lmao, i just realized i made you lose too, lol) or "sorry, babe! i ate it all last night" at the empty wrappers of candy in the fridge

but then one day barney found one in a coffee mug:

"wow, you didn't put much imagination in hiding this one, didn't you?" he said, his girlfriend was in the bedroom finishing to get ready for work.

"read it!!" she shot back, a little… nervous?

"i love you", the note said.

"scherbatsky?"

"yeah...?"

"come here"

"what's up?" she finally showed up to the living room, looking all tiny and scared

"love you too, loser"

Who gets drunk faster?

barney? i don't know, they both handle scotch pretty well, so i'm guessing it takes a while for them to get drunk

Who gets hit on more by strangers?

robin, but she couldn't care less

Who makes food for the house more often?

barney, he's a surprisingly good cook

[rigelmejo]

march 3/15/2021

im trying to read through tae kim’s grammar guide right now because i’m officially further in the nukemarine LLJ  memrise decks (there’s tae kim grammar guide sections in there) than i am in actually reading the grammar guide. And obviously these example sentences in the memrise deck would teach me more if i CLEARLY understood why they’re like how they are. which i... need to read the grammar guide section to understand lol.

my goal rn with japanese is? to get further in the nukemarine LLJ decks than i did last time. I’ve already mildly accomplished that (have done officially MORE of the tae kim section than before, have NOT redone the 190 common words i did last time i did this though). there are about 400 more cards in this tae kim section (LLJ 4) and then 1000ish cards in the common word section (LLJ 5). I would love to get them done. 

it would be sweet if i could get them done before April 22?/24? whenever Nier Replicant comes out because then I could play that baby in english and japanese! Then Nier Automata! ToT The Entire thing that kicked me back into wanting to study japanese was my old love for certain video games and desperately wanting to know what their stories/characters are like before translation/localization. So it would be cool if I could play them a little ;-; or at least check out lets plays. 

(which, checking out the kh2 lets play has been going pretty well so far... also that part where namine says “we aren’t meant to exist” and roxas says “how could you say such a thing? even if it were true” he says in japanese like “thats brutal/harsh to say. even if its true.” ...great to know that line is equally raw and heartbreaking in japanese lol. KH2′s localization did real good on like equal vibe to original just like ‘less nuanced’ if that makes sense. also thanks to the chinese hanzi i know now watching the KH2 lets play means i can figure out a lot of noun’s writing even though i don’t catch the pronunciation... also i’m catching a lot of words that mean like ‘beautiful/good’ as in like ‘great move’ and ‘dang’ lol.)

i had to stop myself from redoing the chinese flashcards i’ve done in the past! because i get ‘into a zone’ lol. And i really don’t need to waste time redoing those 2000 cards. i also needed to stop myself from doing the hsk 5-6 cards. because realistically? i know half of them, i should just set a lot to ‘ignore’ on the computer but im too lazy, and i’m learning a lot of vocab from reading right now. i don’t need hsk words to pass any test. The words i’m learning right now in reading are a lot more applicable to the actual shows i watch/things i listen to/things i read. its more useful to me to keep reading. and also to not sidetrack my japanese lol. i have read... 39 chapters this month... this month is only half over! hanshe is truly motivating ToT it also helps the story CONSTANTLY ends on cliffhangers so i keep clicking next chapter. who knows, maybe hanshe will help me kick up my reading speed. it already shaved off 10 minutes per 20 pages - now my 20 pages are down to 30 minutes to read, which is better than a few months ago. hanshe has 155 chapters so i HOPE it speeds up my reading lol.

hanshe is increasing my vocab though, its definitely noticeable over time. and hanshe has really good repetition of vocab which helps with learning and later the payoff means i never have to look up the word in future once its learned while it remains useful to me and i keep being reminded of it. after i get bored of hanshe OR i finish it, whichever comes first, its either back to a priest novel or into another pingxie fanfic written by hanshe’s author. The author did one fanfic that’s only 33 chapters so that would be NICE to do after this one lol ToT

summary of what’s turned out to be my studying methods this month:

Japanese:

reading through grammar guides (the one yue-muffin made and tae kim’s). so just grammar explanation reading.

doing nukemarine LLJ decks (in the ACTUAL order they are in the deck to completion - last time i did like 3 per time and never finished any lol. this is bolded because it’s the primary activity i’m prioritizing). so SRS flashcards. it’s working well right now because i can just put this activity in anytime i have downtime, like when i pause shows (since we know me i gotta take a break from a show every 20 minutes lol). i am bafflingly in a flashcard mood and i’m trying to take advantage of it while i got it. 

*when i feel like it: watching kh2 lets play. so some immersion where i look up words. (and when Nier Replicant remaster releases next month I’m likely to at least a tiny bit try to play it in japanese ToT lol we’ll see)

so grammar reading, srs flashcards covering some grammar/listening/reading/vocab, and some optional immersion.

(a note: i gave up on the japaneseaudiolessons for now because i got bored. its a great resource! i just don’t feel like it right now. and from an efficiency perspective, nukemarine LLJ decks cover vocab, grammar, audio, reading - so I don’t need another resource for that right now).

Chinese:

reading through hanshe. so immersion reading, intensive reading looking up unknown words. (unknown words are happening less so its getting less ‘intense’ lol)

listening to Chinese Spoonfed Audio. so listening to audio flashcards. for building up listening comprehension/repetition to pick up some more common words. (i’ve been doing this during daily walks making it much easier for me to consistently do, doing it mainly to supplement the Reading Heavy study i’m doing, i can drop this and pick it up later if i want since its mostly easy background listening)

*I am slowly rereading the grammar guide on www.chinese-grammar.com for explicit grammar clarification. but this is not a high priority, since I sort of implicitly understand a lot of this and i’m not working on fixing production mistakes yet. i just... miss knowing wtf is going on in the grammar lol.

*when i feel like it: Listening Reading The Glass Maiden/Love and Redemption Novel. I’ve done 2-3 hours of it this past week, but i don’t know when or if I’ll just stop. Thankfully l-r is beneficial somewhat even if i switch up books later. i WANT to L-R you have no idea (to Silent Reading and Guardian REALLY badly lol). But its so time intensive, and requires a lot of focus, and i have to really plan to do it for an hour at a time usually. I am so bad at doing stuff for that long consistently. I was in the mood earlier this week! ToT 

*when i feel like it: watching chinese shows raw. I was super in the mood this month because Word of Honor came out, and Killer and Healer came out, and Rattan came out, and I didn’t want to wait for subs. As a result I watched a LOT of raw episodes this month. However, english subs have caught up and since I’m lazy I’m inclined to just watch the subs - especially since youku ITSELF just put english subs on their most-ahead viewing schedule version of the eps on youku vip. so guess who’s buying youuku vip today? -3-)/ That said... even if I stop for a while, if Rattan subs move too slow I’ll probably watch those raw. And as SOON as 2ha’s drama Immortality drops I am highly likely to watch the raws for that since I likely won’t be able to wait. Watching shows is pretty highly dependent on how much I want to watch something and if subs take a while lol. 

so reading, and listening. and a little listening-reading method too. mainly just working on reading, listening, vocab acquisition. chinese is going good - for a few months now i’ve just had the plan ‘read often while looking up unknown words, and add some listening study activity when i have time.’ It’s simple, and its been working well.  later on down the road i’ll need some explicit grammar clarification again, but this is bare bones enough of a study plan at the moment. i’m clearly picking up words and phrases and hanzi at a reasonable pace. its not the Fastest obviously, but it is causing improvement over time and since i’m enjoying it i see no reason to change it up.

ending things

...who knows WHY i am so well focused this month with so much energy... tbh... i track how many chapters i read a month/audio i listen to/show episodes i watch etc, and this month is like as much as 3 other of my usual months combined. also my japanese has been basically ‘dabbling only’ prior to this month.

 although... maybe in part its how i’ve gotten better at reading hanshe? Reading being easier certainly motivates me TO read more. And watching shows was MUCH easier this month (still not ‘easy’ but following the main plot is) which definitely makes me Want to watch more. Also i am... unbelievably motivated by a challenge. I think i got it in my head that i ‘really want to do more of Nukemarine’s LLJ courses and see how much i understand after them’ and now... i really want them DONE. so maybe the current things motivating me will hold out for a while. 

(On the listening-reading front meanwhile, that activity takes SO much concentration its hard to do if i’m tired, BUT i have so many TRANSLATED novels i want to read recently and honestly its fun hearing the chinese narration and audiobook actors so like... i very much Want to do l-r so i can hear them as i read the translation... immovable object of me tired versus how much i’m interested in them lol ToT).

also thank u thank u @a-whump-muffin for sending me those lets plays because honestly it got me so excited again and its so cool to see them!!! <3 <3 and its so much easier to watch them versus committing to playing a whole game myself just yet ToT 

[chelleztjs18]

Hello you. Haha yes the more fun fact I get, the longer your nickname will be! 😅

I love eggs with rice. There's this seasoning sauce that I put on the rice, it's not soy sauce though. It's my go to meal if I am lazy or have leftover rice.

No no, cheese on steak? No that just sounds crazy. And sautéed mushrooms are so good too, do you put onions with it? I've only had tofu when I was younger when I had to give up meat for Lent. I liked it I think 😅

Do you have a favorite brand of dark chocolate? I like Lindt Lindor chocolates..the little red ball of chocolate that has stuff in the middle. They are so good, whenever I get a bag, I put it in the fridge because I think it's so much better cold.

I like Claire, she can be a hard ass sometimes but I think she means well. I love her and Phil's relationship, they're such opposites but they flow and work well together. So you're the strict parent and he is the fun happy go lucky parent? 🤣

I think I would be like Phil if I did have kids. I am already like him now with my nieces and nephew. I agree, I wanted Haley to end up with Andy, Dylan is okay but he is just so dumb... at least Haley has good senses sometimes. I have a few favorite episodes, I love the one where Claire was online and we see everything from her laptop. What about you?

You know, I have never had a real tree at all. Every year I always think it would be the year I'll try to have a real tree, but then change my mind because cats. Hahaha.

I think I would rather go into the future too. So you'd fix your own mistake or the mistake of society?

Would you rather be funny but really dumb or boring but super smart?

- CuriousGeorge

Hi hi! I just woke up. I fell asleep when i tried to make my daughter nap in her new room. 😅 gosh, nap always make me feel so good. Lol. Then i woke up n get ready to go get our christmas tree and had dinner. I drove there, n now we r on the way home.

Hahhaha im surprised that u didnt come up with a new nickname after my last answer. 😅 how was ur day by the way?

Yeeess eggs with rice are so good. Oh which sauce is that? I might know.haha is it like a seasoning sauce with a green cap on the bottle?

Yeah cheese on steak is a no go for me. I would go there but order it without the cheese.lol. no i dont out onion on my steak.. i dont really like onions but if it's called in a recipe to bring up flavors, i dont mind.. i hate onion rings.. i cant stand the smell, n the thought of how greasy it is makes me feel uncomfortable.😁 buuutttt, i loooooveee green onions. Especially if it's fresh cut on my rice or soup..

Do u eat spicy? Also what about food with spice and herbs? What spices n herbs u like? I looooove lemon grass and basil.

Oh mushrooms are good. My favorite mushroom is shitake mushroom and the black ones that looks like an ear (i think thats how some people call it) it has crunchy texture.

Oh tofu, i looove tofu! I love anyway we can cook on tofu. When i was a kid my sister used to call me the "tofu kid" 😅

Haha thats my favorite toooo! Thats like the truffle one or something, right?But i like the black ones.. u should try it! I also like the bar one, dark chocolate with orange, or with sea salt. U should try it. I can give u a pict of them if u want.

Haha yeah im the not so fun parent who keep trying to draw lines of rules. 😅 so yeah im kinda like Claire.. aaw thats sweet that u r like phil. Hahhaha.u will be the fun parent. N yes! I want Hailey to be end up it Andy.. or Arvin the british scientist.lol.

OH MY GOOOOD! Yeees! Yes! That's my favorite episode too! I love u more for that! It's the season 6 episode 16 n the episode called "Connection Lost" hahaha. I watch that episode so many times n i still laughed out loud. The part that Cam said to Claire "Not cool, Grandma!" After she dumped out the life changing popcorn 🤣 gosh i love that episode. It's a very cool concept n all the jokes are so funny.. any favorite part? I can even talk about that episode on n on.hahhaha.

U should try to get one, a small one so if the cats climb on it n it falls it wont be that bad 😁. I love the smell of the real tree.. i got a different type than i usually get n it smells so much better.

Yeah i will try to fix my mistakes first n hv a better life n when i hv enough power to do that i would try to fix what i can fix around the society 😅 i hope i dont sound too weird or anything.

I think i would rather be smart n boring. I meant it's fun to b funny but im sure it will get old n people wont think im funny anymore. If im smart i can create something good for people n if they dont like me for being boring, its fine with me. I dont mind to hv small circle of friends that appreciate my existence despite me being boring. 😅 what about u?

Cheerio!

[vennilavee]

drown the lovers

this is kinda an add on to this thing right here

Pairing: lance tucker x reader

Summary: alcohol, shenanigans, lance, and you.

Word Count: 2009

Warnings: alcohol, adult situations

A/N: UmmMMMM this is my attempt in writing smut. there’s no smut in this part because i’m...still working to writing that lmao pls bear with me ok IM SHY. there will definitely a part II. listen to drown the lovers by R I T U A L and 6LACK PLS let me know what you think lol

You and Lance are both social butterflies and even though the pair have been together for a few years now, you both would choose a Friday night out with friends more often than a night in.

That’s not to say that the two of you didn’t have your fair share of lazy nights.

You both enjoy teasing each other when you went out, with barely there kisses, hands hovering over each other but not quite where you wanted them. He likes watching you mingle with his friends and you like watching him mingle with yours. 

Desire is pooling in the both of you before you guys had even left your apartment. You almost suggested ditching your mutual friends and staying in- he looked so delicious in his dress shirt with his sleeves rolled up neatly to his elbows and his khakis. 

Little did you know that the same suggestion was on the tip of his tongue. Lance was certain you did this on purpose- you knew how much he liked those dark jeans on you and that silky, shimmery pink top that only hints at your cleavage. 

Lance is certain that your cherry red lipstick will end up somewhere on his skin before the end of the night, and he looks forward to it.

Tossing back the shot of Tequila and biting into your lime slice, you wince for a moment. You like Tequila, you really do, but it’s been a while. It burns, but the burn fades away and you’re left with drunkenness.

The first time you tossed back three consecutive Tequila shots without fail, Lance openly gaped at you and said he knew you were a freak- because who in their right mind could do that so painlessly?

You’re usually the one buying shots and drinks when you go out- something Lance tried dissuading you from doing in the beginning. Just so you don’t make a dent in your wallet whenever you went out. He’s even tried holding on to your wallet when you don’t bring a purse, but you’re sneaky. 

But he doesn’t protest so much anymore. Your generosity knows no bounds, especially when it comes to your friends having a good time.

You find him a few minutes later, making your way over to him. Lance catches your eye, already recognizing your drunken grin and your glassy eyes. You seem to not have noticed that your top is sliding down your chest a little bit and he discreetly fixes your top when you hug him so that nobody but him gets an eyeful of you.

“Thank you, baby,” You murmur into his ear, leaning into him, “Here, I got you a drink.” Your friends have dispersed, giving you some time alone.

“So thoughtful, baby girl,” Lance presses a kiss to your hair and you beam at him in his embrace.

You always responded to praise from him. 

It’s when he’s clambering into the Uber after you that Lance realizes how drunk the both of you really are. He’s not surprised, not really- he had seen you take at least three shots of Tequila and he was sure you had drank more.

You used to be able to handle more alcohol, but the older you got, the less you were able to. You were well and proper drunk, giggling at him in the Uber. The pair of you weren’t shy about PDA, but you drew a line usually when it got passed heavy making out.

This time though, Lance knows the Uber driver is keeping his smirk to himself and avoiding eye contact with him in the rearview mirror. Because your lips are all over him, your hands trailing up and down his thighs. 

But he’s turning his head so that you miss his lips and for the life of you, you can’t understand why.

Your brown eyes are wide and sad and he feels guilty. He really does. But he doesn’t want to do this when they have a clear audience who is watching intently.

“Why won’t you kiss me?” You ask him in a muted whisper. Except it’s not muted, the Uber driver doesn’t bother concealing his snicker and your voice slurs.

“Baby, we’re almost home,” Lance tries to reason with you but he already sees drunken tears forming in your eyes.

“You haven’t even kissed me all night,” You murmur to yourself. Your bottom lip is starting to tremble and you move away from him, facing the other window. Hands wringing together in your lap and uncertainty painting every fiber of your being, you try your best not to cry.

But a few tears slip out of your eyes.  

Lance knows you. He knows when one small thing upsets you when you drink, you start crying. He’s usually not on the receiving end of it- usually a friend will upset you, or you’ll get upset if the McFlurry machine isn’t working when you force him to go with you to McDonald’s with you.

When you two had first started dating, you apologized profusely for it, on the rare occasion it did happen. It was annoying, you were sure, that you would sometimes get upset over nothing. You had gotten better over the years, but this one thing still happened once in a while. He didn’t mind, he really didn’t and he was surprised by that, too. He liked seeing your tough girl facade fall in front of him- you trusted him enough to be vulnerable with him.

But when he was the reason you were upset... his heart lurches.

When you sniffle, he edges closer to you but you won’t look at him. 

“Baby girl, please,” Lance pleads with you softly. He tries tugging your chin to face him but you jerk away, leaving him empty.

The rest of the car ride is quiet, but you still let him hold your hand. Lance cautiously pulls you into his side and you melt into him. You seem to have forgotten that you were upset- you’re stroking his thigh absent-mindedly. 

But Lance knows you’re playing games with him, and he catches the small smile on your face.

You’ve dropped your keys to your shared apartment with Lance about three times trying to unlock the door. You blame him though- he’s pressed against you, his hands running up and down your waist from under your shirt. His lips are against your neck, pressing kisses there- he even nibble at your earlobe.

You’re not helping though, you push back into him as you bend over to grab your keys for the third time.

Once you finally unlock the door, the both of you stumble into your apartment in a fit of giggles. You kick your flats off and place your purse on the kitchen counter.

“Water?” You ask hoarsely. He nods but before you can fill up a cup for the both of you, he pushes you against the kitchen counter. You look up at him in surprise.

“Can I help you?” You quirk an eyebrow up at him, tilting your head to the side. 

“I’m just tryna love on you, baby girl...” Lance tries kissing you but you turn your head with a laugh.

“Now you wanna love on me?” You pout at him. He knows you’re just teasing though, because your hands are trailing up and down his chest.

“I always wanna love on you,” Lance confirms, his hands roaming under your shirt, “I’m sorry I made you cry, that Uber driver was watching and I didn’t want-”

“I just wanted a kiss, Lance,” You pout, your eyes meeting his, “Just a kiss.”

Your red lips are parted slightly and you sigh at him. Lance looks so handsome  like this- with his eyebrows knitted in concern, adoration splashed across his face, his hair fluffy from running his hands through it. He mistakes your sigh for frustration. You’re starting to sober up a little, but tipsiness still tints your mind.

Your hand strokes his neck lightly and you take his chin in your hands. Lance can see the slickness of intoxication in your eyes and your playful grin. You press your lips to his forehead, kissing your way down his jawline, nibbling at the spot right below his ear. He moans quietly and you smile into his skin before pushing him away slightly. 

His skin is tinted red from your lipstick.

You’re about to head into your bedroom, trying to be coy or something. But he tugs your wrist back to him roughly and your breath catches in your throat.

“Where you going, baby girl? Not even a kiss?” Lance murmurs, pushing you back into his hold against the kitchen counter.

“Nope,” You pop the ‘p’, relishing in the way his blue eyes are alight with desire for you.

His big hands are splayed across your hips. One hand curls around you to squeeze your ass. Your hands find their way to his neck, playing with the hairs there.

You don’t know why the both of you do this. This dance with each other, this dance filled with tension when you both know how deep your affection and desire for each other runs.

You finally push yourself up on your toes and press your lips to his without warning. He gasps into your mouth before responding twice as enthusiastically as you. A moan escapes his lips when you bite down on his bottom lip with a smile. He pulls away for a moment before lifting you up and sitting you down on the counter, so you’re eye-level with him.

Lance locks his lips with you again, and you think you would give up oxygen if that meant that Lance would be kissing you at all hours of the day. His kiss is searing, needy- the kind of kiss that makes your toes curl. 

One of the many things you love about Lance is how he throws himself into everything and anything he cares about. When you first started dating, you were a little dizzy from how intense he was with you. You weren’t used to it and you weren’t expecting it. 

But you were his queen.

Lance latches onto your neck, pressing his lips to your favorite spots there. You tilt your head to allow him more skin along the column of your neck. 

“You smell so good, baby girl,” Lance murmurs. The vibrations of his voice feel nice against your skin.

“It’s that perfume you got me the other day,” You reply, your eyes still closed.

“First time wearing it, right?” He asks, continuing to bite and nip at your neck. He makes his way down to your collarbones as your hands card through his hair. Your skin is hot and you wonder if he realizes how every time he touches you, you feel like you’re on fire.

“All for you, baby boy,” You smile, your eyes a little dazed. His right hand trails up your back to unhook your bra eagerly. 

Somehow, he always manages to do this while he’s kissing you. Lance Tucker is truly a man of many talents.

Lance tugs you out of your shirt and his gaze is scorching. Your face heats up, despite this being far from the first time he’s seen you. He always makes you feel beautiful and sexy, though. Even with just a glance or a few words.

“And these?” Lance almost purrs at you, his hands brushing against your bare breasts, “These all for me, too?”

“No, they’re for the dude down the hall who helped me with the groceries the other day,” You roll your eyes at him, “Shall I call him here?”

Lance tightens his grip on your hips and you grin. He moves his grip to your neck, his thumb brushing against your jaw.

“You are such a smartass,” Lance groans, “God, that mouth on you.”

Wordlessly, you part your lips slightly. You bat your eyelashes at him and suck on his thumb lightly, enjoying the way his eyes widen. 

The wet walls of your mouth against his thumb have him thinking about something else entirely.

“Oh, this mouth?” You ask, “You already know what this mouth does, baby.”

tags

@valynsia @letsbri-honest

[identitycris1s]

im back

hi just thought id pop in with a status update! maybe i’ll break this down into categories. feel like im doing an email update (ew!) but this rly is probs the best way to structure this post...

work / school (?)

work has been....aite. idk what to say. idk if i have unrealistic expectations of what work is supposed to be, but the idealist in me thinks its wrong to not even try and find something that seems meaningful / is deeply fulfilling. i think im mature enough to get that work isnt supposed to be fun / exciting every single day but bro this daily grind / sense of dread / utter disinterest / feeling of futility / frustration / disenchantment surely isnt the correct state of affairs.....at least let me try and find something that is a better fit, thats more stimulating, that feels more NATURAL to me? i just dont think im cut out to be a lawyer. sure i sometimes like arguing and making my point and i like that everyone i work with is smart and interesting and generally kind and reasonable and i like the prestige of the job and feeling like ppl respect me and i like the decent pay and the humane hours but.....i feel unmotivated to be a good lawyer. i think i find it difficult / disingenuous to always 100% get behind my client and advocate for their best interests. i tend to see things from a zoomed out perspective, like WHY are we fighting, WHY cant we just settle, WHY are the claimants pursuing this absolutely crap and unmeritorious claim and WHY do we have to defend it when its stupid and bound to fail (cos access2justice i guess but still, WHY), WHY cant we just hash things out in a meeting instead of sending emails here and there and wasting time, WHY do we have to answer stupid questions, WHY WHY WHY

and i think public policy is sort of an answer to that....i think theres more questioning of why we do things and why a policy will or will not work, in a macro sense - what is good for society at large. whereas in law (at least in litigation) its how can we just move this case forward and help the client, which is often not the most productive thing to do in a macro sense - very much a zero sum game. i get that shitty / unmeritorious claims still need to be defended against and someone has to do it and I GET IT but i just dont think i want to be that person defending these claims...or bringing them for that matter.....ultimately i cant fully / sincerely separate the overarching sense of futility from the duty to do a good job.

sigh. well at least ive kind of figured out this isnt for me. which is scary cos being a lawyer in this firm is pretty much a career for life - truly an iron rice bowl, i could probably make partner in maybe 4 or 5 years and live a comfortable upper middle class life...but i cant bring myself to do that. i cant bring myself to not give myself a shot at doing something i actually find interesting, stimulating and that i care about deeply. call me crazy! we’ll see where this brings me in 5 years’ time....:) 

anyway most ppl at work (at least in my team) know that im most likely gonna leave soon. i rly only told 2 ppl (my boss cos he had to sign off on my testimonial and G cos she was quitting anyway)...but somehow ppl found out one way or another. i dont rly mind and ppl have been taking it pretty well and have been kind and encouraging (i guess why would they not take it well, im hardly indispensable) but i get a bit antsy thinking - what if i dont get in...then what? do i just put my head down and continue here (BUT IM SO SAD) or do i just quit without any prospects and try to find a policy-ish job??

idk. will have faith that God will put me where I need to be. he is in control of it all and I BELIEVE THIS !!! I am just a bit scared that his plan is different from what i  think i want....but this is just my human instinct and i know in my head that there is no reason to be scared cos his plan is always the better one. head knowledge just needs to translate to heart understanding and real trust / faith.

ermmm relationships...???

i started using...cmb...idk why i find this so cringey. i guess about a year ago i couldnt imagine doing this and i kept thinking EW what if ppl i know see me and they think im a desperate saddo who cant find a bf irl and has to resort to an app EW shes so lame and ugly and gross. and i realised that is so stupid no one actually thinks that way and its very backward and dumb and insecure of me to be thinking that. and anyway as i get older i rly dont quite give a shit what ppl think of me (at least i tell myself that....)

i suppose i was also inspired by csm who has been quite actively using apps and meeting ppl and taking real..strides..(LOL) in her dating life. i used to tell myself hey God will provide u with a mans if he wants u to be with a mans. but also God can use an app to do that...and if i dont step out in faith that he will do something and i dont take any action at all, how is God gonna work?? should i sit at home and expect a man to fall into my lap??

for some ppl it has been way easier, e.g. my parents meeting in uni and falling i love. i always wanted that - the organic relationship, the meet-cute, the friends to lovers thing. (i guess i tried that last one before and it didnt work...) but i think theres no point in romanticising relationships anymore. thats a very modern thing to do and its not necessarily a good thing? like who’s to say a relationship that had organic beginnings is intrinsically better than one that started from an app?

anyway i havent had much luck haha i think its hard to find genuine GCBs (or maybe theyre just not attracted to me....) although recently ive been talking to this one guy B for a week or two and its been...ok i guess. hes rly nice and seemed cool at first - we talked about travelling and hamilton and the office, which was a good start. he is thoughtful and kind and doesnt seem to be put off by my very slow replies (he replies so fast......its stressful a bit) and he does the whole good morning text thing (which i frankly find a bit bizarre, we barely know each other..?? and ive never even met him irl.. but its sweet i guess :))

but DUDE his english seems to be not great - at least thats the impression i get from texting him. which is an issue for me. i dont want it to be BUT IT IS...first red flag was when he said some weird thing about not wanting to wear a mask at work (not a literal mask - like he didnt know if he could be his ‘true self’) and the wording was very strange. then he said “the weekends are almost here” ?? the weekend is not a plural though? then he used the wrong tense a few times and his apostrophe usage was wrong (”Gods’ love” - bro there is one God). he also uses way too many commas which irks me.

i mean i get that text is supposed to be an informal medium - come on look at this post, there r hardly any capital letters and plenty of short forms and hardly any apostrophes but u see its CONSISTENT and its obviously cos of laziness / convenience - but i think his problem is a bit different...u can sort of tell if someone doesnt have a 100% strong grasp of english. those r basic grammar mistakes man...i get that i sound petty and stupid and this isnt a huge deal but i feel like im settling by even talking to him cos this is not something i wld normally tolerate but hey maybe im getting desperate with age :(:(:( urgh 

on the other hand maybe i just need to be more generous with ppl and l have an irrationally high standard for english cos i am a lawyer and my friends all speak well / text well?? maybe im just being too nitpicky?? honestly hes very nice  and communicative and straightforward and seems mature and very God-fearing and idk why hes still talking to me cos ive been a bit cold and slow to respond. hes very patient which i dont rly deserve.....i myself have a million flaws that are probably way worse and egregious (ahem PRIDE...ahem ego....ie the source of this dilemma in the first place...) so maybe i should just close one eye abt the bad grammar.

i also realised how fked up i am - confirmed my suspicion that i am naturally attracted to emotionally unavailable ppl / ppl that just seem distant / out of reach (thats my avoidant attachment style right there). i think there was one day he didnt text me at all and omg...i couldnt stop thinking what i did wrong...like did i piss him off by being too cold for too long...did he get scared off cos i said i wanted to do a masters (idk this seemed like an irrational leap but i was being irrational)..then i started being nicer to him and replied more promptly hahaha turns out he was just rly bz at work that day. omg this pattern is real i think i did this with xj also - was eager to speak when he was in japan but after meeting irll i was just over it... (i am drawn to distance like a moth to a flame and i am repelled by availability like....a fire by a fire extinguisher (??)). yucks i rly hate myself sometimes but yknow what at least im self aware and im trying to fix this...kind of.. gonna hash this avoidant thing out with my therapist at the next sesh.

on the topic of xj i got a bit nostalgic and wondered why we stopped speaking (surprise surprise it was my fault, didnt reply then felt it had been left to long to pick it up again...) went back to look at our texts and aw we rly got along so well, i do miss him as a friend and im sorry about how poorly i treated him especially in dec 2018 / jan 2019 sigh.....i was a real bitch....

anyway im just gonna see how things go with B... if he asks me out i prob will go... just to give it a shot. update if / when that happens!

EDIT - he asked me out lol we shall see how it goes. 

[bulakartists]

Needy

touch starved | PROMPT

kit pouliot x sunny finch | PAIRING

good mourning, sunny finch | BOOK

fluff | GENRE

y e a r n i n g + wanting to be touched dot com + established relationship + alternate pov but it's third-person so its ok + really went ham on the established relationship part and im so so happy about it idc + absolutely no editing we ride the dawn like men | WARNINGS

SHIT I FOUND OUT/HAVE ESTABLISHED IN MY CHARACTERS FROM WRITING THIS:

kit is ticklish, this is now canon im srry

its alr pretty canon that kit always knows what sunny needs/wants, but now its canon that he's fucking PATIENT to the point that its a n n o y i n g, but if its something like neediness and he wants to tease her, hes just about ready to wait until the next goddamn decade for her to make the next move but its ok, he likes it

the psychopath

Kit was casual in everything he did. He didn't find himself wondering, going back and forth between strict indecisions, if he should do/ask/act/say something. He always just did.

An art form that Sunny is still trying to learn.

And ever since she found herself dating Kit Pouliot, she found the restrictions to be too far and tall in order. And one of that, she found herself realising, is the feeling of needy.

When they were still best friends, it was easy. Every time she wanted to touch him- touch his hair, get hugged, and even cuddle next to him as they watch a film - she'd only move a little bit and Kit would know what to do, almost by physical instinct. A familiar pattern of movement.

But now that they were dating, everything felt hyper-realistic. Zoomed. 100% view to 210%. Sunny fixated on every movement she did, every thought that popped multiplied- and now she just. Couldn't.

But Sunny wanted to be touched. Sunny wanted to be cuddled, kissed, and adored.

It's been a few days since Sunny's neediness has overtaken her. She has become restless, fumbling and side-eyeing her boyfriend. But she kept mum, and Kit was starting to notice. She can feel it. There are lingering stares and question marks in his eyes, but he only prods once, because that's Kit; he can wait for a couple of eras, a patience that knows no bounds. And Sunny made a mistake of shaking her head, immediately reassuring him.

And so Kit didn't bring it up anymore, knowing anything Sunny explicitly needs, she'd say.

She marks today as D-Day.

❦

Kit arrives in his usual affair- it's a pretty spring day and he takes his time walking across the expanse of forest before he reaches the Finch Manor. The leaves are bright and lush, and the sway of them reminds him of that one night he accidentally found a Russian channel where a ballet performance was happening. They swayed in unison, in rustles that peaked the morning sun in between.

Terrence Finch opens the door at his arrival. He's in his usual vest brocade and deadpan face. Charles was the perennially smiley one, but he still raises half a smile in response to Kit's greeting.

"She's in the lake."

That makes Kit blink. Sunny doesn't like voyaging out of the house as much as possible, and whenever she is at home, she has her own set of perimeters of where she likes to roam. The like, being 300 meters south of the house, isn't some place she likes to visit.

"Why?"

Terrence makes a hmm sound. An observation. ". . . so you didn't know. I can't tell you, then. If it's her surprise, she'll kill me." He pats his shoulder softly, once, and passes in between hallways. "Good luck."

"Is that good luck it's something good, or is that good luck a guillotine is waiting for me?" he shouts after the man, but he's already gone, leaving only a trail of chuckles.

Kit pulls out his beanie and starts fixing his hair, but trudges on forward. Always ready to face whatever Sunny has in surprise for him.

❦

Sunny waits in nervous energy for her boyfriend, lying down on the procured- freshly laundered - blanket, her wild hair sprayed around her, and her socked feet out on the grass, tickling her through the fabric.

"So it's a picnic," he says aloud, a good meter away but Sunny will always recognise his voice.

Her heart starts thudding loudly again, but she doesn't raise herself. Instead, she raises her arm and waves it in both acknowledgement and come hither-thou.

She isn't sure if she can hear him walking through the grass or that's just the sound of the forest, but soon, his warmth envelops close. Close but still too far. . . until Kit brings his hand, his fingers, through her hair and she melts. She tilts her head up, chest flooding in warmth, and sees him upside down, with a beautiful smile.

"I love it," he says, bright as always, her Kit.

And it breaks her chest open. It fills it with this sudden rush of love that it makes her gasp. With a silent resolution, Sunny raises herself and stares at him through a glassy-eyed indecision.

Kit doesn't say anything, only tilts his head on one side, waiting. His mouth twitches and Sunny suddenly realises- he knows, the bastard - and with a groan, she crawls to where he is, raising her dress and settling on his lap.

He's warm- Kit is always so warm, a human beaker of warmth - and he's laughing, she can feel the reverberations in her own chest as if it came from her. But she only tightens her hold, her arms looped around his neck, her legs around his hips, and her neck burrowed deep on the crook of his neck, on the skin there, breathing warmth against it and he shifts, giggling, that sweet spot where he's ticklish.

Kit is always ticklish, to almost any part of his body. But even as he complains amidst through laughter, Sunny only tightens her hold until Kit wraps his arms around her.

"Since when have you known?" she asks, her lips moving across his skin. He twitches, but she doesn't let off.

"It tickles," he whines, but Sunny only replies by tightening her hold further. He sighs, but he also tightens his hug, snuggling his head against hers. "I wanted you tell me what you want."

"That's so mean," she mumbles.

"I didn't mean it to be, I'm sorry. I just wanted you to tell me what you wanted."

"Mhmh. . . Okay." Without removing herself from being latched to him, she mumbles, "I'm needy."

Kit chuckles, but he obliges. Of course he does. He unravels her hold on him, just a little bit, to push her so he can see her face, and it makes Kit laugh because she's pouting to the point that her eyes are a little glassy.

Carefully cradling her face, Sunny's eyes closed as Kit kisses the side of her face, her cheeks, her eyes, the crook of her neck, her ears. She squirms at each contact, until Kit whispers for her to open her eyes and there's a gentle smile on his face as he tilts her chin up to kiss her lips, weaving his hands on her waist, rubbing her sides as he brought her close.

Sunny leans in, head in the clouds, no thoughts channeling, just the feel of Kit's lips on hers. He always kisses to sweetly, this time is no different because for the little sharpness, the little tease, where he nibbles on her lower lip, humming when she leans forward to deepen it too.

It's both soft and messy, and when they separate, Kit is grinning languidly why Sunny blushes at the lazy look on his face. She attacks him then, going back to wrapping her arms around his neck and disappearing on the crook of his neck.

Kit laughs, settling back to hugging her like this. The sun is warm, the food is getting cold, but that's okay. The day couldn't be better.

"Are you done being needy or?" he mumbles against her hair.

Sunny bites his neck in retaliation.

[cervclle]

FOR POSTERITY @revcille

[10:16:12 PM] <cervclle> Overwatch was a mistake. [10:16:16 PM] <infrasnipe> Yes. [10:16:17 PM] <revcille> ... [10:16:18 PM] <cervclle> Then again, many things are. [10:16:19 PM] <revcille> It was needed. [10:16:26 PM] <cervclle> So I wouldn't give it that much credit. [10:16:27 PM] <infrasnipe> Was it? Hm. [10:16:29 PM] <revcille> Just... not the way it was. [10:16:35 PM] <doctorscrders> ... a necessary evil if you will. [10:16:43 PM] <revcille> Or just a necessity. [10:16:44 PM] <raindcwn> .. [10:16:47 PM] <cervclle> If it was not needed as it was then it was not needed at all. [10:16:49 PM] <cervclle> Pick one. [10:16:59 PM] <revcille> Maybe I am imposing too much. [10:17:03 PM] <revcille> Let me correct myself. [10:17:05 PM] <raindcwn> Yeah, I'm gonna go get some coffee [10:17:09 PM] <revcille> I wish I hadn't joined it. [10:17:25 PM] <doctorscrders> I was able to save lives. [10:17:28 PM] <doctorscrders> I don't regret that. [10:17:36 PM] <revcille> I'm glad it existed, but my input was probably... overdue. [10:17:42 PM] <doctorscrders> Having my life changed and reputation ruined... I do. [10:17:49 PM] <raindcwn> None of you grew up with Overwatch. [10:18:07 PM] <doctorscrders> I was 17. [10:18:09 PM] <cervclle> I mean, Overwatch is inadvertently responsible for getting me my job so... take that how you will. [10:18:15 PM] <raindcwn> I knew it all my life. [10:18:15 PM] <doctorscrders> Define... grew up. [10:18:23 PM] <revcille> Chloe, we need to talk about your job, by the way. [10:18:34 PM] <cervclle> A discussion for another time, perhaps? [10:18:38 PM] <raindcwn> you weren't RAISED by it, you didn't KNOW them like I knew them, Not even you, Angela. [10:18:38 PM] <revcille> No. [10:18:45 PM] <doctorscrders> True. [10:18:58 PM] <doctorscrders> But, I wouldn't discount my input either. [10:19:03 PM] <raindcwn> I'm [10:19:08 PM] <cervclle> My job is what it is. Not my fault you never figured it out. [10:19:09 PM] <raindcwn> going to go for a walk. [10:19:50 PM] <revcille> Not your fault? [10:20:08 PM] <cervclle> It never came up. [10:20:22 PM] <raindcwn> ((I CAN'T BELIEVE FAREEHA GOT EMO OVER OVERWATCH [10:20:32 PM] <revcille> 'Hey Gerard, good day we are having, by the way, I work for a terrorist organization'. [10:20:45 PM] <revcille> What the /hell/, Chloe. [10:20:50 PM] <cervclle> Well, that would have made the conversation awkward. [10:20:50 PM] <doctorscrders> ((i mean, she has reason to)) [10:20:59 PM] <raindcwn> ((ye [10:21:02 PM] <revcille> Awkward? That is what you care about? [10:21:14 PM] <cervclle> Not particularly. [10:21:16 PM] <revcille> Not the hand you have in the deaths of innocents? [10:21:30 PM] <revcille> ....I am preaching to a brick wall right now. [10:21:36 PM] <cervclle> You're catching on. [10:21:43 PM] <revcille> Thanks. [10:21:47 PM] <doctorscrders> ... sometimes it's not worth the effort. [10:21:54 PM] <revcille> Clearly. [10:21:58 PM] <cervclle> ( CHLOE IS FEELING CALLED OUT ) [10:22:02 PM] <revcille> ( GOO D) [10:22:11 PM] <cervclle> I'm still here, you two. [10:22:12 PM] <doctorscrders> Chloe has her own way of doing things. [10:22:22 PM] <infrasnipe> ( aww its ok chloe. working for a terrorist organization is pretty bad, but on the upside... you look good while doing it, maybe? ) [10:22:22 PM] <revcille> She's a smart woman. [10:22:31 PM] <revcille> But she does very dumb things apparently. [10:22:37 PM] <revcille> ( PLS ) [10:22:56 PM] <doctorscrders> It's not like either of us are going to change that, though.. [10:23:05 PM] <cervclle> ( she'll take that as a consolation ) [10:23:07 PM] <doctorscrders> Give it time. [10:23:07 PM] <infrasnipe> I feel as if I am contractually obligated to defend my employers. [10:23:10 PM] <revcille> That is what you think. [10:23:11 PM] <cervclle> It's like they forgot I'm here. [10:23:25 PM] <revcille> Amelie, you are the last person who should defend them. [10:23:33 PM] <doctorscrders> Nope. That was just as much for you, as it was for us. [10:23:42 PM] <infrasnipe> Do you think so? [10:23:45 PM] <infrasnipe> Hm. [10:23:50 PM] <revcille> ... [10:24:06 PM] <cervclle> Well, you're right. I do things my way. [10:24:11 PM] <revcille> Maybe I should keep my mouth shut for now. [10:24:24 PM] <cervclle> Whether or not Talon signs my paycheque is a minor detail. [10:24:32 PM] <infrasnipe> Sometimes it is best. [10:24:33 PM] <revcille> Or not. [10:24:34 PM] <raindcwn> I'm back [10:24:35 PM] <raindcwn> I'm sorry for that outburst, earlier. [10:24:47 PM] <revcille> Chloe, va chier. [10:24:53 PM] <revcille> Oh, welcome back. [10:25:08 PM] <doctorscrders> Had some time to yourself? [10:25:09 PM] <revcille> ( fareeha: hi im back / gerard: fuck u chloe-- ohey ) [10:25:24 PM] <raindcwn> ((hkhdsfkfdja [10:25:35 PM] <infrasnipe> ( widowmaker: i hate talon ) [10:25:42 PM] <infrasnipe> ( also widowmaker: (cant say that) ) [10:25:51 PM] <cervclle> ( chloe: wow it's a good thing this isn't the widowmaker I helped with—i mean what ) [10:25:53 PM] <revcille> ( :eyes: ) [10:26:01 PM] <cervclle> ( that is always open to plotting ) [10:26:09 PM] <infrasnipe> ( you've piqued my interest ) [10:26:14 PM] <cervclle> ( we'll talk ) [10:26:29 PM] <cervclle> Gerard, I make no apologies. [10:26:51 PM] <revcille> And I shall make none to you. [10:26:51 PM] <cervclle> But I have my autonomy. [10:27:05 PM] <cervclle> There are some things I won't do for Talon. [10:27:17 PM] <revcille> Unless it is for a paycheque. [10:27:19 PM] <infrasnipe> ( widowmaker voice: autonomy, huh... ) [10:27:44 PM] <cervclle> I'm not in it for the money either. [10:27:48 PM] <raindcwn> .... [10:27:54 PM] <cervclle> Though it has its perks. [10:27:58 PM] <raindcwn> Wow this game is a serious danger to my job security [10:28:27 PM] <cervclle> ( I'm gonna keep the game going in the background just because ) [10:28:50 PM] <cervclle> ( unless anyone has major objections ) [10:28:56 PM] <revcille> Not in it for the money-- but you're in it for the money. [10:29:11 PM] <revcille> Or is it because no one would hire a braindead neurologist? [10:29:20 PM] <cervclle> ( please do keep interrogating my muse while I judge my own bad humour ) [10:29:37 PM] <revcille> ( PL S) [10:29:47 PM] <revcille> ( ive never written gerry this salty i ma so sorry ) [10:29:48 PM] <cervclle> ( ALSO WOW GERARD ) [10:30:06 PM] <cervclle> ( NEVER MIND THIS GETS MY FULL ATTENTION ) [10:30:21 PM] <infrasnipe> ( wrow ) [10:30:45 PM] <revcille> ( owo ) [10:30:47 PM] <cervclle> Neurosurgeon but please say how you really feel. [10:31:27 PM] <revcille> Why should I? [10:31:27 PM] <cervclle> Did you not just say you were preaching to a brick wall anyway? [10:31:41 PM] <cervclle> ( you're gonna hurt her feelings and I will be impressed ) [10:31:45 PM] <revcille> Maybe I'm a bit more fed up than I thought I was. [10:32:17 PM] <cervclle> No kidding. [10:32:25 PM] <revcille> Consider this cheesy, but I remember going to your graduation knowing big things were going to happen with you. [10:32:36 PM] <revcille> Bright, talented. Maybe a bit socially inept, but that did not stop you. [10:32:42 PM] <cervclle> Not what you were expecting then? [10:33:06 PM] <revcille> Well, I certainly wasn't expecting you to end up in a terrorist cult. [10:33:13 PM] <revcille> But what do I know. [10:34:14 PM] <cervclle> Not everyone is so idealistic as to think they can change the world. [10:34:45 PM] <doctorscrders> ( THIS IS GOOD SHIT ) [10:34:52 PM] <infrasnipe> ( w r o w ) [10:35:19 PM] <cervclle> But I can do what I'm good at and Talon offers the means. [10:35:30 PM] <revcille> So the money. [10:35:35 PM] <cervclle> The rest of what they do is their business. [10:35:45 PM] <revcille> Just admit that you're shallow, Chloe. [10:35:57 PM] <revcille> No different from the rest of Montreal, right? [10:35:58 PM] <raindcwn> ((OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO [10:36:04 PM] <cervclle> Of course I am. When have I ever implied that I'm not? [10:36:38 PM] <revcille> ...where ever she is, I'm certain your mother is doubly proud of you. [10:36:46 PM] <cervclle> Besides, no one has tried to kill me for my efforts. I consider that something to— [10:36:47 PM] <cervclle> ... [10:36:50 PM] lcvedva has left the game. [10:37:01 PM] <doctorscrders> ( O H F U C K ) [10:37:02 PM] <cervclle> Va chier. [10:37:08 PM] <revcille> Ah, there we go. [10:37:18 PM] <raindcwn> (OH MY GOD [10:37:26 PM] <cervclle> ( literally everyone: time to watch this end poorly ) [10:37:40 PM] <doctorscrders> ( GERARD'S ABOUT TO RE-DIE ) [10:37:45 PM] <cervclle> ( YEP ) [10:37:49 PM] <revcille> ( ger voice: kill me mommy ) [10:38:02 PM] <raindcwn> ((stop rn [10:38:18 PM] <doctorscrders> (( goddamnit gerard )) [10:38:32 PM] <doctorscrders> (( ang voice: i can't look away, someone pass the popcorn )) [10:38:33 PM] <cervclle> You got lucky this time, Gérard. Don't think you'll last very long if someone happens to let slip that you got away. [10:39:07 PM] <revcille> Lucky? How is literally dying lucky? I was simply fortunate to have a good background under my belt. [10:39:22 PM] <revcille> You do too, you know. What you did with it is the equivalent of tossing it into the trash. [10:39:32 PM] <cervclle> Lucky that it wasn't more permanent. [10:39:38 PM] <cervclle> That can be fixed. [10:39:40 PM] <infrasnipe> ( w r o w ) [10:39:54 PM] <revcille> I'd absolutely love to see you fix it. [10:40:13 PM] <revcille> ( chat rn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwEbtGAvs28 ) [10:40:32 PM] <raindcwn> ((YEAH [10:40:58 PM] <cervclle> Don't test me. I wouldn't even need to get my own hands dirty. [10:41:19 PM] <revcille> You'll get someone else's, right? [10:41:35 PM] <revcille> You're a smart girl, but lazy? Who would have considered. [10:41:54 PM] <cervclle> No, I just think it would be more appropriate to let your wife finish what she started. [10:42:28 PM] <revcille> Because it clearly worked out the last time. [10:42:44 PM] <cervclle> Science is full of trial and error. [10:43:04 PM] <cervclle> Mistakes can be corrected. [10:43:22 PM] <infrasnipe> ( amelie watching her colleague have a go at her ex husband ) [10:43:26 PM] <cervclle> ( I was telling Jess and Naomi how my games always end in character death and I did not disappoint ) [10:43:46 PM] <revcille> Then correct yourself and see if you feel the same way. [10:43:47 PM] <revcille> ( fcK ) [10:44:09 PM] <cervclle> How mature of you. [10:44:41 PM] <raindcwn> (remember when ana wanted widow to kill her, lee) [10:44:41 PM] <revcille> Chloe. [10:44:46 PM] <revcille> ( GOD ) [10:44:49 PM] <revcille> ( NEVER FORGET ) [10:44:53 PM] <cervclle> ( those were the days ) [10:45:44 PM] <cervclle> It's cute how you haven't changed. [10:46:11 PM] <revcille> I wish that were the truth. [10:46:40 PM] <revcille> I can never forgive myself for what happened with Amelie. But you? You're just not worth the extra concern. [10:47:24 PM] <cervclle> And yet we're having this conversation. [10:47:48 PM] <cervclle> The irony is that even I can tell that you care or we wouldn't be. [10:48:11 PM] <revcille> If I care, then I certainly don't care enough. [10:48:19 PM] <revcille> That is how these things work. [10:48:50 PM] <cervclle> Suit yourself. [10:49:46 PM] <infrasnipe> ( 🍿 ) [10:49:49 PM] <cervclle> ( is it just me who is also finding it funny that our urls look so similar ) [10:49:56 PM] <revcille> ( ITS FUCKING ME UP ) [10:50:08 PM] <cervclle> ( WE ACCIDENTALLY MATCH AND WE NEVER INTENDED TO ) [10:51:23 PM] <revcille> ( AND IMMA HOP OFF BC #DRAMATICEXIT AND PLUS I SHOULD ,, DO REPLIES AKA THINK ABOUT DOING THEM AND STARE AT MY DASH ) [10:51:41 PM] revcille has left the game. [10:51:42 PM] <raindcwn> ((same tho [10:51:46 PM] <raindcwn> (big mood [10:51:55 PM] <cervclle> ( I approve... anyway, thanks for the live audience! ) [10:52:08 PM] <raindcwn> ((i love how we all became emo at Some Point [10:52:19 PM] <raindcwn> ((What's with CAH doing that to our muses [10:52:47 PM] <cervclle> ( the humour is dark... like they are ) [10:52:53 PM] <infrasnipe> ( wrow ) [10:53:11 PM] <raindcwn> ((so i guess this is iT [10:53:13 PM] infrasnipe has left the game. 

[sevi007]

I just wanted to write something for protective!Yondu and it… uh… got out of hand.

I regret nothing.

Watch out! It's not really fluffy or nice or anything. It's  as fluffy as the life of a Ravager can get, I suppose.

TRIGGER WARNING! -  Blood, death, slightly gore (?), child getting hurt. Nothing explicit, though

______________________________________________________________

Yondu isn’t sure how long it has been since he had lost all reason, but when he comes back, it’s like waking up from a dream he cannot quite remember. Like submerging from a sea of blood he had dived into all too willingly.  

He is standing amidst a field of corpse when he becomes aware of his surroundings again, red fog over his eyes lifting slowly, and the Yaka arrow is circling him lazily, searching for more prey. There is blood on his clothes, and he is faintly aware that it is not his own, but he doesn’t really care.

A groan resounded from his left, and when he glances over, he sees his crew – his men – getting up from the ground, patting themselves off. They have no more than a few scratches.

Of course not. They had not been his targets. If they had been, they would be just as dead as all the others.

“Capt’n?”

It’s Kraglin who speaks, and it is the first time the young Xandarian looks at him like this – confused, a little bit shocked perhaps, insecure. As if he isn’t sure if that’s really Yondu standing before him.

Yondu can’t blame him. He can’t remember what exactly has happened, but the mangled corpses speak for themselves.

The question is… Why is he here again?  

 Memories come back slowly, dripping in much like the blood is dripping from his clothes. They had been drinking… a job gone right, a party had been about to start… only to be interrupted when there had been screams and yells and…

“Yondu! HELP!”

… there had been others, before, during the party, he remembered, not his men, but mercenaries, drinking next to them, talking to a few of the Ravagers… and one of them had handed him a paper, a Wanted poster, pointing at something – someone – sitting next to Yondu…

He had laughed and thrown the crumpled-up paper into the ugly guy’s face, snarling at him.

 “Ya think I give away a good little thief? Fuck off, jackass.”

The mercenary hadn’t liked that, had he. There had been weapons, and threats, and just when Yondu had made to stand up and get rid of them all – “Go hide, boy, go,” – one of those a-holes had sneaked up from behind him and taken what was his…

“HELP ME!”

And… and he had… he had not been looking out for… for just a second, he had taken his eyes off…

 The boy.

Peter.

The final piece clicks into place in Yondu’s confused mind, and he whirls around, searching for what had to be there.

And there he is, sitting in the middle of the dirty road, right next to a puddle of blood. Peter is staring up at him, eyes wide and full of unshed tears. There is a streak of dirt and dried blood along the boy’s cheek, a bruise blossoming around his left eye, and there – a gnash, a bloody red line across his face where the whip has hit him.

 The whip.

“YONDU!”

“Will ye shut it, ye little brat!”

“LEMME GO! YONDU!”

CRACK!

The whip that had been meant to shut Peter up.

Yondu completely lost it when he had seen the whip cracking down, hitting Peter in the face.

 …Whips crack around them whenever they take a wobbly step forward, Crack-Crack it goes when Yondu dares to step out of line, Crack-Crack, back to his sleeping place he is herded, Crack-Crack, down onto his back and face the hits rain until the young Centaurian screams and yells because he hasn’t done anything wrong, he is just a slave, and that’s enough to get punished to near-death…

“…Yondu?”

The voice is tiny and breaking, nothing like the yells and laughter and screams from his memories, and Yondu blinks, disoriented, until his gaze focuses on Peter again.

Who is still staring at him like a fearful little animal.

Boy has just seen him go on a rampage, whistling and growling his way through the ranks of mercenaries – not slavers – arrow cutting left and right and blaster firing until nothing was moving anymore.

It’s the first time Peter has seen him kill, has seen him lose control like that, too, and it wouldn’t surprise him if the boy was terrified to death because of him.

“Holy fuckin’ shit,” says someone – Tullk – beside him, but Yondu pays him no mind. He takes a careful step in Peter’s direction.

.. and it has to be a good sign that the boy isn’t backing away from him, right?

Yondu lowers himself to his knees, careful not to move too hasty, until he is on eye level with Peter.

Down here, the wound looks even worse, red and deep.

“Peter?” He is whispering without thinking about it, hoping that the boy won’t bolt away from him like he is a monster.

Well, I am, ain’t I?

“Yondu, I didn’t cry.”

That is not what he expected to hear, and he blinks, tilting his head towards the boy – the boy who still doesn’t look scared, but looks at him with something akin to interest and hope.

“… What do ya mean, Quill?”

“I didn’t cry,” Peter says, insistently, and his gaze searches Yondu’s face as if this is the most important thing and he needs to gauge the Ravager’s reaction to it. “They hit me and yelled at me, but I didn’t cry. And I bit one of them!”

Boy says it with so much pride and that determined gleam in his eyes – the one Yondu sometimes sees in the mirror – that it manages to pull a crooked smile from him, tension seeping out from him. “Ya did, huh? Let ‘em feel your teeth back there.”

Peter beams at him, even though the motion must be stretching the wound. “Uh-huh!”

And that’s when Yondu understands, flabbergasted and unbelieving as he may be, that Peter is not afraid of him.

That child has just seen him massacre a troop of mercenaries and looks at him as if he is… his world.

This little Terran trusts me.

It’s a heady, a weird thought. He is not used to it, but… he doesn’t mind it. Not at all.

 Yondu smiles wider, feeling an almost hysterical chuckle rise in his throat. He swallows it down, instead reaching for Peter. “C’me ‘ere.”

Peter follows willingly, letting himself be lifted up from the ground and onto Yondu’s arms as the Ravager stands.

Kraglin is there at his side in an instant, offering something to the child. “I got yer Walkman, Pete. It fell down in the whole… ye know.”

Peter’s eyes go wide and he cheers loudly as he reaches for the device. Yondu half expects him to put the earphones on and turn the music on to seal the world out – to forget – but Peter doesn’t, lets the headphones dangle around his neck and instead looks towards the other Ravagers who dare to come closer again, now that their Captain seems to have calmed down.

Tullk is the next one to reach them, already inspecting the damage.

“’S a mighty nasty cut there, Quill,” the man rumbles as he inspects the cut over Peter’s face, cradling the child’s face between his giant palms as if it’s a fragile and precious thing. “Ain’t no promise that it will heal for good.”

The thought doesn’t seem to scare Peter. Quite the opposite, his eyes are bright and interested when he is released again, his first eager question being, “Will I get a cool scar from it, like Yondu or Kraglin?”

“Bahaha!” Throwing his head back in laughter, Tullk bellows over his shoulder, “Hear that, guys? Quill ‘ere wants a cool scar!”

“Ain’t gonna be no help with the ladies, Quill, if that what ye lookin’ for. Ask Kraglin. No help at all.”

“Oh, fuck off, Oblo,” Kraglin gives back nonchalantly, not really angry.  

“Ahaha!”

Yondu makes no move to intercept the cheerful discussion over wounds and scars and women. Instead he keeps his gaze fixed on the wall on the opposite of the street, letting his breath even out.

He is here, right now, free and unbound. No whips, no slavers…

Ain’t the same as back then. Calm down.  

The little weight nestling against his chest, head resting against his collarbone, is what pulls him back from the past.

Peter is getting heavier in his grip, the boy’s eyelids dropping as he snuggles closer to Yondu’s chest.

It shouldn’t twist his cold old heart so much, the way in which Peter just assumes that he is save here, with him, with Yondu who could kill him in more ways than he can count and faster than he could look.

Silly, soft, trusting boy.

  “Little Terran is getting sleepy over there,” someone comments. “Had an excitin’ day, aye?”

“Capt’n, should we take ‘im?”

“’e’s lookin’ plenty cozy there, though.”

“Hey Pete, you wanna stay with Capt’n?” It’s Oblo who says it, flashing a quick grin when Yondu glares at him.

“Mmmmh,” Peter mumbles, eyes falling closed completely as he all but clings to Yondu’s coat, slumping against the Centaurian with a content sigh even while chuckles resound around them.

And it’s then and there that Yondu realizes that he can’t kill this boy. He would never be able to give the final whistle. His traitorous, twisting heart would not be behind it.

It should be a terrifying thought, being so powerless because of a child, but he finds that he doesn’t mind nearly as much as he should.

He only hears the muttered comment because the others had stopped their friendly bickering right then, leaving the sharp words float audibly through the air.

“Boy is bein’ way too much trouble for simple cargo.”

The red fog that has already started to lift because Peter was here, he was save – it all comes rushing back, roaring in his ears, calling for blood.

The rest of the crew stiffens as Yondu goes very, very still.

Horuz realizes his mistake in the exact same moment, eyes going wide as Yondu turns towards him – and whistles.

The Yaka stops in his lazy circles (which now had been closer to Peter’s head, a silent protection) and dives for Horuz. The man can’t even scream before the arrow tip is right up to him, only a hair’s breath away from his left eye.

He doesn’t even dare to blink, let alone breathe.

“Cargo?” Yondu is growling, eyes flashing as bright as his arrow.

Peter’s calm, even breath puffs against his neck, reminding him not to raise his voice, else he would wake the child up again.

But he didn’t need to raise his voice. Not for this.

“Cargo, ya say?”

“Capt’n…!”

And there it is, the fear, the knowledge that one breath of air, one whistle would be enough to end his life. Yondu can see it dawning behind Horuz’ eyes, and he pauses for a moment to take it in.

Then he whistles.

And bars his teeth in an unsettling grin as the arrow backs off and Horuz almost slumps to his knees in relief, pale and shivering.

“Now listen up, y’all,” Yondu still doesn’t need to raise his voice. Nobody dares to make a peep as he speaks. “He ain’t cargo.”

He remembers the glint in Peter’s eyes, the boy yelling and trashing, refusing to succumb to fear. Remembers teeth digging into tormentor’s hands and arms.

Remembers defiance and rage and single-mindedness.

Remembers that he has been given a second chance with this child of Ego.

Salvation.

He also remembers the way Peter had called out for him, the way blue eyes had lit up at the sight of him.

Trust.

“Peter Quill is crew.”

And when Kraglin smiles and some of the others nod, and Peter mumbles something in his sleep, cuddling closer to the source of warmth that is Yondu, he knows that this is his final decision on this matter.

Peter Quill is crew, and nobody will ever lay a finger on him.

[undeademoprincess]

82 Truths

rules: once you’ve been tagged you’re supposed to write a post with eighty-two truths and then tag twenty-five people.

tagged by @hoseokjinns bruh this has been sitting in my drafts for how many eons????

name: Dawn blood type: b nickname(s): Celeste (cousins mainly) and then anything else is adding an e or i sound to the end of my name (tho i have noticed dawners is a frequent name) r/s: dead inside zodiac sign: libruh pronouns: she\her favorite tv shows: dude, i havent seen any tv shows since i was 8, that was well over a decade ago. i collect the dvd/blurays of tv shows but not often. my mother and i are really into futurama but other than that its usually animes that i collect long or short hair: literally lopped my hair off myself like 3 days ago height: 5′5″ do you have a crush on someone: if fictional characters count then yes, the husband list keeps growing and i need another closet to shove them in but real life im fighting a “battle” what do you like about yourself: i have yet to be called annoying or that im an ass to those i love and i support them with all i can, so ive got that going for me right or left handed: right, tho i am ambidextrous over weird ass shit. like gymnastics im left dominate in??? idfk either man list of three favourite colors: literally any color associated with fall/autumn and ill be a happy camper

right now: eating: just ate a cracker that had peanut butter on it cause im munchin hard drinking: sweet h2o man i’m about to: probably go to bed or i might work on my drafts for my writing blog, havent decided yet listening to: a mix about cats, love, breakfast and being tired by in love with a ghost (on youtube) kids: hell no, unless i know i can support the damn thing with all i can while living comfortably along with someone i KNOW wont leave both me and the kid and help me then maybe, but its still a really strong no. pets are fam tho, so technically i have like 5 kids already get married: down for that, annoying someone all the time as a “job” sounds fun, especially if we get late night adventures and do weird ass cooking class shit for fun. ITS IN THE CONTRACT YA KNOW career: i really want to travel the world and get paid to do so, but at my own pace

most recent: drink: water????? idk what you want from me man im a thirsty hoe for livin phone call: been on discord all day today with 2 of my best friends and listening to music with my bot the other half on it song you listened to: lauv reforget (literally just came on) 

have you ever: dated someone twice: no been cheated on: nope, and im not the type to let them get away with it if they ever did kissed someone and regretted it: no lost someone special: yes been depressed: yes, began at a very young age due to the death of my father. literally had a midlife crisis when i was 4 cause of his death been drunk and thrown up: hell no kissed a stranger: no had glasses or contacts: glasses had sex on the first date: no, not really my thing broken someone’s heart: i think so, never really ask how they felt about it afterwards turned someone down: yuuuup cried when someone died: yes fallen for a friend: mmmmm, not really??? i usually crush on an acquaintance and my friends drag them in and somehow become friends later??? 

in the last year have you: made a new friend: uuuuuh, maybe 3??? i dont like leaving my house nor do i like wasting my time on strangers, especially if theyre rude fallen out of love: yeah laughed until you cried: many times, MANY FUCKING TIMES met someone who changed you: uh, i think so??? idk, i kinda find my own flow in life and people either respect it and enjoy the ride with me or fight it, and i dont have the energy to deal with pointless shit found out who your true friends were: ooooh yeah found out someone was talking about you: humans talk, its natural. i dont really do anything but i can see why someone WOULD talk shit if thats what this is asking about kissed someone on your fb list: ew no

which is better: lips or eyes: eyes hugs or kisses: hugs, i like being warm shorter or taller: both have pros and cons romantic or spontaneous: both? both sensitive or loud: idk what the fuck this is asking about but if its about being around people who are loud or sensitive then neither, im sensitive to headaches so loud people irritate me and trigger the pain and ive had bad experiences in person with sensitive people where they dont leave me alone and wind up stalking me???? i love being alone so neither hookup or relationship: relationship troublemaker or hesitant: one can be kinda fun but also a pain in the ass if they get you into trouble a lot and the other might not be as constantly fun per say but at least you shouldnt be in trouble as often 

first: best friend: Samantha surgery: thankfully nothing yet sport i joined: badminton  vacation: everything my parents did was while i was literally an infant soooooo yeah, greaaaaat memories

do you believe in: yourself: not all the time, but i rely on myself more than anyone else. i dont trust anyone for shit when i know damn well i can do it myself and know that if something goes wrong i myself fucked it up and can probably fix my mistake miracles: yes and no, i believe theres a reason for things to happen the way they do, and there are times i see it as miracles love at first sight: i believe in attraction at first sight, not immediately seeing someone soul or some shit heaven: im more for reincarnation and spiritual aspects in life and death

extras: how many people from your fb list do you know irl: 90% of them do you have any pets: im not counting my outside pets because there are too many to even keep track of to count so my children are 5 cats, toto my conure, oz my dog, tubby my gecko, and a beta fish and a catfish do you want to change your name: if i ever did, which i dont want to do, it’d be either Celeste or Aurora (my mom actually debated on calling me aurora after like the disney princess if you will and funny enough shes always been my favorite princess) what did you do for your last birthday: 2 of my friends kidnapped me and took me to dinner and we drove around and looked at interesting things. this years its during ren faire and im so damn happy what time did you wake up today: 9 pm. im sick atm and its really fucking up my sleep schedule  what were you doing last night at midnight: just got out of a call with one of my best friends and sat on my own server for a bit chillin with my music bot before my other best friend joined my after like SIX HOURS, DAMN YOU SIMON something you can’t wait for: ren faire, getting married cause then i get to sweater slap someone and get away with it, and being comfortably happy in life last time you saw your mom: a few hours ago? i went to the kitchen to get my cat to love on her and saw her then what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i had more determination to see things through and not be scared to take the leaps to see it through have you ever talked to a person named tom: i worked in retail, so probably what’s getting on your nerves: a lot of things, mainly petty things. kinda wanna cut a toxic person out of my life but we all know thats easier said than done especially seeing how he talks to literally all of the people i talk with on a daily basis save one soul and he treated her like shit when he talked to her sooo yeah, dunno wtf is his problem but im tired of being the object of his frustration and anger, idk how the rest of my friends deal with his shit but im just so damn DONE

man im not taggin 25 people. if youd like to tag me as a “i found it from so and so” then go for it man, let youre dreams run free friend. im just a lazy sack of shit and am tired and im amazed im still up and that its TAKEN ME A MILLION DAMN YEARS TO DO THIS IM SO SORRY LEANNE

[booksbroadwaybbc]

I know I have the potential to be great, and I choose the path of the weak every time. via /r/selfimprovement

I know I have the potential to be great, and I choose the path of the weak every time.

Im so shitty. I dont even know why im writing this. Honestly I see other people post and I wonder if this actually helps. I'm at a point where If there's even a chance it could help, I should try it. Im 29, skinny black guy. I literally weigh about 130 lbs. Live with a roommate and brother. Other brother moving here in bout a week. Im older than all of them. Somehow I've got to this point in my life dropping out of every school endeavor i ever embarked on. Dropped out of High School, got my GED got into college then dropped out of that. Was too busy smoking weed, playing fighting games...just being a fool. Never been in a serious relationship at any point in my life. My love-life is non-existent. My only working background is in grocery stores and call center. I legitimately want to just stop everything. If I have to take calls for another few months that really might be it for me. I'm at the complete end of my lane. Im not here to discuss where my thoughts have gone, but I know for certain I cant keep doing this type of work for the rest of my life...I don't think I'll last to the middle of 2019 before I quit and look for another job. Speaking of that, my last 5 years of work history is just me bouncing between jobs. I got a job at software company doing customer support, but i threw that away too. They wanted to send me to Ireland, a real chance to start over and for some reason i threw it away. I just feel inadequate as hell in comparison to my brothers (one who has graduated college, the other who is going to Lincoln Tech now). I don't have problems talking to women casually, but I dont have it in me to discuss anything romantic with a woman. I wouldn't date me. If I was a woman I wouldn't even talk to me lol, let alone date me. I see my laziness, my apathy, my lack of empathy toward other people, and I know it's' shitty. I hate it, I hate myself and I absolutely must improve. I know that I can, when I actually put my mind to something I excel.

But you know what I hate more than anything? People who look for sympathy, people who want others to feel bad for them, and worst of all people who don't fucking work. So as I make this post, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. If anything insult me, because well thats what I deserve and probably what I would do to someone else.

So since im literally at the end of my fucking rope, I've been trying to rewrite my life as hard as possible. Dedicating literally every minute of every day to improvement. Literally every --single---minute of every ---single--- day. As i write this now im at work, im doing quite a few things inbetween calls, and decided to visit this reddit because I made this account and subscribed to it a few weeks ago.

I probably sound like an idiot going into detail on this, but as embarrassing as it is I will. I made a plan for myself for the next 5 years. The plan includes my goals and ways to achieve them day by day. It also includes checkpoints every so often for me to check In and make sure im actually focusing on my goals. I need these checkpoints because in the past when I tried to do things like this I would lose focus eventually and fall into loads of weed use and alcohol abuse. My goals are listed below in no particular order:

Improve my overall Health - this multi-part goal. It includes both physical and mental health. I weigh 130 lbs pretty much on the dot. I'm not sure what my ideal weight would be (I don't know how I'd look at lets say 170 lbs for me to call that my ideal weight), but the first milestone is 150lbs. I want to hit this in 6 months, or atleast check in at that time. In terms of how I plan to do that, I've detailed a complete workout regime for me. Of course, I could go into detail on that, but the most important step, more important than working out is just eating more. The hardest part of course is always sticking to the regime, but atleast i've wrote down what I need to do. I don't know why but for some reason I just have trouble getting myself to eat. Even when i'm hungry, i'll smoke or go for a walk or go to sleep or just game - I'll do anything but eat. As of today, I'm changing that. For my mental health, I plan to read recreationally more especially when on public transit which Im on for about 2 hours a day. Why reading? I need to stay away from my phone. I spend so much time on discord, losing myself in non-stop content online through youtube or twitch or whatever. I need to get back in touch with me, and not be scared to be in my own thoughts. As a kid i use to read a lot, I was a creative kid. I think somewhere in the weed use I lost that, I want it back. After doing some research I've also started journalling. I Journal twice a day, once in the morning once at night. I try to spend 30 minutes a day total (15 minutes per night/day) writing down my thoughts from the previous day and goals for that day in the morning, and what I actually accomplished and thoughts for the day that night. After reading what I've wrote for just a few days, turns out I'm actually a very bitter person. Maybe not bitter, but definitely angry and intense. I'm also trying to meditate, but Im not really good at this. What I do is just sit down in my room, light a candle, make some tea, close my eyes and think for 10 or so minutes. Any thought that comes in I try to analyze where it came from and if it's a negative thought or stemming from a negative. Im not good at this yet honestly. Its important to know these things aren't something I want to add in only for a limited time. I think I need to do this for the rest of my life, otherwise I spiral fast. My mom has suggested therapy but, I completely refuse. If I can't fix myself I won't get fixed. I'm not scared to ask for help, but therapy is out of the question until I've done absolutely everything I can to fix myself.

Develop a Skill. Particularly I want to program. I've taught myself abit of HTML, CSS, and Javascript. Honestly I'm a complete beginner, but I've dabbled abit. I've made steps to already begin teaching myself in my routine. I've been using codeacademy pro for about a month now and I'm working on deploying my own site (my first project will just be my resume on a responsive one page site, got the idea from a friend). This comes from, I have to develop some type of skill in order to move out of Customer Service. I don't know what else to even do, though IT support comes to mind but I don't want to support anymore I want to create and develop. I'm not trying to avoid work, I just want to avoid working with the general public, and I want to avoid my job being to educate others or fix mistakes they've made. Even though I think that still happens in development, I atleast want a career that pushes me mentally and forces me to improve my skillset in order to stay relevant. Most importantly, I want a job I can be proud of. A job that I myself can be proud of. Even though Customer Service/Call Centers are important for alot of companies, I cannot stand this line of work. It is so mind numbingly tedious and repetitive, and I feel like I am wasting my life and my potential handling these minor inquiries when I know I can use my mind to accomplish and work on something much greater. I don't care how arrogant or fucked up it sounds. It's not that I think i'm better than anyone, I just KNOW that i can achieve more than this. I know that im here because of how shitty of a human i've been. I'm tired of it, I have to change it.

Learn another language. The only other language I've had real interest in is Japanese. Honestly I've been at odds even with myself on this for a long time. Is it bad that I enjoy that type of culture? I'm not trying to be a "weeb" or just say it to sound cool. I've spent time learning to recognize some hiragana/katakana just on my own in the past. I don't think it's a perfect culture or anything, but its the only one that legitimate has always interested me for as long as I can remember. So i've decided to pursue it and fuck it, if I look stupid or like a weeb or whatever I guess I just have to accept that. Again I have my own routine I've detailed for myself for learning, and I have a few people I can actually practice with. I somehow got a friend of mine a job in Japan as a english teacher...but I havent done anything myself to move toward that and I know god damn well I could.

I want to become better at interacting with people. Last few months I've lost myself in just complete self indulgence. I won't go super into detail, but I think we all know what this means. Drug use, alcohol use, long nights on the internet avoiding sleep exploring the most degenerate shit man. The worst is after nights like that you can't look people in the eye, or have normal conversations. It just eats at you knowing youre not only wasting time but spending it on something so shitty and useless. Putting time off with family/friends to stay at home and waste time, I won't do shit like this anymore. When you fall into a rut like this, or whatever it is, all your relationships around you start to crumble. Then I wonder why I havent been in a relationship, lol. Well im done and hopefully by writing this It gives me strength to not fall back into that dark place and keep me on the right path. I will show I can support my family and I can receive their support as well. It will take time to repair these relationships, but If i dont start now I feel like they really will crumble forever.

This is basically my current mental state. I don't know if this even fits this subreddit but I hope it does and if not feel free to inform me. The purpose of this is to show that, I am on the path to self improvement, its all I care about right now. Being better than I've been in the past month. Better than I was yesterday, because if I dont change my life now I'm legitimately scared what I will do or where I will be 5 years from now. If you actually read all this, thanks. If you have any thoughts, please let me know. If I sound stupid, let me know. If I sound like all im doing is crying and complaining, please inform me. You have any videos I can watch on improvement, including mentalities/mindsets/meditation please let me know. Im open to anything. It took me about 2 hours to write this in between calls. As I hit post I'm going back to coding and planning on working on my first project immediately tonight. Guess i'm saying this more for myself than anyone.

Thanks for reading.

-Just

Submitted November 10, 2018 at 11:22PM by StoicJust via reddit https://ift.tt/2z213YJ