#I know it's not a very serious allergy or anything. but it does kinda suck when dust is just EVERYWHERE lol

[running-in-the-dark]

my dust allergy has gotten a lot better thanks to immunotherapy, but sometimes I'm reminded just how annoying it used to be and damn, it really sucks lol

I just rearranged our board game shelf (it's a 2x4 KALLAX shelf, so not huge or anything) - it took maybe 15 minutes tops. we haven't played any of the games in a while so there was a looot of dust.

and yeah my arms and face are itching so badly now 🙃 but at least I haven't sneezed once yet! and my nose and eyes feel fine! so overall it's not too bad.

[forgotten-daydreamer]

Haikyuu sick/hurt characters headcanons: Karasuno edition!

⚠️ sickness, injuries, phobias, allergies and correlated symptoms ahead. If these themes upset you, proceed with caution. If you use these, credit me, please. ⚠️

Sawamura Daichi:

He doesn't let anyone know when he's sick. He'll show up to practise with a fever of 39°C and say that he's fine if someone points out how warm he is ("It's just overextertion. If you're not warm, it means you haven't been exercising well!")

He doesn't actually believe that he's fine, he knows his limits, but he just doesn't want to alarm anyone.

Luckily, he always manages to hold on until he reaches the bathroom if he's feeling pukey.

When he does get sick, he's very quiet and discreet. He always tries to go back to what he was doing before, insisting that he's okay.

When he's sick or hurt, the other third-years can see through his "I'm okay!" act (remember that time he hit his head and insisted that he was fine to play?), and know how miserable he really feels, so they force him to take it easyー he's no match for Suga, who will use mild violence if that's what it takes to make Daichi give up and rest.

Sugawara Kōshi:

He's anemic, cue to his constantly cold hands (and feet). Because of this, he takes iron pillsー or he should, because he forgets more often than not.

When he forgets the pills, he gets dizzy and weak, and needs to sit down for a bit. Once, he passed out due to anemia during practise, and he doesn't want to repeat that ever again, so he's extra cautious.

It's easy to understand when he's feverish, because he gets unexpectedly sleepy and quiet. He will fall asleep in class without even realising it if his temperature's any higher than 37,5°C.

He rarely gets hurt, but when that happens nobody's sure if he's okay or not. It's not that he denies it, but he simply doesn't say anything ("why didn't you say anything sooner!?" "B-because you didn't ask..?")

Once, he twisted his ankle and walked on it for a little less than thirty minutes before actually asking the coach if he could go get himself some ice. Of course, they didn't send him to get the icepack, but he had to sit there and listen as Coach Ukai yelled at him for not speaking up sooner.

Azumane Asahi:

He gets anxiety-induced stomach aches very often, and that's why he's used to feeling dizzy and to puking. Vomit doesn't scare him anymore.

Whenever he's sick, he runs away from the others; he needs to flee, far away. He loves his teammates, but he's scared that they'll accidentally overwhelm him further, and he doesn't want them to feel guilty.

This man can't stand the sight of blood. Like, at all, not even a little. Not even in movies. When Shimizu got a shallow paper cut, the Coach actually had to physically support him when getting him seated on a bench.

He broke his left index finger when he was a first-year, and as soon as he saw the bone sticking out of the skin (it looked worse than what it really was) he fell backwards and on a very concerned Sugawara without a word.

Cue to lots of tears and puke on the way to the hospital. He was inconsolable, but when Daichi had the idea to hide the injury from his eyes, Asahi managed to calm down a bit. In every situation, it's not the injury that scares him, but the blood.

Nishinoya Yuu:

He's reckless, he won't even notice when he gets injured. Since he's so used to bruises, bumps and shallow cuts, he doesn't understand when he's actually injured.

This guy played a whole set with a sprained wrist before realising that "hey, this feels kinda weird..?" and he didn't tell anyone until the end of the game, when his wrist was visibly swollen.

High pain tolerance plays a major role when he's injured or sick. Still, the others wish he would have a more average pain tolerance, because, once, Nishinoya felt sick during math class, and still claimed he was fine. He thought he was.

When he was rushed to the hospital due to a "mild ache in his lower stomach" that had been going on for two days after the math class incident, along with a 38,7°C fever, he was told that he had appendicitis ("I thought I just ate something bad or that I needed to take a huge dump! How was I supposed to know!? I thought I was fine."). It was clear that he wasn't, in fact, fine.

Tanaka Ryuunosuke:

He will try to toughen everything out and ignore the pain until it gets unbearable. Be it an injury or some sickness, he will automatically ignore it if he doesn't think it's serious enough to be life-threatening.

That's why he almost died when he ate one of the peanut butter cookies that Yachi had baked. Turns out, allergies do existー but he wished he'd found out in a different way. Sometimes, "My throat's kinda itchy. Does my tongue look... too big? It... it feels too big." can be synonym of "Hospital, now." Bless Takeda-sensei.

The time when he collided with Daichi, Tanaka completely ignored the fact that his arm hurt, and only realised when he took his shirt off in the locker-room and heard a screech from Yamaguchi. The bruise went from his shoulder to his elbow, blue and swollen. Cue to lots of pain relief cream and ice packs.

Ennoshita Chikara:

He never broke a bone in his whole life, but he's very good at dealing with it when it happens to someone else. He's just fascinated by how the human body works, and sometimes people think he's being cold in front of someone else's pain, when he's really just being logical.

He's good at dealing with his own pain too, though he rarely gets hurt or sick.

When he gets sick, he recovers pretty rapidly, but this leads him into relapse. That's why he's not allowed back to practise for a whole week after he recovers ("I'm fine. I've been fine for three days already, my fever wasn't even that high..." "Last time you said you were fine, you almost got pneumonia. Go home.").

He gets bad allergies during spring, and takes a lot of antihistamine pills which make him sleepy. He often has to excuse himself from class to go take a nap in the infirmaryー the teachers and the nurse know, so they always allow him to.

Narita Kazuhito:

This man is the embodiment of health. His diet and lifestyle will probably allow him to live until past the age of 100.

That's why he's not used to getting sick. And when he does, he's a confused mess with no idea of what to do with himself.

When he puked on himself after practise he was so shocked that he chuckled nervously and stood still, frozen, until Kinoshita and Ennoshita dragged him to the bathroom. He almost found the whole ordeal funny.

Kinoshita Hisashi:

He really despises vegetables and fruit, and often gets mocked because of it. He often stuffs himself with sweets and fried food until he feels sick ("But... how? That cake had strawberries in it! It's supposed to be healthy!").

He gets very bad seasickness. Once, his friends decided to drag him to Miyajima: he spent the time on the ferry and first hour on the island puking his guts out.

The thing he doesn't do good with is fainting: if someone passes out in front of him, he does the same, always. When Daichi passed out in the middle of the court, Kinoshita was thankful that Narita was there to hold him up, because he was ready to leave the land of the living.

Kageyama Tobio:

Always denies everything ("my nose is not bleeding!!") and this only makes everything worse for him. If he feels shaky, he won't take a clue and sit down; instead, he'll push himself and end up falling down on whoever's closest to him ("Daichi-san, nice receive!" "Now's really not the time, Hinata...").

When he gets sick, he gets sick hard. The flu has him puking all day long, with a fever of 39.5°C that, he insists, is not that high. His family and friends are smart enough to understand that he's lying. Not even the doctors and nurses at the E.R. can convince him that he's sick.

To be fair, he does not lie when he says that he's not hurt or sick: he genuinely thinks that whatever's going on with him is normal and not that bad.

He accidentally tripped on the leg of a desk in class, and fell face first into the teachers'. The deep, bleeding cut on his forehead wasn't enough for him to understand that he needed to go to the infirmary, and he just sat back at his desk, apologising for the mess. Turns out that his "little cut" needed six stitches in the end, and that his "mild headache" was, in fact, a mild concussion. He showed up to practise the following day anyway, and the Coach had to physically prevent him from joining.

He doesn't do good with nausea, though; he doesn't mind fevers, joint-pains, blood, bruises, or the act of throwing up itself. But when he feels nauseous he actively wishes to pass out, because anything is better than dealing with feeling like that. That's why he'd rather stick his fingers down his throat to get rid of the nausea already than waiting for it to pass naturally.

This got worse when he started suffering from migraines. As soon as he feels one starting to build behind his eye, he throws himself over the toilet, waiting for the dreaded nausea to come so that he can get rid of it before it gets too bad. He stays like that for hours if that's what it takes.

Hinata Shōyō:

He pukes a lot, and for a number of reasons: nervousness, motion sickness, fear, hungerー this guy can't even take it to the bathroom.

His guts are a mess, and he either vomits or poops every time he feels any strong emotion (which is...pretty often, for him). Thank goodness his friends always have pills that help with motion sickness with them, along with antiacid pills and sparkling water, and that Kiyoko and Yachi often restock the bus and everyone's backpacks with paper bags.

The higher the fever, the more he moves. Ever since he was a kid, a fever has never stopped him, and to be fair, fevers make him feel more motivated and energetic. He takes "Hey, no. Sit down, drink up, and rest." as an insult because "I'm fine. You're benching me because you think I suck, huh!? But I was doing fine! I- I was being good, right..?"

Yes, fevers make him emotional. He'll cry for anything once they make him admit that he's sick. He mostly cries because "How could I get sick? I'm going to be useless! I should've paid more attention, I should've been better!" but Kageyama knows for sure that he saw a feverish Hinata crying over a picture of his sister, for some reason.

He doesn't mind blood when he's the one to be bleeding, but if it's someone else, he freaks out. Seeing someone else having a bloody nose or bleeding from some injury, even small and insignificant, makes his stomach flip.

Tsukishima Kei:

He's never said "I'm in pain." in his whole life. The most honest statement he managed to grit out was "It kinda hurts.", but he never said anything more than that. He won't show himself being so vulnerable, ever.

Whenever he has to go to the optometrist, he won't eat anything for at least half a day before the appointment, because he knows for sure that he's going to throw up after the doctor dilatates his pupils.

He's a quiet puker, and he always locks himself up in the bathroom, which can be dangerous in those situations. After that time when he passed out after throwing up, his mother got an extra key of the bathroom, and always lingers close to the door when she knows that her son's about to be sick.

If anyone tries to interrupt him when he throws up or when he's in acute pain, he will yell at them. It's not that he doesn't appreciate the help, but he hates how everything feels so crowded around him when he's down. The only person who's brave enough to help him when he's like that is Yamaguchi, mostly because he's used to hearing his angry words (even if Tsukishima's never insulted him personally).

Yamaguchi Tadashi:

Terribly emetophobic, he won't throw up even if he has to. He just won't do that, no way... Which is cruelly ironic, since he gets sick pretty often due to anxiety and weak immune system. Tsukishima doesn't mind helping him out (but he would never step close to anyone else when they're sick) but he can be a bit rough sometimes; this both reassures and agitates Yamaguchi. "I'll stick my fingers down your throat if you don't throw up now." doesn't sound too kind, but when Tsukishima adds "it'll make you feel better, I promise." Yamaguchi feels a bit calmer. He’s also a loud puker.

He's a type-2 diabetic, though he has it under control and hasn't had any problem related to that in a while, not since the beginning of middle school, at least. Still, sometimes he needs to reluctantly sit practise out because he's obviously too shaky and weak to strain himself that much. When that happens, they all make sure that someone sits with him to make him feel less alone... and he appreciates it immensely.

He's on anxiety meds, but they make him feel dizzy sometimes, which leads him into a spiral of panic for fear that he'll get sick. It's a huge contradiction, really, and he hates it with his whole soul.

He's one of the people in the team who can handle others' sickness and injuries better; it might shock him for a second, but he's ready to jump into action and solve the problem in order to help his friends out.

Injuries don't scare him, though the worst thing that ever happened to him was when he got punched in the face by a bully. He also broke his arm in middleschool once though he doesn't remember muchー maybe it was the shock, or maybe it was that it hurt less than he imagined. The punch freaked him out more than that.

Yachi Hitoka

She's a good caretaker, but an absolute mess when it comes to taking care of her own injuries and sickness.

She's clumsy so she's not new to bruises and cuts, but this doesn't mean that she doesn't freak out a bit whenever she sees blood on her legs or arms. On their way home from school, one day, Hinata and Yamaguchi decided to get her band-aids with little chicks and kittens on them. She finished the 30-pack in less than a month.

She got her period a bit late in life, a couple of months before turning 15, and whenever she's on her period, it hits her like a train at full-speed in the guts. Kiyoko taught her some yoga moves that help with the cramps, and the boys never bother the two of them when they see them doing yoga in the corner of the gym. In fact, they also bought her an electric heating pad for her birthday along with an indecent amount of chocolate that didn't fit in Yachi's bag (and various other presents not concerning periods).

Shimizu Kiyoko:

The scars on her legs are fully healed, yet the skin there is thinner, and so the wounds reopen whenever she accidentally hurts herself there. They sting quite a bit, and though it's unusual, she hisses out loud when it's bad. Everyone agreed to make sure that medkit is always equipped with antiseptic cream. To this day, Kiyoko insists that it isn't necessary, but they disagree.

She always knows what to do when someone else feels sick, but she's unsure about what she'd do in case of her own sickness. She hasn't been sick in too long to know.

She hasn't gotten a cold since elementary school, and that one time when she thought she'd caught something, when she sneezed at the age of 16, it was actually just a bit of dust allergy. She doesn't even need meds for it.

Takeda Ittetsu:

He hardly gets sick, but he ends up hunched over the toilet more often than not after a Friday night out with his friends. He drinks quite a bit for a teacher, but only when he knows that he can do that without compromising his career or setting the wrong example. Hangovers also leave him a messy wreck, and that's why he only drinks on Fridays: that way, he has until Sunday night to recover.

For someone who's constantly surrounded by teenagers, he doesn't get sick much. He catches a cold every now and then, but nothing more serious than that. And when he's sick, he always tries to prevent the others from catching what he's got, without actually taking care of himself to heal.

Once, he got a fever of 40,1°C and luckily for him Ukai was coming over to discuss about the volleyball club; he found Takeda sprawled face-down in front of the open door. He was boiling, so Ukai took him to the hospital where he stayed for two days. ("I didn't think it was this bad." "So you knew you had a fever and still went to work?" "Yeah, but I had a mask on so that the others could be safe." "And you didn't buy medicine in the meantime?" "Ah, no." "...what the hell!?").

Ukai Keishin:

He catches a cold every other month, no matter how many layers of clothes he wears. These colds are often accompanied by low fevers, but he's used to those so he simply chugs some orange juice and moves on.

He tried to quit smoking countless times, especially since he started coaching these kids, but he can't help smoking at least three of cigs per day. Still, sometimes his chest aches a bit, and maybe it's just paranoia, but when that happens he doesn't touch tobacco for a couple of days.

His liver would even be able to survive Takeda's nights out; his guts, in general, are strong and he swears he's never felt nauseous in his whole life.

💫 I might think of more sick karasuno hc soon, but that's it for now. Expect more characters hc soon! Again, credit me if you use these, and please feel free to share this post! 💫

[marveloussupernerd]

Benadryl - Jumin Han

Warnings: allergic reaction, anxiety

Summary: you’ve lowkey been allergic to cats your whole life. Living with Elizabeth the 3rd has been okay... until one day she scratches you. Cue allergic reaction and Jumin freaking out becoming a helicopter fiancé

A foreword: I get allergy shots for all like 16 of my allergies and they suck~ a very rare side effect for allergic reactions is a feeling of impending doom. I’ve only had this feeling twice since getting shots, but unfortunately today is one of those days. For me it means panic attacks, almost fainting, spot of injection swelling, and genuinely thinking I’m going to die. I’ve been very upset all day so this is kinda for me, but I hope you all enjoy some Jumin fluff :)

You had only been with Jumin for about a month now. The wedding was coming up soon. While Jumin did not believe in couples living together before marriage, he wasn’t against the occasional sleepover, especially to get you out of Rika’s apartment, which he still viewed as dangerous.

He had been stuck in his home office in meetings all afternoon. You managed to entertain yourself, though, putting together a puzzle while sitting with Elizabeth the 3rd.

Everything was going just dandy. You were about a quarter of the way done with the puzzle (it was a very large puzzle), but you heard a loud thud in the other room. It made you jump, knocking a piece off the table. Elizabeth lept down to get it but you rushed to it first. She tried to take it from you, tackling your arm and leaving a sizable scratch.

Elizabeth was not a bitch but... that bitch! It stung. It hurt so bad. Seeing you wince and curse, Elizabeth took a step back, tilting her head curiously at you.

“I’m okay Elizabeth. It’s not your fault,” you reassured her, putting on a smile as though it would make her feel better. She seemed disappointed. She jumped back on the couch and sat down, her gaze still focused on you. You cursed and went to the bathroom to clean it out.

It wasn’t bleeding or anything, but it was bright pink around the edges of the scratch. It was stupid something hurt that bad. It couldn’t be because.. you didn’t think you were allergic anymore.

You ran your arm under cold water, swearing way more than you should have as you felt the sting. You turned off the water, patting it dry with one of the towels in the linen closet, and looked at it again. How was it swelling already? There wasn’t much swelling, but it was a little irritated. You sighed and went back to the couch.

Jumin poked his head out of his office to look at you. “Are you okay, My Love? You sounded distressed.” His hair was ruffled and messy, he looked like he needed a break.

“I’m okay. We heard a loud noise and it frightened Elizabeth the 3rd and I and she accidentally scratched me in the process.” You pet Elizabeth’s head, giving her some affection to show it wasn’t her fault.

“Can I see it?” He pushed himself off the doorframe and went over to you, kneeling by your side. You hesitantly gave him your arm, looking away so you didn’t have to see it or his reaction. He sucked in a breath. “That does not look comfortable.”

“No, but it’s okay.”

“It’s rather swollen. You’re not... allergic to cats, are you?” You glanced over at him, he had his head turned curiously, a very serious look on his face though.

“I mean... I was when I was a kid. I kinda thought it just went away though.”

He snapped up from his position, going into his office, coming back to you with his phone.

“It’s okay! It wasn’t like a deadly allergy or anything. Not like Zen. It just made me rashy and itchy and swollen...”

He shook his head. “I can’t believe you’ve been living with something you’re allergic to.”

“Well I love her Jumin.” You said simply, scratching gently behind her ears.

“Do you want me to call the doctor?” So that’s what he was doing with his phone, pulling up the doctor’s number.

“It’s okay. I’ll take a Benadryl and sleep it off,” you smiled, getting up from your spot to grab a Benadryl from the medicine cabinet. You took one of the pills then made your way back to him, unmoving and glaring at Elizabeth.

“Elizabeth, you cannot do that anymore. She’s allergic. We have to work on being more gentle,” he was reprimanding the cat. It was freaking adorable. His head whipped around to you when he noticed your presence. “All better?”

“It will be. I’m guessing you’re too busy to take a nap with me?” You asked, wringing your hands awkwardly.

“Unfortunately.” He walked over and placed a kiss on the top of your head. “If you need anything, come in and tell me. No- don’t walk. Just call me and I’ll come rushing to your side.”

You plopped down on the couch, putting your legs up. Elizabeth nestled between them. Jumin grabbed the blanket from the top of the couch and opened it up, laying it on top of you. “Sleep tight.” He stooped down to kiss your cheek this time. “Get better, okay?”

You let him go back to work, your eyelids already feeling slightly heavy. It was going to be a good nap.

You checked your phone when you woke up. It had been almost 2 hours? Your arm looked significantly better. You walked over to Jumin’s office door and knocked lightly, waiting for silence before entering.

He was on a call, but he tore his eyes from the screen to look up and smile at you. You pointed to your arm and gave him a thumbs up to tell him it was all better. He smiled and nodded. That was all the communication you needed. You went back to the couch to continue your puzzle.

But the Benadryl wore off eventually. It started to hurt to lift your arm to move the pieces around. And before you knew it, it was swollen again, way more than it was before. Your arm had swelled up to the size of a baseball. It was hard and hot to the touch. You had never had one this bad. You felt dizzy.

It hurt. Tears pricked at your eyes. You were... scared? You hadn’t had an allergic reaction this bad as far as you could remember. It was so so swollen and red and irritated and it hurt like a bitch. Was it harder to breathe or was that just from you panicking? It hurt to take deep breaths.

Don’t bother Jumin, you told yourself, he’s busy with work. It’s probably fine. Why were you looking up allergic reactions on WebMD? Why were they telling you to go to the hospital? Should you go to the hospital? You had never even written out a will. Should you write out a will now? Should you call Yoosung? You hadn’t talked to him in a while and felt kind of bad. Your hands stumbled to call Jumin.

Not even three rings later he was out in the living area, hands resting on your arms and asking you where it hurt. You were crying now. Why were you so scared? “Look how bad it got!” You exclaimed, pointing to the swollen spot.

He glanced at it then looked away quickly, cringing. “I thought the Benadryl helped. Wow, it feels so hot.”

You nodded. “It did help, but it’s worn off now. I just- I feel dizzy and sick to my stomach.”

He held you in his arms, pulling you close for a quick hug. “I’m calling the doctor.”

The call with the doctor was stressful. He paced the room anxiously, answering the questions. It was cute he knew everything about you, previous conditions, everything you had told him at one time or another. Except for the cat thing. That you avoided telling him. He stopped every once in a while to ask a few questions about the allergy and history then continued on the phone.

Finally, he was done. But not for long. He was making another call. This one was short and sweet. “Assistant Kang, cancel all my other meetings for the day.” He paused. “She’s having an allergic reaction. Yes. I need to be with her. I’ll let her know. Goodbye.”

This time he set the phone down, making his way back by your side. “It’s all okay. Assistant Kang sends her best too.”

“What’d the doctor say?” Your breathing had calmed down considerably, but you were still nervous.

“If the Benadryl is helping then that’s a good sign. He wants you to take more and keep resting. The breathing is probably because of a panic attack. Sometimes those suffering from reactions get a ‘sense of impending doom’ as he called it. You think that could be it?” He was stroking your cheek gently, focusing all his attention on you.

“That’s so silly. But probably true. I was worried I was gonna die.”

He hugged you tightly, pulling you as close to him as possible. “I’m sorry. This is scary,” he whispered.

“I’m okay. More Benadryl. You didn’t have to cancel your meetings, you know?”

He pulled back to look at you, shaking his head. “But I did. A nap with you sounds wonderful, especially if it’ll help you feel better.”

He left momentarily, coming back with more Benadryl and water. You took it silently. He sat down on the couch behind you in the small amount of space not occupied by your body. Picking you up as though you weighed nothing, he pulled you on top of his chest and stretched out, kicking his legs up underneath yours.

You positioned yourself so that your nose was nuzzled in his neck. His sharp collarbones and shoulders were never comfy to sleep on, but he had that one sweet spot on his neck that was super comfy.

He let his arms rest on your waist as you curled up into him. Elizabeth jumped up and sat on your legs; you didn’t make an effort to move. It was comfy. He leaned down a little, holding you tight so that you didn’t shift too much, and flung the blanket over your bodies.

“This was a lot of work. Maybe we should’ve just gone to bed,” you giggled.

You could feel his chest shake with a chuckle. “This is absolutely perfect. If we were in bed, you wouldn’t be this close to me.” He grabbed your arm and pulled it up to give you a kiss on the swollen bump. “I hope you feel better. Elizabeth is extremely sorry.”

“And I forgive her. She’s too sweet to stay mad at. And you’re too sweet for staying here with me.”

You let your eyes flutter closed, focusing on the way he hummed to himself, slightly off key, and ran his hands soothingly over your back. The Benadryl was coaxing you to sleep, sure, but he was just so comfy that it made you exhausted, excited to cuddle up and sleep.

I was supposed to write abt Yoosung tonight whoops catch him tomorrow

[heretherebedork]

Hiya there! I love ML standing up for Anon and not getting pissed at it. There’s so many times when characters get pissed at another for being scared to open up, or at least more times than there should be. Some (rare) times it could be reasonable, but damn give them some space.

Premise: Cafe setting with a barista ML who accidentally makes mistake with a customer’s order. The customer ends up really enjoying the drink and soon becomes a frequent customer for this mysterious concoction that brings them

I am very tired of characters getting pissed for things like keeping a secret that could affect them hugely and other reasonable things. So I try to avoid that, most of the time. But sometimes it does make sense character wise or plot wise, I must admit.

ML is actually known by all the regulars in the coffee shop for making mistakes. He's... not the best at following directions. In fact, the only reason he's still working is because his mistakes often turn out better than the original did. It's kinda his gimmick. (Note: If a customers mentions allergies, ML is required to let someone else make the drink.)

This is because ML has ADHD and severe executive dysfunction issues alongside a host of other symptoms, obviously. He's just also, luckily, very good at mixing flavors regardless.

But Coffee knows none of this when he walks in and orders a fairly complicated drink. And receives something... different. Different but better. And when he asks about it, he recieves the explanation of how ML never gets an order right but always seems to make it better.

Coffee starts coming more regularly. He gets his not right but better drinks and he watches ML. And he chats when he can. ML is enthusiastic, bouncy, friendly but distracted.

Coffee is the exact opposite. He's always been the studious and serious type. He wears thick glasses and tends to take everything a bit too seriously. ML is fascinating in his light persona, always flitting from topic to topic.

But Coffee notices other things. He notices how everyone calls ML stupid behind his back. That many of the regulars love his drinks but mock his personality when he isn't looking. That even the other employees join in the mocking whenever ML is busy or not working. Everyone says he's stupid, a drop-out, useless outside of the coffee shop.

And Coffee has a chance to see this when he runs into ML in the grocery store one day. He sees ML standing in an aisle, struggling with a shopping list because he'd gone out of order and forgotten to check things off. So he's standing in the middle of an aisle trying to figure out what he's gotten and what he still needs. It's obviously a struggle for him to coordinate the list, the groceries and the people constantly trying to pass him by and jostling him.

So Coffee stops and offers to help. ML goes slack-jawed at the offer. But Coffee efficiently pulls the cart to the side, checks the items on the list and hands it back to ML with everything checked off and a few suggestions on how to organize the list better.

ML thanks him and laughs and is obviously both grateful and touched and amazed. Coffee is in love. He's gone. That's all it took to push him from a vague liking to absolutely gone in love boy. ML's gratitude and positivity is contagious.

And then Coffee offers to give ML a ride home after ML mentions a long walk. ML takes that right up and Coffee is given a chance to see his absolute disaster of a condo. It's... it's beyond messy. There's piles everywhere of everything imaginable and ML sheepishly admits how hard cleaning is for him.

Suddenly, Coffee finds himself helping ML with everything he can. He realizes that ML is brilliant at art and flavors and can get sucked into baking or cooking or creating for hours on end without noticing. But that ML is lost when it comes to a lot of the basics of life, like cleaning and neatening and keeping track of time.

Coffee is a horrible cook and baker and better at math than art. But he's very neat. So he starts coming over every day. He cleans and he neatens and he drags ML away from his hyperfocus and sits with him when nothing at all helps the overwhelming sense of boredom or when he just can't start anything at all.

And he's just falling deeper and deeper in love the entire time.

Then he hears a regular and a coworker at the shop making fun of ML one day.

Coffee stands up and defends ML. Vigorously. Loudly. Talking about how ML is doing everything he can and the best part of the store and that if he wasn't there none of them would be and he's ranting at these two rather shocked people when ML walks out.

And ML is shocked in the best way. Especially when Coffee wraps an arm around him and keeps on defending him. This is the moment when ML falls.

So now we're onto mutual pining. They're both in love but they're both also sure that there's no way the other person could love them the same way. ML because he thinks he's too flighty and distracted and messy and 'stupid' and Coffee because he thinks he's too stiff and nerdy and neat.

It's adorable, okay? And they're getting closer and closer to each other, coming together so close and so deeply in love but so unwilling to risk their friendship.

Coffee is at ML's house every day, constantly, hanging around him, cleaning up and taking care him. He's really only going home to sleep, honestly, and leaving for work. Otherwise they're together. And they both love it.

And then, one night, it's pouring. And ML asks Coffee if he just wants to stay. Yes, he drove, but the storm is horrendous and the condo is comfortable and Coffee absolutely cannot say not to anything from ML. So he agrees.

They stay up late, talking and laughing and ML bakes them treats and, eventually, they find themselves tangled on the couch. Coffee is stroking ML's hair and ML is snuggled against his chest. They're comfortable and happy and...

Coffee can't help himself. He presses a kiss to the top of ML's head. And then to his forehead. ML's eyes are closed and he's almost holding his breath. There's another kiss, between his eyes. And then on his nose. And then, finally, the softest touch and lips.

They don't need to talk. They meet eyes and they know.

And it's happily ever after. There's an epilogue/special episode about ML opening his own bakery with Coffee's support where they specifically hire employees with varying disabilities who struggle to find work and respect otherwise. All the recipes are clear but there's always the surprise drink option, where you tell ML your top three flavors and he makes you the perfect, personal drink.

[skinks]

I see your “fake/pretend dating” scenarios and I ask instead of you: “we’re secretly together and desperately trying to hide it” scenarios

Richie and Eddie finally get their shit together a week before Bev and Ben’s wedding, and after a whole lot of arguing and contingency plans and naked, sweaty discussion, they decide that if they don’t wanna steal that hetero thunder, they have to try their hardest to act like they’re not a Thing

and it’s a mess. They spend the whole week of bachelor parties (Losers plus Patty sans Bev get sad drunk and wish Bev was there) and bachelorette parties (Losers plus Patty sans Ben wear feather boas and get sorority drunk with Bev’s fashion friends, gossip about Ben and sing karaoke) pretending they’re not sneaking off to bone in every unoccupied room they possibly can

It’s a MESS. Richie figures the years of practice at pathetic, secret longing mean they should be better at this than they are. Like yeah, they’re still hovering in this awkward limbo stage where it’s both terribly exciting and horribly embarrassing to be crossing meat swords with your long lost best bro, while knowing you’re both totally into it, but they already acted so couple-y beforehand that it’s probably WEIRDER if Eddie stops smiling all fond and fixing Richie’s hair, or if Richie stops slinging his arm around Eddie at every opportunity. But that’s letting their guard down, and they keep freezing and jumping apart in the middle of casual conversation. They’re standing with Bill and Audra and Patty and Mike in some hotel function room, discussing whether or not stealing Ben’s yacht is feasible when Richie oh-so-gently says “hey—c’mere,” and wipes a smudge of chocolate fondue (contains nuts!!) from Eddie’s mouth with his thumb. Everyone stops talking. Everyone stares. Eddie stares. And Richie needs to duck and cover so he sort of - slaps him? Not even hard enough to make a noise, it’s more of a tap-then-push. He pushes Eddie’s face. “Is that Staniel I hear,” Richie says, after a moment.

“I don’t hear anything,” Patty says.

“No no, that’s definitely Stan,” Richie says, backing swiftly to the door. Eddie’s eyes are on him accusing and hot, dark brown like the chocolate smeared on Richie’s thumb. Later, Eddie will suck the taste off where it’s stuffed in his mouth to keep quiet as they fuck below deck in Ben’s stolen yacht, Mike and Bill fighting overhead about who gets to wear the blue and white captain’s hat. Eddie’s pants are barely even pulled down. Richie does his Quint From Jaws Voice and goes duh-dun, duh-dun as Eddie pushes inside so Eddie will bite his thumb and fuck him harder. It’s all very undignified, and illicit, and stupid. Eddie loves it. “I have great ears, Pattycake, and Stanley makes this sort of, uh, echolocation type noise when he’s having issues with hotel staff. I should know, I went on vacation once with his family, to the Catskills? Stan spilled soup on a waiter and every bat in the fuckin’ place came right outta the forest and flew into the buffet. Don’t ask him about it though, one man’s vigilante origin story is another man’s traumatic childhood. Okay bye.” Richie definitely doesn’t run, but running away is more about aura than gait.

Audra frowns. “Did he just imply Batman didn’t have a traumatic childhood?”

“Haha,” Eddie deflects, stuffing his hand in his pocket, and missing. “He must’ve had the shrimp. Fucked up that he’s the one with the actual shellfish allergy, right? Isn’t that irony, or something?”

“That would be ironic, if you didn’t know everything we’re all allergic to by heart and would never let Richie eat shrimp,” Bill says, still staring.

“I would,” Eddie says immediately. He can’t find his fucking pocket. “I would totally let Richie eat shrimp.”

“You slapped his slice of pizza out of his hand last week because there was oyster sauce in the marinara,” Mike says, but Eddie is already actually running away. Wow, he’s fast.

Even with the Losers, Richie’s only out by implication, but it’d still be weird if he, for some reason, brought a woman as his date. He thinks about bringing Sven the Sound Guy because he’s as opposite to Eddie as it’s possible to find on short notice since Guy Fieri was unavailable, but he can’t decide whether this is genius cover or so on the nose as to be damning. He goes stag in the end, which is perhaps most damning of all. Eddie is in Schrodinger’s closet, because he doesn’t have to answer either way if nobody fucking asks him, and nobody does, because Eddie always starts doing whatever he’s currently doing to an incredibly intense level whenever the conversation turns to dating. One time at dinner when they were all in the same city for one of Richie’s tentative, low-key comeback shows, someone mentioned post-divorce dating apps, and then someone simply said the word Grindr not even in Eddie’s direction and Eddie cut his steak so hard he scratched the plate. This was an achievement in and of itself seeing as the clown took Eddie’s fork-arm, but Richie was spearing his steak for him while he cut it. He’s an enabler. An enabler to steak, and freakouts.

Anyway, even with all of this, it’s still weird that Eddie brings a woman. She’s Paula. From work. Stan sees her checking her phone so often that he figures out she’s one of the women in the matching white wedding dresses on her lock screen. Stan nudges Patty, who becomes very insistent that they should tell Eddie before he gets his heart broken, but Eddie is probably too busy periodically kicking out the backs of Richie’s knees to make him wobble and buckle against the bar to notice, or care.

Bev has great fucking aim, is the thing. There’s a lost catapult and a space-alien dead as a dodo can attest to it, but she’s still facing the opposite direction and could never predict that her bouquet toss would bounce off two different bridesmaids’ heads, straight into Richie’s hands. They’re so beautiful. White and orange and a rich, nautical blue that matches Eddie’s suit, tidily pinned up at the right shoulder and pressed hard into Richie’s side. Bev is laughing delightedly and Ben is taking a photo, and Eddie has been getting steadily drunker ever since he got back half an hour ago from gratefully sending Paula home to her wife in an Uber with some cake. He’s all pink across the bridge of his nose and he looks so fucking adorable with Ben’s blue and white yacht captain hat tilted on his head at a rakish angle, and the others are all catcalling so hard that Richie figures they might as well give up the pretense. He kicks out the back of Eddie’s knees so he’ll buckle into Richie’s flowery arms and fucking DIPS him like that old wartime photo even though Eddie’s the one with the sailor hat getting knocked off his head because they’re kissing so enthusiastically, clinging to the back of Richie’s neck and snortlaughing into his mouth, but suddenly everyone’s shouting, and they all sound - not pissed, exactly, but certainly indignant

“Are you guys serious,” Bill says, “you’re stealing their thunder right now? One major childhood romance realized isn’t enough, you’re gonna crash theirs?”

“Wait,” Richie says

Bev throws up her hands. Richie can’t see, because of her dress, but he’s pretty sure her foot is actually tapping. “Why didn’t you tell us!”

Eddie is still dangling off him like a monkey, all stunned-drunk limp with the bouquet shoved in his face. Richie hears what uh oh sounds like muffled by flowers, and Ben silently takes another photo, like he’s cataloguing a crime scene.

“You guys... didn’t know? We actually kept it a secret?”

“Until now, you jackasses!”

“What secret,” Audra asks, appearing with like eight plates of cake. “What’s happening? Oh wait, I’m caught up.”

“But—but—the fondue,” Eddie says, and seriously, it’s not like the clown ripped his legs off, he could try standing and facing this with Richie like a true bro, but Richie’s kind of enjoying the weight of him. Plus he’s pretty sure Bev won’t dare to go through Eddie to kill him, so. Human shield it is.

“What about the fondue?” Mike looks like he did after the end of The Usual Suspects. Like he’s re-evaluating every time Richie and Eddie left a room together, and wishes he wasn’t. “You guys are like that all the time.”

“Then why were you all staring!”

“Nobody was staring! It was a natural lull in conversation, we were weirded out that you were being weird about it! Have you always been this self-centered?”

“I guess so,” Richie shrugs. He looks down at Eddie, covered in pollen and thoroughly confused. He’s so drunk he’s looking kinda cross-eyed. “You hear that, dude? We were killing it, until we fucked it all up!”

Eddie grins up at him. “Good enough!” he slurs, and then lets go of Richie’s neck for a high five. Everyone’s gone back to ignoring them in favour of dancing to Journey, so at least nobody notices Richie’s so eager to return it that he drops Eddie on the floor instead

[xxcureangelxx]

5, 9, 10, 13, 20, 21, 24, 25, 28, 30-35, 38-42, 44-46, 50, 52, 54, 60-62, 66, 71-74, 86-91, 96, 100! 😊

okay I literally have no clue how old this is and if I'm even taking the questions from the right post but here goes I guess? 🙈

<u>5. What is your favorite Color?</u>

PURPLE

<u>9. How tall are you?</u>

about 1,70 meters or 5'7"

<u>10. What shoe size are you?</u>

size 40-41, I think that's about 8 in US sizes?

<u>13. What talents do you have?</u>

uhhh good question... not sure if it counts but I guess I'm quite good at a lot if things but can't do anything extraordinarily well?

<u>20. Are you religious?</u>

Absolutely not. Due to family history and a lot of other things I'm actually against it a lot but people can do whatever they feel like is right for them as long as they don't harm others with it.

<u>21. Have you ever been to the hospital?</u>

Yes, quite a lot actually. practically grew up in hospitals as a baby because of kidney issues, broke both my legs with 4 years old, had to revisit for tests a lot during my childhood because of the kidney issue. it calmed down afterwards until I was back in hospital last year because of my terrible mental health and I'm currently in a rehabilitation clinic for it as well.

<u>24. Baths or showers?</u>

Shower's because we don't have a bathtub

<u>25. What color socks are you wearing?</u>

currently none, I love going barefoot, but usually I wear white, gray or black. I know... I'm a bad gay.. no rainbow socks (;ŏ﹏ŏ)

<u>28. What type of music do you like?</u>

you know.... I hate this question with a passion even though I love music so I'll just throw in my yt-playlist here and everyone who's interested can look through it to get a picture xD not sorted in any way and not a conclusive list at all, I just add songs as I find them

<u>30. How many pillows do you sleep with?</u>

mostly just one at a time but I've got two different ones. one is the normal fluffy kinda pillow, the other is made of some kinda foam material and rather thin.

<u>31. What position do you usually sleep in?</u>

I'm always lying on the side! have been doing that since I was a baby too.

<u>32. How big is your house?</u>

compared to what? 🙈 I'd say decent size for 5 people to live in, would have space for 1-2 more if rooms were used differently but definitely not enough to comfortably live with 12 or even more people like my family used to. we've got like 3 proper sleeping rooms (one of which is the attic so not very nice in terms of heat and the staircase is smack in the middle of the room), a kitchen, a dining room, a big living room, a tiny bathroom that barely fits a toilet and shower, and the basement is a mix of storage, electrics and stuff, washing room/utility room and it's got another smaller room that's been turned back into a small workshop but used to be the room of my brother and later my grandmother.

<u>33. What do you typically have for breakfast?</u>

I guess this is where it shows that I'm german but we usually just eat bread (preferably whole grain) with cheese or slices of salami or ..meat sausage? is that a proper translation? 🤨 idk... it's rather simple really. on the weekend maybe buns and boiled eggs. on the occasion that I'm too tired for it or don't have enough time I eat cereals but it's not very common when I'm at work/school

<u>34. Have you ever fired a gun?</u>

No, and I don't want to

<u>35. Have you ever tried archery?</u>

Yes!! I did last year when I was in the hospital and it was super fun! was quite good at it as well, even for my first try 😤

<u>38. What's the longest you've ever gone without sleep?</u>

I think about 3 days? if we count "barely unconscious for a few hours" as sleep that is... otherwise no clue...my memory of the bad sleepless time is quite hazy lol

<u>39. Do you have any scars?</u>

yeah, quite a few tbh. got 2 huge ones from surgeries due to my kidney issues, well they look like 2 but it's actually multiple ones since they simply cut open party of the old ones again, tiny hooman apparently have very little skin. then I got some other ones here and there from accidents, general dumbness, etc, like when I cut through my sunday morning bun and almost cut half of the tip of my finger off because my mother sharpened the knife and didn't tell me or that time as a kid I couldn't wait for my ironing pearl pictures to be done and burned myself on the hot iron, mostly stuff like that.

<u>40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?</u>

I mean.. if they're a secret... how would I know? ;) not sure if it counts that it took me months to realize I had a crush on my best friend and the feelings were reciprocated and I was too blind to see the signs?

<u>41. Are you a good liar?</u>

Nope. People actually think I'm lying more often than I lie... so.... :/

<u>42. Are you a good judge of character?</u>

I'm.. honestly not sure what this one means? like, am I able to judge what kind of character a person has after barely meeting them or smth? if so, I'm terrible at it

<u>44. Do you have a strong accent?</u>

in german? nope. in english? hmm hard to judge since I rarely hear myself speak. I think the stuff I do know how to pronounce is mostly okay but since I learned it through reading I'm simply unsure of a lot of pronunciations. 'also'.... I can not for the life of me pronouns that word no matter how many times I hear it... it's kinda become a quirk after some classmates pointed it out to me and I'm incredibly aware how terrible I say the word but.... just can't get rid of it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

<u>45. What is your favorite accent?</u>

I.. actually really love the way my best friend talks? 👉👈 they're french btw. just... typical me for struggling to understand them though, already terrible at it in german too...

<u>46. What is your personality type?</u>

honestly, I don't think I can answer that. I'm big on self loathing and everything's pretty shitty so, no thanks

<u>50. Left or right handed?</u>

Right handed. but does it even count id I'm bad at doing things with that hand too? lol

<u>52. Favorite food?</u>

hmmmm tough question... not the biggest fan of food in general a lot of the time... probably Züricher Geschnetzeltes

<u>54. Are you a clean or a messy person?</u>

Definitely messy. my allergies did not like this post trying to clean and tidy up more often though. my depression does not like this post either

<u>60. Do you talk to yourself?</u>

sometimes. quite a bit when watching movies or if I mess stuff up

<u>61. Do you sing to yourself?</u>

barely. got a lot of bad experiences with that so i keep my singing to a minimum. my shower is a great listener though

<u>62. Are you a good singer?</u>

I was in a choir for a few years when I went to 'middle school' and I had like one solo part once but other than that I can't really say because I barely ever sing in front of people

<u>66. Do you like long or shor hair?</u>

this question is currently my absolute nemesis.. I've got suuuper duper long hair and have had it ever since elementary school and I used to be super happy with it and sometimes I still am happy with it but other days, depending on where I'm at genderwise, I absolutely hate it and I just want to take the closest scissors and cut it all off... currently haven't had the guts to look for new hair styles though... but in other people? or women more specifically? I love long hair 🥺

<u>71. What makes you nervous?</u>

Or the shorter question: what doesn't make me nervous... I'd say pretty much everything has got the potential to make me nervous. I'm an overthinker, anxiety is a big thing for me and ptsd makes me scared of almost everything. so.. yeah... sucks to be me sometimes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

<u>72. Are you scared of the dark?</u>

Yes, very

<u>73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?</u>

I try not to but sadly I sometimes do, even if it's not my place to. I really don't like that part and hope I'll be able to learn not to sometime

<u>74. Are you ticklish?</u>

Yes and I hate it 😭

<u>86. What are you allergic to?</u>

again, easier question: what am I not allergic to... it's... a lot... like, really a lot. with the test on the skin of my arm I reacted to every single substance and the more thorough blood test lead to much of the same result. the absolute worst are birch trees (pitty, love those), then the usual pollen of pretty much every tree or flower, all animals with fur or feathers, dust and... yeah list goes on and on, you get the picture... :/

<u>87. Do you keep a journal?</u>

no.. have tried to multiple times in the past but never made it more than a week... too depressing to write and read... the therapist at the rehab clinic is currently forcing me to try a positivity diary for the millionths time, can't even get that done each day even though I'm doing it on my phone and get notifications to do it each evening...

<u>88. What do your parents do?</u>

making my life hell lol.. okay on a serious note, my father was a car electrician, he's retired by now, my mother is a housewife, she used to work different jobs before her first kid, later on she took care of my grandmother who was suffering from dementia, got some money and retirement points for that too.

<u>89. Do you like your age?</u>

I-... I don't know? it's weird because I both feel a lot younger and a lot older than I am rn....

<u>90. What makes you angry?</u>

another tough question... I actually have anger issues in that way that I'm barely capable of feeling anger... used to be worse but I already worked a lot on it in therapy so there's at least some there now... in the past I simply started to cry and felt overwhelmed by sadness whenever I was supposed to feel anger... so I can't tell very well what makes me angry because I first have to realize that I'm feeling anger or more like should be feeling it....

<u>91. Do you like your own name?</u>

Not really, no, but I guess I finally figured out some reasons why.. I've recently started going by a bit of a different name too but only my closest friends know so far and I'm not sure if I'll be using it irl at all..

<u>96. How did you get your name?</u>

I'm still trying to get my mother to admit that she named me after this song but she keeps denying it.. she's a fan of this band so it would have fit.. but she keeps saying she just liked the name, no long thought process behind it..

my chosen name is a bit of a different story. an ex friend I got to know through yt gave me that nickname almost 10 years ago after I complained that you can't make a shorter nickname out of my birthname and it's also the name of s character I like, especially his voice, and... idk it just feels more gender neutral and I simply feel comfortable with it. it just fit.

<u>100. Color of your room?</u>

same as question 5: Purple 🥰 or... well half the walls are purple, the other half is white

phew... can't believe I made it through all of these....

in case people haven't noticed yet, I'm currently kinda getting back into tumblr? I think I've already stayed a lot longer than any times I tried getting back before. it mostly started because we've got super bad wifi at the clinc I'm at rn and reddit takes up waaayy too much mobile data and... idk, I guess I just missed the vibe of tumblr

I'm not sure how long I'll be able to stick around but we'll see

[laniidae-passerine]

See, the big problem with Hitch is that he talks a lot about himself, but it’s near impossible to tell if he’s lying or not.

So, I’m going to collect information about him from the books that I think is either most definitely true or could possibly be true. Any other information I’ll discount as a lie or impossible to tell if it’s true, and I won’t write it down. Reminder that I don’t own books 2 or 3 and there are spoilers! below. Let’s begin!

Look Into My Eyes

He’s first described as basically a knockout stunner who walked out of almost everyone’s dreams. And so was I just not supposed to love him? Unrealistic.

“But when Ruby answered the door she was surprised to see a remarkably handsome, rather tall, formally dressed man. He was neither particularly young nor would he ever be considered in any way old - in fact it was impossible to really put any accurate age on him.” [page 46]

He’s apparently a man of culture, because he instantly knows what designer Sabina is talking about in regards to her jacket.

“‘Well it is an Oscar Birdet, maybe they felt a little out their depth?’” [page 51]

While he’s obviously very good at his job, he’s not so humble as to not be pleased with himself. He knows he’s good at what he does.

“Ruby looked up to see the amused face of Hitch. He looked kind of pleased with himself, which irritated her.” [page 55]

He’s surprised by just how observant Ruby is, clearly underestimating her right out of the gate.

“‘I’m surprised you noticed (my arm injury).’ And he was surprised too; he thought he had concealed his arm injury well.” [page 56]

Even a man of taste can’t help showing off, and it seems like every guy with enough money lining his pockets likes a nice car, as indicated by his colour choice in convertible.

“‘Well that might explain the flashy car - he’s got this silver convertible.’” [page 62]

He knows a stylist?

“Hope you approve. Had my stylist friend Billie pick these things out for you - she’s good at that kind of thing. Hitch.” [page 81]

He doesn’t have a peanut allergy, lucky him.

“He looked up, startled, and immediately began to spread it with peanut butter. ‘Toast?’ he said.” [page 81]

I am physically aching with how much Lauren Child loves to remind us how hot Hitch is - give us a break, or else I might cry with how good looking he is. But just in case you forgot, let’s remind ourselves about how Hitch is the most attractive man alive! Also, he’s got brown or hazel eyes, Mrs Bexenheath hasn’t decided yet.

“Mrs Bexenheath, the school secretary, looked up to see at what first glance she imagined to be some Hollywood film star. It was as if he had accidentally strayed off the ‘walk of fame’ and wandered unwittingly into the shabby halls of Twinford Junior High - so entirely out of place was he. However, this handsome man struck up and easy conversation with her and before a minute had passed Mrs Bexenheath had found herself agreeing to excuse Ruby Redfort from all lessons for the foreseeable future. She had concentrated carefully, all the while staring into his Hollywood eyes, wondering if they were brown or were they hazel.” [pages 105 and 106]

He knows he’s so attractive that he can just make stuff up and like Ruby, he’s one hell of a liar.

“‘Well, it seems that your grandmother had contracted a rare but not infectious virus while bird watching in the Australian Alps - condition, serious,’ Hitch said, turning the key in the ignition. ‘There are no Australian Alps,’ said Ruby. ‘Well someone should have told your grandmother that because now look at her.’” [page 106]

Hitch doesn’t know shit about children or teenagers until he meets Ruby, and that’s a goddamn fact.

“‘Buzz, give the kid a little tour of the gadget room,’ said Hitch. ‘That’ll keep her out of trouble.’ He was wrong about that.” [page 110]

Now for the moment that made me think he was cute when I reread the books as a teen - he’s not above messing with people and enjoys a good joke now and then.

“‘OK,’ said Hitch, holding his finger to his temple as if he was channelling the information. ‘I’m guessing... chocolate raspberry, strawberry frosting, rainbow sprinkles - am I right?’ Elliot, speechless, handed over the donut.” [page 148 and 149]

And the moment that made me realise I adored him. God yes he’s very handsome and yes he’s got money and yes he’s a secret agent but I’d trade all of that, just for a guy who admits when he’s been stupid. And somehow he can do that while also having and being all of the above.

“When he (Hitch) came in he said, ‘Look kid, maybe part of this is my fault, I accept that, I’ve been kinda ribbing you and talking down to you - so maybe you and I need to start over?’” [page 171]

He likes some of the finer things in life.

“Back at Cedarwood Drive, Ruby went downstairs to find Hitch, who was sitting in his small but comfortable apartment, listening to music and reading some papers.” [page 178]

He’s a charmer, obviously.

“It occurred to Ruby that Consuela was rather over dressed for this task, the stiletto heels and painted fingernails seeming to be more of a hindrance than a help. She was also laughing rather too much [at Hitch’s jokes], that sort of random giggling that certain girls at Ruby’s school broke into whenever Richie Dare walked past.” [page 181]

I don’t actually think he’s assigned to Spectrum 8 - he’s apparently not a Twinfordite or based in California as he implies when he’s about to leave the Redfort house,

“‘What is it? I got a plane to catch in less than,” Hitch looked at his watch, ‘seventeen minutes.’” [page 294]

He’s got a temper on him, and can get angry rather quickly if someone’s done something stupid.

“As he drove, Hitch thought about Ruby. He was about as angry as he had ever been. What on earth had gotten into the kid?” [page 297]

He doesn’t like Froghorn a the beginning of the books and also he’s the sick in the stomach guilt kinda guy.

“Hitch was feeling horrible - the kind of guilt that causes nausea. Why hadn’t he listened, he never should have let LB assign that numbskull.” [page 328]

He owns a gun and I’d assume it’s Spectrum issued.

“You tell him kid, hissed Hitch, his hand reaching for his revolver.” [page 378]

I can’t say for sure, but I have this feeling that he and Nine Lives were kinda close in the way that you must be if you’re continually trying to kill one another. (I’ve always thought of her as being smart enough to be a Spectrum agent but always refusing Hitch’s offers to join when they were younger, and he finally gave up when she started recreationally killing but that’s just my personal head-canon!) Anyway, her death has him feeling some kinda way.

“(Valerie) looked up at Hitch. ‘You killed me?’ she said as she slid to the floor. In her left hand the diamond revolver glittered, a pool of crimson forming where she lay. For just a second the three figures were frozen. Hitch had so many times fought Nine Lives only to watch her somehow leap to her escape - wounded but always alive. Could it really be over?” [page 381]

Feel the Fear

What does Hitch fear? LB? Death? Bears? No. He fears the most dangerous thing of all - meter-maids.

“Ruby looked up to see a tall, well-groomed man in a well-cut suit standing in the room. He appeared moderately anxious. ‘Am I making you nervous?’ asked Ruby. ‘The only person making me nervous is the meter maid on 3rd Avenue where I’m double-parked.’” [page 26]

He’s a trustworthy guy, so not just all stunningly good looks then.

“That was the thing about Hitch: he kept his mouth shut. He had to: 𝘚𝘗𝘌𝘊𝘛𝘙𝘜𝘔 𝘙𝘜𝘓𝘌 1: 𝘒𝘌𝘌𝘗 𝘐𝘛 𝘡𝘐𝘗𝘗𝘌𝘋. as one of the highest-ranking agents at Spectrum 8, he was trusted with heavily classified information. He didn’t squeal for anything or anybody.” [pages 28 and 29]

He loves Ruby, most definitely, like some kinda surrogate agent dad but by god how did he end up here?

“So how had a top-notch spy wound up working undercover as a bodyguard to a thirteen year old kid? Hitch, for one, asked himself this question practically every day.” [page 29]

It’s implied he’s never worked an actual real job in his life - obviously or else he’d have the worn down look of everyone who’s ever had to take a job in retail.

“‘No Redfort, not really, at least I doubt it, but they might fire me.’ ‘That would suck,’ she said. Hitch nodded. ‘Yes it would. I’d have to go and get a real job.’ He shuddered. ‘I’m sure my parents would keep you on.’ ‘Yes,’ said Hitch. ‘That’s exactly what I’m afraid of.’” [page 50]

He never sleeps. He never looks sleepy. All a man born in 1930 knows is coffee, play his clarinet, not sleep, be bisexual, work as an agent and lie.

“Didn’t matter what time of day or night, Ruby had never caught Hitch unprepared, asleep or even on the brink of dozing off.” [page 131]

He has the dad act down to the “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed” voice.

“At that exact moment Hitch’s voice was the best sound Ruby had ever heard, even though it in fact sounded sort of furious. He wasn’t shouting, which made it worse, his voice heavy with disappointment, his expression telling her that at that very moment he wasn’t exactly pleased to see her breathing but was relieved that he hadn’t had to pick up the Ruby-shaped pieces.” [page 176]

He is apparently knowledgeable about French Antique furniture, specifically that of the 1700’s.

“Clancy led Hitch to his mother’s dressing room and Hitch surveyed the damage. He winced, ran his fingers over the wood. ‘Pear and walnut, made in the French provinces.’ He opened the drawers and examined their construction. ‘Circa 1727, very typical.’ He looked underneath the table top; found what he was looking for. ‘Surprising.’ Then he took a magnifier from his bag, held it over the damaged wood of the table. ‘A quality piece.’” [pages 210 and 211]

Listen, when I said he had money, I wasn’t joking. To misquote somebody, I don’t love him cause he’s rich, but it sure doesn’t hurt.

“Hitch took a fat wodge of twenty dollar bills from his wallet, peeled off a large number and handed them to the guy in charge, shook them all by the hand and watched them leave.” [page 211]

Hitch implies he’s attracted to women, but that’s not news to us because he’s obviously bi, duh.

“‘I think someone just tried to kill me.’ ‘You’re looking at the next guy in line - I just happened to be having dinner two blocks away with a very charming meter maid.’” [page 322]

He’s got a vaguely recognisable aesthetic.

“Ruby knew the Charles Burger, and upmarket burger grill place, with green leather banquette seating and polished wood tables. It was very Hitch somehow.” [page 366]

He can do parkour. It’s amazing.

“‘Let me explain.’ Without warning, Hitch ran. He was across the parking lot in the blink of any eye and headed straight towards a high brick wall - but he didn’t stop, he didn’t slow his pace, he ran at the wall and then up the wall, and when he got to the top... (insert long description of very cool parkour antics)” [page 372]

I literally do not understand how this handsome superman type of guy is single. How?! HE CAN JUMP BETWEEN WHOLE BUILDINGS!

“The crowd gasped as the woman flailed in the sky, and then they gasped again to see a figure in all black fly across the spotlight’s beam to snatch her from the dark.” [pages 478 and 479]

Pick Your Poison

Nobody knows an actual fact about Hitch and it’s very painful.

“‘When it comes to Hitch, I think it’s hard to know what’s true. You think you know him but, look at it this way, what do I really have as hard evidence? Do I know anything?’ ‘You know he likes coffee,’ suggested Clancy. ‘What I know Clance,’ corrected Ruby, ‘is that Hitch drinks coffee and a lot of it, but does he drink it because he likes the taste of it or because she need to keep from falling asleep? Well, it’s anybody’s guess.’” [page 31]

In case you forgot, because it really doesn’t get said often, Hitch is very attractive.

“She didn’t immediately spot Hitch. He was browsing chickpeas: a tall, good-looking man, wearing an elegant raincoat over a dark suit.” [page 60]

Dad jokes!

“‘Isn’t this a bit inconvenient?’ said Ruby. ‘I mean, having to walk through a store every time you want to reach Spectrum?’ ‘On the contrary,’ he said. ‘It’s a convenience store.’” [page 60]

This isn’t really a fact about him, but this part always makes me laugh so here we go.

“Hitch, who was standing behind Ruby, was trying silently mouth something to SJ and making a sort of cutting motion with his hand as if to say ‘stop talking’, but SJ wasn’t reading this and instead was making it abundantly clear that she was marking this incident up as attempted murder.” [page 228]

The amount of sass contained within one man... legendary.

“‘Kid, don’t you worry about your mother, I got that covered. I have someone watching her, just a precaution.’ ‘I hadn’t noticed,’ said Ruby. Hitch looked heavenwards. ‘He’s a professional, you’re not meant to notice.’” [page 228]

This quote is pretty self explanatory.

“‘So who’s the Aikido master?’ ‘That would be me,’ said Hitch.” [page 250]

He does in fact like coffee!

“‘Same place,’ said Hitch. ‘I only told you Lucello’s because the coffee’s good.’” [page 348]

We get a rare moment of Hitch actually chilling out and eating food!

“Hitch was there, eating a Digby club sandwich (a Mrs Digby special) and he raised a hand in greeting when she walked in.” [page 393]

Even secret agents want their downtime, and are prone to laziness.

“‘You couldn’t fix it yourself?’ ‘Sure I could,’ said Hitch. ‘It’s a simple case of replacing the valve, which if I’m looking at it correctly is a 3/4 inch ceramic. But I’ve got bigger fish to fry.’ [page 394]

He’s capable of getting shouty when he’s being told he can’t do his job properly.

“‘You didn’t have any traffic,’ said Ruby, angrily, ‘you came by helicopter, and by the way I radioed for assistance more than forty minutes back.’ ‘Well, that seems unlikely since we got no call.’ They were almost shouting at each other now.” [page 476]

Just like I mentioned with Blacker, it seems Hitch contributes to some of the dark humour at Spectrum 8.

“Hitch: ‘You don’t have to convince me, you should see the state she left Baby Face in - or rather I should say, states.’ Delaware: ‘How do you mean? Where is he now?’ Hitch: ‘Well, he left his heart in San Francisco.’ Blacker: “His head was found in Monterrey.’ Hitch: ‘And his legs have yet to show.’ LB: ‘Excuse me?’ Blacker: ‘He’s a goner.” [page 503]

Blink and You Die

Both Clancy and Ruby trust their agent dad.Also, I feel like Hitch is actually the closest thing to a dad that Clancy has, because his actual dad sucks, and that just gets me. 

“‘So you’re going to have to talk to Hitch. You trust him, don’t you?’ ‘A hundred per cent,’ said Ruby.” [page 96]

He’s notable for his on-time nature.

“She sat down. All the seats around her were unoccupied and there was no sign of Hitch. Mr Punctuality appeared to be late.” [page 103]

Although I think he might be lying, it seems like Hitch enjoys stargazing.

“‘I like that place,’ said Hitch. ‘The planetarium?’ ‘Yeah, like I said, I find it soothing.’” [page 108]

He’s sincere enough to convince LB to do things she doesn’t really want to and he’s got Ruby’s back to the end.

“‘Hitch has persuaded HQ that it would wise to keep up the survival skills. He seems to think you need all the protection you can get, and though you are no longer a functioning field agent or coding agent, after much consideration, I am persuaded he is right.’” [page 113]

He’s got non-verbal cues that indicate when he’s pissed off - they’re minor but they’re there.

“They talked together got a few minutes, all perfectly fine until Hitch appeared to notice something - perhaps it was to do with Froghorn’s attire, it was hard to say from this distance but Ruby recognised the subtle change in body language and knew that he was not happy, not happy at all.” [page 180]

He’s been seriously injured before in his life, and why was nobody paying attention to these goddamn children, holy hell Spectrum dropped the ball on this one.

“While this drama was unfolding, so another was taking place - the screams of a boy who had apparently fallen into the shallows, but managed somehow to scrabble onto one of the rafts. He had incurred a life-threatening from a fifteen-foot crocodile, but he was lucky - his cries had alerted rescue and he was dragged from the river before he could be taken by the reptile. The boy suffered severe shock and could not be questioned about the incident.” [page 235]

I think that his name suits him well, but jeez, imagine looking at your baby and giving him this name.

“The second, the boy who was almost swallowed by the crocodile, was named as Art Hitchen Zachery.” [page 236]

He is not immune to the upset looks of Sabina Redfort.

“‘I’m afraid I’m expected elsewhere,’ said Hitch, glancing anxiously at his watch. ‘Oh no, really?’ exclaimed ‘Sabina. She looked so forlorn that Hitch found himself saying, ‘You know what, how about I stay for the starter - it really looks too good to miss.’” [page 260]

His birthdate was 1930!

“‘Just how old do you think I am?’ ‘I don’t know,’ said Ruby, ‘fifty-five... fifty-seven.’ ‘Kid, I’m forty-two.’ He shook his head. ‘Boy, never ask a kid to guess your age; they’ll always have you pegged at just shy of decrepit.’” [page 290]

I don’t even know what to caption this, except that he’s able to burst into hysterics. Also, he went with other Spectrum agents to Disneyland, which is adorable.

“‘Are you kidding?’ He began to laugh, really laugh. In fact, he laughed so hard that he didn’t look like he was ever going to stop. ‘What?’ she asked, annoyed that she wasn’t in on the joke. ‘That picture was taken at Disneyland,’ he wheezed. ‘He was made of rubber. Kid, you might to get a new pair of spectacles.’” [page 291]

More dad jokes!

“‘I’d love to, kid, but I’ve got places to be.’ As the doors closed shut, he called, ‘See you later alligator!’ ‘Funny,’ muttered Ruby, ‘real funny.’” [page 291]

While the revelation of Bradley being alive is a huge thing, Hitch still has time for sass.

“Ruby: ‘I’ve only seen two picture of Baker and in neither one did he have this whole wild man of the woods deal going on.’ Hitch: ‘You mean the facial hair?’ Baker: ‘It’s just a beard for crying out loud.’ [page 336]

He can play poker!

“By the time Ruby decided to turn in for bed, Sabina, Hitch, Bradley, Brant and Mrs Digby were settled in for a long night of poker.” [page 348]

The title of butler doesn’t sit great with him.

“‘He’s some butler,’ remarked Brant. ‘Honey, Hitch is a house manager,’ corrected Sabina. ‘He doesn’t like to be called butler, he’s very particular about that.’” [page 350]

He’s this close to dying and he’s still throwing out the snappy comebacks, what a guy.

“The Australian: ‘Of course. But try to refrain from doing anything stupid.’ Hitch: ‘What would add up to stupid?’ The Australian: ‘Any sudden movements; that wouldn’t be smart sweetie.’ Hitch: ‘I’ll try keep my nervous twitch under control.’ The Australian: ‘I’m impressed by your common sense.’                                Hitch: ‘I’m impressed by your gun.'” [page 388]

He’s a real personality - the kind you miss badly when he’s not around.

“Thing moved like clockwork in the Redfort home, every household issue was attended to, and though no one was aware of it, their security was monitored and every safety procedure followed. But life seemed dull without Hitch.” [page 429]

He has a permanent scar from the crocodile incident.

“‘Wanna see the bite? It’s ugly, took an awful lot of stitches to put me back together.’” [page 509]

And those are all the facts I’ve found that we didn’t already know/ are relevant about one Art Hitchen Zachary! I omitted the other 700 paragraphs where we get reminded yet again that he’s very handsome, and still he is the most amazing man!

[geminimoonbeamx]

Oh, Baby: Chapter Two

A/N: So I was so excited about the reaction and feedback I got on the first chapter, I hope you guys enjoy this one too!

Word Count: 3.5k+

Warnings: None really- brief mentions of smut and of course cursing like a mf

Summary: After a drunken night, Y/N finds herself having to face the biggest decision of her life; is she ready for motherhood? And a better question, is Bucky Barnes, her long time friend and womanizer extraordinaire, ready for fatherhood? They’ll just have to go along for the ride and find out together. A Bucky Barnes x Plus Size Reader Story  

Chapter 2/6: And a Cherry On Top

Once you decide that you want this baby- that you’re keeping, things become alot clearer in your mind.

All those lists you made? The bullet pointed steps, numbered processes that you need to accomplish zero in, your brain finally able to sort them, at least a little bit. More then you’d been able to last night, or even this morning.

You’re keeping this baby, it’s cemented in your stubborn brain now and even though that brings a whole new round of terror, it becomes a front and center though. A focal point, so to say.

And when you’re focused- you’ve been told you can be a little ruthless.

“Look, Dr. Cho, I like you so far, I really do,  but I’m going to be blunt here: I’ve read some horror stories about plus size pregnancies, and how miserable it is to have a doctor who is fatphobic- so I just want to check base and make sure that you’re...okay with having me as a patient, and will treat me with the same respect that I plan to treat you with” 

She doesn't look shocked and you don't know whether that's just her training or if her face always has that sage quality to it, but you can't really read it.

“I really admire you bringing up your concerns, and I can assure you that they’re very presidented, but that’s not something you’re going to have to worry about with me if you choose to continue on with me as your practitioner for this pregnancy.

I’ve been an OB for the last fifteen years and have worked with lots of very different women: big and small and everything in between and that doesn't matter to me. What matters is that we find a plan that works for you and your little one and keeps you both healthy as we get you to term. Does that sound okay to you?”

You chuckle, delightedly shocked at her words. At how straight forward and sincere she had been. At the support you could feel from her and how relieving that felt to know that your doctor was going to be on your side, for you, with you.

Being overweight, you’d had prejudice thrown at you left and right thought your life, sadly also by medical professionals, and to know she wasn't going to do that to you?

“Yeah” You nod, with a grateful smile “That sounds more than okay”

The appointment goes smoothly for the next hour and a half or so after that. You’re happy you’d Googled like crazy and had come prepared with a small list of key medical facts: any allergies, past surgeries talks of mental health and medications. She gives you a pelvic exam/Pap  and its uncomfortable as they always are, even with her gentle, nimble fingers. Legs in stirrups, biting at the inside of your cheek.

The magic happens when she lays you down and slathers your tummy with a jelly like substance and your heart goes fluttery against your chest as she uses a little wand, probes and moves it gently against the jelly. Looking, searching…

Thump,

Thump,

Thump,

Found.

On the screen of the ultrasound machine that she’d pulled up. Dr. Cho had warned you that it was very early, and that there was a good chance that she wouldn't be able to find much of anything at this point and yet there it was.

A tiny little blur in the blob like painting of your insides that we’re up for display on the US machine. A heart beat, the sound it made would be imprinted in your mind forever.

“There’s your baby, it’s about the size of a cherry right now and I has no really defined shape, but as you can hear, it has a very strong heart beat”

Like in movies, you thought you’d cry, and yeah, maybe your close, but really it lights a fire in you. Sets your heart ablaze and makes you feel lightheaded.

There’s your baby, and it’s real. So real. With a little heart inside you, beating along with your own…

You leave the office with two copies of the ultrasound pictures, one for you to keep, and one to give to Bucky.

Now you only had to tell him.

Later that night, as you and Wanda lounge on your living room couch, you text him, clutching a furry pillow in your lap.

You need to get this done and over with, you have to tell him.

Hey, long time no talk. You think we could get together for lunch sometime this week?

----------

Bucky finds himself sitting at a corner table, it’s half past three and you’re still not there yet. You we’re supposed to be meeting him for a late lunch...ten minutes ago? Fuck, why were you always late?

It drove him crazy, was on that long list of things about you that made his eyes cross with annoyance. On that list was also the fact that he could never guess what you we’re going to do- which yeah, that one still stood, too.

When you’d texted him, asking him to meet you for lunch last Friday, Bucky had gaped at his phone for a few minutes. Hadn't you spent the last couple months avoiding him like the plague? He couldn't help himself, though, and had only given you a tiny bit of shit before agreeing to meet you that next Wednesday at you guys’ favorite spot.

And so here he sat, at HandCraft, waiting for you. Trying not too feel excited, hopeful. That usual feeling that settled in his gut whenever you we’re around(even with just the promise of your presence) had been thrown into effect.

He orders himself a Corona, extra lime, but considers something stronger to quell the weird nerves, and orders you a Long Island Peach Tea. 

He knew your obsession with everything peach, so when he saw it he couldn't help but order it for you.

He’s a couple drinks into his beer when you walk in. Bucky could zero in on you in a crowd of hundreds, a skill he’d developed pretty quick after meeting you. His weird 20/20 Y/N radar doesn't fail him and his eyes snap to you as you walk in, and he waves you over. You boop through the crowd, and Bucky knows he has a stupid little smile on his face as he watches.

You’re cute, always. It’s infuriating, and intoxicating and damn, will he ever get over this shit? It’s been eight years for fucks sake.  

It’d been rainy and humid in the city this May, and the beige long sleeved, off the shoulder top and high waisted ripped jeans you wear are breezy enough. You always dressed nice, most always put together and he’d always taken the time to appreciate your style, the way you hed yourself and adorned your curvy body.

The big bun that sits atop your head is messy and has started to frizz from the time you’d spent in the sprinkling rain, your loose baby hairs wispy and starting to curl as you sit down in the chair on the opposite him.

“Hi” You greet, shifting in the chair. You’re awkward around him now, and it sucks. It really does.

He thinks about that night in early March, and he cant bring himself to regret it, and he tries to ignore the twinge from how apparently you seem to.

“Hey there- I ordered some drinks so I didn’t die or dehydration while I was waiting for you”

You can’t help but giggle- you and Bucky’s dry humors had always lined up. It was a part of the reason why the two of you had always got on so well, the two of you were always throwing off hand, rude to anyone else, jokes at each other.

“It’s three, you’re going to need to check that alcoholism or yours someday” you rebuff and he shrugs, taking another swig if his beer with a cheeky smile-

“It’s five o’clock somewhere...and it’s actually 3:30, which makes you- he checks his watch playfully, asshole, fifteen minutes late”

“I had a meeting with my boss. Give me a fucking break” You snipe back, and yeah maybe you sound a little sharp.

Shit. No, that’s not how you wanted the atmosphere of this conversation to go. But this week had been...a lot.

You’d told your little sister MJ about the big B news and she had advised you to talk to your boss about bumping up your healthcare, about maternity leave and all that other jazz as early as possible- and that had lead to you having to sit for over an hour with the one-eyed owner of the radio station.

Nick Fury was cool enough, really he is, but still. Explaining an unexpected pregnancy to him was...really awkward. Especially when he had asked about the father and you had to pretty much shrug and say “Bitch, I don’t know. I guess I’ll find out later today”

But you definitely didn’t call your boss a bitch.

“A meeting? Is everything okay?” Bucky actually sounds concerned and you purse your lips and spin the straw in the dark drink you hadn’t touched yet because you were preeeeetty sure it had liquor in it and that was a no go for you now.

“Um, yeah...it is now. I just had some serious stuff to talk to him about”

“Serious? That doesn’t sound great” Bucky didn’t mean to pry, but he knows how much you loved your job. How hard you’d worked for it.

He’s always rooted for you, knowing that like many things, the radio waves were dominated by male hosts. He listened to your podcasts, and your new show, religiously.

Every Wednesday night at 7- he diligently listens to your melodic voice, actually for the last couple months it’s the only way he could feel close to you.

Sucker. He knows.

“Um, yeah. Kinda serious? More just things I needed to get sorted out with Fury. A little planning for my future, ya know?” Our future, the life inside me, you don’t say. Yet.

“Okay, well as long as everything’s still going smoothly there, that’s good, right?”

“Yeah, right. Everything’s going smoothly…” fuck.

“Just say it and get it over with. Like pulling off a band-aid” Wanda had pep talked you about this- but god, how could anybody know it was going to be this hard.

Your heartbeat had gone hummingbird and your stomach was in knots as the minutes ticked on. You order an ice water and watermelon salad and Bucky frowns.

Because that’s not your usual...you always get the Nacho Tots. He offers them as an appetizer for the two of you to share and you shake your head with a forced smile, complaining of a stomach ache.

You don’t touch the peach tea, he points that it too and you shake your head telling him you weren’t in the mood to drink which, what? You were always down to day drink. Always.  

Half way through his chimichurri steak, Bucky can’t take the weird tension anymore. You’re trying...to hard. And yet he can clearly see that you’re more uncomfortable, more uneasy then he’s ever seen you.

He can only bite his tongue for so long. Months of tension were bound to come to a head eventually.

He couldn’t bare talking about the weather and other trivial bullshit subjects anymore.

“Y/N...if you didn’t want to hang out, why did you make plans with me?” Bucky questions, bluntly. Takes you off guard a bit.

“What?” Is your bright reply and he just frowns and leans back in his chair. His body language is all wrong- and it makes you even more anxious then you already were.

“I just- fuck. Fuck, it’s been so weird between us since March and I thought having lunch today was supposed to be us remedying said weirdness but it just feels worse” Bucky’s tone is slightly frustrated and dejected

You can feel your face drop. None of this was going how you’d planned- and you’d imagined this going 1,000 different ways in the last few days.

“I just want everything to go back to the way it was” Bucky speaks, interrupting your silence and it feels like there’s fucking needles in your stomach.

“It can’t go back” You utter, fidget in place, staring at the busy street outside the window for a moment. Not able to meet his eyes yet.

“Really? Cause I kinda think that’s bullshit. So we slept together? It was consensual and we’re adults, I don’t get why it has to be a friendship ending thing-“ Bucky’s feelings are hurt, and it’s apparent in his tone. Confused, slightly pleading.

Band-aid, Wanda’s words ring in your head as you muster up your courage and look back at Bucky.

Jesus, you could drown in his foggy eyes. Could be melted down to nothing by the molten silver of his gaze.

“I have something to tell you, it’s why I asked you to lunch today. I wanted to talk to you face to face because...this is pretty fucking huge and I- I” you stutter and stumble over your words and Bucky knows it’s something major because words are usually your weapon. You vernacular your sword and armor.

He doesn’t know why he knows, or why it clicked together in his head- call it some kind of weird intuition. Maybe from the fact that he grew up with all sisters and that he remembers his older sister Charlie and her face when she’d told his parents, at the age of sixteen, that she was-

And Oh, ohhhh, you hadn’t drank. Or touched your food-

“You’re pregnant” it doesn’t feel real to him as he says it, as his lips gram the words he can’t really feel himself speak them.

You gasp softly- your big eyes locked with his for a moment where everything goes still around the two of you, and then you nod.

It’s like he had peered straight into your soul anyway. Like he already knew.

“Yeah, I am. Nine weeks- well almost ten now, I guess”

“Oh...oh fuck” Bucky breathes out, a long exhale because he’d been holding his breath and oh shit- he hasn’t had a panic attack in years but this sure feels like what the start one.

“Bucky?”

“It’s mine?” He knows it’s an asshole question, but he grits it out anyway because he has to be sure of what he already knows.

“Yeah, it is. I haven’t been with anyone since we were together” It’s the truth, and he knows because you have a big fat unfiltered mouth that you hadn’t been with anyone for months before him.

“Five months?” You remember him breathing into your neck “Fuck, doll, how? No way”

“Mmhmm” you’d hummed as he’d kissed down your chest “I’m not a whore like you- I can go a few months without sex with out my genitals shriveling up and my brain short circuiting”

He’d laughed around a mouthful of breast.

And now you were pregnant. With his baby.

He gapes like a fucking fish as he tries to digest it all.

“I’m going to keep it, Bucky. And that doesn’t mean I expect you, or am going to force you to be in they’re life but I just...I don’t know I thought i should tell you? And not because I felt obligated to or anything...I mean kind of, but because you’re a good person and I wanted you to know” You’re rambling, yeah, but you’re saying your peace.

“You’re ten weeks?” Bucky questions, breaking you out of your ramblings and you nod, a little confused.

“Yeah, it’s the size of a Cherry right now...trippy, right?”

Bucky barks out a laugh, still in that headspace where he though he might wake up at any given moment.

“A cherry. Oh my god. Holy fuck- you’re pregnant” Bucky exasperates and then puts his hands on his face, trying to calm down. Trying to get a grip on himself.

He knows you. Knows that you’re not lying about it being his, why would you? And there’s a baby inside you, right this moment. One that he’d put there- that the two of you had created together.

“Yup. Super fucking pregnant- a doctor confirmed it and everything” You try to lighten the mood a little, just like you always do.

“Really?”

“Yeah...here, look” you dog through your handbag for a moment and then pull out a laminated picture and reach across the table to hand it to him.

When Bucky takes his first look at it, his heart squeezes and his breath gets stuck in his throat again.

It’s the ultrasound picture. Black and white, unidentifiable shapes- but his eyes zero in on the little blob in the darkness. The baby.

His baby.

His heart clenches again.

“There it is” you point out what he’s looking out with a manicured finger “that’s the baby. I know it all looks like an obscure Picasso painting or something but that’s it” you kind of hate calling your baby an it, but you don’t know what else to call...them, yet.

“A cherry” Bucky whispers, asks.

“Yeah, like-“ you make that annoying, internet famous, 6 shape, with your hand and put it up to your eye to look through it “this big”

Bucky chuckles. You’re so dumb. And so special, for being able to make such a tense situation feel...lighter.

“I’m going to want to be in this baby’s life, you know that, right?” Yeah, he doesn’t know how he feels about all of this yet. He still thinks this might be some kind of fever dream- that maybe he died from that flu he had last week, but he’d been raised right by his mom and pop.

Was he a bit slutty? Yeah, he guesses he’d own that(argue that he only acted on how he was pursued)

Could he be a little bit of an arrogant prick? You, and plenty of other people had told him that plenty in his life and yeah, he’d own that one too.

But he’d never, could never, leave you alone to raise this child. Not with how he felt about you- and shit, even if he wasn’t harboring these feelings could he ever just leave a woman who he’d gotten pregnant completely alone.

“Don’t make promises in the heat of the moment, I’m not expecting-“

“Me to want to be a father to my child” he doesn’t snap, per say, but he knows you can hear how offended he is. It makes you bite the inside of your lip.

“I don’t know. I just don’t...want you to feel like you have to say things you don’t mean because I’m sitting in front of you right now. Like? You might feel different later, you know?”

Bucky instantly feels bad for snapping at you. You’d been sitting on this, thinking you might have to do this alone…

Bucky looks back at the ultrasound picture and his stomach rolls at the idea of you doing this alone. Of him missing this first milestone of your pregnancy. Of his child’s life.

His child.

He’d woken up this morning, single, uncomplicated and now...he knew there was a baby that was half him inside of you.

He should have had that stronger drink.

“I’m going to be there for this baby, and for you. I don’t know what that looks like yet and I can’t promise I’ll be great at it, but I’m going to be here” his voice gets soft and passionate and fuck, the way he’s looking at you, vowing this to you…

It’s almost more than you can handle.

“Okay...I’m game” you say, and he snorts and nods.

He doesn’t know what’s going to happen, if he’ll be a good dad or not. There’s so many unknowns swirling around his head, clogging his brain-

But he knows he’s not going anywhere.

“We’re going to have a baby” He says it, and this time it feels a little more real as it comes out of his mouth. “Holy fuck I’m going to be a dad”

“Um, congratulations” The waiter chooses that time to come back to the table, and the kid who can’t be more then eighteen looks a little awkward at intruding “Do you want a celebratory piece of cake?”

“You know what? Yeah we do- and please, make sure there’s a cherry on top”

He grins too big when he asks for a cherry and you know he’s needs it as a visual comparison to the size of the baby inside you. Bucky is so obnoxious.

He’s also beautiful- in the restaurants low light. All teeth and bright blue eyes- his brows still pulled together and his expression a little overwhelmed, but not mad. Not disgusted or cold like you’d feared.

You can almost here both Wanda and MJ’s “told you so’s” now.

You can’t help but share in his contagious smile- the nerves that had players you aren’t completely gone, not by a long shot.

But...you and Bucky Barnes were going to have a baby.

You could only hope that the two of you didn’t fuck it up too bad. 

@peacefulwriter88 @jaamesbbarnes @jalapenobarnes @gifsbysimplysonia @brieannakeogh @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @lostinspace33 @4theluvofall @tatathekissypotato @siren-kitten-his @skishenanigans @geekyweed @spidey-babe-parker @lastfallenstar @rachelle-on-the-run @prettybubblesintheair @dani-si @hufflepuff-always-forever @morganhoran1671 @imdiegohargreeves @nikolett3 @miss-mcbotty @nerdgirljen @readingsubtitles @sgtbookybarnes @prussiangilbert @tiredofsatansbullshit @bitchwhytho @mishameadows @heartbeats-wildly @10kindsofderp @xodearling @notyourtypcalrose @rachelle-on-the-run

The taglist for this story is still OPEN. If you would like to be tagged, please be aware that I will be expecting feedback, and will not take the time to tag you again if you don’t give any- I will update with the next chapter once this chapter reaches 100 notes.

Okayyy, so here’s part two. It might be a little cheesy, but I really want this story to be more fluff then angst, okay?! Which let me say is not easy for me because lately I’ve been one angsty bitch.

So I decided that I wanted to play with more MCU characters then I normally do, do something different- and that’s how I came up with the idea that the readers little sister is MJ(Michelle Jones) from Spider-Man. I love Zendaya- and since I’m usually writing a mixed race reader- she fits as a sibling.

Just for heads up, a little spoiler for the next chapters, I will also be having the Van Dynes be in her family tree. Hope is her cousin.

I’m really just trying to have fun writing for Marvel again. Hope you guys are having fun reading this.

[sakurabunnie]

Apprentice questionnaire from mommydragon but sideblogs suck at communication – Lets throw a bunch on Maxwell!!!!! (u brought this on yourself! there were just too many stuff im curious about and stuff I missed… tried to select tho..) 4, 14, 15, 20, 22, 28, 32, 36, 44, 45, 47, 49, 50, 52, 57, 66, 68, 71, 74, 75, 80, 81, 82, 86, 87, 88, 90, 93 (you don’t HAVE to answer all, feel free to select, id love to see any or all of these :3)

For Maxwell:

4. How old are they?

Maxwell is 28 at the time of the Conclave and 31 during Trespasser.

14. What kind of magic are they good at?

Maxwell can use most magic save for blood magic which he refuses to use. The schools of magic he uses most though are elemental (specializing in lightning), healing, rift magic, and Knight Enchanter magic.

15. What kind of magic are they bad at? 

That would have to be glyph magic because he never seems to get them right. Also probably blood magic because he doesn’t know or want to know how to use it, not to mention he doesn’t really like to hurt people.

20. How do they handle those headaches/migraines? 

He’d probably take a healing potion or rub healing magic into his forehead and if he has the chance lie down for a nap. Otherwise, he tries to continue whatever he’s doing.

22. Where were they born?

In Ostwick at the Trevelyan family estate.

28. Do they have any siblings? If the answer is yes how many?

Maxwell has two older siblings named Vincent and Marcus. Vincent is the eldest and is five years older than Maxwell and Marcus is only two years older.

32. Do they have any allergies?

Other than the Chantry and Templars’ b.s.? Nope, Maxwell is very lucky to have no allergies that he knows of.

36. Favorite rock or gemstone?

His favorite stone would be amethyst.

37. Favorite tree?

Either oak trees or willow trees (especially when they bloom).

(Misread the numbers so you get an extra one. XD)

44. After a stressful day how do they relax?

Probably by taking a long warm bubble bath, gardening, drawing in his sketchbook, playing with his pets, tinkering with one of his staffs, reading, or spending time with his lover(s).

45. Guilty pleasures?

Reading really cheesy and terrible erotica novels and stuffing himself on chocolate cake.

47. How do they act when they first meet someone new? How quickly do they warm up to them?

He’s still his friendly, charming, joking self but he refrains from touching people as much as his friends until he knows they are okay with it. Also, it really depends on the kind of person and if they kinda click or not with how quickly he warms up to them but generally he’s pretty warm with everyone.

49. List four or more things they love to do

Garden

Play card games with friends

Sketch new things and places he sees

Play pranks with Sera

Create new staff designs and make them

50. List four or more things they hate to do 

Listen to the Chant of Light

Play the Orlesian Game

Do his laundry

Get left behind in Kirkwall while Dorian goes off to Tevinter without him

Deal with most nobles

52. How do they react to (both verbal and physical) conflict?

If it’s between other people, he tries to find a way to stop it and settle the conflict. If it’s between someone and himself he usually keeps cool and deals with it with jokes if it’s verbal, and if it’s physical he’ll defend himself and force the person to stop, unless it’s a battle in which case he’ll do what he has to (like killing them if he’s forced to.) Now if the verbal or physical conflict involves the Chantry or Templars he will lose his cool and get pretty pissed. Those fights are always a lot bigger and more serious with him.

57. How do they interact with people in a position of authority? 

Depends on if he thinks they are people deserving of their authority or not. If he does he treats them with courtesy and respect and if he doesn’t he disrespects them and sometimes gives snide and/or cutting remarks that may or may not be obvious.

66. How do they express affection?

With friends, family, and lovers he mostly expresses his affection with touch. He holds hands, puts his arms around them, kisses them, hugs them, squeezes an arm or hand, ruffles hair, etc. He also expresses his affection verbally by telling them, and by doing nice things for them to make them happy.

68. Do they like spicy food?

As long as it’s not waaaay too hot he does.

71. Do they drink alcohol? If they do, what do they act like when their drunk?

Yeah, he does but not too much because he’s a complete light-weight and passes out after only a few. He mostly likes ale, mead, spiced wine, and alcoholic ciders and teas. At first, he gets a slight flush and is looser and is happy and laughing drunk but after one or two more he passes out and is dead to the world.

74. Is there anything they eat that most people would find unappealing?

Nope, he eats rather typical food that everyone eats.

75. When going on the road what food could they not live without? 

Well, nothing really. He’s learned to eat what he has too out of necessity. He didn’t really live a privileged life up until Inquisition.

80. What would their favorite modern invention be?

He’d probably love video games and movies. That or the internet.

81. In a new unfamiliar place what do they do?

He likes to explore the new place and sketch things that really catch his interest.

82. Someone just threatened them what do they do?

Depends on how serious it is. If the person is not really a threat he’d laugh it off but if they are he’d deal with it and make sure they can’t carry out the threat. Oh boy, if they threaten his loved ones though they’d be in for a world of trouble!

86. Someone just stole food from them what do they do? 

Depends on who stole it, why, and what the food was. XD

Usually, if they need it or its a friend he doesn’t mind too much unless it’s his dessert and then he’d get pretty pissy about it. They better watch out or there will be some pranks pulled on them in the future.

87. They meet a man at a crossroads. The man says they can have everything they’ve ever wanted. What happens next? 

He might ask for more information to find out what the heck the guy is talking about but he’d be very careful because this dude sounds exactly like a demon.

88. As a child what would they say they wanted to be as an adult?  ie. When I grow up I’m going to _______

He wanted to be a warrior like an Ash Warrior so he could have a mabari.

90. What is the stupidest thing they’ve ever done? 

Either the time he tried to cross a freezing river with fade step (he didn’t make it) or accidentally stepping on his own glyph during battle and blowing himself up.

93. Are they good at hand to hand combat? 

He’s not the best but he knows enough to hold his own when he loses his staff and or magic.

Thanks so much for asking! (｡>ω･｡)ﾉ♡

Apprentice Questionnaire

[lostfangdrive]

1 to 40.

Okay first off, who the fucking hell sent me all fourty questions. For the love of–ugh okay I’m stopping now. 

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

I don’t just have one fave tho. I have lots and well I generally have good vibes and feelings towards them? There that’s my answer. 

2: Talk about your first kiss.

Ugh well this goes into the story about my ex/esbestfriend and shit. I’ve mentioned it selectively here? Anyway, uh yeah high school. Both of us naive and stupid and well we kissed one night. I’d gone on vacation with her to Virginia and stuff so yeah. I try to block out those times so I don’t remember a lot of the details. 

3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

I wouldn’t say I’ve had that feeling yet? Even when I was with my ex, I never felt intensely romantic about it. So, hopefully one day I’ll get that feeling with someone. 

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

Not having a better kind of job? Does that count? I dun like to dwell on regrets too much. 

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

I liked my 16th cause a lot of my buds from high school got to come and stuff. Most of my birthdays now are good too, it’s just I know in my head I’m another year older? And I don’t look it but I feel o l d. 

6: Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

Any from when I was a chubby child at my grandparents pool. Ugh those pictures…

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

I’m introverted, shy, and overall I don’t have confidence about myself a lot? Like I can put on an act at work most of the time but, still. I’ve never been a confident kind of person though. 

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.

Some of these are very vague. But, okay. Um, I’m proud to be my photo lovin’ and cosplaying self? I dunno. 

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

My hair, I used to hate it. Mostly cause being a small redhead child sucks going through elementary and middle school. I love my hair now? But yeah took a while I suppose. 

10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

What kind of fight? Uhhhh…I’ve never been in a physical fight. Even though I do threaten to punch and kick people a lot. 

Fighting customers at the store about coupons? That’s like all the time. Or about other things cause they wanna bitch for some reason. I can’t really think of anything else…

11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

I dun remember my dreams anymore, really. I know you can like write them down when you first get up but I’m too lazy. As a kid I’d remember them though.

12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

As a kid I would have this recurring dream about running around the track for gym or something weird? There was something in the dream going on other than that causing me to wake up scared a lot. I was young so it could have been for multiple reasons.   

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

I haven’t…done it…and well I’m kinda’ scared to get that physical with someone actually. Like I want to be with someone but I dunno.

14: Talk about a vacation.

I just went on one last month? Mountains, fun stuff. Or well supposed to be. I was missin my dog and well I just didn’t have a great time. No particular reason, but yeah. Food was good, ate too much. 

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

When my dog was alive and well for one thing. But other than that, I dun really know…sorry.

16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

I go to a lot of family parties? Dunno if those count. But there was this one new years where I was with my cousins, videoing them all drunk off their asses. They’d found these stray cats outside and were cuddling them, kinda’ funny.

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

I typically like to get to know and befriend those I roleplay with on my other blogs. Especially if we have one or more threads or our muses just interact a lot. 

But I’d like to be friends with lots of people, but as I mentioned I’m introverted and shy so that doesn’t always go my way.

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

…I got picked on cause of my hair?

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

Like I said previously, that. Also I threw up on a important test once and no one ever stopped talking about it. So that was just…great.

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.

I met a lot of my friends? Some I’m still friends with today. 

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

…This wasn’t but last year. Anyway, there was this guy I’d gotten to know better after going to AWA. He rooms with another friend of mine. Well he apparently liked me or so he said but I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or what when he said anything to me. Basically, turned out he didn’t have a lot of time to go on a date or even just hang. Also, I really couldn’t think of him as anything but a friend? So yeah I kinda had to turn him down…

22: Talk about your worst fear.

Bugs? Bugs. Bugs.

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.

So like I said up a bit, the guy I turned down is rommies with another friend of mine. We went to high school together and stuff and well one time i idiotically told him I liked him or I had thought I did. But basically nothing happened so yeah that’s getting turned down.

When I first started at my work there was this other bagger (at the time I was still bagging). I liked him, but every time I suggested hanging out outside the store he kinda blew me off so yeah that too. 

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

When I get compliments on my cosplays? That work?

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

*laughs sarcastically* I don’t have good opinions of her now so I’d rather not say. She’s mentioned up top on this thing. 

26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

Sleep, tv, laze around, not eat well, take meds when I can. If its my sinuses I sometimes have to suffer though it. I get a lot of sinus infections cause of my sucky allergies. 

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

…I don’t have an answer for this really.

28: Talk about your fetishes.

Again, don’t really know.

29: Talk about what turns you on.

I like people that I get to know well, does that count? I mean I see things and I’m like yes that gets me, but then I never exactly remember all what they are? If I see it and I like it there. 

30: Talk about what turns you off.

Smoking and or drugs. 

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

Well, my dog die this year. I’m still not managing well really, don’t know if I ever will. But anyway. A release? Like in my dog’s case she was in pain and it got to the point where we couldn’t do more for her and also she was ready? Like I could tell. So yeah kinda like a release. But still lonely a bit I think. 

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

My aunt used to have this house we’d have a lot of Christmases at, but something happened and they had to move out. The land around all those houses got bought or something. It was always nice over there and honestly it was the best place she and her family ever lived.  

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

Cry or hold in tears till I’m somewhere safely hidden to cry. I’m a very negative and angsty person so I give off a sad vibe a lot. 

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

Breaking my foot also leg cramps.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

Buying too much stuff off etsy? Even though I love doing that…and don’t need the stuff.

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.

Well, okay. Anime/video games, books, movies/tv shows, photography, cosplay. 

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

Well the ex. At the time I was young but I realize now it never was love at all. It was simply something that shouldn’t of happened…we still would have drifted apart I think as friends. 

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

@thathipsteremperor hey mickey cause of this thing they always send to my mikleo muse and then at work what to they play on the radio? hey mickey.

@seikkun bad romance and sinead cause of our muses. 

@fluttersheep any ghost songs honestly cause they are the reason i like the music now

39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

Not to buy useless junk at some of the early cons I went to. It’s late I’m tired and can’t come up with any better logical answers. 

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

Okay the ex thing again. But, uh, it got to the point someone else was asking them out and we had to hide our thing we had going on. She outright asked me if she could date him? and well yeah that basically ended it along with a nasty phone call. 

[sanny-chan5]

Getting to know me :D

1. What is you middle name? I don’t have one. I think this question is thought for American people, because almost all of them have one, right? 2. How old are you? 23. 3. When is your birthday? March 2. 4. What is your zodiac sign? Piscis <3 5. What is your favorite color? Sweet, light pink 💗 6. What’s your lucky number? 13, surprisingly, but not my fav one. 7. Do you have any pets? No. 8. Where are you from? Spain. 9. How tall are you? 1’56-7 m. 10. What shoe size are you? Ummm, it depends on the shoes, but 37-8 normally. 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? About 10 or so. 12. What was your last dream about? Me peacefully talking with a kid while he draws in class. 13. What talents do you have? I think I can read people’s feelings and reflect about human’s condition pretty well. I can also draw in manga style (not a pro, though, but I love it). 14. Are you psychic in any way? Yes LOL. 15. Favorite song? “Stay the Same”, by Mai-K <3 16. Favorite movie? This one is difficult af, I don’t think I have one yet. 17. Who would be your ideal partner? WOW. Like… idk??? Someone really dreamy and encouraging. Empathetic, I don’t ask for him to understand me, but VALIDATING me/my values/ideals is a must. 18. Do you want children? Yes :) 19. Do you want a church wedding? No… I prefer a “castle” wedding. I’m very romantic in that aspect and, well, dreaming is free :’) 20. Are you religious? Not really… but I’m very spiritual/intrinsec and I respect everyone’s religious believings as long as they’re not dangerous for someone else. 21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes. Not like hospitalized, but I have been there. 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Never, not really planning to. 23. Have you ever met any celebrities? If a voice actor of my country ora n idol counts, yes :’) 24. Baths or showers? Baths, so relaxing <3 25. What color socks are you wearing? A brownish-pink colour J 26. Have you ever been famous? No, not that I’m planning to. 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? NO. 28. What type of music do you like? Many different kinds, but pop and j-pop anime songs are my favourite and what I listen to daily. 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Umm, nope. 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? A big one <3 (so comfy >-<) 31. What position do you usually sleep in? Either cudlle up like a burrito roll or spread up lol. 32. How big is your house? Not so much. We had a BIG chalet before but lost it because of the crisis. Now my family and I live in an ordinary, cutely little, flat <3. 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Cola-cao with cereals/toasts with butter and jam. Ñaaam 😋 34. Have you ever fired a gun? NO. Again, not that I want to… 35. Have you ever tried archery? No, but I’d like to try it al least once. I’d probably suck at it though 😂 36. Favorite clean word? Mm… don’t know D: Probably a cute japanese one ‘cause otaku life (2 dedos). 37. Favorite swear word? Whoa, I don’t think I should answer this xD 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? A whole night, and I don’t recomend anyone, honestly. 39. Do you have any scars? A tiiiiny one on my knee, but nothing serious as to name it “scar”, I guess (children’s playful life c:) 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Uumm… I don’t know, maybe? I had a guy who told me he had been trying to find me for 6 years after I moved the first time, but hat only got me scared, so… xD 41. Are you a good liar? NO. OMG no x’DD But I treasure that about me, you freaking dirty society :c 42. Are you a good judge of character? YES. Usually I am. 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? I suppose, but I don’t know if I imitate them well or not though ^^’ Sorry for that u.u 44. Do you have a strong accent? No. Not that I think. 45. What is your favorite accent? Uffff. In my country there are so many accents I like. The Andalusian one, the one of Extremadura… xD don’t know if those count. 46. What is your personality type? Type, like, in MBTI? INFP 💙🧡💚💗💖 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? Umm, I don’t remember… 48. Can you curl your tongue? I think I can’t xD 49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie xD I don’t get why, but I feel awkward about this x’DD 50. Left or right handed? Right-handed. 51. Are you scared of spiders? YES. Any insect really. 52. Favorite food? Don’t have ONE, but my favourite ones are “mixed” food (sorry, I don’t know how to name them, but I refer to foods made with a great amount of ingredients: paella, Spain stew, Russian salad, rice with lobster or Chinish fried rice) I’m seriously getting hungry now x). 53. Favorite foreign food? CHINESE FRIED RICE (“Arroz 3 delicias” in spanich, if you know what I mean :’)) 54. Are you a clean or messy person? Cleanly messy?. I can find anything in my own mess and I feel good about it. Though I can’t stand other people’s mess, I guess I just feel control over my mess (?). 55. Most used phrased? I don’t know really D’: “How can this be so cute?!!”? 56. Most used word? Kawaii. I love all fluffy, cute characters, persons, animals, objects, moments or whatever thing it is. Sorry, not sorry. 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 30-40 min. normally. 58. Do you have much of an ego? Not an arrogant ego, but I totally respect everyone’s honour because I hate feeling humiliated. And I have a say in that… 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Suck them then bite them? 60. Do you talk to yourself? YES. Sorry not sorry. It helps organazing your mind. 61. Do you sing to yourself? ALSO YES. I sing every single of the day, practically xD I’m usually at home, listening to music in my PC.

62. Are you a good singer? As I said, I enjoy it, but I don’t sing well, so I’m not doing this publicly if it’s not with people I trust, and even then...

63. Biggest Fear? To die alone not prepared for it as I realice I didn’t live my way. And to be constantly critized by society. Why can’t I live my life freely?! 64. Are you a gossip? I hate it but like the 80% of my whole family is. So many times it’s very difficult not to be. I hate criticisms and don’t feel well recieving so I don’t want to be like this. I’m working about it now :c 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? Mmm… don’t remember L 66. Do you like long or short hair? Both. I have it shoulder-leight right now :D 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? No xD Not good with geography… if it’s Japan, then… 😝 68. Favorite school subject? Music/art. I enjoyed Language too. But my favourite ever was PHILSOPHY. 69. Extrovert or Introvert? Introvert. INFP, remember? ^^ 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? No, but I’d love it too! :D I’m afraid of sharks, though, not sure if that’s actually a problem… (think) 71. What makes you nervous? SO. MANY. THINGS. I’m a little too much shy, so formalities/awkward social situations are the worst… terror and scary things, not feeling confident… normal things, I guess. It’s pretty easy to make me jump out of fright LOL 72. Are you scared of the dark? Only if I’m alone and not feeling well. 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Yes… sorry about that :c I like being corrected if I need to, though, so feel free to tell me so that I can improve myself J 74. Are you ticklish? OMG. I don’t want to answer this xD Yes, but it’s embarrasing. Shhh… >-< 75. Have you ever started a rumor? No. I’ve never thought about it, but they usually turn bad/worse, o… I don’t feel like hurting someone else’s feelings just ‘cause I can, thank you very much. 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? Yes, as a Preschool Teacher on practics, only J Though I’m not good with authority stuff xD 77. Have you ever drank underage? NO. Still don’t, and I don’t plan to, at least for the moment. 78. Have you ever done drugs? NO. Same as before. 79. Who was your first real crush? A high-school classmate. I’ve not fallen in love since then, btw. 80. How many piercings do you have? None. 81. Can you roll your Rs? Yes, I’m Spanish, so I’ll think of this as if I’m good with other languages’ diction. Yes, I am  x) 82. How fast can you type? I guess fast enough? 83. How fast can you run? Not much, I guess. Never good with P.E. :’) 84. What color is your hair? Brown. 85. What color is your eyes? Greenish brown (?) 86. What are you allergic to? I don’t know, I never did the allergy tests because our Sanity is so good  they never gave me an appointment ot it even if my family asked for it :’) 87. Do you keep a journal? No, but I’d like to. 88. What do your parents do? Jobs? My father’s tiler (?) and my mother “works at home” (I don’t like the “housewife” term). 89. Do you like your age? I… guess? I have had quite a number of existencial crsis already, but I want to enjoy the present and work on as many projects I can in life, so… 90. What makes you angry? MANY THINGS ABOUT THIS WORLD. Ass/arrogant people, cruelty, society giving pressure to our individual needs, … 91. Do you like your own name? Yes J It’s an ordinary one, but not that ordinary, and it’s kinda “beautiful”, I think (?) (like, it sounds good and I like it written too. There are words I just like, and there are researchs about synesthetic people, if you wanna try a look). 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? YES. For a girl, it’ll be Sakura or Hikari. If it’s a boy, I don’t know yet, but might be something related to Luffy, as the name of an Spanish youtuber (Lutffi, and yes he’s aware of the character, and no it wasn’t on purpose lol). I’m a weeb, aren’t I? Sorry ‘bout that >o< 93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I don’t  know. I always wanted a girl, but now I’m starting to like the idea of a couple like siblings… 94. What are you strengths? Emm. I think I have great empathy, are good with psycological aspects and very flexible/open-minded. I like to try new things. 95. What are your weaknesses?Pysic aspects, not good with formalities and kinda socially awkward… I’m not a good at organizing (but I’m getting better) nor with  routines… 96. How did you get your name? My mother named me? xD 97. Were your ancestors royalty? No, I don’t think so xD. And NO, I don’t want to :( 98. Do you have any scars? What? Again? It’s a mistake, right? :o 99. Color of your bedspread? Many bright colors xD (light, not “shiny” though) 100. Color of your room? Purple and light pink.

PD: Sorry, I’m not really an interesting peroson, but I can’t help sharing this tests, I love doing them x)

[iraniq]

Time

Warning: right in the feels! I am serious!

I was yet again drifting through my great grandma’s childhood pictures. There was this one … she must have been like 5 or 6. In a park, and on the far right bench there was man sitting. As a child I used to joke I was gonna marry him, although I had no idea who he was, nor does my great grandma … just some random person forever caught on this photo.

But today was the day … I am gonna be 25 this year – the end of the month. A while ago my dad make his time travel machine work. It was his passion since forever… but he never used it for longer than one “jump” back in time, one precious jumped, that saved us all, but he feared this will ruin something … like the time line, space continuum and shit like this … If it was even possible, he won’t be able to build it at first place!

I was gonna secretly use it to go back in time and meet this person. I can go only 3 times – that’s the amount of “jumps” a body can handle. At least 7 days time between travel. The first one will be at the park when my grandma was a child, to ask who he is, and stuff … after this I was gonna go earlier… to find him. Because on this photo he was obviously old already.

First “jump” – 10. 11. 2061

-        Here we go. - I set the date - month - year - location - perfect time. I left the picture on the stand next to the machine. - Let’s ride!

I “woke up” sitting on a bench … nearby. I walked in the park. I knew the place as I knew the back of my hand. I have seen million of pictures of it! I saw my great granny running around, or it is to say the 5-year old version of her. Future technology have the opportunity to extend life, and later to load the mind in an android body, so she was still … present. Not that all the people if 21-st century liked it!

And there I saw him. Alone on the bench with a book, looking in the nowhere. I rushed and stopped in front of him. His gaze stopped at me. Looking, he smiled, I must have been red as a potato.

-        I am sorry, but I know you form somewhere -        I doubt that, Love. – he smiled, his bright blue eyes, got darker. -        No, I am sure ... – I insisted and sat next to him. I “appeared” after the photo, so it was ok to sit there. – My … grandma… I am sure I saw you on some of her pictures. Were you classmates?

He looked down. Then at me again. Smiling lightly. He was indeed older than he looked, his eyes gave him away, so much sorrow. Suddenly he lighten up.

-        Maybe in college? Where does your grandma took the picture? -        Am … - I looked at my “grandma” playing in the sand. – In a park. – I smiled. -        There wasn’t much parks in Louisiana back then. – he chuckled. -        Really? -        Yeah … back in the 90’s … were you … - he looked at me and smiled. You were not born back then. - He laughed, and fixed his hair. Was he nervous? - Maybe in the Art University … when I was studying art? -        I have no idea… - I shrugged. How am I supposed to ask him stuff for when he was young without being suspicious. – When was this exactly … -        Oh, that’s a tough one! – he laughed. - I barely remembered what I ate last night.

He then looked at me warmly and got silent for a while. He got his book, there was a piece of paper inside, a drawing maybe … After some awkward silence he told me for this one time in school. A funny story. But this was exactly what I needed. Date, month, year, time! We talked for a while more. I excused myself for bothering him, but he just waved and smiled.

-        I am sorry if I disturbed you. Were waiting someone? -        I am not anymore.

Poor man, he looked so sad. How can someone as beautiful as him, be so sad? He was in his 50’s maybe. But was still ravishing. It was obvious for everyone. The young and even the elderly women had hard time looking away from him, and he was just sitting there, alone … in sadness.

Every trip had it’s time length! The first one was 24 hours. The second 12, and the last 6! I had like 23 hours to walk around and get familiar with the surroundings. After my time was out I was gonna go back. I had this liquid crystals I had to drink before “jumping” otherwise I was gonna stuck in time. And I didn’t want to live in the boring past, as I have such amazing plans for my future!

My time was up! I was brought back in, with horrible migraine, and a will to die. It took me 2 days to get better. After this I planned my trip back. I chose some clothes, so I can properly fit in and prepared myself again.

Second “jump” – 17. 11. 2061

Date – Month – Year – Location – Time

It was right after the funny prank he and his friend pulled on another classmate of theirs; they were supposed to be in the school cafeteria.

I entered the place. It was full of loud young people. I sat at the bar and looked around. After 10 min I managed to locate him … there he was. In his full glory! A young boy, in the beginning of his adulthood. He was maybe 19, or so. Definitely a “player”, that’s how my granny used to call boys who dated girls for sport.

I smiled at him. And he looked away. But just for a second, as he kept staring at me. 

After 10 more minutes he sat next to me.

-        Hi! – he was chewing on some meat. Gross, people back then used to eat meat. -        Hi … -        You are new! -        Is it this obvious? – I pull some hair away of my face. -        Yeah, you look innocent, and here is full of two faced people, come on! – he took my hand and walked towards the exit. -        What about your friends? -        They are lame! Wanna hear about the prank we just made? -        Yeah … -        So, there was this super rude boy, like … having fun on girls, you know … and we, like … am … - he scratch the back of his neck, looking for words. – We … -        Prank him? -        No, yes … We, slipped some mud all over his new suite. And today are the album photos. -        Aw … nice, I guess. -        Yeah, I’ll probably be expended from school again, but who cares. It sucks anyway. - He got out a cigarette. Oh no! I’ve seen this in an old healthy file. – Want some? -        No, thank you! – he looked disappointed.

My stomach growled – side effect of “jumping”

-        Hungry? -        Yeah … where can I eat for 5? – even with my dad being top scientist, this is the only thing I managed to find, as a money from the ancient times. -        It’s ok, I’ll buy you something. -        No, I have money! -        Shush, don’t yell, someone may rob you.

Oh, crimes, so sweet. We haven’t had crimes in 55 years!

-        Ok … -        Come on! - he turned left into a small street. - This guy there owns me a favor. 

We stopped in front of a “hot dog” place. Odd, I have no idea what this is. He bought two of these, he got extra stuff on it. And gave me one.

-        Ugh … - I spit it out – it tastes like shit. -        Yeah I know … I am considering going vegan. -        What’s stopping you? -        It’s expansive to leave a healthy life, and money … don’t exactly grow on trees around here. -        So … - I kept on eating, it was going to be extremely rude to throw the food away. – tell me something about you? He just laughed. -        Come on, you bought me food! -        The name’s Jared. – he looked questioning. That was the moment when I was supposed to say mine. -        Ava. -        Pretty name!

He kept eating and staring at me.

-        Wanna go for a ride? -        Ha?

He dragged me to his car. A Car! I always wanted to try one as a child but thy weren’t safe enough.

-        Is this save enough? -        Yeah … yeah! Why?

-        Just asking? -        Are you from Europe, you people are nuts. – he laughed. The most adorable laughter ever!

We drove around the city, talking laughing. He was indeed amazing. His pretty features. His smile, his eyes … I could drown into them. He shared his dreams with me – he wanted to be an artist, paintings music … why not acting. Anything that will allow him to express his free will and also himself. Anything that will inspire people to be strong as his mother was when him and his brother were children, and she saved them. Such pretty visons and dreams. He wasn’t very good at words, not that he was stupid, just … not very experienced in talking with people.

He drove me to a woods on a cliff a little bit out of the city to watch the sunset. It was amazing view. Since we put a shield to guard us form the sun radiation, there was no color in the sky. But there were no skin deceases and allergies, also cancer was gone. So colors were ok to sacrifice.

-        What about you? – he was driving back to the city, it was night already. -        What about me? -        Hey … don’t be like this? -        Like what? -        Like … you know! Tell me about you? A mysterious girl, you just appear form nowhere, like … alien! -        Ha! – I laughed, he was so right – Well … I … I wanna help my dad, he is a scientist. He … is having this project, I am kinda helping him, and if it worked, he will help a lot of people. -        Really? That’s cool … what’s the project? -        I can’t tell you. -        Come on! You can tell me anything! I won’t tell, I promise. -        I can’t, I am sorry. – it’s a cure for death - nano cells in human bodies, so we can live forever. -        No, it’s ok. It’s personal, I get it. – he turned the radio on. -        It’s … health project. -        Like …. Hospital health. -        Yes. -        Cool, I hope he will succeed. -        Yeah, me too. -        Oh man, this song is amazing. – he turned the volume on. The quality of the music was below horrible, but he enjoyed it. Singing along. It was about dreaming … more than a feeling?

He stopped the car in front of a small house.

-        I get you have no where to stay. -        Is this where you live?

He looked at his feet laughing.

-        Don’t worry I won’t hurt you or something. I came here to work sometimes, so I have the key for the house.

-        Isn’t this a …

-        What ... we won’t steal anything. Besides that I know how bad is to have no place to stay. Just for tonight I promise.

We got in. It was cozy and clean. He made some popcorn and we watched TV. So many radiation from these machines, and they had no idea. He didn’t said a word, just put his hand on mine, and kept it like this. No words, no … nothing, just gently rubbing his fingers in mine. His skin was so soft. At some point the TV changed color and stopped working with loud sound. We burst in laughing … and then he kissed me. Kissing is weird. It looked cool on the old movies, but in real isn’t that nice. It’s … wet, and awkward. I pulled back not knowing what to do. We don’t kiss anymore in my time. Everyone have their own “immortality juice” so no kisses were allowed.

-        Sorry … - he licked his lips – I didn’t … -        No, it’s fine … -        You … like … you haven’t been kissed before? -        No! – I laughed. -        Wanna try again?

With this smile of his there was no way any power on Earth to stop me from agreeing. He kissed me again. This time slower, allowing me to breath between kisses. I chuckled and he laughed. He pet my hair, and then he pulled me closer, and squeezed me in himself. At some point, the neighbor’s dogs started barking and we had to shut the lights off. We moved upstairs to find a place to sleep. We kept on talking, as he allowed himself to rub his nose in mine, or to kiss my neck, depends on how we were lying. We fell asleep.

I woke up in the basement. My 12 hours were finished.

-        Fuck! – I puked on the floor, collapsing.

I woke up again with my face buried in my own vomit. Super gross. I cleaned up everything and went to my health booth to check myself.

-        Fuck! I have to go again!

Third “jump” – 24. 11. 2061

Date – Month – Year – Location – …

I appeared at the Art University couple of months later of the moment we met. It took me 4 of 6 hours to find him. Apparently he was a real deal. I almost got beaten up, by a girl for being his “bitch”. He lived the bad boy live at full. He was grounded, for smoking weed, being drunk all the time … who was he, what happened?

-        J? – I yelled when I saw him. He was in the basement, grounded, but this doesn’t seem to stop him of drinking and smoking. -        Fuck! – he throw his cigarette at me.

-        What happened to you. -        Fuck … Ava the alien!

-        What? -        You look the same … just like 4 years ago when we met …

His gaze was blur, he was high and also drunk. Did he just said 4 years? 4 years! What have I done?

-        What the hell happened to you? What about your dreams, your ... future… -        My brother is in jail … there is no future for me … -        No … - I sat next to him. – It’s going to be fine … -        The world is falling a part Eve … -        Ava! -        Whatever, man …

His eyes were empty … he looked at me.

-        You left me! … That night. I never felt anything like this … and you just left without a note … without anything … -        I … -        I am sorry ... I was poor … I was … lame, and stupid ... -        No you weren’t … -        I wasn’t good enough … of course you left me …  I am unworthy for a pure creature like you! - he just looked away. -        No I didn’t leave you. I came back for you. -        No … - he pushed me away. – If you wanted to be back you were gonna go back the other day … you what, got lost? -        I couldn’t come earlier I am so sorry … - I almost cried. – I couldn’t … I was unable … the time … that’s are the rules! -        What? … Why? What rules? Who’s rules? On Mars! – he yelled. -        I am so … -        Sorry! After I shared my dreams with you … after … I told you how all the people in my life just left me … you did exactly the same! – he hit hard on the table. He was a gown up man already and this was scary. My 7 days were 4 years in his time. 4 years! -        Please! Let’s run away form here, it’s my birthday today! -        I know … I … remember. – he got calm. -        Please! – I got a hold on his jacket, he was a lot taller than me now. -        Ok … -        No … weird foods, please. -        I am vegan now, well since couple of months, but … -        Cool! – I smiled.

We got out through a window, at the back of the building. we settled in a park. This time I got a clock with me - 90 min. We were walking in silence, holding hands.

-        J … I wanted … -        I love you!

I gasped.

-        I really do … I am so sorry I yelled at you. We just … clicked so well together, and you listened to me … without judging … and you understood me. No complaining. Like we are made for each other …

-        J … -        Stay with me, Ava. Stay this time. I have a job, and … a place … it’s not much, but. I was looking for you, I even draw pictures of you … - he got some drawings of his pocket, and another one from his wallet, his hands were shaking. – My brother joked you were an alien, because you were nowhere to be found …

-        Why is he in jail? -        He attacked a guy, but they will release him tomorrow. I’ll go to pay the bill. I looked in awe. -        So … what you say? – eyes to drown in. -        Take me to your place!

It took us 40 min. with the public transport, we got in the rush hour. It was a small room with 2 beds and bathroom, an old oven and a little locker. He sat on one of the beds. Looking at me. These so amazing blue eyes, were now rather gray …

-        J, I …

He simply smiled.

-        I know! – he looked at his feet. -        No you don’t! -        I was your one time stand. -        No you weren’t! – I kneeled in front of him. 20 min.

He smiled again. Have you ever seen blue eyes got dark, because I did, twice.

-        No listen, I came back for you! -        Yeah … -        No, Jared, listen … I came back for you. To tell you it wasn’t just a thing back then …

He looked with eyes full of hope.

-        I came in this cafeteria … to look for you. -        But you didn’t knew me back then. -        That’s not exactly true … I knew you since I was a child. You were on a picture of my great grandmother – 15min. – I kinda met you. We met 2 weeks ago … but in the future. -        What … - he got up. - Are you nuts? Is this your excuse? -        Yes, and it’s not an excuse! I am an alien, but from the future! I got back in time! We met in LA around 2020. You were at a park near the botanic garden, my grandma was taken a picture there and you were on it, but you were old …

He tried to walk away, but I stopped him.

-        I talked to you back then, you were sitting alone on a bench – 10min. – you told me you did this prank on this boy, in the gum! – I cupped his face – you didn’t tell me this the last time. -        You could have heard it anywhere! – he got away. -        The project I am helping my dad is a cure for death, including a time machine, he went back in time and stop the science, a particular moment that happened in 2035, a plague, it killed 68% of the people.

He looked rather shocked.

-        It worked. But it was one time thing because he almost died we are not supposed to use it! And I used it without permission to come and find you! Because I love you! Don’t you get that! Time travel is a killer, and I came anyway, because you are my last piece of happiness. – 5 min. – Because I love you Jared!

He blinked in silence.

-        Where we met? - his voice was emty now. -        At the cafeteria … -        No, in the future … are you ok?

I was shaking. I was out of time.

-        Los Angeles. A park near the botanic garden! -        2020? -        Yes! -        And you will look exactly like this? -        Yes! -        Ava the alien! -        Yes … - I cried. -        I am gonna wait for you! I promise, Love …

I woke up in the chair. I cried, and cursed, and kicked and broke stuff … anything I could find. All the people used to say I looked a lot like my great grandmother, even as a child.

He kept his promise, “accidentally” giving me anything I needed so we can meet for a first time in the right moment … back in the past. Our doomed future … I can’t go back, I can’t stay here either, in my own time ... Ava the alien! I quickly took the picture. It was like 2 weeks and a lot of years ago, but I’ve never felt more alive! Color wasn’t the only thing we lost in our perfect world …

____________________

@diyunho @rhina988 @nikkitasevoli @auntiemama1 @sookieblack12 @spillinginkwithlove @cadeathens @fanalityfiction @jayded-reality @lady-grinning-soul-k @lylabell2013 @lostnorthofheaven @leto-madness @heavenlygaga @lg1130 @elliegrace139 @lovermrjoker

[seven-for-president]

RFA (+V and Saeran) and their first kiss with MC <3

I know that so many people did this already but I wanted to soooo badly >_< also in this HC let´s pretend they didn´t kiss okay?

_Yoosung_

° he invited you over for a round of LOLOL

° you were together for over a month now and it pissed you off that all you ever did was playing games ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡

° sure, you loved playing together with him but….

° all in all it felt more like a good friendship than a romantic relationship

° and you didn´t like that （；¬＿¬)

° so you made up a plan and today would be the day

° the day of your first kiss with your boyfreind Yoosung

° that meant you had to be extra pretty tonight o(^▽^)o

° when he opened the door for you he was shocked

° but of course in a good way XD

° “Woah, MC you look so pretty. Is something important Happening today?”

° oh you sweet, clueless boy……

° here MC´s masterplan began

° “Does that mean I´m usual not pretty?”

° yeah, it was this exact strategy

° “No you always look pretty MC!”

° “So you want to say I look as always? Yoosung you treat me as a friend and not a girlfriend. I sometimes think you don´t even love me!”

° you took acting lessons from Zen so you even managed to cry a little

° “But MC of course I love you !!! I just don´t want  to rush things.”

° now he cried too…

° “No, you don´t. You didn´t even kissed me yet.”＼| ￣ヘ￣|／

° so that was the reaseon you were so unhappy …..

° no Yooosung u serious??? what a brain..

° he never knew that you felt this way and he was ashamed

° so he did as asked, kinda….

° it was mostly crushing his nose against yours

° soooo embarassing (*ﾟｰﾟ)ゞ

° but hey, you had reached your Goal (he kissing you first) and now you kissed him

° but the right way, as often as you could <3</p>

_Jaehee_

° we don´t have to pretend much here…only that they´re together

° you were frustrated

° why woulden´t she kiss you ??

° you always brushed your teeth, didn´t look that bad and never ate garlic when you met with her..

° so why?

° you then did the last thing you could think of…..

° asking the one person who knew everything……….Seven (ﾉ^∇^)ﾉﾟ

° you spoke with him over the phone and agreed to meet up

° his house was messy as always and there were Ph. Pepper cans all over the floor ⁽(◍˃̵͈̑ᴗ˂̵͈̑)⁽

° “Hey Seven, thanks for helping me out.”

° “No Problem MC, you helped the RFA so much why shoulden´t I help you?”

° something was fishy with how he spoke but he was alwys a bit weird

° “So MC, you told me there was something you can´t tell her directly regarding your relationship.”

° you didn´t told him everything, in case Jaehee came back or was eavesdropping

° what she would never do

° “That´s right. You know I really appreciate waht she does for me and she´s alws nice and stuff but-”

° you heard something, or someone fall over and hit the floor

° your first thought was that Saeran tripped beacuse who else should be at Seven´s house?? (・_・ヾ

° but nooo, it was Jaehee ????「(°ヘ°)

° “Jaehee, what are you doing here??!”

° “Seven tolde me you wanted to talk with him about me. And I thought you were going to break up!”

° now you were confused, why would she think that?

° you loved her with all your heart so why would want to break up?

° “ Jaehee why would I want to break up?”

° “You know MC, it really sounded a bit like that..”

° thank you very much Seven

° then she kissed you, out of the blue

° “MC don´t break up with me I love you!!”

° “Jaehee, I won´t break up with you. I just wanted to ask Seven why you woulden´t kiss me. I thought you wanted to break up.”

° and then there was a super cute confessing-scene which almost landed online thanks to Seven

° but Saeran nicely convinced him otherwise… ( ° ʖ °)

_Zen_

° this one will be quick XD

° we all know he will get to the thing as soon as he can ( ° ʖ °)

° but you were a little shy regarding this matter

° since Zen´s praying that all men are beasts he understands and protects you from the beast

° but every patience comes to an end, even Zen´s

° so he worked out a masterplan, as he called it

° doing stuff a couple would do in the publich was off-limit for you

° you didn´t want for Zen to be in a scandal or hurt his carreer

° and Jaehee would probably kill you

° so it had to be at home, where no one saw what you did and you had all the privacy you wanted (ノ^∇^)

° he only could hold back so long because you agreed to move in with him

° moving in without even kissing MC??? SRLY???

° you were away Shopping and he had one of his rare free days

° meaning it was the perfect chance for him to fullfil said plan

°  when you came back home you didn´t expect to see Zen in the livingroom

° a livingroom full of roses and chocolate

° “Zen, what happend to the living room ?”

° don´t get me wrong, you loved what you saw and were really happy but you didn´t quite undertstand why he did that..

° and then you sneezed, loud and then again and again

° allergies suck, right?

° “Zen I-achoo!, really appreciate what you did but plea-achoo, please put them out I have allergies.” 

° okay, maybe his plan didn´t go that well

° he hurried and put all of the flowers away, so his last hope was the chocolate

° “I´m sorry MC, I didn´t knew that. But I also have some chocolate for you.”      (｡♥‿♥｡)

° felt bad for Zen so you took a bite

° buuuuut it had nuts in there.....

° did I mention how allergies suck?

° it ended with Zen calling the ambulance because of your allergies

° guess the masterplan wasn´t that much of a succes?

° “I´m so sorry princess. I guess you wanna break up now?”

° “No. why should I? It´s been a long time since someone did sucha nice thing for me. But why did you do that in the first place?”

° “Just forget it MC. Nothing important in the end.” sigh

° poor Zenny

° “Well, whatever, I still think your the sweetest boyfriend walking on earth.” <3

° and because the best boyfriend only deserved the best, you kissed him

° RIP Zen ( ≧Д≦)

° no, srly you almost had to call the doctor because of the bloodloss through his nose XD

° maybe the plan failed but in the end he got what he wanted now hide yourself from the beast MC

_Jumin_

° I don´t count the kiss infront of Sarah as a real couple-kiss

° so after you moved in with him permanently he still was a bit hesistant

° he already forced himself on you and didn´t want to do it again

° after all he was raised to be a gentelman XD

° you could kind of sense that but in return you didn´t want to push him and express his Feelings

° you knew it was all new and a bit difficult for him

°  but the result was that you both were Holding back for each others sake

° that means both of you were frustrated

° and when Jumin Han was frustrated he got pissed.... like really pissed

° and that means more work for poor Jaehee (⌣_⌣”)

° so she called you to ask if everything is alright betwee you two

° “MC, Mr. Han is very.... tense for a while now. Do you have any idea why that is so?”

° you did, kind of..

° “I think I have an idea why, I will talk to him today, I´m sorry if he caused you trouble.”

° you knew you had to do the second-first-step

° it shouldn´t be that hard right?

° hahaha

° this evening he came home even later than usual

° you made dinner for yuo two and played some nice music in the background

° “Hi Jumin,, Jaehee said you´re stressed lately. Is something wrong?”

° “No, what should be wrong?”

° whenever he was bound short he was stressed or annoyed

° “But you´re bringing home more work than usual these days.”

° “MC, please. I am just busier than normally. It has nothing to do with anything.”

° so he was stressed

° “Hey Juimin, I know what to do when you´re stressed and worn out.”

° he looked up, probably to hear what you had to say or say something himself

° but you were a lot quicker

° you gave him a kiss

° “MC, I think you Need to take responsibility for what you have done.”

° he got up and walked towards you, till you hit the door leading to the bedroom

° I think you can guees what happend next ( ° ʖ °)

_Saeyoung/Seven_

° after you became a couple he mostly spend his time at the Hospital with Saeran

° so no time for you :(

° but you understood, if it was your brother you´d likely do the same

° but nevertheless it hurt that he left you alone like that

° he started to build his walls again and left you out

° nooo, don´t go back there  （；へ：）

° you treid you best to help and do all the cleaning Vanderwood once did

° but it didn´t help much

° you decided it was the best to go back to your house for now

° so when Seven came back home he expected you to be on the Couch or wherever in the house

° and you were somewhere, but not somewhere in the house

° so he checked the security cameras, maybe you went Shopping?

° you did leave, but together with all of your belongings

° he panicked

° why did you leave?

° was it because he was busy with ihs brother? Because you had to clean all the time?

° but the most important question: were you planning to come back?

° who knows?

° he wanted you to come back

° being in panik-mode he did the first thing that came to his mind

° hacking into your landlord´s computer andthrowing you out of your flat

° nice ting to do Seven....

° and then, he waited

° the phone rang

° “Hi MC, whats up?”

° “Hey Saeyoung, my landlord threw me out. I don´t know why and I don´t know what to do.” 

° you were crying

° “Keep calm. First you catch your stuff and come back here. I´ll make something to eat and then we can discuss what to do next.”

° “Thanks Seven you´re the best. See you in 10.”

° did he overdo it? probably...

° you arrived at his house and when you stepped inside you could already smellsomething burnt

° “Seven, is your house in fire??”

° “Nah, it´s just the pancake.”

° he looked like he was in a dough-explosion ɾ⚈▿⚈ɹ

° you laughed, he looked a bit hurt

° “You always know how to cheer me up. I love you Saeyoung!” (｡♥‿♥｡)

° you kissed him and he decided to spin you around after picking you up

° so cuuuuteeeeee

° it was the best time of your life......until he told you about what he did XD

_V_

° it clearly didn´t lack any intention from his side...

° the first time he “wanted to see which eye colour you have”

° but instead of letting him get Close to your face you told him

° MC, please read the mood, would you?

° the second time he accedantly bumped his forhead against yours

° but you told him it was okay and went into the kitchen

° the third time he became desperate he grabbed you by your shoulders and stared at you (he wanted your ok at least)

° but you started to feel embarássed and excused youself to the bathroom

° it wasn´t like you don´t want him to kiss you

° it was more like you being to shy and afraid you were not good enough

°  you saw that he was sad whenever you rejected him like that

° so you made up your mind and decided to not back away next time

° unfortunately that time didn´t come (︶︹︺)

° he was sad, yes, but he respected you and your privacy, so he stopped tryind to push you

° that meant that you had to take the step, next time there was a chance

° that time came around on your next date

° you went to the aquarium and then fetched some dinner in an italian restaurant

° why? because why not!?

°  when he had a piece of pizza left on the corner of his mouth, you saw your chance

° “You have something on your face, mind if I wipe it away?”

° “Yes, that would be very nice of you.”

° imagine the shocked look on his face when you wiped it awya with your tounge XD

° but before he could say anything you shut him up with your lips on his <3

° what a lovely date (♥ω♥*)

_Saeran_

° he wasn´t that good with emotions

° still you showerd him with affection

° it took him almost a month to get used to hugging, so kissing was a far away dream to you

° it made you sad but hey, you still had the rest of your life right?

° Saeran often wondered how he deserved you...

° he was afraid of loosing you

° especially after his idiot brother told him that you would if he didn´t kiss you

° shock of his life ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

° “MC, do you want to leave me?”

° “No, why should I?”

° you were confused, did Seven tell him some bullshit again?

° he did that nonstop so it wouldn´t suprise you

° “Saeyoung said you would if I don´t kiss you.”

° you spitted out your drink  （｀〇Д〇）

° “He said what!!?”

° yes, you could take this chance and force him to kiss you

° but where was the point in that ?

° “Don´t listen to him. I won´t leave because of that and we can kiss if you fel you can manage it, okay?”

° you were just to nice to him

° he knew you only meant it good but he also saw the sadness in your eyes

° so he went to his last backup-plan

° “Saeyoung, I need your help. I want to kiss MC but I don´t know how to do it.” 

° “If you want I can practise with you.”

° “Ok, bye.”(҂⌣̀_⌣́)

° “NOOOO!! Wait!”

° then things happend that I don´t want to explain

° “Hey Saeran do you know wher I left my-”

° you walked in as Seven kissed his brother, Saeran tried to punch him but failed

° “Ooookay... I´m comming back later then.”¯\_(ツ)_/¯

° “No, MC WAIT!!”

° he punched his brother so satisfying and ran after you

° of course you weren´t mad at him if you were then at Seven

° “MC, please don´t be angry at me, it was his fault.”

° he sounded like a kid who´s ice cream got eaten by his brother XD

° I think if someone would do that he would be dead in 3 seconds

° “Saeran, I´m not mad at you that you kissed your brother before me.”

° yes, you were playing with him feeling guilty

° he was afraid

° “No, MC don´t leave me, I´ll do anything ...”

° by anything he was referring to kissing and that he did

° result: he felt good kissing you so he didn´t stop you know what follows XD

° but still you punched Seven for kissing your boyfriend

Why did this turn out so long? I have no idea....¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Sorry for taking so long though, exams kept me busy so I had not too much time on my Hand

Anyway, I hope you liked it and if you did, leave a like, comment or a repost, which would make me very happy (*^▽^*)

Also if you have any requests or questions just send them nad I´ll do my best    ( ﾟ▽ﾟ)/

[whiskeyworen]

Things about me.

Feel free to skip this. It’s just personal stuff about me that I kinda want people to know about. It’s not a need, unless you ever meet me. See, I just finished reading a very long, powerful post chain about allergies, and the importance of listening when someone says “I’m sensitive to X” or “I’m allergic to Y” no matter the degree of said sensitivity and allergic reaction. My first reaction was to continue the chain, adding my own to it...but then I realized that compared to the ones I’d read, mine are exceedingly minor, and I might actually incur backblast from people forwarding the rest of the chain, because they might view me as ‘not taking it seriously’ when I actually very much do. So I decided to make this post, and put my stuff below the Keep Reading, so as not to clutter up people’s feeds or make them read something they don’t wanna. Feel free to take a gander if you’re curious, but again, it’s not a need-to-know. Not unless you ever have the (mis)fortune of meeting me in person. LOL

1: Lactose Intolerance. This is kinda generic for me. I don’t have a particularly bad reaction to milk, dairy, cheese, etc... but I do have one. It’s almost on a meter scale; the more I have, the worse I am off later. I can tolerate dairy...to a degree. I can have my ice cream, my milk, my cheese. Just not loads of it. A Cheese pizza will make me feel very sick later, even while I eat it. If I have ‘too much’, I start feeling tired, and develop head cold symptoms. Aches and pains all over, stuffy headed, and the ‘raccoon eyes’ look. If I have way too much... well, anyone with full blown LI who has a reaction knows the rest. It’s not pretty or pleasant. I didn’t know I was LI until several years ago. I only realized when I ended up cutting cheese and milk out of my diet, and I started feeling WAY better. Everyone had thought I was perpetually sick, but it turned out I was having one long, continuous reaction to my diet. The irony is, my LI reaction actually put stress on my last relationship, though neither of us knew at the time. We’d go out for dinner, or make dinner at home, and my ex was a cheese-a-holic. Cheese on everything. Lots of dairy. Just loved it. And I’d go along because, well, I too like cheese. But my body simply didn’t. And once a reaction started... You can see how it’d put a kibosh on things if a romantic dinner at home ended in one person feeling sick and just not into anything. LoL. And to be perfectly honest, if I started reaching my limit when it came to dairy and cheese, I always find myself involuntarily gagging. My body literally starts rejecting input and is like “Nope. No more dairy. Take a break. A long one. Go lie down while we sort this out.” 2: Lilies. Easter Lilies specifically, and ALL products using Lily extract, Lily oil, Lily ANYTHING. This is actually a pretty bad allergy. Once again, a case of ‘why do I feel so sick all the time’ only just around Xmas or Easter. Found out why one Easter when I brushed a hand against the pistil of an easter lily, and within a few seconds a painful welt had raised. Couple that with the fact that if I was within 20 feet of one, I’d start wheezing and gasping, my sinuses would fill and lock off, and I essentially went blind when my eyes swole up so badly and were so painfully sore. Sufficed to say, I avoid them at my workplace like the plague when the season is around, and I don’t attend church anymore. I also carefully check perfumed items for Lily extracts, as well as test them if I recieve them as a gift. If I get a reaction even once, I don’t use whatever it was I got. As a result, I don’t tend to wear strong colognes or use strongly scented soaps. It’s hard to feel good about smelling good when you can’t see properly, or your skin hurts, etc. No amount of pain is worth someone possibly maybe almost kinda noticing ‘Hey, you smell kinda nice.’ I can handle light stuff though, which is what I use. So I don’t smell like a damned yak, or a ‘I only smell like what the human body is supposed to smell like ‘ person. Bleah. 3: Aloe Barbadensis: This one was a surprise, but every encounter I’ve had with the moisturizing miracle plant has left me with sore, cracked, aching, bleeding skin. Apparently something like 10% of the population has a reaction to the stuff that’s the opposite of what does for the other 90%. I realized I was allergic to it when I was offered a hand lotion for dry skin, and it made my skin even drier, made it swell slightly, and go painful. Thinking back, I think of the times I had sunburns and someone gave me aloe gel to cool and soothe those burns...and the burns would instead feel like millions of needles after a few seconds, and were painful to AIR travelling over them. Moreso than when I stopped using the ‘coolant’ gel. I don’t ever want to think about what it’d do to my throat if I drank Aloe drinks... I know I’ve sampled some without realizing, and it made my esophagus extremely itchy. A full drink would probably make it swell shut and I’d be in the hospital. These days, I check every soap and shampoo and lotion I get for ‘Aloe barbadensis leaf juice’ and if it has it... I don’t use it.  A shame that 90% of stuff people get me out of the goodness of their hearts as gifts end up having the stuff in it. 4: Mushrooms: Not the ‘oh boy fun time’ mushrooms, though I’d probably be allergic to those too. I’m talking about Fungi in general. I’m badly allergic to grass mould, so when there’s a snowmelt outside, I gotta dose up on anti-allergy meds pretty hard. I’m also allergic to your garden variety (literally) eating mushrooms. This sucks, because my family loves things like porkchops with mushroom sauce, or steaks with sauteed mushrooms, or chili with mushrooms in it, and things like that. And it REALLY sucks for me because... I LIKE Mushrooms. When properly done, I absolutely love them. I love them in stirfry, in sautees, on pizza. But holy hell, do Mushrooms not love me back. If I eat them, I will enjoy them. and then I will have to cancel my plans for the next 18 hours, starting at the SAME HOUR I ATE THEM. Because the reaction is that fast, that brutal, and that painful. How painful? I want you to picture a spiked ball about the size of your fist. Make it nothing but glass shard spikes. Just unrelenting, fractal arranged glass shard spikes in the vague shape of a ball. Now imagine that very SLOWLY dragging its way through every inch of your gut, starting at your stomach. Over hours. People who have had kidney or urinary tract stones will know what kind of pain this is like. I can make that comparison at least, because I’ve had a stone or two in my time when I was really ill. To that spiked ball, imagine it moves one inch per hour, rotating slowly as it does so. It feels like something with claws, fangs, spikes, and blades is lacerating its way through you. I have cancelled plans because of this. Had entire days just nullified because I accidentally ate a handful of mushroom slices, or something else I ate was marinated in like, a truffle oil or had the oil from sauteed mushrooms on it or in it. At restaurants, I gently ask my server if they could find out what the source of their gravy (particularly for fries and stuff) is from. Like, specifically is it Beef or meat-based, or is it vegetable based. Most of the veggie stuff tends to use mushrooms which clearly is not good for me. They usually oblige me because a lot of places are intensely careful about allergies as long as you announce them. Sadly, I’ve had to stop Poutine-ing up my fries at my favorite restaurant, and I don’t get the gravy with my fries at work anymore, for that reason. Both are veggie-base gravy. I can handle a very small amount of mushroom or mushroom oil, but not at all much. And I don’t like trying to figure out just how much, because I don’t like feeling like I’m being eaten alive AND turned inside out by razor hooks. There are GODS out there that have heard my desperate pleas, and turned a blind eye to my plight. None of these allergies, with the exception of perhaps the Lily extract or ingesting Aloe, will ever kill me or nearly kill me. But they make life sometimes unbearable or unworkable, and always painful. Some might say I’m exaggerating my allergies, and that they aren’t that serious. Which, ironically, is especially intolerant of my support of THEIR allergies and desires to let people know how important theirs are to monitor. This has been.... stuff about me. I’m surprised if you read this far. Congrats. you now know more about me than half of my real life friends.

[aquarianlights]

Just popping in to tell you that you are gorgeous as fuck

Oh goodness. Hahaha. Wow, thank you so much! I wish that were true in my eyes. I have accepted the fact that other people can somehow think I am attractive, but I just can’t wrap my head around why someone would think that or how someone could think that about me. In my eyes, I am the most hideous, fat person on this planet. I have come to terms with the fact that I am ugly, like I mentioned in my post on that one picture, but I cannot accept the fact that I am ridiculously overweight and fucking obese. I hate myself so damn much because of my weight. I even avoid going out in public because of my weight and how ugly I look and feel. I can fool people with my selfies, though. With the right angle, the right lighting, the right filter, and the right camera. . .I can look pretty attractive. But it’s all an illusion. That’s why selfies are great. They can make your fantasy of being a beautiful, slim, flawless, model-worthy person a reality. But if you met me in real life? You’d run the other direction. Haha. I’m really hard on the eyes. My pictures are eye candy, I will admit, but my real life image? Very hard to look at. I have a very fat, obese, short, stubby, ugly body. . .and my face is too round and chubby and I have no neck or chin to speak of (which I want to get cosmetic surgery for when I can afford it) coz I inherited that from my fucking mother. I have a major, odd overbite on my top row of teeth because instead of sucking my thumb as a little boy, I sucked my two fingers (ring and middle), which caused my teeth to bulge out, one a little more than the other. Hoping to get that fixed with invisalign as soon as I can afford it. I have always had super clear skin, but lately my picking problem has become unbearable and I am ripping the skin off of different places and now I have all these red marks on my face and permanent scarring in some places because of that issue I have. And concealer doesn’t cover it that well no matter how much I put on. And then the pigmentation of my skin is disgusting because I am a pasty, white, lobster-person. My skin turns red at even the slightest bit of heat. And I have a pigmentation issue on my right cheek bone where there is a circle that is always red that concealer won’t cover. My eyes are way way WAY too big for my face (as everyone can probably tell). I’m certain people probably make fun of me for how big my eyes are behind my back. My hair is beautiful in colour, but ugly in style. My nose is huge and always red at the tip because, again, I am a white, pasty, lobster person. (Seriously, why did I have to be born white? UGH) My eyebrows are way way way too thick and they make me look perpetually angry. I have a bad case of resting bitch face and bored-to-tears face even when I’m excited about something. My smile is the most hideous and scary thing you will ever see; especially if it’s a teeth-showing smile. I have a baby face so I get mistaken for a teenager/high schooler quite often which is absolutely insulting. I have even had someone tell me my actual ID was a fake ID because they couldn’t fathom the fact that I was born in ‘92. I constantly have such dark circles under my eyes that it looks like I have two black eyes due to my insomnia and my sleeping pills not working anymore. My chin protrudes and it’s ugly. My lips are fucking HUGE and ugh god they’re disgusting. My teeth are somewhat yellow-ish because of all the tea and coffee I drink and because of the lack of money to go to the dentist (my insurance does not cover dental and never has...white teeth are a product of wealth, not how well you take care of them). My breath always smells horrible because I am anorexic and anorexia makes you have bad breath (still not sure why. I just know it’s the cause.). No matter how much I brush or how many times I rinse with mouth wash or how many mints I pop throughout the day, I’m pretty sure my breath still smells and I don’t know how anyone can stand to be around me. My face is pretty expressionless and I don’t make good expressions which makes me miserable and boring to other people. My laugh is fucking obnoxious because I laugh really loudly and it’s more of a maniacal cackle than anything. . .unless I’m giggling, then I sound like a fucking seal. If I don’t shave between my eyebrows for like 6 months or more, I get a small, practically invisible unibrow which is totally noticeable to me but normally not to other people. My nose is constantly wet and dripping because I have such bad allergies. My eyes are fucking bright blueish-grey, sometimes fully grey, so it’s super easy to tell when I’m on drugs because you can see my pupils turn to pinpoints or, if I’m on something trippy, you can see them dilate like crazy. Which, as someone who does drugs every day of his life, that’s an absolute curse, mate. I have TMJ so my jaw goes click click click every time I open and close it. I have a SUPER TINY mouth and a very thick tongue. Which is an awful combination. I can’t decide whether my forehead is too big or too small. And the creases of my eyes are practically right on top of my eyes because of how huge my eyes are. And glasses are always way too big for my face because I have such a tiny head. My nonexistent neck is super thick and makes me seem like I have a bazillion chins no matter how skinny I get. When I was down in the 90 lb range, the fact that I don’t have a neck/chin really fucking got to me because even at that weight, it still looks like I have a million chins. I can’t escape it without surgery to physically move my throat back where it is for normal people. Which, I’m not even sure if that can be done, but I will pay a plastic surgeon my whole goddamn life savings to fix that for me. I just don’t have the money right now and won’t anytime soon because I’m sure it will cost thousands upon thousands of dollars up-front. Uhhhh.....what else.....well, that’s just my head. From my neck up. You don’t even wanna get me started on my body. I could go on for hours because of how fat I am.

But. . .it’s really, really, REALLY nice to get messages like these. I never know if people are just mocking me and lying to me and laughing at my expense when I respond with gratitude, kinda like a “HAHA He’s so gullible!!!” sorta thing. That’s what I usually suspect is going on when people compliment me like this.

But I’ve been trying REALLY REALLY REALLY hard to just accept the compliments as truth and believe that people are being honest with me and aren’t just making fun of me and being sarcastic. So. . .if you’re serious, which I am going to force myself to assume you are, I really fucking appreciate this. Like....SO much. I have nonexistent self esteem. Like...zero. Maybe even negative numbers for my self esteem. I doubt you will ever encounter a person with lower self esteem than me. So to have people boost my ego with things like this means the world to me. It makes me feel like...maybe...maybe I can go out in public. Because I don’t go out in public because of how ugly and fat I am. I dread going out in public because of that. When I was like 105lbs or less, I was so fucking happy and I felt like I could go out in public whenever I wanted! It was incredible!!! Having thin privilege is.......wow, it’s life changing. I don’t think people with thin privilege even realize how great they have it. Honestly, being skinny would take away my depression, cure my anxiety, and all of my self destructive habits and suicidal ideations would just...fade away! They did when I was 105 and less. So anyone who says that weight does not control your happiness is a fucking liar when it comes to me, myself, and I. Because weight does, indeed, control my happiness, personally. While I’m fat and obese like I have been most of my life, it causes so much depression and anxiety and makes me want to kill myself solely because I am fat. I can deal with being ugly like I am, but I cannot deal with being fat like this. I can’t handle it.

And I can’t exercise at all because it could give me a heart attack and kill me due to my costochondritis. So I can’t even do that to help lose weight. So I’m just.....constantly starving myself and munching on dried mango slices when I’m hungry and drinking lots and lots of water and nothing else. A lot of people say that starving yourself will make you gain weight and it actually does in majority of people, but for some reason. . .starvation works on my body. Starvation is the one thing that will make me lose weight. And it’s really my only option at this point. Yeah, I could go into hypoglycemic shock or a hypoglycemic coma, but that’s a chance I’m willing to take if I could just be skinny.

Like I said. . .I have come to terms with the fact I am ugly. That is never going to change no matter what I do. But my weight? That is something I can change if I keep up the starvation and don’t break. Which, I have gotten very good at over the years since I was a little kid. The drugs help curb my appetite, too. The reason I started doing certain drugs was actually to curb my appetite. Nothing else. I didn’t want them to get high or for fun or anything like that---I just wanted them so I could lose weight. And they sure are helping. I fucking love drugs.

I would do anything to be skinny and have thin privilege. Literally anything. I will die trying if I have to. I would rather die an early death while skinny than live a long life while fat.

Ahhhh, I got so off topic there. I’m sorry. Weight and my appearance has just been prevalent in my mind since I came across those three old pictures I just reblogged from my selfie tag. So I just. . .had to vent and get that out there. I’m so sorry. But venting really helps me. A lot. So. . .saying all that really just helped me calm down and stop crying and beating myself up over all of it. So. . .even if you don’t read all this, if someone does read it, thank you. Thank you for listening.

And, nonny. . .thank you so much for your wonderful compliment. You just made me feel SO damn good about myself. And it really means a lot to me because I have this scratch on the skin above my upper lip on the right side that I have been clawing at for hours now and I have opened up a whole damn hole in my skin and now it’s turned into a massive red spot of ugliness and it’s probably not going to heal for a long time no matter how much of this prescription healing gel I put on it. The gel is like a super version of neosporin. My mom had it when she had her mastectomy for breast cancer. They took fat from her stomach to make her a new breast and she had some crazy, sick scar from that. Huge scar. So they gave her this gel that you put on the incision site to make it heal faster. And it really works. So she gave the remainder of it to me and I’m putting it on that area like every two seconds, but then I get the urge to claw at it and I do and then it just starts bleeding and gets bigger and worse and worse. And I just can’t seem to stop myself. If there is an area of my skin that isn’t perfectly smooth and flat, I will claw at it until it’s bleeding and until I feel that it’s flat or concave that will heal into flatness. Can’t even tell you how many circular shaped scars I have from ripping off little swollen bite areas from insects. Two circular dots are on my face and it makes me feel so fucking ugly. And now I have this huge red mark on my upper lip and it’s killing me to look at myself because I can’t do anything to hide it and I basically never want to go out in public again. . .my picking problem has made me 50x uglier than I already am and it REALLY gets to me. I physically can’t go out in public because of my looks and weight without a fuckton of valium or ativan in me.

So. . .hearing this from a stranger. . .some anonymous. . .it means the world to me. It means that someone, somewhere out there in this world, could walk past me and think “Wow. He’s so handsome.” or something like that. It gives me hope that maybe one day.....ONE DAY......someone might actually think that in real life when I don’t have all the right angles, filters, right lighting, right pose, etc etc etc...If someone were to say this to me in person when I was in my natural environment without all the selfie gimmicks? I think I would legitimately pass out. Haha. I’ve never been the gorgeous one. . .I hate going out with most of my friends sometimes because they are a million, bazillion times hotter than me.

I’m hoping the HRT will change how I look and how my body is. I hope it will slim me down and strengthen my facial structure. The doctor said it probably won’t have any affect on my face, but I have seen FTM and MTF people who have before and after pictures and their faces look super different. So I’m just fucking praying to all the omnipotent, noncorporeal, fate-controlling aliens in the universe that it does exactly that. I would kill to look like anyone other than me.

I have never seen an ugly fat person before. The only ugly fat person I have seen is me. Fat and skinny are both beautiful. And fat is not a derogatory term. People seem to assume that just because I think I’M fat and that makes me ugly, I somehow think that they must be ugly due to their weight, too??? And that just doesn’t make any fucking sense to me when people come to me with the “Well if you xxx pounds and I’m xxx pounds, then what does that make me in your eyes? A fucking obese monster?” LIKE NO, FAM. IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY. The only fucking way I think about fat being ugly is on ME. PERSONALLY. I am the only one that my logic about weight applies to. And people just don’t seem to understand that and it pisses me off. I’m anorexic and I have bad body dysmorphia. So, I mean, fucking SUE ME FOR EXPRESSING MY OPINION OF MYSELF AND MYSELF ALONE. Just because I think I’m fat at 128 lbs does not mean I think someone at twice my size or four times my size is ugly due to their weight. I am attracted to all sorts of people. And Callie in Grey’s Anatomy is the exact body type I am attracted to. She’s not conventionally skinny like most people. . .yet, that is the number one body I am attracted to. I’m not usually attracted to skinny people because they make me out-of-my-mind angry and vengeful because I want to BE them and because they usually take their thin privilege for granted or aren’t even aware that they have it and MAN that pisses me off. They usually have no idea how good they have it. Ugh, fuck. I have experienced what it was like to have thin privilege. I was practically fucking worshiped. Even though I lost all my weight for very unhealthy reasons and I was the most unhealthy I had ever been in my life and I was the sickest I’ve ever been physically, everyone would still see me for the first time in a while and be like “OH MY GOD. KILLIAN. LOOK AT HOW SKINNY YOU ARE. CONGRATULATIONS. YOU LOOK GORGEOUS OH MY GOD!!!” and they would just continuously praise me for being skinny. I would get asked out on dates and invited to all these high end exclusive parties simply because I was skinny. And guys and some girls were absolutely all over me. I remember walking into a gas station to ask for direction and there was a line of guys waiting for the cash register and when I walked in, they all turned around and did a double take and literally scanned me up and down with their eyes and they all got this kind of devious smirk and one of them even put his hand around my waist and they were just absolutely marveling at how gorgeous I was. Purely because I was skinny. I could get into clubs and bars so easily when I was skinny. The second I gained the weight back? Everyone that had loved me when I was skinny abandoned me with the absolute weakest excuses. No one paid attention to me anymore. I started getting looks of disgust again. Started getting the stares.......you know the stares, right? The ones that say “Wow, I’m so glad I’m not as fat as him!” Stuff like that. My mistress even gave me a special session when I lost all the weight because she was so proud of me. . .despite the fact I lost in a very unhealthy way and for very bad reasons and despite the fact that I was physically sicker than I had ever been. IT DIDN’T SEEM TO MATTER TO ANYONE HOW SICK I WAS and how unhealthy I was and how I was basically dying from extreme starvation and dehydration. All anyone cared about was that I was skinny and my body looked ideal. So I know what thin privilege feels like. . .it gives you the confidence to leave the house whenever you want to. It gives you an ego boost like no other because clothes actually look GOOD on you. It makes people love you like crazy and lust for you. It helps you get in to basically anywhere you want and it helps you get past so many rules and laws and shit just because you’re skinny. You can fucking get away with anything when you’re skinny. I learned that easily when I was tiny. The second I gained it all back, though? It was like I was barred from everywhere and all of my friends and people who were lusting after me just fucking left.

I mean, yes, I’ve had tons of people tell me I’m attractive. Some irl and most online. I have had people tell me I’m gorgeous and alluring and that my eyes are mesmerizing and that they could gaze into them all day. But it’s always so hard for me to believe. . .because of my weight. Not even because I am ugly. . . but simply because of my obesity.

But I’m trying. I’m really trying. I can’t thank you enough for this message. You just gave me an opportunity to vent and get all my crazy emotions out like I really, really needed to. I was gonna keep it all inside for the night and let it eat me alive and destroy me, but. . .now I feel SO MUCH BETTER after being able to rant like that. You just did more for me than raise my self esteem and give me a little ego boost and make me smile and giggle and make me feel really, REALLY good about myself. . .you just helped me to get through a particularly tough state of mind that would have caused me to pop so many more pills and possibly accidentally overdose. You just seriously saved me by sending me this simple compliment.

I can’t thank you enough. There are no words to express my gratitude to you. You just made my whole night turn from miserable and self-loathing. . .to absolutely wonderful and self-affirming. c: You’re a wonderful human being and I’m so so so glad you took the time to type up this message. I’m sorry I had to vent like that, but I just HAD to get it out. You are the best. Ily. Thank you so so so fucking much. I would kill to hug you tight right now.

Also, I haven’t gotten a compliment on my looks on tumblr in a good while now, so this was very refreshing. I used to get compliments on my looks all the time. . .now I barely get any. So this was a nice change of pace. c: Thank you, again. I wish I had the words to express my gratitude, but no words would be able to formulate how extremely thankful I am to you.