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etherealily · 13 days ago

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Based on this request <3

Nate Jacobs + Fem!reader. Warnings : Dark. SFW but discretion advised. Drugs.

I made this slightly dark because you know me.

A.N: No way I managed to write something with a happy, non-cliffhanger ending. Are you guys proud of me?

P.S : My love for Elvis makes a cameo AGAIN.

You do NOT have permission to repost and/or translate any of my fics.

Desc.: "Hello, You."

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Joe Goldberg had it all wrong.

Sure, stalking people when you know nothing about them is rewarding, yes, but hard, and time-consuming. Good on you, Joe.

But Nate didn't have time. He wanted quick and easy.

And let me tell you something, nothing is easier than stalking a house you already know inside and out.

Nothing is easier than stalking an Instagram profile that you already follow.

Nothing is easier than stalking a girl you already know.

He hadn't exactly prayed for this, okay? But when it did happen, it hit him all at once, like a freight train. Obsession - love - is tricky like that.

What started as a way to check on Maddy after being blocked ended up with scrolling past pictures of her on others' profiles and zooming into yours. Hands in his pants.

It's not even like you reminded him of her, so it was genuinely starting to disgust him, as well, to give him the creeps. You were a junior, it was weird, but it's not like love cares. Heart wants what it wants and all that.

The last name you shared with his ex was the only thing that haunted him. Like actually, haunted him. Like, he'd have dreams about trying to erase your last name and put his instead but it stayed on, like a stain, like a reminder.

Not to mention, he was exactly the opposite of your type.

He'd liked to have tried to say he didn't fit that bill, that he was quote-unquote, not like the other guys, but he genuinely couldn't say that. He was a dick. And he knew it. Badge of honour, baby.

Fucking yay.

The badge didn't really do that great in landing him a date, though.

Yeah, a date, not even a hookup. That's what he'd been reduced to. A simp.

You weren't even all that great, either, and he was genuinely wondering if he was secretly being roofied, the way all great Kings are before attempted regicide. Sure you were hot and not a cunt, but like, that was it. Was Nate attracted to the bare fucking minimum? Is that what your sister had done to him?

No, but then you weren't just not-a-cunt. You were also genuinely kind. Charitable. Genuine.

Fuck. Fucking Perezes giving him migraines and whiplash.

════════════════════ 🔭 ═════════════════════

He was about ninety percent sure you'd be there. You were always there, he'd noticed, at about four thirty sharp, at the bus stop. Your stupid fucking wired earphones on.

Get airpods, you fucking nerd.

Knowing you, you probably didn't want to, lest someone think you were ignoring them when they were talking to you, but you actually had earphones on. Ugh.

The sheets of rain barely let him see you, let alone allow you to hear him, as he leaned with an umbrella on the side of the bus stand, his elbow almost recoiling thanks to the sharp cold. "Yo, Little Perez!"

What the fuck did he just call you? Okay, whatever. He slipped up. Happens to the best of us. Luckily, you didn't hear.

"HEY!"

You frowned, taking out one earbud and trying to look around for the source of the sound. The source waved at you with just his fingers. 'Cause he was cool like that.

"Hey!" Jesus, even with the thunder and the incessant shattering rain, he could swear your voice just changed his brain chemistry.

"You're wet as fuck!"

"That's not how you catcall someone! You fucked up the line!" Ha. Fucking amazing. THIS kinda humour, he could get by.

"Are you womansplaining how to catcall to a guy?!"

You rolled your eyes, chuckling. "What do you want, Jacobs?!"

"Having a little moment?!", he asked, nodding at your phone. "Or do you need a ride?!"

"Bus!", you called back.

"Which one?", he asked, before looking at the sign on the side of the bus stand. "Wait, 4A through Kemper?! It's cancelled 'cause of the rain!"

"What?!"

"Yeah, check it out!", he said, whipping out his phone as you moved closer, tilting it so you could see the bus schedule update. That he totally did not find from months ago and edit to pass off as today's.

Your eyes widened and your fists clenched. "Motherf--!", you cut yourself off, kicking the bench slightly. "Still offering that ride?"

"Sure, I'm going through Kemper, anyway."

"Why are you going through Kemper?"

"My Dad owns the apartment complexes past there, so I'm just doing the routine drop-ins and shit. Keep 'em scared of the boss or whatever."

You were being uncommonly attentive to his reasoning. He had not expected that. Good thing he didn't slack off on alibi prep.

"So. Whaddaya say? Need a ride?"

You nodded. "Of course I need a ride. This fuckin' town, man. Stupid bus schedules.", you muttered, following him - and his umbrella - to his car.

════════════════════ 🔭 ═════════════════════

"You sure it's okay?", you asked for the second time since you entered his car and graced it with your scent. "Like, it's all muddy."

He sighed, looking down under your feet. No, it irked him and if it were anyone else, he'd have tweaked out. Not you, though.

'And besides', he realised, grumbling as he looked down at his own feet, "I'm makin' it muddy, too.", he assured, completing his thought by saying it.

"Just this right.", you instructed, and he turned right. Where the fuck were you going?

"Where are you takin' me? Got a ransom or something?"

You smiled, rolling your eyes. "Left, then second right."

Okay, you wouldn't answer that, apparently. Fine. Elephant needs to be addressed, then.

"Aren't you supposed to hate me?"

You frowned, scoffing softly as you turned to him. "What?"

"I dated your big sister. All the shit that happened with us. No way she didn't tell you."

"Yeah, she did."

He waited for elaboration, but found none.

"So? You don't care?"

"Look, Nate, I think you're an asshole for what you did to my sister."

Yeah, you'd be weird as fuck to think otherwise.

"But I know my sister. She's not... she's not a complete saint, either."

Obviously, you're referring to the multiple times she's cheated on him. You're being deliberately vague because you think he doesn't know and it's that kind of concern for others' wellbeing that makes him want to tell you to do whatever the hell you want to him right now.

"So I'm just not getting into it, okay?"

Okay. "Okay."

"Yeah, right here. Right here's good.", you said, and he came to a stop, watching you gather your stuff and practically fly out.

"Rue Bennett?", you asked the - could he say receptionist? Or was this guy just out there with a ledger? - receptionist, breathlessly.

"She just signed in. Sponsor?'

"Escort."

Huh. Huh. WOW. You were charitable enough to fuck around with RUE BENNETT? Jesus, who were you, Mother Teresa?

"Hey, is this an AA meeting or something?", he called, elbow leaning out the window.

"Yeah, my friend doesn't have a good track record of attending, I gotta make sure she's there! But thanks, Nate, I owe you one big time, man!", you called back, scrawling your name onto the ledger before running into the building.

He watched you disappear until the ledger guy cleared his throat. "You an addict, too?"

Nate snorted softly, scoffing and shaking his head as ledger-dude started laughing. "Fuck off, man.", he replied, key in the ignition again.

"Don't blame you, kid!", he called, and Nate wanted to punch him. No way was he watching you go in, too. That shit was creepier than Nate wanting you. "Have a good one!"

Oh, he would.

════════════════════ 🔭 ═════════════════════

"Yo, hey. Little Perez." Fuck, why did he keep calling you that? It was fucking retarded.

"Hey, Nate."

"I think you owe me something."

"You know that's just a thing people say?"

"Mm, yeah, but...", he muttered, shrugging. "I'm a man of my word, so I think everyone else should be too. Unless you think not keeping up your promises is good?"

You rolled your eyes. "You don't need to guilt me into it. Just ask."

"There's a party. You're coming to it."

"Nah, no parties."

"What are you, gonna give me some bullshit 'I-don't do-parties-I'm-not-like-other-girls' excuse? Or the 'they're-so-overwhelming' excuse?"

"Next week's finals week."

Oh. Okay, well, now he just feels like a dick.

"Oh, shit, my bad. Forgot you little juniors have it a month earlier than we do.", he muttered, watching you for a moment before he decided enough was enough. He'd just ask.

"What are you even doing?", he asked, watching you take the last sealed box from your friend and place it in front of the notice board at the school entrance.

You looked back up at him, before unrolling the chart you'd been working on during study hall yesterday. "Hm? Oh, fundraiser."

"For this hellhole of a school?"

"Uh, no.", you replied, shaking your head. "For the soup kitchen, through the school."

He snorted. "Right. Who's even gonna sign up?"

"Hey, they signed up for the ASPCA thing last fall. Must be the community waking up.'

Or guys wanting to dick you down.

"Yeah, but that's 'cause it's you who asked them to."

"Hey, you wanna sign up?"

He scoff-laughed, raising a brow. "Me? For the soup kitchen?"

You knelt down, ironing out the poster with your palms, looking up at him expectantly.

No way you weren't doing that shit on purpose. No way. Wait... you- you weren't. That was a genuine fucking question and you didn't understand that there's no way he could say no to you when you look at him like that? Jesus.

He sighed, magnanimously. "What do you need me to do?"

"Well, you're tall. So just help us hang this thing up. Ladder's not tall enough."

Humming, he took the poster from you, giving it a once over. Jesus. "You made this?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah.", you nodded, hands on your hips. "Cool?"

"Couldn't make this shit if I tried."

"That a compliment?"

"Supposed to be. But you're right, it's a toss-up. I'd never try in the first place.", he mumbled, nodding subtly at you before he climbed up a couple rungs. "Here?"

"Mhm. Maybe like a tiny bit higher?"

He'd climb Everest for you. He just wished you'd know that.

"Here?"

"Yeah, perfect. You need tape, or do you think you can hold it up long enough to use a couple push pins on each corner?"

"I think I can handle it.", he replied, unamused, but he hid a grin at your laughter. Not to call the Lord's name in vain, but Jesus, were you fucking with him.

He leaned down to get the clear plastic box of colourful pins from you, placing it on the top rung of the ladder for a moment and taking a couple out. "So like, two on each corner?"

No response.

"Yo, Little Perez?"

"Uh... maybe three?"

That wasn't you. Who the fuck was this dweeb?

"Who the fuck are you?"

"I'm Cole.", the kid said, still holding the ladder down securely, as if that was his life duty.

"Did I ask your fucking name?"

He's a dick, but this was too much, even for him. But you'd just gone AWOL, so yeah, he was kinda pissed.

"No, I...", the kid muttered, kinda pathetically.

He huffed. "Where is Y/N?"

"She's over there.", he mumbled, and Nate's gaze followed his scrawny little hand to see you talking to Maddy. Huh.

Yeah, Nate was the problem. Maybe he always was.

Why, in his stupid little mind, you guys were totally different universes, he didn't know.

Why his stupid little mind didn't expect for those universes to clash, he had no clue.

You were sisters! Stayed in the same fucking house, maybe even sometimes the same fucking room! What sort of idiot would hope for the opposite? Him, apparently. He needed you as far away from her as possible.

Hard task, but if Joe Goldberg could do that to a girl and her best friend, he could do it to a girl and her sister.

════════════════════ 🔭 ═════════════════════

"You're tweaking out, man, what is up with you recently?"

He rubbed his hands across his face. "The little sister asked me, okay, I didn't want beef with both Perezes, yeah? So just shut the fuck up and come."

"At least can we bring booze?"

"No, they're including East Highland Middle School, too."

Yeah, convincing an entire football team (plus Chris McKay, in hopes that he'd bring his college football gang) to take part in some soup kitchen fundraiser wasn't exactly simple.

Definitely not as simple as, say, mapping out your room in his head so that when the time came to inevitably kiss you against the door, he wasn't losing face looking for the bed or bumping into your snazzy little swivel chair.

Which he, of course, did a shitty job of. He refused, for his pride, to become one of those binoculars-using creeps. He considered himself more subtle than that. And sophisticated.

But anything was better than the mess he was making of this.

"What is this, like, a bowling thing? A raffle?"

"Car wash."

"With the cheerleaders in it?"

Maybe he should've led with that.

"I mean, maybe? I'm sure Y/N could convince them..."

"Shit, I'm down. It's one of those wet, soapy ass ones you gotta get into bathing suits for, right?"

Yeah, definitely should've led with that. He nodded.

He fist-bumped, dapped-up, and took as many shoulder pats as were thrown at him, before he raised a brow. McKay was still in there, his arms crossed.

"Was this what your whole question was about?"

"Huh?"

"You texted me last night."

Oh, yeah. Drunk.

"Shit, yeah. Just ignore that."

"Yo, McKay. Ever fallen for an ex's sister? How 2 deal with it? Lmk.", he read out, sarcastically trying to imitate Nate's voice.

"I was shitfaced, man."

"Right."

Nodding, Nate shoved his hands into his pocket. "You'll show up? To the fundraiser thing. I really am tryna be a good person, 'kay? Don't want to disappoint Perez Number Two."

"See, Nate, what's throwin' me off is that you're not saying you wanna fuck this sister, you're saying you're falling in love with her."

"Uh-uh, no, no, I said falling for her."

"Same thing, man."

"No, it's not."

McKay chuckled, and Nate couldn't help but reciprocate. "Seriously, Nate, I don't know if it's a good idea."

"She's completely fucking different, man, I'm telling you, she and her sister are, like... fucking worlds apart." Who the fuck was he trying to convince?

"That's dangerous, Nate, there's so much could go wrong--"

"Man, I just need some advice. I don't know how to do the boyfriend thing, clearly. I actually like this girl." Ew, what the fuck had you done to him?

"What are you, sweet on Lexi Howard, now?", he scoffed, clenching his jaw. "As if you haven't fucked up the Howards' life enough."

It's good that McKay thinks the ex he's talking about is Cassie. Actually kind of dumb.

He'd just tried to convince footballers to join a fundraiser for you, and he thinks it's Lexi Howard he wants.

Maybe this dumbassery is why he lost Cassie.

"Hey, Lexi did that on her own with that stupid fucking play of hers."

"Yeah? And it was the play that fucked Cassie for months?"

He fell silent. Yeah, McKay and him had never actually spoken about the whole fucking-his-ex-girlfriend thing, but he figured they weren't technically still together.

"Man, look, I'm not with her anymore. I- we're done. Yeah?"

"Yeah, I know.", he spat.

"She's all yours, man.", he muttered, before McKay scoffed.

"Like I want your sloppy seconds. And who the fuck are you, giving me permission?"

"If you think I still want Cassie, you're a fucking retard, McKay."

He scoffed, shaking his head. "Chill, man, okay, I'm not gonna--", he cut himself off, rubbing his hands over his face. "We're cool, I just wish you'd have told me, and I didn't have to find out about it fucking... months later."

Huh. Wow. McKay was a better man than Nate was, for sure. If McKay had been fucking Maddy, he'd have committed double homicide.

"Alright, look, my advice is just don't put up a front. If you're a dick- which you fucking are - just own it, and make it cute."

"Cute?"

"Self-awareness. Girls love it. Pearl of wisdom, brother, you owe me with your life."

"Wait, so I'm just gonna have to continue being a dick?", he called, as McKay shouldered past him.

"Yeah, but consciously make an effort not to be. It's a delicate balance. But you'll find it!"

Either McKay had just ruined his life or given him the best advice in the world.

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"Jesus Fucking Christ."

Yeah, he was going to hell.

But what the fuck else could he say?

Who the hell would have thought the turnout for a fucking soup kitchen car wash would be this huge? Who even were half these kids?

Of course, nothing would beat the ASPCA thingie you'd organised in the fall, even Nate came to that. But that was just 'cause Maddy liked cats. Or whatever.

The fucking vibe of the place - you wouldn't think this was a school, no, it was some sort of car-washing-frat-party-cult. And you, absolutely fucking oblivious to this miracle you somehow conjured up, stood in the middle, with a clipboard and a very stressed out look on your face.

"Yo, Little Perez, you seeing this shit?", he mumbled, unable to force the awe out of his tone as he nudged you.

"Yeah, your little football friends are literally supposed to be vollunteers. Instead, they're paying more that actual customers."

"Money's money, hon."

"I suppose that's true. Horny teenagers are the best market."

There we go, you were a quick study, he'd give you that.

"Why do you look like you got a stick up your ass? Relax, maybe bring your car to be washed? It's a success!"

Normally, he'd have asked you to go topless and get to work. But something told him that kind of joke wouldn't fly with you. And besides, why the fuck would he wanna see middle aged men in cars grinning at you cleaning?

"People leave without paying sometimes."

"It's for charity, no one's gonna cheap out."

You snorted, loudly at that. "You'd be fucking surprised, man."

"Still, no need to be this stressed. You're fine. See? All that? You made it happen. Little Orphan Annies throughout the state owe their lives to you, or whatever.'

"It's not just for orphans, for like, anyone who's hungry and needs some food, so, like the--"

"Okay, so homeless people. The less fortunate. My bad." Dick, but consciously trying not to be.

You smiled softly, nodding. "Yeah. Precisely. And I just hope this is enough, y'know?"

He rolled his eyes, watching the footballers wolf whistle at the cheerleaders turning on the hose. "Money-making-machine right there."

"You know what would get more female customers?"

"I don't know, Brad Pitt? Penn Badgley?"

"The 6'5 star QB giving 'em a show."

He chuckled incredulously, raising a brow at you, arms folded. "Nope. No fucking way. You want me to strip? I already brought in so many people!"

"You're right, you're right. You've done enough. I was just kidding."

He grunted softly, though it was more out of amusement than frustration. "I do this, you'll come to the party?"

"Finals week. And I was kidding, man."

"If I host a party after finals week. Will. You. Come." , he asked, battling a grin. Yeah, he sounded annoyed but that's the last thing he could be when you stood there in flip flops with a pen tapping anxiously on a clipboard you've scribbled on.

"Sure."

"No bullshit?"

"No bullshit."

"And you'll drink and actually fucking participate? You won't try to turn the whole thing into an AA meeting?"

"Jesus, no!"

His hands moved to opposite ends of the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his body. "You are a fucking genius. Getting me to do all this.", he whispered, shaking his head before flipping you off as he jogged over to the next car in the lineup.

"You volunteered!", you called back, and he could hear the laughter in your voice. Fuck, RIP his brain chemistry.

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"What? No! You don't get it. None of my guy friends get it."

He's gonna pretend that didn't sting. 'Guy friends'. May very well be 'gay best friend'. Being reduced to a non-dateable-option wasn't the best feeling, but part of you was better than none of you.

And he couldn't blame you, even if it was you putting your guard up.

Everyone who asks you out is turned the fuck down. And they are all a very specific genre of human - sorry, subhuman. Jocks. No, sorry, that would make him fall into that bracket.

Idiot jocks. Who couldn't think about anything but fucking and fighting.

But luckily for you, he had the looks, the physique, and the smarts and sophistication that came with being a Jacobs.

Whole package.

However, the way this shit was going, he'd have to watch as some hippie tweaker who 'believes that animals are people, too, dude, go vegan or go home!' got to date you.

It's weird, right? How someone can change you so quick.

He just wanted you. Like, he wanted you.

He wanted to know your darkest secrets and never use them.

He wanted to know how tall your walls were and break through them.

He wanted to know why you were so fucking nice to people like Rue motherfucking Bennett, and he wanted to exploit it.

But most of all, he wanted to know what made you tick. What turned you off a dude. What could possibly make you blow a gasket.

What made you... You.

"I just think that you guys don't get how much like, potential Loki has. As a boyfriend."

"Yeah, but Thor's jacked, he's not fucking evil, and he's, like, a superhero!"

"Loki isn't evil, he's just--"

"If you say misunderstood, I'm going to crash out.", he muttered, pushing some hair behind your ear. With his luck, you'd ignore it, because of course friends help you when hair's getting into your eyes!

"But he is misunderstood, okay? Like, he was constantly made to feel inferior in every way!" See? Ignored.

He watched you take a bite of your pasta before taking a bite of his burger. "I swear, girls always do this, they go for the worst possible option and then justify it instead of going to the best option and enjoying it."

Shut up. Yeah, the irony wasn't lost on him. Hardy har har.

"Loki changed at the end. Okay? He'd just assumed that Odin's mistreatment was something Thor believed in himself, even though Thor thought of him as a brother!"

He groaned, a slightly pained laugh escaping him. "Next you're gonna say you're Team Cap."

"What? No! No, Tony was right."

He tilted his head. Huh. Brains. "Yeah. Good. 'Least you got something right, but now you got me thinking you have an aversion to blondes."

You chuckled and he swears he's going to lose it from your smile alone.

"How's finals going?"

"Good. Kinda scared for results, though.", you mumbled, shaking your head. "I'm so scared that every second I don't spend studying is another mark lost, and I'm losing it."

"Jesus, there's the fucking stick again. I swear, you should just--"

But it's like the universe was not okay with him winning, because in came your gang of nerds - sorry, your fellow student council members - to whisk you away.

"I'll see you later, Jacobs, okay?"

"Nate!", he called back, almost warning, before he was affronted with the sight of Maddy rolling her eyes at him. "Did you just call out your own name?"

"Shut up, Maddy. I was talking to someone."

"That's literally fucking pathetic."

Look who's talking.

════════════════════ 🔭 ═════════════════════

You didn't seem to actually do much to give him enough insight into your life, seriously.

You came to school, talking with your sister on the way.

You spent your school day doing nothing but going to classes and occassionally talking with Nate (fucking yay), and then you spent an extra hour and a half at school for some after school bullshit you did, he didn't care enough. And then you came home and studied.

Like, what a fucking nerd. What a sexy fucking nerd.

But finals week was over, and he'd even given you another week to wait for results, and now he was hosting a party.

Well, McKay was.

And you weren't coming.

One thing he couldn't stand for was you lying to him. Which was exactly what you did.

You had a date, you said, and that would have resulted in him getting into a car accident - that wasn't really an accident - on the highway if he believed you.

But he knew you weren't going on a date. You were going back to the fucking AA meeting for fucking Rue Bennett. There should be some limit to your charity.

But like the calm, level-headed individual he was, he didn't crash out, he simply schooled his face, took deep breaths - and maybe a can of beer - and parked his car gracefully.

His hand stilled on his seatbelt, and he looked down at the buckle for a moment, lost in thought.

No, no, fuck it. No second thoughts. He undid the buckle, getting out before locking the car with a beep.

The trees shrouding his sight slowly gave way as he walked, and right there, to his left, on the stairs, was you.

Ledger-guy wasn't there, and so you were aimlessly playing with the pen that hung from the spring tether attached to his table.

You watched it bobble around each time you pushed it away and then watched it swing right back to you, regardless of how hard you'd pushed it, albeit unknowingly.

There was a metaphor there. He was sure of it.

"Hey.", he said softly, carefully. "Thought I'd find you here."

You looked up at him, but didn't even seem to have the energy to act guilty. "Hey."

He sat down with a low exhale, his knees bending uncomfortably as he nudged your shoulder with his own. "Yo."

You turned to him, nodding.

"What's going on? How come you're out here? She could've snuck out by now."

"She won't. She's doing really well. She's been sober for almost two months now."

He let out a soft whistle, nodding, before looking back at you, frowning slightly. "So why do you look depressed?"

"Her withdrawals, y'know, um. They're gone, but like... this two month mark is usually where it goes downhill, so I'm, like... worried, or whatever."

"It's gonna stick this time."

"Told myself that last year."

"Look, we've all grown up together. Small town. I- I'm not, like, fucking 'BFFs'... ", he muttered, using air quotes, "...with Rue, but she's strong.", he continued.

You shrugged lightly. "I guess."

"Hey, look. She's been through a lot. Her Dad kicked the bucket a while ago, her little sister found her ODd, rehab, lack thereof, relapse, all that shit. She'll get through it. And she's doing well enough right now. I saw her at school yesterday, she looks good. Like, healthy."

He was seriously wondering if he'd been hexed, because here he was, admitting he'd noticed Rue Bennett's sobriety, and spoken in favour of her, all for you. To alleviate your worries. To get that sadness off your face.

You nodded. "But I'm just... I hate that I can't be there with her through every bad moment."

Like he wanted to be with you.

"Hey.", he sighed, shuffling closer, brushing hair from your eyes and moving your head to his shoulder both in one swift motion. "She's here, isn't she? In there? Talking about her sobriety? She's going to school, too. You got her there."

Scoffing, you shook your head. Your humility would be the death of you, he's sure of it. "No, her family did. Mr. Ali did."

"You escorted her to every single meeting, without fail. You don't miss a single week."

Please don't ask how he knows, please don't ask how he knows-

"I guess."

Phew.

"Right. Trust me, one step at a time. Okay? She'll be fine."

You hummed and he looked at his reflection in his phone screen so he could analyze what a fucking simp he'd become.

"Thanks."

"Oh, shut up.", he scoffed. "'Thanks' like hundreds of people - and animals - don't owe you one already."

"Why do you do that?"

"What?"

"Put me up on a pedestal?"

"You'd rather I treat you like everyone else?"

"How do you treat everyone else?"

"How you'd expect me to."

You bit the inside of your cheek. "Why did you strangle my sister?"

If he had a beer in his mouth, he'd spit it out. "Anger issues."

"Did you get help for them?"

Who the fuck were you? He tells you he strangled your sister 'cause he was pissed, you want to know if he went to a shrink to get that shit out of him. He shook his head.

"Why not?"

"It's just about the only defence mechanism I have."

He didn't like how your stupid questioning made him feel as if he really was talking to a fucking shrink. He'd never admitted that before.

"Oh."

He took a long, deep breath, before patting on the tops of his thighs, standing. "C'mon."

"What? Where? Rue's still in there.", you asked, looking up at him as he stood over you.

"We'll be back before it's over."

════════════════════ 🔭 ═════════════════════

The waves threatened to devour your feet, but didn't seem to have the power to actually make good on their threats.

"I'm driving Rue back."

"It's PBR. It's impossible to get drunk off it, trust."

You shrugged, taking the can and popping it open.

He watched your lips wrap around the edge of the can, and your throat as it cascaded down it. Holy. Shit.

Taking a sip himself, he shifted so that his elbow was resting loosely on his knee. "Never have I ever...", he mused, grinning as he watched your eyes roll.

"Oh, sweet Jesus.", you scoffed.

"You skipped out on the party. I refuse to let you spend tonight without a little bit of fun."

"And 'never have I ever' is the way to do that?"

He shrugged. "Never have I ever.... kissed a girl.", he finished, taking a sip.

He was pleasantly surprised to see you take one, too.

"Oh, this I gotta hear."

"Keep your panties on, it was my best friend, and we just wanted to practice kissing, get my first kiss over with."

What a liar.

"Your best friend?", he scoffed, raising a brow.

"...'s sister.", you admitted, biting your lip.

"There we go. Cassie Howard isn't a bad choice for a first kiss."

You shook your head. "Yeah, I know. Just felt weird. Like I was betraying Lexi or something. You never go for the sisters, y'know?"

Oof. Right in the heart. It was like it was directed at him.

"Yeah, but you weren't dating her."

"Well, yeah, but it's the principle."

He exhaled, before taking another sip. "Tell ya what. I'll drive Rue and you home. Get the stick outta your ass.", he muttered, pulling out a packet of pre-rolleds.

"Wh- no, what? You want me stoned in a car with a recovering addict?"

Okay. Fine. Fair.

"Fine, then here.", he replied, handing you his pocket flask. "It's whiskey, not poison."

You looked at it, contemplating for a while before sighing. "You know where she lives, right?"

"Uh huh."

"And where I- well, yeah, 'course you know where I live.", you mumbled, still gazing at the bottle.

"Don't you trust me?", he asked, softly, tilting his head.

════════════════════ 🔭 ═════════════════════

The door swung open and he stood face-to-face with Maddy, the ex he hadn't seen for almost the entire school year. Well, that she knew of.

"Hey."

"Jesus.", she muttered, gently grabbing you from his arms. You were - surprisingly- still coherent, but you couldn't really be trusted to stand on your own. "The fuck did you drink?"

"Whiskey.", he piped up, handing you over carefully.

"And you just happened to be walking by?"

"No, we were waiting for Rue's drug meeting thing to get over, and we just went a couple blocks away to the beach."

Maddy scoffed, still stroking your hair as she glared at him. "Where you gave her whiskey."

"Well, yeah, she's been stressed the whole week, which you'd know if you cared."

"Oh, please, like you care more about my sister than I do." she spat.

He shoved his hands into his pockets. "I'll see you around, Maddy. Bye, Y/N.", he mumbled, turning around.

See, this was why he had to get you the fuck away from your sister. She'd never trusted anybody in her life, but you were different, you had a heart.

"What did you say to her?", she called as his key turned in his car lock.

To Rue? He'd said that you'd told him to tell you that you had an urgent emergency at the soup kitchen, and to walk herself the fuck home.

"What?"

"She'd never drink while waiting on Rue."

Huh. Okay, fine, so she knew some things about you. But she was your sister, so it was less impressive than how much he knew. So there.

Not that it was a competition.

"I didn't say anything. Told her to get the stick outta her ass."

"Did you like... how did you convince her?"

I asked whether she trusted me and gave her the most solemn look ever.

He shrugged. "Dunno. Guess she needed a break that bad and I'm the only one willing to give her one.", he responded, getting into his car.

That was so badass. Write that down.

════════════════════ 🔭 ═════════════════════

"What now? Does UNICEF need your help?", he groaned, barely holding himself back from yelling.

"I got grounded for being drunk. Maddy tried to sneak me up, but my mom caught me."

He doubted that. Maddy probably took you upstairs slowly on purpose so that you wouldn't be able to come to this party, either.

"Just sneak out. Come on. You've already skipped out on, like, two parties."

"Hey! The first one doesn't count, I wasn't coming to that, anyway, it was finals week!"

Rolling his eyes, he wrapped his arm around your shoulder. "If you come I'll donate to charity.", he whispered in your ear, breathing in the smell of your hair.

You laughed at that, exactly like he wanted. "Is that all you think my life is?"

"Come on. Do it for the kids."

"I've never snuck out before."

"Maddy'll teach you, I'm sure.", he scoffed, shooing you off to your next class. "She's coming anyway."

"You're an ass."

"Badge of honour, baby!", he called, waving. Okay. This was good. Finally.

---

Watching McKay do a keg stand wasn't exactly on his bucket list for the night, but hey, he had to do something until you arrived.

He looked down at his watch. When he'd passed by your house, he'd watched you getting dressed through your window. Maddy was doing her makeup in the room next to yours.

That was a half hour ago. The drive from your place to McKay's wasn't even fifteen minutes. So where the hell were you? He was looking around - had been since he'd arrived - for your blue dr-- oh.

What an idiot. It's possible you'd changed after he had left. Right. So blue dress not counted. Now he was left just looking for you.

Logical deduction suggested you'd already showed up, but then again, you could be in a bathroom, seeing as you seemed so nervous about sneaking out perfectly that you hadn't really had the time to put on makeup yet.

Not that you needed it. But still. Would look nice.

And he was right.

You were right there, cutting uncomfortably through the crowds, beelining to the bathroom. He called your name, but the music drowned him out. Fine. Whatever.

He stopped the bathroom door from closing behind you. "There you are."

You watched him through the mirror, before turning around. "Have you seen Rue?!", you called, your phone to your ear.

Unacceptable. Un-fucking-acceptable. You cannot be this selfless. It's actually unhealthy.

"No, why?" He fought a frustrated eye roll. Let her OD, at least the rest of the town could have some semblance of peace once she's dead!

"She's here, that I know, but she isn't responding to any of my texts! Or calls.", you added, gesturing at the phone by your ear. "Straight to voicemail."

"She's probably just having fun, like you should probably be doing.", he reasoned, gently taking the phone from you and ending the call, shoving the thing into his back pocket.

"I told her not to come."

"Then she should have fucking listened. Hey- hey, it's not your fault that she doesn't take care of herself.", he whispered, his thumbs rubbing arcs on your cheeks. "Why are you so... just relax.", he murmured, kissing your forehead.

"No, Nate, you don't get it, she came because she thinks she's ready, and that she knows if anything goes wrong, I'm right here."

"Look, you can't let people depend on you so much, you're going to lose your shit. Trust me, I know. My mother doesn't have anything but me and my brother, and it's hell. She doesn't take care of herself, she lets our Dad walk all over her-", he muttered, still wondering how you're, yet again, effortlessly making him say shit he's never told another soul.

"But what if something goes wrong?"

"Nothing's going to go wrong."

"Hey, last time she was at a party, she met this weird kid Elliot, who got her hooked again."

"She won't relapse. It won't happen. You're right here."

"I'm not with her, though."

"You don't need to be. She's a big girl, she'll take care of herself. And besides, you won't be there with her her whole life, will you? Making sure she's sober. She'll graduate this year and go to college. She isn't going to depend on a high schooler to keep her safe all the way in college, is she?"

He can tell that you fully understand what he's saying, and that you even agreed, to an extent, but he certainly didn't blame you for not accepting it. You were just unnecessarily caring, almost to a fault.

This was all you knew.

"You need someone to take care of you, too, sometimes.", he said, bending his head so he was now looking up at you, from where he had you perched on the countertop. "Yeah?"

"What? What are you even- look, you're wasting time, Nate, I don't want her relapsing, I cant- I know it's selfish, but I can't go through all that with her again, Nate--"

Selfish? You were the antonym of that word, and it was disgusting that you couldn't even see it.

"I get it. Sometimes you need a break, too. Need someone to love on you. Need to know that what you're doing isn't thankless."

You looked down at him, a soft frown on your face that he wanted to hug off you.

"I can see it. You're not denying it.", he teased sing-songily, tapping your nose.

You grinned softly, trying your damndest to hide it. "Shut up."

"You're a good person, whether you're on Rue-watch 24/7, or looking out for your sister so that she doesn't get abducted by the guys she fucks, or being the most charitable bitch this side of... well... Earth.", he chuckled.

"Do you have a point? Or are you just doing the pedestal thing again?"

"My point is this."

Kissing you was exactly how he'd imagined it would be. Smooth, slow and correct. Not correct as in he was doing it correctly - god, he fucking hoped he was - no, correct as in this was probably the only purpose he'd had for his life.

He could feel you shifting away, and he shook his head. "No. No, no, no. Don't. The sister card's not gonna work."

"But it's valid.", you murmured, trying to pull away as he pulled you closer.

"No, the fuck it isn't.", he replied against your lips, pulling you toward the edge of the counter. "Shut up."

"That's mean."

"Yeah? Well, so are you. How's that for a pedestal?", he asked, his lips on your shoulder. "Look.", he sighed, finally, finally able to bring himself to look at your face. "Just say yes."

"To what?"

He scoffed. "World peace. What do you think? Me."

"You?"

He nodded, attempting to fix your hair as best he could. "I care, see?"

"Oh, sorry, yes, messing up my hair is, like, peak boyfriend."

"Fixing it is. I don't do that for anyone.", he retorted, kissing your forehead again. "One date."

"'One date' is wild. Because that'll totally convince me.", you laughed, and he tsked, shaking his head.

"You're not funny. Seriously. Like, one date. And it's gonna be completely secret. No Maddy messing with us. No Rue messing with us. No Cassie. No... no one else."

It had just occurred to him how many people really had messed with his life so far. No longer.

"One date?"

Huh, wow. You were considering it. That's more than he'd expected from you.

"One.", he assured.

"One."

════════════════════ 🔭 ═════════════════════

"I am?"

"Yeah, like, way different than what I thought you'd be like. Your whole thing was like, asshole."

One date had turned to a second, a third, and now, here he was, on the same beach with you again, watching you smoke the pre-rolled cig you'd declined a couple months ago.

"Can't say you're that different than I thought, though. You're exactly who you seem to be."

"Is that good or bad?"

"I don't know, you tell me.", he grinned, taking the blunt back from you.

"Aren't you the expert on all this personality stuff?"

He chuckled. "There's only one thing I am - and want to be - the expert on."

"What's that?"

"You."

He was, and, if his plans went well, he would continue to be. He could one-up your sister, he could one-up Rue Bennett, he could one-up every single loser in town.

Because he'd know everything about you.

He'd know you.

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karasuno-planet · 7 months ago

Text

Taking care of you

Kageyama x manager!reader who gets migraines !

warnings: migraine pain, vision loss

wc: 0.8k

summary: self-assured reader gets a horrible migraine and needs help, despite never asking for it. (pre-established relationship w/ kageyama) (fem!reader)

a/n: I LOVE THE HAIKYUU FANDOM SMMMM <333 you guys are my favs. requests open !! and the tsukki academic rivals fic is in the works for anyone wondering...

(gif not mine !)

One thing you had quickly learned while dating Kageyama is that he's not one for public displays of affection. You certainly weren't secret, hell pretty much everyone knew and was talking about you two, but you kept it private. Especially in front of his opponents. That's why it came as such a shock when you felt his arms aroudn you suddenly in the middle of a practice match.

To say you had a migraine that day was an understatement. Three days into the trining camp, in excruciating heat working late to help the team reform their entire strategies form the bottom up— you were exhausted.

But you were used to the migraines. It was something you could handle. The team is already under so much stress, especially Tobio. His sets hadn't been satisfactory, and he was re-learning everything he already knew from scratch. You couldn't imagine the pressure you knew he already felt, so keeping the pressure of your aching head a secret was nothing in comparison.

That doesn't mean nobody noticed, though. Walking into the first practice set of the day, Coach Ukai made a comment.

"Y/n, are you feeling okay?"

"Yes! Feeling good..."

"Okay, just let me know if you need to take a breather or something."

Had you already been exposed? The last thing you wanted was to be a burden on the team, but the floaters in your vision were a bit hard to ignore. And when the ringing in your ears set in, it got worse. Much worse.

By the third set of the day, you weren't faring well. You stood on the sidelines, taking notes on gameplay, when your vision started to black out completely. You widened your eyes to realize you couldn't see a thing. Your head pounding, you focused all your energy on just staying on your feet.

A deep voice yelled out, "Y/n? Are you okay?"

You recognized it as Daichi's voice, "Don't worry Daichi, I'm just fine..."

You heard Asahi chime in, "uh.. That was Kuroo talking...on the other side of the court..."

Before you knew it, Kageyama rushed off the court, running towards you and supporting you with his hand on your back, "Damn y/n, you can't see a thing, can you?" You recognized his touch and sent in front of you immediately.

"I'm okay, really."

"Sure.." he dismissed you. "I've got you okay? Must be scary, not being able to see..." he mumbled. "Can you walk if I support you? Here.." He started slowly helping you walk towards the exit of the gym.

"KAGEYAMA!" Hinata shouted, "What's going on??"

He sighed, looking back at the court, "She gets bad migraines, but she'll be okay, don't worry."

There was a collective sigh and chatter resumed across the volleyball court now that everyone understood the issue. Some players were wishing you well, but you could hear next to nothing with the ringing in your ears.

"I'm walking her to her room," Kageyama declared to Coach Ukai before continuing to support you to walk.

"Yeah, yeah, okay. SUGAWARA, get in there."

Suga jolted into action, stepping onto the court to fill Kageyama's place.

And that's the last moment you could clearly make out before you woke up.

You were laying on your back, a cold towel draped across your forehead and a blanket over your body. Tobio sat on the floor next to your bed, and turned around to face you quickly when you heard you moving.

"Y/n," he whispered. "Here, have some water." He handed you a bottle of ice water and you took a couple sips.

"Thank you..."

"No problem, but, why didn't you tell me something was wrong?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to distract you."

"That's ridiculous, your migraines are serious and I deserve to know."

"You're right, I'm sorry."

You felt his hand slowly wrap around yours, "No, I...I've been so stressed out and mad at myself I didn't even realize what that might do to you. So absorbed in my own world..."

"My migraine is not your fault Tobio."

"Drink some more," he pushed the water towards you, noticeably keepin ghis voice low and soft to not irritate your head.

You took another sip and sighed, "I'm serious. You have nothing to do with it."

"Regardless, I have everything to do with it now. I'm not leaving your side until you're back to one hundred percent, okay?"

"You don't need to do that."

"But I'm going to," he assured you, squeezing your hand tightly in his, "besides, I'm lucky to be your nurse when you've got quite a few people eager to see you..."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but I don't think those guys have ever whispered in their lives," he chuckled softly, "I told them to piss off until I say you're ready."

"You're the best, Tobio."

"I know."

Before you could even open your mouth to thank him, he pressed a quick kiss to your cheek and set you back in your thoughts.

"I don't mind taking care of you, you know."

[masterlist]

#haikyuu #hq #haikyu!!#kageyama tobio #tobio kageyama #kageyama tobio x reader #kageyama x reader #kageyama haikyuu #kageyama tobio x y/n #kageyama tobio x you #karasuno #kageyama x y/n #hq kageyama #kageyama hq #kageyama fluff

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voxslays · 3 months ago

Text

Under the Weather…

Featuring >>> Vox x Reader; In which, you are having trouble at work, trying to manage your massive migraine and a report, until Vox notices.

You were Vox’s head assistant. Your job was managing his schedule, watching his other assistants, writing weekly reports, and monitoring his social media accounts. It doesn’t sound that hard. Lately, you had been feeling a little under the weather though, and had been finding it harder and harder to focus on scheduling and Voxtok feeds as you felt the sharp stabbing pains of a migraine. You had tried to be discreet for the past two weeks, but something in your boss's gaze tells you your plan has failed.

Vox walks towards you, a smug look on his face as he notices your pale complexion and the way you're rubbing your temples. “Ah, ah, ah, look at you, my dear. You don't look so well. Maybe you should sit down before you pass out.” Vox says, his signature smile prominent on his flatscreen face. “I’m alright sir, truly. I just need to finish this report-” Vox interrupts you, shaking his head slowly. “Let’s get to the point, shall we? Why did you come into work today?” He asks, his smile fading a little as he walks closer to you “And please, don’t call me sir, you know better than that.”

“Sorry, Vox.” You correct yourself. “I came here because I need to work? I need to do my job.” You say, as a half-question, half-statement. Vox chuckles, shaking his head. “Oh, you need to work? Well, well, well. It seems my darling is getting a bit forgetful.” He leans in close, his voice dropping to a low, dangerous whisper. His smile returns, but it doesn't reach his eyes as he looks at you intensely. "You know, I've been watching you.” He says your name softly, his entire demeanor becoming gentler. “Noticing how distracted you've been lately with those migraines." He reaches out and gently caresses your cheek with the back of his hand.

“I’m sorry.” Vox's hand lingers on your cheek, his thumb brushing against your skin. “You're always apologizing, aren't you? Always putting others before yourself.” He sighs, his expression softening further. “It’s going to get you killed down here.” Vox's other hand reaches out and grabs your chin, forcing you to look at him. "I know you're not well, and I know you've been neglecting yourself because you think you need to keep up this facade." He leans in closer, you can feel the warmth of his fans as he breathes a mellowness against your face. He pauses, his eyes searching yours as if waiting for an answer. When none comes, he continues. "So, I'm giving you the rest of the week off. No arguments." Vox releases your chin and steps back, his expression unreadable.

“What!? But sir-” Vox cuts you off, his voice firm. "Not a word. You're going home, and you're going to rest. That's an order." He turns and walks back to the door, opening it and gesturing for you to leave. "Now." You lower your head, looking at the ground. “Yes Vox.” You quietly mutter. You begrudgingly exit his office and walk into the main lobby of the floor, pressing the elevator’s button. As you wait for the elevator, Vox calls out to you. "If I find out you came back to work early, I swear..." He trails off, leaving the threat hanging in the air. "Just rest, okay?" He says gently.

“I will.” You say as you step into the elevator with a group of other employees and disappear from sight. As the elevator doors close, Vox lets out a sigh of relief, the facade of the cold, unfeeling overlord Vox dropping away. "Please be alright.” He says, as he watches you slowly walk to your car in the parking lot. His breath deepens as he watches you get in and drive away, hoping you’ll be better soon.

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stemcellee · 2 months ago

Text

november 25 2024

i haven't really put a lot of words out there recently but i think i finally have something to get off my chest after thinking about it for a while...and to avoid spam it's under the cut D:

happy holidays to everyone though can't believe the season is already here!!!

med school is so hard!! i admit when i first got in, i was like "im not gonna let it get to me. i have amazing stress management skills and i'll handle everything so well!!" and then i fought a lot with dissapointment in myself when i was struggling with things i never imagined.

stuff i feel like i wasn't prepared for:

the constant worry about not doing enough. you see snippets of other people's lives when they are productive and it makes you feel like everyone is so much more productive than you

how hard it can be to compartmentalized. both ways!! when i'm relaxing ("relaxing") i'm planning how to somehow be productive while relaxing. when i'm working, im wishing so bad i had spent my relaxing time ACtually relaxing

attachment. this feels like such a personal problem but when i'm doing practice questions the clinical vignette is consistently similar to people in my life who have been affected by the pathologies i'm about to be tested on. a 70 year old woman with hypertension and diabetes...succumbs to decompensated heart failure. a 50 year old woman has bouts of angina...and suffers a massive MI. a 60 year old male is rushed to the hospital for chest pain...and dies of ventricular arrythmia an hour later. it's so scary thinking about how your parents and loved ones could be those patients!! it motivates me to make sure i learn these things for my future patients but it's sad carrying this around. i guess this is part of why i went to med school anyways...

how easy it is to forget about yourself. i will have days of highly productive focused studying/work but suddenly will get slapped with an unexpected migraine. i am getting a lot better about this but i have to remember that working out, eating well, etc are not wastes of time. i need to preserve myself most importantly becasue without me, i can't even do any of this!!

last thing. projection. i find myself making up problems sometimes that i think is a coping mechanism for projecting my own frustrations into something to blame. like studying is tough and i get frustrated that it doesn't come as easily to me sometimes, so i feel upset that things aren't how i expected them to be, like if i had more support id be happier/better at studying etc. while that's true, i recognize it's also a coping mechanism to place the blame externally...

anyways yeah there are a lot of things i've been thinking about in the thick of it all. med school is not what i expected it to be, and i really cannot blame others for not knowing what to expect either because truly you cannot anticipate how you will feel. thanks for reading it's been a min

#studyblr #study #studyspo #studying #studyspiration #life #college #med school #medical school #medblr #med student #medical student #aesthetic #study motivation

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kaleidoscopecth · 9 days ago

Text

Something for the Pain

MDNI

pairing: luke hemmings x reader

summary: a splitting headache has you looking for something, anything, to stop the pain. luckily for you, luke is always willing to help.

warnings: oral (f receiving), dirty talk, subby luke, mommy kink, desperate and needy luke, happy ending massage (?)

word count: 5.4k

a/n: happy new year pookies! i honestly can’t begin to describe how thankful i am for all of the support my writing has received since i started posting on here. hopefully i can get more blurbs out— and soon, that calum fic. anyway, this was a request, but i took some liberties since i wasn’t super excited to write period sex (don’t think i ever will ngl) but i still hope u enjoy!!

as always, thank u for reading and to my two friends who helped me come up w the plot for this. you know who you are ;)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Every breath you took, every blink, sent a fresh wave of pain ricocheting through your skull. You couldn’t pinpoint exactly when it started. Maybe it was during the final descent, the plane’s cabin pressure clawing at your temples. Or maybe it was the hours leading up to it—the sleepless night, the lack of water, or the mounting exhaustion of the journey.

By the time you stepped off the plane with your friends, the faint pulse of a headache had already begun to bloom behind your eyes. But what started as a dull ache soon unraveled into an all-encompassing, throbbing migraine.

Now, you sat slumped in the bed of your hotel room, blinds drawn tight against the snowy glare outside. Your eyes remained shut as you wrestled with the unrelenting pain, trying to block out the world beyond the pounding in your head.

It was Calum’s birthday trip. This whole escapade had been meticulously planned by an overly eager Ashton and Luke, who’d insisted on the novelty of a winter getaway. You and Michael had been swept along in their enthusiasm, though neither of you had much interest in winter sports.

“Ashton thinks Calum needs a change,” Luke had reasoned during the endless group chat debates. “He’s always had summer birthdays. Let’s give him a proper winter wonderland for once.”

It wasn’t exactly a bad idea—on paper, at least. But the journey to the hotel had been its own kind of trial. Fans swarmed the boys at the terminal, their excitement only amplified by the festive mood. Luke and Ashton handled the crowd with ease, chatting and signing autographs, while Michael managed a few tired smiles. You, however, could barely keep your grimace at bay as each flash of a camera sent fresh jolts of pain behind your eyes.

You worried that your mood might be misinterpreted. The last thing you needed was people twisting your obvious discomfort into something malicious, another rumor or misstep in the public eye. But for now, none of that mattered. All you wanted was a moment of quiet to try and claw your way back to some ounce of normalcy.

You fell back on your bed, forcing your mind to think of ways to ease the pain. You had already tried some ibuprofen, but your mind failed to come up with more alternatives.

Luke had noticed something was wrong, he always noticed when something was wrong. His eyes would get all worried, glazed over with anxiety as he tried to figure out why you were in such a foul mood. He was always so attentive when it came to you, so sweet.

You met the band when they signed your shoegaze group to their record label. Although the deal didn’t last, the friendship that came out of it certainly did. You played bass—a fact that, for some reason, seemed to strike a chord with Luke from the start.

What followed was an unusual friendship. Luke gravitated toward you in a way that was hard to ignore, and you were more than sure he had a crush on you. Subtlety was never his strong suit, after all.

It started small—just little frowns tugging at his pink lips whenever someone mentioned another guy’s name or the lingering glances he’d send your way. But slowly, it escalated. The frowns turned into sharp quips about their character, jokes veiled as casual observations about how no one seemed good enough for you.

Then came the parade of girls—each one with the same eye color, the same hair, the same biting wit. They never stayed long, thankfully. Still, it felt ridiculous to think Luke Hemmings, of all people, might actually want you—a shy bassist in a band still struggling to take off. And yet, the thought burrowed into your mind like an itch you couldn’t scratch, always there, always nagging.

When it was just the two of you, it was different. Luke seemed mesmerized by you, his eyes tracing the movements of your fingers over your bass strings, hanging onto your words like they were rare treasures. It was flattering. It was terrifying.

He’d tried to follow you to your room earlier offering to keep you company. But the thought of him seeing you so raw, so vulnerable, was unbearable. You forced a fake smile, brushed aside the dull ache in your chest, and politely declined.

It wasn’t ideal, not by any stretch. You craved company—craved him—but the weight of your misery felt too heavy to share.

So, you decided to lie down, all the blinds drawn shut, and hope—pray—for the ibuprofen to finally kick in. Sooner or later, you were certain, the pain would ease. In the meantime, you busied yourself by mentally planning your outfit for the birthday dinner you still hoped to attend.

You weren’t exactly sure how much time had passed since you first collapsed onto the hotel bed, but the knock at the door shattered the fragile quiet. Squeezing your eyes shut, you willed yourself to ignore it, hoping whoever it was would go away.

But the knock came again, louder this time, insistent.

Your eyes snapped open, staring at the darkened ceiling as another knock echoed through the room. “Y/N?” Luke’s voice cut through the quiet, sharp and clear, sending a fresh wave of pain ricocheting through your skull. Wincing, you pushed yourself upright in bed.

“What do you want?” you called out, not bothering to mask the irritation in your tone. Luke was a puppy—probably the kindest, most caring person you’d ever met. Even if your annoyance slipped through now, he’d likely shrug it off, understanding the circumstances later.

But instead of his usual easy response, silence followed. A beat passed, long enough for a twinge of guilt to creep in. Regret began clouding your thoughts as you replayed what you’d said, wondering if you’d gone too far.

“Are you okay?” Luke’s voice finally broke the stillness, softer now, almost cautious. You could picture him perfectly: standing just outside the door, biting the corner of his lip where a lip ring once sat, waiting in tentative silence.

With a defeated sigh, you swung your legs over the side of the bed and padded softly to the door. Cracking it open with caution, you winced as the bright hallway light pierced through the darkness of the room, intensifying the ache in your head.

Luke’s eyebrows shot up the moment he saw your expression, concern etched into his features. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, his eyes darting across your face, searching for any clues that might explain your obvious discomfort.

You closed your eyes and leaned your head against the doorframe. “I have a headache from hell,” you muttered, rubbing at one eye with your knuckle.

“Damn,” Luke murmured, his voice low with sympathy. “How long have you been feeling like this?”

Pushing off the doorframe, you shuffled back to the bed and collapsed face-first onto the mattress. The sudden movement made the throbbing in your skull even worse. You heard Luke’s footsteps draw closer, then felt the bed dip as he laid down beside you.

Slowly, you turned your head to look at him. His wide blue eyes were full of concern, his blonde curls falling messily against the bedspread. Up close, you could see the faint stubble dusting his jaw and cheeks, and your fingers itched with the impulse to reach out feel it beneath your fingertips.

“Since we got to the airport,” you admitted. “It’s been getting worse all day. By the time we got here, I was barely able to stand.”

Luke let out a quiet huff through his nose, his fingers tapping absentmindedly on the mattress. “What about tonight?” he asked gently. “Do you think you’ll be able to make it?”

You let out a bitter laugh, immediately regretting it as another sharp ripple of pain shot through your skull. “Thank God Calum’s birthday isn’t today, because at this point, I don’t even know if I’d make it.”

Luke’s lips twisted into a concerned frown. “Have you tried anything to make it go away?”

“Luke, do you really think I’m choosing to suffer like this?” you scoffed, shaking your head. “I took some ibuprofen earlier, but it didn’t help much. I’ve been wracking my brain for home remedies, but nothing’s working.”

Luke hummed thoughtfully. “I heard drinking water can help,” he suggested, a hint of optimism in his tone. “Or maybe a massage? I think I even read somewhere that eating almonds helps.”

You let out an irritated breath and shifted onto your side, pillowing your head on your arm. For a brief moment, you thought you caught Luke’s eyes flick down to your chest, slightly more on display from your position, but the glance was so quick you couldn’t be certain.

“I’ve been drinking water,” you mumbled dejectedly. “Hate almonds. But a massage sounds… nice. Don’t really feel like hunting down spa services, though.”

Luke was quiet for a moment, staring down at the mattress. He shifted slightly before mumbling something, his voice too low for you to catch.

You raised an eyebrow. “Lu, I can’t hear a word you’re saying.”

He let out a loud huff and repeated himself, this time louder but still hesitant. “I said… I could give you the massage.” His voice wavered slightly, and he avoided meeting your gaze.

His offer caught you off guard. For a few beats, you just stared at him, unsure if he was serious. But with your head pounding relentlessly, you couldn’t see any reason to refuse. “Alright,” you finally said, clearing your throat. “There’s lotion in my carry-on bag. Go grab it.”

Luke’s eyes widened a fraction, but he nodded quickly and scrambled off the bed in a flurry of gangly limbs. He switched on the lamp by the bedside table—thankfully not too bright—and rummaged through your bag with fumbling hands. After a few failed attempts, he finally pulled out the bottle of lotion. “Got it!” he announced, a triumphant grin tugging at his lips.

“Good.” You sat up in the bed and shot him a pointed look. “Now turn around.”

Luke blinked, his grin faltering. “Why?”

You motioned toward the lotion in his hand. “Because I’m taking my shirt off?”

His cheeks flushed a vivid pink, and his mouth fell open slightly in surprise. “What?”

“You heard me,” you said, raising an eyebrow as you caught the sudden flustered state Luke had taken on. “Did you really think a massage would work if I kept my shirt on?”

Luke swallowed hard, shaking his head. “N-no,” he stammered. “I guess not.” His hand shot up to scratch the back of his neck, the flush spreading from his cheeks to his ears.

“Good,” you replied with a small, teasing smile, rolling your eyes. “Unless that’s an issue for you?”

His eyes widened as if you’d accused him of something. “No!” he blurted, then winced at how loud he sounded. “I mean… no, it’s not a problem.”

You bit back a laugh, too entertained by how flustered he was, and motioned for him to turn around. With a sheepish nod, Luke spun on his heel, facing the wall. Once he was out of sight, you pulled the hem of your shirt up and over your head before lying back down on your stomach.

“Alright,” you called softly, glancing over your shoulder. “Come on.”

Luke turned back around hesitantly, his gaze flickering between your face and the bed as he stepped closer. His cheeks were still rosy, but he managed to set the lotion bottle down on the nightstand without fumbling.

“Where should I start?” he asked, his voice quieter now. His eyes lingered for a moment on the strap of your bra before darting away, and you appreciated the fact that he seemed to be making an effort to remain respectful.

You shrugged slightly, resting your head on your arms. “You’re the one who suggested this, remember? Maybe my shoulders? Anywhere that might distract me from the headache.”

Luke nodded, though you could see the tension in his jaw as he picked up the lotion and squirted some into his hands. You closed your eyes, feeling the shift of the bed as he knelt beside you.

When his fingers finally touched your skin, they were tentative, almost featherlight. You suppressed a shiver at the warmth of his hands but couldn’t help the small hum of appreciation that escaped your lips.

“You can press harder,” you murmured, opening one eye to glance back at him.

Luke met your gaze, and the sight of him made your breath hitch. His cheeks were still flushed, his mouth slightly parted, and his baby-blue eyes had taken on a darker, more intense hue. “Okay,” he said softly, his voice nearly a whisper, as his fingers pressed more firmly into the muscles of your back.

You sighed blissfully, letting your eyes drift closed. He worked with surprising skill, easing the tension in your shoulders with slow, deliberate movements. But then his fingers brushed against the strap of your bra, and you heard him suck in a sharp breath.

“Y/N,” he said, his voice shaky. “I— I’m sorry, but—”

You turned your head slightly, meeting his uncertain gaze. “What’s wrong?”

Luke bit the inside of his cheek, his eyes flickering between your back and the mattress. “Your bra,” he mumbled, barely audible. “It’s kinda… in the way.”

You raised an eyebrow, fighting back a smirk at his hesitation. “So take it off,” you said simply, your voice soft yet firm.

Luke let out a small, choked sound, his ears turning crimson. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, Luke,” you assured him, turning your head away again to give him permission.

You felt his hands tremble slightly as he reached for the clasp, carefully undoing it with a soft click. There was a strange, charged silence as he worked, as if both of you were hyperaware of the situation.

Awkwardly, you shimmied the straps off and tugged the bra free without exposing yourself, tossing it aside. The cool air against your skin made you shiver slightly, but Luke’s hands returned quickly, steady and warm.

“Better?” you asked quietly, your voice softer than before.

“Yea—yeah,” Luke murmured, pressing harder on your back.

The ache in your head was still there, but it had faded enough to be manageable. Luke's breathing had grown heavier, and his hands lingered a little longer as they moved over your skin. You could feel the press of his knee against your hip, and though you couldn't see him, you could picture the concentrated look on his face—the flush still painting his cheeks, the way his lips parted as he breathed.

A warmth began to build inside you, unexpected and entirely uninvited. It was startling to feel this way with a headache still dulling your senses, but given the circumstances—being half-naked with Luke's hands roaming your back—it wasn't entirely shocking.

That's when you remembered a little fun fact about orgasms relieving pain. A ridiculous idea briefly bloomed in your mind before you immediately shot it down. You focused instead on clinging to your composure, determined to let Luke finish the massage without letting your thoughts spiral any further.

But then he pressed on a particularly tense spot near your shoulder blade, and a soft moan escaped your lips before you could stop it.

Luke's hands stilled on your back instantly, his breathing audibly heavier. The air in the room seemed to shift, tension crackling in the silence.

Neither of you spoke, and just as you started to second-guess your reaction, Luke's hands began to move again. His touch was slower now, more deliberate, and the curiosity bubbling inside you became harder to ignore.

Deciding to test the waters, “Luke,” you let out a soft sigh with his name. “That feels good.”

His hands froze again, and you heard him exhale shakily. “Yeah?” he asked, his tone raw and breathless.

His fingers resumed their movements, but this time they dipped lower, brushing just above the waistband of your sweatpants.

“Mhm,” you hummed, letting your eyes flutter shut, fully aware of the effect you were having on him.

His hands hovered over the small of your back, and his touch grew more needy by the second. He seemed almost desperate, pressing down on the spots that had made you let out soft contented sighs as if he were searching for more.

Every time you gave in, let out little moans accompanied by his name, you could feel him begin to work harder— desperately doing anything to hear you sigh his name. It was undeniable now, the heat that pooled in your lower stomach as he continued.

“Lu,” you said softly. “I was thinking.”

Luke’s hands didn’t falter, nimble fingers working out the knots in your muscles. “About what?” his voice was strained with what you hoped was desire, tinged by the heavy breathing.

“Orgasms are known to be a pain reliever,” you turned back to face him, not missing the way his eyes widened. He was still blushing, and when your eyes took in the rest of him, you didn’t fail to notice the way he strained against his pants.

He didn’t reply, but you didn’t need him to. “But you already knew that, didn’t you?” You asked breathlessly, biting your lip as you let your eyes linger on the tent in his own sweatpants.

Luke’s eyes followed your gaze, and he yanked his hands back to cover himself. “Y/N, oh my God, I am so sorry—“

Your throat went dry, watching as Luke scrambled to get away from you. You slid up from your position on your stomach, sitting on your knees as you reached for Luke’s hand. His eyes immediately flickered down to your exposed chest, and you gripped his wrist.

“Were you thinking about it, Luke?” You asked softly, looking up at him through half lidded eyes. “Were you thinking about touching me… making me come? Did all my little noises help your fantasies baby?”

Luke swallowed thickly, his gaze darting away before meeting yours again. “Fuck.”

You scooted closer to the edge of the bed, taking his hand. “When I took off my bra, I knew you got worked up. You wanted to see me, hmm?”

The way Luke’s eyes had glazed over was intoxicating, his eyebrows furrowing into an almost pained look as he nodded slowly. You took this as a sign to continue. “You wanted to touch me?”

Luke nodded.

“Say it baby,” you whispered.

Swallowing thickly, he nodded rapidly. “Fuck— yeah,” his breath hitched as you slowly moved his hand closer to your chest. Your heart beat rapidly as you met Luke’s gaze.

“Show me how you wanted to touch me,” you instructed, letting go of his wrist. His hand hovered over your breast, and Luke licked his lips before tentatively touching your skin. The second his fingers brushed against your soft flesh, he let out a strained moan, squeezing slightly, his fingers grazing over your nipple.

Your head fell back, a soft moan slipping from your lips as you guided Luke's other hand to your chest. His wide, blue eyes were heavy with desire as he gasped, “Fuck, Y/N, you're so hot.” His voice was laced with need. “Can I-?”

You nodded, and he didn't hesitate. Leaning down, he wrapped his lips around your hardened nipple, his groan muffled against your skin. The sensation sent a shiver through you, and you moaned his name as his tongue swirled expertly, teasing and soft.

Slowly, he lowered you onto the bed, his mouth switching to your other nipple while his fingers pinched and rolled the one he'd just left, making your back arch.

“You wanna help with my headache?” you teased, your voice breaking into soft moans.

Luke let out another muffled groan, his mouth never leaving your chest. “Make me come,” you added with a smirk, tugging gently at his curls.

That was all it took. A low, desperate sound left him as he pushed you back down onto the mattress, his large hands trembling as they roamed over your body with unrestrained hunger. “Please let me taste you,” he whimpered, his voice breaking into your collarbone as he kissed and sucked at the delicate skin, leaving marks with each pass of his mouth.

You gazed down at him, tugging harder on his curls and making him whimper against you. “Make this headache go away, baby boy,” you whispered, your words electrifying him. His reaction was instant—he slid your sweatpants down your legs with feverish urgency.

“I'm gonna make you feel so good,” he murmured, almost incoherently, his breath hot against your skin. “Fuck, I'll make that headache go away, I swear.”

You watched, breathless, as he tugged your underwear down, leaving you completely exposed beneath him. His gaze was heavy with devotion and lust, and you let your head fall back against the pillow, commanding softly, “tease me a little.”

Luke whimpered at your words, his desperation palpable as he leaned down, dragging his tongue in a long, deliberate stripe along the inside of your thigh. The warmth of his mouth left goosebumps in its wake, your body trembling under his touch. When you looked down, his eyes were nearly black, pupils blown wide, glazed with arousal.

“Now kiss your way there,” you said, your voice a sultry encouragement that had him obeying immediately. His lips trailed reverent kisses across your folds and inner thighs, his breath fanning hotly against your skin. You could feel his restraint faltering, his need undeniable.

“Please,” he begged, looking up at you, his features twisted in desperation. “Please let me taste you. I-I need to.”

Your breath caught when you noticed one of his hands had drifted between his legs, palming himself through his sweats as he begged for permission. The sight made your stomach tighten with want. Without a word, you grabbed a fistful of his hair and guided his mouth to the aching heat between your legs.

Luke's lips wrapped around your clit, and the sensation was immediate and overwhelming. You let out a sharp moan, your back arching off the bed as his tongue worked against you with fervor. His muffled groans vibrated against your sensitive skin, and his eyes fluttered shut, as though he was savoring every second of having you like this.

You could hear Luke groaning against you, low and desperate as you writhed beneath him. His sounds were mainly muffled by your body, his tongue working on you eagerly and leaving you breathless. He gripped your tights, keeping them open for him as he worked.

“You’re doing so good for me, baby,” youcooed, your voice trembling as a moan escaped your lips. The praise spurred him on, his licks growing faster and more desperate. His shoulders shook with effort, and you could tell his hands weren't just idle —he was touching himself, his movements frantic, his muffled moans vibrating against you.

Luke's eyes fluttered open, locking with yours. His pupils were blown wide with lust, and the sight of his flushed face, lips slick and busy against you, made your breath hitch. He never broke contact, taking your clit into his mouth and sucking gently, the sensation so intense it sent tremors through your legs. His blush deepened, his hand moving even faster, completely lost in his desire to please you.

The sight of him like this—Luke, who always carried himself like he was larger than life, now utterly undone before you—sent a jolt of power and pleasure through you. His need, his complete surrender, was intoxicating. He whimpered against you, his hand wrapped around his cock as he devoured you, and it was a vision you never dared to let yourself dream of before.

Your fingers tangled in his curls, tugging just enough to guide his movements. He let out a needy whine at the pull, his eyes fluttering closed as if your touch alone was enough to send him over the edge. His name fell from your lips in a breathless gasp as your back arched. ”That's it, baby,” you encouraged, your voice heavy with pleasure. “You're making me feel so good.”

Luke whimpered again, the sound shaky and desperate, his hips rocking against the bed as though he couldn't help himself. “You taste so good,” he mumbled, his voice barely audible, muffled against you. “I can't—I need—“ His words dissolved into a whine as his tongue moved faster, his hand gripping your thighs as though he were afraid you might pull away.

You watched as Luke's other hand-—the one wrapped around himself-began moving faster, the desperation evident in every stroke. Your grip on his hair tightened, and you bit your lip as a low whine escaped your throat. Leaning back on one elbow, you adjusted to get a better view of him falling apart beneath you.

His free hand slid up to your chest, kneading the sensitive flesh feverishly as if he couldn't get enough of you. “Oh, fuck,” Luke moaned against you, his voice trembling with need.

“Y/N, fuck, l'm gonna—” His movements faltered momentarily, and then his entire body tensed. A long, muffled whine spilled from his lips as he buried his face between your legs, taking your clit into his mouth as though it were the only thing grounding him. You moaned, the sound mixing with his as you watched his eyes flutter shut, his body shivering under the intensity of his release.

Heat coiled deep in your belly at the sight of him—at the realization that he had been so consumed by pleasuring you that he couldn't even hold back. He had touched himself to the sheer thought of making you feel good, and that fact alone sent a thrill through you.

“Look at you,” you purred, your tone drenched in satisfaction. “Such a good boy for me, making a mess for mommy.”

The word hung in the air, heavy and electrifying. For a moment, Luke froze, his breath catching audibly in his throat. Then, with a deep, shuddering exhale, a broken whimper escaped his lips, his cheeks burning crimson as the flush spread down his neck. His body trembled, every muscle taut, as though the word had unraveled him entirely.

“Gonna make a mess out of you, mommy,” he whined, his lips latching on to your clit again. He worked tirelessly, licking and sucking at your skin. Your body vibrated with pleasure as you arched your back, letting out a crescendo of whimpers.

“You're doing so good, Lu,” you moaned, grinding your hips up against his mouth, desperate for more friction. Luke, catching on to your need, slid his hands up your thighs, steadying you before he slowly slipped a finger inside.

“Oh, fuck,” you gasped, the words spilling out before you could stop them. The stretch sent a shiver through your body, your legs trembling as your eyes fluttered shut. He curled his finger just right, hitting that perfect spot, the motion perfectly timed with the flicks of his tongue against your clit. The combination made your head spin, stars dancing behind your eyelids.

Luke seemed completely lost in you, his own eyes shut tight, savoring every sound and movement you made. His tongue worked you with precision, his devotion clear in every flick and stroke.

Your fingers tangled in his hair, tugging lightly, and he let out a muffled groan against you. The vibration sent a new wave of pleasure through your body, making your back arch. “Just like that, baby,” you whispered, voice shaking. “Don't stop.”

“Never,” he groaned. “I wanna make you come, mommy.” His pace quickened, his finger curling in deeper as he added another one, making your entire body tense.

“Fuck, Luke,” you whimpered, tightening your grip in his hair as your hips continued to buck against him. Each time they did, he let out a small whimper. His tongue never faltered, though, swirling and flicking over your clit in ways that made your eyes shut tightly.

His free hand roamed your body, kneading at your hips and ass, exploring the length of your stomach and reaching up to your chest. When his fingers closed around your nipple, you couldn’t help but cry out.

Luke’s movements were desperate and needy, as if he were worshipping every inch of you. God— the sound she made. Each of his whimpers, the broken moans, the soft sound of his lips as they sucked at your clit or the flicks of his tongue, all drive you closer to the edge.

“Look at you,” you managed to get out, forcing your eyes open to meet Luke’s. “You’re such a good boy for me, such a good little toy for mommy.”

Luke’s eyelashes fluttered as he looked up at you, the look of his blissed out face almost sending you over the edge completely. He had beautiful lips, that was just a fact, but you didn’t know how much you’d enjoy the sight of them working on you— glistening with both you and his spit.

“You’re so good at this,” you praised, the tremor in your voice only proving your point. “Such a good boy, always making me feel so fucking good.”

His moan vibrated through you, and you felt him press harder against your core. His fingers picked up speed, creating a delicious friction that made the coil in your belly tighten, your breathing growing erratic.

“Oh baby, I’m so close,” you gasped, your own hand coming to play with your chest in an effort to facilitate your release. Your tights were trembling against his head, and he groaned in response. His tongue worked tirelessly, his fingers curling in just the right way. “Please don’t stop, don’t you dare stop.”

You watched as Luke shook his head slightly, a muffled, “I won’t,” escaping his lips as he latched on to your clit yet again. This time, he sent you over the edge.

Your back arched with the force of your release, your legs shaking violently as a loud moan ripped from your throat. Your thighs clamped around Luke’s head, keeping him in place as you rode out your high. His hands held you firmly, savoring every bit of your release on his tongue.

As your breathing steadied and your body relaxed, Luke pressed a tender kiss to the inside of your thigh, his gaze shy as he looked up at you. “Did I do okay?” he asked softly, his voice tinged with vulnerability. “Is your headache gone?”

“Fuck,” you said, letting out a breathless laugh, tugging him up by his curls until his lips met yours. The kiss was messy and heated, and you could taste yourself on him as your fingers tightened in his hair. Luke let out a quiet groan, kissing you back feverishly, his hands sliding to your waist to pull you closer.

“Headache's gone,” you murmured against his lips, brushing a stray curl from his face. His cheeks were flushed, his gaze wide and filled with awe as he looked at you. “You did so well for me, baby. I'm proud of you.”

His lips curled into a bashful smile, and he buried his face in the crook of your neck, peppering kisses along your skin. “I've had a crush on you for the longest time,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

A soft hum escaped you as your hands ran soothingly over his back. “I know,” you said simply, a teasing smile tugging at your lips.

He pulled back just enough to look at you, his brows lifting in surprise. “You knew?”

You nodded, letting your palm rest against his cheek. “Of course, I did,” you replied gently. “How could I not? I can’t say I don’t feel the same way, especially when you're so eager to please and look the way you do. But it's more than that, Luke. It's you—just you.”

The blush that spread across his face was endearing, painting his cheeks and the tips of his ears a deep pink. He bit his lip and let out a soft, nervous giggle, his eyes briefly darting away before coming back to yours.

Your gaze shifted downward, and the sight of him still painfully hard stirred a pang of sympathy-and desire-in you. Leaning closer, you brushed your lips against his ear, your voice dropping to a sultry whisper. “Tell you what,” you murmured, trailing your fingers lightly down his chest. “You were such a good boy for me, Luke. When we come back later, how about we take care of that little problem you've got between your legs? What do you say, baby?”

His breath hitched, and he let out a small, needy whimper, nodding eagerly. “Y—Yes, please,” he stammered, his voice trembling with anticipation.

You smiled, kissing him again. “Good.”

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

hope u enjoyed 😁🫶 might make a pt 2 to this using another request but idk

51 notes · View notes

99zurins · 2 years ago

Text

summary: wonwoo knows a lot, especially how your thoughts get into your head. when he knows you had a bad week, he wants to shower you with the gentle love you always give him when his thoughts get into his head.

note: god its been ages since i posted but alas!! this was a request for a friend of mine, and it helped me get out of my writing slump. enjoy <3

pair: f!reader x jeon wonwoo

tags: soft bf!wonwoo, SMUT (minors dni), communication during sex, kink exploration, spit, slight choking, dirty talk, slight degradation, multiple positions (sorta), safe sex, oral (both m. and f. receiving), fingering (f. receiving), orgasm denial, edging, pet names (wonwoo calls reader baby, sweetheart, good girl, princess), soft dom!wonwoo, reader goes into subspace, wonwoo takes care of reader, reader works at a clinic

word count: 6.9k

[ wonu : babe

wonu: how are you feeling? ]

like shit, you want to text him. i’m not ok. so much, too much, is happening all at once your brain doesn’t know what to process first. it’s been like this from monday morning: you were short-staffed because three co-workers got sick, people kept complaining about the wait times, what could you do, you just work here. tuesday to thursday was absolute hell: how does someone mess up inventory TWICE? your co-worker doesn’t know shit. how did she get hired anyway! you don’t want to even think about friday’s disaster. you called in sick today, because fuck the clinic, and made sure you swapped your closing shift at the bookstore with someone else. your head is in chaos, all while managing a terrible migraine.

from the tylenol, the long naps, to the drops of essential oil on your pillow– none of it isn’t even helping.

you haven’t spoken to your boyfriend for a few days, there’s the i love yous, occasional memes or cat pics he sends, but it’s been quiet. he’s been busy too, he got hired by a better design company, meaning better schedules and much well-deserved salary, and has been finishing up his last few shifts on his secondary job at a milk tea shop. but since he’s one of the long time workers at the shop, he’s been busy training newbies to replace him, hence why he’s been awake earlier than you, and comes home so late. you know he’s home when he quietly slips into bed after a shower, snuggling you from behind, holding your small frame. but you miss the cuddles when you play games together, the shared silence with him, looking at dumb cat videos. everything about him, really, you miss. even though you live with him now.

[wonu: are you at your bookstore job tonight?]

you first tell a truth: you called in sick for both of your jobs. then, you lie, saying your friend-slash-coworker is coming over to talk about stuff.

[wonu: don’t lie to me

wonu: babe

wonu: i know you had a bad week]

it was just busy, you respond. you’re busy, baby. you’re probably tired too. we can talk about this later.

[wonu: i’m not ever tired when it comes to you

wonu: i’m gonna leave work right now

wonu: idc]

you feel tears well up. you not replying back is all he needs to know.

wonwoo shows up in twenty minutes, holding a bag of takeout, bubbletea, and a cute stuffed animal. you wondered how on earth did he get here so fast, considering it takes him about thirty-five minutes to get to back home, but you’re too tired to say anything. all he does is give you a hug, plant a soft kiss on your head, and you try really hard not to cry. he does the thing where he scratches softly under your chin, like how he usually would greet a cat, while your head leans into his chest.

“hi baby,” wonwoo finally speaks, giving you a soft smile. it fades when his cold fingertips linger around your cheekbones, and stops below your dark circles. “long week?”

“mm.” you try to pretend everything is okay. he knows you aren’t. he places more gentle kisses between your eyes and on the bridge of your nose.

“was hoping you would tell me, actually.” wonwoo quietly locks the front door, takes off his shoes, and you quickly scramble to find him some house sandals that would fit him. “baby, it’s okay, I don’t need slippers. none of them fit me, remember?”

wonwoo doesn’t wear the house slippers because the five house pairs are all yours. you insist on getting him a pair, he always refuses. you cough out a laugh, and you hear wonwoo giggle.

“right, i forgot, sorry,” you mumble. “what food did you get?”

“i got you your favourite,” pho from the restaurant where you had your first date with him in. it’s his favourite, too, “i got us a matcha cake slice and a strawberry one to share, too.” cakes from the cafe on the third date.

you nod quietly, and you watch him leave the takeout on the table. he pulls out a container (which is most likely the cakes), and grabs the two plastic forks.

“wonwoo, i’m not…” hungry, you trail off, you weren’t in the mood to eat, but wonwoo looks over at you, with such tenderness. his black turtleneck hugs his torso nicely, square glasses makes him look like a nerd, when did he get a haircut? and he looks over at you, attentive and with endearment. sometimes you wonder how you deserved him. “i’m…”

wonwoo finishes putting the takeout on the table, and approaches you with quiet steps. he cocks his head to the side, a motion to tell you come here, love, and you take a few steps closer, fiddling with the sleeves of the navy oversized sweatshirt (which belongs to wonwoo).

“how can i be here for you, baby?” he pulls you closer, rubbing small circles on your scalp with his thumb. you don’t really respond, but all you do is plant your face straight to his chest, wrapping your arms around his frame. you feel a low chuckle erupt from his chest. “baby, i’m not sure how my chest is… supportive enough.”

“well, they’re bigger than mine! it’s comfy!” you whine quietly, and wonwoo laughs at your answer. he embraces you, slightly moving side to side.

“i do want an answer, if you’re able to tell me.”

“um,” you hum, looking up to him, while he still scratches your head. “i kind of just want to cuddle… tell me about your new hires, or show me dumb videos of mingyu and seungkwan being stupid again, i really don’t wanna think about what this shitty week has done to me.”

“okay, we can do that.” he hums, and scoops you up, holding you like a sack of rice.

“why are you holding me like this.”

“i wanna open the door.”

“i…” you suddenly remember the bowl of pho sitting on the table. “wait, wonwoo, the pho–”

“we have a microwave.”

“i can walk to put it away first!”

“i wanna spoil you, princess. you deserve something good. no need to think about anything.”

you feel your brain go sideways.

“… okay.” you mumble, kissing the side of his head, ignoring the heat flushing in your cheeks, and the faded pink tint in wonwoo’s ears.

wonwoo puts you on the bed, and wraps you in a blanket burrito after a little cute protest and some kisses, telling you to wait while he quickly freshens up. you feel like you’re gonna fall off the bed, why did your boyfriend put you by the edge of the bed? idiot. after showering, he changes to a comfortable black muscle tee (gifted by soonyoung) and gray sweatpants. when he returns to the bedroom, he turns on the lampshade before shutting off the main light in the bedroom. he goes back by the bed, and unrolls you out from the blanket burrito, giggling as you find yourself rolling towards the middle of the bed.

“wonwoo, what the fuck,” you find it so silly, you’re trying to contain your laughter but it’s not working. you feel wonwoo climb up on the bed, and wonwoo seems like he’s having fun removing (more like unrolling) you out of the blanket. wonwoo starts pressing a few of your pressure points gently, making you giggle even more. “what are you, FUCK, that tickles, STOP THAT!”

“noooo,” wonwoo sounds like a child, and pushes off the final part of the blanket off your body. you’re laughing loudly on the bed, as wonwoo carefully pulls you up but you feel limp from laughing. he helps you sit up in front of him, and you think he’s finished with his confusing act, but he grabs the blanket, wraps you both in it, proceeds to embrace you close, and accidentally manhandles you, him hitting the bed while you’re on top of him. “oh, this wasn’t what i planned to do.”

“what?” you ask him. “manhandle me?”

“yeah, i got too excited, i’m sorry, baby.”

“well, if it makes you feel better,” you trace shapes on his cheekbones with your finger. “i liked it. had no thought in my head, just vibes.”

“mm,” wonwoo just hums, lightly patting your butt. a hand rests behind his own head, inadvertently flexing, and you mindlessly trace the healed floral ink that wraps around his bicep. “one of the new hires likes fruits basket, it reminded me of you.”

“WHAAAAAT?” you look at him with excitement gleaming in your eyes. you slap his chest lightly. “tell me more, tell me more!”

“well, she has a tattoo of kyo’s bracelet and named her pet hamster after yuki.” wonwoo says, playing with your hair. wonwoo started watching the series for you, although he hasn’t finished yet. “although she likes kuroo?”

“oh! kureno.”

“is he a bad person?” he likes to know what’s he in for at times, so some spoilers are okay.

“he falls in love with a minor.”

“oh.”

“yeah, it’s gross,” you sigh as you feel wonwoo massage your scalp. “oh that’s nice, by the way, did your manager allow you to take the cat apron?”

“i can’t. jihoon sucks.”

“boooo! he sucks.”

“my baby can always embroider me one, right?”

“i crochet, not embroider!”

“same idea!”

“no its not!” you pinch his nose. his nose scrunches up, and he tries to playfully bite your fingers. you pinch him even harder, and you giggle over his over exaggerated expression of pain. “i should really finish making that cat hat for you.”

“take your time, baby,” he kisses the tip of your fingers. “don’t stress on it. oh, speaking of which, jihoon sent me footage of seungkwan and mingyu tripping during close yesterday. i don’t know why you find it amusing to see them struggle.”

“because they’re so funny together,” you laugh, as wonwoo uses a free hand to grab his phone on the nightstand. he opens it and scrolls, looking for the video. you turn your head, listening to his steady heartbeat. the scent of his lavender bodywash is faint. it lingers. “besides, mingyu complains about his antics with seungkwan to me at the clinic sometimes.”

“ah, not surprised.”

wonwoo opens the video, and since it is security footage, it’s muted. the quality is grainy. it’s a bit blurry. as wonwoo lightly taps a tune on the small of your back, you watch with curious eyes. seungkwan is mopping, while mingyu is seen refilling the containers with straws and wooden utensils. it doesn’t look much, but you see seungkwan tell mingyu something, but his footing is awkward, causing him to slip on the wet floor. seungkwan doesn’t fall on the ground, and mingyu is laughing at him, throwing his head back in amusement. mingyu suddenly slips backwards, falling on his side, and a bunch of straws fall on the floor. seungkwan looks like he’s gonna cry so much from laughing too hard. someone else (it looks like vernon) appears from the corner and stares at mingyu, whose still on the floor. he leaves. you and wonwoo snort loudly, you shutting your eyes hard because it’s too funny. he locks his phone and puts it back on the nightstand, stroking your head while you continue to laugh.

“god, they’re so stupid,” you shake your head. “how does jihoon deal with them?”

“he tries not to.” wonwoo halfly jokes, scrunching up his nose. you snicker. “at least they get the job done, and jihoon will be less stressed.”

“hopefully the new hires don’t fuck up.”

“i made sure they won’t.” wonwoo says, looking at you with endearment. you can’t help but move up, and kiss him. he smiles into the kiss, even taking a hold of your face as you pepper him with soft kisses. “you’re being more adorable today.”

“well, i feel like i miss you a lot more lately,” you lightly push his glasses up. “even though i see you everyday, i don’t know, it’s different this time.”

“how so?”

you still don’t want to think about the disaster the week has been. but you want your heart to be open. steady.

“sometimes, i forget i’m not alone,” you tell him. his attentive gaze never leaves your face. “and that i don’t have to… i don’t have to burden everything all at once. and i’m sorry if i feel like i’m not relying on you.”

“baby,” wonwoo cups your face and squishes your cheeks. you inadvertently let out a laugh. “don’t be sorry. please don’t ever be.”

“i know, but i…”

“you’re very important to me.” he strokes your cheekbone. “i am always here. i’m sorry if i appeared… distant lately. you don’t deserve that.”

“it’s okay, woo. i’m just overthinking.”

“it’s not…” he whispers, face softening. “you had a bad week, and me being busy isn’t an excuse to make sure my baby is okay. like i said, you’re very important to me, and the love you give me makes me so happy. i love you so much.”

“i love you so much too, wonwoo… how did i deserve you?” you feel your heart swell, and the urge to cry comes. “sometimes i wonder about that.”

“you deserve everything. and i’ll make sure i can give everything to you.”

“then…” you trail off, going quiet for a moment. wonwoo watches you, and you raise yourself up, adjusting yourself to almost straddle his lap. “can you…”

“hm?”

“can you take care of me?” you whisper, tugging the hem of his shirt. you swallow the embarrassment down, reminding yourself that it’s okay. “please?”

it seems like a desperation from you, but wonwoo knows you best. you know that he’ll always and will take care of you with utmost tenderness and gentle love. but sometimes, just barely, or just too often, you question yourself how (and why) you deserve him. you already thought the shared kiss under the stars a few years ago was something he’d forget easily. but the nerd he is, he’ll plant constellations upon constellations of kisses across your body, (as if you’re the universe herself), and ask you to guess which constellation it is. on your anniversary, he’ll always kiss the libra constellation on you because that’s the one you both saw under that fated starry night. (although, he loves kissing the pisces constellation on your body. a lot).

wonwoo gazes upon you, eyes brimming with gentleness, and he carefully sits up, motioning you to move closer to him. his hands rest on your hips, his right thumb stroking your hip. your arms reach out to him, as they wrap slowly around his neck.

“how would like me to take care of you?” he whispers so low, leaning in close, his lips brushing against yours, his right hand going up to play with your sweatshirt, sending a chill down your spine.

“however you want.”

wonwoo pulls you in for a kiss, holding the back of your neck, while his left hand slips under your shorts, lightly caressing the back of your thigh. his tongue teases the roof of your mouth, causing you to let out a small whine, as his left hand takes a hold of your ass, occasionally squishing it.

“do you want me to continue?” wonwoo breathlessly says in between wet kisses. while he fiddles with the hem of your sweatshirt, you nod in response. “words, baby.”

“yes, please.”

“what do you want?”

you and wonwoo are no stranger to sex, but compared to your friends, you and him are considerably on the more… calmer side of things. and thats okay, it’s normal! everyone is different. tonight, however, feels different. even with his constant reassurance, little kisses of i’m here for you, and delicate whispers, you want wonwoo to…

“if you could help me not overthink, that’ll be great,” you feel yourself flush red, looking down at the end of his shirt, fiddling with it. “if you, uh, know what i mean.”

“oh.” wonwoo sighs when your fingers slip under his shirt and ghost over his chest. he’s figured what you meant. “are you sure?”

“as long as you fuck me, make me feel good,” you mumble, feeling yourself grind against him, kissing him wetly. “i could care less how you do it.”

wonwoo hisses at the pressure, and stares at you, a glint of lust and admiration starting to shine through, all while playing with the band of your shorts. he brings up a hand near your face, and pulls you in for another kiss, tongue toying with yours, and when you whine, he sucks the tip of your tongue.

“remember our safe word, baby?”

“kohyangi,” you breathe out, thinking about the cute cat cafe you both went to last year, while wonwoo kisses red blooms on your neck.

“how far do you want me to…”

“how we usually are, but i wanna see you try,” you stop wonwoo from kissing your neck, and you bring him to your face, letting him kiss you more. “you can be a little rougher tonight.”

“fuck, you’re gonna be the end of me.” he gently flips you over, carefully laying you down on the bed, lips never leaving yours until he briefly parts to remove his glasses. putting them on the nightstand clumsily, he comes back for your lips, and you melt against him. through his relentless teasing and his tender touches against you make your head spin. he kisses a little harder, a little more desperate, hands starting to roam around your frame, arms caging you– an underlying message that he isn’t going anywhere, and that he belongs to you, you are his, and that you are deserving of everything. a curious hand slips under your shirt, feeling your bare chest. his other hand toys with the band of your shorts, mumbling if it’s okay to take them off, and he swiftly removes them when you give him a ‘yes’.

“oh, this is pretty,” wonwoo compliments your underwear. it’s a baby blue thong. he takes off his shirt, tossing it somewhere in the room. “they new?”

“um, uh, yes? they were on sale… good deal, too…” you suddenly feel yourself shrink, turning red. you stare at his toned muscles, and you see a satisfied smirk on wonwoo’s face, eyes turning lustful. he pushes the sweatshirt high enough for your chest to be exposed to the air, never breaking eye contact until he swoops down, and starts planting kisses, tongue teasing your nipple, and occasionally biting at some places. “i bought a bunch since… kinda wanted to try wearing these… for you.”

you see wonwoo’s ears turn pink, and feel yourself crawling into a hole.

“aw, cute, my princess wants to treat me.” your brain screams. wonwoo kisses over the healed ink near your hip.“they look great on you, makes your tattoo here even sexier.”

“are.. are you doing the andromeda constellation?” you breathe out, trying to divert his (horny) attention somewhere else. “or is it something else?”

“mmhmm, correct, that’s my good girl,” wonwoo teases and you feel yourself choke on your own spit. he starts toying with the band of your underwear, and bites a mark on the hip bone. you didn’t even realize he’s already settled in between your legs until you feel him breathe. he tongues over the bite mark, soothing it. damn, ain’t this one nice way to go out. “you’re learning so well.”

“shit,” you shyly say between your teeth.

“keep the sweatshirt on, i wanna fuck you in it.”

“good, that was the intention.” you try to counter wonwoo, and you feel yourself twitch when wonwoo presses his thumb over your clothed clit. “does it make you possessive?”

“baby, you have no idea.” he responds, hooking a finger in the band of your thong.“may i?”

you nod at him, and he slowly peels off your underwear. as you slightly raise your hips so he can easily pull them off, he’s awkward with it, making you remove it instead. wonwoo clicks his tongue in slight annoyance. all you do is just smile at him, slipping them off with ease. you sit up (just a bit) to toss them somewhere on the bed or floor, and you don’t realize wonwoo is incredibly close to your pussy until you adjust your positioning. your breath hitches when he breathes.

“hm?” he starts to tease, kissing around the area and the lower stomach, but doesn’t do anything. “you’re pretty down here.”

“babe, please,” you try to sound exasperated but he plants the softest kiss on your clit and you almost collapse your arms. “just nervous, that’s all, even though we’ve done this a lot…”

“it’s okay, baby, i don’t blame you, i get nervous too,”wonwoo murmurs, and he can’t help it but he finds himself licking his lips. “may i eat you out?”

“yes, please.”

he first lightly swipes his tongue from the entrance to the clit, and he does it again, and again, and again, as you let out a soft noise the more he does it. he kisses your clit, and licks it, tongue flicking it a few times, doing a circular motion, and you sigh out a moan, hand resting on the crown of his head. he briefly pauses to use his thumbs to spread you out a little more, and opens his mouth, letting drool drip down on your pussy, watching it drip down, and he goes back in with his tongue. he increases the pressure, and you whine, almost hitting your head against the headboard. he keeps up the pace, moaning against your folds whenever you do, tongue slipping inside you occasionally. he starts to get even more sloppy, messy– making wet noises the more he eats you out.

“my princess is being so so good, so wet,” he mumbles lowly against your folds, hearing how wet he made you, briefly pulling away to kiss your inner thighs. you whine how his finger is teasing your hole, and his lips come back to suck on your clit again. “so needy, all for me.”

“fuck, fuck, fuck,” you whine breathlessly, feeling wonwoo’s hand grip your thigh a little harder. he looks up, eyes never breaking away from yours, while his tongue slowly licks up from the entrance to your clit. he closes his eyes, relishing in the taste of you. you are sure your thigh is going to bruise, but his head is in between your legs, so it’ll be worth the bruising. “wonwoo, fuck, oh my god,”

“mm, fuck, so sweet,” he mumbles against your pussy. a finger slips inside you, slowly moving back and forth. the bed slightly shakes, and you see that he’s lightly grinding against the sheets, in desperation for some relief. you sigh at the sight, trying to stifle a moan as he puts more pressure with his tongue. “baby, go ahead, be louder.”

“its, fuck, embarrassing! holy shit,” you respond back a little louder, body arching when wonwoo adds another finger and grazes that sweet spot inside. you feel wonwoo pin down your hips with his other hand. “so, fuck, so, so good.”

“good,” wonwoo coos. “how bad do you wanna come?”

“so bad, fuck, fuck, oh my god,” your brain feels dizzy. “please wonwoo, please.”

wonwoo hums, continuing to suck your clit with wet noises and fingering you good. you find yourself mumbling incoherent sentences, and you find yourself feeling a wave of relief and pleasure overtake your body, trying to breathe. you clench around his fingers, hearing wonwoo coax you through your orgasm, leaving little kisses on you of you’re doing so well for me, and my baby, baby, all mine.

“can i spit in your mouth?” wonwoo removes his mouth from you, but his fingers have slowed their movement.

“yes.” you whine at the brief loss.

“open up.” he demands softly, a wet thumb pressing against your bottom lip. you oblige, and he leans in, letting drool drip down from his mouth into yours, his fingers busy with your hole, and uses his tongue to push it in your mouth. you shut your eyes, moaning while wonwoo’s tongue meets with yours.“good girl. was that okay?”

“y-yes,” you say in between wet kisses. another finger slips inside you, making it three, while you both make out, tasting yourself against his tongue. “it was good.”

“do you want me to do it again tonight?” wonwoo slightly rolls on his side, all while fingering you and peppering your neck with more kisses.

“it was really hot but,” you moan, trying to reach the band of his sweatpants. you can see how hard he is, and how much relief he desperately needs. “i don’t know if i wanna do it again. not again tonight, if that’s okay.”

“it’s always okay, baby, thank you,” wonwoo smiles against your neck, and you really wonder how you feel horny and soft all at once. he feels your fingers tease the band of his sweatpants, almost tracing the dent against it.“oh, baby, no need to worry about me.”

“but i want to make you feel good, too,” you say softly, breaths staggering while he fingers you long and slow. “don’t want—fuck— to be the only one.”

“well,” wonwoo gazes at you, eyes half-lidded with a slight fucked out look on his face. “does my girl want to make me feel good? words, baby, i need to hear them.”

“i want to make you feel good, please.”

“how badly?”

“s-so bad,” you whine when wonwoo removes his fingers from you. rolling on top of him, you press your body against his, your fingers holding the band of his sweats. “i want to suck you off.”

“wanna show me how with my fingers?” he brings up his fingers covered in your wetness close to your lips. “how will my baby suck me off?”

“only if you let me jerk you off, too.”

“i’d love that, fuuck,” wonwoo groans when you pull down his sweats and your hand wraps over his hard dick. he’s so fucking hard. your thumb teases the tip, playing with the precum and letting your hand coat itself in it. wonwoo’s fingers slowly go in your mouth, and you swirl your tongue around them. “baby, fuck, you’re such a slut.”

“y-you’re the bigger slut,” you shyly whisper against his fingers. you help wonwoo get out from his sweatpants, leaving him naked, and you start grinding your cunt against his bare thigh. he hisses, feeling how wet you are down there, and his free hand grabs a hold of your hip. “you made me like this.”

“you’re so wet, baby,” wonwoo sighs, pulling you in for a kiss, sighing when you jerk him off slowly. as you slightly pick up the pace, thumbing the slit, wonwoo’s hand reaches from behind to play with your hole. you quickly pull away to let a trail of spit go down his cock for some lubrication, and wonwoo throws his head back, groaning, when you jerk him off faster. “fuck, that’s my girl, go ahead, suck me off.”

“and you’re calling me the slut,” you mumble. you hear wonwoo laugh against your lips, until you feel his hand lightly slap your ass. you sigh at the pain, wonwoo rubbing the reddenning spot. “wow, kinky, are we?”

“you’re cute.”

“you like it.”

“you’re so– oh, fuck,” wonwoo feels his breathing stagger when you slide down, your tongue teasing the tip. you look up, trying hard to maintain eye contact, all while holding his thick cock with your hand (you forget how thick he is, you can barely wrap your hand around it completely) and giving it kittenish licks, before wrapping your lip around the tip. you make a few wet sucking noises, before spitting down on his cock for more lubrication. “fuck, baby, can you take all of me?”

“i haven’t even done anything yet,” you continue to trail your tongue along the veins and stroke him at the girth, and he moans— you feel yourself clench around nothing, wanting to hear more of it. “wanna tell me what should i do?”

“d-do as you please.” he groans out your name, cursing under his breath, and strokes your head as you continue to suck him off. not only does he love it when he ensures you’re vocal about what you want, he loves it when you ask him what he wants. being communicative is something he prioritizes so much (in general, obviously). and during times like these, communication is so so sexy.

you look at him, eyes signaling am i doing good for you?, and wonwoo bites his lip, enthralled by the sight. he really, really, can’t wait to ravish you.

“oh, holy fuck,” his thoughts get slightly interrupted when he feels his cock almost hit the back of your throat. feelings mixed with surprise and arousal that overwhelm him, he bites his lip to avoid a moan slipping out, wrapping his own hand around the base and presses it, edging himself. “oh, fuck, baby, you don’t have to take everything in.”

“b-but,” you remove your mouth from him, a slick pop sound coming out, as a trail of spit and come stick on your mouth. you still use your hands to jerk him off, looking at him with glossed eyes. “i wanna make you feel good.”

“you already are, baby,” wonwoo hitches his breath when you put your mouth back on his cock, a finger trailing your jaw. “but i’m the one who was suppose to fuck you til you can’t think, right? do you still want that, sweetheart?”

“uh-huh,” you mumble. “i-i do.”

“come here, then,” wonwoo encourages you to come up, licking your mouth. he runs a tongue on the roof of your mouth, as you moan while his hand plays with your hole again. “i taste good, don’t i?”

“mmhmm,” you reply against his lips, and wonwoo easily slips two fingers inside you again. he sucks on your bottom lip, fingering you faster, and you find yourself instinctively riding his fingers, moans getting more desperate as his other hand takes a hold of your hip and helps you ride his fingers. “fuck, fuck, fuck, i’m gonna cum again, oh my god, your fingers are so good, woo.”

“that’s it, baby,” wonwoo says, adding in a third finger. you feel his thumb press again your clit. “come for me again, sweetheart.”

you ride out your second orgasm of the night. although it’s not as intense as the first, it feels more of like a softer wave holding you close. wonwoo kisses your neck and collarbones, whispering you praises and love notes as he helps you finish.

“please fuck me already,” you whine into the kiss, and wonwoo starts playing with the hem of your sweatshirt. “wonwoo, please, i want you…”

“patience, baby,” wonwoo whisper in your ear, and you feel his hand go up and down your back. “i’ll take care of you as long as you like me to. can you go on your hands and knees for me, baby?”

“can we kiss first?”

“of course, baby.”

you’ll never get sick of kissing wonwoo, ever. you find how you melt into each other’s warmth, comfort, and love— and how he feels like home, the hugs on rainy days, the shared smiles— you adore how his kisses are reminders of i’m always here and love letters, how much he loves you- all of you—

wonwoo shifts when you move onto the position, him moving his hand down your back. he asks if its okay if he can lift up your hips a little higher, and says good girl when you follow his instruction.

“can i…?” wonwoo asks, raising your hips up, so your ass is sticking up in the air. “can i fuck you holding one of your arms behind your back?”

“holy fuck,” you whisper, looking at him, a part of your face squished by the pillow. you and wonwoo aren’t that experimental, but this… is something. “if that will help you fuck me so hard til i can’t think, then okay.”

wonwoo slows his movements, and stares at you.

oh.

oh, fuck, that’s hot.

“well, if you say so,” he leans over, tilts your head to give you a kiss, before opening the drawer to grab a condom. “you’re gonna kill me.”

“at least fuck me first.” you joke, and wonwoo chuckles at that, pushing up your sweatshirt to expose your back. he kisses down your spine, and you hear the rustle of the condom wrapper. wonwoo adjusts your body, and you almost feel like a cramp coming on, but it’s okay—

“ready, baby?” wonwoo asks lowly. you nod against the pillow. “words, sweetheart. may i have your hand?”

“mm, yeah, i’m ready, are you?” you put your hand around your back, and you feel wonwoo’s hand wrap around your wrist.

“yeah, i’m putting it in,” wonwoo says, and you feel the tip prod against your entrance, and you bite back a moan before he slowly inserts himself in. you squeeze your eyes shut, gasping against the pillow, remembering to take deep breaths. you need a moment to adjust, but the stretch alone feels wonderful. “you okay?”

“y-yes,” you exhale. “fuck, i feel all of you, so, so much.”

“fuck, you’re so tight.” wonwoo groans, slowly bottoming out. “need a moment?”

“yeah.” you let yourself adjust to his cock, as wonwoo rubs your back (his way of helping you relax). a minute passes, and you start to feel good, inadvertently moving your hips back to his. wonwoo moans, and it encourages you to move faster against him. “f-fuck, oh my god, please fuck me, you’re so big—”

wonwoo finds himself moving his hips fast, a hand gripping your hip, the other pinning your wrist behind your back, as you gasp on how loud, wet, and hard he’s going. as hard and fast-paced his thrusts are, it remains concise and controlled. you hear him groan the more he thrusts into you, and you briefly look back at him, seeing him fling his head back in pleasure. god, it feels so good, the sounds of skin slapping grow louder, breathing out of sync, you feel so full, so fucking full, your head is starting to get dizzy—

your senses come back when wonwoo slows his pace, and you whine, tightening around him as a means to get him to move.

“nuh-uh, don’t come just yet,” wonwoo tuts, shallowly thrusting in you. “i’m not done with you.”

“w-what, fuck! oh my god, please go harder,” you tell him, feeling drool come out from your mouth, and wonwoo lets go of your hand, gently placing it above your head.

“so, so, impatient,” wonwoo slaps your ass, watching you fuck yourself on him. he continues to let you fuck yourself on him, his frame swooping down so he can whisper. “so needy for my cock, hm? didn’t know my baby is such a needy, little slut. look at you fucking yourself on me. i haven’t even fucked you stupid yet, and look at you being so needy for me. my baby is such a cute little whore.”

“wonwoo, please move,” you breathe, looking at him with glossy eyes. wonwoo continues to stare at you with lust and endearment, all while shallowly fucking into you. “i want you so much, ahhhh fuck, please, please.”

“hm? what was that?” wonwoo coos, and you whine even more. you feel like crying. wonwoo rubs his hands down your side. “oh, baby, it’s okay, i’ll give you want you want. wanna tell me what you want?”

“y-you, please.”

“just me?”

“want you to fuck me til i can’t think.”

“that’s it?”

“wanna be y-your cute little whore for you.”

and that’s all it takes for wonwoo to remove himself out from you. you wince at the loss of him, as you feel tears in your eyes, but he steadily grabs you, flipping you on your back. he pumps himself, spitting on his fingers and they go down to your pussy, playing with your clit with his thumb and wraps your legs around his waist.

“keep your legs wrapped for me, okay?” he says, using his long fingers to play with you. “can you do that for me?”

“yes,” you nod, and wonwoo peppers soft kisses around your neck and face. “wonwoo?”

“mm, baby?”

“can you spit in my mouth again?”

“oh, fuck, yes,” it catches wonwoo off guard and you find it cute how flustered he got. “i can, yeah.”

“good,” you nudge his back with your leg, telling him to start moving.

“ready?”

“mmhm- ah, fuck!” you nod, but wonwoo slips inside easily, holding onto your hips hard, fucking you at a hard, controlled pace. “oh my god, fuuuck, fuck!”

wonwoo smiles, watching your expressions change accordingly. he takes in all of your noises, expressions, all of you, how you ask to go faster, how you’re trying to fuck back too, how you’re willing to make it good for both of you. wonwoo takes a hold of your hand, putting it above your head. he gets caught off guard when you put your other hand up, and wraps his hand around your wrists, pinning them against the sheets.

“fuck, baby, you’re so tight, your pretty pussy loves taking me in, hm?” wonwoo whispers, and his free hand creeps up on your neck, but doesn’t add pressure on it. “open up.”

you oblige, and you feel him twitch. you tighten in instinct, as he lets spit drip down from his mouth to yours, and sticks his tongue in your mouth to push it in again. you moan at that, eyes going shut, all while wonwoo fucks harder and harder and harder. you feel nothing running in your brain, it feels numbing, feels exhilarating, you just feel yourself get lost into the pleasure and the praise wonwoo kisses on your skin. you numbingly hear him say words and words of i love you, can’t believe you are all mine, fuck you’re too good for me, come for me, your senses get blurred out, like your feeling everything all at once, and you don’t know when but you feel yourself unravel, coming undone as wonwoo finishes too, hips stuttering.

“baby…” wonwoo sighs against your lips, hands cautiously rubbing your sides, while putting his body weight against yours. “come back to me.”

“mmrgh?” you make a weird noise, feeling warm and a little light-headed. you hear wonwoo telling you to take deep breaths, and you use your hands to hold onto his shoulders. kisses and kisses and kisses of you did so well scatter across your skin like a cluster of stars, as wonwoo strokes your head with a comforting touch. “wonwoo?”

“m’ here baby, i’m right here,” he says, carefully slipping out from inside you after he softens. “i’m here, are you here?”

“yeah, sorry,” you finally collect yourself together, staring at the ceiling. wonwoo shifts on the bed, rolling over next to you to discard the condom, and plops next to you, an arm wrapping around your waist. you look over at him, lost in his bright eyes, and fucked out glow. “you did it.”

“wha?”

“you fucked me stupid, i don’t remember thinking at all.” you laugh. wonwoo’s face turns more pink, and he grumbles into your neck, kissing a spot or two.

“was that all okay?” he asks, stroking your head with one hand, playing with your hands with the other. “we did a little experimenting tonight.”

“it was good, yes, thank you,” you tell him, stroking his cheek fondly. “kinda wanna do more of it, you know.”

“oh.”

“oh my god, don’t act like a shy boy when you fucked me with your big dick.”

“i’m…” wonwoo get even more shy, and you laugh, kissing his nose and his cheeks. “just wasn’t expecting that, that’s all.”

“is it a lot for you?”

“no, i’m glad you trust me, and that i’m able to trust you.” wonwoo says, rubbing your stomach. “we should clean up.”

“eh, i kinda wanna lay here.” you say, sort of sprawling out on the bed. you stretch your arm a little weird so it ends up across wonwoo’s body. “too tired.”

“baby, you work in healthcare. didn’t they teach you to pee after sex?”

“i work in an eye clinic!”

“well yeah! same idea! it’s still healthcare! i’m getting you to clean up.” wonwoo says, slipping out of bed and grab his sweatpants. he slips it on, and goes over to your side, but you start rolling away, not wanting to get out of bed. “baby, don’t do that.”

“i want to cuddle first,” you say, not bothering to fight back when wonwoo grabs your body to carry you to the bathroom. “i feel like jelly.”

“good, that’s what i intended,” wonwoo kisses your face when you wrap your arms around his neck. “we can cuddle after. what do you want for breakfast?”

“eggs. toast, if we have bread. do we have bread?” wonwoo shrugs . “uh, coffee? oh! and maybe fried rice.”

“you work tomorrow?” he asks. you shake your head. “good, we’ll sleep in, eat breakfast, you wanna go play stardew valley together?”

you grin, giving him a kiss.

god, you love him so fucking much.

#seventeen #seventeen imagines #wonwoo #wonwoo x reader #seventeen smut #svthub #svt x reader #zu writes #svt #seventeen fic #GOD IM BACKSJDJDJ

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crayonboxcolors607 · 1 year ago

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in honor of Part 1 getting 100 likes and like 15 reblogs! (a lot for tiny stupid me lol) i decided to suck it up and write another part bc ppl have asked for it

IF YOU HAVEN'T READ PART ONE, PLEASE DO SO!

After Robin found out, things were a bit better for Steve. The two of them practiced their signs during slow shifts at the Family Video. Robin showed him a new sign every day and helped him improve his lip reading. It benefited his daily life too. Gone were the days when he had to walk all the way across the store to talk to Robin, now the two of them could have conversations from opposite sides of the store, their hands flying fast as they spoke.

Robin was a fucking godsend, bullying Keith into giving Steve more time off in case of migraines and providing excuses when he couldn't drive the kids around. She begged Steve to wear his hearing aids, eventually telling him that if he played his cards right he could cover them up with his hair, which ultimately convinced him. She'd helped him find a new hairstyle that almost eliminated them completely, clapping her hands excitedly as the shock on his face was evident when he turned them on and could differentiate sounds again.

Of course, there were still things that were hard, even with the hearing aids. Steve needed to be directly facing someone in order to have a basic understanding of what they were saying, and there couldn't be anything obstructing their mouth. This proved especially difficult when Steve interacted with the younger Party members, although they continued to chalk it up to Steve's usual airheadedness. For once, he was grateful to be stereotyped as a dumb jock.

One random day in October, however, things began to change.

Dustin had somehow roped Steve into driving him, Mike, and Lucas to some fancy-ass comic store in Indianapolis, claiming that "the one in Hawkins is not nearly comprehensive enough, Steve". He'd rolled his eyes and responded with what they referred to as his "Mom Pose", his hands on his hips and his eyebrow cocked as he stared at them judgementally. Eventually, though, he'd relented, letting them fight over who got shotgun and who had to sit in the back.

Somehow, although he himself didn't quite seem to know how, Lucas managed to snag the front seat. He'd slid in quietly as Dustin and Mike threw themselves into the backseat, yelling obnoxiously about unfairness and favoritism. Steve refrained from pointing out that he'd had no part in the tussle for shotgun, instead allowing it to play out.

He and Lucas had been engaging in conversation about sports when Lucas had quietly mentioned that he was thinking of trying out for the school's basketball team, tentatively asking Steve if they could meet up the next weekend so he could give him some pointers. Steve had agreed without even thinking, but he began to panic once he got home later that afternoon. How was he supposed to go over skills in basketball when he couldn't even hear out of his left ear?

But in typical Steve fashion, he procrastinated until the last minute, eventually deciding that he simply wouldn't wear the hearing aids. He'd be fine for one basketball practice, right?

And so, Steve drove to the basketball courts that Saturday, removing his hearing aids as he arrived, and thus reintroducing a fuzzy ringing in his ears that he hadn't experienced in a long time. It felt alien, but he shook his head around a bit and started to shoot baskets. He'd forgotten how good sports made him feel, and was pleasantly surprised at the adrenaline that began pumping through his veins. In fact, his new lack of hearing made it easier for him to practice, as it allowed him to tune out the rest of the world and focus solely on himself and his own fluid motions.

This did prove to be a slight problem, however, as he didn't hear Lucas dropping his stuff on the bench, nor did he notice him walking up to Steve. So the tapping on his shoulder startled him far more than it should have.

"Jesus Sinclair!" Steve exclaimed. "You scared the shit outta me, man!" Lucas seemed confused at Steve's reaction, and he silently reminded himself that none of the kids knew about his hearing.

"Uhh, sorry Steve," Lucas said slowly. "Are um, are you okay?" The concern on his face melted Steve's heart just a little bit.

"I'm fine buddy," he reassured the young teen. "Was just in my own world a bit, you know, focusing and stuff." His explanation seemed to comfort Lucas enough, and he grinned.

"You ready to get started?" he asked, tossing the younger boy the ball. Lucas caught it with a practiced ease and began dribbling, feinting left and right. Steve dropped down into his defensive position, mirroring Lucas's every movement, tracking his feet to predict which direction he would go next.

He felt himself slipping back into that headspace that he loved so much, the one that drew him into sports in the first place. Because he didn’t need to think about it, the strategies were always in his brain. He just needed to rely on muscle memory, all his former skills coming back to him as he and Lucas scrimmaged.

They played for about thirty minutes before taking a quick break to grab water and snacks, both of them struggling to catch their breath. Lucas opened his Gatorade™ and said something Steve, causing him to look over in surprise as he struggled to figure out what the younger boy was saying.

"Pardon?" he said, pretending he just hadn't been paying attention. Lucas repeated himself, or at least Steve had to assume that he did, because again, he couldn't understand a single word that left the younger boy's mouth.

There was a heavy feeling in his stomach as he debated asking Lucas to repeat himself a third time.

Someone tapped his leg, pulling him out of his own spiraling headspace. Steve looked up, feeling even worse as he registered the fear on Lucas' face.

"Steve," Lucas began slowly, seeming struggling with what to say next. "Can you, uh, can you not hear me?"

Of course, that sentence Steve was able to comprehend.

With a heavy sigh, he shook his head.

"Not really," he replied, looking anywhere but at Lucas. "My hearing started to go after Billy smashed my head with a plate. And it got worse after Starcourt." He looked up then, a grim smile on his face. "Turns out multiple concussions aren't exactly good for a person."

Lucas' eyes widened at the confession. "So, are you deaf?" he asked. Or at least, Steve assumed that's what he said.

"Partially," Steve replied. "I can't hear at all out of my left ear, that's where I got the most damage. My right ear can function, but not normally. I mostly rely on reading lips and context clues."

"Oh my god," Lucas said slowly, the gears visibly turning in his head. "Oh my god! W-we kept teasing you! We kept calling you stupid a-and laughing at you! You couldn't even hear us! And you-" The boy suddenly slumped over and placed his head in his hands. He said something, Steve was sure of it, but it was additionally muffled by him covering his face.

"Uh, Lucas, buddy," Steve said hesitantly. "I can't understand you if I can't see your face." Lucas looked up at him then, tears pooling in his eyes.

"It's my fault," he said. Steve felt his mouth drop open in shock, and began to protest, but Lucas stopped him.

"Billy was coming after me," he insisted, talking clearer so Steve could understand. "He was attacking me! You stepped in and tried to defend me -- now you're deaf and it's all my fault!"

Steve felt his heart drop.

He'd been so scared to tell anyone because he was worried they wouldn't view him the same way as before, that he hadn't even considered how the kids might feel if they knew he was like this because of his attempts to protect them.

"Oh Lucas," Steve said softly, gathering the crying teen into his arms. "It's not your fault. There isn't a world where I wouldn't have done the same. You're my kid. I'm always gonna protect you. That's just how it works." He felt Lucas try to push away, to protest, but he just held him tighter. "You and your little gaggle of idiots are worth everything. I'd go deaf a thousand times if it meant keeping you all safe."

With a sniffle, Lucas detached himself from the older boy.

"Really?" he said, eyes shiny with tears.

"Of course," Steve responded, without missing a beat. He gave the younger boy a final squeeze, before wiping away the few tears that had escaped while he and Lucas were talking. "I'd better get you home anyway. Your mom will have my head on a stick if you miss dinner." He kept his hand on Lucas' back as he wiped his tears and sniffed a final time.

"Okay," he said. "But you're staying for dinner."

HOLY SHIT I FINALLY FINISHED! ONLY TOOK ME 9 MONTHS LOL

okay okay so i did talk about the older members of the party finding out next as well as dustin but i just had to make a liar out of myself bc when i started writing this my brain was just like "but what if we did a wholesome reveal with Lucas instead??" and now here we are and i regret nothing

except the lack of sleep. i regret that a lot.

also, i am not an athlete. i am a depressed and introverted high school theater kid who has never played basketball in my entire life bc i am a measly 5ft 1in (roughly 155cm). so dont come at me if the sportsball lingo is incorrect bc i have no fucking clue what im doing.

also THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND ALL THE LIKES AND REBLOGS ON MY LAST POST!!

#stranger things #stranger things 3 #stranger things 4 #steve harrington #lucas sinclair #dustin henderson #mike wheeler #the battle of starcourt #post starcourt #deaf steve harrington #hoh steve harrington #hard of hearing steve harrington #fluff #wholesome #heartwarming #i cried writing this #i hope you cry reading this #jk #not really tho

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scretladyspider · 1 year ago

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please don’t scroll; I really need your help to reach my gofundme goal of $3500 and not become homeless.

Im Elle, a queer, ace, disabled person with ADHD, depression, and two cats. In November, I lost my job without warning. I have no savings as the job already had me living to the last dollar of every paycheck. I was denied unemployment and food stamps. I cannot work away from home, a physical job, or something with strict hours due to some yet-to-be-diagnosed illness.

this is my story — what’s going on & how I got here. (Smaller text used because it’s a lot of information/a long post.)

In early 2018, I was doing regular walk/runs. In 2019, I stopped being able to run, so I went on walks. Running took hours, then days, to recover from. My body couldn’t produce energy to do it consistently, so, walks. In 2020, I kept going on walks and tried to do aerobics. I was not able to keep doing aerobics. My body took hours upon hours to recover, where before it hadn’t, I was alone for almost all of 2020, and never developed COVID symptoms; it was what happened with running all over again. In 2021, it started to take more time to recover from walks. Then I started to need to take a nap immediately after I clocked out from work— and it was a work from home job. In 2022, I began to go from my sitting desk job straight to my bed most days, laying down exhausted right after work, even sleeping through lunch to get some rest.

On New Year's Eve 2023, I spent 30 minutes cleaning, including vacuuming my living room. I had to rest the rest of the day.

In the last five years, I've gone from running to being exhausted for hours by taking my garbage to the curb.

Imagine you were someone who enjoyed recreational exercise. Now imagine doing 1/100th of that and feeling sick for days. Thats me.

There are other symptoms also. More vulnerability to infection and more trouble fighting infection. Shooting, sharp muscle pains in large muscles such as the thigh or forearm, like a pinched nerve, that come and go at random. Pulse rate that skyrockets upon standing, to go back to normal soon after. Stomach inflammation. Inflammation without major swelling. Headaches. Complete inability to tolerate heat, leading to excruciating migraines that only go away with things like cold showers, electrolytes, and hours of rest in the dark with ice. Muscles that literally don't feel like they're getting oxygen. Random rashes. Face flushing. Being much more easily out of breath, yawning over and over, like I can't get air correctly. Weight gain, no matter what I eat or don't eat.

And just being so, so tired.

In summer of 2018, something… stopped working in my body. I felt sick all the time. I had a low, unexplainable fever nearly every day. Shooting nerve pain would wake me up at night. The doctor said I had a cold. But months went by and I didn’t get better. When my blood work and thyroid hormone level was normal, I was referred to a rheumatologist.

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia after he made me wait 45 minutes, came in and asked “are you tired?", poked me hard, said I was tender, and left without running tests. This sort of “uhm the standard blood work came back normal, have you tried exercising more? I know you’re here because your body can’t recover from it but have you tried more of that? Also going to sleep at night?” has been the response over and over and over for five years. It got to the point where I even started to wonder if I was somehow making it up. I see a psych nurse. She thinks there's more than just depression, ADHD, and other things - though we both agree that managing those is vital too. She used to be a cardiologist, so this is reassuring. But when I have tried to see other doctors, it goes differently. Most of the time they see I have ADHD, a long history of depression, and hypermobile joints, and say that explains everything. I can't count how many times I've been told "well, you have depression” when the labs, if they even agreed to run them, came back normal. My standard blood work sometimes comes back with anemia, but I take an iron supplement. No improvement had come of it. I’ve had my thyroid hormone levels tested over and over, but never the antibodies. No imaging or referrals have happened, outside of one to a second rheumatologist. He ran no tests either; he just saw my joints are hypermobile and I was “sure taking a lot of mental health medications” (two at the time), and… that was that.

I had given up on actually even getting help until my SIL recommended a doctor she knew. For the first time in five years, when the standard blood work and TSH tests were normal, she told me we would keep looking. I actually cried with relief at that. It’s amazing to be believed after all this time.

Because of …. All of this, I'm trying to figure out how to either work for myself or find a work from home job that has flexible hours I can choose. I literally wouldn't be able to work a retail gig where I have to stand for eight hours, or even a 9-5 where I have to be there for those exact hours, because my body cannot do that right now. I want to get better but it's a long way off. First I need to know what's even wrong. I'm praying for a diagnosis soon. And treatment. At the least, management.

I have heard of EDS and I have been evaluated. I apparently don’t meet enough criteria, hence the diagnosis of JHS instead. It’s in the same family. I have also heard of POTS. I am pursuing testing. Same with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, MCAS, fibromyalgia… yeah. The thing is nothing outside of the standard blood count and thyroid hormone level test, no other lab tests have been done. There are so many things this could be that have never been checked. Lyme disease, for example, is extremely common where I live (it’s actually just extremely common worldwide) and matches much of my experience, but 1) in the USA the initial Lyme test relies on a strain of bacteria cultured in the 80s 2) there are over 100 strains of Lyme disease in the USA 3) in spite of decades of research there are doctors who don’t believe chronic Lyme exists 4) no doctor has ever checked and I only recently learned anything about it so I never asked. But… there are a lot of things to check that I’ve never had checked is my point. Fingers crossed someone can help me get there.

I do not have a partner who can try to support me through this, and my family already supports me however they can. My severance (which was low as I found out I was being paid much less than the rest of the team later) paid only my January rent.

Since my ability to work is severely limited right now, and I've been denied unemployment and food stamps, and I would need a diagnosis and to be awarded disability benefits in court (which can take YEARS that I don’t have), I have nothing in savings because of years of underpaying jobs the cost of living and being disabled and going through prior periods of unemployment due to this and other factors, I am left in a tough spot without help. Without this help, this gofundme... I have nothing.

So... here I am. A queer nonbinary disabled neurodivergent writer, trying my best, living with some undiagnosed illness that's severely impacted my ability to function, who got fired without real reasons (in America they can just do that to you without even telling you why), asking for your help to pay my February rent and January bills so I don’t repeat the trauma of being homeless. Or for you to reblog this.

Thank you for reading all of this.

It’s been on my chest for a long time. Even if it wasn’t for the gofundme, it feels good to talk about and be honest about my health. It reminds me you’re not supposed to feel like this all the time when I tell other people and they tell me I should get help and deserve answers. It’s reassuring to see competent doctors who finally believe me. I hope we figure it out.

no donation is too small— they add up. If just 100 people gave $35, the goal would be met. Sharing is also giving— it means someone who can help is more likely to see it.

You can also help via my venmo — secretladyspider

CashApp — secretladyspider

or find PayPal in my tip jar in my linktree

Goal is $3500 or over. Funds needed ASAP. If it goes over, that’ll help with February.

Thank you for anything and everything.

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igotanidea · 2 years ago

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Heal the past: Dick Grayson x f!reader

Summary: Y/n and Dick has no secrets from each other. She is his pillar, strong and reliable and always there for the all the batboys. So, why does her health keep getting worse and what could she possibly keep in the dark?

Warnings: mentions of abuse, past trauma and therapy sessions, apart from that it's fluff/comfort

A/N: another story based loosely on a work case. I hate domestic violence incidents and hereby I dedicate this ff to everyone who has ever experienced one or currenly is - seek help, you can free yourself from that pain and fear. The first step is always the hardest.

„Y/N?”

„Hi there” she slowly turned her gaze towards the door where Dick was standing, eyeing her carefully. She tried her best to cover up for how she was feeling, but she was painfully aware he noticed everything. Her slightly red and puffy eyes, her reddened cheeks, the way she was holding her knees against her chest, rocking back and forth, mere seconds before his entering. He knew she wasn’t all good, there was no point in neither asking nor denying. If anyone was looking for a perfect example of a mess sure as hell she was one.

“How… how was it today?” He dared to take a step in, testing girls’ reaction and since she did not ask him to leave he came even closer, sitting on the edge of the bed next to her.

“Hard.” she managed to say. “But what’s new.” Another attempt at cover-up by using a sad smile.

“Is it a good or a bad sign?” it was so touching how truly concerned he was.

“I … I don’t really know. It’s just a lot to process, you know. The years of trauma and hiding your own feelings and emotions?”

“Believe me, I know well enough” he sighed deeply and she mentally slapped herself. He’s been through a lot as well.

“And yet, between you and me I am the one who was forced to start therapy sessions.”

“You weren’t forced……” he trailed, but she cut him off

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I was offered the chance to work through my past and convinced to accept.”

“Y/n……” he reached for her hand but she retrieved it from his grip, making his face drop a bit.

***

Half a year ago something bad started happening to her. Nightmares, constant fear. She had those symptoms before, but never so strong. It was not because of the fact that she became a part of bat family, taking care of teenage vigilantes and dating one of them. Nope. Surprisingly she was taking that pretty well, all things considered. This was the normal amount of stress. The problem was elsewhere and even though everyone was worried about her, she was just shrugging it off casually pretending she was doing fine. Nonetheless, it took an enormous amount of energy to suppress the shaking hands, calm the breath and not scream out loud when panic attacks creeps in for unknown reason. And then, because of all of this sucking up she started having headaches and later on, migraines, up to point where light was always too bright, and the sounds were always too loud. But she tried her best to survive, act strong and just live on, even if everyone knew something was terribly off. Their premonitions soon turned reality when she fainted in the kitchen. She didn’t even get a chance to wrap her mind around what was happening when out of the blue she got dizzy, the whole world was spinning and she felt as if someone hit her in the back of the head with something extremely heavy.

“Jason…..” she gasped since he was the one closest to her, his eyes immediately focusing on the girl and his expression changing from his natural wry to concern and a bit of fear

“Y/N? What is happening?”

“I’m not…….. I’m not feeling well….” she grabbed the kitchen counter stabilizing herself but it was for nothing “I think…. I’m gonna throw up…”

“Jeez, Y/N, in some other circumstances I would ask you if you are pregnant, but …. hey, come on, don’t plotz on me” thank god, he was quick enough to catch her before she hit the ground yelling for Dick to come quickly.

Grayson wasn’t usually the one to react to Jason commands and it was no different this time. It took three attempts to finally get him to move his butt, and he only did so, because his younger brother pointed out it was about Y/N. Just the mention of her name made Dick sprung out of the couch and rush to the kitchen. Oh, he did not expect to find his love unconscious in Jason’s arms and a lot of feelings flooded him. Confusion of what just happened, terror of whether she was alright and anger, ironically jealousy since Jason was the one to hold her and the unreasonable amount of guilt since because she was his girlfriend it was his duty to care about her and protect her. But all that could wait. She was the priority now. What was important, was checking her medical condition and finding out what caused her fainting. Dick was quick to take her from Jason and scoffing and frowning at his brother carried her to the bed, calling Alfred on the way.

While she was being checked up and still out cold, Dick refused to leave her side for a second, holding her hand in his, caressing her palm and praying silently that everything would turn up fine. He wouldn’t survive if it turned out that she was sick and dying for example. He should have taken better care of her, he shouldn’t have exposed her to so much stress, he should have told her to go see the doctor the second he noticed her health deteriorating. He should have…

“Master Dick?” Luckily, Alfred knew when to step in to stop the boy’s from beating himself up and his mind from spiraling

“Yes, Alfred?”

“She’s going to be all right. There’s no sign of anything suspicious about her organism. Maybe just a little increased blood pressure, but it will pass.”

“Thank God” Dick let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding “Thank you, Alfred.”

“It’s nothing .And … Dick?”

“Hm?” this time the boy did not even bother to look at the older man, his gaze fixed on the girl’s face, gently caressing her cheek, putting a strand of hair behind her ear.

“She’s gonna need some rest. And…. And I think she should see a specialist.”

“A specialist?” now he turned towards the butler “what do you mean?”

“Don’t you see? You know, master Dick for someone so well trained in observation as vigilante, you can be absolutely oblivious in real life. Y/N suffers from anxiety disorder. And maybe, maybe she’s a bit depressed, but I’m not qualified enough to determine that. “

“She’s what?” Dick opened his eyes wide in shock “Why? Why did she never tell me?”

“You will have to ask her about that yourself. I’ll leave you two alone.”

“When will she wake up?” Dick’s voice broke a little and Alfred knew how much strength it took for the boy to hold himself together upon hearing the revelations.

“Can’t really tell, but I suggest you to be patient.”

“Right…. Thank you, Alfred. Will you…. will you stay with her when I go patrolling tonight?”

“Are you crazy?” Jason came inside the room almost yelling at his older brother but quickly calming down when he noticed Y/N pale figure on the bed “You’re not going anywhere. Demon, replacement and me can take of things. She needs you more. Besides, I don’t think you;ll be able to focus on anything and as much I would love to see you beaten up for once, she would kill me if I ever let anything like that happen. Can’t risk her wrath.”

“Her wrath, huh?” Dick smirked

“Yeah. Of course. But… she’s gonna be all right, right? She just looks so weak….”

“We’ll make sure of that.”

“Why did no one tell me y/n lost consciousness?!”

“Father, calm down.”

“How can I calm down Damian? She’s……”

“She needs quiet. I suggest both of you stop yelling!”

“Who’s yelling now, Tim?!”

“Oh, shit….” Dick facepalmed

“I’ll get them out of here.” Jason stated simply

“Yeah, well, good luck with that.”

However, Jason did manage to drag Bruce, Tim and Damian out of the bedroom and forced them to focus on patrol, while Dick just stayed with Y/N. At first he was sitting beside her bed, but after fifteen minutes started getting nervous, pacing around. Why wasn’t she waking up? Alfred said she was fine, but … shit! He ruffled his hair in desperation. It was going to be a long night.

***

He gave up after three hours. He was exhausted from his own thoughts and walking back and forth like no night patrol has ever made him. Defeated by his own body and tiredness he finally laid down next to Y/N, gently sneaking his arms around her pulling her in from behind, nuzzling his face into her neck, hoping she would somehow feel his presence and the love he felt for her. Apart from a single sharp breath when he touched her and a bit of a shift in a position she did nothing more, especially did not wake up. So he just laid there, eyes shot, brows furrowed.

“Please, don’t leave me…..” he whispered against her soft skin.

***

She woke up two hours later, at 2 a.m., but not in the way he was expecting. She sprung out, crying and panting, definitely reliving some crazy nightmare. Her whole body was shaking, petrifaction in her eyes breaking his heart.

“No….” she panted, tears falling down “no, no, no, no, please……” apparently she wasn’t fully awake yet.

“Y/N” he said quietly, not wanting to scare her “It’s ok. It was just a nightmare. You’re safe. I’m here.”

“Di… dick?”

“I’m here, baby” he held her close to his chest, engulfing her in his warm embrace “No one is going to hurt you, I swear.”

“I….”

“Sh. You don’t need to say anything.“ he pulled her in even closer, not sure if he was trying to comfort her of himself. Maybe both. “Unless you want to. Do you want to?”

“No.” she shook her head

“All right then. We can just stay like this.”

“Dick?”

“Hm?” he hummed, stroking her hair and laying back down with her on top of him

“Can you just hold me like this for a while? I … I really need this.”

“Y/N. We’ve been together for like a year now and you still feel the need to ask me about it?”

“You know…. it comes from my past and……”

“Hey, it’s ok. You don’t need to explain. I will hold you for however long you need. And as long as you will allow me to.”

*** Dick knew she needed space, he did. But the nightmare that happened that one night repeated three more times in a row and he had to confront her about it. How could he let her suffer alone like this?

“Y/n, enough is enough.” He stormed into her room, not caring about the closed door

“What are you talking about?” she raised an eyebrow at him

“You need to tell me what is going on with you.”

“Nothing is…..”

“Stop it” he spat and she flinched at the tone. “Sorry, I did not mean it to come out like this” he rubbed his forehead “but I need to know what’s troubling you. I need to know what I can do to make it better…..”

“Dickie….”

“Please…” he whispered placing himself next to her, grabbing her chin softly making her look at him, knowing well enough she would try to avoid his gaze.

“How can I…..?” she gulped “how can I even begin to explain this…..?”

“Baby, it’s me. I love you. You don’t need to hide.”

“But….”

“Listen to me, nothing, nothing you did can make me change my mind about you.”

“But…..”

“I’m here for you.” he whispered kissing her forehead and this simple gesture broke her as she started sobbing, trying extremely hard to muffle it by covering her mouth with the hand. “What’s the nightmare about?”

“It’s… it’s about my father… Shit, it’s so stupid….. I should be over it, it has been so many years since…..”

“Did he do something to you?” Dick’s voice turned a bit more vigilante- like, his eyes glistening with first indications of rage

“He…. He was on short fuse… and…. Many, many times when I said or did something he did not like …..

“Y/N. You need to tell me exactly what did he do to you.”

“He used to beat me up…..” her voice was now barely a whisper “never enough to leave any bruises or cuts though. At least, not physically” she let out a hysterical laugh while still crying

“I’m gonna find him and kill him” Dick hissed, now turning into vigilante, but quickly getting back on earth. It was not right, whatever fury was running inside his veins. He could not comprehend how anyone, let alone man, fuck!, a father could use any aggression on his beloved girl. No wonder she was upset of late

“Dick, please, I’m sorry. I never should have told you. It was so long ago, I really have no idea why this started taking its toll on me now. Maybe it’s because I fell for you and … and I don’t really have good experience with men………. I’m sorry…”

“Why are you sorry? My babygirl. I love you so fucking much, you know it, right?” he pulled her into a hug, kissing her head repeatedly. I would never, never hurt you.” she was shaking hard in his embrace “God. Why did you never tell me this?” she muttered something incoherently, but he did not care about her reasons to keep it secret. “Did he beat your mum too?”

“I… I can’t remember. But to tell the truth, my mum was even worse at times…. She…..” Y/N started hyperventilating “she was more of a vocal aggressor….I… I….”

“Ok, that’s enough. Focus on me, ok? The past is in the past. You are mine to protect and care about and love . Whatever sad story you had, not every man is like your dad. I’m not.”

“I know” she sobbed desperately again “but it just hurts so deep. I never knew….”

“Sh.sh. Don’t worry. We’ll get you help. I promise. I’m not leaving you alone with this.”

And that was how she ended up in weekly meetings with psychologist. At first she was doing everything to avoid the uncomfortable, painful parts of her life. The doctor however was not easily manipulated and after first three meeting she was like a zombie, processing all the emotions extruded for years. Letting someone see them, riffle through them and make her fell apart was a lot. And deep inside she was worried if she could pick up all the pieces and figure out who she was under the surface. But slowly, slowly, she was healing and it was as much because of Dick’s and whole Batfamily support as of her own efforts.

*** Sometimes, there were bad days, obviously, sessions that made her feel broken, vulnerable and helpless. And this was definitely the case today. That was why she isolated herself in her room, putting all the information together in her head. And that was why Dick was a bit hesitant to check on her, but decided to give in and talk to her, hoping she won’t cut him out, but when she yanked her hand he wasn’t sure if it was good idea anymore.

“I’m sorry, Dick. I didn’t mean to give you the air” she looked him into the eyes, cupping his cheek “It’s just an old habit. I know you care about me. I’m… I’m still learning how to be more… open with what I feel. And how to get past my… well, past” she chuckled lightly and it was the best view he could ever see.

“Trust me, I’m learning with you. “ he leaned into her touch “And I need you to know that I’m proud of you.”

“Proud?”

“For putting yourself out there. I know it’s hard.”

“Whatever you say, Mr Nightwing.” She punched his chest

“Is this how you wanna play now, Miss Y/N?” he grabbed her wrist and kissed each of her knuckles, simplicity and tenderness of this gesture making her melt.

“Can you hold me?” she burst out “I need to know you are real and not just a friction of my imagination”

“Come here” he opened his arms and she dived in without any inhibitions. “Real enough for you?”

“I love you, you fool.” She mumbled and he laughed wholeheartedly. She was really healing.

“I love you too Y/N. More and more every day. ”

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selfpositiveundertale · 5 months ago

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Long post.

TW: car accident

Hey everyone. I'm not doing great.

I've already been having a hard time with migraines getting absolutely out of hand and interfering with literally everything in my life, but yesterday I had my first car accident. The meme I just posted is relevant. It was my fault but thankfully only me in the vehicle. Other than bruised knees(I'm short so I had the seat pulled up close so I could reach the pedals) and some mild rug burns where the air bag got me on my left hand and my neck (I had instinctively raised my arms to protect my face), I don't think I was injured in any way my chiropractor couldn't fix. Definitely jarred my entire skeleton and dislocated some ribs and messed up my neck but what else is new. I didn't hit my head and nothing hurts in any way I'm not already deeply familiar with. Surprisingly I haven't gotten a migraine yet but I'm fully expecting one soon.

Really good thing I wasn't wearing my sunglasses. I lost the pendent off my necklace though. It must have broken off when the air bag blew and then fallen into the road when I got out of the vehicle.

My vehicle is totaled. Not a great loss since the thing was on its last legs anyway but it sucks not having my own transportation now, even if I could only drive in town and couldn't leave town because it wouldn't make it far on the interstate. It would start shaking like a leaf any time I went over 50 mph and I didn't like that. I'm really sore and tired and shaken up but I'm getting through it.

My husband came immediately when I called him and he talked to the car insurance company and called his boss to take the rest of the day off work so he could be with me.

The people in the other car were mostly okay other than the man having a cut on his forehead and his wife having a scraped knee but both of their babies were completely unharmed, thank goodness. Nobody was mad at me, possibly because I was hysterical panicking inconsolable and kept apologizing and asking if they were okay. They were also on their way to the car dealership to see about getting a new vehicle anyway, so I think they'll be fine.

I made an appointment with my chiropractor this morning and he checked everything and basically said I was in pretty bad shape but not really any worse than usual, which was a great relief but not surprising. He fixed the ribs, my shoulder blades, neck, and hands and gave me some samples of a supplement he said might help the soreness. I'm also taking my painkillers, OTC pain medicine, and applying arnica cream to the bruises.

I've been so tired and sore and haven't been up to doing much of anything except eating my feelings but I'm making sure my pets get fed and helping my husband get ready for work in the morning. I don't think I'll be able to meal prep anything for him like I normally do and he says it's okay, he's not expecting anything of me if I don't feel up to it and he doesn't mind buying his breakfast and lunch.

I fear the financial repercussions of this, especially since things have already been very tight due to several sudden veterinary expenses. The cat gods looked at us and went "kittens upon you and your household" so in the last 4 weeks there have been 2 vet visits for a tiny baby runt of a kitten my husband found alone and abandoned at his workplace, one for a very pregnant stray kitty that followed a family member home and popped out 7 babies, and one for my dog when she caught a UTI. We think she's over it by now but I'm taking her back to the vet Friday for a recheck. It's been hard with her because she's been refusing to eat her dry food and we've been having to buy wet food as well as chicken breast and white rice and alternating between the wet food and a bland diet when the antibiotics made her tummy upset. I'm really hoping that by Friday I'll be brave enough to drive. The vet isn't far and my mom is going to let me take her old car for whatever I need until we manage to get me another used vehicle.

I know the car insurance is going to go up because of the crash even though now there's one less vehicle on it, and I'm praying to the heavens that I don't have to actually go to a doctor and get checked out because of the crash.

I need to see a doctor anyway about the migraines that are now coming several times a week and affecting me in unsettling ways like impairing my speech, making me nauseous when I use my eyeballs for their intended purpose, and even made me collapse once. But the clinic I usually go to because the price is income based is in the next town and I'd definitely have to have my husband take time off work to take me. I also fear they'll refer me to a neurologist. I'm certain I need to see one but since I don't have health insurance and the process for getting financial assistance at any given specialist office is (probably deliberately) incredibly difficult and tedious and almost not even worth the effort, it just doesn't seem feasible at this time.

I am trying to make things to stock my Etsy shop so I can make some money but at the moment I just don't have the energy for it. But maybe I should try anyway. The simple repetitive action of crocheting while listening to a book or Old Gods Of Appalachia might help me settle down and feel more normal. My hands ache but my compression gloves might help.

Things are just extremely scary and very painful right now. Staying determined is hard but I'm trying. I'm trying so hard.

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

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jenroses · 5 days ago

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I am in so much pain.

It's probably temporary but by which I mean "I should have an hour or so of complete relief Tuesday when they do a medial branch block" and if that works for an hour, they will follow it up in an unspecified amount of time with a nerve ablation.

You see, my spine is falling apart. On approximately six levels I have foraminal stenosis, disks bulging or slipped, and substantial spinal arthritis. Also bone spurs. None of those locations include the place where my spine takes a random hitch in what my doctor calls "mild scoliosis" and which I call "what the hell it's not supposed to bend like that and also I'm 52 and no one ever told me shit about scoliosis and I know they looked."

Anyway the cervical segments manifest in migraines sometimes and if I don't use a travel pillow to keep my shoulders off my ears when I side sleep my arms start to have Issues. But those are okay right now.

The problem now is in my lumbar and sacrum, where Something Has Gone Wrong and there are multiple nerves getting pinched and thus I have shooting pains, pins and needles and electric shock sensations down my left leg most of the time and my right leg occasionally.

My baseline chronic pain used to be a 3-4.

It's now 7 on a good day.

I also have me/cfs, and i cannot adequately express to you how fundamentally draining it is to hurt all the time.

Because I'm having a procedure tomorrow, I'm off my supplements. No turmeric extract, which is a startlingly heavy lifter in the inflammation department.

No fish oil, which seems to increase my coping ability.

And I haven't been able to take naproxen, which is a rare breakthrough med for me, since Thursday.

Which leaves oxycodone. I hate oxycodone, because it constipates me and isn't very effective at the levels which don't give me a headache.

I've been sleeping in 3-4 hour medicated chunks. The lidocaine patches which usually help are not really doing it.

Sitting up HURTS like a mofo. Standing up sends shooting pains down my leg and lights up buzzing up and down my thigh.

Nevertheless I've spent the last three weeks in Christmas/birthday prep mode, mostly directing other people's cleaning efforts but building a 3d printer and computer for my kid, and having to micromanage party prep because no one else seems to actually see the messes.

The party is over. I am lying in bed on oxycodone that has brought my pain level down to about a 5. 10 is kidney stones and childbirth. Standing up a few hours ago put me at a 9.

I managed to cobble together 6 or 7 hours of net sleep last night in 3 chunks.

In a bit I will apply a massage lotion and use gua sha stones to work on my hip and thigh. It is a very temporary relief but I need all the relief I can find. If the massage did not fatigue me, I'd do it every damn day. But overstressing my hands makes them hurt.

It's hard to remember that I have not always been in pain and that I will not always be in pain.

Fuck insurance companies and their requirements for me to go though so much to get the actual issues addressed.

Fuck Medicaid for not covering any of this shit when I had it.

Fuck fatphobic doctors who just shrugged and said "you're too fat to operate on" when I asked for help 2 years ago. The doctors I'm working with now are the second opinion but if I'd gotten real help 2 years ago I'd be better off already.

Anyway fuck everything. I'm getting 100% of my dopamine from the lovely comments people are leaving on my fanfics. So I've been posting rapidly. There's a good chance this is my last fanfic.

We're supposed to go to Costa Rica in February. I hope I can.

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adrift-in-thyme · 1 year ago

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Whumptober Day 14: “Feed me poison, fill me til I drown”

Read it on Ao3

- Time & the Chain

- Summary: Time grows ill by no ordinary sickness

CW for poisoning and all the horrifying symptoms that come with it (including vomiting and severe shortness of breath) and kidnapping

———————————-

The inn has become outrageously loud.

Time isn’t certain when it went from the usual hubbub of gathered humanity to an overwhelming cacophony of noise. All he knows is that he needs to get away from it. Now. Before he gives in to the urge to curl up on the floor in fetal position.

Strange. He can’t recall the last time he yearned to do that.

It has been years, to be certain. Years since a small child hid in a Castle Town alleyway because it had all, very suddenly, grown to be too much.

Time drags in a breath that doesn’t fully fill his lungs and pushes himself to his feet. If he steels himself, perhaps, he can look purposeful rather than panicked.

“What’s up, old man?”

Legend is staring at him from where he sits on a bench, wedged between Wild and Hyrule. He raises an eyebrow.

“You heading to bed already?”

Time tries to smile. It comes out feeling more like a grimace.

When had it grown so cold in here?

It feels as though the winds of Snowhead have swept in through the swinging double doors. He shivers slightly and the small movement makes the pounding in his head a hundred times worse.

“I’m actually headed outside,” he says, his own voice sounding strangely far away. “I just need a bit of air.”

They’re all watching him now, varying levels of concern on their faces.

“Are you alright?” Sky asks.

Time nods. “Don’t worry about me. It’s just a bit stifling in here is all. I’ll be back in soon.”

Most of them still look worried, but he can hardly afford to stand here, assuring them of his good health. The room is closing in now and blurring slightly at the edges. If he doesn’t get out soon…

With a desperate sort of abruptness, Time turns on his heel and heads for the door.

The main streets of Castle Town are still busy. The inn is relatively out of the way, though, situated snuggly in the back of the town. Few people come down here and Time is glad of it. With a sigh of relief he leans back against the wall.

…only for his legs to give way seconds later.

The ground tips beneath his feet, his stomach lurches, and suddenly he finds himself on his hands and knees. He stares down at the cold cobblestone, trying vainly to comprehend what has just happened. He had been fine a half an hour ago — he had been fine mere seconds ago, save of course, for the sudden onset of a migraine and the dizziness and cold and the way the room had surged and shrieked like a monster let loose…but those had been…

Time’s eye widens slightly. A series of shives rage through him, sudden and unbidden and terrible. They make his teeth chatter so hard he has to grit them together to keep from biting his tongue.

Something is wrong, he realizes, somewhat dazedly. Very wrong. He has suffered enough illnesses, enough injuries to know this one is not normal.

But his head has begun to feel heavy, his thoughts as sluggish and thick as the fog of the Lost Woods. And though he grasps for it, the answer he seeks hovers just out of reach.

Then, it flees entirely, replaced instead by sheer panic.

He can’t breathe.

He tries, fighting to draw precious air through airways that suddenly feel too tight. But he only manages a half-breath that leaves him feeling dizzy. Desperately, he inhales once more.

But his lungs don’t expand to welcome the air he craves. Instead, the pounding in his head intensifies. And in the next moment, his stomach rebels violently. He pitches forward and vomits.

There’s blood in it, he notes, blearily. That’s more than a little worrying.

Or it would be if he could think past the immediate conglomeration of dizziness and pain and a hazy sort of directionless fear.

A shudder rages through him. His body decides it no longer has the strength to hold itself up. He collapses sideways and his surroundings tip with him, streetlights smearing golden light across a navy sky, buildings elongating unnaturally.

For a terrible moment, he is certain that he’s falling. And maybe he’ll keep falling, down, down, down into endless darkness and he’ll be trapped again, imprisoned in a world that won’t remember him, a world destined to be destroyed.

But then his shoulder connects painfully with something hard and he realizes he is lying on the cobblestones.

Still fighting to breathe. And now to swallow. It feels as though his entire throat is closing itself off. Soon he won’t have any air at all.

This has all escalated rather quickly, he thinks with an absurd, giddy sort of mirth. And to think all he had wanted was fresh air. Unfortunately, for him there is none to be had.

Another round of shivers come, tearing his aching body apart, stealing what little breath he still has. It drives away the odd hilarity, brings back the panic of before.

He needs to get up. He needs to find help. But even speaking seems an insurmountable challenge.

Time squeezes his eye shut. His fingernails are sharp against his palm, but the pain grounds him, keeps him awake. And somehow, he knows beyond the shadow of a doubt that he has to stay awake.

Nausea roils in him again. He gags, tasting blood and the remnants of dinner. Dimly, he wonders how long ago it was when he sat with the other heroes, listening to them laugh and tell stories over bowls of warm stew. It feels like an eternity has passed since then. But he doubts that that is true.

Either way, the thought of food makes his stomach protest. There is nothing left in it now to expel. Yet his body tries anyway, violently. Clearly, it wants whatever is inside of him, out.

Poison.

The realization finally breaks through. But it’s too late to entertain the fresh wave of panic. He is fading now, the taste of blood pungent on his tongue, stones cold against his skin. Even if he had the strength to do more than lie here and attempt to breathe, it wouldn't do him any good. He doesn’t know how to deal with poison. He’s never had to learn.

Footsteps sound now. He registers them, distantly, through a fog he can’t find his way out of. Then, voices reach him, muffled by the whirring in his ears.

“Is he dead?”

“No, he’s still breathing. I can hear his wheezing from here. Pathetic.”

“Besides, we never wanted him completely dead, remember? Just very, very close. Now, come on. You know what to do.”

Hands grasp his arms and roughly haul him up. Ropes snake around his wrists and pull tight. A cloth finds its way into his mouth. And all the while his every instinct screams at him to run, to struggle, to fight. But his limbs are leaden, unable to even keep him upright. He slumps heavily in his captor’s grasp.

“He won’t last much longer without the antidote.”

“Well, we don’t have much longer before the others worry and come to check on him. We go now. He’ll last until we get where we need to be.”

They begin to drag him. His feet are uncooperative, unable to even catch on the stones as they move forward. Darkness dances tantalizingly before him. He tries and fails to take another breath.

“It’s better this way,” he hears them say faintly, in the moments before he plunges into oblivion, “to keep him in this state. The Hero of Termina…he isn’t one you should underestimate.”

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more-better-words · 17 days ago

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Karveth learns a lesson about human reproduction (not like that).

Monica felt the first twinges while she was still at work. It was a naggingly familiar sensation, but she was moving and busy and didn’t pay it much mind. But by the time her shift was over and she was on the tram home, she was sweating, a hard, gripping, nauseating pain radiating from below her navel. Every so often, it would morph into a sharp prodding stab centered above her hip bones, first the left and then the right. Oh no, she thought as she entered the lift, heading up to their apartment. Oh crap.

She grimaced as she fumbled with the apartment door, feeling a suspicious wetness between her legs, and not the fun kind. How could this have happened? She hadn’t had a period in over…

Five years.

“Crap,” she said aloud. Did she even have any supplies anymore? She leaned against the wall, eyes squeezed shut, another cramp gut-punching her as she tried to think.

A memory stirred: Packing up her old apartment, discovering a disused cup in the back of the bathroom cabinet. Had she kept it?

She couldn’t move fast – she felt like she was walking through quicksand – but she made it to the bathroom. And there, haphazardly tossed behind some rarely used hair products, she found it. She let out a sigh of relief and, with out-of-practice fingers, got it placed.

“Okay, crisis averted,” she said. But that didn’t do much for the fact she felt like she'd been run down by a cargo loader. She took a couple of pain pills (which felt woefully inadequate) and sat on the edge of the bed, breathing very deliberately through her nose. Eventually, she eased herself onto her side, rolling into the center of the bed. She grabbed Karveth’s pillow and hugged it hard, breathing in his scent. That helped a little.

She wasn’t sure how long she lay there before she heard the door open, and Karveth’s voice. “Monica?”

“I'm in here,” she called, and she must have sounded truly awful, because he appeared in the doorway, eyes wide and antennae alarmed.

“Are you alright?” he asked worriedly. “Is it a migraine? Did you have a breakthrough?”

He was so sweet, she thought, looking up at his handsome face and smiling wanly. “No, it's not a migraine.”

That did nothing to ease him. “Then what’s wrong?”

“Um… how much do you know about human reproduction?”

He tilted his head, his worry overwritten by blank confusion. Finally he said, “Obviously not enough.”

She managed a dry little chuckle, and gave him what she felt was a pretty decent middle school health class rundown of ovulation and the menstrual cycle. He listened intently, and didn’t interrupt, though he did blink very hard a few times, especially at the part about shed uterine lining.

“Let me guess,” she said when she was done, “that's not how it works for Andorians?”

“No,” he said firmly. He gave her a curious look. “And this happens to every human capable of conception?” he asked. She nodded. “Then why has it not happened to you until now?”

“I had a birth control implant,” she said, trying to sit up. Karveth put a hand on her shoulder to nudge her gently back down. “The hormones paused ovulation, so I didn’t have periods. They don't last forever – only about five years – and I guess I forgot about mine because, well… I can't get pregnant with you.”

“It was obviously serving a useful purpose to prevent this sort of discomfort every month. And this will last for days?”

“Nearly a week,” she confirmed. He looked horrified, and she said, “I won't be in this much pain the whole time. For me at least, the cramps are really just a first day thing. Some people aren’t so lucky.”

He looked at her, pale and grimacing and clutching his pillow. “This is good luck?” He stroked her hair. “What can I do, sh'tal? What do you need?”

“I've already taken some pain meds, but heat helps with the cramps. I've got a heating pad somewhere… maybe in the other bedroom? And I’m, uh… I’m kind of craving something sweet.”

He nodded. “Give me a moment.”

He stood and left; she heard rummaging from the other room, and a few moments later, he returned with the heating pad and the heavy quilt she usually kept on the couch. He lay the heating pad over her belly, turned it on, and covered her with the blanket. “Now,” he said. “About your craving?”

She let her tastebuds do the talking. “Honestly, hot chocolate sounds amazing.”

“I doubt you are desiring what our beverage synthesizer can provide. I will be back.”

Before she could protest, he was gone, the apartment door closing behind him. Ten minutes later, he reappeared, carrying a takeaway cup from the coffee shop down the street. The scent of hot chocolate filled the bedroom. “Oh, sweetie…” She sat up, accepting the drink from him. He resumed his seat beside her as she sipped.

“Does that help?” he asked.

“It does,” she told him, reaching for his hand and squeezing it. “You're so good to me.”

“You deserve all I can do and more.”

When she had finished her hot chocolate, she said, “If I can make another request…”

“Of course.”

“Can I have some cuddles?”

He smiled slightly. “As many as you require.” He slipped under the blanket with her, sliding his arms around her and holding her close to his chest. Snuggling his pillow had served in a pinch, but this was far better. Between the warm cocoa, the heating pad, and her Karveth, she was beginning to feel less dreadful.

“All this pampering is nice,” she said, “but I still think I’m going to be getting my implant renewed. Even if I don’t need it for birth control.” She shot him an uneasy sidelong look. “Does it, um… does it bother you that you can’t get me pregnant?”

“That has never been the purpose of our mating,” he pointed out.

“What if we wanted it to be, some day?”

He met her gaze. “Then it still would not bother me, because if that was what we wanted, I think we would find a way to achieve that desire, one way or another.” He kissed her temple. “But this seems like a topic better discussed when you are not in pain and ill at ease.” She smiled ruefully.

“That's fair.” She closed her eyes. “Thank you, thay'va.”

“Whatever is within my power to ease your pain and give you comfort, I will do. Always.”

She burrowed deeper into his arms. “Mmmmm, so good to me.” The cramps were finally beginning to back off; she could feel herself relaxing, sleep starting to tug at her. She wouldn’t mind resuming her period-free life in the least, but it was nice to have this reminder that whenever she needed him, her r'eysleten would be there for her.

A girl could really get used to this.

#fic #Karveth x Monica #Andorian/human #cuddles #menstruation mention

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motelsnleatherseats · 4 months ago

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hiiii here is a prompt for you:

wincest s1-2 OR later seasons esp like s8? with daddy kink.... rude controlling dean who's been sam's real daddy his whole life and super pliant grateful sammy who adores him to the point where he is willing to endure pain to please dean

Sam looks pitiful, even though he's trying his damndest to hide it. It's hard for him, always has been with the way his features always manage to exude that kicked puppy expression. It reminds Dean of when they were younger and Sam would get sick or be going through a rough patch in his mental or emotional health, the poor kid, and Dean would easily put on his caretaker persona.

The trials are harder on Sam than he's willing to voice, but Dean knows. It's taking a toll on him, on both of them, but Sam is stubborn and thinks his suffering is for the best because it's somehow cleansing him even though he looks like he's on death's doorstep, and he's refusing any nurturing from his older brother. It puts Dean on edge.

Sam's been sleeping for an inordinate amount of time, has barely left his room in 24 hours and Dean's had enough. He won't eat, he won't hydrate, and he seems to be living in his suffering, so Dean decides if he won't let him take care of him that way, he'll have to take care of him in the only other way he knows how.

Dean slips into Sam's room where the air is a little heavy, like whatever celestial ailment tormenting his little brother is permeating and it sets his brow in a furrow, a frown tugging at his lips. Even in the dark space, Dean can see Sam lying on his side, his breathing steady and even. He climbed into bed next to him, moving a hand up to brush some of his hair away from his neck, and he can feel it damp with a cold sweat.

"Sammy," Dean murmured, rousing his brother to consciousness.

"Dean?" Sam asked, reflexes dulled by his foggy state of mind, shifting to try and sit up as his mind tries to make sense of what was happening, but Dean stops him, turns his shoulder so that he faced him instead, and Sam crumples back to the bed, eyes unfocused.

"I know you don't feel good, Sam, I know you're suffering," he started and Sam gave a disgruntled sound, about to put up a fight. "You gotta let me take care of you, man. You gotta let me help you feel better," he coaxed, moving his hand to cup Sam's cheek before he leaned in to press their lips together.

Sam wanted to argue, but he couldn't muster the energy to do so, and feeling Dean initiate affection towards him lifted a little bit of the heavy burden of guilt he had been piling on his shoulders ever since Dean had gotten back from purgatory. His eyes fell closed like he could go right back to sleep, but instead he returned the kiss before giving a subtle nod of his head.

"You remember back when you'd have migraines and fevers?" Dean asked against his lips, sliding one hand down between them to push under the material of the thing shirt clinging to Sam's torso. His skin was hot to the touch, temperature obviously elevated. "Remember when sometimes you'd be so delirious you thought I was dad?" he asked, and Sam exhaled a quiet sound.

"Yeah," Sam murmured, letting himself go pliant, letting Dean touch where he pleased and guide him.

"You gonna let me take care of you?" He asked again, pushing his shirt up and off before he moved to position himself between Sam's thighs as he laid him on his back. Sam knew what he was asking for.

"Yes, daddy," Sam replied, voice just barely above a whisper, his eyes half-lidded as he gazed up at his older brother. His chest ached suddenly, feeling pangs of guilt once again as the gravity of the situation had settled in. Dean had always taken care of him, stitched him back together, pulled him back from ledges. He owed him everything, and he was grateful for a chance of penance.

He lets Dean fuck him despite the discomfort and pain with the state his body is in, tries to grasp at the little bit of comfort in knowing Dean still wants him this way, that's he's willing to touch and kiss him despite all the wrong that Sam has done him, so long as it makes Dean feel good.

#asks #prompts #wincest #i went the season 8 route cause i'm big on sam suffering #probably went a different direction than what the requester was asking for #but i have a lot of feelings on season 8

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3mcwriting · 1 year ago

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Any Fan's Dream, Part 21

Taglist: @secretly-sirens, @zeeader, @imdoingathingmom, @x-theolivia, @ainsley-official, @huntress-artemiss, @hoohoohope, @ourgoddessathena, @wiintaersoldier, @vine-enthusiast, @afraidofshrimp, @myfturn, @im-better-than-your-newborn, , @mjaudrey, @igotthisasajokeyetimstillhere, @starr60, @coldmermaidhologram, @daenerysluvrr, @viperchick47, @marvelwomen-arehot, @mynightandstars

So, recently this fic hasn't had much interaction, and I'm not sure why. One of you told me that it can be buggy and hard to reach, so I'm sorry abt that but if you ever wonder abt updates, I'm gonna start up dating every saturday. Just go to my masterlist, then to the afd masterlist and to the new chapter. Hopefully you're all able to find it now. This will be the last time I post the masterlist because it hasn't been working well.

Any Fan's Dream Masterlist

Synopsis:

When you look around and see Avengers Tower in front of you and Peter Parker beside you, you wonder how the hell you managed to get into the MCU.

Your migraine and your recent suffocation seemed to get along great (unfortunately for your head).

Your breathing was labored, your throat was aching and scratchy, and you were struggling to speak.

Overall, a great time.

You struggled to sit up against the cool cement ball behind you, head spinning as you did so. Finally managing to get your back to the wall, you tried to prop yourself up using it, slowly rising to your feet. You were disoriented, barely managing to keep your balance even with the wall supporting you. Your brain didn't seem to want to remember what had happened to lead to you waking up on the floor in pain but you forced yourself to remember.

The voice over the intercom, the lights going out, and someone pulling you away from your friends and suffocating you. Your entire body trembled at the memory of being so helpless while you were taken away from the people you cared about.

Now wasn't the time to think about that though, there were people talking in this room, you could hear them faintly.

You tried to say something, opening your mouth and hardly a noise leaving it. You began to panic, why couldn't you speak? You tried to clear your throat, the action only inciting more pain in the abused area.

You licked your lips, trying again.

Barely a whisper came out.

You took that as progress, trying again, this time your words coming out in a soft rasp.

"I-" you faltered, struggling to say the rest of the words. "I'm over here."

The voices stopped.

Rapid footsteps approached you, a lot of them. You could see them: Thor, Steve, Wanda, Bucky, and Clint, but the light from the glowing cells didn't reach you.

"(y/n), where are you?" Steve's voice was bordering on frantic. "(y/n)?"

"Here," you managed to force out the single word slightly easier than before.

Bucky was the first to find you, being more familiar with the room than the rest of the group. He had followed your voice, getting close enough to hear your labored breathing.

You could see the outline of his body and the faintest glint of light off his metal arm. You reached out, your fingers brushing the metal.

He stiffened. "She's over here."

"Are you okay?" Bucky asked.

You managed a raspy, "yes," barely managing to stay standing.

Bucky steeled himself, seeing how you struggled to stand upright, knowing you'd need someone to brace yourself as you moved. He wasn't great with people touching him, too used to the abuse that physical interaction was with Hydra.

Wanda found the two of you, deathly concerned for you. "(y/n), could I wrap an arm around you? We should get out of here."

You wanted to say that you could walk by yourself, but you were at the point that even you could admit that you needed help. "Yeah, go ahead."

Wanda felt her heart squeeze at your voice, but grabbed your arm, setting it over her shoulder while she wrapped an arm around your torso.

With Wanda's body supporting your own, you managed to hobble out of the shadows, the rest of them returning to the entrance of the room once they saw you.

Your legs were fine but your head was pounding almost as bad as it was when you'd first gotten the concussion. You were worried that if Wanda let go of you you would just crumple to the floor. Your head was bothering you so much that you missed the unconscious assassins on the floor until Thor began picking them up like sacks of flour.

For a moment you thought they were dead, but you saw the rise and fall of their chests after a moment. They weren't the only people you missed in your dazed state.

Your eyes went round when they landed on Scott and Sam who were flanking Zemo, the man in between them in restraints. He looked up as you emerged from the shadows with Wanda, feeling ashamed when he saw the state you were in.

"I apologize, (y/n)(l/n)."

"Don't speak to her." Wanda's eyes glowed red, like the warning light of an alarm.

She escorted you back to the entrance of the bunker, Thor following behind the two of you, ready to drop everything in case you needed extra help to walk (quite literally, he was ready to drop the four assassins stacked in his arms if you needed help).

As of that day hadn’t been bad enough already, somebody was waiting outside the entrance as the three of you exited the bunker.

You cursed in your head, remembering what was supposed to happen in this part of the movie.

T'Challa was supposed to find out that Bucky hadn't been the one to bomb the building that resulted in his father's death, but with your plot-changes, you had arrived before he did and he didn't know.

He was here for Bucky.

"Your majesty," you greeted, voice still fucked up, too soft for this situation. "There's something you need to know-"

You stopped, hearing the footsteps behind you and the way T'Challa had tensed. You turned around, seeing the rest of the group, both Steve and Bucky carrying an unconscious assassin.

Steve saw the king, looking in between his best friend and the man that wanted to kill him. "Bucky didn't set off the bomb, your majesty. It wasn't him."

T'Challa took his word with a grain of salt, knowing the extent to which he had already gone to protect his best friend and figuring that Steve would say just about anything to protect Bucky.

Too blinded by his own rage, T'Challa attacked, almost managing to slip past Steve to get to his true target. Steve dropped the person in his arms, stepping around them quickly and pulling T'Challa back before putting himself between the vengeful king and the tortured veteran.

Steve was fighting T'Challa, but he was fighting and losing.

His shield was still on his back and T'Challa wasn't allowing any time for him to grab it. Without the vibranium barrier, he was stuck with evading T'Challa's claws, no time to land his own punches on the man.

T'Challa was ferocious, driven by vengeful rage, but still fighting with the finesse you had seen in the movies. He didn't allow his emotions to cloud his mind because although he currently had the upper hand, he knew that the man he was fighting could overpower him if he got sloppy.

You watched in horror as Bucky joined the fight, knowing just how powerful T'Challa's determination was.

T'Challa's hand swiped at Bucky's throat, claws grazing his neck just barely, a line of red appearing as a shallow cut formed.

"Stop! Please!" You were desperate.

This couldn't be what happened.

"STOP FUCKING FIGHTING!! SERGEANT BARNES DIDN'T SET OFF THE EXPLOSION!" You were fed up. You did not go through an explosion, days on your feet with a concussion, and getting suffocated just for this shit to happen. "I WAS THERE, REMEMBER?? I JUMED IN FRONT OF YOUR FATHER! IT WASN'T SERGEANT BARNES!!"

Deafened by his own grief and anger, T'Challa continued fighting.

He saw it.

Bucky staggered, the snow messing up his movement. He managed to catch himself almost instantly, but T'Challa had already reached out, claws striking out like a knife.

"I SAID TO FUCKING STOP!" You jumped in the way before it could happen, unwilling to let James Buchanan Barnes die over a stupid misunderstanding.

T'Challa's eyes went wide when he realized what was happening, but his claws plunged into your skin before he could stop. He pulled back, but it was too late.

You looked down dazedly. "What the fuck."

And you passed out.

Wanda's voice was high with worry. "(y/n)! (y/n)!" She ran to you, stumbling in the snow and cursing the world.

"LADY (Y/N)!" Thor bellowed, rushing to you.

Bucky caught you.

You had shielded him, jumped in front of him, and took fucking knives for him.

Why?

The fight stopped, Steve running to you while Clint did the same and Sam started the quinjet so that they could get you out of there and to medical attention as fast as possible.

Steve's heart almost stopped.

There was so much blood.

You had been stabbed mostly in the arm, but also on the side of your torso. Two of his claws had punctured scarily deep into your arm, one had just barely grazed your arm, while the other had went deep into your side.

Steve took you from Bucky, cradling you in his arms while he sprinted to the quinjet. The rest of the team followed him, T'Challa watching regretfully. He had never meant to hurt you. He just needed Barnes to pay for what he'd done. But not you. You were the reason his father survived the explosion.

Half of him was urging him to run after Barnes, to get him and make him feel the pain T'Challa had felt when his father had been hurt. He had to stop himself, recalling what you'd yelled to make them stop fighting. Sure, you could've just been saying anything to get them to stop fighting, but he didn't think you were lying. After all, you were also injured in the explosion, and if Barnes was the man behind it, that meant you had just risked your life for the man.

Since the moment Bucky had seen you, you had instilled nothing but confusion within him. Who were you? Why were you so welcoming to him? Why were you so eager to help?

But at the moment, one question prevailed.

Why had you saved his life at the risk of your own?

Everything had been a blur during the fight, but he had immediately known what was going to happen the moment he stumbled in the snow. Sure, it had only slowed him down slightly, but he knew that that second would mean his death.

And while that should've scared him, he could only remember all the lives he'd taken. All the pain caused at his hands and the decades of torture he'd endured and the nightmares that made sleeping more than impossible.

After all the blood he spilled, he couldn't help but think that maybe it was a fitting way to die.

Violently, painfully--just the way he'd hurt so many others.

He thought that maybe he deserved it.

But instead of those claws plunging into his body, they went into yours.

You, the person he barely knew, the one he'd only just met.

Young, happy, with people who cared about you. He didn't know you well---he hardly knew you at all---but even he could see how much you cared about the people you surrounded yourself with.

So, yeah, maybe he did deserve to die in the way he'd killed so many others, but he knew you didn't deserve that fate.

"Tony-"

"What are you doing calling me? You've made it pretty clear-"

"For once in your life, shut the fuck up!" Steve was fed-up and worried. He had just lost Peggy, he didn't want to lose another person he cared about. "(y/n)'s hurt."

"She's hurt?" Tony instantly went serious. "How bad?"

"It doesn't look good," Steve was unsteady, hardly believing what was happening. "We're trying to get to a hospital but there's none anywhere nearby."

Tony hadn't had a good day in a while.

With the Accords announced and the problems that arose with that---with Steve---a rift had formed between the team. Not to mention how Steve's friend had bombed the signing of the Accords, only for it turn out that he had most likely been framed. And last, but most definitely not least, the leaking of the Accords had caused even more of a shitstorm.

Seeing some of the things that had been exposed, Tony was almost relieved. With the outrage the public was showing towards the Accords and the proof of the unethical aspects of it, all the governments behind the Accords were going to have to reevaluate their stance on it and figure out if they were worth the risk of uprising in their countries.

The Avengers had saved too many lives, inspired too many people, for those very people to allow their heroes to be treated like war criminals. That said, there were of course the people who still supported the Accords, but the number of those people were shrinking the more information was uncovered.

With the last week full of enough shit to fill up every Porta-Potty on the planet, Tony really shouldn't have been surprised that it would only get worse.

You were hurt.

And from the sound of Steve's voice, you were hurt bad.

Was it not enough that he had to deal with the fear and worry when you'd been caught in the explosion? This time, you weren't even with him. He couldn't help you at all. You were in pain and possibly dying and he was stuck waiting in his private jet for his phone to track Steve's so that he could figure out where you were.

Once his phone had pinpointed Steve's location, he instructed F.R.I.D.A.Y. to follow them until they caught up. But even going as fast as they were, he knew he wouldn't catch them for at least two hours.

"Tony, what happened?" Natasha was pretty sure she knew exactly what had happened, but she didn't want her suspicions to be true.

Peter already knew.

With his enhanced senses, he'd heard exactly what had been said on the phone.

You were hurt.

And he was useless to help you.

Thor looked up at Steve's words.

You were lain out on the floor, Wanda and Clint trying to stop your bleeding. You'd already lost a lot of blood, if they didn't get real medical help soon, he knew you wouldn't survive. If Steve was right and there weren't any hospitals nearby, you were doomed to death. After all, you were only human. If you had been a god you would-

Thor's eyes lit up, knowing exactly how to help you.

"I must take Lady (y/n)." Thor spoke, everyone looking to him. "I can get her help better than any human could provide." He was already moving to you, both Wanda and Clint hesitant to let him take you but too worried about what would happen to you if he didn't.

"What are you going to do?" Steve asked.

"Take her to Asgard."

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