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apenapaperandadoofus · 4 years

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in relation to my drowsy share, anyway can we have the rfa + minor trio's take on an mc that is so crazy for a fictional character meanwhile they are in love with mc? they be like: hELLo - crackhead anon

Hey there crackhead anon! I’ve missed yaaaaa

RFA+minor trio with an MC who is in love with fictional characters (instead of them *insert sad violin music*)

Part 2 here!

Zen:

Aight listen

At first he’s chill about it

He just thinks you don’t know how to pick up hints, because he’s literally been flirting with you for a while now

But then, after time passes and you still don’t realize he’s hitting on you, and you’re still sort of fangirling over this fictional character, he WILL be a bit mad

I mean why do you need to romance 2d boys when he’s there??? Do you just not like him??? What was wrong with him, mC pLeAsE

Truth be told, he will try and act like your anime/game character. He WILL do it, all he can to get you to understand he LIKES you

You like angry bois? He will become an angry boy. Tsunderes? Well, it’s not like he l-likes you or anything baka! Cool flirty type? He will up his game

Although it takes a while, Zen finds out one of your favorite confessions from your favorite game, and decides to copy it! He will be all romantic and everything

Thankfully you were FINALLY able to understand that he likes you, and it’ll probably be a funny story you tell everyone in the RFA

Yoosung:

Angry boi angry boi

Yoosung has never flirted in his life

Well, he’s not good at it, it’s not something he has really done before

Imagine the PAIN this poor guy must be through when he finally takes the courage to flirt and...

You don’t get it

HOW?

Zen has even tried giving Yoosung some advice, which usually works,but you’re still not picking up his hints!

One day Yoosung finds you smiling at your phone screen and he’s lowkey ready to fuck a bitch up

But then he sees you’re playing a game... ANS GETS EVEN MORE JEALOUS

I mean, come on! You’re choosing an AI over him? Why MC WHY T_T

After curling up in his bed and crying for three hours, Yoosung decided to just tell you and get it over with.

He was really scared, and his hands shook as he dialed up your number.

You immediatly answered, which made him let out a little yelp, and after a bit of stammering Yoosung decided to confess his feelings for you.

“I...I love you Y/N. And, I-I know I’m not exactly your type of guy...like the ones in your game. I’m not really like...like them but I, I promise I will do my best to become the type of man you want to be with!”

....

“Y/N please speak I am panicking.”

You laughed. “It’s alright Yoosung. Truth is...I like you too...and you’re exactly like the guy in my game, why do you even think I was romancing him? You don’t have to change, I love you for who you are.”

Yoosung tried his best to hold back his tears, and after the two of you hung up he gave a little WHOOP

Jaehee:

So, Jaehee was really taken aback when she realized that she had feelings for you. After all, she never really thought about having a partner before

She was really new to the experience. Sure, she had been confessed to in her high school days (I mean look at her she probably got so many love letters AHG) but that was all she knew.

So she went to Zen for advice, which was great! The thing neither of you had planned though, was that you would be far too focused on your anime waifus to realize that Jaehee was flirting with you

Honestly she isn’t even mad. She’s just confused. I mean, she gets what it’s like idolizing someone, but I mean, Zen was real.

So Jaehee lays low for a while. To be honest, she feels a bit jealous whenever you gush and fawn over this character, or this other character, because your eyes light up in such a beautiful way, she can’t help but want them to light up like that for her.

After months and months, Zen finally decides to tell you that Jaehee likes you. He had taken you out to dinner, and you almost dropped your fork when he told you.

Immediatly, he drove you to Jaehee’s house. She came out in her cute pijamas, with no glasses on. You were honestly about to die.

After saying bye (and thanks) to Zen, you went to sit with Jaehee in her living room, and there you confessed your feelings for her. Jaehee was super confused,after all you would never shut up about the character you liked, and she really believed she had no shot. Yet, here you are, confessing to her. Jaehee can’t help but smile and blush.

She will always tease you about your character crushes, but she understands you. She has even found a few of her own! (But she’ll never tell you.)

Jaehee thinks it’s really funny how you never understood that she was trying to give you hints, or even the time she used a pick up line on you (Zen’s idea) and you two laugh about it when you lay in bed, cuddling.

Jumin:

He is very confused

First of all, he’s dealing with a LOT of emotions right now

And then second, when he decided to express his feelings for you, you don’t really understand?

Which is super confusing, I mean, it always works in his soap operas

Instead though, you are in love with a fictional character.

Excuse me what?

Jumin really doesn’t understand

MC he’s fake pls love me

Honestly I think this would lead to a really funny montage of Jumin buying you super expensive things, and making the biggest romantic gestures, while you just remain clueless as to what’s going on lol

He gets a whole orchestra to play your favorite song, he always gets you your favorite flowers or chocolates, he’s always doing the most romantic things he can find on the internet! (Yes he had to look up how to flirt lol)

One day, you’re both talking on the phone, and it’s late at night. The moon and stars are getting the both of you super sentimental, and at one point while Jumin is looking out into the balcony, he smiles and then whispers your name.

You immediatly stop talking and blush like crazy. Then, before you could say anything else, he starts speaking again.

“Y/N. There’s something really important I have to tell you. In all my life...no one has ever gotten to make me...make me feel so much. I’ve always been told to bury my emotions, to never show them. Then you came along and I found that I could never stop myself from...from feeling...I’ve never felt like this before, the feeling of loving someone, of cherishing someone. They weren’t feelings I hadn’t known until I met you. You have changed my life. And I mean it, Y/N. I have become more open, it’s as if my heart was a frozen lake and then you came and melted me away and well, what I’m trying to say is that I love you.”

“Jumin that was the best confession ever, I- I love you too!”

Afterwards Jumin is fine with you going crazy for a fictional character, as long as he always ends up getting tons of hugs and kisses too.

Jumin was never really jealous, except the times when he left for business trips, because he knew that some games had these audios to help you sleep (you told him a while ago) and that was the only thing that made him a bit worried.

One time when he came home early, you jumped up from your bed where you were playing and ran up to hug Jumin. Your phone screen was still on and he could see the character smiling seductively at you. He may or may not have stuck his tongue out at it for a split second (he had all the right to though, I mean why would you want a fictional character when you have JUMIN ajfbdbsb)

Saeyoung:

So, after the whole ME ordeal was over, you two still hadn’t really tied the knot. You weren’t even together.

Saeyoung had realized that he liked you, more than he’s ever liked a person before, and he felt that it was alright now...after all, there was no more agency, or weird cults or whatever.

He thought it would be fine.

Oh how wrong he was

Saeyoung does have his own way of showing his affections, by bulding apps or robots, anything of the sort! Yet you still didn’t seem to understand that he liked you

Instead you were head over heels for this one guy in a stupid game.

Listen, Saeyoung was pretty jealous alright? He kept trying to flirt but you didn’t understand, and you actually seemed to be in love with a fictional character! What was he supposed to do now?

Well eventually he figured out how to make his feelings clear for you.

One night, you opened up your game after a long day. You loaded your file and hummed the games background music as you progressed through the story, and giggled whenever your favorite character would appear.

Then, when your favorite cutscene was about to happen, your computer froze.

You frowned and gently tapped the screen, seeing if that would make it work. But no.

You panicked and clicked your screen, trying to restart your computer, to close the application, just to figure out what was wrong.

Then suddenly some text appeared, as if from the game, and a sprite you had never seen before (but was familiar) appeared on the screen.

Saeyoung?

You raised an eyebrow and went out into the living room, looking at the camera and trying to ask Seven what was going on, but he didn’t seem to reply.

You then grabbed your computer and kept clicking through the game.

“Y/N” it said. “It’s me! God7! Aren’t you feeling so grateful right now? Knowing that the one and only Savior of Justice is right here, inside your computer! Not everyone gets this sort of treatment you know? Anyway, the thing is, I hope you’re not mad that I hacked into your game. Oh, don’t worry though! I will fix it as soon as we’re done talking...well...the thing is....Y/N. I know it’s really weird that I’m talking to you through this, but I feel like it’s the only way I can get you to understand how you make me feel. Thanks to you I got my brother back, and the RFA is closer than ever. I don’t even have an agency to work for anymore. You’ve done so much for all of us. And the thing is, during that process I...I fell in love with you. I love your smile, your voice, your eyes, your face, everything. Yet you only seem to have eyes for that game character, hmph! How dare he try to get between my beautiful 606 and me!? To be honest...I don’t know if you like me back. For all I know you’re ready to marry that one guy, but I just have to be honest now, and tell you how I feel. That’s all. You don’t have to reply yet though! I’m sorry I can’t be like those guys in your games, but I’ll show you that 707 can be way better than them! Anyway, I think I’ve kept you for too long. I’ll go now...bye!”

A woosh sound effect was heard, and then your computer turned back to normal, your character smiling up at you, the romantic music playing on the background. But you just sat there, blushing.

Seven....liked you?!

Holy shit! And you didn’t even realize!

You quickly turned off your computer and ran over to the living room, getting in clear view of the camera. You waved your arms frantically and smiled at the lens as you said “I love you Saeyoung!”

Did he hear? You didn’t really know. Well not until you heard a knock on your door and when you opened, Saeyoung quickly ran over and hugged you.

He lets you still be crazy for fictional characters, the only rule is that you can’t buy any body pillows of them.

“Why buy them when you have me! Y/N, you know I’m the best quality for a body pillow” he winked at you, and you rolled your eyes.

In conclusion, the two of you always laugh remembering how you never got that he was flirting, and how in love you appeared to be with the fictional character.

#mystic messenger #jumin han #saeyoung choi #saeran choi #mysme #yoosung kim #jaehee kang #jihyun mysme #choi bois #mysme zen

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owlpip · 4 years

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hey sorry to bother you but i wanted to ask what you use to draw digitally? i’m looking to get a drawing tablet but i don’t know where to start and i’ve seen you draw on live and i have no idea what kind of tablet you’re using, thank u in advance if u choose to respond <33 ily

hi! absolutely no problem at all, I love these kinds of questions. this is pretty lengthy as I am unnecessarily verbose when it comes to answering questions like these...

I use a 2016 Wacom MobileStudio Pro 13 and I love it! it took me nearly a year of research, comparing tablets, searching where to purchase, and saving up for me to decide on the MobileStudio and, after two and a half years of using it nearly every day, I have certainly discovered some pros and cons to it. I’ll list those for you after which I’ll list what I looked for in a tablet while I was searching.

pros:

- I don’t need a computer. the driver is built into the tablet itself so it’s technically considered a computer. this means I don’t need to attach it to a computer for it to function like you would a graphic tablet or a computer drawing tablet.

- carrying it around is relatively easy. because of the point above, travelling with it is pretty easy due to the fact that I don’t have to lug around a computer with it as well. which means I can also use it in small spaces or while I’m travelling like on a bus, airplane, car, etc. plus, the mobilestudio I bought is 13 inches long, so it fits in most computer sized bags.

- display/screen. the display is beautiful. the colors are vibrant and crisp. the pen pressure is super amazing and since that was one of the most important things I was looking for in a tablet, I couldn’t be happier with it.

- the pen. the pen that comes with the tablet is fantastic. you don’t need to charge it like you do with the Apple Pen which, in my mind, sounds like hell. the pen also comes with interchangeable nibs: felt and plastic. the felt nibs are god’s gift to artists... i love them. they make you feel like you’re drawing on paper and they can’t scratch your screen like the plastic ones are capable of if you use them too much. also, if you flip the pen like you would a pencil, it has an eraser that also uses pen pressure like the nib side!

- buttons. both the pen and the tablet come with built-in customizable buttons called ExpressKeys. the pen has two and the 13 inch tablet has six. 16 inch tablet has more. these buttons are easily programable to specific keystrokes (ctrl-z to undo, ctrl-alt-z to redo, etc) or clicks (right click, double click) which are helpful with it comes to specific commonly used commands in art programs. my pen’s buttons are set to ‘b’ for brushes -- so I can easily switch back to the brush I’m using -- and ‘i’ for the eyedropper tool -- so I can get specific colors from my illustrations. my tablets ones are set to paste, copy, deselect, undo, transform, and redo. there is also a remote with 17 extra buttons you can buy (which my dad got me for christmas in 2019, can you tell he’s the art supportive parent? i love him). I don’t use the remote often due to the fact that I haven’t configured all the buttons in a way I like but I’ve set a few of them to new layer, undo, redo, and increase and decrease brush size. there’s also the radial menu but I don’t use it.

- accessories. you can purchase a lot of cool things through Wacom’s website for your tablet! I’ve had to use this when I lost my charger but there are certainly more interesting things there than a charger.

- made for artists. this tablet -- unlike the iPad, other tablets, or certain touchscreen computers -- was made by a company specifically making tablets for artists.

cons:

- expensive. I saved up money for a tablet for quite a bit and my dad promised to match whatever I saved up in order to purchase whatever tablet I chose but in the end he surprised me for my bday with the tablet fully purchased. I believe he bought it secondhand or refurbished which is a bit cheaper, but I’m not entirely certain! either way, it comes up to about 2,000 USD depending on where and how you purchase it.

- sometimes the pen stops working :( what I mean by this is randomly the tablet will stop recognizing the pen so I have to use my finger in order to fix it. while most people restart the whole tablet I don’t recommend doing this. there’s a much easier way! just go to ‘Services’ and restart the ‘Wacom GSensor Service’ or the ‘Wacom Professional Service’ and it’s all fixed! it’s just annoying :(

- display/screen 2.0. this is probably my most hated thing about this tablet. though, it’s not something completely unique to this specific one. the colors on my tablet don’t match the colors on other computers or phones. they tend to be brighter, warmer, and more contrasted on my tablet so when I send an illustration to my phone the colors are completely different.

- weight. while the mobilestudio is certainly lighter than most it’s not light. I don’t really care that much about this as it’s not crazy heavy but when I was lugging it back and forth to school everyday the weight was noticeable.

my number one recommendation to do when researching tablet is to watch videos of artists comparing and review tablets they’ve used and to write a pro and con list of the ones you’re interested in. also for which videos you watch, I recommend actual artists, artists that you think make art similar to the kind you want to make or art that you admire, and to watch both sponsored and unsponsored videos.

as for what to research, keep these things in mind:

- what are you planning on using this tablet for? (professional commissions, complicated art, sketches, art but also for school/work , etc)?

- what specific things are you looking for? (pen pressure, light weight, durable, etc.) (for instance when I was researching, I wanted a tablet made specifically for art that didn’t need a computer to work, could run Clip Studio, had amazing pen pressure, and was relatively light weight and could be carried around.)

- where are you going to use this tablet? what size tablet would fit comfortably there?

- what art program are you wanting/going to use?

- how much storage do you need?

- how of a physical canvas are you used to working on and do you want to go bigger or smaller?

- are you going to be traveling with it often? if so are you going to use it while travelling?

- do you want to use it with or without a computer?

- what is your budget? how much are the specific things you’re looking for worth to you? what are you willing to compromise on?

I haven’t done any research into what is currently available so I can’t tell you what on the market I would choose today but I have heard great things about the iPad Pro. that would definitely be one of the top ones I would look into if I was searching for a tablet now that it has Clip Studio Paint.

there are probably a million things I could’ve added that I’ll remember hours from now so if you have any more questions or you want me to go into further detail about something, please let me know! I can also go through all the tablets and/or art programs I have used for digital art if that is something you are interested in :-)

#mailbox #anon #faq #art tablet #long post

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theunvanquishedzims · 3 years

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The Michigan Fleet authors posted their AUs so here are mine

theunvanquishedzims: I have SO MANY Boat Boy ideas but I'm sitting on them because I came up with a bunch halfway through the book and they got jossed by the end rollerskatinglizard: Hah! Uhhh, sorry? I think?? theunvanquishedzims: (i.e. Basil gets sad and weepy over Rich and Liam flirting at a party, Trimmer plays fairy godmother a la ripping half his shirt off, giving him a pep talk, and sending him back out there to Win Back His Man) rollerskatinglizard: *whooping* theunvanquishedzims: Jossed so hard rollerskatinglizard:Okay, that's DELIGHTFUL rollerskatinglizard: Trimmer is the most terrifying fairy godmother rollerskatinglizard: Anything else? :Dc theunvanquishedzims: Lemme get my notes rollerskatinglizard: *gleeful wiggling*

theunvanquishedzims: Okay so I stopped reading when the Sympatico grabbed Rich during the storm and it took me a month or so to get back and finish, so I was under the impression that the ship was still being fixed in drydock and not, y'know, actually being crewed and sailed. (Trimmer yelling "just let her sink" hits reeeeeaaaallly different when you know that) rollerskatinglizard: Ahaha oh dang theunvanquishedzims: So the big idea was the gangsters needing something from the Sympatico. Not the general thugs and delinquents crewing the Sympatico but the actual organized crime of the Fleet, who were getting pretty used to using ships like the Sympatico to run their dirty deeds through. Except it's basically impossible to get what they need out of it, even when they drag out one of the old IST guys. He finally tells them Rich was the one who did the heavy lifting for the past few years rollerskatinglizard: Ooooh! rollerskatinglizard: What an interesting idea! theunvanquishedzims: Hang on I need to restart rollerskatinglizard: Ah yes, computers theunvanquishedzims: Sorry, that turned into a dinner break and running errands During which I came up with a couple new AUs theunvanquishedzims: Okay, back to mafia: they track Rich down, probably snag him after he's been out boarding. Off work, not expected back on the ship, tired from all the exercise, etc. They're not overtly threatening, just pick up his skimmer and politely suggest that he comes help them, and he probably goes quietly because there's like, six of them. I'm thinking only one of whom was actually posted on the Sympatico theunvanquishedzims: So they get back to the Sympatico. She's been temporarily decommissioned until the Fleet can fix her broken processes, but that's also a cover story by the mob. They want to clear out all the smuggled goods and information, but she's basically a ghost ship, silent and empty, and even the other IST guy couldn't get more than a few blinking lights. She's sulking basically, she knows they're not there to fix her so she's digging in her heels and playing dead. Like a toddler going ragdoll when they don't want to go to bed. theunvanquishedzims: They explain to Rich that they can't get a response and want him to take a crack at it. "Has she said anything?" "Who?" "The Sympatico." "...we didn't talk to it." "Well that's half your problem right there." theunvanquishedzims: At this point you should watch Show Yourself from Frozen 2, and the crystal scene from Atlantis the Lost Empire. Stepping into the place you've been called, making your presence known, and having a greater power reach out for you. Shiny lights, chasing the spark of life to its source, and having the power consume and embody you. Rich is used to it but it's probably pretty freaky from the outside, and way less magical-looking than a Disney movie. Probably more like when Magneto activated the machine in the first X-Men movie. Step up, turn it on, and suddenly it's sucking the life out of you, making you a living battery theunvanquishedzims: In my head I am picturing the glowing blue eyes, lights cracking along the skin like lightning or circuit patterns, the implants glowing in his temples, standing at a terminal like a star trek deck, maybe a faint breeze-like movement of the hair and clothes to indicate the sheer power radiating off of him. In reality it's probably more like he falls down, gets up, stumbles along to a good spot out of the weather, and curls up in a secluded defensible spot to stare emptily at the wall for a few hours while lights randomly go on and off around the ship theunvanquishedzims: Just being trailed by six very wary mafia dudes who have probably never seen someone mind-meld a ship, and definitely not solo. He's like a zombie, and when he does talk it's very clear he's talking for the both of them theunvanquishedzims: If any of them are in sync with the ship they definitely feel the !!!Rich you're back!!! vibe theunvanquishedzims: No idea how that resolves, I guess it depends on how powerful the mafia is. If they're the kind of entrenched criminals who are ongoing characters, then they have Rich scrub out what they need then dump him back on his skimmer to face the fallout alone. He might report it to the spooks? Or at least try to tell Basil and Mitch theunvanquishedzims: If they're not recurring characters then they were definitely being tracked by the spooks, who move in once the Sympatico comes back online. Rich has to answer some very tough questions but he cooperates fully and winds up digging up a LOT of dirt out of the Sympatico, now that the mafia showed him where to look. It's another one of the super traumatizing moments that makes him look cool and heroic. Oh yeah, totally got kidnapped, single-handedly piloted a ship, and helped bust the mafia, please stop talking about it, I need a nap, and also someone to go with me next time I go boarding. theunvanquishedzims: (And then I finished reading the book and found out that the Sympatico had a new crew and was out on the water with her AI still fried and broken, how did no one notice that)

__________________________________________

theunvanquishedzims: Okay I don't have Trimmer's voice well enough to write this fic so I'm feeding it to you raw: Trucker AU theunvanquishedzims: Rich is a long-haul trucker, much to the disappointment of his elder sister Angela, who is in law enforcement and thought he had a decent future in it too. Athena is a pro wrestler and totally down to support her brother traveling the country (and hopefully being in the same city as him sometime, she wants him to see her kick ass!) Rich wants to pursue a degree in [tech or engineering] but college is expensive, and trucking is a good way to make money, on top of which you don't have to pay rent when you're on the road. So he's saving up for school, probably listening to a lot of audiobooks, podcasts, and training guides while chugging along. theunvanquishedzims: Not nearly as bad or sketchy as the Sympatico, but life on the road can get pretty sketch sometimes, especially when you're alone. Enter Trimmer. Or rather, enter Rich into the middle-of-nowhere trucker stopover bar where Trimmer is getting his ass kicked. theunvanquishedzims: (Gonna go ahead and say the bar is called the Sympatico, and this is a very bad night to be there, which is saying something because any night at the Sympatico is a bad night to be there.) theunvanquishedzims: Fortunately, Rich is not trapped there by the cold uncaring waters of Lake Michigan, he can just turn around and leave when he sees the nightly fight brewing. Unfortunately, he has a weakness for cute twinks, and no matter how much the guy is insulting their mothers four on one is really not fair, so he winds up wading in, scooping Trimmer up, and murder-stalking to the exit theunvanquishedzims: [At this point I pause to stare out the window and wonder wistfully what their canon meeting was like, who approached who, if Trimmer just straight-up used his lunch to hire a bodyguard or if Rich did the "are you gonna finish that" puppy-eyes and Trimmer realized how easily he could be bribed, etc etc] theunvanquishedzims: In the Trucker AU Trimmer waits until they're outside to go feral goblin on the arm that's holding him, Rich drops him, and negotiation commences theunvanquishedzims: I don't have Trimmer's backstory nailed down, the "teenage runaway" archetype doesn't really suit someone with a large loving family, but safe to say that whatever lead him to hitchhiking across the Midwest he is determined to see through out of sheer bullheaded stubbornness. The only thing worse than calling your parents to bail you out with bus money home is calling your grandma. It might have involved stabbing a college advisor when the guy got rapey, he's technically not on the run from the law, he DEFINITELY is not on track to getting his degree. Halfway between college dropout and missing person. If he was wealthy he'd be backpacking Europe for a semester, but he's not, so he's hitchhiking America. And getting molested by truckers, because Trimmer can't have nice things. theunvanquishedzims: He is really not interested in getting molested by Rich! But, as Rich points out, he did just save him from getting stabbed, Trimmer doesn't seem to have any exit options for this backwater town, and holy #&$^ the bar's on fire. (The Sympatico burns to the ground that night, to the betterment of the world at large.) rollerskatinglizard: You have no idea how much I'm enjoying this But you should totally post it Splick and Roach would both scream in glee theunvanquishedzims: Rich and Trimmer get out while the getting is good, and it's nearly dawn before they finally hash out details. Rich offers to drop him off at the next town, but they're still pretty close to the epicenter of the mass exodus so the next few hundred miles are probably not going to be safe for Trimmer. By this point Trimmer has found a bunch of the old textbooks Rich bought secondhand to study in his free time and come to the conclusion that [this nerd is a nerd] his story checks out. Just a college kid trying to scrape together the cash to get an education and make a decent living. Reminds Trimmer of Trimmer. (Reminds Trimmer of Joey.) rollerskatinglizard: ;u; <3 Beautiful theunvanquishedzims: So now Rich has a little traveling buddy! Helps him stay awake on the long hauls, lets him use the carpool lanes, even reads to him out of the textbooks sometimes, with commentary. Trimmer is really smart and surprisingly easy to get along with. They nap in the cab, eat in diners, and share motel rooms. Trimmer unclenches a little. Rich is good about not asking personal questions. They definitely watch Athena's fights on tv more than once, much to Rich's chagrin and Trimmer's loud encouragement. He started fanboying over it to annoy and embarrass Rich, but it is surprisingly cathartic to watch someone get trash-talked and respond by just BODYSLAMMING their opponent. ("Why are you rooting for her, you're the biggest trash-talker I know," Rich mutters into his beer, face bright red as Trimmer whoops and high-fives the waitress he got to change the channel in the sports bar.) theunvanquishedzims: ("She would wipe the floor with me," Trimmer responds with a smirk, watching smugly as Rich tries to figure out if Trimmer is having impure thoughts about his baby sister) theunvanquishedzims: (They have already established that Trimmer does not have impure thoughts about Rich, that Rich DOES have impure thoughts about Trimmer, but as long as he stays in his own motel bed that's fine.) (Trimmer still sleeps with a knife under his pillow but doesn't bother in the cab, where their co-naps occasionally verge on snuggling.) rollerskatinglizard: <3 <3 <3 *perfect* theunvanquishedzims: They finally reach their destination. It has been [days to drive a rig between NJ and CA] and they make it there slightly ahead of schedule. Rich drops off the delivery, Trimmer comes face-to-face with the reality of the trip ending. He'd been hitchhiking for months and felt like he was going nowhere, and now a few days and suddenly he's crossed the entire country, and almost kinda maybe had fun doing it! And California's as good a place as any to stay, at least he won't freeze to death if he doesn't find a place to crash for the night. theunvanquishedzims: Then Rich comes back and hands him a wad of cash, pocketing a stack of his own. "Got a cash bonus for finishing early! And since you're the reason I made it here this fast, I just figured part of it is your share..." he peters out, trying to explain his reasoning. They sit in silence for a while, both thinking about Trimmer in California, far away from anyone who would want to hurt him, with a few hundred dollars in his pocket. theunvanquishedzims: "...Let's get lunch," Trimmer finally decrees, and Rich can't keep the relieved smile off his face. They renegotiate some things over lunch, and then go to pick up the next load to haul cross-country. Together. rollerskatinglizard: AWWWWWW!!!! *YES,* I love it!!! theunvanquishedzims: And then eventually they go to college together, and get their degrees, and good jobs, and meet the families, and Trimmer absolutely drags Rich to as many of Athena's fights as they can manage on the road. It's just to save money, things are cheaper when you split the rent, Trimmer hollers on the phone. You put a ring on that boy's finger, y'hear?! Hellbender hollers back. I am so glad the word moirail exists rollerskatinglizard: YES God yes Also this AU pleases me greatly rollerskatinglizard: Blessings upon you for it theunvanquishedzims: ...technically the Michigan Fleet takes place in a post-Homestuck world, so theoretically it could have time to enter mainstream lexicon. It's better than "bromance" theunvanquishedzims: JUST THROWING THAT OUT THERE >.> rollerskatinglizard: Yeah, totally different feel than bromance!

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theunvanquishedzims: Speaking of Homestuck! Wanna hear the Helmsman AU? :3 rollerskatinglizard: YES PLEASE theunvanquishedzims: Okay gimme a minute to get my notes, it's not based on One of Our Submarines but I can't remember the fic title. Have you read the one where the kids redesign the helmsrig and use that to garner support for Feferi as Empress? Lots of political drama, Sollux-centric, [spoiler], and in the end they win *but at what cost* (((If someone knows what fic I'm talking about please link me, I can't find it.))) rollerskatinglizard: No, I haven't theunvanquishedzims: It's good, if you like the nitty-gritty of rebellions. The piece I'm cherry picking is the new Empress introducing a new way of helming that allows more freedom. Instead of a single enslaved lowblood being hung up in tentacle wires until they drop dead, it's something you can unplug from, allowing psionics to swap out, take shifts, etc. So Empress Clearwater (yay seadweller name) is dead, long live Empress Clearwater, and she shakes things up by introducing her new helmsrig and orders it implemented Fleet-wide theunvanquishedzims: I don't think this universe is as bad as canon but it's still pretty rough on the bad ships, and the Sympatico is a very bad ship theunvanquishedzims: Angie is still a security officer, probably fairly high-ranking as a greenblood. Athena is a pro wrestler. Sports are probably a bigger part of life in a Fleet that doesn't center around conquest. The three probably grew up in the same neighborhood, maybe dabbled in quadrants before settling on hatefriends. Oooh, or ash, Athena setting them up to talk out their issues over lunch and then heckle each other over their other quadrants could fit in that quadrant. theunvanquishedzims: Rich is, of course, a helmsman. It's rare for someone that close to jade to be so powerful, he was actually planning on a career in tech, but when he got called in for psionic testing he basically crushed it. Possibly literally. And olive is still technically a lowblood, so off to the helm with you. theunvanquishedzims: His first posting is the Sympatico, and it's a nightmare. The one bright spot (dark spot? How do trolls even. *insert rant about Kanaya being pastel goth not goth-goth*) theunvanquishedzims: The one bright spot is Trimmer, a technician whose survival method is to lock himself in the helm dock and stab anybody who tries to mess with Rich when he's piloting. It's basically how things work in the superstorms, but 75-90% of the time instead of a few times a year theunvanquishedzims: Rich can barely talk most days, they communicate via chat client, and even that requires a lot of brainpower so they can't do it when the Sympatico has to fight something or do difficult maneuvers in space, which is pretty frequently. But Rich keeps an eye out for Trimmer, directing him through the ship to help him avoid people and fights, and tweaking things like hall lights when things get hairy. I think at least once he turned off the gravity, it cost him but it got Trimmer out of a really bad situation and gave him an excuse to hole up in the helmsdeck for a few days until things cooled off theunvanquishedzims: But all that is in the past! There's a new Empress, a new crew, and a new way of helming! theunvanquishedzims: The Sympatico is one of the flagships to roll out the new helmsrig. The original crew was disbanded, culled, reassigned. Trimmer was allowed to stay (at Rich's request) to ease the transition. It's a big day, lots of media attention documenting the new helmsmen, and Rich is doing his best to keep calm. He had to do some physical therapy to stand upright and be able to walk from the big speech to his shiny new helmsrig, but as a fairly young recruit he's not nearly as bad off as some older helmsmen whose bodies have atrophied. He's still pretty skinny though, especially when compared to Angie and Athena, who he reunited with (for the cameras) #helmsmenaretrollstoo, #greenc3<green, #omgishipit, see things are much better now, people can reclaim their lives and quadrants, helming is something to be excited for not scared of, etc. Lots of propaganda, lots of attention, lots of pressure to get this right theunvanquishedzims: And then he walks into the helm and Trimmer is there. Rich would probably have had a meltdown if he hadn't been, but no one can tell because they're so calm and professional. They're both cleaned up and impeccably uniformed, the plugging in goes smoothly, and the Sympatico comes to life and lifts off into the sky into a sunset that would make a Hollywood director weep. The cameras turn off, great job everybody, and things return to normal. Except Rich and Trimmer have no idea how to handle normal. For the first 8 hours it's fine, it's good, it's a little weird that Trimmer looks so tidy and that Rich is sitting in a padded chair instead of being flesh-jacked by tentacles, but it's fine. They chat over text, a little stilted but plenty to catch up on theunvanquishedzims: Rich spies on the new crew and gossips about how boring they are and how weird the ship looks with everything cleared out and well-lit, and wow where did that section of storage come from? Oh right that used to be a hidden smuggling nook. Haha nook. See they're fine, they're laughing at the same old jokes. DEFINITELY weird that Rich is physically laughing. And then their relief shift comes on, with the new 2nd shift helmsman, and it's time for Rich to get unplugged for the day and go. Go to his room, which he has now, or to eat, which he can do now, or any one of a million things that normal trolls do, because he's a normal troll now. (This is turning out a little different from in my head but I like it.) He makes it about two hallways, walking silently side-by-side with Trimmer, before he breaks down. Or rather Trimmer breaks down. Or maybe they both simultaneously break, there is a lot of breaking happening, and it's not great that it's happening in the hall where anybody could walk by and where the new helmsman is almost certainly seeing them and possibly reporting them, and Trimmer's flight instincts are to run back to the helm where it's safe but Rich isn't there, RICH was the reason it was safe and he's not at the helm, he's right there in the hall. Rich, I know not how, picks up Trimmer and gets them to him room. It' close by, thank goodness, and it has a lock on the door, how weird, and Trimmer is there. He missed Trimmer so so much. rollerskatinglizard: ;u; <3<3<3<3 theunvanquishedzims: [The following scene contains content too graphic for wigglers under the age of seven sweeps] rollerskatinglizard: *laughing* Hardcore conciliation!!! theunvanquishedzims: From Trimmer's POV: Merrill requested him to remain a tech on the Sympatico. Makes sense, he was the only one who treated the guy like an actual troll and not a drooling mass of computational power. They got caught up, it's weird how clean and quiet the ship is, no fights to report beyond a spat in the cafeteria that turned out to be pitch flirtation. His shirtcuffs itch and he wants to roll them up but it's day one of the new empire and he doesn't want to get culled for being untidy on the Empress's pet project ship. There's so many other things to get culled for, anyway. And then shift is over. (Weird, he's used to working 16-hour days and sleeping in the helmdeck half the time.) And he has to unplug Merrill (double weird, he's not used to touching Merrill unless it's for a physical repair. Very aware of Rich as a physical person, especially when he's standing up and not obscured in a mass of tentacles.) And then they leave, together, which is WEIRD, because for sweeps Trimmer has been sneaking out of the helmdeck to go on a food run with Merrill texting him directions, and there's no Merrill on screen providing guidance to avoid fights, but there's not gonna BE any fights, and everything is the same but different and looks weird and shiny and there's a giant troll right next to him, stalking him, why didn't Merrill warn him?! rollerskatinglizard: Oh NO, ahaha, oh these poor doofuses theunvanquishedzims: From Rich's POV: he's been seeing these hallways for sweeps, but not from this angle, the ship is so familiar but so foreign to him, and he can't hear her, can't feel her, and he keeps reaching out for her even after all that training he did to get used to the new tech, there's still an absence and some part of his brain that says not being linked to the ship means something has gone catastrophically wrong and everyone onboard is going to die, TRIMMER is going to die, Trimmer is freaking out and hyperventilating next to him, Trimmer's running out of oxygen and the ship isn't responding to him to tell him what's wrong with the oxygen, and then Trimmer goes to bolt back to the helm but that's full of strange trolls and a new helmsman, and that knowledge is enough to shake him back to the situation at hand. He doesn't know where he finds the strength or the presence of mind, but he manages to grab up Trimmer and get them back to safety. It's just that safety is now his berth, not the helm. They're alone in his berth. And Trimmer is still freaking out. Sh-shoosh? Shoosh. Shooooooosh. theunvanquishedzims: Everything is diamonds and snow and beautiful shining crystals (in the movies that will someday be made about this day.) In the moment there's a lot more hyperventilating and snot. Basically, culmination behind the entire fic: do they actually have feelings for each other, or was it just about mutual survival the whole time? rollerskatinglizard: INCREDIBLY ADORABLE AND INTIMATE COMFORT, *YESSSS* Thank you yes, I'll have a dozen God that's splendid theunvanquishedzims: And they're both freaking out, Rich is hungry and physically tired and needs to do a lot of stretches, Trimmer is not used to Rich being huge and mobile and right next to him, and they both have crazy big trust issues, but...yeah, they're pale. They're so pale for each other, and it was so hard during the transition not seeing each other and not knowing how the other felt, not knowing how THEY felt, if they really had feelings or if it was all a bad situation. And now they know. They have feelings. And because they're trolls and not humans, they can flop on a pile and talk about those feelings in a non-platonic way, and Rich can pet Trimmer's hair and tell him how pretty he is and how Rich is glad that Trimmer got it properly cut instead of just hacking it too short for someone to grab, and how much he worried in the hall about not being able to see farther than his own field of vision to keep Trimmer out of harm's way, and how this whole thing is so weird and Rich is so scared but he's just really, really happy that Trimmer took the posting on the Sympatico, because he pities Trimmer and he wants him around and he was so glad that Trimmer wanted to still be around him too theunvanquishedzims: The media always depicts piling as either the traditional fairytale highblood freakout, or an extremely mellow ASMR-ish chillout with lots of hairpetting and horn polishing. Not two midbloods looting a mostly-empty room for enough junk to make a large enough pile to sit on, shrieking at each other about their feelings and how weird this is and why didn't you SAY something, me?! why didn't YOU say something?! Three SWEEPS we've been dancing around this! Well I didn't know if you felt the same way or if you just needed me to survive! Etc etc etc. Lots of getting up and stomping around , pacing the floor while ranting, trying to scavenge more stuff to throw on the pile. Rich owns basically nothing and it's the first time he's not judging Trimmer for keeping his room a garbage heap, even empty pizza boxes would be better than trying to make a pile out of two sweaters and a toothbrush. rollerskatinglizard: XDDD TuT aaaaah, YES theunvanquishedzims: Rich definitely rips off a wall panel and pulls out some wires, Trimmer doesn't even question it, they've lived and breathed this ship long enough to know what every wire does and which are nonessential to ship functioning. And with the wall panel crunched up they can pile stuff around it to make it seem less sparse, and wow it doesn't even matter that he pulled a panel down, this is HIS wall in HIS room now, he can "redecorate" as he sees fit, cue more yelling about how he doesn't know what to do with himself or his newfound freedom. The whole thing is just yelling and cussing and grabbing and shaking. It probably looks black from the outside, but they are swimming in palest cream. theunvanquishedzims: Eventually they give up on the pile. They go through Rich's entire perigee of snack rations to avoid having to go to the cafeteria, halfheartedly make fun of Rich's chewing, then crawl into the recuperacoon together. Thank goodness there was such a big push to show off how great helmsmen's lives will be, Rich scored a blueblood-huge 'coon and he's still skinny enough that they can both fit in it together. They sleep together, in sopor like proper trolls with proper lives as opposed to surrounded by pink tentacles and misery. Tomorrow they'll have to venture out for food, and do Rich's stretches and physical therapy, and head to their shift like the galaxy hasn't flipped upside-down, but they're handle that together. rollerskatinglizard: Oh help, my heart!! TuT It's SO CUTE, AAAAAAAH theunvanquishedzims: Okay my computer has been trying to shut down for the last three paragraphs so I think it's time to log off for the night, but I hope you enjoy the AUs, I will tell you more tomorrow rollerskatinglizard: Thank you so much!! Have a good night! theunvanquishedzims: (In the original version Rich and Trimmer came face-to-face for the first time since the Sympatico was busted up and Rich pulled out for rehab, and basically had a giant pale meltdown right there against the wall. There was purring, and crying, and confessions, all caught on film. Athena and Angie definitely saw. It had to be censored out of the broadcast. Someone uploaded it to Troll Pornhub and it won a Troll Pornhub Emmy for Truth in Journalism, which was not a category the Troll Pornhub Emmys had before, so congrats Merrill and Trimmer) rollerskatinglizard: *dying* oh my GOD Rich would blush so hard he'd keel over

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theunvanquishedzims: I woke up to the idea of Rich as Fezzik and Trimmer as Inigo Montoya (book version.) rollerskatinglizard: Hah! Oh man, delightful theunvanquishedzims: Soft-hearted giant and stabby little friend rollerskatinglizard: Yesss theunvanquishedzims: Only problem is Trimmer's grudge seems to be against the entire world, not any particular murderer theunvanquishedzims: But they could definitely take on the Zoo of Death together rollerskatinglizard: It could be both, in the AU! Specific grudge and also he hates everyone theunvanquishedzims: Instead of not being left-handed he pulls his feet out of his boots and surprise! More hands to stab you with Makes the acrobatics on top of the cliff more exciting rollerskatinglizard: *dying* YES Perfect! theunvanquishedzims: I don't know who the Man in Black of most beautiful woman in the world would be, but Rich catching them jumping out a window to whisk them away on horseback is lovely rollerskatinglizard: *strokes chin thoughtfully* If Rich is Fezzik, I think Basil might as well be the beautiful love interest, and Mitch is his farm boy turned dashing rogue theunvanquishedzims: Mitch and Trimmer sword fighting rollerskatinglizard: YES theunvanquishedzims: Mitch going through hell and back to save his lady love, then Rich shows up with the horses and says "hello pretty lady" and Basil is just swooning over him rollerskatinglizard: Mitch is pretty chill with Rich by then, he can handle sharing Rich didn't try *hard* to kill him, after all theunvanquishedzims: He even made it a fair fight instead of ambushing him He put down the rock and Mitch put down the sword and they tried to kill each other like civilized people rollerskatinglizard: *laughing* Yes, exactly theunvanquishedzims: Rich even helped bring him back from being mostly dead rollerskatinglizard: They're practically best buddies now! theunvanquishedzims: Which I imagine is 1000x funnier because Trimmer hates this guy and doesn't want to help him but he has info Trimmer needs rollerskatinglizard: Rich just being reprovingly like Come on, buddy, he's cool really I KNOW you bonded over your sword fight with him Don't lie Trimmer: HE'S STILL A DIPSHIT theunvanquishedzims: Trimmer: It was a little fun to take the boots off I guess, I don't get to do that often rollerskatinglizard: Hahaha yes theunvanquishedzims: Downside of being the best swordsman in the world, nobody can touch you. UNTIL NOW. Trimmer: I killed the guy but now I have nothing to live for. Mitch: Have you considered piracy? Stabbing people all day and all the rope ladders you can climb rollerskatinglizard: *dying* theunvanquishedzims: Now Trimmer's life goal is to reclaim his title of Best Swordsman, which means fighting Mitch a lot rollerskatinglizard: Which they both enjoy Sometimes Trimmer wins, sometimes Mitch does rollerskatinglizard: Roach points out that Liam would be Miracle Max theunvanquishedzims: I was just about to type that! rollerskatinglizard: Heee! Good brain wave theunvanquishedzims: You need a cure for death? Nope, sorry. You need to it humiliate my mortal enemy? Coming right up! rollerskatinglizard: YUP theunvanquishedzims: Slipping Rich the holocaust cloak "because it fits so nice" rollerskatinglizard: Pfff yes theunvanquishedzims: Which is said with a million more winky faces than the movie rollerskatinglizard: XDDD Naturally Liam is a much higher-libido mad scientist-substitute theunvanquishedzims: He doesn't have a wife he has like six boyfriend minions hanging around in various states of undress. He got fired for banging the king when he was the royal miracle man, he did a good job but the prince found it icky. rollerskatinglizard: *dying* YES theunvanquishedzims: Basil as Buttercup tho. Basil: Mitch is a good friend. :) Just a great buddy. :)) Kind of smelly but a nice boy. :))) Someone: *might possibly find Mitch attractive* Basil: What? Why. No. Why would she. I mean yeah he's smart and muscular and tan and broad-shouldered and has perfect teeth and his sweat glistens in the sun as he does his chores shirtless, but c'mon, he's not THAT much hotter than her middle-aged husband. No way. rollerskatinglizard: *snickering* rollerskatinglizard: My cowriters very enjoy this AU concept, btw, thank you theunvanquishedzims: Excellent theunvanquishedzims: Trimmer: I told him I was there to kill him and he just...ran away? Mitch: Who does that? rollerskatinglizard: *snickering* theunvanquishedzims: Basil being a slobby peasant until two minutes after Mitch leaves, then realizing he has to take care of himself if he wants to keep Mitch's attention, and only then starting to regularly bathe and brush his hair and work on his figure. rollerskatinglizard: Snirk! Sounds about right, doofus nerd that he is theunvanquishedzims: Then he becomes a princess and has two servants per limb to keep him clean and shining, so when Mitch sneaks into the wedding announcement crowd his first view of Basil is 1. clean 2. shiny hair 3. dressed like a queen

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General book chit-chat, no specific AU

theunvanquishedzims: I saw the post about the Sympatico crew having a very different view of Rich than his friends and now I am consumed with the idea of Rich being seen as scary by anyone who knows him for more than a single minute. Like, he flinches at the sight of a uniform, he can't stand to be in a room with more than one other person in it, and he's so busy working he doesn't really have time to go around carving out a territory rollerskatinglizard: Right? You'd think it'd be tricky, but apparently no theunvanquishedzims: And now there's video of him covered in kittens, and doing cool board tricks, and pretending a little barbel is too heavy to lift, and also he might be in the news for taking down a murderous conspiracy at the Mall. rollerskatinglizard: *laughing* Indeed theunvanquishedzims: Where did big scary monster Merrill go, who is this marshmallow rollerskatinglizard: What scam is he trying to run?!? theunvanquishedzims: Oooh, I pity the fool who is assigned to a boat with Officer Merrill. Double flinch response rollerskatinglizard: RIGHT? *OH SHIT, THERE'S ANOTHER ONE* And she's ARMED theunvanquishedzims: Try to blow off some steam by watching some wrestling, A THIRD ONE rollerskatinglizard: Some poor dumbass who sneered at Trimmer once ends up hiding out on a penny boat bc there's MERRILLS EVERYWHERE, IT'S NOT SAFE OUT THERE theunvanquishedzims: *dying laughing* I imagine a non-terrible Sympatico crew member meeting reformed Rich is like those Very Special Episodes where the hero's high school bully or childhood bad influence friend comes to town, and they're so nice and friendly and apologetic about what happened back in the day rollerskatinglizard: We actually have an encounter something like that planned! theunvanquishedzims: The hero's friends are all charmed and the hero can't convince anyone that it's all an act, he's secretly still terrible, look I'll prove it *does something that makes the hero look bad and the reformed guy look like a victim* Yaaaaaaaaay!!! Outside perspective is the BEST rollerskatinglizard: Rich and this random dude, both acting like the other one is a total menace Meanwhile, anyone who's known either of them since is like ....No?? He's a fine guy, perfectly reasonable Merrill, stop growling theunvanquishedzims: Two Spider-Men pointing at each other rollerskatinglizard: Hah! Yes theunvanquishedzims: Also the fact that Rich has gotten BIGGER since leaving the Sympatico is probably a shock rollerskatinglizard: OH yeah theunvanquishedzims: Richard "Cranky Because He's Slowly Starving To Death" Merrill rollerskatinglizard: I mean, it's a shock to Rich When he hits another growth spurt So it's definitely a shock to anyone else theunvanquishedzims: Oh yeah, he was like 17 when he was first assigned there, nowhere near done growing yet Richard "My Shirts Rip When I Flex Wrong" Merrill rollerskatinglizard: *snickering* He'd look so sheepish and disgruntled if someone gave him that "I flexed and the sleeves fell off" shirt theunvanquishedzims: I am so glad Trimmer got to him before, like, a gang could figure out he's easily bribed with food. Things could have gone so much worse, corruption-wise rollerskatinglizard: YUP theunvanquishedzims: I just finished Athena and the Midnight Chicken and WOW Rich was actually kind of close to giving in to peer pressure there, if Athena hadn't thrown herself towards the proverbial sword he might have let himself be talked into something he really didn't want to do. rollerskatinglizard: It's possible! Baby Rich is very weak to peer pressure theunvanquishedzims: If they had been smart and manipulative and laid the groundwork first it would have been even easier, not just "here's a knife let your ingrained killing instincts do the work" rollerskatinglizard: Yeah! It could've gone much worse theunvanquishedzims: In the wrong hands Rich would make a very good, very sad soldier But like, deep down inside sad where no one could see it. rollerskatinglizard: That was actually close to his original story when I came up with him

[I’ll check with Skates to see if it’s okay to post that bit]

theunvanquishedzims: I'm already nervous about those two Horrible Old Men rollerskatinglizard: Which two? theunvanquishedzims: My face went D: at the idea that there's more than two rollerskatinglizard: *pats u gently* theunvanquishedzims: The werewolf guy with the boys on leashes is the one that makes my instincts scream KILL IT WITH FIRE, but there's also the one with the scar on his face? I wanna say Arthur Carroway rollerskatinglizard: >u> Gosh, Zims, idk WHY you'd be worried about him Just bc my tablet keyboard knows how to spell Carraway That's no reason to be concerned! rollerskatinglizard: Maybe Splick made him the [tarot] Devil bc he's devilishly handsome! Did you think of that?? theunvanquishedzims: I am terrified of him showing up, I know I'll be cringing too hard to keep reading right away. Men who abuse positions of power are so squicky, I couldn't even stand to watch the Office and Michael Scott is like, the most benign example of the trope But yeah a guy like that getting to Rich as a younger more mallable person, fresh-faced and eager to please. Ugh. Such a bad ending. rollerskatinglizard: YUP theunvanquishedzims: William Sandgren is the other one, I think rollerskatinglizard: Fortunately Rich did get rescued originally! I don't do sad endings theunvanquishedzims: He looks cool, I don't immediately want him dead for my own safety rollerskatinglizard: <u< theunvanquishedzims: ...I will ignore that face and continue to think of him as the lesser of two evils for now rollerskatinglizard: Absolutely feel free! ^u^ theunvanquishedzims: When I thought about this earlier I imagined Liam actually being the one to start a pissing contest with Arthur. Rich guy vs criminal guy, my grandmother bedazzled the skulls of her enemies, your teeth would make a lovely necklace, etc etc "Well I'd love to get them around your throat" ;) rollerskatinglizard: You know Liam QUITE well theunvanquishedzims: I'm a visual learner, so all the illustrations are helping me flesh out characteristics. Liam smiling like a psycho while his face drips blood is very telling. rollerskatinglizard: Hah!!! Right? God, he's SUCH a little firebrand theunvanquishedzims: (Also, AU where Liam is the babydoll heir and Rich is the soldier mod bodyguard he climbs like a tree) rollerskatinglizard: We have definitely discussed that AU thoughtfully >u> It's good, v tasty theunvanquishedzims: Rich is all THIS GOES AGAINST THE RULES and Liam is all oh you like being told what to do hmm? >:3~ rollerskatinglizard: Rich: God this is SUCH a bad idea, I'm gonna get so fired Liam: Not if you're good enough at it! theunvanquishedzims: I imagine without a pregnancy they'd be able to keep it under wraps slightly longer than grandma Beaker rollerskatinglizard: True! theunvanquishedzims: "Under wraps" like everyone in the house can't hear them rollerskatinglizard: Pffff YUP theunvanquishedzims: Ugh now I'm remembering Trimmer being scared of Rich getting drunk and pushy and I'm sad again rollerskatinglizard: No one likes Rich's drinking except Rich rollerskatinglizard: It's okay tho, Trimmer trusts Rich more after that theunvanquishedzims:I think he'll figure it out given enough time. Rich: Well everyone drinks because work sucks. Basil and Mitch: Nope! Rich: Well I'm a soldier mod so it just LOOKS like I'm drinking a lot. Angie and Thena: Nope! Rich: Well I have trauma from the Sympatico so I need alcohol to deal with that. Trimmer: Nope! Rich: ...well I guess I have a problem then. :< Everyone: Yep! rollerskatinglizard: Indeed theunvanquishedzims: I am so curious about their origins, how the relationship developed, how apparently they had half a handjob between them and went NOPE NEVER AGAIN, how they wound up co-sleeping, if they ever cried on one another, etc etc rollerskatinglizard: I'm 100% certain that Rich cried on Trimmer at least once, while Trimmer awkwardly patted his hair and gently called him a wuss or something If Trimmer ever cried it would've been in the middle of the night, and none of them would ever mention it in the light of day theunvanquishedzims: Was that Trimmer's first posting? I know it was Rich's, so he kiiiind of didn't know any better, but Trimmer is older by a bit rollerskatinglizard: It definitely wasn't Trimmer's first, no, the latest in a long string of postings that went from okay to bad to worse theunvanquishedzims: Oh nooooooo No wonder he finally said screw it and got a solo boat rollerskatinglizard: Yep

#michigan fleet #boat boys #AUs are still my favorite thing #long post #richard merrill #joseph trimmer

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lupizora · 4 years

Text

Phantom Scars

Of all the fics I wanted to post as my first in this fandom, this little character study was an unexpected last-minute addition. Tbh it's more of a headcanon I developed while watching the series because I still can't get over how often Touma loses his arm and it just grows back, no problem! Also, after finishing it the other day, NT Volume 22R owns my entire heart. So, the aftermath we didn't get to see managed to sneak in there at the end haha.

Genre: Angst

Pairing: None

Rating: T

Word Count: 1116

Summary: People tend to forget that because you can't see the physical evidence of a wound, it doesn't mean there isn't any emotional scarring left behind.

Misfortune.

Bad luck.

Curse.

Kamijou Touma had called many things the ability receding in his right arm during the half-year worth of memories he had. Sometimes he wondered if the person he had been before losing his memories had used different words or had different emotions. His heart refused those thoughts when all sorts of calamities occurred to him every other day.

Not everything related to Imagine Breaker was unlucky. It had also assisted him in saving a lot of people from their personal tragedies, even the entire world once or twice too. He couldn’t renounce or deny it for existing. It remained a part of him, literally and figuratively, whether he wanted it or not.

But there was one thing Touma wished to be different—the fact his right fist didn’t leave any proof behind. Neither of his feats in the battlefield’s aftermath, neither any marks on his body. He had been hurt in his many misadventures or assignments; broken bones, bleeding guts, even losing his entire arm a bunch of times. Thanks to Academy City’s superior doctors, there were no consequences or evidence left behind to prove it all. The only saving grace he had been allowed in this life.

And yet, late at night, when the freeloaders in his dorm were sound asleep, he’d look in the mirror and wonder: Was any of it real?

In less than half a year, Touma had faced against desperate Magicians and power-hungry Espers alike. He had been present when worldwide organizations clashed to the point of wars. He had seen the world disappear in a flash of light and return in a clap of thunder. But he carried no scars to speak off these events. As if they were nothing more than elaborative daydreams, figments of a teenager’s overactive imagination. Recognition wasn’t the goal or the end destination. It would probably bring even more trouble than his ten minutes of glory would accomplish.

He just wanted his sanity to latch onto something tangible. Having nothing to prove his claims, how was he certain it ever happened?

Memories could be finicky things. Touma knew that more than anyone, being a certified amnesiac and all. So, unless he stuck his head into an MRI scanner, none would ever notice the damaged neurons crisscrossing like fried computer circuits over the soft tissue that mapped his brain. Touma had made sure the people closest to him wouldn’t. After all, he wasn’t some kind of kintsugi pottery for others to put on display. Just an ordinary high school boy—one everyone could find anywhere in Japan—with an unusual right hand.

Touma opened his eyes to several people standing in a circle around him. Friends, acquaintances, former adversaries turned allies; all were sharing similarly concerned expressions. It didn’t stop them from resting their hands in their preferred weapons. As if they were still wary of an attack. No one could blame them; he certainly didn’t. Every person in this room had survived a war, only to get roped into another—so soon and so suddenly—that most were still unaware why it transpired in the first place. They all looked worse for wear, even those that had been on the offensive.

The destruction he and the other had caused in the ballroom flashed before Touma’s eyes. Taking into account only the fights he’d been part of in this skirmish, the damage to the surrounding area was leagues away from his meager budget.

I really hope they don’t make me pay for all this. But then again, my misfortune is— He stopped. His right hand returning to him meant it would restart canceling his good fortune. Instead of dread settling on him like a wet blanket, Touma was joyful. Yeah, my luck is so bad, it might as well happen.

Everyone continued to stare; the tension so thick, someone could cut it with a butter knife.

“What’s with this gloomy atmosphere?” Touma asked with an awkward smile. “If my heart wasn’t beating so loudly, I’d think this is my funeral.”

No one laughed at this poor attempt of a joke. But several shoulders relaxed, and some breathed out a sigh of relief.

“So, it’s safe to assume you’re back to normal?”

“Yup.” Touma clenched his fist. “Everything is here, human skin and all.”

“Wait! These wounds!” Index forced his fingers open again. Cracks painted thunder shapes from the base of his fingernails to his wrist. They didn’t hurt, so he hadn’t paid them much attention. But the silver-haired girl, gripping at his arm like a lifeline, had tears in her emerald eyes. “We can’t heal them now. They are going to scar!”

Maybe the blood loss was responsible, but Touma’s heart felt lighter. If only for a moment, another wish he may have willed into existence had come true. Unlike the one he had just laid to rest; this wasn’t a weight that would bother anyone.

Still, something compelled him to reassure the sobbing girl in front of him. “Don’t be silly, Index. It’s gonna be alright,” Touma said. “This is nothing a couple of bandages can’t fix. And it just so happens I know someone—”

Another girl, the one whose appearance he could never recall, entered his thoughts like a bullet train. Touma turned his head. Those near the ballroom’s busted entrance noticed his expression and stepped aside to clear the view. No one had collapsed in a pool of their own blood there.

“She is safe. The Royal Nurses accompanied her to the hospital.”

“That’s—” His knees buckled— “great.”

Letting go of Index’s hand, Touma collapsed to the floor under their collective cries. Everyone took a step forward, but there was no need to worry. Somehow, he had managed to land in the least damaged area with no glass or wood shards around. It seemed like Lady Luck was smiling his way for a little longer.

Touma waved wobbly to reassure them. “It’s fine,” he said. “I just need to lie down for a moment.”

“But! You should see the doctor too,” Index whimpered. “We need to get you to a normal bed.”

“I don’t want to.” Stretching against the carpet, Touma settled into a comfier position that didn’t pull at his wounds. “That’s too much trouble for Mr. Kamijou right now.”

“Really…” Index’s puffy fairytale dress rustled as she kneeled next to him. “You’re are so immature sometimes.”

“Pot,” he mumbled. “Kettle.”

Index didn’t try to bite off his head. Maybe she didn’t pick on the taunt. Maybe it was pity or even mercy. Whatever it was, Touma didn’t care as he drifted into a well-deserved rest. Such a peaceful moment had been a long time coming, after all.

#to aru majutsu no index #kamijou touma #index librorum prohibitorum #to aru series #a certain multiversal raildex #new testament spoilers #a certain magical index #raildex #fanfiction #fanfic #one shot #character study #wolfswriting

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helpinghanikan · 5 years

Text

Stay outside the Line

X-men x Reader

Sum: Just because a mutation is a gift, doesn’t mean it’s not a curse.

an: the mutation is anyone within certain distance of the reader will start to die. Could not think of an eloquent way to say that.

Charles Xavier:

Sitting just within the shadow of one of the massive trees you lean back into the sun. The breeze is comfortable, and the grass is soft. If it weren’t for you company it’d be too easy to lean back and nap right there and then.

Although you’d never know the touch of his hand you were still connected to your man. A long stretch of twine, twenty-one feet exactly, is tied around your wrist. The other end was connected to Charles. Tied in the same fashion around your wrist but holding the string between his fingers. Without even meaning to he was caressing it; thumb rubbing up and down the length while the other hand held his book.

Closest you would get as physical contact from Charles was mirroring his movements. Running your own thumb over your other hand, not looking down lest your break the illusion.

---------------------

Erik Lehnsherr:

At first he was just another face staring at you behind bullet proof glass. Both he and the other guy were talking to your host, mouths moving but nothing coming through on your end. Had it been a year or even a few months early you would have sat on your bed with knees to the chest. Wait for them to leave before being comfortable again.

Now you just keep reading, barely glancing without interest to the glass.

“What have you done to be locked in here?” The tall man’s voice could be mistaken for God’s by how it comes down from above. The speakers placed so you’d never be able to pretend like you didn’t hear anything.

‘Accidentally killed a bus load of people.’ Was the answer but you wouldn’t say it.

“It’s safer for everyone. They’ll make sure I won’t hurt anyone while I’m in here.” You say instead, nodding to your host.

“Did they tell you that after they locked the door?” He asks.

Supposedly you weren’t in a prison. The incident on the bus was labeled a ‘possible gas leak of unknown substances’. You being the only survivor was sent to this facility to help with the trauma, and to find out how the same incident happened in the hospital.

You had yet to stare at him right on. His gentle knocking “You don’t belong here, you will never belong here. We can help you, We’ll make sure you’re safe.”

There was nothing else to do with your life but to agree. You wouldn’t be able to leave on your own. But the moment you’re out, how could they ever get you back in?

---------------------

Raven/ Mystique:

Over time you’ve learned how to push the poison deeper inside of you. Spending most days imaging it as a physical type of sand that covered you head to toe. Pressing and forcing that down into your shoes. Walking on it and keeping from spreading any further then a foot from your own body.

Even with that amount of work there was still times that it slipped. When Pressure in your head and behind your eyes starts to push out, and a migraine seems preferable, you have to make a quick exit.

Most people understand and don’t look twice when you run from the room. Others will give each other looks but only verbally ask what’s up in a whisper later on in the night. Then there was the few that understood but still followed. How do you tell the woman that you love to fuck off for a night? Probably in much nicer words, but for now you make an exit from the mansion, Raven keeping her distance but following anyway.

“Get to the trees, little faster!” She almost yells the encouragement.

“Please, Raven, Please stay back!” You yelled, both hands holding your head.

It’d be romantic to think that you made it thanks to Raven’s encouragement. Whatever length of your nails, they dug into your scalp. The pressure was the definition of insanity at this point, stepping into the tree line and screaming without a sound.

Thank whoever was up there that Raven knew better then to comfort you. Staying far enough away that the released poison never touched her. The poison obeyed it’s own laws and stayed within the twenty feet. In the dark of the night green grass turns brown and trees creak instead of scream as they die. Only one of said trees was small enough to be completely overtaken by it.

You’re still drawing blood from your own head when that tree falls.

---------------------

Peter Maximoff:

The best way to describe Peter is like a kitten who just learned it could climb things. Try as you might to explain that it’s not a good idea to climb the drapes it will never listen. It will keep trying to climb no matter how many times you pull it away and tell it “no”.

It’s not until there’s crashing in the middle of the night and few meows of pain that the little idiot will learn. This it the same situation you were in with Peter. No matter how many times you tell him to not get too close he always breaks the rule. Thinking that he is faster then the poison to run close enough to give a peck or a little slap on the backside before making it into the safe zone.

Little kisses and touches were always nice, but it was playing with fire. Eventually he got too cocky, assuming he was faster than poison that tries too hard to protect you. He started to slow down to make the kisses longer and touches more frequent. When that didn’t come with real repercussions, he started going even slower. When his hand lingers too long on your back the repercussions hits him full force.

It was hard enough to see the symptoms when you were younger. But as an adult, watching your man clutch his throat and fall to his knees was so much worse. With his head bowed you wouldn’t see the blood until he’d completely fall on his side, something that no one wanted to happen. Without thinking to you reached down to him, both hands open trying to do anything you can.

You name is yelled from across the lawn. An overly harsh shout from your mentor who had never honestly yelled at you before. “Back away!”

Charles could see the fear and shock in your eyes. But he also had the rest of his students to think about. ‘You have to go, now.’ The whisper in your mind is a world away from the panicked shouts, but it might have been better if he had just yelled at you.

---------------------

Hank McCoy:

You had to be used to secluded rooms by now; at least this one was less like a cell and more like a square fish bowl. The stool in the center and the little slot on the side were the only things giving off prison vibes.

For most of the afternoon Hank has been focused on either his desk or a microscope or a computer. Every time he moves from one to another you look from your book, wait a few seconds to see whether he was looking at you, then return to the paragraph that you now had to restart.

There was no one to blame but yourself for this problem. Hank had told you it was going to be boring, when he would have results he’d get you himself. Instead you went with him. “Not like I’m doing anything anyway,” You had said, telling him to wait a few minutes to step into your little security fish box.

“It’s good enough for a trial run.” He says, probably to himself.

The liquid he holds up is the same shade of blue as his fur. Over the past few weeks it has changed from several different colors. At one point it looked like blood, like the same color as the blood you had given him. The he had held within a smaller containment field. Even the smallest part of you gave off at least a little poison.

“That’ll fix it? Or least tone it down?” You ask.

“Supposedly, I used my original idea and added some new things. Last time it didn’t go as well.” He says, slightly looking down at himself. He had meant it to come off as a joke, instead he says it with some sadness underlining it.

“Well with new stuff it must have improved, hand it over.” You move next to the little slot by the door.

“Considering last time, I’m gonna test it on something else, first. Make sure it doesn’t do the same thing again.” Hank says.

“What else are you going to test it on?”

“Not you,” He says shutting it in the desk. “If I make you any worse that box probably won’t hold it.”

It’s hard to pout and leave the room when you can’t leave the room. Instead just crossing your arms and pouting.

---------------------

Jean Gray:

Over a mile separates you and your woman. Hours spent in your little cabin in the corner of the estate, mostly sleeping, mostly hiding. This time it was pretending to sleep. Acting like the monstrous thunder and lightning outside wasn’t a window away from being in your room.

The rest of the students were in the school itself. Having their thicker walls and each other to protect against the storm. The professor had offered you to stay inside the mansion during storms like this. But that safety would be in the basement, two floors below another living thing. Without any windows and set up with a less comfortable bed and none of your decorations. At least in the cabin you’d die around your things and the outside if the storm got in.

‘Hey’ Jean always had a way to find you. Mostly in your mind. ‘How are you doing?’

“If I die do you think my mutation will leave with me?” You ask the darkness.

‘Don’t say that. It’s just a storm, nothing we don’t live with.’ Her soft laugh travels with her words. It warms the cabin and keeps away the lightening for the briefest of moments. ‘Do you want to come inside?”

“No, I’m all snuggled up. I don’t think I’d make it to the mansion anyway.”

Although the darkness gives nothing there’s a soft weight on your shoulder. A matching feel covering the extension of your back. Knees without a body pressed into the back of yours, arms and no being lay over your body. Their fingers in your hair. You were alone, but Jean make sure to be with you.

---------------------

Logan/ Wolverine:

Being around Logan was like being in another world. One where you were born without the poison smell and didn’t have to struggle to remember what another person felt like. First time you felt his hand on your shoulder it was like being slapped.

“It’s like swallowing pennies. I can taste it, but nothing is coming out.” Logan had described it to you. His healing faster than the damage your poison could give.

On the off chance that Logan is injured in your company, it’s very likely the poison would take advantage of that moment. But that didn’t stop you either of you. It was a possibility that was best not thought about.

Instead you stay your course. Turning the school girl crush into a relationship through raw stubbornness and the ability to get drunk on someone into a two party affair.

---------------------

Kurt Wagner:

You were two people with the same want of seclusion but for different reasons. Just happening to catch a glance of each other when having the same idea of a hiding spot.

Back then you were still new to the estate, being allowed to read and work away from others. Catching a glance of anyone and your scrambling to gather your books, coming off as more then just rude when you yell at them to stay back.

Kurt was the one you didn’t have time to yell at to get away. A flash of blue, books in your arms, and he’s gone. Only a few times did he stay long enough for you to catch a better look at him. A face, blue skin and a tail that hung down from the branch he had been sitting on. That time he was far enough away to not be in danger, had you waved at him he would be. But only if he misread and took it as an invitation to come closer.

It took weeks but you finally had the courage to wave. Just a small one that he returned. A small relationship made through small gestures.

#X-men #charles xavier x reader #erik lehnsherr x reader #raven x reader #kurt wagner x reader #jean gray x reader #logan x reader #wolverine x reader #mystique x reader #peter maximof x reader #mutant reader #dangerous mutation #x-men imagine

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fanficimagery · 5 years

Text

Mimic.

Relationship: Peter/Reader Words: 5, 287 Warnings: none. just a cuss word or two. Tags: Fluff and humor.

Imagine working alongside the Avengers and finding out your schoolmate is SpiderMan. The friendship quickly blossoms and you even wrangle Peter and Ned into matching costumes for Halloween.

Sitting in your last class of the day, you work easily as you piece together a video for an upcoming project Mr. Berman had assigned the class. He had preferred that his students piece together clips of their personal lives, but you weren't keen to let any of your fellow peers get that close of a look at your private life. So after a brief, yet tense, conversation with the teacher after class one day, he agreed to let you piece together whatever video you could come up with.

Immediately you knew what you wanted to do, downloading certain clips of your favorite movies and TV shows, and setting them to a song that you knew would hit people in the feels. The teacher had been skeptical at first, but when you showed him what you had so far one day, he was surprised to see the emotional aspect that even left his chest aching and wanting to see more.

It's while you're working on the video that your phone vibrates against your thigh, you glancing around to see where the teacher is at before pulling your phone out. And seeing that he's engrossed in his own computer at the front of the class, you slip your phone out to check the text.

From Nat to Y/N: Meet me out front 15 min after the final bell. To Nat from Y/N: Copy that.

Wondering why Nat is picking you up, your mind starts going off in different directions. So knowing you're not going to get any more work done, you download your project to your portable USB drive to work on over the weekend at home or wherever it is Nat and the others decide to take you.

The final bell soon rings to signify the end of the school day and you take your precious time getting to your locker. You refuse to make eye contact with anyone other than your locker neighbor, Ned smiling at you and nodding in greeting.

"Hi, Ned."

"Hey, Y/N. Excited for the weekend?"

You shrug as you put in your combination. "Eh. I'll probably watch Disney films and order in Chinese food."

He smiles. "That sounds like a good time."

"The best." Ned's friend walks up to him and you subtly straighten, friendly smile in place. "Hey, Parker."

"Y/N," Peter grins. "Excited for the weekend?" You and Ned both laugh as Peter frowns. "What'd I miss?"

"Nothing, man. Anyways, lets go. I got that new Lego set we need to start putting together."

Peter's eyes widen as he glances between Ned and you. "W-What? Lego set? Pfft."

You chuckle as you put your backpack inside your locker and make sure your USB drive is safely in your front jean's pocket. "Calm down, Petey. I'm not Flash. I won't think you're a loser if you and your best friend still play with Legos."

Peter looks as if he's going to say something, but his phone pinging stalls him. He reads something on the screen, his smile falling, and Ned sighs. "Postponed until tomorrow?"

Peter smiles sheepishly. "Sorry, Ned."

"No, it's cool." He then turns to you. "Well I guess I'll see you Monday, Y/N."

"Mhm. Laters, Leeds."

Peter scampers off just as you shut your locker, you smiling one last time at Ned as you make your way towards the bathroom. You waste what's left of your time in the bathroom, fixing yourself to look like school hadn't mussed you up. And then when your phone pings yet again with a message from Nat to tell you she's waiting out front, you exit the bathroom.

There are still a handful of students lingering outside and they're all staring at the shiny black car parked by the curb. The windows are tinted too dark to see through, but the car screams money so everyone is interested to see who gets in or out of it.

Groaning quietly, you duck your head and quickly climb inside the car. Then exhaling dramatically once hidden behind the dark tint, you look over to the grinning blonde. "I hate you."

"No you don't."

"Whatever. What's up?"

"Mission came up. James suggested you."

You sigh. "Fine." You settle back into your seat, frowning when Natasha drives in the opposite direction of the Tower. "Umm, where are we going?"

Switching lanes and then picking up speed, the blonde grins. "Airport. We need a private jet, not a quinjet. We need to be as inconspicuous as possible."

"Ahh. Okay."

The ride isn't terribly long and by the time they pull into the airport, you and Nat are giggling about the boy you currently have a crush on.

"I don't see why you don't just make a move," she says, handing off her keys to some individual who's going to park her car. "You're cute and this kid sounds adorable. Go for it!"

"It's not- I can't," you grin, chuckling softly. "I might hang out with superheroes, but I am not confident whatsoever when it comes to boys my age."

"Mhm. Sure."

You nudge her as you walk towards the jet, Nat walking up the stairs before you. Then plopping down on the seat closest to the door, you ask, "Can someone please explain to me, in small words, why I'm being assigned to this mission?"

"...Y/N?"

Your heads whips in the direction of the all too familiar voice, eyes widening. "Petey?!"

"Petey?"

"Shut up, Tony," you're quick to grumble, cheeks tinting red as you nervously cross your arms over your chest. The dawning, smug realization on Tony's face is enough to make you gulp. Then looking back at a completely flabbergasted Peter, you ask, "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

You and Peter continue to stare at one another, Tony, Natasha, Steve, and Bucky glancing between the two of you with amused expressions.

"Are they blushing?" Bucky quietly muses.

Natasha grins. "Totally blushing."

"Quiet, Natalia," you snap, narrowing your eyes at the blonde.

"As hilarious as I'm suddenly finding you two, lets get down to business," Tony says. "Peter is Spiderman and Y/N is Mimic."

"What?!"

"Mimic?"

You glance at Peter's confused expression, briefly concentrating and willing your appearance to shift right before his eyes. Feeling the rippling complete, you grin at your friend. "Mimic." Your voice is now deeper, yet still very much feminine as you take on the appearance of Natasha.

Peter's eyes are wide. "O-oh."

"Yeah." Exhaling softly, you change back to your normal appearance and glance at the other adults on the jet. "So what's up? Who's gonna debrief me?"

"It's fairly easy," Steve says. "We need a fresh face, someone our enemies have no knowledge of, to blend in. We've landed you an invitation to a party, so we need you to slip into the main office and download some programming onto the computer in there."

"Okay. Is there a possibility of combat?"

Bucky shrugs. "Only if you get caught, but you've got this, kid. You've trained with the best in both hand-to-hand combat and weapons."

"Yeah. I know." You plop down on one of the benches along the wall of the jet. "What else should I know?" You can't help but glance at Peter, smiling softly when you realize he's still staring at you. He hesitantly smiles back.

"Just in case things go sideways, Natasha, Peter, Bucky, and I will be on standby," Steve says.

Glancing at Tony then, he winks. "I'm just going along for the ride since it is one of my jets they're using. I'm too recognizable to be out there with you all. That and because it was my idea to bring in the other kid."

"Okay, well what about Nat, Steve, and Bucky? They're all recognizable too."

"We'll have photostatic veils." Natasha shrugs. "But us with the veils can't be seen acting suspiciously. You and Peter are the only ones with fresh faces."

"Whoa, wait, what? I can't show my face!"

"Sure you can," Tony says. "Don't worry about it. It'll be fine."

Peter looks like he wants to argue some more, but you speak up and cut him off. "Where's my folder? I need to read what's expected me while we fly."

"Sure." Steve walks over and hands you one of the files detailing the mission. "Don't read too fast. We're flying overseas. You have a long night ahead of you."

"Awesome," you deadpan.

- X - X - X - X - X -

Having read over the file front to back and speaking to Steve about what you're to do in case things go sideways, you end up towards the back of the jet with one of Tony's spare laptops sitting on the table in front of you as you work on your class video project.

So engrossed on the screen in front of you, you don't realize someone's taken a seat next to you until your arm is nudged. Turning to your right, you grin softly at a clearly tired Peter and take out the left cordless earbud. "What's up?" You mumble quietly.

"What are you working on?"

"Class project. We were originally supposed to piece together home videos," you say, gesturing to the screen, "but I didn't want people to have that close of a look at what goes on in my life outside of school."

He smirks. "Like the fact that you hang out with Avengers? Or about Mimic?"

"Exactly. So instead I took clips from my favorite movies and TV shows, and placed a song to the scenes."

"Ooh. What song?"

You hand him the earbud you'd taken out with a grin and restart your half finished video for him to watch. "It's called Find You by Ruelle."

Peter settles in and watches what you currently have, and when it's done he glances at you in surprise. "That song is kind of.. hauntingly beautiful?"

"Right?"

"Are you trying to make your classmates cry?"

"Eh. It wasn't my attention, but if they cry at least I know I did a good job."

"Don't worry. You've done an awesome job so far."

Smiling at Peter, you can't help but nudge him in retaliation when his words of praise bring a heat to your cheeks. He knows the effect his words have had you if his twinkling eyes are anything to go by. "Knock it off, Spiderboy."

"Man. SpiderMan."

"Whatever. Wanna watch a movie?"

Peter chuckles and nods. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well since Halloween is just about a week away.." you trail off, saving the progress on your project before closing it out and bringing up your all time favorite Halloween movie.

"Hocus Pocus?" Peter muses. "Aunt May loves this movie."

"Yeah? Well settle in, Petey. We're watching it."

As the opening credits start, you arrange the screen so the both of you can see it perfectly as you lean back in your seat. Then seated back you realize just how close Peter is to you as your biceps are pressed together. He smiles as you lean against each other, earbud in place to hear the movie.

Fifteen minutes in and Peter's gone completely relaxed, his head on your shoulder. You continue to mumble along to the movie- word for word- and lightly smack Peter when he pokes fun at you for knowing the words by heart.

Forty minutes in and your head falls against the top of Peter's. He snuggles in and you smile at the adorableness of it all, and the two of you continue to watch the movie in peace.

You don't know when your eyes slip shut, but they do, and you're only woken back up when a blanket is being tucked around your left shoulder. Sleepily blinking open your eyes, you frown at Natasha. "What-"

"Shh," she quiets you. "We're still en-route. Go back to sleep."

"Okay." You glance to your right and are surprised to find Peter sleeping against you.

Smiling, you let your eyes slip shut once more. "It's him, isn't it?" Your eyes blink back open at Natasha's words. "The boy you like?"

"I-" She grins knowingly and you exhale softly. "It doesn't matter. He's.. Petey. And now that I know he's Spiderman? He's even more out of my league."

"Don't sell yourself short, Y/N." Smiling sadly, you shrug off Nat's words and try not to hurt your own feelings too much by realizing again that you don't have a chance with the cute boy asleep on your shoulder. "And for what it's worth, we're pretty sure he likes you back."

"Why do you say that?"

"Boys with crushes talk. And apparently Peter's talked to Tony. A lot."

"Whatever you say, Nat. Wake me up when we get there."

The next time Cap tells you a mission is going to be easy as pie, you're going to remind him of this particular mission. Everything that could have gone wrong, did go wrong, and you're the one who walked away with the most damage. You're grateful your identity will forever remain a secret, but it sucks that you don't have any nifty powers that allow you to heal faster. Instead, you're stuck with your average human healing abilities.

"I hate you guys," you mumble as Bucky carefully lowers you onto the jet bench. "I think my shoulder is dislocated."

"I'll take a look." As Bucky carefully cuts the strap to your dress to leave your left shoulder bare, he tuts at what he sees. "Want me to fix it?"

"If you can. Just give me a moment." Bucky hums, but just as you attempt to calm your breathing he's shoving your arm back into its socket. "SON OF A MOTHERFUCKER!" Tony and Peter enter the jet just as the words leave your mouth, Tony smirking and Peter gaping. "You're such an asshole, Barnes!"

"Language."

"Fuck you, Rogers. I'm a measly human. I heal slowly. I'm allowed all the curse words in the world."

Natasha enters behind Steve, smirking. "Cheer up, buttercup. You held your own perfectly."

"Yeah? Tell that to my shoulder, my stomach, and my face."

Steve hands you an ice pack for your face and you take it with a tight smile. "I'm just gonna head back into the bedroom and change. Do you guys need anything else from me?"

"No. You're good," Steve says. "Good job out there, Mimic."

"Thanks, Cap."

Limping back towards the bedroom, you toss the ice pack down while opening up one of the fancy closets built into the wall. You pull out a sports bra, a racerback tank top, and some cotton shorts. Then quickly changing, hissing through the pain, you settle onto the bed and lay down while icing down the side of your face.

Some time later, after you've managed to sit up and settle against the mountain of pillows, there's a knock on the door.

"Come in."

Peter pokes his head in. "Want some company? The adults are a bore."

Smiling tiredly, you beckon him in. "Sure. Come on in, Petey."

As he enters the room, you perk up when you see he's brought the laptop with him. "Mind if I sit? Mr. Barnes also said to give you these. Said that they're your favorite," he says as he reaches behind him into his pocket.

"Not at all." Peter pulls a package from the back pocket of his jeans and your eyes light up at the Strawberry Sour Punch straws he has. "Oh my god. Bucky might have given you the idea, but since you brought me the candy you're officially my favorite, Parker."

He crawls onto the bed with you, settling at your side with the laptop in his lap and hands you the candy. His fingers drum against the closed lid as he asks, "How are you holding up?"

"I've been better. I can't wait to get home and soak in an ice bath."

"I bet," he chuckles quietly. Silence briefly settles between the two of you before he's talking again. "So.. Mimic, huh?"

"Mhm. And Spiderman. How did that happen?"

"Believe it or not, it was a radioactive spider." You laugh in disbelief, but he assures you it's true. "What about you? Is it only people you can change into or animals too?"

"Just people," you tell him. "I can shift into another person to match them identically or, as you saw for the mission, change my features to whatever is needed and make up a completely new person."

"That's an awesome super power."

You shrug, blushing lightly. "It has its perks."

Peter grins at you and then clears his throat, opening the laptop up in his lap. "So since we saw your Halloween movie, it's only fair we watch mine."

"That's fair." You open the candy, pulling free a sugar coated gummy straw and bite into it. "Want some?"

"In a moment." Peter searches through the movies on the laptop and you're excited to see what he's going to choose. "Okay. Here we go."

He settles back and gets comfortable, reaching to grab a candy from the little plastic tray they came in. "Casper?" You muse. "Nice choice, Petey."

The two of you fall quiet as the movie starts, you immediately leaning against one another. The candy is quickly eaten and brief laughter is heard throughout the room. The part where Kat is on the verge of sleep when Casper is hovering over her, asking quietly can I keep you? comes to pass and you awe out loud.

Hooking your arm through Peter's, you lay your head on his shoulder. "I don't care if he's a ghost. That's so goddamn adorable."

"You're adorable."

Your heart beats triple, but you keep your cheek pressed to Peter's shoulder to avoid looking at him. "Shush, you."

He chuckles quietly, but does as he's told.

Casper gets turned into a real boy for the final dance of the Halloween party inside Kat's home and Peter smiles as you quietly squeal. The infamous words, can I keep you?, are spoken yet again and Peter can't help but laugh out loud at your reaction.

"Don't shame me. It's so freakin' cute!"

"If you say so."

You and Peter keep the movies Halloween themed up until the fourth movie, you switching it up and putting on UP.

"I love this movie so much."

By now you're laying down, practically draped over Peter's chest. You had originally thought it'd be weird, but Peter went with the flow and tucked one arm behind his head while the other traced random patterns on your back.

"It's great, but the beginning is just so sad for an animated movie."

You sigh softly. "Agreed." You watch Carl and Ellie through the years, your heart aching for the animated couple. "I need more friends," you mumble. "Someone I can strong-arm into dressing up as Mr. Fredricksen to my Ellie. Maybe even get a Russell."

"And Mr. Fredricksen can walk around with a bouquet of balloons." You gasp as you pause the movie, pushing up onto the palms of your hands and hovering over Peter as you stare at him in realization. His smile slowly falls and he quickly shakes his head. "No."

"Please?"

"No, Y/N."

"Come on," you pout. "It's perfect. We can even wrangle Ned into being Russell."

Against his better judgement, Peter laughs. "No. Besides, it's too close to Halloween. We won't find costumes."

"Uh, hello." You swat at him. "We have Tony Stark and Natasha Romanoff on our side. And I'm sure your aunt May would just love to help out after we pitch the costume idea."

"Y/N.."

"Peter, please?"

He continues to stare at you until his gaze softens. "Fine."

"Yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you." You beam, quickly falling back down on him before you can do something stupid (like kiss his cheek), and press play on the movie again.

With one arm draped across his abdomen and your ear resting over his heart, you can't wipe the smile from your face as you hear his rapidly beating heart thump away.

- X - X - X - X - X -

"Rise and shine, kiddos. It's time to get up." Nothing. You hear the feminine voice, but you choose to ignore it. The arm around you tightens and you turn your face into Peter's chest. "Seriously, guys, get up. As adorable as this is, we've landed."

"Nat," you whine. "Get out."

"Like I said- adorable. You guys have ten minutes."

The door is shut and you sigh, pinching Peter's side when you feel him laughing. "M'sorry I fell asleep on you."

"I'm not. That was the best sleep I've had in awhile." As Peter starts to stretch, you roll over onto your back and do the same. "You always this grumpy?"

"Only when I'm still tired." You whimper and wince at the pain still lingering in your shoulder, and sigh and you sit up. "How's my face?"

Facing Peter, you close your eyes and let him inspect you. "I honestly thought it was going to be a lot worse than what it is. Your split lip is the worst of it."

"Awesome," you deadpan as he scoots out of bed. Then yawning, you gesture for him to go on. "I'll catch up with you later. We'll discuss costumes Monday at school."

"Alright." He lingers by the door and you smile softly at him as he sheepishly rubs the back of his neck. His face seems flushed, but you've no idea why. "Yeah. I'll just- I'll see you later."

Peter exits the room and you allow yourself a brief laugh. Then making sure your hair isn't a mess, you exit the room where everyone but Peter is lingering around still, smirks on every face there. "I don't want to hear it."

"Adorable," Natasha muses.

"We had to keep Stevie from marching in there and separating you two," Bucky then says.

You wrinkle your nose. "We slept. Well we watched movies and then slept. Nothing scandalous went on."

Tony waffles his eyebrows. "So you gonna ask him out?"

"Ugh. Don't make it weird. We're hanging out on Halloween and I rather not be a stuttering, flustered mess."

"Aw. No horror movie marathon this year?" Steve frowns.

"Sorry, bub." Then looking between Nat and Tony, you ask, "Do either of you know someone in the makeup department who can make latex wrinkles for the face? I need to age up Peter for his costume. And probably a seamstress who can tailor our outfits once we find them."

Natasha immediately shrugs. "Sure. What are you going as?"

Smiling, you tell them. "Mr. Fredricksen and Ellie from that animated movie UP. I'm going to try and rope our friend Ned into being Russell, so we'll also need someone who can make an adult Boy Scout outfit for him."

"That.. is the most adorable thing I've ever heard." Tony says. "Don't worry about a thing. You and your friends stop by the tower after you convince your Russell to join you and we'll get everything squared away. The only payment I'll require is pictures. Pepper loves that movie."

"Done and done. Thanks, Tony."

As it turns out, Ned didn't need any convincing at all after hearing the costume idea. He was immediately game for it all, much to Peter's amusement. And then to make the deal even sweeter, the boys were relieved to learn that Tony Stark himself was taking care of everything they needed under the supervision of the Black Widow. Ned, of course, knew all about Peter's identity, so he didn't really bat an eye about the Avengers doing this stuff for them, but he was curious as to how you fit in. So after a couple days of dealing with Ned's suspicious behavior, you thought it only fair you come clean to him about Mimic.

Needless to say, Ned was super stoked to have two enhanced individuals that he could call friends.

Then in the days leading up to Halloween, Ned and Peter would not leave you be. You were friends to begin with, though you mostly spoke between classes, but now they purposely sought you out- Ned to make sure you guys wanted him to be Russell and Peter because.. well you weren't really sure. He was always smiling, flushed, and kept sheepishly ducking his head when you laughed at something he said.

Halloween was then here and the three of you rushed to Tony's tower to change. Peter was the only one who needed a professional makeup artist to age him up, and then later had a white substance sprayed into his hair and eyebrows for the elderly man look. You easily shifted your features and hair color, aging yourself up and then adding some glasses to match the age you made Peter portray as Mr. Fredricksen.

When Peter steps out in black framed glasses, a white button up, suspenders, and brown corduroy pants, your heart melts. "Oh my god," you gush. "Petey!"

He chuckles. "Looking good, Ellie."

You're wearing a green pant suit and flats, your blazer cinched at the waist with a brown belt, and a purple flower pinned to the right side of your chest. "Right back at 'ya, Carl."

"Alright, Alright. I will admit this is cute," Sam says as he leans against the wall. Mostly everyone had come to the tower to hand out candy down in the main lobby. "You did good, kids."

"Wait for it," Tony smirks. "It gets better."

Another door opens and Natasha walks out, chuckling. "This was seriously the cutest idea ever."

Ned walks out then, a book in hand with a miniaturized version of the movie poster for UP plastered on the front. He fixes his sash- which bears badges for every Avenger, Spiderman, Mimic, Stark Industries, and the logo for their high school- across his chest, beaming. Then walking up to Tony, he opens the book and pretends to read from it. "Good afternoon! My name is Russell and I am a Wilderness Explorer. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?"

"No."

The group gathered around all laugh and Tony claps Ned in the shoulder. "When Pepper walks in, please say that to her. She's going to love it, kid."

"Goddammit," Sam then grumbles. "You kids gather around. My momma needs to see this," he says while taking his phone out.

"Not yet!" You're quick to say. "Our costumes aren't complete yet."

"No? What the hell else is there? If you got someone to dress up as a bird and squawk at random people, I'm done."

Peter and Ned snicker, shaking their heads. The elevator then dings, and out walk Steve and Bucky with an insane amount of helium filled balloons of every color.

"There. Now you can take our picture."

The balloons get handed to Peter as you and Ned flank him. Bucky also hands over a cane, chuckling while muttering about Peter being the old man now, and the trio have to endure picture after picture.

The elevator dings yet again, this time Pepper being let off. "Tony? What was so important that you made me come down as soon as possible?"

Tony coughs and nudges Ned. "You're on."

Stumbling forward, Ned fumbles with the book. He stops in front of Pepper and nervously clears his throat. "Good afternoon! My name is Russell and I am a Wilderness Explorer. Are you in need of any assistance today, ma'am?"

Pepper's eyes actually tear up as her laugh resonates around the room. "You guys! You're so adorable!"

"Thank you, Miss Potts," Peter says.

"Yes, thank you, Pepper," you smile, waving at her.

Her eyes widen. "Y/N?"

"In the flesh."

"Oh, Tony. Please tell me you got pictures."

"We did. Lots of them."

"While we'd love to stay and chat, we really should go," Peter then says. "We'll walk around for about an hour before coming back here to greet the kids with you guys."

"Sounds good. Have fun, you three," Steve says.

- X - X - X - X - X -

Trick-or-Treating for your own candy is a bit hard when everyone really loves your costume. You have no idea how many times you've been stopped and asked to have a picture taken- either just you, Peter, and Ned, or you three with a child who'd been a fan of the movie- but it's still a fun night nonetheless.

When you return to the tower, it's a full blown mad house. Everyone seems to want to take advantage and enter the tower to meet the Avengers, but Tony and the others had made it clear the candy was for children and those with special needs when it became too much. The overzealous, adult fans had to be turned away and in the end the line outside was cut down a significant amount.

"Has it been like this the entire time?" You ask, sidling up next to Bucky. He nods. "Damn."

"Excuse me, miss? Do you think my kids can get a picture with you and the others in costume from the movie UP?"

Bucky grins. "Looks like you're up, kid."

You turn to the mother who'd asked the question and smile. "Sure thing. Let me just go get them."

So as the Avengers pass out candy to overeager children, you, Peter, and Ned pose for pictures with even more children. Halfway through, however, a familiar tune starts to play throughout the lobby. It's the Married Life tune from UP, the song that plays while the movie flash forwards from Carl and Ellie's wedding up until her death. You giggle, swaying back and forth in place, as the music gets louder. Everyone starts to take notice, oohhing and awwing.

"Would you- would you like to dance?" Peter nervously asks.

You glance at him, eyebrows raising in surprise. "What?"

"Dance. With me," Peter says, gulping. "I'm not the best, but we can keep it simple."

Slowly smiling, you laugh with a nod. "Sure. Lets do this."

Peter takes your hand and leads you out into the middle of the crowd, and you nervously laugh. "Oh my god. Is it weird that I'm nervous?"

"No. I am too."

Meeting his gaze, you furrow your brow as you seem just how nervous he actually is. "Are you okay?"

"Y-Yeah! Yeah. I'm just- excited."

You chuckle. "Okay. If you say so."

With your right hand encased in Peter's left and raised out, near shoulder level, your left hand lays on his shoulder while his free hand goes to your waist. The steps are rather simple, Peter leading you in a box step before turning and then doing it all over again. Every now and then he twirls you, much to everyone's ooh's and aww's, and you always come back to him with a laugh.

"Natasha was right, you know?" He suddenly blurts. "That day on the plane."

"What?"

W-We fell asleep watching movies. Or at least you thought I fell asleep, but I was awake. Natasha figured out it was me who you liked."

Your smile falls. "Peter.."

"I like you too." His eyes subtly widen at his quick admission and you can't help it. You snort and that seems to put him at ease once more. "If anyone is out of anyone's league, it's you. You are so far out of my league. Even Ned makes jokes-"

"Peter?" You cut him off.

"Yeah?"

"Just kiss me already."

He smiles wide before hesitantly leaning in to press his lips to yours, but the moment is ruined when Tony's voice resonates around the room. "Mr. and Mrs. Fredricksen, keep it PG. There are children still here."

You and Peter jerk back from one another, blushing, and you narrow your eyes when you see Sam reluctantly handing over money to a smirking Bucky.

Of course they'd make a bet on you and Peter.

#fanficimagery #imagine #marvel imagine #peter parker imagine #spiderman imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter x reader #peter x you #peter parker #marvel #avengers #natasha romanoff #tony stark #bucky barnes #steve rogers #ned leeds #pepper potts #sam wilson

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luckdogpuppy · 4 years

Text

Why I Hate Electronics

In the old days we had ms-dos and had to fiddle with config.sys and himem.sys spending endless hours and sleepless nights trying to get the computer to run a program. Computers have come a long way since windows 95 but using them certainly hasn’t gotten any easier. I remember wondering back then why they couldn’t make a computer that actually worked, that actually figured out how to make itself work and work with other programs and devices…after all, it is a computer, isn’t it? No, instead they just get more complicated and mystifying. Now its modems and routers and ethernets and wifi that drive me crazy, and trying to cope with constant buffering when I try to watch Netflix. Who the hell can remember which remote to use to access the right button? And when you do find the right remote to access your tv who can figure out how to get to whatever it is you need to fix? And how many fucking passwords can a person remember? And passwords have to be more complicated every year. I can barely use my phone, flipping from one screen to another with my finger. It seems the only way to get out of certain screens is to shut your phone off and restart it. And nobody tells you this stuff…you have to figure it out on your own. Ever read the Microsoft manual? Who does? Just looking at the pages makes me scream. And even when you go to Youtube they go so fast you have to pause it every two seconds to write that shit down. I have endless sheets of paper in a drawer filled with step-by-step instructions on how to do computer problems. Why? Why can’t computers do these things by themselves? The last time I lost my internet connection I got all excited when I discovered this thing on my computer that told me it would run a diagnostic of my system and troubleshoot it. Wow, that sounded great. When I went there and ran it it said “you have lost your internet connection.”

They say that computers can do everything, but they still haven’t given us a computer that can fix itself or even do something as simple as letting us plug it into a router without having to go through an eleven step process to get the damn thing to work. What pisses me off is that I know they could do this. I can’t even get my two wifi extenders to work. By some miracle I did get them to work for a while but one day they both just shut off and I haven’t been able to get them running since. I can’t get past the step where I’m asked for a password. It says I’m supposed to use the one on the back of the router. Well, what it says on the back of the router is “password: (leave the field blank)”. Except when I am asked for the password it won’t let me leave the field blank. Instead it says “your password is not long enough.” Then I’m told to go to my wifi icon on my taskbar to find out what the password is. But I don’t have a wifi icon on my taskbar. So I go online and find that there are pages on how to find and/or replace the wifi icon on my taskbar, and after going through all five of the different methods of finding and replacing that icon on the taskbar without success I learn that there is no way I’m gonna get that icon to appear on the taskbar because the Windows 10 system that came with my computer doesn’t come with a wifi icon on the taskbar; Microsoft removed that file in the latest version of Windows 10. I learn that I have to buy Windows 10 Pro to get that stupid wifi icon. Are you shitting me?

I finally did find an obscure site that explained a convoluted way to find out what your router and extender passwords were. You have to start with your command prompt to get there…but that didn’t help…surprise, those passwords there didn’t work either. And don’t even ask me how to go back there and look at those passwords again. It took me an hour to figure out how to get to my command prompt from my start menu. Hint: don’t left click like you’re used to doing. When you left click on the Start menu you are presented with a long and very impressive list of places to go, all in alphabetical order, and you would think that the “Command” prompt would be there under the “c” column. But no, there is nothing that says “Command Prompt”. No, you have to right click instead. You’ll find another list of places to go there. But even then there is nothing that says “Command Prompt.” You have to click on “run” for the command prompt to come up. There is a lot of shit you can do through the command prompt but nobody is going to tell you what the secret codes are that will allow you to do those things. It used to be easy to get to the command prompt. All you had to do was click on the “Start” button. But now they’ve decided to make this an hour-long quest to find it. I have all this shit written down on endless sheets of paper in that drawer. Truth be told this electronic world makes me tear my hair out. I hate it with a passion. What pisses me off even more is that I also love it…when it’s working.

I can’t even get my computer to recognize my own email address. I bought a new Dell desktop three years ago and still get a daily message saying that I need to fix a problem with my Microsoft account. So I periodically go through the process and change my password but no matter what I do I still get that stupid message. I even had Microsoft tech reps guide me through the process three times now yet I still get that same old message. And every time I try to access my Microsoft account I’m told “that email address is already used by a different account.” I deleted all my accounts and started over but the message still comes up…the problem remains. I’ve explained all this to those tech reps but nothing keeps that message from coming up. I even signed up for a different email address but that didn’t fix the problem either and now I have an extra “Outlook” email address that I never use and wouldn’t know where it is if I did want to use it. I think the problem started when I bought a new Dell laptop. I had to sign up for a Microsoft account then. But I didn’t care for the laptop and sent it back two days later and ordered the desktop…and now Microsoft still thinks that whoever owns that laptop has the rights to my email address and not me. I explained all this to those Microsoft tech reps but that didn’t solve anything either. Yeah, this stuff bothers me. I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t like loose ends. I like things to be neat and tidy and feel like everything is in its place. But this computer stuff feels all scattered and disconnected and just fucked up. I know it’s working on my mind even when I’m not struggling with it.

In order to fix my Netflix buffering problem (and my wife’s need to have internet access for her work-at-home job) I bought a new router. I’ve had the same old cheap router for 6 years so I figure its time for a new one. I did just buy a 40 ft ethernet cable that I plugged into the back of the router and ran it along the ceiling down the hall and into the back of the tv in the living room, but we’re still having problems with “Home not available” still coming up at times. I actually bought a new router last year; an Archer A7. But I was never able to get it to work so I had to send it back, thinking it must have been defective. I realize now that it probably worked just fine and that the problem was me…that I couldn’t figure out how to get it to work. Then I had a helluva time trying to get the old one up and running again. Did you ever feel that your brain was on fire and ready to burst? That was how I felt after struggling with those two routers for 3 days. So my new router came last week and it turns out it’s the same model; the same one I tried to set up and sent back last year. I thought it was a different one because it was called a Tp-link, but its actually an Archer A7 too. On the box it says it’s a AC 1900 and on the instruction sheet it also says it’s a MU-MIMO Wi-Fi Router, so just figuring out what these things are called is a science in itself. So now I’m frightened to death to even try to set it up. The first thing the instructions say is “if this” and “if that”…as if I know the answers to these ifs. There is also a long list of FAQs in case you have problems and need help. That scares the shit out of me, too, cause I know I’m gonna need help…and lots of it. Then it gives me three different methods of setting the thing up, all of them quite convoluted and requiring me to access various internet sites, SSIDs and wireless passwords. Then I have to go to a number url: 192.188.1.1 and I remember that this is where I had to go to get my extenders to work but I was never able to get those urls to come up. Then I found out that they only come up if you use Google Chrome, and of course there is nothing in the instructions that tells you you can only use Google Chrome. No, you have to find that out on your own too. So now I have to change my browser and come up with another password so I can access Google Chrome. I am so afraid that I will not be able to complete these steps correctly and that I will then have to struggle another two days to get my old router to work again that the new router is still sitting on a shelf two weeks later. I’m thinking that I should go to Best Buy and have the Geek Squad come and set up my router but I know I’ll have to listen to them explain their convoluted tech plan that will ask me to decide whether to get a one visit deal or buy a year subscription…and I know one visit will not fix all my loose ends. And it makes me wonder if that is the reason why computers intentionally aren’t made to fix things.

Oh, by the way, I’m sitting here writing all this down with my Microsoft Word, and now I find that I am unable to save what I’ve written because I don’t have a subscription to Word any more. I guess my free time is over. God, don’t you love it? You can’t even buy a computer with a simple word processor in it without having to pay a yearly fee to use it. Next thing you know somebody will figure out how to put a chip under your skin that measures how many breaths you take so they can charge you for the air you breathe.

Dear Lord, if reincarnation is real please let me go to a world that is either before computers or way beyond computers. Or better yet, where computers and routers and extenders actually use a computer so they can work together.

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toddhowardxreader · 4 years

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when i was eight or nine years old, my brother (who was just a toddler) reset my pokemon ruby game cartridge. he obviously didn’t mean to, and i feel bad today about how long i resented him for it, but at the time, as a very overly empathetic lonely child who thought my pokemon were my friends and had bonded with them for years, it was. a horrible, traumatic thing to go through. which is silly. because it’s such an unnecessary reaction to something so trivial. which is probably why my parents didn’t understand and they thought it was ridiculous of me to act like that over a video game, depriving me of the emotional consolation i needed then, but all i can remember is childhood keena crying themself to sleep because my pokemon were gone forever out of nowhere. i had so many memories attached to the game and they were all gone. it was fucking rough! i’m still sad about it! i still miss my sceptile, my first pokemon i ever received.

of late, what with far too much time to myself, delving into childhood experiences i’d thoroughly buried and realizing how much upsetting stuff still affects me to this day, i’m thinking of this event and thinking of how much of a stupid tenuous bond i hold to such ridiculous, trivial, ephemeral things like digital data and how disproportionately upset i become when things are deleted/corrupted and i wonder if it all traces back to that event. there’s lots of other factors, sure, but, i dunno. i’ve had genuine meltdowns because my computer restarts and i lose an art wip, or a bunch of tabs i had open, or something i wrote. i remember high school me, on occasions when a flash drive or sd card became fucked up, spending hours painstakingly recovering the files, crying the entire time. i’ve been numbly terrified for the past four days because out of nowhere, my phone reset itself and told me that it was unable to restart and needs to reset to factory default and delete all my data and i just... can’t cope with the prospect of that happening. i’ve been laying awake at night thinking of losing everything i’ve saved on there since 2016 and i literally would rather kill myself than lose that because i just cannot cope with it. some of it is the obsessive compulsions, sure, but it’s an entirely devastating prospect and even with me doing everything i can to find a solution to fix my stupid piece of technology i still worry even if i can save the files i’ll still lose like... my notes and text conversations and contacts and my stupid browser tabs and it’s too much for me to handle. i’m such. a broken useless human that gets so distraught to the point of dysfunction over stuff that doesn’t even matter. i don’t know wha t the point of me still being alive is and every day i just wonder why i even bother when everything hurts so much but. whatever.

#sigh #empty

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mcrmadness · 4 years

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I’m at the point where I’m being really annoyed by mornings again. Or more like, that particular time of the time when I wake up because I know most people would say that 2pm is no longer a morning... Anyway, I just get up every morning to do absolutely nothing just to go to sleep eventually again. And now each “morning” is boring af, I get up, brush my teeth and come to my computer, browse Tumblr and don’t know what to do. For weeks I’ve been watching certain types of videos from YT meanwhile playing with nonograms or jigsaw puzzles online because it helps me to concentrate as I don’t like watching videos of people talking, it’s super boring, but that way I can still listen to them without feeling like losing my mind because of being so bored. But now neither nonograms nor jigsaw puzzles feel thay interesting NOR do the videos I’ve been watching. There’s really not much new stuff, just the same topics done by many many people and I can’t watch that for too long before I get bored with the topics too, because I already know enough. I’ve also been going through all videos on so many different channels and either there’s nothing interesting anymore or I literally have watched everything. So now every day after being done with browsing Tumblr, I try to find something to watch from youtube but currently my recommended page keeps offering me the same videos over and over again, the same topics, and also lots of videos I have already watched. I’d love to see something very random that isn’t particularly linked to my watch history but no, all videos like that are something to do with the goddamned crona hashtags and they’re already driving me crazy because I’m so fed up with all this corona stuff. And I have made several posts about this already and how I hate the superficial fake-happiness in all those videos where people try to come up with stuff for people to do so that they’d just stay at home. I’m staying at home 24/7 even without corona, so can’t you just NOT show those recommendations for me??? Oh I wish Youtube had some sort of tag blacklisting system...

But yeah, apart from all that, I’ve been dealing with my existential crisis a lot lately too. Not that it’d have ever went anyway in the first place, but just having these partly existential crisis, partly dissociation/derealization moments that I don’t know if I’m ever going to get rid of. Just been thinking about my fave band (dä) a lot lately and how stressed out they make me all the time. I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I’m not the best with surprises but I’m okay with them, but what REALLY makes (and has always made) me distressed is waiting. Knowing that something is about to happen but you have no idea when and how and possibly what. That is what makes me so distressed. It’s like with ghosts and paranormal things too: I’m not afraid of ghosts and I actually do like them a lot, but I’m afraid of being startled and waiting for something that might come as a surprise to me. (This is why I don’t watch horror films - jumpscares are much worse when I know there will be some.) And I’ve started to hate the weekdays from Monday to Friday because I feel like I can rest only on weekends because maybe those guys won’t do anything during weekends. During other days anything is possible. And now they’re gonna open their webshop on Friday and it’s causing me SO MUCH PRESSURE here. And it’s again not that I’d be worried of what it is, but worried of the fact I am waiting for something now but I don’t know what I’m waiting for. I always need to be in control and ahead of everything, whenever I go to a new place, I need to have a look around the whole thing before I can do anything, and I really wouldn’t like the idea of being dropped right in the middle of action. That just makes me so overwhelmed and I start to panic.

To the existential crisis - I’ve also been wondering about myself and why dä? Imagine if the band was something else but this. And the fact this band is a “once in a lifetime” thing. There’s never been another band like them and never will be. Which is crazy and blows my mind. And this is where I start to dissociate with derealization because I somehow still feel like everything is a movie or a video game. I’m constantly thinking like “oh maybe in my next life I’ll be born earlier so I can become their fan in the 80s” or “maybe in my next life I’ve learnt from my mistakes in this life”. I basically feel like my life is like a video game that I can restart whenever I have played through the story and do different choices then. And some days it hurts so much to be dropped back on ground. But I will just climb up again and escape into my small bubble where things are not like that.

Also this other day I was wondering the age thing again. I’ve been having age crisis at least since I turned 25 because then I was closer to 30 than 20. And I’m turning 29 in less than a month and that had been so terrible thought for so long but now I’m slowly getting used to it. Even tho I still wish I was 19 or something. But at the same time it feels really absurd because I feel like... ten years ago I was 19, and that doesn’t sound that much but I still feel like last year was 2010. And me wishing I was 19 again... well when I was 19, most of my friends were not even teenagers yet. So that means I would not know those people. But then I feel like I’ve been wasting the last 10 years of my life. And if I was smart, I’d realize that I actually have not been wasting those years - I have been working with horses, studying horses, graduated and I’ve grown a pretty good knowledge over what it is to take care of and even train horses. I have got and learnt so much. But still I feel like I should have done that a lot earlier than what I did. But if I did it a lot earlier, then I wouldn’t have had work experience worth over 10 years. Which is why I wish I could have just stopped time for the time I was studying and continue then after I was done. Because I’m literally in the middle of an age crisis because I’m turning 29 but I basically feel like I’m near my end already. It’s like what my friend told me when I was 22 and started having similar thoughts: “You sound like you just discovered what people normally discover only when they turn 50.” Yeah, I’ve literally been having mid-life crisis since I was 22.

For the first time even I experienced some derealization moments was when I was 19 and working at a stable and I was cleaning up the stable and taking out a wheelbarrow full of horse shit. It just suddenly hit me that what I’m doing here, makes absolutely no difference. And I suddenly dived into this horrible state where I felt like nothing I do, matter because nothing will last. Like, why should I create memories if I’m gonna lose them anyway when I die? That really made it so hard to enjoy anything because I was just constantly obsessing with the thought of not having my memories forever and how everything felt so, so damn pointless. I don’t care if people know my name or not, I live for myself anyway so it felt really unfair that I should actually live here and do things and create memories if they are going to be taken away from me eventually just because everyone has to die. And I have always had really bad relationship with death. I remember being probably 7 years old and seeing something on TV about death and cemeteries and it caused me to have one of my earliest anxiety/panic attacks and I was literally sitting on the toilet floor hugging the toilet because the idea of death made me so, so sick. Which is why I then have been avoiding the topic as much as I can and I’ve been blocking those thoughts and stuff and why I love every time death is portrayed as non-permanent in fiction (my all-time favorite is Tim Burton’s Beetlejuice). Or when there’s some sort afterlife. Which is why I’ve been obsessed with ghosts and grim reaper and whatnot in my past. It just comforts me so much because I find it so scary to think that everything would just stop existing. I can kinda imagine that... emptiness that happens when nothing is anymore and it just feels so overwhelming and scary that I nearly start to panic from the thought alone. As a kid, I’ve been having panic attacks from the thought of the sun going out, a meteor hitting the earth, or just pretty much anything that would mean almost instant death. I feel like I probably developed derealization also for this type of fears. If the idea of death has made me physically sick at the age of 7, no wonder why my system decided to come up with dissociation to protect my mind. I always feel like when I keep having these deep thoughts, that my brains are on the edge of overheating (figuratively), it just goes so over my head but at the same time I’m understanding it, which then triggers dissociation because it’s too much to deal with.

I also have a medical trauma from when I was 3 years old, which is probably the core for all the dissociation too. It was an open heart surgery which pretty much means being half-dead already as you’re connected to the machines that keep up your breathing and blood circulation while the doctors fix your heart. Because of that, I find the thought it anesthesia highly disturbing. I know people undergo surgeries all the time for whatever reasons but I feel like I could never ever do one again because I’m so afraid of that emptiness becoming permanent. I can’t remember a thing from my surgery nor how I went to sleep or anything like that, but as an adult, I just find that so scary and I’m always really scared whenever I know people who are going to have anesthesia because what if they don’t come back? I know trans people who don’t have other option but to undergo some surgeries and I’m like... I’m nonbinary afab and I’d be happy to donate my own boobs away any minute but I could never ever go to a surgery from my own will. I rather just fantasize of a bodyshape that I don’t have than would actually do something about it because for me that would just not be an option. I sometimes wonder that if I had dysphoria or if I was trans, would I still feel the need for surgeries? Or what if I have dysphoria but I just don’t see it, because I can’t do anything about it so I just escape into my inner world and try not to think about myself? I do have some sort of body dysMORPHIA, tho. But I don’t know if I hate my body or if I just see it wrongly. But whatever the case, I try not to think about it too much, I avoid mirrors and spend most of time in my inner world. Because the outter world is too overwhelming and depressing to deal with and my existential crisis can’t take it.

#mcrmadness' random stuff #personal #tw deep thoughts over death and existence #(no need to worry - just pondering these themes)#existential crisis #derealization #dissociation #long post

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