#I know I'm a lot! I think it's incredibly sweet that y'all visit!

[dootznbootz]

Btw, for the lovely folks who don't follow me but then come visit every once in a while to look through my things, know that I think you're neat and that I love you. The fact that you know you don't want to see my shit on the reg, (I understand, I AM chaos) yet still coming to visit is really nice💙It genuinely warms my heart and I find it really sweet.

[whence-the-woody]

Not willing to rewatch coz s1 I'm not a huge fan of and s2 is too much emotion for me rn but trying to remember Colin's character through the show. Coz in this season he's definitely all over the place.

Like in s1 I guess you could characterise him as a bit hopeless romantic, quick to fall in love, impulsive, kinda goofy. Definitely a younger brother. You could say easily embarrassed then but honestly the way he acted was hella fucking embarrassing, I'd hide too. Could be a sweet son. Not a bad friend but incredibly oblivious. Held grudges for sure.

Then s2 he was undebatably INSUFFERABLE after his travels. Pretentious and annoying. Not understanding of boundaries or able to let things go (the Maria visits). An experimental drug dude, which yknow good for him. Still v little bro energy, mocking his brothers all the time. Not alot of empathy. Very privileged - I mean they all are but compared to Anthony's level of responsibility he clearly had none. Showed some positive protective instincts, helping out the featheringtons. So in some ways shown to be a better friend but in others WAY worse - talking shit on Pen: unforgivable. So still easily embarrassed. Kind of a little shit but not particularly funny I wouldn't say? That's bendict. Not very opinionated, that's Eloise. Francesca has passion he didn't. Idk just kinda nothing in terms of ways to describe him.

Then s3. Oh boy. Suddenly after yet more travels hes a chronic flirt - no hate just a weird 180. Discovered the joys of group sex at some point - again no hate but tells me nothing about who he is. He doesnt seem to be looking for marriage? Doesnt mention any goals or interests? He says he doesnt care what others think of him but that majorly contradicts everything that came before. Then he says hes been trying to be what society wants - so contradiction again. He considers himself a flirting expert out of nowhere? Okay dude. In a desperate attempt to make them compatible hes suddenly also a gossip? Sure. Also suddenly has a study and is a writer?? Other than writing letter to Pen, where the hell did that come from? Just everyone getting completely sick of hearing his stories? y'all had 2 previous seasons to make them seem compatible, why throw this stuff in now? He's not a romantic, doesnt seem to understand why Pen wants marriage - even though was so quick to get engaged two years ago. He still doesnt have a lot of empathy really. Still easily embarassed. Not much showing him to be a good brother. Still a pretty sweet son and obviously idealised his parents relationship, that's something. Absolutely impulsive - interrupting that dance, good god sir. You could argue he was jealous in s1 so that checks out. The romantic dialogue really paled in comparison to previous seasons but maybe that is in character?

But still I try to think of his personality and Im kinda like ??

Smug. Jealous. Pretty unserious. Privledged. Sometimes protective. A newfound gossip and writer. Self conscious most of the time but other times completely oblivious to peoples social cues. Impulsive for sure. A sweet son. Meh brother. No friends, goals or talents.

I just feel like Daphne and Anthony, by this point in their seasons, were really fleshed out characters and personalities. You knew who they were, their motivations, their histories, their huberis. Its been 3 years and I still feel like we dont know Colin. Maybe because the focus is on Pen? But even then I dont know if they've hugely expanded on her character thus far.

I guess I wonder that for the people who are huge fans of Colin - why? Who do you think he is? What is his character? Do you think its consistent? Does the inconsistency make sense to you somehow? I cant be invested in this dude when I still dont know who he is (also when the actor is okay at best lbr)

[okdeedee]

your writing is incredible and i cannot believe you don't have more followers - seriously! have you ever considered writing about Cassian x reader and moments of intimacy? like not explicit or sexual per say but just those moments of intimacy you share with a romantic partner that are not written about enough. i love you and thank you for your service to the very dry desert that is this fandom - you are the watering hole that never dries up and is not a mirage

hello!! haha thank you! i love this idea!!! i might write a longer like. actual piece of writing but for now im in headcanon mode. here are some of the ideas going swooooosh in my head . im running w mechanic! reader because i'm deep in that 'verse.

warnings: none lol just sweetness. fluff.

___ - even though he's such a lone wolf when it comes to being a spy - and also because he's lost almost everyone he's ever loved - we see especially in the earlier episodes of andor that cassian is pretty enthusiastic about physical touch when it comes to the people that he loves.

- he's a hugger with people he cares about, which is one thing, but i also see him as the sort of person that, when he gets close to and comfortable with you, he'll lean into those casual points of contact you have with a person. - like sitting next to each other; shoulders or legs touching. the warmth of someone next to you, the comfort of contact from someone you trust. i also think he'd be pretty into holding hands whenever humanly possible. - visiting you in the hangars; greeting you by squeezing your hand. holding it while you're talking, or walking somewhere. just casual, comforting points of contact. - but like he'd try to be cool about it because he tries to be cool about everything. - he's like a cat. won't let anyone touch him except like one or two special people. - one of my favourite emotional intimacy things with any kind of relationship is when you reach the point that you don't have to perform or be anything other than your natural self around someone - cassian would love this. he has to put up a facade every day. for the work he does. for being undercover. for being a leader. - being able to just sit in silence, being able to decompress. talk about your day. be closer to Kassa than Cassian Andor, Hero of the Rebellion. going to his room at the end of the day and being able to cuddle up in complete silence and relax. - being able to be angry, or irritable, and knowing that even if either of you snap at each other, you'll sort it out. acceptance of people's moods and behaviours comes with time. - he's a prickly guy. like y'all would for SURE have arguments about something or other. but he's incredibly loyal. and for you? who wouldn't want to keep that man forever? not letting him go any time soon. - when you reach a point where you don't have to communicate verbally about things - like when someone's pissing you off in the mess hall in a group setting; just being able to make eye contact with each other and you're both like 'fuck this guy.' - if cass came back after a mission or you come to your room after a long day, and the other just knows what the vibe is by reading your body language. - the thing where you say the same thing at the same time because you spend so much time together, and it's sort of dumb or embarrassing, but you also feel sort of proud of the connection you have. - he's such an eye contact dude. he says a lot with his eyes. i'd think you'd get very good at knowing exactly what he's thinking. and a little (a lot) flustered if it's obvious he's looking at you affectionately. - the THING my other favourite thing is when someone you love does something that's so them and you're just immediately flooded by the i love this person!!!!. and you feel like you have to say it before it explodes out of you. - cassian isn't a super verbose guy emotionally speaking but he does alright. - so i'm not sure if he'd ever just say the "i love you" out of nowhere like i mentioned but... i think in the right situation. on that rare occasion?? yeah he'd say it. and it would probably make your knees weak because he's a very earnest person.

that's all from me.. those are my ideas rn. thank you for the ask !!!

[paleangels13]

Tagged by @mondscheinprinzessin and @rosalba-robi 💖

rules: list your top 5 favorites of your fics, what they're about, and why you're proud of them, then tag some fic authors to do the same!

I won't tag anyone because I don't know who's done it by now and who hasn't ^^"

Baby, if I let you in, I know I'll be falling

This is basically just about Aleksi visiting Robin for a hook up but there is a very obvious hint at idiots in love at the end ^-^

It was the first fic I wrote after I think 2 or 3 years and started my whole journey as a writer in this fandom so it holds a very special place in my heart ☺️ I also found my amazing beta-reader (@bc-sideblog) thanks to this fic and I wouldn't want to miss her 🥺🥺❤️ there is a whole universe created around this story btw, I just need to write it down eventually... Maybe ✨

Sharing is caring

Well, this is omegaverse and besically it's about Joonas getting into his heat on the tourbus and the others (all alphas) helping him get through it. There is some tenderness and actual love going on in the last part so it has some sweetness and feelings to it 🥺👀

This was the second biggest fic I've ever written and it was so, so much work which I totally underestimated but I'm super proud about actually finishing it and yeah. Also went completely out of my comfort zone with this because I never planned on writing omegaverse... :) (also btw really like the difference between each of the guys with Joonas and especially the interaction between Joonas and Niko in the end!)

After the battle

Fantasy au with the boy being... Well, who knows ✨👀 Tommi is a werebear but that's the only thing that's very safe just from reading the story :D And aside from that it's about them being involved in a battle where one of them gets injured and doesn't come back to their safe house immediately so there is some drama and angst in this.

I just really love this AU and I definitely want to explore this some more! I like the way I wrote this not jumping straight to the point but rather giving more and more hints throughout the story ^^" I was super fun to write and I love the whole group-dynamic in this 🥰

More beautiful than the night sky on New Year's Eve

Robin invites Aleksi to a NYE party and they have some stuff to talk about with some realization hitting in (cute ending!)

First fully "fluffy" fic I ever (?) wrote and I like the setting a lot and it's idiots in love and dude you two are so stupid 😭🤲🏻 please just get your shit together everyone can see you're on love 😔

When he comes home... (/the whole Toxic Series in general)

Well the one I specifically mentioned is what it says in the title... Aleksi coming home to Joonas and Rilla. It just isn't a happy reunion.

I like the atmosphere in this one I think? Like nothing actually happens but it's still super obvious that something is incredibly wrong and also Rilla 🥺 being there comforting Joonas and probably being the main reason why nothing happens 🥺

About the series in general I can just say that I'm kinda proud of the whole atmosphere I created in each of the 3 stories so far and idk... I really went out of my comfort zone with this one when it comes to actually writing something in this direction down and not just having the idea but being too...scared? of actually putting it into a fic. But I also had a hard time writing the first part because I didn't want to go into too much detail about what's happening but also didn't want to skip it all together so I had to find something in the middle which was tough. There is at least one more (maybe two) part coming for that one in case anyone cares 😅🙈

Bonus: I can feel you looking at me

Aleksi and Olli work at a...bar. And finally Aleksi gathers the courage to talk to Olli about some things he had noticed during the past few weeks (idiots in love but with a little...twist..??)

I like this and I can't tell y'all why. I just do. Also got to write this into a little different setting thanks to a certain someone but you'll get to read that in the next few days (I hope) 🥰

[dnarez]

Chapter 2

(photos and descriptions of characters at the end)

After a long 15-hour-long flight, you are surprised by the scene on the drop out gate, your grandfathers are there, and also some of the 'Straw hat' group, your father attracts really weird people, all his friends are just crazy.

"TORAO! IT'S BEEN SO LONG!!" Luffy, a black haired young man that it's using a straw hat, jumps up and down, being held back by his friends.

"LUFFY! WAIT UNTIL THEY ARE HERE, WE ARE GOING TO GET KICKED OUT IF YOU DON'T STOP!!" Usopp a man with long curly black hair and a very long nose, and Sanji a man with a weird curled brow and short blond hair, tries to hold him back.

"Oh, okay" when Luffy stops fighting against them, the 3 off them fall backwards, causing the troublemaker to laugh.

"Knock it off Luffy!" Nami, a beautiful woman, with long bright orange hair and very big breasts, punched his face which gave him a black eye instantly.

You chuckled at the scene, as you, your father and the gang finally gets to them, the first thing you do is jump super high, so you are able to hug grandpa Roci, who is REALLY tall. "GRANDPA! I MISSED YOU!"

He smiles and hugs you back "I missed you too Dondon-chan, you are so bigger than the last time..."

"Of course I'm bigger! The last time you saw me I was 8 years old!!"

"I'M SORRY! I WANTED TO VISIT YOU AGAIN BUT I COULDN'T!" and... he starts to cry... a lot, while hugging you tighter.

"DAD! HELP! Grandpa is crushing me again!"

"Room" you are now hugging you father, you look at him surprised and then looks back at your grandfather, only to see him and Luffy hugging each other and crying.

. . .

"DID SHE JUST CALLED YOU DAD!?" shouted the straw hat crew.

"Yes you dumbasses! She's my daughter, introduce yourself" he parts the hug and pushes you lightly in their direction.

You blush heavily at the attention you were getting, you bow and smile to them "Nice to meet you all, I'm Trafalgar Donquixote Y/n, but my friends call me Dondon, it's a pleasure to finally meet you all"

"DONQUIXOTE!? SO YOU ARE DAUGHTER OF THAT MONSTER!?" Usopp screams panicking.

"You know my mom?" You tilt your head.

"Don't call her mother a monster!!" Usopp also gets a black eye from Nami.

"We fought against her some years back, I can't believe that you married her Torao" Zoro, a man with green hair and a scar across his left eye said.

"I was obligated, if I didn't marry her he would vanish with my crew..." Law said while pointing at your second grandfather, your least favorite one.

"How cruel! You hugged only Corazón, but didn't hug me!? Come here and" he licked is lips "Give your grandpa Doffy a hug" he opened his arms in your direction.

Your father put you behind him and grandpa Roci got in front of your father, the Straw hat group looked ready to fight.

"Why are you all worried?" Doffy frowned "We are family, I would never do anything to her"

You take a deep breath of courage and goes around your father and grandpa Roci, you extend your arms to Doffy, and he gives you a big smile. "How sweet of you! I wished that the others would be like you" he picks you up and hugs you.

(For those who don't know, Doffy and Roci are 3 m 5 cm and 2 m 93 cm height)

"Let her go Mingo!" Luffy shouts and gets closer to Doffy "Put her down!"

"Or what?" Doffy chuckles.

"Or I'm gonna punch your face" Luffy glares at him.

With a snob smile Doffy puts you down, next to your father. "Let's not start a fight here, there are too many eyes, I wouldn't like to get in the hero's bad side" he pets your head and takes a box from inside his enormous pink feathery coat "Here sweetie, happy late birthday" you take the present and bow to him.

"Thank you" you give him a wobbly smile and keeps the box to your chest.

"I have to go, I'm a busy man after all" he looks at each one of the people there "See you another day" with his signature smile he waves and goes his merry way.

Your father sigh relived "Let's go home"

Grandpa Roci takes out a cigarette and put in his mouth, but only lights it when he's outside the airport.

You watch your parents giving his goodbyes to his friends, when one of the Straw Hat comes to your side. "Hi, I'm Robin, you will be having your classed with me" her long black hair is just as stunning as her breasts.

You have a difficult time focusing on her eyes, but nods and give her a small smile "I will be in your hands"

"May I ask why is your nickname Dondon?" She fixes her purse on her shoulder.

"Oh! It's because of my last name! When I was 4 years old I couldn't say any of my last names, so the other kids called me Dondon, and it just stayed like that" you shrug.

She smiles and pats your back "You can change it if you don't like it, no one's going to notice, new place new life"

You shake your head "I like being called Dondon, it's cute" you give her a big smile.

She chuckles and nods "You will train with Nami first, then you will be put with the trio ASL"

"Trio ASL?" You tilt your head.

"Ace, Sabo and Luffy" Robin says as she points at Luffy "They are the best to teach you how to fight, they do it since they were around 5 years old"

"Dad told me that Luffy's grandfather would throw him in the middle of the forest and tell him to survive"

Robin laughs "Yes, he did that, it was the reason why Luffy was put on an orphanage, where he meet Sabo and Ace."

"WHAT!? I thought that they were blood brothers! The stories my dad told me, says that they are inseparable!" You look at her shocked by that discovery.

She chuckles and nods "They are brothers, they were adopted together by Whitebeard after all"

"Oh! Changing the subject!!! How is the marriage life? I saw your wedding's photos!! They were so beautiful!!!" You see your father approaching

Robin looks at what you were looking and smiles "We will continue this chat later, you and your father need some rest" she waves at Law and goes back to her friends.

Your father nods at her and looks at your grandfather who is catching fire "Roci-ya you are burning" Law gets closer to grandpa and pats his shoulder that was on fire. "Still have two left feet I see"

Roci smiles at him and pats the other's shoulder "Let's go home, you two must be tired" he took you, and your father to his car.

You get inside the big and spacious car, feeling small.

"It will take a while to get there, I live in the center of the city, my house isn't as big as your pent house was, and you two will have to share a bathroom, but I hope you two feel at home" he extends a hand to the back seat where you are and pets you thigh "get some rest, your father and I have some grown up stuff to talk about"

You nod and put on your headphone, turning your music up and lay down on the back seat, closing your eyes.

Roci snaps his fingers and activates his quirk "Silence"

Law visibly relaxes pm his seat. "She took everything..."

As Roci drives he looks at Law from time to time "Not everything, you still have your daughter, and both your licensees, it will be hard from now on, but you are not alone, never were"

Law thinks about it for a while and nods "I know... thank you Dad"

Roci smiles, "your welcome son" and as he keeps driving, now both his son and his granddaughter end up sleeping, he deactivates his quirk and put some light jazz on the car.

.................

For all of you that are here for the bnha and don't know how or who the One Piece characters are, I'm gonna lend you all a hand.

Robin (has the quirk to create any part of her body in anyplace) ^

Nami (can control clouds with the assistance of a 'special staff') ^

Luffy (quirk-has a rubber body, oh my god, how is this... barely 18year -old boy boss of so many powerful people) ^

Sanji (quirkless, fights with his legs and only his legs, also awesome cook)^

Zoro (quirkless, master in Kendo)^

Usopp (quirkless, has incredible aim and is very good with plants)^

Franky (cyborg man, quirkless)^

Brook (rock star, quirk- practically immortal, can take his own soul out off his skeleton body)^

Chopper (straw hats doctor, quirk, has different stages of transformations)^

Jinbei (fishman, quirk can breathe underwater and control it, is master in fishman martial arts)^

(there is more, but Tumblr won't let me put any more pics, so y'all will have to search how the characters look, sorry)

[shibalen]

1/2! Hi! could I have a male romantic hq matchup if thats ok? w a dark box + a jewellery box pls! I'm 5'5, she/her w long dark brown hair w the front half of my right side dyed white, green eyes + tan skin! I'm super bubbly, loud, naturally v flirty + my love language is physical touch! I LOVE working out + I'm a HUGE foodie. I'm stubborn + impulsive, luv rain/storms, coffee + PDA. I'm emotional, confident, bold, giggly, energetic + observant! I ramble but I'm a gd listener + v playful!

2/2 im v playful + luv teasing! I'm spontaneous, optimistic, passionate + ambitious but I tend to overwork myself. I'm empathetic + love comforting others, it takes a lot to make me super angry too! I'm pretty straight forward - I try my best to be upfront about my feelings! I LOVE autumn/winter, cooking, BOBA + outdoors (but also love cosy nights at home) I really value honesty + loyalty. my ideal type is someone tall, protective + doesn't mind physical touch! (I also luv late night adventures)

Sorry I ran out of characters but I just wanted to say thank you so much in advance! I literally had notifications on so I didn't miss your matchups being open lmao <3 a nickname incase u need it is Ains btw!

♡︎ matchup for @hvnlydmn

hello, dear! aww, i'm so happy you think my matchups are something worth not missing. thank you for requesting, hopefully you enjoy this!

haikyuu: i match you with . . .

osamu miya !!

• under that calm exterior Osamu is competitive and has a small wild streak in him. you would do good in bringing out that side of him more often with your extroverted nature !!

• he finds your boldness and passion endearing and will help you keep your feet grounded in cases your impulsive tendancies might cause trouble for you.

• while your external demeanours differ, you hold the same core values which is incredibly important. like you, Osamu prefers being honest and will understand your point of view even though he might have a different opinion.

• that being said, you're both extremely patient and heated arguments take place only once in a blue moon. even then you manage to work out your differences quite fast.

• maybe it's because of your profile pic but i get the feeling you were a fan of Atsumu first, being part of the cheering squad in high school.

• you had no problem approaching either of the twins despite their popularity. they liked your confidence and energy so quickly accepted you.

• at first you wanted Osamu to help you get closer to Atsumu, but oops, along the way you two ended up falling for the other instead ! your personalities complimented each other, plus you had lots of common interests !

• i love how your first impression dynamic is the fun ray of sunshine x the quiet chill one even though y'all can be equally chaotic and observant ♡︎

• Osamu puts action over words and likes showing you his affection through small, casual touches as you go about your day. locking your fingers, putting his arm around your waist or shoulders, caresses of your cheek/head/hands.

• also, giving you massages after a tough day !! it's sweet and intimate while you can talk about anything and everything, or say nothing at all ♡( ◡‿◡ )

• insists being the one to brew you coffee. he knows his coffee is the best and it's what you deserve.

• playful teasing 23/7 (including snack breaks) just saying. having a brother like Atsumu has had its effects.

• Atsumu and you sometimes gang up and lovingly bully him. don't worry though, even against the two of you Samu can stand his ground (or be petty and give you a cold shoulder to tease you even more).

• though if someone else starts crossing the line while they're teasing you, Osamu will lowkey throw hands. he won't make a scene but anyone with the guts to brother you should be prepared to face pain the consequences.

• your dates often consist of visiting new restaurants/food booths, home-cooked dinner dates or picnics + hiking. sometimes he'll join working out with you.

❦︎ darkbox, timeskip

• it started with the little things: missed calls, skipped dinners, forgotten good-mornings. with Osamu busy with the restaurant and you having your hands full with your own job, your schedules only seemed to drift further apart.

• but then the words you exchanged irl became less frequent and finally the physical touch between you faded nearly into nonexistence because you hardly even saw each other.

• it was like a ticking time bomb. Osamu and you were aware of it but neither of you knew how to stop it.

• though you talked through messages and calls it just wasn't the same. stressed and worried, you did your best to remain calm, however this only made things worse.

• to you, it felt as though Osamu didn't care about your relationship anymore since he always looked and sounded the same, ever so nonchalant. yet in truth he was trying his hardest to look composed so you wouldn't worry.

• in the end, you both saw it best to take a 'break' until your careers became stable again. the saddest part: you did it for the other though neither of you wanted to.

• to forget your depression you became more involved in your work than before, up to the point of overworking yourself.

• meanwhile, Osamu, too, drowned himself in exhaustion. no matter how stoic he appeared it was clear he was all but focused. he kept wondering if you were okay, eating properly, getting enough sleep, or even if you wanted to start seeing someone else.

• worries if you'd rather have broken up with him for good because he wasn't good enough.

• thank goodness Atsumu, being the better and smarter twin™, called his brother out on his bs. too bad Osamu was a stubborn bastard and took forever to realise he loved you too much to be taking some 'pause' from you.

• his blood ran cold and his heart dropped to his stomach, however, when you weren't answering any calls or texts for days. you always answered him after a day at most.

• gosh, he was so anxious something had happened to you that he cancelled everything to rush to your place.

• it turned out you were taking a a week off from the world after too much work and getting sick. all well and good but the boy almost stumbled to his knees from the relief.

• instead, being himself, he just went: "stupid. ya really have a talent for getting yourself into situations like these."

• but thankfully you knew what he meant and how to comfort him. obviously you both fessed up that despite the problems you didn't want to be apart from each other again.

• from that incident onwards you agreed to always openly talk about your feelings. even if it meant being a little selfish, you knew the other would always be there for you ♡︎

𑁍 jewellery box

— favourite memory with you:

after a loss at an important game, you were the one to cheer him up. it was mid-autumn so the nature was filled with colours. you invited him out to rake leaves and jump into the heaps. Osamu thought it was ridiculous at first but couldn't help but smile at your sweet attempts to help him. you weren't together yet back then but it was definitely the moment he realised he felt something stronger for you than friendship ♡︎

— favourite activity to do together:

cooking and taste-testing! it's just so domestic. he gets to cook and spend quality time with you—what could be better? also, image standing in front of a stove, just cooking, when he comes up to you from behind, quietly wraps his arms around your waist and nuzzles your neck.

— favourite place to kiss you:

your forehead and neck. he jokes you're too short for him to reach your lips when he actually just loves the intimacy of it, same with your neck.

— favourite nicknames to call you by:

short-stack, plum, Ains. just your own nickname or something silly/teasing. he doesn't think having a nickname is that important.

— favourite thing about you:

how empathetic and understanding you are. many have gotten the wrong impression of him of being aloof before, so he loves you for caring to look further than meets the eye. not only with him but everyone else as well.

runner up: Kotarō Bokuto

this is my first time writing the extra additions so feedback is warmly welcome. remember to take care ♡︎

[fluidityandgiggles]

Sleep Is For The Weak - Chapter 12

Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 5, Last Chapter

Writing Masterlist - for previous chapters not otherwise linked, Read on AO3

Notes (I guess): Thanks a lot to @ilovemygaydad for updating y’all about my wifi situation, the wifi works semi-well now, and... well...

WRITING THIS CHAPTER WAS HELL AND A HALF AND IM SO GLAD ITS FINALLY FINISHED.

Ahem. Excuse me. I have a couple of very important things to say, though.

If any of you haven't read the latest chapter of Keep Him Safe, which is right here, please go do so. I read it the moment it was posted and... I was at dinner with my family, so I had to hold in my squealing... to be perfectly honest with y'all, I already knew what was going to happen in that chapter since I started writing chapter three, I think...? So I have known about this for a very long time, but it still made me super happy to see it actually happen in writing. So... go read KHS, y'all. You really should. It's awesome.

(Quick update: I checked my screenshots and... yeah, I've known about that since July, which is when I started writing this fic. Again, I've known about what happened in sleep for six months, and surprisingly didn't spoil almost any of it to anyone around me. I deserve a fucking prize.)

To anyone who just came over from Eva's shameless plugging of me - hello, nice to have you here. In this fucked up piece of angst we discuss queer history as well as Remy's personal history, or - as I said to myself while reading and re-reading what Eva has to say about this fic - "well, this story is as much about queer history as it is about Remy, where he came from, where he's going, where he came from cotton eye joey'n". And to anyone who's a regular reader, I'm so glad you're sticking around to read this... this thing. It's become a monster in my head, I can promise you that much.

As always, thanks to @broadwaytheanimatedseries for the original idea, to @whatwashernameagain for the original fic (can you believe it’s been six months since we came up with chapter 23?), to @anony-phangirl and @asleepybisexual and @winglessnymph for the help wherever needed, and a special one to Morgan - again - for helping me get the word out. All of those people are my shining stars and I love them so much.

Tag list (sort of): @bunny222, @ab-artist, @sweet-and-sour-shadowling, @your-username-is-unavailable, @virgilcrofters, @why-things-go-boom, @ilovemygaydad (thanks again, kiddo!), @violetblossem. @maybe-i-like-the-misery, @book-of-charlie, @thatsanswitch

(Wanna be tagged? Just lemme know!)

Trigger warning: period appropriate transphobia (the early 00s were not exactly trans-friendly). This chapter discusses rape again, this time in a bit more detail (nothing graphic, it’ll never be graphic, I promise), and includes a... panic attack of sorts. Be warned.

—————

January 24th, 2003

Emile's smile faltered.

"...so what if I got raped?" He muttered, putting down the stack of chairs he was holding. "What's done is done. They had their fun—"

"They…?" India tilted her head. Oh shoot… "There was more than one person?"

"More like three… what? Why are you looking at me like—"

The stack India was holding fell to the floor.

"Did you tell anyone?" Emile stared at the floor. Maybe she'll go away if he doesn't cooperate. "Emile! Did you tell anyone?"

"I told the doctors…" Emile's voice faltered. "What's going on?"

"I'm surprised you're even alive right now!" India's pacing was… terrifying. For some reason… she suddenly just… turned so scary. "Mixing date rape drugs with alcohol, which is what I'm assuming happened to you, is so dangerous! And I'm only assuming that's what happened because I heard from Remy that they found GHB traces—"

"I'm not proud," Emile managed to stutter. "Of… all this. I just… I can drink, okay? I made some mistakes in the past—"

"You're seventeen!"

"I made some mistakes in the past, and… this one makes me feel like all those mistakes have been trying to tell me that I shouldn't exist…"

"No… no, peach, please." He already started crying by the time she stepped in to hug him. "I get that. I really do. Sometimes I think about how much better my life might've been if I pretended like I'm 'cured' of being transgender after conversion. My cousin wouldn't have done what she did, that's the biggest plus. But… I wouldn't have come here. I wouldn't have started on my way to become a statistics analyst. I wouldn't have met Jenna. I would probably be living a sad, closeted life back home, and that isn't such a nice thing."

"You were too…?"

"I was too, yeah… as victims, we gotta stick to each other."

The wet spots on India's sweater were getting larger by the second. But she didn't mind it.

"Like I was told when I was sixteen," she said, much quieter than before. "Nobody is going to believe a man who says he was raped. We gotta stick together, whether we like it or not."

——

"Hey, isn't that that friend of yours?" Remy heard behind him about two minutes before the meeting started.

Oh, good.

"Hey, didn't you deliberately choose to forget that I live in the other side of the US from you because you wanted to be a little fuck?" Remy asked back, looking at Chris turn redder than a tomato.

"I swear to god, I had no idea!"

"Suck it and your excuses, Mendez."

"Hey, hey… come on, Remy. Won't you at least let me make it up to you?"

Remy couldn't stay angry… well, he could. But not as angry. It was a stupid reason, too…

"I will." Chris beamed at him. "But it'll take a very long time."

"...you have a week."

"I won't let you down," Chris said with the same wide, obnoxious grin, quickly kissing Remy's cheek and taking a seat.

Fuck him and his obnoxious self.

On the third of January, Remy and Emile sat down on the hotel bed in what was probably the fanciest hotel Remy's ever been to (though he never really visited any hotels in his life, no time or money for that). They were listening to Gustav Holst's The Planets as Emile performed a one-man dramatic reading of No Exit, and Remy couldn't feel more at peace.

This situation right here - all the people, all the tension, Chris right there a few steps away from him - was the exact opposite.

"Do you want me to leave?" A quiet voice said and Remy felt himself being squeezed so tight, he was sure his ribs would crack. Emile. "I can leave if you—"

"Come on, sit next to me," Remy said as quietly and took a rather far seat from Chris. Serves him right.

"Happy Friday, everyone," India opened the meeting. "I see that we got some new people after the break, so we're going to do another name round. Who wants to start?"

Emile raised his hand almost immediately.

"I'm Emile, I'm— do we mention our major?"

"If you want to."

"I'm Emile, I'm a psychology major, and I'm probably gay. Or asexual. I just… don't really know if I'm more gay or asexual yet."

——

Monday, January 27th

"Look, I find some of what you teach suspect," Emile hummed to himself as he skipped behind Remy back to their building after a particularly entertaining sols 20 class. "Because I'm used to relying on intellect, but I try to open up to what I don't know, because reason says I should've died three years ago…"

"Em, stop it," Remy half-laughed. "I get it, you're still thinking about Rent."

"It was such a good show!" Emile whined - well, sort of. "Jai Rodriguez was really good!"

"I met Idina Menzel through this," Remy said with another chuckle. "She's nice… kind of a diva, if you ask me."

"So… like you?"

"What do you mean, like me?"

"Nice, but kind of a diva." Emile nudged him. "I'll bet you she's totally selfless and sweet but acts like she doesn't care about anything in the world—"

"No, actually… she isn't." Remy sighed. The memories were foggy - it was over eight years ago - but… "Dad is working on some project with her again. Her and Kristin Chenoweth…"

"Kristin?" Emile shrieked. "Good golly, I love her! She's so sweet and talented!"

"I'm really not supposed to tell you anything," Remy laughed, and then stopped.

A figure made him freeze at his doorstep. A small, shaking figure, with braided brown hair and an ill-fitting, black, puffy coat.

Leah was rapidly knocking on Remy's suite door.

——

"Why did you think it was a good idea to come here?" Remy asked, careful not to scream. Leah sat in the living room, her hair dripping wet from the shower he made her take, wrapped up in the clothes she brought with her in her lime green schoolbag. She was waiting on her hot chocolate.

"I wanted to."

"How did you even get a bus ticket? You're seven!"

"I took money from mom and went to the bus station!" Leah huffed. "I know where the buses are, and I know how to—"

"I didn't say you don't know, Leah Mae," Remy chastised, putting the cup of hot chocolate on the table quite forcefully. "But you're seven years old! This was incredibly dangerous of you—"

"I don't wanna live at home anymore!" Leah screamed. "Mom was mean all of Christmas, and Lizzie wasn't being nice when we went back to school, she didn't want me to be her friend anymore, and Rachel was annoying—"

"Sweetie, they're going to think I kidnapped you!" Leah was taken aback. Remy was worried to the point of terrifying. "They're going to think I kidnapped you, Leah. It won't end well!"

"I didn't think…" the tears started coming out. Oh shit… "I didn't mean it! I just… I don't like being home! Don't be mad at me!"

"Oh, baby, no, I'm not mad at you!" Remy was quick to take her in for a hug. His poor baby sister… "I'm just worried, Leah. Extremely worried. Never do such a thing ever again, okay?" She nodded in his arms. "There's nothing we can do about this now, but—"

The door opened with a bang, and "I brought the bunnies!"

Leah immediately perked up. Mycroft tried to hop straight into her lap the moment he was close enough, since he already knew her and was very worried for the tiny human, but Lestrade took his time getting to know her. She was new, and he didn't know her yet, and what if she wasn't going to be nice?

"Leah, this is Lestrade," Emile said with a huge smile, closing the door and coming to cuddle them all - Remy included. "He's Mycroft's brother, and I adopted him after Christmas!"

"But you don't celebrate Christmas."

"No I don't, but you do." He booped her nose, making her giggle. "Lestrade is a nice boy. Give him a bit, he'll jump into your lap in no time."

As Leah entertained herself, playing with the bunnies and telling them stories, Remy pulled Emile to the side.

"She ran away from home!"

"I heard that when you asked me to go get the bunnies, Remy."

"She's seven years old! What do I do with a seven-year old runaway? Is it even a thing? A seven-year old runaway?"

Emile kisses Remy's cheek quicker than he could process it happening. "It's going to be fine. Call Linda, let her know that Leah is here—"

"Leah asked me not to tell anyone she's here," Remy sighed, rubbing his face in frustration.

"I understand, but… Linda is still your mom. Leah is still seven years old. She needs to go home, whether you like it or not." When Remy still seemed like he's having trouble processing it, Emile pulled him into a hug. "Do you want me to talk to her about it for you?"

Remy could only say a very weak "yes please" before Emile went back to the couch, to talk to Leah.

He was jittering. He was angry, and scared, and disappointed, and proud, and he felt everything so intensely and was so shocked and confused that he couldn't name it. He barely turned eighteen last July, he didn't even know how to drive yet, and he was absolutely, most definitely, going to be in trouble for this seven-year old child showing up at his door after running away from home.

He wasn't going to call Linda. But he couldn't keep Leah over. And he didn't know shit about raising children, for the period of time he was going to have Leah over, until he figures out what to do. Remy wanted to scream, how much he wanted to. But he couldn't.

So he did the next best thing he could do. He dropped to the floor and started crying.

He was too tired, physically and emotionally, to pick himself back up at that particular moment.

[dailymoneydiary]

The Beginning

Hello there! I'm H, a 22 year old living in Michigan. This blog will be a daily money diary where I keep track of my life and spending habits. I do not have the best money habits and am struggling to figure out how to cut costs. I figured if I started being organized about it, it will get easier! Y'all might need a background as a baseline. The goal is to update daily and reflect each week on how I did and how I can do better!

Age: 22

Location: Michigan

Occupation: Student. I am finishing my second to last semester of my degree and will be graduating in December. I was working at a bank up until last week but quit to focus on finals and take a breather. School full time, working, taking care of the house, and having three dogs was taking a lot out of me.

Income: $0.00 an hour. It was $15 an hour but no longer lol.

Checking Account: $48.44

Savings Account: $187.63

Credit Card Debt: $6353.79 ouch. This comes from bad spending habits in 2021, buying a sectional when our couches were dying, and various household expenses. My first goal after getting my next job is paying this down.

Student Loans: $37,000 estimate. I am still in school so am not paying on these. I also plan on going to law school in 2023 or 2024 so this will grow

Other Income: I live with my boyfriend J who works full time. He makes around $27 an hour (not exactly sure) and covers a majority of our expenses. I plan on fully supporting us as a lawyer so he can go back to school and finish his engineering degree.

Expenses

Rent: $0. We live in a home owned by J's mother after her grandmother gave it to her in her will. This is super helpful and I am very grateful. We plan on buying a house next year and I think she is excited for us to leave lol

Utilities: Around $250 each month. Sometimes J pays it all and sometimes I pay half. This goes to J's mom as her name is on the utilities

CC payments: Average around $250 a month. I will be making minimum payments with J's help until I am employed again.

Netflix: $19.99. I pay for this and my family uses it with me

Peacock: $4.99

Apple Music: $4.99

Gym: $10

Sweepy (a cleaning app): $2.99

Any other payments: I pay tuition each semester which is around $2,800.00. I made my last payment three weeks ago which decimated my savings. I should not have to pay out of pocket next semester after federal loans but we will see.

Car Payment: $0. I drive a '99 Toyota that gets me from A to B

Car Insurance: $0. J pays this.

Internet: $0. J pays this.

Health Insurance: $0. Riding that sweet parents insurance until I'm 26

Phone: $0. Parents pay for this.

I am incredibly lucky to have J and my parents. I don't know how I would do it without them.

J and I struggle with budgeting and each time we set a budget something breaks on our cars or in the house which throws the budget out the window. Now that I am unemployed for a bit, I am taking charge of our finances. I am joint on his accounts and am getting the online log ins for them so I can keep track. He also has some CC and student loan debt so he has personal goals I need to work into the budget as well. It is a "our money" mindset but I hate spending his money. I cannot wait to be employed again.

We have three dogs who require food, vet visits, medicine, toys, and other needs. We do not budget for them but the typical spend per month is around $100. All three are big dogs and we try to buy quality food for them. We have timed it out where we typically only have to buy one bag a month (they all eat different foods) and they are healthy.

Okay that seems to be everything! See you tomorrow for the first update!

[himbowelsh]

"I'm gonna need you to calm down." - the Philly squad upon seeing a gator in the bayou visiting Roe's family.

prompt me like a love song baby (ACCEPTING)

Gene’s not sure what he regrets more – inviting Babe down to Louisiana for the week while his cousin is also visiting, or saying it was fine if Babe brought his friends with him.His sister Minnie put it quite nicely. “We call him the creepy cousin for a reason, and it ain’t because he’s a friendly guy. We call him that cause he’s weird, a little scary, and has his share of problems. You’re supposed to keep him away from kids or open flames, not invite your boyfriend down here to meet him.”

To be fair, it’s not like Gene planned it this way. Babe’s visit had been a very spur-of-the-moment thing – as in, Babe called him up one day and told him, “I need to get out of Philly for, like, a week. Can I please crash at your place?” Apparently half a country away seemed like a far enough escape from whatever trouble Babe refuses to tell Gene about. Gene wasn’t even surprised when Babe called him from the plane a few days later and sheepishly told him that the rest of his crew was coming along.(Gene shudders to think of being crammed in alongside the Philly bunch on a long plane ride. He thinks he’d start looking for parachutes before they even made it off the runway.)His cousin showing up on the Roe family’s doorstep on the morning before Babe is set to arrive: that’s a surprise.Merriell Shelton straightened up in the doorway, bared his teeth in a shameless grin, and wasted no time making himself at home. He bedded down on the couch (the guest room, Gene insisted, was for Babe), drank all of the beer, and leered at Gene and his siblings over the top of the Bayou Chene Times. If there’s one thing Merriell’s good at, it’s showing up when he’s not welcome. If he’s good at anything else, it’s making people so uncomfortable that they want to crawl out of their skin.(Minnie and Winnie, the twins – who aren’t actually twins, but are so alike in every way that the family considers them a single unit – hate Merriell with a passion. He antagonizes them, they snap at him right back, and it turns the entire house into a war zone. Gene is ready to rent a hotel room, just because he knows he won’t be able to endure them for long.)Merriell is the last person Gene wants in the house when his boyfriend and his friends show up. But, well, it’s not like he can kick his cousin out. His mother would never let him, or forgive him for suggesting it; his aunt would roll in her grave. Merriell might not care either way, but Gene won’t risk the wrath of his Maman.So, when a gaudy orange taxi rolls through the bayou and pulls up in front of Gene’s family home, Gene is waiting at attention in the doorway; and Merriell is lounging on the porch.“Where in the sweet hell,” Merriell mutters, “did they find a taxi in the middle of this swamp?”Gene doesn’t answer. He knows better than to question Babe’s way of doing things by now. The taxi could be stolen, for all he knows, and he really doesn’t want to find out.As each person steps out (there are so many folks in there that taxi might as well be a clown car), it couldn’t be more obvious that the city-dwellers are out of place. Fran is wearing a sunhat and sunglasses. Bill is grimacing down at the mud staining his pristine white sneakers. Julian’s in jeans, for god’s sake, and Spina has a damn map under one arm. Worst of all, Babe’s Irish porcelain skin all but makes him luminescent in the warm bayou sunlight. The snorts he’s wearing do his bony legs no favors. Gene has no doubt he’ll be red as a cherry before the day is out, and moaning about how much the sunburn hurts.He doesn’t get much of a chance to gape at his out-of-place guests, however. Babe catches sight of his boyfriend and breaks into a grin wide enough to light all of New Orleans.“Gene!”Babe rushes forward, and the next second Gene finds him swept up in an enthusiastic hug. His arms lock around Babe’s shoulders; he pulls him down to plant a kiss against soft lips. In an instant, Babe is pliant against him, and Gene has to stop himself from grinning. He’s missed this.When they break apart, Babe is flushed as red as his hair, and he’s still beaming. “Oh god, you look –” he says, and is cut off by Gene kissing him again. “Great,” he finishes, when the part for air once more. “You look incredible.”From over Gene’s shoulder, he hears his cousin whistle. No force on earth is getting him to tear his eyes from Babe just to tell Merriell Shelton off.A part of him wonders if the Philadelphia gang are actually from earth. If they were some bizarre pack of aliens, it would explain a lot.An unholy shriek splits the bayou, and that’s what gets Gene to tear his attention away from Babe. To be fair, Babe does the same thing. He reels around at the first sound of his friends in trouble, and is already bounding towards them before he catches sight of something that makes him freeze in his tracks.Then Babe screams, and everything falls to chaos after that.People are wailing. The taxi’s horn blares. The Philadelphia tourists run around each other like chickens with no heads, any sense completely abandoned in their panic. “HOLY SHIT,” someone is hollering. It’s shrill enough that it could be Babe, but there’s an equal chance of it being Bill, or Julian. It’s definitely not Fran. “THAT’S A DINOSAUR. THAT IS A GODDAMN DINOSAUR.”Fran has climbed on top of the taxi,  armed with her purse and ready to use it. Spins is hammering on the car windows, but the driver has locked the door. Babe has leapt into Bill’s arms, clinging to his neck like a damsel in distress. Julian is on the ground, curled up with his hands clasped over his head, ready for the end of times. Guarnere, in classic Wild Bill style, looks ready for a fight.They’re all losing their minds over an alligator.To be more accurate, they’re losing their minds over Etienne.Etienne has lived around their home for as long as Gene can remember. He’s a friend of the family. Not their pet, of course (“You can never tame nature,” Gene’s late grandmére once told him a small solemn-eyed little boy who never forgot her words. “You gotta to learn to live with it, or it’ll eat you up.”), but a friend all the same. Etienne and the Roe family have an unspoken agreement: you don’t bother us, we won’t bother you. He Roe children were kept well out of the way of the ancient gator as children, though little Gene always dared to venture too close when his mother’s back was turned. In exchange, Etienne gobbled up the pests around the Roe home, and left all the “good things” (like people) alone. Etienne isn’t someone Gene’s Maman will invite in for dinner, but he’s harmless.Mostly.Gene wonders if he has a taste for Philadelphians.Bill drops Babe to the ground, and Babe immediately wraps himself around the taxi’s tire. He looks like he’s crying. Everyone’s screaming so loud that Gene can’t tell whose voice belongs to who.He takes a few steps back onto the porch. For a few moments, all he can do is watch in bemusement. He’s jolted out of his gaze by an inevitable  snort of laughter.“You’ve really thought this through,” Merriell drawls, and takes a long drag from his cigarette.Gene sighs through his teeth, and debates the merits of intervening. He could let them wear themselves out – it seems easiest. Then again, if they keep this racket up, the entire bayou is going to be awake, and old Etienne might just get offended enough do do something about it.So he reluctantly clears his throat and steps forward. “Everyone,” he calls; and when this gets no response, “everyone!”Nothing. He’s not sure what he expected.A sudden projectile flies past his head, not leaving Gene time to duck. It shatters against the nearest tree with a loud crash. The noise is jarring enough that, all at once, the chorus of screams cuts off. Merriell is standing up now, staring at the group with a wide-eyed, unreadable expression. He’s doing the thing again, Gene realizes, and fights not to moan. The creepy thing. This is why Merriell is the cousin they don’t like to leave alone in the house.“Oh, look at that. You do know how to shut your mouths.” Merriell’s lips curl back in what no sane person would call a grin. He looks thrilled. “Makes it lots nicer ‘round here when it’s quiet.”Babe is the one to break the spell that Merriell seems to have cast over the group. His attention swivels back to Gene, and he chokes on air as he fights to form words. “G-G-Gene! There’s a, there’s, it’s a goddamn –”“That’s Etienne,” Gene interjects, stepping off the porch again. “Afraid I’m gonna need y'all to quiet down. My Maman’s inside cooking, and all this screaming’s not good for the gumbo.”Fran is staring at him as if he’s lost his mind – even though she’s the one clinging to the hood of a taxi. “You gave that monster a name?”“He’s our neighbor. We’re friendly.” To prove it, Gene gives Etienne a wave. The old gator, smart enough to not want to get involved, slinks back into the depths of the bayou.Only when he’s gone do the Philly crew seem it safe enough to exit Crisis Mode. Babe peels himself off the ground, while Bill lifts Fran off the hood of the car. No one bothers to help Julian up. When they all turn to Gene, wide eyed and expectant, Gene is reminded of schoolkids waiting for the teacher’s instruction. He’s never wanted to be a teacher.“Lets go inside,” he says after a beat. “Time for you to meet to family. My brothers are out, but my sisters are in, and so’s my Maman. They’re all dying to meet you.”“And who’s this asshole?” Bill demands as they pass Merriell (he pulls Fran a little closer to him when Merriell leers at her). His cousin doesn’t seem offended in the least, so Gene just rolls his eyes.“That’s Merriell. He’s part of the family, but he ain’t supposed to be here now. You can ignore him.”As the Philly gang filters through the doorway, one after the other, Gene feels like a mama duckling counting heads. Only when he gets to the last head – full of messy ginger hair – does he pause to look up into Babe’s bright face.“That might have been a rough start,” Babe whispers, looping an arm around his waist, “but this is gonna be a great vacation, Gene. I’m sure of it.”Gene bathes in the confidence of his boyfriend’s words. He wants more than anything to believe that Babe is right.The jagged smile he glimpses on Merriell’s face, however, suggests that Babe and his friends are in for more trouble than they’re prepared to handle.